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#losing my mind i wish i had taken a ss so i could look at it in the morning
yusukenui · 2 years
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the-wayward-arc · 3 years
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Emperor: MAGNUS, I WISH TO SPEAK TO YOU ALONE.
Magnus: What, are we gonna have a father to Son talk? Shall I get the tissues?
Emperor: YES. WE ARE. NO BULLSHITTERY THIS TIME MY SON.
Magnus: *Surprised* What are you trying to get at here father?
Emperor: YOU HAVE A CHILD, DO YOU NOT?
Magnus: What!?! How did you know that?? Did you invade my mind with your damn deity powers?
Emperor: NO, I SAW HOW YOU REACTED TO YOUR BROTHERS CHILDREN AND THE FACT YOU RECOGNIZED THE PLANET, YOUR CHILD IS THERE AS WELL, AREN'T THEY?
Magnus: *silence as he looks down* Yes, she is.
Emperor: SHE IS THERE NOT BY ACCIDENT IS SHE?
Magnus: No she isn't. I sent her there long ago. To protect her...
EMPEROR: TELL ME WHY.
-long long ago-
Magnus: my daughter was the result of an experiment of mine, a ritual that at the time I thought was a failure, turned out to be the greatest success I've ever done.
Magnus looks down at a small infant, at first there was a scowl on his face to see that it was a child and not a fully grown vessel like he had hoped. He motioned for his servants to take the child away and as she they did, she looked up at him, a small smile spreading on her face as she laid eyes on her the crimson king. A strange feeling creeping onto him as the child began to cry as he started to fade from her view.
Magnus: I didn't want anything to do with child at first, I was just gonna let the people of my planet take care of her but when I went to see her one last time, she looked at me and smiled. She was happy to see me. When I gazed upon her, I wondered if this what you saw when you looked upon us.
Emperor: YOU HAD A MUCH GRAND PURPOSE FOR THE EVOLUTION OF HUMANITY BUT...I HAD WONDERED HOW THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN IF I HAD RAISED YOU ALL TOGETHER, WITH ME.
Magnus: Much like what transpired in that laboratory when we were all whisked away from you, the same thing was gonna happen to this child. Except it wasn't some damn gods asshats but rather me, a voluntary choice of sending her away just because I perceived her creation as a failure. I didn't want that, I felt a bond with her that was like the bond I felt towars you father when we were reunited.
Emperor: YOU RAISED HER, AS SHE WAS YOUR DAUGHTER.
Magnus: Yes, she was my daughter. Born of my blood and actions. I named her Salem, after an old friend from Prospero.
Magnus held Salem within the palm of his hand, the child trying to grab onto his large red finger as she laughed.
Magnus: As she grew, I taught her all that I knew. Her powers were great, not surprising considering who her father was.
Emperor: DON'T HURT YOURSELF WITH ALL THAT BACK PATTING.
Magnus stood in front of a child Salem, wearing acolyte Robes in the same color as her father's legion, her platinum blond hair tied into pony tail as ran towards her father. Flames of Warp fire erupted from her hands as it raced towards Magnus, only to be deflected by his own powers. Salem retreated slightly before summoning a lesser demon that she commanded to attack her father. Magnus was impressed but the small demon was no match for the red giant as he squashed with ease, just as he was about to speak a ball of fire blasted into his face. He stumbled backwards falling to one knee with a loud thud. He looked to see Salem standing away from a fading visage of herself, a smile on her face. Magnus laughed a bit, Impressed by how far she was coming.
Magnus: You caught me my child! *laughs* You are getting better and better! *bends to one knee, patting Salem's head gently*
Salem: Thank you Father, I do have the best teacher after all!
Emperors: HER POWERS WERE GROWING EVERYDAY WEREN'T THEY?
Magnus: Yes, again given her family it came at no surprise...but I knew I wasn't the only one noticing.
A teen Salem stood in front of two Rubric marines, ordering them ease while also summoning more lesser daemons though she was staring to put slight stronger demons under her thrall. Magnus watched above as Salem was practicing with her powers, doing his best to ensure a ritual was holding to keep a certain god from detecting her growing powers.
Magnus: Her powers were getting closer to my own, her control over the Rubrics and the daemons my Legion had enslaved were proof enough that she would reach my level soon. I was afraid. Afraid of what Tzeentch would do if he discovered her, discovered that I was hiding her with a ritual. I was terrified of him taking her and her becoming like me...so I had to make a decision.
Emperor: YOU WERE GOING TO HIDE HER.
Magnus: Yes. I summoned Ahriman back to the planet of sorcerers, despite our history he hated Tzeentch and I knew he was still loyal to my Legion. We scoured a place untouched by both the Imperium and Chaos, which we discovered Remnant. It had a unique relationship to the warp that basically hid it from the chaos gods. Souls there rarely entered the warp, rather they became part of the planet unless they were immensely powerful. So, I sent her there...I gave her false memories of this placing being her home. I alerted the memories of an ancient ruler so that he would protect my daughter and think of her as his own.
Magnus looked upon the sleeping form of Salem, a tear running down his face as he opened a portal to Remnant and to the kingdom she would placed in, no words were said as he took her through the portal, laying her down onto the bed. He gave one her one last look before going back, the portal closing behind him as Ahriman stood close by. To protect his daughter from Tzeentch, sacrifices must be made.
Magnus: I watched her grow, becoming a strong and capable leader. Only to see that bastard lock her away, but to interfere would mean Tzeentch might notice as well as the others. I couldn't risk that chance, so I had to watch my child be locked away for powers that exceeded all those around her. Then I watched as Events unfolded I could never predict and wish I would have to save her the pain.
Magnus watched through a small tear, a small window as his daughter was saved from the tower. Finding freedom and love with a young man, she watched their adventures as his daughter grew more accustomed to her powers, he saw her happiness and had hoped this meant he had been right about this place despite what had happened to her. But over the years, he watched more and more how things began to turn away from her; losing her husband, trying to revive him only to be stopped by those twin bastards, watching as they tried to tell her about balance only to disrupt the balance themselves by killing all the humans on Remnant and casting the blame onto her.
Magnus: She went through pain. Guilt, thinking she was to blame for the deaths of untold billions. When it was those two bastards throwing a tantrum for the actions of a few.
Emperor: WHAT BECAME OF THEM?
Magnus: I don't know but I have my sorcerers to this day looking for them, so I can kill them both personally.
Emperor: I'LL JOIN YOU, A GOOD OLD FASHION FATHER AND SON BONDING MOMENT.
Magnus: *Chuckles* Yeah, that'd be fun father.
Emperor: WHAT BECAME OF MY GRANDCHILD AFTERWARDS.
Magnus: She wandered for a long time, as humanity grew back and rebuilt. She assumed she was cursed with immortality but it wasn't a curse that those two claim to have given her, it was a gift from me. So that one day we could meet and she could see the galaxy and all the secrets that it holds. I wanted to protect my daughter, I did so much to make her both Immortal and invulnerable. But she saw it as a curse when she tried to take her own life. But she found her love once more, reborn by those two bastards. She had a family but that didn't last either...
Emperor: WHAT HAPPENED?
Magnus: An argument between her and her husband about the fate of their world escalated when he tried to take away their children, my granddaughters. They too were growing powerful with their newfound powers or magic as they called it. But they were caught in the crossfire and were slain.
Emperor: WHAT BECAME OF THEIR SOULS? *ANGER RISES* THEY WERE NOT TAKEN BY DEMONS WERE THEY?
Magnus: I would never allow such a thing to happen! No, I intervened and saved their souls, *produces an orb, The Emperor has the orb floated towards him and he can hear children laughing* Their souls are in there, safe. To them, that was all a bad dream and they are just living their lives as children again. I would never allow harm to befall them, they are my grandchildren and they will always be safe no matter what.
Emperor: HAVE YOU SEEN THEM? I KNOW IT IS POSSIBLE.
Magnus: *looking at the Orb, hearing the children play* A few times, but I never truly interacted with out of fear that Tzeentch would find it.
EMPEROR: MAGNUS, HE CANNOT GET YOU HERE, IT WILL BE SAFE FOR YOU TO SEE YOUR GRANCHILDREN. WHAT HAS BECOME OF SALEM?
Magnus: She is angry and saddened, now that the have been to that planet and that you have ensured the Imperium cannot touch it, I wish to see her soon. To be her father once more.
Emperor: SOON, YOU SHOULD SOON. MY SON, I SHALL ENSURE THAT PLANET WILL BE SAFE FOR NOT ONLY YOUR CHILD BUT ALL OF MY GRANDCHILDREN. MY GREAT GRANDCHILDREN AS WELL, WHEN WE UNFUCK THE IMPERIUM, I WILL HELP YOU RESTORE NOT ONLY SALEM BUT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN AS WELL.
Magnus: T-Thank you Father, *holds orb Close*
Emperor: OF COURSE MAGNUS.
-Remnant, Land of Darkness-
Salem tosses and turns, nightmares that have plagued her for centuries, she awoke suddenly surrounded only by nothing the nothing suddenly being replaced with a room, one that looked familiar to her. Books stacked high with various scrolls strung about, she picked up one to see it was her hand writing! But what her caught her more by surprise was her skin, it was back to normal. Back to human! So was her other arm! She immediately ran to a nearby mirror to see she had regained her humanity, no longer looking like a Grimm personified. She heard the small pitter patter of feet, turning around quickly, she was greeted by the sight of her 4 daughters running up to her. She took a step back in shock as they hugged her, smiling.
Celeste: Mommy! Mommy! There you are!
Faye: We were wondering where you were!
Salem was still shocked, this couldnt be real! No! This was a nightmare, the moment she touched, they'll be ripped away from her! But she slowly raised her hand to her oldest daughters head, nothing happened save for the feeling of her hair and Celeste laughing. She hugged her daughters, nothing happened save for them hugging her back! This wasn't a dream and even if it was, she didn't want to end. She cried as she held them close, hugging them tightly.
Amber: Grandpa said you would cry, but its okay Momma!
Salem: I know, I just...missed you all *hiccup* so much! Wait, what do you mean grandpa? *she looked at them all, each one smiling as they looked back*
Magnus approached, the giant of a man looked at Salem and her daughters. A warm expression on her face, even as Salem got protectively in front of her daughters.
Magnus: Hello Salem, it has been too long.
Salem: w-Who are you!? *warp fire appeared in her hand, she would not let this giant harm her daughters!*
Magnus: *chuckles* Seems I need to get rid of that memory altering *he waves his hand as a mist quickly envelops Salem before quickly dissipating*
Salem: *Looks at Magnus, anger raising but slowly new memories began to surface, memories of this room. Training, reading, laughing, smiling. Memories of him* F-Father? *she falls to her knees, her daughters around her concerned as more tears steamed down her face as Magnus dropped to one knee*
Magnus: There is much to talk about my little book worm.
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Ignorance is Blitzed (Part One)
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When you come into contact with some substance that makes you sick while on a routine building search, Ron realizes he may not be as emotionally detached as he’d thought initally thought. WARNINGS: you get poisoned and feel pretty shit, there are some potty words, but all in all pretty tame (FOR NOW).
This will probably be at least a two part-er, so let a sister know if you want to be tagged(?)
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
You’d barely had a chance to get out of the building you’d been searching before you coughed so violently you fell to your knees, a horrible gasping sound tearing its way out of your throat before you even have a chance to scream for a medic.
You were dying. You had to be dying.
You’d found an ivory crushed tablet at the bottom of a footlocker you’d found inside of the bombed out general store the Nazi’s had been using as sleeping barracks, and instantly pinched some of it between your fingers for closer inspection, rubbing the chalky dust between your fingertips to see if it had the same texture as aspirin. 
It wasn’t uncommon for one of you to find medications and other rations in footlockers and other personal items during an inventory search, and most of the time you could easily figure out what it was and whether or not it was something Doc or someone else might need. 
But this tablet and it’s powder were unfamiliar (aspirin would’ve had a more obvious, sour odor that you would’ve clocked the minute you’d opened the footlocker’s lid), and when you brought it to your nose to sniff it more critically you instantly regretted it—the smell was chemical and harsh and it burned your nasal passage in a way you’d never experienced before. Your eyes had instantly watered and you’d exhaled sharply through your nostrils in a vain attempt to make the hurt go away.
The pain spread up your head and spiderwebbed into your brain. A bursting prickle of pain behind your eyes flared like a burning star, your face had begun feeling hot and your head was ringing. 
It’s too hot in here, I have to get out of here so I can breathe.
You pressed the heels of your hands into your eyes as you stumbled back out the way you had come, bumping heavily between the rough stone of the wall and your friends as you desperately tried to remember the way out. 
You felt sick to your stomach as your skin breaks out into a cool sweat. Panic was setting in, with your ability to breath compromised as well as your hearing beginning to go white.
“Y/n?” you think you hear Martin calling your name through the fog that is taking residence in your ear canals, and something is trying to pull your hands from your eyes. “Hey kiddo, what’s wrong? What’d you find—?”
“DON’T!” You blurt, opening your eyes and wishing you hadn't when the room begins to spin. You see the light of the doorway over Bull’s shoulder-Bull? When did he get here?- and you close your eyes and forget everything else except for forward and outside and I can't breathe….
“Hey!” Someone (Luz?) growls as you shove the shape of him out of the way, and you don’t think you’re making sense but you’re talking all the same.
Stop talking, you need air!
When your knees hit the hard ground you barely have a chance to catch yourself on your hands before you dry heave so hard you can feel the ache of it in your ribs. Your heart is beating too fast and hard in your chest and if you could feel your hands you’d use them to tear some of your layers away because you’re boiling alive and there’s nothing you can do about it.
“Fuck, what happened—WHAT HAPPENED?!”
With a great deal of effort you crack your eyes open again and spot Ron Speirs’ signature glare coming your way, shucking off his vest and bag without breaking stride as he neared. You’re aware of Martin and Bull by your sides, but you can’t seem to figure out what they’re saying.
Why is no one helping me? Can’t they see I’m dying?
“Don’t touch the tab- cough cough….the footlocker….!” you try again, tasting blood in your mouth after you released another hacking cough, and you’re dimly aware of Bull pulling your hat off of your head and sigh at the blissful chill of fresh air on your clammy skin.
“We got it, no one’s gonna touch it, y/n—” he murmurs somewhere to your left, and you think you nod in understanding but you can’t be sure/
“What’s happening?” Ron snapped, his rough hands grabbing your face and tilting it up so he could look at it. “Where does it hurt, y/n—?”
“I can’t breathe! It's so hard to breathe— Fuck, i think my brain is melting…”
“Your brain?” his voice is lower in volume now, yet your head still throbs as if he were shouting. Your head is thudding in time with your heartbeat, and you don't realize you’ve been crying until his thumbs brush away from the tears clouding your vision.
A tremble runs through your body and you squeeze your eyes shut as the world tilts from side to side unreliably. 
His rough hands are abruptly snatched back, but you can’t open your eyes to keep track of where they have gone. 
Suddenly, a set of arms hook under your knees and shoulders and you're lifted from the ground, your head reeling.
“Don’t!” she gasps as the person carrying her begins to quickly walk back the way you’d seen that Speirs had come from. “I’ll get sick on you—!“
“Then get sick on me. It’s not the worst thing to happen to this coat.” Ron says matter-of-factly, making his grip on you painfully tight as he begins barking orders at people around you.
