#so plz be polite if you want to correct anything
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Traditional benders vs sub benders
Imagine a world where all the subcategories of bending have become so common, that "pure" elemental bending has flipped over to being more rare. And we've already seen the potential of this. In the og atla lighting was rare (only the royal family was using it) and metal bending was just created, but in tlok both sub bendings were being thrown around like extra boomerangs.
We also saw how people adapted to their environments via sand bending and swamp/plant bending. Which poses the question, did sand benders learn "traditional" earth bending before sand? Or did they learn sand first, and would need to change tactics when asked to earth bend? Was there swamp benders who needed to learn how to move water independently? In atla the North Pole only taught healing to women, therefore there was a whole class of waterbenders that could heal, but not much else.
So by taking in real world experiences, where as groups of people mix in communities, and have kids with each other, cultures and identities get mixed and/or diluted down. (Not necessarily in a bad/evil way, but like how some parents put emphasis on their kids learning the new culture and end up neglecting their own cultural heritage). As the kids today might say, we are losing recipes, it could happen here too. We get the new age of benders, that struggle with learning "traditional" bending. Maybe this is following after a age of benders that "specialized" their bendings to a extreme.
Like if a few more generations in, Toph's family only knows how to metal bend. Some fire benders can't actually bend fire, only lightning. There are some communities where fire and earth nations got so intertwined, they only seem to produce lava benders. Generations down in katara and aangs family we get a self proclaimed cloud bender.
This could lead to a conflict where we have traditionalists that view subcategory benders as lesser than those who align with the original tradition bending. We could get a evil avatar out of this story line where from a young age the avatar is raised with these ideals but later gets their redemption (i could go on another messy rant how this is my favorite possibility) Reinforcing the lesson about how being open minded and learning from others with always improve yourself. Or a story line about how it's no longer just four elements the avatar is representing, and shows the lesson about how representation and understanding is still needed after every one got mixed in (because there could easily be 7+ decently sized, different, yet still comparatively niche, ways of bending/culture along with tons of smaller ways of life)
Another conflict that could happen is how rare "traditional" masters are, so that when it's time for the avatar to learn all four elements, it's become increasingly hard. Then we get to see the avatar and their friends learn bending from the original benders, and the lesson is along the lines of how it's still important to understand your roots, and while its impossible to know every fact about the past, the information should always be available to look back at. Maybe the villain is a organization that views "traditional" bending as dangerous and made people too unpredictable or it's a way to nerf civilians (bc a earth bender could potentially learn BOTH metal and lave bending, but preventing knowledge would keep metal and lava benders restricted to one subcategory)
I have so many half baked ideas that all stem from me wanting to see more of the subcategories of bending. And with all the talk about getting to see a new avatar, we've all been wondering what the story could be. I personally love how aang and korra contrasted each other. it doesn't leave much room narratively for a new avatar. BUT by continuing down the themes of how quickly the world has changed, we already saw people questioning the need for a avatar. This also ties in to the ending of tlok, where the avatar cycle has been restarted. A perfect time to introduce a change of duty.
#avatar the last airbender#the legend of korra#atla#tlok#I've read zero percent of the comics#so plz be polite if you want to correct anything#my knowledge on how subcategories of bending work could very well be based off a wrong assumption i made as a kid#if you hated this treat it like a fun lil what if#if you love it plz share ur own ideas w me
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[image ID: a screenshot of a Tumblr interaction.
On May 3, someone posted, “[cloud emoji]: [redacted] blinkies <3 anti abuse only plz,” with six blinkies, captioned “all made at blinkie.cafe”
On June 2, critical-collective reblogged the original post. A third person reblogged this reblog, saying, “Many of those you would consider pro-abuse would consider themselves anti-abuse, and I can firmly say that even without knowing your stance. Sorry, but this is literally the same as ‘basic DNI,’ ‘DNI shitheads.’”
critical-collective reblogged from the third person, adding the tags, “#tbh i didnt even see that anti abuse thing when i first rbed #i was just captivated by the rolal blinkie #but rbing for that addition #also important to say that you cant really control who uses the things you post to public domain”
/end image ID]
I’ve been seeing this take more and more often among people I would consider friends/closely acquainted comrades, and I strongly disagree. It’s kind of worrying, actually. I’d wanted to address this earlier, and even started drafting this post weeks ago, but unfortunately stress + ADHD made me unable to actually finish writing it until now.
I remember seeing a similar sentiment around here from this following set of answers to anons. I hadn’t wanted to say anything about those answers at the time, because I was triggered and distressed, and thought it wasn’t really important enough of an issue to make a fuss about. But I think I’ll talk about it now, and I’ll also take this chance to address these in the same post, because they run on similar faulty logics.
[image ID: three asks sent to a person (not through Tumblr) about 1 month ago.
The first ask:
I see that many [[people in a certain community/demographic] think that [thing which is a form of sexual abuse] does not count as real sexual abuse,] but [they see that] others unfortunately [are] being real victims of predators and get sexually abused [(what does count as “real sexual abuse” under their framework)], so although wouldn't it be more logical to be anti-abuse than anti-[term for a set of behaviors which all constitute abuse (we believe we are correct in considering them to be abuse), though the aforementioned individuals believe that only some of them are abuse)]?
answer:
“Anti abuse” sounds like “anti bad things, pro good things” to me.
second ask:
Are you not anti bad things pro good things?
answer:
I try not to define my political positions in ways that describe my attitude more than what I actually want.
third ask:
But some people do think abuse is good, even things they themselves consider “abuse” (with that word).
answer:
Most people I’ve come across agreed with me that abuse is bad. We just defined abuse differently. And that, together with how sensationalized the concept of abuse is and how easily people get aggressive at the slightest implication that they support abuse, makes me not want to use this word as often. There are other ways to say the same thing.
Some portions have been redacted. The text in brackets was edited in by me to clarify context or make things easier to read.
/end image ID]
(I’m aware that this might make the OPs feel attacked. To clarify, I don’t intend this as an attack of some sort, just as a way to air my disagreements and frustrations and possibly provide useful information or arguments. Usually I don’t say anything at all when a friend/close acquaintance says something which I find problematic, because I don’t want to make people mad/upset at me, and feel like nobody would agree anyway. I’m not mad and don’t want any apologies; just bringing up points for consideration.)
It’s very important to me that people do not confuse what “should” be done from what “can” be done. It’s true, for example, that it’s difficult to truly have control over who reuses your designs you post to Tumblr. That doesn’t, however, make it wrong for you to wish for your creations to be reshared in respectful and ethical ways. Is it actually wrong for someone to violate a “do not use this if you are X”? I don’t know; the ethical considerations surrounding boundaries regarding non-direct interactions like these are far more ambiguous and difficult to determine. That doesn’t mean, however, that we should use doomer arguments—the logic of “you can’t enforce this, which is why you should not expect (want) people to respect this” itself can be applied to anything. Including boundaries that are much more obviously obligatory to respect. Leaving this open is dangerous. A similar set of arguments applies to DNIs in general.
And is it wrong for, say, a bigot to interact with a marginalized person who says “people bigoted against my identity DNI”? IMO, yes, but not really because I’d say “all DNIs are always inherently wrong to violate”; it’s because a bigot, with the beliefs they hold, makes those marginalized people unsafe. But the very same DNIs that are (pretty much) most unambiguously unethical to cross are also the ones which are hardest to enforce, because by definition bigots do not care about the boundaries of marginalized people. But, using this to argue against DNIs as a whole misunderstands the reason why many people say “[bigoted group] DNI.” They know that it’s not really enforceable without a block, but it sends a message: that this is what they want, and it indicates what they believe, and that they are likely hostile to bigotry. The same logic applies to abuse apologia.
This is in no way the same as things like “basic DNI criteria” or “DNI shitheads.” “Basic DNI criteria” and “shitheads” are nebulous, basically impossible to define universally, because they can’t be the same among everyone; they're by themselves vague and extremely subjective. But “abuse” is not such a term. Abuse is possible (arguably easy!) to define objectively, and one should expect people to adhere to a single definition of “abuse” (and believe that it exists). Of course most people don't agree on what constitutes “abuse”—and that is a problem, actually! Most people are abuse apologists; that’s not a good thing. Of course most people aren't the type of edgelord that’s unironically supportive of what they personally believe does constitute “abuse.” That doesn’t mean they’re not actually pro-abuse though; it means they’re wrong thinking some abuse isn’t real abuse. But the solution to that is not to cater to their abuse apologia, to coddle them and refuse to tell them the truth for the sake of some liberal ideals of “tolerance” for a “diversity of opinions.” Some opinions are not valid! Some opinions are harmful!
Bigots (in general) use the exact same tactics, rejecting labels like “racist” or “homophobe” when they’re accused of being such, because they don't believe what they’re promoting or doing “counts” as “real” bigotry or oppression. That doesn’t mean they're right about that. It also does not mean that people should stop saying “I don’t want [bigots] here” because “well what about the [un-self-aware bigots]!!” (They are un-self-aware bigots, not people who just happen to have a neutrally different and equally valid opinion on what constitutes bigotry.)
Ceding that the definition of abuse can reasonably/should be relativized is what abuse-relativizers (and abuse advocates/abusers in general) have been cheering on since forever. They believe that “abuse” is “simply a word to indicate nebulous individual feelings of perceiving Bad Things” because they support abuse and don’t view it as a serious issue specifically defined by exploitation of power/violation of autonomy which is inherently unethical, and view victims as lying, overreacting, contemptible, and unreliable witnesses to or interpreters of our own lives. They apply this view to victims/survivors all the time, dismissing our concerns as simply “subjective feelings” or Moral(tm) Judgment(tm), and cast this labeling as “demonization.”
The term abuse is “sensationalized” in most people’s minds BECAUSE of pervasive abuse culture and pro-abuse attitudes. Of course many people only believe that Actually Extremely Bad actions are “abusive”—they don’t have a good understanding of what abuse is! That is a very bad thing! It is one of the most important factors in making most abuse go undetected and most victims unsupported! (Meanwhile, the actual problem with the anon’s statement and beliefs went unaddressed, missing out on a useful opportunity, because the responder decided to focus completely on the wrong problem.)
I can’t really take this (the responses to the asks) as just some sort of personal preference indicator regarding terminology and comfort levels. It’s clearly a capitulation to abuse culture that fundamentally misunderstands the dynamics at play, and ultimately reinforces these problems.
Yes, much of abuse victim advocacy advises that (at first) you should not directly use the term “abuse” when telling someone that the abusive behaviors they’ve experienced were wrong or that their abuser is harming them. But that has never been a call to keep doing that forever, perceiving avoiding the term “abuse” (them having internalized their abuser’s abusive rhetoric) as some sort of good thing. It’s a crucial part of healing and breaking free from abuse to be able to understand that the abuse was in fact “abuse” and that abusers are abusers.
The word “abuse” is language extremely important to victims/survivors and anti-abuse activists. Abuse apologists’ fear of/aggressive opposition to being labeled abusers is a clear indicator and product of their own ignorance, entitlement, and oppressive ideologies. That makes it even more important to confront their problematic rhetoric and lack of understanding instead of defanging our ability to analyze and critique power dynamics and advocate for ourselves.
Everywhere I look I see people wanting to water down, co-opt, or constrain the language developed and used by survivors because nothing will satisfy them but, ultimately, complete silence. Everywhere people seem allergic to the term “abuse,” complaining that it is “too strong a word” and maybe you shouldn’t use it? I mean it’s kind of harsh/mean/too extreme/subjective/exaggerating/hysterical isn’t it? Just pick a different word!!! (No word ever truly satisfies.) I’m fucking tired of this bullshit and I don’t want traces of it to stick in places where I am supposed to feel safe and have my issues and my needs understood too.
(update: talked it out with the aforementioned third person; we mostly agree)
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Dragon king Yuta has my attention. Plz do continue
Part One
***
Two weeks after your encounter at your bakery, Yuta had summoned the entire kingdom for a ball. What for, exactly, you have no idea, but he asked you to cater the pastries and sweets, and who are you to reject potential clients and future clients.
It took nearly three days just to plan everything out, prep, and then bake everything required for the ball. Luckily, you have a few good employees under your wing that helped you out.
Now, as you stand before the grand entrance to the ballroom, you're starting to regret your choice in apparel for the evening.
Since given those precious gems, you had wondered what exactly to do with them. You could have exchanged them or sold them for money, but they were a gift, and you felt wrong doing that. So you did what you thought best (and secretly have always wanted but never had a reason, nor the means to treat yourself to).
Atop your head rests the finest tiara dressed with those glimmering jewels you have been gifted, accenting the matching necklace, earrings, bracelet, and ring you also had custom made for yourself. You're just lucky you know a jeweller who knows what she's doing, and just so happens to be your best friend.
You can still remember the shock on her face when you showed her the gemstones, the complete awe in her eyes as she examined each jewel piece by piece.
"And he just gave them to you?" Rosé's eyes are wide, mouth slightly agape as she looks to you once more.
"He told me it was a gift," you nod.
"The Dragon King gave you some of his own treasure," she says, in disbelief, "as a gift?"
"Yes," you confirm, and you see her jaw drop fully.
"You know what this means, don't you?" She wiggles her brows suggestively at you.
"Don't you dare," your eyes narrow as you cross your arms, already understanding what she's insinuating.
"Come on! Dragons don't just gift people hoards of their precious gems," she shoots you a knowing look. "Especially not King Yuta."
"He's really not as terrifying as everyone makes him out to be," you reply with a huff, adding under your breath, "more annoying than anything, really."
"Still, this is a big deal," she spreads some of the gems out on the table before herself, already pairing some stones together as a vision appears in her head. "Please tell me you at least thanked him for this."
"I did!" You immediately defend yourself. "Listen, I know I complain about the guy a lot, but I'm not going to act ungrateful to any sort of gift. I even gave him some of my own products in return as a thank you."
She nods her understanding, almost absentmindedly until your words actually sink in. Once they do, she freezes in her movements, slowly lifting her gaze to meet yours, "you know what that means, don't you?"
"What do you mean? I only returned the favour to be polite," your brow furrows.
"Oh, sweetie, it means so much more than that," she chuckles. "Receiving a gift from a dragon, and then immediately gifting them something in return is basically like a marriage proposal."
Your jaw drops.
"We are not engaged!" Your voice comes out shrill in your panicked state.
"In his mind, you may as well be,"
"This can't be possible," you start pacing in front of the table, hand on your chin as you stare at the floor. "He didn't say anything of the sorts. How am I supposed to know the ways of dragons? This is not happening right now. I'm not engaged to the dragon king. Nope. No way."
"Relax," she chuckles once more. "I'm sure it's not as serious as it could be. Besides, if he didn't say anything to you then I'd take as just a gift between friends-" at the look you send her, she corrects herself, "acquaintances."
Thus, you left it at that and changed the topic of conversation, thinking nothing of Rosé words.
Until Yuta made the announcement for a ball. Then her words came back to haunt you.
Unfortunately for you, you got so caught up in preparations for said ball that you forgot all about what the meaning behind it could be. Until this very moment.
Maybe the tiara was a bad investment...
No. To hell with dragons and their stupid ways of what may or may not be proposing. You've worked hard and tonight, you're going to enjoy yourself!
Straightening yourself, you smooth out your dress for the evening. Taking a deep breath in, you walk through the doors.
#ask#still loving this a bit too much#omg#yandere nct#yandere yuta#yuta drabble#dragon au#nct drabble#drabbles#mayhaps a part three?#👀
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I love all those sentence prompts you just posted.😂 But I feel like the most appropriate one is probably:
“So why did I have to punch that guy?”
Thank you Arrow!! 💗
Ridiculous Sentence Prompts: "So why did I have to punch that guy?"
--
There were only a few things left in the world that made Mickey really, really angry.
The first was their property manager, Melanie, and her stupid-ass dog with its stupid, stupid diaper.
The second was the fact that a single can of beer cost four times more on the West Side than it did back in their old neighborhood. What special brand of bullshit were these crunchy granola hippies trying to churn out at the Wine, Etc. store, anyway?
The third thing, and probably the only one that would stick around after he adjusted to his new life above the poverty line, was any time that anyone disrespected, hurt, or even mildly annoyed his husband.
Every time they dealt with an irritating client or an overzealous new employee, Mickey would clench his teeth and fight the urge to knock them on their ass. One hit was all it would take, he knew that for certain. He'd taken down Ian's exes, family members, hell, even Ian himself on a few occasions, with a single punch to the throat.
Now, he was an adult, a business owner, a husband and partner that needed to play by society's rules if they were ever going to crawl out of the gutter completely.
The very idea made Mickey's teeth ache.
He bit his bottom lip while they sat side-by-side in their booth at the Alibi, waiting for some schmuck to meet them for an interview.
"We need to start interviewing the guys we hire, Mickey," Ian had said one night while cooking dinner. He chopped the carrots and celery on the wooden cutting board while Mickey sat slumped on the couch, nursing a beer and watching a TikTok Mandy had sent him earlier that day.
He looked up at his husband as he watched an orange and white cat chow down on kibble after his automatic feeder malfunctioned.
Mandy 🌻 (6:09pm): plz tell ian this is him in cat form
Mickey snorted at his phone, barely registering Ian's comment.
"Mick?" Ian tried again, and Mickey looked up from his phone.
"Hmm?" he replied through a mouthful of beer.
"I said we need to start interviewing the guys we hire," Ian said again, using the knife to scrape the carrots and celery off of the cutting board and into the giant pot he had boiling on the stove. Mickey wasn't sure what he was making, but it smelled amazing.
"What for? Those resumé things ain't good enough for you?" Mickey's mouth quirked up on the side as he tried to hide a smirk.
Ian rolled his eyes and used the comically oversized wooden spoon to stir his soup.
"No, Mick. So we don't have another Connor situation."
Mickey snorted. Connor was a dipshit they'd hired back in April to help with pickups, a dipshit that had cost the company almost $2,500 after he "forgot" to make the deposit with Ian and Mickey at the end of his scheduled route.
"I mean, his name's Connor. Kinda feel like you should've known what you were walkin' in to with that one."
"I'm serious," Ian said. "Interviews. We gotta do 'em." He stirred the soup vigorously, the spoon clanking against the side of the pot with every twist.
Mickey sighed deeply and rolled his eyes.
"Fine, we'll interview some new guys. But we're not doing it at a Starbucks or some shit. I'm not ready to go full West Side." He scrunched up his nose and made a face, to which Ian just chuckled.
"Glad you're on board," he teased, getting back to work on his soup, which had started to bubble.
--
Kev and Vee had moved to Louisville a month before, transferring ownership of the bar to Carl and Officer Tipping, who promised to keep everything just as it was. It gave Mickey a sense of calm knowing that even as the rest of his old neighborhood was slipping away, his adolescent stomping grounds now littered with coffee shops and yoga studios, some things remained the same.
He ran his fingers along the familiar crack in the table, a sharp sensation prodding the pads of his fingertips and helping him forget, even temporarily, what they were there to do.
Ian smacked the back of Mickey's hand gently.
"Stop it," he said, referring to the way Mickey was two seconds away from giving himself a splinter.
Mickey huffed and rolled his eyes.
"What's this guy's name again?"
Ian looked at his phone where he had an email pulled up. He glanced over the message then scrolled to the bottom.
"Derek," he said plainly.
"Derek," Mickey mocked, and Ian whacked him in the chest with the back of his hand.
"Knock it off," he said, and Mickey rolled his eyes again.
"Whatever. He's late anyway, let's just bail and go get some pizza."
"He's not late, Mickey. It's only..." he looked at his watch. "3:58. He's got three minutes until he's late."
Just then, as if summoned by Ian's voice, a tall, lanky, blond man walked through the front door of the bar and made his way towards the back corner booth where Ian and Mickey sat.
"You guys Ian and Mackie?"
Ian snorted as he tried to hide his laughter. Mickey rolled his eyes a third time, this time so hard that it was honestly impressive he didn't snap his optic nerves in the process.
"Mickey," Ian corrected politely. He nudged his husband with his elbow and the two of them climbed out of the booth to meet with their interviewee.
Ian shook his hand firmly.
"I'm Ian, and this is my husband Mickey." He smiled and turned to Mickey, who was standing with his hands in his pockets and giving Derek, all six feet two inches of him, an intense once-over. Elbowing his husband for a second time, Mickey relented, pulling his hands from his pockets and reaching out to shake Derek's hand. His giant palm was cold and clammy but also somehow uncomfortably hot. Mickey grimaced.
"Hey," he said gruffly. "Mickey."
"Derek," the other man said as they shook hands. "So you two are married?"
Ian nodded.
"Little over a year now, yeah."
Derek nodded.
"Cool, cool, cool," he said, nodding and looking around. "So this place is...interesting."
The judgmental and condescending way Derek said "interesting" wasn't new or unusual to either of them, but tall lanky blond bitches with North Side energy and a terrible fade saying "interesting" like they wanted to say "disgusting" made Mickey's blood boil.
He clenched his fist without even realizing what he was doing. Ian noticed immediately when Mickey's shoulders tensed up, stiffening in a way that reminded Ian of a startled cat, and he turned to climb back in the booth. He squeezed Mickey's arm once, twice, and dragged him down into the booth with him.
"It was a family friend's place," Ian said, nonchalant, eager to move the conversation away from the Alibi and towards their business. "So, Derek, on your resume, I see that you worked--"
Derek cut Ian off mid-sentence.
"Have they ever thought about turning this place into some sort of art installation or something? Just with the open floor plan and the exposed pipes, it's very pseudo-industrial-chic."
If they hadn't already assumed before by his distinct vocal fry and the smell of coconut hair gel, Derek's use of the term "pseudo-industrial-chic" solidified what the other two already knew: there were three gay motherfuckers in this booth.
Ian stuttered for a second, surprised by Derek's interjection and resistance to changing the subject.
"Don't think so, no." He grabbed his phone and opened up the Gmail app again. "So, anyway, your resume says you worked at--"
"You know what would be really cool in here? A movement class. I went to one in LA once that was hosted by Gwyneth Paltrow and it was liberating."
Mickey snorted and Ian elbowed him in the ribs.
"I bet it was," Ian said, unamused at Derek's refusal to talk about his work history. "So you worked at--"
"Have you guys ever been to LA? Oh my god, it's the best. So chic. I mean, I'm from Evanston originally, so basically anything is chic in comparison. I mean, not here, obviously, but you know. Other places."
Ian sighed.
"Totally," he said. "So, your work history, it says--"
"Hey, do you guys know what the best dispensary is around here? Preferably something upscale, with those iPads you can order on. I need a few new carts--"
"Dude," Mickey cut in. "Can you shut the fuck up for five seconds?"
Derek looked surprised, and Mickey could hear Ian's sharp, apprehensive inhale.
"Excuse me?" Derek said, holding his hand to his chest.
"He's been trying to ask you the same question since we sat down, and you won't shut the fuck up about chic cities and weed, so if you could just answer our questions, that would be great." He looked over at Ian, whose eyes were wide and hesitant, unsure about how things were about to unfold.
"You're very rude," Derek said to Mickey, giving him a scowl.
Mickey snorted.
"Yeah, tell me something I don't know."
Derek's eyes narrowed and his forehead wrinkled up, agitated.
"You should be nicer to the people you want to hire." He crossed his arms over his chest like a petulant child.
Mickey laughed out loud.
"Dude, who says we wanna hire you? I'm pretty sure if you worked for us, I'd blow my brains out in the first two minutes."
Ian tried and failed miserably to conceal his laughter, covering his mouth with his hand and looking down at the table. Mickey leaned over towards his husband.
"I kinda wanna punch this guy in the mouth," he mumbled, and Ian side-eyed him from where he sat beside him.
"Please don't," he replied in a whisper before composing himself and turning back to Derek.
"Look, Derek, you seem like a nice guy, but I don't think this is gonna work out." He held out his hand to signal that the interview was over, but Derek didn't return his handshake. Instead, he pouted like a toddler that had just been scolded for bad behavior.
"Your husband's a dick," Derek said to Ian, and Mickey could literally feel Ian's body stiffen next to him.
"Hey," Mickey said, putting his hand on Ian's knee. "Forget it. Let's go get pizza."
"No," Ian said sternly, turning back to Derek. "Listen, dude, you're also kind of a dick, so why don't we just call this a wash and you can go track down your carts or whatever."
Mickey bit his lip, fighting a smile. He secretly loved when Ian got defensive, as long as it wasn't directed towards him.
"You're both dicks!" Derek said, slamming his hands down on the table. He slid out of the booth and stood up, and Mickey and Ian did the same. The three men stood there, Derek facing the husbands with a pissed-off expression.
"You should go," Ian said, pointing at the door.
Derek snorted.
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. When the ad said South Side, I knew there was a good chance the owners were a couple of trashy, ghetto assholes. But him?" He pointed at Mickey. "He's a world-class dick."
Before Derek could say anything else, he was cut off by a fist to the jaw and dropped to the floor, unconscious.
The ambient chatter and loud clacking of billiard balls came to a halt as the regulars that sat scattered around the Alibi turned in unison to see what had happened. Once they identified the source of the loud "thud" as one of the Gallagher-Milkovich boys knocking out some blond giant, they immediately turned back to their various activities.
Just another day on the South Side.
Ian cupped his right fist in his left hand and turned to Mickey, bewildered.
"I just punched that guy, Mick," he said, genuinely surprised. "I knocked him out. Shit."
Mickey shrugged.
"He kinda deserved it."
Ian looked at Mickey with a really? sort of expression and shook his head back and forth.
"Still," he said, turning to look at Derek, sprawled out unconscious on the floor like a rag doll.
"C'mon man, it's fine. He'll come to, and when he does, we'll be long gone." He grabbed Ian's upper arm and gave him a tug, but Ian just sat back down in the booth.
"Why did I do that?" he asked, but Mickey knew he was talking only to himself. He sat down beside his husband, stepping over Derek's long ass leg on his way back to the booth.
"I mean, you kinda had to."
Ian looked over at Mickey, eyebrows raised. He stared at his husband for a moment, puzzling, before breaking into a smile.
"What?" Mickey asked, confused as to how Ian could go from having some sort of moral crisis over knocking out a hipster to grinning gleefully at his husband in a half second. Ian reached over and put his hand on Mickey's thigh. Immediately, the mood shifted. Pool cues squeaked as they were chalked up and glasses clinked on the countertops. The distinct chhh-chhh sound of a spray bottle punctured Mickey's ear drums as he looked down at his husband's hand on his thigh.
"So," Ian said, voice quieter than before. "Why did I have to punch that guy?"
Mickey smirked. He could be honest, and say the obvious reason, which was that Derek was a total douche canoe and deserved to be socked in the mouth by someone his own size. He could lie, and say it was because Derek seemed dangerous and Ian was just following his instincts, but that would have been the lie of the fucking century.
Instead, he said neither, and opted for something he knew would make Ian smile.
"Because you love me."
Ian's face broke into a full grin and he giggled, leaning over to kiss his husband once, quickly, well-aware of Mickey's hesitancy towards PDA when they were out and about on the South Side.
When he pulled back, he was smirking, and Mickey knew his cheeks were flushed. He hadn't been expecting the kiss, however brief it was, and his stomach felt a little fluttery.
"I mean, I'm not the kind of guy that just stands by and lets people talk shit about the man he loves." He grinned and Mickey rolled his eyes, remembering Ian telling him about the last words he'd said to Glittery Twink Byron the night they'd gotten engaged.
"You're a fuckin' sap, man."
"True," Ian said, standing up from the booth and stepping over Derek's leg as Mickey had done minutes before. He reached out his hand and pulled his husband from the booth. The two of them stood there momentarily, staring at Derek's lump of a body on the sticky, peanut-shell covered floor.
"Should we like, do something?" Mickey asked, kicking Derek's foot with his own boot. The man didn't move a muscle. Mickey wondered for a second if he might be dead, but the shallow rise and fall of the douche canoe's chest let him know that unfortunately, for all of humankind, the asshole was still alive.
Ian shook his head.
"Nah, he can sleep it off."
He reached down and took Mickey's hand in his own.
"C'mon," he said as he dragged them both towards the door. "Let's go get pizza."
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Catra works at Burger King pt 3
catradora in ther modern party clothes!
AO3
pt1/2
Catra was currently studying in the library, trying to work her way through a math problem.
Her place didn't have internet, so she usually alternated between the school wifi, the public library, and Burger King. Lonnie usually let her study in the break room when the libraries closed up.
Her phone pings with a message, obviously from Adora.
Catra picks up her phone and unlocks it, eyebrow raising when she sees the message.
Adora:
Wyd?
Catra sighs. Of course that airheaded jock texted like a frat boy. As much as she wanted to leave her on read, a deal was a deal.
Catra:
Studying.
Adora:
So diligent! You're so cool, Catra :)
Adora:
I'm weightlifting right now! Gotta work off all those BK calories 💪
Great, maybe she will leave her alone to go do her workout.
Adora:
[image.attachment]
Catra almost drops her phone when she sees the photo Adora sent. It was a shot of her by the mirror, and she was flexing with a dumbbell. She was wearing a black crop top, which framed her abs perfectly.
