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host-club-hq · 1 year

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Indeed: ~This... is Our Ouran Fair~

➼ pairing: kyoya ootori x reader

➼ summary: there's no easy way to say this... but you and tamaki seem to be leaving the host club for good. just like that, you're gone. that is, until a certain pair steps in and declares what they've been feeling all along...

➼ word count: 17.5k

➼ what to expect: "Not like this, y/n."

➼ warnings: heavy angst

➼ chapter navigation

➼ talk to my characters!

➼ thank you all for your support through this whole journey! there will be an announcement post after this at some point to express more thanks and announce some things :) please enjoy! i spent a long time thinking this chapter through

As your chest aches with dread, your feet carry you one step at a time. Just an hour or so after Tamaki's heartbreaking announcement, as you all needed time to collect yourselves after such devastation.

But now, like the absolutely horrible person you are, you're about to drop another devastation on someone else. At least, you hope he'll be devastated. Wait, that came out the wrong way. You mean... you hope he'll miss you.

You had even contemplated leaving without telling anyone. Sweeping it all under the carpet and hoping they don't look underneath. You then decided that it would be cruel, regardless of how you felt about it.

Kyoya insisted that you make an appearance at his estate to tell him your news as you were all so rudely interrupted by Tamaki's world-changing announcement. You truly insisted that it wasn't a big deal and that you should both just return home and let Tamaki's news sink in.

But that wouldn't suffice, of course. Kyoya wants- no, needs to hear what you have to say to him. And... as much as you hate to admit it, even to yourself, you agree. He needs to.

So here you are, where you've been standing motionless for at least seven minutes, standing at Kyoya's estate's front door. You're having an internal battle, your expressions matching your thoughts.

Just as you and your mind are arguing, Kyoya's sister strides along past the front door, spotting you in the window that outlines the door and peers outside. Fuyumi stops in her tracks, tilting her head curiously. Then, without another thought, she pulls open the door and greets you.

You nearly scream, instead settling for a quiet gasp when she appears before you suddenly. She smiles nonetheless, "y/n, what are you doing out here? Are you here for Kyoya?" She opens the door just a bit more to reveal her body.

Are you? Are you here for Kyoya? Should you just turn around and leave, apologizing for the inconvenience and act like nothing's happened? Like nothing's wrong? You should. You should go; you should go right now-

"I think so."

Fuyumi's brows crease. She steps aside despite her confusion, "Come on inside; I believe he's expecting you." She nods toward the entry hall of their estate.

You really wish he wasn't expecting you. With all of your heart, you want this to be a dream, and you're only here to spend time with Kyoya in the comfort of his own home. But, unfortunately, you bear the burden of news to share. And this is only the first step.

It's like you've never been here before. The walls suddenly feel like they're towering above you, and you feel so tiny under the vast ceilings. It's like the first time you ever stepped foot inside his estate- the fateful year of middle school when you met him.

Fuyumi watches you carefully, taking note of your tensed frame as you step inside, glancing back and forth anxiously.

"I'll go get him. Can I get you anything while you wait?"

Her offer startles you. You shake your head, "No, thank you. I'm alright."

Fuyumi can practically see the gears working in your head. She knows you've got something terribly strenuous on your mind. Only time will tell what that is. Maybe that's why you're here to see her baby brother.

"I'll go find Kyoya." You want to stop her. You want to reach out; don't. Leave me time to sprint out the door and back to my car, maybe to drive it off a cliff somewhere.

This is how you know you should not be allowed behind a wheel until this entire ordeal is over... maybe you'll call your driver after this.

Fuyumi returns shortly; your nerves spike, "He's in his room. He'd like you to come to him if you wouldn't mind."

No. He should come to retrieve you. You can't trust yourself even to make it to his room. What if you manage to slip past Fuyumi and leave?

"Sure thing." You nod, offering her a smile as you clutch onto the strap of your purse, brushing past her in the direction of Kyoya's room.

You've made it. You've made it to his door. It's, like, half of the first step of your process, but it's half. That's more than nothing. You're congratulating yourself on the little things for now. You're hoping that'll make things easier in the long run.

You knock thrice, inhaling deeply and exhaling in the same manner. Finally, you hear his voice beckoning you inside.

You do as you're told, twisting the door open and peeking inside to find Kyoya working away on his laptop. He glances up as you enter, shutting it instantly.

"How are you feeling?" He inquires genuinely.

The concern in his tone makes your heart pulse. You sigh, "I could be better. What about you?"

"Likewise. But... we don't have to talk about that right now. Come, sit." He makes space for you on his pristinely white sofa.

And you do, sitting cautiously on the opposite side of the sofa, placing your purse beside you and chewing your lip.

"What're you doing all the way over there?" Kyoya chuckles, patting a seat much closer to him.

Please, don't do that. Your actions betray your mind, gently scooting closer to him and an acceptable distance.

"What is it that you wanted to tell me? Looked like it'd been bothering you all day."

Kyoya vaguely notices that he's doing most of the talking... something very unusual for your dynamic. Something must genuinely be bothering you. Whatever it is, he hopes you trust him enough to let him console you.

"Right, um..." You might bite off your lip from how hard you’re chewing it.

"I don't really know how to start this conversation." You admit, at last, exhaling heavily.

Kyoya nods, "That's alright; take your time." He assures. Although, at your hesitation, doubt is starting to envelop the deepest corners of his own mind. What could it possibly be that's making this so difficult for you?

You nod to yourself, eyes cast to the nearly blinding white of his sofa. You can't bear to look him in the eye, "My father... when he came to the fair today..."

Just at that, Kyoya scowls. His gaze darkens. Has he done something more to you? Have you come here seeking refuge from him? He urges you to continue wordlessly.

"He made it quite clear that he still doesn't approve of my relationships with all of you... especially ours." You still can't encourage yourself to bring your eyes up to his.

"Okay..." That's not a surprise at all. Kyoya's known for a long time that your father disapproves of the shenanigans that go on in Music Room #3. Honestly, he himself disapproves of them sometimes. His own father disapproves of them as well.

"So... he called me today."

Kyoya nods, creasing his brow, "What did he say?"

A beat of deafening silence passes the both of you by. Just the thought of saying it out loud brings tears to your eyes, and you frown.

"y/n, you can tell me. Whatever it is, I'm sure that-"

"I'm moving."

That's not what he expected you to say. In fact, that's worse than what he expected you to say. He expected you to tell him that your father disapproves of your relationship and sent you here to end it. But, you would both find a way around it to see each other. That's what he was expecting you to tell him.

Kyoya knows the answer to his question deeply in his soul, "... where are you moving?"

You lament your answer, brow creasing as your face contorts with the effort of holding back a cry, "London."

That's about as far away from Japan as possible, but Kyoya suspects that's on purpose. His expression darkens.

"When?"

Nothing but a whisper, "Soon… really soon."

Now you and his best friend have abandoned him. Just like that, you both got up and left without another thought about it.

"Isn't there any way you could-?"

"No," You choke, "My father made it very clear that it's absolute."

Kyoya knows... oh, how he knows it's not your fault. Of course, it's not yours, but he can't help the frustration that bubbles up inside his chest, and it takes everything within him to keep from exploding.

"Well, what about your debt to the club?"

Your eyes finally manage to land on his face, blinking with bewilderment, "My... debt?" You exhale breathily. The word almost feels foreign.

Holding back each and every emotion that dares enter his body, Kyoya nods, keeping a straight, unfazed expression, "You still haven't paid it back, you know."

You furrow your brows, "What does that have to do with anything?" You straighten a bit. Blinking, you wipe at budding tears.

You don't recognize Kyoya from the way he's avoiding your gaze. You don't detect the warm, soft personality that he truly has underneath all of those layers of a cold, icy exterior. Instead, you're only met with his side profile.

"You can't repay your debt if you leave, and you know what happens if you break our agreement." Kyoya adjusts his glasses, causing the glare from the light above to hide his tired, miserable eyes.

He's grasping at straws. He's grasping at you. Maybe, if he can hold on to a little bit of pride, a little bit of hope... you might stay. You'll hate him. Oh, God, you'll probably hate him for the rest of your lives... but despite that heartbreaking fact, you'll still be here.

"What?" You're completely and utterly rendered baffled in disbelief. Tell me you don't mean it.

"You heard me."

You flinch at his words, placing a hand over your heart. You had honestly thought he'd forgotten entirely about that wretched debt you owed him. Clearly not. You feel small enough to be that middle schooler sitting in the very same position years ago. You remember the horrible nightmares that moment gave you for months. You have a sinking feeling that they'll start up again for the same reason.

"So if I leave... you're going to hold up your end of the agreement...? You're going to go to the media?" You gasp, grasping at your purse beside you. You need to hear it one more time. You need to hear it come from his mouth and reach your ears.

"Of course. That's what happens when you don't hold up your end of the deal, isn't it?" Kyoya crosses his legs firmly, folding his hands atop his knees.

"Aren't... aren't we past that?" You shift away from him. You don't feel familiar in his presence; you don't feel comfortable. You don't feel... safe.

This isn't someone you know. This isn't the man that kissed you in that abandoned church in Karuizawa. This isn't the man whose arms you've spent countless nights in, simply enjoying his presence. This isn't the man that swept you off your feet and had you falling head over heels for years.

This is... the little boy who initiated this debt in the first place.

You stand to your feet, jaw grown slack and agape, glaring down at Kyoya on the sofa.

"You're really threatening me? After all we've been through?!" You sputter.

Kyoya's eyes narrow, challenging you with a growing fury in his irises.

You're really leaving me? After all we've been through?

☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

“And, y/n, I hope you intend to place that order for that tea our guests have requested?”

“Of course. I always do as you command, don’t I, Mr. Ootori?”

...

“Well, my appreciation is immeasurable, good sir.”

“Not to worry, my lady, the pleasure is all mine.”

...

“Ah, I see even a proper lady like yourself can’t resist the Hitachiin brothers.”

“No! Not at all… they’re just so…" “… sculpted.”

...

“Because Mommy was keeping a secret from Daddy.”

“Whatever. Why does everyone insist on referring to us like we’re husband and wife?”

...

“It is amusing to watch them question themselves, isn’t it?”

“Indeed, it is.”

...

“I wouldn’t have hit him that hard,”

“Well, I’m here to ensure you don’t hit him at all.”

...

“I think it’s about time I learn how to swim, huh? That might be a good idea…”

“A good idea indeed, y/n.”

...

“I just… I didn’t know who I could tell.”

“I’m here to listen.”

...

“When will the teasing ever end?”

“Probably never. You’ll never get rid of me.”

...

“You sound like a common servant.”

“… Is that any way to talk to the person with the knife?”

...

“Even so… I have just the slightest feeling that everything will work out just fine.”

“Oh? And what makes you say that?”

...

“Do whatever you’d like; I don’t mind.”

“Ew, no. This Kyoya is far too chipper. We’ll talk when my Kyoya is back.”

...

“I miss her.”

“I know you do.”

...

“Come on, Kyoya. Please?”

“… there will be some conditions.”

...

“Not too far to stay away, hm?”

“Unfortunately not.”

...

“You just kissed me.”

"I think I did."

...

“You go to all this trouble, acting like you’re a perfect twat when…” “When being a sweet guy is quite natural for you… it seems counterintuitive.”

“That’s a very intriguing notion in its own way…”

...

“Kyoya… would it be wrong to punch a child?”

“Let’s not have any threats of child abuse on our hands.”

...

“Kyoya? B-but- the picture, you made me get rid of it, how did you-”

“I’ll explain that later, but right now, we have much more pressing matters to deal with.”

...

“You’re so full of yourself, you know?"

"It’s healthy to be a little full of yourself-“

...

"Hm, maybe these aren't applied correctly."

"Get your hands out of my mouth!"

...

"Here, hold this."

"A-are you just going to leave me with this?"

...

"Better?"

"Much."

...

"You would?"

"Of course, it would be my pleasure."

...

"Just trust me."

"Alright, I trust you."

☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

If you were to wipe a stray tear now, you fear you'll look weak. You can't risk that now.

"S-so, let me get this straight. I either have to stay and ruin my father's career in London or leave and ruin my father's career as a whole. How the hell does that work, Kyoya?! It's a catch-22 situation; I suffer either way! Why do you want me to suffer?" You point to yourself with a certain desperation, leaving Kyoya's chest aching incredibly painfully.

Kyoya isn't sure he can handle the conflict within himself. He wants to pull you in with an insatiable hunger, kiss your trembling lips, and tell you that everything's going to be alright. That the both of you will find a way.

But... his passion is turning to fury so fast that he can't tell it was any other emotion before. He's angry with you for leaving, but he knows full well that it's ultimately no fault of yours... which makes him all the more enraged at your father for doing this to you.

But most of all, he's angry with himself. Angry with himself for never telling you everything he wanted to. Angry with himself for making you cry like you are now. He never wants to be the cause of this expression across your features. Disbelief, hurt, and hatred.

Nonetheless, you know the expression, 'blinded by anger.'

Kyoya stands to tower over you, fingers curled into his palms as fists, "Why do you care what happens to him, anyway? He's a bastard to you."

You gasp indignantly, "Kyoya, he is my father! He's family! I know he's trying, I-I know he loves me... he just has a difficult time showing it." You're not only trying your hardest to convince Kyoya at this point but yourself as well.

Kyoya can sympathize. Strong emotions are challenging to express or show, especially when they overwhelm each sense to the point that you feel as though you're simply going to burst.

You cross your arms, your following statement going straight for the jugular, "Not like it's anything you'd understand."

It hits the target's bullseye, and Kyoya knows precisely what you mean. You've been so patient with him, and that word that makes everything just so different. It's too much different. It's not like you've said it yourself yet... but it's so painfully obvious how you would fall to your knees at his command.

And it hits his limit. He squints his eyes shut tightly with the sudden urge to hurl himself over the edge of a bottomless pit and fall until the end of time. At least, that's how he feels.

"You have until the end of the fair to decide your fate."

Your features soften from absolute indignation to pure astonishment. Your throat constricts so tightly that you fear you might suffocate right here in his room. And part of you wants to... pass out and have absolutely no recollection of any of the events that have transpired today.

"I... I thought we were past this. I thought you'd forgotten!" You can't help that your words come out as a desperate cry.

Clearly, you were wrong.

"I thought you'd changed." Barely a whisper. And what's worse, you'd even begun to believe that it was your doing that changed him.

And you did. You changed him so intensely. But when fight or flight kicks in, many flight tactics include regression: returning to a previous state.

And Kyoya's previous state is a cold, icy wall that protects his heart from the oncoming attacks that may or may not be approaching.

"... I think we need to rethink this relationship, Kyoya."

One lonely bullet pierces through feet of thick ice and hits the softest spot within Kyoya's being. He wants to yell, scream, cry out in anguish, but he can't bring himself to do anything more than stand motionless, speechless.

It can't be this easy... to sever such a strong bond formed by patience and trust... to merely break it with one weak moment of selfishness.

Your words even manage to soften his expression, making his chest heave as if there isn't enough oxygen in the room.

Hold me tight, don't let me go. Hold me safely in your arms so that I don't have to face reality.

"... maybe we should, then."

You feel your heart shatter so abruptly that you must physically step away from him, staggering backward as you stare in disbelief at his side profile.

Don't do this. Call me on my bluff, don't let me walk out that door and regret it for the rest of my life.

Walking through the door and around the corner wouldn't have been so hard if you hadn't spotted the lone tear sliding down his cheek.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Fuyumi nearly stumbles as you storm past her, an absolute river cascading from your eyes as you throw open the front door and disappear. She doesn't even have a chance to call out to you.

She blinks disorientedly, glancing between where you disappeared and the direction of her brother's room. Then, as quietly as she can, she tiptoes down the hall and to his door, left ajar after your quick exit. She senses no movement inside, but Kyoya is definitely still there. The lack of life inside makes her anxious.

"Kyoya...?" She pushes his door open slowly, cautiously, and finds him seated on his sofa, unmoving. He's facing the window behind him, his arm propped on the back of the sofa and his legs elevated up on the seat. The light from outside merely outlines his silhouette, but Fuyumi can sense the tension that lingers.

"What happened? Where did y/n go?" Fuyumi glances back where you disappeared and takes a few more steps into the room.

A few more strides closer, she notices stray tears spilling from the corners of his eyes, but his expression remains emotionless. She nearly gasps.

"We broke up."

"Oh." Fuyumi lowers her voice.

He moves a hand from the sofa to rub over his mouth and chin as if he were thinking about something, considering something. He blinks; more tears. Fuyumi sits beside him, peering over his shoulder as his back is to her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She knows the answer. But, patiently, she awaits his response.

"No." It's soft, almost inaudible.

Fuyumi nods to herself, "Do you want a hug?"

Kyoya places his feet flat on the floor, turning to look back at her with a wrecked expression, "Yes."

Fuyumi wastes no time pulling him in for a tender embrace, first removing his glasses and placing them haphazardly elsewhere. One arm around his back and the other at the nape of his neck. Kyoya tightly shuts his eyes, his arms desperately clinging around her torso as he buries his tear-stained face into the junction between her shoulder and neck.

After a few silent moments, Kyoya inhales profoundly and exhales in quiet, trembling, breathy sobs. His body shakes, and his chest heaves. Tears spill over Fuyumi's neck and slide down her back, dampening her blouse, but she couldn't care in the slightest.

Fuyumi hushes him like she would a child, stroking through his hair comfortingly as he clings to her. He might be larger than her in a physical sense, but she'll always be there to hold him when he feels so incredibly small that he might disappear.

They stay like that until they lose track of time. Kyoya never speaks a word; remains silent. Fuyumi can feel every unspoken word in every tear.

She'll hold him as long as he wants.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Arriving home feels less dreadful than it usually does. You've let all of your tears stream during the drive home, your cheeks now slightly red and your nose tinted the same color. You shut your front door behind you, immediately greeted by your father.

"y/n, there you are. Set the table for dinner; I have a friend joining us tonight."

You nod indifferently, "Yes, sir." Then, you hang your purse to unpack later and stride straight for the kitchen.

"I said now- oh." Your father blinks confusedly as you breeze past him without complaint or refusal. He assumed he was going to have to fight you on this.

He watches quietly as you gather plates, setting them at one end of the extensive dining table, "Just one friend?" You inquire quietly, setting a place for them beside your father's plate.

"Yes..." He responds absently, observing skeptically as you move out seamlessly.

"Why are you so obedient all of a sudden?" He asks bluntly, narrowing his eyes to you.

"Aren't I supposed to be?" You seem to have forgone the will to argue with your father day in and day out. Instead, you formally arrange the silverware and elegantly folded napkins at each place setting.

"You are..." But you're not usually.

You finish fairly quickly, folding your hands in front of you and peering up at your father, "Do you need me for anything else?"

This is the most servant-like you've ever acted since he started treating you like one. He feels entirely uncomfortable asking his own daughter for anything all of a sudden.

"No, that's all. Just be on time for dinner."

You nod, "I'll be in my room then." Stepping past him, you aim to disappear around the corner when your father takes a sudden interest in your attitude.

"Did something happen with Ootori?" He can't think of any other explanation for your behavior. It was Ootori that made you the way that you are, caused you to be so often upbeat, and seems to have been the reason that you fought him every step of the way.

Your feet come together, and you remain still in the hallway, back turned to your father and unmoving as you allow his question to ring deafeningly loudly in your ears.

Barely moving a muscle, "I am no longer with Kyoya." Your tone is, somehow, stable when you inform him of the events that have just recently transpired.

Your father nods, quickly realizing that you're not facing him, "I see." He furrows his brow, confirming his suspicions. He should feel elated that you have separated, but why does it weigh on his heart and make his chest ache so?

"Will that be all?" You repeat, eyes darting to the left in hopes of catching a glimpse of him without turning your head.

"Yes, go on then."

"Yes, sir."

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Pulling the sleeves of your simple black dress down to your wrists on your way to the dining room, you catch wind of two voices. One is unmistakably your father's... the other belongs to woman that you do not recognize.

You lift your head, mentally-prepared polite smile erased completely as you gawk at your father's aforementioned friend joining the two of you for dinner.

