#like bro don’t even mention that shit around me it’s gross | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tgcg · 5 months

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candid detail. my biggest project so far

hey happy new year

CG: DAVE?

TG: yeah?

CG: SOMETHING’S KIND OF FUCKING ME UP RIGHT NOW AND I NEED TO TELL YOU SPECIFICALLY ABOUT IT IN CANDID DETAIL.

TG: oh shit

===

TG: yeah whats up

TG: not too often i get to be the sole audience to karkats grievances

CG: PFF, BULLSHIT. YOU'RE PRIVY TO WAY MORE ABOUT MY GRIEVANCES THAN BASICALLY ANY OF MY SURVIVING AND PRESENT FRIENDS, BY A SIGNIFICANT MARGIN, AND YOU KNOW IT.

TG: yeah and im boutta add another im like broses up on that hill bundled up in a long ass list of things that make the homies upset

TG: lay it on me

===

CG: OKAY. SO.

…

CG: I’M KIND OF THINKING ABOUT JUST. US AND OUR BRO-DOM.

===

TG: oh

CG: LET ME FINISH.

CG: ALL THIS TIME I’VE BEEN FUCKING FORCED TO SPEND IN THE DREAM BUBBLES MADE ME REALISE SOMETHING, AND THAT’S THAT…

===

CG: THIS IS KIND OF RARE, RIGHT?

TG: what

TG: us

CG: YEAH! LIKE… THERE’S SO MANY THANKFULLY DEAD KARKATS I’VE HAD THE INSURMOUNTABLE GODDAMN DISPLEASURE OF FAILING TO AVOID THAT DON’T LIKE YOU, BARELY MET YOU, OR EVEN JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU.

===

CG: IT’S THE RARE AMBIVALENCE THAT REALLY GETS TO ME. I ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTAND A TIMELINE’S KARKAT FIRMLY DECIDING THAT THEY HATE YOUR ASS. NON-ROMANTICALLY I MEAN. THAT HAS BEEN ME, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. BUT THERE WAS NEVER, EVER!!! A POINT WHERE I JUST FELT NOTHING ABOUT YOU AT ALL.

CG: EVEN WHEN I INITIALLY HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF SEEING YOUR DOUCHEBAG SPECTACLES YOU GOT FROM YOUR BRO ON THE SCREEN, I AT LEAST HAD A STARTER DISH OF SKEWERED CONTEMPT TO WHET MY APPETITE. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO IMAGINE NOT FEELING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER ABOUT YOU.

===

CG: ONE TIME I MENTIONED YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF A THREE-WAY ARGUMENT AND ONE OF THE OTHER KARKATS SAID "WHO?"

CG: "WHO?"!!!!

TG: now thats fucked up

CG: IT IS! AND THAT'S WHAT MADE ME FIRST REALISE THAT NOT EVERY KARKAT IS GETTING TO HANG OUT WITH EVERY DAVE, AND VICE VERSA. AND THIS IS GOING TO SOUND LAME AS SHIT IN A WAY THAT I’LL NEVER EVER LIVE DOWN, BUT. I FEEL BAD FOR THEM ABOUT IT! YOU KNOW?

===

TG: well you always feel bad about around and towards other yous so thats

TG: wait

TG: is or is not the nature of this moment of self-pity fuelled by malice anger disgust or any similar terms slash phrases

CG: I MEAN, FOR ONCE? DON’T GET ME WRONG, THE MALICE ANGER DISGUST ET CETERA IS STILL THOROUGHLY PERMEATING THE WHOLE ORDEAL. THE DAY I LOSE CONTEMPT FOR MY ALTERNATE SELVES IS THE DAY I GET TAKEN OUT BACK AND PUT DOWN LIKE THE LAME HOOFBEAST I’VE ALWAYS DREAMT OF BEING. BUT…

CG: I ACTUALLY JUST FEEL SAD FOR THEM, STRAIGHT UP. INDEPENDENT FROM TERMS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED.

===

TG: damn

CG: AND THAT FEELS INCREDIBLY WEIRD TOO. I CAN’T EVEN ARGUE WITH THEM ABOUT IT, IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL THIS SHITTY, SHOCKINGLY QUIET… GRIEF? ALMOST? FOR THEM. GENERAL NON-TROLLIAN FEELINGS. AND EXCEPTIONALLY NON-STANDARD IN A KARKAT-TO-KARKAT CONVERSATION, AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED.

CG: BUT I KNOW IF I TOLD ANY OTHER EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED REFLECTION OF MY OWN FECULENT INNER FILTH TO TALK TO YOU, OR EVEN JUST LOOK AT YOU ONE TIME, THEY’D ONLY SEE IT AS ANOTHER PERSONAL AFFRONT. LIKE I JUST TOLD THEM "HEY, SHIT ALL OVER YOUR FROND AND SNIFF IT, IT’LL BE AMAZING JUST TRUST ME, ABSOLUTELY ZERO REASON NOT TO."

===

TG: you come up with the most potent mental images man youre the wordmeister of viscerally gross as hell vocab

CG: THANK YOU.

===

CG: AND LIKE… SHIT, I DEFINITELY WOULD’VE FELT THAT WAY BEFORE I GOT TO KNOW YOU! I UNDERSTAND THE INNER MACHINATIONS OF THOSE IMBECILIC NOOKSTAINS BETTER THAN ANYONE EVER COULD, DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS.

CG: KARKATS UNIVERSALLY DECIDING THAT THEY JUST CANNOT LIKE YOU ON PRINCIPLE IS A CRISIS OF SHIT HAPPENSTANCES. THE HAPPENINGS ARE ALL OUT OF WACK, COSMICALLY.

CG: LIKE EVERY ME WRITHED OUR WAY OUT OF THE BROODING CAVERNS AND THE FIRST CONSTELLATION WE SAW PEELING THROUGH THE EXOSPHERE, TWINKLING IN THE REFLECTION OF OUR HUGE RED GANDERBULBS, WAS A PAIR OF SHADES GETTING COVERED IN GASOLINE, FOLLOWED BY A CONSTELLATION OF A LIT MATCH.

CG: A SIMPLE EQUATION WITH A VERY SIMPLE SOLUTION.

CG: A SYSTEMIC EPIDEMIC, IF YOU’LL PARDON MY BULLSHIT.

===

TG: it is a goddamn catastrophe sweeping the karkat population

TG: presidents on the headlines trying to get karkats everywhere to stop quarantining their asses and have a real heart to heart among themselves about the issue but they keep isolating anyways

CG: I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL A PRESIDENT IS. YOU’VE FAILED TO DESCRIBE IT AS ANYTHING MORE THAN A POORLY-SELECTED "DUDE CONDESCE" WHO DOES NOTHING PRODUCTIVE AND THEN EITHER DIES OR RUINS EVERYTHING, OR SOME CHAOTIC COMBINATION OF THE TWO.

TG: well that is exactly what it is but wait good point

===

TG: tragedy strikes as the karkat population reveals it doesnt generally know what a president even is so it means jack shit to them that this dude is trying to get their attention

TG: and mr president he is getting voted the fuck out of office over this blunder just an embarrassing display

TG: the public trust has plummeted off the fucking chart and cratered the damn ground like a meteor

TG: or he could be the tenth to die in office yknow there was a pretty big stretch of no in-office deaths til 2009 so maybe some catchup would be good for everyone

CG: ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU WANT TO MAKE ANOTHER PRESIDENT, AND THEN KILL HIM?

TG: not me personally i just wanna be there and see it also is that dream bubble fucking huge or what

TG: must be the size of

===

TG: jupiter

===

TG: look all im saying is the end of the world coincided pretty notably with a dry spell in the presidential kill:death ratio

TG: i was tragically too busy not dying to see obama die live on television when an errant meteor hit the white house that was my one chance

CG: PFFFT.

TG: i want to keep a comically aloof finger on the pulse of the shit but i do not want to be among the shit

TG: but anyways guess its my turn on the pedestal

CG: BE MY FUCKING GUEST.

===

TG: yknow uh im not gonna lie if present me went back to me age thirteen sippin my dubious aj in my pre-apocalyptic layer of hell that was texas and told me

TG: hey that gray text dude is probably gonna be your best friend if you give him a shot yall could be sweet bros in real life itll be awesome

TG: i mean disregarding the fact i already doomed that guy because i dont remember that happening to me

TG: id probably be casting some wicked aspersions on that shit

===

TG: our whole friendship feels like a plot twist to my damn life story

CG: I HEAR YOU.

TG: its like our narratives bumped into each other hard on the street and decided yknow what yeah this pavement is pretty cosy lets talk about your dad

TG: but

===

TG: dont get your think pans too wrapped up in that different timeline stuff

CG: IT’S THINK PAN. SINGULAR. NOBODY HAS MORE THAN ONE THINK PAN, EVER. IT IS A SINGULAR ORGAN. IF YOU WOULD LET ME READ A TROLL BIOLOGY BOOK TO YOU ONE TIME WE’D STOP BUMPING INTO THIS ISSUE.

TG: gotcha and no

CG: OBVIOUSLY.

TG: but anyways dude look

===

TG: i am literally a time dude and i can tell you right now with all the sage wisdome of my knightitudes

TG: not a good way of looking at it

TG: ive met daves that didnt like you either it doesnt affect jack or shit because those daves arent me

TG: like they are in a way but

TG: me and all those other guys spent the whole game honing down these doomed timelines to a fine point and that point has obviously involved a whole lot of hanging out with you

CG: …

===

TG: so

TG: maybe they just missed the point while you and me were on the breaking edge of that shit

TG: we got to the bottom line of it so it doesnt matter yknow

CG: HUH.

===

TG: and i mean plus

===

TG: ive seen a handful of alternate daves and karkats who get along uh great apparently so

TG: yknow

===

CG: WHAT?

TG: you know what i fucking mean im not saying it

CG: ROLLING YOUR SHOULDERS AND SAYING "yknow" GENERALLY DOESN’T CONVEY FUCKING ANYTHING MEANINGFUL IN A CONVERSATION, DAVE.

CG: I’M NOT A PSYCHIC. YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN. IN CANDID DETAIL.

TG: its besides the point anyways

===

TG: the point is its you right here that matters overall and you right here is chilling with me so thats gotta mean at least one or two things

CG: OKAY, OKAY, YEAH… I GET WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. I REALLY DIDN’T THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THAT.

CG: YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND BY NOW HOW IT’D BE REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT FOR ME TO WRAP MY THINK PAN AROUND THE CONCEPT OF ME BEING THE RIGHT VERSION OF ANYTHING.

CG: BUT I FEEL LIKE THE AMOUNT OF TIME WE'VE SPENT TOGETHER CUMULATIVELY IN THIS TIMELINE MAKES UP FOR THE AMOUNT OF DAVES AND KARKATS WHO NEVER SPENT ANY AT ALL, BY AT LEAST TENFOLD.

===

TG: heh yeah

HAHAH.

===

CG: GOD. WHO WOULD’VE GUESSED THAT KARKAT VANTAS WOULD GET TOO FAR INTO HIS OWN THINK PAN ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT, RIGHT?

TG: stop repeating the words think and pan i get it already

CG: ARE YOU SURE? TOTALLY SURE? ABSOLUTELY ASSFUCK CERTAIN OF YOURSELF?

TG: yes dude

CG: ALRIGHT. KEEP IN MIND THIS WILL BE ON THE TEST LATER.

TG: im acing that shit i swear to god youre gonna eat your damn foot

CG: STRUT POD

TG: when i pass that shit to oblivion

TG: youre gonna regret doubting me

CG: OKAY, DAVE. THEN EXPLAIN TO ME WITH ALL YOUR SAGE WISDOME: WHAT IS A "LUMPSQUIRT"? AND REALLY, TAKE YOUR TIME THINKING ABOUT THIS. GOD KNOWS WE'VE GOT MOMENTS A-FUCKING-PLENTY TO SPARE.

TG: as the literal god of time in your local area i sure as hell do

CG: GO ON THEN.

===

TG: …

TG: pass

CG: EXACTLY.

CG: ANYWAYS, I’M STILL GOING TO GO AROUND FEELING ANOTHER LAYER OF PITY FOR THOSE GRAY BULGEMUNCHERS THAT DON’T GET TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU. NOT THAT ANYTHING ANY KARKAT COULD FUCKING DO WOULD EVER MAKE THEM DESERVING OF IT, BUT THAT’S ANOTHER CAN OF DIRT NOODLES ENTIRELY.

TG: yeah i feel bad for anyone who isnt buddy-buddy with the david stri too

CG: OF COURSE YOU DO. I’M GLAD WE’RE ON THE SAME PAGE HERE.

===

TG: but also

TG: any dave who missed out on a slice of the realest homes in paradox space is a tragedy in my eyes

CG: Y--

TG: let me finish

TG: i just dont let it get to me so much cus… first of all ive been having to not let time shit get to me this whole damn game but also

TG: i know i have you here and thats whats important

TG: ok not "have" just

TG: how the fuck do i phrase that

TG: i know whatever is happening with other "us"es whatever shits goin down

TG: i can wake up and watch movies with you or hell i can even hang with you in there if i bump into you and thats what matters to me in this bro-dom thats what i wanna do

TG: and thats some real shit i just said feel free to co-sign it

CG: …

===

TG: karkat i meant it

CG: … THANKS.

TG: no problem

#davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #homestuck #this is literally at the image cap i hope you all like it #comix #candid detail

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bkgml · 1 year

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ex bf againnnnnn!

(cw! mentions of vomit but nothing descriptive)

i wish i wasn’t shadow banned so more ppl could see this cause i worked hard!! :(

————————————————————————

10:47pm

yn: hey

katsuki nearly dropped his phone.

“bakugou man, why’re you so quiet?”

bakugou sighed deeply, rolled his shoulders and opened his mouth to speak.

“uh it’s nothing. none of your business.” he shrugs him off.

but sero already made his way behind him.

“bro, yn texted you?!” he calls out.

dropped jaws from around him make the boy seethe.

“i told you to mind your business!” he yells.

ignoring his friends screams, kirishima sees through bakugous facade.

“you gonna text her?” he asks calmly.

bakugou meets his eyes and sighs again.

“probably.” he groans.

“dude, what the hell! you were torn up for months after that breakup!” kaminari pipes in.

but he’s already typing.

10:59pm

suki: why are you texting me?

yn: sorry if i woke you up

suki: you didn’t

yn: can i call you?

he pauses again and the boys have now made their way to surround his phone.

“you guys are like fuckin hyenas.” he frowns.

“are you gonna call her?” kirishima says.

bakugou takes a moment to think before groaning and getting up.

“it could be an emergency.” he mumbles out before opening the door to kirishimas room to stand out in the hall.

*incoming call from ‘suki’*

your breath catches in your throat before you make your shaking thumb press the answer button.

“hi.” you speak shakily.

you pray he chooses to ignore the upset tone in your voice and he does.

“hey.” he replies calmly.

“um. were you asleep?” you ask.

“no, i was with the idiots.”

he hears you laugh lightly through the speakers.

“why’d you text me?” he asks after a beat of silence.

“well, i uh.” you laugh again, a habit you have when you’re nervous.

“i don’t feel well.” you say.

he pauses and starts tapping his foot.

“how’s that my problem? i’m not your boyfriend anymore.” he says, sounding meaner than he intended.

you sigh shakily and he can practically hear the tears forming in your waterline.

“yeah, um… i know that. it’s just i really can’t sleep.” you mumble, afraid of his reply.

“what do you want me to do about it?”

the pause is long before you speak again.

“god this is so embarrassing.” you whine, letting an uncomfortable laugh slip through your lips.

“just say it, alright?… it’s fine.” he says quietly.

“okay um… can i sleep in your bed with you? we don’t even need to make contact or anything.. i just feel like shit and it’s so hard to sleep without you.” you whisper.

he takes a second to think over his answer. if he’s being honest he was hoping you’d say something like that. he hasn’t had a good nights sleep since you broke up either. but on the other hand you’re broken up. he shouldn’t be doing this.

“are you still there, kugo?” you interrupt his train of thought.

he breathes deeply though his nose and blinks away some tears that are trying to form at the use of the nickname.

“uh yeah. just thinkin.” he replies, shakily.

“you really don’t need to let me. i only asked cause i’m really desperate and we didn’t end on terrible terms, you know?” you say quietly.

he rakes a hand through his hair and sighs.

“how bad is it?” he says.

“huh?”

“is it just a cold, or what?” he confirms.

“oh um, i have a high fever and i keep throwing up. sorry if that’s gross i just know you don’t get sick because of your quirk. i can’t ask any of my friends they’ll get sick.” you say.

he groans deeply while pinching the bridge of his nose. you guys are broken up, why does he still care?

“meet me outside my dorm in 5 minutes, and im not doing this shit again.” he mumbles out.

he hears you whine and sniff, feeling a tug on his heartstrings.

“thanks, kugo.” you say as your voice wobbles.

“don’t keep me waiting.” he replies.

the two of you hang up and he groans at the thought of having to tell the idiots.

he opens the door and steps inside.

“hey, so what’d she say?” kirishima asks.

“nothin. i’m going to bed.” bakugou grumbles.

“you sure?”

“yeah, fuck off.” he says as he steps back outside.

he heads back to his room and steps inside.

he made sure to get here before you so he could clean up some things he’s not so proud of.

the framed picture of you he’s never taken off his desk, the small bottle of perfume that rests on his nightstand and your shirt that sits on your side of the bed.

he can’t sleep on your side anymore.

he stashed them all in one of his desk drawers before hearing a knock on his door.

