#still struggles with it. from staying with the joker and that toxic relationship and the way its different than her mother's yet is | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tarrenterror25 · 1 year

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Black Mask/Roman Sionis(Arkham Origins) x F!Reader Title: Yours Rating: Explicit 18+ Word count: 4K Summary: It's been almost a year since you've been dating Roman Sionis and you're the first person he's been with since Joker took everything from him. It's been a tough year for you both, but maybe the holiday spirit can lighten the mood.

Tags: MxF, toxic relationship, love-bombing, I-can-fix-him mentality, possessive and controlling Black Mask, swearing, smut, unprotected PiV, praise (f giving), sub!Roman if you squint

🔥NSFW🔥

WARNING: This contains depictions of a toxic relationship and possibly other triggering content. I do not condone the actions depicted. This is a work of fiction.

Note: This has gone through a LOT of editing, but it's at a point where anymore editing and I won't be happy with it at all. I debated posting it for a minute there. Sorry if there are still some typos or discombobulations! This is based on some headcanons I did that can be found here. Read on AO3

Morning light creeps into the bedroom and stirs you from your sleep. You stretch your limbs and will your eyes to open.

You eye the empty side of the bed where crumpled sheets lay along with a pillow in need of some fluffing.

Roman must be off doing...work. He doesn't really tell you what he does and you don't really ask.

You roll over and bury your face into his pillow. His scent lingers on the soft white linen; patchouli from his cologne and the aroma of vodka. You recall fixing him a drink last night before heading to bed. He must have had more than the one drink judging from the smell.

You sigh.

You know Roman's in a mood today after your fight yesterday about wanting to go out with your friends. Anytime he feels your relationship with him might be compromised he gets this way. All you wanted was to go out and have some drinks. He managed to spin it into you trying to pull away from him and your friends steering you away from him.

You've been struggling to come up with a way to soothe his worries, not completely because you're realistic, but just a little. It pains you to see him a slave to his own mind and falling prey to his delusions. With your one year anniversary coming up, you need something to show him that you're not walking out on him.

You untangle yourself from the warm covers and get dressed for the day. Your mind drifts to when you first experienced Roman's paranoia. It caught you off guard and overwhelmed you. You admit, it even scared you a little...

"Babe, what the fuck are you even talking about!?" He shouted.

You stood on the opposite side of the bed, stuffing clothes into your suitcase. You weren't trying to have a big argument. You were trying to be understanding, but he wasn't making it easy.

You zipped up your suitcase and started making your way towards the door. "I'm just saying, it's fine, I get it, Roman. You have stuff going on and just need time to yourself," you explained.

Roman quickly moved in front of you. His pupils constricted with anger, panic, and fear. He yanked the suitcase from you, nearly taking your arm with it, and threw it across the room with a shout. You watched it smash against a frame on the wall. The glass shattered and the frame crashed to the floor.

"You're not leaving!" Roman said. "Time to myself? What, you think I'm fucking crazy? Is that it?"

"Roman," you said softly, your eyes still on the broken frame.

"Fuck, you do! You think I'm fucking crazy for trying to protect you?!"

"Roman, please, " you said trying to steady your voice.

He rushed at you, making you flinch. He took hold of your face firmly in his hands. You closed your eyes and instinctively tried to step back from him. "Look at me," he commanded. "Fucking look at me."

You opened your eyes and met his intense gaze. "I fucking love you," he said. "Do you understand? You can't leave."

You start to speak, "Roman, I don't think I should stay he-"

"I'm...I'm fucking sorry!," he said, his grip on your face tightening making you inhale sharply. Your cheeks started to squish between your teeth as his fingers flexed around your flesh. "I know I get like this, but I need you here, okay?" he said. "You can't leave."

You adjust your hair in the mirror then sort through your makeup.

You remember how Roman kissed you that night and how he held you; like at any moment you'd slip away if he loosened his grip. The next morning you woke to tons of luxurious gifts from the best designer boutiques in Gotham and he even spent the whole day with you. You unboxed a new fur coat, new heels, jewelry, perfumes, and flowers. The two of you went out to dinner and dancing and he didn't take a single business call.

Some of your friends questioned why you stayed with him. They didn't have the context that you did; how Joker killed his last girlfriend and how closed off he had been since. Roman would never admit his fear, but you knew it was there and it was what made him even more on edge. No one understood how you wanted to be the one to soothe his fears.

Your phone chimes and you unlock the screen.

A text from Roman.

"Good morning, beautiful."

You respond and let him know you'll be out shopping today. Christmas was right around the corner and you hadn't started shopping for your friends, family, or even Roman.

At your beck and call is a personal driver; since you two had started dating Roman insisted you never travel alone. You thought it was a little over the top at first, but understood it to be another one of Roman's safety measures.

You're not bothered by the shadow of someone deceased, you just want to help Roman feel more secure in his relationship with you.

Just down the street from Lacey Towers, there's a block full of boutiques and shops. Your shopping trip proves to be therapeutic and instead of all the bumps in your relationship with Roman, you reflect on the good things.

Roman's passion for things is unmatched as far as you can tell. After a string of half hearted relationships, it was was nice to have someone who was all-in.

There's a light snow fall as you step out of a store. A snowflake settles on your cheek. It's cold, but reminds you of a warmer side of Roman; of how he holds you, his embrace leaves no room for doubts. You exhale, watching your breath swirl in front of you. You just want to him to be as sure of you as you are of him.

The driver helps load your finds into the car. You found gifts for everyone on your list except one person. What do you even give to the man who has everything?

Before you get into the car, across the street, a jewelry store catches your attention. Through the snow, the sunlight glints off of something in the window. "Hold on a moment, " you say to the driver.

You make your way across the street and peek into the window.

It's a watch. The color of the band is a deep navy almost teal color. The face is solid black and sleek without numbers. The hands match the color of the band. It's exquisite sitting on the pedestal and your gut tells you this is the one. Your heart swells as you enter the store.

After you make your purchase, you get into the car and the driver navigates you back to Lacey Towers. Your happiness wanes as you see the numerous missed calls and messages from Roman.

You cringe, but read his messages.

"where r u"

"where the fuck r u"

"ANSWER THE PHONE"

"baby pick up"

You listen to the voicemails he's left. He yells and you can hear something in the background breaking. His tone goes from anger to pleading to paranoid.

"So this is it, huh? You tell me you're out shopping and you ditch me thinking I wouldn't fucking notice?"

"Sweetheart, just pick up the phone...we can talk or whatever."

You'll deal with it when you get back to the apartment.

You use your key to open the double doors to the apartment. Roman stands in the living room with his phone to his ear and eyes you coming in. The driver helps bring the bags in just past the door and scurries off when Roman waves him away. He hangs up the phone and tosses it aside.

"Hey," you say sweetly with a smile.

He steps towards you, each pat of his polished dress shoe against the marble has you crane your neck more to look up at him. His voice is low with an edge to it. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you to pick up your goddamn phone?" he seethes.

"I told you I was out shopping," you reply matter of factly. You kiss his cheek to try and lighten the mood.

You retrieve one of the bags and attempt to change the subject. "Look, I found this really awesome gift for my mother. It's-"

He smacks the bag out of your hand before you can finish. "Are you fucking ignoring me?"

The bag slides across the floor and your hands fall to your side defeatedly.

"No, Roman," you say with a sigh. "I just thought-"

"Here I am for hours fucking worried about you and you don't even fucking care?!" he says circling you. "What if something happened to you, huh? What then?"

You try to respond. "You could have called the driver. He had his phone and I-"

He stops in front of you and straightens up. "The driver isn't the one I'm spending my time with. I'm not fucking the driver, I'm not letting him spend my money, I'm not letting him live in my fucking apartment," he says counting on his hand.

You frown and point your finger at him. "You have got to learn to trust me!" you shout.

"How the fuck am I supposed to do that when you can't pick up the fucking phone?!" he shouts in your face.

You put your hand on his chest to nudge him back, but he doesn't budge. "I'm not arguing about this, you could have called the fucking driver," you say stepping away from him, but he follows you and continues his angry rant.

The argument escalates and Roman yells some more and more things end up broken. You're not scared, just worried. You stand your ground through his outburst until he storms off. You just head to the bedroom to be alone.

Hours pass before you come out for dinner and you see him in the kitchen, his sleeves rolled up and brow furrowed as he tosses some ingredients around in a pan.

"Hungry?" he asks when he hears you emerge from the bedroom.

"Yeah," you say with a smile. You join him in the kitchen and eye the mis en place. There's fresh ingredients and herbs splayed out on the counter. "What're you making?"

"Paella," he says flatly, not taking his attention off of his work. "Go ahead and go set up the table."

You set up some plates and utensils for the two of you. You dig around for a bottle of wine and pour it into two glasses. Eventually Roman brings the pan around and serves your plate then his. It's rare that he cooks for you and you always cherish the times he does. You can tell he's doing this because he feels guilty about earlier.

Dinner starts off silent as the two of you eat. The food is delicious when you take the first bite. The fragrant spices blend perfectly together over your tastebuds. It takes your mind off the fact that Roman hasn't looked at you since you came out of the bedroom.

Finally, he takes your hand on the table and holds it firmly. "I'm sorry about earlier," he says. "You know I just worry about you."

"I know," you say with a soft smile. You free your hand and caress his cheek. You relish how he sighs and leans into your touch.

"I got you something," he says finally looking at you.

He presents to you a large jewelry box and opens it. Resting on a satin cushion is a diamond fringe choker. A small gasp escapes you.

"Roman, it's beautiful," you say watching the way the jewels catch the dining room light.

He smiles and moves behind you to put it on. "I had this custom made," he says clasping the necklace on you. "Was waiting to give it you on our anniversary."

His hands rest on your shoulders and he gives your neck a slow chaste kiss right under your ear.

He resumes his seat at the table. "Tomorrow, I'm all yours," he says. "No business calls or anything like that, just you and me, and we do whatever you want."

"Thank you, Roman," you say taking hold of his hand.

Dinner goes over smoothly and you get butterflies in your stomach when Roman tells you about all the little things you like to hear about his day. He doesn't share much with anyone so you feel honored when he opens up to you.

After dinner, Roman insists he run you a bath.

You sit on a plush bench in the bathroom with a fluffy robe wrapped around your naked body and watch him. He rolls up his sleeves and runs the water, checking it periodically to make sure the temperature is just right. His brow furrows in concentration as he measures out the bath oil and salts. You feel the butterflies again as he adds in some soap for bubbles. He knows how much you enjoy them with your baths. He lights a few candles for you, turns on some soft opera, and turns to you with his hand outstretched for you to take.

You rise from the bench and take his hand. Roman guides you toward the tub and removes your robe. He makes sure it goes hanging up on a hook. He helps you into the tub and watches you slowly sink into the bubbles. The warm water envelopes your body and the aroma from the bubbles fills your senses. Roman leaves, but returns shortly with a glass of wine for you.

"I'll come get you when you're done," he says quietly.

"Thanks, love," you say. Roman leans down and kisses you before leaving.

You take a drink from your glass and smile, it's your favorite wine. you sink further into the tub. The water is warmer than any coat he could give you on a snowy Gotham day. You really want to wait until Christmas to give Roman his present, but in your heart you feel that now is the time to give it to him. In your head you start to go over what you want to say when you give it to him.

When Roman returns, he helps you out of the tub and helps you into your robe. He tells you to go on ahead and get dressed while he cleans up.

You dress in a white silk pajama set. You enter the living room and see that Roman has already dressed in his pajamas that match yours. He's on the couch scrolling on his phone. He doesn't look up as you go to where your shopping bags still sit by the door. You take the bag with his gift and disappear into the drawing room.

When you return, you sit next to him on the couch and hold out his gift wrapped present to him.

"What's this?" Roman asks.

"An early Christmas present," you say. "I think opening it now is a good idea."

