#this got personal but i didnt know how to talk about this episode without making it personal

[kafus]

why dot & episode 41 of pokemon horizons means so much to me as a recovering social recluse

when i got into pokemon horizons i had no idea whatsoever that my favorite character would end up being dot, one of the best handled social recluse characters i've ever seen in a piece of media. pokemon places such a large focus on adventure and travel, meeting new people and pokemon, so really the idea of a respectfully handled social recluse character just didn't seem to fit in with the concept. but now that the environment travels with the characters in the form of an airship, dot was able to be created and my god i love her. as someone who's been a recluse most of my life, even as a child, (i would qualify as a hikikomori and/or NEET at different stages of my life!) who is slowly crawling out of that pit, dot means the world to me.

there's a lot of good episodes that have some level of focus on dot but episode 41 in particular really blew me away and for the sake of my autistic ass desperately wanting to tell people about it i'm going to explain that here in trademark rambling fashion. obviously spoilers ahead - though not just for episode 41, i'm also going to be talking about earlier episodes a little bit. you've been warned!! if you don't want spoilers don't read below the cut ty!!

so episode 41. we meet dot's mother as the viewer who is there to pick up dot from her "trial period" on the brave asagi, learn about how dot ended up on the airship in the first place, and then at the end dot gets to have a showdown against her mother's lycanroc essentially to prove that she wants to, and can, stay permanently on the rising volteccers crew instead of going home. this is a huge turning point in dot's development as a character - at first she was a complete unknown only audible through her bedroom door, irritable to anyone who tried to speak to her, then over the course of the show she's managed to make friends with liko and roy, become a pokemon trainer, enjoy food with other people for seemingly the first time, and even caught tinkatink on her own accord pretty recently. and now this episode allows her to say in her own words that she isn't just on the ship experimentally, or because of murdock, or any other reason - she is choosing to be there and is enjoying learning more about other people and experiencing the outside world. again, this is a huge leap for someone who refused to show her face to the main characters for the first half of the show!

this on its own is already a pretty admirable character arc, one i can relate to, but i am really impressed by & feel seen by the way the writing handles her and that's really apparent in this episode. first i'm going to focus on how the writing and characters in the show respect dot's feelings despite her introversion and reclusion here.

dot's mom (blanca) is introduced to us as incredibly overbearing, to the point of freaking out and sending a bunch of angry stickers when murdock and dot don't immediately respond to her messages. dot's first response to seeing her mom is frustration instead of any level of positive response or excitement, which implies they don't have the best history, even before she actually starts talking about her past. i'm not trying to make this a post about dot's family psychology, maybe another time, but similarly to liko her situation is a bit fucked lmao (though for opposite reasons!)

the thing is - the adults around her are ALSO uncomfortable, in particular murdock, blanca's brother, which conveys a lot about the situation. she's not just some stubborn kid, there's legitimacy to her feelings, because if there wasn't the mature figures in this situation probably wouldn't also be reacting negatively, especially not murdock, dot's other relative here. from incredibly personal experience, it is so easy to wave off the feelings of a child, especially one as "difficult" and reclusive as dot, as just being some sort of phase, but already the writers are directly contrasting murdock, an adult dot is comfortable with who treats her with patience and respect, with blanca, who she evidently is not comfortable with - and they're respecting her feelings by making the adults in the show respect her feelings, too. and they're about to do a whole lot more of contrasting her mother with Everyone and Everything Else!

dot is continued to be understood and respected by the people who know her best in the case of liko and roy choosing to approach her to talk first. dot has run off to her room, where she usually is to get away from people, a very clear sign that she's struggling. liko and roy recognize this and cut blanca off from making the situation worse. which, of course they would, they're her friends and they genuinely care about her and understand how she behaves! they even know how to get her to come out her room without banging on her door and continuously yelling or something like that - direct contrast to them struggling with this much earlier in the show, by the way.

dot is happy to see them and much more willing to talk pretty much immediately, because guess what, they're people who respect her space and her feelings!!!

and once again, when blanca tries to force dot to speak before she's ready to (i mean come on you literally jumped her with this massive thing out of nowhere), liko jumps in and cuts blanca off to defend her and once again respect her feelings in a way that blanca definitely is not.

and finally, when they end up having a pokemon battle with each other...

blanca says this, yet another invalidation of dot's feelings and the way she responds to situations. this line actually made me viscerally uncomfortable, i remember the bitterness and upset i felt when i was a young person and my feelings, especially my frustrations with my parents and the way they handled my introversion, were invalidated on account of my age. "oh, it's just a phase" or "it's just because you're a kid" - just so incredibly frustrating.

and you know what that's followed up with?

dot speaking her fucking mind and kicking her mom's ass baby!!!! get her ass!!! let's GOOO. this part of the episode is so fucking rewarding. it's so good to see this character who has grown so much finally stand up for herself. she still needed a little bit of a push but that's OKAY!! the important part is that she's doing it and the narrative recognizes that! having friends and loved ones to help you out is actually a very essential part of happiness and survival!

and before i delve too far into my personal feelings, i also want to talk about a second thing here; i just find dot's characterization really relatable, like i swear to god there's someone on the writing team who must have been a 12 year old autistic NEET or something. it's literally too fucking on point, it's uncanny, i swear there's times in horizons where dot is just a carbon copy of me when i was a preteen. i mean come on:

dot flopping face down into bed after being overwhelmed in an awkward social situation and being confronted with a situation she's been trying to ignore thus far... the amount of times i have done this in my life, holy shit.

the candidness in which dot speaks about being so interested in the outside world, but being unable to have those experiences for herself as simply a voyeur. the shot of her room being such a disaster because she rarely leaves it and stuff piles up in there, including food junk,

the way she spends all this time alone cultivating skills she's passionate about and then shrugs them off as "just something she likes" when an adult compliments her on her abilities, the contrast between her confidence in what she loves but her complete social awkwardness in talking to anyone about it,

her defining herself on the internet by being a homebody, hell even her cute little freakout about the streamer she likes noticing something she said,

waking up late and missing the activities of other people because her sleep schedule basically doesn't exist while she's at home,

even just her general body language of closing in on herself and holding onto something when she's nervous, hell even her clothing choices which are so obviously meant to be as comfortable as possible for her and easy to take on and off - i could go on forever even just with this episode alone but i think you get the point. i feel so seen by how dot is just in general and it's obvious from both the plot/writing and the way dot is portrayed and animated that the people making this show understand people like me, even the type of person i was as a child, too.

all of this means so much to me because like i said in the intro to this post, i was and still very much am a social recluse. i'm a homebody. even now i still rarely leave my room, i don't eat with family often, i struggle to do things in the "real world". growing up, repeated intrusions into my feelings and my life did not help me, they only made me whiplash further into feeling distant and not listened to by the people around me. they made me want to interact with real life less. finally, as an adult, when people started to give me a bit more space, when the ways i communicate began to be respected a little more, that is when i started making genuinely close and good friendships, that is when i began to venture outside of my room and partake in small joys with people, as a direct result of being given the space and time to do so, to have my own autonomy, to make my own decisions, to be myself. i think it's incredibly easy to see someone curling in onto themself and assume they need a fuckton of intrusive pushing, and sometimes they do need a little push, like how dot's quaxly pushes her to move forward in the moment sometimes, or how liko continuously tried to befriend her, but the important part is that by treading too far over her boundaries it is no longer a productive or respectful way of helping her - it's a balance, and a balance horizons always seems to get right, episode 41 included.

it really means so much to me to see dot's journey into coming out of her shell treated with so much respect by the writing and other characters. so often recluse characters are the butt of the joke, are pushed out of their comfort zones unrealistically fast, or never actually receive the support and growth they need - but horizons strikes the balance of being candid about the type of character dot is and giving respect and space to her feelings so she can grow at her own pace, but still giving her support and little pushes when she needs them, and showing that it's possible to grow and enjoy the real world, even as a recluse. it's refreshing, especially with a character who is a child, and a girl, too! i can count the amount of times i have found a young girl character i relate to at all on one hand, and dot is the best one i've ever seen, personally! horizons has been really inspiring to me to continue to cultivate my connections with others and continue to drag myself out of my shell at my own pace with people who love me, during a really chaotic and transitional part of my life and i really love it for that. i'm glad this episode exists for an infinite multitude of reasons but i really just wanted to talk about this specific aspect for a bit and how it relates back to me as a recovering recluse.

thanks for reading if you got this far jesus christ i talk a lot LOOOL. and i might talk more about my feelings on this episode or dot in general later. i have so much to say about likodot and also about the family dynamics in this show i'm practically eating thru drywall thinking about it rn

#pokemon horizons #anipoke #pokeani #dot #trainer dot #dot pokemon #pokemon #pokemon horizons spoilers #anipoke spoilers #kiki was here #kiki.txt #this got personal but i didnt know how to talk about this episode without making it personal #you have no idea how hard i had to restrain myself from making this way too long #i have so much left to say... later #wink wink nudge nudge you should talk to me about horizons in my asks btw #horizons

[peterparkersnose]

Give In

pairing: Joel Miller x reader

word count: 2.3k

warnings: suicidal thoughts, pining possibly one sided, ANGST (just a large angst piece, i wanted some joel angst so I made it), description of depression, emotional dependency on a person, arguing, fluff sprinkled in, implied age gap not specified, reference to pregnancy, mentions of substance and alcohol abuse, joel is lowkey toxic and uses reader

a/n hi loves I wrote this after the first episode aired, so if anything contradicts anything in the future in this story that is why. also, i didnt know how to end it so im sorry if the ending is a bit choppy. happy last of us sunday!

summary Y/N has feelings for Joel that she can’t control anymore

Part 2 here

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read time: 8 min 33 seconds

The harsh chill of the autumn afternoon swept your hair off your shoulders. The ration line was as long as ever, but seemed to be moving quickly. A stray dog barked as others murmured on the street. Staring down at your boots, you bit at your chapped lips.

“You’ve been avoiding me,”

His voice sent chills up your spine. He was behind you, must have slipped in line without the other person noticing. Of course now was the time he decided to confront you. And he wasn’t wrong.

