#red bc trauma— though she does emote sometimes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

numbaoneflaya · 3 years

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Can I get a list of all ur ocs?

Well anon youve done it, you made me make a list of all my major OCS in one place. I hope your happy with yourself. Under the cut for obvious reasons, may link in my blog desc later.

Modern/BTD verse!!

Jilly- Ferret beastkin little creature, was recently turned into a werewolf by vincent as well so she's running around on full moons in a wereferret wolf hybrid creature form. Chaotic and friendly and wants to be everyone's bestie. She has the most energy in the world and is very kind hearted. Banned from most Claires for stealing and from one Home Depot for climbing the shelves. Prone to living life with rose colored glasses on and seeing the best in everything/everything even when there's nothing there. Socialization is a must for her and is why being basemented/kidnapped broke her psych so quickly and developed severe stockholm. Sometimes overly talkative/enthusiastic and can scare people off. Even if she sees someone shes decided shes friends with be noticeably 'evil', will convince herself it must be for some reason/her fault and ignore it.

Ciggy- Undead punk still learning to harness his powers to interact with the world as a ghost. Was sacrificed by a cult he joined for free concert tickets and to get laid. Likes to cause problems on purpose both pre and prior death and he's not above possessing someone once he learns how to. Was called Rooster in high school before he dropped out because he's loud, obnoxious and always screaming. And also has bright red dyed hair. Looking 4 ways to become less ghosty bcs he wants to be able to help raise his infant daughter, whom he died before he could meet. Bit annoying and in your face, likes poking at bruises, his or others. Kind of a sad heart seeking attention through volume and persistence.

Mike: Vampire loser! Sells drugs and lives at raves. Was turned when she was attacked by a coked out vampire (whom she supplied the product to) and has major scarring on her face and chest. Needs a somewhat constant influx of blood so shell sometimes take victims back to her place and chain them up, slowly draining them over time. Feels bad (ish) about it tho so it is possible to survive her if you are nice and or interesting enough. Kind of desperate for a friend and for love. Is a stalker. If she likes you enough/finds you interesting, she might just appear in your house one night and start rummaging through your fridge like nothing is wrong and youve been besties for years. Its best to indulge her and be friendly, otherwise she could turn violent quickly if her feelings are hurt.

Kilaine- Regular human woman, but fucked up. Born and raised by an elite waspy society she had an interest in the human body and pain tolerance since she was young. Quickly learned that these traits were socially unacceptable in most professions, so she became a doctor. The only family she cared about was her younger sister who she lost in a car accident, where they were flipped over and trapped inside while it was afire. While her sister burned up in front of her Kilaine only lost her left arm and had major burns on her body. This tipped her descent into sadism and she is now madly obsessed with bringing her sister back no matter the cost. Rude and offstandish, clinical.

Dragon age verse!

Thurwen- My main Hero of Ferelden with a bad temper and a heart of gold. City elf from the Denerim Alienage, 18 at the start of origins. She's a reaver warrior with a lot of pent up rage which sometimes scares others when she lets it out in battle. Over the years she's grown less moody as she's had to take the role of Commander. Crude sense of humor and violent impulses, very sensitive to the plights of others and tries often to help. Never seen crying in public but only cries to herself at night- major martyr and hanged man complex.

Caz- My circle mage elf inquisitor who was an apostate before the conclave. Blood magic, but make it sneaky. Wary of strangers and new faces, always dealing with the impulse to flee/find a high vantage point. Endless curiosity about the unknown/ the forbidden/ naughty, was supposed to be made tranquil for it but she escaped. Kind of a little creature as well, lived on her own for a while as an apostate in the woods, filed her teeth down to sharp ends to make herself look more intimidating (shes 5 ft tall) and less cute (her elf ears are huge and expressive, which shes embarrassed about)

Dag and Thagna- Carta twins! Professional lyrium smugglers since birth pretty much. Raised casteless in dust town and had to work their way up the chain of command by themselves. Dag is the brother, Thagna the sister. Their father traded them to the carta for drinking money and their mom died in childbirth so they have somewhat of a codependent relationship. Both charismatic and calculating, friendly and agreeable but won't hesitate to put a dagger in your back. Hard to pin down morally or physically, squirrelly bastards.

Reila: Dalish elf who works for the inquisition/ is the inquisitor in some aus. She has an extreme fixation on elvhen history and rebuilding what they have lost. Not a people person, prefers solitude. Takes some time to warm up to shemhlen as she has a hard history with them. Good friends with Caz, who recruited her in the first place. Doesn't understand very many social cues and finds societal expectations limiting and frustrating. Fondness for halla and hooved animals, which she finds graceful.

Elder scrolls verse!

Valkya: Near seven foot nord woman whos over a thousand years old by the events of skyrim. Tall and buff, two handed warrior and compulsive hero there to bask in the spotlight save the day. She was killed at the start of the events of Elder scrolls online and had her soul ripped out and sent to coldharbor and she's just been a pain in the ass about it since then. Her body can physically die and will not regrow pieces. Her soul however will escape and teleport to the nearest source of power where her body will regrow from an aetherial plasm until its whole again. Loud and brash, friendly and jovial. Actually pretty keen especially after centuries of life but prefers to play dumb as it makes people underestimate her. Plus, she really does enjoy mud wrestling and drinking contests and acting generally like a rambunctious frat boy. Ha developed a bit of a substance problem and a problem with acting out, as after being alive so long she would turn to anything to dull the ache inside of her that never goes away.

Espira- My Dragonborn! Redguard from Hammerfell who was briefly in the Ash’abah due to killing undead while protecting her parents water farm as a child. Ran away from them after years and went to Cyrodille, then to Skyrim and was caught crossing the border. Reserved, kind and soft spoken, she's a sword and shield warrior who's committed herself to doing good in the world by helping others. Dislikes killing and anything messy but believes it is often necessary in order to protect the weak. She blacksmiths often to save money on the upkeep of her own equipment, and takes up metal jewelry working as a hobby with the excess material. Prone to trusting others too much and giving too many second chances, as shes always looking for ways to make even the most hardened criminal a second look at life.

Riley- Espiras little brother who she locked in the wardrobe during the event of the water farm attack. In preventing him from doing violence against the undead she kept him from being conscripted into the Ash’abah. He's way more chaotic than his sister, and suffers from a case of little sibling syndrome in which he will often pester/poke at people just to get a rise out of them. Still kind hearted as his sister, he tries to hide it because he believes that the world is a cruel place and the cruel survive. Despite that belief he is often still unable to force himself to be cruel/careless, only making a show of it so that others leave him alone and don't see that he's very sensitive and emotional. Deaf in one ear due to a magic mishap in his youth, he trained and enchanted his most beloved rats to live for years and sit on his shoulder, alerting him to noises he would not otherwise notice.

Felria: Evil vamp :/ chaotic evil dunmer necromancer. Small and devilish and likes dead bodies too much. Manipulative and cunning, she loves acting. She's a trained assassin for the dark brotherhood and is the speaker. Likes dressing up for missions and wearing disguises like its all a play. Loves toying with people more than she loves killing them, will act in ways that cause as much trauma as possible for other people just for fun and she finds the reactions interesting. Considers herself too far removed from most people's perception of morality and of her so it's hard for her to trust someone or see them as worthy of knowing her. Finds the psychology of grief and fear to be interesting and wants to study them first hand. The hero of kvatch.

Herren: Fifty something year old rat woman looking for something to keep her going. Ran away from her wealthy family in her youth when they wanted her to take charge of the household, instead became an infamous jewel thief and swashbuckler. Spent most of her life traveling and stealing and double dealing. She's smarmy and sarcastic, a serial romancer of the highest caliber. Bit of a show off and a hedonist, always looking for the next good party or new product to snort. Her family died off due to the hard times she wasn't there for and she keeps looking for bigger and bigger heists to fill her appetite as she's chronically bored and lonely, though wont accept intimacy and will scoff at it out of the belief she doesn't deserve it. Irresponsible and selfish, lonely and terrified of any sort of commitment. Fun to party with though!

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meetmeatthecoda · 3 years

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Okay so, I wanted to offer my two cents on that ask about Liz’s reaction in Luther Braxton: Conclusion. This is NOT meant as an attack on anyone—I find it 100% valid that the OG nonny (and anyone who related to them, including you dear Coda 💖💖💖) feels the way they do; they can’t control how they reacted to Liz any more than I can control how I reacted to that ask. Plus like, this is all fiction so no harm done? I purely wish to share my perspective, not ~present a counterargument~ or anything like that. :) Apologies in advance for how long this got. 😅😅😅

I get why you would react negatively to Liz’s screaming at Red, but I feel like?? That incident of all the times she’s treated him unjustly was (one of?) the most reasonable. Now, how she continues to act afterwards (regarding the Fulcrum but also, like, for the rest of the show welp) is 100% a continued bad decision in so many ways on her part and reflects terribly on her character, but her reaction in the immediate aftermath?? IDK, I feel the need to kind of defend her, probably because I absoluuuutely saw myself in her when she did that. I’ve (I shamefully admit) yelled, shoved, and even kicked at loved ones when they just wanted to comfort me but their attempts made me feel cornered and small. I’ve made logically unbased and ethically/emotionally unfair accusations against people who’ve done nothing but try to help me when I just needed something to get them away (literally or otherwise). When I just needed to attack something—take out my frustrations and confusion and fear and anger on someone. (And if Liz was like that, she might have latched onto Red as her target because he was the closest thing—physically, emotionally, and even in relation to the cause of that confusion and anger itself.) I have inflicted real harm on people while in an unsettling or unfamiliar mental state—harm that I couldn’t take back even when I could look back with a clear(er) mind and realize I never should have said/done any of that.

(Also, side note: when I first watched that ep and I saw Liz screaming at Red not to touch her?? I’d actually thought they were depicting her as being touch-averse due to the trauma and/or overstimulation, and I was?!! Like, call me badly coping but I appreciate seeing characters not being comfortable or straight-up being aggressive about being touched, even for just a moment, because that is me 24/7. Then of course a few more seconds and it turns out it’s not actually that?? Liz is just repulsed by Red’s Bad Guyness again apparently?? Whenever I rewatch the ep I still choose to see it as overstimulation though because, well… my heart is clearly very talented at choosing comfort characters for me. 🥲🥲🥲)

So speaking from personal experience, coming out of a trauma (or revisiting an unresolved one) is so stressful that it’s only natural to react explosively—even to the extent of unfairness and unreasonableness—in an attempt to protect or heal yourself, whether that attempt be justified or not. And honestly, I could even make the argument that for Liz, her attempt was to some extent justified. Of course Red would never hurt her, but sometimes a person needs breathing space. Like, literally needs. Maybe for the sake of her mental stability/health, Liz should have had her first moments coming up from her trance to herself. Does that make sense?? IDK if I made any sense there; I just know that while I never could have gotten to the place I’m at now without the EVENTUAL professional and personal support I’ve been blessed with, I also can’t fathom how much more mental anguish I would have experienced if I’d had people who knew me (or like, the “closest person” in Liz’s case) see me in the immediate aftermath of my trauma. Just… The state I was in? Yikes, am I glad only I saw myself pull myself together; I’d have had so much more to worry about with others seeing me like that. That might just be me and totally inapplicable to Liz of course, so I digress!

I’m not saying Liz isn’t responsible for her words/actions simply because they happened while she was in utter emotional upheaval and under mental and physical duress—Red definitely did NOT deserve that treatment from her. He did NOTHING WRONG. But with that kind of complex angst comes the inevitably mixed but nonetheless potent reactions of fans, I completely understand that. Everyone has different experiences and thus different viewpoints, and that’s fine and totally healthy in my book. Still, something about that discussion struck a chord with me—you can (and should) hold someone accountable for the harm they do while mentally unstable, but it’s possible and also healthy to do that without, yourself, harboring anger or resentment against them, you know? I had to teach myself (and those around me) that, so I guess I just wanted to put it out there. Again, I don’t mean to start anything and I’m so, so sorry if I inadvertently have. I hope it’s okay that I came here to explain my thoughts (and so wordily too, ack I’m sorry), and if not, I won’t anymore. Thank you for hearing me out this time though, I really appreciate it. :)

Dear anon!! 🤗🥰❤️ Firstly, I want to thank you for your kindness & respect for other's opinions!! This ask was worded in the sweetest, most considerate way & I appreciate it very much!! There's absolutely no need to apologize for having your own opinion & perspective, especially when you share & explain it so nicely, so never fear!! 😊❤️ Moving on to the meat of your ask - which is in regards to this previous one - you make such a good point!! When you look at it that way, the Luther Braxton Post-Memory-Unearthing Screaming Explosion is perhaps Liz's most justifiable negative reaction in the series LOL I guess looking back from where we are now - knowing all about & being completely fed up with all of Liz's awful writing & characterization in the subsequent seasons - it's easy to dismiss her reaction in Luther Braxton as something unreasonable & irritating & unfair to Red (which, to some extent - as you graciously allow - it is). But - as you generously point out - while that's a valid way of looking at it, it's also definitely worth examining from another point of view!! And I think your point of view (in everything ofc, but particularly in this) is so valuable!! I can relate at least on some level... I have definitely snapped at people, even those trying to help me, verbally & otherwise, when I lost my temper & just needed some space!! In fact, I think that's a pretty universal stress reaction & it's not necessarily something to be super ashamed of (but definitely something to be aware of & work on - a good reminder for us all!!) & it's definitely not a stretch to imagine Liz was going through something similar after being effectively water-boarded & having her memories so unceremoniously rifled through!! And, after all, Liz has one thing we generally don't... a perfect, convenient, willing catalyst for all the negative things in her life: Red (however undeserving of that title he may be.)

