#theme: crying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aftgficrec · 10 months

Note

Can you post fics where Andrew and Neil argue but make up in the end?

Enjoy this walk through andreil feels, anon. The previous asks mentioned lead to a bunch more asks and fics. -A

also see:

andreil arguing here

new andreil breakup/make-up here

fave break up and make up here

andreil or jerejean kiss & make-up here

miscommunication leading to near-breakups here

angst w/happy ending: miscommunication or pining here

andreil enemies to lovers 2 here

Andrew makes Neil cry here

Neil snaps ‘not nothing’ here

‘quicksand’ here

‘low quay, no pressure’ here

‘transience’ here

‘transmission’ here

‘Tumblr Headcanons - Andreil’ Ch 11 & 12 here

‘Neil worried that Andrew cheated’ here

‘Home for Christmas’ here

‘Wake Up to Your Sunset’ here (completed)

‘All I Wanted’ here

‘Some Kind of Disaster’ here

‘I’m Not Dead Yet’ here

‘Can Nobody Hear Me (I cannot breathe)’ here (completed)

‘nice to see your face again’ and ‘Dawn Won't End the Night’ (updated) here

‘please come back, save me from myself,’ ‘ghostin',’ and ‘I ran out of every reason’ here

‘but i don't think i can ever learn how to love just right’ here

‘Shared Custody’ and ‘Shared Custody (The Blame the Cat Remix)’ here

if you really love nothing by seasy33 [Rated M, 39713 Words, Complete, 2022]

Andrew finds an interesting piece of paper. He's not quite sure how he feels about it.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: rape/noncon, tw: flashbacks, tw: alcohol

Undefined Roommates Code by Helpisneeded [Rated E, 56760 Words, Incomplete, Updated Oct 2022]

Punching your roommate is not a very smart idea. Starting a friends with benefits relationship with said roommate is an even worse one. Setting up a string of rules to keep it purely physical and make sure you don’t catch feeling but catching them anyways is certainly the stupidest thing you could do in that situation. Luckily for Neil, he never claimed to be smart.

tw: explicit sexual content, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced suicidal tendencies

Regrowth by Mystrana [Rated E, 4836 Words, Complete, 2021]

It goes like this: Neil's giving therapy a chance. He's dealing with every emotion he's ever pushed down trying to leak back up. When he gets hurt during a game, Andrew gets upset and they get into an argument. And then Andrew apologizes. A fic in which Andrew and Neil work on healing together and cry and have the softest sex in the world.

tw: explicit sexual content

An intimate moment with someone you hate by krasmataz [Rated E, 7414 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil and Andrew have their first fight after trying something new in the bedroom. Hope they figure it out before they destroy too much school property!

tw: implied/referenced self-harm, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced suicidal tendencies

over/under by likearecord [Rated E, 9506 Words, Complete, 2023]

He’d thought Neil, with his smart mouth and his wild eyes, would be satisfied with what Andrew was offering. He guesses he’d thought Neil was used to living on scraps—and Andrew has never had anything meatier to give. He’d been wrong.

tw: explicit sexual content

Only Fools Fall. by Random2002 [Rated T, 19789 Words, Incomplete, Updated Feb 2023]

Neil tests how faithful his clients partners are. Roland is a client; he's worried about his boyfriend. It isn't long until Neil notices some serious rifts in the relationship he is meant to test.

tw: child abuse

Cold Cookies by Preludeno3 [Rated M, 11583 Words, Incomplete, Updated Jan 2023, Locked]

It starts off as an abstract, incomplete thought. Andrew’s on his knees on the rug in his Columbia bedroom, going to town on Neil’s dick. Or Andrew wants to try face fucking, trauma is a bitch and Neil is almost too understanding

tw: explicit sexual content, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

First fight by Olympyas [Not Rated, 3265 Words, Complete, 2023]