If you were to analyze her character thematically from looks alone, you would peg her as a strict primary school teacher that all of the students pretended to adore but truthfully loathed entirely. While conventionally attractive and relatively young-looking, she looks as though she can tame a hoard of rowdy teenagers with one stern glance.

Her sleek, starkly black locks of hair are tied neatly and tightly into a bun. The color of her hair matches her modestly flattering dress. It seems as though you have all dressed for attending a funeral- only you seem to think that the theme is appropriate.

By the way your father kisses her knuckles, your stomach lurches. He isn't known to flatter any lady with such a gesture.

Something is going on. Who is this woman?

As if reading your thoughts, "y/n, this is Ito, Sara. You may call her Ms. Ito."

"Or mother, if you prefer." Her voice is teasing, but you wouldn't dare laugh. Your father does, though.

Your breath hitches. At the thought of calling a woman by a term you hold so dear, your blood practically boils underneath your skin. You even begin to feel quite flushed.

Although it may be hard to believe, this is the first time that your father has brought home a lady friend with whom he seems to be... romantically involved. If he ever has been involved with anyone after your mother died at all, he's never brought them home before, at least not while you've been home.

"Hm." Sara's eyes rake over your stiff figure, arms crossed. When she approaches you, you cringe as she reaches out and tilts your chin up to meet her eyes with her long, gaunt fingers with short, clean fingernails. Her gaze bores into your very soul. Your jaw clenches visibly, the muscles working painfully hard as your feel entirely disgusted by her touch. Your posture straightens, and you fold your arms behind your back, gaze narrowing back just as maliciously.

"Aren't you a cute little thing? Well-groomed, too." She tilts her head, and you catch a glimpse of the eyeliner that compliments her dark irises. She blinks once, twice, and straightens. You notice the handbag looped over her arm as she adjusts it.

"You're a second year in high school?" She muses, looking for an answer.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Which school are you going to attend in London?"

It takes you longer than you would like to answer, letting go of a breath stuck in your throat at the painful reminder.

"I'm not sure yet, Ms. Ito."

Sara is quick to notice that you have chosen not to refer to her as your mother. She nearly grins. You clearly have some sort of unresolved attachment to your late parent.

"And you attended Ouran Academy?"

Your father seems to have mentioned quite a few things to her about you. Odd...

"Yes." You nod curtly. You feel as though you're being interviewed for a prestigious employment position.

"And you are involved with an Ootori family member? You know, that's quite a feat. I hear they're difficult."

A huff of air through your nose, a gentle shake of your head, "We have recently split. I'm no longer involved with Kyoya Ootori."

Sara pouts with an exaggerated, jut lip, "Oh, well, that's too bad. Must have been quite recent; your father and I were discussing you two just the other day!"

Now you realize her aim. Her eyes are set on you, dragon-shaped with an intent to aggravate and tease.

"Today, in fact. We split today." If you play her game, you'll let her know that you're not one to submit easily.

"Oh, wow, you must be feeling a little down. But, you know you don't have to sit through a meal with us. You're more than welcome to... take your leave." Sara cocks a brow with crossed arms.

Your eyes narrow into slits, and you move to cross your arms as well, "I'll be perfectly fine, but thank you for your concern."

Sara touches her chest and turns to your father, "My, Daisuke, you have quite a daughter."

A pulse in your chest; it's been quite some time since you've heard anyone call your father by his first name, especially in this type of context.

"Thank you, Sara. She's lovely, indeed."

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Kyoya's eyes peel open slowly and disorientedly. He winces at the burn that comes shortly after, blinking rapidly with furrowed brows. He turns his head, noticing that he's lying on his side on his sofa. He glances out the window; darkness has fallen. He must've fallen asleep for quite some time. The sting behind his eyelids is painfully reminiscent of tears previously shed.

A quiet trill draws Kyoya's attention to something behind his legs. When he cranes his neck to peer over, Noel's head pops out of thin air, yawning and stretching her paws over his bent calf. He cracks a smile as she leaps over his leg now that he's awake and crawls to nuzzle against his chest.

"You took a nap, too, huh? When did you get here?" Kyoya muses to no one but Noel, smoothing a hand over her head and down her back as she purrs contently.

Noel isn't a particularly vocal creature, only purring loudly and letting out trills when she wants or needs something. She only truly makes noise in the morning when she has not been fed. So, in response, Noel leans up into Kyoya's hand as he strokes her. She falls to her side and shuts her eyes, legs splaying out and head tilting back with bliss as Kyoya scratches the specific spot on her chest that seems to be her favorite.

"You're being sweet right now, aren't you? No urge to bite or scratch me?" More often than not, when Noel lies on her back, if Kyoya strokes her stomach for too long, she'll wrap both paws around his wrist and kick at the palm of his hand, sinking her teeth into his skin. He never takes it to heart, gently prying her off and settling for petting her head instead.

Though Noel seems too tired to play right now, purring as Kyoya strokes along her stomach. When he stops, she wriggles and opens her eyes, silently imploring him to continue.

"Did you find me sleeping here? You know something's wrong, huh?" Kyoya chuckles, lips tugging in a sad sort of smile when Noel stretches tiredly. Shortly after you'd given him Noel, Kyoya did his fair share of research into the mind of female cats and also determined her breed- it seems as though she is a black Bombay kitten, Kyoya deducted from the criteria he was provided with. He also fell into the rabbit hole of research about how most pets know when something is wrong or when you are sick.

The notion of you erases the smile from his lips. He groans to himself, allowing his head to fall back onto the sofa with a thud. He slithers an arm around his face and lets out a trembling sigh, peeling his glasses from the bridge of his nose and tossing them haphazardly elsewhere.

Noel's purring rises in volume when she nudges his arm with her face, insisting that he make room for her. She happily takes the place of his arm, licking her paws and cleaning behind her ears.

"I think it's time for bed, my love. Come on." Kyoya hoists himself into a standing position, rubbing a hand over his eyes where his glasses should sit. He leaves them wherever they may be for now. He doesn't know the time; his body just knows that it would like to go to sleep now. Noel is quick to follow at his beckoning, nudging her body against his shin and nearly tripping him as he makes his way to his bathroom.

"You're gonna kill me one day, you know that?" Kyoya mumbles, reaching to open his medicine cabinet.

The first thing that catches his gaze is bright pink. The feminine products he stocked in the cabinet for you. And restocked.

And there's your spare toothbrush, sitting in the cup with his own, the bristles protected by a hygienic cover because you couldn't stand the thought of your toothbrush even grazing his own, despite the fact that his lips have done more than grazed yours on multiple occasions.

Instinctively, he opens a drawer near his hip: hair ties, a portable brush, and a travel-size vial of your signature scent.

Another drawer: cleanser, cotton pads, makeup wipes.

Gently, he shuts them both. Nothing inside is disturbed nor dwelt upon for too long. That is until he realizes he's failed to take down the polaroid of you taped to the bottom of his mirror. Without thinking, Kyoya plucks the picture off the mirror with ease, taking a closer, longing look at it.

It was taken after a particularly long night at one of his family's formal parties. Of course, just like any other event, you were on his arm the entire evening, charming the guests without giving it a second thought. Although this party seemed to carry on a bit too long for either of your liking, so you retired to Kyoya's room while the party was still in full swing.

In this particular photo, you're sitting on his sofa, one strap of your black, flattering dress hanging off your shoulder, and you're bent down to strip off a heel. You're looking at the camera with squinted eyes and a tired expression.

☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

"No, no! Stop!" You pathetically whine, lunging for Kyoya as he lifts the drying polaroid out of your reach once again.

"Be careful; it's still developing." Kyoya teasingly warns, easily shoving you away. Gently, of course.

"Well, I don't want it to develop. Give it here!" You tiredly lunge once more, trying and failing miserably to gain possession of the photo.

You groan, "I'm too tired to fight you." Finally, you allow your body to lay on his sofa, fully outstretched, with a sigh.

"Good. It's going on my mirror." Kyoya tucks the photo in a secure spot. You wave him off lazily.

"Yeah, yeah." Your eyes slip shut, almost moaning at the relief you feel to rest your body on the cushion below you.

A shadow casts over your eyes. You peel one open tiredly, finding Kyoya hovering above you, arms caging you in with a cheeky grin spread across his lips. You crack one of your own.

"What're you doing?" You snort less than gracefully, nose scrunching at his proximity.

"Lying down on my couch." Kyoya lets his weight drop and buries his face beside you, his hair brushing your cheek as you gasp dramatically.

"You're crushing me!" You weakly shove at his limp body. Kyoya hums contently, "This is very comfortable; I could definitely sleep right here on this couch."

"This sofa will gobble you up if you don't get off it." You turn your head and nibble on Kyoya's earlobe for emphasis.

"Ow! That was uncalled for." Kyoya lifts his upper body and cradles his poor, abused ear.

A brief moment of silence.

"I should have never given you that polaroid camera."

"That is your bad."

"Mm, my bad." Your fingers rake through his neatly combed locks with an aura of comfort, mussing them up, but Kyoya couldn't care in the slightest as he rests his head near your collarbone, just on your chest. As he adjusts his position, his glasses slightly dig into your skin, and just as he's about to take them off-

"Oh, let me get those." You take the arm of his glasses and slide them from his temples and the bridge of his nose. A shiver runs down his spine as he glances up at his glasses that you set on the table. He lets his head rest without restraint and sighs heavily.

This is a type of comfort that Kyoya never realized he could find in another human being. He closes his eyes and breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth.

☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

That comfort has been cruelly torn away from him by the hand of his own selfish actions.

A heavy sigh, a pang in his chest, Kyoya lets the picture gently fall into an open drawer with your belongings and shuts it tightly.

A dreamless sleep is what Kyoya wishes he fell into when his head hit his pillow. Not a night filled with images of you flitting to and fro across his eyelids.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

~School fair day 2 -- main fair~

After a dreadful night's sleep for each member of the Host Club, the central salon is buzzing with activity as the Club is open for business to the general public for the second day in a row, despite how they might feel.

As composed and neatly put together as ever, Kyoya sets down a teacup before Lady Éclair with a smile, "Welcome, Miss."

"I know you. You're one of the Ootori family's sons, aren't you? Unfortunately, you're the third son, so you can never be the family's successor." Éclair peers at Kyoya's stiff appearance through her theater binoculars. An outrightly unpleasant thing to say, but Kyoya expects nothing less from an unpleasant woman.

Deflecting her comment, "What can I do for you today, mademoiselle?"

A brief moment of silence passes before Éclair lowers her binoculars and tilts her head, "You can tell me how much Haruhi Fujioka is still in debt with the Host Club."

Not even Kyoya can hide the fact that the irrelevant and strange inquiry catches him off guard.

"Haruhi." At the beckon of her name, Haruhi turns Kyoya's way.

"Someone to see you." And as Kyoya strides away to busy himself elsewhere, Haruhi finds herself wondering what exactly is running through his mind. It's clear as day, well, to Haruhi, that something seems to be amiss, other than the devastating news that the entire club had received just yesterday evening.

Despite fighting with yourself, you've managed to show up to the last day of the Ouran Fair and make yourself useful. You had seriously considered not making an appearance and leaving Japan without a second thought. But, you thought it would be unfair to the rest of the Hosts, seeing as your job keeps their time free to busy themselves with guests rather than your work.

Of course, you thought about how your interactions with Kyoya would go today. You simply plan to avoid him altogether. As petty as that may sound, you genuinely believe that it is the best solution at the moment.

You mindlessly push your cart slotted with two trays of sweets and beverages for any guest who happens to stumble upon you and ask for either.

"I wonder what happened to Tama-chan." Honey whines dejectedly as the Hosts have gathered into a small huddle.

"I'm getting worried; something's up with him after what he said yesterday." Hikaru declares, hand propped on his hip with a scowl.

You stop so abruptly that you nearly lurch over the handle of your cart.

"As of today, Lady Éclair Tonnerre and I are officially engaged. Furthermore, the Host Club will be permanently dissolved after the Ouran Fair."

It seems that the unpleasant memory has resurfaced for each host at Hikaru's words.

Two claps and an encouraging voice, "Alright, gentlemen, no more idle chatter. Our guests are waiting for us."

"Senpai, it's like you don't even care," Kaoru whines adamantly.

Little do they know, Kyoya has become quite adept in using distractions to conceal underlying emotions- no matter how strong they may be. Years of training are to thank for that.

"It's our job to take care of our guests to the best of our abilities." Kyoya adjusts his glasses with his pointer finger, "Remember, they're looking to all of us to entertain them. Their happiness is of the utmost importance."

The twins grumble, refusing to meet Kyoya's eyes. Then, honey takes action of his own, "He's right, Kao-chan!" He lunges into Kaoru's back and effectively pushes him away from the huddle.

"Honey-Senpai, what're you doing?!"

Mori wraps a crushing arm around Hikaru and drags him in the same direction, "C'mon, Hikaru." He orders in a gruff voice.

"Let go, Mori-Senpai!" Hikaru strangles.

As Kyoya turns, he merely catches your back as you lean forward and use your weight to kick-start the wheels of your cart, trodding off in a different direction.

Kyoya feels the weight of the burden he bears. The weight of knowing such information that he is certain would devastate his friends if they knew. But none would feel the pain that he feels. None would feel the sense of longing and regret that his body contains. It wouldn't be possible, he believes. Yet, Kyoya knows something they don't, and it makes him feel as though he's hurting them all.

He wonders if they can tell. He wonders if they can sense your despair as strongly as he can as it hangs in the air like something tangible. He wonders if they can see easily through his facade and are sparing his feelings.

~This... Is our Ouran Fair~

As you slide a fresh teacup and saucer onto a guest's table, the sound of prominent footfalls catches your attention and you glance toward the offending noise.

With his back turned, Kyoya's father and a colleague pass him by. Kyoya's eyes slide to the right to catch as much visibility of his father as he can. However, while the colleague bows to Kyoya, his father does not imitate the gesture. Rather, he stops just short of passing his son.

"When they're young, many assume they have all the time in the world but really that is never the case. Don't waste your time with something that will ultimately have no value."

Shoving your cart out of your way, you huff angrily and audibly. Close enough to the pair to merely step across the aisle to reach them; you call out before your mind can catch up with your running mouth.

Just because you split with Kyoya doesn't mean that you're heartless.

"You don't get to decide what has value to someone else."

Yoshio stops once more in a similar fashion to moments earlier. He does not face you, but you know that he is listening.

"You may be powerful, but you don't control human beings. Not even your own son." Your voice is filled with frustration built up over the past several hours as your body nearly trembles with rage. Nonetheless, you keep yourself in check.

"And if entertaining others gives him and others fulfillment, what does that matter? Have you even thought of that? How could you possibly decide for someone you know next to nothing about?"

Craning his neck without turning his body, Kyoya's wide-set eyes land on your tense, indignant posture.

"It doesn't matter what you say; I think your son has the potential to bend anyone to his will. But he doesn't want to. That's what sets you and him apart. That's what makes him better."

As Yoshio and his colleague begin their path once more, Yoshio mutters, "I'm surprised that such insolence ever won Kyoya over."

Your gaze is trained on Yoshio's retreating back; every muscle strained not to meet Kyoya's eyes that are staring straight into your side profile.

At your side, Haruhi lets a few beats of stunned silence pass before she gently reaches toward you, "y/n-Senpai-"

And for the first time in all the length you've known her, you turn sharply from Haruhi without sparing her a glance or a word, resuming your duties as you whisk away from her side.

Your silence cements the notion in Haruhi's mind- something has transpired that she has no knowledge of. But clearly, something dreadful.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Sliding on a coat, you ensure that your cart is safely out of the way of guests passing by and that the refreshments are handed out entirely. You straighten the sleeves and sigh, dusting yourself off as you spin on your heel and stride over to the first host that you find.

Rather, the first host that finds you. Mori's towering figure stops you effectively in your tracks. Your head tilts back to meet his concerned gaze. He says nothing but has obviously taken note of your changed attire.

With a deep intake of air, "There are some things that I want to tell you, but I don't have the heart. I hope you'll forgive me." His intimidating gaze nearly pricks tears in your waterline.

Soundlessly, you know that Mori understands your intentions on a certain deep level. He hums, nods, and turns to reveal Honey standing directly behind him.

"y/n-chan? Are you okay?" His eyes are wide-set and glistening with furrowed brows, gripping Usa-chan with confusion washing over his parted lips.

You bend at the hips and place two hands over his shoulders, "Will you save me a seat next to you and Usa-chan for the parade?"

You don't exactly know why you've asked that of him. But your heart pulses when he nods excitedly.

"Of course! Usa-chan would love to sit with you! But... where are you going?" Honey innocently wonders why you won't be able to reserve your seat yourself.

"I just have to check on something, alright?" Then, with a maternal hand, you stroke over his cheek and stand to your feet.

You can't bear to look at his questioning eyes any longer. You turn more abruptly than you intend and pull your coat tight to you.

At the door, you're stopped by none other than two identical gingers. You wince.

"Senpai, where are you going?" Kaoru inquires casually, Hikaru arriving shortly at his side.

"I just have to step out for a moment." Your throat strains with a searing pain.

Hikaru shrugs, "Alright, but be back soon. We have your outfit prepared for you, and it'll take a while to get you into it." He simpers mischievously.

You turn to look at them through glassy eyes. Finally, you manage a fond smile at their antics, "Okay."

You're sure that you would have loved whatever strenuous pieces of clothing they have personally prepared for you. You hope they won't hold it against you.

As they saunter off, you take one last longing glance at the grand central salon before sliding through the door and shutting it gently behind you.

You expect your father has prepared you a ride to the airport as you scurry down the steps, holding your coat close to you for comfort. But when you lift your head, you're met with a red convertible. And standing just outside with an open door is Tamaki, dressed in a white suit.

You merely stand gawking at him a moment before he gently smiles.

"Where have you been?" You demand immediately.

Tamaki chuckles, "Our fathers spoke. Your father asked if we would give you a ride to the airport."

"You're going to the airport?" You lean slightly to the side and spot Éclair sitting on the far side of the vehicle, binoculars pressed to her eyes as she remains focused on her line of sight straight ahead. She spares you no acknowledgment.

"I could ask the same of you." Tamaki teases. Though his tone of voice is playful, his expression conveys a solemn despair that you feel you mirror yourself.

Your shoulders droop with a certain aura of anguish, "You're leaving too, aren't you?"

"To France. I... hear you're moving to London?"

Your resolve finally crumbles, leaping off the steps and into Tamaki's awaiting arms. You grip the back of his blazer, face buried in his chest with a heaving cry.

"My darling, we're going to be alright." He whispers gently, stroking over the back of your head in a comforting motion.

He pries you away by your shoulders at a close length, "I believe it's a sign that you and I are taking this journey together." He assures with a firm gaze.

"But we won't be together." You sniffle, watering eyes meeting his violet irises.

"You and me? We'll always be together, don't you worry." He jests, gently tapping under your chin affectionately.

"Will you visit me? We'll be so close, Tamaki; we're just a two-hour train ride apart. I-I'll come see you every weekend, and we-"

He quickly brings your head back to his chest with his hand, resulting in your muffled silence and arms around his torso. You hiccup.

Tamaki whispers quietly into your hair, away from Éclair's prying ears, "Do you trust me?"

You nod into his suit with a pathetic "Mhm."

"Then this isn't the last time that you and I will meet. I promise."

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

The King of the Host Club, which remains intact for only a few more hours, has failed to arrive for the Ouran Fair. A certain errand girl is missing as well.

Kyoya stands solemnly by the window, glasses creating a glare as he urgently presses his cell phone to his ear. He knows that no one on the other line is there to answer, but he persists.

"Kyoya-Senpai, what's with the outfit?" Haruhi grumbles from underneath layers upon layers of victorian-era women's clothing. Kyoya turns silently to her.

"We told you, it's a costume for the special parade." Hikaru scoffs as a reminder.

"You look so cute, Haru-chan!" Honey giggles excitedly.

"I don't understand. Why am I the only person dressed as a girl? Where's Senpai?"

"Aw, c'mon, it's cosplay, so it's okay for you to dress like a girl." Hikaru teases, leaning into Haruhi's space with a wagging finger and a grin.

"I am one, you know." She huffs. Hikaru chortles maliciously.

Kaoru's expression is less than amused, turning to Kyoya who's been trying Tamaki's cellphone for some time now.