(And re: sidenote of touch-averse!Liz - Omg, I definitely thought about that being their angle at first too!! While I don't usually default to reacting that way myself [kind of the opposite for me usually LOL] I know that plenty of people do & it's 1000% valid as a coping mechanism & honestly??? A touch-averse Liz would be one of the more realistic reactions she's ever had 😂😭 especially considering the circumstances!! And hey, no shame about gravitating towards that interpretation bc it's 1) less painful for you & 2) you like comfort characters bc you 👏 do 👏 you 👏 but also?? I can't say anything bc the reason that I like that interpretation??? I love the angst of an overwhelmed & touch-averse!Liz unintentionally shattering Red's heart by completely rejecting his well-meaning physical comfort anddddd I'm not sure what that says about me tbh 😂😂😂)

Long story short, anon, you made perfect sense here, not to worry!! You were so respectful & cognizant of others' feelings, thank you so much for that, it doesn't go unnoticed!! You bring such a good point to the discussion with your perspective & outlook & I'm so thankful you chose to contribute!! I loved reading your thoughts & don't worry at all about the length, I appreciate your thoroughness!! (Plus, we all know I'm hardly one to talk, I never use one word when twenty will do 😂) Please don't hesitate to come back to my inbox any time to discuss whatever you like, I always love a little bit of friendly TBL conversation, especially since the show as we know it is so abruptly & unexpectedly over 😭 Yes, still grappling with that, in case you were wondering 🥲 Anyway, thank you again for your lovely ask, anon, I appreciate you greatly, & much, much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️

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lostfanboy · 3 years

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Dude!!! Please enlighten me about your OCs!!!

God... I've got so many..... But!!! I'll start with just my main five boys that occupy my every waking thought because I love and adore them Gonna yeet this under a readmore

Okay so quick side note, all of my ocs for the most part are for roleplays with friends, and if their not their for video games or dnd lmao so they tend to have a bunch of different varations/storylines and stuff like that. I've always wanted to make a actual like, comic or book out of a lot of the stories but I've never managed it, so none of the characters have like, a base storyline currently asdfjnasd So their motivations and personalities change/shift based on the story their in.

But! First off we have my baby boy and the oldest oc out of this group, Grech

He's just... my emo disaster I love him very much. He's very quiet and a bit shy, he tends not to show much emotion most of the time? But he just... wants to be friends with people and he wants to be around the people he loves and he's such a good boy and I just -breathes in- love him lots

He's also an absolute idiot this bad boy can fit so many bad decisions in him-

He has a twin sister named Flare who he loves and adores, and he's also got a giant black fluffy cat named Twilight who's his emotional support animal who's... so good.... He's just. Struggling along. Getting angsted by me constantly. He's a big comfort character for me, playing him is like wearing a big cozy sweater sometimes. I just... really love him.

Then we've got Carter!!

Carter is my disaster child, he also may or may not be my whump character, he's just constantly getting into trouble but he tries so hard and he loves people so much and so hard and god ahhh

His whole thing is like... being really compassionate/always trying to see the best in people, which can land him in hot water sometimes because he tends to ignore red flags because of it. He has really big abandonment issues and is just always struggling emotionally and is like... usually feeling shitty but he tries not to let it show. He's snarky and sassy, he tends to try and get a rise out of people he doesn't like and just isn't afraid to Cause Problems On Purpose occasionally. He's super cute, playful, and friendly, he calls his favorite people 'cochise', and... like he's a relatively new oc, I only made him about three years ago, but I feel like I've had him forever I literally love him so much. He also has a cat like Grech, his cat is a syphnx named Sage and she is wonderful.

I could talk about Carter for hours, I have so many feelings about every version of him I've written, he just fills me with feelings. He was meant to be a temporary throwaway character that only showed up for a bit but he just instantly stole my heart and I haven't stopped loving him since.

In the interest of time however let's move on to Damien

Damien, similar to Carter, was actually meant to be a throwaway villain character and then I, you guessed it, got fucking attACHED-

His first appearance had him dramatically draping himself across a chair in a dramatic entrance and he's ruled my life and my RP partner's life ever since

(Aforementioned dramatic chair sitting)

Damien is very much so the 'I don't care about anything except oops now I care about you' trope, he has trouble being emotionally open but he's so sweet once he does open up. He shows his affection through things like gift giving and acts of service and he's really tender and just... an absolute hopeless romantic. Simp. Dumb pining gay.

I just... I love playing Damien so much. He's so fun and dramatic and pretty, I love thinking about him and his motivations and just aaaaaaa he's a good fucking boy dude

Then we have the apple of my eye Jared!

Jared is an absolute sweetheart, just a bouncy lil fella, filled with warmth and also trauma because all of my characters are sad akdfjnaksjd. Jared is just!! Always doing his fucking best man, he wants the best for people. He tries to be really optimistic and like, sunshine-y, even when he's not feeling that way, and he tries to be really caring. He also represses allllll of his anger which is like... y'know... not great.....

But he's fine, probably.

He's actually the only one out of these characters that only has one consistent love interest (My rp partner's character Isaac, who I'd die for) and they are um....... fucking precious I love them so much.

P much all of these characters are ADHD/Autistic bc,, I play them but Jared was the first that I intentionally played that way and as such has consistent hyperfixations and special interests (Namely Tangled, Mulan, Fall out boy, and most of all, spiderman) so I really love that about him.

And, last, but definitely not least, is the chaos son himself Seth

(tungle will only let me use ten photos and I don't like his character sheet anyway so only outfit ref for him akjsdfasdj. As a quick rundown, his full name is Seth Laurens, he's 4'11, he's trans and gay, he's got adhd, autism, and ptsd, and he is a bastard)

Seth is probably the most recent out of any of these characters tbh? I only started getting really into him as a character over the past year or two but god... He's fucking fantastic. Pure chaos. ADHD embodiment.

Seth just has so much energy and rage and very little impulse control, he's constantly wrecking shop and not even meaning too. He's a tiny 4'11 himbo, not a fucking braincell in his lil head. He's very awkward and bad at making relationships but he tries so hard and once he does he latches on so hard to people and just loves them so much. He doesn't really think he's worthy of being cared about most of the time tho

He still has plenty of, sometimes unearned, confidence though. Nothing can stop this stubborn boy once he puts his mind to somethin he's fucking GOING. I love him.

But yeah!! Those are my boys!!! If you wanna learn more abt em I've got a lot more information and stuff on their toyhouses bc I have a,, hyperfixation on my ocs and I can never stop thinking about them. Thank you so much for letting me ramble a bit Tea!!! I really appreciate it ssfdiasask

#ocs #talesfromthebandgeekmafia #asks #it me #this probably isnt the most coherent my brains not working with me but i really wanted to ramble abt my kids sjddmfnena #thank u sm for giving me the opportunity to do so 🥺❤

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ambitionsource · 3 years

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Who in the a class is in some kind of therapy?

what a question LMAO. but honestly, a very fair one indeed. while discussing this, es and i ended up basically dividing it into three groups (if someone isn’t mentioned, it just means none apply)

Is In Therapy Currently

Isadora || as we know from the canon of S3, isa is currently in therapy to work through the grief of valerie dying as well as like... the built up abandonment issues, anxiety, and struggles she has articulating or processing emotions lmao. it also helps her learn better methods to work with her autism

Farkle || i mean... we all watched S1 & 2. we know why he’s there LMAO and by god does he need it. it’s good that he’s improving though!!

Chai || she officially started therapy after the events of S1 while she was abroad because evidently her parents divorce really fucked with her emotional state and coping mechanisms -- as well as having sort of emotionally distant parents and having to navigate the world on her own. basically, money =/= nurturing. but yeah i think she realized what she did with tormenting her classmates wasn’t Healthy perhaps and so she sought out the resources to fix it on her own. her parents certainly weren’t going to be much help

Clarissa || clarissa has been in and out of therapy here and there since she was little, mainly for managing OCD. usually she’s fine and her appointments are infrequent (monthly at this current rate), but she tends to go back to her therapist when circumstances get very stressful, like the events of S2 (she mentions going back to therapy in a scene with charlie and haley in 210)

Not In Therapy Currently, but Has Before

Riley || though not by choice, riley went to therapy for a stretch of time in the aftermath of her bullying experience freshman year. by the start of S1, though, she’s on the tail-end of it after a whole summer full of it. she also had stints in family therapy when she was little when cory and topie were having their first bouts of marriage problems, but she doesn’t remember all that obviously. she’s thought about going back for herself because of all the divorce strain, but ultimately opted against it bc she didn’t want to go through cory or topanga. she mainly sticks to talking to eric if things get too overwhelming and using the coping mechanisms she already has

Darby || miss darbs spent some time in therapy in late elementary school due to having issues socializing with her peers. i think she’s always been a bit awkward and desperate to please, so that can get messy with kids cause kids are mean. she was also definitely bullied at that age for being really tall and so i think her parents put her therapy out of genuine concern just with the hopes that like, she’d be able to develop some coping mechanisms and have a safe space to get advice if they didn’t have the answers. and in some ways it helped, other ways no -- her friendships aren’t the healthiest still (as she’s the doormat), but i think she holds her own BETTER with the plastics having gone to therapy than if she never developed those emotional tools at all

Has Not / Is Not but Really Fucking Should Be in Therapy

LUCAS || this is like the most obvious blinking lights sirens wailing example ever. he is a walking textbook for endorsing therapy. between the domestic abuse, mommy and daddy issues, self-esteem in the subbasement, lack of life purpose, inability to read others well emotionally, inability to process his own emotions, the physical aversion due to his trauma, his kleptomania, his risk-taking behavior, his habit of lying, the fact that he has canonically walked off for days at a time with no warning, explanation, or safety net, that he sleeps in a fucking technician’s booth, he used to free-climb buildings SOMETIMES IN THE RAIN, no sense of self-preservation, intrusive thoughts, inability to express appreciation or affection in a normal non-stressful way...... this man is a therapist’s dream and nightmare. they could spend YEARS unpacking him. but will he ever go to therapy? no. because he a) doesn’t think he needs it, b) can’t ask for help ever, and c) could never afford it. and at this point, d) if his dad heard he was seeking help like that he would shut it down instantly. anyway, he’s the biggest case here. underline him in red

Charlie || charlie is a great example of someone who is like coping... sort of... not really... it Looks like they’re coping but they aren’t really and they really need help. like yes, charlie has stability in certain areas of his life that others don’t, and he’s extremely self-aware of his privileges, but i think that’s part of the problem. he’s convinced himself he doesn’t need or shouldn’t get external help because there are people who have it so much worse than him and he doesn’t... he doesn’t really need it, does he? he’s fine. he’ll be fine. and even if he did think about getting “help,” i think his first instinct -- and advice from others -- would be to go to his church leadership, which is not a suggestion made with ill will but just isn’t helpful considering half of his trauma is tied to his relationship with god and the church and faith. he needs a more objective space to unpack all of that, and obviously church itself is not the answer. i think that charlie will be able to work through a lot of his initial issues on his own with time and patience with himself (something we’re in the thick of right now -- we’re just barely in the acceptance phase), but he should really go to therapy in the future just to like... work through all of the long-term trauma he endured from his upbringing and bridgette’s exile and the dueling psychology of church vs sexuality. like... that’s gonna take some time to unravel and he needs to be in the right place to pursue that on his own. will he, i dont know, but i think when he does a certain heaviness he’s been carrying his entire life will finally like... lift. and he’ll be able to breathe better

Asher || so asher is a bit of a clusterfuck LMAO like he’s diagnosed officially with generalized anxiety disorder but he never saw a specialist, his mom diagnosed him since she’s a psychologist. the complexity here is that because of that... well, they say you should never let family be your personal doctors and i think that’s true for mental health professionals too. like emily basically gave asher the generic coping rundown when he was really young, and then he went on to develop his own coping mechanisms with, at least, a very fundamental understanding of what’s wrong with him. but he kind of developed his own complex about it all too, bc i think emily took pride in him being able to figure it all out and be so capable with his own mental health without ever going to therapy and he kind of internalized that, as well as having internalized a lot his mom’s perspectives and opinions as a mental health professional in a way that its like... well my MOM said that, so i feel kind of some type of way about it. so its all really complicated and twisted in his head and he just doesnt bother to unpack it (something, ironically, therapy would probably help lol). the thing about asher is that for all intents and purposes, he does cope well and he is really in tune with his own mental state. it’s just that he could seriously benefit from having an objective party help him untangle some of his neuroses i think and it would take some of the constant stress off his shoulders, but he’s honestly too stuck in his ways at this point to go. that being said, he’s a vocal advocate for therapy and its benefits -- just not for himself

Nigel || as discussed a bit in the ask i answered about him, i just think nigel carries way too much pressure on himself and he could benefit from someone helping him work through things instead of carrying all his stress on his own -- even if its less complex than some others. he’s like same range as clarissa.