“Ron—” you try again, but your body spasms in his arms as the pain in your head crests to new heights. “Oh, God, I think I’m dying—”
“Shut up.” He hisses, and you think you hear a stain of panic in his command. “Just shut up and try to stay awake”
You sob as you lean your head against his shoulder, your bones too big for your body and your skin aching.
The next time you blink Roe is suddenly there, and your mouth is so dry your tongue creaks as it moves in your mouth. 
You’ve been set on a lumpy mattress somewhere and Ron, Nix, Bull, and Roe are standing around you and talking amongst each other too quickly for you to catch. 
By some miracle you are able to shove Roe away from your side just in time to avoid your vomit as you lean over the side of the bed and throw up painfully onto the ground where his feet had just been.
Your head is so foggy now, and everything hurts so badly you wish that you would just die and be done with the whole thing.
“Didn’t I tell you to shut up about that?” you hear Ron chide, and hands are smoothing your hair off of your face and neck with a gentleness you didn’t expect from someone so rough. “You heard the Doc, didn’t you?”
You shake your head because you honestly had no idea what Eugene may have said (because up until recently you hadn’t even known he’d been there), letting another set of hands push your shoulders back until you were laying on the mattress again. 
You felt Roe rubbing at the skin inside of your elbow as he prepared some sort of injection, and you tried your best to hold still so he could find a vein.
“C’mon, y/n,” Nixon’s voice was far away, and in your delirium you could’ve sworn he sounded just like your dad. “I know it’s tough but try to stay still—”
Home, home, should’ve stayed home. Wouldn’t have died like this at home….
“It’s okay, darlin’” Roe mumbled, cursing in French as another spasm of trembling runs through you. “It’s gonna be over soon—”
Before you can even begin to panic about that promise, hands grab your face again and turn your head away from the doctor, and when you open your eyes all you can see is Ron.
“It’s not poison, you’re not dying, Y/n- look at me! Good, now just look at me and the Doc’ll give you something to make you feel better—”
Th poke of the needle makes you cry out like a baby, but rather than getting angry with you Ron just nods and makes a soft tsking sound under his breath.
“I know, sweetheart. I know.”
You watch those dark eyes of his harden as he shoots a look towards Roe. “How long till that shit kicks in—?”
“Seconds. It may not knock her out, but she should start feeling better right away—”
Speirs didn’t bother waiting for the man to finish before looking back down at you and softening his gaze once more.
He must be scared, he wouldn’t be acting like this in front of other people if he wasn’t scared i might not make it.
Whatever Roe had injected you with was cold in your veins, blissfully cold, and you could feel it turning your spasming limbs to lead with each slowing thud of your heart.
Taking what had to be the first deep breath you’d taken in hours, you watch as Ron nods and makes a point to sync your breathing, his breath cool of your damp face as he exhales with you.
“Good, good. That’s good, sweetheart….”
Your eyes lose their ability to focus, eyelids now too heavy to keep open.
But the idea of letting them close and going to sleep filled you with dread, and even though you couldn’t articulate your concern Ron seemed to read your mind and you felt his lips at the shel of your ear.
“I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise you that you’ll be okay, okay?”
You weren’t sure if he was saying it more to you or to himself or to the other men in the room, but you nodded all the same.
A cool cloth is wiped across your brow and you feel yourself sinking into whatever medicated slumber Roe has concocted for you.
“What the fuck is Pervitin and what the hell was it doing in an SS footlocker?”
Bull’s voice sounds like it’s underwater, and the harder you try to listen and see what the answer is, you quicker you slip into the cool and inviting darkness that curled around the edges of your mind.
I could rest, you think with resigned exhaustion as you let yourself fall from consciousness. It’s been so long since I’ve rested….
The weight of Ron’s hand on your cheek was the last thing holding you to the world, and when that slipped away you followed suit.
And nothing hurt anymore.
******IMPORTANT HISTORICAL CONTEXT: 
After discovering boxes of tablets labeled Pervitin on a downed German supply plane (if i remember this correctly), the Allies realized that the Axis countries had developed a performance enhancing drug that would: 1. Keep soldiers awake and active for days at a time without needing sleep/food, 2. Increased aggression and confidence in battle, and 3. Kept soldiers from slipping into ‘shell shock’.
BIG PROBLEM THOUGH, BC PERVITIN IS LITERALLY JUST METH. REALLY REALLY PURE AND CONCENTRATED METH (which is BAD!)!
So, the Allies said to themselves: “Self, self here. Listen- what if we came up with our own Pervitin for our soldiers so they too can be better/faster/stronger?”
So, the Allies came up with Benzedrine- WHICH IS ALSO METH AND STILL VV BAD FOR YOU!
In this story, reader stumbles across some accidentally and unknowingly ends up ingesting it and you get vv sick (which is also a thing that happens to ppl who accidentally inhale amphetamines). Bc I’m a nerd I looked it up that nowadays you’d probably be given some sort of Benzodiazepine/nourishing fluids cocktail to counteract the side effects, so we’re gonna pretend that’s what the cure is in the 40s  MKAY? MKAY. 
(also tagging @mrsalwayswrite​ bc rumor has it they also have a soft spot for our dashing murder prince with nice hair and death in his eyes)
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kyber-heart · 3 years
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The Saga of Lord Vindexa: Part I - Chaos in The Capital 
A ‘Star Wars: The Old Republic’ fanwork
[UPDATED & FINALISED]
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Darth Marr has died. A death that has been felt across The Sith Empire. In the wake of this tragedy and the destruction caused by the unknown invaders from the Unknown Regions, anarchy has descended within the borders of Imperial Space. The Dark Council has fractured due an inability to settle upon a suitable replacement for Marr. 
While the other councillors engage in open conflict across the empire, the allied forces of Darth Marr have begun fighting amongst each other to claim their fallen master’s place on The Dark Council.
Even now, the dark lord’s fortress on the planet Dromund Kaas is under siege. Vindexa, his last apprentice, tries desperately to hold out against the forces of Lord Regeus Drellik in her bid to claim her place...
------Another explosion rattled the main building. 
‘That bastard will reduce this place to rubble with those bombers’ Vindexa thought to herself. She had retreated deep into the fortress ops centre with a number of advisors and tacticians who had sworn loyalty to her. There were not many who did. Regeus had been Marr’s former student before her. Their master’s people knew him longer, and his position as Lord of The Sith gave him a right to more respect and fealty that she deserved as an apprentice. The few men and women who had pledged loyalty to her, amounted to only a large garrison of troops. It would not be enough to secure victory through sheer force. At this point, they were only stalling for the hope that they could exploit a weakness in the invading forces defences. She looked across the holotable in the centre of the room. An older officer, Captain Vand, spoke with junior officers. Another tactician, younger than Vand but certainly older than Vindexa herself, deftly danced his fingers across a datapad, running statistics. Her eyes returned to the projection, her gaze fixating upon the rear guard where she knew Drellik would be commanding his forces at this very moment.
“My lady, if I may-” The young tactician’s words pulled her attention, and in the worst way. She silenced him mid-sentence. Her head snapped to meet his eyes and with a quick clench of her raised hand his words were cut off, replaced by a strained gargling for breath.
‘My lady’
The phrase repeated in her mind. The term, while respectful at face value, never failed to anger the young Sith. While it was one of many accepted terms of address, to her it felt like an insult. She had only been an apprentice for a couple of years. Still young and with it, came the doubts her ability. She was aware of it. It was the reason that so many of her master’s allies sided with Drellik against her. A mere Apprentice would simply be swept aside she knew they said, and she knew that even the people in this very room still harboured doubt. That they still only saw her as an apprentice, not fit to be addressed as a Lord of The Sith. 
“I am Sith, and you will refer to me as ‘lord’. Do I make myself clear?” She stared into the eyes of the one who insulted her. In them, she saw fear, her own corrupted yellow eyes reflected against deep brown irises. She tightened her grip up on the man’s windpipe for emphasis. 
“Y-ye-ss”
She relaxed her grip as the man crumpled to the floor, gasping for air. 
“Yes what?” she demanded, her voice cool and steady. A trait learned from her master. 
“Yes. yes, my lord.” 
The thrill never wore on hearing that. It felt fitting and right to her ears. After all, she had stepped up to take control. She would carry on her master’s legacy and forge her own. She would win this day and she would demand the respect she was due, both here and now and from the Dark Council once she crushed Drellik. Yet that was still the pressing issue. Looking back over the holoprojection of the battleground she tried to find something that could serve as an advantage. 
“Captain, report.” She looked to the older man. His features stony as he stroked the mustache that decorated his upper lip. The regret however, saturated his eyes.
“Not the best, I’m afraid. The anti-air defense turrets have been rendered inoperable, my lord. The outer wall is only minutes from being breached. We have pulled what’s left of our infantry back into the main building. At best, we have thirty minutes before his soldiers will have entered the building.”
Vindexa cursed to herself. The situation just became gradually worse.
“I will not surrender to him. What about artillery? Heavy weapons?” 
He sighed and tapped upon the datapad to his left. Vindexa’s eyes shifted back to the projection. The red lights which signaled enemy forces were drawing ever closer, and the bombers were coming back around for another run. Sure enough, within seconds the building shook and a control panel by the side sprayed it’s user with sparks before bursting into flame. She watched as a few technicians rushed to the other officer’s aid and to extinguish the fire. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the tactician speaking two other officers quietly.
“We have five walkers in the vehicle compound but getting our forces out there risks a lot, besides, the bombers would take them out easily.” Her advisor reported, pulling her attention away from the tactician.
“Then it’s a risk I wi-“
Suddenly, alarms rang through the ops centre. Looking down at the holoprojection, the cause was clear. The walls had been breached, and the dots of red began to pour in. Vindexa began to feel herself tremble. She had worked so hard to get to where she was, to become the student of the great Darth Marr. She would have been bestowed the title of a Lord of The Sith soon, she just knew it. Now, she could feel her future falling through her hands like sand. 
“Arghhhh!” her frustrated growl echoed through the ops centre chamber as her fist came down on the holo-table, an act which cause the projection to stutter briefly. 
“My Lord I-” Vand began when his whole frame suddenly shuddered and crumpled to the floor. Behind him, two officers stood with blasters raised. She took a step back in surprise only to jump forward again in fright upon feeling something press into her back. As she turned to see, she saw the tactician who had insulted her pointing a blaster at her. A blast of blue light came hurtling towards her. She felt the hit connect with her. The electromagnetic blast shook her to the core, and she could feel herself losing control of her body causing her to fall to the floor. As her consciousness began to fade and her vision turn dark, she saw the face of the tactician leaning over her.  His voice, seething with contempt, was the last thing she heard.
“Sorry, My Lady” 
--------
First, there was the sound. A repeating rhythmic sound. Vindexa strained to hear it more clearly. Second, sensation began to return. She was moving, almost like she was flying? It was a weird experience. Her entire body ached still and her limbs only began gradually returning to her control. Lastly, as the dark cloud began to lift and her vision began returning to focus, so did her mind. She saw the dark metal flooring of her master’s fortress, specifically the polished upper levels. In that near obsidian mirror she saw her own shadow gliding across it flanked by two others, one on either side of her. Her memory began to fill in its blanks. She had been betrayed, yet they had not killed her, they had captured her. Though still feeling the effects of the stun blast, she willed herself to look upwards as they stopped at a doorway. The soldiers stopped dragging her. She could hear voices but did not register the words. She let her body go heavy, allowing her to fall out of their grip. She tried to move her hands but found them cuffed. 
The soldiers were quick to react and were pulling her back to her feet. A loud hiss rang out and suddenly she was being pushed through the doorway. With her strength returning to her, she managed to catch herself and steady herself onto her feet. She looked around the room, a wide-open space stretched out before her. Statues, busts, display cases and trophies lined the walls, save for the furthest wall which was taken up mostly by floor to ceiling window that overlooked the Dromund Kaas jungle. Flashes of lightning threw additional light into the sparsely lit room. In the middle of the room, was her master’s throne. A replica of the same type that stood in the Dark Council chambers on Korriban. However, in it sat not her master, but a pale skinned human man, with brown hair styled impeccably and glowing yellow eyes like her own. He began to chuckle as he rose to his feet. 
“I have to give you credit, Apprentice. You held out longer than I expected you would.” 
Regeus Drellik sneered as he took slow steps towards her. His suit of Sith armor causing each step to be punctuated by a metallic thunk against the metal floor. This was not their first meeting. He had been their master’s previous student. As such, he was constantly returning to the fortress to receive new instructions from Lord Marr. The man oozed overconfidence and it made her want to bash his smug face in every time they met. She wished she could do so now more than ever.
“You had agents in my fold all this time?” Her voice was venomous, it caused Drellik to grin wider in amusement. He came to a stop just in front of her, clasping his hands behind him.
“On the contrary, they defected. They hoped that by presenting you to me, it would leverage them some bargaining power in their bid for survival.” 
“And did it?” 
“Oh yes” the grin shifted to a smirk. He began to stroll around her. “You see, I am not without a heart. I welcomed them and now-” he paused. Vindexa felt a hand on her shoulder as he leaned in and he whispered near her ear “- I will do the same for you”.  The rage inside her threatened to boil over. She shook her shoulder free of his touch, causing only another bout of infuriating laughter. 
“Wake up, Vindexa, you’ve lost. I’m offering you a chance to be a part of something bigger than you could have accomplished alone.”
Vindexa stopped listening. Her eyes flicked around the room, searching. Her own lightsaber was gone, but there was more than a few that her master had collected over the years. Her eyes lit upon on to her left. 
“- Zhorrid, Rictus, Aruk... all gone. The one who rises from the ashes of this mess will be the next emperor. I’m offering you a place at my side and together, we could become rulers.” 
She returned her attention to Drellik. She knew the promise was only a platitude. This was no path to power. Drellik cared only for himself and he would throw her aside at a moments notice. She wanted to break her chains, not accept new ones. Besides, he would never become emperor, certainly not if she had anything to say about it.
“Never.” she spat. Summoning what strength she could, she used the Force to push Drellik into one of the glass cabinets along the right wall and quickly turned to her left and summoned the mounted lightsaber she had spotted there. Activating the saber, it crackled to life with a violent hiss as an unstable orange blade materialized. She managed to sever the connection on the binder cuffs. Holding the blade aloft she readied herself as Drellik got to his feet, lightsaber in hand. It sprung to life with more power than the ancient weapon she held, and its blade was a deep crimson in comparison. The two began to circle one another.
“You’re just an insect in my path. I have faced more powerful adversaries than you.” Drelik hissed loudly at her through gritted teeth
Vindexa unleashed a haunting scream as she leapt forward, launching at the other Sith. Red and orange blades crashed against one another as sparks flew. However, it was soon clear that age and experience were triumphing in this fight. Drellik fought fiercely, a Juyo stylist through and through. His fast and erratic strikes quickly became overwhelming for her, even as she tried to switch her style to the Soresu hybrid Marr had been fond of. It happened when her guard slipped. Drellik’s saber hit against her face twice in succession, clearly not deliberate, yet the pain caused her to stumble backwards. A terrible mistake as she found herself struck by alchemic sith lightning. The tendrils of electricity wrothe around her. She screwed her eyes closed as she let out another yell, this time of agony. Before she could even fall to the floor once again, she felt an invisible force collide with her body. She felt herself soaring again as the electric energy continued to burn her. As she opened her eyes once more, she registered that she was about to crash through the massive window. With only seconds to impact, she braced herself. Her body connected with the glass, shattering it upon impact as she fell from the fourth storey. With a final yell she surrendered herself to fate.
