#need to express my bi-ness | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wild-at-mind · 2 years

Text

I keep thinking about why it seems tumblr kids are so weird about reclaimed slurs like queer and whatnot, and based on my own experiences I've come up with a few ideas.

1. Reclaimed slurs within the lgbtq community are more complicated than some others, and often people like certainty. E.g. if you're not black, it's easy to know if saying the n word is ok: it's not. But with words like dyke, fag or even queer, I don't think the impulse to ask yourself whether you would have been targeted by someone saying this slur to hurt is a bad one. Wait wait come on let me finish, doesn't mean I think tagging '[whatever letter] slur' everywhere is the way to go. But I think thought and reflection on your actual life experiences are a good thing. That said I am so done with the annoying, inevitable 'can bi people say it?' shit when it comes to homophobic slurs. There is no need for big fuckoff barriers and gatekeeping. We're all complicated humans and the thing with life experiences is you keep having more every day, and sexuality and gender expression evolve throughout your life. A word you would say once you might find stops applying to you as an identity, and vise versa. That's why personal reflection is all I personally care about and not whatever identity you are. Not that what I say matters. But all these nuances don't translate well online and I think some people long for the simple 'if x, then don't say y'.

2. In your teens and early 20s I think extreme black and white thinking is more common, simply because you haven't had as much life experience and your brain isn't done developing. Plus it feels good to sort people into an in group and out group, because the harder you do this, the more you can belong with that in group. It seems like on tumblr and twitter a favourite way of putting people into an out group is to find some behavior your don't like, e.g. saying a word your in group deems a slur that no one should be using. That person now officially sucks and you can warn others about them, reinforcing your in group as the safe one. I remember absolutely loving this kind of thing in my early 20s, my ocd brain adored the simple black and white, good and evil ness of it all. I would mentally sort tjmblr users into good and bad. If I wasn't sure where to stand on an issue, and the middle ground wasn't an option (you could get viciously attacked and shamed all over tumblr for not being strong enough on an issue, probably you still can), then i would 'root' for the angriest side. Usually the one saying 'x is bad' and not 'x is good, because avoiding saying or doing something has to be safer than doing it, right?

Then I got a bit older (and got on the right meds but that may have been a coincidence), and fucking hell I HATE 'discourse' now. I just can't stomach it. I love nuanced arguments and not seeing issues in black and white. I don't know what people see in it but I assume if you're younger and haven't seen this stuff a billion times before, and are seeking to belong, that probably helps.

3. With the word queer in particular, a lot of people tell the same story: 'well it was all the way reclaimed, but then TERFs came along and made people say q slur and all the kids don't know!' But that story is very simplified. Often the only proof given to strengthen it is 'my college campus in the mid 2000s had a queer studies degree '. In reality most people don't go to university, and your comfort with the word queer varies greatly depending on your life experience, which is affected by age, class and your specific identities within the lgbtq community. (People don't get to tell others what to call themselves, but I don't think they do that because they fell for some TERF logic. The idea of things being very simple and black and white, good and bad may be used by TERFs but its also used by groups with basically all and any ideologies, hateful or 'social justice' or anything. And there are people on here and twitter who are very vocal about never saying queer who are trans women and/or very anti TERF, which I imagine could throw you off if someone else is telling you only TERFs don't want people to say queer.) It's a simple story but things are never really that simple. Outside of specific online space things tend to be much less cut and dry.

Also, personally, I've always found queer and what it represents to be kind of a lot to live up to, because I have a massive complex about my own identity not bring good enough for this community. My own particular hang ups are not for me to try and push on others (they suck and I'm glad for people who don't have them!), but when I see people constantly try and get queer over as the perfect identity for confused people in our community, it does rankle a little. It doesn't work for my particular brand of confused and I've found that can be a lonely place to be. I've tried hard in the past to get people to understand, but they usually respond with yet more trying to get queer over. You can end up feeling a bit of a freak after a while!

Anyway, this is a long way of saying I have sympathy for the kids trying hard to say/not say the slurs correctly. The internet is a scary place for after all, it's a place where a post you didn't really think through enough can be seen by thousands of people who all suddenly hate you VERY quickly. A lot of these kids are protecting themselves the best ways they know how. Connecting strongly with real life communities may be a good antidote but as we know,not everyone is in a place where they can do that right now. Ideally we would have online spaces for isolated lgbtq teens and early 20s take place on platforms that DONT tacitly encourage this stuff. I can only hope. The freedom to make mistakes quietly in a post on a long forgotten forum must return!!

#lgbtq discourse #queer discourse #reclaimed slurs discourse #lgbtq+#online stuff #its a minefield out there on the internet for us all but its easier to avoid the mines when you have more life experience #so look out for the kids even if the things they say sometimes annoy you

5 notes · View notes

heyninja · 2 years

Text

One thing I'd like to say, since it's Pride, is that for years I marinated in the message that my gender and sexual expression was "bad representation." If "we" (which we?) wanted to be taken seriously, people like me--bi people who didn't fit into neat boxes of gender expression, who engaged in more than one relationship at a time--were ultimately harmful to the people who needed to see "us" as...what? As conforming to societal norms? As non-threatening to established norms of gender roles and family structures?

So now I just cut out all the crap that even remotely makes me think of all that bullshit. I'm queer. I'm non-binary. Sometimes I might say bi, sometimes I might say pan. It's all true. I still engage in relationships with multiple people at the same time (everyone is aware and consenting, I am not a jerk). I am not ashamed. It is not my responsibility to be "non-threatening" or try to fit into some bullshit cishet normative narrative to make other people feel better about my other-ness. I have a finite time on this earth and as long as I can try to make other people's lives better, I deserve to also make my own life better.

I don't owe you a sanitized version of my best self, even as it continues to evolve and change over time. I owe myself my best self, and my loved ones a commitment to furthering my happiness while trying to further their happiness as I can. That's it. My queerness is my own living, breathing contract with myself and my happiness.

I am authentic to my lived experience. I will not make myself smaller, less than, to live a lie to be palatable to people who have no intention of accepting me ever.

#happy pride #nonbinary #bisexual #pansexual #lgbtqia+#polyamory #live your truth #i am a glorious living being #and i will not be reduced to fit someone's narrow vision of what life should contain #life is too glorious; wild; diverse; unimaginably beautiful #why limit the magnificence of human experience

4 notes · View notes

forestofbeginnings · 3 years

Note

while I do agree with what you’re saying about character’s sexualities needing to be explored rather than being seen as the easy option, having “just a few” LGBTQ+ characters means every LGBTQ+ player is SEVERELY restricted in terms of who they can choose to be with, ESPECIALLY since those few LGBTQ+ characters run the risk of falling into harmful stereotypes to make it “obvious” that they are those characters. it leaves a LOT of room for separation rather than inclusion, for distance between players and characters bc the player may not think the other characters are worth getting to know when those characters arent the “few” LGBTQ+ ones. as much as it is important to have the detailed representation, as a member of the LGBTQ+ myself, I am equally happy with stories going in depth on character’s sexualities as I am with them just being completely normalised. video games are pleasant, peaceful escapes for people, and as much as it would be “realistic” for them to experience some kind of discrimination or self hatred, I personally prefer the idea that in the world of the game, everyone is just fine with it, as they should be. that leaves room for discussion on why the real world ISNT like that already, how we can HELP it become that way by assisting in the normalisation of it, etc. this is in no way a direct argument against you, it’s solely my standpoint on the whole LGBTQ+ marriage options. I just think it should be a fair game to everyone, and no player should feel their options are limited based on their own sexuality and having just a few characters in the game who match that, instead of it being equal for everyone, if that makes sense

That's a very good point, thank you for sending this to add to the conversation! I'll try my best to respond to all the good points you make.

(my reply is very long and under the cut and includes a lot of my Opinions of queer rep in video games so here we go)

I know you're probably talking about Fire Emblem when you're talking about the severely limited LGBT+ options. And it does suck, I'm pretty lucky that I fell hard for one of the few bisexual offerings in FE3H (looks fondly at Mercedes). But on the other hand...my primary experience with LGBT+ rep are Bioware games, where everyone has their own distinct identity. In Dragon Age Inquisition, out of the romance options there's 1 straight woman, 3 straight males (albeit two are limited to elves/humans), 1 pansexual male, 1 bisexual female, 1 gay male, and 1 lesbian. And most of the writing does not focus on their identities. In a majority of the romances, the most you get is a "sorry, not interested" from a character if you're not what they're into. The only route with clear focus on sexuality is for the gay man, which is fantastically written (and is written by a gay man about his personal experiences so take that as you will). All of the other LGBT+ characters’ stories don’t focus on their sexuality at all and don’t face discrimination for it.

The game isn't perfect (the writing for the lesbian is bad in the base game, just straight up bad), but it's what I think of when I say "everyone has an identity." No matter who you play, not all options are open to you. Doesn't matter if you're straight or LGBT+, your options are limited. And honestly, despite the more limited options...the impact that games like Fire Emblem and Dragon Age gave me are still things I remember fondly as a bi/ace woman. I loved Mercedes' romance in FE3H because she was specifically bisexual like me. I was absolutely giddy when Josephine's romance (the bi option in DAI) did not include a sex scene, which meant she could be asexual like me. And to me, I don't get as much excitement playing SoS or SDV. The girls like me because I'm the player. That's it. It’s not because they’re bisexual with their own identity, it’s because I’m the player. And it just reminds me of that quote from The Incredibles like "if everyone is super, nobody will be." Everyone is ""bisexual"" and...

I think when you talk about people not being interested in learning about other, non-LGBT+ characters, that's more a flaw in farming sims in general? Because you can't really...befriend a romance option. You can't learn their full story unless you're romancing them. Which, again, isn't a thing in Fire Emblem or Dragon Age. You can A support anyone in FE and it only becomes romantic if you choose to S support them. In Dragon Age, you learn a character's full story and learn about them regardless of romance. I don't think people will be less interested in knowing other characters...it's just if you don't want to romance them...you can't really know them? So why befriend a character if you can’t just be friends?

But I do really want to touch on the point you make on how LGBT+ romance doesn't need to be realistic and can be idealized. I 100% agree. Making it not a big deal and not put under a microscope helps it become normal. It's actually the kind of rep I prefer. I don’t like when huge deals are made about LGBT+ characters because it just accentuates that they’re different and ‘the other,’ rather than just another person that happens to not be heterosexual.

But literally the only romance-based video game I've played where a realistic struggle of an LGBT+ person is focused on is Dragon Age Inquisition. With the gay route I mentioned and touched on with a non-romancable trans man. Sexuality is not really spoken about in FE3H. Some characters are just...bisexual. Nothing more to it. Mercedes certainly doesn't say anything about it. She can just be romanced by both men and women. It is barely spoken about in Dragon Age games aside from character preference and Dorian's romance. In Dragon Age 2, one bisexual romance option mentions his first experience with a man. Another option is hesitant to date a female because of cultural reasons. That's it.

