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#or like. the people around her are aphobic in ways that feel like they were just there as an excuse for the mc to refute it…..there’s ways y

dootznbootz · 2 months

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Aspec Penelope and Odysseus mean a lot to me and I want to ramble about it as it makes me really happy 🥺

If you don't like, don't read! Someone being aspec or sex-repulsed or sex-neutral is not insulting allos or people who are sexually active!!! And even then, some aspecs ARE sexually active just like these two end up being! This is all headcanon and any aphobes will be yeeted into the wine-dark sea. (semi-inspired by epic the musical but also...not.)

Aspec Odypen!

Both are aspec, demisexual specifically and are just like that. While they ARE Athena's pets, she didn't "make them ace". (It may have influenced why she's fascinated by them alongside their cleverness)

Both have situations that make it somewhat different in how they experience it though. I'll have what they both experience first. (Kind of just explaining what it feels like being aspec in a way, except they're shittier about it) Then Penelope as her's needs less explanation. For once in my life, Penelope isn't the one with the most stuff on her 😭

"Oh that person's very strong! Impressive! Oh, wait, is this supposed to be sexual? ...hm...Alright, I guess."

"Alright, I posed this way and looked at them like this and they seemed more open to this idea. Taking note for manipulation..."

"Goddamnit, I don't want you, I want all that silver 😩"

*sees what takes place during certain events (Symposium-esque event)* "...Yeah, I'm not doing that."

Both are pretty in their own way and use that to their advantage to get the things they want. Both get almost weirdly offended when outwardly flirted with and/or propositioned. Kind of sex repulsed (that changes when with each other but before they never really even think about it as..."What is everyone talking about? What do you mean "needs"?")

Friends? Absolutely!!! Not knowing someone but getting to know them eventually? Yeah! But the idea of only wanting to date or have sex because of appearances genuinely perplexes them both. Also, they weirdly test people and are just straight up weird and picky.

"How stupid and naive can you be to wish to court someone you know so little about? A stranger? I look pretty only to get what I want and that's not you... Yeah, we definitely won't work out. I'm going to rob you to teach you a lesson in how looks can be deceiving. I'm pretty but I'm also shitty."

"...You want to do what?! ...uh, okay... You know, what? >:) I know a place. Yeah, us naiads use it. Yep, just around here. Yes! The water is perfectly safe! Don't worry about the leeches! They're harmless! Completely normal leeches" *Steals their clothes and jewelry and leaves them to the very not-normal leeches.* What? It's not like they died!!! They shouldn't have been so stupid to trust me knowing nothing about me!"

Both also have hubris as their flaw so they also have a very shitty superiority complex about this. Fellow aspecs, don't do this!!! It's not nice!!! These two are both mean and nice and this is one of the ways they're mean. Very "While you were out doing whatever, I studied the blade" bullshit. Also, a "Me being unaffected by beauty makes me better at manipulating. Look at how stupid they get when I look all pretty, Athena. I absolutely made them believe that that was a fair deal!!!" Athena kind of encourages this behavior

Meeting each other is a very humbling experience for them both. They both actually learn that there's nothing wrong with being vulnerable with people, just because THEY'RE likely to mess with you doesn't mean EVERYONE is.

Onto Penelope Specifics

For one thing, Penelope is used to people immediately going nuts over Helen and she doesn't mind having less of the attention. As mentioned before, doesn't happen often but when people wish to possibly date, she tests, then sees "okay, I don't see this happening. I'm going to fuck with you now". She'll also just start doing weird shit in a "you think you can handle me?" way.

Thankfully, Icarius and Periboea are chill AND somewhat overprotective so the footrace usually goes in her favor of "I do not like them." Until Odysseus but you know. She just sees she won't click with most people.

Icarius and Periboea have a pretty happy marriage and she thinks that's sweet. One of her siblings doesn't have a happy marriage sadly and that's a big thing later on but she sees Helen and Menelaus with their childhood sweetheart thing going on and the other nymphs and thinks "Guess that won't be happening for me...I can be a fun river auntie." As she's kind of planning to be dedicated to the rivers fully if she can.

She also was there when Helen got kidnapped by Theseus :'D That does affect her.

Her actually testing him the same way he does when they first meet is part of the reason he falls for her so hard. "You do the same shit I do. Not only that but you were actually able to trick me! Wait, that broach, are you also one of Athena's pets?! And now we're scuttling about the castle basically entirely intuned to exactly what we're gonna do?! Oh, gods, that was so fun! Ugh, be my WIFE! 🥴 Wait, no! Sorry I scared/lied/overwhelmed you! Please give me a chance"

Her not getting a lot of genuine romantic attention has influenced her a little bit though.

She's genuinely pretty but it's in an unconventional way (sharp teeth, weird eyes, "Born in a Creek", etc.) So while at first on Ithaca, she was considered very strange, as naiad ties get better with her influence and people get more used to her, it's a "Oh, shit, she IS pretty." Also, she aged like wine. Why the suitors wanted her (also yeah, "I want to be king") and why she just didn't want them. Ofc, she wants Odysseus but she's also just someone who is usually unimpressed. (as Odysseus is as well.)

Odysseus Specifics

Very much a hopeful romantic. His mom and dad have a very loving marriage, (I want to write a thing on their love story), and knowing how his dad never took a concubine (It literally says he doesn't in the Odyssey). He wants what they have.

"Being with someone who you can be your complete self with, show all the good and the bad to and still loving each other despite it all. That's love."

As someone who is a person of many twists and turns, he desperately wants to find someone to show ALL his sides to.

So first up we have the fact that he blames the fact that he's never felt sexual attraction on the boar scar injury. (Boar Scar Idea Stuff Here) It's easier that way as he doesn't necessarily want to think about himself as being different.

Ancient Greece was fine with Nudity but he, being quite ripped up and "not all there" by the boar, isn't really comfortable with it. People often stare and him, being hotheaded, he's like "What are you looking at? I'll kick your ass!". It's kind of a convenience though because it also makes people leave him alone.

He's had "one relationship" but it was basically just a kiss. He had a one-week romance with Diomedes that ended badly and that's why he's mean to him in the Iliad. They're "exes" and Odysseus holds GRUDGES. (Go into that further here)

Then OdyPen meets each other. >:D

Clarifying this as I know I talk about it a lot with how "Odysseus was in love at first sight" and... YEAH. but also not. It's more of a "This is the fucking best and I KNOW that we'd be incredible together." He chills out a bit as he got that ADHD (they both do) and was all up in his emotions. Other folks with ADHD know when you get too excited and just...become a LOT. It was that. He calmed down a bit and realized he WAS overwhelming her, STILL wants to marry her but isn't in love yet as they JUST MET. And they finally get to know each other more and then he actually falls in love.

Penelope was always somewhat intrigued by him but it was only when he chilled out a bit and let her lay the ground rules of them getting to know each other. And she was in deep denial, then she was hit by a truck when she couldn't deny it any longer.

During the War

He doesn't have any listed concubines (Hecuba was an old woman in her 60s-70s...Be reasonable.) and even in the Iliad, he thinks of Penelope often. And when offered, he threatens or just is passive-aggressive, and eventually people understand that "I wouldn't do that if I were you. He'll probably stab you."

Odypen already give Aspec vibes in the Odyssey but hearing "Man of the House" with Epic and that "She's who I saved my virginity for" was like an "YES! ASPEC!" and yeh :D He wasn't technically "saving it for her", he just never wanted it til Penelope.

Alongside "Done For" a lil bit!

"...I'm not sure I follow... What do you mean by lust? Penelope's not here...oh no..."

Idk makes me happy to write them aspec! 🥺

#Mad rambles #shot by odysseus #my headcanons #I love them so much and it's fun writing them this way!!!#I don't wanna hear shit about historical accuracy. It's my fic!!! I can do what I want!!!#probably messy af but it makes me happy!!!#If someone poses pretty they're thinking “...Is your shoulder sore or something?”#but then when they see each other???#they're so silly #“I haven't lost my virginity because I never lose😤”#Meeting each other and falling in love: “...I'm okay being a loser🥺”#Water Wife

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theguardianace · 5 months

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AROACE POLYSHO ???? SPILL SPILL SPILL TWLL ME ALL ABOUT IT PLEASE

AROACE POLYSHOW AROACE POLYSHOW THE GREATEST THING OF ALL TIME.

things of note that i think are fun.... nene and rui had major questioning phases pre-wxs about being aroace. i'd imagine nene being really confused why everyone around her seemed so interested in dating and romance and the whole amatanormative feel of dramatic media and such. it's in so many plays, and people get in so many shipping wars/draw suggestive art for games. it's hard to ignore as a theater kid and gamer. she didn't get it and felt isolated. she came across the term aroace online but had a hard time accepting that she might be that, but eventually silently embraced it. rui on the other hand knew full well he was not like other people. he's not the kind of guy who would pick and choose a crush that isn't there. being aroace and a middle/high schooler made him feel even more lonely and alienated from his peers. he agknowledged the fact he was aroace pretty easily, but it took him a lot longer to accept that isn't a bad thing at all.

emu and tsukasa had NO clue they were aroace. did not occur to them at all. emu had to be told it was a thing and she went "huh? OHHH THATS ME !!!! :D". skipped teh entire questioning/am i broken stage and went right to "hehehehehehe". (though other people don't believe her that often. emu is so full of love. how could someone like her not fall in love with other people? she's too young. she hasn't met the right person yet. it's just a phase. her siblings started off as ignorantly aphobic, but then realized the fault of their ways and learned.). my hc for tsukasa is a bit different than other peoples, but i am fully convinced he thought he was bisexual for teh LONGEST time. "guys and girls can both be good looking, so i must be bi! yeah the extent of my feelings is "they're cool" ... what do you mean that's not what a crush is". it was a shocking revelation to him that people actually want to kiss/have sex for real. he's accepted being aroace and actively embraces it, though he still feels connected to teh bi label. he'd like the concept of tertiary attraction and probably label as bi aroace, to honor both.

i like to think that tsukasa accidentally came out first (accidentally meaning he simply forgot to tell them and then was surprised when they were all surprised). emu was like !!!!! omg samsies and nene laughed and came out, too. wxs were the first people rui ever said the words "aromantic asexual" out loud to.

i personally think aroace polyshow never actually labeled themeselves as such, but BOY do tehy act like they're all married. they just care about each other soooooo much. its platonic its queer platonic its romantic its everything all blended together. if its them, they can do anything. with the shared knowledge of being aroace, they all also sort of feel more comfortable being openly affectionate, yknow? there's no risk of misinterpretation of intent- they love each other. they love each other in a way that they cannot describe and most people wouldn't understand. they are tied by their love of shows and their love of each other. emu is really physically affectionate and they all feel safe cuddling with her. rui lightheartedly flirts and half the time i dont think he even realizes he's doing it, the other half he's just trying to be silly. nene excels in the silent acts of love, making sure the stage is clean and there's always a few snacks backstage and honeslty just being there for everyone.

they have game night/sleepover every once in a while, usually during planning stages of shows. there's also a high likelyhood one goes to another's house at least once a week for some reason.

oh also they never do romance plays ever. it was a revelation tehy only came to after coming out. it just... never occured to them to do one. and now that they all know none of them can fall in love they actively try and avoid it. they've re-written fables to be about the power of friendship, or re-imagined the tale to the point romance wouldn't even be on anyone's mind. it's not a theme the audience ever picks up on, but at the same time they do? they don't realize the pattern but nobody ever comes out of a show with that interpretation. their shows are a hit every time, too. ("story" doesn't mean "romance", after all).

wonderlands x showtime isn't a romance. it's a love story.

#i LOVE aroace polyshow with all my heart #literally ask me anything about them and i will tell you they are just. mmmmm. theater kids in love none of them can fall in it.#ace answers an ask!

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nothorses · 1 year

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There’s this otherwise-good post going around about not automatically believing the latest dumb yelling about “x trans woman is a pedo/other hurtful lie” but one of the things on there is “claims that they’re a non-binary exclusionist.” And it’s like. Being any sort of binary trans person doesn’t preclude you from being transphobic. This is true of trans men too. Yes you should always verify anything you hear before acting or publicizing/spreading claims but. You don’t get a free pass on calling people theyfabs just because you’re binary trans, and it’s not really on par with calling people pedos or telling lies about how people are secretly bigots. I feel like a certain subset of messages like “this person consistently makes aphobic jokes/ calls people sock or theyfab/ talks about aggro t-bros” that get discarded because the people affected just aren’t considered queer enough to care about.

ngl my first thought with that is that they're probably referring to the Contrapoints/Natalie Wynn stuff.

And like, without getting too into the weeds about it: she has said and done some stuff that very understandably rubs some people the wrong way. She's also made a huge effort to throw her support behind the nonbinary community, created hours of video content discussing and defending nonbinary identity, and has, after these issues with her were brought up, openly apologized for the things she has said that she agrees were poorly-worded/downright hurtful, or even damaging. And she is still framed as a nonbinary exclusionist, imo in no small part because she's a trans woman who made enough of a mistake that a harassment campaign could take hold.

And you're right, binary trans people can be and often are transphobic- and all of the issues you've outlined in this ask are 100% true and correct and important. I don't know the intentions behind the op, I haven't even seen the op, and I don't even know if op knows who Natalie Wynn is.

But like... my point here is just that I think what you're telling me the op said could also be an extremely valid and relevant point, in the right context.

People will use any number of things as an excuse to harass trans women; to use Natalie as an example again, her mentions were full of people accusing her of transmisogyny after she posted a video in which she spent about 10 minutes (of like 90) explaining the unique struggles with transphobia that trans men face.

And trans women can absolutely be transmisogynistic too! But hopefully you see my point here- i.e., that the veracity of an accusation doesn't depend on how often accusations like it are made to hurt marginalized people.

#also to be perfectly honest #as a trans person who has been the subject of a literally years-long harassment campaign w/ associated accusations and horrifying claims #all because I am trans (and wouldn't validate their accusations against another trans person made because he is trans)#I'm a little bit biased in favor of trans people who have been the subject of harassment campaigns.

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acephantoms · 1 year

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Warning: This post will contain spoilers for Netflix’s Wednesday - do tread carefully.

Why I Think Wednesday Addams (particularly this adaptation) is AroAce.

———

Quick Definitions of Terms I’ll Be Using:

AroAce: someone who is on both the Asexual and Aromantic spectrum.

Asexual: experiencing little to no sexual attraction.

Aromantic: experiencing little to no romantic attraction.

Demiromantic: does not experience romantic attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with someone.

Greyromantic: experiencing romantic attraction but very infrequently.

——— Now let’s begin:

So I recently watched Wednesday and absolutely loved it!! I noticed specific things about this Wednesday that made me think she was AroAce. Despite her having feelings for Tyler, the way she acted around these non-platonic relations felt very familiar. I will say though, Tyler and her romance felt very forced (personally), but i digress.

In the first episode, Wednesday expresses to her parents, specifically her mother how she will “never be like her” and wishes to “never marry, or have kids” etc. which already began to intrigue me. An attitude and notion I had from a young age as well (and still agree with). Secondly, while on the drive to the academy, we see Wednesday get increasingly uncomfortable by her parents affection for each other (yes in general it can be gross to see our parents this way, but the nauseous feeling she mentions is relatable).

A Brief Look at Tyler & Wednesday:

A lot of the ways that Wednesday would react to Tyler’s advances in trying to be more than friends, she didn’t really pick up on (such as his attempts to flirt or ask her out). An example being, Tyler outside of the police station talking with Wednesday, “i thought you liked me” - Wednesday has this familiar face of confusion (and realization) that some might call asexual obliviousness (can’t tell when someone’s flirting, thinks their just being nice). At least, it’s familiar to me haha. Even when they do start to consider being more than friends, we see Wednesday sort of still confused by this possible romantic feelings that she hadn’t really taken the time to notice. Since beginning at the academy - She firstly never really had friends until going to the academy, and secondly, upon making friends then began to develop a romantic attraction.