“here goes.” he whispers lowly to himself.

he opens the door to see you standing there.

face red and covered in tear stains, bed head, deep eye bags, lips plush and bitten and his hoodie draped on your form. you’re biting your nails, another habit you have when you’re nervous.

“hi.” you say with watery eyes, bringing the sleeve of his hoodie up to wipe the tears that are threading to fall onto your cheeks.

“hey.” he says, pushing the door open wider.

you step inside hesitantly, before getting a waft of nausea and sprinting into katsuki’s bathroom.

“yn?!” he calls, running after you.

he finds you hunched over the toilet.

“hey…” he says, walking over to you and kneeling beside you.

he’s hesitant but he does start to rub your back and clasp your hair in his hand to keep it out of the way.

“it’s alright, let it out. katsukis here.” he says, soothingly.

“hurts…” you whine.

he chuckles quietly.

“i know, swe-“ he cuts himself off, praying you didn’t hear the beginning of the pet name.

you sit up once your done and he sees fresh tears sliding down your face.

“that was a nice icebreaker, huh?” he smiles while he wipes your tears.

“oh yeah, me throwing up. great icebreaker.” you smile back as you lean into his touch.

“better now?” he asks.

you nod slowly before your face crumples up with disgust.

“i still have your extra toothbrush, come on.” he says as he helps you up.

you steady yourself once you’re on your feet.

“thanks, kugo.” you smile brightly.

he has to turn away from your bright smile and your cheery nickname.

“let’s just get you in bed.” he replies.

he waits for you to brush your teeth. while you were together he’d be doing it for you, you sitting on the counter with your legs around his waist and your hand holding his.

he blinks away tears that haven’t even formed yet at the thought of how things used to be.

“bed?” you ask sweetly once you finish brushing your teeth.

he nods and resists the urge to bring you by the hand into his bed so he can hold you until you feel better.

he walks into his room and heads into his bed.

he pats your side of the bed and you bite your nails again before slipping under the sheets with your ex boyfriend.

you turn towards each other but make no move to touch each other.

“you tired?” he asks when he sees your drooping eyes.

you nod and wipe your tears with his sleeve once again.

“why’re you crying?” he asks.

you sniff and snuggle deeper into the sheets of his bed.

“im sorry i made you take care of me.” you cry.

he lets a sigh through his nose.

“i know.” he says and he doesn’t resist the urge to cup your cheek to comfort you.

you whine and lean into his hand again.

“get some rest, yeah? katsuki’s here.”

he’s here. you’re okay.

you repeat those phrases in your mind as you close your eyes and drift off into a calm sleep.

once he knows your asleep he presses a lingering kiss to your head as he finally lets a single tear fall from his eye.

11:37pm

kirishima: hey bro, why’d you leave so early?

bakugou: none of your business.

kirishima: don’t tell me she’s there

bakugou: shut up.

kirishima: bro

bakugou: even if she is here it’s none of your fucking business

kirishima: im just saying you wore torn up for months about her

bakugou: it’s not like we fucked. she’s sick.

kirishima: are you sure?

bakugou: yes now fuck off.

he puts his phone back on the nightstand and ignores the buzzing of his friends protests.

staring up at the ceiling he sighs before he feels rustling from beside him.

you make your way from beside him to resting on top of him with your limbs tangled with his.

he inhales a shaky breath as he wraps an arm around you and kisses your cheeks.

he feels you hug him tighter and he stiffens.

“miss you…” he hears you mumble.

he pauses.

“miss you too, baby.” he calls out in the silence of his bedroom.

#bakugou x reader #bakugou fluff #bakugou x yn #bakugou x you #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader

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strxwberrychocolate · 11 months

Text

˗ˏˋ realistic hi-lo the worst shitty dating canons࿐ྂ

notes: this is just for fun(fiction), plz don’t take is seriously. inspired by this post cuz me and my fellow delulu moots need to get it together, might do a pt 2 if I feel like it

warnings: some mention of nsfw, mentions of cheating, friends with benefits, mentions of choking, brief mention of kinks, toxic behaviour, periods, mentions of gaslighting and emotional manipulation, major delulu behaviour for the sachio one(I failed I’m sorry), I think I did Ryo and Kōhei dirty in this one but who cares

-ˏˋ fujio ˊˎ

He’s definitely a “where’s my hug at” kind of guy even after you both start dating

I’m just gonna say it right now, Tsukasa knows too much about your sex life

you got some weird kink?

called him “sir” by accident or like being choked or some shit like that?

Tsukasa knows (he doesn’t want to know but that’s beside the point)

He reminds me too much of my crush so this guy will definitely be flirting with everything and anything with a beating heart even if you’re dating him

Playboy fr

While you guys are in your lil talking stage he sends your picture to the gc for validation that he’s dating a pretty girl

They all want to warn you cuz you look nice but bro code comes first

Would definitely buy you menstrual products without batting an eye

His mom taught him better than to be grossed out

She’s a single mom which makes Fujio probably more respectful than the other guys around him

Does those cute couple tiktok trends with you

Talking to a bunch of girls while dating you

I don’t mean like cheating but he’s flirting too much with other ppl

Fujio doesn’t mean to flirt but he’s like super fucking friendly for no reason and is genuinely really nice so it comes off as flirting

Calls you baby, babe, princess anything really

Doesn’t look like he can keep his hands to himself

Spends time staring at you cuz you’re really pretty

Definitely the kind of guy that acts tough in front of his friends but is actually the little spoon

Unlike most the characters in this, he’s actually really sweet

But he enjoys his freedom

Is NOT the kind of guy that will let his friends make fun of you

He’s actually a pretty good listener

Will not help you with your homework cuz he didn't do it and wasn't paying attention

Has a very subtle couple picture of both of you as his lockscreen

Would 4.5/10 listen to his friends if they tell him to break up with you

-ˏˋ tsukasa ˊˎ

Cold, like super cold brrrrr kinda cold

Also a playboy like Fujio

I mean come on, look at him

Everyone loves pretty guys that look like girls with deep voices

Pretty privilege and he uses the fuck out of it

Definitely not a cheater but kinda toxic

Lies when he doesn’t really need to

Unironically calls you “pretty girl” when you’re mad

Does he actually like you?

You’ll never know

Honestly he seems like the kind of guy that’s only ever had like 1 girlfriend and all the rest are his hoes

He gets away with so much just cuz he’s good looking

I feel like he’d have your location but you don’t have his

Probably only started dating him cuz he’s pretty and he only dated you cuz he’s bored

He gives you skin care tips

Pretty guys are usually pretty freaky if you know what I mean

Doesn’t look like he can keep his hands to himself just like Fujio

He’s very mysterious and that’s what attracts people to him

Probably gets bored pretty quick tbh

You’re not gonna see him often because “bros before hoes”

But he values his private life so if he does genuinely like you he will only later tell his friends about it

Unlike Fujio, no one will no about your sex life

I think he’d be more on the possessive side tbh

So he won’t keep you as his lockscreen or ever post you (cuz why tf does anyone need to know who you are?)

If he actually wants the relationship to be serious, that’s when he’ll drop his hoes

Spends time staring at you like Fujio cuz he thinks your pretty

Will 1/10 breakup with you if his friends told him too

-ˏˋ todoroki ˊˎ

worst bf in existence (1/3) I’m (not) sorry

Probably hasn’t dated a lot but has a lot of hoes if you get what I mean

Tbh I’d be such a whore for Todoroki

He doesn’t think he’s all that good looking but girls seem to like him a lot and he takes advantage of it

Doesn’t really need his friends validation nor does he date because everyone else is and he doesn’t wanna be the one left out,, he doesn't give a fuck if he is

Mfer dates cuz he’s bored

if he actually likes you, no one will know who you are so forget the whole aspect of being shown off

you're basically his secret

You post him, he won't post you (lol tbh I wouldn't post my bf either,, maybe a pic of our hands but never his face)

Probably won't call you a pet name but maybe call you the nickname you're called at home if you have one or the same nickname your friends call you if they call you one

Definitely prioritizes fighting and the fucking Oya High leader ship more than you

You hate it but he's hot

does he actually like you?

You probably won't know

rarely actually pays attention to you

but when he does you have ALL his attention

tbh I see him dating someone low-maintenance where he doesn't have too put much effort in

not that toxic, just doesn't know how to fucking communicate

1/10 would breakup with you if his friends asked him too (doesn't need to validation)

-ˏˋ sachio ˊˎ

definitely an actual good boyfriend

I get major husband vibes from him (maybe cuz I'm super delulu for sachio but that's not the point)

not a red flag or toxic at all but somethings can be questionable

NOT the type to talk shit about his exes because he's mature enough to know problems can come from both sides

Yes I am picking favourites, my babes satchi can do nothing wrong

definitely gave you flowers the first valentines day you two were together for

honestly though,, like Todoroki, I doubt this guy would show you off too

Satchi seems to paranoid for his own good so don't expect to be going out in public with him

He's got a sister and I'm assuming(from popular headcanons) his dad passed away so his mom is alone,, therefore he had to be the man of the house

So he doesn't really give a fuck about periods

very knowledgeable about them tbh

seems like the kind of boyfriend that will gladly drive you and your friends around because he genuinely wants to be a part of your life and he thinks all of you are shitty ass drivers

friends with your friends because he wants to be apart of your life

Also takes what your friends say about you with a grain of salt because he knows all of you are ride of die type of ppl and they'd gladly lie for you to him

family oriented fr

went to ikea with you

you both are basically married

I'm so delulu for this guy omg

I don't see him as flirty

Doesn't pick up the signs when another girl is flirting with him and sometimes you think he's playing dumb on purpose

clingy mfer

you have each other's locations on

his contact name for you is just "♡" cuz no one needs to know your name

I'm not even kidding none of his friends will know who you are until maybe a long long time later

possessive but on the lowkey cuz he knows you value your freedom

Tbh I'm not even being delulu here, Sachio just genuinely seems like a really good guy

(not saying the rest aren't they're just very questionable)

long story short, I am his whore and I couldn't write anything actually realistic for him

0/10 would breakup with you if his friends asked him to

-ˏˋ yuken ˊˎ

I see him very similar to Fujio

Excpet Yuken knows he's being flirty

he flirts with other people on purpose cuz it's a bad habit now

also has major pretty privilege like Tsukasa

also uses the fuck out it

Jinkawa or maybe Shidaken or Sachio also know too much about your sex life

Like about that mole you got on your ass or some weird shit

they also unfortunately know about your kinks

It's like Fujio but in a different font

lets you do his hair and in return gets to do yours

doesn't know the definition of toxic masculinity so he will very gladly let you do his makeup

and sometimes his nails

Once again, not a cheater and actually not toxic

I already said he's like Fujio so this guy is gonna just be super flirty with everyone and everything with a beating heart

If compulsive flirting is a disorder then Yuken suffers from it

I wouldn't say he's a bad boyfriend but he flirts too much with other people and a lot of people consider that as cheating

Yuken seems like a pretty good listener

But he also likes talking a lot so be prepared to listen to his problems

lets you wear his glasses sometimes

When he's not busy he comes to your school to get you so you can go on dates

likes having all your attention

arcade dates are probably the most common

but he outshines out girls boyfriends ther by getting those girls stuffed animals and shit like that

I would say he's really a lot like Fujio

4/10 would breakup with you if his friends told him to

-ˏˋ kōhei ˊˎ

worst boyfriend in existence (2/3)

I doubt he even actually likes you

A complete asshole but you love that cuz you’re a lowkey masochist and red is your favourite colour

Randomly turns off his location and tells you “don’t worry about it” when you ask

Red flag (but in my culture we wear red at our weddings)

Doesn’t give you the time of day

is probably only dating you cuz you're hot and give him head or some shit

idk this guy is just really shitty

He's hot tho lol

gives me group leader kind of vibes

you never wanna date the leader of the group, they're always the shittest

his friends will never ever tell you the truth

I lowkey see him as a cheater tbh

and a gaslighter

"It was such a small thing and now look you've turned it into something huge when it doesn't even matter" type of guy

Just a fucking asshole

If you're with him I'm just gonna assume you're into pain or something

Or using him for his money (if yes then get that bag sis)

He also thinks you're with him for his money

If you actually aren't using him, it doesn't matter he just has major trust issues

good luck actually getting through to him

In the hypothetical situation where he actually likes you, prepared to be shown off

I see him as a very pda type of guy to show off how hot his girlfriend is to make others feel inferior

Probably won't give a fuck about what you're wearing if that is the case

he's also toxic asf idk if I mentioned that

Probably doesn't call you petname unless you're mad at him

7/10 would breakup with you if his friends told him to

-ˏˋ ryo ˊˎ

worst boyfriend in existence (3/3)

i did him and kōhei so dirty I'm not sorry

Loves Kōhei more than you

As hot as he is, let's be fucking honest with ourselves because part of the reason Kōhei thought he was so unbeatable was because of Ryo

Ryo let Kōhei get away with so much shit

and this hot ass mfer jsut seems like the type to listen to his friends and constantly need their validation

as hot as he is, plz don't date a guy like this

But unlike Kōhei, he's not a cheater

but he's pretty toxic

like he needs to know where you are all the damn time

crazy paranoid too

doesn't think you'll actually cheat but it's more his friends telling him you would

for him too be a good boyfriend he need to get new friends or like idk transfer schools

he definitely likes you, it's just he's so emotionally constipated that you can't tell if he actually does

only calls you petnames in private

I don't see him as the type to have hoes or flirt around

But that doesn't mean he'd be a good boyfriend

He lives for his friends validation

So if his friends make fun of you or talk shit, don't count on Ryo to defend you cuz he'll be laughing too

not a gaslighter but doesn't admit to the things he does and just tells you to leave it in the past

pisses you off but he's hot asf

tries to spend time with you but would leave your for his friends fr

102902/10 would breakup with you if Kōhei his friends asked him too

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honeylations · 9 months

Text

CHANELLE MOON x FEM!READER

Prompt: You break up with your boyfriend because you fell in love with your bestfriend. And she’s very much in love with you too.

Warnings/Notes: Soccer player/captain Chanelle, high school au, violence, bestfriends to lovers YEEEHEEEE

A/N: Because we love Chanelle <3

BRO HER SMILE???

Got me fucked up fr.

OKIE TO THE STORY✨

———

You stared at your reflection in the school bathroom mirror, reassuring yourself that everything was going to be okay, that you’re only following what your heart wanted. But not matter how many breaths you took, your heart was still beating painfully fast from the anxiety.

“I knew I’d find you here, loser” Jiwoo spoke.

You didn’t even hear her come in.

“Sorry, was fixing my lipstick” you lied and Jiwoo could see it.

“It’s okay to feel nervous, Y/n. This is for the sake of your heart”

You looked at her and slowly nodded. “You’re right”

“Come on, let’s get this over with”

Once you reached the soccer field, you saw Chanelle waving at you happily from afar, already sweaty from the drills she went through with the team. You waved back before walking over to where the boys soccer team were training.

Soobin ran towards you, about to wrap his arms around your waist but you were quick enough to stop him. “Everything alright, babe?”

The name made you cringe.

“Soobin, I wanna talk privately” You said while fiddling with your fingers.

“I’m in the middle of practice” He frowned.

“Just for a few minutes, please?”

The rest of his team appeared behind him, Yeonjun juggling the ball between his hands when he smiled at you.

“Hey sis”

“Hi Yeon. Can I speak with Soobin please?” You asked your older brother.

“Yeah of course-“

“Y/n, I don’t have time for this. If you have something to say, then my boys can hear it too” He scoffed and crossed his arms.

Jiwoo rolled her eyes and raised her brows at you to just say it. “Alright then. I want to break up”

The smirk he had died down immediately, arrogance turning into confusion, then turning into anger.

“What?”

“You heard me Soobin. These past weeks of being with you, I noticed you don’t even treat me right as your girlfriend. Everything always had to be your way no matter how inconvenient yet they were. Oh and to mention that you openly flirt with other girls but get mad at me when I ask Huening Kai for his study notes?”

“I-I…”

“Don’t even try to defend your actions because you knew what you did was wrong but it sadly hurts your ego to man up and own up to your mistakes and that’s what my brother and friends warned me about”

Soobin looked at Yeonjun who death stared him.

“And also I’m in love with someone else” You finally confessed. “Someone who actually cared about me and took my feelings into consideration when you never did”

The taller boy’s jaw clenched as he stepped closer. “You can’t break up with me”

“Oh? And why’s that?”

He abruptly held your wrist tightly. “Because I said so, you’re gonna be my girlfriend whether you like it or not”

Yeonjun dropped the ball and approached Soobin out of anger only to get shoved away. “Fuck off Yeonjun”

“Don’t fucking touch my sister, you worthless piece of shit!” He yelled, trying to escape Taehyun’s hold.

“Chanelle…isn’t that Y/n?” Moa pointed.

The said girl looked behind her, seeing your pained and scared expression when Soobin forcefully grabbed you and pushing your brother.

“Fuck” Chanelle grabbed the soccer ball and ran towards you with Moa and Iroha following.

She ditched the ball hard into Soobin’s face who fell backwards. “AH!”

Chanelle was quick to look at your wrist, blood boiling at the bruise the boy left behind. “Are you okay?”