Maya || maya has no issue with self-esteem, but i think she could still benefit from someone helping her actually unpack her issues over her dad and why she is the way she is. a therapist who specializes in narcissism would be a good fit for her -- not because she is one, but she does have... certain quirks where i think having that specialization can help unravel her motivations and actions a little more easily

Missy || she’s just a fucking mess. she shouldn’t be redeemed but i think therapy could really do her a favor and maybe make her less terrible and psychopathic towards people who aren’t like her. maybe

-- Maggie & Es

#a class #answered #Anonymous #ask and you shall receive

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okaybutlikeimagine · 5 years

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Max getting jealous of Billy's and El's relationship cause she got the big brothers always wanted right off the bat while max suffered with douchebag billy for years. Angst ensues, naturally.

Yes. yes. And YES. (I hope you don’t mind that I mixed these two!!)

Okay i have so many thoughts about this and w/ every little thing i write that includes Billy and El i think about what it must do to Max. bc i love Max and I wanna give her hugs and ohmygod guys MAX.

(And i should probably preface this by saying I haven’t read Runaway Max so i don’t necessarily know what’s canon but also i’ve been melting canon down to what i want it to be so i guess this won’t be very different from what I normally do, huh??)

Anyway i talked about it in the ask prior to this but I Highly Believe that Billy and Max’s relationship pre-move-out-mayhem was bitchy at most. Like I think they were snarky and a little rude to each other but they were still supportive. Bc they lived in a house w/ a man who got mad so frequently. and i don’t think Neil ever touched or ever will touch Max (i have extended thoughts on this but we don’t have to get into it here, i’ll just leave it at the gist) but Max knows something is wrong. Sees the bruises on Billy’s face and hears the yelling and the harsh sounds and harsher words. Never ever talks about it bc Billy always barks at her if she tries. But she’ll let him have the last popsicle he loves so much or she’ll let him take as much time as he wants fixing his hair in the bathroom in the morning or just any little thing that makes something even a little better. Bc she’s still a kid at this point, there’s not a lot she can do, but she can do little things like that.

And i headcanon Billy as having been a brat but still doing things for her. Like when he has to babysit her and he’ll take her down to the boardwalk and buy her an ice cream but he’s like: “Don’t get used to it.” as if he didn’t just do something super nice. He does her hair for her bc as a kid she was Helpless at putting her hair up and so he started helping her and just never stopped. Did her hair for her bc it was easier than sitting down to teach her. Cooks dinners for her or even w/ her when Neil and Susan are out to dinner or out of town or whatever. Drives her to school every day when he gets a car and they argue over music but really she kind of likes his music, even though she’d never tell him. She gets into some of the bands he likes and steals a couple of the band shirts he lifted from stores when they get too small for him. He teaches her how to skate and even gives her his board when he gets his car. She’s ecstatic about it and he brushes it off by pulling at her hair and saying: “Whatever, dipshit, now I won’t have to drive you to the candy store or wherever it is you go.”

She punches his arm.

He chuckles and kicks at her heel lightly as they walk.

They just… they’re brats but they’re SIBLINGS. And yeah they’re half siblings but Billy is adamant in S2 about the fact that they’re family. That boy loves Max and Max loves Billy bc they grew up w/ each other and faced so much shit together.

But right before the move… and during the move… and after the move…

Billy gets so rough. He’s angry all the time. Stops doing her hair and yells at her when she asks. Laughs when she tries and fails to the point where she just leaves her hair down and unbrushed bc it’s just easier. He’s on edge all the time and takes it out on her and he vaguely sees himself doing it but he’s red and angry and uncaring bc fuck this fuck all of this.

He blames everything he sees bc it’s easy and facing the reality of his whole situation is hard and he’s just tired. Wants to be given a break but he hasn’t been given a break for years now so he’s absolutely exhausted. He kicks and punches walls and he slams his door in Max’s face when she asks him a question and he shuts himself away bc it’s easier to do that than face anything and it’s bad. But Billy isn’t sure what qualifies as bad and good anymore, he just knows what hurts and what doesn’t and everything hurts but hiding almost makes it feel like it doesn’t. He used to not mind being his sister’s keeper but now he fucking has to babysit her goddamn 24/7 and he’s in a new town where he knows NOBODY and he can’t be open here bc it’s in the fucking midwest and he’s just angry and hurt and so damn fearful so he gets mad. Stressed. Takes it out on everything and everyone and Max.

So Max loses her brother.

She loses him mentally and emotionally and then she loses him physically.

Bc Hop finds out, and he adopts Billy, and then Billy’s gone. But Billy makes it very clear to her once he’s gone that “If anything and I mean absolutely anything happens with Neil, you tell me straight away. Got it? I’m living with the goddamn Chief of Police now, we’ll get that guy in jail so fast I swear.”

Max just nods.

But nothing ever happens. Neil is kind of a dick but he doesn’t get as angry. He’s strict but not physical. It makes Max angry though bc she hates the thought that it was just Billy that made him so horrible. She doesn’t wanna believe it. Sure this man gave her her brother but she hates him for pushing him away.

And Max loves El. She really does. She loves El to the moon and back, hanging out with her is an absolute blast, having a friend who’s a girl feels like a godsend sometimes bc boys are stupid and girls are soft and pretty and lovely.

And she tries real hard not to be jealous of El. She really really does. And she tries real hard not to get mad at Billy either, really. It’s just that…

It sucks. And it hurts. Bc Billy is so calm with El. He’s so brotherly and caring and good with her. He takes her to ice cream and does her hair and jokes around with her. He lets her brush his hair and he buys cookies and stuff for her and they have little inside jokes now. He’s soft and gentle with her. He shows her new music and he hugs her all the fucking time and wow it sucks.

Because Max had to deal with all of it before it became this. Saw all of Billy’s pain and felt pain in her heart over it and then saw through Billy giving her pain and felt physical pain over that and then saw him leave and now feels emotional pain over the fact that she doesn’t get him anymore.

And he still drives her to school everyday. He still drives her around when she asks, even if he bitches about it. He shows her new music and he willingly hands over his too small band shirts. He’s still a protective little shit over her. He hangs out with her and messes around w/ her when she goes over to visit El.

But the thing is… El gets to keep him… and Max has to go home to no one.

And Max likes her mom. Would never wanna leave her mom. Her mom is the one thing that keeps her grounded to her previous life- her life even before Billy. Dealing with dickish Neil is sometimes worth it bc she still has her mom.

But her mom isn’t really home all that much. And even when she is, hanging out with her isn’t as cool or fun; sometimes it’s kind of draining. She just wants her brother back.

And Max is a goddamn firecracker too. Just like her brother. She’s hotheaded and straightforward and she just gets so frustrated bc whatthefuck. But she doesn’t wanna lash out at El bc it’s not El’s fault and she doesn’t really wanna lash out at Billy bc she’s happy he’s happy now but goddamnit she had to deal with all of the trauma and now El gets him at his best without the worst and she’s just pissed.

So sometimes she’ll get fed up. She’ll come over to hang out and she hears Billy and El making their own little inside jokes and watches Billy pick El up and swing her around while El giggles and sees Billy helping El read things like titles to movies or cereal boxes or ice cream cartons and Max’s face will get red and she’ll storm out of the cabin grumbling about skating home.

And Billy doesn’t like that, doesn’t really want her skating home from here, so he follows her out, leaving El inside, shouting: “Wait up, Max, I’ll drive you.”

“Don’t bother.”

“Quit being a brat, you shouldn’t be skating that far this late.”

“Me skating home never worried you before.”

“Cut it out, I just don’t want anything happening to you-”

And Max turns, face red, hair in flames around her head as it whips around her and she yells: “You’re not my brother anymore!”

And Billy is seriously taken aback. Bc to him he never stopped being her brother but here Max is, angry and spitting in his direction with her anger, gripping her board tight and her nose crunching up in that way he almost forgot about.

Max huffs.

“Just go have fun with your new sister.”

Billy’s chest flares up.

“Fine, shitbird!”

Max gets on her board and shoots a middle finger up behind her as she skates away. Billy slams the door when he heads back inside.

And they make up real fast. A few days later El wants to see Max to go shopping and there’s no one to drive them but Billy. So they’re a little pissy with each other but Billy gets them a couple of sodas and Max hip checks him a few times so he knows they’re cool again.

But there’s still that tense feeling in her chest. That sick feeling in her throat. That pounding in her head as El tries on a bunch of shirts and Billy jokes around with El and ruffles her hair and pokes her forehead.

She watches them interact and it presses at her chest too hard so she forces herself to speak. She needs it off her chest she needs it gone.

“Billy?”

“Mm?” He grunts out.

“Do you… like El more than me?”

And god something about it cracks Billy’s heart. Bc he loves Max, he really does. He’s done so much in his life to protect her and help her and teach her. They grew up for years together. They’ve been through too much shit for him to not love her. and he’s never seen her so self conscious before.

There’s a long pause of them sitting there, Billy’s head spinning a bit, before he looks to her and takes a dramatic sigh.

“You know… to be honest… I hate all of you runts just about the same.”

He chuckles when she punches him. “I’m being serious!”

“So am I! You big group of nerds leech all my money,” Billy begins counting the list on his fingers, “make me your personal driver, keep me from fucking my boyfrie-”

“Shut up! God you’re so grody!” Max shoves at his shoulder.

“Grody? Excuse me Max, grody? Who are you?”

She shoves him again and sighs. Billy watches her.

“What’s got you so worked up, brat?”

Max grumbles, nose scrunching up before she gives an angry huff.

“I hate this. I don’t want to hate it but… you’re supposed to be my brother.” She’s angry, face turning red but there’s almost tears in her eyes and Billy hates seeing them there. “And El gets you when you’re nice.” she tilts her head back against the wall and looks up to the ceiling. “I bet she doesn’t even know how much of a dick you can be.”

Billy chuckles.

“I’d beg to differ. I’m still being a dick.”

“Doubt it.”

“Seriously, Max. You know me, I was born a jerk.”

“Were not.” she mumbles. He flicks her ear in response.

She yelps. “Hey! Jerk!”

“See?” Billy laughs and lightly shoves her shoulder. “Quit worrying about it. I’m serious. Yeah El gets me now that I’m in a good spot but you understand me, y’know? We get each other. Or whatever.”

Max rolls her eyes but seems pretty pleased with the answer. Billy gives a satisfied grin before folding his hands behind his head and leaning back.

“Besides…” he drawls. “It’s no secret that Will is my actual favorite.”

Max punches his side and Billy makes a pained noise over his chuckle.

“See? Will wouldn’t hit me!”

Max rolls her eyes again but she’s smiling. She’s glad Billy still thinks of himself as her brother bc she doesn’t want him to go away. She lost him once and doesn’t wanna lose him again.

And yeah it still kinda sucks… but she likes the relationship she has with Billy. Plus, after their little talk Billy starts being overly nice to the point where it’s clearly a joke. He grabs the sides of her head and gives a big, dramatic kiss to the top of it. He scoops her up into bone crushing hugs. He holds doors open for her and acts real dumb about it and starts calling her things like “Sister dear” to the point where Max just says: “Cut it out you’re being annoying. Just go back to being a jerk.”

He laughs and punches her shoulder lightly.

“You got it, shitbird.”