"Well?"

"No luck. He's not there." Kyoya sighs, shutting his cell phone with a snap! and a frown. The rest of the Club tunes into the conversation.

"I can't believe... they didn't show." Haruhi hands her head dejectedly.

"I really thought Tamaki-Senpai was gonna make it despite what she said... but that doesn't explain why y/n-Senpai isn't here. Did she even leave?"

"She left to get something... she said she would be right back," Hikaru recalls, his tone filled with exasperation.

"I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t show." Kyoya's voice rings out unexpectedly, even to himself.

"Senpai?" Haruhi echoes with utter confusion written across her features.

"What do you mean, Kyo-chan?" Honey pries insistently, urging him almost desperately to continue.

Without meeting a single one of their gazes, Kyoya shoves his cell phone into his pocket.

"y/n and I ended our relationship yesterday."

"What?!"

"Are you kidding?!"

"Senpai, how the hell did that happen?!"

"Why would you go and do that?!"

At the last of the varied exclamations, Kyoya scoffs, "It wasn't any choice of mine. She threatened to violate the terms of her debt and when I told her that it was unacceptable, she broke it off."

Most of that is far from the truth and Kyoya knows it.

"Now I know that's not true. y/n-Senpai would never do something that shallow." Haruhi defiantly bores her gaze into Kyoya's.

In every sense, Haruhi is completely correct.

"Yeah, Senpai, what really happened?" Kaoru pries further, also not entirely convinced.

"Fine. You want to know what really happened?" Losing control of his tone steadily, "y/n informed me that she's moving to London by the end of the fair, and since that is in violation of our contract, I enforced her terms, and evidently she was unhappy with that result; therefore she ended our relationship."

Stunned gasps echo gently at his revelation.

"She said she was going to be right back! Are you kidding me?!" Hikaru's fists clench, eyes trained intently on the floor as he recalls his earlier conversation with you. You lied to them, straight to their faces.

"She said she was going away for a little bit..." Finally, realization sets in behind Honey's wide eyes.

"She told you?" Haruhi inquires urgently.

"She didn't tell me anything!" Honey cries. Mori steadies a hand on his shoulder.

Hikaru buries his face in his hands, "Not like this, y/n." He gently sighs. Kaoru slides an arm around his shoulder and steadies the other on his upper arm.

"So she's already gone? Why didn't she tell us, Kyoya-Senpai?" Haruhi glances to Kyoya for answers that he doesn't have.

“She could still be coming back. To tell us goodbye." Hikaru insists. He knows you would never leave them without a goodbye. Never in a million years.

In the beat of painful silence that passes, Kyoya wrenches his phone from his pocket and dials a number that he knows will get him an answer to the absence of his best friend. He worries that he might have taken the same path as you with each passing second. He turns to the window as the phone rings.

The telltale sound of the receiver being picked up causes him to be the first to speak, "Hello, Shima? Been a while, hasn't it? It's Kyoya."

"This is about Master Tamaki, isn't it? I'm sorry, Kyoya, but the Master will be departing for France soon."

Kyoya's eyes fly open, and he stumbles toward the window.

"I tried to talk him out of it, but he said the Suoh family had forgiven his beloved mother and that he was finally going to see her again. He also said that if he stayed at Ouran any longer, his capriciousness would only continue to make trouble for you and everyone else in the club. I believe he is also accompanied by your partner, Miss l/n. She mentioned that she wouldn't like to burden anyone else with her absence and decided to leave it at that."

You warned Kyoya about saying things like that to Tamaki. On some level, he knew then of his mistake.

"How could they be so stupid?!" Kyoya growls, gaining the attention of the hosts.

Pulling the phone from his ear, "Evidently, Tamaki is planning to return to France. y/n is joining him on his way."

Blow after blow to the hosts, they each cry out indignantly.

"They're both leaving us?!" Honey sharply inhales.

"We just can't let it end so suddenly!" Hikaru becomes enraged once more at the thought of everything falling apart.

"Hikaru." Kaoru consoles gently.

"Excuse me, sir." Shima quickly gains Kyoya's attention.

"Yes?"

"I was just thinking. If the Master's mother really is as remarkable a woman as he claims she is, then I can only imagine that she would be upset with the manner in which the Master has chosen to leave Ouran Academy. And... I can't imagine why you've chosen to let Miss l/n leave so easily like this."

"Do you know when they're leaving, Shima?" Kyoya presses imperatively, leaning even closer to the window.

"I'm afraid their flights are this evening."

"Why are they leaving so soon?" Kyoya gapes with a tone of desperation.

"Master Tamaki would have left sooner, but he said he had to wait until the Ouran Fair was ending."

Just as she speaks, a red convertible dashes by on the road below the very window that Kyoya stands at.

He gasps, "y/n!"

At his exclamation, the Hosts rush to the window and press themselves against it.

"Tama-chan!"

"y/n-Senpai!"

"No way!" Kaoru presses his hands on the window pane with a whimper.

"The Ouran Fair isn't even over yet!" Hikaru shouts.

Haruhi remains seated in her chair, hands poised elegantly in her lap as her eyes continue to bore into the table before her, seemingly shell-shocked.

"My family's car should be in the parking lot!"

"Haruhi, let's go!"

Only then does Haruhi raise her head.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

As the sun sets behind the clouds, the Host club sprints across the parking lot of the Academy, aiming for Kyoya's family car, where his driver sits, awaiting their arrival.

Kyoya bends to his window, "We're in a hurry. Can you drive us?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but..."

Both hands gripping the vehicle, Kyoya urges his driver to spit out whatever he's got to say, "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Well, you see, the thing is..."

As he speaks, the members of Kyoya's private police force filter in through the cars surrounding them, silent as they approach cautiously.

Feeling irked to no end, "You want to tell me your orders? Let me guess; you've been hired to protect Lady Éclair."

Through a protective mask, "I'm truly sorry it has come to this, but as you know, as members of the Ootori private police, we answer to your father."

Hikaru and Kaoru face the officers with caution, barring themselves around Haruhi without thinking twice.

Brow twitching and face contorting into a grimace, Kyoya's bottled fury releases with a sudden burst of strength. He brings his fist down onto the hood of his family's car and leaves a significant dent and a loud, echoing bang!

"Damn it!"

"I'm terribly sorry, sir, but we've been ordered not to allow any of you to leave, even if we have to stop you by force."

Conveniently, the two martial arts masters are missing.

But it isn't long before the Host Club can hear the sound of hoofbeats and rolling wheels, a carriage bursting through the tight ring of officers, carrying none other than Honey and Mori at the reins.

Honey leaps from within the carriage, and the police force wastes no time in recognizing who exactly they're dealing with.

"Hikaru, take the carriage. If you use the back hills bypass, you can cut them off." Mori directs in one breath, joining Honey's side, much to the horror of The Ootori Private Police Force.

"It's Haninozuka!"

"And Morinozuka!"

Hikaru and Kaoru are the first to mount the carriage. Kaoru reaches for Haruhi, "C'mon!"

Although hesitant, Kyoya grabs her tightly by the shoulders and gently nudges her forward.

"Haruhi, go get those idiots. Hurry."

Just as she leaves his grasp, Haruhi uses her last few remaining moments and grabs Kyoya by the lining of his jacket, pulling him along with her.

"Senpai- if we don't succeed, you may never see y/n-Senpai again. You need to fix this yourself; you have to stop hiding from the pain even if your efforts are in vain."

Gripping her shoulders with renewed vigor, Kyoya's fingers tremble. Then, with one last urge, Haruhi yanks him forward by his coat and he stumbles onto the carriage as Hikaru flicks the reins.

"Hah!"

With a talented driver behind the reins, the horses pick up their speed and dash straight through another group of police officers. They barely leap out of their way in time.

"Don't just stand there! Stop that carriage!" The officer giving orders is knocked to the ground as Honey uses his helmet to leap across the pavement and block the path left by the retreating carriage.

Kyoya steadies himself in the wagon, gripping the edges as Hikaru continues to urge the horses to their top speed.

He decides in that moment that if you're going to leave, he's not letting go without a fight.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Sunlight filters through the rapidly passing trees as Kyoya, Haruhi, and the twins press on in their strangely chosen mode of transport.

The horses are approaching a dangerous speed, but Hikaru continues to urge them on.

"Hikaru! Don't you think we should slow down? Somebody could get hurt!" Kaoru exclaims as the carriage jostles them; both Kyoya and himself are prioritizing Haruhi's safety.

"We're not slowing down till we get y/n and the boss back!"

"But Hikaru-!"

"If it wasn't for y/n, then the two of us would still only be lost souls. We were able to become friends with Haruhi and the others because the Host Club brought us together. To think that all of it could end so suddenly like this..."

Hikaru grimaces, "... is something that I can't tolerate!!"

A crash is heard below them and suddenly the carriage is lifted into the air. The horses stumble mid-air, and both Kyoya and Kaoru leap to grip the sides of the carriage and hold the three of them steady, eyes squeezing shut.

With no one to steady him, Hikaru's body is hurled from the carriage and into a nearby pumpkin patch. He hits the ground with a pained yelp as the horses whinny in surprise and halt immediately at the sudden upheaval. The carriage hits the ground loudly and comes to a screeching halt.

"No, Hikaru! Hikaru! Hikaru!" Kaoru leaps from the carriage and rushes to his brother's aid, falling to his knees and heaving Hikaru's body into his lap with all the strength he can muster.

"Hikaru, are you okay? Is your arm hurting you?"

The sun continues to set behind the trees, and only the clock tower is visible over the horizon. Both Haruhi and Kyoya observe the twins as they come together.

"This can't be the end." Hikaru's voice comes out with a struggle, leaning into his brother.

"It's just not fair; the Host Club's the only thing that made us happy. Damn it..."

"Hikaru..."

☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

"Where are you going?"

You turn at Kyoya's groggy voice, rubbing his eyes as he sits up and lets the blanket fall from his chest. He looks so adorably sleepy that you almost laugh.

"To the washroom. Is that alright?" You suppress a snicker with a teasing tone.

It's well into the early hours of the morning, and Kyoya is roused from his sleep by the sudden loss of warmth in his arms. You'd decided that you would spend the night with Kyoya after a particularly rough day.

"You can't just leave me so suddenly."

You snicker, "I'll always come back, you know." You peek at him from the doorframe now, slowly inching away.

"Well, next time, I'll just have to come chasing after you, won't I?"

"I would be worried if you didn't."

Kyoya cracks a smile at your own, listening to your laughter as you disappear into his bathroom.

☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

Kyoya hasn't noticed that Haruhi's cosplay wig and overcoat have come off as she pulls him back into the carriage and out of his deep train of thought.

"Kyoya-Senpai..." He glances at her, "We have to go."

With a determined nod, Kyoya picks up the reins.

You were right- he never knew he'd need to know how to drive horses until this very moment. It's a damn good thing he picked up a thing or two in the past two days.

"Hah!" With a shout, the horses pick up their feet again and are speeding off with only two remaining passengers.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

"What's the matter, Tamaki? You haven't said a word since we left. You're a host, aren't you? C'mon, entertain me." Éclair urges with a sultry plea, her binoculars boring into Tamaki's solemn expression.

"I have a question. Are you sure about this? Will you even be happy married to me, or are you just... following orders?"

The hoofbeats against the ground are no match for the pounding of Kyoya's heart in his ears. The sound is deafening as they rapidly approach the bypass that overlooks the bridge they anticipate you and Tamaki to be driving on.

"Look!" Haruhi points to a moving figure between the trees. Surely enough, a red convertible drives along below them.

Desperate to match your speed, Kyoya flicks the reins with another shout, "Yah!"

Your chin is propped up on your fist as you stare over the side of the bridge, watching the water glisten with the last dwindling glints of daylight.

The bypass is slowly narrowing, and both Haruhi and Kyoya know that it's coming to an end soon. Kyoya demands the horses continue, resulting in the pair of steeds leaping into the air to avoid falling. Kyoya feels his stomach drop as the horses leap off the ledge and onto the paved road, surely giving the wheels a scare.

The sound can be heard for near miles and certainly doesn't go unnoticed by you all in the vehicle. Upon hearing the loudest crack! you think you've ever heard; you turn your head in curiosity to glance at the road behind you to see what the trouble is.

You honestly believe your mind is playing tricks on you when you spot a horse-drawn carriage catching up to your vehicle. When you spot the two passengers inside, you nudge Tamaki urgently.

"Kyoya! Haruhi!" You call out, twisting your entire body to face them in complete and utter bewilderment.

With windswept hair and furrowed brows, Kyoya's eyes meet yours briefly, and the only thought that enters your mind is how much he resembles a knight in shining armor, arriving to save his damsel in distress. Kyoya shouts again; the horses match your convertible's speed.

"What are you doing?! This is dangerous! Stop that carriage now!" Tamaki shouts as the carriage arrives alongside the car with miraculous strength.

"Guys! Please come back to Ouran!"

"Slow down!" You scream over the rushing wind and beating of your heart, leaning over the back of the convertible for the pair to hear your pleas.

"All of us would be completely lost without you guys." Haruhi urges, ignoring your commands.

Tamaki frowns, shrinking in on himself, "But they... they all said they were put out by the Host Club."

"You really are an idiot! What's wrong with you?!" Haruhi all but growls in response, completely fed up with Tamaki's obliviousness to his surroundings.

"After all this time we've been together... you still can't tell when we're joking and when we're serious?! Everyone loves being in the Host Club... we really do! Even me, Senpai! I love being part of the Host Club too!"

Tamaki's eyes become vacant as Haruhi reaches to him with an outstretched hand and fond smile.

In the moment of desperation when you catch the carriage's nature of instability, you lean over the car door, "Kyoya, stop the carriage! This isn't safe!"

"I'm not stopping until you do!" Kyoya grips the reins tightly, his voice rising in urgency and volume over the noise of the carriage and galloping horses.

"You're being ridiculous!"

"That's rich, coming from you!" He barks back in response.

"I thought I had a debt to repay; what happened to that?" You shout, tears brimming your waterline as you bang your fist onto the door of the convertible.

"No, you don't! I don't know why I threatened you with that stupid debt in the first place! I... I didn't know how else to keep you here, but I know it was selfish and wrong. I see that now... I don't ask for your forgiveness because I don't deserve it, but I ask you to stay!"

The passion and desperation in Kyoya's voice feel utterly foreign to you. You stumble over your thoughts to gather them as well as your words.

"I... I thought you didn't care." Your voice barely reaches Kyoya's ears, but when it does, he cries out indignantly, more so with agony rather than irritation.

"Are you so dense that you don't know how much I feel for you?! I've never felt this way toward someone, and you- you just got up and left!"

The visible confusion on your face ignites an inevitable distress within Kyoya that his point is completely missing its mark.

"I-... I'm in love with you!"

Your head lifts to meet his gaze, eyes open wide in disbelief, and you stand to full height in the car without a second thought. The speed at which you straighten jostles you, and you nearly fall back into your seat. Kyoya flinches, arm briefly reaching out for you in concern as he grips the reins in his remaining hand.

Just the mere sound of Kyoya's voice declaring those words feels like you've reached home. And all at once, your heart drops as you realize you've made the worst mistake of your life.

You lean forward as Tamaki reaches out toward Haruhi. Just as he does, a hand grabs his arm and tries to pull him back down. Tamaki glances down at Éclair for a moment. Her blindingly blue irises plead with him jealously.

If Kyoya could pinpoint his mistake, it would be letting go of one of the reins. The horses knock shoulders violently, jostling the carriage enough for Haruhi to fall into Kyoya's arms.

They each know what is inevitably coming as they glance at each other, Haruhi squeezing Kyoya's coat in her fingers for dear life. Kyoya acts too quickly for his mind to catch up as he sweeps his arm under Haruhi's legs and hoists her into his arms bridal style.

"Tamaki!" He exclaims, managing to gain Tamaki's attention for merely a split second before he prays to whatever god is listening and hurls Haruhi's lightweight body with all of his gathered strength toward her savior.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki screams, lurching over the side of the convertible and catching her easily, pulling her into the safety of the vehicle and cradling her head against his shoulder with a firm grasp.

The carriage scrapes along the parapet of the bridge with a deafening screech, and Kyoya is flung toward the edge, barely able to stand on his own feet.

"Oh my God, Kyoya!!" You shriek, watching as his balance is lost.

Eyes swimming with panic and terror, Kyoya's gaze meets yours as he's thrown from the carriage and over the side of the bridge, reaching for something, anything that might save him from his fate.

Risks be damned, you don't spare the couple behind you a glance before you hoist yourself onto the side of the vehicle, managing to steady yourself before lunging over to the now mostly steady, still moving carriage. Your foot barely meets the wagon's floor before you're lifting off again, using all of your strength to push yourself off and over the bridge.

And Kyoya watches you helplessly, reaching out for you subconsciously. Then, miraculously, Kyoya's arm stretches, and your hands meet. His reaction is immediate, gripping your hand tightly and pulling you firmly toward him.

"Are you crazy?!" He yells, eyes still carrying a significant amount of panic.

"About you? Yeah."

Two souls colliding together, two hearts beating as one.

The clock tower chimes in the distance, but the two of you are lost to the world. The chime should result in the carriage turning back into a pumpkin at the last stroke. But with a combined effort, the fairy godmother has decided otherwise. In the last glimmer of hope, you made the spell permanent, retrieved the glass slipper, and restored everything to its rightful place.

You secure your arms around Kyoya's neck, his hand pushing your forehead to bury in his chest for safety. The both of you close your eyes, bracing for impact and holding each other as tightly as possible.

Will you save me when I fall into the deep water below?

You know I will.

With a splash, your bodies are submerged into the cold water under the bridge. But neither of you have anything to fear. Not anymore.

The feeling is familiar- you resting in Kyoya's arms bridal style as he wades through the shallow waters and toward the shore.

"We have to stop meeting like this." You jest, glancing up at him with a smile.

Kyoya rolls his eyes, "Moron." He groans.

"Excuse me?" You gasp as Kyoya sets you down on your feet in less than ankle-deep water. You put a hand on your heart, feigning a hurt expression.

Kyoya reaches for you and you jerk away from him.

"You, sir, cannot touch me like that. I'm single, you know."

You cross your arms and turn away from him as a child would. Kyoya purses his lips, sighing in exasperation.

"Did you miss the whole 'I'm in love with you' part earlier?" He cocks a brow at your behavior, nearly cracking a smile himself.

Silence, save for the sound of water lapping at the shore.

"... you better take me off the market again before someone else does."

Kyoya decides he's had enough of you, lunging for you quickly, "Come here, you."

You squeal as he takes you in his arms and spins you around to face him, twirling you elegantly before dipping you with grace and sealing his lips against your own in a passionate kiss. Your hand cups the back of his neck, unable to kiss him properly because of the stupid smile spread across your lips.

Kyoya hauls you to your feet again and laughs, "Dance with me, my love." He arranges the pair of you in an embrace appropriate for dancing, and you snicker at his antics.

"But there's no music." You remind.

"My heart sings when I'm with you. That's music enough." Kyoya insists, moving along to the beat of his own heart.

You laugh long and loud, throwing your head back, and he continues to move with you beautifully.

"You're being weird." You snort as Kyoya twirls you and pulls you back into his arms for a gentle embrace. You allow him to sway with you as you bask in the utter bliss, entirely unafraid of drowning if you're in Kyoya's arms.

The mood between the two of you makes a noticeable shift, and you stretch onto your tiptoes to cling around his neck, "Please don't let me leave."

"They'd have to pry you from my cold, dead hands."

You giggle, pulling back only just to meet his eyes, pressing your forehead to his.

"I'm in love with you, too, Kyoya." Your lips meet in another searing kiss, and this time it's Kyoya's whose lips are stretched into such a broad smile that he is unable to give you a proper kiss.

"Hey! Are you guys alright?"

You manage to pull away from Kyoya enough to crane your neck to the voice behind you. Tamaki and Haruhi are leaned over the bridge's parapet, seeing as the convertible has stopped to let them out.

"We're alright!" You assure with an enthusiastic wave, Kyoya mimicking you smally as Haruhi waves her arm.

