#personally i still need a confirmation from the admins that everything is alright

[becomingbts]

Find a Way (15)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Type: angst-fluff-supernatural-series

Warning(s): deals with suicide and death. If you’re not comfortable with that subject, I suggest you don’t read it. Supernatural au.

3.2k

Summary: “If you accept, you’ll go back in time each time you’ll fail.” “I don’t care, I’ll save her no matter what.”

In 2011, he left everything behind so that he could follow his dreams. Yet, he also left his bestfriend, the one who supported him to go to the auditions, the one who cheered on him, the one who brought him banana milk when he felt down, but also the one who killed herself a day before he finally came back home.

Notes: Hello everyone! It’s been a while since I updated this series, I’m so sorry!! I keep on trying to finalize proofreading and then I get stuck and forget for a while, but I hope you’ll like this new chapter! I plan on trying to make more consistent update as we’re nearing the end of the story! I hope you’ll enjoy it!! Take well care everyone, love you lots!

Admin Dolly

Chapter 14 - here - Chapter 16

Fourth Timeline

"She what?" Jungkook froze, unable to comprehend her words.

"My sister. She died in an airplane crash. She was supposed to come back today from her school trip. I... I was supposed to t-take her home tonight," Jungkook's eyes widened as it finally made sense; it suddenly clicked. The postcard from France, (Y/N)'s sudden departure from work, the fact that no one knew where she had gone... It was all because her sudden departure for Seoul had never been planed this early. She was supposed to leave after work, only during the afternoon to fetch her sister.

Jungkook put his confusion aside even if it finally started making sense; he had to support her, it was more important than him trying to put the puzzle's piece together. 

"A-are you alright?" He tentatively asked even if he already knew the answer to the question.

"How am I supposed to be? The only person that stuck to me my whole life just left. How am I supposed to be alright? I swore to protect her with everything that I had-"

"Hey, hey, hey (Y/N) it's not your faul-" she cut him abruptly.

"I could have prevented it from happening!! I should have told her no from the very beginning when she asked me if she could go on that trip, I should have said no! I could have done somet-"

"(Y/N), it's not your fault, listen to me," she went quiet after his sudden yell, startled. His own eyes had also widened, bewildered by the volume of his own voice, yet he knew that he had to cut her rambling. Self-blaming would not help anyone, her sister would sadly remain deceased. How could she blame herself for agreeing to a trip? Of course, she would agree. Jungkook knew better than anyone else that (Y/N) always had to skip school trips because she never got the means for it. It was a given that she would say yes to her sister. "It's not your fault, you wanted her to be happy and not to miss trips like you did when we were younger right?" She looked away briefly and Jungkook got the confirmation he needed. Even if they didn't speak for years, he just knew her and he could tell that she probably used all her savings for her sister to go. (Y/N) had never had the possibility to go on school trips when both of them were younger. When her parents had died, she received monetary help but never got enough to go on trips with the whole class. The provided financial help was supposed to support her in her studies and for her future. School trips were usually deemed as comfort and not as a  need. Hence, she had always been left behind while Jungkook had made it his mission to take a lot of pictures for her and to bring her back a present from each trip they made. It always made her smile and Jungkook could still remember the way she cried the first time he brought her back a little present. So it only made sense for her to do everything for her sister to enjoy school trips the way she had dreamed to. "You didn't want her to miss on anything like you had to, right? You only wanted her happiness, how could it be your fault when you only wanted to make her happy?" Jungkook took a step in her direction and for once, she didn't move away. However, her teary eyes refused to meet his and she snorted quietly at his words.

"And yet, it only brought misfortune. Her last moments were in a hospital when she should have had a much longer life. Yet, her lifeless body was lying there, leaving me all alone." She smiled bitterly, tears rolling on her cheeks as she finally let her despair overwhelm her. Wincing at the sight of her tears, Jungkook tried to push his own heartbreak aside to comfort her as he closed the distance between them and draped his arms over her small frame, engulfing her in his warm embrace, trying to console her as much as he could. He didn't know if he could help considering their broken relationship, but if he could, at least this one time, be a shoulder for her to cry, then so be it.

"I'm sorry it happened to the both of you, I'm sorry for your loss (Y/N)." He let his hand wander through her hair, bringing her head closer to him as he tried to hide his own tears. "I'm so, so, sorry."

"I was so happy that t-today would be the l-last day without h-her," she nuzzled her nose against the crook of his neck, seeking warmth and comfort even if nothing but the cold wind was surrounding them. Jungkook felt like her warmth was so far away, her own presence seemed to hold no warmth. Nothing was right, nothing between them was alright, she wanted to hate him for leaving, to hit him for destroying what they had, but if for five minutes she could finally have someone, stay close to him, she would pretend. Pretend that they were fine, that he still was her home.

"W-why did you have to leave?" She whispered as reality crashed down on her. Now she was alone and maybe they would never be fine again. Maybe she would never be alright again.

"I'm sorry (Y/N) if I could take it all back, I would."  He mumbled, fully knowing that he couldn't, but he still hoped that he could make it right this time.

"She had promised me that s-she'd never leave me alone as you did." She hiccuped and Jungkook's heart broke at her quiet confession. Her voice was so quiet that he had to focus to properly hear her words as if worried that he would disappear if someone were to hear her.

"And she would have never left if she could have helped it. (Y/N), you were her dearest person. When we were younger, she threatened to kick me out of the house if I ever made you cry (Y/N)," it hurt, and her heart truly had other things to think about but she still smiled a bit hearing his words.

"She told me yeah," Jungkook whipped his own tears quietly before (Y/N) could notice them, "once you left, she didn't even try to keep her hatred for you silent." He sighed with a small smile, imagining well that her younger sister probably didn't try to keep her words sweet, he wondered what she told (Y/N) but he shook his curiosity away.

"Let's leave that bridge, yeah? We should get you somewhere warm, you're frozen." He was rubbing his arms against hers, noting again how cold she was. Hoping that it was only because of the cold, Jungkook let his eyes meet hers and he could see the distance she tried to keep between them.

"I-I don't really want to stay with you, to be honest." She pushed him gently, avoiding eye contact again. She didn't want to sound miserable and neither did she want to sound mean, but the only thought of staying near him suddenly made her shiver. It was hard to suddenly have someone back in her life when she didn't have him for years. She had believed that she would never have him back, and now that she lost half of her soul, she didn't know how to welcome him again. Did she even want to? She wasn't sure, all she knew was that she didn't want for him to be around today. Her head was hurting; she wanted to go to sleep.

"I can understand that," Jungkook's smile slowly vanished as his concern grew. He could understand that she didn't want to spend time with him, yet he still hoped that he would be able to look after her a little longer. However, it didn't seem to be in her plans for now. Again, he totally could understand that as much as it stung, but he still wished that he had more time to watch over her.

"Would you like me to find you a hotel room for tonight? I don't think that it would be wise for you to drive in your emotional state." He asked, already bothered by the idea of her driving. It couldn't be safe for her to drive now. He wouldn't force her to stay with him, but he could always pay for a hotel room for her. He would never mind for her.

"I'm okay... I'll be okay. I... I'll have to. Thank you for... I don't really know, thank you though." She returned her glance as he took her hand into his, rubbing his thumb against her palm, soothingly trying to comfort her. He didn't know how to provide support. She had changed so much and so did their relationship. He didn't know what was okay and what wasn't anymore. Jungkook guessed that he only had himself to blame for that, yet he wished he knew her more so that he could encourage her better. Everything was different from the time she lost her parents and Jungkook felt incompetent to actually help her properly. But he would try his best. He didn't come so far only to give up now.

"I know I haven't been here for the last year's, I've been the shittiest friend that you probably ever had if we don't count Ana-"

"Of course you weren't worse than her, find someone from your size-" she almost laughed a bit as he said the name of 'Ana'. She had been a friend of (Y/N) for some months before she realized that she was trying to basically initiate her to drugs. She had overlooked a lot of red flags for that girl even if she realized rather quickly that a lot was wrong between them. Her sister and Jungkook had greatly encouraged her to cut ties quickly; (Y/N) smiled at the thought. Maybe Jungkook would help remind her of all the happy times she got with her sister before she lost her. She wouldn't let herself depend on him again, but if he could alleviate her pain, even just a little, who was she to take it away from herself?

"Of course I wasn't, thank you for acknowledging that; if you ever tell me that I was worse than her, I would start questioning my whole existence." He smiled back at her, keeping her hands warm as he rubbed them in his.

"You're not that far from her you know?" He almost laughed at her attempt of teasing. Nothing was alright, but maybe if life started being kinder with her, she could start healing. Jungkook would never have the pretentiousness of thinking that he would be her remedy; he had done too much damage already. However, maybe he could be a painkiller. And if he had the opportunity to help and ease her pain, he would do anything for her.

"I'm offended, but I'll act as if I didn't hear that," he smiled warmly at her, "as I was saying, I'm probably the last person that you'd like to contact, but please, come to me if you ever need to. I know I've been shitty. I have gone against everything I always said I'd never become, but I'll try to make up for everything, I maybe won't ever be able to fill up the gap I created between us, but I'll try to be the friend that I've never been, and even if you don't want me to, it's okay, I can bear with us being only acquaintance, I just want you to be happy. I know it's going to be hard, you're probably living your worst nightmare, but please. You're not alone. I can be here if you want me to... If you allow me to. I'm a phone call away, I swear. No more empty promise, I'll make them all worth it. If you don't trust me, I can understand but p-please, just.." he was at a loss of words. He had so much to say and he felt like he wasn't conveying any of it. Jungkook felt like he would never find the good words and he hated it. His promises felt empty even to him, but he meant all of them! He had to get it right, he had to find the words. If he didn't, when would he ever make it right again? However, before he could continue, (Y/N) interrupted him, much to Jungkook's surprise.

"I hope you know that your words will have weight, right?" She asked, unsure of what to say after his speech.

"I know. And I'll bear it this time. Here take this, it's my number, feel free to take it or throw it. Just... Yeah, do whatever you want, the choice is yours, but my words are not empty this time. I mean them. I'm here for you whatever happens." She weirdly still had her hand in his as he gave her the piece of paper he had so carefully prepared earlier this day.

"Did you prepare this in advance?" Her question panicked him a bit, yet she didn't leave room for his answer, "thank you for saying this." She was obviously shaken and he hated himself for not being able to help more. "I should get my car." She finally broke the contact, leaving his arms with a sad smile, and he hoped that it didn't mean that it would be the end. It couldn't, he needed for her to be strong and to go on even if it would be hard.

"Let's meet someday, yeah?" Jungkook hesitated but he asked anyway, hopeful.

"Maybe, yeah." She nodded one last time before leaving, walking away under his warm eyes while he truly hoped that she would be alright. He watched her until she disappeared at the next corner and he finally let out a breath that he had not realized he was holding.

He had broken the loop. (Y/N) was alive, she made it.

Even though her healing process would probably be long and painful, she would at least live, and it was all that mattered. She had his number, the choice would be hers to text him or not. Jungkook prayed for her to take it, he hoped that she wouldn't throw it but he couldn't force her to call him either. He glanced at his phone as he felt it vibrating inside his pocket and he wondered which one of his brothers tried to contact him. However, as he checked his notifications, he already had a notification from (Y/N). Jungkook had already saved her number as he remembered it from the previous timeline, so as he saw her name on his tiny screen, he almost giggled aloud in the middle of the street.

The message wasn't long, nor was it saying that she wanted to see him again. No, instead, she had sent a brief "Hi, it's (Y/N)" but it was enough for him to feel his heartbeat accelerate like crazy, pounding against his chest as he rubbed one hand over his heart in a poor attempt to soothe it down. She had taken on his offer. (Y/N) had contacted him, and even though it didn't mean that they would meet soon or that it was going to be easy to be forgiven or for her to ever trust him again, he would perhaps have a chance and it made him giddy. He couldn't help the smile that grew on his lips. Relief flowed within himself. 

She would make it, he would make sure of it. He had to be there for her from now on. He smiled at the possibilities that he could finally think of without feeling his stomach twist uneasily; he could maybe introduce her to his members, maybe take her somewhere nice for a simple walk at night and other things that he dearly missed doing with her. They could go to restaurants, go shopping, even making tourists things. Jungkook didn't care, he'd break every single rule made by bighit if it included her happiness at the end.

So much was now possible and he couldn't keep at bay the excitement that overtook him. He would treasure her the way she deserved. He would man up and not ruin his promises again.

He had to protect her the best way he could. His eyes shut tightly as he remembered what she told him, the final missing piece of the puzzle. Her sister died, it was so strange to imagine it. She died so young, it was unfair. How could sure a pure soul be taken away so easily? Jungkook had tried to push his own shock away the fastest he could because he had known that she would need someone to lean on, not someone who would break after the news, so he had tried to shake it off as long as he was in front of her, yet the reality was now taking a toll on him. (S/N) died, leaving a broken older sister behind; a sister that would have given her life to trade with her if she had been able to.

Jungkook sighed. The news shocked him too, maybe he had never been close to her, but he saw that girl grow up too. He knew her even though she wasn't keen on him, he still knew her pretty well, and it hurt to know that he would never see or speak with her ever again. He had expected to meet her, to have to explain, to face an insurmountable wall that would be the biggest hardship between him and (Y/N), however, she would actually never be there anymore and the realization almost brought him to tears. He wasn't close to her, but she had still been a constant of his childhood. Jungkook felt like something had been stripped away from him despite him expecting to be less affected. Sometimes, death left an unspeakable void, even when one didn't expect it.

Jungkook could only imagine how (Y/N) felt. She had been her entire world, they used to be a duo, an unbreakable one. Yet, fate visibly had other plans and Jungkook wondered why was life so terrible with (Y/N). He sighed again, rubbing his temples a bit, everything was slightly too overwhelming for him. He tried to relax his mind thinking of (Y/N), trying to remember her small smile. She would be okay and it wasn't a mere detail. He finally broke the loop. He did the first step. 

Or so he thought as he suddenly and roughly woke up, sweating and panting.

Why the hell did he get back to his starting point?

Frozen into place, Jungkook looked around and immediately recognized his room. He suddenly jolted awake, mindlessly looking for his phone to check the date. As he found it, Jungkook got blinded by the screen but his eyes widened as he read the date on his screen. He was back to square one.

29th April.

The day of (Y/N)'s death.

#jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x oc #jungkook x y/n #magicshopnet #author: dolly #verse: supernatural #bts #bts jungkook #bts angst #bts fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #death #supernatural #reader died #jungkook went back in time #first love

[skjaem]

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𝐏𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

𝑱𝒖𝒅𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝑩𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒃𝒚 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝑪𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓

You've always had a thing for the blue haired photography major at your university. With his charming smile and seemingly perfect personality, it didn't come as a surprise that he's stolen the hearts of almost everyone on campus. After a chance encounter of you, very embarassingly might I add— tripping over your own feet right in front of him and sending the both of you tumbling to the ground, you slowly grew closer. But the seemingly flawless friendship you've developed just had to be destroyed, during one walk home after a late night convenience store run one day when you heard some muffled screaming coming from the nearby alley. With curiosity getting the best of you, you decide to be a good samaritan and check. What will you do once you witness the horror that was Jaemin hunched over the lifeless body of a man, carving his heart out of his chest?

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As a police officer working under the Violent Crimes Unit, you're certainly no stranger to serial killers and horrifying crime scenes. Having solved countless of cases before, your entire life gets turned upside down when the Blue Reaper makes his debut as a new serial killer. You and your team have been chasing after him for months, following a multitude of leads and countless of clues but always ending up empty handed. While you're out here getting no sleep trying to formulate a plan to catch him, unbeknownst to you, he's already had his attention caught. Intrigued by none other than yourself. He's been stalking you, wether it be getting off from work, on the crime scene or even in your own home. It's a mystery to everyone including himself as to why he's so enamoured, but one thing's for sure. He's obsessed. And after you wake up once in the middle of the night and find him watching you sleep from a dark corner of your room, will you accept his morally contradicting attraction? Or will you choose to do what's normally right and take advantage of his obsession to turn him in?

Plot code : 02002

𝑻𝒘𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑫𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓, 𝑻𝒘𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑭𝒖𝒏

The ever bustling and lively city, the capital itself, Seoul has always been your hunting grounds. You preyed on the unsuspecting under the cover of the night, making a name for yourself through multiple killings that always leave the authorities frustrated at each failed attempt of arrest. One night, you had been following after a male in a dark hoodie, certain to yourself that you've found the next prey to add to your ever growing record. But what would happen when the victim you'd have pinned against the wall of a dark downtown alleyway brandishes his own knife at you? What will you do, once you've caught the infamous Blue Reaper himself?

Plot code : 02003

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𝕳𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖋𝖚𝖓 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕭𝖑𝖚𝖊 𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖕𝖊𝖗~

[votederpycausemufins]

more content for the SF series! (since the first one was Summoning Family and now it's Surprisingly Familiar). i can't believe it's chapter 5. and i'm not sure if i mean can't believe it's only ch. 5, or already ch. 5. you know, both is good!

Edit: iforgottotagpeople iforgottotagpeople iforgottotagpeople!!! @petrichormeraki and @helleborusangel forgive meeeee

“Let me take care of one thing before we explore the rest of the server.” Sense spoke up, Grian only half paying attention. “You can explore as you see fit, but I wouldn’t wander too far.”

As the redstoner walked away, Grian went the other direction for a few steps before stopping. “Are you going to keep following me around or what?” There was no immediate answer, but then someone appeared near Grian.

“Well, you look different than before.” Came an echoey voice from the figure who was greyed out and transparent. “What happened?”

“I’m from the past, but not the past here, so I’m not going to be able to fix whatever is wrong with you.” Grian replied, crossing his arms. It had already been explained that Grifter went looking for a new dimension to find alternate versions of his family since apparently the real versions weren’t the best. Grian didn’t fully believe it at this point, but Sense said Grifter would bring back some proof, which was a little worrying.

“There’s nothing you need to fix for me.” The ghost, because that’s all it could be, responded. “There is no business I have unfinished that you could finish for me. And that’s fine with me. It means I can help and explore with little worry, though I do like this castle.”

“Right.” Grian responded, unsure how to feel about the ghost. He already dealt with a few at school, some better than others, so he wasn’t exactly sure how this one would act. “Well, I would like if you stopped following me around.”

“Alright Grifter.” The ghost replied, and then left, going down a hallway before disappearing. Even with them gone, Grian still felt on edge, so he didn’t go far, just going back to where he had been left. When Sense did finally come back, Grifter was with him again, which finally helped Grian feel a bit safer again.

“Alright, so, I’ve talked with a few people to make sure they don’t cause problems as well as pick up some papers with information you might want to know. And you don’t need to worry about it getting damaged because it’s magically protected.”

“Your magic, or other Listeners?” Grian asked, which surprised Grifter. He looked over to Sense who didn’t look as concerned and quickly explained.

“I gave Grian a quick tour of the castle and explained some things along the way. About the magic from being a Listener. How Grian may still have magic but is also still considered in-training so his magic is much weaker. How you came here trying to dimension hop for Taurtis again and how that went. Things like that.”

Grifter smiled and gave Sense a kiss, which he used to quietly whisper a message to him. He then pulled back and made sure Grian definitely heard him the second time he spoke to keep up appearances. “Thank you. And he took it well? I mean… I- he does look a little…”

Grian crossed his arms. “I’m fine. I’ve got the basics which is already pretty helpful. If I can learn how to use magic, I might be able to use that when I go back and save Taurtis since obviously new dimensions are off the table again.”

Grifter raised an eyebrow and Sense elaborated. “So far he’s only hopped once and got rid of their second universe versions.”

“It would be complicated if there were two of us. I mean, it’s already complicated enough with you and me and we look pretty different, what with you being older and all.”

“Yeah, same sentiment when I got here.” Grifter agreed. “Essentially this place is all flipped around. I mean, dad here is Death instead of mom, the Sam here was good, The me- you- us here was like some sort of god and got imprisoned. Stuff like that. People see me and think I’m the one that got imprisoned, so they used his name for me, and I mean, it’s pretty close to Grian.”

“You really don’t mind?” Grian asked, making Grifter shrug.

“Well, either way the nickname is Gri, so I don’t mind too terribly much. And it’s better than… you know.”

Grian shuddered a little before Grifter started leading them all away, putting the small stack of papers he had into a bag and giving the bag to Grian. The teen took the bag and opened it up to look inside, finding the newly added papers as well as a bunch of pink things. Pulling one out, Grian was surprised to find it was a sword, and another a shovel. He put those back in and then pulled out some yellow carrots, which seemed to glitter as he held them in the light. “What is all of this?”

Grifter turned around to face Grian, walking backwards a few steps to see what was being talked about. “Oh, that’s a bunch of starter gear. I mean, normally it would be iron, but I doubt you wanted that, and I’m sort of in charge around here - long story - so I upgraded you to aetherite which is as good as you can get here. You’ve got a sword, pick, axe, shovel, and a full set of armor. I’ve also given you golden carrots and plenty of steak so you won’t be hurting for food. Also there’s a crossbow and plenty of stuff to load it with, like arrows, darts and fireworks.”

Grian nodded slowly, looking through the bag again. “Okay, can I like… get trained how to use these? I mean I sort of know how to use this stuff from, you know. But I mean, can I get a gun or something?”

“Oh of course!” Sense was the one to reply, putting down a shulker box. “What type are you after? Standard or more upgraded?”

“Handgun with plenty of ammo before reloading sounds best.” Grian said, looking into the box. Sense helped him find one that fit what he liked as well as ammo that matched, and then it went in the bag.

“I still think you should train with the other weapons to be safe, but gun still is better than umbrella.” Grifter commented, getting a look from Grian before he confirmed that, yes, someone’s main weapon of choice around there was an umbrella.

“Alright, now that you’re geared up, let’s get on with a proper tour!”

.

.

.

A good sized team entered into Helscraft, consisting of Mumbo, Grum (Jrum wanted to stay behind and watch Kokatori, but Mumbo thought it might also be some fear of getting stranded again), Doc, Tommy, Phil, Xisuma, and Paul. Wilbur and Techno also tagged along when they heard the news, refusing to let their brother disappear again. More of the hermits wanted to go, but with the two triplets refusing to take no for an answer and Xisuma not wanting to take too many people to hels at once, they didn’t really have room.

Xisuma attempted to get all of them to the main spawn island for the world, but that didn’t quite work out with everyone except him arriving there. That was soon followed by Grum taking charge and leading them through the world and to the foot of a black and yellow building, which he knocked on the door of.

A few minutes later, the doors finally opened to someone in dark red armor and a helmet with a much more standard design. “What do you want? I’m in the middle of something.” The person said, looking just at Grum at first. “Oh, it’s you. If NPG isn’t at home, he’s probably-”

“No. We need Xisuma back.” Grum spoke up, and this time the person looked up at the rest of the group and sighed.

