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hayatheauthor · 1 year

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How To Write And Research Mental Illnesses

Mental illnesses are a large aspect of literature often incorporated into various different genres. However, even with their prevalence, many authors are often unaware of how to write about mental illnesses accurately. If you’re an author writing a character with a mental illness, here are some tips on how to write with mental illnesses.

Don’t ‘Self Diagnose’ Your Characters

When writing about mental illnesses it’s important to consider whether or not your character would realistically have this mental illness given their situation and story. Many authors often ‘self diagnose’ their characters without actually taking the time to research these illnesses and figure out whether their character would develop this illness if they were a real person.

I say ‘self diagnose’ because as authors we generally do diagnose our characters based on our own interpretations and plans for them and their story, without looking to real people with these illnesses.

Just because your character is going through an unproductive slump doesn’t mean they they are depressed. Just because your character is nervous and experiencing stage fright doesn’t mean they have anxiety.

Take the time to look into these mental illnesses and genuinely consider whether or not your character has a mental illness, or if you’re just self diagnosing and wrongly labelling them.

Do Your Research

Whenever I blog about such sensitive topics, I always find myself ultimately mentioning this one point. This is because even with so many resources available to us both online and offline, writers still choose to be blissfully unaware of sensitive topics mentioned in their WIPs or stories.

I sincerely cannot stress how important it is for a writer to do their due diligence and research the topics they write for, especially if it is something as sensitive as mental illnesses.

Once you have established that your character would realistically develop or undergo a mental illness given the situation they are in, it is now time to research what exactly they would go through.

A simple google search can tell you everything you need to know about your character’s mental illness. Or, you could reach out to people you know who suffer from the same illness and ask them questions about it.

Researching your character’s mental illness helps ensure you don’t accidentally misrepresent that illness or create symptoms that are inaccurate and insulting to people who do suffer from that mental illness. It will also provide you with a sense of ease as an author, and allow you to work on your WIP without having to worry about accidentally offending an entire community.

Remember The Three Ss

One of the biggest challenges writers face with writing with mental illnesses is unrealistic representation. Unsure where to start with your research? Here is a simple guide for you to keep in mind.

When writing about mental illnesses, you need to recall the three Ss:

Symptoms

Side effects

Stages

Symptoms

Every illness or disease has its own symptoms, the same applies to mental illnesses. When writing about a character with mental illnesses, you need to take the time to research the symptoms of this illness and how these symptoms can impact your character on a day-to-day and general level.

For example, a character with PTSD would face trouble sleeping and concentrating, would be irritable, angry and face overwhelming guilt or shame. These symptoms can all make it hard for a person to excel at school or the workplace and can lead to delayed deadlines, unfinished work, and a lot of stress and anxious thinking.

A character with PTSD would likely not be able to handle being at the top of their class, unless they completely engross themselves in their studies to the point where they can’t think of anything except that. However, if that were the case then they would find it very hard to handle ‘normal’ situations and wouldn’t be getting a lot of sleep.

Side Effects

A side effect is a temporary and commonly unwanted effect of a drug or medical condition. Unlike a symptom, a side effect can be harmful or beneficial and most go away on their own over time.

They wouldn’t be considered as ‘serious’ as a symptom, however, they can still significantly impact your character, their story, and their dynamics with the characters they interact with.

Following the above example, a character with PTSD would generally suffer from an inability to develop or maintain positive, healthy interpersonal relationships and an inability to trust others. They also often face side effects such as social isolation, chronic feelings of fear, etc.

These are all side effects that would make it hard for a character with PTSD to maintain emotional relationships. You can use this to portray their sudden lack of connection with friends and family, and how they find themselves only associating with people who have either been through or understand their situation.

Stages

A person with cancer, or other such physical illnesses, doesn’t suddenly hit a chronic level overnight. The same logic applies to mental illnesses. Mental illnesses don’t just develop overnight. Your character won’t suddenly wake up one day in chapter ten and have a full-blown panic attack because they developed a panic disorder.

Yes, people can face symptoms or side effects pertaining to a mental illness after facing a traumatic event. However, when writing about such events, it’s very important to do your research and consider whether or not a person would realistically undergo such serious symptoms in such a small timeframe given the circumstances.

Outside of incidents that are a direct result of a traumatic event, it’s important to consider the stages your character would experience as a result of their mental illness.

For example, a person with PTSD goes through five stages, the first being the impact or emergency stage, during which they struggle to process or deal with the situation they have gone through. Then comes the denial or numbing stage.

Following the above example, a numbing stage would be akin to when a character pretends the traumatic event never occurred and throws themselves into their work or school. Then comes a rescue stage, which would be when other characters begin to intervene or when the character comes to terms with the events and starts to better themselves.

Knowing the stages of your character’s mental illness allows you to accurately plan out what happens in your story and create a realistic portrayal of their suffrage. It also helps flesh out your story for your readers and allows you to seamlessly incorporate your character’s illness into the story.

Don’t Define Them By Their Mental Illness

Now that you have a general idea of how to write and research mental illnesses, I would like to end this blog post with a small reminder. People with mental illnesses are human. They have personalities, hobbies, likes, dislikes, and other such traits that often have nothing to do with their mental illness.

When writing with a mental illness, it’s important to take this into account and ensure you don’t constantly define your character by their mental illness, or even worse, reduce them to their mental illness.

I hope this blog on how to write and research mental illnesses will help you in your writing journey. Be sure to comment any tips of your own to help your fellow authors prosper, and follow my blog for new blog updates every Monday and Thursday.

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks?

Are you an author looking for writing tips and tricks to better your manuscript? Or do you want to learn about how to get a literary agent, get published and properly market your book? Consider checking out the rest of Haya’s book blog where I post writing and marketing tools for authors every Monday and Thursday.

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arealphrooblem · 1 year

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Mutually Assured Destruction Pt 2

THANK YOU SO MUCH to the huge response to this, I never expected that being so new to this circle of writers. I squealed at every like and reblog and comment.

Synopsis: Villain x Civilian. Civilian can sense other people's powers through auras but hides this ability. They are terrified of the most boring person at their office job, who hides the most powerful aura Civilian has ever felt.

Part 1 here. Tagging @heroes-villains-side-blog and @follow-me-into-the-fog

The taqueria was dimly lit with Formica tables and brightly colored murals of vaguely Mexican landscapes, which meant the tacos were obscenely good.

Civilian tried hard not to be grateful as they bit into their taco as delicately as they could, their fingers stained with the mess of the previous taco. Jonathan’s tacos, on the other hand, had remarkable structural integrity and did not break once.

“How are you doing that?” they blurted out.

Jonathan raised an eyebrow as he dotted away taco grease with his napkin. “Doing what?”

“Your tacos don’t fall apart. How?”

“Perhaps that’s my power.” He smirked.

Civilian rolled their eyes, trying not to let the spike in their heart rate show on their face. So caught up in the surrealness of a dinner date, they had almost forgotten just what a precarious position they were in.

In fact, despite the blatant coercion to be here, this did not rank as the worst date Civilian ever had. Not even in the top ten. Jonathan paid for dinner, fetched napkins and extra beer, and allowed Civilian the space to quietly freak out while he ate in contented silence.

“I’ve never had a taco shell that didn’t break in my entire life, so I almost believe you.”

He gives them that same calculating stare he did in the elevator. “You’re not curious about what I can do?”

“No.” (A lie).

“Really? Not even a little?”

“I think knowing would make it worse.” (The truth).

Just knowing his aura has garnered too much attention as it was.

He smirked. “Afraid if you knew, I’d never let you go?”

Hearing their deepest fear voiced aloud caused a dizzy swoop in their gut. It wasn’t just Jonathan Civilian had to worry about. If anyone knew their true power, they would be a target to the Agency, to other villains, to the government. They could kiss their freedom goodbye.

Being “courted” by Jonathan was the least of their worries, and yet it meant the the threat of their freedom as a constant presence. If there was a chance Civilian could talk their way out of this arrangement, they had to take it.

Civilian swallowed. “You’re not actually serious about this, right? This fake dating thing?”

“Of course I’m serious.” He leaned forward across the table and Civilian unconsciously mirrored him. “I have certain plans in place. You are the one person who could disrupt them.”

“The last thing I want is to get involved with whatever the hell it is you’re doing,” Civilian hissed. “I’m not a hero.”

“There’s no way I can know right now that with any certainty. And so, until I do, you will have a very dedicated and considerate partner.”

Civilian bit back a groan as they imagined the kind of gossip this sudden relationship would inspire, especially since Civilian tried so hard to avoid Jonathan before. Wait a second . . .

“HR doesn’t allow workplace relationships,” they said triumphantly. “They would fire us.”

The corner of his mouth twitched, as if he found Civilian’s protests amusing. “That rule only bans relationships between superiors and the people that work under them. It doesn’t apply to us. Don’t worry, I will file our relationship with HR tomorrow morning since tonight marks our first date.”

Shit damn fuck. Civilian could protest the relationship or they could report Jonathan to HR for stalking or harassment but that only puts a target on Civilian’s back for his retaliation. He could kill them or worse -- report them.

Mutually assured destruction.

Jonathan drains the rest of his beer before nodding to Civilian’s unfinished food.

“Let me get you a to-go box and we shall be on our way, then?”

He drove them back to the parking garage at work and walked Civilian to their car. Civilian wasted no time getting their keys out, gripped by the sudden fear that perhaps Jonathan would reconsider letting them walk free.

And indeed when his hand darted out and gripped their door before it could shut, Civilian’s heart leaped in their throat.

“You’re going to leave before our goodnight kiss?” he asked, his gaze expectant and serious.

“What?” Civilian choked.

He held that stare for a moment before an evil smirk broke across his face.

“The look on your face. I should be insulted at how abhorrent the thought is to you. Goodnight, Civilian. I will see you in the morning.”

A threat and a promise.

Civilian feels the weight of his stare all the way out to the streets.

Part Three Here

#my writing #not a prompt #mutually assured destruction #civilian x villain #villain x civilian #hero x villian #villain x hero #now with fake dating!

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cadmium-free · 9 months

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I’ve been thinking a lot about critique, especially in the context of the art school, and where it succeeds and where it fails the artist.

So much of the critique we are taught to give, expect, and receive happens when something is finished. You present a fully rendered piece of work in front of the classroom for judgment. You’ve been taught never to just say, I like it, It conveys its message, It’s lovely, because that’s not “actionable” feedback. And instead the piece is combed over for flaws, because pointing out a flaw is “actionable”.

But it’s not actually always very helpful, is it? It demoralizes the uncertain learner. And the piece is finished, so any critiques may never be applied. There is no guarantee in the modern conception of the art school that you ever work on another assignment that you can apply the critique. Did you learn anything, other than to be terrified of flaws? What was subjective and objective? Did you learn to hone your own critical eye to your own art, or simply to fear that you’re missing something?

I think, so often, of the students crying in the halls after, during critique. And of all the people who hate critiques. Critique is such a beautiful part of the art making process, but most of us do not understand how to apply it, when to apply it, why to apply it, or what it really is.

Critique of the final work is useful. I think in some ways, that critique is most valuable to the viewer, to understand what they’re looking at, why and how the art works or does not, to ask questions. All critique has its place. But critique during the process of making, that’s the most powerful critique as an artist. It’s also the critique the fewest people have access to. You have to be in the classroom or the confidence of an artist to be allowed into the incredibly intimate and vulnerable critique space. It’s this extreme show of trust. It’s this precious thing, opportunity, skill, that I think the art school squanders by prioritizing the end of project group critique.

Really, there is nothing more valuable than learning how to talk about your work unfinished, and, as an artist, learning how to ask questions about your work in progress. Not simply putting your work out there for judgment, but to ask questions about all the things you’re puzzling over. Learning to present the uncertainty, wondering where your piece is going to go next. You might forge this relationship with some trusted friends. People with taste, eyes, instinct you trust.

Maybe this post is just a love letter to the in progress critique. Maybe I want people to be free to just say, I like it, It conveys its message, It’s lovely, because sometimes you need to hear that before you really dig in. Maybe I want people to learn to critique positively, focusing on what is working now and trying to figure out together how to highlight that and improve on it to show off your strengths. I don’t know. I’m stewing in my thoughts. I’m sad for the students crying in the halls. But I’m in love with every person who I trust to critique my work, that gently mould the goopy raw bits of my heart I give them to pick at.