"y/n-chan! Kyo-chan!" A screech of your names turns you the opposite way, finding Honey throwing himself from the inside of a car and clumsily stumbling toward the shore to greet you with enthusiasm.

"Senpai!" The twins follow him not too far behind. A quick glance back toward the bridge confirms that Tamaki has taken off to find a quick way to convene with the rest of his club. Haruhi must not be far behind.

Meanwhile, Honey lunges into your awaiting arms with a squealing giggle, and you swing him around once and set him back down.

Behind you, the red convertible waits for just a moment more before pulling away and peeling off down the road, continuing on as if nothing has changed.

"Boss!" Tamaki arrives as quickly as his legs can carry him, a worn-out, breathless Haruhi on his tail.

"Man, he's fast..." She bends over, hands placed on her knees as she heaves out short puffs of air.

"The both of you are morons..." Kyoya grumbles bitterly, drawing both your and Tamaki's gaze toward him with confused expressions.

"... leaving without saying goodbye? What were you thinking?" He scoffs. Tamaki's lips tug upward in a soft smile as Kyoya pulls you close to his body, seemingly unwilling to let you out of his arms for even a mere second after one of the most frightening experiences of his life- almost letting you walk away without even putting up a fight.

"I clearly missed playing dress-up. You all look so dashing in your victorian outfits." You tease, tugging at Kyoya's time period-accurate collar.

"Let's get you into your costume-"

"-before you run off and leave us again." The twins seem playfully bitter; arms crossed with teasing scowls upon their brows.

You let out a sound that can only be characterized as a laugh mixed together with a sob, leaping onto your tiptoes and tossing your arms around their necks, causing them to bend to your level with surprised grunts. You squeeze your eyes shut tightly, a grin splitting your cheeks in two.

"I hate you guys." You sniffle, an unsteady giggle forcing its way through your throat.

Hikaru clears his throat, "Yeah, well... you're the worst, so." He rolls his eyes.

Kaoru scoffs, maneuvering the three of you apart so that he can sweep you into a tight embrace of his own, claiming you to himself for just a brief moment, "Can't just leave us like that, Senpai." He whines pitifully. You coo tenderly, pressing a hand to the back of Kaoru's neck, threading your fingers through his ginger locks as his face presses into your shoulder.

"Couldn't ever leave you, Kaoru." The ever-present reminder that you know him sets Kaoru's heart alight with a comforting warmth, a smile spreading across his lips as a content expression settles over his features. You know him separately; you see him for who he is, an individual.

"Hey, I'm still here," Hikaru grumbles as Kaoru pulls his face from your neck to face his brother, you turning along with him with a smug smile and a knowing glance.

"Admit that you were going to miss me, and I'll hug you, too." You cross your arms playfully, a self-satisfied simper playing your lips.

"You know, he was pretty distraught when we-"

"Shut up! I... I was gonna miss you." Hikaru mumbles.

He isn't quite ready for you to pounce on him the way you do, practically hanging from his neck as his arms uncross themselves, unsure of how to react. Then, his miffed expression is completely erased and replaced with one of unexpected surprise.

"I would have missed you and your stubborn ass, too."

Hikaru's cheeks flood with heat, tinting them a dusty pink shade as he groans, "Yeah, yeah." His arms cautiously encircle your body, apprehensively sparing Kyoya a glance as he does so.

While expecting your partner to be glowering at the show of affection you're giving them. Instead Hikaru finds a fond smile spread from cheek to cheek, eyes soft and unaccusing.

Hikaru lets his eyes slip shut with a feeling of relief, huffing out a breath of air over your back. When you pull yourself from him, his prominent frown has softened, and he looks at you as though you've returned something precious to him.

A hand presses down onto your head, twisting gently through your hair as you crane your neck to meet the perpetrator's eyes. Mori's irises fall on yours with a tender expression.

"I forgive you." He manages.

You snort with laughter as he lets his hand trail from the top of your head to your cheek fondly, allowing you to lean into his callous palm before he's gently pulling away.

"Are you okay? I can't believe you guys fell off the bridge like that..." Haruhi approaches you cautiously, carefully avoiding the edge of the water.

You smile, embracing her tightly, to which she returns just as enthusiastically, "I should be asking you the same thing." You chuckle, pulling back far enough to meet her eyes.

"Oh yeah, that was probably one of the scariest experiences of my life." Haruhi threads her fingers through her short locks, tittering awkwardly.

"But even so... thanks, Kyoya-Senpai..." She turns to meet Kyoya's eyes.

Kyoya places a steady hand on her shoulder, "Don't thank me... I should be thanking you." He settles Haruhi's confused expression when you settle in close to him, allowing him to wrap his arms around you tightly.

"You guys made up?" Honey inquires with hopeful, glittering eyes.

"After that show? How could I not forgive him?" You tease. Kyoya rolls his eyes, gently shoving you in a playful manner as you stumble with a malicious giggle.

"What? You guys fought?" Tamaki gawks, a panicked expression overtaking his features.

"And broke up," Kyoya adds with devious intent, actively fighting a smug smirk.

"WHAT-?"

"Senpai, it's okay... they made up," Haruhi assures, intervening at the perfect time to ensure that Tamaki doesn't break into an outburst.

A shiver runs down your spine, causing your body to convulse briefly as you start to comprehend the consequences of plunging into a body of water in November. As you're pressed into Kyoya's body, his reaction is immediate.

"Let's get you into your costume." He takes you by the shoulders and leads you toward the vehicle.

"Yeah, it's cold out here." Hikaru agrees, rubbing his hands over his arms as the club crowds toward the car they'd arrived in.

You glance up at Kyoya as you walk, "You know, I'm gonna tell everyone we ever meet about this."

He groans, "Oh, God, please don't." He pleads futilely.

"Kyoya hijacked a horse-drawn carriage and fell off said moving carriage over a bridge, all to get me to stay in Japan." You recall with a sense of dramatic theatricalism.

"You fell off the bridge too, you know," Kyoya grumbles bitterly, wrenching open the door to the car before you get the chance to.

"Yeah, trying to save you!" You remind with a wide grin.

"Get in the car." Kyoya pleads with a knowing look, gesturing to the car's interior.

"Sure you don't wanna take the carriage-?"

"Enough."

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

You're more than ready to end your eventful evening with a waltz or two with your club... with your friends. You do your very best to slip and squeeze between swaying dance partners despite the rather generous skirt of your costume's gown. With the help of Haruhi, Hikaru, and Kaoru, your hair is dried to near perfection and styled according to the time period.

You pick up the light, baby pink skirt of your dress so as not to trip over it as you search for someone you know.

"y/n-chan!" Before you know it, someone takes you by the wrist and spins you around to face them. After realizing that the perpetrator is none other than Honey, he takes you by both of your hands and continues to spin the both of you in a series of tight circles.

Before you can get a word in, Honey's relinquished his grasp on you and sent you spinning without a partner. Although, it's not long before someone takes your outstretched arm and pulls you into a much calmer embrace, assuming the traditional waltz position. You're met with Mori in his navy blue tailcoat, severely concentrating on smoothly moving along with you.

Meanwhile, Yuzuru Suoh and Yoshio Ootori convene in Yuzuru's office with a convenient view of the clock tower.

"I'm sorry that we caused you concern. It looks as though Grand Tonnerre will not be purchasing my company after all." Yoshio's hands are folded in his lap as he occupies the sofa adjacent to Yuzuru's desk.

"An unexpected backer turned up. They bought the company before Tonnerre had a chance and the backer said that he was turning all the management rights over to me."

Your next dance partner is Kaoru, swaying along with you with a gentle smile across his lips.

"That was a bold move. Which funds manager was it?"

Kaoru twirls you under his arm expertly, drawing a giggle from you as you spiral right into his identical brother.

"A student investor called K.O."

"Oh, God, what happened to your arm?" You gasp, finding that Hikaru has shed his jacket and opted for a sling around his right arm hanging off his neck.

"Carriage accident, nothing too bad... you know it's kind of your fault." Hikaru smirks, trying his best to spin you around single-handedly.

"He cleverly left his name out of the deal, but it didn't me long to figure out who it was."

"Yeah, well- whoa!" Hikaru slings you along to your next partner. You seem to be progressing toward Kyoya, who is ready to welcome you with open arms when Tamaki slithers between the two of you.

With a sinister smile, Tamaki steals you away for a brief waltz, much to Kyoya's shock and dismay as he stands speechless.

You laugh at his reaction, placing your hands on Tamaki's shoulders and allowing him to dip you low to the ground, hoisting you back up with a goofy grin.

"You are something, you know?" You snicker, watching over Tamaki's shoulder as Kyoya's gaze bores into his back, rather impatiently awaiting your return.

"Have to tease him sometimes, you know?" Tamaki's eyes disappear as he grins, twirling you thrice under his arm.

"K.O. is Kyoya Ootori. The new backer was none other than my own son."

Tamaki turns you by your shoulder and thrusts you in Kyoya's direction.

"Well, aren't you a vision?" Kyoya's simper widens, sliding an arm to rest on your waist and the other to intertwine with your fingers.

"Yeah? Like it?" You beam confidently, absently reaching to touch the matching cherry blossom flowers in your hair. You allow your body to fall into a natural rhythm with his.

"Indeed." Kyoya nods, eyes remaining on your smiling features.

"You know, you say that a lot." Your brows furrow with the realization. Kyoya tilts his head.

"Say what?" He inquires.

"You say 'indeed' a lot. Why is that?" You tease, sucking your bottom lip between your teeth to suppress a giggle.

Kyoya shrugs, "Couldn't say." He fails to keep a smile off his face.

"Is that your thing now?" Kyoya twirls you, pulling you back to his body closely.

"If you want it to be." Kyoya nearly laughs at the way you're looking at him.

"At least we know we don't have to worry about the future. I thought I knew how brilliant Kyoya was, but it seems he's even smarter than I thought."

You hum in contentment, gasping in realization when your mind sifts through topics of conversation, "Oh, my God. What happened with Grand Tonnerre? Aren't they buying your father's company?" You glance up at him anxiously. But to your surprise, he doesn't mirror an ounce of your worry.

"I don't think we'll have anything to worry about."

"What? How could you not worry? I mean, I don't want to stress you out, but it's sort of a big deal." You scoff in a nonthreatening way; brows furrowed as you mindlessly let Kyoya lead you in a gentle sway.

"Maybe so, but I think your son is the one who's truly amazing."

"Don't get me wrong. I know it's a big deal." Weirdly enough, Kyoya cannot find it in himself to stop smiling.

"I am responsible for the entirety of Kyoya's education. I always knew he would surpass his older brothers someday."

"Then- why are you being so weird? Aren't you afraid of your father losing the company?" You shake your head in disbelief at his reaction.

"No, not really." Kyoya shrugs his shoulders, nibbling his bottom lip, containing his excitement for now.

"However, I must say I'm shocked. While I can imagine Kyoya taking over a company, I never dreamed he'd turn around and give it right back to its original owner."

"You-... You know something that I don't." Narrowing your eyes in an accusatory way, cracking Kyoya's resolve.

"I might."

"Are you going to keep being annoying, or are you going to tell me what the hell you know?"

"As Kyoya grew up, I was constantly dangling the Ootori family companies in front of his face, torturing him with something he could never have."

"Don't worry; I made sure that my father won't be losing the Ootori Group," Kyoya assures.

"Spit it out, Kyoya. You can't keep going like this-"

"I... bought it out from under him."

You blink, freezing on the spot. In turn, Kyoya's body halts along with you, both seemingly frozen in time in the traditional waltz position.

"You... bought your father's company?" Your eyes grow wide in awe, your fingers tightening around the fabric of Kyoya's jacket where it lays on his chest.

"Now, not only has he taken it out from under me by force, but he's basically told me he doesn't want it and has thrown it back in my face."

"That's unbelievable! Are you kidding?! I knew you were capable of something like that." You grab him by his collar, pulling him slightly down in your excitement. He chuckles.

"Well, I didn't keep it."

"Do you understand what that means?"

"What? Why the hell not? You could've... I don't know, taught your father and everyone else a lesson about underestimating you." You shake your head to yourself, eyes no longer focused on Kyoya's face with a creased brow.

Kyoya hums, sliding his hands over your forearms and up to your wrists, tenderly taking hold of each one with affectionate eyes.

"It means he's finally found it. He's found something that has an even greater value to him."

"Because I have much more important things to focus on... I wouldn't have time for all of that."

It's like a promise to spend your futures together. That owning a company at such a young age would hinder his attention on your relationship. Nearly letting you walk away has made Kyoya reconsider his priorities in a major sense. He's placed you at the top of the list.

Your eyes well up with appreciatory tears, lip trembling as you whimper. You spring upward and drape your arms around Kyoya's neck, your nose buried into the junction of his shoulder and neck. He reciprocates quickly, arms encircling your body as he helps you reach him by holding your weight against him.

"I love you." You whisper softly, eyes shut tightly and fingers just as tightly anchored to the fabric of Kyoya's jacket. It feels like a weight lifted off your shoulders just to say something so intimate to someone that you feel so strongly about.

Kyoya's grin could practically split his cheeks, "I love you, too." He blinks, feeling a terrible stinging behind his eyes that he is nearly unable to put a stop to.

Kyoya puts you at a distance enough to face each other, cupping your chin with his fingers and meeting you in the middle, and molding his lips to yours.

A terribly loud crack! echoes through the sky, and you part from Kyoya abruptly, a startled gasp forcing its way through your lips as you glance to the starry night sky and find that a firework show has begun.

"Oh wow... perfect timing, huh?" You exhale heavily, a hand over your chest, soothing your rapidly beating heart.

You gasp, covering your lips, "Oh, we're in public." While your lips are still tingling with a spark, you glance around at the guests and fair attendees who might be watching you.

"I'm aware." You squeal as Kyoya surges forward for another peck, flashing a smug smirk shortly afterward.

Your heart swells with warmth. You hum with a laugh, pressing a kiss to his cheek in appreciation.

Kyoya's pocket vibrates, his ringtone for an unknown caller blasting in the silence between you. You separate yourself enough so that Kyoya can slide his hand between the two of you and fish his cell phone from his blazer.

"I don't usually answer unknown numbers... but with everything going on with my father's company..." Kyoya sighs, glancing at you briefly.

"Oh, no, by all means. I'll find one of the twins to dance with in the meanwhile." You tease. Kyoya groans, "Keep them under control; I'll be only a second."

You pat him on the shoulder and spin on your heel to find either Hikaru or Kaoru, or the first host that manages to sweep you up; you don't particularly have a preference.

Kyoya presses the phone to his ear, "Kyoya Ootori." He answers, voice taking a quick turn from gentle in your ear to professional over the phone.

"I assume that my daughter is with you? Seeing as she's not at the airport with me by now." A grumble comes from the other line.

Kyoya blinks, a deadpan expression over his features as your father's gruff voice reaches his ears.

"She hasn't contacted me about anything, and I cannot reach her. I asked your father for your number, so here we are."

Kyoya nods, soon realizing that your father cannot see anything he does, "Yes, she's here at the fair."

A long sigh on the other end and a groan, "I somewhat expected this... in that case, I'll be leaving for London soon enough."

Another moment of silence, "I'm calling you... to say that I owe you an apology and a bout of gratitude."

That's probably the last thing Kyoya ever expected to come through the mouth of your father and through the phone to his ears.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean." Kyoya's brows furrow with a baffled expression.

"I've just caught word of the nameless backer that returned your father's company to him. The initials couldn't have been any less inconspicuous, you know."

Is... that a speck of sarcasm in your father's tone that he hears? One surprise after another.

"And you gave it up."

Kyoya exhales, "Yes, sir, I did."

"If I'm not mistaken, that's thanks to my daughter, is it not?"

At the mention of you, Kyoya swivels his head to find you in the crowd. You're being tossed between Hikaru and Kaoru, respectively. He can hear your indistinguishable shouts of alarm as you're switched to and fro.

"You guys!!"

If Kyoya weren't on the phone with your father, he would laugh. Instead, he shakes his head to himself, a fond simper tugging at the corners of his lips, "Indeed." Kyoya affirms.

"I also caught wind... that you know of a certain unfortunate incident that transpired under my company some years ago."

Kyoya's heart drops to his stomach. Your debt. He's talking about the safety error found in the l/n Model 7 that he kept for years above your head.

"And I wanted to thank you. You managed to keep that secret for God knows how long... I still wonder how you found out, but nonetheless, you didn't..." Your father pauses with a heavy exhale, forfeiting his next choice of words.

"And I know that it was for the sake of my daughter and her continued financial security, but in turn, you also saved me from a world of trouble."

Kyoya inhales deeply, "I care for your daughter more than you know, sir, and I want to ensure that she is always safe in every sense. Whatever that may mean."

The statement has a self-evident underlying meaning, and it certainly does not fly unnoticed over your father's head.

"I'm going to continue to London. I believe that my daughter would appreciate the space for the time being. I trust that she would be more than happy to have the house to herself. But I need someone to check up on her every now and then. I think you're the man for the job."

It's becoming increasingly clear to Kyoya that your father is a man that does, indeed, care deeply for you and your well-being. Despite his doubt, he realizes that you were able to look past all of his outer behaviors and many, many flaws and see his inner workings.

Your father trusts Kyoya to keep you safe. And although he may fight it, Kyoya's heart flutters gently at the notion, "No danger will come to her as long as there is breath in my body; you can be sure of that."

Sitting alone in his grounded private jet, your father nods to himself. "Good, good. I hope you mean that. And I trust you'll relay the message to y/n."

"I will." Shortly after his reply, the line goes dead. Kyoya brings his cell phone away from his cheek and shuts it promptly, stuffing it into his blazer pocket with a newfound sense of pride.

It isn't long before Kyoya finds you after he begins his search, squeezed tightly in Tamaki's arms as he shields you away from two griping ginger-haired brothers.

"You can't just toss my daughter around like a rag-doll! Have some respect!" Tamaki hollers. You, on the other hand, look like you're about to asphyxiate with Tamaki's constricting arms around your body.

"Alright, that's enough." Kyoya intervenes firmly.

Tamaki is quick to relinquish his grasp on you, startled by Kyoya's appearance. You inhale with a gasp, clearing your throat with relief shortly after.

"I will dance with you later, Tamaki. Go find Haruhi." You pat Tamaki on the shoulder, ignoring the pink tint that spreads across the apples of his cheeks and the tip of his nose before turning to Kyoya eagerly.

"So? Who was it? You were talking to them for a while." You adjust his collar absently, peering up at him expectantly.

"We'll talk about it later. For now, I just want to dance with you." Kyoya pleads softly.

You sigh, "You already danced with me, darling." You tease.

"Then let's just sway here, alright?" Instead of assuming the traditional position for a waltz like your surrounding peers, Kyoya slides both hands to your waist and encourages you to sling both arms lazily over his shoulders. You do just as you're told.

"You're cute; I like you." You giggle once your mouth is within proximity to his ear, nudging his head with your own.

"Like me?" Kyoya raises a playful brow, not that you can see it, but you can practically hear it.

"Fine. Love you." It seems as though neither of you can get enough of hearing or saying the word.

"You're ridiculous." Kyoya scoffs.

"Mhm, but you love me." You sing with a playful tone.

"Indeed, I do."

If Kyoya could have written his own story in middle school, he knows it would have a different plot than it does now. But when he looks into your eyes in this moment, watching them sparkling at him with such adoration like the stars above, the reflection of the beautiful fireworks in your irises, he knows that he could rewrite his story time and time again, and it would always end in some shape or form with you by his side.

You know that you can count on your fearless confidant to pick you up when you fall and kneel with you when you're down. You know that in his arms, you are safe. Safe from the godforsaken world, safe from reality, safe from any hardship you might face.

Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here at the elite, private school Ouran Academy. The Ouran Host Club is where the school's handsomest boys entertain with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy's elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful.

Remember, you're welcome to come and visit us in Music Room #3 whenever you'd like. The Ouran Host Club will be waiting for you.

And we wanna thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.

We hope you'll stay tuned, for our author has a lot more planned for our future.

We'll see you then!!

~FIN~

🎵I run and run a thousand miles, and I am barely breathing. Only the fuel of a passionate heart keeps this body strong and moving forward.

Could it be I found a place to rest? How far until I’m OK?