Straightening your back, you turn towards him.

“Have I?” you asked, raising your eyebrows slightly. The line moved forward and so did you.

“Tess said you weren’t feeling well.”

She was partially right. It was the blatant lie you were telling the very few who were close to you. You were physically fine.

“I’m fine, Joel.” you said promptly, turning a cold shoulder to the older man.

“If you need any meds or anything…” he began. You knew Joel had anything you needed. Quite literally.

“Next!” The FEDRA soldier called, motioning for you to get in the final line. You gave Joel a tight lipped smile before disappearing in the crowd.

Back at your sad excuse for an apartment, you poked your fork at your stale meal. You tried to think about todays’s job but the thought of Joel Miller consumed you.

How his hands felt on your skin, how soft his hair could be, how much he respected you in private. Flashbacks of previous nights where he had snuck over and stayed with you burned in your brain.

You never thought the hookup would turn in to feelings. Especially in this world. Feelings you were sure he wouldn’t reciprocate. Joel wasn’t a very emotionally available man. And he had Tess- rumors of them being together had been going on for years. Sure, they deny it. But you see the way he looks at her sometimes. His eyes burn with the lust you want from him, but there staring at her.

Tess was friendly and all, you got along quite well with her in fact. Jobs worked with Tess usually went better than others. But the knowledge that she goes home to him every night almost ate you alive. You felt used every time you would watch her turn the alleyway to their apartment.

Roommates my ass.

It had been over a month since the last time you saw Joel.

He was right, you were avoiding him. Taking the jobs you knew he wouldn’t dare go by such as childcare. Taking a different route home to avoid any run ins. Leaving your lights off and sitting in the dark to possibly deter him away from your place. All your little queues worked.

And the pain grew day by day.

You layed in your mattress with your face buried in your pillow. It stopped smelling like him weeks ago, but you liked to pretend it still did.

You couldn’t live like this anymore.

Pills weren’t numbing enough. Alcohol wasn’t as fun as it used to be. The constant state of depression in this damned district was enough to make you want to end it.

But seeing him across the alleyway talking to a group of people or in the line for rations was enough to keep that tiny spark lit inside of you.

There wasn’t much else to look forward to in this world besides others. Living the same day your whole life is miserable without your spark of joy in it.

Sleep was close, you could feel it. Your thin blankets were just cutting it for the night. As the dreams began to dance in your head, you were awoken by a quiet knock on your door.

“For fucks sake,” you groaned, flipping over in bed. You ignored the knocks. They became more persistent.

The old doorknob then dropped to the floor, startling you awake. You didn’t even have to guess who it was. The door slowly creaked open as you heard him curse to himself.

“I’ll fix it later,” he sighed, picking it off your floor and placing it on your countertop. He pushed one of your folding chairs next to your table up against the door to keep it sturdy.

“So your just breaking into apartments now?” you snapped, sitting up right in bed. “I needed to see you.” he protested.

“I never knew Joel Miller to need anything.”

He sighed and rested against your countertop. “I need to know,”

“Know what?” you asked, wrapping a blanket around your exposed shoulders. A tank top wasn’t ideal to sleep in, in these conditions.

“What’s wrong.” he said bluntly. “I said there’s nothing wrong. What the hell are you doing walking around freely at night?” you yelled, realizing the time was way past midnight. The sounds of soldiers a few floors down outside your apartment began to yell. How did he move past them?

“You sick?” he asked in a more hushed tone, walking towards you. “Respiratory? Head pain? Joints? You pregnant?” he somewhat joked, looking over you in bed.

“Shut up.” you said coldly. “Can you please just go?”

You knew Joel wasn’t a good listener. “What is it?” he said sternly, sitting down next to your body in bed. He grabbed your wrist ever so slightly. Your pulse was shaking in his grasp.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

You looked at the other side of your apartment, out the window. Rain had began to slowly plague the window. Ignoring Joel’s touch, you watched as the few drops raced to the bottom of the window.

“After everything I’ve done for you?” Joel sighed, not letting go of you.

“Stop, please. J-just stop talking to me.” you said, lying through your teeth. He could sense the pain hiding behind those eyes. “I’m not leaving.” he protested.

“Look at me.”

You turned to face him. His eyes were locked on yours. A genuine worried look was on his face. He looked softer, nothing like you had ever seen before.

It was almost as if someone asked you if you were okay when you were very obviously not. Silent tears rolled down your face as you tried to catch your breathe.

The man who you couldn’t love was staring in to your soul. There was no way you ever could love him. He was too mean, too stern, too old, too angry for you. The two of you were polar opposites. But as the saying goes, ‘opposites attract’.

Joel was unsure on what to do. Tess never cried. Hell, you never cried. He racked his brain for something, just something to soothe you.

He offered out a hand. Against your better judgement you took it. Connecting his other hand to your cheek, he tried to wipe away the streak of tears silently leaving your eyes. He held you tightly in your bed, stroking your hair as your head quickly made contact with the crook of his neck.

“I wish I didn’t have these feelings,” you cried into his embrace. Joel was confused on what you were getting at, but he ignored it. He tried to shush you in a soothing way.

“No, please. I wish I didn’t have these feelings… but I do.”

Joel froze. “What?” he asked, holding you in place.

You pulled back and looked at him. It felt like the first time over again. “Look at me and tell me you don’t feel a thing.” you hiccupped.

“I…” Joel sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and letting a breathe of air go.

“Say it.” you demanded.

The silence in the room was deafening.

“I can’t.” Joel said quickly. He looked down at his knees on your mattress.

“I think you should go.” you sighed, laying back on your side and facing the opposite wall.

He listened. Finally, Joel caught a hint. The sound of him walking away made you long for him more than ever. But it was good. The feeling of him leaving, knowing you were right. Joel Miller wasn’t a man who could love. At least not anymore.

Your sudden pride stopped when you heard his boots thud against the floor. Then the all familiar zip of his jeans followed by the hit of him placing them on your wooden chair next to your bed.

He rested a hand on your thigh as he peeled up the blanket that was stuck to your legs. Slowly, he moved down next to you in the tiny space you were leaving him.

“You don’t listen.” you huffed, still not giving him enough space on the bed.

“When do I ever?” he chuckled, wrapping his arm around your waist.

Fuck it. You gave in.

You allowed his arm to move closer to the underside of your breasts. Scooting over in bed, you gave him more space for his legs to entwine with you. His boxer’s material rubbed against the back of your thigh. It smelt like him; Wet grass and expired generic soap scent had never smelt better.

Sleep kindly greeted you once you felt his breathing slow. Trying to match his, you fell into the deep sleep you had been yearning for, for what seemed like weeks.

-

The absence in the morning was startling.

You struggled to move, hoping that the previous night was just a horrifying dream. A sigh escaped from your lips when you saw his boots sitting against the wall where he placed them last night.

The clanking sound of tools made you turn. On the other side of your small studio apartment, there he sat at your doorframe attempting to fix your door handle.

The overcast sky stayed, but you could tell it was early morning by the chatter outside.

“Shit!” Joel hissed, grabbing his finger in pain. “Damn fucking…”

He looked up and noticed you watching him.

“You alright?” you asked, watching him in amusement as he attempted to fix your door.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, sucking the tip of his finger. “Haven’t fixed a door in a good twenty years.” he muttered, wiping off the excess blood on his already dirtied jeans.

“Go back to bed, It’s still early.” he suggested, going through the tiny tool kit he had given you as a previous gift.

“This is more entertaining than sleep,” you chuckled, placing your feet on the cold ground and getting out of bed. “You want any breakfast? I don’t know if I have anything good here but…”

“Nah. Tess’l be expecting me.”

The sheer thought of Tess waiting at their home for him was enough to ruin the whole night you had before.

Joel looked up to you after your lack of a response. He noticed the demeanor change in your face. “Everything okay?” he asked, turning back to the doorknob he was almost finished fixing.

“You seem to go sour every time I mention Tess.”

“I wonder why,” you muttered under your breathe, attempting to open a tuna can for breakfast. You tried not to dry heave as the scent of the old fish met your nose. Tuna was never a favorite meal, especially for breakfast. But, it’s all you had.

Joel pretended like he didn’t hear you, but he heard you loud and clear. “We have a run to do today. You understand that, right?”

A bitter ‘mhm’ came from your lips as you shook the prepackaged coffee in your hand before ripping off the seal.

Joel sighed and placed the screw driver down dramatically. Joel’s knees cracked as he got up from his position. “You always gotta fucking act jealous. Don’t you? Ruinin’ a nice morning.”

“Jealous?” you said, raising your voice.

“What the hell do you even want from me?” you scorned, on the brink of tears. He could see through you like glass. You hated to admit it, but he knew you like the back of his hand.

Joel wished he could shout out the answer, but his ego kept it in.

You froze with your back turned to him and set down the brittle coffee mug. “Your always leaving me to go to her…”

“Because we’re business partners, Y/N. Don’t you get it? Don’t you hate livin’ the same damn day over and over again? It’s why I come to see you.”

“Stop,” you whispered, now face to face with him. “Stop yelling. Please, it’s too fucking early to get into that shit.”

“Really? Tell me you don’t loose your mind living the same day, same drama for years!” he yelled. “Always you being jealous. Don’t you ever get sick of it?”

Anger consumed you. Proof that the two of you would never work. He’s just a bitter old man.

“You know I would give anything to leave this damn QZ! To live a normal life, not fucking be here.” you yelled, with a finger now pointed at his face. You were avoiding the original accusation. Jealousy.

“Tell me.” you said, with a quieter but angrier tone. “Am I really just your fuck toy?”

Joel stepped back for a moment, stunned at what you just said. Guilt seemed to wrack his nerves as the realization hit him.

You were in love with him.

“Is that what you think?” he asked, approaching you with a sorrowful more soft look. “What else am I supposed to think? You come here, use me, and leave and go back to her.”

The feeling of letting go of all that emotion felt healing. The sudden aftermath of realizing what you just had accused him of made you feel somewhat guilty.

“No,” he sighed, grabbing your hand. “That- no. Absolutely not Y/N.”

