#the other much louder part of me is begging for these to secretly be everywhere so i can have my cathersis | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alicanta77 · 3 years

Text

Pairing: y/n x Jeno

Themes: angst, fluff

Warnings: death, injury, survivors guilt and a whole bucket of angst - really prepare yourself

Words: 11.5k

Synopsis: Jeno thought he had life pretty much figured out. He had amazing friends, a very supportive family, the career he had always dreamed of and fans who loved him from all over the world. It looked as if there was nothing more he could want. But something was missing from his life and Jeno couldn’t figure out what it was. Then, one morning while he was on a run, he spotted you. And suddenly Jeno found his life had a whole new meaning to it. The two of you fell in love harder and deeper than anyone had thought possible, and it seemed like, finally, the final piece of the puzzle had fallen into place. But life isn’t always a smooth ride, and sometimes things don’t go the way you want them to. And Jeno finds himself learning and experiencing things he never wished he’d ever have to.

This story is part of the ‘Sometimes Letting Go’ collaboration organised by the absolutely brilliant @rvse-hvvck <333

tag list: @xysabellex @aconeptun @jeongyoonohs @pewpewpwe00 @lebrookestore @moon-jun

——————————————————————————

Sometimes letting go, hurts less than holding on

——————————————————————————

Jeno still remembers the first day he met you. He was in the park, having decided to go for a run on the morning of his day off, wanting to feel the fresh air after being cooped up in the practice room for the past two weeks. He was trying to find the motivation to move faster than a sluggish walk, his muscles arguing with his mind, when he looked up and saw you. You were leaning over the river, watching as the water passed by underneath you and Jeno couldn’t help but stare. He pulled his headphones out of his ears and just observed the beautiful girl he saw before him.

He watched as you looked up and he quickly tried to look away, in an attempt to act as though he wasn’t just creepily watching a stranger in the park. You let out a giggle and Jeno thought it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

‘Can I help you?’ You asked, a kind smile on your face.

‘Hi, sorry, I didn’t mean to stare, I just...’ Jeno wracked his brain trying to think of a way to explain himself before giving up and deciding to just go with the truth. ‘You’re really beautiful.’

You didn’t react for a second, making panic run through every vein in Jeno’s body. But that soon relaxed when a smile made its way on your face and you let out a little embarrassed laugh. He couldn’t help but let out a small laugh himself at his blunder, relieved that you hadn’t run away from him already.

‘You’re not that bad yourself.’ You replied, the nervousness you were clearly feeling obvious in your face and words. ‘I’m y/n.’

‘Jeno.’ He introduced himself.

And that was where it all began.

---

It didn’t take long for Jeno to become completely infatuated with you. You had the kind of energy that just drew people to you. Everywhere you went, you radiated a kindness that grabbed people’s attention. And before he knew it, before he could stop it, Jeno was smitten.

Jeno learnt pretty quickly that you kept your circle small, choosing the few people you trusted to be close to you, to know the real you. And Jeno wanted nothing more than to be one of those people.

The two of you made it a tradition to go to that same park, once a week, you would go into the nearby coffee shop, grab some food and head out to the river. Jeno kept this to himself, but your trips together quickly became his favourite part of the week.

He never really found time to relax, always being busy with rehearsing or writing lyrics or staying in shape, and he’d always thought he didn’t have the time to form a relationship of any kind with someone. But somehow, no matter how busy he was, Jeno found himself able to make time for you.

It was at that same park that Jeno asked you out for the first time. He had just bought your favourite order from the coffee shop, and was ready and waiting for you when you arrived. You came jogging up to him, slightly out of breath and with a slightly red nose from the cooling autumn air.

‘Sorry!’ You breathed, pausing for a second to calm yourself. ‘I was really late leaving the house and then I got stuck in traffic so I ran as soon as I could.’

‘You didn’t have to do that.’ Jeno chuckled, handing you your coffee and pastry. ‘I don’t mind waiting for you.’

You took the order out of his hand, smiling up at him in gratitude.

‘Thank you for ordering for me, I’ll get the next one. And yes I did, I didn’t want to leave you waiting. Plus it’s hard to find time together so I want to make the most of it when we have it.’

The two of you began to walk, staying close to the riverside as you headed towards the sheltered spot you always went. It was hidden slightly in the trees so that Jeno could take off his mask without worrying about who would see him.

It had become almost a kind of safe haven for Jeno, a place where he could be himself and not have to worry about what anybody thought. He had always felt comfortable being his true self around you, you had always encouraged him to drop the image he had to wear any time there was a camera around him, and he appreciated that more than he let you know.

Jeno couldn’t take his eyes off you as the two of you walked. There was a small light in your eyes as you talked about your recent piece of work that you were avoiding, laughing at yourself and claiming how much you knew you were going to regret it but that was a problem for you in the future.

Jeno laughed along with you, so taken in by the melodious sound that escaped your lips that he almost walked past your usual spot. You reached out to grab his hand, stopping him in his tracks as he stared down at your intertwined hands. You nodded your head down to the ground, gesturing that you were here and silently pulled him down to sit next to you.

Jeno couldn’t quite get over how perfectly your hand fit in his, the way your fingers curled tightly around his made him never want to let go. And it was in this moment that he realised, this wasn’t just infatuation.

He wasn’t sure what it was. He didn’t think it was love just yet, but it was definitely something more than just a crush. Whatever it was, Jeno wanted more of it.

He tore his eyes away from your hands to look at your face, only to be greeted with your gaze already on him. Your eyes were fixated on his and your lips were slightly parted, with small breaths escaping them.

God you were beautiful.

‘Can I kiss you?’ Jeno whispered, and it took about a millisecond before he started mentally cursing himself in every language that he knew. He almost wished Jaemin were here so that he could slap him on head.

Jeno was about to take it back, to apologise and make up something about being so worn out recently that he wasn’t sure what he was saying, until he heard your reply.

‘Yes.’

Your voice was soft, almost inaudible, but your words were louder than a scream to Jeno. It took him a minute to actually register that you had agreed, but when it finally sunk in he refused to waste any time.

He leant in, delicately cupping your face with his hands and closed the gap between the two of you. His lips pressed gently to yours and you leaned further into him. He pulled away soon, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable and opened his eyes to look at you.

He moved his hands from your face as he took in your expression. Your eyes opened slowly, immediately finding his and conveying all that they needed to say.

You reached up with your hands, this time placing them on his face and pulled him in again, kissing him with more passion. Jeno’s arms wound around your waist, pulling your body closer to him as he kissed you back.

The two of you seemed to move closer together and each second passed, wanting nothing more than to leave no space between the two of you. Eventually you pulled away, the need to breathe breaking the perfect kiss.

However, you didn’t move away from him, instead staying close enough that Jeno could rest his forehead on yours. He kept his eyes shut, imprinting this moment into his memory so that he would never forget it.

‘Be mine?’ He asked breathlessly, wanting nothing more than to officially be able to call you his, and kiss you like that whenever he wanted.

You didn’t reply, making a stream of panic flood Jeno’s system as he began to worry that he had spoken too soon or moved too quickly. But then, you spoke the one word that made his heart soar.

‘Always.’

---

Jeno laying facing you, one hand gently stroking the hair out of your face as you lay on the other. He looked into your eyes, memorising the swirl of colours that always enchanted him. You were staring back at him, the only noise in the room being your soft breaths.

Jeno had come to love nights like these. Before, he would just head back to the dorms, play games for a couple of hours and then sleep. But recently, he’d been finding it difficult to relax if he didn’t have you by his side. You had some kind of power over him, Jeno just found himself relaxing under your touch.

This wasn’t the first time you were spending the night, you had come over for dinner to meet the boys a while back, and a sudden storm had broken out, preventing you from getting home so Jeno had offered for you to stay the night. The boys had all loved you, so none of them minded, Jaemin even going as far as to bribe you with a cooked breakfast the next morning. The two of you had fallen asleep on his bed together, you begging him not to sleep on the floor. Ever since that night, he’d secretly been needing you in order to fall asleep.

The last time Jeno had checked his phone, the time had been 00:36, and that had been a while ago. He watched as your eyes began to flutter shut slightly, but you forced them open.

‘Can you get me talking on something?’ You whispered. ‘I don’t want to fall asleep just yet.’

‘Do you think a person can give you infinity?’ Jeno mumbled out, just saying the first thing that came to his mind.

You were quiet for a second, thinking about your answer before replying.

‘Yeah, I think so. When you’re lucky enough to find someone who you love, and who loves you like that, I think it is an infinity.’

‘But things always end? One way or another, you know, you break up, someone moves on, or even if you stay together all your lives one of you will eventually die, leaving the other alone. And it will end.’ Jeno replied, frowning as he tried to understand your point of view.

‘I don’t think anything ever really ends, not a story, not a relationship, not a life. You always see traces of it anywhere you look. Things live on, not in or as themselves, but in other people, in the lives of others that they touched, that they had an impact on.’ You explained your point, your voice still at a low volume, as if you would destroy the atmosphere if you spoke too loud. ‘People carry parts of them with them as they lead their lives, and eventually, pass it on to others they know. Nothing ever really ends because it lives on in everything else.’

Jeno paused, thinking over what you said and found himself nodding.

‘That makes sense.’ He admitted to you, watching as you smiled at that.

‘What do you see in your future?’ You asked, abruptly changing the subject.

Jeno raised an eyebrow, smirking teasingly at you.

‘What do you see in yours?’

You looked up at him, debating whether you should tell him or force him to speak first. After a short internal battle, you ended up swallowing your pride and being the one to talk.

‘If I’m honest, I want the career, I want to travel and I want to be able to make friends and make mistakes and be stupid, but at the end of the day, when I look further than five to ten years, the one thing I really want is a family. I don’t see massive parties, or constant travelling, I want to have Sunday mornings breakfasts with everyone around the table, I want to push my kids on the swings in the playground, I want to bring them to their grandparents for the day and I want to help with homework. I want a family, and the domestic life that comes with them.’

While you were saying this, the smirk on Jeno’s face had morphed into a smile of pure love. He wrapped his arms tighter around you, pulling you into his chest as he let out a sigh, dropping his head onto yours and placing a kiss on the top of your head.

‘That sounds amazing.’ He whispered. ‘As long as I don’t have to help with Maths.’

He heard you giggle into his chest, your body moving slightly with laughter at his words.

‘Deal. I’ll help with Maths, but that means you have to do science.’ You bargained, and Jeno nodded, leaning in to give you a kiss.

And he didn’t tell you this then, but he hoped with every fibre of his being that he was in that picture.

---

Jeno hit the final pose, staring into the mirror as he breathed heavily. The other six boys around him were in similar positions, all trying to catch their breath after their run through of the dance. They had been in the practice room for over seven hours now, they were tired, hungry, their muscles ached and they just wanted to go home.

The choreographer called for a fifteen minute break, telling them to get a drink of water and then they would run it through one final time. The boys nodded, waiting until he had left the room before they all collapsed onto the floor, the exhaustion of the day catching up to them.

The seven of them lay there, all in an ungraceful heap when the door creaked open again. Jisung sat up in a rush, thinking it was the choreographer, but immediately falling down again when he saw who it was. The confused Jeno, and he was about to sit up and have a look when your laugh echoed throughout the room.

‘I take it you guys are tired.’ You teased, walking through the mess of bodies to greet their manager who was sitting on their phone in the corner.

You didn’t get much more than a few groans in greeting, making you sigh and hold up the bag you had brought with you.

‘I brought food for you guys!’ You announced, unable to stop yourself from laughing at the sudden energy burst in the room.

The boys began to sit up, and you quickly moved into the middle of them, placing the bag down and sitting yourself next to Jeno.

‘What about the choreographer?’ Renjun asked no one in particular.

‘They won’t be back for another ten minutes, just have a snack and drink and, you can stay to eat the rest after we finish.’ Their manager replied from their spot in the corner of the room before turning their attention back to their phone.

The boys all grinned at each other letting out excited shouts as they looked through the food you brought. They all grabbed a snack each, wasting no time in digging in to refuel.

‘So, what flavour have you got this time?’ Jaemin asked, noticing the cup in your hand that bared the logo of your favourite frozen yoghurt shop.

‘It’s called “Tropical Breeze” apparently and I have no idea what’s in it.’ You informed him, mumbling the last part slightly as you looked at the cold treat you were holding. It was a mixture of orange, yellow and red swirls, with a few white spots here and there. ‘It’s nice though.’

Jaemin let out a chuckle as Chenle spoke up.

‘Do you think this will be the one you get twice then?’

You simply grinned at him, humming thoughtfully before shaking your head in reply.

Jeno laughed at that, accepting the energy drink you held out to him. He took a few gulps, thankful beyond belief that you had thought to refrigerate them before bringing them here. He could feel the liquid cooling him down as he flopped his body down on top of your legs, curing up into you.

You instinctively brought your hand down to his hair, running your fingers through it as he gently hummed happily. For once, the boys seemed to decide to leave the two of you in peace, rather than tease you within an inch of your lives.

‘You tired baby?’ You asked, feeling Jeno nod in response. ‘You’re almost there, the day’s almost over.’

Jeno smiled at that, the simplest words, even ones that he’d told himself multiple times that day had so much more power coming from you. Your comforting whispers, accompanied by the hand you were running through his hair all allowed him to finally catch his breath.

Just at the moment he sat up, the choreographer strutted back in, calling for the boys to stand and run it through one final time. He tore himself away from you, making his way to his starting position as you moved the food out of the way before setting down by the side of the practice room.

Jeno wasn’t sure how you had managed to befriend the choreographer but he was thankful you did, because it meant that you were allowed to sit in the corner and watch their practices sometimes.

