#so my male parent is a shithead

[hysteria-things]

can you do a smut with dom!nate x sturniolo triplets sister where they're at a restaurant with the triplets and nate starts fingering her idc abt anything else but like please im begging you 🙏🙏

FORGIVE ME

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dom!nate x sls!reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: being friends with benefits with your triplet brothers’ best friend isn’t the smartest idea. especially when nate teases you at a restaurant with your siblings there, there’s only one way to forgive him.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: SMUT, swearing, mentions underage drinking, fingering, public, oral (female/male receiving), p in v

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1,277

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: first sturniolo’s little sister fic😯 i find this trope fun LOL

i miss why don’t we they were MY one direction.

hope you like it anon!

a burger sounds so good right now. you think to yourself before being rudely interrupted when a foot taps your shin from under the table. your annoyed eyes are met with chris’. “what are you getting?” he asks.

you shrug, continuing to scan the menu in front of you. “probably a bacon cheeseburger.”

your triplet brothers invited you out to dinner at the finest establishment around: texas roadhouse.

they picked up nathan along the way, who’s sitting silently next to you as the other three are squished in the booth across from you. the four of you are close and know everything about each other, which is the best kind of sibling relationship.

well, they think they know everything about you.

what they don’t — and will never know — is your friends with benefits with nate.

it started randomly at a high school party, where the two of you got drunk and made out which led to you guys fucking in the bathroom. it’s bizarre but true.

turns out, the two of you enjoyed it and this whole thing went on from there. that was months ago, by the way.

while taking a sip of your shirley temple, a hand is placed on your thigh. you look over to the culprit, who is talking casually to your siblings.

his hand teasingly moves up and down, each time getting closer to your waistband. your breath hitches as the waitress comes over. “are you guys ready?” she asks in her customer service voice, smiling as she clicks her pen.

“you go first, y/n.” nate says innocently, taking his fingers and now putting them in your pants to rub hard on your clit. he knows you love getting penetration there.

little shithead.

you clear your throat. “c-can i have a bacon cheeseburger, please?”

the waitress nods, writing on her notepad. “with what side?”

you feel two fingers going inside your wetness, moving at a medium pace. “mmm— fries!” you say loud and quickly. you clear your throat again. “please.”

the three across from you give the same weird look, as if silently saying ‘what the fuck is the matter with you?’

soon, the others put their orders in and go into their conversations. nate keeps pumping his fingers in and out of you, a low whimper leaving your mouth.

when he knows your brothers aren’t listening because they’re arguing about whatever the fuck, he scoots closer to you and leans to your ear. “you’re so wet, baby. is it all for me?”

you grip his wrists, trying to pull him away when you feel your orgasm approaching. it’ll be embarrassing to cum in your pants. “nate—”

“you’re coming back to our house, right?” nick asks, causing nate to pull out his fingers and readjust in his seat.

“yup,” he replies, giving your thigh a tight squeeze.

you storm into your bedroom, nate following closely behind. you shut the door and lock it, putting your hands on your hips and tapping your foot like an angry parent. “are you trying to get us caught? what were you thinking?!”

he chuckles. “cut me some slack, will ya?”

he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you close to where your chests touch. you try your best to give him your best mad face, but to him, you look adorable. “i’m sorry.” he fake pouts.

he tugs at your shirt and slowly lifts it over your head, throwing it somewhere on the ground. his lips are mere centimeters from yours. “forgive me?”

“we don’t have time. they’ll get suspicious,” you whisper.

he shakes his head, now taking off his shirt. “they think the texas roadhouse got to the best of me. i’ll be in the bathroom for a while.” he winks, pecking your lips.

you bite your lip, not losing eye contact when you start to unbuckle his jeans. “i don’t think i forgive you.” you say sweetly, getting on your knees and simultaneously pulling his pants down.

“guess i’ll have to see.” you continue, eyeballing his hard-on through his boxer. you start to rub your hand over the fabric, a groan leaving nate’s mouth.

you give the tip a little kiss before pulling down his underwear, his dick aching for attention. you wrap your mouth around him, going as much as you can down his base.

moistening his lips, he throws his head back. he always loved the feeling of your warm mouth around him.

you start to bob your head, the gulping noises intensifying the faster you go. “shit.” nate exhales, taking his finger and lifting your chin so you can look at him.

he starts to thrust his hips to match your bobs, gagging in the process.

he pulls out of your mouth and in the blink of an eye, he flips you so you lay on your back. despite your bed being quite literally a foot away from you guys, he’s now on the ground with you between your legs. “forgive me yet?”

“n—” you don’t finish the word when he starts to dig into you without warning. even better, he takes his thumb and plays with your clit like how he did at the restaurant.

you moan too loudly, covering your mouth with your palm. the last thing you want is for your brothers to hear you. your other hand travels to nate’s head, grasping onto his hair tightly. “i’m close.” you mumble, making him pull away.

“what the hell?” you sigh annoyingly.

“shush.” he says, flipping you over once again to where you are now straddling his lap. “ride me.”

you smirk, kissing on his neck down to his chest. he grows impatient, lifting your hips and playing yourself on his cock. you whine, leaning back up straight and grinding your hips to feel him rub the right way on your walls.

“fuck.” you whimper. he grabs your hips and starts to bounce you, a squeal coming out of you. “nathan, fuck!”

“best be quiet, baby.” he smirks. “don’t want them to hear their little sister on their best friend’s dick.”

you whine lowly, biting your lip to quiet your moans. he sits up and you grab both sides of his neck, looking deep into each other’s eyes. he’s smiling smugly, but your face is contorting with pleasure.

he groans when he twitches inside of you.

“did nate fall asleep on the toilet?” matt’s voice echoes down the hallway, three pairs of footsteps along with it.

“the ribs probably gave him food poisoning or some shit.” chris replies.

nate moves you faster on him, panting lowly in the process. there’s no way he can stop now. he’s way too close.

the doorknob shakes, startling the both of you, but you guys keep going. “what the fuck? why is your door locked?” nick asks.

“fuck y/n, i’m cum—” you swallow his words by giving him an opened-mouthed kiss. you moan softly into his mouth, making sure you cum first before lifting yourself off of him.

he groans into your mouth when his cum makes a mess on his abs. “hello? earth to y/n?”

you pull away, staying in position to quietly catch your breath. “s-sorry, what?” you stammer.

“why is your door locked?” this time, the question is asked by matt.

“changing,” you answer, nate giggling silently.

there’s an awkward silence for a few beats before it's broken. “okay…” nick says in a hesitant manner, and their footsteps eventually recede.

“holy shit.” nate throws his head back to laugh, and you smack him on the chest.

“be quiet,” you mumble, getting off from the floor.

thank god you locked the door, or things could’ve ended terribly.

𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭!

@bunbunbl0gs @lexisecretaccx @thy-mission @angelic-sturniolos111 @sophssturn @mattsneezing @janiellasblog @blahbel668 @meg-sturniolo @hearts4chris @mattslolita @sturnbaby @imwetforyourmom @tillies33ssss @sturnifyed @mayhem-72 @ripmattitude @p1xieswrld

#nate doe #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nathan doe #nicolas sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo smut #nate doe smut #nate doe fanfic #✎ ⤾ haleigh’s requests!

[transmascissues]

Your poor, poor parents. You're gonna make yourself look like an acne riddled thumb with a half assed pubey beard for the rest of your life, and now they're gonna have to see your scarred ass chest without nips to distract, too. You're hacking off healthy body parts for clout like a dumbass, and wanting everybody to applaude you for it and brainwash themselves into thinking you resemble anything male. Mental illness at its peak.

everyone point and laugh at the asshole who thinks their opinion of my body means anything to me!

if anyone was wondering what terfs & co actually say about trans men when they don't have to worry about their face being attached to it, this is it. this is what's hiding behind the "care" and "pity" and other bullshit they project – to them, we're all a bunch of ugly mentally ill dumbasses destroying our poor innocent parents' lives and brainwashing the people around us.

but hey, anon, if it makes you feel any better, i promise i'm still happier than you'll ever be! that's the magic of not wasting your energy on harassing random people for daring to exercise their bodily autonomy. you should try it sometime!

oh, and you'll have to let me know when i'm supposed to get all that clout for transitioning. it's been seven years and all i've gotten is shitheads like you hating me more and more, so i think it might've gotten lost in the mail.

#it's always funny to me when they do the 'youre just mentally ill' thing bc like. that's not an insult to me i literally am mentally ill #it has nothing to do with me being trans but yeah. i am. and what about it #the 'healthy body parts' thing is also extra funny bc i am very much disabled and none of my body is healthy it's all fucked up by default #examples of transandrophobia #anon hate #ask answered #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #transmascphobia #anti transmasculinity

[legitalicat]

Out of Time

Chapter 5 - "Oh Brother, I've Returned"

an: While it does not fit this chapter entirely, I listened to "Brother" by Madds Buckley a lot during this chapter. As an older sister who moved out when my younger sibling was under 10, I feel the guilt of being gone while your siblings grow up without you. I highly recommend that song.

If you love this header go check out zaldritzosrose for more amazing work! She is tagged on the series masterlist and on my welcome post!

Find the series Master list here!

Summary: "It is not a ridiculous notion to fear what we do not know. Yet you cannot let your fears keep you from them."

TW: Anxiety, profanity, angst, dead daddy issues, literal bone crushing hugs, substance use, fear of addiction, detailed descriptions of Viserys I death, descriptions of severe pain, Vizzy is not a good parent, Aemond and Jace making a scene at dinner AGAIN, very large and physically intimidating men, Jaehaerys being very much a brother, Joffrey and Luke being little shithead brothers,

Romantic Pairings: Very brief focus on Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!Reader, Very brief focus on Jacaerys Velaryon x Twin!Reader, Aegon Targaryen ii x Velaryon!Reader.

Other characters shining in this chapter: Ser Erryk, Jaehaera Targaryen, Lucerys Velaryon, Joffrey Velaryon, Aegon iii, Viserys Targaryen ii, Rhaenyra Targaryen, Alicent Hightower

Word count: 6.6k (oops)

The fuzzy feelings disappeared by late afternoon. A bright side was that I was absolutely starving when dinner time came. When I stood from my bed, I found I still had no pain. It was great to be able to walk across the room in less than five minutes.

I met Ser Erryk just outside my room. He greeted me as he always did, cheerful and just seemingly grateful. He spoke to me of the apparent menu for the night. We were to have braised goose with roasted chestnuts and cabbage.

“You like goose?” I asked him as we walked.

“I do, princess. It is greasy, so unappealing to some. I believe your mother is among them,” he said, smiling at me.

“It was a joke of sorts, between her and my father. A discussion they had before they were married. She likes to have it every so often as a way to remember him,” I told him.

It was true enough. The reason why Ser Laenor was who claimed us was apparent to me when I thought of him. He was never without the company of a male companion. When we first went to Dragonstone, he brought a young knight. Joffrey is named after a knight he knew in his youth, whose death devastated him in unimaginable ways. He loved them both deeply and in a way he could never love Mother.

It was known to her before they married, so when she spoke to him of the marriage, she assured him it would not impose on his life. She equated it to taste, saying like her, he preferred roast duck to goose. There was nothing wrong with that. Some people just like things and that was that.

After his death, I found Mother would request goose for our dinner. When I pointed out that he had never picked it out himself, she told me that was the point. The goose was meant to represent their effort in marriage, and for her it was a way to honor him. She had so much love for him, and he for her, even if it was not the type of love she shared with my blood father or even Daemon.

I truly believe they were soulmates. Most believed that soulmates were romantic, that it always ended with love and sex and all those things that made people gooey inside. There was not a person alive, though, that could convince me Mother and Laenor did not belong together in life even though they were not in love. You cannot have a best friend like that and tell me that the gods did not design you for that person.

Often I think how there was nobody better than Laenor to have been with her. Yes, my father and her loved one another in a way most wouldn’t understand. Yes, Daemon seems an equal match for her now. And yes, Laenor had loved his male companions the way he perhaps should’ve loved the one he married. But they understood each other on a fundamental level. They never begrudged one another, never showed anything to us that wasn’t pure love and respect for not only us but one another. Even if it were not romantic love, they were made to love each other.

“Ser Laenor was a good man. I think he would be proud of who you are,” he told me. “I truly believe that.”

Sometimes I didn’t know how to feel about Ser Laenor. He was not my blood. His opinions on me truly held no bearing in the grand scheme of things, as he was never who I had to impress. My inheritance would’ve never come from him.

But anytime I heard he would be proud of me, I wanted to beg for more. Blood or not he was my father. He was the man who claimed me. He loved me. How could I not want him to be proud of me?

“Thank you, Ser Erryk. I appreciate it,” I whispered, trying to not let my voice crack under the emotion.

