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ballorawan740 · 3 years

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SCP Scenarios: SCP x Fem!Child!Hybrid!Reader

Requested by: @nightfoxyycats

I'm so sorry this took longer than expected T_T

(Yes Ik it's longer than the others I do, and that's cuz I usually end up mixing the headcanons into drabbles/one-shots, but this time, I kept it as bullet points and I got carried away. Oops. And yes, it's easier to write headcanons this way but it'll end up being long af)

When Cain first met you, he overheard and was curious about this new SCP during a test, so he decided to come and watch, from afar of course.

Anyways, the little test was just a plain and boring one and little (Y/N) was taken back to her containment cell after 10 minutes. Cain had requested to see you as he remembered seeing in your file that you can breathe fire and cry lava among other things due to your dragon abilities.

It's not like he didn't believe them since he's been in the foundation for many years, but he was just curious about a hybrid child like you and wanted to see if you were doing well. You being a shy child was quiet at first and when Cain went to visit you every so often, you both became close and he was a father figure to you, even though you were abandoned by your father since birth and your mother died not long later.

He took good care of you and made sure you were well fed. You were rather polite to the guards and staff so Cain wouldn't need to worry too much about you intentionally killing them. But only for a short period of time as who knows what you'll be like when you're older.

Luckily for Cain, you were also carnivorous, so he didn't have to worry about you eating your 5 a day (not that you wanted to anyways you ungrateful meat-eating child).

Whenever there's a containment breach, the first thing he does is to look for you

Aside from some side effects, he isn't worried too much as he wouldn't receive any wounds anyways so hell just charge towards anyone who looks/sound like you

He's basically your new dad ok?

SCP 076 (Abel)

Abel first came into contact with you during a containment breach

He just saw you casually flying around and occasionally lending the guards a hand by breathing fire just to burn some holes for easier access (how professional)

He saw you again moments later when you were alone and you decided to approach this hulk of a man to ask for some help, thinking he worked there. Abel had abandoned you (like your hopes and dreams left you a millennium years ago) but you insisted on going with him so he took you in

Later his rage in the facility had vanished as he had cared for you for the short period of time he had met you and handed you over to the guards, much to their surprise

He then ran away as he's not totally scared of kids or anything and hid in his box

You insisted on visiting 076-2 and so the researchers did, realising much later that you both had bonded. Abel was a parental figure to you.

A very overbearing protective guardian I must say.

Even more so when there's a containment breach

Like imagine 610 and 682 mashed up together to form an extremely hostile entity and that's Abel for you

But that's only if you were hurt, if you weren't or fit was just a normal containment breach, had be extremely worried

SCP 049 (Plague Doctor) (Guy's pls don't be mistaken, I don't have any beef with 049 ok? XD If I make any characters a little OC then 049 will gladly rid the pestilence from you without consent)

This sassy MF so-called doctor right here met you when for some reason, the doctors had decided to put you both into a testing room (no, it wasn't Bright's idea).

049 was just doing his thing as you just sat on a really high chair (cuz you do be short so ofc you wouldn't be sitting on a lower chair which is lower than your taste in men/women) and watched curiously. The doctor thought it was somewhat cute and laughed slightly from your curiosity.

Sensing that you didn't have the pestilence, he allowed you to scooch closer just to see. After the test was done, the guards took you back out with slight aggression, but you, for some reason, were still polite to the guards despite their aggression which made 049's heart swell due to your pureness.

You yawned slightly and accidentally blew out fire from your mouth which almost caused a containment breach if it weren't for 049's quick thinking

Later on, the researchers had decided to put you both in the testing room again, and you both began to bond as 049 requested you to burn the bodies he performed surgery on

Needless to say, you both had a great time and the researchers were mildly amused

If you somehow knew another friend (*ahem* 035), he'd probs ask him/her to care/loof for you if there were a containment breach

Or he would just sigh and look after you himself if you were closer to 035 and he asked so nicely

SCP 035 (Possessive Mask) (Right about 049 being sassy.... I'll take that back, 035 is the sassiest, right next to a certain sculpture in the foundation)

Anyhow, 035 was actually the reason you were stuck in the foundation anyways

God knows how, but you met this guy wearing this theatre mask and you ended up here in the foundation

Now everyone thought you were either a Keter or Euclid

I mean, you were so close to being put into the Euclid class but ended up in safe since you were so polite to the researchers as well as shy and relatively easy to contain... For now

Whenever they used you in a test, you were rewarded with whatever you wanted, within reason ofc, whenever you behaved well which was like 98% of the time minus minor accidents since you weren't entirely in control of your powers

Sometimes instead of a reward, you'd request to see 035 as he would perform to you and that was only granted when its safe to do so and when that hideous mask would do as he/she/it is told

035 would be that somewhat overprotective yet goofy uncle that everyone loved and he was totally wrapped around your fingers unless you were hurt or if he urgently needed something or someone

If there was a containment breach, he'd look for you, if not he'll call out his 'friend' to look out for you (*cough* 049 *cough*)

When 035 finds you, he'd most likely ask you to fly around to see the nearest exit or he'd just carry you when there's someone chasing you

If 035 were to kill anyone, you'd cry and tell him no to which did end up in burning the floor but oh wells, they're rich enough to contain him so why not use the extra money to rebuild the floor right?

Anyways, 035 loves you no matter what and he'd do anything to make sure you're doing well

SCP 999 (Tickle Monster)

Ok so, when you and 999 first met each other, you were kind of just wandering around the facility minding your own business

999 just casually slithered up to your leg and offered you some sweets and a hug since you looked upset and so you accepted it

You both found a place to sit and just talk bout stuff and what life was like before you were captured

But you were cheery just like 999 and rarely attacked anyone, and if you ever did, it was either that you were hella pissed or you accidentally breathed fire/teared up some lava which burnt some stuff

The researchers would secretly take in some notes bout your interactions and just continued on with their day and left you both alone, but would sometimes keep a stern eye on you

They say it's for everyone's safety, and that's true to an extent, but the main reason they do it is to monitor your progress of you controlling your powers

Anyways, sometimes when it gets busy in the cafe or down the hallway, you just fly across the room, and sometimes, you'll be extra cheeky and play hide and seek with the researchers

999 would occasionally join in but he's more like a worried older brother to you

During containment breaches, 999 would run around looking for you and when he did, he would check if you had any injuries

When you say you didn't, he was relieved but not for long since you mentioned bout making new SCP friends and he just died right there and then (not really)

SCP 682 (Hard to Destroy Reptile)

Similarly to Able, he'd be wary of you at first

Like, he can sense that you weren't just an ordinary child when you just appeared behind him

He was somewhat irritated when you followed him around, but you reminded him of 053, so he just let it slide and let you show some affection towards him

It's not like he didn't like it, he was just embarrassed

Anyhow, the researchers wanted to test how 682 would bond with you, so they made you meet up with him again but in his cell

You were both chatting like father and daughter and soon, everyone had found out that not only could you fly, you could also cry lava, which yes did burn a small hole on the ground and you could somehow breathe fire

You were also immune to the fire and lava so they decided to have a full-on body check and discovered that you were built similar to the komodo dragon with a side of 682 (XD Don't ask)

682 was left stunned, but luckily he didn't feel the need to run up the wall like that bunny

Like who tf invented a self-eating bunny?

Anyways, research shows that just like Abel, the giant lizard was very protective of you

The theory has it that you were somehow related to the lizard, perhaps he laid an egg before containment and some guy took it in and froze it then decided to hatch the egg

During containment breaches, he would basically rampage around the facility, killing anyone and everyone until he found you

And when he did, he would check on you like the amazing father he is and then carry on killing but was then stopped by you

So he would just carry you around until you fell asleep

SCP 105 (Iris)

I think Iris would be a good mother/sister figure when it comes to kids

It kinda came from the fact that Iris hangs out with Abel and Cain a lot, so it kinda just rubs off her

Her motherly/sisterly instinct just heightened when she first found you on a mission and she just took you in

It took a while to bribe the foundation that she kinda had custody

Not exactly custody, but she had a say when it came to your safety, especially the fact that you weren't exactly human and your appearance would cause a disturbance to others

I feel like Iris would be a stern yet kind guardian towards you, leaning towards the stern part since you're a child SCP and has fire breath and lava tears

Iris wouldn't be entirely bothered by you flying around, but she had to bribe the researchers and some SCPs to help you fly better

She would murder anyone who had to cry because they made you cry and cleaning up after your tears is such a mess considering that you have little control over them

Your fire breath on the other hand is slightly more controllable, but if you were hella happy or mad you'd breathe the fire and burn anyone/anything

Most of the time, its unintentional and you're usually sweet and kind towards anyone, so manners aren't a big thing for Iris to teach you

She'd even teach you some of the stuff she learnt/discovered and you'd just sit there being nosy and curious about everything

Like that one time, you almost caused a breach cus you were so curious and friendly that 682 was about to snap off your head and rampage out of the foundation

And don't even get me started with the brothers and 096, OML

Other than that, you both were like a family you never had :,) (You're welcome!!!)

During containment breaches, Iris would literally pick you up and run

Unless you weren't with her for whatever reason (Yes, you're attached to each other's hips... Don't lie, you love it!), she'd do anything to find you

If you were hurt, shed tend to your injuries immediately and lecture you about safety

If you weren't hurt, shed still give you a lecture, then pick you up and run

If you made friends on the way, she may or may not approve and bite of anyone head

And the foundation wouldn't want an Angry!Iris around

SCP 106 (Old Man)

This old man here is basically the definition of a cool uncle/granddad

Without a doubt, he'd go into his pocket dimension and comes back with a teddy bear or some sweets

He'd spoil you a lot and the foundation had enough of this cuz by the time you become an adult, you wouldn't be independent enough

Anyways, 106 would let you go into his dimension and practice your abilities there for the safety of others

The researchers would occasionally ask you to carry a camera with you just so they know what it's like in his pocket dimension

106 rarely gets mad, and even if he was, it'll be about someone trying to hurt you since you're too kind and shy to make him mad

You're even kind to the researchers and guards which is worrying to 106 as they might take advantage of your kindness (which may be true for some, but most of them are just glad you're kind since it makes their jobs so much easier)

Sometimes, you'd make things levitate which was a shock to anyone who walked by and witnessed this

But only for a few seconds though, so it's not much

106 would encourage you to use your telekineses and he'd attempt to train you

Which didn't work so well, so that sucks

During containment breaches, he'd use his pocket dimension to his advantage

He'd hide you in there just so you don't have to get hurt

If you weren't there with him, he'd kill and hunt down anyone who might know where you are

He'd make sure you weren't hurt otherwise he would go into scary uncle mode

If you weren't hurt, he would just hug you which stops you from crying lava

SCP 096 (Shy Guy)

Now what makes you and 096 a unique pairing is that you're both shy

The only difference is that you can speak but 096 kinda doesn't

But that's not a problem since you both just understood each other since day 1

I'd say 096 is that introverted uncle/cousin but he's kinda chill and sweet with you

As for containment breaches, the only difference with this tall guy is that not only will he kill anyone who sees his face, he'd also hunt down anyone who'd hurt you

096 has a newfound ability for this and the researchers were shocked when they first found out

A certain chainsaw loving doctor wanted to test it out himself but was stopped rather quickly by the other researchers

Anyways, one time you almost burnt down the foundation because 096 crept up behind you which scared you to tears

And you screamed as well which didn't help at all since you could breathe fire

Also, when you're not with 096, you'd use your levitating powers to grab lighter objects which did result in the objects falling onto your head

And this is why you need to train more, so then objects wouldn't be yeeted onto your tiny head and knock the nonexistent brain cells out of your nonexistent brain - Sorry not sorry (Ok so at least pretend to laugh)

If anyone bullied you and you didn't say a word, 096 would know and even if you tried to stop him, it wouldn't work

Unless you're in a life-threatening situation, but even then, he'd kill the guy

Dr. Simon Glass

Unlike the others on the list, you're the one who approached the doctor

Mainly because you were lost, but you were curious as well

Simon would probably be the best person to run into, other than Kondraki, but still

It's because he's a psychologist and still very much human (I mean, Kondraki's a normal human I guess, but he has those butterfly thingys)

Anyways, when he first saw you, you were in his office flying about and crying lava

Simon saw you and was shocked but attempted to calm you down and get you you sit with him for a bit, then call the others

But boy did that not work out, because this poor innocent boi was boutta get killed by your firey breath cuz he startled you too much

Bright, Kondraki and Clef just strolled in and saw the mess and even attempted to get you to chill, but this didn't work either

So poor Simon Glass had to find his way to get you to stop being so scared which obviously worked

You sat down with him and he let you doodle on a blank piece of paper

And being a good psychologist he is, he used psychological methods to get you to feel comfortable and to start talking to which you did

You were so polite he gave it to a chocolate bar, but instead of taking it off his hands, you used your telekineses to levitate it in your direction

Simon recorded what he had seen before letting the other researchers take you and offered to take you under his wing on the condition that you were you have a check-up every now and again

That wasn't much of a problem since you were so polite and chill - Usually

During containment breaches, he would make sure that you were safe first and it wasn't so difficult to deal with you since you were with him most of the time

When you're not with him, he'd be extremely worried like a mother hen and run in any direction that would take him to you

He'd be relieved to see you and if you were hurt, he'd bandage you up and try to not cry

If you've made new friends, he would be very happy about it - Unless it's a Keter or Euclid class

They'll be on his watchlist

Anyhow, Simon Glass is basically your mother and mentor

He'd teach you all the basics you'll need and help train you if he can (he'd most likely have to ask the other doctors and SCPs with some bribery)

Dr. Jack Bright

Our favourite doctor here would be that goofy uncle/dad

I feel that he'd sympathise with you since he's also an SCP (sorta) and he feels kind of trapped in the foundation

If you're lucky enough, Jack might be able to take you out for an hour for some fresh air

You'll automatically be under his wing and nobody will ever question it. Ever.

Although he may be goofy and does stupid things, he would be surprisingly protective and his fatherly instincts kick in right away since he first met you

He would allow you to use your powers to an extent and teach you how to use your power properly

You are well aware of his anomalous abilities with his neckless, so whenever Bright had to change bodies, you'd automatically know where he is (other than the obvious neckless thingy)

If there were to have a containment breach, Bright would panic but quickly become calm as that's the only way he could find you and keep you safe

When he finds you he would give you that lecture while finding any scratches on you

If you were to grow, he would give most guys the dad glare of the century and all those guys would run tf away cuz nobody messes with Bright's newfound daughter

I have high doubts that he would let anyone do tests with you when he's not there and even if he was, they would need his approval, so most of the time, you don't even need to worry much

Dr. Alto Clef

(OML Why do I keep adding new characters?! There's so much to write T_T)

Right, so when Clef found you, it was like as if his long lost (well... not so lost) memory came back to him

For some reason, you reminded him of 166 (OML I'm so lost for this SCP, like boi she had a rewrite)

So he took you in the foundation like he did with his daughter and took care of you Since he works for the foundation, he's not remotely terrified or anything, but he's curious about your abilities

And of course, you managed to use some of your abilities because of some SCPs and Bright Clef took you to meet 166 and you both showed your abilities and since 166 is older than you, she's probably trying to help you control your powers more

Which, of course, makes Clef a proud dad

If there were any containment breaches, he'd panicked but once he found you with his other daughter, he was relieved

166 made sure that you weren't hurt and if you were, you'd be bandaged up so Clef doesn't have to worry too much

Anyhow, if Clef decides to introduce you to the tiger doctors, he'd make sure Glass is the first since he's the most sensible person (but let's face it, he wouldn't admit it)

Then it'll be Iceberg, Coggs (that's his name right), Light and a couple others Bright and Kondraki would be last since they would be somewhat chaotic (mainly Bright) even though they're the fun uncle

Whenever Clef has a mission, he'd shove you to either 166 or Glass, if he's free, if not then it'll most likely be Light (and if she's also busy, then yall screwed)

And bless the guy who takes an interest in you when you become a teen cuz our messy boi would make sure that guy would suffer

Dr. Benjamin Kondraki

Ok let's face it, Kondraki would definitely be the mother hen of the dad world in the SCP Foundation

He's literally your mother, kinda like Glass but kinda not, ya know what I'm saying?

Like he'll feed your curiosity since many people around you wouldn't and you're an SCP so you're trapped in the foundation anyways

I'd say he's quite cautious and caring, obviously, but if he's out and about, he'd definitely let you go with him

Unless he's going out for a mission, then that's a definite no-no

He would let you hang out with the safer SCPs like 999 and maybe 166 if Clef is chill, but he has to let you hang out with her cuz she's the only other SCP who could help you get a grasp with your powers

Like how to not burn the bloody floor when you cry and stop breathing fire inconsistently by accident

An attempt was made when they try to train your telekineses but they'll have to wait till you're older

Since most of the time you're stuck with Kondraki, I don't think he'd be all too worried bout breaches, of course, he'd be worried about your safety, but you're there with him

If not then god knows what Kondraki would do

Like that one time, he begged Clef and Bright to look for you in which they did but then they made him do something for them in return

Let's just say, it wasn't pleasant at all, but it could be worse since Clef had a shred of sympathy left for the man and Bright just wanted chainsaws

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retrievablememories · 3 years

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picture me | johnny (m)

title: picture me pairing: vampire!johnny x black!reader genre: fantasy, romance, smut, fluff, angst summary: you meet a vampire-slash-photographer whose self-identity is increasingly lost to him, and you try to help him find some purpose again. word count: 18.3k warnings: age gap (cuz you know, vampires...but everyone is legal), mentions of discrimination/prejudice based on species, self-identity issues/self-deprecation, general angst, sheltered!reader, mentions of blood and drinking blood, oral sex (female and male receiving), fingering, thigh riding, loss of virginity, corruption kink, use of lube, unprotected sex (do not try at home), creampie, johnny is packing in this fic ok! a/n: today (the 28th) is my birthday, so i’m posting this 100% self-indulgent fic that i’ve been working on between requests since september. it was very hard to get johnny’s characterization right for this fic and idk if i actually succeeded but i’m not revising this for the 1000th time lol. i love this fic with my whole heart tho.

i haven’t seen many vampire fics that really explore the whole “doesn’t show up in mirrors/photos” concept (shout em out if you know em) and...there’s probably a reason for that, this shit is hard af to write and there are some logic issues but whatever 🤪

(the beginning quote is from “criminal,” stan taemin!!)

The moment I fall for you is the end of my innocence

—

He sits in the same coffee shop everyday, like it’s a habit he just can’t break. But who are you to judge? You’re there, too. Watching him like a creep. Or maybe like an interested coffee shop patron, trying to be discreet and failing at it.

He wasn’t hard to notice. You’d never been to this coffee shop before, but your friend recommended it to you mostly for their in-house-made pastries; she claimed the coffee was good, too, but she wasn’t much of a caffeine person. You decided to give it a try when you had time between classes and a moment to breathe, not needing to talk to this advisor or that professor.

You saw him immediately when you walked past the shop window. He was sitting at a table near the front, staring down at his phone with a small cup of coffee sitting in front of him. Its miniscule size was almost comical in contrast to his...everything. He was tall—that much was obvious even with him sitting down—and imposing, wearing all black. His hair was equally pitch-black, his bangs hanging to one side and the rest shaved in an undercut. If you didn’t know much better, you’d think you’d stepped back into 2007 and landed dead in the middle of the emo craze.

He was interesting to look at. Not in a bad way, but in a way you don’t see very often. Deciding to walk in before you made yourself look totally weird staring at him through the window, you’d stepped into the coffee shop, the small bell dinging above your head. A barista greeted you at your entrance. Out of the corner of your eye you saw the man, to your left, still looking at his phone.

You’d given your order and waited for it to be ready before taking it to a table on the other side of the shop. From that vantage point, you had a good view of the man. You tried to keep your eyes on your food and your phone, not wanting to spend the whole time looking at him, but it was a little hard not to.

When you took a bite of your pastry, you quickly discovered it was just as delicious as your friend promised—probably even more so. You made a noise of approval before you could catch yourself, and you glanced around the shop in embarrassment to see if anyone nearby noticed. Didn’t seem like it, at first. But then you glanced over to the man again only to find him looking at you below his eyelashes with a small, amused smile on his lips. He only kept his gaze on you for a second before returning to his phone.

What? You hadn’t thought you were that loud. How did he hear you from over there, and above the noise of the café? Even now, you remember how embarrassed you’d felt, ducking your head and looking away.

The man finished his coffee not long after that; he slipped his phone into his pocket and stood up. You glanced up only momentarily when he stood, but your eyes soon slid back to his form when you noticed something odd. On the wall behind him, there was a big oval mirror sitting pretty in its elaborate silver frame. He stood just a few feet in front of it, yet there was no reflection of him. The only thing you could see was the other side of the café reflected back, with another man sitting alone at a booth enjoying his own coffee. The tall man’s reflection was nowhere to be found.

That was when you figured he must be a vampire.

You’d never met one before. At least, you didn’t think you had until then.

Unbeknownst to you, vampires are notoriously able to blend in more easily than most other supernatural beings—until faced with situations like that one in the coffee shop. Ultimately, there’s no faking a reflection no matter how hard you try to remain inconspicuous.

The man had caught your eye again. Thinking back on it, you aren’t sure of what expression you had on your face or what it must’ve looked like to him. It must’ve been something akin to surprise, though; you weren’t quick enough to disguise your reaction at his lack of a reflection.

He gave you another smile, though it felt sadder than the previous one, and walked out of the store, the small bell on the door ringing at his departure. He disappeared down the street in a swirl of black fabric, almost like something out of a movie, and you watched him retreat until you could see him no more.

You scraped your index fingernail over the wood table your food was resting on, your mind whirring with all kinds of thoughts. Your interest was piqued. And yet there was no way for you to know if you’d see him again.

—

At least, that’s what you believed then. Luckily for you, your subsequent visits to the coffee shop have proven fruitful; the strange, tall vampire is there more often than not, always in the same spot in front of that same mirror. Sometimes he reads a book, other times he looks at his phone, and other times still, he stares out the window at the passersby.

He acknowledges you whenever he sees you, either with a nod or a smile. You’ve never spoken to each other, though you know what his voice sounds like from hearing him talk to the baristas. It’s a nice voice, rich and handsome like him, and you find yourself gradually wanting to hear it spoken in your direction. But you aren’t sure how to talk to him, or what you should say.

There’s a lot you want to know about him and his vampirism, but you don’t think it’s fair to bombard him with questions right after meeting him—if you could somehow work up the nerve for that first step.

When you were young, your parents made sure to keep you safely sheltered away from anyone who could potentially be a vampire or any other nonhuman being. This game kept up until you went to college, where they could no longer “shield” you. Because of their lifelong fear and disgust, your knowledge of nonhuman beings is scarce and mostly inaccurate.

The man’s skin isn’t deathly pale like you’ve heard others say vampires always are. It’s nicely tanned, in fact. Nor are his eyes red, or his canine teeth abnormally sharp. And obviously, he has no aversion to sunlight, otherwise he wouldn’t be out here during the day. The only visible marker of his inhuman nature is his lack of a reflection. Maybe he’s not a vampire at all? Maybe he’s another type of being entirely. That only makes you more curious.

It’s not rare to come across supernatural beings, but they only make themselves known if they want to, or if it’s imperative to their survival. Most of them would rather quietly assimilate amongst humans or stay safe and hidden within their own communities. Humans are still too judgmental towards those who are different from themselves for nonhumans to feel truly safe or welcomed—at least not on a global scale. Small pockets of communities forged with human allies are helpful and sometimes vital for survival, but not always enough.

These small tidbits of information cycle through your mind as September gradually bleeds into October. You continue watching the thoughtful man in the coffee shop and making up your own secret theories about his life. You haven’t told anyone from school about this, because you already know the reaction would be nothing short of awful. Your parents would only let you go to school at the one university in the city that explicitly didn’t allow supernatural beings; it goes without saying that your classmates don’t view them in a positive light.

Part of you feels like you might be breaking the unspoken rules just by being at this coffee shop all the time and allowing this man to take up space in your mind. But who will know what’s inside your thoughts except you?

One day, your friend decides to accompany you on your lunch break, finally stopping by the café she recommended to you. The man is already there, as usual, and he smiles slightly when you and your friend enter. She doesn’t catch this, too busy wondering what she’s going to get off the menu today.

“I haven’t been here in forever, I wonder if Sam still remembers me?” You know Sam to be one of the baristas there, having read it on their name tag before.

“I doubt there are very many people who’d forget you,” you answer.

When you both have your food, you take a booth farther away from where the man sits, though you can still see him easily from this distance. Your friend settles into the seat in front of you.

You try to keep things inconspicuous throughout your conversation, but you must glance over at him one too many times, because your friend eventually raises her eyebrows questioningly. She turns around in her seat, making it obvious that she’s looking, and you groan as you keep your eyes in the opposite direction towards the window.

“Who’s that guy you keep staring at?”

You cough. “No one.”

“He’s obviously someone. Someone interesting enough to hold your attention.”

“I don’t know the man,” you say curtly. You shuffle your napkin and spoon aimlessly, your nervousness rising. What if he has some kind of enhanced hearing and can hear what you’re saying right now? He definitely heard you make that noise that first day.

Your friend looks at the ceiling and blows air out of her mouth. “Whatever. I’ll find out who he is sooner or later.”

You take a sip of your drink and lower your voice to just above a whisper. Although you want to leave the subject alone, you’re curious about one thing. “You mean you’ve never seen him before? This café was your hangout spot before it was mine.”

She shrugs. “No, I think I would’ve remembered someone as...visually striking as him. Why are we whispering, anyway? It’s not like he can hear us above all this noise.”

You think to yourself, I’m not so sure about that, but you merely shake your head.

You spend a few more minutes talking before movement catches the corner of your eye. At this point, it’s practically a reflex for you to look in that direction. You try not to, but your friend has already caught you and turns her head to spy, too. The man has gotten up for whatever reason to say something to one of the baristas at the counter. Your gaze darts back to your cup after you’ve gotten your eyeful, but you’re nearly startled into dropping the cup at your friend’s gasp.

Oh. The mirror.

She grips the edge of the table. “He’s a vampire…?”

You don’t know what to say to that, and you feel oddly guilty for some reason you can’t pinpoint. Like you’ve been caught with your hand in the cookie jar. “U-um, I don’t know…?” You can hardly finish your thought before your friend is scrambling to grab her purse. She hurriedly stands out of the seat, tugging your arm as she does.

“Come on. We shouldn’t stay here.”

“Are you serious—?” You feel embarrassed heat rip through your body at her display; some other café-goers are already looking at her curiously, probably wondering what the hell she’s doing. She tugs more incessantly, and you already know she’ll get louder if you don’t get up now and defuse the situation. Leaving your half-full cup behind, you grab your things and follow her out of the store, keeping your eyes firmly on her back as you pass by the man. You don’t know if he looked up, or if he could sense the reason for your sudden departure—you’ve never left the shop before him until now—and you don’t want to know.

Neither of you talk until you’re well down the street and around the corner. “That wasn’t necessary,” you huff, your hands still sweating from the spiked adrenaline at suddenly being rushed out.

“Yes it was! We all know bloodsuckers and all these other weirdos are dangerous...even if they think they’re being well-intentioned by living among humans. I hope you don’t go back there.”

“Whatever...you’re the one who told me to visit the café,” you mumble, unable to muster up the energy to say anything more. You both know very well she can’t tell you where to go, but you hope she doesn’t mention this to your other acquaintances on campus and make it into a bigger deal than it is.

When you part ways with your friend and get back to your dorm, you realize you’re missing your planner. The planner with all your upcoming assignment dates in it. You sigh heavily and roll your eyes, knowing it must’ve happened in the chaos of her pulling you out of the shop. Maybe if you’re really lucky, it’ll still be there, picked up by an employee or simply left untouched. Knowing how many people go through that café in a day, you’re not optimistic.

