#this is a beautiful song and i just wanted to share the images my brain showed me as i was listened to it

[hanakoofthejungle]

My most favourite Overlord Husk AU fanfictions

I am no expert in writing, just a regular fangirl whose brain is constantly occupied by HuskerDust. I like these fics purely based on the kicks I get out of reading reading them. HuskerDust fanfiction is my drug now :))))

All of this start commonly with Husk winning Angel's soul in a game against Valentino, the two eventually got involved romantically but ...

Blue Is Not Your Colour by Shienkha (competed)

It is rare to see Husk as deeply flawed, an addict to his poison (gambling) as much as Angel to sex. Both fell victims to their addiction, ultimately ruined their chance at happiness. In the end, Husk lost his soul to Alastor and Angel went back to Valentino. Husk realized only then that he loved Angel. The two finally reunited at the Hazbin Hotel, connecting the story to the canon.

“And a spade,” he whispered to himself as he headed out, slipping the ring to his chest pocket, “to symbolise how far I would have gone for you.”

As far as it would have taken to keep you happy.

Or, in the absence of it…

… as safe as one can be in Hell.

This is absolutely the best fic in my opinion.

2. Loved You Like Religion by cokedupdicksuckinghoe (completed)

This is as beautiful as the song after which the fic is titled.

Angel killed Valentino to save Husk. Husk was oblivious to his feeling until Angel seduced him with "Why Don't You Do Right". In the end, Husk prepared to throw everything away for Angel.

"He was devoted to Angel; he loved him like religion."

3. To A Player Everything Is A Game by Tat_Tat (completed)

A bundle of domestic bliss. This fic is my guilty pleasure. Whenever I came across a traumatic HuskerDust fic, I come back to this to save myself from the anxiety.

4. Call Your Bluff by @razzapplemagic

Angel relapsed and went back to Valentino after being 'rejected' by Husk. He later worked through his traumas, left Valentino on his own while befriending Vaggie during Extermination Day. As of the latest update, Angel came back to the casino and reconciled with Husk. The two began dating and Angel prepared to face Valentino once more.

5. Wicked Old Soul by BunnyBight

Husk put Angel in therapy with Charlie. Angel didn't appreciate Husk making decision for him and concealing his status as the Gambling Overlord. Angel was wooed by a charismatic lion who was hired by Vox to kidnap him. Husk came to the rescue. Angel and Husk, following their language roller coaster confession of love, signed a new contract which shared Husk's soul and all souls he owned with Angel. Angel became a new overlord with intriguing powers :)))

6. Someone You Can Bet On by Shigariope

Angel begged Husk to play a game with Valentino for his soul. Husk not only won Angel's soul, he also put a ring on his finger to safeguard his Overlord image. I look forward to see how their marriage of convenience progresses :)))

7. House of Cards by abookomaps

Valentino tortures Angel with angelic weapon. Husk proved Angel's worth by betting that Angel can make in one day what Valentino made in a month.

8. But you've got company by mamini2000 (completed)

Angel thought Husk was just an bartender then they fell in love.

9. Mine NOW Val by Rocher1893

Angel filled in for Husk's lounge singer. Husk devised a plan to help him get away from Valentino.

10. When the King Cat finds his Spider by Blahaj_Enjoyer

Husk demanded Angel's soul as collateral for his trade deal with Valentino. Valentino can film at Husk's casino, while he got Angel as new employee. It is precisely because Husk didn't technically own Angel's soul yet that I want to see how this story progresses.

11. Consequences by Bigredboi (completed)

To protect Angel, Husk killed Valentino and the Sin of Greed, becoming the new Sin.

12. First Breath by huskapologist

As of the latest update, Husk and Angel were plagued by nightmares and I by cliffhanger :))

13. Casino of love by @artwaterfall

A slow burn bliss following Angel's path to recovery from his pasts trauma and insecurity. If you are looking for Husk falling in love listening to Angel singing New side of me, this is the best description there is. If I didn't already have a significant other, I would have fallen in love with the spider myself just by reading that chapter, and I had the goosebump to prove it. This story is a treat that I look forward to every week.

14. I Can Only Blame Myself by InkPhoenix

Angle ran away from Valentino and collapsed before an extermination. He was saved by Husk and now had to deal with new disability and the possibility of being sent back to Valentino.

15. Sober to Death by BrainRotgoBrrrrr

Angel beat Husk at poker and he decided to buy him off Valentino. Alastor was eyeing Husk's soul.

16. Luck Be A Lady Tonight by Basic_Witch

Valentino used Angel to spy on Husk. Meanwhile, Husk taught Angel how to play cards and valued his business ideas.

17. The Gambler by @5carecr0w

Angel's appearance somehow brought luck to Husk's game with Alastor, saving him from losing his soul. Angel became his new lucky charm.

18. Him & His Libertine Principles by @thiccspices

Alastor enlisted Husk to make a bet against Valentino. Husk found Angel pathetic.

19. Cat’s Eye Casino by Lunatic_caramelle

Absolute bliss :)) As of the latest update, Husk was attacked by Val's men and injured. Angel took care of him while he healed and they grew closer.

20. Fates Gamble (two traumatized gay men rediscover love) by Chaosfrog

As of the latest update, the Vees had hidden cameras installed throughout the casino, giving Vox's control over machines and tables there. 'Whatever will befall my favourite couple?', I asked while waiting for updates every day :)))

21. High Stakes by dreamnplay (completed)

Husk wanted Angel to work the floor on a 10-hour shift per day. Angel thought he want him to f*ck customers for 10 hours a day. Read this and you will wonder when they will start communicate openly and honestly.

22. My Kingdom for The Soul of an Angel by meg_a_dork (completed)

Absolute domestic bliss with shopping, cooking, cuddling and everything. Angel proposed to Husk first :))) They got married and had cake 🍰

23. Ace of my Heart by Karmawillcollect (completed)

Angel beat Husk at poker and he bought him off Valentino. Guilty pleasure smut ensues :)))

24. My Atlantis by Satan_Has_A_Wife (completed)

Husk was bad at feeling, thinking Angel only loved him because he owned his soul and had been half-decent to him. Angel got Husk all hot and bothered seeing him with a gun. Cherri approved of Husk.

25. I Don’t Want The World But I’ll Take This City by highfemmeicequeen

Husk was bad at feeling and thought he knew what Angel wanted. Angel was angry, tired of being told who he was and what he wanted.

26. Love in Bonds by QueenofShadows1987

Husk and Angel dived head first into a relationship based on a 'standard' BDSM contract. Note that Husk is not the consent King we know and love here and Angel had no choice but to be his mate.

27. No Rest for the Wicked by @camelliea

It's been over 20 years since Angel was freed from Valentino yet the moth's shadow was still looming over his relationship with Husk. Husk made alliance with Alastor to destroy the Vees.

28. Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend by @purple-hyacynths

The two started of on hostile term. Angel was being a brat because of self-loathing.

29. House of Cards by Transparent_Existence (completed)

Angel and Husk are getting closer and one of Husk trusted employee can't have that.

30. High Rolling at the Grand Casino by Turntechgodliness (AmberzillaRex)

Angel became new lounge singer at Husk's casino.

31. Loaded Dice by Tat_Tat

Husk is a corrupted overlord.

32. Facing Down the King of Cards by LevySutcliffe (completed)

Husk won Angel in a gamble with Vox and Val for Alastor's soul. Yes, Alastor made a deal with Husk and temporarily gave his soul to him and is now staff at the casino. Angel becomes Husk's fashion designer and workshop of his own. Husk is looking for the boy he fell in love with in life. Little do they know Angel is that boy.

33. Double or Nothing by HoneycombSweetness

Husk died during the battle against the exorcists and went back to the past where he was still an Overlord.

34. Call me when you want, call me when you need by Spades (bumblingbees)

Husk won a night with Angel instead of his soul and continues buying his service for months. He eventually fell in love with Angel but the latter wasn't convinced an Overlord could ever love a wh*re.

35. Lucky Bastard by @poppyfieldart

Angel flirted with the sweet bartender at Lucky Bastard without knowing he was the Casino Overlord. Husk found Angel more beautiful than the paintings on the ceiling of his casino's bathroom.

The story focuses on Husk's rise to power. He eventually accepted Arackniss' request for his aid in saving Angle in exchange for his soul and loyalty.

36. King of Spades by kurenohikari

37. Rock Bottom Overlord by @cloudwatcher-1

The list is to be updated.

Husk fell to rock bottom, losing all of his casino and was left with nothing but a dive bar. After winning Angel's soul, he was ready to make it up the top again.

38. Tail feathers, wings and webs by Glitchy_Micro99

Angel caught Husk's eyes at a club and he had to have this spider.

#hazbin hotel #huskerdust #hazbin husk #angel dust #hazbin angel dust #angel dust x husk #hazbin hotel husk #overlord husk

[lipslikethegardensofbabylon]

#ttpd analysis day fourteen - The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

i'm gonna be honest with you this was the hardest song to dissect because every time i listen to it the bridge makes me lose my mind. it has the same addictive pull as the bridge of Would've, Could've, Should've, Cruel Summer, Getaway Car. it's SO good, imo one of her best bridges ever written.

i first want to comment on in your Jehovah's Witness suit which is again another lol-lyric moment, but in a big brain connection i saw that @thisisctrying pointed out that he was essentially selling her a religion. i love this bc it continues the religious imagery of Guilty As Sin?

you hung me on your wall, stabbed me with your push pins makes me think of a couple of different things - image wise, it makes me think of pinning a map up on a wall, marking places that you’ve been (also a hint of carve your name into my bedpost ≠ i'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song (from FOB)). it also makes me think of pierced through the heart but never killed. the other connection that comes up is to “put a pin in it” means to save something for later, typically to postpone something useful but not for immediate use. this meaning feels more likely given the subsequent were you a sleeper cell spy? in fifty years, will all this be declassified?

the bridge just goes so hard, I’m obsessed. there are a few callbacks to previous work but to me this bridge is on mtr echelon:

the betrayal in did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? is so good. esp given how she historically describes her bed/room as a safe space - turned my bed into a sacred oasis/drew a map on your bedroom ceiling/the warmest bed I’ve ever known

the gun weapon of choice is also interesting to me considering she’s also discussed daggers and poison, and a gun specifically has to be loaded. it makes me think of memories feel like weapons/we gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean, some to throw, some to make a diamond ring

the line were you writing a book? IMMEDIATELTY made me think of so I'll go back to L.A. and the so-called friends who'll write books about me, if I ever make it which is especially painful i think for the narrator. they’ve historically said “I struggle a lot with the idea that my life has become unmanageably sized,” she continued. “Not to sound too dark, but I just struggle with the idea of not feeling like a person.” and this lyric does exactly that - it reduces the person to a product, a story to be sold for a profit.

to end, the lyric and in plain sight you hid but you are what you did and I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive gives me such chills. i saw someone share that they had a history of abuse and that lyric made them feel so validated. there’s just something so haunting and angry but beautiful about it.

#taylor swift #words of mine #ttpdminutes #ttpd minutes #ttpd analysis

[caxde]

You said I can send requests and I'm gonna take you up on that offer, my friend.

I'm still in my SoftDad!Eddie brain rot. I'm rolling with the "Dada's Princess" here and imagining little Lua making a flower crown for Princess. Or them making them together to both be "Dada's Princess". Because I knowwwww just the sight of it would make Eddie just melt into a puddle.

Also, love your writing and your beautiful mind for creating such a cute story so far!

💜

Omg thank you soo much <33 i love getting request so this is ideal i ran with the flower crowns idea hope you like it <33 feel free to request anything you like!

bright eyes universe drabble ~1.6k girl!dad eddie

Spring was in full bloom. 

You had a day off, and you decided to sleep in, letting the sun rays that sneak in through your window slowly wake you up. It was recomforting, the mundane feeling of it all. 

So you enjoyed a hot long shower, singing every song that played on the tape that Eddie had gifted you as a thank you to watching over Lua. It had a little of them both, Bowie and The Smiths had been Lua’s idea -that much was clear- Metallica and Iron Maiden had to be his, but the Led Zeppelin and Fleetwood Mac -you thought- Eddie had chosen because he had heard you singing them when you didn’t even notice you were doing so. A level of attention you were just realising now, in that moment as the hot water hitted your sore back. 

A slow morning called for a hot tea, like the ones you used to make for yourself before you had any real responsibilities. 

Your hair still somehow wet, brushed away from your face, and that gow that a much needed shower left on your face, you felt clean, soft from once. You grabbed the first clean top that was on your folded laundry pile, a baby blue colour that complimented your skin, some washed up dark jeans to cover your legs. 

You walked to your porch, wanting to let your hair dry while you just drank your cup. 

Little did you know, a little surprised waited in your door. 

A letter was hanging on your door, with a small yet thick piece of duct tape. 

Lilac drawings of misshaped stars and hearts decorated the page. 

It read: 

“Duchess Lua of the mighty Hawkins Trailer Park would like to invite Princess to her court outing this afternoon. We shall have a refreshing picnic by the lake, please, confirm your assistance with Eddie the Once Banished. 

Sincerely your dearest friend, Duchess Lua Munson.” 

It made you giggle, and blush at the same time. You could tell Eddie had put some thought into it, and the drawings Lua had made to the best of her ability made you want to keep this letter forever. 

Which you did, you folded neatly, letting it rest on your bedside table, before you found a place in your wall to hang it on. 

You walked back up. The cup let out a clicking sound when the little spoon made contact with it, once you set it down into the floor. 

You sat on the little steps, writing on your little pad that was pressed against your thighs, a response that was just as grandiose as the ask had been. 

It read: 

“Princess is more than happy to accept her Duchess Lua Munson invitation, and would like to know at what time she’s expected to arrive at her delightful trailer for the outing. Princess would like to inform Lady Munson that she’s excited to see her, and will make a treat for the picnic.” 

You decided to leave a little red kiss as your signature. A little present that Eddie will cherish for a longer time that you had thought. 

A stupid thought crossed your brain -more than a thought, an image- the two letters resting side by side, the paper now turning yellow, framed on a wall that the both of you share, Lua’s older now, maybe not the only daughter. 

You had to shake your head, so you wouldn’t get too caught into the dream, snap back into reality. 

-

Maybe it was stupid, or a bit childish but you were excited nonetheless. You switched your jeans for a flowy white sundress, the skirt reached your knees, the fabric had a faded small flower print all over. It was girly, but it was also spring, and for once, you didn’t care. 

Your hair was free of any ponytails, or buns or anything like that, and it felt good to let it fall down, being so used to pushing it away from your face when you were working. 

Eddie was a bit lost in you, not really focusing on what he should. 

Lua was holding your hand, and you both were walking in front of him. He was holding the bags with the food and everything you had prepared -with the added things he already had- and he let himself be lost onto the fantasy. 

Lua was telling you about the book he had just started reading for her as a bedtime story, and you kept asking questions, and she yapped in her mumbling voice as much and as excitedly as she could. He saw himself in her in those moments, when her tongue moved faster than her brain and she’d choke on her own words. Her free hand swanged in the air, and when she got caught on a word, she touched it, as a way to comfort herself. Eddie was starting to struggle to not tell you right there how he was feeling. How he was starting to get those scary big feelings. How he could actually see a life with you in it. 

Eddie didn’t want to scare you. 

So when you got close enough to the Lover’s Lake, and while you and Lua looked around for some spring flowers, he set the cloth down, the little sandwiches he had made on one side, chips for Lua, and a bit of cheese that you liked on the left side. The sponge cake you baked, and the rest of your -half eaten- chocolate bar on the right side. He got the drinks, begging you not to spend more things. 

He got a thermos of your favourite tea -he had finally learned how to make it and was eager to see your reaction- water and chocolate milk for Lua, and soda for him. Though deep down he knew he’d end up drinking your tea. 

He opened his arms as soon as he saw Lua running to him, her arms opened, her fist holding tightly to the wildflowers she had picked, you followed her closely, your laughter filling the air in his lungs. 