You didn’t get time to answer when Soobin stood back up and harshly shoved Chanelle into you that you both fell over, your head hitting the ground quite hard.

“Piece of shit!” Chanelle got back up and threw her fist into Soobin’s face, a gross crack heard by the entire crowd.

“Y/n!” Jiwoo and Iroha helped you sit up, gasping at the blood that started to drip from your nose.

On the other hand, Chanelle was completely on top of the boy, swinging at his face and ignoring the pain she was feeling in her knuckles. Yeonjun pushed in and yanked Chanelle away from the bleeding Soobin.

“I fucking hated you from the start, Choi Soobin. I’ll kill you next time” The taller girl growled, shrugging away Yeonjun’s hands.

“And next time, I’ll help” Yeonjun added to the threat.

“Chanelle, take care of my sister please. I’ll deal with this idiot first”

The female soccer captain nodded and kneeled in front of you, cupping your face. “Y/n?”

“I don’t think I can stand. My head hurts so much” You whined, accepting the tissue Moa was shoving in your face.

Chanelle hooked one arm under your back and the other under your knees, carrying you bridal style. “I’ll carry you to the nurse’s office then”

“This is so kdrama coded” Iroha whispered to Jiwoo who laughed.

“T-Thank you” You mumbled shyly, hiding your red face into her neck.

“Moa, can you take charge of training?”

Moa saluted cutely. “Yes boss!”

Finally being treated by the nurse, your blood nose stopped and Chanelle held an ice pack on your wrist, her own knuckles being kindly wrapped up by the nurse.

“I need to send papers to the principal about this so I’ll leave you two here. Just close the door properly before you go” The nurse said, you and Chanelle nodding in response.

“Are your hands okay?” You whispered.

“Why are you whispering?” Chanelle whispered back that made you chuckle.

“I’m still shaken up about what happened. I didn’t expect Soobin to react like that”

Chanelle placed the ice pack on the table beside her and held your hands out of comfort. “What happened anyways?”

“I dumped him, that’s what happened” You looked away.

The soccer captain couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief wash over her body. “Why?”

Looking back into her charming eyes, you smiled. “Because I’m in love with someone else”

Chanelle felt her hope jump out the window. “Oh…May I ask who?”

You noticed the slight disappointment in her tone which got you giggling. She looked so cute trying to hide her jealousy. “Well she’s on your soccer team”

“Eh? Is it Moa? She is quite smart isnt she”

You cupped her face and squished her cheeks together. “You’re so dumb”

“Hey! Don’t be mean, I’m trying to be supportive here”

“Ugh you idiot, it’s not Moa! It’s you! I love youuuu~” You cooed.

Chanelle’s eyes sparkled. “Huhhhhhhhh? You love me? Me??? As in Choi Y/n loves Chanelle Moon?!!”

You laughed as Chanelle moved closer. “Say it again so I know I’m not dreaming”

“I love you, loser!”

Chanelle punched the air to show her victory. “I love you too, Y/n. I always have” she held your waist lovingly.

Without thinking, you leaned in and pressed your lips against her’s, clearly catching her off guard but she returned the gesture anyways. Your arms moved around her neck, letting her tower over your sitting position on the bed. She pulled away and leaned her forehead against your’s.

“I’m so happy, Y/n. You make me so happy”

“Good. I’d be worried if I didn’t”

“Don’t make me take back what I said” She frowned.

“You’re such a baby~” You looked at her lips.

“I’m your baby”

“Yes. Yes you are” You smiled and this time Chanelle made the move to kiss you.

A/N: ok so I wrote this before I found out our baby girl got eliminated T^T

I’ll remain delusional :p

#gxg #wlw #Chanelle moon #Chanelle x reader #r u next x reader #r u next

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klaineownsmysoul · 1 year

Note

D is solely performing at cafe Carlyle let's showhorn his 'so' in... Were celebrating snixxmas in honor of a friend who has passed away let's shoehorn C's so in... I don't understand these people.. like read the room, read the event, the atmosphere... Stop shoehorning people in who have nothing to do with the context of the event.

That's my dream, anon. That's my dream. To have D and/or C be able to participate in an event and actually have the press be about them and their talents without the constant, unnecessary, and unwelcome additions of their respective plus ones. My goodness wouldn't that be a treat and a half?

Up until a few months ago, C’s pr had a much more subtle tone to it when it came to his plus one. He was mentioned and would show up in a few pics (though there was an awful lot of AF around to pose in between them and to me, they always looked more like buds than boyfriends) but it wasn’t the overwhelming jesus fuck here we go again feeling like I have with D. But we’ve gotten more of him and them in the past few months alone than we did in the last few years combined and its had all of the smoothness and lack of subtlety that I usually attribute to D’s team. And this instance would be a perfect example of a situation where his presence isn’t necessary at all and feels off. We get it. Stop beating all of us over the head with it and move the fuck on already.

D's shitty team has zero idea how to market him outside of 2 ways: the super duper straightest dude bro who's ever lived or a pretentious-sounding hipster douche. Both of those versions of him, of course, are centered around his amazing lady of many moons and the life of special togetherness that they share and what fan of D's doesn't want to hear about that all day every day? The fact that his professional achievements are back burnered so we can learn important things like what he does when the little wifey falls asleep is moot. None of us should care about things that don't heavily involve her because really - what's the point? Why spend time on things like his music and letting him talk about the things that matter to him when we can hear stories about the time she peed herself at a concert or her gross bar? Just as long as she's mentioned somehow and gets her daily dose of free promo for doing jack shit. That Sunday article was such a pathetic joke. You know the thing that was missing from all of the name-dropping? The baby. Funny how he and the little wifey have time and energy to go to all of these funky places on the weekends but never once did it sound like these are places they would bring their kid. Because they’re not. They seem to want to maintain their carefree party hardy lifestyle even with a new baby at home and don’t seem to care otherwise. A few choice pics from one trip aren’t going to change the past. And we’ve now got references to her being in the audience at his shows because of course she is because nothing is ever allowed to be just about D. The topic at hand doesn’t matter; somehow someway she will be shoehorned into whatever is being discussed. Its an endless cycle that gets sadder with each passing day and continues to prove how empty her life really is if she’s not hanging off of D’s career.

#anonymous

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xocasper · 2 years

Note

BITCH OH MY GODDD I JUST READ KISS AND TELL?!?!?!!!

i dont know how i hadnt read it yet but oh my god i literally hate you so much that was the best fic ive ever read?? it got so poetic by the end wtf

my personal favorite line was "It seemed as though you had shed your exoskeletons, leaving nothing but the reality that laid beneath layers of labels and assumptions, facades and fronts." LIKE HOLY SHIT BRO YOURE SUCH A GOOD WRITER WHAT

i just love the entire ray's sister concept, and i realy really really love how you didnt make her all naive and sheltered (esp during the smut) because i love the older brother's best friend au but people always make the reader so embarrassing HAHAHA so i really applaud how you made her confident and even snarky at times. no secondhand embarrassment in this fic!

also the reader's friendship with the other guys is YES 🙌

just total chef's kiss all around, love you cas!

OKAY SEVERAL THINGS BECAUSE I COULD WRITE AN ENTIRE RANT ON THE MAKING OF THIS FIC

1. i adore these long messages. i appreciate you sm <3

2. she’s a fucking masterpiece. i consider myself to be relatively humble but kiss and tell is my magnum opus. i will never beat her and i don’t think i want to.

3. i love writing poetic shit. i love metaphors and imagery. i think my favorite lines are either the entirety of the religious guilt passage (mainly “the taste of unholy desire graced gerard’s tongue, wicked truths and sugar-coated lies having him believe that sin would swallow him whole.” for some reason my best writing is done at ~5:30pm. i love that part. i think about it a lot, actually.) or the five senses passage! (i cant pick favorites here honestly. taste and smell absolutely fuck though, i love those lines. smoke and earth?? tongue and teeth and hands where they’re not supposed to be?? shakespeare could never!)

4. i actually wrote that part with a single stream of consciousness at roughly 1am in my notes app! i also do my best writing in my notes app, and i can’t figure out why.

side note: hearing about people’s favorite parts and when they tell me that they laughed at my jokes is the best feeling ever. i love your asks and comments so so much.

5. yeah, it was a really great request! i forgot to mention in the author’s note and stuff that i changed it to step to be more inclusive, but it’s only mentioned in the beginning. i have a couple half siblings and i’ve always considered them full, so i didn’t make it too obvious throughout the rest of the fic.

going along with being ray’s sister, i wanted to give her a sense of edginess that wasn’t overbearing. i feel like ray gets babied in a lot of fics, and i genuinely hate it. rather than making him all innocent, i gave him the overprotective brother role, and even then, i tried not to make it suffocating. he’s worried about her mixing in with the wrong crowds because he’s an outcast himself. he doesn’t baby her either, and they have a similar dynamic to the ways’, except ray’s a little more protective.

6. i didn’t want her to be naive either! the last thing i wanted was to give myself second-hand embarrassment, much less my readers. just because she’s younger doesn’t mean she hasn’t done the same shit. i don’t really picture her as a virgin with a perfect liver and lungs. fics that make the younger sister all innocent make me uncomfortable tbh; it feels like infantilization, which is frankly, really gross.

7. making the reader witty is my favorite thing to do. i don’t know why readers are never written as confident and sarcastic, and instead defaulted to boring and naive. live a little, make your reader less insufferable!

(now that i’m thinking about it, my favorite part might actually be the banter towards the end—“honey, your brother is gonna kick my ass if i sleep with you.” “baby, you’ve already got one foot in the grave for kissing me, and i’d hate for you to die a virgin.” where did that come from??)

8. i really wanted to highlight the fact that she’s friends with all of them! she’s not the annoying little sister; she’s actually pretty cool. i used the mikey way effect, if you will. frank and the reader have this goofy relationship, similar to their relationship with gerard but very platonic. they’re the kind of friends that would fake an engagement for free dessert.

mikey and the reader are the same age, and both pretty quiet compared to the rest of the group. i didn’t touch too heavily on it, but they’re definitely the kind of friends that can read each other with one look. they lay on his bedroom floor in comfortable silence and listen to music just to escape loneliness. all in all, they’ll do pretty much anything together because they simply love being around the other.

9. CAS. I AM UNWELL. I’VE ALWAYS LOVED NICKNAMES :,))

10. i love you too! thank you for reading and leaving the sweetest messages for me. it makes my day every time!

#answered asks

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goblinsneversaydie · 2 years

Text

is it wrong that i actually liked the way the show is handling will’s pining storyline? allow me to explain: it feels so real to me, i cried for the character because i relate to his situation on such a personal level. i was in love with my best friend since i was 12, my feelings for her didn’t leave until i was 18. she’s heterosexual, i’m (obviously) not and i had to sit there with her, give her relationship advice and encouragement for every guy she ever had any amount of interest in. i had to watch her fall in and out of love with people, and hide my feelings behind my encouragement because i knew my feelings would destroy our friendship and that i would be coming out to her at the cost of losing her. it was painful, it was traumatizing and it made me miss out on so many teenaged experiences because i was so hung up on her and wishing, hoping that one day she’d change her mind about me.

will’s storyline is the most heart wrenching, to me, this show has ever had because while he didn’t have the coming out so many people wanted, he is representing so many closeted, hurting kids that go through this regularly, that are living his situation. and unfortunately, life doesn’t work out the way fandoms want it to. in real life, you confess and 98% of the time, they don’t feel the same and your friendship is destroyed. and that’s in MODERN time, let alone the 80s when being anything other than heterosexual was demonized and stereotyped. will has every right to be scared, to not be ready, to not outright say he’s gay because he doesn’t know what will happen afterwards. he doesn’t know if he’ll be accepted or if his best friends will be weird around him and not want him around anymore. and let’s face it, a kid like mike in the 80s, would definitely be the type to make gay jokes and be a little homophobic. obviously they can’t portray that in the show because he’s a main character but, if I was will? I’d genuinely believe mike would be grossed out by my sexuality. I would not feel comfortable coming out to mike in general, let alone if I had feelings for him. to make matters worse, they’re like 14-15 years old? if mike was going to be uneducated and small minded at any point in life, it’d be around that age and I’m saying that from experience, my old best friend was insanely homophobic around that age and stayed that way until we were 17-ish. not too mention, they’re also from a small, obviously religious town? and probably had little to no interaction with lgbt+ people as a result? at least not any that were out of the closet. i mean, even robin, she came out when coming down from a high and you can’t even say it was because she was confident or comfortable with steve, it was obvious in her coming out scene that she was waiting for him to become upset with her. she expected a bad reaction at first. now, she’s older than will, has had more time to explore her sexuality and figure herself out, and still, she was nervous and it took all of that for her to say something. imagine will, so young and frightened and insecure, surrounded by zero support (he didn’t get jonathan’s until vol 2 and even that was more of a generalized ‘I’ll always be here’ type) and in love with his best friend. that’s fucking terrifying and when in that position, you feel like the entire world is against you and like somethings just wrong with you.

say what you want about the duffer bros writing, but they captured that feeling of helplessness, internalized hatred and pain perfectly. they took into account the situation, the background and the character, and although it wasn’t what anyone (even myself) was expecting or wanted, it was spot on. i felt like i was watching a version of myself on the screen, it took me back and made me feel like I was watching someone live part of my personal story. i sobbed like a baby at will’s van scene and at mileven’s confession, seeing him there, hearing what mike had to say, I LIVED that shit and noah and the duffer bros hit me harder than any other piece of media ever has. it was a punch in the gut and I applaud them for showing us the hard to swallow part of someone’s coming out. that’s what will is going through at the end of the season, and I have no doubt that they will turn it around and show us the closure that comes after in the next season. the letting go, the picking yourself up and realizing you’re worth more, that you deserve better. I have a strong feeling that’s where will’s story is headed and I love it. furthermore, there’s no way they didn’t know the backlash and anger they’d get for portraying it this way, especially considering pride month just ended. but they still bit the bullet and risked losing tons of viewers to portray the bitter, frustrating and cruel part of both having feelings for your best friend and struggling with your sexuality as a young teen. that takes guts and tells me that they have a plan for where will is going, that they aren’t just winging it and giving us unrealistic outcomes for a situation that is so much deeper than that and comes with so many emotions and fears. that they aren’t taking will’s sexuality at face value and tossing a half hearted happy ending in his direction just to please viewers. that they’re actually dedicated to writing a nuanced, tough to swallow, hard to watch plot that I don’t doubt will end in a much better way than people are assuming. we are seeing a vital piece of cinema history starting to play out, and i know this will go on to be the performance of noah’s life.

it isn’t poor writing or queer baiting, they’re setting us up for something so much bigger than that. and so much better than what we were expecting this season. mark my words, season five will be the most amazing performance noah and finn have ever put on, and whether it ends in mike accepting will’s feelings or not, doesn’t fucking matter because it’s not about him. it’s not about byler. it’s not about ships or what actor says what. it’s about a kid struggling to accept himself and his feelings, and pulling himself out and away from internalized homophobia, understanding what he’s worth and finding the confidence to come out on his own time and his own terms. that’s what it’s about. that scene, about being a mistake, watch it come around in full circle with will in season five, accepting that he is not a mistake and that NO ONE, not even mike, can make him feel that way because HE knows who he is and HE loves himself enough to not care anymore.

so yeah, that’s my take and how I feel about the way the season ended. feel free to tell me I’m wrong but, I have more faith in where this is going and I really think it’s going to end beautifully. I loved the plot, I loved the build up, I loved the teasing and pining and pain. it sent me back to my early teenaged years. and while he didn’t officially come out this season, they’re definitely building it up to be huge in the next.

#stranger things #will byers #noah schnapp #stranger things vol 2 spoilers #stranger things volume 2

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jadedrrose · 2 years

Text

Man fuck it I’m ranting here lol

(Y’all do not need to read this at all)

My 2 friends like do not understand I don’t want to cut off my family? Anytime I say “oh my parents pissed me off today but it’s like fine I’m just mad” they immediately tell me I have to run away and cut them off?? And then I’ll entertain them and be like “ok but where do I go? Because if I cut them off by extension I’m cutting off my cousins/extended family and can’t stay with them” and then they just go “oh idk figure it out” BUT THEN WHEN ONE OF THEM RAN AWAY WHEN THEY CAME OUT AS NON BINARY THE OTHER ONE OFFERED FOR THEM TO LIVE WITH HER???? I also don’t even have a fucking car because I’m poor as shit, so how do they expect me to leave with no help at all when I also have 6 animals to take with me. Their other solution is then “you need to go to college then bc you’ll have a dorm” but bro??? if I’m already poor with no car that ain’t gonna work, and I had my only change of getting a scholarship taken away because I had a shitty teacher in HS who failed the whole class. Also not to mention how hard it is to get hired?? I’ve applied to at least 15 places and only heard back from 4, all of which was just to tell me “actually we can’t hire you because you have no experience”.

And then there’s the fact I’m bi but due to excessive bullying from when I was in school I basically have a mindset of nobody could ever possibly find me attractive, so I can’t ever get married (bc I’m the type who’d be dating for long term stuff, absolutely no flings at all). So whenever I’m talking about that I’ll say “no guy would want me anyway I’m gross looking and have high standards” they’ll tell me “oh just marry a girl then” but like, no. Maybe I would date a girl (but again, I want to date to find the one I wanna spend my life with) but I can’t ever see myself marrying one, especially when my family would probably disown me if I did lol. (And is it wrong to say I would prefer a guy? Like I have crushes on girl characters n stuff but I’ve never seen a girl irl and wanted to fall on the floor and beg for her to love me lol) So then they say I have to cut them off so I can go marry a woman but like, I never even said I wanted to marry a woman? 😭 idk how they don’t understand this.

