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lowkeyerror · 8 days

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The Family Business Ch. 10

WandaNat x Reader

Word count: 3.4k

Ch.Notes: no notes this ch

Summary: Natasha and Wanda have a talk about their feelings for you. After that emotional conversation they meet you at the hospital to visit Dragos.

An: If I were to say things get more real next chapter how would you feel...

Series Masterlist | Masterlist

The rest of the work day drags for Natasha and Wanda. Both women having other things on their mind. However, with Kate and Y/n out of the office on a hectic day like this, they couldn’t afford to dwell too much.

“Sestra, can we call it a day? I've never taken this many calls in my life,” Pietro barges into his sisters office.

“If you want to go home, then go,” she waves her hand dismissively at him.

“What’s got you so snappy?”

When Wanda’s eyes meet Pietro she’s glaring at him, “If you haven’t noticed I’m trying to run the company our father built on my own.”

Pietro raises his brow, “On your own? Discrediting my work is normal for you, but to act as if Y/n wasn’t running this place last night is bullshit.”

“Well she’s not here now,” Wanda mumbles under her breath.

“Why? Where is she?”

Wanda can’t hide the small clench in her jaw, “Kate took her home. She wasn’t feeling well.”

“She’s in good hands sestra if that’s what's worrying you,” Pietro tries to console her.

Wanda doesn’t want to speak about it any further, “I’m going to see papa whenever I’m done with this do you want to come?”

The way that Pietro's goofy features turn serious never cease to amaze Wanda, “I can’t tonight, I have a date.”

Wanda rolls her eye, “You’d rather get laid than see our father?”

Pietro shakes his head, “No, but this isn’t just some girl. I want this to be serious and I can’t afford to stand her up.”

The red head is slightly surprised, but she nods along, “I’ll tell him about it, I bet he’d be glad to hear you taking something seriously for once.”

He chuckles a bit before going quiet. He looks at Wanda similar to the way a needy child looks at their parent.

“Do you think he’ll wake up?”

“He has too,” the words are heavy as they leave her lips. She has a small smile placed on her face as she continues, “Mama will kill him if he doesn't.”

“Don’t work too hard sestra,” he speaks sincerely taking his leave.

“Enjoy your date,” Wanda says as he walks out of the door.

When he leaves she lets out a heavy sigh. For the first time today she lays her head down on her desk, exhaustion starting to plague her.

Thoughts of her responsibilities as the person in charge rain down on her. This was the end goal that she wanted, but never at this great of cost. She wished her father would wake up and reclaim his place because she didn’t feel ready.

She was focusing as hard as she could, but her mind always strays to her brother’s best friend. Your delicate skin pressing against hers in the morning or the strong arms that wrapped around her waist, or those doe eyes that she could sense staring at her.

Wanda debates for a moment before pulling out her cell phone and dialing the girl. It rings for a while before there's finally an answer.

“Hello.”

“Hey, little krolik. I just wanted to check on you. Nat told me you went home today,” Wanda keeps her tone level.

You sigh on the other end of the line, “I’m ok. I think I just got a little overwhelmed. I’m sorry for stepping out, I know that's not how we do business.”

“It’s no different than me leaving yesterday. This line of work takes a toll on you.”

She can’t see it, but you nod, “I’m feeling better now. I still want to go see pa- Dragos. Maybe I could have Kate drop me off and I’ll meet you two there?”

“You’re with Kate?” Wanda can’t stop herself from asking the question.

“Yeah she took me home and decided to keep me company,” you say nonchalantly.

“I could’ve taken you,” Wanda tries to play it cool.

You disagree with her, “I didn't want to bother you while you were working. It was a hectic day, truth be told I didn't even want to leave.”

Wanda’s tone is strong as she speaks, “I will never be too busy for you Y/n.”

“Wanda-”

“I mean it. I know I’m supposed to move past it, but I missed a lot while I was gone. I couldn’t be there for you like I wanted to. Now that I’m back I’d like to be there for you as much as I can. I still want to be the one you lean on,” Wanda let herself be vulnerable with you.

You were taken aback by her admission. It felt like it was impossible for you to come up with a response. It wasn’t like she was saying something you hadn't heard from her before, but her words felt heavier somehow.

“I know you'll be there for me, Wanda . You don't have to prove it.”

Wanda frowns lightly, “I’m not trying to prove anything. I’m just- it’s hard knowing I’m not the first person you come to when you’re in need. I know you've grown out of needing people for the most part, but I don’t know. I’m not making any sense. Nat and I will meet you at the hospital.”

Wanda doesn't give you a chance to respond as she hangs up the phone. She scolds herself about how needy she sounded during the call.

“I think I’m finished up for today, whenever you’re ready to go,” Natasha strolls into the office.

Wanda stares at the computer screen for a moment, “I should be ready in half an hour.”

Natasha plops down on the couch of her wife’s office. It’s silent for a moment until Nat shifts on the couch which makes noise fill the office.

“So, do you want to talk about it?”

“ About what?” Wanda keeps her attention on the screen.

“What I said about being jealous of Kate?”

Wanda’s brow furrows, “Not particularly.”

Natasha strides over to the woman’s desk chair and places herself in Wanda’s lap. Wanda’s arms loop around the woman’s waist holding her in place.

“We need to talk about this moya lyubov,” the spy places gentle kisses on the base of Wanda’s neck.

The other woman whines, “Why?”

“Because we’re married and you’re in love with Y/n,” Natasha states plainly.

Wanda rolls her eyes, “You were jealous too.”

Natasha nods, “I was and I don’t have a problem admitting it.”

Wanda’s face buries itself in the crook of Natasha’s neck, “So what does this all mean?”

“I like her too,” Natasha states bluntly.

“ I don’t want to lose you,” Wanda’s voice is small as she speaks to her wife.

Natasha softly places her hand on Wanda’s chin, forcing their eyes to meet, “You will never lose me Wanda. I married you because I’m completely, utterly, madly in love with you. That feeling hasn’t gone anywhere.”

“I love you too,” Wanda’s eyes shine as they bore into Natasha’s.

“ I think we should think about what it would be like to add Y/n into our relationship dynamic,” Natasha speaks, but it sounds like a question.

Wanda tenses briefly, “I can admit that I have feelings for Y/n, but I don’t know if I can act on these feelings Nat.”

“Why not?”

Wanda closes her eyes, “I’ve known her too long, Nat. She’s the same age as my little brother, not to mention she's his best friend. If she doesn’t feel the same way, this will ruin everything.”

“Detka-”

“I don’t know if it’s better or worst that we both want her. How would we even tell her Natasha? I don’t want to lose anymore time with her,” Wanda begins to get emotional.

Natasha cups her wife’s face in both of her hands, “Baby, I know you’re scared. This is scary, I’ve never been in a situation like this, I don’t have all the answers. All I know is that you love her and I think I could too. We’ve spent so much of our lives sacrificing for others, but I’m ready to sacrifice something for my own sake, aren’t you?”

“I am, but not at the expense of my relationship Y/n. I just got her back, Natasha. I’m not saying I never want to tell her, but I can’t do this now,” Wanda tries to turn her head away from her wife.

Natasha doesn’t let her, but instead places a soft kiss on her wife’s lips. Wanda relaxes under Natasha’s touch, feeling all of the stress of the day seeping out of her body.

“ Don’t hide from me, Wanda. I want you to share your feelings, I won’t ever judge you,” Natasha whispers against the taller woman’s lips.

“I don’t want to disappoint you. I know you’re ready but-”

Natasha shakes her head, “It’s not just about me, it’s about us. I don’t want to push you to do anything you aren’t ready for. If you want to pursue Y/n, I’m with you, but if you don’t, I'm still with you.”

Wanda nods softly, “I want to, but I- I need time.”

Natasha kisses her again, “Whenever you’re ready baby. Now finish up so we can go.”

“You’re not going to move?” Wanda questions her wife.

Natasha lets out an exasperated sigh, “ You can’t work around me?”

Wanda scoots herself into the desk. She slightly pushes Natasha to press into her further. The spy’s head is in the nape of Wanda’s neck.

“I can and if I’m being honest it’s my preferred method of doing work,” Wanda begins to focus on the computer again.

She works diligently with her wife in her lap. Having Natasha there makes her work go by a little faster and feel a lot less stressful. She finishes up within the hour.

Once she’s done Wanda shoots a text to Y/n saying that they were headed to the hospital. The girl replies saying she’ll meet them there.

Natasha drives, one hand on the wheel and the other holds Wanda’s hand. Her thumb caresses the back of the passengers hand trying to provide comfort, knowing that this was not an easy task for her.

Wanda had only visited her father once. She hated seeing him in such a fragile state. It almost didn't feel like he was her father. He couldn’t be the same man that took her to the city fair, the same mam that placed flowers in her hair, the man that invested his entire life in her dreams, it couldn’t be. This wasn’t the man that kept her safe from her nightmares, because looking at him in this state was beginning to feel like one.

When they arrived they went inside the building.

“If you don’t tell me what room he is in you won't live to the end of the week to regret it,” you argue with the receptionist.

Kate’s behind you her hand resting on your shoulder trying to pull you out of the conflict.

“It’s family only mam, one more outburst and I will have security throw you out,” the receptionist said causing a vein to pop in your neck.

“Is there a problem here?” Natasha speaks up first.

“Nothing that concerns you,” the receptionist snaps at the spy.

You interrupt, “You don't talk to her like that.”

Before things escalate any further Wanda slams her hand on the receptionist’s desk with her card under her palm.

“Now tell me what room my father is in, “ Wanda’s eyes look fiery as she stared at the receptionist.

The receptionist looks at the card bestie her eyes go wide, “Terribly sorry for the mix up Mrs. Maximoff, didn’t know she was in your company.”

Wanda peers down at the receptionist, “You’re lucky I’m feeling generous today. I don't ever want to hear you address either of these ladies in a disrespectful manner again.”

“Yes, Mrs. Maximoff sorry about that. It won’t happen again. He’s in room 286,” the receptionist looked ten sizes smaller.

You can’t help but give the woman a death glare as you head towards the elevator. Kate stops you on the way.

“I’m going to head home are you going to be alright?” Her eyes subtly glance in Wanda and Natasha’s direction.

“I’ll be fine Katie,” you reassure her.

“Ok just checking. Text me later and make sure you're taking care of yourself,” Kate pulls you into a tight hug.

The sound of someone clearing their throat ends your hug with the doe eyed girl. Kate smiles at you upon the release of the hug, she then waves goodbye, leaving you with the married couple.

“And you’re sure you and Kate aren’t dating?” Wanda can’t help, but comment.

You roll your eyes, “Positive, Katie and I are just friends.”

“What did you do after you left work ?”

You all pile into the elevator as you answer, “Nothing really. We just watched some tv and ordered some food. How was it at the office?”

Wanda goes to answer but Natasha stops her, “No work talk out of the office.”

“Well then what are we going to talk to Dragos about?” You attempt to joke in hopes of brightening the mood.

“ You can call him Papa you know?” Wanda takes her time looking at you.

“I know-”

She cuts you off, “Mama too.”

You nod to yourself, “I know, it’s just not my normal.”

Natasha speaks up, “It honestly feels like you’re fighting against their names when you say them. Mama and Papa sound natural coming from you."

“It feels like they are my parents.”

“They are,” Wanda grabs onto your hand as you approach Dragos’ room.

The air feels different when you enter the room. It’s hard to look at him in such a state. He lies still on the hospital bed with machinery hooked up to him. There are less machines than originally, but still too many in your eyes.

Flora sits by the side of the bed with her hand in his. The view is somber, it takes nearly everything in you not to cry. Almost as if she can sense the tension building in your body, Wanda squeezes your hand.

“How’s he been Mama?” Wanda’s moved closer to her mother’s side, dragging you with her.

“The same, but the doctors are saying that's a good thing for now at least,” she sighs heavily.

“And how are you Mama?” You ask looking over the woman’s features.

Flora sends you a small smile, “I’m tired sweetheart, but I’ll live.”

“Have you been going home?” Wanda questions further.

“To shower and change clothes.”

Wanda’s voice takes a stern tone, “Mama, you need to rest.”

The older woman shakes her head, “I can't leave him for too long.”

“He wouldn’t want you spending all your time here,” you say softly.

“It’s not about what he wants for once. If he didn’t want me here he would’ve listened when I told him going to meet Fisk alone was a bad idea,” she glares at her sleeping husband.

“I’ll have his head for this,” Wanda gets agitated at the mention of Kingpin.

“Blowing up the ports wasn’t enough?” Flora comments.

“Power move, just to prove that there are no cracks in our business affairs,” Wanda’s jaw sets.

Flora looks at her daughter, “He’s not going to take this lying down.”

“I know.”

You squeeze Wanda’s hand to reassure her, “ We’ll be ready for him."

Flora lets out a sad laughter, “You sound just like him Y/n.”

“ That’s a compliment for the ages. I hope I could be half of the person he is,” your gaze falls into your lap.

“You already are. You kids have always made us both so proud.”

You desperately want to ask more about Dragos’ condition, but you refrain. The conversation stays light as you reminisce about the man.

Natasha doesn't say much, but her presence does provide someone to share with. She's hearing most things about her father-in-law for the first time. She's getting a good look into the man he is.

She pays attention to the way you and Wanda both light up when sharing stories. It warms her heart to see the two of you looking genuinely happy for the first time in weeks.

When it’s time to go the mood drops a bit, but not too much. It’s when Natasha goes to follow Wanda and Y/n out of the room when Flora stops her.