We continued walking along without speaking any further. I could hear music and laughter as we approached the Small Hall. Don’t let the name fool you, though. Located in the Tower of the Hand, it had to be smaller than the Great Hall where the Throne sat, but this hall still held over two hundred people if so desired. With a family so large, it made sense to have our dinners here.

Erryk went to open the door but I reached out my hand to grab his before he could. The sounds of the ones I love being happy on the other side of this door terrified me. We were all mostly happy that night, the night I disappeared. At least we were for a moment in time.

My finger tips went numb and my bottom lip was trembling. It had been hard enough just being alone with those I’ve had time with already. But to see all of them, all at once, felt like it was an impossible task.

I had yet to speak to any of my brothers other than Jace. Trying to face the very distinct possibility of Little Aegon and Viserys disliking me felt like my stomach was being tied in knots. Joffrey was fourteen now, what if he didn’t like me either? Or if Luke was angry with me, somehow blaming me for being gone, I don’t think I could take it.

So much time had been lost. I was newly eighteen when I disappeared, now Jace and I were fast approaching twenty four. Aemond had been nineteen, Helaena twenty, Aegon twenty two, and Luke just fifteen. We all had so much time together. But Joffrey had only been nine, Little Aegon four, and Viserys only two. I had missed such a grand portion of their lives, even more when thinking of the year I was in King’s Landing beforehand, I didn’t think I could fit.

“We can go back if you wish,” Erryk said quietly to me. “I will make some excuse as to why you remain in your rooms. They needn’t know.”

“What kind of person is scared of their family for no reason?” I whispered to him, looking at him as a tear slowly rolled down my cheek.

It would maybe make sense if they had been terrible to me. But even the worst among them treated me as though I was golden. Alicent, who had undoubtedly been abhorrent to Mother and my brothers to the point she demanded all of us be brought to her when Mother was fresh from her labors, had loved me. I could distinctly remember sitting on her lap as a small child while my grandsire told Jace and I about the Kingdoms the would one day be ours.

“The first time Arryk and I went home after we were appointed to the Kingsguard, I was certain our parents would shut the door in our face,” he told me. “How could they not? I mean we were the only two heirs to our house and we both took an oath that forbade us from having lands, having a wife, having children. We effectively ended our house with us. But all our parents cared about was that we were happy and safe. It is not a ridiculous notion to fear what we do not know. Yet you cannot let your fears keep you from them.”

I could not look him in the eye. Part of me was so ashamed to feel as scared that I did. To me, it was a ridiculous notion. I’m the blood of the dragon, how could I fear anything?

He put his other hand over top mine, that still held onto him like my life depended on it. That was what let me meet his gaze. He truly looked at me with nothing but kindness in his eyes.

“When you were a girl, it is not that you were fearless. It is that you have always loved so fiercely your own fears did not stop you. When you sabotaged the soil stores so that the garden bugs would not die, you faced your mother, Queen Alicent, and your grandsire with tears in your eyes. You were scared of being in trouble, of having done something wrong. Even so, you held Helaena’s hand and explained why you did it. The night of Aemond’s injury, you were scared to anger everyone in explaining what happened. Yet, what mattered to you was the truth and so you told the truth,” he explained to me. “I offer again that I can take you back to your room and I will tell them you were not feeling well.”

The faith he had in the person I am felt comforting. At least there was one person who knew truly who I am. He had no reason to make me fit a certain mold. It was not like with Aemond or Jace in which he needed me to be this perfect representation of a person. He did not need me to understand the darkest parts of him like Aegon did. It was truly like he was a friend.

“Do not stray far from me,” I said quietly to him.

Releasing his hand, I stood straight and readied myself. He opened the door and stood to the side.

When I stepped into the room, for a moment nobody really noticed me and I just got to watch. Viserys, Little Aegon, and Maelor were all running around the room in a game. Mother and Alicent were speaking to one another, smiling. Jaehaerys and Jaehaera were animatedly discussing something with Aemond and Helaena. Luke, Jace, and Aegon were all hunched over the table as they laughed about something. Joffrey was in the corner of the room sneaking a little cake.

They were all so happy. Was this truly what it was like all the time now? Had the wounds of the past been so forgotten we could live like this?

Surprisingly, the first to notice me was Jaehaera. She very obviously lit up upon seeing me and got up from her chair near immediately. Wasting no time, she went to the empty chair in between Mother and Alicent and grabbed a bouquet of flowers that had sat in it. It was then others took notice of her movements and all their eyes shifted from her to me.

When I began feeling the fear bubbling up inside me again and my fingertips once again felt numb, I just focused on Jaehaera. This little girl who was so happy when she noticed me, a little girl I adored so much, was now running to me with these flowers in her hand. They were a pretty assortment, consisting peonies, tulips, and lilies.

“Mumma says you like flowers so I picked the prettiest ones,” she said happily when she stopped in front of me. She very proudly held out her bouquet so that I could admire her work.

I smiled softly at Jaehaera as tears welled up in my eyes. “They are lovely, thank you little one,” I said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. Carefully I took the bouquet from her and held it in my hands.

They were not flawless flowers. One of the peonies had not fully bloomed while another had already begun to lose its petals. The lilies had been slightly crushed against the weight of the other flowers. I noticed the tulips had little teeny insects crawling around on them, which Helaena and her children no doubt saw as an added benefit, and as such there were teeny holes in some of the petals. But there was not enough gold in the world that could convince me to rid myself of this bouquet. Despite the flaws, I could not think of it as anything less than perfect. Erryk took them in his own hand before he arranged for a serving girl to take them to my room and put them in water.

She took my hand in hers and began pulling me along to the table. Even in her excitement, she also seemed to be careful with me like everyone else had been.

“Do you want to sit next to me??” Jaehaerys said loudly when I was in arms reach of the table. It caused Jaehaera to stop her path, therefore stopping me.

“Inside voice, bubba,” Jaehaera said softly to him before looking at me. “Excuse him. He forgets we all have ears.”

“That’s okay, Luke was like that too when he was little,” I said to her. It caused them both to grin from ear to ear.

“Did you hear that Jae Jae? I’m like Luke,” he said, noticeably quieter this time, but just as excitedly.

“I am just glad someone else knows about brothers,” Jaehaera said with a giggle.

“I would like to point out that I had no choice but to be loud to make sure I was heard over Jace’s big mouth,” Luke said as he stood from his seat.

When Luke stood I realized he was taller than me. Not near as tall as Aegon, but a noticeable few inches. It caused a great stirring of emotions in my chest. I had anticipated my brothers growing taller than me, in fact it surprised me that Jace was only my height and not taller. Yet, not being here to notice it happening caused an ache.

Especially with Luke. He was only three years younger than me, so I did not remember his birth or his little years quite like I remembered Joffrey’s, Little Aegon’s, or Viserys’. That didn’t keep me from remembering bits and pieces, though. Like, I used to help Mother pick out the clothes he wore as a baby as though he was a doll. I snuck out of bed one night when he was a newborn so that I could sleep next to his cradle. I could remember the first time he got sick and, instead of going to Mother and Laenor, he crawled into bed between Jace and I and leaked snot all over my chest.

The bad parts, the good parts, all of it was not something I would trade for the world. Despite having more conscious thoughts when the younger three were babies, Luke was my baby. To me there was nobody better. He was as good and pure as a person could get. If Mother thought I was the best parts of both my fathers, Luke was the best parts of me. He was every good thing in this world rolled into the sweetest package.

“Now you can’t hold sweets over my head and keep me from getting them,” he said playfully.

“No, but I can still sit on your head until you cry,” I responded. My own ear to ear grin spread across my face. I did not care that it hurt my lip as the skin stretched. Luke was worth it.

“I cried one time! You were crushing my ear!” he defended adamantly.

“I maintain to this day that you should not have taken my book,” I told him with a shrug.

“Hadn’t he already handed it back to you when you sat on him?” Jace asked me.

“I don’t recall asking for your input, Jace,” I said quickly causing Luke to laugh.

Luke was truly a man now. His laugh was deeper, as was his voice. He was twenty now and by no means could he be confused as a child.

He wrapped his arms around me in a near bone crushing hug. Even with the pain shooting through my ribs, I could not ask him to ease up. The world felt right the moment he hugged me. Like the years had not passed without me.

I noticed he smelled like the sea. Salt water and open sky, with just a trace of the smell of the wood the ships were made of. If I had to guess, he spent a lot of time in Driftmark now, preparing himself for when Grandsire Corlys was no longer able to hold the Driftwood Throne. When he was little and we suffered the loss of both Ser Harwin and our Aunt Laena, he feared becoming Lord of Driftmark as he knew the death that would precede that moment. If he had been able to move past that fear, I was grateful.

“Are you a sailor now?” I asked as I pulled back from him.

“Only sometimes. Grandsire has spent two years teaching me how to,” he answered. He had a shy, goofy little smile on his face.

“And I would imagine he regales you with stories of the Velaryon blood ruling the seas every moment of it,” I joked.

“Would he be him if he weren’t the proudest man alive?” he asked.

My three Velaryon brothers and Mother all chuckled at that. Genuinely speaking I could not think of a prouder man alive. Our grandfather had held House Velaryon miles above any house, including Targaryens. I think it was because the Targaryens were dragonlords making him think we were handed power, whereas Velaryons seemed to build everything themselves. There was a pride to be held in that, of course. But Westeros was not conquered by shipmasters, now was it?

With this laughter, I took a moment to look around, turning around the room, and settling to look at Joffrey. Fourteen certainly was not the age of a man but compared to the nine year old I left behind he might as well have been. My little Joffrey, whose birth was the first I truly remember, making the three of us older ones so excited. We were downright annoying when it came to him.

Jace had decided we needed to pick the egg for him ourselves. Without uttering a word to anyone, we snuck away from the dragonkeeper charged in teaching us our lesson that day and delved far into the Dragonpit. Luke excitedly picked the egg from one of Syrax’s clutches. As the three of us had been given one, with only mine not hatching, we had to give the baby an egg that came from Mother’s dragon. Our father found us as we were trying to carry the red hot cauldron to the Keep. With his help, and the enlisted help of a few keepers, we awaited the arrival of the baby eagerly.

We took turns stoking the flames underneath it to keep it warm while we waited for Mother. And when she returned, followed closely by Laenor with the baby boy in hand, Luke and Jace both desperately wanted to get close to him. Laenor and father had to practically bat them away so that our baby brother could meet our father.

For myself, I can only remember looking at my perfect family. While in that moment I had not been told the truth of my birth, I knew. It was not so much a moment of realization that none of my brothers or I looked like Laenor, instead favoring Mother’s sworn shield. It was not even hearing the rumors and embodying them as a sort of self fulfilling prophecy. No, all it took was me seeing how Laenor yielded in that moment to Harwin and seeing the way this mountain of a man became so soft when gazing upon Joffrey for me to know. He was a man who was granted love in undeniable ways and he was a part of our family.

Joffrey looked the most like our father. The four of us all had his hair color and his complexion, of course. Jace and I got his eyes, according to Mother, and I could agree. The colors were the same on all four of us, yet we got the shape. I could see on Jace the little crinkles in the corners that our father had. Luke had his smile to the point that when our father died, I desperately worked to make Luke smile for days so that I could feel the embrace of the man who created me. Yet Joffrey had it all. His eyes, his nose, his smile, even the height and bulk of him. There were traces of Mother, like in the angles of his jawline or the placement of his cheekbones. But one could be forgiven if they thought Harwin Strong walked the halls of the Red Keep again when seeing Joffrey.

How cruelly ironic. The one who only got a few meetings with our father was the one who looked to be a trueborn Strong and not the dirty little secret I always felt like. The one who would never know our father or Laenor and the way they both loved us, who was robbed of the perfect family I loved so much, was everything I begged to be. A perfect embodiment of the father I prayed returned to me sat before me in the form of the last of his children.

“Joffrey, I believe Y/N would appreciate if you could come closer,” Aemond’s voice said from somewhere out of my view. I believed he may be behind me, with Jaehaera on my left and Luke still to my right. I could not be bothered to check.

Joffrey nodded and placed the sweet down on a nearby table before walking closer to me. He wiped his hands against his pants, highlighting to me that he was wearing Targaryen colors of black and not Velaryon ones. I could see the crumbs fall to the floor as he walked. It was almost enough to make me laugh.

“Have you been so short your entire life?” he asked when he stood in front of me. He was taller than Aemond even, wider around the middle, broader along the shoulders than Jace. It was terrifying when one realized most of that was probably muscle, and most likely he had more growing to do.

“I would like to point out I am perfectly normal height,” I said, huffing a bit. “You are just tall.”

“To you. To me, you are short. Perspective, sissy,” he said.

My heart caught in my throat. It wasn’t that I had anticipated him to forget me or all the time I had spent teaching him of the world. But hearing him call me sissy and confirming that I still had a place in his heart made my own ache in unexpected ways.

