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lani-heart · 1 day

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|| series masterlist || next // previously

parings -> ( eventually ) enhypen x reader genre -> soulmate au, fantasy au, angst warnings -> angst, self-harm word count -> 1.9k

abstract -> "If you treat him like a monster, he’ll turn out to be one"

y/n's perspective

“Why did you help, Jake?” I heard and I saw Jay behind me. How did he find out?

“What?” I asked in hopes of clarity. “Heeseung told me you helped Jake with a human potion… did he force–” “He didn’t… he begged to understand how to feel human so I gave a potion to K to give to him and– he asked for help to be human and that it” I said now panicked and he sighed

“He went off to tell Jungwon, Sunoo, and Niki now,” he said and I sighed. “He asked me not to tell you guys… is… he okay?” I asked and he shook his head.

“The potion is wearing off so he'll be better but he used his fire and burned his arms. They're treating him right now in our dorm so he doesn't get in trouble and neither do you” he said and I sighed.

“I can help–” “Why are you asking to help? He hurt you,” he said and I smiled softly. “It's my magic, and besides he apologized and explained. He’s learning control… and he's also a neurotic vampire. It's why he's so hyper and why his emotions get the better of him” I said and only hugged me.

“You’re too kind for your own good,” he said and I hugged him back. “I… really wanted to continue what I had with Sooha, but you still forgave that I was split,” he said and even tightened his grip.

“Just don’t let people exploit it,” he said and pulled away. I offered him a smile…

“Lets go help, he’s still your friend after all”

When I entered the dorm I could hear cries.

“Ah! y/n!” I heard as I saw… Sooha. I’m glad he had her helping him. “Can you help, please he's in so much pain I don’t know what got to his head!” she pleaded and I nodded.

I then freeze.

“Uhm… Sooha, Jay can you leave the room?” I ask and they look at me confused. “I have to..” I trailed off while I brought a pinout. “Jake isn't good with control–” “I’ll be fine, I can take away his thirst while I'm here,” I said and he nodded and went outside the room I'm assuming only outside the door.

“Go away” he cried while curling himself up in a ball. Sooha tried to bandage his arms. His shirt was off when I saw the burns even exceeded his shoulders.

I pricked my finger letting the blood smear whilst his body shook. “I can’t do anything right,” he muttered. “Ja–” “Sooha just go away… please” he pleaded. He thought I was...

“You don’t understand… What I did to those people hurt as much as what I felt, What I did to her was worse than what I feel” he cried out.

“Jake,” I said and he turned his head slightly from the corner of the couch to see me. I felt my vision blur… just a bit. “Why… why are you here?” he asks and I sigh.

“Well, I warned you not to use your powers,” I said and he only cried more. “I needed to know… I-I’m sorry! I… why… why are you bleeding” he sat up when he saw my hand and shuffled away from me.

“Jake, I'm gonna–” “No! Stay there,” he said when I tried getting closer.

“I’m gonna do a spell… it’s gonna turn you back–” “I’ll hurt you again, just leave!” he yelled and I shook my head. “You won’t feel thirsty until I leave” I explained and he shook his head.

“Jake. I forgive you, okay? So please trust me for now” I asked and he froze. I tried to get close when he started telling me the same thing.

“Ah… Heeseung'' I said while looking at the door. Jake turned when I tackled him and got on top of him, catching him by surprise and doing my spell quickly. “You lied!” he said as I muttered my spell. He then winced when I saw his fangs were coming out. I cut my palm a bit to feed him my blood and did another spell so he wouldn’t turn me into a blood bag.

“Are you crazy! I’m a vampire, I could kill you!” he yelled as he sat up again and gripped my shoulders. “But you don’t feel the bloodlust right?” I asked and he froze. “You’re insane… Why would you do that! And you lied about Heeseung there!” he whined, making me laugh.

“But… Thank you for helping me. It doesn't help my emotions' ' he said, his pain is gone but not his guilt. “Jake, you can only do one thing to improve this, '' I said and he stared at me, eager to fix his mistakes.

“Live in fear to commit the same mistakes, Choose to live in bloodlust, or actually improve. To improve you need to accept being a vampire and your mistakes. You need to forgive yourself” I said and he couldn’t say a word.

“What you did was stupid” I heard and this time it was Heeseung. “The blood spilled in your hand would have driven him–” “You need to give him more credit than that. If you treat him like a monster, he’ll turn out to be one” I said and he looked at me dumbfounded.