-------
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bramblie · 3 years
Text
Amai x Shoku fanfic
I translated a part of my fanfic for you poor non-Russian speaking shippers to read.
Rated T for a k*ss, 100% Fluff
BIG GIANT THANKS TO @sakis-sweets​​ FOR EDITING
Recently, his soft voice had begun to sound deeper in her head. The way he leaned over to her to ask for advice, his habit of smoothing out that one lock of hair that never laid flat when he's deep in thought, his dimples, created by a natural smile - all of it seemed somewhat brighter, like they were important moments.
Every now and then Amai recalled the feeling of his coarse and thick hair between her fingers from that time she pretended there was a crumb stuck in it. Perhaps, this urge to touch Shoku was born from the devastation of losing Yamada-senpai.
Aishi-san gracefully pushed the right buttons, convincing Amai that "giving" Yamada-senpai to her was a fair price for her help. "Giving"... it hurt Amai's ears to think of him as an object like that. After that, Aishi-san had stopped greeting her, let alone talking to her or asking to spend time together. Amai didn't realise her good will had been taken advantage of until it was too late. Yamada-senpai looked happy with her, and he didn’t evoke any flutter in Amai's chest anymore. Tsuburaya-senpai, on the other hand…
Even pronouncing his last name in her mind was kind of embarrassing. After his name, his facial features came to mind, as well as his thin, long palms and quiet giggles...
"What’s on your mind, Odayaka-san?"
"Oh! Oh, nothing. More precisely, this problem.”
It was hard to focus on numbers when a handsome guy was baking amazing dishes a few meters away. Other members of the Cooking Club had already gone to share their food. Shoku achieved excellent results, but cooked slowly and had a habit of leaving varying degrees of mess. Amai had decided not to cook today and study for an upcoming algebra test instead. Club members periodically came to her for advice - inequalities were hard to grasp - and she couldn’t help but constantly raise her eyes to Shoku. In short, not the best conditions for studying. Shoku washed his hands, leaving bowls and measuring cups on the table. Amai would have immediately reminded him of it if he hadn’t sat next to her. Was she delirious or was he actually emanating with warmth? He looked in a problem book and slightly nodded to himself. What a beautiful profile...
"Hm, I think I remember this. Look..."
He took out a pencil and began to solve the problem, explaining the method along the way. Amai tried not to look in his eyes and focus on what was being written but she kept noticing his glances at her with her peripheral vision. Did that mean something? No, it seemed like Shoku was just estimating if she understood the solution or not. He put the pencil back.
"You’re so smart, senpai!"
"Haha, don’t mention it. Try it yourself now."
Amai read the next problem. It seemed completely different. She took a pencil in bewilderment, hoping for comprehension to strike as she began to write. It didn’t strike. She shot a glance at Shoku and he made eye contact with her. And then he let out a small laugh. The pencil reappeared in his fingers and he started explaining that the formula would be the same, but instead of integer values, there were fractions. After three indents «х ≥ а-b/3» was written. Shoku giggled once more when Amai stared at the notebook and shook her head.
"Maybe you should take a break? The cupcakes are almost done; I can make tea for them."
Amai needed to distract herself from all of these «x≥» and «a±b», so she volunteered to make tea herself. Amai recalled that Shoku liked black tea with ginger and two tablespoons of sugar. She put a spoonful of honey and a slice of lemon in her own mug. Shoku’s cupcakes seemed to be made with orange peels, so the combination would be excellent. Amai looked at Shoku and realized he was looking at her, resting his chin on his hand. Maybe not even looking, more like observing… She brought mugs, looking down at them as if she was afraid of being caught in eye contact again.
"Thank you, Odayaka-san."
"The pleasure is mine, senpai. Judging by the timer, the cupcakes would be ready in five minutes."
"Wonderful, just in time for the tea to cool down."
Shoku brought the mug under his nose to check the aroma and lightly nodded. He knew that Amai knew his favourite kind of tea, so what was the point of being surprised and thanking her each time? She felt his gaze on her face again. Damn it, why did it take only one glance for him to make her head spin and her chest burn, but it seemed she couldn’t make him blush even if she would grab his collar, draw him to herself and- Oh, what the hell!
"Odayaka-san, how’re you doing lately?"
"U-Um, everything is fine. Except for upcoming exams, of course."
"Is it fine in the bakery too?"
"Of course! Business goes smoothly."
"What about your private life?"
"U-Um, mhm, uh, w-what? W-What do you mean?"
Shoku ran his finger along the rim of the mug and took it away as it started to burn.
"Lately you seem... how should I say it… melancholic."
"Oh."
"You were in a similar state a couple of months ago when you fell in love with my classmate. You couldn’t focus and lowered your head just like that. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that you… Ahem, yeah."
Amai hadn’t been aware of that at all. Yamada-senpai had haunted her thoughts as well, but did he cause such inner trembling like Shoku? Are the excitements in her heart that noticeable?
"I don’t even know what to say… F-fine, yes, I guess, yes, I admit, I’m lost in all these thoughts. But don’t worry, I will return back to normal soon!"
 Shoku took his mug, made a little sip and whispered something above the surface of a drink. 
 "I didn’t hear you."
Shoku whispered a little louder, and Amai barely made out his words from his breath.
"Who is it?"
It’s you. Come on, say it. It’s you. A split second will pass soon. It’s so hard to breathe. It’s you.
"I can’t tell."
I’m afraid to tell. It wasn’t Friday, and they were not under the cherry tree behind the school; she couldn’t confess. Amai at least knew she wouldn’t be rejected under the cherry tree. She could soothe herself as much as she wanted with thoughts of all his glances and gestures, but it was not enough for full confidence. Her bravery was limited to “accidental” touches and compliments to his dishes. Shoku sipped his tea again and looked at the window overlooking the corridor.
"Well, I wish you good luck."
 Amai grabbed the chance to gaze at him. So many times now, she couldn’t lift her head because he had looked at her. He was so unbearably close all this time. Thick brown hair, folds on his shirt, emphasizing the thinness of his arms, long neck… Amai noticed a flour stain on his neck. He must’ve scratched it with floury hands, washed them, and forgotten about his neck… The urge appeared, and didn’t leave any seconds for hesitation. 
 Shoku jerked his head towards Amai. She held her gaze with all her might on her fingers that were stroking, that is to say wiping his neck. Still, she gave up in his trap. She needed to explain he had a stain there. She needed to, but… Those half-closed eyelids… Cheeks, covered with pink… Lips, opened in silent question… It seemed like Amai forgot her words. Shoku too, apparently, because instead of asking any questions he tilted his head.
 It seemed like Amai had forgotten what she was doing. With her thumb, she slid under his jaw line and slowly ran it along his neck. Shoku closed his mouth with the back of his hand and looked out the window again to make sure no one could see them. Amai ran her palm up his neck and felt the texture of his hair. Yes, memories can’t be compared to an ongoing feeling. Her fingers were lightly playing with small strands while her palm kept stroking his neck.
 Shoku suddenly straightened up. Amai was in such trance, she forgot about the eye contact, so he caught her with her guard down. She immediately seemed to sober up. What was happening right now? Why did she stroke his neck? Why did he hold her hand in place when she tried to pull it away? Why did Shoku’s face become closer?
 Amai felt an exhale on her lips. She exhaled too, and the hot air between her and Shoku caused such a strong pressure in her chest she squeezed her shirt. And then there was a touch. Soft and hot, with a taste of ginger which made Amai squeak. Or was it something else? Shoku gently nipped her bottom lip a few times and breathed out without breaking contact. But, after slowly moving away, he stood up.
 Amai opened her eyes. Shoku went to the kitchen and behind the partition she heard the sound of him opening the oven.
“The cupcakes are ready.”
Five minutes had passed.
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myfight · 3 years
Text
ME AND MY 2 BABIES STORY PLEASE HELP US ANYBODY PLEASE AND THANK YOU
Hello Everyone I´m sorry to bother you Guys right now but as of right now i don´t know what else to do im 28 years old born in NC and brought up in NC by my grandmother my mom had 8 of us lol yes 8 of us she dropped us first four off with our grandma for a man so coming up was hard especially been the third oldest i had to grow up fast started cooking at the age of 5 childhood was very messed up and we was highly affected by our mother actions which cause us major pain because of the things we had to go through and hear getting beatings with drop cords switches belts brooms etc whatever they had close by sadly my mother came back to take us when i reach middle school all because my dad gave my grandmother money for taking care of his two he got with my mom me and a brother my mom was money hungry and still is but since he didn't give her the money she came back to take us out of spite knowing she didn't want us have your mother ever told you if her grandma was living she wouldn't had no kids at all or wish she didn't have the kids she got or feel the need to tell her kids how long they gone live in this world and her favorite was we want live to see our old age smh well mines said all of it proudly with a smile we were damage by that as well when i was 16 i moved in with my boyfriend and his family who was next door to my mom i was threaten daily by him and when i would tell my mom she would ask me what did i do to him or say to him as if it was my fault and i actually thought i was the bad guy breaking all the relationship rules then them threats turned into major beatings where i would have to run next door crying with the black eyes busted lips and all only for my mother to say the same thing WHAT DID I DO TO HIM so wrong smh sad but true it was like she didn't want me staying with her because she knew we didn't like her young husband who was beating on her and when we would take up for her she turned on us and was on his side and whatever he say goes so if he didn't want me there even doe i´m her blood she birth me she wasn't gone go against him so i want gone be there smh so i had no where at all to go but back to the one abusing me in many different forms it was like a hobby for him years passing by and beatings getting worst more black eyes bruises and busted lips he kept me in the house from everybody and i mean everybody when i was 20 i was blessed to be pregnant just by the wrong man who i always tried to get away from but i was beyond happy because i would soon see and feel what real love feels like and i thought by me being pregnant with his child the cheating would stop and i would be safe from the beatings but oh no i thought wrong yes the beatings was worst the whole 9 months i had black eyes busted lips etc even was slammed on the ground slammed on top of rocks and all while pregnant with nobody to turn too feeling unwanted and worthless but still happy because i was becoming a mother thinking when i have our baby it would be better for us both and plus i had no where to go so 2012 i had my first real love my baby thank GOD I was crying with full of joy i can say the first 2 months everything was good falling into place for my family no more beatings but then his old ways came back i´m getting beatings in front of my 2 month old even while holding him at times i´m home daily while he out living life because of my baby i kept faith even through the beatings hurt and pain then 2 years later i found out i was pregnant again i was beyond happy again but he wasn't at all so them beatings was way worst now i´m getting beating while pregnant holding my 2 year old mother still next door asking me what am i doing wrong smh he would put crushed pills in my food and drinks he would put a lot of stuff in my food and drinks to make me lose my second child i´m getting stomped and all when he get upset with whoever or when he couldn't get his way or his weed he did so much to try an make me lose my baby i went to my mom house next door while he was working i begged her to let me stay with her into i have my baby and ill do anything she said yes i could but i had to give her 200 in my food stamps every month and i was only getting 300 but i had to do whatever to save my baby this is year 2014 then i finally had my baby while staying at my moms when i was at the hospital he came crying saying all the right things i wanted to hear and now that my baby is here my mom no longer wanted us there so i went back to my baby daddy house the 3 of us everything was okay once again at first when my baby was 2 months he had came home around 3 or 4 am after leaving the club he came in all drunk just all over the place i whisper to him to please not be loud but i was talking to myself he was highly rude and loud now my 2 month old up crying and now he passes out as i´m trying to get her to stop crying he wakes up and look at me and her as we in the rocking chair and says ´´SHUT THAT LIL BITCH UP´´ and i responded back and said ´´MY BABY not NO BITCH AND YOU THE REASON SHE UP NOW¨¨ he responded back by saying the same thing so i said the same thing back as well then next thing i know i closed my eyes they were shut so tight all i could hear was a big boom and my two month old screaming when i opened my eyes all i could see was plate glass all in her hair blanket on her face and body and the same with me i broke down crying he kicked us out in the cold rain for about 30 minutes the next day came he comes in the room sees me holding my 2 month old with my 2 year old standing close by and i was on the phone and he heard me begging for some type of family help to leave from him asap i was crying he told me to get off the phone and when i didn't he throw his cellphone at me his cell phone hit my hand and broke my finger smh he put us in his car he pulled my hair all the way from our little city to the next little city while i´m in the backseat with both my babies holding them crying and that ride was almost a 30 minute ride now my scalp was bleeding and all sadly when we got back to his house i watched him sleep thinking about taking his life for all them years of beatings and cheating crying so bad and then i looked at my babies and said GOD blessed me for a reason and hes not worth leaving them because i´m all they got and want nobody treat them like i do i didn't go to sleep that night the next day he left to go out of town for work and i packed all of our stuff up and left he quit his job that same day and came where we was asking me to come back home and be with him but i was beyond tired now and over it so i said no he said ok you know what BITCH i´m tired of you and all i heard was his gun cock back and he turned around with it in his hand and all i did was fall into the front door of my grandma house on top of both my babies scared out of my mind crying laying on top of my two babies luckily my elderly cousin was there so he didn't shot the gun he said he got something for me and took off i called the law he went to jail he got out and the next day he was already with another woman everyone asked me how he moved on so fast after a day and i told them she was with him as long as i was even while i was living with him like i said before he was cheating and i was getting the beatings but me moving out him moving on didn't stop him from coming and putting his hands on me with his famous line you my baby mama i can do this and that smh never knew how to take him and at this point he would come kick in the door run over my babies bikes and all then call the police on his self and wait for them to come smh crazy right his woman he was with got mad at him and called the Social Services with a bunch of lies and the crazy part about it she called SS because the night before he wouldn't have sex with her childish right but she thought he didn't want to have sex with her because he was cheating with someone else or me baby girl not this one i was THANKING GOD i wasn't the one getting beatings every other day in front of my babies didn't even wish that on her but she texted him and said she was gone hurt him and me by getting our kids taken when i wasn't bothering them she was very close reaching that devilish goal especially with the lies that came out of her mouth but THANK GOD she was a highly sloppy sneaky person because when he showed the text of her saying that´s how she was gone hurt me and him by getting our kids taken SS dropped the case she went to jail too and they broke up for a week then he came back wanting my kids to go with her somewhere i said no he slapped me but that slapped didn't make me change my mind and when i told him its either my kids spending time with him without her because she just tried to have them taken he gone say to me and my kids goodbye he pick her so i said to hell with him he missing out on them growing up but he didn't care he made that clear and i was tired of being the nice person and at least let him try to be a dad he wasn't paying child support and he would see them every blue moon one day we had no food i called him and asked him to bring them a 1 dollar burger a piece he asked me do he look like a damn soup kitchen i said no you would look like a father smh i was working at a fast food place he came to the job bothering me being funny posting on Facebook him and his woman clowning me about where i was working but as a MOTHER a job is a job smh 2019-2020 me and my babies was homeless going house to house very unwelcome and unwanted getting talked about and trashed even slept in a car no help no support so called family talking down about us 3 among each other behind my back