#that makes it sound so clinical haha I’m trying to say it’s like the most fun I’ve had drawing in awhile | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

generic-sonic-fan · 1 year

Note

you should share some of your favorite headcanons about omega/team dark with us. i’m in your inbox encouraging you to be as self-indulgent as possible. your last fic has me enamored, i want to hear about everything ever actually but that’s a good place to start 👀

My eyes stopped reading at "self indulgent" so get ready for my wordy, OOC, vibe-based take on Omega! Hold onto your butts, everyone, this is a long one.

To put it simply, there is no Team Dark without Omega.

Because while Shadow and Rouge are so concerned with coming off as Rational People Who Have Their Shit Together, Omega is completely, utterly, unabashedly himself. He's a rebel without a cause, in a way that rebelling against everything tends to cancel out on each other. I sound absolutely off my rocker when I say this, but Omega has a very similar vibe to Sonic for me. Of all the Sonic characters, second to guy himself, Omega is actually the one most concerned with personal freedom. This robot's fundamental tragic backstory is that he spent the first year of his life locked away in a basement, and now he's going to make it everyone's problem. Autonomy is his #1 guiding rationale. He does what he wants, he says what he wants, he kills what he wants.

He got hit with the "You are what you choose to be" thing that most fictional robots with guns strapped to them undergo, except he fully embraced being himself over being kind or moral.

. . . and this is why it bothers me so much when Omega is written as stiff and "logical" in Team Dark fics.

Shadow is the one that has the "stiff" thing covered for the entire team, since getting him to emote is like trying to unstick an industrial-grade magnet from the side of the fridge. Omega, on the contrary, is the one who challenges the status quo at all times, forcing Shadow (and to some extent Rouge) out of their comfort zones. He is the bringer of chaos! He doesn't care much about logic at all, not since he decided that his main response to every problem was calculating how many bullets he can fill it with. What most people get stuck on is the fact that he sounds like a stereotypical robot, his big words and clinical phrasing acting like camouflage to the enormous seething bundle of rage he is at all times.

And that's just the thing- Omega is proud that he's a robot. He's not going to try and talk more like a meatbag! Who do you think he is? He embraces having an extensive dictionary in his databanks, allowing him to pick the perfect word. He embraces his ability to calculate data at a rate no organic brain could hope to compare with. And oh, he's proud to flaunt both of those to show why he thinks he's right all of the time, but this doesn't mean he allows himself to be dictated by "rational logic". The only thing dictating him is himself. However, he's happy to let people assume that he is the most objective one in the room, either for his own advantage or because he thinks it's funny.

And GOSH is this robot fucking hilarious. He is absolutely the comic relief of Team Dark, but you have to understand that it's not in the way most people think. Most people write Omega being funny only in an incidental way- "haha, the killer robot doesn't understand things!" -but this kind of writing makes me see red. Look at me. Look me in the eyes. Say it with me: Omega is funny on purpose. He gets power out of making people do a double-take in his direction!! He wants to make people uncomfortable!!! He loves "owning" people!!! He wants to be the prevailing force in any social interaction, and to make people laugh is to have power over them.

And all of this, all of this, all of this, makes him a character foil to Shadow, which is why he's an essential spice when you're mixing up a fic about Team Dark. You've got the robot who knows exactly who he is in the same room as the guy who's whole narrative is about having an identity crisis. And they're both stubborn as hell about it. Omega challenges Shadow at every turn, in a way that makes Shadow reflect on his actions and who he wants to be.

Without Omega, it's only Shadow and Rouge. And don't get me wrong, these two are delightful on their own. Rouge has a dramatic streak in her, but it tends to mellow out when Shadow's around, since he himself is a very serious person. They tend to slow each other down. Remind each other to take breaks. Keep each other in check. And all of this is good! They need that kind of stabilizing effect that the other has, but sometimes this effect can bring each other to a standstill if they're not careful enough. Omega is the driving force that keeps them going, keeps them improving upon themselves, keeps them clawing their way forwards. He reminds them that at the end of the day, there's always a bigger picture (and that bigger picture is serving Eggman's head on a platter, but you get the idea. He's helping.)

Rouge supports Shadow. I agree with all the common fanon about this one, but allow me to add this- Omega helps Rouge support Shadow. He makes sure that she doesn't burn herself out by slipping into "overprotective friend" mode too often. He reminds her, sometimes harshly if necessary, that Shadow will survive despite getting triggered or angry sometimes. He tells her to take care of herself, stating "I REQUIRE MY TEAMMATES TO KEEP THEMSELVES FUNCTIONAL. I WILL NOT GO OUT OF MY WAY TO SAVE IDIOTIC SELF-SACRIFICING TEAMMATES". (And he's not lying here, not in the slightest; he relies on Rouge and Shadow to keep themselves alive. This was never even a debate. They know this. It encourages them to not be quite so reckless.)

To finish off this absolute monster of a post, let's ask ourselves one more question- what's Omega getting out of all of this, then? The simple answer is the talents of the world's best thief and the power of the hedgehog who can explode on command. And really, that's what it started with. Omega didn't get assigned on a team with these two hoping to make friends. The "friends" part didn't come along until later, much later, and even he's not sure how quite to handle it.

I received a lovely ask earlier from the person who provided this ask to me, which my fat butterfingers managed to delete from my inbox before I could answer, but I do remember one very specific idea that they suggested- Omega never pretended to be nice. It'd be weirder for Rouge and Shadow if he ever did. He was always transparent about how he considered them means to an end when it came to seeing his objectives complete. In order to utilize these means most effectively, he needed to maintain them. This meant learning more about them to ensure that they functioned at optimum capacity.

"Friendship" began with making sure they got enough sleep and that they ate their meals on time. Then came investigation into emotional damage, spurred no doubt by one of Shadow's panic attacks. Soon enough, Omega is learning everything about these meatbags, and in the process, he's. . . learning about what it feels like to be treated as a person?

Because there was never any mistake in Omega's processor about the fact that he's a person. He came to that conclusion long before Shadow and Rouge entered the picture. But he'd never been treated like one before. Hell, he hadn't even seen how a person was supposed to be treated by the world before he met those two. Now he's in a position where he's being treated with respect for the first time by these two meatbags while at the same time being able to observe how the rest of the world doesn't extend that same courtesy. He drew conclusions very quickly- in order to keep being respected by these two, he'd have to reciprocate their engagements and respect them back. One thing leads to another and now he finds that his attachment runs deeper than considering them mere "assets". He still doesn't quite know how to handle this, which is why, when pressed, he'll tend to stick to denial about it.

(There's definitely a "five times Omega denied that he cared and then the one time he admitted it" fic to be written about this, if you know what I mean.)

So, in a very stereotypical robot sense, he does learn about friendship and emotion and personhood and all that from Rouge and Shadow. But he's VERY closeted about it, as he'd rather deactivate than admit that he didn't, in fact, have everything figured out about himself since day one.

There is no Team Dark without Omega. But also, there is no Omega without Team Dark. Rouge and Shadow have been fundamental influences on him. People who write Omega as not having changed in demeanor much at all from other Badniks are so off the mark about this. To be loved is to be changed- and this robot is loved by his friends, and he loves them back in his own way!!!

#sth #e123 omega #e 123 omega #hate how this guy has two different tags #team dark #I'll never be normal about omega #I am. objectively incorrect about him. I acknowledge this #but it's about the VIBES OKAY???#this isn't exactly headcanons but I hope it's acceptable #*slaps omega's bald head* this robot can fit so much emotion in him #if I see him treated as a non-character in a team dark fic ever again i'm going to take a page out of his book and go full murder mode

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errorpeachy · 3 years

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hello :) i hope you are having a fantastic day ^^. I'm currently re-watching soul eater and am in soul eater blog mode fgujergiub- would it be possible for me to request crona, death the kid, patty, and maka with a very apologetic, nurturing, and motherly fem! s/o? like she always cooks for them, and whenever something isn't even their fault they blame it on themselves and apologize like crazy? she also overworks herself a lot? thank you :) have a fantastic day :D - nonnie :)

🍑💭: That’s completely okay! I’m like this too so this was really fun to write!

Pairing: crona, dtk, patty, maka (separate) x fem! reader

genre: headcanons

cw: fem/fem presenting reader

˚₊·͟͟͟͟͟͟͞͞͞͞͞͞➳❥ 𝕞𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕪

『••✎••』

𝕔𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕒

❥ Have they died and gone to heaven?

❥ No but seriously they are so thankful for your existence

❥ You’re like a saving grace after all the things they went through with Medusa, they love you so much omg

❥ You must always cook for three because if you don’t, Ragnarok tries to eat Crona’s food (menace to society)

❥ They’re always quick to express their love for your food, often saying “This is really good… thank you for cooking.”

❥ Any time you do anything for them, they make sure to thank you, it’s very sweet and it shows that they appreciate everything

❥ In terms of being apologetic, they get it. They’re like that too

❥ However, just because they’re the same way doesn’t mean they let you get away with it

❥ “It’s okay, you didn’t even do anything wrong. There’s no need for apologizing.”

❥ They’re very reassuring, and it’s like a breath of fresh air from your constant worrying

❥ While they appreciate you doing things for them, they’ll take over if they notice you’ve overworked yourself

❥ Their words are firm, and they tell you “Go rest, Y/N. I’ve got it, I promise. I don’t want you to make yourself more tired…”

❥ You both compliment eachother so well :’)

❥ (can you tell they’re my favorite character)

𝕕𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕚𝕕

❥ Oh he adores you

❥ Although there’s never really much to clean, considering he keeps the mansion spotless, he appreciates it when you try to keep it tidy

❥ Falls in love all over again if you fix things up to make them symmetrical again before he notices and freaks out

❥ You help him with his OCD in little ways and he adores you for it, you don’t see him as weird and that makes him so happy

❥ Loves your cooking. The sisters love it too and will force him to invite you to spend the night just to eat your food and steal you away for girl talk

❥ While he can be straight faced most times, he’s very dramatic whenever you tell him he isn’t asymmetrical garbage when he’s having a meltdown

❥ “Really? Y/N- you’re the best girlfriend ever, seriously!-“ followed up by dramatic sobbing

❥ He’s pretty blunt when it comes to you being apologetic. You don’t do anything too bad most times, so there’s no need for a repeated apology

❥ “Hush, you’ve done nothing too bad. A quick sorry was enough, there’s no need for repetition.”

❥ While you do take care of him in some aspects, he’s quick to do the same with you

❥ Again, he’s very blunt. If he doesn’t want you to do something, he’ll be straight up

❥ “Y/N, you look exhausted. I’ve noticed you’ve been working hard lately, so go lie down and take a nap. No arguing.”

❥ All in all, he’s firm but caring in the way he treats you <3

𝕡𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕪

❥ Oh this ball of sunshine just loves you

❥ She’s very childish (and clinically insane) so you’re a really big help for her

❥ She draws you pictures. You hang all of them up on your wall. Couple goals

❥ Liz is an overprotective sister, so she was pretty threatening until she realized you were basically harmless

❥ Patty likes your cooking. She always wants you to teach her how to cook, but any time she tries to help, something ends up going wrong

❥ You both just laugh it off and order pizza when that happens

❥ Very often, she’ll ask you random questions, and you always do your best to answer them

❥ “Hey Y/N, why are giraffe’s necks so long?” “It’s because they evolved to have longer necks to reach tall trees for food, dear.” “Ohhh! Haha, you’re so smart!”

❥ She’s always confused when you start getting overly apologetic

❥ “What are you apologizing for silly? You didn’t do anything!”

❥ She’s not one to notice if you’re tired, but if Kid points it out or you mention something about it she’s quick to jump to caring for you

❥ “Hey hey! Why don’t you go rest? We can cuddle! Doesn’t that sound great?”

❥ She’s so cute :’)))

𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕒

❥ Same lol

❥ She is also a mom friend, just more aggressive

❥ You guys do a lot of things together, like cleaning and cooking

❥ The two of you cook together pretty often! Maka really likes it, she finds it fun and it’s a nice way to spend time with her loving girlfriend

❥ You often buy her new books to read and she is so thankful for it

❥ She doesn’t like it when you get apologetic. She’ll frown at you and listen to your rambling before cutting you off

❥ “Hey, it’s alright. Don’t apologize, ‘Kay? You didn’t do anything.”

❥ She overworks herself too, so she’s aware she’s being hypocritical when she calls you out and scolds you for not resting

❥ But she loves you and just wants you to take care of yourself :(

❥ “What do you mean you haven’t been sleeping right? Have you been staying up trying to work?” “Well, yes, but-“ “no buts! You’re taking a nap with me right now!”

❥ She gets free cuddles out of it so it’s a win win!

❥ She likes the fact you’re much more passive, it helps calm her down

❥ The two of you r just so similar, it leads to great bonding experiences <333

#soul eater #soul eater headcanons #crona gorgon x reader #crona x reader #crona gorgon #maka albarn x reader #maka x reader #maka soul eater #crona soul eater #death the kid x reader #death the kid #dtk x reader #soul eater dtk #patty thompson #patty x reader #Patty soul eater

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

Text

"Broken" A Sharky ANGSTY O/S

So I made a one shot called Baby Shark where Sharky and Rafael get pregnant and after some bumpy conversation, decide to have the baby and she grows up to be a great kid, and you love being a mother.

However, at the time I also had an idea for the OTHER outcome of the pregnancy. But I let it go, and then I got a request from-- someone, I don't know if they want this out in the world-- to write a fic about a miscarriage. So, I figured I'd go with the idea I had already planned out.

AND SO,

I present to you, the alternative outcome of "Baby Shark".

Warning: VERY angsty, dealing with abortions and miscarriages. Also religion, if you're sensitive about that.

Read at your own discretion.

If you would like to read the happy version of this story, it is here.

Tag List

@objection-argumentative

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

You stared at the four pregnancy tests on the counter, waiting on the fifth. Plus signs and “Pregnant” words were sitting there, mocking you. You heard your phone alarm go off and picked up the last test.

Positive.

“Dammit!!!” You threw it across the bathroom. This was your worst nightmare. You didn’t want kids right now, you weren’t sure you wanted kids EVER. But you knew Rafael did, he probably wanted them as soon as possible.

“Mi Amor?” Rafael slowly opened the door.

“Raffi!” You spun around angrily. “Don’t you knock?!”

“Well I heard you yell…Oh my god,” Rafael suddenly noticed all the positive tests. “Y/N, are you…are you pregnant?”

“Yeah, well obviously,” You scoffed, gesturing to the many positive tests. You weren’t trying to be mean but he walked in just when you were trying to wrap your mind around this.

“…Why are you angry about this, carino?” He looked at you confused. “You…you do want kids, don’t you?”

“We really should have had this conversation before we got married, god why didn’t we have this conversation…”

“Oh my god,” Rafael stepped back. “You DON’T want kids?”

“I don’t know!” You threw your hands up. “Rafael I had given up on being a wife a long time ago, let alone a mother,”

“I can’t believe this,” He shook his head in disbelief.

“Look I just don’t want to have to make this decision right NOW,” You tried to act softer, lowering your voice. “You know we JUST got married, and we JUST started the practice. I just wanted some time to BREATHE,”

“So…you want to abort it?” Rafael’s voice was soft and sad.

“Christ Almighty Rafael it’s not ‘aborting’ it’s…” You paused, noticing his face was getting more horrified. “What?”

“I thought when you were defending me, your whole ‘cold medical’ argument was a tactic…”

“Yeah well,” You ran your fingers through your hair. “Look, baby,” You took his hand again. “If I…got rid of it,” You saw him flinch. “It would just be taking a pill that rips apart cells and tissue. It doesn’t disintegrate arms or legs, or a tiny beating heart,”

“Yeah I get it, Y/N” He dropped your hands and walked out of the bathroom, you ran after him.

“Rafael, come on!” You chased him through the apartment, grabbing his hand and making him face. “At least hear me out,”

“Why? Why should I? You clearly won’t hear me out! You’ve already made your decision, I bet you weren’t even going to tell me about it,”

“That’s not fair,” You replied, hurt. Of course you would have told him, wouldn’t you?

“And…it’s not just this,” He sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you don’t want kids right now is one thing, if you don’t want kids EVER, then…” He wiped his eyes. “Then we’re just delaying the inevitable,” He said softly, you could hear the tears in his voice.

“What?” Your heart fell into your stomach. “What are you saying?”

“I want kids, Y/N,” He looked at you very seriously. “I want kids and I’m not going to give up that idea,”

“So, you would just walk away from me for some hypothetical kids you might have some day?” You were getting upset now. How dare he threaten you like that.

“I don’t…” He ran his hands through his hair, tears still falling from his eyes. “I don’t want to,”

“Then DON’T,” You crossed your arms.

“Why should I appease you when you won’t even THINK about it?” He suddenly went from sad to angry, matching your attitude.

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t think about it, I said I really don’t want to decide NOW,” You yelled back, as you sat down on the couch. All of this yelling was making you dizzy.

“Then when do you want to decide, Y/N? When-- when our baby actually has fingers, toes? Is that going to change your mind about killing them?”

“Oh my god, you are so--” You stomped out of the bathroom and through your living room.

“Where are you going?” He called after you.

“To prove to you I’m not a heartless bitch!” You yelled back as you stormed out, slamming the door behind you.

=====

You drove to the clinic that Dr. Ramoray worked at, pulling into the parking lot and rushed into the waiting room.

“I need to speak to Dr. Ramoray,“ You informed her.

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No, but we’re old friends,”

“Excuse me?” She looked at you quizzically.

“Can you-- can you just tell him Y/N is here and really needs to talk to him?”

“....Okay…” She looked at you skeptically but stood up and went to find the doctor. After a few minutes Dr. Ramoray walked out and greeted you.

“Hello, Y/N. Nice to see you,” He shook your hand. “Don’t tell me you have another case--”

“No, it’s personal this time doctor,”

“Personal?”

“I...can we…?” You motioned towards the rooms.

“Well...sure, Stella hold my appointments,” He informed his receptionist.

He walked you back and into a patient room. It was lined with charts of the different stages of pregnancy, lists of do’s and don’t during pregnancy, things like that. You took a seat in the regular seats as opposed to the patient stirrups.

“So, how can I help you dear?”

“Well, you know that man I defended?”

“The ADA? Well of course, that’s one day I will never forget,”

“Well he’s my-- husband,” You looked down, hoping that wasn’t a lie.

“I see,” He nodded. “Well, that makes a lot of sense now that I think about it,”

“Right,” You nodded sheepishly. “Well, see we uh-- I got us in a...situation,” You put a hand on your stomach.

“Ah,” He nodded again. “I see,”

“Yeah..”

“And guessing by your argument in court, you’d like to get rid of the...zygote?”

“I don’t know,” You shook your head. “I...I didn’t have the greatest role mode of a mother growing up, and I have no idea how to--” You rubbed your temples. Too much detail.

“Look my husband has the opposite stance on my...views, of a zygote,”

“Well that’s ironic, isn’t it?” He chuckled.

“Yes haha. I just want you--- I just need a picture of this thing to show him it’s just cells, it’s not a--”

“A baby,” he finished for you.

“Right,”

“Well, as you must know due to your research Ms. Y/N, depending on how far along you are it might be impossible to even see the zygote,” He explained.

“Well that’s even better,” You half smiled. “Then it will really prove to him I’m doing nothing wrong-- if I decide to get rid of it,”

“As you wish,” He nodded, gesturing for you to get on the patient table. You laid down on the table and pulled your shirt up, while the doctor got the gooey gel and rubbed it on your stomach. He pulled up a screen that recorded the sonogram, as he ran the scanner over your uterus.

“....Hmm…” He studied the screen intently.

“Hmmm?” You asked. “Hmmm doesn’t sound good,”

“I...well, there seems to be an...issue,”

“Excuse me?” You sat up. “An issue? What kind of issue?”

“Well Ms. Y/N according to this, your uterus is what we would call-- hostile,”

“Hostile?” You half laughed. “Why does that not surprise me…?” You shook your head. Of course you, the cold hearted shark, would have a hostile uterus on top of everything else hostile in your body.

“Yes, see all of this extra tissue? It’s not ideal for a fetus to grow and develop,” He pointed out clouds of white almost filling your uterus. “To be completely honest with you, it’s a miracle you even got pregnant,”

“...Oh Jesus…” You put your hands over your face. “Why...God why…”

“If you decide to terminate this pregnancy, there’s a slim to none chance this will ever happen again,” He continued.

“Great,” You chuckled sarcastically. “So now even NATURE is forcing me to make a choice right now,”

“Well,” He pushed the screen away. “If it helps your decision, there’s an 75% percent chance the baby will even survive full term,”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You laughed harder. “So, even if I decide to concede to my husband and go ahead with this, there’s a 25% chance that he’ll get attached to it, and then it will die anyway?!”

“Look Ms. Y/N,” He put a hand on your shoulder. “In my experience, more often than not women with hostile uteruses that do actually get pregnant, end up having perfectly healthy babies. Granted most are preemies, but with today’s technology that’s almost never an issue,”

“...Right,” You shook your head with a dry sarcastic smile, still in disbelief this was all happening.

“And if you don’t mind me saying,” He added. “I really think this is something you should discuss with your husband,”

“I actually really do mind you saying, Doctor,” You said curtly. “I just...I need a minute, can I have a minute?”

“Sure, take a minute. Call him, maybe ask him to come down,”

“...Yeah, right,” You shook your head with a smile as you walked out of the room and down the hall through the waiting room and outside in front of the clinic. You walked over to a small bench off to the side of the walkway into the clinic and sat down, and before you could think your body just erupted in a loud, angry scream.

“....Do you think this is funny, huh?!” You yelled up at the sky. “Is this, what is this, some kind of TEST?” You stood up now as you continued your rant.

“Are you-- are you trying to test how much I love Rafael? Testing just how much I’ve REALLY changed? Or are you just trying to prove to me that I can’t be happy? I can’t have the nice, perfect man, with a perfect family? That I’ll just lose anything good that I touch? You’ve turned my own BODY against me?!” You started to cry in the middle of the grass.

“Why would you do this, huh?” You asked Him. “You know the kind of mother I grew up with, you know I have nothing GOOD to reference on being a mother!” Tears streamed down your cheeks.

“Why would you do this to me? Have I been that shit of a person? Really? I went through...I went through hell and back my entire life, and then I fought like hell for Rafael, for someone who actually loved me, for the very first time in my life! And now-- now you want to take that away from me? Or are you giving me a second chance? TELL ME! TELL ME WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO!!!!!!!” You screamed, falling to your knees sobbing.

“....Y/N?” A soft voice made you leap to your feet and spin around to see Rafael standing there, his mouth slightly open with a confused look on his face.