You kept laughing, everytime Eddie found something new to do, just so he could hear you. And in consequence, Lua chuckled along. From afar, it already looked out of a picture book, but what he couldn’t quite understand is how it felt like it too. 

“Dada?” Lua asked, once she had finished her piece of cake, spinning around so she could look at him. 

“Yeah?” 

“Can you braid?” She pointed at her hair, a question he had to avoid a bit too often. 

“Bug, I’m rubbish at it, you know it.” He tried to plead with her, once again his voice gave in, breaking a bit. He had a tendency to do that when he had to tell her no, as if it would soften the blow. 

“Please?” She asked again, her eyebrows raising just like he did when he was asking for something he deeply wanted. You had seen that look when he didn’t want you to leave, or he wanted another kiss. With a soft giggle, you looked at the little scene, hoping to not intrude too much. 

“I can, if uh… if that’s okay.” Lua cheered and sat on your lap before you even knew if it was okay or not. 

You knew it was, Eddie had that thank you look on his face. 

He decided to do what he actually had learned, way back when he wasn’t living here, back when his mother lived. He knotted some of the wildflowers together, concertraing enough on it that his tongue covered his top lip, hearing his mother's voice singing low one to the top and knot over and over in his head. 

For once it wasn’t a painful memory. 

Rather a joyful one. 

Now it was his two little princesses and his mother’s voice. 

He placed it on top of your head, a kiss on your temple following it shortly after. 

“What’d you do?” You asked, touching your head with care. 

“Your crown, you needed one.” He points out, Lua’s eyes widened as she saw it. 

“No braid but yes crown?” She asked, not really believing the ability his dad had been hiding from her. 

“You know what we can do?” You asked her, trying to distract them both from the way your blood rushed to your cheeks. “Look.” You whispered it to her, as if it were a secret you both shared. 

You started grabbing the wildflowers that were scattered around the cloth, placing the stems in between the knots of her braids, small flowers blooming from her hair. As soon as Lua realised what you did, her hand touching it with as much care as she could gather she started screeching from laughter, a type of laugh that not only warmed you, but Eddie as well. 

She kind of jumped, though it felt more like a push, to your arms, screaming thank you repetitively, her excitement evident in her tone and gesture. 

Eddie just looked at the both of you, his little dream -much similar to yours, even if you didn’t know- nearing the reality right in front of him. 

You whispered to him, still holding Lua close to you “You’re full of surprises, huh?” 

“Anything for my girls.” The sincerity in which he said it made you blush, the widest smile on your face as you shook your head at him. 

“Idiot” You mouthed, no actual sound coming from you, careful that she wouldn’t hear a bad word. 

He inched closer to you, leaving a kiss on the highest point of your cheek, right next to your ear. 

“Hopefully yours.” He whispered. 

A promise he intended to keep.

-

requests! are open

@took-me-hours-to-steal-those @edens-vices-art @micheledawn1975 @peachystenbrough @mewchiili @bylermaxmayfield @yujyujj @honeymoonmunsonn @paleidiot @ali-r3n @sunshineandwitchery @supernaturalstilinski @womencriedpower @saramelaniemoon @cultish-corner @babyloutattoo89 @witchwolflea @serenadingtigers @readergf @guineveresghost @saramelaniemoon @angel-upon

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things fanfiction fem!reader #stranger things fic #stranger things x reader #friends to lovers #eddie munson x reader #eddie stranger things #eddie x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x afab #eddie munson x afab reader #rockstar!eddie munson #rockstar!eddie x reader #Rockstar! Eddie Munson #Rockstar! eddie #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x female reader #Eddie Munson x reader slow burn #eddie munson slow burn x reader #slow burn #eddie munson slow burn #hurt/comfort #hurt/comfort Eddie munson #eddie munson hurt/comfort #Eddie Munson hurt/comfort x reader #st4

[jmdbjk]

Oh, Jimin...

These are my personal impressions, thoughts, interpretations and opinions on Jimin’s solo FACE album. Some of the things I say here are built on things I know from past original content, interviews and what Jimin has shared personally. Some of it is just me reveling in my first experience with Jimin’s long awaited album. 

It is such a serious album. Jimin said this is the story of what he was feeling, chronologically, 2020-2022, during the pandemic era. At the beginning of 2020, BTS was rising higher than any Korean artist ever had before and then all of a sudden the momentum came to a halt, and there was nothing. Having the life you’ve known suddenly jerked away from you is traumatizing. 

Once the king of social media, Jimin almost ceased by the end of 2020 and never went back. “Oh, he just outgrew it.” No, the man was struggling with his issues and not only did he not need to see the extra crap spewed all over social media but he had nothing left to give, nothing left inside. 

I noticed how Jimin looked physically back in 2020. He was downright frail y’all. The man was trying to give us what we wanted at the expense of his mental and physical health. That breakdown he had during the ending ments in Memories 2020 was too much. They were all stressed out, but Jimin... those that said he was being over dramatic... the man was struggling with his mental health.

I wrote this last June, 2022 but never posted it: 

After Memories 2020 dropped, we’ve heard Jimin say he struggled after everything got canceled. Days upon days that turned into months upon months and more than two years passed before they finally returned to in-person performances. He stated that during isolation and lockdowns he wondered what was the purpose of his life, or that he had lost his purpose.

Jimin’s struggles were most likely much more severe than he let on and he 100% kept it to himself because he didn’t want us to worry about him. That sounded like solo delusional projection but think about Jimin and how he’s behaved in the past...always telling us not to worry. Always saying things to reassure us that he’s happy, he eats well, don’t worry.

There was no working, no performing, their lives and his life changed drastically overnight just like all of ours did. Would we ever get back to normal? What will happen in the future? When will all of this end? 

Face-Off

The album opens with a carnival calliope, it was a little jarring and unexpected. The images it conjured in my brain as the notes played were of a worn out circus winding down. It made me think of the big wild circus that WAS his life, and it just wound down and keeled over. 

Knowing the premise of the album, I think the title, Face-Off, implies Jimin is looking at himself. Speaking to himself. The lyrics could also imply he is speaking to someone else, like people he once trusted. But I don’t think so. 

He was having a confrontation with himself. Reasoning and bargaining with himself.

Maybe he once trusted himself but in this time and place in which he finds himself, he questions what is he doing? and second guessing himself. Day in and day out, the days are all the same nothingness. Hiding his feelings, faking it, pretending it was all ok. It’s all cool. It’ll be all right. He has said many times he looks back at that time and thinks he could have done more for the fans. Being hard on himself. His own worst critic. 

And then this enters the picture: using alcohol to self-medicate. Getting drunk. Numbing the pain. Forgetting. Drink all night. Oh, Jimin...

We know he has a very high alcohol tolerance. He once mentioned that he used to drink a lot. When he declined the champagne during the live after the Busan concert, we all made jokes about it and moved on. Oh, Jimin. 

Face-Off feels like it could have been a purging song when he wrote it. A little primal, you know... just scream, get it out. Painful but cathartic. 

This is the lyric that was scary: “tonight is a beautiful night, I think I’m close (or I think I have it all/I think I’ve found myself)” were chilling to me because they did not come across as optimistic, they came across as being at the end of one’s rope after becoming a shell of a person. He follows that line with “tonight I don’t want to be sober.” Oh, Jimin. 

His vocals open very low and moody then transition to a plaintive cry, punctuated with anger. 

Pour it down, pour it out... the anger, the emotions, the words, just pour it out. 

Interlude: Dive

Like the calliope that sadly wound down, Dive opens with the melody slowly winding back up to speed. Another day starting. Someone knocks, voices, the ambience of a normal day, breathing, running footsteps. The crowd cheering and Jimin’s voice during his ending ments at the Busan concert, more sounds of people in his life. We hear Jimin’s footsteps trudging, it sounds like we hear him climbing steps, entering his house, closing the door, and first thing he does when he is alone in the quiet is pour a drink and drinking deeply. I am concerned. 

Maybe it is supposed to represent the closing of Chapter 1, about a day in the past that was once a “normal” day, since it included the last things he said during that concert.

The music track is dreamlike, repetitive. Living in a dream. Every day. Same thing. Go home. Drink. Do it again. Dive means go deep. In deep. He’s in deep. 

There is a very subtle line between drinking in order to make it through another day/night versus drinking to relax and wind down. A slippery slope to walk on every single day.

We’ve transitioned from the world changing overnight to living in a daze trying to pretend everything is ok. Coping.

Like Crazy

(I am going to express my thoughts using the English version of the song.)

Jimin has explained the song is influenced by the movie of the same name. 

I have learned that the dialogue from the movie was NOT original to the movie but hired voice actors specifically for the song: “I think we can last forever.” “I’m afraid that everything will disappear.” “Just trust me.” And at the end: “How long again?” “What’s the point?”

He has said the dialogue that was used fit the message of the song. I have not seen the movie. I don’t think the song is a literal interpretation of the movie. I think the song’s basic concept is the emotional struggle trying to maintain a dream. But maintaining a dream is unrealistic no matter what you do to try to make it last. Jimin had to come to terms with that.

Jimin’s vocals begin very light and airy, very dreamy. 

[God, he’s fine.]

The vibe of the song is sort of retro, very much evokes the artist, The Weeknd. It has a very 80′s synth beat. It is a very danceable song. Like I said, on the surface.... very dreamy.

Vocals transition and it still seems like he’s having a conversation with himself, or with a voice within himself. A voice telling him to “trust me, follow me... I will make it good for you.” Me: gives a side eye to that voice in Jimin’s head because now I know it’s not trustworthy. “I’ll take the pressure off, been reaching for the stars.” Chasing that high. Go easy, Jimin. Please be careful.

Yes, the lyrics are also very sexy... “give me a good ride,” and “Let me have a taste.” Yep, I’m with ya on all that... ahem... 

[Wow]

[side note: I love the make up in the bathroom scene with that stroke of silver under his eye.]

“All my reflections, I can’t even recognize.” ...what he sees of himself is not reality. He doesn’t recognize himself. Don’t try to save me. I want to stay like this. 

To me, the mud on the floor, the mud flowing down the walls, the mud on the hand that grabs his wrist at the beginning of the song, the mud on his hand at the end... could represent his perceived imperfections, flawed, therefore dirty: his struggle to cope, his less than perfect thoughts... substance abuse... the struggle that he needs to be perfect on the outside or the attempt to appear perfect on the outside but there’s all this dirt on the inside that he can’t hide any longer.....the huge pile of mud at his feet is out of place in the otherwise normal room of his life. Becoming overwhelming for him.

Some of the visuals of this song are, to put it bluntly, very, not heterosexual. Again, these are just my impressions and opinions. But a friend pointed out the photo on the front of his pants and I went looking for information about the art photographer, Robert Mapplethorpe. He was heavily involved in New York’s gay BDSM scene. Some of the things written about him: 

“In a rapidly changing society, he fearlessly confronted taboos surrounding gender, sexuality and mortality, seeking to instill beauty and dignity into subjects that lay outside accepted social norms.”

“... a man who consistently brought his audience face to face with the unknown and the unseen.”

The song ends with him reaching toward the camera to smear it with the mud to hide his imperfect self. When Jimin puts his face in front of the camera, he doesn’t want us to see his imperfections. He wants to be as perfect as he can, he says it all the time, he wants to look pretty for us, but I hope he has realized we accept him as a real human being even with his very human imperfections. 

Alone

The alarm clock goes off...yet another day...doesn’t trust the people even if they are nice to him...he’s lost...day in day out... passing out drunk and not remembering...what am I doing? am I the only one feeling like this? Alone, pretending to be ok...every day the same...how much more until I can go back to before? Feeling more and more isolated within his own mind, pretending to be ok but losing himself every day. Mayday. The cry for help. Telling himself it will be all right (we all told ourselves this back then). The small nagging voice that doesn’t believe it. 

Realizing you’ve changed and you are never going back to the way you were before. 

Not gonna lie, that line right there broke my heart. Gives new meaning to Set Me Free Pt. 2′s line: "raise your hands for the past me.” 

He was in so much trouble and no one knew. He reassured us over and over that he was fine. Not to be over-dramatic but I don’t want to think about how close he was... I have seen a few people say this song really resonated with them. It is a very powerful cry for help.

Jimin’s vocals blew me away. The vocals start out very subdued, almost beaten down. His vocal fry squeezes my heart. He ends crying out “what do I have to do to end this darkness?” Bad twilight. Night’s can be hard.

Set Me Free Pt. 2

From my post on March 17, 2023:

Going insane to stay sane. Raise your hands for the past me. Now set me free. This is where I literally cried. Oh, Jimin.

Going crazy trying to fake being ok. 

Now I know this song is about him saving himself, setting himself free from this prison he was in, the depression, breaking the chains of alcohol dependency, of telling the naysayers out there and his own internal naysayer to go fuck themselves, Park Jimin is back. Strong and beautiful and fierce. The light of the moon shining on us. 

We know he still considers soju his joy. He sounds like he’s taken control, not totally abstaining, but in control. I only wish the rest of his days are happiness and stable mental health well-being. 

Letter

So unexpected. I was in shock. My heart floated away. 

People talk about how Jimin’s album has no collabs on it, unlike the previous member’s solo work. My opinion is, when you are sharing deeply intimate feelings and emotions and struggles about yourself you don’t want or need other people/voices on your song. It’s not appropriate. 

The only exception to this was… Jungkook…not exactly a collab, but he’s there. The other songs used background vocalists who are not members of BTS. 

This song was hidden. Yes, there have been other hidden songs. But come on...

Letter has a strong stroke of Promise in the “oh, oh.” And when Jungkook starts singing it is like the world is set right because those two voices blend like nothing else I’ve ever heard. And he comes in in the middle of the song gently supporting Jimin’s vocals. But unmistakably Jungkook. I know it’s up to interpretation, but for me, the lyrics from then on take on something a little extra in meaning with Jungkook there singing with Jimin. 

You held your hand out to me and now I will hold on to you. So simple and beautiful. The sounds of the surf remind me of the song “Okinawa” that Jimin posted once. Which also reminds me of their pics at Santa Monica beach...

Letter seems to be an actual letter. When the members told him to write it down, put it in a song, maybe Jimin’s first impulse was to write it as if it was a letter. The lyrics are simple and very to the point and convey:

“...though I’m not good with words, I want to sincerely say let’s make each other happier. You who showed me I am bigger than my small self. You've been by my side and I will be by yours. I hope we stay together until the cold winter. Though the future is unknown and scary, let’s stay together. Never forget we’re together.”

There are references to past songs: Sea, Spring Day. Both of those songs were from 2017. 

But Jungkook. On a Jimin song. That was hidden. Clever. That we had no idea about...even though Kookie knocked us over the head with it when he played the guitar for us, making sure we knew he’d only had one lesson. Who do you think gave him that first guitar lesson? Jimin... and Kookie blurting out some English in his last live... who do you think he’s been practicing English with? Duh, Jimin. 

It was a hidden song AND the credits were hidden on the page in the book. They were printed in varnish only, which is basically shiny, clear ink.

You know what I think? Jungkook knew about this song since Festa dinner. The teasing about not being offered the chance to listen to the song. That little shit. I KNOW IT WAS THIS SONG!! I JUST KNOW IT!! This was the rumored subunit. Or at least one of them. I guess we’ll eventually see if there are any more between the others.

They sound so beautiful together. I love them. And as I keep saying, they are fine… they’ve been fine.

Last words...

Anyway, that was a lot of words. Maybe I got too deep. Jimin explained himself about how the album originated. 

As I was telling my friend earlier...everything in this album has peeled a layer, or several layers, away from EVERYTHING I've seen and heard from Jimin and the group since 2020. I had written some things in the past, like last June and even before that, about how Jimin seemed not well mentally. Things that I had no business saying in public because who the hell am I to think I can say something like that about someone I have never met? So I never posted those words. I never thought I would be so close to the mark in thinking those things. He’s been through it, wrote songs about it, and moved on. And I am so proud of him and this album. 