Jeno looked over at you as the music began and you sent him a reassuring nod as he began to dance, suddenly finding himself a lot more energised than before.

---

You knocked lightly on Jeno’s door, keeping it quiet just in case he was asleep. You couldn’t see any light coming from the crack under the door, but Jaemin had assured you that he was still awake. You’d gotten a call from Jaemin, asking you if there was any way you could come around tonight. Apparently, the choreography teacher hadn’t been in the nicest mood today, leaving Jeno to be on the receiving end of his temper tantrum. That, accompanied with a diet and the pressure the boys were under to make this show great, were not adding up to a good day.

You knocked again, this time hearing a small mumble from the inside that vaguely resembled the words ‘come in’. You took that as a sign and pushed open the door slightly to peak inside.

The room was dark, the curtains pulled shut in order to block out any light left in the day, and the bedside light was also switched off. Jeno was a lump underneath his duvet, the cover pulled right up to his face so that you could hardly see him.

You approached him quietly, gently sighing when you saw the state he was in. You sat next to him, softly stroking some hair out of his face and leaning in to place a kiss on his forehead.

Jeno sniffed quietly, clearly not wanting you to see him so upset, but you didn’t want to leave him alone right now. You kept running your fingers through his hair, whispering comforting words over and over.

‘It’s okay, you just need sleep and then you’ll be in tomorrow. Tomorrow’s a new day and you can start fresh then. It’s gonna be alright, I promise you.’

Jeno shut his eyes, nodding along to what you were saying, trying to make himself believe it.

‘Do you want me to massage your muscles?’

Jeno opened his eyes at your offer, sending you a sad smile and shaking his head. He instead lifted an arm, opening his duvet to you.

‘Could you just come here?’ He whispered pleadingly to you, wanting nothing more than to just hug you as close to him as he possibly could for the remainder of the night.

You smiled at him lovingly, immediately placing your phone on his bedside table before lying down next to him. You curled up into his warmth, snaking an arm around his waist to give him a comforting squeeze. You felt his grip around you get gradually tighter and tighter, and you nuzzled your head further into his chest, feeling his relax slightly as you did so.

‘I’m going to be here.’ You whispered. ‘When you go to sleep I’ll be here and I’ll still be here when you wake up, I promise.’

Jeno nodded at that, leaning down to kiss your forehead, before shutting his eyes. You leant up to place a kiss wherever you could reach, eventually settling for the bottom of his neck. He smiled slightly, prompting you to do it again.

‘Tickles.’ He muttered, unable to stop a small chuckle from escaping him when you did it a third time. ‘Stop.’

You giggled to yourself, glad that he was smiling before sleeping and relaxing back into his embrace. After a short while, the two of you finally fell asleep, both your hearts as intertwined as your bodies were.

You fell asleep first, missing the sentence that Jeno whispered into your hair as he let sleep take him.

‘I love you so much.’

---

Jeno lay on the grass in the park where the two of you first met. He came here quite often, sometimes with you, sometimes alone. But he always came to just remember the day he met you, the day his life changed for the better. Jeno didn’t know where he would be or how he would be living if he hadn’t had the courage to walk up to you that day on the bridge.

He heard footsteps approaching from behind him, and turned to look at you as you lay down in the grass next to him. Your head gently hit the ground, and the two of you turned to face each other, gently smiling in greeting before turning your eyes back to the sky.

As always, the two of you waited before saying anything, just letting the tranquility of the night relax you before speaking.

‘Three stars in a row, completely straight, do you see them?’ You asked, pointing them out as best you could. Jeno nodded, allowing you to continue. ‘That’s Orion’s belt. According to Greek mythology, Orion was a hunter, and a good one at that. However, he was also very proud, he even boasted that he would kill every beast of the earth, and that he was a better hunter than Artemis. This angered Artemis, the Goddess of the Hunt, so much so that, to teach him a lesson, she sent a scorpion after him. There was a huge battle between the two, ending in the scorpion fatally stinging Orion. Zeus placed both Orion and the scorpion in the sky, however, on opposite sides of the earth. This is so that their feud will remain in the past, and that is why you will never see Orion and the Scorpion in the sky at the same time.’

Jeno didn’t reply, just simply smiled at the constellation, finding it difficult to take his eyes off it now that you had explained the story.

‘There’s multiple versions to it. One includes Gaia, who is the protector of all animals, and one-’

‘I like it.’ Jeno interrupted your ramblings. ‘Most of these myths have many versions, just tell me your favourites.’ He reached out, intertwining your fingers and giving your hand a reassuring squeeze.

The two of you continued to lie there in silence. It had become tradition for you to bring a new constellation to your conversation every time you met, and you had decided to find the mythology behind it and bring that too. At first you were worried that you had been annoying him about it, that was until Renjun and Jisung let it slip that he was going back to the dorms and relaying the stories to the boys at every chance he got.

‘You know, I don’t think I’d change anything.’ Jeno spoke, breaking the silence. ‘We always speak about what we would change in our lives, or what we hope to change in the future, but, for the first time, I don’t think I’d change anything.’

‘Really? Not even my habit of taking long showers?’ You questioned, raising an eyebrow at him teasingly.

‘Stop it! I’m being serious.’ He whined, nudging you with his elbow. ‘I really don’t think there’s anything major that I would change. I really like things the way they are, and I hope they stay like this.’

You smiled up at the sky at his words, thinking about your own life and whether there was anything you would change.

‘I’d speak to my mum more.’ You admitted. ‘I miss her, a lot, yet every time I have the chance to speak to her, I chicken out. I don’t know if I’m nervous as to what she’s going to ask, or just convincing myself that it’s going to be a drastically long conversation, but... I want to speak to her more.’

‘Why don’t you go for a walk with her instead? That way you can stop at a cafe for a coffee and actually have a conversation.’ Jeno suggested. ‘You have a free morning next week.’

‘I’ll call her tomorrow, and set the date.’

You nodded towards the sky, sealing the promise. It always went like this. One of you would begin to talk, confess something that they wish they were doing differently, and the other would offer solutions. The only catch was, you had to try their suggestion.

‘Did you know that, due to the amount of light years it takes for the light of the stars to reach us, most of the stars that we’re seeing have already burnt out?’ Jeno changed the subject,

‘The sky’s like a graveyard.’

‘A graveyard of stars.’ You mumbled, not noticing the way Jeno turned his head to smile at you. ‘I think stars are brave, because they shine so brightly when everything around them is dark.’

You turned to look at Jeno, finding him already looking at you, trying to stop his smile from growing.

‘What?’ You complained and he looked back at the sky, letting a laugh escape him.

‘Nothing.’ He grinned. ‘You’re just cute.’

You smiled at him, rolling over so that you landed on his chest, his arm that was previously resting under his head coming down to hold your shoulder.

‘I think I’d like to be buried in the sky.’ You rambled, not thinking too much as to what you were saying. Jeno hummed to let you know he was listening as you continued. ‘Just to be up there, lighting the night sky... it would be nice to do that for eternity.’

‘You light up my sky.’ Jeno whispered into your hair, pulling you as close as he could as the two of you watched the night pass you by, closer to the stars than the two of you would ever know.

---

You laughed at what Jaemin said as your head came down to rest on Jeno’s shoulder. He noticed this and tilted his to place a soft peck on your forehead. You had been at the dorms pretty much all day, Jeno having called you as soon as he heard that their dance practice had been pushed back until tomorrow.

You had all just finished dinner and were currently sitting around the table idly chatting. Jeno’s arm came around your waist, pulling you even closer as you leaned into him. You sneaked a quick look at your watch, sighing when you realised what time it was.

‘I should probably go.’ You announced dejectedly, attempting to stand but Jeno immediately tightened his grip around you whining slightly into your shoulder.

‘Stay.’ He begged, drawing out the word.

‘I really wish I could, but you have practice early tomorrow and you need rest. Plus I have stuff to finish so I need a good night’s sleep too.’ You replied, still trying to crawl out of your boyfriend’s grip. ‘Jeno let go! You’re holding me like you’ll never see me again.’ You laughed, as the other three boys watched you struggle, making no attempt to help you whatsoever.

‘Fine.’ Jeno grumbled, loosening his grip around your waist.

You finally stood, grabbing your phone and making sure you had your car keys before turning back to Jeno who was sitting at the table pouting at you.

‘Nope, not gonna work.’ You stated, thankful that the lengthy time the two of you had been together had made you almost immune to his puppy dog eyes.

Renjun, Jaemin and Jisung took the moment to say a few quick goodbyes, and Jeno walked with you to the door.

‘Are you sure you can’t stay?’ He whispered, leaning down to give you a deep kiss.

‘You really had to go and make it even harder for me to leave, didn’t you?’ You murmured against his lips, as he nodded in reply.

You summoned every once of self control that you had and pulled back, ignoring the huff that escaped Jeno as you did. You reached up to stroke his cheek slightly.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow evening? I can stay over then?’ You offered and Jeno immediately smiled back at you.

‘Perfect.’ He muttered and leant back in to give you one final kiss.

He then stepped back and the two of you smiled at each other as you began to walk away.

---

You sat in your car, humming along to the song on the radio as you pulled up to a red light. You thought back to the night you had just had and couldn’t stop the smile from stretching across your face. You hadn’t seen the boys in a while so it had been really nice to spend the day with them, and seeing Jeno was always something that you loved.

You noticed the light turn green, and you moved forward. The song on the radio came to a stop, the next one playing soon after and you instantly recognised it as one of Jeno’s favourite songs. He had played it for you that morning. You leaned down to turn up the volume to listen to it, taking your eyes away from the road for a second too long. You weren’t paying attention to the truck that had just barrelled through the red light opposite you. You didn’t see it skid out of control, spinning towards your car at speed.

You just lifted your eyes back to the road when-

Crash.

---

Jeno got the call two hours later. He listened as the words crackled down the phone he held to his ear.

‘Hello?’ He answered, not recognising the number.

‘Is this Lee Jeno?’ The voice asked him without returning Jeno’s greeting.

‘Yes this is him.’ Jeno replied, standing up from the table he was sat at with Jaemin, Jisung and Renjun, instead choosing to move to the corner of the room for a bit of privacy.

‘Jeno, my name is Dr Park, I’m calling from Seoul Medical Centre. You are currently listed as the emergency contact for a y/n y/l/n.’

‘Yeah that’s my girlfriend, is everything okay?’ Jeno asked quietly, not noticing the confused looks the boys were sending each other behind his back. He ran a hand through his hair to calm himself as he could feel his nerves begin to rise.

‘I’m sorry to tell you that no, everything is not okay, Mr Lee. I regret to inform you that y/n y/l/n has been involved in a car accident just over an hour ago. Our team tried all they could but unfortunately it wasn’t enough. I’m so sorry Mr Lee, but on the way to the hospital, she passed away...’

The rest of the words faded into nothingness, the phone falling from his grip as he stared ahead, his entire body feeling numb. The three other boys in the kitchen stared at him in confusion, Jaemin quickly moved to grab Jeno by the arms, asking what happened, Jisung watched him in confusion while Renjun picked up his phone from the ground and asked the person on the other side what was going on. Renjun’s face paled as he heard the news, quickly thanking the doctor on the line before hanging up and turning towards the rest of the boys.

He swallowed, staring as Jeno’s catatonic figure before speaking, his voice trembling.

‘There- there was a car accident. A drunk driver hit y/n’s car. She... she didn’t make it.’

Jaemin and Jisung’s heads whipped towards Jeno, both of them staring at him with wide eyes, as if waiting for him to confirm the news.

‘Y/n...’ Jaemin began, only to be interrupted by Jeno’s voice.

‘She’s dead.’ He stated, his voice surprisingly firm. ‘She’s dead.’ He repeated, much softer this time. His eyes turned to his best friend. ‘Y/n? She’s dead? My... my y/n’s dead?’ Jaemin nodded slowly, watching as the tears began to fill Jeno’s eyes. His breath started to leave him as the realisation dawned on him and the news began to sink in.

You were dead. You were never coming back.

Jaemin moved forwards, wrapping Jeno up in the most secure hug he had ever felt in his life. It took him a second before he could even respond, wrapping his own arms around his friend. As each second ticked away, he could feel his grip tighten, the thoughts swimming around his head gradually drowning him.

‘I’m not...’

Jaemin shushed him, rubbing his back in an attempt to calm him. Jeno just gave up, pushing his head in Jaemin’s neck as he finally broke down. The cries tearing from him sounded painful, but it was nothing to the pain he was feeling in his chest. Jeno was in so much pain, it felt as though he could feel his heart physically splitting in half.

‘I’m not ready for this.’ He sobbed. And he wasn’t. Jeno had no idea how to live his life without you in it, and it wasn’t anything he wanted to know how to do. But now, that was about to become his new reality.

---

Your funeral was the hardest day of Jeno’s life.

If Jeno thought he had had difficult days before, he was wrong. Today, he had to bury the person he loved more than anything else in this world. He had to leave behind the woman he had hoped to be with forever. He had to admit that she was never coming back.

He had to say goodbye to you.

Getting into the suit he was wearing took three people. Both Jaemin and Renjun had to come in so that they could help him do his tie properly, put in the cufflinks and pull his jacket on. There were about five times while getting dressed Jeno just wanted to give up and go in sweats, but this was for you. When it got difficult, he just reminded himself, this was for you.

He had to greet your family, all of them in tears, reassuring him that you loved him so much as he hugged them. So many other people came up to him, crying and patting him and hugging him to show their sympathy.

He sat through the service feeling completely numb. The loving words from your family and friends sounded muffled, as if he was underwater, and Jeno just focused on trying not to break down.

‘Now we will hear from y/n’s boyfriend, Lee Jeno.’ Those words cut through his haze, grabbing his attention.

