#like why did they do the dumb fucking meditation bit with him?
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I think it’s funny (sad) that Asmodeus, rather than being a well-mannered southern gentleman who is also unbelievably violent and would have made a TERRIFYING entity, the writers just made him a very ambitious and weirdly goofy guy with an accent and completely undercut him
#rach watches s13 for the first time#spn#asmodeus#nothing I hate more than seeing good character design be WASTED#he would have been chilling as a serene but murderous presence who kills for sport without getting a single speck of blood on him#something something well dressed man can’t be seen as more manly because that would undercut the peak male winchesters#idk I’m not saying this too well but they somehow yanked all the guts out of him as a concept#delete later#like why did they do the dumb fucking meditation bit with him?#why are all the demons of hell so disrespectful to him even after he vaporised a bunch of them?#even lucifer makes fun of him! like?????#can I get uhhhhhhhhh bullying a man for being ambitious and not conformingly masculine
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Mean
Master! Luke Skywalker x Padawan! Reader
Summary: a simple lightsaber combat with master Luke turns into something else.
Warnings: soft dom Luke, oral sex (m! receiving), inappropriate use of the force, implied age-gap, established relationship (?).
A/N: a little late but here it is, the soft dom Luke fic requested by anon. i also used the padawan reader cuz some of y’all asked for more… and yes, i put that gif of Graham as Luke cuz he’s super hot too idc lmao. Hope you like this! 💗
It all started as something innocent. Just a simple lightsaber combat to train and have fun. Neither of you expected to end up all sweaty, high in adrenaline and with a sexual tension way too strong.
It’s almost unbearable. The only thing you want to do is go straight to your room, strip naked and rub your clit all night until you get rid of that annoying frustration.
But you’re really dumb if you think that master Luke is not hearing your thoughts. You’re being louder that usual, of course he can sense it easily, and those filthy fantasies of yours are enough to drive him wild.
So, before you decide to excuse yourself out of the situation, Luke uses the force to snatch your lightsaber from your hands, hiding the blade and letting the hilt hang from his belt, just like all those times where he punished you for misbehaving.
But you did nothing wrong this time! you’re being a good girl, why is he acting like that?. Both of you were enjoying the friendly combat, so that sudden change is difficult to understand. You don’t get it. You weren’t acting like a brat.
“On your knees” he demands. “Now”.
“W-what?”
“You heard me”
Of course he won’t repeat what he said, and you heard it clearly, so now you need to obey his commands, even if you think it’s unfair. Cause you know full well that, if you don’t do as he wants, your lightsaber will stay on his belt for a week and you’ll be forced to meditate instead of having fun with the other students.
Letting out a sigh, you get on your knees, right in front of Luke, immediately noticing the prominent bulge in his pants.
So that’s what has your master all moody and pent up? He needs your help to relieve some stress and frustration? oh, maker, he could have just asked instead of making you feel like brat.
However, you won’t deny him a little bit of pleasure, not when you’re also extremely horny and dripping wet between your thighs.
“Come on, pretty girl, you know what to do” Luke says, impatient to feel your touch, stepping closer until his crotch is almost rubbing against your face.
And of course you know, you’re no stranger to any of that, so you get to work, looking up at him with big doe eyes while running your hands up his thighs and abdomen, pushing the belt out of the way and moving his black robes aside.
Finally, when you pull down his pants and underwear, his hard cock springs out, swollen, leaking pre cum, and begging for attention.
You take his fat length in your hands, feeling how heavy it is, pumping it a few times before licking the pink tip, earning a soft moan from him that sounds like music to your ears.
But Luke is not in the mood for teasing, he wants more, so he bucks his hips forward, urging you to take him in your mouth. And you comply, doing exactly what he wants, sliding that big cock past your lips, inch by inch, until he’s buried all the way down to the base inside that pretty little mouth of yours.
Then you start moving, up and down in a steady pace, trying your best not to gag when he hits the back of your throat.
“Fuck yeah, just like that” Luke hisses, almost whimpering, grabbing a fistful of your hair to keep the rhythm.
A moan escapes from you, sending vibrations to his sensitive cock, and you can feel your slickness soaking your panties, practically humping the air, desperate for some friction.
You need attention too, and Luke knows it, so he uses the force to rub your clit in circular motions, torturously slow, sending waves of pleasure through your body, but not enough to make you cum, he wants to do that himself.
Tears fill your eyes when you take him as deep as you can, too lost in the moment to care about breathing, wanting nothing more than make him feel good.
And seeing you just like that, crying from the stimulation and his cock stuffed in your mouth, has Luke going absolutely crazy, on the verge of an orgasm.
He thrusts hard a few times, fucking your throat, soon finding his own release, a deep groan rumbling out of his chest as he spills inside your mouth, feeling him twitch while you milk him dry, making sure that not a single drop of his hot sticky seed is wasted.
Once he has rode out that euphoric sensation, you let his cock out of your mouth, finally catching a breath, cleaning the spit running down your lips and whining when he suddenly stops working on your clit.
For a moment you think that maybe he’ll leave you there, frustrated, and then go back to his duties as a jedi master. But what you don’t know is that he’s still hearing your thoughts, smirking at the fact that you’re so damn needy, and so so good for him, always willing to do anything.
“I’m not that mean, baby” Luke says, reaching down to put two fingers under your chin, forcing you to look directly at his pretty blue eyes. “Now lay down and spread those legs, cause i’m not done with you just yet…”
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(Dumb idea that struck me in the shower while recovering from the flu. It may be the medicine talking but her goes nothing)
Context: single player, female Tav at camp
Tav, looking up at the stars: You want to know something?
Astarion, who for the last hour has been trying to meditate: If it would get you to shut up, fine.
Tav, lays down: A lot of people think Paladins are goodie two shoes. I've seen my master slaughter an innocent woman and her children just because they went against the church.
Astarion, sits up, sighing: You've got my attention.
Tav: My master was a by the book sort of person, never questioning why he had to do something, just did.
Astarion: And yet here you are, being a goodie two shoes.
Tav, sits back up and faces him: That's the thing. I'm human, young, and rather silly in my beliefs. My Devotion isn't towards a god persay... its... it's silly really.
Astarion, rolls eyes: If you're going to leave it off like that, I'm going back to meditate.
Tav: Fuck you, let me continue. Devotion to one's God is good, but I've seen Devotion devoid of humanity. It's horrible. In fact, the only time I saw him wince was when I said I never wanted to be like him. That's what lead me back to Bauldar's Gate.
Tav, reminiscing: I remember, the first time I got back there. I visited my old orphanage. I was moved from there when I was around five or so, but I knew most of the places that still are open. I knew my mom was a local whore down the street. She dumped me at the orphanage so she could get back to being a show girl. Nothing to it though, she wondered out of my life, married someone, and is probably dead by now.
Astarion: a bit dark.
Tav: I know. My favorite memory was around midwinter, I happened to be out late one night because the water froze. I waddled out into the cold and almost fell in to the small well we had. Would have died if I hadn't seen something floating down in it. A small white thing, down at the bottom. Care to guess what it was.
Astarion, losing interest: What?
Tav: A small white fluffball of a bat.
Astarion, visibly shaken, but doesn't turn to show off his face: oh?
Tav: Cute thing too. I used all my strength to pull it and the bucket of ice out of the well. After pulling it out of the well, I could tell it was in rough shape, so I shoved it between my clothes and my skin and waddled back inside. I think it got warm enough to get scared because it bit me a bit. *moves shirt down to show scars of small claw marks disappearing below the collarbone*
Astarion, turns: Yikes. That must have hurt.
Tav, shrugs: Yeah, but I caught it again and gave it a stern talking to. I nursed that bat for a few days and let it go. It only would feed on blood, so I caught some mice in the back alleys and let it eat. It was really skittish, wouldn't come out in the sun, didn't like harsh smells, though that wasn't easy to deal with when there's about 10 kids per room, and it didn't like the younger kids. I let it go at night after a few days, but it was so cold I couldn't stay out for long.
Astarion: what has that have to do with you being a Devotion Paladin?
Tav, finally laying down: where else does Devotion come from, but love and compassion for others?
Astarion, confused: That makes no fucking sense!
Tav, sleepy: I miss him, and I channel that feeling into my conversations. Love, compassion, and the knowledge that one day, it will all go away. I'll have the memories, or- *yawn*- someone else will, and that's what matters.
#bg3 paladin#bg3 astarion#bg3#bg3 tav#bg3 bat astarion#bg3 fan conversation#semi based on a few stories about my dad living on a farm and fishing out small animals and frogs from the well house and the farm well
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Vision Quest Liveblog
Another peaceful forest shot... oh okay Leo is hunting a dear. Guess we're in Mirkwood now.
YEAH SWEETIE YOUR LEG IS STILL HEALING BE CAREFUL WITH THOSE LANDINGS
Oh shit was I right? Mirkwood, magic deer?
Oh it's charging IT FUCKED HIM UP OH SHIT THIS DEER GOT HANDS- HOOVES, I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL
AND ALL LEO HAS IS A "Huh" AND A CUTE FACE?!?!?!
TEACHER RAPH TEACHER RAPH why'd you gotta do those moves first? Was it a warmup thing or just for the dramatic effect?
WH- WHY IS DONNIE STANCED LIKE THAT DID THEY FORGET TO ANIMATE HIM
Kick Casey in the face April DO IT
SHE DID IT HA I love Casey but it was funny
DONNIE STOP IT YOU TWO ARE FRIENDS NOW REMEMBER?!?!?!? STOP CACKLING AT HIM LIKE THAT
YEAH LEO JUST GOT FUCKED UP BY A FUCKING DEER- HE THINKS THIS IS BECAUSE HE SPENDS TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS PHONE AND EATING CHIPS?!?!?!?!? LEO HONEY NO THAT DEEP WAS PROBABLY RABID OR SOME SHIT
Donnie, are you really advocating for Leo's plan here? Or are you just pointing out that Splinter had a similar idea once for accuracy's sake?
"What are we, hippies?!" I'm with Raph this is a bad idea
3 DAYS?!?!?!?!?!
Leo did take one too many kicks to the head, you're exactly right Casey.
NINJA'S ONLY?!?!?!? LEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Casey, April didn' seem to love the shoulder-hug "stuck together" thi- PFFFFFFFT WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH DONNIE'S EYES HE LOOKS SO PATHETIC LIKE A WET KITTEN AND HSI OICE WAS SO SMALL AND SAD PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
ICE CREAM KITTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OH SHE'S SO CUTE AND SWEET I LOVE HER
DONNIE FOR FUCK'S SAKE APRIL AND CASEY ARE NOT FUCKING STOP IMPLYING THAT THEY ARE GOD WHY
Leo babe. This is the trauma talking, not a spiritual realization.
UHG NO BURP SOUNDS NO MY HATRED
Ah yes. Treetop meditating. The classic refinement method. Leo's making this up as he goes, I know it.
Mikey I dunno if Being A Squirrel makes you spiritually refined but you do you I guess- oop there's tat squirrel phobia rearing it's head.
Rock carrying????? Yeah Leo's winging this
This music is so peppy!
Oh god Raph knows how to start fires now, we're all doomed
Two Donnie close-up focus shots in a row? Well, I know who's getting in trouble later now.
BLACK HOLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?
I dunno about Magic Deer Le- oh, I stand corrected, there's a Deer Fae watching them.
PFFFFFT INSTA DEATH ATTACKS- OH FUCK DONNIE HIT RAPH AND DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE OH RAPH'S GOT X EYES WHERE DID DONNIE HIT HIM OH GOD
DONNIE CHILL THE FUCK OUT YOU KEEP WOUNDING YOUR BROTHERS SHEESH
Yeah Mikey, it ran away. BECAUSE YOU ALL ATTACKED IT
BLUE FIRE- SPLINTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh he a force ghost okay
Yeah it ran away BECAUSE YOU ALL ATTACKED IT
Sad boys hours
Blue fi-SPLINTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH HE A FORCE GHOST NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Won't stand a chance against The Shre- Splinter I think Shredder isn't the main concern right now MAYBE IT'S THE ALIENS ACTUALLY
Um, Splinter? If you downplay disability as Just Mental again I'll finish you off. I know that's not what he meant but that's what he said by accident.
Journey out alo- they ARE training to be Jedi! They're gonna find Darth Vader in a cave!
"Raph, you've got anger issues. Mikey, you've got ADHD. Donnie, you're autistic. Leo, you've got Older Sister Syndrome. This can all be fixed by Being Outside. Yes I am indeed a Boomer/Gen X (IDK which) parent, how can you tell?"
Oh no it can be fixed by sleeping, okay- IF THEY DIE IN THE GAME THEY DIE IN REAL LIFE
THEY'RE FORGING SHIT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! FUCKIN' DWARVES NOW?!?!?!?! YOU'RE IN THE HALLS OF EREBOR NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
RAPH HAS FLAMETHROWER CLAWS NOW OH SHIT WAIT HOW DID THEY- WHERE DID THEY GET THE METAL- WHAT IS- HUH?!?!?!?!?!
DONNIE HAS A FUCKING AXEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHAT THE FUCK AND A MASK OH HE'S SO FUCKING JEALOUS OF CASEY
Oh look Mikey actually MADE ARMOR PIECES but again WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY GET THE METAL
Andddd Leo is Legolas now.
Oh wow Raph's cheek bits on the new mask look dumb
Hey wait, Donnie's gonna be all fucked up now with the axe though because it throws off the weight balance. Of all of the new weapons, his makes the lease sense for his skillset.
Oh my poor Limping Leo- MAGIC DEER
BRIDGE?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Shit I think Leo stumbled onto Goatman's Bridge actually
Oh nevermind it's the one The Five fought Tai Lung on in Kung Fu Panda
God Raph looks so fucking dumb- finding a hidden pirate ship? Honey you set out for a spiritual journey, not an Oblivion DLC.
Donnie GPS wouldn't help you on a mountain anyway, there's no signal. Unless it's a pre-loaded thing I guess, he probably takes that into account.
Pffffff he understood that instantly "YOU'RE GONNA- oh wait you guys are ghosts, right."
Pfffffff poor Donnie, always right about the worst things
Oooooh Mikey looks so cuteeeeeeee
You can't do this all day though, Leo, because you only have so many arrows- ooh there goes the bridge, damn this really is the one from Kung Fu Panda
TAKE THEM SPIRIT WORLD BITCHES OUT MIKEY YES- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT THIS BITCH RAHZAR IS BACK FUCK OFF- OH HIS LINES GOT COOL
Raph WHEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DID YOU GET THE FLAMETHROWERS AND HOW DID YOU MAKE THEM AND WHY IS THIS ALLOWED ON THE SPIRIT QUEST
AH IT'S FISHFACE
So who's Donnie gonna get then? HE'S FUCKING AXE THEM IN THE CHEST AND THEY DIDN'T TURN INTO POOF CLOUDS LIKE LEO'S DID WHAT THE FUCK
HE HIT THE MOUNTAIN SO HARD IT BROKE PIECES OFF HOW FUCKING STRONG ARE THESE TURTLES DUDE
OH SHIT DONNIE GETS TIGERCLAW OH HE FUCKED HIM UP- pfffft "Does that feel real to you?" "Absolutely."
Hiiiii Shredder, fuck off now- OH HE'S SHAMING LEO FOR BEING DISABLED I MUST KILL
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MIKEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Oh wow Donnie just really into Mountain Breaking today, huh?
RAPH'S GONNA FUCKING DROWN SHIT- oh good he's out of the water
LEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Is Mikey gonna be the first to master his spiritual stuff? Oh Ice Cream kitty interrupting his thoughts, god relatable I am thinking about my cats 24/7
Mikey's discovering Hyperfixation Mode HE FUCKING DESTROYED HIM WHOOOOOOOO
OH DONNIE NO SWEETHEART- OH TIGERCLAW SPIRIT YOU BITCH
Donnie needs to use the mask to feel unmovable and stand his ground, huh? Perhaps... because when he thinks of those traits, he thinks of Casey? Hmm?
PFFFFFFFF "YOU WILL FALL" OKAY MEGATRON FROM G1
HE DID IT HE THREW HIM OFF Shit and then watched him go down, I wonder if he was expressionless behind the mask or if he was grinning really widely. ... I wanna believe he was grinning.
RAPH SERIOUSLY WHERE AND HOW AND WHEN AND WHAT ARE THESE FLAMING CLAW THINGS WHAT THE FUCK DUDE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU ACTUALLY MAKE THESE YOURSELF?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Well Fishface was easy
YEAH SHREDDER THAT'S HOW BEING WOUNDED WORKS FUCKFACE
LEO YOU CAN JUST ADAPT YOUR STYLE- NO CLIPPING DEER?!??!?!?!?!? FLOATING DEER?!?!?!?!?!!? WE'RE IN SKYRIM NOW?!?!?!?!?!??!?!
OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE THEY REALLY DID THE "IT'S JUST AN EXCUSE" BULLSHIT I NEED TO PUMMEL EACH INDIVIDUAL WRITER OF THIS SHOW AND SEE IF THEY THINK PAIN IS AN EXCUSE AT THE END OF IT
FUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK THIS
THE DEER WENT INTO LEO'S BRAIN WHAT
HE WALKED ON THE BLADE PART HIS FEET
OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ARROW IN THE EYEBALL SHIT OW OW OW HATE IT
Doesn't he decapitate Shredder later?
Pfffff Casey and April have been learning how to break boards, meanwhile everyone else got Brand New Action Figure Designs IIIIIII men uhhhh spiritual clarity
Yeah Casey, dumbfounded is right, these guys got intense in those 3 days, shit
Going back to New Yo- baby this whole episode was about Nature and Spiritualism, going back to New York is the last place for either of those things to exist
Also Casey better say something about Donnie's mask in the next few episodes, I need it acknowledged, I need confirmation that Donnie made it because either consciously or subconsciously he associates Immovability and Mountain-Like Strength with Casey "Knocks out a giant mutant rat with his bare fists and fights mutant with nothing but hockey gear" Jones
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KDA 22: The Right Questions
Kalrick had begun compiling a laundry list of things that weren't adding up. Things that didn't quite make sense, or couldn't remember, or just felt weird. Somehow, the question of what he was doing before the possession took place, slipped his mind.
"You asked me why I allowed a demonic in me," Kalrick started.
"Yes," Randle answered. "I didn't mean for it to sound like that, but I do still want to know-"
"Yeah I don't give a shit about that."
He blinked in surprise.
"What I mean is, what was I working on before the event happened? You seem to know more than I do about it, even though you thought I would want this."
"That's not what I meant, man."
"Ok, sure. But what was I looking for? You said it yourself, it couldn't have happened accidentally. What was I looking for that led up to this?"
"I don't remember that well either," He rubbed his arm. "It's been a long time since then."
"Bullshit," he scoffed. "That's not what you've been insinuating."
"Look, I just don't want to open up old problems when we could just move on and focus on the now."
"We had a fight, didn't we."
Randle looked down, still holding his arm.
"I don't care about the fight, you don't even need to tell me what it was about, just tell me what the hell we were looking for."
"Do you promise not to ask about what we fought about?"
"Yeah, whatever, I won't."
"Uhg, I'm being for real, Kal! I literally do not want to get into it."