“But it doesn’t mean he is. I get told how much of a freak I am by the humans… vampires, and hybrids because I use magic. It doesn’t make me one, though” I said and he stayed silent.

“If you need help, my doors are open,” I said to Jake and I noticed a weird position.

“Uhm! Sorry for this by the way” I said and ran for the door.

“Blood!” I was now surrounded… this time by my mates and Sooha waiting outside the door. “Sooha, go inside,” Sunghoon said as he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her inside with him. “I… think I'm going too,” Niki said.

Left with three. “You’ve got a lot to explain,'' Sunoo said and I smiled nervously…

Where do I start?

jake’s perspective

When she left, Heeseung said nothing. Instead of going to his room, I then noticed Sooha, Sunghoon, and Niki enter. She was still bleeding.

“You did not drink her blood!” Sunghoon said and I shook my head. “No–” “You have her blood on your face!” Niki screeched and I shook my head.

“She… I don't know! She did spells! She forced her blood into me!” I yelled defensively and they scoffed. They haven't marked her yet… let alone tasted her blood.

“Just don’t do it again” Niki muttered as he left being a grumpy kid.

“Jake, are you okay?” Sooha asks worriedly and I nod. “y/n… is too forgiving. She also helped me alot” I said and she smiled. “Maybe this will–” “Don’t mention this again Sooha” I said and she only offered a shy smile.

“Are you okay, Hoon?” I ask, noticing his staring off like he usually does. “Mhhmm, Solon is… annoyed with you” he muttered as he didn’t stop staring at the floor. “Is it the blood?” I ask and he nods. “You do have her blood on your cheek,” Sooha said and I felt my eyes widen.

“Uhm! I’m gonna go to my room!”

I cleaned my face while I was alone with my thoughts.

Why’d she help me… defend me against Heeseung? After what I did? I would hate me, even wish the worst for me. Why was she so… kind?

“You’re lucky, hyung!” I heard as I left my bathroom to see Jungwon and Sunoo. “Yah! Get off my bed! Your clothes are dirty–” “Why’d you wanna be human anyway?” Sunoo asked.

The two used to be human… “I wanted to know how it felt,” I said and Jungwon sat up. “It's not fun,” he said and I nodded. “It isn't,” I agreed. “What you did to her wasn’t fair Jake. Just because she forgave you doesn't make it right” Jungwons scolded.

“I know… I want better control. I need to get better” I said and he sighed. “That's a good first step,” Sunoo said and I nodded.

“How come you two turned out so smart?” I asked them. And they chuckled, “Heeseung's sister says we must've been blessed with it,” Sunoo said.

“I swear you two seem to be her favorite, '' I said as I jumped on my bed in between the two. “Well… she’s not the best at hiding things. We know at some point we’ve met in another life, but only Heeseung knows” Jungwon said and I chuckled.

“Do you think in another life, we knew each other?” I asked them and they laughed.

“Of course hyung!”

I know I wasn’t allowed here.

I knocked on the door and hoped Wonyoung wasn’t there.

“Hello,” she said as she opened the door. “Oh thank goodness! Wonyoung isn't here right?” I asked and she laughed. “No, you're lucky. Are you feeling better?” y/n asked and I nodded.

“I wanted to ask if you wanted to join me for breakfast?” I asked and she smiled. “Why not?” she said as she went back in to get her bag.

“Where's my mates?” she asked. “Asleep, Jungwon and Sunoo slept over in my room. Niki also joined so they are still asleep in my room. Heeseung is nowhere to be seen, Jay… I think in Home-Ec, and Sunghoon in his jealousy arc” I said and she laughed.

“What?” she said while laughing.

“Your blood was on me… and well drinking your mate’s blood is an intimate thing,” I said and I noticed her cheeks redden. “Also I’m sorry about your hand,” I said while I saw her bandaged hand.

“It's nothing I'm not used to,” she said and I smiled.

“I wish we had time to get breakfast outside the campus but, it'd be impossible without skipping homeroom,” I said and she chuckled. “I don’t mind skipping,” she said, shocking me.

“You're supposed to be the number one! The top student! President of Bright Sun student council, who are you!?” I said dramatically, making her laugh more. “I was gonna skip, I was just gonna use the excuse of stuco” she said and I stopped.

“Let's go then!”

We made it to the city where not many students were since class was gonna start.

“Your mates are gonna freak out,” I said and she chuckled. “They skip more than me,” she said and I knew that was probably true.