Jeno knew this was coming. Soon after your death your family had asked Jeno to give a eulogy, knowing it was what you would have wanted. He had been preparing for it for the past few days, but now, with the letter he had written to you in his hands, he wasn’t sure if he could do it. His hands began to shake as he forced himself to stand.

Do it for y/n.

Jeno whispered this to himself over and over like a prayer as he climbed to the lectern. He placed his speech on the stand in front of him and looked out to the crowd.

He saw your family, all of them drowning in tears, he saw some of your friends he recognised, but his eyes came to rest on the boys. The six other Dream members who had been allowed to come with him to the funeral. All of them gave him nods of encouragement, but Jeno couldn’t take his eyes off Hyuck.

Hyuck was clearly crying, the lights reflecting off the tear marks on his cheeks, yet he still gave a tight lipped smile and a nod, before pointing subtly up to the ceiling and placing his hand on his heart, conveying a message only Jeno could understand.

Do it for y/n.

Jeno bit his lip to stop himself from crying. He had written this for you and now he knew he had to say it. He had to say goodbye. He took a shaky breath and began to speak.

‘When I was asked to write a eulogy for y/n, I thought it would be easy. I would talk about how brilliant of a person that we all knew she was, how much good she brought into the world and, most of all, how much I loved her. But when I sat down to actually write it, to get the words down on paper, I didn’t know where to begin. How do you sum up her entire character, in a few words? The simple answer is, you can’t. All her achievements and all her challenges, no matter how big or small, shaped her into the person that we all know and love today. And we’re only here today, because she can’t be that person for us anymore. I don’t think I can stand in front of you and talk about y/n and how much I love her, simply because I don’t think I’ll be able to do that for more than a few seconds before I break down, so...’ Jeno took another deep breath, blinking back a few of the tears that were threatening to fall. ‘I’m going to talk about tradition. Tradition is defined as the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way. But I think it’s a lot more than that. Traditions aren’t always passed down through generations, sometimes they’re kept just within one lifetime, but that tradition is what makes that lifetime special. Traditions give you a routine that is personal to you, something that you do religiously because it means something to you, because you have a connection to it... because you love it. A tradition that y/n and I had, was to visit the place we met. Even before I was lucky enough to call her mine, we went there once a week just to spend time together. Even when we were together, we would head there at night, to watch the stars, and talk about life. The life we were living, the life we wanted to live, and the life we thought we would be living by now, and every week, we both came back with a different answer. I went with her once a week, and when she asked what life I was living and what I wanted to be living, I realised that they had one thing in common, and that was that they both had y/n in it. No matter where I was, or what I was doing, I knew I would do anything to have her by my side. Because she was my tradition, she was my life. But if I’ve learnt anything about life, it’s that you can’t choose how it’s lived. It chooses that for you, but I would give anything, and I mean anything, just to have told her that I loved her one last time, and that my future didn’t just include her... it was her. I will never forget you, y/n. Quite simply because, you’re not somebody that people forget. I love you, and I will love you for as long as I live. I swear on the stars.’

Jeno lowered his eyes away from the crowd, quickly folding up his paper as he stepped away from the stand. He walked back to his seat, the only sounds being his footsteps and the various cries echoing around from family members and friends. He sank back into his seat, his eyes and heart empty as he watched the service continue.

He didn’t cry. Not for the entire rest of the service. And when it ended, he stood, and made his way towards the exit, not waiting for any of the boys, not waiting for your family, he just left.

Once he got outside, he leant against the wall and looked at the sky. He couldn’t see the stars yet, the sun was still shining down on him, but Jeno still spoke to you, whispering a quiet message for the wind to carry to you, wherever you were.

‘I love you.’

It didn’t take long for everybody else to leave the building, the service being over. The coffin was carried carefully to the burial site, and Jeno stood to the side, watching as it was lowered in with care. Once it disappeared from sight, once you disappeared from sight for the final time, Jeno shut his eyes, finally allowing his tears to escape.

Your parents said a few final words, and everybody started to disperse. The entire part of the service after Jeno’s speech had gone like a flash to him, with him barely aware of what was going on, his body and mind numb from the pain he was recently so used to feeling.

The boys had been sitting further back than Jeno, and were making their way towards him when your family got there first. Your father reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it lightly. He gave Jeno a sad smile, one that he returned as your father’s eyes filled with tears.

‘She would have loved your speech Jeno.’

Jeno didn’t reply, because he didn’t trust himself to speak without completely breaking down. Your mother gently stroked some hair out of his face, cupping his cheeks gently and Jeno failed to hold it in. He couldn’t stop the few tears that slipped down his face, onto the fingers of your mother as she looked at him the same way you used to when he needed comfort.

‘She loved you, so much.’

Jeno nodded. ‘I know, I loved her too.’ He choked out quietly, accepting the hug that your mother pulled him in for and almost losing it at the words she whispered into his ears.

‘She used to say that you were the best thing that ever happened to her. And I will always be thankful that it was you she fell in love with.’

She pulled away, giving him one last smile before the two of them walked away from the daughter they had just buried.

Jeno turned around, only to be greeted with one of the boys.

‘The rest went to the car, they thought it would be best not to overwhelm you with questions at the minute.’ Hyuck spoke, Jeno nodding gratefully.

Hyuck stepped forward, knowing Jeno well enough to understand what he needed without it being said. He placed his hands on Jeno’s shoulders and pulled him in for a tight hug, one which could only be given by a brother. Jeno immediately wrapped his arms around his friend, burying his head into his shoulder and trying desperately to stop the silent tears that cascaded down his cheeks.

‘I’m not ready to let go.’ Jeno whispered, Hyuck replying after a second pause.

‘I know.’

---

Jeno barely left his room in the two weeks it had been since you had been buried. Yet he still visited you everyday. It was the only time he got out of bed. Otherwise he just lay there, only moving when the pillow got too wet from the constant tears that fell from his face. His parents had wanted to get him and bring him back home, but he refused. It was too far away from you, and he’d promised he would always be close to you, to protect you.

All of the dreamies had tried to help him, tried to get him to get up, to eat, to take a shower, but it was all in vain. They had all come in with food and pleas for him to just sit up, but he never replied. He didn’t have the energy to.

Jeno heard his door creak open and didn’t even bother to open his eyes to see who it was. It didn’t matter. He could hear hushed voices, before soft footsteps as whoever it was approached his bed.

His bed slightly dipped as they say on the end of it, gently moving some of his hair out of his face. Jeno flinched at the sudden contact, not expecting them to touch him and forced his eyes open to look at who it was.

He was greeted with Jaemin smiling sadly down at him. Jeno allowed his eyes to flicker to his clock, the red numbers spelling out 16:21, and all he did was sigh and let his eyes lose focus as he stared into space. It wasn’t like time meant anything to him anymore. Jaemin didn’t try to speak, instead placing the tray of food he was carrying down on Jeno’s bedside table, before reaching up and twisting the blinds slightly so that a crack of light filtered into his room.

Jeno stared at the dust particles he could see floating gently in the midday sun. They seemed so light, so free... Jeno had forgotten what that felt like without you. Eventually, Jeno spoke.

‘I’m not hungry.’ Jeno croaked out before shutting his eyes again, not even having the energy to roll over.

Jaemin sighed before taking a seat on his bed. He pulled the duvet down slightly from his friend’s face, trying to give him more room to breathe, but Jeno held onto it tightly.

‘Jeno... I-’ Jaemin began softly.

‘It’s okay, Jaemin, you don’t have to say anything. You also don’t have to know what to say, I don’t think anyone does.’ Jeno interrupted, stopping Jaemin in his tracks. Jaemin shut his eyes, taking a deep breath before continuing.

‘Yes I do, because this is killing you Jeno. And I’m really scared because... I don’t know how to bring you back.’ Jeno could feel the tears start to well up behind his closed eyes and screwed them shut even tighter. ‘I’m not going to remind you that it happened and life moves on, because that’s bullshit. I’m actually going to tell you to ignore the company.’

That caught Jeno’s attention, he opened his eyes and looked at Jaemin with a curious gaze.

‘What about the company?’ He asked, sitting up slightly as Jaemin shifted uncomfortably, making it clear he said something he shouldn’t have. ‘Jaemin, what about the company?’

‘They want you to come back to work.’ Jaemin confessed, making Jeno blink in surprise. ‘Since the fans didn’t know about your relationship, they are struggling to come up with excuses as to why you’ve disappeared for almost a month and... they want you to come back to work. I’m sorry Jeno.’

Jeno didn’t reply for a second, instead just bit his lip and nodded.

‘Why are you sorry?’ He asked. ‘It wasn’t your idea. You didn’t tell me to go back to work. You didn’t kill her.’ His lip began to tremble as he continued to speak. ‘You weren’t the one who let her leave that night.’

‘Jeno what are you saying?’ Jaemin asked, his voice no more than a whisper.

‘I shouldn’t have let her go.’ Jeno admitted, finally voicing the guilt that had been weighing him down since the accident. ‘I told her to stay, but when she insisted on going home, I let her. And that’s when it happened. I should have told her to stay with me, I should have fought harder.’

‘Jeno you didn’t know what would happen.’ Jaemin attempted to comfort his friend, his own voice breaking slightly as the tears began to well up in his eyes.

‘That doesn’t matter. I could have saved her if I had just told her to stay. And now, now I’ll never see her again.’ Jeno’s voice cracked as the tears began to fall again, steady tracing their familiar paths down his cheeks. ‘She’s never going to get to live her life, and now I’m expected to just move on and live mine, acting as though she didn’t get her’s ripped away from her. I could have made her happy and I just... I let her down.’

Jeno brought his hands up to his face, rubbing his eyes before he pulled at his hair, the quiet sobs shaking him. Jaemin stared at his friend for a few seconds before finally allowing a few tears of his own to escape.

Then he began to speak.

‘You’re right. She got her life ripped away from her, and she’s never going to live the rest of it. She’s never going to do the things she wanted to, visit the places she’d dreamed of or achieve goals she’d had for years. And maybe she didn’t get the “happy ever after” that the two of you always talked about, but she still got her happy ending. It wasn’t the one you were planning, it wasn’t the one that any of us were planning, and it definitely wasn’t the one that any of us wanted, but she still got one didn’t she?’ Jaemin could feel the emotion begin to take over him, and, despite how hard he could, he couldn’t stop himself from crying as he continued to talk. ‘She was surrounded by so many of us and her friends, and she was always smiling and laughing. She was finally enjoying her studies, no matter how difficult she sometimes found them. She lost herself in her passions, always finding a way to zone out while focusing on them. And most importantly, she was in love, and she was loved. I know how cruel it is that life was ripped away from her, just at the moment she finally began to really appreciate and enjoy it, but just because she was taken too soon doesn’t mean she wasn’t happy. Y/n was truly happy before she died, maybe the happiest she had ever been. Yes, her story has ended. There are no more chapters to read, no more pages to turn except the final one to close the book, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a happy ending for her.’

Any hope Jaemin or Jeno had had of not breaking down in tears was completely ruined by the time Jaemin had finished talking. Both of the boys were practically sobbing, heartbroken at having lost someone they had both deeply cared for.

Jeno sat up fully, reaching his arms out towards his best friend and Jaemin wasted no tie in meeting him. He hugged his friend tighter than he had ever hugged him before, holding onto him as if he would slip through his fingers like you did.

He sat like this for minutes, not having the strength in himself to let go and trust that Jaemin would return to him. Eventually though, he managed to pull away, taking multiple shaky breaths as he calmed himself. Jaemin kept a hand on his friend’s arm, a reminder that he was there.

Jeno opened his eyes and looked towards the food that Jaemin had placed on his bedside table. Instead of looking at the food however, a framed photo caught his eye.

It was a picture of you and Jeno, one that had been taken by one of the boys when the two of them were napping. You were lying half on top of him, one hand placed comfortably on his chest and your head was tucked into his neck. Jeno couldn’t see his left arm as the picture had only been taken of your upper bodies, but he knew it was holding your waist while his right arm was showing in the picture to be tightly wrapped around your shoulders.

Jaemin followed his friend’s gaze towards the photograph, biting his lip to stop the tears again. He watched as Jeno reached out and picked it up, his fingers gently caressing your sleeping face. A soft smile came across Jeno’s face, the first smile that Jaemin had seen on him since your death.

Jaemin reached out and grabbed the tray he had brought in with him. He placed it on Jeno’s lap telling him quietly to eat before he got up and walked towards the door, giving his friend some privacy.

Jeno kept looking at the photograph, staring down at the face of the one who he loved so much. He still loved you, losing you hadn’t diminished his feelings for you at all. And he knew that if you were here you would be heartbroken that he wasn’t taking care of himself.

So Jeno picked up his food, and took a bite.

---

Jeno headed back to work a couple of days after his conversation with Jaemin. He started with dance practice, getting back into the routine of dancing for multiple hours a day with few breaks. He was getting back into it, reminding himself of what it used to be like and also finding it to be a distraction.

He had missed the way he used to lose himself in his dancing, allowing the music to take over his body and just to move to it as he felt best. It wasn’t quite the same as before, it felt as though something was missing, but it was better than nothing.

The boys didn’t have a comeback planned just yet, although they were being assured that something was in the works. Instead, they were performing at an event, therefore needed to be at the top of their game. It would be the first time the fans had seen Jeno in a month.

The company and boys had collectively agreed to not mention where Jeno was, their goal was just to avoid the topic entirely and hope that fans would just be happy that he was back. If they really needed to address it, they had warned Jeno that they would simply say he had a personal matter to attend to that involved him losing someone close to him and would ask for their respect on his privacy about the matter.