“Honestly, I finally got him back here again and you’ve got to take him away immediately? Here I thought it was finally something to improve this… horrid week. What do you need him for anyway? Isn’t he just a chauffeur or whatever?”

Tommy was the first to respond, pushing to the front of the group. “Look bitch, we don’t want to deal with any more shit right now. Just hand over him and Grian so we can leave.”

Though the red tinted visor, Tommy could just barely see the hels admin raise an eyebrow. “Grian? My brother is the only one here from wels not in your group.”

“Wrong answer fucker! We know that Gr-” Tommy was cut off as something lowered from the ceiling. Everyone stared as a pink worm on a string descended from somewhere inside the door. It had yellow paper cutouts of a mask, cape and M decorating it, and it kept getting lower until it was eye level with Evil Xisuma, then lightly bonked against his helmet a few times.

The way the hels admin slumped slightly and his eyes stared back just showing how done he was with everything. “Would you excuse me for just one second?” He said, and then the worm started to go back up before EX grabbed it, trapping it in a fist, then yanking down, someone falling from the ceiling a moment later. “Get out of my house Phedaz.”

The helsmit with dark blue hair, matching pale blue skin that faded to black on his arms and pitch black eyes picked up the discarded worm on a string before scuttling off through the door on all fours, racing past the team after Grian. “What the fuck was that?!”

“Phedaz.” EX said in a bored and defeated tone. “He’s been doing that all week. I just wanted to torture my brother a little to blow off some steam, is that too much to ask?”

“When we’re looking for Grian, it really is.” Mumbo spoke up, making the Helsmit sigh.

“Well, Grian’s not here, only NPG. Not even Grifter is here, and he hasn’t been here for a day or two now. That being said, Sense did leave a few hours ago, likely to meet up with that bastard.”

“Okay, so where are they?” Paul spoke up, getting EX’s attention.

The hels admin stared at Paul before pulling out a potion of some sorts and chugging it. “I’m not sane enough for this right now. Go talk with Theseus will you? Come back here when you need to leave or whatever and I’ll let you have him.”

.

.

.

“Alright! And that’s about it for the tour!” Grifter said cheerily as he, Grian, Sense, and now the two hels bots arrived at the castle again. “Now as a reminder, you should do your best to stay away from any areas we did not tour just to be on the safe side. The one exception would be where Euro and Krys are staying, but it’s far enough away I wouldn’t bother, plus Silski always likes to visit and staying away from him in general is a good idea.”

Grifter was going to say more, but then Sense stopped walking. “Oh for fucks sake, he’s back.”

Grian looked over to where Sense was looking and saw someone vaguely familiar leaning against the castle wall. They wore a trench coat and a beanie that struggled to hold down their very puffy brown and grey hair and they also held a guitar, quietly strumming a few cords. “Hey, you’re back. Missed you at the show.”

Before Grian could ask any questions, Grifter stomped over to the person, followed by Sense who was getting out a weapon. “Off the property Wile.”

“Pay me.”

“I’m not paying you. Leave.”

The person, Wile, stared Grifter down for a few seconds before shrugging. “Nah, gotta pay me first. Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.” And he started to play the first few notes of a song. He didn’t get far though, because Sense walked up to him. He didn’t even use his weapon to attack, simply yanking the guitar from his hands and smashing it against the castle wall in one fluid motion.

Wile looked down at the broken pieces of his instrument for a moment before pulling out a second guitar and continuing the song. Sense yelled in frustration while Grifter pulled a few feathers out of his wings. Grian reacted more than his copy, wincing at what was likely painful, but the hels didn’t mind. He instead used the pulled feathers as knives, stabbing them into Wile until he dropped to the ground, dead.

“Oh my god! Is he dead?!” Grian yelled after the person didn’t move for a while.

“Yes and no.” Grifter replied, kicking the body to the side. “He respawns, it’s just his corpse stays with his shit in it. Seesee, would you be a dear?” Sense didn’t get a chance to react as Sefter walked up first and heaved the body over his head, then chucked it as far as he could away from the castle. “Hmm, well that works too I guess.”

Grian stared in the direction of Wile’s corpse before turning back to Grifter. “Who… Who was that?”

“Wile.” Grifter replied. “Essentially the Wilbur here. The only plus to him over Wil is that he mostly just sticks to L’Manberg.”

“Oh? Where’s that?” Grian asked. It wasn’t a place they really covered in the tour, but a few other countries had been mentioned.”

“Yeah, no. I don’t want you heading over there.” Grifter replied. “Sense, back me up here.”

Grian was a little surprised by Grifter calling the redstone by his name and not a nickname. “I know you said you’re… well you’re most likely over eighteen.”

“I am, but what does that have to do with it?” Grian asked, rolling his eyes slightly.

“L’Manberg’s a stripclub.”

That left Grian silent for a few seconds before he simply said, “Oh.”

“Well, now that things are awkward, I suppose you could meet some of the better parts of the family. They weren’t around for so long, they won’t be able to tell that past me isn’t past Grifter.”

“Who exactly is everyone here?” Grian asked, following Grifter as he started to walk off away from the castle again, Sense and the bots heading inside.

“Alright, I already covered Dad being Death.” Grifter started to explain. “Technically there’s another death which is his brother, but we don’t really cover him. Mom is named Krystina, or just Krys.” Grifter then gestured to where Wile’s body was thrown. “We already covered Wilbur and Wile. Instead of Techno, we have Euro, who mostly lives with Krys. Theseus is Tommy, and he’s moved elsewhere.”

“Why do I feel like there’s more?” Grian asked with slight hesitance.

Grifter shrugged. “Because there is. That’s just the bit you’re familiar with. Even though Wile’s a stripper, he is married to Sadie. Sadie has a kid named Fleur who’s a little older than you are right now. Krys also half adopted Silski, so technically that’s another sibling but I won’t count them. If you do want to, then they’re married and have a kid, but that’s not really important.”

“So… Sadie, Fleur, Silski, and two other people?” Grian asked, making sure he was following along. “Can I know their names just to be safe?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Silski’s married to this guy named Toob and they adopted a kid named Jane. Well, technically it’s ꄘ꒓ꂑꋫꁍꀭꆂ꒒ꁕ, but pronouncing that is a mess so they named her Jane instead.”

“Right… Do you have anywhere I can write this down?”

.

.

.

After what happened with Tommy before, the entire group was ready to attack if need be. Paul was the one to knock on the throne room door, willing to be the first line of defense. There was no answer at first, but footsteps from behind the door had everyone put their guard up. They all waited with bated breath before finally the large doors opened, and then Grian poked his head out.

Mumbo, Tommy and Grum all quickly recognized that it wasn’t actually the missing hermit, but the others were too worried that they reacted too fast. “Oi Grian, what the fuck was all that mate?”

After a moment, NPG pulled themself out of the hug Phil had trapped them in. “I am sorry for the confusion. I am NPG, not Grian. You came here not too long ago.” The robot then looked over to Wilbur, Doc and Paul. “Though you did not visit and I have not met you in person before.”

Tommy quickly spoke up and introduced people. “That’s Wil, Doc, and this guy’s named Paul. Grian kinda got kidnapped, so we’re back here looking for him instead.”

“Oh no! Did you check your old server again just to be safe?”

“Grifter’s the bitch that kidnapped him.” Tommy said, crossing his arms. “If he’s there, I’ll eat my compass.”

NPG nodded, then went back into the throne room and the group could hear him talking to someone that had Tommy’s voice. They stood there listening until NPG finally shouted approval for the group to enter.

“Well this is a surprise. I didn’t expect to see any of you again that soon.” Theseus spoke from his throne. He still was wearing his mask that looked like Dream’s, which made Tommy shudder a little as well as had Grum hiding behind Mumbo. “So, you’re after my brother. Hah, good luck with that.”

“You better fucking tell us something bitch!”

Theseus didn’t immediately reply to Tommy’s shout, instead handing off a paper to NPG, who happily took it and ran off. “Look, I haven’t seen him since he dragged me back to Dad. Technically he’s been here, but just stayed away. He’s admin of my old world now, so he’s probably stuck there. Sense also left recently, so I would guess he’s there too.”

“So, You’re saying we need to go through another version of the smp to find Grian?” Techno was the one to ask. “Ours was already pretty rough, how bad is this one?”

“Your creeper friend there is supposed to be Prof, right?” Theseus asked, his visible eyebrow raising in question.

“Yeah… he is.” Grum answered, peeking out from behind Mumbo for a moment. “Why?”

“Has he ever built a prison?”

“Well, he built Area 77 if that counts.” Mumbo answered, but Theseus just rolled his eyes. “I’m guessing that doesn’t count.”

��Oh definitely not. If what NPG says is right, it let people waltz right in.”

“Those were guided tours, man.” Doc replied. “And that’s just recent. I’ve done plenty of defenses back when we had the mycelium war.”

“Ooh, ah, defenses.” Theseus deadpanned. “Get real. Those aren’t what I’m asking about.”

“He’s asking about The Perd.” Paul spoke up. “Which yeah, he mostly built that himself.”

Theseus smiled and nodded, while everyone else looked confused, except for Doc himself and also Phil, who just looked stunned. “Wait, he’s the guy who made The Perdit-”

“Hey man, you can’t just go throwing that name around.” Doc spoke up, cutting Phil off. “The less people know, the better.”

Phil gestured to Paul. “And so he knows about it, why?”

“I was one of the testers.” Paul responded. “Really think I can’t get out of that vault of yours now?”

“We’re getting off topic.” Wilbur was the one to speak up. “Since this creeper guy has made that prison thing, is that good or not?”

“Very good.” Theseus replied. “Prof had to trap Grifter when he wasn’t an admin, so imagine what he’s doing as admin. Having your version of Dad is going to be good, but one of him is also better. And I guess also this guy here is good to have too.” Theseus added, glancing at Paul.

“What can you tell us about your old world.” Mumbo asked. “I’m sure even those from our version will be a bit lost since I can hardly wrap my head around this one.”

“Oh I could tell you plenty. I could say every little detail I went through in my years there. I’m sure plenty of it would be repetitive though, and I don’t really know what’s the same and what’s different.” Theseus explained. “But I can tell you what I do know.”

“And what’s that?” Phil asked, hoping that looking like the Phil here would help things.

“Well, when I was in that other place, your respawns were a fucking mess. Technically three respawns but it always depended on some shitty admin’s code.” Theseus stood up to make a point. “Instead You always respawn as long as you’ve got a place to respawn to. But if someone finds your anchor and breaks it, well, I wouldn’t die if I were you. Technically, there was more to it so Nightmare could try to get around his own rules, but it obviously didn’t work.”

“Is that it?” Tommy asked. “Lives are just done differently?”

Theseus rolled his eyes before sharply turning his head towards Tommy. “Well excuse me. If you haven’t noticed, I’m not the fucking admin over there anymore, bitch. Neither is Nightmare. I only knew about you having fucked up lives because of that thing there!” And he gestured towards Grum. “I don’t know your lives. I don’t know your world. So I don’t know what to fucking tell you that’s going to fucking help. At this point, you’re likely to know more than me!”

Everything was silent other than Theseus’ heavy breathing from yelling until there was a creak from the door as NPG came back in. “Is everyone okay? Thee? Do you want me to get Rusty?”

Theseus was still quiet, though he straightened his posture and his mask, then spoke. “No. I think I’ll be fine. Can you take these guys to Xannes? I’m done dealing with them.”

“Okay! I can do that!” NPG replied, and then he was leading the group out, being helped by threats Theseus was giving the group under the robot’s nose.”

When they returned to the admin’s base, he was disappointed to see them back so soon, but did allow Xisuma out of his ‘torture chamber’ - if it could really be called that - and let him take the team of people to the NSMP.

Xisuma took them into the other world and was suddenly glad his helmet was a filter. Tommy pulled his bandanna over his nose after gagging at the smell of the place while everyone but two of them reacted similarly. Since they had been there before, Phil and Mumbo knew what to expect. Techno also knew, but his sense of smell was enhanced from being a hybrid, so it didn’t help. And then while Tommy had been in the group before, at that point he had been replaced by Theseus and never actually went into the NSMP.

Not wanting to stick around in one place, the group started travelling, hoping for some sort of landmark that was more than just rubble and possibly someone nice enough to help them out.

But back on Helscraft, Xannes was upset the moment the group was gone, and a moment after that, he sent himself to the palace to meet with Theseus. Lightning crackled around him in his rage, pushing aside anyone who even stepped in his line of sight.

“Theseus!” He shouted as the doors to the throne room were broken. “What the fuck did I just send them into?!”

Theseus looked up at the admin. “The NSMP. Why? Did you somehow not?”

“Something intercepted them. I mean, I tried hacking them through the whitelist, so it should have-”

“That place doesn’t have a white list last I checked.” Theseus said. “Nightmare never gave it one. He made access public. There was just a little… test of sorts to get through first.”

Xannes didn’t like the sound of that. “What kind of test?”

“One that I’m sure they’ll get through. The question is how long it will take them. If they’re lucky? Hmm, maybe a few days.”

Xannes didn’t bother listening to more as he followed along the group he just sent ahead of him. He ended up in the same place the group did, in the spawn of the DSMP. And if it weren’t for the fact that Xannes could feel his hacking powers get limited, he would have thought it was the regular world. “Fine. I guess we’re doing this all the hard way.”

#hc x dsmp #hermit!tommy au #grian #yhs grian #grian xelqua #watcher!grian #avian!grian #hels!mumbo #hels!eret #hels!grian #mumbo jumbo #grumbot #docm77 #tommyinnit #philza #xisuma #paul soares jr #wilbur soot #technoblade #evil xisuma #npg #npc grian #hels!tommy #hels!grumbot #hels!jrumbot #hels!wilbur

[abbysfrenchbraid]

Little Harbor - Beach Day Part 2

Thank you all for the lovely feedback on my writing so far, it means so much to me. I’ve decided that the Beach Day Imagine needed a Part 2 and spent last night manically writing 6.6k words of fluff, angst and semi smut.

In this part, Abby and the reader finally make their trip to Little Harbor and spend the night at the cabin there. The reader finds out they don’t know everything about Abby and there are some things in her past that still weigh heavily on her mind. 

TW for death/loss (Seattle plot for the Salt Lake Squad), light nudity, language and mention of suicide and mention of blood

This ist the playlist I curated for this fic. Make sure you disable shuffle and listen to the songs in order for them to fit! (It’s called Little Harbor on Spotify and has a picture of Abby in the thumbnail)

Little Harbor

The last few days had been a blur of happiness and secrecy. Stolen kisses in empty hallways, sitting next to each other in the cafeteria with your knees touching, sunsets in the watchtower staircase, and sweaty hugs whenever you picked up Abby after her morning training. It was clear to you by now that there was no going back and no stopping this. You were absolutely, hopelessly falling for the tall blonde soldier and she actually seemed to feel the same, which was still unbelievable to you.

Abby had taken up work with some of the combat and strategy trainers, educating them on the different groups she had encountered on her journey and on their territory, tactics, and relationships with each other. Lev had come in to explain more about the Seraphites, their whistle language, and their infrastructure. Even though it was unlikely that the Seraphites or WLF would come knocking at the Fireflies’ door, they still wanted to know as much as possible about the current state of the world.

The Rattlers were a different story altogether. Lev refused to speak about them and even though Abby had told the Firefly leaders about them as soon as she was conscious after her emergency surgeries, there was still much to talk about. She tried as hard as she could to remember every little detail and she got incredibly frustrated with herself when she found gaps in her memory even though that wasn’t her fault. The torture and mistreatment at the hands of these bastards had been so immensely traumatizing that her mind refused to let her remember the worst parts.

While the past few days with her had been all fun and exciting, the evenings had been more difficult and it had taken a lot of strength from both of you to get through this together. Abby was just learning to confide in you and talk about her feelings while you struggled with being there for her the right way, having never experienced anything close to the terror she must have felt. After the first day in the strategy room, Abby had knocked on your door just as you were about to go to bed and practically fallen apart in your arms. The Fireflies had decided to send a few teams back to Santa Barbara to see if there were any survivors and capture or help the people they found, depending on their previous alliance. They had offered Abby to go back with them, which she declined, and made it clear that she had to try to identify every single person they brought back.

You just hoped that the only people left there were the other prisoners who had freed themselves. It would be horrifying to know that some of the torturers could soon be sitting somewhere in this very building, practically at arm’s reach from Abby and Lev.

Although the others had advised her not to, Abby had told Lev about all the plans and tasks to come and he had agreed to help identifying people but remained silent about his thoughts on all this.

Trying your best to make Abby’s first week as an official Firefly less hard on her, you had organized a mission for you both to go to Little Harbor. You were supposed to check up on the little cabin there, throw out anything that wasn’t necessary and stock it with a few supplies in case someone in the area needed them in the future. The best thing about Little Harbor was the beautiful beach that stretched in a perfect arc and had the most beautiful sunsets you had ever seen.

You had just talked to your friend in admin and gotten the confirmation for the mission. For a second, you debated telling Abby at lunch in an hour but you simply couldn’t wait. Rolling up the note with the assignment on it and shoving it in your back pocket, you rushed toward the east wing of the base, practically jumping with every step.

As you came closer to the strategy room, you heard muffled voices. There seemed to be a heated discussion. You really didn’t want to eavesdrop, but you were already at the door and didn’t feel like you should knock and interrupt them in the middle of their conversation.

“Oh come on, Abby, what are you not telling us? You have to know more about her than that!”

“I’m telling you, I don’t know where they lived and I don’t know where she is now! I met them the first time at the WLF outpost in the middle of nowhere around Seattle and the last time I saw her she was in Santa Barbara. She’s probably dead, anyway, she was injured and all alone.”

She? Who were they talking about? Abby had never told you about a woman in Santa Barbara. Maybe another prisoner?

Someone slammed a hand on the table.

“Jesus Christ, I can’t believe we lost her again after all this time. At least we know Joel paid for what he did at Salt Lake.”

This sparked your attention. You knew Abby had grown up at the Salt Lake outpost before the massacre. Was Joel the guy who killed all the Fireflies there, including the doctors?

“What do you want with her anyway?” That was Abby again. She sounded bitter. “It’s not like we have the means to make a vaccine, Joel made sure of that. You’ll see what she did with the rattlers when you get there. Maybe you’ll find her body, too, and I can finally have some fucking peace.”

There was silence for a brief moment. Then a woman said: “Alright, let’s take a break. The teams are driving out to Santa Barbara tomorrow, then we’ll see what we find. Abby, thank you for everything you’ve told us. Take some time for yourself, I’ll call for you when the reports are in and hopefully a few survivors, too. I’ll see the rest of you after lunch.”

You could hear feet shuffling and chairs being pushed around. Quickly, you tiptoed away from the door and halfway through the corridor, then you turned around just as the door opened. Abby came out first, frowning and with her hands balled into firsts. When she saw you, her face lit up and she relaxed, taking a few big steps towards you and awkwardly coming to a halt in front of you, just a little bit too close.

“Perfect timing, huh?” She smiled at you before nodding to a few others that passed you.

You forced yourself to focus and smiled back.

“Yeah, I came to tell you that our mission is approved. We can leave as soon as possible.”

“Oh, that’s great! Martha just said I could have the day off and probably need to report back in tomorrow night earliest. Should we just pack now and get going after lunch?”

“Good idea. Say we meet in the cafeteria in 15?” you suggested.

Abby nodded. “See you there.”

-

As you packed your backpack, you tried to process what you had just heard. Abby knew the man who had run amok at the Firefly Hospital and apparently he was dead now. There had been another woman in Santa Barbara, and she had something to do with a possible vaccine? You knew the Fireflies had been extremely invested in the search for a vaccine after the outbreak, but they had given up on it a long time ago. Now they just tried to build safe zones without any infected in order to build communities of Fireflies, other survivors, and anyone else who wanted to join you.

Why were the others so keen on finding the other woman? What did Abby have to do with Joel and the massacre at the hospital? And why was this whole thing still affecting her so badly after all those years?

You wanted to try to talk to Abby later and find out what had gone down in Santa Barbara and at Salt Lake, but you also knew she had been waiting for this day to finally come so she could get out of here and distract herself for a while. Who were you to ruin this by forcing her to relive her trauma all over again?

Closing the zipper on your backpack and throwing it over your shoulder, you decided to just take it a step at a time. First, you had to get some food into your stomach.

-

Abby was excited about the trip and spent almost the whole meal asking you questions about the bay and the cabin. She told you she had spent some time in cabins up in Washington with her old WLF crew, but it had been snowing back then and the summer here was just an entirely different experience.

Lev was a bit sad he couldn’t go with you, but you promised him a beach bonfire in the next two weeks. He was way too happy about his new friends and tasks to sulk about your little duo mission. The boy was a fantastic archer and was now tasked with teaching his craft to younger trainees and older soldiers. He was delighted at being taken so seriously by adults for the first time in his life. His lessons at school were going well apparently, he enjoyed history and biology a lot.

Abby was attentively listening to him talking about crop diversification and the produce grown here during the different seasons as a group of fully-equipped soldiers came into the cafeteria. They seemed excited about their mission and were making a ton of noise, jeering and shoving each other around as they picked up their rations for the next two days from the serving counter. Abby and Lev both went quiet, poking around in their food and seeming to be holding their breaths until the squad had left.

Lev suddenly looked up at Abby with tears in his eyes.

“Do you think any of the Rattlers survived?” His voice was high pitched and he sounded like he was about to choke.

“Oh, Lev.” The blonde put her arm around his shoulder, her hands looking huge on his small frame. “I have no idea, I’m so sorry. I’m pretty sure the other prisoners were freed and got their revenge. She also freed some of the walkers in the area. It must have been bad. We’ll just have to wait and see, but I promise they’ll never lay a hand on you ever again.”

There she was again, the mysterious woman. Now you’d at least have a valid reason to bring it up. The boy sighed, then he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and straightened up. He waved over to a few other kids waiting at the exit.

“I need to go. Math class.” He grimaced and you and Abby both had to laugh. No one enjoyed math, but a certain basic knowledge was necessary for everyone here.

“See you tomorrow, Lev. I’ll bring her back safely,” you promised him and Abby rolled her eyes at you, but he gave you a genuinely thankful nod before tapping her shoulder as a goodbye and running over to his friends.

Abby smiled at you, her eyes lighting up as she remembered your plans for the day.

“You ready to go?” she asked, standing up and grabbing her backpack.

“Let’s get out of here.” You put on your backpack as well, took your plates and placed them in a plastic tub next to the counter.