#jimin face #face-off #like crazy #i'm so proud of jimin #if they were trying to quash any ships this was not the way to go about it #i said that after hickey-gate too #also jikook #did i mention i am so proud of jimin? #and kookie is so funny

[dcbbw]

Catch and Release

I’m back, Tumblr! Unsure if anyone even realized I was gone, but I have missed sharing stories with you guys. I am slowly easing my way back into writing on a somewhat semi-regular basis; currently working on a couple of items on my WIP Wishlist, and Stormholt.

First up is a story that is my “hold my beer” response to a recent conversation I had with @ao719 about how Liam would never be a cold-hearted asshole EVER, even in the face of betrayal. This is a rewrite of the Drake and candles scene during the Homecoming Ball, sans assassins.

This is a one-shot, but already toying with an alternate version ….

THANK YOU to all who read this over in parts and pieces! The key smashes and follow-up questions reminded me why I love writing, and sharing on this hellsite.

To those who will read this, THANK YOU! Your likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated more than you realize.

Please excuse any and all typos, grammatical errors, and missing/extraneous words. MS Editor rates this piece as 99% error free.

Song Inspo: Fine Line, Harry Styles

Pairings: Liam x Riley, Drake x Riley

Rating: M for Mature for a smallish, unripe lemon

Word Count: 3,213

I can’t breathe.

My arms are stiff by my sides, hands tightly clenched into fists. The pain in my heart aches and pulses with every breath I draw. The rage that boils my blood also tightens my throat. Images flicker through my brain, snapshots of the scene I walked in on.  Even as my mind reels from the betrayal and my heart falls into a million pieces that shred me from the inside out, I still try to justify and deny.

My eyes are fixed on my fiancée who still sits on the edge of her bed; her eyes are trained on her slip-covered lap. I notice the fingers of one of her hands comb through her hair; the other hand lays limply against silk sheets.

Her skin is golden in the candlelight, her hitched sobs mixing with the crackle and hiss of the wax torches’ flames.  For reasons known only to Drake and Riley, there are dozens of lit candles covering nearly every available surface. No lamplight, no overhead lighting.

Just candles.

She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and the only woman I’ve ever hated.

No. I don’t hate her, not really. But in this very moment, I see why crimes of passion are committed.

Drake. Naked. Kissing her neck before their lips lock in a heated kiss.

Riley. Clad in only a slip. One of her hands stroking his member as she slides to her knees.

“Liam,” she says softly in a quavering voice.

I shake my head slowly. “No, Riley. Whatever you have to say right now, I don’t want to hear it.”

She swings her leg; it’s a nervous habit she has. One of the swings increases into a stretch and I wonder if it’s deliberate.  Her leg is long and tanned; my eyes take in a luscious thigh leading into a toned calf that flows into a shapely ankle. Her perfectly manicured toes point downward as she arches her foot.

Her limb is suspended for a moment too long before it falls.

The moment it takes for my cock to stiffen and butterflies to take up residence in my stomach.

She turns her face towards me; I see her lipstick smeared across her mouth, shiny streaks on her cheeks, and regret in her eyes.

Regret. Not remorse.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way.” Her voice is thick with tears.

Our relationship has been littered with apologies … always from me … beginning with our first meeting. If I could, I would laugh at the irony that the one apology I find myself repeating stemmed from accusations of the American suitor being unfaithful to the future King.

The rumors weren’t so unfounded after all.

This is her first admission of guilt and/or wrongdoing our entire time together.

She has no choice.

I attempt a deep inhale, but my chest is too tight.

The wedding is in one week.

“Yes, Liam yes!!! A THOUSAND TIMES, yes!”

Tonight is the Homecoming Ball; a celebration of many things, including our engagement.

I caught her … them … the woman I love madly, truly, deeply and the man I trust more than anything in the world … preparing to indulge in an act I consider so sacred, I have never dared to ask her to perform it while we are merely engaged.

I manage to choke out a single question. “Why?”

Her shoulders slump as her head falls forward, causing her hair to cover her profile. “It hasn’t been going on long; it started on the Engagement Tour. I told him in Vegas that what we had would have to end.”

I watched her leave the stag-and-doe party arm-in-arm with Drake Walker. My best friend, with whom Riley wanted to have a fling. She swore it was a one-time affair; she was so much in love with me, but she wished to satisfy her curiosity.

I attempted to leave first, but I was not only one of the honorees, I was also King.

Per traditional protocol, the King is the last to leave.

So I remained behind, drinking copious amounts of American liquor, making small talk in a loud voice so as to be heard over noisy music, and dancing with women I had previously rejected.

All while Riley spent the night with another man.

“But it hasn’t,” I interrupt harshly, abruptly.

Her gaze lands briefly upon me, an irritated scowl marring her features. “I don’t love him,” she says simply, as if that excused everything.

I turn away from her; as disgusted as I am, I still find Riley Brooks distractingly desirable. I say that as if we’ve been treading this road of infidelity and discovery for years and years. Except it’s only been months since we first met, and if I hadn’t come looking for her this evening, I still would be none the wiser.

She was in my arms, kissing me deeply as we waltzed our way around the ballroom barely an hour ago. 

We beamed brightly at each other and the crowd as the gathering toasted us with champagne and strawberries.

I smoked a celebratory cigar with Drake.

An hour ago, I was the luckiest man in the world. I was happy.

Now ... I’m heartbroken.

I stumble my way towards a wingback chair, pausing to shrug out of my dinner jacket and drape it across the back of it. I sit heavily, legs spread slightly apart; I push off my shoes and undo my tie while maintaining eye contact with my fiancée.

“I’m highly upset with you, Riley. This … this has hurt me. Deeply.”

“I know,” she whispers as the back of her hand swipes at errant tears. “Other than promising that this will never happen again, what can I do to make it up to you?”

The pad of my forefinger taps my chin thoughtfully as my eyes scan the room. I see the flames flicker and dance in silhouette against the walls. One of Drake’s shoes lies on its side near her night table.

When I cleared my throat to announce my presence, his eyes had gone wide as his face paled. Drake gathered his clothing, trying vainly to make eye contact with Riley; however, she was suddenly fascinated with the pattern decorating the carpet.

I could practically hear his unspoken question to her: What does this mean for us?

In less than a minute, my “best friend” was half-dressed and ran out, not speaking one word to either me or Riley.

“I’m not sure. You know I harbor trust issues about being open, honest … vulnerable, with women. No one’s ever wanted Liam for Liam; I have always been merely a conduit to bigger and better.”

And apparently, best friends.

“Liam, I love YOU. Not your moniker, not your wealth. Tonight … with Drake … was a moment of weakness!  YOU are my bigger and better!

I arch an eyebrow.  “Whatever the excuse, your love for me doesn’t diminish the lust you have for him.”

She has the decency to look ashamed.

“Please, Liam! It won’t happen again, I swear it! You mean too much to me! Just tell me how to make this up to you!”

Her pleas are urgent, not fervent. Insincere, almost.

I find the lack of apology perturbing.

 It is obvious she has no idea the jeopardy she has put me, and our relationship in. Very few at Court are in favor of our impending nuptials due to the simple fact that a union with a foreign commoner yields nothing for the Crown. A marriage with Riley does not increase Cordonia’s landholdings; it does not give the country seats at tables where we are already overlooked; I, and by extension Cordonia, gain absolutely nothing from this.

Riley is the only winner here.

And I don’t care.

The last thing my country is worried about is its fiscal health. Our prosperity is guaranteed for the next 80 generations without investments and development. All I wanted from Riley was her love and loyalty; with that, I would be able to scale mountains and slay dragons. But even the bare minimum I require is too much for her to give.

But I’m in love with her. Even now, I can’t not be with her in some fashion. I need to know that she is still mine, even if only in the basest of ways.

I unfasten my belt buckle and undo my pant button; my cock is uncomfortably hard. I crook my finger, beckoning her to me, wondering how many times the woman I have put first, the woman who influences my thoughts, actions, my very decisions has given me sloppy seconds.

An expression fleetingly crosses Riley’s face; I am uncertain if it’s hope or smugness. After a moment’s hesitation, her walk of shame towards me is contrite, yet confident. Like a child who knows they’ve done wrong but realizes a way of escaping punishment.

I tug my zipper down before slipping my hand inside to release my raging erection. The head of my cock is purplish in the muted lighting and pre-cum leaks from the tip. My hips arch upwards as I begin to pull my pants and underwear down. My eyes glance up to see Riley standing expectantly before me.

It reminds me of our first meeting in that bar in Brooklyn.

“A little help would be nice,” I quip with a small smile that doesn’t feel quite right.

She kneels before me, pulling and tugging at my trousers and silk boxers. My eyes are trained on the rounded tops of her cleavage as my hand slowly slides along my member. Once Riley’s task is finished, she looks up at me with repentant eyes.

“Do you forgive me, Liam?” Her voice is hesitant, her tone tentative.

I lean forward, the back of my fingertips caressing the curve of her cheek. “I’m in love with you, Riley. There’s nothing to forgive,” I assure her in a soft whisper.

She leans into my palm. “I love you so much. I’ll never lie to you, or hurt you ever again,” she promises.

I aim my cock towards her plump lips, still smeared from her earlier kiss with Drake. Small halos of smoke wreath her hair.

“Would you … could you … perform oral on me?” My voice is shy, hesitant. Even in the face of her obvious infidelity, I am uncomfortable asking her this.

Her eyes fill with relief that forgiveness would come so easily, and wariness at the request. “You’ve never asked for that before.”

I lock eyes with her before quietly replying, “We’re betrothed.”

She nods in understanding. If that act is good enough for her lover, it’s certainly good enough for the man who will make her Queen.

Riley places her palms flat against the top of my thighs; her head dips and I feel the tip of her tongue lightly lick my balls. It tickles, but no mirth escapes my lips. Without thought my hand drifts to the top of her head, fingers combing through her soft hair.

The flat of her tongue licks wetly up the underside of my cock while she cups a hand to fondle my balls. I stare down at her cleavage, the rounded tops of her breasts teasing me as they rise and fall in time with her breathing and ministrations.

My head falls back against the chair’s headrest when her mouth opens wide enough to engulf half of my cock. When she has a tad over half of me in her mouth, she hollows her cheeks and snakes her tongue around my erection while stroking its base.

Memories and images flash in my mind as my hand tightens its grip on her hair.

Kismet.

The Masquerade Ball

Hedge Maze

Cronuts

Forgotten Falls

Deep pants escape my lips as I simultaneously lift my head and slide down further into the chair; my hips arch upwards. Riley’s head bobs as she sucks me. A thin line of drool ekes from a corner of her mouth. My cock eases deeper down her throat, and my hand pulls and pushes at her head to get to take all of me.

I close my eyes as her warm mouth tightens around me.

Coronation Night

Fydelia

Barn Raising

Italy

Her gagging breaks my reverie and hardens my cock even more. I sit up, my palms pressed against either side of her skull as I begin fucking her mouth. Her eyes are closed; bliss or boredom, I don’t know. Her lashes are dark against her skin.

“Look at me,” I order in a voice that isn’t mine.

Obediently her eyes open; her jaw and chin are wet with spittle and pre-cum. She continues to suck me, emitting low moans over my member. My strokes get faster, longer, rougher. My balls are heavy, and I feel a tightening in my muscles before the last image flashes before me.

The scene I walked in on.

With a harsh yank, I pull her even further down onto my cock as I push myself down her esophagus as far as I can. A primal yell rips from my throat as an intense orgasm comes over me. My body shudders and convulses as ropes of white cream pulse out of me.

As my seed fills my fiancée’s mouth and spills down her throat, I forcefully tug her hair so she is looking up at me; her eyes are questioning.

It takes me a moment to compose myself and catch my breath. I watch Riley swallow all that I have given her.

“The engagement is off. Our relationship is over. I am finished, do you understand me?” My voice is gravelly, tone firm. “You shall retain your title of Duchess, and ownership of Duchy Valtoria, but you will never be my Queen.”

Fright and fear fill her eyes. The heels of her hands press deeper into my flesh as she attempts to pull away from my cock, but I don’t relinquish my hold.

“A press release will go out tomorrow afternoon, after security and housekeeping move you and your belongings to the South Wing.  I think you will appreciate being closer to Drake Walker.”

I release Riley’s hair, and she falls back on her haunches.

“WHAT are you talking about??” she demands angrily.

I stand and begin collecting my clothing; I step into my boxers, glancing over at her.

“I trust you fully comprehend what I just stated. I believe I communicated openly and honestly what our next steps are. Already, I have offered you more than you or Drake have ever given me.”

I glance at her left hand; the engagement ring glints in the light. “I would like my ring back, please.”

I am tucking my shirt into my pants when I see her rise from the floor and come at me, fists flailing. Her pummels upon my arm and shoulder are no surprise.

“YOU BASTARD! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!” she rasps as her fists beat on my shirt. “YOU JUST SAID THERE IS NOTHING TO FORGIVE!”

I do not defend myself against the attack; I merely sidestep and continue dressing.

“And there isn’t. I will once again assume the guilt and blame for your lack of transparency and communication. But this is the last time. We’re over.”

I reach for my jacket from the back of the chair and begin to pull it on. Riley’s face is twisted in rage and hurt; her eyes are narrowed into slits.

I look her over impassively and hold my hand out, palm up. “The ring, Lady Riley.”

“FUCK YOU,” she shrieks. “This is ALLLL your fault, and you KNOW IT! If you had never picked Madeleine …”

“I picked her because neither you nor your lover felt the need to tell me what happened in Applewood, something I have never been offered an assurance or reason for. I made a decision for your safety and protection with absolutely no context. I have apologized and explained this to you over and over and over again.”

Riley blanches before playing her last card. “My BEST protection would’ve been with you, under your care!”

“My engagement to Madeleine was the most viable protection. With all eyes on me and my fiancée, it took the target off you, and freed up our friend circle to freely pursue Tariq with the aid of my HEAD GUARD!”

I cut my eyes at her. “Presumably you were too busy justifying spending all of your time with another to even consider that I was the doing the very best I could in a situation that I was blindly thrust into.”

I jostle my hand impatiently. “The ring,” I remind her.

Her mouth hangs open slightly, her eyes baffled as she slowly pulls off the engagement ring. Her fingers hover above my palm before dropping the jewelry into it.

“Liam, why are you doing this to me? To us?” she asks brokenly.

I am slipping the ring into my jacket pocket; I pause to look up at her in puzzlement.

“Me? You did this, Riley. You have been holding onto one incident our entire relationship while committing multiple transgressions against my love for you. You accepted my proposal. You betrayed my trust when it was unnecessary. I’ve been the one saying sorry, being tormented by guilt, feeling less than for not being there to protect and defend you. And the whole while, you were with Drake.”

“I was single when I was with Drake!” she hollers.

“Were you single after accepting my proposal? Were you single tonight when you were getting on your knees for him?” I challenge in a cold voice.

Riley looks around helplessly before offering more feeble excuses. “I was tipsy! He caught me in a moment of weakness! I SWEAR to you, it’ll never happen again!”

I am at the door, my hand on the doorknob, twisting it.

“Liam, you still love me! I never stopped loving you. We can work through this!” Her words are rushed, laced with desperation.

But they strike a nerve, sparking hope.

 My head drops and my eyes close; my feelings and her words tumble in my brain. I breathe out a deep sigh and turn to look at her.

“You want me to forgive you, yet you have never forgiven me.”

The door is slightly ajar and light from the hall spills into the doorway; chatter and merriment from the party can be heard. It muffles the last break of my heart. But I do not leave immediately. Instead, my hand falls from the knob, and I deliberately make my way back to her.

The merest of fractions separates us. My eyes take in her tousled hair, ruined makeup, her curves and swells making an hourglass of the slip.

I pull her in for an embrace, which she eagerly responds to. Her body fits perfectly against mine as it always has. Familiar scents assail my nostrils: strawberry shampoo, coconut rose lotion, jasmine and vanilla perfume.