“You make sure they're taking care of themselves,” Flora hugs the redhead and whispers in her ear.

Natasha nods, “I will Mrs.Maximoff.”

They head home after that, exhaustion finally catching up to them.

A small dilemma plagues your mind when you get home. Part of you wishes to go with Wanda and Natasha into their apartment where you know you can get a good night's rest. The other part of you tells you that you shouldn't make it a habit. It's a lose-lose situation.

Begrudgingly you decide to go to your own apartment.

“I’ll see you guys later,” you try and give a small goodbye.

Wanda grabs your forearm, “You can come over tonight, if you need to. No matter the time. Alright, little krolik?”

Your eyes shift over to Natasha who smile, showing agreement with her wife, “The door is always open for you.”

You struggle to keep your composure, “Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind.”

Your house feels extra empty as you enter. The weight of the day sets into your system. Getting ready for bed seems pointless as you know you won’t be getting any sleep.

Staring at the ceiling seems different, knowing that across the hall was the woman that you had spent your teen years pining over. Yet, knowing that she could love you didn’t make your heart flutter like it was supposed to. It sent an anxiety running through your chest.

You knew that she was probably curled up in the bed next to her wife. Her drop dead gorgeous, kind hearted, Russian spy, wife. A woman in a league of her own, in her own right.

The thought didn’t make you jealous, but it had an adverse effect on you. You wanted to be there, to be involved, to be a part of what they had.

You groan placing a pillow over your head in a dull effort to quiet your thoughts.

Your phone rings on the dresser and you pick it up, and mumble a hello with the pillow still over your head.

“Come over.”

“Natasha?”

There’s a hum over the line, “Yes, are you coming or do I need to come get you?”

You shuffle out of the bed, keeping the phone to your ear, “Is something wrong?”

“Well-"

She’s cut off by her wife, “Come to bed little krolik. I need the extra warmth.”

Natasha chuckles, “Wanda refuses to sleep in your absence. She’s getting a little grumpy.”

“ I’m not grumpy. Tell her to hurry,” Wanda argues with Natasha.

This makes your heart flutter like it’s supposed to, “Are you sure it’s ok Nat?”

“ Lisichka I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you back in our bed.”

You feel a blush take over your features as you exit your home.

“ Ok, open the door,” you murmur and it takes no time for the spy to let you into her home.

Natasha looks exhausted as she grabs you by the arm and drags you wordlessly to the bedroom.

Wanda’s already in the bed and when she sees you she does a grabbing motion towards you. You shake your head before climbing into the bed. She wraps her arm around your waist and snuggles closer to you.

“You sleep here now. It’s better for all of us,” She mumbles against your skin.

“Ok,” you don’t fight her on it, knowing she’d probably forget in the morning.

You look up at Natasha shyly. She still stands over the bed. In a similar fashion to Wanda, you stick out your arms for her.

Natasha grins as she climbs into your arms. You carefully drape your arm over the spy, resting your hand against her flat stomach.

For the second night in a row you find yourself comfortable in their bed. You all think about how you shouldn’t indulge in this feeling, scared it won’t last.

It’s like the couple can read your mind. Wanda’s hold on you tightens and Natasha turns to face you. They keep you safe in their embrace and the thoughts in your head quiet.

No one says anything, but you all feel it. There’s a shift in your relationship and you won’t be able to ignore it for much longer.

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#lowkeyerror #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff imagine #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #wandanat x reader #wandanat #kate bishop #pietro maximoff

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celluloidbroomcloset · 5 months

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I was thinking about the idea that homophobia doesn't exist in the world of Our Flag Means Death. I think it's clear that this is not the case, but it is a more complicated issue than what we think of when we discuss straightforward homophobia, and is closely aligned with how the different worlds represented in the show perceive sex, love, and desire.

(Before I get going, I want to be clear that I'm discussing the world of the show itself, not the world of the historical Caribbean in the 18th Century. Our Flag Means Death primarily uses history as a useful lens through which to filter our own time period and the things it wants to discuss, and so only uses history when it serves the show's purposes. These are all just my thoughts - I'm always happy to discuss them!)

There are two major worlds at play in the show: the English gentry that Stede comes from, and the pirate world. In neither world is homosexuality explicitly treated as illicit or unacceptable, though it is never mentioned or shown in the English world. Most of the homophobia expressed by characters lies in the perceptions of the "right" and "wrong" ways of performing gender and sexual roles. I talked about this a bit here in regards to Izzy's homophobia.

In both the English and the pirate worlds, Stede's gender presentation is openly questioned. Stede is a fop - not necessarily a sexual marker one way or the other - but he's also, in the words of the show, soft. His father labels him a "weak-hearted, soft-handed, lily-livered little rich boy" who has never done a "man's work," blanches at the sight of blood, and is only inheriting his power from better, more masculine men.

Within the world of the show, Stede occupies a role typically reserved for female characters, in which he's sold in marriage to build his family's wealth. His romantic desire to marry for love is knocked down; it doesn't matter if he loves Mary or she loves him, or if there is even any desire on either side, because the whole point is to unite their wealth and produce heirs to carry on that wealth.

In Stede's memories, the shift from getting married to having children is instantaneous. Sex is implied, but it barely exists for him - it was simply something that he had to do to fulfill his part. Again, this casts Stede in a role often reserved for female characters in fiction. The function of sex, in the English world, is procreation. Desire hardly enters into it, and love certainly doesn't. So it is likely that Stede's only sexual experiences are ones without desire and without love. They are simply to fulfill a function.

Pirate society is significantly more open when it comes to expression of sexuality, but it is still steeped in sexual roles and requirements. Stede's outward queerness marks him out, but it's his inward queerness and how that integrates his emotional core that makes him unacceptable within the masculine hierarchy represented by Izzy and Calico Jack.

I've gone into Izzy's toxic masculinity and hatred of Stede's gender presentation elsewhere, but to reiterate briefly - Izzy's biggest problem with Stede is that Stede does not occupy the correct gender role within the masculine hierarchy, nor does he occupy a properly defined sexual role. He is, in Izzy's view, supposed to be submissive to a dominant male, and he's anything but. He breaks the rules of piracy and he breaks the rules of masculinity, without seeming to be aware that there are rules to break (at least in the pirate world). Stede is "wrong" in Izzy's understanding of masculinity and homosexuality, just as he is wrong in the Badmintons'/his father's understanding.

It is Stede's breaking of those rules that attract Ed to him in the first place. He doesn't act like a pirate should. He's strange. He's off-script. He's...queer. That queerness draws Ed in - far from being repelled by it, as Izzy thinks he should be, he's fascinated by it. Stede's softness and gentleness are things that Blackbeard should either reject or attempt to dominate, and he does neither.

What comes out in Stede and Ed's interactions is that Ed himself doesn't just desire softness, but is soft himself. Beneath the masculinity he puts on, he wants to be touched with kindness, he wants to be embraced. One of Stede's first questions is if he "fancies a fine fabric." When Ed says he does, Stede doesn't laugh at him or view this as un-masculine. He shows Ed as many fine fabrics as he can, excited to finally have another man with whom to exchange this love.

Ed also wants to be submissive without being hurt. He gets Stede to stab him in a performance of sex, but the act implies even more than that - that sex and pain are closely related in the pirate world, tied to sexual roles (men who penetrated and men who are penetrated). But Stede, once more, is a gentle man who penetrates. He doesn't see the stabbing as a sexual act, nor does he get a sexual thrill from causing Ed pain. Ed submits to a man who cares that he's being hurt, and it is this softness that Ed wants and is, as yet, unable to ask for.

(It is notable that, when Ed recalls the stabbing in "Fun and Games," his main memory is of Stede's look of concern.)

The role of sex, love, and desire in the pirate world is made clearest with Calico Jack, far and away the most explicit representation of a pirate's toxic masculinity, who also highlights the reading of sex as about power and pain, not love. Calico Jack and Stede's conversation is the first time that sexual relationships between men is actually raised, in explicit and vulgar terms as Jack asks Stede if he and Ed are "buggering each other" and tells Stede "Blackie and I have had our dalliances."

Jack views Stede's response as being ashamed, but we see clearly that it's not shame but anger. Stede doesn't like who Ed is with Jack, and he doesn't like Jack's vulgarity, simplifying sex, and especially sex with Edward Teach, down to pure functions, not expressive of love or desire, just as they are in the English world. Jack's attitude that this is simply what men do to (not even with) other men when they are at sea, and he's proving his dominance by telling Stede that he's done it with Ed.

Stede is not ashamed at the assumption that he and Ed are having sex, but angry at the implication that sex between them would be "buggery" and "dalliance," not love (and, what's more, that Ed would be treated as a thing instead of a person by another man).

Stede's queerness is part of his emotional core - it is not a whim. It is not something he can discard or mask, regardless of how he dresses or behaves. It is not something that just "goes at sea," or that can be reduced to functions. It is integral to himself, and so he's been completely unable to conceal it from being perceived in either the English or the pirate world, though he has tried very hard to conceal it from himself.

Ed has also tried to conceal the emotional reality of his queerness via his performance as Blackbeard, turning it outward as violent games between men, without softer emotions. It is with Stede that his own emotional core is revealed, and the big mean pirate is shown to be a man who wants to be held and touched, to be submissive without being shamed or harmed.

They allow each other to be vulnerable, to move beyond their worlds' insistence on sex as being purely a function and to unite it with love and desire. Their romance develops out of friendship and a powerful emotional understanding that claims softness as strength.

Neither Stede nor Ed are acceptable in worlds dominated by toxic masculinity and controlled by rules of masculine hierarchy and power. But they are acceptable on the Revenge, filled with a crew of the "worst pirates in the world," all of whom openly, and increasingly, express fluid gender and sexual roles and identities that shift with relationships and feelings. Both are aligned with the queer liberation of the Revenge, itself shaped by Stede's ethos of kindness and breaking the "culture of violence" of piracy, but they have to break out of their worlds' underlying homophobia to find their way to each other.

#ofmd #ofmd season 1 #stede bonnet #edward teach #ed teach #gif #ofmd meta #our flag means death #queer liberation #rhys darby #taika waititi #my wee thoughts #long post

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lovingmattysposts · 5 months

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My Best Friend’s Brother

P2 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12

pairing: y/n and Chris sturniolo

alright guys this is my first post so treat it nicely, but this is only the first part so let me know if you want the next part :)

Summary: You & Nick have been best friends forever. There was nothing you couldn’t tell him. You move in for a little while after something bad goes down in your own home, but that means living with his brothers. One brother you got along with, the other not so much….

warnings!! Mentions of a toxic, abusive household, cursing, mentions of not eating well, puking, mention of anxiety and depression

no smut yet…

Pain. Pain and suffering. Something I was born from and have lived to deal with my entire life. Sometimes I thought I was at my very worst. I would think to myself, there is nothing worse than this. The pain corsating through my entire body when my parents would scream at me. Or when my father would throw things at me and my mom turned a blind eye. I would stare up in my bedroom wishing for it to all go away. The pain at least.

I thought that one day the pain would just go away, that I would eventually end up numb. But when they day came, it didn't. The pain was still there, just as it was before. Just the reaction was numb, at least the aftermath. Back then, my childhood filled with not toys and cherished memories, but hiding, screaming, fighting and holding my teddy bear wondering why my parents didn't love me the way they were suppose to. The way my friends parents loved them. All the trips to Disney land I never got, all of the empty presents under the tree, the forgotten birthdays, they still weren't the worst of it.

This was.

I blinked my eyes up towards the stars, still silent. The only sounds between us were the chirping of crickets. Crickets who probably had parents that cared about them more than I did. I swallowed as I watched a plane pass over us silently. Silence killed some people, but not me. Sometimes it was the only peace I ever got. Silence meant good. It meant everything was calm. Everything was okay. I craved silence.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Nick whispered beside me after a few minutes. I blinked at the sky, not turning towards him. Nick was my best friend. There was nothing I couldn't talk to Nick about. He was always there for me even when I would just sit in silence, he would just be there. He would always be there. He's the greatest best friend of all best friends in the world.

Nick sat up peering down at me as I glanced from the sky to him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked softly. I still hadn't cried. That was the scariest part of it all. Usually my emotions would take over me. Hitting me with the hardest gust of wind, like a truck. But this time it didn't. I was numb. I waited for the reaction, the emotions to come, but it hadn't yet. I was starting to think it would never come.

"Numb" I said quietly. Nick frowned at me and brushed a piece of hair behind my ear. "I'm always going to be here y/n. I promise" He smiled. I just looked at him. I sat up looking down at my hands.

"I feel like I should be happy right?" I said looking up at him. He just listened. "But I'm not" I shook my head. I wish I could pinpoint how i was feeling but I couldn't and I hated it. I sighed. "He's still my dad" I breathed. Nick nodded. Nick knew everything about my family history. I told him everything. He was the first one I called after it happened. He picked me up and we drove where we always came to think. Lincoln Park.

I loved it here, because it was quite. No loud noises. No screaming, no fighting, just good memories. One of the last places for me that only held the good memories.

"Did you tell Matt and Chris where you were going?" I asked looking at him. He nodded. He never lied to his brothers and I admired that, but it doesn't mean I want them to know. I looked down. "I didn't give them any details, I just said that it was your dad and that you needed me" He said looking at me, clearing my mind. I nodded.