"Yes, I promise I won't ask about what the fight was." He rolled his eyes. "As long as it doesn't have anything to do with what I was looking for."
"It doesn't, I swear. It's just really embarrassing and I'd rather die than bring it up."
"Then get to it."
"Fine. You were looking into finding someone you used to talk to. You said the demonic were the only ones who could help you, and needed to find something from a long time ago."
"Find something?"
"You didn't know what it was, that's why you were looking for it. You said you'd recognize it when you found it, and that you met him before. I don't know who or what you were looking for, but you were very determined you'd find it."
"Ok, so I'm gathering you stopped looking with me because of a fight, but did I find it?"
"You said you wouldn't ask!"
"I'm not! It doesn't matter what it was about, it was probably dumb anyway. I just want to know if I found anything relating to what I was looking for."
"I don't know, man. We fought before I could find anything useful. I wasn't much use anyway, I mostly just found books or research, and you'd tell me if it was useless or helpful."
"And did this happen really suddenly, like one day I'm researching, the next I'm picking a fight for no reason and telling you to stop helping me?"
He narrowed his eyes. "I thought you said you didn't remember."
You fucking moron.
Was what he wanted to say. He bit his tongue to hold back the rage filled comment.
"And you don't think," Kalrick said as calmly as possible. "That maybe it was a little too coincidental? Of, I don't know, the topic I was researching and suddenly I'm acting wildly out of character?"
"I'm sorry if demonic possession isn't the first conclusion I come up with. Even most possession is solved with a basic cleansing, meditation, and some visualization. And I did try to help you, but it was a little difficult when you told me to fuck off."
"Just," He shook his head, trying not to think about all the things making him angry. "What stuff was I looking at? This feels really important."
"It's probably still here in your room. I think it's the stuff on the desk."
"Why didn't you think to tell me this earlier?"
"I mean, it didn't go that great when we went out for coffee."
That was different. Randle also insinuated he allowed this to happen on his own free will, as if he wanted this all to happen. Whatever.
"Alright. Let's just get every book I have and start sorting. Maybe you can go see if 5K wants to help now that he's smoked?"
"Can he even read?"
"Why don't you ask him and find out?"
Randle shot him a cynical look back.
"He passed high school, so it's safe to assume he can."
"You worked customer service, Kal. You and I both know the dumbest people alive can graduate."
"Just go get him."
With a reluctant sigh, he left to collect 5K. Kalrick gathered the books, papers, and anything that could be of use and displayed them in a large pile on the ground. Useful, not useful. He didn't need a maybe pile, he'd be able to tell just by looking.
The other two returned and he directed his organization. 5K of course, didn't know anything about demonolatry and explaining "you'll just feel it", didn't seem to go through. 5K ended up just holding whatever he picked up and pretending to flip through, before passing it to Kalrick.
He opened the grimior and listed the most important questions he could think of.
Where did the money come from
Who is the sigil
What is Valery not saying
What is mom hiding
Why is everyone too helpful
Randle raised an eyebrow at the last one listed. "What do you mean by that one. No one has found what you're looking for."
"Everyone's too nice." Kalrick mumbled. "They're all looking at me funny."
"I'm not."
Kalrick said nothing, and continued to peruse the books. A lot of them were about connecting and working with the demonic. Some of them were self-help books, which seemed a bit out of place. A few were about grounding techniques, while others were the opposite and about leaving the body to connect with mental and spiritual.
"Ohhhh," 5K exclaimed. "Look who's a bad boy." He held up a pink slip of paper.
"What is that?" Randle asked.
"Oh," Kalrick recognized it. "It's a pink slip. At our elementary it was like a warning level before having to get sent home for being bad. If you get too many you got suspended, but mine never got that bad."
"Mine did once," 5K reminisced. "Kept pop, pop, popping plastic water bottles and someone thought it was a gunshot and we had to drill. When they found out it was me, it was like week of suspension."
"I think I remember that. I didn't know it was you though, I thought that was Brandon. We didn't start hanging out till, what, high school?."
"I am Brandon. For some reason I forget you even attended the same school as me before high school. I don't ever remember seeing you."
"I honestly forgot you had a real name, but I also don't remember a lot growing up. It's really blurry. Apparently I was busy," He paused, reading the pink slip in 5K's hand. "Passing notes in class when repeatably told not to."
He frowned. The fact it was in his apartment and not left at home with his mom meant something. It sparked a familiar idea, but just couldn't get it burning enough. He needed more kindling to understand yet another thing that didn't make sense.
"What?" Randle asked. "That's pretty basic to get caught with."
"Who was I passing notes to?"
"Is it important?"
"I think it is. It's with the rest of this stuff, and I didn't have any friends in grade school. So who was I talking to?"
"It could've been anyone, man. It's been over a decade."
"No," Kalrick shook his head. "This feels important, and I know for sure I wasn't talking to anyone back then. I was very isolated."
"Easy to get into weird shit when you're lonely." 5K remarked. "Or the wrong kind of shit."
"Couldn't agree more." Kalrick nodded. "And this for sure has something to do with what I'm looking for."
He took the slip and put it in his bag. It was extra important.
"Leaving?" 5K asked.
"No, I'm keeping it for later though," He stopped to look at the time. "Shit, I actually should leave before my mom finishes dinner and sees I'm gone."
"Mommy issues over here." He teased.
"As if you don't." He rebounded. "Didn't you move out and in with me because your mom?"
He raised his tremoring hands as if to say you got me. "Yeah, she was stressing me out by spending the rent money on drugs, then I end up with the same problem. You left for the same reason. Couldn't stop fighting with your mom."
"When has he never not been constantly fighting with her?" Randle chimed in.
He was right. He couldn't remember the last time they hadn't had something to argue about. But both of them got over it pretty fast, typically.
"Whatever," Kalrick strapped his backpack on, and readied himself for the exhaustion of teleportation. "Let's pick this up later or else I'll never be allowed to leave the house again."
He left his friends in the building and made his way to the front doorway. It felt easier somehow, as if it were a better angle. Eyes closed, he envisioned the entrance to the dirt road, and sent himself on the way.
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Burning Bright
Chapter 3
Series- My Hero Academia
Pairings- Katsuki Bakugo/Original Female Charater. Eijiro Kirishima/Original Female Charater.
Current word count- 5704
Content Warnings- Graphic Depictions of Violence
“You really wanna know!? YOU REALLY WANNA FUCKING KNOW!?” Katsuki screaming at them, they nod their heads quickly. “CAUSE SHE IS FUCKING MINE DAMMIT!!” everyone looking on in shock then all their eyes shift to Yuka. With all eyes on her she attempts to hide behind Kaida, even though she is quite a bit taller than her and you’d never think their dorms could be this quiet.
Kaida freezes and puts her arms out to shield Yuka. “Heyyyyy let’s just uh. Get on with dinner!” She shuffles herself and Yuka to the kitchen, quickly ducking inside and away from the crowd.
Yuka awkwardly smiling, “T-thank you Kaida, I wish I knew why I got so nervous when I know I’m being stared at or watched.. not very heroic of me is it?” sighing with a quiet laugh, grabbing their plate of food and finding a place to sit. “I def owe you one, whatever you want!”
“It’s just a little bit of anxiety, you’re all good! You don’t owe me. It’s what friends do!” Kaida gives her a wide smile, “Maybe you just need to be like, a secretive hero like Mr. Aizawa!”
“Well I still feel like I want to do something nice for you so if there is anything you think of that you want just let me know Okies! And that is a good idea but I do want to get better about my anxieties, I just don’t know how..” Yuka thinking heavily on any ideas to help her poor nervous brain.
“Oh! We can meditate together! That always helps me when my anxiety acts up! My mom taught me when I was little.” Kaida smiles at the memory of her mom.
“That does sound nice! I will need a way to help my confidence as well but maybe I can find a way to leach it off of Katsuki-kun!” Laughing at her dumb joke.
Kirishima joining in on the laughter, “I’d be careful, that's a dangerous level of confidence.”
“Maybe if he shared it it would level out.” Kaida giggles as she grabs herself a portion of food and takes a bite of the curry.
Katsuki finally rejoining them, plopping aggressively next to Yuka, quietly eating.
Yuka trying not to laugh at the near irony if he heard what they were talking about, but unable to hold it in and a giggle escapes her mouth.
“What are you two laughing about?” His voice calming down, which is surprising after all that yelling.
“Just wishing we had your confidence Katsuki.” Kaida smiles and leans against the counter, taking another bite of her food.
“My confidence is pretty amazing, and one day hopefully lead me to being the #1 hero!” His energy seemingly boundless as he gets another wave of energy.
Kaida cheers for him, lifting a fist in the air, “I believe in you! You just gotta beat Endeavor first, and I’m so down to help.” She snickers at the thought of fighting Endeavor.
“Oh I’m ready for that and I’ll be sure that bitch won’t stand a chance! This is making me want to train or fight villains, feeling all fired up!” Standing up quickly, he can feel his blood boiling.
“Hate to disappoint but it’s a lil too late right now though, but there’s always tomorrow?” Yuka hoping she didn’t rain on anyone’s parade.
“As much as I would love a good fight, Yuka is right. And after the last time we got into a fight outside the dorms I don’t want detention again.” Kaida sighs before taking another bite of food. “Fucking detention…”
Katsuki growls in agreement, “Tch… nothing even bad happened.. it wasn’t a big deal..” sitting back down.
“I know! But Vlad seemed to think otherwise.” Kaida pouts and crosses her arms.
Yuka and Katsuki finishing up their food, “What’s funny is Aizawa almost took it easy on us with me and Deku for our fight and that was waaay worse! To be fair All Might did have our back though..” Katsuki thinks for a second, “regardless, Vlad needs to pull the stick out of his ass!” Scoffing at class B’s teacher.
“Tell me about it! I don’t understand why he’s so bitchy about class A. It’s not a competition. I mean it kinda is but he takes it a step higher than it needs to be.” Kaida groans at her teacher's actions. “It’s too much to deal with honestly.”
“I mean it makes sense though” Yuka shrugs, “I graduated with class A and the vibes with class A is we already made it and have nothing to prove and our teachers wanting to lay the proper foundation for us to keep up and to continue to grow into the heroes we wish, where any class under A like B or C they feel like they need to prove something and to try to outdo class A and to help try to keep up with class A even if it may be a lot to push you all that hard.” Yuka looks at them, “don’t get me wrong def prefer class A because of that but it makes a lil sense yea?” Slinking down hoping she didn’t speak out of turn.
“Class B isn’t lower than class A. I can def agree that class A is better. I mean. Look at Monoma compared to everyone in Class A, but we don’t have anything to prove. The classes were supposed to be equal but split because there’s so many students in the hero course! You can’t stick what? 60 of us in one classroom. But class A got so much more experience with the LOV than my class did and Vlad wants to prove that we have nothing to prove against class A if that makes sense? I don’t know… I hate when people say my class is worse… it makes me feel like shit.” Kaida sighs with her tangent, looking down to the floor. “We may not have as much experience but we aren’t the lower of the two classes…”
Yuka hides her face in her hands, “I wasn’t meaning it that you guys are lower, just trying to analyze things from the teacher’s perspectives… I’m sorry..” heavily placing her head on the table with a thud.
“I want to become stronger because everyone thinks class B is weak. But I’m not weak…” Kaida balls her hands into fists and sighs.
“You're right. You aren’t weak. You’ve come so far since we started at UA and you’re so strong!” Kirishima takes her hand in his with a wide smile, reassuring her of her strengths.
“You have me now too and I’ll help in any way I can!” Yuka having a bright smile, “I’m sure it’d be harder by yourself, but luckily you have us!”
Kaida smiles back at them, “I’m not aiming to be #1 but I’ll be damned if I’m not high in the ranks! I’ll leave #1 for Dynamight.”
“Damn right!” Katsuki says beaming, then getting close to Yuka’s face. “And what did I say about apologizing when you have done nothing wrong!”
Yuka’s face gets bright red, “hey I said I’d try and that I’d probably still be stuck with this stupid habit! I did say no promises!”
Kirishima turning to Kaida, “what time do you have to leave tonight, I know you almost got in trouble last night.. the fun consumed us and lost track of time” chuckling remembering last night, “I don’t want to be the reason you get in trouble.”
“Well, since today is a Saturday, curfew is later than last night. So I should be good for a few hours!” Kaida pulls her phone from her uniform pocket to check the time, nodding as she sees the time. “I just want to change out of my uniform first, it isn’t exactly the most comfortable.”
Yuka nodding in agreement, “I will say I don’t miss having to wear a uniform”
“We will probably do the same, nothing could beat our regular clothes.” Kirishima also in agreement.
“Cool, I’ll be back soon! Yuka, would you like to come with me? You could see my room!” Kaida bounces excitedly at the thought of Yuka joining her on her little adventure.
“Sure I don’t mind!” Yuka noticing Katsuki looking a little upset, “I be right back.. promise..” giving him a little pout.
“Tch…fiiine, you better not take too long Kaida!” His impatience being a little too obvious.
“I promise it won’t be long! Come on!” Kaida excitedly grabs Yuka’s hand and leads her out of the dorm. “Are you ok with flying again?”
“I want to hope it will be fiiiine..” Yuka sounding hesitant, “it will make things faster so don’t worry about me.” Putting on a smile to hide her worry about if she will get motion sick or not.
Kaida takes both of Yuka’s hands in her own before lifting them off of the ground carefully. “Nice and easy.” She smiles at Yuka as she pulls them higher into the sky, leading them towards her dorm room balcony. As they reach the balcony Kaida brings them down to land softly.
“Wooo I didn’t get motion sick!” Jokingly celebrating.
“I try my best to have smooth sailing when others are with me.” Kaida giggles as she slides open the balcony door, letting them both inside.
The walls are decorated in Midnight posters, a figurine of the Hero sitting hear the base of the poster on her desk, and anime posters. Her bed is covered in pillows, stuffed animals, and blankets of various shades of blue and red. Kaida moves quickly towards her closet, pulling out a large Crimson Riot hoodie and black leggings. Setting her clothes on her bed, she turns to her desk, picking up a contacts container and carefully taking the contacts from her eyes and placing them inside. As she places her glasses on her face she turns to Yuka sheepishly.
“Are you ok if I change in front of you? If it’s not weird or anything. I can go to the bathroom, I just don’t want anyone in my class to bother me.”
Yuka sitting on the edge of the bed, “I don’t mind we both have changed in front of other girls, it’s nothing new” waving her worries off hopefully.
Kaida nods before quickly changing her clothes, slipping a pair of blue crew socks over her leggings and grabbing a pair of boots. “Alright. Ready to fly again?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.. trying my best to get used to it..” preparing to brace herself.
“You get used to it. It took Kirishima awhile. And now he’s a pro. Kinda.” Kaida giggles at the memories of her at Kirishima flying for the first time. And him throwing up.
“I hope so, I’m decent when I’m in control but when others move me sometimes my stomach hates that” shrugging, “hopefully it won’t always be that way” sounding positive that things will be fine.
“That’s kinda why I’ve been working on that part of my quirk specifically. I would like to hope I can use it like Ochako uses her zero gravity quirk. But as you’ve noticed it’s not quite the same.” Kaida explains as she walks back to the balcony while slipping her boots on. “Ready?” She takes Yuka’s hands in her own again with a smile, Yuka nodding ready for them to take off again into the sky.
“The sooner we are back.. the sooner we can be with our bois..” blushing at the fact she said that out loud, but really looking forward to more time with Katsuki.
“I may tease a lot but I do mean what I said. You guys are cute together. It makes me happy to see him happy. We may bicker a lot but he is my friend and I want to see him happy.” Kaida smiles and lifts them off the balcony, heading back towards class A dorms.
“I understand that, I do hope things work out for you too and I’m always here if you need someone to talk to..” Yuka hugging her as they float through the air.
Kaida giggles and hugs her back as she lands them on the ground outside the door. “Kirishima has been an amazing support system for me over the years and I don't know what I would do without him… I’m kinda scared that if I wait any longer he’ll leave me but if I progress our relationship it’ll hurt more when he does…”
“Honestly, I don't think he is going anywhere.. after what Katsuki said to you and you ran off, Kirishima explained how he is waiting for you and with his expression it looked like he’d wait until the end of time for you..” Yuka putting a hand on her shoulder, nodding, feeling sure of what she saw.
As Kaida gets ready to respond a scream leaves her mouth as the door slams open, and a screaming Denki runs past them, followed by a pissed off Katsuki. Yuka watching with a stunned face.
“WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING DUNCEFACE!?”
Yuka laughing that they still have so much energy, as they run by them she grabs Katsuki’s wrist, stopping him in his tracks. “How are you guys still going!?”
“HOW IS HE STILL A DUMBASS?!” Katsuki wishes he could go after him.
Kaida giggles as she watches Denki run. “What’d he say this time?”
“HE SAID I WAS MAKING IT UP!? WITH HOW SHE IS MINE!? Tch… that someone wouldn’t have the patience to deal with me..” even though he knows Denki was just poking fun, Katsuki feeling pretty pissed, and if it wasn’t for Yuka holding onto him he would be trying to pummel Denki right now.
“Now I want to kick his ass.” Kaida mumbles before walking inside the dorm while fiddling with the hair ties in her hair, pulling them out of the ponytails with a sigh. “NOW WHO’S READY TO GET THEIR ASS KICKED IN VIDEO GAMES AGAIN!?” She yells as she walks into the common area, excited shouts come from the group of students sitting on the couch. Kirishima picks her up from behind with an excited yell and trots towards the couches, laughter coming from them both.
Yuka lightly tugs on Katsuki, “Why not take a break.. You can always get Denki later, I mean he isn’t going anywhere~” Giggling leaning into his ear to whisper, “Maybe I can help get even with him for you later~”
“Tch… fine..” Katsuki and Yuka walking in, with her on his arm. “I hope if you do get him that.. maybe just maybe.. he will learn a lesson!” with a manic smirk on his face, as they find a couch to sit on together in the dorm's living room.
Yuka whispering in Katsuki’s ear until interrupted by Denki squeezing between them, leaning on the back of the couch. Yuka sighing starting to get more annoyed. “Soooo how much did you pay for this little stunt~”
Katsuki opened his mouth and was about to scream again, but Yuka beat him to the punch this time. “Excuse…me.. what did you just say…” her voice sounding calm yet sinister while gritting her teeth, trying to keep her breathing steady.
“Ummm you know… cause it’s Kacchan we are talking about… him having a girlfriend? Kind of feels like something impossible to happen?” Denki’s voice sounding a bit nervous now as he backs up slowly.
Yuka gets up and hops over the back of the couch towards Denki, and Katsuki watching with amusement. “ It's one thing if people target me, I don’t really care.. like how you pulled me around and tried to make me the center of attention. It's whatever and my nervousness will kick in… but you mess with someone I care about, then that kinda… makes me feel an anger bubble up inside me…” Denki tries to take another step back but finding himself unable to move, looking up seeing her eyes locked to his. Denki getting a chill down his spine, her eyes feeling like they were looking right through him.
“I’m s-sorry.. I wasn’t meaning to get too carried away…” Denki can feel himself sweating heavily. “H-how bout this, you do something to prove that you two are together… and then I will never question you guys ever again..”