"There is no this, you are nothing and nothing doesn't exist." It hurt. A lot. Especially when you spent the whole day feeling like nothing. So he wanted to hurt Andrew in return. He wanted to get, even the slightest, reaction from him. "Well, at least you can't hurt 'nothing' like you destroy everything around you." —hurt him— "You'll still run away like the rabbit you are. Tell me, Nathaniel, why are you staying?" Neil hated this name in Adrew's mouth "For nothing. I shouldn't have stayed in the first place." And he left.

tw: panic attacks, tw: violence, tw: assault, tw: attempted rape/noncon

A Substitute For Please by cadkitten [Rated E, 1911 Words, Complete, 2018]

Please is a word built to make things easy and life has never been easy for either of them. Please is meant to smooth things over, but they're all rough edges. Please is a final ditch effort when hope is lost and, Neil, he knows there's still hope here.

tw: ptsd, tw: depression, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: alcohol

NB: find more about Nicky’s state of mind here

To Be Close With You Is To Be Close With Myself by jostenskeys [Rated E, 20359 Words, Complete, 2022]

Andrew has always been a protector at heart despite how often he bullies Neil for his martyr complex. The summer before Neil's second year, however, he begins to feel the impacts of his life finally crash down on him just as they were finally safe from harm. Andrew fights with himself and doesn't know how he can help. But he soon realises, in order for him to help Neil, he needs to help himself too. Or The Convincing-Neil-To-Get-Therapy Chronicles. Written by Andrew Minyard and edited by Betsy Dobson.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: rape/noncon, tw: self harm, tw: urge to self harm, tw: blood, tw: suicidal ideation, tw: nightmares, tw: panic attacks, tw: depression

Stay series by jaydreamz [Rated M/T, Collection with 2 complete works, Updated Nov 2021]

Part 1: Was Sorta Hopin' That You'd Stay [M, 25740 Words] Neil and Andrew have HATED each other since an incident in college. They really, really do. The Minyard-Josten rivalry is not a sham. But now Andrew's transferring to Neil's team and all hell is about to break loose.

tw: alcohol, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: explicit sexual content

Part 2: Before I Hated You [T, 5974 Words] Before the Minyard-Josten rivalry was on, there was something else entirely. *** Andrew and Neil's first meeting in college that ended up starting the feud between them.

Bittersweet by Mercey [Rated M, 8370 Words, Complete, AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2021]

‘Why would Neil want to be with someone who can’t even care for him the right way? Why would he want that life for himself? He’s not a runaway anymore, he’s not so desperate for affection that he’ll settle for my meagre offerings, and good for him. It’s better that way.’ Andrew's spiralling with graduation coming up, and beginning to question the very foundations upon which he and Neil are built.

tw: depression

Hold Each Other by exactly13percent_OLD (hymbeaux) [Collection Rated T/E, Complete, 2018]

Chapter 12: Stranger [T, 2854 Words] Sometimes, love comes easily. That's the problem.

I took a breath and took the knife by eeveepkmnfan [Rated M, 2271 Words, Complete, 2022]

Andrew and Neil argue. Or, Neil is still struggling through the aftereffects of being drugged. Andrew is forced to confront the consequences of that decision.

tw: transphobia, tw: implied/referenced sexual assault, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced involuntary drug use, tw: ptsd

Spring Cleaning with a Man on the Lam by SugarLime [Rated G, 2240 Words, Complete, 2019]

Neil glared at the wrapper Andrew had tossed on the floor next to his chair. He stalked over with a nasty frown and leveled a glare at Andrew. Andrew met his glare with an empty expression. “What?” He asked, following Neil’s gaze as it tuned to the discarded wrapper, “it’s a wrapper,” he said wisely. His gut did a small flip as he tried to figure out why his boyfriend was mad.

I Won't Be Home For The Rest Of The Night by CasTheButler [Not Rated, 1039 Words, Complete, 2017]

Neil and Andrew have a fight, Neil learns to let someone new in.

Stars and Moons by sonyathefairy [Rated G, 1111 Words, Complete, 2017]

Neil ponders about the stars and his fight with Andrew. Or in which they both realise that they can't live without the other anymore.