Matt and Chris were Nick's brothers. He's one of three. They are triplets. A bond that could never be broken. I wish I had some family like that. I liked them enough. I liked Matt, he was quite, but nice. Chris was harder to get along with. We are both strong headed people with lots of opinions so we tended to butt heads a lot. I wouldn't consider them my friends, but they were Nick's brothers. They had a part of Nick in them, which made me care for them.

"A part of me wishes he would have done this when I was born, like he threatened" I breathed, feeling like everything inside of me was coming out. "But a part of me knows that If he did my mom would have hated me and blamed me my whole childhood for him leaving, like she's doing now" I said shaking my head thinking about it. Nick reached over and put his hand on my leg.

"It's not your fault y/n. Your dad sucked. It was him, all him. Not you" Nick said making me look up at him. I swallowed and looked down wanting to believe him, and a part of me did, but a part of me will always relive those words he said to me tonight.

"I just don't know if it would have hurt less to never had known him. To have him never know me." I sighed and looked up. "But he did know me" I said looking at Nick. He had a sad expression posted on his face. "And he still wanted to leave" I whispered. Still no tears. Still numb.

"Y/n I don't think I could ever live without you" Nick said, I saw tears brimming his eyes. "You mean so fucking much to me" He said letting a tear fall. I smiled sadly. "Your dad is an idiot" He said shaking his head. "Such an idiot" He smiled at me. I smiled and pulled Nick into a hug and he wrapped his arms around me and we sat there for a minute, just holding each other.

"You can stay with me, you know" He said as he laid his head against me. I stayed silent. "My mom would love to have you. We have an extra guest bedroom you can stay in, and if you don't want to be alone you can just sleep in my bed" He said soothingly. I smiled at his offer. As much as I wanted to take it and run, I knew I shouldn't. I didn't want to leave my mom alone, afraid she would hate me even more than she does right now. Plus his mom already had to deal with raising three teenage boys. She doesn't need me and my problems on top of all of that.

"Thank you Nick, but I can't. I can't leave my mom" I whispered as Nick pulled back to look at me. He nodded. "My door is always open. You can change your mind and stay as long as you need" He smiled at me and I nodded.

"Nick" I said grabbing his attention again. He looked at me waiting for me to continue. "Can you do me a favor?" I asked quietly. He nodded not breaking eye contact. "Tomorrow" I started looking at him. "Will you just pretend that none of this happened? I don't want your pity or anyone else's." I sighed looking down. "I don't want you to treat me any differently. I don't want you to feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me" I said making him smile.

"If you think my hair looks ratty, I want you to tell me and make a joke. If I stutter I want you to call me out like you always do" I laughed, making him laugh. "I just don't want this to change our dynamic. I don't want you to look at me like the girl who needs fixing. I've been dealing with this my whole life, nothing changed. He just left that's it" I said shaking my head. Nick placed his hand over mine.

"If that's what you want" He stated. I nodded smiling at him. "You sure you want to go back?" He asked looking at me. I hesitated before nodding slowly. He nodded starting to stand. "I'll buy you ice cream on the way come on" He said helping me up. I smiled and took his hand.

"Thank you, Nick" I smiled and he pulled my hand as we walked to the car.

I stood in front of the door to my house. My hand shaking as it gripped the handle. God y/n stop being a baby, walk in. I swallowed before turning the handle. As I walked in I could almost see the scene that unfolded in front of me just a few hours ago. I let out a shaky breath the memories flooding into my brain creating the imagine. I swallowed, before turning and closing the door. I walked a few steps before seeing my mother sitting at the kitchen table looking down at her hands. She didn't acknowledge my presence.

"Mom?" I asked quietly. She didn't even look up. I bit my lip looking towards the stairs. Just walk up the stairs. No. I at least had to make sure she was okay. I took a deep breath before walking up to her. I swallowed.

"Mom?" I asked again looking down at her. She still didn't look up at me, her eyes glued to the table. I gripped my hands together, looking around. Anxiety spiking through my body. "Mom can you please talk to me?" I asked her. She had a lot to say earlier. I wasn't expecting her to be quiet.

I looked at the empty chair next to her. I sat down slowly. "Mom I know this is hard for you, but maybe this is for the better you know?" I said my hands shaking. "Y-You know dad he was really angry and-" I started to say but was cut off.

"Don't" She spat quickly. I looked up at her. "Your father was a good man. You will not speak down on him" She said glaring at me. I furrowed my eyebrows at her. Surely we couldn't have been speaking about the same man. Not the one from my childhood.

I tapped my fingers on the table in front of me. "Mom I just don't want you to hate me" I mumbled quietly. Silence again. I looked up at her. "I-I did this for you. For us. I wanted better I just wanted to feel-" I attempted to explain but she stood up violently.

"For me? You did this for me?" She said glaring down at me. "You are the most selfish kid i've ever seen in my life! You drove your dad away after 18 years of marriage for me?" She screamed at me. "18 years of hell. Hell for the both of us and you know it!" I stood up screaming back.

"He was a drunk! He hit you! He threw shit at me! I was trying to save us! I was trying to protect myself like you never did for me!" I yelled at her. She pursed her lips as she looked at me.

"Out" She said looking at me. "I want you out of my house" She said looking down. I felt my heart fall. As much as I wanted to accept her request and run to Nick's, she was still my family. The only family I had left. "Mom please-" I breathed. She just glared at me.

"We only have each other. You can't do this" I shook my head. She swallowed and shook her head. "This was your fault y/n. Yours. Not mine. My whole life-" She stopped closing her eyes. "My whole life, it was you" She pointed at me. I backed up, hardening my face towards her.

"Why do you think he started drinking in the first place" She shook her head. I bit my lip and shook my head. "This is not my fault" I said through gritted teeth. She nodded. "You know it is. You can stand there and try to convince who ever you want that this was not your fault, but it is" She shook her head at me.

"And you know it" She said pointing in my face. I licked and lips and looked down. Pain corsating through my entire body. Still, not tears held in my eyes. I took a deep breath. "Please" I whispered. "I want you out of my house goddammit!" She screamed at me. I took a deep breath and stepped back for a second just looking at her. Wishing. Hoping. That just this once she would pick me over him. But she never had and she never would and now I knew that.

I swallowed and nodded. Still no tears. I turned on my feet, walking up the stairs, packed my things, and didn't look back as I left the house.

This was your fault y/n. Yours.

I closed my eyes before I knocked on the door quietly. It was past midnight at this point and Nick wasn't answering his phone, but this was my last hope. I didn't have anywhere else to go. I didn't have a home and it was starting to get really cold outside. The Boston cold. I hugged my arms as the breeze blew by.

I stood there looking at my feet with a duffle bag around my shoulders. Aching from the walk over here. It wasn't a bad walk. I walked it all the time, but with an extra 50 pounds of weight it was hard. My shoulders ached. I looked up at the door again, waiting for any signs of someone answering the door.

"Please" I whispered to myself as I saw my breath come out before me. A few seconds passed and I started to give up hope when I heard the door creek open slightly.

I looked up and saw a pair of familiar blue eyes. Chris Sturniolo stood before me. I blinked at him. He furrowed his eyebrows when he realized it was me. He looked down at my bag, then back up at me. I just looked down at my feet and then back up at him. He was not the one I wanted to answer the door.

"What's with the bag?" He asked opening the door all the way just looking at me, like he alwasy had. Unimpressed. Can I get a break just this once Chris? I wanted to say but instead I held my lips closed. "Can you get Nick?" I asked looking at him, as I shivered. He crossed his arms over his chest as he stood there examining me. I felt a blush rise to my cheeks. I didn't like this.

"Chris please" I said quietly, not looking at him. He looked back up at my eyes before sighing. He looked behind him and then back to me. "He's been asleep for a while, come in" He said moving out of the way so that I could step inside. I left out a breath before walking through the door. I felt Chris grab my bag and I stopped, gripping my bag. He stepped back putting his hands up. Looking at me with a shocked expression.

"I was just getting your bag jeez" He said shaking his head and closing the door. I sighed looking down. "So jumpy" He mumbled walking past me and towards the stairs. I just watched him as he walked. He stopped and looked at me when he got to the staircase. He raised his eyebrows.

"You comin?" He asked looking at me. I blinked before following after him up the stairs. I tried not to stare too much as he walked up the steps. As painful as it was to be around Chris, he was deathly attractive. Which only made me hate him more. Kinda. I blinked and looked down at my feet before reaching the top of the steps.

"Guest bedrooms on the right next to the bathroom. You know where that is" He said sliding his hands into his pockets. I looked to where he was talking about and nodded. "Do you want me to wake Nick?" He asked looking at me. I shook my head. Nick had done enough for me tonight there was nothing ergrent going on. Mom just kicked me out, i'll still be kicked out tomorrow. There's no need to bother him while he was sleeping.

I shook my head. "No it's okay, I'll just talk to him tomorrow." I fake smiled. He just blinked at me. I started to turn to walk away but Chris grabbed my arm. I felt electricity run up to my shoulder. I turned around quickly putting my hand over where he had touched me. He slightly leaned back from my reaction.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly as if anyone heard him ask that the world might explode. I just looked at him for a second. Soaking in the almost concern in his face I'd never seen before. "Yeah." I nodded. Yeah I'm fine Chris" I whispered back. He nodded looking down at his feet.

"Get some sleep" He said before turning and walking back down the steps. I let out a breath before walking into the guest bedroom and setting my bag down. I sighed running my hands through my hair. Long day. Very long day.

I threw my hair up into a pony tail and crawled into the bed. I let out a breath. I heard a small knock at the door before I heard it start to creek open. Matt poked his head through the door and smiled before walking in. I smiled softly at him.

"Hey y/n/n" He said quietly. He looked down at his hands holding waters. "I brought you a water in case you get thirsty." He smiled walking over to the bed and handing me the waters. I took them and placed them on the table beside my bed.

"Thanks Matt" I sighed. He smiled down at me and started to turn before stopping. He looked down at me sadly. I wanted to throw up. "Chris told me you were here. That you were upset. I just- Are you okay?" He asked quietly. I looked up at the ceiling.

"Matt I'm okay I just don't want to be pitied. I'm still me" I said glancing over at him. He nodded and looked down. "There's some clothes in the bottom drawer if you want to change. They are old. They don't fit us anymore, but they will fit you" He smiled slightly. I nodded. He opened his mouth to say something but stopped before turning and exiting, leaving me alone. I stood up off my bed before going towards the drawer and shifting through the clothes.

I smiled at them. I picked up one shirt that was blue and read "Highlanders" which was the mascot of our high school. I brought it up to my nose and old cologne filled my nose. I smiled before ripping off my shirt and pulling it over me. I walked over and pulled myself back into my bed.I sighed and turned over, hugging my pillow.

I tried to close my eyes, but I couldn't. It was like a magnet that kept springing open. I tossed and turned before looking up at the ceiling, sighing letting my thoughts wonder around.

How could Chris even tell I was upset? I didn't even say anything. I shook my head at my thoughts. The last thing I need right now is for my mind to try to figure out the complex man who is Christopher Sturniolo.

I closed my eyes but it was hours before I finally drifted off to sleep.

I walked down the steps, I heard the talking in the kitchen come to a holt. I glanced over the staircase and saw all of the faces looking back at me. Mary Lou smiled at me softly before walking up to me and hugging me.

"You can stay here as long as you need sweetheart. You're a part of the family" She said quietly as she hugged me. Over her shoulder I met the eyes of Nick, Matt, and Chris. I looked away when she pulled back. I smiled at her.

"Thank you" I whispered. She nodded before walking back towards the kitchen. I looked at Nick who gave me a soft smile. I smiled back and sat next to him. I put my hands on my face and rubbed my eyes. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Nick reached over and rubbed my arm.

"Your hair looks like shit" He smiled over at me. I couldn't help but let out a small laugh, making Nick smile. "Nick" Matt scolded him. I shook Matt off quickly. "No...he's okay" I smiled looking up at Nick. "Thank you" I said quietly. In moments like these I don't know what I would do without him. He smiled and looked down.

"So we all get the pass to insult you right now?" Chris asked from across from me. I glared at him. Always butting heads like I said before. When Chris asked me if I was okay last night, that was the first time he was semi-nice to me. It honestly weirded me out a bit. Chris held eye contact for a second before he broke it and looked down. I smiled down to myself. I won.

"Because you look tired as shit" Chris said shoving his spoon full of cereal into his mouth and chewing obnoxiously. Mary Lou set down a plate of eggs next to him, hitting him on the back of his head. Chris whined and put his hand on the back of his head, looking up at her. I laughed before covering my mouth.

"Language Christopher. That is no way to speak to a guest" She said looking down at him and then making eye contact with me and winking at me. "Nick said it first!" He said motioning to Nick. Nick and I giggled. I smiled at her. Sometimes she felt like a second mom to me. Actually more like my only mom. I admired her more than I admired myself.

Chris looked up glaring at me. I rolled my eyes. "You should try to eat something" Matt said beside Chris looking at me. I looked down at the food on the table. "I'll make you anything you want honey" Mary Lou said from the stove turning around to look at me.

The thought of food entering my body right now made me sick to my stomach. That's all it did recently and it showed. My legs were skinner, my face was too. I swallowed. I should eat. I know I should. It's not like I don't want to, just recently I can't. When I do, I puke it all up and if there is anything I hate more than feeling sick, It's throwing up. I talked to Nick about it and he told me that it might be trauma response. The lack of eating. I blinked down at the table.