“Ooh! I need you to try this! It's a witch's place, but you can come in with me!” she said excitedly as we went into a breakfast place.

“This just looks like human food,” I said while looking at the menu. “It has magic in it! It's really cool!” she said excitedly that it made me just stop and stare.

“Jake? Are you okay?” she asked and I nodded.

“I’m jealous that they get to have a chance with you,” I said but I didn’t mean to say it out loud. She smiled softly. “Well, you did reject me,” she said jokingly.

“I know and I'm an idiot–” “Jake! Do you want to be my mate?” she asked, throwing me off guard. She giggled since I must've looked like an idiot.

“Yes! I… I wanna be your mate” I said and she smiled. “Ah! I’ll even pay–" "I won’t argue,” she said and I laughed.

“Thank you, y/n”

taglist -> @sunus-sun @loumin908 @on-1ce @shinkenprincess-oh @b-a-nshee-blog @bnnyniky @sakuxxi @chiiiiiiiiis @cncreams @pre1ttyies @justanunstablefrog @graythecoffeebean @starzniiky @singlepringle4you @chirokookie @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @imtoanonymousforyou @lovgfrd @ilovecheese09 @sousydive @pink-but-rosie @kyleebob @jihyosgf @in-somnias-world @jilxxasu @bee-the-loser @mitchikeli @cyberpunksunwoo @lhspeachie @loafsunshinesworld @vixensss @zhenya109 @luumiinaa @rosas-in-the-garden @b3tt7boop @moony-mari @vixialuvs @ilovecheese09 @capri-cuntz @emma2black @skzhoes

please don't be a silent reader !! reblog, comment, and like <3

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ashipiko · 2 days

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DANCE WITH ME YOU LI-IA-IAR ♡

OVERBLOT ASHI??? ANYBODY??? the ANGST that this baby can store!!! SHEESH!!!!!!! <3 I only have one post dedicated to her and liar dance lyric analysis (the post is kinda outdated in gen) BUT…… I also have an overblot monologue as a treat 🫶 I wanted to better explain her angst and so!!! BABAM!!! enjoy

ASHI’S MONOLOGUE:

Sometimes I wonder why I ended up here.

A place named “Twisted Wonderland”, and at a school named “Night Raven College”.

At first, I figured that I was the odd one out— Y’know, the Ramshackle prefect and everything. The magicless girl at the magical all boys school? Nuts, ain’t it?

I’m known for a lot of things. Things that are different from the others. The fact that I stand out is part of the Ashi charm, something I’m known for.

But… Over time I found myself sorta feeling in place here.

Because as much as I try to believe it, I can’t safely say that I’m better than anyone else here.

I’m a fake. I make conversation and lots of friends, but for what? A backup in case something goes wrong? A sense of protection for my reputation? In what case are any of those friendships something I truly want? In what case are any of these strings more than just a tool instead of a thread made of my real feelings?

Behind this, I’m no different from any other student here. Even through my individuality, my cheerfulness, my endearing oddness… I’m still a horrible person. Using people to get what I want, toying with people and their feelings in order to gain power and gain a spot the top. All to become untouchable. It’s screwed. It’s not right.

My insides are ugly. The truth of me is something I want to keep tucked away deeply, because I don’t want people to see this part of me. A brash, annoying, selfish version of me, everything people hate to see. I don’t want this side of me to be seen because people will run away— people I don’t care much about, sures, but people I love, too. I don’t want to drive them away. So I keep quiet and give them a shallow show.

I give them a source of entertainment that’s controlled by the real me, every calculated movement translating into a marionette-like response. The only show I allow you to see is one that’s so carefully crafted by the chaotic clown backstage. The one that is shunned away from the light, the strings being the only hint of the puppet’s phony existence to the foolish audience.

But suddenly, I feel as if being here has started to let this side of me come crawling back into the spotlight.

It scares me.

It scares me to be vulnerable, let all of my faults lay out on the table like playing cards. To take the risk without the protection, to gamble everything I’ve built up away just like that. But you…

You.

You make me feel safe. You make me feel as if I don’t need to hide anything. I can give you the key to my heart and you would have no malicious intent. You wouldn’t cut out the parts people don’t like. You would enjoy the performance in full, every bit of it.

You make me believe that I’m nothing special, and yet something so valuable at the same time.

It’s silly. You’re silly. And yet that’s something that’s helped me.

It’s helped me realize that that truly is just how people are.