For the first time since visiting the quaint little shop, you’re not anticipating returning and seeing the man again, afraid he’ll ignore you or look at you with distaste—like you’re just another unsympathetic human. And would he be wrong to think that? You’re only strangers to each other.

You try not to dwell on it too hard when you go to bed that night.

When lunch rolls around the next day, you hesitate a couple times on your way to the café, not wanting to show up. However, the desire to see what became of your planner pushes you forward. You don’t even have to stay; if it’s there, you’ll take it and leave. If it’s not—oh well. You can still leave. It’s not hard to buy another.

He’s there when you arrive, of course.

He nods at you when you step inside, though he doesn’t smile as he’s become accustomed to doing. You nod back, but you can’t ignore the renewed rush of embarrassment you feel. You linger at the entrance for a second longer, wondering if maybe you should say something. Apologize, even? But what if he really didn’t know what was going on yesterday? Then how odd would you look for bringing it up?

You decide to move on and go back to the booth to search for your belongings, but his voice stops you. This takes you by surprise.

“Did you come back for this?”

You turn to him to see him holding your planner in his hand. You stare, momentarily dumbfounded, and almost shake your head before realizing it is yours. Definitely the same sticker-covered, scribbled-all-over planner.

“Oh—y-yeah. Thank you.” He passes it to you, though you notice he’s very careful not to let your hands touch. You’re a little perplexed about why, but then the rumors about vampires having cold skin pop up in your mind. Maybe that’s actually true, too. “I usually don’t lose things so easily, but…” Your voice falters, and you don’t know how to finish that sentence without bringing up the other day’s events.

He doesn’t seem to mind as he replies, “It happens to all of us sometimes...I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my camera.”

“You take pictures?” you ask, a tinge of curiosity in your voice.

He nods. “I take photos of anything that interests me. Which often ends up being everything I see. I work at an art museum, so I guess having an eye for photography comes in handy.” He hesitates for a second, then says, “I could show you some?” He waves his phone, indicating that the photos are there.

“Oh, sure.” The man gestures for you to sit down in the empty chair in front of him, and you do so. He swipes through his phone a few times until he settles on what he’s searching for, then puts the device on the table and slides it to you. You lean forward to look at it and see that it displays an album full of pictures, simply titled with the emoji “🌌.”

“It’s okay, you can pick it up.” He chuckles. You pick up the phone and swipe through the numerous pictures. Many of them are nighttime shots of the moon, trees, half-empty streets, darkened storefronts. Others depict nature scenes at sunset or the beginning of sunrise, with the sky colored in darker hues. No matter what the subject matter is, they all look to be professionally taken, even for an iPhone.

“Wow, these are nice. You said you work at a museum…are you a professional photographer, too?”

The man shrugs, and as you look at his slight grin, you realize you still don’t know his name. “Something like that, I guess.”

“You should be if you aren’t already,” you say, looking through more photos. “I’m sure you’d make a lot of money.” When you reach the end of the album, you go to hand the phone back to him but realize he’ll probably want to avoid contact again, so you slide it across the table. He takes it and slips it into his pocket.

“I don’t really care about the money,” he responds. “I just like it because…” He trails off, unsure how to convey his thoughts, wondering if he should even get that personal with a stranger. “It...helps me pass the time.” He’s not quite satisfied by that answer—it doesn’t feel like enough—but it’s all he can think of on the spot.

“Well, that’s nice too. It’s always good to have a hobby just for the sake of it...not for anyone’s benefit but your own.”

“Do you have one?” He takes a sip of his coffee. You don’t expect to be asked about your own interests, and your mind goes blank as you try to think. Why does this always happen when I’m asked these kinds of questions?

“Um, just different things here and there.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he says, amused.

“It’s not that, I just don’t have a ton of hobbies or anything. I’m kinda boring, so…” And wasn’t allowed to do much of anything until I left home.

“Being boring isn’t always a bad thing.”

You lean back in your seat, shrugging slightly. “Maybe if you see it that way. My friends don’t.”

“Would one of those happen to be the same one who dragged you out of here yesterday?” He speaks casually, putting his cheek in his hand. You slump further down in your seat, feeling exposed. Of course there was no escaping this topic. He notices your mood shift and shakes his head. “You don’t have to feel so bad about it. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last.”

“I’m sorry for all that mess,” you murmur, unable to meet his eyes. “Really, I am.” You stand up from the seat, gripping your planner. “Thanks again for this. I don’t want to take up any more of your time today.” You’re about to turn to leave when he speaks again.

“You don’t have to be afraid of me, you know…you could talk with me whenever you feel like it.” That’s the last thing you expect him to say. His voice takes on a quality that’s...not what you’d call begging, but it’s clear he’d enjoy some company. Maybe he’s doing this for your benefit as well as his own, because it’s obvious how your eyes always stray to his little corner.

You nod, giving him an apprehensive smile. “I’ll keep that in mind, then.”

The rest of your day after that is uneventful, full of classes and unexciting lectures, but you keep thinking of one thing. Though he appears to enjoy his time in the coffee shop, how lonely must he really be? There’s never anyone else around him. His eyes when he’d spoken to you held a certain sadness.

And you still didn’t get his name.

You don’t see him for the next few days, mostly because you aren’t at the café. You’ve gotten busy with a new project and haven’t had as much time to return to the coffee shop, mostly spending your time in the library instead.

When you finally get a chance to buy lunch outside campus, he’s not there. This disappoints you more than you thought it would, and you wonder what his absence means. Did he just decide not to come today, or has he found another place to frequent? You kind of hope the second option isn’t the case, though you also don’t know why you’re even caring this much about where someone else goes on their own time.

You get a drink to-go this time, deciding you’ll just take it back to the library and continue your studies there. The entryway bell rings behind you as you wait for your order to be made, though you don’t pay it much attention; half of your mind is still occupied with what you need to do next for your project.

When you turn around to leave the shop with your drink, you’re surprised to see the man standing there, waiting to get his own coffee. “You’re late,” you blurt out. You immediately feel silly for saying it, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

He gives you a slight smile. “Yes, I am.” Then he spots your to-go cup. “Are you leaving?”

“Uh, well,” you glance at your drink, “are you staying?”

He nods as he steps up to the counter. “Yeah, I’m staying. My offer’s still open, by the way.”

Right. The offer to talk to him sometimes. You’re tempted to stay awhile and talk to him now, though you don’t even know what about. Your project? That’s boring. Him being a vampire? Too invasive. Your school? Also boring, and probably not the best idea considering which one you attend.

“I...think I’ll stay, then.”

You both sit at his usual table, with you grinning nervously.

“How are you? I noticed you hadn’t showed up in a while,” he asks, settling back in his chair.

“Yeah, I’m doing fine, I’m just busy with school stuff. These teachers don’t give us a break.” You laugh a little, shaking your head.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He grins. “I never did go to college, but I’ve always heard others talk about how tiring it is. And expensive.”

“They’re right.” You roll your eyes at the thought of it. “But I guess it’ll all be worth it in the end. Maybe. If the economy isn’t in the toilet.” The sound of his laughter is nice, and you’re glad you could make him laugh. “Also, I’m sorry—I don’t know how this flew under the radar, but I don’t know your name.”

He shrugs. “Nothing to apologize for, really. It’s Johnny.”

You tell him your name, too. “Since I haven’t seen you lately...how are you doing?” You circle your hands around your to-go cup, feeling its warmth transfer to your palms as you await his answer.

“I think I can say I’m the same as always—which is fine. Life slows down a little when you have a lot of time on your hands.” Johnny’s lips quirk up at that, and you think he might be referring to his vampirism. Your eyes widen a little.

“What’s that like? Having so much free time. I wouldn’t know much about that right now, but…”

“Maybe not as pleasant as you think it’d be. But there’s good in it. Like coming and going when you want to. And you can take up whatever interests you want without worrying as much about busy schedules.” You already know he’s alluding to his photography. “I do like having a job, though…it gives me structure.”

“You’re probably right…I wouldn’t know the first thing to do if I had a ton of free time…like, which hobbies to pick up first.” You consider how you initially thought about him being lonely and wonder if that’s one of the unpleasant parts he hinted to. “Speaking of hobbies...did you take any new pictures lately?”

Johnny nods. “Most of them were on my camera this time, but some are on my phone. You want to see?”

“Yes!”

Johnny lets you have his phone again to look through the newest pictures he’s taken. There are varying shots of car-lined streets and storefronts, some of the latter decorated with glowing jack-o-lanterns for the onset of October. A pigeon sits on a streetlamp during the daytime, holding its head up like royalty upon a throne. In another image, a stray cat and her kittens huddle in an alley, the babies grooming each other while the mother looks quizzically at the camera.

You recognize a few photos from the nearby park; he also had some pictures of it the last time you looked. “Do you go to this park often?”

“Yeah, it offers some great shots. It’s especially pretty if you go just before the sun sets...the light filters through the tree leaves and it looks kinda like a kaleidoscope.”

“Ah, I’ve never seen that before…” you say a little sadly. Your parents didn’t much like taking you to that park when you were younger because of how far it is from their house. And since living away from them, you’ve only been able to visit it during the early hours of the day—like now.

Johnny looks closely at you. “Would you ever want to?”

“If it’s as pretty as you say, I should.” You slide the phone back across the table to him, not catching what he’s trying to hint at as you keep talking. “Do you go anywhere else besides here and the park?” As soon as you say it, you realize this might sound a little rude and try to make a quick save. “I mean, do you have any other favorite places? I’m not trying to say you don’t have a life or anything!”

Johnny laughs at your slight panic at thinking you’ve offended him. “Nothing too out-there, I guess. The bookstore, the photography store, the theater. Pretty much all the same places others visit.”

“The movies are fun.” You trace your finger across the table’s surface, thinking of your own favorite spots. “Me and my friends like to go downtown. There are a lot of cute little shops down there…”

You and Johnny talk for a while longer, and you almost forget you have to get back to campus until you glance at the wall clock. “Oh no, I’m gonna be late.” Flustered, you jump out of your seat and crumple your empty cup. “Sorry to cut it short, Johnny, but I gotta go back now.”

He smiles good-naturedly and nods, his dark bangs sweeping his face. “I understand.” As he watches you gather your things and get ready to go, he speaks up again. “Actually, if you want to see the park at sunset sometime...I could show you? It’s up to you.”

You pause, suddenly curious at the thought of seeing him outside the café. In the back of your mind, you feel a little paranoid and afraid of your friend or maybe even your parents seeing you there with him, though the latter is extremely unlikely. It’s hard to shake that familiar fear of judgment and ostracism when it’s been ingrained in you since childhood. “That sounds good. If it’s not any trouble for you…?”

“Never too much trouble. I usually get off around 4 on Fridays, just before the sun sets at 5. Unless the weekend is better for you?”

You nod, holding your books tighter to your chest. “Friday will work for me! I’ll meet up with you then.”

Johnny smiles. “Great; I’ll see you then, kind stranger.”

Maybe he says it to be joking or quirky, to sound like one of those characters in a movie or drama, but it makes you smile. Nodding to him again, you step out of the café and rush towards the direction of your school. Johnny watches as you retreat, your roles reversed.

You meet up with Johnny at the park that Friday, just as you both agreed. You spot him sitting on a bench near the park entrance, waiting on your arrival.

Johnny’s wardrobe is still mostly dark, but it’s a little lighter than usual today. He’s changed things up with a white polo shirt underneath his black sweater. Seeing him dressed like this, you wonder what he’d be like as a student, or maybe even a university professor.

He stands up when you get closer, hearing the sound of your footsteps approaching and turning towards you. His camera sits safely around his neck, the lens catching in the light of the sun.

When you stop in front of him, he smiles at you warmly. You try to relax into the genuineness of that smile and ignore the still-lingering traces of anxiety about being out with him. “Hi, Johnny!”

“Hi, Y/N.”

You and Johnny walk around the park as he looks for something interesting to shoot. He snaps a few shots of the trees, fallen leaves, bushes, and other natural elements along the way, though it seems like he hasn’t quite captured what he wants yet.

“Are you looking for something specific?” you ask, peering at his camera as he holds it in his hands.

“There’s an aster bush around here,” he responds. “It hadn’t fully bloomed yet the last time I was here, but it should be open by now.”

It turns out he’s right as you two finally come up on the bush. Its blooms make bright purple smudges against the rest of the landscape, which is a monochrome red-and-orange palette from the leaves changing their hues. You watch as he comes up to the bush carefully and quietly, like it’s a small animal he’s afraid to scare away. Johnny is very attentive while taking pictures of it, always conscious of getting the correct lighting and securing the exact angles he wants to capture. “Compassionate” is not a word you’d usually associate with the act of taking photos, but that’s the only word you can currently think of to describe this display. He treats the flowers with a peculiar sense of respect, as if they’re a human subject.

After he’s gotten the images he wants, Johnny offers you his camera to take a few of your own. You’re anxious about holding his prized possession and are afraid you’ll find a way to mess something up, but he promises you it’s fine. You take a few shots of the sky, still with a few wisps of clouds left, and a nearby tree that’s almost stripped bare of leaves. You know the shots will probably end up blurry from your unsteady hands, but Johnny tells you you’ve done a good job anyway.

Something about getting his approval makes a pleasant warmth settle in your chest.

As you both walk down a long trail, you finally ask him, “Sorry if this is invasive, but I was wondering how old are you? Like...as a vampire.” Your voice becomes hesitant on the word vampire, even though you’re the only two in this part of the park.

He chuckles a bit. “I’m 85.” You try not to look surprised. “I’ve been turned for 60 years. Old, but probably a little younger than most vampires you’d think of.”

“Kinda,” you say quietly. “They’re always like 2,000 years old in movies.”

“The ancient vampires are purebloods. They keep to themselves and avoid mingling with turned vampires, let alone humans. Some people are even skeptical if they exist. Supposedly, they use humans as servants or blood banks.” He gives you an apologetic look after saying this, though you don’t really know why. You don’t get the feeling he’d do that to another being, but he is still mostly a stranger... “At least, that’s what my mentor told me.”

Your curiosity is roused at all this new knowledge. “You had a mentor?”

“An older woman. She was also a turned vampire.”

“Turned, huh…”

Johnny nods, toeing at a small pile of leaves on the ground. “She went away eventually, said people are meant to pass in and out of each other’s lives. I don’t think she ever had intentions to stay. But I enjoyed her company while she was there.” Johnny stops at a short bridge above a small manmade lake, and you both look down into the water.

You place your arms on the bridge railing so you can lean over more. You notice he doesn’t have a reflection in the water, and this startles you more than you expected. Before meeting this strange man, you’d never thought much before about why vampires don’t have mirror reflections, but it seems even more unnatural to see this phenomenon happen again in the lake.

You find yourself looking at the side of Johnny’s face, trying to read his expression as he peers into the water’s depths. He turns to you, and you flinch at being caught staring, but he only smiles slightly. You force yourself to form words and break the silence. “What—what did you do after she left?”

“Lived on my own. She taught me a lot of things to help me live independently as a vampire, so it wasn’t too difficult to get along without her...but emotionally? A different story.”

“You sound like you had a very close relationship with her.”

“Yes. Quite close…” Johnny’s tone suggests something deeper, more intimate than a regular friendship. You feel a bit astounded at the idea of him having an older, more worldly lover while being only a newly changed vampire. Your reaction makes you feel foolish, inexperienced. Still, you can’t help imagining a scenario of them living in a big, dark mansion somewhere in the mountains, rolling around in a bed with bloody red sheets—and maybe drinking from the occasional naïve, misled human hiker.

Strangely, too, you feel jealous at his freedom, his ability to go wherever and do whatever with whoever he wants without overbearing relatives always just a step away.

You continue staring at the ripples as they circle in and out of the water’s surface, the motions triggered by a small orange leaf falling into the lake. You’re unsure of what could be the right thing to say to his admission, so you blurt out whatever comes to mind next. “You said she taught you to live independently as a vampire. What does that mean? How do you get...you know. Blood?”

“There are ways,” Johnny says cryptically, which makes your own blood rush faster. He turns to you with a grin, like he finds your naivety endearing. “It’s nothing drastic, though. At least, not for me. I never drink directly.” It does make sense that there are other ways to drink human blood without taking it straight from their necks, though you can only speculate on which methods he prefers. “Drinking directly is lethal, and often not worth it.”

“So, it’s true that vampire bites can kill?” You watch as Johnny pushes himself off the railing, and you follow him as he continues down the trail.

“It’s not false. But it’s never really that simple.” Johnny’s answer is mysterious, and he doesn’t elaborate further. He turns to you. “Where did you hear that, anyway? Your university? The one that bans all nonhuman beings?”

“You know where I go to school?” You feel embarrassed, thinking he must assume you’re like the rest of the student body who hates nonhumans but still nurtures an odd obsession with them.

“I saw it on your notebook one day, the school insignia. I’m not a stalker, by the way.” You laugh only slightly, and Johnny seems crestfallen when he notices your apprehension. “I don’t care if you attend school there. Just because you do doesn’t mean you think the way they do.”

“You must think I’m some weird opportunist, then,” you mutter, heat finding its way to your face. “Asking you all these questions...I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think anything except that you’re a pleasant person to be around.”

You’re quiet for a moment, letting the compliment sink in. You think you should probably give him one of his own, but before you can, he says, “Look. The sun’s already setting.” Just like he told you before, the dying rays filter through the tree leaves and create impossibly intricate patterns on your surroundings. You hold your hand out and watch the latticework that the leaves create dance over your open palm.

You let Johnny take a picture of your hand with the tree shadows flitting over it, but you shy away from the camera’s lens when he points it higher to your face, a questioning look in his eyes. “Maybe some other day.”

You walk around for a while longer until the sky bleeds into a dark purple. “I guess I should be going soon. It’s getting late,” you say, though you’re also a bit sad over your evening with Johnny meeting its end.

“Do you want me to take you back to campus? You shouldn’t walk back alone. My car is just in the parking lot there.” He points to it where it sits in the distance.

You look at Johnny with a confused gaze. “But you can’t come on campus. They have...things to ward off vampires.” Like gates made of pure silver, displaying intimidating, elaborately designed crosses. You don’t know if any of it actually works, but it’s probably better not to find out.

Johnny doesn’t seem bothered by this information. “Yeah…I know. I can just drop you at the street across from the main gate.”

You hesitate a moment longer but eventually agree. He is right; you’d rather not walk alone at night, and getting a ride with him is better—and cheaper—than calling for a rideshare.

The ride to the college is fairly quiet, with the radio filling the silence. It’s not an awkward type of stillness, at least, which you’re grateful for.

As he said he would, Johnny parks on the side of the street that sits in front of the main gate, just outside the immediate vicinity of the campus. The metal crosses stare back at the both of you, glinting in the light of nearby streetlamps. You turn your face away from them, biting the inside of your cheek.

You unbuckle your seatbelt. “Thanks again for the ride. I guess I’ll see you back at the shop next week, yeah?” Again, you get the urge to say something, anything, to remedy or cover up the foreboding source of discomfort sitting just in front of you, but there’s no one sentence you could say to wipe away decades of hatred.

Johnny nods and smiles, and still he shows no signs of being disturbed. He doesn’t cast another glance at the gates. “It’s no problem. See you then.”

You get out of his car and cross the street to get inside the gate; it’s early enough in the evening for it to still be open. Any later, and it’d be locked shut to even humans. You risk another wave at him before turning back around and heading for your dorm, which sits a few yards from the entrance. Johnny lets the car idle on the side of the street until you’ve walked into the dorm, and only then does he drive away.

It doesn’t take very long for you to warm up to Johnny inviting you to other places. The next time you and him go somewhere other than the coffee shop, you accompany him as he buys some film for his camera on one of his free days. You don’t know a ton about photography, so you’re more than happy to let him tell you all about how film works and why he buys certain kinds over others.

The place he frequents is a specialty photography shop that still carries older varieties of film—ones that fell out of favor once digital cameras became a thing. The store looks noticeably old, but not in an unkempt or decrepit way. You can tell it’s been around for a while, holding all kinds of history in its structure.

“There are so many different types.” You look over a shelf of film rolls in awe. “How can you tell them all apart?”

Johnny laughs. “It gets easier if you’ve been doing it for a while…or a few decades.” He picks one up from a row of them and holds it in front of you. “35mm is the most common type, which is what you’ll find the most of when you look through any film shop. That’s what I use.”

He sets that one down and walks past another display of film rolls, gesturing toward them. “There’s also 120 and 220 film formats here…those work for even older cameras, sorta like ones you’d see in 1930s movies. You can even turn a film camera into a digital camera.”

You nod to his words, looking over what seems like millions of film canisters—and occasionally glancing at the lines of his broad back as he walks ahead of you. “You should teach a photography class. I’d be more willing to listen to you than some old professor.”

Johnny snickers. “Huh, I don’t know. Not a professor, but I am old.”

You both continue walking through the store, with Johnny giving you the rundown on every item that catches your interest.

Like the coffee shop, there’s another mirror in this store. Many more, actually—there are whole rows of them on a series of shelves, all in varying sizes and shapes. They create a fragmented view of your form as you stand in front of them, though you don’t initially realize you’ve crossed into their glassy line of sight. You’re busier with looking at a roll of film Johnny’s handed you. When you notice your reflection shifting in your peripheral view, you look up.

Johnny’s only a few feet behind you, and you know this because you can hear him and feel his presence. Yet, it’s strange to see yourself as the only person in the aisle.

Eventually, he notices what’s got you preoccupied and comes to stand next to you. Though you see him clearly in front of your eyes, there’s no trace of him in the glass reflections.

Suddenly, you’re hit with the aching loneliness of it—how it must feel to never see yourself. You can see him with your own eyes, and so can everyone else who encounters him, but what must it be like to be virtually invisible outside of other peoples’ perceptions of you? You almost feel utterly alone even though you know he’s beside you.

Noticing your sudden melancholy, Johnny takes the film roll from your hand and tosses it up in the air, making it look like it’s moving on its own in the mirrors. He means to lighten the mood, if only to see the cloudiness disappear from your expression. It works to a degree, though you still feel downcast deep below.

“It’s not good to dwell on it.” Johnny presses the film roll back into your hand, still carefully avoiding skin contact. He has no problem meeting your eyes, though, and you shyly look away from his dark gaze after a few prolonged moments.

“You’re right,” you say softly, turning back to the aisle and away from the rows of mirrors.

—

You and Johnny head to the coffee shop after your trip to the photography store. Once you get your drinks and sit down in your usual spot, he speaks suddenly. “Something’s wrong.”

Your eyes dart around the shop, thinking he’s referring to one of the patrons around you. “What? What’s wrong?” Your voice comes out a bit panicked. He doesn’t want to laugh, but he does.

“No, I mean...something’s wrong with you. You seem far away.”

“Oh…” You wonder if you should even bring it up and potentially ruin the mood. But you have been curious for weeks now, and you don’t think you’ll get a trustworthy answer by asking anyone other than him. “I just...I was wondering why you don’t have a reflection. I know it’s a vampire thing, but I’ve never really known why...you don’t need to answer, though. Like you said, it’s not good to dwell on it.”

Johnny makes a motion like a half-nod once your question is revealed, his eyes darting to the window and back to the table. His fingers trace across the rim of his coffee cup, a thoughtful but stormy expression on his face, and you’re afraid you shouldn’t have reawakened this topic. “You know...being undead means being in two places at once.”

“Two places?”

“We are caught between the living world and the world of the dead. Something that’s not really supposed to exist, yet…” He’s quiet for a moment. “You can only imagine the kind of issues and side effects that can cause. One of them being no reflection.”

“I never thought of it like that,” you say. “Two planes of existence...what does it mean to be a part of the world of the dead?”

“Our blood runs slower. Ours is more like sludge compared to yours. The heart beats only a few times per minute. Don’t need to eat or sleep, either, though many vampires still do.” Johnny pauses. “How much do you really know about vampires?”

“I don’t know much about any of this...stuff.” You gesture vaguely, meaning all supernatural beings and not just vampires. “No one ever told me these things growing up, and it’s hard to tell truth from fiction at school. People will say anything, horrible things, and you just take it at face value, I guess. I never really thought to try to find the reality.” You sigh. “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person in the world who doesn’t know anything.”

“Learning is good. You can always learn. I don’t think it’s too late for that.” Johnny’s voice is a little lighter. “Anyway, everyone’s knowledge is different. Sometimes it slips my mind that everyone doesn’t know what it’s like to live as a vampire, though the world never lets me forget for long.”

“Then…do you hang out with other vampires who do understand? Or…maybe humans who can sympathize?”

Johnny gives a humorless laugh. “Most humans are hesitant to interact with us, if not full-out terrified or disgusted. At the museum...it’s less pronounced because all the employees already know. They…tolerate it. But every time someone else realizes what I am and doesn’t take well to it?” He shakes his head, acts like he’ll say something else, and then abandons that line of thought. “And do you really think I’d want to spend my free time around other bloodsuckers?” He tries to play it off as a joke, but you’re more inclined to think he actually feels that way. You can only nod, feeling bad for him but also a little disturbed by his view of his own kind.

“I think you’re a kind person, and you being a vampire doesn’t affect that,” you say hesitantly. “I like talking to you. And even if you feel that way about other vampires, I…wish you wouldn’t feel that about yourself.”

Johnny remains quiet, but he nods. You wonder about the struggle occurring in his mind. The only outward hint of his uneasy state shows in the furrow of his eyebrows and the tense set of his mouth. With his right hand resting on the table, he rubs his fingers together absentmindedly, like he’s analyzing your words. You have a sudden and startling desire to hold his hand, to twine your fingers together and feel his skin on yours for the first time, but you don’t dare cross that boundary.

He finally replies with, “You’re much kinder to me, an old and bitter vampire, than you probably should be. But maybe that’s a good thing about you.”

“I think it’s a good thing,” you agree, your voice low. “Every living being needs companionship. Good companionship, anyway.”

The corners of Johnny’s lips shift in something reminiscent of a smile. He turns a rueful gaze once again to the window, lifting his coffee cup to his lips. “Aren’t I lucky to have yours, then.”

On a day when you don’t have as many responsibilities to juggle, you visit Johnny at the art museum after his working hours are up. He’d already invited you to come to the museum any day you felt like so he could show you around.

When you get there, he’s waiting in the visitor’s lobby for you, framed by receding sunlight as the day starts fading into night. He looks the same as he always does when you see him in the café on his lunch breaks, but within the context of the museum, he suddenly seems more…alive? Vibrant? He could’ve served as a muse for one of the many statuesque, perfectly proportional sculptures in the museum, and you’d never know anything different.

Your heartbeat increases at the sight of him, just enough to be outside the normal range.

“Hi, Johnny. I hope your day went well?”

“It was fine, nothing too crazy. But it’s better now.” And he smiles at you, sincere enough to make your heart ache.

“Oh—that’s great.” That’s it? You scold yourself internally, but you aren’t quick enough to think up a witty reply to his comment before the topic shifts.

“Is there anything in particular you wanna see first?” Johnny asks, leading you further into the museum.

“I guess I hadn’t thought too deeply about that…do you have a favorite exhibit? I want to see what you like.”

Johnny smiles faintly. “Let’s see, then.”

The dark-haired man takes you to a section of the museum filled with oil paintings, all by one singular artist. At first, all you see is varying shades of black and gray and red, with some white splashed in between. When you begin looking at the paintings more closely, it’s easier to see that each one depicts a different scene of chaos. Maybe a sort of organized chaos, but disarray all the same.