My last straw is that my mom might hire me to be a teacher at her preschool so then I was like “oh well I hate waking up early, so in theory I could go to sleep at like 7-8 pm and wake up around 3 ish so that I’m already up” and then they got mad at me for considering it ?? They were like “what if she just wants to use you for labor and not pay you? You’re just gonna be relying on her forever then” ???? Why would my mom not pay me… when she offered me higher pay compared to the retail stuff I’ve applied to……. what isn’t clicking….so then I said “it doesn’t matter anyway I’m not moving away until I can afford a small house, I’d have too much anxiety (I’m scared somebody around me would leave their oven or something on and then burn down my apartment where my beloved cats, puppy and snake would be) to live in an apartment” and apparently that logic makes no sense because I HAVE to leave now. I’m only 18, how could I possibly leave even if I wanted to???? uuughhfhtngnnfnfnffjfjgn

I don’t wanna cut my friends off either bc they’re literally the only friends I have left. And like usually they’re fine otherwise but idk

If you read this I am sorry but also grateful lol, I hope my train wreck life is at least entertaining like a Reddit AITA would be

#ranting

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josiebelladonna · 2 years

Text

i took a questionnaire about a month or so ago and i took it again to see if my self-esteem improved at all.

idk, make do with what you will out of these—i’m just trying to feel better about myself

How do you feel about your ability at work or in school?

In school, I worked hard. I studied hard but I often fell short and I really felt like I got lucky most of the time, especially when things got harder. A lot of it had to do with my feeling bored by it: i got bored by the incessant never ending ass-kicking by the course material.

The only time I’ve ever worked I was okay at it. Did what I was told and that was it. No one remembered me because no one asked for my name—I was a barista at dutch bros for about a month. I just made the coffee and I was nice to our customers and that was it.

Do you have talents? What are they?

I draw, paint, write stories and poetry, do ceramics, glasswork, i can weld, solder, make things out of metal and wood, i can cook , i like to bake, garden, go bike riding, hiking, play baseball and field hockey, i can sing, and speak 9 languages. I geek out over earth science, nuclear science, and also fashion of all things. I’m not good at any of those things by any measure, but I guess you can call them talents?

Do you believe you can be successful in a work or academic environment?

In academia, I’m restricted. I feel so stuck (not to mention, cheated out of money). I learn way better by myself, too, and I have decided that should I ever find my way back to school, i’m just going to learn a trade (something with my hands) because it’s so pointless now. I do like the idea of a classroom, though, just because I… like being around people, especially now that I’m older, I like that classrooms aren’t age-restricted and anyone can take a class. I just like how we treat school, though (and when I say “we”, I mean Americans).

And I just don’t understand the point of work. Like… why are you people so obsessed with going to this thing that you very obviously hate doing? I don’t understand how I’m supposed to deal with this.

Do you believe you have something to offer an employer?

I am never getting a job, ever. It’s such a waste of time just doing it for money and “looking competent” (instead of… you know. Being happy and really feeling content with yourself)—and not to mention, the way the world is now, if you’re not doing it from home, it’s a death sentence.

How much effort do you put into the things you want to achieve?

I don’t know what I want, to be honest, other than maybe be happy but that’s it. I quite frankly don’t give a shit about fame or “climbing the ladder of success” in any way.

How persistent are you?

I don’t care about success. I really just don’t care what happens.

…should I, though? I see messages like “be persistent” and “persevere and you’ll get what you want”, and all I can think is I don’t know what I want—it’s incredibly isolating, too, to be surrounded by these determined cohorts who know exactly what they want out of life in their sleep, and i just can’t relate. I want to want something out of life but it’s exhausting to even mention it. I don’t care about success enough and I don’t think I could be, either.

Can you learn from mistakes?

I try to—and I try to remember not to want to fucking kill myself when I do make one

Are you satisfied with your choices in relationships? Why or why not?

I have never been in a relationship (yes, get your shock and surprise out of your system) so I don’t even know how to answer this. I guess not?

Do you feel that you contribute to the success of your relationship? How?

Last time I had someone outside of familiarity tell me I’m beautiful to my face, I literally never saw him again, so… no.

Do you feel able to attract a suitable partner? Why or why not?

I wouldn’t even know how to do this. I’ve flirted with guys and I feel so gross afterwards, like it’s embarrassing

Are you able to accept not having a love relationship? Or do you need a relationship to define yourself?

I’m fine with not having one… but I’m also curious about it. Like… what do I need to do?

How do you feel about yourself as a sexual being?

Alright. Sit down. Listen.

I don’t like my sexuality at all. First of all, I find it baffling: you’re telling me that I’m supposed to enjoy this? …what? How? Second, I don’t even know how to label it. I love men but I find myself looking at women in that way, but I also find myself attracted to transgender people from time to time (maybe I’m pansexual? bisexual? who fucking knows). Third, I feel gross when I get sexual. I feel like I’m just leering most of the time, like I’m a fucking pervert for looking at someone I like.

I read something about this after hitting my head against the wall wondering what the hell this is supposed to even mean: it’s doing things that make you feel beautiful. Well, the times i feel “beautiful” I immediately regret it (like I’m put on the spot or I’m told that those shoes were expensive). My sexuality has done more to shame me than anything. I feel bad that I like a man and I think he’s sexy.

Even the phrase just annoys me. “sexual being”, it sounds so cliché that I want to puke my guts out every time I see it. I can’t say it without wanting to curl into a little ball.

Do you think other people like you? Why or why not?

First of all, why would I know this. Second, since we’re here, I don’t think they do. I grew up hearing that no one would like me should I ever “be myself”, and I am demonstrated time and time again that this is exactly the case. Even people who say they do like me, I find it hard to believe at first.

How do you treat others?

Like how they want to be. Simple.

Do you believe that you have something of value to offer friendships? What is it?

Came to the conclusion that, no. When someone is friendly with me, I feel like I have to prove myself to them over and over again. Someone considers me a friend, I want to ask why.

Do you require others' approval? If so, when?

No. Never have, either—even when I was getting more serious about my art back in 2015, I didn’t see the point in it. (No one likes me, why bother?)

Are you satisfied with your personal appearance? Why or why not?

I wish I was a few inches taller. Everyone thought I was going to be like 5’10” and I wound up at 5’7”, much to the disappointment of many.

I’m too heavy: i don’t look 256 pounds because most of it is in fact in my bones. And I love the big Buddha belly on Alex (he’s so sexy and cute with it), but my belly is too big and therefore ugly—i’m surrounded by so many mixed messages about body positivity, too. Fat women are apparently beautiful but not skinny women—skinny men are apparently the best but not chubby men, and I have to brace myself for the shitstorm to follow a comment like that. Why?

Do you try to look your best?

If by “best”, you mean in clothes that are comfortable according to how I feel and also contingent on the weather (shorts when it’s hot out, pants when it’s cooler), then yes. I don’t give a single fuck about things like makeup and I don’t see the point of looking “girly” or going to great lengths to look good and you’re going to wipe it off your face anyway. I just don’t get it.

Do you try to take care of your physical self? If not, why?

I hate being sick and in pain

What are your attractive qualities?

I honestly don’t think I’m attractive at all. I get people looking at me but they never say anything, though. It’s like they don’t know what to say to me.

How do you think others view your appearance?

Why the hell would I know this? Moreover, how would I know this? Like I said, it’s not like I can ask people what they think of my appearance without being looked at funny or being told “you’re beautiful!!” in a way that doesn’t feel honest.

Are you overly demanding of yourself?

Not since I realized academic performance is total bullshit seven years ago, no. There’s just a lot of things that I can’t do.

Do you compare yourself to others? In what ways?

My body. Couldn’t be taller and I just ~have~ to gain weight easily.

My art, too. Why can’t I get thousands and thousands of notes on a drawing I made when I get told that it’s honest (and people obviously like honesty and realness?) What am I doing wrong? What’s wrong with it?

My writing, too. Same story there: why is no one reading my stuff?

How do you view success? Failure?

Success, I don’t know. I honestly couldn’t tell you what success looks like: most of it being the fact that I just don’t care about it enough; the other side of it being I just don’t have a single clue because it’s so subjective and so complex and so… illusory and contradictory, too. No one likes billionaires but they’re obviously very successful. Every successful artist or musician is obviously completely out of their mind and a bunch of drug addicts but they’re obviously very successful.

Failure has happened to me so many times that I don’t even know how to describe it: it’s just a noise and a reality at this point.

How do you treat yourself when you fail? What do you say to yourself?

Why do I even bother. What was I thinking?

Do you have dreams? How capable do you believe you are to achieve those dreams?

I want to live in the Pacific Northwest. I want to travel to the places I want to travel to. I want my own gallery. I want to get something properly published—I don’t give two fucks about “the great American novel”, i just want something published.

(cue all the times i heard “and how do you plan on doing this? You need money. You need to find work.” whenever I shared a dream of mine—I hate my father. I do. I really do. I fucking hate him and what he’s done to me. Has never built me up or encouraged me and has instead resorted to worrying and fearmongering tactics and telling me that no one will like me if I “be myself.” Our relationship has never felt like a father-daughter thing, either: more like a “favorite coworker” relationship. And everything I do feels like a “you can’t tell me what to do, dad” sentiment.)

What do you need to achieve your dreams?

I don’t have a clue. It all feels impossible.

Do you have a sense of purpose that guides your life? What is it?

I have ask myself this every single day. Some days, I feel like I have no purpose. Some days, I feel like I’m just here for a good time. Some days, I want to do something great and historical.

How do you believe you fit in the whole scheme of things?

I’m that odd outlier you forget about over time. I get told to “be myself” because people will remember me… but they never do. I never tell anyone “oh, just be yourself!” because I couldn’t tell you a time it’s worked for me and I felt genuinely welcome for it.

What are your spiritual beliefs? Are you satisfied with those beliefs?

I’m agnostic. Organized religion has done so much trauma onto me and the rest of humanity that it’s impossible for me to take any part of it seriously. (My brother is a fundamentalist Mormon and has really gotten annoying with it the past five years, like you can smell it a mile away at this point.)

But I’m not atheist, though. I feel like there is… something. What that something is, I don’t know. And I say this because there are two religious institutions I’ve been to where it didn’t feel like I was being forced to convert and as a result, they were actually far more peaceful: a Jewish synagogue and a Buddhist temple.

Do you own your beliefs or do you believe what you were told to believe?

I came to this conclusion. (A fear of mine is my parents going and my brother forcing me to go to church the way my grandmother always forced me to)

Do you feel guided by your beliefs? Or do you feel burdened by your beliefs?

There’s some guidance, some underpinning in there. How much, I can’t say.

Are you able to develop and pursue interests that are meaningful to you?

Yes. The problem is I get bored and stuck. A lot.

Are you swayed by others' opinions about your pursuits?

Again, refer to all the times my dad or someone in my life callously talked me out of doing something that I wanted to do because of money or experience.

Also refer to the times I spoke up to a room full of people and they all hit back at me. All of them, like I was alone when I told my grandmother to shut her trap while we were watching a movie (one of the many things about her I couldn’t stand—don’t talk during movies, jesus christ ), or when I suggested something and I had family laugh at me.

Do you try to discover the possibilities within you? If not, why? If you do, what are those possibilities?

Yes, but I’m not sure what this is getting at, though. Like, what possibilities are we talking about?

Do you share your thoughts and ideas with others? If not, why?

Yes, but if you took a shot I got shot down for it by family, classmates, people on threads, on here, in fanfic circles… goodbye, my friend.

How do you feel about yourself overall?

“Comme çi, comme ça”, as we say in French. Not gonna lie, I feel like if I have more confidence then things wouldn’t be so hard (problem is the times I have shown it, I’m given a reason not to. And when I seek out help for it, I’m told just complete bullshit like “fake it ‘til you make it”—talk about surefire way to make me cringe. Or I get pushed aside: I didn’t reach out to you for no reason).

Do you use negative labels to describe yourself? What are they?

I’m uninteresting and an idiot who should’ve never been born

Do you use positive labels to describe yourself? What are they?

I guess I’m… pretty nice? I say this because of my past with eating disorders and suicidal thoughts and the body doesn’t forget. But I don’t know what else to do here, though.

What do you have trouble accepting about yourself?

My appearance, my sexuality, and my level of intelligence. All of utmost importance in this world and I come short in all of it.

What do you particularly like about yourself?

You know, I don’t really know, to be honest. I guess I like myself at the bare minimum just to get myself out of bed in the morning and I know there’s passion in there, too.

#personal #mental health #self esteem #text #recovery

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dentwy · 6 months

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number 1: adventure time

don’t quite remember how old i was when i first watched adventure time, but i sure remember watching it a lot. back then you’d just hop on tv whenever you could and watch whatever was on at the time. thank grob for streaming sites! i say half ironically since HBO's release of adventure time is quite pathetic in fact, but i digress.

obviously with fionna and cake airing this year there’s been a big resurgence in adventure time online that i’m pretty fond of. although i don’t draw myself, i follow around 10k accounts on twitter that are mostly just artists because i love looking at nice pictures. there’s one caveat though, i’ve never actually seen the entirety of the show. who the hell is this grass finn? princess bubblegum and marceline ended up together? holy glob. and so, i felt it was time for me to get on my two ass cheeks and actually watch the show.

here is a brief (?) off the shelf summary on what that was like:

as it turns out as a younger-ish boy i had only seen up to season 4, with a few extra episodes here and there. this means the lich was definitely a thing, but that’s kinda where it ended. re-experiencing the episodes i knew so well was definitely more fun than i was expecting. most i know by memory already, others lowkey tried gaslighting me into thinking they were different from how i remembered. so that HBO thing? you can look it up on reddit and go into detail but in general terms, some of them are kind of a mess with how they’ve been edited and censored. i believe a bunch might just be from the tv versions in some countries? but i clearly remember watching them so...

usually there’s a couple of things they want to avoid: butt stuff (so some fart jokes and grabbing-things-with-butt scenes), stuff that’s kind of gross, things like ripping off the lich's face off, deaths (?) and other extremely specific stuff. at times you will get scenes cut off that you don’t realize (ill mention one in a minute) and others that simply cut off in the middle of dialogue or battle to jump into something else. in 2023 i don’t even think this is that excusable.

two episodes stood out as a sore thumb to me. "storytelling" the 5th episode of s2, and "princess cookie" on s4 episode 13. ill refrain from explaining the entire episodes but first one has this scene where our titular "mrs cow" makes her first appearance. as she is instructed to do, she removes the bag since she also is beautiful as everyone else, only to turn out she should put it back on. pretty funny stuff, especially for a 13 year old. this little gag is completely removed. poof. gone. i almost shit myself i thought i was going crazy. i’ve been a fan of calling random shit i’m lying about part of the mandela effect now but it genuinely felt like that.

second episode is one of a tragic story, of a tragic cookie. putting aside the fact i think a he/him cookie wanting to become a princess is fucking awesome, this one just sucks. at the literal climax of the episode (spoilers!!) as they are in the middle of the exchange the episode just randomly cuts off to the following scene with princess cookie in the floor, shattered. extremely jarring. and you don’t even get to see the most important part of the episode! goddammit.

either way i could go on details like this forever but it’s mostly just a gripe i had as i watched with HBO than the show itself, as i was actually having a lot of fun as, in the end, it’s the characters that make adventure time what it is.

finn and jake are characters that are very easy to endear yourself to. i feel they’re generally the simplest ones from the cast, but that’s what makes them most malleable. they’re likable dudes, bros for life. do you not wish to have someone that will follow you to the end of the world? in life and even death? nothing can break these two. distant lands' "together again" is probably one of my favorite episodes. it was 200 episodes ago that jake established their special signal to find each other again once they’re dead, and real bros don’t forget. it’s a beautiful episode that completely wraps up these two in the best way they could’ve done.

ice king is someone i would have never been able to appreciate when i was younger. maybe for the first couple of seasons yeah okay he’s an unlikeable prick, but man. simon petrikov is such a tragedy of a man. forced to live in his delusions for the rest of his life, unable to remember his loved ones, or to be loved. forever obsessed with finding those who are important to him, without the means to do so. i gotta say, i never put two and two together before getting around watching the entire thing - but fucking tom kenny? what a legend.

alongside ice king comes marceline, and what is there not to love about marceline. she carries such a teenage angst with her that feels so passionate. every song with her is a blast to listen. "woke up" from obsidian in distant lands has to be my favorite. "i'm just your problem" is up there in the classics and how to forget the fries song. living for 1000 years has to fuck you up so bad man. she carries such weight after so long. saving people, losing them, making friends, losing them. "i remember you" from season 4 is such an emotional episode i’m pretty sure i cried watching it. every single marcie / simon flashback holds so much importance to both characters, as well as the world itself. i’m always a sucker for father & daughter stories and these episodes hit a really special spot.