"I don't really want to eat right now" I said quietly. Chris glanced up at me for a second before going back to his phone. Nick leaned slightly towards me. "Eat something y/n/n" He said softly. I just looked at him and then Matt, who was looking at me like I was an injured puppy.

Nick placed piece of bacon on the plate in front of me and Matt stood up taking a muffin off the counter and handing it to me. I looked between them both. "Just a little bit. It might make you feel better" Matt suggested across from me. This is exactly what I didn't want. To be babied. I could talk Nick off of it, but Matt was different. He didn't know me as well as Nick did, so he didn't believe me when I said I seriously did not want to be treated differently.

I looked up at Matt. He was staring at me waiting for me to eat the fucking muffin. I sighed before picking up. Maybe If I ate a little bit he would stop staring at me like that. I looked down at it before biting into it and chewing looking at Matt. He smiled and looked down, almost pleased with himself. I leaned back sighing.

After breakfast Nick when into his room to shower and before he told me he had a whole day planned of fun. I rolled my eyes as he smiled and jumped into his room. As I turned I felt it. I paused before walking quickly to my room. I walked in and ran into the bathroom, closing the door and leaning over the toilet, emptying my stomach.

I held my hair back as I puked. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to control my breath. I leaned back and sighed. Then It came again and held the toilet. I groaned and fell back against the fall. I heard a small knock on the door.

"Y/n?"

I looked towards the door and rubbed my eyes. I couldn't really tell the difference between their voices sometimes, but I knew who was on the other side of the door. "Hold on a sec" I said as I stood up, flushing the toilet. I leaned over towards the mirror and filled my mouth with water and spitting it out and then splashing some on my face. He knocked again.

"Matt-" I said as I opened the door but was met with the other brother not Matt. Chris hovered above me, looking down at me. He raised his eyebrows. "Still don't got the voices down yet huh?" He asked smiling. I closed my eyes sighing. "You all sound the exact same" I said shaking my head. He looked behind me and then back at me.

"Are you okay?" He said looking at me like I was crazy. I turned around and then looked back at him. "Yeah, I'm-fine. Please stop asking me that. What do you want?" I said looking at him. He glanced behind me again and then looked at me. "Were you just throwing up?" He asked scrunching his nose. I closed my eyes and hung my head.

"What do you want Chris?" I asked again, not answering his question. He just blinked at me, before sighing and looking down at his hands that were holding three water bottles. "Matt told me to bring these up to you" He said looking from the waters to me. I sighed looking at the waters. "But it looks like you already have enough" He said turning and looking at the four bottles of water already on my nightstand, unopened.

He had handed me two last night and when I woke up there were two more. I looked over to the other bottles. I groaned running my hands through my hair. I looked down at the ones in his hand before taking one out of his hand and walking over to the other ones placing it down.

"Can you please tell Matt to stop babying me? I don't want to be treated like I'm a baby who needs taking care of" I said glaring at Chris. He held his hands up. "Don't shoot the messenger" He smiled. I rolled my eyes. "He's just worried about your hydration" He chucked. I glared at him and looked down at the waters, tracing the top of one with one of my fingers. Chris looked down at me and sighed.

"Matt's just like that, you know that" Chris said defending him. I licked my lips and nodded. "I know, I just wish.....he wasn't. I don't know." I said shaking my head. Chris just stood next to me. "Maybe you should drink one. Maybe you threw up because you're dehydrated" He shrugged. I scoffed and shook my head.

He leaned over placing the other waters next to the others. "He's just trying to be there for you, because you know...your parents weren't" Chris said making me look up at him. "You don't know anything about my home life" I said crossing my arms. He raised his eyebrows and looked down at me.

"I know enough. I know it was bad enough that you showed up at out doorstep at 1am last night with a bag full of your stuff" He said glancing to the bag. I looked to the bag and then to him. I looked down at my feet.

"You're closed off and I get it." He explained. "No you don't" I shook my head. "You don't get it Chris" I said. "You don't get anything" I spat. "You don't get it because you have a mother who cooks you breakfast every morning and brothers you can talk to about anything" I said shaking my head.

"You don't have to worry about food on the table or if your dad is coming home that night" I said looking at him. "You never have to question your parents love or if you need to lock your door at night in case one of them gets angry" I said stepping towards him. "You never have to worry about if there's going to be presents under the tree Christmas morning and your heart doesn't drop when you see an empty bottle of vodka on the counter when you come home from school" I said as he stood over me.

"You hear your mother tell you she loves you every morning before handing you your lunch for that day" I shook my head. "So no Chris, you don't get it" I said narrowing my eyes. "So I appreciate you not treating me any differently, I do. Matt doesn't get that and you do, but don't sit here and try and tell me you understand when you don't." I finished looking up at him. His face didn't change as I yelled at him.

I shook my head and I moved past him but I felt his tug on the bottom of my shirt. "It's kind of funny, you yelling at me while wearing my shirt" He said glancing down at the shirt and then back up to my eyes. My face faded as I looked down at the shirt and then back up at him. "Your shirt?" I asked. He smiled and raised his eyebrows. I just blinked at him.

"You ready ?" Nick yelled as he walked through my door. Chris dropped the grip on the shirt and stepped back from me. I looked from Chris to Nick. Nick furrowed his eyebrows and looked at him. "What are you doing?" Nick asked him. Chris looked at the waters and pointed at them.

"I was bringing waters" He said putting his hands in his pockets. Nick looked at the waters and then into the hallway. "Tell Matt to stop being obsessed with hydration" Nick sighed walking in. Chris shurgged. "He thinks it heals everything thats not my fault" He chucked. Nick shook his head and looked at me.

"I want to go shopping" Nick clapped looking at me. I laughed and looked at him. Nick glanced to Chris who was still standing there. "You can go" He waved at him. Chris rolled his eyes and left the room

It's been two weeks since I moved into the Sturniolo's house. I'm feeling better. Nick's making it better. I sleep in his room ever other night and we laugh, watch movies, sing, dance. We do everything best friends do. It's amazing. I've gotten closer to Matt too. He's back off a bit so that's good. Chris was still harder to break through with. He'll hang out with us, but he mostly ignores me or if he does acknowdge me, he's making fun of me. Which I don't mind. It is what it is, but I still wish he would try like I do.

Now I was standing outside of the bathroom door banging on it. Chris knew I needed to shower and he's been in there for 30 minutes. He was doing it to enrage me. I knew he was. He ran into the bathroom as I walked to it with a towel in my hands. I knocked on the door again.

"Chris come on!" I yelled. I groaned and leaned against the wall as I heard the shower turn off. I sighed of relief. "Thank God" I mumbled to myself. A few seconds later the door was opening. the Lord could have never prepared me for what I saw when the door opened.

"Could you have-" I froze.

Chris stared back at me. His hair still dripping wet against his forehead. His towel hanging low on his waist and the fresh shave cleanly shown on his face. His eyes seem to have gotten bluer in the shower if that was even possible. Steam from the shower poured out into the hallway illuminating him like an angel walking out of heaven.

My voice froze. My body froze. My eyes scanned his body without permission from my brain as I glanced down to his toned stomach and the dangerously low towel that was leaving little to my imagination. Chris smirked up at me like he always did. I swallowed as my eyes met back to his.

"Cat got your tongue?" He asked leaning against the door frame. My cheeks caught on fire as I blinked at him. I cleared my throat. "No I just-" I said stumbling over my words. He laughed and shook his head as he turned and walked down the hall. I swallowed and pressed my hand against my face, I was burning up.

"Fuck" I whispered to myself. I turned and watched him as he walked and he briefly turned and met my eyes with the same smirk before opening his bedroom and walking in. I shook my head and walked into the bathroom and closed the door fast. As If I could erase the embarssment that had just happened outside if I closed the door fast enough. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

Y/n what are you doing? Looking at Chris like that? I opened my eyes and turned towards the sink seeing residue of a razor sitting on the counter along with cologne and necklaces that he had discarded when taking a shower.

"Fuck" I whispered again. It's just physical attraction. It's human nature. It's not that big of a deal. I thought to myself as I stood there pressed against the door. God that was horrifying. I shook my head as I reached in the shower before turning it on. A few minutes later I held my hand under it to feel a stream of cold water. My face hardened. Chris. I hated him again, never mind.

About an hour later I sat in Matt's room along with Nick. Matt was playing his video games while Nick and I sat and watched him, not really understanding what was going on. Matt removed one of muffs over his ear and turned to us.

"Can you go grab Chris? He was suppose to join the game an hour ago. I don't know what's taking him so long" Matt groaned. Nick looked over at me. "Can you? I'm comfy" He said as he wiggled in his blanket. I swallowed. "Uh, can't you?" I asked looking at him. I really didn't want to face him after what happened an hour ago. I just don't want him to tease me about it. After spending an entire cold shower thinking about it. It was just physical attraction. Nothing more. It's human nature. He's attractive under the normal girl-standard. That's it.

"Pleasseee" Nick whined. I looked down at him before groaning and standing up off the bed and walking out of Matt's room. My breath was unsteady as I walked down the hall towards Chris's room. Why was I acting like this? Why was I nervous? This was ridiculouis. I shook my head and my thoughts as I stood in front of his door.

I knocked lightly.

"Come in" I heard from the other side. I grabbed the handle opening the door slowly. Chris was pulling on a T-Shirt with his back towards me. I looked up. You've got to be kidding me. I looked back down at him as he turned around.

"Oh. Hey" He said looking at me. I didn't say anything. "I was wondering why someone was knocking and not just barging in" He smiled pushing his now dry hair back with his hand. I just blinked at him. He moved back over to his bed, picking up a sweatshirt and starting to put in on.

"Did you need something?" He asked smiling due to my silence. I took a breath in. "Yeah-right. Matt said that you were suppose to get on the game or something?" I said looking back and then towards him. He pulled the sweatshirt on and nodded. "Yeah I know, I'm about to get on" He said picking up his phone. I pursed my lips and nodded. Chris looked up at me and then to the side then back to me.

"Did you need anything else?" He asked raising his eyebrows. I blinked. "No! I just-" I looked down then back up at him. He just looked at me. My cheeks flared up again. God, I hate my body. He smiled and started to walk towards me. I stood frozen, like my feet were incapable of moving. I swallowed as he got closer and looked down at me. He stood so close he hovered over me just looking down at me. I just stared back at him. The air was still and it was silent between us. He narrowed his eyes down at me.

"How was your shower?" He whispered. I just blinked up at him. He was too close and too quiet to ask me that. "Cold" I whispered back breathless. He pursed his lips hiding a smile. His eyes glanced over my face.

"I think you've got a staring problem" He said hovering over me. I pursed my lips. "I think you've got an attitude problem" I breathed back. He smiled. "Maybe I do" He whispered back. I just blinked up at him, my heart beating out of my chest. His eyes trailed down my face and to my lips before looking back up in my eyes.

He stepped back before turning and grabbing his phone. I let go of a breath before turning and walking out of his room and closing the door, quickly retreating back to Matt's room. I opened the door and saw Nick scrolling through his phone and Matt studying the game in front of him.

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#christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo

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celestemagnoliathewriter · 6 months

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Sirius Black Appreciation Post

Time to celebrate Sirius Black's birthday by highlighting my favorite canon facts 🥳

Sirius is tall. We're talking at least 6'.

He's intelligent AF. He became an Animagus at 15. He charmed a Muggle motorbike to fly (Arthur couldn't do that with a car, Sirius did it in his late teens, latest at age 20). He escaped from Azkaban. He got a cat to order a racing broom. My man is brilliant, no doubt about it.

Sirius has a complicated relationship with his mother and it is *not* merely hatred. Note that he did not destroy his mother's portrait, or slash it as he did with the Fat Lady's. I'm confident that he could've figured out a way to destroy it or otherwise get rid of it, but he doesn't. His refuge is in his mother's old room with Buckbeak. There's something very complicated in his relationship with his family that can't be labeled as simple loathing. Sirius may have run away from home at 15/16, but his background 100% shaped him and left its mark on his personality and psyche.

Sirius was good friends with Lily. The letter from Lily to Sirius is great proof of that - it wasn't James who wrote that letter, but LILY. Sirius was smiling and genuinely happy at Jily's wedding.

Sirius is emotionally driven, and lashes out *with good reason.* When he goes after Wormtail the night the Potters died, it's because Harry is taken away from him. He has nothing to hold him down - and even gives his motorbike to Hagrid. When he tries to get to Wormtail in PoA, he slashes the portrait but doesn't harm a single boy in his search for the rat. When he goes to the Department of Mysteries, his focus is on Harry. These are good reasons, even if it puts him in danger.

Sirius has a great sense of humor. He puts little Santa hats on the decapitated elf heads. He chases pigeons as Padfoot just to make Harry smile. He sends a good luck note with a muddy paw print. He is scathingly funny, when he derides Peter's hero worship of James in Snape's Worst Memory. He's bitter and sarcastic. We love to see it.

Sirius is a baby boomer. He was born in 1959. "Ok, boomer," is an applicable retort.

Sirius is not misogynistic. He does not hate women. He is often kinder to women than men. He helps Ginny up in OoTP. No matter how angry he gets at Molly, he is never, ever physical with her (unlike the way Sirius is with snape, who he does get physically aggressive with). He is kind to Hermione. He had a great relationship with Lily. Even in the end, his last words to Bellatrix are 'you can do better than that.'

Sirius does not have a canonical love interest.