I do get your point. We don't need to include the realities of the world in our video games. But also...we're allowed to still acknowledge sexuality in video games. I joke about my bi/ace-ness all the time. Even in a perfect world of a farming sim...I'm pretty sure a character can make wisecracks about liking both men and women...or only men/women. Being bisexual always means some kind of discovery that you like more than one gender. Has this love interest dated someone of the same or opposite gender before? Will they tell me off-hand that I'm the first girl they dated? Will they express interest in a character of the opposite gender but can be romanced by a same-sex player? Representation doesn't need to be a sanitized thing completely removed from reality. Even in a completely perfect world where there is no such thing as discrimination against the LGBT+ community, we’re still allowed to speak about our sexualities. It’s a part of who we are.

When I say I want specific representation, I don't want a realistic depiction of the current-day struggles our community faces. I just want a character to say something that makes me know that they're like me. That they're specifically bisexual or specifically pansexual or so on. That they have their own preferences and are their own character and aren't blindly into me because I'm the player.

I do get why you want representation to be equal across the board. It is the easy option and a simple thing to do. But I want quality over quantity. I don’t want a character to marry me because I’m the player. I want a character to marry me because they’re bisexual or pansexual or a lesbian or asexual with romantic preferences or so on and so forth. And the reason why I’m so passionate about this and want farming sims to go towards this direction is because I’ve seen it done in other genres! It can work!

Inclusion of LGBT+ romance options does not have to be at the sacrifice of the identities of bisexual and pansexual individuals. And now I get off my soap box and drink some water because I just got my 2nd COVID vaccination.

#the curator speaks #warning: this is long but i did want to hit all your points!#and i do see your point and they are valid #but i really enjoyed your ask and even if you still disagree that's fine!

29 notes · View notes

olivia-anderson-fanfic · 3 years

Text

A Miraculous TikTok Account

Part 35

First

Ladybug sighed as she fell back on her bed with a cup of water instead of coffee for once.

Not because she wasn’t going to stay up or anything, it was already around 3 what’s the point of sleeping at that point, but because she’d cried herself out with Chat. She did little curl-ups occasionally so she could actually swallow. (Should she just sit up and make things easier on herself? Yes. Will she? No.)

Ugh. Stupid emotions. How was she supposed to kill Chat now? When she’d thought it was just because he’d needed a distraction she’d been able to feel angry because there were plenty of ways to do that without getting her involved, but now that she knew it was also because he related and didn’t want her to suffer the same way he did…

She groaned and threw her now-empty plastic cup at the wall. It bounced off and then rolled across the ground lamely. Stupid cup. Stupid feelings.

She clicked her tongue irritably and glared at the ceiling.

Her trap door opened and she blinked, looking over to see… Chloe?

“Aren’t you usually asleep right now?”

“I was,” said Chloe, rubbing her eyes with a scowl. She pulled off her mask to actually get the desired effect, and then lazily tossed it onto a chair. She walked over and picked up the cup. “This woke me up.”

A blush spread across her face. “Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s too late, now,” said Chloe with a vague wave of her hand. She set the cup down on a rare empty surface and then took a seat on the bed beside her. “So, how’d things go with Chat?”

“... good,” said Ladybug, pulling her gaze back to the ceiling. “I feel like an asshole, now.”

“Kinda were one.”

“Fuck you.”

She winked. “I mean, if you’re offering, --.”

She pushed her off the bed and Chloe laughed as she hit the floor. Ladybug found that she was smiling despite herself and she had to school her expression back into a scowl. Chloe stood back up and stretched, then attempted to sit back down on the bed. She went starfish to prevent this.

Chloe scoffed. “Really?”

“You’ve lost bed privileges.”

“Hm,” she said, unimpressed.

Ladybug clicked her tongue once but pulled her knees up to let her sit at the end of the bed.

“Anyways, have you got everything out of your system?”

She nodded slightly, and then yawned into her hand. Her choice of water was beginning to catch up to her. Damn.

Chloe smiled. “Good. What’re you going to do about your identity, now?”

“Probably ignore the video. People will either think it was a fluke or just kinda forget about it. Hopefully.”

The smile disappeared and the blonde scrutinized her for a few moments. “You’re really dumb for a smart person, you know that?” Suddenly, her face lit up again. “Actually, that reminds me of something.”

Ladybug watched in confused silence as she pulled out her phone and pushed a few buttons.

And then her phone screen lit up. She blinked and picked it up.

TikTok?

She clicked the notification and pulled up the new video on Chloe’s account.

It showed Carapace, Ladybug, and Rena in the living room. None of them seemed completely there in one way or another, and the coffee machine had been dragged out to sit on the table for easy access.

Ladybug was practically vibrating on the couch, struggling to bring a cup of coffee to her lips without spilling any.

Carapace was laying across the armchair that was pretty much his at this point, eyes glazed over.

Rena was apparently giving a lecture… or, at least, that’s what she thought she was doing. She was babbling, mostly incoherent, pointing at the conspiracy board -- this must have been taken before Hawkmoth had come and destroyed the house -- and occasionally moving on to the next point.

It was unclear whether Carapace and Ladybug actually understood what she was saying somehow because their mutual sleep-deprived-ness made them all get on the same wavelength (think how babies understand each other despite speaking no real words) or were just nodding along but, either way, Rena definitely had their attention.

Rena pointed very aggressively and the camera zoomed in on the words ‘Rich Bitch’. Ladybug raised her hand and said something in the weird Simlish they had managed to create. The fox holder nodded thoughtfully and then, after procuring a marker, she changed the word ‘Bitch’ to ‘Has anyone asked Hawkmoth for their preferred pronouns?’.

Carapace said something.

Rena crossed that out and then wrote ‘Fuckface McPeopleKiller’.

The three nodded at this and they went back to the lecture.

“What the heck?” Whispered a voice. The camera panned to where Chat was standing in the doorway with a confused and slightly concerned expression.

Then it panned again to Chloe, who looked almost bored. “The smartest of Paris’s heroes, everyone.”

The video ended.

Ladybug glared at Chloe. “C’mon, really?”

“Chat’s right, you should at least be honest that it’s not you. Film a video about it, talk about it and address it, then continue what you’re doing. At least then you won’t have to stress out as much about messing up.”

She crossed her arms.

“Also, I said that I was going to upload a video when someone messed up and revealed the truth. Someone did that, so I did. I’m a woman of my word.”

Ladybug rolled her eyes. “Mhmm.”

There was a silent staredown that lasted a whole five seconds before Ladybug broke eye contact to glare at the ceiling.

She clicked her tongue. “You’re not going to let it go, are you?”

“No. And I’m sure Carapace would prefer it, too, since he won’t have to edit around your actual personality anymore.”

For whatever reason, Ladybug wasn’t as angry as she should have been. Maybe she was just tired from the lack of coffee, maybe the stuff with Chat had been enough for her to relax for the time being, or maybe it was because it was Chloe of all people. Who knows. Certainly not her.

“Fiiiiiine,” she groaned. She shooed her out and told her to go to sleep. Then she picked up her phone.

The video opened up relatively close to her face.

“Hello, everyone! It’s me! Different content than usual, but it’ll go back to normal tomorrow.”

She cleared her throat awkwardly. “Right, if you’re not Parisian, you probably don’t know but I… do cosplay.” She stepped back to reveal her outfit. “I made this, it’s a spin on a magical girl. Original character. Cool, right?”

“Anyways, that’s really all you’ll care about, I think. The rest of the video won’t make much sense to you. You can leave.”

She bobbed her head absently for a few moments, as if listening to a song, and then shrugged. “Are they gone now? Probably. Anyways, a few of you might have noticed that my friends have uploaded some content that… shows me acting in a way you’re not used to, and I’m here to address it.”

“Firstly, yes, I behave differently at home than I do in front of you guys. I have a persona that I lean into for work. The others do the same. Don’t be surprised if you see us acting differently in videos than we do while on the job.”

“Secondly, I actually don’t dress like this all the time.” She snapped and the video cut, and suddenly she was wearing a light pink crop top and pale jeans. She smiled and held up a peace sign to the camera. “I wear things other than red and black! Stunning, I know. Do wear the colors pretty often, though, they compliment my skin tone.”

“Thirdly… a lot of you guessed it, but I figured I’d confirm it since I’m being honest with you guys today.” She blushed a little and brought her legs up to show off her cuffed jeans. “I’m bi.”

“And, lastly, I swear. A lot. Easier to express myself that way.”

“Think that’s all you guys will really care about.”

There was about a second where she considered that, then shrugged.

“Right, you’re all probably wondering what’ll happen now. Well, nothing will change for you guys. This account won’t be changing and neither will the way I act in public. I just came here to publicly address everything because I didn’t want to be hounded by the media about it.”

She flashed finger guns at the camera. “Right. Bye!”

Taglist

@iidiotkid @nathleigh @sassakitty @th1s-1s-my-aesthet1c @blueslushgueen @woe-is-me0 @ladybug-182 @cas-and-their-refusal-to-write @trippingovermyfeet @melicmusicmagic @meimei3841 @roseliali @ultimatetornshipper

#a miraculous tiktok account #ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #queen bee #chloe bourgeois #carapace #nino lahiffe #rena rouge #alya cesaire #chat noir #adrien agreste #miraculous fic #ml fic #mlb #miraculous team #chloenette #chlonette #adrino

32 notes · View notes

unambiguouslybi · 3 years

Note

Sometime during the pandemic, I figured out I was sexually attracted to women as well as men and nb ppl (I'm a woman who thought herself as straight up until that point) and have been calling myself bi ever since then. However, now I'm wondering if I'm subconsciously faking it for attention or to feel special, because while I feel sexually attracted to women and men, I can't picture myself in a relationship with a woman as I can with men. Now I'm wondering if what I thought was attraction to women was just me internalizing the male gaze and appropriating a term that doesn't belong to me. I also can't even try to flirt with women or experiment a little with my sexuality to try to figure it out because I'm in a monogamous relationship with a man (Whomst I love very much). I'm so confused and Idk what to think anymore, any advice or thoughts about this?

Honestly sounds like you've got more internalized biphobia/homophobia than internalized male gaze ahah.

One of the things I hear often regarding mspec-attraction folks is distress when it comes to learning how to express their mspec-ness. Statements to the effect of "oh I thought i was straight but I'm actually bi or pan and now I have to prove that I'm bi or pan by dating everyone that I'm attracted to" are super duper common and I get those vibes from this ask.

You don't need to prove anything, the same way a futon doesnt need to prove its a futon by changing from couch mode into a pullout bed. No matter how long it's in couch mode, it's never not a futon.