"I haven't even gotten you anything, yet, babe," Roman says quietly as he takes the box. You can hear a hint of frustration in his voice at being caught off guard without a Christmas gift for you.

"You gave me an anniversary gift early so now it's your turn. Just open it," you insist.

He undoes the ribbon and tears through the snowflake pattern paper to reveal a leather box. He opens it and sees the watch you picked out for him; the deep navy color contrasting against the green velvet cushion it rests against.

Roman gives a small smile. "Thanks, babe," he says taking it out of the box.

"Roman," you say putting your hand on his arm.

He faces you and furrows his brow at the serious look in your eyes. You take in a deep breath and say what you rehearsed in the tub.

"A watch can tell you the time," you say. "And even if you don't wear this watch, time is still with you, it doesn't go anywhere."

"Okay...?" He's very confused. He's not great with words and yours right now are about to fly over his head.

You hold his hand in both of yours and move closer to him.

"Roman, you worry a lot about what I do and where I go and that I might leave you."

His jaw clenches. He sets the watch inside the box, shuts it, and sets it aside. He looks like he might just leave you on the couch. Calling out his insecurities embarrasses him and Roman Sionis does not like to feel embarrassed.

"I do everything I can to assure you that I'm yours. You know that right? That I'm yours?"

You take his face in his hands and make him look at you. You need him to look at you and not retreat into himself.

His jaw is still clenched, but he nods.

"Even when I'm not with you, I'm still yours. I'm always yours," you say lovingly.

You kiss him briefly. When you pull back you look directly into his eyes and say, "I'm not going anywhere."

There's a brief silence between you two before he pulls you back to him for another kiss. There is no time wasted in letting your tongues invade the other's mouth. You throw your arms around him, pulling him into you, needing him more than just physical touch allows. Roman pulls you onto his lap and you can feel how hard he is already. You grind against him making him groan beneath you.

Roman stands and wraps your legs around his waist. He carries you to the bedroom and sets you on the bed. He's on top of you, palming your breasts and grinding against you while leaving kisses all over your neck. You want to let him take you, have his way with you, but another thought comes to mind. Gently, you put your hands on his shoulders and push him back. He looks up at you with a raised brow. "What's wrong?" he asks.

"Let me," you say softly while guiding him onto his back.

You straddle him, feeling his cock thick and pulsing against you.

"Fuck, baby," Roman says throwing his head back.

You take Roman's hands and guide them to grasp your breasts as you roll your hips against him. The slow grind of your clothed cunt against his cock pulls a tortured groan from his throat. You look down and see where he's already seeped through the white silk of his pants. It turns you on even more seeing him come undone under you.

Roman, impatient as always, sits up and moves you off of him to remove his pants. You barely remove your own clothes before he pulls you back on top of him. You grind against him just a bit longer, letting him feel how slick you are. You enjoy the way his hands grip you, begging to impale you on him. His gaze is filled with lust and he maintains eye contact with you as he uses a hand to tease your clit. You make sure his cock is coated with your essence before you finally guide him into you.

You don't move, but instead you lean down and run a hand through his dark locks. You whisper, "You're so good to me, Roman."

"Ah, fuck," he says shakily and you feel his cock twitch inside you.

You press your forehead to his. "I'm only yours, Roman," you say as you begin to slowly bounce on his member. "I'm yours."

You repeat it like a mantra to him and watch his eyes flutter for a second as he nods. "You're mine," he says softly. "Mine."

You know your control of the pace has him going crazy on the inside. You can feel him shaking and feel his cock twitching inside you. His hips jerk against you, begging for more than your slow drawn out thrusts.

"Come on, baby," he says, his voice quiet but needy. "I need you."

"You have me," you say with a hint of a tease in your voice. "I'm right here."

"I need to fuck you," he replies trying to thrust faster into you.

"Ask nicely," you say.

"What?"

You've caught him off guard. He looks resilient and like he might deny you.

"Just ask me," you say sitting up. You place your hands behind you on his legs and begin to roll your hips. You watch his eyes roll back and he curses. He bites his lip so hard that it starts to bleed a little.

"Please," he chokes out softly.

You barely get out a yes before Roman rolls you over so he's on top of you. He throws on of your legs onto his shoulder and proceeds to pound into you mercilessly. Each thrust has you gasping as he pushes deeper inside you. His free hand resumes teasing your clit making you whine and writhe beneath him.

"Roman," you gasp in between his thrusts. "God, you make me feel so good. I'm so lucky to have you."

You know your words of praise turn him on even more. You're so wet that there's little to no friction as he fucks you harder, fueled by your affirmations. You see him look down at his cock sliding in and out of you and feel yourself growing closer to your release already.

"Roman, I'm-...I'm-"

"I can feel it, baby, you're close," he says not letting up on his thrusts. "I wanna feel you come apart."

"Oh, fuck," you say throwing your head back.

"Give it to me, baby," he says through gritted teeth. "Come for me."

"Say it again for me." The words slip out of you and catches you off guard this time, but you roll with it because you want to hear it again. You brace yourself on your elbow and looks up at his face. A few locks of his dark hair are out of place and sweat beads down by his brow. His eyes look almost timid and it's then that you realize, you like him this way. His tough front isn't on display, but instead you see him, unsure and shy, and you're here to guide him.

You coax him with more words of praise. "I love hearing you say it," you plead.

You watch him bite back a curse and his face twists as he contemplates your request, but you know he can't resist your praise and he can't betray his willingness to please you.

"Please," he chokes out with a husky breath. "Please come for me, baby."

The sensations between his hand on your clit, his cock fucking you, and his submission push you over the edge. Feeling your essence gush around his length brings Roman to his own release and he spills his spend into you. He gives a few lazy thrusts into you before pulling out.

"I love you," he says kissing you softly.

You smile and run your hands through his hair. "I love you, too," you say. "And don't forget it," you add sternly.

He turns his face away to try and hide his smile, but you see it. It's genuine, not a smirk or a half hearted grin, but a real smile with happiness and contentment behind it.

"Now how about a bath for the both of us?" You ask.

He chuckles and gets up. He helps you up by wrapping your legs around him and lifting you off the bed. You wrap your arms around him and rest your head on his shoulder as he carries you to the bathroom.

#roman sionis x reader #black mask x reader #roman sionis #black mask #arkham origins #black mask Arkham origins

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stellatenuem · 1 year

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mmm love writing ren post-royal and his character regression and people hitting me with the 'thats ooc for joker though' and im like listen. listen? reverse character development is fun and sexy actually. let them become Worse

and within my ren's canon, a character regression works because ren was raised in an enmeshed family. and toxic familial abuse cycles are magnified by proximity. especially wherein the abuser is unable to see the victim as anything other than an extension of themselves.

an enmeshed victim doesnt act like themselves when under the abusers influence. ren the person takes a backseat to a series of behaviors (healthy or otherwise) he developed while trying to cope with and survive the trauma he went through while living with his parents for 16 whole years. that doesn't just... become resolved even though he was able to grow in tokyo.

if anything, something like that can make it even harder to be put back in that kind of environment. i speak from experience. its such a devastating thing. you live in the dysfunction for so long you dont realize its impact until youve been away from it. you were okay. you felt better and you didnt even realize it until things go back to the way they were before. that moment of mindfulness, of being horribly aware of the before and the after can be so depressing.

environment is everything.

during his year on probation ren started developing emotional equity and forming the closest thing they've had to secure attachments up to that point. ren arrived in tokyo traumatized. he was planning on keeping his head down and staying quiet. he didnt want to make any friends. he didn’t think he could. what would be the point in trying? others would make up their minds about him as soon as they’d find out he was a criminal. they would abandon him, too.

ren didn't trust anyone around him. they decided they would create a personality as cold and distant as they needed to in order to protect themselves. then the universe dropped one Ryuji Sakamoto in front of him and those plans began to fall apart. ryuji, ann, and morgana literally opened ren up to wanting to TRUST people again. that maybe he isn't as damned as he was made to believe.

he grew as a person and found where he belonged. but he isn't free yet. ren's parents do everything they can to erase that person. they still command enough control over ren through their traumabond that re-inspires rens learned fear of them. so ren's trauma brain allows them to slowly pick away at the confidence and sense of self he'd come to find. even if its a betrayal of himself. even if at times he's able to summon the courage of joker put up a fight, its rare for him to see any wins.

ren's parents rule by emotional abuse. fear. and isolation. they go from shaming him heavily for a year with the silent treatment, to scrutinizing and watching his every move. trying to have control over every aspect of him again. where he goes. who he talks to. what he spends money on. how he spends his time. ren begins regressing more and more. and its not only their toxicity that lend to this. even if his parents were healthy and loving, ren still would have struggled deeply because of everything he'd been through over the year he was away.

aside from the horrific trauma he endured at the hands of the police, being toyed with by a malevolent god who erased his friends from existence in front of his eyes, and being betrayed by an adult he trusted in maruki, ren lost goro twice, and in the wake of that loss, was separated from his irl support system.

death and the grief that comes from it transform the life of the person experiencing it. it changes how you interact with your routines, hobbies, relationships, and even yourself. the person that emerges from a grief situation is not the same one who experienced the tragedy it in real time. and rens grief at times is powerful enough to swallow him whole. to impact his functioning as he tries to go about his life.

and every time he falls below his parents standards, tries to establish autonomy, they just punish him more. isolate him more by taking away his phone, his laptop, his only lifelines to his friends. he's going to get worse. hes not going to act like his authentic self. hes going to fall into his worst mindsets and make unhealthy decisions. even someone like ren, who knows full well his parents treat him like shit, at his core, still wishes for their love and approval. its one of the hardest things to reconcile with, even as a adult, that your parents will never be the people you need them to be.

in a way, he's got to grieve over that, too, now that he knows now what unconditional love looks like. (because of his found family and friends) like, this kid was ghosted by their parents for a whole year. after his life as he knew it was completely shattered and he was shipped off to the city to live with a total stranger. ren had been effectively abandoned by them to fend for himself. i cannot begin to comprehend how fucking emotionally damaging that is.

imagine that happening to you and then at the end of your year away, after you've been through so much more hell (most of which you cant tell any normal person about) youre just supposed to??? go back to living in their house with them??? after they did that to you? like. thats fucking sick. and then go back to gaslighting you and acting like they didn't hurt you. and theyre the victims, actually.

#sometimes things really do get worse before they get better #ooc.#cw abuse #discussions of abuse #headcanons.

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punkyblooze · 2 years

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About Me:

Aye! My name is PunkyBlooze, I'm a transenby artist (he/they) new to Tumblr. This is a big ol TL;DR post just summarizing who I am and what I'm doing as an artist/author.

I'm a published author/illustrator that's working on their first novel, an anarcho-anti-superhero novel called Geist that follows protagonist Abel (the character in the middle) as he attempts to navigate the dystopian capitalist hellscape that is the City of Alastor hundreds of years in the unknown future. I plan to self-publish and sell it for cheap while I turn it into a free webcomic on tapas & social media. I'm also on Twitter, DeviantArt, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, everything. Most active on Twitter & DA. Getting an account on Mastodon too.

I have many stories in the works aside from Geist, ranging from children's stories to more adult stuff, but since I do venture into adult/NSFW territory, I keep all my accounts 18+. So if you're a minor, please stay away and do not interact. I will block you if I find out you're trying to follow me.

About Geist & Batman 2020:

Geist is basically anarcho-socialist propaganda packaged as a "superhero" story, in the vein of stories like V for Vendetta, Watchmen, & The Boys. It's been a vehicle for me to explore both my own political development and social consciousness, as well as my personal traumas and problems.

The story began as my own unique take on Batman, titled Batman 2020: Smile Like You Mean It, a story I began seriously developing back in the year 2020 when the Pandemic was going strong, and I was suffering through some intense family-related trauma.