Trees of the town reveal the time has come once again to shift our shade and colors. 🎵

🎵The world always changes around us but weakness will always remain;

Through all the pain, believe in who we are right here and now! 🎵

🎵Raise one hand to the sky; raise them both lift them high!!

And you’ll cut through the darkness make it go!

The time to start is now! And I can show you how.

Start with me, and the world will be even bigger than ever before. 🎵

want to read more? here's my ouran masterlist 🌹

and here's my bts blog💜

want me to write something you want to see? request something💌

have any questions? talk to my characters!🙏🏻

Adieu~ 🌹🌹🌹

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outsideratheart · 1 year

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Adios Amor (Alexia Putellas x reader)

A/N: I'm back baby! This fic was inspired by a line in a movie I watched recently. I hope you guys like it.

UEFA's end of season gala is one of the most prestigious nights in football. No awards were given and ego's were left at the door. The large ballroom is filled with circular tables each hosting different teams from across the world, both men's and women's alike.

It a night to celebrate the sport and to catch with with people who for most of the year are considered the enemy. It is how you found yourself staring across the room at the woman who crossed you path many years ago. It was a night you will remember for many different reasons.

"Why is Y/N Y/L/N staring at you?" Aitana asks Alexia who not so subtly looks your way.

When you lock eyes you raise your class of very expensive champagne. It was a innocent gesture but one that makes Alexia's stomach churn. She shakes her head and hastily turns away. The lack of acknowledgement gains the attention of her fellow Barcelona team mates. The two of you had played against each other a few times at both club and country level but now they think of it, they have never seen you interact with each other than the pre and post game hand shakes.

Then Jenni comes sauntering over and their curiosity only grows.

"Are you going to talk to her or carry on ignoring her like you have been for the past 5 years?" Jenni says fully unaware of the thread she is unravelling.

"I feel like there is a story here" Mapi pushes for more all whilst wondering how in all the years she knew you did she not know you knew each other.

"No story, just history, that's all" Alexia is quick to shut down the conversation given that it took her years to stop thinking about you, or least she had tried to do so.

Alexia's watches in worry as all of her team mates eyes widen and their attention turns to something or rather someone behind her.

“Well, the history is about to become the present because she is coming this way" Jenni quickly downs her drinks knowing that she will need another before you get to them.

You can see 3 Barcelona players looking at you as you make your way towards them and one player is looking anywhere but. Just as you approach them Alexia turns to leave but stops in her tracks when she hears your voice.

"Walking away from me, i'm getting Deja Vu" Although you are joking, it becomes clear that Alexia knows the true meaning of your words.

"Y/N" Alexia says with a low tone.

"Alexia" you say in return.

The energy between you shifts. No words are exchanged but you eyes never leave Alexia's. It is only when she hears Jenni clearing her throat does Alexia break her gaze but yours remains.

"This champagne is amazing" she says in attempt to ease the tension.

"Lefevre Brut" You turn to Jenni when talking to her but by the look at her face she is clearly confused, whether is be by your french accent or something else "The champagne? that is what it's called"

Ale--" you don't get the chance to talk more to your fellow Balon d'or winner as one of Presidents of UEFA calls your name.

"I guess we will see you at the Euros" Aitana tells you only she doesn't quite get the reaction or reply that she expected.

You face drops at the mention of the summer tournament. Alexia expects a clever retort about how Spain won't win if it comes to facing France. The two of you might not have talked for a while but the passion you have when you represent your country is unmatched.

“I'll apologise now for when France beat you, if you get that far" You reply arrogantly hoping that it will cover your delay in response and look on your face which you know you didn't hide very well.

It seems Alexia is the only one who doesn't buy your act. The way you phrased your sentence, how you said France instead of we or even I, it didn't settle well with her.

This time it is her turn to watch you walk away and she couldn't help but enjoy it, she is only human after all.

"Something is wrong with her" Alexia says to no one in particular.

"Why do you care? It's not like you're friends" Mapi is clearly surprised by her friends concern.

"Because Y/N was Alexia's first" Jenni says nonchalantly before taking another sip of her drink.

"She was what?" The blonde defender says in shock.

"That's enough for you. I don't need you telling everyone in this room about my sex life" Alexia takes the champagne from her best friend's glass, downing it herself before putting it on one of the waiter's trays.

"Sex life? So it wasn't just the one time" Aitana joins in.

"We ended up sleeping together more than once over the span of a few years but then I found out she was sleeping with other people.” When she sees her friends about to ask more questions she hold her hand up “It's in the past"

That was the last time your name was mentioned until they watched France play in the first pre Euros friendly and your absence both on the pitch and bench is the hot topic within the Spanish national team. It was during the half time commentary that the world learned the reason why.

"I have spoken with Y/N this morning. She told me that she sustained an injury during the Champions League final against Barcelona which she down played in order to help her team win and she wanted to end the season on a high. She had hoped that rest alone would heal it but unfortunately surgery is required. This is why she is not in the squad today and why she won't be travelling with the team to England for the Euros"

Despite the bad blood Alexia and you shared she couldn't help but feel incredibly sorry for you in this moment. So much so that she wants to reach out to see if you're ok but when she pulls her phone she realises she no longer has your number and messaging you on social media seems too impersonal.

Little did Alexia know she would be joining you on the sidelines after tearing her ACL.

***********************

Alexia was limited in what she could do when she wasn't at rehab so she spent more of her spare time mindlessly scrolling through social media. If asked, she would deny it, but she had been keeping on eye on your accounts and even had a notification on for when you posted. She wanted to know you were ok but the only thing you posted was a photo of you in your hospital bed with the caption 'The cost of victory is high'.

She saw that her sister Alba has posted on her a story which wasn't strange considering the amount fo time the younger Putellas spent on social media. What was interesting is who was in the photo with her. There you stand, your arm wrapped around her sister’s shoulder with the beach as your backdrop.

It wasn't an old photo because it showed Alba's tattoo, one she had only got a few days ago. It caused Alexia to be both confused and intrigued. What were you doing in Barcelona and why out of all people were you with her sister.

Alexia only has one thing on her mind when Alba arrives at her house the next day to take her to therapy. Although she is not sure how to bring you up with it leading to more questions. The fidgeting and constant glances over to the driver’s side of the car doesn't go unnoticed by Alba.

"Ale" she turns her attention to her sister when they get to a red light "What is it?"

The two sisters are close and very open with each other. If one of them has something to say then they will say it making the current situation a little bit concerning.

"What were you doing with Y/N Y/L/N?” Alexia asks.

“Why do you do that? Say her name like you don’t know her?” When it became clear Alexia won’t answer her question, Alba continues “I bumped into her a few summers ago. She said came to surprise the woman she loved”

This got Alexia’s attention. Whilst Alba knew the two of you were friends, she had no idea just how close the two of your were. You always said your visits to Barcelona were for work, not an international booty call.

“In the end she never told her. Y/N didn’t want to waste her trip so she starting training here, now she does her solo off season training in Barcelona every year before going back to France”

When the car pulls up to the rehab centre Alexia is out of the car before Alba can say anything else. The midfielder’s mind was running a million miles a second. Part of her couldn’t help but think what if she is the person you came to see.

When Alexia hears a knock on the door of her physio room your face the last one she expected to see.

"Sorry wrong room" you don't push an interaction with her and chose to walk out before a conversation could be started.

Alexia wishes in that moment that she could chase after you, she had so many questions for you.

Like she had for the past couple of weeks, Alexia completes her therapy to the best of her ability even though she quickly becomes frustrated at her lack of mobility.

Just as they finish the session, the physio's phone goes off, rightly or wrongly Alexia glances down at the screen.

Y/N L/Y/N is calling.

“You can answer it” Alexia says when she notices the therapist declined your call.

“It’s ok. You’re my patient at the minute”

Did that mean you were her patient at a different time.

“Do you know why she is in the city? I thought she would be in France working on her ankle” the Catalonian asks.

“She did her aggressive rehab here. In France there are too many reminders of what she is missing out on. She, like you, has been struggling with missing out on the euros”

Alexia’s body tenses at the mention of the Euros. The fact that she is missing out of a tournament that she had been preparing for years for, has been hard for her to deal with.

“I don’t think you should be telling me this?” Alexia knows that the therapist is bound by patient doctor confidentiality. What is discussed between you and her during your sessions should not be talked about. Had the therapist been telling you about her, about how she is dealing with things.

“Your thoughts are very loud Alexia” the therapist jokes “To answer your question, no I don’t tell her about you. The reason why you know is because Y/N told me to tell you. She knew that once you knew she was here you would ask questions”

A small chuckles escapes Alexia’s lips. You always did know her well, it should come as no surprise that you still have the ability to predict her behaviour all these years later.

“When is her next session?” Alexia asks hoping to talk to you.

“Considering we have over run I would say” The therapist looks at her watch but then there is a knock on the door “Now. Shall I tell her to come in?”

Alexia only nods her head.

She watches you walk in the room. Your ankle is in a boot and you are still limping, the grimace on your face is clear to see.

“I just have to grab a few things, i’ll be back in 10 minutes”

The therapist leaves the two of you alone in the room. Something that hasn’t happened since she walked out on you.

“How’s the knee?”

“How’s the ankle?”

“You didn’t answer my question”

“Neither did you”

The silence that follows is comfortable but the tension is thick. The words that has been unsaid seem to weigh you both down yet neither of you are willing to be the one that breaks first. Alexia sees you turning the ring on your pinky finger and watches are you brows furrow, you are thinking and whatever you are thinking about is making you nervous.

“Why are you nervous?” Alexia asks.

“The last time we were in a room together you walked out” the memory of that night replays in your head and the feelings that followed soon come rushing to the surface.

The frustration Alexia feels is borderline overwhelming. She recognises the hurt on your face but cannot bring herself to care, or at least she tries not to. Ever since the night of the gala Alexia has a feeling in her gut that this moment was coming.

“And who’s fault was that? You slept with one of my best friends”

Your head snaps up in the direction of your former friend. The venom in her tone hurts.

“I didn’t know she was your friend” When you see Alexia open her mouth to cut you off, you hold you hand up to stop her. If Alexia wanted to do this then you would say everything you have wanted to say for years.

“When we talked about exclusivity, I recall you been the one to say we should keep it casual” you remember the moment clear as day. You hated that she didn’t want anything more but you were happy to have no strings if meant be able to call her yours, even if only for a night.

“Because that’s what I thought you wanted” Alexia tries justifies her decision.

“Well Alexia, me taking you at your word doesn’t make me the bad guy, it does however make you a liar”

It worries Alexia how emotionless you are in this moment. There is no sadness or vulnerability in your tone, it is as if you are numb.

When you realise that this conversation is not going to have a happy ending you decide to change the subject..

“Like you said at the gala, that is the past” You laugh a little at the shock on Alexia’s face, clearly she didn’t know you heard her.

“How is your ankle?” Alexia asks sincerely.

“On the mend, I guess. The doctor said that if I got treatment when the injury first happened then I wouldn’t have needed surgery”

There is something that had been bothering Alexia since she heard you got injured in the champions league final. A feeling of guilt had settled in her gut and she knew it wouldn’t go away until she knew the truth.

“It was when I tackled you wasn’t it? You didn’t even have the ball but I was so frustrated and you were unstoppable. I knew I had to do something and I guess I jus—“

“Wanted to punish my for my sins on and off the pitch”

“Y/N I’m—“

“I don’t want your apology Alexia” You says truthfully.

Alexia doesn’t get the chance to respond.

“You ready for our walk?” The therapist comes back into her room, unaware of the moment she is interrupting.

Alexia watches as you take your boot off. The scar and bruising is still there. You wince as you put on one of your trainers and its’ like Alexia feels your pain.

“Before I go. Remember I have been where you are, be patient. I’ll see you on the pitch soon Alexia”

Those are the last words spoken before you leave the physio’s room.

You would like to say you haven’t thought about Alexia since that day in the physio room but she is all you can seem to think about. The past has been playing on a loop in your head for days. You had debated messaging her as a friend just to see how she is doing but bailed. In the end a 3rd party ended up making the decision for you.

The text message from Alba was unexpected given that was 10pm and you was about to go to bed.

It read I need your help, something’s happening with Ale and I don’t know what to do.

You knew what was going on in the Catalonian’s head because you have been having the same thoughts.

Alba picks you up the next day and uses her key to let you into Alexia’s apartment.

“Alba I said I needed a day by myself. Why can’t you do as I say?” Alexia snapped when she heard the door open and footsteps approaching her.

It was hard hearing that alexia wanted to be alone but it wasn’t surprising. Alba hadn’t told you much about why she needed your help but when you looked around the apartment you see why. The blinds are closed, the lights are turned off, the only evidence that someone is home is the small sound coming from the TV. You follow it until you reach the living area.

There she lays with her leg elevated and the look of defeat on her face. You do see a brief look of happiness when she sees you, yet you remain in the doorway waiting for her to invite you in. There had been so many things taken out of alexia’s control and having people come into her home uninvited shouldn’t be one of them.

“I heard misery loves company so here I am. Can I come in?” You ask her.

She makes you wait a little longer than you would have liked but when her face softens she pats the seat beside her.

“I’m not miserable” Alexia pouts. The expression stays on her face when Nala jumps over to your side of the sofa, something that shouldn’t happen given that you have never met the dog before.

“We disagree, don’t we nala?” The furball barks in agreement making her owner laugh but only a second before her stoic face returns.

“Let me guess, this has to do to with Barcelona being in France for the AMOS cup? Missing out on international duty is one thing but missing club football, that is tough” You are speaking from experience but the pain and frustration Alexia feels blinds her from seeing that.

“You wouldn’t understand” Alexia absentmindedly begins playing with the velcro on her knee brace.

“Really? Lyon is in Portland for the WICC cup and I can’t be with the team so trust me when I say I understand how you feel Alexia”

“How are you so…” Alexia tries and fails to come up with a word to describe your energy.

“Not pissed off at the world” Alexia nods at your choice of words “because I know that me being mad and pushing everyone away won’t change anything” It has taken a while for you to come to this realisation but now you had, things seemed to be getting better.

“Really Y/N? You have pushed everyone away because you are here in Barcelona when you live in Lyon” still Alexia chooses to argue with you but you let her, you know she needs to let her frustrations out.

“You know that isn’t true. I haven’t pushed anyone away I have simply chosen to see different people. I saw Lola the other week and then yesterday I went to lunch your new team and my former team Lucy Bronze. As for me being in Barcelona, I come here every year since” you stop yourself when you realise what you are about to confess.

“Since what?” Alexia asks even though she knows the answer, well half the answer. Every since Alba told her that you came to Barcelona years ago to confess your true feelings, Alexia has wanted to know more.

“Since I came here to tell you I loved you” you shrug your shoulders when you see Alexia’s eyes widen in shock.

Alexia stumbles over her words and she cannot manage to say a single sentence.

“What? Didn’t expect me to be honest? I know Alba told you” you knew this would come up since the her younger sister told you Alexia has asked about you.

“But you never told me. Why come all the way here and leave without doing what you came to do” Alexia wants to know why you never told her, why you let her hate you for all these years when you loved her.

“I wanted to Alexia but then I saw you at the beach with your friends. You were so happy and knowing how much I hurt you, I didn’t want to risk you feeling that way again. It was clear that you had moved and I knew in that moment that I missed my chance”

You felt like a weight hand been lifted off you shoulders and placed on top of your heart. Now that Alexia knew how you felt it opened you up to being vulnerable and you didn’t like it. Alexia’s face gave nothing away and it only added to your anxiousness.

“You’re wrong Y/N I didn’t move on and I think part of me still hasn’t. It why I still has these feelings for you, some that are obvious like pain and frustration but then I have moments like when I found you were injured and I knew that I still care about you, more than I would like to admit”

Now it was your turn to be at loss for words. Alexia has always been your what if but now things could be different.

Instead of waiting for you to reply, Alexia asks a question which you wanted to know the answer to as well.

“What does this mean for us”

“It means we have a chance Alexia”

You look down at the time of your phone. When you stand to your feet it is obvious that you are going to leave.

“What are you doing? I want you to stay” Alexia begs.

“Unfortunately today is my last day in Barcelona, I need to go home” when you see the look of disappointment on her face you know that once again time is not on your side.

“But there’s some much more I need to say”

“Alba has my number. I’m only a call away”

As you walk away you do with a heavy heart. You didn’t think you would be leaving Barcelona having said what you came to say all those years ago but you are happy you have.

“Goodbye Y/N” Alexia reluctantly says.

“Adios Amor” A nickname you hadn’t used in years comes out so naturally and by the look on Alexia’s face you can tell she likes hearing you say it just as much as you like calling her it.

#woso x reader #woso imagine #woso one shot #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas imagine #alexia putellas one shot #barcelona femeni x reader #barcelona femeni one shot #barcelona femeni imagine #espwnt x reader #espwnt one shot #espwnt imagine

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misscammiedawn · 4 months

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Dissociative Identity Disorder in Mr. Robot

So I have been writing little essays about Mr. Robot recently.

Dom's Sexuality, Gay Marriage and Whiterose

Back to the Future and Brainwashing

Today I wish to talk about the DID representation in Mr. Robot.

Actually I want to talk about the DID representation in the Hulk comics but there are 40 years worth of storylines involving it and it would require me to write about clinical understandings from the 1980s when it was called MPD (admitedly Mr. Robot's stumbles at the finish line with some of these same outdated treatment models) and that would take a while. Suffice to say it will happen eventually*. I shall make a new tag "Media Myself and I" and post it under that when I have more time to do it justice. Maybe I'll do others. I am uncertain. I believe I want to focus on positive depictions where there are no murder alters. The goal is to get people to want to enjoy things, not to steer them away. I have a few shows and games in mind at the very least.

Regardless… Mr. Robot is an easier topic to cover and is my hyperfocus of the moment.

So Mr. Robot is a show about isolation in the modern world. It's a show about socioeconomic stress, late-stage capitalism and what it means to enact meaningful change on a broken world.

But above all it is about the healing journey of Elliot Alderson, a man with dissociative identity disorder.

I say that at the start because Elliot's condition is never named until the final episode. In many ways a realistic depiction of a real world disorder was an afterthought noted in the final hour of the journey as a means of justifying the split personality trope and hiding a final twist. In spite of that the roadmap for the show was always leading to this destination and along the way they managed to get some fairly good representation out of the mix.

Season 2 even involves the only time I have ever seen a piece of fiction depict "blending" on screen. Blending isn't a symptom listed in either DSM or ICD manuals. It is, however, something one would hear about if they had a conversation with someone who had DID. I have used that scene to depict what it feels like to my partners.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

I love Mr. Robot. It is currently my favorite show of all time. If you have never seen it then please give it a shot. This post will be spoiler heavy and I'd hate to rob anyone the opportunity to watch S4E7 and have a pure emotional reaction to it. The show is on Amazon Prime and the full box set is available for $35-50 depending on format and vendor.

Go with my blessing.

The first season of the show begins with Elliot Alderson (Rami Malek) living a double life. By day a cyber security expert and by night he spends his time at his computer hacking people's accounts and satisfying a "little itch in the back of his head" that guides him to uncover the murky facts about people. The first scene of the show has him take down a cafe owner who hosts an illegal and deeply unpleasant website. I have seen individuals walk away from the first episode thinking that the show is "Dexter but with computers" but it is more lulsec activism with a Fight Club aesthetic.

The show has 4 seasons and each season depicts a different stage of Elliot's healing journey and with it completely different rules and depictions of his condition. I'll break down each season for what they do right and what they do wrong.

Season 1: Discovery

Elliot's system in season one is undiscovered but he has overt symptoms, meaning he is unaware that he has any alters but he suffers from clean breaks in his consciousness and drastically altered behavior patterns both which are a detriment to the "hidden" nature of the condition.

Commonly most people do not discover their condition until their 30s. I was 37/38 when our therapist started guiding us towards accepting our condition.

DID manifests in childhood but it's a hidden illness that does its best to go undetected. The point of the condition is to remain hidden. The internet and the educational resources it offers are helping younger individuals to recognize their symptoms and advocate for themselves at an earlier age but the standard medical understanding is that most people are developed adults before they are diagnosed.