Sirius is willing to challenge Dumbledore. This is an important point - with so many people deferring to Dumbledore's judgment, including Remus, the Weasleys, and Harry - Sirius will challenge him and his decisions. He may not get his way, but Sirius has the personal strength and confidence to challenge one of the greatest wizards of all time.

Sirius was great with animals. Crookshanks and Buckbeak are prime examples of this.

Sirius is deeply flawed: he can get very intense. He can be rash, even if he has good reasons. He can be bitter to the point of hurting others ('the risk would've made it fun for James'). He can be cruel and condescending (my robes have enough filth without you touching them/wormail will piss himself with excitement). He can be callous (wishing it was the full moon, sending Snape on a potentially deadly adventure). He's a hurricane of deep, complex emotions.

Canon Sirius would obliterate fanon Sirius.

Happy birthday, Sirius. You would've loved James Sirius, Albus Severus, and Lily Luna. You'd have had the time of your life at Hinny's wedding. You are an absolute king.

#sirius black #sirius orion black #happy birthday sirius #tall sirius black #the marauders #marauders era #james potter #peter pettigrew #remus lupin #harry potter

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sunny44 · 7 months

Text

Reunions on the track

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Ex best friend!reader

Warnings: fights

Summary: Charles and Y/n have known each other since they were five years old, but with the start of his motorsport career they lost touch.

Years later, when Charles was driving for Ferrari in Formula 1 and Y/n had a degree in photography, their paths crossed again when she was hired as the team's new photographer.

I was accustomed to the Formula 1 circus.

The roar of engines, the team's hustle and bustle, cameras always pointed in his direction. But on this sunny morning, I was surprised with something or someone to be more specific. I entered the Scuderia Ferrari pitlane and that’s when I saw her, with her back turned to him, skillfully handling a camera. Y/n. Her name echoed in his mind like an echo from the past.

I assumed from the camera in her hand that she had filled the vacancy at Ferrari.

"Are you kidding me?" Charles muttered, addressing Mattia Binotto, the head of the Ferrari team. "Is Y/n here?"

Mattia smiled, as if he knew this could cause turbulence.

“Surprise, Charles. She’s our new photographer. Y/n has an incredible eye for capturing the most intense moments of the races.”

I made an effort to control the flood of emotions rising in me. Me and Y/n had been inseparable friends since childhood, but we drifted apart over time, especially when my career in motorsport took off.

We hadn't spoken in years, and now she is here, on the same team as me.

Our friendship was perfect, we had known each other forever, and I remember our mothers saying that we would definitely get married if we just got older. Over time, I realized that I had feelings for her, and I was willing to wait until we were old enough and then confess my feelings to her. But then everything changed.

I started rapidly advancing through categories, and then I just stopped talking to her.

I stood there for a few minutes just looking at her until Y/n finally turned around, and their gazes met. It wasn't a warm and joyful reunion. On the contrary, there was a moment of tense silence before Y/n broke it.

"Charles Leclerc, the Ferrari golden boy." she said, with a sarcastic smile. "Who would have thought you'd become so famous, huh?"

Charles felt his face grow warm.

“Don’t start Y/n.”

"Don't start? You just disappear from my life when you started winning races, and I'm the one who can't say anything?"

I don't know why, but I didn't think she would be this hostile.

"I was busy, Y/n. You know how life is in F1."

"Busy or not, you could have found a way to stay in touch. But, of course, you had more important things to do than to care about me." She looked at me, hurt. "But who am I to blame you, right? After all, with fame and beautiful models hanging on your neck all the time, I wouldn't mean anything to you anyway."

Those words hit Charles like a punch in the stomach. He knew he had made mistakes, but he never imagined that Y/n was so hurt.

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I should have been a better friend." She let out an exasperated sigh.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I'm here to do my job," she said sternly. "You just need to pretend that I mean nothing to you; I don't think it will be that difficult."

I simply nodded, realizing that the situation was far from resolved. While the engines roared in the background, indicating that I had to get into the car next.

And, of course, I spent the entire practice session thinking about how to have her back in my life.

Bonus scene!

Yourusername instagram stories

“First day of work done”

Y/n.jpg nstagram post

Liked by @lando.jpg, @Scuderiaferrari, @charlesleclerc and @maxverstappen

Y/n.jpg My dream came true and I’m in Monaco photographing the formula 1 Grand Prix

This is the best weekend of my life and here’s a few photos 🏎️

F1 welcome to the f1 family

Maxverstappen nice photos

Liked by y/n.jpg

Landonorris hello there

Carlossainz welcome to the team

Y/n.jpg thank you

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gotham-daydreams · 7 months

Note

Oh my god due to the recent Alfred ask it makes me wonder and scream at the thought if there has ever been a moment when Reader asked Alfred if there's something else they can call him. Like DAD perhaps...(and this can go for different routes and so many juicy things, but ill get into that later).

But since the backstory is up to us, I like to think the Reader has a bio family which was questionable(maybe I'm projecting), so they never had a good track record with their dad and then Bruce adopted them and we know that didn't end well.

So when they ask Alfred if there's something else they can call him ( a lil show that they do see him closer than anyone and that he's important to us.) We could have gone back and forth with him talking about what to call him and stuff when we jokingly say something along the lines of "maybe not Dad since my track record with such isn't the best." Maybe they open up to Alfred about how their family/ life was before they were adopted by the batfam. Maybe even admit they can't see anyone as a dad figure after them (😭), so the thought is uncomfy for them( this hits in so many ways.) Or how they're scared if they call him dad something will change about Alfred and become like their 'dads'.

Which will undoubtedly hit some strings with Alfred. Seeing as how every 'dad' has failed them to the point they can't fathom or be comfortable with seeing or thinking of someone as a dad. But the fact that BRUCE had played a part in it 💀... Which is what's making the Reader confused and feel unsecured in his own personal relationship with the Reader (on what to call him, but probably in other stuff as well).

Back to the top part of the reader asking what they can call him, and they end up at something along the lines or at calling Alfred Dad.

It will undoubtedly make his heart squeeze and scrumble( One way could be he's being called 'Dad' after so long). Probably make Alfred a lot closer to the reader than before. Probably stepping up to the title and being closer taking care of Reader even more, now that he knows they have that emotional bond( stronger than before and the permission).

For little cute ideas/cenerios I imagine he makes an even greater effort to come to our plays and tournaments and sit front row probably recording.( in a reserved seat next to all the other empty ones 😒). And get a lil prissy when he can't make it (ESPECIALLY IF ITS BC OF THE BATFAM). He asks some of the organizers to record it specifically for him if they aren't doing it already, so he can watch it live (or once handed to him)while doing whatever keeps him from going. All so he can talk about it with us when we come back home and show how proud of us he is.

Definitely gets us gifts for each performance/ tournaments. If he was present he would walk with us a while after it ended and get us ice cream or out for a celebratory dinner. 😭

Okay but now for the lil angst part in that moment when we settle on what to call Alfred whenever it would be similar or is Dad or a different title all together that would be the moment we lose any real attachments to the Batfam. Not seeing them as siblings or parental figures anymore. At most just wanted to impress them but that quickly died off and just just focused on what we do have.

Alfred would also know that that was the moment or the end of the falling bridge with the Batfam and Reader. Which would probably hurt him cause the Batfam is still his family, but now he also has us and sees our neglect and what the batfam's consequences are. Probably breaking his own hope of us being accepted/ integrated into it and the Batfam to being back a normal dysfunctional but loving family with us in it.

Okay but the real ANGST. It's not just the reader and Alfred having heart to heart or other situations between the two of them. BUT INSTEAD BRUCE HEARING READER CALL ALFRED THE TITLE WE SETTLED ON. And it doesn't have to be only Bruce that would work for angst because the others are smart so if they hear Reader call Alfred by the title... They know it doesn't correlate to them and their relationship of being Reader's sibling because Alfred isn't that title to them. Connecting and discovering at the same time that the Reader doesn't see them as siblings and hasn't for a time they weren't even aware of.

Imagining just Bruce sneaking away and thinking by himself or even confronting Alfred 😩😩. The Batkids doing their research seeing Reader live their life completely disconnected from theirs only hammering that Reader doesn't see them as family. The only thing connecting to them being Alfred and even Alfred is a different role in Reader's life than in theirs.

Maybe Batfam finds out about what the Reader tried to get their attention only to give up, maybe they don't and just see the Reader slipping away until the Reader becomes a foggy memory again until the Reader moves away like in the [Not] series everything follows.

Hope you enjoy 🥰🥰💕 drink water 💦

Yeah!!! And since there is another ask that's about the reader considering Alfred their dad, and how Bruce would react to that, I won't be going too much into how Bruce himself would react since I'd like to explain it there when I get to it- but I will say that in very, very simple terms. Bruce is not happy about it. At all.

As for how the whole name thing would start? Alfred would definitely say that you can call him whatever you'd like, but will definitely silently try to nudge you in the direction of calling him dad or something akin to that. He may not expect it to work right away, especially in this scenario where the reader already has a messy relationship with people who were supposed to be their father's in the past. However, when you do call him dad or something similar, he is literally about to cry.

He won't cry in front of you! But he might later-

Regardless, words cannot express the amount of joy he feels when that happens, and as you've mentioned, Alfred does try to not let you down. Unwilling to become another reason why you have a hard time seeing people as your father, or father-figure. He feels more inclined to look after you above everyone else, and tries even harder to be present. There isn't a single event of performance that he'll miss willingly, and even if he does- he has his ways of making it up to you, even if you know that it was out of his hands.

I think a neat detail would also be that the amount of unoccupied seats next to him slowly shorten with time. It starts off with there being a seat for everyone in the Batfam, but as time goes on the amount begins to dwindle, until there's just one for him. Maybe with the occasional one other seat beside him if it's for an event, and you get to sit next to him before going or doing whatever you have to. Further showing how you, as the reader, begin to care less and less about the Batfam, and really only see/recognize Alfred as your family. As there is only one reserved seat for him at each and every performance and tournament.

I think the idea of the Batfam noticing this and trying to fix it, yet the reader still being able to slip away, and them forgetting all over again is both just out right heartbreaking and infuriating.

Like, can you imagine as a neglected!reader, finally having your family notice you (despite you growing used to their lack of attention at this point), only to have them forget you exist all over again? Or just forget about you enough to where you still leave without saying much of anything, and only leave behind a note to the one person you considered family?

And imagine the Batfam- not only feeling, but knowing that they've failed you more than they could ever imagine? Not only making you feel alone and isolated in your own home, since they never noticed you, not only once, but twice? That's borderline unforgivable. They noticed you, and somehow still managed to neglect you all over again. It's astonishing, really. Maybe they do have powers after all.

But really- how I could see that happening is if they get too busy with the idea of you rather you yourself, if that makes sense?

Through their research and everything, they form a version of you in their heads that they're all clinging onto, that they unintentionally don't give the real you a chance. Hell, they don't even give themselves a chance to even see it as they drown in their own delusions. Stuck with plans and ideas they ultimately never saw through, either because they were far too worried to further mess things up (like a certain brooding bat), or were far too certain of the outcome and therefore came up with more ideas and plans that they ended up not doing. Like a certain robin who, after two generations, finally wore pants. So by the time they realize their mistake, (which probably happenss when one of them finally decides to actually act on a plan they made) you're gone. Lost to the wind. Like a distant whisper they nevr quite heard, but dreamed about encountering ever since. Forgetting that chasing and searching were things they could do right from the start instead.

Though Alfred and the reader having a heart to heart? Please, we could all really use that. Forget about how horrible Alfred is behind the scenes- we need the closest thing we can get to a positive influence in this family. Or really just a good source of comfort, honestly.

Though his dying hope does break his heart, he just takes it as another opportunity to fill in the shoes of being your father. Even if at this point it means being your only family out of everyone in the Batfam, then so be it. He'll just have to fill in where they refuse to, but he doesn't mind since it gets him more time with you- and I can imagine that, despite the hurt of realizing that you'll never be 'fully' apart of the Wayne family, at least you have a part with Alfred and the Pennyworth's. And there is some comfort and reassurance that comes with that. Since, while you may not be able to have this big, huge family- at least you have this small, comfortable one right here with Alfred.

Hell, this time around Alfred might even fully support the reader moving away, as he's more certain than ever that he'll still have that connection with them. That he and the reader will actually communicate, and as long as he can still see them and so on- he doesn't mind.

He'll let the Batfam run around, and play dumb at all the right moments with that sassy, sarcastic attitude of his. Letting them know that they've wasted their opportunity- wasted the one real chance they had with you, and probably won't be getting another one.

After all, it isn't his fault that they fucked up. If anything, he's probably the only reason why the reader is connected to the Batfam at all, or even associates with them the smallest amount. It isn't because of Bruce or any of the others. It's because of Alfred. Even if he won't say it out loud, he'll make sure that they all know it one way or another, and though Alfred doesn't necessarily view himself as cruel- he wouldn't mind throwing a little shade if it meant emphazing that point a little further.

You are his kid. His family. Why would they think otherwise?

On a lighter, more wholesome note, I definitely agree with the more light/cuter ideas!!

Alfred is definitely spoiling you if he can help it, and will poorly disguise his favoritism- though probably would stop even trying to hide it all together at some point.

There is never a moment where Alfred doesn't/won't remind you of how proud of you he is, and how much you've improved. He isn't afraid to admit that you're doing a good job or doing the right thing, even if you can be reckless at times, to your face. And if you end up doubting your ability, or just yourself as a whole, Alfred will definitely be there to comfort you, and remind you of how well you've been doing and reiterate how proud you make him.

