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random-imagines-blog · 3 years

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Sideways {Andrew Garfield x Reader}

Requested by: Anonymous Wordcount: 1811 Summary: Andrew gets a call that no one wants to get. Especially from their own child. Warning: Contains hospital, miscarriage and talk of pregnancy.

The best part about your job was that you could do a lot of it online, and could travel with Andrew when he went abroad for his different acting gigs. This was one of the last times that you would be able to go, since it was the Summer and your daughter was going into first grade, and you wanted to keep her in one place to keep her adjusted. Still, he was going to appreciate all that he could get. And every minute that he wasn’t needed on set, he was going to take you and your child together to go and explore. He’d been here in Vancouver before, but you hadn’t, and he was eager to show you what he had learned about on his last trip here. But for now, he was stuck in the studio, getting fitted for one of the ‘special’ outfits that he was going to be wearing for this film.

He was laughing with the wardrobe stylist, joking about something that happened with the director on the first day here. They had pranked him by bringing in a bunch of extras and announcing them as the main cast. The director had sputtered, and not wanting to be rude, had to excuse himself to make ‘script adjustments’. Once he had realized that it was all a prank, he saw the funny side, and all tension and nerves around the team had dissipated. Andrew had been in on it and thought that it was hilarious, especially since he had been dressed as one of the camera-crew. Best acting he had ever done, the director had said to him.

“There’s a call for you, Mr Garfield,” His assistant said, popping up beside him. She was a small, older woman with a very no-nonsense air about her. She hadn’t appreciated the prank, because it meant that she missed out on a few hours of work. “It’s urgent.”

“It is?” Andrew asked, wondering who it could be. You only texted him during work hours, and he’d give you a call at lunch once in a while, otherwise he would wait to tell you about his day once he got home. That way his little girl could listen in and chime in whenever she wanted as well. “Excuse me,” He told the woman who was measuring his shoulders to make an adjustment to the suit. She nodded, and helped him to remove what he had on of the costume, then he changed quickly then finally accepted the phone from his assistant.

“This is Andrew,” He said, just in case it was an urgent professional call. He could hear a commotion coming from the other end of the line. There were men talking, and then a loud siren. Ambulance, not fire truck or police. He knew the difference, having always stayed in hotels in busy cities.

“Daddy?” The six-year-olds voice came through, and Andrew felt his heart sink from his chest down to his knees. He looked at his assistant who looked more solemn than usual. And maybe even a little bit concerned. “Daddy - it’s Mommy.”

“What’s wrong with mommy? Tell me everything - and where are you going?” He took his wallet and keys from his assistant, who had been holding onto them during the fittings.

“Where are we going?” Andrew heard her ask someone, and a man said something in response. “Vancouver General,” The little girl repeated.

“I’ll meet you there, okay? Stay with one of the paramedics until Daddy gets there. I won’t be long.”

It took him half an hour to get to the hospital, and that was with light traffic. He cursed the studio for being so far away, but he knew it was just the stress. His daughter wasn’t able to give him much information, just that you had been in the bathroom, crying in pain, and then told the little girl to call 911. They had taught her the emergency number for every country that they stayed in, just in case. It was good that she knew, but he hated that she had to use it.

You had been feeling fine that morning, he recalled. You went to the hotel restaurant for breakfast, had a simple meal of oatmeal and fruits. He was thinking that perhaps you had food poisoning of some sort? He hoped it was something as simple as that, though you wouldn’t have called 911 over something so trivial.

He parked, then ran into the first entrance that he could find. It was emergency, and they gave him directions to the fourth floor. He noticed from the signs around the elevator that it was to ... to a pregnancy floor?

He saw his daughter first, sitting on a bench, reading a book, swinging her legs back and forth since they weren’t reaching the ground. There was a paramedic sitting with her, but not saying anything. Just keeping an eye on her, which Andrew was thankful for. His footsteps brought their attention, and the little girl jumped to her feet. She had been crying, Andrew could tell from the puffiness of her cheeks. She ran towards him, and he leaned down to catch her in a hug. “Daddy! I called just like you taught me to!” She pulled your phone out of her pocket, it looked so massive in her little hands, and she held it up to show you.

He knew the password, there were no secrets between you two. You knew his as well, but neither of you ever went snooping. In fact, this was the first time that he had used it. He saw indeed that your first call of the day was to work, and then 911, and then to him. He turned the phone dark and put it into his own pocket. He scooped up the girl and held her in his arms in a giant bear hug. He looked at the paramedic over her shoulder, took a step towards him and held his hand out. “Thank you so much for staying with her-”

“It’s no problem,” He said, getting to his own feet. “We had to resupply the ambo anyway. And - the doctor said that your wife was stable. I’m sure she’ll be out soon.” He shook Andrew’s hand then excused himself to go back to work, and Andrew sunk down on the recently vacated spot on the bench, still holding his daughter on his lap. There wasn’t much that he could do except for wait for the Doctor, which didn’t take long. The commotion that your daughter made had gotten their attention.

“Hello, Mr. Garfield?” The Doctor said, coming out of the room. She reminded Andrew a lot of his assistant. Same motherly face, same solemn features. Andrew nodded to the affirmative. “Your wife is going to be just fine, though her body had gone through some trauma. She’s going to need to rest, take it easy for a couple of weeks at least.”

“What happened?” He asked, his voice shaky with relief that you were going to be fine. Still, this had seemed to come out of nowhere. And the fact that you were in the pregnancy wing made him nervous.

“Your wife had a miscarriage, Mr. Garfield. She was three months along,” The Doctor’s voice was straight to the point, no emotions at all. She must have to deliver news like this all of the time. “She claims that she didn’t know that she was pregnant, so she is feeling rather fragile. I’d like to keep her for overnight observation, just to be careful.”

Andrew swallowed, but nodded. There wasn’t any other reaction that he felt like he could have. He could only hug his daughter close, thankful that at the very least, he had her. “Can I see her?” He asked the Doctor, who nodded, and motioned towards the open door that she had just come out of. Andrew got back up to his feet, and walked in, still holding his daughter, who was being unusually quiet. He realized as he walked into the room that she had fallen asleep.

You hadn’t, however. You were laying in the hospital bed, hooked up to machines, getting fluids, staring straight ahead of you blankly. Andrew hummed to announce that he was there, and you snapped out of it, your eyes meeting his. They were still filled with tears on your end, while he was still comprehending the news.

“Hey baby,” You said, weakly smiling. Andrew smiled back, and set the little girl down on a chair, where she curled up immediately and continued to sleep away. All that worry and excitement must have exhausted her. He then went to your side, taking hold of both your hands, being careful of the IVs.

“How -” He said, shaking his head. “How did this happen?”

“I don’t know,” You said, blinking away tears. “I didn’t even know I was pregnant. I swear, I wasn’t keeping anything from you. I had my period and no other symptoms. I mean, I thought I gained a little bit of weight but I thought that was just all of the cake,” You somehow managed to laugh though it didn’t sound sincere. “The Doctor says that happens sometimes.”

Andrew would never dream of accusing you of cheating. The two of you stayed in the newlywed stage of your marriage, remaining sexually active. The math added up enough, three months, you two were definitely intimate three months ago.

“How do you feel?” Andrew asked, caressing the top of your hands with his thumbs. “And not just physically.”

You took a deep breath in and then a deep breath out. “I’m devastated,” You admitted, finally admitting your own truth. Tears were fighting to come out and you had stopped the battle, letting them descend freely. “When I heard that I miscarried - I realized... I want that baby. I want to have another one with you and we just lost our chance.”

Andrew felt the same wave of depression overcome him. In an alternate universe, he could just be finding out that he was going to be a father again. He had to be strong for you though. He could let out his emotions when you got home. You were too vulnerable right now.

“We’ll have more chances,” Andrew said, leaning forward and kissed a tear off of your cheek. It tasted salty, it lasting on his lips for a long while. “I’ll gladly give you another baby.”

You chuckled at that, though you were still crying. “You just like the act of making one, mister,” You squeezed his hands. Andrew laughed as well, and nodded.

“Can you blame me?”

#Andrew Garfield #Andrew Garfield x reader #Andrew Garfield oneshot #celebrity #celebrity oneshot #request #oneshot #one shot #x reader #andrewg

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foryouthegays · 3 years

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techno liveblog w timestamps lets go for ‘a new home (dream SMP)’ stream

good laugh times: 00:13:50, 00:14:55, 1:38:45, ik it doesnt look like a lot but like u should watch the stream anyway bc philzas there and his laugh is amazing and they just go so well together

times techno calls phil his friend: 00:6:00 00:37:00, 00:45:17, 0:1:09:30, 01:11:15, 01:26:35, 01:50:05, 2:35:00

FSDJKFAF;LS HE KEPT THE MUTED INTRO IN JHKADFLS (ends at 00:1:25)

i like how, when faced with Leaving Youtube, techno would choose to be an author. i want a book by techno. reblog this if u want a book by techno (with an audiobook by him as well) /hj. 00:1:33

i love how he says ehhhhhh so much lskjhdfas (abt 2 mins in)

who the FUCK just remembers that the word fortuitous exists wtf 00:5:17

00:7:45 PHILZA TIME PHILZA TIME LETS GO

00:8:55 tommy time :/

0:14:10 rANBOO JUST WALKS IN, LOOKS AROUN ,AND LEA VE SIM CRYING

i love how much philza laughs at technos jokes bc pretty much everything he says IS a joke he just says it in such a serious voice that p much everyone else is like,,,yeah,,,,yup,,,,and phil just knows when hes joking and his laugh is so good with technos voice. sbi? whos that? i only know philza and technoblade

00:19:30 ghostbur joins! this is my first time hearin ghostbur btw

00:19:40 haha string axe technos so bad at crafting what a fool /j

00:21:07 ghostbur: “Even I remember how to make a fishing rod!” ghostbur u just MURDERED technoblade oh my god im gonna scream hgjdfksla i love ghostbur so much

00:23:55: GHOSTBUR NO!! DON’T DIE YOU’LL BECOME A DOUBLE GHOST!!!! -technoblade 2020

00:24:55 technoblade neva lies -guys he almost did the technoblade neva dies ahh!!!!!

i havent heard anyone talk about this but techno has a dedicated roleplay voice. like listen to him talk to tommy at 00:25:08. his voice gets more even, he uses names a lot more often (seriously, listen to his theseus speech. he says tommy so often, its incredible.), and his voice gets,,,,deeper? not deeper but smoother, in a way, and he repeats what he says for emphasis instead of humor. and his voice is louder, and he seems more assertive.

00:27:30 philza: where we goin, by the way? techno: to our- to my new home.

techno cmon let phil live w u wed get so much more content cmonn

00:28:50 the fact that he calls the manhunt theme “dream music” makes me laugh so hard. and then his version of it,,,,,m love he (also he sings it here and at 01:14:20)

00:35:10 why is ranboo so cryptic im-

why does he just casually know the word sentry wh at i hate him 00:39:45

this is the worst sentence (structurally) ive ever heard techno say im gonna cry 00:49:33 ‘im too busy thinkin of new ideas to sleep so i could actually execute them’ and tubbos *oh?* after is just hdsfgkjlka

LKSJDHFJK 00:51:49

00:54:30

techno: thats one of dreams powers, he can just stop the rain

tubbo, quietly: like jesus!

i love them sm dsfhkjla they kept going but i jus gdfhjksa jesus has op

techno @ being the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans: haha funnie!!

techno @ having fun w religious stuff: i wILL BE CANCELLED NO-

00:58:10 “hey if ur [ghostbur] a ghost, do instant damage potions heal you now?” “...no,, they hurt me still :(” DSIULZKJHFSLKFJH

01:04:00 his brother named the cow bob im- aww

also he has a fanart wall again!!!

01:09:30 “phil, you’re the only friend i have left in this world.” aWWWWW HE GAVE HIM THE COMPASS

“dont smoke, it’s a joke” -technoblade 01:14:15

ROLEPLAY SPEECH VOICE IS BACK AT 1:16:10 “they pillage my base for everything i’m worth, they use me for the revolution, but oooOOOoo i took a pickaxe with his consent? oOOOooOo i’m a thief!”

holy shit 01:17:15 “you know what, phil? for you, the world, alright? it’s fine.” oH MY GOD HHHHGHG (context, right before they were arguing bc phil took some blocks from his base and techno thought that when he said phil could take anything he meant from the chests)

the COMIDY of that villager coming in and sleeping while techno was readin donos at 01:22:05 RIGHT AFTER phil freaked out abt inturruptin his dono readin im SFDHKJLA:

techno talkin bout the winstreak and how he wont be able to live up to that sort of playin at 01:22:30ish is super important and ill transcribe it tomorrow, but if u can id highly rec watchin it.

01:24:20 “[readin dono] what’s your favorite movie? uh, the princess bride is pretty good” techno ily that movie rocks also he said it so fast like hes ashamed of it noo

techno says no to canon ranboo son btw! 01:25:30

01:25:55 “i wasnt in that story, therefore it doesnt matter” all of technoblr be like

01:37:49 is great lemmie transcribe

“how have you still not gotten a second monitor?? holy shit.”

“let me tell you something. and im only telling you this because i know that so many people in the chat are gonna be furious. so i recently realized- i think the second monitor can just be any ol’ monitor, right? you literally just plug it in, and its set up? well i mean you have to turn on some settings, but like, thats it, or something?”

“yeah,,,,, uh techno you fuckin destroyed my chat, by the way, oh my god, [earlier techno told his viewers to twitch prime philza] there has been like 40 primes just flying through”

“yeahhh twitch prime!!! twitch prime philza yeahh!!! so anyways the other day, i like, i looked to my left, and realized that my old monitor has been like, five feet away from where i sit and stream for the last three years?”

“oh my god...”

“so i- i literally do not have to leave my room to set up a second monitor and i havent. and i’m still usin my laptop for this stream.

“is this gonna be one of those situations where you like, you have a thing, you just refuse to do the thing?”

“listen, my desk is-

“yOU STILL HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE!!!”

“AHHHH I HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE! I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY MCC COIN! DUDE I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY ONE MILLION SUBSCRIBER PLAQUE! ITS STILL THERE RIGHT BEHIND ME! ITs sTILL IN THE BOX! i never made a video on it....”