What was she doing, getting flustered over what, a gym rat photo that looked like it belonged on a Tinder profile? After much gay panic and debate, Catra takes a photo of herself with her middle finger up to the camera. She taps ‘send’ angrily.
Catra:
[image.attachment] 🖕
She doesn't get a response for a few minutes, which was odd. Usually Adora typed back at the speed of lightning.
Ping.
Adora:
wow Ur rlly hot
Catra looks at the text, slack jawed. What the hell?
Adora:
Oh my god I am so sorry. That was Glimmer, she took my phone.
Catra could almost scream, but she was in a public library. She settles for furiously chewing her out, sharp nails flying over the keyboard.
Catra:
Plz make Ur excuses more believable. It's so unoriginal I can't even post this on r/OopsDidntMeanTo.
Adora:
I really didn't mean to 🥺
Adora:
I mean
Adora:
Glimmer didn't mean to
God, Adora was so stupid. Yet here Catra was, blushing like a fool. When she doesn’t answer for a while, her phone starts pinging again with notifications.
>Adora liked your photo
>Adora liked your status
>Adora reacted to your comment
>Adora liked your photo
It goes on for another 23 times and Catra scrolls through it, dumbfounded. Unblocking her was a mistake.
----
As promised, Adora would visit her garage when her shifts were over bringing groceries. In exchange Catra would cook, as it seemed like Adora would burn water if she tried.
It started off as a weekly thing, but in a true Adora-like fashion it ended up like this everyday. They would talk for hours, catching up on their lost years together.
Adora talked about all sorts of things, like how hard it was adjusting to the soft beds at first and how she requested a hard one. She told her about the contents of the letters she would send to Catra that never went received. Catra just listened, gratified to hear that Adora missed her in their time apart even half as much as she did.
They would sing the little songs they invented back when they were kids and make up whole new ones as they waited for the food. Adora even started learning how to cook after watching Catra, and she would barge in uninvited with new recipes. The food tasted better with company, and Adora took great pleasure in piling her seconds.
Catra would show her the local dumpster and they would go scavenging for items they needed. She taught her how to repair the things they found using Youtube tutorials, and how to disinfect them. It was fun watching Adora try to haggle for prices at the market, or her face when she realized she had to use the outhouse to go to the bathroom at Catra’s.
Days bleed into months, their easygoing friendship making Catra feel at peace for the first time in forever.
Right now they were currently in their trial exam period, which functioned both as practice for their final exams and half of their final marks. They were sitting in the library, chatting about their future majors.
Catra taps a pencil to her chin. ‘Let me guess, you want to do art. No, art history.’
‘Political science, actually! Did you know Eternia University has the number one ranked Political Science course in the entire country?' Adora says, flipping through the uni coursebook.
'Wao, future leader of the free world huh? That's kinda hot.' Catra teases, while Adora swats her in embarrassment.
'What about you?'
'Double degree of Law and Social Work.' Catra replies. 'Cliche I know. But I just want to be in a position where I can sue the shit out of Shadow Weaver. The system is corrupt, and there's thousands of kids being abused.'
'Wow, you're so cool Catra.' Adora says in awe. 'You're so smart, you'd definitely get in.'
'Damn right.' She scoffs, crossing her arms.
'You're gonna love Eternia. I went to their open day, the campus is gorgeous. Oh my gosh we could dorm together!'
'Gross, who'd want to be your roommate?'
'You would.'
'Ew, you're so full of yourself. Anyway get off me, I have work soon and I need to get changed.'
'Ah yes, the cute Burger King apron. I never get tired of it.'
They would always flirt back and forth like this, but nothing ever came out of it.
With her friendship came the feelings that she had repressed long ago, unknotting and resurfacing like they had never gone at all. However she had no idea if Adora even liked her in that way, given how affectionate she was with Bow and Glimmer. She was popular with boys and girls alike, but she never dated anyone. Catra never dared to ask.
Once Adora had fallen asleep in Catra's bed, and the brunette had woken up to the other girls arm around her and their feet tangled together. It reminded her of when they shared the bed as kids, but now they were grown up and this kind of thing didn't have an innocent meaning anymore. Having her there made her heart race and her palms sweaty.
She had wanted to kiss her then. She wanted to kiss her now. Catra wanted every single morning to end up like that.
--
Adora:
Your birthday is soon! Did you want anything?
You , Catra thinks, like a huge sap.
Catra:
My sanity back.
Adora:
Oh my gosh, we could throw you a party at my place! You’re turning 18 right? We could go out drinking! Angella has this amazing vintage wine collection and I could make cocktails!
Catra receives another wall of text, basically planning the entirety of this birthday party with Bow being the DJ and how Glimmer could make these buns that were to die for. Adora starts going through the entire party guest list until she has to cut in.
Catra:
lol calm down
Adora:
Does this mean Ur on board? 🎉
Catra:
yes fine since you won't shut up about it
Adora:
AAAAAAAH YOU'RE THE BEST!!!!!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️ U WILL NOT REGRET THIS
DW I WILL PLAN EVERYTHING <3333
💗💖💖😻
The excessive amount of heart emojis make Catra grin dumbly into her palm.
She's glad they're not video chatting, or Adora would've already taken a screenshot.
---
It’s the day of her 18th birthday, and she’s nearing the end of her shift. The best friend squad were waiting for her at their usual table so they could give her a ride.
‘Hey Catra. Can I speak to you out back?’ Lonnie asks, gesturing outside.
What the heck, did she do something wrong? It’s been pretty peaceful as of late, and Catra tries to remember if she had done anything to Kyle recently. She nods, chucking her apron at the back as she tries not to notice Adora’s eyes following her.
Catra goes out to the back of the store, the night air nipping at her shoulders. Lonnie waits for her there, biting her lip.
‘What’s up? Don’t tell me you’re giving me a raise.’ Catra jokes.
Lonnie looks conflicted, and she takes a big breath.
‘I’m sorry but our store isn’t doing so well. I know you’re turning 18, and that means we can’t afford to keep you on anymore.’
‘What…?’
Catra felt numb, like she wasn’t really there in the back alley with Lonnie. It felt like an out of body experience. She could only stare at her, betrayed.
Like Lonnie could read her mind, she tries to correct herself. ‘It wasn’t my decision, it was Octavia’s.’
Of course it was. Her regional manager was the reason she could never just swipe food while she was working. Octavia never liked her, she always reviewed the security cameras and told her off for goofing around. She must’ve known the door incident was on Catra’s shift, and what really happened despite Adora’s cover up. This ‘layoff’ was just an excuse to get rid of her from a financial standpoint.
‘Thank you for all your hard work over these past 3 years. I know you’re going through a rough time, so we will of course give you a recommendation.’
Catra just nods.
She returns to her shift, robotically going through the motions. Catra doesn’t even say anything sassy when Adora asks for a burger with no patty and no onions and no sauce, only cheese on bread.
The lack of a clever comeback to their gag routine has Adora concerned. ‘Are you okay?’
Of course she wasn’t. How could she be? She was going to have to vacate her garage space, not like she had anywhere to put her furniture in. What the hell was she going to do?
‘I’m fine.’ She says, even though tears were threatening to burn a hole in the back of her eyelids. ‘Just...rough day.’
‘It’s your birthday! The party will cheer you up.’ Bow says brightly. ‘I have the sickest playlist of all time, you're gonna love it.'
'My mum isn’t home so we have free reign over the entire house! Come on girl, let's get you changed!' Glimmer crows, too excited about the party to pick up on Catra's mood. 'Makeover time!!'
The two of them force her into Glimmer's Mercedes, on their way to buy every alcohol imaginable from the bottle shop before they go to her house.
The last thing Catra wanted to do was play dress up or even go to her party, but Adora had planned for so long for this. It would definitely ruin the entire night if she refused to go.
Out of all the times they had hung out, she’s never been to Adora’s house. She leans her head against the window when they drive into the fancy part of town, by the lakeside with the multi-million dollar yachts parked in the water.
That still doesn't prepare Catra for when security lets them in through the black gates to the biggest mansion she’s ever seen. There were fountains, perfectly manicured lawns, a tennis court, and was that a helicopter pad?!
It was incredible, she had only seen this kind of luxury in the movies. So Glimmer was rich , rich. No wonder she was put out that Adora had her 18th birthday at Burger King.
Catra looks at Adora with a dumbfounded expression as the attendants let them in, and the blonde looks almost embarrassed when they have to get into an elevator to go to her room.
Glimmer picks out a hybrid of clothes from her and Adora's closets. The walk-in wardrobe is huge, like a department store full of designer clothes, shoes, jewellery and bags.
Her wardrobe alone is the size of Catra's home. The brunette suddenly understands why Adora cried upon seeing her concrete garage space. Looking at it, she wanted to cry too.
Glimmer sets her down on her huge poster bed as she brings out a checkered crop top, ripped black garter shorts and an expensive looking black leather jacket with a gold trim. While Catra reluctantly gets changed, Glimmer picks out a pair of black strappy heeled boots and a hair straightener to battle the bush on Catra’s head.
She sits still while Glimmer goes to work on her face, bringing out an entire Sephora’s worth of makeup. When Catra looks in the vanity mirror, she almost doesn’t recognize herself. Her eyes were framed with false eyelashes, a swooping cateye, smokey eyeshadow, sharp contour and her lips were now cherry red with bold lipstick. Glimmer applies the finishing touches with silver rings and clip on piercings.
She hears Adora inhale with shock from the staircase in her bedroom.
‘Catra you look incredible !’ She gasps. Adora was wearing this cute backless white dress tied with strings, short enough that it cropped above her knees. She was wearing sparkly wedges to go with it, and her hair was curled instead of her usual ponytail. Her delicate gold sword necklace frames her collarbones.
Catra’s throat goes dry. ‘Uh- You too.’
Glimmer smirks, satisfied with her work. She gets changed into her own outfit, a short purple tulle lace dress with a white fur trim and a cute Gucci clutch to accompany it. The pink haired girl spritzes them all with her various floral and sea spray scented perfumes before they head back downstairs.
‘Wow you guys look amazing!’ Scorpia marvels, and Adora’s friends voice their approval as well.
‘Gosh this place is crazy.’ Scorpia whispers to Catra. ‘Did you see their pool? We should’ve just held the swimming carnival here!’
Catra opens her mouth to tell her how Lonnie had let her go, but Sea Hawk’s booming voice interrupts them.
'I challenge you to the ultimate game of BEER PONG!' Sea Hawk announces, spinning the ball on his fingertips.
Of course this gets everyone's competitive spirit going, and everyone gets into pairs.
After a few drinks Catra has almost forgotten what she was worrying about earlier, too focused on the buzz. Her and Adora demolish the other teams by a landslide with their impeccable aim.
Soon the attendants came out with dinner, and it was lavish with every food you could imagine. Lobster, kobe beef, hor d'oeuvres, beluga caviar, kale, and opulent ice cream were all among the plates of food on the table.
They bring out a massive 3 tiered truffle cake, the words 'Happy Birthday' written with an oddly crude drawing of Catra.
'You drew this?' She asks, and Adora nods happily. 'You worked so hard on mine, so.' Catra doesn’t have the heart to tell her that the cake was $7 and the drawing of her forehead was meant as an insult.
They sing the birthday song for her, and this time no one brings up the cake cutting tradition.
After dinner they sit outside in the garden around the bonfire Sea Hawk had made. He was drunkenly singing a loud shanty while Bow piled in the wood, fanning the flames. Frosta sips on a mocktail, the only one there who wasn’t old enough to drink yet. The fire flickers and dances, casting shadows around them.
Catra downs a few more cocktails and jello shots as she waits for Mermista to light up some fireworks. Apparently it was illegal, but Mermista just waved her off, telling her that she’ll just pay the penalty fee as Catra’s birthday gift. Sea Hawk really did rub off on her.
When she successfully sets them off they light up the sky in dazzling multicoloured sparks. Adora’s friends whoop with glee, taking photos and videos to commemorate the moment.
Adora's side profile is lit up in the dark, and she looks impossibly beautiful among the backdrop of stars. Longing tears at her chest, Catra wants to hold her hand but her throat feels too tight and she can’t move. The truth was that she knew she had always had feelings for Adora, even back when they were just kids back in the foster home. But like a coward, she could never voice them for fear of Adora leaving her side.
A loud neighing can be heard from the stables in response to the loud booming noises from the fireworks.
'Swifty!' Adora says, standing up. The moment's breaks and Catra reels back her hand. 'Stay here, I'll be right back.'
Her chance disappears, she couldn’t say it after all. She watches her go tend to her horse, feeling stupid.
‘Yoohoo~, want a rematch?’ Sea Hawk calls out from the patio, pouring vodka into tiny glasses.
‘Don’t mind if I do.’ Catra replies. She definitely didn’t know her alcohol tolerance levels yet, so it was the perfect time to take that to the test.
Catra confidently does a whole line of shots, determined to drink herself into unconsciousness. Every time she sees a flash of Lonnie or Adora’s face in her mind, she takes another swig. Everyone is cheering her on, screaming the song ‘Shots’ over and over again, also all drunk out of their minds. Sea Hawk taps out at the 5th drink, and everyone screams at Catra’s flawless victory. Scorpia lifts her into the air to do a victory lap, cheering.
Adora finally makes an appearance, alerted by the sound of Catra's shrieky laughter as Scorpia swings her around.
‘Don’t worry, I can take it from here.’ Her school captain says pulling Catra away from her friend. Scorpia just shrugs and makes her way to the food table.
‘Catra, maybe you should slow down.’ Adora tells the giggling girl in her arms.
‘Noo way.’ She slurs, she was enjoying the feeling too much, the alcohol burning through her body, making her feel lightheaded. The light up disco dancefloor starts to blur into a kaleidoscope of colours.
‘You got some weed?’ Catra asks, seeing Perfuma light a bowl. The taller girl hands her an already rolled up one and Catra snatches it to take a long drag. The smoke hits her lungs and she starts coughing.
‘Oi Perfuma, why did you bring drugs? Angella will kill me!' Adora gripes, trying to wrestle the blunt away from Catra.
‘Aw don't be like that! I made some edibles for you guys to try.’ Perfuma says cheerfully, pointing to the pot brownies.
‘See? Scorpia likes them.’ She gestures at the other girl, who seemed to be currently tripping out of her mind and eating everything on the table.
Catra goes to reach for one, but Adora grabs her by the wrist to lead her back inside. 'Alright, you're done for the night. Everyone say bye!'
‘Byee Catra!’
‘Happy birthday!!’
Adora grabs her by the waist to lead her to her bedroom, Catra wobbling after her in the heels Glimmer lent her.
'Ugh Adoraaa, don't be such a party pooper. I'm fine.' She moans, leaning heavily on the other girl.
'Don't you have a shift tomorrow afternoon? I don't want you getting hungover or drug tested.' Adora chides, rummaging around the dark for the light switch.
Catra snorts. 'Oh you don't have to worry about that anymore. Got laid off.'
Adora looks at her in confusion, until realization dawns on her. 'Wait, is that why Lonnie took you outside?'
'Say, I never got to give you your birthday gift.' Catra pushes her hair back, voice sultry as she flings off her jacket. She never pinned herself down as a horny drunk, but here they were. Catra shoves Adora onto the bed, straddling her. Her golden hair spills over the mattress, soft like spun silk.
'You still want that kiss?' Catra whispers in Adora's now burning red ear. 'My knife touched the bottom.'
Adora's face now resembled a fire truck, mouth gaping in shock.
'C-Catra, I…'
Catra presses their lips together, silencing her. She knows she probably tastes like alcohol and weed right now, but she couldn't care less in the moment. Adora's mouth is still slack jawed from mortification, so she takes the opportunity for tongue. She frowns and moves down to her neck when Adora doesn’t return the kiss.
'Catra, what are you doing-'
Catra bites down on Adora's nape. The blonde underneath her lets out a soft gasp, arching her back. Her gold manicured nails dig into her shoulder.
'Stop, you're not thinking straight-!'
'Sure ain't.' Catra grins, licking a stripe down the base of her neck. Adora’s necklace chain jingles with the movement. There was now an impressive hickey there, blooming violet on her pale skin. She pauses to admire her handiwork.
'This isn't you talking, you'll, you'll regret this in the morning.' Adora stutters. She's shivering, their hands now laced together, silver rings clanking.
'I know. I don't care.' She replies, kissing her again. Adora's teeth nick her lip. The alcohol in her system makes her feel lightheaded, confident. No way would she have managed this sober. Adora tastes better than she does, sweet like blueberry soju. Catra's hands wander down further, pulling the strings to untie the back of her dress-
'Catra stop!' Adora suddenly shouts, striking Catra across the cheek in a deafening slap .
Adora's eyes were blazing, almost teary in the dark. Her breathing was irregular, panting in and out. Catra stills, clutching her cheek. The look in her eyes sobered her immediately.
Adora looks down at her palm, realizing what she just did. 'Sorry for hitting you!' She flounders. 'It's just that, you're only doing this because you’re drunk and upset, right?’
Catra just stares at her before climbing off. Cold realization settles as the fog in her brain clears. 'You're right. Forget it.'
She sits on the edge of the bed, numbly watching Adora hurriedly trying to re-tie the back of her now wrinkled dress. Her lips are stained with Catra’s red lipstick. Adora catches her looking, and she quickly turns away to smooth down her hair with her fingers. 'You've had more than enough to drink tonight. I’ll get you some water to clear your head.’
She gets up to turn on the light switch, and Catra blinks in the harsh light from the chandeliers.
‘Come on, let’s get you sobered up, okay?’ Adora leads her to the kitchen on the same floor, gingerly placing her friend on the slippery bar stool.
The blonde goes to get the chilled jug of infused water from the fridge and pours it into a glass. Adora slides it across the island, and Catra reluctantly takes it. She sips at it, mint and lemon on her tongue. It tasted way better than her hose water.
‘I’ll uh, pick out some groceries for you since we’re here and all.’ Adora says awkwardly into the silence, turning around to rummage through her pantry.
Suddenly Catra is brought back to the whole reason why she was sitting here in this oversized mansion in the first place. Their friendship agreement. The one she had just violated. Catra had never felt more stupid to mistake Adora’s kindness and guilt for actual feelings. She felt like a charity case, waiting to collect food from the soup kitchen.
Of course Adora didn't like her back. She just saw her as someone needing to be saved. The product of survival guilt. Catra wanted to whack her head on the corner of her marbled countertop and not wake up.
Adora takes out a green plastic bag, and starts filling it with everything and anything she can get. Cans, pasta, biscuits, fruits and vegetables. Actually this feeling was more like being one of those poor kids that white girls would pose next to for their Instagram after their trip to Africa.
Did Adora have fun, volunteering to slum it up in her place while she returned here? All she ever wanted her entire life was to be Adora’s equal.
Scorpia and Sea Hawk's loud laughter and DJ music can be heard downstairs in the garden, beyond the tall golden trimmed windows. The class difference between them stretched like an unfathomable canyon. Living the classy bougie dream until the clock struck midnight and she was back in her run down garage. Except soon she won’t even have that anymore. Why did Adora have to bring her here? It was almost cruel.
Catra's suddenly overcome with the urge to vomit. She nearly falls off the high chair in her rush to throw up the unholy cocktail of alcohol into the sink. Tears bead in her eyes from the sour taste as she continues to vomit out everything she ate that night. She can feel Adora by her side, patting her back reassuringly.
It was by far the worst birthday she has ever had.
--
The morning of, Catra woke up in Adora’s bed with a splitting headache.
Unfortunately she was not given the gift of amnesia, as she vividly remembered every last excruciating detail about last night.
She spots Adora’s mop of blonde hair under a blanket on the floor, even though there were a billion other free spare rooms to sleep in. Adora was probably too afraid to share the same bed as her now.
Catra’s borrowed crop top digs uncomfortably into her skin, and she angrily flings it off her body. The shorts stick to her like a second skin, smelling of tequila. She grabs her old Burger King uniform and puts it on, though even this didn’t belong to her now.
Adora shifts in her sleep, and Catra lightly steps over her to get to the door. The last thing she wanted was for Adora to wake up.
As soon as she’s out, she runs out to the elevator and bangs frantically on the buttons until it sends her to the bottom floor. The lift opens with a ding and in her haste she almost crashes headfirst into Glimmer.
‘Oh hey! Are you going to work?’ Glimmer greets. She was in her silk pajamas and slippers, holding a glass of orange juice.
‘Uh. Yeah.’ Catra lies, trying her best to look natural.
‘Some party last night huh? Lucky today is a Saturday.’ Glimmer says conversationally, unaware of Catra’s urge to throw her across the room. ‘Hey, what happened to your cheek?’
Catra clutches her face, it still strung from where Adora struck her. ‘Nothing.’
Glimmer raises an eyebrow. ‘Well anyway, did you wanna stick around for breakfast? The cooks made pancakes, bacon, eggs, the whole deal.' She peeks behind Catra. 'Is Adora still not up yet?’
As much as Catra wanted to scream get out of my way she schools her expression to her best customer service smile. ‘Nope she’s still sleeping it off. Anyway I’m gonna be late so I can’t stick around.’
‘Did you need a lift?’ Glimmer asks. It dawns on the brunette she couldn’t exactly run the entire way back home. ‘I’ll ask one of the drivers to take you back so you make it to your shift.’
Catra thanks her lucky stars that Glimmer was still too hungover to drive her. She wouldn’t have been able to dodge her questions if she had.
‘Yes please.’ Catra says, giddy with relief. ‘Thank you.’
‘Ooh and before I forget, Adora told me last night to give you this.’ Glimmer says, grabbing the green bag of groceries off the counter. The shorter girl bundles it into Catra’s arms before she can object.
‘Get home safe.’ She says, waving as the attendant leads her out the door.
Catra looks down at the cans of food in her arms and doesn’t say anything.
------
The days leading up to graduation were painful, to say the least.
They more or less pretend the kiss didn't happen. Adora never brings it up, and neither does Catra.
She would stare at the ceiling, wishing she had never gotten piss drunk at her birthday and kissed her. Adora was right, she did regret it. It was awful, the look on Adora's face when she slapped Catra replays in her mind and nightmares over and over again. It was mortifying.
Adora still messages her every 3 days, and Catra still replies, though her words are empty and devoid of banter. I'm worried about you, she says. I'm fine , Catra always responds.
The brunette continues to humour her to keep the peace, only shutting down when her old job was mentioned. Catra doesn’t allow Adora back into her home again.
Sometimes they study together, but she can't concentrate when Adora wears her glasses. Her heart hurts, so she cradles her cheek and tries not to remember.
The hickey she had branded Adora's neck with had been covered with foundation until it faded away. None of her friends had teased her about it, so she clearly had not told a single soul what had happened.
Catra bites at the scab on her lip from where Adora’s teeth nicked her until it bleeds. She wants to apologize, but the words stick on her tongue and she can't bring herself to talk about that night.
Catra knew Adora was only here by her side to alleviate her guilt. Shame buries itself under her skin every time she's near her, like she was too embarrassed to even exist in the same space as Adora. She wants to disappear.
Exams are hard, and without an internet connection after the library closes at 6pm made it difficult to study. In her heart she knew she wasn't going to come out on top. Her ranking had slipped, she wasn't even at second place anymore. Rent was due at the end of the month, and without her Burger King wage she knew she'll be kicked out sooner than later.
Catra felt stressed and self destructive, and the only thing that kept her from falling off the edge completely was Scorpia. As much as she hated depending on others, she'd much rather her old coworker than Adora.
Her classmates seemed to like this new, muted down version of Catra who didn't argue and just stayed quiet most of the time. Fighting back was too difficult when all she wanted to do was blend into the wallpaper. All they talked about was where they were going for vacation after graduation, and Catra certainly had nothing to contribute to that conversation.
She felt like crying, all the time. It was agony, wanting to burst out into tears randomly while she sat wasting away in the student council room. Despite herself, she missed Burger King, and she just kept getting ghosted or rejected in her other job applications. Sometimes when she really wanted to indulge herself, she'd go cry silently in the school toilet stall.
Glimmer notices the change, and she catches her glaring. 'You don't seem as alive lately. Your eye bags are huge.'
'S'fine.' Catra replies, hiding her hands so she doesn't see how they shake. Honestly Catra couldn't remember the last time she slept.
'Pfft, don't lie to me. Adora's worried about you. You're getting skinnier, and your eyes are always raw. All you do is stare into space.'
Catra bites down on her nails. Of course she knew that. But she's gone through this before, and she'll do it again.
'What happened between you two?’
‘None of your business.’ Catra replies, shuffling her way to the hall.
--
Their graduation ceremony starts off uneventfully. Every student’s parents except Catra’s sit proudly in the audience, eager to watch their kid graduate. One by one they receive their certificate and return to their seats.
Adora and Catra stand side by side onstage, as Adora makes their final speech as School Captain. Through the blinding lights, she sees Angella waving proudly at her adoptive daughter in the crowd.
Catra looks at Adora in the corner of her eye. She must look pathetic, lovesick and pining after someone she couldn’t have.
‘It’s been such an honour serving the entire faculty and students of this school. I couldn’t have done it without my amazing Vice-Captain and all of my prefects. Now I’m proud to hand over my badge to the next School Captain, Frosta.’
They go through the rest of the ceremony like that, each member of the student council handing their badges to their successors.
Soon their Principal comes up to the podium, tapping it once and clearing her throat.
‘Announcing our honor student, and the winner of the scholarship to Eternia University…’ Castaspella says, turning over the sign card.
‘None other than our school captain, Adora!’
Everyone starts clapping, and Adora walks across the stage to shake Castaspella's hand.
Sounded about right. Catra never won against Adora in her entire life. She had already expected this outcome. Like a game of cat and mouse, going over and over for all eternity.
Adora would excel with her elite education and secure a well paying job. Catra would struggle at the bottom indefinitely, never amounting to anything. She never would, if Adora was still there next to her. When the blonde re-entered her life, everything she had been working towards for years just collapsed. Her job, her home, her School Captain status, her chance at the scholarship, her sanity.
She had to be wiped clean. A fresh start.
The flower petals were falling, the streets decorated with a vibrant pink. The other students mill out of the crowd with their parents, chatting excitedly about what was next in their futures. She waits for Adora underneath a tree.
'Congratulations.' Catra says, when she finally spots the other girl in the crowd. Adora pulls away from Angella’s embrace to meet her.
'You deserve this so much more than I do.' Adora says, her voice pained like she didn't just win a full ride to her dream university. 'You should take it.'
'It's in your name, silly.' Catra replies, lightly tapping her with her rolled up certificate.
'Besides, I knew you'd get into Eternia, so I never applied.'
Adora blinks dumbly. '...What? Aren’t we going to the same university?’
She always was a bit slow on the uptake. ‘Only you decided that, stuupid. Say, it's about time we ended this right?'
‘Catra, what are you...'
'Our deal. You don't need to feel guilty anymore or bring me anything.' Catra says, her voice sounding like it didn't belong to her. She rummages in her bag, bringing out Adora's spare varsity jacket that she hadn’t returned. 'Here, take this. Thank you for all the help.'
'What do you mean? You want to stop being friends?' Adora says in disbelief, taking the jacket.
Catra nods. ‘I can’t continue with the arrangement. I hope you understand.’
‘I don’t! Was I the only one who thought we were friends, real ones?’ Adora asks.
‘...That’s right. I never saw you as a friend. You were just a meal ticket to me. Are you happy now?’ Catra snaps back. Shit, that wasn’t what she meant to say. She had planned to end this quickly and painlessly, on a high note. Trust Adora to put up a fight.
Something seems to click in Adora’s brain. ‘Is this about the night of the party?’
‘Figure that out yourself.’ Catra replies, turning to walk away.
Adora grabs onto her arm. ‘Wait! If- if that’s what you want, I’ll give it! Just don't go!'
This dumb blonde really was offering up her body, out of what? A sense of duty? How stupid.
‘Is that right?’ Catra says, walking closer to her. Adora backs up until she is pinned to the tree. They’re face to face now.
‘Can you really do this?’ Catra lifts Adora’s chin by a finger.
Finally it seems to dawn on Adora exactly what Catra wanted. She swallows, biting her lip.
There’s a flicker of hesitation, before Adora’s eyes squeeze shut defiantly. The blonde is shaking like a leaf, her breath coming out in panicked stutters from her pursed lips.
Catra just stares at Adora’s scrunched up face impassively. Her scared reaction was the only confirmation she needed for closure.
She flicks the other girl’s forehead, and her big blue eyes open in confusion.
‘Chill out, I’m not that evil to do it to someone so unwilling.’
Adora blinks, clutching her forehead. ‘Catra?’
Suddenly Angella’s voice cuts through their conversation from the car park. ‘Adora dear, are you done chatting with your friend? We have reservations!'
‘Um, I…’ Her old school captain opens her mouth to say something, but Angella's started to lose her patience. 'Adora, how long are you going to stand there? Glimmer is already waiting for us at the restaurant!'
Catra just smiles tiredly. ‘Take care, dummy.’
She watches Adora being dragged off unwillingly by her adoptive mother to the car.