473 notes · View notes

meibemeibelline · 4 years

Text

part 3 (FINAL) of highlights from that 32k word doc i wrote when i marathoned gazette songs (2012-2018)

PART 1 | PART 2

once again:

This is a combo of thoughts on music, lyrics and other random things I wrote while listening. Not every song will be featured, sorry.

I sometimes directly quote translations and when I do, I’ll specify whose it was. Here are the masterposts of lyrics by Heresiarchy , Defective Tragedy and Trauma Radio

I will write song titles for which there are warnings in bold and all caps

So this part will be a bit different because mental health and The Band became really prominent themes in their music in a way it wasn’t really before, so rather than simply writing about songs as they come, I do (attempt to) connect some dots between songs and albums

Also this is REALLY LONG (~5k words)

If you read any of these posts, thank you <3

CONTENT WARNINGS: murder (In Blossom), reference to abuse (In Blossom), suicide/suicidal thoughts (Kagefumi, Deux/Blemish), reference to PTSD (Incubus). Overall LOTS of discussions about mental health.

buckle up folks it’s gonna be a long one

So I listened to Division according to the limited edition version where the songs got split into the ‘story-like songs’ and the ‘hype songs’. Just while we’re on that, I like to think that Vein is the story part because these songs (the blood) are meant to go TO our hearts, while Artery, which is the ‘raw emotion’, is the heart doing the talking and supplying the oxygen that will do its thing. LIKE HEADBANGING.

“Ibitsu is not the first song they’ve written about changes in the music industry, but it’s quite different from others like 13Stairs[-]1 and Dim Scene. They were quite angry about the state of things, lamenting it. But here, Ruki is writing his and the band’s place in all of that. It’s like in the other two songs he’s like, “wow look at all this rubble. This sucks.” But in Ibitsu he’s writing about how he’s also in that rubble and thinks about what HE feels about it in relation to himself and the GazettE. And I find that quite interesting. Also hell YES imagery – skies as ideals, the world around them collapsing into ruin, the band as a flower amidst the rubble that can’t reach the sky. It sounds like he’s trying to navigate how he’s supposed to move forward when his ideals and what’s happening in the industry oppose each other quite a lot. He doesn’t reach an answer in this song and ends by asking whether it is actually in ruins or whether he’s just afraid of change, I think.” - interestingly, he uses this same imagery in Kuroku Sunda Sora to Zangai to Katahane to write about anxiety and not feeling good enough.

Quick disclaimer on KAGEFUMI: I do want to say first that I’m talking about this purely as a piece of art. Not as in, like, “this is peak romance”, but just as an artwork I can have Opinions™ about, even if they’re possibly in disagreement with that of the creator. “The shadow tag metaphor for a couple committing double suicide meaning that they’re ‘becoming one’ and being together in death is A Lot. There’s an incredibly strong belief in an afterlife where they can be together makes (what Ruki describes) this stronger bond between them that literally lasts or even transcends the boundaries between life and death, rather than a tragic end (unlike Tokyo Shinjuu). Musically, I love this song and think it’s gorgeous, the way it’s sad yet hopeful. We over here with that bittersweet stuff again but lyrically it’s a WILDLY different route than others before it.”

“Yoin is such a heavy end to disc 1. The ending lines, “The sea of loss / Understanding of helplessness / That day we grieved” about the Tohoku earthquake/tsunami and the nuclear disaster is just so ……. And not only that, but how even though people still struggle to survive, people are moving on like it’s a thing of the past. It’s SO heavy.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

“I think [Derangement] is about a massive internal struggle between wanting longing for the past, knowing it won’t come back, but also wanting to destroy the past out of self-hatred. There are aspects of the past, perhaps ambition and drive for example, that are good, but other parts that are not. It’s almost like a continuation of Remember the Urge but like…angrier and with more hatred towards his own past rather than only the longing of it. Which is also really interesting.” – this is definitely one of the themes that comes up A LOT from now, ESPECIALLY in Ninth. We’ll get to that.

“IS KAI GOOD??? That man is NOT human. I swear to god his drums in Required Malfunction are INSANE. ANYWAY, this song is about how people cannot be perfect and we all have flaws, especially in the context of relationships. I like that even though people argue and butt heads sometimes, there’s that Japanese verse where he sings “Let’s send a song without stains / to that innocence without lies / so you can swallow those wounds” and the last lines “Because you are always here, I can advance” to mean like…them being together can ultimately make them better and it can be a good relationship (if they work on it, imo). Also, I love the language he uses here – viruses and malfunctions and inputs – a very non-human way to write about human relationships.” (Cr: Trauma Radio)

(Dripping Insanity) “Solitude drenched in red laughs / in the insanity dripping in silence” is SUCH a good line yes hello I appreciate this. (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“EYYY HAVEN’T HEARD FORBIDDEN BEAVER IN FOREVER. At first I was wondering if this might be judgmental but honestly? I think this is satirical, especially from the line “May the truth you spew on taboos going frantically around / Shred the rhythm of high society”. Like the fact they’re gossiping about a famous woman who has a lot of sex and just TARNISHING her name bc of it, to Ruki, is a load of bullshit. Also, some of the lyrics in the chorus are funny coming from Ruki – “She has a sex addiction / Bang! Bang! / Cute luv machine” – like he does NOT ever write like this and this song is just a huge satirical joke I’m YELLING.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“The transition from Malformed Box to Inside Beast >>>>”

“[Inside Beast] is definitely about having a ‘beast’ inside you that’s like all your demons and ugly feelings and to let them all out. He wrote about demons in Derangement, but the way he writes about acceptance is like…empowering and freeing. Not necessarily through words but through the music and just how hard this song slaps.”

“I really love the lyrics of [Until it Burns Out] and its whole thing about valuing the time they have as a band and to be together making music precisely because it’s going to end someday, and it’s going to be their last shot at living their dreams, which is to make music and perform TOGETHER as the GazettE. Like that’s so meaningful, and powerful in the way they just…grab it by the fucking throat. Breaking down the walls that hold them back, TOGETHER, towards the future in which they see their dreams. Like they’re not letting this be the end. They won’t allow it. UGH. UGHHH. The middle eight is so beautiful and I love the lines “The light that colours this irreplaceable scenery / burns the significance of standing here into me / Until the last” like they just love performing SO MUCH UGGGHHH FEELINGS”. (Cr: Trauma Radio)

“[REDO] IS SO GODDAMN SENTIMENTAL I’M IN MY FEELINGSSSSS. Kai being the composer, I can’t help but feel this is him paying homage to jazz, which is the music his mother plays and he loves her so so much. I’m probably reaching but THAT’S JUST HOW I FEEL.”

“EVERBODY SHUT UPPPP IT’S LAST HEAVEN TIMEEEE. It’s so gd gorgeous and sweet. I’M GETTING REALLY EMO WHAT THE FUCKKKK. BRUH. BRUUUUHHH. THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL //THROWS. SHUT UPPPP. TOO MANY SKY, STAR AND FOREVER REFERENCES FOR THIS TO BE OKAY BITCH. This is Ruki’s love song to the cosmos, wishing to be eternal like the stars but acknowledging that all he can do is chase it knowing his life will end, BUT THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TO GRIEVE BECAUSE THEY WILL MEET AGAIN IN THE AFTERLIFE BECAUSE IN SOME WAY WE /ARE/ ETERNAL. IT’S LOVING AND INNOCENT AND WISTFUL. This song is the goddess to all the GazettE love songs. THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK. “The distant sky, this infinite moment / I now wish from the visible stars / in this youthful merry-go-round / that continues to turn endlessly / I want to be eternal like you” – is just…such a beautiful image. “Let’s stay like this, having dreams we cannot reach / Long road which leads to the calm hill / I go, leaving my sadness behind / Good night…my beloved / Last heaven of mine” – it’s yearning but it’s the yearning for LIFE. And to leave behind sadness…Ruki very rarely writes about pain like this. And to call the ‘beloved’ his last heaven, the last thing in his life that’s just THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO HIM AND THE THING HE WANTS TO BE ETERNAL WITH goodbye………GOODBYE. “Love without shape changing day by day / Close together / we become / one shooting star” – AAAHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. Also, for him to say ‘memento mori’ which means “Remember, you must die” in the middle eight of a song about wanting to be eternal just gives the entire sentiment a new meaning ;-;” (Cr: Trauma Radio)

“There’s a particular sound to Division and Beautiful Deformity (but more in BD). It sounds like rushing water. Loss in particular sounds like this. Like, the sound isn’t just ‘dark’ and ‘heavy’, it moves A LOT and there is sooo much emotionality in the songs on this album. It’s really dynamic.”

“The Stupid Tiny Insect revisits the theme of inner demons. Specifically, in this song it sounds like negative internal self-talk. It’s interesting though, the way that Ruki writes it as an entirely separate being to how he writes inner demons and whatnot in other songs, where it’s either another entity within a person that is part of them OR just…themselves. Here, they are VERY separate, and that probably allows him to feel and express rage instead of helplessness or confusion. I also love the reference to pretending to be okay – “I get high on delusion / And act as if I made them die out / ‘Just like a summer moth to a flame”.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“IN BLOSSOM is pretty fucking brilliant lyrically imo. It reminds me a lot of 32 Koukei no Pistol in that a protagonist who was abused/neglected by the parents kills them, and in the latter’s case only, also themselves. Some other differences: In Blossom is WAY angrier (and a lot more loaded) and the protagonist is trying to ‘make their own life’ (even if the way they choose to do that DOESN’T WORK), whereas the narrator in 32 Calibre Pistol was mostly lamenting that they’ve ‘lost their way’ and deep-down were wishing for their family to be happy together. I can’t say WHY that is. But it’s interesting that in In Blossom, the abuse just…DESTROYED their concept of family that they used to believe in entirely, and the fact they cannot separate themselves from their abusers neither by dying nor killing them is A Lot. So, they try to free themselves and ‘get hope’ by killing their abusers as revenge (“Die away, along with these wounds I’d counted”), but it doesn’t bring them happiness or heal them (“Even if I slash so much it’s unparalleled by the wounds I’d counted, it still starts to ache / It doesn’t even fight off the decay, much less heal me”). It’s very much saying that despite pain, revenge is not the answer. I also love the line “They adorn vividly – have blossomed beautifully / The sun that has started to set makes sure of it” to describe the wounds as the narrator kills their abusers and their loss of sanity as they do so.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“To Dazzling Darkness is about that moment when a concert is over and the lights start to come on. It’s so gorgeous. This is sort of like, the other side of Until it Burns Out. If UIBO is about the band then TDD is about the fans, and the band’s place in the world. I love the imagery in the first verse – darkness is usually associated with bad things, but here darkness is peace, escapism and unity that are part of the happiness of a concert, while the light symbolises the continuation of life. The scenery here is the same scenery in UIBO, which is the scenery of a concert that this band cherishes. There’s also the acknowledgement that time is fleeting and nothing is forever. Like, this is really the other side of the coin and I love it.”

“Dogma defines their new (2015) sound so well, which is HEAVY AND DIRTY AS FUCK. Like, it is SO conceptual and experimental and the painting is just GORGEOUS. I love the harpsichord in this song – as the predecessor of the piano, it was used in a lot of churches and religious music in the Baroque period (1600-1750ish), so using it here in a song where the band is likened to idols (the religious type) is super cool. And to combine it with these really low and heavy guitars just gives the DARKEST image.

And there’s so much going on in the lyrics – MANY MOTIFS, MANY MEANINGS. They bring back the concept of darkness as a symbol for escape from harsh life and of unity during concerts. As for death, Reita has an iconic quote where he said something along the lines of: “we often say in lives ‘to die’, but what we actually mean is to live. Live and be free”. I see death for GazettE as a kind of transformation – and end, yet also a beginning to become something or someone new.

Ruki hasn’t really mentioned god since Ogre in Dim, in which he basically wrote “idk if God exists but I don’t really care – all I need is me”. But here he likens the band to an idol of worship. We as the fans worship the GazettE, and they are also gods to us, their followers, in the sense that they provide us with life and unity (referred to here as death and darkness, respectively). The GazettE as a band brings darkness and death to the world (with their own meanings, of course).

