#take away 3d privilege

[grogar]

no more override

#toontown corporate clash #my stuff #take away 3d privilege #chainsaw consultant #chip revvington #shitpost #meme

[iznsfw]

Manic Robotic Dream Girl

IZ Days of Christmas 2023: Day 4 - Choi Yena

IZ*ONE's Choi Yena x Male Reader Smut

8,311 words

Neon lights dance like flames around you. There’s no need to touch them when you’re already burning. Burning with something that’s not a fever but a kind of pain that never goes away. 

Sweat pricks the sides of your face and you’re aware of the blots of perspiration running down your jawline. Nights at the Rogue are often hot, but then they surprise you with a sudden burst of windiness, so you never bother to take your coat off. Whatever and wherever, you’ll always be here yet you’ve not once been able to predict the temperature.

That’s what happened when WAKE12 took over. 

Apparently, they decide if people are under the weather by controlling it by them-fucking-selves. Kwon feeling shitty? Looks like rain then. Maybe she’s feeling happy? Alright, let the clouds find balance. Angry? Take a fucking hailstorm. What a privilege, one bigger than the lives of the rich men in the North. But everyone forgets about that fact after she sends out minimal alms—canned goods, a Bible, something. Then it’s back to President Kwon is the best! President Kwon can never fail us! President—

“Vodka.”

“Same as yesterday?” asks Yuri, smiling a little bit. 

“Same as yesterday.” For a hologram, Yuri can be quite the social butterfly. 

Online wallets are all the rage nowadays. The AI voice in your head offers you said option to pay, and you can hear your balance privately spoken. Somehow your brow prevents from creasing as you hear it. You lack funds but somehow have a few extra bucks to drink. 

Choose that. You want to save your Wizes for other things. Lock eyes with Yuri and your balance goes down. You’ve paid. 

Online and digital wallets modified with embedded signals and readers were in use before you were even born. Of course, there were already such payment options in the twenty-first century, but how WAKE12 changed everything, not just ordering options with telepathic payment, can easily be read in a sixth grade history textbook. 

In October of the year 2918, Kwon Eunbi rose in the ranks as a scientist and soldier for Kang Hyewon, former president, and ended up working her way into dictatorship. The textbooks and classrooms teach that she proposed a law to the court and got herself a position for her wit and intelligence. But early first accounts challenge that, saying that she caught the eye of Kang and had a sexual relationship with her. WAKE12 branded this as propaganda that sullies the name of not only the dictator but the one of the late president, who died mysteriously before Kwon rose to power.

Massive backstory for cashless payment, but you know there’s more to it than the government would like to let on. What happened to Kang? What made Kwon so evil the moment she sat in her presidential throne?

“Thank you, sir.” Holograms all have different voices; Yuri’s sounds like she’s singing. At least the bartender slash boss hired her instead of those with monotone, emotionless ones. It’s cheaper to have hologram workers than humans anyway. Less money, less emotional labor, less of feeling like a normal person.

A beggar curled up below the counter holds his hand out. Not an uncommon sight in the Auster, but it’s a pity to see. The world has advanced with its telepathic wallets and 3D holograms yet there will always be individuals who haven’t caught up with time. While the North Rogue leads worldly lifetimes, the Auster is a home for the rejects. The poorest of the poor. The somewhere-in-the-middles. It can never be truly a perfect world if advancement doesn’t include everyone.

Give him a Wize. Back then, that would have been worth a hundred or so dollars, a currency long gone. Not that you’d know of it; WAKE12 claimed leadership way before you were born so the cheap value of the coin studded with the bust of Kwon Eunbi is all you’re accustomed to. 

Take your drink and thank Yuri. 

The cobblestone is rough beneath your feet. You take your seat at your usual table. Float your fingers around your shotglass. Pour the contents down your chapped mouth almost all in one go. Anything to feel something. Anything to feel anything. 

You’re not an alcoholic by any means, though that’s certainly up for debate. But there’s a need for the liquid that rages more than the need for oxygen (the fucking shortage of it) or food (the fucking expense of it). How else could you be less numb? You’re welcome to every feeling at this stage, just not this empty neutrality that slumbers your senses.

Pain? Your throat seizes up when you drink and brings tears to your eyes, so there's that. 

Happiness? Hm, none. You’re barely smiling. You’ve no family, little friends, and no partner for the last few years. There’s nothing to be happy about.

Anger? The displays of people fined harshly for their crimes on the big as life advertising screens stir some defiance in you. WAKE12 doesn’t take kindly to hacktivists and young coders dabbling in creating their own AIs. You have your own anti-government opinions, but what’s a human mind against an artificial one? Plus, and probably a less serious reason (tell that to the thousands who flock to the hospitals because of asthma), the air is almost always polluted here in the Rogue. It’s dirtied by car smoke and factory remains. You’d think that robots taking over the labs would improve it. Perhaps they weren’t programmed that way. 

Loneliness?

You look around. See the glitching phantoms of new world technology make the drinks breezily. Watch the light-studded train filled with commuters from the Auster. Kwon Eunbi managed to build an underside track for additional trains to run and still the commuters—young students, old grandparents, not young but not old workers whose jobs belong to WAKE12—wear the same tired look you saw yesterday. All you could hear are buzzes and uncanny valley voices from holograms.

The second chair paired with your table is empty. You’re suddenly lucid to the fact that it’ll always be like this. These nights of drinking and walking in the Auster Rogue will be endless, and just the same, you’ll be endlessly alone.

Sometimes mortality could be so depressing.

So depressing that it makes it all so meaningless.

A man stumbles over to the outside bar, breaking your thoughtless reverie. His clothes are as black as the night you spend but you can see blood on the fabric. The skyscrapers provide enough light for you to see his red face from anxious internal and worrying external blood. The pleading look grips his expression like a malfunctioning robot’s limb. 

He’s looking back as if afraid of what might be there. The rain-soaked road is tread on roughly by his shaking knees as he crawls his way to the bar. “Please, help me!”

“Warning,” comes the voice in your head, and you know the other visitors hear it, too, “a criminal of the state is in your proximity. Proceed with caution.”

WAKE12 always keeps an eye on those who threaten them. They have goons everywhere. The kindly grandfather down the street could be a veteran waiting for the chance of a medal. They have ears everywhere as well. Undercover cops stay in both crowded and clear spaces to identify possible threats. When it all comes down to it, you’re not safe in your own head at all. The implants can detect when you dream up something terrible. That’s how millions lose their reputation. Their jobs. Their families.

Their lives.

He staggers to the counter, crashing glass that shards his palms, and lets out this wail you’d hear from an abused pup. “Please,” he croaks. “Don’t listen to them. I just need somewhere to hide. I did nothing wrong, nothing!”

The implanted voice in your brain says otherwise. Everyone was given one when the Cyber Age came. That’s what makes a tiny difference in seeing who’s human and who’s not: the tiny, diamond scar below their hairline from the operation. Close inspection can’t always be done, however. Nowadays, too many of these robots and holograms pass the Turing test. You can never truly trust someone.

“Offenses include: playing the role of an accomplice in theft of government data, distribution of terrorist propaganda—”

“Get the fuck out!” says the bartender, having burst out from the back. As a longtime visitor, you haven’t seen him this angry, but you know it stems from fear. No one wants to associate with a criminal. No one wants the association to lead to arrest and the arrest lead to god knows what. Hundreds of people go missing after they’re taken under custody. What Kwon does to them, you don’t know. “Leave or I’ll call the cops!”

Like you said, they lurk everywhere. You’re surprised they haven’t caught up to him.

The bloodied man shakes his head, like please, please, someone believe me. “No, I’m not a criminal! Listen to me, please, I don’t have enough time! They just wanna—cut down” 

Rapid footsteps. Sigh and put your glass down. There they are.

The man reaches for him, but the bartender shoves the whole table into his face. He falls back on the ground and cries out for help that never comes. Men and women wearing tight black uniforms and vests pull him up. Their lit helmets that opposingly disallow a view of their faces make them look emotionless. Like robots.

Huh.

While resting your head against the metal chair, you listen to the struggling shuffles of the police and criminal, and see the glitching robots walking down the road. No real emotion, no real living.

He scratches and screams and sobs, but that doesn’t matter to them. They pull him along the rocky cement and recite his nonexistent rights to him. There’s the right to remain silent (he’s screaming), the right to an attorney (nobody in the Auster can afford a good lawyer much less an honest one), and the right to live freely if found innocent of the crime (someone getting convicted happens more often than being released).

Besides, it can’t be called living when it’s in a place so completely devoid of any humanity.

“In more ways than one,” you say. Fuck it, you’ll drink to that.

-

Like always, you take more than you should. You believe by now you’ve built some kind of immunity. That’s what they all think, you remind yourself, before an inevitable death that buries them in the ground one bricked shot at a time. You swear you’re not dizzy at all or feeling the acid build to your throat, so the sight gathering just a little away from you is real. 

Stare at your glass. Space out if not for what you see: behind it, a shapely form of a woman in purple. The blue and violet lights make it difficult for you to distinguish it from her clothes so she actually looks naked. That shocks you more than the arrest. You’re sure she’s got a little modesty in her because why else is she making her way to a table?

Your table?

It’s like she teleported when she’s suddenly seated before you, filling the chair that’s been empty for the last more or so years. You don’t even get the chance to look up at the right time, but the moment you do, you think keeping your eyes on your glass would’ve been better for the sake of your heart.

YENA.

Her name appears in your mind and she hasn’t even introduced herself. But it’s right there, emblazoned in lights in all capitalized four letters: YENA. This girl is Yena. And this girl—this fucking guilty pleasure of a girl—is gorgeous.

The ends of her hair are tinged with blonde, and it’s hard not to give attention to that with how her locks are gathered into twin tails. She smoothes them before looking at you quite seriously, like she’s about to propose a challenge you’d lose.

Blue shining eyes. There’s something odd about the way they twinkle below her bangs—almost like something not human. 

Yena dances her fingers around her jawline, elbow resting on the table, and tilts her pretty face. Lets her fingers play with her lips that are made for things the Auster’s known for providing (she can’t be from here though; those crocheted coordinates look costly). That’s how you notice that fine feature. Naturally thick and casually jutted out in a distinctive pout, your eyes are glued to them. Can’t take your prolonged stare away if someone helped you. 