Abel was originally Bruce Wayne/Batman & Jay (his blue haired counterpart) was Joker. The story and characters were extremely different from their source material. I changed up a lot of the races, genders, religions, physical appearances, backgrounds, and sexualities of the cast because I'm just tired of stories dominated by cishet white men & the toxic, bigoted culture that always follows them.

So, Batman became Black and pansexual, Joker became openly gay and genderqueer, and I decided to explore their obviously homoerotic relationship more directly.

Summary of Batman 2020:

"A year after the murder of his parents, young Bruce Wayne returns to “Crime Alley”, seeking vengeance. But what he finds instead is Jay, a strange boy with whom he forms a close bond as they team up to search the most dangerous parts of Gotham for the murderer.

Now a grown man, Bruce Wayne struggles with the haunting memories of what he experienced all those years ago. Meanwhile, an unknown killer frames his alter-ego, Batman, for the murders of the criminal associates of Carmine Falcone. With his relationship with the GCPD in shambles due to unchecked police brutality and the threat of Falcone plotting with Oswald Cobblepot to put an end to the Dark Knight once and for all, Batman is on his own to catch the real killer. And when Jay suddenly reappears, Bruce courts a dangerous relationship with his childhood friend as facts begin to bleed into fiction."

If you're interested, Batman 2020 can still be viewed on AO3 here: Batman 2020: Smile Like You Mean It - Chapter 1 - PunkyBlooze - Batman - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

A lot of Batman 2020 was my attempt to reconcile my love of Batman, this wonderfully angsty fictional hero I'd grown up with, with the fascist reality of a billionaire decking himself out like a militant SuperCop Vigilante & violating everyone's rights to brutalize the shit out of poor people w/o ever thinking too hard about WHY crime never gets any better in Gotham.

Batman 2020 attempted to have Bruce Wayne himself come to these conclusions, including engaging in therapy and deeply questioning his own motives--whether or not he's actually helping anyone. I wanted him to realize it was his own kind, the uberwealthy that never go to jail and who's crimes against humanity are often legal or very easy to commit & escape jailtime from, that are destroying the city and his attempt to engage with real revolution.

I wanted to paint "superheroes" more like revolutionary anarchists and journalists, rather than fascist super cops. I also wanted to examine the dark side of that as well, with Jay/Joker representing the opposite end of the spectrum--the incendiary anarchist that just wants to burn everything down rather than build a new future.

However, I grew tired of being held back by the source material and the fact that the story had a snowballs chance in hell of ever getting picked up by DC or being monetized, so I put a hell of a lot more work into it and grew it into something entirely unique.

The dichotomy of Batman - The Fascist Supercop vs. The Bourgeoning Anarchistic Rebel - ended up splitting the character into two separate characters: Abel (Codename: Geist), my main protagonist, and Hunter (Codename: Lux), my main antagonist.

Abel is a man in his late 20's who spends the vast majority of his time actually helping his suffering community. He's not a millionaire, but he's a very well-off trust fund kid (with a TragicBackstoryTM) who invests every penny into his neighborhood. He's a volunteer firefighter and emergency responder, he volunteers on and funds an urban farm and community assistance programs, he engages with the homeless, disabled, & mentally ill, he teaches free self-defense classes, makes the effort to keep his neighborhood clean, etc. etc. etc.

The City of Alastor exists in a dystopian future hundreds of years after a huge meteor almost wipes out the United States as we know it. The City rises in the wake of that tragedy, but it's strangled by fascism, unregulated, bigoted privatization, monopolization by corporations, neutered Federal power and protection, and a terrible social caste system.

It was built in the belly of the crater where the meteor fell and grew in many floors on top of one another, with access to the best schools, jobs, transportation, healthcare, maintenance, etc. restricted to certain floors and neighborhoods that cannot be accessed without special working or housing VISAs.

By deliberate design, the bottom floors rot with poverty, disease, and violence, which they're unfairly blamed for and all but abandoned in. Most of the businesses and services are owned by a predatory corporation known as Valkyrie, which runs them like Company Towns. It owns everything from grocery stores to hospitals to schools and pays its employees in "Company Credits", little better than monopoly money, so they can never escape.

Abel's superpowers include turning invisible, which is an ability tied very tightly to his depression, and the psychic ability to engage with the dead, mostly through viewing their last memories and experiencing their deaths, which is traumatic and haunting for him. There are many people like him in Alastor who have mutated to develop powers, but they all hide it very well because everyone knows that mutants get Black Bagged and are never seen again.

His parents were the original two "superheroes" in Alastor, before the city got really bad. His mother, Mercy, engaged with "superhero" work more like Spiderman than Batman? Really light-hearted, mostly just trying to help her neighbors and behaving like a detective, but the horrible realities of the city push her into darker and darker territory along with her best friend and partner in crime, Valencia.

Eventually, the rich and powerful American Oligarchs that built and run Alastor catch on to what she and her partner are doing, and decide they want to cash in on vigilantism because the public approves of them. A powerful CEO runs for mayor on a platform of creating and legalizing a privatized police unit of "superheroes" with disturbingly little oversite and anonymous identities to be deployed in what they call "extreme situations". This mirrors the idea in Batman that Gotham "hands power over to the Batman" only in cases of dire need and how that would obviously go horrifically wrong in practice.

Naturally, Mercy and Val are mortified by the Oligarchs usurping their ideologies to promote the sort of fascism that they actively fight against. That story could be a whole book in and of itself, but the short version is they team up with an unlikely ally (the son of the CEO in question, Abel's father) and manage to foil his plans, causing him to lose the election to a man who is very actively against "superheroes". He's not perfect, but they had no other choice. They hang up their "superhero" identities and decide to engage in revolutionary work in other, legitimate ways.

However, the power structures of Alastor are a well-oiled machine, protected by Oligarchs with all the wealth and power to be utter immune to the law, and old enemies find out the heroes' identities. For their efforts to make the world a better and fairer place, Abel's parents are murdered after their 12-year-old son, Abel, is kidnapped and used to lure them into a trap.

This is a horrific memory for Abel, who struggles with CPTSD and a myriad of control and depression issues because of it. Although he inherits great wealth through the trust fund he was left, he's deeply fearful of the world and what he knows could happen if he rocks the boat too hard. He tries desperately to find hope, but often it eludes him, which is why he spends so much time trying to help the people around him (but not too loudly).

He's finally forced to reconcile this struggle when an old enemy rises anew. Once again, the idea of a privatized police force comes up in politics, but this time it is approved and unleashed on the lower levels of Alastor to combat rising rates of violence and crime. This force is spearheaded by a demented and morally corrupt man codenamed "Lux" who stalks the city at night and becomes a true terror to behold.

Unable to ignore the sheer brutality being inflicted upon his community, Abel takes up "superhero" work like his mother before him. But instead of chasing down petty thieves and playing fireman, he teams up with a group of like-minded individuals who strive to reveal the crimes and identities of the Oligarchs and their pawns to the world in the desperate hope that the truth will help spurn the people to Revolution.

#original story #fiction #superhero #comics #webcomic #original content #original character #original work #story spoilers #political #antifascism #anarchism #batman #authors #novel writing #writer #writingcommunity #comic book art #digital art

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organabanana · 3 years

Text

red || harley quinn/poison ivy

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Harley Quinn (Comics) Batman - All Media Types DCU

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence

Relationships: Pamela Isley & Harleen Quinzel

Characters: Pamela Isley, Harleen Quinzel

Additional Tags: Past Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel, Abusive Joker (DCU), blood (plenty), Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Femslash February 2021, Femslash February, Sex

Series: Part 1 of the Femslash February 2021 series

Summary: A breakup, a healing process, color therapy at Arkham, and a series of life-changing realizations by Harley Quinn, with help from Poison Ivy.

Notes: Written for prompt #1 of Femslash February 2021: Red. Written around Issue 1 of Harleen: Black + White + Red by Stjepan Sejic which is an absolute masterpiece. I feel like this can be read even if you haven't read the comic but honestly it's super short and you should go read it because it is a work of art.

[ao3 link]

She doesn’t kill him.

She could kill him. That’s important to note. She could kill him. But she chooses not to. And for once — for the first time since this whole nightmare started — she doesn’t do it for him. It’s not because she loves him so much she can’t bear to kill him. It’s not because she thinks maybe one day they’ll get things right.

No. She doesn’t kill him because she doesn’t want to kill him. She wants him gone but not dead. Well — she wouldn’t necessarily mind if he happened to die. Have Bats forget his self-imposed limit and finally kill him. No, she wouldn’t mind. She just doesn’t want to kill him herself.

They stick with you, you know? The people you kill. Even if they deserve it. She would know. And she doesn’t want to carry his death around for the rest of her life. She just wants him gone.

So she stands there, bleeding and panting and struggling to catch her breath as she looks down at his unconscious body. That’s her blood on the knife by his hand. On his knuckles and splattered on his face, and you know what?

“You know what, Jay?” She says out loud, because why not? It’s not the first time her blood’s ended up all over him. Not the first time or the second or the tenth or the fifteenth. She kicks the knife away from him for good measure, even if the bleeding crack on his temple makes it clear he’s not gonna be getting up any time soon.

Still, though. Wouldn’t be the first time he’s tricked her.

Wouldn’t be the first time she’s let him trick her.

Because, you know what?

“I’m smarter than you think.”

So she stands there, Harley Quinn, with her blood-stained mallet and her blood-soaked harlequin costume, looking for all the world like the psychopath her Arkham file says she is. And — just look at her. She wouldn’t need to be a psychopath to kill him. To kill the man who turned her from a promising young psychologist into his peppy murderous sidekick. The man who’s kept her in a sadistic cycle of toxicity (both literal and emotional) for all these years.

The man who — for fuck’s sakes — just tried to kill her with a butcher’s knife.

(Though that last one might have been self-defense, to be fair.)

What she’s getting at — and she’s getting at something, she swears, that’s why she hasn’t moved yet — is that even the most even-tempered, mentally stable, never-even-heard-of-Arkham woman would probably consider killing the man who put her through that. It’d feel empowering, even.

But here’s the thing: Harley Quinn is smarter than most people think.

You don’t just forget all your training and your doctorates and your research just because you’ve spent several years on a murderous spree with your sadistic lover, you know?

So she knows she wasn’t a helpless damsel in mental distress being manipulated by the handsome criminal mastermind.

Oh, no.

She chose to get involved with him. She chose to give into the want and the danger. She chose to keep going back for more because somehow, in some dark and twisted corner of her reptilian brain, the little moments when they were good were so amazing — so perfect — that they made everything else worth it. She chose to pull a trigger and kill a good man for him.

And now she chooses not to kill a bad man.

For herself.

“And that’s fucking empowering, Jay.”

***

She goes to Poison Ivy’s lair because… well, because where the hell else is she supposed to go? She can’t walk up to Gotham General’s ER and ask for some stitches and painkillers unless she wants to be back in Arkham within the hour. She doesn’t have her own place.

But she has a friend. So here she is.

“Hey,” she says as soon as she walks into the greenhouse-slash-evil eco-terrorism lab, “door was open.”

No, it wasn’t. It’s just Harley knows the combination to get in. Didn’t steal it, either. Ivy volunteered it. Harley’s always kind of suspected there was some pity involved in that decision, but she’s not gonna be picky about the deep unspoken motives behind the actions of the single person in this God forsaken city that’s been consistently good to her.

The second Harley steps further into the room and the gentle warmth of the grow lamps hits her, she sees Ivy’s face change from her usual unreadable near-smirk to sheer horror, and she knows she must look even worse than she thought she did. She knows for a fact it’s not easy to shock Pamela Isley.

She gives Ivy a couple seconds to try and come up with something to say, but words seem to fail her, so Harley decides to just cut to the chase.

Heh. Cut .

“I broke up with him.”

There’s a sort of unspoken rule between them that says his name is forbidden when it’s just them.