We aren’t villains. We aren’t antagonists. We aren’t monsters.

We are nothing but people, with faults and feelings that should be valued.

I am more than just a jester, a sake of entertainment.

I’m a person who is entirely worthy of love. All of me.

It reminds me that I must’ve came here for a reason.

Because this is where I belong.

#they drive me nuts. tbh #PLEASE LISTEN TO LIAR DANCE ITS SOOOOOOOOOO #!!! envy baby is also a big Ashi OB song #it’s so fun. she’s so fun #if you can’t tell her overblot works in like….. she IS the blot monster. or the (real) Ashi AKA the jester is #if she represents the true Ashi then the marionette Ashi represents what she pretends to be/puts out into the world #so even if you’re attacking the jestershi and the more antagonistic seeming of the two…… all you’re doing is feeding into the blot itself #as you’re doing what ashi’s afraid of— berating the real her #the solution is to kill the marionette!!! btw!!!!! and that’s what ace does #DW THEY ARE SO FINE AND OK. NO ISSUES HERE #ashace my beloved #ace trappola #ace trappola x oc #twst ace #twst yume #twst #twisted wonderland #twst oc #twst wonderland #disney twst #twst yuu #twst oc x canon #ashipiko draws ♪#twstshi #I DONT THINK I REALLY POST ABOUT ASHACE LORE A LOT #APRY FROM LIKE? THE FIC ITS IUST SILLIES #so I hope you guys enjoy!!!!!!

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taylorswiftstylequestions · 2 days

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Sorry this ask turned into an essay — as I explain I have a personal connection to this topic and a lot of thoughts on it, ha

On the topic of Taylor’s discussion of Joe’s depression — I have never seen anyone claim that she has made fun of it, but I have seen some discussions from people who feel that she’s been unfair or insensitive with how she’s spoken about it, or that she broke up with him because he was “too depressed” and that she was blaming him for things he can’t control. Renegade has been used as an example of this, and more recently So Long London (specifically “you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days).

I don’t want to speak for anyone but myself here or invalidate anyone’s feelings of hurt with how Taylor addresses these topics (because that is entirely fair to be hurt by if you interpret it in that way), but I will say this: as someone who has been on both sides of this equation (I have clinical depression that I’m in the process of getting medication for, and I’ve also had multiple relationships with people who were going through severe mental health struggles that I was trying to support them through), I don’t think that the way Taylor has referenced Joe’s depression affecting her in her music seems cruel to him. I’ve never gotten the impression that she is blaming him for struggling or that she expected him to just stop struggling and get better, or even that that’s the reason their relationship ended. I think there’s a lot of frustration in those songs, and while I understand why some may balk at that, it can be really frustrating at times to love someone who doesn’t love themselves, or who is pushing you away at every turn. It’s not their fault, and I don’t think Taylor is framing it as such, but that can make it even more frustrating when it feels like things are breaking down and there is nothing you can do to fix it.

And I feel like it’s kind of taboo to talk about those feelings because (in my experience at least) they’re wrapped up in so much guilt? I was in a relationship very similar to the one described in Renegade once, and I would get into this cycle where my partner would be struggling, I would try to help them, they would push me away and/or say things that would really hurt me, I would feel upset and hurt, but then feel so guilty for being upset and hurt because I knew they didn’t mean it the way it felt and that this wasn’t about me, so I would just keep those feelings to myself and say nothing, and it would start all over again. These aren’t pretty emotions at all, and I fully understand why some people are hurt by the way Taylor talks about them, but I think there’s a big difference between “I’m frustrated because my partner is struggling and I feel like I’m giving them everything I have but nothing ever changes and it’s hurting me” and “my partner is too depressed to deal with, why won’t they just get over it?”

I’ve had loved ones tell me tell me to just stop being depressed before — I know that hurt very well, and at least to me, this feels different. Honestly I really appreciate songs like Renegade and So Long London because hearing someone else talk about that experience has made me feel less like I was some uniquely horrible person incapable of being the perfect supporting partner that I should have been. I think it’s just a shitty, frustrating situation where no one is solely to blame, and I think that’s how Taylor presents it.

But again, this is just my opinion — I can totally see how and why people might interpret them differently and feel hurt by them, and I don’t want to speak over those feelings at all

Hi friend! First of all tysm for being so open and honest about your personal struggles with both yourself and past relationships - I'm grateful you feel you can be safe here talking about that. And secondly in your grace and empathy in understanding the many potential sticky layers of feeling here and how this might be ruffly and uncomfortable for people. I love that so much.

