#like im not even judging people for believing that it just makes me sad for them and their experience of god i guess. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nattyluvs · 9 months

Text

things you love about bf!skz

pairing: boyfriend!skz x gn!reader

warnings: fluff, drabbles cursing(?), mentions of being a princess

wordcount: 1.3k

bang chan

out of the year or so you two have dated, you haven't failed to notice how observant chan is. even if its something very small thats different about you, he will always point it out.

"there's a bruise on the side of your thigh, what happened?" he would ask, concerningly.

even when you get new clothes, he notices. "are those pants new? they look good on you" he says with a grin on his face. you're starting to believe his brain has yo enter new data everytime theres something different about your appearance.

or the time where you had come back from hanging out with your friends, and the next morning he said "did you get a new piercing? your ear has an extra hole."

chan would point out. this specific scenario ended up with your reply, "channie, how did you even notice...? i took the piercing out already." which thoughtfully, he responded "what can i say, the longer i look at your the more i notice"

lee know

when someone says "dont judge a book by its cover" it definetly applies to people, especially lee know. before getting to know him, he was a completely different person. he cares more than you'd think, almost too much you'd feel like a burden.

like the one time you went out to a private club to celebrate a friend's birthday. you had gotten a little more than tipsy, accidently calling lee know to tell him "how much you miss your boyfriend" and "i need a hug from my boyfriend right now" which gave him the signal to drive his car out to pick you and your friends up, even letting them stay the night at your house.

everytime your mood even changes slightly, he gets worried. even if nothing had even happened to you. he always asks "are you okay love?" and makes sure to take over cooking for that night (and cook very well, mind you) he just wants to make sure you're always happy, because if you're sad, he's sad.

changbin

one thing about changbin is that he's always worried about you. especially for your safety. sometimes it gets a little out of hand, he freaked out when you tripped while you were walking after your date.

you were wearing a new pair of shoes you hadn't gotten used to.

of course, you hadn't fallen to the ground. you kept your balance before you could fall. although, with his quick reflexes he grabbed your waist to pull you back up. (even though you werent going to fall)

changbin being the person he is, proceeded to say, "i know we just went on a date, but dont hurt yourself falling for me sweetheart." you lightly shoved him, annoyed at the cheesy line and embarassed at the petname. to make sure you didnt hurt yourself again, he kept one of his hands on your back, as if he was guiding the way.

hyunjin

no matter how many people are in a room, hyunjin is always looking at you. you first noticed this a little after you had first met. your roomate had invited jisung over, which led to hyunjin coming too. you were all having a conversation at the dinner table, but the only thing you could focus on was the way

hyunjin was looking at you so intensely.

later when you two had eventually starting dating, you had come to discover that was his "im interested in this thing infront of me" face. like how he stared at paintings in an art gallery he found interesting, he stared at you in the same amazement.

another time was after you decided to become a trainee. you and 7 other nee friends were going to perform a cover of one of stray kids' songs. this was a few years after they debuted, and since you two began dating before his debut, obviously he was thrilled when you were on stage covering his song. you could see him in the vip area, embarassingly blowing kisses and hearts at you. he had on a "disguise" but you could tell it was him from a mile away.

han jisung

jisung is overly thoughtful. he likes to express his love for you through words, and tries to do it regularly, as if you're going to forget he loves you. one of the ways he expresses this undying love for you is through sticky notes. specifically, he bought different colors for everyday of the week.

for the days you came back from work late, he left a note on the kitchen counter, usually resulting in seeing him asleep on the couch with the tv playing. you felt bad he tried to stay awake in order to see you when you got home, but his effort was appreciated. the notes usually consisted or something like, "y/n! i hope you had a good day at work, even if you didnt i'm still proud of you. theres food in the fridge for you! - love hannie"

the other way he expressed his love for you was through his music. you went to the studio to suprise him one time, and overheard on a conversation including chan and changbin. they were complaining about how all of the songs han wrote were love songs. you could tell they appreciated it, but an entire album can't be love songs. it was even more embarassing for han when you had accidently heard one of his unreleased songs, a sweet love song, lyrics flowing perfectly with his voice.

felix

one habit felix will never get out of is touching. even before you dated, you could tell he was a skinship person. no matter what, he feels the need to touch you at all times. whether its a hug, holding hands, or even touching your fingers. you don't mind of course. you think its sweet.

he even admitted that theres this feeling of uneasy-ness when he isn't near you. even if you are near eachother, he has the urge to do something in order to be touching you, like a sense of overprotecting.

even doing simple things, like while making dinner, he has to be hugging you from the back. or while you're cutting up some vegatables, he feels the need to guide your hand while you cut, as if it was the first time you picked up a knife. whenever you walk side by side, hands are always entertwined. sitting down at the dinner table? his hand is on your thigh, or ontop of your hand.

seungmin

seungmin thinks about you alot, even if he doesnt admit it to your face. something you've realized is how much attention he pays when you speak, always remembering small things you tell him.

like the time you were on lunch break at work, scrolling through whatever social media app, you sent him a desert recipe you wanted to try sometime. a day or so later, you got home and he had followed tbe recipe in order to make it, even if it wasn't perfect. he wants to make you happy and keep it that way.

or how when he asked to be your boyfriend, he got you and him matching necklaces. because beforehand you had told him about your friend and their boyfriend, and how they got matching bracelets and they were so cure. saying how "you'd love to have a matching item with someone"

jeongin

he loves spoiling you, no matter how much you refuse and try to repay him. he always says "your happiness and love is the only payment i need" with a smile on his face. he was so sweet, but you wanted to make sure he was happy too sometimes.

if you see something through the window of a store you like? hes already at the counter getting ready to pay. It would take 3 hands to count the amount of times he had to fight for the bill, not wanting to make you pay for it. you felt bad not paying for your portion of the meal, no matter how much he reassured you.

he makes sure to give you princess treatment if you're feeling even the slightest bit down. when you had a bad day at work, he immediately out everything else he was supposed to do aside, and planned a relaxing spa evening at home for you. together, you did skincare, massages, and he even let you paint his nails.

likes and reblogs are appreciated!

taglist form

a/n: sorry a few of them are longer than the other ones, thinking of writing a fic based off of one of these tbh...also yes i am stalling for my smau rn u caught me

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faiirybread · 16 days

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the bottom ; liam lawson #40

childhood friends are hard to break off. but when she’s dragging his name through the mud he might have to put his foot down.

inspired by the bottom by gracie abrams

tw!! major alcoholism, you’re an asshole for a good 2/3rds of this

part of the shriveled roses series

yourusername just posted!

night out with the girls got a lil too crazy

liked by liamlawson30, landonorris, and others

user01: oh so they were DRINKING drinking

user02: they’re actually so iconic for that

user03: nothin iconic about alcoholism babes

liamlawson30: i see that promo

yourusername: u know it 🤭🤭

user04: shes just a party girl in a boring world!

yourusername: u know me so well love

user05: it’s so weird how she has alcohol in every post.. just promoting alcoholism at this point

yourusername: girl gtfo, just because i like to drink doesn’t mean im an alcoholic. you know jackshit about me, stop acting like you do, you crusty bitch

user05: i say something about worrying about you and your automatic response is to call me a bitch? reall mature

yourusername: i dont need you to worry about me. im an adult, i can do whatever the hell i want.

user05: well when your posting your life on social media your gonna get judged

yourusername: it’s a post about me going out and partying. i'm an adult who likes to drink. there’s gonna be fucking alcohol you dumb twat.

user06: damn her whole attitude is just bad huh

user07: gonna talk about making out with lando soon?

f1gossip just posted!

BREAKING: LANDO NORRIS AND YN YLN SEEN MAKING OUT AND LEAVING PARTY IN MONACO TOGETHER

user01: liam seeing this like 😧😧

user02: who is she?

user03: liam lawson (redbull reserve driver)‘s childhood best friend. she’s known for partying a lot but lately it s gotten a lot worse 😬

user04: wasn’t she running her mouth about lando a few weeks ago??

user05: wait what spill

user04: a fan came up to her a few weeks ago and asked what she thought of some of the other drivers like lando, and she said he was a shit driver and should retire so liam gets a seat

user05: whattt that's so messed up. Who does she think she is??

You woke up with a headache, wrapped in sheets to your phone going off with a call. With a groan you grabbed your phone and answered it without looking at who it was. “What do you want?” you slurred, and was answered with Liam yelling at you.

“What the fuck is this?? You made out with Lando after saying some shit about him to a fan??”

You groaned, rolling over in bed to find your latest hookup gone. “Liam, it doesn’t matter. I’m fine, ok?”

“That’s not the point! You can’t just say whatever the fuck you want to people who are recording you, and you especially can’t bring me into it!” he ranted, and you could hear him pacing in his house. “Honestly, saying Lando should retire so I get a seat? Are you crazy??”

You sat up, rubbing your head. Hangovers were the worst thing in the world. “God, Liam, just loosen up! It’ll all blow over, ok? Don’t worry. I’ll lay low for a while, stop posting and shit, and they’ll forget about me.”

He answered immediately at that, quick to shoot it down. “No, no! You can’t just sweep it under the rug! This isn’t the first time you’ve done this, and it’s fucking with my career. Helmut’s talked to me about you, and about how you’re screwing up my chances for the Redbull seat.”

“Helmut’s a prick.”

“Maybe, but he’s right!”

“What the hell?!” You couldn’t believe what he was saying! Of all the times to call, the morning after you get shitfaced? You hadn’t even done anything bad. Yeah, you drank a lot. Who cares? You’re an adult, doing adult things.

“It’s the truth! You always get wasted, say some shit to media, and make me look like a fucking jerk! I'm tired of it, ok? It’s like you’re on a mission to fuck up my life! But I can never get mad at you because I’ve known you for forever and my whole family knows you and your whole family knows me and they’d crucify me if I ever made you sad or shit. Because you’re a spoiled brat!”