Wrapping my arms around his middle, I pulled him into a tight hug. It was a hug he returned eagerly, holding me as tight as I held him. Just as with Luke, I couldn’t be bothered to care about any of the pain coursing through my body.

Luke and Joffrey had so much of me in them. Luke was my baby and Joffrey was my sidekick. Where one clung to me the other did just the same. For the longest time you could not find me without them. I did everything for them to ensure their lives. Luke and I spent hours just standing on the deck of our ship so that I could help him overcome his fear of the sea. I was the one who taught Joffrey to read, and then taught him as much as I could of politics and history. Both of them spent so much time with me in the gardens of Dragonstone as I tended to the flowers.

When I finally convinced myself that I could let go without him disappearing, I pulled away from his hold. Concern drew itself onto his face. If the empty yet extraordinarily heavy feeling in my head and the fire spreading through my chest had caused me to look as I felt in this moment, I would imagine I’d look much the same as he did. In truth I could not care to look at everyone else. Leaning forward to lean against Joffrey, I tried to steady my breathing.

“Let’s sit you down,” Luke whispered from behind me. I can only assume I nodded as he and Joffrey both supported me to sit me in the chair between Alicent and Mother. The last note of music that filled the room just moments ago echoed from every wall before the room fell into silence.

“Y/N, you mustn’t overdo it, sweet girl,” Mother said quietly, pressing a cooled rag to my head.

“I couldn’t tell them to stop, mama. My babies still love me,” I whispered to her, gripping her wrist to still her hand. The suddenness of my movement caused me a blinding flash of burning pain.

“Perhaps we should order some milk of the poppy,” Alicent suggested, looking between Mother and me.

“No, no,” I begged her, tears springing to my eyes.

Let me be clear and say I understand the benefits of the medicine. It is extremely effective in easing pain and in large enough quantities, could incapacitate an entire Dothraki horde. Though I dare anyone to watch their grandfather wither to be but a living, skin covered skeleton and he can’t even acknowledge his breathing because he is so addled by the shit.

I am not stupid enough to think back on his life and legacy and think him a good King nor even a good father. But I do know, factually know, that he was a man who loved his family dearly. A man who was taken advantage of in his deepest grief and never fixed the mistakes made in those times. A man who deserved more than to die so slowly while his brain, his very capable and beautiful brain, wasted away because of the only treatment for his pain.

When you watch a man go from being able to tell you about the Kingdom he loves, that one day you will rule, to not even being able to remember your existence, it changes things. When you watch him become so frail and thin that being turned the wrong way breaks his bones, yet remain so puffy under the eye and in his fingertips because of the poison, you may refuse it too. His younger children may not have cared, of that I will not speak on. But I cared, and it terrified me.

Would he have been in so much pain constantly if he hadn’t taken it so regularly? What if he was being treated for an ailment that was caused by milk of the poppy? And if that was true, how much would it take before I could not exist without it?

“Y/N, you cannot live in this pain,” Mother said to me.

“I cannot live like that,” I corrected her.

“Your grandsire was very sick for a long time, you will heal in mere weeks. But you cannot heal if you live in this pain,” Alicent said. Her voice was just as quiet and soothing as Mother’s as she petted my hair.

Very slowly, I adjusted my body in my chair to look to Aegon. He was watching me with silent tears in his eyes. But when our wet gazes locked together he understood what I needed. He did not need anything else from me. He understood my pain as I did his.

After pushing himself to a stand from his seat, he wasted no time in getting to my side. All the while he was reaching in his sleeve to pull out the pouch with the biscuits. Within a moment he was by my side, kneeling to be able to look up at my face.

“Stars?” he asked me. It took me less than half a breath to know he was asking how severe my pain, if it was enough to make me see stars. He knew it went beyond feeling knives in my body but he could not tell further.

“Lightning,” I muttered to him.

He had once theorized the lightning that extended from the sky during the worst of storms would be the most painful thing to be hit by. It was on a late night adventure, one that quickly turned into a two day adventure, that he had dragged me on not long before I had Vhaela. We mounted Sunfyre together and flew to Harrenhal. Quick enough flying on Sunfyre, though it took nearly all night. When we had arrived, a storm had come overhead, and we watched as lightning struck the large castle no less than three times. The stone was surprisingly mostly unscathed, save for the burn marks permanently etched on its side. When we spoke of a human withstanding just one strike, he said you’d nearly die from the pain alone.

It was how I knew he would understand. This was not the pain I experienced falling from my bed when I was six. This was a burning, pulsating pain that caused me to lose parts of my sight. A pain so severe I could not breathe properly.

He helped me eat a significant bit more than what I had earlier. Mainly because every time I moved myself I was hit with another flash of pain. It was just easier to allow his help.

“The larger portion may not quicken the effects but it will help manage your pain better,” he said quietly to me. “Tell me what I can do in the meanwhile.”

“Stay right here and have everyone return to their joy,” I whispered to him as I took his hand. “At the least I wish to see everyone smile.”

He nodded softly and looked to Alicent. Within a few minutes, the music started back up and not long after that the chatter started up again. I would have to be oblivious to not notice the worried looks Mother and Alicent still gave me. Though those looks were nothing compared to the way Aemond and Jace were glaring at Aegon.

Genuinely speaking, it was a lot like watching children. It was as though Aemond and Jace had never once considered that anyone else would want to play their game. They only considered each other and knew what to expect from them. But now they viewed Aegon as a competitor.

Was Aegon a competitor? Sure he had said earlier how he loved me, that I was the only woman he loved. But he did not put his hand forward. He did not express a desire to be with me despite the love he held for me. I could no more count him as a contender for my heart as I could Ser Erryk.

Where Aemond and Jace looked on at him in anger, Aegon paid no mind. His eyes were focused solely on me. And every time I met his gaze, I gave him a small squeeze in the hand.

Six songs passed before I felt any relief. At first it wasn’t noticed until I could take a full breath. It was when I turned my head to watch as the food was brought in that it became clear that I could now manage. It seemed it became clear to Aegon, too, as he left my side and took his place back across from Luke.

Luke, Jace, and Aegon took the seats on the end of the table nearest the windows. Luke and Aegon on the very end, Jace beside Aegon. Joffrey took a spot next to Luke. Then beside Joffrey sat Aemond, and beside Jace there was Helaena. Next to Aemond was Alicent, with Jaehaera across from her. Then you had me and I was sat across from Jaehaerys. To my right was Mother, and across from her sat Maelor. There was two empty seats on Mother’s other side, and across from them was Little Aegon and Viserys. Then a singular chair that looked down the whole of the table sat on the very end, also empty, and that was closest to the kitchen.

Alicent lead us all in prayer. Truthfully, I probably should’ve paid more mind to the words she was saying. It mattered a lot to her, Helaena, and even Aemond. Yet, when I looked down the table and saw Aegon watching my every move, every thought from my head left. So instead, I looked directly at my plate.

The juices that flowed from the goose glistened in the candlelight that danced against every surface in stunning opposition to how the dark gravy absorbed light. The cabbage and roasted chestnuts sat to the side of it, looking decently appealing on their own. There was a basket of bread placed down for every four people. All of the adults, save Aegon and I, had a large cup of wine sitting in front of them. If Aegon and the children had the same as me, we all had water. Once Alicent was done saying her prayers, the only sound to be heard was all of us eating our food.

It was delicious. Though it was not a surprise to me, as the cooks here in King’s Landing had always been phenomenal. Maybe it was the fuzziness in my head that made it more apparent. Yet, it seemed more complex than normal. The meat was almost sweeter, the gravy with a level of saltiness that counteracted it perfectly. The chestnuts were almost like velvet in my mouth, creating a feeling akin to butter. Even cabbage, that I normally did not like, was something I would pick again and again.

“Did you try to come back?” A small voice asked. I looked up, only to see Viserys staring at me.

“Viserys,” Mother said firmly. It was her warning tone. Perhaps she did not think it proper for him to question me.

“I can’t remember,” I said quietly. “But I cannot imagine a reality in which I did not fight to return back to you all.”

“Is that why you are all beat up?” Little Aegon asked me.

“Aegon,” Mother said with the same firmness. I reached to take her hand in mine and gave it a small squeeze. She needed to understand that they were allowed to ask me, I could not fault them for being confused.

“Possibly. But I do not remember,” I told him.

“Do you remember anything?” they both asked at the same time.

“Not from when I was gone, no,” I whispered. “But I remember before I was gone. I remember loving the two of you so much. I am sorry I disappeared, and I am sorry that you both grew up without me.”

All of that was mostly true. I hated my disappearance, as it did take me away from everyone I loved. Yet to say I do not remember anything from the time I was gone may not be true.

In my thoughts, I could wade through the fog that the biscuit causes. Only in this feeling did I get any information from my brain. When I tried desperately to remember the last five years, there were only two things that my mind could conjure up. A glowing vial of shimmering red fire that I am near certain was a potion swirled in and out of my mind’s eye. And there was a distinct feeling loneliness, of knowing that where I existed was not where I belonged.

The shade of red of the potion was eerily familiar. While equating it to fire would be the right way to imagine the way that the liquid flowed, it was poor in grasping the color. One could tell me that someone was able to melt rubies into this vial and I would believe them. That was the only physical thing that was colored correctly.

Until I could explain more or had more answers, I would not say anything. With how desperate Mother and Aemond were for vengeance, giving them half answers could cause more damage that it would repair. It was not worth it.

“Do you want to come to our dragon lessons tomorrow?” Little Aegon asked.

Unable to verbalize my answer, I nodded. Spending time with my two littlest brothers felt like exactly what I needed. They may not be quite sure about me at all, but they were willing to give me a chance. I suppose that is all I could ask for.

The sound of a chair scraping against the stone floor brought my attention to the left side of the table. Aemond stood with his cup raised. My jaw tightened. The last time he gave a toast, he managed to call my brothers bastards while ignoring that it meant I too was a bastard. It caused a fight to break out, with Jace punching Aemond and Aegon slamming Luke into the table. I was not wanting a repeat and I doubt anyone else did.

“A toast,” Aemond said. “To the return of Ali. The Keep had truly existed in a darkness without you.”

A heat rose to my cheeks with his words. It was tame, I suppose, with what he could say. Although, I do wish he would just have not brought any further attention to me. I don’t think I would be able to say anything to him though.

“I wish to take this moment to make it clear,” he said. As always there was a confidence he held that I couldn’t shake. “Byka zaldrīzes, no longer do I wish to hide my affections. It is here and now that I am declaring my intention to marry you.”

My heart started skipping beats. While he had said it aloud to me, he had not voiced it to anyone else. And it wasn’t entirely like it was a secret, as he had always been rather obvious. With this declaration there was no longer a doubt about where I stood with him.

Jace stood up quickly, slamming his hands on the table as he did so. “She is my twin, Aemond, my betrothed. You do not get to decide such a thing,” he said angrily.

Aegon grabbed Jace’s shoulder and pulled him back into a sitting position. I was aware of Aemond smirking as he watched Jace. Leave it to him to make this a little game, a game which he is certain he will win.

“It is not your decision, either,” Aegon told him as though he were spitting poison at him. My jaw dropped slightly. It was not usual that I saw him actually angry.

“And you think you get any say?” Aemond asked his older brother.

“I think the two of you are so focused on this pissing contest that’s been going on since we were children you fail to realize that she is hurt,” Aegon shouted, standing up. Despite being shorter than Aemond and not as broad as Jace, he somehow made himself look larger. He made himself an unmoving force.

“I better than anyone know that she is hurt,” Aemond said darkly, to which Jace voiced the same sentiment.

“Are you both so truly lost in your desires that you are ignoring the anguish she is in? She caused herself so much pain she was barely conscious just so she could feel as though she still has a place! Do not pretend this is about anyone other than the two of you,” Aegon shouted.

“And what of you? What is your plan, dear brother?” Aemond asked, moving himself to appear larger.

The difference between them in this moment was fascinating. Aemond wanted to prove his dominance. He felt he had some claim to me just because of the love he and I share. With Aegon, though, it was because he wanted to prove nothing more than he was capable of protecting me.

Aegon turned to look at me. I could see him ease up almost immediately. It was like just the sight of me was enough to calm him.

“I am here however you choose to have me,” he said softly, addressing me directly.

#dividers by benkeibear #aegon targaryen ii #out of time #jacaerys velaryon #aemond targaryen #tom glynn carney #hotd #aegon targaryen ii x reader #aemond targaryen x reader #ewan mitchell #jacaerys velaryon x reader #house of the dragon

[blues-sues]

Unfortunately the ask @dingbat-things sent was EATEN BY TUMBLR but luckily

I got it screenshot!

Alright! So ... The babies...

I'm really attached to Charm & Todd so I think I'll keep them but it's up to dingbat whether or not they'll keep Quiz!

Now, onto my rambles!