Personally with such evidence that I saw, I would headcanon her as Asexual Demiromantic OR as Asexual Greyromantic. Maybe bias as an Asexual Demiromantic myself, but her character just felt too familiar in her sense of exploring platonic and non-platonic feelings.

Addressing some Misconceptions:

I’ve seen some discourse on here about people either wanting:

1) Enid & Wednesday as a ship

OR 2) to be AroAce.

I think some folks forget that AroAce people can still be in romantic relationships (or sexual relationships) and engage in romantic/sexual activities. Aromanticism and Asexuality have a broad spectrum of identities under their umbrella terms.

Enid, Wednesday, Tyler (and Xavier) thoughts:

I honestly think Enid & Wednesday would make a cute couple!! Tyler & Wednesday were okay, but like i said it felt VERY forced. Not entirely sure if they are trying to set up Xavier and Wednesday but I would like to see more female - male platonic relationships too. Don’t need to always have them in a relationship ugh!! Final reminder: AroAce folk can still be in relationships!! Also you’re valid!! 💗

Anyways,

thanks for reading my little tangent!! /gen

Let me know what you think in the comments!! [Any form of aphobic comments will be removed!] - Using tone indicators would be appreciated!! <3

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c-kiddo · 1 year

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My jaw is on the floor about that reply to your post… even aside from the misogyny, the racism… like there’s a lot to be said about how Yasha’s tribe is depicted in canon and I’m not the person to talk about that but “forced to be savage” just has such anti indigenous undertones… like. Gd. What the fuck. Why would you say that. Also the new design sucks.

[Image ID: An ask from seinnamain, reading: "Feel free to delete this obviously, but the reblog from the aphobe on that domesticated Yasha post makes me so 😬... The tribe forced her to be a "savage"??? That wording is kinda yikes." End ID.]

posting these together since theyre both about the same thing - but , yea. to be honest i was so much focusing on the design aspect that that aspect of their bad take didnt really register in my brain.. but. yea. yous totally have a point. also yea, think its worth talking about the way yasha's tribe is spoken about.. mostly it seems like, unchecked bigotry toward indigenous people and other POC that's been baked into dnd since the beginning.. and like, its not outright, but they should've examined that and thought about the connotations of a "violent tribe".. also, sidenote - i know picts and celtic people stuff where also demonised, but couldve called her tribe a violent brutal clan or something instead, at least it doesn't have a racist, colonialist past behind the idea of a violent tribe. also in yasha's earlier designs she was more celtic inspired rather than based on viking people and scandinavian, so it couldve worked. thats just my idea though. . interested in hearing others for sure :-o

but yea, that person , bad vibes all around. i looked at their blog and there was plenty of shit takes so . lol

edit: i forgot to say, but important to note that in the comic, th majority of leaders in yasha’s tribe appear to be white. it would be worse if they were POC and if they were i would be saying it was racist. because they’re not is why i’m saying it has bad connotations that they should’ve thought about

#asks #also WHAT is with these fuckin people being like .. yasha's been a housewife for sixth months it makes sense she's less buff and is #skinny now. .. .. . like WAHT #do you hear yourself #yous have got to stop watching those stay-at-home girlfriend tiktoks #also muscle mass doesnt go down that quick. also she was never drawn beefy enough anyway #and ALSO do you really think beau (who super wanted to help fjord with a workout routine) and yasha wouldnt be working out ?? ? ?? ?? ? ?#and like. sparring for fun #yasha literally sparred for fun with fjord. with her sword that is 6ft long. she needs to be buff to do that you idiots #honestly. .. .... . .

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stickystarspectrumtroll-ocs · 10 months

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for pride asks: 4,6,7,10,11,12 for everyone, and also 5 for allets, eliote, and maddie T along with 16, 17, 20, and 21 for the creator ones!

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

Luna, her world in general definitely has amatonormativity. Her parents have been as accepting of her aromanticism and asexuality as they have been of everything else about her. The School for Good, not so much. I mean come on, have you SEEN how much revolves around the Snow Ball and finding a date for it? Endless suffering. Constant disgust and frustration beyond words. She's being strangled. Suffocated. She's aboutta set the place on fire.

Jewel, there wasn't really anycreature to judge either way on her island. She got to have a concept of herself there and get fully comfortable in it without any input from anycreature else. In fairness there might've been some degree of amatonormativity in some of the books she read, but somehow it never really got its hooks in her. They'd say "everycreature wants to fall in love" and she's like "DOES everycreature though? *squints*". And there's definitely books she reads where characters are happy to never get married or anything too. The School for Good, as previously mentioned, emphasizes romance a LOT though, which contributes to her being generally uncomfortable there. Oh, and as to gender identity, I'm not sure how aware her world is that nonbinary people are a thing. I'm sure if she tried to explain it to anycreature once she'd fully worked it out, they'd be like "Huh. Okay." but there's still a lot of assumption until told otherwise that everycreature is a boy or a girl, and not a lot of space made for anycreature else. And the School for Good goes VERY heavy on the gender roles and a very stereotypical fairy-tale princess mold of femininity, which she Does Not Fit, so yeaaaaahhhh that along with the amatonormativity contribute to making her very much feel at all times like she simply Does Not Fit there in any way.

Allets, I feel like the Endless Woods in general are not the MOST unaccepting of bisexuality, but I feel like there's still heteronormativity for sure, especially within the School for Good, and of course her parents are homophobic, so. Yeah we got a lot of internalized homophobia here and it takes Awhile for her to fully accept her orientation.

Eliote...Hmm. She was in one environment the first seven years of her life which likely would've been supportive if she came out as queer but it was kinda too early for that to be a concern for her. Then she was in and out of a bunch of different environments for awhile, some of them might've been supportive of queer people, some of them might not've been, some of them might've been in an in-between area, in any case it wasn't really a concern for her then either. Then for several more years her environment was mostly just her on her own. And in those times there were still other things more important to her than thinking about any of this. Then there was the School for Good, which as we've established is heavily cisheteronormative. Figuring out her orientation and doing anything with it still remains Not A Priority for her, but she does know she is Not what that environment wants her to be, so there's a lot of frustration at them trying to cram her into that, like "I am FINE, idiots, leave me be, I swear to frick if you don't LEAVE ME THE HECK ALONE-"

Maddie T and Finley, there's probably cisheteronormativity and amatonormativity in Auradon, and there might be some aphobes, but I think there's a good number of people who'd be accepting too. Maddie T probably got upset when met with any amatonormativity in younger years, but at this point everything bounces off of her and she doesn't give a flying fart either way and just quickly laughs it off and calls it silly. Finley meanwhile is always ready to give somecreature a good lecture on amatonormativity at the slightest hint that it's needed.

Penny, her family is pretty accepting, and I think her school is too. There's still amatonormativity in her world, but it's rarely if ever been very heavily present in her environment. She is fully comfortable and proud being aroace and while she's aware of amatonormativity and knows enough to complain about it and call it out when she sees it, she doesn't directly experience a whole lot of it.

Twig lives in Troll Village which is generally the nicest and most friendly and accepting place ever, I'm pretty sure all queer identities are fully accepted there. Though I feel like they might not entirely be down with her romance repulsion, past a certain age it might be seen as kinda pooping on other people's happiness and she might be encouraged to keep it down a bit. Tbh I also feel like at some point her being exclusively romance-repulsed might evolve to being like, 60% romance-repulsed 20% romance-neutral or ambivalent, 20% romance positive, it varies wildly and shifts back and forth based on a jillion factors, and I feel like a lot of trolls around her would kinda have a hard time wrapping their heads around that, plus she would've been exclusively romance-repulsed for long enough and strongly enough that this would drive her a little nuts herself, and so she'd probably struggle a bunch with all of That. So yeah, her being aroace is never something she feels any shame for or has any difficulty accepting, but her general thoughts on romance in her surroundings and how much of them she can voice would be a struggle.

C.C. and Jasper, I think there's a bunch of queer kids in their school, and I think the place is generally accepting. I don't know if C.C. has talked to her family about her orientation or not, but I think they're down with anything there and will happily accept anything about her. Jasper, his parents aren't around much, and I dunno if he's had the chance to say anything about his bisexuality to them. Maybe he has once or twice, I'm not sure. They'd probably be like "Oh. Okay." There might be a little bit of "he a little confused but he got the spirit" kinda stuff from them, I dunno. As to the servants that watch over him in his parents' absence, they'll mostly kinda just take whatever as it comes. He indicates that he's into men and they're like "okay". I dunno how familiar with the concept of alterous relationships or alterous attraction the people around any of them are. But I think if either of them were to try and explain things related to all that, people around them would generally be like "huh. okay then."

5. How did you figure out your oc's identity?

Allets and Eliote it happened because I realized that while I wasn't going to write them as a ship, I wouldn't mind people shipping them and the concept of them as a ship didn't feel wrong.

Maddie T -- Tbh, I kinda didn't DO non-aroace ocs at the time, I just didn't know how and had absolutely no interest, the thought of ever writing something in which romance was a possibility at all made me want to barf up all my guts. So yeah, she had to be aroace. And that got to be rooted deep enough in my concept of her and got fleshed out in my mind enough over time that nah I wouldn't ever change it.

6. How does your oc feel about labels? Theirs, or in general?

The world that Luna, Jewel, Allets, and Eliote live in kinda doesn't have labels. If they were to find out about labels, like in the whole-oc-squad-lives-together scenarios, Jewel and Allets would be glad to have the language for what they are and what they feel. Luna would be like "oh, there's a word for it? huh. neat-o. if i use this will people leave me alone about the romance thing?" Eliote would be like "huh. cool. okay."

Maddie T really isn't big on labels in general, queer identity related or otherwise, but she likes the puns she can make with the terms "aro" and "ace."

Finley likes labels, it helps her in conceptualizing things, she likes to be able to pin things down in words, she likes to have language to clearly explain things.

Penny likes labels, they can make things easier to understand and talk about at times. She found out the label(s) applying to her and was like "oh wow, this is a queer thing and there's a name for it? cool!"

Twig will be glad for the terms aro and ace, as it might get people off her back about ever doing romance or sex in her life. And yeah, she likes to have language for these things in general.

7. Is there something that could cause your oc to question their identity? What?

Nah, most of them are pretty darn secure in their identities. The only ones who've ever had to question and realize are Jewel, Allets, and Eliote.

For Jewel the realization that she's not entirely cis is spurred on by the environment of the School for Good.

For Allets, realizing or admitting to herself that she's bi gets unlocked once she's learned to feel less ashamed of a bunch else about her. And possibly is also spurred on by the environment of the School for Good.

For Eliote, she will question if and when she Catches Feelings TM for somecreature and only then.

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

Pride doesn't exist in the world Luna, Jewel, Allets, and Eliote are from. But in the oc-squad-all-lives-together scenarios, they do find ways of celebrating pride. They're mostly low-key about it as far as it goes, but Jewel and Allie are down to wear pride colors, Luna and Ellie are down to at least wear pins, Luna will punish any queerphobes she comes across, Ellie will check out some pride month art online and maybe try a hand at a little of that herself, and they'll all take it as a time for some extra pondering and talking about being queer.

Maddie T and Finley definitely go to whatever kind of pride events there are around them. Also wear their flag colors and/or pride pins a bunch. And they talk about it to people more. And Maddie T makes more aro and ace puns. As well as street art relating to aromanticism and asexuality, and possibly queer pride in general. And Finley probably designs and/or sews pride flag color clothing.

Penny likes to dress up in all aro and ace and aroace flag colors and paint the ace and aro flags on her face and if there's any pride parades or other pride events / celebrations she's able to go to then HECK YEAH she's going.

I don't know whether there's need for pride where Twig is, as queerphobia has likely never existed among trolls. But if something like pride does exist, there's gotta be a TON of festivities for it, and I'm sure some of them she'd enjoy.

11. Is your oc open about their identity? Are they more lowkey or more blunt about it? Why or why not?

Luna is definitely open about it. She doesn't usually talk about it except when it's relevant to the subject/conversation at hand, but when it is, she makes her complete disinterest in (and disgust for) romance and sex very bluntly clear.

Jewel will talk openly and frankly about her aroaceness and general thoughts on romance and sex when/as applicable to the situation. Hard to say whether it's "low-key" or "blunt" or whatever when she does, she's not like Luna where it's just like "that stuff's gross, don't get it anywhere near me, the end." she's more like "????? i don't get it????? why would you want to do that?????" I guess you could say she's blunt, because she doesn't really downplay it or try to say it delicately or anything. It's just that the things she has to say are arguably more low-key? I guess? Maybe?

Allets cannot be open about her identity. Homophobic parents and all. I think in the whole-oc-squad-lives-together scenarios she does get to be open about it in time though. She's not the MOST blunt about it there either, but she gets to be not exactly lowkey about it either. She kinda only brings it up when it's either relevant to the situation or something related to it has been especially on her mind, but comes to be able to talk about it then and occasionally joke about it.

Eliote is not particularly open about her identity. She doesn't like to talk about it. She doesn't particularly like to think about it. She just has other things on her mind and doesn't see why she or anycreature else should care to think or talk about her orientation. And if it ever makes itself explicitly known to her she's gonna be Violently uncomfortable about it and prefer to shove that down as much as possible. Might get to a point eventually where she's okay talking about it a little. With those close to her. Eventually.

Maddie T is definitely open about her identity. She'll talk about it whenever relevant. Also make puns about it. I wouldn't say she's "low-key" but I dunno that "blunt" is a good term for it either. As with everything she's prone to saying things in a very nonsensical and roundabout way. But the fact that she's not interested in ever having romance or sex in her life does clearly get across. And I guess she CAN say it more up-front and straight at times too.

Finley also openly talks about her identity whenever relevant. She gives people mini-lectures on amatonormativity whenever they say or do something amatonormative. I wouldn't say she's "blunt" either much of the time, but she's not quite "low-key," I'd describe her most of the time as being like. Plainly factual and frank. Y'know?

Penny talks about being aroace a fair amount. Sometimes it's related to the situation at hand and sometimes she just feels like talking about a related experience she's had. And she'll call out and talk about amatonormativity when she sees it. She's on the blunt side about it. She sees no reason not to be.

Twig is very blunt about her feelings regarding romance and sex whenever those come up in any capacity. And she makes her personal disinterest in them very very plain and clear.

12. Does/did your oc ever wish they could change the way they are? Why? If it's in the past, how did they get over the feeling? (this can be about internalized homo/transphobia)

The only OC with internalized queerphobia is Allets. She's very much internalized from her parents that princesses Are Not Supposed To be gay. She does slowly get over it in time as she slowly gets over the shame about like, everything else about her. With the distance from her parents and the help of her friends.

16. Did you ever change an oc's identity when they were already established? Why?

The idea of Jewel being a demigirl took awhile to occur to me.

17. Do you share identity with any of your ocs? Which ones?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I'm aroace. Luna, Jewel, Maddie T, Finley, Penny, and Twig are all also aroace. XD 😂

20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?

Nah, not really. 😂 ghdrcckm 💀

21. Free ramble card wee

The more I've been writing about Luna, Jewel, Allets, and Eliote for these asks the more I'm realizing how sucky the SGE series was about queer people tbh lksfdhgkhalkjg like there's not a whole lot of outright homophobia, there are people who acknowledge queer folks exist and have no complaints or whatever, but there still tends to be general widespread assumption that everycreature's cishet until stated otherwise and not much talk about anything else? And the no-labels-in-the-Endless-Woods thing! How much harder and more complicated could it be then to explain your identity to people? Which might well be necessary because of the fact that cisheteronormativity still exists there. And without the existence of labels how many people in the Endless Woods are having experiences that come with a certain queer identity or other that's never talked about, and talking about it like one (1) time and being like "is that a thing? is that just me?" and then end up just keeping that to themselves, never having a name for it, never knowing that it's a thing other people experience, never getting to bond with other people like that over it, never getting a sense of community out of that, never getting to validate and celebrate it or anything. Like, how much could that freaking SUCK for people, seriously.

