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ilovemygaydad · 5 years

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punk!patton is adopted by single parent logan part 2/?

part one - part three - part four - part five - ao3 version - masterlist (includes asks)

pairings: eventual moxiety, eventual logince

warnings: swearing, lots of emotions, anxiety, worry, panic attack mentions, patton’s an asshole (both intentionally and not), a tiny bit of accidental ableism, hurt feelings, food mentions, possibly something else

***feel free to send me questions or comments! i’ll answer them to the best of my ability, and everything is tagged under “punk!patton au”

here we go babey

for the entirety of his week-long suspension from school, patton just contemplates these icky, weird feelings that he’s having

because he thought that he’d gotten rid of them, but the way that he tried to protect virgil obviously proves something different....

before that day, he’d never tried to protect anyone before

it was patton against the world through and through

but then this... this boy in these pastel clothes shows up, and suddenly patton wants to protect him!

like what the fuck?!

he decides to pretend that these emotions don’t exist because feelings are too much fucking work

so he goes back to school like nothing happened

which goes totally fine because virgil doesn’t attempt to talk to him for the entirety of their first block

when the bell rings, however... virgil pretty much slams his hands on patton’s desk before he can get up, leaning in with stern expression twisting his normally soft features

(which is only accentuated by the still-fading black eye that virgil mostly covered up with concealer...)

“are you okay?”

and patton is just taken aback by how forward virgil is being--especially since he’s wearing a light blue skater skirt and gray long-sleeved crop top, which is not the epitome of sternness, and pat stutters out a shy “yeah” before virgil goes off on a tiny rant

“that’s good! i was really worried that you’d gotten in a ton of trouble with your dad for swearing at those parents, and i had no way to know if you were okay, so i kind of freaked out for the whole week. and, like, i’m really sorry that i got involved because it ended up getting everyone in super big trouble--especially you--and that kind of sucks. so, yeah, sorry.”

patton hadn’t been listening since the word “worried,” as he’d become entranced by virgil’s color-shifting lip gloss. he sees pinks and blues and purples as virgil talks, and he leans in just slightly to get a closer look

and it’s absolutely NOT because virgil’s lips look so pretty and soft pshhhhhh no

virgil notices that patton’s staring at him with furrowed brows, and he realizes that he’s looking at the lip gloss he’s wearing, and he sort of

freaks out...?

he flinches back and covers his mouth with his hands in one of his familiar bouts of self-doubt

“why are you staring at my lip gloss? does it look bad?” he rushes

and patton’s like

????????? what?????

no???????

and in an unexpected turn of truthfulness, patton says, “no, it looks really pretty.”

and for some reason, there’s a weird, fluttery feeling in patton’s chest when virgil takes his hands away from his face and smiles

[john mulaney voice] now we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

luckily enough, patton is saved from having to deal with the emotions when the warning bell for passing time rings, and both teenagers rush to scoop up their things and go to their next classes

even luckier, patton doesn’t have his next three classes with virgil, so he doesn’t have to think about his--gross--emotions

but then

lunch time rolls around

and patton hadn’t prepared for how absolutely fucking awful that mess would be!

as soon as he walks into the cafeteria, he’s accosted by so many noises and smells

he tries to leave, but the lunch monitor tells him that the kids aren’t allowed to leave once they enter until the end bell rings, which is such bullshit, but patton really doesn’t need another tick on his permanent record

clutching the brown bagged lunch in his fist, he scans the cafeteria for somewhere to sit and finds virgil sitting at an otherwise empty table near the trash cans

with a groan, patton makes his way over and plops himself across from virgil, who squeaks at the sudden companion and nearly drops his phone to the floor in surprise

“do you not have a lunch?” patton asks, choosing to ignore the fumble

“ah, no. i can’t eat the school lunches because i have celiac disease, so i usually just sit here on my phone”

with probably more force than necessary, patton tore the top off of his lunch bag and pulled out an apple, holding it out to virgil as he ordered, “eat it”

virgil hesitated for a second, but ultimately took the apple and bit into it, wincing as lip gloss got all over the skin

patton smiles gently and says a quick thanks to virgil before digging into his own lunch

they exchange a bit of banter, and all is going well and good until patton gets curious

“why do you dress like that?”

virgil freezes in his spot, and an emotion flashes on his face that patton deciphers just a few moments too late

“i--i’m sorry, i’ve got to go!” virgil mutters, leaving the half-eaten apple on the table and running from the cafeteria, ignoring the angered shouts of the lunch monitor

patton only spends a few seconds staring at the doors that virgil ran out of before he turns back to his lunch and shrugs. it’s not like he was really that into making friends at school. and he was already planning on sitting in the library for lunch

he didn’t care

he really didn’t

he didn’t!

patton pretends not to notice the fact that virgil’s name is called in several of his last few classes, but the quiet boy isn’t there

later that night after dinner, logan is sitting at the kitchen table grading some homework assignments from his first graders

“grading” being used very lightly. he was mostly looking to see if they actually followed the minimal instructions on their writing sheet

but then the doorbell rang, which was confusing for logan because he wasn’t expecting any visitors

he walks the few meters to the door and opens it

standing outside is a man in a slouchy hat and very... colorful clothes

“hi, are you logan summers?” the man asks in an odd accent that logan can’t place

“yes, and you are...?”