He wants you to know that he'll always be there for you, and by the time you leave, you still feel that.

Alfred also makes sure to check up on you and tend to your needs, along with spend time with you in other ways- which does include, but isn't limited to; watching films at home, baking/cooking together, sewing, reading, tending to the garden, and just generally being in each other's space. Maybe even a small hang out outside of the manor if you both can help it.

Nevertheless, that was a fun read, and I fully agree!! Make sure to drink some water and rest up too!

#talking daydreams #yandere batfam #platonic yandere batfam #yandere dc #gn reader #platonic yandere #neglected reader #yandere alfred #yandere batfam x reader

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thatfreshi · 7 months

Note

Possible request, one evening Astarion and Tav are cuddling, Astarion laying his head on their chest as Tav gently combs their fingers through his hair when they start softly singing an old elvish lullaby. Causing old and once thought dead memories to slowly come back to Astarion as he snuggles closer to them as he reminisces his past even shedding a few tears for the life he should of had and Tav is there to hold him and comfort him through it all

Recommended Song: Come Out and Play - Billie Eilish

It's well known between you and Astarion that he does not dwell on the past. After all, what's the point in grasping at something you can barely remember? Sure, he has glimpses of people, places, things, but they don't mean anything. If he tries hard enough, there are almost words to go along with the blurry faces, but nothing worth his while. You don't ask him much about those fuzzy thoughts, only when you're really truly curious.

One night, you're lying in bed after a 'family dinner' with your old companions, a little event you liked to put together every now and then. Astarion loves the attention, but it is in fact a little draining hosting your house, especially to your friends. The two of you are exhausted, and your sweet vampire nuzzles into your chest.

"I love them, but gods are they rowdy."

The two of you chuckle lightly.

"You know, I remember I said I thought domestic life would be boring, but perhaps I was wrong. Seems much better in our little world. Much calmer."

"I'm surprised you haven't gotten us into any more trouble yet. No stray crimes I'm unaware of?"

He doesn't answer for a moment.

"No... except for that necklace I got you the other day."

You feel the muscles in his face move, assuming he has some mischievous smirk across his lips.

"Oh Aster, whatever will I do with you?"

Your hand makes its way into his hair, slowly moving through delicate curls.

"Love me for who I am and never ask me to change, ever?"

You sigh.

"I suppose."

Sugar-coated words, soft hands, empty minds. Your mind wanders, the tired feeling merciless. The cozy, exhausted feeling reminds you of a song, and you begin to sing softly. At first, it's nothing but melodic little words, until you get a little further in. Something clicks in Astarion's head, something strange.

It's sunny, he's out on the docks, sitting next to an older woman. She's humming the song, and the two of them are just staring out at the water. He's fidgeting with something in his hands, some kind of charm. The sun is beating down on the two of them, but neither seems to mind. The melody fades out, and the woman puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Come, time to go home darling."

As fast as it came, the memory is gone, and he sheds a couple silent tears. You realize his breathing has quickened.

"You alright my love?"

"What... what's that song?"

You have to think on his question, unsure really where you'd first heard it.

"I don't know. My parents knew it, and I guess I just picked it up. They'd sing it during peaceful moments. I guess I do too. Why?"

"It brought back something. I think- I think I saw my mother."

Even uttering the words makes the tears fall faster. He's never had a vision of the past like that, nothing so substantial.

"Was it nice?"

He tries to catch his breath.

"Yes. It was."

"You want to talk about it?"

The emotions are confusing. Astarion can't figure out if he's happy, sad, or just shocked.

"We were just watching the water, and then she told me it was time to go. She called me darling..."

He continues to cry into your chest, and you just hold him.

"I guess you know where you get it from now."

A small smile takes over his lips.

"You're right. I guess I do."

That smile is quickly erased by guilt.

"Do- do you think she's still out there? Wondering what happened to her son?"

You frown, knowing he wants to hear the truth, but knowing it might hurt.

"I think any good mother would still wonder. Especially with a son like you."

His grip in your side tightens, as if he's afraid of something.

"Is it bad to say it's easier to think she's already dead? That she doesn't have to wonder anymore?"

"No, not at all. You can feel however you need to about it my love. I imagine with how long elves live, it would be a long time wondering."

He lightly laughs.

"It is worse to say I think I'd be too scared to look for her?"

"No. But why would you be scared?"

"Because I wouldn't be her son anymore, not the one she knew. Just some vampiric freak."

You trail your hand softly across his back.

"You're not a freak Astarion."

"You're probably one of the only ones who'd say that my sweet."

The two of you are too exhausted at this point to have a full conversation, just sentences traded back and forth, words you don't fully remember. But you do know he thanked you the next morning, for bringing back such a pleasant memory.

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #comfort #x reader

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scribblesofagoonerr · 3 months

Text

Because I can't loose you | Inner Demons

⟫ Alphabet Challenge, B- Because I can't loose you

Pairings: leah williamson x teen reader, arsenal wfc x teen reader

Thanks for all the love so far on this fic. It's overwhelming to see the response and thank you to those who reached out.

Also, I’d also like to thank @samkerrworshipper for giving me the courage to actually post these fics and not just keep them in my drafts 🫶🏼

Again, none of it's been proof read as I just wrote whatever came into my head right now so I apologise if it doesn't make sense at all.

Here's pt. 2 of inner demons :)

Is this something that you guys would be interested to read more if I turned it into a small fic series to write about the struggles which a teenager has with the added pressure of a professional football career while she is battling her inner demons.

Waiting in the hospital for you to wake up, it's clear to see how much all of the girls love you and there'll always be there through the ups and downs in your life.

TW: heavy angst and talks of SH, MH, suicide and death.

"God, she looks so tiny in that bed" Alessia was the first one to break the silence for the first time since you had been admitted to the hospital.

"She shouldn't be here-- I mean, she shouldn't be here in this... in the hospital right now" Laura struggles to express her emotions as her face sadens while she looks at your unconcious body attached to all the different wires and monitors.

"I... I'm not used to her like this, she's always laughing and joking around. This is different" Kyra says, the Aussie girl has never known you to be like as she is used to your cheeky and vibrant attitude, not the reserved and broken shell of a girl that you had become once again. "She'll be okay, won't she?" she asks quietly as she looks at the rest of the girls around the room.

"She has to be" Lotte states as she nods her head.

"She has us, she's family and we don't turn our backs on family no matter what" Kim tells them in a determined tone of voice. "Whatever her struggle is, we'll be there for her through it all. She's one of our own" she adds.

The last 24 hours had been harrowing for every single one of the girls on your team.

News had quickly spread round to the rest of the team and as soon as they heard, they all made their way to the hospital to join the rest of the girls.

They were all now sat waiting in your hospital room with anticipation for you to wake up.

"We should have realised sooner" Lia speaks up with a certain quiver in her voice.

"Why hasn't she woke up yet?" Beth was the first to ask the question that all the girls wanted to know the answer too as well but were too scared to ask.

"It will take time" Viv replies as she moves her hand to gently place it on her girlfriends' shoulder and give her a reassuring smile.

"But she should be awake by now, right?" Katies' eyebrow's nit together in confusion as she looks at the rest of the girls for any response. "I... I mean, you know, it's been a good few hours now, hasn't it?" she continues to ask.

"I... I don't get it. She was doing better" Steph swallowed the lump in her throat as she spoke up.

"No, no, she was... She is doing better. This is just a slip up" Katie tries to convince them as she casts a glance to your frail body lay in the hospital bed.

"This isn't just a slip up, Katie. This is different" Jen sighs in disagreement.

"You don't know that, we don't know what has happened or what's been said to cause her to do this" Caitlin states while she shakes her head.

"If she wakes up" Katie mumbles quietly, avoiding the hardened glare from the rest of the girls in the room. "I... I mean, it's been a while, hasn't it? She still doesn't show any sign of coming round any time soon" she tells them to defend herself.

"Jen's right, this is different" Steph turns to her fellow Australian as she bites her bottom lip in realisation. "This isn't just a slip up this time, this is... I think Y/N has been suffering in silence for a while" she tells them.

"Why didn't she tell us? We could have helped her with whatevers' been going on" Beth asks confused.

Nobody could know the answer to that, nobody could realise the inner demons that you were battling inside of your head once more.

The somber silence was quick to turn into intense commotion as all of the girls threw numerous questions around the room.

Did you stop going to your therapy appointments? Yes, they judged you on whatever you said.

Did you stop taking your meds? Yes, they made your brain foggy.

Have you feeling like this for a while and we didn't realise? Yes, you kept it quiet to not be a burden to anyone.

Was it something you saw that triggered it? Yes, your not as strong as people think you are.

There was only one person that hadn't uttered a single word in the whole 24 hours since you were admitted.

Leah, the one person who hadn't left your side the entire time.

The blonde just sat there with, a numb expression plastered on her face and her hand clutched onto your own tightly, afraid to let go.

Her sunken eyes were a enough to certify the blonde hadn't slept at all, instead she fought to keep her eyes open while she kept her eyes focused on your small vulnerable body lay in the hospital bed, where the wires were connected to the monitor that showed the slow, steady rhythm of your heart.

You shouldn't be here, you were doing so much better. You should be on the football field, partaking in the training session ahead of the game.

Why was that not the case?

"Girls, stop. None of these questions are helping right now" It was your Arsenal captain, Kim to speak aloud in her usual stern voice that quickly got the attention of the room.

"Yeah, you're right" Katie exhales a sigh and bites her bottom lip.

"How about we go and get some coffee? The doctors will round soon to check her vitals" Kim suggests to them all, a subtle way to get them all out of the room to take a breather from the tension in there.

"That would be a good idea" Steph agrees with the Scots' women and slowly moves to stand up from her seat in the room.

Most of the girls get the hint and exit the room until it's just Leah, Lia, Beth, Viv and Katie.

"Kims' right, it would be a good idea to stretch our legs" Beth states as she glances at the remaining girls in the hospital room.

"Yeah" Katie is a bit more hesistant to leave you but goes to stand up.

"Leah--" Leah begins to speak to the blonde.

"I'm not leaving her" Leah broke her silence for the first time since you had been admitted, a quiver in her voice that spoke for itself of how run down she was. "I'm... I'm not leaving her, Wally. I have to be here when she wakes up" she adds in.

"That might be a while yet" Viv admits quietly.

"It might be good to get some fresh air, Le" Beth's hesistant to suggest to the blonde incase she snaps at her.

"No" Leah was quick to decline.

"You haven't moved from the chair since you got here, Le" Lia says as shows her concern for the blonde defender.

"No. I'm not... I'm not leaving her" Leah's voice shakes with fear as she continues to stare at you. "I can't leave her" she tells them.

Knowing it wouldn't be any to try and fight her decision, the girls all begin to exit the room slowly as they turn back to look at the blonde with apprehensive looks as if they were hesitant to leave her.

"We'll be back soon, we have our phones on us if you need anything" Viv rests her hand on the blondes' shoulder as she starts to walk out.

As soon as it was just the two of you in the room, Leah let out a shaky breath as she let her vulnerability show.

"You need to wake up, Y/N/N" The blonde cries as she moves to bow her head down on your bed as she still keeps a tight hold of your hand. "Please, Y/N. Wake up, I can't... I need you to be okay" she continues to sob freely.

The noise of the monitors was soon drowned out by the loud wails' of the blonde, her whole body trembles as tears continue to spill down her cheeks.

She couldn't lose you, you were more than just her team mate to her.

You were her family, whether it was flesh of blood or not.

You were a part of her life, she couldn't watch you die.

#arsenal x reader #woso x reader #arsenal women x reader #leah williamson #woso #woso imagine #woso fanfics #heavy angst #leah williamson x reader #arsenal wfc x reader

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kokomyass · 2 months

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Neuvillette ☆ To be a Father

Neuvillette x Fem!Reader Genre: ☁️ Word Count: 1943 Trigger Warnings ⚠️ : none!!

a/n: hey guys yet again, half asleep when posting this....too tired to edit...really hope you enjoy this lowkey gave me baby fever 🔮🌙🔮

Neuvillette always thought of himself as an outcast to human society.

He would observe human customs and analyse them for decades trying to understand humans and their thoughts.

However, there was one concept he had never seemed to grasp despite his hundred years on Teyvat....and that was the concept of love.

Whether it was romantic love, platonic love or familial love, he always pondered what it would be like to fall in love?

Would it be a noticiable thing? Or would it be something that is destined from birth.

No matter how much he would tell himself he didn't need any sort of love, he always felt an ache in his heart seeing couples and their children interact.

However, that aching feeling in his heart soon turned to a warm one when he met you.

The feelings he felt around you exceeded any sort of feelings he thought he would feel after witnessing and analysing others relationships.

You were perfect in his eyes. You were beautiful and you were kind. You always knew how to reassure him when he became insecure about how he struggled to feel like he was included in society.

You knew Neuvillette was a genuinely caring individual no matter how humble he may try to be. He was always very busy but he always made sure to spend time with you even if it is while he is working.

That's why you knew he would be an amazing father.

"Hey, Neuvi, sweetheart!! I have some news...." you walked into his office as he looked up from the papers he was writing in with a warm smile reserved for you.

"What news do you have for me, my dear?" you were now stood in front of his desk. You placed your positive pregnancy test on his desk as he looked at it taking a moment to register what it was.

"I'm pregnant!"

The look of complete and utter shock on Neuvillette's face was something that would never make an appearance again...but you also couldn't ignore his trembling when he hugged you.

