#some of these guys are non conforming to genders we don't even know about

[transingthoseformers]

Nahhhhh but I've become a huge fan of having fun with the genders of the transformers.

Megatron is an absolute queen and we all call him Megan fairly often, the moment Optimus learned about the word nonbinary he had an awakening, Starscream uses all the pronouns and she as all the audacity, i will not hesitate to call every version of Skyward by she/her pronouns, Elita is handsome as hell and would put me on my knees, Breakdown and Knockout are gay t4t as fuck and this is on vibes alone

#i absolutely love the idea that cybertron has genders that just don't exist on earth and are drawn across very different lines #and that many many mecha transed during the war and/or upon leaving the war #''oh but Riot grammar-'' in grammer class we were explicitly told that grammar was pretty fluid and dialect is a major influence #i have gained a very interesting dialect and also I'm gonna point to the titles of this blog #some of these guys are non conforming to genders we don't even know about #hell I'm not even conforming to nonbinary stereotypes so ofc I'm gonna project this onto the robots #I'm never going to forget the post that says that tfp Megatron is caste-abberant and reads as gnc to the other robots #the last one was purely subconscious on my end until i started writing this post and ~realized~ something about kobd

[littelestvic]

About the Damon Baker x Kris Gustin photo session and what it means to me as a queer artist obsessed with Joker Out

Note, this is not me trying to look smart and trying to talk about someone else's art pieces, although my dearest Daria made a small analysis on the Kris-Bojan set that I found very interesting, and it is interesting that these are a somewhat subjective views of Bojan and Kris's souls, or at least a visual representation of themselves as people. In any case, this is, if anything, an overview of what these art pieces make me feel and their significance to me.

First I must admit, as an artist, that these photos are beautiful and actually hold a lot of artistic value from my perspective. I think these should be seen as pieces of art and must be perceived in a different way than other Joker Out photos. However it is still very interesting how much these photos actually talk about the subject: these pieces are an exploration of Kris Gustin, the person portrayed, and I've honestly never have seen portraits that explore the nature of the subject in such a personal manner. Kris is displayed in a subjective, intimate way, whether how Damon sees him or how Kris himself sees himself deep down. I'm sure more elaborate and accurate explanations of Damon's art can be found online, as I actually didn't know of his work until now, but as I was able to read he focus a lot on the intimacy of the subject.

Anyways, there's a clear theme this session follows: femeninity and vulnerability. The usage of visible makeup (a first time for Kris on camera if I'm aware), the flowers, the exposed skin, the cloth (a typical femenine piece of clothing on Balkan/Slavic cultures), I think they were all choices to purposefully provide a more femenine vision of Kris. But he still allows himself to do poses similar to those I've seen him do before, there's still a hint of the Kris I know, his posing flows naturally and doesn't feel forced because this is just a natural extension of what he is, this is a natural exploration of his most femenine side, he is simply letting himself flow.

I think we all know Kris seems to be a man with a complex relationship with normative gender roles. Even as a cishet man he has this appearance and mannerisms that can be more related to a more "femenine" convention of gender and I have always wondered if he has ever struggled with this, and that if he has ever felt forced to keep the normative conventions of what a man should be. Things like asking to have his hair cut shorter after being called a girl when he was a child, or denying to be put makeup on by fans, he sometimes tried to run away from things that could be perceived as "feminine", maybe out of insecurity, maybe out of fear.

But there he is,

Glitter on his eyes,

Flower in his head,

Embracing himself.

I am a person with a complex relationship with gender roles. I was born a woman. I am short and tiny and have feminine features that simply cannot be ignored. I will forever be perceived as a woman by the people around me. I look like a girl, I have long hair because I am not allowed to have it short and I wear women's clothes. And while I don't want to be a girl, my relationship with femininity is actually very strong. I like pretty things, I like sparkles and pink, I like everything girly, I like girls. I've been told it's stupid to perceive myself as a guy since I look so girly, since I like so many girly things, and in times I don't feel I have deserved the masculine pronouns I use and my neutral name I've given myself (the ones I can only use online out of fear).

So I try to put some sense into it. I draw girly things because I like girly things. I draw men because I want to be like men. I draw men in pretty soft pinks and sparkles and sequins because that's what I am.

And I've found a safe place in Kris, with his non conforming masculinity that more often than not becomes femininity. As many other people like me, I like him because he helps me put sense to my feelings. I draw him in soft pastels and pretty clothes and delicate features because in my mind, if a man like him can be allowed to be femenine, then I can allow myself to feel the way I feel too. I can allow myself to simply not fit any binary gender convention, and I can allow myself to be myself. I like Kris because I find a part of me in himself, I relate to him and I see myself in his eyes. It is a complex relationship where I don't necessarily like him because I find him attractive, I am not actually sexually attracted to him; I see myself in him, in my own little weird way. I have distorted my own reality to make my own perception of him fit my needs. This is why I draw him the way I draw him. And perhaps that's why so many praise how I draw Kris. It is unique because it's personal. And I know he doesn't necessarily see himself this way, at least not in the degree I do. My Kris talks much more about how I see myself than how I see him. The way I draw Kris represents myself. My Kris is myself.

So when I saw him in this session, with the glimpse and the passion and the attitude I draw him like, it felt special.

"He looks like my art" I told myself. "He's seen himself the way I see him."

This is Kris,

This is my Kris,

This is me.

So I'm very thankful for Kris trying to open himself, and embracing this vulnerable side of him I purposefully push into the narrative of my art. He called these "therapy sessions", so I can't help but wonder if these have been helpful to him, if he has found something about him, if he has learnt to accept himself the way he is. He has helped me cope with complicated subjects of my life, and I cling to him to keep with life. He is my special little obsession that keeps me alive. So I can't help but sometimes wonder if he's happy, If he's loved, if he's content with himself.

And I think this exploration of himself will be very helpful to his soul. I am very proud of him, I am hopeful for his future, and I wish him the best.

I love you, my muse, and thank you for allowing yourself to see you with my own eyes.

#joker out #joker out fanart #kris gustin

[downbadspanishlad]

WARNING: Some of the following content may be slightly triggering due to discussion of abuse and trauma. Please don't read further if reading about that stuff could possibly hurt you! You're valid!

Masculinity in Baldur's Gate 3:

As a trans guy who didn't have with friendly male rolemodels growing up, the male companion characters in Baldur's Gate 3 mean so much to me.

While Astarion is clearly my favorite, I have a huge amount of love and appreciation for all the companion characters (male and female). But it's the several types of masculinity the male companion characters have that offer something for male and/or masculine folks like me to aspire to (in some way or another).

Disclaimer: I've unfortunately not had the time to interact much with Minsc, therefore I won't be including him in this post, but he seems like a lovely and cool dude overall, so please don't take his absence as a sign of me not liking him.

Astarion:

Astarion's interest in murder/violence and being mean are definitely not something to aspire to, but I do understand why he does what he does. His trauma is no excuse for his actions, but they do explain a lot.

I really like Astarion mainly due to how he is as a masculine character and how he's portrayed as an explicitly queer, slightly effeminate man with trauma.

In terms of being "explicitly queer," I mean this clip from this video:

As someone who doesn't neatly fit into the stereotype of being a trans man, let alone the expectations of what it means to be a "real man," Astarion's effeminate nature is something I deeply appreciate. 

(Note: That's not me trying to insinuate that trans guys me aren't "real men." It's solely about commenting on how men who are gender non-conforming in any way are told they're 'not real men').

He's very theatrical in his demeanor, and it's one of the things I love most about him. He's hilarious, he's fun, and he's able to be the way he is without being shamed and emasculated for it. I grew up + live in an area where being as theatrical and fun as Astarion is something that can get you shamed or even physically hurt for not being "man enough" in that way. 

As someone who exists somewhere on the bi/pan spectrum, I've loved seeing how the ladies of the BG3 fandom are totally chill with Astarion being pansexual. As a man with the capacity to find people of all genders (including women) attractive, I've often felt very insecure in my masculinity for being queer and "not masculine enough."

Guys like me usually get dismissed as being "only gay." That our sexuality isn't a real or valid thing, and that we're "lesser" than straight men because of our ability to find love with people regardless of their gender. Being feminine, in any capacity, as a man is a very terrifying thing due to the shame and violence we can experience for daring to be ourselves. 

And I don't want to equate my trauma with anything Astarion has been through (especially as someone who isn't a survivor of sexual violence), but I do find a lot of comfort in how Astarion's trauma is dealt with in his story.

So long as you (the player) treat him with the respect and dignity he deserves, Astarion is never shamed or made to feel "less than" for his trauma. The story of his trauma is treated with proper respect and care, and I absolutely love that. 

He makes me feel less alone and weird for how my own experience with abuse has left me with inner demons that I've yet to overcome. Like him, I experience night terrors due to my trauma. It's a very scary thing to deal with. And as a man, it makes me feel very small, ashamed, and pathetic. But seeing Astarion go through it and not having that be something he's shamed for is something I deeply appreciate. I know he's fictional, but seeing a character as cool as him going through that too makes me feel less alone and weird for it.

Wyll:

Wyll is a close second favorite character of mine. He's just an awesome, epic, badass guy! He's the kind of man I aspire to be. He does everything he can to help others, he cares deeply about doing what's right, he's a huge nerd/dork, and he's got the biggest heart amongst the companion characters (which says a lot in my opinion since he's got Karlach and Halsin as stiff competition for that category). He's very cool and lovely, and I really hate seeing how underappreciated he is as a character.

I absolutely love the meme of people saying that Wyll was the only origin character to dust himself off and head back to doing what he was doing before to get kidnapped and infected by the mindflayers. Man is too selfless and rad to take a break from helping the tiefling children how to fight.

I do want to give credit for this meme to this cool dude called Azeem (aka blackpurist).

As well as this post here on Tumblr.

Gale:

I'll admit, I didn’t really care for Gale at first. But the more I got to know him, the more I realized that this dude is (most certainly) on the spectrum. That's not a canon thing, but I absolutely believe that he is. Not a bad thing either (and I say that as someone who is also autistic). Honestly, realizing that many of his traits are autistic recontextualized certain things about him and helped me like him way more.

I really appreciate how straightforward Gale is as a communicator. The dude puts everything out in the open, for better or worse. He has no ulterior motives and does his best to make his intentions very clear. Love him or hate him, Gale is a dude you're not afraid of (unless you're a bad guy or something).

I also appreciate how passionate the man is about the stuff he's dedicated his life to (magic, which is most certainly his special interest). Gale is also very kind and open-minded, a good example of this being what he has to say about Astarion's vampirism. Gale's not my favorite guy, but he's an absolutely chill dude, and I'd totally be his friend if he were real.

Halsin:

So long as you save him and the Emerald Grove, Halsin is totally chill with you from the first moment you meet him. He's very kind, upfront, and non-judgemental, which is pretty cool.

I also really appreciate how much he cares about consent. Halsin is polyamorous, and if he expresses romantic interest in the player character and the player character happens to already be in a relationship, he makes sure to not pursue anything without the expressed consent of both the player character and their partner. 

I know caring about consent is a bare minimum thing to do, but unfortunately there are still a lot of people irl who don't care about it which is why I greatly appreciate how Halsin (and also BG3 as a game) treats consent as an essential, inherent part of romantic and sexual relationships. Very cool, indeed!! 😎💖🌟💫

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #halsin #wyll ravengard #astarion #gale dekarios #masculinity #trauma #gender shit #astarion bg3 #wyll bg3 #halsin bg3 #gale bg3

[tipsyleaf]

𝗡/𝗦𝗙𝗪 𝗔𝗹𝗽𝗵𝗮𝗯𝗲𝘁

Eddie Munson, Jonathan Byers, Robin Buckley, Steve Harrington x Reader

𓆩Eddie Munson𓆪

ᗢ𝗦𝗙𝗪

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Personally I feel like Eddie isn't a massive physical affection kind of guy. PDA is a no go for him with the exception of hand holding and the occasional kiss on the cheek or lips if he's feeling generous.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Let's be honest, this friendship has to have started through a mutual interest or a friend of a friend type situation.

Like maybe you frequent a game shop Eddie likes but can't shop at frequently. An you know the store inside out, better than the own employees do. You point him in the right direction of new stuff the store just got in or even the sales rack.

He starts talking your ear off about the latest D&D manual and suddenly he's asking for your home phone number so he can invite you to some of his future campaigns he hosts at his trailer.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Although I don't think Eddie is a big affection guy, he does like cuddling. But he has to be the big spoon or at least holding you to his chest in some fashion. If not, it's just uncomfortable and too awkward to him to enjoy it

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I think Eddie craves connection but doesn't want to quite admit it. But once he meets "the one" it's like he's in a whole new world and understands why people talk about marriage.

As for cooking, Eddie grew up in an environment of needing to get by constantly. (We love Uncle Wayne, best uncle ever.) And I'm not 100% sure where Eddie would exactly fall.

But I do know this mf is the king over microwave meals or cooking something with step by step instructions. Mostly because I think he can't focus long enough to follow an actual recipe versus something premade.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Young Eddie would have no problem dropping someone like a sack of potatoes.

Older Eddie would take a lot to get to the point of loving someone so I think he'd really struggle breaking up with someone if the time came. But if it did come to that (as much as I hate to admit it) I don't think he'd be able to do it face to face and probably do it over the phone.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

(See Domestic for the commitment part of this question)

Eddie would definitely be the type of guy to just refer to his partner as his wife/husband or anything else gender non-conforming.

But one day Eddie would probably just drop the question on you and you'd end up just getting papers signed instead of having a massive wedding or something.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Physically Eddie is gentle (unless...)