“I don’t think you are in a situation where you can negotiate..” Chuckling at the thought, “you know what fine.. I’ll hear you out.. What’s your idea?”
Kaida peaks over the couch at the commotion, raising a brow as she watches, “what kind of dumb shit did he say now…” She mumbles to herself.
Yuka turns to Kaida, “He suggested Katsuki is paying me to look as his girlfriend.. But he claims that he will back off if I prove our relationship real somehow..” then looking back at Denki, “Well what is it?”
Releasing her quirk off of him, Denki slumping down to his knees with a deep breath. “Hmmm how about a kiss~?” He hops back up somehow recovering from the fear he felt two seconds ago rather quickly.
“You really have no brain cells.” Kaida groans and turns back to the tv, waiting for someone to boot up a video game for them to play.
“I don’t think he’ll ever learn.” Kirishima chuckles from beside her as he hands her a controller.
Mina laughs as she sets everything up for everyone, “And if he does he only has one!”
Yuka gives a blank stare to Denki, “That’s it? Really?”
Denki nods, “Yup that’s it!”
Yuka sighs as she walks back up to Katsuki and despite her calm and confident demeanor, her internal panic was screaming. ‘Oh my god! We’ve only kissed once before! What if I look like a fucking idiot or he hates it!’ She takes a deep breath and looks down at Katsuki who is still sitting on the couch.
“You know you don’t have to do as he says or prove anything to him..” Kastuki glares at Denki only for a second, that’s when Denki knew he was going to have to watch his back from now on and letting out an audible gulp.
Yuka softly places her hand on Katsuki’s jawline, “I know I don’t..” then whispers to where only he could hear, “But maybe I want to show the world that you're mine..” as she presses her lips to his, both of them trying to hide their embarrassment as best they can.
Kaida whistles as she sees them kiss, smiling wide as she turns to Kirishima. “They are so cute together, I’m glad Katsuki found someone to make him happy.” Kaida gasps and places her hands on Kirishima’s shoulders. “Dude we can go on double dates now!”
“If you think you and Bakugo can be around each other without fighting for the length of a date I’m sure it’d be fun.” Kirishima chuckles at her.
Denki watched them inquisitively, “well a deal is a deal!” He shrugs, “but now that I think about it… you two do fit each other~” laughing at his own observation.
They separate from their kiss, “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN!?” Katsuki already fed up with Denki again.
“I mean at first she seemed sooooo different from you, but then when I poked just the right spot it became clear that you are both such angy people~” he chuckles running off before they could chase him.
Yuka sits back down next to Katsuki with a heavy sigh hoping Denki will fuck off for the night now, “A double date does sound fun! But I do agree with Kirishima, you two can get under each other’s skin way too easily.”
Katsuki puts an arm resting on the back of the couch to put his arm around Yuka, “I mean I can behave for Yuka’s sake if that’s what she wants to do… it won’t be easy but I’ll try, but that one over there better also behave!” Katsuki slightly glaring at Kaida.
“Hey! I have been nice all night! Even cheering you on to be #1!” Kaida retorts, putting her hands up in surrender. “I can behave.”
“Tch.. the question is how long will it last though..” Katsuki scoffs, he glances over at Yuka accidently getting lost in thought about the whole concept of him going on a date. The whole thought of that almost seemed impossible before and was the furthest from his mind, until she dropped into his life.
“Well even now you’re getting on my nerves and I’m not saying shit to get under your skin.” She mumbles and huffs. Turning to the TV as someone loads up Smash Bros.
“Then why not we try for next week then!” Yuka asks excitedly, turning to Katsuki and Kaida with pleading eyes.
“Sounds good to me!” Kirishima beams with a smile.
Kaida smiles and gasps as she turns to Yuka. “We can get ready together! Like. Like a girl's day before the date!!!” She bounces excited from her place on the floor as she lets out excited squeaks.
Yuka chuckles at her excitement, “don’t be disappointed I don’t really do much when it comes to getting ready, sadly I’m the furthest thing you can consider girly”
Kaida whines “I just want to hang out and get ready together~ we don’t have to do anything girly!” She gives Yuka puppy dog eyes as she lays her head on Yuka’s leg, looking up at her in a slight beg.
Yuka laughs harder, “I didn’t say no! I was just saying to not get disappointed~ I was saying it in a way to assume I’m saying yes, sorry if I confused you thinking I was saying no” patting her head lightly.
Kaida smiles as she gets head pats. “I’m so excited~!” She giggles and sits back down on the floor, smiling up at Kirishima as the game starts.
Katsuki not realizing the soft smile on his face as he watches Yuka beaming at the thought of their double date, and lets out a quiet sigh. “I wonder what we should do?” Yuka thinks to Kaida before they get into their game, “maybe a movie before we go somewhere to eat maybe??”
“Ohhh! Let’s go see a horror movie!” Kaida giggles and selects her character on the screen, obviously choosing Link.
“I’m down! My favs in horror are the creature flicks! Monsters, aliens, unknown phenomena, Vampires and demons are just soooo good to me!” Yuka getting pumped at the idea.
“I’ve been obsessed with IT recently and I can’t really explain why.” Kaida bites her lip as the round begins, trying to focus herself on the game. Yuka looks a little scared at the thought of clowns hoping that there won’t be any clown movies in the theater that day, not saying anything to let her focus on her game.
Katsuki whispering into her ear to where no one else could hear, “hey, while no one is paying attention.” Grabbing her hand as he quietly led her out of the living room, while all their attention was consumed by their game, which helped no one notice them slip from the room.
“Where are we-” Katsuki putting a finger to his mouth telling Yuka shhh, following up to his room on the fourth floor. They enter a room Yuka assumes is his dorm room, and after he shuts the door he pauses and pulls her into his arms.
“Finally I have you all to myself..” Katsuki locking eyes with her, brushing her side swept bangs behind her ear. Yuka can feel her face blushing red and feeling hot, giving him a sweet smile. “After you said you wanted to show the whole world that I was yours.. Had made me feel so impatient that entire time..” Katsuki also slightly blushing as he is still getting used to this, gently putting his thumb across her lips.
Yuka softly bites his thumb, “You have been impatient? I have been waiting years to find you again..” her eyes filled with longing for him.
“Well I’m here now.. Sorry to keep you waiting..” moving his hand to cradle the side of her face, pressing his lips to hers in a deep kiss.
Kaida cheers as she wins another round of the game. As she turns to look behind her for Yuka she pauses in confusion seeing the empty seats of the couch where Yuka and Katsuki were sitting before.
“Has anyone seen Yuka and Kacchan?” She asks as she looks around. Everyone either shaking their heads or giving small ‘no’s as a response.
Kaida hums as she pulls her phone from her hoodie pocket, sending a text to Yuka to see where they may have gone. After sending the text she places her phone back in her pocket and gets back to playing the game on the TV.
Kaida groans in defeat as Kirishima cheers at his triumph. She smiles up at him as he celebrates, even if it was her loss that he’s celebrating. She presses a kiss to his cheek with a smile.
“Maybe you’ll win next time, but I know it’s hard beating me!” He smiles his toothy grin at her.
“You're lucky I love you.” She mumbles as the next round begins.
“I love you too babe.” He whispers into her ear and presses a kiss to her forehead.
Katsuki and Yuka move together towards the bed, still locked in their kiss. Yuka’s phone goes off in her pocket with Kaida wondering where they went, but they are so wrapped up in each other she doesn’t think to check it. He sits on the bed and Yuka in sync with him as he pulls her onto his lap, putting her fingers through his crazy blonde hair. They stop for a brief moment, getting lost in each other as they are just enjoying breathing in each other’s presence. Yuka drops her hands from his hair, wrapping her arms around his neck and laying her head on his shoulder.
“Tired?” Katsuki asks while softly stroking her hair. Yuka gives a quiet nod, “That’s fair considering all the chaos that happened… no thanks to Denki..” Katsuki growls as he lays her down next to him, pulling Yuka in close to him.
“Is it really ok for me to stay the night here though?” Feeling worried she would get him in trouble.
“I don’t know and honestly I don’t care… even if I knew it would get me in trouble, I wasn’t going to let you leave that easily.” He says with a cute smug smirk on his face. Yuka letting out a quiet chuckle as she nuzzles comfortably into his chest as she feels herself falling asleep in his warm embrace.
***
As the sun rises, starting a new day. Yuka gets a cold shiver, reaching out to Katsuki, but sadly only finding empty sheets. She sits up yawning and stretching then slumping into a pout. ‘I need to stop sleeping through him leaving..’ She thinks as she curls back up into the blanket, smelling Katsuki’s comforting scent. Yuka pulling her phone from her pocket, sleepily checking her notifications. She noticed Kaida’s text from last night, feeling bad that her brain ignored her phone going off finally giving her a response.
‘Yuka: OMG I’M SOOOO SORRY!! I JUST SAW YOUR TEXT NOW AND FEEL AWFUL!! >.< and to answer ur question…. Katsuki-kun kinda took me to his room…’
‘Kaida: ohhhhhhh sneaky sneaky ;3c. Ei and I are downstairs making breakfast if you’re hungry?’
Yuka sighs and groans as she rolls out of bed and heads downstairs to Kaida and Kirishima, looking like exhaustion and death, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
Kaida upon seeing Yuka offers her a mug of warm tea. “Good morning Yuka~ how’d you sleep?”
“I mean I slept really well..” Yuka answers while yawning, “but my brain wants to go crawl back into the warm bed though..” taking the tea from Kaida, leaning against the wall lazily. Pulling out her phone texting Aizawa a quick question for later today, then looks back up at Kaida. “Bout to head to the Support class as I need to see someone, you might as well join me since you have been putting it off.”
“Breakfast first?” Kaida holds up a plate of fluffy pancakes and bacon, offering it to Yuka with a smile.
Yuka sighs as she sits down with the plate and tea in hand, setting them on the table. “Fiiiiine… I don’t normally eat a breakfast but I’ll eat what I can.” Slowly eating what she is able off her plate.
“Ei usually makes us protein shakes for breakfast on school days but it’s the weekend so we made breakfast!” Kaida grabs her own plate of food before other students in the dorm make their way into the kitchen for food.
“Makes sense.. you wouldn’t be happy with me then,” Yuka lightly laughs, “I never eat a breakfast unless someone kinda makes me.. I can already imagine Katsuki being mad with that, but thankfully I think he is off training right now so he doesn’t need to know yet.” She nervously chuckles, she feels her phone in her pocket and checks it and gets a big grin on her face, “fuck yes! Well today is gonna be fun!”
Kaida sips on a can of coffee and looks at Yuka confused. “He usually goes for a run in the morning, and why is today gonna be fun? Should I be concerned?”
Yuka’s smirk only grows wider, “naaaah if anything you should be excited! The most I’ll tell you is I’m planning a training exercise for you guys for today and that’s all I’ll say!” Then motioning herself zipping her own lips shut.
Kaida stares at Yuka before turning back to her breakfast and taking a bite of her pancakes.
Yuka thought she’d be more excited than that and looks at Kirishima, “She okies?” Looking at Kaida a little confused.
“She didn’t sleep that good last night.” Kirishima sighs and looks at Kaida as she stares down at her breakfast.
“I had a night Terror about the League of Villains attacking us. We all got really hurt… and I can’t get the images out of my head..” Kaida mumbles and sighs.
Yuka reaches her hand out to hers, “I’m sorry, but if it helps those fuckers got nothing on us and even if they go after one of us, they will be fighting all of us.. no matter what happens we will always have each other’s backs!” Hoping to reassure her the best she can.
Katsuki walks in from being out since early morning with a little personal training as he hears them talk, sitting down next to Yuka. “What the hell happened in here? Why is everyone so serious?”
“It’s nothing.” Kaida smiles and finishes her breakfast. “Just a stupid dream I had last night.”
Yuka looks at her concerned, “I wouldn’t consider a night terror nothing.. I’d be worried too if I had one like that, but we are here for you.” Getting an idea, “how bout we take your mind of it since we do plan to go to the support class lab and we just get ready to go now! A busy mind is a distracted mind!”
“The main thing that worries me is… part of my mom’s quirk is she can see the future in her dreams… And I’m worried that I got that part of her quirk.” Kaida mumbles and stands from her seat. “But let’s go be distracted by the Support lab, Mei is always entertaining.”
“That’s understandable, that would be scary to think about.. and I want to hope as long as we keep it in mind if you do have your mom’s quirk we can keep our guard up more.” Getting up from the table, “we have your back no matter what happens.” Giving her a bright smile.
Katsuki getting more curious, “what do you need with the support class?”
Yuka nods as she explains, “Ever since I’ve gone to school here, I’ve always relied on Power Loader to make my chemicals that I need and I still rely on him now… of course since I’m not a student now I do pay him of course and no one else has ever been able to make them to my specifications before like he can, and chemicals like this can be really tricky.” She chuckles, “I don’t care what anyone else says, Mei can’t touch them… the last thing we need is her blowing up the whole school.” Sighing at the thought, but elbows Katsuki with a smirk on her face. “With this in mind I got something fun for us planned!”
“What?” Katsuki’s eyes narrowing at her.
“Hooooow would you like a small training exercise today~? I got permission from Aizawa and I’ll also not hold back this time, honestly I won’t…” as she motions her fingers to cross her heart.
Katsuki jumps up with a shit ton of energy, “HELL YEA, THEN WHAT ARE WE ALL WAITING AROUND HERE FOR!!” Wanting to practically drag everyone to go do it right now.
“I need to talk to support first to see if they can make something to help me stop burning myself.” Kaida explains to Katsuki, trying to make his patience last longer.
Yuka scruffs up his hair, “And I do need to get my chemicals from Power Loader as well.”
He growls and trying to ignore Yuka’s hand in his hair, “THEN LET’S GO!!” Katsuki already charging ahead, Yuka laughing at his excitement.
Yuka grabbing Kaida’s wrist, pulling her along. “Looks like if we don’t go he may just leave us behind” also feeling giddy, “I can’t blame him though, I’m also looking forward to this as well! Kirishima! Are you coming with us too?” Glancing back at him, trying to catch up to Kastuki.
Kaida looks back at Kirishima who's trying to quickly set things aside and follow behind them, she smiles at him as she gets dragged out the front door of the dorm. “Katsuki slow down!”
“Tch..” begrudgingly slowing down as he grumbles, “then why are you guys such slowpokes…”
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MANGA CH. 284 SPOILERS
OF REDEMPTIONS AND ATONEMENTS:
We all been knew, man. We all knew this was coming.
And godDAMN does it fucking HURT. (oh the sweet sweet angstfest this whole chapter is, just *chef's kiss*)
But i legit cannot put into words how deep the choice to 'Atone' cuts on my bleeding bkdk heart. Let's first take a step back and see how Katsuki went from DvK2 to here- that one keystone moment that has given us this beautiful chapter: And I meant ALLLL the way back to Chap. 252
I have already written a whole-ass post based on this panel, which you can check Here.
TL;DR Katsuki was actually paying real close attention to Endeavour in this part. He came to Endeavour to learn exactly what he was missing as a Hero, but he learnt so much more.
This scene in particular left a momentous impact on Kacchan. Here, Natsuo is resistant to the idea of forgiving his father for all his sins just because he is more involved in their lives now. And Endeavour had been dreaming for a while about a Home where he is not present with the rest of the Todoroki's which ultimately gave him the idea of buying a house for the others to live in apart from him. This is HUGE. This is what actually drove Endeavour's Redemption home- the perfect understanding and the perfect compensation, the two elements of a brilliant Redemption Arc. NOT THE FORGIVENESS, just as Enji says it. It is NEVER ABOUT THE FORGIVENESS.
Endeavour understood that it was his presence that caused his family distress, and although he dearly wanted to be a part of his family again, was even making efforts towards it by being cordial and accepting of Shouto's friends, inviting them to a family dinner, etc. etc. Endeavour realized the only way he can compensate/atone was to give up something that would cause him suffering, and them happiness. The idea that your family doesnt want you, when you just started to show some effort and HOPE that they might see you in different light, maybe forgive you and then to just terminate those ties entirely, punting yourself into a void where NO ONE CAN COME IN AND SAVE YOU FROM YOUR SUFFERING, is exactly what Endeavour did. He is actively shutting down the ONE window through which his family could see that he was suffering, and miserable, and wanted to be a part of the family again. Endeavour CHOSE to not be forgiven. To writhe with the knowledge of his sins day in and day out with only the shrine of Dabi Touya to haunt him every waking minute.
I cannot explain just how much determination it takes to do that, man. It's just- WOW.
Excuse me for ranting on Endeavour in a bkdk post, but I swear this has a point. And All Might says this the best:
This is the fanlation, the official release (which I couldnt get my hands on) also mentions that "When I meant you were like Endeavour, I meant the Change"
This here is an important bit that AM has caught onto.
In the 252 panel, where Endeavour says 'It's not like I want forgiveness' (Because Endeavour understands he cannot be, should not be, forgiven) "I just want to make up for everything I have done" (and to back this up, Endeavour shuts down the one communication link that could have offered him forgiveness, and thus salvation from the weight of his sins and his guilt)
Katsuki understood Endeavour's idea of redemption very well here, although he might not be shown with that light-bulb moment. He may have already known this wayyy before Endeavour said anything, but those words lent a solidity and to the path he must persue to acheive redemption: And it's Not forgiveness.
Let me tell you why I think Atonement is the greater factor here, even greater than Redemption itself. Redemption has an end-point: Forgiveness. But Atonement doesn't. Atonement has no expiry date. Atonement is purely propelled by the understanding of self, and the weight of guilt the self bears, whereas a Redemption is All About The Forgiveness.
Forgiveness is an external force, it may or may not be given to you and that is completely up to the person who has been wronged. Atonement is self-imposed, it is a meditation of the soul to forgive itself against the guilt it carries.
If Redemption is a marathon with a banner at the finish line, Atonement is trying to drag a twenty pounds of rocks through the Sahara desert without water, food or a compass- it's endless, hopeless.
And this is why Atonement is greater than Redemption.
And do you think someone as stubborn as Kastuki will ever find himself atoned of his deeds? No. And That, my friends, is The Point. In 252, when Endeavour says, "I dont want forgiveness" it's not just him saying it- it's also Katsuki. "I just want to make it upto you", is also Katsuki.
And to prove it, Katsuki will never ask for forgiveness. A verbal apology will be nice, sure. Especially since dumb-ass, gay-ass, 'Kacchan-sugoi' ass Izuku Doesn't even See it as Atonement. He is just #Blessed that Kacchan and he can talk almost-naturally again. And that is also Katsuki's intention- because the moment Izuku knows, he won't be able to atone this way anymore.
So, as much as I HATE to say this, the chances of a voluntary verbal apology are slim. If allowed to go on like this, Kacchan with continue to shadow Izuku through his life, worrying about him, LOSING SLEEP OVER HIM :
LOOK AT THOSE BAGS UNDER HIS EYES. /*shoves panels in yo face*/LOOK
Can you believe this bitch-ass gremlin who goes to sleep at 8:30 got bags just from stressing over his Deku??????
LOOK AT HIM DOING A HECCIN' MAJOR KOKORO-STOPPING CONCERN.