There is one picture that holds a clearer subject than the rest. One of the oil paintings is of a vampire—obvious by the fangs—with bloodied lips and anguished eyes. You pause when you catch sight of it, your steps stilled by the sheer frenzy in the other being’s painted eyes. Their hands reach out for the viewer as if begging for an escape that can only be provided by whoever’s observing.

“This one was painted by a fellow vampire, you know. The same one who did all the rest of the paintings in this gallery,” Johnny explains. He points at the placard next to the painting that displays the artist’s name and a short description of the piece. The word fellow comes off his tongue wrapped in cynicism. “And it was one of the ones I personally chose for this exhibit.”

You glance at him, a tinge of surprise blooming in your chest. “Really?”

He nods. “Who better to depict the ills of vampirism than a vampire themselves? I thought it was a…fascinating change of pace from all the humans who try and fail to do so, ironic as that is.”

If you look at the painting for long enough, you think you can recognize sadness in the corners of the vampire’s eyes—pure, unadulterated sadness. Different from anguish or panic. A similar mask of sadness you’ve seen on the man next to you.

You say nothing for a while. You simply feel the painful throb of your heart in your chest and listen to the small sounds around you. Even now, there are still other people exploring the museum and walking through this very exhibit, but you can’t hear or see any of them. Johnny notices the disconcerted look on your face, and his forehead creases. “But I’m sure you want to see something less…morbid than this, right? Come on.”

“Uh, I-I don’t mind,” you insist, even though you feel like you’ve just awoken from a painful trance by the sound of his voice. But he’s already gesturing for you to follow him elsewhere.

The next set of paintings you end up in front of are a series of sunflower studies. One frame depicts the long green stems; another provides an up-close view of their lined petals. One zooms in close on the flower’s brown center, only small glimpses of yellow left at the edges of the frame.

“This is definitely very different.” You look at him, a small smile pulling at your lips. “But it fits you. I see why you like it.” You remember him back in the park, taking careful pictures of the aster bush and of your hands…and then offering to take one of you. You don’t know why that last one makes your stomach jump.

“I thought you might like it.” Johnny’s eyes linger on your face as he observes your reaction to the paintings. He’s seen these flowers probably a hundred times by now in this permanent exhibit, but the wonder in your expression is new to him.

—

You both walk through a few more exhibitions after that, all with different subjects and mediums—some consist of sculptures, others are clay vases and figures. There’s still a lot to see in the museum, but you’re starting to get hungry, and you know Johnny has already heard your stomach growling.

After the 2nd time it happens and you think you might melt from embarrassment, he grins at you and makes a suggestion. “Let’s go to my office. I’ll get my things and we can eat. The restaurant here is pretty good—or at least that’s what everyone else says…”

When you get to his office, you feel almost like you’ve stepped into a room from years past. Your gaze drifts across his desk immediately; it’s not sleek and modern like you’d expect, considering the rest of the museum’s aesthetic, but wooden and heavy and vintage-looking. It’s olden quality resembles everything else in his personal space. Even his desk chair, a big and plush thing, feels vintage with its soft leather and rustic design.

This feeling is far from a bad thing, though. You enjoy the aged look of the bookcases, the picture frames, the chairs, the small decorations here and there—everything about this room.

Johnny notices how you look around, studying everything in sight, and smiles. “It’s not the most modern, but I like it.”

“It’s perfect. Like a world of its own.”

“A woman of taste, I see.” Johnny puts a hand over his heart, giving an expression like he’s truly touched, and you can only grin sheepishly. When he has his belongings, he leads you out and locks the door behind him.

“Let’s see what they have on the menu today, then.”

—

You get dinner at the museum’s restaurant, just as Johnny recommended, and he even decides to eat too. Maybe he does it so you won’t look odd being the only one eating, or because he really just wants to; he doesn’t let on. Either way, sitting across from him like this in a fancy restaurant with both of you having a nice meal feels almost like a date. You let that thought amble around for a few minutes longer before tucking it back into one of your mind’s many small niches.

“I’ll probably be digesting this for the next few weeks,” he says jokingly, pulling a mock-disappointed face at his plate.

“That sounds like the worst constipation in history.” He snorts at your comment, his eyes creasing as he laughs. You notice he has a dimple when he smiles, and your grin mirrors his. You don’t think you’ve seen him laugh quite so genuinely before, but now that you’ve experienced it, you want to hear it again and again.

Anything is preferable to the perpetual gloom, always slinking around the corner.

—

When Johnny gets back home after dropping you off at the university, he undresses himself and showers and pulls on his bedclothes, which are nothing more than his underwear and a pair of sweatpants. His upper canines ache in his gums the entire time he goes through these motions, like two pulses of red-hot heat positioned on either side of his mouth.

He takes a blood bag from the fridge and drinks it in bed, leaning his arms against his knees. A sudden remembrance manifests itself in his mind; he hears the hazy echo of his mother’s decades-past voice in his head, reprimanding him for eating in bed. A sharp pain grips his chest, and he tries to send it back to the depths where it belongs.

When the blood hits his stomach, the pain is eclipsed by the bloodlust, which is no better. His fangs drop immediately, spiking into his lower lip. Johnny closes his eyes and, very gingerly, allows himself to draw a picture of you in his mind, of your blood in his mouth and your heartbeat roaring in his ears. The way your blood would flow out so delicately, crashing into his tastebuds like the high tide. He is usually better than this at curtailing his bloodlust, not even letting it reach the point of his canines hurting—he can’t remember the last time that’s happened—but being around you sets him on edge. Awakens him in some strange, raw way.

That only makes him more wary. And more guilty about imagining himself drinking your blood. He shouldn’t even be around you if he’s losing his grip on his hard-won control. But although it makes him feel ashamed, it also causes his heart to rush.

He drains the blood bag to the last possible drop. To his relief, it calms him significantly, though the thoughts of you don’t leave. More innocent ones now, of your outing earlier in the evening. Deep beneath, they are tinged with his ever-present guilt at his vampiric nature.

Johnny doesn’t need the sleep, but he drifts off anyway, if only to quiet the conflict sending daggers into his mind.

You’ve known Johnny for a few weeks now, not counting the time you spent silently staring at him in the café, but you find yourself intertwining yourself further into his life. You end up visiting his apartment sooner than you anticipated. You didn’t think of anything as ridiculous as him living in a coffin or sleeping in the rafters like a bat, but you also had a hard time imagining what his place might look like.

You come over on a weekend when you have more time to simply hang out and not worry so much about anything else.

Like usual, he waits in that spot on the side of the street for you to come out. In the daytime, you’re more apprehensive about him being here and someone potentially seeing him and trying to cause trouble for him, but there’s a part of you that likes the rebellious aspect of it. And if he truly doesn’t mind coming near the campus to pick you up, you don’t have much issue with him doing it.

Johnny’s apartment is clean—and a little sparser than you’d expected. Maybe he’s a fan of minimalism. One side of the wall is taken up by a wide bookcase, which features a bunch of different knickknacks, books, and a collection of larger hardcovers that look like photo albums. On the other walls are a few framed pictures of different scenes, and you assume they’re ones he must’ve taken.

“This is a nice place,” you say as he takes your jacket for you and puts it up. “It must cost quite a bit, too…” You sit down on the couch, stroking the soft material of it.

Johnny shrugs. “Thanks. It’s nothing I can’t handle...being nearly a century old gives you plenty of time to save money.” He appears charmingly self-satisfied when he’s able to make you laugh. “Do you want anything?”

“Water is fine…thank you.” Johnny nods and goes off to the kitchen.

Despite trying to keep your eyes on the wall photos, your gaze follows him as he leaves. You discreetly watch him move around his kitchen. With his dark clothes, he’s like a splash of black paint against the pale tile and stainless steel.

There are blood packs in Johnny’s fridge. Lots of them. You know because you saw them from your vantage point on the couch when he opened the fridge door. They look like the blood bags you’d see in a hospital, which makes you wonder how he even gets access to those. Another mystery you struggle to wrap your head around.

He comes back to the living room with your water, and you take it gratefully, though you also feel a little awkward. You think maybe the blood bags are something you shouldn’t have seen, although you know he probably would’ve made more effort to hide them or put them away if that were the case.

“You have a good supply of blood, a nice apartment, and a great job. Does every vampire get these kinds of perks?” Admittedly, it sounded better in your head. Your attempt to stave off the awkward feeling—which was really only coming from your end—only makes it more intense. Johnny laughs dryly in response. You can’t tell if he actually finds it amusing or is just trying to humor you, which makes you feel incredibly silly.

“All of it’s government-issued if you promise never to bite any humans.” Johnny gives a wry smile. “But it’s a mistake to think vampires live glamorous lives, filling up on blood and having no cares in the world.”

“N-no, I get it,” you stutter. “Bad joke.”

“I’m not trying to embarrass you or be mean. It’s just the way things are.” Your roles are suddenly reversed, and now he seems to feel some sort of sympathy for you, like you’re just an ignorant little human who doesn’t know any better. The last part of that is more your insecurities speaking out than anything else, but you try to ignore that and take him for his word.

Johnny gets up from the couch to go over to the bookcase as you sip your water. After looking through the photo albums intently, he takes one off the shelf and hands it to you. You set your water down and hold the album carefully as you open the front cover. The cover itself has a neat little label that reads Telluride 1976 - 1980, so you can already expect what you’ll find in it. There are numerous photos of trees, bushes, snowy mountain ranges, lakes, brilliantly vibrant flowers, and woodland creatures. You stop at a picture of a deer looking straight ahead, its black eyes wide and curious as it examines the lens.

“I lived in the mountains back then, a little after my mentor had left. I spent some time trying to reconnect with nature...and all that other hippie shit people used to do back in that era.”

You chuckle. “Did you wear the same kinds of clothes, too? Bell bottoms and tie-dye T-shirts and all?”

Johnny laughs and shrugs. “Maybe…but that’s only for me to know.”

You grin and look at the photos again. “Well…did your plan work, at least?”

Johnny gives a wistful smile. “In some ways, I think it did.”

You continue looking through the rest of the album, which you could probably do for hours if you had the time—just sit and trace every possible line, curve, and ray of light. Johnny sits beside you as you do, occasionally explaining some pictures and their backstories.

“Lately, I’ve been wanting something else to take pictures of...someone else, maybe.”

“What, like a subject?” you ask.

“Yeah, it’d be nice...I haven’t taken pictures of another person in a while.”

You nod quietly as you flip through the pages—another possible hint flying right over your head. Then a thought comes to you—one that makes your skin warm. “Have you ever taken pictures of anyone you were...involved with?” You don’t say it directly, but you hope he can get the gist of what you’re asking.

Johnny nods as if he doesn’t want to admit to it, a nervous smile gracing his lips. “A few different people…but I always gave them the pictures after we, you know, stopped seeing each other...so there’s none left here.”

“I see…” For a few moments, your thoughts circle around that concept. What was it like to bare yourself in front of someone else like that, immortalized on film? What might it be like to allow Johnny to see you like that, to take pictures of you in your most vulnerable form? The idea doesn’t make you as downright anxious as you expected it to, though you can’t completely shake the lingering embarrassment about it.

After you finish looking through the entirety of his Telluride adventures, Johnny shows you some recent pictures he’s developed, and you’re giddy to see your own blurry creations among them. Now that you’re holding them physically in your hands, you can agree that they look nice, each with its own little personality.

“I thought about putting them in a new photo album,” he says, “but you can keep them, if you prefer.”

You hold them to your chest. “Yes, I’d like to keep them. Thank you.” You smile. “I’m sure I’ll leave you with plenty other photos to put in your album, anyway.”

—

The sun is close to setting again. You aren’t ready to leave yet, though, and Johnny is content to let you stay longer. He pulls out another album for you to look at, this one dated with 1960 - 1964. Unlike the others, there’s no title to describe what’s in it except for that year range.

“This is a picture of me someone took before I was turned,” Johnny murmurs, sitting back down beside you. He turns the album to you, and in the middle of the first page is a sepia-toned photo of him sitting on a bed—or maybe a couch?—wearing a suit. White, handwritten lettering on the bottom right of the photograph reads August 4, 1960.

“Oh wow...” You touch the photo gently over its protective lining. “You look exactly the same. Of course.”

“It’s the only photo I have left of myself,” he sighs, leaning back on the sofa. “If it weren’t for that...I’d feel almost like I didn’t exist at all.”

“Do you remember this day?” you ask.

“…Vaguely.” His answer doesn’t feel like the whole truth, and the way his eyes dart anxiously as he says it confirms your suspicions. Then he sighs again, heavier this time, and he seems to be exhaling all 60 years of his burden along with it. “I was...going to be married. It was for our wedding shoot.”

You’re surprised for a reason you’re unsure of, never even imagining that Johnny could’ve been married at one point in time. Could’ve had an entire life and a family, if it hadn’t been for...

“I’m sorry, Johnny.” You know you never would’ve met him if things hadn’t happened this way, and that knowledge tugs at your heart in a way that makes you feel intensely selfish.

Johnny shakes his head and avoids your eyes. “It was long ago.” He wets his lips and his jaw clenches like maybe he wants to say something else, but he remains silent for a while.

You continue exploring the photo album in silence. With its thin size, there aren’t as many pictures in it as the others—much less, in fact, but each one is still enough to keep your interest. Your mind keeps drifting back to the one of Johnny.

You hand the album back to him when you’re done. He takes it from you, but in a gesture you don’t foresee, he allows your hands to touch for the first time. You make a tiny flinch at the unexpected coolness—not ice-cold, but enough to be noticeable—but you don’t draw away from him. You let his fingers slide across yours as the photo album leaves your hands, and it sends electricity racing up and down your spine.

“S-sorry.” You’re not sure if you’re apologizing for flinching or for making contact at all, though there is no reason to because he initiated it.

“Doesn’t it ever disturb you at all that I’m not human?” Johnny asks softly, still holding the album.

“What?”

“You’ve taken all this so easily...much more easily than many others. You aren’t even disgusted at my cold hands.” A ghost of a grin comes over his face.

“If I were disgusted, I wouldn’t even be here,” you say, trying to lighten the tension. It’s not the kind of tension that arises from anger, offense, or upset, but something else that you are lost on comprehending in this moment. “Some of it’s unfamiliar, obviously, but I’m not disgusted.”

He glances down at the album in his hands, as if contemplating something. Maybe thinking about the only living photo of himself beneath the cover. Or maybe he’s thinking back to how he was turned in the first place and subsequently lost the life he was about to have. He still hasn’t told you anything about how he became a vampire, and though you’d like to know, it’s obviously a sore spot for him.

Eventually, he nods, willing himself to smile at you. “I’m glad.”

—

Night has fallen by the time you’re done exploring the decades of his life, though there is still much you haven’t seen and don’t yet know. You let him drive you back to the school as you stare out at the passing cars, wondering how many more of these people sitting in their vehicles are nonhuman and you’d never know it.

You hesitate after he pulls up across from the main gate.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Uh, nothing really, it’s just—I still don’t have your number or anything.” And I want to talk to you more often. I want to hear your voice more often. You don’t want to say anything overly dramatic or cheesy, so you just keep those last thoughts to yourself.

Thinking it had been something serious, he smirks at your concern. “Oh, I see. I’ll give it to you now, then.”

Once your numbers are safely in each other’s phones, you finally bid each other goodnight.

Though you try to steer your thoughts towards other things, you keep veering back to Johnny. His apartment. His fridge full of blood bags. His photo albums full of years of history. Even when you get into bed that night, you can’t keep him off your mind.

You wake up gasping and sweating when you dream of him with his fangs in your neck, your own blood running down your neck and chest. You glance over at your roommate to make sure you haven’t woken her and rest your head on your knees, trying to catch your breath and settle your racing heart. Your skin still prickles with how you could practically feel his heated breaths on your neck, ice-cold hands gripping your shoulders.

The worst part of it is that you can’t quite say you completely disliked it.

“It doesn’t make much sense to have a Halloween party and dress up as the very beings that you hate, but whatever…” you mumble, looking through a rack of costumes with a certain impassivity. You’re not very enthusiastic about going to this Halloween party, but your friend refuses to go alone. You haven’t been spending as much time with her anymore—partly because of Johnny and partly because you feel even more out of place around her than normal—and with all her begging and pleading, she refuses to let you opt out of this one.

“It’s about having fun, no one really cares Y/N. They’re freaks, aren’t they? That’s why people dress up as them, they’re practically meant for this.”

You become even more apprehensive about the party after hearing that, if that’s even possible. You smooth your hand over the fabric of a witch’s robe and sigh again, shaking your head. It doesn’t feel quite right to keep spending time in her presence—or anyone else who goes to your school—but you feel trapped on all sides, left without much of a choice. You would never hear the end of it if you tried to switch universities…or even drop out.

Your mind strays back to Johnny as always, with his melancholy aura and weird jokes and pretty pictures and monochrome clothes. The smell of his cologne, the lingering scent of roasted coffee beans, and his toothy smile, when he does show it to you. Something in you makes you want to drop everything you’re doing right now and go to him. It might even be nice to settle in his arms, feel them strong and solid around you—though he’d probably need just as much comforting as you.

“Dress up as this!” Your friend breaks the reverie as she prances over to you with a pair of fake fangs, the tips of them painted in acrylic blood. She holds them up to your mouth, and you struggle to manage a smile, if only to sate her enthusiasm. “It actually reminds me of…that vampire at the café. Say, have you seen him since then?”

You shake your head, moving away to sift through another rack of outfits as you try to maintain a detached expression. “Nope, not a glimpse. Haven’t even thought about him.”

When your friend doesn’t suspect anything, you let your expression drop just a tad, breathing out quietly.

The night of the party, the full moon is heavy and bold against the black blanket of the sky, which feels horribly cliché. You wonder if there are any werewolves out tonight, and what they might be doing right now.

“We’re going to have a good time tonight,” your friend insists as you both walk up the front steps of the host’s house. It’s someone you only vaguely know, a friend of a friend of a friend, but clearly a person who has an abundance of money judging by this expansive home. You don’t know why she feels the need to convince you, but maybe it’s because you haven’t seemed very enthusiastic so far. You only give a thumbs up to her words, which feels like an unconvincing gesture. Luckily for you, it works.

After a few hours, the party is still going strong but your head is starting to hurt from the music, and you’re growing weary of all the men crowding in too close, looking at you in your angel costume like you’re something to be devoured. You’ve rolled your eyes at way too many of them and their haphazardly put-together costumes, dressed up as vampires with terrible fake fangs or werewolves with manes of matted up fur.

Your friend keeps flitting around the party, talking to whoever she recognizes from classes or campus organizations, and you’ve given up on trying to follow her around any longer. Every time you turn around, she’s somewhere else. Noticing that you’re currently solo, a guy from one of your history classes comes up to you and begins what he thinks is an interesting conversation on how angels actually look more like Eldritch abominations than the cherubic humans depicted in paintings—so your costume is “technically inaccurate” —and your eyes glaze over as you pretend to listen to him.

You eventually manage to get away from him and get to an undisturbed corner, wedged next to two girls drinking cider and critically rating all the guys’ costumes. You pull your phone out and think about calling for a ride back to campus, but your thumb hovers over the message icon. You press it without thinking too much about it, and Johnny’s name appears as one of your most recent conversations. Though you feel somewhat nervous, you will yourself to open the box and begin typing.

To: Hi Johnny. I hope I’m not bothering you, but can I come over? 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿 I’m over this party

You put your phone back in your purse, trying not to get your hopes up for a quick response. You know there’s a good chance he’d still be awake at this time of night since he doesn’t need to sleep, but he has his own life and is probably off doing...vampire-y things. Whatever those things could be.

However, your hopes are met when your phone pings only a couple minutes later.

From: Of course. You’re not scared about spending your Halloween with a vampire? 😏

You smile at that.

To: I think I’ll be fine…as long as you don’t bite me.

From: 🦷🩸

—

You get to Johnny’s studio apartment not too long after, and you hang around outside his door for a few moments before knocking, suddenly feeling bashful about your costume. Maybe you should’ve changed before coming over here; what if he thinks it’s childish? Or maybe too revealing? Does he even care about that kind of stuff? Doesn’t matter now, though. You’re here, and there’s no way you’re turning back around.

He answers a few seconds after you knock, wearing a sweater and black pants. You notice his sweater is a cream color and not the usual black. He looks a little surprised to see your costume, and his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows.

“Wow, you look pretty. Nice of you to visit me after falling straight from Heaven.” You cringe at his cheesy line, though you also cannot deny that you secretly enjoy every bit of it.

“Thanks, Johnny...” you say timidly, stepping into his home as he lets you in. “Nice work with changing up the color scheme.”

He’s confused for a moment before realizing you’re talking about his clothes. “Oh yeah, that...um, haha. Thanks.”

Unbeknownst to you, the back of his mind is buzzing with a form of excitement he hasn’t felt in a while. Not the clawing, frantic spikes of bloodlust, but a more physical kind of desire. It’s pleasurable, but he also feels guilty about pining over how sweet and innocent you look in your all-white outfit, stockings hugging your legs perfectly and your dress just short enough to tempt the imagination. Really, you’ve painted a picture of perfect purity, and the only thing he can think about is ruining you. Putting his hands on you and peeling your dress off to reveal the soft skin underneath.

He casts those thoughts aside as you sit prettily on his couch, legs crossed at the ankles—though it’s hard to do so. “Do you want something to drink? Or eat? There isn’t a whole lot of food here, but I can order something…”

“Do you ever make your own coffee?” The question seems a bit random at first, and you try to explain. “You know, since you always get it from the café.”

Johnny smiles. “Do you want coffee? I can make it.”

You nod. “That would be nice…whatever you have.”

“I pretty much have your usual order memorized by now, so I should be good on making it.” Johnny walks to the kitchen. “You can look through the albums while you’re in there. The ones you haven’t seen yet.”

“Oh, thanks.” You feel a little nervous to be looking through the shelf of his treasured photo albums by yourself, but you’re also glad he trusts you enough to let you do it. It makes you feel important. Maybe even important to him, as silly as that might sound.

It isn’t long before the scent of coffee wafts out into the living room. Johnny returns soon with two cups of it, and just as he promised, yours is made just the way you like it.

“Thank you.” You set the album back on the shelf and take the cup from Johnny. For a while, both of you talk of nothing important—just filling the space with the details of your days.

“So how was the party?” Johnny finally asks, and he raises his eyebrows as he scans your outfit again. You grin halfheartedly.

“It was…alright. Kinda weird. I think it’d be more fun if I went to a regular university, but you know…”

Johnny shakes his head. “I can’t blame you for bailing out.”

“Yeah…I’ve been to college parties before, but the Halloween theme was a bit…”

“Strange for an institution that bans all supernatural beings?” Johnny finishes your sentence. He doesn’t look offended or irritated by it—only slightly amused.

You shrug, biting your lip. “Yeah, that.”

“Well, look on the bright side. I wouldn’t have gotten to see you in your natural form otherwise.”

This one almost goes over your head, too, but you catch it just in time. Johnny’s compliments make you feel warm all over, like you’re sitting under the sun. You grin and look down into your cup of coffee, unused to receiving such bold praise and unsure how to respond to it. Something pops into your mind, though, and you think it might be a good idea to run with it.

“You could...take a picture of me, you know. If you want to...since I’m all dressed up now anyway.” You meet his eyes only for a second and then look away, twisting the mug in your hands.

Johnny sits up a little straighter at your words, trying to catch your eyes, though you don’t hold his gaze for long. “You’re sure?” he asks.

“I’m sure. Go ahead! Before I change my mind.” You laugh nervously and carefully set your half-empty mug on the table.

Johnny’s camera is never too far away from him, so he grabs it and plays with the settings for a bit before looking back to you, a small smile on his face. “I’m gonna start, okay?” His voice is surprisingly soft. This, yet again, reminds you of him and the aster bush. He acts as if you might run away at the first shutter click, which makes you feel babied, but you don’t totally hate it.

The first few photos are a little awkward—at least to you. You aren’t sure how to pose, or if you should try to look more casual, though Johnny assures you you’re doing well. He gives you directives throughout, telling you to look in his direction or angle your face a certain way, and you follow his instructions to the best of your ability.

At one point, one of your dress straps slips down. When you go to fix it, Johnny says, “Wait. Could you keep it like that?”

You look at him, your body heating from the suggestion.

“Is that okay with you?”

“…Yes.” Your throat is dry, and your body reacts in a way you don’t expect—little nervous thrills in your hands and feet, though you try to internally explain it away as the coffee’s effects. Johnny takes a few more photos like this, and then he steps closer to gently touch your chin, guiding your face to the angle he’s looking for.

“So good for me.” It slips past his lips in a reverential murmur before he can really consider what he’s saying, and you both freeze. Your heart rate increases, and you wonder if he can hear how hard the red organ is beating in your chest. Probably.

You want to hear him say it again.

Johnny laughs awkwardly, his hand coming back to his side almost a little too quickly to be natural. “Um, I’m really sorry. That was a bit...”

“It…it’s fine.” You avoid his eyes. Johnny takes a few more photos, but the set of his mouth is a little tight, as if he’s stressed about something. Or regretting what he let slip, maybe. You want to tell him you really don’t feel bad about it, but you aren’t sure how to do that without making things more awkward…or revealing your true desires.

When Johnny has taken enough pictures of you to be satisfied with, he sits next to you on the couch, setting his camera on the coffee table and looking suddenly timid.

“I can’t wait to see them,” you say, attempting to break the tension that never really cleared the room after his earlier comment. He blinks for a moment like he doesn’t know what you mean, and then realizes—obviously, he’ll be developing the photos.

“They’ll come out nice, I’m sure. I think you’ll photograph well.”

“Thank you,” you murmur, and now it’s your turn to be unsure of how to resurrect the conversation.

“You’re beautiful.” It’s an abrupt comment. It makes your stomach twist in a pleasant, fluttery way, and you become hyperaware of his form sitting next to yours.

“Haven’t heard that one much, but thanks.”

Johnny turns to you. “Anyone who’d think otherwise is a fool.”

There’s a pause after this where you both simply study each other, watching for hidden reactions that can’t be read on the surface. The way he says it is…decisive, assured. But it also manages to be tender, as if he needs you to know what he thinks of you. Needs you to see yourself the way he does—the same way you do for him. You don’t know where the confidence comes from, but maybe his tone and his words and his endlessly dark eyes have pulled it out of you. “I want to kiss you.”

Johnny’s lips part. “Are you certain?”

“I’m certain.”

He doesn’t hesitate anymore. Johnny moves closer to you and cups the back of your neck. Something awakens in his eyes in the seconds before he presses his mouth to yours. Though he wants to drink eagerly from your lips, his kiss is languid to avoid overwhelming you, and there is an audible smack of your lips whenever he pulls away and presses back in.

His mouth tastes like the coffee you just drank, but underneath that you swear you can taste a hint of the deep iron of blood, and you don’t know how to feel about that. You think about what his fangs would feel like scraping against your bottom lip, if he’d ever show them to you, and you moan quietly.

“Do you want this? With me?” Johnny confirms once more, pulling his gaze away from your lips and up to your eyes. His own eyes are yearning, but there is also an element of something like fear roiling in them. As if you’d turn him away, even though you’ve already shown your desire for him.

“Yes. Just you. No one else.”

Johnny’s body gravitates towards yours, and you think he’s going to push you down onto the sofa, but he scoops your legs up and carries you to his bedroom instead. Even his hands on your waist and legs makes you burn inside.

This is the first time you've seen his bedroom. The sheets are cloud-soft when he sets you down on them, and his window lets moonlight shine through the open blinds and scatter in thick beams across the floor. The only other light source is the bedside lamp, which emits a comfortable yellowish glow.