Emotionally... I feel like Eddie is too blunt for his own good. Even if he's not intending to be an asshole he just comes off that way by nature of his personality. A relationship with him is not for the faint of heart.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Like I said before affection isn't really something Eddie thrives at BUT I do believe this man is a hugger. The kinda guy that bear hugs you and lifts you off the ground if he hasn't seen you in a while.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

When Eddie falls, he falls hard. But my God is he emotionally constipated...

I feel like it take him a good few months to say "I love you". Unless his partner says it first then I think he'd have zero problems with saying it. Maybe even saying it more often than his partner.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

I don't think Eddie gets jealous per say. But I do think he has his boughts of thinking he isn't good enough for his partner.

Or even possibly just waiting for the "inevitable" to happen (i.e. being broken up with)

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Eddie is not experienced in the slightest...(don't come for me, we love him but be honest with yourselves he was "different" and that was frowned upon in the 80s)

At first he'd probably stick with simple pecks but slowly learn what you like and adjust to that following your lead.

I really do believe Eddie is the kinda dude to squish his partners face and give them a hard kiss on the cheek until their face scrunches up. Which makes him laugh before going back to doing whatever he was doing.

But for him... He likes being kissed on the back of his hands. Think about it, his hands are probably all calloused from playing guitar for so long and if you can appreciate their beauty... He'd melt!

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Eddie is fun uncle material. He'd entertain the hell out of kids. Probably be the one little kids would run to with books because he's not afraid to do goofy voices or act out things from the book while reading.

Definitely would be adored by children with how imaginative he is alone.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Eddie gives me grumpy in the morning vibes. If you wake him up before noon on weekends you're definitely getting dirty looks unless it's life or death.

But when he does get up he's the one making the coffee strong enough to grow hair on Sasquatch's chest.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Eddie is a night person. If he's not doing gigs at the Hideout he's at home practice or watching movies with you. I imagine he probably has an extensive collection of recorded VHS' of the most random ass movies you could think of.

And only half of them are labeled. So you two could be watching the original Halloween movie and suddenly after it's over you get the opening credits to Risky Business out of nowhere.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Eddie is mostly an open book when it comes to random sprinkles of information about himself. But feelings take a while.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Eddie is probably a 50/50 kinda guy. He can have the patience of a saint and then the next day he's irritated by something taking too long in the microwave.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Eddie has a hard time remembering things (except your birthday, he most definitely wrote that on his arm or hand the second you gave him that information) but if someone asked him about a random obscure thing about you he'd be able to rattle off the most weird shit possible.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Probably when one of you confessed first. Most likely because that was the biggest relief Eddie's felt in ages but he was also incredibly happy.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Eddie probably is protective to a fault (I mean c'mon look at what he's been through)

When it comes to defending you he's more than happy to step up and get in between you and whoever is trying to cause problems.

Now could he win a fight? Depends. If the person he's fighting is massive, no. But if it's equal grounds, there's no doubt in my mind he could lay someone out.

But Eddie getting protected is different. He would most likely just pull you out of the situation of you defending his honor and tell you how it wasn't worth arguing with someone like that. Regardless he'd be thankful though.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He's the epitome of try. Eddie isn't a massive romantic by nature but he sure tries his damn best to make his partner happy.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Leaving his shit all over the place! This man is a mess when it comes to keeping places tidy.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Eddie doesn't give a shit how people look at him. He solely dresses for himself and himself alone unless it's a special occasion.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

As much as I'd like to say yes, I really think Eddie could go his entire life without having a partner. Especially with the career he wants to have in the future.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He'd most definitely make you look through his collection of old guitar picks and pick your favorite one.

Once you did you'd see him messing with it for a while and come back to you later with it tied to a piece of twine and into a makeshift necklace.

Just so you could have a piece of him whenever he's not around.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Judgemental people, if he so much as got a sign of his partner being judgemental he'd be out of there in record time.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Definitely passes out around 4am every night and wonders why he's always so exhausted.

But also somehow the type of guy to take a 45 minute nap and act like he slept for 8 hours.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

ᗢ𝗡𝗦𝗙𝗪

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

Attentive. Probably likes to spoon and play with his partners hair.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

Chest guy... Yes, yes. Eddie is a boob man. He's a very simple man, he sees booba he's happy.

Now his favorite body part of his own (I know I mentioned this already but shhhh) his hands. Definitely his hands, he's got years of playing guitar built on those things. He's damn proud of them.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Strongest pullout game in the West. Not only does he live of the edge of almost cumming inside of his partner but he'd be the last guy to deny it really does feel better raw.

He's clean and knows you are too. Knows his partner takes proper precautions for birth control if needed so why mess with a good thing?

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Eddie is a frequent masturbater. It started as a stress relief thing and once he started seeing someone just became a habit when he starts thinking of them often.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

I wouldn't say Eddie is experienced but very interested in making the experience the best it can be for whoever he's with.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Without a doubt in my mind it's cowgirl. He just really enjoys watching his partner riding him and the reaction they have whenever he bucks his own hips up to match their pace.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Eddie is definitely cracking jokes during sex. You can't even count the times he's tossed you onto his bed onto to flop next to you and give the usual "You come here often" gag. An even though you've heard it dozens of times the look on his face, that cheeky grin he gives everytime just makes you laugh.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I think Eddie wouldn't care to keep himself trimmed unless his partner asked him too since his hair is so damn thick and curly.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

A little goofy but keeping his jokes to a minimum to not ruin the moment completely.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

(See Dirty Secret)

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Bondage (to you), Hair Pulling (to him), Dirty talk (both ways)

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

As much as a risk taker I think Eddie is I don't think he'd like adventuring outside the bedroom. Maybe the back of his van if you're both feeling impatient enough to not wait till you get home.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Probably his partners outfit choices. Wether it's fishnets and a tight skirt or just walking around in his old band T-shirts he just finds his eyes constantly wandering to you.

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

No exhibitionism

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

I'd say it's about 50/50. Maybe slightly leaning towards giving because he really enjoys watching his partner enjoy the fruits of his labor a little bit more than getting something of his own.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Eddie is definitely a slow and sensual type of guy. He likes to take his time and unravel every part of his partner and make the moment another time to remember when their brain wanders the next day.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Don't think he's a fan of them. Like I said he likes to take his time.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Eddie is definitely open to experiment. He even encourages it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Since Eddie isn't really the athletic type I think he's good for at least 2 rounds without any real issue.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Eddie most definitely has a collection of toys stuffed under his bed in a box. Hell he even has his handcuffs proudly on display on the rail of his bed.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Eddie is a massive tease. He's definitely the type to walk up behind his partner when they're doing something and suddenly his hands are under the bottom on your shirt. Playing with the waistband of whatever bottoms you're wearing at the moment. Ghosting ever so lightly as his thumbs pull at the band and make it snap against your skin.

All while his head is sat on your shoulder watching what you're doing and talking about mundane stuff.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Eddie is mostly quiet, with the exception of heavy breathing and the occasional grunt or groan.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Loves it when you call him Sir.

Accidentally found out when you were being sarcastic in response to something he said with "Yes Sir." And he immediately got hard and a little bit embarrassed.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

Eddie to me is one of those skinny nerdy white boys that just be packing heat for no damn reason... Shower not a grower at a solid 7.5 inches and girthy as a mother fucker

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Probably pretty average. Maybe craves actual sex 2-3 times a week.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Eddie has maybe 10 minutes tops in him after sex. He makes sure you're okay and taken care of and then suddenly he's sleeping like a hibernating bear.

𓆩Jonathan Byers𓆪

ᗢ𝗦𝗙𝗪

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Jonathan is a rather private guy so PDA is usually a no go for him. But when you guys are alone or among good company he's decently affectionate.

More often than not he'd probably be holding your hand just has a hand on you some how.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Jonathan is an amazing friend but it takes a lot for him to consider someone a friend. I have a feeling he's a life long friend kind of guy.

So his friendship started in early childhood (probably Kindergarten or 1st/2nd grade) and you two basically grew up together. Most definitely one of those friendships where you'd call his family, your family by extension.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Jonathan is definitely a cuddler. He'd probably want to be big spoon out of habit but if you asked he'd be more than happy to let you hold him.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He would most definitely want to settle down but not until his late 20s/early 30s. Jonathan loves his family dearly and definitely would want one of his own someday.

Jonathan is extremely self sufficient. He can do most house work (I think he really hates doing laundry though) and cooks extremely well from living as basically a second parent to his younger brother.

He also strikes me as someone who could pull together very cheap meal that are extremely good.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

As we saw his previous relationships... (*Cough, cough* Nancy *cough*) He'd probably ride that relationship until you break up with him or it dies. Unless something major happened or you fuck up badly he's not letting you go.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Jonathan to me would make it very clear how much he wants to marry his partner the second he starts thinking about it. He'd probably propose and you two would be engaged for a few years and slowly save up for your perfect little wedding surrounded by everyone you care about.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He's quite literally the epitome of gentle in every way. Especially with how he grew up with his parents constantly arguing and with how his father was, he'd want to be the exact opposite of him.

Physically, Emotionally and verbally all around Jonathan is gentle.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Jonathan adores hugs! He'd be the kind of boyfriend to hug his partner constantly and maybe cling just a little bit but not too much.

At the beginning of a relationship though he'd be too in his own head to hug but would eventually work up the courage to ask. But once he got that first one it be hard to get him to not want to hug you.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I can imagine Jonathan being in love before even getting into a relationship with someone.

Would probably just blurt it out haphazardly one day and you say it back. Followed by a surprised stare from him, forming into a smile. You'd have a conversation oh what exactly you both meant by it and now you're together...

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Much like Eddie, I don't think Jonathan gets jealous but he does think he isn't good enough for his partner. Maybe even would fear that he's being "too much" on occasion and wonder if he's going to lose you.

But since Jonathan isn't emotionally constipated he voiced his concerns with his partner and actually talks it out. To which he is reassured and knows you love him very much.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Jonathan is definitely a soft kisser. Slow, passionate and full of love everytime his lips touch yours.

He's definitely a temple kisser. But for him, he would probably not admit it but he really likes when you rub your nose with his after a kiss on the lips.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Great with kids, better with older kids though. He is a family man after all, he definitely had to have picked up something from watching his Mom take care of him and his brother growing up.

But babies... Babies are his downfall. I think he'd be so scared of dropping a baby or hurting them by not holding them propy. That it takes a lot of time for him to not be nervous around babies anymore.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Younger Jonathan isn't much of a morning person. Struggles getting up in the morning but pushes through it.

Older Jonathan is most definitely a morning person through and through. He's up at the ass crack of dawn to go take pictures of nature and back in enough time to make his partner breakfast and head to work.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Night's with Jonathan consist of him reading poetry while you do your own thing in the same room as him. You two don't need to constantly do activities together to spend time together. Merely being in the same room is enough to make you both happy.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Once you get past the threshold of Jonathan's trust he's an open book to you. If he trusts you, he's telling you everything and anything you're curious about. But only if you ask.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Jonathan has the patience of tired mother.

Very patient but once he's past the boiling point it's best to just leave him alone for a little while.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Knows you like the back of his hand. Jonathan is the observant type so most of his information on you is just him watching your actions and not him asking.

Often you'd be surprised to get a random little gift of something practical because he noticed you were in need of it.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Probably your first anniversary together? Jonathan would make sure that was the most romantic night he's ever shown you and continue to sweep you off your feet from that point on.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Jonathan is definitely protective. He's a quiet guy who doesn't talk often but if something happens he's more than willing to step in an defend the one he loves. We already know Jonathan can hold his own in a fight.

But for him, Jonathan usually doesn't expect to be protected he's use to being the protector. Probably wouldn't know how to process it at first because no one outside of his family has stood up for him before.

Eventually he'd be thankful though.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Jonathan is really caring in general so I don't think he'd really see his good treatment of his partner as "putting in effort" and just simply view it as everyday things he does.

But Jonathan is extremely thoughtful and tends to get more practical gifts over shiny and new things.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Being too quiet. I know I've said Jonathan is in touch with his emotions but he still has his boughts of holding in things he thinks are too heavy.

Almost to the point where he tends to boil over and spill his guts every once in a while.

Aside from emotional things I think Jonathan would have a hard time letting go of sentimental things like random movie ticket stubs from dates you've been on, to a sweater that could be used as a rag it's so old and beat up. But he refuses to get rid of it because it was a gift from your first anniversary together.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Jonathan doesn't think he's attractive and is honestly baffled how he caught your eye in the first place. But he does try to look his best when leaving the house. And goes the absolute extra mile when going out with his partner.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes. Jonathan adores his partner more than anything and if he were to lose them he probably wouldn't know what to do with himself.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Absolutely a coupon queen and sales rack fiend.

I could totally see Jonathan sitting at the kitchen table with a binder and the Sunday paper clipping coupons to save as much money as possible.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Someone who doesn't share his music taste. Jonathan would be the old guy to say "kids these days don't know good music anymore" and then turn on The Cure.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Light sleeper, sleeps on his side most of the time and every little noise he hears his eyes open immediately.

More often than not Jonathan probably isn't getting a full 8 hours of sleep a night, most likely 6 hours at best.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

ᗢ𝗡𝗦𝗙𝗪

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

The most attentive man on the planet. Cleans up, checks in with you constantly, gets you water and makes you at least eat a small snack after everything. Probably all while cuddling up to you and giving you little kisses in the process.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

Jonathan most definitely loves you as a whole but really admires your face and how beautiful he thinks you are. And enjoys how expressive you can be.

