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felikatze · 1 month

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right so. when replaying rejuv for v13.5. i'm literally only on ch9 rn and forgot most of endgame but i'm having thoughts that the interceptor has wayyy more characterization than before.

like i've pondered "is the interceptor a direct player stand-in or their own distinct entity?" before but replaying made me really im favor of the latter

and i think that. the kind of core defining moment of the interceptor as a Person. is always grief. The moment that made them a person is grief.

spoilers for like, mooost of the game, maybe? primarily up to blacksteeple and terajuma though

a lot of waffling without much point other than "i love silent protagonists and unconventional explorations of personhood a lot"

So. the first time control is REALLY taken from the player's hands in how the protag FEELS is. melia's "death". because no matter how you play, the interceptor was stuck in depression for a week and just staring at a wall until they had enough energy to finally set out again in melia's name.

and, really, the FIRST thing they are defined by as a character is the loss of their mother. when the oceana sinks, the protag is the only person left, and the motivation of the pokemon journey for them amounts to "do ANYTHING to fill the void, and maybe find out what happened to mom in the meantime." They miss their mom! A lot!

Blacksteeple is of course the point where this gets even worse. When Nancy dies for them, they're catatonic again. And after that, so much of them is defined by the grief of her sacrifice. Like the optional encounter with a Nancy ghost in Amethyst Cave, right at the top of it, when the interceptor's first brush with grief came in its depths. "Why do I feel this way?" they can't comprehend the emotion they're defined by.

Even before they got a journal to snark around in, sidequests that gave them the occasional line of actual dialogue, the interceptor has always grieved, and they do not want to grieve again.

Like. Okay. The A-Gang, right? Wasn't it that they allowed the interceptor to use their souls because they were tired? this terrible catastrophe happened to them. they're all dead and gone, their home is destroyed, they just... cant go on anymore. their grief destroyed them.

in a way, the interceptor is made to grieve. and they are made to move on, again and again and again.

#feli speaks #pokemon rejuvenation #rejuv spoilers #man.... i truly cannot wait to see all the new stuff #I AM ON CH9 OF 13.5 DO NOT SPOIL #i played all of v12 though

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theprettyarachnid · 2 years

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Which JJK characters do you think would approach their crush first? And who do you think would be the other way round?🌹

a/n: i have not posted in what feels like forever also new font because i dont feel like going through each one and changing shit

warnings: none

characters: itadori, megumi, inumaki, yuuta, gojo, suguru, nanami, sukuna

itadori

🕷 yuuji is the type of person who becomes best friends with their crush instead of shying away

🕷 he doesn't even need to tell nobara or megumi that he has a crush on you, they already know, but he insists on talking about you anyway

🕷 yuuji subtly flirts with you but you can never tell if he's actually flirting with you or if he's just being yuuji

🕷 the definition of the tiktok audio of "they're so pretty! what i am doing wrong???" and then proceeds to cry with nobara or megumi awkwardly patting him on the back because this man does not know personal space

🕷 after awhile though, he definitely ends up accidentally telling you that he has a big fat crush on you

megumi

🕷 does he like you? does he hate you? only megumi knows the answer to that question

🕷 he's honestly a little helpless when it comes to feelings because of how emotionally constipated he is

🕷 he sends very mixed signals

🕷 like one moment he'll be somewhat protective and almost endearing towards you and then suddenly youre getting the cold shoulder

🕷 it starts annoying yuuji and nobara that they start dropping obvious not so subtle hints that megumi has a crush on you

🕷 they both know that you have a crush on him to and it just consists of them loudly sighing or aggressively face palming themselves

🕷 they definitely start taking matters into their own hands after awhile

inumaki

🕷 inumaki makes the first move and this is not debatable

🕷 like yuuji he'll become really close to you but his main goal is to fluster you as much as possible

🕷 when you two are talking he glances at your lips or gets really close

🕷 he pushes any stray hairs from your eyes while smiling at you even if you cant see it

🕷 he occasionally gently flicks your forehead when you've done something stupid or 'annoying' him

🕷 he shares his food with you and always makes sure you two are paired up together

🕷 he tries to make it as obvious as possible without embarrassing himself but if you dont get the hint he just writes in really big letters 'i like you dumbass' on a slip of paper

yuuta

🕷 when he first came to jujutsu high, he would avoid you as much as possible

🕷 but yuuta has built up a lot of confidence over the years, especially because he doesn't have rika attached to him anymore, making him more likely to talk to you

🕷 he always invites you places or asks if you want anything when he goes to the connivence store or even if he's just getting up to grab something

🕷 severely protective but only when you guys are out on missions

🕷 texts and calls you as much as he can when he's sent across the country or even to an entirely different continent

gojo

🕷 do i even need to say it?

🕷 satoru didn't really leave you alone even before he had a crush on you but now he really doesn't

🕷 regularly teases you but never goes too far to the point where you get your feelings hurt or you start to ignore him

🕷 loves when you give him the same energy back which leads to the both of you playfully teasing and mimicking each other

🕷 ready to put his life on the line for you at any moment even if he never gets the chance to tell you how he feels about you

🕷 he eventually does though without having to make a big dramatic sacrifice

suguru

🕷 i have a headcannon that nanako and mimiko went through a phase of pairing suguru up with literally every single person they saw that they thought would be a good fit

🕷 like literally 'contestants' and everything, they acted as if it was some fucking game show

🕷 but besides that, suguru would approach you first

🕷 despite his reputation, he acts like a total gentleman to you and probably puts you on some kind of pedestal

🕷 goes to you when something's rubbed him the wrong way or when he needs an opinion that he can trust or if he just wants to hear you talking

🕷 rests his cheek on his hand while listening to you talk with this kind of lovesick smile on his face

🕷 i think suguru is a bit of a perfectionist so he would plan everything out before telling you how he feels

🕷 definitely has killed anyone that might've said something to you in a somewhat offensive manner, it doesn't matter if you didn't see it that way, he still has them taken care of whether thats downright killing them or traumatizing them so badly that they wished they were

nanami

🕷 i can see him admiring from afar only because he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable if you don't reciprocate those feelings