Johnny joins you on the bed and lets you climb into his lap—encourages you to do so. His cool hands pulling at your thighs as you settle them on either side of his waist makes tingles go through your body. You don’t hesitate to bring your lips back together, kissing each other deeply as one of his hands cradles the back of your head and the other settles on the small of your back.

You are certain vampires don’t have any powers of enchantment—that’s for magic wielders. And yet, you feel like you’ve been put in a trance by his kisses alone, and you wonder how you could’ve lived this long without knowing how his lips feel—how they fit perfectly against your own. As if everything up to now has purposely led you together.

You shift in Johnny’s embrace, and the movement causes his thigh to slide between your legs. Your heat is pressed against his thigh directly now, your silken panties catching against the denim of his pants. You murmur against his lips, not really saying anything of substance but wanting to vocalize your desire to him. Johnny’s hand tightens slightly on your back, and he experimentally lifts his leg higher and slides his thigh across you. That draws a gasp from you.

Noticing your positive response, Johnny continues rocking his thigh up against your pussy and kissing you until you’re breathless and your nipples are straining against the fabric of your dress. You pull away from him for a moment to try to ground yourself, feeling like your nerves are already being singed with fiery pleasure. Johnny’s face is noticeably more flushed than before, but he also looks much more composed than you feel at the moment.

“It takes longer to get hard,” he explains, as if reading the lingering question in your own expression. “Since...you know. Slow blood.” You rock your hips over his thigh more enthusiastically, motivated to get him hard underneath you, and you listen to his choppy breaths as you move. Your movements aren’t the smoothest, but he helps you guide your hips in a way that feels good for you both. You’ve never been with anyone before, so it doesn’t much matter to you how long or quick it takes for him to get there as long as he does.

Feeling the bulge grow underneath you excites you. Johnny groans against your lips as you kiss him and rub yourself over his member. The sound comes from somewhere deep inside him, as if it’s something he’s been containing for a long time. Your hand goes to his waist and tugs at his belt loops, then drifts closer to his belt buckle, pulling the leather and metal apart. Johnny pauses when you get off his lap and slide further down, grips your arms like he doesn’t want you to go. “Are…you sure? You don’t have to…if it’s too much—”

“I want to, Johnny.”

With your affirmative, he lets you kneel between his legs, pull his zipper apart, and trace your curious fingers over the bulge beneath the fabric of his underwear. Johnny loses his breath when you drag his underwear down, sliding it over the heated skin of his dick. His length is thick and long—even with him not being fully hard yet—and the tip glistens wet with precum. You weren’t sure what to expect, but this is much bigger than you think you might be able to handle. It makes your face warm and your stomach do another series of flips. Still, you want it and you want him, so you aren’t going to stop now.

You lean closer to press your lips against his shaft, leaving a few soft kisses behind. Johnny’s mouth parts when your mouth touches him.

Johnny gently holds the back of your head as you leave small licks over his shaft, tasting the salty skin on your tongue. He lets out a shaky breath as he watches you, his other hand brushing the side of your face.

“Just like that…” he murmurs, his voice heavy with lust as you circle your tongue around the thick, darkened tip, catching drops of his precum. He never takes his eyes off you, and this makes you feel a little exposed, but you continue with your actions. When you suck Johnny’s tip past your lips, his thighs tense under you, the thick muscle reacting beautifully to your actions on his body.

More precum drips from him, and you find the taste strangely pleasing. It makes you want more of him, of whatever he has to offer you. You wrap your hand around his shaft, though it doesn’t fit entirely around, and begin stroking him in a way you hope feels good.

Johnny’s hand slips over yours to guide your movements and show you how much pressure to apply, what pace to stroke him at. “Like this, baby…yes, that’s so good…” He showers you with praise as you get the hang of it, and he eventually lets your hand go so you can do it on your own, his own hand drifting back to the bed to grip the comforter.

It’s hard to quantify just how much seeing you like this turns him on, you kneeling between his legs with his cock between your lips while wearing your pretty, angelic outfit. His previous guilt about “corrupting” you descends to the very back of his mind as he savors every moment of your hands on his cock and your tongue circling his slit.

“I’m close,” he whispers. You quicken your movements on him, hollowing your cheeks tighter around his dick, and the moan he gives shoots straight between your legs.

Johnny carefully pulls your head back so you won’t choke before he comes, streams of his seed shooting into your mouth and running down his cock. Your hand still squeezes around him as he comes, and he slowly thrusts into the tight circle of your fist as you milk every drop from him. By the time he’s spent, your mouth and hand and part of the sheets are completely sticky with his release. You imagine it must have been a long time since he’s last had an orgasm.

The vampire watches intently as you swallow his cum, which causes his softening dick to throb in your hand. He takes your face in his hands and kisses you deeply, uncaring of the taste of himself in your mouth. His hair tickles your face as he kisses you feverishly, his nose bumping yours and his tongue prodding past your lips.

“Come here, angel.” Johnny pulls your body up onto the bed before you can get yourself up there first. The pet name makes warmth flood through your body, like drinking a hot chocolate at the café, except a thousand times more satisfying. Johnny’s hands are once again caressing your thighs, though this time they slide up underneath your dress and squeeze your hips. “Can I take these pretty panties off you?”

“Please.”

He hooks his fingers into the sides of them and pulls them down your legs and past your ankles. One of his hands goes underneath your dress to feel you soft and wet against his fingers, and you both moan at the same time. He slides his digits through your lips and over your clit, and him leaning forward to bring his mouth to your throat is enough to have you nearly overwhelmed. His fingers tease your entrance but don’t push inside until you nearly have to beg him.

“Please, Johnny…” You push your hips up to get his attention.

“Do you want my fingers?” he asks softly.

“Y-yes…” At your words, he eases the middle one into you, slowly enough to avoid discomfort. It feels strange to have someone else’s fingers inside you. His finger reaches further than yours can, touching you more deeply than you’ve felt before; it makes you gasp a bit too sharply.

“Are you hurt?” he asks, freezing and thinking he might’ve done something wrong.

“N-no, I’m fine. Keep going.”

Johnny’s mouth edges closer to the cleavage of your dress as he starts thrusting his finger into you, warming you up enough to take a second digit. Shakily, you bring your hands up to slide the straps down and make it easier for him, and his breath hitches when you pull the top of your dress down.

His mouth envelopes one of your nipples as he slides the second finger into you. His fingers encounter a part of you that makes you moan unexpectedly and grab onto him, a little surprised at the sudden spike of pleasure.

“You’re so pretty,” he purrs, his lips moving against the curve of your breast as he speaks. “And so responsive.”

As Johnny’s mouth and fingers work you closer to an orgasm, you marvel at how handsome he looks and how good he feels. He opens his eyes to see you staring at him, your pupils wide and mouth desperate, and he separates himself from your chest to kiss you deeply once again.

When you come around his fingers, Johnny whispers more compliments to you about how good you are and how he wants to watch you come undone because of him all the time. When he thinks you might be on the brink of overstimulation, he takes his fingers out of you, slipping them into his mouth to taste you.

“I’ll take this off now. Is that okay?” He whispers this into your ear with his hands on either side of your hips, caressing the fabric of your dress.

“I-it’s okay.”

Johnny slips your dress off, leaving you in nothing but your white sheer stockings. The sight of you sitting there on his bed, breathing heavily from your climax in your pretty thigh-highs, has his cock throbbing and rising to life once again.

“Lay back on the bed.” You do, and he settles himself between your legs like you did for him earlier. When you glance at him, his eyes are heavy and piercing. In this moment, you are acutely reminded of the fact that he is not a human, with how he looks like a beast of prey about to devour a meal. You are too nervous to look back at him for long, so you stare at the ceiling with your legs shaking from anticipation.

Johnny’s mouth on you is almost jarring in how wet it is, and you arch up into him in surprise and a rush of pleasure. He gently presses your legs back onto the bed and continues licking into you, parting your lower lips with his tongue and making your thighs tremble under his grasp.

If you had to describe it in words, you probably wouldn’t be able to. He kisses your pussy the same way he kisses you on the mouth, passionately and with more than enough tongue to satisfy. Johnny slips his fingers into you again as he curls his lips around your clit, and you moan unabashedly.

You’re quickly spiraling towards another orgasm, maybe quicker than you expected; but it makes sense with you still being so raw from the climax you just had. You gain enough courage to give another glance down at Johnny, and you see the way his other arm moves back and forth from beneath the bed, stroking himself while he eats you out. Something about that pushes you over the edge, and you cry out as you come on his tongue.

As Johnny gives you time to calm down again, he stands and finally pulls his clothes off, baring his body to you. You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen a man so beautiful.

He goes to get a condom, and your words stumble from your lips before you can psych yourself out of saying them. “I-I’m on birth control.” Johnny looks back at you, his gaze filled with something you can’t quite read. He comes closer to you, holding himself above you on the bed so his face is hovering just above yours.

“You want to feel me raw?” he whispers.

You nod under his burning stare, feeling like you’re on a high you won’t be able to get off of. “I need you, Johnny.”

Johnny climbs fully onto the bed then and positions himself between your legs. His cock is thick and heavy between his thighs as it bumps against your inner thigh and leaves a smear of precum behind. After putting some lube in his hand, he slicks himself with the sticky substance, preparing himself to fuck you open. Something deep in your abdomen shudders, and your walls clench around nothing as you watch him stroke his shaft, the squelching, wet sound of his hand on his dick loud in the quiet room.

When he’s done, he grabs your thighs and pulls you a little closer to him. “If it hurts, tell me, okay?”

“O-okay.”

The slick tip prodding at your hole makes you want more, though you are a bit afraid of how this is going to feel. When it finally pushes inside of you, you gasp. Johnny watches your face for signs of pain as he slides forward further.

With two previous orgasms and the lube to help, his cock stretches you open with some discomfort, but not the kind of sharp pain you expected. Your nails leave little half-moon shapes on Johnny’s biceps as you squeeze his arms and try to keep your lower half relaxed, wanting to take all of him in—or as much as you can manage, anyway. You try to keep your breathing even as he pushes into you slowly.

Your eyebrows crease and your mouth tightens when he slides deeper still, and he pauses. “Johnny…” You worry your lip with your teeth, feeling like you’ve been stuffed to the brim—and he’s not even all the way in yet.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” you beg, maintaining your grip on his arms. “Just…try moving.”

Johnny pulls out and slowly thrusts back in again, angling his dick to find that sensitive spot within you. Your mouth falls open silently when he does; this feels much, much different from his fingers. This is better.

Johnny repeats the movement, being mindful not to push himself too deep—only enough for you to handle. Beneath him, your body begins unwinding at the pleasure he’s delivering to you, and your eyes flutter closed as the ecstasy takes over your mind. One of his hands goes to tease your clit as he settles into a good rhythm, and you cry out at the extra dose of pleasure.

“You’re taking me so well,” Johnny mumbles as he sits back and watches himself slide into you, both of your lower halves slick from lube and your own wetness. “So warm and wet, angel…” You can tell he’s using a lot of his energy to keep his pace controlled and gentle enough for you to actually enjoy. The idea of being fucked harder makes you ache deep inside, but you figure it’s best to save that for when you’re more used to this. You already know it’ll be difficult to walk in the morning after this.

Johnny leans forward to kiss your lips, changing the angle again and circling his pelvis into you, and a choked gasp escapes your mouth at the slow wind of his hips.

Johnny lavishes your neck and throat with kisses, and though he is a vampire, you aren’t worried about him biting you. His fangs have not made an appearance since all this started, and you doubt if he would ever bring them out in front of you. You don’t know if you should ask about it, either, wondering if it’s too soon after only a month and a half of knowing each other—but maybe you could say the same about him being inside of you right now.

“Johnny…” you whisper into the air, your fingers scrabbling against his sweaty skin. The mounting tension in your abdomen is close to snapping, and you are almost frightened by how intense it already feels. He moves his face from your neck to be face-to-face with you again and plants a heavy, dizzying kiss on your lips.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs against your kiss-swollen lips. “I’ve got you, Y/N.”

Falling apart in Johnny’s arms feels like a form of Heaven that’s meant to be kept hidden, because you might become addicted to it otherwise. Your inner muscles squeeze around his dick as you come. His name flows from your lips in a high song. You can’t imagine any physical sensation that could be better than this, his hips rocking into you as you tighten and cream around him, and you know innately that Johnny has ruined all chances of you ever feeling this fulfilled with anyone but him.

The constant pulse of your walls against his dick is too much to withstand for long, and Johnny’s muscles pull taut with pleasure when he comes, groaning into your neck and spilling overflowing streams of thick cum into you. His hips falter in their former rhythm, and he resists the urge to push himself as deep as he can into you.

When he pulls out, you whine from the discomfort of it, but also because you wish he could stay in you forever. You know you’ll be sore when you wake up—and you can already feel the very beginnings of exhaustion and ache settling in your body—but you’d do it a hundred times over without changing a thing.

—

Johnny curls himself around you after he’s cleaned the both of you up, as if he means to shield you from the world. You’re quiet for a while as you listen to his slow-beating heart and feel his cool skin against yours.

You look up at his face, which is hard to see distinctly in the dark of the room. With the lamp turned out, the only source of light comes from the moon now, but you can decipher enough to make out the shape of his lips and his glittering eyes. You know he can see much better than you in this light, and he takes his time tracing his fingers across your face and cheek, studying your features.

“Would you ever…make me a vampire?”

His body tenses at your question. “Don’t say anything ridiculous. You still have a whole life ahead of you to live. What I have here...this is no existence.” He’s not mad, at least not at you, but his voice hardens at the very idea of it.

“But what if I wanted to live it with you?”

Johnny takes a breath, but he doesn’t say anything to that. He just continues stroking your face and looks at you for a long time, like he’s searching for something. You don’t know if you truly expected an answer from him, or how you would feel if he did give one.

Eventually, your eyes begin to fall low, and sleep overcomes you. The last thing you register is Johnny’s chilly hand touching your cheek. When he notices you’ve drifted off, he pulls the covers tighter around you both. Then he presses you to his chest as he tunes out the sound of cars rumbling on the streets below in exchange for the beating of your heart—still alive, so red with blood.

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karaboutmyart · 3 years

Text

drops my lord fly headcanons on you all at once....... I'm 98% sure I forgot someone, so I'll just add to this list later. meanwhile, enjoy :)

ralph

- when he's angry or excited, his voice gradually speeds up until you can't even understand him anymore

- "wanna see me climb that tree really fast, do a flip off of it, swing from a branch, and land on the ground on my feet? okay then close your eyes."

- talks in his sleep. usually small mumbles, but when its intense, it could be full on yelling.

- adhd

- abandonment issues

- has a dark and self-deprecating sense of humor

- can be very sarcastic

- he's surrounded by idiots

- pyromaniac

- doesn't like to cuss, but does so when he feels it is necessary

- sensitive nose and hearing

- not straight. denies it tho

jack

- perfectionist. has very serious OCD

- the rich kid

- takes his problems out on other people, especially those who seem like a lower class

- also has some family issues. both parents are high-class. his father has very bad anger issues

- sarcastic, but only when in a bad mood

- he is very protective of the choir tho and cares about them immensely

- picky about food

- cusses a lot, but not around his family

- absolute beaut when it comes to singing

- very loud when talking. you could probably hear him on the other end of the hall. "oh, boy, here comes Jack Merridew and his choir."

- acts like he doesn't care. he probably does

- looks like he could kill you. doesn't have the guts to

- biromantic :)

simon

- absolutely loves animals

- also likes plants too

- gets distracted very easily

- loves to share

- a very good listener

- his favorite season is the springtime. he loves the colors and the weather, and the bees that come out during that time.

- has some family issues back at home

- the smartest out of the choir boys

- despite this, he says a lot of things that make no sense whatsoever and then never elaborates on it

- "walking into choir practice and seeing the stupidity there is like waking up to pancakes and orange juice! :)"

- best friends with roger, maurice, and robert

- diagnosed with vasovagal syncope (in which there are periods where his heart rate or blood pressure will suddenly drop. the reason why he faints a lot. usually happens under overwhelming situations)

piggy

- infodumper. usually infodumps about candy and the history and the choice of colors for the wrappers

- sit down with piggy and he'll probably immediately spitball fun facts to you

- gets embarrassed easily

- a boy scout

- mumbles a lot. talks to himself.

- has serious anxiety. this typically triggers his asthma

- smarter than everyone. like ralph, he, too, is surrounded by idiots

- big sweet tooth.

- very clumsy

- lost his father to the war. his mother left after that, afraid she wouldn't be able to take care of him.

- tries to look aggressive. fails immediately.

- short short short short s

roger

- a bully, this one is

- currently going through his emo phase

- you'd think his parents would like morticia and gomez addams from the addams family, but they're actually really happy and bright people

- also has two little sisters (they're twins)

- he never talks about his family

- collects rocks and crystals

- the only living things he can tolerate are snails and simon.

- quiet. only talks when he needs to talk

- very interested in the history of dead people

- looks up to Jack for his confidence. follows him around, usually

- (in a strained voice) "Death makes worms of us all."

- G notes everyone

- joined the choir because his father encouraged it. actually ended up really enjoying it, and he can sing very well

samneric

- very, very close to each other. they can definitely sense when one or the other is in pain or in danger

- argues about who is older and who is taller

- sam is definitely the smarter, gentler of the two, while eric is more on the rebellious side

- they stick together as much as possible

- made nametags on the island because I said so.

- but they like to confuse people and switch their nametags sometimes

- "wow, it's very nice to be in your shoes, sam. but I'm afraid we're going to have to switch our names back because I think ralph is going to throw himself off the mountain if we keep this up."

- they both smile a lot. it can be kinda creepy sometimes.

- definitely finish each other's sentences, but only when they can actually sense that it needs to be done.

- sam is a dog person, eric is a cat person

- sam has more anxiety than eric does, probably because eric is always putting himself in danger and sam doesn't know what he would do without Eric.

maurice

- nonbinary (he/they/xe)

- gnc af

- neurodivergent

- had long hair before the island, and got it cut before the plane ride. it got long again, tho.

- usually follows roger and Jack around

- talks really fast. usually hard to keep up with him, but he'll slow down once you ask him to.

- super clingy

- gets flustered when someone tries to hold his hand, tho

- the class clown. but somedays he's also calmer and quiet

- roger likes the calmer maurice better

- sometimes joins roger in the bullying, but stops when it gets to be too much

- very good at singing, but can sometimes have trouble staying in time

- collects old postage stamps

- has the personality of a puppy.

- "brb guys! I have to go pee with excitement!"

- "CHRIST MAURICE STOP SAYING THAT"

bill

- also gnc. he's just so casual with his outfits that sometimes he'll wear skirts and dresses and things

- more on the calm, collected side. but can be chaotic when in the mood :)

- "blimey, robert! look at that goose over there!"

- mimicks animal noises

- cusses a lot. but does it so calmly and smoothly that it sounds natural

- mama's boy

- he and robert are usually seen sitting in the back, talking with each other.

- claims he's been in the war. he hasn't.

- percival's older brother

- "its days like these when I just don't give a fuck."

- blind in one eye

- because he is blind in one eye, his perception of depth sucks.

- he runs into doors and trees and walls a lot.

robert

- has a very broad knowledge of plants

- also very knowledgeable about ants, for some reason

- mom friend

- born in canada. moved to the UK at a very young age

- bestest friends with bill and simon

- gets queasy very easily

- has some anxiety

- self-conscious about his singing voice. that's why he never takes the solos

- "I joined the choir because Bill joined the choir. I didn't think I would have to actually bloody sing in this godforsaken classroom."

- encourages maurice's and roger's antics

- likes his tea and coffee scorching hot

- has a panic attack when they first landed on the island. bill and simon had to calm him down.

- claims he has a disease that's contagious, which is how he gets away from social interaction

#my headcanons #long post #headcanons #headcanon post #lord of the flies #lotf ralph #lotf jack #lotf piggy #lotf simon #lotf samneric #lotf maurice #lotf bill #lotf robert #lotf #rambling

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francoiserenaldt · 4 years

Audio

This playlist is for one of my ILITW MCs, Desirée Ashton. I hope you enjoy! Song explanations under the cut.

wings little mix

mama told me not to waste my life / she said spread your wings, my little butterfly

I wanted to kick off the playlist with this song because it’s the closest I could get to establishing who Desirée is as a person. People have talked shit about her all her life; growing up poor and black in an affluent, predominantly white neighborhood will do that to you, so this song represents how she manages to rise above it everyday.

omg little mix

i don’t even know / why they fall like dominoes

My girl is...not the best at relationships. She’s very stubborn when it comes to what she likes in a person, so she ends up in a lot of situations where people who don’t interest her in any way are attracted to her. It’s about as nightmarish as you’d expect.

pray for me kendrick lamar ft. the weeknd

if i’m gon’ die for you / if i’m gon’ kill for you / then i spill this blood for you +

i fight the world / i fight you / i fight myself

This song represents Desirée’s relationship with her twin brother, Devon. Because he’s so much more emotionally fragile than she is, she’s constantly defending him from the community. She would happily die for him, but it wears on her constantly.

no tears left to cry ariana grande

right now, i’m in a state of mind / i wanna be in, like all the time

Her emotional state is a series of high highs and low lows because she’s always going through some shit, so it’s really an occasion when she’s feeling good.

scrolling adrianxpression

i’m looking in the mirror to make me reconsider / but the hole that’s in my heart / it just keeps on getting bigger

This one is her when her anxiety acts up.

i was here beyonce

i gave my all / did my best / brought someone some happiness

Desirée gives a lot of herself to the people she lets in, which is why it hurts when no one mourns her.

elastic heart sia

I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart / but your blade might be too sharp +

you won’t see me fall apart / cuz i’ve got an elastic heart

elastic bali baby

fucked it up, made it back / it’s elastic +

i wanna go off / yes, i know it is tempting

Her resilience through everything she’s gone through takes its toll on her patience, so when it’s gone...let’s just say you don’t want to be the one she’s mad at.

successful ariana grande

it feels so good to be so young and have this fun and be successful / i’m so successful

Before her family got rich, she had a borderline unhealthy obsession with working hard because her parents engrained it in her mind (“work or die” and “go to school or die in poverty” type stuff) so this is sort of her enjoying the product of all of her work in addition to the money she has now.

icy girl saweetie

i don’t got time for these hoes / speaking on my name like i’m someone that they know

This is her attitude toward naysayers as an adult (think ILB age). In Wings, she was bothered by the things people said about her. Now, she’s mostly dismissive unless they really cross a line.

bartier cardi cardi b

cardi took your man, you upset / cardi got rich, they upset, yeah

Self explanatory.

joan of arc little mix

i don’t need a man / if i’m lovin’ you, it’s ‘cause i can / i don’t want your cash / i put my own rock on my hand

As someone who’s been on both sides of the class spectrum, she’s pretty knowledgeable about the power of money and what it does to people. Knowing that information has made her really cagey about who she lets herself depend on.

home with you madison beer

you do what you wanna, wanna do / but i’m not going home with you, home with you

7 rings ariana grande

been through some bad shit, i should be a sad bitch / who would’ve thought it’d turn me to a savage?

pop shit molly brazy

fuck all that squashing that beef / bitch you know there ain’t know ending that

Desirée holds a mean grudge. Nuff said.

one woman army porcelain black

i’m on the battlefield like oh my god / knocking soldiers down like house of cards

This could be taken literally or metaphorically depending on how you look at it.

vroom vroom charli xcx

all my friends are princesses, we keep it whipped and creamy / ice cubes on our tongues because we like to keep it freezy

I included this song because I could see her blasting this in the car (when she eventually gets one) while driving with the other girls in the cast.

cocky af megan thee stallion

cocky as fuck and my friends cocky too / if you got beef with me, they got it too

6 inch beyonce

she fights for the power, keeping time / she grinds from monday to friday / work from friday to sunday

Desirée is a huge fan of throwing herself into her work when she’s dealing with other problems. She kind of...spirals when she doesn’t have a project to focus on and I thought this song was a good representative of that. Also there is no such thing as too much Beyonce.

i don’t feel anymore kahlen barry

want you to think about / everything you’re leaving behind / walk out that door, i promise i won’t cry / because i can’t cry / i don’t feel anymore

She takes betrayal hard. Yeah, no one takes betrayal well, but she becomes a different person when she’s been screwed over by someone she let in.

love is blindness jack white

love is blindness / i don’t wanna see / why don’t you wrap the knife / around me

This is her view of her parent’s relationship. Without getting too much into it, they’re an example of everything she doesn’t want for her future partnerships.

ball w/o you 21 savage

you was my rock, heavy metal / now you ain’t shit to me +

gave you my all / you was my dawg

This is the song about Noah Marshall, plain and simple.

teeth 5sos

you turn into somebody i don’t know / and you push me away, push me away yeah

Desirée can be two completely different people when she hates them.

fashion killa asap rocky

i love your linda farrow / i adore your dior +

smiling is your treasure, you’re so well put together

Desiree is very into fashion and dressing well, so the new money gives her a chance to really show out.

not friendly flo milli

ain’t no competition to me / girl, i always seem to win / when i’m done wit ha / i bet she won’t try that shit again

Desirée does not put up with anything that harms her or her loved ones. Period.

girls in the hood megan thee stallion

because the girls in the hood are always hard / ever since 16, i been having a job / knowing nothing in life / but i gotta get rich / you can check the throwback pics / i been that bitch +

these bitches mad mad / they wanna hurt me

Self-explanatory.

If you read all that, I love you. Thank you for your time and I hope you have a good day!

#ilaweek #mc: desiree ashton #ilitw #day 1 #my tunes

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clamorbelli · 5 years

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hey lovelies ! i’m jaz, & i’m here to enter ur lives with my incessant use of the exclamation point & love hearts !!! <3 <3 <3 i love videogames, milkshakes, and i’m currently melting in this uk heat since i’m a simple winter child. pls excuse the parts of my blog that are still messy af, i’m slowly sorting out stats, nav, etc ( all the boring bits ) and trying to make it all look semi-presentable, so whilst i do that there are some key points about my two babies, angelo and noelle, under the cut. i apologise in advance for how long these got! pls don’t hate me ok i’m bad at pArApHrAsInG.

like this if you’d like to plot or feel free to message me either through my ims or on my discord – arcanine#0252 !

◟ * ◊ ─ benjamin wadsworth + cismale + he/him » * believe it or not angelo belongs to the mancini family. they are 19 years of age and are known to usually spend their time around magnolia’s coffee shop. the college dropout has been living in victoria for his entire life. the people closest to them describe the heterosexual + capricorn to be +placid and +tenacious as well as -calculated and -faultfinding » ◦ ° jaz, twenty-two, she/her, gmt◝

trigger warnings: death, suicide mention.

meet angelo ! more commonly known as angel by his late mother and those in his super inner circle. youngest of the mancini clan, and now 1/2 of the remaining duo, he’s dropped out of college to keep a close eye on rocco and the family estate in general.

i’ll put more about his past in his biography, since i’d ideally wanna’ iron all the details first, but he was a massive momma’s boy and always has been despite her problems. all you really need to know for plotting is that he’s been in victoria his entire life, except –––

from when he went to college last year !!! wow ! smart boy. angelo actually got accepted into MIT to study biomedical engineering, and for the year or so he was able to attend, he was incredibly passionate. he hated being away from his mom at the time, but he never let it show, as he did with most things.

when she died in late 2018, after only a few months of angelo being enrolled, he was a mess behind closed doors. he found it hard to cope, and even harder to come to terms with the fact he hadn’t been there for her in her final moments, even if it was self-caused. however, not knowing his father’s own mental state, angelo chose to stay in massachusetts, planning to come home for the funeral and that alone.

the news of his father’s suicide came not long after, though angelo’s reaction to that was far less visceral. he chose to come home only for a week, to see how his brother was and to attend funerals and events, mind falling straight into business mode and making sure to give his brother a long list of things he needed to keep an eye on. angelo had faith that rocco would handle things for the next two years whilst he graduated. things fell apart quick.

he continued to attend MIT for as long as he could, but news of rocco’s lifestyle and attitude always slinked its way down the grapevine to angelo, the nineteen year old boy at the university of his dreams. for him, a loyal mancini til’ the grave and a child who’d lost his mother, the choice to drop out of university wasn’t difficult. he left at the end of his first year, at the end of june, and has been home ever since. the staff tried to stop him, his circle of friends tried to stop him, but the choice had been made. he was going back to victoria.

does he resent his brother for what he’s had to do? not at all, he could never resent his best friend, but angelo would be lying if he said victoria was where he wanted to be. he’s now working closely with the current family accountant, being alongside him so he can keep the closest eye possible on the family finances and know what kind of deals and discussions he can afford possible business partners. it’s not surprising most turn their noses up at a nineteen year old trying to make business deals, but most are thrown onto their asses when he speaks.