I wonder if I’m making a mistake.

“Riley, I am in love with you but it’s apparent that even with all my wealth and resources, it isn’t enough for you. I’m not enough for you. We both deserve to be people who will find us ... sufficient, not supplemental.”

She is silent as tears fill her eyes again; I brush them away from her lashes and cheekbones before I place a gentle, lingering kiss on her forehead.

Her lack of reassurances and promises tells me I’m not.

“Thank you for giving me the Drake Walker treatment,” I say politely as my eyes burn from smoke and unshed tears.

And I let her go.

Her hand reaches for me, but she lets it fall as she watches me exit the room, closing the door quietly behind me.

Tagging: @jared2612 @marietrinmimi @indiacater @kingliam2019 @bebepac @liamxs-world @mom2000aggie @liamrhysstalker2020 @twinkleallnight @umccall71 @superharriet @busywoman @beezm@gabesmommie1130 @tessa-liam @gardeningourmet @mainstreetreader @angelasscribbles @emkay512 @princessleac1 @charlotteg234 @alj4890 @lovingchoices14 @lady-calypso @choicesficwriterscreations @queenjilian

#dcbbw writes #trr au fanfic #liam x riley #drake x riley #writer on tumblr #it's been 84 years

[ashshmee]

ooh id love to know why you associate remus with summer and sirius with winter :D

there’s a couple reasons!

first is bc choices by messermoon takes up 95% of my brain capacity, and in that reg is described as fall and james as spring so then i was like hmmm then who would the other seasons be?

ahh it feels hard to explain because it’s really so much based off of vibes but i really just see remus as earthy? like he’s standing out in a cornfield and the summer sun is blazing down on him and you can’t tell where the earth starts and he begins. anon, idk if you’ve read the raven cycle but the only way i can think to describe it is the way adam parrish is described. but maybe that’s just bc they are variants 2me. oh! also the song summer child by conan gray is my remus lupin anthem so that probably makes me associate the season with him too.

and then for sirius it is really just vibes too. like i feel like i don’t really have images of what characters look like, but more what their essence is. and sirius is creamy white porcelain skin juxtaposed with shiny black hair and leather and idk it just feels very wintery. he has a cold beauty, but he can also represent for so much warmth and joyfulness that comes with the holidays. that come from being with people that you love. and i feel like that is when sirius would let himself show his true personality rather than putting on a performance of charm. when he’s with the people that he loves.

anyway, i realized i realllly can’t explain the images i see in my head lol, but hopefully that makes a little sense! also if anyone wants i can share my sirius playlist from last winter so you can kinda see some more of the vibes :)

#ask #ashlet #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #marauders #marauders era #harry potter

[tolkien-feels]

Here is something I've been thinking a lot about lately wrt to Nerdanel, feat a little bit of Feanor. And Gandalf and Saruman.

(More headcanon than meta tbh but I think if I tried I could make A Case for this being a possible, if not conclusive, reading)

Oh fyi this post is a mess but I've been trying to make it more logical for weeks now and my brain isn't cooperating so here it is in all its messy glory

Let me share a famous quote but highlight what I want to talk about

While still in early youth Fëanor wedded Nerdanel, a maiden of the Noldor; at which many wondered, for she was not among the fairest of her people. But she was strong, and free of mind, and filled with the desire of knowledge. In her youth she loved to wander far from the dwellings of the Noldor, either beside the long shores of the Sea or in the hills; and thus she and Fëanor had met and were companions in many journeys. Her father, Mahtan, was a great smith, and among those of the Noldor most dear to the heart of Aulë. Of Mahtan Nerdanel learned much of crafts that women of the Noldor seldom used: the making of things of metal and stone. She made images, some of the Valar in their forms visible, and many others of men and women of the Eldar, and these were so like that their friends, if they knew not her art, would speak to them; but many things she wrought also of her own thought in shapes strong and strange but beautiful.

So much is made of that first sentence, of Nerdanel not being considered beautiful enough for Feanor, but lately I have been Considering headcanoning this being the polite version of what the Noldor truly think about Nerdanel - that she's weird. Not quirky, not creative, just straight up off-puttingly strange.

Nerdanel strikes me in this paragraph as being profoundly restless of mind. She wants to know, she wants to explore, she won't be confined by the physical limits of the territory of the Noldor nor by the societal limits of gender. Insofar as that shows independence and curiosity, I don't think the Noldor would find any of this negative, or at least not extraordinarily so.... but we are shown a glimpse of Nerdanel's restless mind in this paragraph: the (abstract?) sculptures she makes are beautiful but strong and strange.

Even though apparently her ability to make realistic sculptures is outstanding, Nerdanel seems to be drawn towards expressing things that don't exist in the world, and these seem to be implied to be slightly unsettling? I mean, the Noldor are the Noldor. How weird does your artwork need to be for it to be labeled as strange? Especially strange in opposition to beautiful. Not strange as in awkwardly done. Strange as in "You clearly know what you're doing but also wtf is this sculpture?" It feels very... Modern art? It's cool. Not really the point of the post but cool.

Anyway, Nerdanel has chosen a craft unusual for her gender and then proceeded to apparently try to reach for something beyond the grasp of even the Noldor. You know when Yavanna brings up the ents and Manwe is like "Okay... That's. Weird. In the Song, but weird." and has to take a moment to understand the creation she's being called to do? That's the vibe I get from Nerdanel's sculptures

And then it's like... Of course she and Feanor are a match. Who else could be more restless? I bet Feanor looked at her strange sculptures and was immediately interested. They are both reaching towards some unknown thing they can't find in Valinor, and Nerdanel may or may not be attempting to describe this longing in physical form with her sculptures

I think in a way, Feanor and Nerdanel sharing a love of crafts and exploration is almost... set dressing for their romance. The thing actually pulling them together is that they are looking at the world around them and saying "Okay, but what else is there? This is not enough for me, I want more than this, I need to know more than this, I need to experience more than this, I need to create more than this"

The question is, of course, where that leads. Unstoppable quest for knowledge and "what else is out there?" - especially when coupled with a subcrearive drive and EXTRA especially when coupled with separating oneself from society - has always been a red flag in Tolkien, starting from Melkor. Hell, even Gollum fits this pattern. I'm not saying that's a worldview I personally subscribe to (I. Don't.) but it seems to be a clear fact of Arda metaphysics. Curiosity + creativity + self-isolation tends to = corruption.

So - is this what makes Nerdanel "the Wise"? Is she a woman who was tempted in every way every villain has ever been tempted, but she resisted and never fell?

Because I can only think of one other hero character who has all of the following: hunger for knowledge, a marked desire for solitude, a strong tendency to be considered Off-puttingly Weird by their peers, a penchant for loving subcreation, possibly immunity from temptation via wanting to understand rather than master the world:

Gandalf.

Nerdanel Istarnie has parallels to Istar extraordinaire Gandalf

Hell, Gandalf is even a fan of Feanor!

And like, that completely changes my read on Nerdanel's character. Because then, narratively speaking, she's the Gandalf to Feanor's Saruman. She is Feanor as Feanor should have been.

Which is like. Ten thousand levels of juicy. Like, you could conceivably structure an entire storyline around Nerdanel staying true to her mission as a Noldorin subcreator while Feanor goes astray. (What is that mission? Debatable. Suit yourself.)

And then, more than just an emotional scene, Nerdanel pleading with Feanor to not take away all her sons from her becomes the ultimate test of her commitment - can she stick to what she thinks is the right thing even if it costs her the loss of her beloved children, possibly the dearest of all her creations, so to speak?

Like, I could go on, but I just. Nerdanel as Feanor who never fell. Nerdanel as mentor and cheerleader, with varying levels of success. Nerdanel as Gandalf!!!!!!! I just love it so much, and I predict I'll be thinking about this for many years going forward

[indeliblescarspivotalmarks]

it’s midnights first birthday in the UK! happy first birthday to a beautiful example of a pop album!

Midnights was released at a time where I was really going through it and starting to struggle. I felt really alone, I was going through constant sleepless nights of anxiety and just feeling generally overwhelmed between work, life and university.

I waited up for the release, and it was the best choice ever. I streamed it religiously, as Taylor’s writing and stories she shared within these new songs really seemed to resonate with me. It became the soundtrack to me slowly picking myself back up. And I’m so grateful for that.

Lavender Haze was a dreamy start to a beautiful album. It captured that feeling of wanting to stay in that bubble of falling for someone - when love and connection are so intense you don’t want anyone else to touch it.

Maroon to me seemed like a growing up from Red. The appreciation of a love, but knowing it’s gone now. The wishing you could have held onto it. The questioning of why it was allowed to end. It was so strong and powerful that it actually became dark and full of emotion. She has such a talent for linking emotion into physical images.

Anti-Hero felt like such a deep personal look into someone’s brain, and I resonated so much with so many of the lyrics. The idea of acknowledging you’re the problem. The music video with the two Taylor’s resonated with me. The feeling you can’t escape from the bad side of yourself, because well…it’s you.

Snow on the Beach. Magical. Weird but fucking beautiful. The haunting background vocals of Lana with Taylor’s melodic talent. I found myself listening on repeat again and again.

You’re on Your Own Kid had me breaking down but feeling like it was a warm hug from an older sister telling me yes everything will be okay - I promise. Hearing the lyric “I hosted parties and starved my body” really hit me as someone who puts on this excitable personality and loves to be in the centre of attention, but who has actually been through years of struggle and eating disorder treatment. I felt like it was a hand squeeze from Taylor saying I know what it’s like, but we’re okay now.

Midnight Rain. Realising you maybe want more than what is planned. Having to hurt someone, and possibly yourself, in order to get what you should be headed for.

Question…? The experience of the what ifs. If only one thing had been able to change, or had happened. There’s always one who got away and you’re never sure what would have been. You never know unless you can ask a question. The feeling of ruminating on a situation in the middle of the night. The continuous questioning of what if it had been different.

Vigilante Shit. Iconic. Fuck Scooter Braun. Enough Said.

Bejeweled. Now this song really helped me feel like I was getting back to being myself. A reminder to us all that we ARE beautiful and sparkly and deserve to be shown off!

Labyrinth. Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out. Remember it and use it. It feels like a dreamscape with haunting vocals. To me it feels like holding onto something you thought was failing, and it turning a corner of hope. You turned the plane right around.

Karma. A classic Taylor. The true swifties understand her. Pop beauty. Because Karma IS her boyfriend and it IS a relaxing thought!!!

Sweet Nothing. To me the beginning appears like a lullaby, and I think that’s beautiful. To me, it’s a song of needing security. The need to be held when everything else is going on. The need for comfort we all feel, but we don’t want to admit.

Mastermind. This feels like a wink from Taylor to us. She is the mastermind, and we absolutely adore her for it! We love her scheming and the way she has us wrapped around her finger. As a girl who obsessively plans and overthinks, this song is really such a moment. Watching the dominos all fall in line is perfection.

#midnights first anniversary #wow i didnt think id write that much #ellie thinks #i just love this album #midnights turns 1 #taylurking #taylor swift #taylorswift #taylor #ts #taylor swift eras #swiftie #the eras tour #eras tour #taylornation #midnights

[paige-penguin]

I think my favourite type of headcannons are the ones which are entirely too specific, its an image in your brain that when shared others can picture it too.

Tommy

Wanted to learn how to fight with a sword like techno so forced techno to teach him but got so excited they had to force him down to a broom so he couldn't hurt anyone

Used to sit on a field in L'Manburg and make flower crown for everyone, the details of it correlated to how much he liked you

As a child he had an affinity for climbing; trees, walls, people. As the only avian in the house who couldn't fly he learnt any way to try and get on the same level as others

He and Tubbo gave each other braids when they where 15 as a way so solidify their friendship and commect them as brothers

Phil

Has a crow watching each one of his kids at all times to keep an eye on them

As angel of death he is fully aware of how long people have spent in limbo, when Wilbur died he kept track of every year and lit a candle to remember him on his death anniversary

Kristen lives in the void beneath bedrock and can't spend much time in the overworld so Phil spends alot of time in strongholds talking into the one way portal to let Kristen know how well her sons are doing

Similar to some cultures braids are really important to avains, Phil has braids from the day he married and one for each of his kids, from either the day they where born or the day they where adopted

After killing Wilbur he cut the second longest braid off and placed it in a box of items from Wills childhood. A pair of tiny socks, a yellow bandana and a folder of sheet music

Techno

Being a conduit for the blood god caused a lot of mental damage as a kid, often resulting in a mute Techno, so the whole sbi family learnt sign language for these moments

Apart from his family the only other person who has braided his hair was Ranboo, he got really attached to that kid and they used to absentmindedly play with Techno's hair during Syndicate meetings

Loves reading all kinds of book, surprisingly to most his favourite genre is romance, the beauty of true love and loving someone wholely spoke to his soul

All of his jewellery is gold, some parts of his piglin culture always stayed with him

Tubbo

Scars from the festival also included becoming partially deaf and blind on that side, but he handled it well due to his early leaning of sign language

Forced Wilbur to teach him how to play piano and it became a way the two bonded, just playing songs in Wilbur's bedroom

Once tried to bonk someone as a greeting with his horns like rams do and gave Tommy a concusion

The compass Ghostbur gave him had lengths of a red bandana he used to wear in the early days of L'Manburg, Ghostbur had found the red and green bandana in the ruins of a blown up city

#philza minecraft #dsmp au #headcanon #tommyinnit #tubbo #technoblade #dsmp

[tetsunabouquet]

Attack On Titan X Reader- Dutch Playlist Headcanon

A/N: Nothing To Lose was repeating in my brain and I couldn't help but think how the doomed, let's runaway theme fits Eren Yeager, and then my mind slowly started attributing Dutch pop songs to AOT men. I hope my AOT girlies can enjoy my picks!

Eren Yeager: Douwe Bob - Nothing To Lose This song is entirely sung in English so you don't need me explaining this one to you. The music video was actually shot in Japan.

Connie Springer: Fouradi - 1 Ding It means 1 Thing, and is about a guy with a somewhat player and clown-like image begging 'you' to be his: "One thing that I want from you, is that you stay by me and become my woman". The more playful lyrics in the rap verses really fit regular Connie and Slap On Titan's Connie both.

Jean Kirstein: Kim - Ik Ben Verliefd Means I Am In Love, this was a finalist song from the Dutch national contest of Junior Eurovision. It's a very mature ballad that fared better with adults then it did with the children watching and lyrics like, "In the silence rings your voice," just really remind me of the way Jean would look at Mikasa or in this instance, you as the listener imagening Jean feeling that way about you

Onyankopon : Re-Play - Kijk Om Je Heen Means Look Around You and it's about realizing you are not alone because there is a guy that loves you, "There is one who waits for you, all day and all night long." Because Re-Play is a pretty famous R&B group from the 90s, they were immediately who came to mind when thinking of this dude as he just fits that smooth R&B vibe.

Armin Arlert: Nielson - Beauty & the Brains Despite it's English title the song is in Dutch, if any of you watched TVD you might recognize this as the song playing during the Amsterdam scene. The title is pretty self-explanatory though and it is about simping for his girlfriend who's equally smart as she is beautiful and just an overall package deal. "I'm not so much of a hero myself, but I have my superwoman with me," is a lyric I can see Armin sing.

Reiner Braun: BLOF - Dansen Aan Zee Means Dancing At The Sea and this would totally fit Reiner falling for a girl on Paradis during his mission. It's about saying goodbye to the one he loves whilst he doesn't wants to and having one final dance on shore. "One for your tears, two for mine and three for the horizon to which we disappear". (tiny fact about me: I was actually classmates with the singer's nephew that had a crush on me in elemantary school)

Levi Ackerman: Claudia De Breij - Mag Ik Dan Bij Jou Means May I Go To You. It's about opening up and showing yourself at your most vulnerable state to a strong protector, the latter role is really befitting for Levi, I mean the song literally opens with "If there comes a war, and I'd need to hide, may I go to you?"