You sat there shocked at the outburst, opening your mouth to respond but he wasn’t done. A spoiled brat? Since when?!

“Ever since we were kids you’ve had someone like your brother, or your dad, or me to fix everything that you’ve broken. And it’s tiring! I’m not your nanny!”

You stood up at this, frustration turned up to the max. “I’m not asking you to be! I’ve never asked you to do that for me!”

“It’s not about you asking, it’s about you fucking my shit up and leaving it. It's like when you broke that vase at my parents house and didn’t say anything! I had to clean it up. I always have to clean it up. On Thursday I'll probably be asked about your behavior and have to make some answer to clear your name and make me look like I'm not a total prick.”

He stopped, and you could hear him breathing heavily. Shocked, you just gaped at the phone before saying calmly, “You could’ve told me this. Anytime before this you could’ve told me to shut up, to calm down, to do anything.”

“Oh, my, god. Are you fucking stupid?! Did you listen to anything I said?! I shouldn’t have to tell you not to talk to media! I shouldn’t have to tell you not to make out with my competitors! You’re an adult, so fucking act like one! Think a little!”

With that, he disconnected the call, leaving you bewildered, in an empty bed with an aching headache.

yourusername just posted!

mornin after

Liked by landonorris4, user6, and others

user01: girl.. we need a response

user02: no liam like 😮

user03: he probs got tired of her running his name

user04: soo what were you saying about lando being shit??

user05: i am SO here for the yn slander yall dont know how long ive been waiting for this

It was a few hours after the call, when you had taken a shower, had a meal, and worked off your hangover when you decided to call Liam. I mean, if he could yell at you like that then you can too, right? Honestly, him bringing up stuff from your childhood was so uncalled for. That was in the past, so leave it there!

You sat down at your kitchen table with your phone, took a deep breath, and pressed the call button on his contact. It rang once, twice, a third time, then went to his voicemail.

An automated message began playing, and you pressed the button to hang up. What a jerk! You tried to call him again, and again, and again, but each time it went to his voicemail. You got dressed and went outside, deciding to take a walk around town outside.

It had been a few hours before you had decided to call him again, this time with a notepad of all the points you were going to make to prove him wrong. Tapping a pen against the pad, you pressed the call button on your phone, then the speaker button. It rang once, twice, a third time, then went to voicemail. You hung up and tried again. Again, and again, and again until you got a different answer. Your head laying down on your arm, you reached out and tapped the call button again, and it rang once, then went to voicemail.

You sat up. One ring? Did he seriously block you? You tried it again, hoping it was just an error. One ring, then voicemail, over and over and over. What an ass!

yourusername just posted

don’t need your bs

liked by user1, user2, and others

user1 ‘don’t need your bs’ and it’s friends being concerned about her

user2 oh.. another party

user3 is it just me that’s genuinely concerned?

user4 nono me too, liam and lando both stopped liking and she seems like she’s just drinking away

user5 and the answers from liam during the press conference,, like somethings wrong..

liammm🏎️

hey, are you alright?

this isn’t me forgiving you for anything im just worried about you

party animal 🎉

fuskkc off

liammm🏎️

are you at a party rn?

party animal 🎉

art s parlk

jus me amd a borttle

liammm🏎️

love cmon

you can’t keep doing this

party animal 🎉

i kmow

but idk

yiu should get bscl to work

liammm🏎️

send your location please

party animal🎉

you werr rifht

i’ve been using you

im sirry liam

liammm🏎️

love please just send me your location

i want to make sure you get home safe

we can talk more in the morning

party animal 🎉

im sorry liam

*location*

You were sitting on a bench, a bottle of korean soju next to you. It was halfway drained, but when Liam texted you it reminded you of everything that had happened and you couldn’t bear to drink more. Staring out at the playground, bright colors muted in the dark light of the moon, just thinking. About your life, your choices, your family. About Liam. It really wasn’t his fault, everything that happened. He had been right. You did use him as a nanny, badmouthing coworkers and dragging his name through the mud. Even now, he was picking you up in the dead of night because you chose to go out and get drunk by yourself. It wasn’t like there was anyone who wanted to drink with you anymore.

You turned around when you heard your name called, to see Liam jogging over to you. “Are you alright?”

You nodded glumly, looking up at him with tears in your eyes. How could you do this to him? He looked tired, and disappointed. You’d seen that look in your other friends, but in Liam it hurt so much more.

“C’mon, let’s get you home,” he said, reaching for your arms and gently pulling you up. “I’m sorry Liam,” you said, looking at him, slightly dazed. Why were you doing this drunk? Why couldn’t you do this sober? A pit of guilt grew and grew in your stomach as he ignored what you said, grabbing the bottle and beginning to walk you to the car. Of course he ignored it. This wasn’t the first time you said this. But this was the first time you meant it. Or had drunk you said that before? You stopped.

“Liam, I’m serious.”

He sighed and looked back at you. “I know.” Somehow that made it 10 times worse, and with a wobbly lip, you asked, “Have I said that before?” He nodded, then started walking with you again. “Let’s talk more in the morning.” It struck a cord, how quickly he shut it down. All of this had happened before. How did you not remember? How much of your life had you given to alcohol?

Liam helped you into the passenger seat, and started to help you buckle up, but you stopped him. You wanted to prove that tonight was different. “I got it,” you said quietly. He nodded and walked around to the driver’s side, driving you back to your apartment. The whole time, you were racking your brain for other times like this, just a little bit that you could remember. It hurt your head, and when you came up empty the pit in your stomach deepened.

“How many times have I done this?” you asked quietly as he pulled into the parking garage. He took a second to answer, and said, “I lost count.”

Fuck.

He parked and you got out on your own, stumbling a bit but refusing his help to the elevator and up to your apartment. Was this new? Was he impressed, did he see a change? Or were you thinking like this every night he came to pick you up? You unlocked the door and let the two of you in to the front room that had bottles and trash scattered everywhere, but Liam stopped in the doorway. You turned to look at him.

“I’ll come back in the morning with some food, we can talk then. Are you alright?”

You nodded, and he nodded, then he closed the door behind him as he left. You began cleaning yourself up, washing your face and taking a shower, then cleaning your apartment. It felt like you had been floating in the apartment, not really paying attention to it. You cleaned through the night, not wanting Liam to see the apartment like this when he came back. You had brewed yourself a strong coffee by the time he knocked on your door, and you took your time answering, scanning the whole apartment to make sure it was clean. It was, so you opened the door.

Liam was standing there with takeout from a nearby bakery. He already looked tired. Did he get any sleep last night? Could he see that you didn’t? You have a small smile and stepped aside to let him in. As he scanned the apartment, you took the food and began plating it. Leading him to the kitchen island to eat, he started talking.

“Do you remember last night?”

“Yes.” He didn’t seem convinced.

“I was at the park drinking. You came and picked me up, I asked you how many times you had to do that, you couldn’t remember and wanted to talk about things today. You dropped me off here and said you’d be back in the morning with breakfast so we could talk. Now it’s morning.”

Surprise flashed behind his eyes for a second, but just as quick he steeled himself.

“Did I remember it before?” you asked, looking down at your plate.

“No.”

Just one word told you everything. You had gone too far too many times. “You don’t have to do this Liam. I don’t want to drag you back to me like this.”

He didn’t speak, just ate his breakfast. It was sausage and eggs, with a side of fruit. Yours was a chocolate croissant with some strawberries. You couldn’t eat it.

“Do you want any of mine?” he asked, not looking at you. It was as if he was reading off a script. You shook your head. He sighed, put down his fork, and leaned back.

“You seem more aware this time. Did you not drink as much?” You shrugged. This whole thing felt awkward, like he was your dad after a bad night out when you broke curfew. Except that’s exactly what this was, except he was your friend.

“You were right when you called me. I’ve been using you.” “Was that why you were drinking?”

You shrugged again. You both knew it was a yes, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it.

“You want to get better? Throw out your alcohol. Go to every bar and club around here and tell them to deny you entry no matter what. Stop going for drinks with your coworkers. I’d even consider rehab. You’re addicted, ok? I want you to get better.”

He was looking at you now, but you couldn’t meet his eyes. You just kept staring at the croissant. He sighed, and reached for your plate to switch your meals, but you stopped him.

“Can you come with me?” your voice was stupidly shaky, and you cursed yourself for it. “I’ll do all the talking, I just want to make sure I get all of them” He nodded. “Eat first. Did you sleep at all last night?”

You hated how you felt like a little kid, shaking your head before picking up the croissant and taking a bite. “Once we finish that, can we talk more about this? I just feel like I woke up to everything I’ve done, you know?”

“Sure.” it was a short, curt response that you knew you’d just have to accept.

A few minutes later, you finished the croissant and coffee and went to your room to change. You put on a simple outfit that would still make you look out together, but didn’t bother with makeup. Hopefully this would be over fast.

You and Liam set out around town, first going to your favorite club, The Eclipse. As you walked up, you felt your hands getting sweaty, and clenched and unclenched them until you felt Liam slip his hand in yours and give it a gentle squeeze. “You got this. It’s the first step that’s always the hardest.” You nodded, and walked up to the bouncer. After explaining to him your situation and how you were trying to quit drinking, he agreed to turn you away and call a cab for you if you turned up at the club. After thanking him profusely, you and Liam went on to the next club. And the next. And the next. It was not a short experience as you had hoped, it was long and embarrassing and tiring. Eventually you reached the last bar and confirmed with the owner that you wanted to be on the no-serve list, then turned to Liam.