Where We Belong by conniptionns [Rated T, 1374 Words, Complete, 2017]

prompt: andrew and neil get into this huge fight while andrew is driving so he tells neil to get out the car and walk the rest of the way.

Still here by theresnothis [Rated T, 2779 Words, Complete, AFTG Summer Exchange 2022]

After a fight with Andrew, Neil ran off into the night (but he would go back). Andrew found him and of course with Neil’s luck a robbery would occur.

flashes of intimacy by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, Collection, Complete, 2023]

Chapter 3: conflict resolution [385 Words] Chapter 4: space [507 Words]

tw: mild self harm

Chapter 16: picking fights [554 Words]

tw: mild self harm

“I don’t want your pity, I want your absence.” by markonasurface (idwir) [Not Rated, 1627 Words, Complete, 2018]

After the freshmen find out about Neil and Andrew, a terrible practice leads to Neil saying things he shouldn’t.

tw: involuntary outing, tw: homophobia, tw: scars, tw: anxiety attack, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: victim shaming, tw: self harm

“So much for not getting involved.” by markonasurface (idwir) [Not Rated, 769 Words, Complete, 2020]

“I don’t want your pity, I want your absence.” pt 2

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa

“don’t call me that”-andreil prompt fill by @markonasurface [Tumblr, 2017]

Neil heard the door to the roof open and knew it was Andrew. Annoyance flooded his chest and he had the overwhelming urge to hit him. Instead he lit another cigarette and let Andrew pluck it from his fingers even though he hadn’t offered it to him.

62 notes · View notes

jauntilyplacedcaps · 11 months

Text

#glee #gleeedit #glee caps #blaine anderson #sam evans #blam #chord overstreet #darren criss #overcriss #episode: naked #season 4 #4x12 #place: mckinley high #place: ohio #theme: hugs #duo #grey #red #theme: crying

23 notes · View notes

the-eclectic-wonderer · 10 months

Text

The Barbie movie really said. Yes you will grow up and childhood wonder will vanish. Yes you will grow up and learn to hate yourself, your body, your awkwardness. Yes you will grow up and lose your confidence and certainty and sense of purpose. Yes you will grow up and the world will seem a bleaker, lonelier place every day, and society will seem bleaker and lonelier every day, and you won’t understand what went wrong in the span of just a few years, what took you from a happy and secure young girl to a sad, uncertain, scared grown woman.

And yet. You will learn to find beauty again. You will find joy in not having a purpose, in building a purpose for yourself. You will find beauty in connection, with the people and the world around you. You will learn to love signs of ageing as proof of a life well lived, of experience and happiness. You will take that little girl by the hand and tell her “I know, this isn’t what you thought it would be, but it’s real. Let me show you how beautiful it can be.”

#idk I’m just really really emotional about this movie #it hit me in my core #like I loved the political critique obviously but #the message about growing up and losing your sense of identity and purpose just resonated with me #I’ve been crying about this since I saw the movie lmao #and I haven’t really seen a lot of commentary on this theme #barbie #barbie movie

16K notes · View notes

wheretheresawyll · 7 months

Text

Baldur's Gate III Characters + the Gods

The Last Temptation of Christ / Ethel Cain - Sun Bleached Flies / Wolf Alice - Silk / Nine Inch Nails - Terrible Lie / Alice Notley - Songs and Stories of the Ghouls / Jay Z, Kanye West, Frank Ocean - No Church In The Wild / The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath / Tori Amos - God

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3 #shadowheart #bg3 gale #lae'zel #bg3 lae'zel #wyll ravengard #astarion #bg3 astarion #zevlor #bg3 zevlor #minthara #bg3 minthara #ketheric thorm #my stuff #screaming crying throwing up about this theme always

9K notes · View notes

kathaynesart · 11 days

Text

REPLICA PLAYLIST

MUSIC UNDER CUT

I have been receiving requests for any songs that inspired Replica, so here, have my personal playlist. Sorry it’s not Spotify/Soundcloud but they don’t have some of these songs available so uh… guess you’re stuck with YouTube vids. For fun I'll include my personal titles for them (which might give a few hints of what to expect in the future/end).