His other hand reached for your chin, and brought your face up to his gaze. You could feel his heat on your skin.

“Understand…” he began to say. “Understand what?” you whispered back. A sly smile came to his lips.

“Give in,” he whispered, dropping your hand and wrapping his around your waist.

You melted into his grasp as he kissed you. Joel hadn’t kissed anyone in years. The hesitation from him only brought out the dominance in you.

As the two of you mutually pulled away, you wanted nothing more as to be back where you were just seconds ago.

“Understand that it’s hard.” he said, still holding you close. “I…”

“I know.” you said, cutting off his words.

You were an anxious, sorrowful over-thinker and he was the bitter, closed off introvert.

“I’ll be back,” he said, with a slighter more chipper tone. “Tonight. We have to get this damn car battery and…”

“Stay safe,”

“I promise.” Joel said. He really did not want to leave you. The thought of the two of you spending today lazily in bed was very tempting.

“But please believe me Y/N when I say, you are and never have been just a ‘fuck toy’.”

He squeezed your hand once more and then dropped it. Silence filled the apartment after he left.

The thought of how you tasted haunted Joel Miller’s mind the whole day.

Part 2

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#peterparkersnose #pedro pascal #joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller x female reader #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff #joel miller imagine #joel miller fan fiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller the last of us #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller pedro pascal #the last of us #the last of us hbo #joel miller headcanon #joel miller one shot #peterparkersnosework

[sleepingontheclouds]

i did a rant for Jason, now I’m doing a rant for my favorite superhero and occasionally morally grey person <3

I’m going to put a trigger warning here and now for the majority of this post. Discussing Dick Grayson for me means talking about very sensitive moments for his character, I will be mentioning and talking about some non-consensual events that happened to him in certain comic canons and one underage event. Please if this can/will trigger you, click off or skim over the parts where I mention it. I will highlight the parts where I actively speak about situations like that in red. Thank you.

Titans

I’ve watched to season 3 of Titans so far and I just gotta say, Dick’s character got a downgrade and an upgrade. Let me elaborate.

Firstly, I love what the writers did and how they characterized the boy wonder in season one. He was an authority figure, a protector. Literally the first time we are introduced to Robin and the first time we see Dick in the Robin suit, he’s brutalizing child abusers.

Throughout the entire first season there are multiple instances of Dick being very protective towards children and very aggressive with people he believes to hurt children.

In a later episode of season one, Dick tracks down a man with Kori after Rachel runs away with Gar. Once he realizes that the man has seen Rachel, let alone in the woods, he immediately goes into attack mode. At that point he believed that Rachel was alone, he didnt know about Gar and he didn’t know that she was with anyone. He punches the man and starts asking if he did anything to her, he goes protective and is very close to breaking that guys nose before his daughter runs out of her room and sees what’s going on, making Dick stop.

Personally, I loved that aspect of his character. It’s not only foreshadowing at the fact that he’s going to become an older brother, I personally think it also hints at a very traumatic event that happened to him in the comics.

It made me so sad to see him lose that aspect of himself after season one. I suppose the overprotective violence faded along side his other more regular violence.

I loved his violent characterization throughout the first two seasons, it really helps understand his character and him as a person.

In the first season, whenever he’s wearing the Robin suit he’s physically incapable of stopping himself from getting too violent, no matter how much he may want to without the costume on.

He stabs people, breaks peoples noses, nearly makes people bleed out, stomps peoples faces in, everything under the sun except kill them. That’s the whole reason he left Gotham, that’s the whole reason he held a grudge against Bruce in season one.

The journey we go through with Dick in season two is an amazing depiction of his character.

The literal order of events just screams mental breakdown to me and the episodes following made me think he had a psychological break, then we find out that he’s just like that.

The events go like this. First Dick starts seeing hallucinations of his father figure which he hates and that’s apparently just a normal thing that happens in Dick’s day to day life? Then he goes Robin mode, hurting a man he used to work with because he’s annoyed with the hallucination of his father. Then he goes to a dance club and nearly kills a man that works with Slade because he has a secret he needs to hide?? Then his traumatized nineteen year old brother tries to kill himself and what does Dick do? He trauma dumps all over Jason hoping that it’ll make him feel better and not want to die. (It doesn’t) then everyone he loves leaves him. He then decides to go visit the mother of the kid he thinks he got killed and finds himself talking to Slade. My guy then books a flight across the world because the fucking assassin with one eye who killed his own son said that he needed to repent by being in isolation?? You know what this dude does instead of going to Japan like he’s supposed to? He assaults two police officers to get himself seven years in jail. You know who he doesn’t tell? Gar. The teenager he left in charge of watching Superman’s clone with no other orders than, ‘call Bruce if he wakes up’ when he knows Bruce will not answer.

Then the dude breaks these gang members out of jail so they don’t get deported, that gets him thrown in solitary. You know what he does in solitary? Hallucinates his dad, fights him in his imagination, and then breaks out of jail.

When Dick eventually grows into his own person after all that insanity, when he becomes Nightwing— he forgives Bruce. It’s another aspect about his characterization that I love. Dick is forgiving, in a good and bad way, until he isn’t.

Dick doesn’t care what people do to him, it’s one of his biggest flaws. He lets himself get hurt over and over again and he just takes it. He lets his peers absolutely bash him and openly hate him, but he’s always still there for them. He always still supports them.

He knows Bruce turned him into a weapon, but he still went back. He went back and tried to ignore everything and forget about all the awful things Bruce did to him. He never directly talks to Bruce about it, sure he’s passive aggressive during [redacted’s] funeral dinner in season 2 but he never actually talks about anything.

The only time he snaps at Bruce is after Jason dies.

After his brother, who he didn’t treat like a brother, dies, he’s trying to cope. Everyone is. He knows Bruce copes in a different way and he respects it, what he doesn’t respect is the fact that Bruce is trying to rope in another child to be Robin. He’s trying to replace Jason right after he dies. That’s when Dick loses his temper.

Even after everything, it takes someone else being hurt for Dick to speak his mind. He never really stands up for himself, he stands up for other people and bottles in his emotions.

Comics

In the comics, Dick is much similar. He bottles up his emotions until he physically can’t.

He’s always trying to be happy, even Nightwing isn’t serious. For Bruce, Batman is a way to let out his true self. Batman is the real Bruce, Bruce Wayne is the mask he hides behind.

It’s exactly the opposite for Dick. Dick Grayson is the caring older brother who has no trauma and exists to help, Nightwing is the funny vigilante, he’s the protector of Blüdhaven who cracks jokes and never breaks a smile while fighting. Either way, Dick just trades in one mask for another.

The only times it’s genuinely him, is when he’s at his most vulnerable. When he isn’t around his family, his brothers, Bruce. That’s when the real him can come out, his real genuine emotions.

In a certain comic run that I’m unsure if it’s still canon or not, Dick gets assaulted. It’s before he has his facade, it’s right when it’s starting to develop. He’s sixteen.

Dick gets in a horrible fight with Bruce, it results in him either running away or getting kicked out, either way he isn’t with Bruce. The sixteen year old is left to fend for himself, then a 21 year old woman who’s targeting Wayne enterprises comes along.

She manipulates Dick and takes advantage of him (along with her husband I think) all to get to Bruce.

He never talks about it.

!! I WILL BE REPLYING TO THIS IN A REBLOG CAUSE THIS IS GETTING VERY LONG AND TYPING IS GETTING SLOW !!

#dick grayson #nightwing #trauma #dc titans #dc comics #dc universe #dcu #batman #batfam #jason todd #He’s so traumatized #:( #I love him #i love him so much #My poor boy #<333 #SORRY THIS IS SO LONG

[wizardpigeon]

on austinshow (?) in generation loss

(austin viewers pls forgive me if thats not the name he actually uses bc i do not watch him so idk im using the one they introduced him with and assuming its good)

i know a lot of people interpreted austins whole thing with the wife and kids as him being forced to lie by showfall but honestly the whole time my perspective

was that he was actively lying To The Viewers because he knew he'd have a better chance if he appealed to a wider audience/didnt reveal that he was gay,

like, i know he was introduced as

Austin Show | gay

but they cant see that, and the puzzler immediately calls him out for lying, and throughout the episode repeatedly asks him the names of his children and how many he has, which austin fucks up multiple times, so i assumed that he was intentionally trying to mislead the audience to protect himself, and showfall had the everyone prompt him as much as possible (and maybe got him to mention them more himself) in order to point out that something wasn't right about what he was telling us

now, i also want to point out, (and this is from another theory ive seen tying back to the mind control) that austin doesn't have anything on his head, and one theory i saw is that everyone else, barring sneeg until the hat, had something on their head in that episode,

ranboo with their mask

niki, vinny, and sneeg with hats

charlie and ethan with their glasses

rats with masks,

and jerma/puzzler with the prosthetics although that ones a bit more meta since based on charlies commentary it actually looked a lot more real/seamless in person than on camera

but austin isnt wearing anything, and hes arguably the most freaked out, like sure niki is sobbing but she switches the second shes in the spotlight she switches to being collected and upbeat, the only other person we see as visibly disturbed as austin is sneeg during the hat sequence,

throughout the entire carousel scene austin is looking around, visibly nervous, and like others have pointed out, he kept staring at frank, who since the reveal of the filter thing, everyones been pretty agreed on is probably like, a full on rotting corpse that they were just carting around,

so i think that while showfall had some influence on austin, his actions more than anything, they didnt have full control over his words, and they were definitely letting him see at least some of what was going on,

whether they were allowing him to lie and behave so nervously is anyones guess, it certainly makes the program more interesting, but the way he talks so desperately about his many wives and children reads to me as something a queer person would probably do if placed in some kind of saw esque game show where we had to appeal to the largest majority of viewers to survive

i like the way people have taken it as showfall stripping him of his identity, but to me, i read it as them outing him, which, also in my mind works closer with the theme of what fans/fan culture will do to "celebrities" (see kit connor with heartstopper however many years ago that was), and the fact that showfall outed him without care that his situation was dangerous just drives this further home for me

#generation loss analysis #gen loss analysis #genloss austin #austin show #austin show gen loss #generation loss #gen loss #gen loss thoughts #gl austin

[mazzystar24]

OMG i still feel like I'm in a fever dream. I keep refreshing tumblr just to make sure that it HAPPENED.

