#oh unnecessary dramatic lighting my beloved

[jadequarze]

Peaceful night

💥  [Ko-fi | Redbubble | Twitter | Youtube | INPRNT] can be found in pinned post.    

#jade draws #critical role #cr3 #critical role fanart #imodna #imogen temult #laudna #oh unnecessary dramatic lighting my beloved #you can pry my dramatic lighting from my cold.dead hands #it makes absolute no sense but idfc

[itsdappleagain]

WOOHOO! Let's kick off #csweekly!

I think I'll dump all of my thoughts onto one post as we go along...and I have a lot of thoughts so sorry this is gonna be LONG

Firstly, before I start the episode, AAA I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS!!! I haven't actually truly rewatched CS in sooo long

Okay, let's go. Why don't we ever talk about the intros? Like the grabbing of the hat and then later that as part of the black and white/red intro sequence? MWAH.

Chase's headlights illuminate spots on the screen when they turn towards the "camera!"

I love this introduction to the entire show. It really makes us feel like we're part of this mystery, investigating this thief with Chase and Julia (until...well...everything gets directly told to us via flashbacks 8 minutes in..). It tells us everything we basically need to know about how Carmen operates in like 30 seconds.

Let's take a moment to appreciate the art style of this show....oh my gosh. The lighting the texturing the lineless agh its so good

I guess I haven't thought about it for a little while, but I guess Chase slamming on the breaks is supposed to fake us out thinking that he has seen Carmen's shadow. It sets up how idiotic of a detective he is, while Julia is observant and actually makes connections. I really like this early (VERY early) setup to how their relationship is going to work. However, at the same time, the show is really gunning for us to root for Julia when she starts infodumping. Chase is clearly the asshole. I can't help but wondering, though, if the show undercuts the importance of Julia's research by IMMEDIATELY cutting away to something "more interesting" (Carmen) as soon as she starts talking. What do you think?

I like how Carmen just shoots out of the alleyway and looks at them for a solid minute. She's just like 👁️👁️ i mean we KNOW it doesn't take her that long to use her grappling hook. She was just watching them

LA FEMME ROGUE

Chase's damage of cars starts at not even 2 minutes into the entire show <3

anyway

CARMEN'S DRAMATIC CHARACTER INTRO MY BELOVED <3

ALSO another shoutout to the SCORE OH MY GOD RELEASE AN OST CS TEAM

when you think about it does player's character intro ever seem a little clumsy to you? ooh yeah its player glad to hear he's on board girl you've known him for years girl. girl. he's always on board.

i love player's robots and machines everywhere <3

YEAH SORRY. SCORE AND ANIMATION AGAIN WHEN SHE'S RUNNING ACROSS THE ROOFTOPS. FRAMED BY THE MOON? OUGH

she's so unnecessary <3 you did not have to swing that grappling hook around like a whip but im so glad you did girlie

i adore how her usb is disguised like a lipstick as if subtlety was ever her thing ever. like when on earth would someone catch her in the full red coat and fedora and then be like "oh ok well there's nothing suspicious here other than the grappling hook, hang glider, and taser so I'll let you go ok

PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR LIKE YOU REALLY DONT CARE ABOUT THIS RANDOM OTHER SIGNAL THAT COULD GET YOU KILLED

OUGH THE LIGHTING WHEN SHE'S DROPPING DOWN FROM THE CEILING

just. just move. you could have just moved out of the way

her hat bending upwards when she's listening against the fake atrium <3

i love carmen's jokes about player being a little internet cave troll do we ever get more of those?? i feel like we don't and I wish we did. their dynamic is so fun when its just the two of them, which is like. never again

sorry. gina's vocal fry when she says "job." that is all

the elevator gag is actually so funny

imagine not taking the stairs 5-9 at a time. chase doesn't skip leg day smh

i love the feeling of suspense this safe cracking gives us paired with chase running up to arrest her. its fun because she gets to show off and have a lot of fun with him. but at the same time, we rarely get this feeling of suspense again when it comes to confrontations- only big boss battles like Coach Brunt, Shadow-san, and cold weather

chase used his whole entire face to ram through that door

the bag tightening is so iconic i can only be grateful that she does it again later on in the show

chase: ive never had one run AT me before

does anyone ever hear the sound that chase's hair makes when it gets slicked back? because it is a SQUISH. his hair is. so saturated with gel that his hair SQUISHES

i like how it takes chase a sec when she's reading his name from the badge I like to think he thinks he's just THAT well known of an agent that she knows him

i also like that he just stands there for a sec after she grapples through the ceiling like shit now what

free him

carmen is funny i will give her that. she can also FLY apparently because she' jumping like 25 feet no problem

the grabbing of her hat as she jumps off backwards and the backwards smirk and the oh my god im so gay ok

also julia. and the horror on chase's face dhfas

dark carmen let carmen be mean, hot, and speak other languages more and that is why i want her to come back please

chase what in the goddamn fuck

ever think about how chase landing on this car right now eventually led to julia joining acme because i do

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS CARMEN SANDIEGO (TITLE CARD) (THEME MUSIC). YES BARK BARK OUGSHDFH BARK

see chase can be smart but like that one tumblr post he can be blindingly intelligent for a minute a day and he does not get to choose when that is

CARMEN CHANGING AS THE TRAIN GOES BY INTO HER CIVILIAN OUTFIT IS SOOO ICONIC

chase continuing to ruin the car as he drives along and keeps failing is the funniest fucking thing. the comedic timing of the airbag.

THE DOUBT ON JULIA'S FACE WHEN CHASE CALLS HER "JULIA" AND COMPLIMENTS HER KILLS ME EVERY TIME

driving aggressively, of course

chase is responsible for 85% of carmen's stupid nicknames on the wiki and i love him for that

i think its half funny and half sad that carmen doesn't do anything to defend herself when gray aims the crackle rod at her. its a trend with people she thinks she can trust: she still sees him as her brother, not someone who would kill her, stun her, etc.

i love the dramatic dropping of the bag just because gray esentially gave her the equivalent electric shock of rubbing a balloon against your hair

something i dislike about carmen's character is that whenever it matters carmen is ALWAYS one step ahead of whoever doing whatever. they couldn't have had us start off by seeing her as flawed but competent, cocky but still human by having gray track her here. it would have immediately set VILE up as a real threat. but instead its just the girlboss badass gray is an idiot moment. idk

i like how they had to do the match cut but they also had to make black sheep excited so they just had blacksheep go >:) and then as soon as coach brunt used her vocal cords she went :D !!!!

why is the program only one year is my question

where does coach get all of the phones to dramatically smash

black sheep, at this time knowing full ass well that she has a contraband phone when brunt smashes one: U👄U

she said SNATCH

gray laughs with all of his teeth out

they gave black sheep insecurities about her past with gray solely so they could show us black sheep having those insecurities about her past with gray to gray by black sheep

google says it takes roughly two hours to go from poitiers to paris by train. just a fun fact

hang on why was carmen going to paris by train? they didn't even have indonesia scheduled until she got there. why didn't she take zack and ivy to poitiers?? why was their rendezvous two hours away?? why didn't ivy have ANY TIME AT ALL TO GET ZACK A SNACK?? WHY DIDN'T ZACK HAVE TIME TO GET A SNACK

the biggest nesting doll has some weird inconsistency with the burn design- sometimes its there, sometimes it isn't. i wonder why carmen never ever brings it up though?

little black sheep is so cute

actually though these are some of my least favorite parts- the big long flashbacks. in my opinion, it would have been interesting to find out about carmen's past as we went along...maybe through ivy or something, or just little tidbits. like we'd get some basic information- that she used to be with VILE- but we would uncover the details with the detectives and her team. idk. little me when i first watched this show was SO confused by the flashbacks but then again my comprehension for shit is SO BAD. i literally had no clue what was going on

that nanny just standing by as carmen smears an entire tube of lipstick on the walls

LITTLE CARMEN IS SO CUTE

its very interesting how they wash out black sheep's hair when she's in VILE spaces to fit with the color schemes that are such a prominent part of this show.

little carmen was also an asshole wheeze

THEY ARE D I V I N G OUT OF THE WAY guess they learned from notyourpants guy

girl i dont think your legs are supposed to do that

why is the captain just putting claws up like what were you going to do maul her

the poor captain got the short end of the stick every single time

carmen stole someone's wedding ring so true

the crop top with the overalls is my FAVORITE outfit of black sheep's omg

carmen, like every single other teenager, drew giant eyeballs on her papers

absolutely incredible that carmen who has at this point pressed a few buttons on a phone once knows how to text and call no problem

player, calling random places: what is your full name and address please. well i know your address but what is your full name

ALSO player's room accumulating all that stuff in the years that go by is so cute

can you imagine. player just usually gives out his real name and the only reason he didn't this time was because carmen had a weird ass name

"thats a thing" HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A HACKER IS

also how does she know what right and wrong is

lets imagine for a second player called some faculty phone line or something and professor maelstrom got this ten year old asking to aid the biggest crime network in the world just because he could and also knew nothing at all

kinda cool that they put in the weird...sewer grate or whatever that carmen later escapes out of in the shot where she's on the beach

maelstrom changes hand positions from when he asks black sheep why she requested an audience (hands clasped with thumbs up and touching) to when he says to enroll (villain steepled fingers) and then he goes back to the first on the wide shot

i admire how organically they introduce the names of all the faculty in this scene

appreciation for "the gurl is fehhahhral"

AND THEN HE GOES BACK TO STEEPLE FINGERS

i enjoy how harsh the lighting is in the faculty room. its just white on the characters

i LOVE rewatching these episodes with the lens of shadowsan's REAL motivations mmmm

i also like how black sheep really thinks about shadowsan's words

MAEL WENT BACK TO THUMBS UP CLASPED HANDS ITS ok whatever

why don't the music notes line up with the faculty raising their hands after two or three sob

where does shadowsan even walk off to. is there a door over there or does he just awkwardly scoot off and through the big doors

what the hell are even in front of black sheep's dorms a tennis court??

also i thought those dorms were where her room was where is she moving from

she tied her whole globe up with rope to walk 100 feet

mime bomb being in the background for all of this <3

i like all of the VILE Class's introductions. EL Topo is kind, Le Chevre is a bit dismissive but courteous, and Tigress is...well she's happy until she says her name and then she's a bitch about everything forever and ever

"but were you seeing things from my point of view" actually what other perspective are you giving him here

get rekt aussie boy

so upset they changed this design. the eyeliner, the fluffy hair, the red hair clip. they're so good. she's so cute. all of the young designs are cute actually

they didn't have to animate sheena's ass swaying like that

he's from australia??? really????

i like how gray was just working the soundboards one day and his pay was so bad that he was like "fuck. yeah man I'm breaking every single law. ever."

where the hell did the black on that sheep origami come from. the paper was white on both sides??

shadowsan has the best damn view on the island look at that

cleo's dress. cleo's voice. cleo's

why do they market as an import/export company if they immediately begin training as thieves. why does "villains international league of evil" matter at all

shadowsan has the only class that uses other students. the rest of the classes are main character only. so sad

my favorite part of carmen sandiego is the way they one moment don't allow the characters to say the word kill but in maelstrom's classroom he has human bones and a whole ass brain on display and then they shoot a man dead

no idea how maelstrom dropped his briefcase so that it landed on the other side of tigress's

also i love how they set up some of the two most used concepts in the entire show here: bait and switch and always protect the face

gray is blind we love him for that. she is holding a phone and gas earbuds in.

where did she get earbuds from

point and laugh

so true of le chevre to kick off the stilts the show should have let him win that one, not bs

the poor captain has gone entirely white-haired from this yearly encounter with a child

rita moreno bee cosplay

el topo's laugh is so genuine <3

what was their detention anyway? sit and talk? come up with codenames? seems more like a reward to me

imagine if gray named himself power failure and everyone called him failure

gray is a giraffe

i love the dig at old witwics with the puns for names jkdsghdsa

le chevre is very comfortable on that pole

mime bomb. that is all

class of vile, after a year of sharing a dorm with mime bomb: who the fuck are you

he's iconic

all of the different teacher rooms are sooo cool i love their designs. and once agains color theory coming through with shadowsan's red room!!!

i also like that students get to take exams with their operative gear, as it plays into how effective they will be in the field. however, what happens if someone doesn't graduate?? what happens to all their specialized gear??

she sacrificed a leg for ass. sad :(

i like how tigress acts like a cat

GET SLAPPED TIGRESS

that scrap of fabric flew SO FAR

that little wink tigress does <3

i like how shadowsan has another coat ready and waiting. who's hurt him in the past. he learned

black sheep no don't walk into the camera wait blacwfhghgfh

gray after black sheep failed so hard that she blew the entire year's worth of schooling: damn girl you're so good. best ever actually

i like how they all have to trace their names over to see if they passed like what are you getting lost on the way also getting these grades is exactly like seeing who got cast for the school musical

rip to the random background ops who failed

gray's face is actually just D:

the dutch angle dolly zoom is SOOO GOOD

tigress is still a high school mean girl. elementary school, even. the big kid's table. no children allowed

"looks like someone needs to turn in their stealth suit" black sheep she/they confirmed and sheena respects pronouns

"COME ON LET'S GO PLOT A CAPER" that is so funny to me because vile operatives as we see later NEVER, EVER PLOT THEIR OWN CAPERS

why is carmen's nose so tiny

anyway

seeing black sheep look so short next to shadowsan is so sweet considering she's almost as tall as him later <3

"are you accusing a criminal, thievery, and breaking the law teacher of cheating"

mime bomb for goodness sake. i love the animation of his face emerging from the shadows though

HOW DID SHE SNEAK ONTO THAT HELICOPTER I WILL NEVER KNOW

does anyone know whether CS uses 3d elements for some of their bigger objects like cars, helicopters, the vault door etc.

i like how vile school is completely entirely out in the open not disguised at all

gray: bye bye black sheep black sheep, from the shadows: HAVE YOU ANY WOOL

THE CREDIT MUSIC <3

OKAY so that was my post on the first episode. will they all be this long? who knows. probably. maybe. i'm so excited for this

#csweekly #carmen sandiego weekly

[rainofaugustsith]

SWTOR and Companion Death

So. Some thoughts about companion deaths in SWTOR in general.

I'm not a fan.

SPOILERS FOR KOTFE ONWARD.

I do know the name of the franchise is Star WARS, and people die in wars. It would probably be extremely unrealistic if we had a scenario where our characters spent literally 17 years of their lives (and counting...well, 12 if we don't count carbonite) fighting and nobody around them died.

However, in SWTOR I think that most of the deaths could been avoided. I don't think they benefit the story. I think that all they really do, in the end, is deprive the audience of a lot of interesting characters. 

I do think there are occasions when a player's character may wish to reject or kill a companion, but I also feel that there are ways to write so that it is an exception, and not commonplace.

And we have not even gotten to the NPC deaths. It has been a bloodbath for years with SWTOR and the writers show no signs of stopping it. Nathema - the body count from Nathema has taken almost twenty NPCs out of the main story. Onslaught? Yeah. Many more. It's become more unusual for an NPC to actually survive for the duration than to have a kill option.

I feel there are better ways to write than to take a Game of Thrones approach and kill everyone. When you eliminate everyone's beloved characters, and you leave the player with nothing more than a rotating cast of strangers, it's quite difficult to get into the story after a while.