Replica Main Theme - “Die for You” by Grabbitz Like Father Like Son Like Brother (Omega and Shelldon) - "As Above So Below" by Alistair Lindsay Mikey's Theme / The 1st Vision - "Suzume no Tojimari" by Nanoka Hara Military (Mad) Dogs / Central Park Colony - "Imperium" by Madeon Shanghai - "Icarus" by Madeon Boom Goes the Donnie-mite (Mikey/Donnie vs the Sweeper) - "The Red Zone" by Mitsuoto Suzuki The Day the Sky Bled Red - "7 Seconds Till the End" by Nobuo Uematsu Going Out Like a Boss (Raph and Leo) - "Agape" by Nicholas Britell Remembering the Right Way (Mikey and Leo) - "The Souls of Many" - by Alistair Lindsay Mystic Hands / The 2nd Vision - "Am I Dreaming" by Metro Boomin x A$AP Book 2 Trailer - "Sea Dragon" by Covet 7 Years Later - "Iron" by Woodkid Leo's Theme / Attack on the Labor Camp - "Ego Death" by Polyphia Omega's Theme - "Touch" by Daft Punk Flat Lines (Omega Alone) - "Die Toteninsel Emptiness" by 1000 Eyes Spear - "Monsters" by Tommee Profitt Final Protocol - "The Kraken" by Katie Dey Rise / Epilogue - "Close in the Distance" by Masayoshi Soken & Tom Mills

I will admit, it's a little embarrassing since you can easily see the patterns of what I've been listening to for the past year or two. I swear I listen to more than just videogame OSTs, these songs just jive well with the story and I often find lyrics distracting when brainstorming scenes. Regardless, the music I listen to is such an important part of my creative process and some of these songs really defined the scenes I now have locked in my head. So I figured it was only fair to give them the credit they're due.

I will continue to add to this playlist, and will note in comic updates when one of these songs is applicable!

3K notes · View notes

willowser · 8 days

Text

once you and katsuki discover you're expecting, you agree to keep it to yourselves for a little while.

you can't hide forever, but you want the chance to bask in the excitement of what's to come, together, away from outside eyes prying in. and you do: there's an immediate difference in the way you touch each other, how often, with katsuki even shifting coverage for patrol just so he can cling to your side for an extra day or two. it's like a honeymoon, almost, and you take the time to enjoy it like one.

but of course he wants to tell his parents as soon as he can, though he doesn't outright admit it; as soon as you start pushing the boundary of your waistband, he finds time in his schedule to see his dad—and then mitsuki makes time for him to see her.

katsuki tells toshinori next, who becomes quite emotional at the sight of your ultrasound, which in turn makes katsuki surprisingly emotional, too. there's much that they say and even more that they don't, but it's all communicated, regardless.

and lastly—he has to tell his nerd-ass friends.

it happens on one of their bi-monthly outings—that katsuki has consecutively been skipping for a little while, for obvious reasons. and it's like the minute he sits down in his seat and orders his food and one beer, everything he'd planned to say dissolves in his head.

despite wanting to keep quiet, he's been trying to plot out his announcement to these exact shit heads since the moment you found out. it's just so personal, and even after everything, katsuki's still discovering how to share those parts of his life with others, still coming to terms with the fact that he wants to.

he'd considered doing it slowly, rather than all at once in front of all of them, but he very quickly realized how terrible of a plan that was; deku would not physically be able to contain such knowledge in his body for any period of time, kirishima is a notorious fucking gossip, and if shouto had given him some kind of shit ass, wrinkled-nose look, he would have had to howitzer him through a building.

so he just says it, because he's never really been one for subtlety.

right after everyone's received their food and started to take their first bites, denki makes a point to ask,

"how's things with your honeybun, kacchan?"

and normally he'd have a fit at the nickname, but instead he hears bun and feels his stomach flip like it does when he remembers, when silly little things remind him of what the two of you have made together, and into his food, he simply says,

"we're havin' a baby."

the expected silence falls over all of them, save for the scaping of utensils against katsuki's bowl. he's damn good at feigning nonchalance, but food is getting stuck in his throat and his heart is beating so hard that he can hear it deep in his eardrums. of course he knows, but it dawns on him again, how overrun he is with excitement.

across the table, denki takes his turn to speak again. "you're...what?"

and then the whole room is erupting into a mass of chaos, moving in pieces like a riot of unrefined children, and even though he's being hounded with a million questions and being shaken around by his shoulders and some of these assholes are crying—katsuki graces them all with a big, fat grin.

