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sporesgalaxy · 10 months

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good morning on this fine friday at 5am my time! circe clawthorne jumpscare.

I truly think this is very very close to final, moreso than usual lol. I'm quite happy with this

I really can't tell if it would be more difficult for me to try and convert this into proper paragraphs or make it a comic...

well here it is. but wait there will be more!

•••

?: [distantly] Philip?

?: [closer] Philip!

?: Philip Wittebane!!!

P: [weirded out cuz hes in the middle of the woods] What in the–

C: [running up to him excitedly] Philip!!! It’s SO good to see you again!!!

P: [backing away] See me again? Do we know each other, Miss?

C: !

C: Come on, Philip!

C: Surely the King of the Witch Hunters can recognize the Dread Witch Beezelbella when he sees her!

—

P: …

C: [smile falters nervously] ...

[Philip bolts]

C: Wh- Philip!

[He sprints through the woods as fast as he can, but weaving between the trees slows him down.]

[Circe suddenly cuts Philip off, riding on her staff]

P: [flinches away from her so violently that he falls on his ass] GAH!!

C: What are you running away for?!

P: [shielding his face, peeking at her erratically, as if afraid to look directly at her for too long] You’re not real!! You’re some cruel illusion!!

P: Sent to– to torment me, or tempt me to forfeit my soul to the devil!

P: Well it WON’T WORK!! So– gh– [flails his hands in her general direction] BEGONE!

–

C: No no no no! No tricks, I promise!

C: [REALIZES SHE IS LEVITATING] Ah!!! Er…

[she jumps off the staff and holds it behind her conspicuously, too frantic to remember to store it as a palisman]

C: [smiling nervously] I meant to save that for later!

P: [STARING]

C: Here. :) [holds out her free hand to help him up]

P: [looks somewhere btwn angry and scandalized]

[Philip pushes himself further away from her before standing up on his own. He struggles a little because he now seems reluctant to take his eyes off her. Circe looks saddened but not entirely surprised.]

C: Really, I--

[tries to gesture, but is still holding the staff in one hand, and ends up accidentally swinging it towards Philip.]

[Philip flinches again, and stares at it like it might explode.]

[Circe quickly reduces the staff to just a bird and pockets the palisman in her cloak]

C: [smiling apologetically, holding up palms to show she’s unarmed] I’d never dream of hurting you!!

C: [looking at him and still smiling but with pleading, sad eyes] You know that, don't you Philip? No matter how we've changed, I...I'll always love you.

P: [mentally recalculating] …I...see.

C: [beams] Yes!! I pinky promise! [holds out pinky for a second, but quickly drops it]

P: [less defensive body language, but still clearly a little wary] Hm…

–

C: [a bit nervier] Ah-- before we go any further, I need to re-introduce myself!!

P: [skeptical] Re-introduce?

C: [trying to stay chipper but looking more stressed] I know I look different, but it’s…it’s still me!! [she pulls her hair back into a ponytail, looking a bit uncomfortable] See?

P: The…Dread Witch Beezelbella.

C: [frustrated] Your sis– your sibling!!! You know, the one who raised you?? Who spent all those years putting gruel on the table??

P: [frowning] The one who died seven years ago.

C: Er– well– I had to...go away for a while. But I’m here now!!

C: [trying to bulldoze through it] And really hardly anything has changed!

C: I've simply learned I’m much happier being your sister! That’s not too complicated, is it? You understand, don’t you??

P: I…suppose–

C: [bulldozing again] Spectacular!!!!

C: So, you’ll call me Ci– [seems to realize something] Er…just C.C. is fine for now! [nervy smile]

[Philip gives her a perplexed look]

C: Probably easier and, er…good for an Adjustment Period! [nods to herself]

P: [mostly just baffled] …C.C.

C: [nodding more] You've got it!! Same person, new gender! None of the old name and no man words, pretty please!

P: --

C: [before Philip can reply] Great!!!

C: Now, with all THAT out of the way: It’s YOUR turn! [stepping closer to him, as though she wants to hold his hands] Tell me everything! How are you?! What’s happened while I was gone? What have you been up to??

–

P: [leaning away] Oh. Er…

P: I’m…doing very well. I… [“thinks”, bringing a finger to his chin a little too theatrically]

P: …Goodness, so much has changed, I’m not even sure where to start!

P: Really, you ought to just visit the house with me and see what’s changed for yourself. [grabs her arm and gently tugs]

C: [Withdraws, very nervous] Oh, no no no, I can't go into town.

C: You and I of all people should know how–!

C: --!

C: [Squints]

P: …Is something the matter?

C: [Squints harder]

C: ...Do NOT Witch-hunt me, Philip!!!!

P: I have no idea what you’re talking about. I'm only trying to show you--

C: Oh for goodness' sake, NO!!!! I will NOT set foot in that town EVER again!!

P: ...Then you should wait here for just a moment, and I'll return shortly– [beginning to walk away]

C: [Grabs his arm to stop him leaving] [exasperated] I am not an idiot, Philip!!!

C: [sighs] Look, I know this is going to be difficult for you to accept, but magic didn't turn me evil! I'm still just ME!

P: [MAIDENLESS STARE]

–

[Circe continues holding Philip’s arm to keep him there, and for now, he lets her.]

C: As it turns out, you DON’T have to sell your soul for magic! We were completely wrong about it!

P: [EXTREMELY skeptical] Is that so?

C: [frustrated] It’s true! I could prove it to you!

C: ...Well, I guess I can’t PROVE that I still have a soul. Not that I know of. [to herself] I wonder if there’s a spell for that…

P: [extremely sarcastic] Perhaps we ought to enlighten the entire town to the existence of this fascinating *benign sorcery*.

C: [annoyed] Really, Philip?

P: Well, why not?? Since you can *prove* that it’s harmless, let's go prove it to everybody! It would make our lives *so* much easier…

C: Stop it.

—

P: Why, no one would have to do chores ever again!

C: Philip!

P: Maybe we could all be in one big witch’s coven together--

C: ENOUGH!!

C: You've been clear enough already!!!! You still don't like magic, and you don't trust me!!!

C: [takes a deep breath] ...

[Gently, Circe lets go of Philip's arm, which she had been gripping rather tightly.]

[She watches as though expecting Philip to bolt again, but he doesn't.]

[She fidgets with her sleeve as she continues.]

C: Philip, please. Just...just listen to me for a moment.

P: [Opens mouth, looking indignant]

C: [cutting Philip off] You don't have to believe me! I know that you...probably won't. I had hoped--

C: [doesnt finish that thought, looking bitterly sad]

C: ...There's something I need to tell you, but I want to know you'll listen.

P: [scoffs] Why bother if you know I won't fall for it?

C: Because...! Because I have to do something!

C: ...Philip--

[She reaches toward him, and he shrinks back.]

P: You've been gone for nearly a decade.

C: ... [confirmingly guilty face]

P: It took you that long to-- to bother telling me anything?!

P: Why in the hell would I want to believe that?!

—–

P: How could I?!

P: How could I possibly believe that you’d *vanish without a trace,*

P: and then– *reappear out of thin air,* just because-- what, the whim finally struck you???

C: No--! It-- it wasn't a whim, Philip, I would never--!

P: [pulling at his hair] AGH!! Then where have you *been??!!!* Why come back *now??!*

C: I-- it's difficult to explain--

P: I spent YEARS trying to hunt down that *witch*–!

[Circe grimacing/wincing rxn shot]

P: [gesticulating wildly] YEARS hopelessly wondering what might’ve become of you!!!!!

P: I WASTED my LIFE searching for answers!!!!

P: Of course I don't want to believe this!! That you could have come back this whole time, but-- [voice breaking]

P: ...But you chose not to.

–

C: 😟

P: [still angry, but quieter now] And what a cruel joke it would be, for you to finally be here.

P: [hand gravitating towards knife on belt] After I’d finally managed to give *up* on you.

[Circe wants to hug him. She wishes he were still small enough that she could pick him up and squeeze him with all her might. But she thinks better of it. No matter how much she loved Philip, she couldn't afford to trust him right now.]

[Philip's hand is hovering over the spot where Circe knows his knife sheath to be. She feels her heart break a little more.]

[She steadily meets his eyes and keeps her hands at her sides, ready to pull out her staff if necessary. She won't be able to hurt him the way he's apparently resolved to hurt her, but she could run away.]

[She had desperately hoped that Gravesfield's claws wouldn't be sunken so deeply into him, but she knew what it took to survive there. And he had been forced to survive it even longer than her.]

C: ...I’m sorry, Philip.

P: ...

C: I'm sorry for leaving you in Gravesfield alone.

C: I didn't think I had a choice.

[Circe shifts her weight uncomfortably. It feels wrong, measuring how she speaks to Philip, her brother, the person who knew her better than anyone not too long ago. But he isn't the only one she's protecting anymore.]

C: ...truthfully, I…

[It feels loathesome to admit after so many years of spending so much of her energy hiding it.]

C: …I thought you would be better off without me.

—

P: [genuine confusion] ...What?

C: You're a genius, Philip. I knew you could do anything you put your mind to. Make a real future for yourself.

C: But I-- I could barely even keep us fed until we--

C: [looking terribly guilty] ...started working together.

C: I thought that once you could take care of yourself...

C: You could have a normal, happy life. Without me.

P: [pissed] And how do you know that you couldn't be a part of it!? You ran away before you even tried!!

C: I tried for years!! All my trying ever did was put targets on our backs!!!

C: [bitterly] Because I couldn't hold down any job but the most dangerous in Gravesfield.

---

P: What targets?! We were heroes!

P: If you had just stayed, if you had never listened to that witch, we still would be!!

P: Did she say I'd be better off without you?! Is that how she convinced you to leave?!

C: [low, serious] No.

C: I... [ashamed] ...I made up my mind before I met Evelyn.

C: I had already decided you were better off without me.

C: [intense] She's the reason I'm still here to discuss it with you.

P: [shocked, unsettled, doesn't want to process that]

P: That...that can't be true! Everything was fine until she came along!! This was all her fault!!

P: You'd still be normal if it weren't for her!!!

C: [angry on Evelyn's behalf] No!!! I was never normal!!!!

C: And you were the only person who couldn't seem to tell!!!

C: [tearing up] It was going to get us both killed, sooner or later!!!

C: *I* was going to get us killed, because I'm like this!! Because *I* can't live a normal life!!

C: I wanted to protect you. To make your life easier than mine had been, but--

P: You were protecting me just fine before you ran away!!!

P: And what's this nonsense about us getting killed?! We were heroes! We saved the whole town from evil!

C: We were never heroes! We weren't saving anyone!

C: We punished people who didn't fit in!

P: Didn't "fit in??"

P: We punished monsters!! Demons who tortured our neighbors!!

P: Any one of those witches would have sacrificed all of Gravesfield to the Devil had we not stopped them!!

C: And what about us, Philip?!

C: Is there anyone in Gravesfield we wouldn't have sacrificed, had the court willed it?!!

C: [crying] We were such hypocrites!

C: The suspicion, the accusations-- it was exactly the way they used to treat us!! We were outsiders, too!!

P: [falters. that kinda gets to him but he wants to pretend it didnt]

C: [miserable] I justified so many awful things to myself. To you.

C: All because I was too scared to see the truth.

C: And once I finally did...I was too gutless to ask you to face it.

C: We were never any better than anyone else.

C: All of it...

C: It was just murder.

P: [not as much conviction] Don't be ridiculous--!

C: Don't be naive!!

P: ...

C: ...

C: ...I am truly sorry, Philip.

C: I'm sorry that I got us into this mess.

C: I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you like I was supposed to.

C: I was rash. And stupid. But I only ever wanted to keep you safe.

C: ...I still want you to be safe. I'd hoped you could understand, but...

C: [difficult for her to give up on him] ...if you refuse to listen...there's nothing that I can do.

P: [trying to not want it to be real] ...

[Philip looks conflicted, frustrated, trying to find his anger and righteousness again]

P: I-- rrgh!! You're impossible!!!

[He begins to walk in one direction, pulling at his hair, then suddenly turns on his heel and walks the other way again]

P: [exasperated, tring to convince himself] Literally! This is-- this is all impossible...!

[He buries his face in his hands and plops down on a log with an angry grunt]

[Circe watches him, wondering what he’s thinking now.]

[After he just sits there with his face in his hands for a moment, she slowly approaches and sits carefully next to him.]

P: [he is resting his elbows on his legs. He clasps his hands, uncovering his face, forehead against his intertwined fists.]

P: ...

[shot of Circe looking at him sadly]

–

C: …Are you happy in Gravesfield?

P: [Hands still clasped, his eyes open, looking into the woods] …

C: Philip?

P: [flatly] That doesn’t matter.

C: [Leaning forward, trying to look in his eyes] …It matters to *me*…

[Philip unclasps his hands but remains hunched over. He instead holds his elbows, which still rest on his legs. Does not look at Circe.]

P: [cold] So you say.

[Circe shrinks back]

[the two sit in silence for a moment. Birds chirp, and the bare tree branches sway in the breeze above them.]

–

C: [quietly] …are the trials as bad as they used to be?

P: …

P: [even tone] Less frequent.

C: [hopeful] That’s good.

P: … [furrows his eyebrows]

C: Do you still–

P: Yes.