then they end up having a falling out and then start telling what each other said about me and my kids in front of me and my babies that shit was very hurtful all i did was cry only for my two babies to say don´t cry we went to stay with my dad my blood dad it only last two days because i woke up to him touching me sexually saying he feel like i´m hurt and unhappy  and he would do whatever it takes to make me happy again and i told him as long as i have them to amazing kids ill always be happy i felt hurt by him doing me like that it messed me up it had me thinking have he did me like this when i was a baby a little girl because why would he try me while i´m a grown ass woman a mother of 2 i covered both my kids body parts mad as hell feeling like he would try them if he just tried me and it was 4 am i texted my sister and told her hurry up and pick us up because i was gone take his life yes my dad i was gone kill him for doing that dirty mess to me my clothes was still on and stuff he was rubbing between my legs on top of my pants while the 3 of us was sleep and i woke up even then he tried to say he was trying to hug me sadly and nasty at 6 am we was gone back to been homeless smh my kids dad making 23 an hour living his best life with his woman without a care in the world about his kids well being i´m their the full time mother and father and i always enjoy it then one day my kids dad called and was trashing me i was crying my baby got on the phone and said  you not gone keep talking to my mom like that at the age of 5 i didn't tell him to say it and it shocked me and a few minutes later my grandma came in the house and said your kids dad outside my son started crying my grandma was like let him just talk to him i´m gone be right out there with him so they walks outside my kids dad made it to his car with my son before my grandma could even get off the porch next thing i know i could hear the horn blowing and my grandma being loud i ran outside he had locked my son in the car with him and was hitting my baby in the head with his hand and my son head was hitting the horn all because my baby said don´t talk to his mom like that smh so i called the law and ran outside with a knife ready for war not my son he let my crying baby out the car and took off he told my grandma that he would spit and hit her in the face like he did me so my grandma wanted us to leave she said she was to old for all that and i couldn't blame her but i was beyond hurt we had no where else to go the safe space ended up blessing us with the help of getting our own place thank GOD and i was working doing PCA Nursing everything going good and that so called mother of mines was working at the same job i had to work on Thanksgiving Christmas and all and it was suppose to be special because it was our first Christmas in our own house but we needed the money the 3 of us then one day that so called mother wanted me to work with her after i had just got done doing a 20 hr swift so she could spend time with that same husband who didn't like her kids who didn't want her to let me and my babies stay with her so we wouldn't be homeless when he lives else where but still control her and her house too the same husband she put before us when i said NO she fired me then called the boss a close friend of hers and told her i was fired and the boss went with it when the 89 year patient said i was the best worker she ever had i treated her like a queen i did her feet and all did things i didn't have to do i treated her like she was my great grandma i  did everything how she loved it and wanted it trying to make her last years her best years i cried like a baby because i loved my patient so much i needed her like she needed me she was hurt and she still hurt now about it so next thing i know our power goes off the end of January 2021 when i called SS to get help paying it they said they can only help once a year and they had made a payment for me already i was lost and shocked come to find out a family member i trusted used my info and me and my kids names to get her light bill paid smh so they wouldn't help us and by me telling them that a family member used my info and i wanted to have them do something about it that family member was upset and called SS made some hurtful reports so my kids had to stay else where since the power was off and i wasn't no longer working so they was at my so called mother house who i wasn't dealing with because i put her in her place about how she treated us coming up and stuff smh she made everything worst for me i mean very worst now February comes lights still off and now we getting evicted as well so now its more then temporary since the eviction and SS don´t want my kids to be homeless again and neither did i they my everything but its a thing called karma my so called mom did me so wrong and i´ve begged and begged so many people to help us but nothing at all no type of help and support but that so called mom of mines got evicted and got into Friday and i found out yesterday that she was evicted and that my kids were crying because they have to move with their dad its killing me to see them hurt if i can get our rent paid and lights on then us 3 can be together or find somewhere to stay we can be together but i have nobody at all just us 3 its killing me that they hurting we always been together i´ve been the mother and father giving them everything i´ve always went without making sure they have i don´t care if i only had one outfit they will forever have plenty of everything i don´t have to eat as long as they full if i could i would give them the world with everyone still on it i need my babies just like they need me i´m their better half and they my better half they give me life they make my life beyond better since day one i cant live without them nor be without them to see my babies crying not being with me and having to go somewhere they don´t want be there never have never will and he even told the social services he don´t want them that hurts but he don´t have to want them i do and always have wanted them and always will if i had the right family and support and help things would be better but i have nobody but them they have nobody but me and i have nobody but them and GOD i´m dying in the inside and GOD knows that if they not with me i don´t wanna be here people will never know the pain i´m going through their dad toke them on his taxes and all he didn't offer us the right help didn't care at all about helping PERIOD my kids are down and out without me scared crying everyday and i´m not eating nor sleeping before i let them suffer and be hurt ill battle my life away for their happiness i´m their mother and father and i got into FRIDAY before my kids go with where they don´t want to be and where he don´t want them to be i´ve email so many people begging for help with some many tears in my eyes with a broken soul about to get a new job next week but i need help now and as i begged for help i gave them my landlord number i don´t need to touch any money or anything i just need a helping hand for us somebody anybody please please ill do anything GOD knows that i cant take it all we need is help and hope i´m breaking down into pieces without my babies everybody know how much i love my babies they my best friends and all we super close just like its hurting me its hurting them and ain´t nobody trying to help us and i thought their would be more people like me when i was working i was buying food for homeless giving them money and all that´s my type of heart and my babies ill give my last to anybody let people live with us now they got their own place and didn't offer me and my babies a place to stay not even one night before they was taken temporarily smh its killing me i need help ASAP PLEASEEEEEE ain´t nobody perfect but i´m perfect for my kids just like they are beyond perfect for me please somebody help us Thank You
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edelvonhresvelg · 4 years
Text
( spoilers for the VW/SS routes (mild, but better safe than sorry) and inspired by Blake Crouch's Recursion -- would recommend. )
— — — — — — — — — —
The blinding pain came suddenly behind Edelgardʼs eyes, causing her to gasp and raise both hands to her head, fingers digging in helplessly as her eyes screwed up. It was a futile attempt against the pain, which felt like a blade being driven through her skull.
Through the pain came colourless flashes of her life at the academy. Another gasp -- sheʼd heard of this happening, oneʼs life flashing before their eyes in the moments before death.
Except...they werenʼt her memories. Or they were, but they were all wrong -- they werenʼt as she should have remembered them. But still they came, flooding her mind, taking her beyond the academy, through the war -- to the throne room...
“El?” Byleth was at the emperorʼs side in an instant, concern evident in her voice.
Byleth. Her dearest friend. Her closest ally. Her partner.
Her enemy. Her killer.
Edelgardʼs eyes were open again -- widened in fear and confusion -- yet she didnʼt see a single thing in front of her. The memories had stuck, and were impossible to ignore.
She knelt in the throne room, defeated. Byleth stood opposite her, sword in hand. It was over. She knew it. The only way it could all end was with her death, and her teacher would be the one to end it. She would accept nothing else, but as the blade was lifted above her head, she managed her confession -- “I wanted to walk with you...”
Edelgard could remember it all. Yet the memories were colourless and devoid of life -- they were dead, but they were real, and they were hers.
“El, speak to me.” Bylethʼs voice had taken on a tone of desperation, a hand on the emperorʼs shoulder giving a gentle shake. "Whatʼs wrong?”
“How... How can I remember...” Edelgardʼs voice was broken, her eyes still staring blankly ahead. It didn’t make sense. None of it did.
“What do you remember?”
Finally, Edelgard dropped her hands and looked up -- and the look on her face was like a dagger through Bylethʼs heart. Not since it had started beating had she felt such inner pain. Elʼs eyes wide with fright and uncertainty -- even when looking at her -- and brimming with tears.
For Edelgard, her words failed her, and she could only numbly repeat the words etched in her mind: “I wanted...to walk with you...”
The colour drained from Bylethʼs face as her heart skipped a beat, legs weakening as she dropped to kneel beside the chair on which Edelgard sat -- arm still raised and hand resting on the emperorʼs shoulder, though now trembling.
Edelgard remembered. How could she remember? “El...” Byleth stammered, her own words now failing her. She still had nightmares sometimes, of that other timeline. She had never considered the possibility of Edelgard ever remembering it, too -- the thought was too inconceivable, too painful...
Bylethʼs gaze slipped to the side -- unable to bear the look in Edelgardʼs eyes -- and then she saw it; the date the emperor had written on the parchment in front of her.
It was the twenty-ninth day of the Garland Moon.
The day they had marched to Enbarr, when Byleth fought her way through the Imperial Palace, when she had killed Edelgard at the emperorʼs own wish -- all in the last timeline.
The timeline that, until that very moment, Byleth believed she was the only one cursed to remember.
It seemed their current timeline had finally caught up.
“El, Iʼm so sorry...” Byleth looked back at the emperor -- Edelgardʼs gaze having softened a little, but the hurt remaining. Byleth reached with both of her hands to find Edelgardʼs, and held them tight. “I don't know how you remember, I... I never thought that--”
“It was real...?” Edelgard stammered, then swallowed, her gaze searching Byleth’s for answers. Her voice was a weak whisper. “I remember, but...itʼs all grey, like the memories are...like theyʼre dead. But theyʼre real, aren’t they?”
Byleth nodded. “Theyʼre real. I...lived it. I promise Iʼll explain everything, I...” A shaky sigh. How was she ever going to explain it? She couldn’t -- at least, not when Edelgard had shed a tear, and her own eyes were brimming.
“Right now, I need you to know what I couldnʼt tell you then...” She squeezed Edelgardʼs hands a little tighter in her own, and met the emperorʼs gaze -- despite how much it continued to hurt her, the look in those lilac eyes and the knowledge of what Edelgard now remembered. “I wanted to walk with you, too. Thatʼs why I did this time. I still donʼt know how or why I was given this second chance, but...I knew what to do this time, and what I’ll do every other time if I need to.”
Goddess -- how Byleth hoped that she wouldn’t have to live through it all again. Walking with Edelgard, winning the war, seeing through the aftermath as partners -- everything was as it should be this time. Byleth could feel it, and she didn’t want to lose any of it.
Edelgard had freed one if her hands, and reached out to cup Byleth’s cheek. Byleth could only stare up; out of thoughts, out of words.
“I love you, Byleth.” Edelgardʼs voice had regained some strength, but still she spoke quietly, another tear falling as she blinked. “Having you walk by my side is all that matters. Even if we have to do it over again. Iʼll live this life a thousand times with you if we have to.”
Byleth lifted her hand and rested it on Edelgardʼs, still against her cheek. “I love you, Edelgard. If you remember anything, please remember that.”
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makiema · 5 years
Note
Hello! What makes you ship Levi and Eren? (always curious about how people get into ereri)
Hi there, anon! I wish I could’ve answered this briefly but you’ve asked me something that I could honestly ramble on about forever. I’d try to be precise but I’m afraid it’d still be quite long because I don’t have the time to summarise, so bear withe me please >.
Okay so first of all, I used to be more into Eremika than Ereri in the beginning and the precious Eremika moment from Chapter 50 owned my heart. Back then the 13 y/o me didn’t get shit about Levi and Eren’s platonic canon relationship. But the popularity of Ereri was overwhelming and even though they were far from being my OTP I still shipped them in AU settings mainly because the fanfics were excellent. Also, at that point of time, I was more invested in the Naruto fandom and SS was my only OTP. In fact, I didn’t even know about the Visual Novel until late 2015 or early 2016 (I don’t remember exactly) which made me really get into Ereri. Reading the VN actually changed my whole perspective on Ereri and made me realise the depth of their canon relationship. When I re-read the manga again after that none of their subtle moments were lost on me and that’s how the ship started growing on me. Since then I even began picking up on a lot of parallels, symbolisms, etc. associated with them and all of that collectively went into becoming the reason why Ereri is my OTP.
I probably cannot think up of everything that makes me ship them at one go. Also I have my internals next week and Im losing my mind. Anyway here are some of the reasons that immediately came to mind when I saw your ask:
• Levi equating Eren to “The Tyger” : The VN concluded with the first two stanzas of Blake’s poem “The Tyger”. The poem is taken from The Songs of Innocence and Experience and the entire volume focuses on two things : the transition from childhood into adulthood and the existence of both beneficial and malevolent forces in human beings. So in the novel, Levi’s understanding, acceptance and even admiration of both the humane and the monstrous potential in Eren is commendable : “A monster with perfect, fearsome beauty; that inspires awe” Also, Levi acknowledges Eren’s will that “cannot be made to surrender” and his drive for freedom that “people living like birds in cages won’t get”. This shows us how Levi realizes that Eren’s mental maturity is not that of a normal 15 yo; that his “experiences” have made him into someone much more gritty, resilient and strong-willed for his age. “The Tyger” here is the agent of free-will and the poem further emphasises on free spirit by incorporating references to mythological figures who’re deemed as humanity’s heroes, for instance, “seize the fire” refers to Prometheus who is mankind’s hero because he stole fire from Zeus. It is said that because of him mankind could gain knowledge ; that mankind could step out of the bounds of ignorance ( See the parallel with Eren who said how ignorance is the biggest obstacle to freedom in Chapter 112 ). Another hero alluded to in the poem is Icarus who grew his wings of freedom and attempted to reach the farthest point (dangerously close to the sun) even though he was burned in the attempt (parallels with Eren’s whole attitude of ‘no matter what kind of hell awaits me I’ll keep moving forward’ ). Yeah so, that’s how deep Levi’s understanding of Eren runs.( Can you imagine the entire arc of Eren’s character was foreshadowed in Levi’s thoughts about him?) To me understanding is the most important factor when it comes to a ship so, I think Levi’s pov in the VN is the biggest contributor to their development.
• The way Eren looks at Levi : Idk how cliched this sounds but yes, the way he looks at Levi honestly gives me life. Be it in the Forest of the Giant Trees, or in the Reiss Chapel or in the Marley Arc, his eyes say it all. Add to this his signature shaky way of saing “Captain?”, idk if it’s only me but that just carries so much feeling, so much angst, so many unspoken emotions right there. If Levi’s thoughts on Eren made me fall in love with Ereri in the first place then Eren’s body language when it comes to Levi made me fuckin smitten over them (i kid u not honestly this ship is one of the very few things that actually give me the will to live)
• Hope and Strength : Honestly, I love Levi and Eren’s roles as humanity’s strength and humanity’s hope because this actually speaks volumes about their relationship. If Erwin gave Levi’s strength a dimension then Eren gave his strength meaning. Their roles in canon show their inter-dependence. After all, what is strength without hope? I don’t remember who first pointed this out, but someone said that this is the very concept the Survey Corps logo alludes to. The Wings of Freedom are shown as blue and white because royal blue represents strength and white represents hope. So the Wings are symbolical of what Levi and Eren individually stand for as well as signifies their dependence on each other.