“roman sanders. my son, virgil, goes to the same school as patton”

and logan is internally going oh shit what the hell did patton do now

on the outside, he simply says “do you want to come in? it’s a bit chilly, and i’d rather not cause a draft.”

roman nods and steps inside, and logan closes the door. he leads his “guest” to the living room where they can talk in comfort.

“did patton do something to virgil?” logan blurted out as soon as they were seated

“sorry, can you repeat that? you were talking too fast for me to read your lips.” roman gave a lighthearted laugh and took off his hat to reveal a mess of brown hair that didn’t quite cover the bright red hearing aids that wrapped around his ears

which would explain why his speech was different. he couldn’t actually hear what the sounds were supposed to be like

logan felt like an idiot

“my apologies. i just asked if patton did something to upset virgil. he isn’t the most... gentle person.”

roman’s smile turns to a grimace “virgil called me in the middle of the day to ask me to pick him up from school. i was lucky enough that all of my patients had scheduled for the morning, and i was able to get to the school without feeling guilty about cancelling someone’s session last minute. when i got to the school, virgil was sobbing. virgil likes wearing gender non-conforming clothing, and apparently patton asked why he liked to dress the way he did, and it spooked the poor kid. i was hoping to clear some things up so virgil would feel better.” (roman is a therapist)

logan

well

he was kinda pissed

patton of all people shouldn’t be judging others for dressing against the norm, since he did the exact same thing!

he quickly excused himself and dragged (figuratively, though he would have resorted to fireman carrying the teenager if he’d refused) patton to the living room to talk to roman

introductions happened blah blah blah and roman asks what patton did to upset virgil

and patton’s like “i was curious about his clothing style????”

roman kind of just narrows his eyes at patton and says “i want to know exactly what you asked before i make an assumption on what to do. words can trigger emotional responses depending on the person, especially with added influence of tone.”

logan will never admit that he’s surprised at how intelligent this man is

and how he’s a little bit attracted to him

and patton being patton said, “i just asked, ‘why do you dress like that’ and he got all upset! it’s not my fault he got offended by my curiosity”

logan pinches the bridge of his nose, and roman pulls out his phone

“we’re calling virgil, and you’re going to apologize to him”

roman starts a facetime call with virgil, and signs “hey, starlight! i have someone here who wants to talk to you.”

virgil both audibly says and signs “who?”

it sounds like he’d been crying

roman turns the phone so that it’s facing patton, who just crosses his arms and turns his face so that he doesn’t have to see virgil

“patton,” logan says in his Dad Voice. “apologize”

and then patton glances at the screen and sees virgil’s red nose and the tear tracks down his cheeks and how bad virgil looks, and he breaks

his voice is quiet and shy as he says “i’m really sorry for upsetting you. i was just curious as to why you chose such a unique style in an often unforgiving environment. i should have worded my question better”

patton peeks over at virgil, who seems to contemplate the apology for a few seconds before saying “i forgive you” with the tiniest baby smile that makes patton’s heart melt

and they both kind of seem to forget their dads are there until the phone is turned back to roman, who took the smiles and not speaking as a cue to take the call back

“i love you” he signs to virgil

“love you too,” virgil says (and presumably signs) “but please don’t hunt down every person who hurts me and do this. you’re lucky that i didn’t catch you, dad, because i would have kicked your ass before you would have left the house”

roman smiles, and patton lets out a surprised laugh because he didn’t think that someone as cute as virgil could physically swear

“dad, can you give the phone over to patton and let me talk to him in private for a few minutes?”

roman hands the phone over and follows logan into the next room (where logan definitely isn’t eavesdropping and relaying all of the information to roman)

“so,” virgil starts as soon as patton gives him an all clear “i wanted to explain to you why i dress the way i do even though it’s really simple: i just like the soft fabrics and colors. they make me feel much happier than when i tried to fit in with the other kids by wearing hypermasculine clothing.”

“that’s valid,” patton says because he doesn’t really know what else to say

“why do you dress in all dark colors and edgy clothing?”

patton hadn’t thought about virgil reversing the question on him, but he feels compelled to answer

so he does

he talks about his life at the orphanage and how he shut himself off from the world. he knew that people didn’t like him for his emotions, so he just tried storing most of them away and pushing others out of his personal space. he lashed out so easily because he was lonely but didn’t know how to properly express his emotions

and by the end of the explanation, virgil is a little teary, and he says “patton, you are far more lovable than you think. i’m sorry that the world told you otherwise”

and now patton is crying a bit, and they kind of just sit there for a second and take in their emotions

for once, patton doesn’t try to mash them down

the parents come in a few minutes later when the kids calmed down, and roman took his leave, but patton doesn’t forget to say goodbye to virgil first

and he’s actually kind of looking forward to seeing virgil the next day, even though he won’t admit it

to be continued in.... PART THREE

okay so here’s the thing fam... so many of you asked to be tagged that i don’t know if i’m going to be able to fit everyone. literally. SO if your name isn’t on here, or you notice someone whose name isn’t on here that asked, i’m sorry, but i literally can’t do anything about it. it will take me years to tag everyone even with infinite tags. the amount of love this has received is great, but i am human