(He is flipping his shit because he worries, and he worries so much, and has worried for him for a long LONG time.)
- Katsuki will continue on this path of being Izuku's support.
Forever if it takes.
Forever, he hopes, it takes-
Because the only way he will stop is in death, either his own or Deku's.
This is his Atonement: To undo everything he once did, to support Izuku's dream instead of squashing it; To help him get stronger instead of perpetuating the narrative on his weakness; To protect him from all harm, when he once hurt; To be on his side when the whole world is against him, because once he was all, but, for him; To save Izuku as he wins, to win as he saves.
And, To deny each oppurtunity of forgiveness even as he desperately longs to be unburdened of his guilt.
Because Katsuki knows:
He knows Izuku is that one of a million, he is kind and humble and considerate and loving to a fault.
Katsuki knows that Izuku will forgive him in a heartbeat. That is just the kind of selfless, beautiful person he is.
Unlike Endeavour, who had no guarantee to forgiveness, Katsuki does. And that is what makes Katsuki's Atonement more powerful than Endeavour's. He recognizes it is in his grasp, just an arm's length away...
....Just an arm's length.
And Katsuki will deny himself that. Because he does not believe he deserves it. He hasn't atoned enough for it.
"Keep At Arm's Length"
He says. Because this is the critical distance between them. Not "Stay an arm's length away", because Katsuki doesn't wanna run away from Deku, and he doesn't want to be too far away to protect him, nor does he want to get too close to finally recieve the forgiveness that will give him salvation.
This is the fine balancing act Katsuki must maintain indefintely till he believes he has acheived his idea of atonement. (And when has he ever been happy just the bare minimum?)
I know I said Katsuki will never ask for forgiveness, and a voluntary verbal apology is very unlikely, because in it's very nature, it is inviting a forgiveness from Izuku, which we have established, Katsuki wants to avoid. And if this were any other manga, we would have been doomed to this conclusion. But, there is a scenario when Katsuki might issue a verbal apology and that is when Katsuki knows there isn't enough time to be forgiven in turn, or, hasn't atoned enough and can no longer continue to.
Like when Katsuki launches off, to deliver a final kamikaze blow to a villain, and he has only enough time to tell Deku a short "I am sorry", but not enough time to wait for a reply. Or when Deku is dying and at his final moments, when Katsuki knows however much he has atoned isn't enough and isn't how Deku should leave, without closure.
Whatever the future may hold, my dear readers, Katsuki still has a long, long way to go. And I hope to see him live through everything, to be there -
To survive these wars with Deku, To fight alongside him, To protect him. To win. To save.
To Live.
To hear Deku say "I had forgiven you a long time ago";
and ofcourse,
To forgive himself.
#bakudeku#katsudeku#katsuki x izuku#bakugo katsuki#katsuki bakugou#midoriya izuku#deku midoriya#bnha midoriya#deku#kacchan#endeavour#allmight#bnha spoilers#bnha manga#mha spoilers#bnha 284
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This Will Be Our Year
Summary: Harry comes home with you for your family New Year’s dinner.
Word Count: 3.8k
Warnings: Language. Shitty families. Smut/ Harry’s got a filthy mouth.
A/N: Okay, lets all pretend that I got this out on Saturday instead of Tuesday... Big shout out to @meetmeinfleetwood for making this “to lovers” fic challenge. It was the first fic challenge I’ve ever done! And I loved trying to figure this one out.
I picked ‘Friends to Lovers’ with the prompts: “You think anyone heard us?” & “You keep that photo of us in your wallet?”
>>>
You didn't miss the upward turn of your best friends' lip when you anxiously readjusted the hem of your dress for the millionth time. You didn't even bother trying to steady your shaky hands as they tugged down on lacy black fabric that touched a few inches above where you normally wore your skirts or shorts
"Stop it." You huffed as he let out the tiniest breath of a laugh at your struggle.
"Sorry, love, think y'look great." He smiled that lazy half smirk that made your stomach flutter but you had no time to worry about that right now. No, right now, you were on your way to visit your parents for the first time in a year.
The excuses of being busy with work, having no time to travel, not having the money for it, or literally any other excuse you could come up with had finally stopped working. Your mother fully demanded for you to come back home for the traditional New Year's dinner your family had every first weekend of the new year. You would have said no, but the second her disappointed voice floated in from the other end of the phone, you knew there was no way out.
You deeply loved your immediate family. It was the extended family that you could go without. The bitchy cousins who always seemed to be doing better in life than you. Know-it-all Aunts who gave you unwelcomed dating advice or worse, they'd sit and examine why you didn't have a man
"Yeh sure 'bout this?" He asked from the driver seat, his hand grasped on the wheel so tight you could see his knuckles turning white. "We could fake sick or somethin' if yeh want out. Bad gas station sushi, maybe."
A smile broke across your solemn face. The snort of a laugh that creaked out of your lungs washed a bit of relief over Harry. His hands gently lifted pressure from the wheel.
"Gas station sushi is the best you could come up with?" You teased from beside him, head turning just in time to see that dimpled smile you loved so much.
"Wha' not believable?" He grinned, playful green eyes shot your way before focusing back on the road.
You shook your head no as silence fell over the car again. Only one more turn and you'd be there.
"If yeh get uncomfortable, just tug on my shirt and we'll go, yeah?" He said as the gravel from your parents driveway crunched under the car's weight. Your stomach churned at the sight of everyone else already there. Anxiety flaring deep inside of your body, your chest suddenly felt tighter even when you let out a deep breath.
"It'll be okay." Harry said after a moment of letting you try to calm down. His ring filled hand enveloped your own shaky hand that rested on your lap. A calm washed over you from his touch. His warm hands melted away the troubled feeling that was lurking in the depths of your soul.
"I'm sorry in advance for whatever they say." You mumbled, giving his hand a squeeze. You missed the small up turn of his lips from your action, the way his cheeks tinted the softest shade of pink. You thought his cough was to dismiss what you'd said, not knowing it was him trying to himself that you only saw him as a friend.
"'M pretty sure I can handle them, love." He smiled even though you shot him a very unimpressed look. "Wha'? I survived Simon Cowell, think I got yeh family."
"Shut up." You chuckled as you brushed your hand off your leg. The other flung open the car door before you had a chance to chicken out.
>>>
Dragging Harry along for this dinner was the best idea you'd ever had in your whole life. Your family's attention was so far off you that you barely talked the hour before dinner and Harry was handling all the attention like a champ. His hand pressed to your lower back as your uncle grilled him about every famous person he'd ever met.
"Wait, so you're telling me that you know The Mick Jagger?" Your uncle looked a second away from breaking into a full out fangirl attack. Your lips rolled in your mouth to stifle the laugh that was bubbling in your throat before a harsh squeeze on your hips from Harry had you glaring daggers into him.
He nodded his head full of soft flowly curls, that you always wanted to run your fingers through, before shooting a smirk down to you.
He was living for this. He loved being able to touch you, lead you around to talk to people. Adored when you playfully shoved him with your shoulder when he said something embarrassing about you. He tried to be as cool, calm, and collected as he could but when you fully leaned into his side his breathing caught in his throat. His hand pressed tighter into you, mostly to hide how much it was quivering from your closeness.
He had tried for over a year to come up with a way to tell you he wanted to be more than a friend. If he was being honest with himself, he wanted to be more since the night you two met, but he was too insecure about himself to speak up. You were just so vibrant. Your laugh, your smile, the way you talked with demand but was always such a sensitive soul.
He was absolutely fucked for you and you had no damn idea.
You always thought he was too out of your league to even begin to entertain the want of something else with him. He was the great Harry Styles and well, you were just you. You, who happened to be friends with Glenne, who dragged you to a bar for a karaoke night almost two years ago. The rest between you and him was history. You'd gotten along so well and at first, you thought, it might have turned into something more, but he never tried anything more than stupid flirty banter which he seemed to do with just about anyone. So, you dropped it. Moved on. Now he was just Harry, you're really good, super hot, you may think about him when you meditate late at night, friend.
"Gonna get more wine." You said after you drank the last drop from the glass in your hand. You were going to need so much more wine if you were going to be listening to your uncle for the next 45 minutes until dinner was ready.
"Will y'bring me some too?" Harry asked with a glimmer of desperation in his eyes. You figured maybe he'd need the alcohol more than you did tonight. He had been putting up with a lot of crap from your family.
You nodded your head yes before taking off through the hallways you used to run down when you were a kid, towards the kitchen. Your mind lost in a hazy of memories of you learning to ride your bike on your mothers freshly polished floors while the babysitter sat on your house phone with her boyfriend all night. The time your brother told you carving your names into the fancy trim along the bottom of the floor meant you two would live forever.
The memories came to a screeching halt when you finally rounded the corner to the kitchen. Your cousin aka the bitch you hated most in the world lounged casually on the counter, her back towards you as she chatted with a friend she had brought along.
"Didn't think I was going to meet Harry fucking Styles. Would have at least done my hair." The girl you didn't know huffed out as you pressed your back to the wall. Desperate to get away from both of them. Suddenly you felt 12 again, hiding from Shannon before she had a chance to torment you.
"Not like you even need it. You already look better than Y/N without it." Shannon snorted out that nails-on-a-chalkboard laugh as your stomach sank.
"True, girl is a bit mousy."
"Don't forget annoying. Can't believe someone famous is hanging out with her."
A part of you wanted to turn around and walk away, but the other part was morbidly interested in what she said behind your back. Maybe, whatever she had to say, was what everyone said about you two when you weren't around.
"Think they're dating?"
"Fuck no." She scoffed with so much certainty behind her voice it made you cringe. You knew it was a bit dumb, especially since you tried to not picture yourself with him as much as possible but it still hurt. "Y/N's boring and bland as hell. He's probably too nice to tell her that he isn't interested and he feels bad that she never has any friends or a boyfriend."
You knew you should have walked away when you had the chance. Every word that was uttered by the voice that caused your childhood trauma floated into your mind with daggers.
Every bad thing you thought about yourself. Every reason you thought Harry would never like you was now confirmed by someone else.
"It's like his charity work for the year or something."
The last sentence was the one that broke you. Your eyes filled with tears as your feet finally unglued themselves from the permanent spot they seemed to be in. You ran for the safety of your childhood bedroom. Your mind too preoccupied with the thought that maybe, he did feel that way about you, to pay attention to anything else around you. You didn't register that Harry was only a few feet away from you when you slammed yourself into your old room.
The knocks on your door didn't bother you. You could care less to explain to our mom right now about what happened but tried your best to pull yourself together anyways. Your crying turned to quite sniffling when the knocks came again.
"Y/N, wha's wrong?" His anxious voice echoed through your door causing all tears or sniffles to stop immediately in their tracks. What the hell were you going to tell him? Your mind panicked for some lie you could use to cover up the fact you had a breakdown when the door opened, the hard metal of the door knob pushed you out of the way.
"'M sorry fo' comin' in but I saw yeh cryin' and I had to check on yeh." He mumbled uncomfortably from beside you as he shut the door again. "Wha' happened?"
"'S nothin'," you said as you dried your own eyes with the back of your hand. "Just, my cousin saying shit. I just took it a bit too personal for no reason."
"'M sorry, petal." He cooed as his hand stroked the rest of your eyes off your cheeks away. Your head instantly nuzzled into his warmth. "Wha' was she goin' on 'bout?"
You tried your best to not tense up. Your eyes remained shut, head buried harder against his hand that still hadn't moved from your face.
"Told you, it's nothing. Really, it was dumb and I just- it's stupid H."
"'S not stupid if it made y'cry." He frowned deeply as he lifted your chin up. Your eyes finally fluttered open to see disappointed written all across his face.
"She just-" you sighed, feeling dumb for being caught up in the moment. Her words stung but your knee-jerk reaction to cry was a bit over the top. You were embarrassed, your skin heated as his eyes trained on you. You desperately tried to look anywhere but him- the floor, the dresser, the door- anywhere. "She just… she said some things to her friend about how boring and bland I am. Said I had no friends and blah blah blah. Just dumb stuff."
You shrugged, feeling uncomfortable talking about what had happened. You gave him the geist of it without having to divulge into the whole story. You figured it was better to leave the part about you being charity work for him out of it. An angry Harry was the last thing you wanted to deal with today.
"Yeh the least boring person I know." He said, finally breaking the silence. "And yeh far from bland. I mean, look at yeh," he gestured to your outfit, his eyes sparked as your face heated from the attention he was giving you.
"Shut up." You groaned, hands covering your burning face as he wrapped you up in a hug. His chest vibrated with chuckles as you buried your head into the crook of his arm.
"Come on, don't be embarrassed." His chin rested on your head as you fought to keep the pink blush across your face at bay. "Know I think yeh pretty. Prettiest petal've ever met."
You could feel his body straighten up. Almost as if he got uncomfortable with being so forward with you. His hands held around you just a bit tighter and you could physically hear his heart start to race. You started to realize, maybe, just maybe, you'd been reading all the signs wrong.
You pulled away from him slightly, your lips rolled in your mouth as you peered up to him. The blush that lingered across his nose ran to both cheeks. His jaw clenched together, shifty eyes finally met yours after a long moment of avoiding your gaze. You could see gears turning in his mind.
"H?" You barely breathed out before he surged forward, his lips met yours with so force you were almost thrown off balance. Your hands quickly grabbed on his forearms to steady yourself. Your nails dug into the soft silk fabric of his sleeves as your mouth desperately tried to keep up with his frantic movements.
It was everything you'd ever imagined kissing Harry would be like. Soft, amazing lips pressed to yours. Warmth flooded your system, almost like he was bringing you back to life. His hand rested on your cheek as he pulled you closer, other hand around your waist, helping you keep balance on your tiptoes. Even if it was a bit rushed, it was perfect to you.
But then you felt him go rigid again.
"I shouldn't 'ave done that. 'M so sorry, Y/N, I know yeh don't like me like that and I got caught up and, and-nd, fuck 'm so sorry-" he rushed out in a ramble the second his lips parted from yours. Your eyes barely opened by the time he'd finished his rushed out speech. His hands ran nervously through his curls. Panic radiated off him.
"Who said I didn't like you?" You asked, halfway out of breath. His hands fell from his perfectly messy hair, down to his side. His mouth gaped open as he blinked slowly at your words.
"I, well, I thought-" He trailed off as you both stood there completely dumbfounded.
You'd both liked each other this whole damn time.
"We're idiots." You giggled. Quickly ceasing the opportunity to close to space between you two again.
Your arms wrapped around his neck as you pulled him to your level. This time, he was the one pleasantly surprised. The light humph out of him only fueled your fire as you dominated the kiss. Your tongue ran across his bottom lips, begging him to let you in. Tongues danced together in an unknown language as his arms circled you again. Holding you close as your fingers ran through the back of his hair.
It was quick. Both of you moved so fast, desperate for more. More touch, more skin contact. You felt that desire you'd pushed to the side flame to the surface as you both stumbled for balance. Your back was pressed tightly against the door after you both got your footing.
Kissing was easy, but kissing passionately in an unknown space when you could give two shits-less about anything but each other, was hard.
It wasn't long before the scruff on his face was burning into your sensitive and puffy lips. He'd taken over control over your mouth so long ago you had no idea where you started and he ended. Your hands, along with his, roamed uncharted territory of each other's bodies. Small gasps and light whimpers were flooding the room but you couldn't be bothered with caring right now. You were finally getting what you wanted, him.
"We should stop." He groaned, half annoyed with himself for trying to be considerate to your family. His forehead rested against yours as you both breathed in deeply.
You whined in protest at his words, your hips involuntarily grinded against him in a sense of desperation. He had winded you up like a damn play toy. He breathed a laugh at your neediness, his head shaking but you could see those dimples popping out when you stared up at him with doe-eyes.
"Don't wanna fuck yeh fo' the first time in your parents house, lovie." He smiled widely as you let out a disappointed huff. Sure, you understood his point but that throbbing in core wasn't going to be going away any time soon.
Harry considered it for a moment as he looked down to your glistening chest that was heaving in deep breaths. The swells of your breast had always been mesmerizing but, fuck, right now they look irresistable. His sight finally moved off your chest to your swollen and puffy mouth. He groaned at the sight, his mind instantly wondering if your other lips would look as beautiful when he was done with them.
His hand moved on it's own accord. Slipping up your dress, to your absolutely drenched panties. Your lip tucked under your lip, hips bucking in a need for more when you heard the most glorious moan fall from his lips.
"Can't leave y'like this, now can I, pup?" His lust filled eyes seemed to darken when you shook your head no. Your ruined underwear pushed to the side by his fingers, his breathing catching in his throat from just how fucking wet you were.
You whimpered and whined as he took his time leisurely circling around your clit, his finger skimming across your needy hole only teased you further. You could feel your nipples pebble against the roughness of your bra, feeling left out of the action, but you weren't complaining.
"Quiet, or yeh gonna get us caught, sweetheart." Harry tried to scold you but you didn't miss the smug look of pride that sat on his lips. "Gonna have to keep you quiet, sweet girl." His free hand moved from the door, to your mouth. Three fingers tapped against your lips for you to open and holy fuck, you didn't think this would be happening today.
A chill went down your spine as his fingers sat heavy on your tongue. He licked his lips as he watched you mimicked how good you'd suck him off later when two fingers entered you quickly.
"Fuckin' hell," he breathed out, the situation in his pants grew impossibly bigger while you moaned wildly against his fingers. "Jesus, fuck, yeh so tight. Gonna 'ave to prep yeh fo' me later, sweetheart."
You could barely register his words as he pumped into you again. His thumb pressed against your aching numb. He was reaching places inside of you that you'd never been able to reach. Places that you had no idea could feel this good. All sense of control left you as he hit that spot. His hand quickly pulled from your mouth to cup over top of it.
"Sing so pretty fo' me, puppy. Can't wait to hear how you sound when y'on my cock." Your walls quivered at his words, your juices dripped further down your leg as you began to quickly approach your end.
"'M ruin this little pussy later, gonna fuck y'until yeh can't handle it anymore." He started to ramble about how good you felt, how tight you were, how he was going to stretch you over his cock so good tonight that he'd ruin you. Your legs started to shake as your mind melted into a goo of pleasure.
"Fuck, yeh like when I talk to yeh like that, don't yeh sweetheart?" You weakly nodded at his words, his hand around your mouth making it impossible to say anything but it wasn't like you'd be able to speak right now anyways. His fingers curled inside of you, pumping, his thumb switching from light touches to hard pressure. "I'd let y'talk to me like that later tonight but my dick is gonna be shoved in all the holes I can get into, puppy."
You could feel your eyes roll into the back of your head as the overwhelming flood of your release washed over you. Blinding white lights of adrenaline ran through your veins as you let out a guttural moan from a depth you had no idea existed inside of you.
You were a panting hot mess when his hands finally left your body. Sweet kisses pressed to your lips to calm you down.
"Do y'think anyone heard us?" Harry asked, his lips still hovering over your mouth as you let out a croak laugh.
"You think I care about that right now?" Your eyebrows raised as you peered up to him. His smile growing by the second as he wrapped you in a hug. "Come on, let's go, you have a few promises you made about tonight that I want to hold you to." You giggled as his cheeks flamed red, your hand reached for his but he didn't move. His boy glued in place as his eyes scanned around your old room.