This is also a song about the band breaking away from current gods and dogmas of the music industry, and from its greed. I also love the line, “The rite I must face is cloaked in darkness and isolation” – this process of their journey to finding their truth is lonely, and no one but them can do it for themselves. To do so also isolates them from everything they once knew. It’s them navigating what is expected of them by the masses and those they work with vs doing what they want without getting shunned for it.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

“DAWN IS ABOUT REDISCOVERING THEMSELVES. I love the number of metaphors he brings back in this song – 13 stairs, death, merry-go-rounds and again dogma. Death here is about the transformation of them as a band, which occurs at the top of the 13 stairs to the gallows. And I find that so interesting because he uses the image of gallows (eg: 13 Stairs[-]1 and Forbidden Beaver) as like…an actual Death that means the end of a genre or a person’s reputation, but here it’s a place of transformation. In Last Heaven, the merry-go-round is a symbol of life – it comes back here but this time it’s red instead of blue (youthful) and is paired with the image of a mad banquet with emotions running wild (ie concerts). Basically, this is about the band’s life and, like, their life being about concerts. My favourite part is “Overcoming a period of confusion, I took those stirring emotions / And hung them up high on the 13 stairs” because there’s also the line “I’ve already had a lethal dose of misfortune / The ruined gallows towers above me” -> WE WENT THROUGH SOME SHIT BUT WE FOUND OURSELVES AND SURPRISE BITCH, BET YOU THOUGHT YOU’D SEEN THE LAST OF ME.” (Cr1: Heresiarchy, Cr2: Defective Tragedy)

Not from my notes directly but I feel like the difference between Bizarre to Juuyonsai no Knife (ie the only two songs about Real juvenile criminals) is a REALLY good representation of how Ruki’s lyrics have changed over the years. He went from taking perspectives of people who perpetrators of violence (to write horror stories, imo, but also to generally Explore their minds through art) to making comments about society and how systems affect people in real life. Not to say he doesn’t write about killers anymore or that social commentary is NEW for him, but just…a big change in what’s PROMINENT.

“Interesting that Wasteland is next, which is about Justice on the Internet. I know Ruki has always been really critical of the internet and the kind of social processes that occur online (see: Nakigahara) and here it’s about morality and justice, but more importantly the way it’s about crowd mindsets and CONTROL. And he just summarises it SO WELL in the first verse: “The thousand eyes that can kill even God / Transform into rebels that lust for control / If the time comes when right and wrong disappear / It will all end with a blood-red moon”. There’s also the line “Innocence gives way to sinful judgment” ie the innocent go along with their ways or it’s the innocent (the weak, as he says later) that are scrutinised. And I think about this a lot considering…some other fandoms I’m in >.>” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

(INCUBUS) “The song is a lot of wondering what they did to deserve their trauma and how they want the dreams/nightmares to go away. I do like that at the end of the song they come to the conclusion that they cannot change what happened and decide “fuck the why”, accepting they didn’t deserve it. Even though the narrator is still stuck in the maze (of trauma), the letting go of asking why it happened is like, a really important step in healing. Because it’s the end of self-blame. So, I hope narrator can heal :( “

(DEUX) “My dumbass never realised this but the music of Deux itself has DUALITY. Metal with solo piano. IT REALLY TOOK ME FIVE YEARS TO REALISE THAT HUH. It’s about two conflicting selves (which to me sound more like intrusive thoughts, considering Blemish’s VERY LOUD “These days I’m better dead”) and the effect that has on like, your emotionality and how it leads to loneliness. His use of nightmares in this song is fascinating – the Japanese word he uses (sakayume) is like…a reverse dream, like if a child has a nightmare you tell them it’s a sakayume so it means what happened in their dream definitely won’t happen AND something good will happen instead. And this is something Ruki prays for.”

(Ominous) “The imagery is really dark in this – “A prayer crushed under wreckage / Reflects in your eyes as you start to fly / I see you in the sky thick with shadows / Spinning around with nightmares” – there’s a desperate attempt to fly and get better and do Well but still they’re surrounded by darkness and nightmares, unable to escape. “Don’t forget that a heart cannot die / Don’t forget that dreams aren’t predictions of the future” –There’s hopefulness in a heart not dying yet a very strong despair when he says dreams don’t predict the future, not even reverse dreams. “It steals away my still-unformed future, and whenever I step forth / I can’t see a thing in that shadowed sky / My screaming can’t save anything / when I’m killing myself with sadness” – oh that hurts, that hurts A LOT. He wants to fly but he can’t. This is just SO MUCH. And they didn’t even have an instrumental outro, IT JUST ENDS WITH ACCEPTANCE OF HOPELESSNESS AND DEPRESSION.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“The drums in Goddess uggghhh UGGGHHH. AND THE GUITAR TOOOOOO. Lyrically, this is really a mid-point between depression and healing. It’s A Lot. He writes about his suffering, wanting to make something of his mistakes and his sins and actually WANTING TO LIVE. But it’s so sad that in the end he still feels really helpless – the subtle changes between “I want to become the stars that fill the silence” vs “I can’t become the stars that fill the silence”. But I think that on some level he knows what the next step is. He wishes in the last two lines, “If only I could share my grief that can’t be put to words / If only I could face reality and live accepting my crippling despair”. THAT’S THE FIRST STEP!!!! THAT’S A STEP!!!! TO HEALING!!!! “These bleak thoughts are my sacrifice that will one day begin to thaw into a selfless, smiling heart” – this line is fucking LOADED. Like, he sacrifices his bleak thoughts by expressing them and by making art out of his pain in hopes that he will be able to acknowledge and accept his suffering and his pain as a means to heal, as a way of allowing him to have a selfless and smiling heart. Like, this is SO much of what his art is about and what it has been for SUCH a long time it makes me so emotional that this is what he’s saying about his own lyrics.” I realise too that the goddess is likely the same goddess from Blemish. I’m still unsure what to make of it because Blemish ends in Ruki writing he doesn’t wants to be reborn, and not abandoned. But here he ends with wanting to heal. Wanting to move on and live.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO UNDYING.

“WHEN HE BROUGHT BACK “SLEEP, COUNT ME DOWN AGAIN” >>> God, this song is so powerful. THERE ARE SO MANY CALL-BACKS TO DOGMA. I SHOULD’VE KNOWN THIS BUT STILL. BITCH WHAT THE FUCK. It’s a direct continuation of Ominous (“I won’t arise from this”). I think in this song he’s becoming that figure that is flying in Ominous, and the one that is surrounded by nightmares and shadows – the first verses are about how the future is drenched in misfortune yet we must continue to live (and suffer, but WE CAN AT LEAST BE A BIT HOPEFUL). Ruki says this YET HE IS STILL DREAMING, EVEN AS THE END COMES (“My heart starts to disappear along with the spirit of my words / And though it knew the end was near / It dreamt of things it shouldn’t want / And even now I am still—“). There’s also his mentions of sins again that he continues to drown in :( But overall, this song is really about living despite all the pain, which is really meaningful after Dogma ended on such a note of hopelessness. There’s so much power in this song.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“Vacant doesn’t necessarily sound like a romantic relationship breaking down as much as it is about making a mistake and being unable to fix it between you and someone else (or other people), even if Ruki said he wrote it with a band’s image in mind. But the gist is is that there is yet again a struggle within the self (“Self-condemnation distorts the answer / And I lose sight of what I should be / Because of those unconscious actions / I can’t even dream”). The line “In the pain of not being able to tie back the undone thread / The traces left by stopping time keep piling up” really got to me – being stuck in time and constantly wishing for something that was and being hurt by the fact it’s gone is something I personally relate to. But even as the narrator is stuck in time, their grip on the past is loosening – they are forgetting, memories fade, and they lose their strength (“Vacant, you are withering”).” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

(Faling) ““Together, embracing the same pain: it’s only temporary / Don’t forget that this is not the end / So come on, let’s open our eyes and fall / We just believe in ourselves to die / Sometimes it’s okay to be broken” THIS MEANS SO FUCKING MUCH AFTER THE AMOUNT OF TIMES RUKI ENDED DOGMA SONGS WITH HOPELESSNESS AND AT BEST “WE HAVE TO KEEP LIVING AND SUFFERING AND BEING IN PAIN” BUT IN FALLING, PAIN IS TEMPORARY. PAIN IS TEMPORARY. WE WILL HEAL, BITCH. WE WILL GET BETTER, BITCH.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

Can’t find my notes bc it’s somewhere else in my Tumblr drafts but basically: I consider Mortal, Utsusemi and Sono Kore wa Moroku like a Depression Trilogy™ in Ninth. Mortal is about depression, loneliness and loss but like, tying it to a singular person or event in which the narrator felt grief. Utsusemi is about loneliness and depression as well, AND RUKI USES THE CICADA SHELL METAPHOR, WHICH IS THE SAME AS CRUCIFY SORROW (ALSO ABOUT DEPRESSION, BUT SOMEONE ELSE’S). But then, Sono Koe wa Moroku is THE turning point and where he first mentions (in this album) and actual DESIRE to heal and like, ON HIS OWN. IT’S ABOUT BEING STRONG FOR HIMSELF AND THAT MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL. And as I mentioned before, Falling also ends on a hopeful note about sadness not lasting forever – it’s like he’s prefacing the album with the fact sadness IS temporary and that there IS a turning point.

“Babylon’s Taboo is interesting…so apparently Babylon is a figure of western imperialism and capitalism in the Rastafari movement (an afro-centric anti-capitalist and anti-imperialist movement from Jamaica). The narrator is COMPLETELY aware of the oppression and injustice that goes on around him but confesses to doing nothing. I interpreted this as complacency to violence, which Ruki has written about before. Also, he describes a starry sky (which I presume represents wealth and happiness) as a lie, and that they are actually black eyes that watch and look down upon you. In the context of anti-capitalism, my interpretation is that the ‘guaranteed fate’ he writes about is the life-long struggle to attain wealth and happiness – we are doomed to dedicate our lives to this, futilely, to no end. and there’s nothing we can do about it. Another line that stood out to me most is “all I need is sanity but uncertainty will do”. this, along with the rest of the song, implies that the narrator is PRETTY DAMN SURE that we’re all fucked so like....HAHA COOL.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

(Two of a Kind) Okay so…another motif I noticed in this album is an I and a You. And I know this sounds weird considering almost EVERY SINGLE GAZETTE SONG uses first and second pronouns, but mental health is SUCH a prominent, overarching theme in a way no album concept has been before, hence why I’m saying this. Two of a Kind is really solidifying this for me, but they appear in almost every song (but the You is known as ‘she’ in The Mortal). This pair are connected in an extremely emotionally intimate way. For one, they share pain and understand each other’s pain. Secondly, the narrator falls into depression after they’re gone. A part of me thinks it could be a past self and a current self, considering Ruki’s said this album involved the Most introspection from him and Falling writes about sins and past mistakes again. So, it could be a way of separating a past and current self – a past self that was perhaps lost, and made mistakes, but ultimately creates his current self.

But it could also be another person, as this You figure is also a source of light – someone Ruki shares his wounds with, in Two of a Kind. If it’s another person, it may also make sense that the depression and loneliness written about in The Mortal and Utsusemi is triggered by someone extremely close leaving him. Either way, it is this understanding and connection between the I and the You that also bring hope for the future and I REALLY love the way that hope is conveyed in the chorus of Two of a Kind. There’s so much light in it compared to the parts of the song where ruki calls himself filthy and ugly, and when he writes about negative feelings that never go away and bleed into this other person. but i think this other person understands it, and that’s why he can move on.

“Abhor God is a REALLY dark and heavy take on MOVING FORWARD. Like there’s so much rage in the way he writes about killing his lust, pride and anxiety and stringing up his nightmares in a noose, yet so much power in how he moves forward and sings victory with his music and his art. This is likely connected to Ninth Odd Smell and Uragiru Bero - where he writes about the band’s history and his imposter syndrome as an artist despite the band never going to die just because of that. He contrasts ‘too fast to live’ and ‘too young to die’ like, he’s really in a sort of purgatory where he’s constantly making too many mistakes to be happy but has too much to do for him to give up. So it’s here that he chooses to keep going no matter how weak the beat is. Imagery-wise this feels like.....continuing to live not because you have happiness to look forward to but just out of sheer willpower. Like it’s just so angry. Angry at the world, at yourself, but carrying that anger to try to be better and move forward.”

“And Unfinished is about the fans being his reasons to live and IT MAKES ME VERY EMOTIONAL THAT THIS IS HOW THE ALBUM ENDS!!!!!!! WITH HOPE!!!!! AND MOVING FORWARD!!!!! THEY LITERALLY ENDED THEIR ALBUM THAT’S ABOUT THEM ‘MAKING THEIR MARK ON THEIR WORLD’ WITH LIGHT AND HOPE AFTER LIKE TWO STRAIGHT ALBUMS OF /DEPRESSION/. EVERYBODY GO HOME WE LOVE HEALING IN THIS HOUSE.”