Published statistics for DID indicate the global population of those with the condition is about 1.5% (some organizations argue the number should be higher due to how difficult it is to receive an accurate diagnosis, but 1.5% is the most consistent figure) which is rare but not to the point of never encountering it. For comparison, according to a 2023 census 1.0% of people in the USA identify as transgender. There are no tested classifications for Covert vs Overt display of symptoms but it is widely agreed that an overwhelming majority of cases within the 1.5% are covert.

We learn that Elliot is desperately lonely, abuses morphine and has paranoid delusions about men in black stalking his every move. Whenever Elliot is on screen we can never be sure what is real and what isn't, so there are times when men wearing black suits are on screen and we cannot be sure if Elliot is paranoid or delusional.

The show takes place through his perspective after all and we are a character in the show.

See… the narrative device of the show involves Elliot speaking to "friend", us. The audience. "Hello, friend." is a common refrain spoken throughout the show. The narrative begins a short while after Elliot had a complete mental breakdown and smashed up a server room, he is seeing a court appointed therapist, is socially paralyzed to the point of which we see him linger outside a birthday party and retreat home to cry in loneliness.

The entire first season Mr. Robot is depicted as another character, akin to Tyler Durden, a wild revolutionary who wants to encrypt the data of the world's largest bank in order to seal the debt records and reset everything back to 0. He starts off appearing in scenes involving the men in black stalking Elliot to mingle him in with the paranoid delusions and eventually begins interacting with him in earnest. Though the reveal is treated as a twist 8 episodes into the show Elliot does accuse the audience of knowing the entire time and he refuses to speak to us for some time, even going as far as to keep secrets from us because he cannot trust us any longer.

It's at this point that I will note that media depictions of DID tend to lean heavily on the phrase "it's a visual medium" and depict ways that characters can see, interact with and communicate with alters/parts in a dramatic setting. Off the top of my head Hulk is about the only form of fiction I've seen where the temptation to do this doesn't take over and even then the old "other face in the mirror" trope shows up there.

So for what it's worth the paranoid thinking and hallucinations are not DID symptoms and typically a person with the condition cannot see or hear their alters. In fact a testing criteria included in the MID exam is to rule out schizophrenia by eliminating the possibility that the voices heard are external or that any hallucinations exist. In Mr. Robot they are likely caused by Elliot's morphine addiction, but he gets clean after season 1 and Mr. Robot is always there.

There are some plot elements which I want to talk about but they do spoil the final "twist" of the show. So I want to warn again that anyone in the process of watching should be warned we are getting into entire show spoiler territory.

The Elliot we see in the show is the result of the stress fueled breakdown that Mr. Alderson had 6 months prior to the show starting. The timeline is fuzzy in my head but there were two triggers which set him off and began his condition flaring up (and/or caused him to lean harder into his drug addiction which in turn fueled his condition). The one we know about is that he was locked in a server room and forced to work long into the night on an issue and the already upset and stressed Elliot snapped and had a black-out.

We come to learn that he has had these his whole life but this is the first time such an incident occurred that he couldn't self-justify what had happened. He smashed up a server room, something he felt himself not capable of.

But the second trigger is the more important one.

His sister, Darlene, moved to NYC and started visiting him.

The bigger and better twist of season 1 is that Elliot and Darlene are siblings. This is hidden from Elliot and the audience for the first 7 episodes and her presence is treated much like Marla Singer from Fight Club, of whom she likely contains some inspiration, where she keeps showing up in Elliot's apartment and acting overly familiar with him.

In the earliest episodes when we are learning about Elliot's lonely life he looks at a photograph of himself and his mother at Coney Island. Due to some hallucinations we know that Magda is an abusive mother and screamed at/hit Elliot a lot. We learn more about her in future episodes and she is a truly horrible parent. Likely more than was ever depicted in the show.

The photo is actually of the full Alderson family including Darlene and Edward but is not shown as such until the reveals that Darlene is Elliot's sister and Mr. Robot is modeled after Elliot's father. The photograph is a reference to Back to the Future.

But it also is a fairly good visual representation of self-filtering information, even when it is contradictory in nature. This is common not just in DID but in all forms of CPTSD.

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that develops during prolonged exposure to trauma and makes radical changes to the nervous system. CPTSD is considered a root of DID and it is universal for those diagnosed with DID to have a CPTSD diagnosis also.

One of the ways CPTSD symptoms manifest is "Emotional Avoidance". The nervous system is activated when triggers related to the trauma exist within the person's life. In order to function their brains push away these reminders and naturally avoid interacting with them. This causes those with the condition to become withdrawn, to isolate and to have distorted and often contradicting patterns of thought. For instance Elliot needs connection and safety that he associates with family but his family were his primary abusers and so he edits his memories to focus on positive associations such as a family trip to Coney Island that has become an obsession to him in adulthood. We later learn that Elliot's obsession with movies was born from it being his primary way of connecting with his father... which is fairly relatable.

His positive memories of his parents are held in high regard even though we know that his father "pushed him out of a window" and his mother used to put out cigarette butts on Darlene, tried to force her to commit animal cruelty and is often depicted in hallucinations as beating and screaming at Elliot.

In a case where it is impossible to avoid the traumatic trigger, for instance the return of relative who is a living reminder of his abusive childhood, the individual may begin to dissociate. Dissociation being where a person, overwhelmed by what they are experiencing has a separation from their normal state leading to a disconnect from emotions, sense of self and reality.

Episode 8 in particular contains a visual depiction of it when Elliot is having a quiet meltdown over finding out he has a 2 day deadline and his boss at work has known about the server exploit he installed all along.

(the show often uses the camera in ways to emphasize emotional walls, dissociation and isolation like this. This sequence does so by having hard cuts, shaky cam and frantic pace melt into a gliding slow lull where the background noise filters out and we can share in Elliot's distance from his situation for a moment)

Elliot's form of blocking out is extreme but has half a foot in reality (and half a foot in the logic born from the "twist" ending) in that in order to continue interacting with Darlene he views her as a member of Fsociety and edits out their connection until it is revealed in episode 7.

A small brilliancy about Fsociety is that the entire group is formed around Elliot and Darlene's need for childhood safety. The hacking elements of the show undoubtedly born from 9 year old Elliot spending time at Mr. Robot computer repair with a smile. The anon-mask that the show uses comes from an in-universe movie that Darlene and Elliot watched every Halloween and their base of operations is Coney Island. A place that both siblings seem to associate with safety and happiness...

Which is extra messed up when you factor Season 2's revelation that Darlene was kidnapped while on a family trip to Coney Island.

Darlene's panic attacks, need to feel special and her abusive upbringing are not the topic for this essay, but I wanted to make mention that Magda was such a horrible mother that a 4/5 year old Darlene thinks of being kidnapped from a family trip to Coney Island as one of her most precious childhood memories.

The desire to reach into the past and change things to create an ideal future is a heavy theme of the show and I feel it's important to note that though the Alderson siblings reject Whiterose and her scheme, they are both living in an almost literal fun house distortion of the few unambiguously GOOD childhood memories that they each have and have wrapped them around themselves like a protective blanket.

The plot of season 1 gets a lot more uncomfortable when you realize how much of Fsociety is two traumatized kids recreating positive elements of their childhood and trying to live inside of those memories while lashing out at those who took their father away from them. The entire plan is centered around events from 1995. The show takes place in 2015.

Mr. Robot himself is, of course, the ultimate symbol of that take on events.

Edward Alderson was a monster. He's referred to as such overtly in Elliot's detox fever dream. Everyone asks him who his "monster" is while handing him the key that we learn was to his childhood bedroom. A key that he hid to prevent Edward from entering his room late at night.

Yet throughout the first 3 seasons of the show we are only shown him in context of the positive memories that he and Elliot shared. Elliot was 9 years old when Edward passed away from leukemia.

At a point, Elliot is picked up from school. He has a bruise on his cheek and the scene begins with Edward asking "If I had to guess, you didn't tell Principal Howard your side.", assuring him it's okay to share his side of the story. Because Edward is convincing him to tell his side I am going to assume Elliot got into a fight but it's not impossible to assume that the school pulled Edward in to discuss the signs of physical abuse on the child. Edward would never tell Elliot to tell his side of that story so I assume it was a fight.

It's unclear if Mr. Robot is the one who participated in those fights (we only have 2 confirmed instances of Elliot's alters showing up in childhood. The window incident and the day Edward died) but Edward picks him up and protects him from his mother's wrath and bonds with him during that drive, he reveals his diagnosis to Elliot before inviting him to work with him at the computer repair store. Likely this is what leads to Elliot's hacker skills being born.

A hauntingly similar event in my own life is why I am a photographer.

Given that the majority of Season 1 has Elliot in the dark about his condition we are only given context as to why he is the way he is and see the display of dissociative symptoms which manifest from CPTSD. Mr. Robot existing at all is actually not required for this to be a good depiction of adults who grew up in abusive environments and the way they maladaptively cope.

I also want to give a little praise to the "itch at the back of [Elliot's] head" that shows up when he feels the desire to hack someone or dig deeper and the way he pushes forward with his own will until he calms down enough to let a creeping hesitation overcome him and prevent him from acting.

Passive Influence is part of DID. It's a situation where a "fronting" (that is to say part that is in control at a time) performs an unthinking action or is emotionally swayed by the influence of another part/alter that is not presently conscious. These are one of the biggest ways that the condition flies under the radar for many. When they are close to discovering proof of their condition they will often feel an unconscious push away from it. The phenomenon is fairly easily brushed aside internally as "a gut feeling" or an "impulse" but it's observable under the right conditions.

An instance I can think of in my own life is when our survival part is trying to push people away and our emotional part desperately tries to reach out. I will often find my hand grabbing a person's wrist and clinging tightly to it without even noticing that I've done it.

In the show Elliot is compelled by Mr. Robot when he feels someone is a danger or has a weakness that can be exploited. Part of him knows he needs to do something about it and so he lets himself be guided.

The season ends with The 5/9 Hack succeeding, all the financial data being encrypted and Elliot sent to prison for (minor) hacking charges.

He knows who Mr. Robot is now and he fears him as his enemy.

Season 2 (and the book): Exploration

The first 8 episodes of Season 2 are a filter for those watching the show, many drop off. Personally I love it but I can see why it's not for everyone. Season 2 is much slower than the first and Elliot is in prison for those 8 episodes. He's also imagining that prison is his mother's house.

That daydreaming coping mechanism is largely there to add a fairly unearned sense of mystery to a character development season and make things a little more visually interesting. For the most part I don't really want to focus too much on it or the way Elliot treats "us"/"friend".

The fact is that for this season Mr. Robot and Elliot are in direct conflict but they are feeling out their landscape and trying to find common ground. They are pulling in different directions but they are reacting and responding to one another. The show uses a chess match as a visual symbol of this and in such they are keeping one another in a constant state of check. They are opposed to one another but they are communicating and working things out.

So let's start by looking at the book. The book is a recreation of the in-universe journal that Elliot keeps while he is in prison. We see him writing in it during the show and the entire thing is available, it even includes little ARG elements to let you decode the messages Mr. Robot is receiving from The Dark Army.

The book is detailed like this and it's possible to note when Elliot's handwriting turns into Mr. Robot's handwriting. There are even points where there is "blended" handwriting. It's easy to spot in the above image because Mr. Robot writes with a heavy hand and in all caps where Elliot is soft and uses lower case, in the top line of the second page "you NeeD atteNtioN aNd aRe Willing to pay a lotta MoNey to get it." you can see Elliot slipping from one headspace to another while becoming upset at society.

Even still if you look above the FUCK SOCIETY image you see Elliot's calmer handwriting as clear and flowing.

When we were in denial of our condition we poured through journal after journal and chatlog after chatlog hunting for evidence to prove or disprove the theory.

It was when I looked at our old gaming journals (we took notes in pen/pencil live during TTRPG sessions because memory issues are gonna memory issues) that we noticed similar. Cursive used in some phrases, individual letters separate on another, the letters g and y getting curled at times and not at other times.

Subtler than what is displayed above but no less real.

Season 2 introduces us to Ray the warden brilliantly played by Craig Robinson. He empathizes with Elliot because he speaks to his dead wife as a means of coping with grief and assumes that Elliot is the same.

He offers Elliot guidance by asking him to play chess "against himself" and this leads to Elliot and Mr. Robot playing endless games of stalemate against one another with deletion on the line for the loser. It's the same brain and neither side wants to lose (nor do they truly want to win, Elliot admits as much in Season 3 that he likes having Mr. Robot and misses him when he's not around) and as noted above with passive influence, the games are always guided to end in a stalemate because no matter how opposed they are as forces, they both want the same things.

So... how about the Sitcom episode?

Elliot breaks his promise to Ray and looks at the website that he is tasked with doing tech support on. It's--- not good.

Ray uses a combination of crooked cops and convicted Neo-Nazis to have Elliot beaten into submission so he won't report what he saw. Elliot cannot handle this and has a mental break and wakes up in a 90s 4 camera sitcom world.

Alf is there. Because old episodes of Alf are playing in the medical ward at the time Elliot is being treated for his wounds.

The entire time he is taking a beating Mr. Robot is protecting Elliot by fronting and forcing him into an inner-world fantasy.

Okay... so Inner-Worlds.

In the show we actually had one of these in Season 1 during the detox trip but I want to talk about it now and round back and talk more in Season 4.

Inner-Worlds are a thing within DID treatment. Emphasis on the word treatment. It's one of the more commonly misunderstood things within discussion on the condition because it's regularly reported as part of the experiences within those who are diagnosed with DID but it's important to know that the existence of the diagnosis indicates the existence of treatment.

During any adapted 3 or 4 phase trauma treatment program that includes parts work, whether this be Internal Family Systems model which is used for individuals who do not have DID or system mapping and stabilization for those who do, the patient must work on creating a "meeting" space to visualize (or sense out emotionally for those with aphantasia) and much of the work of developing safety and structure within comes from filling that space with comforts and generating communication between parts.

I'll talk more on the "conference table" in Season 4.

It is possible for those not going through therapy to create one outside of the context of a therapeutic alliance but the creation of one is an intentional act. Not something that comes free with your childhood trauma.

Elliot's trip to the inner-world keeps him from experiencing any of the beating that the body is receiving and at the end Mr. Robot earnestly says he only wanted to take the punches for Elliot, nothing more. Elliot falls against him, tearful and whimpers out "Thank you" before we are given the flashback of the day Edward picked up 9 year old Elliot from school after the fight and confesses his leukemia.

For the record, my heart swells every time I see Mr. Robot acting as a protector.

So, let's talk S2E9 and the "blending" incident.

Blending is what happens when two parts/alters are co-conscious and are present enough that they are sharing control of the body. It's an uncomfortable experience. Co-Consciousness means that more than one part/alter is actively perceiving the world at any given time.

It's more complicated than binary yes/no. Every one of these experiences exists on a spectrum and no two people with the condition experience it quite the same way but there are levels of presence that one has.

The following is me talking more from anecdotes and personal experience than textbooks. I like to be clear when I'm not being academic because I do not want to spread misinformation in my arbitrary analysis of TV shows that will get 20 notes on Tumblr Dot Com.

Front is to be driving the body, to have your inner monologue playing (if you have one, most people do, but it's not a given) and have your emotions interact with the nervous system if you are grounded enough to feel your experiences. As I said, it's a spectrum. Everyone gets dissociated at times and can just go into auto-pilot or a trance. That all still counts as being in front.

To be conscious but not front is to exist in an emotionally reactive state. If Fronting is driving then co-consciousness is to be in the passenger seat.

It's truly difficult to describe and my therapist doesn't even fully comprehend it despite her being the one who educates me on these topics. Presently as I type this I can only feel one of our system (5 parts) active and "with" me right now. She's not speaking but she's reacting. I can feel her apprehension to us typing this much about our personal life, little flits of paranoid thinking that we'll get anon-hate or that people from our former life will see this and judge us. It's a presence and exists on a gradient. She's "awake" right now but I do not consider her fully "co-con" because if I asked her to tell me what she thinks about this sentence I can feel an emotional reaction (apprehension) but not a direct answer akin to "I think you should edit out references to our journal and focus on talking about the show" (which is what I imagine she would say right now). That's the spectrum.

Closer to the front a part/alter is the more direct communication happens.

There's also "asleep" and "dormant" when they are unresponsive. Pretty self explanatory. Elliot's system has 5 parts(plus "friend") and until Season 4 we only really see Mr. Robot and the main character version of Elliot. Magda and Young Elliot show up in hallucinations in Season 1 and Young Elliot is co-con in Season 4. Magda never shows up outside of emotional flashbacks and the inner-world.

So after Elliot and Mr. Robot combine forces (though Mr. Robot is still working with the Dark Army and is trying to move in secret) they have moments where they rapidly switch and cannot keep straight who is fronting at any given time.

There's a scene where Elliot is in another room thinking to "friend" when he hears an argument in the next room and realizes Mr. Robot is in the argument. As he walks in, Mr. Robot is surprised to see that Elliot is aware when he is fronting and he trails off and they switch.

Mr. Robot says that something feels off about how they are acting and that they feel like they're overheating.

A later scene depicts Elliot phasing out mid-conversation on the subway and picturing himself in the next car observing Mr. Robot talking to Cisco while a passenger plays erratic music on a keyboard.

That is such a horrifyingly accurate depiction of something we live with that I was stunned to see it on screen. I've included it in some of my stories that go over living with these experiences but the idea is when we are stressed out, can't keep our head straight and are blended like this we tend to have snippets of music playing over and over in our head. We also get what I refer to as "static" and that seems to be relatable in support groups.

A++ for the show depicting something about the DID experience that simply does not get spoken about outside of the spaces of people dealing with it. It was the moment I knew they actually spoke to people who experience this stuff and did proper research that wasn't just media depictions and medical textbooks.

The final part of Season 2's wild ride I want to talk about is the "lucid dreaming" bit.

Mind awake. Body asleep. Mind awake. Body asleep.

This again goes into Overt DID which I cannot comment on as much as covert depictions but the idea is that Elliot trains himself to remain awake when Mr. Robot takes over. We have seen from the blending experience that he is starting to remain when Mr. Robot is active and so he tries to force himself to stay when Mr. Robot is active.

In therapy this would be achieved through trust, communication and awareness. It's said in communities that systems tend to become more overt as they go through treatment as they are able to identify lines, parts can advocate for themselves and there's better understanding of what "self" means for every alter.

In my experience there's also an element of trying to pretend to be consistent and whole. We were coming out transgender when our therapist guided us towards DID diagnosis and there was a lot of tearing ourselves apart because we needed to act in a certain way for our safety and inability to do so put us at risk of being targeted. In accepting our system we have stopped trying to be the same individual and that has lead to a more overt presentation. As I tell my therapist "we need to act out our gender expression anyway. Every action we take is a performance."

That is to say, Mr. Robot has never attempted to maintain the illusion that he is Elliot Alderson (albeit he never identifies himself. He's even surprised to learn that Elliot calls him that) and Elliot doesn't even know he is "The Mastermind".

In opting to remain hidden and conscious he gains a greater degree of control and agency in his situation.

These things get easier as you learn your condition, build system trust and allow yourself to experience that which you feel comfortable experiencing. With the example of the beating earlier, Mr. Robot shut Elliot out and took the beating for him and Elliot resisted but ultimately did not want to be present. In this episode he learns that if he wishes he could have pushed through and been there and experienced everything, albeit as a passenger rather than the driver.

Therapy also teaches how to "go into the back room" to maintain stability. A technique that lets you volunteer to not be involved in a situation. My system all use this whenever I (Dawn) perform erotic intimacy of any kind. They cannot handle the thought of associating with those acts and prior to treatment it would emotionally disregulate our nervous system if parts that couldn't handle the concept were to be present during those moments because parts of me would be trying to dissociate while I am trying to act. It would either trigger a switch, cause blending or make a part shut down and become unresponsive for a large period of time- one of our partners actually discovered our system this way. She saw us shut down during a scene and realized it wasn't just a "mood swing" as we had insisted.

Elliot learns how to intentionally open up and be present when Mr. Robot is active and because Plot happens he is shot and decides to use this skill to close himself off and create a stronger divide between parts.

Season 3: Rejection

If Season 2 was the pair working things out on a chess match where they keep one another in check then Season 3 is after Elliot has tossed the board and decided to shut Mr. Robot out completely.