What I think a lot of us forget is that this distress isn't new. Nobody is born knowing how to date men or women or any nonbinary folks as a man or woman or nonbinary folk, and I remember a lot of teenage years spent on figuring out how to do the whole dating thing. In fact, after thinking about it for a hot minute, my [picturing myself in a relationship with XYZ gender] thoughts have changed over the years. Since middle school I've known I was some flavor of mspec, and when I first started picturing myself in relationships they were idealized fluff. Over the years I've dated quite a few people (mostly men) and my hypothetical relationship pondering has been filled out as I've actually experienced what it means to be in a relationship. Even still, I've only ever been with a small handful of women, so my [imagine myself in a relationship with a woman] thoughts haven't had the chance to be updated. The thing I'm hoping to convey is that imagining yourself in a particular relationship is an effect of having those relationships rather than a prerequisite.

In general it's still possible that you're straight, or even that you find more comfort with the straight label than an mspec label. Regardless, without any doubt, I'd say that if you're a woman and you know you find women to be hot/sexually attractive/nice to look at then you can definitely use the bi label.

As always I hope you find comfort in whatever label(s) you choose, and I hope you have a wonderful day~

-Mod Eli

#ask #anon #bisexual #bisexuality #internalized biphobia

14 notes · View notes

miss-choco-chips · 3 years

Text

YJ College au: Zatara

Zachary Zatara is both a myth and their housemate.

In which Bart has a cryptic-buddy, Tim is stressed because cute boy insists on being annoying, and everyone else just rolls with it.

Tagging @animemangasoul and @marudny-robot cause I know you guys like this au

--.--.--.--

As usual after pulling an all-week-er (he had left the ‘nighters well behind at this point), Tim was up late that saturday. The window had been left open last night, so a soft streak of sunlight wamed his bed, waking him up slowly and peacefully. Yeah, he would have liked a few more hours, but sunbathing in his sheets for a while wasn’t all that bad either. What would make this half-awake-half-dreaming experience would be some chill music.

Muddled mind made, he rolled in his bed, hand patting the mattress for his phone, squinting his eyes open when he hit something different instead.

He found himself to be almost nose to nose with a dark haired, grey eyed boy.

Tim started that fine morning screaming himself hoarse.

-.-.-.-.-

Sitting at the kitchen’s table, getting everything ready for a late sunday breakfast, Kon raised his head when he heard the strong sound of a scream, followed by… yeah, that was a body hitting the ground. It was unmistakable, in this house.

“Oh, hey guys”, he called to the attention of the rest of his housemates, all in equals states of zombie-ness, with not as good hearing as his. “Zachary is here.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“The fuck, Zach? My bed? Did you HAVE to crash on my bed? Why are you even here?”

Tim, four coffee cups after his pseudo heart attack half an hour ago, was ready to face the day and their intruder.

“Dude I live here as well, you know. Also your bed is literally the softest thing I ever slept on, you rich bastard. Learn to share.”

“I’ll buy you your own fucking mattress if you swear to never crawl on my bed uninvited again.”

The boy’s eyebrows rose, suggestively. “What was that about an invitation?”

Distressed and not feeling awake enough (he was still two cups away from that) to deal with bi thoughts this early in the morning, he turned his most helpless look to Conner.

Because he was the best friend ever, he threw a pillow to Zachary. And because he was a suck up to anyone who brought him food, Bart intercepted the hit and gratefully accepted the candy bag he got in thanks.

“But actually, Zat, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Berlin?” interjected Cassie, her own tea (the heathen) cup warming her hands as she cuddled with Cissie and Greta on the couch, legs in each other’s laps and generally being the cutest shit ever.

Anita, not very keen on that kind of sweet love, had been wrestling with Slobo for control over the remote for the last fifteen minutes. Miguel was keeping count on their hits for them, though it was mostly assured he would rig the whole thing up to whoever had bribed him better before the fight.

Tim just wanted to go back to sleep in his sun-warmed bed.

“C’mon guys, keep up”, moaned Bart, candy bag half empty already, “he was there two weeks ago. He had an exam yesterday so he came back last monday.”

“...come again?”

“I’ve been room-hopping ever since, though none of you seemed to mind. Until I disturbed sleeping beauty over here, at least.”

Miguel’s eyes left the fight to squint suspiciously at them. “We weren’t aware you were doing that. Where did you sleep? How didn’t we notice?”

“I'ma mystery. I also move around a lot when sleeping so I probably ended up under someone’s bed after crashing from studying. Oh, Anita, if you were wondering, your purple bra is under Cissie’s bed.”

Anita slowly let go of the grip she had on Slobo’s neck. Her eyes shone something dangerous. Cissie, the one who was apparently hosting the boy all along, also stood up and frowned.

“How do you even know that bra is mine!!”

“What the fuck were you doing under my bed, you bastard!”

Tim sipped his coffee, bitterly. “At least he was under it, and not sharing it.”

Kon patted his back.

-.-.-.-.-..-

“I swear, Jay, he thrives on making me lose my shit. He just… comes and goes whenever, leaving no proof he was ever there, or acting like he was always around. Drives me nuts. I’m not sure he even attends classes, and I only know he actually has a right to enter our house because his rent money always appears on the kitchen table a day before its due. He doesn’t even have a room, why does he even pay? To have an excuse to scare the shit out of the rest of us. Except Bart. The little shit lives for our suffering.”

Jason arches an eyebrow, sipping his beer as he carefully examines his brother. Tim looked less tired than the last time they saw each other, and the modifications done by his psychiatrist had done wonders to the shadows in his eyes. But he seemed somehow… frazzled.

“And he was just there when you woke up?”

“His nose was touching mine.”

“I bet your little bi heart couldn't take that, huh? Is he cute? Maybe you invited him to share your bed the night before and just don’t remember. You know how you get after a week of disregarding your general wellbeing.”

“Oh, shush you. I take care of myself. When was the last time you went to your check in with Patricia?”

Jason scratched the back of his neck, averting his eyes. “I missed one session, because I have exams too you know? But I’m up to date with Silvio, and we are working on slowly easing me off the medication.” He noticed the way Tim looked at his drink, expression screaming bullshit, and he scowled in response. “Fuck off, it’s alcohol-free. Kori and Artemis would have my head if they caught me mixing my dosage with anything stronger than tea, and I can’t deal with Biz and Roy’s disappointed eyes.”

Tim thought of the last time he refused to see his therapist, and the look in everyone’s (specially Kon’s) eyes, and had to agree. Having friends sucked when one wanted to wallow in self destructive conducts.

“Whatever, all I’m saying is, he’s not cute enough for me to forgive his weirdness. You know the people I roll with, so this is saying a lot. And I would remember inviting him to my bed, if anything for the mortification of it. I’m also…”

The ring of the doorbell distracted them both of whatever Tim was gonna say next. Waving his brother off, Jason got up to pay for their pizza.

When he returned to his living room, Tim was no longer alone.

“Who the fuck are you?” He exclaimed, eyes going back to the hallway at his back, then again at the black haired, grey eyed kid sitting next to Tim. “And how did you get in? We are on the sixth floor and I was just at the only door I have.”

Tim raised his eyes at him, and he seemed equal parts resigned and frazzled. ‘Told ya’, he seemed to say.

“Yo, the food’s finally here. I’m starving. The name’s Zachary Zatarra, by the way. Tim’s friend and housemate.”

“Allegedly” mumbled the other under his breath, earning himself a smile and pat on the back. “Don’t question it, Jay. He’ll be gone after a while when none of us are paying attention. Just let it be.”

“But while I’m here”, the other boy continued, grinning devilishly as he looked at Tim and then Jason, “instead of questioning how did I get in, what about I tell you all about your lil bro’s crush? It 's adorable.”

Tim raised an eyebrow “I don’t have a crush on anyone.”

“Like I said, adorable. He’s so oblivious, it’s precious.”

Decision made, Jason left the pizzas at the coffee table and went to fetch a soda for their guest. Gossip, especially about his siblings, was the best way to gain his immediate cooperation. And he could always force the answers about Zatara out of Bart; the brat was terrified of him.

-.-.-.-.-.-

“Hey, who has to cook tonight? Because I’m craving chicken nuggets.”

Cassie raised her eyes from her magazine, tapping a finger against her chin.

“Uhm… Zach, I think?”

Miguel nodded. “Okay, thanks, where can I find him to suggest my dinner idea?”

Cissie, legs on Cassie’s lap, dropped her head over the couch’s armrest. “Ask Tim? Wasn’t he crashing with him this week?”

That same moment, said boy entered the room, shaking his head. “No, he was sharing with Anita and Cassie.”

“No, he wasn’t… Slobo?”

“Not with us either”, denied Miguel, sharing a look with his roommate to confirm just in case.

“Conner?”

“Didn’t Bart say yesterday he was driving him to the airport?”

“Wait, he left the country again?”

“More importantly, can Bart drive?”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

When Tim came back home from class, Damian was in his living room. Using a laptop. Sitting side by side with Zatarra.

This couldn't be good.

“Hey, Timbo, welcome back.”

“Drake.”

Not uttering a single word, Tim turned around and walked out of there. Sleeping on a park bench seemed like a preferable choice, compared to finding out exactly why the two banes of his life were sitting together. It was healthier, good for his peace of mind.

Something something self care? His therapist would be so proud.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Hey dude.”

“Zatara. Your presence here disrupts my room’s feng shui. Please remove yourself from the premises.”

“This disaster zone is the farthest thing from armonious. If anything, I’m improving it.”

Tim raised his eyes from the computer screen. He could always kick the other man out, but that would require leaving the nest he made out of blankets and snacks on his bed. Perhaps a more civilized option would be better. Besides, as boundary-less as the dude was, he didn’t step into the room, just remaining on the doorstep, so whatever he was here for, he most likely needed Tim’s willful compliance.

“If I listen to what you have to say, will you leave?”

Zatara smiled angelically, like butter wouldn’t melt on his mouth, but the look behind his eyes was nothing short of devious. “That’s actually what I came to speak with you about. I have a show…”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“A magic show. Dude, you do know I’m a magician, right?”

Tim didn’t, in fact, know that, besides baseless suppositions about his disappearing-and-appearing abilities. But he had an all knowing facade to maintain, so he grunted in acknowledgement.

“Right, so, I have a show scheduled for tomorrow, but I took Bart out to dinner yesterday so I’m all dried up, and I need to buy a plane ticket asap.”

“Are you asking me for a loan?” he inquired, incredulous. As a general rule, all their housemates refrained from that. Something about not wanting to take advantage of their billionaire friend…

“No, no. I’m offering you a…. service.”

“Look, Zach, no offense? But you ain’t cute enough for me to stoop that low and pay for the… pleasure of your company. I can just give you the money and you pay me back whenever, dude.”