"What?" You asked as you turned around to see him studying every inch of your childhood.
"I didn't get to see it earlier." He shrugged a bit, trying to not seem like he was hyper focused on every detail. Your pile of old notebooks your mother kept "just incase you ever wanted them again", your old dresser that you'd painted at some point, your rose pattern bedspread, the mountain of books and magazines that were shoved away.
"Wha's this?" He pointed to the huge wall that was covered in nothing but pictures.
"Oh, uhm, I used to put pictures of me and my friends on my wall. You know, like people used to do before Facebook." Harry chuckled as he shook his head at you. His hand fished into his back pocket as he moved away from you.
"What- what are you doing?" You asked, your eyebrows furrowed tightly together as you moved towards him. The picture of your and Harry's drunken photo booth session from New Year's last year in his hand.
"You keep that photo of us in your wallet?" You finally asked after he pinned it on your wall. His cheeky smile across his face as he threw an arm over your shoulder.
"Yup." He smiled widely as you chuckled from beside him. Your arm rested around his waist.
"Dork."
#Harry Styles#Harry Styles fanfic#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles x reader#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x you#fanfic#fanfiction#to lovers fic challenge#writing#mine
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Fight for me: Hikaru x Renge
Renge tends to Hikaru's wounds after he gets in a fight to defend her.
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Renge Houshakuji x Hikaru Hitachiin
Genre: Fluff, hurt/comfort, first kiss
Warnings: None
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Hikaru knew how to throw a punch, but holding his own against three men was above even his own skill level.
It was amazing he had lasted so long in the fight until Mori spotted him and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck like a kitten, tossing him from the circle and finishing the fight himself. Those three upperclassmen didn’t stand a chance--yet he felt his blood run hot at the thought that he had to be saved when he was trying to save someone else.
Toui Kendarishi and his dumb fucking mouth just had to get under his skin, again.
A sharp scrub against his cheekbone jerked him back to reality. He hissed, going to swat at it, before the girl grabbed his wrist and pushed it back down.
“Don’t get mad at me, I’m just trying to help you,” Renge grumbled.
Yeah, some help she was. With every dab of the cotton ball and slab of ointment he relived every moment of the fight, every right hook and gut punch and kick he had endured for her, and she had no idea. The only soothing thing about this therapy appointment was her nails scratching his scalp, but only to distract him from a bad bout of pain.
He only rolled his eyes, jerking away as she moved on to his mouth. “I know you didn’t just roll your eyes at me,” she said, tugging at his bottom lip. His top lip had taken the brunt of Kendarishi’s fists, and all he tasted was his own blood in the back of his throat. He was sure he was a monster to look at, blood staining his teeth and tongue. As it dried against his skin, Renge thumbed it away, smearing it against her hand before she took a washcloth to it.
“So observant,” he hissed, resisting the urge to spit at the taste clouding his senses. Sarcasm was his trusted defense mechanism, and he relied on it heavily now to distract himself from the feeling of her fingers playing with his lips.
A harsh scrub against the wound was her own way of backtalk. “Sass me again, and I’ll stop, and you can explain to Kaoru why you look like a fucking Picasso,” she said.
“Tch.”
But he listened. The blood and spit and pain rendered him essentially mute, much to her amusement, as she worked. His eyes wandered around her bathroom, impossibly pink and frilly for a college apartment. Like the rest of her place, it was like Paris had vomited itself inside, the chunk of the concoction muddled in the bathroom. A pink fuzzy rug was below him as he was perched on her gilded toilet, a gaudy shower curtain boasting images of the Eiffel Tower, and even her mirror was embossed with rhinestones. Everything, from the toilet paper pile to the cosmetics cases, were perfectly stacked and organized, with not a speck of dust or dirt to be found.
Geez. And he thought her shrill demands of perfection in high school were bad. Their host room was spotless thanks to her dictatorship, but this was on another level.
“Admiring the bathroom, I see,” she said, sucking in her cheek as she fiddled with opening a band-aid. Her nails, long and purple, couldn’t quite find the purchase to pinch the covering from the adhesive side.
His life and health were quite literally in her hands, but Hikaru couldn’t hold back the snicker from his bleeding lips. “It’s mental,” he said, reaching up to help her with the band-aid.
Renge ripped it away from him, glowering down her nose at him in the most egregious French expression she could muster. He hadn’t known her in France, but he imagined that was the look she gave every servant, every waiter, every busboy who didn’t fit her exact demands. “I’ve got it,” she spat, turning her back to him. Her shoulders shook, but because of the effort of unpeeling the band-aid or some unknown emotion, he didn’t know.
“Here,” she resumed, turning to face him, and Hikaru’s heart cracked at the tears welling up in her pretty brown eyes, the heaviness in her voice. It sounded so heavy, despite its usual nasal tone, and exhausted, defeated. What had she gone through when her back was turned?
He made her cry. He knew he could take the teasing too far sometimes, but bringing a girl to tears was childish, a middle school prank he had sworn to leave far behind him. But he had done it again, not even to a nobody, but to the girl who was fixing him up, his friend, whom he had grown up with and bruised two ribs defending.
As she leaned down to apply the bandage to his cheek, he tried to meet eyes, to apologize without aggravating his poor lips, but she evaded his glance, pursing her lips and focusing on her work. Her hands shook, lightly grazing his temple.
“Renge, hey, I’m--” he grabbed her wrist, and she jerked away, stepping back until she hit the wall. His voice forced more tears from her eyes, and she buried her face in her hands as she sobbed, massive pink bow bobbing with every movement.
“Just stop, Hikaru, stop!” she yelled, muffled by her closing throat. “I can’t take it anymore. I can’t keep stitching you back up when you snap, I can’t take how mean you are. We aren’t in school anymore, we’re adults, we’re in college, and you’re just puffing your chest like you’re invincible, picking fights and losing them.” She finally showed her face, anger and fear and… something he couldn’t place etched into the lines beneath her eyes. “You want to know what’s mental?” She gestured to him, waving her hand up and down his whole form. “This is mental. You getting into fight after fight and not learning a damn thing from them, that’s what. It’s amazing you didn’t break your nose.”
Blood and anger coiled in the back of his throat. He lunged forward and grabbed her arm again, firmer this time, and yelled out, “I did this for you! I got in this fight for you!”
Renge pressed further against the wall, but she stopped fighting. Her hands shook in his tight grasp. Eyes as big as a silver dollar gazed up at him, heart thrumming wildly in her chest. “What?”
“I got in a fight with Kendarishi, right?”
“Yes.”
“And who is he to you?”
Renge blushed, letting her eyes drift to his chest. She spotted a new bruise mottling on his collarbone. “My ex-boyfriend.”
“Exactly.”
Hikaru released her wrists and watched as they fell to her side, like all the resistance had been sucked out of her. “Every time I fight with him, it’s because he said something bad about you. And then he started saying stuff about me fighting for you, so I just can’t win. I just have a lot of motivation and a lot of anger.”
“Why do you care so much what he says about me?” she asked, still not meeting his eyes.
“Because it was some bad stuff, Ren,” he said. “And I know we haven’t always gotten along, but you’re my friend, and I’m not gonna stand there and while he calls you a ‘fucking French whore who screws every guy she meets.’”
She swung at him, but he blocked, whining, “Hey, he said it, not me!”
When he put his hands down, she was shaking, with rage and sadness and something that looked an awful lot like determination in her eyes. “Bold of him to call me a whore when he’s the one who cheated.” Her hands ball into fists, and her eyes scanned him again--with a less medical glare, this time, and more of a vengeance. “And he did this to you?”
“Yeah?”
“I’ll be back.”
“Wait!”
Hikaru grabbed her by the back of her shirt and suddenly realized exactly how Mori must have felt watching him fight it out on the academic lawn. Renge’s feet scrambled on the tile, but he held her in place, dragged her back in front of him to block her path. “What, so you’re going to go fight him now since he fought me?”
“That’s not a good enough reason?” she pouted.
“No, but…” Hikaru rubbed the back of his neck. “You were just lecturing me about fighting him. Seems a little hypocritical to me, Ren.”
“Don’t use words you don’t understand,” she huffed, leaning back against the wall. She didn’t fight him when he leaned in closer, securely caging in her body. “You were just defending my honor. Let me do the same.”
“Mori dragged me out of the fight, so I’d say he fucked them up good enough,” Hikaru said, and his heart thumped especially hard when she laughed. Oh God, it was like the tinkling of a bell, cool and clear and exactly what he imagined confectioner’s sugar to sound like. He felt himself dragged with a current, down the slope of a well, but he didn’t mind; he looked into her eyes and allowed the feeling to bouy him along. If he weren’t bleeding, he might have just kissed her, but he didn’t need her slap adding to his injuries.
Renge’s breath hitched when he leaned closer, resting his forearm parallel above her head. She was so busy in high school that she never noticed how soft his eyes were, almost golden, like the rising sun over a field of wheat. It reminded her of mornings on her family’s country estate, when she would meditate and do yoga and drink tea while the world quietly joined her in consciousness, when everything was soft and drowsy. Such beautiful eyes, bruised and marred and bloodied for her.
“Renge, I--”
“Don’t,” she whispered, lacking her usual venom. “Let’s enjoy what we have right now.”
Hikaru bit his lip, immediately regretting it as the pain surged back through him. When Renge laughed again, he couldn’t help it; he leaned down and pressed his forehead against hers, drinking in that sweet, drawled perfume that he so often used to make fun of her for wearing. She smelled like a doll, but she was anything but--smart, outspoken, a firecracker all wrapped up in that pretty pink bow.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, lowering his hand to her hair without thinking. He caressed the silky locks, trailing his fingers down to touch her temple, tucking the stray hairs behind her ear. “And so soft.”
“You know I’m anything but soft,” she grumbled, but his touch was warm, and like a moth to a flame, she went to him, brushed her knuckles against the bruises on his collarbone. If it hurt him, he gave no indication; from the way he was looking at her, an asteroid could have hit earth and he probably wouldn’t have noticed.
“Sound pretty soft right now.”
Renge rolled her eyes. “Oh, shut up.”
“Gonna make me?”
Never one to turn down a challenge, Renge pushed up on her tiptoes and kissed him, as gently as she could manage. In an attempt to avoid his wound, her mouth only landed on half of his, but he could still taste the cinnamon on her breath, the stickiness of her lip gloss on his skin. Some hell of a first kiss, but at least it was a kiss, so he didn’t mind.
He ran his hands up her sides, tickling her ribs above her shirt. She broke the kiss with a giggle, bumping his nose with his as she threw her head back in laughter. What a beautiful sight he had there, all at the expense of a busted lip and a bruised eye.
“Remind me to get in a fight more often, if this is the payoff I get,” he whispered, grinning at her pointed glare.
“Don’t you dare,” she ordered. “You need to let this lip heal so I can give you a proper kiss.”
Hikaru raised an eyebrow. “That wasn’t a proper kiss?”
“No.” Renge lowered her eyes back to his mouth, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him back in. “Once you’re healed, I’ll show you how the French really kiss.”
-
Kofi & Commission
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Macgyver 5x13 Thoughts
Once again guys, I warn you that there is no discernible structure to this rant. These are just the things that stood out to me. Do I even need to warn you about my language at this point?!
Overall feeling of this one was like a tasty, cozy three course Italian meal. Then espresso for afters. Kudos to the creative team for the way they were genuinely able to make Georgia feel like the Italian countryside.
“I have thick hair.” Yes Mac. We know. Everyone has noticed. Your hair is, frankly, luscious. EVEN when it’s slicked back with oil.
The airbags- Desi: “That’s not gonna work.” [*it works*] ”Never mind! Super cool!” --- Sweetie, you gotta know this shit USUALLY works. It’s sort of Mac’s thing.
OF COURSE Mac knows his Bond. That makes me SUPREMELY happy. Listen, I am SUCH a Bond nerd that I got the Goldfinger reference immediately (did a little sqeeeee! I literally have a vintage Bond poster in my house) and it REALLY irrationally pissed me off that Desi didn’t get it. I mean… the DB5? CU’MON GURL!!
“Now you see me, now you don’t.” RUSS. This cracked me up. Seriously. He’s doing what all of them would be doing if they could and he’s only doing it because he can get away with it because HE’S THE BOSS! SUCH a child. But he’s also a child with power and money. Case in point: his conversation with Riley regarding her past. A lot of people have gone into this already so I’ll just say that Russ has a lesson to learn here and Riley’s gonna fucking TEACH. YOU EAT THAT FORMAGGIO GURL. WE’RE WITH YOU!
MAC and his hands. That moment he couldn’t release the oil (“There’s another corner. This is our LAST CHANCE!”: way to up the tension, writers!). The beautiful post oil-slick vignette shot. The lingering shot where he’s holding his hand behind his back in front of Desi. Asking Bozer to look into his Dad’s cancer symptoms--- THAT is confessing his worst fear. OOF. That hurts. He knows they rely on him. He KNOWS if he admits what’s going on everyone will freak out… and “so many people have died to save (him)”. And what’s more, he and Riley SHARE this fear. Their hands are how they “help people”. They’re scared for themselves AND for each other.
1994 hunter green JEEP WRANGLER? Of course. He’s MACGYVER!!
Also. The CIA’s top neurologist is a woman of colour and not an old white guy and I can’t tell you how happy that casting makes me!!
MAC & DESI moving in? Keeping medical issues secret? Dumbing down Macsplaining lingo? DUAL character voiceovers (fuckin’ love the twist there!! Character development and progress!!)?! This has also been talked about but I’ll just add that the physical comedy between the two of them was funny as fuck throughout the whole episode. Also, the story is progressing nicely showing that though they may be incompatible as a couple, they have forged a love that will see them through as friends and professional partners in future. (FYI, I think this may be the first ep where one of them referred to the other as a “partner”?)
RILEY & MAC are always in sync with each other. Especially obvious in contrast to the way Desi couldn’t stop herself from asking ‘why’ every time Mac told her to do something when she was first getting used to ‘being his hands’. I don’t think Riley had ever asked ‘why’. She’s always just done it.
DR. DOUBLE-0-BOZE! MVP as usual. Legend. And his ‘subjects’ really are cute. But do we need to talk about the NO ANIMAL TESTING RULE?! Ok, ok. Exceptional circumstances. I get it. Kind of.
MATTY. “She can pop in like that whenever she wants”. She’s calling out dirty Italian cops OVER THE PHONE. She knows ALL about Riley and her team of former felon hackers. She was in full-on protective mamma mode. She feels responsible. She would “never let her emotions dictate Phoenix strategy”... until she does. And she broke my heart at the end- I don’t think we’ve ever seen her look so helpless as she watched the broker being murdered.
AND her team are disobeying her. Guys. The team is slightly fractured here. And as we all know, the team only work well together if they’re a solid, TRUSTING unit. This is a big plot point.
Still no scene between Riley and Desi. I’m waiting patiently guys!
This Monica Macer era is shaping up exactly how I hoped it would. I’m trying REALLY hard not to be devastated by it. Whatever happens, I’m confident the next two episodes will be exceptional. <3
ALSO SHOUTOUT TO THE FANDOM IN GENERAL!! You guys are AWESOME! So much love. Trending. Cast sharing the love. Petition is growing FAST! Paperclips flying everywhere!! It makes me happy to see. Just know if I could be doing it live with you, I would be. <3 <3 <3
Now I’m off to meditate so I can concentrate on writing and not the Macgyver cancellation for a bit...
#macgyver#macgyver 5x13#episode thoughts#savemacgyver#carrie's thoughts#all hail the macgyver fandom!!
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ALRIGHT LETS GIVE THIS POSTING THING A GO
MY REVAN TIME (one of them at least)
Also spoiler warning a guess for a game over a decade old? (Am I meant to say spoiler warning? Who knows not me)
(Please don’t yell at me about stats I do what I want)
Anyway first playthrough where I don’t stop and hard restart Tarris or Dantooine 13 times because choice reasons and me forgetting that stealth is useless and just letting the game auto level for me (learnt that the hard way), I’ve basically done Tatooine but I haven’t beaten the dragon yet cos I wanted to bugger off to another planet first and chose Kashyyyk. And I’m down in the shadow lands now (do not worry Zaalbar I WILL GET YOU BACK) and yeah that’s where I’m at.
ANYWAY, Shay or Shar Stalker (because the game won’t let me do non-binary) is a light side Revan. Good of heart dumb of ass and yet will still rob you dry if you place bets on a strategy game against them. Height wise around the 1.6m mark (5′3″ for the Americans). Prefers the double lightsaber look (currently got a short green one and a normal blue one for amnesia version). Not a flirt but definitely had something going on with my Exile in the past but that ended in the Mando war at some point… teenagers in war don’t usually do well mentally wise.. back story and post events of Kotor under the cut (also warning it’s long, like super long, and goes into their future story? As well)
SO BACKSTORY,
Shar got some Mando blood floating in their veins from some ancestor and that causes them to go full buir sometimes hence why Mission, Zaalbar, HK-47, T3-M4 and Juhani get bed time stores aboard the Ebon Hawk and chocolate space milk whenever they stop (Rev gets some too because who doesn’t love some good old Choccy milk), droid duo get cleaned basically daily while Bastila gets the bird for even thinking that this is a waste of time and resources.
Wait I said backstory… TEMPLE LIFE!
Rascal trio with Exile and Alek at their heels. All three, good of heart dumb of ass. Shar was a prodigy and excelled in basically all Jedi subjects at the time, was pretty popular with most people and just a nice person who didn’t stand for bullshit. Got into a few “heated” (honestly that’s an understatement) arguments with council members about how some things in the galaxy were handled but mostly had a positive response from people. At this time their main saber was purple and their off hand a short cyan. Joined the Republic in the Mandalorian wars a few months before their 17′th birthday. Didn’t not return to the Temple once after leaving for war.
The War
(I should mention I get most of my knowledge from wiki skims (not deep reads) and other Tumblr posts so if it’s off canon… it’s my story and Star Wars is my sand box so I MAKE THE RULES HERE BABY!)
After many battles and the relationship between the battle trio growing stronger with time it was also weakening. At one point Shar and Exile had a romantic relationship going but only kept that going for a few months, they both decided that this was not the time to be doing this and if they both survived would actually give the lovers thing a shot (doesn’t happen). Throughout the war all three realise that they must make sacrifices to stop the war, the old saying “sacrifice one to save the many” is said often between the three at first before it becomes second nature. During one of the battles Shar’s cyan lightsaber is completely destroyed including the crystal being completely shattered. After taking the mantle of the Revanchist only uses the name Revan and never removes the helmet unless it’s only the trio and only then will respond to their old names. All three are slipping mentally in this war but have all managed to hold onto the Light side by trusting each other. After the mass shadow generator event Revan looses all contact with Exile (force and otherwise) and assumes death, despite it being Revan’s own order it’s a major pushing point towards the dark.