Going through the companion deaths from KOTFE to Iokath:

Tanno Vik: The voiceover artist who played Tanno Vik died several years ago, and apparently the devs decided not to make the character recruitable in KOTFE because of that. I can understand this one. It seems that Tanno may die regardless of your choices, too. If you spare him during your meeting, he may not have survived the attack on Asylum, especially if the PC chose to use Valkorion's power.

HK-55: Yes, we get it, you wanted to show everyone that Arcann is a big old monster. The "thrown into carbonite," "slaughtering the Scions" “subjugating both the Republic and Empire” and "ruling as a harsh dictator" plot points didn't get it across quite enough. Dramatic. Yes. And they do bring HK-55 back

My objection to this death is not that they did it - because it actually does fit, even if it's a little extreme - is that they didn't make HK-55's return available to all in the actual main story of the game. I can understand making Shroud of Memory a bonus, because it's cute and funny but doesn't tie super directly into the main plot. But Arma Rasa? I think that should have been for everyone. Yes, I know you can buy it now - and I did - but I still think it should have been main story. If it were, we could have enjoyed HK-55's commentary in the rest of KOTFE and KOTET.

Kaliyo Djannis, Aric Jorgan: Fan service. But it makes no fucking sense. What exactly are you killing them for? They didn't listen, after they tried to compensate and salvage a mission that had gone south? They were left in the lurch because your PC was mission critical and went on a hallucinogenic hiking trip and didn't show up? There's literally nothing you can do to make the mission go right. It always fails, no matter who is in charge or what you tell them to do.

In Kaliyo's case, I really question why the devs thought that she, of all people, would be the character that most players would just love to spend an entire chapter with in one-on-one quality time in KOTFE. I think her kill option was a response to that - "yes, we forced you to play a chapter with this character but look, you can let her go now." Or perhaps it was a response to the frustration some players had with not being able to kill or reject her in the class story.

I think the class story could have sustained a branch where Kaliyo was asked to leave after the Wheezer incident. I think it's reasonable that a player's Agent may not have wanted to continue associating with her at that point. There were four other characters who could have taken her dialogue in the class story missions. But to do it years later? Eh.

In Aric's case, I have no idea what they were thinking. I've never had the feeling he's a character that is widely disliked. They needed to give an option to kill someone along with Kaliyo. I don't know. But it's weird and doesn't make sense IMHO.

Senya: So she's saved her boy. We get it. But considering that Senya also spent several chapters insisting that her children needed to be brought to justice, and was fully willing to engage Vaylin in combat if not kill her - the change of heart was confusing. I think Senya's fate was attached to Arcann's simply to give Arcann greater odds of survival. It seems that people like Senya even if they don't like Arcann. If the two had been separated, I really think less people would have saved Arcann.

Koth: Fan service. Nothing but fucking fan service. I'm sure it had nothing to do with Koth being a LGBTQ+ Black man who actually protested the player's actions and didn't let them off the hook. No, nothing to worry about here with that. That;s sarcasm in case I need to clarify. If things get to the point where Koth has left, your character literally works with him to save the ship and then can kill him while Lana stands there and watches and not a single person protests. After Koth has hijacked the ship and planted a bomb on it. The ship he adores. I can’t even. They could have done so much with this character and they just...did this instead. And then chose to completely ignore him even if he remained in the player's story. I still am salty, years later, that he didn't even get a cameo in the Nathema story. It's not as though the Gravestone's fate would have bothered him at all, amirite?

SCORPIO: One of the few kill options that actually might be justifiable, but the larger question is why she was trusted so much to begin with. And why the game feels it's light side to let her merge with a planet that keeps a necropolis of billions of organics it has slaughtered as research subjects.

Arcann: I feel Arcann should be handled and considered separately because he was not established first as a companion. He was framed and written as an adversary for all of KOTFE. But here we are forced to choose between "let Arcann live and become your new BFF who takes over Lana and Theron's place of trust with no punishment for his crimes" or "kill him on live television! I'm sure I'll be an Instagram Influencer now! Follow me at AllianceCommanderOdesssen uwu!"

Vette; Torian: Completely unnecessary. You have an Alliance that is so large that fighters are literally on the cliffs and in the trees helping you as you progress through the chapter. The Gravestone's taken to the skies. And yet nobody is available to swing by Torian or Vette's position to help them. You and Lana/Theron or Senya/Arcann are literally THE ONLY PEOPLE EVER who can do that. Oh, and the super-smart Hutt scientist in charge of your Research and Development team has given Vette an assault cannon for this huge battle against strong, skilled forces, despite the fact she's only operated an assault cannon...once? For a few minutes? *thumbs up, Oggurobb!*

I feel this was simply done to try to evoke emotion and to erase any sympathy the player may have had for Vaylin, since it immediately follows the Nathema sanitarium visit.

If they really felt the need to go with this, I feel they could have tied it to player actions earlier in the game. Did you do a lot of Alliance Alerts? Did you raise the Specialists' influence above 10? Did you do some of those veteran Star Fortresses and pick up a few extra companions? Then maybe you have enough extra personnel to save both. Quinn: More fan service, served up for those who would have liked to kill or reject Quinn all those years ago in the class story.

Just like Kaliyo - and Skadge, and Tanno Vik - I think the class story could have gone on without him if the Sith Warrior had been allowed to reject him after the Quinncident. I would have rejected him at that point. The writing in the class story could have sustained it. They could have given the healer role to one of the others. And then you'd get a branch where if Quinn was present, he'd show up on Iokath. If not, it would be someone else from the Sith class story, like one of the many Moffs the Warrior meets. Maybe the dude from Ilum, since he doesn't die. Or Hesker.

Theron: Now, here's the issue. The story sets up a scenario where asking Theron to leave because you no longer trust him is understandable. But I plead the case that it never should have gotten to that point. The entire betrayal story was completely unnecessary. Theron NEEDED to go undercover like that? He had a secret language he and Lana developed and just never used it to tip everyone off? He thought frying the Commander on Iokath or throwing her out the train window would be fun? After working so hard for peace, he literally sparked the next galactic war by tipping off everyone about Iokath and manipulating them all into going there so they could learn lots of fun new ways to kill each other?

Come. On. It doesn't make sense. Even in a spy game, I don't think Theron would have really thought that prodding the Empire and Republic to war with each other and the Alliance would have been worth it.

I feel like they could have done so many other things with the Order of Zildrog, and even had the same flashpoints, without making Theron appear to betray the Alliance. 

DS Jaesa: *sigh* So she saw the Commander on the Holonet, never thought of coming to Odessen and instead went to Iokath to slaughter Alliance troops. Oh, and threaten to kill Lana, who may be the player’s partner. Again, it sets up a scenario where it makes sense that a player might kill her, but why was that even necessary? The scenario itself doesn't make sense. If you have Master Ranos, she says that Jaesa was spotted hunting for artifacts, I think? Maybe just maybe they could have worked with that?

Xalek: You're killing Xalek for...um...terrorizing miners...and...yeah. Okay. Dude was in the class story for about five minutes so I don't think anyone knows what is going on here.

Broonmark: Yes, he's basically a cold-blooded killer. But he's going after this Wookiee senator because he's allying with the Republic? Or getting some Talz to be allies? The Talz already seem to be aligned Republic. He's a bit late to that party. Why is it that I don't think Broonmark would be into politics or watching the news and would not care about this?

Rusk: Um, yeah, Bey'wan, about that guy you wanted me to recruit, he's, um, dead. Because I decided to sell him out to a Black Sun gang leader. Don't be mad?

Skadge: One of the few kill options I think most could agree is...not that bad. Your mission with Rusk is to kill him. He was an adversary in the game. My headcanon for my bounty hunters is that he never gets on the ship after Belsavis. There’s no way they would have ever brought him along. Another case of correcting something from the class story?

#swtor #swtor critical #rain plays swtor

[raendown]

A commission for @naanokye19​, I hope you enjoy! This is a direct sequel to one of my little drunk writing ficlets, found here.

Pairing: ShikamaruShino Word count: 1151 Rated: T+ Summary: Sometimes his husband can be a handful but Shikamaru would still count every moment as wonderfully worth it.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI and commission info in the header!

Worth The Trouble(some)

Shikamaru’s first thought upon entering the kitchen was that obviously his husband had exaggerated. Just a tiny bit. Very teeny. He was hardly aware of every single jutsu or seal in existence so who was he to say whether there might be some way of keeping dinner hot enough to steam after two hours had supposedly passed. Shikamaru was, however, renowned for his mental acuity; he knew better than to point out the inconsistencies of his husband’s declarations now while he was still high on his own need for drama. 

“This all looks very good,” he murmured instead. Shino stopped in front of him and Shikamaru easily took advantage of the pause to move close enough for a light kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for cooking dinner.”

“Your praise is appreciated, though unnecessary.”

“Don’t be like that.” Shikamaru grinned as he leaned in for another buss on the cheek but louder this time, deliberately making a smacking sound with his lip just to watch the other man wrinkle his nose in distaste. 

Judging from the looks of the room he could tell Shino had put a little extra effort in to dinner tonight, very likely the reason behind his huffiness at the prospect of having such labors go ignored. One thin tapered candle stood tall in the middle of the table, the base surrounded with several dishes in a visually pleasing array. Not many would peg Shino for one to pay attention to this sort of thing but his eye for even the smallest details was one of the first things Shikamaru had fallen in love with. The fact that he typically didn’t toot his own horn about it had been the second.

Not, of course, that he loved the man any less on nights like these when the lure of dramatic emotions overtook the usual balance of a calm, collected partnership. If anything Shikamaru knew that these nights helped him to stay on his toes. A relationship where every day was the same old routine would do nothing but bore him. 

“Looks like you worked really hard on a nice evening together,” he pointed out for no reason other than to let his partner know that he’d noticed. “All for a lazy schmuck who accidentally ignores you. For two whole hours even. What can I possibly do to make it up to you?” 

“Eat,” Shino grumbled shortly. His face, bare of the visor that hid him away from the rest of the world, looked caught between smug for having his efforts noticed and irritated for being called out on his very obvious lie. After what appeared to be some very serious thought he eventually settled in to the same contented expression that followed every one of his bouts of drama, the high that came after realizing that someone loved him no matter how ridiculous he acted. Shikamaru saw no reason to disabuse him of that notion. It was true, after all. 

Dinner turned out to be as delicious as it looked, not too bad considering they had both once agreed that after making sure a meal was nutritious the actual taste of it didn’t matter half as much as Choji would have them believe. They were shinobi. They didn’t require tasty meals to function on the battlefield. Lucky for them both Shino had gotten utterly bored one evening while Shikamaru was working late at the tower and somehow ended up reading several cookbooks. That one evening had single handedly saved both of their taste buds. 

When they were finished eating Shino stood to clear away the dishes and Shikamaru frowned. His eyes tracked the other’s movements until he stopped by the sink to begin running water. Unacceptable, he decided. The one who cooked shouldn’t have to clean up as well, that was something he’d learned from watching his own parents. 

On silent feet he rose to pad across the kitchen. Although he didn’t make any noise there was no doubt Shino knew he was coming; if all other senses failed him his bugs were always around to whisper the world’s secrets in his ears, something that had taken a while to get used to after the two of them finally moved in together. Shikamaru was glad of it now for preventing any startled jumpiness when he wound both arms around his partner’s waist and hooked his chin over one shoulder. 

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” he mumbled. Shino’s hands paused in testing the water’s temperature, head tilting to one side in thought. 

“I am filling the sink. Because that is necessary to do the dishes.”

“Yeah that much I guessed,” Shikamaru said with a little smile. “I meant why are you doing the dishes? That should be my job tonight.”

Shino turned his head just far enough to blink over one shoulder with a lofty expression. “You seemed to be quite busy early. I would be a poor husband indeed if I did not support you in any way I can.”

Ah, apparently he hadn’t entirely given up on these shenanigans. A little troublesome but that was fine. Shikamaru reached forward to shut the water off and then stepped back, gently turning the other towards him where he could cup that beloved face between his palms. When he leaned in Shino met him as easily as the first time. Their kiss lingered, slow and unhurried, but when it was over Shikamaru could do nothing to hide the way his breaths were suddenly hurried and short. 

“One night of leaving the dishes won’t kill us,” he said. “Why don’t you leave that and I’ll do them in the morning? I’ve got, ah, something else in mind to fill the rest of our evening.”

“Would that something happen to have anything to do with the bedroom?” Shino asked. What a shrewd man.

“Could be the couch if you prefer.”

“No, I- ahem.” Pausing to clear his throat, Shino looked away as if that would hide the rising flush of interest blossoming across his cheeks. “The bedroom works fine for me. Why? Because I find pillows to be much more comfortable than the arm of the couch.”

Shikamaru laughed and began walking backwards with the other still trapped in his embrace. “You know I love you, right?” 

He was unprepared for the serious look in those dark eyes so very few people had ever been given the honor of seeing this close. When Shino reached up to touch his cheek it shook something deep inside of him that he hoped would never come unshaken again. 

“And I love you as well.” 

Shikamaru breathed deeply before pulling his husband in for another kiss. If Shino said it then it must be true. Maybe - maybe - he should have listened to his father all those years ago when he said that marriage was troublesome, yes, but worth it. Oh so very worth it. 

#rae writes #commission #shikashino #shikamaru #shino #fanfiction

[duhliriouss]

Joker One - Shot

Grind on Me

Based on @jokerflecker’s anon ask rollplay that got a little too REAL , I’m sorry if this is a flop. I tried writing it as fast a possible for all you horny clowns and kinda went over board 🥺

A/N: plug in those headphones! I like to add music to fics a lot and find that listening with headphones on while reading really brings in the mood ❣️ well at least for me it does (I don’t do anything without music blaring in my ears) I’m sorry if I made it too musical :/

Summary: Joker has made you sexually frustrated so you end up grinding yourself on his thigh. That’s it really except for the insanely added random stuff😅🖤

Word Count: 3,625

Warnings: Swearing, SMUT

You’ve never committed a crime in your life. You can even say that now; as you waited in Joker and yours’ shared apartment for him to come home from his daily tasks of being his clown prince self.

You always had followed him blindly after his transformation. You’ve been together for so long now. And you were okay with his new-found confidence. You were okay with him switching the gears in your relationship; he was in charge now, and thank god for that...you were never good at taking the lead anyway. Now don’t get yourself all wrong, you loved Arthur dearly before he changed. It had always made sense when you soothed his laughing attacks before bed, when you gave him a warm soothing bath and kissed his bruises tenderly to make them feel better. You would do it all over again if you had to, even if it meant to go through mountains and valleys, hell and back just to protect him from the cruel world that had ambushed him vigorously day in and day out.

But you didn’t have to anymore. Instead, the tables had turned. It was Joker now that went though hell and back to protect you. Although this time it was to save you from the consequences of his own actions, the actions that you justified each time he added a number to his kill count. He never killed for the fun of it. It was for solid reasons; They deserved it, and he shows you just how much he appreciates you every day for staying by his side. He was only blossoming, and you will blossom with him in your very own way. You’ve become more loose, not caring what others think; Dancing in the rain with your beloved after he had just blown up the bank, splashing your feet in the wet remains and ash that sprinkled down with the cold water droplets that sent chills up your spine, mingling with the adrenaline you were both high on. And you have never felt more alive.