#i don't think this is coherent but i'm posting it anyways #if i ever write this properly it'll go on cohost not here lmao #text #meandering thoughts

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greenboyfriend · 2 months

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༺♡༻ reading compulsion ༺♡༻

I had the sudden compulsion to do a reading! and man, whoever you are, you sure are impatient. there's this energy of like OK OK COME ON COME ON LETS GO going on that may be you, or maybe sprit, as well. it depends who you are. this may apply to multiple people.

as always, listen to your intuition. if something doesn't resonate for you, don't force it.

image source: forest // image source: stars heading // image source: white hemming heading

Temperance, Judgment reversed, eight of wands reversed, two of swords, page of cups reversed, Wheel of Fortune reversed, page of pentacles reversed

(since there's not enough colors for all the cards.. judgement will be in whatever color ur theme is set to lol)

this feels like a timed thing. you're being asked to take action, *now*. maybe this is the vibe you're already giving off, or that of your spirit guides.. for most of you, it's your guides.

this isn't a run of the mill opportunity, either, which I think is why spirit is so persistent about this. the wheel of fortune is all about fate, destiny, and luck. you might have been presented, or will be presented, with some sort of chance encounter (that may have to do with friendship or romance). and um... well, you really better get on it!!!

you probably are not however. but not all is lost! this seems like a stepping stone, part of a bigger lesson to be learned; moving from one way of being into another. it also seems like this opportunity will have to do with self forgiveness. right now, you're intentionally closing yourself off, and pretending not to see the signs. stop doing that!!! this is no time for hesitation! rush into that decision, make your move! strike while the iron's hot-- and let me tell you-- that iron's HOT!!!!!

in doing this, you will experience a rebirth. not like, in a gross way, but in a really nice, happy way! you'll see everything differently, especially yourself. what you really need to do is to listen to your intuition. what are you naturally drawn towards? before you overthought it, what was the thing you were like, "oh, yeah, that makes sense" about? or are you using this as an excuse to choose not to choose?!?!

***for some of you, a lot of this knowledge may come from your dreams. remember them. this seems very important!***

if you're worried about where to start, begin by taking a deep breath. no matter what happens, know that, just by trying, you are in good hands! it may help you to be trusting in others, as well, and accept them at their word. I always find that walking in nature gets me more in tuned with my intuition, and makes me feel more grounded.

however this event manifests, im feeling that it will be luck based. it might also be the "finale" of something, or maybe you're resolving unfinished business. you've just really gotta do it, dude. your future self will thank you. even if you think that's impossible!

it might also be something you've been working towards, or have been thinking about on the backburner. it's like the "missing puzzle piece" you've been searching for. there may also be a call to action too-- often, there are multiple, and one of them might be this reading itself. so, hi!

ur also going to unburden yourself, especially when it comes to self forgiveness. releasing griefs and sorrows.

here are some things that may resonate with you as well:

doorbell rings, competing, wicked, "ren", ramen (ramen actually spilled all fucking over my cards and desk and fucking everything while doing this!!), impatience, generosity, people, 14, candle, sweet

hope this was useful! good luck out there soldier!

#tarot #tarotblr #tarot reading #tarotcommunity #tarot cards #spirituality #spiritual #witchblr #divination

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clairelsonao3 · 9 months

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Themes and Tropes Tag

I was tagged by @tabswrites whose post is here! How did you know I go absolutely feral for anything having to do with tropes? Maybe the title of my blog? In any case, thank you! I'll even link you to the correct pages on TV Tropes for each one, because I have the official names for a lot of these memorized, and actually had a list of almost 100 going at one point and how they applied to my work; that's how obsessed I am. After all, you have to know the tropes before you can subvert them, right? (See #15).

RULES: Look back on your work, both past and present, finished and unfinished. What are five to ten fifteen narrative elements or tropes that continuously pop up in your work?

Everything in italics is courtesy of TV Tropes.

1. All Girls Want Bad Boys - ...the Troubled, but Cute youth with a tragic past is a woobie needing comfort; he's tough enough to be a girl's protector, but vulnerable enough to need her as well...

Usually applies to my male characters.

2. The Charmer - The Jack-the-Lad. Cocky, cheeky and devil-may-care, he's the type of guy you can't help but like, even as he's wrapping you around his little finger.

Usually also applies to my male characters.

3. The Determinator -There is no stopping the Determinator. They do not understand tact. They do not Know When to Fold 'Em, and it's a waste of time to tell them the odds. No one can reason with them. No price is too great to pay for success, up to and including their own life.

Usually applies to my female characters, especially when they're rushing to help and/or save the:

6. Distressed Dude - Meet the Spear Counterpart of the Damsel in Distress.

When the Bad Boy Charmer gets himself into trouble he can't charm his way out of, he becomes this. A lot of whump writing is this taken up to 11, and my own work is no exception. I also use Damsel in Distress, but not quite as often.

7. Uptown Girl - Our lovers are from different worlds — one wealthy, one not.

My first novel and Good Slaves Never Break the Rules played this pretty much straight. In the case of The Adored (which actually references Gatsby) the wealthy character is actually the antagonist of sorts, and the MC is the "normal" middle-class girl who has to make her not-wealthy love interest see the light.

This is often a jumping-off point to explore larger, Gatsbyesque themes related to money, class, fame, wealth, and corruption (see also: Was it All Worth It/Rags to Riches), and after the characters have learned their lessons, usually ultimately leads us to:

8. Standard Hero Reward -- This relates to #7 and by definition it's a spoiler, so I'll say no more. (Sometimes it's played straight, sometimes lampshaded/subverted).

9. Xanatos Speed Chess -- Some characters have an amazing gift not only for making The Plan but for revising it whenever new circumstances arise. See also: Zany Scheme.

Or maybe I've just performed in too many musical comedies.

10. Unresolved (often also Belligerent) Sexual Tension - Two people are obviously attracted to each other, but some element of the story is keeping them apart. See also: Mutual Pining/Idiots in love/Will They or Won't They?

11. Dark and Troubled Past - Something terrible happened to a character; some tragic event in their past that shaped a fundamental level of their personality. Long after the event is over, it still has a powerful influence on the character's life.

Chances are if one my characters is important enough to have a past at all, there's probably something terrible in it.

12. Deadpan Snarker - A character prone to gnomic, sarcastic, sometimes bitter, occasionally whimsical asides.

My main characters MUST have a sense of humor, and it's usually this kind.

13. The Chessmaster -- Chessmasters tug at their strings of influence, patiently move their pieces into places that often seem harmless or pointless until the trap is closed.

I tend to often make my villains and/or antiheroes some variation of this, and no matter how evil they are, they almost always have a:

14. Freudian Excuse -- ...writers may keep the villain (especially The Sociopath) just as vile as before, but reveal that they have a reason for being that way.

(Hint: It's usually their parents).

And finally, this brings us to the most important trope of all:

15. Lampshading -- ... the writers' trick of dealing with any element of the story that threatens the audience's Willing Suspension of Disbelief, whether a very implausible plot development or a particularly blatant use of a trope, by calling attention to it and simply moving on.

In other words, you can get away with using the same tropes over and over and over again, as long as you do it with a wink and a nod at the readers.

I could keep going on this forever, but instead, I'll gently tag:

@i-can-even-burn-salad @janec23 @mysticstarlightduck @rickie-the-storyteller @writingforjoy

#tag game #tropes #tropes and themes #tropes and themes tag game #tv tropes #writeblr #my writing

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faithfromanewperspective · 10 months

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you are my unfinished business: prologue

so i did a thing! i'm still figuring out a03 so i hope the link works:

or read the prologue here! below the cut. just wanted to thank @ibrushmyteeth-donttellanyone for the initial inspo behind it, as well as convos with @thevagabondexpress and @daisymydaisycarstairs and @luciehercndale for helping me realise what i could contribute by actually posting the fic i half wrote while procrastinating my thesis that ended up being longer than my actual thesis

more notes on why i wrote it etc on the a03 site, but hope it can be something someone more than just me finds healing so here goes:

p r o l o g u e

Christopher Lightwood was a scientist, and he observed things. When he was a child he had observed his uncle Henry in his laboratory mixing things together, and was first struck by conviction: I am meant to be doing that. He loved the feeling of invention, the feeling of possibility and wonder. He loved how he could lose himself in a method, in the tedious steps that together would make up a new way of putting the universe together and yield results no one had ever seen before. Of course, often the thing no one had seen before was just different coloured explosions. He supposed someone else might grow impatient with the lack of results, but Kit had never felt that. He found that doing nothing new was the most frustrating experience of all, and after all, he had started his scientific career by knocking down a wall in the Fairchilds’ house. And that was just the first of what some might consider failures. He had a lot of experience with patience.

Yet the summer had brought something new to him: an invention that had not only worked, but saved countless lives, including his own. He wasn’t one to relish praise like Matthew, but the satisfaction of having made a difference warmed his soul. It quietened his worries when he wondered if he should spend more time in the training room like the other Shadowhunters. He had a purpose, and a useful one at that. And being recognised was just the cherry on top.

Christopher thought suddenly of the event that had prompted his need to use his interest in science to help others. It was a fuzzy memory, but he had recalled it so many times over the years that he was sure he remembered the important parts. It was when he first realised the world could be a cruel place where pain wasn’t so easily fixed. It was when he had learned his cousin Jesse had died. He remembered the twisting of his stomach at the sound of the pain in his father and his uncle Gideon’s voices; he remembered his father’s sobs when he spoke of how his aunt Tatiana wouldn’t let them do anything to comfort her, but instead withdrawn, cold, bitter and vengeful. Christopher hadn’t known what that meant at the time, having only known kindness. But that had been years ago. In the last four months especially he’d applied his observational mind to people—since James had been in love and he hadn’t known it—and now he fancied himself almost as good at reading people as his sister Anna.

And he saw a trace of that bitterness in James.

It was ironic, really, how in the end his inventions had helped Jesse. Christopher was still reeling from the shock he felt when the green-eyed boy sitting next to Lucie in the Institute had introduced himself as Jesse Blackthorn. And when Lucie had pulled him aside after the meeting with all their aunts and uncles, and confessed she’d lied to him about making a beauty potion and all the ingredients she’d asked for had been for Jesse. And whatever she’d done had been successful: she’d brought him back to life. Or he apparently hadn’t been properly dead to begin with? Christopher longed to investigate how that could be possible.

But now his attention was on James. He’d come straight to Curzon Street when Lucie’s letter had arrived at the Fairchilds’ London house where he and Thomas had been further working on his fire messaging project. James had just received the second semi-successful fire message ever and Christopher longed to gush about that with his friend. When he was passionate about something he could talk about it through a fire or a demon attack—he’d done both on multiple occasions—but the words died on his tongue at the look on James’ face answering the door. Instead, he’d simply taken note of the doily he'd destroyed and stumbled over his words and now they were upstairs in the armchairs in James and Cordelia’s study. He felt the familiar ache in his chest he associated with conflict between the brothers closest to his heart. And he’d messed up already: James thought he and Thomas had done this simply for information, like he and Math were some sort of science project they needed to collect data for. Christopher couldn’t have James think of their friendship like that.

“It’s not like that—” Angel, no matter how much attention he’d paid it since the summer, talking about feelings was much more delicate a tool than any he had worked with—“we’re the Merry Thieves, one for all, and all for one—”

“I think that’s the Three Musketeers,” James interrupted, and was Christopher imagining it or did his shoulders relax ever so slightly? Maybe it was wishful thinking, book references usually cheered James up, but now…

“There were four musketeers, if you count D’Artagnan.” He didn’t even know why James looked so awful, but failing to think about a metaphor long enough to figure out its relevance was a bad sign. Christopher vaguely heard James say his name, exasperated, as he took a breath to calm his thoughts and approach the issue more directly.

“We’ve never had a fight,” he began. Saying it out loud felt like announcing some very important science was no longer at their disposal: the age of blissful childhood was over, and now they had to join the real world where happiness was sparse and time or money spent on anything had to be accounted for. Still, he forced himself to keep going. “I mean, none of us with each other, at least nothing serious. If you’ve had a falling-out with Math—” he knew he was diving into unknown territory now, a project that couldn’t be solved by science and magic, but who would he be if he didn’t try? He felt his voice lower to a whisper, “we want to help repair it. We need each other, especially now.”

“Oh, Kit.” James shut his eyes and shifted in his seat, before suddenly relaxing again as if he’d thought of getting up and decided against it. “Math and I are not at each other’s throats. It’s not like that. Nor are either of us angry with Cordelia, or she with us. Things between us are just—” he put his face in his hands for a moment then opened his eyes again— “complicated.”

“We need Cordelia too,” Christopher said, and then they were talking about Belial and Lilith again like they were ordinary Shadowhunters trying to protect their city and the ones they loved. James still looked haunted when he talked about Jesse—Christopher still found it hard to believe his enigmatic cousin was alive, he’d met him, all thanks to Lucie—but he managed to get up to write some messages. Even if he didn’t share Christopher’s enthusiasm for the opportunity to utilise his fire messaging project, their banter felt almost normal. Still, Christopher had arrived with something to do, and he was going to properly attempt that conversation. The way he hadn’t had a chance to ask Thomas about the letter he’d written to Alastair when the two of them had come to see him and explain it yesterday morning, but the way he thought he had gotten across to Grace that she hadn’t been forgotten when he went to see her immediately after. He wanted to show that kind of friendship to James, too.

“Why are you writing to Lucie and Jesse?” James asked. Christopher stopped writing mid-sentence and stared at him. Had he done something wrong? “I’m staying at the Institute,” James clarified. “I have to head over before sunset, I’m just here to get my things.”