The boys were taking a quick break for lunch, Jaemin and Chenle had lost rock paper scissors so they were out buying food, Mark, Renjun and Jisung were filling up water bottles and Hyuck had gone to the bathroom so Jeno was alone in the practice room.

He sat with his back against the wall, the fan directed at his face as he took a sip from his water bottle and tried to cool down. He thought back to the time before everything happened, and how he would always pull out his phone to check something or would be doing other things during their breaks, but now he was content with just looking at the wall on the other side of the practice room.

He heard the squeak of the door and looked to see who was entering, expecting it to be one of the dreamies, so he was surprised when he saw Doyoung enter.

Doyoung smiled at Jeno as he entered, receiving a nod back from the younger boy. He walked forwards and Jeno stood up to hug his older member. Doyoung held onto him tightly, not saying anything as he didn’t want to upset Jeno.

When he pulled away he saw that Jeno wasn’t crying, nor were his eyes watering. Jeno gave him a small smile that barely reached his eyes and Doyoung patted his head.

It was the first time Jeno had seen Doyoung in a while, the 127 members having been told to give him space rather than smother him with questions and reassurance.

‘How are you feeling?’ Doyoung asked, his voice as gentle as everyone else’s was when they talked to him, as if their voice could break him if it was too loud.

Jeno took a deep breath, before shrugging and giving an honest reply.

‘I haven’t felt anything in a really long time.’

---

Sobs tore from the broken boy’s lips. Jeno had always been so happy, so full of life, people used to smile just by looking at him. Now all he got were sympathetic glances and hushed whispers behind his back. He was losing weight, he was losing sleep, but most of all, he was losing himself. The sunshine personality that seemed to previously define him no longer existed. None of his older brothers realised how much Jeno had relied on you to be happy, and now that you weren’t around anymore, it was becoming clear how much he needed you to function. The darkness residing inside of the boy no longer had your light to drive it away. Every manipulative word, every poisonous ‘what if’ every single other possible way that night could have gone ran through his head. And no one knew how to save him.

Jeno lifted his eyes, staring at your name carved eternally in stone in front of him. He came here every day without fail. Always bringing with him a story, or a love letter or a confession, anything so that he could talk to you the way he used to. And he made sure that he never said the same thing twice. Today, Jeno convinced himself to say the one thing he had been putting off, for the sake of his own sanity. But now, he realised that sanity was overrated, and maybe if he hadn’t put things off, if he hadn’t constantly pushed them to the side, he wouldn’t be in this situation. So he sucked up his pride, and spoke, choking through his words as his voice trembled and broke with emotion.

‘You told me to listen to a certain song, or watch this film, and I always said I’d do it later. Well, it’s later now, and I’m listening and I’m watching, but you’re not here for me to tell you how I felt about them. Why is it that I could only be bothered to listen to your recommendations after you’re gone? Why couldn’t I care enough before you died?’

He leaned down, resting his forehead on the cool stone that held the last memory of his soulmate, choking out one final whisper.

‘You said you’d grow old with me...’

---

‘Did you know it’s possible to die from a broken heart? Extreme emotional trauma can cause tears in the heart that lead to muscle failure which can eventually lead to death. It’s called broken heart syndrome.’ Jeno spoke quietly, his raspy voice cutting straight through to Renjun’s soul. ‘They say it feels similar to a heart attack, that’s why it’s dangerously misdiagnosed.’ He let out a shaky breath, turning his eyes towards the sky. He focused on the stars, the bright dots that got gradually more blurry due to the tears gathering in his eyes. ‘I always heard the phrase “my heart aches” but I had no idea that it was actually possible to really feel pain in your heart.’

He turned his eyes away from the endless night sky and looked at his friend, who was also sitting on the roof and watching him talk with tears of his own in his eyes. Renjun bit his lip as Jeno continued to talk.

‘But now... now I know. I know just how painful it can be.’ Jeno’s voice broke as Renjun choked back a sob of his own, hugging his knees into his chest and burying his head into his arms.

‘It’s not fair.’ Renjun’s muffled voice spoke out as he tried to pull himself closer to provide some sort of comfort. ‘She didn’t deserve this.’

Jeno shook his head, the tears that were falling felt all too familiar.

‘No she didn’t... she was a star.’ He readjusted his gaze so that he was studying the sky again. ‘My star.’ He whispered. ‘She loved to stargaze. Even though the endless concept of space scared her slightly, she loved seeing something bright shine fearlessly through the darkness. She said they were brave... to be themselves when everything around them is something different and that’s why stars shine the way they do. I always silently hoped that she knew that that was what she was to me. A star in the darkness, lighting the way when I couldn’t see anything. One like the north star, always there, never burning out and guiding people whenever they need it. I never told her... Why didn’t I tell her? Renjun, why didn��t I tell her?’ His voice was no more than a whisper now, one almost lost amongst the night.

‘I don’t know Jeno.’ Renjun admitted back, his voice just as quiet.

‘Well it doesn’t matter now does it? All that matters is, I could’ve told her how much she meant, how important she was, and I didn’t. And now... now I never can.’

Renjun pulled his legs away from his chest, laying them flat on the concrete beneath him and reached his arms out for Jeno. The taller male wasted no time in curling up into his friend, pulling himself into a ball as he let himself cry.

Renjun simply stroked his hair, feeling helpless as to how he could help. Right now the only person Jeno needed was you, and you were never coming back. What scared Renjun the most was that he knew your death was permanent, but there was no telling as to how permanently it had broken Jeno.

‘She’s watching over you, Jeno.’ Renjun reassured his friend, trying as best he could to calm the crying boy down. ‘She’s one of those stars up there, looking down on you now and telling you that you can do it. She may not be next to you anymore, but she’s always going to be here. She may have died, but her memory won’t, because you won’t let it.’ Jeno’s breaths gradually got steadier as he listened to Renjun’s comforting words. ‘Do you know which star I think she is?’ Renjun asked and Jeno nodded slowly as he turned his eyes to the sky. ‘That one... because it’s the brightest.’

Jeno followed Renjun’s finger to spot the star he was pointing to, and he wasn’t wrong, it was without a doubt, the brightest one in the sky. Jeno smiled sadly, nodding in agreement.

‘That’s my girl...’ Jeno whispered to himself, unable to take his eyes off the star Renjun had dedicated to you. Right then and there Jeno suddenly realised that he knew something for certain. You would always be with him, no matter where he went. And that as long as he had you, he would be okay.

---

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting, it just means letting go. You were never going to grow old, never going to go stargazing with him again, never going to have discussions about the meaning of life at 2am, never going to play with your kids on the playground, never going to kiss his cheek and stroke his hair while telling him to breathe. And it isn’t supposed to be okay, but in the end, it has to be. Life doesn’t wait for you to come to terms with it, it moves on, even when you aren’t ready for it or it isn’t fair.

Jeno is trying. He’s trying to think less about everything you missed out on, and more about everything that he got to experience with you. He likes to think about how you made a point of going to the same frozen yogurt place on your way to visit him at work, just so that you could try every flavour there, even though you already had your favourite. Or about the way you tried to learn a new constellation for each time the two of you went stargazing just so that you could teach it to him. And he fondly remembers your dedication to laughing at every single one of jokes, even the ones he knew weren’t funny. And he can never help but smile when he remembers the feeling of coming back into your apartment after a long day, and immediately being pulled into dance to whatever music you were playing while you made dinner, and how it was as if all the stress of the day melted off him.

Jeno now knows that you were right. Nothing ever really does end. Not a story, not a relationship, not a life. Even though your story may have come to it’s finish, it still lives on. Your heart may have stopped, but you are still living in the lives of those who you touched. Jeno sees you in everybody. He sees you in Jisung’s hopeful nature, the way he always tries to see the good in situations that otherwise seem dire. He sees you in Donghyuck’s ability to lift his spirits, even when he hasn’t smiled in days. He sees you in Chenle’s honesty, how he can always rely on Chenle to give him the truth when he asks for it. He sees you in Renjun’s inquisitive nature, the way he always wants to know more about the world and the universe, or in the way he always points out the brightest star in the sky. Just like you used to. He sees you in Mark’s reliability, the way that, no matter how stressed out he was feeling or how busy he was, when Jeno needed him, Mark was there. And Jeno sees you in Jaemin. He knows that you connected with Jaemin more than Jaemin had ever admitted, and Jeno also knows that losing you hurt a lot more than his friend had let on. He sees you in Jaemin’s attempts to keep himself together, because he knew that Jeno needed him. He sees you in Jaemin’s habit of bringing him a meal on the nights he knew that he hadn’t eaten. He sees you in Jaemin’s determination and drive to continue with what he was passionate about no matter the challenges it proposed. And he sees you in his smile. In the pure, unedited happiness that always radiated off his best friend when he smiled.

Jeno can’t help but see you everywhere he goes. He sees you in the snow gently falling to the ground, remembering how you would always insist on going outside when it started snowing, no matter what time of day it was. He sees you in the rain splashing on the pavement outside the dorm, remembering how you loved to curl up on his chest with a book, always liking the window slightly open because the smell and sound of rain comforted you. But most of all, more than anything, he sees you in the sun. The golden beams that warm his cold being, gently caressing his limbs remind him of how you would gently rub your hands over his aching muscles. The way that everything revolves around the sun, the way that without it, the world would be dark and empty, reminds him of the importance you had. How much you meant to him.

Jeno will never forget you. He told you this when you were alive, he’s said it to the boys, he repeated it at your funeral and he’s told it to your grave multiple times since then. But he doesn’t need to say it anymore, because you’ll never leave him. And that’s not because you touched everyone around you, but because you touched him. You had such a massive impact on his life that Jeno knows he will never be the same. He wouldn’t be able to forget you even if he tried.

Jeno’s learnt a lot over the past few months. He’s learnt that death didn’t happen to you. It happened to everyone around you. It happened to everyone who you left behind, everyone left standing at your funeral wondering how they’re going to live the rest of their lives without you in it. He’s learnt that, sometimes life throws you curveballs, sometimes it makes you live a reality you would do anything to avoid, but he’s also learnt that it doesn’t give you a choice. Most importantly, however, he’s learnt that he doesn’t owe it to you, to himself, to the sun, or even the stars to grieve forever.

Because letting go of you is the hardest thing that Jeno has ever had to do.

And it took him a long time, but eventually, finally, Jeno learned, sometimes letting go, hurts less than holding on.

‘Sleep well, my love. You’ve earned it.’

315 notes · View notes

lettrespromises · 4 years

Text

la querelle des coeurs. - kuroo, atsumu, daichi.

@luveranime sent a letter : ❝ Me again lmao 😂 could you do one where kuroo, atsumu and daichi’s s/o has a ex best friend and they try to take their bf away from their s/o but then their s/o like angrily lashes out? Then like a cute fluffy ending :) ❞

author’s letter : ❝ aaaaa, it’s always pleasure to see you in my inbox!! thank you so much for trusting me with all your prompts, it means the world. ooooh, i love myself some angst to fluff especially with kuroo. i hope you’ll enjoy your promised letter!

sealed with a kiss. sincerely yours, nikki. ❞

genre : kinda fluff, kinda angst. warnings : cursing, toxic friendship.

Now, now, now, Kuroo like the gorgeous scorpio he is has some kind of sixth sense when it comes to lies, basically, you could consider him as a human lie detector. This talent of his extends to being able to discern people’s true nature- given that he is someone who doesn’t trust people easily, he’s even more careful around people he doesn’t deem as trustworthy.

Truth be told, he doesn’t come as a surprise to him when you tell him that you had a succession of arguments with your best friend, to the point where you felt obligated to cut ties with them.

You can tell from miles away that the sentence “I don’t want to say I told you so, but I told you so, kitten.” is burning the tip of his tongue, begging him to be set free so he could rub his pseudo sixth sense in your face.

From now on, Kuroo morphs into ‘super protective mode’, he just wants to protect you from any emotional harm, he knows how vicious your former best friend is, after all, he always knew.

He will walk with you everywhere, cradle you into his embrace if you feel the need to shed a couple of tears- he picks up the shattered pieces of your broken self and glues them one by one and seals them with a kiss or a heartfelt compliment.

After several days, Kuroo’s efforts and dedication to make you feel better finally sets in. Your introspection sunk in and you feel the aftereffects bloom- you feel fearless, powerful, and you came to agree with yourself on stating that you are indeed better off alone.

The plot twists in the hallways of your school- your arm is wrapped around Kuroo’s, just the way you like it. His orbs never leave you frame and anyone could tell how the gleam in his eyes reflect his love and adoration for you.

Needless to say, his favorite time of the day was when he could have lunch with you and listen to your ramblings while observing your divine traits. However, being academically smart doesn’t prevent him from being a airhead at times : “Kitten, I totally forgot to grab myself something to drink. Will you wait for me at our spot? I’ll be quick.” “You already know where to find me then, Tetsu.”

And with that, he leaves you in the middle of the hall (but not before planting a peck on your forehead.) On his way to the vending machine, he sees none other than your former best-friend, body leaning onto said vending machine, as if they were waiting for him to come out after witnessing your discussion.

The plain expression plastered upon Kuroo’s facial expression speaks louder than a thousand words revolving around the lexical field of anger. Nonetheless, he tells himself that if he ignores them, then there will be no harm done, unless...

“Hey there, Kuroo. I knew you’d miss me! Don’t worry, baby, I missed you just as much.”

The person you once called your best friend orientates their body in a strategic way so they’re closer to Kuroo, their whole body facing him. Of course, he didn’t miss the poor attempts to get him to pay attention to them. Their whole body language screamed ‘acknowledge me.’