tag list: @residentanchor @eeveeawesome @xionical @absolutesandersidestrash @stormcrawler75 @musikasworld @ironwoman359 @a-weirdo-with-a-computer @thegaypotatoroyalty707 @darkrainbow333 @ravenclawunicorn1 @noahlovescoffee @whymustibedraggedintofandomhell @romansleftshoulderpad @still-waiting-for-cookies @emounicorn2006 @lana--22 @angels-ofthe-sea @demonickittykat @lonelysoul43 @the-virgil-mary @five-second-cookies @noisywolfbatbakery @band-be-boss-blog @heck-im-lost @lamp-calm-sanders @patton-e @knightofbloodcancer @cloudchaser7 @really-sleep-deprived-nerd @era-eclipsed @khadij-al-kubra @anxiousmorality @are-you-really-sure-about-that @today-only-happens-once @notalwaysthevillian @backatthebein @sunshineandteddybears @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @emo-sanders-sides-loving-unicorn @dodos-in-damnation @some-lost-meme-boi @dead4sevenyears @spookyingarbageisland @the-poison-apple-of-art @radioactivehelena @the-melody-of-eliza @im-a-mess-aaaaaa @whycantihavemorethan32characters

#m writes things #moxiety #logince #patton sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #punk!patton au

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well-known-stranger · 6 years

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Abandonment & depression

Sorry, people, but I’m going to rant. I shouldn’t apologize for doing that on my own blog, but I still will, dealeth with it. So, I’ve been feeling immensely depressed as of late. Nobody really would notice that who follows me because my art is sporadic as it is, so these couple of months being artless is not a big deal. Even when depression is not here with me, I still have fatigue episodes that just make it not possible for me to really give Tumblr a look. Not to mention that, while I really love this platform for speaking out on so many important topics, it also is extremely anxiety and depression inducing to read in chunks. It’s a wonderful thing so many people have a good look on things and are spreading the word and helping, but I can only read so many posts about domestic abuse, LGBT oppression, racism, ableism and other things, before it puts me down so bad I barely manage to leave the house for work and groceries. I’m lucky that it’s “only” my two passions, art and roleplaying suffered from this so far. There is also this other minor thing that I mentioned in my other blog. Yeah, there are cusses in it, scary, I know. Now, that is just general Tumblr and internet presence crap, but I had a huge personal issue as of late, too. Not a lot of people know, but I am Hungarian by nationality, and have been living in Germany since 2015 because, well, Hungary is a pile of steaming shit to live in for generally anyone who is not part or a huge, vocal fan of the cocksucking mouthbreather party that makes up most of the government there. If I still lived there as a I am (a twentysomething young woman who has liberal views on the world, and is also gay), I would have been likely seriously hurt or worse, killed by some rabid, lunatic fucker, and so would my sister (also gay) and my mother (disabled). During that time, of course, I tried to be very active via the net, or the phone, with my friends who remained there in Hungary. I was very much present online, made myself available to play video games and others, and once I got a proper, paying job, I even flew back to Hungary twice from my own money, on my own time, to visit them, because we both wanted to see each other. Unfortunately, though, that didn’t really last all that long. One of my longest time friends who I even called my best friend, slowly stopped responding and speaking until it was just all gone. I was crushed by that, and I think to this day I’m not over it completely. It basically left me with only two friends whom I retained my relationship with since leaving Hungary, as all others either dropped contact with me the moment my train was out of the country, or, as mentioned above, slowly drifted away. Last week, I had a tiring, early-morning schedule at work. So, I thought, why not be ahead of myself. Out of my two friends, one was at work, with an even worse schedule than mine, so I talked to the other guy, and we agreed that on a specific day, once I’m back from work, we would play something together, or just chat, generally hang out online. The day before, I asked again, just to be sure, but got no response, which I remarked on, albeit softly. Then the actual day we agreed on, came, and the dude was just not responding, for a while, then disappeared completely from every online surface. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and waited - rrrrright up until the minute that was my absolute limit for the night; I had to turn in for sleep eventually, because of working hours. Before I went, I made a rather hurt, but not offensive remark on him disappearing, along the lines of “I guess nothing will happen tonight after all”. This is not something out of character for me, and under the past nine years we’ve known each other, my friends were hugely aware that I use this kind of phrasing when I’m downtrodden about something. Nevertheless, I got a kinda haughty reply back, which, I didn’t think much of at the time. He was caught on the spot forgetting about a promise, he was busy with something he forgot to mention, whatever, fine. Shit happens. Except, shit did happen, way too often. I put myself out there a lot, to keep my friendship with these two going, and took way too much time out of my day to plan my free time next to work, out, so that I can get a chance to maybe, maybe, talk or even do stuff together with them. And it was getting really, really cumbersome to receive barely any signs of effort back towards me. So, I made a little summary, very eloquently, albeit at times frustratedly(?) put. This got the OTHER friend, who I was not specifically having an issue with, reply, with a very genuine and heartfelt response, which was nice to hear. (He was/is dealing with his own demons at the time.) Anyhow, the dude I took issue with here, did not respond. In fact, from this point, he never did, once. The next day, I found out he deleted me off of his friend list on Battle.net, which felt hurtful, but I was willing to give that the benefit of the doubt still. Maybe he had something come up and is dealing with it, I dunno? Then days went by with no response, so I messaged him on Facebook, a bit frustrated by then. He read my message (according to FB), and then blocked me. I got worse and worse into this mix of anger, confusion and frustration, and I went as far as to send a well-worded, polite message to his mother, and ask if there’s something wrong she might know, and I don’t. She also ended up blocking me, without even reading what I sent. So it’s been a week today, since this friend of mine, of nine years, across countries, decided on a whim that saying a simple sorry was more difficult than painstakingly burning a bridge that lasted a decade almost. To this day I have no idea why he, or any of my other, I guess ex-friends, figured they don’t want me in their lives any more. None of them gave explanations to me, ever. Not once. Sometimes I genuinely think there is a grave error with me that just repels people, and I am immensely scared that those people I love and are still with/around me, will disappear, too. Yes, I like to be given space. But don’t abandon me without word or reason. Don’t just block me out without telling me why. Don’t make it impossible for us to fix things. It kills me inside. Please.