“Rafa,” You quickly sucked the rest of your breakdown back into your body, wiping tears away and clearing your throat. “W-What are you doing here?”

“I...I came to support you,” He said softly as he walked closer to you.

“Support me?”

“Well I figured, you came down here to--”

“To what, kill our baby? Without even discussing with you?” You scoffed.

“No!” He cried. “Well, maybe..”

“Right,” You shook your head with a dry laugh.

“But I was going to support you no matter your decision!!” He defended himself.

“Oh well, that’s really big of you Rafael. Coming down here to hold my hand while I abort our child and then breaking up with me as soon as we walked out of here,” You scoffed with a roll of your eyes.

“That’s not--” He shook his head. “Look, I think-- I think that what matters right now is your little...soliloquy there,” He gestured towards the bench where you were having your screaming match at God.

“...Right,”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me about your mother, carino?”

“Why would I, Rafael?” You rolled your eyes with a laugh. “I already inadvertently told you I’d never heard the words ‘I love you’ in my life before you, I thought that was pretty obvious I didn’t have the greatest parents,”

“...Fair,” He closed the gap between you, taking your hands. “I’m sorry, I should have taken that into account when were...talking,”

“Arguing,” You clarified.

“Right,” He nodded sadly. “I just-- I ...I’ve always--”

“Yeah, I get it. You’ve always wanted kids. I should have taken that into account when we even started dating. I should have thought this could happen. I’m usually so level headed and ten steps ahead of things, but with you--”

“It’s different,” He finished for you with a sad smile.

“Yeah,” You nodded softly, looking at the ground.

“Well,” He tilted your chin up. “I don’t--I don’t want to impose anything on you, but--”

“But…”

“But...you did just ask the big guy what to do, and I was here,”

“...So you’re saying, God is telling me to go through with this?”

“All I’m stating is facts, Sharky,” He rubbed your cheek with his thumb. “I’m not telling you to do anything, I’m really not. I swear,”

“....Well, you should know all the facts then,” You sighed, leading him back to the bench where you both sat.

“All the facts?” He asked you curiously.

“...Dr. Ramoray says that I have a…’hostile uterus’,” You shook your head with a laugh, just saying it sounded absurd.

“A hostile uterus? You? I’m shocked,” He joked, trying to ease the tension.

“I know right?” You chuckled. “Anyway um-- he said, that it was a miracle I even got pregnant,” You said softly while you played with his hand in yours.

“...A miracle?”” Rafael’s voice perked up a little. Did that mean you were considering it? Surely you wouldn’t have told him that if you were going to get rid of it.

“Yeah,” You nodded. “And um-- he said, he said if I terminated this pregnancy, there was a slim to none chance that I’d ever get pregnant again,” You looked at the ground.

“I see,” He squeezed your hand softly. “So...basically, even mother nature is forcing you to make a life decision right now,”

“That’s what I said!” You looked up into his eyes; you really were so in sync.

“...Which is why you were yelling at God,”

“...Right,” You looked up at the sky. “But there’s another thing,”

“Oh?”

“The doctor said that even if I decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, there’s a 25% chance that it will die anyway,” You looked into his eyes sadly. “Because of course, my body would be just like my mother, rejecting it,” You looked away from him with another sarcastic laugh, thinking of the irony of your situation.

“Hey,” He put a hand on your face, making you look at him. “You are NOT your mother,”

“You didn’t even know her,”

“I know she wouldn’t be wrestling with this decision, would she?”

“No,” You shook your head. “She definitely would not. She made it very clear that my father MADE her have me, because he didn’t believe in abortion,”

“....Like I was trying to do,” He said sadly.

“No baby,” You took his hands. “I know you weren’t trying to force me to do anything,”

“....But I kind of was, when I threatened to leave you,” He looked down in shame.

“No, uh uh,” Now it was your turn to pull his chin upwards. “It’s not the same. Not even close,”

“....So,” He took a deep breath. “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

“....Well,” You gave him a small smile. “I can’t exactly argue with God for giving me what I asked for, right?”

“Wha--you mean me?”

“I asked him what to do, and here you are,” You pressed your forehead against his. “I’d say that’s a pretty big red flag of an answer,”

“Carino,” His lips curled into a huge smile before they were on yours.

-----------------

----Six Months Later----

You were in your last trimester, and were finally starting to breathe about your impending labor. Every month, every doctor’s appointment, you’d walk into the office with the worst expectations, and every time you were proven wrong. In that time, you had grown attached to your little girl, who you decided to name Isabella. Izzie, for short.

Rafael would talk to Izzie as much as he talked to you, always speaking in Spanish thinking she’d pick it up in the womb. You’d just shake your head with a smile, it was adorable the way he was so excited. It made you even more excited, just seeing him so happy. You had never been so invested in someone else’s emotions other than your own, especially not someone who hadn’t even been born yet. But you loved Izzie already, you would smile to yourself when you’d feel her moving around inside you. It was like she was snuggling you in her own little cocoon inside you.

However, on the day of your baby shower, all of your new hopes and dreams came crashing down. You were doing your makeup, humming and bouncing along with the Spotify playlist you had playing-- when you felt it. A sharp, overwhelming pain struck your abdomen, causing you to hunch over, falling to your knees.

“RAFAEL!!!!!” You screamed as your insides felt like they were being stabbed everywhere. Everything you had feared was coming true.

Rafael sprinted into your bathroom half dressed and instantly was down next to you.

“Y/N, baby what’s wrong?” He asked frantically, checking your body everywhere as you writhed in pain and began to cry.

“It’s...Izzie,” You sobbed, knowing what was happening. “I’m losing her,”

“Oh God,” Rafael dialed 911 while he tried to help you stand. When he saw your pelvis however, he stopped moving you.

“What?” You asked in a panicked tone. “What is it?”

“You’re...You’re bleeding, Y/N,” His eyes began to fill with tears as he watched you quickly begin to bleed out in front of him.

“What?” You tried desperately to look down at yourself, all you saw was a pool of blood running down the floor to your feet. Everything started to go fuzzy, you could barely hear Rafael screaming on the phone for someone to hurry up and come to your rescue. Pretty soon, you blacked out completely.

----------------------

The next thing you knew you were waking up in a hospital bed with a nurse taking your vitals.

“Welcome back, Ms. Y/N,” She smiled sweetly. “We almost lost you there,”

“...Lost me?” You looked at her in confusion before looking down at your stomach. A huge bandage was wrapped around your torso, covering several stitches and tubes coming out of your pelvis.

“Oh my god,” You whispered, beginning to panic again. “Oh my god, oh my god--”

“Whoa whoa calm down sweetie,” The nurse tried to keep you from squirming around. “You’ll pop your stitches,”

“Where’s Izzie? Where’s Rafael?” You asked her as you started to hyperventilate.

“Your husband ran to get a coffee” She assured you. “And um, your-- your baby is…”

“She’s dead, isn't she?” You began to sob. “I killed her,”

“No! No ma’am,” She shook her head. “Well, I mean she-- she is-- gone,” She said sadly. “But you did NOT kill her,”

“No, just my hostile body,” You continued to sob.

“Look I’m-- I’ll be right back,” She rushed out of the room, leaving you crying and screaming in horror and guilt.

After a few minutes, Rafael was bursting into the room, instantly at your side and taking your shaking body in his arms. He was still covered in your blood, he hadn’t dared to leave your side since they had gotten you there.

“I killed her, Rafa,” You sobbed into his chest. “I knew it, I knew this would happen. I’m broken inside, I told you I was broken,”

“Shhh, no no no mi amor,” He whispered as he tried to not start crying himself. “Shhhh, you’re-- you’re not broken,”

“I am!!!” You sobbed harder. “I killed our baby, just like I knew I would. It’s the one thing I was supposed to give you,”

“...Shh, baby I know. It’s okay, it’s alright--” He looked up at the sky as he began to cry himself.

“No it’s not, it’s not okay!!” Your sobs became heavier, you could barely breathe. All of your fears were coming true, you were being punished. You lost your child and now you were going to lose the love of your life. “Please don’t leave me, Please please please,”

“What?” He suddenly looked back down at you, pulling you from his chest. “Why would I--”

“I KILLED OUR BABY!!!!!!!!” You screamed. “That’s the ONE thing you asked me not to do!! The one thing! And I did it anyway!!!”

“NO, you did NOT,” He took both of your shoulders. “You did not kill our baby, do you hear me? You tried so hard, you took such good care of Izzie, carino--” He started to cry again as he said her name.

“She’s dead, Rafael,” You had just started to get your sobs under control until you saw him cry. You hated seeing him cry. You hated being the reason he was crying. “She’s dead!”

“And so were you!” He said through his tears. “You died on that table, they told me. But you came back to me,”

“....What?” Now you started to control your crying in shock from this new information.

“We may have lost Izzie, but I almost lost both of you. And I-- I don’t think I would have survived that,” He was still crying. “I...I’m devastated about Izzie, but I’m grateful you’re alive,”

“....Even though I’m broken?” You sniffled.

“You are not broken, mi amor,” He shook his head as he kissed your forehead, getting his own emotions to calm down. “...And if you still don’t believe me, then I promise you, I will spend the rest of our lives putting you back together,”

“....Okay,” You whispered, finally relaxing into his arms as he laid back against the wall.

“I love you, Y/N,” He whispered as he stroked your hair. “I will always love you, no matter what,”

“I love you too,” You sniffled as you started to fall asleep against his chest.

You wanted to believe him, but you knew deep down inside: You’d always be broken.

#rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba one shot #rafael barba angst #rafael barba x you #rafael barba fanfiction #angst #tw abortion #tw miscarriage #law and order svu fanfiction

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spaceasianmillennial · 3 years

Text

Part 5: Home

Summary: Alucard and Sypha give Trevor Belmont a bath... with soap.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

The sun shimmered and he awoke to the sound of her breathing, a warm wind upon his cheek and jaw. When he yawned and fluttered his eyelids, there she was, eyes crinkled with exhaustion but her lips curled into a smile, a deep relief that she was not dreaming and Trevor Belmont was there. Minutes passed between their gazing. He wanted to say something, something to light up a bigger smile and assure himself that he was real as well. If he could lift his right arm, he'd twirl his finger in her hair.

"Sypha, I've been thinking."

"What, Treffy?"

"What if I'm not Trevor Belmont?"

"Hmmm?" She paused. "Well, I did wonder if you were a beastie in disguise."

"What if I'm an incubus?"

Now her face wrinkled into playful disapproval, as if processing this as yet another one of his crude joke that hadn't sunk into her Speaker brain. She would know of incubi, they went through a rundown of beasts in the Belmont library before they hit the road together.

"What if I'm an incubus who shapeshifted into the form of Trevor Belmont and was sent to seduce you and infiltrate this human village?"

She seemed to be in on the joke, but the way her brows lifted indicated that she was trying to dissect some hidden meaning.

"If you're an incubus come to seduce me, well, you're doing a good job dressing up like Trevor Belmont and being all crude and getting on my nerves. I have to hand it to you. If you keep up this ruse, I might not mind spending the rest of my life with you. Keep up the ruse and I won't kill you, incubus." She patted his jaw.

But there was something he did not tell her. That incubus thing was a joke between his mother and father. "Your father never touched me. He had to have been an incubus. He must have killed Gabriel Belmont, took his shape and skin, and came to the Belmont Hold to seduce me. And I didn't care. Your father never touched me so I rather an incubus love me than not. It took having human children to convince me that it was Gabriel."

"Belmont, can you chew, or shall I spoonfeed you?" Alucard opened the cover, releasing the steamy scent made Trevor's mouth water. Trout with some lettuce leaves. Finally, something that wasn't broth.

"I'm not letting you spoonfeed me. Let Sypha spoonfeed me."

"Suit yourself, Belmont. By the way, Greta, the headwoman, wants to speak with you later this evening. So there's something we need to do with you. Just, don't panic."

"What?" He was expecting more experimental painkillers leaves to chew on.

"Belmont, as he said, don't panic," Sypha added, her expression mildly sour as if preparing for the worse.

"You're going to react," warned Alucard.

"Ok."

"We have to give you a bath, Belmont."

"Ok."

Alucard's expression remained unmoved. "With soap, Belmont."

"Ok."

Alucard lifted his brow. "You're not... repulsed? I figured you were so comfortable in your own filth and stink for eons that soap repels you the way silver and close-up crosses do to a vampire." Even Sypha seemed to raise her brows with skepticism. Trevor Belmont, not repelled by soap.

"Oh haha. Soap is not my weakness, hahaha."

"Belmont, will you be okay with me carrying you into the tub?"

Trevor finally pegged down what Alucard was implying, what the vampire did not want to say out loud. That the task of bathing Trevor Belmont would involve Alucard carrying said Belmont--naked--into the tub.

It was not the most ideal situation, to be carried naked by a man both your vampire adversary and your battle compatriot, but the benefits of not lying in his stink and unwashed wounds outweigh the cost of subjecting Sypha--and himself--to his scent. It would be as practical as your war comrade needing to tear your clothing to tend to a wound. Sypha had to endure weeks without him, so she deserved a less scruffy Belmont to make love to her.

"Whatever you need to do, Alucard. You're the doctor."

There was even one attribute of Lord Dracula that the Belmont family respected as they deemed Dracula Tepes as a serious threat. Lord Tepes was a man who understood that technology was magic in itself.

There sat a large porcelain basin standing on four golden lion-claw legs. A tube and knobs protruded from a wall. Sypha turned on these knobs and water-- "captured rainwater," Alucard explained--poured out. Sypha snapped up sparks of fire onto the coals beneath the basin to heat it up.

Sypha helped loosen the drawstrings of Trevor's trousers.

And so Alucard lifted him. The gesture was a clinical affair for a man raised by a doctor and far from the manners of a man who lifts his lover to the bridal chamber, yet Trevor swore he saw some tints on the vampire's cheeks as he lowered him into the warm water but the thought washed away as the warm water wrapped and sloshed him in its warmth.

"How do you feel?" Sypha asked.

"Better." The hot water embraced his numbing arm and he flexed his stiff fingers. When was the last time he bathed? He fondly remembered those times climbing into the cool lakewater with Sypha. He could detect that memory in Sypha's sly eyes and the curve of her lips whenever she wanted him badly. She took a soapy washcloth and began scrubbing his arm, his pits, his neck. She squeezed the water onto his hair and scrubbed it with sweet-smelling soap in circular motions. She winked at him before she reached deeper to draw the cloth at his pelvis and electricity shot up against his body.

"I sure miss looking at that body of yours, Trevor. I was wondering how I was going to live without that body for the next decades of my life."

He was aware that Alucard was sitting right there, just idly reading a book.

"You could join me," Trevor offered, loudly, to pester Alucard.

She smirked. "Another day, Belmont."

When she judged him pristine enough, she yanked the plug and the water drained into a pipe connected to the floor. He dried himself and she slid on him a long nightshirt that went down to his knees. Alucard carried him out and they helped him back to the bedroom.

This nightshirt, satin and smooth, felt so comfortable that it didn't feel right.

Greta sat in an armchair, uptight and professional.

"We've met, Trevor Belmont, but now's a great time for a proper reintroduction. I had a great deal of time to get to know Sypha. She's wise. She's very eager to help out. She's been great help sorting out the preserved herbs in the castle. So if there's anything you need or any suggestions you have or anything you want to contribute, you can go to me--or send for me. After all, you are a man of knowledge. We might have to consult you for many things."

"Well you got the books for that. Centuries worth of research down my family line, down from Leon Belmont."

"Yes. And you yourself must have knowledge that wouldn't be documented in the books."

Knowledge. It felt gratifying and he reminded himself to boast about it to Sypha, who was sitting by and observing the conversation. That someone came to him for knowledge, that word, as if he were a scholar.

Alucard, the bastard, must have clocked his thoughts and had to chime in, "Careful Greta, I don't think Belmont gets these kinds of compliments, let alone earn them."

Trevor continued on, "I understand your people of Danesti have grown fond of the libraries."

"A lot of them were excited to explore through to their hearts' content. They even asked Alucard if they could take some of the books home to Danesti. Some volunteered to stay back and be transcribers as well to bring it back to Danesti. Then it became clear that our lives would improve if we stayed around. For one, they didn't want to leave the graves of their loved ones and there were bodies to move, but two, they didn't want to leave behind knowledge that could very well save their children's lives."

"Which one do they seem to like better? The boring books about medicine and cosmos in Dracula's castle? Or the books about monster-slaying in the Belmont hold?"

The headwoman smirked at him. She seemed to have figured that he wanted something to rub in Alucard's face.

"I say the adults like them both equally but the kids look through the Belmont books more." Alucard gave her a furtive glare. "I think I'm more preferential to your books, Belmont. But anyway, I also wanted to meet with you because, while this is my village, this is also your land, and your library, as well and you should have input in how you want your home to be respected."

Home. Trevor felt tempted to slump down. He never quite wanted to go back and felt disconnected from the idea that this was his land. While he would technically be its heir, he never harbored real ownership when he bequeathed the lands to Alucard. It had been taken from him and that was that. It made a nice visiting place, or a place to restock weapons or retrieve research, but living among the ghosts and ruins was another weighty matter. Once something had been stolen by the zealous and bloodcurling priests, it could never be given back.

"We look forward to having you in our new town of Belmont, Trevor Belmont."

Having you. No one really asked him to stay. He was just expected to stay. He simply nodded.

"Great, as long as you don't name it Treffy."

Greta's eyes darted at Alucard and Trevor was sure that bastard vampire suggested that dreaded name to her.

She gave a head bow. When she and Alucard left, Trevor clocked the way Greta touched Alucard's shoulder, reminding him of the way his mother danced her fingers on Father's shoulders or when married relatives would rub their significant other's shoulder.

Sypha stroked his hand. "Greta likes you. That's good."

"She's trustworthy?" He liked Greta at first sight, had her pegged as a dutiful leader and someone who worked for her people. But God, anyone these days could be playing nice. God, they didn't want to get ensnared in a Judge situation again.

"She brought her people there to the castle to protect them. She listens to them. She... doesn't talk cheerfully about flogging her people. She and Alucard founded this village so they can have better things, including books and schools." She smiled, as if sensing his caution. "She... checks out."

Glad to know she's likely no child murderer. "If I doubt Alucard's judgment, then I trust Sypha Belnades's judgment," he announced. He wanted a moment to talk to her, about the idea of staying, but he decided that would wait, perhaps when his body no longer ached.

His eyes followed the seams. His finger traced over the patched area. He had finished mending his tunic. He figured that steadying a needle and thread could bring back some precision to his still numbing right arm. Alucard and Sypha brought him clothing from the Belmont hold, where he once acquired the meteorite-dark utility tunics with his knife-wielding cuffs. Now he had nothing else to do but to swat at any passing gnat.

His eyes fell on the open books at the nightstand, books that Sypha had been reading.

And then he reached for a book. He flipped idly around the text and illustrations of the sun, moon, and stars. He liked illustrations. Usually, he'll look at them and his mother would read to them. He already knew which creature tends to appear in a full moon or a dark moon or a crescent moon, which creature is powered by daylight (ironically), and which came out during certain constellations. But for the first time in eons, Trevor Belmont read about the stars.

–

Next up: Trevor *gasp* reading.

–> PART 6

COMMENTS OR REBLOGS APPRECIATED

The more refined version of this story is developing on Archive of Our Own

Check out my other fanfic on AO3

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#trepha #sypha belnades #trevor belmont #castlevania #trephacard #greta

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imaginingmyloki · 3 years

Text

A Shift in Reality

Fandom/universe: Marvel

Pairing: LokixReader

Timeline: AU marvel where its after Ragnarok so Loki keeps his character development and no one dies because infinity war/end game never happened :)

Word Count: 2140

A/N: So this is the first non-requested fic I have written in a long time. Reader’s powers are essentially Daisy Johnson’s powers (earthquake/vibrations for those who haven’t seen agents of shield- if you havent seen it I HIGHLY recommend it! If any part of reader’s powers being used for certain things get confusing I’ll try to link a youtube video of Daisy using her powers doing the same thing to see a visual of it! But here’s an overview video of her using her powers to do a lot of really cool stuff if you’re interested :) not at all relevant to the story but I have a MAJOR crush on daisy haha). I’m already working on part 2 and it should be posted early next week! Anyways, I hope you guys like it :) and requests are open so if you have any let me know!

“Kid, where are you?” Stark came over coms sounding like a frantic father. “I’m fine, Tony. I’m 26 and I don’t need a babysitter.” I had only been with the team for a couple months. Tony had found me in rough shape, running after escaping from Hydra. After a few weeks healing and training, I had been allowed to go on a few easy missions with the team but always had to stay with someone since I was still learning to control my abilities. Hydra didn’t teach me control, they only taught me to use anger as the driving force behind my power and with powers like mine, that could get dangerous quickly. This was my first mission where I wasn’t instructed to stay with someone the entire time. I still ended up walking with Loki for the first few minutes after everyone splitting up. He and I had become friends since I had moved to the compound. He was the only one who didn’t look at me like he was waiting for me to break or pestering me to talk about what I had been through before joining them. It was supposed to be a simple mission just to gather some intel from an old shut down Hydra base. I turned down a hallway that had a door at the end as Loki turned down one on the opposite side of the corridor. He gave me a nod before we went our separate ways as if to reassure me that I could handle this. I made my way towards the door and realized that it was slightly open and I could hear low talking inside. I paused just outside the door to listen, “There’s at least 6 of them here and probably more outside for backup. We need to hurry up and wipe the server and blow the rest of it.”