Relationship between parents: Rue & Lumi would probably get along, honestly. Rue herself is pretty soft for kids, but she also has ZERO EXPERIENCE when dealing with them. The lab doesn't really let her around the younglings yet. But I think with some practice and support from Lumi she'd be quite the impressive parent. Going all out for anything they want. I'm sure Lumi finds it funny when Rue is used as a living jungle gym against her will because it definitely surprises her.

Relationship with children:

Rue; Rue tries to be close to them, but it's... Hard. She never had a stable parental figure growing up, so it's distressing trying to figure out how to parent. Luckily- she has Charm. Charm is the chillest child one could get. She loves to simply cuddle up to her parents and is very quiet. She prefers to listen. Rue knows she shouldn't pick favorites, but she feels lots of affection to her daughter. Todd is also a very attached fella, but it doesn't matter to who. He likes climbing on ANYONE he can. Literally anyone within reach and boom he's climbing on them. Quiz and her unfortunately aren't that close...

Lumi; Lumi has to deal with Quiz being a clingy shithead. Quiz will not let him go ANYWHERE without him. He's like a purse you can never take off, clinging onto his arm constantly. Nobody knows WHY he's so clingy, it's like he was born to be attached to things. He and Todd definitely climb on eachother when they're left alone and it becomes a battle of who can cling to the other the longest. Charm also enjoys using her father as a fluffy pillow due to his slightly longer fur. Makes him comfy to lay on.

Children info:

Todd, male, he/him, rash nature, proud of it's power.

Charm, female, she/her, quiet nature, often lost in thought.

Quiz, male, he/him, brave nature, likes to thrash about.

Note: Dingbat is allowed to make any changes to Quiz if they wish to keep him!

#pokemon #mewtwo #mewtwo oc #babytwo #blues' crackship

[wolfymysterypaws]

Hi Everyone! I'm finally posting an “About Me” post, so that if you're interested in the stuff I post, you'll know a little more about me.

My Name is Steven! 🙇

I am 22 as of now (January 3rd is my birthday!) 🎈

I am Trans Female to Male! 🏳️‍⚧️

My Pronouns are He/They! 🫶

I am Gay! 🏳️‍🌈

I am an Artist! 🎨

I am a Furry! (“Furry”, meaning I have a fursona I draw and would like to someday turn them into a fursuit so I am able to attend Furry Cons with Style ✨!) 🐺

I could be Autistic, I do show signs of it but it is hard to get a diagnosis BECAUSE My parents are against it and as an AFAB, the doctors will most likely miss it. ♾️

Interests

Horror! 🎃

Animals! 😺

Video Games! 🎮

Art (Whether it be Drawing, Painting, heck, even Editing!) 🎨

YouTubers (Markiplier, Ethan Nestor, Jake and Johnnie..) ▶️

Specific Interests

Stranger Things (I am well informed about the current situation with one of the actors. I do want him out of the series, it broke my heart to hear all this. I'm mostly here for Steve Harrington.)

Dead By Daylight 🪝

Saw 🐷🌀🧩

Scream 👻

Mortal Kombat 🥷💪

Music! (Green Day, Maroon 5, Lady Gaga, PARANOiD DJ, Avicii, Mystery Skulls...) 🎶

Resident Evil 🧟‍♂️

Hazbin Hotel 🏨 🕷️

Helluva Boss (Sometimes, I'm only there for Octavia) 🦉

Team Fortress 2 🔫

One Piece 🏴‍☠️

FNaF (Not really SB, but it might be included) 🦊🐰 🐻 🐔

Outlast 🥼

If I think of any other Fandoms I'm in, I will update this list! I should probably make a DNI (Do Not Interact with me) list as well.

DNI LIST

Proshippers

Anyone who causes toxicity

Z**philes

P**ophiles

If you don't like my stuff, go away. I don't wanna hear your bitchin' about what I post.

Minors. Sorry, kids. This stuff ain't for you. Nothing personal.

Just because I live in Alabama, it doesn't mean I'm pro incest. Stfu and go away. We don't do that here. (ADOPTED SIBLINGS AND STEP SIBLINGS, COUNT. IT'S TOO CLOSE.)

Any Queerphobic shitheads.

Religion pushers. I do love Jesus but I don't push my beliefs on anyone 💀

As of right now, I will close this off with if anyone would like to chat, my dms are open! I'm here for you 🫶

I am very often accepting, Idc what you look like or who you identify as (as long as it's not a problem!), I'm always willing to make new friends. Mwah, Mwah 💋🫰

I'm not really ready to post my fursona on here just yet but if you would like to see them, they're on my Instagram!

IG: @starstruckspider

🫰🫶

You matter. I love you 💕

-Steven 🐺

#intro post #blog intro #lgbtqia #transgender #ftm bottom #mortal kombat 1 #resident evil #dead by daylight #stranger things #joe keery #avicii #furry #furry artist #saw #saw franchise #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #team fortress 2 #one piece #outlast #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #green day #gay #mystery skulls animated #lady gaga #maroon 5 #scream #steve harrington

[torchd]

Looks like [ we’re ] about to be mobbed by another horde of my adoring fans!

► GENERAL INFORMATION

FULL NAME & ALIAS: jonathan lowell spencer “johnny” storm / the human torch CURRENT TEAM(S): fantastic four PREVIOUS ALIASES: none AGE: 30′s SPECIES: human ( + exposed to high levels of cosmic ratiation ) MULTIVERSAL ORIGIN: earth-616 GENDER IDENTITY: cisgendered male SEXUALITY: bisexual NATIONALITY: american ETHNICITY: white

► APPEARANCE

FACE CLAIM: billy magnussen SPECIAL / RECOGNIZABLE FEATURES: often seen on fireHAIR COLOR: blond EYE COLOR: blue ACCENT: subtle long island accent, only comes out when he’s angry or intoxicated CURRENT COSTUME: the famous blue f4 onesie

► BACKGROUND

CURRENT HOME: the baxter building PAST OCCUPATION: actor, mechanic, race car driver, circus performer, musician CURRENT OCCUPATION:  firefighter ( he’s very proud of the work he’s done in this position ), CFO of fantastic four inc. ( let’s be honest, he’s just there to look pretty ) SNAP STATUS: survived in another reality

► RELATIONS

SIBLING(S): susan storm-richards / the invisible woman PARTNER(S): kaila ( ex-girlfriend ) CHILDREN: none PARENT(S): franklin and mary storm ( both deceased )

► HEADCANONS/FUN FACTS

he’s a bath bomb guy.

he is the best uncle to franklin and valeria, the fun uncle if you will. he’s constantly taking them to the arcade, to coney island, the beach, etc. anything to be cooler than ben.

he’s incredibly close with his sister; he’d move mountains for her, he became the sun for her.

after his experience in battleworld AND after being stuck with his flame perpetually on, he’s much more hesitant to flame on in situations that don’t necessarily need it.

he’s a bit of a cartoon snob. the simpsons is a cultural touchstone, though.

his favorite actor is daniel day lewis. he cried while watching lincoln.

he loves spicy food.

despite what many may think, he is an avid reader. he’s really into tom clancy’s stuff, but because he’s so active and rarely ever sits down with a physical book, he mainly listens to them as audiobooks.

► WANTED CONNECTIONS

ben grimm & reed richards ( 616 ) - the other half of the fantastic four franklin or valeria storm-richards ( 616 ) - his shithead niece and nephew whom he loves dearly

#mvprompts #prompt #bio.

[anotherrpfinder]

A Clockwork Orange RP

Hey there! Looking for a partner to co-write A Clockwork Orange fic with.

Pairings - any top!male with bottom!Alex, to be honest top!Dim, Georgie, or Pete / bottom!Alex top!Deltoid / bottom!Alex (please judge the absolute shit out of me for this one, but I am craving this) top!maleOC / bottom!Alex Alex / femaleOC (prefer not to write m/f, but if my partner is adamant on this pairing and we've gotten along thus far, I would be willing to do so)

I'm not 100% sure on a plot just yet, but that's something we can discuss together! Maybe something post-canon where Alex has been released from prison and is now around 18, 19 years old. Once again on the prowl, due to the Ludo not working as well as it did in the film. Perhaps a fic with more of his parents' involvement, would be interesting to write.

I'm a sucker for angst and also hurt/comfort, so anything involving those themes work for me! Interested in writing something where shithead Alex gets what he deserves. Open to rape, humiliation, and most other NSFW scenarios.

Please be willing to play other characters as necessary for the fic.

I'd love for this to be an ongoing, slowburn-style fic as opposed to a quick one-shot, though not opposed to writing one-shots on the side with the right person!

If interested, "Like" this ad/private message me, and I'll get back to you!

#a clockwork orange #a clockwork orange rp #roleplay #rp #alex delarge rp

★

#a clockwork orange #a clockwork orange rp #roleplay #rp #alex delarge rp #m x m rp #m x f rp

[findroleplay]

A Clockwork Orange RP

Hey there! Looking for a partner to co-write A Clockwork Orange fic with.

Pairings - any top!male with bottom!Alex, to be honest top!Dim, Georgie, or Pete / bottom!Alex top!Deltoid / bottom!Alex (please judge the absolute shit out of me for this one, but I am craving this) top!maleOC / bottom!Alex Alex / femaleOC (prefer not to write m/f, but if my partner is adamant on this pairing and we've gotten along thus far, I would be willing to do so)

I'm not 100% sure on a plot just yet, but that's something we can discuss together! Maybe something post-canon where Alex has been released from prison and is now around 18, 19 years old. Once again on the prowl, due to the Ludo not working as well as it did in the film. Perhaps a fic with more of his parents' involvement, would be interesting to write.

I'm a sucker for angst and also hurt/comfort, so anything involving those themes work for me! Interested in writing something where shithead Alex gets what he deserves. Open to rape, humiliation, and most other NSFW scenarios.

Please be willing to play other characters as necessary for the fic.

I'd love for this to be an ongoing, slowburn-style fic as opposed to a quick one-shot, though not opposed to writing one-shots on the side with the right person!

If interested, "Like" this ad/private message me, and I'll get back to you!

_

#roleplay #rp #a clockwork orange rp

[macpreg]

.

#okay so i just wanna rant #so my male parent is a shithead #you all know this #my whole family knows this #he has admitted to this #and yet still...... here i am......... living with him bc my mother refuses to accept that he is a horrible and abusive person #like i tell people about the one thing i know hes done bc he admitted to doing it and theyre shocked that i still live with him #thats not fucking normal #i just want to move out but im still in full time education bc my parents were shit and left me for 2 and a half years #so yeah #cant get a job -> cant move out -> stuck living with people who hate me #oh also i probably gave my sister PTSD #so thats fun #im not gonna say boo hoo poor me but like i didnt even have control when u did the shit that i did #i was driven to meltdown by my brother and d*d but she hates me and its so stressful #like shes allowed to but i also really want to leave so she can work through her stuff without the person who caused it being around her #bc thats the decent thing to do #i just wanna scream and not take my meds and just fucking off myself #ember rambles

[my-misplaced-stew]

hii again! could i get spy platonically with how he would feel abt a male/gn reader of abt 15 who has that too mature for their age vibe & lives in the base with the mercs for reasons (mildly shitty parents is one) whos a snarky and blunt shithead but very sweet thoughtful & genuine when things get serious who is kind of seeing scout as an older bro & slowly father figuring spy in the same sense without telling them like they went yea these are great role models & i love/trust them with my life

Spy being a dad [and some Scout being an older brother]

dad spy dad spy dad spy dad spy dad spy dad- ok that's enough. this might be a little bit ooc but who cares

When you first came to live at the base it was quite a shock. No one expected this 15 year old boy to be living with a bunch of mercenaries. When Spy first met you, his first instinct was to not to interact with you out of fear of getting attached. But after thinking about it for a while he realized that living with a bunch of mercenaries with little to no self preservation was a good idea. So as an attempt to make up for his bad dad job with Scout, he started acting more like a father. He is very surprised with how blunt you are about everything, it's quite startling how much older you act. Spy knows that it's just you being you so he doesn't You never join in the battle, no matter how much you protest. Scout does let you in on what happened during the battle. It's usually always exaggerated to make him look like this invincible warrior but you know he's bullshitting. Scout wants to give you tips on how to hold your own in a fight but he can't concentrate with your snarky comments. He just keeps laughing mid sentence. Knowing Spy, he's been watching from the background the whole time. He's so proud of you and Scout, he's glad that you two get along. If the enemy Spy gets into the base, Spy is right there beside you to make sure nothing bad ever happens. If something happened to you he would be devastated. So he's on high alert when it comes to you, he can't take any risks.

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #tf2 spy #tf2 scout #child reader #not tagging this as x reader

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

idk if requests are open, or if this even counts as a request or more of a prompt for u to ramble, but how do you think mozart and theodorus would react to an mc who used to be friendly towards them pulling away, and finding out somehow that it's because they were too hostile and mc gave up (in the context of them secretly liking mc and being tsundere jerks). tysm in advance!!