🕷 but he will make very small advances just to see how you react and depending on how you do tells him enough

🕷 also very protective and doesn't like you going on dangerous missions without him

🕷 it's not that he isn't confident in your abilities, it's more that he literally cannot focus on anything else except you and your safety until you get back

🕷 had to hide his smile when he subconsciously rolled up his sleeves and noticed how you stared before immediately looking away with a not so faint blush on your face

sukuna

🕷 i honestly don't know

🕷 like a part of me wants to say yes but the other part is unsure

🕷 in the scenario that he did approach you first, he gets rid of any competition or threat that might get in his way

🕷 i can see him slowly cutting you off to other people until he makes sure that know you're his and only his or until you're somewhat dependent on him

🕷 he probably pampers you and distracts you so you don't realize that you're seeing your friends and family less and less

🕷 pampers you to no end like whatever you want, you get it

🕷 also has killed for you

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gayhenrycreel · 1 month

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okay i filled out a google doc survey of aro experiences in the queer community and at the end i kinda went on a commie rant, so this is it copy pasted. (yes my mutuals, im aware as i reread this that this sounds like the blorbos 4.07 monologue)

i want people to know that no one should ever be in a relationship just because they want to be considered normal. alloros included. the relationship hierarchy hurts everyone.

hierarchy has always been the problem. its time that people start realising that we are all equals, and the idea of any particular thing being inherently better than another is the basis for amatonormativity, homophobia, racism, transphobia, misogyny, eugenics, and ultimately fascism. "superiority" does not exist.

even the natural world is negatively affected by human ideas of hierarchy. conservation efforts are for animals, occasionally plants, and never for fungi. fungi are barely even researched properly compared to other clades. how many fungi have gone extinct without anyone knowing, because no one cares?

this affects humans directly. penicillin comes from a fungus. hallucinigenic mushrooms can treat anxiety, depression, adhd, and even ptsd. lions mane contains biochemicals that prevent cell death, which means (and research is ongoing) it could slow aging, lead to longer lives, and quite significantly, prevent dementia.

those are just known fungi. imagine how many are out there that could save lives that are endangered and dying, but no one cares to save them because they are small and not very noticeable. theres an antioxidant thats exclusively found in fungi. that means it too could prevent cell damage, such as those that cause cancer.

if i were to get into human prejudice this would go on forever. hierarchy kills. it destroys entire species, cultures, lives. the solution to defeating amatonormativity is to remove hierarchy.

this would also solve infinite other problems. we could no longer have to work our asses off for the profit of billionares. we would use resources when we need them, not for some hypothetical world where they might be bought on mass. no one needs a billion iphones. the slaves who make them certainly dont.

things should be produced when they are actually in demand, not just so elon can get money he will never use. that money could go to education, science, sustainable energy, medicine, conservation, and literally billions of people who are starving because elon and bezos want to think about their sci fi fantasys that they do not allow to become reality by not bloody paying their slaves, as well as hoarding money that could be used by places that could legitimately get people to mars like nasa.

elon works closely with nasa, but nasa cant afford to pay their own scientists. many of nasas workers hate spacex. one even quit over it. there are so many people who could help humanity, who could invent cures for AIDS, vaccines for deadly diseases, better solar panels, solutions for space junk, more efficient farming, more nutritious native plants that people have harvested for centuries before colonizers decided nutrient poor cabbage is better than the vitamin rich indigenous vegetables.

like seriously, there are so many plants that indigenous societies have been eating for thousands of years that the world just doesn't know about anymore.

the wider queer community could do a lot for arospecs by taking off the hierarchy glasses. we all need to take off the hierarchy glasses. its killing the world.

#anarchism #communism #queer #aromantic #arospec #aspec #survey #anti capitalism #anarchy #eco anarchy

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mihai-florescu · 22 days

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i think i feel pretty similar to you in that the world is terrible, depressing, it sucks. that’s it’s natural state and we will always return there. but i thank that even though it hurts there are ideals unhampered by reality, stories we can create where that cycle ends for a moment in a happier direction. it isnt our job or duty as there isnt any grand purpose like that, but there is an opportunity out there to create a story with our lives. whether it’s a well known story or lost by the wayside, those who acknowledge the layer beneath the cheery “reality” that is peddled can be writers of their own. i might be delusional and there really is no hope but i hope to create stories for people to enjoy that elusive dream in if only for a temporary respite and cant give up until i well and truly fail. i don’t know if any of my thoughts speak to you in any meaningful way, but i felt compelled to share as while i think we share beliefs we seem to have come to rather different conclusions. i want to give my life to a story, an art, that will hold ideals the real world can never truly embody and thus cannot really give up as every taste of the real reality only strengthens my resolve. is there something like that for you? i’ve read your blog for a while and in my mind (which is an inexperienced mind so I apologize for sharing its fallible perceptions) you seemed like a fascinating person who holds ideals the world refuses to embody and is slowly sinking under that weight. i know it’s not really my place, so i apologize for my audacity, but i believe that you are the sort of person who can create a true happiness for yourself eventually. well, i mean i kind of have to if i believe that for myself. i have more to say, but it seems this is become a ridiculously long message. i apologize, my words likely have crossed between ideas and lost sense at times. i hope they help, or at least don’t harm. i hope you find loveliness loveliness in your day as you deserve it.

I've been journaling about this yesterday... my entire outlook on life i guess? I know i used to be creative and make projects that i found fun, but i cant find this drive in me anymore, i'm more than ready to give up (if only upset at the way it ended so im pressuring myself to make a good Last Project, but nothing is good anymore. It's all so...plain. useless. banal. there's no wit or multilayer to anything i can come up with anymore. I cant develop an idea anymore. There are enough stories, enough artworks, plenty of them bad, theres no need for me to add to it). Im sure it's just burnout stacked on top of depression and general worsening misanthropy and paranoia, but i don't think i will ever feel more hopeful again.