• Levi’s role as Eren’s guardian : I love him both as Eren’s protector and his mentor. (oh also let’s not forget Eren had a little crush on him,,how adorable 🥺)
We’ve seen Levi giving it his all to protect Eren multiple times. And when he couldn’t protect him during the Battle of Trost because of his injury we see him clenching his fists in frustration. Again, in RTS we see Levi quite baffled when Erwin orders him to protect the horses and not protect Eren. Also in the RTS when Eren got flung on top of the wall, Levi was visibly concerned and then when Erwin couldnt come up with a plan that’d guarantee their survival, he quickly suggested that BOTH Erwin and Eren flit from there. This goes on to show how Levi thinks Erwin and Eren are EQUALLY important for ensuring humanity’s survival. It is evident from here that his liege and his mentee both belong on the same pedestal and he’d do anything to save them. Levi similarly comes up with an abrupt suggestion again in Ch 112 to save Eren when the Soldiers informed him that the higher authorities plan on having Eren eaten. Even though he clearly disapproved of Eren’s actions in Liberio, even though Levi himself always adhered to rules and discipline, he still had faith in Eren and he’d never accept such a ridiculous order, even if it came from Pixis. (plus he remembers the first time he met Eren which sort of makes us realize that Levi still sees himself as Eren’s protector🥺)
Next comes Levi’s role as a mentor in Eren’s life. I think his words of advice to Eren is an important factor that made him the man he is today. Levi encouraged him to believe in himself, he acknowledged his willpower, appreciated his relentless drive for freedom and even goaded him on to make important choices by himself. The recent happenings in the manga made a lot of people say that Eren follows the principle of “the end justifies the means” but originally, to quote Levi: “nobody can dictate you on what is the right path or what is the wrong one till you arrive at a certain outcome resulting from your choice”. I think one of the major reasons why Levi kicked Eren in the Marley arc again was because the outcome that Eren caused (at least according to Levi and the SC) was making Paradis the enemy of the whole enemy of the world and also a mountain of civilian deaths. This is just head canon but I think Levi was mainly disappointed because Eren didn’t seek his approval (unlike in the Reiss Chapel incident where he urged Levi to have faith in him before jumping into action of his own volition). Him comparing Eren with the underground thugs also makes me assume that he was genuinely hurt because he thought Eren has become complacent to the point where he doesn’t see Levi as a mentor anymore. But, right after his voice trails with the “you too..”, we see Eren looking up at him with the same beaming eyes. Curious why he’d do that at that instant. Also, during Serum Bowl, Eren used his height as the trump card to tower upon Levi. It was the only time he actually defied Levi and he did manage to look 100 percent domineering. But, post time skip Eren grew in leaps and bounds and he could easily repeat that but HE DID NOT. In fact, he utters his usual “Captain..?” and his eyes also have the same look. So maybe he still sees Levi as his inspiration but he cannot express that because he’s in a bind and has to act distant and cold with everyone. After all in Chapter 121, in the memory panel, we did see him recalling that very moment when Levi first advised him on making independent choices. His role as the mentor in Eren’s life is therefore once again reinforced by Isayama and I think that adds substantially to their wonderful platonic dynamic.                                        ____________xxx___________
I probably couldn’t fit them all and even this is a terrible briefing. It is all so disarrayed and incoherent. I didn’t even get the time to attach pictures. Ugh, I’m so sorry anon ;-; I wish Uni would spare me some time to rant properly about my precious babies >.
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nearlyso · 5 years
Text
Luffy's Wish
On some island, somewhere in the New World, at some point in time...
"Hey, Zoro, how'd you make that thing glow!?"
Zoro held the orb at arms length, tilting it skeptically as it warmed his hand. Luffy was bouncing on the balls of his feet, trying to get a better look at the mysterious glass ball.
"I didn't, I just picked it up," Zoro frowned, tossing the ball to Luffy.
Luffy caught it easily, but was disappointed to see that the orb lost its warm red glow the moment it left Zoro's hand.
He tried holding it out the way Zoro had done, but to his disappointment nothing changed.
"Oi! What the hell are you doing!?" Zoro yelped in surprise, gaining the attention of their fellow patrons and the shop owner.
Luffy, to Zoro's dismay, was testing out the orb by pressing it against every part of exposed skin on Zoro's body. The swordsman had quite enough of this game by the time Luffy rested it flat on the tip of his nose and erupted into a fit of giggles.
"Shishishi! Zoro, you look just like Buggy!"
"Like hell I do!" Zoro growled, snatching the orb back from Luffy's clutches.
"If you break that thing and we get chased off this island Nami's going to increase my debt tenfold, so put it back where you found it and let's head back."
Luffy was ready to protest heading back to the ship so soon when someone suddenly came between himself and Zoro.
A middle aged woman was gaping at the glowing orb in Zoro's hand. She snatched it from him, and then quickly handed it back, gasping when its glow instantly returned.
"I never thought I'd see this happen twice in my lifetime!" the woman exclaimed, grabbing onto Zoro's wrist excitedly.
"You must buy this orb! It's glowing for you, it will grant you any wish you ask for!"
"A wish!?" Luffy exclaimed, but Zoro was already glaring at the shop owner and pushing the orb back into her hands.
"Listen lady, this guy may not look too bright" Zoro started, giving Luffy's head a gentle bop, "but I wasn't born yesterday. I know what you're up to."
The shop owner shook her head vigorously, "You don't understand, it's very rare for the orb to react. For whatever reason, it's chosen you! You must take it!" She pushed it back into his hands.
"So I buy the orb and make a stupid wish. Nothing happens, so you tell me it might take a while. We leave with this worthless thing and you put out a new one for the next sucker who walks through that door. That's how it works, right?"
The shopkeeper looked torn between being offended and excited. She looked between the orb and Zoro and seemed to make up her mind.
"Take the orb as a gift! Then, when your wish comes true, all I ask is that you return the orb to me."
"And some of whatever I wish for, right?"
" I wouldn't refuse a donation, of course!"
Zoro was about to shove the orb back into the woman's hands and walk out when he felt a tug on his sleeve. Luffy was looking up at him with that look.
Zoro sighed.
Zoro held the orb out for Chopper and Robin to see. The four were back from their respective trips into town and stood on Sunny's deck.
"A wish!? That's so cool, Zoro! What are you going to wish for?"
"Perhaps you should wish for your sight back?" Robin suggested, "If you lose your other eye, you'll be completely blind."
"Ahh! Robin's right! That's a good wish." Chopper agreed.
"Although, in many tales involving wishing on an object, the wisher's words are twisted. You may end up with three eyes. Or, perhaps you will turn into one giant eyeball."
Zoro ignored Chopper's horrified cry and looked to Luffy.
"I won't lose another eye."
"Mm, I know. Zoro..."
Chopper, Robin, and Zoro stiffened at Luffy's sudden change in tone. He was standing, arms crossed, with the serious look he usually reserved for enemies.
"This isn't an order, so you're free to refuse, but-"
Zoro smirked, flapping a hand in a say no more manner.
"Yeah, yeah, I get it. But don't be disappointed when nothing happens."
"It's going to work."
"Only one way to find out."
Zoro looked down at the orb and thought his wish, just as the shopkeeper had instructed. The orb glowed brighter, then died out completely.
An hour later...
"You actually made it back before us? Wait, where's Luffy?" Nami asked, looking around the ship. She was part impressed, part suspicious, because nothing ever went this smoothly for her when it came to those two, and she refused to believe this time was any different.
"Watching the sky," Zoro yawned, nodding his head to Sunny's figurehead. Sure enough, there was their captain, sitting more attentively than Nami would have ever believed possible.
Curiosity got the better of her, and against her better judgement, Nami approached the figurehead.
"Luffy? What are you looking for?"
"Oh, Nami, you're back! Hey, what's the weather going to be like today? Anything weird?"
Nami looked at the sky in confusion. The day was clear and she didn't sense any changes that might indicate an approaching storm.
"Weird? What makes you-"
Nami was interrupted by the sound of something wet and heavy smacking down on the deck.
Soon, the sound surrounded her, and it wasn't long before one of those wet, heavy things made contact with her arm.
She shrieked, running for cover as more of the disgusting objects poured down from the sky.
Safely under cover, Nami looked on in disbelief as her captain ran around the deck in absolute delight, gobbling up as much...meat? Was that...was that MEAT falling from the sky!?
"That was very kind of you, Zoro."
Nami jumped at Robin's voice. She was surprised to see most of the crew standing beside her. In her panic, she'd never even realized that it was a giant hand she had taken shelter under.
"It's not like I thought it'd really work." Zoro admitted, rubbing the back of his head.
"Oooooi, you guys! There's plenty, come on! Ooooiii!" Luffy hopped up and down, waving a piece of meat in each hand. He expertly caught a steak in his mouth and swallowed it whole.
"Where...where is it coming from? What the hell is going on!?" Nami demanded, looking at Zoro.
"It's raining," he shrugged, bending down to grab an empty pack from the previous shopping trip.
"Raining? Hey! Where do you think you're going?" Nami cried, close to pulling her hair out in sheer frustration.
"I owe a lady some meat." He explained, as though that made the situation any clearer. He held out the bag and caught a mix of what looked like sirloins, mutton, and poultry.
By now, the meat was ankle deep.
"Oh! Zoro-san, I will accompany you! As much as I enjoy watching Luffy-san have his dream come true, I don't think I can stomach any of it myself! Oh! Even though I don't have a stomach!"
Brook's laughter followed the duo off the deck and into the town.
"Hey! Zoro! Brook! Get back here!"
Nami looked on helplessly, feeling less and less in control of...well, anything, by the minute.
"Don't you think we should stop Luffy-bro? If he keeps it up, he not going to fit through the doors." Franky asked, looking on in concern for the damage hailing pork loins could do to his ship.
"We probably should. After all, I may be mistaken, but I don't believe our swordsman was specific enough with his wish."
"Huh?" Usopp asked, shaking himself out of the shock of seeing what could very well be one of his tales come to pass, "what do you mean, Robin?"
"Look closely, I believe that meat is-"
Before she could finish her thought, Sanji (who had been forgotten in the kitchen in the midst of the fiasco) dashed past the group of them and into the rain of falling meat.
"LUFFY, YOU IDIOT! PUT THAT MUTTON DOWN BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS!"
Luffy noticed Sanji on his way to ruin his dream meal and was already on the move, eating and running at the same time.
"IT'S RAW, YOU IDIOT! LET ME COOK IT FIRST!"
"Nnnn weeeeeah! 'Ss fynn!"
"LIKE HELL IT'S FINE!"
"Raw! Ah! Luffy, stop! You're gonna get worms!"Chopper exclaimed, racing after them.
"Wa...wait! Chopper, wait! There's venison! You're stepping in venison!" Usopp screamed, rushing out after him.
Nami, Robin, and Franky watched as their captain, cook, doctor, and sniper romped through the food filled deck.
"Franky?" Nami asked.
"Huh? Yeah Nami-sis?"
"How big is the new freezer?"
Meanwhile...
"Zoro-San? I may be mistaken, however, I'm pretty certain we've come this way a few times already. Are you sure you remember where the shop is?"
"Like I said, it's not far from here. It's just up ahead."
"Zoro-San?"
"What!?"
"Your meat bag is leaking."
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hughshannon1994 · 4 years
Text
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princeyandanxiety · 7 years
Text
The Ones We Choose
Wooot finally I can close this fic up! Part 3, the final part, to “I’d Hate Me, Too”!
Part 1  Part 2
Tagging: @andy-the-anon @angstymelon @tahneetalks @prinxiety-logicality-ss @taki-random @shystarlightchild @mira-jadeamethyst @anxietyandlogic @starlight-sanders @just-a-random-word @dan-yuna @obviouslyelementary @whatevermate1234 @ace-anxiety-sanders @velocifoxy @mylasagnaisraw
Summary: Anxiety’s in deep.
It had started quietly enough. A teasing comment here, a witty reply there. The occasional lingering touches and glances. At first, it was easy to pass off. They were friends (however shaky they had started), Roman was affectionate, and Anxiety needed more affection than he tended to let on.
 It hadn’t taken long for Anxiety to fall hard. He soon realised that he was in the middle of it before he had even begun.
 He half blamed the fact that they often went stargazing together. Quiet words under a quiet sky. Tales from millennia ago, facts and recent discoveries, passing thoughts, all shared between the two of them. Silence, too, when Anxiety’s  mind worked far too fast and hard for him to comprehend anything more than the light-dotted void above him. Those were the times when their fingers intertwined, focusing Anxiety on the present, the warmth of Roman’s hand, the way that their hands fit together perfectly.
 “Anxiety, do you believe in love?” The air was warm, as it usually was in Roman’s dreamscape. Anxiety kept his eyes on the sky, not wanting to make eye contact and give away anything.
 “Of course I believe in love. What do you think friendship is?” Anxiety deadpanned.
 Roman let out an exasperated sigh, and Anxiety knew that he was rolling his eyes. “That isn’t what I meant, and you know it.” There was a poke to his ribs, and Anxiety let out something akin to a growl. “Did you really ju-”
 “Yes, And yes, I believe in that dumb, feeling-sy, true love bullshit. Most of the time I wish I didn’t but unfortunately I am still a part of Thomas. Which means that I do, in fact, share parts of his personality.” Anxiety finally worked up the courage to look over at Roman, trusting his face to not go too red. “Why do you ask?”
 “You’ve just… never mentioned being in love with someone.”
 Anxiety looked back up at the sky, finding a strange comfort in the never ending dark. For all he talked about the inescapable void, he found it comforting, at times. Those times mostly being when Princey was by his side. “It’s just never been reciprocated. That’s all.”
 Roman shifted, and went suspiciously quiet. Anxiety was, admittedly, surprised at his reaction. No cries of sympathy? No monologues about how wonderful reciprocated love was? Anxiety wondered if Roman had realised how uncomfortable the topic was. “So you’ve been in love before?” The question was a soft whisper, only just audible in the quiet night.
 “You sound surprised.” Anxiety snorted quietly.
 Roman hummed in reply, neither a confirmation nor a denial. “You can be quite secretive, sometimes, Anxiety.” He murmured, and simply left it at that.
 And so it continued. In the mornings, Roman wordlessly made two cups of coffee. In videos, the bickering continued, but all maliciousness had disappeared, and only a gentle teasing tone was left in his voice. They watched Disney movies until dawn, curled up around each other and wrapped in blankets. They danced around each other, toeing between friends and something more, something precious, something Anxiety yearned for.
 “You seem distracted,” Logan commented one day, watching Anxiety as he tried to work on a plan. “Something on your mind?”
 “That’s a dumb question, and you know it.” Anxiety snorted.
 Logan smiled calmly. “Let me rephrase that. Someone on your mind?” The silence that fell was the only answer the both of them needed, and Anxiety felt his face growing hotter. “As I thought. Have you talked to him about it?”
 “What do you think?” Anxiety mumbled, running his hands over his face. “It’s Roman we’re talking about. Like he’d ever consider dating me, friends or not.” He sighed, shoulders slumping. “He’s like the sun, and I’m just a crappy little comet that happens to be caught in his orbit for a while.”
 Logan leaned back in his chair, tilting his head at Anxiety. “I don’t think it’s anything like that.” He said slowly.
 “Roman isn’t exactly shy when it comes to talking about his feelings. Especially romantic ones.” Anxiety deadpanned, giving Logan an exasperated look. “Look, I get that you’re trying to make me feel better about the whole thing, and I appreciate it, but I can deal. It isn’t the first time I’ve had an unattainable crush.”
 “If you’re sure.”
 “I am, Lo. Thanks though.” Not for the first time, Anxiety was glad that it was Logan he was close with, and not Patton. He had a feeling that the logical trait was just as relieved as he was about dropping the topic.