He was smiling at you. It was a soft smile, but still there. You could see the pride in his eyes as he held out a hand to you, and you gladly took it, a small smile on your face too. “You did good. I’m proud of you.” He said, walking back to your apartment. “Thank you. I’m sorry it took me so long, and I'm sorry I didn’t listen to you before. I just feel so stupid for letting myself get to this point. And I feel so bad for hurting you and your career.”

“This is where you show it. Ok?” He said, shaking your intertwined hands and looking at you. “This is you showing me that you’re serious about everything you’re saying. Now you just need to stick with it and prove that you’re serious.”

You nodded, meeting his eyes with a watery smile. “I won’t hook up with Lando Norris again.”

He rolled his eyes, letting go of your hand jokingly. “Too soon, man. Too soon. Ugh. I got so many calls from Christian that day.”

“I’m sorry, truly. And I was such an ass when I answered you. And when I was like, trying to call you back. God, I just fucked up for the past 6 months. And I can’t even remember it at all! I just lost so much of my life.”

“But you’re pulling yourself out. And that means a lot to me. I’ve tried to get you to do this before, you know? You always dragged your feet and stuff.”

“Really?” You asked, looking at him with wide eyes. “See, this is what I’m talking about! I have zero recollection of that!”

He chuckled, and swung your arms as you walked. “This is a new chapter for you. I believe in you.”

FIN.

authors note.. bam! done! thank god, im so sorry this took so long.. i do have another still in the works that hopefully wont take as long but yeahh this series is gonna take forever.

#liam lawson #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #liam lawson x reader #liam lawson x y/n #liam lawson x you #rbr x reader

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artsyunderstudy · 18 days

Text

An ask game for writers to procrastinate working on your WIP(s)

Thanks for tagging me @cutestkilla @ivelovedhimthroughworse @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @valeffelees @emeryhall @monbons @thewholelemon @whatevertheweather @aristocratic-otter @bookish-bogwitch @orange-peony @shrekgogurt @wellbelesbian @theearlgreymage @ic3-que3n - I definitely shouldn't be procrastinating writing because I'm overdue but I'm a sucker for a good Q&A.

1. 🦈Tell us the name of your/ one of your WIP(s):

I technically have a handful of WIPs I haven't given up on posting but I'm not actively working on. Après la Pluie, le Beau Temps is the one I'm actively working on. I'm in the planning stages with All the Lonely People which is a fic I'm planning to cowrite with @cutestkilla my beloved. Then I have Sober, Water Grey, Close Your Eyes, and A Mild Case of Madness (yes I haven't given up on AMCOM I was actually thinking I'd try and finish it up after I'm done posting Après)

I don't actually work on more than one fic at a time but I also had like a flood of ideas once I was done writing Someone Wicked and that's why the pile of WIPs. Also I was trying to do discovery writing and realized that I hate it.

2. 🍄Describe your WIP/one of your WIP(s) in the format of “___ + ___ =___”

Why is this so hard???

Okay. Um.

Roommates who (pretend to) hate each other + alcohol induced vulnerability = publicly getting off with each other on a stranger's couch in the middle of a rager, probably to the dulcet sounds of goosebumps by travis scott.

3. 🌍What tags or warnings will one of your WIP(s) need if you intend to share it?

Amazingly my current WIP doesn't really require much bracing. But I am still intending very much to complete Sober (working title) which I talked a lot about last year. That would come with warnings for grief, alcohol and sexual assault. Which makes it sound so much worse than it is, but then again I always think that my writing isnt actually that sad but then i have people telling me i ripped their heart out of their chest and chewed on it so im not a good judge of that. i will say it definitely has more jokes than my usual fare.

4. 🧭An alternative title to one of your WIP(s)?

I am very decisive when it comes to titles, so I genuinely cant think of anything. I guess Sober, because I'm not sure that's the right title for the fic because it's not about addiction. It's about drunken hookups (and like, definitely some alcohol as a coping mechanism but like, mostly just uni students partying and going too hard as they are wont to do) so I was thinking of making it longer like "Kiss Me When You're Sober" but I dunno. It's not even close to done so I don't have to decide yet.

5. ⚠️Which WIP you're most likely to finish or update next?

Après la Pluie, le Beau Temps is the fic I'm actively working on and I'm going to post this guy next come hell or high water. It's just taking me a while, I'm a bit burnt out. But things they will come.

6. 💾What is your document of your WIP/ a WIP called? (not the stories actual title but what you’ve saved it as)

All my documents are the fic titles so nothing really fun there.

7. 🖍Post Any sentence(s) from your WIP.

“If you’re going to do this, do you actually trust him? After everything he’s done to you. Everything you’ve done to each other.” I sigh. “I don’t know.” All the things I’ve always believed I hated about him feel different now, filtered through a new lens. His relentlessness, his sharp edges, his poise. The way he moves across the pitch, and plays his violin, sweet-toned and sorrowful. The singe of his magick. “I just … see him,” I say quietly. “And I know I want him. The way I’m supposed to.”

8. ♻️A scrapped idea for your current WIP.

I don't know, I don't think I've scrapped any ideas for this WIP yet? Actually, I think earlier on in the planning I had wanted to have Niall and Dev being absolutely gross with their PDA through the whole thing, but I ended up writing a completely different side-story for them that's genuinely a ton better. Basically, they were a gag, and now they have an actual arc.

9. 🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

Gonna mirror Dre here, we have been planning a fic to cowrite but we both have other fanfic obligations to fulfill first, so it's a little bit on the backburner until we are both freed up. Again, to parrot her, it's a canonverse AU based on a movie we both adore, older (late 30's) strangers to lovers, a ghost story but in a cathartic way, not a scary way, developing relationship. We have a shared trello and I can't help but daydream about it. I am so very very eager to start working on it in earnest.

10. 🤡How many WIPS are you actively working on?

One, actively. Two if you count the fic with Dre which we occasionally can't help but get into long discussions about.

11. 🛠Is there a scene or anything in the WIP you are struggling with right now?

I am currently writing a genre I've never written before which has just been a little daunting. As well as this first chapter has zero simon or baz, probably, and THAT is hard too. But it has to be that way. For the setup. It just means I'm having to learn how to write a lot of side characters in a way I haven't done before, like Niamh and Niall (since i have a bit of experience with agatha and dev)

12. ❤️Not a question, just a second Kudos to send.

Everyone deserves so many many kudos.

Tags! @hushed-chorus @run-for-chamo-miles @j-nipper-95 @noblecorgi @facewithoutheart and @stitchyqueer <3

#tag game #artsyfic

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prettyboykatsuki · 3 months

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would you be comfortable sharing your bg3 ocs with us? i LOVE hearing and seeing other peoples ocs so much it inspires me to make them too

u always write reader personalities so amazing so ik ur ocs are just as good <3

WAH. YES. THANK U FOR ASKING. a lot of my ocs start out as fun self-inserts and then become... Something else. for bg3 in particular i normally play as my insert so they have the same face HEKJSDKJ. but they are ocs and they look diff in my brain i just dont care to change the face

oh my good GOD this is so long im so sorry. i guess this is my intro post for them now.thank u for asking me.. i love you... humbly presenting my little guys

CW FOR IMPLICATIONS OF INCEST (?) sort of in nyx's story. its complicated!! other than that just canon typical angst + drug use.

i have two main charas i consider more oc than insert. THE FIRST ONE IS MY BELOVED DARLING GIRLTHING SOULIKHA

goes by soul in camp, mid/late twenties, she/they pronoun haver, true neutral alignment, istj + 5w4

motifs ; black oleander, darkness and shadow, bones but not blood / decay, teals and purples and blues.

close with marisol, lae'zel and wyll. thinks astarion is a little sad and gets annoyed at mystra trying to demand death of gale.

she is a cleric of kelemvor and sacrificial survivor of a myrkul death cult. she escaped nearly dying at the age of 7 bc kelemvor saved her from near death.

she is not from baldurs gate!! she is from the outskirts of omorath but after escaping she lives on the streets.

the second time kelemvor comes to get her (nearly died in an alley) she becomes a cleric and returns to the city. joins the tower of skulls in omorath and does most of her work taking care of the diseased and guiding people in the fugue plane.

a Doomguide and part of a doom clergy.

she is originally darker skinned / tan but turns grey using her powers. when she blushes she becomes her original color lol

she ends up closer to baldurs gate on pilgrimage. she meets marisol (lambs oc) her best friend there.

she is a cleric of kelemvor, the god or judge of death. she tends to wear like a plague doctor sort of uniform and is very attached to a necklace she has that she prays over!! in general she prefers to be covered because she normally is response for helping the diseased as well as the deceased.

always wearing gloves for the same reason ^ special gloves that she has with her even after the kidnapping on the ship.

her personality is very blunt 😭and straightforward but never mean. she is just super direct and a little clueless about social cues... VERY HONEST LOL.

her main story arc is around her parents! like i mentioned she is a cleric of kelemvor but she spent her childhood in a death cult. in act one she hears rumor of a tiefling couple who worshipped myrkul being seen kidnapped on the towers to moonrise. in act two, her major scene, you have the choice on whether or not to kill or rescue her parents.

soulikha as a character puts her duty as a cleric above all else, even herself. she never expresses her feelings, never complains, just does as she believes is of expected to her. it gives her identity. up until this point, it's very rare to see her break down. this is the first scene where she makes a decision for herself

she also believes part of her job is assuring the people suffering die with the dignity and honor they deserve. part of this is because of her upbringing.

she also believes admantly in people dying when they are supposed to. as a cleric of kelemvor with particular favor of her god, she can hear whispers and regrets of death. the shadowfell lands are hard on her.

her main romance partner is karlach

her main romance with karlach has to do with touch and intimacy.

soulikha normally has her face covered and her body so if she were an origin and romance companion chara they'd be surrounding them but in her story she is dating karlach

karlach is soulikhas first love. they are tragic to me. soulikha is constantly telling karlach it's not her time and they often talk about death. she has a line to karlach:

"i will be there. when your soul burns brightest in the fugue plane, i will lead you. till the end of your life and in mine. my hand will find you. you will know its me."

she is shorter than karlach a bit. their whole romance is soulikha saying over and over that she knows karlach is bound to die, and comforting her through that.

but after the actual end of the game, soulikha cries for the very first time and begs karlach to live. it's the first time she ever says the words "i want you to live.) very heartbreaking

their ending is opening. ultimately soulikha wants to stay with karlach. they promise each other to live. the ending varies depending on other stuff but YEAH.

her bad ending is letting herself become myrkuls new chosen so karlach can have her heart back. fucking AWFUL ending gkdjsd theyre so sad.