We've been waiting for this for so long, i can't believe that they made Buck Bi!! Also here is the thing i want Buddie to happen and I am a hundred percent sure that it's happening (i don't know why people are thinking that it's not like???) the way i could see this going down is buck and tommy exploring their relationship and Buck beginning to question more and more things such as his relationship with Eddie. I WANT and him and Tommy to be in a relationship for a while (because they're actually pretty cute) and eddie pining. tommy will be the catalyst for Buddie.

Also: Oliver stark literally said, Buck has a crush, gets the person (exactly what happened with tommy) and that he has to work for his relationship to work and ryan saying "closer than ever??"

I also hate the fact that so people are mad and hating on the actors , that it wasn't with Eddie. Like of course a Buddie conformation would've been great, but we all knew that that wasn't gonna happen in this episode? We got FUCKING BI BUCK !!! Let's just celebrate this and just watch this beautiful story unfold. I really love reading your prediction and your positivity, please continue with that !!!

What do you think is going to happen in the next episodes? Sorry for the long ask!!

Sameee like I keep trying to be normal then I REMEMBER I’m like wow I didnt hallucinate that??

Exactly like they flat out called Tommy a plot device, confirmed he’s here for a little bit and that it’s a fling, so enjoy it as much as you want to while it’s here but don’t lose hope for buddie people? like legit this is the biggest confirmation buddie is on the horizon

YES THE INTERVIEWS HAVE BEEN REALLY FEEDING INTO MY DELUSION

Like let’s not forget Ryan saying they’re trying to give the people what they want🫡and that they are closer than ever - like legit he has no reason to say this in the same season buck realises he’s bi unless something BIG is gonna happen for buddie (maybe not full canon but vibes???)

Anyone hating on the actors can legit fight me.

Oliver and Ryan have been such troopers for the fandom and Oliver now with this storyline you can tell how much he genuinely loves buck and like understands him as a character but also how to give this storyline what it deserves. Like Oliver has been endlessly respectful to the fandom too like he’s been making sure that he doesn’t get peoples hopes up while also trying to play buck in a way that is true to the character. Like did you guys see his message to the fans? Or his interview talking about how he was gonna actively play buck as bi this season as much as he can even before he got told abt the kiss. Like that man hasnt just been supportive of the fandom he’s been an advocate for us and for buck which is such a wonderful thing.

Also yeah it wasn’t Eddie but do people realise that it’s VERY hard to write an up to now presumed straight character’s self discovery in their 30s LET ALONE TWO?? Like Tim found the easiest way to set the scene for the new audience and the GA who won’t have picked up on early seasons undertone and the little things planted throughout and while I would’ve loved buddie without the middleman I completely understand why they did it this way and I’ll enjoy seeing it unfold

And YES EXACTLY BI BUCK like that alone is a MASSIVE win like we are getting such rare bi rep of not only a guy in a very “macho” job and a womaniser type character BUT ALSO a person figuring stuff out in their 30s not in a repressed full of sex shame and guilt way but in a they genuinely just never explored that side of them!! Like that’s so huge we can talk for hours about how many queer rep stories are just plain depressing but this one is so authentic while also being quite light and sweet

Also aww thanks I genuinely love these asks sm (me? In love with everyone who sends me an ask? More likely than you think🤭🤭🤭)

Also omg I’m sorry this is so long like I spent most of this talking about everything except your question😭😭

Okay so predictions:

So we know that Buck is gonna tell some people and some will be surprised some not so much and some will be like it’s about damn time, my bets are:

chimney- surprised but maybe not through insider info (Maddie)

Maddie- KNOWS HAS KNOWN but the only shocker for her is that it wasn’t Eddie like I can imagine the confused and so tired face rn, I think she probs has either thought he knew or knew he didn’t and just was giving him the time and dropping as many hints as she can in the meanwhile

Bobby- supportive father icon, KNOWS (and while he also I fully believe is the buddie captain as well he will play it a little closer to vest if you get what I mean- but inside he’s going insane and his eye is twitching because he poached Eddie for his dumb bi son only for them to ACT married for six seasons and go to him for dating advice abt other people constantly and now that his son is a man kisser it’s not the man Bobby was hoping for😔 pray for him y’all)

Hen- she’s the it’s about damn time response

Athena- also might be the it’s about damn time response

Ravi- in a permanent state of confusion- not about this he’s just confused always (also still fully convinced the poor guy thought buddie had been married cos that headcanon is endlessly amusing to me)

Now for actual plot I think that like the date is low-key a train wreck after the Eddie and Marisol interruption and that either we get a chenford-like double date or we just have a brief intereuption from Eddie and that’s a minor thing and like it’s buck admitting it’s his first date with a guy who hates throws a lot of questions in the air because Tommys reaction was a bit 👀 like I think it’s more or less confirmed that Tommy was repressed for a while when working with captain dickhead so maybe he’s like gonna be taking a step back cos he thinks buck needs more time to like explore this part of himself (but I hate that trope so hoping not) or maybe we get the buddie shipper daydream and Tommy is like more aware of buddie than buddie are and he either says that to buck as the reasoning but buck doesn’t tell Eddie that OR he says something cryptic about it to buck and buck doesn’t fully understand and he’s like you will eventually👀👀👀 (I need a lobotomy yes the delusions are a part of me now)

I hope that Marisol gets the fuck out right about now but I say that every episode 🫡 (edy’s face and voice make me wanna scream I hate her homophobic, transphobic ass sm)

Anyways I’m gonna shut up now bye love ya thank ya and sorry 🫡🫡

#911 #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 abc #911 fox #evan buck buckley #911onfox #911 spoilers #buckley diaz family #asks #asks open #send asks #answered asks

[lizaluvsthis]

What got you to start drawing the boys do you take requests? Cause I like the cafe au

IT MIGHT SEEM CRAZY ON WHAT IM BOUT TO S-

When I said I've been a SMG4 fan for 4 years, I left the channel for i dunno how many weeks or months has it been. Then one day I saw WOTFI 2023 recommended in my youtube page and was.

"Wotfi 2023? But I thought- wait- who are these characters again?"

Turns out I forgot that Ive only seen SMG4 and SMG3's (cocomelon ass) designs during wotfi 2022 where it was both of their first redesigns from the movie. I stopped watching for a bit cuz I got busy.

Then I came back to see they were both redesigned in a better version now. Now that I thought about "where was their second redesign then?"

So I knew that I had to binge watch every single episodes from smg4's channel right after wotfi 2022

I then saw how much Three has changed ever since after the 2022th christmas episode.

If I were to be honest, watching igbp for the first time in my life even Mar10 day. I was about 85% sure that Smg3 worries too much for Smg4's sake.

They both are cosmically linked and three can feel what the other of his partner is feeling soooooo?

*circles both of my hands*

Three's gay. He looked fruity he felt fruity. During the movie and during right after he helped four's ass to get his channel back from running again.

It suddenly gave me some time for my brain to tell me "DUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS COULD BE A HINT- THIS IS MAYBE AN ENEMIES TO LOVERS!" I responded to my brain like- HELL YEAH I'M NOTING THAT DOWN.

Cuz I cant just sit here and just "watch the movie without sayin nothin" I HAD to do something AND make analysis about it because thats what I do when I notice simple details!

So when smg3 confessed those feelings of his to Smg4 and even running to save his life back again and even after saying "we're friends!" This gave me a bit of a shock. Three. Did you know what you did? Did you realize how much it meant for smg4? Did you FORGET- that you said you and him werent friends during the 2020th wotfi?

So then after all of this time... that means smg3 has been the one and always a tsundere to smg4

Even after the castle disappeared, him and three's chemistry started going into an actual progress from both of their chemistry from the relationship.

Thats a dedication for me right there. I do it not only for fun, I do it for my wants, have, and needs.

I know its funny for a minor like me to do all of this dedicaded in just a simple job, I have all kinds of specialities to include my works and skills and use them for this fandom again from how I did to the past ones. (But those past fandoms are dead-)

Ahem- what was I talking about again? Oh right- 3 and 4... sorry got a little bit too chatty-

So I noticed even more about Smg3's notebook and was like- "gahd damn- three had his own personal notebook this whole time?! Whats even inside of it? I'm curious..." so yeah-

Now jumping to where I watched 2023 of wotfi again (twice now) to see its context about it- I was flabberGHASTED in after the "drawing" and also the mysterious tv guy whose also appearing on as the final antagonist in the modern era and a new one from the new era.

"Holysht. This is about to go bonkers for the fans making up stuff about those 'what-ifs' that smg4 made from the previous video back then. (The part where waluigi won or desti being alive)

I'm curious enough to see what happens and even if its about tv adware. Yes too.

(THERE. In November I started to become quite more invested from the fandom and decided to drop in my luggage and load out all of my junks called Info-Analysis?)

So- hello! (Again-) :D it was a pleasure meeting every and one of you all- I stopped in just to come back from the fandom that I never made commentary about but now I can ^^

I started with doodling and knowing basic anatomy and shapes of SMG3 and SMG4's design (the new one) so that I could start on doodling about them. But what I didnt expect for myself is that I had created a long time chapter of "Indigo Secret" that wasn't supposed to be there on purpose.

It was just supposed to be a "silly" comic about it from where ■■■■■■■■ to ■■■■■■■ about the problem and then the part in this that came into ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ from ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■

*BEEP*

I took myself a big motive after my blog gained 10+ followers and more notes. I thought working here 24/7 would make me feel something more for destiny and the trip!

So- yeah. Work. :) even when I'm at school I also complete my assignments and all of the shts and after that I can continue on with continuing the pages and with some cute doodles with the boys from a scenario playing through my head.

Now you have me making all of this and that ^^

Thats whay I'm popular for :)

--

---

--

2nd answer...

Thank you for liking the cafe au! It means so much to the both for me and shay from the collab to move on!