with marceline, comes princess bubblegum, which i have to say is probably my favorite character in the show. your honor, she’s silly. bubblegum (fucking bonnibel? really?) shares this aspect of essentially living for 1000 years, eventually needing to put things behind. main difference with her is the fact, you know, she’s made out of candy, and candy people don’t exactly die of old age as far as i know. however, being in the spot she is, she holds great responsibilities she sometimes feels she needs to deal all on her own. she is actually such a fucked up individual, messing with people emotionally (and specially finn) just for the sake of it, and sometimes showing her apathy for people. she’s dedicated to a fault, often ignoring other's feelings or beliefs. sometimes for the better, but also for the worse. one thing that remains with me for sure is the simple fact that she’s just adorable, and i’m a big fan of them giving her different outfits and hairstyles as much as possible, which is exactly why i present my tier list of bubblegum outfits & hairstyles:

the ones that didn’t make it in are either irrelevant, spoilers or forgot about. why not marceline? because everything she puts on is a banger. extra special mention to "the star". what a fucking queen.

the last tier list will be for every character in the show in no particular order, because i need to make my opinions permanent:

except i lied obviously it’s not every character. the ones that didn’t make it in i either don’t care about enough or are so minor i don’t even have an opinion on them (or i forgot).

s tier is the people i couldn’t have put anywhere else, they just go there by default. prismo is awesome too so he goes in.

for a tier i feel the only two i need to specify about are doctor princess, which i just find really funny, and huntress wizard, which i actually like a lot. i feel she was definitely the one that would’ve been best to end up together with finn.

b tier are cool characters, i like them enough that i think about them often or have something about them that really stood out to me. james baxter actually being a mispronunciation of "games bookstore" is really fucking funny.

c has all the pups because i like them :), abraham lincoln is also really funny. martin i think i could put lower, but simply because he’s relevant to the plot he goes here. i never liked finn insisting to call him his dad when he’s such a shit person.

d is filled with weirdos that have something about them that may make them stand out a little bit more or maybe had a scene or episode that was cool. i don’t like LSP at all, but she’s the like third most important princess so yeah that’s fine, i guess.

f is filled with people i don’t give a shit about. a bit crazy how most of the princesses end up being completely irrelevant. you lost to a fire dog slime princess, how does that feel.

with that out of the way, what i want to finish off is the general plot progression of the show. there’s something really special about adventure time that i’m not too sure other cartoons do the same way. it manages to hold such a consistency throughout its run time that’s almost impressive. besides the first season where tree trunks dies on episode 4 only to reappear later on and only bring up the fact she’s "gone" on season 2, the show always makes sure to reuse characters, keep them around and stay true to its own timeline. there’s a context in this world, stuff has happened already, and things will continue to change. it might take some time to get the answers to your questions, but you will get them eventually. the past is already set in stone and the future is already on its way to happen.

most characters will make at least a second appearance at some point, and a lot of them even become more relevant for that episode, which i find really cool. no stone is left unturned and it shows that this world is fully lived in.

it was a bit hard for me to nail down what i believe the theme of adventure time is, what it all means in the end really. because no, "going on adventures is fun" is not it. it definitely is fun don’t get me wrong, its episodic in nature and most episodes end up working on their own, but is there more to it than just bros having fun? my take on it (i haven’t looked it up so no clue what other people think or even the creators) is the passage of time, and growing up.

the most relevant characters are the ones that have been around for centuries, the ones that have seen the world change and that have changed it themselves. generations move by and time keeps going. jake has a family, a new generation that will follow him. finn doesn’t have anything because he died a virgin but still, the humans are and will be around after so many years.

it’s important to live in the moment, appreciate the people dear to us and have our own "adventure" while we can, and i think that’s really nice to get across. as it stands, adventure time has moved through generations and i hope it will continue to do so.

#review #cartoon #adventure time #cartoon network #media analysis #television

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tariah23 · 6 months

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Uh….

There’s sm stsg fan content of Gojo being a rapist bro 😭… whaddahell… Gojo, stand behind me. Getou, I will save you. These ppl don’t deserve them.

One of the reasons why stsg makes me gag 90% of the time unless I think about it myself or if it’s from certain artists who don’t fandomize their mental image of Getou into a sensitive and weak housewife (Getou receives the Kakyoin treatment unfortunately. If you’re familiar with jjba fandom shit, especially from back when SDC was specifically airing then… yeah…) or Gojo into a super abuser who intimidates ppl on purpose and uses his strength to inflict pain on others because he knows that know one would physically be able to do anything to stop him. Not to mention the groomer HC (have seen ppl literally call Gojo a groomer in a giddy manner like “Gojo is on his way to Molest [redacted] 😍!!! My favorite groomer!) stuff via his students, especially Yuuji and Megumi because yaoi, right. Like… he loves kids, he’d never harm a child. He’s talked about how he wants to protect children on multiple occasions like man. Gojo has never come off as a pervert or anything like that before in canon. He wore Nobara’s skirt that one time (and ooc, especially if you aren’t familiar with jjk or his character at all, it would seem weird as hell that he’d even do something like that but he’s literally just silly as hell and acts like a big kid when it comes to his students. He’s always in a mood to joke around and tease them. And idk if some ppl would think that he was a pervert for that one hilarious bonus scene from S1 where he was pretending like he was Megumi’s piano teacher or whatever tf like it was whatever, it was silly!!!)

It’s wild. I think ppl like the idea that he’s this oh so powerful man and it gets them excited about what he’d probably do to let off some steam from being overstimulated with power and so on. Like where does he release his pent up stress. It’s pretty gross tbh. Why HC him as an abuser… (the fact that abuser Gojo HC’s are so popular. The curse of being a well loved and mega popular character from a mega popular shounen I guess 🗿. Not to mention, being the face of said shounen. Eek.)

It’s about the same in ff from what I’ve seen (just merely scrolling by the tags bro. I barely read ff but lord…)

#always crazy to me #rambling #I don’t appreciate it 🗣️

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tiredf-o-u-r · 1 year

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So if we never got a model for positive straight relationships, what about gay ones? Diary time girlies ✨ I need to process

I’ve been trying to remember the first real gay couple I became aware of. Like long term partners…I can only think of Ellen which I never really knew much about and still don’t, or what, Dan and Phil? What did that and goddamn supernatural teach me, that gay love is something you hope and pine for but never comes to fruition? Right like I guess that whole shipping and fangirl culture probably impacted how I see relationships huh. And those relationships were all insane man it was all like teenage girls shipping men acquaintances and them leaning into it more than they ever would because wtf do you do in that situation. And then the fanfiction would be some psychotic codependent shit. Just cause like the poor whatever year old that wrote it was in just as deep shit. So if reality was straight people suck and then the dream is gays being psychologically torturous no freaking wonder I am where I am now.

So yeah I’m thinking the roster of gay relationships was like whatever parasocial nightmare dan and phil lived through, I guess like Hannah hart and Joey graceffa’s era of YouTubers like as they came out they tried to be positive. I don’t really remember any of their relationships or Tyler or anything…and I don’t even wanna talk about Shane. Who else… then the band ships I guess were more like they were really in love but it was society or outside things that got in the way. So that’s a bit of a bummer as well. That shit went so hard omg man. That’s definitely fresher in my mind, it hurts my heart to think about reading it and relating to it. Omfg remember killing stalking THAT was Different. And the IT comic that was insane tentacle porn shit. I wonder if one presents those things to someone in an attempt to repel them. Is that possible? That like I only liked all the gross violent shit because of what was happening? Real life so lit the media had to be insane to be satisfying? Or genuinely trying to disgust the straight girl? Was that my revenge? Did it work? I guess a reaction was something. It must have been during the same time, now that I really think about it. I’ll hide this here that I just witnessed someone on the internet experience happiness and I’m dead faced several feet away arms crossed watching the people gather around and celebrate. I don’t relate to you anymore…at least not now, we gotta wrap it up if y’all gonna be happy. I don’t like happy people I don’t like sad people bro you need a THERAPIST. I’m just escaping what a human did. Anyway. Who else. Did I know that one teacher was gay? Well whenever I found out that dude was serving playing straight isn’t that fucking crazy. Man he really said to us that he had a girlfriend :( that’s actually so sad in hindsight. Cause it was weird to us anyway, literally every teacher we had had at that point was in a devoted Christian marriage, thank you very much. So adult long term gf was like uh okay heretic like I at least definitely didn’t pick up on the girlfriend being an alibi. Bro that was prolly his sister or some shit I don’t remember if he ever showed us pictures and of course it could’ve been a real relationship but if I met him now… I would be surprised to hear him mention a woman, stereotypically. Around that time I had a dream that we had a substitute teacher that had visible tattoos and I was like why is this happening is that allowed why is no one breaking the door down. I wonder if that was connected to anything. I had two good English teachers in a row, and I guess they were both good like connected with me and writing and stuff. Pfft. The teachers said we like you when you’re being anybody else. If you can make us some other shit that’s not here and now we’ll like that otherwise fuck off alright kiddo. That’s actually so funny. Writing a character:we love her! But not so much when they turn out queer huh. Then it’s a handful huh. Thinking about that time and high school, I’m really sitting here like, being transgender is like so fucking something psychological about the experience. I mean everyone being fine, but literally being trapped in a body that’s progressively every day turning on you. And everyone is complaining about the same thing, so what the fuck is wrong with you that you’re making such a big deal about it, right? Nobody likes misogyny, get over it and be a feminist like the rest of us, right? Bro I also just found out about the theory that early childhood trauma causes like a spike in cortisol generally right and that causes a spike in hormones generally and that is why those kids are like early developers grow up fast. Isn’t that sinister. Oh, you’ve experienced the horrors of adulthood? Now you get to look like one too. And now that you’re aware of some truths we’re gonna expect you to be as responsible as an adult but you have the agency of a CHILD. And the rest of the facts of life, oh and especially the stuff that makes life worth living like pleasure and happiness and contentment with one’s self,

They made sure to never talk about any of that stuff. Friendships relationships. Just figure it out! It’s fine! Nothing bad ever happens! I mean what the fuck. So you get to know the bullshit because there’s nothing we can do about it so the things that we could control, let’s hold onto that as tightly as possible, just go with whatever everyone else is doing, because we might as well right? No we don’t need to sit down and assign time to sit down and ponder and think about it and really really consider what was happening? Is that it?

Imagine if they could have been like…yeah the world is fucked up and it isn’t fair that you’re in on it but I dunno here are some good fucking things? Besides playing the goddamn piano? Besides getting a husband and having kids? Those were the pay offs I had to look forward to. No wonder I wanted to exit. That sounds horrible. That’s not real. That’s not reality. They misled me. If I’m sitting here saying the truth is something that is at odds with what’s been fundamentally installed in my psyche, then someone had to fucking install it, okay? They just lied to me. That is lying. They lied about what life was like? I dunno. I’m sure they tried and all but none of that mattered to me. I was being betrayed every day. That’s inSANE bro. I don’t want to be here. It’s eerie. I was always so right. And you know what else! I fucking figured it out! I still cracked the code motherfuckers! Gotcha! You can’t stop the gay from taking root! I heard fall out boy and it was over. I typed enter on my first tumblr username and it was different from then on, I had a chance to find out some thing ANYTHING else. So I guess landing on surface level 2010s edgy into gay internet meme culture YouTube bullshit is a relatively logical place to end up.

I just really listened to XO and heard the lyrics and I feel so viscerally emotionally heartsick right now I am so fucked up on this Pete. I need to wrap this up. Love never wanted me, but I took it anyway. Holy fucking shit. I’m not the same fnfndnenenbfuckingperson anymore. I’m not. That’s so fucking relieving. I never was that person. I guess I never really was that person, who betrayed himself. There’s that.

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weenhands · 1 year

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I’m sorry to ask such a personal question but could you expand on why you feel that way in relationships you mentioned in your vent post? About how you always feel like you have to perform certain roles in a relationship despite your partner not asking for it. I’m wondering because I feel the exact same way but haven’t determined why, maybe hearing your experience would help. Of course you don’t feel comfortable sharing that’s ok!

of course! i don't know exaclty why I feel this way, I think it may come from societal expectations on me as a girl, but I can try expanding on my experience in a more detailed manner and explaining some "triggers" for it. its mainly feeling as if i have live up to my own standards of what it means to truly be a romantic partner to another, as someone who is assigned female at birth/mostly leans towards feminine things.

i have these warped standards for myslef that i need to behave in a way where i am submissive to my partner, in a literal sense with everything in the relationship. i would never say no (usually to sex. during the several sexual encounters ive had over the past five years ive only said no once, when ive wanted to scream at the top of my lungs "no" maybe 8/10 times), i never put up boundaries, and i never speak up when i feel uncomfortable, and i preform as more girly. im "easy" to make my partner believe im this dream girl they can warp, control, use, and feel happy around because im not trouble, im not complicated. i just behave as this surface level girly girl. I am essentially my partners "pet".

to put it in perspective, think of every dude-bro's dream girl. think of how most men dream of a manic pixie dream girl, themselves. someome who's cool, easy, and attractive. it yields this intense insecurity in me where i feel i need to be the best girlfriend there is, so i compare myself to other girls, Even strangers. this is the main part of the insecurity; i don't date because i won't feel good enough (to literally some vague, impossible standard). i despise being open and sharing my insecurities. i despise vulnerable moments with my partner because you're not supposed to be making me feel safe, im supposed to be making you feel powerful. like "holy shit, no one could compare to my extremely hot girlfriend. im so lucky to have her. "

it's a very traditionally feminine role to embody so it's side effects are me creating this extremely hyper feminine persona i do Not purposely adopt...and neither really like, myself. it's of course also hypersexual as well. none of this i purposefully do, or feel like im really accomplishing anything Real. I do all of this without noticing.

both me feeling like i need to be the best girlfriend ever, sometimes in comparison to my partners past partners, and being as submissive as possible, those are standards i have for myself. BECAUSE of these standards which sound objectively ridiculous, i don't date. because if i jump into a relationship without being that kind of girlfriend, I end up feeling immense feelings of unworthiness and "grossness". i feel icky, and that feeling is so intense it ends up being this physical feeling of being gross, and terrible, and then my touch thing comes and i don't even want people touching me since I'm so yucky apparently, all because im thinking this person I have a crush on likely recirporactes feelings for me. but that's how intense and burdening those standards are. and then they confess and say they do recirporacte feelings. but im not who i think im supposed to be as a girlfriend, im not giving my best self to this person I crush on dearly, so i end up feeling so unworthy, I say no. over and over again. no matter how bad I want it. when i say yes, it ends in flames because i cannot handle how unworthy i feel and it burns the relationship to the ground.

ive had it since i was around 15. i don't want to be "some girl" to my partner, i have to be the best of the best. but it is so inauthentic to me, I cannot behave that way and score for those standards and feel proud of myself at all, so I dont reach those standards. and I feel gross and terrible about myself since I'm not, and think I'm unworthy of being anyone's girlfriend at all.

#typing this out more indepth makes me realize how stupid i am omg damn #0 points for feminism 1 point for the patriarchy #because clearly its taken me full force.#confessional #i hoped this helped!

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itsamejin · 4 years

Text

easy || jungkook angst/fluff

Summary: Date you, win a bet, get his rent paid off. Sounds promising enough, right? Jungkook should’ve known that his ambitions would end in disaster, but even if he did, that still wouldn’t have stopped him from pursuing you.

Warning: cursing, crude humor, fuckboy talk

Genre: college!au, fuckboy!au, bet!trope, angst, fluff

Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader

Premise: In which Jungkook accepts a bet from Taehyung to date the first girl that walks into the lecture hall and realizes that he bit off more than he could chew when starts to catch feelings. Now, he has to suffer the consequences of being an idiot.

Commission Request: @altus-gens

Word Count: 9,203 words

—

It's not like Jungkook planned to be one of the most sought after person in Yonsei University, but it somehow turned out to be that way. Truthfully, he basks in it, loves that so many people idolize him for doing the bare minimum. He was handsome after all and had a level of charm that surpassed the need to have a good personality.

He got into such a prestigious school through an athletic scholarship for Taekwondo, managed to convince his professors to pass him when he put in minimal effort, and there was no shortage of girls to call when he was feeling lonely for a night. He was the stereotypical 'it' boy on campus and maybe if he was a little bit smarter, he'd have a better choice of friends than the six idiots he always hangs around with.

"How about this," Taehyung starts, gum in his mouth, "the first girl who walks in, you have to successfully get in her pants."

Jungkook rolls his eyes. They were in a damn lecture hall and yet Taehyung had no shame bringing up sex. Typical.

“This again, bro?” Hoseok sighed. “Aren’t you sick of bribing us to do weird shit for you?”

Taehyung smirked.

“Not at all, actually.”

"For how much?" Namjoon cut in, probably curious for the price point Taehyung would arrange this time. He was fired from his job just a week ago and could really use the money. "I'll do it if it’s enough to pay for my rent this month."

Taehyung scoffs, although knowing full well he could pay for all of the boys’ tuitions combined if he wanted to. He was the resident rich bachelor on campus after all.

"I'll pay it for a full year and your utility bills too if you're really down," Taehyung flaunts. "You just gotta have proof you actually managed to do it."

"Dude that's gross," Seokjin chimes in, "No one wants to send you proof of us doing it with a random girl."

Taehyung shakes his head.

"No, no, no," he says, clicking his tongue. "I phrased it incorrectly. I’m not a fucking pervert."

“You got us fooled,” Jimin mutters.

Taehyung leans in closer to the six boys and even Jungkook finds himself getting intrigued. Admittedly, he was a little curious considering he hasn't had a proper meal in weeks. He could really use having some extra cash for food without worrying about rent.

"You have to date the girl for like three months," Taehyung says seriously, "and I'll consider that as enough proof that you managed to actually do it since I know you guys are too horny to wait any longer than that to fuck."