“Did he do all that?” Harley swears she can see the exact moment Ivy’s worry makes room for something that looks almost like rage. “Did he do that to you?”

Harley shrugs and manages a wink even if the cuts on the bridge of her nose sting when she does. “Should’ve seen the other guy.”

The joke falls flat, as expected — Harley’s pretty sure some of Ivy’s ferns have more developed senses of humor than Ivy herself — but Ivy finally manages to stand up and get moving, which is good. Harley kinda needs a hand. And medical attention.

“I won’t know how bad those really are until I’ve cleaned them up.” Ivy says, already opening the cabinet where she keeps all her medical supplies.

It’s funny because Harley’s been here a million times, and she’s been patched up by Ivy just as many times before — not always because of Jay, sometimes it’s one of the batlings getting frisky — but she never realized until now that Poison Ivy doesn’t need medical supplies.

Ivy can heal herself. She can synthesize her own meds. She keeps that cabinet stocked just for Harley. That’s friendship, right there. Right?

With a bottle of alcohol in one hand and a box of gauze in the other, Ivy makes her way back to Harley. But instead of getting to work right away, she stops and looks up and down Harley’s body. And for the first time, Harley looks down, too. At the blood-soaked stretchy fabric of her costume, at the gashes everywhere with cuts underneath.

She’s a mess and a half, isn’t she?

“Let’s just—“ Ivy shakes her head and leaves the alcohol and gauze on the nearest flat surface. That won’t be enough to fix this. “Let’s just get you in the shower.”

The next minutes feel like she’s watching them from outside her body. Like she’s watching infamous eco-terrorist Poison Ivy, of all people, carefully peel off her costume and guide her into the shower stall through a television screen. Like it’s not really happening to her.

But it is. Happening.

So when Pamela Isley doesn’t even hesitate before walking into the stall right along with Harley? Harley feels that. She feels it when Ivy grabs the detachable shower head and turns on the water and tests it on her own skin, first, just to make sure it won’t be too hot or too rough on Harley’s. She feels the cool water washing over her skin, and the gentle touch of Ivy’s fingertips as they scrub at the dried blood, and she watches the water turn red as it swirls around her feet and down the drain.

And it’s a bit too much, you know?

This whole thing.

Almost killing the man she loves (still, even if she’s decided that’s not a good enough reason to stay with him), and breaking up with him for good, and the amazing contradiction that is a woman with poisonous skin touching Harley more gently than anyone ever has before.

It’s really no wonder she starts crying.

“This one will need stitches,” Pamela says, like she can’t hear Harley’s sobs or feel the way her body shakes. Because Harley’s already naked and bleeding and in pain, and Ivy pretending she doesn’t know she’s crying feels like being given a bit of her dignity back. And she fucking needs that right now. “Most aren’t too deep, though.”

Ivy keeps talking, narrating what she’s doing even if Harley knows for a fact she normally works in silence. But Ivy knows Harley needs it. So she talks about how the cuts on her face will probably leave some scars, and how the deep one by her bellybutton will need stitches, too. And when the water starts running clear because there’s no more blood to clean but Harley is still crying, Ivy starts all over again.

“This one,” she says, voice even and soothing in a way nothing has felt in years, “this one will need a couple stitches,” her fingertip gently taps the skin right next to the cut on Harley’s hip, and there’s something oddly heartwarming in the knowledge that that little tap would’ve killed anyone else in the world, but not Harley, “most aren’t too deep, though, Harl.”

***

She stays at Ivy’s for a couple nights at first, just because she has nowhere else to go. Then she stays for a week because you can’t really find a cute little one-bedroom rental in Gotham overnight when you’re in-between jobs as a psychotic murderess.

Doesn’t look great in applications, you know?

One week turns into two and then three and then suddenly it’s been three months and she’s pretty sure she’s living with Pam now. Which comes in handy, because she’s pretty sure she’s working with Pam now, too.

It’s funny because their criminal interests don’t seem to align at first sight. Harley mostly likes the chaos and the action, and Ivy just wants people to stop polluting the air. But they work well together. Ivy picks the targets and Harley the method, and it’s fun. It’s fun and it’s freeing and — listen, she knows she’s still killing people, okay? But it’s for a good reason, and she’s her own boss. It could be worse. She could’ve joined a pyramid scheme.

And living with Pam is nice. They get each other. They really do. Pam is hermetic, which makes Harley want to poke and prod and figure her out, but she respects Pam enough not to do it. And it goes both ways, too — in three months, Ivy hasn’t mentioned that first night even once.

It takes Harley three months, two weeks, and four days to realize why Pam always seems a bit surprised when Harley goes for a run or a walk or really any one-woman activity outside the lair and then comes back like she said she would.

It happens one night when Harley feels that familiar urge to blow off some steam by doing any kind of physical activity and leaves their home for a run around the park. As usual, when she comes back Ivy looks a little surprised. Like she was expecting her to not come back, for some reason. But then Harley notices something else. A blink-and-you’ll-miss-it kind of detail. The smallest, subtlest kind of sigh.

Pam isn’t just surprised Harley’s back. She’s relieved .

And Harley knows why, of course. She knows Pam’s waiting for the other shoe to drop — for Harley to forget she’s better than the Harley from three months, two weeks, and four days ago and go back to him.

“Y’know, Pammy,” Harley says, walking over to sit on the very edge of Pam’s desk, “I really like it here.”

She could’ve said more. She could’ve acknowledged the mammoth in the lair and point-blank tell Pam she’s not going back to him. But for some reason, that feels like intruding, somehow. It feels like telling Pam she’s noticed the sigh and the relief. And she figures her best friend deserves the same kind of privacy she gave Harley that first night.

“I figured. You know, since you won’t leave.”

Pam’s kidding. As it turns out, she does have a sense of humor — it just happens to be a bit subtler than what Harley’s used to. Most things about Pam are subtler than what Harley’s used to.

“I couldn’t do that to ya. You’d miss me way too much if I left.”

“Feel free to test that theory. I could use some quiet around here.”

Harley grins. Something wide and genuine in a way her smiles haven’t been for years. Pam wants her around. She doesn’t want the quiet. She wants Harley in her space, making noise and turning straightforward plans into complicated (and often dangerous) adventures.

For a split second, a thought forms in her brain. Something — something she nearly manages to fully process, but not quite. Something about the reason why Pam wants her around. Why Harley doesn’t want to leave. Why she sometimes thinks about asking Ivy to touch her again, like that first night. For no reason.

But the thought is gone as quickly as it appeared.

“I’d break your heart, Pam-a-lamb.” Harley hops off the desk and winks at Ivy and doesn’t chase after the thought because she’s not feeling particularly adventurous tonight. “I’m a better friend than that.”

***

Six and a half weeks later, Harley realizes Ivy is in love with her.

She’d say she realizes she’s in love with Ivy, too, but she tries to be honest with herself and it’s more acknowledgment than realization at this point.

It doesn’t happen at the best of times. It could’ve happened at home, for one. That would’ve been convenient. Maybe even outside during a night walk or something. But no. Of course she has to have her big realization in the middle of breaking into a building that’s chock-full of guards ready to protect a CEO with appalling recycling habits.

(Or whatever he actually does. All she knows is it pisses Pam off, and that’s enough for Harley to be down with murder.)

It happens when they’re up on the roof, waiting for the guard on the top floor to finish his round so they can sneak in and do their thing. They’re hiding in the shadows, standing close together even though there’s plenty of room and it’s not cold at all. It just feels better to be close, that’s all.

“He’s gone,” Harley whispers as soon as he disappears into the elevator, “do your thing, Red.”

And so she does. Pam places her palm on the skylight they’ve been looking through, and a vine starts growing around her arm and toward the glass. It’s not the first time Harley’s seen Pam use the Green. Obviously. It’s not even the hundredth time. But for some reason, it looks particularly enthralling tonight.

“I love watching that,” she breathes out, even though she’s not sure why.

“Watching what?”

“That. You.” It’s only when she reaches over to place her fingertips against the growing vine that she realizes she’s never really touched Pam. She’s been touched by Pam, of course. She’s prone to needing medical attention. But she’s never touched Pam.

And it feels like kind of a waste. Since she’s immune to her poison and all.

So from the vine — which feels more alive than any plant she’s ever touched — Harley slides her fingertips down until she feels warm skin instead. And that’s when she sees it. Pam doesn’t move a single muscle — she doesn’t even look at her — but there’s suddenly a red rose blooming on the vine.

“Oh, Pammy .”

Harley can’t stop smiling. Who cares if they’re about to kill an eco-unfriendly asshole and there are a million things that could go wrong? Well, she cares. Ivy cares, she’s sure. But this feels much more important than murdering some rich guy right now.

“Red, I lo—“

And that’s when it happens. Listen, she’s never happy to see Bats. Never. But of all the moments when he could’ve showed up to surprise them before they can finish a job?

Right when she was about to confess her love to her best friend is about the worst possible time.

Maybe that’s why the whole thing doesn’t go as smoothly as it usually would. This happens at least twice a month, after all, so fighting Bats feels more like a dance than any sort of true fighting at this point. But she’s still rattled from the sheer enormity of what nearly happened, and when they’re about to escape Harley trips over her own feet and finds herself looking up at the big guy himself.

Ugh.

On the bright side, she knows Bats won’t risk letting her go to go after Ivy as well, so, you know. Small victories, right?

“Don’t make me wait too long, Red!” she calls out, just because she knows it’ll piss him off. Pam doesn’t need Harley to tell her to get her out of Arkham as soon as possible. And tonight Harley’s figured out why.

***

“Stop grinning like an idiot and come on !”

“Thirteen days,” Harley says, tone mockingly offended even as she pants and struggles to catch her breath. They’re home, finally. Even if they found the lair, which they never would anyway, the Green would keep them out. “What took you so long, Ives?”

Ivy rolls her eyes. Thirteen days is nearly two months less than the time it took them to get out the last time they were locked up together, so it’s no wonder she knows right away that Harley’s not serious at all.

“You know I like a solid plan. I’m not much for winging it.”

“Yes, you’re boring, Pammy. I know.”

Ivy scoffs and sits down on the couch in the middle of the room. Well -- she collapses onto it, really, if Harley’s being honest. A quick glance around their home, with every surface covered in plans and maps and more clutter than Ivy would ever allow, lets her know her best friend’s probably spent the last thirteen days and nights planning her rescue.

If Harley could sprout a vine or two right now and make a couple roses bloom, she would.

“Are you all right?” Ivy looks at her, tired eyes studying her from head to toe. “How was it?”

Harley shrugs. “It was Arkham.” They’re both familiar enough with the place. Sometimes the person in charge is more sadistic, sometimes they have a more gentle approach. Either way, it’s gonna suck. “They have a new therapist. She does color therapy.”

Pam lets out a quiet chuckle. “Color therapy, huh.”

“Mhmm.” Harley tilts her head. Pam looks like she’s balancing on the edge between being awake and asleep. Like if Harley just kept her mouth shut for a couple seconds she’d completely pass out. “Would show me colors and ask what they made me feel.”

Should she feel bad for continuing the conversation? Maybe. Pammy does look exhausted. It’s just Harley’s missed her for thirteen nights because of Bats, and before that for over four months because of her own obliviousness, and for years before because of reasons not worth thinking about.

So excuse her for feeling a bit greedy about their time together right now.

“Did it work?”

“Sure did, Pammy. I’m just here to pack up my shit and join the batgang.”

The sound that comes out of Ivy isn’t even a real chuckle. It’s a sort of hint that maybe under different circumstances she would’ve laughed, but right now the best she can do is a half-smile and a quasi-snicker.

Harley’s pretty sure she’s never loved her more.

“Don’t fall asleep yet, Red. We’re talkin’.”

“We’re always talking, Harls.”

“Not for the last thirteen days, we haven’t.”