“bruhhhhh [philza laughs] thats FREE VIEWS what are you doing??”

“ill open it at 8 mil :/.”

“you could LITERALLY make a video of you just like, throwing it off a wall, and then thumbing up, like doing a thumbs up, and then that would be it. 10 seconds. ten seconds. thumb and elbow in shot. [laughs]”

techno is such a disaster i love him

01:34:18 the way techno says “tommy, that statement has NEVER been true” i dont like sayin i simp for block men but GOD sometimes his voice is nicer than usual hhhgn

“man i sure wish tommyinnit was in this stream” -nobody ever (just after previous timestamp)

01:40:15 is fuckin hilarious and im actually crying oh my god techno just says things and says them well with a completely straight face how does he do it

i cannot WAIT until theres a president w the last/first name andy so we can say president andy and think abt technoblade

IM CRIASDNGUSFHD 01:44:38 PHILZA LOOK OUT LOOK OUT PHILZA LSKJDAFJASD;LKF

i love when techno talks abt his vids. like u can tell he puts a lot of thought into the vids (esp these ones) and like at 01:47:00 he talks abt the “I DIDNT PUT DEAPTH STRIDER ON THOSE BOOTS, FUNDY!” and how its just that creepin realization that you were doomed from the start and how he made the armor, he isnt intimidated by the netherite bc he didnt enchant it all the way and only he knows that,,, and i just,,,hgg he

he reveals that hes writin the next arc at 01:48:00: “oh, speakin of arcs, chat, i’m writing the next arc. so, you know. hope nothin bad happens in two weeks, chat!” IM SO EXCITED like he clearly has his character fleshed out and is SO good at writing and retellin history im so so excited to see where he takes it AHHHH and also taht means he might stream more bc he might make his character more important (keep in mind this is the guy who wrote self insert hypixel fanfics. he has no shame in puttin himself first and i respect him so much for it)

01:51:20 “they’re tryin to get a second customer but they’re riskin their first” is lowkey a good line

has anyone else noticed that techno says wise a lot? like at 01:55:10 he literally says “wise dragon armor” as a joke but like i think he says wise so much BECAUSE of skyblock like hjkfdsla

01:57:30 techno plea se eat

ok 1:58:45 is hilarious and all but at the end of his ramble he says “come back, i miss you” and lowkey im crying

techno needs to stop knowing his audience more than we know ourselves im hsfkjda 02:05:25 “the chat’s spammin ‘eat technoblade, eat!’ like they’re not gonna start, like, theyre not gonna get super sad if i ended the stream right now, like theyre not gonna all cry ‘i miss technoblade *sniffs* why- whyd he leave to eat food, why did he listen to our advice noooo’”

02:14:50 NEW VIDEO POGGGG CARL THE HORSE POGGGGGG NOT A STREAM HIGHLIGHT POGGGGG

02:17:40 “i could start a potato farm out here to show how much ive changed” techno last time u made a potato farm u started an entire war that lasted a year that does NOT say calm and retired to me lskgdfjagsldj

02:23:00 why does techno just reference greek mythology so much. makin me scared for his arc.

also he talks abt smp earth a lot in this stream i love it so much

i also just. love?? how much sbi respect tommy like they bully him but when talkin bout him they just have so much respect for how much work he puts into youtube and i just,,,,hgnn they r friends

02:33:13 sbi streamer house lets go cmon

02:34:15 “i think if i streamed every day i could keep up” on one hand YE S but on the ohter oh god techno no we have to keep up tho

hearing techno say “violence isnt the answer” is so scary 02:35:40

02:37:30 technosneeze

hiS BROTHER SENT HIM 46 DISCORD MESSAGES SFKDJLFLKASF 2:49:25 i love his end screen so much hes just sadness,,,,retirement,,,t,echnoblade,,,the government is going to fall on its own due to lack of organization and ideals,,,,,,subscribe,,,,,sadness,,,,,also 2:50:45 is making me laugh so hard its just sad music and technos like??? whys phil in my house drinking milk?????

overall, fantastic stream, if ya want some chill techno philza content i highly recommend.

#stream post

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astro-break · 3 years

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Thoughts on the 7th ep of Hypmic Rhyme Anima. Spoilers beware

Ep.1 | Ep.2 | Ep.3 | Ep.4 & 5 | Ep. 6

Can we get an MTC ep for Samatoki’s birthday please?

nope its MTR

ah man i always get really down whenever i see Doppo’s workplace environment. it suckssss

EYYYYY BUSTER BROS SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i forgot the name of the song in the moment but is Ikebukuro West Gate Park which is funny since thats where the ikebukuro prelims are held)

OOO IRIS ON A MOTERBIKE!!!!!!!!!!!! thats so hot oh my god, the CGI was good too! she had no right making to popping a wheelie over speedbumps look cool

Tom mentioned last episode that he had picked these three up from bad places and I have a feeling that Iris was once either an adrenaline junkie, thrill seeker, or involved in something that had her on the run

I don’t know about Rex. I think society just took one look at him and pushed him away because his personality is weird. He’s honest and kind, almost too kind. It don’t help that he doesn’t look traditionally Japanese which will garner him a lot of unpleasant experiences

MTCCCCCCCCCCC HELL YEAH

love that theyre one of the few units shown actually going out and doing intel searching on their own

god the TDD flashbacks harken to the manga and thats so cool

There’s a lot of underline threads going on in here and its going to be hard keeping track of them. I hope that the anime doesn’t choke itself on all the threads

T.REX is hilarious i think i might actually grow to like him. he’s a dumb himbo

ah even more threads and previous connections. i really really really hope that everything is ties up nicely by the end of the season though that doesn’t seem plausible, not with only 5 episodes remaining

OH GOD WHY WAS YOTOSUJUJI BROUGHT UP NOW IM TEARING UP

ah of course robberies are going to happen on the day of the rap battle

That ruikawa guy is suspicious. it might be my INFP speaking but his kindness seems a bit weird

ah yeah red flags right there. he’s definitely one of the robbers or in cahoots with them

ah yeah hes a robber. theres no doubt about that. “ive found a place to release what builds up inside me”. thats crime isn’t it. the fact that he won’t talk about it just raises more red flags

ahahaha see i was right

hey at least it was doppo’s hardass boss. could be someone more innocent and less asshole-y

YOU JUST GAVE YOUR INDEITY AWAY ASSHOLE wow even doppo caught on

EYYYY SHINJIKU STYLE!!!!! HELL YEAH

Those stills are absolutely mesmerizing though.

i love the sense of trust and mentorship between matenro with Jakurai as Hifumi and Doppo’s mentors. At least that’s the feeling I get with them ahaha

Doppo’s english is a bit harsh but also weirdly fits his style. im a bit mixed on it but with the whole song being more melancholic with english sprinkled in, it matches the theme

The song itself is such a mellow and soothing song though. Its different than Maternro’s usual work and its a good different. I love the subway and old timey imagery that came with the song and the image of a subway train lighting up the way to a new path is such a great way of showing that there are different paths and different destinations that one can take. Even if you take the same train, you can end up in a different place. The light imagery in particular is just so good since Ruikawa’s original line of the city being a beacon of light for him is mirrored in the song.

The lyrics especially are so soft and powerful with the imagery within the words being simultaneously rough and tumble but also soft and reassuring. It seems more like a lament or a elegy to a life that could have been if they had gotten on a different train. I love the lyrics, especially the chorus since it speaks of mundane things but things that everyone can understand and relate to

it also carries mad Spirited Away vibes. It’s also called Falling which I think is pretty fitting

the only thing that I don’t like about the song Jakurai’s vocal beats within his verse. Usually it works since there’s a big beatboxing feel to those beats but with Jakurai his lyrical rap doesn’t mesh well with the harsh guttural sounds beatboxing

The pain of having one of your few friends betray you hurts and wow this episode is out to make me feel a lot of sympathy for Doppo

SMILING DOPPO!!!

Hell yeah they actually had a plan and followed through with it

Did they just set up the MTC episode lmao. thats sneaky

OOh that beat change for FP ending is so nice!!

I think I’m only noticing this just now but the episode titles are all famous quotes from people/proverbs.

Ep. 1) “As Soon as Man is Born, He Begins to Die“ This is an old proverb. Who said it I don’t know and a quick internet search gave me nothing, but its commonly said to convey the meaning that nothing lasts forever. IDK why this proverb was chosen since there’s no indication of any of the teams disbanding any time soon except for TDD era teams which have already happened

Ep. 2) “Speak of the Devil and He Will Appear“ Again, another old idiom which dates back to the 16th century. This one is probably about Ichiro and how he appears whenever he is called or whenever he is needed. Though it could be a overall commentary on how the brothers are reliable no matter the situation

Ep. 3) “Two Heads Are Better Than One” - John Heywood This quote describes DoHifu pretty well. Its because these two work and rely on each other that they’re able to not only make it through each day but also make each day worth living. Because they help each other, but they’re not the same, they’re better for it. This could also apply to MTR as a whole being a team where each member thinks outside the box and their ideas collectively make such an interesting team

Ep. 4) “A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed” This one is an 11th century proverb which explains that in times of need, true friends will show their colors. That's the main mentality behind MTC though I believe that it applies to Rio in particular for this episode. While the entirety of MTC are willing to help each other in times of need, in this episode it mainly focused on Samatoki and Rio’s plights and how the members as a whole show that they are all true friends to each other

Ep. 5) “Seeing is Believing” The origins of this quote is blurry but there the bible seems to be the origin of this statement believe it or not. While it does fit the episode’s theme of ghosts and how rumor's can harm people and businesses, it doesn’t really describe FP like the other quotes do the other teams. I find it odd, but I hope that FP are redeemed in their next feature episode. FP deserves better and are being done dirty in the anime.

Ep. 6) “He Who Laughs Last, Laughs Best” - The Christmas Prince. I think this one is pretty nice in describing not only the episode but the series as a whole. It doesn’t matter who’s winning in the begging, or the middle. The final outcome is what really matters. It’s pretty apt for the series since even though The Party of Words are winning currently, its who wins by the end of the series that matters. The episode encompasses this pretty well too with the whole plotline.

Ep. 7) “The Darkest Hour is Just Before the Dawn” Dating back to 1950 ish, this one carries the simple There is hope in the worst circumstances message. Again, its pretty suitable for the series as a whole since the Party of Words might be making life harsh, but there’s still hope to be found in the world.

Ep. 8) “Dead men tell no tales” - Thomas Becon. NGL, this one scares me because it can either apply to MTC, or the universe as a whole. We’ll just have to wait till next week to know for sure but i think we’ll get some Jyuto angst with his parents

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #hypnosis mic rhyme anima #hypmic spoilers

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chromecutie · 4 years

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Not A Ghost - part 40

A/N - Multi-part fic. Colossus x OC where OC has come home after being wrongfully imprisoned in the Icebox. Warnings for whole fic - references and flashbacks to harsh prison environment, including various types of abuse.

NEW WARNING - fictional police brutality. Takes place shortly after events in Deadpool 2. Whole thing will end up on my AO3 eventually.

Masterlist on my profile!

Taglist: @emma-frxst @ra-ra-rasputiin @holamor @empressme-bitch @marvel-is-perfection @hazilyimagine @marvelhead17 @rovvboat @angstybadboytrash @whitewitchdown @master-sass-blast @mori-fandom @mooleche @dandyqueen @emberbent @leo-writer @silver-stormy . Wanna be added or removed? Holla at me.

-------------------------------------

During a particularly quiet night of Piotr’s vigil something hit the window hard enough to crack it. He was startled for an instant, but when the window cracked again, he got to his feet to see who or what was throwing things at the window. It was late evening and the fresh air that came in as he opened the window was welcome. To his surprise, Piotr looked down and found a visitor poorly concealed in the trees under the third story window.

“Juggernaut,” Piotr said.

The walking land mass of a mutant had a surprisingly non-threatening demeanor. The men watched each other carefully. After a moment of hesitation, Juggernaut asked, “How is she?”

Piotr was so taken aback by the question, he wasn’t sure how to answer. He glanced back at Rhonda, still sedated and breathing on a ventilator, but the beeping of the heart monitor was steady. The Russian replied, “My wife is nearly as unstoppable as you.” All things considered, it was true enough.

“She awake?”

Piotr gave a heavy sigh and shook his head, “Not yet.” He took a breath and paused, before offering, “I will tell her you came to visit.”

The Juggernaut gave - of all things - a thumbs up. “Will you tell her...tell her I said--”

“No promises?” Piotr finished his sentence.

Trees rustled in the breeze. “Yeah.” He gestured something like a wave, as if he wasn’t used to making friendly gestures.

As he turned to sneak away - as much as a mutant his size can sneak - Piotr said to his retreating back, “I think she will be happy to know you came.”

Ororo and Xavier headed up efforts to collect evidence and testimonies against the DMC. They brought in a brave attorney from Hell’s Kitchen who recognized the importance of bringing a big case against a government agency. They interviewed all the freed mutants from the Icebox about how they had gotten there, the conditions within the prison, and the behavior of the officers. They took careful photos of everyone’s injuries, the scabs and rashes around their necks left by the collars, and kept the discarded yellow jumpsuits as evidence. A certain reptilian woman and the man who stayed close to her at all times had slipped away right after they had given their interviews. No one knew how or when, but Mimi and Robinson were in the wind. The attorney was disappointed, as Edmund Robinson’s testimony as a former DMC officer was especially valuable, but he assured Xavier that he could find them again when they were needed most. Xavier arched a brow at this for a moment, as this attorney was blind, but he knew better than to underestimate people. "I'm sure you will, Mr. Murdock," he said. "Thank you."

When the injuries to Rhonda’s brain and lungs had improved enough to remove the ventilator, the doctors kept her sedated for another day. The whole time he had stayed with her, Piotr had kept careful tabs on what the staff were doing. He had more than once stopped nurses from accidentally giving her double doses of medication, as some nurses took better notes than others on their rounds.

Their friends visited every day. Ororo brought Piotr tea, coffee, fresh clothes, light meals when she could persuade him to eat. Hank met with the doctors and compared notes, even studying the effects the DMC control collars had had on the other mutants. Ellie was as heartsick as Piotr himself, and Yukio did her best to comfort them both, reminding them, “Hospitals are anxious places. We will all feel better at home, and we will get to go home soon.”