“Oh, I can help with that,” Christopher said. He quickly sent the unfinished letter to the Institute as a fire message (after all, none of them had stayed complete when they arrived, so why should they need to start complete?) before James could complain about him setting fires in his house, and started on a letter to Cordelia and Alastair. James stared at him but turned back to his writing once the flames were gone. Christopher decided it wouldn’t do any harm to let the rest of the messages be taken by runners instead.

“All done,” he said to James, who took the pile of letters and went to find some coins. Then, remembering his previous offer, he added, “What do you need for the Institute? Socks? Books? Spectacles?”

“I’ll do—” James broke off, then ran his free hand through his hair as he turned around to look at Kit. “You’re right, Kit. You know me. And right now I can’t even find any—I’ll have to ask Effie—” he sighed and closed his eyes. “Thank you, Kit. I’m sorry. I’ve been so rude and you’ve been so kind, coming over and offering to help.”

Kit was already scanning the room for James’ favourites, he swept them into a pile on the table next to his reading glasses and their discarded ink and notepaper. James was still rummaging through the drawers, for money apparently, Christopher reaching into his pocket and added a shilling to the pile.

“James, it’s okay. I’ve got it all here.” He held up the coin and tried desperately to think of what his mother would say. “I know you’d appreciate it, that’s what friends are for. And you weren’t rude, not really, well if you were it just means—” James was staring at him now, not even bothering to close the drawer he was looking in. “I just wanted to know if you’re okay. And I can see that you’re not, and I wish you would let us help, but we can’t unless you’d tell me why.” There. He’d said it, and he thought he hadn’t done too badly. Christopher smiled a little to himself: a success was still a success, no matter how dire the circumstances.

“I’ve done something awful,” said James. “I’ve hurt Cordelia—why couldn’t I just tell her I loved her as soon as I knew? And I’ve failed Matthew and hurt him too in my negligence. He’s suffered so much—I had no idea just how bad it was until now—and I now have a chance to make it up to him. But the prospect of doing that all alone, without Daisy—”

“You won’t ever be alone, James, you have Tom and I and Anna and Lucie and Daisy does care about you as a friend at the very least. Shall I carry this downstairs?”

James nodded blankly and Christopher noted the hunch in his shoulders as he turned to exit the room. He shouted some things to Effie and thanked her for taking care of the house before turning to Kit.

“Thank you. It is easy to forget sometimes. I am lucky, I suppose. But Daisy, I don’t know if I could ever go back to seeing her as a friend only, or if I ever did, Kit, I don’t know how to assume how all-consuming it is and you don’t have to understand it, I know you’ve never been in love but I hope when you are that it isn’t nearly so complicated—Kit, have you been in love?”

Christopher thought of the Curies, a couple in love he’d longed to one day live up to, which made him think about his purpose and the science that he did. It really made his soul feel complete, but James wasn’t talking about being in love with the life he lived, but someone. He thought suddenly of Grace reading his notes and wondered—but wasn’t Grace in love with James, and him her? People could change, he supposed, but hadn’t James said he never saw Cordelia as a friend or had Christopher put his words together wrong, like he did sometimes?

“You’re not in love with Grace then?”

“No, by the Angel, not Grace, I can’t believe—” He broke off again and Kit noticed the panic in his voice. He shuffled his pile of James’ belongings into one hand and reached out awkwardly to touch his friend’s shoulder. “It’s okay, we’ll work it out, I know you can do what you need to do and I know that I believe in you every step of the way, it might take several attempts but things work out alright eventually.” He thought that was something Henry would say to him in context of laboratory experiments but it was all the same wasn’t it?

As if James’ arms, which had been frozen at his sides, were suddenly released from a spell, he reached up to hug Christopher. “You and Tom always know what to do. You’ve been keeping Math and I in line long before we knew we needed it. You’ve always believed in us far too much.”

Christopher would take these words to heart when he saw Thomas with Alastair in the library. Life and love were complex, but they would work it out. And when Grace confessed to him and Cordelia, she said it was because of his simple belief in her to be able to put things right she had been able to do it. Maybe it was possible to combine more than just science and magic. Maybe he could expand his purpose in life: after all, what good was the work he did to help others without friendship to be able to reach the people he wanted to help to start with, and find people he could make discoveries with to be an even better scientist?

#chain of thorns #the last hours #james herondale #cordelia carstairs #alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood #christopher lightwood #lucie herondale #matthew fairchild #grace blackthorn #neurodivergence and mental health in fiction

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likeabxrdinflight · 7 months

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things I have learned from posting a 5+ chapter long fic on ao3 include but are not limited to:

Subscription emails can and do get lost or fail to send.

Don't update on Saturdays. Everyone and their mom is uploading on Saturdays. You will be buried so fast.

This probably applies to Fridays too but I have yet to upload on a Friday so...unclear.

Popular fandoms generate more views by default, but are also oversaturated with content.

Not every chapter will get comments. The people are fickle. Don't overthink it- you probably don't comment on every chapter update of your faves either.

That said, kudos kind of annoy me. Not the fact that people are liking the fic, obviously, but I feel like they serve as a stand-in for comments sometimes, especially where on sites like ff.net that didn't have a "like" feature, people might have left a review.

Speaking of, I miss the ff.net stats pages. They were objectively better for actually tracking readership.

Views and engagement will probably jump a lot when the fic is finally marked as completed. Every one-shot I've ever posted had like immediate, fast engagement, views in the hundreds or thousands right away. There's an obvious bias for completed works and honestly...I don't blame anyone for that. We've all been burned by unfinished wips, we've all burned our audiences with unfinished wips. Don't worry about it.

You won't finish the story if you don't want to see the ending. You have got to be intrinsically motivated on some level.

That is my wisdom.

#why am I posting this instead of working on internship applications you ask?#because shut up

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golbrocklovely · 1 year

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You’d figure if he really had the answer to great editing that they would be winning editing and cinematography awards but they’re not. They’re always nominated for simply being a duo. They have single camera usage with low quality sound because you can never hear when they type “listen”, weird unfinished cuts, grainy imagery at times, no drone footage, reused stock footage, loud score music, over the top jump scares, rushed scenes that seem misplaced. Nowhere in that will he get nominates for any award at any film festival. And for someone who claims to love editing because he has many times on snap, xplrclub, twitter, he sure struggles with it a lot almost as if he DOESNT know what hes doing. I like their content but his insistence in micromanaging aggravates me and reminds me of Shmelton Shmastee.

If he wants it to be an apprenticeship like you said, make that into a xplrclub contest win, get an exclusive one on one class on editing with Sam Golbach. Doing this to already professionals is such a slap in the face. And we thought the notes he showed on his snap story last time were bad but 20pgs!!! The apprentice caption worried me because usually apprenticeships aren’t paid or paid after a certain amount of hours. They’ve never said how much it pays, if its remote, if they provide benefits, if this is entry level or advanced yet he’s already dictating their work? Other creators do list everything out there, i’ve seen postings for some streamers and even youtubers on industry websites.

He better not try to sale this as another money grab because i see people in the fandom always convincing them to film and sale everything they touch and i can very easily see his ego get inflated by this.

something that i have always noticed, especially when snc are in a time crunch, is that's when they try to pull out all the stops and do something new with their editing. and it now makes so much more sense to me when i realize that all of the weird edits usually boil down to sam and his…. ideas lol

that's not to say that colby is some fantastic editor. god knows he has his fuck ups too.

either way, i think the thing that pisses me off most about all of this is just that both of their parts are crucial to the editing process, but sam is the one that bitches about it the most and makes it seem as if he is doing all of it at once. like his part is complicated, i have no doubt it is, but clearly if he is constantly running into the issue that a) he can't train someone to do what he does or b) it is taking so long to find an editor…. maybe the issue is him, and not the crazy genius work he is doing lol

and hilariously that you mention mr. L10 bc me and @xplrvibes were saying the same thing sksksk

and while i do keep saying that at this point they should just hire a fan to edit their content, i'm only really saying that out of convenience and not bc i think it would be the best idea out there. turning it into a contest might end up badly, and also using a fan could actually become a shit show bc you would have to make sure they are trustworthy enough to not leak anything or freak out at the mere amount of interactions they would have to have with snc. also god knows this fandom would throw some form of a hissy fit about a fan winning a chance to be their editor…. it would just be messy.

however, if there was a "fan" out there that had at least some background knowledge of after effects, then that might be their best bet. it would make more sense to hire someone that knows the program but isn't really an editor since clearly sam doesn't want someone that has their own style of editing and will just copy what he does.

and they probably hide all of the details away just so they can weed out the fans that probably applied for the sake of wanting to talk to snc or whatever weird bs. realistically, it would probably be remote, possibly entry level or a bit above (depending on how much prior experience they are looking for) and little to no benefits. maybe i'm wrong tho, so don't take my word for it lol

as for his 20 pages, i would pay a solid dollar to read whatever shit he wrote out. but highkey i don't think anyone in the fandom will ever see those 20 pages unless snc plan to hire them. but please, sage samuel, tell me of the ways to edit your finest spooky videos. i must know how you do it lmaooo

#ask #personal #sam golbach

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alyjojo · 2 months

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Sagittarius Yearly Career & Finance Reading 🪖 2024

Preshuffle: You’re onto something new without caring much about what’s left unfinished with something old, and you could meet resistance because of that. You don’t care about whatever it is you’re leaving behind, you’re just going towards something that you feel is your path with The Star. Let the details work themselves out, you’re unbothered.

Meditation: I’m getting 5 Swords behavior. Your door looked normal, but when zoomed in closely with some mega-magnifier, there you were, the size of an ant, wearing a gladiator helmet and stabbing the other ant-sized people around you. People are bleeding out and you’re laughing like it’s a game, making “SK SK SK” noises every time you stabbed someone. It was like you felt it wasn’t real, and you paid no attention to anyone lying down, hurt, just the next opponent dumb enough to “come get some”.

Main Energy: The Devil

Clarified by The Moon. Whew 😅 we’re going there today, okay then. Together, The Devil and The Moon show a relationship that’s toxic af, which may play into this with love idk. For the self, this is temptation, materialism, “the 7 deadly sins”, addictions & toxicity that is unknown or unseen, could be secretive and purposefully hidden, or unaware to you entirely. Whether it’s you or someone else, maybe a work thing, maybe how you spend money, this can go a million ways, but somehow applies to your whole year…that’s intense. The first Oracle being Risk shows it’s probably you for most, at least some part of it. Innovation & Habits give me cause to think you’re going to start waking up to some of the toxic bs that holds you back, especially if it’s your own habits, behaviors, and belief systems, because you can’t control others (though The Devil will try), you *can* remove yourself from them, if you’re seeing it in others as well. For having this card as the main, I would hope to see more swords, The Sun or Strength, these are what conquers this sort of gaslighting energy…but no dice, not yet. If this is someone else - then they are not who you think they are. More than one even. Several? Your career? Your family? Your perception of…everything? Depends on how deep this goes for you & your situation. Spirit wants me to write out “Risk”. And that anything you have to hide, sneak, or keep quiet, is probably toxic. There’s keeping some things private and then there’s this bs, it’s two different levels. For some, fear keeps you trapped to a cycle of toxicity or is the cause, and paranoia could be what makes your decisions, relationships, career, all of them.

Risk: Be aware or you will have to beware. Do not deny the risk and hazards that you see.

January: Knight of Wands & Temperance

Oracles: Endurance

Zodiac Signs: Heavy Sagittarius, Scorpio

You seem to want romance, that’s what’s on your mind, but you’re busy doing other things. Or you’re hyped up and passionate but are *trying* to give yourself some time to think because you go back and forth on what it is you actually want. If you’re with someone, you could be working a lot, they are, there’s not much time spent together…and you want them like crazy but life is a heavy burden at the moment and there’s nothing you can do about it. Endurance is laser focus and determination, you may simply not have time for the things you want to do, because the things you have to do keep piling up. Even at work, you could like being nice and chatting, telling jokes or generally having a good time, but this month is just a lot of heavy pressure and you’re stuck having to be the mature one in the room…when you really just want to throw a party and say fk it. Effort feels obligated or forced if it’s not fun. For someone that could be coworkers or people around you, which gets on your nerves.

February: The Emperor & The Hierophant

Oracles: Devotion

Zodiac Signs: Taurus, Pisces, Libra Sun/Saturn

Clarified by The Empress 🥹 Some are definitely dealing with a couple, either because you’re part of one, these could be parents, you could work for a duo like this. Someone close to you might be getting married, or you are. If it’s a wedding, you’re going all out on a nice gift, tux, dress, shoes, etc. Could be a really nice date, or buying a ring. 9 Cups at the bottom show indulgence and having a good time, Knight of Cups underneath shows romance and asking someone out, maybe a proposal. Cute energy.