However i do think art, literature, games, even just stories from other people are keeping me grounded. They're also humanity's only redeeming quality - imagination will save our souls... but my position isn't to be an artist anymore, i cant spare the energy and i dont see a point in it either. I cant do a single basic living thing anymore that others seem to be able to do? I very much feel like an npc trying to do my most necessary tasks as best i can, failing more often than not. I hate getting asked what i'll do on a day off (it used to be often at my internship. I dont even want to imagine what they thought about me, that's another can of worms that still haunts me and contributed to why i became like this). The answer is quite literally Pretend I Dont Exist. I will not do anything. I cant do anything. I stop existing the second you stop seeing me, im just in bed dreading the next time i have to be human. I think when other people say they didnt do anything it's a hyperbole, but i can go weeks, and i have gone months even, without leaving the house, if i wasnt expected to.

Part of me wants to think, hope, i could maybe even get interested in making things again if there was no expectation for me to be a person for a few years, completely disappear off the grid (the expectation to be a person that just doesnt come natural to me anymore... and a specific one at that - achieving goals and moving forward, working, with ambitions or any sort of drive, young and energetic, an only child with a good education earning a living... i despise the idea of making money. I despise consumerism too. I want to fund artists, family owned restaurants, bookshops, cafes, and i do, i spend so much money without realising, but i'm really worried i'll run out and not be able to make any to survive once im older and wont get funds from my parents anymore. So i try to save and fail... My family friends, same age or even younger, are buying their own cars and apartments, successfully working multiple well paying jobs at the same time, with plans for the future...? Id like to know both how and why. How do you have the energy and why do you care. But even if they tell me the answers it doesnt change how i feel in my own life)

But this also has skewed my perception of other people... it connects to how i dont actually understand friendships anymore, im sure i mentioned it recently. Like with being an artist, there was a time i did understand and had deep friendships, i think, but it's quite alien to me now? In the way im not real until i have to interact with someone else, and even then, debatable, theyre not real to me either. Like i know this isnt a good mindset to have but it's either everything is real and i genuinely believe we need to disappear, to put an end to this sad species soon, or nothing is real and everyone's just playing a role in a story i get to watch. In a way taking away people's humanity and making them characters in my head is out of kindness, im being delusionally optimistic and quite frankly parasocial even with "friends", but it keeps me floating, stable. Ish. Still kind of empty but entertained enough. But then actually having a conversation outside my head with them is scary, unpredictable... on good days that can be fun too. My roommate always says i end up on side quests a lot if i leave the house, i think im just open to witnessing new stories... just on good, no, great days though, i cant stress that part enough. Great days are getting rarer and rarer. Most days pass by while im in bed and in my head trying to process anything, where i can barely have a coherent thought, and i wait for the day to end. Today was good for example but i still didnt manage to do anything to earn me the title of person, yet it was good because i 1. Ate, and 2. Didnt cry.

The part of your ask that hit me the most was when you said i seemed like a fascinating person, past tense. Im sure i was, but nowadays im very little even a person. Cant be helped. I hope i managed to explain how and why. If you ever want to share your art, my dms are open, i can maybe tell you about my gallery of failure wips i cant stand to look at anymore. I saw the followup ask with your personal info but im not quite sure what else to say... even this ask took too long to answer and now i need a nappp

#ask #anon #long post

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habeascorpseus · 10 months

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👉👈 can you tell us more about the fnc angel/demon au? 🥺 pretty please?

oh CAN i? okay first things first. this is entirely because of good omens s2 and particularly uses concepts from episode 3 about "angels/demons who go along as best they can". also canon gillion and chip are very azi/crowley coded to me (cmon, gill's a literal paladin sent to the oversea to portend the rapture that he's now doubting the need for and chip is a mischievous little bastard with too much charisma and until recently no concrete stake in anything except for protecting his crew) so yeah. anyways the information will be delivered in bullet points for each person

CHIP

was an angel. a pretty young one, at that. possibly came to existence around the 3rd millennium of mana's society

pretty mischievous and self interested for an angel. lets just say he fucked around and found out, and for it he was kicked out of heaven and fell into hell, but managed to crawl out like the stubborn bastard he is

the form he fell and crawled back to earth in was a young human looking boy. involuntarily, of course. but he often struggled to change his form in the past, instead letting it be dictated by his emotional state (another fairly chaotic and unangelic thing to do), and right now he feels small, weak, and vulnerable

he's picked up by the black rose, and, desperate to belong, he goes along with their assumption that he's just a normal kid, too weak to use much power or even change his form. for the couple years he lives with the crew, he doesnt grow. (this is chalked up to malnourishment.)

unfortunately, now that he's a demon, he has an Energy. and that energy attracts things. in particular: bad shit, and other demons. niklaus takes notice of this crew claimed by a seemingly inexperienced demon and decides to sink it for fun and to see what chip will do.

chip washes ashore on another island with two thoughts: one, he doesnt think he's allowed to be attached to anything good anymore without poisoning it, and two, he needs to be scarier in order to not be fucked with.

so he spends ten years hanging around ruben price, a man who acts so comically, stereotypically evil that chip occasionally doubts how mortal he is, but it seems like price just Like That. a handy trick of being a demon now is that chip can Sense types of energy- positive, negative, etc. what's scariest about price is chip gets nothing off of him, which is why he's the perfect person to watch

things come to a head when price forces chip to kill a man. and, well, its kind of what he's supposed to do, as a demon- but he hates it. in particular, he hates not feeling in control, and it angers him enough that hes finally able to use some demonic power to set price's warehouse ablaze and disappear into the night. (his hands are now blackened from where they caught fire and he now has a tail, being so unused to using magic that using it burnt away his human form to reveal the true form beneath it. he cant really disguise them back to normal because, again, bad at form shifting)

he sets sail on the sea and lands on an island where he follows a particularly strong negative energy to a tavern where he meets...