Catra lets out a sigh. Her phone pings with a message from Scorpia, and she knows it's time to go.
---
By the time Angella releases her from their graduation celebration, Adora can feel that it's already too late.
Adora:
Please, can we talk? Let me fix this
A pop up appears over the screen.
Message Not Sent
This person isn't receiving messages at this time.
Adora sends another message, but they all go undelivered. Catra had blocked her again. Panic spikes through her veins, and she quickly dons on a jacket and grabs her car keys.
She sneaks out that night, down the familiar winding path through the bush that led to Catra's place.
'Catra?' She rolls up the garage door, blinking in the darkness. When her eyes adjusted, she found Catra's old home completely emptied.
All the furniture and items her friend had collected over the years, they were all gone. The little stove where they cooked, the old mattress where they talked late into the night, all vanished like they were never there.
A single green plastic bag remained on the floor untouched, filled to the brim of food.
catra working at BK fanart:
https://twitter.com/huetrooper/status/1265188930741080064
https://twitter.com/quackelroys/status/1271199987540668416?s=20
https://mcatra.tumblr.com/post/620493235561824256/your-catra-works-at-burger-king-fic-is-great-you
pt1, pt 2
Catra was currently studying in the library, trying to work her way through a math problem.
Her place didn't have internet, so she usually alternated between the school wifi, the public library, and Burger King. Lonnie usually let her study in the break room when the libraries closed up.
Her phone pings with a message, obviously from Adora.
Catra picks up her phone and unlocks it, eyebrow raising when she sees the message.
Adora:
Wyd?
Catra sighs. Of course that airheaded jock texted like a frat boy. As much as she wanted to leave her on read, a deal was a deal.
Catra:
Studying.
Adora:
So diligent! You're so cool, Catra :)
Adora:
I'm weightlifting right now! Gotta work off all those BK calories 💪
Great, maybe she will leave her alone to go do her workout.
Adora:
[image.attachment]
Catra almost drops her phone when she sees the photo Adora sent. It was a shot of her by the mirror, and she was flexing with a dumbbell. She was wearing a black crop top, which framed her abs perfectly.
What was she doing, getting flustered over what, a gym rat photo that looked like it belonged on a Tinder profile?
After much gay panic and debate, Catra takes a photo of herself with her middle finger up to the camera. She taps ‘send’ angrily.
Catra:
[image.attachment] 🖕
She doesn't get a response for a few minutes, which was odd. Usually Adora typed back at the speed of lightning.
Ping.
Adora:
wow Ur rlly hot
Catra looks at the text, slack jawed. What the hell?
Adora:
Oh my god I am so sorry. That was Glimmer, she took my phone.
Catra could almost scream, but she was in a public library. She settles for furiously chewing her out, sharp nails flying over the keyboard.
Catra:
Plz make Ur excuses more believable. It's so unoriginal I can't even post this on r/OopsDidntMeanTo.
Adora:
I really didn't mean to 🥺
Adora:
I mean
Adora:
Glimmer didn't mean to
God, Adora was so stupid. Yet here Catra was, blushing like a fool. When she doesn’t answer for a while, her phone starts pinging again with notifications.
>Adora liked your photo
>Adora liked your status
>Adora reacted to your comment
>Adora liked your photo
It goes on for another 23 times and Catra scrolls through it, dumbfounded. Unblocking her was a mistake.
----
As promised, Adora would visit her garage when her shifts were over bringing groceries. In exchange Catra would cook, as it seemed like Adora would burn water if she tried.
It started off as a weekly thing, but in a true Adora-like fashion it ended up like this everyday. They would talk for hours, catching up on their lost years together.
Adora talked about all sorts of things, like how hard it was adjusting to the soft beds at first and how she requested a hard one. She told her about the contents of the letters she would send to Catra that never went received. Catra just listened, gratified to hear that Adora missed her in their time apart even half as much as she did.
They would sing the little songs they invented back when they were kids and make up whole new ones as they waited for the food. Adora even started learning how to cook after watching Catra, and she would barge in uninvited with new recipes. The food tasted better with company, and Adora took great pleasure in piling her seconds.
Catra would show her the local dumpster and they would go scavenging for items they needed. She taught her how to repair the things they found using Youtube tutorials, and how to disinfect them. It was fun watching Adora try to haggle for prices at the market, or her face when she realized she had to use the outhouse to go to the bathroom at Catra’s.
Days bleed into months, their easygoing friendship making Catra feel at peace for the first time in forever.
Right now they were currently in their trial exam period, which functioned both as practice for their final exams and half of their final marks. They were sitting in the library, chatting about their future majors.
Catra taps a pencil to her chin. ‘Let me guess, you want to do art. No, art history.’
‘Political science, actually! Did you know Eternia University has the number one ranked Political Science course in the entire country?' Adora says, flipping through the uni coursebook.
'Wao, future leader of the free world huh? That's kinda hot.' Catra teases, while Adora swats her in embarrassment.
'What about you?'
'Double degree of Law and Social Work.' Catra replies. 'Cliche I know. But I just want to be in a position where I can sue the shit out of Shadow Weaver. The system is corrupt, and there's thousands of kids being abused.'
'Wow, you're so cool Catra.' Adora says in awe. 'You're so smart, you'd definitely get in.'
'Damn right.' She scoffs, crossing her arms.
'You're gonna love Eternia. I went to their open day, the campus is gorgeous. Oh my gosh we could dorm together!'
'Gross, who'd want to be your roommate?'
'You would.'
'Ew, you're so full of yourself. Anyway get off me, I have work soon and I need to get changed.'
'Ah yes, the cute Burger King apron. I never get tired of it.'
They would always flirt back and forth like this, but nothing ever came out of it.
With her friendship came the feelings that she had repressed long ago, unknotting and resurfacing like they had never gone at all. However she had no idea if Adora even liked her in that way, given how affectionate she was with Bow and Glimmer. She was popular with boys and girls alike, but she never dated anyone. Catra never dared to ask.
Once Adora had fallen asleep in Catra's bed, and the brunette had woken up to the other girls arm around her and their feet tangled together. It reminded her of when they shared the bed as kids, but now they were grown up and this kind of thing didn't have an innocent meaning anymore. Having her there made her heart race and her palms sweaty.
She had wanted to kiss her then. She wanted to kiss her now. Catra wanted every single morning to end up like that.
--
Adora:
Your birthday is soon! Did you want anything?
You, Catra thinks, like a huge sap.
Catra:
My sanity back.
Adora:
Oh my gosh, we could throw you a party at my place! You’re turning 18 right? We could go out drinking! Angella has this amazing vintage wine collection and I could make cocktails!
Catra receives another wall of text, basically planning the entirety of this birthday party with Bow being the DJ and how Glimmer could make these buns that were to die for. Adora starts going through the entire party guest list until she has to cut in.
Catra:
lol calm down
Adora:
Does this mean Ur on board? 🎉
Catra:
yes fine since you won't shut up about it
Adora:
AAAAAAAH YOU'RE THE BEST!!!!!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️ U WILL NOT REGRET THIS
DW I WILL PLAN EVERYTHING <3333
💗💖💖😻
The excessive amount of heart emojis make Catra grin dumbly into her palm.
She's glad they're not video chatting, or Adora would've already taken a screenshot.
---
It’s the day of her 18th birthday, and she’s nearing the end of her shift. The best friend squad were waiting for her at their usual table so they could give her a ride.
‘Hey Catra. Can I speak to you out back?’ Lonnie asks, gesturing outside.
What the heck, did she do something wrong? It’s been pretty peaceful as of late, and Catra tries to remember if she had done anything to Kyle recently. She nods, chucking her apron at the back as she tries not to notice Adora’s eyes following her.
Catra goes out to the back of the store, the night air nipping at her shoulders. Lonnie waits for her there, biting her lip.
‘What’s up? Don’t tell me you’re giving me a raise.’ Catra jokes.
Lonnie looks conflicted, and she takes a big breath.
‘I’m sorry but our store isn’t doing so well. I know you’re turning 18, and that means we can’t afford to keep you on anymore.’
‘What…’
Catra felt numb, like she wasn’t really there in the back alley with Lonnie. It felt like an out of body experience. She could only stare at her, betrayed.
Like Lonnie could read her mind, she tries to correct herself. ‘It wasn’t my decision, it was Octavia’s.’
Of course it was. Her regional manager was the reason she could never just swipe food while she was working. Octavia never liked her, she always reviewed the security cameras and told her off for goofing around. She must’ve known the door incident was on Catra’s shift, and what really happened despite Adora’s cover up. This ‘layoff’ was just an excuse to get rid of her from a financial standpoint.
‘Thank you for all your hard work over these past 3 years. I know you’re going through a rough time, so we will of course give you a recommendation.’
Catra just nods.
She returns to her shift, robotically going through the motions. Catra doesn’t even say anything sassy when Adora asks for a burger with no patty and no onions and no sauce, only cheese on bread.
The lack of a clever comeback to their gag routine has Adora concerned. ‘Are you okay?’
Of course she wasn’t. How could she be? She was going to have to vacate her garage space, not like she had anywhere to put her furniture in. What the hell was she going to do?
‘I’m fine.’ She says, even though tears were threatening to burn a hole in the back of her eyelids. ‘Just...rough day.’
‘It’s your birthday! The party will cheer you up.’ Bow says brightly. ‘I have the sickest playlist of all time, you're gonna love it.'
'My mum isn’t home so we have free reign over the entire house! Come on girl, let's get you changed!' Glimmer crows, too excited about the party to pick up on Catra's mood. 'Makeover time!!'
The two of them force her into Glimmer's Mercedes, on their way to buy every alcohol imaginable from the bottle shop before they go to her house.
The last thing Catra wanted to do was play dress up or even go to her party, but Adora had planned for so long for this. It would definitely ruin the entire night if she refused to go.
Out of all the times they had hung out, she’s never been to Adora’s house. She leans her head against the window when they drive into the fancy part of town, by the lakeside with the multi-million dollar yachts parked in the water.
That still doesn't prepare Catra for when security lets them in through the black gates to the biggest mansion she’s ever seen. There were fountains, perfectly manicured lawns, a tennis court, and was that a helicopter pad?!
It was incredible, Catra could only walk in a daze with her jaw dropped on their polished marble floors. So Glimmer was rich, rich. No wonder she was put out that Adora had her 18th birthday at Burger King.
Catra looks at Adora with a dumbfounded expression, and the blonde looks almost embarrassed when they have to get into an elevator to go to her room.
Glimmer picks out a hybrid of clothes from her and Adora's closets. The walk-in wardrobe is huge, like a department store full of designer clothes, shoes, jewellery and bags.
Her wardrobe alone is the size of Catra's home. The brunette suddenly understands why Adora cried upon seeing her concrete garage space. Looking at it, she wanted to cry too.
Glimmer sets her down on her huge poster bed as she brings out a checkered crop top, ripped black garter shorts and an expensive looking black leather jacket with a gold trim. While Catra reluctantly gets changed, Glimmer picks out a pair of black strappy heeled boots and a hair straightener to battle the bush on Catra’s head.
She sits still while Glimmer goes to work on her face, bringing out an entire Sephora’s worth of makeup. When Catra looks in the vanity mirror, she almost doesn’t recognize herself. Her eyes were framed with false eyelashes, a swooping cateye, smokey eyeshadow, sharp contour and her lips were now cherry red with bold lipstick. Glimmer applies the finishing touches with silver rings and clip on piercings.
She hears Adora inhale with shock from the staircase in her bedroom.
‘Catra you look incredible!’ She gasps. Adora was wearing this cute backless white dress tied with strings, short enough that it cropped above her knees. She was wearing sparkly wedges to go with it, and her hair was curled instead of her usual ponytail. Her delicate gold sword necklace frames her collarbones.
Catra’s throat goes dry. ‘Uh- You too.’
Glimmer smirks, satisfied with her work. She gets changed into her own outfit, a short purple tulle lace dress with a white fur trim and a cute Gucci clutch to accompany it. The pink haired girl spritzes them all with her various floral and sea spray scented perfumes before they head back downstairs.
‘Wow you guys look amazing!’ Scorpia marvels, and Adora’s friends voice their approval as well.
‘Gosh this place is crazy.’ Scorpia whispers to Catra. ‘Did you see their pool? We should’ve just held the swimming carnival here!’
Catra opens her mouth to tell her how Lonnie had let her go, but Sea Hawk’s booming voice interrupts them.
'I challenge you to the ultimate game of BEER PONG!' Sea Hawk announces, spinning the ball on his fingertips.
Of course this gets everyone's competitive spirit going, and everyone gets into pairs.
After a few drinks Catra has almost forgotten what she was worrying about earlier, too focused on the buzz. Her and Adora demolish the other teams by a landslide with their impeccable aim.
Soon the attendants came out with dinner, and it was lavish with every food you could imagine. Lobster, kobe beef, hor d'oeuvres, beluga caviar, kale, and opulent ice cream were all among the plates of food on the table.
They bring out a massive 3 tiered truffle cake, the words 'Happy Birthday' written with an oddly crude drawing of Catra.
'You drew this?' She asks, and Adora nods happily. 'You worked so hard on mine, so.' Catra doesn’t have the heart to tell her that the cake was $7 and the drawing of her forehead was meant as an insult.
They sing the birthday song for her, and this time no one brings up the cake cutting tradition.
After dinner they sit outside in the garden around the bonfire Sea Hawk had made. He was drunkenly singing a loud shanty while Bow piled in the wood, fanning the flames. Frosta sips on a mocktail, the only one there who wasn’t old enough to drink yet. The fire flickers and dances, casting shadows around them.
Catra downs a few more cocktails and jello shots as she waits for Mermista to light up some fireworks. Apparently it was illegal, but Mermista just waved her off, telling her that she’ll just pay the penalty fee as Catra’s birthday gift. Sea Hawk really did rub off on her.
When she successfully sets them off they light up the sky in dazzling multicoloured sparks. Adora’s friends whoop with glee, taking photos and videos to commemorate the moment.
Adora's side profile is lit up in the dark, and she looks impossibly beautiful among the backdrop of stars. Longing tears at her chest, Catra wants to hold her hand but her throat feels too tight and she can’t move. The truth was that she knew she had always had feelings for Adora, even back when they were just kids back in the foster home. But like a coward, she could never voice them for fear of Adora leaving her side.
A loud neighing can be heard from the stables in response to the loud booming noises from the fireworks.
'Swifty!' Adora says, standing up. The moment's breaks and Catra reels back her hand. 'Stay here, I'll be right back.'
Her chance disappears, she couldn’t say it after all. She watches her go tend to her horse, feeling stupid.
‘Yoohoo~, want a rematch?’ Sea Hawk calls out from the patio, pouring vodka into tiny glasses.
‘Don’t mind if I do.’ Catra replies. She definitely didn’t know her alcohol tolerance levels yet, so it was the perfect time to take that to the test.
Catra confidently does a whole line of shots, determined to drink herself into unconsciousness. Every time she sees a flash of Lonnie or Adora’s face in her mind, she takes another swig. Everyone is cheering her on, screaming the song ‘Shots’ over and over again, also all drunk out of their minds. Sea Hawk taps out at the 5th drink, and everyone screams at Catra’s flawless victory. Scorpia lifts her into the air to do a victory lap, cheering.
Adora finally makes an appearance, alerted by the sound of Catra's shrieky laughter as Scorpia swings her around.
‘Don’t worry, I can take it from here.’ Her school captain says pulling Catra away from her friend. Scorpia just shrugs and makes her way to the food table.
‘Catra, maybe you should slow down.’ Adora tells the giggling girl in her arms.
‘Noo way.’ She slurs, she was enjoying the feeling too much, the alcohol burning through her body, making her feel lightheaded. The light up disco dancefloor starts to blur into a kaleidoscope of colours.
‘You got some weed?’ Catra asks, seeing Perfuma light a bowl. The taller girl hands her an already rolled up one and Catra snatches it to take a long drag. The smoke hits her lungs and she starts coughing.
‘Oi Perfuma, why did you bring drugs? Angella will kill me!' Adora gripes, trying to wrestle the blunt away from Catra.
‘Aw don't be like that! I made some edibles for you guys to try.’ Perfuma says cheerfully, pointing to the pot brownies.
‘See? Scorpia likes them.’ She gestures at the other girl, who seemed to be currently tripping out of her mind and eating everything on the table.
Catra goes to reach for one, but Adora grabs her by the wrist to lead her back inside. 'Alright, you're done for the night. Everyone say bye!'
‘Byee Catra!’
‘Happy birthday!!’
Adora grabs her by the waist to lead her to her bedroom, Catra wobbling after her in the heels Glimmer lent her.
'Ugh Adoraaa, don't be such a party pooper. I'm fine.' She moans, leaning heavily on the other girl.
'Don't you have a shift tomorrow afternoon? I don't want you getting hungover or drug tested.' Adora chides, rummaging around the dark for the light switch.
Catra snorts. 'Oh you don't have to worry about that anymore. Got laid off.'
Adora looks at her in confusion, until realization dawns on her. 'Wait, is that why Lonnie took you outside?'
'Say, I never got to give you your birthday gift.' Catra pushes her hair back, voice sultry as she flings off her jacket. She never pinned herself down as a horny drunk, but here they were. Catra shoves Adora onto the bed, straddling her. Her golden hair spills over the mattress, soft like spun silk.
'You still want that kiss?' Catra whispers in Adora's now burning red ear. 'My knife touched the bottom.'
Adora's face now resembled a fire truck, mouth gaping in shock.
'C-Catra, I…'
Catra presses their lips together, silencing her. She knows she probably tastes like alcohol and weed right now, but she couldn't care less in the moment. Adora's mouth is still slack jawed from mortification, so she takes the opportunity for tongue. She frowns and moves down to her neck when Adora doesn’t return the kiss.
'Catra, what are you doing-'
Catra bites down on Adora's nape. The blonde underneath her lets out a soft gasp, arching her back. Her gold manicured nails dig into her shoulder.
'Stop, you're not thinking straight-!'
'Sure ain't.' Catra grins, licking a stripe down the base of her neck. Adora’s necklace chain jingles with the movement. There was now an impressive hickey there, blooming violet on her pale skin. She pauses to admire her handiwork.
'This isn't you talking, you'll, you'll regret this in the morning.' Adora stutters. She's shivering, their hands now laced together, silver rings clanking.
'I know. I don't care.' She replies, kissing her again. Adora's teeth nick her lip. The alcohol in her system makes her feel lightheaded, confident. No way would she have managed this sober. Adora tastes better than she does, sweet like blueberry soju. Catra's hands wander down further, pulling the strings to untie the back of her dress-
'Catra stop!' Adora suddenly shouts, striking Catra across the cheek in a deafening slap.
Adora's eyes were blazing, almost teary in the dark. Her breathing was irregular, panting in and out. Catra stills, clutching her cheek. The look in her eyes sobered her immediately.
Adora looks down at her palm, realizing what she just did. 'Sorry for hitting you!' She flounders. 'It's just that, you're only doing this because you’re drunk and upset, right?’
Catra just stares at her before climbing off. Cold realization settles as the fog in her brain clears. 'You're right. Forget it.'
She sits on the edge of the bed, numbly watching Adora hurriedly trying to re-tie the back of her now wrinkled dress. Her lips are stained with Catra’s red lipstick.
Adora catches her looking, and she quickly turns away to smooth down her hair with her fingers. 'You've had more than enough to drink tonight. I’ll get you some water to clear your head.’
She gets up to turn on the light switch, and Catra blinks in the harsh light from the chandeliers.
‘Come on, let’s get you sobered up, okay?’ Adora leads her to the kitchen on the same floor, gingerly placing her friend on the slippery bar stool.
The blonde goes to get the chilled jug of infused water from the fridge and pours it into a glass. Adora slides it across the island, and Catra reluctantly takes it. She sips at it, mint and lemon on her tongue. It tasted way better than her hose water.
‘I’ll uh, pick out some groceries for you since we’re here and all.’ Adora says awkwardly into the silence, turning around to rummage through her pantry.
Suddenly Catra is brought back to the whole reason why she was sitting here in this oversized mansion in the first place. Their friendship agreement. The one she had just violated. Catra had never felt more stupid to mistake Adora’s kindness and guilt for actual feelings. She felt like a charity case, waiting to collect food from the soup kitchen.
Of course Adora didn't like her back. She just saw her as someone needing to be saved. The product of survival guilt. Catra wanted to whack her head on the corner of her marbled countertop and not wake up.
Adora takes out a green plastic bag, and starts filling it with everything and anything she can get. Cans, pasta, biscuits, fruits and vegetables. Actually this feeling was more like being one of those poor kids that white girls would pose next to for their Instagram after their trip to Africa.
Did Adora have fun, volunteering to slum it up in her place while she returned here? All she ever wanted her entire life was to be Adora’s equal.
Scorpia and Sea Hawk's loud laughter and DJ music can be heard downstairs in the garden, beyond the tall golden trimmed windows. The class difference between them stretched like an unfathomable canyon. Living the classy bougie dream until the clock struck midnight and she was back in her run down garage. Except soon she won’t even have that anymore. Why did Adora have to bring her here? It was almost cruel.
Catra's suddenly overcome with the urge to vomit. She nearly falls off the high chair in her rush to throw up the unholy cocktail of alcohol into the sink. Tears bead in her eyes from the sour taste as she continues to vomit out everything she ate that night. She can feel Adora by her side, patting her back reassuringly.
It was by far the worst birthday she has ever had.
--
The morning of, Catra woke up in Adora’s bed with a splitting headache.
Unfortunately she was not given the gift of amnesia, as she vividly remembered every last excruciating detail about last night.
She spots Adora’s mop of blonde hair under a blanket on the floor, even though there were a billion other free spare rooms to sleep in. Adora was probably too afraid to share the same bed as her now.
Catra’s borrowed crop top digs uncomfortably into her skin, and she angrily flings it off her body. The shorts stick to her like a second skin, smelling of tequila. She grabs her old Burger King uniform and puts it on, though even this didn’t belong to her now.
Adora shifts in her sleep, and Catra lightly steps over her to get to the door. The last thing she wanted was for Adora to wake up.
As soon as she’s out, she runs out to the elevator and bangs frantically on the buttons until it sends her to the bottom floor. The lift opens with a ding and in her haste she almost crashes headfirst into Glimmer.
‘Oh hey! Are you going to work?’ Glimmer greets. She was in her silk pajamas and slippers, holding a glass of orange juice.
‘Uh. Yeah.’ Catra lies, trying her best to look natural.
‘Some party last night huh? Lucky today is a Saturday.’ Glimmer says conversationally, unaware of Catra’s urge to throw her across the room. ‘Hey, what happened to your cheek?’
Catra clutches her face, it still strung from where Adora struck her. ‘Nothing.’
Glimmer raises an eyebrow. ‘Well anyway, did you wanna stick around for breakfast? The cooks made pancakes, bacon, eggs, the whole deal.' She peeks behind Catra. 'Is Adora still not up yet?’
As much as Catra wanted to scream get out of my way she schools her expression to her best customer service smile. ‘Nope she’s still sleeping it off. Anyway I’m gonna be late so I can’t stick around.’
‘Did you need a lift?’ Glimmer asks. It dawns on the brunette she couldn’t exactly run the entire way back home. ‘I’ll ask one of the drivers to take you back so you make it to your shift.’
Catra thanks her lucky stars that Glimmer was still too hungover to drive her. She wouldn’t have been able to dodge her questions if she had.
‘Yes please.’ Catra says, giddy with relief. ‘Thank you.’
‘Ooh and before I forget, Adora told me last night to give you this.’ Glimmer says, grabbing the green bag of groceries off the counter. The shorter girl bundles it into Catra’s arms before she can object.
‘Get home safe.’ She says, waving as the attendant leads her out the door.
Catra looks down at the cans of food in her arms and doesn’t say anything.
------
The days leading up to graduation were painful, to say the least.
They more or less pretend the kiss didn't happen. Adora never brings it up, and neither does Catra.
She would stare at the ceiling, wishing she had never gotten piss drunk at her birthday and kissed her. Adora was right, she did regret it. It was awful, the look on Adora's face when she slapped Catra replays in her mind and nightmares over and over again. It was mortifying.
Adora still messages her every 3 days, and Catra still replies, though her words are empty and devoid of banter. I'm worried about you, she says. I'm fine, Catra always responds.
The brunette continues to humour her to keep the peace, only shutting down when her old job was mentioned. Catra doesn’t allow Adora back into her home again.
Sometimes they study together, but she can't concentrate when Adora wears her glasses. Her heart hurts, so she cradles her cheek and tries not to remember.
The hickey she had branded Adora's neck with had been covered with foundation until it faded away. None of her friends had teased her about it, so she clearly had not told a single soul what had happened.
Catra bites at the scab on her lip from where Adora’s teeth nicked her until it bleeds. She wants to apologize, but the words stick on her tongue and she can't bring herself to talk about that night.
Catra knew Adora was only here by her side to alleviate her guilt. Shame buries itself under her skin every time she's near her, like she was too embarrassed to even exist in the same space as Adora. She wants to disappear.
Exams are hard, and without an internet connection after the library closes at 6pm made it difficult to study. She tries to use the Mcdonald's wifi but soon just ordering a water cup wasn't enough for the workers to let her stay. It was a fruitless effort anyway, in her heart she knew she wasn't going to come out on top. Her ranking had slipped, she wasn't even at second place anymore. Rent was due at the end of the month, and without her Burger King wage she knew she'll be kicked out sooner than later.
Catra felt stressed and self destructive, and the only thing that kept her from falling off the edge completely was Scorpia. As much as she hated depending on others, she'd much rather her old coworker than Adora.
Her classmates seemed to like this new, muted down version of Catra who didn't argue and just stayed quiet most of the time. Fighting back was too difficult when all she wanted to do was blend into the wallpaper. All they talked about was where they were going for vacation after graduation, and Catra certainly had nothing to contribute to that conversation.
She felt like crying, all the time. It was agony, wanting to burst out into tears randomly while she sat wasting away in the student council room. Despite herself, she missed Burger King, and she just kept getting ghosted or rejected in her other job applications. Sometimes when she really wanted to indulge herself, she'd go cry silently in the school toilet stall.
Glimmer notices the change, and she catches her glaring. 'You don't seem as alive lately. Your eye bags are huge.'
'S'fine.' Catra replies, hiding her hands so she doesn't see how they shake. Honestly Catra couldn't remember the last time she slept.
'Pfft, don't lie to me. Adora's worried about you. You're getting skinnier, and your eyes are always raw. All you do is stare into space.'
Catra bites down on her nails. Of course she knew that. But she's gone through this before, and she'll do it again.
'What happened between you two?’
‘None of your business.’ Catra replies, shuffling her way to the hall.
--
Their graduation ceremony starts off uneventfully. Every student’s parents except Catra’s sit proudly in the audience, eager to watch their kid graduate. One by one they receive their certificate and return to their seats.
Adora and Catra stand side by side onstage, as Adora makes their final speech as School Captain. Through the blinding lights, she sees Angella waving proudly at her adoptive daughter in the crowd.
Catra looks at Adora in the corner of her eye. She must look pathetic, lovesick and pining after someone she couldn’t have.
‘It’s been such an honour serving the entire faculty and students of this school. I couldn’t have done it without my amazing Vice-Captain and all of my prefects.
Now I’m proud to hand over my badge to the next School Captain, Frosta.’
They go through the rest of the ceremony like that, each member of the student council handing their badges to their successors.
Soon their Principal comes up to the podium, tapping it once and clearing her throat.
‘Announcing our honor student, and the winner of the scholarship to Eternia University…’ Castaspella says, turning over the sign card.
‘None other than our school captain, Adora!’
Everyone starts clapping, and Adora walks across the stage to shake Castaspella's hand.
Sounded about right. Catra never won against Adora in her entire life. She had already expected this outcome. Like a game of cat and mouse, going over and over for all eternity.
Adora would excel with her elite education and secure a well paying job. Catra would struggle at the bottom indefinitely, never amounting to anything. She never would, if Adora was still there next to her. When the blonde re-entered her life, everything she had been working towards for years just collapsed. Her job, her home, her School Captain status, her chance at the scholarship, her sanity.
She had to be wiped clean. A fresh start.
The flower petals were falling, the streets decorated with a vibrant pink. The other students mill out of the crowd with their parents, chatting excitedly about what was next in their futures. She waits for Adora underneath a tree.
'Congratulations.' Catra says, when she finally spots the other girl in the crowd. Adora pulls away from Angella’s embrace to meet her.
'You deserve this so much more than I do.' Adora says, her voice pained like she didn't just win a full ride to her dream university. 'You should take it.'
'It's in your name, silly.' Catra replies, lightly tapping her with her rolled up certificate.
'Besides, I knew you'd get into Eternia, so I never applied.'
Adora blinks dumbly. '...What? Aren’t we going to the same university?’
She always was a bit slow on the uptake. ‘Only you decided that, stuupid. Say, it's about time we ended this right?'
‘Catra, what are you...'