“C’mere,” Ivy pats the empty space next to her on the couch, “what do you want to talk about?”

It’s not the first time she’s sat next to Ivy on a couch, so she knows her gesture was meant to encourage Harley to sit somewhere on the couch but keeping a respectful distance. Personal space, and all that.

Of course, that was before. That’d feel downright ridiculous now. So she sits right next to Ivy, feeling the warmth of her skin through the rough fabric of grey Arkham sweatpants.

“Wanna know what color they wanted to know about, Pammy?”

Harley decides the brighter green across the bridge of Ivy’s nose counts as a blush.

“Hmm…” even Pam’s hum sounds more alert than before, like she’s suddenly realized this isn’t just another rambling midnight conversation on the couch, “black?”

“For Bats? Nope.” Harley’s fingertips trace slow lines along Ivy’s fingers, across the back of her hand and towards her wrist. When she finally looks up, she realizes Ivy’s watching their hands, too. “Guess again.”

Ivy swallows and lets Harley wrap her fingers around a green wrist, moving Ivy’s hand to rest on Harley’s thigh.

“Blue?”

Harley giggles. “Blue,” she repeats, leaning in to press a lingering kiss to Ivy’s shoulder and smiling when it makes Ivy’s fingers flex and squeeze Harley’s thighs, “why would blue mean anything, Ive? Nothing’s blue.”

“Your eyes are blue.”

“Maybe they’ll ask you about blue, then,” Harley shifts closer, chin resting on the spot she just kissed, “what does blue mean to you, Ms. Isley?”

Ivy stays silent for a handful of seconds, thumb mindlessly brushing against the Arkham sweatpants Harley suddenly wishes she’d taken off before sitting down.

“Chaos.”

Harley rewards the teasing smirk on Ivy’s face with a kiss to her jaw. “But in a good way, right?”

“Hmm,” Ivy pretends to think, “sometimes.”

“ Most times.”

Ivy doesn’t argue. Harley has a feeling the true answer is always, anyway, so this is meeting halfway.

“I’m good for ya, Ive,” Harley says, shifting closer so she can tuck red hair behind Pam’s ear and kiss the spot right by her earlobe, “and you’re so good for me.”

“Harley--” It’s somewhere between a sigh and a breath but there’s an edge of something serious underneath. Something that makes her tense slightly with the fear of this becoming a whole conversation about things that make you sob in the shower or sigh with relief when someone gets home.

“Shh,” she whispers against Pam’s ear, “guess again.”

“ Harley .”

“Please, Pammy.”

A sigh.

“White.”

Harley shakes her head, letting her nose brush against Pam’s skin. She smells like freshly cut grass and jasmine and a field after the summer rain. When she takes in a deep breath, Ivy’s scent fills up her lungs and makes her wonder if she’ll ever be able to smell anything else.

She kinda hopes she won’t.

“You know I know you’re avoidin’ the obvious on purpose, yeah?”

Ivy turns her head and looks into Harley’s eyes for a second, and then two, and then she leans in and steals the air from Harley’s lungs.

Her lips taste like rosewater and something Harley can’t pinpoint. The kiss is slow and steady and demanding , increasingly deep in the kind of unrushed way that makes Harley feel almost surprised when she suddenly finds herself straddling her best friend’s lap.

Ivy kisses her like a woman who’s been waiting for so long the concept of time doesn’t mean anything anymore. Like the wait has been so long the reward should be, too.

“Ive--” Harley pants, struggling to catch her breath when there’s no room for air in her lungs anymore. Ivy’s lips are flushed red, kiss-swollen and parted to let out warm puffs of air. “Pammy, I--”

“Green,” Pam says, voice low and quiet and as soft as her hands slipping under that ugly Arkham shirt. Her fingertips trace the scar by Harley’s belly button -- that needed a couple stitches a lifetime ago -- and keep climbing up, up, up until they’re grazing the underside of her breasts. Harley can’t breathe, but what a way to go. “Did they ask about green?”

Harley shakes her head, teeth catching her bottom lip as Ivy’s hands cover her breasts.

“They didn’t ask about green .” Pam says, one eyebrow cocked in question as if the pressure of her hands isn’t making Harley’s back arch to push pebbled nipples against Ivy’s palms. “Should I be offended they didn’t make the connection?”

The sound Harley makes was supposed to be a giggle, but it turns into a moan halfway through and honestly she doesn’t really care.

“Pammy…”

There’s something building up inside her -- something big and warm in her chest, pushing against her lungs and her heart. She’d say it’s love, but it’s too solid for that. Love is chaotic. It knocks your life off-kilter and makes you feel like you’re walking on a tightrope towards someone but the slightest gush of wind could push you off. Love hurts but it’s worth the pain. Love isn’t like this, steady and warm and solid and relentlessly there . That’s not what love is like.

Right?

“What is it?” Ivy’s voice is as soft as the brush of her thumb against Harley’s nipple.

It’s like someone’s suddenly helped her off that tightrope and told her it was supposed to be a nice little path all along.

That it’s not supposed to be a lonely walk towards someone, either. Ivy’s already right here.

Harley opens her mouth to say it out loud -- to tell Ivy about this amazing discovery she’s just made -- but she changes her mind. Ivy knows, anyway.

“You still haven’t guessed the right color.”

Ivy smiles.

“You said it was the obvious. I already guessed the obvious.”

As amazing as everything feels right now, Harley’s never been the best at delayed gratification, so she finds herself pulling one of Pam’s hands down and out from under her shirt to bring it up to her lips instead.

“The other obvious, Ives,” Harley wraps her fingers around Ivy’s wrist, thumb pressing against the pulse point there as she watches Ivy’s pupils dilate with each fingertip Harley kisses, “the… metaphoric obvious.”

“The metapho--” Harley smirks when her lips wrap around Ivy’s middle finger and the breath catches in Ivy’s thoat “--rical obvious?”

“Mhmm,” her voice vibrates around Ivy’s finger before she lets it go with a wet ‘pop’, “c’mon, Pammy. Guess again.”

But Harley doesn’t think Ivy remembers her own name, let alone what they were talking about. Her fingers dig into the flesh of Harley’s breast and her eyes look so dark they may as well be black when Harley’s tongue licks a path up a second finger this time.

The only sounds she can hear are their labored breaths when she guides Pam’s hand down and under the waistband of her Arkham sweats, and then something halfway between a sigh and a moan when slick fingers slip between slicker lips.

Harley’s hands rest on Ivy’s shoulders, holding on for leverage as her hips begin a steady roll to the rhythm Ivy’s fingers set between her thighs.

“Keep going,” Ivy’s fingertips press up against her clit and Harley’s eyes flutter closed, hips rocking with more purpose than before, “don’t stop.”

Ivy leans forward, teeth gently nipping at the skin of Harley’s neck, and Harley swears if she didn’t know she was immune she’d think she’s under some kind of botanical spell. But no. No, this is just Ivy, as it turns out. Ivy finally thrusting two fingers inside her and making Harley move one of her hands to fist in soft, red hair.

She rides Ivy’s fingers with abandon, feeling Ivy’s tongue against her neck and Ivy’s hand on her breast and Ivy’s heartbeat somehow in her chest, and she’s amazed to realize she doesn’t feel like she could die for this. Like she could kill for this. Because she will never need to.

She feels like she could live for this, though.

Has she never been in love before?

“Red.” Ivy’s voice comes muffled against Harley’s neck just as she shifts her hand to press her thumb against a swollen clit.

“What.” Harley can’t even manage to make it a proper question. “Wh-- Fuck , Ives.”

“Is it red?” Ivy’s panting, struggling to push the sound out like she can’t quite decide whether she wants to speak or keep doing whatever black magic she’s doing to Harley’s neck.

“Harder,” Harley’s fist tightens in Ivy’s hair, “so close .”

She doesn’t know what does it. It could be the flick of Pam’s thumb against her clit, or the feeling of Pam’s nails against her breast, or the hickey Pam’s leaving on Harley’s neck. Whatever it is, it makes Harley come with Ivy’s name on her lips and her muscles clenching around Ivy’s fingers until she collapses against Ivy’s solid frame.

“We’re not done yet,” Harley mumbles, shuddering slightly when an aftershock of pleasure jolts up her spine, “don’t you dare fall asleep.”

She feels Pam’s chuckle against her neck even before she hears it.

“I’m not going anywhere, Harls.”

There’s a deep sigh, but this time it comes from Harley instead. “I know.” And she does. She knows .

“So. Was it red?”

“Mhmm,” Harley kisses Pam’s shoulder, “wanna know what red feels like, Pammy?”

She feels Ivy nod against her neck.

“Safe.”

#femslashfeb2021 #harley x ivy #harley quinn/poison ivy #harlivy #fanfiction #fic #comics #dcu #poison ivy

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wandering-hearts-and-a-crow · 4 years

Text

.block

you know, neither of these two are particularly good at sharing. not even with one another.

title: block

pairing: yandere! futaba sakura x reader x yandere! akira kurusu/joker

fandom: persona 5

tw: yandere, toxic/unhealthy behavior, toxic/unhealthy relationships, stalking, nonconsensual touching, very mild nsfw

You blocked her for a reason. You just... couldn’t take it any more. The constant calling, the insistent and paranoid texts, her shrill voice as she screeched about how she thought you may be cheating on her even if you weren’t in a relationship. It had gotten to the point of unbearable. And you didn’t know if you could take it anymore.

You sighed as you let your head lean back and closed your eyes. You liked Futaba. She really was a good kid, but her attachment to you was beyond the point of okay. And she’d hacked your phone and accounts so many times, remotely, just to unblock herself. But you could only block her again and tell her you needed to limit things to talking to her in person.

You were sitting in Akira’s room, just thankful for the small reprieve you’d been allowed from hanging out in LeBlanc. It wasn’t bad, but you were still on edge for some reason. It was like the young man’s eyes never left you, even across the room. You felt the weight on the sofa shift and felt his hand on your shoulder. You opened your eyes and looked at him in exasperation.

“Futaba, again?”

“Yeah. It’s been... worse lately.”

“How?”

You stayed quiet at the response, just blinking at him in silence. Before you’d caught him staring more than a few times in class, you were much more open with him than others. But after feeling his eyes burning holes into the back of your head for a little over a month, he began to feel just as bad as Futaba sometimes. At least he was usually quiet.

“You can tell me, (y/n). It’s not like I’d hurt her. She’s practically my little sister.”

You would have believed him more easily if his eyes seemed to more their usual grey, rather than an eerie, nearly black color.

“I just don’t wanna talk about it much. She’s just upset that I told her that she has to see me in person if she wants to talk to me, with how she’s being right now.” “That is not all I’m upset about!”

Futaba was now here, apparently. Her voice was indignant and you could tell you were in for another earful. Cue the beginnings of a headache. You groaned softly and sat up properly. Akira wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him as the young hacker stormed towards you two. You tried to pry his arm off to approach Futaba, but his grip solidified.

You shot a glare at him, but there was no point in struggling. He was very, very strong, and you couldn’t wriggle out that easily. He shifted you to sitting in his lap and simply watched calmly as Futaba continued to further lose her temper and came closer, as the leader of the Phantom Thieves embraced you tightly. Almost suffocatingly so.

You couldn’t process what happened next.

“They don’t want you, Futaba. I mean, they even came to me instead.”

“...is that true?”

“No! I just...!”

“There’s no need to lie, love. After all, you always come to me.”

A chill ran down your spine, and you started to struggle as you grew pale. You hoped Futaba could tell he was lying, but you only saw her ball her fists in anger and jealousy. You felt like you were screwed in every sense of the word, and could only gulp as you felt the bile rise in your throat. Akira was trailing kisses along the back of your neck and on your nape, and you shuddered in disgust as he licked you.

Futaba stomped up toward you and tried to pry you from Akira. He wasn’t budging. He simply left a little mark and smirked, apparently making eye contact with the redhead. They stared at each other intensely for a few moments, before Akira broke the silence.