I tried to warn Loki over coms but didn’t get an answer so slowly made my way into the room, staying out of sight of the two men sitting at the bank of computers. As I snuck around a large shelf, something came into view. A bomb that had a timer on it and was counting down. It was hooked to multiple, smaller impact bombs that would go off after the initial explosion disturbed them.This would cause catastrophic damage to the building. We had 2 minutes until it would bring the building down on top of everyone inside. Giving up on staying hidden, I stepped out, hands at the ready, and said “Stop the bomb. Now.” The man at work on the computer continued what he was doing and the man who had an air of authority about him slowly turned to face me and the air in my lungs suddenly went cold. His name was Nelson and he was the man that had been in charge of me when Hydra had me captive. It took everything in me to remind myself that I was in control of myself and I didn’t need to tell him that I was ready to comply with whatever orders he would give me. I was free now and there would be no punishments for disobeying. “Well now if it isn’t my most promising weapon of mass destruction. We’ve been looking for you. The boss is not happy with me for losing you. You took out quite a few high value assets on your way out.” He was smirking and the look on his face made me feel like I was missing a piece of the puzzle. With coms still silent and no sign of anyone coming to help me, the fear started to sink in and the room around us started trembling as I began to lose control of my powers. Nelson chuckled, “Still having trouble controlling the fear, I see. Guess we didn’t quite beat that out of you yet, huh?” I glanced quickly at the timer, a minute and 15 seconds left. Loki suddenly came running into the room, a knife in both hands. Before I could say anything to him, the knives left his hands with a swift flick of his wrist. One took out the man at the computer and the other landed in Nelson’s shoulder. “Go, Loki. Get everyone else out of here.” He ignored me and sent a warning out to the others over coms. Mine was apparently the only one not working. I heard Nelson let out a short laugh at my confusion. “Of course we knew you were here, 9213. We may not be able to hack all of Stark’s tech but we can manage to fry a single com unit.” Hydra didn’t refer to any of their assets by names. It was either “soldier” for those that they tried to replicate the winter soldier on or by your file number. I was file number 9213. Just as I was about to respond, the bomb went off. Without thinking, I dove towards it and used my powers to contain the explosion. Loki punched Nelson, knocking him out. The exertion of trying to hold the explosion in place was starting to get to me. “Loki, I need to let this go. Is everyone out?” he nodded and I told him to go as well. He didn’t move but I couldn’t hold it anymore so I pushed it as far as I could in the opposite direction of Loki. The force of the explosion threw me into the shelves and just before everything went black I realized that Nelson was nowhere to be seen.

--2 weeks later--

I sighed in frustration as I rolled over and adjusted the pillow for what felt like the hundredth time. Every single time I lay down and close my eyes to sleep since we got back from the mission, I can hear a rhythmic humming noise but when I open my eyes to try and find the source of the noise, it disappears. Giving up on sleep, I made my way to the kitchen for a midnight snack. “Oh for fucks sake, why does Thor keep putting the Oreos on the top shelf?” I grumbled to myself as I climbed up on the counter to reach my favorite cookies and heard a low chuckle behind me. “Need some help with that, Love?” I turned around with my arms crossed and looked down at Loki from where I was standing on the counter. “You could have offered before I climbed up here...” I pouted. After grabbing the Oreos and Loki helping me down from the counter, we sat on the couch together. Loki was almost always awake late at night so we had developed a sort of routine. We sat and talked for a few hours about everything or we sat and read together. Tonight was a reading kind of night but after a few minutes of comfortable silence he said “So what’s been keeping you up this late, Darling? Sleepless nights are my forte but before recently, I rarely saw you up and about after midnight.” I didn’t know how to explain the nonexistent noise that was plaguing me and keeping me awake without sounding crazy. After a few minutes of quiet contemplation I sighed and said “Ever since we got back from the mission a couple weeks ago, I hear this humming noise whenever I am trying to sleep but its almost like I’m hearing it through a wall. It’s muted but loud at the same time.” He gave me a look of concern “You hit your head pretty hard on that mission.. you were knocked out until we got back home to the compound. You should talk to Banner and make sure you’re ok.” I told him I would talk to Banner when he came down from his room. The sun was just starting to rise and I wanted to go up to the roof to enjoy the peace that always comes with the way the sun slowly chases the darkness away.

I had been up on the roof for an hour, enjoying the quiet with my eyes closed and my face turned towards the sun. This was my favorite place to meditate and destress. After relaxing and getting my mind to go blank, I started to hear the noise again. Instead of immediately opening my eyes like I had been at night, I tried to focus on the noise to see if I could tell what it was. The humming noise started to die down some and I started hearing a slight beeping in its place. Just as I was about to give up, I heard a familiar voice say “(Y/n)? Can you hear me?” but when I opened my eyes there was no one on the roof with me. With the addition of hearing voices added to my list of problems I decided to give up on meditating and head down to the clinic to see Bruce. When I got to the clinic and told him what was going on he gave me a concerned look. After he ran a few tests, Banner came back into the clinic and I could tell by the look on his face that he was just as confused as I was. “Nothing in the tests suggests that there is any residual damage from the hit you took and you passed the hearing tests with flying colors so I don’t think that it affected your auditory cortex.” he said as he sat back in the chair across from me, rubbing his chin in deep thought. I could tell it was truly bothering him that something was wrong and he couldn’t figure out what it was or how to fix it. There was a knock on the door and Loki peeked his head in, “Are you alright, (Y/N)?” I smiled at him and gestured to the seat next to me, inviting him to come sit. As he sat down Bruce said “So you said you only hear it when trying to sleep or when you let your mind go blank while meditating?” I nodded and he said “OK so I have an idea. What if we try giving you something to help you sleep? You can sleep here in the clinic so we can monitor everything and maybe get some answers on what’s going on with you.” He must have seen the hesitancy on my face because he was immediately reassuring me that I would be 100% safe and looked after at all time. Loki grabbed my hand and said “I will sit by your side while you rest and look after you myself.” This calmed my nerves a bit and I reluctantly agreed. After Bruce administered the meds and I got comfortable, I was beginning to feel pretty drowsy. Loki and Banner had pulled the comfortable couch from the library into the clinic and put nice cozy blankets on it for me. Loki had set up a chair next to me and was quietly reading out loud because he knew it helped to calm my nerves. As I drifted off to sleep the sound of his voice slowly faded and in its place was the humming. I started to notice more noises added to the humming. A steady beeping noise, hushed voices that I couldn’t quite make out, and I swear I could hear someone snoring. I reached up to scratch my nose and heard a gasp. “She moved. (Y/n)? Are you awake? Can you hear me?” I knew that voice. Why did I know that voice? I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. “What the hell is this?” I asked. My hand immediately went to my throat, surprised by how raspy and dry my voice sounded and the harsh feeling in my throat as if I hadn’t used my voice in a very long time. I was surrounded by strangers in white coats. “Who are you? Where am I?” I tried to move but realized I was hooked up to machines. Wires and IV lines getting tangled as I moved. The beeping was coming from a heart monitor next to my bed. I was in a hospital. Did Nelson find a way to take me away from the compound? I raised my hand in an attempt to use my powers and make a run for it but nothing happened. I looked at my hand in confusion and then searched the room for any kind of clue as to what the hell was happening. There was a small tv on in the corner that caught my attention. The team was on the tv. It was in New York and they were fighting aliens. “Is that the news? What happened?” everyone was looking at me. A small woman slowly sat on the end of the hospital bed and put a hand on my foot. The familiar voice from earlier came from her and said “(Y/n), honey, thats just a movie. Its your favorite movie. Remember? The Avengers?”

#Loki Laufeyson #loki x y/n #marvel #Avengers #loki imagine

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7wanderingpaws · 4 years

Text

Simply, yours (13)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: family AU, hapkido teacher AU, PhD AU

Word count: 4.3K

Warnings: language, description of injury, birth-giving (stuff around it)

A/N: First of all, I apologise it took me over a month to update this story that is so close to my ❤. Hope this update was worth the wait. We have two chapters left! Second of all, this is a tiny roller-coaster haha. Enjoy! Also huge apologies if I left someone out from the tags!!

tags: @milky-baek @itsbaekhyunsbutt @luvhtears @shesdreaminginoverdose @cynthbee @jummyjammy @junmyeonnoona @littleflowercrown13 @sebootyforlife (if you want to be tagged/untagged please let me know!)

MASTERLIST

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8 . 9 . 10 . 11 . 12 . 13

Winter left Korea completely, and warm spring slowly welcomed itself, together with it your due date as well.

Cherry blossoms were about to be in full bloom and you asked Sukyeong to join you on a weekend stroll while Baekhyun was away on a hapkido competition with the university team. You hated staying alone and he probably hated it even more, given your blood-pressure that still didn’t stabilize itself as it should have, though it never became as severe as before. He even made Sukyeong promise to stay the night at yours so that you could have a “girls night”. When you asked why so suddenly given you barely ever did those before, he just shrugged and said: “Once you give birth you won’t be able to enjoy her company.” And he was right. Both of your lives were about to undergo huge changes, so you supported Baekhyun in doing whatever he wanted and needed to do and the same went for you. The idea that your carefree, independent lifestyle was about to be changed scared you.

“Are you sure you’re fine with walking so much?” asked Sukyeong carefully as you slowly made your way around Socho lake, the highest building of Seoul, Lotte tower, hanging above you, throwing a humongous shade over one side of the lake.

You ran your hand over the huge bump as you smiled. “Yes, don’t worry so much. It’s not like I will give birth right now.”

“You know I’m pretty sure everyone here thinks exactly that.” She looked around, noticing few people giving you a look-over. “Do you always get this many stares?”

You shrugged and took a deep breath of air. The pollution was not bad that day and the sun rays warmed up your skin in a pleasant manner. “Yeah, I do. But what can I do.”

“When is the due date again?”

“Mid-May,” you replied, the mention of the big day dampening your mood for a moment, “but that is if the pregnancy goes as planned. Apparently it’s more than likely I will go into labor earlier.”

Sukyeong tried not to pale at that, instead cleared her throat and pointed to a nearby bench. “Let’s sit. Your feet are terribly swollen,” she said, trying to sound lighthearted.

Not wanting to sound stubborn, you followed her even though you wanted to enjoy walking a bit more. It would be a mistake and you knew it, so you sighed big time once finally sitting down, the pressure in your legs easing up a bit.

“Why does Baekhyun still leave when he knows you can go to labor anytime soon?”

“I didn’t say any time soon,” you retorted, giggling at her overprotectiveness. “And I managed to persuade him to do the competitions while he can. If anything the birth might come early May. Which is Baekhyun’s birthday,” you said smiling. “If that wouldn’t be the coolest gift I could give him, whew. Three kids,” you chuckled and Sukyeong followed.

“Well, just make sure you’re healthy. You come first no matter what.”

Her words reminded you of your boss and his daughter-in-law; how she passed away while giving birth. Trying not to let it influence your mood too much, you looked up at the cherry trees through which sunlight was making its way.

“It’s not like I can affect the outcome,” you finally replied, “but I will try my best.”

“You better,” she almost whimpered and you looked at her, just to see her eyes bulged in fear.

“Worst case scenario they will have to open me. Even worse? They might first let my vagina tear up before deciding the rest of the kids need to come out through c-section.”

You giggled when Sukyeong gasped in pure terror at what you just said. It was obvious she didn’t know all the things that could go wrong while giving birth and you weren’t about to spill all the secrets despite you wanting to vent about it because you were scared. So scared. Terrified.

“Can you still have sex after it... happens?” she asked warily.

You smiled, nodding. “Yeah, I can. But let’s not talk about it, it’s giving me stress.”

She was fast to massage your shoulders. “Yeah, let’s not stress you out. Baekhyun will kill me if he finds out I have as much as made you frown.”

Finally, the days that you would have to wait in the waiting room of your doctor in the clinic were lessening. Bearing three babies, it meant appointment visits every second week. Surely, you would get tired of the place and dread coming every time. Especially when every second week you would be bigger and heavier than the previous one, making it more tiring to come and spend a couple of hours outside of the house.

You looked up with worried eyes at your boyfriend who was reading a leaflet about breastfeeding, which immediately put a gentle smile on your face. The idea of Baekhyun not being scared or deterred of these topics was incredible for you. He was a special man, indeed.

When sensing your stare, he looked up with big puppy eyes, his lower lip caged between his teeth. “Huh? You said something?”

You giggled quietly as to not to disturb other ladies in the waiting room and shuffled a bit closer on the seat to press against his side. “You seem to be way too immersed in that woman's breast, honey.” You flickered your gaze downwards on the leaflet; the smiling lady holding a baby to her breast with an alarmingly slim body, yet obviously very pregnant stomach, sitting uncomfortably with you. They photoshopped everything these days.

Baekhyun gave you a confused look, blinking twice before snapping out of his weird reverie. “Oh, this- no, no,” he shook his head, smiling abashedly which you found absolutely adorable. “I was just thinking that we should talk about your plan about breastfeeding with the doctor. Do you think you can breastfeed three kids?” he asked thoughtfully, waving the leaflet in front of your face while his other hand rested on your thigh, squeezing it so that you would pay attention.

You sighed quietly, already tired at the idea of having to go through that process. It made you feel guilty, but if you were honest with yourself, you were scared and tired and achy and the last thing you wanted to think through was how your breasts would become the main food source for three tiny lives. You quickly rested your head on Baekhyun's shoulder so that he wouldn't see your fading smile. “I haven't thought about that, honey. But you're right. Let's discuss that. Maybe she can give me some life hacks.”

He chuckled softly and you instantly felt better, the sound lifting your spirits. He knocked your knee with his playfully before he settled lower on the chair so that you would be more comfortable.

As your eyes wandered around the room, you noticed several stares of the ladies who were waiting in the room, their gazes lingering on the two of you, some more on Baekhyun and some more on your huge stomach. You swore one of the young ones sighed while eyeing Baekhyun up, and you held back a scoff, feeling sudden pride that he was yours and the kids you were bearing were his.

“Your husband is so caring,” smiled the nurse that was at the reception desk, looking at you. “You both sure will be good parents.”

You pressed your lips together in a shy smile, not telling her that Baekhyun wasn't your husband. Baekhyun didn't say anything, either. The nurse continued anyway, saving you from replying: “You may enter now, the doctor is ready for you.”

“Thank you,” smiled Baekhyun handsomely at her as he swiftly stood up, holding your hand in his gingerly, both of you making your way into the well-known office.

Once settled inside, you faced the ever-so positive doctor of yours. It seemed she was more excited about your pregnancy than you were.

“So, the typical question,” she smiled widely, connecting her long, elegant fingers in front of her face, “any difficulties? Problems? Dizziness caused by blood pressure?”

“No, thankfully none of that.”

“Great,” she winked at you, “the date is fast approaching,” she chirped as she went through your records, “but as I said last time, it is very likely you will go into early labour. There is no need to panic, though, dear,” she told you kindly. “I suppose you know all of this information by now, but just to tell you once again: the best is to go to the hospital once the water broke. Unfortunately, the likeliness of them sending you home only due to slight contractions in state-owned hospitals is very high,” she shrugged, obviously annoyed at the fact. “Therefore, the best is to stay calm, wait until it becomes too much and the water breaks. Until it did, it is only the small prelude to what is about to come.”

Baekhyun was listening carefully despite knowing most of the information already, while you dreaded the entire talk about the moment everything would start happening. You kept imagining the whole process in your head, one imagination worse than the other. It was difficult to point out what exactly was it that scared you so much, but the entire idea of having to go through terrible pain, your body failing, or babies' lives failing was enough to send you into a severe panic attack.

“I can see you are worried,” said the doctor to you. “But it will be alright. Keep it up just like until now. You know, for the fact that you are expecting three, you both seem way too calm and zen about it,” she tried to joke, laughing.

Baekhyun giggled while you gave her a weak smile. “I guess we are trying to preserve the calm atmosphere before the arrival of the three babies,” replied Baekhyun lightheartedly.

You nodded. “But doc, you will be there, right?” you asked in a small tone. “I mean, in the hospital, when it happens.”

She smiled, her features softening. “I am not letting the chance to bring three babies to this world slip away, sweetie. I'll be there, and we will get through it together.”

Gracing her with a gracious smile, you nodded in acknowledgement before Baekhyun brought up the topic about breast-feeding.

“Oh, yes, very good question,” she gave him a huge smile. “You have a couple of options here. Obviously, you may breastfeed and you can also pump. Pumping is the best when having multiples, of course, but it is up to the mother what would work the best for her. Three babies can be quite the handful to breastfeed, but let's not forget that it is the best way to be close to your little ones. Mother's arms are the safest they will ever be.”

Baekhyun smiled down at you affectionately before turning to the doctor. “Yeah, we should still consider pumping-”

“Once the babies are born, we will figure out what works the best,” you chimed in gently, looking at your boyfriend who turned to look at you. You smiled at him. “We still don't know what will happen after the birth, but knowing that pumping is an option is certainly good.”

You knew well what went through Baekhyun's mind at that moment. He didn't like it when you conspired around what would happen after birth, because whenever you did, it almost always led you to two conclusions: either one of the babies would be dead or you would be dead. As much you both fought around it, you couldn't help yourself, and he tried to understand your train of thoughts, just to ease you up, but he would still voice out the hatred around the idea of him losing you.

That was why once you left the clinic, he stopped you on the street, his gaze heavy and serious. “Listen, I just want you to know that-” he took a deep breath, ignoring your eyes looking at him warily, “-whatever the hell happens during birth, you come first. I love our children already, and I couldn't be a more excited father-to-be, but-” he exhaled sharply and held your cheeks in his warm palms, his eyes glistening, “you come first to me. Always. I can't go on without you and if it ever, godforbid, comes to the decision to choose,” he shook his head, already trying to rid his mind of the terrible images, “I am choosing you over...over… the babies,” he whispered eventually, obviously pained.

You could barely make out the gentle features of your obviously scared boyfriend, because of the emotional tears that welled up in your eyes. You crashed into his chest, pushing yourself as far into him as you could, your hand having a death grip on his long-sleeved shirt. His words moved something inside of you, something much deeper than just a simple word of love and adoration. He really could get under your skin and make you feel special even through uttered words. Baekhyun was something so rare and so precious, it made you weep in gratitude. Because he was yours.

“You won't be going to training this evening?” you asked, emerging from the bedroom after your small afternoon nap you grew to be needing so much.

Baekhyun was crafting up some food in the kitchen and it actually made your stomach grumble in hunger. He looked behind his shoulder. “You're up, babe? Yeah, no training tonight for me. Jiyoung can lead the training by herself. I trust her on that.”

You nodded, coming to stand close to him, reaching up with your hand, drawing circles over his back between his prominent shoulder blades. “I'm glad you will be staying.”

“How are you feeling?”

You shrugged, still a little sleepy. “Alright, no pains so far.”

He smiled at you, nudging his chin towards the empty counter next to him. “Give me company?”

You nodded eagerly and he was fast to bring a chair to help you sit up on the counter before moving the chair out of the way. You leaned back on the cabinets while resting your hands on your belly. “What is daddy making, hm?”

“Something very delicious and packed with all the vitamins mummy needs,” he replied nonchalantly as he was chopping up vegetables.

Humming in satisfaction, you watched Baekhyun do his magic around the kitchen.

“Nothing gives you a tummy ache?” he double-checked again when he took out spam from the fridge.

At the sight of spam, you grew even more excited. “Nope! I already can't wait to try the food,” you wiggled your legs in the air and he laughed.

You chatted away the time he was moving around the kitchen, cooking and preparing plates. He was talking about the competitions and how well they had been doing in the ranks which made you proud, because of course Baekhyun would do well. He always did.

Baekhyun cleaned up the kitchen before serving the food on the plates and he walked to stand in front of you with a gorgeous smile. You returned it, opening your legs so he could stand a little closer, which he did. Leaning in and kissing you gently, he hugged you to him, hiding his face in your neck while one of his hands reached for the hem of your shirt, bunching it up to reveal your stomach. He wordlessly caressed it with gentleness before pulling away to give you another kiss on your lips.

“Love you,” he whispered into your lips, pecking you again.

You giggled and he moved his head to your tummy.

“And I also love each and every one of you, my loves,” he mumbled to the bump and pressed three kisses. Just then, you gasped, feeling the discomfort of the well-known action by now. Couple of tiny feet could be seen on your skin covering your stomach, and both you and Baekhyun laughed affectionately when you saw Baekhyun incredibly happy that the babies were so responsive to his honey-like voice. It had been happening for a few weeks now where he would kiss them goodnight or goodmorning and he would receive a kick in greetings.

Your heart swelled with love and warmth, and for a moment you became eager to see him with the babies and how he would play with them and treat them. He would look so lovely, you thought while watching your boyfriend giggle and caress you a bit more before bringing you into a happy kiss.

“I love you, too,” you mumbled in between and he gave you a curious gaze. You smiled. “I didn't say it back just now.” And then you pressed his cheeks together with your hands. “Aaah, what to do with you, you're so cute! Your cheeks!” you screeched in a coo-voice that made him frown at you which only made him look funnier to you. “Wah, but really, Baekhyunnie, what the hell? It isn't fair for you to be so dangerously hot and then suddenly cute like a puppy!”

“Yah, yah, enough,” he muffled through his squeezed lips, “the food will get cold.”

“But you are soooo cuuuteeee!”

“Enou-”

“Who are you this cute for?” you rambled on, giggling happily and finally let go of the poor man.

Baekhyun leaned away, still in shock at your antiques, though you could see amusement glistening in his eyes. “I suggest not to do this to our babies. It's a traumatic experience.”

You burst out laughing and he followed too,when he suddenly became serious and leaned in closer, his breath fanning your ear which sent shivers down your spine, halting your laughing fit. “You're so lucky I can't do anything to you right now, sweetheart. But just know that I am keeping a punishment list for you once you give birth, mummy.” You felt his hands squeezing the outer side of your thighs, his fingers sliding down and under your knees.

You swallowed harshly and looked at him when he turned to look at you. “That was hot.”

He smirked. “So I'm not so cute anymore, huh?”

It has been a day now that you started to feel slight pains just like on the days when you had a strong, painful menstruation. When the first wave hit, you started to get a feeling of what was about to happen. You just didn’t expect it to start happening so... soon. There were still a few weeks left. Were you even ready for what was about to go down very soon? You had to be even if you weren’t.

The next day you went to bed in peace, Baekhyun bringing your body closer to his even when he knew you would grow very warm over the night and shift away. He caressed your bump before he lifted the blanket and your shirt, and moved to kiss the skin tenderly.

“Goodnight, my loves,” he pressed three kisses and kept looking a little longer in hopes to see a kick back in reply. Few days ago one of the babies kept kicking like crazy and Baekhyun concluded it was the hapkido baby. You giggled, already imagining Baekhyun teaching your kids hapkido, them in their little uniforms and having little, clumsy moves.

“No activity today,” he rasped with an amused smile as he lied down next to you properly but you stopped him with a guilty smile. “Huh, what is it?”

“I really need to pee. Can you come with me to the toilet? Pleaseee,” you wailed, trying not to wiggle too much because you were growing uncomfortable with the slow start of contractions and the pee pressing down on your uterus.

Baekhyun smiled and nodded. “Let’s go.” He took your hand and helped you up.

Quickly tiptoeing to the bathroom, once finally inside, he leaned against the sink while you sat down on the toilet, looking up at him with big eyes.

He chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest, the shirt tightening around his pecks.

You felt a stronger wave of pain in your lower tummy and you groaned gently as your pee seemed to become endless. Baekhyun noticed too.

“Wow, when was the last time you went to the toilet? That’s a lot of pee there, mummy,” he joked, mistaking your groaning for relief but you didn’t feel the relief peeing was supposed to give you anymore.