OKAY. NEXT. IS MY OC NYX SORRY ABOUT THIS MOUTAIN OF TEXT.

this is nyx! no last name, he/him pronouns preferred, any fine. neutral evil allignment, late twenties. entp + 7w8

close with astarion + minthara. fond of jaehira. thinks wyll is fun and likes karlach. neutral to shadowheart and halsin.

nyx is not from baldurs gate either, explicitly from the city of calimshan, in manshaka. son of a common whore, born in a pleasure house.

tiefling with the blood graz'zt. this is relevant later. fdkjsdk.

learns music from the musicians in the pleasure house. naturally gifted. starts composing his own music at ten when one of this mothers regular customers gifts him a cli' lyre, enchanted with magic

has a complicated relationship with his mother. his mother is a prostitute but also very addicted to drugs. she wasn't motherly and often made advances on him when he grew up into puberty. his only family. when she was coming down the high, he would play her music to fall asleep.

practiced a lot on his own, other musicians taught him other instruments. very talented. most of his music and songs were about his one true love, roxana

roxana was another child of the house. they grew up together. she wasn't particularly talented but she was soft, kind, and beautiful. they both knew she would end up staying in the house, but nyx did try to protect her from customers when they were both underage.

roxana is full blooded human. she has a tattoo of roses down her spine that nyx dedicated one of his songs too and got matching trellis tattoos for. his most popular song.

his composition reached far and wide and he was offered many times to leave the pleasure house to perform. but he loved roxana and she often begged to say with him - so he never went. for her he'd do pretty much anything.

spent most of their lives together as lovers. first kiss at 13, lost their virginity to each other at 16/17, when they are in their early 20's nyx saves up to propose.

nyx is betrayed by roxana, though nyx by default does not care if Rrxana were to take lovers.

because of nyx’s upbringing and roxana’s work, all nyx had ever asked Roxana for was to keep no secrets between them

(growing up, roxana was naturally meek and often was in dangerous situations. Both because of this and because of his mothers commentary after she’d invited him for sex (“let’s keep this a secret between us,”). nyx had asked Roxana to never keep things from him, if she could.)

roxana ultimately chooses another man over nyx, one she’d kept a secret. she’d told nyx that she couldn’t be with him anymore. That she wanted more from life, and that she would go with her new lover to see greater sights.

“I loved her. Beautiful like a rosebed. I was a fool, of course. Only a fool forgets that the first rule to pick roses is dethorning them, lest they make you bleed.”

nyx sets off for college the same night. packs his belongings, says by to the pleasure house. his mother kisses on the cheek. he doesn't tell roxana about this

after that he commits to a life of debauchery at the college of swords. many flings and makes more music but never gets tied down despite peoples offers and efforts.

very charismatic in general and good at behaving in slimy and manipulative ways fhfksd. acts in self-interest.

very weak to soft and gentle women (hung up on his ex.... rip)

never ever mentions roxana by name even as an origin character. a lot of his story is about getting him to open up. he has a confrontation with his ex in act 3. his story is similar to astarion

in act one he hears rumor of a beautiful prostitute in the city who works the cities leaders and follows this. his main decision is meeting roxana again and deciding whether or not to forgive or save her

(you learn through the course of his story that roxana was never particularly good or honest to him, though it's not easy to figure out. the best ending to for him to save her but not take her back, the worst is dying for he)

his primary love interest is lae'zel !!

they have a silly and funny relationship at first. it starts as a sex thing but their tent is next to each other. lae'zel likes calling him a jester but loves his voice too.

he likes that she's very different from the women he dates. she's very harsh towards him but he also trusts she would never lie to him. he comforts her through the situation with vlaaktih and she in his story helps him realize that not everyone is out to betray him. he wants to love her and does.

he is SO affectionate towards her act three. she is constantly pissed she has romantic feelings for local emo clown

lae'zel having no propensity for manipulation and also being very honest is really refreshing for nyx. they have a minor age gap fdkfskjd

at the end of the story - nyx encourages lae'zel to travel and save their people. he makes a life for them in the city and writes hundreds of songs about her in her absence. they raise a gith child together

I HAVE MORE TO SAY BUT THIS IS PAINFULLY LONG. SHOWS YOU THIS ANDRUNS AWAY. PLEASE ASK ME QUESITONS IF U LIKE I LOVE ANSWERING Q'S FOR THEM. THANK U

#return to sender #oc: nyx #oc: soulikha #incest mention #KIND OF ITS COMPLIATED!!! BUT SAFETYT

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thesamoanqueen · 2 months

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By the way, I apologize for my message being too long. Just with everything that's happened all these years and now everything that's been going on since The Rock has gotten involved in the storyline, its just been too much and it's frustrating. Because what have we as Roman fans done that's so wrong and bad? What have we done expect support and enjoy our fave, like everyone else does theirs? It's sad that everyone can go on and enjoy their faves happily and in peace, make gifs and posts about them, write fanfics and prompts about them, etc. And even when their faves have made mistakes and have a history of problematic behavior, they can still have fun and be happy and enjoy those people. But we do the same with Roman, and we get piled on for it and treated differently from everyone else. And why? What makes Roman so different from other wrestlers? And what makes his fans different from everyone else? We aren't so different, he's not so different. Yes, he's the face of the company and all, but that doesn't mean he's gonna be 100% perfect. Even faces of the company and top guys mess up and have their moments. So, I really just don't get it 😔

Forgive me if I don't post the previous message anon, but I prefer to reply to this one. I partly agree with what you wrote there too, because to me the whole controversy still seem ridiculous as all the controversies around Roman often are. The comment might have gone unsaid, but it wasn't that different from what he's said to Seth in the past, although I understand it may have offended someone, im pretty sure of the real reason behind all this controversy.

The problem regarding people's perception of Roman has been there since the beginning of his career, I fear it will always be there and there are many reasons behind these reactions. I have my ideas about why and I have my ideas about why others aren't treated the way he was treated too, that's life. They are personal ideas and therefore have no value. I understand your frustration, but those like me who have been on the boat for a decade have gotten used to this underlying problem. We have overcome worse moments than a promo popularly said to be "wrong" and we no longer expect to be treated well, because we can't always get what we deserve and this is a life lesson. What I invite you anon and all of us to do and I said it before friday too, is to calm down because voices who love controversy have been added to the scene, people who are not exactly reliable have entered the scene and who have made a show that should entertain us, heavy and toxic especially because they are encouraged. Let's give things the weight they have, let's all try to feel less free to say the first thing that comes to our mind just because we're behind a keyboard, let's not follow the temptation to behave like others do and let's not judge just because today we have to play the part of valiant knights.

And as for Roman, I don't accuse him for anything, he knows what he thinks and he's responsible for what he does, it's not a comment that makes me change my opinion on the person I believe he is because in all these years he has showed that he is that person inside and outside the ring.

#now can we get over this please? thank you

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gb-patch · 2 years

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Hi, the 'refund ask' person here. Please don't feel pressured to give an answer, I just want to clarify and apologize for a few things, for whoever is behind this acc, reading and taking their time to give detailed answers :)

First, I am sorry, truly, for coming across as a rude person who would scam a small business, and such valuable creators and artists. It was not my intention. I didn't think of it in the moment, I didn't even think that my question would be answered. (Which obviously changes nothing because you would still read it, and it apparently took me a while to realize, but you are a real person. A personal 'sorry' here.)

Like you said, it definitely was an 'it doesn't hurt to ask' mindset that I wrote the question with. Thank you for assuming I meant well, I really did. But I do see my fault now, so really, really thanks for taking your time to explain it in detail. In retrospect, no matter how 'well' I meant, I was in the wrong. To put it mildly, I was ignorant. It feels stupid to say it, but I guess I needed to hear from someone that I couldn't just give someone money, take what they're offering, and ask for my money back. It wasn't how I viewed my question then, but it definitely is now. Also, they might not see this, but a sincere thank-you to the other people who commented on my ask, for making me see how wrong my words sounded when they weren't just in my head. It was a lesson learned, to say the least.

Also, please understand that I didn't mean to say it wasn't worth $5 for 'just a moment', even though I did say it that way. I see how I could've worded that differently. Each and every moment of the story is super important to me, and believe me, I do think thay they all are worth way more than what you're charging, or mostly, not charging. However, it was silly and greedy to ask you to just give away even more of those beautifully made moments. Of course it is your right to charge for your hard work, and I am actually glad you're doing so.

I know it doesn't change anything, or take back what I previously said (no matter how much I wish it could) but I really wanted to make sure you didn't think there was someone in your audience who would be willing to scam you and even shamelessly ask for permission to see if they could. Again, not the intention at all.

Finally, it is actually so nice to see that a small company like yours has a lot of supporters willing to defend it. My question definitely wasn't a scam attempt, but if it were, I'm so glad to see that it wouldn't succeed or go unnoticed.