'Our deal. You don't need to feel guilty anymore or bring me anything.' Catra says, her voice sounding like it didn't belong to her. She rummages in her bag, bringing out Adora's spare varsity jacket that she hadn’t returned. 'Here, take this. Thank you for all the help.'
'What do you mean? You want to stop being friends?' Adora says in disbelief, taking the jacket.
Catra nods. ‘I can’t continue with the arrangement. I hope you understand.’
‘I don’t! Was I the only one who thought we were friends, real ones?’ Adora asks.
‘...That’s right. I never saw you as a friend. You were just a meal ticket to me. Are you happy now?’ Catra snaps back. Shit, that wasn’t what she meant to say. She had planned to end this quickly and painlessly, on a high note. Trust Adora to put up a fight.
Something seems to click in Adora’s brain. ‘Is this about the night of the party?’
‘Figure that out yourself.’ Catra replies, turning to walk away.
Adora grabs onto her arm. ‘Wait! If- if that’s what you want, I’ll give it! Just don't go!'
This dumb blonde really was offering up her body, out of what? A sense of duty? How stupid.
‘Is that right?’ Catra says, walking closer to her. Adora backs up until she is pinned to the tree. They’re face to face now.
‘Can you really do this?’ Catra lifts Adora’s chin by a finger.
Finally it seems to dawn on Adora exactly what Catra wanted. She swallows, biting her lip.
There’s a flicker of hesitation, before Adora’s eyes squeeze shut defiantly. The blonde is shaking like a leaf, her breath coming out in panicked stutters from her pursed lips.
Catra just stares at Adora’s scrunched up face impassively. Her scared reaction was the only confirmation she needed for closure.
She flicks the other girl’s forehead, and her big blue eyes open in confusion.
‘Chill out, I’m not that evil to do it to someone so unwilling.’
Adora blinks, clutching her forehead. ‘Catra?’
Suddenly Angella’s voice cuts through their conversation from the car park. ‘Adora dear, are you done chatting with your friend? We have reservations!'
‘Um, I…’ Her old school captain opens her mouth to say something, but Angella's started to lose her patience. 'Adora, how long are you going to stand there? Glimmer is already waiting for us at the restaurant!'
Catra just smiles tiredly. ‘Take care, dummy.’
She watches Adora being dragged off unwillingly by her adoptive mother to the car.
Catra lets out a sigh. Her phone pings with a message from Scorpia, and she knows it's time to go.
---
By the time Angella releases her from their graduation celebration, Adora can feel that it's already too late.
Adora:
Please, can we talk? Let me fix this
A pop up appears over the screen.
Message Not Sent
This person isn't receiving messages at this time.
Adora sends another message, but they all go undelivered. Catra had blocked her again. Panic spikes through her veins, and she quickly dons on a jacket and grabs her car keys.
She sneaks out that night, down the familiar winding path through the bush that led to Catra's place.
'Catra?' She rolls up the garage door, blinking in the darkness. When her eyes adjusted, she found Catra's old home completely emptied.
All the furniture and items her friend had collected over the years, they were all gone. The little stove where they cooked, the old mattress where they talked late into the night, all vanished like they were never there.
A single green plastic bag remained on the floor untouched, filled to the brim of food.
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Headcanons of Tabe, Setsuno and Hojo with a male!college!s/o that looks like a high school girl? (Fluffy plz) I love your blog so much!! Sorry for my bad english and if that looked strange (Do if you just feel comfortable) ♡
// Nah, your English is fine. //
Tabe
Tabe honestly wouldn’t automatically assume that you’re a girl or be surprised when you mention being a boy.
He probably starts hanging around you just because he thinks you’re cute.
Tabe likes to watch you work from a distance. He’s really obvious though, so you’ll probably notice him staring.
He admires how hard you work for your classes, and brings it up to Hojo and Setsuno at least once a day.
You’re a little caught off guard when Setsuno asks you point blank if you’re into guys. You stutter out a “yes”, and he just says “good” and walks away.
Tabe comes up to you the next day to offer you food and talk about school, per advice of his friends, who probably have a camera somewhere, tbh.
He hangs out close to you after that, always bringing you snacks and offering help with classes (he’ll try to give you advice even if he has no idea what he’s talking about).
Basically, he’s a sweet little puppy who’ll bring you food, calm you down when you’re stressed, and attack anyone who offends you.
Setsuno
Ngl, he probably thinks you’re a girl at first. He also wonders how someone as young as you got into the Yakuza in the first place.
Setsuno is too shy to talk to you though, so he just watches you from afar.
When he does gain the courage to approach you, he makes a comment about how strong a “pretty, young girl” like you must be to hold your own against everyone else, and he’s absolutely mortified when you correct him.
Setsuno avoids you after that, and gets anxious at the mere mention of your name. You’re going to have to track him down to reassure him that it was an honest mistake, and you’ve had people be a lot less apologetic about making it.
He still feels bad and offers to help you with classwork (or anything else) to make up for it.
At that point, you’ll have to ignore the fact that he called you “pretty” and “strong” and probably came over to flirt with you, or he might die of embarrassment.
Hojo
Hojo doesn’t make any assumptions on your gender, but he does guess, correctly, that you’re older than you look.
Doesn’t approach you much, mainly because he doesn’t really know how.
He does like being around you, though, even if it’s just in the same area of the base.
Hojo often overhears your conversations with people. This is how he finds out that you’re a boy.
He also discovers what you’re studying and which classes you’re having trouble with.
Hojo will study up on anything you need help with so he has an excuse to start interacting with you more.
He’s still a little awkward because he’s not used to making polite conversation with people, but he’ll make an effort to be friendly to you.
Honestly, he just wants to be helpful and make you happy.
(￣▽￣*)ゞ
**The Ouran High School Host Club has entered the chat**
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I don't think it's cancel culture in regards to what happened to Lindsey Ellis. She still has her audience and is still able to have a platform. She can make a comeback at any time. She just made some really insensitive tweets towards Asians in a time when Asian hate is really prominent in the West. Lots of people are kind of touchy about anti-Asian racism/hate atm and took her statements harder than they were meant to. If you want to see a real example of cancel culture, look no further than the Dixie Chicks or Colin Kaepernick.
As to why she was attacked by the "progressive" left, she really wasn't. You won't find many progressive left on Twitter. It's mostly the radical/woke left (there's a difference). There's also a big subsection of Twitter that just likes to start drama for the sake of drama. They aren't aligned to anything politically. They'll just attack anyone.
In regards to "cancel culture", it's mainly just people voting with their wallets. They're just telling people that they won't support things like racism. They aren't taking away the person's platform or anything. They just don't want to support them. Which is well within their rights.
Sometimes cancel culture can be good. Look at Onision or Shane Dawson. They were content creators who used their platform to groom and do inappropriate things with children/animals. Their type of behavior deserves to be called out and taking away their platform/"cancelling" them is the best way to protect their future victims and make sure that they don't profit from what was racist and pedophilic.
As a Muslim POC living in the west, I won't support a racist nor will I go out of my way and emotionally labor myself to explain why racism is bad. I have had principals tell my parents that they won't do anything to make sure I stay alive when I was 6 years old bc "my ppl shouldn't come here if they can't handle the weather." At this point, I hold no sympathy for racists and they can reap what they sow. If they get fired, I'm all for it bc then they won't be in the position to harm or even kill POC children. My parents shouldn't have to justify or explain to my teachers why their 6 year old child deserves to stay alive in school. If you aren't a POC living in the west, this kind of behavior ("cancel culture") might be hard to understand but I find that it's mostly holding ppl accountable. If they are sincere, they are welcomed back (look at Jenna Marbles). If they aren't and they are harming ppl, they should be put away so that they can't hurt others.
I don't think it's cancel culture in regards to what happened to Lindsey Ellis.
Cancel culture is not limited to trying to take away people’s jobs. You can bully, witch hunt, and viciously harass someone over and over and over again to the point of mental breakdown or mental anguish without ever getting them fired. Cancel culture is a hate mob on steroids, plain and simple. It’s kinda disturbing to me how you’re trying to minimize it.
She just made some really insensitive tweets towards Asians
Where??? How is simply comparing a movie to a similar tv show is a sign of racism??? How was that enough to instigate this ridiclous hate mob against her???
Lots of people are kind of touchy about anti-Asian racism/hate atm and took her statements harder than they were meant to.
Again, plz stop minimizing or excusing the absolutely unhinged and terrible hateful harassment she received. It’s disturbing.
As to why she was attacked by the "progressive" left, she really wasn't. You won't find many progressive left on Twitter. It's mostly the radical/woke left (there's a difference).
Lol, is there? I don’t see much difference.
There's also a big subsection of Twitter that just likes to start drama for the sake of drama. They aren't aligned to anything politically. They'll just attack anyone.
Are you for real??? She wasn’t mainly viciously attacked by random Twitter trolls. She was viciously attacked by her “own people”. That’s why she was so upset this time. She literally talked about how she was used to being attacked by the random Twitter trolls and how she always laughed them off. But she couldn’t this time because it was different. Those people aren’t trolls, they’re social justice warriors who truly believe they’re doing something moral and good.
In regards to "cancel culture", it's mainly just people voting with their wallets. They're just telling people that they won't support things like racism. They aren't taking away the person's platform or anything. They just don't want to support them. Which is well within their rights.
You know damn well that NOT what people mean when they talk about cancel culture. Plz don’t be disingenuous.
Sometimes cancel culture can be good. Look at Onision or Shane Dawson.
Again; that’s NOT what cancel culture means! Holding abusers accountable and simply stop supporting them (so they won’t literally abuse anyone else) has nothing to do with toxic cancel culture. I’ll be honest, it’s kinda gross how you’re trying to defend the toxicity of cancel culture by mentioning unrelated examples.
At this point, I hold no sympathy for racists and they can reap what they sow. If they get fired, I'm all for it
And you think I do??? I’m all for punishing racists appropriately, but I’m against this sadist, sociopathic need to immediately assume the worst about people and accuse them of vile shit without solid evidence just to justify treating them like they’re less than human.
bc then they won't be in the position to harm or even kill POC children.
Is Lindsey Ellis harming or killing POC children? No, she just made one thoughtless comment that meant no harm, and if people simply corrected her in a respectful manner then I have no doubt she’ll rethink her words and apologize. She’s done it before. So why are you justifying treating her as if she’s part of the freaking KKK?
If you aren't a POC living in the west, this kind of behavior ("cancel culture") might be hard to understand but I find that it's mostly holding ppl accountable.
I’ve read and watched enough about it to know for damn sure that it’s NOT simply about holding ppl accountable. No one is against holding wrongdoers accountable. We’re against rabid hate mobs.
If they are sincere, they are welcomed back (look at Jenna Marbles).
None of the people who canceled her welcomed her back, lol. It was only her massive and dedicated fanbase. What planet are you living in where the hate mob happily forgive and welcome back people after they express remorse???
If they aren't and they are harming ppl, they should be put away so that they can't hurt others.
Since you’re a Muslim, plz read more about how Islam deals with wrongdoers and how it's against hate mobs, and how it encourages giving people the benefit of the doubt and giving gentle, respectful advice to them if it was proven they did or said terrible things. Muslims don’t shun people unless they were active, remorseless abusers who have no intention of reform.
Your views about justice and mercy are deeply unIslamic.
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flesh stays no farther reason (3.5/6)
“Did you want me to call?” Ben asks after a minute.
“I’m glad you did.” Rey figures there’s no point not playing coy. He made the first move, after all.
-
Five times Ben looks for Rey and the one time she finds him.
-
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 1.9K
Read on AO3
A/N: hi friends! so, so sorry for the slow updates, but life is... ya know, life. plz enjoy our two space dummies bein all horny and such (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`) ♡
-
“... so I guess what I’m trying to say is... I’m sorry to be springing this on you right now.”
“Don’t be sorry! This is exciting for you guys. I’m happy for you; really.”
“It’s just been such a long time coming and we’re ready to take the next step.”
“I totally get it. I don’t want you to be sorry.”
Rose looked at Rey with worried eyes, clearly not believing her one bit. Rey tried to smile wider, but she’s pretty sure that would just make her look insane.
Rey is happy for Rose and Finn, finally taking the relationship to the next level by moving in together. It’s not like this was totally out of the blue. Her and Rey’s lease was ending soon and Rey has seen the Zillow alerts on Roses’s phone more than a few times. She shouldn’t be shocked, and really she’s not, but it’s just hard to come to terms that this is reality and not some fleeting worry.
“Finn and I can help you out for a little if you want to stay here and not get another roommate, if you want,” Rose offers. Rey takes her hand with a small smile.
“Don’t worry about me; I’ll be fine, I always am,” she says, but Rose still looks unconvinced.
“I don’t want you just to be fine; I want you to be happy, too.”
Rey sighs deeply and they just look at each other for a minute.
“I will be happy... someday.”
Rose frown lines deepen. “It’s just... you’ve been so mopey recently. That’s why I’ve been scared to tell you.”
Rey scoffed. “I haven’t been mopey. I just get- it’s the change of the seasons. My mood always shifts when the seasons do.”
A beeping from Roses phone makes both of their heads snap up.
“It’s Finn,” Rose tells her.
“Don’t keep him waiting; you two go off and have a fun night,” Rey says while getting up and grabbing Roses purse for her. Instead of taking it from her outstretched hand, Rose pulls Rey into a hug.
“You deserve to be happy, Rey, right now.” Rose whispers. With a quick peck on her cheek and a short ‘bye,’ Rey is all alone. She looks around the apartment, taking stalk of all that she has. Most of the bigger furniture is Roses, passed down from her sister, so she’d probably take those. It would leave her with a broken arm chair, a small side table, and a couple of plants. Rey sighs while picturing it, and decides that it’s a worry for another day.
Rey decided to treat herself this even, seeing as it would probably be one of the last times she could do so if she were to take on all the rent. So she orders her favorite take out, rents the movie she’s been wanting to see for a while, and veges out in her pajamas for the rest of the evening.
-
Captain America has just fought himself and commented on his peachy ass when her phone rings. It’s not entirely unusual for her to get a call this late, but it is cause for some concern. When she looks down at the caller ID, a shock runs though her spine. She immediately picks up.
“Hello?” She asks.
“Hi.”
His voice is tired. She can tell that from just one syllable. He sounds far away and that makes her chest ache for some reason.
“Is everything okay?” She says, unable to keep the worry from her voice.
“Yeah; is everything okay with you?” He questions right back.
“Yeah, I was just... not expecting you to call. It made me nervous.” She tells him.
“Did you want me to call?” Ben asks after a minute.
“I’m glad you did.” Rey figures there’s no point not playing coy. He made the first move, after all.
“Good.” She thinks if Ben were in front of her, she’d see his mouth twitch, his give-away that he’s pleased.
“So... why did you call?”
“To be honest... I’m not sure. I just got back from work and I wanted to hear your voice..”
Rey glances at the clock on her bedside table. “You just got off work? Ben, it’s like midnight!”
“It’s only midnight there? That’s good. It’s nearly 3 where I am,” He says.
“Ben...” Her voice is soft, and she can’t keep the sound of disapproval out of it.
“I know, I know,” he brushes her off. “How was your day?”
She hums. “Eh... not terrible. Work was okay, but...” she trails off.
“Did something happen?”
“My roommate decided to move in with her boyfriend when our lease is up in a few weeks. Which isn’t bad, necessarily. Before Finn was Roses boyfriend, he was my best friend. I introduced them a few years back and now they’re together, and I’m…”
“… not.” He finishes for her.
“Yeah,” She says sheepishly.
“I’m sorry that’s happening to you.”
“It’s fine, really. I’ve been though worse.”
They don’t speak for a moment and Rey knows if she were with Ben in person, there would be a frown on his face. She hates it.
“Where are you?” She asks.
“Bespin. Or, in my hotel room, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Hmmm… good to know.”
“That I’m in Bespin or that I’m in bed?”
“Both.” Ben chuckles.
“Have you ever been to Bespin?” He asks. She huffs a laugh.
“Ha! I make in a year what it would cost me to stay there for one night.”
“So, no?”
“Correct.”
“Hmm…” he seems to consider himself for a moment, “I think you’d like it. There’s a buffet on every corner; two just in my hotel,” Ben teases her.
“Oh shut it!” She laughs. “That sounds like a good time for anyone.”
The make small talk, mostly on Bespin; the climate, the lifestyle, the difficulty getting Über’s. It’s polite and unassuming, but sort of odd to be having this late at night. Rey want’s to ask him again why he’s called her, but he beats her to it.
“I lied earlier… when you asked why I called.”
“Oh?”
“I miss you. I don’t know if I’m allowed to miss you but I do.”
She doesn’t know what to say. She should say something non-committal or coy but she can’t think of anything other than the truth.
“I miss you, too.” Rey swears she hears a sigh of relief. “How long will you be in Bespin?” She asks.
“A few more weeks, probably.” Rey audibly pouts. “Maybe less depending on how my meetings go.”
“Hmm… that’s unfortunate. It’s much harder to fuck you when you’re a few timezones away.”
“Oh?” The shift in his voice gives Rey goosebumps.
“Harder… but not impossible,” She continues.
“Tell me, Rey, how would you do that”? He asks, voice darker now.
“I’d tell you that I’m not wearing any underwear. Just a ratty old shirt and socks-” Ben groans “- and that I’ve been wet since I heard your voice.”
“Have you touched yourself while we’ve been talking?” He asks.
“No, daddy.”
She hears him curse and the sliding of a zipper.
“Good girl.”
Rey beams. Its been so long since he’s last said that to her, and the affect those two words have on her body is profound.
“Are you touching yourself, daddy?” She asks.
“Though my underwear. You’re making me so hard, so fast, but I want this to last. Do you want me to tell you what I’d do if I were there?”
“Can I touch myself when you do?”
“Yes, but you have to do what I say.”
Rey scoots down her bed so that she’s laying back, phone propped up against a pillow by her head to she can hear him clearly.
“I will; I promise,” She tells him.
“First, I’d focus on your chest,” he tells her. “Rub your nipples for me. I like how hard they get. A dark pink. I love to taste them.” She rubs herself through the cotton of her shirt, moaning lightly. “Tell me, Rey, does it feel good?” He asks.
“Yes,” she breaths, “but not as good as your mouth.” Rey hears the distant snapping of something that sounds like the band of underwear.
“How wet are you?” Ben asks, an urgency now lining his voice.
“Dripping... I’ll have to change my sheets.” Ben curses and Rey hears a slick sound speed up
“I would tease your cunt with my fingers. Just one, to feel your wetness. I wouldn’t touch your clit yet, just around it. Can you do that for me? Can you tease yourself?” Ben asks her.
Rey moans in the affirmative, and immediately snakes a hand down to her cunt. She’s puffy and soft down there, and her hand creates adds delicious friction.
“I would tease you, too,” Rey says breathlessly. “I would jerk you off slowly. I’d trace my thumb over your head.”
Ben groans and curses under his breath. Rey begins thrusting her hips in time with her hand, but still refrains from touching her clit.
“I wish I could help myself around you but I can’t. I’d have to fuck you, Rey. I’d have to be in you. Do you want that?” The desperation in his voice increases ten fold.
“Yes...” Rey whines.
“Fuck, Rey, I want to be there. I want to feel your cunt on my cock. You don’t even know. It’s a fucking drug, being inside of you. I want to keep you on my cock for the rest of my life. Wanna stuff you full of my come so it’s always dripping out of you. Wanna kiss you until the world runs out of air. God, Rey! Touch your clit for me, baby, I need you to come for me. Please, please come for me.”
Her clit is a live wire, and when she touches it on his command, her body convulses.
“I wish it was you- I want you to do that, all of that. Ben, I’m gonna come, can I come, please?” She begs.
“Yes, yes, Rey-” the words die on his lips as grunts and moans overtake him. Rey grindstone heel of her palm into herself, fingers barely even breaching her entrance. She comes with a shudder, high-pitched whines coming from her. Ben is grunting as the slick sound suddenly halts.
Rey collapses onto her bed, unwilling to keep even the top half of her body upright. Her heavy breathing is mimicked by Ben. Rey can hear her blood still rushing in her ears, her hand still against her sopping cunt. She doesn’t care to move it because she know the unfulfilling sensation will creep inside of her once she does.
“Rey,” Ben whispers though the phone, “you okay?” He says it with a softness that makes her shudder.
“Yeah... that was.... a lot.” Her vice is still breathless.
“Yeah,” he says.
A silence befalls them again but the sound of him breathing is comforting. She feels the weight of sleep being into crawl up her and her eyes become heavy. Rey realizes something and can’t stop herself before she says it.
“If I close my eyes and listen to your breathing, it feels as if you’re here next to me.”
Rey can’t be sure, but she thinks Ben may have whimpered.
“I’m coming back soon,” he says after a minute, snapping Rey back into consciousness.
“But I thought you said-”
“I know, but- I... I’m not... I don’t know how to- I’ll be back soon; I promise.”
“Okay... will you call me? When you’re back, I mean?”
Ben chuckles lightly into the phone.
“Yeah Rey, I will.”
-
come say hi on twitter!
#reylo#rey#ben solo#kylo ren#star wars#sw#adam driver#daisy ridely#fanfiction#reylo fanfic#fsnfr#my works#rey x ben solo#rey x kylo ren#rey x ben#smut#angst#chapter 3.5
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Hey! Can you come by any Trans Frank or Trans Gerard Fics? Plz no fics that fetishize it.
There’s quite a lot of fic featuring trans characters in mcr fandom!
Trans Frank and/or Gerard
A New Design For X and Y by DeadFreddie, Frank/Gerard, 6k, Explicit. Frank Iero is the frontman in a successful band called Leathermouth, and Gerard Way is a comic writer working for DC. When they meet at one of Frank's shows, their mutual respect for the other's work becomes something a lot more personal. Oh and Frank's a trans guy and Gerard's nonbinary because I'm Trans And I Make The Rules.
Should be Living a Different Life by Chibifukurou, Frank/Gerard, 2k, General Audiences. Ella didn't want to miss hearing her favorite singer Frankie Iero. That doesn't make it any easier to go to the club when she's having such a bad day.
She's Like the Sun (and I'm Hanging On) by myrtlewilson, Frank/Gerard, 6k, Teen And Up Audiences. The Way sisters are like nothing Frank has ever encountered in his life. The three of them meet when he’s ten and to be fair, at that point, the Way sisters don’t even know that they’re the Way sisters themselves.
Let Me Tell You What's Right by fvckmefrankie, Frank/Gerard, 868 words, Teen And Up Audiences. There was no going back now. Gerard knew, he fucking knew something was up, and she couldn’t just lie to him.
I'm still me, Frank by giraffewrites, Frank/Gerard, 4k, Teen And Up Audiences. Gerard can't go another day without telling Frank. He can't go another day without telling him who the real him is. He can't go another day going by a name that isn't his and being called by pronouns that do not suit him.
But Why Do You Care? by frnkuloid, Frank/Gerard, 708 words, General Audiences. “Why do you care?” Frank immediately wishes he could rethink a way to say that a little more politely. God, he is so moronic sometimes. He sits, ponders, Gerard is furrowing his brow at the smaller boy who is now covered in a mountain of cotton and zippers. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but, you seem to be the only one who sticks around even when I’m too depressed to do anything. You could just be using me for my amazing habitat,” Gerard waves and turns his body to look and present the dingy basement they’re both in, “or my washer,” he looks directly at Frank, much more seriously than before, “but I’m pretty sure I need you just as much as you need me.” Gerard smiles, sincerely.
It's 'She' by fvckmefrankie, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Mature. “She,” Frank said, and Bob made a 'huh' sound, and Frank sighed, “It’s she, actually. Not he. She,”
Barely visible stars by giraffewrites, Lindsey/Gerard, 4k, Teen And Up Audiences. Gee had preferred it when she wasn't out to her school. The days when she could just be herself and not have abuse shouted at her as she walked the halls. The days when she wasn't scared of doing such mundane tasks such as catching the bus. And then Lindsey comes along, and maybe everything isn't completely shit for once. Maybe.
A Solid Right Hook by Go0se, Frank/Jamia, 13k, Teen And Up Audiences. Frankie was sick of the boy's certainty that he could talk to them whenever he felt like, was the thing. Five times Frankie Iero got into a fight and once when she didn't have to.
good-weird (gerard/bert/frank poly fic) by picht, Frank/Gerard, Bert/Gerard, 8k, Teen And Up Audiences. “Do you know what polyamory is?” Frank asks, and Gerard shakes her head. “So, like, okay. Polyamory is basically a relationship that involves more than two people. Like, an open relationship and stuff. It can be, like, a relationship where three or more people all love each other, or a relationship that involves multiple people but not everyone in the relationship is involved romantically with each other.” He stops here, with this look on his face like he’s very proud of himself.
My Lovenote Has Gone Flat by tragicivn, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Not Rated. Frank is in leathermouth, and Gerard is his best friend. They follow all his tours, and what if their secret comes out, what if Frank finds out they have a crush on him.
Not The Last Time by Redeemableforsurgery, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Teen And Up Audiences. “What’s up Frankie?” Gerard’s voice was soft and Frank covered his own face with his arm, hand resting on the back of his own head, fidgeting with his own hair. “I just…” he sighed again, not really knowing how to put what he was feeling into words without it turning into a rant, “I just wish it was easy, you know?” Frank is feeling dysphoric in the summer and Gerard cheers him up, short and sweet.
truth is now acceptable by orphan_account, Gen, 453 words, General Audiences. "I'm trans," she tells them, and Mikey looks at her with a raised eyebrow. But there's no disgust in Ray's face, and Gerard is almost smiling.
X-22 by abc04, Frank/Gerard, 75k, Mature. Nothing will ever happen to that boy ever again. She'll make sure of it, even if she has the whole world as enemies. Frank is her everything.
Not That Kind of Girl. by transgendergerard, Frank/Gerard, 1k, Teen And Up Audiences. When Gerard has a bad experience with an interview it makes him have really bad dysphoria for the rest of the day and the next. Luckily his boyfriend Frank is there to make it better.
Crazy 4 U by EarthToQuinne, Frank/Gerard, 9k, Teen And Up Audiences, Explicit. Frank hates Valentine’s Day but really loves Gerard.
Seven by EarthToQuinne, Frank/Gerard, 11k, Teen And Up Audiences. Gerard is in love with Frank but among other things, it's something he can't bring himself to say out loud.
in my time of dying by owbobmyhead, 5k, Not Rated. he just wanted to go home
Trans Gee and cis Frank by CaseyBenSullivan, Frank/Gerard, 10k, Explicit. After dating for a while, Gee finally takes the plunge and lets Frank see that he's trans.
Barriers by Brndn1095, Frank/Gerard, 14k, Explicit. After the Projekt Revolution kiss. You know the one. Frank wants Gerard, seems straight forward enough, but Frank worries Gerard isn't into him because he's transgender.
I Can't Anymore by totallyinnocent, 924 words, General Audiences. Jet and Poison hear a noise coming from outside, they move to investigate and didn't except at all what they found.
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Baracus shrugged, about to ignore the issue. Then he realised it was the kind of opportunity he'd been thinking of. By educating Blane on the reasons why the Patriarch denied admitting women to the Brotherhood, he could make Blane give up on trying to get his sister in. It might put him off also; he'd remain freelance, but then, Baracus didn't care if Blane joined and he doubted anyone else did either.
Leaning forward, he explained. “Back in the sixteen-hundreds, when the Tokugawa established the Brotherhood, they used sōhei from temples. You know what sōhei are?” He waited until Blane shook his head. “Buddhist, warrior monks.” He sat back, looking smug. And proud of how much history he'd learned at Sakyamuni. “Monks are men, and that's why women aren't allowed.”
Blane looked as though he took the information with graceful defeat, but then he said, “Well, back in the dark ages, y'all also didn't have technology and take in outsiders, but times change. If you don't roll with the punches, then the punches gonna roll you.”
Baracus held Blane's smug gaze. You think you won? Huh, you little teef? Do you know who I am? I'm Baracus! The chameleon. Nobody ever gets the best of me! “Adapting our methods isn't the same as admitting an entire gender we never allowed before.” It was a weak argument. Especially coming from him; an outsider. The original Brotherhood were Japanese with a few scattered Chinese, befitting the stock available to the closed off country.
Since securing trade between nations, the Brotherhood's reach crossed the globe and orphans from every country worked for them. The one rule they stuck to was no women.
Snorting with annoyance, Baracus sneered. “You want a woman to join? Go work for Hollywood. They love assassins who give up everything for a slet.”
Blane pushed his chair back and put his hat on. “My sister isn't a slut,” he said in a chilly polite tone. “I'll say good day to you, sir, and get back to my work.”
Tsking under his breath, Baracus put a hand out to stop him. “You take offence so easily. Another reason you can't be one of us. Insults are normal.” For him. He couldn't go five minutes without cursing.
“No, sir, I think I take offence the correct amount.” Ducking his head a little, Blane waved goodbye. “If I come across anything interesting—”
Baracus leaned forward, waiting for him to say he'd share.
“—Well, it'll be interesting,” Blane finished, sounding smug again.
Tag list: @catharticallysarcastic @guardians-of-las-vyxen @hyba @illthdar @rae-writes-the-thing @wildswrites
If you’d like adding or removing from this list plz let me know.