Add this to my long list of realizations and rambles about the many flaws in how SGE was written. Gotta love that.

#all ocs + c.c. and jasper #oc asks!!#thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#may come back to this if i think of anything to add or better words to explain some of it

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acespec-ed · 2 years

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I've seen a few posts going around lately about how it's problematic for straight girls to do romantic or sexual things with other straight girls and I had a sort of epiphany.

I think it's possible that some of those 'straight girls' could be a-spec.

I mean, if you're 'straight' and you kiss a girl, there's no expectation to sleep with her, right? I mean, you'd be surprised by how many girls kiss each other at events without sleeping with anyone at the end (because society is sexist, they get called teases, but that's still better than getting pressured into something). Then there's the split attraction model, and how some people might feel romantic attraction to multiple genders but only sexual for one gender.

You can hold hands and cuddle with your very close female friend without having to hear aphobic rhetoric about how you should be doing other things with them.

And, honestly, having the defense of what you're doing being 'fake' or 'performative' takes the pressure off. I'm an ace-spec wlw and I've certainly had some close relationships with girls that seemed gay to some and not to others, and certain things felt 'safe' while others felt like I'd be putting myself in a situation I couldn't get out of without sounding like I hate girls or sex. Although, I'm a shy introvert so I definitely wouldn't do anything that might make me the center of attention for a few minutes 😅

Idk it's just something I've been thinking about

It does sound possible! Though I think other factors come into play, like location and generation. I don't get out much nowadays to know how things are among younger generations, but "back in my day," if someone kissed someone of the same gender, people would assume they were gay- even if the person said they weren't. They'd at the very least be called bicurious.

Unless you're talking about quick cheek kisses. I guess those are more okay for straight people to do, but I never see anyone giving cheek kisses with the exception of couples. If I saw someone give someone of the same gender a cheek kiss, I would assume that person is from another country where that's common.

That aside, I can agree that out of all gender combinations, two women cuddling/holding hands/kissing would have the least amount of pressure to do anything beyond that. And I can see it being a thing of women being aspec engaging in that behavior. Some people do crave physical contact that isn't sexual. Being touch-starved is a thing. I'm one of those people who doesn't care for physical contact unless I'm attracted to the person in some way, so I don't understand it at all. But it does make sense for a woman aspec who wants physical contact, to go the safest route and get that from a friend of the same gender.

#asks

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irenewsky · 3 years

Text

To add to this post where I talked about my asexual Jiang Cheng and aromantic Nie Huaisang au, here are some more of my ideas concerning the same fic that absolutely no one asked for:

Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng shared their first kiss with each other at the age of 15 because they were both confused as to what exactly was so great about it

Nie Huaisang found out that he’s aromantic when he started to question his lack of crushes in high school. His pansexuality, however, was easier to figure out

Jiang Cheng found out he’s asexual when reading more about aromanticism after Nie Huaisang told him about it and accidentally clicking on a link about asexuality

Jiang Cheng doesn’t like physical closeness but doesn’t mind it with Nie Huaisang. They cuddle a lot

Their shared quilty pleasure is cheesy rom-coms - they skip the sex scenes because Jiang Cheng would rather crawl out of his skin than watch those

The Nie household is the sole reason why the Jiang siblings are as mentally stable as they are, offering their home for the siblings whenever they needed to get away from their parent’s fighting

Madam Nie, Huaisang’s mother (Mister Nie remarried after Nie Minjue’s mother passed away), absolutely adored Jiang Cheng while she was still alive

Nie Mingjue and Jiang Yanli practically raised Nie Huaisang, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian because gods know Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu wouldn’t. Also because as much as they loved the kids, the Nie parents were busy running their family’s law firm

Nie Huaisang was the first person Jiang Cheng told about his asexuality and Nie Huaisang helped him to come in terms with it. The same had previously happened with Jiang Cheng coming out as gay

Jiang Cheng coming out as asexual to Wei Wuxian didn't go well (initially). A lot of offending words, shouting and hurt feelings here - Jiang Cheng didn’t talk to his brother for weeks. It was only after Wei Wuxian held himself accountable, did some research on asexuality and apologized that the brothers started to get along again

Nie Mingjue was convinced his brother and Jiang Cheng were dating when they were in high school. Jiang Yanli laughed at his face when he told her about this

Jiang Cheng dated two people before Nie Huaisang but neither relationship worked because the guys were both ”aphobic assholes” as Nie Huaisang put it and didn’t take Jiang Cheng’s asexuality seriously

Jiang Cheng realized at the age of 23 that he had fallen in love with Nie Huaisang when they were already living together. He then proceeded to freak out about it internally for weeks until Nie Huaisang confronted him about his weird behaviour around him and Jiang Cheng broke like a dam

Nie Huaisang didn’t know what to do after Jiang Cheng confessed to him and it took couple of weeks of awkwardness between them until Nie Huaisang decided to give them a try because he did love Jiang Cheng in his own way and could see himself staying by Wanyin’s side for the rest of their lives

With Nie Huaisang being romance-favourable aromantic and Jiang Cheng being sex-repulsed asexual, their relationship certainly was different from society’s perception of ’normal’ (theirs was something unique to them. Something only they could define). It did work though and that was all that mattered

Nie Mingjue may or may not have teared up just a little when Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang told their siblings they were now an item in their own somewhat queerplatonic way. He also might have turned to Jiang Yanli and said ”I told you so”

They got engaged after four years of being together and married one year later (they chose to do so because a) they wanted to, and b) to piss off aphobes and homophobes). The wedding was small because Jiang Cheng wasn’t fond of big weddings, he only wanted those they cared about to attend, but it was absolutely beautiful because Nie Huaisang didn’t accept anything less than the best when it came to their wedding.

Their wedding night after all the celebrations with their friends and family were over was spent rewatching their favourite rom-coms and eating take out until they both fell asleep on the couch

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arcadialedger · 3 years

Text

How Catra and Zuko have been saving me lately: A (sort of) meta

A very long, personal post under the cut. This is really important to me, and I could really use some support, so if you could take the time to read and reblog that would be greatly appreciated. I just want to reach out.

Once again, please PLEASE read. I really need help.

Recently, I’ve found myself desperately latching onto the characters of Zuko and Catra, as many have in the past. To put it simply, I’m in one of the most difficult times of my life right now.

I’m transferring colleges because I was doxed by an online hate mob (long story) , and in general because I just didn’t belong at my old school. I went to three different high schools, moved around a whole bunch, and I don’t really belong anywhere. All of my friends are far away, my parents are busy working and I’m alone.

I just feel like I’m wandering aimlessly in darkness, unloved and unsure where to go. I’m faced with making a huge decision about my future with this transfer, and I’m terrified. Terrified I won’t make the right choice, and terrified it won’t be the newfound happiness I so desperately need it to be. But most of all, I’m terrified of being unwanted and alone again, wherever I go.

I’m used to not being wanted. I’m 4’10, not thin, and have been tossed aside because of my appearance my entire life. I’m 20 years old and haven’t been kissed (how pathetic is that). I moved schools and stayed in my room depressed because I never got to lay down roots and establish a foundation. Hell, I never even got to live as a teenager. I’m just behind and broken.

I was hoping Tumblr would be my place, where I could write and analyze and showcase my talents. Be wanted for once. For a while, it looked like it might be. Then a friend blocked me and made a callout post, due to me having a different opinion on a sensitive matter, and a domino effect began. I lost more friends and half of the fandom we’re both in blocked me seemingly at their word. I had featured this friend on an episode of my podcast at, had many fond memories chatting with them, and even bought a zine to support them. The loss hurt, and I was cut off from one of the few things I had. It was all taken away from me. My growth halted as I dealt with months of online abuse: including death threats, suicide baiting (these people knowing I’ve struggled with being suicidal), aphobic slurs (knowing I’m ace), mocking and editing images of my face. My Twitter was hacked, I lost podcast deals with creatives who my friends who blocked me and started all of this went on to interview because of said hacking, and I was threatened to be doxed. I suffered blow after blow while the people who hurt me grew and were rewarded, allowed a place here, and this continues to this day. The damage remains. I have to self reblog a whole bunch to get my content remotely seen in the algorithm.

Because my entire life, it feels I’ve never been allowed a win. I’ve never been allowed to have and keep anything good. I’m short and ugly, talentless with nothing to give to the world, my family has no money so I haven’t gotten to travel or experience a lot of things. I’ve spent my entire life envious of the “hot skinny girls” who’ve been wanted and dating since high school, who live in McMansions and get to go on vacations.

When I work to make good content on Tumblr and build a following talking about what I’m passionate about? It’s taken from me. When I work hard to get into my old college’s honors program and earn a trip to Greece which I could otherwise never afford, a global pandemic comes along and makes sure I don’t get that kind of positive experience in life.

I’m used to it all, being worn down and unwanted and losing. I’ve gone my entire life behind, lesser, and not enough.

And that’s why I’m so scared. I have a big decision to make, I’m at my own crossroads, and I desperately need all of this to come together for me this year. I’ve gone so long without happiness and love. I need this to be the light at the end of the tunnel, newfound happiness. I need to find newfound happiness. All I want is to escape the darkness, find peace of mind and function day to day doing the things I love without being stressed.

So when I see Zuko— so angry at the world for being given the short stick, abused, and never making things easy, and Catra— driven mad by comparison and feeling as though the world takes away everything from her? Gosh, I feel it so hard.

Because that’s just what I do. I get angry at the world for making things so hard for me. I compare. I feel like the world just takes and takes and never gives me a win. And so I’m never happy. I feel their pain and loneliness so deeply, and I’m terrified that I’m the villain because of it. I cry at the anguish and self loathing in their eyes because I have been there. I AM there.

Like Zuko comparing to Azula, I feel lesser because the world has constantly told me I am so. I feel cheated and given the short end of the stick, as though life has it out for me. I get angry and lash out from my pain.I’m desperate for validation from people who can never give it to me. I’m so scarred from my past, I can’t believe I have a future.

Like Catra, I’m always left behind. I’m lonely and driven mad by the unfairness of the world. It takes and takes until I’ve lost it all, but it never gives. I’m so afraid of losing anyone and anything else, I refuse to let anyone in. Because why would I deserve love? There’s nobody who wants me, no purpose for me on this world. I’m nothing, just constantly chasing an impossible goal of perfection to justify my existence.

“You drive them away, wildcat”

Yeah, I know their hurt. I know what it all feels like. To be that broken, that insecure, that left behind and unwanted. The punching bag of fate. These characters suffering is so much of my own.

And that’s why they’re the only thing to give me hope.

Seeing them be where I am now, and where they end up, I allow myself to believe that maybe, just maybe, that can be my future. That I’ll get a happy ending. It gives me the courage to believe that what I’m so desperately striving for can happen.

Zuko standing up to his father and forging his own path in life, which leads him to a better place as he finds his destiny and happiness after so many years of torment. We both have scars-- if he can overcome his, why can’t I?

Catra, after so many years of struggle, taking agency over her life back from those to abused her, and finally learning to accept the love of those around her. Opening up to pain and rejection and ultimately being forgiven. Catra felt so lonely, unable to see the love around her-- maybe I’ve been doing the same thing. Maybe I’ll find the strength to take my life into my own hands and find my own love.

It’s so empowering, a flicker of light in what feels like eternal darkness. I am so worn out and broken. I’ve never had love, or learned to love myself. In the real world, it is find to find hope.

It is only in these characters, who have felt my pain and found their way to a better place, that I find comfort.

I am one of so many who have been touched by these characters arcs, and they are one of the purest examples of why stories are important. Why the emotions narrative can evoke are important. It is not only escapism, it opens up a door to critical self introspection that can make a real difference in our lives. It holds up a black mirror of our lives, providing an outside view of our deepest, darkest emotions and struggles which can be so hard to understand when they’re inside.

These characters, and their stories: insecurity, abuse, doubt, comparison, chasing validation, just wanting to find your purpose in life and happiness-- they are the stories of life, stripped down to it’s rawest emotions.

There is power in redemption. There is power in rising from the bottom.

As I said in my last post about Catra and Zuko:

“Their stories: being angry at the world, driven mad by comparison and a need for validation, making wrong choices, processing trauma, needing help but being too scared to open up and accept it, feeling as though they don’t deserve love or forgiveness, fighting to restore and maintain valued relationships, convincing themselves they’ve lost it all, feeling conflicted or confused, realizing what they thought they wanted isn’t fulfilling and hasn’t brought happiness, escaping years of mental conditioning which told them they were worthless, not seeing the love they have right before them, constantly fighting uphill for a life which seems to throw everything it can at them… Well, isn’t that just the most human story of all? And so their redemptions give us hope.”

I have been so lost and lonely for so long, and now I’m at a crossroads. I’m so scared to believe that this change, this new path, can lead to a better place, but these characters? They give me strength to. They give me faith.

This has been a rambling post of feelings, and I am thankful to anyone who has read this far. I’m just so tired of feeling this way, and needed to reach out and share this. If you are also feeling this way, know you are not alone. You are so very far from alone.

I just really don’t want to feel unwanted and unloved, like I don’t belong, anymore. I want to have a place here. I probably sound desperate because I feel that way. I don’t know how else to cry out for help other than sharing this.

If anyone wants to message or send asks about this, please feel free to do so. I want, and very much need, to talk.

#personal #personal post #zuko #long post #catra #meta #avatar: the last airbender #avatar #she ra and the princesses of power #she ra #a:tla #atla #spop #mental health

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equalseleventhirds · 4 years

Text

quick disclaimer before fic: this is not meant to excuse or absolve melanie and georgie of outing jon; what they did was wrong and they should not have done it. instead it is an... examination of a character who is Maybe working some things out but, due to Internalized Issues, is harshly rejecting it both for herself and other people. (i’m aware i wrote something with the exact same FUCKING premise back when i was in the sh*rl*ck fandom dear god don’t read that linked fic it is from a deeply shameful time of fandom i only linked it as proof i did the same thing before. almost like i’m still working through the same stuff via writing fanfiction. hm.) (further discussion on THAT in post-fic notes; i wanted to keep it under the cut for personal reasons.)

furthermore: warning for discussion of sex (but not explicit depictions of sex), characters experiencing aphobia both internalized and not, mention of sexism wrt jobs, characters outing other characters without their consent (more than once, and more than just jon), and mention of consensual but unwanted sex (as in, consent was given, but the consenter did not enjoy it, and consented due to expectations).

- - -

It starts with: “I don’t, I, I usually can’t—Lately. I mean. Lately I can’t.” Melanie shuts her eyes so she won’t have to see Georgie, her hand on the sheets, judgment questions in her eyes. “Since I got—shot. It’s more difficult, is all.”

“Melanie—”

“You can still try,” she says, the words falling too fast, too panicked. “If you want, sometimes other people—and it’s fine! I’m always, it’s fine to try. Sometimes I do. I just might not. You know.”

“You might not orgasm,” Georgie finishes for her. It’s hard to tell how she’s feeling about it—until her fingers brush Melanie’s chin, turning her face up.

Reluctantly, Melanie opens her eyes, and then she’s glad she did. Because Georgie’s smiling, not a mocking smile, gentle. And they said this was just, just casual, just between friends (there’s too much going on with ghosts and the Institute and Georgie’s ex sleeping on her couch when he isn’t being kidnapped for it to be more than that), but Melanie’s glad Georgie is smiling.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Georgie says. She’s sitting up now, not lying almost-not-quite between Melanie’s legs anymore. She looks gorgeous, naked and cross-legged on that horrible mattress with a microfiber sheet wrapped around her shoulders, and Melanie wants to curl up in the sheet with her and eat the leftover pizza from earlier and fall asleep together with grease on their hands.