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ncfan-1 · 6 years

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Gotham 04X16, ‘One of My Three Soups’

So, this is Ben McKenzie's second episode as a director. He didn't write this episode as well, so I don't anticipate it being as good as the episode he did write, but I'm interested to see what kind of visual style he has. This is Gotham.

And the dashboard is doing that thing where it doesn’t know what apostrophes are. What the hell.

- Okay, I am going to make three predictions for this episode. Here they are.

1) Jim Gordon is not going to express any meaningful remorse. By that, I mean he isn’t going to express any sort of remorse that I believe could actually lead somewhere.

2) Having been recast, Jonathan Crane will have a completely different personality and set of motivations, and there will be no continuity between Tahan!Jonathan and Thompson!Jonathan’s characters.

3) Selina will join Jerome because ‘Long Halloween’ reasons.

4) There will be horrible depictions of ableism in Arkham Asylum.

Now, I am going into this hoping that all of these predictions will be proven wrong. To be fair, #1 is low-hanging fruit and I’m not likely to be proven wrong there, but I always hope this show will be better than it has been, even though I know that’s unlikely.

- We open with one of the guards in Arkham reading a wrestling magazine.

- And I think we’ve found out what the protocol for going to deal with Jervis is. Listen to loud music so he can’t hypnotize you, and keep the man in solitary so he has less access to victims. And… I’m right. I know Jervis is a horrible person, but the effects of solitary confinement on inmates, especially when they aren’t allowed human contact, are well-documented.

- So it turns out Jervis and Jonathan are buddies. I know he’s been recast, but I’ll remind you that Jonathan is a teenage boy, no matter who’s playing him. Jervis… is the last person I want to be alone with a child.

- Seems Jerome and Jonathan don’t particularly get along.

- And, as with List!Ivy, in Thompson!Jonathan’s characterization it appears that the writers seem to believe that creepiness is a suitable substitute for character. It’s not. He sounds like a caricature of himself, but Thompson does seem like he’s trying his damnedest.

I will note one more thing. Since Jonathan is, at the oldest, eighteen years old, and he never finished high school, I don’t think he’s a good candidate to be making lock-melting acid in his cell’s toilet. Also, why do they let him wear that burlap sack over his head? The first time he rolls onto his stomach while he sleeps he’s in danger of suffocating. Though, it could be the staff is hoping for that to happen. They treated him like absolute shit, it sounds like, but if none of them acknowledge their own culpability in what Jonathan’s become, it’s likely none of them like him too much after the first time he raised hell in there.

- And apparently this is Jim’s first night out of the hospital.

- Oh, Jervis, I’ve missed you. You’re a horrible person and I’ve missed you. Benedict Samuel is a gift from God.

- We seem to have some interpersonal tension between Jim and Bullock.

- The two of them pull up to where Jervis is waiting. We have a hypnotized couple in wedding garb… standing beneath a wrecking ball. I know most of my readers have seen the promo. You know where this is going.

- Seriously, why doesn’t Jervis have a massive scar on his neck?

- And the mind of Jervis Tetch is as miserable and disturbing a place as ever, his memory as self-serving as ever.

- I don’t remember Jervis rhyming this much in Season 3.

- And when Jervis lifts his hold over the thugs, they start crowing like roosters.

- Bruce and Selina head to the GCPD so they can read Jerome’s file.

- Barbara, sweetheart, alcohol isn’t going to do anything for your migraine.

- Poor Barbara. She’s in a horrible position right now.

- “It hurts too much.” Barbara…

- Of course, Tabitha… I think she means well this time (I think). But Tabitha is not one of my favorites at the best of times, and she’s not endearing herself to me right now.

- Flashback time!

- I hate that this makes me ship Ra’s/Barbara a little more. But even if it’s only to manipulate her, he sounds like he’s the only person who’s ever bothered to really listen to her.

- Yeah, I’m pretty sure this is just manipulation. But I like ships with messed-up dynamics sometimes.

- So we’ve got Jerome, Jervis, Jonathan, Ivy, and the League of Shadows set to all be raising hell in Gotham at once. This show is about to get a bit narratively crowded.