Xavier himself visited as often as he could. He asked Piotr questions about what happened, persistent without being overbearing. It was difficult to get Piotr to open up about it, but eventually he made enough euphemisms that Xavier guessed what he had seen his wife do.

Finally, Piotr admitted, “She was...deeply afraid she would no longer be welcome with us.” He held one of Rhonda’s hands between both of his, keeping it warm.

“Ah,” Xavier nodded somberly. “The first rule of our code - we do not kill.” He steepled his fingers and tapped them together. “As you know, our code is important to clarify for ourselves where we stand, what we value. Heaven knows the politicians and the news outlets are wrong about us more often than not.” He sighed and wheeled his chair around to Rhonda’s opposite side.

Rhonda’s fingernails were clean, but chipped and ragged - evidence from her fight that no one had thought to smooth out yet. Xavier wrapped his hand around her fingers, careful to avoid the IV line taped to the back of her palm. “Do you know,” he asked Piotr, “the first time I met her, it was in a hospital?” Piotr frowned for a moment, then nodded when he remembered. It was a story Rhonda had told him only once. Xavier continued, “I knew then that Rhonda was capable of killing, if she did not learn control and if circumstances pushed her to such. I like to think I trained her well, but nothing could have prepared her for what happened. All this."

Piotr’s silence was tense. The question burned at the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t make it come out. Xavier didn’t seem in any hurry, content to sit quietly and reflect.

Finally, the old man said, “I have promised her before that she would always have a home with us. That won’t change.” He gave Piotr a dignified nod, and wheeled his chair down the hall, warmly greeting nurses as he went.

When Wade visited he usually had Cable with him, though once he had Russell tagging along. Russell was polite and gave Piotr his respects, promising that he was studying hard to qualify for the X-Men program. Cable, per usual, was almost as quiet as Piotr while Wade chattered away, making jokes that were hilarious to himself even if no one else laughed along. All joking aside, Wade was the one most likely to get Piotr to take a walk around the hospital, or even step outside to get some air, promising to stay with Rhonda until he got back.

“Don’t worry, big guy,” Wade teased, “If she wakes up, I’ll tell her I’ve always been her husband and you were a coma dream.” He snorted a short laugh, even as Piotr rolled his eyes and lumbered out of the room for a short walk.

Piotr had been gone all of six minutes when Cable felt the sleeping woman’s mind start to stir into consciousness. He sat bolt upright in his chair in surprise. “Wade,” he said quietly with a sharp tone, “She’s waking up. Go get him.”

Wade whined, “What? But I wanna do the thing, I wanna do my bit!”

“Now!” Cable growled. Wade hustled from the room, calling none too quietly for Colossus as he went, leaving Cable and Rhonda alone.

Slowly, she blinked her heavy eyelids open. It took a few moments before she could gather her wits enough to figure out her surroundings. Rhonda heard beeping, then realized there was tape on her wrists, the lights felt too bright, she saw the plain pale green blanket covering her, and finally saw Cable.

“Mornin’, friend,” he kept his voice low, but gave her a kind, bright smile. “Don’t try to move, here,” he pressed the lift control and the bed angled with a gentle whirring sound to support Rhonda in a sitting position.

Her gaze drifted over the room, still putting the pieces together. Finally, she realized the metal hand touching her shoulder was Cable, and not her husband. Her heart sank, and she croaked, “Oh.” She remembered Piotr had seen her kill several people, but she couldn't remember what happened after that. Had he dropped her off at the hospital and left? Her throat ached, and her mouth was so dry. There was a dull pain in her ribs that throbbed with each breath. As the feeling of raw abandonment started to swallow her, she felt the sticky sensation in her mind of Cable grazing her thoughts; she was still too groggy to resist.

“Hey, hey,” he put a cup of water in her hands and bent the straw for her. “Your husband’s here. We made him step out for a minute for a break, but he’ll be back any second now, okay?” He watched Rhonda’s brow furrow, processing what he said. “He hasn’t left your side the whole time you’ve been here - except when we made him.”

Piotr rushed into the room, Wade on his heels. When he saw his wife, finally awake after nine days, and sitting up in bed, his face lit into a bright smile. He exclaimed softly, “Rhonda!” The confusion and apprehension in her expression made him pause. He glanced at his friends, and Cable quickly took the hint and dragged Wade away, giving the Rasputins privacy.

“H-how are you feeling?” he asked. “Are you in pain? I can call the nurses...”

Rhonda took another sip of water before replying, “S-sore…”

Taking a step closer, Piotr’s smile faded with doubt. “Rhonda...I’m sorry I could not protect you.”

She thought hard, her brain still fuzzy. She had survived the Icebox - again. “I guess I managed,” her voice had a coarse rasp.

Slowly, he came closer and sat in the chair on her left side. He was fidgeting with the end of his pinkie on one hand. When he pulled his opposite hand away, he revealed the faux-bronze silicone ring he had given Rhonda, the same day the DMC had captured her again. It hadn’t even been two weeks ago, but their separation had felt like years all over again. Piotr held the band as if it were made of glass. Heart in his throat, voice heavy, he asked, “Do you still want this?”

Rhonda took a breath that hurt and asked, “Do you? I...you saw what I did.” She was fuzzy on some of the details of how she’d gotten out of the Icebox, but over and over she re-lived Piotr walking in on her electrocuting a handful of guards, and the look of revulsion on his face. She tried to say more, but she was already winded and was forced to pause to breathe a while.

“I want…” he started slowly, “For you to heal. I want for you to be happy. And I want to be part of that as much as you will have me.” He took some deep breaths and armored down. His blue eyes were glazed with tears and his beard needed a little trimming. He still handled the ring like priceless treasure. “Rhonda...I will always live with the regret that I did not search for you a little longer. I will always regret that I could not prevent the things that happened to you.” He sniffled and scooted the chair a little closer. “Whatever you want now, I will do all I can to help you get it.”

Rhonda took a shaky breath, head throbbing. She sipped the water again and said, “I want to go home. I want to eat your cooking. I…” she had to pause to breathe again. She wanted to dance, she wanted to stay close to her friends, to be surrounded by soft, warm things, and to never think of the DMC or the Icebox again. She pulled another sip of water.

He took a moment to swallow and breathe around the lump in his throat. He looked down at the ring as he turned it over in his fingers. “You should know...we brought home a lot of prisoners. So far, seven of them match missing person reports.” Piotr paused and watched his wife’s face as understanding dawned on her, “Sladkaya, that’s seven families getting reunited, seven people who were kidnapped by the DMC who can get their lives back. No matter what else you have done, you are also a hero.”

Rhonda struggled to breathe slowly and shallowly enough not to aggravate the pain in her ribs, but she was close to sobbing. Tears blurred her vision as she nodded. She reached for her husband, the love of her life, and in half a second his arms were around her. His beard tickled as he kissed her forehead, her lips, her cheeks.

As much as Rhonda had grappled with shame and doubt in the last few months, the reassurance she felt in his arms was a balm on her soul. Her worst fear hadn't come true. They could figure out everything else.

Later, when Rhonda could speak a little easier, she told Piotr some of what she remembered, asking him to fill in details from the rescue. Wade sat with them, and had the lung power and the energy to give much more colorful accounts than Rhonda could.

“By the way, uh,” Wade’s typically jovial demeanor evaporated, almost to the point of breaking out in a nervous sweat. Piotr could only recall seeing him nervous about one or two things in the time he’d known him, and it worried him. “In the Icebox, uh, Rhonda and I, um…”

Piotr waved a hand, “Wade, whatever it is, if it helped the two of you survive, you did what you had to do.”

Heaving the longest sigh in human history, Wade shook his shoulders, and then blurted, “I slept with your wife. I mean! We huddled for warmth? Nothing happened. We had loud sex - but it was fake--” he devolved into a lot of babbling. Piotr frowned, then looked at Rhonda, who gave a tired nod to confirm he was telling the truth. However, when Wade said, “It's okay, I didn’t even get hard!” is when Piotr finally had to speak.

“What?”

“Yeah, don’t worry, she’s uh...not my type?” Wade shrugged and turned to Rhonda, “Nothing personal.”

The Russian scoffed, then started laughing in disbelief. “Have you - have you looked at her? Did you even see her naked?”

Rhonda interjected, “Piotr.”

Wade’s babbling stopped short, face scrunched. Baffled, he replied, “Nnnno? Well - wait, no, we’re not counting when the Icebox goons hosed us down, right?”

Rolling his eyes with a big sigh, Piotr said, “Wade, I thought you would have taste. I thought you of all people would understand this--” he gestured at Rhonda as if she were a revered Renaissance painting, “Is objectively beautiful."

From her hospital bed, patched over in so many yellowing bruises and bandages she might pass for a shabby quilt, Rhonda gave a weak smile, “Honey, that’s really sweet, but I look and feel like microwaved dog shit right now.”

“Yeah,” Wade gestured in agreement, “Microwaved dog shit.”

As her husband started arguing with their friend in earnest, mentioning sketchbooks full of nudes he'd drawn, Rhonda sighed, “Okay,” and clicked the button near her hand for another dose of pain meds.

At the click, Piotr paused and asked, “Wait, are you hurting? Should I call the nurse?”

“No,” she said slowly, already getting drowsy, “but it makes me sleep and that’s my only way out of this conversation. Good night.”

By the time Piotr’s parents arrived to visit, Rhonda was in much better spirits and almost ready to go home. The older Rasputins, Alexandra and Nicolai, came into the room and chattered excitedly in Russian. Alexandra pinched Rhonda’s cheeks, touched her hair, kissed her head as she said, “[We missed you so much, sweet girl! All this time!]”

From the other side of the bed, Nicolai kissed her cheek and had tears in his eyes. “[We always hoped you would come home again someday, and here you are.]” He glanced briefly at Rhonda's tattooed arm, but when she covered it as best she could with the blanket, he dropped whatever he was going to ask.

Her in-laws had always talked to her as if she was one of their own children, and it was something that made Rhonda’s heart melt every time. “[I’m so glad you’re here. It’s great to have you close. Is Ilyana here? Misha?]”

“[She’ll be here soon,]” Piotr smiled from the foot of the bed. “[My brother is still away on a mission.]”

Alexandra clicked her tongue, tossing her head indignantly, “[Your sister in-law coming back from the dead isn’t a good enough reason to come back down from space, or the other dimension, or wherever it is my children go.]” She waved a hand dismissively, acting intensely annoyed for a moment, but she smiled and winked at Rhonda.

Rhonda’s face split in a grin and she started to laugh, but winced and held her side, just below her ribs.

Nicolai threw his hands up and turned to his son. He said dryly, “[I told you. You have to stop pinching her! She’s like a delicate lily in your hands.]”

The nonchalant mock-accusation made Rhonda laugh harder and she had to hold herself together - literally. “[Yup. All this],” she gestured to her generally injured self, “[he decided tickling me was a good idea.]”

Piotr rolled his eyes and shook his head at the ceiling, powerless against his parents’ innocent jokes, especially when his wife played along. “[You better hope I don’t tickle you any time soon.]”

“[Yeah, I won’t be able to run,]” Rhonda pointed at her feet. “[The doctor said…]” she fumbled for the right words in Russian before switching to English, “I might have nerve damage and I’m not supposed to put weight on them yet.” She performed a brave face for his parents, but her initial heartbreak when the doctor told her dancing was out of the question for a while was still fresh in Piotr’s mind.

“Ah, well,” Alexandra nodded sagely. “Doctors, they do not know everything. Perhaps you are too old to join the Bolshoi,” she playfully poked some fine lines near Rhonda’s eyes, “But we know you will be on your feet dancing again.”

There was a lull as they shared smiles, and Nicolai set his eyes on the Jello on Rhonda’s lunch tray, uneaten. “[Are you going to eat that, my girl?]” he pointed at the mass of blue cubes.

Rhonda nudged it toward him, “[Have it, please. I am so tired of Jello.]”

Alexandra scoffed and gave her husband a judgemental glare, before waving to her son, “[Come sit, Piotr, I have something for you both.]”

Smiling at his parents’ antics, Piotr did as his mother said and brought a chair up beside his father. Alexandra carried a large, utilitarian purse, and pulled from it an oval-shaped package wrapped in a Russian newspaper and twine. She had an excited twinkle in her eyes as she put it in Rhonda’s hands. “[This should be with the two of you,]” she said.

Rhonda smiled, but her brow twitched to a furrow with curiosity. She had Piotr break the twine, and when she folded the newspaper back she gasped. On her lap was a tray, painted black with beautifully brushed flowers and gold detailing. It was chipped and worn in a few spots, but in excellent condition considering it was about a hundred years old. “The zhostovo tray!” Rhonda’s jaw dropped. “I get to have this?” She held it to her chest and her eyes welled with tears even before Alexandra nodded, beaming.

With the tray across her lap, Rhonda lovingly traced the gold scrollwork with her fingertips, barely brushing the surface. There was a stark contrast between the aged, soft painting and the jagged lines of Rhonda’s X tattoos, but as she laid her hand flat on the tray, she had an idea.

#not a ghost #xmen fanfic #colossus x oc #piotr rasputin x oc #deadpool fanfic #deadpool

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paunchsalazar · 5 years

Note

hey!! bro ur my number #1 source for lupin III content so can I ask like how in the hell I go about watching all the series / movies / etc for it in order??? I’m really pumped for the live action so I wanna at least dip into all the other stuff. thanking ya kindly //tips hat

hello!!! what an honor!! oh my… ok I’m so sorry in advance… I’ve gotten a few similar asks and I started writing out a list and it was getting over 1500 words long so I had to try to chill out…so…

LUPIN III CRASH COURSE

I’m sorry that this is so long.. and consider I cut it down! but here is my intro because I know this franchise is huge and confusing!! (I’ve had multiple instances of friends being like ‘I tried to find that Lupin thing you like but I could only find the third one?’)

I kind of liken it to Scooby Doo? it stretches some 60 years and has been handled by many different writers, directors, and animators across very different eras? most important to know! the order doesn’t really matter and things aren’t really sequential (save for where the three most recent shows) so you can jump in and explore whatever seems compelling! it’s overwhelming because there is so much but also nice because there’s something for everybody! if you like fun and pure, edgy, etc. etc.

feel free to disregard everything coming… I will say my personal priority order is

- Castle of Cagliostro

- some episode of part 2

- part IV, ideally all of it! there’s filler but it’s hard to know which ones

- part I (or some episodes of it? up to you!)