My interpretation has always very much been in alignment with yours. And I think if this album was seeking to do any one thing it was to wield honesty like a blunt force instrument - even and especially when the truth is uncomfortable and can be alienating. I've never once interpreted her documentation of a partner's mental health struggles as "get over it" (is there anyone who better understands how fucking hard it is to get over literally anything than Taylor?). But I feel the line that haunts me most is, "I gave you all my best me's / My endless empathy / And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier". And the uncomfortable truth is that it is so incredibly painful to be in love with someone who doesn't love themselves and who has proven (despite years of begging and pleading and patience and kindness) that they are not interested in becoming someone who can love you better. And it's unfair and shitty and horrible to have your "spine split from carrying [both of you] up the hill" for years. You feel sad for them. You feel sad for you. You feel sad that you feel sad. And then you feel mad that they are making you sad. And and and.

#tss ttpd party #opinion

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cowabungaits-drshrimppuertorico · 10 hours

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Ok so I made a post on my main about things that irk me in certain Ace Attorney fanfics and now I wanna do another but with more of the sexual things in A A fanfics that irk me.

Let me start this by saying I am not putting anyone down for thinking along these lines and I’m also a bisexual genderqueer person, not a gay or bisexual man. But I still wanna talk about how these two are usually portrayed in relationships and how kind of tropey and gross some of them are.

I have a lot of thoughts on this. And it might be disjointed so bear with me.

So, for one thing, Miles is not the designated bottom and Phoenix is not the designated top. People do this because Miles is seen as a twink and pretty boy (and I’ll give you pretty boy, but if anything Miles is a twunk) and Phoenix is seen as more masc and manly (He is also a twunk). And I can give you most of those but that all doesn’t nesscarily mean that Miles is the bottom and Phoenix is the top.

This happens a lot with gay/bisexual male relationships. The bi guy is usually the top and the gay guy is usually the bottom. (Think of Zuko x Sokka from ATLA and Ryan and Chad from High School Musical) (Surprisngly, these two ships are also blue/red) ANYWAY. It just irks me because I don’t think that’s actually good relationship representation for them? And good representation for gay relationships in general.

If anything, they’re switches.

The more fem guy doesn’t always have to be the bottom and the masc guy doesn’t always have to be the top. And the gay guy doesn’t always have to be the bottom and the bi guy doesn’t always have to be the top.

This also is how it usually goes for Kristoph and Phoenix. Phoenix is seen as the top because he’s more manly and a hunk and Kristoph is seen as the bottom because he’s more feminine. But I don’t think that’s the case.

If anything, they’re also switches. (Kristoph likes the control when he tops and Phoenix likes the power he has over Kristoph because of what happened with his badge and it’s a way to gain power back)

I guess this is also my headcannons but it just irks me and I can’t help it and I wanna talk about it.

I might add more but that’s about the gist of what irks me personally. Feel free to comment and add but please do not be mean.

#ace attorney #aa #Narumitsu #mitsunaru #Wrightworth #edgewright #wrightedge #I guess?#worthwright #gay

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perrysoup · 14 hours

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“You’re becoming a one issue voter”

Bitch how is “stop supporting and funding genocide” a single issue?

- funding terrorism

- arresting protestors (Biden isn’t stopping states and silence is agreement)

- silencing free speech

I think those are 3 super fucking important things

And regarding specific policies that politicians make “oh but they don’t have control of X” those promises weren’t made with that exemption. “Elect me and I’ll do X” is not “if I have complete control”. Presidential orders can be done outside of congress. “Oh but they can be removed by the next guy” and that’s a problem with the next guy.

Why the fuck is the solution “it could be reversed so we can’t do it” and not “I’ll do it and my opponent can’t deal with explaining how to justify reversing it”

Also, that’s EVERY FUCKING LAW AND JUDGEMENT!

The USSC they don’t give a fuck about precedent, so just fucking do the stuff and let the people force politicians to try rip it from our fucking hands

Your complacency is disgusting, and your feeling that somehow you don’t deserve more is saddening.