Bertolt Hoover: Paul De Leeuw - Ik Heb Je Lief Means I Hold You Dear. It's just a very sweet romantic song that I can picture Bertolt listening to whilst thinking of you. 'I hold you dear, what am I without you. They are four very small words, and they'll make you a little frightened. I hold you dear, a thousand and one nights long.'

Honorable mention for fluff's sake:

Falco Grice: Melle - Dromen Means 'Dreams'. This was a another finalist song from the Dutch national contest of Junior Eurovision. Not only does Melle have a Falco vibe, but it's a really adorable love song where Melle talks about his dreams of becoming a singer and sharing a life with his crush with whom he will always feel like the little boy he is now, no matter how old he gets. I can totally picture this as a shipping song for Falco and Gabi.

#aot #attack on titan #aot x reader #attack on titan x reader #armin arlert #eren yeager #reiner braun #jean kirstein #levi ackerman #onyankapon #bertolt hoover #connie springer #falco grice

[assidueagonia]

Inception

So we laid in my bed, his hand running softly through mine, with the other hand softly caressing my back. Is what we experienced true, is it what I called romance, or is it only an image I created to make myself stay in his touch a little longer. How many people has he laid in bed with and did the same with. How many people's hair did he caress like he did mine? Did he also call them the best he has ever seen? I know to him I'm nothing more than a pleasure and a kiss, someone to fill his animal urges. But to me our touch is way more than that. When our hands touched, it’s as if our veins tangled together in a beautiful array. I can't tell this to anyone though, it’s a secret which I need to keep from everyone, even myself. I can't admit that to myself, or otherwise I'll bleed myself dry from the tears. I want to tell someone, anyone, how I feel, but I brought this upon myself, but I just couldn't help it. He'll find her, a her which will love him for way more and way longer than I will be able to. He'll love her with all the love I ever wished that he gave me. When he makes love to her, he will know that she will bring him the child which he wanted. I won't be able to do that, I'll sit barren on my own grave, and I'll sing a song of a thousand birds and a thousand willows, for am I nothing but a fool of my own creation. Like a flower, he'll pluck my petals while I'm still colorful, but will leave me nude in the cold of a winter night. I hope that when he meets her, he doesn't have to kiss her only at night so that no one will see, and that when he runs his hands through her neck, he won't be afraid to leave evidence. I still lay barren alone in my bed, now a ghost of my youth, who plunges a knife into my back. For I am nothing but a fool, a whore, ashamed of my own decisions and a victim to my own love. I hope that your parents know her name, and that she is all that they ever dreamed of being. May their grand-kids be of their own blood, of a uterus from which a woman carried another human. Why do I stand trial to my own love? I still stand in my bed, a testament of the sin of my own heart. I am put on trial by the world for wanting to be her.  I hope she dies in his own arms, and I hope that when he fucks her, he remembers my name and my face, for no one was to be better than what we shared together. She's a spineless insect, a parasite, she is taking him away from me and I can't help but to watch, as though my eyelids are stapled open. I can't close them even if I wanted to. She's nothing but an object, he'll use her but he'll love me. I am to hate every one of her imperfections. I hate her existence and her birth, her uterus and her breasts. She is useless, yet I don't even know if she is real. Thorns grow around my brain, for my thoughts impure, I wish death upon someone who isn't even at fault. But I can't bring myself to wish evil upon him. I look into my mirror and all I see is a sex object, a pistol, for I can't bring myself to have dignity. I'll let him fulfill his urges on me, I'll let him hide the evidence, and I'll let him leave whenever he wants. If it makes him happy, why would I matter? When he will love her, he'll love her with a purpose, she'll bring his blood into a future world. But I serve no purpose, for I am not a woman, although I'd kill to be one, if that would mean he would love me. To be a man in this world is to hurt, to leave, in his eyes I see that he is only abiding by this because he has too. He wants to be with me, and I know it, but I serve no purpose, I'm easy to hurt.

#poetry

[fuzzytrashbird]

meow! meow! meow! meow!

i commissioned @drearyprince to write a song about my OC !!! 

they took every little idea i had and said “what if that but better” /hj 

but seriously i love everything about this!!!! wah!!!!! 

i wanna dive a bit into my own stupid thoughts for this and info about the OC so read below for that 

first of all omg i was such a FOOL with my ideas!!!!!! i knew i wanted a song about my new boy Marshall aka The Bride of Bone, but all my ideas led to a silly ending, were a bit too much, or were just BORING. 

initially, the end, where it says “Or so they say...” i wanted to be a joke thing that led into a lil gif of Marshall and Skelly (his skeleton friend) bouncing like hahaha u were led to believe this silly tale BUT MARCEL SENT ME A WIP OF THE SONG WHERE IT HAS THE CRYPTIC “Or so they say...” AND I WAS LIKE THROWING MY IDEA IN THE TRASH I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT IT 

along with that, at first i was gonna try to work my butt off for an animatic kind of thing with various drawings that would’ve been fairly simple for me, but then i finished this 

which was just going to be like. a reference for the characters for me to go off of for the rest of the art and i was ready to make more, but again, when Marcel sent me the WIP i was like i know what i must do. 

so i made this background

then i put them together and my brain was like. this. is. IT. ITS PERFECT.  

so i hand Marcel the art to make the video under the impression they’d just use a still image and some fading in or out so they don’t have to work too much bc i was like dw about it you don’t gotta work ur ass off THEN THEY MADE THAT BEAUTIFUL VIDEO TOO?????????? bro im not ok this is so good, y’all im sobbing 

here’s a little bit about Marshall/The Bride Of Bone, if you’re interested. 

“’On full moon nights in summer, if you wander too far into the open field, you might find The Bride of Bone. Dancing in the falling snow with death itself, you are enticed to come closer until you vanish in the snow.’ In reality, this legend known by almost everyone in the surrounding area is nothing more than that. A legend. A legend started by an 8 year old at that. Marshall, also known as the main butler at the Williams family home, and as The Bride of Bone, is a bit eccentric. Upon showing off some of his powers to the only son of the Williams family, he unintentionally started a rumor in the boy's elementary school. As the rumor spread among the children trying to scare each other and the boy told him things spiraled, he decided to help the young master. Taking up going into the field with a fake skeleton he had painted to look real, he would dance a waltz under the summer's full moons. A dance of death, as they called it. Of course, no one has truly died from his snow, but sometimes legends get out of hand.“

Marshall is my newest OC, and, as mentioned, the main butler for the Williams family home. He is also... quite a bit more than human, though not many know that. He adores the only son of the Williams family, Sebastian, and one day while Sebastian was having a bad day, Marshall tried to cheer him up. Not only did he manage that, but he made Sebastian the talk of his elementary school for a few years, before the rumor got out of hand and became a legend as time passed. Now, Marshall carries out the legend on summer’s full moons simply because he finds himself enjoying the dance and has always enjoyed winter more than summer, so being able to make it snow is a plus. 

i have yet to decide on a lot about him, but i look forward to sharing anything i come up with in the future 

here’s a casual Marshall to end the post :3 

#art #artists on tumblr #original character #OC #my original character #song #commissioned song #original song #not by me tho #hes a silly little guy #my blorbo #fuzzytrashbird #fuzzytrashbird ocs #bride #Bride of Bone #this is one of my favorite things to come from my OCs #music #mild fantasy #i guess #it sure isnt real life #i rambled but thank u if u read all this <3

[soemthingsparkly]

please know that if i could draw i would make art of their first gig because reading that gave me a beautiful image of them just having fun playing in a slightly run down little bar and it just. inspired me so much

also, new questions time (answer how many/few you want lol i was just coming up with questions),

1) will grian ever tell the rest of the boatem band about his secret career as Ariana Griande?

2) what type of music do the band play?

3) does pearl get to keep her australian accent when she sings? because some people lose their accents when they sing

sorry for spamming your ask box its just i have become obsessed with this au now

Please know that even sharing the desire to make art out of my little brain rambles is the kindest thing I have experienced today. Thank you for telling me. I'm so happy I could inspire you, especially because you've been inspiring me!

Let's start with the ones that are easier to address!

2) what type of music do the band play?

So I wanted their music to feel pretty contrasting to the music I assume Ariana Griande performs, which I think is probably some kind of bubblegum pop.

So I think Boatem are pretty indie-sounding, a little bit grungy, a little bit mellow. Think Catfish and the Bottlemen, Sea Girls, Snail Mail, and Girl in Red.

I think Scar writes a lot of the music. He just strikes me as the driving force behind the band. He's a pretty funny, cheerful guy, and then suddenly he's handing out new lyric sheets and everybody wants to know if he's okay.

I think Pearl, too, is a talented lyricist. It took her a few attempts to get into it, but eventually she was able to relax and open up. Her lyrics are often about moving somewhere new, leaving things behind, knowing they're still in the place you've left them but feeling too far away to take comfort in their existence.

Which brings me to the next question:

3) does pearl get to keep her Australian accent when she sings?

I think she does. I think maybe at first she adopts a generic middle-American accent when she sings. She tries to be what she thinks the lead singer of an indie rock band should be, but slowly, and with prompting from Scar, she begins to let her true self come through her songs and that includes her accent.

When Scar first asks why she doesn't want to perform as herself, Pearl admits it isn't a conscious effort to be someone else, it just kind of happens.

But slowly she loosens up, realises the band like her for her, rather than what she can pretend to be, and starts bringing her whole self to her performances.

Of course, this lines up pretty neatly with her lyric writing skill, too.

And of course, Grian is there when Scar asks why she feels the need to be someone else.

And of course, that leaves Grian with a lot to think about.

----

For the reveals, I think I actually need to think more on that. I definitely have something big planned, but I think I want to decide on the nuances first

Thank you so much again for your inspiring prompts :) 💛💛

#jaz talks #hermitblr #hermitcraft fanfic #grian fanfic #jaz answers #the best of boatem au #boatem band au

[lordeemailarchive]

Summer's end

(19/08/2022) (Solar Institute Bulletin No. 18) (From an Undisclosed Paradise)

Keira onset for Atonement, 2007

Hello darlings, I write to you from summer’s end. I can’t believe it’s almost gone. Normally in these months, my whole life is lived in deference to the season. I wake up and the weather decides what I’ll do. I spend long days outside. Swims come first, and everything else in my calendar arranges itself around them. This year, the summer’s been like a movie playing in the background. I’ve kept working pretty much since tour ended, spending long days in a dark room, my brain buzzing like a fluorescent tube, eyes watering when I step back into the light. Girls with flushed cheeks walk through my neighbourhood on their way to dinner; parallel universe projections in pretty dresses. Sounds weird, and feels it a bit too, I suppose. Have a week now to swim and chill out before I see some of you again for the makeup shows. I’m looking out at the water as I write this.

Can you believe the album came out a year ago today?!!! What a beautiful blur. I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever grown so much in a single year. In honour of its first trip round the sun, I wanted to share the final (!!!!!!!!!!!!!😥🥺😩) video with you, for OCEANIC FEELING.

It’s bittersweet to be coming to the end of this video journey, but amazing too, because this one is possibly my FAVOURITE video I’ve ever, ever made. Who you see in this video is who I truly am, or who I want to be— open, laid bare, water glittering on my skin, speaking directly to you, nothing to hide or prove, just me. The person with me is my other half and best mate, my brother Angelo. Born on the same day five years apart, we’ve always shared a super close bond. I knew by putting him in the video, I’d be showing myself exactly as I am. Can’t be anyone else when that kid’s around. The end is super special too, an end to the video story as much as to this chapter — my community of loved ones gathered to see me off, a moment of ceremony. It was an honour to wear Simone Rocha’s raffia dresses for this. I kept thinking on the afternoon we shot it that I was marrying myself. Sounds crazy but that’s how it felt. Punctuating this period of intense self reflection with an image that pretty much splits me apart. It’s sort of the story of my life: I never know where I’m going, just that I have to go there. I’m eternally grateful to you for sticking around to see where I end up.

Some beautiful behind the scenes pics by Ophelia. Love the one of my co-director Joel and I staring at the monitor after filming the boat shot, which we did only once.

What else? We have these makeup shows coming up. I’m psyched to be getting the band back together, literally AND figuratively, lol!! Playing around with setlist at the moment — if you’re coming, wanna reply to this email with a song request? Something you genuinely wanna hear?? Let’s have fun! I’m bringing my sweet sweet friend Jim-E Stack to open these shows (he writes and produces songs for ur favs incl. Caroline Polachek, Charli XCX, Empress Of and Bon Iver). Pls welcome him warmly!!!! On the subject of shows, I’m super psyched to announce a show in Rio de Janeiro, supported by the inimitable Japanese Breakfast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve never performed in Rio before, and this show falls right around my birthday. Cannot think of a more amazing birthday location. Presale starts on August 23rd at 10am BRT, code is strangeairlines always, thank you for giving me the best job in the world, we will rage. TICKETS HERE Other notable sides to this summer— Fruit. Just eat some fruit. Easy to forget this true fuckin miracle of nature. I feel almost psychedelic rapture eating summer fruit. Bite into a peach today! Dev played a warmup show the other night at Baby’s, in advance of opening for Harry this month at Madison Square Garden. The show was so beautiful, I can’t believe how lucky we are to exist at the same time as Blood Orange, but he’d doing this thing where every night, the set is recorded, printed onto CDs, and made available to buy at the merch desk. Such a sick idea. Bobby ripped the audio for me and I’ve been listening to it the last couple days, such a warm document, totally alive, the songs better than you remembered, if that’s possible. I go dumb for hearing a friend laugh softly into a microphone basically!!! If you’re going to these Harry shows, I IMPLORE you to go early for Blood Orange. Having a relationship with Dev’s music will enrich your life. I’ll probably go at least thrice.

Renell sent me this amazing skirt. I am the coolest girl in the world in this very cool skirt. It’s called the Sporty Mini, it may not be on their website right now but everything she does is cool. Here’s the stack of books I brought on holiday.

Thinking woman’s flower. Can’t stop listening to this.

Urs truly trying on a vintage Vivienne Westwood shirt the other day

Love you so much. Can’t wait to see you again soon. L X0000

PS. More incredible photos from behind the scenes of Atonement that feel very goth and end of summer to me…

(source: received this email)

[wouldyoudoanythingforme]

i think style might not be about a partner and might instead be taylor using an unhealthy relationship as a metaphor for trying to recover from her eating disorder (kinda like how can't feel my face used an unhealthy relationship as a metaphor for drug addiction) it almost feels like taylor struggling with even wanting to try to recover and kinda romanticizing it to herself if that makes much sense

OH HELLO BESTIE THIS IS THE CONTENT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR. I COULD KISS YOUR BRAIN RIGHT NOW.

Wow, wow, hold please while I look at these lyrics and see if I can expand further. Oh, wow, I hurt myself thinking about this anon, so, let's dissect some more. I think you could be right about this, I think the choice to use style as a red herring was an insane move on her part because from what I've pieced together about her eating disorder, it kind of makes perfect sense for the song to sound the way it does if it is about her eating disorder?

Okay so two important things to note: I believe taylor is autistic and eating disorders have a high comorbidity rate amongst autistics, especially women. So, I know I always bring it back to the autism but I think it's so revelant to the discussion of her eating disorder in general. Like, if you take a look at early taylor, the themes of her music is like I hate myself, I don't have friends and I'm longing for someone to come and take me away from all of this.

This is a very autistic experience to have for women, because the way you mask as a woman relies on the sexist lens that society functions in. So, in order to be the best at everything, which taylor definitely has a compulsion for, as an autistic woman, it makes sense that she would internalize and project this image of damsel in distress/manic pixie dream girl that was the ideal for white women from the 90s-00s. Keeping all of this in mind, style being about on the surface this toxic relationship that looks perfect on the outside is just such a !!!!!!!!!!!!! Connection anon I'm so happy you shared this with me wow.