AND THAT’S THE END FOLKS!!!! if you made it here thank you so much for reading my ramblings and i appreciate u so so much <3 i hope you learned something new about the gazette’s music (i sure did - it’s why i went on this marathon in the first place!!) and again i have a list of posts i might write (which will definitely be shorter than these) so! yeah! anyway!! it’s past 11pm and i have no more brain cells. thanks again love ya have a good day/night <3 <3

#the gazette #gazetto #ruki #uruha #aoi #reita #the gazette kai #kai #the gazette ruki #the gazette uruha #the gazette aoi #the gazette reita #why am i tagging this #anyway i just want to say #i tried to stream bts' new song while putting this together #but i physically COULD NOT #the dissonance was too much #anw i love dynamite it's such a great serotonin boost haha <3

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alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer · 5 years

Text

Be Still

A/N: Happy almost grey’s day! i’m a slut for hurt/comfort so here’s some amelia-centric amelink & amelia & meredith hurt/comfort! this is a little Wild bc a week ago I hadn’t even seen 15b lmao but i think this relationship is so good for her, and i’m really excited to explore a bit more about her past bc while private practice showed a lot of her background, grey’s not so much!

I’m thinking about writing a few more scenes (namely some therapy & an ultrasound scene) so lmk if you want some more amelink hurt/comfort!

EDIT: I changed the title bc I’m a LOSER and I’ve been listening to the Killers a lot.

***

“If you ever feel you can't take it anymore Don't break character, you've got a lot of heart Is this real or just a dream? Rise up like the sun, labour till the work is done”

-The Killers

***

Link leaned in to kiss her as she swung away. So he thought this was a sexy kind of stop on the landing of the stairs and not an I'm-about-to-flip-your-life-upside-down kind of stop on the landing of the stairs. “What’s wrong?”

“Can we talk somewhere more private?”

"Bad private?"

"Pregnant, actually."

Link just stared back at her.

"So… can we go somewhere and talk?"

“Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, that’s a good idea.” They started up the stairs when Link’s pager started beeping. “Shit. I’m being paged.”

Amelia couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved. She knew this conversation needed to happen, but it was all beginning to feel a little too real. “That’s fine. We can talk later. Text me when you’re free.”

“Okay.” His gaze lingered on her a little bit too long. “We’ll talk later.”

They parted and Amelia tried not to think about anything that had just happened - talking to Carina, taking a pregnancy test, the interaction with Link. She drove back to Meredith’s house in a daze. This was not how she expected this day to go. She pushed all of the thoughts away because she felt like if she let them take hold, they would kill her. But she felt them creeping in anyways. By the time she reached the house, her eyes were red and puffy and her heart was racing.

Meredith saw her as soon as she opened the door. “Amelia? Are you okay?” Shit.

She tried to tell Mer that she was fine, but all that came were more tears. She ran up the stairs and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She crawled onto her knees and sat with her back against the bathroom counter. She dug her fingers into the bathmat, as if that could hold her to the present, but it was no use. She could feel herself slipping. She was nothing more than fear and the memories suffocating her. There was knocking at the door, and Meredith asking what was wrong, but she was too far away.

Suddenly, Meredith was on her knees beside her, with Amelia’s hands in hers.

“Amelia? You’re having a panic attack. Everything’s okay. Come on, stay with me. Stay here. Amelia, you’re okay. I know you’re scared, but I promise whatever’s happening, everything is going to be fine.” Slowly, she started returning to reality. She didn’t know when she’d started hyperventilating. Everything began to slow down and her sense of imminent doom vanished, but reality crashed back into her. She withdrew from Meredith and turned away, breaking into ugly sobs. Meredith pulled her back into her arms and held her as she cried. Once her crying had subsided, Meredith finally spoke. “I’m going to go make you some tea, okay? You can come down when you’re ready.”

Once Meredith was gone, Amelia wasn’t sure how much time she sat there, trying to pull herself together. Finally, she stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. She was a mess. She splashed some water on her face and tried to tidy her hair, but she still felt like a disaster. She took a deep breath and tried to hold herself together long enough to make it down to the kitchen.

Meredith was sitting at the island reading a magazine. Amelia silently sat down at the table. Meredith brought over the teapot and a couple of mugs and went to the closet and grabbed a blanket, offering it to Amelia. She pulled it over shoulders and tightly around her torso, trying to take comfort in the slight release from the pressure of it around her back as Meredith poured her a cup of tea.

Amelia slid her finger across the warm ceramic. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Not just for the tea, for-”

“I know.”

She took a small sip of her drink, but she still felt a little sick to her stomach. She hadn’t gotten morning sickness at all during her first pregnancy, so she was pretty sure her stomach was churning more from her anxiety levels than hormone levels. “Sorry, I know the last thing you want to do when you get back from community service is take care of more trash.”

“Amelia…”

“It was just a joke. Not a funny one, I guess.” She bit her lip. “I’m pregnant.”

Meredith’s eyes widened. “You’re sure?” Amelia nodded, not making eye contact. “Do you know how far along you are?”

She fiddled with the fray of the blanket, trying to distract herself just enough to maintain composure. “Ten weeks, I think. God, I completely skipped my period and I didn’t even realize. Then I went to Carina to talk about kinky stuff and she was all like ‘I noticed that you’re pregnant’ and I was like,” Amelia looked at Meredith miming wide-eyed shock. She retreated back into herself. “I don’t understand how this even happened.”

Meredith sighed. “Sometimes things just happen. Do you… Do you know what you want to do?”

Another wave of nausea arose in her throat. “I’ve been asking myself that for the past seven years,” she said quietly.

“Listen,” Meredith told her, “I don’t know what that means, but whatever you want to do, I’m here. And Link’s a great guy, I’m sure he’ll support whatever you decide. You’re not alone.”

Amelia’s lip quivered and another flood of tears started running down her cheeks.

“Is there something else going on that I don’t know about?” She nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Amelia was still for a moment. “Can I show you?” she asked softly. She was so emotionally exhausted. She nearly felt empty, and she knew what happened when she reached her emotional limits. And she knew she was going to need to have a similar conversation with Link later that night.

“Of course.”

Amelia led Meredith up to her room and instructed her to have a seat on the edge of the bed. She knelt down to her second from the bottom drawer and reached into the very back. She pulled out a wooden box, about the size of a breadbox. She sat down next to Meredith and carefully opened it, offering it to her. Inside, there was a small urn, a clear plastic bag containing a birth and death certificate, a small hospital blanket, and a tiny baby hat.

Meredith pulled out the certificates first. “Amelia…” she whispered.

“I never told Derek.”

“Who else knows?”

“Well, all of my friends from LA, obviously. Owen. Alex. You.”

“Alex?”

She shrugged. “He was just in the right place to cry to, I guess.”

Meredith gave her half of a smile. “Well, now I know why you never answered the phone when we were trying to reach you and your family about Derek after the plane crash.”

“Ha, yeah. I actually tried to call him a few days after… I think I just regretted not telling him and him not being there with me. He didn’t answer, obviously. I finally confronted Addie about it, and she just… she had this look on her face. She knew about the plane crash, but she didn’t want to tell me because she thought it would be too much. So, yeah. Guess that was a pretty shitty week for everyone.” She started to laugh, and Meredith joined her. She tried to stop herself, unsuccessfully. “Why are we laughing?”

“You’re the one who started it!”

“I think I ran out of tears!” The laughing subsided, and she plopped backwards onto the bed. A few moments later, she heard the box snap shut, and Meredith joined her.

“You know, this does explain a few things.”

Amelia turned to her. “Like what?”

“Well, you kind of spun out a little. After the pregnancy scare with Owen.”

“Yeah. It wasn’t just a little.”

“I was trying to be nice.” She paused. “Have you seen a therapist?” Amelia scoffed. “I’m serious. If you’re going to do this, or even if you’re not, you’re going to need someone to talk to who can actually help, not just laugh with you about shared traumas.”

Amelia exhaled. “I know.”

“That was easier than I thought.”

“Listen, I have plenty of self-awareness. That doesn’t mean I do anything about.”

Meredith sat up. “I’m making you an appointment. Send me your schedule.” Amelia groaned. “It’s really not that bad. And you get to talk as much as you want for an hour and no one can call you annoying for it.”

“Fine.”

“Listen, Amelia.” She paused. “I just want you to know… This could be a good thing, if you wanted it to be. I know it’s scary, and it’s not going to be easy, but I meant it. You’re not alone in this. You have people to support you. And you can’t let your past stop you from going after what you want. If this is what you want.” She stood up and started for the door, but stopped and turned. “And for the record, I think you are a great mother.”

***

Meet me at 8?

Sure.

Her heart-to-heart with Meredith was helpful, but she really needed to get out of that house for a couple of hours. Not that this conversation was much of an escape. She really had no idea what to expect. She texted him her location and waited. He seemed like he liked kids. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants his own, though. And he didn’t even know her history. All of the shit she’d done.

"Hey."

She snapped back to the present. "Hey."

Link sat down next to her. “So…”

“So,” she breathed. “This is basically, like, the exact opposite of taking things slow, but… I-” she took a steadying breath. “I want to do this with you. If you want to.”

He took her hand. “I want to. I want to do this with you, too.” She could tell there was a lot more he wanted to say, but he wasn’t sure where their boundaries were anymore. “I- I really like you. I like talking with you, and laughing with you, and just being around you. But I also know what it’s like to have parents who hate each other. I mean, a part of it was definitely the stress of me being sick, but their problems started before that. I knew that they never would have stayed together for as long if it hadn’t been for me. I would never want that for my child. So maybe we could just keep doing what we were doing? And we can try to figure out if we work, you know, together? Or if we should just, like, co-parent?”

Amelia smiled. “That sounds perfect.”

“On that note, I think we’ve reached the point in our relationship when I can invite you to sleep over at my place tonight?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Have we?”

“Just one night.”

“I have to be back here early tomorrow.”

“So we’ll have dinner and go to bed. Isn’t that what sleepovers are for?” he teased.

She elbowed him playfully and tried somewhat unsuccessfully to hold back a smile. “Fine. Just one night.”

He grinned. She liked making him grin. “Meet you at my place?”

“Sounds good.” She always kept a couple of changes of clothes and some toiletries in her car because she never knew when a 12 hour shift would become a 24 hour shift. They stood to start towards their cars, but something stopped her. “Wait!”

He turned towards her. “What?”

“There’s one more thing I need to tell you.” He stared at her expectantly as she took a deep breath. “Listen, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me. There’s a lot of shit that I’ve done and seen and been through that I-” She shrugged. “I just don’t really talk about. I mean, you got some of it from my sisters, but that’s just teenage Amelia. Adult Amelia… well, let’s just say teenage me has got nothing on the train wreck that is adult me.” She paused, trying to find the right words, attempting to navigate which details she wanted to share.

“You don’t have to-”

“No, I do. I want to. When I was living in LA, I relapsed. Not too long after I got out of rehab, I realized that I was pregnant.” Her voice was shaky, and she crossed her arms tightly across her torso to try to steady herself. “He had anencephaly. It’s a type of neural tube defect. He lived for about 43 minutes.” There were tears in her eyes. Fuck these damn hormones. “So, yeah. I mean, there’s like, statistically a slightly higher chance that this kid will have a neural tube defect, and if nothing else, I’m just going to be even more of a mess than usual, which shouldn’t even be possible. So you basically chose the worst possible person to accidentally have a kid with, but I guess it’s a little late for that now.”

He gently pulled her arms from across her chest and held her hands in his. “Amelia, there’s no one in the world I’d rather accidentally have a kid with. I think you’re probably the bravest, most badass person I’ve ever met. And you care about things - about people - with your whole heart. I know that that’s gotten you hurt in the past and it’s gotten you into messy relationships, but, I mean, I don’t know how many other people - former addict or not - that would meet a homeless teenage drug addict and their instinct would be to take them in. What I’m trying to say is there’s always going to be risk. But some things just have to be worth the risk, right?” She leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around her. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. I’m in this with you, no matter what.”

She blinked away her tears and withdrew from his arms.

“So… meet you at the apartment?”

She nodded.

***

A half an hour later, she was standing in Link’s closet-sized bathroom. He’d started cooking dinner, and she ducked out to change into something more comfortable. As she stared at herself in the mirror, she could see it: her boobs were definitely a bit bigger and her bra didn’t fit quite right anymore, although she was surprised that it was something that Carina noticed. Unless Carina liked to notice her chest.

She rubbed her hand over her bare tummy. It terrified her, thinking about the tiny little fetus inside of her. But her life was a lot different now than in her last pregnancy. She was sober. She was healthy. So was her partner. She closed her eyes and tried to visualize it: a healthy pregnancy, a healthy baby. The idea was way too far away from her for her to cling to it, but it seemed noticeably closer than it had been that morning in Carina’s office.