#palestine #free palestine #gaza #free gaza #israel #israel is a terrorist state #genocide #gaza strip #fuck the israeli government #idf is a terrorist group #us politics #us supreme court #Biden #trump #democrats #republicans #united states

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annabelle-creart · 2 days

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A lil Blurr redesign for the Life of Rescue Bots Au because I wanted her to look femenine (I know in the show is male but Rescue bots don’t have enough women and I wanted some body angst for the Chase and Blurr plot, and by that I mean father and daughter plot)

I added the lil things that look like antenae cause of Chase’s moving fins of his head sides, that move when he hears something, and also I added an ambulance mode because they really need a real ambulance in the program, they don’t even have one in academy :v

In conclusion: i keep much of the body shape cause of her personal plot but also wanted her head to look femenine, and of course her character as well, added and alt mode ambulance and antennae so she would look physically more to Chase

In this Au she was an ilegal racer back on Velocitron before the war knock at the planet, she was one of the best but always get injured, the debts were higher and with the police getting out of control just as the people, she and Salvage decided to escape together to another planet near, but something went wrong and they both ended up crashing on earth and then into stasis, if they weren’t asleep so much time they would probably had Chase’s age but due to the stasis, they remain as teenagers, the day the sky turn red and green due to the battle between Mandroid and the autobots, the ship they were trapped into send a signal to Griffin Rock, because it was near, so the rescue team went into the rescue and awake them, becoming since then the two new members of the rescue team with Sissi. Even if sometimes acts like a kid she is really passionate and love people but is a little insecure in the moment of recieve and give care, she was orphan just like Salvage, they only learned to trust in each other, even when Blurr treat Salvage like less and lie to him too much times to count it or Salvage says things at her ear to annoying her and keep her away from the rest.

it’s actually something i want to talk about not here but in a comic but if Blurr and Salvage are teenagers who grew up alone and treated like scrap i would not be surprised that they depend too much into each other at the point of a toxic relationship where Blurr treats Salvage like less even if can’t do anything without him and Salvage makes her think no one is enough or secure for her except him, so, yeah, both have problems and need therapy… you know? I’m going to edit Salvage’s psychiatric disorder from ‘none’ to ‘emotional dependent’ I literally just thought in the idea and like, i didn’t even planned that Salvage and Blurr would be such a mother fraggers ajksjaksjs

But don’t think wrong, Blurr and Salvage are not bad, they are just hurted and don’t know how to deal with the situation, Blurr can be a little egotistical for all the years she had been thinking and taking care about herself and Salvage talk to her just like she wants because he knows her well, enough to be like a second conscience, they do what they think necesary to survive because what is now a toxic relationship was Salvage’s superhero who could keep him safe and sound and never allowed a night without energon, and Blurr’s family who cure her wounds and kept her faith in humanity (well, velocitranity?), they just were together too much time and started treating the other with more authority than they actually have.

I think sleep absence is making me do angst, night mfs, I need more sleep than Kade dreaming with gremlins

#art #for you #artists on tumblr #illustration #oc artwork #transformers #for your page #rescue bots #Life Of Rescue Bots Au #Blurr #Salvage #tf rescue bots #tfrobotsindisguise

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davidjrpalos · 1 month

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why has the topic of the month been my transness or whatever. I have been thinking about my place here a lot lately, how that effects my relationships etc and I’ve been coming to good conclusions but then my family lately feels like they need to give me their opinion how I should conduct myself and feel about certain things instead of just listening to me when I decide to talk about it. and it’s not even a cis people problem particularly bc my best friend is the only person in my life that really understands where I come from. I just wish I had more of that I guess, especially nearby. I made my room a peaceful place for myself but I don’t feel seen and like a part of my family when it comes to things like this. and being told over and over in conversation “I will never understand what you’re going through” really is not a comforting statement to hear even though it was intended that way.

#I just feel more outcasted #and I know my solution isn’t get into the queer scene or whatever I’m not really social like that #I’ve just been missing this one thing I guess I just want to feel seen as a person and not as my circumstances/placement in the world #my identity isn’t a big deal to me and it just feels like im always being told how to feel about it and to always think about it #feel like I always just get boxed into that one label when to me it’s the simplest thing about me #I don’t want to be characterized by the moment I have to stick up for myself. there’s more important things about me than the problems #people give me for a thing I can’t control #text

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swampthingking · 10 days

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oh! oh </3 oh!! okay!