And that’s exactly what you did in this very moment..

( Listen To: Just the Two of Us - Grover Washington )

The radio trumpeted throughout the flat. Joker would be home soon and what better way to celebrate than lighting a cigarette and letting your head boom so loud you couldn’t even think straight? It sounded great to you, as it did everyday since it had become routine. You’ve grown bored most days since you liked to stay home all curled up in just your clown shaped slippers, one of Joker’s sweatshirts and your messy (y/h/c) hair, watching the news in anticipation to possibly see what your Joker has done now.

You smiled mischievously as you lit your cigarette, bobbing your head slightly to the vibrational thumps of melody that traveled from the floorboards up to your legs.

Just the two of us

Building castles in the sky

Just the two of us

The song certainly didn’t match the gracefulness of your sun dress you decided to wear today, but you danced anyway.

You lifted up your arms above your head with the cigarette in one hand, swaying your body back and forth and singing along, with your head held up high. The twilight sky seeped though the opened window, turning your living room into a lush blue hue, illuminating your already light blue floral adornment while darkening the rest of the flat into darker shades of purple contours.

You boogied and let yourself free, your body finding its way to each corner of the flat. You kept your eyes closed for the most part, letting yourself feel the strains and chords of the day, melting into a simple bliss of song. You moved your fragile, elegant body in ways that would be hard for anyone to keep their eyes off of; especially Joker, since he was already silently watching you from the doorway that led straight to the living area. You kept going, completely oblivious to his presence that had been muffled to the unnecessary loud music that seemed like it could shake the whole damn building.

He moved his forearm against the opened door frame, getting himself more comfortable as he watched you in complete amusement. This was clearly a routine for him too. He enjoyed nothing more than coming home and catching you in the act at your most tasteful state. He was infatuated by the way you’ve changed, with your afresh freedom that he created for you. For the both of you.

He started to tap his foot, his green oceans flicking back and forth as to follow your every move. His red painted lips turned upwards into a wicked smirk, nodding his head with chuckles escaping his throat.

“And darling when the morning comes

And I see the morning sun

I wanna be the one with you”

Joker sang out loud to you. You wiped your body around to find him leaned lazily against the door frame. Pure excitement boiled up your spine to the site of his return as you smiled broadly. Joker’s eyes twinkled to your contagious, beaming grin, causing his smile to grow even wider. You lifted your arms outward with your cigarettes still in your hand as you sung back:

“We can make it just the two of us!”

The saxophone that played in the song had begun as Joker swayed his way over to you, graceful in his bouncing steps, pulling his hands in front of his face in a silly attempt to fake-play the instrument. He kept going in a desperate plead to make you laugh until he was up close to you. And oh did it work. You couldn’t get enough of his absurdity. You laughed audibly over the fading out music, flicking your cigarette to the ash tray by the table that laid next to you so you could stretch out your open arms for a well needed embrace.

“There’s that laugh” Joker cracked out lovingly.

He reached in for your welcoming embrace and held you for what felt like forever. The only sounds now just being the radio talk show host:

“And there you have it folks. Our next song here will get that fog out of your brains. We are all disheartened from all the terrible riots that have been happening all over here in Gotham. So wind down, grab a glass of wine, and kick back to this one..”

(Listen To: Come and Get Your Love - Redbone)

“I’ve missed you” you breathed as you clung to his red suit.

“Shhh, I fucking love this song”

“Wha—“

“Shh” he hissed again “dance with me love”

You complied with a over dramatic eye roll along with a smirk as Joker grabbed your hips and gently started to move your body along with his own. He didn’t even give you any time to take in more of his scent or even be greeted with his usual array of kisses that he leaves all over your face and chest. Once there was music involved, no matter where or what time of day, Joker was clearly unable to contain himself from boogieing down and giving his full attention to anything else. You didn’t care however...actually, you fucking loved it. Nothing was hotter to you than watching him dance. Music or no music. It didn’t matter. His moves would never look as good on anyone else but himself. It sent you in a trance and always sent sparks of butterflies up your core. Actually, it was even more hot when he dances up against you; especially to music like this that forced the both of you to rub up against each other, other than the usual slow dancing and floor dips. Dancing to songs like this made you desire more of him. His confidence dripping off like pure honey, drizzling off the spoon.

Joker spun you around so your back was flush against his chest. He crossed your arms in front of your own chest and kept hold of your forearms as he moved his own hips back and forth, grinding against you. His unruly green locks bounced against the back of his shoulders enticingly. You followed along matching his rhythm, leaning your head back slightly so you can look up at his authentic, painted features. A smile plastered on your face as Joker leaned down and kissed the front of your exposed neck. You both continued to dance back and forth.

The bass that reverberated the entire building enveloped the moans that cracked out of your throat when he forced his tongue out to lap at the sensitive skin. Joker didn’t have to hear it to know what he was doing to you. He actually smirked against the pulsing point of your throat as it quickened. He could also feel the vibrations from your throat too as you whimpered.

“Heeyy“ He sung against your neck, you could feel his hot breath as his face nuzzled against you.

“Heeyy” you replied for the next verse. You both kept your eyes closed, both very aware of each other’s giddy, foolish smiles.

You gasped internally as Joker brought his mouth up to your ear, tucking a strand behind it as he spoke:

“I know what this does to you. I can feel your legs trembling”

“Then do something about it.” you teased back, making sure to keep the innocence in your voice as you spoke softly, though you couldn’t hide the shudder that ran through your body to his words.

Joker hummed in response. Your bodies just kept moving in a silent game of who can make the other give in first. It was Joker’s turn as he let go of your crossed arms and slid his rough hands down the seem of your dress, stopping at the front of your hips and grabbing down. Your breath hinged, cursing internally to yourself for telling him long ago that this was your sensitive spot.

Your heat was starting to drip to the inside of your thighs, you swallowed hard in anticipation of realizing it was now your turn. But before you could even think of what to do to get him going, the music ended.

“That’s alright” you thought to yourself. “I don’t need music to win”.

Apparently you did as you realized Joker had let go of you now. You stayed facing away from him for a few seconds as the talk show host invaded the silence that resided the room. You turned around to meet his gaze which you thought was right behind you, but instead watched as he was actually over in the kitchen area, pouring 2 glasses a wine for the both of you.

“Hey! That’s not fair! It was my turn!”

He seemed to ignore your clamor but held a small, smug grin which didn’t seem so small with that exaggerating, red stained smile. He made his way over with the 2 wine glasses, passing one over to you. You snatched it out of his hands, waiting for an explanation on leaving you this flustered.

“Your turn for what darling? I can’t dance all night. And besides..” he paused to reach down to the coffee table, grabbing his cigarette and lighting it. “That radio guy was really making me crave some wine”

Your lips parted slightly in bewilderment. Joker on the other hand took a long drag off his cigarette, looking deep into your dilated pupils. He was eating up all of your sweet reactions, it was such a drug to him, watching you be a writhing, flustered mess. You were completely unaware of the fact that this was still Joker’s turn. And he was winning. You never stood a chance and deep down you knew better.

You didn’t move and kept your eyes locked on him as he gave you a half chuckle. He held his cigarette with his mouth while he walked passed you to get to the tv, switching it on before making his way back to the couch. You turned to get out of his way but stayed standing still with the wine glass in your hand. You were feeling rather speechless on what to do or say next. Joker sat down gently on the couch as to not spill his brim-filled beverage. He kept his legs spread out and reached out his arms to the back of the couch lazily. He stared at you for a moment again, so you crossed your arms childishly and formed your lips into a pout.

“Yes?” You asked.

“I can’t see the T.V doll, could you move for me?”

His words stung straight to your chest. You were still completely unaware of his little game, prudishly under his control and he knew it. This was only making him radiate even more confidence. You stepped out of his way and stood to the side. You held your glass of wine with both hands, as if suddenly forgetting how to properly hold it due to how unnerved you were still feeling. You were extremely frustrated with the arousal you were still experiencing. It had all stopped so abruptly and all you craved in this moment was his hands on your soft skin again. Your skin tingled from being especially touch starved in this moment.

Your frustrations got the best of you as you failed to notice Joker’s enlarged pupils boaring into your innocent form. He was clearly satisfied with himself for thoroughly throwing you off. He was in control now. Your thoughts were finally interrupted as Joker cleared his throat. You snapped your head up to look him in the face, causing him to grin widely at seeing your flushed cheeks. You waited for him to speak but instead watched as he placed his already half drunken wine glass gently down on the side table, then using that now free hand to pat on his lap.

“Come”

He didn’t even need to say anything for you to know he wanted you to straddle him while he watched T.V. It had also become a routine for you and Joker’s down time. You sighed, ultimately giving up and walking over to him with a sheepish, tired smile painted on your lips. You sucked down most of your wine before taking your place on his lap. He didn’t move a muscle as you tried to get yourself comfortable, though it was hard seeing how, for some reason, he wasn’t closing his legs enough for you to be able to saddle him with one leg on each side of him. You didn’t think much of it though, you got comfy anyways by placing one leg on each side of just one of his legs, then lying down your head against his red suited chest to close your eyes and let the wine lull you into a dizzy nap.

You were struggling however, you couldn’t stop thinking about Joker’s hands on you just minutes ago. You felt slightly ashamed by how wet you were still getting underneath your sundress. You needed some friction more than ever right now. So you slowly started to move your hips against his thigh, oh so carefully as to not get him to notice. You acted it out as if you were just repositioning yourself.

Joker smirked wickedly as he kept his eyes to the T.V. , he had the news on which played a segment about himself. Though it wasn’t the purpose for his smug smirk - he knew exactly what you were doing. You had fell right into his trap, just how he wanted it..

“It’s okay darling, go ahead, rub yourself on me” his voice cracked a little

Blood rushed to your ears from his words. Your head snapped up drastically as you looked into his eyes, which flicked casually from the T.V to meet yours. You could see his dilated pupils now.

Was this his plan all along?

Joker watched as your rosy cheeks turned into a deeper red, flushing down all the way to your breasts. His gaze dipped down until stopping at your heaving chest. He swallowed trying to rewet his mouth, then licked the button of his lip before bringing his thigh up just gently enough to reach your heat, causing you to twitch slightly.

“Come on, don’t be shy now”

His words mixed with his relaxed posture was driving you crazy. Juices were soaking your panties at this point as butterflies continued to dance in your veins. You’ve never rubbed yourself against your Joker’s thigh before, so you complied timidly, steadying yourself first by placing your hands gently on his broad shoulders. You positioned and grounded your swollen bud on the right spot, instantly feeling the warmth that took shelter under his pant leg. You were a little too embarrassed to look him in the eyes yet, so you curled your back forwards slightly to give yourself room to rest your head into the crook of his neck. You could feel his pulse point quicken as you began to move yourself back and forth. Once you leaned down under his chin, Joker lifted his head slightly to give himself room to place his cigarette between his lips without interrupting you. His cigarette hung loosely from his mouth while his hands found their way back to the backs of the couch.

His eyes stayed locked to the T.V as you continued to grind on him; He wasn’t watching it however. His eyes stayed locked in on the reflection of the television, observing each and every motion of how you got off on him. How your (y/h/c) hair fell messily around your shoulders, down your back as you moved yourself on him.

Your breathe was getting more and more rigid as you continued. You were already feeling the tightness build up in your abdomen and your breath started to turn into whines that muffled themselves into his suit. You twisted your arm around the back of his neck more to get a better angle, you needed as much friction as possible. You were starting to get really close to your release. And Joker could tell because you finally brought your head up to face him. He his eyes caught yours in a heavy glare. Your flushed face watched him. He still acted almost careless but you could tell it was still his game since his eclipsed, barley visible green rings around the pupil of his eyes gave it away. His stare alone was enough for you to come undone.

Joker’s cigarette still stayed loosely between his thin red lips but his arms finally made their way off the couch and his hand traveled to your hips. Your maneuvers were becoming way out of sync so he gripped down hard with his calloused hands, moving you rapidly and roughly. His eyes flicked back and forth casually, multiple times until eventually resting where your blue floral trim met with your silky skin. The skirt of your dress had risen quite a bit from Joker’s hands. His head tilted just slightly enough to get a better look at how your juices were visible on this part of your thigh, shimmering from the dim light of the living room. You finally heard a low grumble accumulate in his throat. And your left knee could now feel the bulge that started to take over his pants.

This was enough for you now. You couldn’t take anymore as you threw your whole being into Joker’s loose embrace, sending out a loud cry as waves of your orgasm washed over your trembling frame. Joker let go of your hips, now just ghosting his hands over them to let you ride out your climax. You grabbed fistfuls of his red suit in your hands. Your legs shook violently around him until you could catch your breath. You were calming down but you were still a writhing mess. Joker didn’t move yet so you slowly brought your head up. His eyes looked at you for just a second before taking the last drag of the stub of a cigarette that still poked out of his mouth. He took one hand and discarding it in the ashtray next to him on the side table. He leaned his attention back to you, now looking straight down right on his suite to see all the drool you had left on it. His eyes then traveled to the bottom of your skirt again that displayed delicately to cover all your cum faultlessly. Your eyes darted all around him desperately waiting for any kind of reaction from him. Anything

“Lift up that pretty little dress of yours and show me the mess you’ve made” his voice came out hoarse and flat. Almost unamused

You obeyed, but you couldn’t tell what game he was playing now. Was he really unimpressed with you pleasing yourself on him for the first time ever? Did you really do that bad of a job? Was the way you did it unattractive? You internally nodded your head no, since you still could feel his hardened cock against your knee. He was obviously pleased.

With one last hesitating look, you slowly hiked up your skirt; you were wearing white panties but when Joker’s eyes fell on your mess, he saw how you have came so much that your thong was completely soaked, and see through. The white fabric clung to your pussy, defining your glistening folds. Joker swallowed hard and you could almost hear his heart beating faster in his chest. He let a few rigid breaths before letting out a small series of throaty chuckles. He lifted his head back up to you and you were caught off guard by a charming, wide smile:

“I win..”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tagging everyone involved in ask post:. @ithinkimaperson @soulsdontbreaktheybeeend @jokerflecker @the-queen-of-things @arthur-flecks-lovely-smile @ohallthecrushes @lynnesm @into-crazy @obsessedandthirsty @mrsjokerphoenix @jokerownsmysoul @sweet-nothings04 @ajokeformur-ray

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#my posts #my fics #joker #arthur fleck #joaquin phoenix #joker fandom #joker fanfiction #athur fleck fanfiction #joker one shot #joker imagine #joker x you #joker x reader #joker x y/n #joker smut

[tyrantlavellan]

A little Drabble I made for @lindsmorr because I owe her a lot. We miss our disaster sons.

(I know I promised no plot, but I had to think of somethingggggggg 🥺)

The bustling of the infamous Orlais market filled the air. Merchants crowded around the Inquisition company just for a glimpse of the Inquisitor.

Mahanon ignored them, waving his hand to his bodyguards. Inquisition soldiers shoved the crowd aside. He heard Taavi scoff as they made their way through the city, vast buildings with rich architecture and lavish gardens stretched out on either side of them. But Mahanon didn’t pay any attention. His mind was elsewhere.