They all look at Taehyung in disgust, Jimin even opting to hit him in the back of the head for being so vulgar. To be fair, they were all thinking of accepting Taehyung's bet regardless. It's not like they were new to leading girls on anyway.

"You gotta pay me more than that to fuck just any girl," Yoongi says, yawning in the process. He seemed the least likely to take up Taehyung's offer, but he was still game depending on the person.

"Then how would you feel," Taehyung starts, "if I told you guys that I could get you priority registration for next quarter."

The boys, even the ones who weren't interested, were now listening to Taehyung's every word.

"You mean," Hoseok gulps, "I could finally get that fucking Organic Chemistry class I need to get out of this hell hole?!"

Taehyung shrugs, an ominous smile on his face.

"Just the perk of having parents who have connections," Taehyung replies. “I’ll only accept one of you guys to do it though. I don’t wanna have you all fucking the same girl- that’d be weird.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what’s weird about this,” he grumbles.

“So are you guys in or not?” Taehyung asks, his patience growing thin.

He lays back on his chair, a smoldering look on his face when they all nod. They were desperate for money after all.

"The next girl that walks in will be the subject of this bet and whoever calls dibs on her first will be the one to woo her,” he says with a stretch of his arms. “Good luck boys.”

They all turned to look at the door and Jungkook watches silently as guy after guy walks into the lecture hall. No girl yet.

Jungkook was hoping, from the bottom of his heart, that no familiar faces would walk in. If he had to deal with a past fling, he’d have to back out immediately. He never dealt with exes very well.

The guys are at the edge of their seats, praying for a cute girl to walk through that didn’t already know about their horrible reputation. They were looking for an easy target, someone that could fall for their charms almost immediately.

And then, you walk in. You were clad in sweats with earphones on, rushing toward the front row seats of the lecture hall. You were chatting with your friends, yawning several times throughout your conversation with them. Jungkook couldn’t help but smirk. There was nothing special about you to point out, in fact, you were just like everyone else. Strangely enough, he found that the most intriguing part about you.

"Nope, nope, nope," Jimin shakes his head repeatedly. "Can't, won't, never will. Sorry, Tae."

They all stare at him in confusion.

"What the fuck, what's wrong with her?" Yoongi asks, crossing his arms over his chest. Jimin faces away from you, not wanting to look at you any longer.

"No, nothing," there seems to be a blush forming on his face. He was hiding something.

“Bullshit,” Taehyung furrows his brows. “Bro, if she’s crazy and one of us gets our dick bitten off, we’re all blaming you, so spit it out.”

Jimin just sighs.

"She's been giving me Professor Kwon’s notes for the past few weeks,” he starts, much to the confusion of his friends. “Her name is [Y/N]. It'll be really mean if I go after her, especially since she and I are kind of friends. Plus, I really need to pass this class. I failed last quarter..."

The boys groan. Jimin was no fun.

"She's not my type so I don't think I could really get into it either," Seokjin states, no longer interested in the prize after Jimin’s confession. He’s been banking off of your notes from him too.

"Aren’t we all old enough to know not to mess with people’s feelings?" Hoseok sighs.

They roll their eyes at Hoseok’s statement. Who was he trying to fool with the nice guy act? He probably fooled around with girls just as much as the other guys did.

"Yeah, I’m backing out," Yoongi agrees, "and she hates me so there's that."

They all look at him questioningly and he puts his hands up in the air from their gazes.

"What? I just realized who she’s talking to down there.”

He pointed at a girl discreetly, but no one seemed to recognize her.

“Her friend and I dated,” Yoongi continues, “and I broke up with her over text and blocked her without letting her respond. That whole friend group is pretty much pissed at me. I'd rather not have to deal with them again."

The guys look disapprovingly at him. Breaking up over text was harsh, but probably not the worst thing Yoongi has done to his exes.

"You're actually a piece of shit," Namjoon sighs. "I really do need my rent paid though..."

Jungkook nods in agreement. It's been almost impossible to balance Taekwondo practices, college papers, and working a part-time job all at once. If he could somehow find a way to quit his job for a while and get priority registration for classes, then he doesn't mind getting his hands a little dirty in the process. Plus, you were cute enough and he's sure you weren't too difficult to befriend as long as he doesn't mention Yoongi in any conversations.

"I'm in," Jungkook chides, finally saying something after such a long period of silence.

They all look at him with disbelief in their eyes. Jungkook was never the one to partake in Taehyung's bets. In fact, he was the one usually ridiculing them for participating. He must have been really desperate if he was willing to do it.

"I mean, it's all yours if you want," Namjoon replies, "I don't wanna turn it into a competition.”

“Don’t worry dude,” Jungkook fist bumps Namjoon, “I’ll quit my job and refer you for it.”

They nod at each other as if they were on the same wavelength.

“I knew I could rely on you,” Namjoon says, faking tears from his eyes. The boys groan in response.

“Alright,” Taehyung claps his hands. “In exchange for providing me some mindless entertainment and going out with [Y/N], you will get your rent paid for the rest of the year and get early registration for next quarter. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.”

Jimin shakes his head.

“I don’t know about this, guys...”

Jungkook doesn’t hear him and instead takes one last look at you. You catch him in the corner of your eye and you can’t help but feel flustered at his serious expression.

“Should be easy enough,” he mutters to himself and turns his gaze back onto his friend.

“So we have a deal?” Taehyung asks.

He smirks, shaking the outreached hand Taehyung held out for him. He steals another glance at you and he finds you staring right back. He gives you a wink.

“Deal.”

—

Jungkook slid into the seat next to yours in the campus canteen, his eyes filled with determination. His posture was laid-back, but it was a little too obvious that he was trying to act like he didn’t care.

“Hi,” he greets you in a breathy tone- girls loved it when he spoke with his breathy tone.

“Hi?”

You’d been sensing that someone was staring at you during the lecture, but you thought that was just the paranoia that came from being near such an intimidating group of guys. Turns out, you should always trust your instincts.

Jungkook had a boyish grin on his face that made you want to smile back but also stare at him in disgust.

“I heard you help Jimin with Professor Kwon’s notes,” he whispers mischievously. “I’m struggling myself, actually...”

Not really, but you know. This was the easiest tactic to approach you- tackle your similarities. You nod understandingly at his words, not quite getting that he was flirting with you.

“Yeah I can send you the Google Drive folder,” you comply, taking your phone out. “But you can’t let Professor Kwon know or else he’ll flip out. He doesn’t want people to have the notes for some odd reason...”

You trail off but Jungkook just scoffs. You seemed clueless.

“That’s not what I necessarily meant,” he says, a little shy this time. “I need a tutor.”

You furrow your brows at him.

“Yeah, you’re gonna have to pay me for that,” you say seriously. The last time you offered to tutor someone for free, they ended up blaming you for their failing grade and screaming about it all over social media. You needed money to compensate for that emotional trauma. “Microeconomics is hard to teach.”

“Well thankfully I’m a good student,” Jungkook teases. You stare at him with a deadpan face.

“You wouldn’t need my help if you were a good student,” you say blankly, standing up from your seat. “My hourly rate is 20,000 Won. Take it or leave it.”

Jungkook’s eye twitched. He had to spend his money to get Taehyung’s money? Well, the payout would be worth it in the end anyway. He reaches out a hand to you.

“If you’d have me,” he says cheekily, looking up at you. You take his hand in yours and maybe for a second you felt your heart skip a beat, but that was soon over when you let go of him.

“You have sweaty hands,” you say straightforwardly. You wipe your hand on your shirt and he coughs awkwardly at how unresponsive you truly were. Didn’t Jimin say you were a nice person?

You take your barely-touched lunch tray and walk away from his pensive figure.

“Wait, can I get your number?” he yells. You don’t look back.

“Alright, whatever,” he mumbles to himself. “I’ll just ask Jimin, I guess.”

Without even a second glance, you disappear from his sight. He sits back on his chair, heaving out a deep sigh. Sure, this wasn’t the first girl that didn’t care much for his advances, but you didn’t even crack a smile or anything. This is going to be harder than he thought...

—

“She hates me,” Jungkook whines to Seokjin as they walked down the university halls to their next shared class. “Yesterday, I went up to her to get her number and I left with a fucking debt. Does that make any sense?”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have taken on the bet,” Seokjin yawned. “Namjoon would have wooed her with his poetry by now or some shit.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s interested in a dude who can’t even put on a hat without causing an earthquake.”

Seokjin smacked him on the back.

“At least he’d have the guts to say no to having a fucking tutor,” Seokjin replies. “You dug your own grave, man. Now roll around in it.”

“Do you want me to succeed or not?”

“I want you to not be a fucking dumbass, Jungkook,” Seokjin sighs. “Do you really wanna make your reputation worse than it already is?”

Just as Jungkook was about to reply, he catches a glimpse of you walking farther ahead in the university courtyard. You were a bit far but he’s sure he could make it if he hurries. He smacks the binder he held in his right hand onto Seokjin’s chest.

“Yo, can you cover for me,” he asks hastily and Seokjin stares at him with a concerned gaze. He watches as Jungkook takes off his backpack and leaves it on the ground. Jungkook looked about ready to break out in a sprint.

“What the fuck, why?” Seokjin questions.

“Just tell the TA I’m out for a bit,” he says in response, already running ahead to catch up to you. “I’m winning this fucking bet or I’ll die trying.”

Jin stands still, mouth agape. Jungkook really left him with his backpack and binder just to talk to you. He shakes his head. ‘I need to make new friends,’ he thought to himself, picking up the discarded backpack and walking in the direction of the class Jungkook was planning to be late to.

You were walking with your earphones on, not noticing someone sprinting at you in record speed. You only turn your music off when Jungkook stops in front of you, his hands on his knees. He was panting heavily.

“Hey,” he says through deep breaths. You nod at him awkwardly.

“Why are you running?”

“I wanted to... catch up to you... and I thought... you were closer... but the run here... took... fucking... forever,” he says breathlessly. “Water. I need water.”

You take out a bottle from your tote bag hastily, handing it to him. He took it into his hands, grazing your fingers a bit. As he was about to start chugging it, you halted him.

“Waterfall,” you say curtly- you were still planning to drink out of it later after all.

He nods in response, a drop of sweat cascading the side of his neck. After he was done, there was practically no water left anyway. ‘I’m gonna have to refill it myself,’ you thought begrudgingly. You stuff it back into your bag and wait until his breaths become more even.

“A bit out of shape, huh?”

He scoffs and gives you a glare, clearly offended.

“I actually have a Taekwondo scholarship, you know that? I just wasn’t warmed up and I’m naturally sweaty so it’s not like-”

You laugh a little.

“I’m joking,” you say, a smile adorning your face. He feels his face turn red and he can’t help but purse his lips out of embarrassment. Jeon Jungkook couldn’t take a fucking joke.

“O-oh,” he says shyly, avoiding your gaze. Why was he acting more like an idiot than usual? You hear the chiming bells of the university tower and stare at your phone to check the time.

“Don’t you have a class?” you ask him. His eyes widen and soon he was dashing off again. He turns around mid-run, jogging backward to face you.

“My number is 06-1313-9197,” he yells, loud enough for the other late students in the courtyard to hear. Most of them roll their eyes, knowing that Jungkook was flirting with another girl yet again. You’re embarrassed by the amount of attention he’s getting, but punch his number on your phone anyway.

“Text me,” he shouts. “I’ll always respond to you.”

Now it was your turn to be flustered.

—

"That’s wrong,” you say, reaching over to Jungkook’s notebook and marking a large ‘X’ on his paper. “You’re not supposed to apply that function for this problem...”

Jungkook stared at you with a tired face. He didn’t think he was too bad at the mathematical aspect of Microeconomics, but it seemed like it was your life’s mission to make him look like an idiot. Of course, you caught every mistake that he made- even the ones he made on purpose just to see if you were really paying attention to his work and not bamboozling him.

“My bad,” he mutters, copying down the same problem on a different sheet of paper. He didn’t even get a chance to make a move on you today- not like he could make any big developments in the campus library anyway.

“Is it like this?” he asks, tilting his notebook to face you. You take a hard look at it and nod.

“Yeah, just make sure you know the difference between these two formulas, or else you’ll mess up on the midterm,” you say thoughtfully.

This was your fourth or fifth tutoring session by now? Truth be told he wasn’t really counting. Each moment he spent with you kind of blended together and he didn’t quite know if that was a bad thing or not.

“You know you’re not even struggling,” you say, your nose buried deep in your textbook. “It’s not like you’re completely clueless like Jimin. It seems like you’re wasting money on stuff you already know.”

Jungkook laughs heartily, getting shushed by the people around him. He really was stupid, wasn’t he?

“Yeah, well, it was just an excuse to hang out with the pretty girl in class, you know?” he says as nonchalantly as he could. You stare at him for a second and he swears he feels his body freeze over. If looks could kill...

You just shook your head with a click of your tongue and got back to reading.

“The pretty girl in class is most definitely not me,” you grumble. “If you wanted, I could’ve given you Soobin’s number without all the added hassle of you trying to come talk to me-”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Jungkook stops you from saying anything else. He looked worriedly at your face. “I don’t even know who the hell Soobin is, why would I want her number?”

You look at him and finally, you chuckle. ‘She really does have a nice smile,’ Jungkook thought to himself. It would be nice if he could make you laugh more often and not just on rare occasions like this.

“You’re saying you don’t know Yoongi’s ex?” you tease slightly. You were finally letting your guard down with him and Jungkook smirked. One wall down, another million more to go.

“Bold of you to assume that I know any of Yoongi’s exes,” he says and you scoff. “He’s an asshole when it comes to dating.”

You roll your eyes.

“Isn’t that your whole friend group?”

He pouts. You knew of his reputation after all. Jungkook thought he could get away playing a nice boy act, but it didn't seem possible considering your knowledge of him. A little white lie couldn’t hurt in the end.

“Not me,” he replies. “I choose my relationships pretty carefully.”

You take a glance at him before jotting down a few more words in your notebook.

“Well,” you start off, a little shy to admit what you were about to say, “I guess we both have that in common.”

He tilts his head rather cutely out of confusion.

“What do you mean?”

You cough awkwardly, adjusting yourself on one of the library’s notoriously squeaky seats.

“I’ve never really had a boyfriend before,” you say quietly. His eyes bulge out from their sockets.

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not,” you say, a hint of amusement in your voice.

“Like, you’ve never been on a date or what?”

“I have,” you say hesitantly. “I’ve been on a few but they just never led into anything serious. I was pretty focused on studying in high school so there weren’t really any opportunities to get involved with someone. Plus, the guys who pursued me weren’t very... attractive.”

Jungkook laughs loudly again, much to the dismay of the other students in the library. He liked that you didn’t beat around the bush- it was easier to talk to you that way.

“And me?” he asks teasingly, laying his head on his arm that was atop the desk. He looks up at you with that boyish grin of his that gave you small butterflies in your stomach. You stare back at him, but only for a second. You ignore his watchful gaze and continue to flip through your textbook, trying to find the passage you last read. He keeps his eyes locked on you and you just couldn’t resist.

“What about you?” you ask, feigning ignorance.

“Am I attractive?” he replies as bluntly as he could. You stop your movements and he chuckles.

“You’re... cute,” you settle on that word. Cute. It was safe enough to not be misinterpreted too much. He sits up straight with a satisfied smirk. He takes his pen and draws a heart on the side of your notebook. He winks at you when you stare back at him, puzzled by his actions.

“You are too.”

—

“Tell me you’re lying,” Soobin whines disappointingly, shaking your shoulders. You were trying to eat lunch undisturbed in one of the campus cafes but your two friends seem hell-bent on making you suffer. “There’s no way you’re friends with Jungkook.”

You sigh, attempting to rid yourself of Soobin’s grasp but to no avail.

“He’s an asshole, [Y/N],” Gaeun sighs disappointingly. “I thought you were a feminist, why the fuck do you even tolerate him?”

You glare at her for a split second before going back to prying Soobin off you.

“Jungkook has no respect for women or himself. It shows in how many shitty friends he has,” Soobin chants, still clearly bitter that Yoongi dumped her.

You shake your head, rolling your shoulders back when she finally lets go of you.

“Jungkook’s not even as bad as you guys describe him,” you reply. “He’s actually been really sweet.”

The girls take a glance at each other and burst in a fit of laughter.

“You must be out of your damn mind,” Gaeun cries. You cower slightly at their words. It’s not like you said anything that controversial, did you?

Soobin slaps Gaeun on the shoulder when she realizes how your face had soured. It wasn’t right to judge you for your choice of friends so harshly, no matter how horrid said person was.

“As long as it doesn’t go past friends,” she says soothingly, but that only made you feel worse.

“Why?” you ask a little hesitantly. “Does Jungkook sleep around?”

Gaeun nods, a worrying glimpse in her eyes.

“He's not exactly the type to kiss and stay...”

You nod understandingly. You weren’t too clueless to believe Jungkook when he said he was “careful” on who he dated. As long as you knew the boundaries that came with being his tutor, everything should be fine... right?

“Don’t worry guys,” you say with determination. “I’m not the type to get played-”

“Of course you are!” Gaeun sighed. “Guys gravitate towards girls like you who lack experience. Jungkook’s a fucking weirdo, of course, he’s gonna try and-”

“[Y/N]!” a shout from across the cafe screams. That distracted you from the various insults Gaeun was spewing from her mouth. You get that she was being critical of Jungkook, but did she have to speak ill of you too?