Kuroo remained stoic and pushed the coins inside the vending machine instead. This lack of attention only emphasized their anger and in return, their level of patience diminished gradually. But they had another ace hidden in their sleeve, and this time, attitude matched their actions- your former best friend grabbed the hem of Kuroo’s collar while their other hand was planted at the back of his neck to force him to look on what they deemed as the only important person here.

“Kuroo, baby, I’m so glad you came to see me, because let’s face it : you’re only here because you know you’d see me here. Have you finally realized that Y/N was not good enough for you? You want a real significant other, don’t you?”

If hearing the sound of their voice was disgusting enough, imagine how filthy Kuroo felt when he sensed a foreign body throw themselves on him- his skin was burning under the poisoning touch of your former best friend.

Now, now. The ‘you’ topic was quite the sensitive one to Kuroo, given that he would and could put anyone in their place if he happened to hear a ill word about you. “I’m going to say this once : don’t play a game you can’t win so don’t say another thing about Y/N.”

Oh, but would this stop them? Absolutely not. Their hand travelled from the back of their neck to the muscular reliefs on his chest, an area only you had the luxury you to touch and worship. “Don’t be like that, Kuroo. I know I can touch you, love you and at least I won’t fake it like Y/N does.” they concluded their sentence with a wink sent his way and Kuroo could already feel the taste of vomit invading his tastebud.

In one sharp motion, he grabbed their wrist and yanked himself free of their intoxicating clutch. Just his luck, he thought, while your former best friend cursed silently under their breath as they saw you arrive.

“Tetsu, are you okay? What’s taking you so long?”

Oh and here it was, the pure grin which radiated nothing but pure mischief- your presence signed the end and what a beautiful ending it was for him. “Maybe you should ask them, kitten. They were rambling about how I should date them instead of you. Can you believe that bullshit?”

Your eyes darted onto a familiar frame, but just by glancing at them, you felt all the inner rage overwhelm you, including all the pain you had to go through. It was like facing your own nightmare, but you’ve never been alone to fight your battles- Kuroo has always been there by your side.

“You said what now?”

Your stare emanated nothing but pure and intense rage, your whole body language testified of your inner envy to make them choke on their own words.

“I said-...”

“If you think for a single second I’m going to let you talk, you’re dead wrong. You’ve been feeding me enough lies during all this time we were ‘friends’, and now, you’re throwing yourself on my man? You really have nothing for you, do you now? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go grab lunch with my boyfriend. I’m not sure you’ve ever heard of him but his name is Kuroo Testurou, you know, the man you’ll never get?”

Kuroo couldn’t help but to let a snicker break free from his lips, this scene was wonderful to watch. An immense wave of pride washed over him, and it struck him again, he realized for the umpteenth time how lucky he was to share his life with you.

He wrapped his arm around your waist, tugging you close to his side and delivered a peck full of love upon the flesh of your cheek. “I didn’t know you had all of this hidden in you, kitten. Not gonna lie, it’s kinda hot.”

You playfully rolled your eyes and punched his arm as his words connected with your eardrums, “You’re so lucky I love you.”

“Don’t get it twisted, kitten, I’m lucky one here.”

“Are not.”

“Are too.”

“Are not.”

It’s safe to say that Atsumu does have a reputation that follows him around, he his the local heartthrob of his school and he secretly takes pride in that. But nothing fills his heart with pride more than being able to call you his.

Being Atsumu’s girlfriend, you are indirectly exposed to threats, insults and other acerbic remarks coming from his fangirls. Sometimes these attacks are direct like dirty talks behind your back when you’re holding his hand in the middle of the halls, and other times, it’s more subtle and the perfect example of that is how the person you used to call your best friend took advantage of your relationship status to get closer to Atsumu.

They made it clear and had no shame hiding behind their shameful shenanigans, “Did you really think I was talking to you for your personality? Get real, Y/N, I don’t care about you. I only care about your man.”

These subtle shenanigans hurt the most because they were the most vicious and purposefully hurtful, and the worst part was that they had somehow managed to become friends with Atsumu. Emphasis on the word ‘somehow.’

As per usual after school, both you and Atsumu could be found at the gym, and oh boy, did he love being able to see you everyday- not only at school but also at the gym as you were the manager of the volleyball team.

However, this time, you had quite the surprise when you entered the gym. Kita had asked all the players to gather up as he explained them the new change amongst the team : “Considering that the nationals are around the corner, the coach and I stated that it was necessary for us to hire a new manager in order for Y/N not to feel overwhelmed. Please welcome your new manager and take good care of them.”

As his words echoed in the gymnasium, you felt your stomach sink to your heels, your mouth was set agape under the overwhelming feeling of pure disgust. Not them, out of all people. Hell, even Atsumu’s worst fangirl sounded like a better idea right now.

Of course you couldn’t blame Kita for choosing your former best friend as the new manager, but the glance Atsumu threw your way testified of how much he knew this situation was going to eat you up alive.

After the captain dismissed everyone, Atsumu wasted no time and ran up to you, he felt the need to reassure you and make you feel at ease despite the venomous presence of your former best friend.

“Cheer up, baby, ya’ know I’m here, right? This pig isn’t gonna’ get a piece of me. Now, be a doll and gimme’ a kiss.”

Classic Atsumu right here, but who were you to deny such a sweet request? So you did as told, and planted a kiss on his plump lips. And that’s when you could pinpoint the precise moment when your former best friend had fallen right into Atsumu’s trap.

“As your new manager, I have to say that it’s not very professional to kiss your significant other on the court. But, I mean, what else did I expect coming from Y/N?”

Your boyfriend’s arm was protectively wrapped around your waist, tugging you closer. The root of each of his action was to protect you from the incoherent and toxic words dropping from their lips. But deep down, he knew better than to mess with you, especially when the whole team was looking at you.

“Oh, I’m sorry! Did you mean do this?”

There you went again, planting yet another kiss upon Atsumu’s lips who couldn’t help but grin at the taunting nature of your actions. Once you broke the kiss, you could feel the hot breaths of your boyfriend crashing upon your skin “That’s my girl.”

Your former best friend looked around in despair, her eyes scanned the room to seek for help, to back up her actions. Osamu let a small laugh fall free from his lips, Suna rolled his eyes so hard you thought they were going to get stuck at the back of his head, and Kita, out of all people, let out a desperate sigh. “As the captain of the team, I must inform you that it is my duty to let you know that you cannot dictate your way here, and you cannot display a clear lack of respect to Y/N.”

This time, it was their time to be dumbfounded and left in the middle of the gymnasium with their mouth set agape in pure surprise. The silence, although it was broken by a few playful laughs, was agonizing to them.

“C’mon, new manager, tell ‘em why ya’ chose to come here.” Atsumu taunted, the smirk plastered upon his face as wide as ever, but he only found silence as an answer.

“Are you sure you don’t want to tell the rest of the team? Alright then. Maybe you should tell them how you only joined our team to flirt with Atsumu knowing very well that we’re dating, what kind of person that makes you, mh?” Each word pronounced was embedded with venom of your own, and deep down, exposing the true nature of your former best friend brought some sense of satisfaction. And thus you began reading out loud each text they had sent you, justifying their one-sided reason to join the team, only to flirt with Atsumu.

“Yeah, ya’ ain’t slick! Sorry to break it to ya’ but I ain’t into snakes.” Atsumu continued, sticking his tongue out before the still dumbfounded personification of a snake.

Pure embarrassment consumed them, the more they were staying amongst the deafening silence of their sour loss, the more they felt vulnerable and the more they realized they lost their own game. The stares of the whole team became agonizing, so agonizing that they felt obligated to leave the gym, head hung low in defeat.

“Byeee! Ya’ won’t be missed!” Your boyfriend concluded his sentence by imitating the hissing sounds of snakes, and you wondered why you were dating a man-child. Nonetheless, knowing very well he couldn’t get his hands off of you and craved for a physical touch at all times, he pressed his lips against yours once more. “I ain’t into snakes but ya’ could s-s-s-s-slide your way into my heart, baby.” and with that, Osamu hit the back of his twin’s head with a volleyball.

Maybe he deserved that.

Being the unofficial dad of the Karasuno volleyball team came with its perks, one of them was the ability to be able to discern if the people you were hanging with genuinely cared about you or not, you liked to joke around and call this his “secret dad weapon.”

Much like Kuroo, he was not one bit surprised when you told him that you had to put your friendship to an end with your former best friend. Of course, he was not angry, but in typical dad fashion, he adorned the oh so famous disappointed dad expression on his facial structure.

He told you not to overthink it, and to focus on the other friendly presences in your life such as the volleyball team or Kiyoko and Yachi, mainly because he knew he could trust them with his eyes closed, but also because he knew he would be able to make them pay if they were to hurt you.

When you started dating Daichi, you grew the habit to join him outside the gymnasium after his training, a bottle of water in your hand in case he overworked himself, which he always did.

This time, and much to your surprise, you found a note near the doorframe leading to the gymnasium. And if you were careful enough, the slight details and the precise calligraphy hinted that said note was in fact a love note.

You found it rather amusing at first, perhaps it was a letter dedicated to Kiyoko because this woman was the living and breathing proof that God was indeed a woman.

But everyday, you would find yet another letter, still carefully written and decorated leaning against the doorframe. This time, however, a calligraphic ‘D.S’ framed the front of the letter. You couldn’t help but let your stare roam over the fine print of calligraphy over and over again.

As the saying goes ‘curiosity killed the cat’, and you were no exception to that common phrase. You meticulously took the letter and unfolded it- it was so beautifully written, the details were placed strategically. It was a proof of pure love in the form of a letter.

Then, you began reading it : “Dear Daichi, Words cannot do justice of how much I love you. Everything about you fascinates me- from the way you spike the ball so roughly to the small smile on your face after scoring a point. If only I could tell you how much you mean to me. Don’t worry, Y/N won’t know a thing. Come to the gymnasium tomorrow at 5 if you wish, until then, accept all my love.”

You read the letter once, then twice, then an umpteenth time until the words were embedded in your brain. You thought it was just a prank, after all, Nishinoya and Tanaka were quite the pranksters amongst the team, but the handwriting was so delicate, too delicate to be theirs.

You could feel salty pearls coming at the brim of your eyes until they fell onto the surface of the paper, resulting in the texture of the letter now being bloated under the wetness of your tears.

You kept your discovery under silence, you trusted your boyfriend of course, but given the additional stress brought by the nationals, you refused to distract him from his goal.

But here you were, sharply there in front of the gym at five as indicated on the letter. However, Daichi hadn’t shown up like the anonymous lover requested, he was already stretching anyway.

Knots started to form in your stomach as you wondered who the hell had the idea to write this love letter to him, after all, it’s not as if your relationship with Daichi was kept as a secret.

And at 5:01 precisely, your orbs felt on the figure of your former best friend who had the most victorious grin plastered upon their face. Not only these letters were meant to be read by Daichi, but by you too, their main goal was to hurt you where it stung the most.

“What the hell are you doing here? Where you the one who wrote these letters?” You spat, waving the letters between your thumb and forefinger.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I know you love to make everything about yourself but I was expecting Daichi, not you.” Although they said they were sorry, there was not one ounce of genuine compassion in their voice.

Anger got the best of you resulting in the sudden apparition of veins on your neck as the volume of your voice only increased : “Who the fuck do you think you are? Are you that desperate? If you want a reply to your letter : Daichi doesn’t even know who you are.”

Your emotions controlled each one of your actions, including the severe tone of your voice. The ruckus made its way inside the walls of the gymnasium, until Daichi and Sugawara opened the door in order to find an answer as their interrogation : what was happening outside?

Daichi’s eyes widened when he saw your frame shaking from anger, it was so unlike you, you matched him in a way because you were always so calm and collected. His mind raced as he wondered what was the cause of this sudden switch of behavior.

He found the answer to his question pretty rapidly as his eyes darted towards your former best friend who was still wearing that victorious grin on their facial structure. “Y/N, love, what’s going on?” he asked as his hands were draped over your shoulders, forcing you to look at him.

“Oh, hey, Daichi! Have you read the letters I left for you? I bet Y/N never wrote this kind of letters for you.” It took inhuman strength for Daichi to ignore their taunt, instead, Sugawara sent a death glare their way : “Just leave, you have no business being here.”

Sugawara’s attempt at making them leave eventually succeeded after Coach Ukai’s sudden appearance before barking on your former best friend to “get the hell out of here” and “not disturb training anymore.”

Eventually, you were left alone with Daichi, your lungs felt constricted and you struggled to breathe. The aftermath of your outburst of anger made tears run down your cheeks as you sought for comfort inside of Daichi’s loving embrace.

The pad of his thumb brushed your tears away, planting a series of kisses upon the surface of your forehead as a silent way to tell you that he was here and he was not going to let you go.

“Listen, love, I don’t know what happened and we will talk about it whenever you feel ready. But promise me one thing, never doubt of my love for you. Could you do that for me, Y/N?”

You simply nodded against his chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat kept the haunting thoughts in your head at bay. “I love you so much, Y/N, so, so much.” he whispered, concluding his sentence with a kiss left on your lips.

If only he knew how much you loved him.

299 notes · View notes

kutemouse · 4 years

Text

First Time with Taehyung

Disclaimer: The above gif was made and/or edited by me, kutemouse. That is why I’ve posted this under the tag #btsgif. It’s from one of Taehyung’s live streams. Feel free to use it however you want, just give me credit for the edit. Thanks 💜

Age Recommendation: 18+ (Please follow this, I’m begging you 🥺)

Warnings: Smut C; swears, fluffy relationship-y stuff, Taehyung being a total sweetheart, oral (f receiving), red lingerie, nicknames, slightly dom Tae.