 They fell quiet again, and that was that.
 Of course, the universe didn’t like Anxiety that much. In fact, the universe just loved to make Anxiety miserable.
 “I’m in love.” Another night under the stars, another night of drifting thoughts and lazy words, another night spent so, so close to Roman and yet so far away. The words were soft, almost an afterthought.
 Anxiety tried to ignore the way his heart twisted painfully in his chest. “What makes you say that?”
 “I can’t get them out of my mind. All of my daydreams have them there in some way.” Roman sighed, but it was delicate, tinged with a fondness that Anxiety had never heard before. “I can’t stop wondering what it would be like to kiss them. Honestly, it’s driving me crazy.”
 “Is that why Thomas has been so distracted with romantic ideas?” The answering groan was enough for Anxiety. He should have known. He was responsible for the lessened worry and stress, but he had wondered why Thomas was in such a romantic mood. “I guess that explains that, then.”
 “Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you’ve been leaving Thomas alone, recently.” Roman shot back, poking Anxiety’s side. A small shiver ran down his spine. “What’s been going on with you, Gloom and Doom? Are you losing your touch?”
 “Nothing like that, Princey. I’ve just been preoccupied with my own problems to get on Thomas’ case about his.”
 “Is it something that you would like to talk about?” Anxiety grunted a negative reply. “That bad, huh?” He felt Roman shift closer, their arms brushing together. This time he couldn’t hold back his shiver.
 “It’d never work out, anyway.” Anxiety mumbled. “He’s… I could never make him happy.”
 “Is it Logan?”
 That made Anxiety sit up and glare. “I will punch you.”
 “I just thought, since you spend the most time with him…”
 “Roman, I spend most of my time with you these days.”
 “I don’t count.”
 “You don- Did you hit your head?” Anxiety reached for the fluffy mass that was Roman’s hair, his fingers searching for any abnormal bumps. Roman didn’t put up a fight as Anxiety gently poked at his scalp, letting out a quiet breath instead and closing his eyes. “Don’t go falling asleep on me, Princey.” He carefully untangled his fingers from Roman’s hair.
 His eyes snapped open at that, a pout immediately gracing his lips. “I’m not going to fall asleep. You’re the one who always goes first.” That fond look was back on his face, and Anxiety’s heart skipped a beat, his chest feeling a little tighter, cheeks a little warmer. A small smile spread across Roman’s face as Anxiety began to play with his hair once more. “Hey, Anx?”
 “What is it, Roman?”
 “Have I ever shown you the gardens around my castle?” At Anxiety’s confused expression, he continued, “Because I’ve searched, and I haven’t found a single flower as lovely as you.”
 Anxiety couldn’t breathe, staring down at Roman, hand frozen in his hair. Roman stared back, his smile slipping ever so slightly. “I-I… what?” Anxiety’s voice shook, and he pulled away from Roman. “Don’t you… I thought…”
 Roman nodded, but reached for Anxiety, gently cupping his face in his hands. “It’s you.” He whispered, thumbs brushing over his cheeks. “I love you.”
 Roman’s voice shook, just slightly, matching his trembling fingers and paired with a piercing gaze that was so, so scared. More scared than Anxiety had even seen him before. And so, with relief pouring into every muscle, he pulled Roman closer, joining their lips together.
 When they finally parted, panting and pink, Anxiety swore that Roman’s grin couldn’t get any brighter.
 He proved himself wrong when he finally whispered, “I love you too”
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thorne93 · 7 years
Text
Homesick (Part 3)
Prompt: The reader has amnesia and meets a nice man in the park…but can’t shake the feeling like she’s missing something from her past.
Word Count: 2507
Warnings: language, amnesia, nightmares (maybe), this is going to be fluff/angst the entire time
Notes: Beta’d by the fabulous @like-a-bag-of-potatoes, hope you all like it as much as I did! Thank you all so much for being so excited for this story, I hope I don’t let you down! Feel free to asks for tagging at any point in this series.
Tags: @girl-next-door-writes @katalina-from-hellbound @diana-daydreamer @buckybarnesisalittleshit ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Faces were in your face, shouting, a burning, electric sensation through your body and you were jolted awake with a scream. The nightmares were getting more vivid now and you weren’t sure why. Some faces were becoming more clear…and at one point you were being tortured, but why? What could you possibly know?
Running your hands through your sweat soaked hair, you texted Bucky. You weren’t sure why. Guilt gripped you for waking your friend but you were almost afraid to go back to sleep. Guilt also gripped you because you wondered if you should be with Steve’s friend in the middle of the night…
Brushing away the thought because you were too unnerved to care, you texted him, apologizing for the time, but wanted to see if he would want to go come by to keep you company.
He replied back almost instantly and said he’d love to.
You jumped in the shower so you wouldn’t be a grimy mess when he showed up. Just as you finished getting dressed and toweling your hair dry, you got another text stating he was here, but he asked you to join him downstairs. Confusion struck you, but you said you’d be right down. You ran downstairs and out into the coolish night, wrapping a hoodie around you as you saw a car parked on the side of the street. The window rolled down and he leaned across the seat and cheerfully said, “Get in!”
Without hesitation, you got in the car.
“Hope you don’t mind. I figured while we were up, we could drive around the city,” he said nonchalantly as you closed the door.
“No, I don’t mind. Especially not in this! This is a beautiful car!” you admired as you examined the leather seats of the SS Chevelle. You had no idea what kind of car it was, you were still getting used to simple logos. All you knew was this car made you happy.
“I’m glad you like it,” Bucky said as his metal hand gripped the wheel and he eased out onto the quiet street. Being next to Bucky sent this wave of calm over you, all the time. Something about his aura made you just want to fall asleep next to him. Trusting him felt like blinking, a natural response to him.
“Hey, I was wondering, Tuesday…the Romanian ballet is in town…Would you want to go?”
At first, you thought he was asking you out on a date, but surely you had to know better. This was Steve’s absolute best friend, he wouldn’t be asking his best friend’s girlfriend out on a date.
“It’s the last night before Steve gets back and I just thought it might be fun to get to know you a little better and who knows? Maybe you’ll like ballet. Has Steve taken you to one yet?”
“No,” you answered sheepishly.
“Do you know if you like it?”
“No…I’m not sure if I do.”
“Well if you don’t wanna, that’s fine too.”
After a moment, you whispered, “I’ll go. It’d be nice to see if I like it or not.”
“Great! I’ll get the tickets and pick you up around six.”
After a moment of quiet, the street and city lights filling in the car, he said, “So what was the nightmare?”
“How did you know I had a nightmare?”
He shrugged, his metal hand on the wheel as he stared straight ahead, “Let’s just say I know a thing or two about mixed memories and bad nightmares.”
“Oh…well, there were all these people in my face. I feel like…I don’t know if it’s a memory or if I just make it up but I have it all the time. There’s so much pain and I’m in so much fear…” you said, your voice shaking. “I’m sorry….”
“No, please, go on if it helps,” he urged.
“I just…I wish I knew who I was, you know?” you informed, a desperate tone taking on your voice.
“Oh, yeah, I get that. A handful of words and I’m back to being the mindless killing machine,” Bucky scoffed, so angry at himself.
You nodded, solemnly stating, “Steve’s told me about that. That has to be awful to not be in control of your own mind. Then again, neither am I. I don’t remember anything over a year ago.”
Bucky agreed, “Memory is definitely a tricky thing.” A soft, humorless laugh escaped his lips before he said, “You don’t know how many nightmares I’ve had about the shit that happened to me. The worst part is, I don’t know if some of it is a memory of things done to me or things I did to other people. My real life gets blurred so badly with the Winter Soldier’s life I don’t remember if I was killing a Nazi, or an innocent scientist or…Hell who any of my victims even are now.”
Sorrow filled your heart as you heard these words. For some reason unknown to you, it broke your heart and you had the strongest need to protect him. Your hand held his free hand and you both smiled.
“So what do you do to cope?” you wondered, hoping maybe he’d have some insight on how to get the bad dreams to stop.
“Writing my dreams down help. Steve fills in everything he can with everything he knows from Hydra files we’ve gathered and from our time back during the war…”
“Do you miss it?”
“The war?”
“No,” you retorted, shaking your head. “The 40’s?”
“Oh,” he breathed. “Sometimes. I miss the dances, the music, the way courting worked…I miss how simple life seemed to be. But the 21st century certainly has it’s perks too. Cell phones are handy, the internet is useful, as well as a waste of time…” He laughed. “Food is getting better. And the things women are allowed to wear now is great too,” he half-joked.
“Well if you ask me, I miss them. I know I wasn’t there for them, or at least I think I wasn’t, and they seemed like…simple, romantic times. When a girl wore a pretty dress and the guy came and swept her off her feet.” A small laugh bubbled out of your lips.
“Yeah, I miss that too…” Bucky waited a moment before continuing. “Just know that if you ever need anyone to talk to about your nightmares, I’m here. I know you have Steve, but…he might not understand what it’s like to question your own mind. For him, he fell asleep in the 40’s and woke up here. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a hard thing to go through. But he didn’t lose any time in his own life. You and me…We still have holes in our own life…so maybe, if you’d like, we could help each other figure them out.”
Smiling, you agreed, “I think I’d like that.”
Steve was great so far with all the amnesia stuff and nightmares but he didn’t really know what to do or how to relate, maybe having someone with such a similar background could help you to remember.
——————————-
You weren’t entirely sure what to wear to the ballet. You’d been to two Broadway shows in your time here and it didn’t seem like anyone dressed formally for them, but you wondered if the ballet was different. Your policy was to always be overdressed than underdressed, so you threw on a black simple strapless gown, pearls, painted your lips red and a quick swipe of black eyeliner and thick black mascara, and put your hair up in a sleek, curled hairdo.
Bucky came up to meet you and his breath was taken away.
“You look perfect,” he said as his jaw tensed again. He always did that with the same…heartbroken look in his eyes. You must remind him of someone he’s lost.
Thankfully, he was wearing a tux so you knew that if least you were over dressed he’d be there with you. You took the Chevelle to the show, parking a couple of blocks away. He got you great seats and you sat there, excited and anxious to see a ballet for what might be the first time.
The dancers came out, took their places, and the music began. It was halfway through the dance that suddenly….the words they were singing made perfect sense to you. How could this be? You woke up knowing English…How could you possibly know Romanian?
Turning to Bucky, you whispered, “Buck, I think I know this language. That’s bizarre, right?”
In Romanian, he responded, “Not at all. You could have been Romanian in your past life.”
Stunned, you simply sat back. Everything they were singing was clear to you. Bucky’s words to you just now made absolute sense. So…you were Romanian…or at least you’d live there long enough to obtain a good grasp on the language.
Nevertheless, you thoroughly enjoyed the ballet and would love to go back to another one.
Bucky walked you home, as he had to park a few blocks away from your apartment. The air was light and warm, the smells of food carts enticing, the nightlights enchanting your every step.
“I hope you had a good time,” Bucky offered as he strolled beside you.
“Are you kidding me? I found out I speak fluent Romanian! I’m thrilled! But now, I think I have more questions than answers. Was I Romanian? Were my parents? Did I grow up there? Did I live there for something important? Was I running from something and ended up there?” You couldn’t help it. It was another piece to this impossible puzzle.
Bucky grinned that award-winning smile at you as he delicately took your hand and twirled you out in front of him, you and he dancing as you walked.
“Maybe,” he started before another twirl, “you were a Romanian dancer, but you were having a mad affair with the royal prince. He sent you away, lest his bride find out!” Bucky’s story telling was wild and hilarious as you laughed in his arms while he continued to twirl you.
“Be serious!” you pleaded through laughs as your dress swished around you.
He stopped the dancing slowly and dropped your hand. “Alright, alright,” he started again. “I don’t know. Maybe you lived there…writing…with someone you loved, in secret.”
“That sounds romantic,” you mused, watching your heels along the sidewalk.
“It was,” he said so quietly, you couldn’t hear it.
“Well, here we are,” you said. “Thank you for tonight and all of the company you’ve kept me while Steve is away.”
“My pleasure,” he happily replied. Stepping closer, you kissed his cheek gently, then went inside to your apartment, all the while, Bucky using every fiber, every atom of his being to plant himself there and not go after you.
—————————————————–
Bucky did the favor of bringing you to the tower so you could see Steve when he got back.
“Steve!” you squealed running into his massive form as he grinned widely in response. He peppered you with kisses all over your face, hair, and mouth. “I missed you!”
“Oh I missed you too, dollface,” he breathed as he hugged you tight. Over your head he thanked Buck for watching out for you.
“Yeah…uh…no problem. I’m gonna go out for a bit,” Buck said, pursing his lips before he turned to walk away. Steve pondered why he wanted to leave but quickly forgot about it as you snuggled into him.
“Tell me all about your mission!” you encouraged as he lead you to his bedroom for cuddles and binge watching shows until you fell asleep in his comfortable form.
In the middle of the night, your nightmare happened again and you woke up in a sweat. You decided to get ice water to calm yourself. You pulled away from Steve, slipped out of your street clothes and into a pair of Steve’s pajamas. Padding out into the cool kitchen felt nice as you got a glass of ice water and stood their, putting some of it on your neck as you stared out into the city lights through the massive windows in Stark Tower.
A voice startled you.
“Chocolate milk is better.”
Your head whipped to the left to see Bucky standing there, shirtless and in black pajama pants.
“What?” you questioned, trying to resist drinking in the sight of him.
“To ease your mind…Chocolate milk helps…or so they say. I’ve tried it a lot and it helps me,” he answered as he meandered your way, putting his arms on the cold granite counter top across from you.
“Okay, Mr. Barnes, I’ll try it your way.” You made a glass of chocolate milk and immediately felt at home. “Hmm, that does hit the spot.”
“And on incredibly cold nights, hot cocoa, extra chocolate and a lot of marshmallows too…”
“You seem to know an awful lot about what I might like. Something you wanna tell me?” you teased your new friend.
“I just know a thing or two about restless nights…”
You nodded, sorrow filled your chest for the soldier across from you.
“Those look real good on you,” he informed, taking in your form in Steve’s pajamas.
A blush crept onto your face in the dim kitchen lighting. You weren’t sure how to respond. On one hand, this was Steve’s best friend and he was hitting on you, it should be wrong. You should tell him off. But…on the other hand, you wanted him to say those things to you. That’s what bothered you most. Every other man looked like a troll to you compared to Steve. He’d been perfect, patient, loving, overly sweet. He was everything you ever wanted. So why did Bucky cause your heart to beat faster, your palms to sweat, your stomach to feel like a thousand butterflies were flying around in your stomach?
Unintentionally, you had both started to lean into each other across the island, when another voice called out.
“Y/N?”
You jumped back and looked at where Bucky had been just moments ago.
“Steve!”
“What’re you doing?” he questioned, his eyebrow cocked up.
“I couldn’t sleep so I came out to get a drink.”
“Ah…”
“I’ll be going to bed now,” you murmured, looking at Bucky one last time and walking past Steve, giving him a quick kiss.
“I’m right behind you,” he informed as you walked back to his room.
Steve stayed staring at his best friend.
“What?” Bucky demanded.
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
“‘Those look real good on you’? What was that about? Did something happen that I need to know about? Tell me now Buck and we’ll deal with it. Hide it from me and I won’t forgive you.”