You look around and catch Jungkook waving frantically at you. He stops at your table and takes a mere glance at your friends before setting his focus on you.

“Do you have time to help me out today? One of the papers for my writing class-”

“You tutor him in writing now, too?!” Soobin exclaimed, mouth agape. “[Y/N], what the fuck.”

You try to ignore your friend’s overreaction, a little disheartened when Jungkook looked hurt at their words. He had started to shy away from them as if he didn’t feel welcomed.

“Nevermind, I’ll just ask you later-”

“Actually,” you say standing up. “I’m free now.”

The two girls look back and forth between you and Jungkook, noticing the stars in your eyes when you looked at him. They did not like the thought of you two together at all.

“But [Y/N]-”

You ignored their words and start to walk away, hoping Jungkook would come catch up to you. You didn’t quite know why their insistence on him being a bad person had made your blood boil. It wasn’t like you weren’t aware of his flirtatious tendencies, but hearing from your friends that you shouldn’t pursue a guy that you liked-

You stopped in your tracks and feel heat climb up your face. Like.

No way you admitted that just now. There’s no possible way you actually like-

“Hey, wait up,” Jungkook pants, his hand touching your shoulder. “Why do you walk so fast for-”

He sees your shocked face and turns you towards him, his hands on your shoulder similar to how Soobin had shaken you just earlier. Except this time, it felt comforting. It made your whole body feel warm as if you were coated with a weighted blanket. Was he always this gorgeous?

“What’s wrong?” he asks, inspecting your face closely. “You look like you just saw a ghost.”

“N-nothing,” you swipe his hands away and rush out the door of the cafe. He smirks at how flustered you look, maybe he did have an effect on you after all.

Jungkook takes a last glimpse at the two girls who sat in their seats, staring at him disapprovingly. He raised an eyebrow at them and shoved his hands in the pocket of his jeans, following after you. ‘They’ll try to get in the way,’ Jungkook thought to himself, ‘but they’re already too late.’

The girls clenched their fist out of annoyance. He was definitely trying to get on their nerves.

“There’s something strange about what’s happening,” Gaeun mutters.

“They’re up to something,” Soobin agrees. “I don’t trust him at all.”

—

It’s been a week since you last spoke to your friends, not really wanting to read the messages they bombarded you with about how you should stay for away from Jungkook. It was hard to take any of their advice seriously when they were just badmouthing him without reason. They based all their opinions on him from rumors around the school and Soobin always felt the need to compare him to Yoongi even though they both had very different personalities. Well, at least to you they seemed very different.

Frankly, you were sick of their nagging and just turned off notifications from that group chat altogether. Instead of sitting next to them during Microeconomics, you opted to sit with Jungkook in the back of the lecture hall instead of at the front with them. Jungkook had abandoned his own rowdy friend group to sit with you and flashed them quick smirks and winks whenever they’d stare at him.

Slowly, Jungkook had started to become a constant in your day to day life. You walked to class with him, ate with him, played video games with him. It was sort of strange how used to you were of his presence, like you had known him your whole life. Jungkook snaps you out of your thoughts when he starts humming a little tune.

He draws a heart in the corner of your notes- which you find he has a habit of doing whenever he wanted to say something stupid.

“I don’t get what he’s saying,” he pouts cutely. “It’s like he’s speaking a foreign language.”

You shake your head, not paying him any mind.

“Well maybe if you actually paid attention,” you mutter softly. He scoots closer to you and you feel yourself stiffen.

“But you’re tutoring me later on anyway,” he says teasingly. “I get more bang for my buck if I know less.”

“Bang for my buck,” you scoff. “Who even says that anymore?”

He points at himself nonchalantly and you can’t help but crack a smile as you continue to focus on the professor’s words. You don’t even cower under his gaze like you usually do when he stares at you with those puppy dog eyes.

“What do you want?” you ask, finally caving when Professor Kwon adjusted something in his PowerPoint slides. He smiles.

“I want to hold your hand,” Jungkook replies and you could feel your palms clam up. His flirtatious comments increased as time passed and you didn’t really quite know whether he was just teasing you or if he was genuinely interested in you. You weren’t very good at taking a hint.

“I’m writing right now...” you reply, slightly skipping a beat in your note-taking. He really was the ultimate distraction, wasn’t he?

Jungkook pouts sadly, but you can tell an idea pops up in his mind when his eyes start to glimmer. He sits his hand on your thigh and you jolt back from the touch of his hand on the material of your jeans. He pulls away slightly, scared that he had made you uncomfortable.

“I just want to put my arm around you,” he asks innocently. “Are you okay with that?”

You calm yourself down and nod. For goodness sake, you weren’t a child- why did a hand on your thigh make you so nervous for?!

“Yeah,” you say, a little more confident despite your nerves. “Go ahead.”

He smiles softly at you and connects his hand to your waist, pulling you a little closer to him. It was comforting, not at all meant to be more than just a public display of affection. He finds himself getting lost in the lecture along with you, his hand playing with a loose thread on your shirt through it all. He didn’t even look at his friends who were teasing him on the other side of the class or your own friends shooting daggers into his being.

At that moment, it was you, him, and Professor Kwon giving out a lecture that had half of the students already asleep. He smiled at how diligently you worked and how your breath would quicken when Professor Kwon switched the slides without a warning. It was the little idiosyncrasies like this that caught his attention, the kind of things that made him wonder where you’d been all his life.

The smile on Jungkook’s face disappeared when he came to that realization.

Fuck.

—

Jungkook rolls around the grass while you sit on the picnic blanket you two had set up. Midterms were over and grades would soon be announced. He wanted a much-needed distraction from the monotony of constant studying and you had suggested a small picnic in a nearby park. Of course, he agreed.

“We’re free,” he groans. “Finally free.”

Jungkook stares hungrily at the assortment of food you had laid out for the two of you. He tries to reach a hand out to grab a bottle of lemonade but ultimately fails in the end. You giggle at his silliness, popping a grape in your mouth.

“You’re welcome by the way,” you say jokingly. “Don’t think you could’ve done it without me.”

He sits up to face you, bowing deeply as if you were a traditional empress.

“Thank you,” he says, imitating a Joseon accent. He was watching far too many historical dramas recently.

“You’re embarrassing me,” you say, attempting to straighten him out. “Sit up.”

He complies, only after a few pulls from you, with a toothy grin on his face.

“Seriously, I don’t think I could have gone through the first few weeks of Professor Kwon’s class without your notes,” he sighs, opening his mouth to signal that he wanted to be fed. You roll your eyes but placed a grape between his teeth anyway.

“You have hands, you should know how to use them,” you mumble shyly.

You move to take another grape for yourself, but he grabs your wrist before you could. He intertwines his fingers into yours.

“Why should I when my hands are holding yours~,” he says in a sing-song voice. It made you want to throw up at how cheesy he was, but you couldn’t help but laugh along as he cringed at his own words. When was it so normal for him to hold your hands like this?

“You can’t go one sentence without flirting, can you?” you sigh, feigning annoyance.

“Not when it comes to you,” he replies, but you could feel sincerity laced between his laughter. “I can’t resist flirting when it makes you all giggly like this.”

You purse your lips to prevent yourself from smiling too brightly. Jungkook and you were somewhat past the point of being just friends by now, but you were too much of a coward to label what you had with him. What if there was a chance that he was just leading you on?

Jungkook saw your furrowed brows. He rubbed circles on your hands with his thumbs to ease you.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asks softly, about to let go.

“No-” you say a little too quickly, clasping him closer to you. Your faces were inches apart now, much nearer than they were before.

“D-don’t,” you attempt to say but you’re tongue tangled as you looked at his lips. He certainly does have nice lips...

“Don’t what?” he asks in a lowly voice. You start to look around you- anywhere that wasn’t him. The park was relatively empty but it still felt embarrassing to say anything too loud.

“D-don’t let me go,” you say, your eyes on the picnic blanket rather than on him. His gaze was too intense to look at. Jungkook feels his heart clench. You were cute, too cute.

He shouldn’t be feeling this attached to you, but he couldn’t help it. Everything you did, every word that came out of your mouth- it had him wanting more from you than he could possibly handle. It was dangerous to feel this way.

“Why don’t you want me to let you go?” he asks nervously. He too was anxious for the answer. If you were to confess to Jungkook right now, he’d get the first part of the bet done, but there’d be no turning back after your confession. He would have to lie to you from now on.

Jungkook closed his eyes, chanting to himself that it’s okay to like you for a little while, just as long as he doesn’t get too attached in the end. He needed the money, he really did.

“Because,” you start off with a sigh, staring at him now with glossy eyes. “I like you.”

Jungkook feels like he could do ten backflips in one go and it wouldn’t even drain him of energy. The smile on his face was huge, his eyes curling into that half-moon shape that made you swoon.

Jungkook was relieved and if the boys asked, it was because he’d only have to date you for three months. He’d die before he’d admit to them that he caught feelings because Taehyung, as generous as he was with his bets, would never give Jungkook the money unless he cleanly broke up with you. It was one of his unspoken rules.

“I like you too.”

You smile at him and he can’t help but pull you close, his lips hovering over yours.

“Can I?”

You nod.

His lips graze yours slightly but he pushes a bit closer when he feels you lean into his touch. He kisses you again, and again, and again, but you pull away when his tongue had started to prod at your lips. Your face was flushed, embarrassed to be doing this in such a public place.

“Maybe later?” you say, panting slightly. He gives you a cheeky grin and nods.

“At my place?” he asks with a wink.

You hesitate, letting go of his arms, twiddling with your fingers. You wanted to set clear labels on what your relationship was. You didn't want to accidentally get caught up in a friends-with-benefits situation and be all shocked when Jungkook ends up breaking your heart.

“So we’re dating now, right?” you ask cautiously, looking at him with a worried glint in your eyes.

Jungkook’s mouth opens to speak but no words come out. He thinks a little harder about the whole situation... He was getting good grades, spending some quality time with a girl he’s clearly attracted to, and having his rent paid off all in one? He was killing three birds with one stone. It shouldn’t be too big of a problem to catch feelings for now, right? It’s not like any of his relationships lasted longer than a couple of months anyway.

He nods, cupping your face lightly.

“Yeah,” he hesitates. “We’re dating.”

Jungkook wasn’t aware, as he gives you another light peck, that it wasn’t possible to have his cake and eat it too.

—

It happens naturally. You coming in and out of his apartment that he shared with his friends, you tangling your legs with his underneath the sheets of his bed. It was hard to imagine a life where you didn’t wake up with him by your side. You were so wrapped up in his touch, so wrapped up in the sweet words he would whisper into your ears, that you spent most of your time with him.

You weren’t really up to date with your friends anymore and he didn’t really hang out with his either. Jungkook shared an apartment with Seokjin and Hoseok, and so the only contact he had with the other boys was when they visited those two. He should’ve known to take you back home when all the boys bombarded into his living room, where you sat with him watching TV.

“The lovebirds are at it again,” Taehyung coos, a mysterious glint in his eyes. “The honeymoon stage hasn’t passed quite yet, has it?”

Jungkook chucks one of the sofa’s throw pillows at his friend, obviously annoyed. What the fuck did Taehyung think he was doing?

“Quit it,” he mutters. You were sitting next to Jungkook, his arm around your shoulder protectively

“Why?” Yoongi yawns. “Anyone can see how incredibly in love you two are.”

You didn’t quite like the smirk he gave the two of you. This didn’t feel like regular teasing... it felt like he knew something that you weren't aware of. It made you curl your toes out of fear.

“Guys,” Jimin says calmly. “Stop it.”

The boys shrug their shoulders as if they said nothing wrong.

“We’re just pointing out how cute they are together,” Taehyung noted, “It’s not like we’re lying to her or anything-”

“Yeah, or leading her on or anything like that-”

“I think I should go,” you say hurriedly, uncomfortable at how tense the atmosphere was. Jungkook was clenching his fists, about ready to start a fight any second. Knowing his strength, you didn’t want anyone to walk around with a bruised eye because you couldn’t handle a few jokes- if that’s what Taehyung and Yoongi think they’re making. Harmless jokes.

“I’ll take you home,” Jungkook announces, standing up with you. Namjoon pulls him down back on the couch.

“Let someone else take her,” he says sternly. “We need to talk.”

Jungkook was about to protest until you spoke up.

“I can get home by myself just fine.”

“Hoseok and I can take you,” Seokjin insists, pulling the unassuming man up with him. “We don’t mind.”

Hoseok gives you a lopsided smile and you return an equally awkward one.

“Okay, that’s settled,” you say, clapping your hands. You walk over to Jungkook. “I’ll text you later okay?”

He nods, grabbing your hand and kissing it lightly. Yoongi scoffs and Taehyung glares at Jungkook. The dirty glances they were giving each other... You didn’t like it at all.

“Let me know when you get home, okay?”

“Okay.”

—

The walk to your apartment was unnecessarily awkward, Hoseok and Seokjin were talking too much and you talked too little. You tried to respond to their every quip, but you weren’t in the mood for chatting after that whole mess.

“You okay, [Y/N]?” Hoseok asks worriedly. “Don’t think too much about what those idiots said back there, they’re like that all the time.”

You nod, keeping your eyes on the ground. There was something chipping away at the back of your mind, something you wanted to get out of your chest.

“Would you say Jungkook and Yoongi act similarly?” you hesitate to say, “like with relationships?”

The two boys exchanged nervous glances at each other.

“Well, it depends,” Seokjin starts, choosing his words specifically. “What about relationships specifically?”

“Does he...,” you start off, not knowing the right phrase without sounding too harsh, “play around with girls? Like how Yoongi played around with Soobin?”

Hoseok looked at you with a raised brow.

“Who’s Soobin?” he asks before getting punched in the arm by Seokjin. “What the fuck bro!”

Seokjin clears his throat.

“What Hoseok meant to say,” he starts, glaring at his friend a little too harshly, “is that Yoongi never really introduces us to his girlfriends. You, on the other hand, are one of the few girls Jungkook actually took the time to invite over.”

“Yeah,” Hoseok chimes in. “He’s not exactly the most chivalrous, but he wouldn’t ghost someone like Yoongi did.”

Somehow their words weren’t enough to satisfy you. There was still something off in the conversation that transpired between the three boys- as if they were all keeping something from you. You stopped abruptly in front of your apartment complex, finally making eye-contact with the two boys.

“Do you think...” you start, a slight quiver in your voice, “that Jungkook is cheating on me?”

The two boys let out a deep breath that you didn’t even notice they were holding and laughed joyously together. They cackled as if what you said was the funniest thing they had ever heard in their life. Seokjin wipes a stray tear from his eye.

“Y-you think Jungkook’s cheating on you?!”

You nod, a little embarrassed at their reaction. Hoseok shakes his head, sighing out of his laughter.

“Trust me,” Hoseok starts, his breath evening out. “Jungkook would never cheat on you.”

You start to giggle along with them until a serious look suddenly takes over Seokjin’s features. He faces you fully.

“But listen [Y/N],” he starts. “If Jungkook hurts you, just know that he does love you. Like, undeniably. He does.”

“And we’re not just saying that as his friends either,” Hoseok continues. “We know how he’s like and we can tell that he really does like you.”

You smile at the two, feeling a small sense of comfort at their words.

“Thank you, guys. I mean it.”

They pat you on the back.

“Anything for Jungkook’s girlfriend.”

—

You walk through the campus cafeteria, eyes searching for a free table that you can sit alone in. Jungkook had Taekwondo practice so there would be no lovey-dovey feeding time with him.

He’s been a lot tenser since the living room incident (which was already a week ago) and it seemed like he got more agitated as the days passed. Not towards you directly, but he’d always mutter slight insults whenever Yoongi or Taehyung passed by. It made you worried that you had done something to possibly drive a wrench into their relationship without even knowing it.

‘Whatever,’ you thought, ‘I’ll talk about it with him when he comes over later.’

You aren’t able to find a seat, though, when you feel dainty fingers wrap around your elbow to pull you back lightly.

“[Y/N],” Gaeun says in a low voice. “We need to talk.”

It wasn’t like you had been ignoring them deliberately, though that was definitely the case at the start. You just couldn’t find the time to really hang out with them as much as you used to since you were with Jungkook most of the time. It was like that too when Gaeun and Soobin were in relationships, so you never really felt bad about doing it yourself.

“Yeah sure. I miss you guys,” you smile at her, but she doesn’t return it back.

“Come with me.”

Gaeun leads you to a table near the back of the room, where Soobin was sat up against the wall with her own tray of food. You sit down in front of her and Gaeun takes the seat next to Soobin.

“Good, you’re here,” Soobin says, apprehension laced in her voice. “We need to talk about Jungkook.”

You roll your eyes.

“Not this again-”

“[Y/N],” Gaeun warns. “Listen.”

You keep quiet, a little intimidated of how scary their expressions were.

“It’s all a bet,” Soobin says sternly.

You furrow your brows at her. She tends to speak vaguely when you needed her to be specific the most.

“What?”

“It’s a bet, [Y/N],” Gaeun repeats for her. “Jungkook’s only dating you because Taehyung said he’d pay his rent off if he did.”

You clench your fist on the table. How could they sit there and spew lies so easily?

“What are you guys-”

“Those dicks do this all the time,” Soobin rambles. “They play stupid games with girls just to fucking break their hearts later on and-”

“I don’t believe you,” you say confidently. “Jungkook would never do that to me. Besides-”

Gaeun didn’t even wait until you stopped talking to play a recording on her phone. The voices were familiar enough to recognize.