#hehehehehe #he knows he's playing it up heheheheh #kirishima immediately bursts into happy tears #deku knew something was up already #shouto asks 'on purpose?' and when katsuki sends him a death glare his lips twitch up hehehehe #deku starts crying #denki tries to make a dirty joke to hide his own emotions but when katsuki sends HIM a death glare #the tears do spill over a little bit LOL #✿ thoughts: bakugou #✿ theme: dad bakugou #cw children #cw pregnancy

1K notes · View notes

titenoute · 5 months

Text

Meme redraw OG Rayman prefers to choose kindness whenever he can...

V.2 :

But sometimes, you gotta send a message.

#...that's the second time I draw a relatively pacifist cartoonish character choosing violence in the span of 2 years #and he's purple themed too...kinda #uh #it's not much but it's weird it happened twice #oh well #ramon #rayman #it's been a struggle with those pictures bc guess what #I had to format the computer #and I *thought* I had all my CSP materials backed up in a file #but apparently they changed the placement of the material files without a warning and I didn't back up jack on the cloud #I have a few brushes I had put aside just in case and did well to do so #but all the brush and presets I've created are gone...color palettes included #i am an adult i am not going to cry #back up your material files kids #don't be like me #meme

999 notes · View notes

the-nothing-maker · 1 year

Text

When will gods let you rest

#the legend of zelda #tears of the kingdom #totk #ganondorf #my art #i said i'd draw ganon with his hair down and i am not the kind of guy who backs away from a promise #ANYWAY i am begging BEGGING begging totk to FINALLY let us be allies with ganon #PLEASE please please #own up to your entire 'what if we were more than our destinies' themes in botw !!#reunite the triforce ! destroy demise once and for all ! i am crying shaking i am BEGGING #this would be so good......

3K notes · View notes

3cosmicfrogs · 5 months

Text

"There is love in me the likes of which you've never seen"

809 notes · View notes

synth-spinner · 1 year

Text

And suddenly this tidbit I found on the back of a toy makes me even more insane... I'm going to explode into a million pieces....

#IM GOING TO CRY THERES SO MANY LIKE DILEMMAS AND CHOICES IN THIS GOT DAMN MOVIE.#THE THEME OF LOSS AND INTERNAL BATTLEES AND WHATNOT HELPME ILL CRY IN THE THEATRE AND I WONT BE ABLE TO SEE THE MOVIE #atsv #spiderverse #across the spiderverse

2K notes · View notes

demigods-posts · 2 days

Text

it's no coincidence that zoe died staring at the stars. and no doubt did the stars stare back, offering her a warm welcome and a light to guide her home. it's no coincidence that silena also died staring at the stars. a skylight opening and revealing beckendorf, her guiding light home. but this begs the question. as thalia died atop half-blood hill, was she too staring at the stars? did she long for an end, for the sky to open and the stars to welcome her home like she had always read about? and does she now like awake at night, staring at the stars, long for the peace her newfound immortality has now made inattainable? because i never stopped thinking about it.

#i don't mean to make you guys cry #i just throughly question and analyze the logistics and themes of these characters lives #and then share them with you #so if anything #blame rick 👀#<33 #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo text post #pjo #pjo headcanon #silena beauregard #charlie beckendorf #zoe nightshade #thalia grace

260 notes · View notes

jauntilyplacedcaps · 1 year

Text

#glee #gleeedit #brittany pierce #santana lopez #brittana #2x12 #season 2 #episode: silly love songs #place: mckinley high #place: ohio #duo #purple #blue #brown #theme: touch #theme: crying

13 notes · View notes

brucewaynehater101 · 16 days

Text

AU: Jason has Lazarus Pit effects, but it just plays suitable (or funny) background music to whatever he's experiencing.