In the empty corridor leading to the garage, Abby snuck her fingers between yours, sending sparks over your skin and making butterflies dance in your stomach. She pulled you toward her and after a quick glance left and right, she gave you a soft peck on the lips. You reacted instantly, burying your fingers in her hair and pulling her in for a second kiss, this time less innocent. Abby chuckled and grabbed your shoulder to push you away just a few inches and look you in the eyes.

You felt yourself blush and rubbed a hand over your eyes.

“Ugh, sorry, I just missed you all morning. Let’s just go.”

Grabbing her hand and pulling her with you, you entered the garage and quickly said hello to your coworkers before checking out the keys and leading Abby to your truck. Your colleagues didn’t lose a single word about the hand-holding and you were thankful for their discretion. They were your closest friends at the base and they knew you’d tell them more as soon as you were ready.

The drive out to the cabin took about an hour, one which you spent in blissful silence. You had rolled the windows down again and just like the last time, the summer air was whirling through the cabin and playing with your hair. Abby let an arm hang out of her window and took in the view of the different hills and forest patches, the beaches, and the beautiful meadows. She looked serene, completely at peace with herself and the world.

When you arrived at the cabin, it was better than you had remembered. The little wooden cottage was still in good shape, firewood was stacked up at the back and there was a small front porch with a perfect view of the bay in front of you. Two wooden chairs and a table stood on the porch, completely grown over with moss.

You fumbled with the keys for a second, then you were inside. All the curtains were drawn, bathing the dusty room in heavy yellow light before you opened them and looked around. Abby was still standing at the doorstep, uncertain of what to do.

The room was perfectly equipped with a little kitchen unit, a table with four chairs, a worn-out striped couch, and a decently sized bed, luckily covered with a big sheet to stop it from getting unbearably dusty. A narrow door in the corner seemed to lead to a bathroom. You put your hands on your hips and turned to Abby.

“Well, what do you think? Too dusty for your liking?”

The blonde snapped out of her astonishment.

“Are you kidding me? Y/N, it’s great! It looks so cozy, I think I’m gonna sleep better than I have for months.” She took a few steps toward you and wrapped her hands around your waist. “Especially when I’m sleeping next to you.”

“Oh, I thought you were gonna take the couch,” you said dryly. Abby’s eyes widened and you could tell she seriously thought she had overstepped until you wrapped your arms around her neck and snorted, immediately receiving a playful push backward that you put up with by holding on to her for dear life.

“You’re an asshole,” she laughed, “I got scared there for a second!” She planted a kiss on your lips and picked you up by your waist, making you squeal.

“I’m sorry, Abby, ahh! Please let me down!” you begged but you had to admit this was fun. The taller woman gently put you back on your feet, then she said: “Come on, let’s get settled here.”

She opened the windows while you tried the tap unsuccessfully before pulling the cover off the bed and revealing buttercup yellow sheets. Sweet. Abby used a towel to wipe the dust off the table before setting her bag on it and offering to take yours as well. She put all the supplies in the kitchen cabinet before announcing that she was going to find you some water.

“When you go outside, there should be a pump on the left side of the house. Make sure to pump for a while until you touch the water, it’s got to be disgusting,” you said as you started sweeping the floor with a broom.

“Yeah, I know how a cistern works, thanks.” She rolled her eyes at you. A minute later, you could hear the squeaking of the old metal pump and the gurgle of water seeing daylight for the first time in years. You put the broom in the corner and wiped your hands on your jeans. The bed looked inviting, but the beach called to you even louder. You could feel that this night would have a lasting impact on your life and your relationship with Abby.

After checking on the roof and the cistern, you made your way down to the beach and spent the afternoon swimming, reading, and chasing each other around. One time Abby actually tackled you too hard and you got sand everywhere - your mouth, your nose, your eyes, even under your bathing suit. Abby couldn’t stop apologizing and telling you how sorry she was and how she underestimated her own strength but you swore vengeance for later and laughed it off. In order to get rid of all the sand underneath your suit, you went into the water and took it off before whirling it around over your head and getting Abby all flustered.

You secretly wanted her to join you, but she seemed to be too timid to go that fast so you put your bathing suit back on and let yourself flop down next to her, purposely splashing water on her and making her squeal as the cold drops hit her hot skin. Following an impulse, you rolled over and on top of her, pressing your cold, wet body on her soft, warm back. This time, she forced herself to stay still and not throw you around again, instead resorting to cursing you and calling you an atrocious little eel, only making you laugh harder.

After a while, she gave up on fighting you and you rested your cheek on her warm shoulder, humming in satisfaction. This was nice. It would be even better when you’d lie next to her in bed.

The afternoon seemed to go on forever, time standing still as you two forgot all your worries and enjoyed living in this little bubble of sun, sea and happiness. Then, finally, the sun hung low over the sea, drenching the world in golden light and painting the water orange and the clouds pink. It was an explosion of light and color, the pure beauty you could only find in nature. Or in the person you loved most.

Looking over at Abby, you saw she was also watching the waves and the clouds, the soft light illuminating the tiny hairs on her face and arms and making the dried salt crystals that stuck to her skin glint like little diamonds. Her dark blonde hair was swaying in the slight breeze and her cheeks had a faint red tinge from the sun. She was mesmerizing.

You moved closer to her and drew your nose along her jawline, breathing on her neck and placing tiny kisses behind her ear and on her temple until she was humming and leaning into your touch. She slowly turned her head and grazed your open mouth with hers before running the tip of her tongue over your upper lip. She opened her eyes.

“This really is the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. Nothing has ever made me feel like this,” she mumbled without drawing back.

“I’m glad you like it. I’ve been wanting to show it to you for a while.”

“I wish you would have shown me sooner. But I’m really happy you’re doing it now.” She turned her torso towards you and brushed her fingers over your thigh, leaving goosebumps in their wake. You could see the specks of gold in her iris, reflecting the last rays of sunlight and making her look ethereal and otherworldly. Oh god, how in the world had you found her? How had she found you? This was too good to be true, but you wanted to believe that it was, to believe that this moment could last forever.

In a desperate attempt to tell her all this, the beautiful chaos in your heart and your head that started spinning when you were with her, you leaned forward and kissed her. Hard, like you were scared this wasn’t real or it could be your last, then softer when you felt Abby tense up in surprise. She opened her mouth for you and you dragged your tongue against hers, tasting hints of salt and the fruit you had had earlier. You became more confident and placed your hand on her inner thigh which she took in with a gasp before grabbing the back of your neck and pulling you closer, her tongue now more forceful and demanding.

You couldn’t take the space between you any longer and crawled on top of her, straddling her hips as you looked down at her face, her green eyes half-closed and her mouth hanging open. The sun had said its farewells and vanished behind the horizon and the atmosphere created by the dusk suddenly hit you full force. Abby’s face was still softly lit by the pink clouds behind you while the sky behind her was a dark, heavy blue fading to black in the distance. She looked like a fucking painting.

“I’m so glad I found you,“ you whispered, running your fingers through her hair.

Abby answered by wrapping her arms around you and pulling you in. She kissed you with a burning passion, gentle but daring, sweet but hot, encasing you with her body and her mouth and pressing you so close that there wasn’t an inch left between you.

As she moved her hands down your body, pulling your hips closer and caressing your legs, she noticed the goosebumps all over your body and halted for a second.

“Are you cold, baby?”

You wanted to say no, but you had to admit you were starting to shiver under your still slightly damp swimming suit and wet hair, the evening breeze dancing around you and mocking you for getting so lost in the moment that you forgot everything around you.

“I really am,” you sighed, “maybe we could get some blankets and food and start a fire?”

Abby nodded and you struggled to your feet, feeling very naked and small all of a sudden. The blonde noticed your change of behavior and immediately got up next to you. She grabbed your books and towels and wrapped her dry one around your shoulders, rubbing up and down your arms a few times to warm you up before pulling you in for a tight hug.

“Come on, let’s get you inside and warmed up.”

Inside the cabin, Abby managed to light an oil lamp and fill the room with a wonderfully soft, yellow light. She slowly walked toward you and came to a halt right in front of you. Gently, she placed her hands on your shoulders and took the towel, placing it on a chair beside you. Then she hooked a finger under the strap of your swimsuit and slowly pulled it over your shoulder and down your arm, never breaking eye contact. Both of you were breathing heavily, the air between you felt like sirup and the world seemed to stop turning.

You laid a hand on top of Abby’s and moved with her, dragging the strap down your arm to expose a slight tan line and a hard nipple standing out into the cold air. Abby still hadn’t moved her eyes from yours, helping you pull your arm out of the strap and slowly pulling down the other one until your entire chest was bare. You could feel another rush of goosebumps chasing over your entire body while hot blood shot into your face and painted your cheeks in a deep red.

You both took a deep breath simultaneously, then you nodded at the tall woman in front of you. She lowered her eyes to your breasts and let out a shaky breath, then she raised a hand and drew her fingertips over your collarbone, down your ribs, and up between your breasts before brushing over your sensitive nipples and finally using both hands to cup your breasts. She stepped closer and bent her head to kiss you. You melted into her, her hands now all over your body, her hot skin on your cold flesh, and her mouth on yours before attacking your throat, making you throw your head back and let out an ecstatic moan.

Suddenly, Abby’s hands were on your ass and she picked you up effortlessly. You wrapped your legs around her waist and held on to her shoulders as she carried you towards the bed, sitting down on it with you in her lap. You buried your fingers in her hair and pulled on it as you ground your hips forward and kissed along her jaw.

In this moment, you felt something shift inside her. She tensed up, but not in a way that felt right in this situation. You let go of her immediately and leaned back to look at her, scared you had done something wrong or she didn’t want this after all.

“Abby, is everything okay?” you asked, your voice sounding strangely loud and panicky in the silent room.

She kept one hand on the small of your back while rubbing the back of her head with the other.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s just - fuck…” You could see tears welling up in her eyes as she furrowed her brows and tried to keep it together. “You just reminded me of someone. It’s not your fault, you didn’t know. It’s just… you don’t know everything about me yet. Maybe it’s time you did so you can decide if you still want me.”

She averted her eyes and let her hands fall to your thighs. For the second time in minutes, you felt strangely exposed and out of place. You nodded, then you stood up and turned away. It felt like your heart was slowly tearing at the seams and pouring blood into your stomach. Why couldn’t this be easy? What was the secret Abby had kept from you? You couldn’t imagine not wanting her anymore. She was everything you had ever dreamed of, the only person that had ever made you truly happy and it was impossible for you to see a future without her. The thought alone felt like a knife to your stomach.

You quickly pulled a big hooded sweatshirt from your backpack and put it on before taking off the swimsuit and slipping into fresh underwear and linen pants. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Abby getting dressed as well.

“I’m gonna get some wood from the back and start a fire on the beach,” you declared into the silence and rushed out the door without daring to look at Abby.

You piled up the wood on the sand, added some dried grass and small sticks in the middle and lit them with a match. The breeze had died down and the fire started at the first try. Abby came down from the cabin with two plaid blankets, a water bottle, and a small loaf of bread from your provisions. She spread one of the blankets on the ground and motioned for you to sit down, putting the second one around your shoulders when you had settled.

She sat down next to you and took a few gulps of water before handing the bottle to you. You were thankful for the cool liquid soothing your dry throat after the day in the sun and saltwater.

Abby took a deep breath, then she began.

She told you about her life at Salt Lake, growing up among the Fireflies, about her father, the surgeon, and the search for a vaccine. They had heard there was a girl who was immune and on her way to them, but only a few people believed it, her dad among them. When the day finally came, she had been out training with her boyfriend Owen and upon her arrival at the base, everyone was talking about the girl and the surgery her father was about to perform on her in order to try to develop a vaccine. There was an actual chance of salvation; everyone was enthusiastic.

Then the shooting had happened. Joel, the man who had brought the girl had suddenly changed his mind and abducted the girl straight from the operating table. He had shot everyone in his way. When Abby ran to find her father, it had been too late. Joel had killed him and with him the last chance of making a vaccine. Abby’s world had been destroyed in a matter of minutes.

That day, she had sworn vengeance. She had started training even harder than before and followed every tip she got to find Joel. The Fireflies had crumbled and she and a small group of friends had joined the WLF. Abby had broken up with Owen and everyone but her had given up on vengeance, but one day she had found Joel and his brother Tommy. She had brought them to the cabin where she was staying with her crew and she had killed Joel. An eye for an eye.

What she hadn’t expected was the young woman turning up at the last second to inevitably watch Joel die. They had left her and Tommy there and seen the matter as dealt with.

Then, suddenly, Abby’s friends had been killed one by one. This was at the same time she had met Lev and helped him flee from the Seraphites. In Seattle, she had come face to face with Ellie, the immune girl from way back and the woman who had watched Joel, her father figure, die at the hands of Abby. She had been the one to kill Abby’s crew trying to find her. Abby however had defeated her and Tommy once more and warned them not to come after her again.

Months after, just as they had made first contact with the Catalina Fireflies, Abby and Lev had been captured by the Rattlers and were tortured for weeks. One day, Ellie had turned up there and helped them escape before challenging Abby to one last fight to the death, threatening to kill Lev if Abby wouldn’t do it. They had fought a gruesome battle, both sustaining terrible wounds before Ellie had given up and let Abby and Lev go.

Abby didn’t know where she was now and if she had survived, and she didn’t care. She knew why Ellie had pursued her and she knew Ellie understood her reasons, too. Still, the loss they had suffered at the hands of the other was unbearable. Abby had lost everyone she had ever trusted or shared good memories with to horrific deaths and there would never be justice. She would never get them back and she would never understand why all this had to happen.

By the end of her story, Abby was sobbing. You had wrapped your blanket around the both of you and your hand lay on her thigh, but you didn’t dare to make closer contact. You didn’t know what to think of all this. What a waste. What a terrible, devastating tragedy. How horrible to suffer this much and have no one to blame, nothing to do with all the pain and grief.

Abby wiped her eyes with the corner of the blanket.

“I think, if I hadn’t found Lev, I wouldn’t have made it. I would have let her kill me. What was there to live for after everything that had happened?”

The thought of Abby dying was the final pull that ripped your heart to shreds. You pressed both of your hands to your chest to assure yourself you were okay, panting heavily as you tried to find something to say. There was nothing you could offer that would make this hell better for her. The realization was crushing.

You both sat in silence for a few minutes while Abby tried to calm her breathing and you tried to calm your thoughts. Finally, you broke the silence.

“I’ve loved Lev from the minute I met him and I’m so thankful he’s here.”

What you wanted to say, wanted to scream into the flames, was that you had loved Abby since the second you saw her, that she had your heart, that this was fucking confusing but didn’t change your feelings for her and that you would never give up on trying to be with her.

“That little boy has the biggest heart I’ve ever seen. He’s been through so much and he had to grow up in the span of a few months, but when I see him smile or hear him laugh or talk about fucking sustainable agriculture” - she had to laugh through a veil of tears - “I know it was all worth it. Every fight, every day in that godforsaken cell, every bullet. He’s my reason.”

Fuck it. It was better to tell her right now than to suffer the uncertainty any longer.

“Abby, I honestly don’t know what to say. I can’t even begin to perceive the horrors you’ve been through and I’m not going to act like I even remotely understand how you feel. What I do know is this: there is no one to blame in this whole terrible web of tragedy. What matters is that it’s over and that you now have the chance to live a life without constant danger and death and disaster. And I’m going to be at your side every day, no matter how long it takes for you to accept safety and peace and maybe even happiness into your life, even if it takes you forever. I have never felt the way I feel with you, I didn’t even know it was possible to love someone this deeply. I understand that you’re far away sometimes and I know there is still a lot of distance between us and you don’t have to reciprocate any of this, but I just want you to know . Know you are loved, know you have a place here, and know I will do everything in my power to help you through this.”

Abby’s eyes had gone wide at your monologue and she seemed completely blindsided by your confession. How had she not seen this coming? Did she seriously think she was just some fling to you? A little summer fun? What was she thinking?

The blonde stared into the fire, contemplating and kneading her fingers.

“Today was the first time I didn’t think of them for several hours. Ever since we arrived, I just tucked it all away in a corner of my mind and decided I could be sad tomorrow because today, with you, I would be happy.”

You held your breath and waited for her to continue, not daring to move or say a word.

“And I really was. Happy, you know? And you’re different, too. Owen was there for me so I was there for him. It just turned out I didn’t care for him as much as he did for me. And that really, really fucking sucks to know now that he’s gone. But I can’t change it. All I know is that I’ve never cared for anyone as much as I care for you. You’re constantly on my mind and I get irritated and impatient when I haven’t seen you for too long, usually meaning only a couple hours, which is a little pathetic if I gotta be honest.”

She looked at you and it felt like she was staring right into your soul. You were frozen, in disbelief at what she was telling you. She held out her hand and you took it, your fingers naturally slipping between hers and closing around her palm. How could two bodies fit each other that perfectly? Abby took a deep breath and turned her gaze to the fire again.

“I still have a long way to go with all this and the next few days are going to absolutely fucking horrible. I have no idea how I’m going to survive that. But with you by my side, I want to try. For you, for Lev, and for all the people I’ve lost. I owe it to them to make the best of the life I still have.”

She lifted your hands to her face and kissed the back of your hand.

“You, Y/N, have stirred something inside me I haven’t felt in years. It feels warm and hopeful and eager to see what the next day brings. And because I know tomorrow will bring a lot of pain, at the moment I just want to see what the next hour brings.”

You let your head fall on her shoulder and she put an arm around you. It had gone completely dark and the fire was slowly dying down, but you were warm and comfortable. The night was singing a bittersweet song for those gone too soon, the trees humming their wonderful tenor as the waves joined in with a whisper, the bats over your heads drumming their fleeting rhythm, and an owl completing the symphony with her wailing cries.

Abby started talking again and telling you stories about her time with the Fireflies while ripping off little pieces of bread for you both. One day, her and Owen had helped her dad free a zebra that had gotten caught in some wire. Her first kiss had been Nora, her closest friend and a brilliant doctor. Leah and Jordan had been the power couple at the WLF, brilliant together but also extremely annoying whenever they started wildly making out at parties or fucking in the bathroom thinking the others wouldn’t hear. Then there was Mel, part of the group but in a difficult triangle with Abby and Owen. She had been pregnant with Owen’s child when Ellie killed her. And Yara, what a wonderful young woman. Lev’s sister had stood by him and defended him when he had gotten in trouble with the Seraphites and she had done everything she could to protect him until the day she died. From that day on, Abby had taken that responsibility.

She also told you about her fear of heights and the trip through the sky with Lev, now laughing as she admitted how bizarre it all seemed looking back. It was nice to hear her laugh again and to finally really get to know her.

When the fire was nothing more than a few smoldering coals, Abby suggested going back to the cabin. You packed up your things and carried them back inside. Abby lit the lamp again while you folded the sandy blankets and put them to the side. Then you locked the door.

As you turned around, you could see Abby standing next to the bed, looking at you. Her features were only lit from the side, golden light flickering over her cheekbones and jaw. Her head was slightly cocked and her hands were restless again, searching for something to hold on to and finding only each other.

“Come here,” she said in a low voice. You felt yourself drawn to her by an invisible string, moving faster with every step until you clashed into her, hands and arms entangling, hot mouths pressed together. She let herself fall back onto the bed and pulled you down with her.

You couldn’t tell if the rushing in your ears was the sea or your own blood, but it didn’t matter. Abby’s calloused hands were exploring your back under the sweatshirt, her thigh was pressed between yours and her heavy breathing joined the harmony in your head.

You paused for a minute, staring down at the beautiful face beneath you, her eyes promising that she was all yours.

“You're so fucking beautiful,” you whispered, then you kissed her again and dragged her down with you into an ocean of pleasure.

-

Author’s note: After receiving amazing feedback from you guys and a demand for more, I’m currently in the process of writing a Part 3 for this! Thank you for your patience 💌 if you’d like, you can support me by buying me a coffee 💛

#abby anderson #abby anderson x reader #abby x reader #abby tlou2 #the last of us 2 #abby anderson fic #fanfiction #smut #fluff #angst

[yandere-society]

Advent

Pairing: Hoseok x fem!reader

Synopsis: It started out harmless, careless and cute - it made you smile. Small trinkets and endearing presents scattered around your room to the tune of 12 days. But as the song went on and December reached closer to its end, you realized none of it was as it once seemed and lets just say…you weren’t smiling any more.

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: yandere-themes, manipulation, physical touching

Admin: @nomnomsik​​

Request:

Your boyfriend sat cheerfully in the living room, humming to himself in a tune of a Christmas carol. He knew for the time that you had been speaking to him, almost nearing ten minutes straight, your tangent on everything Christmas was not ending soon. He knew that he should be paying more attention to you, rather, the words you were saying, but he couldn’t help the way his ears shut off and his eyes stayed glued to you.

Honestly speaking, Hoseok found it quite amusing. You were so focused in your own world, your eyes drifting upward as if you wracked your brain to think. He knew that the historical stories of ornaments was such a topic that he could fall asleep too, yet to see you so wrapped up on it made him once again realize just how cute you could be.

It wasn’t until he felt something wet brush against his neck that he jumped, looking over to see you peck his neck, moving up to his cheek. He chuckled as you poked his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, laughing as you retreated backward, folding your arms.

“Oh, nothing~” You say dryly. “I was just checking if you were listening, and from your reaction, I can tell that you dozed off into your thoughts.”

With your arms crossed against your chest, Hoseok slapped both of his hands together.

“Please forgive me~” He cutely asks, laughing when your lips break into a smile.

“Fine, guess I have no choice.” You tease, taking a seat next to him and snuggling into his arm.

In your hand was one of the gifts Hoseok had given to you this Christmas season. It seemed that he wanted to follow the advent tradition, giving you a present every day. The first couple of days were small presents, the custom made ornament in your hand signaling one of them.

You loved how thoughtful your boyfriend was, making little trinkets that he knew would make you smile and blossom the love you had for each other a bit more.

And so innocently you believed in this expectation until one particular wrapped present was handed over to you from Hoseok’s hands.

“Open it up.” He smiled, like a child awaiting the next new thing. “This one is definitely my favorite.”

The box was neatly wrapped in red with a cute bow on the top. You took a seat on the carpeting near the Christmas tree, wincing as your gut told you something was off with the smell that lingered in the air.

You brushed it off, playing it off until your fears were confirmed true as the lid to the box popped open. Your eyes widened as you stared in horror at the contents inside. You didn’t dare to move, your mouth glued shut.

When you had the courage to look over to Hoseok who had taken a seat next to you, the look on his face was scary nonetheless.

He was… grinning, almost like he had just won a trophy from a competition.

Yet, when your fingers slipped and the decapitated fingers and head of a person you knew bounced in its container, you screamed. Your legs moved first and while you swore you jumped as quickly as you could, Hoseok still caught onto your arm.