The End of the War
Revan faces off against Mandalore the Ultimate and slays him, in his dying breathe speaks of the Sith Empire growing in the Unknown Regions and how this war wasn’t only about giving the Mandalorian’s a good fight but also to weaken the republic for Ultimates Empire allies. Not many Mandalorians knew of the Sith truth behind the war and just followed their Mandalor’s word that this war would bring them the honour of a good fight, and it did in a way. After Revan learns of the empire growing hidden amongst uncharted routes, knew that the council would never believe them and so took matters into their own hands. Taking a fleet and insisting it was to chase down the last of the Mandalorian high command, Revan left for the unknown regions.
The Unknown
Yeah everything went to shit. Rev and Alek get captured and Sith tortured and kind probed by old man Sith Emperor but in that time Revan gains acute knowledge via reverse mind prob, of how the Sith empire is running, where resources are coming from and key weak points. During this time Alek falls completely and Revan fains it for now. Torture continues for a good while until Revan makes the choice that they have been making all through out the war “sacrifice one to save the many”… Revan embraces the dark side and makes a plan, a plan to empower the known galaxy enough to destroy the “true” Sith empire by uniting it as their own Sith empire. Revan knows light will always rise to face the dark and that the light side is strong, someone will rise to take them down after the “true” Sith empire is defeated and only in death will Revan have fulfilled their promise to the unknown Mandalorian and finally be able to be one with the force. Revan embraces the dark fast and is soon sent off by the Sith emperor who thinks Revan is under his control to take control of the star forge and start building the Sith army in the known galaxy, Revan assumes command with now Malek as their right hand.
Beginning of Darth Revan
Basically what is described in the first Kotor game, Darth Duo go find star maps, get to forge, start fucking up the galaxy yadeyadeya. Malek pulls a sick move and fucks up Revan’s plan to stop the Sith Emperor and boom Amnesia time baby. Oh also during Sith times used a red and their old purple lightsaber but when they got captured by Bastila both lightsaber’s goy yoinked and locked up on Coruscant for simple reasons.
No Memory Time Baby
Council is smart as fuck and call them Shay Stalker AKA their old name to see if that will reawaken light memories or thoughts in Revan and basically try and nudge amnesia Rev to stay lightside cos they don’t want to see their lost padawan fall back to the dark, (Jedi are a complicated subject), also ONLY SHAY no mention of their other name Shar at all! So that will cause problems later for poor Rev when they start remembering things :), basically the game from here on. Memories of a calm life on a farming planet before joining the military, lost both their siblings (AKA Alek and Exile) while away on service. Joined to stop the Sith from taking any more innocent lives. Throughout the game Shay try’s to help as many people as they can and choose the option that will benefit good and innocent people, constantly says fuck to corporations and nasty people, is not afraid to kill a bitch. As I haven’t completed the game fully (but I am planing a lightside finish and I’m not exactly sure when the “I am Revan” bit comes in I’m gonna leave this as it is. Oh and blue main saber and a short green saber with a crystal they managed to purify (AKA was red but returned to its natural colour through meditation and force cleansing, also helped by Bastila)
Memories
Like I said I haven’t finished the game yet BUT after the whole “oh fuck oh stars IM REVAN?????” Lots of shit starts to make sense and the force “spell” (I’m gonna call it spell) that repressed Revan’s memories had already begun to weaken somewhat before this point but this kinda opens the flood gates but not too far just enough for it to not make any sense at all. Team is there for Rev and the game finishes lightside. (Also I know I said this rev not gonna romance but this is post game stuff now and I just don’t wanna romance Bastila in game so yeah) ANYWAY, Revan and Bastila build a healthy relationship together and Revan starts to regain a lot of memories that their friends help them through. Revan remembers why they took the name Revan and actually goes to Coruscant to the high council to explain why they put on the helmet in the first place and the Council adheres to Revan’s request and returns the original helmet. The Star forged one stays in storage for now. Revan also requests their old armour and lightsabers to help regain memories as to why they fell, the council is hesitant at this request and only allows Revan to meditate with their old things at the main temple with a council member present. Over one or two years a lot comes back but there is still a few key dates, names, moments and details missing. Oh and Revan uses force powers to make Bastila preggers. IF BOBA FETT CAN SURVIVE A SARLAC AND PALPATINE CAN EXIST IN THE SEQUELS. REVAN CAN PULL FORCE BULLSHIT TOO!
The Unknown part 2: Electric boogaloo
Revan finally remembers what made them go dark and realises they fucked up their own plans pretty bad and the Republic IS WORSE OFF THAN HOW IT STARTED COS OPPS REVAN ACCIDENTALLY KILLED A SHIT TON OF FORCE USERS LIGHT AND DARK SO yeah. Bastila was holding the brain cell of the force bond in this moment and Revan decides the best course of action is to go face the Emperor alone… fucking brilliant Revan how the fuck did you win the Mandalorian wars again my good sir? Revan tells Bastila that they (Rev) has been assigned a mission to infiltrate the remanence of Revan’s old Sith Empire and basically destroy it from within and that this mission is basically so hush hush that Bastila isn’t meant to know but Revan thought it only fair to say that they would be gone for potentially a long time for this mission and Bastila, unaware that this would be the last time she saw them, accepted this goodbye and hoped they would return before their baby was born. But Revan has always been a good lier… even to themselves. Without anymore fuss they left the Known Galaxy leaving all their friends and family behind never to be seen again to face off against the bitch that started it all.
(I haven’t read the novels or played the SWTOR game and never plan to do either so again I say this is wiki knowledge that I’m doing what ever I please with that knowledge because Star Wars is a sand pit and I’m the kindy kid that’s decided to sit and play with it today)
Mmmmm Watcha SaaaaaaaAy
Revan gets their ass handed to them and imprisoned for three hundred years and tortured and mind probed AGAIN. Also cut off their connections to any other force user to ensure old dude couldn’t get to them as well. Absolutely not having a good time here. After the 300 years of PAIN the force within Revan gets so fucked up that their physicality splits into two entirely separate beings, Dark Revan and Light Revan. When this happens the prison breaks and Light Revan makes their escape and gets out barely alive while Dark Revan hangs back and swears allegiance to Sith Empire and starts plotting to overthrow old dude cos Sith. Light Revan makes it back to the council and they heal them and have a very hard time believing they are Revan until Revan perfectly describes a gift they gave Bastila before they left that now a descendent of Revan now owns. The council doesn’t understand how Revan split into two entire different beings but accept “the force acts in mysterious ways at times”. Revan is FINALLY given knighthood and helps prepare the republic for the Sith Empire that hasn’t attacked yet but definitely will soon. And this is where Tarre comes in.
Mando Time Yeah!
My Tarre will get his own beefy post (def not as big as this one) maybe tomorrow or the next day so for now it’s just what Tarre does and means to Revan. ANYWHO, Tarre becomes Light Revan’s padawan. (I should mention that Light Revan despite being called Light Revan is leaning towards a grey area within the force but isn’t down right evil like dark Revan is. Dark Revan is killing puppies of an endangered species cos their bored evil). Tarre is Revan’s padawan and becomes a knight. Revan enjoys teaching Tarre about the force and understanding how Tarre was brought up a Mandalorian and with the peace between Jedi and Mandalorian’s at this point was welcomed into the Jedi temple later than most. Revan raises Tarre like he is their own son/little brother and they form an extremely powerful force bond because of it. I’ll go in depth on Tarre’s post but Tarre still gets Mando training for 4 months of the year but the jedi training is the rest of the year. Revan joins Tarre when he return to Mandalore to continue his Mando training and learns more about Mandalorian history and culture while there. While on Mandanlore Light Revan truely feels relaxed for once despite random Mando’s sometimes jumping out and challenging them to fights because apparently Revan is now a ghost story and a feared mighty warrior legend and when anyone finds out that Revan is “alive” immediately tries to prove that they are stronger than Revan (which they are not). A few years after Tarre is knighted the war with the True Sith Empire begins.
I don’t know what to call this bit sooooo UWU
Battles, fights, old shit, it’s a war. Revan proves to be supper fucking useful in leadership but doesn’t do as much “sacrifice one to save the many” moves anymore. Revan keeps predicting what the Sith are gonna do an THATS cos Dark Revan is leading the, and Revan knows Revan best but not the reverse. Light Revan knows how Dark Revan will act but Dark Revan doesn’t know how Light Revan will act since Light Revan technically includes Shay/Shar, Mandalorian War Revan, Amnesiac Shay, and post Amnesia. While Dark Revan is only really Darth Revan and post Amnesia so Light Revan technically outweighs Dark Revan. I’ve probably butchered that explanation or done it too late but that’s how it’s gonna be cos it’s midnight and I wanna finish this and post it today. ANYWAY, final battle between the Revan’s. They have a massive duel on the battle field and eventually Light Revan strikes Dark Revan down but also receives some pretty nasty injuries. Light Revan understands the need to be whole again and as Dark Revan “dies” reunites with that half of the force and Revan returns but Revan is so done, so fucking done with living and trying and they had a good run and now they have what was Dark Revan’s and Light Revan’s injuries all on one body and sure if Rev really tried they could probably suck the life force out of some Sith warriors to keep themselves alive but… they just don’t want to. Eventually Tarre finds the fallen Revan reunited at last and stays by their side as Revan finally lets go and becomes one with the force. After the battle Tarre brings Revan’s body back to the Temple to be burnt as Revan had requested but their armour, lightsabers, and other possessions would be taken to a place only Tarre knew of to be sealed away until a far descendent of Revan’s comes along to claim them as their own. The war isn’t over and Revan’s passing only fuels Tarre further into defeating the Sith empire that the republic eventually does after 20 years of war.
Conclusion
And that’s the overall story of this Revan, I know very long, very deep, wtf this is your second post after a what? 1 year break? Actually let me check… yeah nope about a year has passed since my Crash post. If you have made it this far thanks for reading my first ever “decent” post about something I’ve been developing for a while now in bits and pieces. Sorry it was so long but then again I did miss a lot of shit. If you want to interact and ask more questions about this Revan go ahead my ask box is open (don’t be weird tho and just cos I post long doesn’t mean you have to ask long unless it’s legit). I’ll try and get the Tarre post out tomorrow around this time too or earlier depends. Thanks again for taking the time to read my word vomit. Also sorry if there are any spelling mistakes I have missed.
Have a good one!
#Shadow’s OC’s#Revan#Kotor#Zaalbar#Mission Vao#HK-47#T3-M4#Juhani#Balista Shan#long post#star wars#star wars: knights of the old republic#darth revan#darth malek#tarre vizsla
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.the force
Summary: Learning the ways of the Force is not always an easy process. Sometimes lessons can take years, even lifetimes to master.
Sometimes your master seems to go out of his way to make it worse.
Shiro felt the chaotic stirrings in the Force just before Keith stormed into their shared quarters.
“You ASSHOLE!”
A faint warning had him snapping his hand up to catch—
A rock?
It was a decently pretty rock, with nice blue and green flecks scattered through it, but overall no more interesting than any other mid-sized pebble they might pick up on a mission.
Keith fumed at Shiro’s shoulder behind the couch, massive waves of fury and irritation flooding off him in Force. So far, all lessons on releasing emotions into the Force had only taught Keith to get better at projecting his feelings, rather than control them.
Ah, well. It was progress.
Maybe.
With deliberate casualness, Shiro put down the mission report he had been reviewing and turned to his padawan.
“Hello, Keith. I could have sworn that wasn’t the correct form of address on Coruscant. Or did I miss a memo?”
“Stop being an ass,” snapped Keith.
Shiro raised his eyebrows. Keith just glared back. So this was going to be one of those conversations. Shiro leaned back into the couch.
“You’re going to have to be a bit more specific, Keith. Precisely what part of my assery do you want me to stop?”
Then, recalling he was supposed to be a master and not a fellow padawan, he quickly added, “Ah, not that you should be using that kind of language anyway.”
Keith responded with several words under his breath that made it quite clear he was not taking Shiro’s advice.
Shiro sighed. “Keith. If you have something you want to talk about, I’m here. But for that to work, you’re going to have to actually, you know, talk.”
Keith gave an explosive exhale and flung himself over the back of the couch to land in a sulky sprawl next to Shiro.
Shiro bit back the urge to correct. He still wasn’t certain how to be a Master to a padawan learner—wasn’t even sure he knew how to be a Knight— and Kolivan’s old lectures echoed in his ears. Kolivan wouldn’t have let such impropriety slide. But what his master would have done and what Shiro’s instincts said were constantly at odds, and Shiro just didn’t know which one was right.
This time, his instincts won out. Shiro slumped against the side of the couch, and nudged Keith with the toe of his boot. “What is it.”
Keith shoved Shiro’s foot off the couch and scowled. He pointed at the object in Shiro’s hand. “That’s a rock.”
Shiro double checked that he was, in fact, still holding a rock. He looked back at Keith. “Yes?”
“It’s a kriffing rock!”
This time Shiro ignored the language. “Keith, you’re not giving me much to work with here.”
Keith flung in hands in the air. “It’s from Dazibalb! You said it was special!”
“I...did?”
Keith’s face was getting flushed as he waved his hands about. “Yes!”
“Um…” Shiro examined the innocuous stone in his hand, trying to see how it could be the source of the drama with his padawan.
“I spent a year—a kriffing year!—meditating and researching on it because my master—who is supposed to be TEACHING me—made it seem all important and special. And. It’s Just. A Fucking. ROCK!”
Shiro took a single breath in. Keith was clearly worked up. Shiro was a Jedi Knight and Keith’s master to boot. He needed to react calmly, rationally, with precision and compassion. He let out his breath—
And burst out laughing.
“Shiro!”
“I—aha!—I can’t—”
“Stop it!” Keith grabbed a pillow and started walloping Shiro with it. “It isn’t funny, Shiro!”
“Argh! Keith, get off me—a whole year—”
“Stop laughing, you asshat! I spent MONTHS on this! I went to Master Slav!”
Shiro lost the battle and dissolved into peals of laughter. He could barely breathe through his wheezes while tears gathered on his face.
“I can’t—I can’t—Slav?!”
“I didn’t want to fail!”
Keith’s voice—hardly reliable at the best of times, poor preteen—cracked on that, and Shiro, even crying with laughter, recognized it for what it was. He pushed himself upright, failing (though trying) to force down his laughter.
“I’m not laughing at you.”
Keith pulled back and folded his arms. “Yes, you are,” he sulked.
Shiro choked back another bout of inopportune laughter. “I’m not. It’s just—” A snort slipped out of him, his cheeks hurt—and, nope, he was laughing again. “It’s not you. But your face—”
“Really helping your case there, Shiro,” grumbled Keith, looking away, and damnit, Shiro really needed to pull himself together.
He couldn’t stop the snickering, but he could throw his arm around the younger boy’s shoulders and pull him close. “I adore you,” he promised into Keith’s hair.
Keith still grumbled. “You said—I asked if there was something special, and you said it held the secrets to the Force!”
“I was teasing,” said Shiro, slowly remembering a seemingly meaningless conversation from ages ago. He snorted. “I didn’t expect you to take it seriously.”
“How was I supposed to know that?!” snapped Keith. “You’re my master. You’re supposed to be teaching me, and half this Force stuff doesn’t make sense! You said and—I didn’t know!”
And that, Shiro realized, was the crux of it. The Council hadn’t been happy when Shiro took Keith on as a padawan, claiming he was too emotional and too old, and Keith knew it. He worked hard in his classes, but he was up against classmates who had been studying the Force and the way of the Jedi since they were in diapers. Shiro knew Keith worried. Nevermind that he was a prodigy, insanely powerful, and picked up new Force techniques faster than anyone Shiro had ever seen. Keith felt like he was constantly behind.
“Every padawan has fallen for something like this,” Shiro reassured, ruffling the kid’s hair. “Every. One. Someone started a rumor that the Force comes from little microbes in your body, and that rumor still circulates the creche to freak out Initiates all the time. It happens for everyone.”
Keith huffed. “You didn’t have to laugh at me.” He sounded annoyed, but hurt burnished his presence about the Force.
“I’m sorry,” said Shiro earnestly. Keith’s outrage was funny but not his hurt. “Keith, I would never intentionally make you feel or look stupid.”
Keith flung his arms out. “I don’t know anything! Everyone knows all this stuff, and I don’t know any of it! I’m supposed to be a padawan.”
“You are a padawan,” said Shiro, tugging on Keith’s padawan braid to emphasise the point. “It doesn’t matter what everyone else knows. You’re a padawan learner. The point is to learn, which you’re doing. Where everyone else is doesn’t matter.”
“Younglings know more than me,” grumbled Keith.
“What did I just say?”
Keith rolled his eyes. “Stupid Jedi crap. It’s easy to say when you’re not the one people are calling a non-sensitive in class.”
Shiro snorted. Hard.
“Not at you,” he said to Keith quickly, shaking his head and smashing down dangerous fury that threatened at the mistreatment of his padawan. He snorted again. “If your classmates can’t tell how strong you are in the Force, maybe they are the ones who are non-sensitive.”
Keith slumped, somewhat pacified but still unconvinced.
“You know, Master Yoda didn’t even talk until he was fifty years old. His species ages so slowly most of his clan had already become Masters before he even left the Creche.”
“But he’s Yoda,” protested Keith.
“And how do you know that in ten years, someone won’t be saying the same thing about you?” challenged Shiro. “You’re already one of the best pilots in the Order, and you’re not even a senior padawan yet. You might feel like you’re struggling to catch up now, but I guarantee that before long, all of us will be fighting to keep up with you.”
Keith snorted. “Sure, Shiro.”
“You’ll see,” said Shiro, his nose in the air. “I’m right.”
Keith rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” And Shiro let him have that. They wouldn’t break through all of Keith’s issues in a day. Instead, he changed the subject.
“Did you really spend months researching?”
Keith slumped into the couch. “I didn’t want you to think I failed you,” he muttered to the floor.
Shiro’s heart trembled and melted. It was deeply humbling to realize how seriously Keith had taken his offhand remark. And a little terrifying. His padawan trusted him so completely, and he—he wasn’t even sure he deserved his rank of Knight.
(How did one go about being a master? How did he be a master when he couldn’t even go to his own master for help? When he couldn’t be sure that he hadn’t been Knighted merely because no one had wanted to finish his own training?)
((No one had wanted to train Keith, either, he remembered. Shiro was determined to make sure his padawan never grew up with the same doubts.))
“Did you keep your research?”
Keith looked at him with narrow-eyed suspicion. “Why?”
“I figure if you put in all the work, you might as well get something out of it,” shrugged Shiro. “I bet we could put together a good case for an independent study. Free up your time for more advanced piloting classes.”
Keith’s eyes slowly lit up. “You mean it?”
“Of course, kiddo,” said Shiro. “I didn’t mean to send you on a wild goose chase.”
Keith huffed. Shiro squeezed his shoulders.
“I promise. I’ll be more careful about my teasing. And when I set you a task, I’ll make sure you know it’s an assignment. None of this vague hint stuff.”
Keith grumbled under his breath, but relief whafted off of him in the Force. Shiro really didn’t understand how so many in the Temple described his padawan as unreadable. Keith projected everything. Loudly. If only you took the time to listen.
Shiro tugged on Keith’s padawan braid again. “We good?”
Keith flopped grumpily against Shiro’s side. “You’re the worst,” he said, though the pulse he sent through their training bond didn’t back it up.
“I really am sorry,” said Shiro.