Word Count: 2,185

Summary: It’s your one-month anniversary with your boyfriend Taehyung, and he has a spicy end-of-the-night surprise for you.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

I pulled out my phone and dialed my boyfriend’s number. My boyfriend. I would never get used to the euphoric feeling that exploded in my gut every time I thought that.

“Where are you?” his voice said.

“Thirty seconds away, I swear. I took too long to get ready.”

He chuckled. “Jagiya, you didn’t need to doll up just for me. You always look beautiful.”

Warmth spread all the way down to my fingertips at his words despite the chilly weather. “Well you always look handsome,” I retorted, spotting the top of his head above the crowd. “But it looks like you dressed up, too.”

And indeed he had. Taehyung looked absolutely scrumptious in a long dark coat, dark jeans, black Doc Martens, and a plaid beige over-sized scarf he had wrapped around his face. His breath was creating condensation on the round glasses he’d decided to sport today. So cute.

I tackled him from behind in a hug, and he laughed, hugging me eagerly back. “Finally!” he teased. He held me back at arm’s length, then reached inside his coat and pulled out a red rose.

My mouth parted in surprise at the unexpected gift. “For you,” Tae said, smiling. I blushed and took it, bringing it to my nose and inhaling its scent.

We ducked our heads against the wind and went inside the restaurant where we were immediately seated at our reserved table. The restaurant was amazing, with sparkling crystal glasses, white tablecloths, and a gorgeous chandelier setting a romantic mood. We shrugged off our coats, and I took a moment to appreciate the beige sweater he wore which showed off his body in all the right places. I caught him looking at me just as appreciatively and blushed. I still couldn’t believe he was my boyfriend. We’d done nothing but go on dates and hang out with each other outside of work and school for the past month, and Taehyung told me just how much he cared about me every single day, yet I still felt like this relationship was too good to be true. Soyeon was right. I really had to stop self-sabotaging.

He pulled out my chair for me and gestured. I shyly sat down, scooting the chair inwards with his help, then he sat down across from me. “Don’t worry about the cost,” Tae said. “Order whatever you want.”

I glanced at the menu, suddenly uneasy at how pricey everything was. I knew Taehyung wasn’t hurting for money. He told me his older brother owned a large business, and between that and Tae successfully selling a lot of his photos, I knew he was pretty well off. Apparently my boyfriend didn’t have any other family outside of his brother. I asked him once where his parents were and he simply shrugged and said, “Dead.”

I didn’t press him for details, but instead chose to share something personal about me so he wouldn’t feel so pressured. “My parents aren’t around either,” I murmured. “My dad passed away when I was little, and my mom is in a psych ward right now.”

He looked up at me suddenly, chocolate-brown eyes boring into mine. “I’m so sorry.”

That was the moment I knew I was falling hard for him. Taehyung didn’t ask why she was in a psych ward or look at me with raised eyebrows. He simply empathized. That’s what I needed. Someone who would see all the dark parts of me and not see a monster, but the human I was.

Taehyung ordered a bottle of wine for us, and we clinked glasses before taking a sip. “To us,” he said. “And our first month together. May there be many more.”

I bit my lip, biting back a huge smile. How the hell was he mine?

Dinner was absolutely amazing. He never took his eyes off me, and at one point I was laughing so hard, people were starting to look at us. Finally, we finished eating and the waiter cleared our plates away. “Any dessert for the lovely couple?” the guy asked, taking out his notepad.

“Not tonight,” Taehyung said before I could get a word in. “Just the check, please.”

The waiter bowed, and I looked at Tae in disbelief. “You know, that dessert menu was calling my name,” I teased before pouting. “And besides, aren’t we celebrating?”

My boyfriend leaned over the table, a glint in his brown eyes I’d never seen before. It spelled trouble. “Oh you’ll get dessert tonight, kitten, don’t you worry about that,” he said, a mischievous smirk tugging at one corner of his mouth. “It’s waiting for you at my apartment.”

My mouth dropped open. Kitten? Was tonight the night? I kind of hoped it would be. Our makeout sessions were getting hotter and heavier, and my sexual frustration was like an ocean built up behind a weakening dam, ready to burst at any given moment.

These days, every time I spent time with Taehyung, I’d made sure to keep myself well-groomed and secretly wear matching sets of underwear just in case. I hoped he’d like the red lacey ensemble I’d chosen for tonight.

We paid the bill and left in a hurry, his large hand keeping mine warm as we trudged through the streets. His hand snaked from my hand to around my waist, tugging me close. He tilted his head down towards mine, and we kissed, our cold lips warming as we sighed into each others’ mouths.

A block later, he couldn’t hold back anymore, leading us down an alley where he crashed his rosy lips against mine, feverishly shoving his tongue into my cavern and tasting me. I held him close, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist and he groaned, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. I felt moisture gathering in my panties, the way he was making me feel turning me on even more. After a time, Taehyung released me, his lips swollen and red, his pupils blown beautifully wide. “My place is only two blocks away,” he panted. “Let’s run.”

We jogged, giggling like a pair of kids, all the way to his apartment, and he hurriedly punched in the pin that would let us into the building and dragged me inside. He pushed me against the wall and kissed me once more, one hand tightly wrapped around my waist, the other tugging on the back of my neck so we could be as close as possible.

“Taehyung,” I murmured as he peppered kisses down my neck. “We’re still in the hallway. Let’s go inside.”

He didn’t stop, sucking gently on the skin of my neck. I suddenly got flashbacks to my feedings with Jimin and pushed Taehyung back roughly.

There were no fangs, no red eyes. Just him. Just my sweet, warm Tae. “You okay?” he asked. I slowly nodded.

“Hnnggnh,” he groaned, pressing the lower half of his face into my shoulder. “I need you, kitten. I need you now.”

I had no idea where this ‘kitten’ nickname came from, but I was living for it. “You can have all of me,” I breathed into his ear. “Just not in public.”

He pressed his forehead against mine, eyes locking mine in. “Deal.”

We stumbled towards his apartment and he fumbled with his keys, swearing at how long it took to get them in the lock and open the door. We practically fell inside, wrapped in each other's arms. Taehyung slammed the door behind us and we collapsed on the couch, lips intertwined, hands roaming everywhere. He helped me take off my coat then let his hands cheekily slide up my thighs underneath my dress, pulling it up until my panties were exposed and his large hands rested on either side of my bare hips.

He hummed in appreciation of my lingerie, his gaze roaming down my heaving tummy towards my core. He sat me up and knelt on the floor in front of me, raising the dress above my head until he slid it off my arms and tossed it aside. He also slid off each of my stockings, unpinning them from the garters attaching them to my bottoms.

“You know,” he said, his deep voice sultry and low. “I really loved that dress on you. It showed off your body in all the right places, but this…” He nodded in approval. “This is much better.”

I giggled, but stopped the second he leaned in, blowing lightly against my clothed core. “Here’s dessert, jagiya. Hope you like it.”

He mouthed at my pussy then, making the wetness drip down as I moaned out his name. “Just like that, kitten,” he murmured, stopping for only a second. “Moan my name. Cry it out. Scream it out.”

Taehyung licked a long strip up my core, making me shiver, before hooking two fingers underneath my panties and yanking them down. Making eye contact with me, he slowly slid them down my legs and over my ankles, taking his time.

I whimpered. “Taehyung, stop teasing.”

“Hush, kitten. You’ll get what you want.”

He leaned in once more and started eating me out with vigor. I gasped in surprise, my juices coating his face as the sight of his long tongue pushing inside of me turned me on even more. After a bit, he stopped tongue-fucking me and pushed his middle finger inside, wrapping his lips around my clit.

“Taehyung, nnnggh, fuck!” I cried out, my hips bucking, my hands kneading my breasts which were still encased by my bra.

He grunted and merely pumped his finger faster, soon after adding a second one. I was in heaven. It wouldn’t be long before all that sexual frustration found relief. My moans got louder and higher in pitch until my orgasm crashed into me, waves of pleasure rippling through every inch of my body, my thighs shaking uncontrollably.

My boyfriend worked me through it, not stopping until I whimpered from overstimulation. He slowly pulled his fingers out and I clenched around nothing, gasping for air. “I’ll give you a couple minutes jagiya,” he said, smirking and lifting his sweater over his head to finally reveal his toned torso. “But after that, I’m going to fuck you into next week.”

A shiver went through me at his words. I got up, legs still shaky, and accepted a glass of water Taehyung poured out for me. Gulping it down, I reached around my sweaty body and unhooked my bra, sliding the straps down my arms, slowly letting it fall down my chest. Taehyung groaned at the sight of my naked form, reaching to undo his pants.

I grabbed his hands, stopping him, and undid his belt buckle for him, slowly lowering the zipper.

“Kitten,” he moaned, his eyes dark and hooded. “Quit teasing.”

I smirked. “Karma’s a bitch, isn’t she?”

Taehyung growled then swooped me up and carried me to the bedroom, tossing me on his bed. He ripped off his trousers and boxer-briefs then crawled over me, pressing his full, hard length into my core and rubbing it between my legs. I gasped, my hands scrambling all over his back, pulling him close. “Ready?” he whispered, his breath tickling my ear.

I wanted to say yes, but common sense stopped me. “Wait… condom?”

“Oh, right!” Taehyung stood up and opened his bedside drawer, pulling out a wrapper and tearing it open with his teeth. He rolled the condom on, and I took a moment to appreciate just how thick he was. He looked like he could fill me up for days.

Once again, my boyfriend crawled on top of me and started teasing me once more. I reached down to push him inside, but he playfully smacked my hand away. “Relax,” he murmured. “Let me take care of you.”

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he pushed his full length inside, going slowly so I could adjust to the stretch. Once he bottomed out, he kissed me hard, tongue swirling around mine. He slowly started to rock his hips, and I tore my mouth from his, gasping out. It wasn’t long before he was sliding his cock all the way out and quickly slamming it back in, the speed causing both of us to pant.

“Oh god, there, right there,” I gasped as he hit that sensitive bundle of nerves.

Taehyung grunted. “So… fucking… tight,” he said, emphasizing each word with a hard thrust. “Gonna… cum… soon.”

“Me too,” I whimpered, feeling my muscles start to spasm.

My second orgasm crashed into me like a tidal wave, the force of it so strong I couldn’t help but dig my nails into his back, crying out his name. “Taehyung! Taehyung! Oh god, Taehyung!”

“That’s it, kitten, scream my name,” Taehyung huffed, going faster and faster until he too grunted, pushing deep into me, his cock twitching with the force of his orgasm.

He pulled out of me and kissed me deeply. “Happy anniversary, jagiya,” he panted before rolling over and cuddling me to his wide chest.

I sighed happily, still a bit out of breath. “Wow. Happy anniversary indeed.”

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

If you like this preview, check out the full story on my Wattpad profile!

21 notes · View notes

hisgirlwonder · 5 years

Text

One Shot – His Little Demon

Length: 1.3k words Warning: Smut, Sub Michael/Dom reader, kink, humiliation/degrading, ruined orgasm, etc - read at your own discretion Synopsis: Michael has been staying late almost every night since this project started trying to develop Ms. Mead’s robot so she’s perfect but neglecting y/n, his beautiful wife, in the process. When y/n has had enough, Michael is in for a surprise. Notes: Set in AHS / I didn’t think I’d enjoy writing Michael being in trouble but apparently I did? I haven’t done too much proofreading of this so I hope it makes sense. Enjoy! Let me know if you’d like to see more of Michael being dominated by his wife.

Michael Langdon wasn’t afraid of much, except when you were mad.

The door flings open and you storm through it; your heels loudly hitting the floor beneath your feet. “Where is he? Where is my husband?” You bark, looking around the room. Your sight falls onto the front desk to see someone other than Venable; she wasn’t exactly your favourite person. Venable was a bitch through and through and had a heart colder than ice.

Instead, Mutt has taken her place and is sitting in her seat. All he can do is laugh awkwardly in an attempt at masking your distress, unsure what to say or do at this point. You snap at him, “Think this is funny, do you? Well it’s not. Where is he?”

“He, is, in in in, his office, Mrs Langdon.” Mutt tries to speak but he’s stumbles over his words. Already scared of you for being married to his boss, because Michael is a power all on his own, but now even more because you’re upset. He saw with his own eyes what Michael was capable of and the thought constantly crossed his mind when you were in his presence as to whether or not you were gifted in the same way.

You lean down on the desk in front of him, sneering, “Why don’t you go and be a good boy and get him for me then?” Mutt doesn’t verbally respond but his actions speak louder than words when he practically runs to Michael, almost falling over in the process. You’re watching through the window of the room he disappears into; Michael is sitting in the chair in front of his computer. You can hear a muffled voice, “Your woman is here and she is pissed.”

Seconds later, his face drops into one of his hands with the other vaguely gesturing in your direction. You were guessing he was telling his incompetent employee to get you. Michael knew he was in trouble and had a fair idea as to why. Mutt exits his office, trying not to visibly grimace at you when he catches your eye, and says that Michael wants to see you.

As you dart over to where Michael is you notice that he’s trying to force his mouth into a smile. His mouth opens to start speaking but you stop him in his tracks; your right hand makes a zipping motion over your lips. “I just ask for one night. One. I can’t believe you would choose working on your fucking doll yet again over me, Michael.”

Planting yourself in front of him, you force his legs apart using a knee and place a foot on his chair; resting dangerously close to his crotch with one of your Louboutins. Your well-sculpted legs now spread before him, Michael was able to see everything underneath your skirt, specifically your lack of underwear, and he was practically drooling at the sight. He desperately wanted to be between your thighs; writing an apology over those curves from his tongue.

You’d gone the whole nine yards today - you were wearing his favourite perfume, had on the lipstick he loved because it “brought out your eyes”, and even styled your hair how he liked it. You wanted to make him suffer.