“Are you waiting for me to start talking?” Yena asks. She’s not angry, just amused—her voice is smooth and clear, with a tiny pitch that makes her all the more cute. 

You shake your head. “Was just trying to figure something out.” 

“And that is?”

“A lot of things,” you state. Things you’d keep a secret forever, lest you spill them out to a girl all for the payment of being beautiful. “But I’m not sure pretty girls like you would want to know.”

You try to keep your curious peering at her normal, but it’s difficult when she just attracts attention. She’s a glowing lightbulb in a flutter of moths. Yena doesn’t flicker weakly; she shines, and it’s honestly why everyone else is “subtly” looking at her, this gorgeous stranger who came in and somehow chose the alcoholic who came from places more rock bottom than the Auster.

She laughs. It’s sobering—you think you’ll get drunk on her rather than the cheap alcohol. “Is that what you think of me? Too beautiful to think too much?” 

Look her up and down. Yeah, you want to say, that’s about it. It’s not out of offense but rather the instinct in you that wants to tell her you don’t want to put her in a worried state. She’s too… ah, she doesn’t know what you’d do for a girl like her—someone too unreal to be human but too genuine to be the “living” dolls lonely men purchase. Someone who can keep a conversation going without fearing a low blow. Someone who’s out of your league in the Rogue’s mixed pool but chooses you anyway.

“I’m just saying you might not want to hear a stranger boring you with his hard problems.”

“Oh please,” she says, waving it off with a flick of a pointed wrist. “You know my name. I know yours. We’re not strangers anymore.”

How did you—how did she—

Her eyes twinkle again. They’re… violet? You could have bet they were blue. But then you see the suspiciously smooth and clear skin, with the perfect lines of her eyelids, which curve as if manufactured in. She’s definitely not human. 

“Besides,” adds Yena sweetly, “you’re really underestimating how good I can take certain hard things.”

Swallow. You opened the door, now you’re locked in. 

Yena catches the bob of your Adam’s apple and smirks. Traces her fingers over yours. She can’t be human for sure yet you feel the softness of her hand, the only thing giving you doubt being how chilled her touch is. It's humid here, so where did that come from? Goosebumps pop up in masses across your skin—note how nothing shows up on hers.

Maybe she’s just a confident woman.

“Come on, I dare you.” 

“Only if you go first.” 

“Yes, sir,” she says. A cutesy saluted hand positions itself before her temple. Her hands are tiny, could be dainty, while her cheeks lift to support an adorable smile. 

Your knees tremble. You don’t know where that came from either. Yena just knows what to say to get to a guy. Almost like she was made for it. There’s that question again, resurfacing in your altered brain: is she human or not?

You lean back. Cross your arms. Here you go, on your way to find out. “What’s your story?” 

Yena shrugs, her shoulders bare and smooth. And you’re thinking of how you’d like to see the rest of them, the rest of her body naked by pulling down the crocheted strap of the purple coordinates. How you’d like to touch those puffed up cheeks and not care if they’re real or not when you pull her close to kiss her. How those lips—

“Don’t have one.”

“Sorry?”

She laughs. Even the way she giggles is attractive.  “No, seriously,” she replies, licking her lips. “There’s nothing interesting about me. I’m the most normal girl there is.”

There is nothing normal about her. Everything she says is too prepared. The largeness of her eyes gives everything away. Her hair is combed too finely that you’re not unconvinced that it isn't human hair at all, though you can see them connect at the roots. It’s like someone drew a cute animated girl on a notepad one lonely night, sent the idea to a rich bastard, and brought her to life.

So no, you’re not buying it.

“So you’re saying you’re just a blank canvas.”

“If you put it like that, I guess.” Yena rolls her eyes. You’re a bit obsessed. “Guys want that, right? A blank piece of a girl they could shoot more than a shot at? Maybe paint her white?”

You’re thankful you didn’t continue drinking. Otherwise, your surprise would be visible and audible with the lodge of your throat as you wineboard yourself.

The side of her mouth raises. A soft dimple exceeding cuteness—it’s deeper, brighter, shinier. You imagine her as a college student, charming boys into submission just with a wink and a smile that can melt hearts and bring guilt to lust-addled minds. 

That’s what she’s doing: Yena is melting you because of how adorable she is, but then you take a look at her body, note the fine curves it boasts, and feel the need to go to a confessional pastor. You’re not supposed to repeats in your mind, but you’re you—if you aren’t supposed to do it, then of course you’ll do it anyway.

“Woah,” you say with a nervous laugh. “Woah.”

“Look.” She rests her forearm on the table and talks so casually one would think she weren’t just talking about getting cumshots. “I‘m not taking that back, so do with that what you will.”

Under the table, behind the scenes, her leg is curled around one of yours. Her ankle glides along your skin teasingly. Not a speck of hair on all of those flawless legs, but you’re shivering anyway from the contact. Hence, make a show of closing your coat around yourself. You can’t fool her when it’s not even chilly.

Recover, piecing together the brokenness of your confidence she tore apart.

“My story is, uh, weird.”

“Tell me.”

“This might be too personal but—” You lift your shoulders awkwardly. “I used to date a girl who looks exactly like you.”

Kim Chaewon—short auburn hair, soft cheeks, and a tiny figure. She’s a memory you didn’t think of returning to today, but then Yena came here, and now you’re back to your youth.

“She was a cop. Cutest officer I’ve ever seen, but a real bitch, for the lack of a better word. Then she left me.”

“You broke her heart, didn’t you?” 

Sputter. “No!” you immediately deny, shaking your head. “I—I didn’t hurt her, she was—”

A filthy lie. You became nonchalant, undeserving of a sweet woman who’d do anything for you, even give up her well-paying job. Again and again, Chaewon expressed her concerns: why were you talking to Minju? Where have you been? Why are you so mean? You disregarded them all the same. She deserved the ignorance; she was too fucking controlling, too fucking jealous.

Yena knows you’re lying. It’s like you’re a wound she can peel back to see all the ugliness, all the damage underneath. Her smile tells you everything.

“Oh, come on. I don’t care. Except for this.” Yena intertwines her fingers. Rests her chin on top of the formed platform. “Was she a good fuck?”

Your laugh is forced, trying to make a good deal out of this situation. A girl is flirting with you right after you saw someone disappear. Now you’re wondering if she’s a robot. Now, through some way, she knows you’re lying about your ex. Coincidences meet yet you refuse to connect them—parallel lines they shall stay, forever. 

“Yena, what exactly is up with you?” you ask. “You just met me. And come on now, why me?”

It’s begun to be hotter in this space. Loosen your coat. Perspiration isn’t because of the atmosphere, so you find out (and what a surprise). It’s because of the woman across you, a midnight sun. If the painful sun was actually a symbol of good in the Rogue, Yena would play its role perfectly. She’d scorch through you and you’ll enjoy every second. Yeah, you’d get all sorts of tans and burns and cancers if you bask in her without protection, but my god, are you willing to take the risk.

“I just don’t like seeing pretty boys have problems,” she replies easily. “If they want, (and I know they do), I’ll take them all away. Soon, all you'll think of is me. Like I’m the sun peeking in your room and you just can’t get enough sleep because of it.”

You tense up. Millions of questions, a void empty of answers. Once again, how was she so spot on? You’re not breathing quite well, and your clothes are tighter tonight. “Yena, look, I-I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

Don’t be, not because you aren't, but because she said so.

She pouts. “You’re not gonna buy me a drink?”

“You sound disappointed.”

“Nope. Remember what I said? I’m a blank canvas. So do whatever you want with me. Buy me a drink. Or not. Tell me to fuck off. Or not. Force me on my knees.”

Yena kneels.

There’s no mantle on the table to cover up what she’s about to do. You gasp, then try to mask it as a poor cough, but you’re distracted by how she pulls your pants down effortlessly. The button sealing your coat is busted open and gone.

So is your dignity.

Yena’s tongue sticks out at the side of her mouth as she looks up at you with excitement and mischief in her eyes. 

“Or let me do the job. I’m a big girl after all.”

She seals her teeth around your zipper and tugs down. It’s embarrassing how hard you are for her. But Yena doesn’t care. Adoration is clear on her face as she stares at your shaft, the worshipful energy in her eyes so overwhelming that she has to do something about it.

“Yena—” What a way to go out: screaming a stranger’s name.

You knew those lips were up to no good the moment you saw them. She’s provided evidence, too. Her soft lips embrace your boner and suckle fervently while dragging themselves upwards. It’s a caress that tenses you up rather than comforts you. It works you up, tying you down with the little weight Yena has. You could kick her away right now and tell her to go away. File a case against her. 

You don’t.

The joined duo of careful teeth and wild tongue gets you whimpering. Shivering. Begging. How is she so good at this?

Her mouth is perfectly wet. It’s not copiously soaked to have you cringing but the perfect balance of wet and ready, coating your rod again and again. She gives you too much and just right. It would be a cruel violation if you were asked to choose one and only one.

“Baby, what the fuck—” you stammer. 

Her throat’s an expert in taking you because one push of her lips to your base welcomes you in its tight hole. Your knees shake; Yena places her hands on it, not to stop their trembles but for leverage during the dip of her head. 

Close your eyes, look up, and stare at skies that provide no reprieving stars. Think of how she’s infinitely bett—

“Better than any pussy, huh?” Yena asks. The third time is no coincidence, so you’ve heard. “And it’s just my throat.”

At this stage, you don’t care if she’s a robot or not, because either way, that mouth is a fucking treasure.

You lift your hips and start slowly working yourself in Yena’s face. Her lips pucker and pout to allow you inside with pleasurable friction. Those eyes—there aren’t any planets in the sky because of the pollution but you think you can see their sparkle in them. 

The amazing part is that Yena doesn’t choke. She endlessly takes you in, receiving every inch like a blessed gift, but you don’t hear her wheeze. No sounds of complaints escape her. You have a feeling it’s not because of your cock sliding in and out of it. She only gags on occasion, and those already sound fake. It’s like she’s doing it just so you can get worked up hearing her moans.

While others might be impressed, you’re dumbfounded. She tightens and loosens and pushes and pulls just for your pleasure. 

“Yena, I– you’re doing so good,” you compliment her in gasped breaths.