“Are you feeling alright?” Hoseok asks worriedly.

You flinch when he reaches his arms out, Hoseok suddenly pausing. When you look up at him with wide eyes, you regret your decision.

“Y-you...” You gulp, almost losing your footing.

Hoseok smiles, but it’s not one of his typical smiles. It doesn’t carry the innocence and sunlight quality they always did. Before, his smiles could warm up an entire room, they could reassure you, and bring comfort when you needed something.

But the smile he’s giving you, it sent chills down your spine. It isn’t until he opens his mouth that his entire expression changes.

He sighs dramatically, rolling his eyes.

“Ahhh, what a situation you put me into.” He says loudly, until his eyes look back at you as if staring deep into your soul. His eyebrows abruptly furrow as frustration builds into every wrinkle of skin.

“Well?!” He shouts, slamming his hand against the nearest wall.

“What do you want me to say?” His voice drops down several octaves from his initial yell, becoming more of a soft whisper as he cups your cheeks.

Despite the trembling of your legs and how much your brain continued to tell you to run, you stared back at him. His eyes were cloudy, a certain darkness hovering overtop them.

Even if it was December, the air between the two of you grew colder. Time seemed to freeze as the home that the two of you stayed in grew unnervingly quiet. You could feel the thumping of your heart ring in your ears as you felt the palm of your hands grow sweaty.

“H-how… But why…”

Hoseok brought his face closer to yours, placing both hands onto your shoulders as he gripped them tightly. As he loomed over you, his expression was different from the anger from before. Instead, it was scarily still, his eyes only wide.

“It’s honestly a shame that it had to come to this… That you had to realize.”

When you remained silent, Hoseok only brought his lips down on yours for a kiss.

“Are you upset that I’m not the person you imagined me to be?” He murmurs softly, close to your ear. “I honestly believed that you would understand me. After all, you love me.”

“So…” Your voice trembled as you felt your eyes water. “All of that…really did happen? You really did those things to other p-people?”

Hoseok comes incredibly close, leaning his forehead against yours. His warm breath fans over your face as he smiles.

“Of course I did. It shows how much I love you.” He answers as a matter of factly, without a pause to think about his answer.

You didn’t know you could feel any worse, your stomach churning as flashes of blood and decapitated body parts flickered in your memory. It made you even sicker when you imagined the way Hoseok, without an ounce of expression in his face, did what he had to do.

“I love you.” He whispers, caressing your skin. “I love you, I love you so much.” He repeats again in a mantra. It was almost as if the words he was saying could not express his complete adoration for you. How could a word of devotion feel so flat?

He knew that no matter how long it took, you’d understand. As he embraced your trembling figure, he imagined the day where you realized that his actions of harming the people who had hurt you were the deepest way of expressing his unending passion.

“Merry Christmas, dearest ___.”

#yandere society #yandere bts #yandere hoseok #yandere hoseok x reader #hoseok x reader #bts x christmas #hoseok #bts fanfiction #hoseok fanfiction

[carelessannie]

maybe it goes like this: tony courts peter (part 2)

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten

Read on A03

Read the Stuckony backstory WIP

Starker focus (Tony x Peter), Winteriron (Tony x Bucky), with reference to Stucky, Stony and Stuckony

This is the “meet... awkward” for my AU, and takes place roughly 8 months before the first chapter. Enjoy!

Major warnings: D/S Au, A/B/O Au, OmegaSub!Peter, BetaDom!Tony, OmegaSwitch!Bucky, AlphaDom!Steve, Heavy Awkward Flirting, Cute Nicknames, Kinda Sexy Winteriron

Maybe it goes like this:  

8 Months Earlier

Peter is looking forward to seeing his Pack after class, definitely needing to cuddle up with Annie in their nest tonight. And maybe Clint will bring home pizza. It’s been a long-ass day.

Okay, definitely pizza.

From the front of the class, Peter can hear his professor introducing the guest lecturer, and he drags his backpack around to his seat to unlock his laptop and notebook. Just as he logs in and dates his notebook page, Peter looks up to see the most attractive man in New York walk through the door, smile to the class, and introduce himself.

Tony.

Tony Stark?

No Way. The Tony stark?

Peter's ears ring, and he swears he sinks three feet into the floor.

Mr. “just call me Tony” Stark is saying something about BioMolecular Engineering, about class credit, about new processes in the industry, about independent research opportunities, about the— wait.

Peter jerks in his seat, mouth ajar, as The Tony Stark lists benefits of working in his research lab for Stark Industries, a dream Peter has nursed since high school. He barely hears the rest of the presentation, focusing on closing his mouth and blinking, keeping hot Arousal out of his scent, adjusting himself in his pants—

“—and I’ll take questions up front if you have them, thanks."

There’s a round of lazy applause, as students start to pack up and file out, and Peter shakes himself, You have to talk to him. He scribbles a few questions on his notebook and throws everything into his backpack, floating across the classroom and to the back of the line.

When he finally steps up, both of them freeze. Peter restrains himself from scenting the older man right there in the classroom because hot damn .

Peter lets out a short gasp of “hellomynameisPeterParker,” thrusting his hand forward, and is pulled in for a firm handshake, Tony Stark looking into his eyes with a vaguely amused expression.

Peter lets go, reluctantly, and stutters out, “M-mr. Stark? I think I’d be interested in the semester research opportunity.”

“Of course, Peter Parker,” Tony turns and grabs a StarkPad, scrolling briefly before handing it over to Peter, “if you want to fill it out today, feel free. It’s an equal opportunity research grant, and provides a weekly stipend for the duration of the program.”

Mr. Stark continued with details, as Peter quickly puts his information in the application and presses “submit.” He peers up at the older man, Beta? Probably? Most of what he can scent is spice and fire– maybe cinnamon, or chai like Clint? It’s hard to tell without throwing his face into the man’s neck, and inhaling deep–

“Mr. Parker? Pete?”

Peter’s head shoots up, and he realizes he’s been still for too long without responding, and immediately goes to apologize, “Oh, I-i’m so sorry, Mr. Stark, I just… I finished the application? Shouldn’t I submit– or, sorry– send in a resume? Sorry.”

Mr. Stark keeps his expression schooled, but Peter can tell that he’s holding back a smile. Dammit Parker, way to nail the first impression. He shifts on his feet, biting his lip as Mr. Stark shakes his head slowly.

“No, it’s okay Peter. Our admin team will review the first round of applications by department, and send out an email link for further information, alright?” he gives into his smile, reaching out as if to... what, comfort Peter? But aborts the motion and crosses his arms, flexing slightly under his navy suit.

“Do you have any other questions, Peter?”

“No, n-no not right now, sorry, thank you Mr. Stark, sir. Um. Okay? I’ll see you later?” and Peter beats a hasty retreat out of the classroom, feeling his scent shift Embarrassed and hot tears prick his eyes.

Why does he always give a terrible first impression?

—

Tony stands, shocked in the empty classroom, schooling his scent and his breathing.

Thank you Mr. Stark, sir.

He collects his things in a haze, heading back to his pack and thinking about the gorgeous omega who just called his name.

Damn. His Alpha and Omega are gonna want to hear about this.

2 Weeks Later

Tony is straightening up the last few items in the R&D lab, hearing Pepper’s complaints of You need to care about your work space, Tony and You need to prepare a safe space for interns to work, Tony. And Pepper is right, of course, so Tony keeps cleaning.

He hears the doors swish open, and sighs, schooling his expression to neutral. He whirls around, raising his hands to defend himself against what he assumes is a new portion of nagging from Pepper, and instead–

The pretty omega from NYU.

What? “What are you–” Tony starts, watching as– Parker? Pete, Peter?– clutches a bag close to his chest, large doe eyes widening in shock and fear and… yup, there it is, FearShockEmbarassed Omega scent floods the lab as Peter takes a step backwards, lips opening and closing in shock.

“Hey, are you–”

“I’m so sorry, I–”

Tony shakes his head, stepping a little closer, “No, it’s okay, Peter? Right? From NYU?” with a nod in confirmation, Tony barrels ahead, “I thought you were– no, it doesn’t matter. Are you, are you here for the internship?”

“Y-yes, I’m sorry, they said to come at noon, but I thought I’d get here early and, god I can’t believe it, I’m so sorry, I’ll just wait– uh, wait outside?” Peter stutters through the explanation, lowering his eyes and backing towards the door to retreat into the hallway.

“No, like I said Peter, it’s okay, honestly,” Tony looks around quickly, trying to find a seat for the started young man, and yanks out the stool to his workbench, “here, sit down, please?”

There’s a moment of stillness as Peter looks between the stool and Tony, muttering something under his breath and setting his jaw in determination. Damn this boy is adorable, and Tony forces himself to keep a neutral expression as the om– the intern – walks across the room and sets down his backpack. Tony turns to the other side of the desk to give Peter some space, and clears the last of the notebooks into a nearby drawer.

He wants to start a conversation with Peter, fingers twitching in the unbearable silence, but is saved by the lab doors opening again, revealing Pepper leading five lost looking interns into the room. She leads so gracefully, he thinks, and feels his scent turn Fond and Proud for the Beta. Pepper sits each intern down, greeting Peter as well, and before he knows it, orientation and introduction are underway. The interns have their own work benches, and Pepper lets another supervisor take over the first day paperwork.

While the interns work in silence, Tony refuses to fixate on Peter, even though he takes to the research environment so beautifully. He's smart, he makes the funniest sarcastic quips when he thinks no one is listening, and he's kind of quiet, but always speaks up when he has a strong opinion.

Tony keeps his interactions unbiased among the other interns, mostly betas and one alpha, and is so relieved when the day ends and the students finally shuffle out of the lab. Peter ends up last to leave, staring at Tony and nervously licking his lips as he shoulders his bag. He seems to hesitate.

“Yeah, what’s up Pete?”

“Oh… no, right, see you tomorrow?” Peter shifts back and forth on his feet.

Tony smiles, “Of course, early bird,” and honestly can’t help his eye twitching, helplessly, in a wink.

Peter stutters out some type of goodbye, and flutters back through the door.

Tony blows out a breath, “JARVIS, call Bucky.”

—

“So what you’re tellin’ me is, you’ve somehow managed to find a smokin’ hot–”

“Beautiful,” Tony interrupts, “and compatible–”

“Right, smokin’ hot, compatible omega, and you… hire him?”

“I mean, technically I didn’t hire him personally–”

“Tony–”

“No, you know what, I get it. It’s my fault I can’t have him. But Bucky, I swear he’s so damn smart, and I can’t even let myself hope about his orientation,”

Bucky groans audibly over the line, but Tony protests again, “–because I swear he would submit so beautifully, Bucky, I can just see it. And remember how I said he called me sir?”

“How could I forg–”

“It’s all I can think about. I don’t wanna be overbearing, but I’m completely helpless around him and have no idea what to do. Bucky, I winked at him. Winked. And he ran away so fast.”

He can hear Bucky laughing at him over the line, that idiot, and Tony drops his head in his hands.

“Want my advice, sweetheart?” Bucky doesn’t wait for an answer before continuing, “I think you should take it slow and court ‘im. Sounds like it could be awhile before you can make anything official, and what is he, like eighteen?”

“... Twenty.”

“Okay, twenty. He probably isn’t looking for a permanent pack anyways, alright? Get to know ‘im at work, and as soon as you can, you should also put a stop to him seeing you as his boss,”

“Wait, but–”

“No, Tony. As much as it feels great for this little omega to call you ‘Mr. Stark’ and ‘Sir,’ if you want anything more with this guy, you have to work to even out the relationship a bit.”

Tony slumps down into a seat, sighing dramatically. Bucky goes silent as Tony processes what he’s saying. A thought occurs to him,

“Wait, is that how Steve got you?”

Bucky snorts, “Yeah, you know our Alpha’s ‘bout as subtle as a dump truck. His advice is gonna be, ‘sit the omega down, state your intentions to court him, communicate clearly,’ all that shit,” another laugh, this time fonder, “I’m just sayin’ to save that for later, okay? Take it slow.”

Heading towards the door, Tony signals for JARVIS to move the conversation to his phone as he heads home. He pops in an earpiece for the call, and makes sure Bucky is still on the line.

“Yeah, I’ll take your advice Bucky-bear. Hey, are you home?” Tony taps his foot as the elevator descends to the parking garage, feeling a familiar itch starting under his skin.

“Yeah I am, Steve’s out until later... why, what’s up?”

He gets out of the elevator, heading for his car, “I think all this talk of the perfect omega has me missing you. Wanna do something soft and dirty when I get home?”

Bucky hums, the sound sweet and tempting, even over the phone line, “Whaddya have in mind, my Beta?”

“Oh you know I love when you call me that,” Tony peels out onto the main road, heading towards their coastal property, their home, “I want you to contact Steve and ask him to pick up dinner, your choice. I’ll tell him what my plan is for you tonight, so he won’t be surprised. I’ll be there in thirty-five minutes and want you in the red room, ready to play, understood?”

Tony can hear Bucky breathing quicker over the phone as he responds, “Yes, Beta.”

“My good omega. And for now, let’s not tell our Alpha about Peter. Not unless it gets serious, okay?”

“Mmm okay, Tony. Hurry home,” and Bucky ends the call.

Tony steps on it.

#starker #winteriron #stuckony #stony #stucky #tony x peter #bucky x tony #d/s fic #light d/s #meet awkward #getting together #fluff #MiGLT #omegaverse

[yanderemommabean]

Yandere Illness Bakugou Katsuki (By Admin Mommabean)

The villain was definitely an easy take down. Small time crooks are always biting off more than they can chew in a fruitless effort to become the next big scare in the news and media. A few civilians were bruised up, but thankfully alive, all thanks to the new top ten heroes who were able to arrive on time. Katsuki was one of the first on the scene, getting up close and personal in his usual brash and on-sight attack methods, typically looked down upon by much more thorough and examining heroes after things were wrapped up. 

This time wasn’t unlike any other. The villain attacked, said some stupid things about how heroes are hypocrites, and was under Katsukis fist or boot once the soliloquy was about halfway done and grating on his nerves. Self righteous villains got on his nerves more than Izuku did when he was overly nerding out with people. 

The villain mumbled something incoherent when the cops arrived to lock them away, looking Katsuki dead in the eyes as they did so. He could only make out the last few words, and considered it drugged up nonsense. Something along the lines of “Your darkest desires will take over. I’m not the only one who’s sick”. 

Whatever that was supposed to mean, Katsuki couldn’t care less. He’s heard all types of death threats before, so this was nothing! A joke at this point really. “Mr. Bakugou, we need to inform you about this attack, it's urgent, but needs to be done in private” an investigator advised, taking his attention away from the car hauling the perpetrator away.  He nods in a silent agreement, about to ask when he should arrive, but was bombarded by media personnel and flashing phone cameras. 

He said his usual replies, knowing that things needed to be kept out of the spotlight for now until they figured out exactly what the villain was up too, and said about his usual amount of curse words along the entire short lived interviews.  

“Alright everyone, we have important issues to cover! Please leave your questions to the officers to the left of you, I need a moment with Mr. Ground Zero” A calm voice stated with hands held up to block his face from the paparazzi. Katsuki groans as the flock fleets over to the officers in a heartbeat, thankful that the man came to his rescue so to speak. 

“Their attention is off of me, so what’s wrong? This villain got some sort of mass murder planned like the old league?” he bit out with his arms crossed over his chest. Every other year, there’s a bad guy trying to redo what shigaraki couldn’t, and its getting pathetic that they keep trying. He recalls a villain last year who tried to be tough with a weak quirk, and it only ended in them being beaten up by Deku and him. Honestly, when will they learn? 

“That’s the issue. They weren’t a villain or a hero, just a civilian who was trying to get a coffee. The next thing we’re told, he’s proclaiming asinine things about love and his desire for some poor girl at the counter who he’s supposedly known for less than a year, attacking some people with his quirk when they tried to tell him to back off”. 

Well that's nuts. Was he upset that he got rejected? A love story gone wrong? 

“So he got his heart broken and retaliated in a bad way, doesn’t mean he has my sympathy, he still hurt people” He said blandly, as if he wasn’t affected. 

“We think its an illness. These cases have been popping up all over the country, as if its a disease that’s airborne. The symptoms are all the same” The man explained with a worried expression. “Well, we assumed it was airborne anyway...Now it seems to be more by droplets and touch. We’re concerned that this outbreak may have been passed to you, and we need to do some testing as soon as possible. I wish I had time to explain more, but we need to start disinfecting people as soon as possible”. 

What? This dude is telling him that he might be infected with a disease that makes him fall in love or some shit? That’s nuts! Absolutely batshit! “Im not letting some nerd tell me i'm sick if you can’t even tell me why this is so dangerous. I think I'll be just fine” he bites out, beginning to turn and head towards his house. 

“Mr please! It could be life and death! Just-” the medic stammers, trying not to anger the hot headed hero “Just...don’t come in contact with anyone for a while, and I’ll do what I can to explain everything. Please?” he asks with a pleading expression, hoping that the top hero would at least consider his options. 

With an annoyed huff, Katsuki nods, but doesn’t give anymore confirmation than that. He just wanted to continue his patrol and head home, he needed a nice shower after being covered in dirt and scratches. 

He walks in his home about half an hour later, scratching his head to shake loose some dirt as he flicks on the light. He huffed, tossing his mask aside to the couch while shutting the door with his foot. Soap and water sounded pleasant right about now, and he could feel his muscles aching for the attention of a steamy shower. 

“Your darkest desires will take over. I’m not the only one who’s sick” 

Those words echoed in his head as he stands under the spray of the water. What could they possibly mean? Were they aware that they were ill with whatever that nerd was telling him about? Were they even the same person anymore? 

He shakes his head and tries to focus on just relaxing, shampooing his hair and humming to himself softly, making the world around him nonexistent for a few moments as his eyes closed in thought. As usual, his personal time was short, and the ringing of his phone caused him to once again be aware that reality kinda sucks. 

He turned off the water and tried to dry his hands the best he could, picking up the device with a scowl “yeah? What is it?” He bit out water still dripping from his hair as he wrapped a towel around his waist. “M-Mr. Bakugo! I'm sorry if this is inconvenient, but I just got some news that you needed to hear! That man who was sent away was tested, and it turns out he was contaminated by a new virus”. 

“And? What's that gotta do with me? “ He asked with a quirked eyebrow “I need a shot or whatever?”. 

“There’s a vaccine being made now, but no cure....The symptoms and signs are hard to tell until its too late”. 

He knit his brows together while listening in, becoming slightly nervous “What are the signs? Quit beatin’ around the bush and tell me already!”. 

The man's voice squeaked a bit, and he began to try and explain without stuttering in fear. “Obsessive thoughts over someone, possessive behavior, delusional thinking, aggressive actions that can lead to injury or death for the other person, anxiety, insomnia- The list goes on! Its...It’s like a-”

“Like a love virus” Katsuki finished, his cheeks becoming red from the thought of who he could possibly even fall for. “You think I have it? You think I’d hurt people if I do?” He asked while trying to cover the worry in his voice, knowing that in order to solve problems you often have to remain level headed. 

“It’s hard to say at this moment, sir, but I can always send someone to do tests if you feel you’re having early signs and symptoms. For now, just use standard caution when meeting people. Gloves, masks, anything you feel would protect you and others. I promise, our team is doing their best to stop this disease in its tracks”. 

Katsuki runs his fingers through his hair as he listens, humming small agreements before ending the call, placing his cell phone on the side of the sink with shaking hands. “I can’t be sick like that bastard! I won’t let it happen!” he says aloud, looking at himself in the foggy mirror before him. 

“I’m not sick. I won’t get sick. I'm a hero! Heroes don’t get sick! They help the sick!” he states while pointing at himself. “I. Won’t. Get. Sick”. He’s sure he’s fine! He won’t get these symptoms! No, he’s as healthy as can be! 

Poor thing has no idea that the virus has already taken over, and that his trials have just begun. 

#Yandere virus #yandere sickness #yandere scenarios #yandere bnha #yandere Bakugou #yandere bakugo #yandere imagines #yandere male #mommabean #BNHA #yandere prompts

[flyonthewallmedstudent]

Watching House as a Physician.  Season 2 Episode 3. Infectious diseases & Respiratory.

Welcome to another episode of medicine done badly.  I’ve been watching House on Amazon prime.  Got the subscription during the pandemic, as like everyone else, I’ve garnered an online shopping habit now. 

Alright. In the opening scene a young roof worker falls off the roof presumably due to acute shortness of breath. i.e. trouble breathing. (why do we use the term shortness of breath? it’s the english version of the greek term dyspnoea - the actual preferred language of Western doctors. Fuck do I know why we like Greek and Latin so much. Moving on.) Then cut to Dr. Cuddy examining him in the back of the ambulance. 

This would never happen in real life. Yes you can be on the scene and handover to the paramedics or EMT when they arrive as a doctor. But they would take over. I personally wouldn’t have the balls to look after a patient in a different environment, different resources and field I’m not familiar with. You can have field Emergency docs - but requires different training. 

Also, ethically, you’re not meant to treat family or friends. Dr. Cuddy later in the episode gets a bit emotionally involved - this is why we don’t treat people close to us. We lose objectivity. We make mistakes. And you see later see Cuddy do some pretty bad ones. 

I feel like much of this episode is not really IM. THere’s less differential diagnoses being made. More side tracks into trauma, emergency, intensive care or vascular surgery. 

Anyhoo. Trauma and emergency would manage the fall and post fall traumatic injuries. And the trauma protocol was either not shown or completely off in this episode. Surgeons don’t seem to exist in House, at least not very much. Similarly, no other doctors exist except surgeons in Grey’s anatomy.  Also you can’t clear a C Spine clinically, which is what Dr. Cuddy does in the back of the ambulance. You’d need a CT first and clearance both radiological (by a radiologist) and a clinician. 

Aaaanddd, you can’t just listen to the chest and go no pneumothorax (air in lung or collapsed lung) - yes it’s reassuring, but again you’d need imaging to confirm this, given how serious a condition this is. It is realistic to consider in the setting of a fall, particularly if there are rib fractures that can puncture the lung.

Once the more critical injuries are managed, we would look after the IM side to things. 

So. Finally.. differential diagnoses.

Takes what seems and feels like days before they finally sit down and go through differentials. Really not much on that white board. Dark fingers, broken ribs, fever and lung infiltrates. Time line’s not clear on when he developed the fever.