“Cat got your tongue?” you taunt. You knew that this man standing before you, the man that you loved, felt ridiculous after what he’d done to you but you wanted him to learn. He couldn’t stand making you upset and usually you were fairly reasonable except, as of late, Kineros Robotics had gotten more of him than you had. When he brought the company out you specifically told him there needed to be equal give and take; he unfortunately had gotten in way over his head with the current project he was working on.

“Honey, I’m sor-“ Michael tries to speak before you cut him off.

“You’re sorry, right? Yeah, I’m sorry too.” Part of you couldn’t look at him without feeling a tiny bit of guilt but the humiliation overwhelmed you. He needed to understand there were consequences to breaking his word.

“Why are you sorry?” Michael questions what you’ve said, completely unaware about what is to come.

Your hands are straightening up his collar, “Because, darling husband, I have to punish you now, in your place of work, where your colleagues have to see.” Your mouth hovers close to his ear, “I’m sure they’ll love to know the man they see higher than God is secretly a little bitch.” That sentence slid off the tongue like water off a ducks back.

Those words would hurt any normal person, but Michael? No. Michael was anything but normal. They stung him momentarily before turning him into a puddle on the floor. He was a sucker for your degradation. Michael worshipped the ground you walked on and he’d kiss it if you asked. He’d probably even lick your shoes clean if it made you happy.

“Stand up and let me sit down,” you order him. The two of you trade places, Michael perches himself on the desks edge and you sit in the chair. Your hand rubs over his crotch. “Yeah, just as I figured. You are rock hard and I’m guessing already leaking too.” You undo his trousers and let them fall down, exposing his underwear. The suspicions you held were right; a small patch of pre-cum had formed below his waistband. You question him, trying not to grin, “Was this before or after I threatened your manhood?”

Michael gulps, “Before. When Mutt told me you were here and you were mad....” he trails off. You click your tongue and mock him, “Michael Langdon, Prince of Darkness, coming undone from being belittled like a child.”

You take out his erection out of his underwear; he’s throbbing at your touch and his hips instinctively buck. A hand strokes him lightly, you grumble, “Don’t you dare think about moving. This doesn’t let you off the hook, either.”

Picking up the pace, you tease him, “You know what? Since you didn’t come home until late last night I had to satisfy myself.” You pump his shaft faster and Michael starts to whimper at the change in speed. “That new toy, the one we were saving, made me cum seven times last night. Seven times.”

Michael is grasping at the table it’s obvious he’s getting close. To make things worse you continue taunting him with your words; reminding him what he’s been missing out on. He repeatedly says, crying, “I'm sorry, I-I-I’m sorry,” as you’re bringing him to the edge, again and again. It isn’t long before he’s begging you for mercy and to let him finish. Your tone becomes more playful but callous, “Okay, Michael. If you want it that badly then you can have it.”

You rise up from the chair and position yourself to his side, making sure you get out of the firing line, so to speak. You bring him to the edge but let go of his cock as he climaxes; ruining the orgasm you had been building up and leaving him to spill everywhere, making a mess all over his pants. Michael grunts both in satisfaction and frustration; his ruined orgasm causing him to be less satisfied than usual.

Your now empty hand reaches up to his face and rubs at his cheek. “Oops. Looks like someone made a mess.” As you walk off, you tell him, “I’ll see you at home tonight for dinner.”

Taglist: @sensitivethot @avesatanormalpeoplescareme @sammythankyou (let me know if you want to be added)

#writing #fanfic #american horror story #ahs #ahs apocalypse #michael langdon #michael x reader #smut #one shot #set: in ahs #american horror story fanfic #american horror story fanfiction #american horror story smut #ahs fanfic #ahs fanfiction #ahs smut #michael langdon fanfic #michael langdon fanfiction #michael langdon smut

194 notes · View notes

littleliv1 · 5 years

Text

Too Much Love Will Kill You- Brian May

A/n: sooooo. I had this idea. I have some ideas for how this could go, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I’ve looked absolutely everywhere for a little while now and couldn’t find any stories that were like this one, so yeah, I hope I’m not steeling anyone’s ideas. Idk if this will be a one shot, a few parts, or an actual fic, I guess it just depends. We will see :D also sorry for not being able to put “read more” and my docs just taking up space, my laptop finally died

Summary: You were at a concert with your girlfriends to see the band Queen. You fell in love with their music, and had taken a liking to the guitarist, Brian. You had met them a few times, seeing them at parties of mutual friends, etc.

Warnings: an affair, kissing, a lot of angst, sex, smoking weed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were with Emi, your best friend since birth, at Queens concert. They were on The Magic Tour, so it was formally named, in the name of their latest album A Kind Of Magic. As the end of the night neared, they closed out with One Vision. You and Emi sang the lyrics as loud as you could. Because of your wealth, you got front row seats. This rewarded you to make prolonged eye contact with Brian. The whole time. You had been making flirty eyes at him, unintentionally but also intentionally, but he didn’t seem to mind, it only made him go harder. You all waited for rows to clear so you could be escorted out, meeting up with Emi’s “secret” boy hot, David Bowie. He was handsome to say the least, you only wish you’d have nabbed him before she did, but she really liked him. “Ready to drink our body weights?” I asked her, she giggled, nodding her head. She had short black hair that she wore in a bob. She always smelled like David, only you knew what went on behind closed doors.

About an hour later, you arrived to the after party. Things were going well, but no sign of that tall brunette. You found a few friends, and started drinking. It was a good time. You all talked about nothing, and everything. That ended as soon as someone whipped out karaoke. You couldn’t resist when they started playing your favorite songs, but you took over when they started playing I Want To Break Free by Queen. Emi couldn’t help but to die of laughter, throwing dollar bills at you, as you jokingly stripped off your jacket. But, how embarrassing is it when the writers of the song come waltzing in? Your drunken self didn’t care, but you knew your sober self sure as hell would. But, you’ve put that bad boy to bed three drinks ago. As you finished, the boys clapped for you, laughing. “Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all night!" You said, bowing. “What a mess you are, (y/n)!" Emi said, clinging on to David. “I don’t get embarrassed anymore, love," you stated. It’s true, you didn’t. You do dumb shit but you own it.

You walked over to Brian and Freddie, holding you third martini of the night. “Loved your show tonight!” You stated, louder than intended. “We could say the same about you, darling!” Freddie said, hugging you and kissing your cheek. “Marvelous to see you again, thought after your last album took off you wouldn’t be caught dead at our concert!” He said. You threw your head back in a sarcastic laugh. “Ha! Sweetheart I wouldn’t be caught dead doing a lot of things. Never in my life will I ever be shamed of seeing my favorite rock band!” You said, playfully and drunkenly punching his arm. You turned to Brian. “And how are you? Haven’t heard from you in a while,” you said, sipping your drink. He smirked, taking a pint of lager from a Roger. “Good, Good. Can’t complain,” he said. He looked over at the stand, and nudged you to look over. You did, finding Emi singing Fat Bottom Girls. You could have doubled over in laughter as she walked over to you, slapping your bum at the lyric “You make the rockin world go round!” You giggled a bit to this. You were busy with your friend that you couldn’t have noticed how Brian was completely lusting over you. He’s always loved how you were so outgoing. Chrissie would never embarrass herself like that. She was never one to be outgoing and crazy, that’s why she never went to any after parties, even before the kids.

“I need a smoke,” you said, digging in your purse, pulling out a carton of cigarettes. “Anyone like to join?” You asked, holding them out. “I’m okay, I just got back from smoking one,” Roger said. Brian stood, taking one. “I’ll join,” he said. You both walked into the cool, winter air, as you lit the cigarettes. “I don’t think I’ll be going home with anyone anymore, Emis probably run off with- someone.” You said, stopping yourself, remembering how no one can know about David and Emi. Little did you know, Brian knew you had to stop yourself from saying a specific someone, and he wanted to know. “Who is she with?” He asked you, you giggled because you knew something that someone else didn’t. “I can’t tell you!” You said. Your giggle made him smile, as he held your elbows when you leaned into him while giggling. He looked away, debating on the comment he was about to make as he licked his lips slightly, biting his bottom lip. “Secret for a secret?” He said. Now that was an offer you couldn’t refuse. “Hmmmhmhm,” you giggled into your mouth. You pulled his frow down, finding his ear, causing him to laugh because, well, you were a bit shorter than him, even in your heels. “She’s secretly dating David Bowie,” you said, placing a finger on your lips, shushing him. “It’s a secret and no one can know!” You said quietly, releasing hair. He looked inside to the two, now understanding as he nodded. “Nice,” He said. You poked at his belly, teasingly. “Your turn!” You said. He flicked his cigarette. “How drunk are you?” He asked. “I’m conscious, but I cannot drive myself home.” You said with a straight face, your total mood change earning a laugh from him. “Now tell me,” you slightly whispered. “I’m,” He started, letting out a small ‘I-can’t-believe-I’m-doing-this’ laugh. “I’m very attracted to you,” He said, having no regards for his wife and kids. He couldn’t hold it back, but he couldn’t help how he was feeling. But a bubble of regret comes over his body, as he sees you go sober immediately. Your eyes pierced into his, your lips slightly parted, taken a back. You were at a loss of words. As soon as you were about to say something, John walked out. “They’ve got a cake, Brian! It has our names on it! Come see!” He said, pulling Brian inside.

The end of the night rolled around, and you were drunk once again, but now with a belly full of cake. “Still drunk?" Brian asked from behind you, your conversation was hours ago and you hadn’t talked to him since. You turned to face him, nodding your head, showing him your glass of what-ever-was-handed-to-you. He smiled, looking down. “Let me drive you home, make sure you get home alright, Emi left hours ago.” He said, you chugged the rest of the glass, nodding your head. You didn’t look too bad for being very drunk. Things were blurry, but you still knew what was going on. But about half way through the night, you took of your heels and you’re pretty sure you made out with a groupie. He drove you home. You lived about 35 minutes away, but he drove kind of slower so that you didn’t vomit. He pulled into the drive way, running to your side and let you out, walking you inside. “Thanks, for taking me home,” You said, the drive had given you some time to calm down, you didn’t feel as drunk anymore. But damn were you hungry. “I have left over pizza, if you want to join, as a thank you for making sure I don’t die,” you tried to crack a joke, hoping it wouldn’t make things awkward. He looked at his watch. He could stay for a bit, he thought to himself. It wouldn’t hurt to eat. It was 3 am. “I’d love to.” He smiled, causing you to smile. You opened the fridge to a full box of pizza. “I always order some before parties, I usually wind up home alone, I like eating cold pizza at times like that,” You said, leaning on the island in your kitchen, taking a bite of it. He took a piece, eating it with you, leaning back on the counter. “So, what you told me before,” you said. Someone had to address the elephant in the room. “Were you just really drunk? Or do you actually,” You said, motioning to him. He nodded his head. “I do actually,” he repeated the motion you had made. You look at his hand, with a ring. He’s married, you thought to yourself.

‘Nothing can happen, (y/n), don’t try.’

You both sat there, eating your food, thinking to yourself. He had felt like this for so long, he wanted you for so long. It got to the point where he had to drink before making love to his wife, so he had the chance of seeing you instead. He hated himself for it. For feeling this way about someone else. He knew Chrissie deserved better. He couldn’t fight the feeling in his stomach. The kind of feeling that forced him to move near you. You had always been attracted to him. Who wouldn’t be? On nights where you came home alone, you had only dreamed of waking up next to him. There felt like a magnet in your belly that was pulling you to him; the kind of magnet that you couldn’t fight even if you tried, and you were. You tried to plant your feet, until you noticed him moving closer. You went to grab a piece of pizza, to try and disguise it. Soon enough, your faces were so close. You were both mentally begging the other to close the gap. So you wouldn’t be in the wrong. But when you both took a deep breath, the kind of deep breath the fills your belly and chest, you both took that as the other going in. As he grabbed your face, you wrapped your arms around his neck, and your lips met. It was a kiss full of list, desire, and passion.

The kiss that lasted but a moment, felt like a lifetime; or at least you wanted this for a lifetime. You were the one to pull away, looking up at him with lustfilled eyes. It was more than just list, however. There were feelings. Feelings that you didn’t know you could feel for someone. Feelings that he had bottled up for so long. You opened your mouth to speak, but what you were trying to say, you didn’t know. He gripped your hips, pulling you in for another kiss, this one deeper than the last. You were pushing against eachother so desperate to be closer to the other. But he was stronger, as you felt yourself walking backwards. This had continued until you were in your room.

Your house was very simple, yet cute, but not too girly. You had a lot of patterned pillows, soft lights hanging from the celling, almost hippy like, your home was. It was cozy. Your mother always told you about how crystals can heal a hurt Ora, or a happy environment could give you good vibes. Your bedroom wasn’t any different. As you stepped in, you kicked the door shut, in case Emi walked in, not that she would at this hour, but just in case. He started to kiss down your neck, cocking your head to the side. You could see in the mirror what was happening, Brian’s face tucked into the crook of your neck, your lipstick smeared, as it was all over Brian’s mouth. Your lips felt swollen, along with other parts. Your hair was a wreck, as it had his hands tangled into it. You couldn’t help but to feel like he might have been thinking about his wife, maybe he was so drunk that he thinks you’re her. But how could he have driven so well? You tried to think about any excuse possible that could explain why this was happening. That is until he noticed the stress in your eyes. “Are you okay? Do you not like it?” He asked. He was worried, not only did he know how completely shitty this all was, but he didn’t want to displease you. You nodded your head. “No, yes I’m okay, and you’re doing great, wonderful even. But, what about Christie?” You asked him, his hands around your waist and your hands pressed against his chest. He looked down.