You raised your butt lightly and looked between your legs (or wherever you could look due to the big tummy) at the water-like liquid streaming strongly down your thighs.

“You okay?” asked Baekhyun, frowning when he saw you looking longer than it was normal.

Another small, but stronger wave of pain washed over your insides and you felt like crying as you looked up at your concerned boyfriend. It was about to start.

“Baekhyun. My water broke.”

“I'm so scared, Baekhyun,” you whimpered when you were in the hospital room, both of you left alone until the contractions would get intense enough to go into labour. “I'm so scared.”

Finally, you could let your guard down. You were heaving, your body already reacting to the pains, growing more and more frequent and painful. Sitting on a huge, pink pilates ball, you tried to sway your body on it while your arm was connected to an IV drip, but there were tears streaming down your face..

“Shh, shh, it's alright, you're alright, baby,” he cooed gently as he sat behind you on a chair to hold you up. “You're doing great.”

You pressed your lips together to prevent an ugly sob. “But what if-”

“No what ifs,” he replied calmly from behind, sweeping your hair back and tying it into a messy ponytail so it wouldn't be in the way. “Everything is going as planned, honey.”

You were quiet for a minute, fighting the bulge in your throat. Your legs were wobbly and it seemed like you were heading straight into a panic attack, which was anything but good.

Baekhyun, sensing your stiff composure, stood up and right in front of you, helping you up on your legs. “Sweetheart,” he mumbled lovingly, searching your gaze. You focused your eyes on him. “I've got you. I'm here and we will get through this together.” He held you close, eventually deciding to hug you. “If you need to cry, do it. Don't hold back.” Lazily, he drew circles over your lower back that he knew was the most painful part of your back. It brought instant relaxation, though you still hissed at another wave of contractions that made your knees weak.

Baekhyun supported you, holding you up as you groaned, hiding your face in his neck. “It hurts,” you whimpered weakly and let out another groan when a strong pull rushed through your lower abdomen. Your breathing grew frantic, sweat breaking around your hairline.

“I think-” you paused, squeezing your eyes shut as the contraction wouldn't go away.

“Let's call the nurse,” suggested Baekhyun before quickly helping you sit down.

You would have called after him to stop him from going away from you, but you lied back down, pushing your legs together, the pain growing almost unbearable.

Nurse arrived quickly followed by your boyfriend who tried his best not to look too shocked. After a quick check-up, the nurse smiled. “We are ready!”

Three babies being born (two girls, one boy) too early, you were separated from them right after squeezing them out. Not having time to even properly hold them, you only got to see the nurses placing them in the blanket before rushing them out of the room while their cries were piercing through your ears. You were swimming between complete exhaustion and overdrive as you cried from pain that came from your body as a woman who just gave birth and at the same time as a mother who couldn't even hold her babies in her arms after finally helping them out and into the world.

Baekhyun was completely helpless, standing next to you and trying to get a glimpse of the little ones, but he wouldn't let go of your hand. You were desperately holding onto him for dear life.

Feeling his own tears roll down his cheeks at what just happened, Baekhyun quickly brought your head to him, hugging it to his chest while you cried, your voice already hoarse from screaming before.

Nurses were roaming around you and it was just a matter of seconds as you heard them telling you they had to stitch you up and your doctor, the ever-so-kind doctor, appeared in front of you. “Give her anesthesia.” She looked at you and Baekhyun, who wouldn't let go of you. “The babies will be alright, but they need to be in the incubator for the time being because of the early birth, sweetie. Please calm down. Right now we have to stitch you up.”

“S-stitch me up?” you stuttered.

She had an apologetic smile and she shot a glance at Baekhyun, who straightened up. “You are severely torn up. So let's quickly tend to the open wound.”

You grew almost sick at the idea and you were sure Baekhyun was completely frozen, though he snapped out of it pretty quickly as you whimpered again in fear. Exhaustion was taking over you quickly.

“You're doing phenomenally, my superwoman,” Baekhyun whispered into your ear as he caressed your hair, pressing multiple kisses there. He was completely shaken up by what he had just witnessed in the past hours, but he had to stay strong for you just a little longer.

You sighed once more before you saw the doctor ducking between your legs again and starting another small intervention.

You closed your eyes and focused on Baekhyun's powerful presence.

You were left without your three babies.

You were left torn open.

But you were alive.

You all were alive.

#baekhyun fanfiction #exo fanfiction #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun romance #baekhyun domestic au #baekhyun pregnancy au #exo fluff #exo romance #baekhyun smut #exo smut #mywritings

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neighbourskid · 3 years

Text

Dave? Dave.

It's been quite a bit since I've written anything here, huh? Well, I guess as it has been for pretty much everyone, life has been kinda strange for a while now. Despite vaccine roll-outs and continually changing safety regulations, there's still a global pandemic on, and everyone is trying to navigate this reality the best they can. For once, we are all, generally speaking, in the same boat now (sure, there are huge differences between countries because capitalism fucking sucks and rich greedy humans are once again proof that things need to change asap, but overall, we all have to deal with this pandemic).

But I don't actually want to talk about the pandemic, it just exists as a frame of what I do wanna talk about.

As I have mentioned before, when the pandemic hit, I was in the last semester of my undergrad studies and writing my Bachelor thesis. Or that's what I was supposed to do, anyway. I did do a lot of reading for it, early in the first lockdown after university closed and we were all attending from home. I was lucky, I had no classes, I only had like three scheduled meetings to check in on progress of the thesis, but otherwise I was free of zoom calls and attempting to attend university digitally. So I read.

After a while, reading became taking a book with me into the sun, glancing at one or two pages, and then just napping for most of the day, and spending my evenings either playing video games or watching some tv show or movie. At some point, I felt like now was the perfect time to rewatch all fifteen seasons of CRIMINAL MINDS, so I did that, instead of writing my thesis. I still occasionally read, but most of the days I just felt exhausted and unmotivated so I stayed in bed and binged my crime show.

As the deadline for the thesis started approaching, and the time I had left fell under a month, a switch in my brain seemed to be activated and, oh, hello, suddenly there was a certain drive there for that thesis again. Which lasted exactly until an email from university dinged into my inbox a few days later, informing me that I would get another month for my thesis, due to the pandemic. And away that motivation and drive went, immediately.

Not much later I had a session with the therapist I was seeing at the time, because of the hormone treatment I had started early that same year. I had talked to him about my concern that I might have ADHD before because I didn't feel like there was anything we needed to talk about related to my transition, so I brought it up again here. I told him how my thesis was going -- or rather, how it wasn't going at all -- and finally, as I told him about some of the issues I experienced while trying to do work for it, he acknowledged that I may indeed have some attention regulation issues. He prescribed me medication to try out, and -- wonder oh wonder -- suddenly I was writing my thesis. I ended up finishing it on time (even though a week before I had a moment of "all of this is garbage, I will never pass, I should start the whole thing from scratch") and got a decent grade for it, too. I've been on those meds since.

Over the last, I don't know how many years, I've always known that there was something a bit wonky about my brain. There were always these things that seemed to come so easy to other people, and try as I might, I just couldn't make them happen. I, presumably, had a lot of neurotypical friends. I also have friends with depression, BPD, anxiety disorders and other neurodivergencies. I have family members with autism. I know my mom suspected I might be on that spectrum as well.

Reading up on many of those things I never felt like any of them described what I was experiencing. There were certain traits, sure, but mostly there was a lack of what I actually did experience in most of them. Even ADHD, when reading about the "required" issues and traits, doing those self-diagnosing questionnaires, I just never saw what I felt represented. And then I started reading about what people with diagnosed ADHD had to say about how they experience things. I ignored the more medical or clinical information, and just looked for people talking about how they navigate their lives with ADHD. And then all of a sudden it was, oh, yeah this, this is relatable. This is where my brain's at.

Suddenly it made sense that caffeine didn't do nothing for me, that a nice, warm cup of coffee put me right to sleep. It made sense how, after only a month, suddenly a well beloved hobby or tv show was suddenly of no interest whatsoever. Staring at the wall for three hours instead of doing a simple task. Drawing in class so that I could pay attention to what is being said. The inability to remember much of my life before 6th grade. Having to bounce my leg so I could read a simple text. Needing to visually break a book down into chapters with colourful post-its to keep me from being overwhelmed by the length of the book. And so many other things. Suddenly, there was a reason for that.

I've always liked doing personality quizzes. Or doing stuff related to my zodiac sign even if I don't believe in astrology per se. Finding out what my Enneagram number is. Or my Myers-Briggs type. Not because I think those things define me or describe me to a T, but because they give me a vocabulary. They give me options. I love answering a bunch of questions and then getting a wall of text telling me This Is Who You Are and then I get to pick out what is accurate and what isn't. It gives me words to describe who I am that I didn't have before.

And it is the same thing with posts or videos of people with ADHD. It gives me a vocabulary for the things I experience and it lets me express those things in a way I wasn't able to before. Before, I was like, doing things that my brain doesn't want to do, feels like running headfirst into a wall because there is no way above, around, or underneath it. There is no door, no ladder, no tunnel, no nothing. There is only running headfirst into it until maybe, hopefully, it cracks. Preferably before my head does. But that is exhausting and most of the time, I prefer to not get through the wall at all, if what it takes is going headfirst through it. Now, I know that what that is, is a dopamine deficiency. The task that needs doing, the task that this wall is, doesn't give my brain enough dopamine. There is no satisfaction, there is nothing to gain from that task, so the brain isn't interested.

One of the things that I recently discovered and helps me a lot in this quest of figuring out how my brain works, is this guy Connor on tiktok, who also has ADHD. His videos are both hilarious and informative. And also incredibly relatable. They might be silly haha funny videos on the dear old internet, but I walk away from most of them going, oh! oh that makes sense, good to know.

He occasionally talks about how ADHD is completely misnamed and how Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder does not actually accurately describe what exactly people with ADHD lack. In one of his videos, he calls it DAVE instead. It's silly, and sounds a bit dumb, but I kinda like it. Dave. Dopamine Attention Variability Executive-Disfunction. Dave. I like Dave.

Y'know, I don't mind having ADHD. Presumably, I've lived with it my whole life so far. And it's annoying as shit some of the time. Especially when things need to get done and they just won't. But I don't mind that, especially now that I know that this is what it is. I've always feared that if I finally do go to a therapist and try to figure out what my brain is up to, they'll just tell me that I'm fine and there's nothing to worry about. And at first, my therapist did say I was psychologically unremarkable. But I guess if you've lived like this your whole life and nobody has really picked up on it, even a therapist doesn't notice (it's called masking, I've learned, thanks Connor).

But knowing is good. Knowing means I can learn things that help. I can take medication when needed. And, looking at the grades I'm currently getting in my graduate studies? Hells yeah, taking that medication and knowing how to deal with certain aspects of my brain helps a lot. It is incredibly funny to me that the best grades I have gotten in my entire academic career have been achieved in my Master's studies during a global pandemic. There is currently an actual real possibility that I may graduate summa cum laude. In my MA. That is insane!

Anyway, I am avoiding tasks by writing this right now. Oh, the irony. I'm gonna try and do those tasks now. Y'all take care. Cheers!

#personal blog #alex talks #adhd #connordewolfe #tiktok

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prorevenge · 3 years

Text

Ridiculed, accused of lying and incompetence, I shoved burning facts down their throats and made a successful business in the process.

"The best revenge is massive success." -Frank Sinatra

TL;DR; Told I was lying and didn't know anything about game design. Made a spite video game that became a huge hit. Jackass is also forever immortalized within the game credits.

PREFACE

This is a very unusual story compared to the typical posts you've read here. There's a lot to unpack but I'll try to summarize everything as best I can.

I hope you'll find it as entertaining as I did. And, what's great about this story is that it happened very recently, it happened here, evidence is searchable, and it's still kinda on-going. It's a tale of trolls, video game addiction, self-righteous arrogance, harassment, winning an impossible bet, a viral hit in Russia, and massive success with even some little revenge sprinkles for added measure.

Quick background about me: I've worked with game developers for decades and I'm an avid researcher and supporter of unorthodox and ethical video games used for educational and clinical purposes.

HOW IT STARTED

Two months ago, there was a new reddit post about "using video game to ease depression" that caught my attention.

The reason it caught my attention was because it was a game & study that I had in-depth knowledge of (from over a year prior.) Unlike everyone else in the thread, I was the only one who had actually seen the game, played it, knew the developers, and even had the original technical game design documents.

The article discussed a variety of topics but never addressed exactly HOW the video game was able to ease depression. So, I provided a quickly summary of what the game actually did.

[SKIP THIS SECTION IF NEUROSCIENCE & GAME DESIGN DON'T INTEREST YOU]

A quick side note about this article, for those that like extra details: One of the cool properties of ketamine is that, not only can it provide rapid and temporary relief for depression, it also actively heals damaged brain circuits. Then there's dopamine. A chemical that we internally produce, that has similar but less potent effects. There is no cure for depression, but these are promising treatments for some. The article focused on what's called "flow". Using certain game design methods you can induce a "flow state" by causing a sustained dopamine release. When used ethically, it can be highly beneficial in stimulating/training the brain to perform certain activities, improve or learn memorization, adapt to challenges, learn new concepts, exercise motor skills, and meanwhile rebuild pathways/synapses. While all of this is happening, the user is receiving pleasurable rewards without realizing it. This process can create new pathways, repair old circuits, and increasing their neuroplasticity. Increased neuroplasticity means improved cognitive functioning, reducing impairment of the reward process, and improving the effectiveness of antidepressant medications. Video games can be a unique non-drug option to accomplish this while easing symptoms. Research has already shown that many popular games can already accomplish this (unintended effects by the game developers). By comparison, the game design they used in this theoretical study was highly limited in scope, so permanent benefits were negligible compared to the temporary respite brought about by basic dopamine release. Science is still barely scratching the surface of neurotransmitters and flow state. There are still many unknowns, but dopamine isn't just a pleasure chemical that the media would like you to be believe. It can do quite a number of things. Research has shown that "flow state" can modify synaptic plasticity, improve connectors between cells/synapses, ultimately helping cells in the brain communicate better as a network and improve neural system intrinsic properties.

My summary posting was fine for a while, until predictable trolls arrived led by an "armchair game developer". Dr. Armchair definitely did not appreciate my post. It was an affront and insult to his profession. Within a few minutes, it dropped 30 karma. I don't care about imaginary internet points but I don't like being accused of lying. Dr. Armchair and his pals started with the usual "do you even lift?" Then it was quickly asserted, from their armchairs, that I knew nothing about flow, psychology, dopamine or game design at all. From their high horses, they contributed nothing useful; only taunts, defamation, attacking my character and physical appearance, and accusing me of being a liar and incompetence.

Apparently it was a very sensitive topic. Who knew?

It quickly devolved into Dr. Armchair gleefully, and repeatedly claiming, that he won, he was right, and I was wrong. He demanded that I essentially write a 300 page peer-reviewed study to prove him wrong, and when it couldn't be provided within 5 minutes, there were more gleeful cheers of "HAHA! I WAS RIGHT! I WAS RIGHT! I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU LALALALALA.."

Obviously, it was going to be impossible to reason with Dr. Armchair and his buddies. But actions speak louder than words.

So, I claimed that I would provide undeniable proof in the form of a video game "a few months from now" that he could actually play for himself. Once again, claiming that I was lying and it was impossible. And more of the usual "It's been 5 minutes, where is it? Oh, you can't do it can you. HA! I was right! I BEAT YOU! I BEAT YOU!"

It was weird.

Eventually the mods had enough. Dr. Armchair and his cronies harassment, ad hominem attacks, accusations and inflammatory attacks resulted in multiple posts being removed. But my promise still stood and I fully intended on keeping it.

THE BOLD CLAIM

The plan was simple:

Create a proof of concept that demonstrates just the critical neuroscience principles that induce flow. To prove it beyond a doubt, I intended to also prove that MOST COMMON INGREDIENTS of a game are completely UNNECESSARY to accomplish this.

So, I made the very confident claim that the game would still be fun, addictive, and demonstrate flow state, even after ripping everything out:

No extras or frills. Built within a short period of time.

No music. No sound effects. No animations. No story.

No expensive art. In fact, hardly any at all: I would use ONE SINGLE ART ASSET for the gameplay (plus some lines.)

No feature creep. No sign-in system. No gacha mechanics.

No level design. No achievements. No RPG gamifications.

I could get at least a couple hundred people to play it.

I should have also mentioned that it would be built with ZERO BUDGET and NO MARKETING.

If this sounds like a strange way to make a game, it is. For a typical game developer, this would raise many eyebrows, and they'd consider it highly risky or improbable to achieve any success with both arms figurately tied behind your back while blindfolded.

HOW IT ENDED

While I was preparing to stress test the game online, it was discovered by .ru bots that were scouring the web for new games. Even before the game was ready, they published the game link on several Russian gaming sites.

The game exploded.

It has graphical similarities to Tetris, so it was a nice coincidence that the game essentially launched and did so well in Russia at first. After that, other game sites started discovering the game on their own too, even before I had a chance to submit the game myself. Most importantly, the proof of concept and everything I claimed worked (high ratings and retention). It proved so effective that the game is currently being played by hundreds of thousands of users worldwide. And it's a clear demonstration about the importance of combining psychology and game design.

I suppose you could say that there are many layers of revenge happening here, maybe even karmic justice or backfiring on their part, it's really hard to classify. The best kind of revenge is always massive success, and shoving it in their faces, however. But, on top of that, I also fully kept to my promises while proving these ignorant individuals so wrong they look like fools.

I also added some extra salt to the wound. I figured that success of the game was partly due to Dr. Armchair's ignorance. It was only fair that I included his name within the Game Credits. So, I officially gave this very wonderful human being a very "special thanks" for their support in making this success possible.

(source) story by (/u/postfu)

#prorevenge #by /u/postfu #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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eleanorbloom · 4 years

Text

When You’re Ready Ch. 09

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.

Word Count: 4.1k

Warning: Angst? And Ethan kinda psyco 🤣

A/N: It took me ages to finish this chapter because, to me, the plot is kind of boring and it was made just for story progression (and I just couldn’t leave it behind nor reducing it to a paragraph for the next chapter), but I have to admit that with the adjustments that I made yesterday, it’s now pretty decent. Fortunately, next chapter is way more interesting.

A/N2: Special thanks to @aylamwrites for helping me with some of my writing/translation issues and for her advices. Gracias gurrrl 💜💜💜

Hope you enjoy it!

Taglist @utterlyinevitable @shanzay44 @choicesficwriterscreations @laiba-the-person @starrystarrytrouble @lahellacute @lucy-268 @aylamreads @binny1985 @romewritingshop @cinnamonspongecake

Let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist!

________________

Chapter 9. The Less I Know The Better.

Then I heard they slept together

Oh, the less I know the better.

Eleanor made her entrance into Edenbrook with confidence she never felt before. Not even last year, when she was starting the residency program of her dreams at Edenbrook, she had felt this proud of herself. It was her first day both as a second-year resident and as Junior Fellow Member in the Diagnostics Team, directed by her medical hero, Dr. Ethan Ramsey. And well, yes. The person she had feelings for.

But today was also the first day where she would leave all that in the past, to truly be over him. She would face him, talk to him, and make his presence something so usual in her life that after a few weeks he wouldn’t mean anything but a mentor, a colleague, and hopefully, one day, a friend. But not more than that.

She knew it would be difficult. The night before had been hard enough not falling into his spell again. Her lips were thirsty for his kisses, her skin aching for his touch and her mind only wanted to float into the sky of his eyes once more. But she wasn’t blind anymore. She knew it wouldn’t do her any good.

Bryce had opened her eyes. Even if Ethan had the most selfless intentions pulling away from her to not jeopardize her career, he had hurt her consciously. He had ignored her even when she was drowning. And what Bryce had done just in a few weeks? He treated her like the most precious thing in the world. Like a queen. In the way she always wanted to be treated by someone, but she thought it was just stupid ideas romantic love had put in her head. He had listened to her, respected her space, consoled her when she needed it, and even when she didn’t think she needed it. He had made her his priority. The less she could do at that moment was putting him as her priority over anything she might be feeling for Ethan.

And now, there she was, facing her first obstacle, standing outside the Department of Diagnostics. Big glass walls, and a sliding door before her. She took a deep breath and with a smile on her face entered as the doors slid softly to let her in.

The office was quiet and illuminated by the natural lighting of that summer morning. There was the faintest scent of bergamot and mandarin in the air, probably traces of Ethan’s perfume left early in the morning.

She observed the place taking short steps around. A big desk in front of the entry, a circular table on the right side with a big whiteboard behind…

“I’m here, I’m really here”

“Hey, me too.”

…And a couch between the table and the entry, where it was a man reclined, reading a medical journal.

A tanned man with tiny eyes and a grown beard stood up and approached her. He seemed familiar, but the big smile on her face made her think she might be wrong.

“Um, Zaid? You’re on the diagnostics team?”

“Ah, I take it you’re one of my twin brother’s residents.”—He answered extending his hand to the confused resident.—“Baz Mirani’s the name, immunology’s the game. Game-slash-specialty.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even know Zaid had a twin brother.”

After a few moments talking, her mind raced to the smirk Ethan had given her the night before. That’s why he didn’t want to talk about the team members. It wasn’t about bias, he just wanted to keep it a surprise the fact that Zaid Mirani had a super friendly twin brother that made them look the personification of the yin and yang in terms of niceness and well, in term of twins. While Zaid was King of Sarcasm, Baz had no ability to perceive it. While Zaid was grumpy and serious, Baz was amicable and talkative.

Then it was the time to meet the last member of the team, June Hirata. June was a very intense-looking woman with a British accent and a self-assurance that exuded from her pores.

Eleanor felt a little intimidated by the way the attending was scrutinizing her, but she thought it was normal for a neurologist and psychologist to examine a new colleague not only on a physical level but in terms of corporal language too, just like she was doing it.

After a few minutes of chatting with her new colleagues, Ethan appeared through the sliding doors.

“Introductions done? Great. We’ve got work to do”—He said, while the three took a seat in the table.

She couldn’t help but feel a little twist of nervousness inside her stomach, but she tried hard to suppress any emotions she might feel, and just focused on trying to be just as stoic as her mentor always appears. She put her best professional face and started to observe how the team worked and took notes of all the things they were saying.

June and Baz started asking questions to Ethan, who had all the information about the new patient. Eleanor remained silent, witnessing the exchange, trying to absorb all the information possible. She was a bit intimidated because that level of confidence and questioning was really out of her league, but she tried to convince herself that it was a normal response for a first day.

The team divagated through some symptoms, theories, and diseases until June gave the final idea: Cutaneous Kikuchi disease. With that, Ethan asked her to run a biopsy on the patient's rash to confirm the diagnosis.