Presenting complaint isn’t really addressed. It could be: - Dyspnoea, leading to the fall, he’s requiring O2 via nasal prongs, which suggests that he’s hypoxic (this is definitely odd in a young guy who’s normally very physical fit if he works as labourer). so much to unpack here, but they never get into this well.  Post fall, Cuddy notices his ring and pinky finger becoming dusky, which becomes very central in this episode. Very few things would cause this. pains me that they do no differentials on a white board for this alone. 

Then a lot of throwing around medical terms. 

PTT prolonged and Fibrinogen off. These are markers of your coagulation pathway and signs that you’re not forming the clots the way you should if you have an injury.  DIC is also thrown around. What is DIC? Disseminated intravascular coagulopathy. Certainly severe sepsis and trauma can cause this and lead to severe bleeding. It will throw off your coagulation pathways (things that stop bleeding). It’s not common. I’ve treated it once, while I was rotating in ICU, it is not standard ward medicine practice. Standard therapy is fresh frozen plasma (FFP) and even large metropolitan hospitals only have a limited supply. It’s a huge concern for surgery and post-op (as you patient will just not stop bleeding after you cut them open, and if not treated, potentially bleed to death). Cuddy mentions ARDS. Acute respiratory distress syndrome, it could be a complication, but it’s not a cause. Again, falls more into the realm of critical care (a la ICU). However, patient had SOB prior to the fall. Finally HOuse makes the observation. of “what if he was sick before he had his run in with gravity...” Everyone jumps to Pneumonia. And this is where it gets confusing.  If he was unwell, the minute he entered the emergency department with a fever and hypoxia, they would have worked him up for any garden variety pneumonia, bacterial or viral. Cultures would have been sent and imaging. Any young hypoxic patient would prompt a closer look at the chest. And no one waits that long to start antibiotics - “sepsis kills” is a slogan often used around hospitals. You have to initiate empirical therapy within 30 mins, to reduce mortality and morbiditiy. 

Ordering an Echocardiogram (USS of the Heart) also makes no sense in the context of a lung infection. I would order one, but not to look at the lungs.

Then there’s the most unrealistic thing about this series. Doctors breaking into patient homes.

It is however, a good way to showcase social history. It’d be boring to watch a doctor ask the patient outright about their living situation etc, but it’s far more interesting to see exactly how they live. We try as much as possible to illustrate to each other and ourselves what the living environment and working environment of our patients are like. 

In the context of infection, a good social history can point out exposure. As they exemplify by showing dead rodents and mould. This leads to 2 further differentials: Rat bite fever (caused by streptobacillus, something you’d see in the US, but probably not anywhere else), it’s an unrealistic differential in general. And the 2nd is aspergillosis.  Okay..  So aspergillus is a mould commonly found in our environment. In fact it’s everywhere around us. 

THere’s few times when it’s an issue.  It is a concern in respiratory syndromes like asthma or bronchiectasis. And also as an opportunistic infection in immunocompromised individuals. in the context of asthma, it’s not so much the aspergillus itself that causes issue, it’s our body’s over reaction. It’s a hypersensitivity issue that causes inflammation in the lungs or a pneumonitis. We even gave it a name. Allergic bronchopulmonary aspergillosis. It’s still badness, but it doesn’t happen that quickly. We also have specific tests for this, which were obviously not considered in this episode of medicine done badly. In the immunocompromised host (steroid therapy in transplant patients or those on chemo, etc.), you can get the invasive mould as an opportunistic infection.  I don’t really understand why they think it would be the case here. Also, killing the bug with heavy duty anti fungals will only give more issues rather than do anything. They start him on amphotericin. this is not standard practice.  And now it flips to why amphotericin is not standard practice or first line treatment for invasive aspergillosis. The patient has now become anuric (not making any urine). (First line drug by the way is voraconazole, superior efficacy in trials with a lower mortality rate and ADRs) Also, note that they have just jumped straight to dire renal failure from the amphotericin. No work up. That said, heavy drugs like amphotericin are often a cause, but  It’s often temporary with the appropriate supportive measures (stop insulting agents, give hydration, monitor fluid balance), reversible, even if you require temporary dialysis or haemofiltration. Anyways, would get into AKI another day, that’s a whole other post in and of itself.  Then his hand is apparently “dying.” There’s pain on light touch, but it’s not a cold, pulseless limb. Or discoloured. doesn’t add up. This now enters vascular surgeon territory. Again. It’s interesting that there’s never any referrals to any other teams. If he has good circulation, I would imagine they would try to save the hand and consider other differentials. 

The only time I can think of an emergency amputation in this situation is necrotising fascitiis. That’s the only thing that would occur that rapidly  AND necessitate losing tissue or limb.  With a young person who’s this ill, there’s often multiple subspecialties involved by this point. I’m also surprised he’s not in ICU.

Then there’s a buncha filler scenes of the cast of house getting emotional. Ho my god, they’ve taken the hand of a young 20 something physical labourer. Indeed, this is badness. Unlike House, we actually are trained to always consider how a patient’s illness impacts their activities of daily living and livelihood. 

I find the general population assumes that we practice medicine in a vacuum, we merely treat the clinical illness and ignore everything else. They imagine that we all must be like house. 

Actually we try to put things in perspective as much as possible and knowing our limitations in this area, we often enlist the help of friends - physiotherapists, occupational therapists and social workers. They never exist on TV or on the movies. Ever. Unless it’s to portray how terrible it is to be a social worker.  From time to time in this episode, Cuddy laments that being chief of medicine is too administrative and she hasn’t been a doctor in years. That also doesn’t happen in real life. If you’re chief you’re still a doctor. You have admin shit to do deal with yes, but you still practice. It’s like being chief resident, in all the TV shows with one of these, you still seem them working as residents, be it scrubs or grey’s anatomy. 

Back to the differential. They finally get to endocarditis. Culture negative to be precise. That indeed would explain the bilateral dusky fingers that led to unnecessary amputation. Septic emboli. 

Going to stop here, more out of exhaustion now. I’ve created quite a lengthy post. Happy to reblog thoughts on culture negative endocarditis on request later. This is a worthy topic to study up on for students or residents. At least review Duke’s criteria and think about your clinical features like Roth Spots and Janeway lesions or Ouch Osler’s nodes. 

The ending is also a far fetched connection to make, but is one that we would consider. In fact, we would ask in detail every time from day one - have you had any exposure to animals. It’s very rare to see someone so young be that sick out of the blue when you’re immunocompetent and have no underlying predisposing conditions. If there’s no focal source, then we would even ask about injectable recreational drugs, exotic travels, sexual health. 

Most of the time, patients that sick are honest to their doctors. 

But what about..

Frankly, much as we lie as humans, when our lives our on the line, we’re generally pretty honest (sometimes too honest) with the people we want to save us. 

Any patient who is young and comes to hospital requiring inpatient admission, they’d be investigated by subspecialties with expertise in certain areas such as infectious disease. The dept of infectious disease would either be home team, or all over this patient as they special in the realm of both common and rare infectious diseases, culture negative endocarditis would have been considered before a hand amputation.

The term, “department of diagnostic medicine is laughable,” particularly when they consider it the only department in the world in the show. 

In actuality, it’s a department that is universal and exists everywhere. it’s Internal medicine. Dr. Vivek Murthy, the next surgeon general (and also the last one under Obama) is an internal medicine physician. Ken Jeong of Community and the Hangover fame is also a physician of internal medicine. 

Beginning to get the sense that most episodes are going to end with a diagnosis that is either infectious disease, rheumatology or haematology. But generally those tend to be most interesting and give the most plot twists or meaty differentials V.s. a stroke or acute myocardial infarction is fairly straightforward to diagnose. 

This is a very twisty episode in all the wrong directions. 

Dyspnoea is a very common presenting complaint. There’s a properly done approach to this in the podcast by the Curbsiders by the way. 

#medblrs #medblr

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

ɢᴏʟᴅᴇɴ ᴡɪɴᴅ 1/2 | 𝕊𝕡𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝔸𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝔸𝕌! | WindSpirit!Bruno x Human!Reader [𝕁𝕁𝔹𝔸 𝟝]

[PART ii]

I literally had this thought last night (7/6/2020) when I was talking with Admin T. I mentioned Ghibli AU’s and well-- expect her to also put a Ghibli-esque AU out in the near future~! As for me, I saw fan art of Bruno and Haku and well--- here’s where this came from SKSKSKSK I hope you guys enjoy this! ;; god I love spirited away so much...

» » Admin Ko

»»————-　♡　————-««

For as long as she could remember, the wind was always warm and friendly around her. The soft way it tousled her hair always left her chest feeling breathless whenever she played out in the large open yard. Now, at the age to finally begin her life alone, she can’t help but slowly forget the warmth of the summer breeze that always greeted her every time she went out to play. 

Now, all she could really think of is the bustling streets and the crowded subways. The daily routine she became accustomed felt more like a pattern she could never escape from. 

With a heavy sigh, she looked up at her musty colored ceiling. The sudden sporadic memories of home overwhelming her as a wave of homesickness washed over her depleted form. 

How long had it been since she had gone back? As she closed her eyes she pieced together her fuzzy childhood memories. Though in reality she couldn’t remember much. The loud horns and yells of people failed to help in her submersion of her memories as she finally sat up. 

“...maybe I should head to campus to work on that paper...” 

Another blank stare to the ground, and then she was up as she sluggishly made her way to collect the messy and torn pages of her notebook. Her laptop placed securely in it’s pouch before falling into her backpack with a soft ‘thump’. Once everything was collected, she gave her barren room a brisk look around before leaving the premises. 

Though as she left, the light touch of a familiar warm wind brushed against her arm as she left. She, of course, paid no mind to it as the door shut firmly behind her. Unknown to her, a ghostly figure stood by the now closed door. It’s sad eyes taking in the small and deprecated state of her room and then the lone figure that walked down the silent hallways. With that, the figure vanished, the warm sun shining through the weak windows of her room in the spot it once stood. 

ⳮⷤ ── ⲇ ── ⳮⷤ

Seated at the book busy table, she couldn’t help but hold back a grimace as she wedged herself into an open seat. The crunch of final exams and projects was taking it’s toll on the student mind, and anyone could see that as plain as day. 

Once comfortable, or as comfortable as she could get herself, she brought out her notes and laptop. Her fingers working in a quick and familiar routine as her tired eyes found themselves staring back at an empty page. The title, header, and page number mockingly stared back at her as her sporadic notes sat by her side. 

As hard as she tried to force herself to indulge in the working grind, her mind just refused to work. Instead, more memories of her youth kept flashing at her-- signalling her, luring her into a world that was carefree with no worries; and boy did she want to just succumb to those thoughts.  

Before she could even nod her head off, a loud thump and annoyed groan came from her right as she, and many other students around her, turned to look at the figure who banged their head on the desk. As relatable as the situation was, it definitely was distracting. Out of her peripherals, she could spot a couple of annoyed stares and an angry huff from the person before her. 

The tension in the usual quaint sanctuary of the library was now broken, and a good majority of people were none to happy. Feeling an edge of panic, she quickly packed her belongings away and slipped out of the cramped bench. The cool air fanned against the sweat that had begun to build up from the small amount of time she stayed seated and she was honestly thankful for the disruption.

With hurried steps, she walked out of the library and back into the never sleeping city. 

ⳮⷤ ── ⲇ ── ⳮⷤ

“....should I take a break and head back home?”

The question came abruptly, an old thought suddenly coming back full force into her mind as she found herself back in her apartment. Her bag abandoned by the front door and her shoes kicked off haphazardly as she found herself staring back into the musty colored ceiling. 

In retrospect, she had 3 weeks left before her papers and projects were due. If she decided to return home, she’d have 2 weeks to prepare for finals and to finish her papers. Furrowing her brows, she couldn’t help but feel her mind reel at the sudden rescheduling of her assignments and planned writing. 

“This is honestly too much...” 

Another sigh, and she kicked herself up from her lain position. Without even a glance at where she was grabbing, she fumbled for an all too familiar object; and once in her possession she found herself flopping back down onto the bed as the dial tone rang in her ear. She hadn’t even noticed she dialed her mother’s phone number.

As the dial tone rang, she felt a strange anxious feeling well up in her chest, but once she heard her mother’s familiar voice she melted into a soft smile as her features smoothed over. 

“Hi mom...yeah I’m doing good. Yes, I’m eating-- no, you don’t need to do that.” 

A soft giggle as the familiar banter filled her ear. As the conversation drew on, she felt herself slipping more into her bed as she curled around one of her pillows for a sense of familiarity. When the line went silent for a moment, she spoke what was on her mind. Her words flooding out in waves as she felt stress filled tears slip out of her eyes as her body racked with emotional tension.

Once spent, she weakly wiped at her red and puffy eyes as she felt her mother’s comforting words slip into her tired mind. The confirmation she honestly needed. 

“Come home. Give your body and mind a break, sweet heart.”

ⳮⷤ ── ⲇ ── ⳮⷤ

The next day, her memories went by in a flurry of motions. She remembered packing her essentials. The fuzzy forms of people slipping by her as she purchased her ticket and found herself now in a taxi on her way back home for the first time in months. 

Though as the familiar scenery passed her dull eyes a familiar stone statue caught her attention. Her eyes widened slightly as a memory whipped itself into her head, promptly taking her back in time as she could practically feel the warm rays of the beating sun down her face and the careless laugh that flew past her lips as she played out in the open field.

Before she couldn’t even stop herself, she has asked for the taxi driver to drop her off. Her bag now sitting on the road next to her as she looked at the wide expanse of field and forest before her. The all too familiar scenery bringing back a sense of nostalgia, and despite the cold winter air, she could still feel a strange warmth to it. 

Step by step, she found herself walking through the paths she walked through as a child, and soon enough she found herself before an old tunnel. The friendly little statue at the front greeting her as if an old friend had returned and she couldn’t help but feel a warm smile flush across her face as her hand gently patted the top of it’s head.

“Hello Iwa...it’s good to see you again.”

A soft whisper of comfort fell from her lips as she gently rubbed the cool statue before looking up at the grand abandoned tunnel. As a child, she was told to never venture forth, for the dangers of being lost was too great. Now though, as an adult her child-like curiosity couldn’t help but come back at full swing. 

“...A little detour never hurt...” 

Looking around, she set her bag down in a secluded area behind the statue before steeling herself and stepping forth into the dark tunnel. An initial sense of dread washed over her as darkness crowded her vision, but suddenly a bright light met her gaze and subconsciously she began to pick up the pace. Her feet moving quicker towards the bright light as the odd familiar warm summer’s breeze rushed forth, tousling in her hair once again as she broke through. 

What greeted her was an expanse of field, flowers of all types graced the area as her eyes fell on an odd looking trinket that sat on a stone pedestal. Suddenly intrigued, she moved forward. 

“Is this...an arrow?” 

Though right as she went to touch it a sharp yet deep voice cut out at her.

“What are you doing here?!”

The prick to her finger and a strange feeling suddenly overcame her as her vision fuzzed over, her form toppling to the side as she was suddenly caught in strong warm arms. The blurry figure of a person hovered above her as she tried to focus on their muffled words.

Though all she could remember before she fell unconscious was the striking cobalt blue eyes the stranger had.

ⳮⷤ ── ⲇ ── ⳮⷤ

When she awoke, she found herself in a bed. One that was warm and held a sense of familiarity in it’s own strange right. Grimacing, you went to try and massage the headache that suddenly made itself known to you away when you found your face being gently cupped by warm tan hands.

“Oh caro, are you okay? What on earth are you doing here? You shouldn’t be wandering in these forests at all!” 

It was almost comical how the tall man before her was practically crumbling before her in worry. From an initial glance, he looked to be someone who no one would try to fight, but upon closer inspection he was just a young kind hearted man who had a heart of gold and a sense for justice. Yet she couldn’t shake the odd feeling of deja vu as she looked at the man’s worried face.

“...I’m sorry but...who are you? I remember walking into an open clearing with flowers and I saw an...arrow?”

The man stared, almost pained as he searched deeply into her face for any sense of recognition before resigning as an odd haze filtered over his eyes. The action making her even more confused before he gave her a rather pointed stare.

“I’ll explain, but you must tell me what drove you to venture through the tunnel. Alright?”

Hearing his tone, she couldn’t help but obey as she gave him an obedient nod before he finally let go of her face. The feeling almost sent her stomach lurching with affectionate want as the warmth and comfort his hands held brought a sense of calmness to her; and now that it was removed she felt...on edge.

Seeming to sense her uneasiness, he set a hand on top of her own as he relaxed and schooled his expression into one that wouldn’t reveal much, but was comforting in it’s own way. 

“...I...I’m gonna sound stupid for saying this but...I’ve had this weird pull to this place. As a kid I remember playing in these fields and the forest in these parts, and my mom told me to never play in the tunnel because I could get lost....but, as an adult I thought it would be okay? I only meant to stay for a short while! Honest!”

Her heart raced as she felt a sense of dread overcome her. The strange feeling of disappointment settling in the pit of her stomach that even his warm hand couldn’t contain. It was unexplainable, this odd feeling of disappointment and guilt she felt compiling within her as she couldn’t meet the handsome man’s worried eyes. 

Eventually, a soft and even sigh drew her attention from her lap to his face as he gave her a strangely familiar soft look. The dull ache in her chest now causing a subtle shock as she furrowed her brows. Instinctively preparing for a tongue lashing, that she had almost missed the words that escaped his lips.

“....you never change do you?” 

The look in his eyes practically began to melt her unease away, despite the strange comfort she found in the words she could barely hear. When she tilted her head in curiosity to know what he said, he merely gave her an almost dejected chuckle as he brushed it off.

“It was something I said to myself, don’t worry. Now, as for what you told me...I can tell that you’re not lying. The truth in your words and expressions are enough evidence for me to assume you aren’t here on some ulterior motive.”

The relief that flooded over her body was immediate. The slump of her body falling back into the cozy bed had the mysterious man before her chuckle once again. A glimmer of joy in his warm blue eyes as he watched her motions.

“I will have to say though...the item you touched--- the arrow. It’s something that should never be touched by a human. We’ll need to visit a friend of mine to get an understanding of your condition before we can get you home. Is that alright?”

Though his words held nothing but concern and warmth, the absolute dread and fear of the unknown coiled around her as she felt the color drain from her face. 

“Hu...man. Are...are you not human?”

A sense of deja vu overwhelmed her as a faint memory played of her younger self. The same question being poised to a young blurry figure. Another thump of pain dropped into her chest. Ignoring his concerned words, she once again built up the courage to look him in the eyes. Her demands for an answer high, despite her mind and subconscious desperately wanting this all to be some sort of dream.

With a resigned sigh, the mysterious man leaned back into his chair. Seemingly considering his choices as he looked out to the fields. A melancholy look on his face before he turned to her once more. 

“Correct. I’m not human, I am Bruno, the spirit of the Golden Summer Winds.”

#jjba x reader #jjba imagines #bruno buccellati x reader #bruno x reader #bruno buccellati #spirited away au #au #spirit!bruno

[sweetest-honeybee]

To Hell and Back

Chapter 21

Summary: Wels begins to fight back against a new voice in his head but to no avail.

Characters: Wels, Beef, Tango, Evil X, Xisuma, Doc

TW: Blood mentions, crying, violence, good ol mind control

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For some reason, Ex was outside with Xisuma longer than all of them had initially thought he’d be. After that whole ordeal, a thick silence hung in the air, broken occasionally by the shuffling of either knight and whispered directions by the two men. Tango on the other hand leaned against the wall, his face in one of his palms.

Okay, he probably just fucked up, no biggie. He probably just single handedly destroyed Evil Xisuma’s love life. And probably just destroyed all possible chances of him and Hels becoming better friends on that other hand. Right, right, that was no big deal. It wasn’t like Evil X had worked so hard to finally have a decent relationship with Hels.

If only he just kept his mouth shut and quit joking around in such a seriously fragile moment.

Naturally, he felt incredibly guilty- as he already had felt for trying to say Wels deserved punishment for actions he had no control over. Even despite Wels’s apology, the demon sulked in the corner and slid down the wall pathetically.

“I fucked up, didn’t I,” he said aloud, not bothering to look at the others. From the other side of the room, he could hear a gruff sigh, not really knowing whether it was Doc or Hels, but more than likely it was the latter. Yet, Beef decided to speak up.

“Well, can’t say that you didn’t. But no use in fretting over it now, I guess. What’s done is done and that’s for Hels and Evil X to discuss, not us.”

Tango sighed through his nose. He had a point, but what was the use of it when all he could think about was how Xisuma was probably scolding him for such an act. Not unless the other simply found it too funny to really coddle him for, but it was too obvious now how embarrassed the dark knight was and how he avoided everyone’s gaze with a deep flush on his face.

“I’m gonna go check on them, see if everything’s alright,” he decided aloud. The others made their own noises of confirmation. He stood and walked outside, not initially finding the admin, nor his counterpart, around the building.

Strange, he thought they’d be out here.

Tango decided to look around further. He didn’t really see more than the occasional villager or sand dusted rabbit, but he could hear a conversation of some kind somewhere. Just as he looked to his left, he saw Xisuma taking off into the skies, about thirty blocks away, he estimated. Using that as his reference point, he followed the trail of gunpowder behind the lift off.

Though, he wasn’t exactly expecting such a distraught Evil Xisuma left behind on the ground. At least that’s what he thought. The figure seemed to be curling in on himself. Tango didn’t just want to stand there, but he didn’t want to have Ex lashing out at him. But some kind of apology was necessary.

“You okay there?” He decided to ask, thankfully not against his better judgment. That seemed to get the other’s attention. He turned to face Tango quickly.

“Oh um….not really, to be honest.” Ex hugged himself tighter which only made Tango worry. He didn’t make Ex feel that bad did he? Not unless Xisuma had said something to him to make him so upset. That seemed quite unlikely though, given how patient X was with his brother.

“Is it because of what I said earlier? I didn’t mean for all of that to happen,” he pressed further. The other didn’t reply, only trembling slightly. The demon made a comment on how he didn’t need to answer, instead asking where Xisuma was.

That only seemed to bring more fear or sadness to the counterpart in front of him. “I...made him angry,” Ex finally replied, looking more defeated than ever.

And yet, Tango couldn't bring himself to really care. His thoughts were suddenly flooded with curiosity as to how on earth someone, even Evil X, would make the admin angry. Even if it could be an exaggeration, Xisuma wouldn’t ever just fly off like that without at least typing into his communicator.

His worry was then replaced with some kind of anger. If someone made Xisuma angry, they would have to say or do something so utterly personal and hurtful to him. Much like what he guessed Wels did to earn nearly three punches to the face.

He crossed his arms. “What did you say to him, Ex?”

The demon noticed how much more nervous that only made the other. Before he could get an answer, Ex muttered something about his base and flew off into the sky. That only made Tango want to know more of what happened, but he kept himself on the ground. This wasn’t worth the loss of rockets to fuss over.