Divine Victoria was trying everything in her power to lessen his grasp. Trying to change the ways of the Chantry was not going well for her, and with most of her own followers squabbling like over privileged children, she was not getting the support she needed. Her first few months as Divine was not going well. She wished to do what she believed was right, a noble deed Mahanon had to admit.

One that he was inclined to prevent from happening.

What she didn’t know was that he was the reason she was elected the new Divine in the first place. She would have lost her nomination to Leliana, had Mahanon not intervened. He gave himself a pat on the back for that one. The Chantry would have been a chaotic mess if Leliana was chosen.

He encouraged Cassandra to reinstate the Seekers to ensure the circle remained intact and well guarded. He definitely wasn’t taking any chances with the mages. He had seen the catastrophic damage they were capable of too many times.

The Divine might have successfully stripped him of his influence, were it not for the support of the Emperor, forever indebted to Mahanon for replacing Celene, and the majority of the noble houses supporting his title as Herald of Andraste. Mahanon smiled smugly to himself.

“This place reeks of dirty money, selling stuff that is not even worth half their price,” Taavi interrupted. A disgusted look wrinkled his face. “It’s like they dip their shit in gold and call it a fashion statement.”

Mahanon chuckled.

“This is Orlais, anything can be fashion if you’re rich enough, and have a lot of influence.”

“Whole place is a nightmare…” Taavi said, narrowly avoiding a group of chevaliers standing in the middle of the street. “The size of their egos definitely makes up for their lack of size down -”

Trumpets blasted cutting him off.

They made their way into the courtyard of the Chantry, where Divine Victoria awaited them atop a giant flight of stairs. Her rigid expression could make anyone tremble, but Mahanon knew better.

A crowd of Orlesians had amassed behind them and they cheered, singing chantry songs and praising the Herald of Andraste. Mahanon couldn’t help but smirk.

“Stop doing that,” Taavi smacked him.

“Ow! What was that for?” Mahanon shoved him back.

“You look like an idiot, smiling and waving to the crowd like you're some sort of idol.”

“In case you forgot, I did save the world from certain doom. And this is how they like to thank me,” Mahanon said, waving back at the crowd again.

“Oh that’s right. My bad, your highness,” Taavi mocked.

“Well now it’s sounds cringe when you say it,”

“Why did they have to build so many steps? And why is she so cross looking? What did you do to make her upset, we just got here,” Taavi grabbed onto Mahanon’s arm instinctively as they walked past the Seekers. He eyed them suspiciously.

“She is still upset about that whole Empris du Lion situation. Apparently the Chantry doesn’t condone blowing up Chevalier estates, despite blood mage cultists squatting inside,”

“That doesn’t seem very - ”

“I also may have slept with her a bunch and maybe kind of lied about a lot of things to convince her to become the Divine,” Mahanon said quietly, biting his lip.

“Oh, so now that makes more sense. Wait you slept with the Div - ”

“Welcome Inquisitor!” A clergyman yelled so the crowd could hear. “Our beloved Herald of Andraste has descended from his throne to grace us with his presence, may the Maker bless him always and continue to shine his light on all his children!”

The crowd cheered loudly. Mahanon waved, avoiding Taavi’s intensely disapproving gaze.

“Again with the waving, you look like a fool.”

“Why can’t you just have fun with me and let these peasants worship me,” Mahanon said, now blowing kisses to the courtiers.

“You are insufferable.” Taavi sneered under his breath.

“Enough with the attention seeking,” the Divine suddenly cut in, standing right beside them, arms crossed, still unimpressed. “Inside. Now.” She snapped, swiftly walking inside the giant looming doors of the cathedral.

“She seems nice,” said Taavi.

“Just let me do the talking,” Mahanon whispered back. “You just keep your eyes out for anything suspicious.”

Taavi rolled his eyes, but followed Mahanon inside the lavish building.

The Chantry spared no expense in their decorations. Images of Andraste, the Maker, and any other revered patron were scattered on every surface possible. Even the door handles had depictions of Andraste and her followers. The clergyman and the chantry sisters walked around, muttering chants and bowing as they passed.

Mahanon tried not to laugh at Taavi’s horrified expression.

“If I hear someone call me ‘your grace’ one more time…” Taavi hissed.

They entered the Divine’s council chamber. Every seemingly important person in Orlais was already waiting for them.

Josephine had arrived days before them, in an attempt to smooth things over with the council beforehand. She glared at them as they walked in.

“Sorry I’m late,” Mahanon called out, making sure the entirety of the room could hear. “I got lost in this giant labyrinth, so many unnecessary buildings.”

Josie stood in bewilderment as he stopped next to her.

“Inquisitor, glad you could finally make it,” she hissed through her teeth as she forced a smile.

“Glad to be here too, dear Josephine. I’m sure you entertained these people just fine. It is your job after all.” Mahanon said as he patted her head. She stiffened and took a very deep breath and muttered something in Antivan.

“I see things haven’t changed much.” Divine Victoria said, glaring in Mahanon’s direction as she took her seat.

“Hello, Cassandra,” Mahanon smiled at her. She gritted her teeth in disgust.

“She shall be addressed as Divine Victoria, Your Holiness, Most Holy, or the Holy Mother!” a Cleric snapped.

“My apologies,” Mahanon said, bowing out of mockery. “The name hasn’t really stuck so well. She wasn’t quite so ‘holy’ from what I remember.”

“You little -”

“Enough,” the Divine, raised her hand to silence them. “This is getting us nowhere.” She straightened her shoulders, making sure to appear taller, her outrageous hat towering above everyone.

“Inquisitor, despite your blatant lack of respect, we have called you here in an attempt to salvage the relationship between the Inquisition and the Chantry. There have been far too many disputes, and it is in your best interest to help us remain united.”

“I’m not quite sure I follow, Most Holy of Holiness.” He sneered, crossing his arms dramatically. “Last I looked, the Inquisition was doing very well working with the Chantry.”

“What he means to say, Your Excellence,” Josie cut in. “The Inquisition has been successful to maintain and utilize resources graciously donated by the Chantry, in the name of the Maker, of course.”

“I am aware, Ambassador.” Victoria said, nodding in her direction. “The Inquisition has been quick to dive into the Chantry vaults. But I disagree. Your Herald of Andraste has done terrible things, to both friends and enemies of the Inquisition. I cannot pretend you have the Chantry’s interests at heart when he seems to only take what he pleases.

“But what the Inquisitor fails to realize is, the title ‘Herald of Andraste’ can only go so far. Should the Chantry denounce the title of Herald, the Inquisition would not be entitled to anything regarding the Chantry.”

Mahanon snorted loudly.

“Let me see if I remember this correctly,” Mahanon said, clearing his throat. “But was it not one ‘Cassandra Pentaghast’ that insisted on defying Chantry order and encouraged the Inquisition’s inception in the first place?”

“The Chantry was leaderless,” she snapped, hands clenched into tight fists, making her knuckles white. “You cannot compare what happened then to this current situation.

“The Inquisition has done what it was meant to do, which was to stop the immediate threat of Corypheus. You have already done so. In continuing to expand the Inquisition and gain military prowess, you are going against everything that Andraste stood for.”

“So what would you consider the Templars and the Seekers, if not a military extension of the Chantry?” Mahanon argued. “The Inquisition is just more independent with how we function.”

“Not exactly true,” the Divine said coldly, challenging him. “The templars have one purpose, and that is to protect the Circle from threats both inside and out. The Seekers ensure the templars don’t fall out of line.

“The Inquisition has done neither of those things. And as of late it’s hard to say exactly what the purpose of the Inquisition is in its current state.”

Murmurs from the council members crept around the room. Mahanon could feel his face getting hot. But he still had some leverage.

“Perhaps we should ask our beloved Emperor Gaspard,” Mahanon said calmly. Gaspard squirmed in his seat as all eyes fell on him. “I’m sure he would have single handedly kept the country from being torn apart by the Civil War after Celene’s tragic death,” Mahanon eyed Gaspard. He could see the sweat dripping down his face even from where he stood.

“ And Ser Chaplain,” he continued, now staring at a retired Chevalier, one of his most generous donors. “His company would have totally been able to keep mercenaries and Venatori from overtaking his very financially successful mining operations in the Frostbacks.”

The Orlesian noble cleared his throat nervously.

“And of course,” Mahanon continued. “The general population of Thedas would definitely agree with denouncing the very force that saved them from the very demons of the Fade and the remains of the giant tear in the sky that would have ripped the world to pieces.” Mahanon stared the Divine in the eye.

“Because of course every single threat to Thedas died with Corypheus, and no city ever had to be rebuilt, no village ever faced a food shortage or threats from thieves or natural disasters.”

Nobody said a word.

“But I suppose the Inquisition doesn’t do any of those things either.” Mahanon looked across the room as the council whispered to each other.

The look on the Divine’s face was a mix of pure anger and defeat. Mahanon just smiled smugly. The council continued to whisper for several minutes.

“I feel like the council may lean in our favour,” Josie whispered.

“The Emperor and his bureaucrats owe us too much to not come to our defence.” Mahanon replied. “If the Divine thinks that her way is the only way, she’s going to be very disappointed.”

Finally the Divine raised her hand and the whispering cut off.

“We are calling a recess. We will return in an hour,” she said abruptly. Then she left the room just as quickly.

“Well then,” Josie sighed. “Time for some sightseeing?”

Mahanon turned to leave, but stopped short. Taavi was missing. He immediately became alert. He briskly walked out into the grand hallway, shoving a chantry brother out of the way. He could feel panic rising.

He opened doors, intent on searching the entire building until he heard laughing from a shadowy corner.

“You should see your face just now,” Taavi laughed as he casually walked out of his hiding spot. “Concern is such a cute look for you.”

Mahanon’s face went red. He crossed his arms as Taavi tried to pull him close.

“Whatever,” he scoffed, pushing Taavi away. “I didn’t think you’d ditch me like that.”

“I don’t consider the squabbles of the Chantry to be important, actually,” Taavi retorted. “But what I do find mildly entertaining,” he continued, slowly walking towards Mahanon with a sly look on his face. “Is you, pretending like you don’t care about me, when it’s very much obvious that you do,” Taavi lightly pushed Mahanon against the wall behind him. His towering frame kept him from going anywhere.

“Really, Taavi?” Mahanon said, looking around at the busy traffic going to and fro around the cathedral. “Right now doesn’t seem to be the best time or place for this,”

“Since when do you care about the when and where?” Taavi laughed. He gently turned Mahanon’s head to expose his neck, and kissed him softly, breathing heavily in his ear.

Mahanon felt his body get hot, and closed his eyes as Taavi gently grazed his ear with his teeth.

“I just…don’t…” Mahanon forgot what he was trying to say. “We are in a hallway….”

“You didn’t think I planned ahead? Where did you think I went off to?”

Suddenly Taavi lifted him up, wrapping Mahanon’s legs around his waist, their faces inches away from each other.

“I have you right where I wanted you,” Taavi said with a smirk as he kicked the door they were leaning against open.

He carried Mahanon into a small chapel, only furnished with a few wooden benches and a small altar table. He kicked the door shut behind them.

“Of all the rooms you could have chosen, you picked a closet?” Mahanon scoffed.

“I think it’s some sort of servants’ chapel, actually. Guess the rich don’t like mingling with commoners when it comes to chantry shit,” Taavi plopped Mahanon onto the tiny altar, knocking over Andraste paraphernalia, shattering them on the floor.

“And besides,” he continued. “Most of the servants are busy catering to all the snobby guests, don’t have time to come pray, or whatever they do in here.”

Taavi started kissing and sucking on Mahanon’s neck again, making sure to press their bodies together.

“You know,” Mahanon said quietly, now completely helpless as he could feel Taavis hands slowly unfastening his belt, lingering a bit before disappearing underneath the fabric. “They’re not going to be too pleased if I’m late again.” He bit his lip, trying to hold back a moan.

“Well I guess I better hurry then,” Taavi smirked, working his way down, throwing his own pants behind him.

Mahanon didn’t have time to object before Taavi pushed him onto his back, climbing on top of him. Taavi clasped his hand over Mahanon’s mouth, muffling the sound of him moaning in pleasure as Taavi fucked him.

Whether it was the sacrilegious nature of being absolutely pounded on top a sacred altar, or Taavi wrapping his fingers around Mahanon’s neck as his breath came out in ragged gasps, or more likely the combination of both those things, it did not take long for Taavi to make Mahanon finish.

Taavi squeezed his hand around Mahanon’s delicate neck as he trembled with pleasure, leaving a mess all over his own hands. A few more thrusts and Taavi joined him. Both now breathing heavy, they let the last of the pleasure flow through them. Eyes closed, they lay in silence, both smiling.

“You’re getting too good at that,” Mahanon chuckled, stroking Taavi’s hair.

“What can I say, I’m a natural,” Taavi replied, taking Mahanon’s hand and kissing it gently.

Mahanon sighed, looking around the tiny space. He didn’t think they’d make such a mess in their brief moment, but he laughed as Taavi fished their pants from the other side of the room.

“Better get going, before Divine Victoria decides to go searching for us herself,” Mahanon grumbled, trying to clasp his belt properly. Taavi shook his head.

“I’m getting a headache just thinking about going back to that council disaster,” Taavi rubbed his temples dramatically. “I’m gonna go outside for some fresh air.”

Mahanon just rolled his eyes.

“You’re going to miss all the fun,” he replied. “But if you insist. Perhaps we can go for round two later,” he placed a kiss on Taavis lips.

“Perhaps…” Taavi said quietly. “If you don’t take forever…”

“I’ll show you what I can do later, I just need silk, some candles, and a couple of apples”

“What are the apples for?” Taavi asked, confused.

“Guess you’ll have to find out,” Mahanon teased, pushing the door open and disappearing down the hall with a bit of a spring in his step.

#dragon age #mahanon lavellan #Taavi Lavellan #I’m sorry it’s so long #hope you enjoy it tho #<3

[minah-delacroix]

At any price (Part VIII)

Universe: Dynasty AU

Characters: Minah, Sungjae, Daniel, Tara, Tyler, Suho

Word count: 3,1 k

Evolving

“The Delacroix’s really keep you around the clock” Daniel said as he went out of Tyler’s car —parked just in front of the entrance of Delacroix Manor—, and Sungjae appeared from out of nowhere carrying a stack of papers.

Against his own will, Daniel was paying a visit to Delacroix Manor for the fifth time that week.  With Tyler still busy playing COO to his grandparents' company their lunch appointment had been canceled very last minute. Instead, Tyler had insisted Daniel joined Tara for lunch at the Delacroix’s. Daniel could think of very few things that he would’ve detested more than spending time with that M person, but being invited to the Delacroix Manor —he’d heard— was as nearly as exclusive as being invited for tea with the Queen. Not to mention that over the past few days, Daniel had learned that whatever involved the Delacroix, by default, included Sungjae as well. Daniel thought to himself that he was willing to make a few sacrifices on his behalf. 

Yet, he was surprised to find out luck was smiling on him so early on.

“Well, yeah, the end of the year bonus is worth it” Sungjae shrugged, the tiniest hint of a smile made its way onto his lips. From his observations, Daniel concluded that was the closest he’d ever get to an actual smile and grinned with satisfaction.