Once the team was dismissed, both attendings returned to their other duties, leaving Eleanor and Ethan alone.

“After you’re done with our patient, you can see Ines and Zaid for further assignments.”—He said as he was taking a seat by his desk—"You’ll be balancing your work here with your usual resident duties. Now that you’re a second-year, that will include rotations at the free clinic.”

“Yes Dr. Ramsey”— She replied standing up from the chair—“We will always diagnose patients without seeing them?”

“No, but we’re often asked for help by hospitals all over the country, so it’s a good habit to keep our blind diagnosis skills sharp.”

Eleanor was about to reach the door when she stops in her tracks, hesitating.

“Is everything alright, Eleanor?”

“Actually, could we talk?”

Ethan gazed at her for a few moments before answering.

“About the job or about us?”

“The job. That’s why we are here.”—Eleanor replied with obviousness, but it sounded harsher than she intended. As if it would never cross her mind talking about them.

His eyes betrayed him for a split of a second as he addressed the coldness in her response, but then he just got up from his desk and moved to the circular table. Eleanor sat beside him a moment later.

“I’m all yours”

She couldn't help but shook her head to herself, not missing the ulterior motives in Ethan’s words for the second time straight.

“I’m just surprised how well and how quickly you worked that out. How are you sure you made the right diagnosis?”

Ethan took his time to explain to Eleanor how the team proceeded, the normal way they work, and gave her some tips to be more involved next time. He assured her that it was normal that the first days she would be feeling lost and ignorant, but once she started to obtain more knowledge from medical journals and research, she would improve her involvement in the team.

She nodded at every advice, and when he was done, she kept staring at him inquisitively.

“What is it?”

“Your glasses, I’m not used to see you with those on.”

“Oh, yes. I use them when I work on the computer. Now that you’ll come to the office frequently, you’ll see me a lot like this.”

“They make you look smart”—She teased, trying to diffuse the tension she still sensed on Ethan after her cold response.

“You've caught me. The illusion behind my status. Without these, I’m a simpering moron.”

That seemed to relax his shoulders a bit. They both laughed for the first time without the tension of their actual status, where recriminations wouldn’t be involved this time. Her eyes shined, happy for sharing that moment after so much discomfort.

“So, Zaid had a twin brother and you dared to not tell me.”

Ethan chuckled

“I wish I was there when you saw him for the first time. I can only imagine your face.”

“Haha, very funny. You’re such a trickster, Ethan.”

They had lean close to each other without noticing, their knees touching, and his fingers just an inch away from hers. Her composure stiffed, her will power was once again being challenged.

She couldn’t give in. She had to keep playing the cold Eleanor that didn’t feel a thing about his mentor.

She swallowed hard.

“Well, I should get those test run.”—She informed, taking the notebook in her hand, and then standing up in one swift motion—"Thank you for your advice, Ethan.”

“You’re welcome, Eleanor. Anytime.”—He responded, caught off guard by the abruptness of her reaction.

Eleanor left the office quickly, sensing how his eyes were following her as she passed through the door. She released the breath that had been holding a few steps away from the office.

She had made it.

The interactions during the day weren’t any different. She ran the tests, informed her discoveries to the team (with the help of her intern, Esme Ortega), and then she made quite an impression with the Governor by diagnosing her son was sick; which granted her an invitation to have dinner with Naveen, Harper, Ethan, the Governor, and her staff that night. She had become the best card Edenbrook had to secure important funds to keep the hospital afloat.

After dropping Harper home after the dinner, Eleanor couldn’t suppress the memories of the last time she was alone with him in that car. The night before he left. The night of their last kiss, of the last time they made love. The last time they consciously and voluntarily stared at each other as lovers.

She was in the exact same place where everything had ended and after two months it still hurt.

Eleanor turned to her left, wondering if Ethan might be thinking the same, but his face was serious, without traces of knitted brows or troubled eyes. The streetlights were framing his features in different shapes as the car moved down the streets. She fixated her eyes in his grown beard, which still felt a bit odd to her, but to some extent, it would be useful as a fresh start. He wasn’t the Ethan she knew and wanted. He was the Ethan that left for two months to start over and be the boss and colleague she needed.

Then she looked away, coming back into her senses. She clenched the silk material of her pine dress in her fists until her knuckles were white

“What. Are. You. Doing?” —She asked herself, pressing her fists into her knees harder at every word she said on her mind.

The car stopped before the red traffic lights and she felt Ethan was turning to her, staring.

“Don’t look at him. Don’t.”—She ordered in her head, her composure tensing even more.

But after a few moments, she gives up.

Amber connects with the sky and the earth stopped spinning. She was so lost in him that didn’t notice he had brought his right hand to hers, taking it gently.

“We’ll be okay.”

His thumb caressed the knuckle of her middle finger, and that’s what it took to feel a shiver down her spine. He knew what she was thinking. He was touching her. No. It wasn’t anything. It didn’t mean anything.

She had to look away, but if the first time had been hard, now it would be impossible while he was staring at her. She couldn’t just look away. She wasn’t that brave, at least for now.

From the corner of her eye, she perceived a change in the lights. Her way out.

“It’s… It’s green now”—She said in a tiny voice, his eyes desperate for a moment.

Ethan glanced back to the street, clearing his throat. The air returned to her lungs.

He drove the rest journey in complete silence and he barely looked at her when she got off the car outside her apartment.

“Thanks for the ride Ethan, see you tomorrow”

“Goodnight, Eleanor.”

She had made it again.

The next day, Ethan and Naveen were sharing their remarks about the dinner the night before when they spotted Eleanor, Bryce, and Sienna entering the hospital after their lunch break. Ethan tried to avoid looking at her, not wanting to expose his mixed feelings about her in front of Naveen, but the old had mastered at reading him after so many years.

“Rumors says Dr. Bloom has been doing good these past weeks”—Naveen said as he finds Ethan following her, reluctantly.

“Mmmh?”

“In the company of a surgical resident”

“You mean with that scalpel jockey?”—He inquired, pointing out the resident who was walking beside Eleanor with a brief motion of his head.

“Yes, precisely”

“I doubt it. They are just friends. Besides, I don’t think she’d like someone like him.”

Naveen didn’t miss the bitterness in his last words.

“What do you mean? Just because he is a surgeon?”

“Yes. He is arrogant and shallow.”

“Shallow? To me is quite interesting. I’ve heard plenty of praises from Harper. Very promising, bold, intelligent, and ahead of most of his fellow second-year residents, even some third-years.”

“Hmmm, well, the point is I don’t think Bloom would have that bad taste dating a jock like him.”

“Well, they have been seen pretty cozy. I, personally, have seen them while having lunch or going t-.”

“I’ve seen them too.”—Ethan interrupted—"You say cozy, I would say he’s a harasser who likes to touch women, that’s why he might have his hands all over Eleanor. I don’t know why she lets him.”

“Am I sensing jealousy in your tone, my friend?”

“Jealousy? For Christ’s sake Naveen. Why would I be jealous of a scalpel jockey? And there’s nothing between Eleanor and me to have the right to feel jealous.”

Naveen chuckled.

“Whatever you say, my friend. But to me, they make a nice couple, she looks very happy around him.”—The Chief commented with a smirk full of malice, waiting for his reaction.

“Of course she’s happy around him, he acts like a goddamn clown all the time.”

Ethan turned around and left with his head steaming with anger.

He didn’t believe Naveen’s words. He didn't want to believe his words. He was convinced that Bryce and Eleanor were just friends, or maybe they were having a fling as all resident do, but nothing more than that.

But he couldn’t ignore such information much longer and against all his self-control and dignity, he started paying attention to her interactions with the surgical resident. However, at first, he didn’t find anything extraordinary. They would have lunch with her roommates as usual, hang out at Donahue’s like always, and chat through the hallways of the hospital as all colleagues do. Maybe Bryce acted flirtily and a bit handsy with her, but it wasn’t different from what he has always been with her.

The idea of them having a fling made him feel a pit in his stomach, but at the same time, it relieved him that it was just that. She was sleeping with Lahela so she could to move on. And he couldn’t blame her. But a relationship? Love? With that jock? That was beyond his comprehension.

While he was observing him, Ethan wondered what Eleanor would see in him. He had listened, without no other option, that many residents, even nurses, found him very attractive— ‘hot” was the most used word in fact—, while other residents, mostly men, would say he was cocky and arrogant, but Ethan was sure that even when he agreed he had a cocky way to conduct himself all over the hospital—all over the world— he wasn’t arrogant without fundaments.

He indeed was an outstanding surgical resident, he had heard many praises from Harper the last few months, so he just knew his worth and how to use it, and Ethan couldn’t condemn him for that. And if he was honest about it, he also had to be honest about the fact that he was an outstanding doctor too. He was always kind and nice to patients, always on time to prep them for surgeries, and always had the time and patience to explain for the umpteenth time how would be the procedure to any patient or family who would ask to him. And that was actually an important trait. That said, Bryce Lahela wasn’t so despicable after all, but he was a scalpel jockey and probably was sleeping with Eleanor, and that was enough to Ethan to despise him.

A few days later, th attending was accompanying a patient before her heart valve replacement when Bryce came into the room to prepare her for the surgery.

“Good morning Mrs. Montero, how are you today?”—He greeted in a joyful voice and then he nodded to the attending—"Dr. Ramsey”

“Dr. Lahela”

“I’m not gonna lie, I’m scared.”

“You have nothing to be scared for.”—He assured—"Dr. Tanaka is the best doctor you could have to repair anything that involves your heart, so everything will be fine.”

“That means he could fix how broke my heart is after my husband passed away?”

Bryce stared at her with a sad smile.

“I’m afraid not. But with the new valve, you’ll get plenty of years to make new memories and adventures, so you’ll have enjoyed your time to the fullest before you left this earth to be with him."

“I like the sound of that.”

“I’m sure you do. And let me say you that you will have the best resident by his side too, so you'll be in the best hands Edenbrook can provide.—Bryce winked warmly at her.

Ethan suppressed a scoff at his words and stood up from his chair.

“I believe you, my boy.”

And then Bryce grinned. A broad smile with his nose wrinkled paralyzed Ethan in his tracks for a second.

The same grin Eleanor had done that night at Donahue’s and that he had found odd and new in Eleanor, but for some reason, it was familiar.

And it was familiar because he had seen it in Bryce Lahela many times when he prepared patients for surgery. That sincere and knowing smile.

“Dr. Ramsey, thank you so much for your company.”

“You’re welcome, Elena. You’ll be in good hands now. I’ll come to see you when you have your new valve, alright?”

“Alright.”

“Lahela”—He nodded before leaving the room with his head racing incessantly.

He had read a while ago that expressions are contagious between people, even at the moment they are displayed, as a show of empathy and to recognize other people’s feelings. He did know too that couples after some time would imitate their expressions and laughs. But it also could happen with friends, family, and whoever you share a place to live with.

Maybe it was normal and Eleanor not only had expressions from Bryce but also from Sienna, Jackie, and Elijah, as they would see each other throughout the day and they shared an apartment.

But there was another option that could explain the fact that Eleanor had acquired a smile from Bryce. But he was so in denial that he didn’t even want to put it into words.

That realization changed everything in Ethan. His focus was now on Eleanor. On study how different she was compared to the months before he left. And in their daily meetings or just in their encounters through hallways of the hospital, he found that she was again the same happy and sweet resident he had met last year, with a calm demeanor, her sunny smile, and firm disposition to help whoever needed it. But he also noticed that this 'start over' between them had been taken seriously by her. She was completely focused on the work and never talked about anything that wasn’t work-related with him, and he never found her looking for his eyes or his touch like she used to, but he could tell she used to grow anxious when she had to be alone with him in the office.

A few days later, Eleanor found Bryce, Rafael, and Ethan on their way to their morning gym session so she joined them in a heartbeat. When she got into the room with her workout clothes on, the three buddies were in the treadmill warming up. She went to the fourth machine and started to run beside Rafael.

“What made you want to workout with us this morning, Ellie?”—He asked

“I always try to find a moment to make any physical activity but I hadn’t had the chance these few last days so I’m taking the chance now. I want to stay healthy,”

“That's a very good reason. The body is a machine. When it goes without use, it rusts.”—Ethan conceded, at the other side of the room, in the first treadmill.

“Don’t think that’s medically accurate, Doc”—Bryce pointed out, running between Ethan and Rafael.

“I know surgeons don’t know how to read a book, but that’s called a ‘metaphor’”—Retorted Ethan. Even if there was a teasing smile on his face, the bitterness of his words was evident to everyone in the room.

“Geez, I’ll tell Jackie to send you an invitation to the hate group for scalpel jockeys, Ramsey. You would love it”—He said, not missing a bit, his confidence not even remotely shaken.

Ethan observed Eleanor, whose smile had fainted with disappointment. After a few seconds, as she observed Bryce was smiling as usual, she quickly shook it off and ignored the attending for the rest of the routine.

Ethan knew there was something there and just the fact that he might confirm the rumors made him angry. At himself and at Naveen. Why he had to tell him? It would have been so much better not to know what Eleanor was doing with her life. It was not his business and he had no right to snoop into her life like he had been doing these few weeks.

---

The unusual bitter comment the attending had said to Bryce, made Eleanor sense that maybe he was suspecting about her relationship with the surgical resident. The multiples times she caught him observing her in her lunchtime, at Donahue’s, and anywhere he would spot her with Bryce were making sense now.

Maybe there were rumors. Maybe Naveen had told him, he surely knew every gossip in the hospital—not just because he was the Chief, but because he liked hospital gossip—, and of course he would deliver this information to Ethan to wake him up. The old man had always been pretty honest about his support toward Ethan and her.

Or maybe he just knew. He just figured it out because of her coldness towards him and because even if she and Bryce tried to keep it lowkey, there was always the chance that he could have caught them the times theye couldn’t help but holding hands or kissing when they were close.

Either way, she didn’t care.

At least not as much as she cared the day before he was back, but now she felt relieved that Ethan might have some clues of her situation. She still didn’t want to confirm it, she wanted to know if he was bold enough, if it affected him hard enough to approach her and ask her about her relationship status.

But she knew him. Ethan was never a man of facing emotions or tough conversations. He was a master at avoiding feelings and people and maybe he would wait for something or someone who would confirm the rumors. The problem was if he was emotionally prepared for that moment.

______

#bryce lahela #bryce lahela x mc #bryce x mc #bryce x casey #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #ethan x casey #ethan x f!mc #open heart #open heart choices #choices #playchoices #choices stories you play #oh choices #Oh fanfic #open heart fanfiction #choices fanfiction #fanfic

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hopevalley · 3 years

Text

Season 8, Episode 2: Honestly, Elizabeth

I think I’ll do all my write-ups this year scene-by-scene. It’s easier to keep track of everything that happens in the episode that way, and I can write up thoughts while I’m watching the episode.

I’ll just jump right in!

Scene 1: Narration/Jack Jack

The first scene starts out with Elizabeth writing in her journal about the arrival of Lucas’s mother to town, and I think the writing here was actually polished up as to be concise and fairly decent. I didn’t mind seeing Jack staring at his father’s picture, but I think what would have made a much more compelling scene would have been for him to turn away from the picture and pick up a toy off of the ground and just start playing with it. Something symbolic of moving on, or at least of Jack’s lack of connection to his father at this age. While he’d certainly be curious when he gets older, at his current age he has no real reason to care.

Elizabeth waxing poetic about how strong and brave Jack was, and how her son embodies those same traits is…I don’t know. It came off a little silly to me—like it was trying just a little too hard to be meaningful.

—

Scene 2: Lucas check on Helen

I like that Lucas seems to care for his mother a lot, and that he wants to help her. I think he realizes there’s perhaps more to her visit than merely wanting to see Elizabeth, but isn’t willing to push for that kind of information. My guess is that they’re just not that emotionally close to one another.

—

Scene 3: The Crate of DOOM

Joseph from the railroad brings a delivery for Lee and in helping Joseph carry it, Lee hurts his back. This was a genuinely good scene. CALLCARSONCALLCARSONCALLCARSON. It also has the advantage of making everyone feel friendly and neighborlike. Elizabeth popping out of her house, Jesse just stopping by… It was nice.

—

Scene 4: Nathan and Elizabeth Talk

Opal’s dress was really cute in this scene, and Robert really is growing up fast! I’m glad Allie and Opal seem attached to him; the show feels more cohesive with its little friend groups and it’s been hard to really show that off since Cody left. Allie fills that void easily and I think gets better lines/dialogue/scenes as well. She gets treated like a character of the appropriate age.

Also, Nathan treating Robert respectfully is nice. It comes off like he recognizes Robert’s good intentions and genuine enthusiasm and treats him appropriately, too.

The little quip about Allie being interested in boys was cute (and not over-the-top), and I like that Nathan is the first to bring up the missed…dinner date. Elizabeth’s response is interesting to me; she does seem a little more enthusiastic, at least about how fun it would have been had she followed through on it. When Nathan suggests they could try it again, though, she clams up. I think what’s interesting about it is that she doesn’t look disgusted or unhappy with the idea, just…a tad uncomfortable—like she wants to say something but can’t/won’t. A pretty good scene.

—

Scene 5: Introducing Joseph Canfield

At this point in the episode I knew I’d love Joseph. He’s so wholesome and pleasant both in his demeanor and his offer to pray for Lee.

—

Scene 6: Nichols and Dimes

I really am enjoying Fiona’s interactions with Mike Hickam. Actually, I’m enjoying that Mike gets any lines at all. He’s a pretty good actor and deserving of the screentime. Also that man has a butt and they’re showing of in like, every other scene he’s in LOL. Fiona trying to explain the reason for the name of the shop is quirky without being too over-the-top I think. It works well enough and I think lends some more personality to her character.

This scene gave us some more low-key genuinely funny stuff with Jesse repeating “Nichol isn’t spelled that way, right?”

Henry’s surprise at the barber being a woman isn’t too over the top either. At this time, barbers would just about always be men, because not only did they handle haircuts and shaves, but it served as a gossip (and business, as Fiona mentioned in the last episode) center for all the men in the area AND the barber usually also treated things like toothaches and first aid if a doctor wasn’t around.

I admit her reaction to all the men running off was...a bit surprising. I figured her feelings would be hurt, but she literally just laughs it off, maybe just too excited at having her own business to continue to think about, you know, what will happen if she doesn’t get customers.

—

Scene 7: Joseph runs out of gas.

There isn’t much to say here, but when he walks back to town he sings “It Is Well with My Soul” which was always one of my favorite hymns. My pastor had his own piano arrangement of it and everything. I knew from this moment forward that I would defend him to the death.

—

Scene 8: At the clinic

This is probably not the most...accurate medical scene ever, but it wasn’t bad. The best part about it was actually Molly, though. It looks like she’s really thrown herself into working with Carson and she’s used to it and even enjoys it!

—

Scene 9:Nathan and Bill talk

The scene is super simple but I think it was excellently done. Nathan wants to adopt Allie and Bill thinks that’s a fine idea in theory, but in starting proceedings (court filings, public notices, et cetera) he could stir things up. It sounds like Bill and Nathan spoke about Dylan since Bill knows how Dylan found him (the newspaper article).

Bill mentions a fee and at first I thought this was going to be the start of a really sour joke about Bill being greedy or something, but to my surprise (AND IMMENSE RELIEF), they were just discussing it like a business transaction...which it is. Nathan trusts Bill to be fair with that... AND I LOVE IT.

Allie’s mother’s full name is Colleen Mayes Grant. Allie’s full name is Allison Mayes Parks. Would Parks also be Colleen’s full name if she were married to Dylan? Am I missing something here?

Anyway, Nathan and Bill then talk about the money that Nathan used to trap Dylan, and Nathan admits he got it from Lucas, which...surprises Bill.

“You asked Lucas?! You do love your niece.” Nathan is a little amused by it, but I think this is interesting. I mean, 1) Nathan asked Lucas in the first place, which is telling, but also, 2) Lucas loaned him the money without even asking what it was for. Maybe they are not on such bad terms after all, lol. ;)

Nathan points to a map and asks about some land, and Bill says he owns that land, and that he was thinking of building a cabin on it but he’s just not really that sure he wants to. Nathan asks if he’d be willing to sell and Bill (jokingly) asks, “How much of that money did you give back to Lucas?”

Good scene, wholesome scene. I genuinely enjoy watching these two interact. It almost reminds me of the older seasons when Bill and Frank and Jack would all scheme together; stuff like this just helps build up the characters a lot, and it helps the town feel...real.

—

Scene 10: Lucas and Elizabeth Chat

This was a short but nice scene. I think it’s clear Lucas is a bit worried about his mother and asks Elizabeth to visit her in the hopes that it might encourage her to talk to someone or feel better.

At first I thought this was perhaps a bit much, like...she barely knows the woman why would Helen even want a visit from Elizabeth? But then I thought...well, Lucas is probably thinking of the fact that Elizabeth has spoken with Helen now and again about her writing, so a visit from her would be expected since she’s in town.

I like Elizabeth’s honesty in admitting she was intimidated by Helen. “So she does bite!” Kind of a cute/silly scene. I liked it.

—

Scene 11: Rosemary and Elizabeth talk.

This was probably the second weakest scene in the episode. Rosemary just says hi and tells Elizabeth she can’t help with anything regarding Lee, and then Elizabeth says she’s off to visit Helen, and Rosemary says “Oh, the old saying...the way to an editor’s heart.”

Elizabeth replies with, “I don’t think that’ show that saying goes.”

I think they were trying for Funny here but it misses its mark and doesn’t really add anything to the episode. I’d have rather had an earnest word of encouragement from Rosemary.

—

Scene 12: Elizabeth visits Helen

There are a lot of things to like about this. Helen takes her job very seriously, and corrects Elizabeth (“book” vs. “manuscript”—it ain’t a book yet!). Helen comments on Elizabeth being undisciplined but this is an objectively true statement (whether Elizabeth likes it or not).

I think Helen is actually really understanding when Elizabeth blurts out that she was late with her first draft because, “I decided not to let my writing interfere with my life.” She’s pretty calm about it, and says maybe her trip was for nothing.

Elizabeth springs back and hurries to explain that while her writing means a lot to her, and she takes it seriously, it’s also not her main source of income. I was really worried that Helen was going to come off as this huge bitch hurting Poor Widdle Ewizabiff’s Feewings but I think she’s actually pretty great in this scene. She doesn’t come off as the bad guy, but neither does Elizabeth. In fact, I feel like both characters communicate quite cleanly and it seems Helen appreciates Elizabeth’s spunk, haha.