But something new burned in his stomach at the thought of Ex coming across Xisuma again. He shoved it down. He’d deal with that later. On his hip, his communicator buzzed.

<Docm77> Tango we have a problem

<Docm77> You need to come back here

<Xisuma> Is he hurting someone?

<Docm77> Switched again, just come back

Well that didn’t sound good, and Tango grimaced at the thought of going back in there, especially when Wels was practically ready to murder him at first chance. His communicator buzzed further from other curious Hermits. Some offering to assist in the situation, others merely wanting to know what was going on.

Unexpectedly, but probably no surprise to him, he froze. His feet suddenly felt glued to the ground. The demon tried lifting off but he fumbled for his rockets.

“Come on legs, not now-“ he made a step or two but his body was telling him to not go back. Do you want to die again, it emphasized. He breathed in, trying, and probably failing, at convincing himself that it wasn’t Wels. Wels didn’t have control over what he was doing.

Though those thoughts weren’t enough to pull his feet from the ground, the sight of his admin flying by quickly seemed to unstick them. Right, Xisuma was going to be there too. And Xisuma wouldn’t hesitate to attack the knight even if he didn’t have control over what he’d been doing. You hurt a Hermit, you suffer by the admin’s hand, he guessed.

Then, Tango was running. He didn’t know why his legs were suddenly so eager to run in there, but he wasn’t complaining. He needed to help his friends. But as he drew closer, pulling out his sword, he could hear curses and clanking metal. Thankfully, not armor. As he peered inside, Wels was hitting the door, the iron colliding with the bars at uneven hinges.

Right then, the knight stopped at the sight of Tango with a sickening grin.

“Awe, look at Tango the big red demon who’s gonna get his revenge,” Wels mocked. “What’re you gonna do, kill me?”

“If you get out, that’s definitely the plan,” he replied coldly, but there was no denying the uneasiness in his voice.

“Hm, I’ll let you kill me for that obsidian.” Wels sat back down on the table.

Bartering? Now? Tango shook his head. “What do you even need all of that obsidian for, anyways?”

Much to everyone’s surprise, Hels spoke up, though not lifting his head.

“You need a portal, don’t you.”

The other knight smirked. “Wow, he talks. But yes, I do.”

Hels only made a confused expression to top off everyone else’s. They all were curious as to what kind of portal he meant and how Hels even knew what the other knight what talking about without any other context clues. With a second of thought, Xisuma snapped his fingers and eyed Wels.

“That tree. The obsidian tree. But you need bedrock as well to reactivate it, though.” He thought again, wracking his brain for what’d happened the last time he went through it even after it was opened. “Though, that one just trapped me in a random game.”

Wels rolled his eyes, ignoring everyone’s much more confused stares at the admin. “Where you go depends on what the frame is made of. There’s a dimension that needs a new champion.” He looked towards Hels, who shot a glare right back at him. “After all, the last one was-“ He shook his head briefly with a grimace, shutting his eyes tightly. “The- the last one was-“

They eyed Wels curiously, still with their hands on the hilts of their swords just in case. What they hadn’t expected was fearful bright blue eyes to stare right back at them again. The knight clutched the table’s edge until his knuckles turned white and made a pained noise.

They all looked at each other, not hardly knowing what was going on. Hels seemed to be fine, but his expression told them that something was wrong. He looked more worried by the second, all of them assuming he was going through his own internal episode.

“I- I’m trying-“ Wels muttered. Slowly, his breathing became more erratic. He blinked and red eyes appeared again, his eyebrows furrowing in a concentrated anger. “Shut it.”

“Wels,” said Tango in disbelief. “Wels, it’s alright, you’re stronger than him!”

Beef himself was panicking, not wanting to see his friend like this. Without thinking, he was opening the iron door frantically. Still, he shut it behind himself. The thought was crossing everyone’s mind- why the hell was he doing that. But when he did, he approached the trembling knight carefully. Softly, he cupped Wels’s cheeks and lifted his head to make eye contact.

Very fearfully, might he add. He was still terrified.

“Wels, listen to me, you need to fight it, alright?”

Sadly, Wels nodded but groaned. “Ngh- Hurts-“ he whimpered through gritted teeth. Slowly, his irises gained an aqua hue, letting Beef know that he was really and truly trying not to succumb to it.

Inside his head, many different thoughts were running through it. He was trying to differentiate between what was him and what was him. With it, was a deep echoing voice bouncing around, saying he should give up. Give in to what he was supposed to be. Repeatedly, it jabbed at his skull, creating a splitting headache.

Tears unsurprisingly came to his eyes. He wanted to close them but Beef had other plans.

“No, no, I want you to keep your eyes open, I can help you,” he said, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. The others in the room cheered on the knigh. “Just keep them open, please,” he begged.

The voice was loud and nearly blocked out most of what the butcher said. Beef noticed how much the colors of his irises seemed to change. Blue, blue, a flash of red, and blue again. Yet, his own seemed to distract the knight into less shallow breaths. Wels stared into the pits of deep, midnight blue, making sure that those eyes were his goal. He wanted to keep seeing the butcher’s eyes. That’s how he knew how far he was from blocking out the various thoughts and echoes.

Hesitantly, the knight grabbed at Beef’s wrists tightly. Not hard enough to cause any harm to him, but enough to try to ground himself.

Claw at him. Kick. Bite. Hurt him, the voice said. Rip him to shreds. Briefly, his eyes lit up red again, for a concerningly longer period of time.

“No, no, no, Wels! Wels, fight it off! You’re a knight for crying out loud!”

You’re a knight of destruction. Bathe in the blood of your enemies. This is an enemy. Look at how he’s nearly closing his hands around your neck.

“I’m- hnn….Beef, it’s….so loud….” The voice kept ramming around in his skull. Red eyes. Very very worryingly red eyes hitting their brightest glow.

“Wels, no!”

“Fighting….Sorry….” Wels muttered, his tearful stare turning into a blank gaze, hands tightening around the butcher’s wrists. This time, enough to earn a pained sound from Beef.

Yes, Fight. Fight. FIGHT. THERE’S AN IRON DOOR BEHIND HIM.

Before Wels could even attempt to shove that last thought down, he blacked out. At least he thought. Everything was gone, except for various voices he knew belonged to his friends. It felt like only a second before scenery flickered around before him. Being in the cage, no longer on the table, various swords drawn and….an arrow of some kind in his side.

He stumbled forward, tripping on something in front of him, but catching himself on the door by his elbows. He ducked his head with heaving breaths. The world was all fuzzy around him, dark blotches in his vision forming. As he looked down, he saw a man on the floor slumped against the door, a noticeable vertical trail of red liquid oozing down the door following his head.

Who was that, he thought. No, no, Beef. That’s Beef.

The thought didn’t last long though as blood soaked into his shirt. Rather than blacking out from a lack of control, he found himself falling against Beef on the ground. Curses and encouragement to fight the voice rang out around the room but he simply just let his eyes close.

You’re pathetic.

#my fic #to hell and back #long post #welsknight #helsknight #evil xisuma #xisuma #docm77 #vintagebeef #helsknight x evil xisuma #hels x ex

[silverypurple-rosedlions]

Entry #357 - Him

Wen Junhui's Entry

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

"Should we post this?..."

"Jun wanted this posted for his sake, no matter what... It's the least we can do for him,"

"Well, it was scheduled for today, and Jun stated he wanted it to be so... Alright. Have it posted."

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

I don't know why I'm writing this... Perhaps for closure on my mind? Most likely. But, perhaps, it's also to record thoughts and feelings that I might forget sometimes, needing a reminder later on. But, today was the day I received a gift. A proper goodbye, and a story that brought me to tears and to dream of things I'm not sure I'll ever get to have with him. But, it's nice to see that it could have been an option one day. To move in together, loving and cherishing each other... But, I guess I can only dream of it now since I'm not sure he'll come back. Or, if any of them will come back.

But, it happened when I was with Minghao and Jeonghan hyung. We were eating and talking together, just like usually. Minghao and I were talking in Chinese, while Jeonghan just smiled, now and then checking his phone to check on the members. Then, Jeonghan hyung looked at me with wide eyes, but then he smiled so bright at me. It astonished Minghao and I, both of us wanting to know what it was. Then he said: "Jun should have the benefit of seeing his gift someone has sent him,"

Of course, I smiled and laughed, wondering who would send me a gift. At first, I thought it was a specific, sweet and kind-hearted empress we had came close with, who checked in us whenever she could. Or maybe it was the kind and gentle koala, Felix, wanting to ensure I was fine. But when Jeonghan hyung handed me his phone and I saw what it was, and especially who it came from, I gave him back the phone, covered my hand over my mouth, then removed it, saying, "Are you playing a prank on me? Tell me right now." And, of course, Jeonghan hyung chuckled and shook his head, confirming that it was real. No hallucinations, none of the boys wouldn't dare to do a thing to me, and that it was from them despite him not reading it. So, I read it. And I read his last message to me.

You wouldn't believe the amount of tears I cried. Even thinking back has me shakily writing and crying. But it doesn't hurt like it used to. Not like when I used to cry every night, wondering what to do, how he was, and questioning countless things that made me so scared to get up. But after receiving it, being able to get his last message to me and receive the closure I desperately needed, I can finally accept it. I can accept that it wasn't me who drove him away, or, whatever bizzare thoughts had been created in this corrupted brain of mine.

However, it makes me reminisce about what we did together and what we had said. I remember, a memory that's becoming slightly foggy, when him and the boys came to assist us when the system had been breached. I remember how he came with everyone to help us, getting us all back together despite the gruesome fight that followed. But I remember how he soothed me, talking softly with him when my episode had occurred. I remember him hugging me, comforting me, and us laughing despite the situation when I had came up with the idea of us being awkwardly weird buddies. And after that, I wondered about him: What was he like? What was his story? His dreams? His likings and dislikes? What did he see in me? . . . What was that tight feeling in my chest whenever I thought about him?

Then, the more we talked, him and I, the tight pressure in my chest grew, but it wasn't unbearable. It wasn't uncomfortable. Almost, pleasant? My heart would race, and my cheeks would hurt because I would smile so much when he was around. But, I slowly tried to withdrawal back when he had grown attraction for someone else. I remember that. I was scared, and I didn't understand why it made me sad when I saw his post. The boys didn't notice me, and I don't blame them because I played it off and wished the best for him. I encouraged him, trying to cheer him up. Even though I didn't understand my own feelings, I knew that was in some sort of pain. But, I hoped, despite that pain, that his feelings would be reciprocated. But, in the end, later, I found out that he no longer had those feelings, and both were just friends.

But after that, I didn't look at him the same way. And, perhaps I never did after the incident at the base. However, I understood that I favored him from the others. Not like a mother who favored one child over the other, but, someone who adored him more, but still cared for the others equally. I recall the time I came into Jeonghan and Joshua hyungs' room, almost having a break down because I didn't understand. But, they comforted me and talked with me for hours until they made it clear: I liked Jeon Wonwoo. But I could never tell him that. Not that I didn't want to, but I wanted to get to know him more than I already did. Then, the rebrand happened. He was still the same person we knew, but, there was more to him now, and I didn't want to make things complicated because he had Hanahaki... A ghastly disease I've heard one too many times.

So, I waited for an opportunity when it was right and he had the time he needed, but, I couldn't. I remember how I'd sit there, staring at nothing as I questioned everything: Would he be okay to love a person who was psychotic, a mafia member whose killed dozens? Would he be frightened by me when my episodes started? What if I hurt him by accident? What if I was too late? He barely comes out, so maybe he doesn't or never will see me the same way as I do. And, most importantly, can I even provide him everything he'll ever need and want? Especially love? Will I be enough for him? I was slowly shattering myself with doubt, even when the others found out and encouraged me, but reminded me of other possibilities. And then I thought maybe I shouldn't try because her find someone better than me. Someone pure and healthy, both physically and mentally, sweet and kind. Someone who could offer more. Someone who wasn't me...

Then the entire thing happened. We talked about my crush situation, and I was running around screaming my head off as the boys came after me. But all I wanted to do was just fall somewhere when running, and just lay there, wondering what in the world I was doing. What was he thinking when he found out?... I remember that look on his face when they exposed me, just stern, looking at me and wanting to know who it was. I wasn't entirely sure why he'd suddenly drop his previous attitude. But, now and even after it, I knew why. But what followed afterward had terrified me. I wasn't told about it until I saw the post, but Wonwoo was having it. Hanahaki. And when I saw that it was black cosmos, I was stunned. I didn't know that much about Hanahaki, so, at first, I nearly started to despise the flowers because it was the very flower blossoming inside him. But I still wished him the best, and then... It happened. He confessed, catching me off guard. I remember bawling, the boys comforting me as I responded and told him I felt the same. And at that moment, I had never been more happier in my life when it was me he liked.

After that, we went on a date that was memorable, and I hope to never forget, not even a single detail of it. We had gone out to eat together, and it was the first time he saw my state. I was twitching, and because I was nervous, it increased it, making it hard for me to even eat and I nearly felt embarrassed, wondering if I was making it uncomfortable for him. Yet, he reassured me and helped me. Not once was he bothered by it. He was okay, and I was glad he was. It made me overjoyed that he was okay with me. From there, it was absolutely amazing for me. We went together, stole a cart and raced off to the playground nearby. And there, that became one of my favorite spots although it makes me anxious whenever I'm near a place that's meant for children, being that I'm not trusted to be around kids. But that day was not only labeled the greatest day of my life, and my first date, but also the day I had my first kiss with someone I loved above all things.

And it was the same day he gave me the moon bracelet, something I haven't taken off for ages since I got it... A beautiful white bracelet with a beautiful white stone, while he was the other, a beautiful dark blue that's nearly black. It's something I've treasured ever since, and something I will never lose despite me being clumsy time from time.

It's things like this that I look back towards, and sometimes, I wonder if I could have done more for him and me. But, I'm happy. I'm happy we at least got these opportunities with each other, and cherished each other for so long and even after he's left with the boys. Even though it hurt so much, so very much when he left without a word, I understood. It had to be done for their sake, especially their Admin, but I wish I could've done more. But, I can finally let it calm the storm inside me. I don't know if there will be a day he may return, but I do hope there is even though he told me not to hope too much. But if he ever does come back, all of them, I will never let go, and I promise that I'll do more, continuing my promise to love and cherish him forever. And even if he doesn't come back, I know he loves me dearly, as much as I love him. And that's enough for me. He's enough for me.

- Wen Junhui

💕// @ghoulxbaekhyun (Seok's love) @seventeen-chatbot Wonwoo (Jun's love)

Closest friends// @empress-jiaqi @kpop-shelter @yourlocal-babybear @yourlocal-babybear2 @julia-oc @shinhaneul-oc

💎// @singledad-coups @minghaostitch @decade-wonwoo @god-vernon @xdevilmingyuxx @princexjunhui @leejihoon-cb @van-gogh-minghao @/seventeen-chatbot

🥀// @aikihades @sophie-svt-13 @waitingwhispers60 @yangomangos @m00n-nim96 @moonlit-jaemin @time-for-confession @xash-axx @vampiremomo @mafia-chaeyoung @split-jiu @artsydahyun @princess-yeji @werewolf-sehun @incubuswooyoung @twiceland-saga @amazingspiderhan @mafia-choa @la-soleilmafia-cb @mafia-arin @floristluda @werebaek [DM for +/-]

#insane!jun #jun's entry #him #insane!minghao #insane!mingyu #insane!wonwoo

[gevejsbvdj]

Fine. Pt 1

Okay. I did NOT want to do this. I don’t want it to look like I’m trying to start something. When I made the announcement post, I thought that would be it. But a lot of you got really angry and reeeeally bitter about it, suspiciously enough. I am actually hoping that after I post this, I get an explanation and an apology. I tried to explain to these people time and time again about how I was hurt by this situation but they refused to listen. So here I am, spelling it the fuck out. Also, this account is dead anyways and i am so tired of keeping this to myself. I can’t do it anymore. 

That’s enough preamble for now, I’ll make more notes at the end. Let’s get onto the “situation” that was the final straw for me and inspired my complete leave. 

For comprehension purposes, this took place in the Crackerbox Palace discord server. 

For a warning, I’m pretty theatrical when stressed. If I joke here I’m sorry. I’m going to hold back on the humor. 

CW: mentions of sexual abuse, pedophilia, racism, and seizures. You have been warned.

It sounds disgustingly simple, but when I joke about this (to myself, because it’s better than crying about it), I say that me having a seizure was the cause of this all. It isn’t really, but- let me explain. 

I was alone, and I was chatting with the people in the server when suddenly- I just felt fucking weird. Initially, I was like “oh what the hell” until I realized that the weird sensation was actually familiar. It’s what people who have seizures call an “aura” or a “ting”, and it’s a numbing, buzzing sensation that’s kind of like an alarm bell that lets your body know what’s about to go down. And I have a habit (you can decide whether it’s good or bad) where I feel like I have to tell anyone around me that I’m going to have a seizure as SOON as I recognize the aura. Well like I said, I was alone. There was no one physically around me that I could tell, but I already had the chat open, fingers on my keyboard, I typed: I think I’m gonna have a seizure. Something like that. And I did. Don’t worry, I’m fine now. The older I get, the less extreme my seizures are for the most part. I got a splitting headache for the next two days, but we’re getting it checked out! This is only context for what happened next. 

After that happened I eventually came to and as soon as my senses were recollected and my memory came back, I felt so embarrassed that I told my friends who I thought were super cool that I had a SEIZURE. But I noticed that Ley and Emma (in their genuine concern) were discussing seizures and how dangerous they could be, and was wondering if I was okay. I was honestly so relieved they weren’t laughing or anything like that. Vulture then responded saying “hey can you censor the word seizure, it’s a trigger.”, and so Ley and Emma did so. I was confused by this because I thought Vulture was saying it’s MY (me, a person who has them regularly) trigger, or that they were saying it was a trigger in general? I soon found out that it was a term on our “blacklist”, which makes sense.

So In our server, we had a channel (the prior mentioned blacklist channel) where people can suggest words and phrases to avoid. Phrases/topics that make you very uncomfortable, triggering, etc. Someone suggested that the name “Zack” be blacklisted because it’s the name of someone that manipulated them. And no, not Zach like me Zach, but Z-A-C-K, you know? Anyways, sometimes the sheltered southerner in me jumps out, and someone asking for that name to be blacklisted rocked my world! Even more so that the admins I worked with were willing to blacklist it. I thought, wait all this time I could have asked you all to blacklist a NAME that upsets me? I didn’t know I could do that. Never have I ever been in an environment where something like a name could be avoided to ensure my comfort. While THAT was what I was thinking, when I went to type it in the chat, it did not come off that way to vulture. Here’s what I said:

Vulture took what I said wrong, which is totally fair. Words fail me as they do everyone else, and looking back, I could have done better in explaining what I felt. I’m not blaming them for the misunderstanding, and I'm not even blaming me that much. It happens, man. But what got to me, was them accusing me of belittling or more so INVALIDATING the trigger. Me, someone actually has seizures, invalidating someone being triggered by them. Okay. Here was my response:

My response was unnecessarily snarky and I am still sorry for that. I thought I got better at thinking before speaking but it’s evident that it’s still something I need to work on. However, like I said I’ve never been one to accept it when someone’s trying to have an attitude with me. And no I’ll be the first to say that Vulture wasn’t explicitly rude to me, but I was gobsmacked that someone was trying to tell me how traumatic seizures are and accused me of invalidating them after I just said that I have them frequently. And that even after I explained what I meant, I was still met with an accusing response. Can you imagine if I went up to a homeless man and said “you have no right to invalidate my trauma with homelessness. I read matchbox girl.” Like okay? Also, yes that mod chat had a history with taking everything I said as aggressive or belligerent, hence my telling them to stop that. I was always met with a dismissive and antagonistic response. Remember that. I will get back to that. 

Because of Vulture’s immature response, I removed them as chat admin. Do I regret it? Halfway, yes. I should have pulled them to the side and spoke with them about what they did. But looking back on that, after seeing the things they’ve posted today? It’s probably for the best that they weren’t a part of the admin team. 

Andy (also known as shadowylemon here) and Cody are partners who also helped me run the server. They were admins,obviously. Andy asked me why I removed Vulture as Admin. I explained to him why, very civilly with the help of one of my friends because my response almost WASN'T. And to be frank, I ignored most of what he said because again I was being made to be the evil villain and I wasn’t being heard. So I ignored him. Also I was on a call so I wasn’t going to break my brain listening to ten people at once. I was so tired, my seizure happened like only a couple days prior and my head was still affected. 

I mulled over that whole ordeal for a bit until me and my friend (the same friend I mentioned earlier, who helped me with my response to Andy. Lenny. He also helped me mod there and was the original co-founder of the server) came to the conclusion that the mods were too young. We need an age limit. So I told them, like “hey you guys are fine for now but I think that in the future, we should start having the mods be older”.

 At this point I’m super careful with the way I word things. I’m always like that to be honest, as a black (visual-wise, a female) female you learn real quick that you’re the angry one in every situation unless you learn to talk super duper civil. But I didnt think I had to be that way in THAT server, you know? I thought I was safe there. Apparently not. Anyway-

I was met with, again, an aggravated “how dare you” type response from Cody. Which was okay with me, still is. When you work with someone in a group, you’re not going to agree with them all the time. So we were having a pretty civil, short lived back and forth until I mentioned that we tone it down on blacklisting every word. I suggested earlier to blacklist the word “blue” to see how far they would take it and they literally blacklisted it. I didn’t get to say this then, but I’m actually against over censoring, even if it’s supposedly for someone’s mental health. I have ADHD, RSD, on the damn spectrum, all that good stuff, so don’t come for me. But if you’re wanting to avoid words like blue, or a very common name, that is not my responsibility. That is your therapist. The server had people in there who- well English wasn’t their first language, and adding more barriers to their language is, I feel, very inconsiderate.

 Cody started to threaten to delete the blacklisting channel all together and was acting really panicky. AGAIN (if I can find the screenshots, I will share) I was met with a very victimizing, whiny response. Like come on now. I told them to please do not make me the aggressor or I will leave.

No response. 

So the rest of us were just getting ready to start a call and play some games until we noticed something. 

Channels, titles and colors, and nearly everything was being deleted. 

By who? Andy and Cody. This is just one screenshot. I wouldn’t include what’s over ten i have saved on my phone.

I was afraid that they got hacked and was being made to delete them. Until I thought “wait...it’s funny how they’re the only mods that are being ‘hacked’ while the rest of us were left alone. RIGHT after I just had a disagreement with them. Oh my god is this a tantrum.” The server then echoed my concerns. Please don’t be a tantrum. We noticed they left and so I dmed Andy. I said “Why” and he blocked me. That confirmed that it was indeed a tantrum. A tantrum because I IMPLIED that they were being micro aggressive towards me. Alright. 