“So you’re telling me that Jungkook’s just fucking around with [Y/N] because he wants priority registration? You have to be fucking joking...”

You could tell from the sound of the person’s voice that it was Soobin. It sounded like she was putting on her clothes.

“Of course not. He’s doing it for priority registration and his rent getting paid for the rest of the year. I’m not joking when I say Tae goes big with his bets. He likes to flex his money on us like that.”

Your jaw drops at the sound of the man’s voice. It was Yoongi. You were sure of it.

“And you guys don’t feel bad? Like at all?”

“Why should we? Jungkook’s planning to break up with her next week anyway so she doesn’t catch feelings for too long. It’s not like they were gonna last past the three-month deal...”

Gaeun paused the recording when she sees you bite your lip so harshly that blood starts to surface. This didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel real.

“I hooked up with him last weekend,” Soobin admits, shame written all over her face. “He was spewing stuff about Jungkook spending all his time with you and not really hanging out with the boys like he used to.”

“You still hook up with Yoongi? After all he did to you?” you ask, not meaning to come off aggressive but undoubtedly did.

“Look,” Gauen starts, taking the heat off of Soobin. “She was just drunk and looking to have fun. I was with her that night and I was talking to Namjoon. He...”

Gaeun trailed off, but you were sick of it. Sick of being kept in the dark from something you should’ve known all along.

“What?”

“H-he told me that all the boys were getting tired of him playing around with you,” she says, twiddling with her fingers. “He’s supposed to break up with you today. Some of the guys think he’s just prolonging it to fuck with you and they’re getting really annoyed-”

You bite back the tears threatening to spill over any minute now.

“Hoseok and Seokjin told me to trust Jungkook. They said he wouldn’t hurt me-”

“Did they also tell you that their rent gets paid too if Jungkook pulled through with the bet?” Soobin replies angrily. “Because they live together, don’t they?”

You open your mouth but no sound comes out- just a small whimper. Your lips start to quiver and you bite your lip again to calm yourself down. When you had collected your thoughts, you glared up at the two girls.

“And you didn’t tell me this earlier?”

Soobin scoffed.

“You were fucking ignoring us too, how were we supposed to tell you?”

“Still it wouldn’t have killed you to-”

“Don’t take your anger out on us,” Gaeun warns, her finger pointing at you. “Jungkook is the one to blame. We told you from the start that he was bad news.”

You pursed your lips and Gaeun put her finger down, feeling guilty that she lashed out on you when obviously you were just processing the information.

“Hey, I’m sorry-”

“Why me?” you ask with teary eyes. “What did I even do to them to deserve this?”

They glance over at each other for a long while before Soobin breaks the silence. You had the right to know, but at the same time, they knew it would break you.

“It’s a sick game that they play where they just choose someone randomly...” Soobin starts off gently handing off the next few words to Gaeun, “and you were just the first girl to walk into Professor Kwon’s lecture hall. He thought you’d be...”

“Easy,” Soobin finished.

Just as they predicted, you had burst out in tears.

—

Jungkook opens the door to your apartment, using the spare key you had given him a month earlier since he tended to visit often. It was more convenient that way.

He was freshly out of his Taekwondo garb, still sweaty, but otherwise clean from taking a shower at the campus gym. He found it strange at how dark the room was, but he knew you were on the couch from the noticeable lump of a blanket on it.

All Jungkook wanted was to cuddle with you and fall asleep in your arms after such a harrowing day. Lord knows he needs your warmth right now.

He smiled as he made his way towards you, but stops in his tracks when you sit up from where you laid. He couldn’t quite see you in the darkness so he walked to the light switch to turn the lights on. His heart broke at the sight of you.

Tears stained your cheeks, your eyes red and puffy from all the crying. You looked a mess and his blood boiled at the thought of someone hurting you.

“What happened?” he asked, rushing over to you and cupping your face in his hands. You push him away.

“You don’t have to act anymore,” you say softly. “I can handle it.”

He looks at you with furrowed brows.

“What are you talking about-”

“I get that you really need the money,” you say through bated breaths, “I get that financially, it would have really helped, but did you really have to hurt me to do that?”

Jungkook’s breathing stopped. Everything was happening too quickly, his world crashing down when you uttered those words. He knew what this meant, knew that now you would see past his lies. Jungkook couldn’t have you finding out this way.

He kneeled in front of you, attempting to wipe away the tears from your eyes but you push him off.

“[Y/N] no-”

“It could’ve been anyone,” you whimper, trying to look up at the ceiling to prevent any more tears from falling down. “Anyone could’ve walked through that door and you would’ve been okay with it.”

“That’s not true-” he interjects but you stop him.

“A-and you flirted with me all the time ‘cause you knew that I wasn’t used to it,” you say, your voice quivering. “You took advantage of me.”

Jungkook shakes his head rapidly, eyes pleading for you to let him speak. It hurt seeing you refuse to even look at him, to have your eyes so filled with sadness because of what he did to you. He fucked up, he fucked up so bad.

“No, you have to listen-”

“They told me not to trust you,” you whimper somberly. “They told me and I didn’t believe them because I... I was delusional or something. I thought that someone like you could actually like someone like me-”

His heart broke. It wasn’t you that didn’t deserve him. It was him. All him.

“Please don’t say that-”

“Did you come here to seal the deal? To finally break up with me?” you ask sadly. “Are you happy you’ll get the classes you want next quarter, Jungkook?”

He clenches his teeth. Jungkook knows you’re mad, knows you have a right to be, but it feels like he’s being cornered by you. Why won’t you give him the chance to speak?

“[Y/N], no,” he says sternly, “You have to trust me when I say that it went past just a bet. I like you. Genuinely, I like you.”

There was no point in lying any longer. You deserved to know the truth, but he needed you to know all of it- not just the information your friends cherry-picked to fit their narrative. He tried to speak again, but you wouldn’t let him.

“How could you,” you whimper. “How could someone be so cruel?”

Jungkook’s heart breaks at the words. He should’ve seen this coming. How could he delude himself into thinking he’d be okay if you find out- that he’d be fine seeing you heartbroken? He was disgusted with himself.

“I’m sorry [Y/N],” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

You shake your head, your vision getting blurry from the tears. He clasps your hands in his, knowing that it used to soothe you whenever you felt worried over something, but you just wailed harder at his touch. He didn’t know what to do, he didn't even know where to start.

“Stop pretending like you care,” you cry. “Please. It hurts.”

“It was a bet,” he admits and he breaths through the words to prevent himself from getting too emotional, “but I promise that my feelings are genuine. You have to trust me.”

“Trust you?” you ask crudely.

You stare at him, slowing your breaths to ease the crying. There was a certain emptiness in your gaze and it scared him. It was awfully frightening having you looking at him with a certain animosity that was not there before. Like he was a stranger.

“I can’t do that anymore, Jungkook,” you say softly, “because I hate you.”

—

A/N: Gasp A double update?! Say it isn’t so... I had so much fun writing this!!! Probably one of my favorite fics I’ve written in a while because I love this trope. How do y’all feel about Jungkook? Forgive or forget? Let me know!! Thank you @altus-gens for requesting this story, I hope you like it :)

Please leave any comment, critiques, or just random thoughts about my story! I’m planning my murder mystery series rn and I’m so excited (I might... do an album giveaway along with it...) I really love the direction I’m taking this blog in and I hope you guys are excited for the stories to come~~

buy me a coffee?

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isagisyoichi · 3 years

Note

how do u think the boy would be in a party😈😈

NEW RULES!

SYNOPSIS: blue lock at a party

CHARACTERS INCLUDED: isagi, bachira, nagi, reo, rin, chigiri, naruhaya, niko, nanase, gagamaru, kunigami

WARNINGS: mentions of underage drinking and weed (but no one actually takes anything), swearing, mentions of throwing up and food, again pretend they're all friends and go to the same school because it's more fun to think that way. ooc rin maybe? idk i like pretending he's not as miserable as the manga makes him out to be 🤗 he deserves to have fun i think

A/N: no cause this was soooo fun to write tysm anon, i got through this in a flash cause i loved this suggestion sm :') literally one of the most fun requests i've ever gotten eeee!!!!! also this made me miss my irls bye corona can suck my balls fr

ISAGI YOICHI:

i feel like this would be his first big party aw lol, so he’s kind of nervous LMAO.

gets handed a beer by someone, has his first sip of it ever, and immediately spits it out. mutters “how the hell can anyone drink this?” and “discreetly” pours the rest into a bush.

mainly stays with nagi, chigiri, kunigami, and bachira and they just talk throughout the night

(bachira only sits down and talks after his energy dies down. i'll elaborate on this below the cut).

keeps asking nagi “what song is this?” throughout the night LOL. makes a mental note of what songs to add to his playlists.

slightly nods his head to the music, aw cute. goes a little harder and lip syncs/raps along when he really likes the song, though (i stand by my word when i said he loves “neon guts”)

does accidentally bump into someone, but isagi starts a convo with them after he apologizes, and they hit it off right away 🥰

but, the person left early and isagi, ever the dummy, forgets to ask for their number.

and he's actually so disappointed in himself when he realizes, too 😭

BACHIRA MEGURU:

not drunk or anything at all, but boy, the way he’s acting makes it seem like he is.

the self proclaimed “life of the party.”

can be found “dancing,” though i use that word generously because to classify whatever he’s doing as “dancing,” is a stretch, to every song, even if he doesn’t know the words LOL

really likes when throwbacks come on!!!! he does dance to the lyrics and not the beat sometimes, though 😭

but, bachira looks like he’s having so much fun, it’s so cute, he’s definitely been waiting for this moment his whole life 🥰

if you were dancing with him, bachira would 100% take you by the hand and spin you around

also forces gets isagi to dance with him but isagi’s so awkward 😭

bachira also ends up jumping in the pool sometime later that night. yells “cannonball!” and everything, like, okay michael phelps 😭

he doesn’t have extra clothes so reo has to give him some and they're so fucking big on him LOLLL

texts the groupchat “i was sooo crazy last night😂” in the morning LMAOO, okay babe calm down

KUNIGAMI RENSUKE:

takes it upon himself to make sure none of his friends die LOL

only drinks water and diet coke 👍

his mom calls in the middle of the party to ask how he's doing and bachira and nagi are doing stupid shit like yelling “pass the weed” and fake moaning 😭

isagi and chigiri tell him to tell her they say hi LOL

really likes when the dj puts on 90s/2000's r&b/hiphop songs (i'll die by my hc that kunigami's an oldies fan)

mostly sways side to side to the music, but he did also dance a little, per request of bachira, and ended up talking to a cute person a for little, too 🤗

offers to help clean up in the morning

CHIGIRI HYOUMA:

at least two drunk girls have mistaken him for their friend, and another four have asked to touch his hair.

tried to use one of reo’s many bathrooms, found a couple making out, outwardly said “gross,” and then left to find another one 😭

nods his head and taps his foot to the music, not much of a dancer.

also a people-watcher, and he points out things he sees are happening to his friends.

“guys, i think misa and her boyfriend are breaking up, look.” leave that poor girl alone bro 😭

finds himself laughing a lot that night because damn! his friends are funny, whether they try to be or not.

not really a party person, but chigiri actually had a lot of fun 🥰

NARUHAYA ASAHI:

also on the dancefloor! doesn’t really dance, per say, but he jumps up and down and does the fist pump thing 😭 he has the spirit, let's give him that.

drank a lot of soda, so he’s filled with energy. also pees in at least three of reo's bathrooms.

talks to his friends, but also makes new ones! also i feel like he takes a lot of pictures LOL. he needs the finsta content 😭

plays truth or dare, or something like that. ends up having to do some stupid shit like smack raichi’s ass and run away, but naruhaya did make out with the girl next to him, so fair trade, he thinks.

also ends up in the pool, but he’s playing chicken with gagamaru and some other people. does not win a single round, but he had fun 😇

leaves with like four plates of food and one of reo’s decorative towels for some reason???

GAGAMARU GIN:

goes through a bunch of reo's shit 😭 he's not taking anything, but he's just curious LOL

strikes up very, random conversations with a bunch of people out of nowhere, good for him!

weirdly good at darts, very good aim.

although one round, naruhaya accidentally distracted gagamaru and one of darts ended up in reo's wall 💔

“it's fine, he has the money to fix it,” naruhaya shrugs as he walks away from reo's now punctured, wall. so true bestie!

gagamaru somehow ends up giving some drunk stranger some “life-changing” advice. (whether it's good or not is debatable)

they thank gagamaru for changing their life and he never sees them again

NAGI SEISHIRO:

irritates the fuck out the dj because nagi keeps asking him to play one specific song over and over again.

it was good the first time, don't wear it out for the rest of us bae 😭

doesn't really dance, just nods his head, maybe raps along a little, too

when he talks to the girls that come up to him, nagi says stuff like “yeah, the host and i go way back, we’re best friends.”

“way back,” my ass, but whatever nagi 🤨

knocks out in one of reo’s guest rooms. someone finds him when they’re trying to look for the bathroom and they draw a mustache and a bunch of other stupid shit on him 😭

tries to leave before reo makes him help clean up in the morning. does not work 👍

dumbass also ended up losing his phone (reo bought him a new one so nagi doesn't really care)

RAICHI JINGO:

gasses himself up sooo much when he’s trying to hit on girls.

“yeah, i'm about to go D1 after high school, just wait on it,” yeah, okay raichi 🙄

also tries to show them his highlights, bye. babe, i mean this in the nicest possible way but, i do not care, can we just kiss 🙏

i feel like he’s one of those boys who likes to take his shirt off for no reason, so raichi most definitely ends up shirtless at some point of the night 😭

takes pictures with reo’s fancy cars in his garage to flex 💀 gets annoyed when reo says raichi can’t drive them. raichi doesn't even have his license 😑

plays pool and is actually not that bad. does almost accidentally blind isagi with his cue, though.

IMAMURA YUUDAI:

he's with some girls but, he’s a dummy and he didn’t know his other hoes would be there, so imamura had quite a few drinks spilled on him here and there.

still somehow leaves with like three new girls snaps, four numbers, and a bunch of lipstick stains. not even gonna lie, i respect his game.

actually a really good dancer, and he knows he looks good, too. knows the words to every drake song that comes on, argue with your mom.

lip-syncs the words to you when you dance together and it makes you more flustered than you would think 🙄

the type to pull you close and wraps his arms around your waist or around your neck

actually really fun to talk to. always in the loop with drama and stuff, so he's always got some interesting conversation topics. and he's funny 😭

MIKAGE REO:

obviously, the party’s at his house. what’s the point of having a rich teammate if you can’t exploit them for their possessions?

jokes, but reo did offer to throw it at his mansion house in the first place.

actually really likes throwing parties lmao, so he jumped at the opportunity.

posted on his snap, “party at my place su for address‼️” LOL

natural charm + raised with good manners = reo being an amazing host

but, reo does have a little group of girls following him around the entire night 👎

and it irritates the hell out of whoever reo’s trying to talk to because they’re all up on him, making it hard for reo to pay attention 😑

also doesn’t help that he entertains them and flirts back and dances with a couple of them, too

and looks good when he dances, too UGH!!!! he's the type to run his hands up and down your body while he dances with you 😣

i hate this man 👎 /j

ITOSHI RIN:

practicing. he didn’t come. sike! rin has a social life, too, come on now, y'all 🙄

talked a big game about how he wouldn’t show up then he still came anyways, like rin, what 😭??

super good at cup pong and he knows it. he keeps beating ryusei and if you look closely, rin has something reminiscent of a smirk on his face.

a foot-tapper, not a dancer, which sucks because he’s not even bad at dancing, either 👎

a couple of girls come up to rin to flirt, but rin doesn’t give them the time of day. no response or anything just a little side eye 😭

rin just talks to his friends and that’s it, really.

actually internally glad for the chance to kickback and relax for once, tbh.

but, he refuses to admit he had any semblance of fun. (he did, rin’s just a weenie 😒)

NIKO IKKI:

the team forced him to come 😭

niko’s already a homebody and he doesn’t like loud noises or large social scenes, so he wasn’t too jazzed about going somewhere where the both of those things combine.

also he's picky with music so LOL. does like that one remix to the pursuit of happiness, though

he’s a wall-stander, i hate to break it to y’all. just watched everything from a distance and didn't talk to anyone except for isagi and his friends.

bye, if you don’t get off the damn wall and dance (he'd dance with me i'm different 🥰🤗)

keeps opening and closing his phone so he looks busy but that mf is literally just going through the settings app 😭

called his mom to bring him home an hour and a half in 👎

NANASE NIJIROU:

i hate to admit it, but he’s the annoying first year that documents everything on snap bye

he’s just excited to be there but like, there is no reason for his story to be half an hour long.

i'm not watching all of that! sorry that happened to you or good for you 🤗

probably playing games like spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven. is very proud of himself for kissing four people in one night #bigmoves 🥳

stays with his group of friends and they're sooo loud and rowdy LMAOO. #firstyearthings

you can literally hear them laughing over the music, but they're having fun, so it's fine (at least of those kids hits people when they laugh too)

also dances, too! has super good energy and a natural sense of rhythm surprisingly 🥰 also a good hypeman!!!!! honestly, he's just really fun to be around tbh

overall, has a lot of fun, as you can tell by his story 😇

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