If someone asked Jonathan what he liked about himself physically he probably wouldn't know how to answer the question. But if he really thought about it he would most likely pick his eyes.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Cumming inside his partner is an immediate no. Probably a real stickler about using condoms and still wanting his partner to take precautions of their own just to be safe.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Definitely has a polaroid of you naked that he said he got rid of ages ago. But everytime he tried throwing it out he just stared at it and couldn't bring himself to do it because of how beautiful he thought you were in the moment.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

Jonathan knows what he's doing most of the time but really appreciates a partner who's willing to be vocal and tell him where he can improve but also praise him when he's doing well.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

I know it's boring but missionary. Mostly because he likes looking at your face and seeing that you're enjoying yourself to the best of his abilities.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Serious, if you crack a joke during sex he'll probably laugh but not say one back and just continue on with everything. Needs to concentrate somewhat so he can stay in the right headspace.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Keeps himself trimmed after getting into a relationship.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Romantic and gentle during. Doesn't care much for rough treatment but loves seeing you enjoy yourself more than anything.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Only masturbates when stressed or hasn't had sex in a while.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Sensory deprivation (both), Praise (to him), Edging (to you)

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Leaving the bedroom is fine but the house? No. Definitely not. But if he had to pick a favorite place probably the living room on the couch. There's just something about the small space he really enjoys.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You teasing him. Jonathan thrives on you teasing him with your body or even just saying something he wouldn't expect.

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

No exhibitionism, no slapping or hitting of any kind

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Jonathan is definitely a giver more than a receiver. 25/75. He finds it awkward looking down at you when you go down on him that he can't focus enough to let himself feel good. So if he does get head he needs to be blindfolded so he doesn't have to worry about looking at you.

But when he goes down on you... The man acts like it's the last time he's ever going to see you every single time. Damn near rips your soul out of your body with how well this man can work his tongue.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual all the way. Really enjoys taking his time and being thorough with everything.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

(See Pace)

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Jonathan is open to experimenting as long as it doesn't include pain. He can't bring himself to even think about laying a hand on you in that way.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Jonathan makes sure to get you to cum at least twice before he even lets you near his dick. He could definitely go 3 rounds, has a slow refractory period.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I don't think Jonathan has any toys but if he did it probably just be something simple like those finger sleeves with the bumps all over them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Jonathan isn't the teasing type but he enjoys being teased a lot more than he'd like to admit.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Definitely the whimpering type. Not super loud but you'll definitely hear him every once in a while.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Jonathan is a Sub. There's no doubt in my mind that when it comes being in charge he lets you call the shots.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

Ah yes, another skinny nerdy white boy packing heat. Grower not a shower. Definitely has the appearance of an average joe but when you get him going, stands at 8 inches at least.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Jonathan isn't super driven by sex but he enjoys having sex at least twice a week. Other than that it's more of a "when you're in the mood" type of thing.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He stays awake for quite a while. Even if you're out like a light he's still holding you and watching you sleep for a while.

𓆩Robin Buckley𓆪

ᗢ𝗦𝗙𝗪

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Robin is moderately affectionate. She's happy to hold hands or hug in public but kissing is private or in the right company (a gay in the 80s... Need I say more?)

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

For Robin you'd definitely become friends because you frequent her job. After renting tons of videos you would start calling eachother by first names and just start talking about your shared interests. Become quick friends.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Robin isn't much of a cuddler but I do think she wouldn't mind it if her partner asked for it. But she definitely prefers be little spoon so her arms are free to move about while she talks.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

She'd definitely want to settle down. I could picture her getting a quiet little condo with a few cats.

Robin, surprisingly, is really good at cooking. But cleaning she can't focus long enough to fully finish each task. She gets bored really easily.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Robin would struggle but I feel like she could break up with someone. And it have to be over something major for her to end a relationship.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Robin falls hard and fast. Would definitely call her partner her wife (or something gender non-conforming) within a few months of being together as a joke between the two of you. But deep down she knows if she could she would marry you ina heart beat.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Robin is physically gentle but like Eddie can be harsh without intending to be. Her mouth moves faster than her brain can sometimes and she just talks without thinking.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Loves hug, absolute hug machine. Will run in for a hug and squeeze you til you can't breathe.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Like I said, when she falls she falls hard. And Robin can talk about her emotions pretty easily so I could see her saying "I love you" within 6-8 weeks of dating.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Robin is the jealous type... Hands down she doesn't like it when girls talk to you but she isn't territorial about you, just scared someone with swoop in and try being better than her.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Very soft, super soft lips. Always using chapstick because she forgets to drink water most of the time.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Young kids and Robin don't mix well. She finds them mostly irritating but she does have a soft spot for babies.

Older kids she doesn't mind and has quickly gotten use to due to being around the gang so often.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Struggle bus rider in the morning. Hates mornings, finds it difficult to wake up and tends to run late most of the time in the morning unless someone else is waking her up.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Robin is definitely a night person. Tends to stay up pretty late doing random shit around the house.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Robin is very open about herself and tends to talk more than necessary. She gives up information about herself without really thinking about it.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Very impatient if it's something she doesn't enjoy something. Robin tends to struggle with waiting without needing something to entertain her.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Robin would retain important information (important dates, favorite colors/animals, possible allergies) but if someone asked her on the spot it would evaporate from her brain as if she never had the information in the first place.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Your first real date. Robin would set up a picnic in a nice clearing in the woods. You two had a romantic time and it also ended in your first kiss.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Robin isn't super protective of her partner but isn't scared to throw dirty looks at people who try starting trouble.

You on the other hand tend to be protective over Robin. She doesn't need to be coddled but quite enjoys being with someone protective.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Robin pulls out all the stops when it comes to her partner. Really thoughtful and fancy gifts. Cooks meals for you constantly and enjoys watching you eat what she's made for you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Never on time/Gets side tracked easily. Though it's not necessarily her fault she tends to not have the best concept of time. It's so bad you've gotten into the habit of telling her you'll be leaving for places an hour in advance just in case.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Robin always wants to look her best for her partner. Constantly preening herself as she looks at her reflection while getting ready to see you.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes, Robin loves you with her entire heart. And she's attached now so being without you would suck for her.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Robin tends to find random things while out of the house and just picking them up off the ground.

Mostly she brings home rocks she finds cool and has a collection.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

People who are too serious. Anyone who gets too serious when it's not needed she doesn't want to be around. Robin understands needing to be serious but not all the time.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Robin tends to stay up later at night. Probably to around 2am, but ends up sleeping til noon or maybe longer if you let her.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

ᗢ𝗡𝗦𝗙𝗪

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

More than likely Robin will be wide awake still and want to do something together (watch a movie, cuddle up, maybe cook a meal) This is when Robin is at her clingiest and isn't afraid to show it by sticking to you constantly. (Not that you mind it)

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

Your stomach, soft or not the few times Robin doesn't mind cuddling up to you she lays her head on your stomach and enjoys the comfort of it.

For Robin it's her smile. She simply just has a very beautiful smile that can and should be appreciated.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

When you first met Robin she was completely untouched, never even masturbated before. But once you started dating you showed her how to get off.

Now she has a slight obsession with getting her partner off by tribbing most of the time.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Nothing gets Robin going more than giving her compliments. And if you dare to call her a good girl she'll be putty in your hands.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

Very in experienced when you met. Probably only kissed before.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

(See Cum)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Robin would be cracking jokes constantly. Probably so often it would break both of your focus unless you shut her up.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Extremely well groomed.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Robin would be goofy most of the time but once you're in the moment everything becomes sensual over time.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Now that she knows what she's doing, Robin tends to masturbate once in a while but would likely prefer sex.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Praise (to her), face sitting (both ways), hair pulling (to you)

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Definitely would like it all around the house, back of a car maybe even in the bathroom of a party you're at. But her favorite place would be in the shower.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Just being close to her partner and teasing her. She's pretty easy to get riled up.

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

No Anal, no painful stuff

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

50/50 but part of me really thinks she'd like receiving a lot more.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

(See Goofy)

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Robin would be down for quickies.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

I could see her being paranoid about getting caught but once you reassure her she would enjoy herself and not really think about being caught.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Robin bounces back pretty quickly and has a lot of energy so I could see her going for a while.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I could see Robin buying a double ended dildo or even one of those little vibrators that looks like lipsticks.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Robin isn't much of a tease but just very forward with what she wants.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

She's definitely a little louder when moaning. She's talkative by nature so I could see her being noisy.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Robin enjoys riding your thigh. So much that you end up buying a grind mat just for her.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

Robin probably has a smaller chest (b-cup maybe?) But has nice round hips.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Robin doesn't have a high sex drive but if you were to ask she'd be more than willing to go.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

She's a ball of energy so she'll be up for quite a while. Probably off do whatever activity she enjoys until the early hours of the morning and then falling asleep.

𓆩Steve Harrington𓆪

ᗢ𝗦𝗙𝗪

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Steve is affectionate mostly by words not actions. Tends to baby you (kind of)

But when he does things for you it's weirdly subtle stuff. Like tying your shoes, taking you out, buying you stuff he knows you like or just random little trinkets as "just because" gifts.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He's very much a mom friend.

Constantly checks in on friends by asking if they're okay. He always asks you the most though. Plus he forces food and drinks on you whenever he's around so he knows you're definitely eating.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Steve probably isn't much of a cuddler but if you're having a rough day (or if he is) he's gonna want to cuddle. Prefers to hold you to his chest/facing eachother.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Steve is gonna want to put a ring on your finger the moment it feels appropriate. Probably would start talking about having a family together after being together for 6 months.

Fantastic at cleaning! Cooking?

...Steve is terrible at cooking. Man could burn water somehow. He can somehow burn something but have it still be raw in the middle.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Steve could end a relationship. It would crush him to dump someone who he loves regardless of what happens but he could do it.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

(See Domestic)

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Both physically and emotionally Steve is gentle. Comes off very harsh but never actually says anything that would be hurtful or mean.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Steve doesn't care for cuddling often but hugs. He loves hugs. Would be the kind of boyfriend who would hug you from behind when just standing somewhere.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

From past experiences (*cough, cough* Nancy again *cough) he'd probably be hesitant from saying it at first but if y said it before he did he'd be elated.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Oh he's definitely a jealous guy. Doesn't mind you hanging out with people (obviously) but if he sees someone hitting on his partner he's not gonna happy. Probably would go about flaunting how much he can hug/kiss/touch you in front of whoever decided to try talking to you. Just to rub it in that you're taken.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Steve is a fantastic kisser, definitely the best on the list from how much practice he's had. Like Robin he moisturizes, not because he doesn't drink water but he just wants to make sure his lips don't get dry or chapped.

He's a forehead kisser and I will die on this hill. He'd take your face in his hands and kiss your forehead. All while telling you how much he loves you.

Enjoys cheek kisses but specifically on his little beauty marks the most.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

We've all seen how Steve is basically mother hen with the Party. Babies adore him, small kids like him but he would probably find them irritating with the vast amount of questions they ask. Doesn't mean he doesn't have the patience for them though.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Steve wakes up early, but my god is he never on time in the mornings. Definitely hogs the bathroom just trying to get his hair to look right, it's gotten so bad you'd buy a vanity for this man to do his hair at out of fear of your bladder exploding eventually.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Beauty routines, and in bed by 11 at the latest, midnight if he really wants to push it.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It would take a lot of trust for Steve to open up about himself. He's had a bad childhood and craves a family to be around but also has difficulty trusting just anyone with his past.

But once you break past that hard shell he's open and honest about everything he's been through.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Very patient. He has to be since he's the designated babysitter for the Party. Honestly if he wasn't as patient as he is he'd probably be balding by now from all the stress he'd be under.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Knows you like no one else. Pays extra attention to all your likes and dislikes. Probably even ends up correcting others when they say you like something or get something about you wrong.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first time you said "I love you".

You said it first in passing like it was nothing and he'd stand there stunned for a second. Ask you to repeat yourself and you would. Word for word with a smile to match your confession. He'd nod along with what you said, say it back before you continue the conversation and keeping a straight face.

But on the inside he'd be doing cartwheels and screaming with joy over it.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Very protective. Steve would be the kind of boyfriend to pull you closer or step in front of you if there's a problem. He may not have the best track record when it comes to fighting but he sure has the spirit.

But if roles were reversed and someone said something bad about Steve an you jumped down their throat defending him... Well he'd be shocked. He's so use to having people expect him to defend himself he wouldn't know what to say hearing someone defending him.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Steve is putting in THE MOST effort. At anytime he needs or wants to get you a gift he knows exactly what to get.

And not all of his gifts are practically but they're something he knows you'd like everytime.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Withdrawals after arguments. Steve isn't the most in touch with his feelings all the time and would probably have difficulty talking over issues with you after an argument but he'd try after taking time to cool off.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

I love Steve but oh my God he's like a bird at times...

Always preening himself to make sure he looks good for his partner or just in general. An no amount of reassurance of how attractive you find him even when he's a mess can make him calm down with it.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes, like Robin, once he's attached he has a hard time detaching (*insert 3rd Nancy mention here*). If anything happens to his partner or if y'all broke up it would honestly devastate him. He'd be pretty lost for a while only because of how much love he has for you.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

(Listen... I will go to bat for this headcanon, you can rip it from my cold dead hands!!!)

He'd be a fantastic teacher. Probably English or History teacher at Hawkins Middle School. Plus he'd be a coach of some kind. Even fills in for the Highschool Gym classes on occasion if needed.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Stuck up people. They'd remind him too much of his past self and how much of an asshole he use to be.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Sleeps like a rock most of the time but if you wake him up he does that scared mom gasp and jolt up. Like everything is emergency... But you're just waking him up cause he's hogging the blankets or something.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

ᗢ𝗡𝗦𝗙𝗪

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

Aftercare KING! Holding you to his chest with rubbing your back. Gives you soft kisses on the head and already had water prepared for after. Probably would want to take a warm bath together afterwards and just enjoy eachothers company.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

Steve is an ass man... Touching it, squeezing it, smacks as he walks by just to mess with you. Just loves your ass with his whole heart.