“So, is Minah taking you and Tara somewhere?” Sungjae asked casually making conversation as the two of them climbed the marble stairs leading to the Manor “Tara just got here, but Minah hasn’t told me anything about it. You see, we’re supposed to have a meeting after lunch” He added as if justifying why he was even posing the question. Daniel found the way Sungjae attempted to explain himself, simply adorable.

“Well, that makes two of us” Though Daniel tried not to, his eyes naturally diverted to the ridiculously expensive Christmas flower decorations lining the parapet. That goddamned family really knew how to spend money in the most unnecessary of the ways “I’m here only because Tyler never takes no for an answer” He shrugged innocently, but his comment was deliberately laced with spite. He was still angry with Tyler for practically begging him to spend some time with him in London, but still ditching every single plan they’d made upon his arrival. “Oh, by the way, I heard about you and Ashleigh” Daniel added nonchalantly once pair reached the entrance door of the manor.

Just the day before, he’d overheard Jane and Tara talk about the couple’s dramatic breakup after the Tree Lighting event, and he’d thought he’d bring it up just to enjoy’s Sungjae’s signature embarrassed reaction. For a man who enjoyed sex in public places, Sungjae was a bit too coy for Daniel’s liking, but he was sure he could work on it. “I’m sorry to hear about it” He lied.

Sungjae shrugged in an attempt to appear unaffected but if Daniel had learned one or two things about body language, his sudden blinking suggested otherwise. “Well, yeah, it was my fault”

“I thought it was Minah’s” If Daniel had gotten the story straight, Ashleigh had dumped Sungjae because Minah locked them in the rooftop of the manor after catching them having sex. She’d even thrown their clothes and sent her angry brother to get them out two hours later.

“No” Sungjae shook his head  “I make my own choices”

“Does Minah know that?” Surely by this time in his life, Daniel should have known better than to pronounce the devil’s name so freely, but he was still startled when the door was pushed open by a maid and Minah emerged from the building followed by Tara. Speak of the devil and she doth appear.

“Great, you’re here,” Minah said looking at Daniel from head to toe with nothing that suggested she was truly pleased with his presence. “Now we can get going” she dug for the keys in her purse “Suho will be taking my place for this afternoon’s meeting, that way you won’t be stuck with me if it takes too long” she added, looking to no one in particularly, but making it obvious she was talking to Sungjae

“You’re too kind,” Sungjae said sarcastically.

Minah didn’t spare a single glance in Sungjae’s way before continue walking. Tara followed her, not without giving a sympathetic smile to the assistant and muttering a goodbye. Meanwhile, Daniel sent a wink in his direction and waved his hand, already disappointed the fun didn’t even last that long before Minah and Co. nterrupted.

“I don’t know where his holiday spirit is” Minah grumbled when the three of them reached the parking lot and a row of luxury cars materialized in front of them “It’s not like he’s lonely” She rolled eyes, approaching the silver Audi A8 and opening the driver’s door distractedly.

Behind her, Tara and Daniel exchanged confused looks. Did that mean Minah was unaware Sungjae was single again?

“Are you?” Daniel ventured, thinking that he might as well stop wondering and ask the source directly.

For a second or so,  Minah floundered at a loss for words, then she gulped and shrugged, shaking her head lightly “I’m fine” she said climbing into the car “I’m evolving” she said before closing the door with a loud thud.

“Well,” Tara started unconvinced “That’s mature”

Minah rolled the window down and stared at the other two as she put a pair of oversized sunglasses on. “It’s a pain in the ass”

The Arts Club’s

The 100 square meter Penthouse Suite of The Art's Club was known to be the jewel of the crown of the exclusive club. For years it had been rumored that the Penthouse had become the home of an ultra-secretive celebrity who was past her glory days and had made that place her home so she could go under the radar. The rumors had spread through the highest circles of Europe and speculation ran deep about whoever was rich enough to book the suite for so long.

That Christmas Eve, the truth was finally disclosed to Tara Lee and Daniel Choi who stood each at each side of Minah Delacroix as the elevator doors finally slid open into a spacious entrance hall that was supposed to lead to a separate foyer and into the suite. The revelation had been brief, almost rushed, and now, as Tara let the full gravity of it sink, she turned to Minah, glowering at her.

“No, I can’t do it.” Tara said looking so dumbfounded that even Daniel felt a brief tug of sympathy for the girl. She had quickly lost the color of her skin and looked so pale, she almost appeared ill. “I can’t believe you lied to me, Minah”

“Yeah, no one should ever lie about shopping” Daniel offered, also glaring at the Delacroix heiress.

“I just knew if you’d give it too much thought you wouldn’t have come,” Minah said, running her hands down her skirt to smooth the fabric. She looked so nonchalant that Daniel wondered if she was fully aware of the repercussions her stupid little plan would have. He thought to himself that he’d like a first-row ticket to see Tyler’s reaction.

“I’m barely here now,” Tara said, her voice cracking.

“No, you have to stay,” Minah said putting an arm around Tara’s shoulder. “I even had to pretend we were from Tom Ford and came for his New Year’s Party suit fitting so he’d tell his concierge to let us in”

“Minah!” Tara raised her voice in frustration.

“It’s just-“ Minah pressed the button to keep the elevator open “Tara, I saw Gabriel and my family looking as taken straight from a Ralph Lauren catalog and my grandparents just seemed so happy to have us all reunited” Daniel scoffed at that but managed to make it look as though he was coughing when the two women glanced at him. Then Minah went on “Not to mention Tyler seemed so crushed when he heard you were leaving him on Christmas”

“I can’t believe Tyler told you that” Tara winced, pulling away from Minah’s embrace “That’s not something I’m comfortable sharing”

“T, please don’t be mad at him” Minah placed a hand on Tara’s forearm and patted it gently “I just know my family shoved me out for a few weeks, and come to think of it, I couldn’t stand it. I can’t imagine what it'd be to go through that for more than ten years-”

“Yes, that’s right, you can’t imagine” Tara interrupted, her voice ice cold.

Before any of them could add a word, an elegantly dressed butler stepped in front of them from the other side of the elevator “Sir Lee is ready to receive you all” he said with a thick Geordie accent.

“Look, this was your idea” Tara gritted her teeth, her expression grave “So now, you go see the best for yourself. We’re out”

Before Minah could even react, Tara pushed her out of the elevator with a force Daniel had no idea where it came from for someone with such a petite frame, and closed the elevator doors, pressing the button insistently.

Lowkey

“You told Minah!” Tara stormed into Tyler’s study room practically seething. Tyler had been scrolling through his phone, so he jumped out of his chair in shock.

“T, you’ll need to be more specific, I tell Minah lots of things” Tyler tried to brush his sister off with one of his charming smiles and “good” humor, but when he looked up to her, she was scowling at him in a way he couldn’t remember seeing before. That was already saying something considering Tara always scowled at him. “Ok, what are you talking about?” He asked putting his phone away and straightening in his seat.

“Your beloved business partner just took me on a field trip to The Art’s Club” Tara deadpanned.

There weren’t many moments in Tyler’s life where he wholeheartedly agreed with his sister or he could find a justification for her wrath being directed at him.  Yet, even Tyler Lee with his utter disregard for other people’s feelings, and cluelessness, knew this one was definitely one of those moments.

He closed his eyes and waited for a few seconds for Tara to go on.

“You know how messed up things are between me and dad.” She finally said after a brief moment of silence, the deep scowl still on her face “And you know I don’t want that out in the world.”

“T, I didn’t tell the world and I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Tyler said, voice lowering an octave in an attempt to appease her anger “It’s just that Minah kept asking me about it. Apparently, she was convinced I was with some girl-“

Instead of achieving his purpose, Tara’s face contorted into a scarier grimace “And who cares?” She screeched.

Tyler didn’t pronounce a word, but realization immediately dawned on his sister when he looked at his feet, gulping quietly. “Oh my God, you’re sleeping with her!” Tara gaped utterly bewildered.

At that exact moment, as if summoned by some supernatural force, Minah Delacroix burst into the room, the heels of her Debbie Wingham high knee boots clicking loudly on the marble floor. “So I have bad new-“ she cut herself and stopped walking in further upon registering the tense ambiance and the fact Tara was clenching her jaw. Minah’s eyes jumped between her and Tyler. “Ok, looks like you already know,” She said, looking the tiniest bit embarrassed if the way her cheeks tinted was anything to go by. “T, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to put you in an awkward position or hurt-“

“By bringing me to see the man that’s supposed to be my father but I don’t even have a relation with, or by screwing my brother?” Tara retaliated sternly.

Minah turned to look at Tyler with a mixture of accusation and helplessness.

“T, please, it’s not that big of a deal” he tried to reason.

“Tyler, we agreed to keep it low-key to avoid the drama” Minah protested after she somewhat recovered from Tara’s words.

“And we agreed not to tell anyone about dad” Tara added, her voice hardening in indignation. “I guess being low-key is not your strongest point,” she said sarcastically.

“Tara, I understand you’re upset, but I am a grown-ass man” Tyler countered back, raising his voice for the first time. “I don’t need your seal of approval to sleep with someone”

“It’s not like you listen anyhow!” Tara said loud enough for Daniel to hear from the room next door, then she let out a  sigh, running a hand through her hair in frustration. “You know what? Do whatever you want. Anyway, she’ll soon be back with her boy toy assistant now that he’s single again”

“Sungjae broke up with Ashleigh?” Minah blurted before she could stop herself, earning matching glares from the Lee siblings.

“See, obviously the only reason she even spares you a look is because she didn’t know”

The gift

“Ty, in my defense I didn’t know your dad had a problem with her” Minah’s attempts to apologize were rather deceiving, but Tyler wasn’t paying enough attention to care, all he could think of was that his sister was absolutely furious at him and it would take at least a couple of weeks getting her to talk to him again. She had just packed two bags and left with Mark Yang of all people, without a goodbye or at least a “Merry Christmas”. “You kinda left out that critical information,” Minah continued, sitting across Tyler’s desk.

The man massaged his temples. “If I had known you were going to do that, I would’ve let you keep believing in my imaginary girlfriend,” Tyler said through gritted teeth.

“What? Is it so hard to believe I wanted to do something nice for you and Tara?” Minah sagged a bit in her seat. Tyler’s expression softened at that, but he still shook his head disapprovingly. “But mostly you. Look, seriously I just thought it’d be a good Christmas gift to have your family reunited for the holidays, but when Tara left, I had to explain to your dad what happened-” Minah was about to tell Tyler the story of how his dad had her kicked out of the Art's Club and literally told her to “stay the hell away from his children”, but she purposely omitted that part because Tyler already seemed troubled enough. The conversation on why his father reacted as though she was the devil incarnate upon finding out her identity could as well wait.

“Oh, so now both my sister and my father are pissed at me” Tyler concluded, very much resigned to spend Christmas on his own.

“I’m sorry, Ty. I really am. I will fix it, I promise-” Minah’s eyes wandered around the office in an attempt to avoid Tyler’s gaze, but they naturally diverted to a little gift wrapped in pink paper and topped with a golden bow resting on the desk. The box had a letter ‘M’ marked on the side. “That isn’t for me, is it?”

Tyler forced himself not to smile. “Not that you deserve it” he reached the box and fidgeted with it as though meditating on what to do with it.

Minah pouted and inhaled deeply, looking away. “No, you’re right, I don’t” Tyler suddenly became interested in the small, almost invisible ink spot on the cuff of his shirt, but without even looking at her he knew Minah had a devilish smirk plastered on her face. After a moment’s worth of hesitation, Tyler pushed the box across the table and Minah eagerly moved forward, ready to open it.

“Oh, no!” Tyler quickly moved the box back. “You can have it only under one condition”

Minah looked at him owlishly.

“You can’t open it until Christmas”

Of course, Minah didn’t wait. That night while her family gathered around the tree to hear aunt Aurelie play the piano before their Christmas Eve dinner, Suho caught her playing with the golden ribbon bow distractedly.

“Are you nostalgic for your high school days?” He inquired, sliding next to her and examining the assortment of objects in the pink box. There was a Chanel hairpin he remembered Minah wore all the time before discovering her loyalty toward Dior, a pair of leather gloves Aunt Valerie had given her before she started her senior year, suggesting they could be useful in case she needed to hide a body. There was also a single pearl earring Minah kept for sentimental reasons and she’d thought she’d lost long ago, several ridiculous objects like a tennis ball, that she was pretty sure she had once thrown at Tyler’s head and a Swarovski USB key in the shape of a heart.

“No” Minah shook her head “Actually, Tyler gave it to me”

Suho’s brow automatically went up “Well, that’s personal for a co-worker”

“Oh, don’t be weird about it” Minah said, trying to distract him by picking imaginary fuzz from his Armani suit.

“What’s on the USB key, anyway?” Suho asked, trying to move on and avoid the topic of Tyler Lee’s eternal crush on Minah and her equally eternal reluctance to accept them.

“I don’t know, I left my computer in my office” Minah shrugged.

“Maybe you could ask Sungjae to lend you his” Suho said far too casually for Minah not to roll eyes at him.

Real

“You think you know a person-“ Minah said when Tyler answered the door, looking just the slightest bit appalled in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt Minah found offensively informal for fashion icon Tyler Lee. It was barely 8 am, a cold Christmas morning that had Minah wearing a thick wool coat and a cashmere scarf tied around her neck. “And then you receive the crappiest mix ever” she added, holding up the USB key in front of Tyler’s face.

Tyler shrugged, “I didn’t choose the songs. Some teacher slash DJ did at the Beau Soleil Winter Dance” He said, smiling fondly at her.

“Oh, my god, 2016, the night we-“ Minah’s eyes widened at the recollection of that particular memory from her high school days.

“Don’t talk about” Tyler cut in. “We all make mistakes”

“But I think this is one we can fix,” Minah said with resolve, pushing past Tyler and closing the door behind her. “Listen Tyler, I can’t do this anymore”

Tyler blinked as though his vision had suddenly gone blurry and he wanted the clear it up. He opened his mouth to inquire what she meant, but Minah leaped forward and hugged him tightly, wrapping her arms around his neck and catching him completely off guard. “I can’t use you anymore, Tyler” She looked up and offered an almost imperceptible smile “I want this to be real”

...

#oc #story #dynasty au #minah #sungjae #tara #tyler #daniel

[nelllraiser]

your ass is grass | deirdre & nell

TIMING: after deirdre’s fateful call with regan’s dad. (yes, this is old) PARTIES: @deathduty and @nelllraiser. SUMMARY: regan is grass. nell still hates mimes. deirdre isn’t a rotten egg. penises. 

HellaHairFlip Today at 12:40 AM: do u have anything to add walmart dentist Today at 12:41 AM: add that i love u :/

A lot of things were going wrong for Deirdre, she was happy at least at sneaking into a nearby recreation center was not one. “Move your feet, Penelope. We’ve got something very important to steal.” The door clinked open and the banshee pushed it open, waiting for the human to follow her in. She adjusted the mask on her face, an unnecessary precaution, probably, but she might have taken any excuse to wear a mime mask. They were truly terrifying. “We can’t commit theft if that’s how slow you’re going to move. Don’t witches have more self-respect than this?” The cold night air drifted in behind her, a perfect day for a little criminal activity. Penelope wasn’t her first choice in companions, but she’d need the witch for the spell once they were done here. So it was convenient, more than anything. 