Requests are open! I talk about just about anything ikevamp related on this blog, so nws in regards to that~

I guess I took this as a prompt to ramble so hopefully you enjoy this meme energy 💛💛💛💛

And well, I'm a little conflicted about this one--largely because I see two possible (most likely) outcomes. I think it depends on their feelings for the MC in question, as I get the vibe that they are willing to make the effort if they deem it worthwhile in the long run (perhaps a bit callous, but hey, what can I say). If they feel they can't see eye to eye with the MC long term, then I doubt they would pursue the matter much further.

If there is enough grounding for them to want to salvage the relationship, I think they would both make some effort to make amends tbh. They may have trouble saying it directly, but I guess I see them as men of action--they'll adjust their behavior, and that speaks volumes. Maybe they hesitate before something harsher slips, changing the course of what they were going to say. Maybe they smooth over a mistake she makes before anyone can notice, saving her that social discomfort. Maybe they don't nitpick what she does anymore, just note adjustments neutrally (the tonal difference of "you clod, you're going to ruin it if you hold it that way" versus "try holding it like this, it's easier to carry and poses less risk of damage if you drop it"). I guess my impression is that they tend to be subtle when it comes to their emotional landscape; if you don't pay close attention, you could miss it.

But. BUT. If you point out any difference in their behavior. They will look away and scowl/blush which is frankly, beyond hilarious (but don't do it too much or they'll get mad, you gotta go for the spicy moments to expose them italian hand thing). I imagine that, whether they admit it or not, they do notice if you see past the surface and appreciate that you care they're trying. It helps them move from very acerbic to a more lowkey kind of pragmatism that's less biting. Tbh I'm just a shithead and would probably tease them to near death because I'm very familiar with that sort of behavior, but I also understand not everyone is comfortable with that ;;;

I think it’s less that they refuse to make amends for troublesome behavior, and more that they have a lot of paralyzing shame associated with honesty (and they don’t much like being vulnerable ;;;;). For Theodorus, I think he’s deeply traumatized by how hard his brother tries to be a good and fair person, only to remain ridiculed and ignored by the people around him at large. There’s a sense of a male culture dominated by the concept that gentleness is only an extension of weakness, and as such he feels the need to overcompensate to defend Vincent. The rough exterior serves both as an insistence that he is a grown man (parental infantilization) but also to demand people’s respect, ripping them to verbal shreds when he sees fit for survival.

Mozart’s is more obviously a defense mechanism; he rejects people and sees the worst in them before they can do that to him. I don’t think he’s as malicious by nature as he seems. I think it’s more that he’s accustomed to and self-imposes impossible standards of self-control. The emotional repression, terrible (also unpredictable) experiences at the hands of his father as a boy genius, and relentless inability to see his own value separated from his work ethic results in a man who is inevitably dissociated from his reality. He has no concept of worth beyond functionality, and no concept of worth beyond giving to a self-emptying extent. So much of his life is a kind of hyperanxious denial and paranoid shame, and it’s a pity considering his immense potential for warmth and love.

I suppose I get the inclination that they both really just need to be slapped upside the head a little ahlskfjdhsgsfdkhj. I'm not typically one that likes that method of getting through to people, but it's an unfortunate result of some forms of abuse. Sometimes people need very direct and very intense rearranging of their face holes to see the limited nature of their perspectives. Though I will say context matters: some people need very gentle, some people need more persistent measures.

(Please note: sometimes people do not want to change, and if they don’t want to, they won’t--that’s just a waste of time imo. No amount of arguing or altruism will get through in that scenario ;;;;;; but since this is an otome it’s easier to give the benefit of the doubt. Honestly I find myself torn a lot because I don't? Like giving up on people who struggle with things like that. But at the same time, I don't necessarily think it's worthwhile to beg for someone to be kinder/more aware when they have zero desire to.)

I can't really speak to Theodorus as much but I think somebody who is with him would have to be somebody who is less put off by his jagged edges ;;;;;;;; I don't think it's wrong to be sensitive to it, but the reality is that he has a hard time toning it down sometimes because of his habits. It's a part of being with him, though I think he softens considerably over time in a relationship. I see it is as a kind of balancing act. His s/o would have to be firm about the times he's well and truly unfair, goes too far with what he says/does. And his s/o would likely need to let go or just tease him about the more harmless nonsense, taking it in stride. It's about knowing when to throw a punch and when to breeze by (float like a butterfly, sting like a bee).

Mozart I'm ngl is just Pride and Prejudice material, Mr.Darcy ass. He literally just needs somebody who will read him for utter filth in the classiest way possible, until he has no choice but to strut on his walk of shame saying "you dropped this, queen 👑". I find it a little funny because as long as you roast him in a true way, half the time he isn’t even mad, just sheepish. I find him to be a unique case between the two of them because he's more guarded than reactive. As soon as he knows his s/o is willing to hear him out and talk to him if they have some kind of misunderstanding, he doesn't really go for the throat anymore. Just gets kind of 👉👈, needs some time to figure out how to broach the topic (or Jeanne slides in to mediate a little bit). His development is more of a slow upward track to more normal and very affectionate interaction.

Of the two, I think Mozart might be the best bet for the type of person you mentioned. He has a lot of capacity for responding with penitence when it's due, and acknowledging when he messes up. Theo needs a lot of control, and I think it's fair if some people can't handle the overbearing nature of it at points.

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp mozart #ikevamp theo #ikevamp theodorus #you know i think about this a lot only because #sometimes i don't really realize how intimidating they are to people??? i just see them as clowns HAHAHAHA #i feel for yall i mean its not really something everyone is comfortable with so **pats** #ideally they'll be understanding #worst case they'll just avoid and drown themselves in their work #can we get an F in the chat #i hope this was helpful/entertaining! <3333 #always welcome here lovely~ #and ill be getting to those theo requests today so theyll be up soon~ #i started binging a kdrama and there went my attention span for the week LMFAO #not incorrect quotes #rambles

[crimeronan]

Can you explain the appeal of Julian Blackthorn? This is a genuine question because I read the books and came away utterly bored by him and unconvinced of his moral greyness as opposed to like, Adam Parrish’s. He seemed so one dimensional to me but I want to know if I’m Wrong TM considering I tend to be very very biased toward my favourite characters and bored by the rest, and my favourites were Mark and Kieran. So maybe I just didn’t pay him enough attention??

it’s been a while since i wrote any earnest tsc meta but cringe culture is dead and the chance to infodump about my julian thoughts has me vibrating where i’m sitting so.  yes okay.

technical stuff

(aka: things pertaining to How The Story Is Constructed)

cassandra clare’s characterization has become much stronger just in general since she first began writing the series like twenty years ago

perhaps most importantly: the more recent stuff i’ve read from her has involved characters who actually grow, change, and learn from their past mistakes 

rather than repeating the same stupid decisions over and over again

and over and over and over some more

seriously take a shot every time someone in tmi miscommunicates or self-destructs in ways They Have Learned Not To Do for no real reason. u will die of alcohol poisoning

in tda this shines ESPECIALLY with the evolution of mark, kieran, and cristina’s relationship, but that’s a separate post

clare’s trademark is also the angsty traumatized jerkass love interest with a secret heart of gold

the woman is almost singlehandedly responsible for draco in leather pants and the proliferation of this kind of character type in fandom and teen lit. this isn’t a criticism it’s me marveling at how if you commit hard enough to a single trope you truly can change the world.  follow your dreams

sad jackass with a heart of gold isn’t an Inherently Problematic Character Type

but poorly done it can lead to relationship dynamics in which one partner is constantly being hurt by and then forgiving the other despite them making no real effort to change, because they are narratively absolved due to being sad

(there’s a lot of this with earlier jace content.  in some ways i think will was later created specifically to be a same-archetype protagonist who actually does get called on his shit and grow. that’s also another post)

also if all of your sexy male love interests are tortured jackasses with a heart of gold then people start calling you a one-trick pony

enter julian blackthorn!

from the very start everything about him is designed to be the INVERSE of the heart of gold jackass.  which immediately makes him interesting just from a meta perspective

(mark and kieran are also both alternate angles on this time-honored archetype.  mark gets the heart of gold and kieran gets the jackass and then they’re both much more deeply messy than that.  yet another post)

julian is kind, self-sacrificing, empathetic, artistic, emotionally supportive, responsible, and favored by old grannies everywhere

so a completely nonthreatening milquetoast guy, right

immediately forgettable if you’re only here for the dramatic conflicts and shithead antics of clare’s other protags

except that he is A Mess

and that he has structured his priorities very carefully, and they are as selfless as you expect from The Hero (TM) but they are also Not Heroic (TM) and they do not align with the moral framework The Hero (TM) is supposed to use

moral ambiguity in characters always exists in relation to their narratives imo. you mention adam parrish - trc’s narrative already mucks around in different ethical shades of gray, and adam falls on the canon scale about where julian does on his canon scale.  both more willing than the average pov character to do the ruthless thing or make the fucked-up choice if the ends justify the means; both with an intensely strong sense of internal priorities that they adhere to at all costs, both so unbelievably fucking down for murder; etc

i do think there are ways julian’s choices could have been pushed even further, but considering the number of readers who hate his guts already, i can see why clare opted not to go for the most controversial possible conflicts

so we’re flipping the narrative

instead of seeing this angsty bad boy and peeling back the layers of his trauma to find his heart of gold, we’re seeing the put-together selfless family man and peeling back the layers of his Responsibility Mask to expose the rotting husk underneath

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

THAT IS FUN AS FUCK

then when julian DOES lash out in hurtful, uncontrolled ways, he has significantly more narrative justification for it than most of clare’s protagonists (will elaborate in characterization thoughts)

julian is also interesting as fuck because of how his struggles allow for a more in-depth look at the failings of shadowhunter society, something that’s also sorely lacking in clare’s earlier work

his apparent amorality is simply the result of him making pragmatic and impossible choices because he has been faced with fucked-up ethical dilemmas since age 12 Because Society Has Failed Him

which opens the door for narrative exploration of how and why he’s been failed so badly & what needs to change

i also love that he has such a coldly calculated way of analyzing situations and allowing harm to occur when need be, bc a lot of clare’s early protagonists have such a bad case of Rush In And Get Myself Killed Because I’ve Got Feelings About Impulsive Heroism syndrome that i wanna push them in front of a truck

probably there’s other meta narrative stuff i could say but i’m stopping myself and moving on to character analysis

characterization stuff

(aka: reasons why i’m also attached to him in a vacuum)

i don’t read him as one-dimensional at all tbh

u may feel the narrative pushes “ruthless julian blackthorn” too much without delivering enough actual ruthless julian But i don’t think that’s the same as having only one dimension

from the get-go, the big question centered on julian is always “how far are you willing to go?” and the narrative pushes the stakes slowly higher and higher to continuously test julian’s “the price is always justified” mindset

he has a far more layered and realistic response to trauma than clare’s early protagonists - trauma affects every single aspect of his personality and how he conducts himself, and the effects vary depending on the circumstances

his conviction that he has to be the perfect parent to his siblings because they will fall apart if they see him show weakness??  rooted in how he feels like he’s fallen apart since losing the stable adult support he once relied upon

his willingness to hurt semi-innocent people, commit coldblooded murder, manipulate people using political leverage, allow harm to befall any stranger if it protects his family??  rooted in how he has already had to ask himself how much he’s willing to sacrifice, and how his family is his only source of stability when the world has never done Shit for him

his conviction that he has a darker heart than anyone else because he killed his possessed father, even though intellectually he knows he was saving his brother’s life??  rooted in having no means of processing this trauma and being unable to voice his feelings for fear of backlash from a deeply non-understanding society

the way he represses every single negative emotion he ever has, to the point where emma - his actual literal magic soulmate who can feel his emotions - is startled to find him hurting or angry??  once again all about how he has to be the perfect father or he’s failed completely

the way his anger is so totally disproportionate to different situations and the way his negative emotions can only come out in completely uncontrolled breaks??  all that repression baybey.  this kid has not processed a single bad feeling in five years.  every single real grievance and petty annoyance has been festering indefinitely inside him like a slowly spreading infection

julian’s arc involves him needing to get thru being his worst self to actually start to heal

as in, he has to actually learn to acknowledge his feelings, take care of himself, lean on his family, and let other people take some responsibility

he also has to learn that in his quest to be the perfect emotionally controlled authority figure, he has not actually learned how to control or deal with his emotions. like. At Fucking All. good god

the narrative setup is also about asking “how far are you willing to go?” until the answer is finally “not this far.  not this far”

and once he reaches that point, he has to reevaluate everything about how he weighs his priorities and morals and plans, etc

(i also like that emma has a perpendicular arc in which she’s always the one tempering julian and telling him “no we can’t go that far” until she’s willing to do something horrific that he absolutely won’t and HE has to stop HER. very sexy)

it’s also just really nice to have a character who’s learned to relate so well to literally every single member of his family while still having a very detached ruthless interior consciousness. i have similar feelings about how adam teaches himself to love people, but with julian it’s spelled out more explicitly in canon & it’s a more central character theme

i’m sure i’m also forgetting stuff here but this post is long enough so i’m gonna say good enough

and like i said in the tags on my other post, there are things i’d personally write differently if it were my story - plot points i’d shift, character contrasts i’d up, themes i’d explore differently, pacing i’d adjust, etc.  i have plenty of ways i could be nitpicky and editorial about the effectiveness of julian’s arc.  but i also don’t feel like writing them out at the moment & none of my critiques on effectiveness have an impact on the core appeal of his character 2 me.  he’s so fucking good

#replies #tsc #tda #julian blackthorn #meta #long post #ungodly long post. #shadowhunters #Anonymous

[piningeddiediaz]

I personally think Pynch anniversary is November 2nd because 1st is ronans bday and idk they kissed and all and probably talked through the night and i think it makes sense that the anniversary would be November 2 but thats just me. They’re basically together now for 1 yr and idk 1-2 months. Since they got together 1 yr before adam left and now it’s November/December again.