“I’m more than willing to share with you Futaba. But you’ll have to let me go first, every time.”

Your stomach dropped and you couldn’t hear or see. You couldn’t process anything. It was all blank from the shock of his words. Your throat tightened, and you weren’t aware of how much you were struggling. The next thing you knew, you were cuffed to the sofa, and the sight of the pair physically fighting honestly terrified you. Your eyes were wide with shock, and you were thankful to see Sojiro pop his head up the stairs. You were about to plead for help, but you were cut off, by Futaba. She gave off the excuse that the three of you were LARPing, and explained what it was, and Sojiro simply chuckled and shrugged, chalking it up to the three of you just being kids.

God, you wish he’d stayed long enough to help you.

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thoughtfulfangirling · 4 years

Text

In another world, Roman Sionis would have been the Joker

Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) is the story of how Harley Quinn sets off on her own after separating from the Joker. However, in a universe where the Joker wasn't played but he insufferable actor who no one needs to give more money to and a world where it feels like we can't go three years without Joker on screen, the DCEU was not about to let him be killed off in a 'side movie,' one in which Batman doesn't even feature.

And so we have Roman Sionis. Now the people in charge of this movie were good. They knew they wanted to tell the story of Harley escaping abuse and that it doesn't just work to entirely write a script meant for a different character. So the story works on it's own, Roman Sionis and all.

But it works too as a figurative stand in. It really wouldn't change much shuffling around to make Sionis the Joker instead, and in fact, some things would have made more sense if you ask me — from some essential setup to how much of a non-actor Sionis is for starters. Now, just to be clear, this is a personal view, and it's fine if others don't share it and wouldn't see the movie be changed, but just imagine with me for a second.

The Joker shuts the door on Harley, so she gets a new place, sulks for a while. Goes out and tries to pretend she's fine without him. And then one day, she makes an explosive declaration, a 'fuck you, we're done-zo, for real!'

Now the Joker, if we're going with the abuse narrative that usually surrounds the Joker and Harley, he can't have that. Everyone knows they're broken up, so yeah, Harley is fighting to stay alive with the perceived 'protection' lifted, but Joker's a possessive man. If anyone is going to kill Harley, it would be him. So it's his men that pick her up, and it's he who sets her down in the chair and says that if she's done with him, then he's done with her, meaning he'll simply have her killed.

But Joker is always up for a laugh, so when Harley promises to solve his current problem 'like old times,' falling right back in line even after her declaration, he let's her. After all, she hasn't truly escaped him thus far. He's fine believing this will reign her back in where he would believe she belongs.

But then she doesn't show when she said she would. He's starting to feel like maybe she meant it. Maybe she played him. Made him look the fool And he can't have that. So he sends his men to locate her and blow her place, so she ends up in the phone booth after all, begging once again for his protection. And of course here, you've got the added dynamic of all her other personal motivations with him being her ex and all.

But again, execs aren't going to let Joker die the way Sionis does. And of course there would still need to be changes. Everything about how Dinah ends up involved would have to be reworked, but that really probably wouldn't be that hard. My point being, the story wasn't written so it makes more sent plot-wise if Joker were Sionis. It was written for Sionis and does work!

My personal take however, is that it makes more emotional and narrative sense if we think of Joker as Sionis. It makes the story not the often-enough seen 'villian threatens to kill the protagonist and they offer to work for the villain to live,' it makes it a story of escaping abuse, which already is woven into the narrative. It's literally called the Emancipation of Harley Quinn.

It goes from being 'some guy' Harley is struggling against to survive to "The guy." It goes from being a generic story of escaping a bad situation to the triumph of an abused person freeing herself from her abuser.

I know not everyone felt this, but watching the movie, it seemed a bit strange how present Joker was on everything Harley — everything hinges on the perceived relationship Harley has with Joker — and yet how utterly absent he is. Imagining that Joker is who Sionis was meant to be makes this make more sense. It goes from making it seems like perhaps Harley was the intended villain of the film to letting her be both villain and... well not hero, but someone we can really root for... more

When we look at this movie from the lens of domestic abuse — which necessitates the fill-in of Joker on some level with the thing Harley is directly escaping, whether by imaging that's the role Sionis plays or by the general 'not needing his protection' — it makes a lot of sense. The dynamics at play in Harley's life affects those around her in her behaviors toward Renee, the situation Dinah falls into, and her betrayal of Cass. And so how powerful is it that when Harley asks these women who feel harmed by her, that they stand with her? They don't make the decision for her, but they support the one she's made. And they set her on her path to freedom. I read her scene leaving the Birds of Prey as their having been the vehicle (she literally takes their car) to beginning her new life free of the toxic relationship that had plagued her. From what I've read (Mostly 'To be and Anchor in the Storm' by Susan Brewster, but I also think it's briefly mentioned in 'Why Does he Do That' by Lundy Bancroft), the single most important thing that can be done to empower an abused person is not to make choices for them or lead them, but to reinforce and nourish their abilities to take charge of their own lives, to make their own decisions, trust their own feelings, and find their own way.

That's why I found it quite powerful when they work together despite their animosities. Why I found it powerful when she worked with others not as a puppet or on command, but on equal footing, as partners. She doesn't get out alone, on her own two feet: "Harley’s arc was so interesting to me because whereas the story sets her up to learn to stand on her own (the “a harlequin is nothing without a master” speech is perfect), what she ACTUALLY learns by the end of the film is not to rely only on herself, but to rely on BETTER people who will support her. Whereas most stories might feature the protagonist becoming the sole hero and saving the day alone, Harley learns that dependence is not a weakness, it just matters on WHOM you depend." - allgirlsareprincesses

Still, it's okay that Harley doesn't join them afterward and sets out on her own. And really, Harley herself... not a great person. She really is depicted generally as a person who does not consider the pain she puts on other people. She wasn't cut out to be a Bird of Prey; it wouldn't have been true to her character. But that's also powerful. It reinforces the truth that even bad people or less-than-good-people don't deserve to be abused. Being free of her abuse didn't magically make her a good person. That's it's own separate thing, and maybe not in the cards for Harley Quinn all things considered. But that doesn't negate her right to be free from abuse.

And if this movie might possibly be all we get, I think I'm okay with imagining that's the intent. Because as it stands, unless they're altering the relationship set up between Harley and Joker, he's not that far away from his own retribution to the factory explosion. We're left with the option to go there in a future film (with a different actor only I can't help but imagine), or we can stop here with this metaphorical handling of Joker and Harley's emancipation. Either way, I think this film is brilliant, and I will cherish the idea that in someone's heart of hearts, Joker dies by a grenade planted on his person just by some kid.

#birds of prey #birds of prey spoilers #abuse mention #Domestic Abuse mention #okay really I should have let this simmer longre #but then it never would have been #i get lazy #so if I don't do these when the impulse takes me #they don't happen #Sorry if this is too rambly #I thank a giftset showing Harley and Renee growling at each other to make me realizehow awful Harley was to our other MCs #which reminded me of Anthy from Revolutionary Girl Utena #And then reading Geeky's post about Sionis being more a foil to Harley than a villian #and how he's a non character in the film #to get me to this thought #sad it took so much because I don't think many people would have a hard time coming to this conclusion #Like it's sort of obvious really isn't it?#Like maybe you don't think it but then your'e like yeah that's a journey for Harley bc of Joker #whatever #pretend i'm insightful xD #meta #thinky thoughts #tfgoc #tf gets caught up in her thoughts #utena spoilers #spoileres for jetwolf #bc of the Anthy mention

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dabblinginmarvel · 5 years

Text

Bucky Barnes Masterlist

This post contains a list of the links to all stories about Bucky Barnes and will be ever-growing.

Current count: 88

A Benched Bucky

Due to her health conditions, Bucky is very protective over the girlfriend his team doesn’t know about.

We Have A Problem

Bucky has no choice but to tell others about you when you go missing.

New Problems, New Tests

Y/N’s health begins to fail and on top of that, there is a pregnancy scare.

Scary Movie

Epilogue to the A Benched Bucky Series.

Back to You

You and Bucky have a toxic friendship, but always can rely on each other.

Bad Reputation

Based upon ‘Bad Reputation’ by Shawn Mendes.

Beauty and the Beast

Based on Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, where Bucky is in the position of the Beast.

Part 1

Part 2

The Baker

Bucky’s constant moving to stay hidden is brightened by a sweet neighbor and their equally sweet baked goods

Don’t Come Back

Bucky’s constant moving to stay hidden is brightened by a sweet neighbor and their equally sweet baked goods, but his past is getting closer every day.

Five Minutes

Bucky comes back to apologize to you after he is found innocent by the UN.

The Barbecue

You and Bucky go grocery shopping for the Fourth of July barbecue party.

The Bear

Thirties Bucky spends all his money on the reader at an amusement park while trying to impress you.

Believer

Part 3 in the Avengers series based on Imagine Dragons’ “Believer.” Full Believer Masterlist on the Avengers Masterlist.

The Bookworm

Reader loves reading books and is reading some books in English so she can better her bilingual skills. Bucky is there to help with words.

Cancelled

Bucky comforts a depressed reader.

Celebrate

Bucky takes convincing that Christmas today is worth celebrating.

Clingy

Bucky is a bit clingy.

Come Down with Shyness

Reader is shy and sick and Bucky brings cold care items to her apartment.

ComiCon

Bucky attends ComiCon and meets you.

The Real Thing (Part 2)

You meet Bucky again, but outside of the con.

Christmas Cookies

Making cookies with Bucky gets a bit messy….

Crazy in Love

Bucky and reader go to a costume party as Joker and Harley Quinn.

Date Day Disruption

Steve and Bucky have a stay-in date day, but there are a few familiar faces popping up during it.

Find Me

Reader has past demons causing frequent running away and Bucky is understanding.

Gone (Includes Infinity War spoilers)

After the Snap, Reader is distraught after watching Bucky go.

Halloween Hatter

Bucky’s crush on the reader becomes obvious when a Halloween party accident happens. (gets a bit steamy)

Haunted

Based on “Haunted” by Evanescence.

Headcanons #3

Bucky’s significant other has an abortion.

Headcanons #4

Bucky Barnes and the Reader are pen pals in WWII.

Held Back

Bucky gets seriously injured on a mission and you don’t know until he returns. He gets better and he is shocked to learn why you weren’t able to go on the mission (pregnant!reader).

Home Again

You returned by train from a long day visiting your family only to find Bucky is home early from a mission and he pampers you.

Home Alone

Reader is nervous to be home alone.

Home For Christmas

Bucky comes home for Christmas during a holiday rotation.

I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing

Based on “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith.

I Couldn’t Leave

Bucky admits his feelings for the reader after he gets injured on a mission.

I Love You

Reader does not express emotions very well and as they lay injured, they let their boyfriend Bucky know that they love him.

Part 2

A happy ending to I Love You.

I Thought I Lost You

After the Snap, Bucky and Steve are not sure if Bucky’s lover survived.

I Won’t Lose You

Reader has pregnancy complications.

July 4th Headcanons

Celebrating the fourth of July with Sam, Tony, Bucky, and Steve headcanons.

Just Like Rachel

Based upon the Friends episode where everyone speculates who the baby’s father is.

The Reveal (Sequel)

Reader reveals that the baby is Bucky’s.

The Tickle Monster (Final Part)

Reader and Bucky have a family.

Let’s Hurt Tonight

Based upon “Let’s Hurt Tonight” by OneRepublic.

Life’s a Beach

Reader loves the beach and grew up on the north-western corner of the United States, but hasn’t been home in a while, so Bucky plans a romantic getaway.

Little Things

Based upon “Little Things” by One Direction.

Loss

Reader has just lost a family member and Bucky is there to comfort the reader.

Matching

Reader gets trapped under rubble on a mission and has to make a hard decision: loss of life or loss of limb?