Buck ran his tongue inside his cheek, his options weighing on him. “No, nothing happened while you were gone. I took care of her like you asked, man, that’s all.”
“Okay…No more talks like that.”
“Aye, aye, Cap’n,” he muttered as Steve walked away. Bucky wanted to drink to numb his feelings but he couldn’t even get drunk.
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jewelwriter · 5 years
Text
How a Card Gamer could make a Pokemon Game
[Inspired by Mr. Buddy.]
Warning:  The following is from the mentality of one soul and as such it is to be considered as such, the idea of ONE being.  If you have your own or have positive or negative commentary of said writing please be sure you are aware of what the topic is about and be respectful of the forum that this is written on.  Thank you so very much.
Pokemon has a lot of games under their belt and yet it all stems from the same market.  It's got ups and downs and games we wish were not existing.  But here's a question to think of... what kind of game would we want of it?
Salutations Boys and Girls of ALL ages.  I am Jewelwriter Eli Moonstar and I would like to welcome you to my game idea.
I'll explain the concept of my game and then explain the idea of how to gain Pokemon, how the story works, Key-points, and how it could link to other Pokemon games and maybe help with getting Pokemon that would not be accessible and in a way be a good way to help someone get a Pokemon that would not be locked behind limited and non interactive events and such and finally multiplayer to play against other players.  If you like this or don't let me know down below.
If you got some commentary of this let me know but now it's time to go onto the show.
I'll explain the game idea and story at the same time as this:  Pokemon in this game were forged into cards but there's been someone altering the timeline and history of Pokemon in general.  That each Region is starting to get altered timelines and you are asked by newly introduced Professors of Power named Miles and Millie (they would break the traditional trope of trees but I would hope this would be a game of its own that is special.) as you get to met Millie Power, co-inventor of the Pokeball Cardian System.  The system that has taken the world of Pokemon and while it is able to make it easier to carry, it makes Pokemon a bit more forward.  Though also there are trainers that will battle with these cards and go to battle you and others.  But we are getting a little ahead.  Let's show how it works as you are called forth of the Lab of the Power Twins where we find Millie as she was setting up a deck for the new player.
"Welcome.  I'm Professor Millie Power.  And yes I'm a good bit young to be a professor but I worked hard to be here.  Anyhow, I'm sorry that I gotta ask you a few things.  It's per regulations so if this is annoying let me know."  To which she goes into a clipboard to reading out what is a standard.  Are you a Male or Female player.  Name.  Pick your tone of a character.  Which kind of prize do you want usually from winning?  And then finally, what letter do you care for: G, R, B, or Y?   Based on the stuff given you'll get a basic trainer's ID that seems like it was from the Kalos Pokemon Search System and yet it can be detailed with all sorts of designs.  And then you receive a Duelist Set and an Instruction guide.
It'd be here you'll learn of the game you'd play and can get asked if you care for a training duel.  The way to play this game is a hybrid of games.  If you've played the game Triple Triad then this game will be most familiar to players though there is an energy system that will use the powers of the Pokemon in play.  I do get into a more in-depth rundown but I want to go on from here.  It'll then explain the three systems of how one gets to have as far as obtaining a victory.
Players will find the 'victory system' allows a player to always gain something based on the system they care to do.  If they pick the currency victory, you'll gain currency (Pokedollars) for how many cards are in the opposing deck after the battle ends plus a bit of a bonus depending on if you win or lose (winning will give you a baseline based on if it's a wild battle or not).  If you care to gain more cards then you'll go with the KOed victory where the Pokemon you KO in the battle are the Pokemon you gain from the duel instead of the currency which can lead to getting a lot of Pokemon desired provided they are in the KO'ed area.  Finally, the Mixed Victory where you can pick a card from the deck that has yet to be used and afterward you gain the currency equal to the cards remaining minus the card taken.  All three has an advantage and disadvantage of sorts so pick which one you'd want.  For defeats, you'll only gain as much currency as the number of cards in the deck that goes on...well in single player.  We'll explain what will happen when it goes multiplayer later on.
After that question (or the duel) She'll ask which region you care to go for first:  Johto or Kanto Region?  Either way,$ you can begin from there as you get warped there.
From there, you get to note a few things.  For one, a simple town is a bit of a town hub that kind of goes as follows:  The house you start in is your customize area that you can look over how your design can be.  A hub location with a Pokeball Icon that it is closed for a while.  This will open up at a later date.  And then finally, a route Sign which allows you to head down a certain path.  You'll then head down that route and can either trigger a battle with the wild Pokemon or if you find a trainer icon, battle the local that is there with your deck.  Going through the Grass will have at the least 1 battle with the Pokemon of that area.  Then through each Town and Route, you'll have each of the following things.
A Pokemon Center will allow people to interact and play with other players that will allow you to also edit your decks.  More on this later on...the multiplayer part.
A Pokemart will be allowing you to get to see if a card is up that you'd want for your deck or if one cares for it getting a booster pack of 7 cards based on the region you are in.  (In Kanto and Johto's chase the selection will be from both regions instead)  And for selling cards, you can trade those in to get a little bit of currency.
If there's a mall or shopping center, this is where you can find customization choices to decorate your character or your trainer card or even give a little flair to your card backings.  (There will be one of these in Unova in a Route so keep it in mind.)
As you go through the areas you see some people who seem to be odd colored and with weird glowing eyes.  They seemed to take over the gym leaders an, in turn, trying to control the story of that area.  Defeating these trainers will release the true trainer that is meant to be there.  Brock (or Faulkner) will explain that a group known as Team C.D. is trying to edit history due to an event that happened in their home region.  Though considering they spread to other regions already they suspect that it's already in progress and are taking what they can.
As you progress you'll gain false badges which allow certain access abilities such as spending your currency or discard a card that you got an extra of to do certain events on a route like using flash to reveal a route's obstacles, cutting a tree to access an extra zone, or moving boulders or go through a water alternate route where water specific Pokemon get to be more often to appear or take to the sky where you'll run into flying types only during the trip from one area to another.  This will happen often while you have these badges.
From there you take down each False Gym Leader as you get told by either Morty's False Gym Leader or Sabrina's False Gym Leader that a researcher of sorts was trying to disable their decks but found out their leader wasn't among their ranks took off after snagging cards of theirs but will try to snag your cards in exchange.  After clearing either of these two they'll tell you that the Professors Elm and Oak are captured at Indigo Plateau, and to get to it you'll need to beat the Gym Leaders to proceed and by that they mean the real Gym Leaders since Team C.D. were corrupting the area.  When you get the True badges of the league, you'll be able to use the badge abilities for free which can save a lot of frustration and means you'll have to revisit each gym leader to clear up a badge's requirements.
Once you got the eight true badges you'll be able to enter Indigo Plateau and take on the False Elite Four and Champion.  These trainers will be based on the Generation 2 version of the Elite 4 and Champion.  Like the real Elite Four, you aren't getting out of the area until you are either a victor or the fallen as you take on each of the fighters.  Though to ease up on losing a lot (it is a tall order to win 5 battles in a row of course especially with certain decks.) if you beat the opponent twice leading up to the member, even if you lose along the way the opponent will allow you to go on through, knowing your determination will not fault.  Once the Champion is dethroned the professors will be freed from being hostage.
"Ahh, thank you young one.  It's a sad day that you had to see the best of the best mocked by such criminal alliances." Professor Oak says as he laments about the events that brought you two together.
"It'll be Ok Professor Oak.  Besides, we got work to do still and so does our hero.  Since there's another region they took over." Professor Elm.
"Your right," Oak said before he turns to you.  Depending on which region you liberated, The two will either head back to Pallet Town or New Bark Town while they ask you a favor to take on the other region.  You'll get a ticket to the SS Aqua where you can go to either Vermillion City or Olivine City and ride to the other region.  On the way, you hear of the weird story of what's going on because of a weird red and purple thunderbolt that hit either the Lighthouse or the Vacant lot which trouble seemed to have started from there.  It's clear that there's a special event that is there and you can try to fix up the mess there.  (If it's the Lighthouse, you are in for a lot of fights before finding the gateway and a special card that might come into play.  If it's the vacant lot you'll see a guy with a special card instead.)
Afterward, you get to clean up the entire region and obtain the badges again.  Though it is after you get the last gym cleaned up from Team C.D.'s work an S.O.S. message is sent to you and the location is at Mt Silver.  The only way you can access it is by having all 16 purified badges.  When you do get there you can hear a large battle going off up high.  Climbing up the mountain allows you to see a scientist that looked glad to see you and had to keep near you as you have to admit a brain keeping two criminals at bay is impressive, especially with what looks like an admin of Team C.D. who has to grin.
"Professor Power, It's good to see you are not just a researcher but a battler and took me to a draw.  But I think it'll not be good fortune for you to win twice.  Though it looks like someone came to lighten your load.  You there.  Tell me your name.  Why?  I want to remember the supposed hero that tries to get in my way...and failed!"  He does go down after a good bit and he growls out.
"Sodan, report!  Has the professor been captured?  We need to capture Miles Power!" You hear a voice that was from an electronic device, which Sodan, the supposed commander picks up as he turned to speak up.
"Sodan here.  Sorry, but he repelled me enough to escape.  I need transport back to base asap." After a bit, a Warp to another world appeared as Sodan walked to the gate as he spoke up.  "This'll not be taken lightly, player.  Wait until we get back at you."  With that Sodan is walking off you soon face Professor Miles Power.
"Thank you so much player for coming for me a bit." He said before speaking up.  "I got to get some research done and knowing Millie, she got a project almost done.  If it works, well...it'll be a blessing to all of Pokemon kind."  He said before he takes off to try to get back to the lab.  And from here on you are able to replay all routes and areas and re-battle all the trainers in the region of Kanto and Johto until you go back to the labs.
When you do (by returning to the home town.) you'll be allowed to help the twins with their lab works with the key one that's important is Project Arceus Where he asks you to get 1 Pokemon card of each type and give that data to the professor of the region for research that is when that specific researcher is free.  Pokemon with two types can help out a lot in this case.  In doing this you'll be granted the power to visit each professor of any region (Provided you did the Project Arceus quest for it.) and in exchange for 10 of the exact same card you can get 1 Pokemon sent to a real Pokemon game with stat's mixed up at random but will promise 1 stat is at the highest it can be which is 31 but one stat will be at 0.
After a day of rest, you can go to another region to try to clear out Team C.D. who has invaded other regions to do the same thing as you did in the beginning regions.  This will go more in depth of what Team C.D means as all the regions get explored and their Gym leaders saved along with finding out details of their land as well as start facing off against more of the weird cards that they keep using from time to time as they seem to alter history of the games that were of the history of Pokemon.  Though you'll be joined by Millie when going to Sinnoh.  It'll be explained after a bit.
For an example and to clear up what would happen with certain abnormalities, the Alolan region the Totems and the Kahunas will be replaced by Team C.D. members who are also recruiting Team Skull members to cause havoc and try to draw in the negative power of Pokemon, with you being their counter will not only get Z-Crystal Cards but will also free the Totem and/or Kahuna from the area.  And while it isn't as intended, after taking out the Team C.D. member taking over the Trial of the Ghost totem, you can pick which one to do first in taking out the Team C.D. member that is operating in Team Skull or the one that took over the Kakuna's place though you'll need to do both to go onwards.
After all the trials Team C.D. are gone Millie has a request for you but only if you think that you can do it.  It's to take down Team C.D.'s headquarters that is located in the desert region of Orre with your starting point being the Pokemon HQ Laboratory.  This region that has been the source of the troubles in the Power Twins eyes and the reason why is because they were able to ensnare their prized Pokemon XD-001, aka Shadow Lugia and escaped with it to where they can.  This is also the region where the trainers from every which direction will be all using these special Shadow Pokemon variants of cards.
It's during this time is when you find out what Millie was doing with you during her time with you at times she wasn't with you in some of the cities.  She was trying to use places to heal and make the card a purified card.  And when battling Cyrus and the Team C.D. administrator, the time where Millie battles with you picking whom to take on, the other won and obtained a card from her deck.
If you took on Cyrus, the Admin will smirk after his defeat and show off a card back as he leaves without a word.  If you took on the admin, After you take down Cyrus, it's shown that his cards are scattered and one of them was shown to be XD-001.  Picking it up, the card, we see the villain show off with his back showing while showing off the card, giving a smirk. "Laters." the admin said while making his leave.  It's when you are battling Realgam Tower is where you'll take on that same admin that obtained XD-001.  You gain not only the cards you obtain from either KO'ed or Mixed Victory but you'll obtain XD-001.
The battles will eventually take you to the final location: Citadark Island.  There you have to take down the master mines of the organization C.D. and two of them are the most hardhearted villains of Pokemon history: Ardos and Ghetsis along with a special character made for this game.  For the sake of this Alpha Void who organized the plan and helped the other two with the aspect of dimensional alterations.  Each of the 3 has had enough of you...but in a twist, of each other and you the player end up in Battle Royal game in which you will lose if you come in second or lower.  After such a ride of a four-way battle and you come out the winner you'll be thanked with a play-set of a legendary and mythical Pokemon of your choice and unlocking the ability to being able to be obtained in special locations in wild battles (AS well as any victory condition cards gained from your preferred victory setting).  Be aware that they won't always show up but there's a chance that they will.
Now we get into the Multiplayer part.  The part that has other people with their own decks trying to battle and win against you.  Be sure your settings are on point since now you can wager cards or not depending on your victory condition.  I'll repeat this to be precise:  Be aware that if you play with other characters that you'll have to set up which victory style you want to battle in and be aware that you might end up taking in the effects you ask for.  Meaning you have to be ready to wager cards if you are playing with the KO or Mixed victory system.  Instead of the Pokemon Currency, you'll receive victory coins.  You can trade in victory coins for hosting 4 player battle Royals, get exclusive decorative stuff, and partake in tournaments that can range from 10 to 100 victory coins with prizes on the line [though they will say which kind of victory condition is per tournament so you can go in knowing the risks.] to make partaking in the tournaments reasonable as far as entering goes.
And that...ladies and gentlemen of all ages...is how I would make my own Pokemon game.  Sure it would be a lengthy one but then again I never said if we are going visually intensive with this game or not or even what could be a game return of sprites and art editing.  That detail is up to others but then again this is from someone that has been playing and even developing her own card games for years.  What would you think?  This is likely going to be thrown out the door but still, it's got something.
Let me know down below.
Now as for me... this wild one runs away.
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On Days Like This (Part 2)
Carwood Lipton x Reader
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Hello my lovelies,
TRIGGER WARNING:  “you” are asked if you’ve been sexually assaulted while in captivity. “You” aren’t/have not been and “you” answer No. I’ll strike the line out just to be safe
It had been thirteen days since you were taken by a German scout on horseback, your rehearsed tearful plea for mercy having managed to convince him not to shoot you on the spot. 
You hadn’t managed to get him to let you go, however.
Playing to his CO’s sense of honor, you’d strung together a story of being pursued by several drunk and aggressive US soldiers, how you’d run into the woods because you knew the SS had a base camp there and you knew they’d protect you from such savagery. 
That had also worked, and you were reassured that no harm would come to you in their company.
You only wish they’d been more specific about their parameters around the word ‘harm’.