No. Focus. “It’s okay,” Georgie says again, gentler. “If you can’t right now. If you don’t want to. You certainly gave me a lovely orgasm—”

“—or three—”

“—yes, thank you, and if you’d rather just call it there, I’m not pushing it. As long as you enjoyed yourself.” She frowns, suddenly, glancing down at Melanie’s hands. “You… did enjoy yourself? I hope we didn’t—”

“I did!” She always does, when it’s other people coming, when she gets to be touching warm skin and watching someone fall apart. It’s… nice. “It’s just, you know. I got shot.”

(And isn’t that a convenient excuse, she sneers in her own head, and it sounds like Toni refusing to come back to the team, it sounds like the most sarcastic videos about her breakdown, it sounds like Elias. Isn’t it convenient that now you can blame your little problem on blood flow, or nerve endings, or stress. Never mind that you didn’t have those excuses a year ago. Or two years. Or back when you had a real girlfriend, and you always said yes but she got tired before—)

Georgie tucks a strand of hair behind Melanie’s ear. “Okay, good. If we, you know, try this again sometime? If you’re feeling better? Then I can try.” She stops, licks her lips, watches Melanie’s expression. “Or I can… not try, if you’d still prefer that. Later. You know. If.”

“I’m not—” And she’s rushing again, always rushing, she doesn’t even know if she and Georgie will ever—

“No, I know! It’s fine! But like—Look, this isn’t exactly new for me, you know? If that’s something you want. Something you don’t want. Or I, I’m saying it’s not a problem, if you do or don’t want me to make you come in the future, or even if you don’t want to have sex at all, I mean, when we were dating Jon didn’t—”

That’s where Georgie stops, as if talking about Jon is too much, as if she hasn’t been speaking Melanie’s secret insecurities out loud in bed like it’s something they can talk about, as if all of this hasn’t already been too much and too terrifying already.

Melanie stands up, grabs the comforter as a makeshift cloak (because Georgie has the sheet, and suddenly she isn’t sure she wants to share the sheet with her). “Right.”

“I’m just—I have a friend. Who you might talk to, if you wanted to talk about this.”

She steps away from the bed, towards the door. “Sure. Pizza? I’m hungry.”

The problem is, Melanie doesn’t much like Jon. He was such a dick about the Youtube thing, and about her statement, and about Sasha. And even though she knows (sort of) that part of it hadn’t been his fault, she still isn’t going to talk over her disinterest in sex with him. It’s mortifying. Even if he wasn’t her boss. And Georgie’s ex. And currently out of the Archives, anyway.

But she wants to talk to somebody, about Georgie’s words running around and around and around her head, about the sheer panic mixing with almost-relief and then the visceral no no no churning low in her stomach that had made it a struggle just to choke down her pizza. She wants to ask someone is this normal, am I allowed, is it even enough to be halfway to ‘not at all’ or should I just suck it up. She wants to talk that out desperately.

It’s just… she doesn’t have many friends left, after her whole fall from Youtube ghost hunter grace. She’s not going to ask Georgie about it, any more than Jon, although for pretty much the opposite reason. Who’s left? Her shiny new coworkers? Tim, who seethes and hates everything and everyone in the Archives? Martin, who’s still upset that Jon so much as spoke to her while he was on the run? Basira?

When Melanie met Sasha—the real Sasha, the one apparently no one but her even remembers—she’d been the only woman in the Archives. And Melanie had chatted with her about haunted pubs, and maximizing SEO, and how to talk to people who’d seen a white dog while they were drunk and thought it was a ghost. And about their jobs, of course, which led to both of them scoffing about the sexist bullshit of academia and how someone like Sasha could be just an assistant and the only woman on her team.

And then Elias hired Melanie to replace… the thing that replaced Sasha. Hired another woman to replace the only woman. You learn to see patterns from the kind of person who might say diversity the same way as toilet plunger: something necessary, but distasteful. Melanie was filling a role he needed filled, and she could live with that.

And then Basira.

Who wasn’t there because she wanted to be, of course, but was still there. Was still another woman in the boy’s club of terror they’d apparently signed on for. Could maybe, maybe, be someone Melanie could connect with. Someone she could talk to.

Maybe.

“Do you know if he and Jon ever…?”

“No clue, and not interested!” She’s laughing, about to just dismiss it out of hand, but… maybe. She can feel the questions she never asked Georgie, the words sharpening their claws on the edges of her mind. The no, not me, not allowed sinking in her gut.

“Although…” Make it light. Make it interesting. Make it about someone else. How to hook an audience without having a public breakdown and becoming a— “According to Georgie, Jon… doesn’t.”

It feels wrong as soon as she says it. Like she’s dirty. Like she’s lying. Like a thousand eyes are looking at her, watching her, waiting for more. Make it a story. Engage your audience. Like it’s 2013 in a convention hotel room and Pete just told everyone Don’t worry, Mel likes girls actually, and even though they were all fine about it that moment of sharpshock terror in her throat as they all looked—

“Like, at all?”

The one thing she never learned was how to stop talking. “Yeah.”

“Yeah, that does explain some stuff.”

And that’s… it, really. That does explain some stuff. Jon is a dick, has always been a dick, overfocused on work and not on other people, and that does explain some stuff. Right. Yes. Like her last girlfriend had told her, about all you do is work, I can’t even get you off. An explanation, just like she always knew it would be.

It doesn’t really matter. She has a boss to go kill.

“I think,” she says, slow, like every word is being dragged out of her, “that I might not like. Sex. As much as, you know, people do.”

“You’re a person,” her therapist says, firm, and she has to bite back a sarcastic laugh.

“Right. ‘Course.”

- - -

post-fic notes: i myself personally have previously identified as: heteroromantic gray-ace, heteroromantic ace, aroace, aro gray-ace, aro bi, bi, arospec bi, aro bi again, and aro bi but sex ambivalent. part of that has been natural progression and change; part of that was bcos some people i considered friends got very into aphobic discourse, and i internalized a lot of what they said. in recent months i have been examining my sex ambivalence (sometimes repulsion) and considering what that means about whether or not i am on the ace spectrum. i’m still thinking about these things. i’m still, deep down inside, afraid of the aphobic people i respected and cared about hearing about this.

in part i wrote this to work through some of My Own Shit regarding this. in part i wrote this bcos i will get my grubby little aspec hands (bcos regardless of anything else, i am aspec, whether that’s ace or aro) on every character i can. yes, even the ones who did an objectively shitty thing to jon, the one canonical ace character. bcos sometimes people (like me) internalize things and make mistakes.

#absolutely not beta'd or britpicked or even edited much #i needed to get this out and now it's late but i'm WORKING THROUGH SOME STUFF #uhhhh ambiguous ending about melanie's like! decisions! identity! feelings!#ambiguous if she or georgie EVER talk to JON #nothing is resolved! nothing is fucking good and light and happy! it's all MESSY #it's also so long i'm so sorry but melanie spent a lot of time looking at georgie and then a lot in emotional turmoil so like #what can ya do.#anyway. fuck it. posting a thing.#fanfiction #algie writes things #the magnus archives #hopefully i have rambled long enough this doesn't get maintagged sry if it does ignore me i needed this for ME #and i guess like. i do want other ppl to read it. but i do not want to maintag it. u kno how it is.#NOW WITH EDITING

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entity9silvergen · 3 years

Text

Thought That Cupid Shot Me With Love But It Was Only An Aro (Naruto Fanfiction)

Summary: Soulmates were supposed to be the other half of your soul. Your one true love. Ino always dreamed of finding her soulmate. Sai never wanted one. Still, they cared for each other so they were going to make it work. Somehow.

Relationships: Sai & Ino, Sai/ Ino, Sai & Team Kakashi, Sai & Team Asuma, Sai & Shin, Referenced Naruto/ Hinata, Referenced Sasuke/ Sakura, Referenced Kakashi/ Guy, Referenced Shikamaru/ Temari, Referenced Choji/ Karui

Characters: Sai, Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, Choji Akimichi, Shin, Kakashi

Warnings: Minor aphobia

Other: AroWriMo 2021, Soulmate AU, Aroace Sai, Aro/ Allo Relationship, Oneshot, Aromantic Writer, Queer Themes, QPRs

Word Count: 10K

Author’s Note: This story was written for Aromantic Writing Month 2021! I’ve been wanting to write an aromantic Soulmate AU for awhile and decided to finally write it when I realized Aro Writing Month was approaching. Prompt for week 1 was Romo/ Loveless & Future which kind of aligns with this fic.

The title comes from the song Not In Love by Natalia Kills.

This is my first time writing a soulmate AU and also my first time writing an aromantic character. I’d just like to say I don’t really like the idea of aromantic/ alloromantic soulmates because it implies they both have to compromise in some way but I’ve always wanted to see how that kind of relationship would be navigated so here we are.

Some characters are mildly aphobic but there’s nothing hateful or extreme. It’s mostly just people not understanding.

Also this fic skips around through time a bit and begins before Sai gets his name in canon but I am just going to call him Sai because it’s kind of awkward to avoid using it. A few minor deviations from canon are taken just for convenience.

___________

As long as Ino could remember, she’d had a massive, stark white tiger with jet black stripes wrapped around her arm.

She didn’t really question it’s presence. Everyone had marks on their bodies as far as she knew. Once she was old enough to really recognize what it was, however, she did find it a bit odd. Compared to the bright red bush clover on her mother’s upper arm and the aquamarine instrument on her father’s leg, a black and white tiger seemed strange. She tried asking about it but no one seemed to understand her confusion. They just saw it was any other soulmark with nothing out of the ordinary.

It wasn’t until she was a couple years into her training at the Academy that she really understood what the tiger on her skin meant.

She’d been sitting on the grassy hill where her Kunoichi classes were held with her friend Sakura. It was early spring and tiny flowers were beginning to sprout out of the ground. Idly, Ino plucked them out of the earth and slowly began tying their stems into a chain. What for, she did not know. She just needed something to occupy herself until the teacher arrived. She was running a bit late and once she arrived, Ino understood why.

“Hello class!” the teacher called once she reached the top of the hill, dropping a bag of books at her feet. They hit the grass with a loud thump. The bag was a lot heavier than it looked, no wonder it had slowed her down. “Sorry for the delay!”

“What are those books for?” Sakura called out, voicing the rest of the girl’s thoughts.

“Oh these?” the teacher said, picking up one of the books. “We’re going to use these books to help with the lesson. Today we’re going to talk about soulmarks.”

Soulmark. The word struck a chord in Ino’s mind. It sounded familiar yet she didn’t have the slightest idea what it meant. She sensed it was important though. Intrigued, she rested her arms on her knees and leaned forward a bit. She didn’t say anything, positive Sakura and all her newly discovered chattiness would do it for her. “What’s a soulmark?”

The teacher’s eyes glowed in a way Ino had never seen before as she sat down and threw herself into her explanation. “You see those designs on your bodies?”

Ino looked down at the tiger on her arm and felt a flash of excitement. Was she finally going to learn the meaning behind it?

“Those are soulmarks. You see, the universe is very wise and knows who we are destined to fall in love with,” the teacher told them, smiling at the wondrous expressions appearing on the girls’ faces. Ino tried to wipe the look off her own features but she couldn’t help it. This was nothing like flower arranging at all. That was fun but this was important. “That’s why we’re born with these marks. They give us hints about what our soulmates are like and tell us how to find them.”

A few girls squealed and made soft noises expressing their delight but Ino remained quiet, eyes wide as she ran her fingertips over the tiger’s curved stripes. She’d done so countless times before but now it felt different. Almost humbling. This mark told her who she was meant to fall in love with? That was amazing. Almost unbelievable.

“I read a story book about soulmates once,” declared a girl Ino couldn’t remember the name of. “It said soulmates are each other’s one true love and we’re all meant to find each other some day. Some people have to travel really far to find their soulmate!”

“That’s true,” the teacher said with a nod, “but usually our soulmates aren’t too far away. I knew my soulmate since we were kids but we didn’t realize until we were much older. Sometimes we need time to develop as people before our soulmarks make sense. We need time to grow into them.”

“I heard that Hyuga girl has a ramen bowl on her somewhere,” another girl spoke up. She made an over exaggerated face of disgust. “The only person who eats ramen enough for the universe is that dumb Uzumaki kid. I’d bet anything they’re soulmates.”

“Now, Yaka,” the teacher chided, “it’s not nice to make assumptions about other people’s soulmates, let alone talk about their soulmarks behind their backs. Soulmarks are a private thing.”

Ino noticed the teacher didn’t scold Yaka for the way she was talking about Naruto and Hinata. She didn’t know what that was about but she didn’t really like it. She didn’t have the faintest idea who her soulmate was but she hoped no one made fun of him for her soulmark, whatever it was. As troubling as her mark was, she loved it and knew she would one day love her soulmate as much as the tiger on her arm. And he was supposed to love her just as much, right? They were destined to be together after all. Each other’s true love.

“I hope mine is Sasuke,” Sakura sighed dreamily, clutching her hands together.

Ino snapped out of her romantic daydreams and blew air out through her mouth, making her blond bangs move out of her face, as she rolled her eyes. “We’re too young to really know, Sakura. Don’t get your hopes up.”

“Color is the best indicator to go off of,” the teacher told them, eyes drifting to the mark on Sakura’s hand. “Red isn’t an uncommon color in the soulmarks of the Uchiha.”

Ino’s mouth twisted in annoyance. Their teacher was indulging her? Really? At least Sakura seemed happy about it. And Ino would be lying if she said she didn’t think Sakura’s mark may one day fit their classmate. The scarlet feather of a hawk covered the back of her hand, the middle bleeding into a pale purple that stretched the shaft into a long snake trailing up her arm. It was a pretty cool soulmark, Ino had to admit. Two animals in one mark? And so colorful. Maybe that meant Sakura’s soulmate had a lot of character to him. Or that he really liked animals. Did Sasuke like animals? But like the others, it made her uneasy about her own.

“What if your soulmark doesn’t have any colors?” Ino asked, raising her hand. When the teacher’s eyes flickered to her arm, Ino put her arm down and covered her mark with her hand. She tried her best not to look down in shame to no avail then immediately hated herself for it. Then she decided she hated her teacher for the look she was giving her. How dare she make Ino feel ashamed of her soulmark and, by extension, her soulmate?

The teacher’s judgemental look vanished in a heartbeat, replaced by a cheery facade, and she handed Ino the book she was holding. “That’s a good question! Everyone, take a book and try to find any characteristics that might match your soulmark. You might be able to learn something about your soulmate!”

Ino wasn’t oblivious to the fact her question was ignored but Sakura was tugging at the book in her hands, excited to see what it’s contents could tell her. Ino shook her negativity away and laughed, scolding her friend into settling down and sharing the book.

They spent the whole afternoon flipping through the pages, gazing at the beautiful soulmarks within, and Ino found nothing about colorless soulmarks. Like many things regarding her soulmate, she didn’t know what to think of that.

___________

Sai thought he was markless until he was eight.

He knew what soulmarks were, of course. They were impossible to miss, especially since he lived in such close quarters with everyone he trained with. He’d just never seen one on his own body so he just figured he didn’t have one. And he was pretty okay with that.

This batch of ROOT recruits were being trained in a Hidden Mist style so they spent a fair amount of time on the water. The instructor had begun teaching the Water Natured recruits how to use Water Style: Liquid Bullets recently so today that part of the group was polishing their jutsu while the rest of the recruits practiced dodging on a moving surface of water. It was a good exercise for everyone.

The only problem was all the Water Style users kept nailing Sai with their jutsu.