“No! I didn’t mean it like that! You wish I was offering something of the sort” he laughed, arms crossed and side leaning against the doorframe, chest and arm muscles perfectly visible. Tim kept his eyes carefully above neck-level. No need to give any weakness away.

“Then?”

“I know you love me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t make you miserable, right?”

“That is correct, yes.”

“Are you familiar with the ‘Buy my silence, $8.000 a month’ meme? Then get ready for a ‘pay for my absence’, my good bitch. I thought maybe you’d like...”

“Sold. I buy it. Take my credit card and go, be free, roam the world. Just get out of my room and fucking text once in a while so I know you’re alive.”

51 notes · View notes

quietnqueer · 4 years

Text

Asexual Identities & Feminist Her-Stories

This is a blog for Ace Week 2020 @asexualawarenessweek, inspired by this year’s theme: ‘Our History’.

I recently came across this talk on You Tube: ‘Ace and Aro Zines as Community Building and History’ which was delivered by Olivia Montoya at the 2019 WorldPride Ace and Aro Conference. It’s a fascinating insight into the history of ace zines. What got me particularly excited though was when Olivia started showing quotes from feminist speeches and publications from as far back as the 1970s which mention asexuality; and Riot Grrrl zines from the ‘90s and early-2000s which also discussed ace-ness.

Coming across this talk has led me to take a look back at my own involvement with feminism and how it informed the way I thought about my sexuality, prior to realising I was asexual.

I was involved in feminist activism from 2005-2008-ish, when I was in my early/mid-twenties. I was of the feminist generation that protested ‘raunch culture’; the objectification of women and the marketing of Playboy pencil cases to pre-pubescent girls. The activism I was involved in was very much underpinned by radical feminist theory and ideas; including that of the ‘woman-identified woman’. The ‘woman-identified woman’ rejects sexual/romantic relationships with men and instead prioritises relationships with women; these relationships can be sexual, but they don’t have to be.

This concept of the woman-identified woman, along with the radical feminist critique of compulsory heterosexuality, and just patriarchy in general really, definitely influenced the way I thought about my sexuality during this time. I didn’t identify as straight. But this wasn’t because I knew I lacked sexual/romantic attraction towards men (I didn’t really get to grips with this until I discovered there was such a thing as asexuality); I did know on some level I wasn’t interested in men; I couldn’t imagine myself settling down with a man; but my rejection of heterosexuality was more an expression of my radical feminism: “I’m not dating men because patriarchy, grrr!” type-thing.

I didn’t identify as bi or lesbian either, though (the only other sexualities on my radar at the time). I couldn’t imagine myself with a guy; but I couldn’t imagine myself with a girl, either. In fact, the way I thought about my sexuality is summed up perfectly in one of the Riot Grrrl zines Olivia shows in her presentation. In an essay entitled, ‘Your Revolution Will Not Happen Between These Thighs!’, its author, Lauren Jade Martin, writes: “I wasn’t straight, bi, or a dyke - I just thought of myself as nothing.”

Looking back now, I see how much I thought about (my) sexuality in the abstract. This way of thinking was certainly influenced by my exposure to radical feminism; however, I wonder whether it was also a sign of my asexuality.

Although I was in my twenties, I’d never had sex and never been in a relationship; I’d not experienced any of the fleshy, squishy-squashy feelings that (I’m told) constitute sexual/romantic attraction, and therefore a person’s sexual identity/orientation. This therefore probably made me more receptive to the radical feminist idea of sexual orientation being a political choice you can make.

Today, a decade on, I no longer think about my sexuality in this way. And that’s because I discovered (my) asexuality.

Over the past 12 months, I’ve been exploring (my) ace-ness, which has involved lots of self-reflection and examination of my past experiences and feelings in relation to all things sexual and romantic. This process of self-exploration has meant I no longer think about my sexuality as this abstract thing; now I know I’m asexual, I think about it as something more innate; as an orientation; as something I can’t help but be.

So, it was interesting to come across ‘The Asexual Manifesto’ (again, via Olivia’s talk, and available to view here). This was a feminist pamphlet published in 1972 and is very reminiscent of the radical feminism I was immersed in years ago, such as it talks about “reject(ing) any possibility of sex” (with men or with women), “unless our conditions are met… thereby prevent(ing) ourselves from being sexually exploited and oppressed.”

If I’d have come across this manifesto back in my activist days, I might have embraced its definition of asexual.

Reading The Asexual Manifesto now though, I find it more problematic; because the way it defined asexuality is different to the way asexuality is defined today. The manifesto says asexuality is something a woman can choose; that it’s an “efficient ‘alternative lifestyle’ for revolutionary women”. It does not talk about asexuality in terms of experiencing little/no sexual attraction.

And whilst it could be said, ‘yeah, okay, this is a definition from the past, so let’s not worry about it too much’; check out the Wikipedia entry on ‘feminism and asexuality’. It conflates asexuality with political lesbianism – another version of that ‘woman-identified woman’ radical feminism I was talking about above.

This conflation of asexuality with radical/political lesbian feminism troubles me because it distorts and negates what asexuality actually is. I don’t want my asexuality to be construed as a choice. Yes, I’m a feminist who has issues with compulsory heterosexuality; however, I don’t have relationships with men because of that; the reason I don’t have relationships with men is because I’m simply not attracted to them.

My asexuality is something innate to me; that’s how I experience it; how I embody it. It’s not something I’ve chosen. It’s who I am.

There’s definitely potential for an ‘asexual feminism’; but it needs to be rooted in an understanding of asexuality as experiencing little/no sexual attraction, rather than as a political/lifestyle choice.

#ace week #asexuality #asexual #asexual feminism #asexual feminist #ace history #asexual history #ace zines #asexual awareness

139 notes · View notes

ae0nx · 3 years

Text

FRUITS BASKET S3 EPISODE 12 RECAP!!!

...Do you think we'll get a Fruits Basket Another adaptation or OVA or something of the sorts? 🥺

Anyway, I'd like to start this off by shouting out whoever writes the episode descriptions on Funimation who started off the description of last week's episode as:

"Kyo finally tells Tohru what he should have told her in the first place"

🤣Damn straight.

----------------------------------------------------

We get three 'I love you and I want to stay with you, if you'll keep me's during this episode. (Four if you count Haru's declaration that he'll love Yuki forever lol) And they're all so unique yet fitting to the pairing involved...

SMOOTH OPERATORRRRR 🎶

Why did this scene make me blush so hard! It had no audacity to do that. I loved it.

Personally, I'm really glad we got this Machi and Yuki moment separate from Kyo and Tohru's moment in the previous episode as while I already love Yuki/Machi together, I do wish we got more moments over the course of the series to get to know them together and their natural dynamic as friends (without the awkwardness and uncertainty).

But, I mostly just love how this isn't an actual confession in the traditional sense of the declaration of feelings but it's more so an almost spiritual, mutual understanding and probably lands this pair as having the most natural progression of a relationship in the series.

They cute.

And Yuki really can't help being a Disney Prince, Gods bless him.

Ahh... these two...

...Just gonna note down what Akito says about her feelings for Shigure:

'I want to permeate his body, get into his cells, into his bones, invade and infuse them. Saturate his entire being with my own. Fill every corner of him with my scent, till he can't even breathe.'

😳...

I fully believe they love each other intensely and kinda, weirdly violently and I definitely can understand why people like this pairing, especially as there are real life couples that are just like this. I just would've loved if they acknowledged that their upbringing in such a toxic environment has negatively affected the way they express their love towards each other and that maybe separating for a while and trying to understand who they are without each other and the curse would be great? But, whatever, I'm not a therapist.

Considering Akito's final decision to stay as the head of the family (albeit to take responsibility) and Shigure being a bit put off by it and the scene ending with that off-key background music that always plays whenever 'God fucks shit up'... In my opinion, this might be the saddest ending for an 'endgame-level' romantic pairing in Fruits Basket...

Two positive notes: Akito looked pretty and she gets Outfit Appreciation - 5 stars! It was pretty and gorgeous but also ha da slight edge of boss bitch to it. Also, Shigure being the only one at the party left behind to love Akito fully and wholly is sort of romantic?

BEST COUPLE OF THE YEAR.

YES - MY BIAS IS SHOWING. EAT MY SHORTS.

but, ALL THE GROWTH SHOWN IN THIS CONVERSATION WAS EXPONENTIAL.

Kyo planning his future and going beyond and being hopeful about it. Kyo not wanting Tohru to just give up everything for him. tOHRU'S FUCKING DETERMINATION NOT BEING HIDDEN UNDER A VEIL OF NICETIES?!

:))))))))))) 😁

I don't think I've ever fully stanned a heterosexual couple this hard in ANYTHING. (Heterosexual assumedly cos Tohru's definitely bi in my HCs)

I dunno.. I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said in previous recaps. They're great and their progression has been written so well! I feel like they have the most casually natural 'I wanna stay with you, if you'll let me' mostly because they've been in a relationship together since the beach arc (whether they know that or not) and the easiness of their dynamic has been pretty solidified between them. But, also because they are the best written and detailed relationship in the series. It just feels natural and without question.

Also, that slightly blurry/sun-dappled flash forward we got to married Kyoru was gorgeous and I definitely wasn't expecting it! (I kinda thought Tohru's sweat drop was her crying and I got worried for a minute lol)

Kiss kiss, fall in love :)

----------- QUICK SHOTS ----------------

Yuki's goodbye to the curse was, of course, the most gorgeous of the goodbyes. Very fitting.

We haven't heard Kyo say 'yo' literally since his first introduction in the series and I dunno, it was nice to see how unburdened and less angry he is in general. So refreshing!

Momiji and Kagura conspiring to pick on Kyo cos he's the reason for both of their own heartbreaks. Yes. >:))

It was really nice having Aya there just being dramatic Aya, you could tell that the zodiac felt more relaxed by his Aya-ness

It's interesting that when Akito was remembering her greatest hits of times she traumatised the zodiac that her moments with Kyo weren't there... You could argue that Kyo's trauma was more so tied to outer members of the Sohma family and the institution/culture behind the curse but... I dunno, there were some moments...

I dunno why but I genuinely find this screencap scary and it's a curse to my eyes so now you guys have to deal with it. That's all.

It's funny, Shigure's explanation of 'why he is the way he is' is pretty much the same as Loki's explanation as to why he's the way he is in the Loki show and yet I'm still here saying fuck Shigure and stanning Loki. I'm an impure human who will only submit to Gods. I guess lol

Ending the episode on Kyoko's thoughts during her death was definitely jarring but it was also definitely needed - just to reassure the audience! This is definitely Lydia Mackay's best performance as Kyoko, the emotions in her voice really pierced through me. And her sharing Ocean Heaven with Katsuya was beautiful but WHY WON'T WE EVER LOOK UPON KATSUYA'S FACE?!