I will keep on supporting you, albeit silently for the time being, and playing your games for as long as I can. Our Life is an absolute delight of an experience, it inspired me a bunch, helped me through some tough moments in my own life, and is a game that is far more than just a game to me. I can't wait to see what you put out there next. You guys are some of the best out there in my opinion. Love what you do, love the way you communicate with your audience, and love how you handle crises like this. Hope you all have very nice lives where you can create to your heart's content :)

Sorry for the drama I caused, and sorry again, bc this ask is too long :) Thank you for reading.

It's alright. You don't need to apologize. I'm happy you were sympathetic to where I was coming from and that's all I would want. You didn't upset me or cause me any harm and I absolutely don't want you feel unwelcome over asking a question. It took years to make a game that could make people happy, but in only minutes I can sour the experience for people forever with what I post in these ask answers. I hope to avoid that as much as possible.

Not long before you sent your answer, there was another ask about this that was understanding of your situation.

"Im NOT that anon but I'm kind of sad how many other anons are judging them and seem to be a bit eurocentric? not everyone who plays these games have the same currency or similar currency conversiom rate as someone whos family is from venezuela, $5 is barely enough to buy flour, rice, and fish so what may seem like pocket change to you might be all someone else could live on. scummy would be to do so without ask. just disappointed bc i thought this community was more open-minded"

I agree that money is a difficult thing to get and people can't be blamed for not being able, or simply not wanting, to use it on visual novel content. Though, it is also a sore spot for artists who are very familiar with people who flat out devalue their time/effort and think there's no reason to pay for it. It can be hard to always take the question of 'can I get your hard work for free?' with no frustration. But that wasn't the intention of the original question.

If it the question had gotten a different type of response people wouldn't have felt the need to come to my defense over it. At the end of the day, I'm the one who could've avoided this and answered the question in a way that left the asker and the other readers satisfied/informed. It went too far this time.

It's always hard to know how to manage these situations. When a question comes along about a touchy topic but I think it's important to answer, I try to make it definitive and also to make clear that this doesn't open the gates for future asks about this. If I don't, then inevitably more asks come in and I either have to keep addressing/arguing a topic or ignoring them without explanation. It can make a development blog about posting previews a pretty unpleasant place. But if I use one ask to make an overall statement, it can come across unnecessarily strong against the single question the asker sent in.

To the OP, I'm sorry for making you feel like what you did was a huge mistake. It really wasn't. It was a just question over a policy that was intended as neutral and ended up with extra meaning put on it because of outside circumstances/other people's prior and potential actions. I hope you're able to feel reassured after all of this.

And the last thing I'll say is that future asks commentating about the situation won't be posted.

Thank you again for playing!

#ask #gb patch games #gb patch

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myunghology · 2 years

Text

⛸️ ︴SLOWLY, OUR HEARTS TOUCHED.

summary ➺ random knights (enstar unit) lyrics describing your relationships with random genshin boys.

genre ➺ fluff, comfort..

au ➺ none?

proofread ➺ nope.

note ➺ i made this because knights songs make me cry every day. i am also a loner everyday so add my discord or follow my twitter, my discord is mihai #0241 and my twitter is @/miihaiya ps. i need friends and i am desperate, i cannot start conversations well... `` mentions of death

🎋 ︴XIAO

“never being expressed, these words that are buried in my heart.” — silent oath

okay, i know the lyric sounds kinda sad, but think of it like this: xiao always pushes people away right? because he doesn't want to get attached to them, cause he thinks he'll lose them sooner or later, if he does, the only result he'll get is you dying a few years later, he never expresses himself properly— that's the problem. he loves you dearly but can't express it properly, his main coping mechanism is distancing himself away from you. so you finally had to confront him, 'why do you keep avoiding me? did i do something wrong?' you asked, "..it's not that." he turned his head, not wanting to answer properly. let's be honest, it's better to tell someone how you honestly feel about them before you die, but true, getting attached so easily means that it'll be harder to deal with your death if he does get attached to you, he doesn't want to push you away. he wants you to be with him forever. he thinks it's his fault for falling in love with a mortal. don't get me wrong, all ends well of course, since you've told him that the archons will lead you back to him if you die or not. a few, no, maybe a decade had past after your death, xiao was just a shell of a person now, still looking for you even though you had died, he has faith in you, you know? then he finally spotted you again, the love of his life that had died decades ago, near the terrace of wangshuu inn. he could feel his eyes tear up, biting his lip so no tears could fall out, he ran to you and gave you a tight hug. he didn't care how much you two had to seperate, even for a long time, he doesn't care. he just wants you to be lead back to him in the end. “i still look for you, sleepless nights, thinking about you, and you finally came back to me.”

🍁 ︴KAZUHA

“that's right, you just need to stay by my side and i won't leave you.” — silent oath

“so your just gonna dedicate this to them because of their trauma?” yeah. stay by his side and he won't leave you, as long as you don't leave him, he's perfectly fine. if you do leave him, by death or by choice, he's gonna become a shell of a person either way. he's already trembling, it's already more than he can take, first tomo, now you? he's clutching his chest, he's already been through so much. if you left by death: he's shaking, crying even. beidou can hear his sobs, he doesn't care anymore, he lost you. doesn't blame you, it's okay, he'll be with you soon, he believes... if by choice, he doesn't blame you as well. you've gotten sick of him, huh? it's okay, he understands. he's no stranger to that result. but.. if you don't leave him, all is well. he's a man of his word, he doesn't leave you if you dont leave him. he's.. glad he met you, a blessing from the archons, he calls you. of course, your happy you've met him as well.

⚡ ︴AETHER

“if you can be yourself without shame, it's alright.” — fight for judge

if you've read my 'types of troupes with them' and remember the aether one, im bringing it back, you can also read this one even if you haven't read it yet. as i was saying, aether wants you to be free, he doesn't want you to have trouble talking to other people, but of course, he considers your feelings as well. he understands why won't you talk to people, even for the most stupidest reasons ever. he won't push you to do it if you don't want to, he isn't that type of person, get it? buuuuuut, he helps you when you can't talk to other people, he gets used to your body language if you wanna say something or not, he talks for you as well! paimon does too.. you're happy that they do. what could you do without the both of them? aether is proud of you once you soften up to people, but sometimes, he just wants to see that sight from himself, you can't blame him though, you want him to yourself too, since he's always so busy doing quests, commissions and everything. at the end of the day, you guys always make it up for the lost time, and i mean always.

🔮 ︴SCARAMOUCHE

“that's right, if we can't understand each other, then we just need to display ourselves.” — fight for judge

don't get me wrong, fights with him are common, but it doesn't mean you guys won't resolve it easily.. even though most of your fights are caused by him, he's stubborn. well, you would already know. the harbingers find it kinda impossible how you two always make up after a intense fight, 'how'd you do that?' they would ask at least seven times a week. mostly, your fights are just because of misunderstandings, of course you both get mad at each other, the results are ignoring each other for the whole day, but if you ask me, don't tell him i told you this, but it's mostly him who comes back to you at the end of the day. how could you resist your bowl-cut hair boyfriend? more like, who are you to resist your bowl-cut haired boyfriend? he flicks your forehead sometimes if you ever try to bring it up, he's just in denial, don't worry. but he knows what your saying is true deep down inside him.

©miihai

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trashedanatomy · 8 months

Text

"Do you like my Boyfriend" Fic

Chapter 8

"you like him don't you?" Dabi had pinned himself overtop the lizard in the cornered-off alley filled, with trash, and the smell of weed. the bricks were ragged and sharp moss and mold grew in between cracks, the ambiance of cars rushing past, and people walking outside the alley filled the background. He waiting for an answer, a huge grin on his face.

"The fuck Dabi!" spinner sneered, looking around to see if anyone was watching, "What are you talking about!?" Shuichi pushed away Dabi forcefully, taking a step forward, stuffing his hands back into his hoodie pockets.

"You. You like Tomura don't you? " Dabi stated, looking over the lizards quickly changing expression.

"N-No I do not!", Spinner took a step back. now panic going over his face. What. is it that obvious? was Dabi going to ban me from ever even glancing an eye at Tomura?! Is he going to tell Tomura, is Tomura gonna fucking hate me? he would be grossed out that I even had a crush on him. fuck. fuck. "Dude look. I don't like your damn boyfriend."

"Yes, you do. I see how you blush all over him, every time he accidentally feather touches you while walking by. You fucking like uhm. being poetic is your shit. but your eyes seem to glisten every time he smiles that creepy big smile." Dabi explained. looking over Shuichi, chuckling slightly.

"Okay fine! I do like him!" Spinner confessed, now in full-on panic. "Please don't tell him! Please don't like- ban me from playing games with him and shit, I know he's your boyfriend, it was just a stupid little thing I've had for like, way before yall started to date. Fuck okay!?!" Spinner looked down, looking like a sad pathetic wet kitten, but a lizard-

"Even more perfect." Dabi grinned even wider, Shuchi was surprised he wasn't bleeding from how strong the facial expression had come. "Buh-Bye Chamilian"

"Im a Gecko you asshole!!" spinner gritted his teeth, quickly fast-walking by him, in some sort of competition to get out faster, while still attempting to look cool.

Spinner was pacing around his apartment, panicked as he thought about so many things, what would happen once Dabi told, him how he got this stupid crush. why he failed to hide it well enough.