PERSONALITY –––

angel is... kinda difficult? but also compared to his brother, he’s super easy to deal with. he’s a bit icy, but he doesn’t do it to ‘keep people away’ or anything like that, it’s just his natural demeanour, and he always appreciates people who aren’t bothered by his cool attitude at first and are willing to forge a friendship with him of some kind, though his persona in general naturally rubs people the wrong way.

he’s incredibly calm, and there’s very little that can be said or done to provoke any kind of reaction related to anger out of him.

he doesn’t like failure, but he is of the mindset that it makes you better as a person. however he despises people who let their failures or traumas affect them massively as people, so much so to the point where it affects their success. that’s one thing angelo has inherited from his father, his drive. his greed for succeeding. money isn’t the goal here, power is.

he’s practically a prodigy. his intelligence is off the scale and whilst 50% of that is natural ability, the other 50% is his own hard work and diligence. he’s not afraid to let you know how smart he is, nor will he accept anyone trying to tell him he’s only where he is because of his family. he seriously works his ass off, so much so you’d forget his family’s already wealthy and think he’s gone some kind of debt to pay off. angel’s always working on something, always scribbling away some kind of idea in his notebooks or planning something.

literally never stops pointing out faults in other people, thanks angel.

tends to think entirely with his head and is good at pushing emotion out of the equation 99% of the time. he’s very, very logical, plans pretty much all of his day, every day. spontaneity isn’t a word in his vocabulary and he doesn’t think his life is any worse off without it.

he has a penchant for pastries and good coffee and so you can nearly always find him these days at magnolia’s coffee shop. he enjoys his own company and therefore is usually alone, but won’t turn down the company of a friend so long as they don’t speak. at all.

◟ * ◊ ─ phoebe tonkin + cisfemale + she/her » * believe it or not noelle mercier is working for the bianchi family. they are 28 years of age and are known to usually spend their time around crystal woods. the escort, who has been a part of the alliance for 3 years, has been living in victoria for 4 years. the people closest to them describe the bisexual + pisces to be +tenderhearted and +intuitive as well as -pithless and -elusive » ◦ ° jaz, twenty-two, she/her, gmt◝

trigger warnings: death, sex work, suicidal thoughts, predatory behaviour, murder.

disclaimer: noelle’s soft. as fuck.

she was born in the south of france to two very french parents. she grew up there for most of her young life, living idyllically with little care. she was brought up to be kind and compassionate. her mother ran a sanctuary for local, injured wildlife and her father was a passionate journalistic photographer who travelled the world. she was exposed to culture, love, and nature when she was younger, and it shows to this day.

life was not to be all sunshine and rainbows for noelle. at sixteen, her father got caught up in a warzone, shot in action and killed on the spot. noelle’s mother experienced a complete psychotic breakdown, unable to look after herself, let alone noelle. the young girl watched, helpless, as the woman she had admired for so many years disappeared, taking the final memories of her beloved father with her. noelle was sent to live with her aunt in america, a continent that didn’t favour girls as gentle as her.

she quickly realised her only friend and ally in this new place was her cousin, louisa. her aunt was a horrible, hard woman who seemed to hate both of the girls with a seething passion, and her uncle leered at noelle whenever he could, copping feels and whispering inappropriate nothings into her ear. noelle and louisa protected each other, spent most of their nights out, eventually finding trouble.

noelle met him when she was on the brink of turning eighteen. maybe that’s what he used to justify it in a state where the age of consent was 16. robert misfer was rich. he was the diamond in their city. he paid for everything and anything anyone could ever want. he got whatever he wanted, and he wanted noelle. she was young, she was impressionable, and she fell so madly in love with someone she thought was her prince. they dated for four years when she should’ve been with boys her age. he had a wife and kids. she had her high school diploma. he put her through university. she answered his every beck and call. louisa tried her best to stop her, but what could she say? robert took noelle from the prying eyes of her uncle. in noelle’s eyes, they weren’t the same.

sometime during this whole ordeal robert bought noelle and louisa an apartment, allowing them their independence at the cost of noelle’s dignity.

until one day, robert disappeared. he had moved away with his family the day after noelle’s graduation. she was destroyed. she couldn’t do anything for weeks straight, louisa could do nothing except convince her to keep living – and eventually, she began to recover.

that was when louisa revealed a secret – cam work. noelle was in a bad place, she was a beautiful young woman who felt unloved and unwanted, so louisa suggested she cam on the side for cash. louisa didn’t realise just how desperate noelle was for love, the love she had replaced with the attention she gained from her fans.

she worked as a cam girl for years, doing it partly for the money, partly for the enjoyment she got from feeling empowered, and partly for the toxic reason of finally being able to get the affection and attention she wanted. she loved being a cam girl, it was her whole life, until word got out in their neighbourhood.

they shunned noelle. treated her as if she should’ve been ashamed of what she’d been doing despite the fact they all did much worse behind closed doors. she withdrew into herself again for a week, stopped streaming completely and closed down her account. it rocked her fanbase but noelle could hardly cope. she wasn’t built to receive criticism like this, especially criticism for something that had brought her so much joy, something she saw nothing wrong with.

it all came to a head one night. noelle had locked herself in her room when her aunt and uncle came to their apartment, demanding to see her and berate her for what she’d done. louisa stood at the front door, defiant, radiant, beautifully strong... but she was no match for their horrendous uncle, her own father, who beat his own daughter with his bare hands until she couldn’t breathe. noelle witnessed it all, had left her room when she heard the screams, held her cousin – no, her sister – in her arms as she died on their living room floor. her uncle had disappeared by the time the police arrived, and once the police themselves learned of noelle’s job? they could barely afford her a drop of respect. louisa’s death went unpunished. the world continued revolving. noelle was lost.

the harassment eventually got so bad that she had no choice but to move, but where was she even supposed to start? it’s not like she had any family anymore, all of her friends had long since abandoned her to avoid the fallout of knowing her, and the last boyfriend she’d had... well, we all know how that went. it wasn’t until she stumbled upon an old newspaper clipping tucked away in her cousins belongings that she knew where to go – victoria.

as morbid as it was, the newspaper clipping described the deaths of fifty of the victoria residents at the bronze, and noelle knew immediately it was where she needed to be. no one would judge her there. it was a place seeped full of history that people daren’t speak of. it was somewhere she could hide, and that’s what noelle did best.

she successfully moved to victoria four years ago, where she finally restarted her cam girl career. eventually, after a year, someone involved with the bianchi family sought her out and offered her the job of a lifetime. not only was noelle protected as an escort, she earned much more money. whilst in her day to day life she was still awkward and shy, her camming allowed her to separate her job from her personal life, letting her focus on her goal of making people happy and making her a very effective escort.

she loves animals! loves nature! wiccan! this will all be in her stats but like !!!! U NEED TO KNOW !!!!!

PERSONALITY –––

noelle, despite everything, is perhaps the most tenderhearted person you could meet. she’s gentle, trusting, and patient. she treats everyone as if they’re the most precious person in the world and looks at everything with a sense of wonder and amazement. she’s v generous, just loves !!! helping people !!!

wishes she was a princess and is waiting for a prince to sweep her off her feet. i’m not joking. literally loves love and romanticises everything like jesus shut up noelle please.

she has no backbone. her parents, and then louisa, were her backbone for her entire life, protecting her and coddling her until it was too late for her to develop a spine of her own. she allows people to walk all over her with no consequence, lets them use her until there is nothing of her left, and she’s the one forced to rebuild. but it doesn’t matter, if the other person is happy, that’s all noelle wants.

she’s surprisingly elusive and distant about her past. whilst her warmth radiates into every part of her life and other people’s lives, noelle... doesn’t talk about her past, where she’s from, and if the conversation ever veers that way she’s a pro at steering it differently. no one ever thinks anything of it because of how open she seems to be, but truthfully she’s incredibly private, nobody truly knows much about her of worth at all.

she’s pretty emotional (shock) and cries a fairly decent amount. she doesn’t deal well with being shouted at or scolded, but she does well at hiding her tears in those situations and has learned to separate that from when people are genuinely pissed at her. she cries more when people are in pain, are upset, or if someone’s genuinely hurt her.

that’s it

it’s over

thank god

#❛ · ˚ . — 𝒗𝒊. casey frey fan club! › out of character.#victoireintro #love island is on !!!! i'm distracted !! forgive me !

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hasnaluthfyh · 4 years

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SO,

like 20 minutes ago, i watched a video from Asian Boss. Here it is:

youtube

It's about unemployment rate in South Korea.

The point is, young people in S. Korea have difficulty in getting job. The men have to enter the military so by the time they out, most of their female friends already got a job and it just get harder for them to find a job because they only want a job in a big company.

It's not only S. Korean's problem, it happens here too, in Indonesia. As person who still doesnt have a job for 3 months, this thing is so frustated.

I dont know why this happens. Still not getting the answer. But yes, back to the old days in the past, my mom told me to have my own business because it'll get more difficult for me to get a job. And it happens. Its sad that she's not here to guide me more in this shitty life.

Ok back to the topic. Well, it'll definitely easy for you to find a job if you: 1) rich af, 2) have a connection, 3) have a lot of experience. This time, when you want to have a subtle job, it means you works in a big company, you have to be super-extra-smart and supe-extra-good in everything. It sounds not realistic, but yes, actually there's some people like that. But sadly im not like that. Actually my 4 years of college is a trash, i'm so dissapointed on myself. And if i want to catch up with that, i have to take certificated training that cost almost 1 million per subject and thats just so.... expensive???? My parents already spent tens millions for nothing on my college and they still have to spend more money for this..... I cant :(

Im actually fine with working in small company. But still, i dont get that job. Im thinking to build my own business but im afraid to take the risk. I dont have a basic to start a business and im super-not confident :(

You know, i already in this state where im so frustated and depressed because failing to get a job and thinking to just end living my life. No, not a suicide but its more like i giving up on my dreams or whatever it is and just live my life like a zombie. Im so dead serious.

I put some screenshots of S. Koreans opinion on this unemployment rate problem but it's better if you just watch the video.

Well, i hope immediatly i can figure it out. What i want. Is it starting a business? Continuing my study? Keep finding a job that suits me?

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siredtofictionalmen · 5 years

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Insecurity 1: Being Overweight

Disclaimer: Everyone has gone through different experiences and this is my expierence. This falls into my number one insecurity and I need to let it out.

Warnings: fat shaming

Growing up I was thin, I ate whatever I wanted; chips, soda, junk food, fast food and never gain weight. Until I entered middle school I hit puberty and thats when I began to gain weight. Middle school was when I began to be more weight conscious. It was when I learn what the doctor would measure on the scale. How junk food made you gain weight. Learn how to starve myself and went through emotional suffering for something so insignificant; my weight.

For the years to come, I believe the numbers on a scale determine my worth and that I wasn’t “good enough, beautiful enough” because of the number on the scales, the shape of my body.

I wasn’t obese but I wasn’t model skinny nor was I thin. I was chubby. I had stomach rolls and I could never get rid of them. Wherever I was, I felt utter shame. I dont remeber a day in middle school were I felt confident, not even one. Sadly my family was there everyday to remind that I wasn’t thin, and that if I ever wanted to be I wouldn’t achieve it by eating like that, as my grandma would love to point out.

It all starts one day it was the first month of school. I had gotten my period for the fourth time and I remeber coming back from school. My grandma had gotten us McDonald’s to eat and I remeber there being chicken sandwhiches. The joy on my face when I saw McDonald’s soon would be let down by my grandma who passed me a salad. I frowned confused, I look at her and she told me it was for me. I told her its not what I like and she said I know but it’s healthy you need to change your habits the pounds you are putting on your getting fat. I quietly ate my salad quickly and went to the restroom. My grandma lived in a studio so the only room for privacy was the bathroom. I look at myself, pinch my chubby stomach and cried. Tears flowed down my cheek and I remeber tasting them when they came to lips how they tasted much better than the salad I just ate. Ashamed of my fatness I just sat on the toilet. I was 11 at the time and when my mom came home to pick me up my grandma made some more comments about my weight to my mother. I love my grandma and I know she did it because she cared for me but the way she made me feel that day and the rest of the years to come could have been avoided. I never enjoyed my middle school life because of my “guilt” of being fat.

The middle school I went to was so much worse. It was by a rich area and all the girls there were already wearing crop tops and short shorts. Like COME ON YOUR 12!!! Like how can the parents let them dress like that. Anyway I remeber most of the girls being skinny. I remember envying them and thier looks. I beat myself up everyday because I didn’t have the ideal body, skinny. I felt ugly because of it and I was depressed and because of it I never enjoyed my middle school.

The people who fat shamed me the most was my family. I have mentioned my grandma but lets talk about my mother. I love my mom and I know she loves me but I think some comments could have been avoided. I remeber once I was in 8th grade I was with my mother and she was talking to my aunt and my girl cousin about losing weight and then she said oh yes she needs to lose weight too, look at her hippo legs. She began to laugh, i chuckled looking at my legs so did my aunt and my cousin awkwardly laughed. I remeber that night I went to bed and I couldn’t stop staring at my legs I would squeeze them and the thought about cutting some of my flesh with a knife occured to me. I knew that wouldn’t help and I remeber thinking whats wrong with me. Who have I become. I never felt happy anymore I always wanted to be alone. I never wanted anybody to see me. I was ashamed, embarrassed of my chubbiness. My mom would take me to a restaurant and she would see an omd guy friend. I remeber him saying wow she getting taller. My mom would laugh and say yes she getting bigger and from the sides also. I would smile I hated that so much like she fat shames me enogh I dont need other peoples opinions on my weight. He never commented on it though and he was respectful when it came to me.

I started starving myself after new years. I was in the second semester of the 8th grade. I starved myself for two weeks and you could see change. I was becoming thinner, I was getting closer to what I always wanted to be skinny and beautiful. I remeber my grandma congratulated me but on the third week I couldn’t keep it up I began to eat much more than before and before I knew it I had gained weight and probably more than I was before. My grandma said it was such a shame. I remeber her frowning and nodding her head.

Highschool was so much better. I couldn’t believe it people were nice and it wasn’t like mean girls. Majority of girls at my school were chubby, thicc, overweight. I saw some thin but I felt like I fit in. I began to feel confident, comfortable in my own skin. My best friend was thin and I remeber her complaining because some girl called her skinny. I remebering wishing that’s something I could complain about and instantly I becam insecure again. I shrugged it off the next day. I felt ridiculous.

My best friend could eat whatever she wants and she couldn’t gain weight. I was jealous, envious I wish for her metabolism. I remeber telling her as a compliment that her fingers were long and she must of took it as offensive because the next thing she said was look at yours there fat. I remeber telling her that I meant it as a compliment and that I wish I had skinny fingers like her. She said my fingers were cute that they were tiny and that guys like tiny fingers.

I remeber my friend would call herself flat and I would always tell her shut up she has good body proportions. I told her she may not have big boobs but she has decent ones. I remeber telling her that at least her stomach wasn’t bigger than her boobs. At least she didn’t look deformed like me. She told me I wasn’t deformed and that I had a big ass. I would smile pretending that I was comforted when in fact I felt sick because I also had a big stomach.

My confidence really went up in highschool during freshman year when guys were lining up for me. FOR MEEE!!! I was surprise my mom once told me only fat ugly guys would be attracted to me if I continued at the weight I was. I was fed up and told her so what fat guys arent always ugly and they might actually have manners. Just because someones fat doesn’t mean they are ugly. At least I wouldn’t attract abusive alcoholics. I told her that and then I felt really bad. My dad was an alcoholic and so was her new boyfriend. It didn’t stop her from fat shaming me. I remeber she told me I can’t see move your fat ass legs. I cried that night. I remeber three different guys asked me to homecoming and they were fine as hell. I was surprise they liked me and even if a guy wasn’t that attractive and ask me out I still would have given him a chance being an expert with feeling ugly.

My friend constantly nagged about how no one had asked her to homecoming and how three guys already asked me. She called herself fat a couple of times saying she wasn’t pretty enough because she had been getting fat. I reminded her that she was beautiful and that she wasn’t fat and even if she was she would still be beautiful. She continued to call herself fat. During 6th peiriod she called herself fat a couple of times when let me remind you she was model thinnnnn. Skinny af!! I didn’t say anything because I felt like she could complain. I remeber a guy who sat in front of her and next to me would taalk to us. She went up to him and said I feel fat. He said you aren’t fat and hugged her. After she stop complaining. This just reminds me how most girls define thier worth from guys when we shouldn’t. Guys shouldn’t build our confidence but we should ourselves. I remeber making a vow whether I had guys lining up for me or not I would never let myslef down.

Now I barely finished my tenth grade and Im still overweight. Now that I dont let my mothers comments get to me and feel more confident I have more energy. I started exercising and still struggling with my eating habbits. What I learned and continue learning is that your weight does not define your worth. And fat shaming does not work. I read stuff online about how fat shaming motivates people to lose weight. As someone who has been fat shamed it just makes people hate themselves more and in my case I felt depressed. Depression only gave me less energy and no motivation whatsoever. Fat shaming is not the answer. First accept your body for what it is then if you want to make minor changes go for. Lose weight gain weigh whatever makes you happy but never let yourself down in order to achieve it. Remember weight does not equal worth or beauty. Your beautiful whatever shape you are. This is my experience and it still continues today. Also anyone can feel worthless even skinny ppl. If ur skinny friend cals herself fat remind her that she is not and that fat does not equal beauty. Never respond with look at me Im a cow. Never put yourself down to make someone else feel better and never put someone else down to mane ur self feel better.

#fat shame #shaming #overweight girl #skinny girl #skinny shame #fat girl #fatt #fat #skinny #fat shaminh #fat shaming #girl problems #weight insecurity #insecure #insecurities #day 1 overweight #being overweight

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eottoghe · 5 years

Text

Little Boxes - Twelve

A Jeonghceol Domestic AU where they live in suburbia with their six year old son Chan. Jeonghan is an active member of the PTA, a soccer dad and chauffeur, and a supportive parent all around. His loving husband cares deeply for his passions and will follow him to the end of the world if it keeps him and his family happy. Follow their journey as they get caught up in fun and zany adventures when they fall outside of the guide lines of your average neighbor. Don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I want to see how many different domestic prompts I can get out of this AU before I run out of steam.

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

NOTE: This is long af. My bad

Jeonghan, swathed in plum tinted sheets, sinks deep into his fort of pillows. He makes himself comfortable while waiting for Seungcheol to finish getting ready for bed. His husband takes his time washing his face in the bathroom, making light conversation about his day. Jeonghan starts dosing off every few sentences, startling awake with a distant uh-huh when Seungcheol calls his name.

When the familiar dip in the bed catches his attention, it takes all his strength to pry his heavy eyelids back open. Firm arms enclose around his waist and allow their bodies to curve around each other in a comfortable cradle. Jeonghan breathes in his body wash and nuzzles his face into Seungcheol’s shoulder.

Chan had fallen asleep almost immediately after dinner being absolutely exhausted by the day. Jeonghan made a point not to butt in too much when Chan was explaining the story of his battle wounds to Seungcheol. He wanted to hear his side and didn’t want the story to become about himself. That conversation would come when they’d had time to themselves.

And now was the time.

Jeonghan is the first to move, propping himself back up on his mountain of pillows. Seungcheol gives him some distance by retreating to his side of the bed (yes, they had designated sides although Jeonghan ventured into his territory religiously). Jeonghan breathes in a sharp breath before releasing it in a long, measured sigh. Seungcheol takes that as his cue to prompt him into telling what was on his mind.

“I didn’t want to say it when Chan was in the room, but what happened earlier really bothered me.”

“You know it isn’t your fault—”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. That’s not what I’m talking about.” Jeonghan huffs, with a wave of his hand. It was like the scene was playing in front of him all over again and just the thought of it made his anger bubble up, tension building like a migraine growing from the base of his head. Not meaning to have snapped, Jeonghan reaches out to take Seungcheol’s warm hand in his. “I mean… Yes, I’m upset I wasn’t there to prevent it, but I’m also aware that these things happen and that I should give Chan some breathing room. But there was something else…”

“Something else?” His husband raises a skeptical brow.

“I’m not surprised Chan didn’t mention it. He probably didn’t even understand what was really going on.”

“Jeonghan, what are you talking about?” Seungcheol knows his husband is notorious for hyping up his own stories, dragging them on longer than necessary just for the anticipa-

tion.

“There was this guy…”

“Can you just tell me what happened?”

“Indulge me a little! It’s no fun if I just tell you.”

“It’s no fun if you don’t.” Laughing, Seungcheol squeezes his husband’s hand to encourage him to go on. “I’m sorry. I’m listening.” His broad smile never leaves.

“I was going to say… there was this guy. The child that pushed Chan? Her parent. Or guardian or whatever the hell he was.”

“What about him?”

“He was unapologetically rude and I wanted to shove him face first into the dirt.”

“Oh?”

“The worst part? I know this person… Sort of.”

“Oh??”

“I’ve met him before and it was not a good encounter. He was an asshole then and is one now and it’s just mind blowing that this type of human can survive in a world like this.” Jeonghan lets the frustration in him grow and grow, remembering every little detail of every single time he felt wronged by the other. Just him breathing irks him.

Seungcheol’s poor hand is being squeezed within an inch of its life, but he tries his best to be the attentive, caring husband Jeonghan needs him to be. Although no words come to him but…

“That’s sucks, babe.” He likes digging his own graves apparently.

“You can sound a little more enthused. It won’t kill you.”

“It just might.” Seungcheol plays dead, sticking his tongue out and rolling his eyes to the back of his head. He should have expected the painful jab to his stomach in response. Jeonghan lets go of his hand (thankfully) and lets his arms cross tightly over his chest instead. “You should have sent him flying. If you run into him again, give me a call and we can take him on together.” Seungcheol sits up languidly, latching his arms back around his husband, leaving tender kisses along his nape, jaw and forehead.

“I love you, asshole.” Jeonghan rolls his eyes but leans into the touch further. “If Chan wasn’t watching, he definitely would have gotten his ass kicked.”

“Sure, babe.”

They turn out the lights and drift to sleep.

“Hey bud! We’re gonna be late for school!” Seungcheol packs his son’s backpack, only slightly annoyed Chan hadn’t done it the night before like he asked.

They are off to a rocky start this morning. Jeonghan, the true driving force of early morning school duty, is gone already. He’s a freelance photographer (had gotten fed up for paying an arm and a leg for shitty Christmas card photos and decided to do it himself) and booked with some hardass, rich couple to get the best sunrise shots for an engagement announcement.

So, Seungcheol is left with the tedious task of getting Chan up and ready for school. He slept through the alarm Jeonghan set for him being so used to ignoring it in the first place. And every other minute obstacle arises just to spite him. Thankfully Jeonghan had both packed lunch and made breakfast before he left so as soon as Chan is clothed, he scoops him up and tosses places him in the car.

All these streets look exactly the same. It’s a wonder Seungcheol doesn’t get lost more often. If it weren’t for muscle memory, he probably would be trapped in the suburban neighborhood for the rest of eternity.

Despite his best efforts, he still shows up ten minutes too late. The music teacher—the one Chan always says smells like bologna—flags him down to tell him he cannot pull into the drop off lane. He has to sign Chan in. Okay, fine.

It wasn’t fine.

There is a line of around 5-10 other students who need to be signed in and Seungcheol really can’t afford to be late to work. Again. He taps his foot impatiently, glancing at the clutter of people in front of him. How long does it take to write down a name and sign a damn sheet of paper?

“Daddy?” Chan, hand curved around his dad’s larger fingers, tugs him closer. “Are you okay?” He has this saccharine look with his eyes all wide and concerned.

Once Seungcheol realizes his frantic energy is rubbing off on him, he takes extra care to relax. His jittery foot stops tapping and he focuses his full attention on Chan, eyes no longer flitting around the room.

“I’m awesome! Just excited for another day.” And terrified I’ll get caught right in the thick of rush hour traffic. Chan nods, unconvinced.

“Okay.” They take a step forward each time a person disappears from the front of the line. As soon as he gets to the counter, he’s filling out Chan’s name, grade, and the time they got here with sonic speed. The pen markings are barely legible.

He swoops down, landing a quick kiss to Chan’s forehead and wishes him a great day. The child takes off, running to class as quickly as he can manage with his two-sizes-too-big backpack while Seungcheol rushes out the front office.

It’s just Seungcheol’s luck that he ends up running into someone on his way out. Like physically running into them. If the solid mass of a human he knocked into was smaller the force may have knocked them off their feet. But instead, he goes stumbling backward. How embarrassing.

He apologizes like crazy, bowing once and when he comes up, he’s staring into the shocked face of an old classmate.

“Jang Doyoon?” He asks slightly in disbelief.

“Choi Seungcheol!” The other’s face lights up like he’s… well like he’s greeting a really old friend he hasn’t seen in years.

He sees him holding the hand of a little girl, couldn’t have been much older than his own kid. He gives an inviting wave to her, but she remains passive staring at him like the stranger he is.

“Sera, be nice.” Doyoon scolds the child and she concedes. Waves at Seungcheol, pouting still. “Sorry. She’s not much of a people person. It’s so good to see you though!”

“Definitely, you too. It’s been years! But I’m actually running late for work, so...” Seungcheol nearly forgets he’s trying to beat the traffic to get to his job at least within the grace period given. Seungcheol is doing everything he can to keep his feet planted, but he’s so close to his car, it’s pulling him in. Don’t get him wrong, he really would love to stay and chat, but one red light could lead to his ultimate downfall. In his mind, if he can beat it by one minute, he’s saved.

“I understand that.” He chuckles. “Hey, we should catch up sometime.” Doyoon’s reaching for his pocket, pulling out his phone. Sera is tugging on his hand, urging him to take her in the school.

“Yeah. Of course!” Seungcheol gives his number while the other types it in and with an energetic wave, they see each other off. Wow. What a morning.

Seungcheol does end up late.

“How do you just make plans without asking me if I want plans? There was barely any time to get ready.” Of course, Jeonghan does have enough time to get ready, but only physically. Mentally he is still trying to build up the energy to face another human today. As soon as Seungcheol messaged, “Hey I know it’s last minute, but I met up with a friend and he invited us to dinner :D ”, Jeonghan felt his stomach lurch in panic. It catches him off guard and leaves him scrambling. Who is this person? What kind of outfits should they wear? First impressions are everything.

“I know, Hannie. I’m sorry, but he just seemed so excited to meet up and I wanted to show you off a little.” Seungcheol says the last part a little deeper, hushed and sultry like. God, he knows Jeonghan’s weaknesses like the back of his hand.

“I guess that makes it a little better.” Seungcheol’s hands travel to the small of Jeonghan’s back, pulling him in for a tender peck on the lips. “Okay, but next time please give us at least a few hours in advance. I don’t even know where we’re going. What if this person is a serial killer?”