I did say from my boundaries I take free art request 1 at a time only- and I could allow a second art request if I do have the time ^^

Yes I do take art request :)

(Except for-

oc-shipping with SMG3/SMG4 cuz they're both together in the au

NSFW

Some stuff that I can't approve on-)

Ask away :)

Thanks for asking me stuffs anon I really enjoy talking ^^

#lizaluv #smg34 #smg4 #smg3 #smg4 smg3 #mario #smg3 coffee n bombs #shygirl4991

[as-i-watch]

Episode 5 veredict:

5/5 Straw Hats 👒👒👒👒👒

Nothing is 100% perfect, but using decimals is for cowards bitches

The good:

Baratie is the best set so far hands down

God i love Taz's Sanji. He had three lines of dialogue but his was the first straw hat that inmediately felt like the charecter

Also Zeff, i have nothing negative to say, perfect Zeff, perfect with Sanji. Perfect duo.

Garp. I fucking love this Garp so much. Him and Luffy just screaming at eachother and throwing canon balls at eachother from their ships was so funny. I want to see where they go with it but introducing Garp this early was a really big move for the LA and i think so far it payed off.

MIHAWK. Not even necessary to point out how perfect the costume is but Steven Ward got the tone of the charecter perfectly fucking right!!

Sure they deleted Don Krieg but i actually didnt mind it in the end? There was no actual 'bad guy' but i liked it. I thought all episodes now would follow the syrup village format of stablishing the villain in the first ep, ending with a cliffhanger and the next ep had the full third act kinda battle. But the plot needed to slow down, they needed to give more time for the crew to bond and Baratie first half is the perfect moment to do that, and also an opportunity for the rest of the crew to get to know eachother without Luffy as a conduit (he was busy being a busboy). So yeah, i dont mind they didnt even introduced Krieg this ep as the villain of the arc, bc we got Zoro and Nami playing drinking games, Luffy and Sanji talking about dreams in a quiet moment at the kitched, and drunk Usopp busting some moves.

Oh god Mihawk's and Zoro's fight. It was almost exactly like in the anime, and i usualy hate frame by frame replications in adaptations of this kind, but that fight was iconic and perfect, they knew they didnt have to mess with that. But not only that, it was perfectly executed. It managed to capture the same emotion as the anime (something that other key moments so far fail to get it right spcially in backstories and flashbacks)

Again, kudos to Mackenyu for all the sword fight, holy shit they are becoming my fav things in the show

Ehh could'e been better:

There were only two moments in this ep that made me go :/

Luffy's argument to get Zeff to accept the IOU. Luffy never cared about status and what being King of the Pirates would mean, he dont care about having hand or the benefits the title would bring him. Pulling that card felt very strange, the most natural thing for Luffy was to just stare at Zeff dead in the eye and just say he's broke af

Nami not leaving. Stealing the ship and leaving them at Baratie was huge deal and what prompted they way into Arlong Park. But more of a plot point it was huge for Nami's charecter, bc she was still trying to convice herself that she hadnt become friends with those idiots, bc she still hated all pirates, bc she still tried to present a cold 'i dont need no one' kinda facade. But LA Nami had already admited not only that she was friends with the boys but also that she was part of the crew. Thats ok but now the issue is that her stealing Merry makes little sense, and even leaving at all makes little sense. Dont get me wrong, i love this Nami and i like the direction they gave the charecter, but i think maybe they neglected a bit her own personal growth and inner conficts, which is what sets te base for everything that happens to her at Arlong Park later on

#you didnt ask for it and yet here it is: my opinion #opla #one piece LA

[las-tortugas-ninja]

ok im gonna drop my character analysis on splinter/lou jitsu because im tired of people hating on him.

lets think about the circumstances he was in for moment. image you spent your life as a kickass action star only to get kidnapped by the person you loved and forced to fight in the battle nexus. you have to go through the grief of being betrayed by someone you shouldve been able to trust while now living in a chamber (which looks like it has just the poorest living conditions) and you have zero contact to the outside world, AND your ex who got you into this mess is using you for profit and throws you into fights you have no say in for peoples entertainment for who knows how long! i dont think its ever been stated how long he has been living like that!

now on top of all that imagine the moment you escape you get turned into a fucking rat. now i know its usually joked about but seriously being a rat does seem to really bother splinter and if you think about for like 5 seconds? yeah? why wouldnt it? he basically had his body changed in ways he did not consent to.

so yeah obviously after all that this guy is mentally ill as fuck and i bring all this up because of course it affects his parenting. imagine going through all that and now you have to be a dad to FOUR children (all of which are babies at this time) that you understand none of the biology of, and you have to raise them with ZERO outside support (seriously why doesnt anyone talk about that. what does he do if he needs someone to babysit them or one of them gets sick cause he aint a docter) all this combined makes me think yeah. ofc hes not gonna do a good fucking job.

and when the boys are teenagers and dont need the 24/7 supervision they did as babies. you see splinter spending a lot of his time watching tv melting into the recliner because * drum roll * he is depressed. i do not think he is lazy i think he is depressed and probably traumatized but he never had time to process that trauma because he had to be a dad.

because he spends so much time sulking in the living room his sons (specifically donnie) feel like he doesnt want to spend time with them and are reasonably upset with him.

so in the 22nd episode of the first season when splinter tricks donnie into entering the demolition derby. that was an eye opener for him to be better. he saw the absolute hurt in donnie’s eyes and tone of voice because he thought he wanted to spend time with him. that was the eye opener he needed to realize “oh shit. i really fucked up. i need to spend time with my sons. i need to be better for them.” and he apologizes to donnie because yeah, what he did wasnt okay.

and you can tell he changed for his sons because in “hidden city’s most wanted” you can tell all he wanted to do was spend time with mikey.

and the thing is there is nothing that can convince me his sons (and april to admitably) dont mean the fucking world to him. when draxum tells him that before him he had no purpose, that he was a husk of a man he says hes not lost anymore because he has his sons. his sons were the first thing he thought of when he needed a reason to why his life didnt fucking suck now.

this man went against the hamato clan teachings and almost got all of humanity killed for the sake of his sons. he loves his sons and he hasnt been great to them and he wants to change because he knows they deserve better. there is literally so much love emanating from this family.

a lot of people say that splinter is abusive/neglectful and im not denying that hes not perfect but jesus you can criticize his parenting without treating him like an irredeemable monster (because he is redeemable and he did change for the better)

also i know yall arent gonna wanna hear this but someones gotta say it cause its the truth: in general people will be harder on ethnic parents and treat them less like actual people capable of making mistakes. yes splinter is a rat but he is still ethnically japanese. he is a person of color and as someone whos been in fandom for awhile yeah people are suspiciously a lot more forgiving to white parents who make mistakes compared to when parents of color make them. i really do think its causing a bias.

#rottmnt #tmnt #splinter #lou jitsu #hamato yoshi #long post #character analysis

[sobeksewerrat]

Ok so idk if ur ever gonna watch this show but just incase there are a ton of spoilers here, anyway chuck bass rant here we go:

So, in the pilot episode of the show we’re introduce to the main character of the show, serena, but that’s not who i wanna talk about. I wanna talk abt the ABSOLUTE SHITHEAD that is chuck bass. The first time we see him interact with serena, she’s drinking, obviously distraught after lying to her best friend. But bcs he’s the worse he comes up to her and tries to flirt, she immediately makes it clear she’s not interested and calls him a pig (also while he’s ‘flirting’ he says that he prefers a girl when she’s not talking, absolutely no red flags here.) But because she’s been drinking and isn’t in a right state of mind, she tells him she’s hungry and since they’re in a hotel his family owns they go into the kitchen. 

He pays all the chefs to leave so he and serena are alone. Serena raves abt the sand which and he says AND I QUOTE “Well, if you're looking for a way to thank me I've got a couple ideas.” and she rightfully tells him it’s just a sandwhich. He then tries to come onto her and she’s obviously scared. He then proceeds to try and blackmail her with the fact she slept with someone’s boyfriend. She tells him that she’s trying to change and that she isn’t that person anymore, ALL WHILE HES STILL FORCING HIMSELF ONTO HER. Serena kicks him in the balls like the girlboss she is, BUT THAT ISNT EVEN WHERE IT ENDS.

In the same fucking episode, he tries to take advantage of this girl, Jenny, because she’s like 14 and doesn’t know how to spot guys like that. He asks her to go somewhere private to ‘talk’ and i’m sure u can see where this is going. She then texts her brother, Dan, who is on a date with serena that she’s having problems with a guy, Dan goes to help her and Serena says she wants to come with him bcs she knows Chuck is dangerous. They reach the rooftop and Dan punches him like icon he is and they leave the party.

Most people’s excuse for these situations is “It was the pilot episode! They wanted to make him the villain back then!” Which would be an alr excuse IF HE DIDNT KEEP DOING IT.

A few seasons later, he sleeps with a 16 yr old jenny when he’s 20. When he and Serena become step-siblings he’s constantly making incest jokes and is STILL COMING ONTO HER. He attempts to hit his girlfriend, but thankfully misses, hitting the window behind her because he’s drunk, but still scaring her face with the glass shards. And so much more I can’t even remember right now, because it happens SO OFTEN.

During the time he does all of these things he’s supposed to be ‘redeemed’ and the writers are portraying him as a good guy who we should feel bad for and all his fans treat the fact that he fell in love with his girlfriend that he constantly abuses as some zuko level redemption arc.

Sry this is long and probably has a ton of grammar mistakes i wrote it in one go without going back to check anything. ANYWAY ALL THE HOMIES HATE CHUCK BASS, SRY FOR RANTKNG 😭 <34

(TW: SA & Rape)

What the fuck.

You can make abusive characters compelling and even likeable but this just ain't it.