- And we have rows upon rows of hypnotized people standing on rooftops, waiting to jump at the stroke of midnight. No, Jim, a net is not going to work. What you need is a lot of nets. And soon.

- Jerome’s uncle lives in Gotham. What? I suppose that’s where the twin might come into things. And apparently Bruce feels responsible for what Jerome does.

- As ever, I like Bruce and Selina’s interactions. It’s one of the emotional touchstones of the show, so it’s good that their dynamic is so… good.

- Jerome is, as ever, a bit boring. Here’s another character where the writers think creepiness is a suitable substitute for character.

- His uncle’s vile.

- A ton of extras snuck into the Sirens’ club.

- Harvey’s found the radio station Jervis was broadcasting from. And Jervis had a special signal for him.

- So, we’ve seen Jervis and Jerome. Where’s Jonathan, anyways? He doesn’t exactly come across as an equal partner in this little coalition the three of them have formed. I wonder if Jervis isn’t keeping him close at hand.

- Jim’s at the radio station.

- And we come back to Jerome, Jerome’s vile uncle, the strong man, and the “soup.” The literally boiling soup. Bruce walks in and is suitably horrified.

- Jerome came to his uncle for a reason. I wonder what it is he wants to know.

- And apparently no woman has ever led the League of Shadows. The sexist man who wanted to depose her promptly gets stabbed. And it turns out the rest of them want the top spot, too.

- Jervis needs to learn to lock doors so people can’t put guns to his head.

- Jim basically tells Jervis that he’ll torture him ‘till he does what he wants. And then he follows through. Our hero, everybody.

- What is it with this show and hand trauma?! It really is somebody’s fetish, isn’t it!

- Jim, why didn’t you get the nets? You could have avoided this, you asshole.

- Selina intervenes at the diner. She tries to kill Jerome, only for Bruce to stop her. What Selina wants, basically, is for Bruce to actually live his life and not be burdened with guilt.

- Barbara steps up as a brand-new evil overlord. This… is a good look for her. I hope you have a good story arc, Barbara!

- And Jim has a moment where he eats humble pie. Not sure he learned anything for the long-term, but he looks appropriately tired.

- So Jim and Harvey are calling it a day. Jim doesn’t think he belongs here; he thinks he belongs in jail. Harvey agrees, but he tries to give him some feel-good thing about saving the people on the ledge. It rings hollow.

- Jim… actually apologizes to Harvey for judging him. I’m shocked. In a good way, but I’m still shocked.

- Bruce calls up Jim to tell him he’s going to the school Jerome was looking for.

- We end with Jervis in a fucking muzzle (I have no words—it is equal parts amusing and appalling), when Jerome and Jonathan come to rescue him. Jervis looks genuinely happy to see them. I’m almost touched. They all seem to be genuinely fond of each other—well, Jerome and Jonathan don’t, but apparently they cooperated long enough to rescue Jervis without getting into a brawl, so that’s something.

Okay, so predictions.

1) Jim Gordon is not going to express any meaningful remorse. By that, I mean he isn’t going to express any sort of remorse that I believe could actually lead somewhere.

Not sure with this one. Yes, he did express some guilt, but I’m not sure that it’s going to go anywhere. Every time Jim says something about feeling guilty, Harvey says something to him trying to convince him not to follow through on his guilt and come clean about… everything, really.

2) Having been recast, Jonathan Crane will have a completely different personality and set of motivations, and there will be no continuity between Tahan!Jonathan and Thompson!Jonathan’s characters.

Looks like this one was true. I’ll save the rant about internal consistency for another episode, because honestly, it was hard to get a good read on him. Jonathan felt a lot less like a character this episode than he did a plot device. He was basically in it just to produce a lock-melting acid that it seems frankly implausible he would have known how to produce or had the materials to produce it with, given his education stopped at ninth grade, and that’s it. Much like Tahan!Jonathan, it felt like he only existed when the show needed him to exist, and when it didn’t, he got shoved back in the box of non-existence and everyone forgot he existed. Watsonianly, it adds to that sense I got, that Jonathan is not an equal partner with Jerome and Jervis. I’ll be interested to see if that actually goes somewhere.

As an aside, the idea that Jervis and Jonathan have interacted enough to know each other and be friendly is just… It makes my skin crawl, okay. Because I love Jervis, but he really does give off “I have candy in my van” vibes, and aside from Jim Gordon, every adult we’ve ever seen Jonathan Crane interact with has abused and exploited him in some way. And it’s not like Jervis isn’t an abuser. I’m looking to see where their apparent relationship goes, with much less eagerness.

And my personal suspicion about the “personality face lift” for Jonathan Crane here is that Tahan was perhaps just a bit too good at making him vulnerable and sympathetic for the higher-up’s liking. Like I said earlier, Thompson is clearly trying his damnedest—I rarely come across an actor in this show who seems to be sleepwalking through the part—but “sympathetic” and “vulnerable” is clearly not what the writing’s going for here. “Cartoonish, two-dimensional supervillain” is more like what the writing’s going for here. (Prove me wrong, Gotham. Prove me wrong, please.)

3) Selina will join Jerome because ‘Long Halloween’ reasons.