#dc comics #dc universe #jason todd #it can also somewhat see the future so Jason knows he's in for some shit when the music suddenly starts being creepy as hell #he always curls into a ball to cry when mitski comes on #jason wants a word with whatever lime juice deity is choosing the music #some people have theme songs (or a song commonly played when they appear/are around that describe them)#he accidentally ate some soap in the shower and “i swallowed shampoo” by soupy garbage juice started up. jason screamed.

252 notes · View notes

climbdraws · 7 months

Text

im so so sick of the infantalizing takes of "this children's media is soooo dark its not for kids!!!" and it's just a millennial recounting scene for scene what happens like this

#FAIRYTALES ARE STORIES MEANT TO TEACH CHILDREN HOW TO DEFEAT THE BOOGEYMAN #NOT PRETENDING THE BOOGEYMAN DOESNT EXIST AT ALL #screaming crying thrashing #im so so sick of it like its the most brainrot take #thinking that children cant understand or be exposed to “darker adult themes” when those themes are just Life #theres an entire genre of youtubers who do nothing but recap scene for scene and go woah?? like thats so dark?? woahhh broooooo #im begging and pleading to bring back 80s dark fantasy

679 notes · View notes

tommykinard6 · 24 days

Text

Should I be eating and resting? Yes. Am I? No, so come join me for a dissertation on Tommy Kinard being lonely.

Edit to add a note since I saw a reblog about it: Tommy has no canonical age right now and Lou is 39, 40 later this year, so that is my basis for saying he’s 39.

Now when I say lonely, I don’t mean that he has no one whatsoever. I can picture him going for drinks with his team or having some Muay Thai buddies that he could call up if he really was inclined. Maybe an old army buddy or two.

But there’s something about Tommy that’s just achingly lonely, both when he was at the 118 and now at Harbor.

Tommy had a broken home, or some other kind of unstable childhood. Maybe his parents split, maybe he was mistreated, maybe he was in the system or was passed around family members. Maybe he was isolated as a child because he was a little overweight (I think Lou said something along those lines) and was bullied. I think Tommy didn’t really have any friends until high school, when puberty hit and maybe he started working out and probably joined the football team. I don’t know if anyone remembers what teenage boys are like, but I can imagine they were the same as they are today back in the 90s/early 00’s. Because around this time, Tommy might’ve started to realize that something was very different about him.

Now this isn’t a meta about how I think Tommy dealt with his sexuality (maybe I’ll do one of those later) but I think he never would’ve risked his football friends knowing even if he himself could acknowledge it, which I doubt. So he messed around, got in trouble with these guys, hung out with the bros, and pretended to be interested in girl talk.

Of course, eventually, his buddies all got girlfriends and he was always the odd one out again.

He didn’t do college. The army was his next step. And I feel like this might have been the first time in his life he wasn’t lonely. He’d learned to blend in by this point and he worked with some great people. But as he started making real friends for the first time, he also started losing them as the war tore them away.

Tommy left the army and joined the fire department. There was an aching hole where the camaraderie of the army had filled previously and with no education beyond a high school diploma, Tommy thought the fire department would replicate that. Not the police though. He’d had enough of guns.

(And ohhhh now so many ideas on his thoughts during the sniper)

But he ended up at the 118 and quickly realized that his team had maybe more of a DADT stance than the army. He realized that he had to put on an elaborate act to fool his fellow firefighters, who had more time on their hands and more prejudice they were willing to wield to pick apart his life. Tommy, who maybe had only just started to acknowledge he felt differently about guys with less panic than before, had no choice but to backslide. He acted and acted and crafted a person he wasn’t until the day that maybe he was. Sal was his closest buddy at the 118 and Tommy had no doubt that Sal would be one of the first to make his life hell. Gerrard seemed to look at Tommy as some sort of mentee. Boxed in by two notorious bigots, Tommy had never felt more claustrophobically alone.