- Fuma Conspiracy

- part V

- part III (it’s great too!! just not as sequential as IV and V)

- First Contact… truly indulgent but its so cute!

(below I broke down a little about each and my favorite episodes, where to find them, etc. and there’s so much more but just doing everything below is a whole lot)

TV (All the shows except for The Woman Called Fujiko Mine are on Crunchyroll!)

Part 1 (1971) - crunchyroll!

The beginnings kind of a weird feeling because the first half was directed with one vision vs. the second half being co-directed by Takahata and Miyazaki, there’s a shift in Lupin’s personality and most significantly they sought to shed his ‘sense of apathy’ and make him more of a hero? something that’s echoed later on! honestly, I don’t think the transition is as dramatic as some people find it? but it does shift across the episodes and end on a sweet note!

truly they all have something to enjoy but I made note of

episodes 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, 16, 18, 19, 23

for some reason? really really suggest watching the last episode! but get a bit of the first and second half beforehand!

Part II/Red Jacket (1977-80) - 155 episodes - on crunchyroll dubbed and subbed

there are a lot so I tried to narrow it down to a few of my favorites/ particularly noteworthy ones? I bolded my absolute favorites! I’m sure I missed a few but save for a few two-episode arcs you can jump in anywhere and it’ll be fine.

episodes 1-79 are dubbed on Crunchyroll! In my personal opinion the script makes it worth it!! there are a bunch of non-dubbed episodes anyway if you want to get a feel for both

(these episode titles are often hilarious, misleading, and/or horribly embarrassing?)

1 - ‘The Return of Lupin the Third’ - just a good starting point!

5 - ‘Will the Leaning Tower of Pisa Be Standing?’

6 - ‘Tutankhamen’s 3,000-Year-Old Curse’

7 - ‘Venetian Super Express’ - I want to say this is a cute little road trip episode? it’s been so long

9 - ‘Steal the FIle M123’ - this dub… madness. very strange Christopher Walken impression for absolutely no reason?

10 - ‘Bet on the Monaco Grand Prix’

15 - ‘Crude Reproduction, Perfect Frame’ - Lupin keeps committing strange and uncharacteristic crimes, but he has no memory of doing so!

29 - ‘Fly Me to the Moon’ - Lupin has some mysterious Levitation Technique and everyone is after it

32 - ‘Lupin the Interred’ A famed hitman is after Lupin!

34 - ‘But Your Brother Was Such A Nice Guy’ - this episode is one of the zaniest ones and that’s saying a lot… Vampires? Jesus? Really really funny moments though especially in the dub

42 - ‘Cruisin’ in Drag’ Lupin infiltrates the ship of a wealthy bachelor disguised as a woman

45 - ‘Diamonds and Minx’ kind of a mess of people stealing from each other?

46 - ‘The Island of Dr. Derange’

57 - ‘Alter-Ego Maniac’ - Inspector Zenigata goes criminal

62 - ‘Church of the Poison Mind’ - Jigen and Goemon stumble into a religious cult

69 - ‘Zenigata Getcha Into My Life’ - this title is awful but this episode is great.

78 - ‘Ice, Robot’ - an inventor has made a machine that can cry diamonds!

79 - ‘Baton Death March’

81 - ‘Fujiko, Men are a Sorry Lot!” - Fujiko gets engaged to a Prince, the rest of the gang goes after the monarchy’s Golden Bell

96 - ‘Lupin’s Gourmet World’ tbh this is a vore episode but there are some great gang moments here and a really fun third act

99 - ‘Fighting Jigen’ - first anime episode (I think like in history? but I could’ve misread) in stereo! And I believe the first to air of the TMS staff’s work, you can tell because the style shifts to a more Miyazaki/Cagliostro look and this will keep happening for the rest of the show

101 - ‘Fervent Love at Versailles’ - a crossover episode with Rose of Versailles!

103 - ‘The Wolf Looked at an Angel’ - Goemon is an angel I can say little else

104 - ‘The Most Dangerous Golden Bed’ - debut of perhaps the best opening! I love this episode?? so much?

112 - ‘Danger! Goemon’

122 - ‘An Unusual End to an Expedition for Napoleon’s Treasure’

143 - ‘The Miami Bank’

145 - ‘Wings of Death: Albatross’ - ah yes, one of the famed Miyazaki-directed episode, truly so worth it

151 - ‘To Arrest Lupin, the Mission at the Highway’ - another not exactly Miyazaki episode but a lot of the people he trained? They depart from the part 2 style(s) again but its a good bit of fun all around! Really lovely character animation

152 - ‘Jigen and the Hatless Pistol’ - Jigen loses his hat and thus his ability to shoot

155 - ‘Thieves Love the Peace/Farewell, Dear Lupin’ - the finale episode! Miyazaki-directed as well, and just beautiful

Part III (1984) - 50 episodes - crunchyroll!

I’m still very early in this one so I can’t say much yet! But it gets a bad rep? Perhaps for being more inconsistent stylistically and a bit on the zanier end! But I really like it!! these drawings are such a blast! I think each bit has its merits and this one is no exception. Plus with all their freedom animation-wise they can do a lot of fun stuff!

The Woman Called Fujiko Mine (2012) - 13 episodes - on kissanime for certain and I think animetake?

this is the most dramatic departure from the rest of the shows/films/specials. Fujiko Mine is the star of this part! It definitely has less obviously plot-important episodes but it’s one narrative from start to finish. I must note that it’s by far Lupin’s edgiest, I think it’d be safe to deem this part as R-Rated. There’s sex, violence, sexual violence, abuse, bodily mutilation, obsession… a gay character who gets a pretty tragic fate (at first I was excited by the very existence of an LGBT+ character but he really goes through the wringer and never gets a resolution.. I don’t want to spoil). This is probably Lupin at his ickiest? I do like Jigen’s personality here! And his dynamic with Fujiko, but it’s a lot more disjointed than the other parts. She meets each of them separately and towards the end, Lupin and Jigen interact more but there’s barely a time when they’re all together. That’s not meant to be a deterrent but personally, I’m a sucker for their friendship and love them as a group so it’s a bit of a bummer. Sequential plot-wise though! This one is definitely captivating, a bit disturbing, and there is a plot-twist that really got me. The villain design is really cool too!

Part IV (2015) - 26 episodes - on crunchyroll, also dubbed on Funimation

This part is narrative-based and sequential! It still has some more standalone episodes but there’s definitely an overarching story throughout! I think they’re all worth watching and might leave little important bits that’ll be confusing later on. Essentially this part takes place in Italy for the most part and starts with Lupin getting married to a multi-millionaire heiress/model/celebrity who wants to get into the thief business. This one feels like a good combination of old and new, it’s not quite as silly as the earlier parts can be, but it’s full of nostalgia while still feeling original. I really had a good time!

This dub isn’t bad but!! It comes with a different opening and soundtrack, I guess Lupin’s pretty big in Italy and perhaps there were licensing issues? I’m not sure? But it’s a bit of a bummer to be without the Yuji Ohno soundtrack. The alternate opening feels more like a collection of stills and footage found throughout the show? It’s not horrible, just different! Regardless, the Part IV Japanese OP (vs. the Italian/US one) is worth a watch!

Part V (2018, airing on Adult Swim right now, summer 2019!) - 23 episodes

I’m actually not done with this part but its good fun! more directly tied to part iv then the others are to each other. It’s more sequential as well with a few sub-arcs and since it fell on the franchise’s anniversary it has callback episodes with Lupin in various jackets in various tones. Interesting Lupin characterization here… he seems… sadder, wistful? and we get hints of Lupin lore! Lots of fanservice but… I love it! I still think they could’ve pushed it more? it feels somehow more reserved than part IV in some ways, which is already different from the 70s and 80s, but it’s got a lot of lovely moments!!

Films/TV Specials

From 1989 to 2011 they had a special every year!! So much!

Castle of Cagliostro (1979) - Available on Netflix!

perhaps the best-known piece of media in the Lupin franchise? And rightly so. This film is Hayao Miyazaki’s directing debut and a blast from start to finish! This characterization of Lupin is definitely Miyazaki’s more than Monkey Punch’s but that seems to be the strange nature of the Lupin franchise! I could really go on forever… please watch it!

The Fuma Conspiracy (1987) -

perhaps harder to find, but it’s on Kissanime! Goemon is getting married but before the ceremony is over the bride is taken by the Fuma ninja clan and the gang helps him to get her back as well as learn the story of a family heirloom? Really great stuff from everybody! Adorable Zenigata, the fluffiest and most handsome Goemon, cute Jigen, Fujiko, and Lupin interactions, a really really incredible car chase! Even with Cagliostro’s fame, this one has got some serious pizzazz

Episode 0: The First Contact (2002) - on Kissanime as well!

A journalist asks Jigen how he met Lupin III, this is probably my favorite TV special? And features one of my favorite opening scenes in the whole franchise. The instrumental!! Perhaps each member of the gang at their purest, whatever that means, really great moments between everybody and peak Lupin and Jigen meeting and somehow signing up to be life partners

#oh my god #i'm so sorry #please.. feel free to ignore this #lupin #lupin the third #lupin iii #lupin the 3rd #diggitydamnsebastianstan

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incarnateirony · 5 years

Text

S15 Spec/Discussion

So when the SPHT came out we all got to talking and I had some Thoughts(tm). Some of it is wildly speculatory but potential and interesting. I love the thinkie beans in my server.

I love our little roundtable of speculation and meta that routinely crops up, sometimes I feel like we should record it and make a podcast.

Charlie BreadbutteryYesterday at 9:34 PM

IM YELLING SO MUCH YELLING “you cant do this to the fans!” “i can do anything. im a writer.” FUCKING CHILLS

Leaf is a kittyYesterday at 9:36 PM

Jared's evil smirk has murdered me

Charlie BreadbutteryYesterday at 9:38 PM

yesssss

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:38 PM

So we have Sam in a white suit MoC

Charlie BreadbutteryYesterday at 9:38 PM

btw chucks lame ending is hilarious

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:38 PM

The colt

CastielYesterday at 9:39 PM

THAT WAS A THIng

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:39 PM

G L O R I F I E D F A N B O Y

CastielYesterday at 9:39 PM

I came out of aladdin to that

Charlie BreadbutteryYesterday at 9:39 PM

IM SCREAMING

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:39 PM

Adam and most likely Michael taking in a diner Talking

CastielYesterday at 9:39 PM

Psfuck what anybody says the new aladdin is amazing

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:39 PM

Scruffy endverse Dean

CastielYesterday at 9:40 PM

I jave never Ever Seen such masterful seaming of cartoonverse cgi To real actorsHoly fuck me

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:40 PM

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT ALADDIN RIGHT NOW

Leaf is a kittyYesterday at 9:40 PM

LMAO

CastielYesterday at 9:40 PM

I CAN DO BOTH LOOK

Leaf is a kittyYesterday at 9:40 PM

I AGREE ABOUT ALADDIN

CastielYesterday at 9:40 PM

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I WISH I WENT TO THAT SHIT HIGH

Leaf is a kittyYesterday at 9:41 PM

but JARED SMIRK IS MURDERING MEI CAN'T STOP LOOKING BACK AT THE VIDEO FOR IT

CastielYesterday at 9:41 PM

Yeah i intend to watch on pc when i canIm mobile rn

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:41 PM

And of course the crypt door being held shut with a screwdriver As direct14.10 parallel

CastielYesterday at 9:41 PM

Like we literally just left aladdin hence the yelling Yes yes Ive got him Im the cage Etc

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:42 PM

GlorifiedFanboy Is that not what I said friggin months ago?!

CastielYesterday at 9:42 PM

On brand a+ dean from whoever wrote that Ill guess Bobo or buckner For glorified fanboy line

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:43 PM

What? Do they read our tweets?

Charlie BreadbutteryYesterday at 9:43 PM

lol

CastielYesterday at 9:43 PM

Bobo reads mine a lot?

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:43 PM

I stg I heard that line and almost screamed

CastielYesterday at 9:43 PM

I never did upload his nerdy video to me in hindsight

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:44 PM

Interesting that they didn't use a single shot of Alex

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:44 PM

No AlexAt all

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:44 PM

So it's not gonna be just a hallucination with burnt out eyes No Billie either

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:45 PM

No empty

CastielYesterday at 9:45 PM

No its full on chuck villain framing its my sound of war vid with s15 footage dhdhdhd

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:46 PM

Yeah well it all blended into inky black at the end But that's hardly conclusive

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:46 PM

True

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:46 PM

Since that happens a lot in trailers

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:46 PM

Maybe that’s for later in the season Or Maybe it’s a big secret

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:46 PM

10 bucks says they abandoned the Cas deal And that's the hill I die on

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:47 PM

Bc that’s how they fight Chuck? They can’t abandon that already It’s too fresh

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:48 PM

To me it read as a gateway to the Empty getting Jack

CastielYesterday at 9:48 PM

Placing bets now. Ep 1-3 is deancas tension over mary and jack and feeling distanced from the winchesters leaves eps 4 and 5. We know he works with sam at least briefly in 6. Deancas reunion in 7 midseason scheduled for 8 or 9. Deancas resolution then

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:48 PM

Before they knew for sure

CastielYesterday at 9:48 PM

Midseason finale whatever theyre keeping in the door

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:48 PM

That it was their final season To possibly stretch the plot accordeon

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:49 PM

Maybe final battle is with the empty and not chuck

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:49 PM

But now they've lost the need for a middle man ie Cas Nah

CastielYesterday at 9:49 PM

Id need more than a promo trailer to figure out if resolving cas is midseason or endgame

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:49 PM

Is amara coming back?

CastielYesterday at 9:49 PM

Yes

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:50 PM

Dabb confirmed it's early

CastielYesterday at 9:50 PM

And deans weird old friend

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:50 PM

She wasn’t there either

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:50 PM

Yeah 15.02 I think Or 04? Very early

CastielYesterday at 9:50 PM

Its as much a mood piece as a trailer

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:50 PM

Was that Becky talking to Chuck?