Keith squirmed against his side. “I just feel so dumb,” he admitted in a low mumble. “Anyone else would have known it was just a rock.”
“Well…” Shiro held up the rock, running his senses over it. It had certainly started as an ordinary rock, but things that were in close contact with the Jedi rarely stayed that way for long. Shiro could feel the vague impression of Keith in it, his loyalty and passion, all wrapped up in his fierce determination. Shiro concentrated on the rock as well, focusing on what he felt for Keith, his pride and joy in his padawan, and pushing that into the Force.
When he finished, the sense wasn’t as strong as he would have liked it—Shiro wasn’t very practiced in Force Impressions—but it was there.
“Here,” he said, passing the rock back to Keith. Keith took it somewhat suspiciously, and Shiro felt him prod hestistantly at it in the Force.
“Oh. Huh.” Keith looked up at Shiro, clearly looking for a confirmation that what he was feeling was real.
“Maybe it didn’t start out special,” said Shiro. “But it certainly is now.” He took a chance and ruffled Keith’s hair. “Just like you.”
“Argh!” Keith batted his hand away. “What are you so sappy?”
“Excuse you, I am genuine, charming, and eloquent.”
Keith frowned at him. Then, taking Shiro completely by surprise, he shoved him with the Force, knocking him off the couch and sending him sprawling on the floor.
“Ooof. This is how you repay me?” groaned Shiro from the ground.
“Yep.” Keith preened, unrepentant from his position on the couch. Shiro took a moment to appreciate how far he’d come from the bitter, scared slave he had been when they first met. Smug and triumphant was a good look on him.
“All right.” Shiro accepted defeat. “Pass me my datapad. I need to finish that mission report.”
“Your—What? You’re going to work from the floor?”
“Yep,” said Shiro, not even bothering to sit up.
“You are so weird,” concluded Keith, but a second later Shiro’s datapad was dropping onto his face and he snatched it out of the air.
“Thanks,” said Shiro. He started scrolling through his notes, trying to find where he left off.
“You’re the strangest master in the Order,” said Keith.
Shiro looked up from his datapad. “Would you rather the Council reassign you a different master?” he said hesitantly, trying to hide how the possibility cut him.
But Keith quickly shook his head. “No. I’ll stick with what I’ve got.”
“Me too,” said Shiro, quietly hiding his relief. “I wouldn’t trade you for any other padawan out there. Not for the entire galaxy.”
“Good,” said Keith.
But still, the bond between them seemed to hum just a little warmer and stronger after that.
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chapter twenty
< previous: chapter nineteen
"I told you guys are crossing the line," Y/N sighed, "Making it look like Professor Karasuma was giving the flowers to her was a really bad idea."
"We just wanted to give her the present she's been wanting for so long. Didn't know it was gonna blow up like that right up on our faces," Rio said.
"Apart from the fact that you guys were dumb enough to completely forget the fact that she has had a tough life, and you were just giving her some false hope about something, I also got a full experience of how that feels. I just don't understand how ya'll didn't think of that."
"We just thought you are really different from her and she would take it light-"
"But matters of heart work the same way," Y/N chuckled.
"Yeah...It has been three days since she has been here," Rio said, "It's worrying."
After some time, an assassin disguised as a flower shop man entered their class casually and informed them about their teacher's situation. Irina was held hostage by the man who called himself The Reaper. He left a location marked on a paper and demanded the students to arrive there without informing the teachers at 6pm. The Reaper goes in a flash, without giving them time to come near him.
"Pfft- turns out we all got overconfident," Y/N laughed, "It was a bit weird how there were no obstacles placed on our way to rescue Prof. Bitch."
"Why are you laughing?! We are stuck down here for god's sake!" Terasaka shouted.
"No offence Isogai, but we kinda have no other option than wait for our teachers to rescue us. So I prefer to laugh rather than feel stressed out. You really think we students having a few months of experience can go against professional assassins? Everything we can think of has already gone through their minds." Y/N furrowed her eyebrows and said, "I'm a useless fuck in missions but I sure as hell know what someone is capable of doing. All of you are pissed off that your ideas are of no use now that we are stuck here, so keep your emotions in check and think about it rationally."
She dropped down on the ground and rested her head on the wall, eyes fixed on Irina on the other side of the cell who just betrayed them and trapped all of them in a room. "Think like our beloved professor," she said.
"Listen buddy, I don't know what your big plan is but I wouldn't count on it running so smoothly," Karma said to the reaper, using his usual teasing tone. He looked at Y/N who had her eyes closed, almost like she was in a meditative state.
He knew it was a bad idea to talk to her again after their little fight but he was desperate. Everything he said seemed to go in a completely wrong direction. Earlier it used to be easy to talk to her, she used to understand instantly what he tried to say. But now it felt like she was purposefully avoiding to understand his words.
Deciding to take a leap of faith, Karma dropped down next to her. Y/N opened her eyes and looked at him momentarily. She was in no mood to have a meaningless fight in the middle of all of this. She was about to get up when she felt his hand over hers, and he was gripping her tight. In some other moment, she would walk away instantly. But Gakushu did tell her to give him a second chance. She wasn't even sure if she can do that and accept him like nothing happened again.
What's the point in giving someone a second chance when she was being the one that's fake this time?
She moved her hands away from his grip and asked, "What do you want this time?"
"I..." Karma looked at her face. She was still looking away at the opposite wall. More important than that, he was at a loss of words. Y/N was finally talking to him, wanting to hear him out but he didn't know what to say. He licked his lips and said cautiously, "I...didn't know it would affect you."
Y/N chuckled. She couldn't believe that she finally agreed to listen to him and instead of apologizing, he was saying nonsensical things again. "I can't believe I actually thought-" she sighed, having a small disappointed smile on her face.
"Just.." he said, his voice sounded hesitant and forced, "..hear me out okay? I just made a joke about it. I didn't know it was going to hurt you. I-" He slowly slid his hand near to her hand and moved his pinky finger to touch her lightly. Y/N looked at all those little details. She felt a bit...relieved to know that he was atleast trying to make things better between them.
"I didn't understand how insensitive I was being until...I saw your face. It didn't feel nice," he gulped and looked down, trying to find the right words to say. He didn't want to blurt it all out at once in this situation but if he was trying, he wanted to put a bit of an effort. Looking back up at her, he realized that after a long time, Y/N was finally looking at him.
Looking at him with some emotion other than hatred. It was a progress, right? She was trying too. Trying her best to understand him again.
"It didn't feel nice...to be away from you...so long. It was irritating and I can't bear it..anymore," he said, a little red tint covering his cheeks.
Y/N contemplated if she should ask him the reason, but decided to give it a rest. He did try a bit now. So as a result, she decided to put the same amount of effort from her side. For now, she decided to look and talk to him casually now and then. "You know its not so easy to forgive and forget right?" she said, "I need time. I would try though."
Karma felt his heart speed up - in a good way. He smiled and looked at her, going back to rest by closing her eyes. His eyes went down at her hand again, and he wanted to hold her hand again. But...he knew she would probably move her hand away again. Just his pinky finger touching her was enough for now.
Things were looking a bit better than before. Although Koro got stuck with the students inside the cell, Karasuma was doing okay and other than that the students didn't have much information about Irina. The students were all wearing a neck-collar bomb, which Itona helped in removing in time. The next plan was for them to camouflage themselves into the walls using their PE uniforms, as they used a blind spot from the camera to further hide.
Y/N was about to sit on Terasaka's shoulder when she heard Karma's voice, "W-Wait." She looked back at him, but he wasn't saying anything. He was just glancing at her legs and then at Terasaka. She looked away, hiding her little blush and cleared her throat, "Okay."
Karma was asking for her consent just now, right? Earlier...he just used to state his opinion out in the open and didn't wait for her answer. Well, he knew what her answer would've been. But she never imagined, him to actually wait for her response when nowadays he just stopped himself from asking her anything. Yes, she did notice it all.
They were all facing the wall,. Y/N was glad that her no one was able to see her blush. She was aware of Karma, trying his best to hold her up properly, afraid of gripping too tight on her legs.
"Uh.." Karma said hesitantly, "Can I still call you cherry?"
"Not yet."
Later, when Karasuma successfully took down the reaper, Irina decided to leave. The students ofcourse, wouldn't let her and conviced her to come back to their school as a teacher again.
"Okay just to be clear, I was just about to kill you all," Irina said.
"I don't see the problem," Kotaro said, "A fair amount of treacheries expected. We learned about it in class too."
"So just come back okay?" Kayano said.
Y/N smiled looking at the scene. After the little conversation, Karasuma just gave Irina a red rose by himself. Things were looking good on their side.
She felt someone holding her hands softly, only their fingers lightly placed on her hand. She looked down, blushing lightly hearing the voice.
"Yeah," Karma said, who was looking at her intently, "Just....come back."
next: chapter twenty-one >
ms. misfit
MASTERLIST
#karma x reader#Karma Akabane#karma akabane x reader#akabane x reader#asano gakushuu#asano x reader#assassination classroom
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You're a druid and an ex-evangelical, right? What does being a druid mean to you? How did you get from evangelicalism to where you are now? And of course feel free to ignore this if it's nosy. (sincerely, a Christian who wants to leave but who doesn't know what to do)
this is going to make me sound ignorant as hell, lol, but i'm happy to share
under a cut because this got very long, sorry, lol.
my personal progression was: "vaguely christian -> VERY christian -> christian agnostic -> agnostic/atheist -> agnostic/druid -> some sorta druid-neopagan-animist thing." i guess i'll just go through what made me switch between each of those, and close out with some high-level thoughts that may be helpful for you?
okay, so when i was
VAGUELY CHRISTIAN,
i went to Sunday school every week because That's What You Do, and because my whole hometown was very southern Baptist, i never questioned the veracity of its teachings much... until they ran a whole weekly series on "why [x] is wrong," where [x] is some other group
e.g., we had a week on why Mormons are wrong, and i didn't bat an eye because i hadn't even known Mormons existed until that moment
then we had a week on why Muslims are wrong, and that... bothered me, because i had a friend who was Muslim, and she was just objectively a better person than me, and i was like "any universe where she goes to hell and i don't seems really fucked up"
then we had a week on why EVOLUTION was wrong, and that just absolutely threw me, because while i hadn't thought about evolution much (i think i was in fourth grade or so), it seemed common-sense? scientists thought highly of it? "adaptation over time" just seems logical?
so i went to the public library every day after school for like a week, read some Darwin and some science books, and came back to my Sunday school teacher with, like, an itemized list of objections to the whole "evolution is wrong" thing. and he came up with some standard Answers In Genesis rebuttals, and i did more research and came back the next week with more science, and we repeated this a few times until he was like "lua, you just gotta take some things on faith"
which. lmao. full existential crisis time, because no matter how hard i thought, i couldn't *not* believe in the science, but i also didn't want to go to hell, so i was like "maybe if i believe SUPER HARD i will SOMEDAY be able to unbelieve the condemn-me-to-hell bits"
so i decided to become
VERY CHRISTIAN
and my frantic googling for shit like "proof of god" and "god and evolution" *eventually* broke me out of the Answers In Genesis circles of the internet, and into some decent Christian apologia, like, think First Things and various Catholic bloggers. and there, i found some way to square my gut sense that evolution was right, with a spiritual worldview.
like, i remember finding some blogger who said:
"young earth creationists get tripped up when they try to explain stars that are millions of light-years away, and end up basically arguing that God's tricking us somehow, and—no! my God lets you believe in the evidence of your eyes, my God does not demand that you make yourself ignorant or stupid, my God expects you to use your brain"
and i just started crying at my computer, because no one had ever said "using your brain is Good and part of God's will," i was like *finally* here's someone who won't tell me i'm going to hell for just *thinking* about things
(st. augustine does a much better riff on a similar theme, fwiw, but i only found him later)
still, it was an uneasy fit, because, the more i learned and read about world history, the more it seemed... weird... that the One And Singular Path To Salvation was... the successor to some niche desert cult... which didn't even occur at the *beginning* of written history, like, it was all predated by that whole Mithraism thing, etc... and like, sure, i could trot out all the standard theological talking points for why Actually This Makes Perfect Sense, but gut-level-wise, the aesthetics just seemed kinda dumb! and no level of talking myself out of it made that feeling go away!
so at this point i started referring to myself as a
CHRISTIAN AGNOSTIC
i mean, not aloud. i still lived in southernbaptistopia and i didn't want, like, my hair stylist to tell me i was a horrible person. but in my *head* i called myself Christian agnostic and it felt right.
and i started church-hopping, which honestly was really fun, would recommend to anyone at any point. i visited the fire-and-brimstone baptist church, the methodist church, the episcopalians, the universal unitarians, etc.
unfortunately, while this gave me *some* new perspectives, each of the places either had the same shitty theology as my old megachurch (i remember the *acute* sense of despair i felt when i was starting to jive with a methodist church... only for the dumbass youth minister to start going on about evolution), or, they just lacked any sense of the *sacred*. like, the Church of Christ churches, with their a capella services, *definitely* had it; i felt more God there in one service than i did in a lifetime of shitty Christian rock at the megachurch. but their beliefs were even *more* batshit, so. big L on that one.
having failed to find a satisfactory church, i was basically
AGNOSTIC/ATHEIST
by the time i went to college, but honestly pretty unhappy about it; while it was harder than ever for me to actually *connect* with the divine, i didn't like thinking that my previous experiences of the divine were total lies. because my shitty evangelical church, for all its faults, could not *completely* sabotage the sense of God's presence. there were real moments in that church where i do believe i experienced something divine. mostly mediated by one particular youth minister, who in hindsight was the only spiritual teacher in that church who didn't seem a bit rotten inside, but! it was something!
so when i happened upon a bunch of writings on the now-defunct shii.org (that's the bit that makes me look WILDLY ignorant, lol), i was utterly captivated.
said author was a previous archdruid of the Reformed Druids of North America, an organization that was formed in the 1960s to troll the administration of Carleton College (there was a religious-service-attendance requirement; they made their own religion; their religion had whiskey and #chilltimes for its services). however, this shii.org dude seemed to take it pretty seriously. he was studying history of religion and blogged a lot about his studies, both academic and otherwise. while RDNA had started out as a troll, that didn't mean they hadn't *discovered* something real in the process, he said.
this, already, was going to be innately appealing to me; i've got a soft spot for wow-we-were-doing-this-ironically-but-now-it's-kinda-real? stuff in general.
in particular, shii.org’s discussions on the separation of ritual from belief was really interesting to me: most religions/spiritualities have *both*, but like, you can do a ritual without having the Exact Right Beliefs (if there even is such a thing!), and it can still be useful to you, it can have real power. (he had a really lovely essay, speculating on the origins of religion as just a form of art, but that essay is now lost to the sands of time, alas.)
(note that i wouldn't really recommend seeking out *recent* writing by the shii.org guy; he kinda went full tedious neoreactionary-blowhard-who-reads-a-lot-of-Spengler at some point? sigh.)
the shii.org guy led me to checking out a bunch of books on the history of neopaganism & also books by scholars of religion in general, and the more i read, the more excited i became. and i started doing little ritual/meditation stuff here and there.
then i was fortunate enough to attend some events with Earthspirit (this was when i lived in Boston), which cemented my hippie dalliances into something more real. the folks there, being from Boston, were all ridiculously overeducated (a sensibility that appeals to me), but also, being the kind of folks who drive out to a mountain in the middle of nowhere for a spiritual retreat, they tolerated a full range of oddities (everyone from aging-70s-feminist-wiccans to living-on-a-farm-with-your-bros-Astaru to dude-who-started-having-weird-visions-and-is-just-trying-to-figure-out-the-deal to Nordic-spiritualist-with-two-phds-from-Scandanavian-universities-on-the-subject, etc), which gave me a lot of room to explore different types of rituals, ceremonies, "magic", etc.
(polytheism in general lends itself well to this sort of easy plurality! i can believe other people are experiencing something real with their gods, and i can be talking to a totally different set of gods, and that’s just all very compatible, etc)
anyway, i started calling myself
AGNOSTIC/DRUID
around then, because i knew i'd found *something*, something that felt like all the realest moments i'd ever had in nature, and all the realest moments i'd ever had in that shitty megachurch, but i wasn't quite ready to put a theology to it.
but, idk, you do the thing for a while, and you start encountering some things that you may as well call gods, and you realize you're in pretty deep, and you ditch the "agnostic" bit and just throw hands and start describing yourself as
SOME SORTA DRUID-NEOPAGAN-ANIMIST THING
because that's the most precise thing you can muster. in particular, the druid bit resonates because nature's still very much at the center of my practice; the neopagan bit resonates because i'm not especially interested in reconstructing older traditions or being faithful to any actual pre-Christian traditions, and animist resonates because what i sometimes call gods seem to be tied pretty tightly to the land itself. it's all very experiential; all this mostly means i'm some weird chick who sometimes grabs a car and drives out someplace very lonely and hikes for a while and does some hippie shit to try and talk with the land or the god or whatever is there. and sometimes i come back from it changed, or refocused, or what-have-you, and hopefully i'm better for it. i'm aware this makes me look a little ridiculous, and is an unsatisfying answer, sorry!
WRT YOUR SITUATION
i don't know you or your situation, obviously, but if i wanted to give former-me some advice to save her some angst, i'd say
-> Christendom itself is far wilder and more diverse than many churches lead you to believe. if you still want to be Christian on some level, and it's just a shitty church that's convinced you the whole project is fucked, i'd honestly explore, i dunno, your nearest Quaker meeting. they're invoking the Holy Spirit with regularity but they're not raging douchenozzles about it.
-> if you're specifically interested in druidism, i found John Michael Greer's "A World Full of Gods" really nice. (caveat: Greer has *also* gone full right-wing nutjob these days, sigh, so like. would not recommend a great swath of his writing. but that one's good)
-> deciding that a just God wouldn't give me a brain and then ask me not to use it was hugely comforting to me. like, that was the start of the whole process, that was what made me feel ok searching for other churches and trying to find something that fit. obviously you should take this with 800 grains of salt, because obviously i'm no longer Christian, and thus maybe i'm just some poor misguided fallen soul, but... i still kinda believe that! maybe if you can make yourself believe that, it'll seem less scary?
idk, happy to answer more questions, sorry for the long ramble, hope it helped~
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So @dinahdarling and @witchertrashbag made a post about Jaskier and Vesemir and there was another post about Jaskier in Kaer Morhen being an absolute slut for Witcher’s, and Vesemir’s casting was announced which either inspired it or just fanned the flames and I started to bullshit in the tags of one of my posts and found out there was a tag limit…
which turned into me this half head canon half story mess about Geralt bringing Jaskier to Kaer Morhen after he finds Ciri but before they confess any feelings…
this is an incoherent mess and not at all what i normally write but I couldn’t get the idea of it out of my head and I’m writing another serious geraskier fic so i need it out and here we are, we’re dying like men in this Chili’s tonight
....
Jaskier flirts with Vesemir as soon as he sets eyes on the older Witcher, he gets that cheeky smile like a cat that’s spotted a dish of cream. Vesemir, the old bastard, just chuckles, good natured. The old Witcher finds the bard absolutely charming and to the shock of everyone in Kaer Morhen, Vesemir flirts right back.