For him... Surprisingly his arms. Steve is most definitely a lot stronger than he appears. His clothes tend to be a little baggy but he's got some nice arms that look even better when he's lifting something.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

This man would want to cum in side you any chance you let him. He's somewhat territorial and would probably see it as some way of marking his territory but also fulfilling another need itching inside him.

But if you weren't exactly happy with the idea of that he'd probably wear condoms or just finish on you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Claims to be a Dom but is a service switch. He just really enjoys your reactions more than anything.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

Steve is the most experienced person on the list. He's dated a lot of people, slept with a few girls. Had at least 1 girlfriend. He definitely knows what he's doing when it comes down to it.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy style, good position for your pleasure and he gets the perfect angle to smack your ass whenever he wants to.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

No Steve is serious. Can't crack a joke when he's in his head about performing well and making sure you're feeling the best he can give you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

If you saw Steve before he dove into the lake in season 4 we know that man isn't shaving. Trimmed a bit maybe but nothing too major.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Very sensual and romantic. Slow in his actions and always has a hand on you somewhere.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Since getting in a relationship I think Steve doesn't see the need to masturbate. If he wants to get off he'll just ask or try getting you in the mood (taking concent into consideration of course).

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breeding kink (to you), edging (to him), degradation (to you)

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Steve is not like anyone else on this list. He does not give a fuck where you two are if either are you are horny it's being dealt with asap.

Most of your experiences end up in a bed but if he had to pick a favorite place it probably the kitchen. There's been many of times you've ended up bent over a counter with him behind you in some fashion.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Just his partner doing mundane everyday things. One second he's just appreciating having you in his life and suddenly his brain is just shifting to the thought of how much he wants to stay with you forever and start a family with you. An something in him just keeps scratching at his brain with the thoughts of fucking you.

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

No choking or cuckolding

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Prefers receiving because he prefers usithis hands on you and talking you through making you feel good instead.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Starts slow but sometimes gets carried away an becomes fast and rough. But you can be guaranteed that Steve isn't leaving you high and dry.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Steve usually refers taking his time but sometimes he just can't.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

(See Location)

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Steve is in good shape so I'd imagine he can go for a while. I'd say 3-4 rounds if he's really in the mood.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Definitely owns a vibrator, probably an egg vibrator he likes using for extra stimulation when he's inside his partner.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh Steve is a massive tease. He'd go as far as to mock you if you end up trying to beg for him to touch you even. He'd never pass up the chance to degrade you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Listen... Steve is probably still stuck in the whole stigma of "men shouldn't moan" but when you're on top of him... It's like he becomes a completely different person. Whiny, moaning mess who can't seem to keep him mouth shut for long.

Tries to save face by shit talking but gets shut up pretty quickly with a grind of your hips on him.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Steve as multiple sex mix tapes... No I will not be further explaining this.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

Steve carries the confidence of a guy with a massive dick. But honestly I think he's just above average but not huge. So I'll just say 7 inches. Definitely a shower.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Steve has a high sex drive. Craves you constantly but refrains out of fear of being way too much.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

His main concern after sex is making sure you're okay even if he's exhausted he stays awake. But the second he realizes you're out he's down for the count and sleeps like a log.

#🌿 ivy writes #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #jonathan byers x reader #jonathan byers x fem!reader #jonathan byers #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x female reader #robin buckley #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington

[drdemonprince]

I don't know if this a place to share, or if this even relevant to anything, but i want to share an observation. I've been around queer groups for a decade or so, usually just observing and listening, and something i have observed is that very slowly trans women (specially out trans women and non-passing ones) seem to have incredible being reduce in meetings and talks. Like i used to see way more of them but now it is becoming less and less. For some reason they seem to have been push out of the spaces very subtly and nobody seems to care (i don't have an explanation of this at all). On the other hand the amount of trans men and trans masculine folk seem to have maintained some consistency. I don't exactly know whats going on this communities, but there seems to be something that is pushing trans women away, while not having the same effect on trans men. I don't have any solutions, just wanted to share because i feel like as a trans woman I am less and less welcomed in queer spaces but can't really pin point why is that.

Thanks for your message anon and for sharing this observation. The thing is: We know what is going on! Trans women talk about this all the time! Trans men and other TME trans people speak over them, sexually harass them, downplay their concerns, talk about them having "male" socialization, take advantage of their emotional labor, ignore them, don't give them room to be vulnerable, nitpick their stories of abuse and mistreatment, disbelieve them when they have been victimized, and all the while complain that they are so much more visible and have so many more resources than trans mascs do (which just is not true) and talking about how disgusting penises are.

You probably have not noticed these dynamics happening directly; most men are oblivious to sexism to an extent, and even men who have experienced plenty of sexism themselves as trans guys can miss these dynamics when they are experienced by trans women. It also is the case that a lot of the worst abuses happen behind the scenes: there are a lot of predatory people who are trans or enby yet behave as invasive chasery creeps to trans women, all while constantly indicating to trans women that they will not be believed if they come forward about abuse -- and in fact will be accused of being the abusers themselves.

I have multiple trans women friends here in Chicago who simply cannot show up to certain queer community events like beach days or club nights because they know there's a specific "afab enby" there who will grope them and then accuse them of abuse. There's entire self-defense guides designed for trans women meant to address this specific issue because it is so widespread.

And that is just one issue that a lot of trans women face in gender diverse or generally queer spaces. At a queer/pup karaoke night two weeks ago, multiple drunk bar patrons harassed and physically attacked a trans woman there, and then when the cops arrived, they tried to arrest the trans woman. (Thankfully all the bar staff and event organizers were very very clear that she was not the one provoking the fight -- but the cops still didn't really believe them. The man who attacked her is banned from the bar now forever. She isn't. If she'd been in a slightly less sympathetic crowd, who knows what would have happened).

In another local queer community group I used to attend, a trans femme board member was accused of abuse in the vaguest terms possible -- by someone who has now, years later, been outed as abusing multiple women close to him himself. Most people in this group have no idea about it, of course. It all happened in shadowy conjecture and whisper campaigns. I could go on and on and thanks for your patience but you get the picture.

I don't know what the vibe is in the groups you frequent, and I can't guarantee that any of the trans women have dropped off the map because of anything as severe as this, but I pretty much can guarantee there are some dynamics there that are making them uncomfortable. My suggestion? If there were any trans women in the group that you liked, try hitting them up. Ask some of them out for coffee. Ask what she's been reading or watching lately. Go to the museum or a show. Be her friend. Don't pry about why she stopped going to the group, just be a friendly, supportive presence in her life. In time, you might learn why she and others like her stopped going to that space. or you'll just have greater gender diversity in your life and your support circle, which is really important. Some trans spaces are utterly ruined by the presence of a few toxic trans mascs or aggressively afab-identified people. But you can help to build better spaces one relationship at a time.

Thanks again for your message.

[22degreehalo]

Okay I finished the movie. (Spoilers follow!)

I liked the parts about Barbie as an actual doll. I liked the ending! It was fun and creative and had some real emotion to it!

I didn't... enjoy the portrayal of gender.

The movie just really does not seem to want to face up to the idea that in the Barbie world, women are the privileged class. They hold all positions of power and property. Barbie doesn't even know where the men live?

Yes, it's all deliberately weird and surreal. But it's all just too weird and surreal to relate much to the real world. The climax relies on assuming that the barbies would essentially relate perfectly to a random real-world woman, which... even if it were true that all women IRL can relate to each other, their life experiences are just way too different.

(Yes, the patriarchy got introduced into Barbie land! But... how??? It's very hand-waved. Why would the privileged class suddenly completely turn the system 180 just because a guy came by with some books? It almost feels like a reverse-racism thing...?!)

And then, in the end, the kens still aren't treated equally. The movie jokes that 'someday' they'll have as much power as women IRL. But... we literally just spent the last hour exploring how shitty women have it. So now the kens have it even worse than that. And that's okay?

Again: it's meant to be dumb and silly. But we're also supposed to suspend our disbelief and live in this world for two hours. And the world just doesn't really jive with the tone. The more you think about it, the more you treat it as a real place, the less sense it makes. It only works if you laugh off the kens as just privileged white guys just because they resemble them.

Which, also! The movie in the end tries to be comforting to men and say that they don't need to be defined by their girlfriends or whatever! Which is actually a good message IRL: for too many men, being able to Date A Woman really is treated as the ultimate arbiter of human worth! (It... makes little sense in the world, where it seems like the kens really do need to rely on the barbies? But. see above.)

Except the entire way through, the idea of men having feelings is mocked and laughed off. Like I said, they imply that a gender non-conforming man would have absolutely 0 reason to fear violence at the hands of other men, which is... completely detached from reality?! Everything a stereotypical 'man' might care about is treated as being not really all that good, men's fears of abandonment or failure are eye-rollingly chalked up to 'egotism' (again, despite the status of the kens in this world), and when Ken cries at the end, it's presented as humiliating, as opposed to the dignified crying Barbie does on multiple occasions.

To be clear: I am not accusing the movie of misandry. I'm accusing the movie of being excessively cruel towards men who do not fit the stereotypical image of 'masculine', and then also being kind of pointlessly mean at those who do, as well.

Like, in the climax, one of the ultimate scenes of 'female empowerment' has the barbies pretend to listen while the kens play the guitar at them ('Push' by Matchbox 20, which is a good song IMO??? But it's treated as like. Objectively bad.), only to deliberately check their phone to show they don't care, then get up and talk to another man instead. And all of this is framed as, like 'playing on their petty egos and jealousies.' And not as like... them opening up? To someone they like? And trying to do something nice? And then being hurt when they don't feel the connection they wanted?

(Also men getting angry at other men, or staging a 'war', is treated as entirely petty and silly and kinda funny. Just an 'own goal', so to speak. Which, again, feels very insensitive when men... do in fact violently attack other men over reasons like jealousy.)

(Also also it's treated as super arrogant when a man tries to help out a woman who is literally saying aloud that she doesn't understand and wants help??? Because it's soooo offensive to think a woman can't do something she says she can't do??? even though the end of the movie is all about how women shouldn't have to be perfect and should be allowed to be just normal and not really good at anything???? I'm so confused.)

It's just... such a weird mix of a genuinely fun and creative campy setting, which then mixes in the most weirdly tone-deaf and old-fashioned gender essentialism possible. It tries to be progressive at the end, but the setting is already so stuck in those ideas (that inverting gender power dynamics would be really good actually since women are better in power, that men don't have any real legitimate reason to have emotions so it's weird and dumb if they do) that it doesn't track. It doesn't match the actual events of the movie.

It's not just an empty popcorn movie. Frankly, it'd be a lot better if it was!!!!!!! (At least for me, hahah.) It's best appreciated, honestly, if you do turn your brain off and just enjoy the pretty visuals and the nice moments at the end. Which is sad. Because it clearly does try to do so much more than that! But all those attempts just... make the movie more confused and weird and kind of mean?

Basically, the movie tries to do a whole 'haha what if we switched the power of the genders' but then still wants to treat all of the men like they're privileged white guys, even though there's 0 worldbuilding reason for that to be justified. (Plus also it has the typical 'wacky misandry' problems of being incredibly shitty to GNC and disabled men. but like I just expected that literally always nowadays.)

So yeah uhhh. unfortunately I gotta say that I don't really agree with those 'lollllll men hate this movie even though it literally just says that they're okay by themselves and don't need to base their worth on women!!!!!' like YEAH but it also implies some pretty. questionable stuff about oppression and mental health and how much we should respect men who have ~delicate fragile emotions~ too.

#oh boy I'm not putting this in the tag #. #.. #... #.... #..... #barbie 2023 #im SO disappointed man fuck #little women is like. one of my favourite movies ever. #literally the only movie to actually capture the aroace woman's experience #of what ive seen anyway #and uh technically barbie in this movie is definitely asexual and arguably aro as well #but. she's a wealthy elite who explicitly doesn't care about the feelings or physical safety of her subordinates. #also she slaps ken at one point #yeah this movie's understanding of oppression dynamics doesn't. go beyond 'patriarchy bad' huh

[virtue-boy]

don't really get the 'endangered butch' thing like I see a lot of butches in my day to day life. I just think soft butch is more normal now like you dont have to be a butch butch butch to survive as a butch anymore, just like you can be a masc gay guy who is also kind of a nelly. Like I have tons of butch friends and I probably half of everyone I do organizing with is butch. Like look I'm just one guy maybe you used to see 500 butches every single day or something but like I see butches all the time I just think people are discounting a lot of people's masculinity or something. Like people are like "When was the last time I saw a butch?" and I'm like bruh I saw like 4 yesterday at a queer meeting what are you on about. Like maybe not hard hard butches but like I kind of think every type of queer identity has loosened up a bit like everyone's more androgynous now. Idk its just maddening to me becuase this narrative makes no fucking sense with my own life. I legit just think that it is people discounting butches who don't fit a certain image of a 30 something hard white cis butch with a midsize to buff build in blue collar cosplay, which of course, shout out but like, that's one type of person. I literally see people alllll the time who would be considered butch if they were taller, cis-female passing, buff, less fat or more in line with ideas of white masculinity. And I mean, 90% of the time when someone says something like this they are definitely not including trans female butches in their definition of the category.

Or like, legit I think this must come down to hair. Like mullet and mid-length hair is big in masculine style rn for all ethnicities and genders. Like I know so many people who would be cookie cutter Butch if they got a crew cut instead of having like, Nickelback hair or a mullet. Like are we really declaring a postmortem on butches over what military conscript's hair looked like in 1950? Or like, what white bloggers in San Francisco were wearing 2006 - 2014? Are we really going to discount all the non-white men's fashions and styles that have mid and long length hair?