Neuvillette was happy to hear you were pregnant of course, it was something he yearned for many, many years, but he didn't know if he had what it took to bring up a child of his own....he wasn't even human.

After you gave birth you noticed that it began to rain quite a bit which made you chuckle slightly knowing that your husband was just a bit emotional about the birth of his own child.

Which brought you to where you both were now. It had been a week since your beautiful daughter was born and you had noticed Neuvillette had become very faraway. You often found yourself asking him things multiple times before he could actually answer, and he seemed to be acting rather clumsy (and for the record neuvillette is NEVER clumsy...) and it wasn't that he wasn't interacting with his daughter but when he would he would looked AWFULLY stiff...

"Ugh....I don't know what to do you guys!!" you rocked your sleeping daughter back and forth sighing.

You had invited your friends Chlorinde, Navia and Furina to your home to help you with Neuvillette's odd behaviour.

"Well, Y/N, have you spoken to him?" Navia suggested.

"Yes, Navia, of course I have! I asked him what the issue is and I even asked if it was about him thinking he wasn't a good father! But the same answer is always given....'I'm fine dear, don't worry about me just a bit tired is all' and then he calls it a day!!" You were getting stressed as you began to rock your baby a bit faster.

"Y/N, maybe we should...uh...calme-toi...you might wake up your daughter..." Furina patted your arm, sweatdropping slightly. You sighed as you slowed your movements.

"Your right...I just wish he would talk more you know, he doesn't have to take everything on alone now..." you looked down at your baby sleeping calmly.

"Well, Y/N, knowing how much he loves you I'm sure he will open up sooner or later...and I believe he will have to for the sake of your future with you daughter." Chloride stated, making you feel slightly better.

"Yes! Maybe you can ask Sigewinne, maybe Neuvillette may seek advice from her especially if he doesn't want you to know!" Navia butted in as she poored some tea for everyone.

"You guys are right!! Thank you guys you always know how to help!" a wave of tiredness washed over you as your felt your daughter begin to stir awake.

"As much as I would love to carry on talking my baby needs to eat and I think the postpartum symptoms are hitting me...."

You said goodbye to everyone and sat in bed feeding your daughter before placing her in her bed to sleep. Your eyes felt heavy and lidded and as much as you wanted to stay awake for Neuvillette, your body betrayed you.

You felt a soft kiss on your head as you stirred awake looking up to see your husband's soft and beautiful eyes glowing at you.

"My deepest apologies to you my dear, work was extremely busy..." you chuckled softly as you hugged him tightly, interrupting his sentence.

"Don't worry my love, as long as your okay that's all that matters. We missed you." he smiles as he turns to the small bed your cute daughter is sleeping in.

"I missed you both an immense amount" He strokes her cheek softly but the flash of sadness that was on his face for a millisecond didn't go unnoticed by you.

"Neuvi, what is wrong, please tell me." you grabbed his hand and forced him to look at you. He looked a bit shocked for a moment before hiding it under a very faint smile.

"Y/N, don't worry, you need to stay healthy and happy, especially for our daughter." he strokes your hair as you frown at his answer.

He went to sleep next to you as it was nothing but you were going to find out what was going on.

Time Skip

You had secretly made it to the Fortress of Meropide to visit some good friends.

"Are you ready for this D/N?" you look down at your daughter in her little pram as she giggles excitedly clapping her hands together.

"That's my girl! Let's go!" you kissed your daughters nose before pushing her towards the infirmary.

You made it to the infirmary and you were lucky enough to see both Sigewinne and Wriothesley there having a conversation. Sigewinne was the first to notice you.

"Y/N!!!! It's so nice to see you! And you too little Y/N!!" Sigewinne ran up to you as you gave her a hug and she pat your daughters head making her giggle.

"It's nice to see you too Sigewinne! And hello Wriothesley."

"Hey there, Y/N..." Wriothesley walked up to you smiling. "Does ya kid still hate me?"

You laughed, "Let's see" you pointed to your daughter as Wriothesley put his finger out to her and she grabbed it giggling.

"Would you look at that!! Finally warming up to your uncle!!"

That's what Wriothesley thought before your daughter began biting his finger very hard.

"OWW! Why you-" he squinted at your child as you laughed.

Time went on and you explained the situation to them.

"I must say Neuvillette randomly came down here to talk to me...he never does that unless he wants to get his mind off something." Wriothesley folded his arms pondering.

"Yep! And Monsieur Neuvillette asked me if it is possible to bring up a child even if you aren't human...now it makes sense why he asked that. Of course I said yes!!" Sigewinne and Wriothesley had confirmed your suspiciouns.

"Oh, Neuvi, he may have the most authority in the whole of Fontaine, but he doesn't know how to listen to me..." you sighed shaking your head.

"Who would've thought a little girl would make him act like this? This is the first time I have veer seen him like this..." Wriothesley chuckles.

"Me too....I've been hear for as long as I can remember and he's never been this distressed...." Sigewinne but in placing a finger on her chin.

"Well, I suppose I should go and talk to him then...thank you so much for your help guys idk what I would do without you." you bid farewell to you Fortress companions before making your way to the Palais Mermonia.

Time Skip

You made it to the Palais Mermonia and rushed through all the doors until you made it to Neuvillette's office pushing the double doors open walking in with your pram.

"Neuvillette, we need to talk."

Neuvillette looked up from his work, shocked to see you there. He stood up and walked towards you.

"Y/N, what's going on? What wrong why do we need to-"

"Do you think you aren't going to be a good enough father to our daughter?" you folded your arms staring at him in the eyes.

Neuvillette stared at you wide-eyed, he stayed silent and looked at the floor avoiding your eyes.

You cupped his face in your hands and turned his head to lock eyes with you. You placed you lips on his softly as he melted into the sweet and soft kiss that had heavy emotion subdued in it.

"Neuvi...why would you ever think that? When I told you I was pregnant, I had no doubts or fears....not one...because I knew that no matter what you would craft our daughter into an amazing one with your amazing qualities. I know it sound cheezy....but Neuvi, I couldn't choose any other man to be the father of my daughter, so please, don't feel like you aren't enough your daughter loves you, and I love you and as long as you try that's all we care about."

You spilled your heart out as you stared at each other.

"I-" Neuvillette began speaking but suddenly it began to slowly rain outside.

You chucked, pressing a kiss on his nose.

"No need to feel sad my love." Neuvillette chuckled at your joke.

He looked at your daughter (who was really excited to see her dad) and picked her up rocking her back and forth.

"Y/N, I'm sorry. Sorry I didn't tell you. I felt like being a dragon, i have no human exlerience and i would lead out child down the wrong path. I should've told you so we could work it out but I just felt so unsure I found myself going to Wriothesley and Sigewinne for comfort. But none of that comfort I'd as good as the comfort of my family I must admit."

You chuckled hugging him tightly being careful now to wake the now asleep baby.

"Does this mean you will do nappy changes?"

"Of course, dear, I must relieve you of that stress!"

"This is why I love you~" You placed a kiss on his lips as he smiled warmly, a smile reserved for you AND his daughter.

"I love you both, my happiness."

A lil bonus:

It was nighttime and the baby had woken up crying and Neuvillette had gone to take care of it.

However, you being a curious little cat, you spied on them.

Neuvillette held her on his chest patting her back, humming a sweet melody to her.

"...Papa..." you daughter said her first word.

You could tell Neuvillette didn't seem to understand the significance of this based on how he carried on with whatever he was doing.

Meanwhile you were crying...

Luckily, you were recording....it would be a reminder to explain to him later.

a/n: SOMEONE TELL ME THAT THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE BECAUSE I WAS A MESS WRITING THIS SHIT um love you guys hopw you enjoy anon that requested too 💜💜🍇🍇

#anime #anime fluff #anime x reader #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #neuvillette fluff #fyp #neuvillette #neuvillette x you #neuvilette genshin #genshin fluff #genshin impact x you #neuvillette x reader #neuvillette genshin #neuvillette fanfic #genshin fontaine #fontaine

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blingblong55 · 2 months

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Funny Feeling -141

Photo credit: @ave661 (left)

A/N: König will be done in the next post, I'm sorry I couldn't add him to this one..

Not a request but my own need for this:

141&Konig find out (same time as you do) that you have PCOS. You of course are sad because of the fertility issues and all the problems this condition brings, but not to worry, your partner is here to help and uplift you. ---- F!Reader, reader with pcos, fluff, angst, comfort, established!realtionship, tw: self worth issues ----

A/N: I needed comfort and well I figured you might too so.. here's this

"All the signs point to yes, the way you have given me a description and the tests we ran," the doctor breaks the news. "This can't be right? Maybe there was a mistake?" Your hand holding onto your husband's hand. "It's PCOS, ma'am." You shook your head. You read every article, and watched every video, and even though you said your signs must be for something else, here you are.

"What does this mean for her?" your husband asks, knowing you are just trying to find yourself in the void you've been pushed to. "Well it can mean a lot of things, for example..." the doctor's voice fades. Your eyes are on that desk, the lighting of the room only making this news worse. Tears form in your eyes. What does this mean? No family, no picket fence, and Sunday walk with your kids.

You wanted to cry and argue against the results but it's all there in that paper. Your heart breaks and you grip his hand again.

The ride home was silent, he knew it was best this way. You thought of it all, the giggles, the drawings on the wall, the stained clothes, and the staying up late that you'll never get to do.

"We're home," he mentions softly, his hand on yours again as you are lost in thought. All you can do is get out of the car and walk inside. You know it's wrong to push him away but it's the only thing that feels right. Your emotions are all over the place. You feel more disgusted with yourself. The hair that's growing on the chin and chest, the stupid periods you've missed, the weight gain, the way you look around and see everyone building your families and you, sitting in a bathroom, undressed as you look at the weight and wished you were 'better'.

John Price:

The first thing he does is leave you alone. He doesn't know how it feels, however, he knows that if he were in your place, he'd too need some time alone. He knows one thing, if the places were changed, you'd be doing something to make him cheer up, anything. "My love, I'm going out for a few minutes, you need me, I'm a phone call away." he kisses your forehead but when you refuse to let him kiss your soft skin, he sighs and walks away.

They say, to be loved is to be known and he knows you all too well. So, he goes to every store in town, looks for that one book you've been looking for, and then, there it is, the flowers, the takeout and the one blanket you eyed for a little too long when shopping with him.

Meanwhile, in the small bathroom, you lie down. Eyes on the ceiling as you feel yourself cry once more. Stupid, stupid, stupid body of mine. Why must this be your place? Why can't you give him the one chance at happiness? One kid at least, two at best and a stupid family dog that could be running around during family walks.

"I hate you-"

"Love? Hey, open up, I'm home," he says as he knocks on the door of the bathroom. "Go away-"

"Not happening, open up my sweetheart, let me show you everything will be alright," his voice was so soft and gentle.

Once he finally has you in his arms, guiding you to the cosy living room, he covers your eyes and smiles. "We'll talk about this all later but for now, let me release some stress."

"But-"

"Love, no. I'm not letting you think that just because of this condition you are less than any other woman out there. You are so much more than just someone who can give me children. You are this incredibly funny, smart and seriously kind person. You're my girl, nothing changes that, kids or not. Now, let's eat, watch some film I found and then, we'll stay up and talk about today."

Simon Riley:

You've been in the bedroom, looking at the pictures your siblings have sent you of your nieces and/or nephews. Their little giggles, the silly little things they do when they get annoyed when not solving a small puzzle. Tears form in your eyes. "Lovie, I got the bath- Lovie?" His voice was softer than ever. He recognizes that frown and the only thing he can do is walk to you, wrap his arms around you and give you a tight hug. His lips meet your forehead. "I feel broken like there is something very wrong with me," you confess as small tears fall. "You're not broken, lovie," he whispers.

"Well, it feels like I am, everything is wrong with me, I feel disgusted with myself."

He shakes his head, "If there is one thing I've learned is that even if you feel like you are completely worthless, it's a temporary thing. At the end of the day, you are much more than being the one I have a family with. So what if we can't have sleepless nights? You're not here to just be a mother. And, if we want kids, I'm sure we'll adopt or maybe we can search for other stuff- the point here is, you are much more than serving as some womb for our kids."

He kisses picks you up and carries you to the bathroom. "Now, let me take care of you, okay? You do it for me when I come home and it's time you get treated the same."

One thing with him is that he shows you his true love, admiration and excitement with acts of service. He won't directly tell you all his emotions but his actions do tell you all you need to know. As you lay back on the tub, he grabs your hand and kisses it. "Everything will be alright, I promise you that much," he smiles and slowly scrubs your body, the feeling of the bubbles and warm water soothe you.

Kyle Garrick:

It's bizarre. The rain pitter-pattered against the windowpane as you sat curled up on the sofa, your thoughts a whirlwind of worry and frustration. Today had been one of those days where everything seemed to spiral out of control. To be diagnosed with this condition had hit you out of a tidal wave, and left you feeling overwhelmed and uncertain about the future. Why must you be this way?

Kyle, your ever-supportive husband, noticed the heaviness in your demeanour the moment he stepped through the door. Droplets of rain clung to his jacket as he approached you, concern etched on his features. "Y/N, love, are you alright?" he asked softly, kneeling beside you. He knows you, that weak smile falters almost immediately. "It's a lot to take in," you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. Kyle wraps his arms around you, pulling you close in a comforting embrace. "I know, darling. But you're not alone in this. We'll figure it out together, okay?" he murmurs, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

You nod, feeling the weight of his words anchor to the present moment. You lean into his warmth, finding solace in the familiar scent of his cologne mingled with the rain outside.