Normally Sai wouldn’t mind. He was a fast ninja and he was pretty good at dodging. The only problem was that there were so many and a few were bound to hit now and again. It was just that it was more than a few. And he seemed to be the only one getting hit. It was enough that the instructor asked him to get off the water and practice his Earth Style on his own until they were done.

“Maybe we can ask the instructor if you can wear a shirt next time,” Shin said casually once the session was over and the group was heading back to base. “I mean, it’ll get all wet if you fall in but it’s better than getting hit with Liquid Bullets the whole time.”

“What?” Sai peered at his brother, confused. “Why would wearing a shirt change anything?”

“Um, because of your soulmark?”

“I have a soulmark?”

Shin’s hands dropped from their place folded behind his head as he came to a stop to gape at his brother. “You didn’t know you have a soulmark?”

“No. Should I have?”

“Yes!” Shin exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “Soulmarks are important! They tell you who you’re going to fall in love with and- wait. If you didn’t know you had a soulmark, why did you think everyone kept shooting you with their jutsu?”

“I thought maybe it was some kind of strategy to pick off a weak link.”

“You’re not a weak link!” Shin exclaimed, louder this time. Sai didn’t really understand what he was getting upset over but he hoped he’d get over it soon. The instructors didn’t really like it when the students got worked up like this. “Your soulmark just makes a giant target on your back. It’s easy to aim for so everyone goes for it.”

“Oh.” That made sense, he supposed. “What is it? My soulmark, I mean.”

“It’s a flower. I don’t know what kind.”

“What does it mean to have a flower soulmark?”

Shin shrugged. “I have no idea. I think I heard flowers are kind of rare since all girls like flowers. Hey, maybe that means your soulmate is a boy. The universe might think boys liking flowers is weird enough to make it soulmark-worthy.”

“I don’t think it’s weird for boys to like flowers.”

“So you think your soulmate is a boy?”

“I don’t know. I don’t really care.”

“Come on,” Shin whined. “You’ve got to care a little bit!”

“Not really. I’ve never wanted a soulmate.”

“Really?” Shin sounded surprised, far more surprised than Sai thought he would. “Well, maybe that’s just because you didn’t think you had one. Maybe now it’ll change.”

Sai didn’t think so but he didn’t tell Shin. He didn’t think he’d understand.

________

Ino was nine when she felt a blinding pain shooting up from her soulmark.

It wasn’t sudden. In fact, it was very slow. A gentle static that turned into overwhelming agony. Ino had felt emotions through the soulbond before, however rare, but never to this degree. The initial surprise was faint, easily mistakable for her own feelings, but the adrenaline and fear that followed most certainly were not.

Iruka seemed to notice something was wrong because by the time the first wave of crippling despair hit, he’d already yelled for a student to take charge of the class and had ushered her out into the hallway. She was dimly aware of what was happening around her through it all. If she’d been more clear headed, she would’ve worried more about keeping it together in the presence of her classmates but right now she could only think about the hurt, fear, and grief rippling through her.

Her soulmark burned, sending bolts of emotion up her body, welling her throat shut and tightening her chest with raw, unfiltered emotion. It was like water boiling up in a kettle that exploded into a scalding ocean instead of steam. Like someone had injected lightning into her body and let it fry her heart. Like being surrounded by a heavy cloud of darkness that sucked any light out of her.

Never before had she felt such a thing and she didn’t know how to handle it. She didn’t understand where it was coming from or why this was happening to her. But then it just… stopped. Like nothing had happened.

She regained control of her breath as the sharp grip around her receded. She felt the sobs die in her throat and clean oxygen fill her lungs once again. She hadn’t even noticed she’d been crying until now. Tears stained her face and Iruka’s shoulder but there were fewer than before. It was now that she realized she had collapsed on the ground in the hallway, body pressed against the rough wood floor. The realization didn’t make her want to get up any more though. She could lie here for the rest of her life for all she cared. She kind of wanted to. Lying here in this sleepy, numb fog that clouded her mind sounded like a good idea.

“Are you alright?” Iruka asked, her sensei’s worried tone drawing her back to reality.

“What happened?” Ino groaned, sitting up to meet his gaze. The concern was evident on his face but he looked relieved to see that she was okay. She felt a prickle of guilt knowing she was responsible for his worry. What was that anyway? It just came out of nowhere then left just as fast. Absently, her hand drifted to her soulmark. Any echo of its earlier noise was long gone. It was as silent as the dead of night. “I feel…”

“I think something happened to your soulmate,” Iruka told her softly, helping her sit up against the wall. He shifted a bit so he sat across from her. For that, Ino was grateful. She didn’t think she could handle getting up right now.

“My soulmate?”

“You’ve felt things through your soulbond before, right?” Iruka asked. Ino nodded as she wiped her face free of any stray tears. “Well, sometimes when our soulmates are in a lot of pain or distress, we can feel it through the soulbond.”

“How come?” Ino asked, genuinely curious. The pain she felt was probably nothing compared to what he was feeling so she could stomach a bit of it for her soulmate’s sake but she didn’t understand why the universe would place that upon her or anyone else. That just seemed cruel.

“Well…” Iruka trailed off for a moment, hesitating, before the words came to him. “Soulmates are a big part of our lives. They’re the other half of our soul. Our bond doesn’t begin when we meet. We usually love our partners a long time before we meet them.”

Ino nodded, following along so far. Sure, she didn’t know a thing about her soulmate, save what her soulmark told her, but he had a special place in her heart that only grew with each spark she felt through the bond. He was one of the most important things to her in the whole world. It felt kind of strange to call it love but any other word felt short of capturing what she felt. He was essentially a stranger yet, at the same time, he was the furthest thing from it.

“Soulmates support each other throughout their whole lives,” Iruka explained. “When our soulmates feel pain, we can comfort them through our soulbonds.”

“How?” Ino asked, leaning forward a bit. She desperately wanted to. The hopelessness and agony that had rooted itself in her chest had faded but if her soulmate was still feeling anything close to it…

“Just think about how much you love them,” Iruka told her with a lopsided smile, “and how much you want to be there for him. Try to focus those feelings through your soulbond.”

Ino nodded and tried her hardest to do as her sensei instructed her. But how could she express feelings for someone she’d never met? She could imagine her soulmate and the future they’d have together but that wasn’t real. It was all in her head and all she had to go off of inspiration-wise were stories and dreams. She was still young enough to indulge in the occasional fantasy or day dream but she was also a ninja. Ninja were realists and realistically, she knew nothing about what he was like and she didn’t have a real reason to love him the way she did.

But that didn’t mean the love she had wasn’t real. It was ingrained deep into her being, as deep as the bond tying her to her partner. It was a love that made warmth hum in her chest and the corners of her mouth twitch into a smile at the mere thought of it. Love so powerful she couldn’t put it into words. She just didn’t have the vocabulary and she didn’t think the right words even existed.

It didn’t make sense but it was real. The universe, spirits, god, sages, whatever was up there- It had made a decision and it was a good one. There was no reason to believe it but Ino knew it like a universal truth. He was destined for her and she was more than happy to be destined for him. Ino loved her other half however little sense it made. She’d always wanted him to know that and maybe now she could tell him through the soulbond if she tried hard enough.

She didn’t know what he was feeling. She didn’t know what he could possibly be experiencing that would make him feel this way. She just hoped that maybe she could help, even if it was just a little bit.

“How will I know if he can feel it?” Ino asked after a while. She felt a lot better. Her breath had regulated, the dampness in her eyes had dried, and her body felt a lot less heavy than it had when she sat down.

“There’s not really any way to tell immediately,” Iruka told her, getting to his knees before standing up. He offered Ino a hand to pull her up. She accepted it and began following him back to the classroom. “Your soulmate is probably going through a lot right now and he might not know how to respond or feel ready to. But, I’ve heard that soulmates sometimes send their thanks a few weeks after something big happens and feelings start passing through the bond a bit more easily. I’m sure he’ll be sending you some happiness in no time.”

Iruka’s words were a comfort and Ino momentarily forgot her worries and skipped back to class. But weeks later when Iruka asked her if she and her soulmate were doing better, Ino couldn’t answer. There wasn’t a hint of emotion coming through the bond anymore.

_________

It was over seven years since Shin died before Sai was shirtless around anyone again.

It wasn’t really something he’d thought about. Who thought about that kind of thing? He had plenty of other things to think about. His missions, crossing faces out of his bingo books, his art… Being shirtless was such an insignificant thing in his life that he never spared it a second thought. His training had ended with his brother’s death and there wasn’t really a need for him to change clothes or go swimming with someone. And without Shin or anyone else looking at his back, he’d almost forgotten his soulmark. There were a few flashes of feeling through the bond now and again but Sai was usually too dull to notice and he usually dismissed them without question. The existence of his soulmark didn’t affect his life in the slightest.

Imagine his confusion when Naruto wouldn’t stop staring at him after Captain Yamato dumped the two of them in a hot spring together.

“Why do you keep looking at me, dickless?” Sai asked, smiling at how Naruto’s face soured at the nickname. He’d done well choosing it. “I was under the impression you were tired of being around me.”

“I am!” Naruto snapped indignantly. He crossed his arms and was silent for a moment. When Sai didn’t say anything, he caved and explained himself. “I… I was looking for your soulmark. Do you have one?”

Sai paused for a moment before nodding. “I do.”

Naruto’s gaze softened a bit and the hostility drained off his face. “It’s on your back, isn’t it? I didn’t see anything before you got in the water.”

“Why do you care?”

“I didn’t really think about it until you came in here and I didn’t see anything on you so I thought you might be markless. It’s… I dunno, it’s harder to stay mad at you knowing you’ve got a soulmate.”

“Why?

Naruto shrugged casually. “Knowing you love someone just makes you feel more human.”

If Sai were an expressive man, he would’ve made a face. One of anger or horror, he didn’t know. Angry Sai would’ve splashed Naruto in the face with a handful of water. Horrified Sai would’ve come up with a bad excuse and hurried out of the hot spring. But Sai wasn’t an expressive man so instead, he shut his mouth and sank into the water, trying not to think about the implication of his new teammate’s words. ___________

Ino met Sai at The Barbeque Place.

The Barbeque Place wasn’t actually called The Barbeque Place. They just called it that enough that it deserved to be called The Barbeque Place with the capitalization of the title and everything. It was actually called Yakiniku Q but no one cared. Team Asuma would convince everyone it was called The Barbeque Place until the owner changed the sign or they’d die trying.

Going to The Barbeque Place was the only way to properly celebrate anything Team Asuma style. Ino, Choji, and Shikamaru had only seen Naruto a couple of times since he returned to the village so when they saw him coming back from a mission, they knew they had to grab him then or they’d never get the chance to drag him to the restaurant and welcome their friend home.

The fact they had a new teammate with them was an added bonus.

Sai seemed nice. Kind of strange though. Ino didn’t know if it was just odd having someone new on Team 7 after so long or if it was just Sai’s general personality. She supposed she liked him but if it was anyone less good looking, Ino would definitely be upset Sasuke was getting replaced.

“So you’re ANBU, right?” Shikamaru asked the newcomer when the uncooked food had arrived and the early stages of conversation were over.

“How could you tell?”

“The uniform was a bit of a giveaway.”

“Noted.”

“ANBU?” Choji echoed, looking intrigued. His brief pause was long enough for Ino to take the opportunity to swipe a couple pieces of meat off the grill and shovel them onto Sai’s plate. Apparently pausing did not mean he was distracted though. “Ino!”

“Be nice! You don’t want to scare him off with your gross manners this early, do you?”

“I guess not…” Choji mumbled sullenly. His demeanor changed again in a heartbeat when a piece of perfectly cooked meat caught his eye. He plucked it up with his chopsticks and plopped it into his mouth, chewing the slices of beef happily, anger forgotten.

Shikamaru, always the sharp one, picked up where Choji left off before his distraction. “So what’s that like? ANBU, I mean.”

Sai smiled passively. “I don’t think it’s too different from what shinobi teams do, just more isolated and the training is more rigorous.”

“Really?” Sakura said, half distracted by trying to nab a piece of meat before Choji got his chopsticks on it. “I don’t know a lot about ANBU, even working so close with Lady Tsunade, but I’ve heard some bad rumors over the years.”

“Eh? Really? But Kakashi-sensei always seems happy wherever he talks about it,” Naruto replied. He swiped a piece of meat off Sai’s plate and popped it into his mouth before anyone could say anything. Ino would’ve scolded him but Sai didn’t seem to care. In fact, he seemed amused. It was hard believing someone as soft-spoken and gentle as Sai was a member of ANBU.

“Kakashi-sensei is Kakashi-sensei,” Sakura responded, brushing him off. “He doesn’t tell us anything and you never know if he’s actually happy or if he just hit a juicy part of those pervy books he’s always reading.”

“Eh, good point,” Naruto conceded through a full mouth, “but now we have Sai here to tell us stuff! I bet he’s a lot easier to talk to than Kakashi-sensei.”

Sai’s face remained passive but Choji and even Shikamaru seemed interested. Noticing, Sai sighed and gave in. “What do you want to know?”

“So you said ANBU was really lonely, right?” Shikamaru said, casually taking a piece of meat. Unsurprisingly, Choji let him and didn’t protest. “What about soulmates?”

“What about them?”

“I’ve heard they don’t let people search for their soulmates,” Sakura spoke up as she put a few vegetables on the grill. “They just have to live knowing their soulmate is out there wondering where they are and why they haven’t found them yet.”

“Well I heard they don’t let ANBU have soulmates at all,” Choji said, trying to wave Sakura’s chopsticks away from the grill. “Like they burn them off or make them stay covered all the time and that kind of thing.”

“I can confirm that isn’t true,” Sai said with a smile, sounding humored. “A lot of people have soulmates. Some of the best two-man teams and small units are made of soulmates, actually. We’re just not allowed to search outside of ANBU. My instructors always said it compromises our security.”

“That’s too bad,” Naruto commented and poked Sakura’s hand with his chopsticks. She yelped and pulled her hand away, allowing Choji to successfully steer the vegetables away from the grill and put down another couple pieces of beef. “But now that you’re out of ANBU, you can look for your soulmate, right?”

Sai said nothing and shrugged half-heartedly.

“You do want to find your soulmate, right?” Ino asked, putting down her chopsticks to look at him instead of swooping in to aid Sakura. Choji really had to eat his greens. Naruto too but it wasn’t every day her friends got a new teammate. Right now he was a bit more interesting than a poking war.

This time, Sai had a clear answer to the question. “Not particularly.”

“How?!” Ino’s plate clattered on the table slightly. She put a hand on it to stop it from falling but she could feel herself getting even more worked up. She sensed her friends giving her confused looks at her outburst. She tried her best to ignore them. “Your soulmate- Your soulmate is the other half of your soul! Without them, you’re incomplete. How could you not want to find them?”

Again, Sai shrugged.

“I’ve just never been interested in having a romantic relationship. Or any kind of relationship,” Sai said neutrally. He smiled and this time it was kind of infuriating instead of cute. “If it happens, it happens but I don’t particularly want to seek it out.”

“Isn’t it your destiny though?” Ino pressed. “To find your true love?”

“I thought you’d given up on that stuff,” Choji commented idly as he placed some new pieces of meat on the grill, “since you haven’t felt anything through your soulbond in years.”

Something inside Ino snapped. “Well, you’re just as far behind as me, fatso!”

In hindsight, that probably wasn’t the best move but getting the restaurant destroyed by Choji’s Human Boulder was worth it to escape that conversation. _________

It was well after the war had ended by the time the village’s Intelligence Division summoned Sai to lock up the members of the Seven Swordsmen that he’d sealed.