#he KNEW that apologizing in the nest was futile but when he thought riko was back he STILL APOLOGIZED #HE DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHO WAS TOUCHING HIM BUT HE WAS ALREADY APOLOGIZING #his genuine confusion makes me SO SAD #he’s been through so much but he's still like. so...innocent #his “normal” is so fucked up. he can’t even fathom how wrong the things that happened to him were #he knows firsthand that apologizing does nothing to break his fall and he's like... “is this a trick?”#like “what do you mean you’re not going to beat the shit out of me after i accidentally hit laila in a triggered state?”#“what do you mean there are ways to solve problems without violence?”#and him saying “i can't promise it won’t happen again” (lashing out when triggered)#as in: when it happens again i am expecting to be punished #as in: i will apologize if that's what you want. if that means you won't hit me. if it pleases you.#as in: but when it happens again-do what you must. i will deserve it.#he’s been hurt so often so badly that protecting himself is second nature #he has never been around safe people #his first instinct is fight or flight #his body is protecting him before his brain can catch up #and he obviously does not want to hurt them #but its so fucking HEARTBREAKING because he KNOWS he won't be able to control it when fight or flight kicks in #and if they are going to be around him it is inevitable he will resort to violence. it is all he knows.#but he still cares enough to prepare them for that reality #like. “i can't promise i won't hurt you again” and “i don't mean to” and “punish me as you see fit”#he's giving them permission to HURT HIM for protecting himself #tsc spoilers #tsc #the sunshine court #all for the game #aftg #jean moreau #the foxhole court #tfc

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jamiesfootball · 10 months

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Ramblings about my own fic-

Man I knew I wanted to tackle Colin in the wake of coming out publicly, but I did not expect the way this path has taken me. Because while that is The Thing Going On, it is not the thrust of his story, at least not as far as we get it when filtered through a Roy Kent POV.

Anyways I wrote the Big Talk between him and Roy yesterday, and it’s a lot about self-esteem and where Colin fits into the dynamics of the team, and I’m quite proud of it but I also can’t share details because spoilers and it’s killing me

#I have told one (1) person a bit of the details of Colin’s storyline in this fic #and their casual watcher response was ‘ooohh you might be giving me Colin feels’#which yes! that is what I want!#the thing about Colin is he is normal he is literally Just Some Guy - and he knows it!#and the spotlights on him now for this thing that is intrinsic to him - isn’t something he did isn’t something he could control or decided #and he isn’t Jamie with his Jamie-ness or Sam with his integrity and morals or Isaac with his strong personality and swag #he isn’t even one of the best players on the team!#he is just Some Guy. and he’s had his whole life to become acclimated to that fact #and now that he’s in the spotlight for this one thing he can’t help but feel like a bit of a disappointment #in that way that people who don’t want the spotlight tend to feel it wasn’t meant for them in the first place #colin hughes #[redacted title] post season three fic #ted lasso fic

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krbkss · 9 months

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mha 395

has anyone brought this up yet </3

#toga and the league are the dearest thing to me and i hate how it’s just words now #love togachako but also fuck all that shit ! she couldn’t live the way she wanted so she decided to have control on her death at least #dying the way she wanted. do you have any idea how dark and fucked up that. sacrificing herself for the only person who ever accepted her #because the world never did. i wanted so much better for her #except for the league who accepted her ofc but as i said they suddenly matter very little ? :/#like she was supposed to live for herself and for jin not do the same exact thing he did #i hope this isn’t the end but i also hope h*wks isn’t involved in giving her his blood n shit #they need to talk it’s about fckn time actually but he needs to stay 20 ft away from her #he can learn from his hero enji and from ochako NOT sacrifice himself or give blood and call it day. live and learn and atone and practice #self reflection for once #and toga’s FRIENDS can give her their blood. oh that would mean so much for her !!#anyways yeah i’m pointing and laughing at whoever yelled at people who understandably took what the last ch was building up to with a grain #of salt. see what happens? i thought we all knew by now that lesbians can’t have shit #but yeaaaa i want toga and the league friendship. please don’t let this be it i can��t believe mhui is the only thing feeding me rn #league of villains #my post #mha leaks #mha spoilers

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delicateimage · 6 months

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Hey girlies update time… I’ve been sent to a clinic for my weight and it’s been really stressful and my life is kinda falling apart lol there’s defiantly good aspects to it but ughhh I’m like :( bc my diets had to change so much and I feel so unproductive now and I’m really scared about gaining weight but they’d said I’d like die or whatever if I didn’t which um. I genuinely feel so disgusting heavy and sick and disgusting and DISGUSTIGN eww and my disordered eating brain is coming back in full force after silently controlling me for like nearly years at this point and it’s all so much. the hardest thing about this is that I don’t want to gain weight at all and particularly I don’t really even care to live anymore. I’m scared everyday I’ll fall deeper and deeper back into disordered eating I’ll get lonelier and lonelier I’ll get fatter and fatter I’ll lose everything I’ve ever built for myself… ugh this is a mess but ong.