“I can assure you he isn’t. We were actually—”

“I can’t find Bumblebee!” Chan shrieks like a crack of lightning, descending the stairs with thunderous footsteps. “I just had him!”

Seungcheol audibly groans, looking at his watch. “Do you really need him? We’re going to dinner, not a play date.”

“I need Bumblebee!”

“I’ll go help him look.” Jeonghan places a quick kiss to Seungcheol’s lips before allowing Chan to lead him to the last place he saw it.

“It’s gotta be quick bud, we’re running late. I’ll be in the car.” Seungcheol yells behind the crew, grabbing the keys. This whole day he felt like he was running behind. Tonight is no different.

Seungcheol rings the door bell then takes a polite step backwards. His husband and son are flanking him on either side, the picture-perfect family standing in a proper line.

They wait.

Then wait some more.

There’s no movement on the other side. No shuffling or dog bark or tell-tale sign of human life at all. Seungcheol checks his watch making sure the time is right. He steps forward once again. Rings the doorbell, holding down the button a little longer so the diiiing dooong rings out loud and slow. He steps back. He waits again.

“Are you sure this is the right house?” Jeonghan asks, looking around. They aren’t too far from their own neighborhood, yet somehow this one feels a world away. For one, the houses have different layouts and designs from each other—completely contradicting the uniformness of his own. The streets don’t all form perfect blocks with perfect right angles. And when you ring the doorbell, people apparently don’t immediately answer. Yes, very different.

“Yeah… I mean unless the GPS was wrong.” Seungcheol scratches the back of his head. He reaches forward once more to try the doorbell again and to his surprise the door swings open. Doyoon is standing there catching his breath.

“Sorry. I was in the bathroom and Sera refused to get the door. I told her we were… having… guests…” Doyoon’s smile drops at the same rate his words peter out. He’s now staring agape at this odd turn of events. Jeonghan is startled as well, jaw slack, truly stunned.

“What are you doing here?” Jeonghan asks dumbly. He looks to Doyoon and then to Seungcheol and back to Doyoon. He’s feeling a strong sense of betrayal. He’d never really mentioned that Doyoon was the person he’d met at the park, nor had he mentioned them knowing each other in college. As far as he knew, Doyoon wasn’t on Seungcheol’s radar. But now he’s claiming to be old friends!

“I live here...” Is what Doyoon replies with. They fall into an intolerable silence shortly after. Jeonghan is looking down at the shoddy “Welcome” mat like it offends him. Doyoon is shifting his feet with an expression Seungcheol can’t really place. Awkward is an understatement.

But Seungcheol is determined to have his old best friend and life partner get along. Instead of plummeting face first into the bottom of a pit, Seungcheol tries to save their sinking ship by saying,

“So you two know each other already?” Though not even his sunshine smile can melt away the icy winter forming between the two.

It was going to be a long night.

Kids have this wonderful way of getting over grudges: apologizing once, hugging it out, bonding over some animated TV program they both adore. It’s precious how simple their problems seem, how easily they are resolved. Jeonghan is envious that his own life lacks that simplicity.

For the kids, it’s as easy as Sera saying sorry with a shy frown on bow shaped lips and hands clasped nervously behind her back. She is kinda cute when she’s not trying to look so mean. Jeonghan is happy that his kid made up with his bully and that she seems to feel remorse for her actions. Did he fully forgive her for hurting his baby? No. But he’s an adult so he has to be the bigger person.

Well… in that situation. But in facing his own bully, he wasn’t too keen on forgiving and forgetting.

Doyoon didn’t go into the specifics of their encounters, only briefly explaining that they had known each other vaguely during the year he left their university. He completely grazed over it in conversation and something about that irked Jeonghan more than he thought it would. Reading the vibe, Jeonghan was courteous enough not to reveal the extremes of their dynamic at the dinner table. Instead, he nodded and shrugged it off. Oh, he’d have a field day as soon as they made it home!

Seungcheol and Doyoon caught up over small things, big things, all things. Things Jeonghan didn’t understand nor really care to. And it became abundantly clear after the third time Jeonghan tried to add to the conversation that he was out of his element.

Each time he tried to interject, it would casually get cut off or the conversation would die shortly after. So, petty as it may be, Jeonghan decided to sit back with his arms crossed, trying his best to not let his dejection show.

Not that it really mattered. They didn’t seem to notice. Not when he slammed down his chopsticks a little too harshly after Seunghcheol incessantly complimented Doyoon on the delicious dinner, bragging on his cooking skills from “back in the day”. Not when Jeonghan huffed under his breath during a recanting of that one crazy professor they mutually hated their first year of uni together. The kids, oblivious as ever excuse themselves to play with some toys in Sera’s play room and now Jeonghan is alone. He feels like the third wheel even though he’s with HIS husband!

Jeonghan doesn’t understand why its so easy for Seungcheol to get along with him anyway. He can’t even stand to look at his face, let alone cordially communicate with him. Jeonghan leans back into his chair, a bored expression morphing his usually gentle features into a cold, distant glower. It’s not like he can just scream “Hey! Your friend’s an asshole and doesn’t deserve our time!”

Well…

He flicks the thought away no matter how tempting it is. He’s an adult now, not a haughty college student. He’s not that same impulsive 22-year-old, fishing for drama and seeking out spilled tea. He’s not that same kid that would have caused a huge scene and embarrassed Doyoon by calling him out in front of his daughter and throwing some underhand comment about how he’s a bad influence to his own damn kid.

“-han?”

“Huh?” Jeonghan is reeled back in feeling a bit guilty for his mean slew of thoughts.

“Are you okay?” Seungcheol asks. Jeonghan gives a lopsided shrug and tries to be responsive by bringing a bit of color back into his expression. But even he can tell its perceived as forced. He’s honestly never been that good at hiding his emotions.

“I think I know…” Doyoon begins and this does peak Jeonghan’s attention making him sit a little straighter and loosen the tightened cross of his arms. “I… I’ve been meaning to apologize actually.”

Seungcheol draws his thick brows together in a perplexed frown. He licks his lips trying to assess the situation, squinting slightly between the two to decipher whatever coded language they’ve been conversing in all night.

He can’t really be that dense, can he? Fuck, I married this idiot. Jeonghan thinks offhandedly.

Doyoon continues, “I will admit that we didn’t get off to a good start when we’d first met. We had our differences.” Differences my ass, Jeonghan thinks. You spilled hot coffee on me, stained my favorite shirt, and never said sorry. “I wasn’t in the right state of mind back then and was kind of bitter about the situation I was in. I guess it’s kind of obvious, but I never got my degree. Sera came and I had to put everything on hold to take care of her when her birth mother decided to run away.”

Aww boo hoo, Jeonghan thinks. Of course, he has some tragic sob story. And it’ll definitely work on Seungcheol. He’s always been the weak one. But as Jeonghan thinks more on it, it is a pretty unfortunate story. He couldn’t imagine being left to raise Chan on his own in the middle of thesis work. And although Jeonghan can sympathize, he doesn’t think people should use their shitty circumstances to justify their shitty behavior.

Seungcheol looks so invested, he can practically see the popcorn and Icee in his hands as the movie unfolds in front of him.

“So I guess it’s long overdue, but… I am sorry. For all the shitty things I’ve said or done to you.” Doyoon takes a big breath and lets it go, exhaling all of the pent-up negativity he’s harbored in his chest since what seems like forever.

“And the incident at the park?”

“YOU were the one Jeonghan wanted to slam in the dirt?” Seungcheol eggs on.

Jeonghan nervously chuckles and lands a sharp kick to Seungcheol’s shin.

“Right… It was an off day, but I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. After the fact, I realized it wasn’t the politest reaction, but I talked to her about it right after and explained that what she did wasn’t okay… And I’m sorry for that too.”

Jeonghan thinks it over for a second, expression unwavering for a while before saying, “Apology accepted.” He shrugs, “Our kids seem to be getting along well and I would hate for any grudges we have against each other to ruin what could be a nice friendship. Plus, you aren’t that bad, I guess.” His aloof words are betrayed by the growing smile teasing his lips. He hates now more than ever that he can’t hide his emotions better.

“Wow. I still feel like I’m missing so much.” Seungcheol chimes in cocking his head to the side.

Both Doyoon and Jeonghan simultaneously roll their eyes.

“Maybe we can set up a play date later and try this again?” Doyoon asks, unsure.

“I think that’s a good idea.”

“That did not go at all like I expected.” Seungcheol huffed, falling back onto their couch haphazardly. His arm instinctively found its way around his husband’s shoulders. What he didn’t expect was for him to shrug it off and stare cross armed at him. He’s been doing that a lot lately.

“Yeah. Same.” They’d put Chan to sleep and now were left to their own devices.

“Are you mad? I really didn’t know. I didn’t know he was the one.”

“I’m not mad. Anymore.” But the same indignant expression remained resolute.

“Then why are you scowling at me?”

“Oh please. I’m too handsome to scowl.” Seungcheol reaches out to poke his cheek and Jeonghan mocks biting his finger off.

“Looks like a scowl to me.” He drags Jeonghan into his arms even with the other still stubbornly closed in on himself. “Then what’s wrong? Didn’t you resolve everything?”

“He’s not the one I’m mad at!” Jeonghan whines into Seungcheol’s bicep, the strong hold around him smothering and comfortable.

“Ah! So you are mad?”

“Not necessarily. I just… you two got along really well and then Chan made up with Sera and then it was just me.”

“Babe,” Seungcheol has this big ass smile on his face when he pulls back enough to look at Jeonghan. “Were you… jealous?”

Jeonghan scoffs. What? Him? Choi Jeonghan jealous? Yeah right!

Well…

Yeah… right.

“Everyone was on his side and I was like the only one in the room that couldn’t relate to anything or add anything to the conversation. You have no idea how frustrating that is!”

“Hannie, you know I’m always on your side, right?” He places a soft kiss on his lips and Jeonghan’s solid resolve finally starts to crack. He nods.

“I know.” He snuggles closer, finally releasing his arms from their defensive position to wrap them around his husband. “But you should start complimenting my cooking like that!”

“Alright. Alright.” They laugh until it trickles off into calm sighs and spend the rest of their night giving cheesy compliments for the most mundane things.

A/N: I am so sorry that took so fucking long lmao. It’s DONE. HAppy Birhtday to meeee.

Next Chapter

#jeongcheol #jeongcheol fanfic #coupshan #seunghan #jeonghan #seungcheol #seventeen #baby chan gets hurt #doyoon

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streamofconsciousnesshorror-blog · 5 years

Text

Bird Box - Steam of Consciousness

Bird Box

I am about to sit and watch this movie. I’ve heard a lot about it and it seems to be the thing to see at the moment. Not sure what I’m going to make of it…

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS (obv)

Oh, Sandra Bullock

She seems nice… not!

“Boy and Girl”??

Aww, they’re cuties.

Oh no, not birds! I don’t want to see animals getting hurt.

So, what if they peek underneath the blindfold? That’s not taking them off…

They can see through them slightly it appears.

Have those kids really got all their belongings in those teeny tiny backpacks?

Oh, where do I know her from? The woman who just came in…

An “Arabian Stud”???

Okay, so Sandra’s character has… issues!

Getting over a break up?

And she’s preggers?

Oh I see, very preggers. lol

Sandra’s had work done, botox!

Euw, see that’s why I never wanted pregnancy — the throwing up!!

OMG, is she doing that to protest the orange velour tracksuit??

Okay, they’re all committing suicide. Here we go.

Damn, Sandra’s face is messed up!! She can’t move it anymore! She’s got no facial expressions!

DAMN, I doubt the unborn baby will survive that crash!

WOAH — actually saw her body getting splattered on that lorry!

This is disturbing.

They see loved ones before they kill themselves it seems.

Impressed so far, it’s really well done. I’m totally using my touch typing skills here, so I don’t have to look away!

You’ve got every stereotype here; murderous, gumpy old man, meathead white dude, hippy white chick, rich old white woman, token black guy, token hispanic looking girl, token Asian guy, got it all covered!

Oh there’s two black guys. lol

Supermarket Charlie. lol

Sandra not looking too good with that pregnancy.

Wondering where these two little kids come into it…

Ffs angry old man, it wasn’t her fault someone went out to try and help her.

Sandra in bed with full make-up on! As you do.

Oh great, is this one of those jumping backwards and forwards in time movies? Hate that.

Okay, her hair’s WAY longer here.

Oh those sweet little birds. Please don’t let them die!!

Oh of course, BIRD BOX!! Duh. I’m slow.

Okay I recognise the angry old man. I just can’t place him. IMDB time!

Nope, I know the name John Malcovic, but I can’t work out what I’ve seen him in.

Oh. Is this one pregnant or just fat?

Oh, pregnant. A friend for Sandra.

She was starving? Really?? K.

Why don’t I know anyone’s names yet?

What the hell are they doing now? Their plan went way over my head. lol

Asian guy is smiley, huh?

What’s Sandra got on her feet??

Just busting some stretches with my ass in the air, seems as good a time as any.

I thought pregnancy made your hair shiny and healthy! Not in this woman’s case.

Oh SHIT, it can be transmitted through a SCREEN!!

Oh dear, Asian guy’s a gonna!

But he didn’t see a relative beforehand, he just saw a black shadow.

“Thought it might be good for us to be close”… no luv, bugger off! lol

Shut UP! This big woman doesn’t stop talking.

WOW, that is some kitchen! #kitchenenvy

Ooookay then! Sex! lol

Sandra and this black guy are hitting it off!

I’m only calling him “black guy” because I literally don’t know any of their names!! Not sure if we’re supposed to or not, but…

Oh, back to the future again.

The length of her hair is making it look like this is YEARS in the future!

Who’s this tubby ginger git!?

Get him girl!!!

What was that about then? He wasn’t trying to kill himself, he was trying to get her blindfold off.

Back to the past — where are these two kids??

“why don’t i go on the first run, and you go on the second run”, she really doesn’t want that chatty pregnant woman around her. lol

Okay, but driving with blacked out windows just using a GPS is committing suicide anyway… may as well just walk out there as you are!

GPS picks up dead bodies apparently! lol

“Its just a speed bump”. Nah, it’s not mate!

All it needs is that thing to smash their windows!

GPS also picks up supernatural beings. Where did they get it from?

THEY ARE NOT SPEED BUMPS!

Okay, they’re there. So now what?

They DO look funny, gotta be honest!

“Jack-fucking-pot” lol

I would grab ALLLL the chocolate!

Hot black dude wants to bang Sandra.

Sandra is trying to smile at you, my dude, she just can’t move her botoxed face very much! Just FYI.

Aww, the birdies.

So get them some damn food and water then. Ugh!

Angry old man is gonna croak it first.

Someone’s knocking — is this the kids? But going by Sandra’s hair they can’t even have been born yet! Or barely.

Nope, it’s some guy.

He’s coming in no matter what.

Oh no, Supermarket Charlie just sacrificed himself!

Well they got back relatively easily.

Sandra’s REALLY got daddy issues!

“The hair is different… he had some” Ooh savage!

Okay, what are the two hippies doing? Ah we have names, Lucy and Felix. Shame they’re just about to die!

Oops, back to the future!

Here are these two cute kids who came from nowhere. They don’t look like twins, so they can’t be both hers or both the big woman’s!

Oh, one of the teeny tiny backpacks is gone!

Just keep worrying about the birds.

Oh it’s windchimes, I thought… never mind.

Did she REALLY think that string would last forever?

Oh shit, kids, get back down!!!

PUT THE BLINDFOLD BACK ON, WOMAN!!!!

So this thing will try to get to them, even if they’re blindfolded.

Nooo, little girl. You’re too adorable to get killed.

Blimey, she’s really rough with those kids. She’s like a drill sergeant!

“Its the end of the world”, may as well stop all the small talk and get on each other then!

Just sayin…

Erm, does he want to feel your baby bump luv? I think he’s more interested in just above or evenjust below that.

Back to the future!

Sandra with the Long Hair.

And back to short hair Sandra again.

Why are they so scared of a new guy coming in, this thing makes people commit suicide, not attack others?

This guy’s British! He must be protected.

British accent with an American twang. lol

Oh okay, so there’s another stage to it, where they’re happy and want everyone to see.

Angry old man has lost it!

OMG, THE OLD WOMAN HAD HER MOMENT!!! lmao

This big woman is SO fucking annoying

Her parents and her husband bought her all the FOOD.

“If something happens to me, I want you to take care of my baby”… perhaps one of the two kids is hers then. Must be both their kids.

Oh, the girl is hers then. The boy is Sandra’s I guess. But why call them Girl and Boy at the beginning?

She’s not very maternal is she? She talks to these kids like they’re annoying adults. lol

Hmm, so who looks? Your kid, or her kid?

What is this shite music?

Big Woman’s about to drop!

Sandra won’t be far behind by the looks of it.

Why does the British guy keep eyeing those sweet birds?

Yep, her waters have broken.

May have to look away if we’re seeing a birth.

WTF? Two screaming women giving birth at the same time?

Yeah, drown them out with music! lol

This British guy is fucking weird. And he can leave those birds alone.

Nice drawings… yeah he’s fucking crazy.

Boy is now born.

WHAT IS BRITISH GUY DOING WITH THOSE BIRDS??

NO, FUCK YOU! PUT THOSE BIRDS DOWN!!!!

OMG!!! He’s pulling the papers off the windows. He’s put the birds in the freezer.

GET THEM TF OUT!

Aww, well done black dude! Sorry he knocked you out.

OH SHIT — HE WANTS THEM ALL TO SEE!

Girl is now born.

Don’t let him near the baby!

“Can I see?” No, fuck off.

Oh no, Big Woman looked. Ugh.

You BASTARD, you made the old lady look!

Well this is a lovely start to life for those newborns. Welcome to the world, little ones.

Angry old man is going to save the day. Come on man, he’s getting closer, shoot him!!!

“Oi!” lol

There ya go, Angry Old Man is dead.

So the “infected” do kill others. At first all they did was commit suicide.

Who just shot who??

Oh phew! British guy is dead.

And now I know where the two kids come from…

Back to the future. And we now know it’s five years ahead.

So both these kids are the same age, but the girl looks younger.

Sandra looks better with long hair.

Oh, did she get it on with the black guy? Why don’t I know his name yet?

More sex! Bet the kids wake up.

Oh no… but we didn’t see anything. Damnit. lol

Damn that guy has an impressive upper body!

So wait, she’s going on the river on the word of some random man on a walkie talkie who said he has a “community”??

And why isn’t he with her? Does he die?

That little girl is sooo sweet. And I don’t even like kids usually.

I still don’t get why Sandra calls these kids “boy” and “girl”!

Oh chill out Sandra - allow your man to let the kids dream.

EXACTLY, give the poor kids NAMES!!

I don’t like Sandra.

Sandra looks blotchy.

I might start calling her “Woman”!

Yeah, Boy, Girl and Woman.

Wait are we back in the future again? So they did all go together?

Mmmm, Pop Tarts.

UNCOOKED Pop Tarts??

Oh shit, someone’s turned up.

Ah okay, they split up. I think the black guy’s about to get killed.

SHIT, this guy is a good aim with a blindfold on!

Ah no... he took it off. That’s it.

Aww, the sacrificed himself.

That’s it for him then...

WTF, HE SHOT HIMSELF!!!! NOOOOO.

Boy, Girl and Woman are really alone now.

Nice over-acting there Woman.

Very well done considering you can’t move your face.

She’s really shitty to those kids. I don’t like kids and I’d be nicer than that to them, besides they’re cute af.

Right we’re all up to date now with them on the river.

Boy, Girl and the birds to survive. Don’t care about Woman.

That’s a nice fashion statement - cut a hole in your cuff and stick your thumb through it.

Bitch should be the one to take her blindfold off - THEY ARE LITTLE CHILDREN!!

And they’re out of the boat...

“GIRL, GIRL, GIRL” Ffs, names for them! It’s not that hard.

Aww, just want to take that little dumpling home with me - Girl that is.

Ooh, the entity is trying to get her to take the blindfold off.

Natalie... Emily... Madeline? Still can’t get her name.

Valerie?

Oh well, she’s still Woman to me.

NO, don’t do it Boy!

NO GIRL!!!

“My children”?? Is Sandra having a change of heart?

Girl is scared of Sandra - I don’t blame you sweet thing.

Awww, there she is. I may be tearing up a little...

Someone’s cutting onions in here, that’s all.

Why the hell can’t I make out Woman’s name.

Okay, it’s definitely Valerie.

So what they see is probably dead loved ones, like that woman at the beginning saw her late mother.

You’d think a powerful entity would’ve worked out how to remove blindfolds off potential victims, wouldn’t you.

For God’s sake, stop tripping up, Valerie.

“Just take the children”... follows them straight in!

Why the weird shots, why aren’t we seeing Rick?

Is it Rick Grimes? That’d be weird, huh? lol

OH, THEY’RE BLIND!!!

They’d be the only ones left I guess. And those who didn’t remove their blindfolds.

They’re letting the birds free. Bless.

They survived!!!

Someone’s cutting those onions again...

Boy has the most gorgeous eyes!

Oh bless, Olivia and Tom.

This is all bit too perfect - when does it go wrong?

No horror movie can end like this...

Tell me there’s more after the credits!!!

Oh my God, what an anticlimax. That was the shittiest ending ever!

Overall I’d give this movie a 6/10. I wasn’t bored stiff, but I was waiting for more to happen and it never did. The end was ridiculously stupid and I now know what people meant when they complained about it. What do you think. Please weigh in with your comments.

#bird box #birdbox #movie review #horror movie #horror #streamofconsciousness

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alirhi · 3 years

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I just want this done 😭

When I was 15, I started RPing with my friends over AIM. Usually we'd only stick with a particular story or set of characters (always original work; I wasn't much into fanfiction back then, though I'd started a few that never went far lol) for a session or two and then move on, but I had this one friend - we'll call her T - who had one character with a really rich, interesting backstory. We stuck with him and the boy I'd created to pair with him and just kept developing this story over several months.

My character, Zephan, ended up getting sidelined by another, much more interesting character who got added later, Kieran. And the first incarnation of what would eventually become the Crossroads series was born.

This is a really long rant, so I'll be nice and put the rest under a cut.

I have no fucking idea why T wrote with me, tbh. She was in her 20s. I was 15 and really annoying, and really bad at writing. 😂 I look back over that early material (and my ooc ramblings) and I want to die. Or reach back through time and slap that kid lmao. But anyway, for some reason this grown-ass lady put up with me, and my barf-inducing fawning over her character, and out of all that truly fucking awful writing, a pretty great idea came about.

I wasn't going to get into this, but then I realized context kind of matter lmao so here's a (hopefully) quick rundown on Crossroads 1.0:

Zephan is a bi cutie who meets a really hot guy, they hit it off right away (no insta-love, so at least I had that going for me lol) and start dating. They both have secret traumatic pasts neither is ready to reveal to the other, but of course, they come back to bite them in their respective asses. Zephan starts acting really strange; not moody so much as literally his entire personality changes. Eventually he learns that when he was a baby, he was possessed by this dying creature who needed a body - Kieran. And part of Zephan's trauma is actually linked to a monster from Kieran's past tracking him down. Kieran was weakened by the shit that almost killed him, so once he was safe in a new body, he kinda just went to sleep for 20 years. But then he started waking up and taking control of the body, which Zeph's not too happy about. They fight for dominance, hurting Zephan's bf in the process (emotionally lol not physically), and bf fucks off to a scary place from his past while Zephan and Kieran go to Kieran's home world to try to sort some shit out. It doesn't work. Eventually, they do figure something out with the help of one of Zeph's best friends, Leyna, who happens to be a super powerful witch. She splits them and gives Kieran a new body, he goes home to face his monsters, Zeph tries to find his bf... the whole thing was left unresolved because T and I drifted apart and I haven't spoken to her in like 17 years lol

in the meantime, I met a new bud. We'll call this one A. Me and A? IRL insta-love, yo! Not the romantic kind, but definitely BFFs from the second she first spoke to me. It's been a roller coaster since then lol. She's still very much in my life (is my unofficial sister) but our friendship has been nothing but drama the whole damn time. Not all of it was rl drama, though! A became my new RP partner! and guys, back in the day? This girl had some good ideas!

I can't remember anymore who was responsible for what. We spent years talking about this story... and not doing much else with it tbh. I got a little writing done here and there, but was hampered by all the rl fights and her flaking constantly, and when the drama got bad enough that we "stopped being friends" (every few weeks in high school lmao and a few times in our 20s), I had to go back and rewrite everything to get her contributions out of there.

It wasn't called Crossroads yet, btw. Until around 2012-ish, it was just this one story line - Achlais (T's suggested name for Kieran's world. I later learned that it's apparently Gaelic for "armpit" and was like "fuck that" XD but I loved the sound of it. so my friend - we'll call this one S - did some digging and found this really cool Greek deity Achlys and we were both like "yeah, that works." So...yeah. story was just Achlais/Achlys)

Achlais centered around Kieran and his struggles. Zephan became a footnote in this much more interesting character's journey. See, Kieran was born of trauma; he's a rape baby and the first thing he saw in the world was his mother being killed for having him. Never mind the fact that the man who killed her was his father and her rapist. Always blame the women, amirite? The cool thing is, though, daddy fucked himself over big time. Kieran was his first child, and by the very strict laws of their world (not Achlais; Kieran was born on a different world, called Takaldor, and then banished to Achlais) is the only legitimate heir to the throne. Oh, yeah. Daddy's King of Takalador. And mom? Mom's human, but she's also a Queen of another world in her own right. So enter leetle Kieran, heir to two thrones and shipped off to a third world and left to die. His body does, but his soul's too strong, so he body-hops for a while. Finds stillborn babies (no soul to fight him) and takes their bodies. Kieran gets to live, parents get to raise their child instead of mourning them. They never know their kiddo is actually just the vessel for a half-demon magical parasite lol.

It's in his last host body before Zephan that Kieran gets his name (mom was killed before naming him; he eventually found a host with a name he liked and kept it)... and also the bulk of his trauma. woo lol. He's kidnapped by the main villain, Kanaye (I was obsessed with A and K names in my teens. this story was rife with them until I painstakingly went through and changed as many as I could over the past few years), kept as a slave, bad things happen to him that I won't go into detail on because I forgot to put a trigger warning in the beginning. 😅 But just... really, really bad, traumatic shit. And even though his mind is fully grown at this point, his host body is a child (5ish when kidnapped, 7ish when Very Bad Stuff starts, 15 or so when he escapes. ...oh yeah, spoiler alert XD Kieran escapes). I had this policy that I still sometimes have trouble shaking off: I was never satisfied with my writing until it made me cringe (from ick factor, not from lack of quality lol. unfortunately, I have a very strong stomach and my tolerance for ick only grew as my writing got more icky lmao so... yeah. that snowballed.)