Her cheeks hollow. The suction strengthens and it now feels like your soul’s being swallowed down her neck. She knows how to tease you with light pandering from her teeth, generous licking, and strengthened swallowing. Her mouth is warm but you are more so. She’s making you feel hot in all these layers, an additional one played by her perfect lips.

Perfect hair, too, you note.

Hungry impulses take over your body and now you’re pumping your core into the girl’s face with the help of her pigtails. Yena’s hair is thick and silky, and it’s another enjoyable factor: feeling how it slips between your fingers and how each pull directs her lips to press firmly to your crotch.

She doesn’t gag with that either. She must have had a lot of experience; she did say she can take hard things fine. That is, if she were human. If not, whoever built her had dirty ideas: the lack of gag reflex surely brings in the five star ratings.

Bright star-like eyes, cute ruinable face, mouth that can take the largest.

Yep, perfect.

“Good—fucking—girl.”

Your cock weeps white. Yena feels the first drop and immediately pulls away. She pumps your shaft with a strong, urgent fist. As she hinted, you blast all over her face. Your orgasm grips you and shakes you like never before, and of course, the little brat enjoys it. She’s nearly laughing.

“There,” says Yena after she drains you. Her duck-like lips are sticky with cum. “Canvas painted.”

What a pretty painting you’ve made. Here, shown to the public, is the manic pixie dream girl, semen on her chin to symbolize how each word she utters has you climaxing; hair disheveled to show your subtle but messy rule over her, because you own her although you weren’t there when her mechanical limbs were assembled and her face drawn; and a smile on her face to show that despite all this: she likes it.

You laugh, short blunt breaths wisping in the air. “There really is something wrong with you, Yena,” you say.

She’s a girl who’s extremely pretty, good at blowjobs, and likes public sex and oral. She can also read minds. Oh, and she might not be real. 

“You could say that again.” She wipes her mouth. “Though I do think I could use a little fixing from you.”

-

You take her home. Your mother would have been disappointed in you if she knew you violated the first law you were ever taught: don’t talk to strangers. Most of all, don’t ever let them in. But Yena is no stranger—like she said, she knows your name and for some reason, you know her own. You’re not strangers. And your mother isn’t around to command you not to kneel for a pretty girl.

This home of yours isn’t fancy, but if people from 2024 saw it, they’d be mesmerized. You’re not rich enough to afford the penthouses the North offers; this one is alright for you. The stories of the building aren’t aligned with each other, separating a few yards with floating floors that defy gravity. That’s right; WAKE12 somehow found a way to disobey the rules of physics. The ends are lit up with bright lights that blind you from miles away. Wide windows encircle the areas along with al frescos and convenient malls. Back then, this would have been classified as the house of the wealthy—you can’t say you agree with the sentiment when you’re not at all rich.

“Hi,” says Yena brightly at the front desk. She’s so smiley, always grinning like she’s just told a really clever joke. “Where’s the elevator?”

“I, uh…” 

The manager looks at her oddly. Your ears redden; she still hasn’t cleaned her face up. Evidence of your deed lies there on her nose and chin and cheeks, even in her perfect hair. 

“Well?”

The manager lifts the phone immediately. Before he could dial a number, Yena sighs loudly. 

“Look.” She silences the telephone with a slam of the device down on the keypad. The man’s hand cringes. “I’m about to fuck this guy’s brains out and I promise your little backup bosses can’t do anything about it.”

He stares at her. 

“I’m gonna use his dick until it’s limp as a balloon, then ride him in bed, then bend over on the kitchen table so he could breed me like a common whore.”

You lift an index finger to apologize, but put it back down. Did she just say you can breed her?

His jaw tenses. The teeth behind those unsmiling thin lips grit, not in annoyance but in fear. Yena’s bouncy and sweet, but apparently she’s excluding people who cockblock from her cute attitude.

“So,” finishes Yena, lowering her gaze, “where is the fucking elevator?”

The elevator has no pulley or doors. It sits at the side of the uneven floors and rises with nothing but a sizable pod. You’ve had to watch your weight to be able to enjoy the freedom from staircases. 

Yena steps on it with no worry. As you look at her, you realize how positively tiny she is. That’s why she isn’t doubtful about fitting in the claustrophobic space. Her violet clothes can slip off at any time at her pull of a waist and slim thighs. All the fullness goes to her cheeks, painted with fake tattooed stars and minimal doodles. 

She’s the kind of girl you could just pick up and do whatever to. You’re the kind of guy who really, really likes the idea.

Holding your hand is a thing of the past. Yena clutches your cock over your jeans as the elevator lifts the two of you up. 

The first thing she does the moment you enter your home is not kiss you, or slam you to the door, or whisper dirty nothings in the hollow of your ear. Yena looks around and says, simply, “Doable.”

You chuckle. You’re not offended. It’s a tidy, minimal apartment with glass that spans a viewing pleasure of the artificial forest and the hills. Glass lost its value but skyrocketed in purchases when Jo Yuri, first activist recorded in the history of WAKE12’s domination, was imprisoned. People compared her name to glass (yuri was 유리 and 유리 meant glass) and since then, it has been used everywhere. High demand, low price. Her symbol and namesake is used the way the public wants her to be used: cheap thing convenient only to the eye. They always said she was too pretty to talk too much.

“Here, doable is the best compliment,” you reply. You go to your bedroom to clean the place. If you want to fuck a rich girl, make sure the bedroom is at least up to her standards. “You have personal maids there in the North?”

Yena continues looking around. She’s mildly fascinated by everything, especially in the big window placed on the ceiling that lets stars peer down at you. For some reason, all the ejaculation on her face is gone. You don’t remember her bringing a washcloth.

“I’m not from the North, you know.”

“You’re not?”

“Nope. I don’t come from anywhere.”

You come out, having cleared your bed from clothes and the floors of trash. You fed the trash to the connected chute that all apartments have, which leads down to the Southern Auster. The word may be Latin and is already defined as south, but there’s places poorer than the part you live in. You’re lucky to be here. The Southern Auster’s where it’s much more dangerous. The people there scavenge for food and money, and their cries go unheard in the night. It’s the biggest criminal capital of the Rogue.

You come out and Yena’s sitting on the kitchen table with a knife.

Stop in your tracks. 

See the blood running down her arm. 

“Oh, don’t worry,” she says dismissively. “It doesn’t hurt.”

You still don’t know what to say. The wound on her skin’s dissolved to a scar that looks more like a scratch on metal. Why would she do that? Why would that do that?

“In fact, I think it’s kind of cool.” Yena slides the blade on the strap of her top. It falls apart, right down to her braless chest. A pink, perky nipple is clear in the moonlight shining from above. “When people see me, they usually want to hurt me, so I might as well do it myself, right? They want to slap me, pull my hair, choke me. They say that and figure I’m totally flattered.”

You want to say that you couldn’t blame them. Yena’s got this innocent but naughty aura about her that you want to completely ruin. There’s her hair, all dolled up and her quirky makeup that brings attention that eventually switches down to the body she doesn’t bother hiding. 

But it looks like she’s doing the ruining. Aren’t those the best stories? Boy corrupts girl when it’s the other way around in reality? 

To use the word “reality” when you’re with Yena is laughable. She can read your mind like a Rogue Times newspaper. You get that things you thought were impossible have a chance of happening in these days, but you don’t remember wounds healing that fast. The knife slices right through the fabric, revealing swoon-worthy curves of her waist and hips, making her bleed only not for too long. Who would want a scar-ridden skinny girl anyway?

“Well,” you say after a dutiful swallow, “are you?”

Yena examines the knife. Her crimson blood dripping from its edge is a worthwhile watch while she considers this. 

She finally puts down the knife, much to your relief. “I don’t know. What about you, handsome? Do you want to hurt me or fuck me?”

“I… I’m not like them. I don’t wanna hit you or make you cry or anything. I want to fuck you, that’s completely different.”

First confession of the night that didn’t need saying when it’s clear. You let her blow you in public. You took her home. The intention is staring you in the face: you want to have sex with a girl you just met. 

Yena smiles. “You’d be surprised how blurred the lines are.”

Yena‘s hands fall on your shoulders and make you  fall to the kitchen chair and make your pants fall on the floor. Falling, falling, falling for her—it’s all you’re able to do provided that she’s stunning. She’s tiny with her thin arms and legs but her breasts are surprisingly supple. The cleavage her top subtly shows off hinted to that and you’re still shocked.

She’s a hot desert, and the only source you can drink of is her core. Her pussy is slick, making her thighs glue together only for them to part as she sits on your lap. 

The first grind has you both breathless. The second renders a duet of moans. She’s so wet that it’s excessive enough for her to drip down your cock and completely cover it with her. Yena’s pussy lips splay and clasp your shaft with slippery friction.

She curses. “You’re so hard. Big, t-too.” She aims your cockhead at her clit and sighs at the toe-curling pleasure. “You think you can fit in me?”

“I guess we’ll have to see.”

Yena smirks. She continues soaking you with her wetness. Her juices pour from your head to your balls. Then, without warning, she sheathes your rod inside her. 

You gasp. It’s so easy to slip yourself in and all too difficult to cope with how tight she is. Her walls, perfectly textured and sloppy, trap you and let you out, giving you false hope of escaping, only to imprison you again. It’s the best punishment you ever had. 

Her throat was already better than the other cunts you’ve spent yourself in, so what does that make her pussy?

The best. Her overflowing waterfall lets her ride you easily. It seems like there’s a million spots inside her you can target for she quivers and cries with each bounce. Her hair flows photogenically while her chest does the same erotic motion. 

“So fucking good, fuck,” Yena groans. Her round butt lands on your lap and you think you’d like it to stay there forever. Curl your hands around her cheeks. Draw a healthy moan from the throat you used.

Yena’s pussy curves and opens in every best way. She makes it so easy to mold her into the shape of your cock, to rearrange her insides. Was she made for dick? She’s so wet that you’d think she’s a nymphomaniac who won’t let you go, the same way her vagina won’t let you go as its grip curls around you and threatens to milk you to your wits’ end.

You wouldn’t mind that.

Her riding accelerates to an unbearable point the moment you start to spank her. She’s right about hurting and having sex being almost the same—you want to leave red handprints all over her jiggling ass. You want to pull her hair until she screams. You want to fuck this perfect cunt of hers right up to when she’s creaming all over you, flooding your sexes with her naturla nectar.