9 Cups can be a single energy as well, so if you’re not with someone, then relating to this Devil energy, with The Hierophant, you could be going to counseling, rehab, or somewhere official, like a really nice school. Church? Someone may be pushy with belief systems and “this is how things are done”, rules and boundaries, for the purpose of growth. Aka “grow up” - like a parent with a child they find self indulgent, or with your own kids if you have some. Either someone’s having a great time or the opposite, someone’s acting like a boss and bringing the good time to an end - welcome to reality, there are rules here, someone’s played around long enough. Whoever is involved is either someone you love, respect the hell out of, or both. It’s for the purpose of growth as a person, teaching, parenting, guiding, all of that, and initially it’s well recepted. If someone is getting pregnant (or getting someone pregnant), they may need to “grow up” quickly, or that’s just how it’s feeling, what a parent says.

Separately from all of that, there could be some amazing growth at work, The Emperor and The Hierophant are bosses, authorities, they are respected and trusted to run the show and bring growth or expansion to the company, you could be being put in charge of a major project, or that’s what you want. These are all very important *major arcana* energies that can go many different ways, but all of them are positive. Or should be.

March: Ace of Wands & 9 Cups

Oracles: Resistance

Zodiac Signs: Pisces, Sagittarius, Taurus Mercury

9 Cups keeps showing up for you, and while that’s a good thing, it’s like you’re overdoing a good thing. Too much of anything can be toxic, so in this case it would be having too much fun, substances, drinking, passionate nights, partying, whatever the thing/s. It could start interfering with your work, don’t show up still kinda drunk, that would fall under Risk. There’s a “Devil-may-care” attitude about you where you’re not taking things seriously, although just last month you were extremely serious. Is it a lie? The Devil & The Moon, are you gaslighting others to respect you as this leader but really you’re just gonna do what you want at all times? Or are you gaslighting yourself?

That seems to be true while simultaneously, you have a new passion for life, new hobbies or exciting things that make you feel joyful, things to look forward to. That’s not wrong. It’s only when it hurts - 9 Wands clarifying - that it’s wrong. Some sort of caution or Resistance is needing to be taken, I heard “control yourself”, so idk what this is regarding but if you’re spending and spending, what happens when something big needs repair? I’m not getting an energy of thinking ahead, planning, or savings, I think that’s the advice here. Be smart about it. If it’s relating to work, work can be fun sure, but it’s also just work…there’s a certain way you need to behave so other people respect you & take you seriously. Assuming that’s what you want, with The Emperor showing up last month. Or you could have parents trying to get this through to you. It’s possible you could be injured due to whatever fun is being had, they want me to mention Risk again. Risk Risk Risk, what are you guys even doing fr? Be careful ⛔️

April: The Hanged Man & Death

Oracles: Empath

Zodiac Signs: Heavy Pisces Sun/Moon

I had to sit with this one for a minute, but I got it. Extremism is on the bottom of the oracles, Empathy came out. It takes a drastic situation to occur before you’re connected with Empathy and willing to see things from a different perspective - facing DEATH - in whatever way. The meditation has you stabbing people with no care, The Devil & The Moon show you don’t even realize you’re doing it (or manipulate situations so that you don’t have to answer for it). Something last month hurts, causes pain to you or another, or could - emotional or physical, monetary even, I’m not sure. This may be risky behavior, dangerous even for some, and you’re unbothered or purposefully “unaware” until shit hits the fan. Cops get called. Accidents happen. People stop talking to you. You lose your job. Your something important breaks and you blew all of your money on weed. Only then are you put into this Hanged Man energy - considering another perspective. Still not looking inward, just observant of the facts of outside situations, not inside behaviors. In some case, something may have happened here and it was your fault. You’re empathetic and kind about it, trying to make up for it, but by the time something happens no one cares you want to make up for it, it’s a burden it happened at all. Outside of that - you may have blown all your money on extravagant things, and now you’re stuck because you can’t deal with something financially, someone else is burdened with you asking them for money. A parent most likely, but could be anyone. Or that’s you, could be your kid. If it’s your kid then the energy is more like this Hanged Man - not doing anything about it - energy has to stop, but “I created this”, with The Magician clarifying. Enabled it. You or someone else could feel used, there’s a lack of reciprocity that’s turning into Devil energy - possible codependency. That’s deep af…when did this sign get so intense? My Mars is Sag and I just wanna take off running from this reading, go do something that’s not super serious and is more 9 Cups 😆 I get it. Empathy can also be me needing to say that to you, so y’all don’t feel attacked, that’s not what this is. It’s for a purpose. Probably Pisces Saturn. There’s always a reason.

May: 4 Pentacles & 4 Swords

Oracles: Drama

Zodiac Signs: Sagittarius, Leo Mercury

You’re holding back, it kinda feels forced. You get sick, you’ve got no money, you’re somehow unable to do what you’d normally want to do. It’s like your communication is being shown as Page of Wands & Drama, over the top, very confident, LOUD, passionate, a bit egotistical even and embellishing dramatics - making things bigger than they really are. You could be met with silence, friends and communication are at the bottom, but not saying anything. Could be them not speaking to you, for some, a relationship or friendship may fall out due to an accident or health thing. Extremism shows up again at the bottom, you or someone else I’m not sure. This could be a dramatic silence, like a silent treatment, or like…something bad happens, one person lays the love & emotions on THICK like they care so much, but other people may see through this and separate from this sort of behavior. Someone could pop off and then go completely silent. Or, you’re just not talking to other people because you’re healing, holding grudges, you’re mad - and others think you’re being dramatic. Or switch it. If you’re forced to save money, hold back or maybe quit doing some substance, and can’t go out with friends, you’re acting out dramatically over this. Or other people are towards you, either/or. Not talking to someone else that’s hurting, in the hospital, something happened, but acting like you care so much later? When they’re home. Hopefully not, but if so there ya go, that’s why. For most it’s a forced silence, rest, healing, that you kinda resent.

June: 10 Cups & 6 Pentacles

Oracles: Escape

Zodiac Signs: Taurus, Pisces Mars

This feels literal, family may be giving you “an escape”, 6 Pentacles at the bottom could be a gift, money, whatever you’re needing. They may have let you wallow or stew in it for a bit to “learn a lesson” but ultimately they’re going to come through for you. Or switch it, could be you that’s coming around and giving something to them, whatever it is balances the situation with Justice. The right thing will occur, or the right decision will be made. It’s for the purpose of keeping the peace, harmony, balance, people around you care about you very much, even if they see or know about some obsessive/toxic interests, habits or patterns of behavior. Or, it’s possible family knows nothing and this is just a mental/emotional escape from your problems that’s temporary, because The World is rev next month like “things aren’t over yet” or there’s no resolution to something. Could be someone in your family, if you’re helping them out, they aren’t what they appear. Or their reasons aren’t, something isn’t, “there’s more to the story”.

July: The World rev & Judgement

Oracles: Speculation

Zodiac Signs: Aquarius, Sagittarius, Cancer Jupiter

The Sun is at the bottom, buried under other cards and 7 Swords, so you’re avoiding the truth coming to light, or addressing issues directly in favor of keeping the peace…but more like you fear Judgement. Or you have. Or this is someone else’s issues/energy that you’re avoiding confronting at all, you’d rather keep things peaceful and reconciliatory with Temperance at the bottom. Someone is being patient with another person’s bs, or a situation that’s up in the air with no real resolution. Temperance can show coasting along too, allowing things to fall where they may and not really taking action to change/effect this, 7 Swords is either lying, stealing, plotted strategy, or flat out avoidance. Speculation mirrors The Moon in that things are unclear, so where healing is concerned - what are you healing? It’s one thing for lessons to be learned but I don’t think they actually are, they’re just avoided and skipped over. Again, could be family. Cancer dances like a crab around addressing the issues and Aquarius avoids them altogether, or someone be lying, either way there are hopes to move forward *without* something being resolved at all. It just didn’t happen. Gaslighting. Someone could be doing this to you too, and this is the type of shit that gets people on Snapped - Risk. If it’s a job, they may try to act like nothing happened, if anything even did regarding work, I’m not really getting that for anyone though. I assume work exists, it’s not otherwise mentioned, and you spend your money on what you want in the moment - then not having enough for what you need, or that’s what I’m seeing. Possible addictions that are kept hidden.

August: 2 Pentacles & Ace of Cups

Oracles: Excitement & Companionship

Zodiac Signs: Capricorn, Gemini Mercury, Libra Moon

You’re being fake. Libra Moon came out and Aries Moon is at the bottom showing Protection with this 4 Pentacles holding grudges. You or someone else may be being nice, but they’re still judging or holding grudges based on whatever has happened between you before - probably family. You could have a liar or thief on your hands - 4 Pentacles guards money and possessions very closely as well. The Devil could be a kleptomaniac for someone. The Moon can show someone who doesn’t know why they do the shit they do, but they have no control of themselves - “like” a kleptomaniac, maybe that’s just how they’re showing it to me. You can’t expect someone to be accountable for what may be a disorder. Or an addiction, I keep hearing that word periodically. 2 Pentacles is going back and forth whether to give someone a chance - because you’re still holding things in that upset you, you’ve felt betrayed. Or whether another person will have a new start with you - because you know they are still upset. You may not consider any of that and just have a new passion (or person) you can’t chase because of a lack of money. Could be someone that betrayed you at work trying to talk to you & be friends again and inwardly you’re like…gtfoh. But on the surface you’re friendly enough. Some of you may have lost jobs or are considering leaving one, could be the family, or a relationship, should you stay or should you go? Something new is available, but you’re not sure which direction is best.

September: 5 Pentacles & 10 Pentacles

Oracles: Achievement

Zodiac Signs: Virgo, Taurus, Capricorn

This could be the first month I actually see work, unless last month was you considering leaving one job for another. It looks like you’re doing that this month, maybe silently, or at least in the way of your own feelings. If you’re upset, bitter, pissed off, you’re not saying anything. I can’t tell if you’re being left or leaving, 5 Pentacles and 8 Cups are both here showing both sides, could be either. Some of you could be losing a job, maybe as a consequence to something, or that’s what’s ended your 9 Cups shenanigans in what, April? It could be you that’s left them because it wasn’t worth the effort for the pay, they paid you crackers. It shows up as 10 Pentacles though…that’s kind of a big deal. If not work but family, there could be some revenge. You did this so I’ll do it back. He got a cupcake and I didn’t! Ruin his cupcake there now we both don’t get one. That kind of bs - could end a relationship or cause someone else to walk away, any kind of relationship. You could feel abandoned by your family and pissed off about it, they don’t even care about you in your time of need wtf. Achievement is on your mind, and this is all earth energy, you could want to make more money just “to show them” that you can? You could have a conservative family that all have money, and you feel like the screw-up, or you’re made to feel that way, maybe you just get tired of it and walk away. Same for any relationship or job. You could find out what other people make and you’re not making that, but you can’t speak up because you can’t let them know how you know? That’s specific.

October: 7 Pentacles & 7 Swords

Oracles: Rebellion rev

Zodiac Signs: Pisces, Aquarius Sun/Mars

You’re biding your time, purposely avoiding dealing with deeper issues you pretend to not see with The Moon. Or address them with someone in the family you’re avoiding leaving behind, maybe you feel left behind, there is a lot of fear surrounding your inaction, or assumptions. Assuming you know how this will go, assuming you know their intentions. If you’re dealing with a thief or something, maybe you do, The Moon can be intuition too…there just aren’t many inward/spiritual sort of energies to see it as that. Something gives you a funny feeling, and you’re listening to it, or need to. Or that’s why someone has made a certain decision regarding you. Strictly work, you could feel abandoned by people you work with, undervalued or under appreciated, you consider leaving often, or have for months. Rebellious in rev shows you’re not, or it’s not a kneejerk reaction, but something you’ve considered over a period of time. Or they’ve treated you this way for a long time. The Moon in that case would be fear to actually change a situation, not knowing what to expect surrounding other people’s intentions for you or assuming the worst keeps you stuck - The Devil. Zero communication here, an Ace of Swords could clear this all up for you.