#it’s hard because I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging like HEYYYY I GOT HOSPITALOZED FOR BEING A SKINNY QUEEN YASS but omg I can’t #this is so sickening I feel so fat and disgusting there were two days where I could feel like I could eat the calorie count they gave me but #now I feel like a FAT FUCKING BEKUGA WHALE I feel like I gained 40 pounds in a day I feel so hulking and disgusting I’m eating so much ew #the self harming intentions came back because I lost my only form of control over my autonomy. I feel like there’s no other way for people #to hear me other than harming myself and depriving myself #I feel like such a waste #it’s like tomorrow I want to go back restrict restrict restrict restrict eat 5 calories exercise for an hour #but I just can’t.#I don’t have anyone to talk to because no one understands.#I feel so lost #the one thing I enjoyed about the diet change is the snack kinda… it gives me motivation to keep going.#everything is so stressful though and I don’t know how to encapsulate everything AT ALL ugh #I’m so tired and I just want to fall over and die already but… idk #I want to restrict really badly. I want to purge and fast again. I want to become anorexic. I was at to scream out and cry and say that I’m #hurting and I’m weak and I can’t take it anymore #ugh #omg I haven’t made a huge tumblr rant in months omg I haven’t USED tumblr really in months omg #my ED loves tumblr like girl hey

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sexynetra · 1 year

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ITS STILL SUNDAY TECHNICALLY SO I CAN STILL DO SIX(ish) SENTENCE SUNDAY :)

If I stop being stupid for like 3 seconds, chapter 5 will be up this week :)

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One shot.

Sugar and Anetra were together. And there was nothing Marcia could do about it.

Two shots.

There was something Marcia could have done about it. But she had chosen not to. So she had no right to be upset now that she had given them the go-ahead.

Three shots.

She was upset. Incredibly upset. Getting drunk wasn’t making her any less upset.

Four shots.

Five.

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thebluestbluewords · 1 year

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Tide Pool Adventures

“You cannot eat a raw jellyfish.” Evie says firmly. “We share one bathroom, and I am not skipping my skincare routine just because you decided to eat the ocean and gave yourself food poisoning.”

“Maybe the jellyfish should be your new skincare routine,” Mal says thoughtfully. “It looks soft and slimy enough.”

“Gross. I don’t want to put things you pulled out of the ocean on my face.”

“Or in your mouth, apparently.” Mal teases. She’s in an unexpectedly good mood. The beach, which she’d expected to be bright and sunny and full of cheery tourists, is instead slightly overcast and full of interesting things that have washed up right by the edge of the water. There’s an intriguing amount of slime in a series of pools that’ve formed under the wooden dock, and she’s got a plastic bucket that was definitely intended for children and a vague plan to gather a bunch of slime to dump on the boys later.

“I don’t want to put anything you haven’t cleaned with soap in my mouth.” Evie says, wrinkling her nose at the thought. “And that includes you, M. We really need to stay somewhere with a shower soon.”

“Aww, you don’t love my natural scent?” Mal says brightly. She’s still got the dead jellyfish in one hand. It’s really fun to touch. Maybe if she can put some sort of preservation spell on it, they’ll be able to fit it somewhere in the truck.

Evie takes a subtle step away from Mal’s jellyfish hand. “I love so many things about you, and the fact that you sweat more than most grown men I know is not one of them.”

#my fic #descendants #descendants fic #I’m really not sure if Evie is someone who would Care about skincare but the thought of jellyfish face mask made me laugh so #sometimes a road trip is about multiple things #and I think for Evie one of those things is going to be giving up the illusion of control over things #because I was in fact the annoying one in high school who needed to be constantly running logistics for everyone else #and the freedom to let go and just say fuck it and hop in the car #has been extremely freeing #also trying to run heard on a convention and then a whole summer camp burnt me out ✌️✌️#so maybe it’ll turn out that Evie actually loves and thrives on being in charge of other people #and her larger arc will be realizing that she wants to be a cruise director and boss other people around for a living #hmmm that feels much more appealing than giving her my anxieties about being In Charge Of Things #this verse is a collection of tiny pieces because I can’t decide on the larger arc yet lmao

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