And the crazy thing is: she’ll actually let you.

“Fucking brat,” you say, hitting her butt again. She yelps coquettishly. “Are you really this thirsty for cock?”

“God, yes…” Her head throws back. Yena’s eyes shut and although her vision is blocked she sees stars. “Wanted to know how your dick would split me open. Fuck, keep doing that!”

Her core tightens with each blow you expel on her bouncing ass. Her hole’s already so enclosed so when she squeezes more, it’s close to having your cock tortured. You’re suffocating inside her.  You’re waterboarded again and again with her waterfall of wetness. 

You guide Yena’s motions with your hands on her behind. She’s so light that you’re practically using her as a doll, fucking her on your erection and letting yourself enjoy how her tits recoil. Her moans turn on a part of your brain that you don’t know, but it transmits to you these thoughts: fuck her senseless.

You raise her as high as you can, her weight nothing even to your long-untrained muscles, then slam her down. She sinks deeper into your lap and takes longer inches. Yena’s screams bounce off the soundproof walls that ensure only you can hear them. Those walls were fucking expensive, so of course you gotta let them have purpose. Slap Yena’s thighs down on yours and let her pussy envelop you right up to the point of bruises appearing on your skin.

How does she not sweat? Your hands wander all over her tight body and still you don’t find a drop of sweat. Her pigtails are still secured. You guess she was just made to be eternally pretty. 

She is pretty, under any circumstance—her smooth skin possesses zero blemishes and her winged eyes remain lamp-bright. She’s pretty, even when she lets out the pitchiest sounds, even when Yena’s lips rise into a devilish smile before sealing on your neck. She nibbles on your skin and rakes up your sensitivity. 

“Holy shit, Yena…”

“Yeah, that’s right.” She licks behind your ear and you nearly lose it. Maybe you already did. “Say my name. Because I’m all yours. This pussy is yours to use and abuse, so do it.”

Rub her tiny pulsing clit. Yena’s cries deafen you. If that’s not enough, she drowns you with her cum. There’s no raft to save you. You’re all alone. You’ll drown here and never see the light of day again.

Electricity runs through her body as the pleasure ramps up. Her fingers weaken on your shoulders. Her gasps are split off by larger, more surprised evolutions. Yena’s close.

“Fuck, no, I can’t!” Yena’s riding is furious and borderline abusive. The noises between your two crotches are louder than before. 

“You can,” you insist. You throb inside her while her pussy becomes smaller despite the many thrusts you perform. “Take it like a good girl, Yena.”

“Fuck me, use me, I’m just your cute little helpless girl, fuck me!”

She couldn’t be more correct. She’s just a useless doll, thin and adorable and tight—so why not use her like one?

You’re surprised your limbs have any power in them, but they impress as you lift Yena up. During your walk to the counter, you don’t stop thrusting in her. She’s wet and ready, just waiting and begging for it to happen. Her pretty face is smudged with tears. There’s sick satisfaction in you from seeing how the confident girl at the bar is now just a fuckhole to use. 

“Oh, oh, ah!” Cute little whines come out from those lips. Her mouth used its power to pick you up, make you cum, make you scared. In this second, all that is gone: she’ll only ever use it to wail in pleasure.

Knock her against the kitchen counter. Her thighs press to the curve. You spread them open and continue spending yourself to death in her. Her sides that slant to make the physique you love are perfect handles to thrust. 

You’re completely soaked, but she’s completely defiled. The dream girl is not just any dream but a wet dream. She’s the fantasy you never had but will constantly think of now. And you don’t care if WAKE12 knows you’re fucking her. They can read all the thoughts you have about Yena as much as they like, and you wouldn’t care.

Instead of giving a fuck, you twist her around, her smooth back in front of you, and fuck her harder while you’re at it. Admire the way your hips slap her ass and give her the spanking she deserves. One spank, that’s for being so tempting. Another for the price of her promiscuity. Three one-after-the-other’s because she’s too wild, too free for a girl with that face.

“God, please, harder!” Yena cries. “Make me your little cocksleeve cumslut!”

She does not take pain to heart, physically and mentally. In spite of your rapid pumps and the slap of your stomach to her bent and ready ass, no bruises or scratches appear on her skin. You say all these degrading words and rather than mope about it, she gets more turned on. She forces you to give all your might in railing her in this apartment where the open windows give you away rather than the sounds. And you’re nodding along, saying:

“Of course.”

Of course you’ll grab her tits and pinch their nipples as hard as you can. Yena’s skin might not be humanly warm but these boobs are real. They’re soft in your palms and plentiful. Is she a masochist? You tweak and slap and squeeze; in response, she’s… smiling?

Of course you’ll slip your touch all over her body. Appreciate every perfect curve, every fine fullness. After fondling her tits, you slide your hands over her smooth pits, then to her arms that struggle to remain stable. She’s sensitive all over; it’s evident in the way she babbles each time you caress her. 

Of course you’ll take her hair and pull as hard as you can. She won’t get mad. Nothing ever gets to the cool girl.

“Oh my god!” Yena shouts. 

Those pigtails are there for a reason. Thrusts become easier to do with her hair curled in between your digits. Her ass meets your crotch easily and you find yourself excavating her cavern, hitting her in all the good places. Yena hums and screeches and sobs. 

“Bad girl.” Her hair plays the role of your reins. They’re convenient in spreading Yena apart with your shaft, tearing at her tightness. “You’re nothing but a filthy cocksucking slut.”

“M-mhm, yes, just for you, just for this perfect dick, ahh! I’m cumming!” 

Yena’s core flexes and contracts. It holds you like it never wants you to go but you let go anyway. You can do nothing besides that especially if it’s her, someone who’s so cute but so seductive, so challenging but submissive. Each part of her—those blowjob lips, her blooming face, her cockiness—makes you wish this could never end.

The first sign of the end of this pornographic one-reeler is your semen raining inside her, setting a storm in her guts. You pant, legs weak, while Yena’s seem to go on forever although she’s smaller than you.

The second sign is the mess she made. Those aforementioned desirable legs are painted by obscenity. She squirted all over your floor and herself. Your cum coats her vulva plus spills down freely.

Yena looking back at you with a tired smile is the last one, along with her asking, through shattered breaths, “Better than your whore ex?”

Because that’s the thing about girls like Yena. They’ll do everything to please you. Perhaps she’s a good dresser, but really, this is your style, not hers. This type of fashion is what you like on women: modestly revealing. Girls like Yena will give you everything, make you discover yourself, and when all this happens, she’ll remain the thoughtless, forgiving girl. She won’t complain about things that will set you off and say coy, clever things, the kind men like to hear.

All just to be better.

She is.

“Yeah.”

Yena chuckles. For a moment, she looks like the sweetest girl in the world. The happiness overtakes her face and makes her smile reach her ears. 

It disappears as fast as it arrived.

“Wrong fucking answer.”

Alarm sounds of every kind—natural disaster, fire, robbery, whistles—blare in your head. You can’t hear anything except the thin screeches of emergency. But for what?

Yena loses her brightness. Everything that made her shine shuts down. She smiles, that same one full of mischief, before she breaks, too. Her eyes turn pitch black, the ones you see in crows, the sign of bad luck. She disassembles part by part before you. The light girl is suddenly so heavy that she forces you down. Suddenly, her torso above yours feels colder than before. 

What the fuck? 

Escape is your first instinct. You push the remains of the girl away. Your feet kick the broken parts as if you’d break, too. You brush past the fringe of her bangs. Below it, no diamond scar rests on her forehead.

Stare down at her. Yena truly is not real. Your manic robotic dream girl is dead. She was never alive. 

“You have been found guilty,” says the implant. You used to hear it when WAKE12 arrested people and now it talks to arrest you. The alarms are loud but you understand every fragment. 

The implant’s emotionless voice now sounds a lot like—

“Chaewon?” 

Bad luck comes just like the consequences of the law, personified by stilettos clicking on your floor, a shadow in the moonlight, and the face of the woman you swear you never wanted to see again.

And yet here she is.

Chaewon looks so much like Yena. Yena looks so much like Chaewon. Their chins, their eyes, their bangs—who is who? Their faces mingle and mix in your vision. You think you’re going crazy.

She puts away a remote control and places her hands on her hips. Her black bodysuit is all you see as she approaches. Her smiling lips don’t utter a word. You hear her voice, all in your head.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything and everything you do shall be punished by WAKE12 accordingly. This is the price you pay for your crime.”

There’s a gun in front of you. It’s aimed at your chest, determined to crush what keeps it beating. Raise your hands, but not in surrender. You’ll die before you try to be Chaewon’s toy again.

“What crime? Being your ex-boyfriend?” you spit. This has got to be a joke. “Chaewon, I said, what crime?”

She can’t abuse her authority. She couldn’t have done all that just to get back at you. And for what? Being a bad boyfriend when you were younger and dumber?

You hear her speak. That striking smile looks more terrifying than beautiful. It dissolves into darkness to pronounce your wrongdoing. 

“For the crime of fucking existing,” she snarls.

You hate Chaewon. You swore you never did yet now you do wholeheartedly. You tried to love her and reciprocate her efforts. She’s a busy woman so she should have understood you had other commitments.

This is the last time you ever want to hear from her. 

A bullet you don’t see coming. It soars in the wind and finds its home sweet home in your skull.

She’s the last thing you ever heard.