The other thing I think must be some kind of gender purity definition of butch as a cis woman, so people are declaring butch dead because people use they/them or identify as non-binary, as if "butch" historically was purely "woman-identified" that never used gender non-conforming language or there were never butches who never identified as girls or women. And of course like, ignoring butch trans women off the bat even through like, they are literally carrying the torch and understand butch more than any cis femme ever could as they are intentional butch women. Anyways.

I legitimately challenge people to think about the hair thing though. I actually think huge swathes of butches are being written off bc they have mid length hair or they dress more like an architect than an auto mechanic or something. Or just that they don't do any blue collar cosplay at all and just wear men's hoodies and shit. I don't know but like, I just saw a post about someone saying that someone said "you're the first butch I've seen in forever" and I'm just like ??? I've seen like 10 butches of various ages and backgrounds I know personally in the last month.

#butch #mine

[the-gay-disney-games]

Round 1B: The Emperor’s New Groove (2000) vs. Lilo & Stitch (2002)

Propaganda:

The Emperor’s New Groove:

“That llama boy is gay. Probably genderqueer as well.”

“look at it.”

“just watch the movie it is blindingly obvious from like the first scene (no…no…no…)”

“I mean, i think kuzco is enough propaganda by himself”

“Kuzco is insanely queercoded. There's the way he immediately dismisses any women based on superficial traits, but seems very interested in Kronk. There's the crossdressing scene, which he was very into. And also just look at him.”

“Kuzco is a twink”

“Kuzco is a twink. Eartha Kitt is a gay icon. Kronk...”

“- come on, have you Seen Kuzko? That boy is a Twink.

- every character is So So queer coded in some way

- it's just,,,, so gay”

“You can't tell me those bitches ain't gay. The Llama guy (blanking on the name rn) literally rejected like 5 women rapid fire. Also kronk is queer ty”

“Kuzco is gender envy. Kuzco is gender queer/fluid.”

“That whole scene with Kuzco and Pacha in the restaurant that is all.”

“Kuzco is heavily queercoded in his mannerisms. The start of the movie has him rejecting a line of women as potential marriage candidates, being picky with their appearances. After that, he seems to be interested in asking Yzma about her henchman Kronk. Post llama-turning, he bickers a lot with Pacha but ends up creating a nearly familial bond with him. During a bit where they hide in the restaurant, Kuzco enthusiastically dresses in drag and pretends to be Pacha's wife. Pacha tells the waitress its their honey, with the waitress saying something about it "being brave to come out today", which could have two different meanings. After the movie and Kuzco returns to being a man, he doesn't get together with any woman like most films would. Instead, he finds himself a found family with Pacha, his wife, their two kids, and Kronk. If that's not queer-coded, I don't know what is.”

“Kuzco is so fucking gay and the film is completely unselfconcious and unapologetic. His mannerisms, his complete lack of a female love interest, the way his solution to hiding being a talking llama is to pretend to be Pacha's wife (???). His role model and only parental figure is a dramatic older woman played by Ertha Kit. And it's not just Kuzco; Kronk most certainly has the vibe to him. The casual gender non-conformance is off the charts. The Emperor's New Groove was a Disney movie that skirted under the corporate radar, made with very little input from the company itself. It is one of a kind and there will never be another one like it.”

“-Nothing about Kuzco is straight

-First off, the way he dresses and has incredible fucking hair. Like I know that emperor's were deemed as gods, and having them dress with pure gold jewelry and high quality clothing was a must.BUT STILL, HE PULLS IT OFF

-the scene were he turns down all of the women who were there for one of them to be his wife...BRO HE WAS SO SASSY AND SAVAGE AS HE COMMENTED ON THEIR APPEARANCES, TELLING THEM THINGS LIKE THAT THEY DON'T PULL OF THAT HAIRCUT AND SHIT LIKE THAT

-Don't even get me started on the diner scene with Pacha

-Twink....I will not elaborate”

“:)”

Lilo & Stitch:

“Pleakley and jumba are queer. I will fight people about this. And then they joined the found family to end all found families and co-parent with Nani. Change my mind ( you can't)”

“Jumba and Pleakley are MARRIED and you cannot tell me otherwise”

“The aliens are gay.”

“Trans icon Wendy Pleakley and their boyfriend Jumba”

“We stan Pleakley crossdressing”

“this is THE gay movie to me. It’s all about the found family. Stitch was cast out for being an “abomination” but then he found the place where he belongs with people who love him. Pleakley and Jumbaa are literally married”

“Found Family, cross dressing, self love, what else do you need?”

“I know Pleakley only gets to go whole hog on the crossressing in the TV show, but the movie is where he got his start.”

#polls #queerest disney movie tournament #round 1b #disney #the emperor’s new groove #lilo & stitch

[being-kindrad]

Q&A Panel with seven detransitioners, 2023, transcribed

The following is a transcript of the first ever Q&A panel discussion with seven detransitioners filmed on Detrans Awareness Day 2023. Seven detransitioners speak publicly and answer questions from the audience at a film screening of the documentary No Way Back: The Realities of Gender Affirming Care.

The panel discusses the medical ethics of the gender affirmation model of care for gender dysphoria, and the untold harm personally endured by detransitioners Chloe Cole, Laura Becker, Luka Hein, Estella Suarez-Hamilton, Brian Wagner, Rachel, and Shape Shifter.

The panel answers questions from concerned parents about the relationship between gender distress, social contagion, trauma, and familial relationships, and panelists give advice about maintaining and repairing relationships with children and loved ones who are experiencing identity issues.

View the panel recording here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyJGijjI2JU 

Transcript after the break.

Panel moderator: How do you guys feel? Had you not seen [the documentary] before? Did it bring up any feelings for you guys?

Estella (female detransitioner): It brought up a lot of feelings for me. I medically detransitioned this past year and I was still maintaining my social transition, clinging on to that, and kind of hearing about the process of other detransitioners and even speaking to some people who are here today, learning how much commonalities we have with this journey. It makes you realize that “oh, well, maybe this is rare, but maybe this is not so rare as they're saying.” Especially when it comes to medical consequences. I can speak for myself with some of the effects that testosterone has had on my body—it's menopause, it's going through menopause at nineteen. And when your body's not ready for that. And there was like a list of that, the incontinence, not being able to hold your bladder, not being able to sleep because of heat flashes that are painful. It's ridiculous, thinking that a teenager should go through that, when they're just at the cusp of adulthood, so it brought up a lot of emotion realizing that I wasn't alone in a lot of that. I know that I had a conversation with Chloe earlier this year about heat flashes and that was the first time that I had spoken to anybody about the itchiness and the uncomfortableness at night and realizing that wasn't just me, you know, and that's what you hear a lot, a lot of people being like “oh, well it's just you, I guess it just didn't work out for you.” It's like, it's not just me, you know, this is something that could happen and it's exhausting. So, yeah.

Panel moderator: Can we just go down the line really quick and introduce, you guys can introduce yourself, so we know who you are and then we'll open it up for questions.

Shape (male detransitioner): Hi, I'm Shape. I'm a male detransitioner, gender non-conforming. You guys may know me from YouTube or Twitter, so this was pretty powerful, also triggering, but powerful.

Rachel (female detransitioner): I'm Rachel. I transitioned when I was like 25, lived as a “man” for like seven years, realized “oh I don't need to do this and I'm running away from other things,” so I went back to living as a woman, more or less, a year ago, and just kind of opened my eyes to kind of like the whole gaslighting of this “trans marketing” like it's you know they—well not to get too far into it, but the whole thing is weaponizing empathy to make people believe that “oh you have to affirm these kids that's the nice thing to do,” but long term, well, I think you guys know.

Brian (male detransitioner): Good afternoon, my name is Brian Wagner. In my early 20s, I had substance use disorders and mental health issues. I transitioned from male to female, I lived my life as a transgender woman for close to 10 years, I detransitioned upon sobering up and getting to see a psychologist that was not an activist. The most powerful part of this documentary for me personally was when it talked about Jung's “Shadow Self,” because I think for a lot of society and especially the trans rights movement, detransition is a reality that they're not ready to see or face or accept quite yet, so thank you.

Estella (female detransitioner): My name is Estella Suarez Hamilton. I gave an introduction already so…

Luka (female detransitioner): My name is Luka Hein and I transitioned as a minor at 16 and de-transitioned around six months ago when I was 20.

Laura (female detransitioner): Hey everyone. My name is Laura Becker. I was in the documentary. My hair was looking a little messed up at the time, I had dyed it too many home dyes, pink—thank you—for a little while it was—so yeah, some of you may know me from Twitter, Funk God artist, and I designed some of the Detrans Awareness hats and shirts that some people might be wearing so that's what you may know me from.

Chloe (female detransitioner): I'm Chloe Cole and I'm somebody who also transitioned as a minor between the ages of 12 to 16. And I've been speaking out about my experience for not much longer than a year now, since I was 17.

Shape: I guess I should tell a little more about my story since everybody has. I transitioned in my early 20s as well, the first time I ever got any kind of mental health help was when I went to Fenway House in Boston and they completely ignored my internalized homophobia, other comorbidities, and affirmed me, like there was no pushback. I got on estrogen pretty easily, but my mental health declined after that, but I attributed it to being in a “wrong body,” so unfortunately I got cleared for the sex assignment surgery. That deteriorated my mental health even further. I have complications after multiple revisions. I have urinary tract infections every month, that's why I was going to the bathroom like a million times. I am unable to have sex, I have osteoporosis, I haven't been able to get any help really from endocrinologists or even surgeons to reverse this. This is all one giant experiment I fell into when I was very vulnerable and not in a good emotional place. I definitely got sold lies and “hardware fixes” for my “software issues” that actually never went away. And my biggest push for transition was internalized homophobia, I just didn't want to be gay, because I was brainwashed from very young age that gay is bad and sinful, so the minute I realized I could escape my homosexuality, I latched onto the idea that I'm a woman, but I realized that none of those transitions solved any of my mental issues, in fact it made it worse, thank you

Panel moderator: Okay, does anybody have a question?

Audience member: Hi. Thank you all for being here, you're all very brave, and I probably follow mostly on Twitter or something. I think like a lot of parents whose kid is in this ideology, fortunately, my daughter so far has not said she wants to medicalize, but I can see just socially things sort of upping, which scares the hell out of me, because she'll be 18 next year, so I'm wondering if you guys had seen this documentary when you were 17 would it influence you [several panelists shake their head no] or is there anything that you would say to somebody at 17 who's in the grip that you like would help them like, you know, for body acceptance or whatever it would be, I would love to hear.

Estella: Yes, if I saw this documentary it would have made a difference. There are some people that are stubborn and very hard-headed and I was one of them, especially when you're 19, you think you know everything. If somebody says “oh you're gonna get menopause,” “oh I don't care,” you know, because you don't know what that means. The more information people get I think from first-hand, it makes a difference. I remember—and I said this prior to when we sat down—I didn't get top surgery. I was on testosterone for over seven years, and I was socially trans before that, and then a little bit after that, but I never went for top surgery. Specifically I can remember I watched a testimony of somebody who was transgender, they were a transman, so they were a female, and explaining that they had done all this surgery, and all this hormones, and everything, and it still—they were feeling like it wasn't resolving anything. And I remember he was this big buff bodybuilding guy and I was thinking “oh he's so beautiful I want to be like that” and he was like “don't do it, it will not fix your dysphoria” and so that gave me enough to just hold back, hold back. When I came to Los Angeles, there was no gatekeeping. I went to a very popular trans clinic down the street from here, and I was new in town. It was my first time going and talking to them, and they had an interview with me and like a car dealership, you get a packet of papers and you're good to go, like they have everything. But because I had seen the testimony, I thought “well let me just give myself some more time to think,” and the more you read about long-term and the more you talk about these surgeries and how they affect you in the end, the more you realize “well this is maybe not the most creative solution and this is probably not the most healthy solution,” so that's—I think it would make a difference, I think that absolutely this this film is a snapshot into history, and a good opportunity for people to get a different perspective. Especially because it's going from a leftist view too, so it's very nice to be able to digest that.

Brian: When I first transitioned, or started to, I specifically remember I saw the testimony of a man named Walter Heyer, he's an elderly man who I believe did in fact have the vaginoplasty and it didn't stop me. Thankfully, I never had that done, but I was well aware of it. But I was in a very delusional and ideological mindset, so I really don't think seeing this would have stopped me, I really don't. But I would have just told my former self to be careful what you wish for and don't rush into anything, because changing your gender it's not like you know, shaving your head, or you know, something like that, it's very difficult to undo and the further you go, the harder and harder…

Rachel: One thing for me, in female social circles, I definitely felt like I got “cool points” for it and I was already in my 20s, and it's got to be ten times that when you're in high school, so I feel like almost anything you would say would just fuel it even more, because it's like “oh this is something you're not allowed to do,” and it's kind of risky, so that's more exciting. And I don't know if this would help, but one of the biggest reasons I detransitioned was because I realized I felt affirmed in my identity as a “man” when I was with my female friend group, but then as you get more and more masculine, they don't see you as a woman anymore, and your brain does literally change, like there is something different with the hormones, so any kind of feelings of belonging she gets like within her current social circle, just basically imagine losing all those female friend groups, because once you look like a man, it doesn't really work the same. So like I don't know, I'm not really even sure how to explain that to a kid, but like “would you do this if you were completely alone by yourself without the affirmation of all your friends?” And she'd probably say “yeah sure I would,” but people tend to socialize in gendered groups, so just imagine if she can't socialize with her current friends, because of the way that they see her as, like, a man, later on. I don’t know how better to describe that.