After eating and cleaning up, Amelia all but collapsed into Link’s bed. There’d been some kissing and flirting in the kitchen, but she didn’t have the energy for anything more. Neither of them did. It had been a long day. But lying there, under the covers in her boyfriend’s arms, she started to believe that maybe what Link had said to her weeks ago could be true: that maybe the worst had already happened for her, and that this could her good apple to balance out the rest.

#amelia shepherd #atticus lincoln #amelink #Meredith Grey #grey's anatomy #ga #grey's anatomy spoilers #hurt/comfort

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twinkleomorashi · 4 years

Text

Hey so in case anyone cares

These are my main OCs you’ll see me using! I have a ton of fics about these girls already so I thought I’d introduce you! Tumblr really lacks good women omo fics so I’m here to help! If you forget you can find them in the tag #refz!

Side note: they def have some magical girl thing going on but that only shows up in one of my fics, most of them that doesn’t come into play.

Preston Prescott

Age:19 (in high school, held back a year in elementary)

Sexuality: Lesbian

Appearance: Medium length black hair in literally the emo-ist haircut ever. Usually wears jeans and a band tee. Figure wise she’s pretty much a twig with a tiny bit of tummy happening. White

Height: 5’2”

Brief personality description: an absolute disaster. Clumsy. Pervy. Hates heights and scary movies but will deny that fact. Bottom af but a brat. Sarcastic and kind of obnoxious, but means well and would take a bullet for you any day. May or may not have a piss kink. Definitely has a piss kink who am I kidding. Horny on main but awkward about it.

Dylan Brooks

Age: 18

Sexuality: Lesbian

Appearance: Long super wavy light brown hair. Tons of freckles. Medium chested and athletic, plays lacrosse and volleyball. Dresses like an e-girl. Long leg gang.

Height: 5’8”

Brief personality description: Kind of a bitch but knows when to back off. Definitely puts up a tougher front than how she actually is. A total tease and she knows it, but a beacon of love and uwu for Preston. Radiates top energy. Doesn’t mind Preston’s piss kink but doesn’t love it either.

Cameron McAllister

Age: 18

Sexuality: Lesbian

Appearance: Messy dyed orange and red pixie cut. Super pale. Glasses. Masculine appearance, because I’m a slut for butch girls. Mostly T-shirts and jeans, if a formal occasion maybe a suit. Hasn’t worn a skirt since first grade probably.

Height: 5’11”

Brief personality description: Okay hear me out. Often pretty chill, usually the voice of reason, but super anxious and easily embarrassed. So focused on trying to look cool and edgy that it sometimes backfires. Also this is a long story but has PTSD regarding public bathrooms because this is a piss fetish blog and I also like whump okay leave me alone. Lowkey coded as ND Oop.

Silver McAllister

Age: 16. I do not lewd her. She’s Cam’s sister.

Sexuality: Boy would she like to know

Appearance: Short very light brown/ grayish hair. Kind of longer in the front with it turning into almost a pixie cut in the back? Think 2007 emo again lol. Short af. Like 90 pounds someone feed her. Wears all black usually. Thinks chains on clothes and fishnets are still in style.

Height: 5’0”

Brief personality description: Absolute crackhead. Speaks her mind 24/7 even though nobody asked. Queen of bottling up her emotions though, even though she doesn’t realize it. Has trauma and suffers.

Britney Middleton

Age: 18

Sexuality: Okay if you ask her this she would say she’s straight and then Cam would be like “Britney we’ve been together for 8 months” and Britney would just be like “I thought you were a guy when we met remember?” And Cam would be like “I-? What? How does that cancel out-?”

Appearance: Long blonde hair with pink streaks. Hourglass figure. Likes girly clothes and is usually at least a little overdressed.

Height: 5’4”

Brief personality description: Bless her heart. She’s really sweet and upbeat/ cheerful but ok a good day sis has 2 brain cells. She gets her words mixed up a lot and sucks at school work, but she’s usually pretty caring unless someone really pisses her off. Really likes pop tarts.

Persephone Lopez

Age: 18

Sexuality: Bi

Appearance: Medium length semi-curly dark brown hair. Latina. More on the curvy side. Wealthy, so likes clothes that show that off.

Height: 5’5”

Brief personality description: A theatre kid with ego issues. She’s a super talented singer and actress, but very self centered. Always wants to look her best and upstage those around her and when she doesn’t it really takes a toll, but despite that she wants others to be their best too.

Cristancia Lancing

Age: 18

Sexuality: Lesbian

Appearance: Long straight black hair, Chinese-American. Thin, but more curvy than Preston or Silver. Academia aesthetic queen.

Height: 5’6”

Brief personality description: The token serious angsty one. Sis has been through a lot. Throws herself into her music studies as a distraction. Easily annoyed and snappy. Hard working as fuck. Peresohones gf who’s always quick to get jealous bc she has trust issues.

Rocky Jones

Age: 18

Sexuality: Pan

Appearance: Medium length dark brown hair usually put into pigtails. Likes to wear name brand tracksuits as a flex but actually looks like a baddie in them instead of a grandma. African American.

Height: 5’2”

Brief personality description: Doesn’t look before she leaps and gets into trouble a lot because of it. Acts upon emotions rather than logic and because of this has a major falling out with Cam after trying to rebound from the death of her girlfriend with Britney. Really good friends with Silver and is starting to get a crush on her, but she also crushes way too easily so who knows??

#refz

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sanguinarius-archive · 5 years

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(sal)ly face headcanons bc why not

sal actually loves bright/jarring colors, but claims he doesnt look good when wearing them (he does tho, just ask the artists ash and larry)

he loves loves loves space!!! he knows the names of random stars and planets. he doesnt talk about it much bc its hard for him to word it correctly but he just.. FOCUSES on it for HOURS

when people ask him “comics or novels” he literally cannot decide. he’ll read stephen king’s “it” but then a second later he’s reading a fuckin archie comic or garfield comic

he actually loves sci fi films more than horror!

horror movies tend to freak him out because hes more psychologically affected by them (bc of his trauma), so he’d rather avoid that and go with something like sci fi

this is canon but- he loves to paint his nails! one time he painted each nail with the bi flag. it actually took a lot of precision but it was worth it

sal loves small dogs. he also loves rottweilers and chihuahuas bc they look so silly and cute with those big bulging eyes and that waggy tail

he thinks bunnies are AWESOME and one time larry put one on his head and he felt like an angel was above him

“sal how does it feel?” “it feels like… like god has sent her top guardian down to protect my mind…” “from what?” “from negative energy”

it is utter chaos when hes forced to go to school with a cold

poor boy sneezes but he cant take off his prosthetic bc he’ll feel naked af

dont worry tho, ash and larry to the rescue! they take him to larry’s apartment and hide him there and take care of him for a bit before going back to school themselves. they also bring sal any work he misses

sal gets emotional very easily over happy things!

like literally if he thinks abt his friends for one (1) second he’ll start to tear up because he just appreciates them so much

he hates strawberries. they are always too weirdly cold for him and that hurts his teeth and he also just doesn’t like the way they taste

he also stims!!!! he tends to blink a lot and grind his teeth. other stims are more visible ones like flexing his fingers or drumming them on tables, and flapping his hands as well. also kicks his legs a lot

sal loves all animals, this is canon, but like

imagine if he frickin got like.. a snake

larry is SUPER terrified of snakes, he thinks theyre cool from a distance but he hates seeing them

so when sal is like “i got something to show u” larry isnt expecting it and he sees the snake that is very clearly in its container but he just BOLTS

and sal is like “noo… babey snek is nice…”

he… has a weird relationship with bugs like all of us. but he baby talks all of them from time to time

he literally will pick up a centipede and be like “what are you doing here mister?? just crawlin around? how delightful!! i wonder what it’s like to see the world in your eyes… with that many legs…”

sal will obviously wear whatever he wants

but traditionally “masculine” clothes? no thanks. he hates it. thats why he wears dresses to formal stuff. he feels trapped or suffocated if he wears a suit or anything like that

he just prefers really baggy/loose clothing

if given a meal with different portions he’ll eat it one by one

so like… if he has fries and chicken strips. if he starts on the fries, he finishes the fries. he doesn’t switch back and forth

he also loves sweets but only if they’re small

big candy bars? no thank you

also going back to the stim thing- ash stims as well so she and sal share stim toys!!! things like squishies or weighted stuff or spinner rings or chewie jewelery, they’ll share those with each other

okay but one day he’s in art class just goofing off with larry

and larry puts glitter in his own hair as like a joke

but sal is just FASCINATED

because… oh my god… sparkl…………. shinyy…

and so he practically pours the entire tub of glitter on his hair

and he gets in so much trouble for it but he’s like “no miss listen i am a goddess. this is who i am. i am a teen figuring my life out”

and for the rest of the day he doesn’t bother to get any of it out so he walks around the school with a terribly large amount of glitter in his hair

larry cries of laughter whenever he sees him

ash thinks he’s a QUEEN and insists that he comes over and lets her fiddle with his hair and actually make it v pretty and sparkly

so he accepts!!!!!

sal also loves little kids and is super good with them. sometimes kids get scared of his mask, but it’s easy for him to reassure them

when soda is born, sal declares he’s going to be her favorite uncle

and he’s right!

larry’s not jealous though cause yeah, sal is pretty great

and honestly? sal is super protective of soda. he shields her from seeing or hearing any bad things

i also headcanon sal’s voice is a bit like kurt cobain’s- so he kind of sings like him too? but doesn’t scream or anything. his singing voice very soft like kurt’s in the beginning of lithium

sal doesn’t really like to sing though. in front of people, at least

he loves music box versions of songs, they’re just so relaxing and they help him fall asleep a lot of the time

also when he sleeps it’s usually on his back, so gizmo lays on his stomach through the night. sal doesn’t move a lot during his sleep

he has sleepwalked though, to larry’s place

and larry woke up and saw sal (this is after he first saw him without his mask) and he saw him without his glass eye For The First Time

larry TRIES not to wake him up but pretty much fails and sal kind of has a panic attack

he’s like “that- i- i’m sorry- my eye-” and covers it but larry pulls his hand down back to his side and is like “it’s ok you look super cool without it”

prom is honestly one of the best nights of sal’s life

he’s got his hair up in a bun and wears a rainbow-striped t-shirt with a high-waisted black skirt and a long-sleeved black shirt underneath the t-shirt and tall dark leather boots

his nails are painted blue, red, purple, orange to represent him, larry, ash and todd (tho his nails on his thumbs are painted black)

because he secretly loves dancing when no one is around, he just kind of rocks it at prom and his friends are blown away bc… holy shit?? sal fisher can Dance????

but he’s more playful with it

he and larry scream the lyrics to the songs that play

they all end up ditching the prom and going outside to the back of the school and just kinda goof off

larry and ash share a cigarette and todd drives all of them out beyond city limits to an open field

they just kinda lay down in the grass there and stargaze for nearly the entire night

they talk about stupid stuff and serious stuff

honestly sal just goes back to his apartment very later and happy cries

cause again, he gets so emotional over happy stuff

and he loves his friends very much

and no there is no bad ending to this or bad ending that i won’t talk about

they all grow up together and are happy

EDIT: ANOTHER ONE I FORGOT TO ADD... sal LOVES deadpool. hes only into marvel for deadpool. he relates to him bc hey they both have deformed faces (except for dp its his whole body too i think) but ya!!!! he loves wade frickin wilson

#mine #sally face #sal fisher #larry johnson #ashley campbell #todd morrison #long post/#headcanons #sally face headcanons #sf headcanons

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arodrwho · 5 years

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autistic nott hcs......

used to do raptor hands all the time all the time, but now that she Hates Seeing Her Own Skin she tends to stick them in her pockets instead

(“it’s close enough,” she tells herself, and it’s almost true)

sometimes she forgets & does raptor hands out of habit; when she realizes, she cringes a bit & immediately jams them in her pockets

collected items.......very stimmable................

very very very fidgety

usually fiddles w/things in her pockets bc it’s less noticeable, and As A Goblin “less noticeable” is the #1 most important thing to be (& also as a thief, but like. mainly the goblin bit as she’s more likely to get kicked in the face for being a goblin than being a thief)

sometimes will rock back & forth on her feet or sway a little, but tries not to

used to handflap when anxious as a kid; doesn’t anymore

chews her own fingers instead

chews a lot of things (her fingers, the occasional crossbow bolt, bones, sometimes leafs, shirtsleeves, etc.)

as veth she used to bite her fingernails very occasionally (only when Real stressed) & chew on pencils very often + sometimes her clothes (less shirtsleeves, more like. ends of drawstrings for dresses & shirts & junk) (though yeah sometimes shirtsleeves too)

likes them visual & tactile stims the best

also likes to squish herself places

squish

sometimes...forgets words..