#kpop smut #smut #kpop fanfic #fanfic #kpop fanfiction #fanfiction #girl group smut #female idol smut #izone smut #soloist smut #choi yena smut #yena smut #izone yena smut #male reader #x reader #reader insert #idol x reader #idol x male reader #kpop x reader #kpop x male reader #pov smut #kofimission #commission #iz days of christmas #iz days of christmas 2023 #iz days of christmas 2023 day 4

[not-quite-normal]

Hey there, industry 3D animator here (television in vancouver)- you mentioned being on projects you didn't care about, how did you muscle through them?

hi fellow vancouver animator! if you're currently on a project that you don't care for then i'm very sorry, i know how exhausting it can be. especially if you feel like you don't have any other options. i've worked on a lot of projects, both tv and feature, that i didn't care for at varying degrees and it's never easy to make your way through them if you don't enjoy what you're doing. at one point it got so bad for me that i questioned if animation was even something that i wanted to continue doing because i was just churning out animation for a preschool show (which a lot of people enjoy and is very legit and stable work! it just wasn't for me). i ended up taking extra long lunch breaks and afternoon walks every day just to Not Work lol. it can be very tough. that was the only job i ever quit. luckily the next project i moved to reignited the animation fire in me and reminded me why i enjoy it

a few pieces of advice come to mind

make sure you take time for You. i know a lot of vancouver studios don't pay overtime; if they're not paying you then you don't owe them your time. decide what you have to do to make your work Good Enough to get you through your day and go home at 6

touch grass, and i mean this in a very genuine way lol. go for walks, explore new places, but mostly just get away from screens for a bit haha

keep your job options open. apply for jobs that start before your contract is up because you can leave that contract at any time, it's okay, you won't get blacklisted for it (as long as you give them two weeks notice). if it sucks, hit da bricks

if you have the means, try to work on saving up some money to take time off between projects. i know i'm speaking from a place of privilege on this one, but a couple months off can cure any level of burnout

work on your own personal projects! this can be hard to do if you're creatively burnt out though, i had to stop animating in my free time because animation was already taking up too much of my creative energy at work. i started doing a lot of writing while working on atsv and it was very refreshing to focus on something that was still creative but a completely different skill from animation

try to find the opportunity to learn something. even on projects that i didn't like, i still got something out of them. make your workflow more efficient by thinking about where you spend the most time and how you can make it faster (posing hands? create a hand pose library. counter animating the arms/head/spine? play with the rotation parenting on the rig. need a camera to do a big smooth sweeping arc? use a pivot point). think about common notes that you're given and set your scenes up that'll be easier to change if you get those notes. bonus, this will help you with #1 on this list and being a faster animator is always highly valued, even in feature anim where quota is sometimes one shot per... month

#asks #anonymous #animation question #i hope that helps anon #keep goin it always gets better #there's always new and cool things being worked on in vancouver

[finlaena]

TennoGen Concept: Titania Netrafae 2.0

Updated version of my previous TennoGen concept; this is being done in collaboration with the inimitable BlazingCobalt, a fellow Community Creator and an amazing TennoGen artist.

This is updated with some of Cobalt's suggested changes to the wings, as well as a suggestion from Vulbjorn to put obols on the ribbons.

For those just now seeing this, when DE opened up TennoGen to the Entrati faction earlier this year, I knew right away I had to design a Necramech-themed skin for Titania. Been wanting to do one for years (for reasons that are incredibly obvious to those who've followed my fanwork over the last 3 1/2 years) and the stars aligned just enough for Cobalt to offer to take up the 3D portion, which is an incredible honor and privilege as I love their TennoGen items (Wisp Coven!!!) a whole lot.

Cobalt is currently working on the 3D model, so this is considered the "final" pass for the 2D design phase for now. Please keep an eye out on their Steam Workshop page for the final result for voting. :>

Not gonna lie, I will probably cry big time seeing this realized in 3D, even if it never makes it into the game lmao.

#warframe #warframe fanart #warframe titania #tennogen

[unicornjoking1111]

POWER (the nine fundamental aspects)

(Appearance,money,personality,social group/connections,physical health,mental health,popularity/fame,education,rich parents)

The information i am about to share with you is based on my views and its up-to you to whether take it in or not.

I know its irrelevant to talk about these things in this loa/void community but idk i felt like posting it PLUS i moslty have followers from this community (this is based on 3d as it has nothing to do with loa/void)

These things are there in "real" life and we are aware of it.. but i wish someone have told me these things

The things i am gonna share with you might hurt to some since i am gonna share you the "reality" of life

Please excuse me for my bad english...

In this fundamental aspects if you have more than 2 or 3 you have reached your goal in achieving your power

This post is like an introduction but i will add only about the topic appearance here and will be making new posts about other stuff

1) Appearance

I think pretty privilege is the right word for it! we have seen on social media that appearance has a huge role in making our life more easier and get away with things much easier and faster!

Appearance also correlates with other fundamental aspects such as social group/connections,money,popularity/fame and personality

In the topic of power appearance is one of the top 3!

pretty privilege as google says "a concept used to examine the economic, social, and political advantages or benefits that are made to both men and women solely based on their physical appearance."

when your pretty life gets easier! u will have more friends, people will treat you better,people will start to respect you and think you in a positive light which leads to greater social connections, even marry a rich guy/girl,brings you fame,get away with anything even if you did something wrong (please don't take advantage of your pretty privilege :D)

being pretty does not bring you genuine connection as there are disadvantages of its own!

pretty is subjective due to the cultural aspects of what is deemed attractive in society!

in terms of 2000's the beauty standard is skinny and blond but now we are in 2024 the beauty standard has changed in terms of accepting other aspects of beauty and the skinny and blond still remains beautiful up to this point!

is it unfair to keep this "beauty" standard? yes

is it necessary to change our self to fit into the standard? no

you can choose what you want to look like and how you want to look like there is nothing like i have be this to be accepted

dont be delusional into thinking "i love the way i am" when your really not! its like forcing yourself to like something which you actually dont like

beauty is real and we are humans after all! we choose this because that's what is pleasing to the eye

you can change how you look like! its not like you will be stuck with the way you are forever and our human body is always changing! so do what you gotta do! give it some love and don't be harsh with it!

you want to use your pretty privilege by becoming a model,social media influencer,be a pretty wife etc... do it! (mind you there will be negatives of its own)

The Standard

ok this part of the section is gonna be really sensitive and not a lot of people talk about this.. i dont even wanna express my views here cause this is the reality i faced... idk if yall bash me for it but atleast there gotta be someone who has to be honest..

Skinny

so.. being skinny gives you privilege! let me tell you why! i am a skinny person myself and my parents tell me to eat more cause i am "skinny" but the truth is being skinny is a privilege and a standard! i know a friend of mine who is so beautiful and her body is goals! but she told me she is fat and want to be skinny.. it makes me sad that someone so beautiful wants to be skinny.. its really hard but its the truth! even models and the social media influencers are skinny and it is accepted.. i get complimented by people who tells me that they want to be skinny like me.. it was a shock!

if i tell this to anyone who are not skinny they look at me with a weird face saying "you dont know how its like being fat and no one wants that except if you have big private part that's why people compliment you for being skinny". i am sorry for the people who calls themselves fat i just hate it man...

colurism

godddd! if your an asian i am so sorry! but a lot of Asians might relate to this one! its about being "white".

yes us Asians are so obsessed with white skin tone but the more shocking part is western people wants to be tan!!!!

idk bro i am so shocked i have no words honestly! for gods sake we are in 2024 and this colurism part sucks!!! like sucks sucks -.-

colurism is the part which hit me like bomb and ruined my childhood! i had black skin tone but i had to force myself to get rid of my shade and i did.. i went from black to white brown kinda combo... i had a lot of trauma with it.. my mom who used to beat me more for my appearance loves me now when i changed my color and now more "beautiful" to my mothers eye... this is one of the disgusting things i had to face when deep down i am hurt to the core..

but somehow being white is like the safe zone and an advantage apart from the tan or black color.. i think in 2024 people start to notice brownish or tan color to be attractive and more accepted.. but the black skin tone is never accepted and no change unless you have features (featurism such as eyes,nose etc..) which are considered attractive and accepted.. so the only way for people with black skin tone to get away with things is to have features which are accepted which sucks!!! i mean not only for black even for brownish/tan skintone.. idk about for people who have white skin tone.. i think you can have any features u want if your skinny..

i hate to write this part cause i am disgusted!!! i hate it so much but this is the privilege and this is the reality we are living in...

featurism

idk a lot about features and what is the standard nowadays.. i think having a small nose and plumpy lips are attractive..? idk man..

i think people with normal features are considered a pretty privilege..? like for example if you have (eye misalignment or anything which stands apart.?) its most likely not accepted as far as i have seen in real life but in modeling industry u can get away with it as they want unique features.

ya the "normal" features are considered beautiful? not much educated in this matter.

Final

yes this is the final part.. i think i have given you much awareness of whats considered a pretty privilege? choose what you want to do.. but i beg you to be gentle and don't be harsh with yourself.. change is ok but you need to have your own permission to allow to change and that's the first priority if you want to gain pretty privilege!

if you want.. i can tell you tips for a good self care routine (comment down if you want)? comment down on your views on this! negatives or positives its accepted.

#neville goddard #loa success #loa #manifestation #the void state #void success #void state #law of assumption #power #real world #society

[lynxiesblog]

hi! i've been listening to subliminals for maybe 2ish years, and I learned about the law of assumption a little bit ago. I have that mindset of whatever I'm manifesting is mine, apart from the occasional stray thoughts, and I see people seeing subliminal results take as long as you think they will but sometimes I feel like I've never gotten any results at all or if I have they've gone away. Especially when it comes to appearance subs I feel like I haven't gotten any results in the time I've been listening to them. Sorry for the rant but if I could get any insight I would rlly appreciate it! <3

No need to apologize my luv :) ♡

I definitely know what you’re talking about — I kinda had the same experience especially when I started manifesting my desired body. I would see the results then after a while they would go away. Before everything you need to convince yourself that your results are permanent no MATTER what, because they literally are. There’s no question about it.

Some tips that’s really helped me :

˚ . ˚✧ Flat out ignoring the fact that I’m manifesting x physical aspect about myself (in my case, it was my body);

some people say whenever you’re manifesting a physical change you shouldn’t focus too much on what you’re seeing in the 3D, but let’s be honest it’s kinda impossible not to😭 . soo, what I did was instead of having a negative reaction towards what the 3D is showing me I would affirm while looking in the mirror saying “omg when did my waist get so small” or “why have my hips gotten so wide all of sudden???” while looking at my body and “acting” as if I was genuinely surprised.

˚ . ˚✧ Affirming as I am falling asleep — I am being so honest if you are “lacking results” literally listen to one subliminal overnight, I say one because you don’t want to oversaturate your brain especially if you’re trying to manifest something new.

++ while I would be falling asleep I would repeat each affirmation 5 times. E.g let’s say I want to have a smaller nose I would affirm :

“I already have a small/ button/ ski slope nose”

“It is an objective fact that i have a small/ button/ ski slope nose”

“I truly know that i have a small/ button/ ski slope nose”

“I can go on with life now, as i know that i already have a small/ button/ ski slope nose.”