#writeblr#writeblr community#violetvineyard#Brotherhood: Divinely Volatile#urban fantasy#assassin romance#new adult fiction#look who's back from the depths of final fantasy obsession#this is unedited btw#Baracus is still a dick#I'm liking Blane more and more tho
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Oh my gosh your ‘the name is English’ fanfic is so good. Any advice on getting like. The distinct voices of each of the characters? I’m just dabbling in homestuck fiction and I think I got Dave and rose and jade. But John and the alpha kids are hard
(Edited: I kept thinking about the mistakes I made in this explanation so I’ve finally gone back and fixed them pfffft, Also like... I think I might’ve misconstrued the kind of answer anon was going for, in which case, only the very end end of this long ass response is useful. Welp.)
SO FIRST OFF, I am insanely flattered anyone is asking my advice on how to write Homestuck characters because these are some of the most difficult characters I’ve ever written. Thank you so much! These kids each have an insane amount of dimension to them and I completely understand why they come off a bit intimidating to write correctly. I don’t even think I do that good of a job, lmao. Anywho, I’mma go ahead and apologize in advance because I got a little carried away with my advice. When I get to explaining things I like to over-explain and hope you just pick out what ends up bein actually useful to you. There is... a lot of shit under this cut, so be warned.
Hello! Welcome to this wordy as fuck space under the cut. (Edit: It won’t format correctly so ALL this bullshit under the cut. Thanks tumblr. SMD plz). Unfortunately I can't describe the way they talk without deconstructing a little bit on how I view each of their personalities because a part of me insists it's better to provide context and examples, so again, I'm sorry for these unnecessarily long ramblings. Skip to about the center of each paragraph if you want to focus on speech pattern-specific things, eheheheh.
John's pretty difficult for me too because his vernacular slate isn't as colorful as everyone else's, but this is kind of what I've come to understand about him: His general reaction to everything is a mixture of chipper and blasé--going with the flow. He kind of became the “straight man” in HS to combat the way everyone else was reacting to the wild shit that eventually went down. At face value, the way he talks makes him come off as a simple dude -- what you see is what you get, which isn't necessarily true. He's honest about his feelings but at the same time it seems like he has difficulty processing and understanding them, which makes them come through much milder than what you'd expect for the situation. It's probably why he absorbed his dad's death very slowly and got hit hard when it finally processed that he was gone for good. But not many things get all the way through his initial blaséness which actually makes him kind of callous in that he can give oddly indifferent responses to things others would consider a big deal, such as when Terezi died in front of him. He looked at her corpse and was just like "Eugh. She's so weird." Like damn dude, that’s cold. Ain’t like she bled to death or nothing. Anyway, some speech pattern specific things I keep in mind when I write him: He doesn't use a lot of big words, sticking to casual, simple responses, most of them positive or enthusiastic sounding. He sometimes uses old man speech and idioms, like Jake but toned down by like 85%. He's a bit slow on the uptake, points out the obvious, and says things that he thinks are clever but he's either completely missing the mark or being lame in general, not to say he can't sometimes be particularly sassy/savage, especially when it comes to his immediate friends because he knows them and can see through their bullshit better than he can with other people he doesn't know that well. In the chat client, he likes to divide combined words like "what ever" and "time line". If you're being canon compliant, he adopted some chat quirks from Vriska after they dated, such as multiplying punctuations by 8 for emphasis!!!!!!!! (edit: Ignore this last part. I think I may be thinking of a dead john, lmao.)
Jane's also a little difficult but easier than John since speech-wise, she's more of a balance between him and Jake + if they were super skeptical about everything and cared about being smart. She's actually kind of a wild card to me, because sometimes she has probably some of the most realistic reactions to the more ridiculous things in HS, but has grown used to equally ludicrous happenings such as the assassination attempts on her life in her intro. She also tends to wear her heart on her sleeve, and has quite the temper. She tries to override her more emotional responses with good southern manners because she's polite, god dammit! When her short fuse isn't ignited, her bottomless passion fuels her cheerfulness as well as her fearlessness. She's also pretty inquisitive, about the world around her as well as towards her friends, asking them questions to understand what they may be dealing with better. She tries really hard to be reasonable about things but struggles with letting other things that may be in play ruffle her well-kept feathers. Speech pattern-wise, she vacillates between speaking like a normal teen and a grandma, to a way lesser extent than Jake. Initially, she tries to keep it prim and proper--sophisticated like a southern suburban housewife with an interesting hint of embellished self-narrative like she's the protagonist of a Noir comic (like here), but when real shit starts to go down, she gets quite a bit more casual (like when they're on their quest slabs here). That is to say, I wouldn't say her normal way of talking is something that doesn't come naturally to her because it totally does, but she loses most of the laciness because short and to the point is better, which is the case for any of the kids with more flavorful quirks. She tends to steamroll over other people when she gets passionate about a topic, but when that's not happening, she's actually super accommodating, to the point of viciously ignoring her own feelings so she can be a voice of reason. In the chat client, she uses toothy emojis like :B.
Roxy, on the other hand, comes pretty easily for me because she's really similar to one of my closest friends and speaks much the same way we do when we're chill. We're also from the south, where much of the youth talk like Roxy does, lmao. Roxy is probably the most accommodating of any of the kids, readily bending over backwards to cater to her friends' needs and letting her own needs take a backseat, which probably leads to a lot of resentment she keeps buried. But she's still the chillest one, taking just about everything in stride before and after her alcoholism. She tends to get sad before she ever gets angry. And if she does get angry, it's usually only frustration at others for being difficult. Communication-wise, she's the most shorthanded--thinking and living in chat-speak. She's all about living her best life and taking care of her family so things are fun and peaceful. She wants to be super sure of herself (like Dirk) because she wants to be reliable. When talking, she likes to use a bunch of metaphors (again, like Dirk), and she tends to casually throw in a lot of puns too, such as when she tells Jake that they're still "humanated" when he asks if he's alienated her too. The nature of her responses is typically pretty flippant, even when things are serious. It's probably obvious that getting comfortable with general Ebonics will help a lot when writing her. In chat client, I try to remember these things: typos only happen when she's drunk--when typing her drunk, I avoid actively trying to give her slurred speech. Instead, I kind of let my fingers type a little more haphazardly and leave the typos I made that sound like mistakes she would make. She only tries to correct a small portion of her typos, more frequently the closer she is to sobriety. When she IS sober, her shorthand isn't consistent. One sentence she'll write "u" and the next, she'll write "you". Same thing with "2" and "to" or "4" and "for", etc. She'll cut out unnecessary letters in words, use typical chat abbrevs, and only use singular letters in place of a whole word, like "y" for "yes". Also uses smileys and other signs like <3. She's super fun for me to write because she comes away with a general feeling of "lmao" if that makes any sense.
Jake I'm always worried I'm doing wrong but he seems to be the one people love my characterization of the most so far, lmao. So I guess I must be doing something right. The thing about Jake is he wants to be the "likeable character". He takes what people want in a guy and molds that into this garbled persona. So when he talks to others, even his friends, he tries to be super agreeable, positive and supportive, regardless of the subject matter; he’s always talking these people up to make them feel good about themselves so that they enjoy conversing with him. But the reality is that he's extremely (but not necessarily intentionally) self-centered. He also aggressively ignores anything negative or forcefully turns it into something positive even when it doesn't make sense. He only tends to express frustration when others (Dirk) are being difficult; I don't remember if he ever actually gets angry in the comic?? He also likes to express surprise/amazement at things (a lot more than the other kids do at least), at the beginning of his responses, even when someone says something that's particularly obvious. The thing that gets me about Jake is that his superficial shell is so impenetrable, I don't think that issue was ever really fully addressed, much less fixed in HS, which leaves a lot of questions about his character & several different but valid interpretations of him by the audience. He may very well actually just be an oblivious idiot who's suffered brain damage one too many times (there's not too many pieces of supporting evidence to negate this) but I personally like to think Jake is far more complicated than that. I mean, look at how many convos he's grabbed the helm of and steered into a completely different direction just so he doesn't have to deal with something. His speech is probably the one I have to look up references for the most because he uses a fuckton of idioms you'd only hear one’s well-meaning but probably unintentionally racist poppop use, and a weird mixture of western/country and british vocab + bro speech he probably adopted while talking to Dirk. This is one list I find super useful when trying to find words to use (bless this person), but I still have to google a bunch of goofy phrases and words to be sure I'm not exhausting my material. One thing I know I do wrong when it comes to Jake's speech is use modern British slang such as "bloody" and "bloke", which is something he absolutely never does but I use them anyways because... idfc, I guess, idk. lol, I acknowledge it so it's fine.
Dirk is probably the one that comes easiest to me because he and I behave and talk pretty similarly. Either that, or I just like to think that and I'm just projecting while writing him completely wrong, lmao. Either way, Dirk hides behind the fact that he's super chill and levelheaded when really he's a nervous paranoid wreck. He's always thinking and overthinking about everything and he never gives himself a god damn break. He calculates every response he gives so it comes off exactly the way he wants it to, so when it doesn't because he's caught off guard, you get to see these little snippets of this dude freaking out underneath. He's a neurotic control freak that makes sure the flow of conversation stays on a set course he wants it to or else he gets either uncomfortable or pissed off. He skirts around anything that might get personal to him and dismisses any focus that sheds light on his own emotions UNLESS he feels, again, that he can control that flow of conversation. Or he's already emotionally compromised. Either way, he avoids conditions that might catch him actually being vulnerable because he's just too fuckin' proud. He likes to make a lot of comparisons, using extended metaphors and milking the fuck out of them if he can get away with it because the more he talks, the more he feels in control. He likes to smoothly play along with people he finds are being ridiculous, like Jake and Caliborn, or even just because he knows they'll know he's just playing along like Roxy. That's a key thing for me actually--how much he likes to fuck with people and how inelegantly he takes it in those rare cases someone successfully fucks with him. His speech seems to be a balance between Rose and Dave, a chill bro with access to the biggest vocabulary ever. I encourage aiming towards sounding like a pretentious asshole when writing Dirk because that's what he is all the time sometimes. He likes to Dirk-splain because more often than not he knows exactly what he's talking about, but he also doesn't realize his Dirk-splaining is something no one needed or asked for. Even though he's acknowledged and now resents the ludicrous size of his own ego, he still struggles with not stroking it at every opportunity. He’s a super capable, reliable guy and he knows it, but the reality is that much of what he plans for doesn’t work out. It’s only when he and his friends are really in the shit and he doesn’t have time to think that instinct takes over and he ends up doing some hella amazing things (Unite: Synchronization). That’s why his whole thought process of being better off alone is dangerous--he’s capable because he has people he loves relying on him. (I went off on a tangent unrelated to speech here. I’m sorry. I got a lot of feelings about Dirk and his selfishness vs. his selflessness, lol)
With all that, these are some general notes I try to abide by:
The ramblers of the kids are Dirk, Dave, and Jake, the former two especially when they're anxious. Dave's definitely the worst in that regard. The Striders both act like they wanna come off as men of few words and both fail miserably; it seems like being forced to live in verbal silence for a good portion of their lives gave both of these social wrecks a stigma against any gaps in conversation. Jake on the other hand rambles because he's self-important, not unlike Dirk. It's almost like he's not sure how else to contribute to the conversation if it's not about movies or himself.
For me, it actually helps that I think Dirk and Jake may both be on the spectrum. (I'm sorry if the following offends anyone who is on the spectrum, but this is just my general experience talking to people with those conditions). It certainly explains why their joint communication is so shit and why they either both give long-winded explanations that no one really asks for, or extract themselves from conversations they don't have a good foothold in, the latter being way more common for Jake (I hint a little at all this in my fic, moreso for Jake via Dirk's observations). They both want to be heard but may have difficulty being good listeners because their heads are already filled to the brim with things that have been cycling since before the other person has started talking.
On a final note, I find it pretty important to note the changes in each character's demeanor and way of talking after certain things happen. A glaring example is the Alpha Kids' behaviors after the batshit candy juju episode they all had. When Jake's broken out of his glorified, overwhelmingly positive fake self-image, he's actually very self-critical. However, his self-centeredness is hard to break out of, so when he broods on all the flaws he'd ignored in favor of being the guy everyone likes, he directed all of his nervous energy into finding reassurance from Roxy. (This self-deprecation could've also been born from his constant need to be agreeable, so since he thought everyone considered him to be a piece of shit, he felt the need to agree that was the case. Depends on how you read it.) Roxy had a shorter fuse and was a bit more snappy and resistant to dealing with Jake's ridiculousness. Jane remained calm and acknowledged she can be a bit too stubborn and self-righteous. Dirk finally took a step back from the details and absorbed the big picture of his problematic expectations toward his friends and himself. It’s just something to keep in mind if you fear you’re getting kind of OOC with their personalities. It’s natural for people to behave different based on changes in their mood, so don’t be afraid to experiment.
All that being said (I lied about that final note), I go back and reference the comic a lot when I’m unsure whether I’m representing a character accurately. It’s a good habit to double-check yourself. If you’re unsure how you’re writing a response but wanna move on, write it the best you can and then come back to it later and revise after reading a few conversations that include that character.
Most importantly of all: the thesaurus is your fucking best friend of all time. Fuck everyone else. The thesaurus is your god damn hero. I find “define:”ing words on google actually super helpful when trying to find synonyms that work better for me.
But that’s it! I hope you found at least a few things helpful in that word splurge of fumbling analyses. And thanks a bunch for reading my fic! It’s not super popular so it’s reassuring to know there are people out there who really enjoy it. Keeps me trying to update regularly at the very least.
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Hello world... again
Hellooo,
Thank you for finding me! \(^o^)/
This blog is mostly to promote my favorite arts & music, plus some stuffs about audio production (technical or not).
I used to have another blog on the same topics under the same name. However, due to some issues with Tumblr support (nothing illegal I swear o.O), I now need to create another one.
What you’ll find here:
Reviews of mostly non-mainstream musicians and their works (albums, singles, soundtracks, lives, operas etc.)
My journey of sound exploration, including discussion of music genres, recording techniques, instrument design etc.
(Sometimes) Other stuffs: books, art films, anime, paintings, comics, manga, sculptors, 3D rendering etc.
MINIMAL shitposting. I may post #random things and #announcement from time to time.
The truly irrelevant stuffs are marked with #please ignore. Just block them.
I aim to churn out contents once every week for short posts (starting Aug this year), but more in-depth stuffs may take months, as I’m rather busy irl.
Now, here are some house rules before I start with the juicy posts:
1. Non-mainstream music?
That’s over-generalizing a bit, but I like weird stuffs from different genres all over the world. If it’s done right to me, it doesn’t matter if it’s jazz, pop, house, avant-garde, classical, hip-hop, soundtrack stuffs or whatever in-between.
A few examples (not in any order): Kajiura Yuki, Ennio Morricone, Billie Eilish, Sergei Rachmaninoff, Björk, Agust D, Ulrich Drechsler, Hanoi Duo.
With that said, I’m quite biased with a mix of powerful female vocals, stuffs in minor keys & lots of evolving counter melodies. Sure, each of those do typically appear in mainstream music, but I tend to prefer more eclectic combinations of them. I’m sure I’ll unconsciously cover more people like that.
You’ll likely discover lots of weird people here. Do follow official channels of those who interest you! :D
2. Sound exploration...?
Well, after having too much time for introspection during Covid-19, I’m thinking of switching career to something along the line of foley artist or sound engineer. No idea what I want yet, so I’m exploring possible professions. Since this is a music-related blog, I just want to share my journey, haha.
Posts about this will have a separate hashtag so those not interested can ignore them. Topics will range from modding instruments, sound-making & recording paraphernalia, music theory, music history etc.
3. Weeb? NO. Maybe nerd at most.
In case someone spotted me mentioning “anime” and “manga” and thought “what if...”, no, I’m not into waifus, bishounen cults, or the other stuffs (you know what I mean)... Do not expect such contents here, though you can freely fangirl/fanboy about your favorite stuffs in the comment section (but keep it toxic-free plz) (^o^)/
I love many anime & manga series just as much as I enjoy Pan’s Labyrinth or NatGeo documentaries. I casually join fandoms, but I’m not hardcore and by no means an expert in anything. So do correct me if I get some facts wrong!
4. NO political stuffs, conspiracy theories, fan wars etc.
More like, I’ll keep potentially toxic stuffs to the minimum. I’ll still discuss them objectively if they’re relevant to the topic at hand.
E.g. how a group’s disbandment may affect a musician’s solo career etc.
With all the crap happening in the world, we could do with a bit more positivity. And cooler heads. So I will NOT rant extensively about such things. And I WILL report such posts if I ever see them here.
I don’t care if you shitpost elsewhere. I do too. But please just spare this place...
Also, yes, it’s important to be aware of certain social issues.
However, I believe such things should be discussed with well-sourced information, clear illustrations and non-malicious intents. Not angry people throwing their opinions on the table, and sometimes throwing the table themselves. And more importantly, MUCH MORE IMPORTANTLY, social issues must be solved by consistently educating oneself and taking actions OFFLINE.
If you still wanna do that here, please please please switch to DM. I do want to have discussions with you.
Finally, I naturally stand at a respectful distance to my fav musicians.
I do get hyped and have expectations ahead of releases. But I’m not the type to directly message my favorite musicians, or queue up for hours to get their autographs. I also don’t collect merchandise or limited-edition items. I don’t go on “pilgrimages”.
Just listening to their music, promoting them and supporting them financially (through streaming, buying releases, attending lives) is good enough for me.
I don’t encourage this kind of behavior actually. Without avid fans, lots of musicians would starve... But this is just how I am.
Plus, there’re just too many musicians I like. If I were too hardcore, I wouldn’t have time & resources to support them all xD
I’m interested in what they can share about their personal lives, but I don’t want to dig deeply into things that may disturb them. Unless they did something unlawful (not just morally questionable) that went unnoticed or unresolved (like smoking weed where it’s banned and not getting caught).
I love to discuss what make them spark as well as their flaws, casually but objectively. But I’m only human so biases is unavoidable.
I always want to anticipate their next works or breakthroughs, if any, as long as their interest in making decent music is still there.
Liking their music doesn’t mean I need to like them as people. And certainly not love them romantically.
I sometimes need to compare some aspects of them (e.g. musical inspiration, background, how they’ve changed following financial success or failure etc.) But I’ll avoid that as much as possible, especially when it comes to music groups. A group is more than just its members.
All questions & gossip regarding opinions of fanbases should go to my inbox, and not anonymously (cuz I can��t reply you otherwise).
I wanna keep this space clean, so I want to avoid fan wars & jumping to conclusions.
Pretty sure it will happen eventually anyway, one way or another...
Wew, that sure is a lot of text *sweats*. Hope I’ve made it clear to you and myself what this blog will be like.
Please anticipate my next post around 2 months from now.
Thanks for reading. m(_ _)m
#music#review#hello world#why am I posting this when my next post's supposed to be 2 months from now
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end of 2019
I've done this survey every year since like, 2006 and then missed it last year because I was on a social media break. Whoops! My shitty memory makes it fairly important as a way to track the passage of time, so I'm back on the horse this year.
What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before?
I'm sure there's some specific thing, but nothing's coming to me immediately. Oh, I guess I started cross stitching?
Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I'm not sure what my resolutions were for last year because I did not write them anywhere because I did not do this meme /o\
Next year:
+ Set up some kind of writing schedule
+ Finish my mg novel
+ Survive moving
+ Get a new job
+ Go on more dates
eta: Outside of these sort of concrete, 2do-list type goals, I set some more nebulous personal goals on Twitter:
- See my local friends outside of the BFC more often
- Do weird, dumb shit
- Be nicer to myself
- Fix my meds
- Bake something fancy(Okay, that last one is kind of 2do-listy.)
Did anyone close to you give birth?
YES!! @caphairdadbeard had a baby and he's perfect and I love him and it kills me that he's so far away and I only get to see him a few times a year, even more so than it usually kills me having Sarah so far away.
Did anyone close to you die?
My former roommate's father. I did a lot of family stuff with her over the decade that we lived together and spent a lot of time with her parents and he was super loved and admired by his community. A real shitty loss all around.
What countries did you visit?
Just the US, but I visited Seattle and Mississippi for the first time!
What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?
~*~Financial security~*~
What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I'm so terrible with actual dates. May 9 was Max's birthday, so there's that? We did a lovely, successful live show on April 18. OH we went to Rent Live and had our wild weekend in LA on January 26. We watched a lot of wild movie musicals at Grace and Jesse's in July. I saw Blair Witch in the woods. I went down to the city to see Octet and Hadestown. Lisa moved in with me. Moby-Dick happened. Now I'm just listing events and not dates, but there you go.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
God, do I even have one? I'm not dead, so that's probably something. Oh, I guess we had a really good WBS month where we were interviewed by Forbes.com, had one of our crossovers with IDEOTV, guest edited TBD, and had our live show. That was a really satisfying few weeks.
What was your biggest failure?
I'm haunted by this work thing I fucked up, even though everyone has told me it wasn't a big deal. I really crash and burned out for NaNo because SAD hit me way harder and faster this year than it has in the past.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
Lots of brain stuff, as per usual. A couple minor colds. My FAMILY on the other hand....
What was the best thing you bought?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Tickets to Octet, maybe. It was probably my favorite show of the year. The new chair/loveseat is also very good.
Whose behavior merited celebration?
Some of my friends. A lot of excellent activists. Sarah's baby (he's very good).
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Like, the whole government?
Where did most of your money go?
Grown-up type stuff (rent, utilities, groceries), cons, and travel.
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
LA, Octet, Max, DragonCon, Moby-Dick. Galentine's!
What song will always remind you of 2019?
Probably music from Octet? I don't like.....listen to the radio.
Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Probably about the same? Maybe more stressed out by family stuff going on and money stuff.
b) thinner or fatter? Same. Also, I hate this question. 2020 Kaitlyn, delete it plz.
c) richer or poorer? About to be poorer.
What do you wish you’d done more of?
Writing. Sleeping. Going on dates. Hanging out with people.
What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being depressed. Being stressed.
Did you fall in love in 2019?
Nope.
What was your favorite TV program?
If we're talking "currently airing" and not "things I bingewatch that are very old," probably The Good Place--OH I almost forgot Good Omens was this year!!! Also that! And I started watching Schitt's Creek and watched all of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Oh, and I started watching some videos on the Bon Appetit YouTube channel, mostly Gourmet Makes and Making Perfect and Reverse Engineering.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Mostly just like...........people I don't actually know who are terrible humans.
What was the best book you read?
Coming soon to a podcast feed near you!
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Probably Octet? I don't think I listened to a lot of new music this year. OH WAIT, The Highwomen!!! What a good album!!! (Also in doing the theatre section I just remembered Six was this year too!)
What did you want and get?
Mostly material things--clothes, cons, travel, seeing people, tickets to things, etc. Impeachment. Got that. That was nice.
What did you want and not get?
Financial security. A new job. Emotional stability. A relationship. More sleep.
What was your favorite film of this year?
Captain Marvel, although Us, Charlie's Angels, and The Wind were very good too.
What was your favorite theatrical event of the year?
Probably Octet! The broadway version of Hadestown was kind of disappointing compared to the 2016 NYTW version and Moby-Dick is great fun, but still pretty rough in places. Octet is just.....very good. Oh, or SIX, that was great too! Octet or Six. Oh, and, jesus, this year was a hundred years long, I totally forgot we saw Denee as Eliza this year!! She was very good!! And I got to see Daniel Breaker as Burr again and I fucking love him.
What was your favorite podcast of the year?
The Empty Bowl, a meditative podcast about cereal. It is so good for zoning out and being calm. TAZ has been killing it with the one-shots and the Amnesty arc, too, and this was the first year I listened to MBMBaM weekly and also I mainlined all of Sawbones after listening to half of it, then not listening to any for six months, then deciding to start from the beginning again. Unwell is a really good show that I recommend, and Mabel. The Magnus Archives killed it with season four, which was tailored to my exact narrative tastes. MFM and Criminal are perpetual faves. American Hysteria was super interesting to go through and Bear Brook and In the Dark both obviously had fucking fantastic years. Oh, and Who the Hell is Hamish? that was fun too. And I’ll stop now.
I.....listen to a lot of podcasts.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 34! On the day, I went out for dinner and drinks with some friends. That weekend, I bought a bunch of children's Captain Marvel birthday supplies and we played Jackbox games and ate cake!
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Any sort of fix to our current political mess. And/or financial stability.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?
The "Whimsical" section on eShakti.
What kept you sane?
Friends! Podcasts! Anti-depressants!
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Brie Larson and Starr Busby are the first that spring to mind.
What political issue stirred you the most?
It’s hard to pick just one when the whole country is on fire.
Who did you miss?
Pretty much everyone when they are not right next to me. Sarah Bay, a lot, but I feel weird singling one person out. [This is exactly what I wrote for the last four years, but I’m keeping it because it’s still true.]
Who was the best new person you met?
Did I meet new people this year? I know I internet-met a couple people, but I'm not sure if I in-person made any new friends? We hung out with this girl Jenn at con a bunch, she was pretty cool! edit: oh my god MAX I met MAX this year because he did not exist last year!!!
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019:
Do not invite folks to sit on a panel unless you know they'll stick to the goddamn topic agreed on in advance.
Quote a song that sums up your year:
And no one grew into anything new / we just became the worse of what we were
(I think this is the third year in a row that Dave Malloy has been my lyric of the year.)
Anyway, that’s 2019 for me. I can’t say I’m sorry to see it go. The last half, in particular, was super rough. Hell, the last week was super rough--guess how many members of my family have been in the hospital in December! If you guessed “six” you would be correct!! (Everyone is more or less fine.)
But, hey, it also brought me my tiny nephew and two Dave Malloy musicals, so it wasn’t all bad!
I hope 2020 treats you all well, friends!
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Can you give me your thoughts on your NMJ's sexuality/gender hcs plz they are very good and I'm starving for NMJ content
Absolutely!! I love going on about my headcanons lol.
FIRST- NMJ IS TRANS
Part of it is that fandom in general has a tendency to only headcanon characters who are trim and kind of androgynous as trans. Which, there are plenty of trans guys who are! But that's not the only thing trans guys can be. I think we should make an effort to headcanon more beefy/tall/big guys as trans.
Plus, I kind of see myself (or who I want to be) in his sort of... forceful but effortless masculinity. He's a very manly manTM who also v much loves his brother and has close familial relationships and I think those are important and they make me happy as a trans guy. Is it a lot of projection? Sure. But what are headcanons if not us projecting ourselves onto characters we love.
SECOND- NMJ IS ARO
This kind of also comes back to a lack of representation thing. We rarely see aro headcanons of characters because fandom is very romantic relationship heavy. I think it's really important to headcanon characters who have healthy and happy non-romantic relationships as aro.
No romantic interests are ever mentioned for NMJ, despite him being a sect leader who, presumably, needs to further his line. I like to think this is because the Nie clan is encouraged to marry for love and not just for politics (why we also dont see nhs paired off). The Nie sect in general seems to be more in touch with emotions and less political, so it makes sense.
I think NMJ is perfectly happy with his relationships with nhs and his sworn brothers (well.... kind of. LXC at least.) And doesn't feel the need to seek out anything more. He's never felt that Spark of romance and he's not too worried about it.
THIRD-NMJ IS BI
I mean... this is mostly bc I think the idea of NMJ and LXC together is Good. They'd be a very pretty couple. And NMJ cares abt his sworn brother very deeply and LXC is very pretty and now I'm just going off on this agenda...
Anyway! Aro ppl can and do have active sex lives and non-romantic relationships and I just think nmj would do that with men and women. Like I said with the aro thing, I think the Nie sect is a little more free with these sorts of things (they're strict everywhere else, that's for sure) and wouldn't care as much about who's sleeping with who as long as they can fight. So it's just not weird for NMJ.
(As a note: if I say something that's not correct or makes anyone uncomfy, let me know. I'm still learning and educating myself and will welcome any corrections.)
#my headcanons#nie mingjue#mdzs#answered#this was written on my phone so it isnt the most coherent but here you go!! my thoughts
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Revenge is a Dish Best Served... Hot? (m)
When your roommate keeps you up late at night with her noisy rendezvous with male overnight guests, you and Seokjin team up to plot your revenge... How? With a taste of her own medicine, of course.
Dedicated to my roommate :”) ily, but please let me sleep....
Warning: Seokjin smut
Word Count: 17,051
*********************************************************************************
Your heart stops in your chest when you walk in through the door of your apartment after a long day at lab—to find your roommate snuggling with a strange man you’ve never seen before on the couch. They look up at the sight of you and casually hold up their hands in greeting, but your roommate doesn’t even bother to move from where she’s practically lying in the stranger’s lap.
“You’re back from lab late,” Lei calls out to you.
You cautiously set your bag on the counter and think through your words before responding, “Yes… and I have to wake up tomorrow at six in the morning to set up an experiment.”
“Aw, you poor thing,” she offhandedly comments before turning back to her new male companion.