The village was recovering well but the months after the end of the war had been chaotic. There were far too many things more important to worry about than who’d sealed their enemies and where their bodies were so Fuguki Suikazan and Jinin Akebino’s scrolls just ended up sitting in Sai’s apartment. It was only when someone from the Third Division was retelling the war story that everyone remembered they hadn’t given the sealed bodies to the Intelligence Division. Sai hadn’t really thought it was important but apparently it was important enough for the Hokage to send Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji running to his apartment in the middle of the day to retrieve them.

“I can’t believe you had these things just lying around for a whole year. What a drag…” Shikamaru complained as the shinobi carried the two scrolls through the front doors of the Analysis Division’s building. Between the four of them, it was a bit awkward but they were managing. Sai was surprised he and Lee had been able to carry these things around on the battlefield. Right now, they seemed so heavy. “I wish I’d known Intel involved so much running around before I joined…”

“Aw, you like it,” Choji said cheerfully. It went unsaid that Ino and Shikamaru were working in the Intelligence Division because there was no one else to fill their fathers’ shoes but Sai heard it in his voice. “And all this running around gives us the chance to see our friends more often!”

“You don’t even work here. You can see our friends whenever you want!” Ino groaned as they began heading into the underground storage unit. “Slow down guys, I don’t really want to fall down the stairs in front of all these Jonin. But he’s right, Sai. It’s nice seeing you. It feels like it’s been forever.”

Sai hummed in agreement and tried his best to convey the joy he got from seeing his friends again. After seeing Shin again and mastering the Crouched Tiger Bullet, it came a lot easier to him but years of underusing his facial expressions made it less than natural. “Indeed. Where are we putting these?”

Everyone looked to Shikamaru. The boy didn’t seem fazed. “These guys are dead, right? We should transfer them to body scrolls. Easier for the Analysis Team to… analyze them or whatever whenever they decide to. You know how to use that kind of sealing, right Sai?”

Sai nodded as they reached the bottom of the stairwell. “I do.”

“Great,” Shikamaru grunted as the group reached the bottom of the stairs and dropped the heavy scrolls on the concrete floor. “Ugh, do they really need to be this big?”

“It’s a difficult sealing jutsu. It requires a lot of ink.”

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, let’s start unrolling this thing. Sai, there are some body scrolls over by the storage unit. Go grab whatever one you think will work best.”

Sai nodded and did as he was told, drifting off to the edges of the basement in search of the right tools. He wasn’t terribly experienced in any kind of sealing jutsu other than his own and he took his time finding a compatible scroll but after a couple minutes, he realized Team Asuma’s usual bickering had died down and the three had fallen into an unusual silence. Concerned, he stuck his head out of the storage area to check on them. “Are you alright?”

“Sai… Come here please,” Ino said in an unusual tone. Sai frowned. Her pale green eyes were fixed on something on the ground. Was something wrong with his seal? Had one of the Swordsmen somehow escaped? They were dead so it wouldn’t be the end of the world but it would be kind of a hassle to track down the body.

He stepped into the entry area and saw nothing out of the ordinary. One of the scrolls, Fuguki’s scroll, was unraveled, exposing the seal work and the swordsman's trapped form. Shikamaru, Ino, and Choji were just… staring at it? Sai couldn’t fathom why. Maybe they thought this method of sealing was immoral? It really wasn’t different from any other kind of sealing. Was the sight of the body on the page unsettling them?

“Sai, what is this?” Choji said in an uncharacteristically empty voice.

Sai took a few steps to join them beside the scroll. He peered at it, trying to see anything that was out of place or didn’t belong. Fuguki was still there, held in by his sealing tiger’s sharp claws. Was his sword in there? No, no it wasn’t. They’d returned the Seven Swords to the Hidden Cloud a while ago. He remembered because that was when Choji had realized he and that girl Karui were soulmates. It’d been a whole thing. “I don’t see anything wrong.”

Ino held up her marked arm and Sai suddenly realized what was happening here.

“...Oh.”

“Oh? Oh?! That’s all you have to say?” Shikamaru practically shouted, taking an angry step toward him. “Ino- she- You saw her soulmark the day you met us. Why didn’t you say anything? Do you know how long she- Are you really that heartless?”

Sai flinched at his words. He didn’t mean to but he couldn’t help it. Regaining some level of emotion also meant losing some of his composure. He hoped the others hadn’t noticed but he wasn’t the hopeful type. “I…”

Choji put a hand on Shikamaru’s shoulder. He looked just as upset as his friend but Choji was too gentle and kind-hearted to take out his anger on anyone. And for that, Sai was eternally grateful. “Shikamaru, maybe we should go. Shouldn’t this kind of thing be between soulmates?”

Shikamaru looked like he wanted to argue but he shook himself and took a deep breath to calm down. Sai knew Shikamaru could get scary when he wanted to and hurting his friend definitely put Sai in danger of becoming a victim of his intellect. Thank the sages for Choji or Sai was fairly certain he’d have a Shadow Stitch aimed at his head right now.

“Just… Just talk to her, man,” Shikamaru sighed tiredly, sounding several times his age, and turned to head back up the stairs, Choji trailing behind him. Sai half expected him to turn around to give him some kind of warning or threat not to mess this up and hurt his teammate but he didn’t. He just kept walking until it was just him and Ino. Alone. In a basement. With a dead rogue-ninja and a tiger staring at them. Not really the best setting for a heart to heart.

The two didn’t say anything for a few minutes, just pale green eyes boring into inky black. What was there to say? What was someone supposed to say when they found their soulmate? What if it should have been obvious they were soulmates from the start and one hadn’t said anything? What was someone who never wanted a soulmate supposed to do when his soulmate so clearly longed for one? Sai had so many questions and the answers to none.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Ino asked, breaking the silence.

“I didn’t know.”

“Don’t give me that.”

It was true, in a sense. He really didn’t know. Sai had recognized the tiger when he saw it for the first time but only in the back of his mind. He was far from a master of emotions and farther from a master of his jutsu. Was the jutsu really even his then? It didn’t feel like it so maybe he didn’t recognize the mark on Ino’s arm as his own.

Still, it was his art style. He’d recognized it immediately and always would. His art was such a big part of him and he didn’t dream of denying it so that couldn’t have been it. And it couldn’t be his lack of emotions because he wasn’t really lacking them, they were just suppressed. As guilty as it made him feel, it was very possible the truth was just that he didn’t want a soulmate. That he didn’t want to know what the universe had planned for him when it came to love.

“It just never occurred to me.”

Sai wasn’t lying but Ino didn’t seem to believe him. No one ever believed him. Not when it came to soulmates. But he wanted Ino to understand so he tried again.

“Remember when we met? When I said I didn’t want to look for my soulmate?”

Ino snorted and put her hands on her hips. “You didn’t need to look. She was right in front of you.”

Okay, he walked right into that one. “I wasn’t thinking about that. I would’ve said that to anyone.”

“Why?” Ino asked, her voice cracking. Sai noticed for the first time that her eyes were glossy. He felt… something. He couldn’t quite identify what it was yet but he knew it was a bad feeling. He couldn’t bring himself to feel sorry though. “I’ve always wanted to meet my soulmate, even before I really understood what my mark meant. I can’t imagine not wanting to find the one person who’s meant to love you unconditionally.”

That made Sai hesitate. He’d never heard it phrased that way particularly. It was making him doubt himself. Why had she said that? She didn’t know how much Sai struggled when it came to maintaining friendships or how lonely he’d been all those years after Shin died. She had no idea how rocky his relationship with love was or how much he craved it. She couldn’t fathom how much it pained him knowing it was always out of reach. Or maybe she could, with the soulbond and all. He cleared his throat. “I’m glad I met you and if I have to have a soulmate, I’m glad it’s you.”

“If you have to have one? What, do you wish you didn’t have one?”

“Sometimes.” Ino’s face dropped but Sai recovered quickly. “I think soulmates are wonderful but I’ve just felt like they’re for me, I suppose.”

“Are you one of those people who believe we should shape our own destiny?”

“No. Yes. Maybe? I don’t know.”

Ino laughed a bit and it sounded fond rather than angry. It gave Sai a spike of confidence. He smiled bashfully.

“My apologies. I’m not very… articulate when it comes to how I feel. I’ve really only reconnected with my emotions since the war ended,” Sai admitted. Ino opened her mouth but Sai stopped her before she could say what he knew she was going to say. “And my emotional struggles have nothing to do with how I feel about having a soulmate. I think. I remember talking about it with my brother before…”

Something flashed in Ino’s eyes. “Your brother died when you were ten?”

Sai nodded. “You felt it through the soulbond?”

“And nothing after it,” Ino replied with a nod, “until the war. Probably when you saw him again.”

Sai looked down. “...I cried. I hadn’t cried since he died the first time.”

Ino made a sympathetic noise. Sai wasn’t really sure if it made him feel comforted or patronized. Ino seemed to sense he didn’t want to talk about it and that was probably for the better. “So you’ve talked about it with him? How you feel about soulmates?”

“Having a soulmate,” Sai corrected. How he felt about soulmates versus how he felt about having a soulmate were very different. “And yes. I didn’t know I had a soulmark until he told me. But… He never really understood. He was a romantic. I don’t think he really knew that some people just weren’t like that.”

“Like what?”

Sai’s face furrowed with frustration as he tried to find words. “I… I know love. I love my brother. I love Naruto. And Sakura. And maybe Sasuke. I love Kakashi-senpai and Captain Yamato. I love my art and my books. And I love… you. And I know what I feel is real. I think I’ve always felt it, even when I thought I didn’t have emotions and before I knew you were my soulmate. I like being with you but I don’t love you like Shikamaru loves Temari or like Sakura loves Sasuke. Is that okay?”

Sai hadn’t realized he was looking down until Ino took his hands, startling him into looking up at her. She looked a bit sad but not disappointed or angry. She offered him a gentle smile. “Yeah, it’s definitely okay, Sai. I mean, this isn’t really what I expected meeting my soulmate to be like but I’m glad it’s you. I don’t think I’ll mind missing out on some romantic fantasy if it means I get to be with you. If that’s what you want.”

Slowly, Sai nodded and curled his fingers around hers. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to give you a romantic fantasy but I hope I can still make you happy. I want to see where this goes.”

_______________

Two years passed and Ino knew she and Sai weren’t really in a relationship.

They did couples things sometimes. They went out together fairly regularly. They ate at nice restaurants and went on quiet walks through the village. Sai sometimes slept over at her house and she sometimes slept at his apartment. Sai went with her to Naruto and Hinata’s wedding. And Shikamaru and Temari’s wedding. And Sasuke and Sakura’s. And Choji and Karui’s... There was a shocking number of weddings recently.

It was never romantic though. Their “dates” often had a few tag-alongs or didn’t seem all that different from what friends normally did. Sleeping together was never anything more than sleeping. She could count the number of times they’d just shared the bed on one hand. And they never slow danced at the weddings. Their friends didn’t even acknowledge they were together. Maybe they didn’t know. Or maybe they did and just thought they were just having fun with each other until they met their real soulmates. That was a depressing thought.

Ino tried not to let it bother her. She really liked Sai, that never changed, and she enjoyed all the things they did together. It was fun. Maybe even more fun than it would be with someone else since there weren’t any expectations and there weren’t dozens of eyes watching everything they did. Still, part of her longed to have the future she’d always expected. She tried to ignore the part of her before it became too much to keep inside.

But as a clan head, she couldn’t ignore it forever.

She was in some Yamanaka-Nara-Akimichi Clan meeting when it came up. Normally these meetings were uneventful, just a bunch of clan elders hooting about babies and food or whatever, so Ino had been zoning out while they bickered and shuffled papers around the table. But with Shikamaru and Choji both married, she should have expected it.

“...so that brings us to the issue of heirs,” an elder said, snapping Ino’s attention back to the meeting.

All eyes in the room immediately fell on her. She sat up a bit straighter. “What?”

“The Nara Clan head and Akimichi Clan heir have already found their partners and are close to securing their clans’ futures,” the elder went on. Her name was… Ino wanted to say Chizo? Wait, no. That was an Akimichi name. Chizo was that one over there with her hand deep in a plate of cookies. This was a Yamanaka. What was her name? Ino couldn’t remember for the life of her. “The Yamanaka Clan on the other hand…”

“You think I can’t lead the clan on my own?”

Another elder made a noncomitmental noise. This one’s name was Ezume, Ino was pretty sure. Or maybe Ezuko? Either way, he was a Nara. She knew that much. By the sages, she really should know her own clan elders’ names. She’d known them all her life. How was she this bad with names? It was like she’d gotten worse over the years. “We know your capabilities, Ino, but every clan head must have a husband or wife to help shoulder the responsibilities of leading the clan and bring life to the next generation.”

Ino could practically feel Shikamaru and Choji making faces behind her. The elders were trying to be nice about it but they were basically telling them their wives only mattered to bear children for them and keep some stress off their shoulders. If the clans’ stability didn’t rely on the elders so much, Ino would’ve dragged Temari and Karui in here to speak their minds and slap some sense into them years ago.

The Yamanaka elder was speaking again. Ino wanted to say her name was Fumiko but she was pretty sure she was just thinking about her cousin Fū. They looked kind of similar. What ever happened to him? She hadn’t seen him in years. “You’ve had plenty of time to search for your soulmate. If you haven’t found him, we will choose-”

“Ino’s found her soulmate,” Shikamaru interrupted. His voice dull and bored but his eyes were sharp and telling. Ino wanted to punch him but he was out of reach and she didn’t think the elders would appreciate it much.

“Oh?” the elder, Chizo this time, said, looking interested.

“I’ve heard nothing of this,” another Yamanaka spoke up, sounding annoyed. This one was named Haneen, or at least Ino was pretty sure. Close enough. Ino would consider that a win if she wasn’t struggling to think of a response.

“Uh…”

The elders looked displeased. “Why have we heard nothing of this?”

“Um….

Ino looked to Shikamaru and Choji for help but they were already making a break for the door, the traitorous bastards. She turned back to the elders’ angry faces, swallowed away her uneasiness, and steeled herself for the inevitable discomfort that was coming her way. ___________________

Sai was coming back from a mission with Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Kakashi and Yamato when he saw Shikamaru and Choji barreling towards him with panic on their faces.

“We didn’t do it!” Naruto yelped immediately, practically springing away from them. “Tell Granny Tsunade it was just part of the mission!”

The two skidded to a stop and Naruto was met with confusion. “What?”

“...Are you not coming from the Hokage’s office?”

“...No? We were just at a clan meeting. What were you doing?”

“Nothing!”

Sasuke shook his head and sighed while Sakura pinched her brow in exasperation. Sai and Yamato glanced at Kakashi then shared a deadpan look. Naruto really was an idiot sometimes. The Sixth Hokage was standing right next to them. Tsunade was finding out no matter what Shikamaru and Choji heard from them.

Sakura, always the most polite of the bunch, offered Shikamaru and Choji a smile. “Ignore them. Did you need us for something? Do I need to be at the hospital? Or did Kakashi-sensei lose some important paperwork again?”

“If it was really important they wouldn’t let me lose it,” Kakashi piped up lazily.

“We actually came here for Sai,” Choji spoke up. For once, he didn’t have his trusty bag of potato chips in hand. And Ino wasn’t there. That was concerning.

“Is something wrong?”

“Kind of,” Shikamaru said, looking a bit guilty as he scratched the back of his head. “So… I may or may not have told our clan elders that you and Ino are soulmates and they may or may not start harassing you about marrying her.”

Shikamaru spoke quickly and quietly and it took Sai a moment to realize what he was saying. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura, however, didn’t seem to have the same problem.

“You and Ino are soulmates?!” the three screeched in unison.

“I… Yes?” Sai’s head swiveled to look at them in surprise. “You didn’t know?”

“How would we know?” Sakura asked. “Neither of you ever told us!”

“You’ve seen both our soulmarks.”