CastielYesterday at 9:51 PM

Yes

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:51 PM

I think so

CastielYesterday at 9:51 PM

You cant do this to the fans

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 9:51 PM

ITS GLORIOUS

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:51 PM

It sounded like her

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 9:51 PM

It’s her

CastielYesterday at 9:51 PM

We knew she was coming back Well

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:51 PM

Yea

CastielYesterday at 9:51 PM

Speculated educatedly

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 9:51 PM

I’m so mad! I was just about to go to bed!

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:51 PM

When even the crazed fangirl looks sane by comparison

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 9:52 PM

And they dropped this

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:52 PM

Yeah I’ll never sleep now

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 9:52 PM

I HAVE TO

CastielYesterday at 9:52 PM

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:52 PM

Nah I'll head to bed in a few

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:52 PM

No. No sleep

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 9:52 PM

I’ve gotten no sleep the past three days

CastielYesterday at 9:52 PM

Points if they still frame it for a swipe at the bronlies like all the other becky jokes

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:52 PM

I find the fixation on the fan angle a bit weird

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:52 PM

Yaaaaassssss

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 9:53 PM

It seemed framed that way to me Min

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:53 PM

All the bronly jokes pls

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 9:53 PM

But maybe I’m just reading it with my own bias

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 9:53 PM

But it's only 2 pieces of Chuck dialogue so

CastielYesterday at 9:53 PM

Yeah

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 9:54 PM

And he’s a melodramatic fuck

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:54 PM

I’ll forever want to refer to him as “glorified fanboy” Put it on a shirt

CastielYesterday at 9:55 PM

God imagine chuck bringing back kevin as his prophet to take down his word as the gospel of winchester is designed to end only in being felled, and only by the glory of god. He cant finish off his own book to print the new gospel

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:56 PM

Here to say fuck you chuck

CastielYesterday at 9:57 PM

What if we big bounce and he dubs adam the new michael since we saw jack. Can convert humans to angels

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:57 PM

Megalomaniacal Michael?

CastielYesterday at 9:58 PM

Kicking down the castles in his own sandbox as revelations told before, before men found the new gospel of the glory of god. Revelations might not be a prophecy. It may be history.

Lissa JoYesterday at 9:59 PM

Interesting

CastielYesterday at 9:59 PM

Wildly speculatory and just playing but

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 10:00 PM

Oh the adam Michael idea

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:01 PM

I'm very glad about Chuck being in early episodes Adam is 100% gonna be Michael Cause all the summaries made it sound Like they weren't utilizing him

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 10:03 PM

It does sound like OG Michael is gonna be a real issue and it makes sense for it to be Adam

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:03 PM

CastielYesterday at 10:09 PM

WHICH THEY MYSTERIOUSLY PLUGGED AT THE END OF THE SEASON

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:10 PM

Yeah but he'd still be Adam and not Michael Just

CastielYesterday at 10:10 PM

if michael is useless to chuck as is, which he may or may not have been lying about MAKEA NEW

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:10 PM

Archangel Adam

CastielYesterday at 10:10 PM

MICHAEL YES

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:10 PM

Oh Doesn't fit with the pic above tho

CastielYesterday at 10:10 PM

Find another Eve. Oh look universal big bounce and I have a new mythology jazz hands Or better a Lilith Also this is literally unstoppable force immovable object logic if chuck can't destroy the human soulzapping the winchesters to death is just a stall game of exhausting futility they've proven they will inevitably doorkick down every afterlife or wherever they're cycled to what if there's like a hilariously extreme mystery spot where you see mini adventures out of whatever afterlife but eventually justtruncated to ridiculous extremes Chuck: -_-

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:18 PM

Like that's a given with all the scattered bits. Either Lucifer Sam and MoC Dean etc become big plot points Or they're part of Redux Mystery Spot

CastielYesterday at 10:18 PM

side eyes hidden mytharc uh

CastielYesterday at 10:18 PM

I really hope we didn't get the MOC Dean thing too close rip

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:19 PM

Why did you have to connect those two promo subplots for meW h y

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:20 PM

Also Cas next to that burnt up body I hope it isn't just Victim Of The Week

CastielYesterday at 10:20 PM

I'm wondering about the "arrogant betrayal" promo line on ep... 3 is it?

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:21 PM

Yeah

CastielYesterday at 10:21 PM

Is it gonna be meaningful or is this like

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:21 PM

Nah

CastielYesterday at 10:21 PM

bringing back Sergei

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:21 PM

PR vagueblog

CastielYesterday at 10:21 PM

from his Byzantium bullshit

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:21 PM

The BL ep is 15.02 tho

CastielYesterday at 10:22 PM

authors sometimes soak up impact of -- oh no

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:22 PM

What

CastielYesterday at 10:23 PM

okay so let's pretend say, bobo or whoever wanted to finish up buckleming's plot point, or at least partially since it's the tie up season, but they knew they had to write misha out for a few episodes and with deancas tensions driving Cas away already, throwing out a Going For Revenge That Will Backfire spin before storming out for a few eps

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:24 PM

But then it would be Dean not being able to forgive the "betrayal"It's gotta be something else Watch it be like

CastielYesterday at 10:24 PM

the betrayal vague blog is about sergei in that thing

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:24 PM

Kevin working for Chuck

CastielYesterday at 10:24 PM

it's the phrasing "arrogant" that catches me

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:25 PM

Most vague summaries hardly fit the actual plot points anyway It's just to sound mysterious

CastielYesterday at 10:25 PM

no but it would be easier to simply not apply an adjective "Castiel deals with a betrayal" is still vague

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:25 PM

Yeah but adjectives give oomph

CastielYesterday at 10:26 PM

arrogant is an odd idea for even the vague bloggiest vague blogger to tilt towards after skimming the content so I really doubt it's like kevin being forced to betray them or something like thatso unless it's about chuck himself, unlikely just too early for that level of RAAA

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:28 PM

Oh right didn't Misha say Cas struggles with this new Chuck reveal

CastielYesterday at 10:28 PM

well yeah thats kinda a duh

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 10:28 PM

I think the arrogant betrayal is in reference to Chuck

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:29 PM

So maybe it's just oddly phrasing that Yea

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 10:29 PM

It’s a kinda weird phrasing imo

CastielYesterday at 10:29 PM

like on the one hand cas knows Chuck isn't father of the year so I think on a personal level it's not surprising, it's more the existential level for him previously chuck was a shit dad that was just trying his best in a world far too easy to do his worst, even as god, thinking he was generally trying to be inherently good

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:30 PM

I hope Megatron comes back :)

CastielYesterday at 10:30 PM

that last scrap of faith is also kind of critically attached to his very existance because if god is evil and part of this cruel design what has his entire pre-winchester existence been, and even waxing and waning through it in his time with them

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 10:31 PM

Yeah I think deep down part of his core sense of self is the idea that he comes from the side of good

CastielYesterday at 10:31 PM

the fundamental loss of "god is good" is kinda quantifiably huger to him, whereas the humans more will have to grapple with "What is free will, did we ever have it"

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 10:31 PM

And this rips that away

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:32 PM

Unrelated but the promo sorta Nulls the early human Cas idea

CastielYesterday at 10:32 PM

yeah I noticed that, but it was odd

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 10:33 PM

Yeah I agree

CastielYesterday at 10:33 PM

i'm putting down at least foreshadowing then

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:33 PM

Unless they pulled all of the Misha footage From like ep 1 and 2

CastielYesterday at 10:33 PM

or chuck playing with the light switch for shits and giggles

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 10:33 PM

He does still have that shotgun

CastielYesterday at 10:33 PM

we know cas has his coat back in like

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:33 PM

Watch Cas come back from his sabbatical

CastielYesterday at 10:33 PM

idkwe've seen him with it back

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:33 PM

With his grace ripped out

CastielYesterday at 10:34 PM

put it in a karambit i mean what

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 10:34 PM

Snort

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:34 PM

NOT SURE MISHA CAN HANDLE THAT Like on a pure choreography level

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 10:34 PM

Are you suggesting Misha isnt grace itself?For shame

Dean WinchesterYesterday at 10:35 PM

Not at all COUGH He has a cat-like agility

Mary BADASS WinchesterYesterday at 10:35 PM

LIKE A CAT

CastielYesterday at 10:38 PM

KSJDFksjdf I think younger misha could have but knowing he's always at risk of blowing out his hip probably not so much now like I feel that limitation in my soul

GarthToday at 6:17 AM

Okay so I don't think Amara is a made up character. I think she is Chuck's sister for real (or whatever they claim as siblings) but he used his story to trap her. Help fuel his plot.

Dean WinchesterToday at 6:17 AM

Like to me personally the option of Amara being made up has the best potential for an IC Chuck plot twist Esp since I still hold the idea that he lied about the universe going splat with his death"Writers lie"/"I'm a writer, I can do anything"

GarthToday at 6:18 AM

Well he did admit he's a liar rubs hands together This is gonna be so much fun

Charlie BreadbutteryToday at 6:19 AM

GOD THAT LINE THO

Dean WinchesterToday at 6:19 AM

And that would be a Dabb level retroactive canon ramification Which is sorta his thing

GarthToday at 6:19 AM

Mwahahahaha and he said said to Becky while she went on about "you can't do this to the fans!"

Charlie BreadbutteryToday at 6:19 AM

they make sense at least

Dean WinchesterToday at 6:20 AM

But I'm not sure they wanna go the route of Stripping a female character of her entire agency for male pleasure But I don't see a whole lot of options on how they take Amara out of the playing field Unless Chuck deadass eats her for the joint Godhead

GarthToday at 6:21 AM

Honestly he just might

Dean WinchesterToday at 6:22 AM

But that's like DBZ power level bullshit

Dean WinchesterToday at 6:26 AM

AU!Dean who's a baddy pls

GarthToday at 6:26 AM

Damn trailer successfully tripping us up

Dean WinchesterToday at 6:27 AM

Deadass just have pull the jackass from the 5.04 reality Maybe that's why Lucifer Sam is tied to a chair as well Like Chuck just put him in white clothes to paint a big target for endverse!Dean And it's actually just Sam

Charlie BreadbutteryToday at 6:28 AM

yeah that was my thought too

Dean WinchesterToday at 6:28 AM

BUT THAT IS THE SORTA SPECC THAT'S USUALLY TOO VAGUE FOR ME ALREADY And was that Singer Salvage?

GarthToday at 6:28 AM

We're just throwing things out there and laughing It looked like it might be

Charlie BreadbutteryToday at 6:29 AM

BEN JUST LET LOOSE BUD ITS OK

GarthToday at 6:29 AM

But the new building is throwing it off

Charlie BreadbutteryToday at 6:29 AM

THE CRACKIEST SPEC THE BETTER

GarthToday at 6:29 AM

Something else could have been built thoIt's been yrs

Dean WinchesterToday at 6:29 AM

LOOK MY WHOLE THING IS DOING ANALYSES BY GATHERING EVIDENCE THAT SUPPORTS MY ARGUMENT IT'S SEARED INTO MY BRAIN More cage imagery

12 notes · View notes

peachywise · 5 years

Text

nullify part 2

an umbrella academy fanfiction // klaus hargreeves x reader

- part ii: the broken alarm clock || ⋆ part i ⋆ part iii ⋆ part iv ⋆ part v ⋆ part vi ⋆ more parts to be released

- synopsis: You've heard of people having rude awakenings before, but you'd never actually experienced one yourself. That was until Klaus Hargreeves broke into your apartment, banging pots and breaking your clocks. This idiot just can't seem to go away.

- notes: wow, okay thanks for all the love so far on this guys!! I hope you enjoy part two. originally this had a lot more but it got a bit too long, so I cut it in half. part three will be up pretty soon. let me know if you want on the tag list. tw in this one for swearing, fire, and mild violence.

link on ao3

_______________________

Dreams have a funny way of making unconscious fears rear their god-forsaken heads in all too terrifying ways.

You’d been plagued by a particular nightmare for years, ever since you were a kid. It used to occur every night when things had been particularly bad, making your already so cruel waking days extend longer with sleep that should have been a type of escape. Now it only happened when you felt exhausted or anxious. Sometimes both. Okay, mostly both. You should have taken some comfort in the familiarity of the dream given the particular instability of your life, but alas, it was what it was.

And it was complete and utter horse shit.

It always started the same. You woke up in your childhood bedroom cluttered with crayon drawings and clothes scattered about, everything caught on fire like juvenile kindling. Your flannel pajama pants—the ones with the ugly looking green bunnies you thought were hilarious— had just caught a bit of the flame, burning away the fabric and charring and licking the skin of your leg, bubbling and making an awful smell. You barely managed to smack it out with your pillow before forcing your too adolescent and unstable force field up.

This was when the dream would begin to differ. Sometimes different things or people trailed into the room, watching you as you watched them, the house crumbling down to burning decay and ash while you sat crying in your little bubble, sweating and straining to keep it up and full. Sometimes they talked. Other times they didn’t. As you got older, anger tended to mix in with the panic and desperation you’d felt in the situation, aimed at whatever or whoever you believed had caused the flames.

Tonight, this dream's starring opponent stood all too close to you while you struggled and wailed. Reginald Hargreeves towered over your cowered figure, but your gaze wasn’t on him. No, your eyes fixated on the uniform-clad Five and the Cheshire grinning, kohl-lined eyed Klaus behind him who greeted you with an irritatingly ironic, “hey, hot stuff.”

Odd. You’d never felt both terrified and annoyed in these dreams before.

“It’s time for you to wake up.”

Well, that was new too.

“W-what?” You sputtered out, slightly loosening the death grip tight around your legs, eyes searching Klaus as his voice ringed louder and clearer than the haze and blaze of the fire.

“Come on, wake up!” Klaus yelled again, pushing Reginald away as he stepped up closer to your bubble, close enough to burst it.

And then your eyes cracked open, and your nightmare followed you into consciousness as one of your larger pots was placed so close to your face that you nearly smacked into it on time to the wooden spoon Klaus was already rhythmically slapping it with, hollering repeatedly as he did, “wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!”

No one could blame you for your knee jerk reaction. Any sane person would have reached over for their alarm clock and hit the person who broke into their apartment over the head like you just did now. No one would also blame you for screaming. Your brain hadn’t even registered yet that it was Klaus who loomed over you. It was a fucking jarring way to wake up, for Christ’s sake.