“My manifestations are done.”

“I feel all of the joys and sensations of having a small/ button/ ski slope nose immediately.”

“The 3D physical world is simply an illusion and doesn´t determine what’s real. I already and truly have a small/ button/ ski slope nose.”

While affirming, you really have to ACT as if you already have your desire. This method works the fastest in my opinion and for me personally, so I am constantly recommending it ♡

˚ . ˚✧ Changing sub makers / making my own subs — there are many famous sub makers that others get results from that I have never gotten results from or when I did they went away same thing as you. And that is completely fine I would recommend you take out the subliminals that you think don’t work for you and replace them with others <3

Some sub makers that work very well for me are :

Aiko’s potion (to be more specific her symmetrical face sub, princess peach lips sub & body sub) — she’s literally the ONLY sub maker than I got results from when using her symmetrical face sub. I got my results pretty much instantly 😭😭

Kestiny — I just started using her subliminal but they work so so well . Especially her feline eyes sub, friends sub, confidence sub; they are all 10/10’s

I want it, I go it — her pretty privileged sub worked INSTANTLY

Raemi — the clear skin sub worked overnight for me no joke😭

Those are the main people I have in my current playlist and I’ve been getting constant results so you should definitely check them out <3

˚ . ˚✧ TAKE PICTURES OF BEFORE AND AFTER — I cannot stress this enough you won’t notice any changes unless you compare old pictures to recent ones. You don’t have to do this with everything you’re manifesting but with things such as your eyes, nose, jaw, eyebrows, whatever it may be you should definitely take pictures and kinda try to forget about them for a while then taking a new one after couple of days (or even weeks) and compare them. (Try taking the pictures in the same lighting & angle so that you’ll be able to see the difference clearly)

˚ . ˚✧ if you speak a different language (in my case French & Spanish) — you should try making your own subliminals in that language it speeds up your results by a lot :)

I wrote so much I am so sorry😭, I truly hope this helps you. Im always free for you to dm me if you want me to expand more on a point or share my playlist 💕.

#111111 #affirmations #law of assumption #loa #manifestation #subliminals #self concept #spirituality #subliminal results #kitties #advice #success story #scientific method #manifesting #loassumption

[stateswscarlet]

i want to manifest my desired face whenever i dont see a movement i go crazy and the cycle starts again, i just wanna get my df but im tired of this cycle i always go back and nothing happens, i feel like all that thing is waste of time but at the same time ik its true cuz i've manifested a lot of things. but whenever it comes to my df i cant stop wanting it and after fulfilling myself i feel like it's done, but after 10 mins it happens again. i start to get mad at 3d again and its just so .. i cried becaus i want my df and 3d makes me crazy. i feel like nothing happens im so desperate i dont wanna read 823823 loa posts anymore i just want to be pretty as like others. i hate that feeling of 'trying so hard' hope u answer

<3

this genuinely makes my heart hurt :(

this is what i told another anon:

“unrelated, idk what youre desiring to change about your face but make sure you’re approaching it from love and not hating/disliking your current self. it makes me so sad whenever people tell me theyre manifesting a whole new face thinking itll make them happy, prettier, attention from people, etc and it wont at all. changes starts within and you are more than worthy of being just the way you are and treating yourself with love and compassion.”

please understand that “getting” a physical change will never ever ever ever take away your insecurities or make you happier, fulfilled, nor will it make you feel pretty from the inside. literally look at all the supermodels and stars who are drop dead gorgeous who we pine after who are incredibly insecure and are constantly hyperaware of their insecurities and flaws.

PLEASE i beg you the best thing you can do for yourself is practice self love RIGHT NOW the way you are. stop waiting for some ideal face before you chose to love yourself, as that day will never come. you will find more and more reasons to feel insecure and upset at the 3D and be running in an endless cycle “manifesting” things to change but you’ll never be satisfied.

you need to remove your dependence from the 3D/outer world by understanding it can never give you anything. go within and instead of focusing so much on your face changing focus instead on the feelings of being secure, safe, etc regardless. stop chasing shallow things like pretty privilege and attention and anything else you THINK your df will give you (spoiler: it wont give you any of that).

coming from someone who isn’t conventionally attractive and used to hate herself and her looks, it is SO important to love yourself and accept yourself the way you are first before expecting others to do that. i learned to love myself exactly the way i am. my inner shift changed my attitude and how i viewed myself which led to others reflecting that. i started getting attention, pretty privilege, etc (which now i know are just shallow things) without a single physical change.

i really hope you understand where im coming from anon. its not that you cant have your df, but if youre unable to love yourself right now you wont be able to love yourself with your df bc youll find a million other reasons not to. once you remove this from the pedestal you have it on (thinking itll make you pretty, etc) it will be much easier to focus on the feelings of security and anything else you desire.

[thewakingcloak]

The State of Things Present

this post was available for patrons a week early! please consider supporting me over on patreon!

I kept trying to make this post fancier and better and more engaging, and then I realized I was doing that thing where I make myself too overwhelmed to actually finish and post it. The other thing was I kept gunning for a once-a-week posting, and uh… yeah that's not sustainable. So here we go!

The Ghost of Spacefarer Present appears before you He whispers, very quietly, yet in a voice that resonates: "Time to resurrect the Spacefarer"

Ok so the spacefarer (me??) was very tired, but he's awake now and doing things!

Life status

We moved! My wife and kids and I packed up and headed some miles south of our previous house. It was a risk for sure. We didn't know how things would pan out. We really needed to get away from our old environment, our old town, our old house. We loved that house, and we'd said so to each other many times even as we were halfheartedly searching for a new one. But at some point that house had become too burdened with bad memories and traumas, not to mention that after the pandemic, we had no more real roots there. Everyone had moved away, the communities we were involved with had disbanded or changed. And anyway, my wife would be starting a new teaching job down south.

We were fortunate enough to find a new house we loved, and fortunate enough to be in a position where we could actually make the move. I'm aware this is a privilege, given the economy and the market, and so I can only express my thankfulness and consider it a blessing, especially as we healed through our grief.

I have an improved office now! This is where I work on my day job (software/web dev) and my unday job (Studio Spacefarer). With my genetics stacked against me, but also with my desire to be able to keep up with my kids and be there for my family, I collected a standing desk, a walking pad treadmill thing, and an ergonomic keyboard. I'm walking or at least standing most of the day now, which has made a surprising difference already.

I was gonna post a wider view of the office, but my 3yo son ran up while I was taking pictures and started "working" (mashing the keypad), so this is automatically the better pic. Them's the rules.

Anyway, in short, we made it, and it hasn't been a smooth ride the entire time, but it has been well worth it. I've been able to get back into gamedev, which has been a huge boon to my mental health too.

Speaking of… (ghostly drumroll)

Game status!

The good stuff. Here's where I'm at presently with Episode III!

The game is completable from start to end (definitely NOT feature complete)

Jumping, swimming, and dashing all work like a charm and are super fun

Three enemy types have been added, including custom A* pathfinding for the sea monster

Two new collection mechanics (one is heart containers, the other will be a small surprise)

Depth sorting and fake-3D, as mentioned previously, which lets me do lots of fun effects

Day/night are now on a new system, and cave darkness is now a thing (I tried to implement this in PD2 but couldn't figure it out)

Palette swapping for night and lighting effects now uses GameMaker's built in layer effects

Much of the game is now decorated

Updated the game's palette to be more pleasing

Better borderless windowed mode, frame toggling, etc. (I'd made a post about a third party plugin I used to do this previously, but not long after that, GameMaker added an official setting to be toggleable at runtime, so I switched to that… much easier lol)

New audio library which has been a MASSIVE boon (Juju's Vinyl)

New flexible debug/inspector mode which allows me to change values on the fly more easily

State machine rewrite using structs instead of data structures--extremely flexible and less  error-prone (in fact the data structures here were the #1 cause of crashes in Episodes I and II)

Save system rewrite, also using structs instead of data structures (thus fixing the #2 cause of crashes in the first two episodes)

Adjusted the way walls get displayed in interiors--will make a post on this later

Lots and lots and lots and lots of bug fixes

Post end status!

I'm not exactly sure how to wrap this up lol, but y'all can be encouraging me, if you have the emotional space to do so! There's still a lot left to do on PD3, and it can be very daunting at times.

Next post up will be looking forward to the future of Studio Spacefarer. I'm very excited about this! Keep an eye out!

#gamedev #indiedev #the waking cloak #devlog #devblog #game development #protodungeon #gamemaker

[raynedayys2]

Okay sooo Leighton Murray yap session incoming.

Rambling About How Much I Like Her

For starters, I love Leighton. I love her a little bit too much, but she's so silly & I think she deserves her own ramble post.

I really love the growth she went through over the show. She started off as this really nasty rich girl, and now she's a rich girl who knows & understands that she's privileged.

But I also love the little random scenes of her being a good friend & a good person, especially since she at the beginning she acted like she didn't like the girls. For example, her sneaking Kimberly her credit card so Kimberly's mom wouldn't have to pay for dinner. Or the way she did Kimberly's hormone injections, drove her to the procedure, and took care of her for a bit.

I also love that she's not just 2D, and her interests aren't just stereotypical for someone like her. Yes, she likes shopping & rich girl stuff, but she's also into math. (Which I think is cute, especially how she tries to deny it all the time) And her personality still shines through regardless, like making the professor make a big deal out of her being the highest scorer on that test.

Leighton & Alicia

I feel like these two dorks were a cute couple, but I don't know how I feel about them getting back together. Alicia claims to be this big ally of other queer people & she runs the women's center, but she constantly tried to make Leighton come out. Mind you, Leighton has only started exploring WLW relationships in college. She's known that she's liked girls for a while (she admits this when she's in the doctor's office with Kimberly & she says she was scared she was going to come out to her parents after her wisdom teeth removal) but she never "acted" on it until college.

Leighton has always been perceived as a cishet white rich girl. And one of her biggest fears is that coming out was going to other her & being queer was going to be her only personality trait (to others) instead of Alicia comforting her she basically says either come out or break with me.