C: [saddened] …

P: I am protecting people.

P: I’ve prevented what happened to you from happening again a dozen times over.

[Circe pales. Philip still is not looking at her.]

P: [clearly bitter about something] I’m *careful.* [seeming more vexed than proud] I’ve done more research than *anyone.*

C: [examining his face] …Research?

P: …

C: [dawning ] Do they *understand* that’s what your doing?

P: [intensely, looking only at the ground] It doesn’t matter. I can prove it.

C: [scared] Philip, are you in danger?

P: [breaks a twig off a branch on the fallen log with his left hand] [curtly] *No.*

P: [looks annoyed at the stick momentarily. passes it to his right hand] Because *I* am not a witch.

P: [slightly hesitant] …obviously.

—-

[Philip starts doodling in the dirt with the twig]

C: [losing patience with his stubborness] Do you honestly still believe that only real witches get accused? Get *punished?*

P: [stops drawing. gives her an angry sideways glance. then glares at the dirt again] …

P: …*Yes.*

P: As long as you do it *correctly.*

C: [furrows eyebrows] ……

[Philip resumes, scratching the dirt more forcefully.]

C: But–

P: Witches die because they are born doomed.

[as he says “doomed,” Philip finishes drawing The Belos Mask with a final, forceful scratch]

C: That’s what we were *told*. That doesn’t mean it’s true.

[Circe looks at Philip, expression somewhere between grim and pleading, but he won’t look up from his sketch]

——

P: [darkly] What does that mean for you, then?

[Circe is taken off-guard]

P: Do your witch-friends know what you used to do?

P: Or are you lying to them, too?

C: I–!

C: …

C: [quieter] …Not all of them know.

P: [snidely] Hmph.

C: [with a bit more conviction] But the ones that *do* know…

C: They know that I was scared. And trying to keep us safe.

C: There are people who understand that I truly thought I was doing the right thing.

C: [guilt] That I would give anything to undo it now…

C: [focusing on Philip again] They trust me, and love me, even though I’ve made…terrible mistakes. Even though I’ll *always* make mistakes.

C: [trying REALLY hard to get through to Philip] *Gravesfield isn’t all there is.*

P: …

[Philip scratches out the doodle forcefully.]

P: [unhappily] Good for you.

—-

[a prolonged beat of silence, save Philip’s stick scraping against the ground as he scribbles slowly, randomly on the spot where the doodle used to be]

C: ...If you want–

[suddenly, Philip throws his stick to the ground and turns to Circe]

P: [frustrated noise] Would you just get this over with already?!

C: [taken aback] What?

P: For Christ's sake, I don’t care what you want anymore!! Just take it!!!

P: You win! Enough with this awful vision!!

C: [baffled] Wha–! I-I’m not–! You still don’t believe that I’m real?!

——-

P: You *can’t* be!

P: [breaking a little] I only *want* you to be real!

P: I *want* you to be *alive*!

P: I don’t *want* to be *alone* any longer!!

P: But you insist on dragging out this awful charade!!

P: [becoming more desperate than angry] Why can’t you just lie to me?!

P: Tell me that you never wanted to leave at all!! That you're back for good! That nothing’s changed!!

P: *Something*– *anything* that’s actually easy to go along with!!! Isn't that what you're supposed to do?!

[Circe looks hurt]

P: Don't I even get to die thinking that I could be reunited with– with you?!

P: [losing steam] …What could you possibly want that you haven’t had the chance to take from me already…?

[a beat. Circe’s expression has closed off considerably. Philip rubs his face for a moment, then looks up again.]

P: Please. Get it over with. Kill me, or whatever it is you came here to do.

P: Or for God’s sake leave me be.

[wide shot of them sitting in unhappy silence]

——

C: [very quietly] …Alright.

[Circe stands, brushes her skirt off. Philip remains sitting, not looking at her]

C: I suppose I’ve done all that I can, then.

P: …

C: I won’t disturb you again.

P: …….

C: I’m still thankful that I could see you one last time.

P: ………..

C: [trying to keep composed] Please…stay safe. Take care of yourself.

P: ……………..

—

C: I love you.

P: …………… … …

C: [offscreen] Goodbye, Philip.

[she walks away]

[a beat passes]

[Philips resolve breaks. As he looks up–]

P: Ca– C.C., I–

[–he realizes he is alone again.]

P: ….

P: [slowly, he stands. brushes his jacket off. walks away.]

#circe clawthorne #toh #suicide mention #<- still just implicative but closer to explicitly referenced now #ohhh they both have so many problems. yippee!!!!

236 notes · View notes

silverwhittlingknife · 1 year

Note

How do you feel about Jack Drake?? What are your thoughts on him and Tim’s relationship?

Anon, I hope you were interested in a novel, because look, I am fascinated by Jack Drake. He’s key to a whole lot of what I find compelling about Tim as a character, and if I were in charge of DC, I’d bring him back to life. This would make Tim unhappy but would IMO make for good plotlines.

Jack and Tim’s relationship is Complicated (TM)...

Jack and Tim hug in Nightwing 20 / Jack impulsively yanks a TV out of the wall in Robin 45 / Tim grieves in Identity Crisis

“I could tell the truth. But I don’t.” - Robin 66

...and it involves a whole lot of Tim lying, and feeling guilty about lying, and thinking about telling the truth, and choosing again and again to keep lying.

And I think that’s great.

Below the cut:

Shorter version - key points about Jack

Really long version - my gentler take (vigilantism is choir and Jack loves sports) vs. my harsher take (Jack has some major flaws)

Final thoughts

Shorter version - key points about Jack:

He’s a bad parent. He’s self-centered, he consistently prioritizes his own comfort and interests over his son’s, and when upset, he does things like order Tim off to boarding school.

But he’s never a bad parent in an actionable way. He’s not like David Cain or Arthur Brown, who are abusive monsters. Jack’s not a monster! He just...kinda sucks.

He genuinely loves Tim. If Jack’s aware that Tim’s disappeared or is in trouble, he’s always worried and upset. He periodically resolves to be a better dad, and IMO he’s always sincere.

And Tim loves him, a lot. Tim’s protective of him and worries about him when he’s kidnapped or in danger, and when they’re reunited, Tim’s really relieved and usually hugs him (and Jack hugs back!).

...But they have very little in common, and that’s a problem. Jack doesn’t value the things that Tim values, or respect the people that Tim admires, or care about the things that Tim’s interested in. Tim lies to him a lot, but that’s partly because he correctly guesses Jack wouldn’t respond well if he knew the truth of what Tim’s up to.

The Batfamily is a surrogate family that Tim’s drawn to because of the ways his real family doesn’t meet his emotional needs…but also he feels guilty about that and disloyal. (And to the extent that his dad recognizes what’s going on, he's jealous and resentful!)

Very long version:

(LISTEN I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS)

Okay! So first: Jack’s a character who IMO is pretty up for interpretation. You can interpret him very charitably, and make excuses for the bad behavior, and fill in the blanks sympathetically when situations are ambiguous; or you can interpret him uncharitably, and emphasize the bad behavior. I don’t think either approach is invalid - it depends on what kind of story you’re interested in! I have enjoyed Bad Dad stories and also stories that redeem Jack.

My personal take on canon is that Jack and Tim’s relationship is in a gray area. Jack's definitely neglectful, and he does prioritize other things over Tim, but he’s never so bad that Tim can easily reject him, and he's never so bad that Bruce could justify taking Tim away. He's just...not great. Tim loves him, and feels loyal to him, but it’s a very mixed-up complicated love.

I have a gentler take and a harsher one which I switch between as the spirit moves me. xD

My Gentler Take (tl;dr: vigilantism is choir and Jack loves sports)

Here’s the core conflict: Jack and Tim are very different people with different values. Tim idolizes Bruce and Dick and vigilantism, and secretly gets involved, knowing his dad will hate it. He gets increasingly wrapped up in his secret world and lies to his dad...because if his dad finds out, he’ll make Tim quit.

This is a great setup for an ongoing comic. It’s practical, because it provides endless potential for plotlines, and it’s nicely thematic, because it maps closely onto relatable real-life situations with extracurricular activities:

Tim the drama nerd whose dad thinks he’s playing football and not in the school play;

Tim the closeted-queer kid secretly getting involved in his school’s politically-active Gay-Straight Alliance;

Tim the choir kid whose dad only values making money and wants him to go into the family business (and Tim keeps promising himself he'll give up choir soon, definitely soon, but maybe he'll stay in just a liiiittle longer, because they need him, you see, the last tenor left town, so...);

Tim the computer geek with the sports-obsessed dad (this one’s just canon);

etc. etc.

The extracurricular metaphor works pretty well for Tim’s relationship to vigilantism. Tim's involved in his "extracurricular" because he genuinely thinks it's important and fulfilling, and he values it and wants to be good at it. He idolizes Bruce and Dick because they're good at it. He's been collecting information about it since he was a little kid, and hiding it from his parents because he knows they wouldn't approve. And mayyyybe there's also an element of low-key rebellion against his dad, and maybe that's secretly part of the appeal. And yet also as Tim gets more and more invested, he starts to daydream: maybe I could tell my dad and he'd be proud of me and supportive. But he doesn't, because actually he knows his dad would be upset and angry and make him quit.

And - again, just like with lonely kids and extracurricular hobbies - one of the things that happens is that Tim starts getting his unfilled emotional needs met ... by people he knows through this secret hobby. And people like Bruce and Dick start turning into a surrogate family. Which Tim feels guilty about. And also as Tim gets more and more wrapped up in their world, he has to lie to his dad even more, which means the distance between Tim and his dad gets bigger and bigger and more and more unfixable.

I love this dilemma. It's simple, it's recognizable, it provides endless sources for conflict, and there's no obvious solution! Tim can't tell Jack: he'll make Tim quit! And Tim doesn't want to quit, because he loves choir / art / theater / whatever. Yeah, it’s difficult, and there are challenges, and sometimes he has doubts...but at the end of the day, he cares about it a lot. And everything he values is there, and all the people he admires and cares about are there, and all he wants in the world is to feel like he's one of them and belongs there. So he has to lie, even though he doesn't want to lie, and he feels guilty about it...

...but also he ends up lying more and more.

(Sidenote: I think it's important that Tim chooses to keep lying - Tim's narration often glosses this as "I have to lie to my dad," and that's certainly how it feels to Tim, but this... isn't quite true. He has to lie to his dad, because if he doesn't, his dad will get mad at him and try to stop him, not because he literally has no choice about it.)

Other Reasons Why I Like The "Secret Extracurricular" Interpretation

(tl;dr it complicates not just Tim's relationship with his dad, but also all his other relationships)

Tim's problems have some obvious parallels to Steph and Cass, who both become vigilantes while rejecting their evil supervillain dads. But Jack isn't evil. And that means the Tim-and-Jack relationship is ambiguous and complicated in ways that I like. Steph and Cass can just leave their Bad Dads in prison, and say good riddance, and feel very righteous and triumphant about it! Tim’s more complicated. Tim gets into vigilantism ostensibly out of duty and altruism, but secretly, he's also involved for straight-up selfish self-fulfillment reasons. He's lonely, and bored, and his life feels pointless, but he thinks that Bruce and Dick are cool and amazing and he wants to be a part of the things that they do. When his dad gets jealous of Tim’s relationship to Bruce, and feels like Tim’s looking for a surrogate family, he’s... not wrong.

And the ways in which Jack is not Actionably Bad complicate things from Bruce's POV. If Jack was a straight-up villain, it’d be an easy call to keep in touch when Jack finds out and makes Tim quit...but he’s not a villain, not really. So what do you do? Do you try to surreptitiously stay in touch with Tim even though you’re ignoring his dad’s express wishes and thus forcing Tim to sneak around? Do you respect his dad’s wishes and stay away from Tim even though you have a years-long relationship at this point?

Again: a bit similar to the extracurricular analogy. Say you’re the choir director and you’ve built this whole relationship with a kid in the choir, and you’re an important mentor to him and you care about him etc. etc. etc.... and then right before a big performance, his dad finds out he’s been secretly involved, and yanks him out. How would you react? Well, maybe kind of in some of the ways Bruce reacts. You replace him. You’re annoyed with him. You miss him. You want him to come back. You’re also worried about him. You’re upset with his dad. But also... what should you do, exactly?

Bruce and Alfred and Dick care about Tim as if he were part of their family, but he’s not part of their family, and there’s a lot of interesting tension there.

My Harsher Take

Jack never hits his son. But his temper is a big deal.

In his worst moments, he takes out his anger on Tim’s stuff - wrecking his room, or ripping his TV out of the wall and confiscating it. When he’s worried about Tim, he usually expresses that fear by yelling at him / punishing him / sending him away - threatening to send him to boarding school in Metropolis in Robin III, or threatening to send him to military school abroad in Robin 92, or actually forcing him to go to an all-boys' boarding school post-NML.

This is bad behavior! It is Not Good!

And you can easily connect the dots to a bunch of Tim’s terrible coping mechanisms, like the constant lying and or the fact that Tim’s go-to methods for dealing with interpersonal conflict are 1) repress it and pretend it never happened (most of his fights with Bruce), 2) withdraw from the relationship until he can pretend the conflict doesn’t exist (when his friends get mad at him in YJ, he quits the team for a while), or 3) literally run away from home.