The arc words are "battling in our own voids", in Season 1 Mr. Robot was always aware of what Elliot was doing but Elliot was unaware of Mr. Robot's actions and in Season 2 they were fairly co-conscious to the point of overheating. Season 3 the connection is shut down. Mr. Robot has no concept of what Elliot is doing and Elliot no concept of what Mr. Robot is doing.

This goes back to the Overt/Covert thing mentioned at the start. It's a rare thing even within a rare disorder to have that level of amnesia barriers between parts and so I can't really comment on accuracy. It's a frustrating season for me in that regard because Season 2 was doing so well at depicting something that I have lived through that going back to Fight Club tropes was fairly disappointing to me.

Season 3 is great by the way. It's a debate on if 3 or 4 is the best but it's close enough that there is a debate.

The real meat of the discussion, spare for the events of the final episode where they reconcile, is in how other people treat them and talk about their condition.

Angela Moss is Elliot's childhood best friend and also lost a parent to the disaster that claimed Edward Alderson's life. She discovered Elliot's condition during his breakdown in S1E8 and was brainwashed by the show villain Whiterose in S2E11 (I have a write-up of the psychological principals at play with the brainwashing here).

In Season 3 she acts as Elliot/Mr. Robot's handler and is responsible for helping Mr. Robot continue his hacktivist terrorism without Elliot finding out. She betrays Elliot and exploits his condition. She also tells people about it without his knowledge or consent, which is pretty fucking monstrous in my eyes.

Don't out a person. Just don't do it.

When Mr. Robot asks how she can tell who she's talking to she responds "Your eyes. You're never trying to look away." which is accurate enough that I messaged my girlfriend to be sappy and grateful towards her as the first time she noticed our condition she told me it was our eyes.

From a 2022 IM chat, shared with permission:

"it's ... well, it's [...] your eyes soften, kind of, when going to Cammie. Dawn has this piercing gaze, like she's looking right into my heart and soul. Camden is just very alert, noticing so many things but not the level of piercing. Cammie... her gaze is softer. More focused, but in a ... drinking everything in, rather than seeking it out sort of way"

and added today when I asked for permission to share the quote:

"(for the record, Craig draws his eyebrows down in a particular way that makes his gaze intense in a good way)"

The show works as hard as it can to never let the audience wonder who they are seeing on screen at any time. Most scenes where Rami Malek is depicting Mr. Robot it is a brief perspective view to remind us what the other characters are seeing before switching back to Christian Slater playing the character. There are a few scenes which involve Rami playing the character for a full sequence. One is the context for a flashback where we see a scene Slater performed through another character's eyes where they see Malek.

The others usually involve us being in Darlene's perspective to highlight her unease and uncertainty of what is happening with her brother.

The only scene where it is ever treated as a surprise is when Darlene plants a bug on Elliot's computer while staying overnight and is roughly interrogated by "Elliot", only to realize midway through the conversation "Jesus. It's you".

The camera cuts back to reveal it has been Mr. Robot the entire scene. They avoid that trick throughout the show so it has large impact when it actually happens.

I feel like that scene (as well as the scene where Elliot wears the real Mr. Robot jacket and gives birth to the 2 Stage plan to take down Evil Corp) are important for reminding that no matter how differently Malek and Slater play their roles, to an outside observer they are the same person and when he acts "out of character" it could easily just be an emotional outburst.

Incidentally you can see the physicality of the acting if you go back and watch it again.

The end of the season has Elliot, betrayed, alone and terrified for the safety of his sister; finally reach out to Mr. Robot and open a dialogue.

He even goes out of his way to have this discussion on the Ferris Wheel at Coney Island both as a Season 1 callback and as a sign of trust. Elliot admits in this conversation that he missed Mr. Robot while he shut him out and wants him to be part of his life and in the season finale Mr. Robot says that he wants the two of them to keep talking.

Elliot also finds out that the window incident wasn't his dad pushing him out of a window. They jumped. Elliot asks in a kind and soft way to Mr. Robot, representing both his protector and an element of the loving father he wished he had, "did you know?"

Mr. Robot, the one who jumped. The one who wanted to protect Elliot from Edward says nothing. But he finally feels an alliance form with Elliot.

The road to healing finally has opened.

Season 4: Integration and Fusion

So let's address the elephant in the room right away. The show uses the word "real" to describe the Elliot who existed before the show started and considers him to be the only legitimate alter. There is enough wiggle room within the show to think that is in-universe ignorance but the show does nothing to prevent the fumble at the finish line.

I want to say upfront and before I start dissecting this season that outdated models of DID believed that there was a crack formed in a person's sense of self and that healing involved restoring the identity prior to the crack.

This is 100% UNTRUE and it upsets me that people once believed it. DID is formed in childhood during a time of a person's life (between ages 4-9) where the child is taking in data from their surroundings and integrating it into their socialized survival mechanics to form a personality. The child is working out what traits it can exhibit to receive nurture, care and protection from other humans and will adapt to those processes. Attachment Theory goes into greater detail about how this relates to the formation of psychological disorders, especially personality disorders.

For a traumatized child they will find that their environments do not offer consistent and reliable safety and thus they are unable to adapt to a version of their reality where they are able to maintain stable safety. This may be horrifying forms of physical, emotional and sexual abuse placed upon a child and is often depicted as such but it can also be a confused child trying to get affection from a cold and distant parent or having a parent who abuses alcohol and becomes inconsistent in their ability to give affection and care. Child psychology is a heavy and depressing field, sadly.

The result is that the child never forms a permanent sense of identity. This is a large factor in the formation of Borderline Personality Disorder and is why DID and BPD are so often thrown together within medical treatment and diagnosis. It's at the point of which when my therapist gave me our diagnosis she presented a clinical list of "myths" regarding DID and "BPD is the same thing as DID" was 5 on the list of 6.

The point of this detour is to say that there is no original self. A person who has DID never managed to form a stable sense of identity in childhood and thus they find themselves acting as chameleons in their day-to-day life, adapting to what they feel they need to become in order to receive the things they need from their surroundings. It's why there is a stigma in the BPD community over the concept of being "manipulative". In reality people with that condition are unconsciously adapting to their environment as a survival mechanism. With DID the added layer of dissociation is there to help the self function even when they are forced to interact with materials that are incompatible with their ability to function.

Pre-show Elliot was living a fairly comfortable life but his emotional needs were not met and at the time he was alienated from his sister. He was miserable and lived in a society that he felt was crumbling. His daydreaming gave birth to "The Mastermind" to remove the threats from his reality and Mr. Robot who had been there all along went into Protective Sicko Mode and decided to expedite the process in a way only a protector's morality could.

We'll get into system roles a little later.

The point is that day-to-day life Elliot (Janina Fisher's book "Healing the Fragmented Self" refers to the part untouched by trauma as the "going about daily life" part) is not Real. He is not The Original. Those terms do not exist and are meaningless in this space.

True/Real/Orignal-Elliot is as much a construct as Mr. Robot. He's a version of Elliot who does not have to think about the trauma, he can just live a happy normal life. The kind that Elliot speaks often and derisively about in Season 1.

With that out of the way, I'm going to ignore the bad use of language and talk only about what is depicted on the screen and not said out loud. Because if you remove the misconception about real/original from the mixture, this is a perfect depiction of final fusion model healing.

Season 4 introduces us to the conference table in the inner world. A conference table is a therapeutic technique used in trauma therapy where you bring the alters/parts to a conference. The idea is that it needs to be a neutral ground where everyone is comfortable and able to share their thoughts and ideas. With practice it can be a space one can close their eyes and imagine, seeing their system and allowing communication to happen between parts.

Mine is based on the Minerals Gallery in the Natural History Museum in London. I refer to it as The Library. You didn't need to know that but I didn't want to discuss this section without mentioning it.

Elliot's is the conference room in Evil Corp where he and Tyrell spoke in the first episode.

Interestingly enough there are only 4 seats in this set. I'm not sure what the implication is here as in the scene depicted above Magda (Persecutor Alter) is scolding Young Elliot (Child Alter) for sitting in a chair that isn't his. They mention all 3 alters who are not present (Elliot, Mr. Robot and The Other One).

My thought is that this is the show going all in on the idea that Elliot ("Real") is not an alter and does not take a seat at the table. Which I have issues with.

I'll note as I did with the inner-world that this is a therapy technique and not something Elliot would just have in his mind. It's an accurate depiction of DID treatment but Elliot isn't being treated for DID. Krista is no way near close enough to be able to help Elliot. She's wonderful and deserves the world and more for how she handles things in this season but she's in the pre-stabilization phase of therapy where she knows more than Elliot is willing to accept and needs to wait for him to come around.

Speaking of Krista. Episode 7 is the greatest hour of television rivaled only by Ozymandias from Breaking Bad and the M*A*S*H finale. At present it has a 9.9 on IMDB.

The episode is structured as a bottle episode in way of a 5 act play depicting the stages of grief. This is the episode where Elliot peels back to dissociative layers and understands the truth. The truth of what his father did.

I won't type it.

I don't need to.

The next episode involves Elliot seeing Young Elliot and following him to a museum exhibit with a model of Manhattan. In Season 1 when Elliot had his psychotic break after realizing Darlene is his sister Darlene and Angela checked this location stating it was a place he used to go in times of crisis.

It turns out when he was young Elliot hid the key to his bedroom here to prevent Edward from getting in. All these years later adult Elliot (or "The Mastermind" if you prefer, which I do not) discovers it and has a heart-to-heart with his younger self, screaming into the emptiness that he's sorry for not protecting him. Sorry for letting him get hurt.

The scene is lit in the golden hues that symbolize safety in this show. The final season also takes place during Christmas in New York so it gets to show off that color palette more often which is great for symbolism and aesthetic.

Young Elliot shows that the act of hiding the key from their father was protecting him. It was fighting back. Sometimes surviving is the best you can do and you need to forgive yourself for not being able to do more.

God I love this show so much.

That episode ends with the scene I most want to just overtly show off to an audience.

youtube

I already loved the show. The final episode may have broken my heart a little with its talk of "Real" but this scene? This scene gets it.

Prior to the above video clip Mr. Robot cautiously approaches and says "Hey, kiddo". Something he always says. It's who he is. Regardless of anything else he, Mr. Robot, is designed from the father Elliot wishes he had and when he hears Mr. Robot-- no Edward's voice he tenses up in terror, allowing the above scene to take place with Mr. Robot so scared that he has failed as a protector by allowing Elliot to remember and that he cannot be there for him any longer because of who he is based off of.

Those with the condition commonly create alters who are based on the traits of those in the child's life at the time the symptoms developed. I... have experience.

The lines I want to focus on the most are:

Mr Robot: If I could go back in time and change everything that happened to you... just make it all go away...

Elliot: Then I wouldn't be me... *He turns to finally look at Mr. Robot* ...and I wouldn't have you.

The final arc of the show is where the "Mastermind" twist takes center stage and Elliot enters his inner-world and finds out that he created a peaceful reality for "Real" Elliot to exist in so that he is unharmed by the horrors of the world that is crumbling in reality. Mr. Robot, as a protector, wanted to expedite the whole hack and destruction of capitalism in order to rescue "Real" Elliot from the inner-world prison. In time he came to accept "Mastermind" as a part of the whole and not a rogue alter who was endangering the body and their "Host".

S4E13 lays it all down. An imagined version of Krista speaks directly to Elliot and explains the system and their functions. Mr. Robot a father and protector who could prevent Elliot from intolerable situations. Magda, a persecutor who blamed Elliot for the abuse. Young Elliot, who Elliot could push the traumatic situations on, a common thing that many do unconsciously in CPTSD situations, dissociating from the person the trauma happened to, disconnecting until they are just another version of self.

Elliot then says "I guess she doesn't know about you." referring to us, the audience.

Krista(*) looks into the camera and addresses us directly, calling us the voyeurs who pretend we're not a part of it even though we have been here for it all. She even claims we are on her side in getting "Mastermind" to accept he is a constructed personality who was there to lash out at the society that caused him so much pain.

"You loved him so much you wanted to keep him safe, no matter the cost."

The episode ends with "Mastermind" Elliot waking up in a hospital and reuniting with Darlene only to realize that she has known the entire time that the person we have been following throughout the show wasn't her "real" brother.

...and god damn it I hate this element of the show so much.

I'll accept that they had very little time to clean things up and needed to get a way to have Mastermind agree to the fusion. I'll even demonize Darlene and say she was being selfish and ignorant in saying something hurtful because she missed the version of her brother that existed before Fsociety.

But Our version of Elliot says that he loves her and she doesn't reply. Her disappointment and resignation causes Our Elliot to go back inside and agree to the fusion.

The show ends in a first person perspective of Darlene seeing her "real" brother wake up and that's it. I'm glad we never actually see "Real" Elliot, that feels fitting.

Here's the thing about that last minute fumble though.

Let's talk about Integration and Fusion. They are different things.

Integration is when dissociative barriers come down. The system is stabilized to the point of which the alters are capable of communicating openly, sharing thoughts, memories and experiences and every part has the ability to opt in or out as life goes on.

"Functional Multiplicity" is what happens when a system is in harmony, no memories are being withheld and the system is able to go about everyday life with minimal disruption or disregulation. It is a valid goal for trauma therapy and there's a decent amount of medical stigma around it being used as the goal and not a step towards the goal. Many clinicians prioritize the appearance of normalcy over the function of the individual(s).

Fusion is when you go the extra step and take this communication and sharing of memory and experience and as you tore down the dissociative barriers you tear away the division between parts.

A system is made up of parts that make up a whole person and Fusion is the process of all parts uniting to "become" that whole person. It is a valid and normal goal for treatment. It shouldn't be held up as the only legitimate method of healing but it shouldn't be demonized for being an option. I say this because I have seen some people in support communities get real upset when the topic comes up.

The final sequence of the show, prior to Elliot opening his eyes, involves the system at the inner-world conference table agreeing to go through with it and walking towards a cinema screen. Elliot says this will only work if we go too.

The family (and audience) sit down in the movie theatre and memories flood onto the screen and pour out until all experiences and emotions are shared in one pool and Elliot Alderson opens his eyes with all 5(+audience) alters fused into one.

It was almost perfect if only Darlene hadn't have rejected the "not real" brother.

The cinema screen projecting memories, all the thoughts and experiences being shared as the Alderson System accept their parts in the whole and agree to the process? It was a beautiful visualization of a healing journey.

There are imperfect moments here and there. There are great moments I skipped over such as S3E8 (I'm not up for talking about Self-Deletion today) but all in all it's the best depiction of DID for a main character we'll likely get on TV. It's a whole and complete narrative and I love it so much. It makes me feel seen.

#dawn posting #mr robot #dissociative identity disorder #elliot alderson #did #plurality #domo arigato mr alderson #media myself and i #watch me post my trauma in public #Youtube #media essays

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another-lost-mc · 3 months

Note

AGHJHJJ I NEW BRAINROT FOUND

HAZBIN HOTEL X OBEY ME????

WHAT IF ALASTOR IS FEM!MC'S BFF LIKE REALLY CLOSE THAT PPL THINKS THEY'RE A COUPLE BUT THEY'RE NOT (ig, no one rlly knows) , ACKKKK HOW DOES THE OC'S THINK ABT IT

LETS BEGIN

I'M GONNA MAKE YOU TAKE THIS TWELVE INCH DI—

THE BRAIN ROT IS REAL! Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel are both amazing in their own ways.

I've thought about a HH x OM crossover before and I treat it the same way I do the other demon/hell-based crossovers with selfships/characters I like. I could go into a whole tangent about integrating those different power structures into the existing OM universe but I should probably leave that for another post.

Anyway!

Let's pretend that Alastor has a similar rep in the OM universe as he does in Hazbin Hotel - he's charismatic and mysterious, yet the rumors about his ruthless and power-hungry nature are alarming at best and terrifying at worst. He can be quite monstrous, like any proper sinner demon should be.

Of course, the rest of MC's acquaintances/friends/lovers would be concerned if MC suddenly started hanging out with a demon like him. Alastor is kind to MC - too kind, perhaps. Why is he suddenly interested in befriending a random human like MC, when he could just as easily try to win Solomon's favour instead? It's all very suspicious at the beginning, but the more time they spend together, the worse it seems. MC doesn't understand why their other friends don't like him no matter how much they reassure everyone that their impressions of Alastor are wrong or misguided.

Even if Alastor's motives for being close to MC are platonic only, the other demons in MC's social circle still question whether or not he can be trusted.

KARASU: Alastor doesn't like TV and I can't see him liking the D.D.D. or internet technology either. He might use it sparingly if necessary, but I think he'd prefer to remain disconnected from it as much as possible. He probably doesn't even have his own D.D.D. and that makes it more challenging for a tech-savvy demon like Karasu to learn about him or monitor his activities. He'd be extremely suspicious of Alastor befriending MC, especially since Alastor rarely uses the D.D.D. to communicate, but he doesn't know how to articulate his concerns without potentially upsetting MC in the process.

AZRA & ZEE: They've done horrible things in the past and they know all of the Devildom's most dangerous demons. The thought of MC spending time with Alastor bothers them both. Azra can be just as charming and lays it on thick when Alastor's around. The Fall even plays jazz music from the human world as a novelty event when Alastor and MC visit together. It's all a pretense to be a gracious host even though both demons know their smiles and friendly platitudes are acts they put on for MC's sake.

While Azra is doing his job and actually running his club for once, Zee's solution to the Alastor problem is more covert. He spends a lot of time monitoring MC when they spend time with Alastor in the Devildom. He also tries to track Alastor when MC isn't present, but the Radio Demon is more cautious when he's alone. He's a slippery demon to spy on, and Zee suspects he knows he's being followed.

TENEBRIS: He's one of the OCs that doesn't really hide his dislike of Alastor. He downplays it a bit for MC's sake, but he makes it perfectly clear that he's not buying whatever wholesome BFF act that Alastor is trying to sell. Alastor thinks all of MC's other demon friends are ridiculous to treat him the way they do - not that he blames them exactly, but it gets tiring dealing with their antics. Tenebris is one of the few demons that warns Alastor directly that he'll regret it if he should ever do anything to harm MC. He has the Prince's favour to protect him from potential consequences and the magical strength to follow through with his threats. Alastor actually respects him more for that, and he might consider whether or not some sort of deal with the wayward mage might be beneficial to him in the future...

#jes.replies #jes.oc asks #my oc: karasu #my oc: azra #my oc: zekhan #crossover: om x hh

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writingmochi · 24 days

Text

ｌｏａｄｉｎｇｉｎｔｅｒｆａｃｅ．．．

you've found a discovery: cinema experience

lissie: greetings! not going to lie, i didn't expect to achieve this milestone in the quick manner that it is (shout out to laurel hell for that like i still am baffled). thank you for taking a chance in reading the fics, giving it a like, giving a reblog and/or comment, and for following the blog. as with the other discoveries found, i'll be sending back to the community and what is not a good way to do that by hosting an open collab for writers who write for ateez, txt, and/or enhypen.

what is cinema experience?

from the youthful stories of call me by your name, to the adventures in star wars, the horror depths of friday the 13th, to the exuberant tales from the princess bride. here is the cinema experience.

cinema experience is a fic collaboration project centred on adapting stories from cinema and creating your own twist and take on it. so, any movie you want to adapt, from the indie to the blockbusters. to the oldies and the newest. give it a twist to your liking, a horror version of the breakfast club with hongjoong in mind, or lost in translation with a sci-fi twist for sunghoon.

this collab is open for anybody that wants to / is writing for ateez, txt, and/or enhypen and will last until the end of 2024. if you decide to join in, your name will be listed on this post.

if you are interested in joining, the guidelines will be below the cut:

guidelines:

this project is for ateez, txt, & enhypen fics

the fics can be either reader insert x idol or oc x idol (no idol x idol pairing)

minimum word count is 1000 (1k)

though i love timestamps, headcanons, drabbles, and reactions, this project is for full-length works only.

plagiarism is extremely prohibited, especially if you are plagiarizing existing works. believe in yourself that you can create something great!

smut and suggestive are allowed but no smut for jungwon and no suggestive and smut content for niki (as per following my blog's guideline)

all written works will be added to a masterlist that i'm making by the end of the year (december 31st, 2024)

if you want to join:

reblog this post with your member of choice and the movie your fic will be based on

tag your work with #discovery: 400 or tag me @/writingmochi when you are have posted it so i can put you in the masterlist!

the groups and the movies:

ATEEZ

@/writingmochi | san | wall-e (2008)

@pyeonghongrie | hongjoong | the phantom of the opera (2004)

@fureastel | yeosang | robin hood (1973)

@hotteoki | yunho | to all the boys i've loved before (2018)

@prodsh00ky | mingi | pirates of the caribbean franchise

TXT

@/hotteoki | beomgyu | spirited away (2001)

@/writingmochi | soobin | bridge to terabithia (2007) and tigers are not afraid (2017)

ENHYPEN

@/writingmochi | jay | fallen angels (1995) and millennium mambo (2001)

lissie: i'll be looking forward to reading your works! once again, thank you so much for the milestone <3

our other discoveries:

discovery: 300 send me a fake fic title and i'll make the premise for you!

discovery: 100 ask me questions about my wips and/or writing process!