I've had a crush on Tomura for a while... He was always so crazed, but yet focused on a goal... I was one of the last people he had interviewed. He seemed to judge me, hard. My mind immediately went to the thought he was quirkist... but the more I think about it. The more I believe he wasn't actually. He was just naturally rude to new people, well. people he decided he didn't need to care for too much. And he only became harsh when I mentioned a devotion to stain, which he still will growl if ever mentioned. but the more I was around the more I realized he wasn't... too bad. We bonded over games and stuff. and the more we played these games, the more I actually realized I had a friend. And then a stupid crush. I tried my best, to kick it down. to make sure it never showed. in which clearly did, due to the previous interaction with Dabi. the fucking guy who started to date him. When he heard the news, he felt happy that Tomura had someone less of a freak than him. but also jealous. He was just glad that Tomura never distanced away. But now Dabi was going to ruin that. In no possible way was he NOT going to tell. make Tomura disgusted about how an overgrown lizard had a fucking crush on him.

Spinner gave up. falling onto his bed as he checked his phone, glad but also nervous about no texts from Tomura. No known evidence that he was shunned.

Tomura's door was loudly slammed, Tomura no different as Dabi rushed in "I have good news for your single misfortune" Dabi grinned, quickly pressing the doomed Alt-f4 on Tomura's game, finally gaining his attention.

"the fuck asshole. and I'm with you. not single" Shigharaki gritted his teeth, spinning in his gaming chair to face Dabi.

"Yeah but you know, we ain't like- set stone- so I'm getting you an extra fuck buddy so you ain't missing out." Dabi flicked Tomura's forehead, too much of his dislike. "Hope your a monster fucker or dater or whatever shit but your lizard player two like ya" Tomura looked at him, a blank expression on his face.

"What?"

"Spinner, gecko man. he likes you" Dabi grinned.

"No, he doesn't." Tomura scoffed, grabbing his phone. "stop fucking around"

"I'm not, swear on my dad's life"

"You're planning on killing said Dad." Tomura rolled his eyes and started to scroll on Tumblr.

"Bad, example. but no. Confront the man. maybe take a vid, it be fucking funny his reaction" Dabi laughed manically. Tomura is now the one to flick Dabi's forehead. then elbowing him. making him fall onto the floor. still laughing like a madman. which he is.

"Fine. but if he never talks to me again, we're over."

Tomura started to watch Spinner every day of that week, The first two days with Spinner in the bar, he seemed to try to avoid Tomura, but Tomura persisted, finally being able to have a conversation, and then he seemed to be normal again. in which Tomura realized how much he would become flustered when Tomura accidentally brushed past him. How when talking Spinner would stare into his eyes seeming to fall in love over and over. not looking away, Ready to change conversation whenever Tomura decided he was bored. how he seemed to become a notch sadder, frowning slightly when Tomura would leave. before leaving to do his own thing. it was quite obvious now. The next three days Tomura had invited Spinner over, where he became even more sucked into Tomura. sitting as close as he could, his tail swaying every time Tomura said a 'good job'. Tomura even noticed that Spinner stared. every chance he could while Tomura was looking away, he would stare, watching him. the last two days, were full of Tomura thinking. Thinking about how he should approach this on Monday.

Spinner felt the eyes watching him. He knew Dabi had spilled the secret. Now Tomura stared at him, not letting his gaze turn away. Probably thinking about how he could get rid of him, either kicking him out or killing him. Spinner could only imagine the scene. Tomura reached for a hand, grasping all five of his slender fingers on him. Slowly turning into meaty chunks. Or if Tomura felt any empathy, then immediately dust you would brush off items on your shelf. He tried to avoid his boss. Not wanting to deal with whatever embarrassing or life-threatening. Until Tomura had forced out a conversation while cornering him. It wasn't about him. It wasn't about Spinner having a crush. It was nothing embarrassing. It was just a simple gaming convo. And then he was invited over. Where he was sure he would be confronted. But again, not. Maybe Dabi was as shitty as he thought...

I'm going to confront him. now or never, text then wait, then game, then ask. Whatever he says is the final answer. Tomura grabbed his phone.

'Come over 4 games, also night stay, bring stuff.'

'kk be there soon

Shuichi entered the apartment, phone not bothering to look up from his phone, as he closed and locked the door. walking over to the bed to sit down "Hey dude, why such a sudden hang-out time? " he dropped his backpack about to sit down before Tomura stopped him.

"You get bean bag today" Tomura pulled the bean bag to be under where he sat on the bed. It wasn't uncommon for this arrangement so Spinner just shrugged while sitting down, grabbing his designated 'Tomuras place' Controller. starting the game up as he was player one.

Tomura stared as SPinner got comfortable, already starting up the game of Rayman that was on the screen, Grabbing his own controller he started to do the soccer mini-game with him both playing back to back, the ball only getting into one of the goals Five minutes later, then again Three minutes later. They were competitive. making sure they wouldn't do a losing kick, or a dumb block, leaving them both with few points, but more gameplay. Tomura would usually get sucked in, blank out till Spinner slapped him back to life. But not now. now he needed to get to twenty goals, then he would say something. already at thirteen. Shuichi at fourteen. now fifteen. Tomura 3 more scores. Spinner another two. And then one more for Tomura, then another for Spinner. then finally Two last scores from Tomura. leaving Spinner grunting and crossing his arms. "You had to have cheated... good game." Spinner huffed, going back to the main screen so he could put on a quest.

"Do you like me?" Tomura blurted out. looking down at Spinner. waiting for an answer, crossing legs so Spinner couldn't ease his way out.

"Dabi fucking told you!?" Spinner looked up, trying to stand before Tomura trapped him, wrapping his legs around him, ending with Spinner flushing, his scales turning slightly brown. his eyes wide. gulping. mumbling a couple of directed curses to a certain bacon man. "I'm uhm... I'm sorry dude, just forget it okay?"

"Why should I forget it?" Tomura questioned, moving a hand to grab the spinner snout delicately, turning his head slightly. "And yes. the asshole told me a week ago about your little uhm... crush" Spinner just stared, not daring to move.

"You uh... still want to be friends right?" Spinner asked, worried about losing his only real friend.

"No. you have a crush on me."

"oh..." Spinner pushed away and got up, forcing Tomura's legs away so he could successfully stand. grabbing for his bag before a hand grabbed his shirt and pulled him over, causing him to fall. "The hell!?"

"We ain't friends no more 'cause we are now dating" Tomura laid out. grinning at his newly won lizard.

"N-no! your dating Dabi I'm not going to partake in cheating!" Spinner huffed, looking slightly angry that it could even be suggested.

"We are not monogamous, Dabi fucks random people every other day. goes on first dates every week. He's the one who told me to suck it up and confront you." Spinner stared at him, mouth slightly agape, taking in the information. Dabi was playing fucking matchmaker with him and his boyfriend. now Spinner had a boyfriend. does this mean he is also boyfriends with Dabi?

"Okay"

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bloodenjoyer · 9 months

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oh Please spill the tea on RWRB because I hear a lot about it from book blogs I sort of vaguely follow and I'm dying to hear a mutual's takes on it at this point,

well honeslty i dont even judge ppl who like rwrb like i myself will sometimes indulge in YA romance whatever ...esp if its nostalgic to me..(i know i have a few friends and mutuals who dolike rwrb) and forgive me because im not entirely sober. but basically that book Sux majorly. like.

Okay hi picking up from where i left off. The politics were stupid and bad ( which like. Doesnt automatically make a book bad or an unenjoyable read but still) Like they were so weird and wishywashy democrat. Very "there are good people on both sides!!!!!!" but also like theres this gay republican guy who outs the main character for his own campaign? But like it didnt make a lot of sense. also a lot of emphasis on the. diplomatic relations between the usa and the uk LOL i didnt find that offensive or anything and honestly it was kind of silly. Very fanfic-y but not necessarily the worst part of the book just silly . Oh also loved to suck the english monarchys dick. like...a lot. There was so much "ohhhhh its so hardddd being the prince of england and also im gay its sooo hard and people dont get how hard it is for meeeeee also we colonized people which is sad and embarrassing but yiu just dont get itt" like idk. Weird

Then like the romance aspect was like...idk. It was supposed to be enemies to lovers (<Trope! Always forced trope but whatever) but like it was more like. Mad-at-eachother to friends-with-benefits. Like there was no real romance to the book imo??? readers are expected to believe theyre in love because the book STATES theyre in love but theres not much actual depiction of them falling in love. Like oh wow theyre fucking and stuff. Also their EMAIL SEXTS get leaked. which was really fucking funny not gonna lie. it was just. it was just typical shitty ya i guess. very very obviously fanfic with the names changed. like i do get why people couldve enjoyed the book maybe. but personally it wasnt for me and if the movie is bad im not surprised!

#Also there was that weird insensitive joke abt israel that made my skin crawl but apparently they took it out of more recent prints?idk #i could probs say more but its been years since ive read that book. So i forgor #asks

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the1975attheirverybest · 6 months

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im so fucking happy for you that you had such a great time and i would honestly love to hear more about it - 🐸

Omgggg you are so so sweet 🥹🥹🩷🩷 gosh I’m already emotional as it is now I’m gonna cry hahaha. Just filled with love and appreciation for this fandom tbh. Y’all are wonderful. I love you.

Ok this is gonna be sooo sappy and sooo sentimental and silly so I would 10000% not be mad if you were kinda judging me. I think I’d be judging me if I were you.

It was so so so so good. The energy in the room was phenomenal. The crowd was great I think. Not a lot of people stiffly standing and filming the whole show. I would say most of the front half of the pit only filmed a few bits but was dancing and singing along the majority of the time.

Matty and Ross know I exist 🥹🥹🥹 they interacted with me and laughed when I was in complete and utter shockkkkk. I blew matty a kiss and he reciprocated (he also sent kisses to other fans in the crowd like it wasn’t just me. I’m delusional but not THAT delusional hahaha). He made fun of me. And when I gestured for him to take his shirt off during “maybe I would like you better if you took off your clothes” he stubbornly said no so I pretended to be mad and he did a little bow.

The songs were phenomenal. Great mix of greatest hits/ classics and some underrated / lesser known stuff.