Also, Jack is a Manly Man with firm opinions about how men behave vs. how women behave, and he thinks boys shouldn’t be scared and thinks Tim should date hot girls and pushes Tim to work out and wants him to play football and expresses period-typical sexism, etc. etc. etc. ... and though obviously this wasn’t what the writers had in mind at the time, all of that is certainly interesting to read backwards in the light of Tim as a queer character.

More Disorganized Thoughts on Jack Drake

Tim’s our hero, so we’re naturally more sympathetic to him, but it’s also true that relationships are a two-way street, and Tim doesn’t value any of the things his dad values, either. Jack at various points is shown to care about grades, business, money, boarding schools, archeology, football, a kind of macho bragging-about-dating-hot-women ethos, and a very public and performative kind of caring. Tim tends to respond with discomfort or disinterest or even disgust. When Jack gets on TV to try to rally the government to save his son from No Man’s Land, Tim isn’t touched—he’s mortified. When Jack makes some bad investments and loses money, Jack’s deeply upset and his self-image is majorly impacted, and far from being sympathetic, Tim’s annoyed and kind of contemptuous of the idea that this is a problem. Jack thinks fishing in the early morning and going to tennis matches is a fun father-son activity; Tim finds it exhausting and tedious. And so on.

This means that Tim often longs to be closer to his dad in theory, but this longing is more tied to fantasy than to reality. He rarely seems to enjoy spending time with His-Dad-The-Actual-Person. So for example, when Tim’s deadly ill with the Clench, he has an extremely poignant fever dream about telling his dad the truth and getting hugged…even as he insists in real-life to Alfred and Dick that he does not want them to tell his dad what’s going on.

The same is true of Jack, who IMO genuinely wants to be closer to his son and is continually declaring that he’s going to turn over a new leaf and get closer to his son…and just as continually backs out of activities or loses his temper when faced with spending time with his actual son.

Tim and his dad sadly get along best—by far—in Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder situations. When Jack gets kidnapped or is in danger, Tim worries for him (and Tim grieves him deeply when he dies). When Tim disappears or runs away, Jack’s genuinely worried about him. So e.g. they have a really moving emotional reunion and hug when the earthquake hits Gotham, and Tim panics about his dad’s safety and comes running home (and meanwhile Jack’s been panicked about Tim’s safety!). It’s the day-to-day, regular life stuff where they don’t connect.

Jack's written quite differently by different writers. Mostly, Tim's parents are at their least likable in his early appearances and early miniseries (this is where you get, for example, Jack and Janet being nasty at each other while a pained employee looks on, and Tim disappointed to once again get news of where his parents are via postcard - "I guess that sums them up! Never know where they’re going to be–or when–or even how long!” - and Tim alone on school break, and Bruce and Alfred thinking there's something weird going on with Tim's parents, etc. etc.). Jack's more sympathetic but still often unlikable in most of Tim's Robin solo, and he's almost invisible (but positively treated if he does show up) in Tim's team books.

For obvious reasons, Jack's remembered way more sympathetically after his death. Tim's completely devastated by Jack's murder, which he arrives moments too late to prevent, and he basically never gets over it. We see him grieving Jack again and again in Robin, and also in Teen Titans, and also in Resurrection, and again in the Halloween Special, and again in Batman: Blackest Night, and all the way up to the end of Red Robin. Tim also grieves for an extended time over Janet - he hallucinates a happy reunion with her when he's feverish in Contagion, and hallucinates her in the final issue of Robin, and the reveal-your-buried-emotions song in Robin 102 brings up his grief for her too (meanwhile, other characters dance or laugh or otherwise get giddy). Tim’s grief over his parents’ deaths is intense and long-lasting.

I'm not going to clip comic panels because this is long enough, but if you're curious, here's a nice and fairly lengthy compilation of comic panels with Tim and Jack.

If you're interested in a Jack-centric story with a softer-but-still-recognizably-canon take on Jack, I really like the way Jack’s narration is written in the one-shots Heart Humble (set shortly before Jack dies) and Never a Hero (Ra's resurrects him during Brucequest, and Jack's archeology skills turn out to be unexpectedly useful).

#tim drake #jack drake #ask tag #i wrote this ages ago and now i can't remember what i was going to add to it so oh well draft amnesty? sorry for the long wait anon!! <333 #anyway i kept this carefully on topic and virtuously did not derail into talking about the other blorbo but tags are for disorganization SO #for me this kinda half-in half-out place where tim is with the batfamily is SUCH an interesting part of his relationship with dick #and i never stop turning it over in my head #he's kiiiinda replaced dick in that he's robin - but in a very real way he *hasn't* - he's NOT bruce's new son the way jason was #and early!tim makes a BIG POINT of how bruce is not his dad #and i think this relative distance from bruce is a huge factor in why dick is able to build a close relationship with tim at all #(because dick's still pretty estranged from bruce!)#and there's such interesting tension there when dick starts jokingly calling tim ''little brother'' or when villains call them brothers #because they're NOT. increasingly they would both LIKE to be brothers! but dick has zero official standing in tim's life #if tim got hit by a car in his civilian identity bruce and dick wouldn't even be able to visit him without his dad's permission #which jack would be pretty unlikely to give! jack doesn't like or trust bruce!#or like. this is morbid. but if tim died. dick wouldn't even be invited to the funeral you know?#and there's such interesting tension there for me in the contrast between this vigilante relationship that's very very close #but in their civilian lives no one would assume they're anything in particular to each other #anyway the 1st half of tim's robin solo has this thread of tension between tim's family life vs. his vigilante life (plus his mom's death)#and then the second half + red robin has the thread of struggling with grief in a world that's not fair + feeling lost/alone #and these two threads are a big part of my interest in tim as a character! jack's the backdrop that makes a lot of stories possible

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critterbitter · 4 months

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(cracks knuckles) alright, let's get to the funnies.

@atxin1 Thank you so much! The lab coat's actually a real coat I wear. Most of my friends can probably recognize me cause I look like a crumpled napkin, heh. @roseworks Oh boy HOWDY. On one side, it's a not a great thing that Litwick's cheerfully stealing bites from Emmet, but on the other hand keeping her with somebody she won't consume like a caprisun's... probably for the best for all parties involved. (I'll shuffle that under comic ideas though!) @coredesignixandnekonee (Chuckles morosely) dude I feel that. I am playing a b2 run with a friend, we're currently eating dirt right now. (larvesta's the oldest baby in the world. congrats!) @candyglumboy Ah sorry, I'm not open to art requests right now. Thank you for asking though! (Blaziken is VERY cool but a tad complicated to draw quickly for me, haha.) @i-do-a-little-drawing You know those dogs that start off as lap dogs and then think they stay lap sized even though, you know, they take up the entire couch? That. That's the energy I wish to go with. (Shuffling THAT into my comic ideas as well! Thank you for your giant galaxy brain good captain.)

#ask #mailbox

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sorencd · 7 months

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PROLOGUE: LIKE THE MOVIES

─ i want a love like i've seen in the movies.

september 19, 1957 ── 10:46 am

the bookshop, for the majority of the time, was quiet. only the sounds of customers opening the door from time to time was what could be heard. because usually, when people go bookshopping, it's done quietly. a certain pair of cheeky best friends, clad in coats and sweaters that entered the shop about an hour ago was an exception, though. the previously quiet and quaint store was now filled with hushed chattering amongst themselves and the occasional faint laughter.

examining the covers of books was your second-most favorite thing to do, aside from reading and smelling the comforting scent of aged and new books alike. neil would always stare at you incredelously whenever you took a sniff of a good old book's pages. in your defense, they really do genuinely smell good and of you could, you'd bask in the aroma forever.

"this book looks cool."

neil handed you a book with a bright cover, the title 'catcher in the rye' written in bold. you flipped it over a few times to examine it properly, it did pique your interest quite a bit, but not fully.

"what's it about?"

"it says here; 'the comic and touching novel about a raw american adolescent, which has become recognized as a key book of the present decade.' hm, it's all about adolescence, obviously." he ended, flipping the book over to look at the front page again.

"you gonna read it?"

scanning your eyes over various titles on the shelves, you couldn't find a single one that you haven't read, and if you hadn't read it, it didn't really sound too enticing to you. you were about to move to another shelve until one finally spoke to you. pulling it off where it comfortably sat between two other books with a smile, you held it in your hands carefully.

"i just might. have you found a book to read?"

"yeah." you blatantly responded, revealing the book that was in your hands. showing him the title of whatever piece of literature you were able to put your hands on.

"really, 'the cat in the hat?'." neil arched his eyebrow with a smile.

you laughed at his response and at yourself. it was maybe a bit silly, reading a children's book. but you couldn’t find anything else.

"yeah! nothing could go wrong with a dr. seuss book."

"if that's all your brain could comprehend i totally understand you, (y/n)."

shocked with what just came out of neil's mouth, you shoved his arm with faux hurt and a loud laugh. you're sure there are people watching the two of you and are giving you weird glances with how rowdy the both of you are being. you pulled your eyes away from neil to look at the selection of books once more, and another title caught your eye. repeating the same action from earlier, you took it out from where it was sandwiched.

"would you rather read this one? 'how the grinch stole christmas', it's perfect for someone like you. you could play the grinch."

"i will as long as you play max."

the pair of you were in another fit of giggles, teasing each other about ridiculous other things just to get a reaction out of the other. at this rate you're going you'd probably never be able to buy a new book to read before lunch.

"i think i'll just read 'the lord of the flies', no snide remarks neil."

"i wasn't planning on saying anything!"

"yeah ok. you go on outside, i'll be the one to pay for the books."

"it's alright, i'll wait for you."

to anyone who isn't close friends with the both of you, this could be easily misinterpreted as an interaction between a couple. but you assure them that you're just friends. moments like these however, constantly keeps you awake at night questioning if you still see neil as a friend or something more. you hated thinking about it, since you might just be giving meaning to things and you'll wind up hurting yourself in the end. why are feelings so complicated?

the clerk handed you your change and waved you off goodbye. the pair of you scuttled out of thr bookshop and into the slightly-chilled streets.

"where should we go next?" you looked at neil, hoping that he'll suggest you two visit the new cafe a few blocks down. you were a bit hungry despite doing nothing, but you were still hungry. and thank heavens neil knows you like the back of his hand.

"you wanna stop by the new cafe? the food on display always looks amazing whenever i pass by."

"brilliant idea! best decision you've ever made, neil. i must say. truly commendable."

side by side, you started walking on the pavement with your hands in each of your own pockets, respectively. neil was keen on striking up another conversation, judging by the brand new topic he had brought up seemingly out of nowhere. but you weren't complaining, you loved talking to him. that you couldn’t deny. and while the world continues moving on, your journey towards the cafe was a foot.

#HIHIHI HERE IT IS!!! i almost forgot to post it like #also i'll format it properly once the wifi returns #i am currently on data #and i hate it #but here it is!!!#neil perry x reader #dead poets society x reader #neil perry #dead poets society

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minisugakoobies · 2 years

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In Good Hands | JHS

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Genre: smut, porn with the barest of plots, a tiny bit of hurt/comfort, Ranch!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: sex work, swearing, drinking, kissing, grinding, marking/love bites, humping, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), hand job, dirty talk, protected sex, riding, lots of orgasm talk, allusions to unsupportive/asshole exes/partners, Hoseok's a fucking pro (in every way)

Word Count: 8.5K

Disclaimers: NSFW, obviously I don’t own BTS - they just inspire me

Summary: Once again, another partner has left you feeling unsatisfied. Maybe it’s time to call in an expert. Don’t worry, Hoseok knows exactly what you need.

A/N: Well, this started out as a PWP and then a little bit of plot crept in there anyway. 🤷‍♀️ Whatcha gonna do? Thank you to @reliablemitten for taking a look at this one for me. 💜 And to the rest of the writers in the Bangtan Ranch collab, for inspiring me with your kindness and talent! 🤠

Please don't be a silent reader! 🥺 I'd love to hear what you think! My inbox is always open 💕

Bangtan Ranch Masterlist

It’s over your second glass of champagne that you tell him.

Hoseok’s eyebrows shoot up almost comically as he chokes on his drink, wincing when the bubbles tickle his nose. Not exactly the reaction you’d been hoping for, but at least he’s not laughing at you. And to be fair to him, the two of you were in the middle of a conversation about the amazing dinner you had just shared. Clearly, he hadn’t been expecting for you to blurt out, “No one’s ever made me come from sex!” when he’d asked, “Do you like to cook?”

This isn’t how you planned on telling him. It’s because you’re nervous. You’ve been nervous ever since you arrived here this morning.

All of your friends had been rather surprised when you’d announced you’d planned yourself a little weekend getaway at Bangtan Ranch. You weren’t really an ‘outdoors’ type of person, as more than one friend felt compelled to point out. And it’s true - you much prefer the comforts of home to roughing it in the wilderness. But you shut down their incredulous questioning with one single word - glamping.

So as far as your friends are concerned, you’re here for a weekend of pampering, staying in a modern little yurt instead of a tent or cabin, with running water and electricity and a king sized bed fully furnished with plush faux fur blankets. The tiny space includes other luxurious amenities, such as a fully stocked bar and a hot tub on the deck around the back. It’s a true oasis, a place where you can unwind away from the stress of everyday life.