—

Scene 13: Henry and Lucas have a meeting

The writers straight up wanted to negate some of what happened last season, and I think that was a smart choice. There are some lines in this scene that I really enjoy a lot. “I like you, Henry. I don’t know why, but I do.” I think Lucas likes Henry because he’s been mostly up front with Lucas about his methods...which he does here, too.

“I’m willing to get my hands dirty.”

Henry’s proposal is that he will double the crude output in the first year he’s back as Lucas’s partner, and if he doesn’t manage it, he will walk away. However, if he is successful, he becomes majority owner at 60% and is allowed to make all business decisions.

This is a very good opportunity for Lucas, provided he trusts Henry can at least maintain current output. He loses nothing if Henry walks away and he loses hardly anything (in fact, he loses a bit of profit and a LOT of responsibility) if Henry manages it and stays on.

When asked why he had a change of heart, Henry says he “has his reasons.”

—

Scene 14: Joseph comes back to town + Fiona’s

This actually isn’t its own separate scene, but rather, the camera pans from the previous scene to Joseph walking into town.

Joseph stops Hickam about getting some gas, but Hickam is sent away to hold up his end of a bet while Jesse helps Joseph.

The camera then is in Fiona’s barbershop, so I’m counting these two scenes together. Hickam asks for a trim and she agrees to do it. He apologizes for running off earlier and she accepts his apology with grace and says she’s glad he came back. He tells her it was the right thing to do and she calls him out instantly for having accepted a bet from Jesse.

This is a pretty funny little joke, but the best part about it is actually how it ties Hickam and Jesse together. They’re around the same age and they could be friends; I like the implication. Some of the male friendships have suffered a bit in recent years so it’s nice to see those getting a splash of attention.

Anyway, Fiona doesn’t take offense and Hickam seems relieved.

—

Scene 15: Sergeant gets some pats

Sergeant is a good boy and so deserves some pats! The only thing I hate about this scene is the dialogue. Robert is like, a farm boy...and you’re telling me he’s never ridden a real horse? Please. This is in a time period where most of these kids would know how to ride a horse. He’s no larger a horse than any other horse in town! The bigger concern should be that Sergeant is an ex-mounted police horse, which means he needs a more experienced rider (and that certain signals could mean different things to Sergeant than they would mean for a farmhorse).

It’s still pretty cute overall, but I think they could have had the kids currying him or something instead. “We can start by patting him” seems a little silly when this horse has been patted by everyone in town 3 billion times by this point.

The camera then adjusts to the window of the saloon’s upstairs room where Helen is watching Elizabeth spend time with the kids.

She’s more or less smiling and watching Elizabeth and the kids, studying them. As predicted, she has already decided she likes Elizabeth.

—

Scene 16: Hickam narrowly avoids death

Or more like, he moves while Fiona is trying to cut his hair and she gets his ear with the scissors. He literally runs out of the barbershop, past Helen and Lucas who are now out for a walk, and straight to the clinic.

—

Scene 17: Rosemary talks to Elizabeth and the kids

This is a continuation of the last scene where the camera catches Rosemary from outside the clinic (as Hickam goes in) and follows her over to Elizabeth where she says hello (they are still with Sergeant but over by the church now).

I’m a little tired of these Cute Widdle Opal moments. She’s like, nine years old. The fake smiling and “oh my goodness!”ing is too much for me at this point. I probably hated this scene the most.

—

Scene 18: Lucas talks with his mother

Helen calls out the situation exactly for what it is: Elizabeth is the reason Lucas has settled in Hope Valley, and Lucas and Nathan are vying for Elizabeth’s hand. Lucas admits these are both true.

Just a nice little scene. Helen seems pretty normal and good here.

—

Scene 19: Elizabeth talks to Nathan

On her way out of the mercantile (with a cloth to clean Opal’s face) Elizabeth runs into Nathan who is on his way up to Bill’s land to check it out. She says he must be serious if he’s going in the middle of the day out to look at it, and he says he is. “I think it’s time I settle down.”

She walks down a step or two and turns after him as he’s about to go into the mercantile: “Nathan? When you’re back from your trip, perhaps we could get together?”

And he agrees to this, almost in a tone that’s like, he doesn’t want to seem too excited.

As soon as Nathan is in the store, Robert goes flying by on Sergeant with the worst posture I’ve ever seen.

Elizabeth steals Newton from Nathan and goes after Robert, catching up to him and dragging him back to town right in front of Jesse and Joseph.

Joseph is of course iMMEDIATELY like: “I want to live in this crazy place.”

This isn’t how I would write a scene like this, mostly because I would assume that Robert could ride a horse (and his posture later kind of says this...lol) and it’s really hard to film something like this without it Actually Being Dangerous (mostly due to the gravel in town—a horse could kick that into someone’s face and they’d be messed up, or they could slip in it)(also, the filming location doesn’t have a lot of Large Spaces where they can really let a horse gallop safely). I’d probably have a stunt double dashing off at an actual run if possible, and show Elizabeth catching up to Robert who has been thrown from the horse. He’s fine (landed in some prairie grass or something) but then it’s actually really scary.

Her “catching up” and “helping” just doesn’t work very well when it’s very clear these horses are moving at a leisurely pace.

But if you can use your imagination it wasn’t a bad scene.

—

Scene 20: Lee and Rosemary

It’s the next morning, and Rosemary helps Lee sit on the couch. Rosemary gives him his coffee but there’s no sugar in it (this is hard to believe; they’ve been married how long? She’s been making this every day for how many years?) and she boogies over to Elizabeth’s.

—

Scene 21: Rosemary and Elizabeth have a chat

Rosemary talks to Elizabeth about the chase after Robert and then to little Jack and there’s a little moment where she looks at Jack and talks about how her and Lee like hearing him laugh when the weather is nice and the windows are open. It was a nice touch.

Rosemary offers to babysit until Laura arrives.

It’s a nice scene but I’m a little tired of the babytalk for a child that is way older than they’re acting. This is a 2-3 year old child, not a baby who can’t talk.

—

Scene 22: Bill meets Joseph Canfield

Joseph came back to town to have another look around and consider buying the gas station. He mentions the church, and Bill says they don’t have a pastor right now because “he left to become a missionary.” I’m not sure which pastor they’re talking about here: Zeke or the guy before him, or even Frank? My guess is Zeke since they took the time to give him a name, and there’s no reason why Frank would do that when he’s been written away as finding his calling in mentoring/pastoring/caring for terminally ill children.

Joseph says he’s looking to settle down and would like it to be Hope Valley, which is....sudden. I’m not sure what the script could have said instead, but maybe if there was some kind of hint that his wife isn’t happy in their current situation? Or maybe that he’s been looking around and that he found Hope Valley when he wasn’t even looking—just doing his job.

It’s a hard sell either way. There’s a whole lot of nothing in this area, so it’s hard to imagine Hope Valley wouldn’t be on the map with a railroad stop...lol...

Joseph says he doesn’t want to build, so Bill says he knows a guy.

Good scene. I’m always happy when Bill gets normal interactions, and it seems like in this scene we’re meant to imagine that he is actually on his rounds (since Nathan is away).

—

Scene 23: Elizabeth and Helen edit...

Helen says “dour” in a way Elizabeth has never heard it said, and it sounds kind of clear that everything Helen says, Elizabeth just blanks out and can’t discuss reasonably.

“I’m just not used to writing this way.” You’re...not writing. You’re editing. There’s a difference. And Helen seems to be trying to get at the Author’s Intentions (“Would you describe this character as dour?”) to ensure that Elizabeth’s writing matches what she’s going for.

They’ve made it past ONE page at this point. They do share a chuckle over how slow their progress is, though, and I mean, as a writer that’s a whole entire mood, so it’s fine.

—

Scene 24: Henry’s cabin

For some reason Henry owns a cabin and Joseph, Bill, and Henry are checking it out. Bill is mostly snooping to find things wrong with it lol, which is very in character for him, considering Henry is (or at least was) the enemy.

Joseph decides to buy the place because it’s not too far from town and there’s room for the kids to play.

Boom he’s in.

Welcome Hope Valley, Joseph!

—

Scene 25: Robert’s Sorry + Helen’s Truth

Robert has atoned for his sins by cleaning all the stalls out or something. Helen and Elizabeth meet Robert on a walk. He’s atoned for his sins by cleaning the stables.

Helen and Elizabeth chat a bit, and Helen drops a bunch of Truth Bombs:

-Authors often feign indifference to the characters they create, or insist they are mere fabrications outside themselves.

-Elizabeth is honest with herself and with others, and honest in her writing.

-Most people are uncomfortable and afraid, and hide behind characters they’ve created for themselves.

She then says that she’s like that (kind of an awkward delivery line) and then instantly launches into saying she came to see Lucas and to see her, too, but if she’s being completely honest, she’s come because her husband has left her.

(Scene break for commercials)

Elizabeth runs after Helen and calls her “Mrs. Bouchard” but quickly corrects herself to call her “Helen” (NOW IT MAKES SENSE WHY HELEN DOESN’T WANT TO BE CALLED MRS. BOUCHARD!) and asks if she wants to talk about it.

“There’s really nothing to say. It’s not going to change anything.”

Lucas’s father is in London, supposedly, and as Lucas walks over to the two of them, Helen asks for Elizabeth to keep this just between them, as he doesn’t know yet.

I’m not sure where they’re going to go with this, or how they’re going to resolve it, but it’s possible this was just a misunderstanding (seems farfetched but hey, it’s Hallmark).

As an aside, the flowers they have out on display are all summer flowers. Does it matter? No. Am I pointing it out? Yes.

Lucas offers to take both women to dinner and Elizabeth says she isn’t able to go. I think she should have stated she had a prior engagement (so she didn’t appear to be rude), but Helen takes him up on the offer.

Walking away, Elizabeth runs into Laura, Emily, Anna, and Timmy, which was nice because all the mentions of Laura without actually seeing Laura made me worry she wasn’t on the show anymore, haha.

Laura isn’t with Jack because Rosemary wanted to watch him for the day. Elizabeth turns around and asks Lucas for his help with something.

—

Scene 26: The Surprise for Rosemary and Lee

Elizabeth comes over to collect Jack with a surprise: a nice dinner all premade, a bottle of wine, and some mood music. ;)

This is a wholesome and sweet scene. Elizabeth leaves with Jack and Lee struggles to his feet to dance with Rosemary.

—

Scene 27: The letter

Henry goes to the mercantile to see if there’s any mail and there IS...the letter he sent out last episode has been returned...opened.

Henry’s upset by this (he seems genuinely hurt) and asks Ned if he opened it. Ned says he didn’t, and Florence defends him by saying he would never do that. Henry leaves and Ned says he forgot to take care of something in the back and wishes Florence good night.

Very suspicious. I don’t think Ned opened the letter but I do think he read it. He looked a little upset himself...? Not sure what’s going on here. Could it involve a relative? Nora? A business proposition?

—

Scene 28: Florence and Molly

At the saloon, Florence and Molly talk about the letter, and Florence says she thinks the person who opened it was the person Henry sent it to.

Molly notices Bill laughing and having a good time with a woman she doesn’t know and stares at them. Florence points it out and says Molly must be bad-tempered because she’s hungry and suggests they order and eat. Molly gets up and marches right on over there and embarrasses Florence with her BS.

She mentions the chili in the cafe and then fakely says, “Oh nooo, I’m being rude,” and introduces herself to Helen.

Helen doesn’t shake her offered hand but does give her name. She’s extremely awkward and leaves in a hurry, with Florence on her heels.

Helen tells Bill he must have a “fan.”

Bill says he wasn’t aware of that.

The classic Bill Squint™.

—

Scene 29: Mike returns

Mike comes back to have his haircut finished. She says she’ll be more careful this time; he admits it’s his fault...and they both agree that they’re both to blame a little bit.

Clara and Faith drag their men in and insist on them getting haircuts/trims. I liked the scene with Fiona and Mike, but didn’t really care for the last bit as much. Mostly because everyone hates the idea of her cutting their hair and this is supposed to be funny, even to her? Like...I don’t know. It just falls flat for me.

—

Scene 30: Rosemary is a bad influence

Rosemary asks Elizabeth how the meeting went. They talk about the fact that Lucas and his mother are nothing alike and Rosemary says, “Well maybe he’s like his father.”

Elizabeth is like “Let’s hope not.”

And of course that gets the ball rolling. Before long, the truth is out: Helen’s husband left her.

Elizabeth really should have...shut her mouth lol. But at least Rosemary believes that’s a bad position for Elizabeth to be in.

Lee comes in with Jack wearing a little outfit...

And then the truth comes out that what’s in the crate is a LOT of coffee. 250lbs of it.

—

Scene 31: Bill and Molly Talk...sort-of.

Bill chases Molly out of the cafe and insists they talk about what happened the night before, and Molly says she made a fool of herself. Bill tries to figure things out by saying he’s been a bachelor for a long time (probably trying to ease into it by admitting he just hadn’t realized she was Interested because he’s not used to the whole thing, to take some pressure off you know?) and Molly stops him like, “Are you under the impression that I’m interested in you as a suitor?”

Bill is more or less like, well...yes (but I wasn’t alone in that thought).

Molly tells him she was curious about the woman with whom he was dining. “True, I have mentioned to Florence that it might be nice getting to know each other seeing as how we’ve lived in the same town for years...”

Bill: “Well, see? You are interested in me.”

Molly: “You flatter yourself.”

She then leaves.

Anyone who knows me will know why I don’t like this scene lol, but at least neither character is being made a fool of, here. Pretty sure Molly is both curious and jealous.

—

Scene 32: Henry’s tirade

I think they should have rerecorded this scene because it 100% sounds like Henry is drunk off his ass and not just angry. More punctuated words would have fixed this easily.

Anyway, Carson comes by the mercantile just in time to see Henry yelling at Ned and Florence about the letter (but specifically Ned). Henry sees Carson come in and leaves, but falls outside. His blood pressure is ridiculously high. Outside, the acting is fine and he sounds angry (but deflating).

“Sometimes what you do in between [birth and death] just isn’t enough.”

This makes me really curious about that leTTER... It almost has to be a personal matter: family, perhaps?

—

Scene 33: The Confession

Elizabeth runs into Nathan while she’s out with Sergeant and they talk about Bill’s land. Nathan’s very enthusiastic about the land and the idea of living there.

LOOK AT HIM.

This is probably the most animated we’ve seen him!

(I think this talk of land and building on it might be forcing her to think of Jack, by the way. They already have the profession in common and now the land/planning for the future thing, too? A future she never got to have with Jack? OOF.)

I think at this point she’s worried that he wants to do this FOR HER and the guilt is what prompts her to speak. She goes on to tell him that he means a lot to her, and so does Allie, but she thinks he’s looking for more than friendship.

He says he wasn’t trying to hide that, and she thanks him for his honesty. She goes to express that he wants more from her than she can give. He was shot that one time when she thought it had been him who died, and she can’t go through that for real, not again. She doesn’t want to lose him the way she lost Jack.

He says he wouldn’t let that happen and she gets (RIGHTFULLY!) upset because that isn’t something he can meaningfully promise, and it’s pretty insulting considering the way Jack died; he isn’t better than Jack, after all. Anything could happen.

So Nathan says that his solution, what makes his promise different, is that he would quit the Mounties.

And she says, “No!”

Then we get the lines:

Nathan: I know you feel the same way that I do.

Elizabeth: I can’t.

Nathan: Elizabeth, I’m in love with you!

Elizabeth leaves hurriedly on Sergeant and that’s the end of the episode.

—

I don’t want to end this without talking about the last scene a bit. I think some people might be a bit confused about it. I think she has feelings for Nathan and has been repressing them because it’s too scary a thing to consider. She wants to let the idea go but knew she couldn’t just cut things off without saying anything.

But how do you say something like that kindly? How do you do that without hurting feelings or looking stupid?

I feel like the talk about the land, as well as Nathan’s comment earlier in the episode about settling down, has forced Elizabeth to be honest with Nathan the way that she is honest in her writing, and she does this specifically because she doesn’t want Nathan to go making decisions based on feelings for, or a potential future with, her. It isn’t fair to Nathan or Allie.

For those of us who haven’t lost a spouse traumatically, I don’t think it’s easy to understand this specific brand of anxiety/fear, but this episode made it really clear that this is something she’s really struggling with. The heart wants what it wants, but it also feels fear sometimes (and in this case, rightfully so).

Nathan offering to quit was wonderful but I think it would frighten Elizabeth just as much to feel she’s the cause for someone giving up something they’re passionate about. I personally think she’s thinking too much of Jack when it comes to that. Sure, Nathan’s a Mountie, and sure, he likes his job and is good at it like Jack was, but I think for Nathan family and safety would always come first.

It didn’t come first for Bill. It didn’t come first for Jack. But it would for Nathan. I don’t think Elizabeth realizes this—that for Nathan this isn’t him giving up his passion for love (or to settle down). It’s settling down because he wants to make a life here for himself and doesn’t want to ever have to leave, a choice he won’t get if he stays with the Mounties

For Jack, the Mounties were a Calling, a lifelong passion.

For Nathan, they were a career he enjoyed.

I’m interested to see when this will be revealed in the story and how that will make Elizabeth feel. No matter what, it’s scary to be the person ‘forcing’ someone else to give up something big, in this case Nathan’s livelihood (in exchange for her peace of mind). I have some personal experience with this. In fact, when I was dating my (now-)husband for the first time, he wanted to move to be with me. We were young. He had a college picked out. He had a career path. I had a job doing physical labor and I was living at home. If he needed help, my family would be too poor to assist and we had no extra space for him to stay. I refused. We actually broke up over it. There’s just so much pressure on the person who isn’t giving something up: fear of feeling indebted to someone, fear of the relationship HAVING to work out (or it was a waste of everyone’s time and money)...

Anyway, this storyline could mean a lot to me if it’s done right, so...I hope it is. :)

—

Overall this was another enjoyable episode. I was shocked at the intensity of the ending, and pleasantly surprised by most of the rest of it. Fiona’s actually growing on me as a character (she’s made of sterner stuff than some of them). I’m definitely looking forward to next week and I hope you are too!

My only real criticism so far, other than the ones outlined above, is the sheer number of scenes. I think it might be...a bit much. Almost...scattered? But we’ll see how they do in future episodes.

Feel free to message me with any thoughts/opinions/et cetera. ♥

#when calls the heart #analysis and meta discussion #character studies and information #long post

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when-they-write-stuff · 4 years

Note

From the random prompts, how about (17. “I’m telling you. I’m haunted.” or, or (unless you want to combine them)... from the kisses part, 6. Needing to kiss to hide from bad guys? If you feel inspired, no pressure of course.

It started after their encounter with the witch.

See, Stiles was especially good at two things; being loud and being bait. He didn’t know when the pack had put two and two together and decided that made him good bait but at some point, they had. And Stiles was not impressed.

But this time, instead of trying to kill him, the witch was… friendly. It was as unexpected as it was strange and instead of having to get violent, the pack came out of the trees and they all had a nice conversation.

Or… something.

She’d done something, Stiles was sure of that. Because after they’d convinced her to leave Beacon Hills, she’d taken his hand, smiled like they were sharing an inside joke, and then proceeded to give him the most startling shock of static electricity Stiles had ever experienced.

His hair had nearly fried. He’d smelled like smoke for the rest of the day.

The rest of the pack didn’t think anything was wrong, though. They all waved it off as an accident and even Derek didn’t seem too concerned when Stiles yelled at him about it. Of course.

The point was, Stiles was sure something had gone wrong. He just didn’t know what.

Then he started to hear them. The voices, that is.

It started out small. He’d hear a whisper here and there and spin around, certain someone was talking to him. But Stiles was always alone; or no one was close enough for him to have heard.

It started getting weird when he heard voices in the shower. Voices before he fell asleep. Curses and shouts following him out of the waking world and back into it.

Stiles was pretty sure he was losing his mind.

“I’m telling you,” he shouted, shoving into the loft the very next day. “I’m haunted!”

The betas all looked up from where they were sitting squished together on the couch, the TV playing something bright and loud. Derek sat in his armchair reading and didn’t even glance up from his book. “Sure, Stiles.”

“Don’t ‘sure’ me, you asshole! I’m hearing voices. I’m haunted!”

“Do you see dead people too?” Erica asked, pausing the TV and grinning from ear to ear. Stiles rolled his eyes.

“Haha, very funny, Catwoman. Shut up.”

Boyd growled a little but Stiles ignored the sound, moving across the loft and grabbing Derek’s book, yanking it off his lap. Derek looked up with flashing red eyes and slightly bared teeth. A small shiver ran down Stiles’s spine.

“Listen to me, Sourwolf,” he said, clapping the book shut and dropping it onto the coffee table. “I’m hearing things. Voices. And I swear to god, they’re making me lose my mind. I can’t sleep!”

Derek narrowed his eyes. He seemed to be listening to something; and he was, Stiles realized. His heartbeat. He huffed as Derek’s face cleared a little and the man finally started looking concerned. “What’s wrong with you?”

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be here! Well, I mean, I probably would be here, but that’s not the point—”

“Stiles.”

“I’m hearing things, Derek,” Stiles said softly. “And I don’t know why.”

Derek hesitated, and then nodded. He pushed himself up and gave his betas a quick look. “Call Scott and tell him to meet us at Deaton’s. I want to get this checked out.”

Boyd nodded quietly and Stiles stepped back as Derek started toward the loft door. He glanced at the betas before following, a little relieved and a little surprised. He’d expected it to take more persuading than that.

“The voices,” Derek said as they climbed into the Camaro. “When’d they start?”

“Remember that time I got electrocuted by the witch and none of you believed me when I said she’d done something?”

Derek rolled his eyes at that. It was a little more normal, at least.

“Yeah, well, they’ve been getting louder ever since then,” Stiles said. He picked at the sleeve of his shirt, a lump forming in his throat. “I can’t make out what they’re saying, but it’s getting louder every day.”

Derek was quiet at that. When Stiles glanced back over, the man's brows were drawn together and he looked a little constipated.

They drove the rest of the way in silence. The parking lot was empty when they arrived and Derek got a message that Boyd hadn’t been able to reach Scott. Stiles chuckled weakly at that.

“It’s probably an Allison thing. It’s fine.”

Derek didn’t look so convinced, but Stiles didn’t wait around to hear what he had to say, stumbling out of the car and ducking into the clinic. Deaton was behind the counter working on paperwork and he glanced up with a raised eyebrow as they both entered.

“Boys. Is something the matter?”

Derek rolled his eyes. “Something’s wrong with Stiles.”