“Soulmarks are confusing!” Naruto exclaimed and Sai realized he probably should’ve known better than to expect Naruto to connect the dots. He and Hinata practically had the same soulmark, just in different colors, and it’d still taken them years to figure it out.

“We went together to your weddings.”

“I thought you two were just going as friends,” Sasuke admitted and he wasn’t exactly wrong.

That made Sai hesitate. Were they friends? Or were they dating? How was he supposed to remember where they’d been in the relationship all that time ago?

“I’ve spent so much time with just the two of you,” Sakura said. “Are you saying I was third-wheeling on your dates?”

“I mean… No?”

“Wait, Ino’s soulmark is on her arm. Did you know since you met her after our first mission? Have you been dating since then?”

“No.” That was a question Sai could answer confidently. Kind of. Oh by the sages, he really didn’t know what he and Ino were doing, was he?

Sasuke opened his mouth to continue pressing him but Kakashi put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him before he could begin. “You five run along. I’d like to talk to Sai alone. Yamato, make sure they don’t destroy anything. Any more than it’s already been destroyed, at least.”

“No promises,” Yamato said drily and began ushering the younger ninja away from the former ANBU. “Come on, let’s get something to eat.”

“I want ramen!”

“I want barbecue!”

“Ramen!”

“Barbecue!”

“That’s literally all we eat! Can’t you two pick something else?”

Sai watched the group walk away, bickering until they were out of sight, before turning his attention back to Kakashi. The man was watching him with a peculiar look in his eye that Sai didn’t understand. He waited for him to say something but Kakashi remained silent and the seconds soon stretched into minutes.

“Let’s take a walk,” Kakashi said eventually and Body Flickered onto the rooftops. Sai followed him without missing a beat.

“Why did you want to talk to me, senpai?” Sai said once it became clear Kakashi wasn’t going to say something first.

“You looked stressed when Shikamaru said the clan might suggest you and Ino getting married. It takes a lot to get a reaction out of you,” Kakashi said nonchalantly. “I just want you to know you can talk to me if you need someone.”

“I don’t know if there’s really anything to say.” That wasn’t really true but after explaining himself to Shin, and his teammates, and Ino, and Ino’s teammates, Sai had accepted he didn’t really have the vocabulary to express how he felt. But it never stopped him from trying. “I’ve never wanted romance. I like what I have with Ino but it isn’t romance. Everyone expects us to… be like every other soulmate. Be in love, get married, have kids. I’m not really opposed to marrying her but I don’t really want to. The only reason we would is for clan politics. Marriage is supposed to be this ceremony of love and I just don’t… I don’t really feel what everyone else is feeling.”

“Because of your time in ROOT?”

That question was expected but Sai tried not to let it bother him. He was not successful. “I don’t know. Maybe but I don’t think so.”

“Is it a lack of attraction?”

“What?”

That was such a strange question but Kakashi didn’t really seem to understand Sai’s confusion. “Is it a lack of attraction?”

“I don’t… I suppose she’s attractive.” Sai never really thought about her that way but he knew other people thought she was. He’d been hearing it for so long that he believed it. But were those his own feelings or just the influence of others? He remembered wanting to call her ugly when they met but he thought everyone was ugly so he’d called her gorgeous because he thought she’d like it. And he just kept doing it. He’d done it so much that it’d just stuck with him and he’d forgotten the origin of the nickname. By the sages, was every compliment he’d given her the offspring of a lie?

Surprisingly, a look of understanding spread across Kakashi’s masked features. “So you aren’t attracted to her?”

“I just said she’s attractive.”

“That isn’t the same as being attracted to her.”

“What’s the difference?”

“A few years ago, Master Jiraiya gave me this book he’d written that was rejected by his publishers,” Kakashi began and Sai didn’t really know where he was going with this. “You know he writes romances, right? Well, he got this piece of criticism that said if you’re going to write about love and relationships, you need to understand that it’s not all romantic. Or sexual. You can imagine how confused Jiraiya was.”

Sai was kind of lost but he nodded along anyway.

“So he did some research. And not the kind of research he normally does. He actually talked to anthropologists and professors from different nations, I think. He wrote a character that didn’t experience romantic or sexual attraction. She still knew love and could appreciate a pretty face but she knew she wasn’t quite experiencing what everyone else was feeling.” Kakashi paused. “The word for not experiencing romantic attraction is aromantic. The word for not experiencing sexual attraction is asexual. They’re not really common words, it took Jiraiya a long time to come across them, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you hadn’t heard them…”

Kakashi trailed off and Sai’s brain tried to catch up. Sexual attraction? Romantic attraction? They were different? Romantic feelings were supposed to be connected by some kind of desire? Desire to do what? That just sounded really weird. Sai had never heard someone phrase it that way yet it made sense in the most confusing way. “So… wanting to have a romantic relationship has to do with attraction?”

Kakashi shrugged. “Beats me. I’ve never felt that way. I didn’t actually know I’m asexual or aromantic until I read the book and I saw myself in that character.”

“You’re like me?” Sai said in surprise. Almost instantly, his world felt a bit brighter. Like everything was grey and he was seeing color for the first time.

Kakashi nodded. “You know Guy’s my soulmate?”

“Really?” That was actually really shocking but both men covered themselves at pretty much all times, leaving no room for a soulmark to peak out, so there was no way Sai ever would’ve seen either of their soulmarks. Maybe there was a reason for that. Probably not. “I thought you two were just friends.”

“We are, in a way, but we’re also more than that,” Kakashi said, slowing down a bit to try to find the right words. “Guy and I tried to have a relationship when we realized we’re soulmates but it didn’t really work. Guy prefers women and I’m not even sure if he likes men like that. We haven’t talked about it in awhile. And I never really liked anyone that way. But once I heard the words aromantic and asexual, I felt whole. Like I could explain my feelings and I wasn’t missing anything. I didn’t feel broken anymore. After I told him, it was like everything started making sense.”

“Are you two still together?”

Kakashi nodded. “Things got a lot easier when we gave up… The word Jiraiya used in his notes was amatonormativity. That’s kind of like, um, the belief that romantic and sexual relationships are the peak of human experience and everyone should prioritize those kinds of relationships over everything else. You and Ino don’t have to do what our society expects you to do. You can just do whatever feels right.”

Sai nodded slowly. Ino had mentioned once that it felt freeing to not necessarily follow the traditional route of dating but they’d still always felt that pressure to act like a couple. It felt like a huge weight being lifted off his chest to hear that it was okay to do just be. And the fact someone he knew and respected thought it was normal and even encouraged it was priceless.

He opened his mouth to thank the other man but his throat suddenly swelled shut and all that came out was a choking noise. It surprised him, he’d never felt enough emotion for him to be rendered unable to speak. Kakashi looked surprised as well but his eyes soon crinkled with fondness.

“Go to her, Sai.”

Sai was already moving.

____________________

Ino wasn’t expecting to find Sai waiting at her front door when she got home from getting drilled by her elders at the clan meeting.

It looked like he’d been there for awhile. He’d taken out a piece of charcoal and began doodling on her doorstep. It was rather beautiful but she knew she’d have to hose it off sooner or later unless she wanted dusty footprints tracked through her house. He seems pretty focused on his drawing but not enough that he didn’t jump up in surprise at the sound of his soulmate approaching.

“We don’t have to get married!” he blurted out upon her arrival. The piece of charcoal fell out of his hand and cracked on the cement.

“Um, okay,” Ino said slowly. “Really weird thing to say at the beginning of a conversation, Sai, but okay…”

Sai at least had the decency to look a bit embarrassed and hurried to explain himself. “Shikamaru and Choji told you about your meeting.”

“Oh.” Ino felt the muscles in her shoulders tense up. By the sages, that meeting really had been hell. “And…?”

“Apparently my teammates didn’t know we were soulmates. Sakura might be coming here to yell at you soon, by the way,” Sai told her and it took Ino a moment to fully process what he was saying. Had they really not known? Sakura was her best friend. Ino talked to her about Sai all the time. And Naruto had seemed pretty happy when they told him they were going to his wedding together. And Sasuke had a Sharingan for crying out loud! He really should’ve noticed. Sai didn’t really seem concerned about it though. “But that’s not important. I talked with Kakashi and…”

Sai cut himself off, his excitement fading as doubt overtook him. Ino took his hands, ignoring all the charcoal dust on them, and offered an encouraging smile. “And?”

“I think… I think I’m aromantic. And asexual,” Sai told her and he smiled. It wasn’t his usual awkward smile though. He looked genuinely relieved and maybe even a little bit happy. “Apparently some people don’t have romantic feelings at all. There’s a word for it. Aromantic. I think- I think that’s me. I still care about you and I like being with you but Kakashi told me being aromantic is normal and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me or that the universe made a mistake making us soulmates. It just means we can- We can just be us. Sai and Ino. And Sai and Ino don’t have to listen to anything anyone tells us to do. And that means we don’t have to get married. Unless you want to…?”

Ino watched Sai’s face carefully as it flashed between excitement, awkwardness, nervousness, and joy. She’d never seen him express so many feelings, let alone all together in such a short period of time. It was cute. And endearing. Especially when he stumbled over his words like this. By the sages, she loved him. And now she knew he loved her, even if it wasn’t the way she loved him. She was okay with that though. She was definitely okay with that. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Screw tradition. Forget the clan,” Ino said, breaking into a smile as she put her arms around Sai’s shoulders so she could look up into his eyes. “I like what we have. I don’t care if it’s not what I thought I’d grow up to have or if it’s not what my family wants for me. I just want to be with you and it doesn’t matter if we’re friends, lovers, neither, or something between.”

Sai’s smile grew and he just looked so happy. “We’re soulmates.”

“Yeah. That’s what we are. We’re soulmates.”

More AroWriMo Fics By Me, Posted on Ao3, Posted on FFN

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raayllum · 4 years

Text

so, i was really thinking it was over and that things could just fade away, and everyone involved could move on to be happier, healthier, people. but apparently not, because @thearcadialedger / lettersfromxadia posted this.

so i might as well out myself and say that yeah, i am the “cruel and unaccepting” ‘friend’ who blocked her over a personal & political disagreement, and fully intended to keep the entire thing to myself, until now. and here’s why.

1) anyone who’s followed me knows that first and foremost, i take curation of my internet experience very seriously. as i should; it’s my responsibility first and foremost to make sure i’m not continually exposing myself to things that are upsetting. i follow around 200 people on tumblr, period. i unfollow regularly because i can still reblog the content i want from someone by checking the main tags for the content i want to see. i block profusely; terfs, aphobes, people with fandom opinions i’m very tired of seeing, etc. sometimes even pre-emptively. why not cut off a negative interaction before it can begin, like blocking aphobes ahead of time so i never have to see them in the ace tag more than once, right? my dashboard, my responsibility.

2) at the end of the day, i have to be my first priority. that is not to say that i never put other people’s feelings over my own or prioritize people over myself. i do, regularly. i have been the therapist friend on more than one occasion. but staying in relationships or friendships that are not mutually beneficial is putting someone else ahead of myself and at immense detriment to myself.

3) i do not have to entertain (or respect) every single viewpoint in experience. as a queer woman, i do not have to debate or tolerate people who are scarily homophobic. as a white woman, i need to get rid of my white fragility and listen to the people of colour around me, both friend and stranger, regardless of how uncomfortable it may make me.

what happened with thearcadialedger was we had, in my eyes, a friendly acquaintanceship over a series of 4-5 or so months. (i would not call that longterm.) she wanted to get her blog(s) off the ground and i was happy to help and offered promos. she asked if i would join her on her podcast and i offered to bring another fandom friend along as well. i repeatedly had to talk her out of self loathing spirals and be an emotional therapist. my attempts to offer emotional support were repeatedly shut down and ignored and we quickly found ourselves in a cycle in which my own mental health suffered. i offered advice both emotionally and in a fandom perspective. whenever i reminded her that having fun over followers was the most important, and that internal validation was crucial, she flat out ignored me and said things like “yeah but you already have a following” as though 1) tumblr clout is real (it isn’t) and 2) like i hadn’t already built that from the ground up over a 2+ year timespan and that my work/effort was somehow worth less just because it had ‘worked’. she consistently wanted more validation and attention (which, fair, because everyone wants those things, but) in a way and with a mindset that was decidedly unhealthy as it was something she was pouring a lot of self worth into.

she blocked me for a brief stint because i was reblogging things (on my main) that criticized negative aspects of cultural christianity and then had to explain to her, once she had unblocked me, that 1) i don’t hate christians and i was raised as one, and 2) critique of something she belongs to is not a personal attack on her. 53% of white women voted for donald trump. white women (the demographic i belong to) is the demographic i hate the most on a political (societal) level. i am a canadian liberal; that means american liberals are like our centrists.

then, one day around 2ish months ago if i recall correctly, thearcadialedger reblogged something related to black lives matter protests. i cannot remember the post, but i do remember it being the last straw. we had disagreed in the past over gun laws (ex: she didn’t have a problem with guns and i am very anti gun - particularly because it’s easier to smuggle guns into canada from the usa which also puts us, a country with firm gun control, at risk).

this post, however, was reblogged from right wing conservatives, condemning the protests as violent. she also reblogged and added a comment along the lines of “my thoughts and prayers to all those negatively affected by the protests, as well as the protesters.” ie. my thoughts and prayers to cops, ie. property damage is more important than black lives, ie. the protesters who are protesting police brutality and being gunned down by cops at those protests are an afterthought. and it wasn’t a one time thing, either.

i was like, alright, this relationship already isn’t positive to me, this is a shitty political opinion, i don’t feel like being an educator, and if i talk to her beforehand she’ll probably try to either guilt me or berate me, neither of which i want. so it was time to block and leave.

she then proceeded to repeatedly shit talk me and drag me through the mud to a mutual we both shared and a friend of mine, saying that my dislike of conservatives and their policies was the same as threatening to kill her and her family and that i had told her to kill herself (both of which i had absolutely done no such thing). she called me a bigot, among other nasty names. but again, the most concerning things were her political opinions and own defensiveness, which came out in full force.

she said things (and have said them in the past to me) that indicates that she, a white girl, truly and honestly considers conservatives to be her “people,” that conservatives face oppression here and in real life, and that people are “privileged to be a liberal on this site” and she couldn’t “expect [people who are actually oppressed] to understand or know” what that feels like. that it was bigoted of me to dislike and be frustrated with a group of people who have repeatedly campaigned against the rights of black people, women, women of colour, against abortion, and queer rights. and i do have proof of all these statements saved as screencaps, if push comes to shove.

i was understandably angry, frustrated, and done, when she reached out to me again. i responded in an attempt to give closure but at her cherry picking and dodging (refusal to answer whether she disagreed with ACAB, for example; or confirmation that she may vote third party in the 2020 election and have a hand in dooming the country to another four years of tr*mp) i lost my patience and cut ties again.

she then went on another stream of shit talking to the same friend of mine as before, and then reached out to another loved one of mine here on tumblr (who she Knew i was close to) with friendliness in an attempt to, i can only imagine, somehow cozy up to that loved one in attempt to dig her way into my life again.

conservatives regularly lose their shit when more liberal family members cut them out of their lives, not understanding why the political is the personal 99/100. she got upset because i no longer wanted to speak to someone who calls themselves a conservative and a republican in 2020.

she then made a post where she could be taken seriously by leaving me anonymous, as well as collect pity and reassurance by victimizing and martyring herself. she had outright admitted that due to my ‘followers’ a public post against me wouldn’t go well. even though, even when i had apparently been a terrible, awful, horrible person to her, she was requesting that she still be able to reblog, like, and support my content. in what world does that compute, if the goal is anything other than ‘clout’?

so yeah, i reached my breaking point, washed my hands of the whole thing, and moved on in a way that would continue to improve my own mental health. there is nothing wrong in leaving a dissatisfying or harmful relationship/friendship, nor is there in cutting out negativity and dissenting political opinions that are extremely personal to the people who’s very existences are considered political. you are not responsible for anyone else’s emotional wellbeing at the expense of your own.

nor can you be a conservative and support conservative policy without also supporting homophobic or racist policy. full stop. and god knows that libs and dems aren’t perfect either (with a lot of less blatant, maybe, but just as insidious antisemitism in particular) but at least they try and be marginally progressive a decent amount of the time. they’re not trump and his literal nazis in the white house.

if you’re conservative and this bothers you, great. go. if you still wanna reblog thearcadialedger’s content, go for it. i don’t care. just don’t send anyone hate or cruel messages. that’s not what this is about and if you send hate to anyone, you are an asshole.

and i’m not posting any of this for reassurance, praise, or any sort of response, but merely to set the record straight and to get out what i wanted to say about a situation i was a part of. in conclusion, as i think we’ve learned by now: i will never start shit, but i will always finish it.