November: King of Wands & Knight of Pentacles

Oracles: Distractions

Zodiac Signs: Virgo, Leo, Gemini Sun/Saturn

Big brain intelligence energy with confidence, I like it ❤️ You’re getting back to a mindset of knowing what you want, what you deserve, your goals, what you’re planning to go after, knowing you’ll get it once you take the action to make it happen, 6 Wands at the bottom. But you’re easily distracted, probably purposely, you’ll put it off for some time. The actions you take are very slow and deliberate, you’re taking your time and not just rushing into some new situation, applying methodical action to inner plans, I get them being small initially. A contract could be involved, and you’re possibly signing a contract that gets you more involved in something than you think, or you could be asking for some time to actually read it over before you just blindly sign it. Either can be true with Distractions here. Someone may purposely try to distract you while you’re signing a contract, don’t do that. Bottom energy is positive, you’re getting attention from a lot of people, could be resumes you’re putting in, maybe going to some interviews. People like you, they find your confidence and enthusiasm contagious, and others are likely to want to let you have your way. But you gotta focus 💯

December: The Chariot & 6 Cups

Oracles: Fortune & Organization

Zodiac Signs: Leo, Capricorn Mercury

Awesome energy to finish off the year! Some of you are traveling home to see family for the holidays, and the exchange between everyone really fills you up inside, you’re feeling great. Some of you could be traveling for work, meeting up with people you haven’t seen in forever, or haven’t met in person maybe, and it’s the same joyous sort of feeling. You’re getting a lot of attention, Fortune & Organization with 6 Pentacles feels like some sort of bonus for your hard work, they’re giving back to you for all of the effort you’ve given them. If this is a new job, it’s just going amazing for you, there won’t be any regrets about the last one you had so much fear about leaving. If you don’t have enough to do something, then someone else does and they’ll cover yours too, I heard “until you’re reimbursed” so the company itself may be paying for something. Money is definitely coming to you, but more than that, attention, social interaction, a pleasant environment, feeling like success ⭐️ That’s what you want. Wherever this is feels full of people that think you’re great and want to help you out in any way they can, even if it’s just family. If you’re bringing light to past situations, it could turn out better than you think, and you’re like “what was I so afraid of?” In that case, The Moon - fear itself - was The Devil. It’s shown up in several different ways, when you get stuck, whether in a mindset, a habit, an addiction, or assuming you know the worst is going to happen, when it actually doesn’t. Give yourself some grace and wiggle room to be pleasantly surprised. Or ask.

#Sagittarius #career tarot reading #2024 #career tarot #career reading #astrology

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saltypiss · 4 months

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I've said that the bloated budgets are the biggest hold-back on modern gaming, especially in a period of time where it has never been cheaper or more approachable, with a plethora of people learning for their own smaller projects that could easily be helped into the industry if focus was applied at any point to anything but money.

You wanna know why damn near every game has no personality anymore? You can't have thousands of people working on a game and expect it to have an identity that isn't corporate or purely marketable.

Gaming used to have a bandicoot with brain problems, a weird bunny thing named Klonoa, bizarre on-rail shooting games, call of duty added a zombie mode when that was genuinely unexpectee, Disney, and Square Enix, made a video game Series, and it's successful in multiple aspects outside of profitability.

Now? Man everything is desperate to be depressingly realistic and mind-numbingly told through boring long unskippable cutscenes. The last time I felt like the gameplay mattered to the story was Undetale, Crystal Project, Dark Souls 1, Half Life, uh, Silent Hill and RE1PS1, shit there's more but you get the point, before 2012 there was still good content.

With too many hands, too many responsibilities, and corporate pressure making this just a job instead of a passion, you just can't have real artistic works with that shit. Everyone knows it, corporations know it, but until you stop supporting it, it will only keep getting worse.

Absolutely slash those budgets into multiple small projects with smaller teams that have some system of focus, quit making one shitty game a year, and make 4 decent but unique, otherwise unexperienceable gameplay, throughout 6 years.

Slash those prices to 20$ and make the same sized updates, for a smaller game, that is actually far more valuable than the spit in the face we recieve for unfinished products.

Gaming is not movies. It takes longer. It takes a hard focus woth actual direction. It takes removing corporate meddling by splitting their greedy hateful focus from their only project to 4 different projects, make it fuckin' affordable, because It's Fucking Video Gaming. That shit ain't supposed to be lotteries and slot machines. It shouldn't be trying to tell me epic movies inbetween embarrassing gameplay. You don't need 6 people holding 2 cameras, you need someone to make most of the textures so that it all has a consistent and very focused artsyle entirely inspired by one dude who's really good at reusing any asset into some weird disturbed shit... Look point is, you can't expect Banjo Kazooie or Lethal Company level artistry and focus when you have 1 CEO harrassing employees, managers harrassing employees, everyone stressed and terrified for their careers, and being Sexually Assaulted, and expect these people to make anything but a depressing experience.

Honest to god the fact most of ya'll don't feel when a product was not made with love but every negative emotion, kinda disturbs me. Like....have you ever felt the opposite? When something was made with nothing but love and fear born from love? If you just surround yourself with people who care, their creations that were made with overwhelming care, you become inspired to care more.

And for me, I can only see so, so much of the industry going absolutely to waste, recycling and recycling and recycling more and more, constantly record profits after record setting profits, but no pay increases. No bonuses, a random website aggregator says your overall score is 1 too low, mostly because of our strict dipshitted deadlines that only serve to harm the consumer and developer. Thank fuck it worked out for New Vegas but notice again, it was a smaller team, with a smaller budget, with a smaller scope, and shorter deadline. Hmm, makes ya think, shorter deadline bad, better focus and not fingering the creative process with greed, good, very good, good yes. For the consumer. But god forbid the company take 10 billion less a year to Not Be Evil?

Can we go back to a time when companies and the rich took less money in exchange for Not Being Evil?

Can we go back to not going 'Well they're out for profit so it's okay!' Like bro no, have some standards, have some self-respect, stop letting them stomp your balls you Pay Piggy Useful Idiots.

#anti-consumerism #i get it I just don't care #stupid people will understand this far better than whatever grammatical nightmare of an alternative to work around #gaming industry #Pay Piggy Useful Idiots

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penguinhug · 3 years

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i’ve been wanting to write something on babel and um. utopia and totalitarianism (i swear it makes sense) for a long time and i finally did! so, yeah. please accept my humble offering

okay first of all im sorry for bringing up notes from the underground again lol but it was my starting point so bear with me please

i already mentioned in another post that vanitas reminds me a lot of the underground man in his philosophy and his relationship to free will. im not sure if this is a direct influence or a coincidence, but it’s probably not a reach considering dostoevsky is very popular in japan. im only mentioning this because one of the reasons for his popularity is that his works deal with the problems of the rapid process of modernization that both russia and japan went through in the 19th century

vnc is also set in this time period & it's not something incidental: it's an important aspect of the worldbuilding. the steam punk aesthetic, the references to real historic events and the astermite research all reinforce this

the underground man's attitude towards free will in notes is also historically grounded. it's a response to the utopianism of the era, especially the "rational egoists" who believed that, following science and reason, all people have to do is to act according to their best interests to be happy and abolish suffering. for the underground man this is a form of determinism, and would mean that people are mere "piano keys" being played by the laws of nature. but because people are not "piano keys" they will instead sabotage themselves and others just to prove that they are free. for him, rational egoists are wrong because people are not rational and because, ultimately, they value freedom more than happiness

so i wondered if there was an equivalent utopia in vnc that vanitas might be reacting to when he gives his free will speeches (of course, it comes from his trauma too, but i won't be focusing on that here). and well, yeah, babel and paracelsus' ideas are similarly utopic and deterministic

and we also know vanitas isn't a fan of babel

i imagine his disdain doesn't have to do with the creation of vampires, since he claims to hate everyone equally, but about what babel stands for as an idea

from Ministry of Illusion: Nazi Cinema and its Aferlife

i found this quote interesting because it's basically the opposite of vanitas? his entire character revolves around the notion of mortality: his name, the hourglass earring, the fact that we know from the beginning he is doomed to die...

anyway, back to paracelsus

paracelsianism proposed that nature was "raw and unfinished" and that man's mission was to "evolve things to a higher level" which in vnc translates to the formula rewriting that humans and coal went through during babel resulting in the creation of vampires and astermite

but while the creation of astermite is painted as a positive thing, since it allows technological advancement without hurting the environment, the manga always criticizes those who attempt to rewrite people. moreau, who views vampires as superior to humans, for example. but also chloé's family and their insistence in turning her back into a human. their cases are actually a great example of how evolutionism turns into eugenics once it's applied to people and society

vnc also always makes a point of putting humans and vampires on an even ground as much as it can. vampires are stronger, but they are also the ones vulnerable to the curse. and beyond that, there aren't any differences between them. vampires share with humans everything that makes them "human"

speaking of eugenics tho, there's a famous nazi film on paracelsus’ life... dostoevsky is also credited with "predicting" the totalitarian states from the 20th century in his work, especially in notes from the underground...

anyway, the babel from myth is also a utopic dream, so it makes sense that the incident that sets everything in motion is called like that. in the myth, humans united to build a tower so high it would reach the heavens and, in turn, god punished them for their arrogance

that's the most common reading of the myth, at least. but in jewish tradition, babel isn't about an insecure god teaching humanity its place, but about restoring diversity in face of uniformity. the problem with babel is that everyone speaks the same language and words, and so thinks the same thoughts; that the construction of the tower implies the sort of society where the product is more important than the individuals. so basically: that babel was the first authoritarian state to this, god answers by forcing diversity and pluralism on them by confusing their tongues so that they can no longer understand each other. and yeah, that brings the conflict back into the world but also interrupts the potential for imperialism and puts everyone on equal ground. so, from this point on, our relations to each other are always mediated by the limits of translation, which is "impossible, but necessary,” because we are unique and irreducible, but also in dialogue with others

isn’t that the beauty of it, tho?

the point of this criticism of utopianism isn’t to say that we should give up any attempt at change, but that we can’t forget our (and others’) “humanity” in the process. i think this is were the parallel between noé and ruthven will become relevant

they both start their stories as idealists, liking both “humans and vampires” equally, but when ruthven plan fails, he turns against his former ideas and next thing we know he’s trying to use chloé, his friend, to his own benefit

meanwhile, when noé fails to understand something, he tries harder. and it’s not like he hasn’t taken hits too, but he still chooses to keep trying and reach out to others. noé never "takes for granted” that he understands, and so he always tries to see people as they are. he is is open, and curious and he cares. a lot. and that care is grounded: is not only for humanity as a whole but for real people. because (let me reference dostoevsky one last time) “abstract love of humanity is nearly always love of self”

#i dont even know if this makes sense anymore #but i needed to get it off my chest #vanitas no carte #vnc #vnc meta #vnc analysis #babel #txt

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thekatthatbarks · 3 years

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Fourth Time’s the Charm

saisaku, Rated G, 4.6k

ao3

“Sakura?”

Sakura wiped the sweat from her brow as she glanced at Sai. Still breathless from their spar, she asked, “Yeah?”

Sai met her eyes and Sakura was caught off guard by the seriousness there. Even as he took a drink from his water bottle, his eyes didn’t leave her. She watched as his throat bobbed as he swallowed a large gulp. Her eyes went back to his as he opened his mouth, his chest still rising quicker than normal as he tried to steady his breathing.

What was probably only a few seconds felt like minutes before he finally spoke.

“I’m in love with you.”

Sakura felt her heart skip a beat as she looked at him in surprise. It sounded like there was cotton in her ears as she asked him barely audible, “What?”

Sai nodded, a smile coming naturally to his lips. He repeated in a steadier voice, a slight flush to his cheeks, “I said I’m in love with you.”

Sakura’s mind went blank, her heart thudding loudly inside her chest. “You - what?”

Sai’s smile started to slip from his face and his brow furrowed in concern. He leaned towards her, his hand grabbing her shoulder. “Sakura, are you alright? Is your hearing - “

Sakura cut him off with a nervous laugh, stepping out of his reach. “Yes - Sai, did you just say you were in love with me?”

Sai nodded, looking at her confused. “Yes, Sakura. Would you like me to repeat it a third time?”

“What? No.” Sakura closed her eyes and swallowed a breath to calm herself down. When she opened her eyes, she looked at Sai in bewilderment. The man stood there looking back at her as calm as ever as if he’d just stated some random tidbit and not a confession.

Memories flashed through her mind. A pile of psychology and communication books stacked on Sai’s desk. Sai repeatedly saying the wrong thing over the ten years she’d known him. Sai not realizing Ino had been flirting with him for months. Sai calling her ugly, thinking it was a sweet nickname. Sai -

“Sai, you are not in love with me.” Sakura laughed, shaking her head, willing her racing heart to slow.

Sai blinked at her then nodded. “Yes, I am.”

“No, you just - “

Sai interrupted her, breaking eye contact and looking at the grass beneath their feet. “Please don’t tell me what I’m feeling, Sakura.”

“But Sai - “

Sakura closed her mouth when he looked back at her, a pain ripping through her chest at the clear hurt on his face. She bit her lip, a dozen thoughts running through her head about how to steer this conversation, which direction she wanted it to go in the first place.

Sai sighed after a heavy pause. “I know over the years I’ve… struggled with different emotions and social situations. But I - this is something I’m certain of.”

Sakura nodded slowly, a shaky breath leaving her lungs. “You’re in love with me, then.”

Sai nodded, his shoulders relaxing. “I’m in love with you.”

A third time and she still couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

Sakura’s thoughts were still a jumbled mess. The surprise of one of her best friends confessing to her still not having worn off yet. She didn’t even have time to process her own feelings, struggling to believe Sai in the first place.

While Sai was well known to be awkward at times, making many people uncomfortable with his lack of social skills, that had never been them. Sai and Sakura had never been awkward. He had never made her uncomfortable. Even now, the air felt heavy and maybe tense, but not awkward.

Maybe it was because Sakura had always been Sai’s go-to person when it came to people and emotions he was having difficulty with. But she could only think about what had possibly led Sai to this conclusion. If it was something he read and connected incorrectly or a passing comment from someone.