It's cool tho. <3

---------------------------------------------

Man... do we only have one episode left? What do I do after this? Lol

Also, it's a nice touch that the first episode of Fruits Basket is 'See You After School' and (assumedly) the last episode of Fruits Basket is 'See You Again Soon'. It's the uncertainty for me 😭

See you next week!

#fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket season 3 #fruits basket 2021

11 notes · View notes

asmoiras-tells · 3 years

Text

OK... so I’ve been struggling with my sexuality a lot throughout my adolescence years. I always felt some kind of attraction towards people, I’ve had pleeenty of those so-called platonic crushes over the years, but since most of those crushes I needed to hide from my family/friends/etc. and suppress from my own self because I knew that having some kind of attraction on someone that wasn’t under the cishet-male characteristics would had been another problem I didn’t want to deal with; I mean, my middle/high school years were hard enough while I was faking being cishet, so I knew for certain me expressing myself was only going to make it even harder. —I’d wished I did things different back then, but I had such internalized fear of being treated with “caution” and distaste, that I thought it was better for me to blend in. That’s why, for years, I swore it was just my closeted bisexuality the one that kept me from having a romantic/sexual relationship. That me being in the closet was the reason why I couldn't see myself in any sexual nor romantic scenario.

It wasn’t until a year ago or so that I finally had the courage to “step out” of the closet and came out as bisexual to my sister (who told me she suspected it for a while), and don’t get me wrong, it felt incredibly liberating, but somehow... I noticed I still wasn’t feeling any stronger attraction towards others. I mean, I would feel aesthetically, platonically attracted to people, and even fantasize about them or slightly get aroused at some points, but never to the extent of having the innate desire or attraction to actually pursue doing anything with them; I was more than fine by just looking at them or having them in my life.— Just like I’ve always felt, so “maybe,” I thought, “maybe, I came defective on that matter or,” I doubted, “what if I’m just faking it, confused, trying to seek some attention, just like most people told me I was doing so.”

I talked about this with the people I trust the most, and while my best friend swore I was indeed aroace, my mother told me it was only my lack of any experience in the subject , “you’ll change your mind once you fall in love.” Note: I was in a relationship at that time which ended after a couple of months because, even though they were perfect and I indeed liked them, I wasn’t feeling like everyone says it supposed to and felt like I was being unfair with them and their feelings. I couldn’t help but think something was wrong with me, but after doing a bit of research and a while of introspection, I came across with the bi-aroace community, and I finally found where I fully stand. I wasn’t the only one feeling that way, I wasn’t “broken.” It made me feel relieved, confident, so-like-myself; I don’t have the exact words to express it... it’s just great!!

I tried to find an official bi-aroace flag, but there’s none yet... so I wanted to propose(?) one which we, bi-aroaces, could show our pride with. It’s inspired by the general oriented aroace flag made by @biaroace and the proposed bi-aroace flag by @queer-coloured-glasses.

Meaning of the colours:

BLUE (#161639): I used the same hex colour code as @biaroace for our aroace-ness.

GREY (#5e5360): I decided to go for a mix of the greens [#a8d478 and #3aa63f] used in the aromantic flag and the purple [#810081] used in the asexual flag to show our affiliation with the wider aro-spec and ace-spec communities, including the aroaceflux spectrum (like mine.)

PURPLE (#9b4f96): I used the same hex colour code as in the bisexual flag for our attraction to both similar and different genders, a.k.a. our bi-ness.

WHITE: I decided to keep it instead of replacing it for the “bi-purple” to represent our wholeness and allosexual partners/allies.

TEAL GREEN (#36aea0): I kept this one the same colour code as in @biroace and @queer-coloured-glasses flags for our nonromantic/nonsexual attraction, like platonic, aesthetic, sensual, alterous, attachment, squish, queerplatonic, etc.— and nope, it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that it’s my second favorite color nor that it fits perfectly LOL

Gosh, now that I re-read this post, I kinda vented a lot on this one. I apologize if it’s a lot to read, I wasn’t expecting it to be that long. Sorry about that 7n7r

Anyhoo... what do you guys think?

#bi-aroace #aroace #asexual pride #aromantic #bi #lgbt pride #asexual #aro #ace #ace pride #pride flag #aro pride #aroace pride #aroace positivity #bi-aroace problems #bi pride #bi-aroace pride

22 notes · View notes

liishang · 3 years

Text

headcanon + bisexuality

tw. homophobia mentions (sorry guys...)

GENERAL. i just wanna talk on this for a bit because it’s really important to my characterization of Li Shang. I’m gonna break it down by his verses (canon & modern) because his sexual expression and degree of closeted-ness depends heavily on his verses so i want to make that distinction.

SOLDIER. this verse is before the events of the movie. Shang is 100% in the closet and is not out and open to anyone about his sexuality. He will not act on any feelings or emotions towards other men. He’s also fairly closed off his his relationships with woman. Shang has never been interested in anyone romantically, and it was a cause of tension and concern between his father and him. Shang threw himself into his duty because it was easier than facing the fact that, even if he was to marry or have a relationship with a woman, it would feel wrong to have part of himself ignored that he didn’t even understand yet.

CENTER. post the events of Mulan, I believe Shang confides in Mulan ONLY about his sexuality. It’s done mostly by accident by saying that he had really grown fond of her since he’d known her –– and known her as Ping. He would talk about how she was his hero and when confronted with why, he would tell her. Shang eventually begins to be more ‘out’ with those close to him such as the ‘trio’ from the movie –– Ling, Yao, and Chen-Po. As Shang comes into contact with more people, he slowly begins to become less closeted. He will be awkward, and unsure about himself when talking about sexuality, dating, and relationships with people who don’t know him well enough because of that. Some might even assume it’s because he has a wife or girlfriend that died before but the truth is that he was conditioned not to speak on it. So unless you know him well he won’t tell you. However it’s really fucking obvious so you’re muse probably knows pretty quick that he’s bi. Shang will absolutely be involved romantically with men in this verse, but he may display a touch more hesitance.

MODERN. China has very homophobic and transphobic laws for the LGTBQ+ community. As a result, Shang is NOT open with anyone in his family except his father. His father knows but it’s not something they talk about routinely. His father is also fairly accepting, even if he has a hard time understanding. When he is outside of China and in school, he is open with many of his friends to a much higher degree. He will also be more comfortable dating men in his modern verse. He may be more likely to not label a relationship with a man as a ‘relationship’ simply because of his hesitance with knowing his countries laws around them. When he returns home, he does not want to face potential danger –– especially because his father is an important political figure.

ACCEPTANCE. No matter the verse. Mulan and his friends help him to become more accepting of himself. At the end of the day, he is shy about his sexuality, but refuses to allow himself to deny relationships that will make him happy. He is a man very much guided by tradition and duty, but also his heart and when those two clash, he faces a war within himself. At the end of the day his heart is always going to win that fight.

disclaimer. below cut.

that being said, i will NOT write homophobic content. Shang may mention it in his internal dialog but I will not go into detail about it to avoid triggering and hurting people. as someone who is bisexual, i think it’s important to recognize that even in todays world, we are not wholeheartedly accepted and many of us face our challenges with this. I think it’s realistic to write characters that have these experiences, but as long as they are done respectfully and in a way that does not encourage these behaviours and allows for growth and healing. I will be hyper aware of these topics in my threads, but please inform me if something I write is upsetting and I will remove it. I don’t need an explanation. I just want everyone to be okay.

#( i didn't want to post this one yesterday cause well #yeah #but uh #here it is lskhjdf #my poor boy )#hc.#homophobia mention tw

7 notes · View notes

alittlefrenchtree · 4 years

Note

I feel so conflicted about Timmy. I loved the sweet, humble guy he was, but now he acts like the biggest diva, going to fashion shows, only hanging out with famous people. I miss the old Timmy, what I see now I don't like. And I don't like that he left earlier and didn't care about Armie, but can stop rehearsing to show his face at fashion weeks. I feel at the beginning it was only about his talent, now it's more about his fashion choices. I don't want to hate, I just feel different about him.

Me @ everyone who will read this answer : Please be kind?

Seriously, just be kind. That’s not a question, just be kind.

More important, unless you’re Nonny and looking for an answer of mine you really don’t have to read all of that. It’s mostly an observation on how Timmy’s career and image is handled right now and nothing groundbreaking at all. There a little bit about his relationship with Armie towards the end. Honestly even you, Nonny, you weren’t probably asking for an answer this long. I just love to hear myself thought, apparently. Sorry if it’s boring as hell for you 😅

I choose to believe that this ask isn’t coming from a wickedness place and doesn’t want to be mean. That’s the main reason why I’m answering this ask, instead of deleting it.

The second reason is because I’ve been contemplating the same kind of questions and the same kind of issues about Timmy for a while now. And since I’m now mostly at peace with all of it, and with the way I see him, I thought it could be interesting to share around that.

By sharing my view on how things are at this moment, I don’t want to invalidate your feelings, dear Nonny (or anyone who feels the same way). Like I said, I understand where they come from. I only hope that, by reading a different point of view, you’ll managed to feel a little bit less conflicted and maybe go back to enjoy some Timmy content like you used to. I hope I won’t sound to harsh or anything. This isn’t my intention at all.

I think the most important thing to remember is that 99% of what we see of Timmy is work. The work of an actor is not only acting. Especially when you have the ambition to become and to stay the kind of actor Timmy wants to be. Every time you see him at a public event, he’s working. Networking is working. Existing in the media eyes is working. Attending as fashion shows is working. That doesn’t mean that, in the case of fashion show for example, Haider isn’t also his friend. Of course they’re friends and of course he’s also showing support for his friend’s work. But it’s also a work relationship. That’s why it needs to be public. Haider is the one dressing him for the premieres of his movies. Haider is one of those who helped build his fashion reputation. Being seen together and publicly supporting each other work, it’s good for both of them, professionally speaking. What I mean is, when you see Tim at a fashion show or at a Hollywood party, it’s not free time for him. It’s a scheduled event on his work schedule. So when you said that he stops rehearsing to go to fashion show, that’s not entirely true. Firstly because it’s on week-end. Secondly, it would be like saying that he stops acting to do promo. Both things are work. Attending to Haider’s fashion show is also work.

Beside the London-Paris journey is hardly an effort. It would take me almost the same amont of time to go to Paris using public transports and I’m living like really close to Paris. And beside bis Timmy has seen SWM within the window of two days that was allowed by his work schedule so it’s not like he has never managed to make things work for Armie either.

For me, the problem is that Timmy has three jobs at the moment. He’s ‘one of the best actor of his generation’, the ‘most influential man in fashion’ and ‘a heartthrob for teenagers and young adults’. I’m phrasing things this way on purpose, because it shows how much weighs on him at the moment. All of this means a lot of expectations on him, a lot of judgements but also a lot of money depending on him. Even if all of his current statuts has been happening in a more or less natural way (he’s one of the best actor of his generation because he’s good at acting, his interest for fashion seems genuine and… well… He’s damn cute so of course he’s a teenage dream), my main concern is the fact that, right now, his public image is handled to encourage these three status at the same time. As long as his acting career is doing fine, it’s not a problem. If his acting career starts to be on the skids, or if one of his parts on a movie is suddenly having very bad reviews, the whole world will start to look at him and at his fashion/heartthrob statuts with different eyes.