When you’d proved less than keen at the prospect of remaining in their encampment, the SS Officer who you’d been brought to had made it clear that it wasn’t safe for you to go back through the forest, that you were to stay with them until the American Pig hunt was concluded.
It was then that you made your first escape attempt. It had ended with the butt of a rifle to the temple and a three-day headache.
By day four your dogtags had fallen out of your pocket, and their treatment became less hospitable. 
They’d interrogated you. They’d deprived you of sleep and food. They’d put you in a scavenged summer dress so you’d have no chance of surviving the elements, should you manage to escape again.
But you were pretty quick witted, and again you thanked your rough childhood for teaching you how to improvise when backed into a corner. 
You were a good liar, had become an even better liar since Georgia, and by some miracle had managed to convince your captors that the false information you offered was genuine. 
But the lies were getting harder to keep up.
Your second escape attempt was on day ten, and that time you’d actually managed to hook up with I Company scouts for long enough to tell them all you could about the troop you were with- how many there were and where they were located. 
You’d barely had a chance to give your dog tag to one of I Company’s scouts before the sound of horse hooves alerted you that your captors had finally caught up to you. 
The paratroopers had just managed to camouflage themselves by the time the Nazi CO arrived, hitting you across the face and calling you a stupid girl with a deathwish. Maybe they were right. Maybe Carwood had been right, too.
They planned on killing you tonight.
They hadn’t been subtle about their plan, openly discussing in front of you which of them would have the unpleasant task of disposing of your corpse. 
One of the more sadistic officers had even turned to shoot you a wink after he discussed potentially setting you up like a scarecrow for your American friends to find
Even if the tentitive plan of escape you had made with I company failed, you knew you were going to have to make a break for it anyway.
I Company had told you to look to the west for three flashes of a mirror around noon. 
That was the signal that she needed to get the hell out of there because Easy would be attacking them from the east- there’d only be a few moments of frantic chaos before people would notice you’d slipped away again. 
And hopefully by that time, the firefight will have already begun and your captors will be too busy dying to entrap you again.
11:59am.
You’d sat yourself in the chair closest to the window each day since formulating the plan with I Company, so neither of the officers assigned to watch you were concerned by your fixed gaze on the trees.
“Have either of you been to Foy before?” you ask in German, trying to keep your tone conversational and light. “Like, before all of this?”
One of them, Willem you think his name is, eventually takes the bait.
“Once,” he sighs, a bored look on his face. “As a boy.”
“Was it as beautiful as I think it was?”
He raises an eyebrow in your direction and scoffs. “Compared to the shithole country you’re from, I’m sure everything here seems beautiful.”
You’re about to respond when you catch a faint blinking glimmer coming through the trees, throat getting tight and stealing your breath.
Luckily, your captor just assumes he’s hurt your feelings, and goes back to smoking his cigarette in bored silence.
“I’m sure the Grand Canyon must be beautiful, though?” Willem muses, nodding to his comrade. “Didn’t you say you’ve been to the Grand Canyon—”
“No,” the other man grumbles. “Yellowstone. And it’s beautiful if you like the smell of rotten eggs and horse shit—”
An explosion sounds from the east, and immediately Willem and his friend race to the opposite door to look outside.
There wasn’t a moment to lose.
You all but throw yourself out the window, landing gracelessly on your feet and hands and running as fast as you could towards the woods, eyes locked straight ahead lest something catch your eye and slow you down.
Shit shit shit shit shit!!!
With terrifying whizzing sounds, you felt two shots graze your right bicep in a fiery streak, your lungs searing as you pumped your arms as hard as you could in a vain attempt to go faster.
You see dirt kick up from the ground by your feet as you break the treeline, bullets thunking into the trees around you as you dodged tree limbs and roots.
“Flash!” you shriek, seeing the red piece of fabric the I company scout had told you to look for. “Fucking FLASH, GODDAMNIT! FLASH FLASH FLASh—!”
“THUNDER!”
Dozens of men seem to materialize out of the woods, surging past you at full speed as they breach the perimeter you’d just crossed. 
You feel hands clapping you on the shoulder and pushing you back in the direction they’d come from, shouts of FRIENDLY! INCOMING! preceding your arrival.
When you see one of the medics you give a shout, bounding over to him and launching yourself into the jeep he’s waiting in.
“Fuckareyouhit?” the blond man asks, peeling out and speeding away. “You’rebleeding!”
The air around the two of you seems to scream with gunfire, and you have to shout at the top of your lungs just to be heard.
“Not badly! Keep going!” 
Your heart is racing in your throat as you turn to look behind you, fire lighting up the trees as you get further and further from the frontlines.
You’re shaking with adrenaline, feeling too big for your body and wanting to tear at your skin.”Shit.”
“Almost there.” the man says, looking at her quickly as they finally got onto an actually paved road. “Gees, thought you were a ghost- running out in white and blood like that. Goddamnit, goddamnit….”.
The moment the car was in park you leaned out the side and threw up, tumbling over the door and narrowly avoiding falling in your own sick.
“‘M fine, I’m okay.” you pant at the medic who rushes over and starts yelling at you in German.
“Don’t tell me to shut up,” you snap back at the woman in english, not wanting to hear anymore German that day if you could swing it. “Fucking rude…!”
You let her and the man who drove you there rush you into one of the abandoned homes, into a bedroom where several other nurses rush up and begin to strip you of your clothes.
“I should get back…” the man calls from somewhere behind you, and you manage to wave your hand in his general direction.
“Of course! Thank you—OW.”
You glare at the older woman pulling at the skin around a cut on your shoulder. “I can still feel that, madam!”
With a look that lets you know she’s had it up to her neck in difficult patients that day, she points back on the bed.
“Good, you’re faring better than most then. Now lie down before I make you.”
You narrow your eyes but obey, keeping your mouth shut.
The woman turns and takes a syringe from one of the younger apprentices. “Did they rape you, young lady?”
You feel sick at the question, and you’re shaking your head no before she’s finished asking the question.
“Good.” she hums, putting the needle into your arm with practiced ease. “Maybe not all men are monsters, after all.”
You think of your company, your boys. Your brothers. You think of Carwood.
Carwood, who you’d been so mad at that you hadn’t even said goodbye before going on the fool's errand that was looking for Dike. Carwood, the only person to ever leave you speechless with just a smile. 
He’s out there. He’s out there and I’m not. He probably even doesn’t know that, though.
“I need to be awake,” you insist far too late, your tongue feeling thick and heavy in your mouth from whatever she’d jabbed you with as your boots are being pulled off by another nurse. “I need to see... Easy Company whenever they—”
“Miss, you’ve been shot at least three times. If you want to even live long enough to wake up, you need to stop fighting me and let me help you.”
Oh, you think sleepily. I didn’t even think I’d been hit...
With a slow nod you let out a deep breath, one that sounds like a sob and a whimper.
“Thank you.” the woman says from somewhere near your head. She makes a whistling sound and begins to give instructions in German “Veronique, we’re going to need about three more rolls of linen and one more needle…”
Your vision goes white, and with Carwood’s face in your mind you let the nurses try and save your life.
(*Hits post button and promptly throws laptop across room* ok thnx for reading bye guys)
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proudsmartass-blog1 · 7 years
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I’m a Fraud, Trust Me!
I receive pretty regular messages from people on all platforms of social media that I can be found on (and some that I’ve either forgotten about or swear I signed up for in an Ambien Walrus-stupor), asking me how I can still find humor in everything with losing both parents, how do I cope with the grief, how do I cope with body dysmorphic disorder, have I beaten it? Etc. 
I’ve nothing to hide, and I don’t mind answering and sharing. I reach out randomly to others as well if I respect and admire the stuff that they’re saying. Sometimes they answer, sometimes they don’t and I’m convinced they think I’m a psychopath and I want to curl up in a corner and hide from the embarrassment that is Sam (when in reality they probably just didn’t know how to answer, didn’t have the time, perhaps just felt a bit put off by speaking with someone they don’t know personally...virtually anything but what’s running through my head most likely!).
So, first off...when I receive these messages, I feel the need to stress that I’ve not figured anything out! I feel like a fraud, giving out advice, because I don’t know whether I’m coming or going half of the time.  I know enough to know that I know NOTHING.
On Having Lost Both Parents
I’m still not healed from this, and I don’t know if there is such a thing as “healing” from it.  I walk around feeling quite lost and displaced, and feel like my life has lost its place for me.  I often feel this sense of homesickness that I can’t describe; that I want to go home, but I’ve no home to go to anymore.  I have no idea what direction I’m supposed to take in my life.  I still go to call my mother, at times, and she’s been gone for a year now.  I lost my father when I was a teenager, and never really had the chance to know him. I feel that parts of my personality now may have come from him, so that might be a way of knowing him in a sense.
I question everything that I do, every decision I make, and it absolutely sucks to not have anyone to check in with when I really need to talk about something. I have amazing friends that I’m thankful for and do not take for granted, but it’s just not the same.  I miss talking about my day. I miss being someone’s daughter.   
I haven’t been able to sleep since my mother’s death, and have horribly vivid nightmares when I do sleep.  I’ve started randomly flashing back to small snippets of memories in the hospital via smells, items, sounds that I’d forgotten...really bizarre things that have no significance.  A few friends have suggested that I may have PTSD.  They’re probably right. 
Something that no one prepared me for...when people offered to be there for me when I needed them, they didn’t know that they didn’t really mean it. They didn’t know that they were not capable of holding up to that promise.  This is not to say that their offer did not come from the heart, but I now understand how completely frightening my reality can be for someone who hasn’t gone through this yet.  Seeing my pain and what I’m experiencing is a horrifying reminder that it can happen to them, and they’d start to cry at the thought of losing their loved ones.  They hadn’t even lost their loved ones, but I, who HAD lost my parents, ended up comforting THEM, who were able to go home and hug their loved ones and have dinner with them, etc.  So I learned to just say “I’m fine,” whenever asked if I need to talk.  I could be having THE worst day ever...”Sure, I’m fine.”
On Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Where do I even begin? Sigh....
I don’t know how this even came to be.  I just remember always having it.  There was always something not right about what I saw in the mirror and in photos. I looked deformed.  My body was a strange shape. I was overweight (I wasn’t at that time).  My eyes and nose looked like they were not formed correctly. My reflection looked like I was gazing into a fun house mirror.  I often self-harmed to try and cut the ugliness out of myself, or to achieve the feeling of having a good cry when I was too numb to actually produce tears. 
Then I started gaining weight, and it didn’t make sense. I exercised, dieted, took diet pills, starved myself, made myself throw up after eating. I look back at photos of myself now and see there was absolutely nothing wrong with me! But the weight gain was due to a dysfunctional thyroid (hypothyroidism, which I call hippo-thyroidism because :/ ), which I still deal with. The medication I take for it, which brings my TSH levels down to where they’re supposed to be, ironically contributes to the weight gain, so I don’t take it regularly as I’m supposed to.  It’s kind of a cruel joke, actually.  If you look at me, you’d never think that I haven’t eaten in two days :/ I still struggle with my weight, and will always look like I could stand to lose 10-15lbs, no matter how I work out or how unforgivably mean I can be to myself when it comes to food/eating/restriction/purging. 
I was diagnosed with BDD in my very early teens, but gave up on psychology after three therapists didn’t make a dent. I toy with the idea of trying again, but I’m skeptical.  Plus, my copayments per session are not cheap.  And I’m not down with psyche meds for myself, personally.  I saw them destroy my mother’s body and I just feel they’re not worth it (again, for myself...I’ve seen them change lives for others, and I think that’s amazing!)
Here’s where it gets weird, though.  I spent my entire life up to last year battling the grotesque monster I saw in my reflection, trying to get a handle on myself and my anxiety over eating and gaining weight.  I actually was doing really well. I was going to the gym regularly, eating pretty healthy, not drinking, doing well with not eating junk food, and I could actually stand looking at myself in the mirror and having my photo taken.  I lost my mother, and with her unexpected death I felt like I’d unexpectedly died as well.  Nothing was recognizable anymore. I couldn’t process thoughts or emotions and just binged on booze for a month. I couldn’t eat food. I felt like I had lost all fight for my life. The only thing that was familiar was the monster in the mirror. Suddenly, it wasn’t the enemy anymore. I sort of felt like I just let it become me, like the two became one, and let it live for me until I was ready to slip back into my life once more...and I’ve been living that way since (which I realise is by no means healthy). 
As of right now, I cannot look in the mirror.  The reflection frightens me. I don’t recognise her. I hate her sometimes because I feel like she is a lie. And this isn’t even focusing on the flaws!  I REFUSE to be in photos.  I see myself as 50+lbs heavier than I actually am.  I have anxiety attacks when it comes to eating and go up to three days without food sometimes.  I’ll eat when I feel shooting pains in my gut (but then I’ll have ‘fuck it!’ days and enjoy two healthy meals, which is huge for me).  I make a point of not looking into full-length mirrors. They’re not worth the anxiety attacks. 
The best part? Next to no one knows that I suffer from this. I only bring it up if someone repeatedly offers me food and it becomes obvious that I keep declining. I’d rather be someone with food baggage than a dick to someone I care about!
On Dealing with This Clusterfuckerry
1. I do make a point of trying to laugh at myself/my circumstances as often as I can manage.  If I can find the humour in my circumstances and myself, I feel like I’m taking the power back. That perhaps it’s not so big and bad and  horrific, after all (bullsh!t...yes it is, but this little mind game that I play with myself works from time to time).  Also, I make jokes at myself before anyone else gets the chance to.  I’m taking that opportunity away from others, and showing that they have nothing on me/no power over me (a self-deprecating defense mechanism, of sorts).  As Carrie Fisher said, “If my life wasn’t funny, then it would just be true. And that is unacceptable!”
2. Friends (the people, not the TV show...although the TV show is pretty cool, too!)  With the exception of making them cry and having to comfort them when I talk about coping with being lost and not having parents, I have some pretty bomb-@ss people in my life. They’ve kept me rooted in reality, let me be an annoying emo wreck when I need to and love me anyway, indulged me in beautifully soulful conversations (sometimes at ungodly hours, without murdering me...thanks guys! :),  and reciprocate my snark in impressive fashion. I was dreading my birthday this week, but they went above and beyond to make sure I smiled and even nailed it with gifts that I said I didn’t want (a Sad Ghost Club ‘Still Sad’ hat (excellent website with cute stuff, by the way!), cologne and perfume for each of my moods/sides, and enough drinking chocolate for the year).   If I didn’t have them checking in on me regularly, I might not be here typing this right now. Seriously, they help me more than they’ll ever know!
3. I think it’s natural to compare ourselves to others, but I’m making an active effort to do this less. I’ll never be a ‘typical’ woman (see Gender post, if you haven’t reached “STFU, Sam!” level yet), I’ll never be the tall skinny-minnie type that I wish I could be.  And I think I’d be bored, quite honestly, if I were.  Deep down, I think(?) I like myself. 
I also make an active effort to compliment at least three random strangers daily.  People can be skeptical or sleazy, unfortunately (New York, what a town!), but for the most part the compliments are received well.  If I can make someone feel good about themselves, even for just a moment, I feel happy.  They feel happy.  We all win. 
So there it is...way too much info about me, how I deal with this nonsense, etc.  Whenever I get a “how do you deal...” message, I’ll direct people to this post!
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