Because there was no way Sai was in love with her.

Sakura hadn’t even had time to think of another response before Sai was speaking again. “I know people usually ask for a response but I don’t want one.”

Sakura felt even more confused. “You don’t?”

Sai nodded, that smile back on his face. “I think it’s telling that you don’t even believe me, so I don’t need a response right now.”

Sakura felt something shatter inside her and she took a step forward. “Sai - “

Sai held up a hand and her feet stopped. “I’m going to make you believe me, then I’ll say it a fourth time. I want your response then.”

***

Sai wanted them to go on as if that day in the training field hadn’t happened. He’d said if she couldn’t believe him, then he must be doing something wrong. Sakura had argued with him that he hadn’t done anything wrong but Sai was stubborn when he wanted to be. He’d asked her to give him this, a chance to show her, and Sakura had been too weak to deny him.

She didn’t know what this would do to their friendship let alone their team dynamic but Sai was and would always be someone important to her. If he really wanted to do this, then she didn’t have the heart to stop him. Regardless of what form, she loved him and she’d promised him a long time ago she would be there for him as he worked through his emotions.

This was simply another one of those times where he was confused and needed her help. Sakura would be patient and let him work through it himself.

Even if it hurt.

***

Sakura thought Sai would resort to cheesy tropes he’d read about it in books. Maybe some flowers on her doorstep or some poetic lines spoken under the moonlight. But he didn’t do any of that. Really, nothing changed.

But maybe Sakura had never been paying enough attention in the first place.

***

While Sakura would never let herself be seriously injured - she was the medic, she had to be alive by the end of the day or no one would be healed - she rarely wasted chakra on herself, especially in the middle of a mission.

It left her with a lot of scars and bruises, some burns that were too light to worry her enough. But it also made her the one who the med kit was actually used on the most.

And Sai was usually on the other side of the needle.

Sakura winced, her hand curling into a fist on her thigh.

A soft voice tried to lull her, “I’m almost done.”

Sakura focused on the weight of Sai’s hand on her shoulder as he stitched up a shallow slash on her back. She wondered if recent events hadn’t occurred if she would have noticed the way his thumb stroked across her skin soothingly.

No sooner had he placed the needle and thread back in her bag did he reach for her spare bindings. It wasn’t the first time he’d redressed her, wrapped the white bindings over her chest to tie it expertly in the back. His eyes never lingered, his touch never making her uncomfortable. Sakura had never thought anything of it. Not after the first time when she’d dislocated her shoulder and he’d helped her change out of blood soaked clothes. Sakura was the only woman on her team, but she never worried any of her teammates would take advantage of her. Their bonds were more important than that.

But thinking about it now as Sai looped the cloth around her, she’d never bothered to ask Naruto or Kakashi. It had always been Sai. Sai stitching her back up, applying salves across her cuts and wiping blood away from her skin in the comfort of her tent. She couldn’t even remember if she’d even asked him or if Sai had simply offered.

“Sakura, are you in pain?”

Sakura broke away from her thoughts to look at Sai who was looking at her worriedly. She hadn’t even noticed when he’d finished. “Hm? No, I’m okay.”

Sai smiled and looked down at the shirt in his lap. He must’ve pulled it from her bag when she was drifting off into space. “You looked like you were thinking pretty hard about something.”

“Oh, I, um…” Sakura felt a blush warm her face and tucked her hair behind her ear. She shrugged, ignoring the flare of pain from her shoulder. “Just still processing the fight I guess.”

Sai nodded, accepting the obvious lie to her relief. He moved closer to her, lifting her arm. “Well, let me help you so you don’t tear open your stitches.”

Sakura gritted her teeth as he helped her slip on the standard jounin long sleeve. “Might’ve been better to just cut the sleeves off.”

Sai chuckled as he pulled it over her head. “Maybe, but the night might get cold.”

Sakura hummed in response, letting out a breath as the fabric settled against her skin. She felt her smile twitch as Sai leaned forward to tuck her knotted hair behind her ear. “Thank you, Sai.”

Sai smiled back at her and Sakura felt nothing but warmth from his eyes. He reached behind himself and handed her a hair brush. He didn’t offer to help again, knowing she didn’t like to be babied if she could do something herself. Plus she’d kept her hair short all these years and it only took a few moments to get the tangles out. She wordlessly handed it back to him and he tossed it into her bag.

As he zipped it back up, he told her, “Kakashi will most likely give you the last watch, so get some rest. I’ll wake you for dinner.”

Sakura stubbornly argued, “I’m not so injured that I can’t take an early watch.”

Sai rolled his eyes at her and argued back, “But you are the only injured one on the team because you healed the rest of us.” He leaned back on his heels towards the tent flaps. “It’s the least we could do.”

Sakura sighed and watched him leave without further argument.

***

Sai still didn’t always title his art pieces. Sketches in his book, especially ones that went unfinished, abandoned on old pages rarely had titles.

But Sakura found out that he usually dated everything, in tiny script near the right corner of every page.

It had been sitting innocently atop her desk when Sakura had come back from a surgery. It took her a second to realize what it was, but as soon as she flipped open the cover she recognized Sai’s art style.

Another second later, she realized the page was marked with images of her. Sakura’s chest felt tight as she went to the next page and saw her eyes looking back at her. Then the next, and the next, and then one after that, and so on. The whole book, this heavy weight in her hands, was filled with drawings of her.

With shaking fingers, Sakura went back to the front and looked more closely. They weren’t all detailed, but she could tell it was always her. Some even felt familiar, as if she could remember the day Sai had been picturing when he was drawing.

Her eyes followed the length of her leg to the edge of the page and that was when she noticed it - a date from five years ago. Sakura’s fingers paused as they lifted the corner of the page, then went to the next.

Eventually, Sakura gently placed the book back on her desk and sat down in her chair. Her eyes stayed glued to the black cover, the worn edges of the pages.

Her mind went foggy as numbers flooded it.

Years.

Sai had been drawing her for years.

But the more surprising thing to her was how she felt looking at all those brush strokes. The detailed drawings and the casual lines of a half-finished sketch.

She felt loved.

***

While they would always be Team Seven and Team Kakashi, their unit officially broke up when Kakashi was appointed Hokage. Yamato moved on to Kakashi’s guard - though they weren’t supposed to know that - and Naruto spent more time on diplomatic missions. Sakura filled in on S-class missions whenever there was a need for a medic and was at the hospital the rest of the time. She thought Sai might follow Yamato or even into the rest of ANBU, but he stayed on the mission roster.

For teams of two, they were sent out together more often than not. Sakura hadn’t thought to question it until months later.

“I know we work well together but I’m still surprised we get assigned to the same missions so much.”

Sai replied casually as he stoked a fire as they settled in for the night, “Oh, that’s because I always request you when I’m given the choice.”

Sakura looked up from the small fire in confusion. “Request me?”

Sai nodded then paused looking over at her. He explained with a tentative smile, “Ah, since you’re a medic, you’re not given the lead on missions. For A-class missions and above, whoever is assigned primary lead tends to get the option to pick their team members.”

Sakura glanced off to the side as the words sunk in. “No, I mean I know that. I guess I just… I guess I never realized you’ve been picking me this whole time. I didn’t think about it. I thought Kakashi was just assigning us together.”

Sai shrugged, leaning back comfortable against the tree behind him as the fire finally gained some life. “I suppose he might assign us together even if I didn’t ask.”

They were quiet for a moment with only the crackling of the fire between them and the sounds of nearby animals to fill the night air. Sakura hummed thoughtfully, her heart rate pounding more forcefully against her rib cage. She tried to lighten the tightness in her chest. “Having a medic is always nice.”

Sai snorted across from her and Sakura’s eyes went back to him. “I don’t choose you because you’re a medic, Sakura.”

Sakura pushed in a quiet voice, “Then why?”

Sai’s voice felt warmer than the fire as he replied, “I trust you. I always want you by my side.”

Sakura’s voice got stuck in her throat as felt herself blush at his words. She looked down at a twig escaping the fire and falling to the forest floor. Her heart raced in the seconds before Sai spoke again.

He sounded unsure for the first time as he asked her, “Does that bother you, Sakura?”

Sakura laughed softly to herself, biting her lip as she shook her head.

“No, Sai, it doesn’t.”

***

Sakura couldn’t hear anything besides the sound of her own voice screaming inside her head.

It’s not enough.

Her vision was becoming blurred, whether it was because of sweat dripping into her eyes or tears threatening to spill over she didn’t know. She knew her body was shaking with effort or maybe even fear, but she continued to press her fingers deeper into the bloody mess of the chest in front of her.

Words were spilling out of her mouth like a cup that seemed to have no bottom. She couldn’t even think about what she was saying. Pleas, empty promises, threats. She didn’t know anymore. But she kept them coming, breathing them out like the air that was shaking in her lungs.

She had lost her sense of time so she had no idea how long it had been when the world finally came rushing back to her.

A hand gripped the back of her shirt roughly and jerked her backwards until she landed with a harsh thud against the ground.

“Sakura, stop!”

Sakura paid no mind to the voice and shot back up, reaching forward towards the body - no, person, they were still -

Someone gripped her arm and Sakura’s head whipped towards them as pain shot through her. She clutched at the arm, looking down to see a red hand. Their hand? No, that was her hand.

“Sakura!”

Sakura finally looked up to see a face swim into view. Dark eyes and a pale face.

Sai.

“Sai.” His name fell from her lips helplessly and she turned back towards the person.

Sai grabbed her shoulders and turned her back to him. “Sakura, please, stop.”

“They - Sai, I need to - “

“Sakura, look at me.”

Sakura shook her head and tried to break his hold, but his grip was more firm. She felt dizzy and her head started to throb, but she couldn’t stop. She had to save them. They only needed -

Sakura didn’t know she had been talking out loud until Sai told her in a soft but firm voice, “They’re gone, Sakura.”

“No.”

Warm hands cupped her face and she met Sai’s eyes as her vision started to cloud. Her breathing was becoming faster as she repeated, “No.”

Sai’s breathing didn’t sound too steady either as he tried to get through to her. “Sakura, you did what you could. But you need to stop. You’re losing too much chakra. They’re gone.”

Sakura shook her head as she started to helplessly grip at Sai’s wrist. She watched as his skin started to turn red where she touched him and she squeezed her eyes shut. Her voice was barely above a whisper and she gasped, “I’m sorry.”

Sai leaned his forehead against hers. “No, no, Sakura, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry - “

Sakura’s breath caught as Sai pulled her into his arms. He held her tightly as she began to cry in earnest. She couldn’t even pinpoint a single emotion, she was just overwhelmed. His name was broken as she choked it out. “Sai.”

He squeezed her tighter against him as she buried her face into his neck, her hands clutching the back of his vest like a lifeline. “I’m here, Sakura. You’re okay. We’re okay. I’m not going anywhere. Just focus on me.”

***

Sakura thought about that day more than she’d like to. There were others like it, more than she’d like to admit. But that one had been the worst. Kakashi had taken her off the mission roster for a month while she recovered. Recovered with no injuries, but severe chakra depletion and a shaky mental state. She’d spent days in Tsunade’s office talking about survivor’s guilt, specifically of a medic. While it had been therapeutic to connect with the one person she knew could understand, it didn’t get much better.

It’d always be there, she’d always struggle with it. But Tsunade reminded her to count the lives around her instead of the bodies behind her. It had been harsh, but she was right.

When her mind wandered, she tried to remember Sai. She didn’t like to think about what would have happened if he hadn’t been there. But remembering the strength of his arms as he held her helped sometimes. Safety and comfort. Feelings that had become constants with Sai over the years.

Sai helped.

***

Sakura had been almost asleep when she heard the tap on her window. She glanced over, her heart rate slightly elevated, to find a silhouette that was all too familiar. Swallowing her worry, she slipped out of her bed to open up the window.

Sai slipped inside but only enough to sit on the window pane. He didn’t meet her eyes and Sakura watched his chest rise and fall faster than normal. The moonlight laid across his face as he asked her quietly, “Sakura, would you like to go for a walk with me?”

Sakura almost snorted at him. It was nearing two in the morning and she had an early shift at the hospital. She was sure Sai would be busy the next day as well.

But she smiled at him, anyway, and answered as something squeezed at her chest. “Sure, Sai.”

They walked near the training grounds, the moonlight slipping through the tree leaves above them to light their path. The faint sounds of shinobi training drifted away as they neared a small stream on the edge of Konoha.

Sai hadn’t told her why he’d come to her in the middle of the night and Sakura didn’t ask.

His hand brushed against hers as they walked, sending shivers down her spine and making her bite her lip nervously. Sai talked to her softly, his voice warm and comforting in the cool night air. He told her random things, mainly paintings he was working on or some snippets of art history he had grown fond of learning over the years.

Sakura had never thought she’d know so much about something she’d hardly cared about in the past. But she found she could listen to Sai talk about the most mundane things if it made him happy. She was thankful for any topic that lessened that tightness in his smile until it finally stretched across his face into something more natural.