Mission Training

Reader is training for missions with Bucky and Tony.

Mission Accomplished

Bucky is grumpy, so the reader makes it their personal mission to cheer him up.

Not Without Me

Reader ends up in a hospital after surviving a plane crash.

Of a Different Family

James Buchanan Barnes is a very successful mob boss who falls in love with the mysterious singer who leaves her shoe behind in the alley behind his club.

Part 1

Part 2

Photograph

Based upon “Photograph” by Ed Sheeran.

Picture Imagine #4

Bucky is smitten with you after you become an Avenger.

Picture Imagine #5

You and Bucky get into a fight.

Picture Imagine #6

You’re sick and Bucky stays to care for you.

Picture Imagine #12

Bucky has learned how to play the piano and plays it when he’s upset.

Picture Imagine #18

You wear glasses and Bucky wants to distract you from your work at home.

Picture Imagine #21

The day after your first night with Bucky.

Pizza

Steve and Bucky have a moment before he has to get frozen again.

Plums

Reader bumps into Bucky at the supermarket.

Prompt 1

Bucky is always there for you, even in the middle of the night.

Prompt 3

Bucky has computer troubles and the reader helps him.

Prompt 4

Bucky and reader are on a mission and while hiding, Bucky accidentally touches the reader’s bum.

Prompt 10

Reader and Bucky are dating and Bucky stops by because he needs your emotional support.

Prompt 11

Bucky is your bakery buddy and he asks you out finally.

Prompt 15

You and Bucky have homemade dinner together.

Prompt 17

Bucky Barnes is NOT jealous… he’s not!

Prompt 20

Yours and Bucky’s child wants to hear one more time how her parents met.

Prompt 34

Bucky is very persistent in earning your affections.

The Protective Soldier

Bucky’s Winter Soldier mode is activated, but his mission is to protect you.

Recovery (contains Captain America: Civil War spoilers)

A story covering Bucky’s recovery from his Winter Soldier days. Not reader-based, includes original characters and Marvel characters. Happens directly after Civil War.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Epilogue

Road Trip

Steve, Sam, Bucky, and the reader go on a road trip together.

Santa, Baby

Reader dresses in a sexy Santa costume.

Scared Spitless

Reader’s friends invite them to go to a haunted house, but the reader is scared to go. Bucky promises to go with them and protect the reader.

Saved

Based upon “H.O.L.Y.” by FLAGA and “I Bet My Life” by Imagine Dragons. You and Bucky are getting married.

The Shadow

You are the Winter Soldier’s shadow.

Singing Practice

Reader has been recruited to sing the national anthem for their favorite sports team and practices singing.

Something’s Fishy

You and Bucky get caught cheating at Avengers Game Night.

Strong

Tony and Bucky do their best to alleviate some of the reader’s struggles with depression.

Star Spangled Wedding

Poly relationship wedding between the reader, Bucky, and Steve.

Through the Glass

Part 1

Bucky falls in love with the reader when he is brought in to the UN.

Part 2

Bucky and the reader have been away from each other since their first meeting with Bucky locked up. Bucky is still in love.

Trick or Treat

You take Bucky trick or treating.

We Take Care of Each Other

Reader defends Bucky from rude SHIELD agents’ comments after the events of The Winter Soldier.

We’re Still Friends (includes ReaderxTony platonic)

Tony is your best friend and is jealous that you have been spending so much time with your boyfriend, Bucky.

What Happened in September?

Bucky learns about September 11, 2001 in the United States.

Who Needs Plans?

Bucky comes home from a mission to the reader on their period.

#a dabblinginmarvel masterlist post

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violetsystems · 5 years

Text

#personal

I think life would worry me more if weird weeks consistently ended on a sour note. As far as weird weeks go, this week was pretty strange. Between my home and my office is still a bit of an adventure. I live in a major city that the news always complains is shrinking. If you were to survey the psychic war of personal space at any given time you’d see different results. But we live in a society. More so I live in America in a city as close to Gotham as it gets. If you wanted to drill down to the essence of the terms, I’m about as incel as it gets. Except I’d just tell you I’m celibate by choice. Why I’ve chosen to refrain from intimacy for years isn’t something people really want to listen to. Surprisingly I have lashed out at society any number of times on my commute. Not unlike Robert Pattinson’s shirts people are often “on my dick” in the parlance of our times. Most of this I’ve begun to realize is better to ignore than react to. I look scary when I’m angry. At least I see myself that way. Twisted and scrunched up in pain. I’m more like the hulk. My secret is that I am always in pain. I’m too tired from core strength training and yoga to give a fuck. The penultimate hipster. A smug left leaning liberal with a conscience. I wouldn’t argue with any of those by definition. But people who’ve come to know me here understand it’s not so simple. The more patience you develop the more problems you are aware enough of to avoid. I wrote a Nike survey for their training app the other day. I described how pleased I was that it gave me the confidence to quit the gym. A gym that I noted in the survey where I experienced constant sexual harassment and intimidation. Ironically a summer later focusing on soccer routines in my apartment got me in better shape physically than I’ve ever been. And yet here I am. Lonely old man on the internet. Lonely old handsome man on the internet. I’m not trying to hit on anyone. No new friends. I write these mostly for my friends and the people I care deeply about. The results used to be mostly apparent online. These days it bleeds into the streets I walk daily. Sometimes that is very hard to interpret but it’s easier when I’m open to receiving it. People have heavy expectations on me. This I’m fine with. We live in a society after all. And yet there are often times I want to lash out. Mostly these days there are times I draw the line and set the boundaries. I’m mad as hell and can’t take it anymore. And my resistance to things looks far different than that of a Joker or even a Batman. But I’m still just like you. Often horny but never inappropriately so. At least not in public. That’d be fucked up. And yet we still live in a society where men feel bothered by that very concept. Their libidos enslaved and their expectations denied. Who entitled these clowns to anything? It’s called involuntary celibacy for a reason. What makes people uncomfortable is the modern white male heterosexual’s expectation for sex. Therein lies a problem to be engineered and solved in your life not a complete mental fucking breakdown. This is why we can’t have nice things. Thank you Mr. Incel.

My longest relationship lasted a decade. It ended in a complex ball of fire where I crash landed in total ash. There were times when it was amazing. I don’t think I would have put so much into it at the time if it weren’t. Never want to go back to that particular shit ever again. But for whatever reason from there I spent a long time blaming myself. Mostly feeling sorry for myself and drinking alone. That evolved into drinking alone on the other side of the planet in places like Korea and Japan. Then I definitely decided to quit drinking. A decade later I’m pretty much a virgin again. Whatever the fuck that means really. It doesn’t make me any different from anybody else. I’ve liked a girl for what seems like forever. But it’s only been this last year where I saw myself in any sort of orbit. If society is already so claustrophobic I often just want to be silent and alone. People who can’t stand to be alone often hate themselves secretly. I’ve been there. The lowest possible place you could be for a single white heterosexual male. I’m sure some of my audience revels in those kinds of statements. Serves the straights right you know. I ain’t mad at you. Why should I be. It’s mostly those communities that have voiced the most valuable criticisms about toxic masculinity. And yet however good I am there’s still people out there who can’t stand to see me winning. That’s called saving face. And I guess the joker does it with a shit ton of clown makeup. I do it with a daily moisturizer for oily skin. It is true that society as a whole shares the blame. So instead of lashing out why not just drop out of society entirely. Or build society 2.0 the internet portal. Society in orbit around the planet in the ISS. You feel like you can take on the entire weight of the planet. The joker is not Galactus. These pieces of shit know they’re worthless and weak. They run on reaction and pure adrenaline. They want to end with the most hurt incurred possible. They want people to feel how bad they feel inside. And I’ve been there. And I realized nobody would want to share a side of my bed with that kind of attitude. So I slept alone night after night and thought about healing instead of suffering. Still fucking horny. It never ends. Do I project that onto people? Act gross on the internet or in public. No. And year after year people have grown to trust that I may not exactly be part of the problem. Things start to feel romantic again in the strangest way possible. What does it mean to be sexy and what does it mean to be repulsive? I don’t think having expectations on other people is sexy at all. You treat people like objects that way. Objects can’t love you back. And you lash out in pain that you can’t mature enough to see people as human first. You become a twisted Frankenstein in the mirror. You’ve had it up to here. Nobody will ever love me. Nobody has time for me. Nobody around here anyway. I’m glad honestly because I’m saving all my love for you. People don’t get that. I do. And I see it reflected back at me in the streets. A different kind of expectation. A different kind of trust. A different take on being a man. A different kind of joke entirely.

And so here a troubled Conan sits on his throne seemingly without a queen. What does he do? Wage war on the struggles he was built upon? Search for peace? Go back to being a Barbarian and a thief probably. That’s what I’d do. Politics these days is the closest thing to dark sorcery. And Conan hates dark sorcery. I’m the one walking around in the streets being called a witch. My only witchcraft has been inclusiveness. And that includes me. I’m as sexually frustrated as anybody else out there. Frustration isn’t exactly sexy in all cases. Just do something about it. And what men mostly do with it has been ugly. You’d think with so much failure out there it’d be easy to see the successes. Male frustration is something people have grown to actually fear with good reason. Systemic racism, homophobia, transphobia, religious intolerance, controlling behavior and whatever else you want to throw onto the heaping trash pile of toxic white male American Heterosexual identity in 2019. I’m supposed to tell you I’m different. Trust me babe. If I know anything about America and the English language people love to talk about what they do. How they’d build that time machine and save Anne Frank. Sometime after brunch or expensive coffee. The mind fuck is you have to do something about it. And it’s more likely for me to solve the problem of toxic masculinity for myself and thrive than to just talk about it. Solve it for the world when the world doesn’t listen. I’ve been talking about it on the internet lonely for years. Now people won’t stop hassling me in the streets. I’m surrounded by an army of Pink backpacks at all times. Cloistered together like bandits in the morning. Some sort of tribal reaction to an assault on the very fabric of society. You wake up one day and realize you are on the other side of the movement. You didn’t expect to be but you deserve it. And instead of lashing out you’ve worked to build a society that includes you. That understands your frustrations and appreciates how you work to perfect them. I’ve spat at the ground more times than anybody knows this summer. I’m crying as I write this. And I know it won’t get any better if I act like a child and kick over the sandcastles we all built together. And yet society doesn’t stop fucking with you. Nobody is happy. Nobody goes out and takes life by the throat gently. If they do they’re pathological, sociopathic and gross about it. There’s no Crom above to judge them. And the rich get richer. And the scandals get deeper. And people run around with shirts that I made from the trash and try to sell me guitars under the el tracks by my house. Sounds like a great place to plant a garden or raise a family. Maybe one day we can take a family picture in the joker face paint. Let’s just hope our child doesn’t get expelled from public school because of it. At least then I won’t be an incel. For now everybody else in the parlance of our times. “Stay off my dick.” <3 Tim

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jokersmild · 5 years

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I still owe a number of things, but I wanted to take the time to explain my interpretation of the Joker's romantic inclinations - particularly in regards to Harley Quinn and Batman. Heads up that this is incredibly long, hence the readmore!

To understand the Joker, you have to first understand that he is completely and utterly insane. That's not to say that he doesn't follow logic or make rational decisions, simply that if normality is a spectrum with pale house, picket fence, a 9-5 job, and two pets on one side, the Joker is on the exact opposite side. He is the embodiment of chaos, and so he cannot feel 'love' or anything similar in the way that the average, mentally sound human can. Love is something that he's capable of processing - he loves jokes, he loves violence and death - but when it comes to loving creatures that are alive, what he feels would be more comparable to curiosity in varying levels. At his most curious, you have Batman and Harley Quinn. His least curious would likely be harmless animals, newborn babies, and mundane tasks. The more curious about something the Joker is, the longer he keeps it around, and the more he attempts to mold it to fit a shape he finds most pleasing.