You remain standing in the foyer for a few moments, staring at the way she snuggles back into his embrace without a second thought. But neither of them notice your heated glare, and you have no choice but to moodily march into your bedroom… the one located directly next to the living room in which they currently occupy… with the very couch they sit on pressed against the wall of your room, your bed mere concrete inches from their canoodling… Luckily they aren’t having sex this time.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Normally, you are completely cool with your roommate having visitors over. Boyfriends, dates, one-night stands, whatever. You’ve had your fair share of hookups in the past, and it’s not your right to judge… when these hookups take place in the privacy of one’s own bedroom, that is. But your roommate has this strange preference for canoodling in your shared spaces…
And with only a thin wall to separate you from them, you can hear them as clearly as if they were standing right before you. You groan as you hastily change for bed and dive for your earplugs. But of course, it’s useless. You can still hear the high-pitched squeal of your roommate’s giggles through the spongey material. And with each passing second, the anger in the pit of your stomach heats until it reaches its boiling point.
Jin!!! You angrily text your best friend, in lieu of stomping out in the living room and giving the inconsiderate couple a piece of your mind like you’d really like to, She’s doing it again!!!!
Like always, it only takes him a minute to respond, Lei?
Yah. Who else? Ugh, im going fucking crazy!!!
What guy is it this time? The one who grunts like a pig during sex or the one who asked to borrow a pair of your socks?
Neither! It’s a new guy :(
Just tell them to shut the fuck up.
Akljslkfjsdkflsk
Srsly, ___. Just do it.
>.< ur no help! Forget it.
Want me to come over and do it for u?
N.O. trust me, Jin, that’s the last thing id ever want.
Y? bc u cant stand to see me saving ur ass again?
No, bc ud only make things worse w/ that scary face of yours.
Not my fault ur blind and cant appreciate beauty.
U look like a mean alpaca
Wut??? Y u lyin? Bitch, im beautiful and u know it!
Whatever. ur no help. Now ill just suffer through the rest of the night listening to their gross scream laughing.
Wanna sleep over instead?
Nah, u live super far away. Just forget it. Maybe I can try to shove two pairs of earplugs in D:
U need 2 just grow a pair and deal with this problem instead of avoiding it.
Asjdflklsdfk maybe one day…
Aite, coward. But don’t turn to me crying.
… why are we even friends again?
Bc no one else likes you.
Jin, r u saying u like me…?;)
No. I tolerate u. plz don’t go putting words in my mouth.
Ya ya whatever. love u too, baby <3
Istg if u call me that one more time…
Goodnight, baby 😘 😘 😘
…goodnight
You smile fondly at that last message. Why is Kim Seokjin such a tsundere? Pretending that he doesn’t care for you, when you know that he probably sees you as a little sister to him. But he’s not Jin if he’s not cold and aloof. Shaking your head in amusement, you place your phone down and lie down on the bed with a smile on your face.
You’re not sure what higher power allowed you to befriend someone like Kim Seokjin years ago in college, but you thank that unknown deity on a regular basis. You don’t know how you’d survive the stress of grad school without Jin’s snarky, dramatic, mostly unwarranted comments every day. Just thinking of your best friend is relaxing enough to put you to sleep and within minutes, you feel your exhausted mind drifting off… Until—
“HEHEHEHEHE, you’re so funny!”
Lei’s high-pitched giggling instantly slams you back into full consciousness. You lay there, staring up at the ceiling in defeat, before flopping over to muffle a scream in your pillow. Fuck your life…
*********************************************************************************
“What are you still doing?” Jin groans as he watches you type furiously at your kitchen table.
“Sorry, I just need a few more minutes,” you say as you hastily type another line of code.
“I thought you wanted to grab food!” he exclaims, “Why are you like this?”
“Shh,” you shush him, “Go stare at your reflection in the back of my laptop and shut up.”
Jin sighs dramatically, “I think it’s very irresponsible for a full grown adult woman like yourself to demand that someone drives her to lunch, only to stand them up.”
“Relax, I’m not standing you up,” you mumble as you hastily delete your line of code and reconsider it, “I just need another second to rerun these analyses… And no one told you to pick me up! I could’ve just taken the subway.”
“And get mugged again?” he snorts, “Like I’m going to let that happen. I can’t deal with that again.”
You shoot him a wry glare, “Not everyone can drive around in their fancy little cars, Mr. Rich Kid.”
“Psht. You’re the one who chose to be a broke ass grad student. Who would willingly want to be a student for another four years?!”
“Six years,” you quietly correct him.
“Six years?! Okay, that settles it. You’re officially insane.”
“At least I enjoy it! You’re the one who sold your soul to the corporate overlords and have to suffer through that boring financial… wait what do you do again?”
“How do you know nothing about me?! Investment—”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can you come take a look at my analyses?”
“Oh my god… I knew there was a reason you wanted me over,” Jin says with a good-natured sigh as he scoots over to peer at your laptop screen, “Your silly overeducated mind can’t handle a bit of math.”
You scowl at him as you show him the output of your analyses, “Just tell me if this is right or not…”
“What’s the magic word?” he chimes in a singsong voice.
“Sweet cheeks?” you offer.
He immediately scowls, “Forget it. Do your own damn analyses.”
“I didn’t mean that!” You exclaim, clinging onto his sleeve before he can walk away, “I’m sorry, dearest Jin! You are as rich in intelligence as you are in beauty! Please bless me with that sexy brain of yours!”
His lips twitch at your exaggerated words, but to your relief, he concedes, “Fine,” he sighs dramatically, “But only because you asked so nicely.”
You feel the urge to retort back, but you stifle it down in order to show him your output screen, “Please look this over and let me know where I fucked up…”
“What a noble man I am, helping you with the most basic math,” he’s as dramatic as always as he pulls your laptop towards him.
“Yes, my savior!” you pretend to swoon.
Jin actually cracks a smile at that, and opens his mouth to respond, but at that moment, two bodies come crashing in through the front door. Your gut twists in annoyance when you identify the intertwined bodies as Lei and her new man aggressively making out in the doorway.
At least they have the decency to briefly separate when they realize that there is company in the apartment, “Oh, hey guys,” Lei greets the two of you.
Both of you hesitantly wave back. Normally, she would spend longer chatting with the two of you (or flirting with Jin, more like), but this time, she is too engrossed with her new friend. As soon as she finishes greeting you, she reattaches her lips to her male companion’s, and they messily stumble onto the couch to make out more.
You stare at them with a disgusted look on your face, before you quickly catch yourself and politely clear your throat, “So, Jin, what do you think about my analyses?” He doesn’t respond, so you poke him after a second, “Jin?”
“Sorry, what?” he says, forcibly tearing himself from the stomach-turning spectacle, “I can’t concentrate when I’m literally on the verge of vomiting.”
You quickly shush him, horrified that your new guests on the couch might hear his offensive words, “Don’t be like this! It’s a beautiful and natural part of life!”
He ignores you, “Is this the shit you have to deal with on a daily basis?” Jin asks you in horror.
You wince, “Pretty much…”
“Damn… Ok, I’m gonna go beat them both up for you. This is unacceptable.”
“No!” you hurriedly grab his hand before he can follow through on his threat, “Come on, let’s just leave. Aren’t you hungry?”
“___, you seriously can’t keep running away from confrontation!”
“I know, but—ugh!” Frustrated, you shut your laptop and tighten your grip on his hand to forcibly drag him out of the apartment, “Lei, I’m leaving!” You call out before you step outside, but of course, she doesn’t even notice.
As soon as you shut the front door behind you, you whirl around in the hallway to face Jin, “I know that this is gross and really inconsiderate, but what can I do?”
“Just tell her to fucking stop,” he says, his solution as simple and blunt as always.
“I wish I could! But you know that her mother’s the landowner of this apartment complex. I’m paying barely half the rent of what a nice two-bedroom apartment like this downtown should go for! I can’t afford to piss her off!”
“That’s such bullshit,” Jin growls, “You can’t just let her get away with everything she wants because she can hold this over your head. Move out. Hell, if you need somewhere to stay, you can crash with me.”
“Ugh, it’s really not that simple. That’s not a permanent solution.”
“Neither is just letting her get away with this without any consequences for the rest of your life.”
“Yeah, I know… I just need to think of a better approach…”
“Fine. If you won’t talk to her, then get back at her.”
That makes you pause, “Wait… what?”
“Two can play that game,” he explains, “How is it fair that she can be so inconsiderate and rude fooling around with guys in your shared living space? So you should do it too. And she’d be a complete hypocrite if she found fault in it.”
“I…” you blink as you try to think it through, “Wait… that’s not such a bad idea, actually…”
“Of course it isn’t,” he says at once, “I’m a genius, after all.”
“No, you’re really stupid,” you absentmindedly inform him as you mull over his suggestion, “Wait… no, I think this actually could work, Jin! Wow, I just need to find a man to fool around with in front of her! This is exciting!” You exclaim, beaming at this point.
“Yes, exactly. Give her a taste of her own medicine. She probably lacks the basic empathy to understand how gross this is. So you need to let her know how it feels.”
“Ok,” you grin, “I think I will, thanks Jin! I’ll call Jung Hoseok tonight and ask if he wants to come over.”
“Wait—Jung Hoseok?” Jin asks with a wrinkle of his nose, “Are you really going to go down that route again?”
“Sure, why not? I mean, he’s the ultimate fuckboi, and I would never date him, but that’s not what I want from him tonight, now is it? And I think Hobi would always be down for a hookup with no strings attached.”
Still, Jin clicks his tongue in disapproval, “That seems excessive and rather dangerous for this ploy, ___.”
“Dangerous?” You repeat in surprise, “How so?”
But he only ignores you, “Why do you actually have to hook up with someone for real? Why can’t you just fake it?”
Your brow furrows in confusion, “Fake it? How would I fake it on my own? Do you want me to pretend to masturbate or something, you pervert?!”
He cringes at the very thought, “No way, you nasty. I was just saying that I’ll help you act it out in front of her.”
“You? Really? Why would you do something like that?” you ask, shocked by the very thought.
He shrugs, “Why not? It’ll be fun. You know I’d love nothing more than to get back at that gross, overly touchy roommate of yours.”
You pull a face of sympathy when you remember all the unwarranted flirting and excessive skinship Lei had subjected Jin to over the years you’ve lived with her. “But she knows we’re friends. She’ll never believe that we’re hooking up.”
“Why not? I’m hot. Of course you’d want to fuck me.”
You glare at him, but don’t have the energy to discipline him for once, “But why would you want to fuck me? That’s the unbelievable part!”
“Why not?” he says in a flippant tone, “I’m hot and horny, you’ve got tits, we’ve been friends for years, and things just fell together. Boom, done. Now let’s go get omelets.”
“Seokjin, they’ve long stopped serving breakfast.”
“Damn it, woman!” he exclaims, “I told you to hurry up!”
You can’t help but grin at that, “Guess we’re just going to have to eat fried chicken again!”
He shoots you a glare, “Again?”
You beam back, “Yup!”
*********************************************************************************
“Ok, she’s supposed to come back from the grocery store any minute now,” you hiss at Jin that next weekend, when you finally find the time to put your plan into action.
“Alright, what should I do?” he asks as he flops down on the couch next to you.
“Hmm… I’m not sure,” you say as you awkwardly swing your legs over his.
He easily lifts your legs and drags them over his lap, “Should I take off my shirt?” he asks, fingers already fidgeting with the top button.
“No!” You exclaim, sitting up to grab his hands, “What’s wrong with you?!”
“Oh please,” he says with a roll of his eyes, “You know you want to see it.”
“No, I don’t,” you snap back, and for good measure, you pull up the front of his shirt to cover him up to the neck, “Keep that nasty shit to yourself.”
“How is she ever going to believe that we’re fucking?” he sighs.
You pull your legs off of his lap, “I knew I should’ve just called Hoseok,” you groan.
“No, we can make this work,” he says, suddenly leaning down to lay on top of you, hands pressed into the cushions on either side of your face to keep from crushing you, “Isn’t this better?”
But you flush at his close proximity. Whenever you think that you’ve finally gotten used to his impossibly handsome face, he proves you wrong. And lying on top of you like this, with his face inches away from yours… You can see every detail of his face from the sharp angles of his jaw, to the intensity of his dark gaze, and the fullness of his pink lips. Flustered, you squeeze your eyes shut, and blindly fumble out of his grip.
“No, it’s not!” You exclaim as you shove him off of you.
He looks at you, surprised by your dramatic reaction, “What’s wrong with you?”
“N-nothing! I just… I want to be on top instead!” You practically shout as you push him on his back.
Confused, Jin nevertheless complies, “Alright, fine. Whatever floats your boat, you crazy woman.”
You sigh deeply. He’s a lot less threatening now that he’s on his back with his lips far away from yours, and you find yourself finally able to relax. Until you realize that you need to climb onto his body. “I just don’t want Lei to get the wrong impression,” you mutter as you awkwardly shuffle around on the couch, looking for the best position, “Can’t let her think that you’re the one in charge here.”
Jin snorts, but nevertheless crosses his arms behind his head and watches you make your approach under half-lidded eyes, “Whatever helps you sleep at night, babe. Now climb on up.”
Your face nearly explodes with heat from his casual use of the pet name. “You’re so annoying,” you grumble under your breath as you swing a leg over his waist. But it feels ten times more awkward to straddle him, and you quickly scramble up to hover above his stomach instead, avoiding his crotch like the plague. There’s a moment of uncomfortable silence. Then—
“Is this normally how you hook up with guys, ___?” Jin asks as he cranes up his head to try to look at you.
You scowl down at him, “Are you questioning my methods?”
“Yup. Stop being so damn awkward and sit down on me already.”
You flush at his word choice, “J-Jin, I—”
But he grows impatient with your hesitance and takes it upon himself to grab you by the hips and yank you down on him so that you straddle him around the hips, making you sit directly on his—
“Jin!” You yell out in indignation, your face as hot as a furnace at this point as you grab at his vast shoulders for balance.
That smug bastard is as unfazed as always, “What?” he says with a cock of an eyebrow.
You tighten your grip on his shoulders, “Nothing,” you spit out, “You’re just really… skinny,” you say, dragging your nails down his torso as a punishment.
He snorts in response and grabs your hands to flatten against his chest, “Does it feel like I’m just skinny?” he says as he forces you to feel the hardness of his pecs.
“Yes,” you growl, “You bony ass bitch.”
His face scrunches into a scowl and he opens his mouth to offer you an undoubtedly biting retort, but at the moment, the front door swings open.
“Hey, ___, I’m back. How are—AH! What is that?” Lei squeals when she realizes that you’re lying on top of a man, “Wait, is that Kim Seokjin?!”
Your best friend awkwardly pops his head out, “Hi.”
“Oh my fucking god… Are you guys hooking up?!”
“…Uh…Yes?”
Jin winces at your robotic answer and tries to make up for it by smoothing a hand up your thigh, making you jump in surprise, “It’s been like a year now,” he informs her, “Where have you been?”
Lei just shakes her head as she puts down her grocery bags on the ground, “I should’ve known. You guys were always too close to just be friends.”
But that comment makes you frown, “What do you mean by that?”
Jin slaps a hand over your mouth, effectively shutting you up before you can question her further, “Just shut up while we’re still ahead,” he growls into your ear, “And fool around with me.”
“What are you talking about?!” you hiss back, alarmed.
Instead of responding, he splays a large hand across your lower back and shoves you flush against him. It takes everything in your power to keep from squealing out in surprise, but when Jin unexpectedly bites down on your earlobe, you can’t help the squeak from bursting out.
“The hell’s wrong with you?” he whispers in your ear, “Can’t you moan like a normal person?”
“I-I’m sorry? I just wasn’t expecting—eep!” you squeal again when he presses a kiss to the sensitive skin under your chin.
He pulls back with a sigh, “Why are you acting like this? You’re the one who wanted to cause a scene, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I did, but I—” You stop there, embarrassed. How can you explain that you were expecting to just roll around, faking it? How naïve could you be?
Jin sighs again, “Fine, you can suck on my neck instead,” he says, craning his head upward to allow you access.
You pause at that, gazing down at the sight before you with wide eyes. Here is the most attractive man you have ever seen in your entire life, laid out before you like a seven-course meal, just waiting for you to have a taste. Your mouth waters, and if not for your crippling embarrassment, you might have dived right in to eat him whole. But this is your best friend… your platonic best friend who has never seen you as a woman. He’s just doing this as a favor to you, and you won’t allow yourself take advantage of the situation and enjoy this too much…
Easier said than done.
The moment you lean your face down, his masculine scent overwhelms you, making you lightheaded at once. You silently say a prayer in your mind, then lean down to press your lips against his neck. It’s a dry kiss—just a peck of your lips to his skin, but it still makes shivers slide down your back. How many times have you imagined touching him like this? Back in the budding years of your friendship during college, this was all you could think about. It would drive you insane, fighting back your urges to touch him, and staying awake at night stewing over your jealousies of his new fling of the week. It can’t be healthy opening this door again, when you’ve been doing so well keeping non-platonic thoughts of your friend out of your mind for so long… But how can you resist?
When Jin makes no sound of protest, you grow bolder, greedily parting your lips, and before you can second-guess yourself, you flick your tongue over his pulse point. There’s a beat of silence, where you realize what you’ve done and crippling embarrassment fills you. You’re just about to sit up and beg for forgiveness, when Jin does something very unexpected. He weaves a hand through your hair and pushes your head closer.
“Jin,” you whisper against his neck, shocked by the action.
He simply hums in response, “Keep going.”
Your heart is fluttering like a little bird in its cage as you silently obey. As though intoxicated, you can’t help but plant a series of open-mouthed kisses across the expanse of his neck, admiring the way his muscles flex as he twists his head to allow you room. But when you graze your teeth across a prominent vein, he suddenly groans.
“Do that again.”
The low, rumbly quality of his voice makes shivers wrack your body as you jump to do as he says. You gently sink your teeth into a patch of skin under his ear and soothe over the bite marks with your tongue until he groans again. You know that the sounds are probably for show—to feign pleasure to your snooping roommate, but you can’t help the way they send heat straight to your core.
Another few seconds of this, and Jin begins to shift from underneath you, presumably from discomfort. Instantly feeling guilty for sitting on him so heavily, you spring up to relieve him of your weight. But you’re a bit fuzzy with arousal and miscalculate your movements, unintentionally sliding down on him further… until your thigh rams into a strange hardness in the left leg of his jeans… wait could that be—?
“Ugh, how long are you two going to continue doing that?!” Lei’s shrill voice breaks you from your reverie.
You spring away from Jin as though burned, “Wh-what?” your voice is trembling, but you can’t help it.
Lei glowers at you from across the room, “I am trying to make dinner here.”
As though completely unperturbed by what had just occurred on the couch, Jin smoothly answers for you, “What’s wrong, Lei?” he asks with a perfectly arched brow, “Does this bother you?”
She glares back, “Not at all,” she spits through gritted teeth. “You know what? I’ll just eat out.” And with that, she snatches her purse off the counter and marches out the door.
You flinch as the door slams after her. Then you turn to stare at Jin with wide eyes, “Oh my god… I can’t believe that actually worked.”
He chuckles, “I told you it would, didn’t I?”
You laugh along with him, even as you peel yourself off his body and slide to the floor, “Thanks, Jin. She actually believed it! Now she’ll think before hooking up with a guy in our common space again!”
“Great. Just let me know if you need my help again,” he says as he rises to his feet.
“Wait, are you going somewhere?” you ask in confusion as you watch him pick up his phone from the coffee table and slip it into his pocket.
“Yeah, I have work in the morning. I should go home and prepare.”
“But I thought we were going to get dinner after this?”
“Next time,” he says as he makes his way to the door.
You’re a bit stung by his cold rejection. He doesn’t even have the decency to look at you as he blows off your dinner plans. Normally, you’d scold him for this kind of behavior, but this time, you’re a bit relieved that he’s leaving after such an awkward encounter.
“Ok. I’ll text you?”
“Yeah. See you later,” and without a second glance, he walks straight out of your apartment.
As soon as the door closes behind him, you collapse into an undignified pile on the ground, groaning weakly and clutching at your still pounding heart. What the hell had happened back there?!
*********************************************************************************
Unfortunately, it becomes apparent over the next week that your ploy with Jin did not work at all. Lei brings home a new guy less than three days after your romp on the couch, and to your utmost dismay, they go at it all night long. You’re basically a walking zombie the next day at school, horrifying your lab mates by the way you hog the French press throughout the entire day.
By the time you finally leave lab that evening, you’d like nothing more than to just faceplant in bed hibernate for about a decade. You trudge into your apartment complex, let yourself in through the front door, and nearly jump out of your skin in surprise at the sight of Kim Seokjin chilling on the couch.
“AHH! You scared me!” You exclaim, clutching your heart in fear, “How did you get in here?!”
“Your doorman recognized me and let me in the building,” Jin informs you, completely unfazed by your dramatic reaction.
“Oh… that makes sense… Wait, no! How did you get into my apartment?!”
“I have a spare key.”
“Oh…” You say, blinking at the realization. Then—“Wait, what?! How do you have a spare key?!”
“Your mom gave me one.”
“She did what?!”
“Shh. Keep your voice down. You’re so noisy,” he says with a wince. “I wouldn’t have had to barge in here if you would just pick up your phone… Why are you so late?”
“Late for what? …Oh shit. We were supposed to have dinner tonight, weren’t we?!” Wide-eyed, you dive for your phone, and sure enough, there are three missed calls, all from Jin. “I’m sorry, I don’t have service on the subway.”
He scoffs, “I could’ve just picked you up from lab.”
You hastily shake your head at the very thought of it, “Seriously, it’s not a big deal…”
“Fine… what do you want to eat?”
You hesitate, “Jin… it’s always nice to eat out with you… but maybe it’d be nicer to get take out?”
He squints at you in suspicion, “What’s up with you?”
Damn! How did he see through you so quickly? You widen your eyes, trying to play innocent, “Nothing! I just… wouldn’t this be more convenient?”
Still, he scrutinizes you from head to toe with those sharp eyes of his, “Why are you saying this? And why do you look so terrible? Do you have manuscript deadlines again?”
“No, that’s not it,” you quickly say, not wanting to worry him.
“Midterms? Bad meeting with your advisor?”
“No, no. None of those. Seriously, don’t worry. I just didn’t sleep well last night and I’m kinda tired.”
He leans forward so far that his nose nearly brushes you, making you instinctively jump back in surprise, “It’s Lei again, isn’t it?”
You freeze at that, like a deer caught in the headlights, “N-no?”
But he sees through you like you’re transparent, “Ugh, so our scheme didn’t work?”
You awkwardly drop your eyes to your feet as vivid memories of what had transpired between the two of you in this very room come flashing back, “No, I don’t think so… But hey at least we tried, right?”
You don’t have to look up to know that he’s boiling with anger, “Hell no!” he curses, “Are you seriously going to let that asshole get away with it? No, we’re just going to have to think bigger!” He dramatically declares.
“Jin…”
“Trust me, ___we’ll make her regret messing around with you like this.”
“Ok…” you warily agree, “If you say so…” but you can’t shake the excitement that bubbles in your chest at the thought of what he has in store for you.
*********************************************************************************
The next day, you find yourself propped up on the kitchen counter with Jin standing between your legs.
“When is Lei coming home?” he asks as he casually rubs his large hands over your thighs.
But you’re too distracted by the feeling of his warm palms on your bare skin that you can’t think, let alone respond. Why did you choose to wear shorts today, of all days…?
“___?” he says your name in confusion when you take too long to respond.
You jerk your head up in surprise, “Y-yes?”
He frowns at your strange behavior, “Your roommate… Lei. When is she coming back?”
“I… um…” you blink hazily at him, too mesmerized by the beauty of his perfectly symmetrical features up close to process his words, “What?”
He raises an eyebrow, and tries to ask the question for the third time, when there’s the sound of a key in the lock. “Hurry and kiss me.”
“W-what?!”
But at that moment, he reaches forward to cup your face in both hands and presses his lips against yours. The door slides open, and Lei curses at what she finds in the kitchen, but you barely notice. You’re too fully engrossed in the heady sensation of Jin’s silken lips sliding against your own.
“Hi guys, I’m home!” Lei practically yells to catch your attention.
Jin pecks your lips one more time before he pulls away to flash her a displeased look over his shoulder, “Hey.” And with that, he leans in to kiss you again.
Normally, you’d be embarrassed by this public display of affection, especially with your best friend of the last half-decade. But you can’t process anything other than the fact that the most beautiful man on planet earth is kissing you… finally. Never in a million years would you have ever predicted such a thing.
“What are you doing?” Jin whispers to you between long, languid kisses, “Kiss me back.”
That makes you realize that you’ve been completely still this whole time, unable to move one inch from fear as you passively accept his kisses. Tentatively, you begin to move your lips against his, but as soon as you reciprocate, Jin suddenly freezes. For a moment, you’re terrified that you’ve offended him somehow. Are you a terrible kisser? Do you disgust him?
But less than half a second passes before he emits a sound from the back of his throat that sounds suspiciously like a moan, then deepens the kiss. Surprised by the action, your hand instinctively flattens against his chest, but you’re unsure if this is to push him back or urge him closer. Jin interprets it as the latter and steps forward until he’s flush against you, forcing you to feel the hard lines of his body.
You must be possessed. There’s no other way to explain it. Why else would you take it upon yourself to explore the firmness of his torso with interest? It is completely unlike you to boldly slip your hands under his thin t-shirt and grope at the tight muscles of his stomach like a fucking pervert.
To make matters worse, Jin doesn’t provide an ounce of resistance as he eagerly arches into your touch and slides his hand from your face to grab at your hips instead. Then, he suddenly grabs at your thighs, forcing them to lock around his waist. And that’s when you feel it again. The strange hardness in his jeans that you felt a week ago during that incident on the couch. And there is no fucking way of mistaking it this time: Kim Seokjin is aroused. He has a fucking boner that you caused. What the fuck is happening?!
At that realization, heady arousal slams into you with the force of a sledgehammer. All you can think about is grinding against his erection. You want to touch him, kiss him, feel him all over. But most of all, you just want to make him feel good. It’s more than a desire at this point, but a raw need. At this point, you are so drunk off the sensations of his hard body pressed against yours and his sinful tongue sliding down your throat that you almost do something very stupid. Your hands dart to his belt, tingling with the need to touch him—
But the hard slam of a door makes you break away from him with a little yelp.
“You guys are fucking disgusting,” Lei mutters under her breath as she escapes to her bedroom.
There’s a brief moment of disoriented tension between you and Jin where all that can be heard in the kitchen is your heavy pants. But then he steps away from you, leaving you cold from the lack of contact.
“Jin…” you whisper in a small voice, “Wh-what was that?”
Despite his harsh breathing, your best friend seems relatively unaffected by what had just transpired between the two of you. He nonchalantly shrugs, “What do you mean?”
You stare at him for a moment, but the sight of his flustered appearance, with his full lips swollen by your kisses and his cheeks tinged a rosy shade of pink, only makes the voracious desire in the pit of your stomach flare with need. You tear your eyes away, “I… I don’t know. I think… I think we may have taken that too far.”
“Whatever. It worked, right?” his tone is unexpectedly cold as he responds.
You glance up in surprise before lowering your gaze again, “Yeah… but what just happened… um… should we talk about it?”
“What’s there to talk about?” he snaps, “We took it too far, right? We’re just friends, right?”
“Right…” you hesitantly reply, wondering what you’ve said to piss him off so much, “Just friends… nothing else… It’s not like we’re attracted to each other or anything crazy like that…” you say, praying that he’ll object to that obvious lie. The burning erection in his pants is undeniable proof otherwise.
He snorts, making you look up in hopeful surprise, “Don’t you even try lying to my face.”
“…Jin?”
“There’s no way you’re not attracted to me, so don’t even try with that bullshit.”
That was not what you were expecting at all. Angered by his arrogance, you flash him the deadliest glare that you can muster, “You’re so full of yourself, Kim Seokjin. Do you really think that every girl in this universe wants to hop on that dick?”
“Of course not,” he smoothly says, “but you clearly do.”
“How is your head so fucking big?” you snap, horrified by how spot-on he is with that assessment. “And look who’s talking: you were hard as a rock, asshole.”
Jin’s eyes pop open, as though shocked that you’ve noticed. “Yeah, so what?” he spits back, even as he awkwardly hovers both hands over his crotch area, “I’m human, of course I’m gonna pop a boner if someone’s fondling me in such a perverse way! Don’t think you’re special.”
Your face heats at the insult, “Really? So you weren’t attracted to me at all? You would’ve just popped a boner for anyone?”
“Yeah, exactly,” he says with a glare, “It’s just like masturbating, isn’t it? Being touched feels good.”
“Great,” you growl, “Well you can go take care of that yourself, dickface.”
“Or you could do it for me.”
That makes you stop in your tracks, “Wh-what?”
He rolls his eyes at your dramatic response, “Don’t get any ideas in that simple little mind of yours. It’ll just feel a bit better than my own hand.”
Anger flares in your chest from his condescending tone, and before you know what you’re doing, you’ve reached over to grab him roughly through the pants. “Does this feel just a bit better than your own hand?” you mock him as you massage his erection with both hands.