JAY

girl who's family basically run the navy.

her older sister was just mysteriously murdered around a year and a half ago, and she's going through it

by which i mean, She's Pissed. she wants whoever killed her to be found and brought to justice, preferably with the business end of her own pistol, but her father (an admiral) has fucked off to gods-knows-where and there's not really any leads at home beyond being surrounded by what her sister left behind... she's getting desperate.

she's bartending at her mom's tavern one evening when a guy her age walks in but he's.. wrong. somehow. there's dozens of lanterns and candles in the room, and yet he seems to cast a long shadow behind him no matter where he turns. also his hands are dark claws. she's pretty sure he's a demon honestly.

she's getting desperate and she wants leads. his appearance makes her feel almost irrational in how suddenly she remembers she needs to find her sister's killer.

so, with some part of her screaming that she is being very, very stupid, she offers a deal. vengeance for her sister in exchange for her soul. the demon looks weirdly surprised at this and tells her that her soul won't be necessary, that he needs a crew on his ship and all she needs to do is travel with him. so she accepts, they shake hands, and jay tries to ignore how much her instincts are screaming this is a bad idea.

they set sail two days later on the demon's dingy little ship and begin sailing towards where jay thinks the next largest navy outpost is, and on the way they meet...

GILLION

gillion is an archangel. he's pretty young, all things considered. he's not sure when he came into being, but he's pretty sure he's a replacement for.... someone.

gillion has a destiny, that's for certain. the heavenly council has been training him since his creation for some kind of destiny, though he hasn't really thought to ask what it is. he's sure it's good, though. the heavenly order would never mislead him into committing morally reprehensible acts in the service of a greater cosmic good, right?

his "life" is pretty rigid though. all training, no play, and certainly no contact with the mortal realm, that is, until he follows some of his superiors on their way to bless some admiral of some mortal navy. except... this guy is evil. its written in his the fake smiles, his body language, the way he listens to them with greed in his eyes.

and gillion was destined to smite evil, so he attacks him.

heaven, of course, doesn't take kindly to this, but instead of kicking him from heaven outright, they propose a test of faith: be stripped of most of his divinity and fulfill his destiny within a year in the mortal realm. it's not like he has a choice, so they kick him down to mana with only his sword and a little bit of armor.

he falls into the sea, deep, deep into an undersea trench, where the first thing he sees are a couple tritons. and, yeah, tritons seem pretty cool. so with the last vestiges of whatever divine energy he carries, he becomes a triton and uses his wings (oh thank gods he still has his wings) to propel himself to the surface of the sea.

for a while, he floats adrift, taking in the feeling of being wet and having the sun burn his body where it rests above the waves and the taste of salt on his tongue and the dark spots in his eyes that appear every time he stares too long at the sun. but that's fine. it's.... nice. he can almost forget it's a punishment.

after a day of listless floating, Something appears on the horizon, and then grows closer. its large, and brown, and honestly kind of shabby looking. but it looks cozy, a bit more hospitable than the ocean, and he sends out a dozen silent prayers and thank-yous when the ship suddenly changes course and begins heading Directly for him.

a man pokes his head over the railing of the vehicle and asks if he's okay. his hair is a really pretty color. his eyes kind of remind him of the fires lit to burn sacrifices that he's seen humans make a couple times. a blackened, clawed hand reaches out to grab his, and when they touch, it the crackle in the air feels like the moments just before a smiting lightning strike. he feels forbidden. but gillion's beginning to appreciate the idea of a rebellious phase, so he grips him tightly and lets himself be pulled onboard.

ITEMS OF IMPORTANCE

chip knows what gillion is, gillion does not know what chip is. chip is completely fine with this and is deciding to use it to his advantage in order to do minor devilish activities

what follows is basically the same plot until episode 14, though chip leans a lot more heavily into trickery and temptation

when it's revealed What chip is, gillion is not only Pissed but afraid for jay's soul, convinced that chip has been traveling with her in order to prey and feed upon it. he and chip duel, and gillion wins, as good so often does against evil— but before gillion can smite him and send him back to whence he came, jay steps in and stops him long enough for chip to slip away below deck. she tells gillion she made a deal with him and he blatantly refused her soul, which is why she's travelling with him instead. gillion, now hopeful that he can redeem chip, lets it slide, but. has chip promise to cool it on the demon shit.

the reason why gillion couldn't sense chip being a demon for so long is because he, for some reason, doesn't feel fiendish to him. unfortunately, gillion is too stupid to further entertain this train of thought.

both gillion and chip regain power at the same rate, though their progress is accelerated whenever gillion feels they did something good, and when chip is feeling angry. (this will eventually change)

chip is very bad at being a demon, to the point where he's begun talking jay out of vengeance entirely because it makes him feel bad about making her worse. gillion, ironically, says she should hold herself to her principles and seek justice, in a comical subversion of the angel and devil on her shoulders. they have many an argument about this.

nobody knows chip is Fallen. its one of the main sources of his insecurities and hed rather not have gillion judge him harder, thank you very much.

when chip is offered to have a memory removed by blangus, he attempts to remove his memory of being an angel. this doesn't work, because the memory is a core part of What he is and forgetting that would unmake him. he decides to give up killing a man instead.

gillion's destiny is to bring the rapture. kind of a bummer! gillion's a little in denial about it and the longer he spends with humanity and witnesses their good and their bad and the hope they all carry within them, the more reluctant he is to fulfill his purpose. (it's fine. he has 6 more months to decide. its fine. it's fine. time goes painfully slow for mortals)

eventually the truth of chip's past is revealed, and gillion is Pissed, though not at chip. in hindsight, it's obvious that he was created to replace chip when he Fell, meaning if not him, chip would have been the one to end the world, and that thought sits worse for him than imagining himself doing the deed. perhaps when he gets back to heaven he will demand chip's status be reinstated.

chip is caught between encouraging him to forsake his destiny (he likes humanity, and he likes fucking with heaven's plans) and going along with his destiny to not get kicked out of heaven. falling is painful and awful and he cant imagine gillion playing any role other than good, and he doesn't want him to, because if you're not With heaven, you're a victim of the rapture, and he doesn't want that.

gillion is already halfway on his way to letting himself fall on purpose the more he spends time with jay and chip. he wants to be with chip as long as he can be but every time they touch gillion gets the feeling hes skating on thin ice.

jay is the safest pirate on the sea in terms of other demons and angelic presences trying to fuck with her, both gillion and chip have a deal to smite her father next time they see him.

in chips solo mission with price, he ended up sending him to hell instead of giving him the eye. it is not at all disconcerting that chip can do this

edyn is an angel who helped raise gillion and gave him an immortal soul as a pet. when he was sent to earth it manifested as a frogtopus, and after gillion was sent away edyn followed him to earth and settled down in allport to keep tabs on him through the navy

caspian is Lizzie's guardian angel

anyways theres more but thats the long and not-at-all short of it. hope you like!