Chim was the first one to reach out a hand of friendship, or at least the first one that didn’t come with caution tape, but he was also an “other” and Tommy, who was confused and afraid and had just had his captain call his bluff on his fake girlfriend, lashed out. Then he allowed Chim in and Chim wasn’t interested in being besties but he was a great drinking buddy and movie buddy and Tommy felt safest around him.

Then Hen came and Tommy watched her get the same treatment he was afraid of. Not that he had to worry about the racism, and he was aware of the privilege, but Hen didn’t exactly hide herself and he watched them bully his lesbian coworker. He let himself get pulled into it all and hated himself for it, but was too cowardly to break away from it. He wasn’t sure why Hen had forgiven him, but she became the only other person on shift he felt even a little safe around other than Howie. But then Chimney and Hen became best friends and Tommy fell to the wayside. They still included him, sure, but they were always a pair and there was something there that Tommy didn’t know but longed for. A closeness he’d never felt.

A best friend. A juvenile idea to him, but one he’d never truly had.

Then Gerrard was gone and Sal got transferred and the 118 moved forward under Captain Nash, but Tommy felt left behind, even in what was the most united A shift team yet. Because he was over 30 and was starting to be unable to ignore everything that he’d had to hide under Gerrard, as he no longer had a distraction from it.

He’d been a pilot in the army, so he transferred to Harbor. And Harbor was great. He wasn’t best buds with anyone (he was starting to think that was never in the cards for him) but his team didn’t carry the same baggage that the 118 had.

So Tommy started to come to terms with himself. He started to date for the first time and came out to his team. And he had several boyfriends, but most couldn’t handle the job or his baggage or the desperate need he had to be wanted. His most long term partner cheated and the one he fell hardest for couldn’t deal when Tommy was injured on the job. Even within his own relationships, he felt like he was destined to stand alone.

Tommy was 39 years old and alone, as always, when Chimney walked back into his life, dragging an adorable and also extremely hot blonde and a stoic brunette that radiated ex military in a way only ex military could know. And then Hen was there and they were trying to rescue their captain and his wife and they clearly loved each other fiercely and like family.

And as Tommy listened, flying through the remnants of a cat 5 hurricane, he thought to himself that he should’ve never left. Simply just never found himself if only that meant being part of the family the 118 was now. However, he knew deep down that he still would’ve been alone and on the outside.

And they rescued the survivors and Tommy thought that was it but then Eddie wanted to hang out. And they liked the same things and had similar experiences and Tommy couldn’t help the hope. Because the loneliness had grown stifling and now he could breathe a little. And then Evan, the cute blonde, wanted a tour of the hanger and he thought that maybe he was being hit on.

And then at the end of it all, Tommy was left realizing that he’d wedged himself between two best friends and that was what happened when he allowed himself to hope. So he went to Evan to apologize. He would get Evan and Eddie to talk to each other and then would fade into the background.

But then Evan was sweet and apologetic and told him that he was part of the 118 family simply by helping them. Tommy couldn’t help it. Here he was, at 39, with a little boy still waiting inside of him to be soothed. And Evan was hot and sweet and Tommy couldn’t help himself.

And he really liked Evan. Evan was adorable. But their first date didn’t go as planned and Tommy knew he was already whipped. So he removed himself before someone could get hurt. Evan deserved better and so did he, even if the loneliness was stifling again.

But then Evan texted him and looked at him with sparkling blue eyes over too sweet coffee and wanted him. Him. He wanted Tommy and to have something with Tommy and he wanted him to come to his sister’s wedding with him.

And Tommy looked at him and saw someone who could finally fill the ache he’d felt his whole life. He saw a man who he knew he wanted to take a chance with. All he had to do was jump.

And he did.

And it wasn’t solved, not immediately and never fully. Too many wounds were left gaping for too long to ever heal. But for the first time in his life, at 39, with the 118 surrounding him and Buck as the sunshine at his side, Tommy finally felt at peace.

363 notes · View notes