Me and the server joined a sort of conference call where we discussed what happened and they asked me questions as well as talked about what our next move was. At the time, I thought I was being dramatic because my breathing was super labored, and my face was super hot, and my heart was pounding. I was furious. There was a tiny voice telling me that ‘hey, you’re mad because after you told them that you were uncomfortable and upset with them treating you like an unhinged angry person, they did all this shit’ but I ignored it. 

That is a common theme with me. I know a lot of you think I’m using my race as a weapon and that I call everything racist, but I HATE calling things racial discrimination for that exact reason. I don’t wanna look sensitive, or get called a snowflake. I honestly used to be a self-loathing black person, and you could hurl slurs at my face and I’ll excuse it. My friend group in the 9th grade was mainly racist white people. I’m so glad I grew out of that nonsense but damn some of that toxic mentality stuck with me to the point I never wanted to acknowledge when someone was biased against me. 

I mean, how could it be any more clear? Do I think that Andy and Cody are racist? Of. Course. Not. I think that’s why a lot of you got so mad at me when you realized that what you did was microaggressions rooted in racial bias. Because you thought I was calling you a RACIST.  I’ve had white people who will march with me during protests say and some really off-putting shit the next day. You can be an ally and make mistakes. You’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. None of us is. You have to allow yourself to make errors, and be confronted. Running away cursing and kicking rocks just tells me that you don’t want to listen to black people. 

But anyway, we attempted to move on from the childish ordeal and I enlisted the help of new people to help me mod since we were short two, and could have used the help anyway. 

We were doing alright, really. One day, though, Joane messaged me saying that Vulture wanted to apologize and wanted to talk. And I was like great now's the perfect time to talk to them like I should have the first time, but wrongly didn’t. So I told Joane to dm me. 

Well, Joane sent me a screenshot of some of hers and Vultures conversation.

As you can see I initially did feel willing to apologize and speak to vulture. Because like I said earlier, my snarky response was UNNECESSARY. However, Joane joining in the discussion with her “I can’t understand him which frustrates me lmao” peeved me. As did Vulture acting like I’m unhinged. While I didn’t need to make the “imma blacklist lmao and lol since it bothers you so much” comment at ALL, it wasn’t that deep….at all. Vulture has a habit of virtue signalling too. Their comment “I’m patient and forgiving” is an example. 

While I was annoyed initially, I soon felt pretty hurt that Joane would say that about me behind my back? It made me wonder if there was more she didn’t show me. Joane was a really good friend and I loved her a lot so I was extra sensitive about it. I’ve never spoken ill about her behind her back. 

Now, this is a recurring theme in this post but let me say now: I am aware that no one is OBLIGATED to treat me a certain way because I was nice to them. Of course not. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt? Talking negatively about someone isn’t a problem, but having them think you’re their friend while doing so is. You know? It’s very deceiving, but in Joane’s case, only slightly deceiving. 

So I just didn’t speak to her for a bit. I was already annoyed at having to re-build my server because of a couple of teenagers having a tantrum, as well as things that were happening in my personal life. Also, the news was no damn help at all, you all know. But I didn’t speak to her for the rest of the day and I...I hated it haha. I don’t like avoiding people when I’m frustrated, and after I saw what happened with Vulture when I did the same thing, I should know better. Plus I felt bad. Joane was still a friend, and I wanted to get to the bottom of things. 

I’m not going to include every little screenshot and whatnot, but I messaged her like hey what’s up let’s finish our discussion. Because I thought that at that point, I had my head screwed on a bit better. 

During our discussion, I eventually showed Joane me and vultures conversation, and she acted astonished that Vulture didn’t show her all the context, and even said that they were being irrational. This was after I told her that after everything Andy and Cody did, they made a server with Vulture to which she informed me that she was aware, and she was invited. Honestly, at the time I didn’t think vulture was being irrational. While I said it’s no excuse, PTSD can make us say and do pretty wild things, and calling someone like that irrational feel like ableist language. 

So me and Joane had a little moment. I apologized to her, and she apologized to me.

I was sure that after we both had our respective breaks, that we would be good to continue our friendship like normal. Just a bump in the road. It happens

That was until I got a certain anon from Vulture. 

She asked me why we were done, but when I went to ask her “what in the world did you say to them” she blocked me.

Sorry I keep showing me messaging them, I just don’t wanna get lied to or something again. 

I was really sad about that. I went to bed, and when I woke up, I was still sad. Joane was telling me one thing, and Vulture another thing. She was changing her opinion on a person depending on who she was talking to. It was dizzying and disingenuous and I didn’t even get to talk it out with her because she blocked me. Which was really suspicious. She told me that she would be taking a break from the server and that she still respected me as a friend, but went to vulture and told them that I treated her like SHIT, or at least acted enough like a victim to make them accuse me of that. I’m sorry, but where in the world did I do that? If me confessing to someone that they hurt me is the same thing as treating them like shit, then fuck man a lot of us are assholes. 

Wow, look at me treat her like shit. Absolute garbage right?

I wasn’t even being completely honest to Joane about my feelings for that reason. Because of accusations like this. Another instance of someone taking literally me being normal and civil as being AGGRESSIVE. Vulture, I’m sorry for accusing you of utilizing white girl tears. I accused the wrong person. But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. 

I went to our #vent channel on the server and told whoever was online and whoever was listening about the whole ordeal, and how HURT I felt because I was literally played by this girl. And I was accused of basically being abusive. Treated her like shit? Cmon man…

But another user in the server, as it turns out, had a similar experience with Joane, and provide in-depth screenshots. Which made me even madder, so we kept venting about the situation. 

Also, because of a couple of dms, and because the more I ranted, the more pained I got, I felt compelled to say the following, NOW LISTEN CLOSELY:

I first prefaced my concerns by saying “I AM BY NO MEANS CALLING JOANE A GROOMER”. That was fucking useless of me to say because- okay I’m getting ahead of myself. 

So I was saying (and in hindsight, I shouldn’t have. I know. But like I said, it was in the heat of the moment and I got a dm that made me feel bad) that it was strange how as soon as someone young and innocent was present, Joane would cling to them in an obsessive way. I’m not the only one who noticed that, and even one of the younger users in question agreed to my statement. 

Listen fucking closely. I don’t think Joane is a sexual predator at ALL. That’s why I had that warning before I said anything in the chat. I do, though, think that if you’re a grown adult and you’re obsessed with being friends with people who are as young as 14, that it’s concerning, not in a sexual way, but in a power dynamic way. I’m only 19 and I honestly don’t get older people who become besties with much younger people. I was “friends” with the users as well, but I was a mentor/brother/dad more than anything. Do you understand? When I was 15, I’ve had people who were 20 and older become my friend and dump their adult problems onto me, as well as expect adult reactions and responses out of me. It was stressful and damaging and I did not want that happening to anyone else, especially the younger people in the chat. Okay? Okay. 

That being said, my protectiveness is a major flaw of mine. Oh my god, do I take it too far sometimes, man. I didn’t want really young teenagers (13-16) to have a serious relationship with an adult because of what happened to me, and I didn’t want Joane to play and hurt anyone else the way she did me and my other friend. So I went into the announcements channel and told the users to read what we’ve been saying in regard to Joane and come up with your own decision. I did not have to do that, I can sit here and say that the things that transpired the past few days really took a toll on me whatever blah blah blah. But I could have kept it in vent, really. And the dumb thing is, that before I sent that message in announcements, I was literally telling myself that THIS is a bad idea. GOD, Zach. But I was at work, it was the last day before holidays started, and I was feeling super protective and I wasn’t thinking and- well yeah. 

During all of this, I was having a conversation with vulture in Tumblr dms. I gathered the courage to finally dm them after receiving the anon. That conversation was on my old Tumblr, so I don’t have a screenshot of the key points, but I typed my starting message in notes, and this is what I said:

“Hi vulture. I don’t want to be here for long but I just wanna ask: why? You accused me of invalidating a trigger and even after I told you that’s not what I meant you still went off on me? You’re mad at me about an inaccurate perception and it really upset me. I’ve been terrified of talking to you specifically because I’ve been dealing with micro aggressions from you, Andy, and Cody and it’s really been wearing me down. And when I told Andy and Cody about their treatment of me, they deleted shit from my server and leave? How do you think that makes me feel as a black person? Makes me never want to talk about my feelings ever again out of the fear of being antagonized. I’m sorry I was snarky towards you, if you didn’t like my remark about “lmao” and “lol”. I agree it was immature. But don’t forget you came at me first. If you’re willing to further discuss this with me then great, which I am sure you are seeing that you asked me to on anon. I finally gathered the courage to contact you so let’s do this.”

We had a brief conversation. Vulture dismissing my microaggressions concerns but really- it happens so much that at that point I was so numb to it. Also a little bit “it’s not about your race. Remember when I…” more virtue signalling. Bleh. But after all, I did thank them for actually wanting to talk to me. Andy didn’t wanna do it. Cody didn’t wanna do it. Joane didn’t want to. Vulture did. And I appreciate that to this day, after everything. I can always admire that about someone. 

It ended prematurely because of me. I was at work and got distracted by that as well as by what happened in the server next. 

Emma sent a pretty long message basically calling all of us out for “bullying Joane” and talking ill of her behind her back, as well as announcing that she would be leaving the server and that we should all be ashamed of ourselves. This was right after someone confessed that Joane made him feel uncomfortable with constant flirting. I admitted that I should not have put the message In announcements, but guys.

I went off. I couldn’t hold back anymore. I was sick of trying to be docile and sweet. I didn’t care if I would be portrayed as the angry black again I DID NOT CARE. Bullying Joane? Me talking about how she hurt me is bullying? Let’s look up what that means. 

Yeah okay. That’s incorrect usage, right? I didn’t even call Joane names. I didn’t persistently harass her. I spoke about what she did to me in distaste, but I was done with her as a friend at that point, and she knew that, so was not going behind her back. I wasn’t being predatory towards her. And I definitely wasn’t being AGGRESSIVE or BLUSTERING. Emma was using broad pronouns and terms (you guys, you all, etc) but I knew she was talking about me, as I was the most prominent in my venting about Joane due to my situation with her happening just yesterday. I sent the most messages, I- while wrong in doing so- posted the announcements. That message primarily was directed towards me. When I say that microaggressions tear you down, it tears you THE FUCK down. 

That being said, I did cuss Emma out (she wasn’t present when I went off, but still) and cussed out everyone who agreed with her. I was so blinded by rage and hurt I don’t even remember at all what I said. One line that sticks out to me though is “y’all saw a white girl crying and thought oh man we can’t have that” and that’s a mantra I’ve repeated a couple of times when I find myself in scenarios such as this one. 

But- I do regret going off like that. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t justified slightly, though. I don’t expect any of you to understand completely what I went through, but please try. I regret going off like that, though. And I’m sorry. 

I guess I was also upset because I was JUST in a good mood? I was literally singing to myself all happy and shit, but Emma’s inconsiderate message threw me off. It’s making me even more upset now that I know why she said that. She wasn’t the only person to tell me I should be ashamed of myself for manipulating (yes, MANIPULATING) Joane. 

I dmed Emma in an attempt to fix things, but i gave up quickly. I was too raw with emotions anyways. So I mournfully told her that we probably should’t be friends anymore, to which she responded

Carelessly?...ouch.

From the moment Joane dmed me about Vulture, and the moment Emma sent that message, all of that transpired within three days. Three fucking days and THAT much happened. It was taking a toll on me, that’s not even counting Andy and Cody’s tantrum. 

I was in a dark place, still am. I made a post saying that I was going to take a break from Tumblr and then made one saying that I was going to kill myself in the tags. Not exclusively because of all this, of course. So. Much. Bullshit. Happens to me on a daily basis. Abusive parents. Sexual assault. Racism that’s actually violent. Dying relatives. So much. I’m crying as I type this it’s just so much. In real life, I have no friends. Not even fake acquaintances. Yes, I cut off all those people because they were extremely toxic, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have literally no one. That server was my escape. Parents fighting? Open discord. Mental spiral? Discord is there. Just had a seizure? Don’t worry, you have friends. And now I don’t. And all because of some dumb shit that wouldn’t probably have happened if two kids didn’t get mad at ME because THEY were ignorant. I know it’s not good to rely on a server to improve your mental health, but I couldn’t help it. I was desperate. And I really did think so highly of everyone in that chat. I loved them.

I received a couple asks that night saying that I don’t have to hurt myself, I’m loved, all that. Very kind messages. And right when I was going to delete the post (I was so embarrassed for posting it), I got a message from ley that read something like “I don’t agree with what you said at ALL but that doesn’t mean I want you to kill yourself or leave” something along those lines. I thought, really? You couldn’t just say you didn’t want me to leave and have it at that? 

I really don’t want to make it seem like I posted something so graphic for attention, man. I can’t stand that manipulation tactic and I don’t want that harmful stigma about suicidal people to be encouraged. 

But Ley’s message threw me off. Agree with what I...huh? Then it pissed me off

So I deleted my account. And fell off the face of the earth for 15 days. 

[peqachy]

Among Us Writing Anyone??

It’s been three days since we left MIRA HQ, each of the crew doing their part to repair any damages to the ship, or, as it’s officially called by White, The SKLED. To be frank, the ship is rather small, mainly consisting of eight different areas that anyone can travel through with ease, the maximum time it takes to get from navigation to reactor is about three minutes when walking and the tasks on the ship are mostly basic material that I was already briefed on by Cyan (otherwise known as Mother). Which leaves one question stirring in my head, How do I medbay scan again? Peering around in a lost manner, I try to spot my partner Black (otherwise know as X). Why is it that he always disappears when I need him mo-oh! Out of the corner of my eye, I briefly catch the sight of the security camera’s light flashing red. He must be in security! Trotting down the hall towards upper engine, I spot Blue walking around by himself. Wasn’t he with Mother earlier? I thought with confusion, but quickly brush it off. She must have left to do a task. I conclude as I continue to trot towards security.

“Ah, Red, where are you going?” Blue asks suddenly, catching me by my elbow as I walk past him.

“I’m on my way to security to ask Black how to do the medbay scan!” I chirp back in response, noticing how he bites his nude-pink lower lip, “Is something wrong Blue?”

He blinks at my question, “Ah, no, everything is fine! How about I help you with medbay instead since I’m heading there myself.”

“Oh, you are? That sounds great, thank you for helping me Blue!” I cheer, following him like a lost puppy.

“My name is Ein, in case you were wondering,” he says shyly, a light shade of red dusting his redwood colored cheeks.

“Pleasure to meet you Ein, I’m Luca,” I reply happily, observing how his pale olive green eyes dart from my gaze to the floor.

“The pleasure is all mine...” he mumbles quietly, only loud enough for me to hear.

As we enter medbay, we run into Pink and Orange (they’re the resident couple on the ship), “Ah, Pink, Orange, you’re just in time. Red here needs help with her med scan!”

“She does? Alrighty! Come with me dear and I’ll show you the ropes!” Pink says, clapping her hands together in a friendly manner, “Lucky for you, I was just about to do a med scan myself!”

Following Pink into medbay, I glance over my shoulder at Orange and Blue. They seemed to be caught up in a conversation, standing off to the right of the doorway. Odd, doesn’t Blue have a medbay task as well? My brows furrow in confusion, once again feeling perplexed with Blue’s strange behavior as a chill runs up my spine. No, you’re imagining things Luca, he isn’t suspicious. 

Oh, right, probably forgot to mention this huh? As of yesterday, at 11:00 pm, all of the crew was notified of two impostors hiding aboard The SKLED in plain sight. Since then, everyone has been staying in pairs to avoid being alone. Although, in my opinion, it’s a pretty dumb idea seeing as the impostors can easily kill their partner and then come up with an excuse as to why they weren’t with them.

“You’re new to the MIRA ship crew aren’t you, Red?” Pink asks after some shuffling, bringing my attention from the doorway to her.

Instantly, my pale olive cheeks are lit a flame by the sight of her half-naked form, “W---wh--what are you doing?!”

My screech of distress causes her to laugh, a smile causing her dark chocolate colored cheeks to tighten, “Calm down, love, this is mandatory if you want to get an accurate reading on the med scan.”

“It is?”

“Yep! Dressing down to the bare minimum helps the machine get a better scan, which means approval from Home.”  she replies to my question expertly, pointing to a little green button next to a lighter green screen, “This button starts up the scanner. For right now, you and I can press the button for each other, but you won’t always have a partner who can help you with this. Luckily, there is a ten second timer on the scanner that allows you to get on it before it begins to scan, but that may take a few attempts before you get the hang of it.”

“Wow, that’s such a helpful tip Pink!” I chirp with a grin, pressing the button for her as she stands tall on the scanner.

After Pink’s scan, something terrifying happens. At first, I thought it was just a message from X, wondering where we should regroup, but when I looked at my tablet my blood ran cold. A---a body has been reported?! Horror fixes itself on both our faces, Pink’s milky sky blue eyes stare into mine with shock before she hurriedly puts her uniform back on.

“Pink...” my voice cracks with fear, my body trembling as my stomach sinks.

“I know, I know, com’ on, we’ve got a meeting to attend,” she speaks with hooded eyes, her jaw tense as she fixes her clothes.

From the look in her eyes I can tell something is up, but I am too afraid to speak up about it. Just keep to yourself for right now...there’s no reason to be hasty. I think as I quietly follow Pink to the cafeteria, my eyes scanning the brightly lit hallway for anything of suspicion. To my relief, there’s nothing suspicious to speak of. I hope X is okay... I thought, my hands feeling clammy and my face being drained of all it’s color. Oh god, please don’t let him be dead! Looking at the table, I notice Pink and I are the last ones to arrive at the table for discussion. Spotting X on the other side of the discussion table I wave goodbye to Pink before trotting over to my partner, the two of us sharing a hug of relief seeing as we’re both still alive.

“Alright, seeing as we are all present, Black, tell us what you found,” White says coolly, remaining calm in a terrifying situation.

“First, I would like to know where everyone was before I say where the body was found, “ X responds, just as calmly as White.

How are they so calm? It’s almost unnerving. Swallowing thickly, I decide to speak up at least once, “Blue, Orange, Pink, and I were at med bay, Pink was helping me figure out the scanner...”

“Blue, Orange, Pink, can you confirm this information?” Yellow asks, most likely trying to see if my alibi is accurate.

“Yes, this is true, although I’m not sure why Red and Blue were together in the first place. You did split us up into specific pairs for easier management remember?” Orange speaks with narrowed brown eyes towards Ein, obviously suspicious of him.

“I was on my way to find Black in security when I bumped into Blue walking up from reactor. He asked where I was going, so I told him and then he offered to help me,” I answer simply, feeling a need to defend myself even though I wasn’t accused.

“Alright, Red is cleared. Blue, what’s your story?” White nods approvingly, the sigh of relief X lets out not going unnoticed by the rest of us.

As Ein explains himself, I glance at X from the corner of my eye. Stress is apparent on his features, beads of sweat rolling down his pale skin like a spray of bullets. Slipping my hand to the side to have it rest on his, I give it a gentle squeeze of assurance. His partner was just semi-accused, makes sense for him to be nervous now. I thought, my expression contorting into a look of pity. He looks back at me, a small nervous smile on his lips as his hand turns over to squeeze mine back.

“....and that’s how I met up with Red.” Ein finishes, still looking cool and collected whilst explaining himself.

I can’t tell if he’s lying or not. I think nervously, his alibi sounding solid from what I paid attention to. But there has to be pieces that don’t fit together!

“That’s a good alibi, Blue, or at least it would be if I couldn’t prove your story wrong,” Lime says sternly, pointing to Ein with an accusing finger, “While Cyan did have trouble with her card, you stood there and waited for her! After that, Cyan said her last task was aliening the engines while you said your last task was inspecting a sample in med bay! If you’re a true crew-mate, why would you lie about where you were before Cyan was murdered!?” 

“How do you know we left together? You weren’t in admin with us, “ the retort was swift and sharp, a glare fixed on Ein’s face as he defends himself sharply.

“You’re right, when you two left together, I wasn’t in side of admin, but I was emptying the trash shoot whenever I heard Cyan cry out in frustration about the card reader! Not only that, but when I was fixing wires in storage, I heard Cyan say she needed to swing by the engines to realign them! You have no excuse for not being by her side when you bumped into Red!” Lime nearly shouts, appalled by Ein’s assumption.

“Lime calm yourself, Cyan’s murderer will be brought to justice, “ Brown jumps in, quick to defuse the rage in Lime’s hazel eyes before he can get out of hand.

“Right, sorry, guess I got too worked up,” Lime apologizes with a weary glance over in Ein’s direction, a nasty glare replacing it when he spots Ein’s smirking lips.

“Blue, “ White speaks up over the growing tension, earning everyone’s attentions just as easily as a captain would, “ The evidence we’ve been given is strongly against you, if you cannot get a solid, trust worthy alibi in the next three minutes then we’ll have no choice but to eject you.”

“But Black hasn’t even said where the body was! How are you certain it was me?!” Ein roars back with defiance, a scowl directed towards the silver haired male whom has lead us all up to this point with narrowed blue-green eyes as rugged as raw jasper, “Fine, you want the truth? I’ll tell you the truth! I left Cyan to start up the reactor! The last time I saw Cyan alive and well was when she was talking to Black!”

“Don’t try and blame your murder on me Blue. You’re the last person I saw with her while I was on cameras. Shortly after I saw you two together, Cyan turned up dead in the lower engine room! That’s not just a coincidence! You killed your partner in cold blood and tried to cover your absence by pairing up with someone who was partner-less at the time!” X’s argument was too valid to be over looked, and oddly specific too.

“You’re lying! You’re the one who killed her!!” Ein’s retort is desperate, realization setting in whenever our tablets begin to ding for a vote.

“I could be, “ X pauses to cast his vote against Ein, “But you could be lying too. This situation is more of who do I trust more right now, Blue or Black.”

If X is telling the truth, and Ein truly is the impostor then... Timidly I press the icon for Ein, hitting the green check mark that appears to cast my vote. In a flash the votes are tallied, majority voting for Ein while the rest, such as Pink and Green who vote for X. After the vote were tallied, White and Orange grab a hold of Ein, dragging him to the airlock without hesitation. The entire way there, Ein struggles, shouting and yelling to me to stop them, but I know I can’t. Begrudgingly, I force myself to turn away, covering my ears with trembling hands. Why is this happening? What did we do to deserve this? Despite my covered ears I could still hear Ein’s shouts, the cries for justice only stopping when the air lock opens to release him into space.

Blue was ejected.