#habeas speaks #asked and answered #tigers101 #jrwi celestial au

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transitioningpirate · 8 months

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i've been on T for a little over two weeks now (15 days today, october 18) and i haven't noticed a lot for obvious reasons but i have noticed some things, like:

voice cracks. a lot of voice cracks, and my voice sounds rough, like i have a sore throat. it doesn't hurt at all, and it actually sounds deeper! two (02) people have commented on it, but to be fair, their exact comment was "have you been screaming?"

increase in appetite. which is... i knew it was a possible side effect, but it's much more than i expected, especially since i haven't eaten very well these past months (college is Kicking My Ass) and suddenly i'm hungry, like, all the time. it's actually kind of good for me, because it's forcing me to eat more, and i end up eating healthier, like, i eat better too!

i've been sleeping better? though i'm, like, 99% sure that's just a psychosomatic effect. i've definitely been much, much happier just with the idea of becoming the person i've always known i was deep down. it's significantly increased my mood and my self esteem, even if the effects aren't apparent yet. just the idea of it has made me so much more hopeful! i'm so glad i've made it this far and i get to make it even further!!

oily skin. so oily. the fuck? i mean, i was thoroughly warned and i was ready for it, but it's still more than i expected. i have to wash my face like four times a day now :v soooo annoying

cw: slightly nsfw content. a lot of sensitivity down there. i don't know if it's necessarily bottom growth already, but i've noticed by touch that it seems a bit, enlarged? is that the word? it's a bit bigger. and a lot more sensitive. certain poses i used to sit in, for instance, are almost a bit painful now. it doesn't actually hurt, just bothers a bit, it's only some really specific positions and, well, sensitivity has it's upsides, you know?

im so much warmer?? i feel so hot all the time - in the literal sense!!!! like, okay, im currently living in a state known for being hot and dry and we're getting to november, also known for it's heat waves around here, but seriously, it's so hot. everything is so hot, im running warmer than usual, and ive been sweating so much and i cant sleep without a ventilator in my room anymore! it's also an expected side effect, but it definitely didn't pair well with the state im in for college

more energy! i honestly do believe this is related to #3, though. i don't think it's anything physical, especially because to get to college there's this slope i have to walk and everytime coming home i'm always exhausted and out of air, and that hasn't changed, but for little things - more energy to study, to cook, to clean the house, even at work i've been more proactive and i don't feel as tired as i used to! definitely an upside, though it's probably psychological, i'm fine with that and i'm still so thankful!

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smolweeblets · 1 year

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One I want to thank you for doing my request! I honestly loved it and you’re an absolute sweetheart.

Anyway I can’t be the only one who thinks Jett gets insecure. I mean have you heard her voice lines about enemy Jett? I was thinking of soft moments with Jett after missions? She’s reckless and always pushing to prove herself and her abilities, meaning she gets hurt. Just a bunch of cuddles and soft praising? If you’re not comfortable with Jett something similar with Reyna is more that welcome!

Please ignore if it doesn’t make sense or you don’t want to do it!

Proving ones worth

Jett x reader

This was getting out of hand. Jett’s “endeavors” were happening nearly every mission now, and it was getting more and more risky every time. You've had to drag her back to Sage for most of them as well, and it wasnt hard to imagine how worried you felt each time you find your girlfriend seriously wounded from a completely unecessary play.

:readmore:

This was the final straw. You couldnt see her hurt like this anymore. This time she got herself shot on the abdomen, nothing fatal thankfully, but it still made you sick to your stomach when you had to witness the moment she was shot. Even worse was that she already had other, less lethal gunshot wounds. But with everything accounted for she didnt even have enough energy to get up anymore.

You ran to her side to assist her. First taking care of the Chamber that shot Jett and quickly rushing to get her some basic medical aid.

“Thanks babe, Idont know what I’d do without you.” She tried to joke even through her pain. She inhaled sharply when you put some antiseptic on the wound on her abdomen and then wrapping some gauze around it. It wont help with the blood loss but right now, you had to do something.

“Im afraid I wouldnt handle saying that out loud.” You tried to play along, but the circumstances of the situation led your voice to become flat. You refrained from removing the bullets for now, since doing that would just increase the bloodloss. You poured more antiseptic on the other wounds while she tried her best to keep quiet.

“Awh, lighten up, Sage could bring me back anyway.” She tried to grin, but the stinging of more antiseptic on her wounds made her wince.

You frowned, you were not fond of the fact that she held her life with value such as that.

“Dont say that, you should care for yourself, not rely on someone else to perform a literal miracle.” Your voice was drenched in sadness, and yet you could have sworn you saw Jett roll her eyes. You were doing your best to keep everything together.

Fortunately, Vipers voice through the comm lines helped to shift your focus on something else. They were diffusing spike, thankfully, and she was checking on your locations and status. You answer for Jett and yourself, mentioning Jetts injuries but being otherwise fine.

“Affirmative. We should be leaving soon, get to the designated landing spot asap.”

You confirmed and went to pick up Jett to carry her back to the vulture. You held her bridal style, and it took her by surprise when you just scooped her up like she weighed nothing.