There’s just….something about the boys. Like sure live music in general is a great vibe and it makes me emotional snd excited and stuff. So, when Dora Jar performed the opening act (guys check her out she’s amazing) I was still dancing along and having fun. Cuz good music is good. But when the boys came on??? ABSOLUTELY SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE. Something about singing the same words as them. At the same time as them. Looking directly into their eyes and having them look back at you….this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever said in my entire life but it felt like home. Like we were all there together and it was the safest place on the planet. Like everyone believed in every single word that they were screaming out. You could totally see that these 4 boys absolutely love their jobs. They radiate joy and fun.

Polly is a fuckin Angel for JC2005 and John Waugh (my REAL crush, sorry matty) was sooo phenomenal I had a hard time looking him in the eyes without blushing.

I really really didn’t want it to end. Like when it was time to leave the venue I was sad.

But really it’s the fans. People who’ve seen the boys before were like hyping up those of us who have never been to a 75 gig before. And like the line leader girlie was so so sweet she kept checking in whenever a fav song of mine that I told her about before was performed or something. And the people in front of us were so so nice and cheerful. The whole vibe was just perfect.

Oh and Matty is even more beautiful in person (though teenyyyy tinyyyy) than he is in pictures and I really didn’t think it’d be possible.

I’m still like bursting into tears any time I think about the show or you guys. Or the boys. Or how lucky I am to have all of it. Just soooo full and happy and inspired and grateful

#🐸anon

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cosmica-galaxy · 6 months

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COUGH perhaps this is a strange thing to say but tysm for writing your skibidi fic not only bc its amazing but also because it makes me feel less cringe about being in this fandom 💀 im a firm believer in putting cringe culture in its grave, but i was also around on the internet (and at a very impressionable age) whenever calling people 'cringe' just for their interests was at its peak so i, unfortunately, have that mindset a bit engraved into me. but seeing a piece of writing so genuinely well made and with so much love put into it that comes from a 'cringe' source material makes me go ":D man this is so cool this is so sick all the haters are stupid and sad" yk? so. thank you for that, really

ANYWAYS mushy stuff aside. my favorites from your fic (so far) are Vee and the veteran cameraman!!! (who i, creatively, refer to as Vet in my mind. or Captain, Chief, and/or Boss. basically any name[s] that mean "this-is-a-high-ranking-person" in any capacity) im always a sucker for stoic characters who have a soft side for a particular person, so vee was immediately up my alley, but me liking the vcm kinda took me as a surprise!!

tbh i think it comes from me accidentally imagining a scenario where y/n calls him "dad" on accident. do you know about that one scene from the show brooklyn 99 called "thanks dad"??? theres plenty of animatics of it for different characters in different fandoms so my mind kinda. defaulted to it akjdhjadad. if you dont know wtf im talking about but want to, just look up "brooklyn 99 dad audio" on youtube :) OR if you dont know and dont wanna know you can just. ignore that lmao /lhnm

EITHER WAY just. y/n accidentally calling the vcm dad ONE TIME and then never living it down (hint: its mostly because nobody ever LETS them live it down. especially vcm) okay thats all tysm for reading this mess of an ask asdsfasfdsg

I'm glad I changed your mindset, even just a little! Your praise for my fic warms my heart~!! Vee and Veteran are easily the more popular characters in the fic, judging by how many people are fans of them. I'm just glad that peeps have favorites and my "OC" (really just units with some unique designs to help them stand out in a crowd) characters! That is actually a pretty funny scene...now I think I may include it into my fic at some point. The human needs someone to lean on...so why not Vet? Thank you for the idea! ; ) Also, thanks for finding my fic enjoyable! I really appreciate feedback and comments! : D

#haxorus imp #hax speaks #cosmica galaxy #cosmica-galaxy #anonymous #anon asks #skibidi tag #anon ask

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thequietkid-moonie · 1 year

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I checked your rules and didn’t see anything about this, but if it’s uncomfortable for you I understand. Would you be willing to write fic or drabble where Masa (The Way of the House Husband) is comforting a depressed s/o, like they’re trying to recover from a s/h addiction and they just need the extra help? I look forward to reading it should you chose to write, and if not I understand completely.

Blessed ❤️

Helping depressed S/O who have self-harm problems

[ HEADCANONS ] [ Masa ]

[ The way of a House Husband / Gokushufudo ]

⚠️ TW: depression and self-harm

Don't worry dear, I don't have no problem with writing this stuff, i really like to write this comforting headcanons, it help me and im happy it help other too

Masa can be pretty dumb and irresponsable at times, but he loves you so he cares for you, he worries whenever he sees you worried or sad and he always offer you his help (he may not be the best like Tatsu, but he wants to help you)

If you don't tell him directly that you have depression he won't know, but he will notice the trails of it, like how you some days you seem more down or that don't have much energy, how you make efforts to hide your body (even more where you self-harm or have scars), and it broke his heart seeing you so bad, he believes from the bottom of his heart that you deserve all the happiness in the world

Masa is always asking you about it, asking how do you feel, if everything is alright, if there is something bothering you, if there is something he can do to help you, he may not know what you are going through but he wants to help you

You will have to open up to him about your depression at some point so he could help you (and finally relax a little with the topic because he worries a lot for you), he heard all you have to say and even ask a lot of things too, he want to know everything he can but he has a hard time trying to understand it. Masa may doesn't fully understand what are you struguling with nor why you feel what you feel, but he isn't going to leave you alone with this

He will try to learn more about depression on his own, he will search and read a lot about the topic so he can comprehend what you are going through, and is for sure that at some point he will ask Tatsu for advice of what he can do to help you and make you life easier

One the mainly ways he try to help you is distracting you, he is always inviting you over to do different things like going out, to see a movie or maybe pay a visit to Tatsu and Miku, whatever he is planning to do you are always inviting to go, especially the days that he sees you down

He is really irresponsable and tend to forget to do daily task, but just to be able to help you he will try more to remember to do housechores and to do them properly, he wants to be able to take care of you when you feel like you can't

He doesn't like to leave you alone either, he had read that is not too good for depressed people to be alone for too long since their mind tent to play them tricks, so he prefer to stay by your the most amount of time he can, unless you really need time alone then he will leave you alone hesitantly

Also, Masa is not shy at all so he will always telling you how much he loves and apreciate you, how special you are to him (he sometimes say it dramaticly or like is nothing, but everytime he say it he mean it)

If you decide to tell him about your self-harm addiction he will heard you carefuly, since he is really worried he ask a lot of things and may even can seem rude or like he is judging you but he's not, is just that he can't fully understand it, that doesn't supouse to hurt? then why do you do it? At the end he admit that he doesn't understand why you do it but he wants to help you

Still, the first time he catch you doing it or just see that you have a recent injury he panics, he runs to you and hold you as gently as he can manage to inspect the injury, even if you already told him about it the thought of that injury being caused by yourself never crossed his mind, he asked you what happen thinking that it may be an accident (if he see just the scar he fear that it was someone else who hurt you)

He will help you take care of the injury at the best of his habilities, its okay if you don't want to say anything but if you tell him that you were the one who cause you the injury he will be shocked, he will stare at you for a moment before going back to help you

Masa doesn't want to say much about it unless you ask him, since he doesn't fully understand it he doesn't want to accidently say something that could make you upset or make you feel ashame (specially if you already feel embarrassed of it), so he just help you clean it and take care of it, maybe try to make a joke to light up the mode (but he's not making fun of you)

He will offer you to try and find other things that could help you, something where you can keep busy your hands and mind (it could be something simple like drawing or playing video games, or maybe even learning something, like how to weave or to play an instrument), whatever you want to try he will keep you company with it and will join you if you ask him to

He may doesn't have an addiction himself but for being in the yakuza world he knows how dangerous, serious and difficult things could get, thats why whenever you say to him that you have some time clean without self-harming yourself he congratulate you cheerfuly, it doesn't matter if is just one day or a whole week he is proud of you, and when you fullfil a while clean he will offer you to celebrate!

Also, he congratulate you for every improvement you have, like, for example, if you were having some bad days and you didn't want to do anything but that day you decide to get out of the bed or maybe you take a bath and change your clothes he congratulate you, he's not trying to babying you he just want you to know that he know how difficult this "small and normal" things could be for you and he apreciate every efford you do, even the smallest

#gokushufudou #gokushufudou x reader #the way of a househusband #The way of a househusband x reader #masa #masa x reader #tw #tw depression #x depressed reader #depressed reader #anime and manga #anime x reader #anime x you #x reader #x gn reader #anime #manga

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enrapture · 8 months

Text

It really baffles me that people really don’t know anything about anyone. It doesn’t matter the length of time you’ve known someone, you really don’t know everything there is to know about that person. People are much too complex to possibly pinpoint or to know or categorize everything there is to know about that person. There are so many sides to people, so many different ways that people can choose to be and to even act as someone they aren’t and share things and such. It doesn’t mean you truly know them. You just see a side, a small fragment whatever about them or into their life or see a character they’re trying to play or put out there. You’re never going to know all of someone. Peoples lives are so crazy and chaotic in good and bad ways and everyone goes through things and gains and loses people so fluidly just so many layers to a person it’s too much.