[threelivesthreeworlds]

Anonymous asked: Hello sorry if I was unclear. What I meant to say is that most people have a superficial view on intimacy of any sort, and so while I love Tang Qi's portrayal of romance, I hate most people's physicality-obsessed interpretations. Dunno if it's a western thing, but fanfiction is so out of alignment with canon romance themes that the characters are barely recognisable anymore. (1/4)

Secondly, Most readers/viewers do not give characters like Yehua or Lian Song a chance before making stereotypical assumptions about them. I love their real personalities, flaws and all, but I hate the sheer hyperexaggeration the fandom makes out of it (e.g. hating on Ji Heng). People just cannot see a character as a whole but put them into one category or the other. (2/4)

Thirdly, I just added that I relate to Lian Song(depression etc) because I kinda share his views on romance/love and don't really care for physical aspects that much. I'm aware he's a playboy, but he's also not a stereotypical one (which is unfortunately how most people interpret him) so it's a relief that your blog instead backs up my interpretation of him with facts. (3/4)

Lastly, I'm so sorry for ranting in the Q & A section. Making several points with a word limit really compromises what I'm trying to say 😆. But the bottom line was that fandoms' misinterpretations of your favourite characters makes it hard to see them in an objective light again. (4/4)  

(this 4th one came in after most of our answers were done, so we apologize if it comes off a little ??? we weren’t aware of the end goal for the anons received. We mean no ill-will in how we come across, just elaborating on things and we hope that’s alright with you. <3)

(Admin Lin): Hey! Thanks for sharing your opinions, though these anons are starting to get a little haughty for our own comfort to continue addressing. Both admins have our own grievances with the fandom / how it views particular characters (Ji Heng being a prime example here), however the fandom still offers plenty of good things from it. This is not only a western fandom “issue” (I say as this physicality isn’t necessarily an issue), it can be found in the eastern fandom as well for not only this series but others as well. Both admins are in fact western fandom despite Admin Ro being Asian.  

        As for when it comes down to interpretations - Peach Blossoms is written in first person and hard to find on the western side of the internet; Yehua has an extra from his perspective but that’s the only direct contact we get with him that isn’t through Bai Qian’s eyes. Qian isn’t a romantic person nor does she necessarily find what he does romantic, she’s been engaged to him for so long she kind of considered their engagement troublesome due to her past experience with his Uncle Sang Ji. When it comes to the drama’s take of Yehua, we get a clearer idea of him but at the same time it’s easy to see where others can’t grasp him in his entirety or simplify things when in a fanfiction. Or, for the likes of me, knows what he’s like but can’t formulate a more articulate summary or introspective version of him because of his extensive complexities and in some ways, the knowledge of a Chinese household of some fashion to express the intricacies of his upbringing. It’s merely harder. 

         In the case of Lian Song - the Western fandom doesn’t have access to the information that can be found on this blog as easily because Lotus Step is in the middle of a hiatus but will continue serializing by next year. So, it’s no one’s fault for misunderstanding what kind of playboy he is since that was only addressed in the fall of last year and the dramas both make it clear he’s a playboy / amorous person but never elaborates on it. So it’s an easy assumption to make that he may be a typical playboy by fans of the other available media because he’s not featured beyond Yehua’s uncle or Donghua’s best friend with touches here and there of his connection to Cheng Yu. It’s only in his novel that we get to see a different side of him that will ultimately have a shift at some point to what we see 50,000 years down the line. So, I’m not actually bothered by this myself, personally. It is bound to happen because no one on the western side of the fandom has as much access or want to read an untranslated novel. 

        With TQ’s stance on romance writing, I will say the concept of eternal love or a love that lasts 3,000 lifetimes is a very Chinese one that unless one digs through it with patience and interest in Buddhism / other Eastern religions, that it can be a harder nuance to grasp for those unfamiliar. 

(Admin Ro): We’re sorry you’ve had bad experiences with “fanon” material. We’re thankful that you like the content on this blog enough to comment on it! These are my opinions on the whole affair: as a Chinese woman who reads Chinese novels, from a perspective of writing tropes, hyper-exaggeration is already frequently utilized...in canon. And - from a personal standpoint, when the tropes hit right, I - don’t necessarily mind. Depth can be dug out of the text, but it’s understandable for people to simplify when they’re simply writing or analyzing for their enjoyment.  

        I’m ace, so maybe I understand, Nonny, when you say that you don’t care for the physical aspects of love.  I personally, in my life, don’t necessarily want or need that kind of intimacy, and I don’t find myself straying into the smut tag too often to read about it as it stretches my comfort limits. Granted, I am not sex-repulsed, and it takes a great deal to upset me - however, if everything is in layers and someone enjoys writing smut, then they simply enjoy that layer. Romance isn’t less good and interpretations aren’t less good if there’s a degree of physicality in it. Heck, Admin Lins and I have discussed extensively the physicality of these books - we keep it off the blog 80% of the time because tagging, but it’s a present theme. And, all of us enjoy different things. At the end of the day I think we can’t say the tropes aren’t good when the tropes are the lead-ins that drew us into the more extensive stories.

         Furthermore, a lot of what is on this blog is “read,”and I will never say my read of a character or a part of canon is “right” - or that it's “right”-er than someone else’s. Yes, there’s room for passionate debate as evidenced by many, many essays, but I’m not upset when I can’t change anyone’s mind. People are not automatically wrong when they disagree with me - even if there’s textual evidence, there is difference in interpretation of that textual evidence. I understand why fandom thinks the way it does - though, you’ll have to forgive me, my brain is 90% of the time focused on Pillow Book. Regardless, whether you walk out of a book thinking “this character has this much depth and this many flaws” or “this character is just a flat out antagonist” is very much dependent on you. Yes, we as a blog synthesize textual evidence to make that synthesis easier, but ultimately we are no better judges of anyone’s personality than anyone else out in the fandom.

         Rather, I think sometimes for the sake of finding reasons or understanding, or when we look for evidence fitting our own assumptions about characters sometimes we lean into a softer read, maybe entirely without realizing it. This is a big no in the world of analytical writing for the sake of, ironically “objectivity”  - but this is for enjoyment and not academia. There are times when textual evidence is untouched by the author's tone in terms of connotation and so when we take it for our reading and we have our pre-formed opinions we fall a little more between the lines. Admin Lins and I obviously differ in where this happens as we each have our own, minutely different vibes for characters in question. We know where our confirmation biases in interpretation might lie. Everyone has those. 

         Up till about February or March this year, I, like a lot of the rest of this fandom, wanted to roast Ji Heng on a spitfire. That is my bias. We are humans, and I think we are perhaps incapable of reading something and staying entirely objective to each character. I clawed my way out of my bias (I say ‘clawed’ because it was difficult), however, by looking at the book, looking at my own opinions, looking at other people’s opinions and asking myself: which parts of this is most likely to be true? I think the only way of striving toward objectivity in terms of portrayal is to consider other people’s portrayals, even if you don’t like them - and see if there’s any truth you can see past your bias. And to accept that truth, even if it’s a hard pill to swallow.

         I guess what I have been trying to say, for this entire time, is that we are not the authority on what is and isn’t objective, on what is and isn’t right in these characters, interpretations, and this blog. We are glad to be an interpretation you enjoy - but that doesn’t mean the rest of the fandom who have different opinions are wrong or misinterpretations. I realize we can come across like that sometimes because we make salty memes and because we write long paragraph essays when we have opinions, but ultimately, no one is wrong. Our bubble of enjoyment is our bubble, and no one has to agree with us.

#three lives three worlds ten miles of peach blossoms #three lives three worlds the lotus step #Yehua #Lian Song #admin lin answers #admin ro answers

[nsfwsportsanimebabes]

I Need you to Really Date Me

Description: this is PART 2 of the Kuroo x reader writing prompt 'I need you to fake date me' that so many of you eagerly requested be done. I'm happy y'all wanted a part two because I've eagerly wanted to keep writing on this piece of work lol.

Requested: yes of course obviously. Namely, I asked if anyone wanted a part two and y'all answered 😁😁 once again ya girl Crow got wayyyyy into this and it probably is longer than it originally was going to be.

Hope you lovelies enjoy! ~Admin Crow 💚

                            ___________________________________

“Kuroo why didn’t you warn me that there would be couples events!?” 

You were panicking. Rightfully so of course. Kuroo had completely forgotten to tell you about any kind of competitions or events during this reunion. The two of you had made it back to the room you were sharing. Kuroo was sitting on the end of the bed, his head in his hands resting on his knees. He hadn’t said a word since his cousin had reminded you of the events in the morning. 

“Kuroo! I am kind of freaking out over here, any kind of response would be nice so I know you didn’t die over there.” 

Okay maybe you were being a little bit dramatic, but you were getting worried. Kuroo always had a response for everything. So why was he so damn quiet right now when you needed something, anything, from him?

Kuroo lifted his head and looked over at you “I’m sorry F/N, I should have told you about this. I would have understood if you had said no. We always have family events at these things, however the couples part is totally new. And I have no idea what they entail.” 

You stopped pacing and went to sit by him on the bed, letting out a sigh “Kuroo. I don’t give a damn about all of that. I agreed to doing this. But I have no clue how to Kayak, nonetheless whatever ‘couples kayaking’ is and through the rapids to add to it.” 

Kuroo blinked in confusion “Wait...you’re freaking out because you don’t know how to kayak? Not because this is a couples event and competition that probably has couple specified events?” 

Letting out a sigh you looked right at him with a grin “Tetsu dear, you didn’t know your fake girlfriend was competitive did you? Sure I don’t know if I want to know what the couples events mean, but I signed up to be your girlfriend for the weekend.  I’m not gonna dip out on you or anything.”

Kuroo let out a laugh “Oh my god I totally thought you were about to dip out on me and I would have to admit that this was fake. But you’re worried about Kayaking? How hard can it be?” 

“The fact that you don’t know what we will see in the morning is what scares me.” you yawned.

Kuroo chuckled to himself “Guess we will just have to see what the morning brings then huh F/N?”

                                    ________________________

7am and one remaining Kayak left. That is what the morning brought the two of you. You had barely made it down the stairs in time to even make it to the event. But it would seem everyone else participating was already out on the lake, the official event beginning at 7am sharp. 

Tilting your head to the side you narrowed your eyes at the remaining Kayak, something about it not quite right “hey Kuroo....Aren’t two person Kayaks supposed to have..?” 

Kuroo nodded, kicking the Kayak over to further prove your point. “Two seats and two paddles for two people? Yep. They sure are.” 

The sad excuse of a two person kayak mocked the two of you. “Sorry there aren’t any other newer kayaks left Kuroo!”

You both looked up, seeing Kuroo’s two cousins from the other day grinning at the two of you. “There were plenty of the newer, two seater Kayaks earlier. But that one that’s left has room for two people, as long as you don’t mind being close to each other!” he called, laughing as they raced off towards the rapids. 

Kuroo let out a groan “Of course that’s what happened. Guess we will just have to take turns rowing. That puts us at such a disadvantage.” He began pushing the kayak towards the water and turned to look back at you with a questioning look.

“Are you sure we are gonna both fit in there?” you asked unsure of the answer. Regardless, you would be back to chest with each other. Hardly any other room considering how lanky Kuroo was. You weren’t sure this was going to work out well. 

Kuroo chuckled “oh come on, it won’t be any different than riding on my bike..afraid to be that close to me?” he taunted, wiggling his brows at you.

Shaking yourself from the blush you felt rising to your cheeks, you huffed, grabbing the paddle and pushing the Kayak into the water “No, I’m concerned that our combined weight in one central area is gonna make it easier for us to tip. And I would like to not tip thank you very much.”

Kuroo blinked “Oh. Guess I didn’t think of that. We will just have to be careful then won’t we?” 

The two of you awkwardly, but successfully, got yourself into the tiny boat. Kuroo sitting further back, his legs needing the most room, and you sat in front of him; your back to his chest, arms holding the center of the paddle to help guide some of the direction as Kuroo did most of the bulk work at first. 

After a few practice laps to get used to the weight and feel of the boat, you turned to look up at Kuroo “I think we might be ready...What time does the event fully start?” you asked, hoping it was soon.

Kuroo looked at his watch and groaned “18 minutes ago....” 

“What!? Kuroo are you serious? We have so much time to make up for! Let’s go!” you shrieked, lightly hitting his legs to get him to go. He had gotten you into the kayak, now was time for the competition. 

“Alright Alright! I’m going! Calm down or you're gonna tip us!” Kuroo yelled trying to balance the sudden movements you were making. The closer to the rapids you got the more your hearts raced. As soon as the first rapids and slight fall came upon you, you leaned back against Kuroo, tensing, hoping to stay as still as possible to not end up in the water. Who knew how well this rickety old kayak would really hold up?

Kuroo tensed around you as well, pulling the oar closer to your center, securing you in his grip, his strong legs locking in place at your sides, the only way you would end up in the water is if the whole kayak tipped.

 As the first rapids slowed down and you two had survived, you let out a rush of breath and looked up at Kuroo, who hadn’t relaxed yet. “Kuroo! We survived the first rapids you can relax now!” you laughed, adrenaline rushing through your veins. 

Kuroo looked down at you his chest rising and falling rapidly “You sure are confident for surviving small rapids” Kuroo looked ahead noticing a sign leading to two different paths on the lake. 

Squinting he noticed it had two directions, and one of them said ‘couples only’ while the other sign directed the other teams another direction. “It looks like we only had to survive one round of the rapids. This path leads away from the rest of the rapids. Wonder what they have separate for couples?” 

You let out a huff “It better not be some detour that makes it harder for us to win the competition.”

Kuroo let out a chuckle as he steered the kayak towards the sign “Well we have to follow through and see what happens. Maybe we get an advantage?” 

Once the two of you paddled to the water’s edge, you noticed something set up on a table underneath a tree. “Oi Kuroo, what do you think that is over there?” you asked, taking the hand he had offered to help you out of the kayak.

“Looks like they have some sort of device set up. They probably want us to take some ridiculous photos or something like that.” he speculated, picking up the directions card when you two arrived at the tree.

“To all couples stopped at this place, this is a chance for you to advance in the races! The team that has the best ‘sporadic live proposal’ gets the advance all the away to the final round!”

Kuroo paused, peering at the note again “sporadic live proposal? What the heck does that mean?”

You peered down at the device set up on the table and blanched “uh Kuroo...this is a drone hooked up to a live video feed...” 

“What!?” Kuroo leaned over your shoulder peering at the device “what the hell kind of challenge is this?” 

“The kind that we can’t get out of?” you sighed. The two of you were barely managing to survive pretending to be a couple. Now you were expected to pretend to do some silly proposal? This felt like such a trap.

“Well why don’t we just shake up whoever is judging this thing then?” you turned, Kuroo had taken your hands and dramatically got on one knee, winking at you in the process. 

It took everything in your entire being to not blush “Kuroo! What are you doing?” you hissed totally caught off guard. You hadn’t discussed the plan! You had no idea what he meant by shaking up the judges! 

“F/N, I know we haven’t really been together for very long. In fact, it only feels like its been a few days” Kuroo paused, waggling his eyes at you earning a giggle and calming of your nerves slightly. “But I think after this weekend I have the sudden urge to spend more and more time with you” 

He wait..he what?

You weren’t sure when the feeling had changed, but suddenly you got this sudden feeling that Kuroo was no longer just going along with the joke. “F/N, I don’t want to fake date you any longer. I need you to date me. For real this time. No more pretending. I realized fake dating you made me not want this weekend to end, knowing that come Monday we would go back to being just classmates.”

You felt like your eyes were going to bulge out of your head, frozen in place as Kuroo honestly confessed that to you. “Tetsu....I-I would love to really date you.” you laughed, letting out a squeal as Kuroo swept you off of the ground into his arms, sealing the confession with a long awaited Kiss that neither of you realized you had been waiting for. 

A while later, the two of you had waited for hours for someone to confirm to you that the final round had happened. When no one came to retrieve the two of you, you went searching for answers. Suspicious that maybe the whole thing had been a setup, despite the outcomes. When you arrived back at the cabin hand in hand, you noticed Kuroo’s cousins snickering. It turns out that the whole thing had been a set up, his cousins not believing your fake dating plan one bit. 

But it didn’t matter to either of you in the end, because it had gotten the two of you together, for real this time. 

A/N: good lord this took so long to finally post. I hope you guys like part two! ~Admin Crow

#Haikyuu Scenario #part two requested #Kuroo Tetsurou #Kuroo x reader #I was right this totally got out of hand #Nekoma #Haikyuu!! #Admin Crow

[magnoliarps]

exposing gleeunionhq

Hi! Hi! Before you read any of this I just want to confirm that I’m not a rpt blog or anything and I personally don’t enjoy spreading negativity into the rpc because at the end of the day we’re all on here on our computers playing characters in rps and we should just have fun instead of tearing each other apart which is why I’m not tagging anyone from that rp or revealing names, I just included the rp name so people know they should be wary before applying and it’s why I’m not including members names in the post because I don’t think they deserve to be blacklisted for being a part of the rp (even if they were the ones who caused some of this)

I’d also like to say I don’t have screenshots to prove each and every single thing I bring up and you’ll just have to take my word for it (because it’d be pretty absurd to make this up) but some screenshots have been included since I did screenshot some things before I left the groupchat (and i didn’t think to screenshot everything at the time)

Alright, SO I’m not one to want to “expose” rps. Like what you do is your prerogative but there have been some things come to light in recent weeks that I just can’t ignore and when it involves OOC things I feel like it needs to be discussed? But GLEEUNIONHQ is a glee rp (i know i’m a glee rper sue me) and the glee rpc is kind of known for being shitty so I didn’t even think anyone would care.

So, a little preface is that I ran a decently successful rp back in 2019 and it was @ohiohq​. If you were in it and had a bad experience in it, I’m sorry and don’t worry I had an awful experience too and it’s why I decided to close it down because it just wasn’t what I wanted. There was so much going on OOC and IC that it just didn’t seem relevant enough or worth it to keep it open. Now multiple members from this rp (that I thought I was friends with) started up a new rp that had the similar vibe as ohiohq; a glee family secrets rp and that’s no biggie because there were hundreds of them before ohiohq and there’s gonna be hundreds more, but their URL is stolen, from me.

Once again, this was no biggie because it was a short lived rp (that they were in) that I deleted but that was just one minor red flag. Then it was the fact that right off the bat you could pick up 8 characters which is fine if you can handle that many characters but it got to the point that it was just this little group picking up ships for each other, and this group is also notorious for using aliases so there’s a good chance there’s someone in that rp playing like 16 characters (but that’s just speculation) which is totally okay but don’t say you want more members or keep it as a public rp when you’re clearly content with just having yourself and select few members be the main focus of the rp instead of actually wanting to be a welcoming, open rp.

Now onto an anecdote from a former member (like i said i won’t reveal any names or such), I was informed by a mutual friend that this member wouldn’t be comfortable sharing their personal story or screenshots just because it was this bad of an experience but since it semi-included me I felt the need to share it. Basically, this member and I were both playing characters in the same family. Since this was a secrets RP my character’s secret was that she had been kicked out of private school for having sex with a teacher. Now a run down of the secret; the character was 18+ and the storyline was that she wasn’t aware of his profession because it happened over summer but I wanted a reason for her to be kicked out without it being like “she bullied someone” or “burned down a building”. Now with this, a couple more characters came in (both played by the same person) and they both involved [ TW: child pedophilia & rape ] a character being raped as a child and another involving a character sleeping with his mother’s friends since he was a teenager (the character in question now being an adult). Now I personally don’t have issues with these secrets, it wouldn’t be my own personal choice for a character but if that’s the way you want to take your character in, then that’s your choice.

However, this former member had an issue with these secrets (and ultimately chose to leave due to this) because it wasn’t something they were comfortable with. From the best of my knowledge, on their view, they explained their issue with it and they thought the admin was essentially brushing them off. What that member had shared with the admin ended up being shared in another group chat, now I took it upon myself to message that member after because I felt like I was being semi-targeted with my secret as well (since it fit that characteristic) and offered to change the secret. They had informed me they would just rather leave and I respected that decision of course. Now at the time, I was upset because it felt like someone had left because of me and because I felt like something could have been done? Like I said, if that’s a part of your characters then you do you but if people are visually upset and possibly triggered by it, you should at least offer it and these members just got upset because this person wasn’t comfortable with their secrets.

Something else that happened that I thought was weird was they wanted to have under 18 FC’s just because someone wanted to play Jenna Ortega and Olivia Rodrigo? But if you’re going to have mature themes, you shouldn’t allow under 18 FC’s and they tried to justify it if they didn’t “do anything dark with the character” even though I could list five alt FC’s for Jenna & Olivia that are 18+.

Now onto MY personal experience; more or so another member’s but it’s what ultimately led me to leave. This person and I had communicated fairly frequently and even shared our own concerns about the rp and she just eventually went inactive on her accounts because she wasn’t feeling the rp anymore which is totally normal? Or at least most people would consider it normal. Now she had another “friend” who she had plots with. For the sake of not confusing anyone the former member will be referred to as A and the current member will be referred to as B. So, A played two characters which were B’s character’s sister and B’s character’s girlfriend. After A’s characters got reopened, B went ahead and said her character went through a breakup (totally normal), and when A asked for her character back they continued the ex plot but A just still wasn’t feeling the rp and left for good. Now B took it upon herself to take things to the groupchat without naming names but you could clearly tell who she was talking about, it wasn’t secretive at all.

Now I understand being upset about losing a plot, it’s frustrating but to take it to an OOC chat? Say “I dare her to try and talk to me OOC” just made me so uncomfortable and frankly made me feel gross. Especially when A had paid to have gifs made for B since the FC she was using wasn’t a popular FC so to see someone talk about a “friend” that way was just so weird and upsetting and I didn’t want to be a part of that negativity so I left. Here’s the three paragraphs I sent: (you don’t have to read it all but it shows I clearly put thought and care into my message because I did think of everyone has a friend)

Now, this is what I got in response from the main admin:

Obviously this made me so upset because here I made sure not to offend anybody or make someone feel like something was their fault, and I got one sentence in response. But the biggest kicker is, she sent the same message to A word for word:

So, clearly a lot has happened in this rp that has gone unnoticed and I just hope this shines a light on the people in this rp and encouraged them to fix this behavior because it just seems ridiculous to me? But if you’ve had a personal experience with this rp or members feel free to message me and share your experience because with all of this I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff I haven’t seen!

And may I say, please do not direct hate to the main or admins of this rp. Just because they did some shitty things to some members doesn’t mean I think they need to be canceled or bullied for their actions. I just want them to be held accountable as adults and know that this isn’t appropriate behavior. <3

#appless rp #glee rp #rpt #rpc #rph