“Hey! Put me down! I can walk by myself!” She whined.

You sighed. “No can do, youre in a bad enough state as it is, I cant risk making it worse.”

“I dont need you to baby me! I can handle myself just fine.” She had a tone akin to a lying child. Mildly amusing, but obviously not the truth.

“Considering how I had to save you from that Chamber, and that if I wasnt there to stop you from bleeding out youd probably be dead by now, I dont think I can take your word for that.” You didnt mean to insult her decisions in battle. But she has starting to wear you down. You worry what couldve happened if you were not on this mission. Or even just not being there at that time.

She frowned at your words. She wouldve argued, but she was feeling too lethargic to do so. She angrily huffed as she clung to your shoulder so you couldnt see her face.

~~~~~

After Sage took care of Jett, she got a prompt scolding from Viper and a firm word from Brimstone. You went to check on her in the evening, much later than you would have preferred.

You found her in her room while she was idly scrolling on her phone and most likely procrastinating on writing her mission report.

She spared you a quick glance before going back to scrolling. Seems her pride was still wounded from earliers events.

“Hey–” You had to confront her about her behavior. She wouldnt be keen on it but you were not going to allow her to continue to do this.

“Hey.” She quickly cut you off before you could say anything else.

You sighed as you sat beside her.

“You know you cant keep doing that.” You softly start.

“I have no clue what youre talking about.” She turned her body farther from you and continued to pre occupy herself with some trivial game.

“Jett. You almost died out there.”

“And? We finished the mission, didnt we?”

“Yes, but–”

“Thats all that matters then.”

“It was only despite you disobeying and being a hairs width away from dying.” You irritatedly sighed. “We would've been just as or even more successful if you stuck to the plan.” You growled through clenched teeth.

“If i just went with the plan i wouldn't even be considered to go on missions next time! Dont you see?! I need to do this, my abilities arent special otherwise!” She snapped back. Finally properly looking at you for the first time tonight.

Your eyes widened at the sudden raise in her tone. But you continued to scold.

“Your abilities really would be useless if you were dead! Have you thought about the consequences if you carelessly rush in?! You are worth nothing if your dead, if you really want to partake in more missions just take care of yourself.” Your voice mirrored hers. You were not about to be talked to that way when you only wanted to help.

Hurt and shock made their way to Jetts expression as she listened to what you had to say. It then quickly morphed into anger.

“I am a duelist! Thats literally my–”

“Thats not the point! If youre so commited to dying at least have it mean something instead of just being a liability for the team!” By the time you finished, you immediately regretted every word.

Jett was crying.

Hot tears were slowly streaming down her face as she desperately tried to stop them. Her mind was replaying the moment you called her a liability. The words echoed in her head. Not allowing her to think, not allowing her to move.

She was paralyzed. She couldnt form a coherent thought to respond to you. She could only stare at you dumbfounded. She thought youd understand. That you were the only one who knew how she was and how she needed to do this. But you were just like the others. You though she didnt deserve to be here.

Her mind flitered the things you said. Even as your frantically tried to comfort her. You tried to hold her hand and tell her you didnt mean it. That she wasnt a liability and that she was important in this whole operation. It was no use. Her hand was limp in yours as she continued to stay unresponsive.

When she finally came to, you were hugging her. Mumbling some words she could barely register. You were crying. And from what she she could gather, apologizing.

“–im sorry, I didnt mean any of it. You arent a liability I just–”

You were cut off by her ripping herself away from your embrace.

“I didnt know you thought about me like that.” The way she said it was so dull and flat, it was almost lifeless.

“What? No! I didnt mean any of that!” You were pleading at this point. Scrambling to fix your mistake.

She inhaled deeply before borderline shouting. “Then why?!”

“Because I was worried and emotional!” You tried to take a deep breath of your own as you continued. It came in more shaky than you would have liked. It felt like none of the air went into your lungs, but you persevered.

“Youre always having no regards for yourself, but it pains me to see you always risking your life like that!” Your voice was scratchy and cracked, but you went on.

“You are a perfectly capable agent who doesnt need to prove anything to anyone here, youve already earned your position and even without endangering yourself you show yourself worthy of it everyday!”

“Its just painful to see the love of my life sacrififice herself all the time for something shes more that qualified for and not being able to do anything, the amount of times ive cried because you were a hairs width away from being gone forever! I know Sage is there but i just dont want you to have to experience that.” Your voice finally gave in after the last word and your throat closed up.

Jett was spechless yet again. Her mind was finally slowly registering your words and she was, for the first time, thinking about her actions.

She looked at you apologetically.

“I… I didnt see it like that…”

You sighed in relief. Your expression relaxed as you got closer to Jett and held her hand in yours.

“About time, you really dont need to look down on yourself that much. I, along with everyone else in the protocol thinks you are already plenty helpful as it is, please dont think anything otherwise.”

“Yeah… ill try, its just really hard, you know?” Her voice was uncharacteristically soft.

“I understand, but I can see youre already making an effort, and thats all I ask.”

“Yeah,” She let out a humorless smile.

“Im sorry.” She let out softly. You almost couldnt even hear it.

“Its okay, right now you need to just take it easy, come on, lets take a nap together.” You ushered her to the bed, and led her to sit down.

“But the mission report–”

“Its okay, ill handle brimstone.” You sat beside her and gave a comforting smile.

She chuckles softly. “I would appreciate that.”

You both sleep soundly, listening to the others rhythmic breathing and heartbeat. For once Jett finally had something stand up to the irritating voice in her head. Something to finally stop her doubts and worries. She slept relaxed for the first time in a while. It was nice.

a/n: SO SORRY THIS IS LIKE A MOTH LATE BUT I LOVED THE PROMPT

Also i think this kinda turned out a little more angsty than you were intending but i hope its still okay

#valorant jett #jett #jett x reader #jett x you

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secondgenerationnerd · 5 months

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Cool stuff about the twins! :D can you do the same with Johnny boy?