Jin licks his swollen bottom lip before shooting you a glare relatively devoid of any real anger, “Barely.”
Your eyes flash, and then you’re reaching into his pants to grab his bare cock. This time, Jin can’t help his instinctive reaction to your touch, doubling over as though he’d been punched, “___!”
You ignore him to squeeze what you can of his length in the restrictive confines of his pants. “Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop.”
His eyes dart to yours, “Don’t you fucking dare do that or I swear to god, ___.”
You resist a shiver at the sound of his uncharacteristically deep voice that’s dropped an entire octave with arousal. Drunk on his reactions, you would happily obey, but a new thought pops in your mind about how the two of you aren’t alone. You pause and try to remove your hand from inside his pants, but Jin quickly grabs your wrist, fearful that you might leave him hanging, “Lei could come out and see us,” you remind him in a hushed voice.
He relaxes slightly at that, “Then we’ll go into your room,” And without waiting for a response, he drags you in that direction.
He practically bursts into your bedroom and kicks the door shut behind him. You blush at the sight of your messy, unmade bed, but Jin gives zero fucks as he eagerly sprawls across your sheets and yanks at his belt. As you watch him, you can’t help but feel a bit of trepidation. This is your best friend of half a decade. If you cross this line, you might as well be flushing years of friendship down the toilet. What are you doing right now?
But at that moment, Jin finally gets his belt undone and yanks down his pants and boxers without a second thought, his hard dick instantly bouncing up to slap against his stomach. As soon as your eyes land on his throbbing length, you’re done for. All thoughts about the ethics of this situation drop from your mind as you crawl onto the bed after him, eyes fixated on his bare cock and practically salivating at the sight.
Jin watches you from under hooded lids, seemingly nonchalant as he lays back against your headboards, hands propped behind his head, but when you grab him in your warm hand again, his entire body spasms.
You can’t get over the feeling of him in your hand, so hard and big, yet velvety-soft to the touch. And the way he keeps twitching, as though trying to jump closer to the heat of your hand, is intoxicating.
You gently squeeze him from base to tip, marveling when copious amounts of precum slide down his cock from your action. It slickens your movements, allowing you to give him longer, harder strokes with each passing second.
After a minute or so, Jin suddenly crashes his head back against the wall with a loud groan of frustration. Startled, you look up at him, and nearly jump out of your skin in surprise to find him already staring down at you, his gaze so heated that you feel almost painfully hot in your own skin.
“Jin…” you whisper his name, cringing at the dry, broken quality of your voice. You lick your lips for moisture, ignoring the way his eyes lock on the gesture, and try again, “Jin, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he says, but the word comes out as a strangled groan, “Fuck.”
No matter what bullshit he tries to tell you, you know that he likes this. He likes this a lot, if the way he shivers and pants, his hands clenching and unclenching in the sheets underneath him is any indication. His teeth are gritted so hard that you can see a muscle jumping in his cheek, revealing just how difficult it must be for him to hold back his sounds.
You pout slightly at the realization. You’d like nothing more than to hear him moan for you. But you have a role to play here—you’re supposed to be completely indifferent, and begging for him to moan your name would ruin that purpose, no matter how much you want it. Somehow, you still value your ego more. Just like he does.
So you pump him harder, lowering your eyes to your work to avoid the heat of his gaze, and biting down hard on your bottom lip to resist the urge to taste him… The hot precum leaking from his tip is so tempting, but you force yourself to stay strong. You can’t let him win, like he always does. Not this time. It’s been your mission in life to prove to him that you’re not just another one of his fawning fangirls hanging onto his every word. You refuse to be that person… maybe because you want to be more than just that to him…
If you let your emotions take control right now, then you’ll be doomed. You’ll let him know how much you care… How much you’ve always cared about him. And then he’ll just laugh you off, like probably does with all the other love-struck admirers. You stand no chance. This will be as much as you’ll ever get from him.
And with that in mind, you suddenly slow down your pace, realizing that this is the only chance you’ll get to ever touch him. You close your eyes as you try to remember every detail—the weight of his cock in your hand, the very texture and warmth; his ragged breathing and the way he looks, whole body drenched in sweat. It’s then that you realize with a sinking heart that no man will ever compare. That this is it.
“Fuck, ___,” Jin groans, tearing you away from your thoughts, “Are you trying to kill me?”
You ignore him to wring your fist up his length, paying special attention to the sensitive head of his cock.
Jin curses again, “Fucking hell, ____! Why are you doing this to me?” He shifts in obvious discomfort on the bed, hips lifting towards your stingy touch.
“What do you mean?” you say as you examine his heavy, pulsating erection. It’s so hot and red, you can only imagine that he’s practically at his bursting point. You almost feel sorry for him. But if he hates this so much, he can just get himself off. His hands are just about as good as yours, apparently.
Jin throws his head back and groans deeply when you slide a thumb across his slit, “You’re fucking doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”
“Why would I do that?” you snort, “Aren’t you just getting a little desperate?”
“Yeah, because I want to fucking cum and you’re making it impossible,” he spits back, “Why are you so lazy? Why can’t you put in some fucking effort?”
“I’m just not interested,” You smoothly lie through your teeth, “This is so boring to me.”
“If we’re just friends and you’re not attracted to me whatsoever, then why the fuck are you even doing this?” Jin growls.
He’s got you there. “And if you’re not attracted to me either, then why do you want this so badly?” you shoot back, instead of addressing his question.
“Because your hands are soft and I want to fucking cum on them!” he practically snarls, “Don’t you dare think this has anything to do with you.”
Your nostrils flare in anger, and you’re almost tempted to just drop his cock and stomp out of the room. But that would mean that you’ve let him get under your skin. And you’re determined to not let him affect you one bit.
“Fine,” you snap. And with that, you begin jerking him off as fast as you can.
Jin’s entire form crumples at once, as he practically folds his larger frame over you. He’s a bit slow with his reactions this time and doesn’t have the self-control to hold himself back before a strangled moan tears through the room.
You ignore him and the wetness in your underwear as you impatiently stroke him towards his orgasm. His precum is still flowing, but it’s not quite enough, and you quickly duck your head to spit on him to further lubricate your movements.
Clearly not expecting that, Jin shouts out your name, astonished by the vulgar action, “___!”
“Shut up,” you growl in response, redoubling your efforts. He’s so close right now. You can feel it viscerally as if it was your own pleasure. The way his arms shake with the effort to keep him upright, the way his breathing goes haywire, and the way every muscle in his body tenses like a coil… He’s either on the edge or right there. And true to your expectations, it only takes another minute of your harsh pumping before he’s suddenly latching out to grab you with both hands.
“Fuck!” he shouts, entire body trembling as he bursts all over your hands. Any semblance of self-control disappears at that instant, where he helplessly jerks his hips up into your hand, desperate for more friction.
You patiently stroke him through his orgasm, using his excessive cum as lubrication. He meets you stroke for stroke, and the fluid motions of his hips makes your mouth go dry. You’ve never seen anything so fucking hot as Kim Seokjin when consumed mindless by his powerful orgasm.
But all good things must come to an end, and a few seconds later, he pushes away your hands with a shiver of overstimulation. You reluctantly withdraw and stare down at your cum-coated hands. For a second, you’re nearly overcome with the need to taste him by sucking his cum off of your fingers one by one. Somehow, you resist and reach over to pluck a few tissues from the nightstand, “Ew.”
Jin is still breathing too hard to respond. He shakily brushes his sweaty bangs off his forehead and tucks his spent length back in his pants, “Sh-shut up.”
You ignore him to reach for the hand sanitizer instead, intentionally rubbing it on in front of him to prove a point.
A heavy silence suffuses the room, and you have no idea how to address it as you carry on with your act. You realize that the logical course of action is to kick him out of your apartment… But you don’t really want to do that.
“Come on,” Jin says, breaking through the tension, “Lie on your back. I’ll eat you out or something.”
But the way he says it makes it sound like a chore, and your face heats at the implication, “Forget it, asshole. Don’t even front. I know what a selfish bastard you are.”
His brow furrows with indignation, “What the fuck? I’ll prove to you just how wrong you are. Get on your back, kid.”
Clearly that was the wrong thing to say to him as it just encouraged his competitive drive. You try a different approach, “No way. Why do you think I would ever want that?”
“Are you still playing this game? Calm down and let me rub one out for you.”
His crassness makes you shrivel up in embarrassment. There’s nothing you’d want more, but you know that the moment you drop your pants, he’ll realize how turned on you are… You’ve already soaked through your panties at this point, and you wouldn’t be surprised if you left a stain against the bed sheets. And he can’t know how aroused you are from just pleasuring him. You would never survive the embarrassment.
“Stop it,” you say, “Just leave me alone.”
You’re not sure if you’re more relieved or disappointed when he concedes. “Fine,” he bites out, “I didn’t want to go through that effort anyways, so you spared me.”
That stings more than it should. “Whatever. Just go home, asshole.”
Jin doesn’t even look at you as he angrily buttons his pants and yanks his clothes back into place. Then, without sparing you a single word, he marches straight out of your bedroom. You count down from ten in your head, and the moment you hear the front door slam shut, you collapse onto your bed with a deep groan. It feels like all the energy has left your body, making you feel exhausted enough to sleep for a decade.
What you had just done to Jin… That was single-handedly the sexiest experience of your life. And yet… why do you feel so empty?
*********************************************************************************
You don’t speak to Jin for the next week. For most friends, this is a pretty normal occurrence. But you and Jin are so close that it’s odd to not speak to him for even a day, much less an entire week. The first few days are tough. You almost forget that you’re fighting multiple times throughout the week, and pick up your phone to complain to him about the harsh feedback your advisor’s sent you, or the annoying thing Lei’s done this time, before you collect yourself.
But when the 10-day mark rolls by, you feel your defenses crumbling. You find yourself pausing in the hallway outside of your apartment, staring down at your dry phone with a frown. Normally Fridays are your bi-weekly dinner dates with Jin. It’s been a tradition between the two of you since you were in your second year of university. Surely, he wouldn’t be petty enough to forget this… right?
You’re about to pull up Jin’s contact in your phone to call him when a family of four nearly plow you over in their hurry to the elevator.
“Sorry, Miss!” the frazzled mother yells out before she shoos her children into the elevator.
It’s too hazardous to stand out here in the busy hallway, so you quickly unlock the front door of your apartment unit and let yourself in before hitting the green “call” button. You’re just about to toss your keys on the counter when a loud vibration makes you jump in surprise. Oh, you thought you were home alone. Lei was supposed to be out until late tonight. You look up to greet her, but the smile slides right off your face when you find someone much bigger than Lei sitting in the living room. The keys slip between your fingers to fall to the ground with a loud clatter.
“Oh, shit.”
But Jin beats you to it, rushing across the room to pick up your fallen keys for you, “Here,” he says as he hands them to you.
“Thanks,” you resist the urge to shiver as his fingers brush yours. Then you drop your gaze to your feet, too overwhelmed by his sudden appearance to look him in the eye, “Jin, what are you doing here?”
“Tch, don’t tell me you forgot about our dinner night?”
You peek up at him in embarrassment, “Really…? You’re not still mad at me?”
He rolls his eyes at that, “How can I be mad at you for something so stupid? Come on. Put down your backpack and let’s go.”
Suddenly overwhelmed with emotion, you lurch forward to throw your arms around his neck in a painfully tight embrace, “I’m sorry, Jin!”
He chuckles as he hugs you back, “Don’t be, ___... Seriously. Don’t be.”
You’re not sure what he means by that, but you don’t care. All you know is that you have your best friend back, “Let’s never do anything so stupid again.”
His smile doesn’t reach his eyes when he finally lets you go, “If you say so.”
*********************************************************************************
Jin insists on walking you back to your apartment after dinner (even though his car is parked just on the curb), and you decide that it’s only proper to invite him in for a drink. But as Jin watches you fumble around in the kitchen with a beer in his hand, he suddenly shoots you with an unexpected question:
“Hey, ___, have you ever thought about me as more than a friend?”
You nearly drop the glass you had been cleaning in shock, “Wh-what?”
“We’ve been friends for a long time. Surely you must have thought about it one time or the other?” he calls out as casually as if he was discussing the weather.
You slowly put down the glass as you deliberate your next words carefully. But how can you evade the question without straight-up lying to his face? “I… I’m not sure why you’re asking me that,” you slowly say.
Jin sighs deeply and plops down his beer on the coffee table, “Stop cleaning and come sit with me for a second.”
There’s no way you can reject that simple request without appearing suspicious, so you reluctantly wipe your hands and join him, “What’s up, Jin?” you ask as you cautiously take a seat next to him on the couch and fold your legs underneath yourself.
He pauses for a moment, fiddling with the hem of his oversized cream sweater, before speaking, “I know that I’m not your type. That’s what you’ve been telling me since we first met. But surely over the past five years that we’ve been friends, it must have crossed your mind at one point or the other, right?”
You gnaw on your bottom lip, unsure of his intentions behind this line of questioning, but terrified, nevertheless, “I’m not sure what you mean, Jin.”
He sighs in frustration before trying again, “Come on, ___. You can be honest here… Have you ever thought about fucking me?”
Your mouth instantly goes dry at his question, and for a moment it feels like you can’t breathe. “Wh-what are you--? Why… I-I never!” you choke on your words, then hurriedly backtrack to try to fix your mistake, “I mean, I’m not blind. I can admit that you’re objectively hot, but that doesn’t mean that I want to—” You break off, embarrassed beyond belief, “God, Jin! Where the hell is this coming from?!”
But the tall dark-haired man purses his lips together tightly and steamrolls on, “Really, ___? So you’re trying to tell me that in our five years of friendship, not once did you ever think about me sexually?”
You take a moment to inhale deeply and brace yourself, “Never,” you lie through your teeth.
His eyes narrow, “Really?”
“Really.”
He cocks his head to the side as he considers you, brow furrowed as though deep in thought. Then, he unexpectedly lets out a bark of laughter, “Bullshit.”
Your eyes widen in shock, “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Bullshit,” he growls, “I know it’s not all in my head. I know that you want me, ___.”
Your face heats with indignation, “What the fuck’s gotten into you these days?!” you seethe, “I know how you act with the other girls, but can you keep your oversized ego in check with me at least?!”
“Fine, if you’re not the least bit attracted to me, then come here,” he says, grabbing you by the hands to drag you closer to him on the couch so that your thighs touch, “Do you really feel nothing when I’m this close to you?”
“No!” You exclaim at once, though you can’t help the way your body floods with warmth at the feeling of his hands on your skin.
“Really? Look at me, ___. You seriously don’t want to kiss me right now?”
“No, not at all!” you shriek as you try to rip your hands out of his grip, but he’s a lot stronger than you expected.
“So what you’re trying to say is that you feel nothing for me,” he presses on, a strange desperation flashing in his eyes before he quickly masks it, “There is absolutely no attraction between us, and you’ll only ever see me as a friend?”
“Yes,” you lie, since it’s all you’re good at, “I don’t like you, Seokjin, and I never will.”
At that, he drops your wrists as though burned, “Alright,” he mutters in a bitter tone, “I understand.”
You suck in a deep breath through your teeth to try to calm your pounding heart. It doesn’t work. “Good,” you whisper in a hoarse tone. Then you rise to your knees and smash your lips to his.
Jin is completely still for the longest, most devastating second of your life. You’re about to furiously apologize then throw yourself out the window in disgrace when he suddenly grabs you by the back of the neck and forcibly deepens the kiss. And then his tongue is in your mouth, boldly pressing past your teeth and curling with yours as his fingers tighten around your neck, holding you captive.
His kisses are nothing like the modest, chaste ones he gave you in the kitchen a week and a half ago. This time he’s on the edge of violent, devouring you whole and holding onto you so hard that you have zero chance of escape. It’s as though he’s afraid that you might try to leave again. But you wouldn’t even if you could. Because this has been five whole years in the making. You’ve wanted him since the first time you laid eyes on him. And now that you’ve finally got him…
You feel like you’re drowning under the heat of his touch. It’s like the blood rushing through your veins has turned to molten lava, burning you from the inside out. You’re completely powerless as you get swept up by your desires, like a leaf in the wind. All you can do is relish the sensations, clinging onto Jin with both hands as you silently beg him for more.
And he does not disappoint. Without missing a beat or breaking the heated kiss, Jin shoves both hands up your shirt, hot fingers trailing along your stomach and ribcage for a second before he boldly grabs your breasts. You gasp into his mouth in surprise, and the sound turns into a guttural moan when Jin slides his mouth from yours to suck deep bruises into the tender skin under your jaw. The multitude of sensations leaves you breathless. But before you can rip off your shirt to allow him better access, Jin suddenly jumps up and hauls you off your feet with formidable strength you weren’t aware he possessed.
His lips are on yours again before you can comment on this new development, distracting you with hot kisses until your back hits something springy. You break from the kiss with a yelp of surprise to find yourself in your bedroom, pressed flat against your messy sheets as Jin continues to mouth at the crook of your neck. Somehow, he had carried you to your room when you were unaware. And now that he’s not limited by the awkward positioning of your bodies on the couch, he’s able to lower himself on top of you, trapping you under his broad frame with no restrictions.
“Jin!” You yell out in shock when a shift of his hips has you feeling the painfully hard erection in his jeans for the first time.
He ignores you to yank on one of your legs, forcing it to wrap around his waist and allowing himself surface area to grind against as he loses himself to his lust. And then it hits you like a slap to the face that this is actually happening. That this isn’t going to be some casual make out session or another quick handjob. That after all of these years of fantasizing and waiting, you’re finally going to have sex with Kim Seokjin. This is actually happening.
“Seokjin,” you murmur his name when he begins nipping down to your cleavage, making him freeze in his tracks.
“…Yes?” He asks as he stares up at you with fearful wide eyes. You instantly recognize the trepidation in them, confusing you for a moment before awareness dawns upon you. He’s scared… because he thinks that you might ask him to stop. And you know that he would. He would do it in a heartbeat if that’s what you wanted. But he’s so aroused that it wouldn’t be anything short of excruciating.
So you giggle softly to dispel his fears and affectionately lean up to nip his earlobe, “Take off your clothes, Jin,” you whisper in his ear.
Your sultry request incites something within him, because less than a second passes before he’s shooting up onto his haunches and ripping off his clothes at lightning speed. You gasp out loud at the sight of his bare chest, hungry fingers darting to touch the hard muscle, but before you can make contact, Jin pushes your hands away to undress you as well. In a blink of an eye, your shirt hits the ground along with your bra. Jin pauses for a moment there, distracted by the mouthwatering sight of your breasts, but quickly refocuses when you wiggle out of your jeans and carelessly kick them off to the ground, leaving you decked in only a pair of thin cotton underwear. And together, the two of you peel them off your legs, leaving you entirely naked before him.
“Fuck,” he curses, eyes shamelessly devouring you from head to toe as he runs his tongue over his lips over and over, practically salivating at the sight of your bare body spread out across the sheets.
Embarrassed, you try to cover yourself with your hands, “Jin…”
He possessively rips your hands from your body and pins them above your head, “Don’t you dare cover yourself from me,” he growls before covering your lips with his swollen red ones again.
His grip is as strong as steel around your wrists and you couldn’t break free even if you wanted to. You never knew that your handsome, princely best friend possessed such strength, and it’s sexy to say the least. He had always seemed almost delicate, like he would be flimsy in bed, but you could’ve have been more wrong. It feels like a wall of concrete is closing in on you, surprisingly well-defined muscles rippling with every movement, and you feel light-headed from the intensity of your arousal.
“Fuck me, Jin,” you beg as you careen your hips up for friction.
He curses softly at this, but somehow resists, instead slipping his hand down to cup your mound, “How are you so fucking wet?” he asks in shock as he easily slides a finger inside of you.
You clench down on him at once, moaning at the sensations when he begins curling his finger inside of you. But it’s not enough. Not when you know how big and thick his cock is, and how much more nicely it’d fill you up than his slender fingers. “Seokjin,” you whine, “Please just fuck me.”
He bites down on his plump bottom lip at that, but somehow manages to refuse you with a shake of his head, “No. I gotta stretch you out first, baby. So I don’t hurt you.”
“I can take it, Jin!” you exclaim, practically thrashing underneath him when he slips another finger inside of you, rocking them both up against your g-spot in a way that makes you see stars in your vision.
Jin groans softly as you clench around him as hard as you can, clearly imagining his dick in the place of his fingers… which he could easily have, if he wasn’t so damn stubborn. “N-not yet,” he says, but the tremble of his voice gives him away.
“Please!” you mindlessly beg, “I want your dick so bad, I’m going to die if you don’t fuck me right now! Please, Jin!”
He falters at that, and when you lean up to bite down at the thick muscle of his neck, Jin’s resolve crumbles entirely. “Fuck, okay,” he breathlessly agrees, and with one last harsh twist of his thumb against your clit, he rises onto his knees to yank at his belt. “Get a condom.”
You’re so distracted by the residues of pleasure that continue to buzz in your system that you can’t process his words for a moment. But when you finally do, you hastily shake your head, horrified by the very thought, “I’m on birth control… And we know each other. You’re clean, right?”
“Yes, of course!”
“Then please cum inside of me, Seokjin,” you purr, wrapping both legs around his waist and rubbing your drenched slit against the front of his crotch.
His eyes darken at that, and in a blink of an eye, he has his jeans and underwear shoved to mid-thigh and his burning hot erection gripped in his hand. You can’t help the gasp that tears from your throat at the sight. He’s bigger than you remember. Not only is he long, but unbelievably wide in girth. You like dick as much as anyone else, but this is almost excessive. For a split second, trepidation breaks through the cloud of arousal. There’s no way he will fit… not without a great deal of pain, at least.
Jin senses your hesitation, and he lowers his head to give you a soft, reassuring kiss, “I told you to give me time to stretch you out,” he says as he gently slides the flat of his cock against your pussy lips.
That snaps you out of it, and you quickly shake your head, absolutely resolute as you spread your thighs for him, “I don’t care. Do it next time. Right now, I just need you to fuck me before I go insane!”
Jin pauses at that, “Next time…?”
You ignore him to lift your hips up, grinding your sopping wet pussy against his dick, “Please just put it in, Jin!”
He chokes back a groan at that and licks his lips, “Fuck, alright.” And his former line of questioning lost through this distraction, he shakily presses the head of his cock against your entrance, biting down hard on his bottom lip when it pops past the barrier, allowing him to sink in a good inch or two before he forces himself to stop. “A-are you okay?” he asks, voice quivering as hard as the arms trying to brace themselves on either side of your head.
It’s a bit uncomfortable having your entrance stretched this wide to accommodate his girth, but it’s not intolerable. So you nod your head and spread your legs wider, allowing him a full two more inches into your delicious heat before you press a hand against his stomach to stop him. “Ow, give me a moment,” you say with a wince.
He jerks his head in a curt nod, trying to be respectful of your needs, even as his hands grip around the sheets tightly enough to turn his knuckles white. In the minute he allows you, he restlessly noses around your neck, darting his tongue out to taste random spots, as though seeking any distraction to keep from shoving the rest of his cock inside of you like he desperately desires.
Taking pity on him, you raise your hips to meet his until you’ve got nearly half of his enormous cock inside of you. Already, it’s a bit more of a stretch than you can handle, and your body automatically attempts to push this foreign item out of you by tightening and squeezing around him. It’s completely instinctive, like a knee-jerk reflex, and you realize too late that it’s the absolute worst thing you could do to a man with his self-control shred to tatters.
The moment he feels your walls clamping around him as tight as a vice, Jin throws his head back with a gasp, then slams the rest of his length inside of you with a single jerk of his hips.
You’re suddenly overwhelmed, filled to the hilt, and you’re sure he’s hit your cervix by the sharp pain that stabs your lower stomach upon impact, but you wouldn’t dare stop him. Even the pain is poignant, the sharpness chased by the sweetest aftertaste of pleasure that has you hungry for more.
“A-are you okay?” he breathlessly asks, even as he begins to surge forward in your heat, hips immediately picking up a rapid pace.
“Yes!” You yell out, “Please don’t stop.”
“Fuck,” he curses as he digs his fingers into your thighs hard enough to bruise. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, you feel so good.”
You wrap your legs tighter around his narrow waist in response, silently urging him on as he literally fucks the thoughts out of your mind. As a result, neither of you notice the bang of the front door swinging open until a voice calls out—
“___, I’m home!”
You stiffen at the sound of Lei’s voice and dig your nails into Jin’s back to keep him from moving, “Shit,” you whisper, eyes wide with fear at getting caught, “We need to be quiet!”
Jin’s hot pants fill the air as he struggles to hold himself still inside of your hot pussy when all he wants to do is fuck you into oblivion. He manages exactly ten seconds before his eyes flash dangerously, “Fuck that shit,” and with that, he pulls back on his heels and slams into you so hard that your entire body knocks back into the headboard, and a scream of his name come tearing from the back of your throat before you can help it.
“Seokjin!”
There’s the sound of something clanging noisily as it hits the ground in the other room, followed by Lei’s cursing, “What the fuck…?”
Jin laughs under his breath as he continues to drill into you, delighting in the shrieks and bubbles of noise you helplessly emit. “Fuck, ____,” he moans dramatically, so that his voice can be heard through the thin walls, “You feel so good.”
You bite down on your bottom lip to hold back your laughter as you catch onto his wicked plan, “Oh Jin, please fuck me harder!” you wantonly moan at the top of your lungs, “Harder, baby, harder!”
Jin flashes you a brilliant grin before reaching up to bang his fist against the headboard, the loud thuds echoing throughout the room, “Like this, baby?” he half-yells, even though he has fallen motionless inside of you.
“Fuck yes!” You scream so loudly that even Jin jumps in surprise.
That is the last straw, and a second later, you hear the front door opening, “You guys are fucking disgusting!” Lei shrieks in the shrillest voice imaginable before slamming the door shut.
There’s a brief moment of silence before Jin blinks at you, “Do you think we finally got your revenge?”
“I sure hope so… What more can we do?”
A stunning smile stretches across Jin’s handsome face as he peers down at you, “Want to take this to her bed instead?”
You stare at him with huge eyes for split second, shocked beyond belief. He stares back with a raised eyebrow. Then, the tension breaks and the two of you burst into hysterical laughter.
“This is crazy!” you yelp as tears fill your eyes from how hard you’re laughing. This whole thing is just so ridiculous! Not in a million years did you ever imagine yourself to end up in such a wild situation! You clutch your aching tummy as you continue to be overcome by peals of laughter, and as a result, you don’t notice that Jin has fallen deathly silent until he suddenly grabs you by the hips with a snarl.
The laughter dies in your chest as you take in the sudden intensity of his cold stare, “Jin…?”
He tightens his grip around your hips when you shift around to try to look at him better, “Stop. Fucking. Moving.”
You instantly obey, freezing to ice as the implications of his words hit you like a ton of bricks. Your hearty laughter, with him buried deep inside of you, has probably shaken him up in the most agonizing way possible… Flustered, you nervously chuckle, unintentionally constricting and vibrating around his cock again.
Jin falls on top of you with a tortured groan, hands sinking into the pillow on either side of your head as he helplessly drives his hips forward into your warmth, “I thought I told you to stop moving,” he hisses as he pulls out just to ram himself inside of you, up to the hilt. And just like that, the tension breaks as the desire to cum rushes back, ten-fold.
“Oh my god, Jin,” you groan as he begins to mercilessly pound you into the mattress, “How are you so fucking big?”
He chuckles breathlessly, “I hope you’re not in too much pain in the morning.”
“I’ve already lost feeling in my legs,” you say, even as you wrap them tighter around his lithe waist, “What is this damn elephant trunk of yours?
That makes him laugh again, sweaty face flushing with a tint of pink, “I’m sorry baby girl.”
“Don’t be,” you groan, “Because it’s fucking awesome.”
“I promise I’ll be gentler next time,” he guarantees you through heavy pants, “But right now… I need to cum… fuck, I’m so close, ___.”
“Me too,” you groan, blindly lifting your hips for more. And as a result, you’re too dazed by your need for an orgasm to process the meaning behind his words. This whole situation should be unbearably uncomfortable and weird—you’re fucking your best friend of half a decade, after all. But for some reason, it feels right. Like you were meant to have him buried in your pussy. You’ve never known what empty felt like until now that you’ve finally experienced the ecstasy of complete fullness.
Warmth is bursting at the seams of your legs, coloring your vision a rosy tint, but still, it’s not quite enough. So you slip a hand between your sweaty bodies, seeking that extra boost that will send you off the edge. But before you can rub yourself to completion, a hand knocks yours to the side.
“Let me,” Jin offers, brow wrinkled in concern as he resumes drawing circles around your clit for you. It takes you a second to recognize the emotion on his face as jealousy—over your own touch on your body. It’s so childish and yet endearing that you can’t help but laugh at his illogical reaction. However, your amusement quickly dies in your chest when Jin vindictively digs his thumb into your clit with the perfect amount of pressure, sending you catapulting towards your orgasm so fast, you experience whiplash.