Of all the things to steal, Nell was rather...surprised that it was only fake grass that was needed as an ingredient for breaking a fae promise. “I’m moving fine!” she hissed back, feeling rather dramatic in her all black outfit along with the ski mask over her eyes. “And did you have to wear a mime mask of all things? Cursed creatures. Snobby know-it-alls. They probably think you’re emulating them.” Nevertheless, she thought it’d be rather fun to commit a little bit of theft, even if it was only grass. Besides, if she got brought home by cops— it wouldn’t be the first time. “So why do we need grass anyway?” she asked as they closed in on their target.

“Why aren’t you wearing the mime mask I bought you?” Deirdre hissed, though her anger deflated a moment later. If someone saw them, it’d be the mime and the bargain bin bank robber, and she’d kill to see that headline somewhere. “We can’t be a team like this.” She knew Penelope couldn’t see the smirk on her face, but she hoped the child could feel it. “This was the only mask left in the store,” she groaned, leading the witch through the halls until they reached one of the fields. Glorious, beautiful turf shone back at her through the small window in the double doors. Deirdre pushed on the handle and unsurprisingly found it clunk back at her with the telltale signs of being, equally unsurprisingly, locked. “I told you on the way here: we need the grass for the spell. It takes two parts, fae components and then something representative of the spell. My darling Regan is the grass, or the not-grass, but her father thinks of her like grass.” She looked up at the mechanism that held the door in place and turned back to the witch, gesturing up at it. “Can you do anything about that? I don’t suppose you know any convenient door opening spells, do you?”

 “Because mimes are the literal scourge of the Earth!” Nell’s voice was full with the passion of a thousand suns on that matter. “I’d rather die than impersonate a mime.” Damn. She would have liked to be a team, though. Nell hadn’t thought of that. “Maybe if you’d gotten anything else but the mimes- we could have been the super cool theft tag team. I feel like we could have even just made homemade masks. A fun bonding activity, don’t you think?” She was only half-joking. It’d probably be amusing to see what sort of mask Deirdre might fashion. “Yeah, yeah, but why is Regan grass? None of your analogies make sense.” Nevertheless, she gave a bit of a smug smile as Deirdre requested her services. With a simple few words, and the passing of her hand over the mechanism, the door was ready to go. “Now who’s lacking self-respect?” The retort didn’t make any sense, sure. But it made her feel a little better.

“You really...hate mimes.” Deirdre blinked, simply listening to the child. She hadn’t expected it to be such a hot-button issue, but she also hadn’t expected to be stealing grass in the middle of the night with someone who was, effectively, a child. “I don’t do crafts, I make people do crafts for me and then I throw them out,” she scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest as though it were the most obvious of fact---that she would never degrade herself doing anything lowly. “Regan isn’t the grass, her dad wants her to be grass: easily maintained, something to look at. He only cares enough to keep his lawn looking the way he wants it, no matter what that means. Regan isn’t grass, she’s better than---oh, forget it. Why am I even explaining this to you?” But her explanation served as filler between Penelope’s spell and the door clicking open. “There’s something I’ve always wanted to say, Penelope,” Deirdre smiled, pushing open the door and pausing at the threshold between the field and the hall. Then she turned, her smile twisting with mischief, “last one in is a rotten egg.” And being right at the door, Deirdre took the first step on to the fake grass and was, unceremoniously, not the rotten egg. “You humans have some delightful phrases, although I hope this doesn’t mean I just turned you into an egg.” She paused, “the last one in is not a rotten egg.” She turned back, pulling a knife from her back and gesturing around. “Do you want to do anything else or shall I get started on the grass.”

“They’re my biggest and most mortal enemy on this Earth,” Nell finished succinctly before thinking to continue on with. “Though often I doubt if they’re actually mortal. Especially that weird one that walks on all fours.” Nevertheless, her disdain for the mimes dissipated as she traded it for amusement. “Crafts can be fun.” Nell wasn’t entirely sure if she’d entirely caught the whole ‘grass’ analogy, but she was fairly certain she at least understood it well enough to be able to replicate the spell Deirdre was teaching her...if she ever needed to. Surely being able to do away with fae promises was something that would come in handy one day. “No fair! I wasn’t warned! You’re supposed to count down from three or something.” She was, quite understandably, quite miffed at having found herself the rotten egg, though she was quickly placated by Deirdre’s rectification of the situation. “Oh- that’s much better. Thank you. I could feel my yolk forming as we spoke.” Nell scanned the surrounding area, as if someone was waiting to jump out and yell, ‘Gotcha!’. Though could they actually be arrested for taking fake grass? “No, no, please proceed with your grazing. I’ll be here.” She squinted at the knife. “You know you could probably just pull the fake grass up...right?”

“Oh! You’ve seen that thing too?” Deirdre knew they were getting off-topic, but what was a chat about mimes while they stole fake grass? “I was with someone who cut its head off and the cursed thing just grew right back! Such a shame, really. I would have loved to pick through the bones that thing must leave…” she paused, gazing off, lost in the fantast in her head. “If any,” Deirdre murmured finally, shaking her head and moving along. “I think you’d look like Humpty Dumpty if you were an egg. You know, with the eyes and the mouth and the small little legs dangling over your brick wall.” Deirdre bent down, stabbing her knife into the grass and digging out a clean square for them to take. “This is more fun,” she glanced up, working through her patch of grass, “you’re not terrible for a human, Penelope. Certainly more fun than some---”

“Hey!” A voice boomed through the walls, and the jangling of keys followed. “Is anybody in there?” The double doors on the other side clanked open, and an old man dressed in security blues hobbled in. “You whippersnappers better not be painting any more penises here!”

In a moment, Nell put two and two together, her brow furrowing together a bit. “Wait, are you talking about Shiloh? She was telling me she cut it’s head off!” She’d been a bit jealous that she hadn’t been there to witness that, or have the honor of cutting it off— even if it wasn’t it’s real head. “But true...it’d probably be some pretty weird bones.” Her nose wrinkled, immediately rejecting Deirdre’s egg classification of her. “Ew, no. I couldn’t be. I don’t fall off of walls. I’m gonna be like a...dragon egg. You can be a chicken egg,” she joked with a little shrug. But she nodded sagely at the other woman’s claim, knowing firsthand that it truly was more fun to cut things with a knife. “Aww, Deirdre. Careful now. I’ll start thinking you like me or-” But her head snapped towards the voice that had yelled out, and she took in the sight of the night guard. “Do you have enough grass yet??” she asked in a hurried tone, not really wanting to be taken home in the back of a cop car or something. “Damn- we should have drawn some penises, though,” she finished under her breath.

“You know Shiloh too?” Deirdre, astonished again, blinked. It really was a small town. “Is Humpty Dumpty not a beloved story, Penelope?” She teased, making quick work of the turf below and slinging it over her shoulder once a sizable enough square has been cut. “I do like you, human. I say this now because you’ve suggested phallic defacement and of that, I am always a fan.”  The guard finally snapped his flashlight to life and cast its orange-tinted light over to the two trespassers.

“Oi! You two there better not be drawin’ any penises or else I’m--” he paused, squitining. Then he took a cautious step forward. “Are you….are you two stealin’ grass?”

Deirdre snapped up, down with her thievery but not so done with her mischief. She turned to Penelope and gave a wide smirk, then turned back. “It was her!” And with no remorse, she pointed at the younger girl and dashed from the field with her fake-grass. She spared one singular glance backwards, seeing the security guard waving his light around and giving a very slow chase. He was too shocked to speak into his transerver to report the crime, but not shocked enough to trip over as he attempted to give chase. He hollered behind them, “a mime and a ski-enthusiast are stealing grass! A mime and a ski-enthusiast! My wife said it could never happen! I knew I was right to worry!”

‘Bitch!” Nell called after Deirdre, though it was colored with some amusement. “You’ll never catch us alive!” She yelled dramatically before hauling ass after Deirdre, rather quick on her feet. But then the other woman’s words about phallic drawings as well as the security guard’s were running through her head. And truly...she couldn’t resist. In a moment she was waving a hand over the grass, and a giant, stark white penis was glowing up from the greenery. Who cared if she used a little magic while her identity was hidden? As the man’s voice continued to yell after them, her joyful laugh flitted through the air, all too pleased with her art as her and Deirdre made their grand escape. 

#chatzy #your ass is grass #ch:deirdre #wickedswriting

[imagine-loki]

Monsters and Magic

TITLE: Monsters and Magic

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 22/?

AUTHOR: nekoamamori

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine you’re a vampire who helps the Avengers defeat an evil seethe of other vampires, and Loki befriends you after you end up in their custody

RATING: T (so far)

NOTES/WARNINGS: Also on AO3 click here

      “No, you don’t need to be concerned,” Loki told her firmly before she could keep investigating too closely at your condition. She kept staring at you, though, unconvinced. You tried to ignore her and focus on the beauty around you, especially the rainbow bridge just outside of the chamber you were in, the horses, and the palace in the distance in the golden city. You were in awe of its beauty and very nearly stepped out from the shade of the chamber into the sunlight; it was only Loki’s arm around your shoulders that kept you in place.

    “Not even a little? Because I’m definitely concerned,” Sif replied, still staring at you, as if trying to figure out what was wrong with you. Oh, if only she knew…

    “There’s nothing to worry about, Sif,” Loki reassured her, even as you summoned your parasol and thick black sunglasses. You could tell from here that the sun here was extra bright, and just glittered even worse form the gold of the city.

    Sif just glared at him, eyeing the objects in your hands. “Seriously? An umbrella though it’s not raining? Dark glasses? A cloak in late spring? And her heart isn’t beating? She is not a normal mortal, Loki. What’s going on?” Sif demanded in Asgardian, trying to spare you from her demands. You couldn’t help stiffening a little in reaction to it, though Sif didn’t seem to notice.

    Loki glared at her, knowing perfectly well that you could understand what she was saying. “Sif, enough. You don’t need to know,” he told her firmly, a hint of a growl in his words.

    Sif looked like she was going to argue more, but both boys were glaring at her. “Fine. You two aren’t dumb enough to try to hide whatever this is from the Allfather, are you? I mean you’ve had some stupid plans in the past, but you know he hates deceptions…” she added defensively when the boys continued to glare.

    “This is not something that concerns the Allfather,” Loki growled in reply, glaring at her. “If I feel he needs to know, he will…” You got tired of them grumbling and bickering, especially when Sif already knew that something was up, so you vanished your cloak and stepped out into the sun when Loki was busy grumbling at Sif, so you could show her exactly what was wrong with you and the sun. You didn’t like causing the strife between the boys and one of their friends.

    “Y/N!” Loki exclaimed when he saw you step into the sun. You just stared up at it, confused. It didn’t hurt. It wasn’t blinding you. You grinned in shocked disbelief of feeling the sun on your skin and not pain. Loki grabbed you and hauled you back into the shade. “What in Valahala do you think you’re doing?” he demanded worriedly, looking you over for any sign of sun damage.

    “I was going to show your friend what the hell is wrong with me in the sun so you three could stop bickering over it. But it appears that the sun here doesn’t affect me,” you replied, grumpy at being stopped until your words registered to your own ears. You broke from his grip and darted back out into the sun, vanishing your parasol and glasses as you couldn’t help giggling in delight and spreading your arms wide, spinning on the rainbow bridge in delight in much the same manner as Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music.

    You stopped and looked back at Loki, who was smiling a bit shyly, especially, it seemed, to be showing so much care for you in front of Sif. “At least that’s something we don’t have to worry about hiding from Father,” he said, reassured by that fact and joyed that you didn’t have to hide from the sun here. It was still draining, though it didn’t hurt, didn’t burn, didn’t have any ill effects except making you a little sleepy. Your excitement over seeing the sun properly for the first time in years greatly outweighed any tiredness you felt.

    “He’s still going to notice her heart doesn’t beat,” Sif grumbled, though even she couldn’t help smiling at your joy at the sun.

    “We can hide that with magic…hopefully,” Loki replied as you walked over to the horses to coo at them. He watched you coo and talk nonsense to the war horses, who usually hated everyone, but seemed to like you. There were three men standing over by the horses, you noted, they watched you confused, but didn’t do anything to stop you from talking nonsense to the horsies.

    “And you, the quiet reserved magician, ended up with that ball of sunshine how exactly?” one of the men demanded as they watched you.

    Loki chuckled. “I got lucky,” he replied warmly.

    You turned back to the three of them “Noodle, which one’s yours?” you asked, indicating the horses. Tony’s silly nickname had stuck. Especially when he still kept calling you ‘kitten’.

    “Noodle?” Sif laughed, the men by the horses did too. She looked at Loki, saw his expression, and laughed harder.

    “Sorry, Danger Noodle,” you corrected with a smirk.

    “Darling, must you tease me here?” Loki asked with a scowl, his voice exasperated.

    You went back over to him, leaving the horses behind and kissed him, both in reassurance and apology in case you had really annoyed him. He usually didn’t get too grumpy when you used silly nicknames for him. It was when Stark did it that he got upset. “If I didn’t tease you’d think I don’t love you,” you informed him quite logically.

    He sighed into the kiss. “I know you love me, kitten,” he replied warmly. Then added with a smirk “What’s not to love?”

    “You could stand to lose the massive ego, noodle,” you teased him in reply.

    “You love my ego.” His smirk just got more pronounced.

    You laughed in reply. “Whatever you say, noodle,” you added with an eyeroll. You then decided to get him back on track. “So are we going to stand on the pretty rainbow bridge all day, or are you going to show me the realm whose beauty you’ve been bragging about for months?” you asked with a hint of teasing. He really had been talking about the wonders of Asgard for months. Poor boy was homesick, though he’d never admit it.

    He grinned in reply. “Alright. Come along, kitten. We have much to see a very little time to do it. Plus, I have someone I would like you to meet,” he told you with a fond smile and you couldn’t help lighting up at excitement to meet someone who could put that expression on his face

    Loki led you over to one of the horses a gorgeous sleek black one that you’d had the idea was his. He made introductions of you to the three men who he introduced as ‘Thor’s idiot friends’ and gave their names, but you couldn’t remember them or tell which one belonged to which name. Sif and Thor came over and spoke with the three men and the warriors started commenting about how strange ‘Loki’s little mortal’ was. You rolled your eyes and told them “I can’t possibly be that strange!” Your words were also in Asgardian, a little slow still, but clear enough.

    They all gave Loki an incredulous disbelieving look and demanded: “You taught her our language?” loudly and disbelieving.

    Loki just smiled proudly at her and hugged you around the shoulders.“My beloved has many skills. Including the ability to learn nearly anything you put in front of her. She taught herself our language. From books,” he added when his first revelation shut Sif up to where her mouth was opening and closing in disbelief with no sound coming out.

    He swung up gracefully into the saddle of his horse and offered you a hand. You took it and he easily swung you up onto the horse behind him. “Also I’m not mortal,” you added to Thor’s friends with an innocent grin.