Ooooo absolutely! (And if anyone wants to request Jai’s reaction to the amount of smut his sister reads, I’ll happily write it 😂😂😂)

While he admires his father, he chafes at people only looking at him as “Superman’s Son” or “Clark’s boy”. He has tiny acts of rebellion—his hair is usually messier than his father’s, he doesn’t shave that often, he prefers fiction/nonfiction writing to journalism, etc. Again, he loves his father, he just doesn’t want to be his clone.

The Omega Boys play DND every Wednesday night, as a way to relax and hang out. One campaign, Jon played a Hick Elf, complete with a thick accent. He proceeded to flirt with Mar’i in the accent and made her blush.

Also helped Milagro in her “Noir” shoot

Not shown, Mar’i shamelessly checking out his butt

He genuinely forgets he doesn’t need glasses sometimes. Milagro, who I headcannon wears contacts but none of them knew, had to wear her spare glasses. They look almost identical to Jon’s. They’d set them near each other after a training session. Milagro put Jon’s on and immediately walked into a wall. Jon put hers on and got an instant migraine.

He absolutely adores his nephews and nieces. He’s Uncle Jojo and spoils them rotten

I think he finds comfort in cooking and baking. Like Omega usually rotates responsibilities, but Jon volunteers to do most of it anyway.

All the omega boys have a “non-sexual slutty” moment the girls can’t stop thinking about. For Jon, it’s him in the middle of kneading bread, glasses sliding down his nose, shirt sleeves rolled up his forearms, singing alone to the radio. I will not be taking questions or complaints at this time.

Jon truly loves his brothers. Like are they annoying as hell? Yes. Does he want to punch them half the time? Absolutely. Would he kill anyone who hurt them? Without question.

While he’s definitely the most powerful on the team, I do think he would rely on that power to help in a fight. This is in comparison to Mar’i, who was raised around several martial art masters.

Literally started calling Mar’i his wife when they were like 17. They’d been dating about three years and she thinks it’s absolutely, ridiculously adorable.

Realized he was bisexual because of Matty West, his first “guy kiss” being Jack (since Jack has kissed Mar’i for dances). He thought he had it handled okay. Then made the mistake of telling Lian, when their families were over, that there’s no question she could ask in front of his parents he wouldn’t answer or they wouldn’t have figured out. Lian’s response? “You cant date Mar’i anymore. Who on this team are you dating instead and why?” Boy froze in pure bi panic

Anytime an animal is staying in omega tower, they’re given the best food.

He enjoys working on his grandparents farm, helping Pa as he ages, but he wouldn’t want to have a huge farm himself.

You know the trope of “girlfriend’s father HATES her boyfriend”? Yeah, Dick refers to Jon as “My Future Son-in-law” to everyone. Like Dickie knows they’re end game lol

Jon and Kathy Brandon love to tease each other about being little kids, running around the farms, pushing each other into the mud. Jon also helps to do chores around her and Maya’s house. When it’s firewood time, Mar’i and Maya pull up chairs to watch them work. Shamelessly I should add

Very very very much soft dom energy. Like he’s usually good with listening or letting people assume, but there’s a side of him that comes out that MAKES people listen

He and Colin always find away to tease Damian about how whipped he is for Irey.

Damian: hey, be safe

Irey: I will *speeds off*

Jon: *dramatic whisper* be safe

Colin: *fake swoon* I’ll be so safe

Disrespect him, he’ll shrug it off. Disrespect his teammates or friends? Y’all are gonna have a “conversation”. Disrespect his family? No words, on sight. Disrespect his WIFE? He will actually kill you.

I don’t know how or why, but at some point, Comics Jon and his boyfriend, Jay Nakamura, appear in omega tower. Jay and Mar’i? Instant best friends determined to sass their boyfriends

He’s the kinda guy who will get you a drink and just sit with you when shit goes down, until you’re ready to talk.

#jon kent #mar'i grayson #damian wayne #jai west #colin wilkes #milagro reyes #lois lane #clark kent

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ovaruling · 1 year

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negative self talk incoming for whoever needs that idek

regular daily update that i regret having my like 99999 cosmetic surgeries so much and i dont even want to put the exhaustive energy into accepting my face and body atp anymore bc they remain utter strangers who i hate

and despite all of the feminist theory i have read and comprehended and applied to the way i see the world i STILL cannot rid myself of this very specific form of self-hatred and im not even being defeatist when i say i truly know that i will never be at peace bc of the choices i have made. like how can i ever be ok with this. i’d have to be lobotomized to be cool with this

and even besides that the chronic physical pain and damage to my actual nervous system won’t allow me a moment of forgetfulness. like on an amazing day where i’m full of caffeine or xanax i can MAYBE forget what i look like for an hour but it’s impossible to forget that i literally cant physically feel my entire torso and abdomen and buttocks and my upper back and my inner thighs and upper arms and underarms and my jaw and cheeks

but also at the same time i can feel incredible levels of stabbing numb shocks of pain in all of them lmfao.

exercising helps for a bit and reminds me that i can at least move my body around but i always gotta come back to reality where i have to confront that i’m genuinely permanently ill and legitimately brain damaged. like neurologically

and bc of that i went from being a normal adult 10 years ago to now i cant hold a job, cant go back and attend school, cant drive a car anymore, need IV treatments weekly, no independence, no ability to even volunteer for longer than an hour at local animal shelters before i start having problems bc i cant explain to anyone why i need to lie down every 2 hours or else i legitimately go numb and pass out no matter how little exertion im doing, no future where i can help the world the way i want to. i cant even read 2 chapters of a fucking favorite book that i LOVE without getting dizzy for no fuckjng reason. i have to REST from reading a fucking BOOK

and doctors are just like “oh well that’s what happens when you fucking almost die two times from elective surgery lol kinda your fault tbh. you really should’ve just accepted how viciously hated by men your body was. but the human body is so mysterious huh!!! like this is crazy dude lmao. 🤪 so yeah here’s a pamphlet for a support group that doesn’t really fit your needs and some medication that won’t work bc we still don’t really know how to diagnose or treat plastic surgery victims like this bc technically you weren’t in a car crash or anything so we don’t really have enough research rn to fully apprehend what’s going on w your mysterious ass. also you had more surgeries than most ppl ever will be stupid enough to undertake so like we have no idea what to do w you lol!!!!!! there isn’t really data that fits your situation but maybe in 30 years 😌”

just in case anyone was wondering if i changed my mind on cosmetic surgery being true evil!!!!!! lol