“Maybe you’re right,” He said. He sat on the edge of your bed. “Things just aren’t going well. She doesn’t talk to me anymore, not in the same way at least. After we got married it was like she became a whole new person. She hardly ever wanted to go out, she just. Wasn’t who I thought I was marrying.” He said. You had to feel sympathetic for him. That situation must suck, you thought. You sat next to him in the bed, rubbing his arm. “It’s okay, you can talk about it,” you say. You just wanted him to be alright, even if it meant you didn’t have relations with him. He looked to you, lust in his deep eyes.

He gripped your face. Maybe it was the euphoric feeling he gave you to be with him, in this way. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was your sleep deprivation kicking in. But the next while, you couldn’t remember. But you know it was full of passion. It wasn’t just dirty and messy, how his hips snapped to yours, he cradled you and placed sweet-like-candy kisses to your face and neck and all over your body. Also not forgetting to place sweet bruises on your neck and chest and tummy. You felt like being with him was like being on cloud nine. You felt like you were floating.

About an hour after you all had finished, you couldn’t sleep. How could you? You were now apart of an affair. What hurt was that you didn’t know if he’d ever talk to you again. But what hurt worse than that was that you felt like that. You knew he was going to chose his wife of many years over someone younger. Not by much, but he may think that you’re just a twinkie. Nothing more. Next thing you knew, you woke up. When you fell asleep, you weren’t sure. And looking over, he was gone.

#brian may #brian may x reader #brian may angst #brian may fluff #brian may affair #im sorry i cant write smut #its quit laughable #queen fanfiction

45 notes · View notes

godlyvan · 6 years

Text

2 | A LITTLE BIT GOES A LONG WAY

SUMMARY | ice play and blindfolds always make for a good time.

WARNINGS | smut and swearing

A/N | here’s the second installment of ‘inexperienced’! i hope you enjoy it, and i’m terribly sorry the ending is kind of shit. i wrote a really fucking good version before google docs decided it wasn’t important enough to save. enjoy!

PART TWO OF FIVE IN THE ‘INEXPERIENCED’ SERIES / PART ONE X

He liked the sex they had a few weeks ago. In fact, he liked it so much that he often had dreams about it. He remembered how good it felt, pushing her hips down with his hands so she wouldn’t move. He wanted to venture more ― see what else he could try. He didn’t go out and research what he could all try, what would be the fun in that? He had a lovely girlfriend with fantasies that run wild everywhere. He’d wait until she came home and ask what she had in mind as well, aside from him fucking her really hard.

But she wouldn’t come home until the middle of the night, Van’s eyes slowly adjusting to the lights being turned on. “Shit, did I wake you up, babe?”

“A bit, was waiting for you, love.” He spoke with a raspy voice, his hands finding her lower back. His arms were loosely wrapped around her waist, his head resting on her shoulder. Her hands rubbed his back, pulling away from him.

“Let’s get you to bed, yeah?” She said quietly, Van’s head nodding lightly. He followed Y/N’s leading hand into their bedroom. She turned to him and pulled his shirt off of him as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Lift your arms for me, please.”

Next to go were his pants, leaving on his socks and underwear. He did the little kid grabby hands thing, wanting Y/N to come to bed. She chuckled, throwing on a sweatshirt of Van’s. Her bare legs felt warm against Van’s undeniably cold feet. She didn’t understand how someone so warm, could have such cold feet and hands. But nonetheless, she left his feet be, not caring about the way they felt against her skin. She pulled his body into hers, his head finding a home on her chest, his ear pressed against the skin where her heart would be hidden behind her ribcage. His arms, yet again, loosely wrapped around her middle, occasionally running his thumb over the skin on her hips. “Missed you.”

She would have to wake up earlier than him in the morning, disappearing off to work to spend her day answering phone calls. She had to shower, get ready and get out as quietly as possible. Van needed all the sleep he could get. Y/N didn’t mind her job, anything to keep her busy while Van was away on tour. She quickly placed a kiss high on his cheekbone and left.

Van woke up around three-thirty, wondering if people could really sleep for that long. His body needed it more than anything, getting three hours of sleep at least every night was not good for him. He was the lead singer, he should be getting six to eight hours, letting his body replenish itself while he slept. Thankfully, Catfish were taking a break, writing songs for their fourth album. This meant for the next year, he could do festivals and still spend loads of time with his girlfriend. And that’s when he face palmed, realizing he forgot to ask her about trying new things. He grabbed his phone, pressing the call button next to Y/N’s name.

"Hey, can we talk when you get home tonight?" Van asked into the phone, licking his lips afterwards. His hold on the phone was practically a death grip. He was so scared of even talking about it. Was she going to think he was weird?

"Sure thing! May I ask what we're going to be discussing?" Her voice rung through the phone, Van's cheeks becoming pink. He was blushing, not knowing who was listening. He hesitated before finding his voice.

"I just wanted to talk to you about trying new things."

"What new things?" She fucking knew what he was talking about. Her pen was tucked between her teeth, biting on it as she smiled. She knew Van would become flustered, either mad or just plain embarrassed.

"Like… sexual new things. I liked what we did three weeks ago. I wanna do that again… but more. I wanna try different things than that."

"Okay, baby. We'll talk about that when I get home, alright? I should be there around four." They said goodbye and hung up. He was super fucking nervous. Van loved Y/N more than anything, so he trusted her with every fiber of his being. She could quite honestly bring anything new to the table, and he'd get down on his knees and beg for her to touch him. Was she going to ask him to do that? Was he going to have to beg for something?

His imagination wandered while he waited for her to come home. What would she make him beg for? Would he have to beg her to let him cum, or was she not going to control that? Would he have to beg to touch her, or please her? Fuck, his mind was being filled with dreams of what could possibly happen. He loved every second of it. It excited him -- even talk of trying new things made him lightheaded, every drop of blood draining from his head. It all rushed to his dick, his thoughts rearranging into fits of fantasies being played out like a movie in his head. Oh how he wished he could touch her skin in this moment.

His hands would run over every inch of skin they could, drinking in her every curve. His lips would find their way to the valley of her breasts, kissing the skin until he reached her nipple. He'd take it into his mouth, the other hand occupying the untouched breast, kneading it in his hand. He'd swirl his tongue around the bundle of nerves, hearing his beautiful babygirl moan louder than before. He loved hearing her moan, the way she melted into his touch, and called out his name…

"Van? Baby, I'm home! Can we talk now?" She called through the apartment, Van snapping out of his thoughts. Fuck, think of anything gross… old ladies naked in the shower kissing old, naked men, he thought, scrambling to try and make his erection disappear. It helped, for the most part, it was going to be hide a semi when all he wears is skinny jeans. "Hey, baby, I missed you! How was your day?"

"Y/N, is it alright if we just cut to the chase? I'm really fucking nervous." He admitted, walking over to her in the kitchen. He leaned up against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. She nodded, softly kissing his cheekbone. "I really, really liked three weeks ago. I didn't know that… that stuff could feel good, you know? Always been in my little world… I'm ready to see the rest of it. I want you to show me the rest of it."

"Really?" She asked, her eyes lighting up a bit. She was excited to hear this, a long, long list accumulating as they spoke. There were so many things she'd like to show him, and also try herself. "Well, we're going to start out small, if that's okay? I don't want to overwhelm you on the first try."

"Yeah, that actually sounds really nice. What are we starting with, and can we start today?" He asked quietly, looking down at his bulge. Y/N smiled, bringing his face to hers. She nodded, kissing him again. "Are you gonna tell me what it is, love?"

"That'd be too easy. Just let's go get you undressed, shall we?" She smirked, taking Van's hand. She lead him up to the bedroom, sitting him down on the edge of their bed. She slowly unbuttoned every single one on his shirt, agonizingly slow. She pushed the button up off of his shoulders, letting him take it off the rest of the way. Her hands danced over his pectoral muscles, drawing swirls inside the patch of chest hair. She usually didn't like chest hair, hating the way it would interfere with her trailing kisses down torsos, but on Van, it was actually fucking sexy. She loved every hair on his body.

Next to go were his pants, Y/N left Van to remove, them, settling back down on the bed once again. She made him move towards the headboard, pulling out one of the black ties Van owned. It was strange - seeing him in it for the first time, but he looked so good, she dragged him by the tie around all night. Her body secretly wished that she would be tied up with it while he fucked her senseless. "What you doin' with those babe?"

"Goin' around your eyes so you can't see anything, is that alright with you, or do you want to wait?" He shook his head, as he thought before, he would want to do anything she wanted to.

"I'd do anything with, and for, you." He admitted, feeling the silk of his tie begin to wrap around his head. He couldn't see anything, his world becoming pitch black. He was nervous, again, to say the very least. She'd told him that she'd be right back, going to grab something before they'd start. And when she came back, he barely heard a thing. His hands were behind his head, supporting it as if he'd been watching television. "Babe? Are you there?"

"I'm here, baby," she held her hand out to him, touching his hip. He'd been left in his boxers, Y/N snapped the band of them against his skin. "I'm gonna start now, okay? I want you to guess what it is, alright?"

"Okay," his voice was shaky. He wanted to move, change into a position that made him more vulnerable, but he felt he was already there. Her left hand reached for him, her right holding an ice cube in her hand. She quickly put it in her mouth, hovering over his body. He gasped, feeling the coolness against skin. She started on his neck, dragging it up and down wherever she could. The ice cube began to melt even more against his hot skin, but he loved every second of it so far.

“What is it, baby?”

“I-Ice,” she nodded, remembering that he wouldn’t be able to see. Instead, her answer was pushing another ice cube in her mouth, bringing her lips to his this time. She pushed the melting ice cube into his mouth, letting it fully melt. She got off the bed, drinking a little bit of the water in the cup of ice she had on the bedside table. Van didn’t know where she went, he couldn’t see anything, but he could still feel that she was in the room. She found a place to sit down on the bed, resting between his legs after she pushed them apart. Her mouth kissed his torso everywhere, slowly moving further south. Her lips occupied his collarbones while she played with the waistband of his boxers. He whined, bucking his hips up to meet her hand, “Baby, please.”

She dipped her hand below his waistband, grabbing him with her hand, beginning to pump him slowly at first. If anyone could see him, his eyebrows would be furrowed, his eyes screwed tight. His mouth hung open, the sight before Y/N more beautiful than anything she’d ever seen before. Her mouth would soon replace her hand though, making Van’s moans echo throughout the room, after she fully removed his boxers, tossing them by his pants and shirt, wherever they were. She loved the sound of him - his moans had always been the sexiest things she’d ever listened to.

He was afraid he was enjoying it too much, mouth fucking her, his dick hitting the back of her throat. He pulled the blindfold off, wanting to see that she was alright. Her mouth left his body, her hand taking its spot for the moment. “Van, you’re all good, okay? This is about you right now, about making you feel good. Okay?”

“O-Okay, fuck,” he groaned once her mouth regained its rightful place. He was putty in her hands. From the minute he felt the ice against his skin, to right fucking now. He was entirely hers; mind, body, and soul would always completely belong to her. His moans gradually were getting louder, his eyes flickering down to where she was. His hands made fists into the duvet on their bed, his stomach tensing. He was close, Y/N knew it too. He didn’t know if it was alright to cum in her mouth, was it? “Babe -”

He went to pull her face from his hard-on, but she shook her head around him, making Van moan once again. He whispered as he felt his release right on the edge, “Oh God. Oh, fuck me, fuck, fuck.” He came in her mouth, Y/N swallowing all of it before grabbing a drink of water. She smiled over at Van, kissing his lips. “Thank you for that, darlin’. I really liked that.”

“I’m glad. Wanna shower?”

“No, it’s your turn now, or is that not okay? Don’t you wanna be able to cum too?” She nodded, biting her lip. He pulled at the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head. He used one hand to unbutton her jeans, the other unclasping her bra. It was honestly amazing how good he was at multitasking. She pulled off her pants, throwing them wherever. She got on the bed, her back against the mattress. She smiled as Van’s mouth found her neck. “I’m not gonna use the ice, okay? Way to horny for that shit right now.”

“All good,” she chuckled, letting Van’s lips relax her. He kissed everywhere, his mouth falling between her breasts. He kissed his way to one nipple, wrapping his mouth around it. The other breast was occupied by a hand massaging it, making a moan fall from Y/N’s lips. He switched his position, littering kisses all over her other breast before making his way towards her womanhood. He pressed kisses above and below her navel, putting his hand on her hips, meeting her underwear. He began to pull them down slowly, pressing kisses to the skin that was new to the air in the room.

He tossed her underwear with the rest of the clothing, putting her legs on his shoulders. He kissed her inner thigh, inching closer and closer to where she needed him. He started off slow, putting his flat tongue on her before be would speed up, his tongue drawing figure eights on her clit. His tongue focused on her clit, one finger slipping into her. One finger soon became two, which soon became three. Her moans could probably be heard throughout the whole house. Her hands found themselves in his hair, tugging at his roots, bringing his face up to hers. It stung, but he liked it, hissing at the contact. His mouth molded against hers, both of them moaning into each other’s mouth.

“Faster, Van, please.” She whined, bringing her hips to meet his hand, grinding against it. He complied, picking up the pace. Her hands were still in his hair, still tugging on it, her hips moving erratically as she began to orgasm. She brought her mouth onto Van’s, his body pressing against hers. She loved every second of it, as did he. “Holy shit, babe.”

“Holy shit is right,” Van laughed, lying next to Y/N on the bed. “We’ve gotta try more of this stuff. If you ever cum that hard again, I’ll probably just off by looking at ya.”

#van mccann is a god and a man™#vanmccann #van mccann #van #mccann #vanfic #van fic #vanfiction #van fiction #van smut #godlyvan smut #inexperienced series #my fics #my series

32 notes · View notes