Sakura had been quietly humming along to whatever artist Sai had been discussing when he drifted off into a gentle silence. She glanced at him curiously and he met her eyes before looking away. She didn’t know if she imagined the faint blush on his cheeks as he gazed up at the moon.

He answered the unspoken question of the night with a simple, “You put my mind at rest so easily.” He chuckled softly before looking back down to the ground as they walked. “You don’t even have to do anything besides be there.”

Sakura felt her face warm and slipped her shaking fingers into his grasp. She tucked her hair behind her ear with her other hand as her eyes wandered over to the water beside them. “I’ll always be there for you, Sai.”

“I know.”

She looked back to him to see a smile that she couldn’t deny made her stomach twist in knots.

He laced his fingers with hers and squeezed her hand.

“Thank you, Sakura.”

***

The sentence came out of her mouth without a second thought.

“Thank you, but I’m spoken for.”

Ino raised an eyebrow at her as the man apologized and excused himself from their table.

Sakura sighed and then laughed, dragging a hand down her face. “Why did I say that?”

She didn’t even know if she was asking Ino or herself, but Ino replied with a shrug, “To let the guy down easily?”

It was an out that Ino gave easily, but Sakura couldn’t take it.

“No, I…” Sakura’s eyebrows scrunched together as she stared at a crack in the wood of their table. “I said what felt right, I guess.”

Ino was giving her an odd look, but played along with her. “Okay, and why is that?”

“I told Sai I would give him a chance and I… think that this would go against that.”

Ino hummed, taking a drink from her bottle. Sakura had confined in her months ago, so while she didn’t completely understand Sai and Sakura’s dynamic, she got the gist of what was going on.

Usually on their nights out like this, they didn’t talk about anything serious. They would drink and laugh, poking fun at each other. But Ino didn’t comment on Sakura dampening the mood, She seemed to pick up on Sakura’s thoughts, that she needed to sort this out and have someone listen.

Ino was good about that. She had a way of breaking down what someone was really thinking even if they didn’t know it themselves.

“Has he said anything? Since… then?”

Sakura shook her head. Even thinking over the last few months, nothing had been out of the ordinary. But there had been this shift between them anyway, a different tone to overlay every interaction. She wondered for the dozenth time if she really had just been oblivious to Sai’s feelings and he’d been trying to show her in his own way for a long time.

Ino smiled, giving her an amused look. “But you’ve already given yourself to him anyway, haven’t you?”

Sakura blushed and stammered, “I haven’t - “

Ino pointed her bottle at her before taking another drink. “In your heart, Forehead. You know what I mean.”

Sakura stared at her for a moment as the words sank in, then she laughed and took a shot of her sake.

“Yeah, I guess so, Pig.” The alcohol was warm going down her throat. “I guess so.”

***

Sakura could tell Sai was about to say his usual goodbye after their sparring session and interrupted him. “Sai, can we stay awhile? Just rest?”

“Of course.” Sai looked at her warmly, a smile on his lips.

They stepped over to the tree their packs laid at and Sakura hesitated as Sai sat down to lean back against the bark. He looked up at her in question and Sakura swallowed down her nerves before kneeling in front of him.

“Will you hold me?”

It felt ridiculous coming out of her mouth but she tried to not regret it. She rarely asked for things she wanted and Sai made her feel like she always could with him.

Pink dusted his cheeks as he awkwardly held open his arms with a nod. Sakura wondered if he was too nervous to speak, worried if he’d say the wrong thing.

She carefully made her way into his arms, settled back against his chest between his legs. Sai wrapped his arms around her waist as she leaned back into him, her head against his neck.

After a moment, her heart had calmed down to a steady beat and Sai asked her quietly, “Am I… doing this right?”

Sakura couldn’t stop the fond smile on her lips, not that she wanted to. She rested her arms over his and let out a content sigh. “Yes, Sai.”

He hummed in response, his body relaxing as he leaned his head against hers.

She didn’t know how long they laid there before she admitted to the wind whispering through the trees, “I feel safe here.”

Sai paused before asking uncertainty, “In Konoha?”

Sakura chuckled and clarified with a blush, “In your arms.”

Sai stilled in surprise as he processed what she said, then tightened his arms around her.

Sakura wasn’t nearly as bold as Sai. She had too many years of expectations and insecurities shoved down her throat to be bold. But she tried to be more bold for Sai, more honest, and vulnerable like he was with her.

“I…” she started off faintly, then cleared her throat. “When it gets… hard, I think about you. About how you look back for me, how you’d carry me half-dead through a field of enemies before you’d leave me. You make me feel… so secure.”

Sai was quiet beside her and she continued, “You know, I never sleep as well on missions when I’m with someone else.” She shrugged with a longing feeling. “Well, maybe Naruto and Kakashi but those days are behind us.”

She gave him a moment and then told him as bluntly as he had her, “I’m in love with you.”

Sai’s arms loosened around her in surprise as he lifted his head to look at her. She turned her face to see the surprise and confusion etched into his face inches from her. She couldn’t help but smile and lifted a hand to hold his cheek.

“Don’t worry. I’ll work hard on you believing me.”

A short laugh escaped his mouth and he turned his face into her palm to place a small kiss there. “So, you believe me, then? What I said all those months ago?”

Sakura pressed her forehead against his, turning in his lap. “Yes, Sai, I do.”

As promised, he told her a fourth time against her lips as he closed the distance between them, “I’m in love with you, Haruno Sakura.”

She didn’t think she needed to repeat it again for him to understand what her response was. She simply melted into his kiss

#kat writes #saisaku #tw blood #blood #romance #friends to lovers #love confessions #4.6k

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simtanico · 3 years

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Hi! I don't know if this is an annoying/difficult question, sorry if it is, but do you have any advice at all for modelling sims based off real people? Your sims are SO crazy good. When I try to make them they end up looking... eh... Vaguely like the person? But there's a huge gap between that and some kind of 'spark' some simmers seem to manage to capture.

Hello! Definitely not annoying. Difficult, as in how difficult it is to answer? Maybe. I'm gonna go off on a couple of tangents. But I'm gonna try my best to explain the process. Which isn't really much of one sorry.

There's a handful of tutorials and tips out there regarding reference photos and like... proportions and all that so I won't cover that.

I use that as a general guide of course, but mostly I just save some photos of the person at various angles and focus on one feature or two at a time. Literally going back and forth between reference photo and my game. I think if you try to get everything at the same time, it really makes it easy to get frustrated with whatever your sim looks like at the moment. Making sims in general is a combination of a LOT of things depending on your style.

I can point out ALL the flaws with my sims based on real people. In my experience, it’s about getting the defining features of a person close enough to the real thing so that it resembles them. I don't think you need a complete copy to get the point across, however i do think some people and features are harder to emulate than others. I've been working on some sims for YEARS, and they still don't work out lol

and take a look at this progression on my sim based on Z4ne H0ltz starting back in 2015!

that first screenshot:

Personally, I get a little lost if I work on a sim too much all at once. I find some time away makes me less tired and frustrated. Just pace yourself :)

Also if you need any help, shoot me a message here or on discord. I promise I don't judge or anything.. it's sims who cares lol

TO START...

I suggest starting with the head and its shape. Starting off with a game-generated sim, the first slider I get to is head width. It's usually too dang wide for my tastes. And then adjusting the general position of the the features. You can always change things later, so you don't have to know exactly what you're going to do, but as I've mentioned before, sculpting sims up in CAS is just practice with sliders! Also in the long run, you may want to use Pu+Chi House's Smooth Face Normals slider! I attempt to explain and show what it does here. I've uploaded the slider here: https://simfileshare.net/download/984204/

This is gonna be a doozy sorry in advance if the read more doesn't work

SLIDERS SLIDERS SLIDERS

Big sliders like Pu+Chi House’s face shape sliders dramatically change the face shape, and it could save you a lot of time! I highly suggest using these to get rid of the weird large jaw sims can get.

Play with different sliders and how they interact with one another! Example: jaw width and Cheek Fullness affect the same area. if you need a wide jaw and don’t want cheek distortion, you can use cheek fullness, lower the jaw width slider and then edit the cheekbones from there

Knowing what sliders move what and how it can work to your advantage is key! I cover this in my reply post about noses.

For visual reference:

I start out with my nose but I want the nostrils to sit further on the outside

so i go in and use the nose width slider and raise it to widen the lower nose:

Then lower the nostril scale slider

Comparison:

as you can see, i kind of achieved what I wanted, but also widened the nose tip too! Welp, that takes another slider I have, Tip Width. And I'll adjust that accordingly! It's really just a matter of what you're going for and what you're going to have to compensate for as a result!

That said, our community has made some awesome sliders that open up so many possibilities and even eliminate the need to do that multi-slider tango. I wouldn't even know where to begin (wish I wanted to make videos because I could talk for an hour about sliders)

For example @pitheinfinite made sliders that can make sims look better and more realistic, I'm jealous at what they've achieved!

They have their Inner Corner to Nose slider that moves an area of the sim's face hat make eyebags and the shadows and lines appear farther out from the inner eye. It saves you from having to use cheek sliders to mimic the effect and thus ruining the face shape you have going

It's truly an INDISPENSABLE slider. One of many!

Since I make sliders, I usually just make some to specifically fix whatever issue I'm having. Granted they're made with general function in mind, which makes my cheater-y way of making things happen more useful in the future. I have about 50 experimental unfinished sliders in my game and can tell you that all my current sims use them for some reason or other. So I'm not working with nothing, I guess?

EYE SPY 👁

The best way to really get nice accurate looking sims is the eyes.

Pay attention to the slant of the eye, the shape and position of the upper and lower eyelids. you can use the game’s Eyelid Height slider, and AWT’s Eyelid width and height sliders (and many more)

and especially where the iris (green) sits relative to the eyelid. getting that shape and eyeball positioned correctly really makes a HUGE difference

I do suggest Bloom’s Eye slider (left and right) that rotate the eyes left and right. That along with their Lazy eye sliders can give your sims a less symmetric face and position the eyes to be FAR more accurate and realistic than the default.

I also recommend their vertical sliders (Eye lift or drop) to help with eye positioning.

I can't stress the importance of the right contacts or eyes for your sims. Of course it all depends on how you make your sims's eyes and all that. Take the last sim i posted about. It took forever and a half to find the right contacts that didn't need severe or intense editing to capture the same vibe the person he's based on. The problem is pretty persistent for me, and I am just speaking for myself when I say this is necessary. Iris size, shading, recolorability, detail, catch lights, and pupil position are things to consider for your play style and preferences.

In addition to seeing what eyes will do the trick, I do edit the catch lights in the screenshots to give the eyes a different emotion or look. (I use defaults that get rid of the game-generated catch lights, and supernatural eye glow.) It's nice when that's all it is and I don't have to go in and photoshop things in and out to make them look human lmao

Perfect, schmerfect

And just know that as long as you have the same vibe or look going on it doesn't need to be perfect! Things will evolve over time, and you can change and perfect things as you go along, but close is better than trying to achieve an exact replica. We are working with the limitations of sliders and the optimized meshes they work on! So yeah there might be jagged bits or the profile might not exactly match and some things might not be accurate, but that's okay! Considering what sims look like at their default, you should be proud! I use the same mf eyebrows on all my sims basically and I tell myself they're just placeholders (yeah, right), but I manage to make them work with what I have!

Sliders, Makeup, and Skins, oh my!

a good base skin is critical, but not the end of the world if you pick the wrong one. They determine kind of definition and types of features highlighted on a sim 100000% and you might lose a feature you like or dislike when you change them! Feel free to switch up between skins you have to find the best fit.

Makeup can be a game-changer though!!! Any details you can add and help make your sim look the most like the person you're basing them off can go MILES.

In some cases, I've actually gotten really interesting results trying to get my sculpt as close as possible to real life references so the makeup makes a difference but don't define the features by themselves. Still, though, I utilize makeup up a LOT. [remember that if you use Nraas, you can layer makeup. Right-clicking makeup will also remove it if it's applied :)]

Here's the last sim i posted about when removing makeup:

no nosemasks really replicates the face-claim's nose (too shiny at the lower part) but it'll do 🤷‍♀️

Freckles, eyebags, highlighters, face shadows, pores, nosemasks, etc are all great!!

The way you move your sliders WILL effect how these look, so don't rely on makeup that adds super-specific detail or goes over an area you know is a jumbled mess because of sliders!

I do have a mess of recommendations and wcifs for skins and makeup. replies tag | wcif tag

[also I love compiling wcif cc lists for my sims it's great]

Finally, I appreciate your comment about my sims, mainly because I know they're not ever really exact copies or as close as I want to be to their real life counterparts, so thanks!! I've seen fellow simmers get really good results without messing as much as I do and I love when people can make really good maxis match likenesses because it's just so damn cool! It's truly a talent. I'm not one of those lucky few, but I like to try my way at it anyway. After what feels like some good progress I'll post a pic here. Even after doing this forever I don't feel like I'm an expert or can get good results in a shorter amount of time, but it's just fun to see the progression (or regression) of how my sims look.