ok sorry for the pity party i just really am feeling the weight of it all rn

#im not gonna kms or anything but i still do look forward to the day i die #nothingness will be such a relief #im not looking for advice btw i’m just venting sorry #anti cosmetic surgery

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abucketofweird · 7 months

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I’m currently not okay.

I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen deep into autistic burnout and it has majorly impacted my life.

Over the summer it was easier to ignore because I didn’t have things to do or much to stress about. But now it’s November first and every single assignment, class, and school related thing has destroyed any sense of achievement.

I cant take care of my own body anymore. I sleep for days without getting up to drink water, eat, or go to the bathroom. I put all of my energy into my classes recently and I’ve missed every single weekend because I’ve slept through it. Let alone doing things that require brain power or create massive anxiety for me. Like showering or even brushing my teeth.

My school performance is finally suffering after months of feeling myself drop. My memory is completely shot and I can’t write anything academic to save my life.

I look at an assignment and write it down in my planner and then I have to take a break. I write on half of a sentence and I have to take a break. It took me thirty minutes to write an email that was three sentences today.

I’ve never felt this horrible before. It’s not depression or anxiety. It’s just emotional and physical exhaustion from living as an autistic person. I have my loop earbuds in constantly (even in my safe spaces) and I’ve been able to wear two things out of my closet without having a sensory meltdown.

The only thing I’ve been able to find that people say helps autistic burnout is rest and removing responsibilities and stress from your life. I can’t do that. I am not in the financial situation to take any time off of school without going into a full salary job. I cant even take time off of classes now because I’m in the middle of third quarter and I’ve been slammed with work.

If anyone has any advice or suggestions for therapy I can try or literally anything I would really appreciate it. I’ve always been the high achieving student and now I’m desperately hanging onto my gpa for my scholarship.

#autistic burnout #autistic community #autism ask #autistic #actually autistic #autism #nerodivergent #nerodiversity #neurodivergent advice

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luckyyluka · 1 month

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i have yet to share this with anybody else or on any other platform, but i'm finally accepting that i need help.

lately, i've been at an all time low. starting with the physical health part, i've suddenly developed daily chronic headaches and it's been messing with me SO bad i feel like i'm going insane.

mentally, i've

been going literal weeks without taking care of myself. i haven't been able to eat more than half a meal a day without my stomach getting queasy, even if it's healthy food and not take out.

i've been dissociating so bad that things literally start going in slow motion when i start moving around. sometimes i get this pounding ambiance sound almost in my ears and everything is just fuzzy. derealization/depersonalization has me so fucked up i feel almost as if i'm suffocating sometimes.

emotionally, i'm fine for the most part? in a way? like i'm not actively sad. but i can tell i'm depressed because i don't even talk to my friends online through voice calls anymore, and usually i can atleast keep that up.

i didnt realize how bad any of this was until just tonight. i thought it was just my usual bullishit , bpd daily grind once again, yk? but this... it's so much heavier and i can't handle it anymore.

i'm so truly sorry for how little i've written and how many requests i've promised and just haven't even started on. i want to write so bad, believe me. but right now i just don't even have the energy to live. idk if i'll ever get around to writing again, and i'm sorry. but when things get better, if they ever actually do, then expect to be tagged in the latest response to a request you've ever seen lol

anyways. yeah, i'm sorry. idk what else to say. i just cant do this (existing) anymore

#tw // depression #i'm struggling lol #i'm sorry #derealization #depersonalization #chronic headaches #bpd #epilepsy #help #if you have any experience or advice please send it :(

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sanspuppet · 2 months

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it was his look in the suits that really get me cause guys dont really dress like that anymore, it was so old school and honestly he looks so good in suits it rlly suits him (excuse le pun) and yes i agree a lot of younger idols obvi prefer younger age women / girls. sighhhh. i will just wait till im dead then i can at least be with elvis. literally the only plus side from being mildly older is getting to experience an internet free childhood the downside is everyones hooked online and we cant escape it. otherwise i could live a bit more freely without fretting about age or comparing myself to others and whatnot. also i will probs be dead by the time half these newer generation groups even get married. rip me once again

idfk anymoreee its so weird to think that some 5/6/7 years ago kpop was just gaining popularity and obvi bts and blackpink and nct were go to groups now theres hundreds of them but theyre all like 99 or 00 liners and im like yeah noooo not "stanning" them for me. ik they wouldnt particularly judge older fans bc musics for any age but even so ngl its fucking weird like why cant there be more older groups too or they just going to disband and or retire or go into the military? san in military uniform... n im dead.

i think the thing i like about ateez they do have a rebel punky look to them like they look like villains from a kdrama or general bad boys on stage its so cool, different n hot at the same time, other groups should take some notes. i think newer kpop groups going to struggle vocally anywah cause every song got to have clean performance

mamamoo are so great cause they sing so well and they have minimal dancing which is nice compared to newer girl groups where its all dance glitz and glam or they look dainty and doll like, it sometimes isnt really relatable imho. it just doesnt hold my interest in them fully cause its not my personal taste or again their age might be lack in experience if any of this makes sense? i cant get a time machine and go back to the 50s and the only other relevant music nowadays is kpop so either they should bring more variety or i will eventually forget about kpop cause its always the samey tiktok stuff

sorry my paragraphs are so long cant just sum it up in short sentences

i read all of this but i cannot formulate a reply for all the things you wrote 😭😭 what can i say except that i agree with you, the ateez vibes and energy that comes from all their lore is just on another level

(and talking about military san… 🫣 hehe you’ll see)

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