But that moment hasn’t happened yet so I think it’s unfair to call him out on that now. He has shown nothing but hard work on the acting part of his career, and he has great things aligned for the next year. He’s a lead on the Dune remake by Denis Villeneuve, he’s starring on a Wes Anderson movie, he has that Bob Dylan thing who he seems really committed to and he’s about to do a run of a promising play. I think his choice on going back to theater, where everything is about acting, is really relevant of how focused is still he’s on acting.

I think it’s also interesting to notice the timing. For the past two years, Timmy has always been disappearing around that time of the year. So much that the Timmy drought has become a thing in the fandom. In the past, Timmy has expressed his need of disappearing and ‘going back in the mud’, both literally and figuratively, after being exposed to public eyes at this extend and for a long period of time. Truth is, I believe that Timmy is not allowed to disappear anymore. I don’t think you’re allowed to disappear for a while when Legendary Pictures is betting a lot amount of money on your pretty face. Because to disappear means media and social media will talk less about you and, in this industry, if people stop talking about you it basically means you’re dead.

So he can’t disappear. But somehow he found a way to focus on acting through theater, even if he has to do it in front of the public eyes. To be honest, I think it’s the least bad solution. I think the need to disappear for him (or anyone for that matter) for a decent period of time is really crucial for mental health and he hasn’t had this opportunity for a while, and I’m afraid he won’t have it either for the near future. Don’t get me wrong, I love that he’s doing theater again. I love having the opportunity to see him live perform I just wish he has a little bit more time to stay off the radar before going back for a whole year of craziness.

I understand that it can be frustrating to feel like most of the talks about him are about something else than his roles or his movies or his acting skills. Like I said, it’s part because of his/his team’s fault because they’ve been feeding the talk so it can keep going and going. It’s also part because the world works this way and is superficial as hell. Movie talks last a few months with the pre-promo/the premieres/the actually promo. A little bit more if you’re lucky enough to get nominations and awards. Then it becomes old news. Timmy’s persona exists every day. He’s doing and wearing new things every day and people are always more excited by what’s new. And the media will keep on using anything to have him as click-bait. It’s a win-win situation for both sides.

Except you never know when people are going to switch. One day they keep on waiting more and more of someone and the next day, they already grew tired of thi person. It’s been too much. They over did it. I sometimes use a tag that say something like « when can we say that too much is too much? » to react to what people and media sometimes do/write/say about Timmy to express this kind of feeling. Of course Tim and his team can’t control everything that is being said about him but I believe that the decisions they made in the past year? year and an half? have lead to this kind of craziness. This makes me think of that french paper, which was basically saying ‘why don’t we stop to consider Timmy as a kitten and make a fuss of everything he did and why don’t we start focusing on how he acts, because that is the real interesting thing to talk about.

Despite everything I can’t hold all of this too-much-ness against him when he’s still working so hard on his roles. I can’t blame him when I think of him giving so much on himself in that before-the-battle speech in The King that I want to go fight with and for him. I can’t blame him when I see him giving so much of himself for Laurie that he’s making me laugh and melt in the middle of a cinema room full of people when I’m usually pretty stoic in public. I just can’t blame him when I hear him talk about Dune and being so excited that he literally can’t stop himself for bouncing on his chair. I just can’t.

What I can do is not not pay attention to everything. I know it’s not an easy thing to do on tumblr and on social media when he’s everywhere and people are retweeting and reblogging the same things over and over again but if I’m not interested, I try to not pay attention. Back during CMBYN and BB era, I think I was looking at and reading everything. I’ve stopped shortly after. I didn’t read the article you’re referring to, for example. Because what’s Timmy is wearing interests me but not the shallow and irrelevant articles people will write about it. Most of them will say the same thing, that it’s Timothée Chalamet world now and us peasants are just humbly living on it. It’s going to be said over and over again until something newer, younger comes along. It’s ok. Being a teenage heartthrob will pass. Being the most influential man in fashion will probably also pass. I mean his fashion choices will probably keep on arousing interest but the world is going to catch up. Eventually.

But acting will stay.

And if in the meantime, he manages to enjoy a little bit of more superficial things and take a shot or two of confidence along the way without regretting too many decisions he made, I say why not let him do that? It’s not like we have a word to say anyway.

I understand what you mean about missing him being sweet and humble even if I disagree with you. I’m not saying that he’s not sweet and humble anymore but I felt something shift between the BB era and TK era. It’s also frustrating because it’s more a feeling than something I can prove or explain. I just don’t think he’s changed, I think he’s a little bit more guarded than before. And if I look at things from an human perspective, it makes sense?

The more people are watching me, irl or online, the more I’m going to be cautious about things I said and how I behave. The more guarded I’ll be. And in my case, we’re only talking about dozens from a few hundreds tops of people tops. Can you imagine living your life in front of millions people? I’d put some distance and some defenses between me and the world as well. He has to if he wants to survive.

We’ve been lucky to have witnessed something as precious and rare as what we have witnessed during the CMBYN and a little bit during the BB era. It was something beautiful but it wasn’t meant to last. Not in the same kind of proportions anyway.

So I don’t think Timmy is acting like the biggest diva. Like I’ve said, what we see of his life is 99% work-related and we see about 10% of his time? Less of that?

Like for example, he’s been in London for what? 10-12 days now? And if I’m not mistaking, we haven’t seen him anywhere except from fans meeting him briefly outside of the theater and him picking up food? Whatever he’s doing, if he has a wild life or if he’s in bed at 9pm every night, he’s being discreet about it. Like he’s always been discreet about his private life, his close friends and his family. Just because he’s discreet about it doesn’t mean he doesn’t see them — old friends and people who aren’t famous. He just doesn’t feel the need to post their face on social media or meeting them in front of paparazzis.

Of course if I wanted to see him as a diva, I could. I’d look at him wearing sunglasses inside and declare that he’s a diva. When there could be thousands of reasons for him to wear sunglasses inside. I wouldn’t surprise me to learn that flashes during fashion week are painful for the eyes, especially for people with color eyes as light as Timmy’s. Especially if you’re tired. Or hangover. Or maybe he’s just thinking of sunglasses as an integral part of his outfit. Like shoes or socks or jewelry or backpacks. Or maybe he just feel safer that way and it helps his anxiety. I tried wearing sunglasses all day long at a couple of occasions when I was particularly tired and it was kind of amazing. Plus it allows you to avoid eye contact with humans which is also amazing.

I wanted to touch a little bit on the fashion topic before moving on to the Armie one. I’m guessing you’re not really passionate or fond of fashion. It’s ok. You’re allowed to and fashion and haute couture don’t do much to help themselves. Or didn’t do much. I guess things are slowly changing like everywhere else. But there are a lot of ego, of superficiality, a lot of changes and improvements that could be made. A friend who has worked for designers and still work in the fashion industry once told me that the industry wouldn’t be that bad if designers stop acting like they were saving the world with their clothes. My point is, just because something has a reputation, doesn’t mean every person who takes part of this thing has the same reputation. There are people in fashion who are truly passionate about what they’re doing and teach you things about fashion that make you look at clothes as wearable pieces of art. Because when you look closely at haute couture, you can see that fashion can take its influences in architecture, sculpture, painting and in many many others artistic disciplines. It has its own history, its own revolutions, its own movements. It tells something about our time and ourselves as a society. All of that goes without even mentioning the close relationship between fashion, high fashion and movies, which I’m sure is very interesting from a Timmy perspective. (I swear I wrote all of that before reading the Dazed itw. Like pinky swear).

At this point, Timmy could have a seat in the first row for every fashion show of every brand. He could attend to all of them, with a different outfit for each, make a show every time and take all the clothes that designers would sell their cat to see him wearing. He doesn’t. He shows up for about two designers and communicate about one more and that’s all. It’s work. Something related to his red carpet premieres. It’s fun and something he uses to express himself and his personality. I think he said something in the Dazed interview among these lines. That fashion is fun but is main focus in on acting.

Here :

“With the development of my career, I also slowly entered the fashion industry. I can feel that fashion and movies are similar to a certain extent. For me, participating in a movie or wearing a suit is about the people I work with, not the brand or money. That's why I keep working with Haider and Virgil. I also maintain good relationships with many brands, but I will not be overly tied to fashion for this. Because my career is an actor, my dream is to be an actor, and I am very satisfied and very happy to be an actor.”

Regarding of Armie… Honestly I’m kind of tired of the debate. Because I’m tired of what the debate says about how we see relationships these days, without even talking about Armie and Timmy.

I’m still trying to understand at which point we has started to need public proofs of private relationships. Likes, Facebook statuts, pictures shared publicly, couple selfies… I mean what the point? How have we become so insecure about relationships and ourselves that we’re now feeling the need to share proofs of private relationships with the whole world to believe it? And to the point that we are now projecting our own insecurities on relationships of others? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

If I wasn’t talking with/seeing my close ones for a whole year or a whole decade for whatever reason, they would still be my close ones. I believe the same thing about Armie and Timmy. Except these two idiots seems to be talking to each other all the time and seeing each other pretty regularly. But because Armie isn’t about work anymore, we don’t have to see it.

Over the past four years, they’ve done nothing but showing and saying how much they care about each other and know about each other and how much they’re still close. Timmy literally said I love you to Armie in a damn public speech. Name me another person for whom he said that. The three words, plane and simple.

If you’re willing to believe that liking each other post on social media or showing up at a public events or pose in front of photographers are better proofs of closeness that what they’ve been doing so far, that says something about how you see relationships, not about how they really are.

Loving someone is not always about rubbing it off publicly for everyone to see. More often than not, loving someone is about answering your phone in the middle of the night, because the person you love and care about can’t sleep or is on another time zone and needs you. That something you can show off on social media or get papped. And maybe we need to start to believe that it’s even more valuable exactly because of that.

#alft asks

151 notes · View notes

artificialqueens · 3 years

Text

Let the Love be Your Life (Branjie) - Athena2

Summary: After their kid doesn’t know one of their favorite movies, Brooke and Vanessa have a little movie marathon introducing favorite movies to them.

A/N: This is a Christmas gift for Writ because they’re the absolute best. It also fulfills the prompt ‘List’ for Ficmas over @writethehousedown, so you can find it there as well! It’s pretty much pure fluff and I hope you enjoy! I’d appreciate any feedback you have!

Also, thank you to everyone who’s read and commented on my fics this past year. It’s been a really hard year for most of us, and sharing my stories with you made it a little brighter for me, and I hope for you as well.