they’ll be on the tip of her tongue she’ll have the vague Concept but not the Word or she’ll have the word but it won’t want to come out of her mouth & she’ll be momentarily Stuck

has to tap tap tap sth to Unstick & properly Grasp + Say the Thing

gets frustrated by it

it’s been happening more & more since she got transformed & it lowkey freaks her out bc she’s worried it’s part of the Oh No I’m Becoming More Goblin thing

(it isn’t. it’s part of the slow burnout she’s been muddling deeper into since she died, bc Stress + Trauma Ahoy, + also doing considerably more masking than before bc as previously stated she Rly Does Not Want To Stand Out At All For Any Reason Bc If She’s Noticed By Anyone She Will Probably Be Attacked Instantly That’s Just Common Sense)

(imo basically the entirety of the ‘oh no i’m becoming more goblin’ thing is burnout. harder to regulate ur emotions? harder to control ur impulses? anxiety skyrocketing? mindfog? autistic collecting dealio intensified? senses increasingly more sensitive?? everything’s been Dialed Up?? all following a period of extreme & ongoing stress? sounds like burnout to me my dude)

part of the reason nott’s so proud of & impressed w/luke for Walking Early and Talking Early is bc she herself walked & talked pretty late

learned to read p early though

(she & caleb have that in common, & neither of them are quite aware of how unusual that is--though caleb is slightly more aware than nott is; after all, he’s always been told he’s smart & that was always listed as an example of how--whereas nott, of course, has never been told she’s smart [except by yeza, & later caleb, & later the others])

(sidenote luke is also autistic. these are just facts)

nott.......is very good at numbers & math. that sweet sweet pattern recognition y’know

very bad at faces. super awful

that’s half the reason she was so alarmed by the idea of caleb taking a bath, is bc half the way she recognizes him in the first place is By All The Grime

[caleb facial features, according to nott: red hair covering most of it, Lots Of Dirt, big nose, blue eyes probably ??, freckles? does he have freckles?? hard to remember & also hard to tell under all the Dirt]

[more general way to Recognize Caleb, if more than his face is visible: red hair, Dirt, long grimy coat, blue scarf, sometimes cat, doesn’t look like he wants to kick me]

the other half of the reason it alarmed her so much is bc Big Change Oh No Oh Boy

what the fuck is a facial expression how the fuck do those work

mmmmm had shutdowns as a kid

nowadays more prone to meltdowns (happens fairly rarely, but it happens)

has a lot of internal rules. a lot. just so many.

messy as Fuck but she Has A System dammit

(this kind of trinket goes in this pocket, this pocket is for that spell component, this pocket is for this specific kind of gem, this pocket is for that specific kind of button, etc. etc. etc.)

lightswitch autistic; flips back n forth between hyper & hyposensitive wrt several senses but sound & taste esp.

smell is hyposensitive basically always

used to walk on her tiptoes constantly as a kid. still does sometimes. handy for sneaking, + jus feels natural

flask. comfort object

mask. comfort object

one particular trinket she has, indistinguishable from other trinkets to anyone else. comfort object

cloak heavy

pace pace pace pace scurry scurry scurry scurry

in conclusion. autistic nott good

#daypost #still need a critical role tag

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bleedpure · 5 years

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mark lee vc: LEZ GEDDIT ! i’m al or ally, i’m nineteen, i’m in the cst timezone aka the midwest, so u know what that means ! it sucks ! i don’t even know how to transition out of that. i’m so bad at talking about myself, so i think we’re just gonna not do that....... we’ll talk about seulki instead, which i can assure u he’s 100% more interesting than i will ever be ! u can find his info under the cut and if u wanna plot hit that like button and i’ll come to u or u can hit me up on d*scord ( which i would love tbh bc it’s easier than tumblr ims ) @ the jonas brothers did that#7625. okay, onto the intro !

- ̗̀✰ • 【 LEE MINHO, CISMALE, HE/HIM 】 ❝ did you see KIM SEULKI on the train back to hogwarts? they’re a HALF-BREED (VAMPIRE) in their THIRD year as a TWENTY year old RAVENCLAW. apparently they’re the ENIGMA around the grounds; most likely because they give off an aura of DROPLETS OF CRIMSON LIQUID DRIPPING OFF PEARLY WHITE FANGS, FORM FITTING JEANS THAT HUG JUST THE RIGHT SPOTS, HEART SHAPED LIPS CURLING INTO A DEVILISH SMILE, THE FEELING OF A PIANO PLAYING EERILY IN THE ROOM NEXT DOOR. of all the social media platforms, they’re definitely most obsessed with their INSTAGRAM; probably because they’re ELOQUENT, but also MANIPULATIVE. however, on the new manifest app in mr. carlos’ english class, they’ve already managed to anonymously steal the username: BLOODLUST.

ALSO ! if u want a better look at him, u can check out his pinterest board here ( follow me too that’d be so sexy of u ) !

information.

i’m gonna just do this in bullet points bc i’m lazy and have had a really long week so if it’s choppy.... i am so sorry u are just gonna have to deal w it KMSKSMK

seulki was born in seoul, south korea to a kang insoo, a wizard man, and kim eunbin, a vampire woman, seulki himself being her first born

he doesn’t remember much of his own father, the only image he has of him is his bloodied corpse after his mother ripped his throat out when he was five years old

she was a cruel woman is what he had learned from that moment on

most half-breeds are misunderstood creatures, but the kim line of vampires were the monsters they told u abt in horror stories, the ones that hid under ur bed and took u from ur room in the depths of the night

being descendants of vlad the impaler, yes he really was a vampire!, had death and destruction lacing through their veins, darkness and deceit wrapping around their bodies

growing up, he watched his mother give birth to three more children, all of which were full fledged vampires, unlike himself

at first, he never let it bother him, he was raised up to be a vampire, to let the magic gene within him go dormant. he fed off humans and shed the blood of other’s with the influence of his mother, but even being her puppet was never enough for her

secretly, she had always resented her falling in love with a wizard, a human, someone that wasn’t of their own kind. because she did actually fall in love with him, only to be blindsided by her own family, a powerful clan of vampires pulling who she was and who she had always been out of her

because of the resentment matted in between her bones, the anger and frustration of her family ruining her life, of insoo ruining her life, she began to see the human traits within seulki even more often than not, creating a drift and a barrier between the two of them

seulki was the eldest brother, the one who took it upon himself to help raise them, to protect them, to never let their bright souls be diminished by the thought that they were monsters. they loved him and he loved them, but his mother didn’t like that

she didn’t like how they cared for each other because they cared for each other more than they cared for her. she was selfish, wanting the love she never was able to receive, wanted to feel smth for all that she didn’t

his mother hadn’t been fond of him for a while, only using him to do her bidding and while him and his siblings got closer and closer, she got angrier, knowing that they were each others’ heartbeats and she wasn’t included in that

so because of her selfish and deranged nature, she wanted to eliminate her younger children to cause torment to seulki. ganging up on the children one night with the intent to kill them, but she didn’t get as far as she wanted to

she severely injured her second oldest, giving a few scratches the the other’s before seulki came in, eyes black and charging towards his mother. it was a bloodbath after that, the two youngest pulling their sister to safety as they called for seulki

their cries and calls snapped him out of his loss of humanity and in front of him was his injured, but not dead mother unconscious. it was then that he took his chance, packing whatever he could that was valuable and fled with his siblings

they spent time spent a long time running, bouncing from city to city more bloodshed falling onto seulki’s hands to protect the only people he held dear to him and he would do anything for them.

he struggled a lot actually with maintaining his humanity as it would slip from time to time due to the trauma even if he had his siblings to tether him down. at some point, seulki, while strong, felt himself getting exhausted from being on the run and it was when they’d found themselves in scotland being found by hagrid of all people offering seulki a place at hogwarts and his siblings a place in his hut

at first, seulki declined, not fully trusting the man with his siblings even though he would be right in the castle near by. but, after some thought and the push of the second oldest, they accepted the offer and seulki’s been attending hogwarts since he was eighteen and his siblings have found a residence with hagrid

tidbits.

he ages like a normal human up until he’s twenty-one when he quits aging and begins the phase of immortality.

seulki can and will drink blood to survive, but if he goes without it it’s not detrimental to him until he quits aging altogether which means he can eat regular food, he actually quite enjoys it.

he has fangs, he can go out into sunlight, but not for an excessive amount of time or he’ll get a rash. seulki does have inhuman speed and strength, but nothing overpowering u know? when he loses his humanity, his eyes go full black and when the vampire takes him over, his eyes are red, and his regular eye color is brown.

losing his humanity means he loses his heartbeat, most of the time either due to losing the things or people that make his heart beat or from intense and severe anger or negative emotions such as the like. though, it can be voluntarily done as well by switching it off ( kind of like tvd . . . fucking disgusting ). but, seulki being only half-vampire has an easier time, unlike his siblings, to regain his heartbeat back and for his humanity to fluctuate when it’s lost because of his human side. his siblings are his heartbeats actually, so that’s where the intense need to protect them comes from as well as just being their brother.

seulki is a Big Bi ! loves it fucking all.

he’s not super great at magic since his magic gene was pretty dormant until he came to hogwarts, so he’s pretty much just skirting by at this point.

his siblings mean the world to him, he would do absolutely anything for them and wouldn’t let a single person harm a hair on their heads. but ! no one knows they exist, though i’m sure if there were special people in his life they might !

while he sleeps around a lot . . . he’s a secret romantic. he’s always wanted to find love, but it way too terrified of it.

oh yeah he has a blood kink............ that’s important ig

personality.

seulki is definitely an interesting person. he’s wise and intelligent, having been through a lot in his life. he’s eloquent and good with his words, most would call him honey-tongued because of how he can persuade almost anyone to do what he says. seulki is kind of a dick or well, like a suave dick. he’s charming and flirty, his signature is a smirk and like arms crossed as he leans against a doorway u know? seulki is uh. how do i put this? kind of a whore. he doesn’t tend to care about others which is deep rooted in the fact that he’s never felt real love . . . his own mother hated him to the core. he’s overprotective of the people he cares about and will do absolutely anything for them. he’s an ass if i didn’t mention that before, it’s to protect himself and his siblings from ever being hurt again because he’s so terrified of letting people in for them to just tear him down in the process. he’s guarded and u never know what he’s thinking because he doesn’t show it on his face or let u know. UH I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY MY BRAIN DOESN’T WORK............ he’s p manipulative............. uh he cares a lot. but deep down and he doesn’t want ppl to know that........... he’s definitely a Big Brother type when he cares abt u, makes sure u’ve eaten, makes sure ur warm and are comfortable....... yeah idk that’s it i’m done

wanted plots.

A HEARTBEAT ! — whether platonic or romantic, this would be someone who, just like seulki’s siblings, makes his heart beat thus keeping his humanity in check, they would be a WHOLE, WHOLE lot to him.

A TUTOR ! — as i mentioned earlier, seulki isn’t super well versed when it comes to magic, he’s not very good at it and it’s hard for him to navigate sometimes, so having someone to help him get his mf grades up would be lovely !

AN EX ! — obviously, this didn’t go down well because seulki is terrified of commitment and people getting close to him. it could play out in so many ways, so if it sparks ur interest we can chat !

A ROOMMATE ! — so which sucker is gonna have to live with the vampire who has a blood kink ?

A BEST FRIEND ! — obviously this is pretty self explanatory, this would be someone that seulki trusts with probably his life and they mean a lot to him, even if he’s bad at showing it.

LOVE/HATE ! — bruh give me that good shit. these two can’t stand each other, but because of that it’s formed some sort of fondness where if anyone is messing with the other they’re like who tf are u that’s my job !

A BAD INFLUENCE / GOOD INFLUENCE ! — self explantory . . . someone be a good influence for seulki and let him be a bad influence for someone else.

AN UNREQUITED CRUSH ! — my friend gave me the idea to maybe have someone have a cute little crush on seulki . . . and i was like but that’s SO sad........ then i was like u know what i love pain so here we are........ also could be requited we shall see !

FUCK BUDDIES, FRIENDS/ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS, FLINGS ! — i’m just getting lazy at this point to explain this shit . . . fuck him, let him fuck u he’s a true vers my friends.

OTHERS ! — cuddle buddy, old friends, confidant, rivals, skinny love, annoyances, a brother/sister type of relationship, and if there’s anything else we can just vibe ! tbh we don’t even have to do anything from this list, whatever fits the muses, these are just ideas !

#mhq:intros #°࿐ ✦ ༉ 𝓐. ooc ﹠ 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙠𝙪𝙨𝙝 .#huh. can't believe y'all have to read this...... i feel bad for u all #also i didn't proofread this so just go w it

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