For the rest of the evening, Kyle made it his mission to care for you in every way he could. He brewed your favourite herbal tea and fetched the cosy blanket to wrap you in it. He listened attentively as you, for so long, poured out your fears and frustrations. In between doubt, he offered words of reassurance.

As the evening goes on, he notices how the weight of your diagnosis left you with a burden. He can see the sadness etched into your features, the worry lines creasing your forehead as you sit and stare into the distance. "Love, what's on your mind?" he asks softly, reaching out to gently squeeze your hand.

You let out a heavy sigh, and your shoulders slump as you face him, "I just can't shake this feeling off, babe," you admit to him once more, that soft voice of yours tinged with sadness. "It's a lie no matter what I do, this stupid condition will always be a part of me." Tears well in your eyes.

His heart aches at the sound of defeat in your voice, but he refuses to let your despair consume not just you but him as well. With a tender smile, he cups your cheek, brushing away the stray tear with his thumb. How can you tell someone you want to listen to and understand them? How can you show love for them when they can't even accept love for something they can't control?

"Y/N, listen to me," he says firmly, his gaze unwavering. "This condition doesn't define you. It's just one part of who you are, love. And it certainly isn't your fault."

You blink back tears, your throat tightening with emotion. "But it feels like...like I'm broken," your voice barely above a whisper. He shook his head, his expression softening with understanding. "You aren't broken, Y/N. Not even in the slightest," he insists, his voice laced with conviction. "You are this strong, beautiful and capable of so much more than you realise. And I will be here every step of the way, holding your hand through it all."

With that, Gaz pulls you into his arms, holding you close as if to shield you from pain. He presses a gentle kiss to your forehead, pouring all his love and reassurance into the simple gesture. At that moment, surrounded by his unwavering love and support, you felt a flicker of hope ignite in you.

In the days that followed, he was your constant support and encouragement. He researched PCOS tirelessly, eager to understand your condition better and help you navigate the complexities. He accompanies you to doctor's appointments, holding your hand through every moment. He also made small challenges to not just your lifestyle but his. New healthier habits, medication, self-help books and moments of joy filled your life with him.

John "Soap" MacTavish:

The soft glow of the bedside lamp, once you reach the bedroom, casts a warm ambience in the room as you sit on the edge of the bed, your mind clouded with worry and uncertainty. You stare blankly at the floor, thoughts consumed by this condition. It felt as though the world had turned upside down in an instant, leaving you lost and vulnerable.

Johnny, your steadfast husband, watched you with concern from his place beside you. He could see the turmoil written in your eyes. Without a word, he reached out and gently took your hand in his, offering a silent anchor in this storm.

You squeeze his hand tightly, seeking solace in the warmth of his touch. "What am I now, Johnny?" you confess. "It's like... everything I thought I knew about myself has been thrown into question."

Johnny's heart ached, he can't let you suffer alone, not like this. "You don't have to deal with this alone, bonnie," he kisses the top of your hand. "We're in this together, remember?"

You nod, eyes brimming with unshed tears. "I know, but... it's just so hard," your voice trembles with emotion. It's not love if they leave during something so hard, they say. It's unconditional love when they stay, I say.

"I know it's hard, bonnie. But I also know how strong you are," he gives you a small smile. "You are much more than this diagnosis." It's beautiful, how in the middle of this heartache, he still gives you this funny yet warm feeling. "And I will be here every step of the way, supporting you, comforting you, and loving you with all that I am," he promises. -----

A/N: If you have this, I'm always here, it's okay to sometimes rely on others. This isn't something to be ashamed about<3

Tags:

@shadofireshinobi @kit-kats06 @joyfulmarvelofavengers @luvecarson @hilmiponken @asgardswinter @141swhore @miscfandomwrites @itstrapbunnybubbles @rockcollector3000 @certifiedcodbabygirl @eicee @liyanahelena @theineandonlyidiot @johfaam0 @goldenmclaren @froggy-anon @ghostslillady @moonsua1 @frizzseaberries @istillcantfindausername @idklols @saoirse06 @vampsquerade @undercover-smutlover @juneonhoth @tiredmetalenthusiast @enarien @simonssweetgirl @willowaftxn83-87 @ikohniik @nobodys-coffee @strawberrychita @sae1kie @queen-ilmaree @pbcartii @llelannie @macnches2 @anonymuslydumb @avidreadee123 @talooolaaloolla @skelletonwitch @bittermajesties @nyx_flower @sparky--bunny @honestlyhiswife @who-can-appease-me @ghostwifeyy @konigssultwithghost @kaoyamamegami @the_royal_bee @soapybutt17 @a-goose-with-a-knife @foxface013 @thegreyjoyed @mychemicalimalance @marshiely @tuihiatus

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bulbabutt · 11 months

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ok i wanna talk about tmnt 2007 and the way i think this is the best version of a leo and raph conflict, and also leo as a character

for context i've been talking about tmnt things kinda chronologically, so i'm gonna mention an unconditional understanding in 03 i bring that up in a previous post about that show and the family dynamics in it here if u want context for what i mean

i think this movie can really be appreciated for the place it has between adaptations, and the way character-wise everyone is more or less the same as they've always been but with a more interpersonal relationship as the focus. the main villain of this movie doesn't really matter, the conflict, the fights, that's not where the strength is (although, it is reflected in the conflict and ill get into that)

so tmnt 07 is one movie that kind of combines the 90s movies, 03, and mirage all in one place, and tonally is is similar to the show that will come after it, 12. if the 90s movies give us conflict between leo and raph, and 03 gives us the unconditional understanding between the two, 07 takes these two aspects and creates a story out of it. (debate in your own mind if this movie is a literal sequel to the 90s ones or not, its not that important)

the set up of this movie is we are in a post killing the shredder world. leo has been told by splinter to go get training elsewhere, there isn't much context for what happened to cause this, but i would bet its a similar cause to 03, where he had ptsd and lashed out at his father to which splinter sends him to his grandfather to get better advice than he thinks he can give him. the difference here is there is no grandfather hes sent to, he's sent on a journey of self discovery around the world to learn about it and himself.

the thing about leo as a character, and this goes for all leos, he's has a very black and white way of thinking. leo thinks he's been sent away because he's failing his family, that he's not a good enough leader. so he stays away for longer because he doesn't feel good enough. he finds a place where he can help and he does that. leo always needs a bad guy to fight, or else he's fighting his own demons. so he stays there for a long time. finding a place he can help quietly, never letting anyone see him, and becoming a legend to the locals because no one knows what's really going down.

april manages to track him down and tell him about whats going on with his brothers, how they're holding up without him and without being a team, and i think thats a good reminder for him that they miss him. he doesn't tell april but he finds a way home only after hearing about this. when he arrives and speaks to splinter, he says "i was so caught up in my own world i forgot about everyone else, i'm sorry i failed" he still doesn't feel like he's done anything of worth.

i'm gonna jump in here and say, you know how we all love rise raph? cuz hes the big brother and some traits that come from that are like being overprotective and taking on everyone else's problems and trying to handle emotions alone? well that's a trait thats usually leo's. but the difference with leo is sometimes that concept doesn't make you as likeable. sometimes it means you come off like a nagging mother hen who thinks they know best but in an arrogant way. sometimes it makes you mirror being a parent when no one asked you to be. leo's less of a passionate character than raph, hes more analytical and full of himself. he takes splinters lessons more seriously, and hes always trying to do whats best for everyone so they don't have to worry. this is something evident with 03 and 12, but its so specifically noticeable here because these traits make up the main conflict. i just want to bring that up so we start seeing leo as no different than some of our other favourite iterations.

splinter responds to his apology by saying "you owe me no apology, but perhaps you should talk to raphael, your absence has been particularly difficult for him, though he'll never admit it" but when leo greets him raph is brushing him off.

on raph's end, this is him being angry that leo left, and angry that hes back and everyone wants to pretend that he wasn't gone at all. as if the time he was gone didn't happen. hes lashing out because he too cant handle talking about these emotions. and hes lashing out by becoming a vigilante in his own right.

i see a lot of people misunderstand what raph is doing here, that "this is what the turtles always do" or "this is the same as what leo was doing how could he be mad" when that is not true. that's what casey does. its true that both leo and raph have been fighting bad guys on their own (as a way of dealing with their issues) but raphael has made himself a costume to disguise himself which means hes prepared to be seen. hes riding a motorcycle around, which is loud. this isn't stealthy, this is aggressive. his vigilante name is in the news. the turtles are ninjas, they silently help where they can and fade into the night and, very specifically, they work as a team. these turtles live in a dangerous world, what if something happened to him while no one else was around? they would never know because he never told anyone.

so raph is lashing out, and leo doesn't have a good way of dealing with it. he tries to slide back into being leader, doing what splinter says but he forgets how his brothers are, and with raph egging them on they get into fights they shouldn't. which leo specifically gets in trouble for, as the oldest brother, and as their leader. leo tries to be this better leader hes supposed to have learned to be, but it doesn't work and raph ends up back out there in his vigilante get up. leo tracks down said vigilante, and in his peak "leo knows best" moment, lectures him, not knowing its his brother. there's a scuffle, and the mask comes off. let me point out that casey knew this vigilante was raph but his own brother didn't, because leo has been gone that long.

so lets get into what this fight is really about. on the surface, its "wow you've been going out at night alone putting yourself in dangerous situations with no backup" and "so what you're just mad that i can do it without you" which leo would be right about. and this is the analytical leo, he really thinks that's all that's going on here. what hes missing is that raphael has missed him as a brother, and hes hurt that leonardo left and just came back no big deal. that he wants everything to be normal. raphael is always a character with big emotions and the only outlet he knows to express them is violence.

leo, who as we've established, went away to learn to be better for his family is angry that raph doesn't see that. he's mad raph doesn't appreciate the effort he went to, and he thinks he's just angry because he's not in charge. each brother sees the other as being arrogant.

this leads them to the big fight. no one can disagree that this is the best part of the movie (seriously watch the movie for this scene if you haven't seen it before) , but the real best part of it is that raphael wins. raph proves hes just as capable of a fighter as his brother, if not more-so. he uses those sais as they're supposed to be used, catching leo's swords and in a fit of rage he fucking breaks them, leaving leo defenceless and completely vulnerable to attack. you'd think he'd be smug that leo lost but he pauses, going through a lot of emotions in a moment, questioning what he's doing, why hes doing it. and leo finally looks his brother in the eye and sees raph going through something he didn't before, realizing raph hasn't been angry that he's back, but that he's angry that he ever left. they don't have a conversation, because raph cant handle all these emotions and he runs away, crying as he does. leo just watches him, taking it all in and realizing the error of his ways.

hearing leo scream turns raph around, but he's too late to help him, and this is where raph regrets his own actions because right then, leo is also proven right in his argument. because he gets kidnapped. if leo hadn't chased raph down, there is a very good chance that would have been raph being kidnapped. with no backup, with no one knowing what happened to him. that's why its important that the turtles are a team.

raph goes home full of guilt, and there's a good moment of showing how he cannot open up emotionally here, because he grunts, punches the wall, knocks over some weights and forces splinter to ask him what happened, because that's how raphael is. he laments to his father that he finally understands why leo is the better son, proving that to raph none of this was about their team, but about their family. conflating the two ideas in his head. splinter gives him a talk that mirrors what he said to leo when he returned earlier in the movie, encouraging him that he is a good son and brother. this shows that these brothers have very similar insecurities about their value to their family.

the rest of the movie plays out as you expect, they go save leo, they stop the bad guy, they reconcile and behave as the team they're supposed to be. but i just want to point out that the villains plot is mirrored in leo and raph's conflict. the 'villain' here is a brother who has been cursed to be immortal without his own siblings. for 3000 years he lived to regret his actions and decided to undo his curse, but he used the cursed stone versions of his siblings to do so. no communication, just thinking he knew better (which maybe he did) and lying about it. that caused them to lie to him right back, and try to overthrow him and destroy the world. this is just one family whose inner turmoil could have destroyed the world. you might say, oh that's not a very interesting turtles villain, but its not supposed to be. its not the focus.

this movie is all about the complicated relationship between a family, and i see so many people talk about it by trying to ask who's right and who's wrong. that's not how it works. life is more complicated than that, people are more complicated than that. its boring to look at this movie and just say "leo is wrong and raph is right" because that's not even how the characters see it. this movie is about leo and raph being mirrors of each other in their arrogance, in their insecurities, and in their stubborn pig-headed refusal to let the other know how they feel. splinter says as much at the start of the movie. this whole movie shows that without each other, they need to be fighting something so they don't get swept up by their own emotions, which they are both bad at processing. they are SUCH brothers. they are so similar emotionally, yet they have such a hard time understanding each other.

personally 07 leo is my favourite leo for his complexity, his flaws his strength, his growth. its sad we never got those sequel movies to get into the other brothers heads as much as we got into leo and raphs heads.

also nolan north and james arnold taylor gave the best vocal performances in this movie and they deserve all the credit for it.

#tmnt #tmnt 2007 #tmnt 07 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #07 leo #i will defend 07 leo to death does no one understand his autistic swag like i do #all leos are like this he just got to shine cuz the movie was ABOUT his and raphs issues #this has been in the drafts for a while and in the mind a LOT longer than that #sorry its long idek if thats all i have to say about him but CLEARLY its long enough #thoughts

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