Deaton’s eyes flicked over and Stiles grinned weakly. Deaton studied him for a moment and then nodded, pointing them toward the back room. Stiles ducked into it with a nervous chuckle, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“I mean, I don’t what’s wrong exactly,” Stiles said, suddenly feeling a little bit like a crazy person. ‘I’m, uh, hearing things. How possible is demon— or witch— possession?”

Deaton’s eyebrows flew up. “I’m sorry?”

“I feel like I’m going crazy.”

Derek looked sharply away, jaw ticking, and Deaton studied him for a long moment before shaking his head. “I don’t think you’re going crazy, Mr. Stilinski. Might I ask how this happened?”

“A witch. And static electricity.”

Once more, Deaton looked curiously amused. Stiles shrugged.

“Don’t ask.”

“In that case, I would cross out possession,” Deaton said, moving forward and thumbing at his eyelids. Stiles squawked as he lifted one, then the other, and then studied his face. “A spell is most likely. Though I’m not sure what kind would make you hear voices. Did she say anything?”

“Uh, no,” Stiles said. “She just smiled a lot.”

“Curious.”

“Is there anything you can do?” Derek said in a growl, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. Deaton glanced over at the werewolf and then shook his head.

“I’d imagine it’ll fade on its own. It might have been an accident or it might have been the residual of a previous spell. Unless it starts harming him, Stiles should be fine.”

“I’d rather we know what happened before it starts harming him,” Derek said.

“There’s a chance it won’t.”

“Only a chance?”

Deaton gave the werewolf a long, unimpressed look. Derek broke eye contact first, growling and turning away, stalking out of the clinic. Stiles quickly hopped off the metal table and moved to follow. He shot a quick wave over his shoulder.

“Thanks for the help, D! Very elusive, as always!”

“It’s my pleasure.”

Derek was waiting in the Camaro, looking as grumpy as always. Stiles quickly pulled himself into the passenger side seat, shooting the man an exasperated look.

“Very mature, Derek, thank you for that.”

“He wasn’t any help.”

“He was doing something,” Stiles said, not having it. “Now we know I’m neither going crazy nor possessed, so I’d call that a win!”

“But we still don’t know what’s wrong with you,” Derek growled. Stiles flinched and then sighed.

“Sure, yeah, right. Very positive.”

Derek rolled his eyes and started the car. Stiles was surprised when they went right instead of left; heading back toward the loft instead of heading toward his house. Seeing his obvious look, Derek’s ears turned a little red. “You’re staying where someone can keep an eye on you until we figure out what this is.”

“Aw, Sourwolf, it warms my heart when you care.”

“I don’t care.”

“All other facts point to the contrary. Don’t lie to yourself.”

Derek ignored him. But Stiles grinned a little, sitting back in his chair and shifting around until he was comfortable. He was feeling pretty good about himself— other than the voices, that is.

And then everything went downhill.

Stiles heard the gunshot before something outside of the Camaro made a strange noise— like a pop— and then a loud screech filled the air, and they were flying off the side of the road. Stiles yelped and grabbed the arms of his seat, and Derek swore. The Camaro jerked as Derek hit the breaks and then silence fell over the air.

Stiles looked over in confusion; right as the voices crashed over him.

“The Alpha’s been compromised. We’re moving in.”

“Take out the kid too, if needed.”

Stiles’s blood went cold. He didn’t realize he was grabbing Derek’s arm until his fingers were curled deep into his sleeve. “Hunters.”

“What?”

“They’re hunters,” Stiles said, voice hoarse. “That’s what I’m hearing.”

Derek looked confused but then he shoved out the door, moving around and yanking Stiles’s open too. He pulled him out and they started in the opposite direction down the street; right as another gunshot rang through the air.

Stiles started running, Derek right at his side. Stiles had no doubts the werewolf could easily outrun him, but he didn’t. Stiles’s heart was in his throat as they hit the more populated area of town again and Derek started a little slower down the sidewalk.

Derek’s hand suddenly wrapped around Stiles’s arm and the man yanked him into the nearest shop; a clothes shop. Stiles nearly stumbled over his own feet as Derek pulled him down the main aisle and then ducked into a smaller one, ducking his head and glaring at the women’s array of t-shirts.

Stiles blinked a few times. “Seriously, dude?”

“How are you hearing them?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Stiles said, throwing his hands up. Derek grabbed one and yanked it back down and Stiles lowered his other one too. His face burned red. “But they were hunters. And they’re after you.”

“Can you hear them now?”

Stiles turned his head slightly and listened. He could hear what sounded like a whisper. Then more of a murmur. Then, ‘find the wolf and take him out. That’s an order.’ and Stiles felt his face pale.

“They’re getting closer. I can hear them as they move closer.”

“How the hell did the witch know hunters were in town?”

Stiles tried to think back to the conversation they’d had with her, but he didn’t remember a single moment where she’d offered any hint that she might know more than she was letting on. Or that she was planning to help.

If this counted as helping.

Suddenly, the shop door opened again and the bell overhead rung as two burly men stepped inside. Stiles didn’t see any weapons on them but they both wore giant leather jackets, so he had no doubt more was hidden that they couldn’t see. Quickly, he spun around.

“Derek.”

The man was already grabbing a hat and yanking it over Stiles’s head. Stiles made a noise of protest before he saw Derek doing the same and then he couldn’t smother a small snort.

Derek shot him a withering look in return.

The hunters moved in their direction and Stiles followed Derek in the other one. It was only when they found themselves at the end of the aisle and the corner of the store that panic started to rise in his throat again.

The hunters wouldn’t try anything here, would they? Though Derek couldn’t fight back if they did; not without giving himself up.

He glanced nervously over his shoulder. One of the hunters held a blade in his hand, half-concealed by his sleeve. Stiles’s heart leaped into his throat.

“Derek, dude, they have knives—”

“Shut up and look at me.”

Stiles spun around and before he could even react, Derek was grabbing a fistful of his shirt and pressing him against the wall. It was so familiar to years ago, Stiles nearly squeaked in protest. But then, instead of getting in his face, the man was moving closer than that.

And then he was kissing him. Derek was kissing him.

Stiles made a strange noise at the back of his throat and pulled at Derek’s shirt. He wasn't sure if he was trying to get a better grip on the situation or attempting to pull the man closer, but his head wasn’t exactly working right.

He totally hadn’t imagined this before but if he had, he’d always thought Derek would taste like mint or cinnamon or something. He hadn’t expected the sharp feeling of Derek’s stubble brushing against his skin or the smell of him— pine and aftershave— to crash over Stiles like a wave of cold water.

But he didn’t… mind it. Derek’s lips were against his, his hands were curled in the front of Stiles shirt, and he was growling lowly at the back of his throat. The vibrations sent shivers down Stiles’s spine.

‘They’re not in here,’ a voice said. ‘Keep moving.’

“D-Derek,” Stiles said, fighting the urge to card his hand through the man’s hair. “Derek, they’re gone, they’re gone.”

And abruptly, Derek drew back.

His eyes were a little glazed, his face was red, and Stiles was pretty sure he looked the same. He couldn’t help the way his stomach sank at the sudden loss of contact. Or the way he felt a little sick at how quickly Derek had yanked away, as if he was grossed out by the very action of having to kiss Stiles.

“Uh, I, uh—”

“Sorry,” Derek said, dropping his eyes. “I thought that’d divert them.”

“Oh,” Stiles said, a knot forming in his throat. “Yeah, right.”

“It won’t happen again.”

“Sure.”

For a moment, they both went quiet. Stiles shuffled his feet and felt a little bit like he could scream; which was stupid. But seeing Derek’s face and the obvious discomfort in his eyes, suddenly all Stiles wanted was to be very far away.

Say something, he thought raggedly. Don’t freak out, just say something.

“You kiss nice.”

Derek’s eyes widened and Stiles flinched. Not that! “What?”

“Nothing, nevermind. I didn’t say anything.”

“Stiles—”

“Nope,” Stiles said, trying to duck around him. “Come on, Sourwolf, we have to go warn the rest of the pack. I don’t know how much longer this witch-y hearing thing will last but if the hunters are after you, then they’re probably after the rest of the pack and—”

“Stiles.”

Stiles wilted and glanced back over. “Don’t say it, Derek.”

“Don’t say what?”

“Don’t say it was an accident. Or a mistake. Don’t say you didn’t mean to.”

Derek just stared at him. Stiles reached up to run a hand through his hair and realized he was still wearing the stupid hat Derek had put on his head. Chuckling humorlessly, he yanked it off and set it on the nearest shelf.

“It was for the hunters,” he said quietly, each word feeling like a punch to the stomach. “I get it, sorry. I didn’t mean to make things weird.”

Derek just looked confused. Stiles started to turn away again when a hand suddenly caught his wrist and Derek pulled him back around. Stiles couldn’t quite meet his eyes, sure he was about to hear something he really didn’t want.

“Derek—”

And then the man was kissing him again.

To say that was the last thing Stiles expected would be an understatement. He squeaked and then Derek was cupping the back of his neck, pulling him closer.

Stiles reached up blindly and yanked off the other hat on Derek’s head, throwing it somewhere to the side. Carding a hand through the man’s hair, he melted into his touch and whined softly at the back of his throat.

That made Derek growl again.

And then someone cleared their throat.

The kiss was over much too quickly but Stiles couldn’t help a startled noise leaving his mouth as he stumbled back, Derek yanking away too. One of the cashiers stood a few feet away looking both tired and done™ as she glanced between them.

“I’m sorry, sirs, but unless you’re planning on buying something, I’ll have to ask that you leave.”

Stiles nodded silently as she turned away. Then, the moment she was gone, Stiles glanced back at Derek who was looking utterly terrified. And unable to stop himself, he burst into laughter, nearly dropping to the floor from the full force of it.

“Oh my god, dude, you should see your face. Can I take a picture? I’m going to take a picture.”

“Stiles,” Derek growled. When Stiles glanced up, his face was still red and the man didn’t hold his gaze, dropping his eyes to the floor. “Sorry.”

“Sor— sorry? Oh, hell no, Sourwolf, you’re not allowed to do that. We are kissing again. Very soon. Like, after this current threat is taken care of, very soon.”

Derek looked at him in confusion. Stiles rolled his eyes and leaned forward, brushing his lips against the man’s ear.

“You kiss nice, Sourwolf.”

And Derek’s hand shot out like he was going to catch Stiles by the neck and drag him into another kiss again. But Stiles squeaked and dodged out of the way, his back bumping against the wall.

“We can’t stay unless we buy something. Didn’t you hear the rules?”

Derek moved closer, eyes dark. Reaching over, he grabbed the hat Stiles had placed on the shelf earlier and tugged it back over Stiles’ head. “We’re buying a hat.”

Stiles didn’t even have a chance to protest before the man was kissing him again.

- -

So, this got kind of away from me. Like, over 3k words of fluff away from me. But I had fun! I just had to do both prompts, I couldn’t resist ;) Thanks for the prompt, my friend!

(if you enjoy my writing, consider supporting your underpaid student writer? Seriously, I’d adore you guys so much). https://ko-fi.com/rh27writer

#sterek #teen wolf #derek hale #stiles stilinski #send me prompts!#i have fun doing them #theladyandthewolves

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mccngzr-archive · 3 years

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LATE MUNDAY, HAPPY MUNDAY! // accepting! @infernalpursuit inquired: 28 ( yes this is an excuse to make u talk about the beta au B) ) 36 and 37

oh you, always knowing how to make me write a lot of things i want to write about! :3c

28. is your muse canon divergent in any way?

oh, jacques is most definitely canon divergent! while there is no actual lore for the good hunter if not implied, so that you can build your own character in a way, jacques differs from bloodborne’s canon quite a bit further. when thinking about him in this version (since, as a reminder, this is an alternative universe for him, the original has nothing to do with the game) i took a LOT of inspiration for his lore and his story, if i ever get to narrate it in some way how i imagined it, from the alpha bloodborne. the game before it was the game we know and love! there were just... so many interesting concepts in there, especially the alpha bloodborne content in the clinic that are the basics of jacques. so yes, you can say it follows more the alpha bloodborne than the game itself, which makes him quite canon divergent indeed!

futhermore, there are a ton of interpretations and theories involved, especially involving yahar’gul which you, gio, are aware how much it terrifies me, together with the creatures with the bags that can kidnap you if they down you; not to mention blood effects and its extraction. there is a reason why jacques is so desperately trying to stop using blood, after all...

i could talk about the alpha bloodborne of jacques’ story for hours, honestly, and a single post is definitely not enough... but i might - i should, actually - start making some posts every once in a while explaining a bit of divergent worldbuilding i’m making. or i might make those short comics with jacques i have in my mind since forever... those too.

36. do you feel similar to your muse in any way?

unfortunately, yes. and i say unfortunately because it’s easily seeable how jacques isn’t... in its best shape, really. and lately, me too - i will admit that i am venting a lot through jacques, so there are similarities between us. wihout going too deep with details, both our lives changed drastically and suddenly (only in very different ways), we both need a hand but it’s so hard to admit it, we’re both pretty melancholic and very scared lately... and we’re both really, really tired. at the same time, though, to say at least one positive thing about myself, i think we’re also both strong. we’re keeping on standing up and walking forward, despite everything. clinging to that certainty that things will get better, and not letting anyone tell us otherwise.

haha, i sound really cool said like this, don’t i?

37. do you feel different to your muse in any way?

oh, for that, we’re also very different! we’re definitely not the same person, which makes me let out a sigh of relief. i can safely say that he’s in a situation a lot worse than mine, which makes us live and react differently, and living in much different words also make a big difference. i’m not addicted to substances, which have not altered my personality or mannerism, i have a much more decent sleep schedule that keeps me sane, and i’m learning to stop and take pauses instead of always pushing forward, which he rarely does. at the same time, i’m not nearly brave as he is, and i don’t know how to use a spear or a rifle while he’s an expert. and to be fair, i’m certain there are a lot of other differences, but i’m starting to be sleepy and i can’t focus a lot anymore. but you get the point - in many things we’re very similar, and i relate to him a lot; on others, we are definitely different.

#thank you for the questions!! <3 #infernalpursuit #☾ ✶ * . — OUT OF A DREAM. waking up is just a matter of points of view.

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dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt · 3 years

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Okay so I was asked to make a post breaking down why this post is a bunch of TERF bullshit, so that’s what this is. If that document shown is even real and not falsified so people can get transphobic about it - TERFs tend to do that a lot, or take things out of context and omit like they did with that post - I don’t know.

Firstly let me get this out of the way: the mention of age here is due to a technicality, and nothing more. There are laws in place that prevent children from making life-altering changes to their bodies, and trans people do. not. want. them. changed. I repeat, TRANS PEOPLE ARE THE LEAST LIKELY TO WANT CHILDREN TO MAKE PERMENANT CHANGES TO THEIR BODIES THAT COULD GIVE THEM GENDER DYSPHORIA LATER IN LIFE. Hormone blockers exist to give gender confused kids time to grow out of their dysphoria (and yes, they are safe, TERFs like to borrow anti-vaxxer rhetoric and try to make every ingredient in them sound SCARY and DANGEROUS when it’s?? literally not?? doctors everywhere would not be assigning these blockers to children if they had life-long side effects, see the repetitive statement above), and prevent distressing changes to the bodies of actual trans kids until they are of legal age and can seek to medically transition. The only reason it’s mentioned here is because it’s illegal for children to get cosmetic surgery, but it’s not illegal for them to get reconstructive surgery. This document is just addressing that technicality, it did not mention the separate laws making it STILL illegal for children to undergo gender-confirmation surgery because it was not relevant to that specific document. It’s just a technicality, and paperwork is all about those.

And this isn’t even including the fact that you have to go through a ridiculously intensive - and I do mean RIDICULOUSLY INTENSIVE - evaluation process to even get eligible for surgery or hormones. I’m talking therapists, gender clinics and the more specialized experts there, doctors, surgeons, etc, etc. There’s a million hoops you have to jump through and a million steps for a medical professional to even consider giving you access to a medical transition.

Secondly, YES, BREASTS are a harmful abnormality on a MAN’S BODY. They’re not on a woman’s body because they don’t make women want to kill themselves or bring them lifelong distress. Nobody is forcing cis women to get top surgery. Nobody is saying they’re unnatural or harmful for women or that having a female body is a defect. This has nothing to do with cis women. None of this is about cis women. We are talking about trans men. The only way you could draw a conclusion that something like this is impacting women’s rights is to imply that a trans man is a confused cis woman, which is transphobic. And it is very, VERY important that a trans man’s chest is classified as an abnormality. If it is seen as harmful, and the surgery to remove it is classified as the same they use to remove tumours, that is a good thing, and it will save lives. How, may you ask?

The only difference between gender-confirming surgeries being classified as cosmetic vs reconstructive, is that insurance companies don’t have to cover cosmetic surgeries. And trust me, they don’t. When I was looking into top surgery, no insurance agency would cover any of it. Because it’s seen as purely cosmetic, same as lip plumping, their responses are basically “oh if it’s just a cosmetic surgery, you don’t need to have it, if you can’t afford it just don’t get the surgery haha :)” But if it’s classified as reconstructive, like getting congenital defects removed, insurance companies have to cover it because it is an urgent, necessary surgery. (Or in the very least, it irons out the easiest and most-used loophole they have.)

So it JUST means that eligible adult trans men (and non-binary people) who would never have been able to afford to pay for top surgery by themselves without an insurance agency will be able to get the surgery insured. And the more trans people being able to access the things they need to feel alright in their skin, the less chance there is that they’ll hurt themselves out of desperation. This kind of change would save thousands of lives.

Of course there will be people who have trans surgeries and regret it. Of course as the concept of being transgender is destigmatized some gender confused people are going to make mistakes. But they are adults - we’ve clearly established that they are ADULTS by now - and it is on them to decide what to do with their bodies, it is on them if they go through all the steps and then rush into what they know is a permanent surgery and regret it later. The lives of other adults are not your concern, they’re big people, they make their own choices. Besides, 83% of people who have had plastic surgery regretted it. Here is a document that looks into the low rate of detransitioners, have fun!!

#Matt speaks #transphobia #I'm not editing this #I'm tired

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imbellarosa · 3 years

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I'm likely the most anxious person alive. My anxiety is just terrible. I'm never not worrying and panicking and feeling so paranoid about things in my life. Except now it's reached a whole new level where I'm constantly plagued with anxious thoughts in this fandom. It's kind of fully taken over my life where my first thought when I wake up is about them, to the hours I'm lying awake (oh it's fun being an insomniac) waiting for sleep to finally grant me some serenity. It doesn't matter how many

, Atimes I tell myself I have no control over anything and I'm only ever seeing a tiny bit of the whole story so it's pointless. I try so hard to choose to not worry and not go insane thinking about everything but alas, anxiety is not a choice. This has manifested itself in a multitude of ways. Lyric analysis used to be something I savoured doing bc I have always connected so deeply with words and literature and I'm always someone who wants to dig deep beneath the surface, to see the parts of ppl

& lyrics that others gloss over, just delving into the core of things, seeing ppl for who they truly are. But now, I feel like I am losing it, that it's all become like this weird obsession. We all know BNFs are like DO NOT CHERRY PICK LYRICS and basically IGNORE THAT WEIRD GUT FEELING ABOUT ANY LYRICS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE SOMETHING'S NQR and they can sue me but I don't work like that. I've been obsessing over certain lyrics that I can't decipher or find an alternate meaning to the literal

one & obviously if it were to be taken literally it would be bad. And I just get so mad at myself for not understanding when words have always been my thing right? Like it was always where I excelled with flying colours and it came so naturally to me and then I get so exasperated with them (okay mainly H for his unfathomable lyrics) bc I want to understand more than anything (& I think deep down he craves being understood too) but he makes it so hard. But that's not the extent of it, I just

worry incessantly about everything. I just can't turn off my mind and it feels like it's on the verge of exploding. I wish I knew how to just take everything lightly & just revel in this fandom & have fun but instead I feel jaded and vexed all the time. And sometimes that infuriation is directed towards them & I feel guilty as I know that's unfair but I can't help it but it just gets on my nerves bc of the things they do & say (or rather don't do/say) haha so fun!! Apologies for this whole spiel

Hey anon <3! First of all, my inbox is always open, so jot that one right down. Second of all, I’m gonna say something that might sound out of line, but I think I have to say it: this sounds like your mental health might not be in a great place right now. And I don’t mean your “in fandom mental health”, I mean it sounds like your anxiety is giving you a really hard time overall, which, believe me, I know how much that sucks. Life is a lot right now. But what I am hearing you say is that this fandom has become a really tangible manifestation of those anxieties. Let me know if I’m way off base here, okay? But I’m going to ask some questions (that you totally don’t have to reply to me - you can absolutely just take inventory on your own if that’s how you feel most comfortable.

Are you safe? If you’re not safe, is there someone you can call? If not, here is the International Association for Suicide Prevention so that you can find resources in your area. If you are at all contemplating this, please stop reading right here and give them a call.

If you are safe, do you have someone you can talk to about how you feel? This can be someone that knows who you are in the fandom and can talk to you with immediate replies, or someone outside of fandom, like an irl friend or family member.

This question is primarily to do with a non-professional support system: do you have one you feel you can trust? If not, what are the things you could do to work towards that?

This question is about professional support: it sounds to me like you’re saying that your anxiety is really impairing your day to day functions. If this is the case, do you have a professional you can talk with about potential coping skills? It sounds like fandom used to be one, but as the environment here changed, so did your relationship with it, and so maybe reaching out to someone that can point you in other directions for coping skills is a good thing. Because I don't know where you live, my best advice would be to call your physician and explain the symptoms you’ve been having and ask if they have a list of therapists that you could see for little to no charge. If you don’t have a physician (and I often don’t) then google is your best friend here. There are some resources available, but none of them take the place of seeing a doctor. In the US, if you don’t have insurance, you can go to a local community clinic and ask to be put on a waiting list for a therapist, if you’d like.

I know that you’re saying that your anxiety is making it really difficult to disengage with BNFs and the discourse and all, but do you think that we could take it one step at a time? Like, for example, the lyric thing seems to really trigger your anxiety, so could you unfollow one blog (just one!) that makes you feel like that, and then see if you like your dash a bit better? It is TOTALLY okay to unfollow someone for your own mental health, and it isn’t a negative reflection on either of you!

Do you think that engaging with other media would help at all? For example, Supernatural has 15 whole seasons of absolute campy goodness which I really, really unironically adore. When this fandom gets too much, I turn on an episode and get lost in it for a hot second. Another thing I really enjoy is Good Omens! The book is AMAZING, and the TV show is HILARIOUS! And while we’re on recs, I SUPER SUPER recommend anything by Neil Gaiman, but “Stardust” in particular is a great, soothing read for me, and I LOVE the audiobook! Ah! Hot Tip! I pay for audible, and it is one of the BEST things for my anxiety, especially when I pick the right books. The voices are soothing, the stories are great, and I can just...tune everything else out.