#ateez imagines #txt imagines #enhypen imagines #ateez smut #enhypen smut #txt smut #ateez scenarios #txt scenarios #enhypen scenarios #ateez fluff #txt fluff #enhypen fluff #ateez angst #txt angst #enhypen angst #kpop #collab call #writing collab #milestone of the moon

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worldunbent · 3 days

Text

a difference between the experience of reading the natsuyuu manga and watching the anime which is only interesting to me is that there's no distinction between special chapters and regular ones in the anime. the reason i find that interesting is that the specials are, so far in my reread, the only chapters that spend any time completely outside of natsume's POV. when we see other characters' perspectives in regular chapters, it's typically part of an extended monologue or a memory being transmitted to natsume, so we're still not really leaving his perspective. the only times we leave his POV are when he's physically not present in a scene, and in those instances we usually don't get any narration or interior monologue from the other characters.

tanuma in "a suspicious visitor" is the only exception i can think of off the top of my head, though i'm sure there are others i'll get to and just don't remember at the moment. the scene between matoba and ban at the end of the homura arc, for example, is outside of natsume's POV by necessity but is pure dialogue with no interior narration because these are not characters to whom we have that kind of access! (for more on matoba's elusive subjectivity see sp15, says tumblr user worldunbent.)

the special chapters jump all over the place; so far i've gotten to chapters from the perspectives of little fox, an unnamed youkai, nyanko, tanuma, and hinoe (although hinoe's chapter is framed as a story she's telling natsume, so it could have fit in a regular chapter). they have a separate numbering system from the regular chapters, are much shorter, and almost always come at the end of volumes*. in the anime, however, there's absolutely nothing to distinguish the episodes adapting the specials from the ones adapting regular chapters other than the POV shifts, which gives anime-only viewers a very different impression of how the series approaches character interiority. i don't think there's anything wrong with this as an adaptation move and it's pretty much necessary, but it's just notable because in a series that's all about how people see the world differently, the choice to make such a distinction between chapters in the protagonist's POV and chapters from everyone else's POV is a significant one.

the reason i'm paying so much attention to POVs in this reread in the first place is because i've been listening to the podcast media club plus and jack, who is pretty new to anime, keeps pointing out the constant perspective shifts in hunter x hunter and the other hosts are like, "yeah, that's normal." this post from another listener expands on how and why it works as a genre norm in shonen battle anime/manga specifically. so now i'm just cursed to be hyperaware of POV shifts in anime/manga, and given that the three series i'm reading/watching at the moment are hxh, dungeon meshi, and natsuyuu, natsuyuu really stands out in how rarely it leaves natsume's head in the regular chapters. i guess i need to go read some more shoujo for a larger sample size lol

*i have a chapter spreadsheet 🤓 and the exceptions to this are sp18, which is just stuck in the middle of v22, sp20, which is the second-to-last chapter of v24, and sp21, which is the first chapter of v25. i understand the placement of sp20, which is "intermission detectives" and makes sense to have as an break between regular chapters, but i'll have to figure out what sp18&21 are doing when i get to them.

#i think as i get to more plot-heavy arcs with more characters there will be some POV shifts within regular chapters #but either it hasn't happened yet in what i've reread or i haven't noticed lol #natsuyuu.txt #the conversation between ban and matoba is fun to me because it's one of those only times in a regular chapter #that the reader gets access to concrete information that natsume doesn't have #there are definitely other moments like this such as the locked room in the miharu arc #but that's more about characterization and vibes.#after 100 chapters midorikawa is finally like you can have some dramatic irony. as a treat.

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literallykenmaandshoyo · 1 year

Text

I'll Know

Tendou Satori x Female!Reader

Warnings: Language, outdoor blowjob, creampie, cum swallowing, oral (male and female receiving), lots and lots of praise!! I wrote Satori as reader's first intimate partner! Just smutty smut smut smut lolol

Word Count: 3.3k

Author's note: Oh my god, it's been so so long since I've posted a fic on here this is insane. College and life have been so so hectic and I completely forgot about the page Mod Kenma and I made :,) Mod Kenma is so good with keeping consistent and everything on here and I'm going to try and do the same since I've found myself writing with them a lot more now! I'm so sorry for the long hiatus, but I wrote this fic a couple of weeks ago and thought it would be a nice way to start my comeback! I hope you all know that you're more than welcome to request anything from me, just make sure you specify that you want it written by me haha! I hope you enjoy the smut, I had so much fun writing it!!

I'd love to hear everyone's feedback on this, so don't hesitate to let me know on how I can make things better or if you enjoyed it!

~Mod Shoyo <3

The bright lights of Shiratorizawa’s gym hurt Y/N’s eyes as she walked inside. Today, the volleyball club was going to be hosting a late night practice. Normally, Friday nights were reserved for date nights between Y/N and Satori, but she never ever minded coming to watch Tendou practice. There was no hiding how she really felt about watching him practice.

It got her going.

Something about her tall, lanky boyfriend sweating his ass off playing sports just did something to her. She was well aware of this feeling and found it slightly funny every time Satori tried to push practice to the side for her. “Now, why would you do that, ‘Tori? Volleyball is your passion. I really don’t mind staying for a couple hours to watch you and then getting to hang out with you after!”

Tendou always appreciated Y/N so much more when she said things like that. Little did he know that he was only fueling her drive to chase him. To jump his bones the second that he was finished with his practice. Tonight was no different. Y/N came waltzing into the gym in her black t-shirt dress, her eyes darting across every single body she saw to search for her boyfriend. The second that Tendou noticed her, his posture stiffened and he made a bee-line straight towards her.

“Well, look at you in that black dress of yours,” Tendou flirted, his tone light and playful but his voice was resting in a deeper part of his throat. “Don’t you look delicious.”

Y/N blushed and stood on her tippy toes to kiss him. He smirked against her kiss and brought his right arm around her waist to pull her close to him while his other arm carried his water bottle. The second they pulled away, she could already feel herself getting riled up. His normally spiked up hair was sitting slightly damp now. Most of it was still intact, but some of the front strands were sticking to his forehead, absolutely drenched in sweat.

“How’s practice going, baby?” Y/N smiled, her eyes too focused on his sweat than his actual ruby orbs.

“Coach had us do some punishments because Goshiki didn’t receive a ball correctly,” Tendou tossed a look over to Goshiki who was cowering in a corner, gripping a ball tightly in between his hands cursing himself. “Other than that, It’s going pretty average.”

Y/N smiled and nodded her head. “Well, go knock ‘em dead baby, I’ll be right here watching!”

Tendou grinned from ear to ear and stooped down to press one last kiss to her lips. As Tendou turned on his heel to start running back, Y/N leaned forward and laid a harsh slap on his ass to motivate him. Tendou turned slowly with a smirk and walked back towards her. He towered over her like a skyscraper, looking down on her with the most shit-eating grin she’d ever seen.

“My turn.”

Before she had any time to think, Satori's hand was unleashing the most pain-inducing, heartstopping, panty dropping slap on her ass. She yelped and listened to the sound echo throughout the gym. His palm remained on her right cheek, she could feel his fingers curl up and feel around. He jumped slightly, then leaned down to get his lips right next to her ear.

“You dirty girl,” He whispered huskily. His voice sent shivers down her spine and she could feel the heat between her legs growing. “No panties huh? And were you thinking about telling me?” Y/N gulped and turned to the side slightly.

“It was supposed to be a surprise after practice.”

Tendou hummed. He turned on his heel once more and walked away. His shoes squeaking against the gym floor slowly dissipating gave her the ‘okay’ to finally relax. Y/N made her way over to one of the courtside benches and took a seat. With her legs crossed, she let her eyes linger on her red-head boyfriend.

The middle blocker was working overtime tonight. His guesses were on point, every single possible hunch he could have had about a spiker’s decisions were completely right. She could only imagine the type of psycho-analysis that was going on in his head right now, how meticulous he had to be in order to block everyone on the other side of the net.

She was wrong.

Tendou was on his game because he knew that she was watching him. He could feel her eyes lingering on him, only paying attention to his movements and no one else’s. Who was she, to sit on that damn bench with no panties on in front of all of his teammates. He could only imagine the juices that were marinating in her cunt right now, he was salivating at the thought of it. His hunger was only fueling his movements, a snide smirk resting on his face.

One of the managers rushed around giving all of the players’ some towels to wipe themselves off. Once Tendou was handed his own, he turned slightly and noticed Y/N had taken some extra interest in watching him. He scoffed and pressed the towel against his forehead and neck, wiping off all the remnants of his hard work. Y/N licked her lips and didn’t let her gaze falter for a second. Tendou’s legs carried him over towards his girlfriend once more. His aura was radiating pure starvation. He couldn’t even keep eye contact with her for more than a millisecond before letting his eyes drop down to her crossed legs. He could feel himself get hard just knowing that he was the only one that got to spread those legs. To see what was beyond her gorgeous thighs.

He tossed the towel at her nonchalantly. “Hold this for me, would you baby? Just a little while longer.”

Y/N was quick to catch the towel and let it rest in her lap. She could feel herself getting warmer, at this point she started to regret not wearing underwear. She knew that she was going to spill the juices that Satori claimed as his all over the floor once she stood up, but for right now. At this very moment. She could care less. Her mind was turning into mush, and it didn’t help that Tendou would toss her looks in between practice sets.

Her pussy was aching. Tendou had been her very first intimate partner, and she loved the idea that her pussy was molded into a hole that fit his dick perfectly. She was growing more restless by the second, counting down each second that went by that Tendou wasn’t rearranging her intestines. Finally, like a bright light shining down from the heavens, practice was called to an end and everyone started to pack up the equipment and their things. Once everyone was finally done with their chores, Tendou slowly made his way back to his girlfriend.

“Can I see that towel in your lap, pretty girl?” Tendou grinned, holding his hand out in front of her. She nodded and dropped the towel into his palm. “Thank you darling~”

As Tendou wiped his face again, Y/N was fuming. Her entire body was quivering with nothing short of pure lust for Satori. And the worst part of it all, was she knew that he was teasing her. He was dragging his feet when he walked, he was taking his time to get each individual bead of sweat off of his face, he knew that she was dying for his touch.

“Alright baby, let’s go. Are you ready?” Y/N didn’t give him any time to change his mind. She was off the bench and ready to go with her purse at the sound of his voice.

Tendou chuckled and draped an arm loosely around her shoulders, pulling her close to him as he slung his duffel bag over his left shoulder. They had finally made it outside the gym. Sure, they only took one step outside, but Y/N was practically dizzy with how much fresh air was hitting her face right now. Before they could walk any further, Tendou stopped them both in their tracks.

“Oops! I forgot my jacket on the bench, I’ll be right back love,”

Y/N was fed up. She was seething, begging to be touched and he kept setting them back. She looked to her left and noticed a corner that the lights weren’t hitting. She moved into the shadows and waited patiently for Tendou’s figure to walk out the door. After watching most of his teammates leave with their bags and set off on their journey’s back home, Y/N was ready to get what she wanted.

The second she could smell his after-practice musk, she grabbed hold of his arm and yanked him into the corner with her. Tendou looked down at her with a cocky smirk and raised an eyebrow. “And what’s this about?” She looked up into his fiery ruby orbs and made no sound.

Her fingers grabbed hold of the band of his practice shorts and looped a finger into the band of his briefs before using all the strength she had to yank them down his legs. His cock sprung to life before her very eyes and she found some sort of relief in knowing that he was just as worked up as she was. She licked her lips and nearly drooled at his feet just at the mere sight. His tip was swollen, his shaft curved upwards, it was a gorgeous sight to see. Tendou gulped before finally speaking.

“Suck it.”

Y/N had already gathered up all the spit she could in her mouth. She spat onto his cock and didn’t even bother to start to stroke him. She took his entire dick in her mouth and felt his tip hit the back of her mouth. She had no strength to push her legs together anymore and slowly just let them spread apart. Her knees were starting to burn from the small rocks and pebbles that had littered the sidewalk, but she was too busy drowning in her horniness to care. The guttural groan that left Tendou’s mouth as she deep throated him was enough to send her over the edge. Her head was bobbing up and down his shaft, her lips gliding across his drenched cock.

“Fu-fuck baby. Take this cock like a good girl,” Tendou sighed heavily. “Fuck, you suck me off so good baby.”

The words of encouragement egged her on, pushing her to grip whatever wasn’t covered by her mouth with her hands and begin to stroke while she sucked. Tendou nearly banged his head into the wall from the immense pleasure that took over him. He was trying so hard not to cum down her throat as fast as he wanted to. Y/N knew that he was holding himself back, but she didn’t bother to berate him or tease him for it. What mattered was that she had his cock in her mouth and she was going to swallow every last drop of cum he had to offer.

She could feel him twitch in her mouth, every vein that was ready to burst getting eased with the coolness of her saliva. She deep throated once more and felt some pre-cum slide down her tongue. She pulled her mouth off of his dick, still stroking him with one hand while she popped his cleanly shaven balls in her mouth. Tendou clamped a hand over his mouth to try and prevent the loud groan that fell from his lips; even covered by his hand his moan was loud enough to get some stares.

Y/N moved back up to eye-level with his cock and spread her hot mouth all over it once more. She bobbed her head as fast as she could, feeling his dick twitch faster than before. It wasn’t until Tendou’s sweet groan entered her ears that she realized he had painted the back of her throat with his cum. She pulled herself off of his dick for the last time, snot falling from her nose, tears falling from her damp eyelashes and down her swollen cheeks.

Tendou looked down and moved her loose hair out of her face, watching her tongue fall out of her mouth still covered in his cum. Within a second, she swallowed whatever of his load was leftover in her mouth and let her body slump. Tendou noticed her relaxed nature and immediately lifted her up into his arms.

“Don’t think this is over. I’m going to fuck the shit out of you when we get back to my dorm.” Y/N laid in his arms completely lifeless, her mind still only focused on the pleasure she had given her boyfriend just now.

She had no concept of time, or even realized how much time she had taken to suck him off outside of the gym, but none of it mattered. It wasn’t until he threw her onto his bed that she snapped back to reality. Her hair was a mess, her face was flushed with a red color, her legs could barely stay closed. Tendou was huffing, heavily breathing as he threw his shirt over his head and tugged his boxers down once more. He didn’t bother to take Y/N’s dress off. What was the point if he had easy access anyways?

“I’m going to fuck the shit out of this pussy,” Tendou growled, pressing lazy kisses to the sides of her neck. “My pussy.”

Y/N’s ears were ringing. The second she felt his lips on her neck her entire body went into shock. She felt so sensitive, anywhere he touched immediately made her quiver. She wanted to take every piece of clothing off of her, she felt like she was roasting in 100 degree summer heat. Tendou’s long, slender fingers wrapped around her knees and yanked her legs apart. His eyes widened and he stared at her glistening pussy like it was a gift given to him by god. And it was. Tendou licked his lips and fell to his knees. He gripped the backs of her legs and pulled her to the edge of his bed, her pussy right in his face.

He wasted no time in diving his tongue in between her folds. The tip of his tongue flicked her clit before gathering up some of her wetness like a spoon. He was eating her up like a starved man, smacking his lips and burying his face in her. Her noises were enough to wake up every single member of his team in the building, but that was the least of his worries. He had a cunt, shining with pure excitement under the lights right in front of him, and it was all his. His dick was so painfully hard and he wanted nothing more than to just slam it inside of her, but she was dying to suck him off, and he would be lying if he said that he wasn’t dying to feast on her pussy.

“Te-Tendou, please,” Y/N whined. “Please just fuck me, I-I can’t take it anymore.” Her words stopped his actions. She whined from the loss of friction and his swift motions.

He stood up and wiped his mouth of whatever juices she left on his lips. He had never heard anything more sexy than her pleads for him to fuck her in all his life. He smiled from ear to ear and came down to press his lips onto hers. “Whatever you want, baby. Your wish is my command.”

Tendou lined himself up with her entrance. He slowly started to push his tip into her. Once just his tip had been swallowed by her cunt, he grabbed hold of her hips tightly and bucked his hips so hard into hers that she nearly screamed. The harsh slap of his balls slapping against her skin made a clapping noise, and he started to pound into her like his life depended on it. The sound of her loud moans only fueled him to keep drilling his cock into her. He leaned down and buried his face in her chest, loving the feeling of her tits bouncing in his face. He pulled himself out of her and lifted her into his arms. He sat down on the edge of his bed and sat her on his lap. Y/N got the picture and quickly slammed herself onto his dick.

“God damn, Y/N. Ride this dick, take this dick like a good girl.”

Y/N sank her teeth into his shoulder as she bounced up and down on his cock. She could feel the coil in her stomach slowly unraveling with every slap their sweaty bodies made. She pulled her face out of his neck to see that his eyebrows were furrowed, the groans leaving his mouth nearly making her cream on their own. Tendou grabbed a fistful of her hair into a makeshift ponytail and held it up for her, the breeze that hit her neck sending goosebumps down her hot skin.

Tendou could feel that she had gotten tired of picking herself up, his hands moved down to her hips and gripped them so hard that she was sure his fingers would be bruised into her skin. He held her up and thrusted as fast as he could, his balls slapping against the bottom of her ass with every move. Y/N dug her nails into his back, sure that she drew blood with how hard she was holding him.

She lowered herself back down onto him once more and simply served as a hole for him to fuck himself with. He moved her at his own tempo, lifting her body up and down his cock with the strength he had. Her legs quivered and she could feel herself getting close.

“To- Tori, I’m gonna,” She couldn’t even finish her sentence before it was drowned out with the harmonious sounds of their moans joining together.

“Let it go love, cream all over this cock for me.” Tendou practically yelled through clenched teeth.

Within seconds, both of their moans joined together once more for a grand finale. Y/N’s body fell limp, her bare chest resting on top of his. Tendou was still twitching inside of her, his hands coming up to caress her back lovingly. After a few minutes that way, Y/N finally sat up to pull herself off of his dick. The sight she was met with nearly made her want him to fuck her again, but she was far too tired.

Satori’s ruby eyes focused on her pussy as she pulled herself off. Strands of their combined cum looked like strings holding their two bodies together. Y/N relaxed and Tendou could see a cluster of his cum slide out of her pussy and down the sides of her legs.

Tendou reached into his drawer and grabbed some cool wet wipes to clean themselves off, he handled his lover with such care, feeling her jump every time he brought the wipe anywhere near her still sensitive pussy. Tendou moved every article of clothing that sat on top of his covers off and threw it somewhere into the corner of the room. He grabbed Y/N’s waist and pulled her next to him, helping her get under the covers and into his arms.

“That’s probably the best sex we have ever had.”

Y/N nodded, barely able to catch her breath. “I feel so much better now,”

Tendou just chuckled and pressed his lips lazily against her own. “I love you baby, with all of my heart. Thank you for always being so devoted to pleasuring me.”

She smiled and pressed a kiss against his lips before nuzzling into his neck. “I love you Satori,”

The two of them yawned, falling asleep within seconds. Satori felt his entire body finally truly relax, and knowing that she would be here in his arms in the morning made his sleep that much better.

He thought to himself that maybe every date night should end like this, but he knew he would never hear the end of that conversation.

356 notes · View notes