    Loki smirked at their reactions and clicked at his horse. It sped off while Thor and his friends were left behind in stunned silence. You laughed at the sun on your skin and wind in your hair as your arms wrapped around Loki’s waist and he rode straight to the palace. He dismounted when hostlers came to take his horse around to the stables and helped you down. You could have done it yourself, had you not been wearing a floor-length dress. You thanked him for helping you and straightened out your dress again.

    Loki offered you his arm and you placed your hand on it lightly, staring around in awe as he led you through the halls of the palace. He explained interesting sights along the way and nodded a polite greeting to people who bowed or curtsied to him as he walked. He clearly had a destination.

    “Loki! I wasn’t expecting you home!” A woman exclaimed as you enter what Loki called the healing wing. She jumped up to and ran over to the doorway, which you barely made it through, to hug him. You stayed back a couple steps, feeling like an intruder on their private moment.

    “It is wonderful to see you again, Mother.” Loki returned her hug with a warm smile and kissed her cheek. So this was his beloved mama. He released Frigga and turns to introduce you. “Mother, I wanted you to meet my beloved, Y/N of Midgard. Darling, this is my mother, Frigga, queen of Asgard,” that part was unnecessary of course. You knew who she was as soon as he said ‘mother’. However, you dipped a curtsy and gave her a polite greeting, though you were awkward and shy around the queen of an entire realm.

    After the pleasantries were exchanged, she turned back to Loki suspiciously “You’re home suddenly, darling, did you upset your father again?” she asked him firmly, but with such a polite gentle caringness that even Loki couldn’t be upset.

    “Mother,” he replied with an exasperated sigh and an eyeroll, though not as dramatic of one as usual in front of his mother. “We… recently discovered something interesting about myself that I thought would never happen…” he trailed off, trying to find the proper words.

    “Besides that you finally found a lady worthy of your attention?” Frigga teased him with a mischievous smirk. You could clearly see where he got his mischief from.

    He chuckled in reply. “Besides that I finally found someone who loves me for who I am. It’s slightly more important…” he trailed off again.

    “I highly doubt there’s anything more important than that, darling, but what is this interesting discovery?” she prompted gently, with the tone of a mother urging the truth out of her son.

    Loki sighed and tried again “It turns out… I might actually… be worthy… for once in my life…” He tried as if that would clearly explain the concept he was trying to get across to her.

    You sighed in exasperation and decided to jump in and help him out, but first “Stubborn noodle,” you grumbled under your breath. You raised your voice to address Frigga, keeping your tone carefully polite “He lifted Mjolnir,” you explained in blunt terms, since Loki seemed incapable of doing it himself.

    Loki turned to you with a look that was a mix of actual gratitude covered in sarcasm and snark. “Thanks, kitten. I was getting to that,” he grumped, though he was pleased that you thought enough about him to help him out.

    Frigga reached up and cupped Loki’s cheek, smiling warmly. “I have always known you were worthy, my darling, you just had to convince yourself,” her voice is so warm and caring that Loki smiles fondly at her, relaxing at her acceptance of his news. Frigga leaned up once he was relaxed whisper in his ear in Asgardian. You moved away to investigate the soulforge, accepting the whisper and change in language for the request for privacy that it was and pretended that you couldn’t hear her words or understand them. “Darling, did you bring your lady to me for healing?” Frigga asked Loki, her voice full of concern. She didn’t know you spoke their language either.

    “The offer is appreciated, Mother,” he replied in the same language, his voice soft, since he knew you could hear and understand. “She was captured and tortured and you are a far stronger mind healer than I am. I would appreciate your assistance,” he glanced over at where you were investigating the soulforge and other healing technology, for all the world the polite tourist.

    Frigga tried extremely hard not to roll her eyes. She failed, miserably. Her next words were extremely dry and you knew exactly where Loki gained his sense of humor and dry sarcasm. “Darling, have you failed to notice that her heart does not beat? That tends to be quite the fatal condition for Midgardians if left untreated…”

#Loki #Lover #Imagine #Submitted fic #submission #monsters and magic #chapter 22 #nekoamamori

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Secret-Diary’s Annual Awards Show, 2018

Here we are. Xmas is over for another year and the last dregs of 2018 are circling the plug-hole of time like inedible week-old gravy. Soon, the drain-unblocker that is New Year will be emptied on top of it, disposing of it forever… and nobody will be very sorry. It’s always possible that, in the last four days of the year, something incredible will happen. Maybe Will Self will invent time travel and go back to the early 1600s to become Shakespeare. Maybe Theresa May’s face will swing outward like a poorly-secured cupboard door and reveal an electric aquarium where a panel of Sea Monkeys control all her movements and decisions. Barring both of those two events, however, I think its safe to say that 2018 was a complete write-off.

Mainly, this year has felt like an unnecessary and unwanted continuation of 2017. 2017: Part Two, if you like. Brexit continued to drag on like a wounded moose looking for a place to die. The idiotic decision to cast Whittaker as Doctor Who, made in 2017, was enacted here in 2018, causing waves of uncontainable ennui to sweep a nation. The Space Elevator still remains resolutely unbuilt and Elon Musk (mankind’s Token Sensible Person) doesn’t seem overly inclined to do anything about that just yet. In short, we’re standing at the far edge of a year that has been, by and large, a complete and total waste of everyone’s time… especially mine. I’d normally leave my End Of Year Awards for New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day, but fuck it. Almost everything else this year has been  vaguely disappointing, so let’s stick to the theme. We’ll ejaculate these awards out early and get it over with. You all know how this works by now: I make up some tenuously-related categories and proclaim a cultural event or piece of media the winner according to the dictates of my own diseased logic and the voices in my head. Let’s just crack on.

THE AWARD FOR BEST DVD OR BLU-RAY RELEASE Normally, I try to make the category names funny, but the best DVD/Blu-Ray released in 2018 was the remastered Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Boxset. Somebody cleaned up a six-episode sci-fi show from the 1980s and stuck a bunch of special features on it and it was instantly better than anything actually produced in the present day. That’s funny enough in itself, assuming you find cultural atrophy funny.

THE INSTANTLY-REGRETTED WANK AWARD FOR BEST MOVIE STARRING A SEXY FISH MAN … Goes to The Shape of Water, which may actually have come out last year. I also really enjoyed Aquaman, too, but I can’t pretend it was a superior piece of film-making. You know what, though? The fact that there are two movies about sexy fish men having non-conformist adventures says something important. It says “OUR CG ANIMATORS HAVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO WATER, SO LET THE GOOD TIMES FUCKING ROLL!”

THE BERNIE MADOFF AWARD FOR MOST SUSPICIOUS DISCREPANCY … Goes to Doctor Who’s score on Rotten Tomatoes. Yeah, you knew you weren’t getting through this drivel without having to listen to my opinions on Doctor Who again, so let’s just get it out the way early. Critics gave the most recent series of Whittaker-flavoured Who a 94% rating. Fans gave it 31%. So people who can’t risk saying something culturally unacceptable because they could be fired loved it, while people who cared enough to review it unpaid and had no consequences to fear fucking loathed it. Let’s try not to blame Whittaker, for this though. It’s actually Chibnall’s fault, with his determination to minimise the sci-fi elements in the world’s most beloved sci-fi show. And the BBC’s fault for hiring Chibnall. And all our faults for not dragging every single BBC exec into the streets and whipping them to death years ago. Jodie Whittaker casting was a point-scoring ploy on behalf of a cynical organisation desperately trying and failing to be progressive, but never forget that it’s just the tip of an iceberg made of frozen penguin shit.

THE SPECIAL AWARD FOR RUINING AN ENTIRE NATION … Goes to Donald Trump, who is a fucking arsehole of truly unprecedented proportions. At the time of writing, he’s currently throwing a massive temper tantrum and has shut down entire branches of government just because the real politicians won’t give him the money he needs to build his preposterous, unworkable and illegal border-wall. Thanks to this one pathetic tool’s incalculably large ego, America is currently in a state of abject chaos.

THE AWARD FOR MOST NEEDLESSLY HARROWING TV SHOW Did you see The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix? If not, congratulations: you might need slightly fewer anti-depressants than people who did. A spooky romp through the lives of people who used to live in a haunted house turns into an uninterrupted misery binge when it starts digging into their feelings. One of them is a drug addict, one of them is depressed in a dangerous and unstable way, one of them has issues with intimacy, one of them is a writer reliving his own miserable past for a living and one of them is a straight-up, 24 carat arsehole. Oh, and they all sort-of hate their beleaguered father for not saving their mother (who was mad as a tin of pigeons) from Death By Ghost. Thanks, Netflix. 2018 wasn’t a deep enough well of despair already.

THE AWARD FOR MOST UNDERAPPRECIATED HUMAN BEING … Goes to Jeremy Corbyn, who spent his Xmas dispensing broth and socialist good-vibes in a soup-kitchen. He’s constantly attacked and ridiculed in the media… possibly because the British media isn’t used to dealing with high-ranking politicians who aren’t psychopaths. Also, he once accidentally high-fived Dianne Abbott's tit, thereby gifting the world the most entertaining five seconds of television in history.

THE NAKED BRIAN COX AWARD FOR MOST BEAUTIFUL THING EVER … Goes to Sapphire and Steel, a TV from the 70s that I recently rediscovered. Trying to explain it in normal English will undoubtedly make me sound like a man whose brain is slowly eating itself, because it defies all ordinary conceptions. Nevertheless, I’ll try. It’s about two elements from the period table who are also people from a higher dimension who handle anomalies in space-time using methods that make perfect sense but aren’t necessarily clear to the audience. This prevents entities that often manifest as patches of light or shadow from breaking into time from outside and stealing people or feeding off the resentment of the dead. Make sense? Well, it will when you watch it, and you absolutely should watch it.

THE NAKED STEVE BUSCEMI AWARD FOR MOST EYE-GOUGINGLY HORRIBLE THING EVER This is actually a tie between that time Theresa May attempted to dance and… pretty much the entire year itself. If 2017 was like watching a man fall off a cliff, 2018 has been like watching him hit every outcropping of rock as he plunged downwards towards a merciless ocean.

THE AWARD FOR MOST SLATHERING BETRAYAL OF A FAN-BASE … Goes to Fallout 76, which, by all accounts, turned the bleak, lonely world of Fallout into a perfunctory MMO with all the beloved series’ characteristic and recognisable features sucked out or watered down. A great game series screwed over in the name of chasing casual gamers. Oh, when will the industry learn. Never. The answer is never.

THE SHATNER AWARD MOST DRAMATIC OVERREACTION TO AN UNDERWHELMING SITUATION … Goes to the UK tabloid ‘news’ papers, who went into swivel-eyed paroxysms of outrage and confusion when a handful of drones brought air traffic to a halt at Gatwick Airport almost a week before Xmas. They squealed angrily about how ‘possible terrorism’ and how Xmas had been ruined for thousands of people (despite the fact that they were perfectly entitled to just get on other flights a day or two later). It later turned out that there hadn’t necessarily been any drones, and that air traffic had been brought to a standstill because the police got confused and mistakenly thought that there were.

And that’s more or less it. Lots of other things happened in 2018, but I never made any concerted effort to remember them, beyond noting that they were all pretty bloody stupid. Roll on 2019. I have no reason to believe it will be any better than 2018, globally speaking, but maybe I’ll finally buy a copy of Red Dead Redemption 2 and stop caring.

#Secret Diary of a Fat Admirer #the year in ennui

[glutenfreepretzelsarethebest]

Can you do 8 or 11 for Choni? And is there anyway you can involve Veronica somehow? Thanks!

Thank you for being the first (and so far only) request I got. I ended up doing both 8: “H-how long have you been standing there?” and 11: “You came back!”. I hope you like it! 

Veronica hated Archie. Well, not really, but at the moment she did. She hated him because he was the one who had signed them both up as volunteers to the yearbook staff, which, at first, didn’t seem so bad. In fact, it seemed fun. Then, she found out, her volunteer time would be during class, which at the time also seemed like a pro. She got to ditch class and got to take photos of everyone! But then it turned out that the class period the yearbook staff was pulling them out of was Veronica’s hardest class, and of course, the time she was pulled out was when they were going over answers to the study guide for the way-to-many-points-to-not-freak-a-girl-out-test they were having the next day. So, all in all, she didn’t hate Archie but rather the timing of his stupid group.

Veronica was also having problems with the school printer that she had to use. She didn’t understand why the one printer that wasn’t working was the only printer she was allowed to use. So she had to resort to using the only polaroid camera the school had to go around and take her pictures, which, she couldn’t do with Archie because he had been assigned a different part of the school to patrol.

That was the long version of explain why Veronica was still in the yearbook staff room, rummaging through drawers looking for extra film on the off chance her terrible luck made her run out. That was how she noticed the door connecting the yearbook staff room to one of the extra class rooms was slightly ajar. She also heard voices in their. Familiar voices. The raven haired girl thought about her options, then quietly made her way to hide by the door, peeking in. There, she found Toni and Cheryl, having just walked in themselves. The two were holding hands.

“I think we have five minutes at most before we need to head back to class,” Toni stated to Cheryl after shutting the door they used.

“The fact that our only solitude together must come during school hours is a rather depressing tale,” Cheryl mused, leaning against the old green couch in the weirdly shaped and frankly unnecessary room.

“Well maybe we might have more time if that annoyingly pretty Vixens captain were to cut practice a little shorter sometimes,” Toni replied with a smile, stepping closer to the red head.

“‘Annoyingly pretty’? Does somebody have a crush?” Cheryl teased with a smirk.

“Well how could I not. She’s beautiful, brave, strong, caring,” Toni held out a finger for each adjective, “the list just goes on.”

Cheryl scoffed and rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

“Is somebody jealous?” Toni said with a grin.

“Of myself? Hardly,” Cheryl huffed.

Toni gasped in fake surprise. “Oh that’s right! Your the Vixens captain! And I just admitted my crush to you! How embarrassing!”

Cheryl rolled her eyes again, but took half a step towards her. “Why do I like you?”

“Because I’m quirky and charming.”

“Perhaps.” Cheryl crooned. She then leaned down to kiss the shorter serpent.

Veronica kinda felt bad about spying on the perfectly cute Choni moment, especially considering how she had interrupted the last kiss Veronica knew of between the couple, so she did hesitate before this next move. In her defense, she needed more pictures for the ‘Cutest Couple Page’ then just a bunch of selfies of her and Archie. Veronica snapped a photo of the couple with her loud, polaroid camera that had flash on permanently.

The two jumped apart before the picture even came out of the camera. Both girls had their own reactions.

“What the hell Lodge?” Cheryl spat.

“H-how long have you been standing there?” Toni stuttered out.

Veronica smiled sheepishly. “Sorry to scare you. I think the picture turned out pretty well though.” She said slowly. The raven haired girl then held out the photo for the pair to inspect. Toni leaned over a bit to study it while Cheryl just crossed her arms and looked away. Once again the pair responded with very different messages at the exact same time.

“I don’t care.”

“It’s actually pretty good. You know, for an amature.”

Toni gave the irritated red head a playful shove. “Lighten up Cher and look at the photo. The light from the window makes your hair seem to have a glow near the top and the angle of the shot-”

“You know, your pretty nerdy for a gang member TT,” Cheryl interrupted, her mouth turning into the smallest of smiles at the beginning of Toni’s photography rant.