Klaus immediately dropped the pot and spoon to grab his head, yelling out an overdramatic, “ow!” Too bad the pot landed with a hard thud on your stomach, causing the air to rush out of you and a groggy groan to leave your still panicked body in unharmonized synchronization with his howl of pain.

The now broken alarm clock which stopped ticking in your hand probably would have let out a cry of pain too if it could. But it was dead. Klaus was going to be too in a moment.

“Look what you did!” You shouted, throwing the sheets off your body as you scrambled off your mattress, nearly tripping on your feet as you did. Shoving the clock in his face, you continued with, “you broke my clock!” using your other hand to subtly clear the sleep out of your eyes.

“I broke your clock? You broke my head!” Klaus bellowed back, gripping his forehead in a way you thought was just a little too theatrical.

Shoving his arm, your face furrowed in an aggravated frown as you grumbled out an exasperated, “and you broke into my apartment. I win. What’s next, want to break my sink as well? Go ahead, you’d be doing me a favour. It’s the only way the landlords going to come look at my shitty plumbing.”

“Oh, of course, pleasure to be of service,” sarcasm dripped from his tone, similarly to how the blood dripped on your clean carpet from the cut in his head when he removed his hand to give an equally as sardonic curtsey your way.

Great.

Turning to grab a handful of the Kleenex from your bedside table, you hurriedly reached up and pressed it to his head to stop any further damage befalling your security deposit. “stop bleeding on my stuff,” you swore. “Come on, let’s go to my bathroom.”

“First you hit me, and then want a morning triste in the bathroom?” Klaus tisked. “My my. You’re a little wildcat, aren’t you? I like it.”

You tried to ignore the fact he just followed up that comment with a growling noise like he was one of those creepy men in old 70’s movies, but you couldn’t. Instead, you decided not to take the moral high ground and flicked his cut over where you still had the Kleenex pressed. A pathetic exclamation of “hey!” brought a smug smile to your face.

“Come on, sit down. Let me see if I have anything to clean that up with,” you muttered, ushering him to sit on the lid of your closed toilet seat, grabbing his hand and putting it on the Kleenex-gauzed wound before bending down to rummage through the cabinet under the sink. “Want to tell me how you got in and why you’re here in the first place?” Sudden dread coursed through you as images of what else he could have broken flashed in your mind. Turning back around with wide eyes, you implored, “please tell me my front door isn’t hanging off its hinges.”

“Well you certainly think highly of me,” he uttered back, sniffling loudly as he slouched forward, eyes momentarily flashing behind you before quickly glancing your way again. “Your door is perfectly intact. But you really should lock the window on your fire escape. There are some nasty creatures out there. If you don’t watch out the boogeyman might get ya.”

Of course, he fucking climbed through the window. You bet he didn’t even try the door first, knocking or breaking in. His first instinct was to just climb up and—

Wait.

“I keep that unlocked because the ladder up to the fire escape is broken and I’m on the third floor. Did you bring your own ladder just to get in here? Forget the boogeyman, I’ve got a real life psycho sitting on my toilet. Did you happen to bring a knife too? Let me just get in the shower really fast and you can fulfill your Norman Bates fantasy. ”

“I mean, if you’re offering to get in the shower,” Klaus started, but before you could whack him on his wound again, it seemed like an invisible force slapped him upside the head, jerking him forward as he gave what was now his third cry of pain in under ten minutes. You were so shocked that you fell back on your butt, eyes frantically searching for whatever had made your thoughts turn into action. This wasn’t your power, right? You couldn’t do that. You didn’t want that. You would have a panic attack if—

“Christ on a cracker, Ben! It was only a joke! Death has made you so sensitive.”

Oh thank God, it was just a ghost.

Klaus sneered as his eyes glanced up at what was seemingly air in front of him as he had a conversation with his… invisible? Yeah, sure. Let’s go with his ‘invisible’ brother. “I am just being my perfectly charming self.” He paused, face reacting to whatever Ben must have said as he made the most melodramatic eye roll you had ever laid witness too. It was a little impressive, actually. Not that’d you mention it. No, you just watched the sideshow in front of you play on in jarred, mildly entertained, fascinated silence.

“I am not scaring ‘em off—” another pause, another exasperated shake of his head. “You don’t think I know that? I know we need them. If I go back there alone, our baby assassins going to shoot my balls off!”

Baby assassin? What, is like the new tickle me Elmo? If he was trying to ease Ben’s concerns, he was doing a terrible job of increasing yours while he did it.

As Klaus continued yelling, rambling on certain obscenities in the direction of your wallpaper peeled wall, you sat back up and turned back to your cabinet, pushing various bottle beside until you found the peroxide and cotton pads. Standing back up, you walked over to Klaus and swatted your hand in front of him, hoping to diffuse whatever argument had since gotten boring and headache inducing in your mind.

“As much as I’ve enjoyed this episode of Caspar the slap-happy ghost versus his dipshit brother, can you guys shut up long enough for me to clean this cut and get you the hell out of my apartment?”

Klaus immediately closed his mouth as both eyebrows shot up. Glancing over your shoulder one last time, he stage whispered to ghost boy, “they’re so touchy.”

Reaching over, you took the Kleenex from his hand to toss it in the trash, noting how the cut had stopped bleeding. Grabbing his chin, you wordlessly tilted his face up, angling it slightly towards the bathroom’s fluorescent light, leaning in closer to inspect it.

“Looks superficial. It’s fine” you stated, letting go of his face as you twisted the cap off the peroxide bottle, tilting it to soak one of the cotton pads.

“Well which is it, am I superficial or am I fine?” He quipped back, a lazy smile curving his lips.

Deadpanning, you replied, “you’re a pain,” before unceremoniously pressing the cotton pad to the cut maybe a bit too hard. Klaus once again winced in pain as he inhaled a sharp intake of breath, jerking his head away.

Well, make that four cries of pain now in under ten minutes. If it happened one more time, you wondered if you’d get a prize.

“Such cute pajamas for someone so utterly devilish,” he jibed, reaching out a hand to absently pluck the sleeve of your brightly blue coloured flannel. You slapped his hand away and he pouted like a child scorned. Oh, boo hoo.

Pressing the cotton pad back to his forehead, a little softer this time, Klaus visibly relaxed as you cleaned the wound. “You never answered my questions. Seriously, how did you get up that fire escape?”

“Well, if you haven’t figured it out yet, my darling brother has recently acquired the art of physical touch. I climbed on to his shoulders.”

Pausing, your eyes bugged out a bit as you turned your gaze to his. You never thought about that being possible. You’d always just been worried about one robber. Fuckin’ idiot. “I should really lock that window, huh?” Klaus snorted in affirmation.

As you finished clearing the blood from his pale skin, you leaned slightly back to inspect that it looked fine. “I don’t have a Band-Aid, but I think you’ll survive.”

Klaus held up a finger, an amused look flashing in his eyes as he used his other hand to dig through too-tight leather pants pocket. Standing up as he pulled a band-aid wrapper out, you watched as he made his way over to the mirror above your sink, ripping it open and putting on a very pink, and very floral, Hello Kitty Band-Aid.

Twirling back around, he raised both hands up and motioned towards his new accessory, asking, “what do you think?”

You were quiet for a moment, then you nodded. “I think that makes sense.” Klaus grinned.

As both of you made your way back out of your bathroom and into your shoe box sized slightly messy bedroom, you crossed your arms over your chest and leaned back against the wall. Klaus made himself feel at home as he poked around the various knick knacks. “Seriously, why are you here Klaus?”

“Have you suffered a bout of amnesia since last night?” He questioned, turning a sideways glance your way before he continued on his little expedition of your things. “I’m here to bring you to meet the rest of our happy family. Five thought you would be more willing to come with me than him.”

“And here I was thinking he had some semblance of intelligence,” you muttered, pushing yourself off your wall to go nudge him out of the way when he moved to go open one of your drawers. Why would Five think you’d be more willing to go with homeless Mick Jagger? You’d only met him once. You’d only met both of them once, in fact.

“Well you’re not exactly kicking and screaming to get me out of your apartment now, are you?” Klaus almost purred, brushing a hand across your shoulder as he swirled behind you, beginning his snooping once again. “In fact, it seems like someone was all too willing to play nurse to a cut I easily could have cleaned myself.” Picking up a picture frame from your bedside table, an odd look crossed his face before you snatched it from his hands, setting it face down. Now you were getting irritated. Whether it was with him, or yourself given the unnerving truth of his statement, you didn’t exactly want to delve into it at the moment.

“You bled on my carpet. I couldn’t trust that you wouldn’t bleed on the rest of my things before you managed to do a shitty patch job,” you replied easily back, averting your gaze from his as you took a few steps away.

Klaus made an elusive ‘hmm’ noise in the back of his throat. And then he flopped on to your bed, leaning back against the headboard as he grabbed your fuzzy white blanket, wrapping it around his shoulders and throwing it over his head like a cloak, curling into it as he contentedly smiled, “cozy.”

You picked up your pillow and tossed it at his face.

“Look, you guys can’t just barge into my life and expect me to go along with whatever this is. I’ve spent a good part of my life trying to stay out your way praying I never meet your dear old dad. Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s my day off and I intend to spend it quietly alone in my empty apartment.”

“Our dad? This had nothing to do with him,” he said, sitting up straighter as he dropped the blanket off his head, studying your face with a slight tilt to his head. Looking at him in silence, you rolled your hand in a ‘come on’ to signify for him to continue and stop being so freaking elusive.

“We need your help to stop the end of the world.” Then he threw his arms up with jazz hands, excitedly saying, “isn’t that so much fun?

Huh.

Chewing on your bottom lip, you gave a curt nod before twisting around, picking your phone off your receiver as you began dialing a number.

“Who are you calling?”

“The cops.”

Boy, was he also the Flash? You had never seen someone move so fast in your life. Ripping the phone from your hand, he slammed it back down on the base then gripped both your shoulders, pushing you away from it as he completely crowded himself in your personal space. Slight alarm skittering across his eyes. “Come on, is that really necessary? I’m not playing around.”

“Why should I believe you? Trust you?” you shot back, shrugging off his grip as you folded your arms around yourself. “As fun as you are to banter with, this is fucking crazy! You guys knew what I could do. You guys knew where I worked, where I live, what my name is! Now you say you need my help saving the world? Calling the cops seems like the natural progression of how this interaction should go on my side.” Jesus, where you hyperventilating? Where was that phone? You had to get that phone.

Klaus crouched lower to your height, arms stretched out like he was trying to calm a wild deer. Bitch. “Okay sweetheart, you need to calm down for just a second,” he soothed, and you couldn’t help but exhale a short, unamused laugh. “You know us, you know what we do. Or at least what we did. The Umbrella Academy isn’t some mastermind organization, we were just a group of kids brought together by a man with a god complex who so desperately tried to mold us into those bullshit cliché, good Samaritan superheroes. We’re fucked up, but we wouldn’t just come after an innocent like you for no reason. You have free will in this, okay? All I’m doing is asking, not telling you to come. Just let me take you to everyone. Five can explain this all better than I can.” He took your continued silence as an opportunity to continue his point, adding in, “you can even bring your clock as a weapon if it makes you feel more comfortable. You’re a real danger with that thing.”

As much as you hated to admit it, he was pretty convincing. If they had wanted to hurt you, if they had wanted to use you, you had no doubt they would have forced it upon you by now. From what you had learned, it seemed nearly all of them had been estranged from their dad for a while now. Vanya’s book had been pretty enlightening on the horrors that had occurred in that house, at least from her view point. So if Reginald was the one pulling their strings, then he was pulling their strings unbeknownst to them.

It also didn’t help that your curiosity was piqued. You always loved a good mystery.

“Alright,” you conceded, letting your arms fall back down to your sides. Klaus let out a long breath of air and happily grasped his hands in front of him, jokingly singing as he did, “Darling, you’ve made me the happiest man in the world!”

“Under one condition.”

“Oh, I was so close,” he sulked immediately under his breath, dropping his hands.

“You have to promise me that I can leave. Like no strings attached, I can drop off mid-conversation and slam the door on my way out, type of leave. I’m only there to hear what he has to say, ask some questions, and that’s it. I haven’t decided to help you guys.”

Raising his hand out, he gave you a knowing smile as he extended his pinky finger. “I promise,” he droned. Heaving a sigh, you lifted your hand to wrap your pinky around his in a child-like binding promise. He was lucky he had such sincere eyes.

Letting go, you took a tiny step back as you cleared your throat, feeling uncomfortable with the odd tension you now wanted so desperately to melt. “Well, get out. You and Ben. Let me change and then you can take me to your master, or whatever.”

“My master?” Klaus gasped, as you herded him over the threshold of your door. “Five is a child. I am clearly more superior.”

Giving a tight smile, you quirked your eyebrow up. “You sure about that? I got the impression yesterday that you’re more like his fun loving, but pitifully dim witted henchmen,” you replied, then swung the door shut in his face before he could have the last word.

#the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy fanfic #the umbrella academy fanfiction #klaus hargreeves #klaus hargreeves fanfic #klaus hargreeves fanfiction #klaus hargreeves x reader #five #five hargreeves #tua #klaus hargreeves imagine #diego hargreeves #luther hargreeves #allison hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #ben hargreeves

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flameontheotherside · 4 years

Text

Only One

I'm known as "Vanessa" back home and I don't look like how I do in this incarnation. Being that I traveled back and forth in my sleepy sleeps I have had opportunity to see how I really look like. Thrown me off. If you want to know how your spirit selfs looks,😊☝️ I recommend you ask your guides to help you before you sleep. Keep asking. You might be shocked if you star seeing the same "type" of people everywhere.

Well I asked and hairs raised and goosebumped when I realized that character Rose from Titanic pretty much matches up except the hair color is more blonde and eye color is gold. All tidy up with some curls to the shoulders. 🙄 Not really what I had in mind at first but alarms went off when I figured it out. Kinda creepy.

Anyway I'm known for my popularity.

Hilariously. In hypnosis and dreams it never gets old. I remember when I met Erik for the first time years before actually meeting him. Erik was this dude that got in my face about what I'm 🙄 "commissioned to do". I didn't want to hear him out and brushed him off. Then before waking up landed at some meeting about my tasks before I was to be incarnated. I'll never forget the dream.