Chloe: So, I'm 18 now, I'm a legal adult and as many of you know, I travel around the country talking about this subject. And there's still a lot of things that I can't do legally, like I still can't buy marijuana, or nicotine products, or alcohol. I can't rent a car. I can't even rent a hotel room. Because I'm under the age of 21. And yet, at 13, I was allowed to make the decision to change my sex. But I really don't think that 18 is just some magical age where all of a sudden you're capable of, maybe legally doing something, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you really fully understand what you're doing. I mean, the estimate right now is that most people's brain development finishes at around the age of 25, and it's probably much later for a lot of other people. But brain development aside, there's still a lot of things that people at the age of 18, at the age of 25, and even beyond, don't know about the world. When you're young, you don't really have a lot of knowledge or experience having to do with the world, and I was lucky to find out that I wanted to have kids at the age of 16, and to stop transitioning then, but not a lot of women figure that out until much later now.

Luka: I think particularly when you have a child going into this and you're worried about them heading down the path of medicalization, every situation is different, but presenting a different perspective, I feel like, couldn't hurt. They may not listen, because young people tend to be rather stubborn, but it couldn't hurt. And you know your kid doesn't stop being your child when they reach 18. You still need to be there, and let your concerns be known, with care, and compassion, and a genuine concern for their health and well-being. Keeping that line of communication open, to be that safe adult for your child, even when your child is an adult, is something that young adults still need, everyone needs, to a certain extent. And there's gonna be young people who maybe didn't transition and they reach 18, and rush into stuff, but I don't think it's acceptable to give up on them just because they maybe won't listen or they're hard-headed. If anything, that's when you need to be more compassionate and really keep that line of communication open, because they deserve for you to keep trying.

Laura: Yes, so I think that this documentary definitely would have impacted my perceptions, because although I had a lot of magical thinking, was naive, very stubborn, I was also very overwhelmed and we all started to know the kind of common wisdom “kids need structure.” Everyone needs structure, we need to order chaos, because things are very overwhelming. And I was overwhelmed, that's a lot of what passive suicidal ideation is—just being overwhelmed and your brain goes to this solution, this fantasy solution of escape, so it can deal with it at that moment, and transition is very similar, the transition fantasy. So I think I really was hungering to be helped. I was very alone, from peers and family, and I really wanted a safe adult to really sit down with me and listen to everything, and tell me that they knew how to help. Not in a pushy way, or in a controlling way, but in a way that allowed me to feel like myself, and I just never really got that, because my parents, by the point when I was 19, when I transitioned, they were exhausted, and they were not very equipped to deal with it, and there was some abuse as well, to me, psychologically. So they just kind of did emotionally sort of “give up,” and because I was so stubborn, they said “okay.” And the thing is you know, you just kind of get used to people not seemingly really understanding you, you know. Teachers didn't understand, therapists just—low quality, low, shallow, shallow understanding and so they'll say “yeah you're valid” or like “sure you can, are you sure you want to do it? Yeah okay, you know, maybe it'll help, because you're already so f-cked up, you're already so mentally ill anyway,” so they were very desperate too, my parents. But I was suicidal and had unprocessed trauma—PTSD—so, definitely keeping that connection, I know it's very difficult, but still listening and still being there, and not giving up is this inevitable outcome that “this person is just going to be messed up and they're disabled and they're mentally ill and that's their identity” and trying not to see your child as broken, because I saw myself as a broken human being that didn't deserve love or was capable of achieving happiness, so of course you're going to go to desperate measures, like surgical interventions. So I would say this documentary would have really been a relief to me, because it just provided so many calming, intelligent, rational adults that are experts in the field, they know what they're talking about. It just would have relieved my existential anxiety and overwhelm to know that there is an alternative because I thought that there wasn't. I thought it was either “I'm inevitably going to kill myself and I don't want to live anymore as myself,” or “if I transition maybe that'll help I'm doubtful about it, pretty hopeless, maybe it'll help.” I didn't realize until several years too late, I mean too late in a short-term sense, for the surgery and hormones, that there were alternative pathways, and so I have been able to cure my gender dysphoria and treat my suicidal ideation and PTSD, still working on that one, that one takes some time, but yeah, thank you.

Shape: Yeah, this definitely would have helped me. A lot of things did resonate with me, specifically how autistic people think “black and white.” I didn't feel like I could have existed on a spectrum of a gender while being a biological male. Also the way that's like, I really got obsessed with transition when I found out that it was a “possibility,” so it kind of clouded my entire judgment. Also it's the first time I've heard how dysphoria shifts, so you fix kind of like one part of your body and then you get obsessed over another part, and that actually never went away—I'm still obsessing and experiencing body dysmorphia. Yes, it would have definitely helped me, because at the time I didn't know that many trans people, and definitely didn't know anything about detransitioners, I've heard a little bit, but all the stories were like “well those people were never trans on the first place,” you know, the same things they're telling me right now, so it's a very important documentary, it was pretty well balanced, I'm glad it was not really a radical documentary, it was very factual, so I think that it could help a lot of people.

Luka: I also just wanted to add that when it comes to a parent talking to their child about this, regardless of the age of the child, or anyone in general really, it's important to remember that only telling someone “yes” and telling someone “yes, you're valid” and only affirming them and only saying “yes” is not an act of love. That's not what love is. Love is not giving in to every whim and only saying “yes.” Love is putting up those boundaries and saying “no,” and having to keep someone safe, even when they might be upset at you for it, because only saying “yes,” and only going down one path, and only affirming, isn't love, it's enabling, and I feel like that's just something that parents need to understand with this.

Panel moderator: Thank you, we're going to have another question.

Audience member: Sometimes clinicians tell parents that if you insist too much, if you try to show your children a different reality, they will dig their heels in even further. [Some panelists nod.] What is the difference between the things that do that, versus the things that you think can actually bring on a shift in understanding?

Rachel: I think it's tricky, because I feel like I had to actually, unfortunately, transition to be grounded back in reality, because you’re told all these things—the thing with transition is it's sold as this magic cure, like the snake oil to cure anything, because we don't really understand what gender is anyways, and we haven't really done this experiment culturally. There are a couple people who did it, like, way early in the 1900s, like a handful of people, but it was out of reach for most people until medical science today, so there's this huge placebo effect, and when people have these different mental illnesses, we don't really know a lot of time how to solve them, but the thing is, the power of belief works really well, and transition, there's like this whole “gender euphoria” thing with testosterone, it is very euphoric. How do you bring people back to reality without them having to actually go through it? I think, and this is the tricky thing, I think that's why we're gathered here, is that we don't really hear the downsides of transition, right, we only hear about “oh, this is this euphoric thing that's gonna be life-changing, affirming, it’s going to be this person's real authentic self, and it makes us all good people for affirming, you know these trans kids because you know we have to save them from themselves from suicide.” I don't know, I think just sharing stories of like people who have gone through transition who were, or maybe still identify as trans, but found “hey, like there are some issues with this and there are other ways we can deal with this,” whether that's recognizing there's maybe autism, maybe there's internalized homophobia, there's other kinds of traumas, I think just people being more aware that there's this other side of transition that isn't the the “rosy” side of transition.

Estella: To understand your question, like “how do you avoid them from being you know upset that you're showing them the the other way,” and I remember the mindset that I was in at 19, at the time, I came out on social media because I knew that my parents would give me pushback and I just wanted to just spring it on them and just not give them any chance to have any kind of push back to me. So I remember my mother telling me “You'll never be able to fully get a penis! You'll never be able to impregnate a woman!” all these different things that were logical arguments and I was just like “No no, Buck Angel has a penis!” you know, all these different things, and I just wanted her to hear me, I just wanted her to hear what I thought was going to be a good idea, and I think that maybe a good solution would be “Okay, well, if you want to show me your resources or propaganda or whatever, then I would like you to watch some resources that are from my side” and then that way they could feel listened to and you could see what they're actually looking at and then give them an opportunity “Okay we watched it now please would you watch this documentary with me, or would you read some of the side effects and we'll go in and see ‘Do you know what a cyst is?’ ‘Do you know where those come from?’ ‘So here are all these different side effects.’ ‘What does atrophy mean?’ ‘When a woman goes through atrophy, is it just their uterus or is it their bladder? And all the muscles that are along with that?’” because that's something I didn't know until probably about a year ago, and I'm 27, and I should have been—a doctor should have sat down and talked to me about those, but that never happened, so if you had like a little “give and take” maybe that would be helpful, that's the best solution I can think of right now, in this moment.

Luka: I think it also is, you know, it's somewhat inevitable that when you give pushback, sometimes these kids are going to be upset. It is natural in child development for each age group, is there are boundaries, and it is very natural for kids to push against those boundaries in a healthy way, and it is the job of the adults to make sure that those boundaries are still maintained and that the kid can express that pushback in a healthy way. It's unfortunate with this issue that we've seemingly, as a society, not only we just removed the boundary to push against, but put a medical system there in place. But sometimes when you push back, they're gonna be upset, and they're gonna need a space to really express that, because you know when they are upset, that is an emotion that they are having regardless of if, you know, as an adult, you feel like maybe the reason is stupid, or they're overreacting. To that child, that's a very real experience, that they are very upset about this. And whether that be that they just need some space to go blow off some steam, or they need you to be there as a compassionate adult to explain to them why you did what you did, or they just need someone to listen, it is still a parent or adult's job to do that with a sense of care, because you know you can't force someone to realize things, but you can be there, and you can be there in the best way that that kid needs. And that's going to be different for every kid, and some of them are just, they're gonna be stubborn, they're gonna be upset for long periods of time, but I think just for this issue, we can't just throw out that responsibility that even if a kid is upset, as long as you are doing what you're doing with care, and they are able to process that emotion of being upset, that that is still a good thing, because you know the parents have a lot of emotions in this and they deserve a space to process those as well. The kids are going to have a lot of emotions, and we really have seemingly taken away that space that they need to process those to come to the realization that maybe you know “hey maybe my mom isn't pushing back because she's hateful, maybe she's concerned” or you know the parent being “maybe my kid isn't acting out because you know I told them ‘no’ but maybe they're acting out because there is a deeper issue there and they are crying out for help.”

Laura: Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking. I just wanted to add on to the idea of boundaries. What I often tell parents is, you know, this isn't palatable to hear, but the reality is that whether you tiptoe around—I've known parents that tiptoe around every little thing and they're walking on eggshells all of the time and it's extremely stressful—and I know parents who just get right up in there and take charge and say “no I'm the parent and I'm doing this” and I've known both sort of methods being taken and it is up to the individual parenting style, and the relationship you have with the child, but the reality is that as Lukas said, pushing back against authority and against parental wisdom is natural, normal, and even healthy. It can be an opportunity to further develop the relationship, because a child needs to learn how to manage their emotions. They need to learn how to take “no” for an answer, they need to learn how to look critically at other people's perspectives, and so it's very difficult. But repair is the other side to preserving a relationship. There will be conflicts, sometimes severe conflicts and damage will be done to the relationship, and so I think a lot of parents are focused so much on not damaging the relationship, which is understandable, but once it is damaged, I think that's when a lot of people might get into a really worse situation than if they had focused more on just the long run, you know, each little incident or confrontation is a smaller battle in a longer war, a war of preserving a relationship and having just a healthy life for everyone involved. I think focusing on “how do you repair” learning how to repair with your child is going to be critical, because it might be a very long period of time where they're processing things and if you act resentfully towards them, or bitter, or start punishing them, overly criticizing them. This is a more severe version of what may happen, but I had a parent who would verbally abuse me and gaslight me about it, and you know, I understand that they were angry and they were emotionally dysregulated, and that shouldn't have happened, but once it did happen, there was another opportunity there, the real work could have lied in the repair, that they had an opportunity to repair their relationship and further understand my perspective, but instead of doing that, they would gaslight me about it, and say that it was my fault, and say that never happened and that they did nothing wrong and in fact, I was, you know, punishing them or being a b-tch to them, you know, it was like very manipulative, that really damaged me, to feel it was all my fault, no matter what I did. Any emotion I had was unacceptable, and so whether it's arising to the level of like verbal abuse, or just—it's a spectrum of behaviors—but being able to repair and to acknowledge, you know, “I understand that this is painful for you” and not adding a “but” into it or like “but I feel this way” or like “but you're not listening” or like “you're so difficult, you're so difficult to deal with” you know, something I've heard a lot.

[cont] Really listening, and allowing them space so that they can start to trust you again, because the more you push when there's already been a damage a fracture to the relationship, the further and further away they're going to get, and then you might try to cling on even more, they're going to keep going. So it is inevitable that there will be damage, and I do think it's more prudent in the long term to think about the bigger picture of the relationship, and you may even lose what many people consider to be the biggest battle of all, which is when they get testosterone, when they get a prescription for hormones, when they get surgery, when they become an adult and they do something permanent, the reality is that even that is only a battle in the long-term war. There is life after the surgeries, obviously none of us advise doing it, but I think a lot of parents are so focused on just preventing that surgical outcome that they may lose sight of other ways to better the relationship, and once gender is over, what if they what if they forget about gender, what if you forget about gender, what what would that even be like? Are you consuming so much of your life based around that? Is there anything else in your marriage but just talking about the kids' gender problems, for example. And I'm not criticizing anyone, but I feel, you know, think about the long term, and things come and go, you know.

Shape: I'll be quick, I feel like one thing I've learned being in trans and detrans community, a lot of us have childhood trauma and if your kid thinks that they may be trans, maybe there's some trauma you don't know about, maybe you failed to protect them from predators, maybe you're the source of the trauma, because a lot of parents have been traumatized as kids themselves so they have all those personality disorders that they kind of transfer to their kids, so sometimes you need to look at yourself as well before communicating better with your child. Also unfortunately right now a lot of trans activists such as Jeffrey Marsh are teaching children online that they should go “no contact” with their parents if parents try to push back on transgender identity, which is completely crazy. It's pretty much emotionally manipulating parents to agree to support their transition, which sucks.