What drives me up a wall though is how people are just so quick to judge someone based on something someone’s shared, something someone’s said, getting fed or sharing false information on that person, essentially just spreading misinformation in general based on small fragments of moments shared whether it be online or in person. And just how easy it is for people to try to figure someone out when they have literally no clue whatsoever. It’s sad how perspective really does make a difference among getting to know someone over time and actually seeing their shoes by walking in them and just actually knowing a vast majority of that person by truly understanding them and what they’ve gone through and spending actual real quality time with them for a longgg time even then you won’t know me fully but will you know me better than just making accusations? Absolutely but that’s never all of me. Again, just small or portion sized fragments. The bigger picture is there if you’re willing to look at all sides and take the time to understand them. It just shows a lot of someone’s character that they’re so quick to dismiss someone, be hateful towards them, judge them, go along with inaccurate statements, and only see things from their perspective and shit like that just in general be ignorant as hell when they know absolutely nothing. They refuse to see that there are other perspectives and other sides to things other than their own. Life, people in general are so much bigger than that. And that is something you have to accept. You won’t ever know everything about a person. I don’t care what was posted online, i don’t care what was said, I don’t care who was with who, what was with what about any of that shit. For example: I don’t care that someone posts TikTok’s and makes relatable content and it seems fucked up, it’s just for views it’s not how people actually are, it’s to get views to get a paycheck, that’s not actually them. Some of it could be, but you cannot believe everything you see online. You cannot believe everything you read. You cannot believe everything you listen to. A lot of music is based on experiences and a lot of music is based on characters they’ve created and are portraying as, and alot of it is just fun or pure nonsense and has no meaning at all or even relates to the person singing it or whatever creative outlet used. Everyone tries to over analyze someone or something. It’s absolutely insane the shit that people like to pin against someone else or assume about someone else. It really show’s ignorancy. It shows how much certainty they are willing to jump to cause issues for someone. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

No one can just live anymore without someone jumping down their throats about something. There’s always something that’s a flaw or something wrong in some way in their eyes or again, quick to judge based on appearance, what’s said, what someone’s shared whatever when they really just need to be looking at themselves instead of trying to crawl up someone else’s ass and tell them who they are or judge them.

Speaking for myself, im learning to not care about what people think of me and what I do in life. I used to care so fucking much about what others thought of me and what was pounded into my head as a child to a point where I would over analyze every little thing and allow outside factors dictate my self worth and what I deserved and who I thought I was and should be at the time to a point where my anxiety (panic disorder)would be through the roof. Im at a point in life where I know who I am. I know what I’ve been through. I’m full of so many shades of color. I’m comfortable with change. I don’t have to justify anything or be anyone I’m not. You can choose to fw me or you can choose to fuck off. It’s really that simple. No harm no foul. Im not going to chase something that doesn’t chase me back. Im not going to go after anything that’s not truly meant for me. Because what’s meant to be will be regardless. So many doors have closed to only open more doors for me. I’m not bothered. I know everyone isn’t for everybody and that’s okay. You can believe what you want to believe about me but I highly doubt you know me personally to even begin to have an opinion on me. Everyone makes mistakes and no one’s perfect. The whole point is to work on and learn from them. Life is fully about the experience and to expand and change. I’m fully comfortable, aware and understanding of myself (still progressing, learning, healing, and improving in the ways that I struggle with) enough to say that. Because I know who knows me fully and who doesn’t. I know myself enough now and I’m helping my inner child walk with pride in realizing and coming to terms with that fact. 🩶 there is only so much time in life. I’m not going to waste it on trying to change others ignorance or to please other peoples perceptions of me. I’m choosing to move and live fluidly with happiness. I’m surrounding myself with mutuality & love and openness. There’s too much of myself I have yet to see yet, too many times in my life I have yet to experience, too much to deal with than to worry about all the negativity. Life is meant to be spent. I know yin and Yang with happiness comes madness and madness comes sadness and so on. It’s experience and I’m here as a student to learn. I’m okay. I have myself and I know who I am and what I put out into the world. I’m excited with childlike wonderment to continue to experience it all. I don’t know where I’ll be in the future but I know where I’m at right now in life and that’s enough. :). xx

#I just wanted to write my feelings and thoughts out rn #if you take the time to read all this I love you #and I’m thankful for you #mine #life is just the experience #it is what it is #younger you is inside or you trying to appreciate things older you can’t rn #be around those that wanna be around you be around those that are good for you and challenge you to be better #etc

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rattlingheart · 4 months

Text

i finally decided to sit down and write out how i've been feeling.

Am I selfish? Am I jealous? Am I a bad person to the people I care about? Are they bad to me? I don’t understand why it’s so wrong of me to have wants. All i want is someone for myself. I want someone who would do anything for me at any time. I want to be cared for, i want to be loved and i want to be wanted and needed. Why is that so bad? I want my own person. Everyone else has their own so why cant i have one too? Every time i try to explain it i end up looking like the bad guy. Maybe my actions arent great and maybe i feel things too strong but none of that would matter if i had someone who understood. Nobody ive ever talked to knows what im going through because everyone at one point or another has had their person. They dont know what its like to think you have someone and then lose them to someone else, over and over and over again. At this point it just feels hopeless and im starting to feel like an idiot for ever thinking it could happen. I know it sounds conceited to think im the only person to ever feel this way but thats just how it feels. I want to be wanted so bad it hurts. Every day i spend alone makes me feel worse and worse. I dont know how much i can take. I want someone i can call and theyll answer right away, happy to hear me and ill be happy to hear them. I want to be able to have hours of conversation while also being comfortable with hours of silence. I want someone to think of me in a romantic way. To want to take me on dates and bring me flowers and show me how much they love me. I want to be so yearned for that it makes their stomach hurt. I want someone to be sad when they cant see me and angry when i talk to someone else. I want someone to put my picture in their wallet, or put a photo of us on their lockscreen. To be the first thing on someones mind when they wake up and the last thing before they fall asleep. In my eighteen years of life ive never come close. People say everyone has their time and everyone has their person, and i want to believe that so bad. I wish i could trick myself into being okay by myself and to just accept that my time wil come and that someone will love me but i just cant. Do you know how pathetic that feels? To know you have the potential to love and be loved but to never feel it? To just be fooled over and over to the point of not knowing what it feels like to have a crush anymore, not knowing if they actually want to get to know me or if they just need enough of my interests to get into my bed. I would love for someone to want to know me.

I want someone to know everything about me oh my god. I want to tell them everything about me and they tell me everything about them. I want to know someones deepest secrets and for them to know mine. I want to not be judged for the way i act, think, and feel. I promise i wont judge you if you dont judge me. I just cant understand why this is too much to ask. I want someone to meet my parents and my friends. I want to be a part of someone else's family and theyre a part of mine. I want to be thought of when holidays come around, and for them to know my birthday. I want them to ask if im coming over for dinner or if youre coming to mine. I want to be seen as a pair, if one of us is there then so is the other. It doesnt have to last forever, im not asking for a marriage partner, just a taste. I just want to dip my toes into the pool of love, i dont have to swim in it. Eventually i want to meet someone that just pulls me in with them and drowns me. I want to be smothered with love until it makes me sick. It would feel so much better than being alone. I cant even imagine how it would feel to be introduced as a girlfriend. For someone to show their family and friends my picture and to be excited about it. I hate begging for things but please. Its all ive ever wanted and yet its making me into a monster. I dont feel like myself anymore, i feel like a shell. It feels like my heart is just rattling around in my body making noise for someone to hear her. The butterfly in my stomach is dying, she hasn't fluttered in so long. I want her to be happy again, for me to just think of someone and she does somersaults around my stomach. I want to be nervous to go on a first date, maybe even a second or a third. I want to have a kiss at the end of the date like how it happens in the movies. I want someone to bring me home and want to see me again. I want to be a girlfriend, i cant wait until the day someone asks me. I think ill die right there in that moment. I want to say i love you. I want someone to say they love me every time they see me, every time they leave my presence and every time they enter it. I want people to know that im loved, and to know that i love the person loving me. I want to love someone so hard that just the thought of not having them in my life makes me sick. I want it to make me cry and i want them to comfort me and say it will never happen. I want them to lie to me. So that when the day eventually comes and they tell me they no longer love me I can have faith that ill find someone else to love me. I want to have a breakup that hurts me so bad i cant leave my bed and i stop talking to people for weeks. I want to lay in my bed and rot away just reminiscing over the way they loved me for so long. I want to know the feeling of having my heart ripped out of my chest and taken from me. I want to know the feeling of growing a new heart for someone else. And for that person to nurse me back to health, back to my original self. I know its strange to want heart break but as someone whos never experienced it, i want to know what its like. I want to experience every aspect of a relationship. I want to fight and argue. I want to apologize and make amends because we both know it isnt worth it to be mad at each other. I want someone to tell me that theyre sorry, and that theyll never yell at me again. I want someone to run their fingers through my hair as i lay my head in their lap. I want someone to hold me, hold my hand, hold my body, hold my heart. I want to put my legs on someones lap and for them to rub my legs just to know theyre there. I want to have someone to grab in a crowded room, to hold my hand so i dont get lost.

I want someone on the same level as me and i pray they never leave me behind. I just want to be loved and cared for the same as everyone else in my life. I want to feel like an equal to the people around me and not like an alien. Ive spent years building myself up for other people to notice me. Ive been noticed, but no one has cared enough to stay. It makes me feel so awful. Ive learned to keep things to myself, to not overshare. I try to go after what i want but it always ends badly, i always end up looking desperate. People use desperate in a bad way but i cant help but think, is that not what i am? I am desperate. I am so unbelievably desperate for someone to want me. I cant sit with my own thoughts or it starts to make me physically and mentally ill. I need someone to share them with. I need someone to talk to. I need somebody to be there for me. I need my own person. Someone i dont have to share and someone who will always be there when i need them. Someone who will know i need them before i even realize it. I think if i had someone to pour my thoughts onto and pour all of the love inside of me, id be doing a lot better. Im just scared that what if i find my person but they dont want me in my current state? What if im too much to handle and too much to take care of. I guess theyre not my person then. When i finally do find my person, someone just for me, they will love me for who i am, what i am, and they will see the good in me. Is that too much to ask?

#love #long reads #relationship #vent

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