While in captivity/slavery, Kieran meets a girl also enslaved to Kanaye, named Amara (see? A and K names 🙄) and falls in love with her. He escapes, joins a gang (don't ask 😂 I'm trying to keep this as bare-bones as possible because there are a lot more stories than just this one in Crossroads), eventually when he thinks he's strong enough to take on this crazy demon wizard, he goes back to rescue Amara. he fails completely, Amara is mortally wounded, Kieran's host is killed, and Amara uses the last of her strength (she's magical af and that's why Kanaye kept her around) to push his soul to Earth. The whole thing with Zephan happens, just with a different bf who opens up this whole awesome subplot having to do with one of Achlais's moons. Anyway, when Kieran gets his own body back, he goes back to Achlais (where his enemy has literally taken over the world) and leads a war against Kanaye. Then he stands against his father to avenge his mother, and eventually becomes King of Takalador. unfortunately, it's a super ultra over-the-top racist world so they hate him for being half human, and there's like civil war and shit. fun stuff. Also, his mother is brought back from the dead lmao. There was stuff with different types of dragons, a whole slew of fantasy species and magic and y'all I have been building this world since I was 14 (yes, before the RP that kicked off the main plot. I had the world before I had characters or plot)

I would love nothing more than to go into excruciating detail about the worlds and their canon history and that awesome moon subplot and everything, but... I mean, look how long this already is, and I haven't even touched on the other stories yet lmao

The first non-Achlais/Achlys story to get linked to it was A's and my amazing (if I do say so myself lol) retelling of the war between the Biblical Heaven and Hell. It's told from the perspective of the First Fallen, and reframes the entire thing. Adonai (God, if you didn't know his name) is a psychotic fuckwit, there's an oft-repeated saying that no man is made more in His image than his Catholic priests, and Lucifer and his followers didn't fight for the throne or because they hated humans or whatever. that was all propaganda. They fought for their freedom, and they won. As part of the treaty that finally ended the bloodshed, they were given Hell but with the caveat that they have to torture the souls of evildoers. Kay, fine. They got a level for that lol. They finally have a home! They're safe from Adonai!

Until he breaks the treaty himself, determined to have his favorite pet back, and kidnaps Lucifer. His eldest daughter (a general who helped lead the first war) invades Heaven to get him back and a second war breaks out. The rescue attempt is ultimately successful, but Luci's just about fucking had it. There are all these rumors that Adonai can be killed, but because he created all things, kill him and reality unravels. Lucifer gives zero fucks. He's willing to put it to the test. Turns out is exaggerated... but pretty much true. The reality he created - Heaven and Hell - does depend on him being there and, y'know, alive lol. and so it all collapses when Luci kills him. The few survivors become refugees and they end up on - you guessed it! - Achlys!

There's also this whole other realm we created with our own made up Gods and Goddesses, that also comes into play and has its own story arc, but we'll get back to that. Just remember that the main Godly place is called Valdell.

Next we have the one I'm struggling with most rn, DJ's story. DJ is the oldest OC of mine in the entire Crossroads series. I made him up when I was 13/14. Originally, he was supposed to sort of blend into the background; he was just the bestie of the one I'd intended to focus on, Kali. but Kali's kind of a fuckhead and DJ was much more fun lol. They're both still in play, and still besties, but DJ is the main and Kali's just kinda there XD

Oh, DJ Gallagher, how I love thee, let me count the ways... On the surface, his story doesn't seem at all connected to the rest of the Crossroads universe (unless you're eagle-eyed and notice little Easter eggs here and there). There's no magic, it takes place entirely on Earth (in my hometown in the 90s, specifically lol)... doesn't seem to have much to do with this epic fantasy adventure. but oh, it does. DJ's got quite the future ahead of him... or did, when A was supposed to be writing this with me.

You know what? DJ's getting his own post. He deserves the attention lol. Just know that I love this boy, and his story is the part of this series giving me the most grief right now in my attempts to rewrite yet again to get all of A's crap out of the way.

Claddagh - Rebecca's story that I posted a bunch of snippets from a few days ago - is the next road added to Crossroads. What's her connection to all this? Well, in addition to her meeting Lucifer and his daughter/General Haliel, you learn that she is actually Rachel's (Kieran's mom) little sister. She's also the final piece of the puzzle at the end, in the one book that ties all of these stories together. Thankfully, despite many attempts to get her to, A never even tried to look like she was helping with this one. S was, back when we were friends, but she ghosted me in 2015, so I wrote her character out, replaced her with Fiona, and got a much better plot out of the deal, so that worked out lol. Thanks for being a bitch, S!

There are smaller parts, as well (Claddagh's planned to be a pretty long series, and so was Achlys when A was involved) - Dying Breed, in which Johanna's mother is abducted and skeptical, cynical Jo is forced to see a world of magic that her mom had been trying to show her (and protect her from) all her life; Annwn, where we're shown that Jo's mom actually knew a boy from DJ's story, Ice, and begs him to take on this insane quest that only gets crazier once he's actually on it; and the Winter trilogy, which genuinely started out as a joke, but my friends liked what I had, so I decided to keep it. That one's... it's different. XD it's a "reverse harem" story that gets pretty squicky. I'm not entirely sure how much of my original plan to keep. A never had a hand in any of this (though a mutual friend of ours, L, was briefly trying to help me with Dying Breed before she had to bow out) but just because it didn't come from our 2 AM spazz sessions doesn't mean all the ideas are good lol.

And then there's Heart and Seoul, which is actually a really long fanfic we wrote 11 years ago. We never finished it (almost, though) but it got popular for a while, so we decided to convert it to an original and, due to references mainly in DJ's story, it became connected to Crossroads. I was actually very happy to cut that lol. It's A's baby so I feel a little bad for saying this, but... I never loved that story as much as she did. It was fun for a while, but I'm so over it.

Valdell had its own trilogy planned, at first, too, but it was kind of just more of the same tired crap that one comes to expect from A - mpreg for the hell of it and a "doomed" romance. meh. On their own, they're not bad story elements if done right, but when it's literally every goddamn story she comes up with, it gets old real quick.

So that was Crossroads 2.0 - it went through many stages and rewrites, but that's the basic gist. We had this whole interconnected Whedonverse concept, and an MCU Phase 1, 2, 3 thing going on (Phase 2 was kicked off by one of the Valdell Gods getting fed up with all the mortals' bumbling and erasing all of existence except his home and the other Gods. his wife flipped shit until he remade it. DJ was brought back as a girl. wife was like "fucking really? are you kidding me?" so he rolled his eyes and fixed it, and DJ got a Phase 3. also, Lucifer got 3 phases because of some shit with the whole killing Addie thing and a boy named Cole...)

It got...complicated, to say the least. Convoluted is probably more accurate. So when I made the decision to cut A out once and for all instead of spending my life in limbo waiting for her to suddenly become reliable, I cut like... that whole MCU concept. I also cut out a lot of what happened in Achlys, and around 20 planned books got cut down to 5. and the whole struggle with DJ... character arcs that I loved are gone, that whole awesome subplot I mentioned in Achlys? gone. which means I have to rewrite shit all the way back to the first book, because it was an underlying mystery that persisted through the whole series!

A lot of stuff, I cut because it was just bad. Whether it came from her brain or mine, or this weird hive mind thing we have going on when we're overtired, doesn't matter. It was bad. Some stuff was great, but I cut it because it was either her idea initially (she used to be so creative before she dug herself a little rut and decided it was comfy and dis is home nao) or tied into her ideas and characters too tightly. I couldn't cut her Achlys characters, for instance, without cutting that mystery subplot even though the mystery was 100% my idea, because we'd worked together on building the shit necessary for it to exist, and solving it for the reader hinged on A's characters in the Zephan chunk of the story. and none of that is there anymore. Zephan's not a part of this at all. That whole story line is gone.

Unfortunately, erasing the Zeph part also erases Leyna and her brother Lucian, and Lucian appears in DJ's story and that was a clever little tie-in before, but now it's just... a random boy who appears for one scene and is mentioned once or twice, and that's it.

So it's been a struggle, to say the least. I don't know if I should stick to my guns and keep this new, much shorter Crossroads 3.0, or rework it one more time to keep these elements I loved...somehow. ugh.

fml.

#writer problems #crossroads #crossroads series #creativity #sometimes i have it #sometimes not so much lol #kill me #i wish i could just #snap my fingers and it's done #y'know?#halp #if any of this even made sense #any ideas?#i'm listening #long post #extremely long post #you've been warned

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musubiki · 6 years

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Oh! Oh! What do you think Leaf's and Green's childhood was like together?

NICE,,

➞

(this one actually will be a lil angsty)

the oaks have always lived in pallet town, the redwoods moved in when leafs mom was still pregnant, and her dad was still there. they ended up being great friends with the whole oak family!! at this time daisy was 5, and their mom was pregnant with green

leafs dad was a big adventurer type, his first love was his wife and his second was THE GREAT ADVENTURE he liked to explore other regions and such, and he was also fabulously rich (probably from his family). he died in an accident while off in another region before leaf was born, which is why her dad isnt around. her mom did inherit the money however, which is why the mom never had to work LOL

leafs dad is also the reason she went traveling later on. she thought that if she traveled she would somehow. find him. or connect with him in some way. like she would find him in the adventure out there. she never did.

green is about 2-3 months older than leaf!!! so he was born first, and then leaf, both beautiful babies!!!!!!

despite being born in the same town, they didnt start actually interacting until they were about 3 years old.

they first met when green was outside with daisy and their parents, and he looked over and saw mrs. redwood in her garden showing leaf all the pretty flowers. so ofc hes like. WOW ANOTHER PERSON!! FRIEND!!! and goes over

so hes all excited. but polite. with a “Morning Mrs. Redwood!! Whos that???” and leaf is shy af at this age. shes just quiet and kind of scared tbh. her mom has to push her towards him like “Say hi!”

leaf wore her hat all the time, and often hid her eyes because she’d been teased about it before. so greens smiling ear to ear because friend!!!! “Hi I’m Green whats your name???!!!”. hes a happy child. very exicted

and she answers with a really quiet “L-Leaf-” and he IMMEDIATLY “COOL!!!!!! LETS GO PLAY!!!!!” AND GRABS HER HAND AND DRAGS HER OFF TO GO PLAY SOMEWHERE

he was a very cute kid fyi. everyone in the oak family is phenominally beautiful and no one knows why. everyone loves him

so while theyre playing he asks why shes hiding her eyes, she answers because they look weird, and he laughs it off and says he wants to see. at first shes like no!!!! but he starts playfully fighting her over it and takes her hat off and he has this. wow moment. because. her eyes are like shining rubies and he just stares at her for. a reallly long time.

so shes blushing and gonna cry soon and says “I told you-” and meanwhile hes just. completely enamoured. and this moment pretty much stays with him for the rest of his life because he always thinks she has the most beautiful eyes.

so after a while of just staring at her his mouth is just hanging open and he blurts out “Pretty.” and SHES SHOCKED.. this is one of the reaons why starts to develop a crush on him.

ofc from this point on theyre like. best friends. they do everything together . its mostly green dragging her around doing dumb shit and eating daisys baking and watching tv. prof oak completly adores leaf and is thrilled that green is her best friend. he cant wait to see them as researchers or trainers. hes already brainstorming what pokemon he should give them first. hes planning their wedding 15 years in advance.

they spend a lot of time in the lab watching prof oak do his research and playing with his pokemon. he tells them a bunch of stories about his old adventures.

when theyre about 5 they watch one of the pokemon league matches being shown on tv and this is the defining moment. where they both decide independantly that “one day, im gonna be champion too”

greens parents support him 100%. his father tells him that he will always believe in him and that hes gonna be the best champion ever when he grows up, unlike any champion before him, and to never give up on his dream. this is the reason why green is obsessed with being the best trainer in the world.

when theyre 7, green and daisys parents die in an accident. this is the point where green gets more kinda bitter and nasty, and daisy becomes more mature and motherly. Its a few weeks after the funeral when leaf tries to go over and see green, daisy tells her he doesnt want to see anyone.

another few weeks after that, she finds him outside on the oceanside at the end of pallet town. even though leaf lost her father, she never knew him, so she’d never feel the level of hurt that green is feeling. at this age, she doesnt understand the gravity of the situation.

she asks green if he wants to play or watch tv. hes angry, and shes insistant, and when he yells at her to leave him alone, they have a fight. this is the point when green says something mean and hurtful to her and the point where they stop being friends and start being something closer to rivals.

after this leaf goes home and cries, and after a week or so daisy brings green over to apologize to her. hug it out kiddos.

over the years they develop into rivals over grades, sports, and literally everything else. despite their rivalry, theyre still surpringly pretty close, and they become the most competative pair of kids anyone has ever scene.

When theyre about 10 and throughout their middle school, green starts to develop into his snarky and arrogant self. the fact that hes the prettiest, smartest, most atheltic and teacher-beloved kid in school doesnt help his overinflated ego. he starts teasing and kind of bullying leaf more, though he still secretly watches out for her and backhandedly sticks up for her sometimes

meanwhile, leaf becomes more confident in herself and works her butt off to be right at the top with green in everything. even though green is being more of a jerk to her, she still sees that he cares when he does things like defending her against the other kids who make fun of her and grabbing her homework for her when shes sick.

green seems to pick on leaf a lot more now, and mrs redwood claims its because he has a crush on her. at this point, leaf starts to have a crush on green, which stays for p much the rest of her life LOL,,,,

prof oak is developing the pokedex this whole time. hes concerned about green because of how obsessed he is with being the best and worries he wont treat his pokemon right because hes seen this kind of behavior and motivations when he was on his journey (this story is for another time its long). so he wants green to be a researcher like him, but green is hellbent on being the very best. this puts a lot of tension on their relationship.

when they both get to trainers school(high school) DAMN THEYRE LIKE THE BEST STUDENTS IN THE DAMN PLACE. THEYRE BOTH FRICKEN BEAUTIFUL ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE WITH GOOD GRADES AND ATHLETICS AND EVERYONE LOVES THEM ITS FRIHFJGN…WEIRD…….all the girls like green and all the guys like leaf.,,.

leafs crush on green only gets worse, especially since he becomes this tall handsome snarky arrogant hot piece of ass that teases her. green never admits it but hes attracted to her too. he thinks shes the most super friggin cutest girl hes ever seen and he still loves her eyes. but he never says this so instead he picks on her lol.

greens whole trainers school life is p much just. having most of his classes the same as leafs, teasing her probably as an excuse to hang out with her in the halls, getting jealous of any other guy who tries to spend time with her because damnit thats MY RIVAL and whenever anyone sees him with her its just a long session of “…are you SURE he doesnt like her???” “man, idk anymore.”

and leafs trainers school life is trying to keep up with and competeing with green, getting flustered whenever he teases her, being the subject of A LOT of jealousy because she spends the most time with green out of literally anyone, and soft smiles whenever he helps/hangs out with her because shes just. a fool in love

when push comes to shove though, they actually care about each other a lot. green always sticks up for her when another guy or girl is picking on her, or if the teacher is being unfair, or if she gets in a fight with someone, and leaf always takes care of green, gets his homework for him and keeps him on his toes, and they help each other with school subjects and wait for each other after school to go home together and overall, it seems like they dont like each other but they have a good relationship.

#long post #again #anon #ask #headcanons #sorry i love them a lot #IM GETTIN A LOT OF HEADCANON ASKS TONIGHT WHERE YALL COMING FROM #or is it the same person like.....10 times.................

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sithlordintraining · 6 years

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She’s No Angel (Part 23)

A/N: Guys, everyone watch I, Tonya. It’s sooooo good!!! Like my parents are jumping off their rocker because they lived through it and they’re hype af talking about it. Also, watch Scandal because this show gives me LIFE!!

She’s No Angel Masterlist

You sighed reading the last page of the proposal of a new allying planet. There was a knock on your door, you pressed the button underneath your desk to open the blast doors. It was Lucky, with a tray in hand. You smiled up at him setting down your datapad. “You’re really taking personal trooper to the next level, you didn’t have to.” Lucky set the plate in front of you and snorted. “Yeah and if I didn’t Ren would have my head on this tray.” He removed his helmet and sat in the chair opposite the desk. You propped your head upon your hand wearing a bright smile at your best friend. “So you guys are talking?” Y/N teased. “It’s only about you, Angel.” He scratched his head. “So,” You shrugged. “After all this time, it took another technician.” Lucky groaned thinking about the girl. “Angel, we care about you and tease me all you want, there’s something about her that Ren and I just don’t like.” You removed the cover of the tray and begin to pick at the food in front of you. “Well, you’re right about one thing.” You ate a spoonful of the meal in front of you. “You and Kylo speaking about me is still good enough to make me happy that you two are speaking instead of at each others neck.” Y/N sighed leaning back in her seat. “Just imagine we can have so much fun on missions now and we could have dinner!” You jumped at the thought.

“Dinner?” Lucky smirked. “You, Kylo, Ava and me?” Your lips fell into a frown at the mention of the name. “Ava...doesn’t,” You failed at finding a good excuse. “Angel, whatever happened to you guys in the past it’s been years! You both have matured, so why can’t you move past it!” Lucky threw his arms up. “We are both in happy relationships and getting along with Ren, so.” You just sat there watching your hands in your lap. “I’m not mad Angel,” You felt the hard gloves brush against your scalp. “I just want the same effort for Ava.” After Lucky left, you sent Kylo a message regarding dinner plans for a double date. You set your datapad down and thought for a moment. This would be the first couple that you would be able to compare your relationship too. Ava and Lucky had had much more experiences than you and Kylo, so maybe it would be good for you to see that. It also worried you that someone other than the people you trusted was about to find about your relationship. A chime alert you of a new message from Kylo and somehow it had a warm feeling spread within your chest: Do you think we are ready? It could be interpreted anyway, but you saw it as nervousness and unsure which is how you felt now. Yes. Was all you wrote as you went; sighing you couldn’t be happier that everything was coming together.

Ava was no longer Lucky’s plaything and it was much easier since Angel had been preoccupied with something or someone else. There were rumors surrounding you and Kylo, especially since his face reveal. But everyone thought so highly of you and they knew you would never submit to him after everything that happened. This was the reason, that made you and Hux want to keep the relationship a secret. Also, Hux never thought it would last as long as it did and neither did Lucky. But you proved them wrong and now a double date was well on its way. Anxiety riddled your body leading up to the double date. You became hyper-aware of your surroundings and all the little whispers that echoed in the hallways. And Kylo noticed. “You look beautiful.” Kylo appeared behind you in the mirror. You fixed the greatcoat on your shoulders. “It’s just one of my uniforms.” You tsked. Kylo walked closer kissing your hairline as he held you in his arms. “You're always beautiful.” He fluffed the (y/h/c) curls that frame your face. “Why are you so nervous?” He played with the strand right in front of your ear. “It’s silly I know, but this, us, it means a lot and she will be the first person to see it and I-I just don’t want her to say anything, I sound stupid.” You placed your forehead on his chest. His laughter resonated through your body. “Then make her sign an agreement.” You looked up at him and smiled at his joke. “Well, that is my job.” “Exactly,” He pressed a wet kiss to your cheek.

They were late, and not just a few minutes late, almost an hour late! You and Kylo sat there in an awkward silence trying to find things to preoccupy yourselves with. The couple stumbled in, Lucky in a basic all black regulated off-duty attire and Ava in a low-cut burgundy dress. Their smiles and sheen of sweat didn’t go unnoticed as Y/N stared with her mouth slightly agape and Kylo with his classic scowl. Kylo waved at the waiter to start bringing the courses. You cursed yourself for suggesting dinner, you thought about how horrible yours and Kylo’s went and so far this just proved that dinner dates weren’t for you. No one would dare question Kylo Ren and Ava just seemed to talk the whole time. It wasn’t until between dinner and dessert when Kylo surprised by asking in his careless fashion: “How’d you two meet?” But Kylo genuinely wanted to know because Ava didn’t even come close to you and she was quite annoying.

Ava turned to smile at Lucky. “Well, I’ve known her for quite some time; it was in the medbay, of course, and-” “And he and another trooper were trying to patch up each other's wounds and Luck was doing a great job.” She interrupted him. “I like a man that knows how to use his hands.” A blush quickly rose in Lucky’s face as he tried to ignore your disturbed expression. Ava placed her hand on his thigh and smiled back at you. “What about you two?” Kylo’s eyes widened as his mind went blank. What story could be told that didn’t make the two seem like a deranged pair? “We met in the hallway.” Your voice pulled Kylo out of his thoughts. Kylo nodded looking down at you. “And we went back and forth a lot until” You shrugged giving Kylo a soft smile. Kylo watched the gleam in your eye sparkle as he felt the warmth of your hand wrapped around his. “I think everyone meets Angel in the hallway.” Lucky laughed. Kylo squinted at the man who had stolen this intimate moment. “That wasn’t funny Lucky.” You scolded him. “Angel,” He looked at you. “It was very frightening!” You told him. “W-What happened?” Kylo asked.

“Do you want to tell?” The friends laughed in unison. “No Angel, you do it.” Lucky cooed. “Zeros and Lucky were showing us new recruits around Starkiller, literally the first and last time I was on it. It was in one of the sectors that held the main water valves and of course, the pipe broke and it exploded. The water burst into the hallway and rushed in so quick, sweeping some people under and I went back to save some and he was one.” You humbly ended, but Lucky wasn’t having it. “No, Angel is a fucking fish. She was a captain of her swim team. She kept going back in to save us one by one. I was the last because my armor got stuck and I was sure I was about to die. I was positive I was dead when she came to get me she looked like an ethereal being, she wore that light gray academy uniform and her hair started to curl and the overhead light just crowned her head. She was the reason I was ready to go to the light!” Lucky joked. “And then I passed out because you’re fat.” You giggled and Lucky rolled his blue eyes. Ava sat with a twisted face and crossed arms avoiding the conversation. Kylo felt a pain in his chest knowing that you could’ve died because of him. It was due to one of his tantrums that had caused that valve to break. But the feeling weighed heavier than he would’ve thought of. His brown eyes looked at your smiling face. But you knew him better than anyone.

“This was fun, but I think it’s time for us to go.” You smiled, interlocking your fingers with his. “You know, the higher you are the earlier you rise.” You sent Ava a devilish smile before leaving with Kylo and your great coat blowing in the wind. You entered the elevator and a dark chuckle left Kylo as his long arm wrapped around your waist pulling you closer. “What?” You leaned your head on his chest. “Nothing.” He said bringing his other arm to hold you close to him. “Seems like something.” Your fingers crawled up his massive chest as you looked up at him through your lashes. Craning his neck, his lips met yours, sucking on your bottom lip before going in for another kiss. You pulled him closer to you enjoying the subtle taste of wine on his tongue as they danced their way with one another. The two of you didn’t even care about the surveillance in the elevator. When the doors opened Kylo held your hand as he walked you towards your quarters. He looked you deep in the eye as he brushed a curl behind your ear. “Goodnight,” He whispered before heading for his quarters. Kylo entered with a sigh before there was a knock on the door. Opening it, you appeared with that wild look in your eye that he loved so much. Without hesitation, you jumped wrapping your legs around him. Your lips latched onto his as his strong arms held you tightly. Kylo stumbled back hitting the back of his knees and landing on the couch. “Y/N,” His low rich voice sent shivers up your spine. A smile was pressed against his lips before pressing a gentle kiss to his pink lips. Nothing was said but he could feel your heart just swelling at how he made you feel. A low groan slipped pass his full lips causing Kylo to pull you into a deeper kiss.

“Commander!” There was a knock on the door that caused them to pause. Y/N looked down with pleading eyes as Kylo’s were locked on the door. Another knock rang out and Kylo gently moved her aside to stand. “Can’t you just ignore it?” Your lips fell into a pout. He cradled your face in the palm of his hand. “I’ll be back Nyneve.” You looked down to hide your blushing expression as he used the nickname he had picked up on one of your missions. Nyneve was an alluring immortal being that had been worshipped by the people of the planet Avalon, she held power and saved many like no man before or after. You weren’t used to the name seeing someone like you shouldn’t be compared to someone with such a high-caliber. “You will be.” He squished your cheeks making you smile. “Now wait for me on the bed.” You shook your head and made your way to his large bed. He watched your figure disappear into the next room before he left.

He stomped down the hallways frowning after the ridiculous meeting. A banging caused him to snap out of his thoughts. He looked around the hallway to see no one but still heard the banging. He walked up to the panel and inspected it. Using the force he removed the panel revealing none other than Serena. Before he could ignite fear throughout her body, she moved forward clinging herself to him. Kylo took a step back as her grip tightened. She peered up at him with a stream of tears falling from her large Persian orange eyes. “Your eyes?” Kylo remembered them being green and right after he questioned her, they shifted to obsidian black. She unlatched herself from him and quickly ran to her quarters. Kylo stood there contemplating if he should just let her be, but for some reason, he decided to follow her. It wasn’t long before he was hot on her trail on the back of her heel as he cornered her in a sequestered hallway. He stalked closer to see green eyes but one a few shades darker than the other. He watched her quiver before him as mixed emotions consumed her. “Was it the-” “Troopers.” Her fragile voice spoke with his. He sighed as he recalled the countless taunting he had to deal with as Matt. “I’ll take care of it.” He sighed not knowing why he had the urge to help the annoying technician. Before he could leave she laid a small hand on his arm. “Thank you.” He was transfixed on her eyes that were now a fluorescent blue. It reminded him of something from his past, he flinched and removed himself from her and made his ways back to his quarters. He couldn’t shake the sight of her glowing blue eyes that brought up haunting memories and the kiss that should’ve never happened. Serena filled his mind, he forgot that you were waiting for him, sleeping peacefully in one of his black long sleeve shirts. He quickly removed his attire and made his way to you, careful not to disturb. He looked around him in this cold room, your warm beautiful figure beside him, his powers, his title and yet when Serena looked at him with those eyes he felt like B- “Kylo?” You muttered in your sleep turning to rest your head on his chest. He tensed as your fingers grazed his bare chest. He had to remember, he was Kylo Ren and he would not succumb to weakness.

P.S.: I know it seems like I’m just throwing in a random character, but in the long run it will make sense. I promise. Hit me up with comments, concerns, jokes, reminding me that Kylo Ren passed out when he got a blowjob, anything. I miss talking to you guys. I JUST WANT TO STATE: Right now, from this point on, no matter what happens in the sequel trilogy, this series will end the way I want it to end. Events that I want to happen. People I choose to die. So if it is somewhat similar to the movie: I did it first. AND SUPER THANKFUL FOR ALL THE SNA FANS THOSE FROM THE BEGINNING AND THOSE TUNING IN NOW!!! I just want to say thank you for everything <3 (if anyone is still here)

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novadreii · 6 years

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The Ancient Magus' Bride: A Review

Big spoilers ahead.

I’m not often compelled to write full-length reviews on series that I watch, but this one elicited an interesting response from me. I don’t think I’ve ever negatively changed my mind about an anime halfway through. If I like something from the start, I usually like it all the way through to the end. If I loathe something from the start, I try to determine if there’s room for development/improvement before continuing. And I’ve seen a good amount of shows turn it around.

But TAMG was really a strange experience for me. Everything pointed towards this being a quality show. All the signs were there. And I will commend it on what it did right. This show had gorgeous animation, lovely voice acting, and a breathtaking original soundtrack. As I said, all the signs pointed to this being a winner, maybe the best anime of the last 5 years or so.

But sadly, TAMG is, at its core, a reductive escapist fantasy for young girls.

I know, that is a bold statement. But I have evidence to support my claim! Promise.

We start off the show with Chise being bought by the titular Ancient Mage at a slave auction. It’s okay, though, because she willingly sold herself into slavery. Wait, you can do that? I guess. Anyway. This show’s big selling point is Chise’s growth from a sad girl with nothing to live for to...well, someone who is not that way. And it’s a relatable backstory for a main character. So far, so good.

But the rest of plot fails to sufficiently develop the rest of the world, lore, and characters in a way that makes Chise’s development interesting enough. Side characters are given at most one (1) episode of backstory before being utterly forgotten for the entire rest of the series. Plot points that you think will eventually loop back for an interesting game of Raise the Stakes just kind of wander out to sea and never come back (aka Chise’s family...um...her dad and brother are still out there!). The lore of the fairies and magic is just kind of there and never properly explored or utilized. Chise is supposedly there to learn magic from Elias as her teacher, yet we don’t really ever see him instructing her in the theory of it, or her magical skills progressing. All we’re really told is that Chise is both incredibly strong and weak as shit as the same time. Makes sense.