Chloe: Right. I mean, I agree that as a parent there are going to be some things that you'll have to do for your child that you may not necessarily want to, that they may not necessarily want, or that might not be the best for your relationship in the short term, and for a lot of parents this does involve taking away all Internet devices like their computers, iPads, phones, whatever else might give them internet access, and I think in most cases this is a good approach, but I think that if you're going to take something away, you have to replace it with something. A lot of these kids, the problem is a lot of them are addicted to the internet, because they were introduced to at a young age, and these devices are very stimulating, and for a lot of kids, especially kids who may not necessarily have a lot of friends at school, it can give them a sense of community online, but I really don't think that the internet and technology in general is really appropriate developmentally for most kids and teens, and a lot of these kids, they don't feel like they really belong to any communities in person, they don't really have any friends at school, a lot of them are bullied, many of them aren't really active in clubs, or sports, or extracurricular programs. If you're going to take away this one big thing from them, you have to replace it with I think one of those, which they should be in already.

Brian: Yeah, just real quick, I think one of the things that would have helped me in the beginning was if I had just gotten out of my woke echo chamber at my college, like if I had someone took me surfing, or gone dirt biking, gotten into some kind of rigorous exercise, I think that would have really helped, but yeah it's true. My psychologist, when my dad wasn't down with it, she was like “eh, you just won't have a father anymore” and I cut him out of my life for many years and I regret that now but, you know, had I just gone camping with my dad a couple times, or just listened to—I mean once I started listening to—it's really corny, but I started—I listened—there was two podcasts with Joe Rogan that I listened to as a trans, I was like “no no no, I'm still a man, I like man things,” and you know, not that women can't like, you know, MMA fights and, you know, certain things, but, you know it really realized that, and being sober, I was like “I made a huge mistake,” and yeah, take your kids out in nature.

[Time is reached, panel ends. Panel moderator thanks panelists, and informs the audience about current bills being considered in the legislature.]

#gender critical #gender is a social construct #human rights #detransitioners #detrans #detransitioning #transgender #gender ideology #gender identity #youtube video #video #transcript #transgender ideology #Youtube

[morlock-holmes]

You guys remember this bit from The Simpsons?

I spent my whole life assuming that this would happen to me, partly because I wasn't even with it at the time.

What was I with 20 or 30 years ago?

Gender Non-Conformity

Gay acceptance

Liking My Little Pony even though I was a boy

Superhero Comics

Star Wars and Star Trek

Earthbound

Mystery Science Theater 3000

Anime

Watching cartoons even though I was "too old"

And now all that stuff is considered super outdated and- Wait, I'm getting a breaking news bulletin, apparently the shit I was into as a teen has actually been the entire basis of pop culture for the last 15 years.

So that's already thrown me for a loop. The stuff I was into as a kid was supposed to be as outdated today as Donna Summers and Leisure suits were in the 90s.

And what's really throwing me as we go into the raging 20s is that there seems to be this society-wide effort to just pretend that the generation gap is just as big as it was in the 60s. It makes me feel like society is just gaslighting me.

Look, I don't know shit about Soundcloud Rap and I can't do any TikTok dances, I will admit that right upfront, but, like, what kids have to understand is that from about roughly 1950 to 2000, ignorance of youth trends wasn't an option.

Yeah, older conservatives didn't understand or like the hippie movement, but they sure as hell knew about them, that movement was so important that mainstream pop culture had to react. You could misunderstand them, but it would have taken a tremendous amount of work to not know about them. It would have been the equivalent of someone today saying "What are these 'Marvel' movies you speak of? I've never heard of those!"

So even if there is some hidden, underground part of youth culture that would blow my square, button down mind if I ever saw it the very fact that I haven't seen or heard of it is a major change from how things worked for the second half of the 20th century.

And as for the things I have heard of, oh no, kids today listen to BTS, that's so totally different from the Backstreet Boys how will the generations ever understand each other when they grew up in such completely different contexts?

I really will die on this hill. It makes me feel like I'm taking crazy pills, every time I hear about some kind of unrelatable thing the younger generation does it's like, yeah, that's almost exactly what I was doing 20 years ago but I'm supposed to pretend that I'm the guy in Pleasantville seeing a hippie for the first time.

#pet peeve #the generation gap #Millenials and Gen Z are exactly the same change my mind #Youtube

[junebugwriter]

I guess I never had much of a chance.

I just started watching Jessie Gender on Youtube's essay about masculinity and... it hit like a goddamn truck. So much of what she talks about in her past so closely mirrors my own, it's downright eerie. Down to the fact that I was an Eagle Scout. Although, to be fair, it sounds like she had a much better time in it than I did, considering I never really made many friends in my boy scout troop, and I never worked any of the camps.

But to the point... I really did echo a lot of her experience. I tried my hardest to be a man. To live up to the ideals of masculinity that society enforces. But I was never going to be anything close to that. I was always too fat, too sensitive, too emotional, and too unathletic to ever be anything close to Western Masculinity (tm).

I did try though. I was desperate to be seen as something close to approaching masculine, but it came out in such strange ways.

For those who don't know me in person, I grew up in the United Methodist Church, quite literally. My dad was a pastor all his life, and that's the only life I knew growing up. As such, we lived life "in a fishbowl," as we'd call it. That means we were supposed to be the Model Family. Above all reproach, under all scrutiny. If any of us stepped out of line, we were going to be reprimanded for it. Do you folks on here have any idea what that does to a kid? My parents loved me, to be sure, and I bear them little ill will. They did their best under the circumstances. But we were a religious family in Texas. There's very little non-conformity afforded to us. My mother, God bless her, she already bucked tradition. She wasn't exactly feminine, mostly. Sure, she wore dresses, wore makeup, even went square dancing with my dad. But she had little time for the trappings of femininity, and only wore them under obligation. She did not enjoy being a pastor's spouse, for the most part. She endured it, for my Dad's sake, but she made no secret that she wasn't going to pretend to be some Stepford Wife bizarro Tammy Faye Bakker. Not her.

So I grew up with my dad, a uniquely anxious person, stressed about how me and my brother were going to make it. My dad was a pretty old-school guy, but at heart he was a bleeding heart liberal, as much as one could be in Texas in the 80's and 90's in religious circles. There's not a single Democratic president he didn't vote for. He was Democrat til he dies. Yet... that could never be public knowledge. Not in the church. Not in Texas. So already, we became bearers of secrets. Mom isn't a pastor's wife. Dad isn't a Republican. And so we were taught to bear our own secrets.

I'm neurodivergent. I have ADHD. And I am almost entirely incapable of telling a lie. (Ask my partner, she knows!) But little secrets... that was a matter of survival. Little secrets, for the benefit of the Image. Everyone has them, I learned. But God help you if your secrets ever got out.

So I learned, and learned, and learned some more. I'd ask questions, and to their credit my parents answered most of them truthfully, if they could. But there were some things you do not question.

One of them was gender. But I did not know that word.

How could I?

Not in that environment. Not in the fishbowl. Not in Texas. Not in the church.

Girls did x, boys did y, and that's that. Girls were x, boys were y, and that's it. End of discussion. Black and white.

There were signs I did not conform. I loved the show Barney and Friends... until I overheard kids at school call it a show for girls and little babies. Not a show for boys.

Overnight I stopped watching.

I used to sleep with a blanket every night. I loved, adored that little blanket. I found solace in Linus from Peanuts, and his little blue blanket. But my father chafed at its ever-presence. He never said anything against it, but he didn't have to. I could tell. So my mother, God bless her, she stitched me and my brother some pillows with fun animal designs on them. They substituted for the blanket. Father approved, as they had things like tigers and killer whales on them, which were Boy Approved (tm) things to like.

But then there was the ladybug puppet. It was a cute little stuffed ladybug that fit on my hand, and it even had an extra leg so as to be anatomically accurate. I slept with that every night.

Until my mother told me that dad didn't want me to do it anymore. He was worried it was too "feminine." And she said it in a very sing-song voice, a teasing tone I grew all too familiar with.

So into the closet the puppet went. And me with it.

I became hyper-vigilant about what could be perceived as "feminine" from there on out. I watched what I did like a hawk, trying never to ever raise the annoyance or ire of my dad or my peers. But it was never enough. As anyone who has ever had to play that game of gender chess, there was never going to be any chance for someone who is a trans girl to ever be anything but, even if they didn't know that was what they were.

I didn't hear the word "transgender" until I was in grad school. By then, I had already felt a call to ministry. By then, I had long ago locked up all gender nonconformity in a closet back when I was in grade school. I had lost an entire childhood, teenhood, early young adulthood. And by then, I felt like they described what being trans was like, as if it was for someone else. Glad I didn't deal with that issue!

But I did. I simply did not allow myself to question things. Did not allow myself to break the box I was put in as a child. Because I was a white guy, going to be a pastor. I figured I would just be that all my life.

Life has changed about three times since then. I only allowed myself to ask myself the hard gender questions in October of last year. I was 35. I'm turning 36 this next month.

I'm starting my life over again, a fourth time. But I'm actually looking forward to the future, for the first time in my entire life.

Because now it actually exists.

#lgbtq #gender #transgender #childhood #church #religion #christianity #biography #jessie gender #ministry #united methodist church #texas #the south #queer #in the closet #trans femme #trans feminine #personal

[mychemicalraymance]

People getting offended about others using She/Her pronouns for Gerard need to get off their computers and spend time with more irl queer people. This is not an earnest act of misgendering, as I’ve seen some people call it. Gerard has worn a few elaborate costumes and referring to dress Gerard as “she” is more an act of respect towards the costume/the performance/the persona, like referring to drag queens by she/her even when they make public appearances out of drag.

this is sort of touchy right now, but i generally agree with you. i respect that people understand it as an act of misgendering and it's perfectly fine to not enjoy seeing it if it feels that way. but we know gerard via performance only. and this is a specifically queer and gendered performance. i agree it is similar to how drag works when it comes to pronouns; however i DO see people earnestly using she for gerard (you can tell the difference) and i think that's overexcited at best. if gerard ever said anything about pronouns we would listen but that's the thing, the whole point of ALL of this is the lack of explication, and that's what is so unruly about this gender non conformity. we are not speaking to gerard the person; if we ever ARE speaking to gerard the person (as a concept not literally) i think using his historical pronouns is what should happen. pronouns don't reflect the concrete identity of a person, and they are more socially complex than reflecting the inner entity of one individual (though they DO that as well). there is queer theory, guys, and it can be used to understand how and why we talk about certain parts of this yes queer performance.

#takes

[jennelikejennay]

Couldn't sleep last night so I made a mental list of all the characters in The Locked Tomb to check for anybody, literally anyone at all, who abides by gender roles. Because while it's true that some people exist in the book who aren't noticeably queer, even the apparently straight people aren't doing gender according to any 1st through 21st century standard. Heck, the whole cav/necro dynamic is a gender inversion—the buff one serves the physically frail one.

There are some spoilers.

So we begin.

The Second House, Judith and Marta. Girls but military. Not gender conforming.

The Third House. We have buff lady Corona, prince Ianthe, and lip balm Babs. No gender roles here.

The Fourth House. A sword swinging girl and a frail boy with a braid and earrings. 404 gender not found.

The Fifth House is so conventional, right? Okay but remember the wife is the boss and the husband sends invitations, takes care of kids, and is a wife guy. Only moderate levels of gender here.

Sixth: again, brainy boy, sword lady. In any traditional fantasy (see: Wheel of Time) these would be gender swapped.

Seventh: I don't see Dulcie breaking any gender norms because she is too busy being mostly dead. Pro however writes lyric poems, so he's at any rate not a total meathead.

Eighth: their gender is being assholes. No obvious non conformity anyway. They are too busy sucking.

Ninth: who's the girl, the sword swinging porn viewing meathead or the filthy trash goblin? Which among them is pretty and coy and submissive? I vote Harrow as more femme by process of elimination but I can't think of a single time she performed femininity and was comfortable with it.

Jod: plays with barbies.

Mercymorn: not strongly gendered but I don't see any non conformity.

Augustine: ditto.

Gideon: very manly, which is why it's funny that half the time his body is piloted by a girl.

Wake: what says femininity like an orange haz suit and a giant gun? She actually reproduces with her own body, that's very womanly of her, but she calls it Bomb.

The Angel: we don't even know the Angel's gender, not really. I think Nona's right to use she/her and the Angel clearly likes that, but all the descriptions given suggest she may be presenting as a man and then there's all the plural stuff.

We Suffer: if I were doing stereotypes I would not have the masked terrorist cell leader be a girl

Pash: or the bodyguard

Nona: I could write a term paper on whether she in fact counts as female at all, but character wise she's another of those characters that doesn't have much gender suggested at all.

Resolved: in The Locked Tomb, gender is simply not a thing except when it is subverted. Did Jod create a utopia where nobody has gender expectations in the first place? Or do our characters just have too much on their mind to get surprised when a lady calls herself a prince? Either way, it's heckin refreshing and one of the things I love about the series.

#the locked tomb #Gideon the Ninth #locked tomb spoilers #gender

[wordsarefakeokay]

What does capitalism taste like

Does it taste like white picket fences and 2.5 kids

What about a dog in the backyard and BBQs on the weekend

Knowing all your neighbors names and having the HOA on speed dial

Does it taste like the life you want to live?

Are the HOA in your contacts because they keep calling you

Or are you calling them

Does that complicated C word taste the homogeneity in your neighborhood

Where the police arrive in 2 seconds flat, with a gate and a patrol to match

Does it taste like "I'll wait here for your manager" and weekends at the golf course

Does it taste like a martini because the trophy spouse has a long day?