Title from Mother from Carole and Tuesday.

—

“Brooke, can you get me a bowl?” Vanessa calls over from the stove, where she’s stirring a pot of rice.

“As you wish.” Brooke snorts after she says it, trading smiles with Vanessa. One of their favorite movies, and the first couples costume they did all those years ago for Nina’s world-famous–or at least city-famous–Halloween party, where there was always full catering, a DJ, and at least one rumored celebrity hidden behind a mask. One person isn’t smiling though, and it’s their kid, pausing table-setting to stare at them.

“‘As you wish?’” Sam repeats in confusion. “What is this, the Middle Ages?”

Brooke’s mouth falls open. “What? No, it’s from a movie.”

“Oh.” Sam shrugs and goes back to setting the table, clearly unimpressed.

Vanessa is nowhere near as calm, her wooden spoon clattering on the counter. “Brooke, our child doesn’t know The Princess Bride!” She leaves the stove to stand by Brooke, shaking her head in outrage.

“We’ve officially failed as parents,” Brooke agrees.

Sam rolls their eyes. “It’s just some old movie, right?”

“‘Some old movie,’” Vanessa mutters under her breath. “‘Some old movie.’ Brooke, we gotta fix this.”

Brooke nods. She and Vanessa have always let Sam be themself, reading and watching stuff freely, as long as it wasn’t too dark or upsetting. But in all that, they must have forgotten to show Sam all the movies they had wanted to, the movies that Brooke and Vanessa love.

When Vanessa got stuck on bed rest towards the end of her pregnancy, she watched movies to pass the time, and Brooke joined her when she could, rubbing Vanessa’s aching back and massaging her shoulders, doing anything she could to make her more comfortable. They talked about all the movies they wanted to watch after their baby was born, the things they wanted to do and memories they wanted to make as a family. They had even made a list of movies, but it got lost somewhere in the chaos of having a new baby. Sam might be nine now, but they can still make those memories, and Brooke claps her hands. “We need a movie marathon!”

Vanessa jumps up and down. “Yeah! This week, we’re gonna watch a bunch of movies! Sammy’s on winter break, it’s perfect! We can do one every night! Peter Pan, and the Peanuts, and Muppets Christmas Carol–”

“Jurassic Park,” Brooke adds, grabbing a notebook and pen. “And Star Wars, and Matilda … my movies are way better than yours, babe.”

“Nuh-uh!” Vanessa yells. “Mine are classics!”

“I guess Sam will be the judge of that, then.” Brooke grins.

“They will be, and you can do dishes for a week when they like mine better,” Vanessa says, raising her eyebrow mischievously.

“What do I get if I win?” Brooke asks. It better be something good, something Vanessa hates as much as Brooke hates doing dishes.

Vanessa thinks. “I’ll do the laundry for a week.”

Vanessa hates folding clothes since she does it all day in her boutique. Brooke doesn’t mind laundry, exactly, but she’ll happily let Vanessa take over and fold the endless amounts of clothes for a week.

“Deal.” Brooke smiles, all thoughts of rivalry gone and replaced with excitement of the memories they’ll make.

—

i. The Princess Bride

“Okay, is everyone ready?” Brooke stands in front of the TV, making sure Vanessa and Sam are settled on the couch with pillows and blankets and the cats, canyon-sized bowl of popcorn and cupcakes from Brooke’s sister Kameron’s bakery all ready for the night.

“Ready!” Vanessa yells. Brooke presses play, and Vanessa opens her arms for Brooke to snuggle into as the movie starts.

“At least you two aren’t wearing your costumes,” Sam teases. Vanessa and Brooke have probably been a little too eager in showing Sam that picture over the years, but Vanessa looked like a literal princess in her red Princess Buttercup dress, Brooke was the perfect Westley, and they got compliments through the entire party, so sue them for showing off. Vanessa still remembers the cool silk flowing around her and warming her hand on the soft bit of skin revealed by Brooke’s shirt.

“Don’t think we weren’t tempted,” Vanessa says. “They’re in the attic somewhere, I bet I could still fit in that dress–”

“Do we need to pause it already?” Brooke asks, and Vanessa swats at her before snuggling back down and watching the movie.

Vanessa finds herself watching her family more than the movie, watching Brooke’s eyes widen and her lips stretch into a grin like she’s never seen it before. Then she turns to Sam, who really has never seen it before. They’re skeptical at first, face blank, but then their brown eyes–so warm and expressive, like Vanessa’s–light up when the Dread Pirate Roberts reveals himself to be Westley. By the end, their smile is huge.

“You liked it, huh?” Vanessa asks.

Sam looks down. “I guess,” they say, and Vanessa knows their nine-year-old heart can’t quite admit something their parents like is cool, but it’s a start, and she’s counting this as a win in both her and Brooke’s column.

“Well, I’m ready for tomorrow!” Vanessa yells, pulling Brooke in for a kiss.

—

ii. Star Wars

Brooke knows the baby Yoda ugly sweater and Star Wars pajama pants are overkill, but she can’t help it. From the moment she first saw the movie as a seven-year-old, all she wanted was to be a Jedi like Luke and save the galaxy. She and Kameron made lightsabers out of foam swords and spray paint, and they ran around their background slicing through enemies and saving the day. Kameron had even made truffles decorated like the Death Star when Brooke told her what they were watching, her brown eyes warm with memories of their Jedi days.

Brooke doesn’t know whether this movie thing between her and Vanessa is a contest, but if it is, she doesn’t really care about it for this movie. She just wants to watch it with her kid, hope they find the same joy in it that she did.

Sam seems to be enjoying the truffles at least, and they shove another one in their mouth. “Aunt Kam’s stuff is so good,” they say with their mouth full, and Brooke agrees.

The music blasts and opening crawl creeps onto the screen, and Brooke grins, even when Vanessa rolls her eyes fondly and asks her continual question of why everyone else has such ‘weird-ass names’ and Luke’s is normal.

Brooke didn’t think anything would be better than the first time she saw it, in their living room with salty popcorn burning her lips and Kameron next to her, but watching it now, with her wife at her side and their kid on the other couch watching with wide eyes, just might be even better. She never thought she would have this life, a family around her like this, and she pulls Vanessa little closer, breathing in the familiar scent of her coconut shampoo.

Sam is grinning when the movie ends, and warmth rushes through Brooke’s chest, that her kid enjoyed something that means a lot to Brooke.

“That’s my favorite one so far,” they say sheepishly, and Brooke lets out a whoop.

“All right, all right, it’s only been two movies so far,” Vanessa says. “We’re goin’ to Neverland tomorrow, and then we’ll see what’s better.”

—-

iii. Peter Pan

Vanessa feels like a professor as she stands in front of the TV, Sam and Brooke staring at her expectantly.

“Is this a presentation?” Brooke teases. “Should I take notes?”

“Oh please, you’re the one who loves presentations,” Vanessa says fondly. “No presentation–this movie did make me want to go into design, though. Oh! And it was the first sign that I was bi. Little kid me didn’t know if she wanted a flying boyfriend or a fairy girlfriend more.” Vanessa grins dreamily. She can still remember her heart fluttering the same way when she looked at Peter and his coppery hair as it did when she watched Tinkerbell pout, how it all made sense when she was seventeen and fully realized that she was bi for the first time.

“Start the movie, Ma!” Sam yells.

Vanessa does, then instantly pauses it, turning to Sam with worries in her mind. “Don’t get any stupid ideas from this movie, now!” she warns. “Don’t go flying around with people who show up in your window, no matter how cute they are! And Wendy was a child, acting all grown, Lord help us when you become a teenager–”

“Okay, Ness,” Brooke soothes, motioning for Vanessa to sit with her and pulling her into a hug when she does.

“I promise I won’t fly around with people in my window,” Sam says, and Vanessa smiles, reaching over and ruffling their brown waves.

“You better not,” Vanessa says, leaning back into Brooke, her wife still as cozy to cuddle with as she’s always been.

Vanessa’s dancing in place and belting out all the songs in no time. She’s known all the words since she was six, when she would perform the whole movie in her living room or sing them to herself as she drew fierce pirate coats and sparkly fairies with striped wings, and they’ve refused to leave her brain, even if she wishes she could have that space for something useful like where she put her phone.

Brooke’s not much of a singer, but she hums along, and when Sam’s soft voice hesitantly joins Vanessa’s, she knows the night is a success.

—

iv. Matilda

It’s not as action-packed as her other favorite movies on the list, but as a shy kid who always had her nose in a book, Brooke’s always had a soft spot for Matilda. After she had to accept that becoming a Jedi wasn’t a viable career path, it had been Matilda that gave her the idea to become a librarian. She could surround herself with books all day, and help people find the book they were looking for, introducing them to whole new worlds through the pages, just like she does with each bedtime story for Sam every night.

“This is a movie about a kid with magic powers, right?” Sam asks.

“Right,” Vanessa says, “and Mommy loves it because she’s a big nerd.”

“Hey!” Brooke protests, but Vanessa is laughing and giving her a warm hug.

“You know I love you for it,” Vanessa says simply, and Brooke hugs her back and knows it’s true.

It’s nice to watch a movie she hasn’t seen since she was a kid and find it still makes her smile the same way, still gives her the same hope at seeing a shy girl who loved books the way she did—and still does. Brooke has never been the confident, outgoing kid in so many movies. She was quiet and kept to herself, and Matilda gave her a world where she could be the hero. She hopes Sam always feels that way too, always knows that they can be the hero.

When the credits roll, Sam declares that it’s not their favorite off the list, but Brooke doesn’t mind.

—-

v. Peanuts

“Why are these even on the list?” Sam asks as Vanessa fiddles with the TV. “I’ve seen all the Peanuts movies.”

“And you’ll see them again!” Vanessa yells. “This is different. They’re official now, on the list and everything.” She starts the Easter special and shuts down all the arguments, biting into a peanut butter cookie.

“All right, all right.” Sam gives in, but they’re not complaining. Sam once tried to make Riley dance like Snoopy, and Vanessa knows they love these movies just as much as she does.

“This is another thing that got me into fashion,” Vanessa says. “Because I didn’t know why they always wore the same boring old clothes in all the movies, so I drew them wearing some new ones.”

“Of course you did.” Brooke grins.

“Well, I had to jazz those outfits up! They’ve been wearing the same clothes forever!” Vanessa laughs. She’s always wanted people to wear clothes they feel like themselves in, and somewhere in between drawing new outfits for cartoon characters, she decided that was what she wanted to do, and it’s what she still does with her own little boutique, just up the street from the library where Brooke works. She loves getting to help people pick out the perfect outfit, watching them smile as they come out feeling as good as they had hoped.