I completely understand Alicia's concern about being closeted again, but that was no reason for her to treat Leighton like that after she knew she was Leighton's first real relationship. It blows my mind that Kimberly was a better ally to Leighton & she's not even queer. It was Alicia's right to break up with her, but bare minimum, she could've guided Leighton through this & gave her advice. Or she could've explained that being queer didn't have to be her whole personality & Leighton was still a 3D person despite her sexuality. (But I digress)

Leighton & Tatum

I feel like they were a less toxic couple & Leighton's little crush on her was extremely cute. Like the way she specifically went out of her way to play tennis to try to impress her. And I really like how Tatum treated the whole "coming out situation". She reassured Leighton that they could take it slow & validated her feelings. (Which is what Alicia should've done)

I also like that they chose that as an opportunity to show Leighton's growth. She finally stands up for what she thinks is right, and stands by her friends. I think it could've been a good time to have Tatum grow as a person along side Leighton, but they put her back with Alicia so whatever.

Leighton's Flaws

Leighton is like every other character & real person, she has flaws. She has done stupid stuff, but I feel like that doesn't take away from how much she's changed.

Like the first episode, where she berates her old "friends". Obviously, it was her fault they didn't want to room with her, it could've been nice to have her realize that she was the problem in that situation. Or reflect on it later in the season if she ever randomly bumped into them.

They also could've had a moment where she realized money can't fix everything. (Beside the community center thing, because she literally got a girlfriend out of that) Like she gets into trouble, or she tries to help somebody else get out of trouble & they sit her down & tell her that money can't fix everything in the world.

And the way she handled the disease situation sucked. Yes, whoever gave it to her didn't tell her, but she didn't have to do the same to another innocent girl. She definitely should've taken that girl aside, had an open conversation, and still paid for the meds.

#text post #infodump #ramble #rant #tslocg #the sex lives of college girls #leighton murray #lgbtq #wlw #Renee Rapp

[wet-towel-socrates]

Not Worth It

Something about Sebek just gets my blood boiling and guess who let that slip into their maladaptive daydreaming? :) I know that Sebek would never say things to this degree, so this is more of just taking his character to its irredeemable logical conclusion I actually want to like this character since it’s ripe for an amazing character arc plz don’t take away my 3ds privileges

TW: fae/human r*cism, verbal abuse, vague mentions of current world events, angst

Note: Reader insert is referred to as "Yuu" and gn (Feat. Malleus, Sebek, Lilia, and Silver)

Yuu had a very small group of friends that they could actually call their friends. They’ve had various students help them in their fights against the overblots, but the only constants were the Heartslabyul duo and Grim. Perhaps maybe even Malleus.

Malleus was a curious case. He would visit Ramshackle sparingly, but each time he did, Yuu always felt at ease, and in turn so did Malleus. After the events of Vil’s overblot, Malleus felt somewhat conflicted. His true identity was known now to Yuu, so if he visited them again, would they still treat him the same?

A foolish thought, he realized, for Yuu greeted him with the same “hi Hornton” and urged them to continue the previous meeting’s chat about gargoyles. This human, he realized, was one of a kind.

One day, he took Lilia’s advice and invited Yuu to Diasomnia to spend more time together and formally introduce them to his found family. Yuu found themselves getting along with Lilia, Silver, and Sebek, or as much as a human could with Sebek. Yuu and Malleus however were well aware of the piercing glares Sebek shot the human whenever they were within arm distance of each other.

It sometimes felt unbearably uncomfortable for Yuu, but Lilia was the living embodiment of the word “icebreaker.” He always had an idea to pass the time whether it be playing video games, singing karaoke, or sharing stories of his past. It had appeared as though he too began to grow fond of Yuu. Even if he wasn’t, he at least approved the fact that whenever Yuu was around, Malleus seemed so much more open and happy.

Sebek on the other hand swore the human was using some sort of forbidden magic to lure both his masters into Yuu’s clutches. All Yuu had to do was laugh or make a juvenile joke and both Malleus and Lilia would fall deeper into their influence. He knew the human was magicless, but to have this unremarkable human gain the favor of the two most incredible fae Sebek had known must have been due to some illicit acquisition of powerful magic. It’s the only way humans ever manage to get by, he thought.

He quickly made it known to Yuu that although his masters and fellow countrymen welcomed them into Diasomnia, if he had his way, Yuu wouldn’t even be allowed to breathe the same air as he and his masters. 

One by one, his offhand comments burrowed their way deeper and deeper into Yuu, like an archer slowly shooting closer and closer towards the bullseye.

“You brought food for the picnic and you can’t even carry it without breaking a sweat? Just give me the cooler. I keep forgetting how weak and feeble you humans are.”

"Your world doesn’t have mermen or fae OR beastmen? Yet you all fight over your own perceived differences? How strange. I see you as all the same. I guess that explains your kind’s shared despotic tendencies."

"Your world has weapons of that destructive level without magic? I find that hard to believe! You apemen are so weak and brainless, it's a wonder how your kind has managed to keep up with the superior races of the world."

And after each comment, even in the company of his peers, no one bothered correcting him as his remarks grew more and more outlandishly bigotted. Even when Silver was included in his speeches, the white haired boy stoically remained silent. Lilia had made it a point to make sure Yuu was comfortable and welcomed with open arms, yet each time Sebek used a variation of an ape based slur, which Yuu had found out were actual slurs used against humans in Briar Valley, Lilia smiled and carried on the conversation as if nothing happened. 

Malleus once again invited Yuu back to Diasomnia for music night.

Yuu felt like they were going insane. Did no one just care? Or did they all feel the same way about humans? It was like they were being gaslit into thinking that Sebek wasn't saying the most hateful, racist things to their face.

.

.

"It's something the four of us decided to do one night when Lilia strangely enough was feeling homesick. We would listen to songs that reminded us of home or share music that we personally liked. I think if you came, we could learn much about each other's cultures, don't you think?"

Yuu was charmed by the idea and agreed to go. They wondered what kind of music Malleus liked or if he played any instruments. Or how about Silver? Did he like calm music that helped him sleep? Lilia was anyways an oddball, so perhaps he will have the most eccentric taste. Sebek though…

Sebek…

…

Yuu felt their curiosity vanish and a hollow pit started to form in their chest.

.

.

On music night, Yuu sat comfortably on the couch next to Malleus, laughing and smiling whenever Malleus spoke to them. Malleus had those same reactions, Sebek noticed. However, there was nothing he could do to stop them from acting this way, not until he saw Yuu lightly elbow the fae prince after making an immature joke.

“KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF THE YOUNG MASTER!” Sebek swiftly grabbed ahold of Yuu’s blazer and slung them off the couch, causing them to hit their hip against the corner of the table in front of them. 

“Ah fuck!” Yuu winced and cradled their hips.

Malleus leaned forward with his hand outstretched and asked, “are you okay, Child of Man?”

“Young Master! You must stay away from them! Lest they defile you with their foul language!” Sebek stood between Malleus and Yuu, glaring down at the human.

Lilia spoke sternly, “Sebek, why don’t you sit down?”

Yuu glowered at Sebek, their patience finally running thin. “Yeah Sebek, why don’t you relax before you do something stupid.”

“THE AUDACITY! You think you can lay your filthy hands on the young master?! You are sorely mistaken! I think it’s time you took your leave, for we have nothing to gain from you here! The last thing we need is some lame chimp sullening these walls with your primitive and debaucherous music!”

Yuu stood back up and leaned towards Sebek, “excuse me?”

“Aren’t humans derived from monkeys?” Sebek smirked with pride, “how about you do everyone a favor and wander into the jungle back where you belong!”

“Sebek!” Silver finally called. “That’s enough!”

It was too late as Yuu merely stared at Sebek and with a single deep breath answered, “Fine. This was never going to work out anyway.” Yuu sent Sebek one last glare before they stomped away towards the dorm entrance.

“Halt, please!” Malleus teleported in front of Yuu. “Please excuse his behav-”

“No Malleus! I will not! I can’t take his racist tirades anymore! I don’t care if you think this is normal for you, but I’m not going to subject myself to his abuse just so I can spend time with you!”

Malleus blinked, “what are you saying then?”

Yuu shook their head in defeat, “You and I are just not meant to be. There is so much hatred and bigotry in my world, and I thought that maybe, just maybe… I wouldn’t have to deal with it here Twisted Wonderland—at least in the way I do back home. But I can’t even have that!” Malleus looked at Yuu solemnly, letting them continue. “And what you and I have just isn’t worth my mental well-being. As long as Sebek is watching over you, I can’t hang out with you anymore. I’m sorry.”

Yuu ran past a stupefied Malleus and out the heavy doors. It took all their self control to not cry while they ran down the stone path away from the dorm.

As Yuu made haste, they felt a cold breeze graze their neck and the sky darken as dark billowing clouds appeared over the dorm and thunder roared in the distance.

#twisted wonderland #twst yuu #twst #sebek zigvolt #malleus draconia #lilia vanrouge #silver twisted wonderland #angst #read at your own risk

[grogar]

disciplinary meeting

audio/inspiration: https://twitter.com/DomStudio/status/1638967720107450368?lang=en

#meme #my stuff #take away 3d privilege #toontown corporate clash #scapegoat #kilo kidd #prester virgil #witch hunter #shitpost

[smiggles]

Hi Smi! What was it like starting up Daitens? Did you set out to create a charity based species, or did the concept just move towards that over time from adoptables or something? And was there ever a time you were unsure about it working out as a community based thing?

- 🍂🌾

OH This is a fun question haha Originally Daitens were just for me, they were a monsterous kaiju species that I was playing around with

More under the cut

The charity aspect came much later after they were created but shortly after they become a public closed species. For me personally, I feel a great deal of guilt taking peoples money for make your owns because I dont really feel like Im doing anything to deserve?? that money. But I want to be clear that it is a privilege for me to be in a spot where Im able to do that. Almost all closed species are "free to participate" communities. The staff team create events, 2d/3d assets, moderate small-large communities, create masterlists, grade/process event or prompt entries, process MYO entries, et cetera et cetera for free in their own volunteered time. Typically on top of a regular day job or school And generally people buying MYO's helps support that community financially so it can continue to run. What im saying is, charging for myo's is not a bad thing. if you want a species to survive its pretty important. Adopts are still work and can only help so much There was certainly a time I almost gave Daits away because I was struggling to pay rent and felt they deserved someone who could run them. But. I dont think I'll ever do that now. Running a community based closed species is fuckinnnnng hard It is fucking hard lol. To know how to balance it fairly, to manage your time, to moderate an entire community in several hubs, to keep it engaging and fun without feeling like work for members to play with their Daits. Etc Its worth it

#smigglesask #daitens

[gandalfbignaturals]

when the mommy dom threatens to take away your 3ds privileges to make fun of you but u get real life scared

[conceptsformyowner]

💞The two sides of our D/s

This week, I’ve found myself being used and handled around apparently more times than I was able to count! I feel more and more like their free-use bondage captive toy every day. And yes I’ll keep adding adjectives, adjectives are hot.