A self-care weekend. That is what your friends believe you’re on, because that is what you’ve convinced them. But the truth is far more complicated. And embarrassing. Because you’ve chosen to stay at Bangtan Ranch for one specific reason. Which you’ve just shared with Hoseok, accidentally, tongue loosened by the alcohol coursing through your veins, letting your anxiousness override your filter.

The day has been fairly relaxing so far. After checking in, you went on a little tour of the grounds, taking in the sights you recognized from online, like the corral where the horses roam, and the lake where fly fishermen launch their lures into the shimmering crystal waters.

In the late afternoon, you’d scheduled yourself a massage, thinking it might help you loosen up a little. Your masseuse brought their portable table out to the yurt and did their best to put you at ease, but somehow you retained the tension you’d brought to the ranch with you, muscles stubbornly remaining tightly drawn, like you were shielding yourself, trying to keep your secret as long as you could.

After the masseuse packed up and left, you took a shower, then dressed for your date. There was a knock at the door not long after that as Hoseok arrived, followed quickly by your dinner. The kitchen staff at the main house provided a sumptuous catered meal of steak and roasted veggies, with fresh strawberries and cream for dessert. And lots of champagne. After such a feast, you should feel content, but you’re still keyed up.

Hence the blurt.

“No one? Not once?” Hoseok has recovered from the drink flooding his lungs. He places his glass carefully on the table between you before running a hand through his chestnut hair. He’s even more handsome in person than his profile on Bangtan’s website suggests. And that’s saying a lot, because you’d literally gasped upon seeing his photo when you’d scrolled through the staff section of the site.

You shake your head, gaze focusing on the half-empty flute in front of you. “Not once.” Unable to look him in the eye, like you’re divulging a shameful secret. You’re an adult who has had more than a handful of sexual partners in your lifetime, and not a single one of them ever gotten you off during sex. Not. A. One. After the first few left you feeling unsatisfied, you figured it was a run of bad luck. Just some lousy lays. But it kept happening. Over and over. In both relationships and one-night stands.

You learned pretty quickly not to bother bringing it up. That conversation never went well. Instead, you perfected the fake O - you knew exactly how to move, how to moan and yell, make it seem like you were awash in ecstasy. Eventually, though, you got tired of acting. So you stopped altogether.

It’s been months since your last date. Occasionally, in your loneliest hours, you’ve thought about putting one of those apps back on your phone and swiping through your options, but any time you go down that train of thought, you inevitably arrive at the same question. So before you put yourself out there, you need to know first. Which is why you’ve hired an expert to help you out.

An expert who is silently observing you now, waiting for you to go on.

“I feel like I should clarify a few things. Um. I’ve had a lot of partners. Not a crazy amount, but more than a few. And none of them could get me off.” You glance up and find his warm eyes locked on your face. You can feel your neck starting to warm, embarrassment settling itself into your bones. Grabbing your flute, you down the rest of your drink before continuing. “And it’s not that I’ve never had an orgasm. I’ve had plenty, just always by my own hand. So I’m here because… I need to know. If - if it’s me.”

“If it’s you?”

You nod. “Yeah. Like, if I am the problem.”

His brows knit together as he stares at you. “You think you are the reason your partners have never brought you to orgasm? When you just said you’ve gotten yourself off plenty of times?”

Another nod.

He sighs, plucking a strawberry from the bowl and swiping it through the cream. “You’re not the first person I’ve met who has told me something like this. Not by a long shot. Many people have come to me seeking the truth. And I helped them find it.” Bringing the strawberry to his lips, his tongue darts out and licks the cream off before he pops the berry into his mouth.

You must have a strange expression on your face because he suddenly laughs, shaking his head. “Wow, that sounds pretty conceited, huh? Bragging that I’ve always brought all my partners to orgasm.” He pauses, dark brows furrowing again as he spins his glass in front of him. “Let me try again. I’ve been working at this ranch for a few years now, and I’ve met so many different people. All with their own wants. Their own desires. For me, it’s always been about discovering what the other person needs. That’s the key to making sure they enjoy the experience.” He shrugs. “Maybe that still sounds conceited, I don’t know. All I know is that anyone who has ever come to me with the same question you have has always left here knowing the answer.”

“And you think you can do that for me?” The alcohol has made you blunt.

Hoseok’s silent for a moment, scanning your face. Then he nods. “I know I can. If you’ll let me.”

There’s a flash of something in his warm eyes that makes you swallow thickly before you reply. “Okay. So… how do we get started?”

“Leave that to me.” He pours the rest of the champagne into your flutes. “All you need to do is relax tonight. That’s your only goal. Does that sound all right?”

It sounds fantastic, but you’re not sure it’s going to happen, given how wound you still are. But you agree anyway, taking another sip.

“Good. So. Back to my original question - do you like to cook?”

Hoseok tries his best to engage you in normal conversation, asking you about your hobbies, what you do for a living, what other activities you’re hoping to get to on your vacation. It feels like you’re on a typical date, getting to know one another. But from the way your leg keeps bouncing, fingers drumming on your thigh, you’re sure he can tell it’s not working.

“It should be starting to cool off outside,” he states as he stands to clear the table, putting the empty dishes back on the cart for the kitchen staff to collect. “How would you feel about moving this conversation outside, to the hot tub? We can take the rest of dessert with us, open another bottle of champagne - or I can make you a cocktail, if you’d prefer?”

Moving to the hot tub might help. At this point, you’ll try anything. “Hot tub sounds fantastic right now. But, um, I think I’m okay on the alcohol.” You’re at the perfect amount of tipsy right now - there’s no desire to cross over into drunk.

Hoseok goes outside to prepare the hot tub while you change into your bathing suit. When he returns, you grab a few bottles of water and the remaining strawberries and head around the yurt to the tub while he changes. The trees towering over the back of the yurt are tall enough to blot out the sun, so Hoseok has turned on the string lights hanging over the deck. By the time he joins you, you’re already in, reclining against the side, head tipped back to rest on the ledge, eyes closed.

The water is so warm and soothing. The jets aimed at your lower back feel like reassuring hands kneading your tension away. Maybe you should’ve skipped the massage earlier and just sat in the tub for a few hours, given how quickly your body is starting to unwind.

“You look comfortable,” Hoseok informs you as he climbs in, water splashing over the edge of the tub. You pop one eye open a crack, noticing the darkened trail of hair on his toned stomach, heading down to the waistband of his shorts. He settles himself against the opposite edge, facing you.

“I am.”

“Good.” He lets his head fall back. “I’m so glad you picked this yurt.”

His statement catches you off guard and you open your eyes. “You are?”

“Yeah. It’s always so much nicer staying here than in one of the tents. I'm not really a tent person. Don’t care for sleeping on the ground.”

“Did you do a lot of camping before, um…”

“Before I started working here?”

“I’m sorry, is it okay if I ask you questions?” Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about work. You shouldn’t just assume that he’s open to any topic.

“Of course.” His warm smile consoles you. “It’s such a cliche to say this, I know, but my life is an open book. You can ask me anything.”

“Did you do a lot of camping growing up?”

He laughs. It’s such a delightful sound. “Thankfully, no. My parents weren’t really into being outdoors. So I didn’t spend a lot of time outside as a kid, and definitely not in any tents.”

Your hand glides through the water, playing with the currents. “We didn’t really go camping when I was a kid, either. I had an ex who liked to go, though, so I’ve slept in a tent a few times. And I’m with you - sleeping on the ground sucks. I don’t care how many futons or air mattresses you bring, it’s never enough.”

“Right?? I don’t understand anyone who willingly does that. We’re humans! We evolved and invented mattresses! And nice beds to put them on! Why go back?” Shaking his head incredulously, he runs his hands through his hair, pushing it off his forehead. Damp tips drip water down the sharp planes of his jawline. “So other than the tent, did you like going camping?”

You shrug. “Most of it, I guess. I enjoyed going for hikes. And we always brought marshmallows to roast at night. I make a mean s’more.”

Hoseok grins. “You know, the yurt comes stocked with marshmallows and roasting sticks, if you want to fire up the pit later. And I can get us some chocolate and graham crackers.”

“Maybe.” Maybe if things don’t go as you hoped, you can cheer yourself up with some melted chocolate and marshmallows. “I guess these trips weren’t terrible, but they were never my first choice. Plus I almost died on one.”

“What?” Hoseok’s a very animated person, you’ve noticed. When he reacts to something you say, he does so with his whole body. In this case, his jaw hangs loose as his wide eyes gape at you, and he launches himself off of his bench, crossing to sit next to you. “What do you mean, you almost died?!” He grabs your hand, bringing it up from beneath the surface and clutching it tightly. “Are you okay now?”

“Oh, no, Hoseok!” Despite feeling a brief flash of guilt for making him worry, you can’t stop the laughter that bursts from your lips. “I’m sorry, I’m just being overly dramatic. It wasn’t a near-death experience or anything like that.” You squeeze his hand quickly before pulling yours away to point at your other shoulder, twisting in your seat to show Hoseok. “We went hiking after a thunderstorm and I slipped on some rocks and cut my arm bad enough to warrant a trip to a nearby hospital and some stitches. But it put me off camping for a while.”

He shakes his head, hand automatically reaching out to your shoulder. He stops an inch away. “May I?”

You nod, and he strokes the scar on your bicep, long fingers drawing the line of the jagged cut like he’s studying the shape. The strokes turn to gentle caresses as he speaks.

“I'm sorry that happened to you.” He turns so he’s facing you, his calf brushing up against yours. “You can barely see the scar, though.”

“I know,” you reply, replacing his fingers with your own, rubbing at the mark on your arm. “But I can feel it.”

He hums, propping his head on his hand, elbow bent on the ledge of the tub. “How did your ex take it when you told them you didn’t want to go camping any more?”

“Oh, well, we broke up when we got back from that trip, so, uh, it wasn’t really an issue.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We weren’t a good fit, anyway.”

He hums again, and you wonder if you’re boring him. You hate talking about your exes, the few of them there are. But then he smiles.

“We don’t have to talk about your past relationships if you don’t want to. Like I said, you should be relaxing tonight. There’s no need to talk about anything stressful or upsetting.” Something skims along your knee and you glance down, finding his hand brushing against you. “Just let me know if you want me to stop. Anything we’re talking about, anything I’m doing. Say the word and I’ll stop immediately. It’s all about making sure you’re comfortable.”

Your lip tucks itself between your teeth as you nod. His hand skims higher, tracing up your thigh a little. The heat from the hot tub can’t stop the shiver that passes through you.

“I don’t mind talking about this stuff. There’s just not much to say,” you declare with a wry grin.

Hoseok laughs, shifting in his seat to reach the strawberries. But instead of eating one, he offers it to you, holding the berry an inch from your lips. You lean forward, teeth biting into the tip. Tart juice splashes onto your chin as you tear the berry in half, and you squeak in surprise.

“Oh, juicy!”

Your neck flames as you wipe your mouth, cringing at your own awkward reaction. Hoseok merely grins, hand reaching out to swipe at a drop on your jaw. His thumb lingers on your chin a few seconds longer than necessary for such a tiny bead of liquid.

“Cute,” he declares, and the tub could be filled with icy cold water and you’d still be burning up. But now it’s not due to embarrassment.

Hoseok still holds the rest of the berry. Carefully, you wrap your fingers around his wrist and tug, bringing his hand back to your lips. This time, your bite is slow, eyes locked on his as you close your lips around the fruit. Even though you’re the one eating, he’s the one swallowing loudly as you finish the berry, tongue slipping out to lick your lips lewdly. Your chest swells with pride, knowing that you’ve had an effect on him with your actions.

“Still cute?” Somehow, you manage to smoothly purr the question despite how shaky you feel under Hoseok’s gaze. He’s peering at you like you’re one of the berries and he’s holding himself back from just eating you whole.

Hoseok barks out a surprised laugh, and you join him with an equally shocked gasp as he clasps his hands around your waist, yanking you into his lap. Your legs fall open into a straddle as he holds you in place with one hand gripping each thigh.

“Yes. Still cute.” There’s no waver in his words. He looks up at you with hooded eyes, tilting his neck until his nose bumps yours. “Cute and sweet. The perfect combination, like strawberries and cream.”

“Mmm, am I sweet?” you wonder out loud. It’s not something anyone’s ever really called you before.

“I’m sure you are, but I’d love to find out,” he whispers, and surges up to catch your mouth with his. He kisses away your giggles, and you tangle your fingers in his silky locks as his hands on your legs slide you closer to him.

“What a fucking line,” you exhale as he trails kisses along your jaw, back towards your ear. His tongue flicks out to trace the curve, making you shudder.

“Well, I am a pro,” he replies, grin evident in his tone.

You laugh, head tipping back, and he immediately dives towards your neck, to suck at the sensitive skin there. Groaning, you curl your fingers into his hair more, keeping his head in place, urging him to mark you up. He understands your silent command and leaves a trail of bites down to your collarbones.

Hoseok’s hot mouth is driving you crazy, and you rock forward, trying to find some friction, dragging your core against his groin. He’s hard, rutting his heavy cock against you, and you moan in tandem. A jolt of desire shoots through you, but there’s something else gnawing at your gut, something that makes your stomach flip. A voice whispers that tonight is going to end like so many others, the words striking you like a bolt of electricity.