#sobek yes #rory<¾ #sadly i dont think i cam watch it the description seems a tad bit too much for me #tw sa #tw abuse

[mcfuckity]

I know a few people who dislike huntlow and say stuff like:"this ship is super rushed, hunter has to work on himself, he doesn't understand romance and it is the last thing he needs" but they ship huntric and lumity🥴like you dislike huntlow for being rushed and hunter not being able to understand romance but you ship hunter and edric who interacted only once 🤡 something tells me those are not the reasons why those people dislike this ship, but completely for different ones🫣 and they are afraid to admit. Again i don't have problem with people who dislike huntlow but i have problem with people who drag huntlow down meanwhile shipping edric and lumity. Again every person has a right to dislike or like a ship. And what is so interesting that the majority of people never brought these excuses for amity when they shipped so much lumity and attacked everybody who wasn't a fan of this ship. And also unlike amity hunter didn't have that much problems with morality, didn't harm intentionally willow and gus, even when he got them captured he still tried to fix mistake. He actually owned up to his mistakes and had to learn it the hard way. Meanwhile amity wasnt addressed for her awful behaviour and shifted the responsibility of her actions on to her parents. And she didnt even try to reconcile with willow. She suddenly became a "sofgtie" out of nowhere without getting called out and only around luz. I am sorry folks but this is not a proper redemption. People also dislike willow and gus for not being plot relevant when its clearly writers fault for not giving them episodes to shine, and it is not as infuriating as amity who got a lot of episodes dedicated to her but still ending as a "girlfriend" who doesnt do much. No offense to amity stans and they literally whine all the effing time like why people dont talk about amitys trauma, when it was the only thing discussed during s1-s2, as if all these talks and fanarts about amity wasnt enough. They always bring up amity literally all the time. 

I agree and I’ve discussed this before. I recently haven’t said anything because I want the whole show to be over before rewatching it and having a retrospective to see if anything changes. I have talked about this before though.

I adore Huntlow/Winter and I love that they are still separate and unique characters while being together. I hate the stupid excuse that Hunter isn’t “ready for a relationship” because it makes no sense. A traumatized kid just found people who makes him feel seen, heard, and loved. He also got a crush on someone who ALSO experienced mistreatment and cares so much about him. I can see why Hunter would like Willow and vice versa. I CAN’T see how Luz would like Amity since she’s BEEN bullied and she SAW Amity bully Willow. I have no idea why Luz was all in Amity’s face.

The popular fanon ships are so frustrating because they’ll just ship Hunter w a yt person with the same logic he got with Willow for.

I haven’t seen any Willow and Gus hate but they were literally sidelined to make Amity look good because they know that she didn’t have a real redemption. It makes no sense that Amity got so much screentime just to keep reiterating herself as Luz’s gf but never have Willow and Gus be there for Luz to reiterate their friendship. Hell, even in s1 and Amity was barely there, the fans literally favored her and made so much fanart of her replacing Willow and Gus/ making them background support to lumity. It was literally just “tomato Amity” and “idiot Luz” fanart flooding my feeds. At least Huntlow art has character. Amity needs nothing else.

Then the show damn near goes out the way to have Lumity on one side and Emerald Trio on the other with sprinkles of Amillow interactions to be like “See? They’re all friends 😇”. It’s getting tired fr.

#long post #the owl house #toh #toh critical #toh criticism #toh opinion #hunter deamonne #gus porter #willow park #luz noceda #toh hunter #amity blight #huntlow #toh winter #lumity critical #anti lumity #ask #long ask #toh 2 #toh 3

[thetriztheexistentialneko]

Tag game, cause i got tagged but i dont really have anyone to tag myself qwq

Tagged by @horse-doctor

Last song: The Eternal September | Kitten Burst OST | Jam2go

Fav color: Blue dont really have a favorite shade in mind.

Currently watching: Pluto not into anime that much but i saw a video essay by curious archive called "sympathy for the machine" talking about how people will project themself on to robots in media how we perceive them on the same level of consciousness and free will as an actual person. in that vid it brought up North #2's story of being a retired war robot who want to learn to play piano because hes permanent scared by his time fighting and wanted to create something rather than destroy. ive always loved robots and im always a sucker for sad robots stories and gave it a watch, with my only impression of pluto being that vid i didnt know anything about the detective plot b4 hand and got pleasantly surprised, only got like 2 episode left of it

Sweet/Savory/Spicy: a tie between savory and spicy cant really pic a fav, love the savoriness of meat but love stuff that has a spicy kick as well

Relationship Status: Was in a year long committed relationship but got dumped a couple days before our 1 year anniversary, only just now getting over it almost 4 months later

Current Obsession: Kitten Burst I fucking love y2k stuff in general so just a really fun gayme where you can fly around super fucking fast as a flying kitty (:3) to a genuinely good ost has just infected me with brain rot. currently near the end of the game but i plan to 100% next few play sessions

Last thing i googled: Bulldog Chest Harness saw a bunch of furry art with the artist's sonas wearing them and ive been considering getting one for myself. think they look super cool in general and i wanna wear one out over a shirt because half of the bdsm harness's/cuff/collars i see im just like "damn, that just kinda looks good in general. i need to get one of those both for kink AND general wear!". anyway i think i can make an outfit to pull that off lol (currently do got a collar with matching cuffs on the way as well so im super excited 👀)

Yeah i dont really have any other mutuals ive interacted as much as horse so i cant really tag them without the anxiety of just randomly tagging them qwq

#Youtube #tag game

[yourwolfmuzzle]

This fucking “you have a cat ears and i think they cute” stuff is stuck in my brain for tooooo long and not for a good reasons like “ah its a cute thing in confession” (outside of cute animation, i cant lie to myself that i didnt was “omg they move cute c:” in this whole scene okay? Im sucker when R/WBY pull up cute characters animation and going a great job.).

People already talk about strange Yang complementing Blake ears because its sound too close to some people having...tooooo much strange attraction to black people or specific parts of black people. Ehhhhh........................... Listen i wish its was “you have beautiful eyes” kinda lvl of compliment but you cant just...make human character compliment her faunus girlfriend that she has cute ears when before that for 7-8 volume calling faunus just animals was a bad fucking thing (AGAIN you cant just jump from “faunus racism is the thing in this world” into “omg cute animal people! cute ears and animal traits!”. Just because you kill Jaques do not mean “we destroy racism, racism no more!”)

I wish i can say that “its just Yang way to say compliments” and confession scene even HAD “Yang being shit in compliments\flirting” with “you got a good...brain” but its still dont work because with what we have its sound like not the best thing to say to faunus person. She can compliment litteraly other thing in Blake looks that will not totch this whole aspect. Hell, you can even bring up “Yang talking about Blake hair” and kinda involve this compliment into “you change so much” kinda deal? Or go into “beautiful eyes” thing. Its basic af, but its work + people love analysing this fact that they have complimentary eyes colors (and i say this as a fucking FairGame shipper and we ATE this “parallels in the eyes colors” shit) so its can work even on lvl “you have beautiful eyes”. OR if you REALLY want to talk about ears, why not bring up thing about bow? (and maybe finally do something with “Yang having zero connection with the fact that her partner is in minority group who is also activist and we do not know what she even thinking about this at all”) Literally anything, why “cute cat ears”?

Even if we imagine that there is no racism allegory and there is just...animal people and thats it, its still strange to hear and go into “character dont interact enough” or “bring the stuff that you was thinking was never a thing or was no question”. Before this i was thinking that they never show us more non-flirting interactions with Blake and Yang and with other characters just in general because we have small around of episode and “uh we cant just put characters interactions in between big plot”. I accept that Yang dealing with her prosthetic, trauma and Blake dealing with her problems and “post killing” affects will be offscreen like FINE OKAY I GUESS THIS IS NOT THAT INTERESTING MAKE CHARACTERS DEALS WITH THEY TRAUMA (not “trauma porn” just healing process). But with this one compliment i just now cannot think. Now this one thing telling me they not just interact off screen but you telling me they didnt even had like friendly interactions?

Like...i dont know i maybe dont get it. Maybe i just have this privilege to tell easily to my friends how cool they are or how cute they look and friends can also tell me openly about this without go into “omg are we flirting? Are you trying to do something there?”. Maybe i just was lucky to tell people, who i hardly can call “a friends” but more like “acquaintances”, that i like they new cool haircut or they cool at this one thing. Maybe i JUST lucky bitch but if this is really normal thing to do and this is not just me...you telling me they never talk about simple stuff like this and this is was always “flirt action” type of interactions?

I maybe overreacting about this, i maybe nitpicking or this is just thing that a problem only for me, you can openly tell me! This confession scene had other thing to write about a whole ass post for a good or really bad reasons.

I just think such a simple thing in such a important scene that some people was waiting since vol1 is giving bad taste in mouth. Simple stuff is important.

#rwde

[cornfields-td-nonsense]

i kinda wanna know more of esther as a character, how her personality differs from zeeks, how her farmgirl brain works, etc. it would also be cute to see if the siblings have any quirks they share

Yesss an excuse to talk about the character that kicked this whole thing off! You will (probably) not regret this.

Alright y'all might have seen that character ref sheet I made of her a little while back. It was made back when I was first creating her (before most of the nautilus cast even existed) and I'm thinking of redoing it, just to keep it up to date. There haven't been any super drastic changes but I wanna make sure it's all accurate. Anyway, Esther time!

(This turned into a life story recap so im putting it under a readmore so it doesn't clog ur feed :P)

Like her older brother Ezekiel, Esther was born and raised on a farm far from the alien world of the suburbs, by Mary and Patrick Miller (bonus points to anyone who can guess who the parents are named after). And, like Zeke, Esther was taught some... regressive values by her father. She was described as a 'free spirit' as a child - she couldn't sit still, she'd hurt herself while climbing trees or playing with the animals and brush it off like it was nothing, and she seemed to have an endless well of energy and enthusiasm for pretty much anything. But as time went by, Patrick decided that these traits had stopped being cute or endearing, as he viewed her free-spirited nature as something to grow out of. And quickly.