This week my Owner has…

…stuck their finger(s) in my mouth and either make me suck them or simply press down on my tongue and see how far down my throat they can reach, or both, at least 3 times.

…kissed me, thrown me at a wall, continue kissing me, pulled me away and then thrown me back at the wall; sometimes also turning me around the second time and pushing me from behind, pressing my face and body against it; at least twice. Once also grabbing my wrists and forcing them up in front of me and then down behind my head, pulling and making me effortlessly helpless and exposed to be used.

…made me kneel next to bed, blindfolded, legs bound, and with mittens on my hands, and pulled my head onto their crotch and fucked my face, at least twice.

…surprised me by tightening my nightly restraints to the point of no escape, leaving me completely helpless and waiting to whenever they wanted to release me, at least twice.

And this week, my Owner has also…

…accompanied me to the hospital to check on something that, wasn’t actually serious in the end, but had me worried.

…taken up some more work around the house since because of that annoying health thing I’ve been feeling very not great and doing things is harder.

…helped me on my job search, helping me make a flyer for publicizing my 3D Art lessons and helped me pick a CV template.

…given me treats when I feel bad, allowing for things that they wouldn’t usually in order to make things easier for me in this hard time. bonus: yesterday, giving me some extra food when I should’ve only gotten scraps, but before allowing me to eat, grasping my hair, pulling my head back, and sternly reminding me while looking at me from above: ‘Remember that this is a privilege, because you’re feeling bad, got it?’ and instantly making me fall into the warm and incredible embrace of feeling subby and like I’m just their extremely lucky captive toy.

This is it. This is what it’s like.

They use me, restrain me, hit my butt with a hard shiny wooden paddle with increasing strength, stick their hand in my mouth, stick my face in their crotch, hit me, chain me up, lock me up. They forbid me from using furniture, using my hands when eating, using hot water when showering, walking freely when outdoors, moving freely when indoors, wearing clothes when indoors, choosing my clothes when outdoors. They control my food, my starvation, my pleasure, my suffering, my temperature.

And they also give me tasty treats, chocolates, fruit, cookies, ice cream. They help me do things that are hard for me, they go accompany me to doctors appointments, they make sure I take my medication, that I’m well hydrated, that I’m doing the things I want to do with my life. They help me with my art and with my work. They support me, they watch movies and shows with me and stay up late talking about them with me.

They worry about harming me, about what they say, about being good enough. And so do I worry about being good enough every day, and about asking too much of them, while they also worry about asking too much of me.

Our dynamic makes it all work. Makes us live the lifes we want, both in a kinky sense and in a not kinky sense. It helps us focus on being ok. It makes us happy, it certainly makes me very happy.

Public Toy #journal 28

#text #journal

[spikeinthepunch]

i have no plans to talk about the Emotional side of this, but the many weeks i have spent with a neuropsych trying to pin down the specifics of my cognitive issues has certainly been interesting, and im gonna detail that below. its made me really realize that alongside my issues, that there is so little understanding in society about the extent of "learning disabilities". even everyone here, every person who sits with the ADHD and autism labels and knows its probably part of their learning issues- the fact that there is probably so much more to it than you can even realize. and most people wont ever have the knowledge of depth to see that, or the proof of tests to see that.

i deeply wish getting this kind of testing but its insanely expensive. like, way WAY expensive. and its super important to get a good doctor for this (any Californians, i would gladly name the guy i am seeing!) but its not accessible at all (this series of tests take like, 6+ weeks but more for me bc i am more than just Learning tests. i am on week 10), which is obviously the main problem. hardly anyone i know will be able to get with kind of depth on Why they struggle. i am in a very privileged position to get to do this. its not bad to sit with labels like ADHD, or just know about your diagnosis of Autism (your Autism wont go away with this. you still have it. you'll just see the specifics, the stems to your problems) is what makes you struggle. this isnt a means to shame people or to say you have to do this in order to get better or get help.

but for me and i assume others, i havent been able to get the right accommodations for anything. society will never try to understand anyone cognitive abilities further and they NEED to make this shit more availble. I tried many things but none of them worked for me, but i also dont know WHY they dont work for me. putting aside the emotional struggles i am also doing in these tests (there is Cognitive testing and Emotional testing- which also makes things more pricey), i have been really really wanting to learn. just Things. it is all i want but I cannot, and the future feels impossible due to that. I try so hard to learn but nothing happens. i want to code, i want to 3D model, i was to up my drawing game, etc etc- even if i went for my assumed "easy" choice (simply production in entertainment) i still struggle to keep it in my head. it always feel like laziness, to sit down at try and then it doesnt stick, and that just makes you feel worse. Still i'd go and learn 3D modelling consistently for a week, but quite literally the moment i looked away from the donut tutorial, i couldnt do it. genuinely everything was lost from my brain. id redo it, i would do the donut tutorial again, but then thats all i could do.

learning with coding is no different, but i try to try very hard because i feel like i know it all "in theory", i look at stuff and i kinda can see what it all means. but right now as i try to learn Narrat, i am very actively seeing how the results of these tests are spelling out the problem. i sit down and look at documents but i cannot take in the reading material, but i see images and i get it kind of so i try- i look at someone else's game for some help but i dont totally know it. but i ask for help in the discord a LOT because i cannot process the documents they hand me, i cannot peice together what the documents say in order to solve the error i got, and only kind of get it when i connect an image of the code to what im doing, but there arent many pictures of what i need step by step and i get stuck again.

so many little things-- things that i cant really add up to just being ADHD- at the very least no one knows how to accommodate to my specifics anyways so i never get it solved. the autism may explain some things but it doesnt explain it all. I can't count change even on my fingers, i cant add things up on paper and i forgot how to multiply and divide. i forget things when theyre not in front of me, nothing i read stays in my head, nor does anything i listen to. i may work fast, i may process movement and things presented surprisingly well, but those four things (math, memory, listening comp, reading comp) are key things to learning that are SO awful it explains every reason i have been this way. i take it in quick, but it goes away in the blink of an eye.

i dont have ADHD by the way- it was one of those labels slapped on for years because "well your memory is bad, and so is your attention, and you have a hard time learning". and i dont disagree exactly, if i hadnt done this i would have been going along w my life with that label and it would have been fine- aside from the fact none of the ADHD meds i have taken over the years have never work, of course. or the fact i still wouldnt really know how to learn things because i dont have accommodations that actually help me make progress. i think i would still be sitting around stuck, thinking i am just stupid and there is no way around it.

point is- there is a lot under the surface. there are a collection of things that explain parts of your cognitive function and they all work on their own. and because i know this now, i can get very specific help. i can properly understand why certain accommodations in the past didnt work, what will work, and what i can do to actually try and Learn Shit. going through years of utterly sucking at everything in school is awful, it really knocks you down. Especially when you want to learn, you feel like you are trying so hard.

for more recent years i have sat here just thinking i couldnt do anything. watching family make progress as they age and feeling unable to do that too feels like shit and i hate the idea of never being able to put anything out there. i am in a place where i can live just fine without any job really, but i dont want to do that? i dont want to do nothing- even if it weren't a job, why would i want to sit around doing the one think i know- draw- and never be able to do anything else? id like it as a job but even outside of that i just want to know things like anyone else.

the fact that i feel far more hopeful than ever before is really a nice feeling. for a while it was a kind of motivation that was more like fighting a brick wall to proceed because even though i wanted something to change, i had no idea how it could. this isnt a clear "ok go do A and B and youll learn!". this will still be a long time of build. it will be a process as it would be for anything with learning and i still get overwhelmed by the prospect too, its still terrifying because i still wonder if it will really work out. but goddamn i do not feel like these many weeks of testing have been a waste- i really do understand far more than ever. its kind of sad to see, to have gone for so long without help, but id rather know it now than to never know and to always feel helpless and stupid.

#good god long post in coming

[christianityoriginal]

*#timesofrestoration #originalgospel #goodnews #ChristianityOriginal* http://ChristianityOriginal.com/Kingdom *#twoguysonabus* There are some things that all humans long for in their lives: 1) A longing to *once again see their loved ones* whom they'd lost to death. 2) A desire for the atrocities that happen on the Earth to come to an end and for the establishment of *a fair and just world.* 3) A wish for the hatred and wars that destroy the planet to cease, and for *love and peace* to prevail. All these longings of mankind will surely be fulfilled. God makes way for that through Jesus Christ. Yes, Jesus gave himself as Adam's ransom to rescue all of Adam from the inherited punishment of death [1Tim 2:6]. Amen! *#Allmankind* - believers and non-believers, Christians, Muslims, Hindus and peoples of all faiths, agnostics and atheists, males, females and transgenders, seniors, adults and children, the rich, the middle-class and the poor, all humans of all races - every one of us - will be redeemed from death when Jesus returns! For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive [1Cor 15:21-22]. *All families shall surely reunite with their loved ones again.* What a comforting promise!! *#kingdom* "Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. *He will reign over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice* and righteousness from that time on & forever. He will judge between the nations and will settle disputes for many peoples. They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, *nor will they train for war anymore.* When your judgments come upon the earth, the people of the world learn righteousness." Isaiah 9:7; 2:4; 26:9. What will be the reward for those who truly follow Jesus in their present lives? They would get a *#specialsalvation* with the privilege to reign over the resurrected mankind with Jesus & help uplift them by teaching them goodness in his 1000 year Kingdom [Rev 2:26-27; 3:21; 20:6; Isaiah 26:9]. This is the glorious *original good news* of the Bible! God will destroy the veil that is spread over all nations. He will swallow up death in victory; and the LORD God will wipe away tears from off ALL faces (Isaiah 25:7-8) And there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away (Rev 21:4). Next question: If all these wonderful Scriptures are true, then what exactly are hell and the lake of fire?

#christianityoriginal