I'm sure most of you who have read this far already know the story of how he came to meet Harley Quinn, but just in case, I'll summarize briefly. She worked as a psychologist fresh out of college at Arkham and talked her way into getting Joker as her first patient. She wanted to write a story on him to gain fame and fortune, but he ended up seducing and manipulating her, turning her into the Harley you know today. The reason he put so much effort into twisting her into something he finds pleasing is because he saw her potential on their very first meeting. The Joker is incredibly intelligent, especially socially, and is capable of picking up on the subtlest of hints. He spent (likely) somewhere around a year as he patient, testing her, prodding for minute details like her favorite colors, her hobbies, and her grades in school, and given all that time, he was able to learn enough about her past and personality to successfully get inside her head. The more she fell for his lies, the more she stretched as he pulled, the more he wanted to do more. She became an experiment of sorts, a test to see just how much he could change this prim and proper pencil skirt wearing doctor to someone like him - a murderous clown who views life as a joke. When she finally snapped and became 'Harley Quinn', he had intended to toss her aside, since his test had been a success and there was nothing more to see. But she continued to surprise him. She proved herself to be competent as a henchman where no others had before, she proved that she could match his pace, complement his theatrical appearance and mannerisms, and that she had far more to show him than he'd thought possible.

A fact worth noting is that the Joker never intended for her to fall in love with him. He doesn't suffer from any self esteem issues (in fact, it's quite the opposite as he has Narcissism), but he assumed that a woman nearly half his age would have no interest in an asylum inmate. When she first showed signs of romantic attraction, Harley genuinely surprised him. The Joker's past has never included romantic relationships (note, I mean the Joker and not the man he was before), and he never intended it to aside from his pining for Batman. He wasn't sure how to react for the first time in ages, and it was the fact that she was able to render him speechless and stunned that began his spiral into what he later realized is love. After she joined with him, after the months of pet names, hand holding, hugs, and soft kisses on cheeks and foreheads, the Joker realized that he enjoyed her company. And not in the way that he enjoyed a crying, screaming victim's, but not entirely dissimilar to the way he felt about Batman. The Joker wanted to keep her around, keep her happy (as he does so enjoy her laughter and excited squeals), and name her his number two. Once he came to that conclusion, he became ill. He knew that it wasn't 'The Joker in love with Harley Quinn', but rather, the man he was before (Jack, John, or Arthur if you please) in love with her. She appealed to what tiny scraps of sanity he had left. Harley showed him unconditional affection and kindness, she was patient with him, supportive, and an ever present source of camaraderie. Sure, she had fallen for The Joker's clowny antics, but she fell for the glimpses of sanity that only she had been able to see. The Joker worried that keeping her close would ease some of the symptoms of his insanity, that he would cease to be 'The Joker' if he and Harley remained an item. So he attempted to kill her. And when she didn't die, he learned that she was no pushover - he had turned her into something near an equal. At that point, he had little choice but to keep her close. She knew his secrets, had seen him cry of all things, and he had unknowingly given her power over him that no one else, not even Batman has. He loves her, not just his sanity, but even the Joker himself came to love Harley for her tenacity, insanity, bloodlust, and theatrics. It makes little sense why he would abuse her as he does if he loves her, but the Joker, as I mentioned, does not process love in a sane way. He continues to test her to this day, and the most common test is of her loyalty. No one is a constant in his life aside from Batman, the other Gotham Rogues shift from friend to foe in moments, and he'd convinced himself she would be the same. You could say that he's incapable of accepting that he's loved, and because he refused to believe she would stay with him, he continued to prod her in search of the button that would trigger the 'leave' response. Now that he found it and she has truly left him, he can't accept that, either. He made her, his tests are the reason she is who she is, and she will always love him. She has to love him, because his sanity will always love her. It's similar to not knowing what he had until it was gone - although he knew what he had, he simply wasn't capable of carrying the weight of love.

In Batman's case, the Joker loves him because he created the Joker. Think of it as a sort of... accidental 'Mad Love' scenario. In many of his origin stories (the Killing Joke being my primary inspiration), Batman led the Joker to the chemical vat, and his dark and brooding nature is what encouraged the Joker to take on a light and jovial one. They are day and night, light and shadow, and the Joker feels Batman completes him. A world without Batman simply wouldn't make sense (a concept he's currently struggling with here in isola), as you can't have a left hand without a right. It would just be a hand. Batman would just be a man dressed as a bat, and the Joker would just be a clown.

The main point to take out of the differences in the Joker's feelings for Harley and Batman, is that the Joker is obsessed with Batman. Their relationship is one of need. It is the stage on which the Joker's theatrics take place and Batman's stoic and determined nature shine. What he feels for Harley isn't need, but rather, comfort. He doesn't have to put on a show for her like he does the rest of the world. He doesn't have to wear the lipstick or the suit for her to see him for who he truly is. If our resident Harley wants to explain her feelings for the Joker, she's more than welcome to as I can't speak for her interpretation, but what I do strongly believe is that Harley will continue to love the Joker because he's the first person who looked at her and saw her, not what she presented. They have this in common, the ability to understand one another as no one else can, and thus they will always be connected - whether it's romantic or platonic. They claim to despise each other, and while Harley is more likely to be vocal about her hidden desire to care for him, the Joker feels the same. He's said as much to her on a few rare occasions, even though most only see his aggressive and violent behavior toward her. That's just one aspect of his emotions, and it's crucial to keep in mind that the Joker sees himself as an actor, the co-star alongside Batman, and he's nothing if not dedicated to performance. He has many faces (no pun intended), and there are as many Jokers as there are comics, movies, and shows he appears in. Each writer has their own opinion, their own ideas, and I have mine.

In conclusion, I ask that you take a moment to consider that the Joker is more than he appears. Yes, he is a serial killer and a terrorist dressed as a clown. But he is also a man whose wife and child died the day before he fell into a vat of toxic chemicals that forever altered his physical and mental state. I don't want anyone to sympathize with him - The Joker is intended to be a truly terrible and awful villain, someone who feels not a single ounce of regret, unlike Harley who sometimes feels guilt for her actions and draws moral lines. There is some small piece of who he once was deep down inside, but it's not going to surface. He will have no redemption arc. He will never be a good person. But there is, was, and always will be the potential for him to be a good partner. Whatever happens in Isola will remain a mystery until it happens, as sometimes plans go awry as muses run rampant, but I thank you for reading this to its conclusion, and for attempting to see the small flickers or goodness he shows toward Harley in rare and vulnerable moments. Because even though the Joker represents true evil and rampant chaos, even the darkest depths must have light somewhere nearby - otherwise how would you compare its darkness?

#ǝʅᴉⅎ ʎɯ uᴉ sʇᴉ IMPORTANT !!#sǝʅᴉɯs ⅎo ʇno OOC !!#[ this is so long... ]#[ also I'm posting on mobile! Formatting will be done once I'm home.]#ABUSE MENTION CW #MANIPULATION MENTION CW

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doilooklikeihaveaplan · 6 years

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Follow Forever!!! Mun and Muse

((Technically I already did this when I got to 100 followers the first time but...I don’t care! I’m doing it again!))

I actually made it up to 120 followers before I decided to ditch my state for a younger better looking one and as you can imagine sudden absence tends to make people upset for some reason. In short, I lost almost 50 followers while I was gone, but I got enough back to make it up to 100 again!! I’m not going to lie, this follow forever will probably mirror my first one almost exactly, but again, I don’t care! I’m bored and this seems like a good way to pass the time. So, without further ado I will be doing top five that I like to write with and J likes to write with, based on chemistry.

We’ll start with mun because I’m obviously who people want to read about (har har) but mostly because it’s going to be much easier to write this one without lapsing into character where it’ll probably happen when I write out J’s...Who am I kidding, it’ll most definitely happen, Joker always ruins everything I try to do.

Mun List

1.) @mangledmenagerie / @snazzyzsaszy-archived - Pretty sure this one goes without saying. It’s bad enough you won’t be first on J’s list, you had to at least be first on mine. Though our writing topics don’t always get J in the best of spirits, you are easily one of the best people to write with when I’m feeling in a slump. I can go to barely managing three line responses to managing a three page reply for one of our threads. Sometimes, that’s not always a good thing. I’m sure I overwhelm you at times.

2.) @vitrexanima - So far all of our threads have been really fun and really easy to write about. I never need to take any time to think about what I’m going to write when it comes to you, I can just start writing and it just comes to me. As with all AU universes, it can be hard to keep J true to character when writing with you so unfortunately you probably won’t make both lists. J is never happy unless he’s the center of attention. That being said, I’m really happy that we’ve started talking on discord and I really look forward to keep writing with you in the future.

3.) @rainbowspousesjerome - I had to. We haven’t been rping for awhile, but I’m really looking forward to getting back into it with you and your character. You’re another one that it’s really easy to write replies for. You don’t mind going into detail and giving me a lot of information to work with, which is really helpful for my writing style. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you better and I’m sure our teen verse is going to be awesome.

4.) @harley-clownette-quinn - I freely admit, I’m one of those trash people that I will read about anything involving Joker and Harley Quinn. It only makes sense that I love writing it as well. That being said, I couldn’t ask for a better Harley to rp with. It might take awhile to get replies, but every reply I get from you is more than worth the wait. I love how you write Harley and I really look forward to going forward.

and last but certainly not least...

5.) @quiinnsanity - Another one that usually the replies take awhile, but are always worth the wait. I love how the Arkham angle is playing out and though it can be hard to keep up with you at times because J always wants to talk a lot faster than I can type, it is such a treat writing with you. Harley is completely on point and you do an amazing job speaking for her.

You all do an amazing job!!

And then there’s J.... I’m going to try and keep this out of character, I promise

1.) @pure-driven-snow Lucy and J are probably the least toxic relationship that I am writing currently, even including my other writings. I mean, they’re terrifying! They actively support each other in murdering people and are just really good sports about it. I can not even explain in proper terms how much I love writing as these two.

2.) @qceensofkings As I said in im, this ship I struggled with for a bit. The story was just played out too quickly, there was nothing else to tell. Ever since we revamped it and have been doing rewrites, it’s been a whole different experience. We’re still pretty new into it, but it’s so much easier to write as them and I’m really looking forward to writing the next reply. (admittedly that’s what I should be doing instead of doing this but moving on!)

3.) @rainbowspousesjerome Yeah, you’re on here twice, I know. It’s not my fault though!! You write an amazing Jerome, you know this, but even from what we’ve written before, not even including what we’re doing now, J is so frickin excited to be talking to Jerome again. I can’t even tell you. He’s ridiculous.

4.) @feltcalling - Yeah, I know. Awkward! We haven’t talked in forever, but I still had to add you on here. Even if we never rped again, I would still add you on every follow forever I have until the end of time. I can’t even explain the strange toxic chemistry that was between Bruce and J back when we rped but it worked and it was great. If I could change anything about it, I would probably just alter ages so they would be more on the same playing field and have them start over with a revamp, like Jerome and J did. Even so, Bruce is amazing and J even enjoyed talking to Ruth for as briefly as that took place.

5.) @boundinmybones - I’ll admit, it was an afterthought, but even so, you made the list!! Our first AU was amazing. I loved the story building, I loved Zephine, just everything. The problem was, J didn’t like it. I can keep pushing but there’s only so far before he refuses to budge. Since we did the revamp, I think we found a place where we all are going to be much happier in the threads. At least, I certainly hope you’re enjoying them as much as I am or this post will be very awkward, but I mean, me being awkward? What else is new. I love Zephine and I’m really looking forward to continuing our rp.

I may add honorable mentions at some point...probably not, but maybe! If you’ve stuck with me this long, I thank you and might I add, hold onto your hats, because J is here to stay.

#random update no one asked for #about the mun #about the muse #random things #follow forever #100 followers

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