I have a question btw. Why do you think so many people seem to dislike Adam and/or Declan? I mostly am following pynch / Adam blogs but i see a lot of negativity too and idgi.

I personally like gansey and blue for example even tho they’re not perfect but actually no character is, not even adam even tho i love him dearly. But so much of the stoey happens bc of adam and idk…

Also I hate kavinsky apologists or people who say ronan had a crush on him wtf 😳 like. No. Kavinsky was disgusting and yeah maybe lost too but an asshole nonetheless. Ronan was already riding his crush on adam wave and he def wasnt interested in kavinsky except for the racing and dreaming convos ?! Sorry brain dump

yeah, I suppose that makes sense. depends on when you define their anniversary ig? is it an anniversary when you first kiss? when you admit feelings? when you officially declare you are together? I sure as fuck wouldn't know!

and oh boy, I have thought about why people hate Adam a lot and I think Adam perfectly described why in trb - "rags to riches isn't a story anyone wants to hear until after its done." I can't speak for everyone, but it wasn't until end of trb/start of dream thieves that I started to like Adam. I liked gansey immediately, but barely skimmed over adam's chapters until we got to his "what do you want, Adam? to feel awake when my eyes are open" because suddenly I could understand with vivid clarity why I was so eager to not pay attention to Adam - it's because he is real. gansey, at least at the start, was not. he was from the get go established to be the typical male lead. handsome, popular, rich. he's privileged but tries to be humble (even when he fails at it), he tries to be a good friend (even tho sometimes he fails at it). gansey was presented to be the kind of protagonist we are all familiar with. we've seen him in nearly every piece of literature. but Adam? Adam is real. Adam is like the average person. he doesnt get to hope for a future, he has to make one. he understands this fact, perhaps more and way earlier than any other person might, and he wont let anything stand in the way. in trb it made him appear to be cruel, because when people read books about friendship they want it to be all or nothing. you would give up your life for your friend. you would give up everything for them. and so the audience, who are already naturally inclined to immediately go towards gansey, are frustrated at Adam because he's your friend! he just wants to help you! it's not until adam's arc ends that people really understand where Adam comes from, why adam does this. you cant give something to someone who has always had nothing and expect them to not think it doesnt come with strings attached. in the real world, it always does. and I think that is why adam's character arc hits all the more. I thought he was an interesting character from the start, but it wasn't until dream thieves, it wasn't until Adam had really really started his character development, that I finally understood. to me, personally, thinking too hard on adam's character was uncomfortable because then I would have to face the reality of life. liking gansey was safer, because he is the prince. the hero. the one you know is going to make it out in the end. the one you're supposed to like. but then Adam, who was supposed to be the side character in gansey's story, makes his own. he becomes the protagonist, takes charge of the story and the narrative - he doesnt just get the title of protagonist, he specifically makes it for himself. and honestly, I dont think adam's absolutely amazing spectacular character development hits as well if you didnt dislike him at the start because, Maggie makes sure you inevitably have an 'oh' moment where you realise that its been about adam parrish all along. its one of the main reasons why I will undoubtedly say Maggie Stiefvater is my favourite author - she is so good at manipulating her readers!

the same goes for declan, I think. we're not supposed to like him, because aside from that one pov he has, we only see him from the perspective of people who don't like him. I personally liked Declan right from the start, but I am in the minority because I know what its like to have to parent your shithead brother because your parents wont. but we were intended to not like declan until we finally saw his story from his pov in the dreamer trilogy. again, expert storytelling by mstief.

(tho if you still dont like declan and adam idk what to tell y'all. maybe reread the book with critical thinking skills?)

and yeah, I have to agree with you there. I have a lot of problems with a lot of things gansey and blue - especially gansey - do (more or less all of dream thieves??? I dont think I will ever forgive gansey for the car convo) but I cant say that makes me hate them exactly, because they are very complex characters.

and yeah dont even get me started on kavinsky. tbh I have his tag blocked and dont ever interact with any k posts. he was gross and disgusting and im glad he died.

#asks #anon #pynch #adam parrish #ronan lynch #declan lynch #gansey #trc #anti kavinsky

[haokyeom]

new dream | chwe vernon hansol

ミ★ synopsis: your dream is to get into SNU and leave your town, get a fresh start. that is, until you meet vernon. the one who helps you experience the feeling of being free for the first time.

ミ★ genre: sin of sloth!vernon, highschool!au, angst, fluff, some crack

ミ★ warnings: a couple slaps kapOW

ミ★ word count: 6,352

ミ★ pairings: vernon x female reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys it’s lila, aka @viastro​ ! this was kinda rushed because i’ve been going through it, but i hope you guys still like it <3 vernon is the sin of sloth for the collab :o make sure to give vernon lots of love !!

ミ★ previous | masterlist | next

In life, you have to work hard. As someone who’s been on the Dean’s honor roll since you were in your freshman year, you would know. You’ve been working hard on your grades for as long as you can remember. You wanna get out of Daegu, you want to go to Seoul. 

The main reason for you wanting to leave the place you were raised? 

To get away from your aunt and cousin, who took you in when your parents passed. However, they’ve done nothing for you except let you under their roof. You practically raised yourself from the moment you could start doing addition and subtraction. 

It doesn’t help that your cousin, Yeona, is an absolute shithead. 

So here you are, walking back to your house from the after cram school to make sure you pass the exam to get into SNU, Seoul National University. It’s 8 PM and you’re wondering if you should go and get fast food before going to your shift at the convenience store your aunt owns. 

Your schedule is basically wake up, go to school, attend classes at the cram school after school ends, go to work at the kbbq restaurant for a few hours, then work at the convenience store. There’s no time for fun or meeting your friends, not that you have many. You dedicate most of your time into making sure that you have enough money to financially support yourself once you finally leave Daegu, and that’s all that matters to you. 

“Maybe I’ll get fries.” You mumble to yourself once you notice the grumble of your stomach. You walk down the street to head towards McDonald’s, only to freeze when you hear the sound of guys yelling. Raising an eyebrow, hand sneaking into your pocket to grab the pepper spray you keep, before continuing your route to the fast food place. 

“You’re not gonna do anything? You’re just gonna let us beat the shit out of you?” You frown at the sentence, wondering why the person won’t fight back. You twist off the cap when you look down the alleyway to your left and see a group of guys surrounding one man laying on his side. 

“What a bitch-”

“Hey!” You shout out without thinking, and all the guys turn to glance at you. You’re standing at the entrance of the alleyway, pepper spray in hand as you quietly think to yourself that maybe, just maybe, you should’ve closed your eyes and pretended nothing was happening. 

it sucks being a person with morals.

“What are you doing here, little girl? This business doesn’t involve you.” You glare at the man who assumed you were a child when you’re now an adult. You glance down at the guy on the ground, only to raise an eyebrow when you realize he has on your school’s male uniform. “What are you guys doing beating up a student? You’re all like… thirty.”

One of the guys growls and moves to go and get you, only to be held back by the first man who spoke to you. He shoots a glare at you, “Go. I won’t ask twice.” 

You let out a sigh, before walking up closer to the three men. It’s when you stand before them that the guy your age lets out a groan, sitting up from laying on the ground. He turns around to glance at you, and your eyes widen slightly when you immediately recognize him.

Chwe Vernon Hansol, the guy at your school who puts no effort into things. However, he’s second best to you. He’s one of the naturally gifted students. 

you despise him for that.

“Get the fuck down, bitch.” The guy tells Vernon, and the blonde lets out a tired sigh. You question whether you actually heard him mutter, “I told you, you’re literally beating up the wrong guy.” 

“The fuck did you just-” Without thinking, you reach out and pepper spray all three of the guys before they can make another move on Vernon. They begin screeching, and Vernon’s eyes widen, immediately standing up and grabbing your hand. The two of you make a run for it with Vernon pulling you as you hear the men roar out in pain from behind you.

The rush you feel is exhilarating. Your heart is beating wildly against your chest, your hair being blown past you by the breeze as you run. You feel free as you run with Vernon, his hand tightly holding yours until you both feel that you’re far enough. 

You double over, hands on your knees as you try and catch your breath. Vernon runs a hand through his hair, hand clutching his stomach as he feels a cramp coming on. After a moment of you two just heavily breathing, you stand up straight and look directly at the blonde. 

His uniform is dirty with footprints and some blood, his tie now hanging loosely around his neck. He runs a hand through his messy hair, before turning and glancing at you. A flicker of recognition flashes past his eyes, and he tilts his head at you, “You’re yn.” 

Your eyes widen slightly at the fact that he knows your name, and Vernon takes notice of this, letting out a chuckle. He stands up straight, stretching out his back, wincing slightly at the pain from what will most likely be bruises the next day. He turns to you once he’s done and says, “You’re at the top of the Dean’s honor roll, of course I know who you are.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, words not seeming to form proper sentences as you try to come up with a response. Vernon lets out a sigh after a moment, before turning and giving you a close-lipped smile. “Thanks for saving me back there.” 

You raise an eyebrow, “I couldn’t just let you get beaten up, but I’m curious.” Vernon tilts his head to the side, and you purse your lips at the memory of him just letting himself get kicked everywhere. “Why didn’t you try and stop them? You were just laying there.” 

Vernon smiles at you, and you find that he has a rather nice smile. You almost protest when it goes away once he shrugs his shoulders, “I was lazy.”

Your eyes widen in confusion, making you momentarily forget about his nice smile. Vernon laughs at your reaction, before turning and beginning to walk away. He only stops once he’s a few feet away, turning back and waving at you with a devilish grin on his face. 

“See you at school tomorrow!” 

You continue to stand there for a moment, wondering why the hell he let himself get beat up simply because he was lazy. Letting out a sigh, you realize there’s no reason for you to continue to think about Vernon. You have a shift to get to.

And with that, you walk towards the convenience store, stomach grumbling slightly at the fact that you were unable to get any McDonald’s. However, you still find yourself thinking of Vernon, that feeling you got when he was pulling you through the streets. 

It lingers hours later as you eat the stale kimbap while you stay behind the register. 

“Yn, can you go and get the printed papers from the staff room?” You glance up from your desk to see your teacher staring at you, and you give her a nod, standing up and walking out of the room. Once you’re closer to the staff room, you raise an eyebrow when you hear the familiar voice. 

“I’m doing well in the subjects, why did I get called in?”

“Vernon, you’re a naturally gifted student. However, you have to stop sleeping during my classes.” 

You chuckle quietly, knowing that the blonde enjoys sleeping during classes. You never had an idea as to why he takes naps while the teacher is in the middle of lecture, but after last night, you have a vague idea as to why he’s always tired. 

You try to quietly slide open the door, only to cringe when the loud squeak resonates through the room. Vernon glances up at the noise, and finds you cursing the door for ratting you out. The corner of his lips tilts up in a smile, before he turns back towards his teacher. 

“I’ll try my best.” Vernon says, and his teacher nods her head. She motions with her hand that he’s free to go, and Vernon makes sure to walk past you at the printers as he does so. You turn your head when you see Vernon walking up to you, and you catch a glimpse of his smile. 

“Hey, yn.” Vernon greets before walking out of the staff room. You stare at the printer with wide eyes, questioning why heat is rushing to your face simply from his smile. Quickly grabbing the papers needed for your class, you leave the staff room.

“You look nice toda-” You screech at the sudden voice beside you, almost dropping the papers, but clutching them close to your chest instead. You’d rather sacrifice yourself than pick up at least 50 papers off the floor. Vernon stands beside you, trying to hold back his laugh at your reaction, and the blush rises to your cheeks again. Except this time, it’s due to humiliation. 