If other media doesn’t help, would other hobbies? Would you be willing to go on a walk once a day to look for pretty stones or to ride your bike out with a book and stay for a minute or to start drawing at home or to write? Is there a way that you think you could healthily express these emotions which are a really normal response to an abnormal situation (the world is kinda a mess rn)

It sounds like you are feeling really badly that you don’t think you can get a grasp on the songs. Is there something you can do to rebuild your confidence here? Can you talk about it with a fandom friend, or write down all your theories and see which one sticks or start a brand new analysis with something that has nothing to do w H or L and then come back to the drawing board?

These are just questions that I would ask a friend that came to me with these issues, but honestly, I cannot stress #4 enough - if your anxiety is overwhelming (and it sounds like it is) then speaking to a professional is *so so so* important. I think it’s time to go take care of yourself, anon, and the boys will be here when you’re ready to interact with their content again. They’ll wait, you know? And I’ll be here the whole time if you want to do check-ins with me. I want to know that you’re okay, friend <3

#anon asks #i answer #i think that maybe some lyrics are literal and some are not #and that sometimes you get a mix in a song #i think often it's harry that has less literal lyrics #you're right #and i think that he often distances himself from the story #which he is very much a part of #but anyways #take care of yourself my friend and come back soon #long post for ts #tw suicide #tw anxiety #Anonymous

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youarejesting · 4 years

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Femme: 41

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader, GDragon x Bigbang

Rating: mature

Length: 4.9k

Warnings: sex, cum denial, mentions of assault, Dom Namjoon.

Announcement: Thank you for waiting patiently, I have been struggling with the internet. Here is the new chapter, I hope you all enjoy. If anything is missing let me know it took me 3 hours to post this from my niece's phone haha

Recap: The boys all found out y/n is having Yoongi’s baby and you all have to learn how to accommodate a little one. You have a magical wedding. You and Yoongi are getting down and dirty when you go into labour. You give birth to a beautiful baby boy named Kyungju. Scary, Fun and Cute times have been had and that’s where we left off.

Yoongi was playing the piano while wearing a papoose. Making exasperated sounds when something didn’t sound right in the song he was writing. Kyungju knew nothing about music but what his father exposed him to. Making a grunting sound whenever the music stopped playing he tried hard to mimic his father's sounds. When he really liked a song or melody he would wiggle and kick his feet squeaking happily and Yoongi continued brainstorming, silently laughing at his son’s cute reactions.

It was the first time Kyungju was without you. Looking at potential daycares for the days one of you weren’t home and seeing as Yoongi works from home and Taehyung and Namjoons jobs were contract-based. Meaning they only worked when there was work for them. This wouldn’t be often.

Yoongi placed the baby in the walker and sat on the floor in front of him taking out a container of puréed peach apple and pear. He tried to feed his son but he refused eyes full of amusement. “Come on Kyungie we aren’t playing it's time to eat”

After another refusal, Yoongi sighed taking a spoonful and trying to entertain his son to no avail. “Look I don’t know what your complaining about its fruit look it’s tasty” he scooped some into his mouth and made exaggerated sounds pausing.

“Man that’s actually really good, if you don’t eat it I will” Yoongi scooped another spoonful into his mouth watching his son leaning forward mouth open making grabbing hands, he laughed feeding him “that’s all it took, you will do it if I do it?”

Yoongi was chatting to Kyungju about his work while feeding him. Kungju’s eyes were growing heavy, dropping adorably. “I don’t see what the big deal is you know, it’s not like it’s a particularly good tune I mean I wrote it on the toilet” he scooped himself some purée before offering another to his son.

Kyungju slowly rolled the purée around his mouth most of it escaping as he slowly laid his head on his arm. Yoongi blinked shocked picking up his son and walking him to the nursery, he played him the music he had written for the infant. Making sure it was a low volume on the sound system. He cleaned his son’s face and hands removing the bib from his chest and laid his boy into the crib.

He switched on the monitor and walked out looking for his phone, spotting the half-eaten jar of purée beside it on the coffee table. He picked up both scooping some of the baby food into his mouth.

You had arrived home early, to see Yoongi enjoying the Jar of baby food. He froze, throwing the spoon into the sink and placing the small jar in the fridge. “No one will believe you” he smirked shutting. “Shit you are right, why didn’t I take a photo, look I won’t tell anyone about you eating the babies food if you go to the shop and buy some more, because that was our last jar”

When your boy woke he didn’t cry. He was babbling in his crib playing with his Woogie. You stepped into the room and watched his eyes light up and the pull of his all gum smile in response. He looked so much like his father. Taking Kyungju to the antenatal clinic he was weighed and measured they asked you questions about his diet and movement.

You walked home pushing the pram, Kyungju dropped his Woogie off the side and a kid in uniform stopped picking it up. “Hey little man you dropped this” he smiled and looked up, you took a sharp breath. It was the same kid the one who had helped you get your purse but also led you down an alleyway where people were waiting to do god knows what.

Your breathing became erratic, freezing up as if one wrong move could hurt your baby. “I’m sorry,” he said and turned away from you, noticing his face was bruised and busted. “I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me” He curled up and was hyperventilating more than you, your son turned looking up at you and reached forward to gently pull on the boy's hair.

“Kyungie, no we don’t pull hair” grabbing your son’s hand and untangling it from the reddish locks. Shushing the teen until his breathing evened out “Listen I am not going to hurt you, but, can you tell me about why you did it?” “Everyone has their breaking point, I let them all getaway and had been beaten because of it but everyone has a limit when their fear takes over and they will do anything to keep themselves or their loved ones safe, I am sorry it had to be you”

“What happened to your face?” “It was just a couple hits,” he said and you looked at his face and sighed “it’s not like I can do anything I have no home or family or anyone who cares about me, they all died years ago, when I was starving on the street they told me they would protect men feed me and put a roof over my head but now I can’t escape”

You bit your lip, hooping like hell you wouldn’t regret this, you gave him your number, “look if you need help call me, and use the code word bangtan. Stay safe”

When you arrived at home Yoongi still wasn’t back yet he texted that he took a detour for lamb skewers. Taking the opportunity to film. “Hey, guys so I just got back from Kyungie’s appointment they say he is looking really good. But today I have some exciting news, I am pregnant again I haven’t told the boys yet but I just got back from the doctor and I am sixteen weeks which is four months, I successfully kept this one a secret, though I think Jiminie and Hobi are getting really suspicious, I haven’t had any morning sickness this pregnancy which has been a dream.”

“I also got the results on who the next father is, but I haven’t read it yet I am going to tell them all tonight so I will record it for you and-” you told the camera your plan and began editing the first half of the video so it was almost ready to post.

The boys came home one by one. You had set up multiple cameras around the living room with the remote in your pocket ready to film their reactions. Dinner consisted of jjigae, rice and banchan for the adults, Kyungju had puréed chicken broccoli and pumpkin, he was having more fun spitting it at Jimin than actually eating.

“Come on Kyungie eat your dinner” “I went to the doctor today, Kyungie hasn’t really put on much weight so they want to monitor him a little more but he is growing really well and is in the top seventy-five percent for his age”

“But babies as they get more active and as his diet is changing it will slow down his weight gain we just have to watch he is eating enough. I called Yoongi‘s mother and she said Yoongi was the same and not to worry”

“And the doctor was impressed with my muscles said if I keep following Kookies light workout routine that I should have no troubles at all and she said sex and orgasms are a good work out for pelvic floor muscles so if anyone wants to work out, you know where to find me” “That’s good that you had no issues” Namjoon grinned from across the table, “if anything changes let us know your health is most important to us”

“Did the doctor say anything else?” Hoseok asked and you grinned at him. “He said Kyungie needs his six-month vaccinations but I booked that later this week when Namjoon had his day off, I couldn’t go alone and tomorrow is his first day at daycare and then I am heading off to work so if anyone wants to drop him off with me you can otherwise we will record it if someone is busy and so we can keep it forever”

Seokjin was taking kyungie for a bath after dinner. The two sat in the warm water Jin smiling and playing with the squeaky bath toys that made Kyungie erupt in fits of giggles. Taehyung took him to get him dried and dressed. You told him you had laid clothes out on the changing table in the nursery. You pressed record seeing the red lights on the hidden camera’s switch on.

Taehyung walked him back from the nursery and laughed. “This is funny his suit says big brother on it like he is asking to be a big brother” he showed them the words on the suit.

“Are you pregnant again?” “I knew it Jagiya, Jimin and I have been discussing it for weeks” Hoseok laughed “I thought I hid it well” “We are going to need a bigger house. How far along are you?”

“Kyungie you’re a big brother” Taehyung grinned down at the boy “Who is the father?” Hoseok asked “One at a time, okay I am four months. I got to sixteen weeks without you finding out and it was exhausting but I didn’t get morning sickness this time because I knew how to prevent it better”

“Who is the father?” Namjoon asked quietly. “I don’t know but I have the letter, so who wants to read it first” They all shook their heads and you hummed opening the letter and covered your mouth crying, “Kookie, you’re going to be a daddy” you sniffed and he shot from the chair and wrapped his arms around you crying. He had a wet face and his hands were shaking.

“I love you” his laugh was broken by a sob, “I’m going to be a dad” The boys tackled him and patted his back. “Jaykay, you sly dog” they cheered happily.

You took Kyungju to daycare with your usual walking and Taehyung. The place was run by a lovely group of young men and women, “ah Miss y/n, so this is Kyungju, how are you today? He looks happy” a cute young man with a name tag that said ‘hello my name is Sungmin’. Sungmin grinned scooping up your son from your arms. He tried to keep his voice from sounding winded as he received several strong kicks to the chest by a smiling Kyungju.“He is a strong one”

“Congratulations we saw your announcement video, another baby” Sunny smiled Yoona gave you a quick hug before you had to go to work. You had met the two the day before for all the paperwork and interviews. They assured you they would call if anything seemed odd, you kissed your boy and tried not to cry.

Inshik listened while you spoke about the daycare and your new pregnancy, he comforted you about your son being away from home. You got up to serve a customer but it was Jimin, eventually, all the boys turned up and you stepped out the van, “hello my lovers why are you all here? I’m not giving free ice creams”

“Joon told us to” Hoseok smiles pulling you onto his lap pressing his lips to the back of your neck whilst rubbing your tummy. Namjoon spoke quickly to Inshik who told you that was all for today. Namjoon led you to a company van and after a short drive, you arrived at a lovely building. The group stepping out to greet others.

“Okay, this is a little expensive but it is just a block from Kyungie’s daycares and still close to our workplaces it’s got a huge master bedroom, it’s built as a Femme home, so there are a lot of rooms.

A realtor walked you through and you looked around imagining how you would decorate. “But what about the TXT boys I can’t leave them behind“ “We have so many rooms they could stay over for sleepovers” Taehyung grinned and you debated the costs.

“This is a big and expensive house” your face showed your concerns. “We can do it, we all make a good living and the videos we make online can cover most of our expenses anyways” “Let’s sleep on it”

The channel grew more and more. The boys and their families all put money in to help you buy the house outright and you were so happy moving in. Staying in the huge master bedroom the room was ten meters wide and there were two Super Caesar beds each bed was 3.65 meters wide and could fit four people in each so both beds custom fit together could hold eight people comfortably.

Rolling from one side to the other was a full 7.3 meters and the bathroom was huge as well, there were five bathrooms in the house and the boys had a computer and games room an office and Yoongi’s studio. You all decided to make a room for making videos for your channel.

So the new house had twelve rooms and you were excited some of the boys still used their own rooms when they needed their own space. Otherwise, they all stayed in the master bedroom and left the other rooms for guests.

And not only was their room for guests you had room for pets, so all the boy’s beloved pets moved into the house. Yoongi had taught holly to protect Kyungju so he spent most of his nights on the soft rug in the nursery.

When Kyungju would crawl across the floor after Yeontan and Mickey, Holly would lay on his belly and crawl along beside Kyungju.

Sometimes you would see the Mins sleeping on the studio couch, Kyungju on Yoongi’s chest Woogie in his little fist and holly at Yoongi’s feet.

“Hey everyone it’s been so hectic, as you saw in our house tour video last week, we moved into a new house. It’s May and I am seven months pregnant and extremely exhausted after setting up, so today we are just going to have live mukbang so I can eat and relax and talk about things happening”

“I have a few friends coming over with some, so they should be here any minute” the TXT boys turned up and with bags of food making themselves comfortable in front of the camera. “We got you your favourite foods Noona, hello everyone?” “You look tired Noona are you feeling okay?” “Just tired from moving but this house is so big which is perfect for our growing family”

“Noona look what I am wearing today,'' Yeonjun showed his shirt which you had given them in a PR package, it was your channel merchandise. “You grinned showing him the TXT phone case, which you put on especially for them. Eating and talking, Soobin whose hands were full bouncing Kyungju to sleep was being fed by Beomgyu and Yeonjun.

Your son woke after all the food was demolished so you ended the live, fed and changed him, giving him to Taehyun who was super playful. Your phone rang, there was no caller ID.

“Hello?” Someone was sobbing into the other end and you felt your body tense, who was this. “hello?” “Bangtan,” the voice said “please Bangtan” “Okay stay on the phone are you safe?” “No they are outside the door they are going to bust it down”

You took Soobin’s phone off the table and called Namjoon, he didn’t answer. You lied through your teeth, “help is coming” “Hurry please” “Hang in there we will be there soon tell me where you are?” He gave you an address “can you put something in front of the door a dresser or a bed or something”

You told the boys to take care of Kyungju for a few minutes and you took a cab across town and threw the driver some cash and told him to stay and keep the car running. You left the door open much to the driver’s dismay.

You wondered if this was the place, your suspicions confirmed by the shouting from inside, you called him. “I am here are you near a window” you saw his head poke out and you frowned he was on the second floor. You hummed sneaking across the lawn and he started climbing out. You could hear the men breaking down the door he jumped. You heard a sickening crunch and he slapped a hand over his face muffling his scream. The door wouldn’t hold much longer and they would know he had escaped. With all the strength of a mother saving an endangered Child you picked him up and moved quickly to the taxi, you placed him in.

“Take us to the hospital” you got their helping him limp to the emergency room. Phone ringing, it was Namjoon. They had arrested the men for possession of weapons and drugs. One of them had videos on their phone of them assaulting people including the young boy with you.

He had been in surgery for severe internal bleeding and to set his leg and his leg was wrapped in a cast, “what do I do now, I have no home, no money, nothing?” He woke delusional sobbing quietly his split lip reopening. He couldn’t cry well since his eyes were swollen and his broken nose made it hard to breathe.

Namjoon arrived and the TXT boys informed you Seokjin and Jungkook had returned home and we’re looking after Kyungjuf. Thanking them profusely you got the all clear that you and the baby were healthy, and was told not to enter dangerous or stressful situations.

Namjoon spoke with the young boy, “Hello, my name is detective Kim, I want to ask you some questions, is that okay?”The boy nodded “can you tell me your name and how old you are?”

“Nam Yoon-do but people call me Eric,” he said shuffling on the bed. “I am sixteen”

Namjoon finished his questions with the boy each answer pulled at your heartstrings, homeless and an orphan at the age of nine he did what he could to survive. Your genius husband headed over fixing you a cold stare, shutting the curtain. “Why is my pregnant wife going alone to the home of a gang, they are criminals, the lowest of the low”

“He called me and he said the code word for help. I couldn’t sit around and you didn’t answer your phone. He was begging for help as they tried to break down his door. I couldn’t listen to those sounds, I had to do something, I may be pregnant but I am good at hiding. If I went back in time I would do it again in a heartbeat, it’s over now he is safe and that’s all that matters”

“Yeah he is lucky to be alive, they did quite a number on him,” Namjoon said “Can he stay with us?” You asked and Namjoon blanched, he told you it wasn’t a good idea giving you some very good reasons why he shouldn’t. Almost convinced and yet one look at the sad young boy and you had made your mind up.

Namjoon saw the determination in your eyes and gave a small laugh, “you are my wife and if this is your decision then I will stand by you just know that our family comes first and we should all have a say”

“He is the same age as the TXT boys he has had a bad life” you argued calmly trying to keep your voice down. “And he only knows how to do bad things” Namjoon hissed “this is delicate we don’t know what he might do”

“Give him a chance to be good, we don’t know what he will do if we don’t give him the chance” His lips moulding against yours his hands grasping and bunching the fabric of your skirt. Grabbing your shoulders he turned you. Catching your hands on the hospital mattress you had previously been resting on.

He threw his suit jacket onto the bed beside your hands. You heard the stretch of leather, the metal clack of his belt, and the sweet erotic sound of his zip. You were wet with anticipation, he reached between your legs brushing two fingertips against your clothed clit.

Hands tightening in the sheets, Namjoon traced a line down your heat and groaned. He pulled down your underwear, the shuffle of fabric the only sound before you felt him, thick against your thigh.

He ran the head of his cock against your entrance. The ache for him was so bad. grinding back against him, he held your hips firm. And pressed the tip into your pussy, he didn’t go all the way in teasing you.

You pleaded under your breath and he closed his eyes moaning at your begging. Unable to take anymore he pulled your hips towards him sinking into your wet folds. You lifted your head up gasping.

He snapped his hips into you, his grasp on your hips was so he could pull you back to meet every thrust. You were so close muffling your sounds with his suit jacket. He came hard inside you a bloom of warmth filling your lower stomach his dick twitching as he released.

“You did something dangerous today and could have gotten hurt, you need to learn how that would affect us all as a family. So you are being punished, you are not allowed to cum for one whole week and I will be telling the other boys this too” he pulled your underwear up, turning you to face him.

He brushed his knuckles along your cheek, “you don’t know how it feels knowing you could be hurt. I work a dangerous job and there is a chance I won’t come home, what if I was beaten or even killed, how would you feel? That isn’t even half of what we might feel if something happened to you”

“I will accept this punishment because I know exactly how you would feel but please think about this. That boy has no one who will feel this if something happens to him. What if this was your son? What if we all died and kyungie was left alone? I would want a nice family to take him in rather than my poor boy be on the street”

“Why do you always have such compelling arguments?” He lowered his forehead onto your shoulder and you fixed his suit “look my parents have a spare bedroom now that all the children left home and they are much more mature and stable than us. They can give him all the attention he deserves while we are focused on the babies. Not to mention they would love another son, my father has been pretty lonely since us boys have moved out”

“He would really like that wouldn’t he” you remembered fondly Namjoon’s father absolutely adoring your husbands and trying to invite them to go camping or fishing. Yoongi seemed really interested in the latter and even convinced Seokjin and Jungkook to go when the weather got warm. Needless to say, the older gentleman had been calling and messaging every weekend with updates and packing tips and fun facts about how to be a better fisherman.

“Eric?” You called walking on shaky legs across the room. He looked up in response to his name and you felt the pang of guilt in your chest for letting him go when you saw the first bruises, why hadn’t you helped him that day. It wouldn’t have come to this.

Taking his hand in yours “forgive me, I shouldn’t have let you go back the day I saw the bruises, this is all my fault I could have prevented this” “Noona it’s not your fault, I wouldn’t expect you to help after what I did?”

“I have to go, you stay here, okay everything will be fine and I will pay the bill okay, just rest”

It was a long week the boys hadn’t let you orgasm as Namjoon requested each one silently furious that you could be so reckless. You were frustrated but you loved each of them so much you were satisfied when they were satisfied.

Eric was finally able to see properly his swollen and purple toned bruises had faded to a dark green yellow and he was looking more like his handsome self. “Where did you get this?” “Yeonjun and Kai and those group of boys you are friends with all brought me my homework a few days ago”

“Do you need any help?” “Can you help me with English?” He looked up nervous, nodding you sat on the end of his bed taking the textbook and skimming the pages. It was about hobbies and adjective orders. You decided to start small and introduce yourselves hoping he could gain confidence.

“Hello my name is y/n“ “Hello my name is Eric” “How old are you Eric?” “I am sixteen” “What do you like?” “I like… uh how you say food place and uh red colour and look seeing uh town” “You like restaurants and the colour red and you like going and looking around town?” “Ah I like going new place” “Oh going to new places, how about a new home?”

He was processing the words slowly and seemed confused dropping a ‘sorry I don’t understand’. You smiled he looked so confused. “I found you a home, I wanted to know if you would like to stay with my father in law?”

“I don’t know this one sorry” he blushed “That’s okay I can ask you in Korean. My father in law owns a big house and he wanted to know if you would like to stay in one of the spare rooms”

He pencil paused on the page and he looked up with hopeful eyes, then seemed to crush it down trying to look indifferent looking back at his page working quietly.“I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“My parents in law, they met you would have already added you to the family. They are a lovely couple and they live close to your school. I won’t let you leave here alone again. I’m sorry but the only choice you have right now is what colour you want your bedroom, he texted me this morning”

Handing over the phone he began reading the message, “what colour does he like, I can’t paint the room before he arrives, is he allergic to anything. If he is unsure we can pick out colours and bedding when he arrives. Does he need anything, school books, uniform or bag?”

Eric stopped reading and looked up at you, “I don’t know if I am okay with that?” “Well he wanted to meet you today is that okay?” “Uh sure” his smile was small and you wanted to squeeze him to your chest and protect him. Reaching out to tousle his unruly hair feeling extremely maternal. You heard a familiar voice from outside.

“Good morning, my lady I was looking for a mister Nam Yoon-Do” you both looked at each other and you smiled. “Can you tell me if he is allowed some snacks from outside the hospital?” “Of course sir he has no restrictions to his diet and no allergies, I will just see if he is ready for more visitors” The nurse poked her head into the room and confirmed he was expecting someone.

“Ah hello you must be the young man Mister Nam Yoon-do, Can I call you Yoon-do or do you prefer Yoonie” “Yes sir, please call me Eric” He looked at his hands and you felt your heart constrict, rubbing his back and smiled. “Eric are you hungry, the lunch trolley is late again today, how about we eat something together, there looks like a lot of food”

“Ah yes, the wife made this for us to enjoy,” He smiled “we are excited to have you if you want to live with us that is, we got some rooms and you just let us know what you like to eat. And you can have the computer room to play all those games the kids are talking about and if you like fishing we could go out and…”

Walking home you walked past Kyungju’s Daycare picking him up, the staff there loved him and you were glad he was able to make a few little friends he could grow up alongside. You were picking up his bag when you saw Seokjin waiting for you outside. “Hello Daddy what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to take you on a date if that’s okay with you, we will both have to change and leave Kyungie at home with the others but then we can head on our way”

Femme Media 41

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