#thearcadialedger #lettersfromxadia #fandom nonsense #jc man #also the irony of it being okay for her to block ppl with my political opinion but i can't block her for hers bc im a 'big blog'?#ok karen #my 'popularity' has no bearings on my boundaries or my worth

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ownerofidaho · 4 years

Text

also not to fucking mention. LEGIT every argument is like "so i'm demisexual according to this" yeah well... sure? why not? whenever i see arguments that are like, "apparently I'm gray-ace lol that really proves how bullshit the ace spectrum is" nah mate that doesn't prove anything, we don't know your life you might be gray-ace actually. no one care if you're gray-ace bi, het or homo. with those arguments, there’s also the additional subtext of "but I'm normal so that can't be right." Their full statement therefore reads: "so I'm demisexual according to this, but I'm normal so that can't be right". To them, "demisexual" is code for "weirdo", and no one wants to be a weirdo. even worse, if you asked them for a reason why they weren't demisexual I'm sure they'd legitimately say what you just said. They honestly have no clue that their own aphobia is so strong.

i think these people are missing the fact that demisexuality isn't actually supposed to be a secret backdoor to the super cool exclusive asexual society. saying "haha so I'm '''demi'''??? LOL" like it's some sort of GOTCHA loophole?... it's just a word. to describe how some people feel. if the label helps you feel more comfortable with making sense of the world around you, then cool, you're welcome! if you don't think it's necessary, then cool, don't use it! people don’t realize that it’s not a oh i don’t want to be with someone who i don’t have a connection with. it’s a i’m not attracted to anyone and the thought of sex is a bit disgusting unless it’s with someone i have a real connection with.

The hatred and dismissal of aro/ace people is so confusing to me. i think it might stem from some sort of "how dare you be different" thing. so far I've figured out it can come from either insecurity ("do you think being different makes you better than me?! huh?!") or conformity ("here's a list of traits it's acceptable differ in: hair color, which middle-class car you drive, which tv show you watch, etc. you're not allowed to replace your hair with a feather wig. you're not allowed to ride a unicycle instead of car. you're not allowed to swear off watching tv altogether, in favor of only reading books.")

actually, it’s because they think asexual people aren't oppressed and that the only queer experience people get to have is suffering. there's another semi-popular tumblr post floating around about trans people that says (paraphrased) "if you got hrt before 20 and you're family accepted you then you're cis for all i care, we have like two things in common" and that's obviously bullshit, but it highlights their thought process. thing is, being queer isn't inherently based on suffering and it's not a competition where the people who have suffered the most are really queer. like sure, in the eyes of the law asexual people aren't oppressed, but... why would you wish that harm and suffering on them just for some oppression points?

the best way to explain it to people is it isn’t an action, it’s attraction. just because a guy chooses not to have sex with a man doesn’t say anything about his sexuality, he could still very well be gay. this is action. if a man finds himself attracted to a man but chooses not to have sex with him that does not change that he is gay. just like the gay man doesn’t choose to be attracted to men, demisexuals don’t choose who we end up attracted to after the emotional connections are formed. we can choose not to or even to have sex outside of that, but our attraction remains the same regardless of what actions we choose. just like a gay man can choose to have sex with a woman even if he isn’t attracted to her. if demisexuality were normal, porn would not be a thing, being turned on by strangers would not be a thing, etc.

ARO/APHOBES, TRANSMEDS, TERFS, BI/PANPHOBES DNI WITH THIS FUCKING POST.

#e.txt #asexual #ok to rb

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ckret2 · 4 years

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i saw a post saying that alastor is an aphobic caricature because he’s portrayed as heartless and manipulative. is this true?? i didn’t even know asexuals were stereotyped like that

I'm gonna talk about both asexuality and aromanticism in this post because 1) creators have confirmed that Alastor is both ace & aro (the ace part was confirmed much earlier, which is why it's talked about more often than the aro part), and 2) the fictional tropes I'm talking about usually apply both to aces & aros, mainly because the creators using them typically don't separate sexual attraction from romantic attraction.

So, since you hadn't heard of that stereotype before, here is a thing that is true about fiction:

In media—particularly sci-if/fantasy (where you can have characters manipulated on a soul-deep level by technology/magic) and crime/horror fiction (where you have the ever-pervasive remorseless killer and "heartless sociopath" tropes)—characters are often portrayed as "incapable of love" as a way to indicate villainy. (Widely-known example I mentioned just a couple days ago: Voldemort from Harry Potter is described as having been born incapable of feeling love due to Magic, which puts him at odds with heroes who are shown to draw their greatest strength from love.) Often, an incapacity to feel love is also indicated through an incapacity to feel sexual desire (because most allosexual alloromantic people who aren't involved in the queer community conflate romantic desire and sexual desire as the same thing).

In most cases, it seems like the logic behind this is "if I want to indicate that this person is cruel and heartless beyond all measure, what better and more extreme measure can I take than to say that they are simply completely incapable of feeling love/desire?" and this media is usually produced by people to whom it has not occurred that there are, in fact, totally normal people in the world who don't feel love or desire, and maybe there's a better way to suggest that characters are evil than to accidentally lump them in with those people?

In cases like that, usually the character isn't even called ace or aro, especially in older media. Although I wouldn't be surprised if there are some crime procedurals that throw around "our suspect is a cold, manipulative, asexual man" because it's a clinical-sounding buzzword they can use but don't totally understand; but whenever I've seen this trope pop up, a character's purported lovelessness is never treated like a sexual orientation, but rather like a negative mental condition. A negative mental condition that just happens—in many cases probably by accident—to be described the exact same way as actual people's orientations.

I'm sure there are also examples of people going "I'm going to make this character asexual" and then going "I don't know how to write an asexual character except by making them cold, callous, and unfeeling," but I feel like that's less relevant to the background of Alastor's character than the characters who are villains that get asexuality pasted onto them to enhance their villainy.

So on to the question of Alastor.

Now, without an account from Vivziepop on how Alastor's orientation was decided, I don't know her motives in making him ace/aro. Considering that his lack of sexual/romantic desire is being talked about by the creators as an orientation rather than as a negative personality trait, I doubt that she went "I want him to be peak evil so I'm going to sprinkle lovelessness on him to enhance that evilness." Rather, I would bet that it happened the other way around: there's good odds that Vivzie created this murderous cannibalistic character with shallow emotional connections to other people, then thought about his orientation, then went, "I really can't see him ever being attracted to anyone?? Better call him ace/aro."

So, yes, I think that he does end up falling into some of the same boxes as the "loveless evil manipulative villain (who is accidentally coded as ace/aro)" trope. But I don't think it was intentional, and—more importantly—I think there's room in his character to subvert the worst implications of that trope.

Ways that could happen would be by giving him, through gradual character growth, close platonic emotional relationships & a growing conscience without removing his asexuality/aromanticism, showing that loveless doesn't mean heartless; or simply by making his asexuality/aromanticism seem understandable, relatable, and harmless, and most importantly separate from his cruelty.

There are hints already in canon that he could go that way. His brief moment of confused panic in reaction to Angel's proposition in the pilot is one of the most succinct ace jokes I've ever seen, it goes against the "loveless villain is perfectly in control of his emotions and above such shallow things as desire" trope so common to accidentally-ace villains, and it presents his "where the hell did that come from??" reaction as understandable/relatable rather than unfamiliar & alienating. And inwhat few glimpses we've gotten of his prequel comic so far, it looks like Alastor keeps doggedly trying to start conversations with people and being frustrated when they run from him in terror—showing that he wants to reach out and make some sort of connection with other people, so he still desires platonic connections even though he doesn't want romantic/sexual connections. If those trends continue, I'll be satisfied.

So, summary: is he an aphobic caricature? I wouldn't go that far. Does he have significant overlap with "loveless = heartless" villain tropes that don't do ace & aro folks any favors? Yeah, I'd say he does. Could he still end up a well-rounded and interesting piece of ace/aro representation? Yes, he definitely can—but if so, it's going to be in spite of the fact that he's a manipulative cannibalistic serial killer. Like, in terms of "positive ace/aro representation," he automatically gets 20 points docked off his final score before the test even begins—but he doesn't get an automatic failing grade.

For my part, as an ace/aro viewer, I'm waiting to see where they go with his character with eagerness, not dread.

#alastor #hazbin hotel #meta #anonymous #ask #asexuality #aphobia

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thedreadvampy · 3 years

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this is kind of a Hot Take (and rlly long) so don't feel pressured to post this

also no one cancel thedreadvampy over posting this ask if she does these are my beliefs and not necessarily hers kthx

I'm honestly really uncertain why people are so militant about aphobia on this site. like obviously aphobes are Not Nice People and it's good to be against their shitty beliefs. But I've been on this site for ~5 years and I have never, in my memory, seen an aphobe (with the few exception of like. literal nazis but their main label isn't aphobe). I have seen a lot of people who were then harassed/cancelled being called aphobes in addition to a lot of other things like (homophobic, racist, abusive, etc) but as far as I bothered to figure out, the label of aphobe came from one specific phrase they used or one post they reblogged (though I can't be bothered to Deep Research so I genuinely don't know on this one).

(I have seen casual acephobia in my own personal life. however, that is not Tumblr.)

I have seen scores of posts along the lines of "aphobes are bad" "aphobes dni" etc etc.

Maybe it's just who I follow, but it seems like there's a lot more anti-aphobe sentiment than aphobes. Which is good! It's the goal! However, I think it's possible that that anti-aphobe sentiment has not become "look how few aphobes there are! yay!" it's "there are hidden aphobes all around us and you have to interrogate everyone to know who to ostracize"

You're a fairly popular figure in the mechs/tma fandoms and the thing about Tumblr is that it hates popular figures. And more than that, you're visible, so a) people will see if you answer a bunch of questions about ace things, and b) you exist in everyone's brains more than little blogs.

to be clear. to be absolutely crystal 100% clear: I am not saying that people got together and went "let's interrogate all the popular blogs so we can pretend theyre acephobic and have fun bullying people," I'm saying it's possible that what was once a positive emotion, "we don't tolerate intolerant people" has possibly, in some people, morphed into a fear that intolerant people are hiding all around them. And frankly, that fear can be understandable (not right, not kind, but understandable), especially if they face hate irl and their only outlet for emotion is tumblr. shit, Tumblr is one of my emotional outlets.

I don't think it's bad to engage with these people in good faith, or to answer questions, but I think it's possible that some of them are coming from the "intolerant people are hiding all around us and must be ferreted out" kind of perspective instead of a "hey I wanna check that this person isn't an intolerant asshole before following/supporting them" or "I want to engage with a person who may be ignorant" (I'm not attempting to imply that you're ignorant). Im not saying "not answer their questions" this is just, like, my opinion. I'm not making a lot of actionable statements here.

that's my whole Hot Take, hopefully I made some kind of sense, I just honestly feel kind of mad on your behalf that you have to go thru an interrogation to be Not Tumblr Cancelled. If people were generally having a nuanced discussion then that would be fine but you've already stated several times that ace/aspec people are valid and deserve love and respect etc etc. which as an aspec person makes me feel that your blog is safe for me, and I don't feel the need to play 20 Questions Are You Sure You Aren't An Aphobe

I don't know how much of this I entirely agree with and I refuse to think

(not about this. just in general. today I refuse to think)

my main response to this is:

a) I think my confusion is I have less than 1500 followers I think I always assumed the You Are Now A Public Figure People Have Opinions On mark had to be higher than that but this appears to have been a totally incorrect assumption

b) I don't feel like. a threat of Cancellation except inasmuch as I don't want Kofi to eventually get any kind of kickback if I turn out to be or people understand me to be a shitty person. I didn't ask for a platform or do anything to deserve it, if I get distressed it's largely just that I don't want to be a shitty person! and I have a whole thing about. I don't ever feel secure in my ability to say I'm NOT being shitty so like if enough people start saying AH RUTH THEDREADVAMPY IS A GARBAGE PERSON I definitely do stay wondering if they're right even if I think my position is morally defensible. like I'm very easy to get into a spiral of I think that's highly defensible but maybe I'm just in denial/trying to cover my ass/self-justifying so I can avoid accountability/etc. like this is a thing and it's why I'm very uncomfortable with absolutism, a lot of my family in my experience have a phenomenal capacity for denial and for rewriting reality into something they Fully Believe despite all the evidence, and so I'm really conscious of the possibility that I'm doing that and I wouldn't. know about it. it's a really really powerful subconscious force and that's been like. a big fear point for me my whole life. that I could be being a cunt and be obviously being a cunt and be so deep in denial that it just doesn't register at all. this is like. the thing I fear most. So I DO want people to tell me if I'm being a dick because the only way I can 100% know I'm not just in denial is if I can trust people to call me in, but I really, really, really struggle with when people say I'm being a dick and I disagree, not because they're harassing me necessarily but just because it really sends me into a spiral of doubting my own ability to be sure about like, anything. at all. it's a whole unreality thing which is, uh, it's MINE to deal with, it's not something I would want to put on other people, but it very much does affect my responses and I didn't mean to write this but hey, no therapy last week and it shows.

oh also c) on reflection I don't agree that there's very little aphobia on Tumblr (although as I've said I'm not ace or aro so my opinion should hold little weight) but I do think that there's a lack of give and take, not just in aphobia stuff but also in general, in these kinds of conversations, like sometimes yeah people are actively hateful but I don't think there's any room for misunderstanding, poor phrasing, or questioning, and I understand that that's coming from a really genuine place of pain and devaluation of aro/ace experiences but I also think people jump straight to assuming active malice very fast, and often explicitly consider "actively not stating an opinion" to be an offence on the level of "actively staying a harmful opinion," which I think is unhelpful. like. we learn by listening, there are times in my life where I would have been lying at the time to agree unconditionally with something like "I think we should believe survivors" (I was a 2000s teen who hung out with 4channers) but I also was conscious of the harm that it would do to publicly debate from the perspective that No We Shouldn't Believe Survivors, so you know I waited and I listened and I thought about it and ultimately I came to a position I could say with my chest. but like. The online social more that you Have to have an opinion and I Have to hear it to prove that you have the Right opinion is. uncomfortable to me to say the least. I don't think it gives you much room to learn and improve, especially given that everything on the internet is permanent and often treated as if it forever reflects your current beliefs. like I have changed my opinions So Much since I was 16 and if someone went back through a tag on my blog to Prove My Bad Opinions they could paint pretty much any picture they wanted with 12 years of changing opinions.

anyway yeah like. no I don't fully agree with this ask but I appreciate the alternate perspective. I also did not mean to write another wall of text I'm just very much In A Brain Hole today and sometimes words Just Happen.

#i don't want this to pop up in Discourse tags that will double ruin my brain off scrolling experience #but i do want people to be able to filter this stuff out #I'm gonna go wiiiiiiith #thedreadvampy adiscourse #so I'll try to tag everything surrounding the question of aphobia and me with that #no gonnae tag my general depression posting with it though that's just What This Blog Exists For

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