When I visit home in hypnosis I never get used to being bombarded by "friends" and stuff. Erik this afternoon basically ripped Matthew (Bragi) a new one for hiding the fact he was still texting his psycho ex. 🙄😑 I gotten over it. Besides Ive kind of stuffed most of my feelings down. I think. It's kind of hard to talk to him because of how much he reminds me of Erik. Ugh... I'm trying to focus on a few other things like finding an appropriate program for me.

As Samuel from home...

... Erik asked that I give him my undivided attention. Okay okay I know how this sounds. It's one of those things no one understands until it happens. At home we are different "people" because those are our spirits playing this game. Like The Sims. I'm just an avatar played by Vanessa right now. All of this is temporary but our spirits are forever. When I die, I return to being her.

At home I'm not known for... Okay I'm a sort of player. Like back in Florida I developed a knack for talking to guys. They like me. 🤦‍♀️ Which is weird. But I somehow develop a following. In here at this semi-psychward, I've had at least two guys "follow" me around. A dude that works here brought it to my attention. Said one I've been talking to and hanging out with follows me like a lost puppy. 🤣.... Why?! Yeah he actually does seem a little too happy to see me and idk. Idk how true it is. Doesn't matter. Matthew would tell me that he still doesn't know why I like him so much. How 🙄 surprised he is that someone like me would take interest in him.

I didn't take kindly when the OTHER Matthew threw a tantrum.

He literally. LITERALLY sounded like a five year old when he begged me to stop being friends with some of the guys. 🤭 LOL I noticed he was being hazed also since we hung out for that short of time until then. But I heard later on he was talking shit in the men's dorm about how he got me and boasted about that. Deserved it. I belong to no one buddy. Good riddance. He didn't like my potty mouth. 🙄 It didn't go with the girly thing. So the fuck what?

It must have to do with recognition of my spirit self and incorporating my "best self" in my life. I was wearing make up and doing the girly thing. Yuck... Yeah now I know what repels. A naked tired face, sneakers, and boardshorts. Turns out a vocabulary of a sailor doesn't matter? 🤣... I do miss Matthew. I need someone to bounce dirty jokes and dark twisted ideas. 😞

😘❤️ Good night!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin 🔥 Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog run by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

(◕‿◕)♡ Social: Twitter Tumblr Instagram YouTube Facebook

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words-are-my-existence · 5 years

Text

Tea and Coffee

Introduction Part IV: Crepuscular

Warning: Course language and mature references within

The evening came around quite soon, Eliza lost in conversation with Levi who spoke about her and Lucy’s latest adventures in Japan. The two girls were old friends and had a taste for exploration, having an endless desire to travel the world. Levi was slightly shorter than Jai while Lucy matched more Eliza’s height, the former having quite dark brown curly hair, and ebony skin whilst the latter was more so fair and sported long wavy hair that changed colours like the seasons. When Jai and Lucy arrived they saw this time around she had it a sweet pastel shade of lilac. They were both a energetic pair and always knew the right advice to give at the given moment, never failing to call you and help out in a time of need even if they were on the other side of the globe,

“Next thing I know Lucy has jumped, I’m falling and our instructor is losing his shit at the fact that we left him behind!” Levi laughed as she talked about a parachuting trip over Nagoya,

“Yeah, though we made it up to him later on in the hot springs,” Lucy added on cheekily with a wink, Jai almost sighing sadly,

“Man that would have been so fun, oh what about that guy who swam with whales with you?”

“He tried drugging our drinks so we handed him to the police, some people seriously,” Levi rolled her eyes,”But the trip overall was great, the next destination we’re planning on is Hawaii on a cruise ship,”

“Woah already? I mean then again you both can’t stay in one place longer than a week,” Eliza commented with a soft giggle, finishing up making a cup of tea for herself. It was closing hours, the sky dark outside and twinkling with just a few stars visible beyond the city lights,

“I’ll finish cleaning up, we’ll have to catch up tomorrow before you set off again,” Jai called out as she headed around to the back, Lucy and Levi stretching as they joined Eliza by the door,

“It was great seeing you both now at least, the store is doing even better than we when we saw it last!” Lucy said clapping her hands, Levi nodding in agreement,

“You need to explain yourself to missy, apparently you have a few secret admirers you didn’t tell us about!”

“Jai has probably told you some nonsense, you know how she is,” Eliza sighed as she lead the girls out and locked the cafe door behind her,”If anything I get a few glances and men wanting to talk to me but nothing serious,”

“Hmm well we’ll get those answers tomorrow, see you guys then!”

“Take care!” Levi and Lucy hugged Eliza goodbye before heading to their hotel, Eliza herself making her way towards to the nearby park.

Before heading home she tended to go here after work every night and enjoy her English Breakfast tea, relaxing with a good book or practicing some sketches at her favourite park bench. It was a great way to cool off after a busy day or even just chill on a quiet one. There was barely a soul around either so it was almost perfect, those nights when it was was when a small black stray cat would come around and say hi. It was an adorable creature who seemed to love the small treats Eliza gave it.

She found her usual spot and sat down, opening her book up and picking up from where she left off in the afternoon. Out of habit she sneakily glanced around to see if the kitty was here tonight, when see couldn’t find it she subtly looked over to the bench across her a little way away where a figure was sitting on it and reading their own book with a tray of half a dozen cups resting beside them. She only had gotten glimpses of him before, a slim man who had pale skin and soft blonde hair that tended to cover his face. He came out most nights and read in the same spot just as Eliza did. The two seemed to have an unspeakable agreement on not interrupting each other, understanding when someone just wants to be left alone to themselves. Eliza often wondered what his eyes were like as she had never been able to see them. As well as if how she perceived him was the same way he thought about her, this strange girl coming out each night to be alone in the peaceful solitude the park gave.

Eliza shrugged the thoughts off her mind and returned to her own book, taking sips from her warm mug as she read.

As the night went on robust laughter and crude shouting broke the silence, Eliza sighing and rubbed her forehead as the noise drew closer. She glanced over her shoulder to see a group of around five men making their way through the park, each stumbling and bumping over each other drunkenly. It wasn’t to often an occurrence when people like them wandered through, Eliza knowing to just ignore them and focus on herself, the drunkards leaving her be.

Though this time as she looked down back at her book and focused on its pages, the men strode straight towards her and cat called as they approached,

“Look at this jewel hiding away in the shadows, you’re quite pretty from afar but boy aren’t you something else up close,” One whistled as he stood in front of Eliza, another slapping his hands down on her shoulders from behind and giving her a fright and causing her to jump up in panic, the man grabbing her strongly and forcing her back down on the seat,

“Hey sweet heart you shouldn’t be out all by yourself in this hour of the night. Let us take you back to your home safe and sound,” He cackled darkly as a third lent over and whispered in her ear, his breath sickly smelling of booze,

“Of course as payment you’ve got to let us gentlemen have some fun with you, otherwise we might just have to get ruff,”

Eliza already packing her stuff away tried again to slid out of the hands of the one who was holding her down, luckily doing so and quickly backing away,

“It’s quite alright thank you for the offer, but I can take care of myself,” She calmly spoke though could feel the sweat starting to build up on her forehead, yelping as she walked into someone behind her. Growing scared now she gritted her teeth, holding her dark mug tight in her hands and peeking behind her expecting the other two strangers to be there.

Instead a very skinny and short man stood there holding a tray of six paper cups of steaming coffee in one hand and in the other a book. He was trembling slightly Eliza noticed, though she was unsure if it was in fear or rage,

“The lady has clearly stated she is content with her own company ‘gentlemen’,” The blonde figured began sharply,”So I would ask that you leave her be and continue your intrusive disturbance somewhere you’re actually tolerated,”

“What mate?” One guy his scratched their head confused, a different drunkard speaking up,

“Hey you skinny pussy bugger off! We do what we fucking want to fucking do!” His voice grew louder in anger and frustration, the one who first approached Eliza slowly walking up to snarl in this newcomers face while his friends enclosed on them,

“I suggest you leave now, with your wallet on the ground, unless you rather to find yourself in a mangled fucked mess?”

“No, actually I prefer this idea instead pissface,” Eliza heard the retort as the man aiding her threw his tray of cups at the now clustered drunkards, boiling hot liquid splashing all over them causing them to erupt in a chorus of painful screams. In the spilt second this man grabbed Eliza’s arm and pulled her along into a dead sprint away from the spectacle, several extremely frustrated and raged shouting following in the distance.

Eliza wasn’t sure how long they had ran for, the adrenaline pushing them on until the sounds of their pursuers faded. As they halted at last the two stood only for a moment before collapsing onto the grass beneath them gasping for air, the threat now gone and the peace returned,

“Well that is my exercise for the year done,” Eliza spoke first as she gathered breath, her saviour heartily laughing in response,

“Yeah same. My mates are going to kill me tonight though when they find out they have nothing to drink but hey, this will make an awesome and hilarious story!”

“Hah yeah exactly! My friends won’t believe me probably but still,” Eliza added with a grin. They had rolled onto their sides to face each when talking, Eliza noticing for the first time the cute gummy smile plastered on him along with a pair of deep molten brown eyes that shone with such a depth Eliza was stunned. They were both stuck in silence for a few minutes staring at it each other, the two of them blushing when they realise and quickly scramble to their feet,

“Ah um thank you so much by the way, I don’t think I would have been able to take them all on. I need to do some more self defence lessons,”

“It’s alright, I’m glad to help. It would have been wrong of me to just do nothing when you were in need um..” He trailed off and nervously started scratching the back of his neck,”I don’t actually know your name even though we’ve seen each other quite a lot over the months, but well haven’t talked,”

“Yeah I’m sorry about that, I kinda assumed we both just wanted to be left to our own devices,” Eliza apologised guiltily,”I guess better late then never though, I’m Eliza,” She said as she held her hand out to him, who in turn shook it with a happy grin,

“Hi Eliza, I’m Yoongi, nice to properly meet you,”

“And you to,” She replied with a warm smile. Now with quietness around them Eliza finally noticed her phone buzzing about in her pocket, taking it out to find she had several missed calls and a number of frantic messages from Jai.

>I’M LOCKED IN

>WHERE ARE YOU???

>DUDE THERES NOTHING I CAN USE TO PICKLOCK WITHOUT BREAKING THE DOOR

>LIZ IM SORRY I PROMISE TO BRING THE STOCK ON TIME AND NOT DRINK ALL OF YOUR JACK DANIELS WITHOUT YOU

>ITS SO COLD WHY DON’T WE HAVE A HEATER

“Oh shit, I locked Jai in the cafe. I’m sorry I need to go now. Thank you so much again and it was great to meet you to!” Eliza grabbed her bag and waved to Yoongi before dashing straight back to the cafe,

“That was fast,” He commented to himself, turning around to retrieve his own items and noticing a small mug left behind,”Wait! Eliza-“ He went to shout and call her attention back but she was already gone from eyesight,

“Aw man...how am I going to get this back to her?” He sighed and grabbed the forgotten cup, pondering on the nights’ events as he made his way back to his own abode.

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batsysims · 7 years

Text

100 QUESTIONS NO ONE ASKS

I was tagged by @tickledsims ty ily!!

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? CLOSED when i was younger my little sister had a baby doll that would talk on its own at night and we called it the demon baby and hooooly shit

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? i dont take those bc my hair cant take cheap hair products but i do take the soaps!!

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? i put the mattress cover sheet thingy on my bed but i dont use an actual sheet :/

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? nah lol

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? YES i love using office supplies i could spend all day at staples omg

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? no lol but il save the lil receipt coupons and find them in my wallet months after they expire

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? hhhhh bees

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? yep!! i love them its why im scared to use foundation i dont wanna lose em

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? i either smile or if my moms takin the pic il make a stupid face

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? i have terrible road rage...... um........... i also hate it when men interrupt me i just walk away at that point

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? yeah i pretty much count everything

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? i dont think so??

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? def not lmao

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? i have an eating dance, a drinking dance, and a video game playing dance hahaa

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? yes ugh it annoys me but i cant stop

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? at LEAST 0

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? i think its a single? a single or a twin either way im miserable send help

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? ummm probably You by Weird Milk?? its the most recent song i added on spotify so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? yeah def unless its one of those “real men wear pink shirts” like just.... stop

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? sometimes my sister makes me watch stevens universe?? il watch phineas and ferb too bc honestly who doesnt anime too but not always cartoon ones or w/e

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? 2001: A Space Odyssey and Daughters of the Dust come to mind

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? u kno where ;) no how big is the treasure?? if its a lil bit id put it in that drawer under the oven bc my family never uses that but if its BIG TREASURE id hide it in the backyard of the last house i lived in bc a. nobody lives there now and 2. its totally overrun with green bc of like two floods

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? water! only water ever

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? honey if theyre mcnuggets but other than that i use honey mustard!

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? chicky parm

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? honestly Inception is my feel-good movie

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? a lil babu

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? i was in girl scouts much longer than i ever wanted to be lmao WISH i coulda done BOY SCOUTS

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? if cash is involved absolutely

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? aboutttt three months ago!

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? no but i can watch

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? when i first got my license yea :( 15 yr olds are dum

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? twice! very good memories

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? egg salad gud

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? the all star breakfast at waffle house yasssss

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? honestly like 9 since i always have to wake up at 7 in the am but il stay up til 11 if i can

37. ARE YOU LAZY? absolutely when have ACTIVE ppl done ANYTHING

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? i was usually a cat bc i never could find a costume i liked smh but when i was 2 i went as winnie the pooh lmao

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? ox!

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? just english but im tryna learn spanish and japanese and im fluent in french if a two year olds speech patterns can be considered as such

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? nah

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? LEGOS lincoln logs are big with nostalgia thoooo

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? with dumb shit yeah but i usually just dont care enough abt stuff to deal

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? theyre both old idc

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? no lol

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? not really tbh i like the adrenaline

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? if im alone!! nobody deserves to hear that

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? nahhh

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? when im in the drive thru haaaa

50. EVER USED A GUN? id like to go to a shooting range some time but ive never used one im also very anti gun so i probs would never buy one unless it was a cute lil glock i can handle well

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? st patricks day it wasnt technically for me tho

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? not in general but when ppl start obsessing over a certain one for months on end abt a certain time period and certain performers and certain songs and certain people of history i start wanting ppl to die

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? YEAH I NEVER HAVE MONEY WTF

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? my sisters obsessed with them so yea but never like. authentic polish potato pockets or anything just a frozen box of em

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? apple?? im not rly into pie tbh

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? ive wanted to go into law enforcement/criminology my whole life!! for a sec i wanted to be a firefighter, a journalist/writer/poet, and some sort of artist but u know how kids are

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? i tried to find that clip from malcolm in the middle for like ten mins but i couldnt yea

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? doesnt everyone tho?