Lost in your anxiety, you go still in Hoseok’s arms, and he lifts his head before he straightens up. Dark eyes examine your face for a moment. “Too fast?”

You start to shake your head no, stop, then nod, glancing down at his chest. His hands relax their hold on your thighs, pushing you back onto his legs a little.

“Let’s slow it down a little. We’ve got all night to do whatever we want - we don’t have to rush into anything.” He ducks his head until he meets your eye line. “And we don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because it’s true. There’s no pressure from me for you to do anything at all. I’m perfectly happy to sit here and talk to you all night, if you’d like. Or I can shut up and we can just enjoy the view.” He nods towards the sky, and you look up to see a bright moon rising above the trees, flanked by several twinkling stars. “It’s all about you tonight. Whatever you want.”

You nod, and then bite your lip. “Can I be honest, then?”

“Of course! Anything you tell me will be just between us.”

“The hot tub bench is kind of hurting my knees.”

He moves so swiftly, diving forward off the bench, grabbing you by the waist again to guide you into a sideways sitting position, your ass pressing into his thighs, that you let out a shocked laugh.

“That’s better, thanks.” You drape your arms over his shoulders again as he locks his hands behind your back.

The heat of the moment has dissipated, and the two of you fall back into easy conversation. Hoseok keeps his hands on your back, a light, comforting touch as you try to relax again. He doesn’t try to kiss you or do anything else that you would consider making a move. He seems content just to talk to you, like he said, and you let the warm bubbling waters of the hot tub carry your tension away again.

It’s tempting to just sit there all night in his arms, but eventually, you have to get out of the hot tub. Hoseok points to the steps leading down from the deck to the back of the yurt. “There’s a shower back here, if you want to rinse off.”

Back inside the yurt, you find that Hoseok has laid out the two fluffy white bathrobes that had been hanging on the bathroom door. “Here,” he says, handing you one. “I thought this would be comfortable for you to wear after soaking for so long. You have to feel this - it’s so soft.” He rubs a corner of the robe on his face, eyes closing for a second in bliss, before he grins at you. You can’t help but grin back.

Taking the robe into the bathroom, you peel off your wet swimsuit and hang it over the tub. Hoseok wasn’t kidding about the robe - it feels like you’re being gently hugged by the softest cloud. Before you step out of the small space, you glance at the mirror above the sink. This would be the time when you’d give yourself a pep talk, if you were in a movie. But pep talks aren’t really your thing, and there are no cameras here, just you and the calm face peering back at you. You look relaxed, at least. Maybe no pep talks are needed after all.

Hoseok is sitting on the bed when you reemerge. He’s already wearing his bathrobe, perched on the edge, hands resting on his lap. He pats the space next to him, but you hesitate, standing in front of him.

Here it is. The moment for which you planned this entire trip.

“So…” you say, fingers playing with your belt. “Now what?”

He laughs. “That’s up to you. What do you want to do?”

Several scenarios run through your head, including the thought of sending him away for the night and just spending the rest of your mini-vacation alone, lying in bed, eating strawberries and watching movies. It’s not a bad backup plan, honestly. But you’re here for an answer, and that’s not the way you’re gonna get it.

You climb onto the bed, settling yourself so your back is resting against the headboard. Once you’re comfortable, you crook your finger, inviting Hoseok to join you. He mirrors your pose, but doesn’t say anything, waiting for you to speak.

Instead, you lean over and press your lips to his. He reacts immediately, one hand cradling the back of your head as the other caresses your cheek. Your own curl into his robe, gripping the plush fabric as you murmur, “Can we just do this for a while? I like kissing you.”

Hoseok nods, nose bumping yours. “Absolutely.”

Time seems to slow to a crawl as you and Hoseok make out, reclining against the bed with your arms wrapped around each other. He’s a fantastic kisser, taking your breath away with long, deep kisses that make your thighs twitch. He nips at your bottom lip, and when you gasp, slips his tongue into your mouth to tangle with your own. There’s a need building in you again, and before long, you’re dragging him down with you, sliding along the faux fur blankets to lie on your back. He follows without delay, covering your body with his own.

Heaven. He feels like heaven, pressed up against you. You’ve missed this feeling so much, the weight of someone else on you, hands roaming your sides, cupping your face, lips trailing down your throat, over your collarbones. It’s been far too long.

Hoseok pauses at the point where the v of your robe lies on your chest and glances up at you with darkened eyes and kiss-swollen lips. His hair is messy due to your inability to keep your fingers out of it. He might feel like heaven, but right now he looks like an absolutely sinful dream.

“Is it okay if I untie this?” he asks, lithe fingers tugging lightly on your loosely-tied belt.

You nod, then find your voice. “Yes. Please.”

Instead of making swift work of the knot, Hoseok pulls on the ends slowly, and your breath hitches in anticipation. Once the material slips free, he brings his hands up, each clutching a side of your robe to peel it back, exposing your breasts to the cool air of the room. Almost immediately, your skin pebbles, a rush of goosebumps rippling down your skin. Hoseok tuts.

“Sorry, love,” he murmurs, eyes fixed on your hardening nipples. “Let me warm you back up.”

And then he lowers his mouth to your breast, forming a warm, wet seal.

“Oh!” you keen, head lolling back as Hoseok’s hands cover your chest, large palms doing their best to massage away your chills. His tongue dances around your nipple, tracing circles that grow larger and larger as he laves at your breast. Once it’s completely coated, he licks his way to the other breast, repeating his actions.

He spends several minutes this way, going back and forth. The robe is still gathered shut below your navel, but as you writhe beneath his hot mouth, it shifts, granting him more skin to paint with his tongue. He trails down your stomach, kissing your belly button and laughing at your stuttered breath when the sensitive skin there spasms from the tickling brush of his lips.

Still, even with your robe falling open, he doesn’t make any move towards where you want him most, until you finally moan, “Hoseok. Keep going, please.”

He glances up at you for a second, and must see the need written on your face, because he smirks. “I’m sorry, love, I was trying to take my time. Am I moving too slowly for you?”

“A - a little,” you admit, voice shaking as he kisses across your belly, from hip to hip. His pink lips are as plush as the bedding that surrounds you. “But if you’re, um, if you’re enjoying yourself, then you don’t have to… stop.”

His laugh tickles your stomach, and you tip your head up to look at him where he lies, halfway down the bed, chin resting on your torso. “Oh, I’m definitely enjoying myself. But the question is whether you are enjoying it? Because I don’t wanna sound like a broken record or anything, but this is all about you tonight.” He beams, a bright smile sending a rush of warmth to your cheeks. “So if you want me to move a little faster…” his hand disappears beneath the folds of fabric covering your thighs, “then that is what I shall do.”

Dropping your head back onto your pillow, you sigh as you feel his fingers grip the soft skin at the apex of your legs, urging them apart. The robe you wear is completely open now, hiding nothing but your arms, still tucked into the sleeves.

“Can I ask you something? And feel free to say yes but then not answer.”

You lift your head again. “You can ask me anything.” Hoseok’s earned your trust tonight with his kind words and actions. And besides, he’s right, you don’t have to answer anything that you don’t want to. You’re the one in charge here.

“When you’ve been with someone in the past, have they ever moved this slowly?” As he speaks, he lowers his mouth to your thigh, leaving a tender kiss behind. “Or is it usually just get you naked and then get going? Straight to the sex?”

“Usually the latter.” None of your exes were much for foreplay. A few minutes of kissing, maybe, a little fingering to open you up, and then right to it. Sometimes, if you were lucky, you’d get a little oral with the fingering, but it never lasted very long. Honestly, sometimes it felt so mechanical, like you were a damn car they were trying to start. Put the key in the ignition, step on the gas, turn the key. Kiss, finger, fuck.

When you explain all of this to Hoseok, he shakes his head, nose brushing your other thigh. “That’s what I thought you’d say,” he sighs, sounding disappointed. “Look, I don’t mean to disparage someone I’ve never met, but… well, frankly, all those people who had you in their bed and didn’t take the time to savor all this beauty laid out in front of them were complete idiots. Every last one of them.”

“Ah, well, I don’t know if I’m a ‘beauty’ -”

“No no.” Hoseok cuts you off. “I wasn’t asking for opinions. I was stating a fact.” The protest forming on your lips dies away as he sucks a love bite into your skin, at the junction where your thigh meets your crotch. “You’re breathtaking like this. Not just the way you look lying here, but the way you react to my touch, the sounds you make.” He groans, dropping his forehead onto your leg. “God, you make the most gorgeous sounds. You’re telling me no one ever wanted to take their time with you, make you moan like this again and again?”

And as he finishes his thought, he finally slides a finger into you, right where you have been dying for him to reach. You moan loudly, back arching slightly, trying to take him in further.

He hisses as he explores the tight wet heat of your cunt. “That’s it, that’s what I was talking about. That beautiful little cry of yours. Wanna fill the room with it, love.” He adds a second finger, and then his mouth follows, gliding along your slit before he seeks your clit. When he gently latches onto the sensitive nub, you whimper again, fingers flexing in the faux fur.

For several wonderfully long minutes, the only sounds coming from his mouth are the lewd sucking noises he makes as he eats you out. Meanwhile, there’s an entire symphony falling from your own lips, whines and moans and the occasional “Hoseok” or “oh my God” all floating into the ether. Thankfully, there are no shared walls for this yurt, so you can be as loud as you want, because the man between your legs is devouring you so enthusiastically that there’s no way you could stifle yourself right now. And he’s clearly delighting in the clamor, based on how he keeps groaning into your cunt and rutting his hips into the bed. Which only spurs you on more. To think that you could turn him on like this… it’s a total ego boost.

Hoseok’s ministrations have you squirming, hips bucking as you feel that familiar band tightening inside you. Squeezing your eyes shut, you chase your high, focusing on what he’s doing and trying to block everything else out. Including the nagging voice in your head that pipes up again, fretting that you’re going to lose it, that it’s not going to happen, that this whole weekend was a waste of time…

“You okay, love?” Hoseok’s gentle voice pulls you out of your head, and you open your eyes to find him watching you with a concerned look.

“‘M fine,” you say, flashing him a smile, but it’s weak at best. His fingers withdraw and you whine a dissent, but he’s already crawling up the bed to lay beside you, grasping your chin as he kisses you. You lose yourself in the sweet lushness of his lips for a minute before he pulls away.

“It seemed like you were getting close there,” he informs you.

“You could tell that?”

He grins, that cocky lopsided smirk that you’ve only seen a few times tonight but have come to absolutely adore. “If you know what signs to look for. But something happened. You went somewhere. In here.” His fingers brush over your temples. “Where’d you go?”

With a heavy sigh, you roll onto your side to face him. “I just… I couldn’t drown out the voice. You know. The one that always says exactly what you’re afraid of? That voice. It started talking and I couldn’t shut it out.”

He rakes his hand through his hair, creating a fluffy brown halo around his head as he huffs out a sigh. “I almost hate to ask but… this voice you hear. Is it telling you what someone else told you?”

Eyes lowered, you give the tiniest of nods. Not just someone. Multiple people, their words blending together, but it’s all the same message: there’s something wrong with you.

He lays a hand on your arm. You watch his long fingers as they gently stroke your skin. He speaks your name just as delicately. “I know we just met, but I can promise you that those people were lying to you. They blamed you out of their own guilt, rather than admit to themselves and to you that they weren’t able to satisfy you.”

That’s what you want to believe, more than anything. It’s a bit hard to put it into practice.

“Yeah,” you reply quietly, giving him a brief smile. “I - I know. It’s just… their words are stuck in there.”

“Hmmm.” Hoseok’s gaze flits between your eyes as he contemplates your answer. “Tell me something, love. Before that voice chimed in, were you enjoying the moment?”

His fingers gently brush your cheek as you nod at him.

“And how do you feel right now? Is the moment over?”

That moment is definitely over, but you’re still happy to have Hoseok here with you, and you don’t want to stop. It’s been ages since you’ve been with anyone, and you’ve missed the touch of another so much.

“I’d like to keep going, actually,” you admit, head lowered shyly, and his fingers slip under your chin to tilt your face up until you lock eyes with him.

“Say that again, love, a little louder,” he implores you.

“I want to keep going,” you declare, with confidence. And bring your hands up to his face to pull him in for a kiss. Hoseok hums into your mouth, his eyes fluttering shut, and you close yours as well, letting yourself fall back into the sensation of his lips on yours. When the need to breathe becomes overwhelming, you pull away, gasping. “But what about you?”

He frowns. “What about me?”

“You wanna keep going?”

His laugh is a low purr. “If you’re asking because you’re afraid you killed the mood or something….” He gestures to his robe, where a tent has sprung up over his groin. “It’s not ruined for me.”

He shuffles closer, pressing you up against his chest as he kisses you again. What lies beneath that tent presses into your thigh, and you marvel at the fact that he still wants you. It’s another ego boost, one you sorely need at this moment, and it’s enough to bolster you to take charge again and pull him on top of you as you roll onto your back.

He moves eagerly, happily rutting into your open thighs, the soft fabric of the robe rubbing against your bare cunt.

“Hoseok,” you mumble, fingers plucking at the collar of his robe, “take this off. I need to feel you.”