Didn’t happen. THANK GOD. This was the one I was the most afraid about. I suppose there’s still time for it to happen, but it makes even less sense now than before.

4) There will be horrible depictions of ableism in Arkham Asylum.

Happened. Ugh. I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. Oh, wait, I am mad.

Well, at least the dynamic between the villain triple-act was interesting.

#ncfan watches Gotham

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nightcoremoon · 7 years

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now that I've driven home and had a few minutes to cool off and collect my thoughts, I feel I should explain myself to the people who have been following me and know who i am so I don't damage my relationship or reputation more than I probably already have. there was a post that an autistic person I follow made, where he vented about bigotry against autistic people, and ended with a passive aggressive "...janice". there was another post that a nonbinary person I follow made where they vented about bigotry against gender nonconforming people, and ended with a passive aggressive "...denise". I'm not 100% sure which was which but I DEFINITELY remember the posts, as well as the profile pictures of the people who posted them. I don't remember the urls though, and even if I did remember them I wouldn't list them in case the people who are now harassing and spamming me in my inbox and activity feeds decided to also hop on their [proverbial] dicks as well as mine because they apparently culturally appropriated those post templates, of ending extended rants about various bigots and ending them with names befitting of middle aged suburban soccermoms, karen. now, when listing people of this demographic, I used to include white among those adjectives. however, there are black middle aged suburban soccermoms, hispanic middle aged suburban soccermoms, and asian middle aged suburban soccermoms, and pretty much people of every race who have the potential to be this type of person the practice strawmans. obviously not every single middle aged suburban parent of children who participate heavily in after school activities is going to be the type of person to scream at retail workers or starbucks baristas or people who cut off their minivans when they're driving 15 under the speed limit in the left lane. not every single middle aged suburban person is an undeducated bible thumping bigot with their head shoved up their ass. not every one of them is a problematic piece of shit that stands by the #alllivesmatter crew or trump or whatever the republicans are rallying around this week. not even all of the white ones, and there are some people who fit the trope who are not white. I've dealt with many of them during my days at target, but I always stood by including white. until recently. when I learned it made black people uncomfortable when white people made white jokes, I was of course initially hesitant. "that's fucking stupid!" I though. "I'm not assuaging white guilt by doing this, I'm just finding it in me to laugh at myself". and then I read a bit more about the subject and figured it isn't worth the potential heartache if I fought it because in all honesty it kind of makes sense. my mom's boyfriend's son is black (and hispanic), and I had once made a white girl joke to my sister in front of him and mom told me later that both he and her boyfriend were uncomfortable with me saying that. after seeing the post that talked about it, and my... slight breakdown where I may have dramatically overreacted... I decided to try and stop with the white people jokes because I want to unlearn all of the racist shit that my dad, stepmom, aunts, uncles, grandparents, former friends, former acquaintances, and society in general that I possibly could, because racism as a concept digs into my skin and fucks me up. it used to make me absolutely seethe with rage, and I still get a little steamed by it. in fact I once got in a LOT of trouble with my high school sociology student teacher because I got really shitty with her when she- an anthropology student no less- kept calling one kid in our class by his initial because apparently kudsai is just Too Hard™ to pronounce. one day, an off day where I forgot to take my medicine, she called him that and I yelled at her "he has a name, so use it". granted I didn't like the kid. I thought he was annoying; loud, obnoxious, constantly making sex jokes while we were studying freud (and even the fucking holocaust), in the choir and the football team... basically like any other cishet teenage boy. but being annoying is no excuse for a teacher to not take five fucking seconds of her day to learn how to say his name right just because it wasn't franklin or gregory, two of the other black kids who I went to school with. anyone following me as far back as when annie got remade with quvenzhane wallis as the titular role might have read my thoughts on the matter of pronouncing people's names right. i'm not saying this to pat myself on the back for not being racist, because WOW was I a rough mess of things back then, but I was never like my dad's side of the family about race. back when michael brown's death and ferguson were still talked about, I found myself agreeing with rush limbaugh about some of the things he said, so clearly I haven't been a perfect angel my whole life. anyway, back to white people jokes making black people feel uncomfortable. I've been trying to make myself agree with that, which as anyone who has the syndrome formerly known as aspergers can probably attest to, is hard as shit to do. possible but hard. like, I'm even now still unlearning some acephobia, transphobia, queerphobia, islamophobia, and even though I know the occasional fleeting thoughts that I think are wrong and bad, they still happen very frequently. same goes with various forms of racism and xenophobia. my dad (and former stepdad's) influences are probably so deep because of various issues with abandonment and abuse that I'm not gonna discuss here, and they're both absolutely reeking with white supremacist microaggressions. so I'm definitely trying my hardest. part of that is why I reacted so negatively when people misinterpreted what I said, put words in my mouth, and straight up told me to kill myself in all of these messages that are still flooding in. another part is because I truly do stand by the things that I meant to say, rather than the things that it appears I've said. I really do think that it's unreasonable to say that it's racist for people who aren't black to make posts where we vent about various injustices we face from people who are misinformed and ignorant and straight up smarmy condescending assholes and then end it with a passive aggressive name of some baby boomer fuckwit, peggy. because these baby boomer fuckwits come in many colors (black people are still capable of being racist [against hispanic/asian/etc people, not whites, I need to make that abundantly clear], classist, misogynist, queerphobic, ableist, otherwise bigoted prejudiced assholes), and these names that are heralded as "typically white", like henry or franklin or gregory or harold or penelope or alice or etc, are not exclusively white names. I've seen or met black people with names like this and while it's definitely not the majority (not even close), and it's definitely partially due to cultural erasure perpetuated by gentrification, it still exists. so it doesn't make sense to me why the person who wrote the post that started me on this whole sequence of posts about this topic insisted that it was a 'white people names' thing. especially when white people names are more like khaeylieghhe or miakkaylia or annedeeye or some other ridiculous bastardisation of english language in order to make your child feel special and unique and end up growing to be a cookie cutter member of the conservative party that tries to take down affirmative action because they feel like it's reverse discriminatory or some shit. if it was something like that, making fun of those names that are actually like making jokes at the expense of white people [I think I should apologize in advance because technically this counts as a white people joke even if it's just an example] would make perfect sense. however I have not only seen posts in this template of ending with baby boomer names being used as tools to express their distaste in queerphobia, ableism, classism, xenophobia, and intolerance of other sorts, but I've made them before, and it has had not a god damn bit of racial connotation to it at all unless it's been specifically a black millennial on tumblr venting specifically about a white people-ism, and to make a post that shits on everybody who uses this template to cope if they're not black, and causes those kids who use it to cope to ask why not, and then get immediately shit on by assholes who treat them just like people are treating me, who tell them that it doesn't matter if they're neurodivergent or gay or trans or whatever because they're being Big Bad Evil Racists™ by ending their rant posts with names like becky, allison. I don't care if you're black. if you treat queer or disabled kids like shit and call them racist when they're not being racist, no matter what color your skin is, you're an asshole. and to act like fucking salem massachusetts when confronted with legitimate criticism of your ill-informed unbridled assault of an angry mama bear to queer and disabled kids, is just DISGUSTING. WEAK. and PATHETIC. and only serves to strengthen my points. so you know what, go ahead. keep sending me your hate anons. keep sending me the smarmy condescension. I can take it. just stop being fucking assholes to my family. your race isn't something I have any authority over but I won't let you use it as a weapon to beat people over the head with just because you get high off of the power you get from the veil of anonymity. false accusations of being a tier 6 skinhead is more palatable than telling us to kill ourselves.