When Esther and Zeke were still young, but old enough to work with food without injuring themselves, Mary would allow them to help her in the kitchen, preparing meals and baked goods. It was some great and valuable bonding time for the siblings, and for them and their mother. But then Zeke turned thirteen and Patrick decided that just like that, it was time for him to become a man - and as he saw it, men certainly should not waste their time in the kitchen. The more the siblings grew older, the more it felt to both of them - Esther especially - that they were being raised individually by their parents. Patrick taught Zeke to toughen up and act more like the future 'man of the house' should, and Esther was taught domestic chores by Mary. Both of them had to 'know their place', but Esther always felt like her mother's heart wasn't in it. She didn't show nearly the same passion in teaching Esther to sit still, smile, and speak when spoken to, as Patrick showed when teaching Zeke how to hunt. (He never talked about what happened on these hunting trips, and Esther never asked. She got the feeling he didnt want to talk about them.) Neither Mary nor Esther were happy with their place, and though they never spoke about it, there was a sort of camaraderie between them, an unspoken understanding that they were in the same boat.

Then Zeke found out from his permitted 10 minutes of television per day that there was going to be this new show called Total Drama. And everything changed.

Esther actually helped her brother audition - they both worked together to make their father extra happy so he'd be more likely to say yes. Esther tried extra hard to do all her chores to perfection, didn't complain once, and almost forgot what the sound of her own voice was like. Patrick said it was the most well-behaved he'd ever seen her. (She had to accidentally-on-purpose burn the food and knock over the milk jug the week after to make herself feel better.) And she even held the camera to record Zeke's audition tape.

They... probably should have taken the fact that Zeke accidentally shot Mary with a fake arrow as a bad omen, and not sent in the tape. That's what Esther thought later, anyway.

The episodes air and Zeke is the first boot. Patrick is not happy about this. What followed was Patrick spending the rest of the day at the nearest available phone, making a series of long angry phone calls to the producers of the show, while Mary and Esther go about their day wearing earplugs.

I should mention that Esther was twelve at this time, soon to turn thirteen, and she was kind of dreading her birthday. Given how much had changed when Zeke hit this milestone, she didn't want to think about what would happen if the same was in store for her.

Turns out not much was different, to her relief. She was sent on more errands out of the house, but that was pretty much it.

This marked the point of Esther spending more and more time outside of the house, always returning home late and having some excuse in her back pocket. Being at home was just... too complicated. With Zeke gone, tensions were rising, and she did not want to be there when they boiled over.

Spending more time out of the house also gave Esther ample opportunity to snag more time watching TD. She managed to watch the first two full seasons while sitting in a 70s themed diner with a tiny little TV set that happened to play a lot of Total Drama. And, like literally every other preteen/early teen girl watching TDI, she had a crush on Gwen. Watching the show was the starting point for her figuring out she was bisexual, which was a whole journey in of itself.

Not only that, but watching the girls on the show helped Esther question what Patrick had instilled in her. These girls were strong, and cool, and skilled, and smart. The final four were two boys, two girls. The final two was a boy and a girl. They were equals, something that wouldn't have been revolutionary to your average viewer, but was utterly earth-shattering to Esther.

Then after TDA, Zeke returned for a little while and he seemed... different? But he was still Zeke and Esther was just happy to see him.

And then he got called back.

And then World Tour happened.

And Esther watched the whole thing unfold in that 70s-style diner, watching everything her brother went through on that tiny little television set while surrounded by people who had no idea who she was.

...

Okay that was a downer so have a few light hearted Esther facts to wrap this thing up

- She had a pet horseshoe when she was five. She tied twine around it like a leash and dragged it along the ground behind her. She named it Harry.

- Her favourite colour is green.

- She used to go digging for buried treasure out in the fields when she was young. It got so bad that her parents thought there was a mole infestation. She did find a few old coins, a bottle and a handful of animal bones, so that was pretty cool.

- She and Zeke used to play 'the corn chip game'. The idea was that you would take it in turns to eat from a plate of corn chips, only taking a small handful at most each turn, and the person who ate the last chip was the loser. It would get very competitive, and made a single plate of chips last hours. No joke. You were technically allowed to break the chips to create more, but you had to do a forfeit if they broke (usually stuff like: kiss the ground, say the ABCs while standing on your head, drink pond water).

#total drama #total drama nautilus #tdn esther #the zeke archives #total drama oc

[onlineproblems]

@jjohnnyutah okay I'm out of the shower. here goes, the xfiles word vomit

i wish i remembered more of season 1 and i guess 2 but i started watching like a year ago and i wasnt sure how i felt about it at the time and sort of half paid attention to the majority of the episodes. i plan to rewatch anyway but most of my excitement for the show peaked around mid-late season 2, when i felt like i knew what was going on (that didnt last) and i understood the dynamics between all the characters.

nobody could ever guess /s but i ADORE scully. i love and identify with her repressed catholic/survivors guilt and inability to express herself and the way she puts too much of herself into a quest that wasn't even hers to start with. and then finally opens up and leaves her shell and gets to be silly later in the show with a wry, dry humor that complements mulder's goofiness.

i think the baby arc is one of the dumbest things i've ever seen (not that i've seen all of it yet, but jesus it's so dumb). maybe it's because i'm a bitter childless hag but i dont relate to her intense desire to have children and i feel like when she got pregnant the writers absolutely mauled her personality to death. ffs they already put her through every other torture they could devise, why not a lobotomy? everyone knows motherhood makes you weak-willed and stupid. i mean im exaggerating but it's because the anger is fresh lol.

I'm so so scared to watch the revival because i don't want it to warp my nostalgic understanding of the characters. i love them and want them to live forever in a little bubble in Vancouver, fighting the moth men (yes that ep was so good) and getting up to shenanigans while CSM and Krycek does his incompetent bullshit off to the side.

I've seen several people talk about Jewish Mulder and i think the idea makes a lot of sense, and didn't they even reference it a time or two in the show? like the ep with the golem? i got mad when they gave him a Christian burial lol.

i like mulder's appreciation for the beauty in the weird and how he doesn't give a shit for what anyone thinks of him except Scully. i like that he's so wrapped up in the wonders out there but is also staunchly atheistic.

i didn't want Samantha's disappearance to be solved because it seemed like such a trite ending to mulder's trauma and the ultimate mystery in his life. i guess it was a good enough solution, but her abduction was what fueled him and gave him meaning and to wrap it up with a bow felt...idk, dismissive almost. i wanted closure for him but not necessarily answers. if your life's meaning is to search for answers, and suddenly you can have all the answers to the universe, where do you find meaning then? I may not be making sense lmao

and i think that's when i enjoy the x files most, when it's not trying to package things all neatly. maybe it's trying to ask a question, or maybe it's just trying to have fun, or both, but it's not trying too hard. the mythology is too much for me and frankly detracts from my enjoyment of... it. they wanted something epic and mysterious and then couldn't make any sense out of their own cryptic bullshit.

self-contained episodes like clyde bruckman, asking a question about determinism and big stuff like that without getting preachy or condescending, are excellent.

there's a hundred other things i could say but... that's enough for now lol.

[dojae-huh]

Hii….I am abee….I asked qstions before too…but decided to be known from now on…

https://youtu.be/Pen8IeNnxAE?si=OVh-ob9v4avNkwB2 So todays home not alone episode was filled with membrs praising doyoung which is what I live for….but my ask is abt some dfrnt moment… 1)35:09- 35:14 When membrs started to tell what ad would look good on jae,

dy: styler would look good on him Jae:( pleased) Johnny: STYLERRR??😏 tae: i am excited ( I am expecting the same nd looks at dy) Nd cut… What I want to say is…the way johnny reacted nd tae was expecting the same from his favourite…haha…they were so cute….poor dy he cant even support his bae without being attacked atleast with a smirk… Nd dy is not that innocent just wants to show off jae is his bf nd always support him with high quality things….nd poor tae always gets nothing at all from his fav…. 2) 32:8- 32:19--Another thing I noted was this moment…even though he didnt put JW in childrens line, but he does take care of him, nd worrys abt him…even johnny said it like " u r treating him like baby" ….nd JW is like why u act like that….I think dy is honestly kind ..he may hide nd lie for the sake of his job, but as a normal person he just cant stop be kind to others..nd I got it now why he said he prefer to be hated by someone rather than hating someone….haha…really cool… 3) 4:32 to 5:00 this moment when dy come inside of the house nd saw (hc,he,jh,jn) making coffe nd not helping with chores…ofcrs they lose , but there were lot of things to do , only hc come nd helped saying should I make it hyung,,…still dy nagged a little bit , to hc like it was not time to make coffees…haha…but I stand with him…there wre a lot to do if all members wants to eat..but they didnt even flinch from the seat..including jae who would jump if he hear the breathing sound of dy…so I kinda bit disappointed in that..I mean he said 3 times like nothing is started, ther is lot of things to do…but I think them all just woke up from sleeping ,so just let them pass..most of ppl gets grumpy when wakes up..nd dy is just a warry wart sometimes…but hc acted differently even tho he is the maknae…I wanted to point out that… 4) Here, I knw there would be 2dong content coming but they r hinting about it everywhere..like hc nd dy have the most reaction when eating..nd members approving them… 5) Lastly in the whole content ty called dy's name like 100 times…when u watch u will knw…haha… Ps: Your works r amazing…a truly talented observer…hasoff...nd all the best for the future...

Home not alone ep3

Hm, I found this "Styler" Korean magazine. It's about stylish things, home decor, clothes. It has a little bit of vintage and artsy style? Not luxury brands. Think Poetic beauty rather than Prada.

There is also a cooling (?) humidifying (?) wardrobe by this name 스타일러, but I doubt Do meant this specific product. A big jump from perfume.

Do was right to worry as Jungwoo demonstrated during DJJ he doesn't know his way around even a normal kitchen. Do has a habit of being cautious and fussy.

The winning team was given a task by the producers, Johnny and Jaehyun seemed to get too interested with that (JN is famous for liking coffee, Jae wanted to get the final result). Jungwoo doesn't cook. I was surprised Yuta was so helpful, usually he is the one to slack the most. He was in good spirits, had fun.

I don't think Jaehyun cooks much. He is named the best cook, but I suspect he just knows how to make a few dishes following a recipe.

I'll add what piqued my interest.

18:07 - Despite everyone talking one by one, Do heard Jae's quiet "hyung, it's really tasty" and replied. Later on he followed the convo while grilling, he really is "all ears" constantly, doesn't go inside his head.