Does it taste like security cams and a ranch on the property with the stable boys and the guest house to the side with the cabana ones?

Does it taste like equestrianship is in your blood from birth? What about fencing?

Does it taste like ivy league vines crawling up babies spines from birth?

Does it taste like "Harvard is your dream not mine" and then rebellion

Does rebellion look like a fully funded backpack trip to Europe with your first great love

Or does it look like "I'm going to work for my parents equally rich rival company"

Or does it look like different freedom, independence, simply a different life

Where you can still ask your parents for money because you reached a happy ever after in the movie

What does capitalism taste like

Happily ever after is fake for us real folks so it must hold true for those up top right?

People in gated communities who's stepford mother's figures are earned with the local book club

Who's menopause kicks in at the same pace because we're all just clucking hens bonding together aren't we

Aren't we all just girls looking to connect with other girls in line for the bathroom?

Let's be honest, we all have some kind of mommy issue don't we? #justgirlythings

And what about the men? Is it really just an opportunity to measure up?

Is it a subtle side eye to measure manhood, even tho bro code states "thou must not make eye contact with another bro I'm the bathroom"

Doe you feel like enough when you see a guy like your ex is now dating

Do you feel reassured when you notice your manhood is better?

Why does size matter?

Why am I automatically called "a little lady" by cowboys who are raised to believe "bigger in Texas" really means better

Is this what capitalism does

Does "be a man" follow men into the bathroom like "don't be a pussy" does for women?

Why must public communal bathrooms make us decide a gender right at that moment

Can't we measure a bathroom by the content of their room?

Stalls or urinals? Privacy or not? Right this way fellow citizen

Citizen. Human. Person. Life.

What does capitalism taste like

Does it taste like legislation against the gays?

No cakes no websites no space no homos

No healthcare no rights no sports pro bono

Hare dare anyone use pronouns! Fake news!

Them libs want you to think you can be referred to anything but your name. It's the devil's work

Didnt you hear that song? Call me by your name? He was a devil in the music I daresay! The devil!!

I'd let the devil fuck me

At least he would treat me right and show me a good time

What has capitalism done

This thing we fought for so that all our founders' legacies might have a future

Future away from tyranny and taxation and being slaves to our king

We have no kind any more, no crown jewels to protect, but we act the same

Why is the one who's always on top always the winner who writes the history

The winner who's educated

from a family with money

who were taught good Christian values

with a fencing rapier in hand and

Shakespeare in their veins

Is this what capitalism does

Dilutes us to the elite

Homogeneous suburbia and "all you need is fairy tales and you can be rich too"

Political correctness and "just find a man to solve your problems"

Register to vote and "be a man or you're not good enough"

It's not just little girls who get told their not good enough

The gender non conforming community has definitely unlocked a whole cheat code on life

That and the furries who have been the scientific backbone of this country for eons

But why do my apples taste not like what an apple tree looks like in the movies?

The one in the corner of Mamma Mia on the isle in Greece

Where my problems were solved by not getting married but traveling the world as a skinny white woman with her Kenough manly man

Singing voice for character wink

Why don't my apples taste like those on the Grecian island where the stories of the locals are forgotten to the American story, the American dream

I escaped my mom and became one myself

I'm a self made woman now

With a mortgage she can't pay and life problems that were clearly solved by marrying the man who hurt her the most in life

Why doesn't my apple taste like how that apple tree looks?

Why doesn't it taste like the apple from the garden?

Why doesn't it taste like the freedom eve must have felt when she disobeyed

Why is the taste of temptation diluted in my cheap apple from the superstore in the fruit section

Does it taste like pesticide and FDA regulations

Who keeps them in check? The CDC? WHO?

The DOJ or FBI or NAFTA or the Geneva convention

Was it a Geneva suggestion or a line from the treaty of Versailles or did agent orange bring us here

How many babies were born deformed before I ate this apple

And how many nat GMO products have I consumed that my human body has endured?

What does capitalism taste like? Because I swear, remaining tribal lands must not be like this

Forgotten poor African villages eat different

Forgotten poor native south America cultures remain intact on top of mountains that the white or Spanish or French have not yet learned to monetize

And now they will never because the people on the ground know better and are stronger

And capitalism stays the same

Progress is progress no matter how small

But all this progress

Is it good for us

Good for our taste buds

They say to beware vaccines and microchips but aren't we already a cyborg because we carry a favored microchip in our hands?

The ones we avoid calls from home on and instead laugh at cat videos

We share, bare our souls online to strangers but the people in our lives could never break our pokerface

But if we were born this way

Would we ever know what capitalism tastes like

If we don't ask someone else?

Does capitalism taste like the additive sugar in a fun size bar of crunch

Does it taste like the chocolate take over energy found in the Nestle headquarters

Or does it taste like the cocaine they put into coca cola to keep people buying more

I'm not convinced that the girl scouts didn't take that idea for themselves

Does capitalism taste like the working conditions of these massive corporate overlords

Or the factories where they bottle and bag and package comfort for 1.25

Does it taste the endless metallic conveyor belts

Or the chance that peanuts were used in any of those products

Does it taste like our countries trade deal for cheap products made from other companies

Does it taste like the the sweat shops that make your favorite new shirt or those fashionable high tops

Does it take like the abused labor that built this country

Does it taste like all the ghost statues of people who should have been memorialized instead of forgettable white men from history

Does it taste like the rust they should have earned all along

Or does it taste like the pain of forgotten artists

The heart of Harlem the beasts of Boston the cheeps of the Cherokee

Does it sound like the ones who's names we forget

The neglected breaks of the Oregon trail the gentrification of the only pockets of culture in this country

The Japanese internment camps

Border patrol and the place where there was almost a wall

Are the tears of all the family members of witches still a part of Salem

What about the hurt caused by the fights for gender equality that excluded black women

Does capitalism taste like Jim Crow or strange fruit

Just because it's rotting in the back doesn't mean it's in our past

These caged birds still sing can't you hear?

I fear for my brother and my niece and my nephew daily, their lives matter too

Friends neighbors family

They're still part of your labor or did you forget what The 13th taught us

Toni Morrison, Frederick Douglas

Miles Davis, Billie Holliday

MLK and Malcom X

HER and Missy Elliott

They run in our veins

The revolution is not televised

Stonewall certainly can't be told by anyone else

Nor can we forget the power of black trans women in the creation of pride spaces

What about the flyover cities that are meant for rural living with signs screaming "no airport here"

The pain of the indigenous people who's land a mindless mall was built over

Being given back land that belonged to those born here ages past

Ancestral home can be yours with a side of steak knives

And while I'm here can I interest you in the Book of Mormon

What about their tears? Their blood their breaks their pain

Does capitalism taste like that?

The endless lost even now and memorialized in art with a red handprint to their portrait

The lack of water and resources to land promised back

Ancestral home returned but you're on your own. Unless you're ready to hear about our Lord and savior

When will we realize we aren't a savior to begin with

Is this what capitalism tastes like?

Institutions built for white people who forgot that the land isn't theirs and never was

Home of the brave where those with the most force and money can get anywhere

We're the underdogs, the land of opportunity, come on by

You just have to follow these few simple rules

So if you're not perfect or cookie cutter, don't worry we'll just sand around the edges

So you'll fit into these boxes and society can know what to do with you

But if you're too much or not enough be ready to hate the rest of your days here

Welcome to the country of goldilocks and fuck you if you're not "just right"

What does capitalism taste like for you?

#first draft tbh #writing #spilled ink #poem #capitalism #society #this really needs a section on like 9/11 and muslims and tsa and things #asian people and driving stereotypes being smart and expectations #Filipino and Pacific islander culture and what it meants to work hard #and more in depth on the latin culture too of coming to america and dreamers and many many more things #russian people from old country simply trying to move forward #all the other groups of people i know i forgot #people with disabilities #blind deaf hoh mobility #people who need mobility aids #meedication and mental illness #physical health #mental health #jobs #no jobs #queer kink poly gnc #so many many many more #we'll see how this one develops #my writing #edited my own poem

[genderqueerdykes]

Genuine question, I saw a screenshot of one of your posts, and how can some trans people get euphoria from not passing? I thought to be trans you had to have some form of gender dysphoria, gender euphoria, or both. I don't mean any malice with this question, I'm just trying to understand perspectives outside my own. I've never heard of trans people getting euphoria from not passing and I would like to learn more!

i appreciate you taking the time to ask!

dysphoria is not required to be trans! i that doesn't really make much sense. i don't know where people have gotten that from over time. i think people might be getting confused with the diagnostic criteria for Gender Identity Disorder, which is not required to be trans and is pretty outdated, if you ask me. we don't have to pathologize transness to accept the validity of the experience. being trans just means identifying as a gender that differs from your assigned gender at birth, dysphoria is not a required part of the experience.

misery is not inherent to the experience for every trans person. the discomfort that comes from being misgendered is crushing and evading it is very important to some of us- but some of us simply do not care what others think about us or how they address us, and for some of us, being addressed incorrectly gives us power. some trans people just literally don't care about being misgendered, or don't view it as entirely inaccurate.

for me, confusing people is part of the experience. as someone who doesn't have a sex or gender to "pass" as, i enjoy my niche of being a funky little gender shapeshifter who nobody can seem to figure out what they are. = ) it's fun! try it some time. i literally got the most gender euphoria i've ever received in my life when someone came up to me and addressed me by "Sir? ....... Ma'am?? .... Look, I'm sorry, I can't tell."

the only "criteria" for being trans is identifying as a gender that differs from your AGAB. the rest of the experience is up to the individual trans person. some trans people may never ever get gender euphoria- many people don't! many trans people don't experience dysphoria OR euphoria and simply just have moments of gentle realization. it's not always a life-consuming experience- some trans people don't even transition! some of us do. it really just depends on the individual

some people don't have a gender to pass as- some people are nonbinary, genderqueer, crossdressers, drag performers, genderfuckers, genderfluid and gender non conforming people or have "other" genders that you can't "pass" as. hell, most of the point of genderqueer and gender non conforming identities IS to "look trans" and not pass. some people just don't care if they pass at all. i don't care if i pass, because i never will due to being intersex. there's nothing to pass as, no matter how i've tried to gender myself, it's always "wrong" in the eyes of greater society because i'm "too manly" to be a girl but "can't be a guy".

genderfuckers, nonbinary people, neutrois people, genderqueer people, gender non conforming people, and any binary trans man or woman who don't pass and don't care about passing are just as trans as anyone else. every trans person who "doesn't pass" doesn't take away from those who have to for their own safety and survival- there's as many ways to be trans as there are people on this planet! it doesn't help to force every single trans person into a box of "you have to meet all of these check boxes Or Else" and it really doesn't help to enforce the idea that trans people Have to be miserable in order to Earn their transness.

hope that helps! take care, and have a great day =)

#asks #answers #trans #transgender #trans pride #transgender pride #ftm #mtf #trans men #trans guy #trans man #trans woman #trans women #trans lady #trans girl #trans boy #genderqueer #nonbinary #enby #gender non conforming #gender non conformity #genderfuck #neutrois #transgender positivity #transgender rights #transgender issues #radfem rhetoric #terf rhetoric #transmedcalism tw #transmed tw

[genderfluidarchive]

I know that clothes ≠ gender but sometimes I feel like I'm faking and I'm not a "true" genderfluid person, because I really do like dresses and frilly clothes and girl-ish stuff in general… But sometimes I like to wear them even in my masc days, and I feel like I don't have the right to ask people to refer to me with he/him pronouns because of it…

Idk if somone else feels like this, but I'd appreciate if someone had a solution to it!!

i definitely understand feeling like your gender somehow isn't valid because of your traits or hobbies or likes or presentation.

so how to deal with it?

disclaimer that often it takes some time to get over internalized transphobia, just keep working at it and reminding yourself that you are valid and can be whoever you want to be. forever.

ok first of all: everything gendered is totally arbitrary. there is nothing that is inherently masculine or feminine, technically. humans just like to make categories and put labels on things even when there's no true meaning or reason behind it. if you lived in a different country or a different time period, different things would be considered masculine. different things would be considered feminine. it truly doesn't matter in the scheme of who you are. whether you're a girl who likes tech or a guy who collects american girl dolls, you're still your gender.

second of all: do a little thought exercise for me and think of it in terms of other people. flip the genders - for instance, if a girl was really into weightlifting and other "masculine" hobbies, she'd just be a tomboy or butch girl. you would still respect her as a girl, right? and if you knew a guy who likes frills and pretty things, wouldn't you still respect him as a guy? why should it be any different for you? i mean this in a completely positive way - you are not the specialest person in the world, and that's a good thing. and i have to tell myself this too lmao. there is nothing that makes you so fundamentally different from other people that you don't deserve your gender and identity respected regardless of how you present.

third of all: look for cis men who are really feminine. look for cis men who are just kinda feminine. look for feminine men. find media with gender-non-conforming characters. there are plenty of them. number one: it will make you feel more normal. number two: would you question their identity because of how they present or what they like? no. at least i hope not lol.

fourth, maybe: create OCs that are like you. create art about your experience. find other people who are genderfluid and like feminine things. find friends who you know will accept and respect your identity. remind yourself that you deserve to be respected.

p.s. my younger brother has a bed full of plushies, wears makeup sometimes, and owns a corset that im lowkey jealous of but i can't steal bcos we don't wear the same size *pouts grumpily*. my ex-boyfriend liked skirts and split dyed his hair white and red. boys are all different. you're as valid as a boy/masc person (when you are one) as everyone else.

i hope something in this helped! go listen to your favorite song n be kind to yourself. you rock!

#genderfluid #genderfluid things #genderfluidity #genderfluid experiences #genderfluid positivity #kiley talks #genderfluid tips #kiley answers