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batslime · 7 years

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So on Circus of the Dead ( now that I’ve actually watched it )

Content warnings ahoy for lowly-to-moderately detailed discussions of acts including rape, torture, murder, cheating, ableism, reproductive violence, cannibalism, necrophillia, and general violence. That’s right, all that in more in one clown movie! Also pretty long.

I've talked about this briefly but as a sake of an example, even if he tortures them Pennywise isn't genuinely "evil"..... it literally exists to consume, it was created that way, it's not BETTER but humans are like day-old ants to this timelessly old entity. I don't know if I can really even find the focus on preying on mostly children since it's easier prey for it, and in nature, the young aren't spared. Because Pennywise ISN'T human, it's a primal beast that far PREDATES humanity. It only tortures them because it says it makes them taste better, and it feeds off their fears, not their bodies. It doesn't kill just to kill, and I'm kind of even on the fence about being able to call it malice. IT isn't good but I still wouldn't consider IT evil. This stuff is genuinely just its nature.

Papa Corn from Circus of the dead is what an EVIL character is. Papa Corn kidnaps, rapes, physiologically and physically tortures people before murdering them, sodomizing their corpses, and mutilating them, or letting one of his other clown goons eat it. And he does it all gleefully, he LITERALLY gets off when meditating it, he jokes it off because he doesn't even see it as more than a day's work ( "What are you gonna DO to her?" "I'm gonna do what I always do. I'm gonna rape her, I'm gonna slit her throat, I'm gonna feed whats left to my clowns." He starts this reply out shrugging, and uses a tone talking about his plans for the day going on a walk or mowing the lawn ).

One thing early in the film that fades in comparison to all this but that still sticks out to me is when Don, the main character who's held hostage by Papa Corn and the clowns at the expense of his family, is backstage with them after having his seat drawn for a prize. He doesn't actually suspect anything is wrong yet, but Papa Corn already slipped in a chipper "I'm going to kill your ENTIRE family!" that the clown brushed off as a mishearing, and is putting off creepy vibes. So in his discomfort Don makes a short joke about one of the other clowns played by a little person. Papa Corn goes off on a little passive-aggressive rant at this, using language not only that would be considered "politically correct" but actual medical terms. "Ah! I see, you've made a JOKE at my coworker's expense based on the fact that he's OTHERED from you! Well, I will INFORM you that Mr. Jumbo suffers from a genetic hormonal deficiency called DWARFISM. However, his sense of humor is quite intact, so I'm sure he'll still be able to appreciate the joke." That's heavily paraphrased, but what he says here is undeniably recognizing and chastising Don for mocking somebody's disability and going to the length of teaching him about it. This is even what I'd call a very good way to point out bigotry in a way to not start a scene, had it been in earnest- because Papa's next line after Don apologizes and tells him shamefully he didn't consider how disrespectful it would be Papa says "But he's a dwarf, so who gives a flying fuck what he thinks." And then forces out a very theatrical guffaw straight into Don's face.