And so yeah, style being about her eating disorder makes a lot of sense, especially in terms of what everyone is telling her she should look like vs what science says she needs to look like, and reconciling the two images within yourself. Like, yeah, maybe this is a toxic relationship filled with jealousy at other girls (bodies) but at the end of the day, skinny is always in vogue and beauty is pain? Just wow. And also the "I've got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt" line wow, especially with what we know now about how she lost her religion after John + how he basically triggered this to develop in her combined with the "tight little skirt" combining her value with the size of her clothes is right there !!!!

Wow, thank you for this anon. Style has been completely redefined for me, I knew it wasn't about Harry or anyone but I couldn't put my finger on it because autism lmao (why didn't I think of the relationship being a metaphor for unhealthing coping!!! Bcuz I'm autistic). Just, I cannot overstate what a mind-blowing connection this was for me.

#anon love #ask and you shall receive #taylor swift #style #eating disorders

[aggieharkness]

Hay que encontrar su propio futuro

Summary: She never meant to hurt her family once more, she had only expected to wake up with a hangover not with someone beside her that was about to turn her entire life upside down. She never thought she would get a chance at a new life with someone so different and at the same time so alike. Can they really find a future together?

a/n: At last I'm back!! I hope I haven't kept you waiting for too long, but I'm afraid that I've had a lot of things to take care of and I've been multitasking as best as I could. About the chapter, it's the longest one yet, and it seems fair to me that it should be such length being the second to last chapter in this story. WARNING, IT CONTAINS SMUT, you don't have to read it if you don't want to, it's right at the end, you can jump it. As always if there's anything you would like me to change or add or maybe even write something for you I'm here. Enjoy the chapter!! :) I'm Spanish so I used expressions from my own language. I'm afraid I don't know Colombian ones so I had to work with the ones that I know. If there are any Colombians out there that would prefer for me to change what I have written I would very gladly do it, but even so, I hope you like the ones I have used.  

warning: age difference, sexual content (smut), past use of alcohol. Most importantly no Alma Madrigal bashing, i love this woman.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 16

Hay que encontrar su propio futuro

The emotions of the day were finally spiralling inside her head making her slightly dizzy but in overall the most excited she had been in her life, she just couldn’t stop grinning like a maniac at the simple thought that she had just got married to the second man of her dreams. It started dawning on her as they were walking towards the graveyard just how beautiful the church had looked, she hadn’t been paying attention at all to the way the sun seemed to just know how to come through the stained glasses projecting the colours of the rainbow over the altar and the baroque style wood carvings that rested on their bases, Virgin Mary looking with eternal tears rolling down her cheeks how a new bride set foot in her home, the figure of Jesus with his extended arms blessing those in attendance. Maybe her brain hadn’t registered it but the air around them was filled with thousand upon thousands of sweet smells, perfumes, aftershaves, baby powders but they all seemed to be just soft tones among the lilies that Isabela had grown inside the Church, fireflies and beautiful small blue birds flying over their heads with soft buzzings and careful choir songs that seemed to fit perfectly with the organ. It really had been a sight to see but she had just been so preoccupied with getting to the altar in one piece without tripping or falling or letting Bruno take her down if he bent his ankle that she hadn’t even paid any conscious attention. Yet the image would always be engraved in her mind like the dream wedding she had never known she needed nor wanted. 

Another little detail she only realised had happened right under their noses as they closed the gates of the cemetery and a single white butterfly landed on the hands of the angel statue, was that as they had left the church with the candle burning bright in their hands a flock of butterflies seemed to have appeared out of the blue and in a cloud of the golden little insects they had blown the flame and shared their first official kiss as a married couple, their little wings moving in the evening breeze high in the air until there was nothing left of them except for their gentle humming in everyone's ears like whispers in an unknown language that want to tell a story but can’t. Little things she only seemed to see now that metaphorically and literally speaking, the veil had been lifted off her eyes; no more having to worry about whether things would work out, or if they were meant to be together, whether someone would suddenly stand up and object as she had feared when the priest had pronounced those words, booming against the church walls, but as much as the sour angry faces of a few young girls spoke volumes of how they felt and what they thought of this whole things they remained seated and in relative silence. Another win for Alma. 

It really had been a rollercoaster of emotions and she was right in the peak of it all, not that she was complaining, all the worry and absolute fear had made way for this unmeasurable amount of love, happiness and trust that made her thrive, just as Isa had said, like grapes on a vine. With a quiet I love you to the grave of her Pedro she stood up and held out her hand for Mariano, the veil wrapping itself around her waist as the wind blew around her, strands of hair framing her face. He was sure he had died and gone to heaven, she couldn’t just be standing there with the sun directly behind her giving her a most deserved halo of magnificence and holiness, but as if she were his guardian angel he stepped forward and interlaced his fingers with hers letting her take the lead for him, walking in slow steps towards the entrance, closing the gates and resuming their trek towards Casita. Today the world seemed a happier place, the colours more vibrant and everyone and everything that surrounded them even more beautiful than it already was, the dark memories that had once clouded their minds and lives gone, maybe not forever but they were glad it was at least for the time being. They could have easily escaped town, remained alone, hiding in the forest or even in the fields up in the mountains  but it was visible in her eyes that she wanted to share this moment with her family for as long as she saw fit and he knew now that he would do anything, be her slave if she so desired, because even after all the things he had done wrong she had overlooked it all and let him have her, such trust couldn’t ever be broken and he would make sure to be the man she deserved, the man he wanted to be for both her and himself. It was about time he started looking in the mirror and instead of seeing a child he met the reflection of a real man who shared his thoughts and dreams with her, cried in her shoulder when things got too much or when something happened not expecting her to do anything but just be there, a man who woke up in the morning and as he turned his head he thanked heaven above and everyone down on land that he had the opportunity to share a bed with a friend, a companion, a wife and a soulmate.

The music was already playing, travelling down the path as they crossed the bridge; they hadn't even waited for them to start the party, outrageous! There really was no reason for Alma and Mariano to get mad, they had managed to spend a few minutes in the company of each other without being disturbed so the guests could have already cut the cake for them for all they cared.  By the front garden with the doors wide open Dolores was directing people to move to one side or the other. The band stopped playing as they reached the curve, Casita waving her windows at them while Dolores stood in front of a human hallway giving everyone the thumbs up before she stepped aside and the bridal march began to play, guests and family clapping their hands excitedly at the couple. Alma wanted to die, this was just too much for her, she hadn’t been the main character of such a thing in her life and having everyone stare at her, thousands of eyes glued to her form made her turn the same shade as Dolore’s hibiscus flower. To save the day Mariano squeezed her hand pulling her closer as they began to walk towards the house, more rice and petals falling on their heads courtesy of Camilo and a way too happy Isabela, she had let go of that wonderful control she had over her powers, cacti and marmalade bushes sprouting from the floor around her and her family, one accidentally showing up right under her father’s foot, not that Agustín even complained as the spikes pierced his shoe, his smile only turned a little tighter and his clapping a bit more erratic; there would time for Juli to heal him once the party fully began. 

Tables had been placed all around the courtyard, living room and dining room, beautiful white table cloths covering them. Some of the desks were slightly worn while others were hanging on by a discrete book that had been placed underneath their legs, the wobbliness gone for the time being; to Alma though the house looked impeccable, rows of magnificent flowers on the landing and bannister, vines filled with little dragonflies, fireflies and butterflies falling from the evening sky like a rain of colours and sounds, the lights from the little insects mixing with that of the lamps that hung from the ceiling projecting a soft glow. The tiles had even changed colour to a beautiful pale grey with a big dancing floor in the middle of the room made out of red squares so as not to clash with the beauty and delicate atmosphere that enfolded the house. What surprised the couple most was the absolute hugemongous display of dishes that rested on the tables, from the most simple plates of arepas and buñuelos, courtesy of Rosa and Julieta, to the most complicated or exquisite ones such as the gigantic bowl of Mondongo and the trays of carne Oreada that filled the space with the sweet smell of herbs and species with which the meat was cooked. Her eyes jumped from the Carimañolas to la Posta Negra to the Ceviche wondering how in hell her daughter had made all of this when she had hardly been in the kitchen. 

Behind her Juli, Rosa, Sofía and the grocers, Alejandro, highed five proud of their work because oblivious to the whole situation, these four angels had done the entire catering for the wedding in between Rosa’s place and Sofias’, learning from each other dishes they had never even tried, cooking until exhaustion with only the desserts left for the said day. They had come up with this wonderful idea after they realised Julieta wouldn’t be able to use her own kitchen and there was no way she would not cook for her mother’s wedding but it wasn’t until Rosa showed up with two aprons and the recently returned Sofia that Juli began to relax in the foreign kitchen watching in silence and awe how the other woman fried the bananas for the Patacones, pressing them flat when they barely had been taken out of the pan only to put them back without a single blister even though there was oil in her palms. The surprise though came from the young girl, they already knew Sofia was handy with the knife, she was the new butcher for a reason, but they hadn’t taken her for a chef; her hands sliced through the fish for the Patarasca with meticulous care, bathing the skin in herbs and spices before wrapping it in the leaves of the banana tree Rosa had in her back garden to take later to the grill to cook. There wasn’t much of each dish but there were a lot of them to choose from so as they let ones marinate for a few days they would cook others and put them in the ice box until they were ready to be served, leaving the most complicated ones for last so they wouldn’t go to waste if another heatwave came or one of the ice boxes decided to give up on them.

Alejandro added the last bit to the menu when he offered his recipe for Cholado to the ladies, that was the beginning of a forty hour contract without salary nor actual papers to sign, but he was very happy to assist since he would be able to cook for once and not his wife, the poor thing was horrible in the kitchen but she insisted on doing this for him since he worked all day at the store;  for once he would be able to go to bed without wondering if he would be fine in the morning. The pantry in Sofia’s house was filled in less than two days with blocks of ice and fruits, coconut pie after coconut pie occupying the spaces in her shelves, trays of the delicious chocolate Alfajores cooling in between them, two gorgeous Meregones resting on top of two big blocks ready to be admired as the raspberry juice fell in between the strawberries staining softly the merengue. He admitted to having wanted to be a baker his entire life, but that Lucia, his wife, had a thing for fruits so he became the grocers so she would have unlimited fruits all year round. Discreetly they had slipped all the food into Casita very early in the morning without anyone noticing, not even Camilo and had rushed up to set the tables with Luisa’s help to bring it all out before the guests began to arrive after the ceremony had concluded, the only thing remaining in the kitchen being the Cholados so the ice wouldn’t melt, but a big sign in one Casitas’ columns spoke of a delicious dessert that waited in the ice box for anyone interested. 

Everything looked delicious and perfect but all of it was a bit too much for Alma, this whole display was for them both, an entire lifetime of grievances and rough times finally meeting with some well deserved recognition; they were giving her back all she had given to them in the last fifty years and her heart just couldn’t take all this kindness. Tears were threatening to fall, Mariano’s hands shooting towards her face when he noticed asking her if she was alright, if she needed a glass of water to which she shook her head, sniffling half her lungs back into her body. Dolores heard the quiet words between them and upon hearing her abuela confide in her husband that she didn’t feel like she deserved such a wedding, that he did, but not her, the girl just couldn't take it and rushed to her, hugging the woman. If Dolores had said something Alma hadn’t quite heard it but it wasn’t necessary, the way she clung to her dress with her head resting on her shoulder spoke in silent screams that those nasty voices were trying to take over the happiest day of her life and she would not have it. With a kiss on top of the girls curls and a simple thank you everyone began to approach them with boxes and envelopes, presents for the newlyweds as the band sat back in one of the corners and began to play. All Alma got in return was a bright smile from Dolores before she headed towards her parents, the cloud of worry that had begun appearing on top of Pepa’s head vanishing in an explosion of rainbows once more. Of course by the door Isabela was prying the cactus off her father’s foot while Julieta waited patiently with an arepa in hand as if she did this everyday, chatting lightly with Rosa, the woman’s eyes never leaving the bleeding foot with a slight mask of apprehension on her face.

The surrealism of it all would have disturbed others, but of course Alma was more than used to this whole thing, it was her life after all and she had had to survive three five year olds with powers, there was nothing at this point that she could consider strange or weird in any way. Gift after gift the kitchen floor soon filled with boxes of the most unthinkable objects as Casita slid each present through the courtyard floor to the other room. Someone had gifted them a pair of matching scarfs, Mariano found it cute, but somebody else thought that it would be a necessity for the couple to have a rake as a wedding present, polished and everything and Alma really didn't have the heart to say no, she accepted it all with a smile and incredulous eyes as she watched it vanish into the kitchen. Others hadn't had time or hadn't decided on what to give them so they came up to the newlyweds with envelopes filled with maybe a few pesos. Mariano was the one who declined them, saving Alma the trouble of having to push these guests away, the excuse that he would provide for her by his own means sparkling a little flame in  her heart, determination and maybe a bit of his pride mixing with the kind words. How stupid to think he would even consider taking such a thing as money from those who needed it more than them. Once the queue of guests slowed down enough for them to grab a couple of chairs Mariano scurried away for only a second to the drink stand for two cups of very cold lulada, sneaking a couple more squirts of vodka in his. 

Seeing that his mother was alone at last and unsure for how long she would remain as such Bruno hurried her way with his present gently wrapped in a cloth. He hadn’t meant to tell his sisters but it had kind of slipped out one day when they had been arguing about what to get their mother and he had just simply said that there wasn’t any need for him to purchase one which led to questions, many questions, until under the pressure of Julieta’s rolling pin and Pepa’s thundering clouds he had confessed. The next second he had found himself surrounded by arms and loud voices asking him why the hell he hadn't told them sooner and what had been an almost death experience soon turned into a battle of tears and words as the three of them cried and mumbled things no one understood. Seeing Bruno from the corner of their eyes heading towards Alma both daughters rushed to him, hands shooting to grab his arms in excitement as they finally stood before her like three little kids who want to tell their mamá about something they’ve done and are very proud of.

-Are you alright? You have those faces… What have you done?

-Nothing! - Bruno and Pepa’s voices practically yelled in unison, an automatic response to her usual questions, and even after such a long time the power a raised eyebrow held over them surprised them three more than it did to Alma. The two rascals fell under the burning gaze of their mother, swearing on their lives they hadn’t done anything and if they had it had been each other, Pepa pointing with one finger towards Bruno’s chest while he pointed at her face.

-Don’t listen to these two, mamá. We just have a present for you.

-Julieta… Oh, niños, de verdad que no deberíais haberos molestado. There really was no need.

-Don’t worry, we didn’t spend a single peso, so you shouldn’t worry.

-You make us sound so cheap Bruno. Listen and learn, huevón… Mamá, our gift is just too special, too unique to have a price. We could even say that it would be worth every single peso in the entire universe and yet there would never be enough money. See Brunito? This is how you do it.

-Why couldn’t you have got lost in the forest when we were little? 

-Pepa, Bruno, please, not today. Let’s give mamá the present and keep the fights to a minimum or I’m going to get angry. 

In all of this Alma simply sat there watching in amusement how even after fifty years they were still children, siblings in full form and manner regardless of age and status in life; Pepa was married. Had three children and she still insults and tries to jump over Bruno every chance she gets, that says it all. The only thing Alma didn’t appreciate was the rude words that always found place in her children’s vocabulary, but she had given up on that a long time ago, there just wasn’t any chance whatsoever of getting Pepa or Bruno to stop insulting each other, she had learned to just play deaf to that and go with the flow, sort of speak. Both siblings stuck their tongues out to each other before Bruno turned back to his mother noticing for the first time in the entirety of the day that if Pepa or Julieta had waited to get married until they had been Alma’s age he might be looking at a perfect reflection of both his sisters; the nose, the eyes, the cheeks, every single inch of his mother’s face was sculpted into his sisters, each unique in features and yet carbon copies of Alma. It hadn’t really dawned on him that they were not only their father’s children, but Alma’s as well. It struck her as a bit odd even for her son the way he seemed to be staring at her for just a few seconds before Julieta gave him a gentle push that woke him up from his daydreaming, the rectangular cloth covered object was placed on her lap, Bruno’s hands squeezing Alma’s before he stepped back. It really was exciting, absolutely thrilling to think her children had got her something, and even if it was horrid, like a clay sculpture or a painting she would hang it in her room, Mariano would have no say in that, but as her fingers slowly unwrapped the present a soft emerald glow came through the holes of the fabric until the vision was in perfect view for her and the guests. 