22:11 - Doyoung asked Haechan to make him a wrap (meat+kimchi, they didn't have greens), Hyuk said "I can't", but started on it right away. Yuta thought Hyuk really refused and prepared to do it himself. A small thing, but shows Yuta is not too well versed in 2Dongs (because he doesn't live with them to know such minute details).

22:30 - Yuta brought Do meat, but Do said Yuta should just eat calmly, Do will just make Hyuk make him wraps. I don't know if age order plays here any role, probably for Do it's just easier to burden Hyuk as a more close person (and he sat nearby). Kind of like guest/family member at the dinner table distinction? Both of the guys ate, so both should have been equally hungry/non-hungry.

28:23 - Did Jaehyun want to defend Do? As in, he is not the only person who reacts during movies? His words seem to be cut off. He didn't continue his thought about Woo.

[poisonbat]

"The Giggle" thoughts

The post I promised, if you guys still wanna read it.

it's VERY long because I talk a lot, and gets into personal details and feelings, not all sunny ones.

I need to preface this with my status on discord currently.

Never 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 assume I'll agree with popular opinion. You'll only ever be wrong that way.

I am a strange individual with non-standard feelings, I kind of hate it because it makes me feel like a misfit in every community I come across. HOWEVER! My feelings I share are 100% my genuine ones and mine alone, and that's what's important.

Now.

I actually think this is a really good sequel to Legend of the Sea Devils, Remember the discussion yaz and the Doctor have on the beach?

The last 15 minutes of the giggle is really like a whole talk about that, between The Doctor and himself. The feeling that the doctor can never ever settle down and like process their trauma and like get back to a state of normalcy that they had before they started taking worse and worse hits to their lives. That they've never decided to stop and try to help themselves before they got so unstable and didn't know how to cope.

And in that context its also a good sequel to World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls/Twice Upon A Time, where the Doctor is so tired of this pattern of their life that they *refuse* to regenerate and act like someone dead set on commitfing suicide while their friends around them try to convince them not to.

(this is only his SECOND time he's died since the tenth doctor's whole "new man saunter's off" speech. in that time he's horribly lost more close friends, new family, a new lover. His oldest friend was seemingly mending herself and wanting to improve herself so they could be best friends again, and he had that cruelly ripped away from him by her past self and a momentary relapse. He doesn't even know that she stood by him in the end, in defiance of her younger self and she died for it.)

The twelfth doctor, in his wanting to die ae himself is already just wanting a reprieve and stop to what his life is. In the moment, he considers staying wherever the TARDIS has taken him until his body finally fully shuts down without regenerating. He wants it to end.

Glass/Memories Bill and Nardole bring up to the Doctor that he shouldn't end his life here, especially because, The Doctor is a net positive for the universe as was discussed earlier in the episode and understood by Bill from a talk with The First Doctor. To which, The Doctor replies, asking for the first time if he's ever allowed to take a break from what his life has become.

Bill and Nardole tell him that it is okay to rest, to take a break from what his life is. They just don't want him to die permanently, because they love him, he's their best friend, you know? He made a hugely positive impact on their lives and the universe, and they're trying to be there for him too, trying to give him permission and encourage him to rest and deal with his pain just so long as he doesn't end his life here.

Immediately, like lots of suicidals (trust me. i know, ive been here many times.) he immediately retorts how they don't understand the pain he's gonethru for so many years. He may be right in the literal sense, but in the broader sense he's just. exhausted and scared. Like we all can become when we experience constant pain and loss. But then he goes to thank them for being his friends, without giving them a concrete hope that he won't still end his life after all of this.

Of course, she didn't. But she wasn't okay, either. But she succeeded in one of the things she set out to do. She got every one of her companions home safely, without dying or having their lives ruined. A small but important victory after the constant loss of her loved ones before them.

Of course, the show didnt just outright play these scenes like flashbacks to hammer it into the audience. but we know russel's been watching the show, he's seen his friends work. It feels like more pieces to complete a puzzle thats been added to and being completed for the past 18 years.

being fair and honest to the text, What I felt was that it was an honest discussion about all of this. about all the pain and suffering from this and having to process it finally instead of running away from it. he took donna repeating what bill and nardole told him because he's felt guilty about what he did to her for all this time. He never forgot about what happened to her for 3 bodies since it happened. Her telling him the same things broke down his walls further, until they were crumbling. And then, bigenerating, he had HIMSELF telling him he needs to rest for them to get better.

From the way the Fifteenth Doctor is written, it sounds like that he does have memories of a full fourteenth doctor life that the fourteenth doctor hasn't lived yet, that he's benefitted from fourteen's retirement and that some day fourteen died and his updates consciousness came into the bigeneration into his current fifteenth body.

"we're time lords. we're doing rehab out of order"

it may just be my analysis of what's been put in front of me, but that's how I interpret it, and as far as that goes…I enjoyed it.

Very personal feelings ahead.

Every night i go to bed I'm scared I'm going to die and not wake up. The time I'm awake, it's not worth being angry over the non concrete stuff that I really feel is more projected fear than the actual reality. That stems from the lack of approaching things in good faith.

Doctor Who has been an emotional rock for me for this past decade, I got into it during the worst relationship I ever had and when that ended it was all i still had left and clung to. I was in a very very bad place during Series 10, I wanted to kill myself and have my life end strongly and intensely for the first time in years because I was so exhausted from losing all my close friends and people I trusted from how badly that relationship went. but... World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls/Twice Upon a Time helped me process and release my emotions, and stopped me from going thru with it. Every time after TUAT aired that I felt I wanted to kill myself and give up, I would go back to the twelfth doctor's regeneration speech, and go through it and convince myself to not give up there. I had a rocky time in 2018 because the steven moffat hate brigade was here and the actual show I felt really neutral on with series 11 upon first watch, and I lost the titan comics that I really loved and that changed my opinion on the tenth doctor and gave me one of the best eleventh doctor companions. so yeah, 2018-2019 because of those things were a little down as i wasn't as happy, but I was still here.

Then came 2020 and series 12: the entire season aired before the worst tragedy I've experienced in my life so far happened, and I also legitimately enjoyed every single episode a lot more than the previous series. But then that tragedy did happen. I lost my best friend, my best friend who trusted me so much that I was the second person after her fiancé that was told about her cancer diagnosis. I didn't feel I deserved that. She died within a month or two of her diagnosis. It was so fast, it blindsighted me. When she told me I asked her just to promise me she would call me for my birthday in case it fit bad because I wanted to hear her voice again, that year if I could. We assumed at least that she would at least that far along, because my birthday was only 3 months away. It seemed so simple and sure. She died a few weeks before my birthday that year. She didnt get to fufill her promise. It broke me. I wanted to die of course but...I knew I couldnt. I would be suicidal all the time and she always convinced me out of it. I hated myself so much and was so bad and intense about it and...she was kind to me. She refused to give up on me when I wanted her to give up on me to spare her pain when I was feeling bad.

so when she died i KNEW i had to live to make sure her faith in me wasn't in vain. I have gotten so much more mentally stable working on myself since then, but not a day goes by that I don't miss her. I never got to get her into Doctor Who but I would've wanted to.

Flux was my favorite season since the twelfth doctor years. I finally really emotionally connected with the thirteenth doctor era. I was really happy.

That year I met my current girlfriend whose been my best girlfriend I've ever had and whose given me everything I've ever wanted to be loved for. I got her into Doctor Who too.

But she lives in an abusive situation with her mom and her health keeps getting worse sometimes, getting more disabled with time while her fashy mother abuses her more. I feel useless sometimes during it because we live in two countries far away, even though we're planning our future together some days it feels like such a struggle to feel like we'll achieve our dreams together.

All of this has been going on while we've had to deal with the impending return of my least favorite doctor who writer, who barely is at 60% for episodes I enjoy, while his fans start to wake back up and start making it unbearable to be here because they spread misinformation and say horrible things about my favorite parts of the show, the ones that have helped me through my worst times. And recently they've started a vocal hate campaign against my first doctor, with more misinformation.

All of this along with fears for my life based on my physical health and fear based on real life politics has made it difficult to enjoy my rock, Doctor Who, for most of this year.

And yet somehow, the writer I didn't like at all has managed to give me 3 episodes I enjoy a lot more than anything he ever did 15 years ago when his sensibilities turned me off of getting into the show.

I haven't suddenly changed to liking RTD as a creator. I don't like series 1-4 more now. I don't suddenly like Damaged Goods. I just legitimately feel that these 3 episodes I enjoy a lot more than any of those previous stories, and as well, I don't feel like they perpetuated what the misaimed RTD1 era fandom wants, because I felt that it firmly felt that my favorite parts of the show happened and had a huge impact on all of this and how it went down. I'm more optimistic for the future of the show, even if the fandom will still be a hellhole to be in foe a while, i think eventually a lot of the loud awful people will leave because they're not likely to get what they want; and like the worst impulsives of fans are going to happen regardless of what actually happens in the text

other moffat era fans somehow took away from the episode that it ignored the moffat era, when it really didnt ignore it, to the point that steven himself got on his throwaway twitter account to disagree with it. The guy hates twitter and only remade his throwaway for the lockdown tweetalongs, so clearly it bothered him a lot to go out of his way to do this. I think if even your favorite writer says his work wasn't ignored by his friend, maybe you should try looking at it from a more neutral perspective.

I don't know, I just felt like the specials' themes and ideas were a good story that felt cathartic to get thru with my history, especially when this year I've developed an autoimmune disease that heavily restricts my diet and I've had to become a part time cane user. at 28!!!!

just with the very uncertain future, the fact I'm going to be older than my best friend ever got to be, there's just no energy that I have that I can spare to hate this when I think a lot of the feelings are either, premature or in the minds of people and less reality.

there are still people who are going to be racist and criticisms to be had but I don't think there's fundamentally this huge broken thing about the fourteenth doctor specials

anyway. this has been long, but this is all my feelings about the episode, i have a bit more talk but I'll save that for another post because this is long enough, plus its just lore stuff.

#fezzy talking #doctor who