Without hesitation, he tosses the robe onto the floor. As he hovers over you, skin shimmering like amber under the warm lighting of the bedroom, you trace your hands down his chest and stomach, running your fingertips along the dark treasure trail that leads from his belly button to his groin. He shudders, a tiny groan letting you know he’s enjoying the attention.

He notices the way your eyes keep flicking to his cock. “Do you wanna touch it, love?”

“Can I?” Your fingers twitch, wanting to wrap themselves around his impressive girth. He’s not the biggest you’ve ever seen, but he’s thick enough that you know you’re in for a stretch.

“Of course you can. Touch as much as you’d like, I’m at your command tonight.”

“Well, yeah, I know that but…” You run your hands up his muscular thighs, delighting in the way they jerk under your fingertips. Shifting closer, you cup his cheek and bring his mouth down towards you, barely an inch from your own. “Do you want me to touch you?”

“Fuck. Yes, please, touch me,” comes Hoseok’s hurried response, as he closes the distance between you with a heated kiss. Just as your lips meet, you curl your hand around the base of his cock, lightly stroking upwards. He’s warm, velvety skin pulsing in your grip as you rub your thumb over the tip. He moans into your mouth, and you swallow it down eagerly.

As you continue to roll your hand up and down, Hoseok drops his head to your neck, pressing sloppy kisses there. “Feels so good, love,” he whispers, and he drags his fingers down your lower stomach. You instinctively arch into his hand as he cups your heat, palm rubbing small circles against your clit. “Don’t stop.”

“Ahh, Hoseok,” you sigh as he slips a finger between your sodden folds. He has such lovely fingers, so long and flexible, stretching and stroking inside you.

“That’s it, love, keep talking. Tell me what you like.”

What you like? He should know that. When you booked his services, you’d filled out a little questionnaire with your likes and dislikes. Your wants and your turn-offs.

“But I already ahhh fuck - already told you, oh god,” you groan, statement crumbling into babbled exclamations as Hoseok fondles your clit, giving the little pearl a good shining.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he laughs, “and I did read your list, but I want you to tell me, right now, what you want. I wanna hear it from your sweet mouth instead.” He gently pries your fingers from his length, kissing away your pout. “Sorry, but you were starting to feel a little too good.”

“But I want to make you cum,” you protest, and he closes his eyes for a second before fixing you with a dark stare.

“Oh, you will, love, don’t you worry. But I’ll be damned if I’m the first to go tonight.”

This time, when he kisses you, it’s slow and heavy, his tongue languidly teasing yours, teeth pulling your bottom lip into his mouth so he can suck on it. His fingers slide back inside you with no resistance, your arousal soaking them fully as he scissors you open. You feel his cock pressing into your hip and try to lift your lower half to give him some friction, but he’s holding you down too much for it to work.

Again his fingers find that soft spot inside you, and your head snaps up. “Fuck, Hoseok!”

“Ah, you like that? Right there?” He strokes it again, and you nod furiously.

“Yes, god, I love your fingers!” You’d be embarrassed at your zealous response if you weren’t in the throes of bliss right now, toes curling as Hoseok’s palm caresses your clit again.

“I’m glad to hear that, love, because they can’t get enough of this beautiful pussy of yours,” he murmurs, head bent over your chest, breath ghosting over your breasts. “So warm, so tight. Just begging for them, sucking them in again and again.” His fingers plunge faster, stroke deeper. “Could do this all night if you wanted.”

The stirring in your gut tightens, warmth spreading across your torso, down your thighs. “Please. I need more,” you moan, bucking your hips to try to meet his thrusts.

Hoseok grunts, propping himself up on his other elbow as he buries his hand inside you. The fierce look of determination on his face creases his brow as sweat beads on his forehead. It’s too much, watching this sex god fingerfuck you wantonly like this, so you close your eyes.

Almost immediately, the voice speaks again.

And then you feel a hand on your cheek and you open your eyes to find Hoseok looking at you with a softer expression. “Hey, don’t do that. Don’t go away again. Stay with me,” he says, a command and a plea mixed in one.

You nod, mesmerized by the warmth glowing in his eyes. His fingers find a new rhythm as he holds your gaze. “Are you still liking the way I’m touching you, or do you want something else now? Hmmm? Think you’re ready for my cock now?”

“Oh god,” you groan, “mmm, I think - I think I’m ready.”

Hoseok’s lips curl, dark eyes still studying your face as his thumb applies just the right amount of pressure to your clit to make you gasp. He lowers his mouth to your ear, nibbling on the lobe before he whispers, “Say it like you mean it, love. Tell me exactly what you want. Or do you want to hear what I want to do to you first? How I want to bend you over and fuck you so hard, the only voice you’ll hear is your own, screaming out my name?”

“I want that too, fuck, Hoseok, please fuck me!” The words explode out of you as if they were just waiting on the tip of your tongue the whole time. Which, maybe they have been. You came here intending to be fucked, and that desire has only grown through the evening.

With a pleased laugh, Hoseok hops off the bed to rummage through his robe until he pulls a condom from one of the pockets. Then he climbs back on the bed, kneeling in front of you, one hand lightly gripping his cock as he looks at you.

“Lay back and let me make you feel good.” He pauses at the expression on your face. “Unless you have something else in mind?”

With a grin, you reach out and pluck the condom from Hoseok’s hand. He huffs a breathy laugh as you place a palm on his chest, pushing him back towards the headboard again. Leaning back, he grants you another smirk as he stretches his legs in front of him, erect cock bouncing against his firm stomach.

“Is this where you want me?” he rasps in a low rumble. Biting your lip, you nod, holding yourself back from leaping on him only long enough for you to commit his image to memory. Hoping you never forget the look in his eye as he waits for you to make your move.

Still clutching the condom packet, you shuffle forward on your knees until you’re between his legs. Before you do anything else, you take his cock in your hands, giving him a few short strokes just to hear him moan again. He’s starting to pant when you finally release him, hands fumbling with the packet for a minute before you manage to rip it open. Your fingers move more nimbly as you sheath him.

His hands wrap around the backs of your thighs, guiding you to straddle him. As you hover over his lap, hands on his shoulders, you take a moment to breathe. He smiles softly up at you, and with your next inhale, you sink down.

You were right. Hoseok’s thickness stretches you deliciously, hard length parting your tight walls, rubbing over every dripping inch inside. His tongue flicks out to lick his lips as you settle yourself on his thighs, reveling in the feeling of being so fucking full.

It’s been way too long.

“Doing okay, love?” he asks after a moment.

“Fuck yes,” you reply, grinning at his giggle. His thumbs rub encouraging circles into your hips, but he doesn’t do anything else, clearly waiting for you to set the pace.

“If you just want to sit on my cock for the rest of the night, I’m fine with that. You feel like heaven. Don’t even have to move. We can just stay like this.”

A lock of his dark hair falls into his face as he beams up at you, and you push it behind his ear, shaking your head.

“Not that I wouldn’t love to cockwarm you all night, but…” Pushing yourself up, you slowly start to ride him. “Isn’t this more fun?”

His response is a low groan and a squeeze of your ass. Laughing, you roll your hips, head kicking back as his cock brushes against your g-spot. Hoseok leans forward, the angle helping repeat the action, and you lace your hands behind his neck as you pick up the pace.

“Shit, just like that,” he hisses, encouraging you to ride him faster. “Fucking taking me so good, love. How’s that feel?”

“Feels, ahhh, feels so amazing, ‘seok.”

But as good as he feels, it dawns on you that your energy is flagging. There’s no way you can keep this up for very long.

When your speed starts to falter, and you fall silent again, Hoseok snaps into action. His hands grip your sides as he kisses you, nudging your nose with his own. “Focus on me,” he instructs you gently. Right before he begins to thrust into you like a fucking jackhammer.

“Hoseok!” you yelp, eyes rolling back into your head. “Oh holy fuck!”

“That’s it,” he grunts through gritted teeth, thighs smacking off your ass. “Let me take over. You don’t need to do anything now but sit here and enjoy this, okay? I’ve got you.”

His cock is pumping into you so swiftly that you’re panting too hard to form a coherent sentence, so you don’t even try, nodding at his promise. When his arms wrap around your waist, you go pliant, letting him tip you backwards so he can pound into you at that perfect angle again, hitting your g-spot over and over. It’s so intense that you give up on words completely, just letting your moans communicate your thoughts. Which are currently along the lines of oh fuck oh my god so good so good!

You clutch at him, fingers leaving indentations in his skin as you urge him close enough to capture his mouth with yours. There’s a wild desperation in your kiss, which he must read as he matches you frenzied tongue for tongue, frantic bite for bite.

“I’ve got you, love,” he repeats, leaning forward again until your back hits the mattress. He slips out of you only momentarily to adjust your position, bringing both of your legs up to rest on his strong shoulders. “Don’t take your eyes off me for a second, okay? I’m still here, with you. You feel me?” He plunges back into your waiting warmth.

You feel him in every inch of you, from your swollen lips to your shaking thighs. He takes your whimper for the answer it is.

“That’s what I thought.” How the fuck is he able to pound into you like this and still speak? His prowess has your mind reeling. “I need you to know just how fucking good you feel, love. I hope you don’t mind if I fuck you all night, because I don’t want this to end. Any of it. Wanna taste you again, maybe have you sit on my face for a while?”

“Hoseok…” That tension is rising again.

He shifts slightly, hands flexing in your thighs as he holds them to his chest while he drives into you. “Then I’d love to take you out back and make you bounce on my cock in the hot tub. Have you ever had hot tub sex? The jets on your clit will have you seeing stars. Or so I’ve been told.” He smirks. “Then I gotta hit it from behind, at least once. I need to see this ass dance up close.” His right hand slaps your cheek lightly.

His filthy mouth is pushing you closer and closer to what you’ve been trying to find all night. It’s here, finally, your answer. Your high. This time, you don’t close your eyes, but keep them focused on the man confessing all the things he wants to do with you.

Hoseok’s control seems to be slipping as he swears loudly. “Goddamn, I want to do this all night, love. Just let me make you feel so good. I know you want it, love, tell me you want it.”

“Ho-hoseok,” you stutter, your legs falling from his shoulders as you tangle your fingers into his hair, “I want it, I want it, kiss me, kiss m-”

He cuts you off with a passionate kiss, hot skin sliding against yours as he lies on top of you, fucking into you deeply. It’s exactly what you need, exactly what you want, and with a loud whine, you finally come.

It’s not the same as any of the orgasms you’ve given yourself. It’s more intense, wave after wave of pleasure radiating from your core, spreading throughout your body. Goosebumps ripple down your thighs as you clench around Hoseok, and he groans, still thrusting away until his own euphoria arrives and he joins you in your wailing.

It’s not until he collapses on top of you that your peak finally subsides. As thoughts start to filter back into your head, you hear that voice again.

This time, you just laugh, and tell it to fuck off forever.

“What’s so funny?” Hoseok mumbles from between your breasts.

“Nothing,” you reply, running your hand through his sweaty hair to push it off his forehead. “I’m just happy.”

He just grins, and you can’t stop yourself from kissing away his smile. After a moment, the kiss becomes a series of small pecks, before he rolls onto his side, fixing you with another questioning look. “So how do you feel, now that you have your answer?”

“I feel fucking fantastic,” you declare, earning more of his musical giggles. “Thank you, Hoseok.”

He shrugs. “I just helped you get there, you figured it out for yourself.”

“So… do you have to go now? Or did you mean all of those things you said earlier?” You drum your fingers on his chest. “I believe there was something about the hot tub jets? That sounded pretty interesting.”

That sexy smirk makes a reappearance. “I’m yours all night, love. What do you want to do now?”

You tell him. All night long.

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wongyuuu · 8 months

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Hi!! can you do a sort of angst/fluff where the reader and joshua like eachother a lot but the reader always rejects joshua because they're scared to be dating someone who's an idol.

Thank you so much!! even if you don't write it, i still appreciate all you do and all the fix's you write 💕

this one was a little more complicated to write, but somehow i got carried away... so i hope you like it!

pairing: joshua x fem!reader genre: angst word count: 1.4k warnings: cursing

a/n: not proofread

requests are open

Staring at the TV ahead of you, watching Joshua give his first ment of the concert, you couldn’t help but feel a little proud of him. His smile was so bright, his voice so kind as he talked with his members and the fans. Looking at him, even if it was through a screen, made your heartache in the worst possible way.

He had invited you to the concert, promised you that no one would ever find out about you attending. Realistically, you knew that no one would recognize you, that you could pass by as just any other fan in the venue. Yet, you couldn't really bring yourself to be there.

If you attended their concert you knew that something was bound to change. It was a change you desperately wanted, desired, and longed for but one you'd never allow yourself to have.

Even if you didn't mean to, your mind went back to the last time you saw Joshua.

It was the weeks before, he called you as soon as he left practice, asking if he could drop by because he wanted to talk with you. Please, it's important. You were never able to say no to Joshua, from the moment you met him. Because it was him, but also because Joshua was the kind of person who only really asked for things when he really needed them. So if he called you, you'd always take his call no matter what you were doing or who you were with.

Less than half an hour later Joshua arrived, pressing the password on your door and letting himself in. Even if he knew your code, he always called first to make sure that you were home and if seeing was something him was you wanted. He was surprised when you took his call and when you said yes to his request.