She leans back as Charlie Brown and the others take them through all the seasons, from Easter to Halloween to Thanksgiving and finally Christmas, where Vanessa reaches for tissues and even Sam pretends they have dust in their eye. Vanessa always wanted to fight the other kids for being so mean to Charlie, and even as an adult, the urge is still there.

When the movie’s done, an idea pops into Vanessa’s hand. She whips out her phone and brings up the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack, yanking Brooke into the middle of the room and pulling her into a dance while Sam twirls around with Riley, cats watching from the couch, unimpressed.

“Ness, you’re making me dizzy,” Brooke giggles as Vanessa spins her faster and faster, until they almost crash into the Christmas tree.

Sam is cackling next to them, and Vanessa slows up, pressing her chest close to Brooke’s and melting as Brooke places a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

It’s her favorite movie night by far.

—

vi. Jurassic Park

All her movies on the list are special, but this one just might be the most special for Brooke. Because this is what she and Vanessa watched on their first date.

Brooke had started her first job at the library the same summer Vanessa started doing formal design sketches for a portfolio. She came to the library to get fashion books for ideas, and Brooke secretly hoped she would come back in every day, so they could make small talk and maybe she could say something funny to see Vanessa smile again. And almost every day, Vanessa came back.

Summer was half over and Brooke thought they would do nothing but talk with a library desk between them when Vanessa finally asked her to a movie in the park, both of them giggling as they set the date because they were finally going out after weeks of flirting and smiling and wondering if feelings were reciprocated. A dinosaur movie might not have been the most romantic choice for a first date, but they curled up together on a plaid blanket and let their fingers meet in the bag of buttery popcorn, and when Vanessa gave her a soft kiss as the end theme song played, Brooke knew she was the one.

She looks at her wife now, humming along to the opening theme and eating the dinosaur sugar cookie Kameron made, and knows that she’s still the one.

They snuggle up together and make dinosaur noises that cause Sam to look at them in annoyance, but it only makes them laugh harder.

They watch on the edge of their seats even though they know the ending, and Sam does the same, jumping every time a dinosaur pops out. When the end theme plays softly as the characters escape in the helicopter, Vanessa has tears in her eyes. Brooke’s not a big cryer–the last time she cried was probably when Sam was still a baby–but her eyes pool with dampness too, until she and Vanessa are holding each other and half-laughing, half-crying, because this movie is what brought them together.

“What are you doing?” Sam asks in alarm. “Why are you crying over a dinosaur movie?”

Brooke and Vanessa just laugh and exchange a soft kiss.

—

vii. The Muppet Christmas Carol

Christmas has always been Vanessa’s favorite holiday. As a kid, she fought her brothers every day to move the little Christmas tree counter on their Advent calendar, her excitement only growing as the day grew nearer. She’d just make it through the extra-long church service, and then she was free to play with her cousins and stuff herself with cookie after cookie and wake with the sunrise Christmas morning to jump in her parents’ bed.

Only now that she has her own child jumping in her and Brooke’s bed at an ungodly hour each Christmas does she realize why her parents would groan so loudly and what a little demon she must have been.

But her and Brooke don’t mind–they both love it, really, love all their traditions. There are the cookies they bake all month, the toy drive they help with at Sam’s school, and then Vanessa’s turn bringing Sam shopping to buy Brooke’s present and Brooke’s turn taking Sam to buy Vanessa’s present. The weekend after Thanksgiving, when they’re still stuffed with leftovers, the tree goes up, the three of them passing ornaments around while Vanessa narrates the history of how they got each one and almost falls on the tree trying to prove to Brooke that she can reach the tall branches. The tree is her favorite part, with the rainbow lights twinkling and the shining star looking over them. The tree is extra bright tonight, Christmas just days away, as Vanessa starts one of her favorite Christmas movies.

“This was my favorite to watch when I was pregnant with you,” Vanessa says to Sam. “The doctor said I had to go on bed rest, and I was so mad because it was almost Christmas and I wanted to do stuff. This was the next best thing.” She still remembers those long days, the pain in her back and hips and shoulders combined with the sadness of not being able to hang up lights or bake cookies or do much of anything. The Muppets at least made her smile, gave her a piece of Christmas she could have while stuck in bed. And when Sam was born perfectly healthy in January, she knew it had all been worth it.

“I swear, I heard Kermit in my sleep for weeks,” Brooke says, rolling her eyes but smiling anyway.

“You love Kermit and you know it,” Vanessa says.

Brooke just snorts, but Vanessa knows she’s right.

Vanessa knows most of the words—she really did watch this movie a ridiculous amount of times when she was pregnant—and finds her mouth moving along with the characters. The movie still makes her just as happy as it did when she was stuck in bed, makes her love Christmas and her family that much more. It doesn’t mean she’s forgotten the bet though, and the credits have just started to roll when Vanessa leaps from the couch and turns to Sam. “So?” she asks expectantly.

“So what?” Sam asks casually.

Vanessa huffs. “So, whose movies did you like better? Mine, right? Say mine.”

“No way.” Brooke pops up behind her. “Mine were way better.”

Sam just rolls their eyes. “Come on, you know I can’t pick between you two. You’re both my favorite.”

Vanessa melts then, pulling Sam into a bone-crushing hug, Brooke wrapping her arms around both of them.

“I guess we’ll just split the house stuff next week,” Vanessa says.

“You mean like we already do anyway?” Brooke snorts, holding them tighter.

Vanessa just smiles. She has her family, and tomorrow is their holiday party with all their friends, and then Christmas with her family and Brooke’s family, and her smile deepens. She watches the snow fall softly outside and knows this will be the best Christmas ever.

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #branjie #lesbian au #fluff #athena2 #concrit welcome #submission

9 notes · View notes

hellomynameisbisexual · 5 years

Text

How To Talk To Your Partner About Being Bisexual, According To Experts

BY GRIFFIN WYNNE

FEB 5, 2019

In a world where others may try to define you by who you're dating, understanding yourself not in relation to whom you're with can be, well, really freaking hard. No matter how long you've been out, it's not always easy to know how to talk to your partner about being bisexual. And whether you're seeing someone of your own gender, a different gender, or no gender at all (let alone same or differing sexualities), discussing your identity with your boo and establishing how they can help you feel validated and supported in it, is no small task.

According to a 2013 study by the Pew Research Center of nearly 1,200 LGBTQIA+ identifying people, only 28 percent of bisexual people reported being out to their friends and families, compared to 71 percent of lesbians and 77 percent of gay men. In a 2013 article titled, "Why Bisexuals Stay In The Closet," The Los Angeles Times reported that bi folks often don't come out for fear of facing hurtful stereotypes. With the pressures of biphobia (harmful stereotypes or judgments passed about bisexual people being more likely to cheat, less likely to seek monogamy, or just want to "experiment" in their sexuality) as well as bi erasure (denial of the existence of bisexuality), coming out as bi on an individual level can be a tumultuous process that's not necessarily easier within the loving bonds of a romantic relationship.

"Recognizing that not everyone is out (and doesn’t want to be out when first getting to know someone), it’s important to make sure you’re in a safe situation and that [coming out at bisexual] is a choice you are making," Hali Holtzman, a bisexual leader of an affinity space for Boston-based LGBTQIA+ identifying young adults and allies, tells Elite Daily. "There is nothing worse then being pressured to come out."

If you're a bi person on a date with a straight person, they may not know you're queer, which makes coming out as bisexual to a new boo particularly complex. If your date wrongly assumes that you're straight, coming out to them as bi can mean baseline coming out as queer, which can mean facing invalidating comments. "It is exhausting and frustrating to have to continuously defend my sexuality," Holtzman says.

When you're bi and your partner is a straight, cis person, it can be hard to feel validated in your identity, especially if people around you are focused on some biphobic misconceptions. "I have had the experience where friends, family, and peers who know how I identify question if I 'changed my mind' because I’m with a man. But I feel as though this invalidation typically comes from outsiders," Holtzman says. "When I’ve dated straight men, they haven’t had that toxic, 'Oh you’re straight now' mentality. This is because I won’t date men who believe that BS." Of course, coming out as bi to your straight partner can be incredibly difficult if your partner does believe that dating them means you're straight. Holtzman suggests having open dialogue with your partner and ultimately checking in with yourself about what a partner is bringing to your life if they are invalidating to your identity.

Yet, according to Holzman, coming out at bi to a new partner can mean continuously defending your sexuality, even if your new boo identifies as queer as well. "For most of my life I only felt hesitant when coming out to straight people," Holzman says. "I realize now that within the queer community there are micro-aggressions between identities. In a romantic relationship I thought it was going to be much easier to come out to a partner if they also identify as LGBTQIA+ because they ‘get’ it. This hasn’t always been the case for me."

According to a 2011 study by The Williams Institute, there's approximately nine million Americans within the LGBTQIA+ community, which is almost equivalent to the population of New Jersey. With representation of queer people in the media more widespread than ever,it's important to remember that even within the beautiful garden that is the queer community, coming out as bi to a queer partner can still be confusing and isolating. "I think the biggest issue is that it feels as though my partners only see me as what they want me to be (which doesn’t align with how I’ve identified myself)," Holzman says. "It’s super invalidating because it feels like after all this work I’ve done to feel comfortable with my own identity, they can’t be comfortable with it. It feels like being put in a box that isn’t the right size."

It can be frustrating to spend time and energy learning to express yourself in a relationship, only to have your partner negate how you're feeling. No matter how in love you are or how long you've been dating, how your partner sees you doesn't need to change how you see yourself. Your bi identity is valid and real no matter who you're sleeping with, dating, crushing on, or even married to.

The best time to talk to your partner about being bisexual is whenever you feel ready to. "Wait until you are comfortable — you don’t owe anyone anything," Holzman says. "Having a conversation about identity is super important before entering any relationship. For me, I’m at a point where I will not put myself through the emotional toll of dating people who invalidate me." Whether you're facing uncomfortable jokes or comments coming from your date or hurtful assumptions that you "may be likely to cheat" or aren't "really queer," there may be a lot of signs your partner isn't super receptive or supportive of your bi-ness. If for whatever reason your boo isn't validating your identity, it's OK to address that and advocate for your needs.

When it comes to coming out, you get to decide the who, what, when, and where. If you feel comfortable sharing with your partner, Holzman suggests having open conversations with them about your identity. Waiting until you're comfortable and ready can help you feel strong when you choose to talk to your partner about your bisexuality. And remembering that your identity is legitimate — regardless of how your partner identifies — is a hard but super important practice.

If you're feeling ready to share your bisexuality with your partner, remember: You are real and valid, and anything you're feeling is OK. Even if others try to put you in a box for their own comfort, you get to decide what words and identities feel right for you and what kind of support you need from the people you date. At the end of the day, being bisexual is a wonderful, beautiful, amazing part of what makes you you, and anyone who can't understand what it means to be bi, deserves a big bye-bye.

343 notes · View notes