“Please ignore that ever happening.” Vernon shakes his head with a smile, running a hand through his blonde hair as he chuckles. 

“It was really funny, so I don’t think I will.” He tells you, and you squint at him, before turning and continuing to walk down the hallway towards your classroom. You hear Vernon’s footsteps following behind you, causing you to frown. You stop walking, and turn back around to see Vernon standing there, hands in his pockets. “Why are you following me?” 

“Because I think you’d be interesting to hangout with.” Your eyes practically bulge out of their sockets, and Vernon finds himself having to hold back another laugh. You point towards yourself in confusion, and the blonde nods with an amused grin on his face. “Why would I do that? No, let me rephrase. Why would you want that?” 

Vernon just shrugs his shoulders, leaning against the wall as he looks you up and down. You try to hold back the heat from rushing to your face again at the way his eyes rake your body, feeling slightly self conscious of the fact that your uniform is no longer as put together as it was this morning. You freeze once Vernon’s eyes lock with yours again, and he smiles. “Cause all you do is school shit, seems boring.” 

You immediately squint at the blonde, no longer interested in what more he has to say as you decide to walk past him and into your classroom without another word. Leaving Vernon alone in the hallway, somehow more intrigued by you than he was previously. 

“Just get me an iced americano before you get back!” Before you can respond, Yeona hangs up the phone, and you curse to yourself. Now annoyed and hungry, you step out of the cram school and begin walking towards the coffee shop. 

“What am I? Cinderella? I fucking hate it here. She has legs, she has money, why can’t she just get her own coffee? We literally live right on top of a convenience store. We have instant coffee at ho-” You’re cut off when you accidentally walk right into someone, and their hands grasp your arms to make sure you don’t fall backwards. You immediately begin to mutter out a bunch of apologies, looking up to only lock eyes with those familiar caramel colored eyes. 

shit. 

Vernon lets out a small smile, tilting his head to the side as he watches your eyes slowly turn into slits as you stare at him. “Well, I thought you didn’t wanna hangout with me?” 

Scoffing, you push him away, and you hear him chuckle at your reaction. You brush away any dust on your uniform before crossing your arms and glaring at the blonde. “I don’t.”

“Then maybe fate has other plans, considering the fact that this is the third time we’ve met coincidentally.” Vernon tells you cheekily, and you roll your eyes. “That or you’re stalking me.” 

Now it’s Vernon’s turn to scoff at you, and you bite back a smile. Letting out a sigh, you step past him so that you can go and get Yeona’s coffee, only to realize he’s now walking right beside you. You turn and glance at him, just to find him looking up at the stars in the sky. 

“You seemed pretty mad when you bumped into me. It was like a whole scene from those movies where the antagonist realizes they’re going to be evil. From the furrow to your brow, to the whole monologue you did. I’m glad I stopped that character arch.” Vernon says and you let out a laugh, shaking your head when you realize how what he said was true. The blonde smiles at the sound, feeling a sense of accomplishment. 

“My cousin, Yeona, she’s in your class. She was really pissed off and told me to buy her coffee right as I got out of my cram school classes. I didn’t get the chance to tell her no cause she hung up on me.” You explain, only to immediately regret it a second later because why did you open up to Vernon? Why did you just negatively talk about your cousin when you know she’s well liked in school. You open your mouth to say you were joking, only for the words to die in your throat when you see Vernon nodding his head in agreement. 

“That’s ass. She shouldn’t be acting like it’s your job to buy her coffee when she’s asking you to do something for her.” Vernon says, turning to glance at you. He notices the way your eyes shine brightly back at him, and he looks away when he realizes that you’re rather pretty. You bite your bottom lip, staring down at the pavement as the two of you walk side-by-side. 

No one’s ever agreed with you when it came to matters such as these, let alone take your side. You’ve lived most of your life under the impression that your cousin is, and always will be, superior to you. Yet Vernon didn’t care, he immediately tried to sympathize with you. 

maybe he’s not that bad, you find yourself thinking as the two of you walk in silence. It’s when you both stop in front of the café that you finally speak up, “I’m going to go and buy the americano, thanks for walking me.” 

Vernon nods his head, giving you a small smile. “Anytime.” 

The two of you stand in an awkward silence for a moment, and you question how the silence when you were both walking together was comfortable. You purse your lips and give Vernon a wave of your hand, before turning to walk inside the cafe. Your hand rests on the doorknob, and you bite your lip, before glancing back at the blonde, “Vernon?”

The blonde looks up at you, and he tilts his head to the side. “Yeah, yn?” 

“You’re not so bad.” You say, flashing him a smile before stepping into the cafe. Vernon grins after a moment and walks off, staring up at the night sky.

“Yeona! You look so pretty today. Did you dress up to get Vernon to notice you?” You hear Yeona’s friend ask beside you as you get your portions for lunch. You just continue on with getting your food, turning away to go and sit down without hearing the rest of their conversation. 

You move to sit down at one of the empty tables, only to pause when you hear Vernon call out your name. Cursing to yourself, you glance up and see him walking over to you with a happy smile on his face. You know for a fact that Yeona and her friends must have heard Vernon call you, so you’re internally shitting your pants at what she might say. 

“I thought I told you to act like you don’t know me at school.” You whine when Vernon now stands in front of you, and he just chuckles at your childish behavior. He reaches out and grasps your wrist, and you raise an eyebrow at the blonde. “I wanted to show you something.” 

“Since when were you the one wanting to do stuff? I always have to plan our hangouts.”

“Whatever.” Vernon responds with a grin, and you sigh.

“If it doesn’t make me shit myself, then you owe me tea.” You tell Vernon, and he smiles before pulling you out of the cafeteria. Completely ignoring the glances and whispers the two of you receive. 

It’s been about a month since you and Vernon had that moment in front of the coffee shop, and the two of you began hanging out after classes were over. Whether it be him just walking with you to the cram school, him walking you home after cram school, or him bothering you during your shift at the kbbq restaurant. The two of you are usually together.

Recently you’ve even been skipping cram school classes to go and hangout with Vernon, as you’ve come to realize you rather enjoy his presence. However, even though you guys are close outside of school. Within school grounds you two only spared glances at each other because you knew your cousin would go feral if she found out the two of you were on speaking terms. 

You already knew that you were dead when you turned around and saw your cousin staring at you and Vernon’s connected hands as you left the cafeteria.

“Your mind’s about to be blown.” Vernon tells you as he takes you up the stairs, and you squint at the male.

“If it doesn’t I swear to God I will call upon thousands of demons-” The threat dies off in your throat once the two of you push through the doors and you find yourself staring out at a beautiful view of the city. You walk over to the ledge, resting your hands on the railing as you take in a deep breath of the fresh air. 

Vernon grins, walking up beside you and letting out a happy sigh at the silence. He knows that you won’t be calling upon thousands of demons, or else he would’ve heard it as soon as he opened the doors and you weren’t impressed. However, you’re quiet right now, just staring out at the view. 

“So you won’t be making that curse?” Vernon asks, turning to glance at you with a cocky expression on his face. His jaw falls slack slightly when you turn to and face him with the brightest smile he’s ever seen on you. 

“It’s beautiful. Thank you, Vernon.” You tell the blonde, basking in the moment of peace settling the turmoil that runs within you. You turn back towards the view, letting out a happy sigh at the view.

All while Vernon just stares at you for a moment longer, wondering how his heart got the ability to beat so fast at the sight of your smile. 

“Mmm… I don’t know Vernon. The college entrance exams are in a few weeks. I’ve been skipping my classes too often recently.” You tell him as the two of you walk towards the cram school, and Vernon lets out a yawn. He shrugs his shoulders, holding up the bag of box dye that he bought and swinging it in your face. “You’re the one who told me I’d look nice with black hair. I got the hair dye, all I need is you to color my hair.”

You squint at him, “Why can’t you dye it yourself? You have two working arms.”

Vernon yawns, turning to glance up at the sky, “Too much work. Besides, this was your idea.”

You let out a sigh, seeing that the cram school is about a block away now. You look at Vernon, seeing him walking with a calm expression on his face as he awaits your response. The sound of the plastic bag rustling against his legs gaining your attention, as you glance down and see the box of black hair dye through the thin plastic.

You quietly wonder to yourself why Vernon decided to take your word for it and dye his hair black. You just said it randomly a couple weeks ago as he was following you around the kbbq restaurant while you cleaned up the tables. 

“Why did you even come with me to work? You already know I’m not going to give you any leftover meat.” You tell the blonde as you pick up any trash that was left behind on the countertops. Vernon rolls his eyes at the table beside you, taking a sip of water that your boss gave him. 

She strongly believed that the number of customers increases when Vernon accompanies you to work because of how handsome he is. You didn’t believe it at first, but as you take a quick look around, you soon come to realize that a lot of the customers who are eating are all just staring at Vernon.

“Pretty privilege sucks.” You mumble quietly as you place the dirty plates and chopsticks into the bucket. You turn your head to glance at Vernon, finding him quietly scrolling through his phone. His blonde hair is over his forehead today, hiding his strong eyebrows from view. You tilt your head to the side, and Vernon glances up at you when he feels your gaze. “What?” 

You shrug, turning back towards the tables to continue cleaning as you mutter, “I think you’d look good with black hair.” 

Vernon types up whether it’s better to dye his hair black at home or at a salon when you move to clean the next table.

“Alright, I’ll dye your hair this time. This is the last time I’m skipping my cram school classes though, I have to focus for the college entrance exams.” You tell Vernon with a serious tone, and the blonde nods his head. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go back to my place.” 

The two of you turn and begin walking in the opposite direction, and the corner of your lips tilt upwards at the thought of teasing the blonde. So you turn your head and ask, “Do you live like a slob?”

“No.”

“I feel like that’s a lie.”

“Damn, it wasn’t a lie.” You mutter as you slide into the pair of slippers Vernon handed you. He scoffs, walking into the bathroom to prepare the towels without a response. You giggle, knowing that’s all the answer you’re going to get on that topic. 

“So you live alone? Already?” You ask as you walk into the bathroom. Vernon nods his head, handing you the gloves that come with the boxed hair dye. “Yeah, I like being alone.”

You frown, turning to glance at him as you put on the gloves. “You and I hangout almost everyday though.” 

Vernon doesn’t respond to that, instead handing you the already mixed hair dye. You raise an eyebrow, and he just grabs his phone to scroll through, causing you to squint at him. Before you open your mouth to scold him he turns and says, “You’re the one who said I’d look nice with black hair.” 

“You’re the one who bought the hair dye!” You exclaim as you dip the brush into the bowl. Vernon grins at the raise of your voice, knowing that he pushed your buttons. He places the towel over his shoulders when you begin to brush the hair dye onto his blonde locks. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll buy us chicken afterwards, so don’t worry.” 

You purse your lips at the mention of fried chicken, deciding to forgive Vernon as you continue to dye his hair. Vernon glances up at you in the mirror and smiles at your pursed lips. You feel his eyes on you, and let out a small grin. The two of you begin to converse, telling each other about each other’s day when suddenly a random question pops up into your head as you use the last of the black hair dye.

“Are we friends, Vernon?” You ask quietly, and Vernon pauses, looking up at you in the mirror. You stare at his hair as you brush the dye onto it, refusing to make eye contact as heat rushes up to your cheeks. 

Vernon doesn’t have many friends. Keeping up relationships takes time and effort, if there’s an imbalance, then it becomes hard. Vernon doesn’t have many friends because of this quality of being the Sin of Sloth, but he doesn’t mind being alone. 

However, he’s grown to enjoy your presence. You’re not demanding or needy, and the two of you only see each other after school. Vernon’s eyes flash red in the mirror when he sees the blush on your cheeks and how shy you’re acting, so he glances down at his phone, now having an answer to your question.

“Yeah, we’re friends.” You bite back a smile at his response, nodding your head. 

“I don’t have many friends.” You mutter quietly, and Vernon looks up at you in the mirror as you walk over to the trash can and throw away the now empty bowl that once held the hair dye. He lets out a breath, 

“Well, now you have one.”

“And then we divide by…” You mutter the steps to the equation as you do extra practice problems at your desk in your room. The college entrance exam is in a week, and you’ve been trying not to slack off as much as you’ve been doing in the past month and a half. 

You set ground rules with Vernon, telling him that this week that you’re going to dedicate all your time into attending the classes and studying after school. The black haired beauty didn’t put up a fight with your decision, just nodding his head and drinking his coffee aimlessly afterwards.

You purse your lips when you mess up the equation, reaching over towards your pencil pouch to grab your eraser, only to jump in your seat when your bedroom door slams open. You turn your head to see Yeona standing there, staring at you with the fiercest death glare she can muster. You let out a breath, “What is it?”

“Have you and Vernon been hanging out after school?” She asks, and you shrug. 

“We just walk together.” 