You had been avoiding him, like the man was the plague. And he knew that he was to blame for it. He pushed too hard, too fast, too far. But at the same time, Joshua was also tired of this game the two of you played, one in which both of you were losers.

"I'm sorry, I know it's late. But I really wanted to see you"

Joshua kissed your cheek, his lips staying against your skin far longer than necessary but not nearly long enough. When he wasn't around the one thing you wanted the most was to be near him, to hear his voice, his laugh. You wanted Joshua in all ways possible. You had been in love with him the moment you met him. It was almost comical, how quickly you had fallen for him, especially considering how you said you didn't believe someone could fall in love after just one meeting.

"I really missed you" he said "I texted you but never got an answer, so I got worried"

While Joshua wasn't the kind of guy who liked texting, God knew how many unanswered texts were on his phone, he always made an effort for you. And because of that you always felt like your relationship with him was different.

"I've been busy, haven't checked my phone in days, actually"

It wasn't a complete lie. Your phone, your personal one, was one you barely used. You bought it mostly to keep your work life and private life separated. Work had been taking up most of your life, so your phone wasn't something you gave a lot of attention to. But you had seen Joshua's texts in the notification bar. hey, is everything okay?, the first one said, call me when you can, followed by, if you're not busy, can we have dinner tomorrow? The tomorrow he mentioned was two nights before. His texts were still to be read.

"I know, that's why I got worried"

He sat in front of you on the couch, holding your hands while this thumb lightly drew patterns on your palms. He had the same expression from the first time you saw him, calm and serene, calming in a way. But you knew better at this point. His beautiful eyes had a pinch of worry and tiredness in them — maybe from the long hours of practice before a concert, or because of the whole situation between you and him.

"I came to invite you to the concert. The guys miss you being around too. They would be very happy if you attended"

You were already shaking your head before he was done speaking. Joshua saw it as a win though, the fact you didn't pull your hands away from him, refusing his touch.

"You know I can't go"

"No one will know you're there, I promise. I know it's not ideal, and not as much fun, but you can watch it from backstage. If someone does see you, they'll just think of you as part of the staff"

He had such hopeful eyes. You know that he thought that it was a good idea, a plan that couldn't possibly fail because he, as well as everyone else, would do their best to hide you and protect you.

"I don't want to hide, Joshua" you felt his hand go cold, so you took them into yours for a change "I don't want to make your life difficult. I don't want you to choose between me and the life you built for the past eleven years. I won't make you choose between me and your brothers, your family. I can't let you do that"

It was his turn to shake his head.

"Who says I have to choose?"

"You can't have it all Joshua, the career and everything else. At least, not in this country"

For the first time, since the two of you started this sort of dance, Joshua pulled away from you.

"I don't understand why you keep doing this. Everyone dates, some of the guys are dating right now. And I know you feel the same as me. So why do you keep pushing me away?"

"Because I am scared!" you screamed "I have seen what it does to people, having their relationship exposed. I don't want to see people talking about you like you committed a crime, demanding your expulsion of seventeen, sending you death threats. I don't to expose my family to this, myself too"

He shook his head, passing your small living room. Two steps was all it took for him to cross it. You loved having him around, how your tiny boring apartment was suddenly full of life when he was around. Even in moments such as that, when the conservation was taking a turn for the worst he brought so much life to the plain walls. Both of you stayed in silence, thinking of what to say next. Joshua wondered what he should say to make you change your mind, while you wanted him to understand where you were coming from, that in your decision was also the love you felt for him.

"Shua" you whispered, finally standing up "I need you to listen to me, okay?"

You felt your body contract in pain at the sight of his eyes filled with tears, just like yours. You took his face into your hands, to make sure that he wouldn’t miss a single word of what you were saying. Not that you needed to. Joshua always paid attention to you, listened to every single thing you had to say.

"I love you so, so, so much. This is the kind of feeling I only ever read about, that I always deemed impossible. And then you came around, with your beautiful eyes and kind smile. You gave me so much. In you, I found love, friendship, a home. You shared your life with me, your brothers. Everything that's precious to you, you gave me a little bit. But I will never do anything to hurt that, anything that could take those things away from you"

You stood on your tiptoes and pulled his face close to yours, kissing his lips for the first and last time.

"Shit" you pushed your tears away, blinking rapidly. The loud cheers of the fans, indicating the start of the next song, were enough to bring you back.

You knew you shouldn't be watching the concert, but you couldn't bring yourself to stop. From that night on, all you'd have of Joshua would be memories and dreams of a life that you could never have.

taglist: @wonwooz1, @ryuwonieebae, @sobun1est, @mirtaspace

if you want to be tagged in my next fics, please fill out this form

#k-labels #seventeen imagine #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt x you #joshua x reader #hong joshua x reader #hong jisoo x reader #joshua x you #hong jisoo x you #joshua #seventeen fluff #joshua imagines #hong jisoo imagines #joshua hong #hong jisoo

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epiemy · 1 year

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Jason Todd x Fem!Reader from our reality!

Warnings: just cursing (you're a crazy bitch)

Part 1 of 5.

Welcome to my new serie of JT =)

Sorry for grammar mistakes. Enjoy!

Sounds like a complicated story but it all started when you hit your pinky on the edge of the table, yes, completely ridiculous and painful.

"Fucking motherfucker" you curse as you limp towards your bed, sitting up and holding your foot to try to ease the pain. "I swear this is all fucking Jason Todd's fault, I had to stay up late reading the goddamn comic book..." you mutter.

What happens is that you woke up at 3 am not knowing where you were and, in fact, that's why you ended up tripping over your desk.

"If I could, I would punch him just for hurting my foot" you sigh, but widen your eyes as you look at the table, seeing a red light appear in the middle of your room. Oh shit, my parents are going to kill me - her thoughts.

Now what would a smart person do? It would walk away from the spot glowing blood red, right? Right. Then explain to me why you went TO TOUCH the suspicious light!

As soon as your body has made contact with red, you feel a sudden dizziness and try to hold on to your desk, but it's not there anymore (?). Her face fills with panic as everything goes white in her vision and suddenly, she's thrown full force to the ground.

"Oh fuck!" you scream in frustration when you realize you're in the middle of a street and to top it all off, you feel the water falling on your body to show that it's raining. You could cry right there, what a hell of a day!

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth, Princess?" A male silhouette and well, hell, tall as fuck comes into her line of vision.

"If you're going to rob me, do it soon, seriously, where is downtown LA?" His short answer made the guard laugh and finally show himself, with the recognition you gasp his name "Jason?".

"How the hell?" He snarls in your direction, pointing a gun, but you're too busy looking at your favorite character alive in front of you to worry about him pointing a gun at your forehead.

"You're alive! Oh my gods... he's alive... does that mean Dick is too?" You have a little fangirl access and he gets more and more confused, deciding it's best to take you to the Batcave. Fuck Batman to deal with this - he thinks.

"You're coming with me, princess." He mutters as he gass you out in his shoulders, loading your body onto the motorcycle, heading towards the mansion.

--- In the Mansion - Time cut to 5am ---

"Did you seriously have to erase it?" Tim scolds Jason about his methods again. The youngest doesn't think it might be a good approach considering that the stranger (you) knew their real names.

"I wouldn't spend another fucking second listening to her talk about 'Dick Grayson's amazing ass'" he quotes wryly while his older brother just smirks, happy with the recognition of his years as an acrobat.

"She's awake, you know," Dick mutters in amusement, while the other two look like deer caught in headlights.

"Thanks Richard. Now why am I tied up like I'm the Joker? Come on! I can't even walk a mile without falling over by myself!" You recognize the place where you are and almost pass out, shouting afterwards - "IS THAT THE BATCAVE?"

"Oh boy, we are going to have a big job with this one." Words from an tired Jason.

#jason todd x fem!reader #jason todd x y/n #jason todd x you #jason todd x reader #jaybird #jason todd fluff #dc #dick grayson #damian wayne #tim drake #batfam x reader #jason todd

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superloves4 · 4 months

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I detested every minute of drawing that horse, I will do it again!

Anyway, I hoped I would get this out before the end of the year, alas it became the first artwork of the year instead. It's the comic I mentioned in my wips notes, and yeah, I know it doesn't make much sense for Fëanor to not recognize Miriel but I needed it for the plot, okay 😭

Plot explanation + Nerdanel bonus under the cut:

Very well, I had this idea stuck in my head for a while due to my dissatisfaction with many post reembodiment fëanorian fic (don't get me wrong, I enjoy the heck out of those fics, they just happen to not fully scratch the itch) and how it's either the fëanorian basically throwing themselves to the ground to apologize to those they hurt, something I don't really see happening, apologizing requires a lot of vulnerability, it's something very raw that I just can't see the fëanorians being able to do right off the halls (and I'm not giving the Valar any credit *harunf*) or, it goes the opposite direction, and none of the fëanorians apologize at all and it's just accepted with at most some control from the Valar, I just can't accept this while also assume they just went back to their regular places in Tirion no problem besides some people being mildly mad at them.

So this was my concoction, the first two stories wouldn't be about Fëanor at all actually, it would be an Aretyel and a Curufinrod stories running concurrently:

The first one is about Aredhel not initially wanting to ever see Celegorm after he used her as a motivation to hurt Luthien, but after Maeglin reembodiement she thinks that if she can take her son back maybe she should give her former friend a chance.

The second is initially basically Curufinrod through the ages as Finrod decides to talk to Curufin despite his better reason saying otherwise, Curufin is at first very scathing and refuses any talk at all but after a difficult conversation with Ëarwen (which is mostly her calling him a bitch) Curufin decides to reevaluate his past with Finrod, eventually reaching Celebrimbor (who is a curufinrodion in this) and their complicated relationship

And then finally, the Fëanor one, it begins some time after the others already began but runs with them as well, the beginning is basically this comic, Fëanor arrives and finds no one besides the woman he doesn't know is Miriel and accepts staying with her rather than trying to talk with his brothers, the truth is that Vairë sent the wrong hour to Arafinwë so that Miriel would get time with her son (Miriel doesn't know this, she also thinks they just left Fëanor alone) (Vairë also thought that at most she would mildly inconvenience a perfectly well paid envoy that at most would get a disappointed look from the king, never imagining that Nerdanel would show up as well)

(Considering having shorted parts for Maglor, who already had his therapy sessions in Rivendell, meeting Maedhros and Elwing again, and another for Caranthir finding out that he and Haleth had a child, Erestor, and not knowing how to go about it)

Bonus:

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donkeys-waffles · 2 months

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My head cannons about All for Inko

I always hear how AFO has Inko in a gilded cage, how he's possessive and controlling and how horrified Inko would be at the revelation. And I always liked the idea that those feelings are mutual between them. Maybe not the possessiveness, but the fear of abandonment, especially if the Inko Shimura theory is true.

Imagine Inko living her entire life in the system, not really knowing the love of her parents or even the love of regular adults. What if she never got adopted, taking into consideration the fact that the society we're given in MHA is one driven by quirks, the stronger the quirk the more desirable/respected the individual (looking at Bakugou getting away with verbal and physical abuse for nearly a decade without any backlash.) It's possible she wasn't adopted as a result of her weak quirk factor (you can kinda think of it as a measure of success, as utterly messed up as it sounds, it's possible that people wanted the kids with the strongest quirks first because of their potential for making billions as a hero later in life. Again, super messed up, but a thought coming from what we've seen throughout the manga.) A result of prejudice that ended with Inko never really feeling paternal love, or a consistent source of it.

What if AFO didn't fall in love with Inko just because she was kind, gentle, and loving. What if she was not only a supply of what he yearned for but also a mirror, someone he could actually relate to. Someone who had to look out for themselves their whole lives.

And if so, how would that potentially alter her perception of her own life. What if she knows she's in a gilded cage but him being her first real source of love (no matter how ugly or twisted,) keeps her there.

What if all I said about her backstory is true, it's not just AFO using her as his source of the unconditional love he never received, but it's completely mutual.

Now, I get it, he's a horrible husband, he's never depicted actually being there for either of them aside from a monetary provider. But this is the best part. She loves him, many people can't forget their first love and many others consistently make excuses for the actions or inaction of those they love. It's something you need to remember, you can throw a stranger behind bars, but it becomes incredibly complicated when that person matters to you.

He provides money, maybe the odd gift or letter, hell maybe even a phone call, and she tricks herself into believing he's still there.

She knows she's in a gilded cage, and logically she knows her husband is terrible, but leaving him or confronting the issue entirely would shine a light on her greatest fear, being abandoned again. Tricking herself into thinking that he's just busy and that's why he didn't even send a text when their son was in TWO WARS THAT RECIEVED GLOBAL ATTENTION.

AFO is afraid of being abandoned which would lead me to believe he isolated her on purpose, putting her into this gilded cage so she'd forever be taken care of by him and adored from a safe distance (kinda like Yoichi,) and she stays, tricking herself into believing that she isn't practically a single mother, out of fear of recognizing her own abandonment by the hands of a loved one.

Now what if she knew of his criminal history? It's easy to believe that she'd try to leave. And that's plausible. But I find it much more interesting it she didn't, for the first reason, he's the first man to show her kindness.