“I try,” Toni replied with a smile so big it was contagious. Cheryl soon found herself grinning stupidly at the other girl, their hands interlocked again. The flash ruined the moment.

“You came back!?” Cheryl yelled at Veronica.  

“She never left,” Toni chuckled.

“Well then shoo shoo Lodge. I would much appreciate if you get a life outside of me.” Cheryl advised with a wave of her hand.

“But before you go, why are you photo stalking us?” Toni asked, still holding Cheryls hand and gently tracing her thumb in a circle.

“Because I need more pictures of couples for the ‘Cutest Couple’ section I was assigned to. Mostly it’s just me and Archie and I feel like that’s a little too biased.” Veronica admitted, studying her new photo.  

“Yes, because taking a picture of the head of the yearbook staff and her editor isn’t just as biased,” Toni sarcastically replied.

“Since when am I the head of the gross yearbook staff? And when did I ask you to be my editor?” Cheryl questioned in a way that heavily implied she knew the answer that was coming and don’t like it.

“Other way around babe. I’m the head of the yearbook staff and I would like it if you were to be my editor.”

“Why are you even part of the disgusting yearbook hippie squad?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Ditto.”

After a moment of the two staring at each other, Toni finally caved with a sigh. “Jughead insisted that I should at least be on the staff what with my photography skills and my interest in the subject. So, he pulled a few strings and I ended up as head of the staff. When I asked he said something about Serpents being equals. I don’t really get that part, but now I’m in charge of the yearbook staff. Do you want to be?”

There was a heartbeat worth of silence until:

“No.”

“Please?” Toni begged, dropping Cheryl’s hand to put her own two together against her mouth in a pleading motion.

Two more heartbeats.

“…Maybe.”

“That’s all I’m asking,” Toni answered with another grin.

Veronica focused on the two girls with the camera, and put her finger on the bottom. Just before she could take the shot, Cheryl dramatically whipped around to face Veronica, making the shot Veronica just took eighty percent Cheryl’s hair.

“I swear to whatever being you believe in, if you take one more photograph of me and my beloved you stalking, wanna be Dorothea Lange, you will regret it. Now I am of the opinion that it is in your best interest to depart the area immediately and if you take one more photo-” Veronica interrupted Cheryl’s speech with the flash of her camera.

A very pissed off looking Cheryl stood up, but she had barely taken one step towards the raven haired girl before she had bolted out the door and locked it. Veronica then bolted towards the girls bathroom. Once she had saftly arrived, she reviewed her four pictures.

The first one was Toni approved, so Veronica didn’t need to put much thought into whether it was going in or not. Like Toni had said, the light from the small window at the end of room was shining like a spotlight to the top of Cheryl’s head, with her hair messed up just a tiny bit from Toni’s hand which was deeply buried in red hair. Cheryl’s hands were firmly on Toni’s waste, as if trying to pull the other girl closer somehow.

Veronica pulled out the next photo and studied it just as closely as the first. This was one of the rare moments Cheryl ‘Bombshell’ Blossom was caught on camera smiling. Like, genuinely smiling, not some creepy smirk. The two of them were staring at each other smiling like that. Looking at each other and smiling like they were the only two people in the world that mattered. This one would also be going in if Veronica could help it.

The third one might have turned out to be just like the second, but apparently Veronica had become too predictable of Cheryl and she ruined it. Cheryl had turned to face the camera so quickly that her normal glowering stare was looking dead ahead and her hair was still flying. It happens to be flying right in Toni’s face, blocking most of the other girl. What little that could be seen of Toni was a blurred view of her shut eyes scrunched up from the red head’s hair attack. Maybe she could use this one as part of the yearbook staff close ups if Cheryl accepted the job. That would be funny.

The fourth and final picture was taken entirely to spite Cheryl, so she wasn’t expecting it to be all that good. Cheryl was giving the camera an evil glare as she talked. Her arms were crossed and she was sitting on the arm of the old green couch just like in all the other photos. In other words, Cheryl looked like the Ice Queen she was often called. Veronica was about to toss the photo but then she noticed something. Or rather, someone. Toni. The raven haired girl had almost forgotten she was in the shot at all, but she was. Toni was staring at The Ice Queen with such a loving look on her face, almost as if she wasn’t giving a menacing speech. With that look on the Southside Serpents face, Veronica couldn’t bring herself to toss it. It just showed how in love Toni was with Cheryl, and Veronica couldn’t possibly lose a chance to remind people that.

So maybe Veronica didn’t hate Archie, and, in fact, might send him some kind of thank you for signing her up for this. Because Veronica really did love love and showing people the love her friends had. So after carefully putting the four pictures away, Veronica walked off with her camera looking for more couples to harass with pictures. They’d all thank her later.

Hope you liked it and just FYI the room Toni and Cheryl are in is a room that was in my school so I kinda had that room pictured in my mind and I don’t think I did a good job describing it. Sorry if that was confusing. Thanks for reading!

#choni #drabble #choni drabble #cheryl #riverdale cheryl #cheryl x toni #Cheryl bombshell #cheryl blossom #Veronica #veronica lodge #riverdale #toni #toni topaz #my writing

[friendly-neighborhood-michelle]

Hey 😄 I wanted a one shot, where peter tries to hide his identity to the reader. He tries to convince her by visiting, her, wearing the spiderman suit telling, he is not Peter. And she 'believe' him. And she flirts 'spiderman man' to make Peter jelous. I dont now if that make any sense 💕

I hope you enjoy :) i got a bit carried away lol but ending is very cliche, as requested ;)

Style: one shot

Word Count: 1969

Warnings: slight cursing, fluff, and a silly/stupid peter parker

Masterlist

Request Here

Peter Parker. You’re average, everyday, run-of-the-mill, basic, boring, absent-minded, adolescent boy. Said no one ever.

Although he seemed like that on the outside, you refused to accept that fate for your best friend. He was funny, brilliant, and for some unknown reason, extremely and utterly confusing.

He would dart out of the room unexpectedly, only to come back out of breath and disheveled. You prayed to god he wasn’t running about, getting in a quickie with some rando girl every so often. Of course, your mind always brushed that away every time you thought of it, I mean, Peter wasn’t that kind of person. He was shy and extremely awkward. He’s fumble over his words and stumble over his feet. You played it off as hilarious, but really, you found it adorable. He was just so damn cute. When he’d blush, you’d blush. When he’d smile, you’d smile. When he’d cry, you’d cry.

You two had a connection no doubt, but you assumed Peter painted it in his mind as platonic. But for some goddamn reason, you couldn’t help but take it as love.

You were in love with Peter Parker.

I mean yes, he had perfect hair and a charming smile, anyone who likes guys knows that good hair is an absolute treasure and a cute smile could make your head spin uncontrollably, but it was Peter’s personality that got you hooked. He was passionate about doing the right thing, from giving a homeless citizen a hot meal to doing his chem homework done in time. The way he talked about his ambitions and love for his Aunt May, it drew you in.

Watching the smile on his face and light in his eyes captivated you, like sirens to a ship full of drunken sailors navigating the seas. But, instead of his lure taking you to a death-defying fate, it lead you straight to his heart.

You dared not ever confess your feelings, potentially risking the bond you thrived off of.

You just couldn’t escape, no matter how hard you tried.

Peter had done what he always had. He left in the middle of your after-school, study session at the library. You expected it by now, and you couldn’t tell if you were getting immune to it, or annoyed by it.

You never asked where he was going, but when he got back he always felt the need to give an excuse.

The first time;

“Sorry, May needed me.”

“Peter it’s fine, I don’t care. Just warn me before running off like that.”

The sixth time;

“Sorry ‘bout that, had to use the bathroom. It was an emergency.”

“You went to the bathroom. For 45 minutes??”

And today, the fourteenth time; (but who was counting)

“So sorry, I just got super hungry and went to Delmar’s for a quick bite.”

“Shit excuse Peter… but did you even get me anything?”

You didn’t understand. Why would he just keep running off, literally. It made absolutely no sense. But you ignored it, you trusted Peter. But you couldn’t help but wonder if he trusted you. Why would he lie to you? You thought you were closer than that.

So, you spoke up.

“Peter.”

“Yeah?” He stayed continued on with his homework.

“Why do you lie to me.” And with this, he froze.

“I don’t know what you mean Y/N.” Still, looking down at his paper, but this time not working.

“Peter. We should know each other better. You should know me better.” He looked up at you, only to meet a pair of disappointed eyes.

“We do know each other. I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re best friends.”

“Then why do you lie to me? You just run away and come back a long enough amount of time later. Only to return looking all messed up and with some lame excuse.”

“Y/N lis-” You cut him off.

“Do you not trust me?”

“No. You know I trust you Y/N. I just have a lot going on, I don’t want to drag you into a mess and disrupt your life with it.” He looked back down, and continued on with his work.

You looked forward again, huffing out a sigh of unsatisfaction. Your eye was caught by the muted television mounted onto the wall of the library. The commonly seen “Spider-Man” was shown successfully stopping a corner mart robbery.

That. That explained it. All of it.

It undoubtedly made no sense that the timid Peter Parker could be a superhero associated with Iron Man and The Avengers. But it was the closest thing you had to a truth. So you rolled with it.

“I get it now.” Peter ignored you, only offering a slight ‘hm’ in response.

“You’re Spider-Man.” As expected, Peter shot his head up.

“That’s ridiculous Y/N. Look at me, I’m no Spider-Man.” He stumbled over his words. A typical trait to the young boy.

“Peter stop it. I know it’s you. Granted, you don’t seem to match an outside appearance of such a brave, bold superhero. But the Peter I know, would stop at nothing to do good to his beloved Queens.” He hated you for that. For complimenting him and reminding him of the reason he does it all, showing off how well you knew your best friend.

“Y/N…” he really didn’t know how to get out of this one, and even for a brief second, you hoped you’d guessed right and he’d finally stop lying. But alas, “…I told you, I’m not Spider-Man. People will never see me the way they see him, it’s not even imaginable for a kid like me to be like him. So just drop it.”

You winced at the sharp-tipped words he let out. You didn’t want to fight with Peter, so you let it go. But you didn’t let him off the hook so easy, for the rest of your study session, you didn’t pipe a single word to him. You knew It’d kill him inside. Regardless of how it pained you to do such a thing, it was mandatory in order to knock some sense into him.

After arriving home, grabbing a snack, and heading to your room, you flopped down on your bed. Closing your eyes and letting out a shaky, annoyed sigh as to how the day had gone.

You reached over your head, eyes still closed, and pulled your pillow over your face. The cool touch of your pillowcase, engulfing your senses for a brief second. You relished the feeling, before being robbed of your tranquility by a slight ‘bang’ against your window.

You groaned, sitting up, and opening your eyes. The light coming from your room hurting your eyes for a moment, after getting used to the dark setting your eyelids provided. You stood up, dragging your feet over to the window, looking out for whatever could’ve hit your window.

You assumed something fell from a fire escape a few levels above yours, or a bird hitting the window a tad when perching on the sill. But what you found was all to comedic.

There he was, Peter. Well, Spider-Man. If Peter was Spider-Man, you’d known he was here to discourage you from your former accusations.

You opened the window and stepped out. Smirking at the overdramatic gesture.

“Hi.” Was all he said.

“Hey Pete. How’s the trouble in Queens tonight?” You smirked.

“I-I’m sorry, you must be mistaken.” Funny, Spider-Man was less confident than Peter when it came to playing something off.

“Oh, my bad. So Spider-Man,” you figured you have some fun an make Ol’ Petey jealous, “I just can’t help myself.” You placed a hand gently on his bicep. “Oh my,” you said dramatically, “You’re SO strong and brave,” you dramatically, again, bit your lip, “There’s no way you could be Peter. He’s nothing like the man you are Spidey.”

And with that, he was a goner.

“Wha-What do you mean, ‘no way,’ I-I mean he could be at least a-a little manly…  like m-me.” He choked out.

“Nope. No way in hell he could ever be as muscular and hot as you are.” It was so hard to not burst out in laughter right then and there. You didn’t care if by putting on this act you were hinting towards your longing crush on Peter. It was damn well worth it.

“Okay well, this Peter kid, who I don’t know,” He’d put an unnecessary emphasis on ‘don’t’, “is probably super hot, like, he sounds hot, you know, like, he, the way, he just, hot, you know, he’s gotta be at least a little?”

Again, you tried desperately not to laugh, as hard as it was, “No. No.” You shook your head, stepping closer to him, “Peter isn’t anywhere near as attractive as you are…. Then again, unless, you’re Peter.” You suggested with an all-knowing smirk.

“Ahaha, no-nope, just me, your friendly, neighborhood, good ol’ spider-man.” He nervously laughed out.

“If you say so…” You dragged on, hoping he’d jump in and finally come clean.

He stood his ground, agitating you a bit. You had to do it. You had to complete the mission no matter the stakes. You cringed at your future actions, but letting way to what was ultimately necessary.

“Well, since you’re not Peter, you won’t mind if I lifted your mask just a bit… and kissed you?” Bam. Just like that, he was done for.

You knew, because you two had previously talked about it, that Peter would never let you kiss someone you didn’t know first. You had always seen it as a ‘protective big brother’ type of thing, but really, it was born from any potential jealousy Peter didn’t want to ever encounter.

Hence, you leaned in. He didn’t stop you.

You lifted his mask gently. He didn’t stop you.

You lifted yourself on the balls of your feet and-

-he stopped you. Pushing a hand to your chest.

“Wa-wait. Y/N stop. I can’t let you do that.” You chuckled, causing him to become confused as to why you’d laugh at a rejection.

“I caught you.” He still didn’t catch on.

“I never told you my name.”

“Shit. Y/N. Please, do-don’t be mad at me.” He suddenly began to fear for your friendship.

“Peter I’m not mad.” You reassured him. “I just, I wish you felt like you could’ve told me. You know?”

“Yeah, I get it. I just didn’t want you to have to risk anything for knowing my secret.”

“I would’ve easily given that sacrifice… for you Peter.” You smiled tenderly as Peter lifted off his mask.

There he is. The boy you knew and loved, under that intimidating mask and you felt differently about.

“Sorry for trying to kiss you, I just did it because I knew you wouldn’t want me to kiss any guy I didn’t really know.” You looked down, a blush creeping its way onto your cheeks.

“It’s fine,” You met his eyes, “and, I didn’t stop you because of that.” It was now your turn to be confused by his statement.

“I-I wanted the first time we kissed, and yes, I kind of hoped it would eventually happen, but, I wanted it to be me, Peter Parker, to be able to say that they kissed you. Not some superhero who could take all the credit.”

And with that, all your fears, all your anxiety, all the hiding your feelings towards Peter all were simply swept away by the passing, quiet friend that was the new york breeze.

But you as well, were pushed in a way by that breeze, but not away from yourself or from Peter. But rather, drawing you in, into a gentle kiss.

And all the world, too, was swept away, by that knowing friend you called the breeze.

#tom holland #tom #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland x you #peter #parker #holland #hollander #quackson #peter parker #peter x reader #peter x you #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #tom x reader #tom x you #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman homecoming #spiderman homecoming cast #spiderman x you #spider-man #spiderman imagine #peter parker imagine #peter parker smut #tom holland smut #spiderman smut #peter parker fluff #tom holland fluff