Elias’ origin is completely ignored, even that could have been an amazing addition to the story as it’s so shrouded in mystery and intrigue and often hinted at by several characters. So, at about the rough halfway point of the series, I had all these loose ends and unexplored areas of the story in my head that I was really excited about, but they never materialized in the second half. The main “villain” in the show was kind of sad and easily defeated.

The second cour of the show was focused almost exclusively on what is, in my opinion, the most mundane, cloying, and dull part of the story: the relationship between Elias and Chise. Yep, sorry friends. I don’t find these two even remotely well suited to each other in any capacity, least of all romantic. Try picturing them together when Elias is in human form; that creeps me out more than his usual form. From the very beginning, I have disliked Elias. I find him boring. Oh boohoo, you’ve been wandering around Earth for hundreds of years and still haven’t figured out what “sad” “happy” “jealous” and “angry” feel like? Are you stupid as well as inexperienced, or just willfully ignorant? Because he managed to study and become proficient in the art of magecraft, but never could figure out why watching Titanic made his eyes leak? How many times do we have to watch Elias clutch his heart and say, “Is this what _______ feels like?” Just shut up. I find it hard to believe that in between all the magic and failed cooking lessons with Lindel, they never talked about how they felt in the hundreds of years that Lindel was taking care of him? *Dr. Phil voice* Really now?

Elias’ cluelessness about basic human emotions is the basis for about 99% of the personal conflicts/drama in the story, and it gets tiresome and feels cheap. Why does anime love to center on characters who don’t know how to feel? Does it give them more agency to act like a dick? Do young girls swoon after men who don’t really care about anything? Elias is frustrating, because we never get to see him break through that monotonous “teach me how to feel” crap, except for when he’s having a rage tantrum. But we never see him buckle down and really unload on how he’s feeling in an open and communicative way. He’s very selective with what he shares, and when he does it’s because Chise is prodding him to do it.

What I found essentially disappointing about this story is how everything in it was just there to further the drama between Chise and Elias without actually furthering the story itself. Everything Elias does to Chise, from how he constantly touches/grabs/picks her up without her permission, how he looms over her menacingly in his monster form when he’s jealous, how he calls her diminutive pet names, irritates me. Chise is a child who has nothing; of course she is going to gravitate to someone who offers her the only thing she wanted: a place to call home. What’s his excuse? He is the one in the position of power, and does he ever use it to his advantage.

How many times do we witness Elias withholding information from Chise, policing her, acting shady, throwing a giant temper tantrum, and being generally creepy and possessive? The anime is masterful in that it succeeds in writing it all off as romantic and cute, because “Elias doesn’t know what emotions he’s feeling! It’s cause he must love her LOL” Again, this was a lame excuse so that Elias could have license to be an asshole. All they needed was a cool/handsome/monstrous character design and a smooth af voice actor to make it all okay. But it isn’t. Chise did not, and still doesn’t have the agency to choose differently.

And I almost fell for it too; that’s how good it is. Because it ropes you in with great production value. I admit that instinctively I am just a dumb ape who will go gaga over anything shiny and pretty. And this anime certainly is those things, but it doesn’t capitalize on the amazing potential it set up from its very beginning, choosing instead to focus on relationship drama between two people who really should not be involved romantically at all.

I ask this: would it have detracted from the story at all for them to have had an adoptive parent and child relationship, to which both characters’ age, experience, and power dynamic was a lot better suited? Would it have been less meaningful? Why did they have to be set up as husband and wife from the get go? What was the point, other than to provide a weak and frankly disturbing plot point? If parent/child is a no-go, how about we make the female main character older than 20 years old for once? Even that would have been preferable.

I did read the manga, and the author tries to dance around the issue by once again using Elias’ inexplicable lack of emotional intelligence as an excuse. He doesn’t know what a bride is, he doesn’t understand the concept of marriage, he means it innocently etc. Okay, BUT, Chise, the rest of the characters, the author of the manga himself, the readers, and literally everyone else understands exactly what marriage is and what it implies. That is the connection the author intends us to make with all the symbolism and mushy dialogue between the two of them (as well as other characters’ observations about them both). It doesn’t matter how ambiguous the author is being about something; if it’s there, it’s there. Let’s call the spade a spade.

So the story revolves primarily around the romantic development between an indisputably adult male who also holds all the resources/power, and an emotionally broken child who can’t refuse. TAMG did not develop the rest of its story enough to distract me from this point, and I was just never able to look past it. It was glaring at me with each episode I watched.

Sure, Chise gets mad sometimes, and Elias eventually comes around from pouting when he realizes he could lose her. He eventually offers a monotone apology and all is right as rain. Chise eventually develops into the Needlessly Self-Sacrificing Main Character that anime relies on just a touch too heavily. It feels disingenuous and not at all relatable. It’s tiresome.

Towards the end, Chise gets some resolution from an old painful memory during an arc where she finally breaks free of Elias so she can act of her own accord for once. Which I really liked. But then she just ran home, forgave Elias a little too easily for all his bullshit, and ended up “marrying” him (again, everything is shrouded in an infuriating layer of ambiguity because nobody wants to call it what it is, but alllllll the right symbolism is there, we can figure it out ffs). That came completely out of left field for me and solidified my hunch that this is meant to be a teen fantasy and little else: leaving everything behind only to be saved, controlled by, and obsessed over by an ominous, rich, handsome, and overbearing man who just won’t keep his hands to himself.

There’s so much more I wanted to know about, and I get that you can’t fit everything into 24 episodes. But people like Silky, Ruth, Renfred, and Alice were utterly forgotten about even though they had solid, developed stories in the beginning of the anime. It’s like they hooked me in and left me hanging; the whole time I was waiting for MORE from those characters. For Silky to say even one word or to have more of a relationship with Chise other than hugging her dramatically from time to time, for Chise and Ruth to have another mage/familiar moment (or even arc). Things like that would have added so much more depth and significance to the story than even one more minute of Elias and Chise awkwardly and needlessly cuddling (or sleeping in bed together....honestly, wtf).

So in conclusion (am I writing a thesis or something?), The Ancient Magus’ Bride felt something like a betrayal. It drew me in with the promise of a gorgeous and heartfelt story, only to focus on what I thought was an inappropriate and forced relationship. I’m sure 16-year-old me would have eaten all of this up like a six-course meal. It’s a Japanese twist on Twilight (therefore also reminiscent of the even worse Fifty Shades franchise). As I get older and automatically tend think a lot more critically about why I like or dislike things, something like this isn’t going to cut it for me. It pulled at the heartstrings with emotive music and pretty visuals, but left me wanting so much more. I don’t want the media I consume to make me feel like I should like it; I just want to.

To any teen girls who adore this anime, I’m not telling you what to personally like/dislike. But I do hope you’ll think about why you do, and contemplate the fact that just because something is wrapped up in pretty packaging, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s harmless. Love doesn’t have to mean being dominated, stalked, policed, or controlled. And you don’t have to be married before you’re 20 or it’s game over. Healthy relationships are balanced, with an equal flow of power, love, and trust between parties involved. They can happen at 17, 45, or never, and that’s all okay. My fear is that this anime will reinforce the exact opposite message with its audience, in a manner that is honestly kind of insidious. It was so well-made, the tone and ambiance they created is so lovely that the harmful messages will just fly over your head; like they almost did to me.

Or...just enjoy it without a second thought and leave me to my over-analyzing. I do admit I look very closely at things, but I don’t know any other way to be.

TLDR; A lot of style, not a whole lot of substance. 4.5/10

#review #the ancient magus bride #mahoutsukai no yome #beware if you liked the series you may not want to read this lol #diary of nova #i'm not even trying to be a contrarian or anything #this has been my genuine emotional and critical response and honestly i'm a bit sad #i really wanted to love it

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ofhowls · 6 years

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WANTED CONNECTIONS ! below you’ll find a list of wanted connections, please fill them before i commit sewer-side. if you wanna talk, you wanna discuss – send me a message on discord ( jayden#7437 ) ! okay, that’s all.

alvarez, odette – quick summary: twenty-nine, cancer, has a daughter ( ava: played by lane ), engaged ( nicolas: played by pj ), is a florist because life’s a joke, kind of hot-headed, has a messy past we don’t talk about, would beat someone up 10/10, don’t test her, drives an ugly pick-up truck ( bella’s from twilight, don’t ask ) and owns a fluffy kitten named mango.

plot one – mother: long story short, her mom was around 16 when she had her ( would now be in her mid 40′s ), was a prostitute who didn’t care and was all around a trash human being. odette moved into foster homes before she turned 6 and she was in and out of them throughout her entire childhood. when odette had ava, however, she moved back in. and their relationship turned messier real fast. she moved back out at eighteen and has been staying away from her mom ever since. her mom only ever contacts her for money, she’s that bitch. fc could be salma hayek, but any mexican fc in that age range is a1.

plot two – sister from another mister: odette lived on the street in her teens, often running away from foster homes because they were GROSS. i want someone from her past in sheffield. i really, really want their relationship to have been like them kiddos in the movie thirteen ( 2003 ), you know? like hella ride or die but also toxic af. fc doesn’t matter but white people are gross so a person of colour, mayhaps? they’d be either her age or older, and obviously a womf because she hates men.

* NEW ! plot three – butler: look, she’s marrying rich and i’ve already established that she’s best buds with the butler. he’s old, he’s nice, they’re just having a good time together. all that i know about him is … just that, cool! he’s worked with the talbots for ages so, you get like +3484 plots with this one. do it, i beg of you. jeremy irons is a snack and so is jeff goldblum. think about it.

apolskis, julian – quick summary: twenty, leo, has had cancer come and go since he was 10, is a bit of an asshole, its a defence mechanism though, lost his leg a year ago, has a sister ( kitty: played by lane ), currently dating ( micah: played by patty ), is in a band, plays drums, has a deadbeat dad that his mom sends fake happy bday cards from.

plot one – father: basically, back in the good old days ( about 11 years ago ), julian and his family lived in seattle. living their best life. and then, he got diagnosed with cancer. in came the bills and his father split. he’s been out of their lives ever since, not really giving a hot diddly darn about his son – or the rest of the family, not that i care about them. he’d be in his mid 40′s or older by now. any white male fc would work but hugh dancy is dear to me.

* NEW ! plot two – hospital buddy: give me a friend for this motherfricker, okay? someone who might be sick, too. someone who’s been at the hospital with him, someone who knows that struggle of DYING. you feel me? this person can literally be 80 years old, i don’t care! as long as they’ve spent some time in care with my boy, maybe even roomed with him, it’s all good.

atkins, scarlett – quick summary: nineteen, gemini, mother’s a dead socialite, father is an alive asshole, used to smang her step-brother ( milo: played by pj ) before he ditched her, was kind of the queen bee before she ghosted on all her “friends” for a fancy college, got kicked out of said college for an adderall addiction, is now at rock bottom and forced to hang with the losers, super manipulative and selfish, kind of got a rough exterior.

plot one – old friend: i really want someone who used to be friends with her either before she became miss popular or before they graduated. either way, she would’ve ditched them for bigger and better. i want beef, i want dramas – i want this bitch to suffer. before she hung with the it crowd she was a freaking mathlete, so don’t you forget it. honestly, cady heron is SHAKING. i say as i stole it from lindsay weir, whatever. she was also a cheerleader in her later years, if that helps. i’m very cliche. they’d be like nineteen, and preferably a womf but i’m not picky.

* NEW ! plot two – father: all you gotta know about ray atkins, is that he’s garbage. he’s a rich bitch, the richest damn dude in town, and he cares approximately NOT AT ALL about his daughter. he’s constantly going back and forth between pushing her to achieve things and not acknowledging her presence. it’s a hard knock life. rape tw // there was also an instance where scout experienced assault at a party and he blamed her for drinking, so … not the nicest. on top of that, he doesn’t allow scout to speak french in the house ( her mother was french, uwu ), and that’s MEAN. anyways, any white/puerto rican man in his 40′s and up will work.

baek, wolfgang – quick summary: thirty-five, capricorn, loves horror films and has made quite a few, dad is a famous director ( bigger in korea than the states ), has triplets because his dick is that powerful, went from mr. friend zone to mr. i’m sorry i gave you three babies at once, sort-of-dating ( ziba: played by patty ) really talkative and amazing, works at blockbuster because that’ll support a family, am i right, lads?

plot one – work pal: he’s at work a lot, ok? and he needs friends. it’s a win/win. i need someone for him to do stupid work stuff with, make working a fun experience! i want a squad like in chuck, you know? if you don’t know what i’m talking about then superstore, if you still don’t know what i’m talking about then why are you still here? age don’t matter but i would prefer if they were close in age. gender, who cares. bye.

plot two – partner in crime: basically, he makes a lot of indie flicks. he actually only moved to sheffield to work on a screenplay but… it’s been a while. i need someone who makes movies with him, though. a co-director or someone he keeps casting as the lead because bros, ok? once again, preferably close in age, gender doesn’t matter.

* NEW ! plot three – cousin: i mean, hewwo? most of his extended family is back in korea, but – but – i could imagine his aunt or uncle would’ve moved to the us shortly after his parents did. so, a cousin would be neat! someone his age, someone he can talk to about childhood stuff, someone who understands his unspoken rivalry with his father, someone to babysit his kids. they would’ve lived in florida after moving to the us, thirty and up and preferably a dude. i like dudes. but a woman would work as well. not to mention, half or fully korean!

bellefleur, kipling – quick summary: forty-eight, capricorn, born and raised in louisiana, has two kids he don’t know about ( lucia: played by britt, jude: played by patty ), a cop at the police station, lives alone with no pets because god hates him, got a partner ( elliot: played by lane ) but not in the gay way, unfortunately heterosexual, kinda grumpy, kinda just annoyingly white.

* NEW ! plot one – hook-up: kip is a sexual being, believe it or not! and sometimes, a mans need a nut bust. he’s a great lover, i swear. but he’s not a great mans when it comes to the romantics. he does have two kids he don’t know of, after all. just give me someone he visits late at night, ignores in public and have fake deep convos with whilst sharing a cigarette in bed. really painting a picture here, aren’t i? unlike other fathers in this town, he has no interest in sleeping with someone his child’s age, so –– thirties and up!

cheung, beatrice – quick summary: twenty-five, aries, middle school teacher, a big fucking lesbian, dating ( kaylee: played by patty )super sociable and outgoing, literally loves partying and hanging out with the youths, self-proclaimed big sister to just about every teen out there, works part-time as a waitress at the diner, used to be engaged but we don’t talk about that, foster kid with no connection to blood-related family.

plot one – coworker: someone at the diner! just someone to have her back, to gossip with, to hang out with after shifts, to just be gal pals with, you know? she needs more gal pals. i love throwing movie references in there, but – think whiplash with ellen page. that kind of aesthetic, that kinda shit. from mid to late twenties, a woman because i don’t care for men.

plot two – pseudo-sibling: i want her to really play the big sister role with someone! have a little baby she can pass all her heaux wisdom down on. just a wee bean that she considers a little sibling of sorts. she could even house them for a bit since she’s back to living alone! they’d have to be in their teens and gender, once again, does not matter!

* NEW ! plot three – foster sibling: she already has like fifteen, so give her another. tris is probably the youngest among the bunch and owen ( played by fanny ) is somewhere in the middle. it’s just a nice jewish household that fostered a lot kids, cool? any fc, any ethnicity, any gender! just older than twenty-five, is all i’m asking. neat, thank you for coming to my ted talk.

cowell, stefan – quick summary: twenty-nine, scorpio, construction worker, married ( lumen: played by pj ), got a little sister who he always fights with ( arella: played by kt, whenever she returns to us ), hates dogs, kind of a prick, a huge prick actually, sort of running from the law but like on the low-key, always 100% done with just about everyone’s shit.

plot one – work buddy: like i said, he works construction. and i want him to have one friend. like a singular friend. someone to grab a beer with, someone who he doesn’t wanna strangle. it’ll be a miracle but it’s a miracle i deserve damnit. they’d have to be in their late twenties or older, a dude and any fc.

plot two – neighbour: it sounds like a basic plot, but i promise you – it’s worth it! i want him to have a god damn family feud plot going on, okay? i want them to fight, i want neighbours ( 2013 ) as a plot on tumblr dot com. i want him to hate them and i want them to hate him. fc don’t matter! gender don’t matter! preferably around his age or older, though.

halonen, oliver – quick summary: thirty, aquarius, part-time mechanic, part-time bartender ( think coyote ugly because that’s hot ), used to be engaged ( marty: played by tasha ), got a fake daughter ( pauline: played by pj ), has some slight drug issues she’s working out atm, also her dad’s back from the dead ( uriah: played by lane ), she’s super nice and cute and you should all love her sarcastic ass.

plot one – work friend: i feel like i just want everyone to have coworkers, but listen… i genuinely just do. either someone that works as a mechanic alongside her or another bartender who sometimes uses their bod for tips, it’s all good. i want her to have one friend her own god damn age, you know? they’d have to be a gal because men are smelly. age would be around her own and that’s it!

plot two – dealer: listen… drugs come from somewhere. and even if she’s not currently using, i’d love for her to have that dynamic. maybe she owes them money, we can make it hella messy or we can make them chill pals, idc! i just need her dealer her and i need them to push some drugs. plus it’s a buy one get one for free type of deal ( see my plots for ed further down ). i want them to be a little older than herself but other than that it’s free for interpretation.

* NEW ! plot three – drug bud: this bitch is from texas and this bitch did a lot of drugs in texas. she spent her early twenties high as fuck, overdosed at 24 and then got clean. legend? yes. she’s got a lot of good influences, aside from one particular asshole, and i just want her to be more pulled into old habits! let her have some friends from her old life of criminality and drugs come to sheffield and shake things up. any fc and gender, though they’d have to be in their 30′s!

hodgins, nathaniel – quick summary: twenty-one, gemini, works as chef at the pub, skipped college to help his mama with the bills, got a cutie-patootie golden retriever, dad is in prison after a drunk driving accident that killed a 10 year old, moved to sheffield a few years ago for a fresh start, a big ass home of sexual, has a crush on a comp het ( vince: played by pj ), loves his mother more than anything, only child, conceals trauma with humour and bad puns.

* NEW ! plot one – ex-something: now, i’m not saying they dated. i’m saying they hooked up and it never lead anywhere. it can be angsty, it can be fine, it can be a garbage fire. we can work out the details whenever, i’m cool like that. any fc and any gender, though preferably in their early twenties!

holstad, damian – quick summary: eighteen, aries, the biggest fuccboi you’ve ever laid your eyes upon, fucked your girlfriend ( and he meant it ), brother to the biggest loser in town ( lou: played by tasha ), parties every weekend, best friends with the second biggest fuccboi in town ( artemus: played by nico ), kinda soft but he won't ever let you know that, has a crush on his brother’s bff ( pauline: played by pj ).

plot one – ex-girlfriend: it’s simply unrealistic that he hasn’t dated at least one of the fifty bazillion girls he’s smanged. now, it’s probable they didn’t last more than a few months but its still a plot I NEED. she’d be either a junior or senior in high school right now. so, either graduating now or next year. face claim don’t matter. it’s possible he cheated, he’s an asshole like that.

* NEW ! plot two – more fuccpeople: at this point, i’m collecting them. there are a bunch of fuccbois in damian’s life right now, and i need there to be more. there needs to be a whole fracking pack of them. just running around town, smanging ladies and taking names. could’ve played football with him, could’ve graduated with him, could’ve just lived next door – i dunno! around eighteen… a boy, or a girl! fuccgirls are VALID too.

kinney, sawyer – quick summary: twenty, sagittarius, volunteers at animal shelter, studying to become a vet, loves animals more than she’ll ever love a man, has a rescued bunny named waffles, her parents died in a car-crash we don’t talk about it, has a younger brother ( grayson: played by patty ), soccer is her life, also wanna fuck the soccer coach ( elliot: played by lane ), her first ‘kiss’ was a dare at age 5 with her cousin ( holden: played by pj ) for an ice cream, did i mention she loves animals, takes virginities for charity, happened once but i demand its a thing now, boinking mr edgelord ( quentin: played by pj ).

plot one – team mates: soccer is cool! soccer is for champions! she’s currently the team captain of the local all-girls soccer team, i know – such a title. and i want her to have more of a team. so gather up your gals in their late teens to early twenties and kick some balls around!

plot two – ex-boyfriend: before she swiped virginities and had sex with boys who love serial killers, she probably had a steady boyfriend. kind of a puppy-love-they’ll-probably-get-married-straight-out-of-high-school relationship, you know? they probably broke up because they were way too young and it was more of an availability thing rather than genuine attachment. does that make sense? it’s a small town! their parents probably loved their child’s respective partner than they loved each other. 20-22, any boy of any fc i’m not picky.

* NEW ! plot three – enemy: it’s a hard plot to ask for, but i request you hear me out. she never fights with anyone. she’s SO NICE. a walking mary sue, i swear. and she’s just friends with everyone. it’s boring! give me someone that gets under her skin! someone for her to absolutely fucking hate! for no reason or for a reason, idk! around twenty-one, any gender.

larsen, margaret – quick summary: forty-two, libra, has one terrible son ( teddy: played by lane ), though she loves him more than anything, left the country because she was a hoe, mortician, got knocked up by her professor that one time, kind of boinking her son’s bandmate ( holden: played by pj ), doing her best all the time but keeps on making mistakes, the biggest mama-bear you’ll ever stumble upon.

plot one – ex-hook-up: listen, she left the states to study in the uk – mostly to get away from her parents – but also because she had a bit of a reputation. like, a really bad one. so if you have a character, or want to play a character, that grew up in sheffield and are in their forties… wink wonk. that’s it. that’s the plot.

* NEW ! plot two – hater, hater: peggy was a skank in her youth, okay? she was a downright slut and she probably rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. she most likely still does! so, i want some judgmental hoes up in this bitch. i want them to bicker and i want it to be very small-town-desperate-housewives-esque. any lady. preferably around her age range, would’ve lived in sheffield all her life.

* NEW ! plot three – best friend: peggy only ever speaks to kids, it’s weird. give her. bud, and like i said above… desperate housewives is a fucking neat ass show. they can drink wine and they can gossip and they can judge her for the people she’s sleeping with. or, well, person. any woman in her 40′s, please and thank.

mullin, casper – quick summary: fifteen, aries, fucking love aliens, the government is lying to y’all, has got a whole ass squad of friends, kinda gay for one of them ( eli: played by pj ), kinda intimidated by another ( ava: played by lane ), if it wasn't obvious he’s a gay, has a pupper that means the world to him, always investigates creepy shit because he is that white person.

plot one – disgraced nuclear physicist: you heard me. basically just the plot of back to the future. someone a bit ( a lot ) older than casper himself that kinda takes him under their wing. they’re as nutty as him when it comes to conspiracy theories, and maybe they feed his ideas and stuff when it comes to the shit going on in town. please and thank you.

pearce, minoo – quick summary: twenty-one, aquarius, the biggest of edgelords, expert in stick n poke tattoos, hates her family, loves their big ass dog, a military brat, skated pretty much everywhere because she’s a walking cliche, not anymore though cause her bff broke it ( vince: played by pj ), invented grunge, would kill herself for the lead singer of zero boys, wants her mom to die ( rachel: played by lane ), wants the cop who's trying to get in her pants to die even more ( sera: played by tasha ), almost dropped out of high school fifty times but i forgot to make it canon.

* NEW ! plot one – enemy: i love enemies. anyways, mj is a fucking bitch. she’s so edgy, she’s not like other girls, and she definitely would end up in a fight with just about anybody. there’s no way in HECK there aren’t people in town who hate her guts. they could’ve gone to college with her, they could’ve gone to high school with her, i dunno! i just want her to FIGHT. preferably a girl, preferably in her age range.

oswalt, kevin – quick summary: nineteen, virgo, had the most tumultuous of childhoods involving both kidnapping and murder, she doesn’t talk about it, has sort-of-a-boyfriend ( jamie: played by pj ), and a definitely best friend ( pippa: played by lane ), currently living with her father ( dalton: played by britt ) without the knowledge that she’s his daughter, her life is messy, she likes books and writing, thinks sheffield is kinda fascinating, the biggest of nerds, kinda awkward but we forgive her.

plot one – brother: we already have her father, mother ( marion: played by nesh ), and two sisters ( lila: played by luna, and hazel: played by fanny ), and now all that’s missing is the second youngest kid! he’d be like 21 years old, white with blue eyes because that’s a trait near and dear to us, and … a dude-bro. we have this hc that he’s in a band and kinda just does his own thing. free-spirit. also, to summarise the family history REAL QUICK – you can ask for more deets – kev got kidnapped, family fell apart, marion and dalton got divorced, the kids chose sides, markus ( the brother ) chose to stay neutral, they moved away while dalton stayed, and now they’re all back.

plot two – study pal: not quite as in-depth as the one above, but! she needs a study pal. she’s currently attending the local college and she has zero friends who actually go to school. give me someone for her to work on stupid projects with, someone she’s forced to get to know and get out of her comfort zone with. they’d be 19-20 and fc/gender has no importance.

sutton, eduardo – quick summary: fifty-two, taurus, literal fucking drug-lord, gang leader, owns the silhouette bar outside of town, loves his daughter a lot ( carmen: played by britt ), never smoked a weed in his life, jk, lost his wife a bazillion years ago, now banging the woman who failed save her ( lorelai: played by patty ), has three dogs which he kinda loves more than his daughter, killed a lot of mens in his life, just all around a good dude.

plot one – brother: ed comes from an cuban-catholic family from new orleans and his father was kind of an asshole but his mom was alright. however, he was always closest to his little brother. so please, for the love of god, play him. you’ll get to play an uncle if you do, it’s pretty hot. any cuban fc in their late forties would work, but raul esparza is a hot fucking take.

plot two – gang members: he’s a gang leader, ok? he needs more to lead. they hang out at the silhouette bar, push drugs through town and are all around just a good group of people. give me all of them to be honest. think the southside serpents from riverdale. or whatever they’re called in sons of anarchy. fc and gender and stuff don’t matter, however – ed would never allow someone under twenty-five. he’s a family man.

talbot, mikhail – quick summary: thirty, pisces, the softest boy you’ll ever meet, a nurse at the local hospital, got a kid on the way, dating a ginger bitch ( liza: played by pj ), best friends with his cousin ( nic: also played by pj ), best friends with his ex ( emma: played by lane and not pj ) coaches the kids football team during his spare time, also works a couple of shifts at his father’s ( robert: played by luna ) hardware store, really just genuinely fucking nice, kinda depressed but you’d never know.

plot one – high school friends: he’s lived in sheffield his whole life. he was on the football team, he was popular – he was a fun dude to hang with. it’s unrealistic none of his high school friends stuck around. so! give me a couple of those. they can be anybody as long as they’re around thirty years old.

plot two – kids to coach: self-explanatory, really. but if you want to play a kid on the football team, speak now or forever hold your peace. teens, boys probably because sports ball is sexist, just someone for him to coach and teach the way of sports ball life.

weathers, elizabeth – quick summary: forty-two, sagittarius, freaking neurotic, forgets her own son ( eli: played by pj ), remembers her other every now and again ( jesse: played by nico ), wishes she could forget her husband ( andy: played by lane ), her bestest and smallest son was taken from her almost two years ago, yes this plot came before she was winona ryder don’t judge me, stay at home mom yet has no reason to stay at home.

* NEW ! plot one – emotional support: the woman lost her son, she needs like a mom support group on facebook. she needs someone who understands her loss. maybe someone who’s lost their own kid, obviously not to a giant bunny, but it’d still be kind of relatable. someone she can discuss her divorce plans with, you know? a woman in her forties, i’ll accept nothing else.

#all posts / ooc.

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