#long post #replies #no tutorials just rambling and vibes~~~~

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ruth-westside · 3 years

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The Friesians and the Fanbase

Lately, people have been doing everything they can to help SSE make the coming Friesians look the best they can before they arrive. Some are helpful, others not so much, but all with good intentions in the end. And now many are asking why SSE hasn’t acted on their requests to push back the release date in favor of improving the horses.

This seems like a good time to try to answer this question for anyone who genuinely might not understand what’s involved.

Quick disclaimer, I work mostly in 2D art and have just enough experience in 3D to get in trouble, haha. So some things I bring up may be simpler than I make them out to be, or I might in fact be underestimating what’s going on. This is ultimately educated guesswork and anyone who is more well-versed in modeling and animation is welcome to confirm or correct what I say here.

I’m not going to go into how the actual animations look because that’s a different issue and it’s not what all this started over. This is for the Friesian model itself and any future horses that people may get concerned over.

For an artist, critiques like these and going to the extra effort of not only explaining what should be changed but showing it too is exceptionally helpful. That said, don’t expect that just because someone did a quick fix in a 2D editing program, it’s equally simple to do the same in the 3D software. They are completely different beasts. The SSE developers make it look easy because they are that skilled at it.

I can name at least two possible reasons for why SSE fixed the Thoroughbreds but not the Friesians.

(Pardon the quality; best I could find of the unfinished TBs)

1) The changes they did to the TBs were cosmetic and therefore easier to fix. They already had the coats made and the biggest change was likely made through the shading layer on top of the color itself. Do that for one coat and you can copy and paste the shading to the rest of them pretty quickly. You see this shortcut used a lot for animal adoptables on DeviantArt where the pose is the same and only the coats are unique.

2) These Friesians have custom bridles that have to be accounted for. Remember the Marwari’s special bridle that only it can wear until they adjust it to fit the other breeds? That applies here as well. Features like the ears, nostrils and lips probably wouldn’t have much impact on the bridles’ geometry if you moved them, but the eye placement, cheekbones, and curve of the head just might. Whatever the case, changing the underlying geometry likely means you have to adjust the UV map (a.k.a. the skin design) to match so it doesn’t look like a mistake, and that is something they’d have to do across each coat and again to the shading layer before it’s copied across the coats again. And they’d have to do it for the bridles too. It’s a butterfly effect, not “just moving one thing”.

No matter what their reasons are, be it the ones I’ve listed or something else entirely, the team who makes the horses has to move on to the next breed because they have a business to maintain so the servers stay up, you can play, and they can put food on their tables.

It’s entirely possible that someday they may come back to the Friesian and make some refinements like they tried to do for the Trakehner if they can’t do anything before the release. At the very least they will take your critiques and remember them for future horses with similar builds. The quality of the horses will go up and down but it will always be a general upward progression. Models will glitch while in development, rationing of time will not always go according to plan and thus some horses come out better than others. Trial and error is par for the course. That’s just how creative work is.

Now that that’s out of the way, there’s a few things the fanbase as a whole needs to be reminded of, especially on instagram. . . because it’s instagram (and I’m just sorry I don’t have a phone to put this on there with as well).

Yes, critique their work when they need it and if they abuse their power in a rude or unlawful manner, address it. But also learn to observe the situation and take into consideration that you might be the one who is acting thoughtlessly sometimes and that you don’t know what’s going on for them.

Don’t get upset just because the horse team have deadlines to meet and you’re telling them to make changes they can’t spare the time for right now. Plus remember they are currently working from home so the feedback from coworkers isn’t as instantaneous as it used to be.

“SSE is a company and we are their customers, so we have a right to complain,” some say. Yes, that’s entirely true and they knew what to expect when they took a job there. However, that does not mean we as the players get to be unnecessarily rude, haughty, and complain about literally every single thing they do or don’t do (that’s barely an exaggeration, if at all). The individual is the ultimate minority and a single player can’t support SSE so they have to cater more to the majority of the players. Your wishes are going to go ignored sometimes. Yes, it’s sad and disappointing, but it’s a part of life that can’t be avoided. Just like an SSE employee knew what to expect when they took the job, you created an SSO account while fully aware that they wouldn’t be able to grant your every desire. And while we’re on that subject...

“They should give us more SC codes. We deserve it.” some say. No, that’s you wanting free stuff from artists who put their time and energy and health into creating something for you to enjoy. You know what happens to people who try to weasel free work from artists that wasn’t willingly given? They become perfect candidates for sites like Clients From Hell. Those SC codes are gifts SSO puts out because they are kindhearted adults who want to give the less fortunate players a chance to enjoy a new product, even if they have to wait a longer time for it. They put out codes so rarely because those of us who are better off abuse that charity and complain when we don’t get it more often.

They are not Blizzard. They are not Ubisoft. They are not Rockstar. They are SSE, a relatively small Swedish company that is learning and correcting as they go. Sure, there are features and changes other online games have that I too wish SSE would implement, but circumstances may be different for them or it may just take a long time to add things (like updated MCs). If they can do something that players have asked for, that’s wonderful. If they have to say no, don’t get on their case about it. Their target audience are little kids, many of which haven’t been taught diplomacy or know when to stop fussing. Those of us who are old enough to know better shouldn’t act like that gives us permission to treat SSE as a whole like dirt.

This has been a rough year for everyone and people are on edge and frustrated. You are going to have bad days where you don’t have the energy to be kind to people. That’s okay, it happens, but don’t let it be a habit. Next time you put your fingers to that keyboard to address the latest thing on your mind. . . wait. Come back when you are a little more emotionally calm so your words are less sharp and no longer a knee-jerk reaction. People will thank you, even if they don’t verbalize it.

I see a lot of people talk about treating others with basic human decency and respect, no matter who they are. That you don’t know what they go through in their lives or why they are the way they are. That’s excellent and wise advice, now remember to extend the same courtesy to the employees at SSE and any other business you interact with when you can.

#star stable online #sso #sso psa #my posts

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elminx · 3 years

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Energy Update: Mercury Retrograde in Libra

Happy Monday? Last night Mercury stationed retrograde at 25° Libra starting our three-week-long Mercury retrograde cycle,. Mercury will march backward through from 25-10 degrees until 10/18. Normal Mercury retrograde warnings apply: things take longer in general, communication (especially internet communication) will get messy and there may be many misunderstandings, all technology can get a bit wonky, and you can likely expect to have to do some or all of the res: rethink, redo, reconsider, reawaken, realign, etc. Mercury retrograde is counterindicated, in general, for travel which shouldn't be a problem during this time. The general rule of thumb during Mercury retrograde is: think before you act, save early and often, and double-check all communications before you hit "send". Because this retrograde cycle is in Libra it will affect cardinal signs most strongly (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) with the additional signs being strongly affected being Gemini, Leo, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Aquarius. Remember to take into account Sun, Moon, AND Ascendant when considering this above information. As Mercury moves backward through Libra, we are going to be forced to confront the way that we think/talk about our relationships (ruled by Libra). There is a hint to this process as the ruler of Libra, Venus, will spend most of the retrograde in the sign of Sagittarius. Sag is a sign of freedom and expansion which is a stark difference from the often co-dependant sign of Libra. Herein you see the inherent conflict that needs resolution. Expect the bad behaviors of Libra to be in the forefront of our minds all throughout this retrograde. Libra can be seen as the OG ruler of coupledom which can look cute but often hides a lot of relationship trauma right below the surface. As a Venus sign, the appearance of a relationship - just having a relationship AT ALL - can become so all-consuming that the health of the relationship can become immaterial. In fact, there are many Libras who seem completely incapable of leaving a relationship to such a degree that they remain in toxic situations or in a very poorly matched situation for years if not decades. Here Mercury retrograde in Libra will share something in common with Venus in Sagittarius - sometimes, both signs would rather be lied to in a way that feels good than confront the truth that may be messy or hurtful. This energy has been at play all year as we round out the last of our eclipses on the Gemini-Sag axis - you can refer back to my posts about eclipse season if you're interested in following this line of inquiry further. The reason that Mercury retrograde is so impactful is that it crosses the same points on the horoscope (here 10-15° Libra) a total of three times: one in its normal forward motion (called the pre-shadow phase), then backward during the retrograde, and finally a third time as it moves forward once more (known as its post-shadow). Because of this, we can look at the aspects that Mercury makes during this Chthonic journey to get additional insight into the way in which this retrograde cycle will potentially impact our lives. In this retrograde, Mercury makes a number of strong aspects. They will form a square with Pluto in Capricorn on 10/1 and 11/3, trine Jupiter in Aquarius on 10/3 and 11/1, conjunct the Sun and Mars on 10/9, oppose Chiron in Aries from 10/14-10/29, and make a sweet sextile to Venus on 10/16. This is a mixed bag which makes sense for a Mercury retrograde cycle. As I write about each aspect please keep in mind that although I list specific dates, these aspects play out for a couple of days before and after their moment of exactitude. Additionally, because we are in a retrograde cycle, any impact of these aspects will likely last through the retrograde and into Mercury's post shadow (I'll get to that). Sun, Mercury, and Mars conjunction at 16° Libra - this, along with the Mercury-Pluto square will likely have the strongest impact on this Mercury retrograde cycle. At this time last year, Mars went retrograde

in the sign of Aries and squared off with Pluto in Capricorn three times. We saw a ton of these Aries-Capricorn squares last year - that was a beginning. Now, one year later, Mars has made his way halfway around the horoscope to Aries' opposite sign of Libra only to square Pluto in Capricorn again. It is likely the unfinished business from the Fall of 2020 (or earlier that year) will rise to the surface - especially around how we go about getting what we want out of relationships. You may feel unmoored or directionless in and around this Libra stellium on 10/9. Especially if you've been given messages about what you need to change in your own life (Pluto in Capricorn) but you have held onto the old rather than taking steps forward towards that change. That said, astrology is the study of second chances - it is never too late to right your path. All you need to do is start walking. Mercury square Pluto in Capricorn - This indicates unfinished business, something that you need to rethink, reevaluate, redo so that you can let go and move on with your life. You may see exes or old friends reappear during this time - keep in mind that most likely these people are reappearing for a chance of closure but some people may even see rekindlings of old romances or second chances. Just keep in mind that Pluto was the God of Death, not romance. Mercury trine Jupiter - this can be a pretty nice aspect when both planets are moving forwards but is questionable (at best) when both planets are retrograde. Watch out for making mountains of molehills, for over-thinking and over-analyzing (problems during any Mercury retrograde cycle but made worse by the influence of our Great Expander Jupiter). Here the lies of Mercury retrograde may be at their height - watch out for the ways in which we are prone to dishonestly or illusion during this time, especially the ways in which we are dishonest or harbor illusions about our relationships. Notably, Mercury will be square to Pluto at the same time that they are trine to Jupiter which indicates that the lies that we tell may be very heavily loaded during this time. Expect some serious breakups and breakdowns during this time. You may discover that you and your Others are on very different pages - even that you see your relationship in a completely different light! Mercury sextile Venus in Sagittarius - this lovely sextile happens two days before Mercury stations direct again and is definitely our path forward. What has been revealed during this retrograde cycle? Can you integrate it into your life and your relationships focusing heavily on openness and freedom? Mercury opposed Chiron in Aries - this is our pain point. Mercury will oppose Chiron within 1 degree for an incredibly long time - 15 days to be exact! This is because it happens as Mercury is about to station direct and is therefore moving so slowly that they appear to stand still for an extended period of time. This shows that the Mercury retrograde cycle has been painful and many will have to go through a time of rectification during its post shadow period afterward. Chiron is always a reminder that we need to heal ourselves - that our mental well-being is our own responsibility. There is a sense here, with the axis between independent Aries and codependent Libra in play - that we need to step away from the idea that our Others can heal us. Or the idea that our Others are responsible for our Emotional States or Dysregulations. All in all, the next three weeks may feel like a real slog. We may feel fragmented or off-track. It's highly likely that the big blowups won't be until closer to the end of the retrograde and there may be a lot of cleanups to do. There's a lot of indication of some pretty big changes in the works as this cycle works itself out. In a year when change has felt nearly impossible due to our ongoing Saturn in Aquarius-Uranus in Taurus square, a chance to actually enact change sounds pretty good to me. All in all, if you keep your patience and your wits about you and

you aren't holding on to shit that you should have let go of ages ago, navigating this astrology weather should be considered Business as Usual. Remember to give your Others a metric fuckton of space during this time - especially if they have personal planets in one of the cardinal signs. What you stifle will never grow.

You can read more about how to interpret how Mercury Rx will affect you personally in my blog post on my website.

If you like my writing, please consider supporting me by Buying Me A Kofi.

#witchblr #words #mine #astrology #energy update #Mercury retrograde #Mercury retrograde in Libra #Mercury in Libra #Mercury opposed Chiron #Mercury square Pluto #Mercury trine Jupiter #Sun conjunct Mercury

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