Again, that bit is insignificant to all the shit that comes later in the movie ( and even some scenes beforehand ) that this character isn't "craaaaazy" or just saying and doing whatever, he's FULLY aware of right and wrong even to an extent a lot of people in our society aren't; the thing is he really DOESN'T care and really DOES find dehumanization and faking people out, misleading them to think they're safe or he's not evil, funny.

This is kind of solidified again in a pretty early scene where he's broken into Don's house and caught his wife, Tiffany. Tiffany is screaming "let me go! I wanna go!", and Papa Corn actually puts on this calmed down facade and the panicky music stops, in a now very average tone, "Oh. You wanna go?" "Y-yeah, let me go!" "Oh. You want to go. Well, I'm feeling generous today." He actually SHOOS Tiffany away, doing so again when she glances back several times in disbelief, before abruptly screaming and running after her again. He then laughs as he waves his crotch around in her face, sticks his gloved fingers up HERS to scold her on her cheating, then slicing her neck open in the following scene. This really solidifies two things: 1, Papa Corn really does just fucking love giving his victims a tiiiny bit of hope then just yanking it away from them, and 2, the writer is SOMEHOW aware of some horror tropes and manages to challenge them in a genuinely funny way, just to be totally unconscious of all the others he shoves into the rest of the movie.

And what makes this a BAD character ( not a bad person, he's already that and more ) is that despite practically BOASTING all this, when his hostage who he's forced into a night of watching him do all this shoots him at the first chance when the two are finally alone and Papa Corn is about to violate another random teenage girl who got dragged into this shit at the blink of an eye, Papa Corn pulls this "you're just like me" bullshit that I hate sooo much.

"Don. You shot me. Were you just going to leave me here to die? You tried to kill me... I'm so proud of you." Nothing makes a villain I hate more, and not in a good way, than being untouchable. I hate that he's written to still be smug and have the upper hand even after taking bullets through the chest ( and somehow lives, presumably without going to the hospital? To my further infuriation ), I hate when villains who are so PROUD of their villainy until somebody finally raises a hand against them try to use the "but I'm not that bad, because you are too". T's SO lazy, it's SO out of character, specifically for this guy who laughs in people's faces as he skins their face or watches his goons gut a pregnant woman or fuck a guy's wife's mutilated head in front of him while he talks about how she'd been cheating on him.

Papa Corn is a villain who's a prime example of a horrible, irredeemable, inhumanly EVIL person, who does what he wants not just with no regard to others, but to revel on their agony on every level he can possibly inflict. It's far, far overdone and this makes the film cheesy and almost even LAUGHABLE despite all the awful content, but this is what makes him a good VILLAIN- somebody who IS evil, not just really doing what they were made to.

And then he defends himself as "not that bad, because who isn't?", which shows total incompetence on the writer's part, and that that entire concept of what's actually evil about his character has gone totally over the guy's head, that it really is just all shit that he wanted to film people doing.

It's not the low budget, poor sound and picture quality, the admittedly ( slightly ) better than expected writing, and mostly amateur cast that makes Circus of the Dead a bad film, to me, it's all that shit. It's that all in all the "psych challenging message" here that it tries to play is that even people who admit they're evil and have fun doing it aren't ACTUALLY evil because everyday average people who do good and bad as part of their life do bad things sometimes too, but they're still going to suffer at the hands of the evil-not-evil characters BECAUSE of their wrongdoings.

All in all, after everything I've heard about Circus of the Dead, it didn't really challenge the low expectations I had for it, nor did it challenge all the bad horror/ "mindfuck" genre tropes it set itself up for. It feels like a chore to watch with little to no reward ( Don and his whole family DO all end up dead, and the whole clown gang gets away more or less unharmed. A 2nd one is confirmed to already be written but I really hope for at least the sake of realistic forces at least one of the clowns are killed in the next one ). If I do have anything to praise, it's definitely Papa Corn's snd Pepe the mime's designs, I really do love them and it makes up for the other clowns being ass ugly and tacky. Quite a few of Papa Corn's lines really did make me laugh too, when he's not the filthy example of the lowest form of shat you can still call a man, and even admittedly when he's killing actual assholes, he is pretty funny in his total indiscreetness.

As a sidenote though, genuinely, HUGE props to Bill Oberst Jr. for his sensational portrayal of this role. I've read a lot of reviews before seeing the film describing him as having a "switch" needed for playing Papa Corn's fickle and unpredictable sense of calm before the storm, and I agreed even just seeing the trailers, but there are some parts of the film it really feels so RAW and it kind of yanks you around in a sense. I've seen interviews with him and he's such a down to earth, proudly and happily religious guy with so much obvious humility and sense of bettering himself, it's kind of awe-striking hearing him talk about how he looked through the script and said "I NEED to play this". He's a phenomenal actor and even if not necessarily for this film I hope recognition for him skyrockets.

#i spent like an hour writing this but its really just a more detailed version of everything else ive said of this movie in passing #circus of the dead #ask to tag

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