The music slowed down somewhat, the previous loud voices and laughs becoming quiet whispers as they stared at Alma and the vision. Bruno was sure they were wondering why he would give her a bad omen on her wedding day, to his own mother, but all the rumours and quiet voices around them were nothing to him as he watched with absolute pride the smile that lightened up her face. It was worth all the pain and suffering he had ever gone through with his gift to see a genuine smile after all this time, one that made all of the bad things as little as a pebble. The cold emerald tablet underneath her fingertips felt surreal to her and yet she couldn’t stop looking, eyes glued to the shape of her husband holding the candle in between their hands, the wave of butterflies she hadn’t noticed in real life swimming around them with their pale green wings. Mariano had noticed the silence that had enveloped the room just as he was putting the jar back on the table, picking both glasses up, but the anxiety of these quiet whispers made him turn around to see Alma and her children stare at something in her hands. His steps were hurried and in his attempt to get to her he almost dropped their drinks but when he got there he saw it all from over her shoulder, a sweet happy smile breaking his previous worried features. 

-I don’t want you to get mad, but I had this when you and Mariano argued and well, let’s just say that there might have been another outcome that thankfully never will be and… yeah, well… Here is… my vision.

-What he means mamá, - Pepa rolled her eyes at him before she took the spotlight and with nervous rainbows shooting from above her head she rephrased his not very on point words. - is that he had a vision and it changed when you two got back together and he kept it a secret from everyone so he could surprise you with this wonderful glimpse of your future and you know Bruno’s visions, they always come true. 

-We were very worried it might follow the other path, but at last love prevails, as it always does. - brown eyes searched for Agustín in between the sea of people, the man softly nodding at his wife before her eyes returned to her mother’s. - And this moment is for you to keep forever, to look at when you’ve argued or when you think that things are not meant to be, that you made a mistake. Bruno saw it, we saw it, and you made it true on your own. With some help from Mariano, as well. - he chuckled behind Alma, his head resting on her shoulder now that he was crouching with the drinks still safely in his hands. 

-That’s what I was trying to say, but you know that I’m not very good at explaining myself. I could make myself think this is a telenovela, but it would probably come out far too dramatic and you like me being… well, me, with my weird habits… so, si, tuve esta visión y bueno, no es tan mala, creo

-Bruno, mi niño, gracias. This means the world to me, to us, y estoy muy orgullosa de ti. De vosotras también, you are my girls and what you’ve done for me in all these years it's worth more than just a weak thank you, but it’s the only way I can express it. Thank you, to you three for saving me when you were just babies, for making me laugh, for bringing me joy, for existing. I love you with my entire being and I will frame this vision and hang it up in my room. 

Their room, Mariano couldn’t help but let his mind drift briefly to the fact that her room was now their room, her home was their home, her life was now their life and he couldn’t be happier to share something as important as this with someone as wonderful as her. After this present no one else dared give them directly to the couple, the simply left them on the floor giving Casita direct instructions to put them with the rest, which also gave them a break from the constant bickering and light conversations they had had to engage in with practically the entire village, the food finally getting tasted.  Alma would have to give her congratulations to those chefs that had made this possible and would enquire about it tomorrow to Julieta but as for today she filled her belly with spoonfuls of the wonderful dishes, letting the coolness of the lulada bathe her overheated body with a wave of relief, there were too many people and too much heat, it was a miracle no one had collapsed already. Mariano excused himself for a minute to fill his glass with some water in the kitchen only to find señor Hernandez sitting with a glass of rum watching something with a saddened smile. He was the jolliest person he had ever met, it was worrisome to see the older man so… defeated sitting at the kitchen table.

-One never expects to fall in love so late in life - Mariano had barely set foot in the kitchen when Mateo started speaking without bothering to look at him, he was far too focused on whatever or whoever he was staring at. - but here we are and I’m very happy for you. It’s a shame to know that an invisible wall stands between two people when they’ve wanted more since they were young.

-Mateo? 

-Would you have stepped aside if Alma had asked you to? 

-What a question… I mean… Yes, I believe I would, why? What’s brought this on?

-I had someone in my life once, it’s not your wife, don’t worry, but she couldn’t leave her family, and I knew there would never be an opportunity for us so I let her be because she means so much to me that I don’t even think I could stand to be one street apart from her. - Mariano’s eyes searched for the spot where Mateo’s were glued to, of course he didn’t think his own flesh and blood would be at the end of the invisible string. Rosa was sitting over some cushions on the floor with Antonio and a few more children around her, waving her arms in the air and making faces at the kids earning rich laughs.

-Since when has this been a thing?

-It has never been Mariano, that’s the problem. We wanted it but you were just a baby and your parents had just left, you were her entire life and there just wasn’t room for me. Don’t think I hate you for it, you are her everything, but I wish I could have been something more than just the old tailor to you. 

-You know she’s never considered anyone in like… ever. She often spoke of a man who she loved dearly and I thought it was my abuelo, but the way she described him… She has never forgotten you.

-I’m glad, but well, moping around won’t change anything and I don’t want to spoil your day.

-You are not. Mateo, were you that secret admirer who sent her flowers and chocolates on her birthday and who accompanied her to the graveyard on her anniversary and on my abuelo's birthday although he’s not buried there? Are you that person?

-We started doing it before you were born so she could spend a day with her own thoughts and pain and we just never stopped. That’s as close as we’ve been in twenty years or more. 

-I only have one thing to say to you. I’m married now and she has given up too much for me already. Give it a go, she has never stopped talking about you and I’m sure she has never stopped loving you. Patience is the key to everything and you have been patient enough. 

-What if she doesn’t want me?

-What if she does? - strangely enough Mariano wasn’t worried about this whole side story he had lived through without knowing, Mateo was a kind gentle man and he couldn’t think of one reason why his abuela didn’t deserve the happiness he now shared with the love of his life. - Go get her Mateo, she’s waiting, you don’t see it, but she’s waiting. 

It was very brief, but when he saw Rosa look up, only for a few seconds, winking at him in that saucy way of hers before she returned all her attention to the children, it lightened Mateo’s mood. Mariano had just left with his glass full of water so he didn’t see how the older man had gulped down his entire glass of rum to head her way knowing perfectly well his knees and back would bother the hell out of him tomorrow, but he still asked if he could join them grinning gently at the children, to which a very pleased looking Rosa nodded. It had been a rather unexpected conversation but Mariano couldn’t quite say he was disappointed, he wanted his abuela to be happy and now that he wouldn’t be with her at home at all times he wanted to make sure she was accompanied, that she had someone by her side and if Mateo was meant to be that person, partially chosen by Rosa herself, he would keep quiet and let it all happen, after all she had let him marry Alma, he couldn’t take her chance at happiness away. Upon returning to the courtyard he saw that Julieta was talking with her mother and both seemed serious, it unsettled him; his steps hurried their way in case something had happened but when he reached them Julieta was quick to explain that they were just going to bring the cake out for them to cut since people craved to party and get a bit drunk. In his mind the idea sounded too familiar and not very fun really, but suddenly a little voice in his head spoke saying that the sooner they got the first dance out of the way it would be easier for the guests to let them be, the opportunity to be alone for more than just a few minutes shining in his eyes as soon as the voice fell silent again. He agreed instantly startling Alma a bit with his excitement but she was rather pleased with it, having an entire village on your back even on your wedding day was tiresome and she just wanted to be in a quiet place with her husband; what a strange sensation it was to have someone to call husband after such a long time, it was exciting, empowering in a weird sort of way and she adored every minute of it. Casita brought a free table, where she had found it? no idea, to the middle of the dance floor, grabbing the attention of everyone as Julieta quickly scurried away to get the dessert from the ice box, Felix bringing a sword out of Lord knows where for the couple to use. Alma wasn’t fond of them, at all, they were linked to something horrible for her, but she had assured her children when they had discussed this bit in particular, that she would be fine; Pepa had even suggested using a normal kitchen knife. She could handle it for a brief period of time, no need to get all worked up over something as simple as it was to lift a sword. 

The dessert wasn’t the most beautiful thing in the universe, there was no buttercream around it or gorgeous designs made out of fondant, it was a simple dark fruit cake soaked in red wine, another tradition that to be honest the adults enjoyed quite a lot, the children not so much since there was not a single ounce of chocolate in it. The band stopped playing as Julieta carefully placed the cake on top of the table ussering her mother and Mariano to grab the sword. Alma’s hands were shaking terribly, so much that she feared she might drop the weapon;  Mariano noticed the hesitance and the way her shoulders tensed when her hands wrapped around the grip, so he rushed to cover her unsteady hands with his own, guiding her arms to lift the sword, both watching as it  flawlessly sliced through the sponge cake and layers of fruit in between, the blade tainted with a soft red colour because of the wine and the fruits. A round of applause followed it, Felix rushing to take the weapon from their hands once two pieces had been cut, no need to let Alma suffer for more than necessary. It felt nice to have it taken from her, she had watched in absolute horror when her daughters had cut their own cakes, heart racing and hammering against her ribs, palms sweaty, but somehow it helped to have it in her own hands, she realised that as deadly as it could be it could also be sort of beautiful and well, she could live with this, she had no intention after all of holding another one in what was left of her life. She raised her slice in the air for Mariano to bite into amused as his lips became a lovely shade of red, maybe she ought to buy him some gloss or a lipstick in that colour, before he offered her his own; she didn’t doubt it and took a bite out of the cake tasting the sweetness of the fruits mixing with the texture of the sponge cake and the sourness of the wine, a strange and yet wonderful dance of flavours in their mouths. Then something took over Alma and instead of handing him a napkin she stood on the tips of her toes and pressed her mouth to his, her tongue running over his lips to lick him clean as discreetly as she could and to see how wonderful he tasted, how different the flavours might be if they came from him. 

With what was left of their slices returned to a side of the plate Julieta quickly took the cake to the kitchen, bringing out a big chocolate one with the help of Rosa, this one covered in white buttercream with lovely flowers made out of sugar and fondant butterflies decorating what otherwise would be a very simple cake, explaining in loud voices that the one that contained wine one was in the kitchen for whoever might want it, Rosa had to make it clear that it was for adults only since through the corner of her eye she saw Camilo heading to the kitchen. Juli’s work had been cut out for her when in less than a second a line of little children seemed to form behind her, their sparkling eyes begging for some of the delicious chocolate cake that stood proudly and beautiful on the table. It really was no problem whatsoever but it bothered her a bit that from her spot on the side of the room she wouldn’t be able to see her mother’s first dance; Isabela noticed the disappointed look on her mother's face as she followed with her big brown eyes the form of Alma who approached the band with her husband following her like a happy puppy. He really would live out in the streets as happy as a child with new shoes as long as Alma was around him. The girl made her way to her mother, her hands resting on Julieta’s shoulders while she flashed her a soft smile in both understanding and gratitude; she could do her mother’s job for a while and let Juli enjoy herself for once, so after she picked the knife from her hands Isabela pushed her towards her father so they could relish each other’s company. 

From a plate next to the dance floor the newlyweds took two shot glasses filled with aguardiente, downing them in under a second before Mariano grabbed her hand and took her to the middle of the room. The first notes of a waltz began to play, her hands travelling up his arms to his shoulders while his rested gently on her waist; this wasn’t how you danced this sort of music but they couldn’t care less, moving from side to side softly, swaying to the music with their eyes locked onto each other, the world around them simply vanishing, not even remaining as background scenery. To them both they were dancing in between clouds, in between the soft rays of pinks and purples with which dusk bathed their minds and skins glowing under the sun’s soft waves of colours, the music was almost just background noise in favour of the wonderful harmony of their hearts beating together. They were floating in heaven. Julieta doubted for a minute but when she saw her sister resting her head on her husband’s shoulder as with melting eyes she followed their mother’s steps over the dark tiles, Julieta pulled Gus towards the dance floor letting him guide her as best he knew to the sound of the music. His left hand rested on her waist, hers on his shoulder and pressed between them their right ones were laced with each other’s as their feet moved without even telling them to; it had been a long time since they had shared just a lovely moment as this with her blue flat alpargatas almost levitating, the skirt of her blue dress wrapping around Agustín’s legs over his dark blue pants, her long curly hair cascading over her shoulder and back tickling his fingers. Pepa and Felix followed just a few seconds later, their excited steps not really matching a waltz either but they had a way of living of their own, her yellow dress twirling around her with her braid dancing over her shoulders. 

Unconsciously there were accompanying their mother and providing the couple with some uncalled for privacy, stealing their spotlight a bit leaving them as secondary characters in the story of their lives, and as much as they would later appreciated it there wasn’t really any need for her children to provide them with anything, they were in a world of their own where when the music stopped they didn’t notice and continued to sway along a precious silence that in their universe of unending beauty was like the voices of angels singing; Pepa had to break the spell and tap them on the shoulder telling them the dance had finished when after one of Felix’s last twirls she saw them still moving from side to side. In between the masses Mateo couldn’t stop looking at the clear want in Rosa’s eyes, he knew just how much she loved to dance, but no one wants to ask an older person when they have young people to choose from and so as soon as the next song began and Alma and Mariano had retired to their chairs he took the opportunity and with confident steps he trotted towards her, stretching his hand while raising one of his eyebrow in a silent question. His heart hammered against his ribs and if he hadn’t known that he was as healthy as a horse he would have mistaken it for a heart attack, but the feeling of her skin on the palm of his hands as she took it and let him guide her to the dance floor gave him another burst of life and lifted twenty years off his shoulders. 

-Mariano, why are you smiling like that? - Alma’s eyes followed the trajectory of her husband’s to see the older couple dancing and laughing, oblivious to the eyes that observed them and the glances people were stealing. - Have you done something?

-No, not really. I just opened a door to someone, metaphorically speaking of course.

-And do you think that this person is going to like what’s on the other side of this metaphorical door?

-He’s been in love for an entire lifetime with who’s on the other side, I simply told him that he’s been patient enough. 

-Are you okay with this? She’s your family and it would be horrid to watch her heart break. - they really fit together, in absolute sync with each other, steps matching, their smiles as bright as the sun, hands laced together as if they had been doing this for a hundred years, how could Mateo hurt Rosa when she was the reason he still breathed?

-They are only returning to each other after a rather long break, he won’t hurt her, I know it, he’s had twenty three years to grow without her, let's give them twenty years together.

She hoped to have twenty years with her husband as well. This is what she meant by the different air that she could feel around Mariano, he was maturing, growing to be a man and she found it much sexier than to have an idiot as a partner like some of the young girls nowadays seemed to be attracted to. The songs the band were playing now were much more party-like, the rythme contagious from the couples that were on the dance floor to those that were joining them, skirts twirling and feet practically speeding around the tiles, their voices providing a chorus to the singers in the band. Now, this is what people wanted, drinks and food flying over heads to get to the little groups of people that were gossiping in the sides and those who were getting their energy up to last all night or for as long as their bodies would allow them to. Pepa took Antonio to his room when things began to get a little heated, besides the boy was past his bedtime and was falling asleep on his mother’s arms as she took him upstairs, it was way past ten, time really did move fast when one is having fun. As the sounds and noises became louder Alma searched through the crowd for Dolores, the poor girl must have been going through hell but when she found Dolore’s red dress she noticed that she was wearing the earmuffs Mirabel had made for her and was chatting with a boy, a lovely young thing of dark features with sparkling blue eyes and hair short and wavy, and the girl did seemed rather happy and content with the conversation at the moment; jolly good for her. Everything was going swimmingly with Mariano taking her out to the dance floor every once in a while, her feet aching somewhat from the pretty but maybe slightly uncomfortable shoes but she fared well, she was used to achy feet and it didn’t stop her from enjoying herself as much as she liked. 