He's her husband, who probably bought her gifts, was a big quirk nerd who reads comics, was good with children, charming, handsome, and definitely the type to be kind (even though it's all so he can manipulate you later of course.) And that's not something I think she would find easy to forget. She would 100% set boundaries with him regarding Izuku and their life together. But I just find it interesting is all. Their love would be incredibly toxic and codependent and definitely obsessive.

And I would be lying if I said I didn't eat that crap up. :)

#all for one #bnha #izuku midoriya #dad for one #dfo #bnha all for one #afo #all for one is hisashi #mha #my hero academia #inko midoriya #character analysis #Me rambling #I hope this made sense #I'm really tired and realized I hadn't shared my takes on them yet.#I will forever poke fictional people with a stick.

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misscammiedawn · 3 months

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DID Representation in The Incredible Hulk (Part 2)

Continuing on from Part 1 in which I explained the background of the Banner System I wanted to discuss the marriage between Bruce Banner and Betty Talbot Ross-Banner and break down relationships between systems and singlets.

This is a topic that is tackled often in media and one that could be its own topic of focus within DID representation.

Some may have a complicated love triangle where a singlet is in love with two members of a system or have dynamics where members of a system love different partners and even stories involving introjects of loved ones who are treated as living memories.

The romance tropes and "split personality" tropes really do go hand in hand and for the most part those stories are not what I would consider DID representation as the trope exists to facilitate the story. The drama is often sourced from at least one party in the situation not understanding or consenting to the dynamics of the plurality at play or a member of a system attempting to actively sabotage the relationship.

Where I would start considering it moving out of trope territory and into representation territory is when the condition is treated as part of the reality of being in a relationship and something which has to be navigated as surely as any other life circumstance.

Today I'm going to talk about the romance in Hulk comics. Particularly surrounding the relationship between Joe Fixit and Betty Ross.

Since the very first issues in 1962 Betty Ross has known the man she was in love with was both Bruce Banner and Hulk. Bruce's DID may have been a curveball thrown at her down the line, as mentioned in part 1 it was not codified until the mid-80s, but it was never a secret. In the previous part of this essay I noted that Bruce did not have the strength within himself to accept his condition and he was emotionally distant and ran away from the people who loved him.

Bruce has the option of not dealing with his condition. Betty does not.

Hulk is a rare comic where it shows a hyperbolic reality of engaging in a relationship with someone who has a dissociative disorder. Betty and Banner do not have a good marriage. They show a lot of red flags, some more worrying than others. But they deal with those issues and thus they display them on the page well enough to have a conversation about it.

And that's why I wanted to highlight it.

Immortal Hulk #48 (Al Ewing - 2021)

In this issue Betty and Joe have just had a passion fueled reunion that lead to them enjoying some private time in a hotel room. The circumstances are complicated but she had walked out on Bruce earlier in the story. Betty has been trying to show him the imperfections in herself (physically represented by her Red Harpy form) and Bruce has been refusing to engage with the "monster" in the place of his wife.

Gamma tends to make physical that which lays under the surface. When Bruce looks away from Red Harpy he is truly looking away from viewing his wife as anything other than perfect.

Towards the end of the Immortal Hulk storyline Betty returned to the plot and found that Bruce was still "hiding" from her so she got close to Joe instead and the two proceed to have an adult conversation about their broken marriage and just where Joe fits in with it.

We'll cover Immortal Hulk 48 in more detail a little more later. It's one of my favorite comics of all time.

But before I continue I want to point out Joe and Betty's disagreement on whether this is cheating or not. "You married Banner" "You're a part of him" to paraphrase.

Relationship dynamics with systems come in a variety of different shapes and sizes. In writing this essay I have no intention of stating any version is better or worse than another and I recognize that different circumstances have different needs.

Many of my friends who I know from support communities hold Joe's view. That individual alters have the agency to consent to be included in relationships with the system or not. Others hold Betty's view, that to be in love with the system is to be in love with every part of the person, regardless of whether they were present enough to consent at the time the relationship began.

I am in Betty's camp. Some of my closest friends with DID are in Joe's. There are other camps. But there is one thing that I have seen discussed in every single support group I've been part of and it's that members of the system dating outside of a monogamous relationship without explicit consent is and will always be cheating. Emphasis on communication and consent.

Incredible Hulk 376 (Peter David - 1990)

I am polyamorous and our system considers all of us in each relationship, even if we understand that this ideal is not exactly easily integrated into a relationship. I'll not peel back the curtain but there's a lot of inner and external management that goes into that conceit. One of our partners explicitly has a relationship with all 5 of us, our other partners have a relationship with "us" that is less concerned about individual dynamics and neither version of this scenario is preferred over the other. Every relationship is different. Even if one of those relationships contains 5. Like everything with being in treatment, it's about being flexible, understanding, compromising and accommodating.

As noted above, Joe does not consider himself to be Bruce and so he does not feel like he has to honor Bruce's marriage. In the 80s run when Joe gains his name and acts as a Las Vegas enforcer he has a romance with a young woman named Marlo Chandler. Regretfully she is not overtly mentioned in Immortal Hulk #48 though Betty does bring up that Joe had a whole life in Vegas that he had hidden away from her. Marlo was part of that life.

In the tail end of the Vegas arc of comics Betty returns to Bruce's life after thinking him dead for over 6 months. Marlo shows up and is surprised to see Bruce, someone she was told was Joe's brother. Joe and Marlo's relationship was formed while Bruce was dormant and after he returned the cover story was that Bruce Bancroft was Joe Fixit's brother. Joe does not consider himself to be Bruce and so does not honor his marriage. As you see in the above page, everyone else involved does not see it the same way.

A highlight from this era is a few issues earlier where Betty and Joe have their first adult discussion. It's an absolute classic comic and is directly referenced in Immortal Hulk #48. Betty and Joe have great energy together and trust one another, though Joe fears her as the system's attachment to her leaves them feeling vulnerable and lowers the walls between alters. It's a shame that this was 4 issues before the forced fusion. I'd have loved to have seen more interactions between the pair.

Incredible Hulk #373 (Peter David - 1990)

Sidenote that issue has my favorite Hulk cover of all time.

They don't have a lot of time together but Betty and Joe had great chemistry in these comics, especially when compared to how Bruce treats her. The following pages are both from the same issue:

Incredible Hulk #374 (Peter David - 1990)

Bruce does love Betty but he hates himself more than he loves her and she long has to deal with him putting up walls and keeping a distance. Where Banner fears the "monster" he becomes, in no canon does Betty ever fear any incarnation of Hulk.

She does however resent being coddled. Her father was overly protective of her because her mother died, her first husband, Glenn Talbot, was overly protective of her and now Bruce has picked up that sin. She hates being treated as helpless.

For sake of clarity and addressing the "early installment weirdness" I'll note that it wasn't until Byrne's run in the 80s that Betty gained a backbone. During the 80s period of comics Byrne and David codified her as a fierce and strong-willed woman and that characterization has remained with her ever since.

The reason Bruce is so temperamental about the woman he loves and why all the Hulk's, even Devil, are typically so good to her is...

Well...

Incredible Hulk #377 (Peter David - 1991)

I'll let that speak for itself.

The Vegas arc is not the only time that Bruce has seemingly died and been content to let his wife think he is deceased.

Bruce's emotional distance from Betty is another all too real depiction of traumatized adults who are not managing their symptoms. Trauma in all forms remains with a person and steers their behavior. In the extreme this can lead to phobias and mildly it can lead to avoidance.

Bruce is constantly driven to avoid pain. He is depressed, self-loathing and withdrawn and no matter how much he pulls away he is unable to secure for himself a sense of comfort and security. When he withdraws from his wife he is indulging in a maladaptive coping mechanism that tells him that he will be hurt if he gets closer to her.

A quote from Bruce in Immortal Hulk #14 "Betty... I know. I should have... called someone. But I--I wasn't ready. It's like I knew that in my gut. I couldn't face it. I've learned to trust feelings like that. They protect me."

Joe, who is emotionally removed from the source of their trauma, does not live in terror of the memories that haunt the rest of the system. Bruce may have repressed memories of his father's worst deeds (and the fact that he, himself, murdered the man) but he still feels the terror that is attached to love.

Devil overtly spells it out during the Immortal Hulk storyline by saying "Deep down inside. He's still that kid. A little kid who can't imagine love without pain." which is sadly an all too true reality for many suffering with DID. We don't need to be child alters to still be eternally living through events that happened decades ago.

In the Immortal Hulk storyline Bruce spent months estranged from her and when he got back to her she ended up caught in crossfire and died herself, only to awaken the gamma in her blood and be resurrected as Red Harpy.

There's a lot of Comics stuff there about Betty's mutate forms (Harpy and Red She-Hulk) and how gamma mutation is psychological in how it presents. All that is needed to be known is that Betty simmers with a silent fury. She has been treated as a trophy her entire life, protected and sheltered by her military general father, all but traded as a dowry to one of her father's loyal men, Glenn Talbot, and then long suffering as Bruce Banner's wife.

Even her Red She-Hulk form was forcibly taken away against her wishes by Bruce "for her own good".

Immortal Hulk #14 (Al Ewing - 2019)

For this reason after she is killed again, her latest gamma mutation draws out a feathered and fanged harpy, something she entirely identifies as with no shame, represented by her instant and intentional transformations between forms. Her catchphrase is "this is ME."

Bruce cannot accept this is the person he married. Joe actively admires and encourages her self-acceptance.

Here's a page where Bruce escapes from a conversation that he himself initiated because he cannot stand to face an imperfect version of Betty:

Immortal Hulk #22 (Al Ewing - 2019)

This all comes to a head when Betty approaches Joe and asks to speak to her husband and after switching out, Bruce feels cornered enough to lash out and demand to speak to his wife. Betty, realizing Bruce will never accept this side of her leaves.

Which brings us back to the hotel room after she reunites with Joe.

The argument breaks out when Betty scornfully notes that if Bruce objected to them being together then he should come out and say it himself, knowing full well that he will continue withdrawing and hiding from her.

Joe admits that Bruce isn't there because he's in hell. There's a very long and interesting explanation to that which is entirely literal.

But the point is that he allowed their reunion and passionate evening to persist without saying that. It clues Betty in to the fact that Joe may be better at hiding it and may be better at smooth talking than the system's host is but he is just as avoidant.

She does not take it well.

Immortal Hulk #48 (Al Ewing - 2021)

But here's the part that really solidifies these two as a pair of grown-ups.

Joe admits to his fuck-up, offers some additional vulnerability (Betty herself refuses to believe Joe is capable of vulnerability and lashes out at him for attempting to emotionally manipulate her) by confessing to his origins as a child's idea of a man.

The little bits of truth about the condition that spill out during this conversation truly show how much empathy Ewing put into depicting DID as accurately as he could for a comic about world breaking atomic beasts. "If I wanted to lie, I coulda said I didn't remember. We usually don't" and "I... we, All of us. The whole damn system... We're messed up" are lines which feel like they could come up during a conversation on these topics.

I cannot even tally the amount of guilt we feel in discussions where we know our brain should be retaining the information and that we want to remember and be clear but we can't. The hardest part is to not just lean on the condition as an excuse or out for many of the valid discussions that come up when navigating a relationship.

At the end of the day the only way to manage these troubled waters is with trust and communication, same as any other relationship.

Joe gives that a try, even.

Immortal Hulk #48 (Al Ewing - 2021)

DID is a hidden illness. It's denial disease. It is sourced from a level of emotional agony that is too present, too constant and too inescapable. It's why, until the age of the internet where ability to recognize symptoms without medical guidance due to knowledge and resources being widespread, the average age of diagnosis is 30 despite symptoms being prevalent from childhood.

Relationships with disordered systems are difficult. When an adult has a trauma response that causes them to dissociate, hide and reject sources of pain and conflict they will inevitably fail to communicate and cause additional friction in a relationship.

Joe here makes his absolute best attempt to bridge that gap. He accepts his failings. Admits fault and attempts to communicate with honesty and vulnerability.

I do not know where Banner/Ross' marriage will go in the future. There's a lot of hurt there. It won't be smoothed over with a single conversation. It won't be healed until Bruce is able to be present in the conversation.

But my heavens this is the most mature discussion I have ever seen on the topic in fiction. Bruce is the personification of the phrase "Hurt people hurt people.", he doesn't mean it. None of the system truly means it (well... sometimes they mean it. They have anger issues after all) but they want to try and be better. Joe does, anyway.

And the sad fact is that sometimes that can be too little, too late.

Betty leaves after the above page. A hopeful person can claim that she was summoned by Dr. Strange's magical call for champions but it doesn't matter. She decides she has seen everything the Banner System has to offer and needs some time for herself.

I look forward to seeing if we ever get a follow-up to this. It's been 2/3 years.

And that brings me to the end of this little detour.

I'll likely be back with more Hulk talk in the future. There are a lot of storylines to cover. But for now, thank you for reading my little squee on this particular comic book relationship. It means a great deal to me.

If you enjoyed my little ramble about DID representation please consider checking out my Media, Myself and I tag. Otherwise, thank you for reading.

Oh and buy Immortal Hulk. It's legitimately one of the best comic runs of all time.

#dawn posting #hulk #comics #bruce banner #betty ross #dissociative identity disorder #media myself and i #hulk posting #this is she #its mahvul baybe

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