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? no im a bad adult

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? nah

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? im not rich!!

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? usually just my undies but when im living with other people il wear a soft shirt and my dc heroes pajama bottoms ayyy

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? ive never been to one! i was gonna go see metallica in baltimore but i moved before i could smh

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? walmart sry targets cool but too much money!!! i go there for home things tho does kmart still exist

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? ADIDAS ive been trying to get a full adidas tracksuit for YEARS

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? fritos! i like the super hot cheetos tho

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? peanutsssss

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? Nope but they must be good im keepin @tickledsims response bc it made me laugh

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? when i was a lil babu i took ballet and gymnastics a lil later

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? i hope to never have a spouse ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yep

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? ive actually never even had a spelling bee im sure theyre a myth

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? i think so??

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? nah

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? nahhhhh

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? no but i had a roommate who did i fell in love

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yeah ok lol so one time when i was a sophomore my french teacher had to use a substitute teacher and hes the reason i believe in love at first sight im STILL in love with him wtf ive also had a bf haha im hilarious

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? i dont really do concerts so i couldnt say but i think matd would be fun!!

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? oh my god

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? hot!!!!

81. TEA OR COFFEE? coffee!!!!!!

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? i dont rly like either but i prefer snickerdoodles over sugar

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? i can only do that weird frog swim i forget what its called so no im shit at it

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? ye

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? if im able to distract myself?? it also depends on the severity of what im waiting on i guess

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? probs a band i guess i dont rly think abt that kinda stuff sry

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? when i was four i won a coloring contest at the ice cream store

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? nope im poor 89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? both are good!

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? i can knit but i cant crochet

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? fckn bathroom

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? not rly unless its a partnership longlasting romance stresses me out especially with financial responsibility etc

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? -20 years

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? my high school boyfriend hahaaa h,,,,

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? im an adult sry

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 1!

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? nope! lmao i love her tho

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? red but i also like many others??? idk

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? ummm not rly?? im not close enough to anyone to miss them and those i am close to im able to hang with

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT? god uhhh if you havent done it already and want to, @dreambot @nebula-simms @ellowynsims and @pixelbloom

#tag challenge #nonsims #ty lol that was fun

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heterophobicloki · 7 years

Note

it seems so hilarious to me that the 15 year old who is running this blog seems to think they know everything like an adult, when by your logic, you're still a CHILD. people can ship whatever they want without your pathetic, childish ass slating shit people like. I ship otayuri because it's cute as fuck. I ship otayuri because when I was at the age of 15, my boyfriend was 19. and our relationship was healthy and normal, and 6 years on we have a child and are engaged (1)

i was gonna reply with “come off anon to insult me you coward ive never pretended to know everything but i know adults shouldnt date children seeing as that affects me as a child and being a child doesnt mean i cant speak about things” but heres my actual response. It got a little long, so its under the cut

According to all known lawsof aviation, there is no way a beeshould be able to fly. Its wings are too small to getits fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't carewhat humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow!Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry?- Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening?- I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your fatherpaid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate.We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz.- Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.- Bye! Barry, I told you,stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam.- Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel?- A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school,three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I tooka day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry.- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie?- Yeah. - You going to the funeral?- No, I'm not going. Everybody knows,sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel.Such a hothead. I guess he could havejust gotten out of the way. I love this incorporatingan amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men.- We are! - Bee-men.- Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oitygraduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your careerat Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennasinside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like?- A little scary. Welcome to Honex,a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee,have worked your whole life to get to the point where youcan work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant PollenJocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected,scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctivegolden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot.- She's my cousin! - She is?- Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right.- At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspectof bee existence. These bees are stress-testinga new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes?- Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement,the Krelman. - What does that do?- Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it.Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs aresmall ones. But bees know that every small job,if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the jobyou pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life?I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees,as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?"How can you say that? One job forever?That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only haveto make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could theynever have told us that? Why would you question anything?We're bees. We're the most perfectlyfunctioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe thingswork a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you knowwhat I'm talking about. Please clear the gate.Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!- Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's likeoutside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks!- Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters!You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were.- I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knowswhere, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a PollenJock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollenthan you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol.Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing itand the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies?Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys.- Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerousbeing a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned meagainst a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat,and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my!- I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today,wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patchsix miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh?- Barry! A puddle jump for us,but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am.- You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy?Are you bee enough? I might be. It all dependson what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices.- But you only get one. Do you ever get boreddoing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you justmove it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm.It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad,the more I think about it, maybe the honey fieldjust isn't right for me. You were thinking of what,making balloon animals? That's a bad jobfor a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not surehe wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes.- I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're goinginto honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer?- No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now.I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Geta gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today!- Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobswill be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available?- Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations!Step to the side. - What'd you get?- Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first?- No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open,not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman?- Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See?He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up.Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling,stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven,lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, whatdo you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patchin quadrant nine... What happened to you?Where are you? - I'm going out.- Out? Out where? - Out there.- Oh, no! I have to, before I goto work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave,there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that.- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you.- OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know,bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always,watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs,birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reportsof root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it,babbling like a cicada! - That's awful.- And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one,absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check.- Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check.- Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias,you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader.We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid.It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close?- No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle itover here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one.See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, moreflowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowersseems to be on the move. Say again? You're reportinga moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good.Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys!- This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him?- I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey,because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something!- I'm driving! - Hi, bee.- He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move,he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension levelout here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you closethe window please? Ken, could you closethe window please? Oheck out my new resume.I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time.This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my specialskills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they'reflabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sunhaving a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter.At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them!This thing could kill me! Why does his life haveless value than yours? Why does his life have any less valuethan mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. Youdon't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him.It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone outis also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there.- Bye. - Supposed to be less calories.- Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life.I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law.You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it?"You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking.- Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine.I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure thisis very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me.I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposedto be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you.It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee.- Yeah. I'm talking to a bee.And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful.I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that?- What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess."Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny.- Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something?- Like what? I don't know. I mean...I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee.- I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous!- Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't.- Have some. - No, I can't.- Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where?- These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you knowanything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cabas they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church.The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon?I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive,but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do?- Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer ora doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really?- My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just electedwith that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area.I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes?- Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee.- Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am?- Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great.Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks!- Yeah. All right. Well, then...I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank youso much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go.We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing.- It was amazing! It was the scariest,happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believeyou were with humans! Giant, scary humans!What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things.They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV?- Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back?- Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You sawwhatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now youcan pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well...- Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!- No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider?- I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing,with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law.You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa.- Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talkingto humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s!One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life!And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb.- It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat.That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is?- No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot!- Listen to me! We are not them! We're us.There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can denythe heart that is yearning? There's no yearning.Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee,my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee.- Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days!Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisionsto think about. What life? You have no life!You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill youto make a little honey? Barry, come out.Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here.- I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me?- Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going?- I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge paradeof flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses,that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surroundedby flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the rosescompete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one.How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't yourun everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see.All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease.It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting.It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully.You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out.Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?!- It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody.Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages.Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got thatdown to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.- I'll bet. What in the nameof Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here?Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor?- I never heard of him. - Why is this here?- For people. We eat it. You don't haveenough food of your own? - Well, yes.- How do you get it? - Bees make it.- I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring.You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic.- It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this!This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools,hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?!I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottomof all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done?- Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out,with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something.So you can talk! I can talk.And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff?Who's your supplier? I don't understand.I thought we were friends. The last thing we wantto do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossedthe wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunchfor my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knewwhat hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anythingthat moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms.I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you?- He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?!- Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade!- Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything haveto be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes!Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington,I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee!- Moose blood guy!! - You hear something?- Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars,as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goesis where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight.- We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own.Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble?- You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack.See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world.You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up,get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leavethe building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys!- Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here.Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brainthe size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker.- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of thisknocks them right out. They make the honey,and we make the money. "They make the honey,and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you'rein a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here.We had no choice. This is your queen?That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolenon a massive scale! This is worse than anything bearshave done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are takingour honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory.These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What?- Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend.And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could.- Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you wantto do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives.Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember youcoming home so overworked your hands were still stirring.You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put itin lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt.- No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can stingthe humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's onlyfull-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.- And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human racefor stealing our honey, packaging it and profitingfrom it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here inour studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies,out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kidfrom the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraidto change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus?Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinkingof stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee communityis supporting you in this case, which will be the trialof the bee century. You know, they have a Larry Kingin the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a showand suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from theguest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week!They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attackat the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke!I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please.Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee?- Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello.- Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, sizeten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing.You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam herehas been a huge help. - Frosting...- How many sugars? Just one. I try notto use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, peopleare giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic!- Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worsethan a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make upfor it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.- I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done withthe humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home,"without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scenehere in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits,because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselvesif a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humansdon't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinationalfood companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to staybehind the barricade. - What's the matter?- I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The HonorableJudge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York,Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representingthe five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representingall the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery,your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believedit was man's divine right to benefit from the bountyof nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy worldMr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiatewith the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-captureHollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism!Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen,there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee.Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees.We invented it! We make it. And we protect itwith our lives. Unfortunately, there aresome people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys!I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey,you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like thatall the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhaydenof Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also ownHoneyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepersfor our farms. Beekeeper. I find thatto be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employany bee-free-ers, do you? - No.- I couldn't hear you. - No.- No. Because you don't free bees.You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would bean appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashingthrough your living room?! Biting into your couch!Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before?- I was with a band called The Police. But you've never beena police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so herewe have yet another example of bee culture casuallystolen by a human for nothing more thana prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feelinga little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first,belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spoton ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resumethat you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoilthat's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is thiswhat it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless beesso you don't have to rehearseyour part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson!I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella.This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step onthis creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court!- You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it!- Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully niceof that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken!- Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late.I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste,so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left.I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself.The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit.Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating withchopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to findthe rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment,but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just whatI was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razorfor his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that?- Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why isyour life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing.- Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey!I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to bethe nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?!Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things buggingme in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from ridingon this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificialsweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's gotan aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kindof barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it.Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomeryis about out of ideas. We would like to callMr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he'sconsidered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you'vegotta weave some magic with this jury,or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I haveto do to turn this jury around is to remind themof what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers?- Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask youwhat I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends?- Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two.From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birthto all the bee children? - Yeah, but...- So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry...- Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee,aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection!- I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venomis coursing through my veins! I have been felledby a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat themlike equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thingthey know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me.- I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercywill come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybeesversus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legalteam stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy.- Hey. - Is there much pain?- Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters isyou're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteriadownstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there'sa little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then...and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry.I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We'rejust a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to usif they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels.That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in,but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurseto close that window? - Why?- The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke!But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall.Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result,we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor,haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enoughof this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allowthese absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compellingevidence to support their charges against my clients,who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissalof this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to considerMr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof?Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor!You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this?This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly,let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked,"Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addictedto smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slavesto the white man? - What are we gonna do?- He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please,free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honeywill finally belong to the bees. Now we won't haveto work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversionof the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren,and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right?- What do you mean? We've been living the bee waya long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory.What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdownof all bee work camps. Then we want back the honeythat was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorificationof the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly,bad-breath stink machine. We're all awareof what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseousfor a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer toleratebee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honeyin bogus health products and la-dee-da humantea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down!- Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail.Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believehow much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating?- They're home. They don't know what to do.Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his wayto San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humansliked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world!I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was mynew job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understandwhy they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing.Honey really changes people. You don't have any ideawhat's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me?- This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to makehoney would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers.Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affectsthe entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here,couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me.- Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry...sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving?Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses paradein Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekendbecause all the flowers are dying. It's the last chanceI'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses.Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers!- Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know.That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not.Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake.This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet.I wanted to help you with the flower shop.I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it'sgreater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses,the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plantand flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've gotback here with what we've got. - Bees.- Park. - Pollen!- Flowers. - Repollination!- Across the nation! Tournament of Roses,Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothingbut flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside,we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess,and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit?- What are you? - I believe I'm the pea.- The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.- I'm getting the marshal. You do that!This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we dois blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport,there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float?- Yes. Has it beenin your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger.- It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun.Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll havejust enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? Wehave just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers,this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weatherin New York. It looks like we'll experiencea couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowerswith no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up thereand talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get helpwith the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talkinginflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal?- Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!- Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers.This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24Bplease report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster,a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat,they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke?- No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome.I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious,and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboardhave flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that?- Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing morethan a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?- Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry!We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have somelate-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful sceneis developing. Barry Benson,fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane,loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the areaand two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute.There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Bensonand his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a beeshouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wingsand body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air!- Got it. - Stand by.- We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of beesdoing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well,it makes a big difference. More than we realized.To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get beesback to working together. That's the bee way!We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow!- Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover?- Forget hover. This isn't so hard.Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we wereon autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me.- And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's getbehind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling!We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentratewith that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together.You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it! - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it! - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it! - Hold it!- Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowersfor a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow.- Hello. All right, let's drop this tin canon the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee.- Thinking bee. Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute.I think I'm feeling something. - What?- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac?- Get some lights on that! Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower.- OK. Out the engines. We're going inon bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one!- Which one? - That flower.- I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry!- This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this planeflying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it!You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five!- Right. Barry, it worked!Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of courseI saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you.- But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is coveredwith the last pollen from the last flowersavailable anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey,pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species,this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjustMuseum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfectfit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needsto make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll beworking late tonight! Here's your change. Have a greatafternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that?It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feellike a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry.Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me?My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite.All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie.Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry.Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks!It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?!- Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly.- Sure is. Between you and me,I was dying to get out of that office. You have gotto start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee!- Me? Hold it. Let's just stopfor a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decisionduring a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody.Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

#asks answered #anon #why is this first part of this worded like your not talking... to me... ur in my inbox...

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