Yeona squints, stepping forward when you open your mouth to explain that you’re not interested in Vernon, only to be cut off when you receive a harsh slap to the face. You stare at your paper, the sting on your cheek only registering when you slowly turn your head to look at your cousin. 

“What the fuck was that for?!” You shout, standing up from your seat to face her head on. She scoffs, running a hand through her hair and pointing directly at your chest. 

“You know exactly what I meant when I asked if the two of you have been hanging out. You know that I like Vernon!” 

“I’m not stealing him from yo-” Yeona raises her hand up to slap you in the face again but you grasp her wrist, effectively stopping her from dealing another blow to your cheek. She lets out a scream, and your eyes widen. 

“Why the fuck are you screaming! You’re the one who came into my room and fucking slapped me!” You shout as you let go of her wrist, taking a step back from her so that she won’t try and hit you again. 

“What is all this noise?” You and Yeona both glance towards your door, finding your aunt standing in the doorway glaring at you. You feel your heart sink into your stomach when Yeona begins to cry, showing her mom her wrist and claiming that you hurt her. 

“Auntie, that’s not what happened at all-”

“I take you into my home and let you go to school. I gave you the food and clothes on your back, and yet you give my daughter and I an attitude like this?” You stare for a moment, feeling tears rush to your eyes, knowing that it’s not true. All they’ve done is treat you as some house maid, the only thing they’ve done is let you go to school and stay at their home. 

“I didn’t do anything wrong Auntie, can’t you see from the obvious red mark on my cheek that Yeona sl-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence if you still want a place to stay.” Your aunt threatens, and your eyes trail over to Yeona’s, to find her smiling at you. 

Biting your lip, you turn away, grabbing your phone from the top of the desk and pushing past them as the tears fall past your eyes. Ignoring your aunt’s shouts, you slip on your sneakers and run out of the house, wiping your eyes as you do so. 

You run as far as you can, ignoring the burning within your chest at your lungs desperate attempts to tell you to take a break. You run, and you run, and you run as the tears fall past your eyes. It’s only when you slam into someone and fall backwards that you stop. 

Vernon’s ready to mutter a complaint towards the person who bumped into him, only to pause when he sees you with your head in your hands, shoulders shaking as you cry. He crawls over to you and rests a hand on your shoulder, “Yn, what’s wrong?” 

You glance up at the familiar voice, finding Vernon staring at you in concern. A sob escapes you, and you cover your mouth to try and silence it. Vernon immediately pulls your head into his chest, wrapping his arms around you as you cry. Those walking by glance at the two of you in concern, but the both of you pay no attention to it. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Vernon asks quietly, running a hand through your hair to try and calm you down. You close your eyes as your breathing slowly goes back to normal, shaking your head in his chest. You wrap your arms around his middle, silent tears continuing to fall. 

“Let’s just stay like this for a few more minutes, please.” You request in a small voice, and Vernon nods his head without a second thought. 

“Yeah, of course.” He mutters, feeling his heartbeat against his chest as he holds you.

Vernon wonders why his heart is hurting at your sadness, and when he came to care. 

You stare at the screen of your laptop, your heart going feral within your chest as you wonder whether or not you should check if you got into SNU. You took the college entrance exam a few months before, and the results of whether you got in or not all depends on you logging in. If you don’t check, then you’ll have a stroke. If you do check, you’ll have a stroke. 

You rest your head in your hands with a low groan, “I’m gonna have a stroke either way.” 

You recall Vernon’s words, telling you that you should’ve passed based on the fact that you didn’t have any friends before because of how much you studied. To which you called him a bitch and proceeded to put him in a chokehold. 

“I can do this.” You mumble, now more motivated as you type in your login. You press enter without a second thought, and stare at your screen as your results now look directly back at you. 

REJECTED. 

Your eyes trail over the word, and your whole world comes crashing down at that one word. You fall out of your chair, hand over your chest as your heart beats wildly against it. 

“No. No, no, no. I have to go, I have to have gotten in.” You mutter to yourself as you stare at the screen, your hopes of being able to leave this hell hole sooner now being pushed back. However, you don’t know if you can stay at this house any longer. 

Your phone vibrates beside you on the floor, and you glance down to see Vernon’s name on the screen as he calls you. You reach out and grab it, slowly raising it to your ear. “Yn, did you get in?” 

“Can we meet?” You ask quietly, and Vernon’s smile slowly drops from his face at the tone of your voice. He nods his head even though you’re unable to see, “Yeah, yeah of course.” 

“You didn’t get in?” Vernon asks, and you nod your head, staring down at your hands as he looks at you with concern in his eyes. You bite your lip in an attempt to stop the tears from flowing, and Vernon reaches out and rests his hand over yours. 

“It’s okay, yn. You can just take it again, and then-”

“But I have to leave now. I can’t take it there anymore, Vernon. It’s just been worse since I ran out of the house a few months ago.” You explain, looking up at your friend with tired eyes. 

Vernon’s used to seeing your eyes being bright, sometimes even sparkling when you laugh at something he said. So seeing the dark bags under your eyes and the dullness to them is a shock, making him wonder how tired you must be.

“It’s the only option right now, but you can do it. You just have to push through for a little bit longer.” Vernon tells you, and you bite the inside of your cheek, looking back down at the cement as the feeling of defeat continues to linger in your chest. You shake your head, “I shouldn’t have skipped those extra classes.” 

“Yn…”

“I shouldn’t have skipped them! If I continued with my plan then I would’ve gotten in, and then I would’ve been able to leave this fucking shit town!” You exclaim, tears now falling past your eyes as you turn your head to look at Vernon. He just stares down at his hands in silence as you continue to cry, and you wonder why you let yourself slack off on your studies because of him. 

“Why did I stop trying as hard for my dream because of you? Because of this feeling you gave me?” You ask quietly, letting out a sad smile. While Vernon comes to a standstill at your words. He turns his head to look at you, and you wipe away your tears before turning to stare directly into his eyes. 

“What?” 

“It’s because of you. Whenever I’m with you, I feel this… this sense of comfort. I feel the weight get lifted off my shoulders, like I don’t have any worries anymore. I would forget about my dreams of leaving this place when I was with you, because it felt like I was already home.” You confess, and Vernon stays silent. You bite the inside of your cheek, turning away after a moment, letting out a small chuckle at how ridiculous you’re being.

“Do you… have feelings for me?” Vernon asks, and you let out a breath, shrugging your shoulders. 

“Yeah, I think I do. Considering that I skipped cram classes at the cram school for you.” Vernon looks away, standing up from the bench, and you glance up at him. He stares at you with a blank expression on his face, and you raise an eyebrow. 

“I… I don’t do that stuff, yn.” Vernon tells you, and you feel your heart sink slightly in your chest. You cough into your shoulder, thinking of how to respond when Vernon continues. 

“I don’t even know why I became friends with you. I don’t do relationships at all, but you weren’t that hard to deal with.” You stare at Vernon with a painstricken expression on your face at his harsh words, but he just continues. “If I had known that you were going to fall for me, then I wouldn’t have even-”

You stand up and slap Vernon across the face, and the silence afterwards seems to engulf the both of you. He slowly turns his head and looks at you, seeing the tears falling from your eyes as you harshly bite the inside of your cheek. 

“How… how dare you?” Vernon just stares as you begin to cry harder, reaching up and slamming your fists against his chest. He stays still, not moving as your cries turn into sobs as you hit him. “Y-you ruined everything for me, and you tell me that I wasn’t that hard to deal with?”

After a moment you stop, covering your face with your hands to try and calm down. You’ve decided that today is quite possibly one of the worst days of your life, and you want nothing more than to turn and run from all your problems. So you look back up at Vernon after a moment, and you see his eyes void of any emotion as he stares back at you.

“Don’t ever speak to me again. Don’t you ever try to talk to me, got it?” You state as you poke his chest directly over his heart, and he still stares at you silently, making the pain in your heart grow.

“I can’t believe I thought you could be my new dream.” You mutter quietly. You bite the inside of your cheek, before turning around and walking away from Vernon without another word. 

He watches as you grow smaller and smaller as the distance grows between the two of you, until you’re out of sight. He’s used to being alone, he doesn’t do friendships or relationships because of the effort you have to put in. However, a single tear falls from Vernon’s left eye as he glances down at the pavement, only having one question in mind as he does so. 

why does it hurt to be alone now?

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[noonmutter]

Father’s Day is a wierd day for me.

When I say I actually do have daddy issues, I mean it. Seeing good or dedicated fathers in videos or in writing tends to destroy me (Coco was brutal the first time I saw it). The “yes daddy” and “fuck me daddy” shit that the internet decided to latch the fuck onto in the last few years disturbs the crap out of me. Most of the time I can just ignore it and move along, but not always. God I hope that trend goes away sometime soon, I’m so tired of dodging it.

People who know me know that my dad, to put it mildly, sucks. He is an objectively terrible human being, but I’m not going to go into it in this post because hey guess what nobody signed up for today: that. Suffice to say that if I learned tomorrow that somebody had broken his kneecaps and left him for dead in a ditch I’d be okay with it. Also completely unsurprised. But he did kinda ruin the word ‘dad’ for me; it’s not a word I think of with feelings of affection or even the concept of parenting attached. Intellectually I know that “dad” is a generally affectionate term for the male parent and that’s all it is; instinctually I know it as the word for That Fucking Guy and that’s all it is. First time I met the man, he was called ‘dad,’ and I know his actual name, but in my head he’s automatically ‘dad.’

My stepdad, on the other hand, is an awesome person. He’s been protective of me and considered me family for a long time, longer than I’ve been reciprocating it because, y’know. Me and male parental units. Not a great history, with all of one before him. Mom had had boyfriends, none of whom were bad or anything, but they just came and went and they weren’t really much of anybody in my life. Guy took me to the lake to mess around on his boat many times, nearly kicked the shit out of a jetskiier who ignored low-wake rules and almost ran me and my brother down. He’s the one who helped me with my first (and second) cars. He’s the one I go to for “how do I fix $thing” advice. First time I met the man, he was called ‘Kevin,’ and that’s who he automatically is in my head.

My mom told me eventually that Kevin quietly wishes I’d call him dad, and she knows why I don’t, that it’s not a happy word for me and my refusing to use it for him speaks far better of my opinion of him than he probably thinks it does. But it makes Kevin sad, and I hate that. He’s a dude who does pretty much all his emotions quietly, kinda guy who delivers absolutely everything he says so dryly that it’s really hard to figure out whether he’s fucking with you or if he’s actually joking or upset until he starts laughing or grinning or raises his voice or curses.

It’s always a lot easier to do it in writing than out loud, that’s something that will probably never change. I’m not going to do it here, because he’s never gonna see it and HAHA boy am I ever not sharing my tumblr with my parents.

But I’ve called him dad a few times in the last few years, because it makes him happy and he deserves to be happy. I was a little shithead for way too long not to make a simple effort like that.

Still. Happy father’s day, Kevin. Even though I refuse to let you see this cuz man are you ever not prepared for the shit I post about on a regular basis. Hoo boy.

[doberbutts]

@whatwwwwwww yeah the kid I dated from 5th grade thru 7th grade... we only stopped dating because he realized he was gay and was uninterested in girls. And while I was dealing with my own gender stuff at the time, sure, I never really spoke to him about it not because I was ashamed but because I just... thought everyone was like that I guess. And then when I realized that not every girl is happy to hear a complete stranger mistake her for a boy, I just thought I was broken 🤷‍♂️ like I said I didn't even start to figure myself out until high school. That sort of information wasn't exactly provided to me by my very religious parents or schooling.

I dated another kid from the end of middle all the way up to halfway through what would have been 12th grade, and we started dating as a straight girl and straight boy, and ended as a gay trans man and bisexual cis man. He realized he was bi. I realized I was trans. I also realized he was a shithead and dumped him but eh.

There's a guy I dated briefly that I used to work with that didn't have a name for his sexuality, but when he asked me out I was not out at work yet. I told him he would be dating a man and his response was 'that's not a problem, I like *you*'. So like. Probably not straight.

I gave a gay kid a 'straight panic' because I wasn't out at school and he had a massive crush on me and couldn't figure it out. Eventually a mutual friend of ours had us both come out to each other after seeing us pining for the other, and he basically went 'oh my god it makes so much more sense'

I spent a wonderful 3 days in a bi-curious boy's arms that same year, when we met we didn't know each other's sexualities or genders, but by the end it didn't matter. We were at a school event in a hotel and I swear if supervision wasn't so tight I probably would have lost my virginity there with him and not some years later to someone else. Ironically it was hearing about that from said mutual friend (who was also present) that made the gay kid jump at the chance to shoot his shot.

Even when I wasn't out, it was not straight men instigating. And now that I am out, the GBT men I date have no problem with my transness, and straight men mostly either assume male or assume lesbian, so... they leave me alone.