It sets a precedent for their relationship. Jaskier flirts, lays it on real thick, and Vesemir gives it right back. He likes to listen to Jaskier sing older songs, historical ballads and such and Jaskier loves to hear Vesemir’s stories.
“He’s much more eloquent than you are darling.” Jaskier tells him after the first week, transcribing his notes on sheets of spare parchment he’d filched from the library, already more comfortable in a castle full of witchers than he has any business being. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, he is! When I ask him to elaborate he does so in more that’s two syllables!”
He listens with rapt attention and Vesemir enjoys the feeling of those bright blue eyes.
Makes him feel young again he says, while Lambert pukes exaggeratedly over his shoulder.
Jaskier and Eskel fuck after the first month.
Geralt‘s out for morning meditation with Ciri and Vesemir and on his way down to the courtyard he sees jaskier slip out Eskel‘s door looking sleep warmed and ruffled, love bites all along his neck and chest and thighs.
Eskel’s a biter and Jaskier writes a drinking song about it.
and Geralt feels… funny about it, he can’t concentrate enough to slip into a meditative state, he’s jittery. Ciri asks him if he’s ok, he doesn’t know
he has to excuse himself when Eskel finally joins them looking so satisfied and loose and smirking into the middle distance and Geralt’s chest floods with … something vicious. It happens so suddenly he shocks himself out of it and doesn’t really know what happened
When it happens again, they’re all getting drunk over a big roast hog that geralt and eskel hunted in the valley to mark the changing of the seasons (minus Ciri, but Eskel and Lambert let her have sips of their ale when they think Geralt isn't looking) when Jaskier and Lambert disappear for a bit
Geralt looks up from his conversation with Vesemir and they‘re gone and he just stops and goes a little cold in his gut, then there they are
Lambert looks extremely satisfied, eyes lidded, unhurried, and jaskier’s looking very smug indeed and then and then the little shit looks fondly irritated when lambert fucking whispers something in his ear.
It’s too low for Geralt to hear, but it must be funny because Jaskier just smacks him playfully and Lambert laughs and Geralt wants to break everything. Then Ciri is asking him if he’s ok and Jaskier looks over at him and there’s concern in those blue eyes.
Geralt is not ok
it all comes to a head when Lambert says some dumb shit in the training yard. It’s harmlessly cocky. Just Lambert being Lambert.
Jaskier is fucking lounging on the ruins of the crumbling wall above the yard, long lines warming in the sun and loose shirts with plunging necklines to reveal the beginnings of his chest hair.
It’s distracting. Geralt tries not to look at him too hard.
He’s plucking through a new song, trying different lines and tunes over and over in different ways. The familiar sound is pleasant, it helps him focus on his movements as he demonstrates his footwork for Ciri as he spars with the two witchers and Lambert says something, too low for Ciri to hear, but Geralt can hear him just fine, about shutting the bard up for a little bit , something about using that pretty mouth for other things
and eskel, fucking eskel, makes that low appreciative ’mhmm’ noise and geralt goes fucking feral, suddenly it’s not training, that ugly feeling is back, the one that makes him want to break things and he’s got a sword in his hand, adrenaline high. He nearly slices lambert open before Vesemir‘s grabbing him and shoving him and shouting at him to take a fucking walk
meanwhile ciri is just standing there with the dummy and her wooden sword, eyes wide, grip slack. Jaskier‘s playing has stopped, the bard is looking at him with his blue eyes wide with shock and concern, Lambert’s yelling, asking him what his problem is and Eskel is just staring at him, with that knowing look, and it’s too much.
He storms off. Jaskier, inevitably, follows and Geralt ,inevitably, says some terrible things,
but unlike with the dragon and Yen, there isn’t a monologue about how much he hates Jaskier. Geralt is very aware that he very much doesn’t hate the bard, but there are feelings clawing at his chest and lodged in his throat that he doesn’t know what to do with. Doesn’t know who they’re directed at or why, just that it settles at the sound of Jaskier’s voice and he’s a little more focused
Jaskier however is a man on a mission and he intends to get to the bottom of all this emotional constipation and get the brute to express his feelings. He pokes and prods and pulls at Geralt until the poor Witcher is a stammering and confused ball of frustration and anger and poorly phrased feelings.
“Are you angry?”
“Yes! …No… I don’t know.”
“Well you’re clearly worked up about something, you nearly tore Lambert’s head off. So what is it?”
At the mention of Lambert that blind, directionless Something flares again, Geralt sneers, “You worried I bruised your toys?”
“My toys?”
“Don’t worry, little bird, Witcher’s heal quickly. He’ll be back in working order for you by tonight.”
“Working order? Geralt, what are you talking about?”
There’s some implied slut shaming (Jaskier: Excuse me, I do NOT fuck every man and woman I see! Geralt: Not for lack of trying! Jaskier: SOO?!WHY DO YOU CARE WHERE I STICK MY DICK? Geralt: CAUSE IT ALWAYS ENDS UP WITH ME HAVING TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!), Geralt expresses an acute frustration with the cut of Jaskier’s shirt collars, and implied regret of ever bringing Jaskier to Kaer Morhen,
“Well then why did you bring me here in the first place if you hate me and my slutty slutty shirts that damn much!?”
“I don’t hate you Jaskier, I brought you because I-“
And the truth hits him a split second before he can stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth. Geralt nearly chokes on his spit he stops talking so fast. His face goes red and,,,
Oh no
no that wont do at all.
Without a word he turns on his heel and flees,
He spends the rest of the day out in the valley with Roach trying to get himself under control.
When he comes back it’s to Vesemir standing arms cross in front of the entrance to the keep. He warns him, the whole of Kaer Morhen, and the Rock trolls that live in the caves below, heard his argument with the bard. They all agree, Geralt is being, as Lambert put it, ‘a big warty Cyclops dick’ and he needs to ’unclench and get his colossal bag of issues under control before he fucking kills one of us’. Also Lambert‘s words.
Geralt doesn’t say anything. Vesemir just sighs “You better prepare one hell of an apology, Wolf.” and leads him inside.
Everyone is settling in for dinner. It was Lambert’s turn to cook so the entire keep smells like garlic and spices (every Witcher has a hobby, something to occupy them in between monster hunts. Geralt likes card games, Vesemir likes to collect rare coins, Eskel likes to knit, and Lambert likes to cook).
They all look up when he comes in. Eskel is quiet, he has that knowing look in his eye. Lambert glares, “Welcome back, sour puss, your little tantrum ruin your appetite?”
Geralt has his customary ‘eat my ass Lambert’ on the tip of his tongue, but he pauses, looks at Ciri who looks at him reproachfully from Jaskier’s other side. Jaskier looks up at him with those blue eyes and Geralt feels something settle in his gut.
He knows he’ll be forgiven, but he cannot take that for granted. Vesemir is right. He better give the bard one hell of an apology. And then never fucking do that shit again.
He looks back at Lambert.
“Smells good.” and he takes the empty seat on Jaskier’s left.
It’s as close to an apology that Geralt and Lambert will ever get between them, and the other Witcher wont admit it, but the compliments on his food make him feel all tingly inside.
Later, when Jaskier, Ciri, and Vesemir are all asleep, the boys break out the Mahakaman Spirit and drink it straight from the bottle. It goes about as well as you’d expect.
“You know.” It’s not a question.
Eskel shrugs and takes another drink, “Didn’t before today. Don’t think you did either. I’ll admit I had my suspicions, you guys act like an old married couple, but he seemed pretty convinced you didn’t have feelings for him. If I’d known before I wouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”
Lambert snorts, he’s starting to slur his words. “I not. Get your shit together Geralt, cause if you don’t fuck him I will… again.”
Eskel nods with more enthusiasm than is really necessary considering the circumstances and Geralt doesn’t slam his head down on the table but it’s a near thing. Instead he just sighs and pours himself another drink.
Geralt get’s his shit together. Not that night,, but eventually.
That night, bolstered by a few more bottles and Eskel and Lambert’s encouragement, Geralt makes it all the way to Jaskier’s door before loosing his nerve and realizing that maybe stumbling drunk and dumb into the bard’s bed chambers in the middle of the night isn’t the best way to start an apology.
So he just goes to bed.
He asks Ciri the next day, or more Ciri volunteers her opinion. They’re in the library, pouring over books pulled for them by Vesemir (the old Witcher took one look at Geralt and the others battling their hang overs at the kitchen table and declared today an exercise in theory), detailing the different subspecies of Drowners when she brings it up.
“So, have you apologized to Jaskier yet?” She catches him by surprise in the middle of an explanation about the effectiveness of the Axii and Igni signs when fighting Drowners. He pauses.
“Not yet. He always sleeps past breakfast.”
“Are you going to?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“I don’t know... Why are you so interested?”
“I don’t like it when you two fight. It doesn’t happen a lot,, but when it does Jaskier only sings sad songs and it makes everyone else sad.” A pause, “Plus, I have nothing better to do, nothing interesting ever happens around here.”
Geralt laughs at that, “Witcher training that boring to you?”
She gives the comically large book in front of her a pointed look ,”Yes.”
After a few more questions and answers and rapid fire quizzes on the differences between mucknixers and drowned dead, Ciri speaks up again,
“Take him on a picnic, bards love picnics.”
She says it with the kind of finality that only children can muster that Geralt can only nod and they start planning.
Geralt apologizes before dinner, pulls Jaskier aside and asks for his forgiveness. “You already had it Geralt, you knew that.” And he takes Jaskier out to finish dinner atop one of the high towers in the keep with a bottle of erveluce under his arm. He and Ciri had cut their studying short and spent the afternoon dodging Vesemir to set up the picnic before hand. In retrospect it was a very good exercise in stealth and evasion.
There are candles and an old tapestry they found draped across the stones. It’s disgustingly romantic. Jaskier calls him on it. Geralt is embarrassed, but he stammers out his apology and his confession without too much interruption.
“I’m sorry I called your shirt slutty… I don’t think it’s slutty… it’s a nice shirt.”
“Thank you , Geralt. I appreciate how hard that must have been for-”
“And I don’t hate you… I brought you to Kaer Morhen because…. Because… you were the first person I thought of when… I wanted you here… with me… I.. love you, Jaskier. Been shit at showing it but I do, have for a long time, and I… don’t… want you … sleeping with anyone else anymore. Just… just me.”
And then Jaskier jumps his bones. The end.
Lambert is only a little jealous.
#witcher#geraskier#geralt/jaskier#jaskier/eskel#jaskier/lambert#jaskier/vesemir#the witcher#give that bitch a picnic#bitches love picnics
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okay so I do have an anakin fix it au floating around in my brain in which revenge of the sith goes as well as it possibly could BUT that's not the important part of this post the IMPORTANT part is what happens to maul in this au. (disclaimer: all I know about maul's backstory is from watching the clone wars and reading his wookiepedia page so some of this might be inaccurate. bear with me)
okay so because order 66 didn't happen, maul is brought before the council. he was sith so the council would want to deal with him personally
I think with palpatine dead (fully and completely 100% dead no take backs) the influence of the dark side everywhere would be lessened. everyone would feel a lot clearer, happier, brighter, like a dark cloud had been lifted from their mind. this would include maul.
however, for maul, diving deep into the dark side has been something of a coping mechanism. amassing as much power as possible and giving yourself over to this dark higher power means you don't have the contemplate the fact that you were stolen from your family and home world and fed incredibly damaging rhetoric from the man who 1) let you die 2) immediately upon finding out you were still alive electrocuted the fuck out of you and killed the last part of your family and (imo) the only person you ever truly loved
so maul upon arriving to the jedi council, while slightly less affected by the dark side, is still full of pure rage, hate, and a clusterfuck of other emotions brought about by thinking about the jedi. he's a whole disaster
okay this is going to get very very long I'm going to put a read more here
I imagine some in the council would like to kill or exile him and be done with it, but after the inherent trauma of the clone wars and seeing how far separated from their ideals the jedi order has become, they'd show him mercy. this part may not necessarily make 100% sense but shut up this is the good things for maul au maul gets good things
therefore, the council would vote in favor of rehabilitation. what I imagine this would look like is maul would be heavily guarded and watched, and whenever possible he would be visited by jedi masters (and masters ONLY. they're not dumb)
maul gets his own quarters, which are big enough not to be stifling or tiny but small enough to still fit in a jedi temple where they value austerity and forsaking possessions. they would want to give maul as much freedom as possible while making sure he couldn't be a threat to anyone around him, which would mean he doesn't have much freedom at all. he's fed and watered and visited by at least one jedi master a day. these visits are usually someone meditating and trying to rehabilitate maul's mind while not being openly invading, rather guiding maul's broken mind into its natural state and removing palpatine's influence. these visits are also good old fashioned therapy (maul desperately needs to talk some shit out)
it would take a very very very long time but with guided meditation and constant consistent kindness and understanding shown to him by the jedi maul would start to heal. one of the major things that palpatine forcibly shoved into his brain is a distrust and particular hatred for the jedi, but after spending so many years in their care and with constant (almost annoying) understanding that belief system would start to break down.
it would start small. like one day maybe instead of feeling rage and anger around savage's death he feels sadness because for the first time he's in an environment where he has the space to breathe and remember his brother
I think once maul has actually started to improve a little bit and moved past his rage and murder phase that's when obi-wan would visit him. which would definitely bring back some rage and murder but also it would bring maul some closure. I'd imagine they'd both need some sort of closure, considering maul killed qui gon and obi-wan essentially killed him. but obi-wan saying something like "I forgive you. I'm not your enemy." that might throw a wrench into maul's thinking
so over time, maul is becoming less and less emotionally tumultuous. he's in a stable environment in which a set group of people visit him daily solely for the purpose of rehabilitating him, both through the force and just regular conversation as equals. eventually, after enough time in this environment, whoever maul is beneath the rage and pain and the dark side would emerge
this is the side of maul that I wrote this for. this is why he's one of my favorites.
maul is deeply intelligent, and rather calculating. while he usually forgoes rational thought to scream "kenOBIIIIIII" into the night he's very good at assessing a situation and how to get the best possible outcome. he feels things very deeply but he's incredibly bad at naming exactly what his feelings are and he's not very good at reading the emotions of others. I think a flaw of his is that he really forgets to take emotions into account, while for the jedi that's kind of their whole thing. (yeah the jedi are stereotyped as unfeeling warriors but that's not true at all, they acknowledge and release their feelings into the force. for them their feelings are the force.)
I think one day when maul is beyond resisting his existence at the jedi temple, when he slowly realizes "hey my life sucks a whole lot less than before" he manages to actually solve a problem for one of the masters who visits him regularly and has become the closest thing he can really have to a friend. said master (maybe kit fisto just because I like kit fisto) rants about a problem or a mission that they're having and maul just goes "well it's obvious, really." and manages to solve the problem like that by nature of his unique perspective.
and after a looong amount of time has passed, maul's role shifts from enemy, victim, and a patient to being a voice of rationality, a problem-solver, and someone to rant to when the whole jedi master thing gets to be A Lot™
seriously though I cannot stress how long it would take for maul to heal and get to this point. MINIMUM five years.
eventually maul and some people he's forged friendships with petition the council to allow him to have some more freedom. while extremely hesitant, without palps clouding their vision they could much more clearly see maul's mental state and what sort of danger he would pose to the jedi, and they would let him move freely about the temple
okay here's my favorite part of this whole thing. maul is a fucking nerd. he discovers the jedi library and goes insane. maul would read so many books about so many different things because he's interested in everything and he'd want to build his knowledge in a myriad of subjects. he would spend hours upon hours in the jedi library just reading every single thing in there. he'd beg one of the masters to let him access the "forbidden knowledge" just because it's knowledge and he wants it. and if that didn't work he'd find a way to break in (the forbidden knowledge did not disappoint).
I also think maul would love to spar with lightsabers and stuff. he'd know techniques the jedi wouldn't, and so in friendly spars with people he'd managed to befriend, he'd actually give them a fight and teach them something, while also learning new techniques from the jedi
I think maul would consider becoming a jedi for a brief second. he's happier here than he's probably ever been, finally free from palpatine's influence and in a healthy environment. but he knows it's not his path.
after spending a long time living at the jedi temple, having carved out something of a life for himself, made friends for the first time in his life, having finally achieved emotional stability, he approaches the order on his own. they expect, after having been long used to his presence, for him to ask to be a jedi. but he comes with an unexpected proposal.
maul asks to leave the jedi temple to go home to dathomir, to see what had become of his family and of the nightbrothers. he's much much more stable than he was, but he still has burning questions that palpatine would never have let him find the answers to. and he genuinely does want to get there, eventually. but he also wants to learn more about the force that the jedi wouldn't teach him, to learn more about the sith.
his departure is surprisingly more emotional than he was expecting. the jedi temple was the first place he'd ever actually felt safe, that he'd been allowed to just exist. he would miss it.
armed with all the knowledge in the jedi temple, he searches for knowledge the jedi wouldn't have access to. he finds the remains of mortis, and researches the mortis gods. he spends a period of time wandering around like batman crushing the people he doesn't particularly like (usually people objectively morally horrible. he spent years with the jedi he has ✨morals✨ now). he even made his way to ilum, and found two crystals to forge a new double-bladed lightsaber. (the blades are yellow.)
maul would also study ancient sith texts, and spend a lot of time investigating old sith temples (like the one on malachor). however, he doesn't have the same burning desire to seize the power for himself anymore. it's an odd feeling.
eventually he does return home to dathomir to find the genocide of the nightsisters (with only one nightsister, merrin, remaining) and the nightbrothers in disarray after the loss of the dictatorial government they'd lived under for generations. maul ends up taking over a la mandalore (but with a lot less murder and awfulness. ✨morals✨)
what I'd love to see is maul founding an opposite sort of order to the jedi. not necessarily the sith, since the sith treated him horribly and destroyed his entire life, but i think maul would believe that for the force to truly be in balance, you couldn't try to eradicate an entire half of it from the galaxy. I would love to see maul found an order of dark side force users that teaches about how to use the dark side, how to avoid total corruption, and the correct channels for the power you control.
maul would be a very effective teacher in the dark side because of how much experience he has with it. he experienced the absolute worst of the dark side, the total corruption and loss of self, but he also used the dark side to save the nightbrothers from destroying themselves after the loss of the nightsisters and used his power to keep them together and safe (not to mention the period of time with Batman Maul where he used the dark side to help people).
also I would love to see the new generation of jedi and the new generation of dark side users not to be in opposition for once. by nature of maul being rehabilitated by the jedi, he would teach about them and their teachings with a modicum of respect, and the two orders would be seen as two sides of the same coin. twins, almost.
maul would not be a child snatcher, he was child snatched. the dark side is different from the light in that its always there. it comes much more naturally to force users, and unlike the jedi, it wouldn't require you to join from a ridiculously young age. his order is always known and always open to any force user who wishes to learn about the force.
maul's life comes to an end peacefully, at his home on dathomir, having built a new society for the nightbrothers and a new order for users of the dark side.
#word count: 1.9k#holy wow i did not know i had that many words in me about maul#here's my good things for maul au#in which order 66 did not happen#maul#revenge of the sith#the prequels#the clone wars#star wars#darth maul#jedi#sith#meta#ryn dot text#good things for maul au#ryn dot fic
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