“Oh my god,” you whimper as you trash from underneath him, practically bucking him off, “I’m going to cum!”
Jin moans from deep in his chest in response to your warning and leans down to suck a hickey into your neck, “Do it,” he breathlessly commands you, “Cum for me now.”
Like a puppet on a string, your body automatically obeys, and with just one last hard slam of his cock into your fluttering walls, you squeeze your eyes shut and cum all over him. The white-hot pleasure overwhelms you, filling every cell of your body with blinding light such that your mind blanks entirely. Consequently, you’re too caught up in your own pleasure to notice when Jin stiffens above you, his own release triggered by the sudden vice-like clamping of your walls over his dick. He cums noisily, grunting your name and spitting various curses as he snaps his hips back and forth, riding out his orgasm in bliss.
When he’s emptied every last bit of his hot semen inside of you, Jin finally pulls out with a deep sigh of contentment. There’s a few minutes of blessed silence where the two of you simply lie there, nuzzling into each other with soft kisses, and listening to your racing hearts slow. You feel sluggish with exhaustion in the aftermath of your orgasmic bliss. And it feels so nice to have Jin gently mouthing at your neck as he holds you close to his body, both arms looped possessively around your waist like he never wants to let you go. Your eyes feel so heavy that you can’t help but close them, as you reason with yourself that it couldn’t hurt to doze off for just a few minutes…
But of course Jin has to go and ruin the peaceful atmosphere with his big, fat mouth.
“See? I knew you were attracted to me,” he chuckles, voice muffled by your skin.
And just like that, the mood breaks and your jaw drops with indignation, “What the hell?” you angrily shove him off of you.
Bewildered by your sudden shift in mood, Jin nevertheless rolls over onto his back, “Huh? ___, what’s wrong?”
“How are you so fucking arrogant, Kim Seokjin?” you growl as you hunt for your clothes.
“What? No, I’m not!” He protests in confusion, “How is it arrogance when I’m just stating facts? You’re clearly attracted to me! Why else would you have jumped me like some kind of feral animal?!”
Your face grows hot at the unflattering reminder, “Oh my god, shut up, Jin. I must have had a minor stroke or something. I don’t know what else could have possessed me to act in that a way. I’m such a basic bitch!”
“Why are you acting this way? It was good, wasn’t it?” he asks with a touch of defensiveness.
It was more than good. It was amazing. Mind-blowing, really. But there’s no way in hell you’ll boost his ego by letting him know that. “You have a big dick, I’ll give you that. But that doesn’t mean shit.”
He colors at your insult, “And you think you’re all that? All you did was lie down and take it, ___. I might as well have been fucking a ragdoll or something.”
“Oh yeah? Well look at you, asshole. I gave you a handjob and let you fuck my pussy. And what did I get in return? Just a bruised cervix.”
Jin splutters at the complete unfairness of your words, “B-but—what are you even—I tried to reciprocate, but you wouldn’t let me!”
You choose to ignore that, “All I hear are excuses! I seriously can’t believe you, Jin. Were you honestly expecting me to fall to my knees and thank you for blessing me with your dick?”
“Why not?” he hotly shoots back, “You were literally begging me to fuck you earlier. I think you could show a bit more appreciation.”
You heat up further as you remember the shit you said in bed, but you resolutely refuse to allow any embarrassment or weakness to show in front of him, “I don’t know who you think I am, Kim Seokjin. But I’m not one of your fangirls who pray that you’ll look in their direction, and allow you to use them like disposable sex dolls. That won’t work with me. I’m more than that. Jin, you know I am,” you say, hoping that he will agree with your statement.
To your disappointment, he snorts in derision, “Yeah right. You may pretend to be all high and mighty, but I know you’re just as thirsty for this dick as the rest of them. Just admit it, babe.”
Your ego is torn to shreds, yet you make you last attempt, desperate to not let this opportunity slip past you, “I won’t be another one of your playthings, Jin. I deserve better.” There’s a brief moment of silence following your confession. You’ve wanted to say this since you first caught feelings for him all the way back during college, and the fact that you’ve finally gotten this off your chest is both liberating and completely terrifying. You know that your chances are slim at best, but you can’t help but hope against hope.
“Tch, whatever,” is Jin’s gruff response when he finally catches his breath, “Fuck you too.” And with that, he collects his clothes and stomps out of your bedroom.
You sit there for a long time after he leaves, helplessly staring after him. Not even in your wildest dreams or most frightening nightmares could you have ever predicted him reacting in this way. With all of your years of friendship, you actually believed him to care about you. So his blunt, heartless rejection is agonizing to say the least. You had expected an awkward rejection—maybe a half-assed hug and a promise that you’d find someone else at worst. But you have never witnessed such coldness from this man who you had considered to be your best friend.
Suddenly wracked with shivers, you slowly slide under the covers and pull them over your head. The remnants of his cum is still seeping out of you, sliding down your leg to stain your sheets, but you’re too numb to care. You can only lie there and stare up at the ceiling as you fight the urge to cry.
*********************************************************************************
You can’t bring yourself to crawl out of bed the next morning until nearly noon. You know that you look like a hot mess with your hair matted and eyes swollen from crying. All you want to do is grab a glass of water from the kitchen to keep from dehydration, then spend the rest of the day cooped up in your bed.
Unfortunately, as you pour yourself water in the kitchen, Lei hears the commotion from her bedroom, and hurriedly rushes out to intercept you.
“___!” She yells your name, making you cringe.
God, you really need to get your own apartment… You take another long swallow of your water before you slowly put the glass down, “…Yes?”
She places both hands on her hips, clearly upset with you for some reason you can’t fathom, “How dare you pull a stunt like that last night!”
You wince at the volume of her voice, “What do you mean?” you ask, glancing longingly past her to the open door of your bedroom.
“Don’t you even try to play dumb, ___! That stunt you pulled with Seokjin! How could you do that to me?!”
“What the hell are you even talking about?” Irritation fills you for the first time at her hypocrisy, “Maybe we were a little loud, but so what? You bring home men all the time!”
“That’s not what I’m pissed about!” She says with a childish stomp of her foot, “Are you kidding me right now, ___?!”
“Lei, I really have no idea what you’re trying to say!” you exclaim, frustrated by this situation. Why is she acting up like this when you’re already feeling so miserable?
“You can’t possibly be this dense!” she practically shrieks at you, making you heat with anger, “I don’t care if you hook up with random guys! I care if it’s Kim Seokjin!”
“Why?” You yell back, “What’s so different about that asshole?!”
“What’s so different?” Lei repeats, dumbfounded, “Are you fucking—he’s different because I liked him!”
It takes a few seconds for you to process her unexpected confession. You open your mouth, as though to reply, but your words fail you. Instead you’re left gaping at her like a fish out of water as you try to wrap your mind around this. “Wh-what?” you finally croak out, “Lei, what are you even saying?”
“Don’t even try to play dumb,” she huffs, “I know how close you are to Seokjin. I bet he told you fucking everything! That lying bastard… Can you believe he rejected me by saying that he didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but then he goes and screws around with you just a year later?!”
You’re still reeling. “Hold on,” you say as you dig your fingers into your suddenly aching temples, “I need a moment to process this…”
But Lei ignores you to continue ranting, “Seokjin is an asshole, and we all know this. I’m not surprised. And I don’t care if you’re dating now. That’s fine. I don’t even care that you guys show your sickening PDA in front of me… But to fuck the guy who you knew I liked so noisily when you knew I was home?! Now that’s actually messed up, ___.”
You wince at the accusation, “It’s not like that, Lei. I seriously didn’t know!”
Your roommate sniffs loudly, “Yeah right, bitch. I hope that you’re pleased with yourself,” and with that, she turns dramatically on her heel to march out of the apartment.
“Wait, where are you going?!” You anxiously call after her.
“To fuck Jung Hoseok!” She informs you with a perfect flick of her long curls over a shoulder.
You flinch in shock, “Wait, you’ve fucked him too?”
“I guess he got tired of waiting for you,” she snickers before she slams the door shut.
You stare at the front door for a few seconds, contemplating your next course of action. What you really want to do is chase after your roommate and clarify this huge misunderstanding with her, but it’s clear that she won’t be receptive to anything you’re saying right now. So you decide to put that problem on the backburner. But for the meantime…
Your expression darkens as you pull out your phone to scroll to Jin’s contact. Done with being sad, your tears have all dried up and now you’re just pissed. Time to get some answers from this shady fuckboi.
*********************************************************************************
“Oh,” Jin’s eyes widen at the sight of you on his front door step less than half an hour later, “___... when you said that we needed to talk over the phone earlier, I didn’t realize that you meant in person… and right now.”
“Why? Is not a bad time?”
He shakes his head and moves out of the way, “No, please come in.”
You remove your shoes at the entrance before slowly walking across the vast apartment and taking a careful seat on his expensive leather couch. He lives by himself in a luxury apartment tower in the heart of the city. This is what happens when you don’t make the poor decision of entering a six-year doctoral program and living in near-poverty conditions until you’re thirty. Must be nice…
“How did you even get in here?” Jin asks as he pops open two beers from the fridge and hands you one.
You gratefully accept the icy beverage, “The security guard let me in.”
“What? Why?!”
You shrug as you take a sip, “I dunno. He seems to think that I live with you.”
“Oh… That’s weird.”
“Yeah…”
Things between the two of you are still awkward from the events of last night. All you can think about when you look at him is how good he looked in your bed, drenched in sweat and swollen red lips parted in pleasure. But the heat rising in your blood quickly chills over when you remember the way he had rejected you and crushed your ego mere moments afterwards.
“I had a really interesting discussion with Lei earlier today,” you say as you take another cautious sip of your beer.
“Oh?” His eyebrows raise in surprise, “About what?”
“About something that transpired between the two of you last year…”
“Oh…?” He folds his hands awkwardly in his lap, and it might just be your imagination, but does he suddenly look nervous?
You twist in your seat to face him, “Jin… why didn’t you tell me that Lei asked you out?”
His face blanches at the accusation and it seems like he wants to deny it at first, but thinks better of it, “I… I just… I mean, I didn’t see the importance of bringing up something like that…”
“How is it not important?” You snap back, temper rising, “Lei is my roommate. And you’re supposed to be my best friend! How could you have kept such a thing from me?”
He shrugs and drops his gaze to his lap, clearly abashed, “I dunno… It just wasn’t a big deal…”
“Of course it’s a big deal!” You practically yell at him, horrified by his heartlessness, “And to fool around with me in front of her when you knew she liked you?! How could you have done such a thing?!”
His ears are flushed pink at this point, “You’re right. I’m an asshole. I deserve this…”
But his apology still doesn’t explain shit. “You’re not normally like this!” You exclaim in frustration, “Why are you acting all shady and weird?! This isn’t like you!”
He shrugs again, unable to make eye contact at this point even if he wanted to. His broad form is shriveled up with shame, making him look like a little boy caught stealing. “I don’t know…”
That answer isn’t good enough, “Cut the bullshit, Kim Seokjin!” you growl at him, “And just tell me, once and for all: Why didn’t you tell me about Lei?!”
He chews his plush bottom lip for a few seconds as he mulls over his answer, “Because I didn’t want to,” he finally admits.
You’re practically tearing out your hair at this point, “And why’s that?!”
“I just didn’t want to!”
“Why the fuck not?!”
“Because I was afraid that you would never date me if you knew!”
The confession hits you like a slap of icy water in the face. It’s so unexpected, so completely disorienting that you can’t even wrap your mind around it. For a moment, you fear that you’ve misunderstood, “…What did you say?”
Jin’s entire face is as red as a tomato with embarrassment, but with enormous courage, he forces himself to venture on, “You’re a loyal person, ___,” he says in a small voice, “I’ve known you for five years now, and I know that you value your friendships above all else… Chicks over dicks, right?” he says with a humorless chuckle, “I knew that if you ever found out about Lei having feelings for me, that I’d be off-limits. And then I’d never have a chance with you!”
Oh god… What is he even saying right now? Could the great Kim Seokjin, the ultimate playboy with girls throwing themselves at his feet, begging for a chance, actually have feelings for you…? This can’t be real. “Jin…” you whisper his name, “Do you… do you like me?”
He winces at your question and buries his burning hot face in his hands, unable to respond except for a stiff nod of his head, “More than that…” he finally manages to choke out.
Your world spins dizzily around you, and you’re grateful that you’re sitting, otherwise you might have fallen over with the way your knees suddenly weaken to mush. “B-but… but why haven’t you ever said anything to me?” You croak, trying to process this bewildering situation, but it still feels like you’re in a dream.
“And get my heart broken?” he snorts, derisive, “No thank you.”
“How are you so positive that I’d reject you?” You ask, looking up at him in confusion.
“Are you serious, ___?” he says in astonishment, “You’re the one who tells me every day how you’re not attracted to me. And that you only see me as a friend.”
You flush at the accuracy of his words, “Yes, but that’s because you’re a fuckboy! All you do is hookup, and you don’t care for relationships.”
“Maybe that’s because I’ve been waiting for the right one.”
That statement takes your breath away, “But… b-but,” you stammer, “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Why does it matter?” he bitterly counters, “You never reciprocated my feelings, and I’m not good enough for you, so why bother?”
“What?!” you explode at that. You’ve never heard anything so untrue. “What the hell are you talking about?! No one said that!”
“You have!”
Your face scrunches into a deep scowl, “What the fuck? No way! I would never say something like that!”
“Are you kidding me?! ___, you literally just said this to my face last night!”
“I did not! Do you have listening comprehension problems or something? Because there’s no way I would ever—”
“ ‘I deserve better’,” He spits out, quoting you word-for-word, “I get it… And I agree, okay? You do deserve someone better than me. But saying that to me like ten minutes after my dream of getting to touch you finally came true… That was too cruel, ___. Even you have to admit that.”
You’re so taken aback by his rant that you can’t even speak for the next few seconds. All this time… through the past five years of friendship and secret longing… this was all due to a simple misunderstanding? For a frightening moment, you fear that you might cry.
“Jin,” you whisper in a strained tone when you finally find your voice again. He peeks up at you in curiosity. You take a deep breath to stay calm, then firmly place both hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look you straight in the eyes. You won’t tolerate any misunderstandings this time. “Jin,” you say his name again, your voice clear and firm this time.
“Yes?” He says, looking up with a glint of hope shining in his eyes.
You squeeze his shoulders, and without breaking eye contact you say in the most serious tone you can muster, “You are the dumbest motherfucker I have ever met.”
His face crumples at once, “What?!”
You ignore his offended expression and tighten your grip in his broad shoulders, “You have no language comprehension skills whatsoever, and I fear that you might be illiterate,” you inform him with a straight face.
“What the fuck are you talking about?!” Jin exclaims, bewildered by your unexpected attack, but offended nonetheless, “I’m smarter than you, at least!”
You shake your head while kindly reaching a hand up to stroke his handsome face, “God must have invested all his time in your face, and forgotten about your brain, you dumb son of a bitch.”
He sits up with indignation, “Look at who can’t even write a simple line of code! I do all your homework for you, you idiot! How dare you call me stupid when you couldn’t survive grad school without my help?! If I’m illiterate, then you’re—”
You cut him off with a rough kiss that momentarily takes his breath away.
Instantly, the anger slides off his face, replaced with something much softer. Jin slowly runs his tongue over his lips and looks up at you with dreamy, half-lidded eyes, “It’s not fair for you to kiss me like that when you want me to shut up… Especially when you know how I feel about you.”
You playfully flick his nose in response, “It’s not my fault that you’re too dumb to realize that I’ve been in love with you since our second year of uni.”
His subsequent reaction is so hilarious that you wished you thought to capture it on film. With his doe eyes bulging, jaw dropping, eyebrows shooting into his hairline, Jin looks like a clown or some kind of slapstick comedian and you can’t help but giggle at his reaction, “You’re so silly.”
That snaps him out of it, “Why am I the one who gets all the blame?!” He exclaims in indignation, “You’re just as dumb as me, if not more! Why would you insist that you weren’t attracted to me?! What did you expect?! For me to try to make a move, thinking that you would never reciprocate? If I’m dumb, then you literally have an IQ of fifty!”
“How am I dumber than you?” you gasp, “You can’t understand spoken language!”
“Yeah? Well you can’t talk!” he shoots back, “ ‘I deserve better.’ How did you expect someone to interpret such a vague statement?! How can you criticize someone for misunderstanding when you can’t even speak properly?!”
His neck is turning red with anger, the veins bulging and his eyes as wide as a frog’s. You open your mouth to berate him, but instead burst into laughter, “Oh my god,” you choke out between semi-hysterical sobs, “How am I in love with such a crazy madman?!”
He pauses at that, “Wait… you’re in love with me?”
“Yeah, dumbass. If you didn’t have the language comprehension skills of a seven-year-old, you’d realize that when I said ‘I deserve better,’ I meant that I wanted to mean more to you than just a hookup…”
He falls silent at that, mouth forming a perfect “O” of realization. “…That does make a lot more sense…”
“Yup…” And with that, you pull out your phone to rapidly type out a text message.
Jin looks at you with a pout, “Wow, you confessed your feelings not even a minute ago and you’re already on your phone! Is this what our future relationship will look like?!”
You glance up from your phone to shoot him a wry grin, “Calm down, you needy child. I’m just texting my friend who recently got licensed as a neuropsychologist. We’re getting tested for our first date,” you say as you affectionately ruffle his black bangs.
Jin’s eyebrows shoot up with surprise, “Why? You know we’re both clean—we literally had sex yesterday!”
“We’re not getting tested for that,” you chuckle, “I’m setting up an intelligence assessment… So I can prove that my IQ is higher than yours, once and for all!”
His jaw drops at that unexpected turn of things, “You’re insane!”
“Am I?” you shoot back, “Or are you just chicken?”
He shakes his head with reluctant amusement, “Fine. Let’s do this. But how are you going to explain to our future children that you brought their father to take a fucking IQ test to prove a point for their first date…? Whatever,” he says with a scoff, “Please hand me that dictionary on the coffee table.”
“…Future children?” you numbly repeat, even as you follow his instructions. Then you quickly snap yourself out of it, “Wait, what are you doing with that dictionary?”
“Studying up,” is his curt reply, “I have to beat you at the test to prove to you how dumb you really are.”
Gasping with indignation, you quickly drape yourself over his shoulders to ogle at the small print of the book in his hands, “You’re on, asshole!” And with that, you reach over him to rapidly flip through the dictionary, trying to disorient him while soaking in as much information as possible.
This whole situation is ridiculous. It’s unbelievably childish and you should be ashamed of this type of behavior at your age… Yet, when Jin briefly turns his head to press a kiss against your cheek before evilly blocking your view of the dictionary, you can’t help but smile. Because as immature and absurd as this situation may be, for some crazy reason it feels right.
“You’re also going to write Lei a heartfelt apology letter for your behavior,” you say with a little nip at his ear.
He stiffens at the reminder, his neck flushing with embarrassment, “Yes, of course. I’ll go and do it right now.”
But you stop him with a hand on his thigh, “It can wait until the morning,” you inform him, “But for now…” you rub your palm over the bulge forming down his left pant leg. “I promise I’ll be patient this time.”
Jin’s eyes are heavily dilated when he twists around on the couch to look at you, “You better,” he says in a quiet, rumbling voice, “Because this time, I intend on enjoying you.”
Your pulse quickens and liquid heat fills the pit of your stomach. Because for some reason, his words sound like a warning… “Yes, please,” you say in a hushed whisper, eyes as round as saucers.
“And this time, you wouldn’t dare accuse me of not reciprocating,” he murmurs, hot breath fanning across your face, “I’m going to eat you out until you fucking beg me to stop.”
“Oh God,” you croak, arousal dampening your underwear at the very thought.
“No,” he smirks, “Just call me ‘Jin’.”
There’s a brief moment of silence as you slowly process his lame joke. Then—“Oh my god, Jin!” You groan as you shove his face away from yours, “Way to ruin the mood, dumbass!”
“Wait, what? No! Come on, ___, you know that was hot!” he says, lowkey panicking as he tries to reach for him again.
You simply sigh as you situate yourself on the couch with your legs spread, “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just start eating me out so I don’t have to listen to your dumb dad jokes any longer.”
“Yah! How dare you?! I’ll have you know that hundreds—no, thousands of girls would have killed to—”
“Shut up and get to work,” you bark with a rough tug of his hair.
Chastened, he instantly drops to his knees, “…Yes ma’am!”
*********************************************************************************
Author’s Note: Please don’t ask me about any sequels or updates! This is solely a one-shot and will not be continued :) But I’d love any feedback!
#jin smut#seokjin smut#bts smut#bts scenarios#jin scenarios#jin scenario#i started writing this during my finals week#and i STILL remember how irritated i was!!!!#guys plz be respectful towards ur roommates!#also i apologize in advance for the crack nonsense in this fic#i cant even explain it myself lmao
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Something Awesome: Data Thief or Gift Recipient
Okay, we’ve seen more than a few attacks that can be performed when someone clicks a link or navigates to a website.
Cryptojacking
Cross Site Request Forgery
Drive-By Attacks
Zoom 0day
But it’s time to pay homage to the attack that’s hidden in plain site.
tldr; head over to https://fingerprintme.herokuapp.com/ for some fun.
Passive Data Theft
I hesitate to call it theft when in fact we are giving all of this data to every website we visit like a little gift.
Please, accept this bundle of quasi-identifiers as a token of my appreciation.
Many internet users have no idea just how much data is available to websites they are visiting, so it’s worth exploring just what is in our present.
IP Address and Geolocation API
Like any good gift giver, we better write on the tag.
To: <website server>
From: <your IP address>
Your IP (Internet Protocol) address is a little 32-bit (now possibly 128-bit) number that uniquely identifies your device on the Internet. This is by design; people need to be able to address you to be able to send you any packets. A static 1:1 mapping of devices to IPs is definitely a massive exaggeration today as as we use technologies to let multiple devices share one IP, dynamically acquire an IP for each session, and our ISPs (Internet Service Providers) may also dynamically assign our IP address.
Nonetheless, IP addresses have (again by design) another function; location addressing. This is because when you’re internet traffic is propagating through the Internet (a global network of routers) it needs to know where it physically needs to go, and fast. Owing to this, the internet has taken on a hierarchical structure, with different ISPs servicing different geographical regions. These ISPs are tiered such that lower tier ISPs service specific subsets of the upper level tier’s region, providing more geographical specificity. It is this property of IP addresses that allows anyone with your IP address to get a rough idea where you are in the world. Moreover, IP addresses from specific subnets like AARNet (for Australian Universities) can be a giveaway for your location.
Try Googling “my ip” or “where am i”. There are many IP to Geolocation API services available. I have made use of https://ipgeolocation.io/, which has a generous free tier 🙏.
User Agent
Every request your browser makes to a server is wrapped up with a nice little UserAgent String bow, that looks a little like this,
User-Agent: Mozilla/<version> (<system-information>) <platform> (<platform-details>) <extensions>
Oh how sweet 😊 it’s our Operating System, our browser and what versions we of each we are running, and if the server is lucky, perhaps a few extra details.
Here are a few examples from MDN:
Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 6.1; Win64; x64; rv:47.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/47.0
Mozilla/5.0 (Macintosh; Intel Mac OS X x.y; rv:42.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/42.0
Mozilla/5.0 (X11; Linux x86_64) AppleWebKit/537.36 (KHTML, like Gecko) Chrome/51.0.2704.103 Safari/537.36
Why might this be a problem? Allow me to direct you towards my earlier post on Drive-By Attacks. Vulnerabilities are often present in specific versions of specific platforms. If an exploit server detects that your particular version of Chrome for Windows (for example) has a known vulnerability, well then prepare to be infected.
Navigator
Okay, I think we’ve been polite enough, it’s time to rip this packaging open! Ooh what is this inside? It’s an invitation to our browser of course!
When we send off a request to a web server complete with our IP and User Agent string, the web server will typically respond by sending us a web page to render. These days a web page can be anything from a single HTML file with a few verses from a dead poet, to a fully fledged JavaScript application. To support this development, browsers are exposing more and more functionality/system information through a special JavaScript interface called Navigator.
From MDN,
The Navigator interface represents the state and the identity of the user agent. It allows scripts to query it and to register themselves to carry on some activities.
...to carry on some activities... I wonder. The list of available properties and methods is pretty comprehensive so I’ll just point out a few interesting ones.
getBattery() (have only seen this on chrome)
connection (some details about your network connection)
hardwareConcurrency (for multithreading)
plugins (another important vector for Drive-Bys)
storage (persisted storage available to websites)
clipboard (requires permissions, goodness plz be careful)
doNotTrack (i wonder who checks this...)
vibrate() (because haptic is the only real feedback)
While I’ve got it in mind, here’s a wonderful browser localStorage vulnerability I stumbled across https://github.com/feross/filldisk.com. There’s a 10MB per site limit, but no browser is enforcing this quota across both a.something.com and b.something.com...
I have no idea why Chrome thinks it’s useful to expose your battery status to every website you visit... Personally, the clipboard API feels the most violating. It requires permissions, but once given you’re never asked again. Control/Command + V right now and see what’s on your clipboard. I doubt there’s many web pages that you’d actually want to be able to read your clipboard every time you visit.
Social Media Side Channel / CSRF
Okay, now we’re getting a little cheeky. It’s actually possible to determine if a browser has an authenticated session with a bunch of social media platforms and services.
It’s a well known vulnerability (have a laughcry at some of the socials responses), which abuses the redirect on login functionality we see on many of these platforms, as well as the Same-Origin Policy SOP being relaxed around HTML tags, as we saw was sometimes exploited by Cross Site Request Forgery attacks.
Consider this lovely image tag.
<img src="https://www.facebook.com/login.php?next=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Ffavicon.ico%3F_rdr%3Dp">
As you can see, the image source (at least originally) doesn’t point to an image at all, but rather the Facebook login page. Thanks to SOP, we wouldn’t and shouldn’t be able to send an AJAX request to this website and see the response. But this HTML image tag is going to fire off a GET request for it’s source no problem.
Thanks to redirect on login, if a user rocks up to the login page with the correct session cookies then we won’t have them login again, but rather we redirect them to their newsfeed; or, as it turns out, whatever the URL parameter next points to. What if we point it to an actual image, say the website icon, such that the HTML image tag loads if we are redirected, and fails if not.
Simple but effective. You can try it for yourself here, by opening my codepen in your browser when you’re signed in to Facebook, and when you’re signed out (or just use Incognito).
Fingerprint Me v1.0
Okay, time for a demonstration. I took the liberty of writing my own web page that pulls all this data together, and rather than store it for a rainy day (like every other page on the web), I present it to the user on a little web dashboard. It’s like a mirror for your browser. And who doesn’t like to check themselves out in the mirror from time to time 🙃
Random technical content: I had to fetch the geolocation data server-side to protect my API key from the client, then I sneak it back into the static HTML web page I’m serving to the user by setting it on the window variable in some inline script tags.
I bust out some React experience, and have something looking pretty (pretty scary I hope) in some nondescript amount of time (time knows no sink like frontend webdev). I rub my hands together grinning to myself, and send it off to some friends.
“Very scary”. I can see straight through the thin veil of their encouragement and instead read “Yeaaaah okay”. One of them admits that they actually missed the point when they first looked at it. But.. but... nevermind. It’s clearly not having the intended effect. These guys are pretty Internet savvy, but I feel like this should be disconcerting for even the most well seasoned web user...
Like that moment you lock eyes with yourself in the mirror after forgetting to shave a few days in a row.
Fingerprint Me v2.0
An inspired moment follows. I trace it back to the week ?7 activity class on privacy:
It is very hard to make a case for privacy. What is the inherent value of privacy? Why shouldn’t the government have our data, we give it to a million services everyday anyway, and receive a wealth of benefits for it. Go on, have it. I wasn’t using it for anything anyway.
It is very easy to make a case for privacy, if there is any sense that someone malicious is involved. As soon as there is someone who would wish us ill it becomes obvious that there are things that the less they know the better.
<Enter great The Art of War quote here.>
~ Sun Tzu
Therein lies the solution. I need to make the user feel victimised. And what better to do it than a green on black terminal with someone that calls themselves a hacker rooting your machine.
DO CLICK THIS LINK (it’s very safe, I promise) https://fingerprintme.herokuapp.com
Some more random technical content: Programming this quite synchronous behaviour in the very async-centric JavaScript was quite a pain. It was particularly tricky to get around the fact that React renders it’s component hierarchy top down, so I needed the parent components to mount empty in order for them to be correctly populated with child components later. It was also a pain to access and render child components conditionally, especially if you want to have sets of child components in different files, as though they aren’t ultimately nested in the DOM, React will treat them as if they are.
Some User Reviews:
“It feels like I should shut the window”
“This is SO RUDE”
“Battery level. I mean. Literally. How.”
Excellent.
Recommendations
Know what’s in your present, and who you’re gifting it to 🎁
To protect your IP address/location consider using a VPN or ToR
Check out NoScript, a browser plugin that will block JavaScript by default, but allow you to enable it for trusted sites.
Check out and share https://fingerprintme.herokuapp.com 😉
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