It wasn’t until she saw one of the little girls trying to grab her bouquet that she realised most of the children were probably waiting for her to throw it to go home, some hadn’t been able to wait and now laid asleep on the living room couch with Mirabel and Luisa keeping an eye on them; she bent towards Mariano and whispered the idea to him to which he quickly agreed and stood up calling out all the ladies and gents in the room to get ready for Alma’s unique bouquet was about to be thrown. Just in time because Pepa practically jumped off the staircase to get to the mass of women and some few men that stood in the courtyard elbowing each other and pushing daughters to the front lines. Of course it all happened in slow motion; Alma picked the flowers from the table behind her and turned her back to the people, Mariano smiling encouragingly as she swayed the bouquet up and down before her hands let go and it flew backwards over the tiles towards the people, arms raising up in the air to grab it. Because everyone was pushing each other and trying to get to the front, Rosa accidentally ended up being thrown into the hungry sea of people just as the flowers' trajectory began to descend, landing right on her hands in the most unexpected and unclimaxing way ever. Dolores and Luisa came running to her congratulating her far happier about it than Rosa herself, the rest of women throwing dirty and murderous glances at them as if it had all been planned, but fate seemed to have another plan now that Alma and Mariano were together, it had to find another victim, sort of speak. Julieta laughed uncontrollably at the way Pepa pouted and complained that she was the tallest that she should have got her own mother’s bouquet, Bruno behind her imitating the redhead’s facial expressions, his youngest sister not bothering to listen to the voice of reason dressed in blue that reminded her she was already married. 

Taking advantage of the fact that everyone was already up and more than willing to win another round of games, they decided they would do the equivalent to throwing the bouquet but for men and all those who wanted to participate would have to take a shoe off and put it underneath Alma’s dress; of course Isabela was not very fond of the idea of any man lifting her abuela’s dress and she was quick to offer herself as the link between the shoe and the underneath of Alma’s garment. One by one about twenty men handed Isa their shoes, some as old as her abuela thinking they might get a chance with her if Mariano left or with the other widows or renowned bachelorettes in the village, others as young as the girl forced by their eager mothers. Mariano sneaked number twenty one at the speed of light without anyone noticing and if they did they kept quiet about it, it had taken a lot of convincing from his part to let anyone butcher this chance; it had taken far too much time for Mariano to get the man to agree to just try, to let life decide if they should be together or not and that he wouldn’t regret it at all. Once everyone’s shoes were neatly placed and Isa gave her the thumbs up she began to twirl, about four times in total, squatting over the tiles as soon as she finished the last one with her hands shooting under the hem to grab the closest shoe. A pristine black moccasin was lifted high above her head, questioning glances directed to the unknown shoe until Mateo came from behind a table and kindly asked for it and beaming with delight she gave it to him not before winking and stepping off the circle of shoes with the help of Isabela. Of course, Mariano had learned from the best and was playing matchmaker on his own abuela, what a pro. From her spot and with the flowers still in her hand Rosa watched Mateo put his shoe back on before he headed her way, the disappointed guests returning shortly to their loud conversations and drinking games with the band playing those songs that returned everyone to the dance floor. 

This was his moment, there wouldn’t be a better chance for him and he wasn’t going to sit and simply watch her walk by anymore, he would pull his pants up to his armpits, buckle up and finally have the balls to do what he’s waited twenty three years for. He wouldn’t spend another day of what ifs. His hand didn’t find any resistance from her when he laced his fingers with hers and pulled her aside and into the kitchen where he finally wrapped his arms around her waist until she was pressed against his chest, away from prying eyes. His scent of oranges and chocolate filled her lungs in familiarity, her shocked body tense for a few seconds until her arms encircled his neck, her face hiding in the crook of his neck fitting perfectly. They had waited a lifetime for this little moment, the bouquet forgotten on the floor now that her hands grabbed onto the fabric of his linen shirt. Mateo was beginning to believe that saying that one wedding brings another. Still in the courtyard Mariano had watched his abuela get swept off her feet and couldn’t be happier, Alma’s lavender perfume bathing his senses when she rested her head on his shoulder, watching a little cloud hailing above her Pepa’s head, the little round balls of ice falling softly over her and Felix as they danced their feet away, Julieta and Agustín snuggling into each other's arms in the furthest edge of the dancing floor as if the world was their oyster. Near the front door Luisa and her girlfriend, a stunning short girl of amazing emerald eyes and unruly blond hair, shared a bowl of cholado while they talked and planned their future now that the prospect of living together partial time in a house of their own didn’t seem to Luisa like was pushing her family away, just learning to be with who she choose, free and her own beautiful self. 

Mariano noticed after maybe twenty or thirty minutes that they had settled in a corner sipping lazily their glasses of lulada, no one seemed to even remember that this was their wedding reception, not that he was going to complain it felt wonderful not to have forty people staring  endlessly as if Alma and himself held the answer to the meaning of life. Then an idea sparkled in his mind;  as he stood up his suspicions that no one was paying them any attention were confirmed so he took Alma’s glass from her hands to which she obviously complained and pulled her up into a standing position. For a second she thought he might take her to the dance floor but when he began pulling her in the opposite direction it became rather too obvious that whatever was in that pretty little head of his was not what she had in her own, and so in hurried steps that drew a girlish giggle from Alma he took her to the kitchen and after making sure no one was following them, out into the garden. It was close to midnight by now and the sky above them was a velvet blanket the colour of the depths of the sea, a rich dark blue splashed with thousands of little stars that gleamed up high in between the nebulosas of red and white clouds, painted into the canvas of the sky by an invisible brush, blending with the rays of silvery moonlight that bathed the village. On the edge of the forests that stood around the house small little fireflies floated in circles almost as if they were lighting up a path for them now that they had escaped their own party and stood in the relative silence of the night. Today her perfume seemed to intoxicate him at all times, those deep lavender tones mixing with the vanilla that steamed of her skin, it was as if all his senses had multiplied and everything he felt, smelled or tasted was a thousand times more powerful, his eyes never leaving her form when he turned to look at her.

-Alma, do you trust me? - it took her by surprise she was sure he would mention something along the lines of what a wonderful party or maybe that she looked stunning in that dress although he had already said it like twenty times since they had left the church.

-Is this a trick question?

-No, I just want to know. Do you trust me?

-I think you’ve worked hard enough to earn my trust since that day when I woke up with you in my bed. - it might have indeed been a trick question if it weren’t for the look in his eyes, the way he was expecting her to answer in all truth and honesty. She had given it a lot of thought, and it couldn’t be denied that he had made mistakes but somehow he had learned from them, he had reassured her that he would never make them again and although she knew that, he would surely make new ones and they would argue about them, that’s just how life worked but she didn’t feel weary around him anymore, she didn’t feel as if she had no idea what she was meant to do with him. Deep down she had forgiven him for all those things the instant he had come back to her and apologised demanding absolutely nothing in return. - Yes, I trust you. Why do you want to know?

-Because I want to start this marriage knowing that what we have is true and real and that you won’t fear me. When we argued it was quite obvious you hadn’t let go of the incident in the kitchen and it hurt to know that you still held me accountable for that, which you have every right to do. I just needed to see and hear that you trust me as much as I trust you.

-Believe me, I do, you’ve outdone yourself in showing me every single day that you want to be better and that’s more than enough for me. I’ve given you my heart and I know you won’t break it.

-Such an important task.

-But you are the man for it. - his heart was about to burst in happiness, he had longed to hear those simple words in what felt like an eternity and would hold onto them until death took him.

-I have something I want to show you, it’s all the way in our special place so I hope you're up for a bit of a hike.

-Wearing this? Absolutely not.

-Would it change your mind if I said that I’ve cleared us a path so you won’t damage your dress? It really is a wonderful and beautiful garment and I most certainly wouldn't want it to end up with tears or stains. 

-You think of everything, don’t you?

-I try. So what do you say, shall we go? - her eyes glanced back at the house glimpsing through the kitchen window people coming in and out laughing, joking and talking about trivial things, Pepa’s voice practically booming from within the courtyard announcing the start of “La hora loca” that most certainly wouldn't be just an hour, loud bouncy music echoing through the walls of Casita as the songs were chanted in the wrong keys and by people not gifted with the ability to sing, but at this point no one cared.

-Let’s go.

With her hand still wrapped in his they began to walk away from the house, after all no one was going to miss them if they left a bit earlier than intended. From her spot by the drinks stand Dolores smiled coily before taking a sip from her tea, she might know everything but it didn’t mean everyone around her had to know it as well; she bid her mother a goodnight, waved to the boy she had been talking to and retired for the night hearing in the distance her abuela’s laughs each time Mariano talked about the insane conversations he had had with some of the guests, to hear such a wonderful melody under all the ruckus of the party was as if her abuela had just come back to life after a long time hidden inside a dark room. The trek was not as bad as Alma remembered, maybe because they were not carrying entire bags of tiles or cement, or trying to get big trunks up a hill in between trees and bushes, there was just a lovely path under their feet without a single obstacle slowing them down and to be perfectly honest it was quite nice to walk like this. Around them the trees were getting thicker as they went higher and higher, the noises and music from the reception almost gone by then, and the veil she was still wearing beginning to sway in the breeze far too lively for her liking, the fear of it getting caught in a branch forcing her to unclip it and carry it in her free hand the rest of the way. They hadn’t brought candles, or any source of light for that matter, but the form in which the full moon shone brighter than ever over their heads was enough for them to keep walking through the silvery beams until they met the entrance to the cave. Mariano stopped her from entering when she was about to press her palm over the rock by pulling her softly towards him, his mouth close to her ear whispering for her to close her eyes; she did without hesitation and let him guide her through the darkness, smelling the water from the lake through the walls of the mountain cave, feeling the cool air hit her skin and listening intensely at the way the leaves were dancing in the night as her feet stepped over grass instead of stone.

Mariano gave her the green card after a minute but when her eyes opened she didn’t find a creepy valley in between mountains, she found a perfect piece of heaven in front of her, her heart skipping several beats. Small candles hanged from the trees branches by thin thread making them look almost as if they were levitating, bathing with a soft orange glow the grass underneath her feet, above their heads the night sky was filled with pink, blue, white and purple nebulas and galaxies that moved in slow motion millions of miles away from them and which still felt so close that she could almost touch them with her fingertips, the colours and silvery beams of moonlight casting paintings over the surface of the lake were its gentle ripples only helped them look even more real. As beautiful as it all was, her attention swifted rather quickly to her right side where an exquisite little cottage stood. Their home, finished up to the last nail and screw, its white wooden panels that insulated the inside decorated with gorgeous vines that run all the way up to the roof, the big windows letting her get a glimpse of the inside in the soft white glow of the moon, the front door painted in a beautiful emerald green inviting, waiting. The last time she had seen it there had been just so many things left to do, they had barely got the plumbing to work and she was sure they wouldn’t finish it until the summer of next year minimum but there it stood, beautiful and completed.

-Before you ask I had a little bit of help, and yes they promised not to come here and that they wouldn’t breathe a word about this place. This is my wedding gift to you, I know we don’t have to give each other presents but I wanted to do this for you. 

-You even furnished it, why didn’t you tell me? How did you pay for everything?

-I got a job, I’m the new teacher at the school now that Señor Caballero is retiring.

-What? Since when? - she had heard the rumours that the old man was going to retire soon and that they had already found someone to be his substitute to teach music, but she would have never even considered her husband would be the one though.

-Maybe a couple of weeks. The kids won’t return until September so he’s been teaching me how his classes work, all the instruments he has and all that. I didn’t learn how to play the piano and the guitar for ten years not to use it. Besides, I have a wife now and I am going to provide for her.

-She doesn't need it, you know. - hearing him call her his wife set her body on fire, her heart hammering against her ribs and corset in absolute delight; she could spend the rest of her life hearing him call her his wife, it was as if she had been unconsciously waiting for this moment since she was born. When she spoke her next words her voice trembled a bit, her tone amused and joyful. -She has enough to get by.

-Of course I know, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to do it. She’s more than capable of getting a job if she wished and she has more money than I ever got paid but I will most definitely work for our family. Your children are more or less my children now Alma, your grandchildren are ours as well and I will work for every single one of them even if they are old enough to be my parents. We are a family, a weird one but a family nonetheless.

-What did I ever do to deserve a man like you? 

-Exist.

She hadn’t noticed that with each sentence his body came closer and closer to hers until they were barely a few inches away from each other, his strong aftershave still clinging to his skin in waves of pine that with each breath overflowed her lungs; the gap between their bodies closed as Alma took his face in her hands and pulled him to her, lips meeting lips in a short and soft kiss with the fabric of her veil caressing his cheek.. If she dared to love him more she would explode, he just couldn’t carry on with this sort of thing or she would die of romantic overload one of this days but at the same time it was like a drug and she just couldn’t get enough, she had gone without this sort of thing for far too long and was going to give in to him every chance she got. She would be his shadow and the oxygen he breathed the same way he was hers, a match made in heaven and hell. The way his eyes seemed to look right through into her soul, the feeling of his fingers on her skin was more than she could handle, her knees going weak for a second before his strong arms lifted her high in the air until her entire weight rested on them. In surprise she quickly threw her arms around his neck, no need to land back on the floor and once she was secure and comfortable he began to walk to the front door. He had dreamt of this moment for months, he spent entire nights imagining how to carry her under the threshold of their home would feel like but the reality of it all was only now crashing onto him and he couldn’t be happier because at last he was carrying her to the home they had built together and where he planned to show her around kissing her full lips in every room, admiring her from every angle when she sat on the couch, or a chair or when she laid on their bed, everywhere every single breathing moment he had. The door was unlocked so with a soft push from his foot the hallway came into view and as Alma giggled they crossed the entryway until he stood over the wooden floor with his wife still safely in his arms. As if a little bit of magic had followed them into their cottage the lights turned on and the door closed in silence not really startling any of them, after all they were used to Casita, this wouldn’t be much different if it was a bit of that house's essence what gave life to their second home.

-Do you want to see the house or should we…?

-As much as I would love you to do a tour I think I’d rather go upstairs and get these shoes off at last, and maybe… just maybe I might let you… undress me. - holy shit, she hadn’t even thought about what she was saying until the words were already out but it was worth it if the way Mariano’s eyes twinkled under the light of the chandelier were any indication and to be honest Alma felt quite proud of being this forward.

-Entonces vamos para arriba; whatever my Lady wants she will get.

The journey up the stairs was fast and full of laughter both in his hurry to get there and free his hands and because he couldn’t wait to have her naked in front of him at last, he had waited an entire year to see her and have her, the day spent in the lake not counting of course, and not a single more minute would go by with him simply having her in his arms. Her excitement though was tainted by a bit of fear, she hadn’t been sort of present the first time she had slept with him and suddenly the prospect of being aware of everything frightened her terribly, after all, to her that night was just a memory, she had no recollection of the feelings and sensations and it was sort of weird to be in his arms on their way to their bedroom when she was so incredibly scared and yet filled with anticipation. The tension in her body didn’t go unnoticed by Mariano who after opening the door with his back, both watching as the lights in the hallway and staircase turned off, let her stand on her own two feet in the darkness of their bedroom. For a minute or two she just remained still with her back to him as he closed the door, too stunned by what she was seeing to even acknowledge the way his arms wrapped around her waist. Instead of the ceiling she had been expecting to meet she was faced with a big set of crystal clear windows that let in the moonlight, watching from her spot the entire night sky along with the tiny fireflies and the millions upon millions of stars that floated miles over their home. 

-I had the idea when I saw Isabela’s greenhouse and with Luisa and the glazier’s help we made it happen. Your room in Casita only has one window, you are missing all this beauty and I wanted to make sure you could see the world. Do you like it?

-Like it? I love it, it’s absolutely amazing, jamás he visto nada parecido.

-I’m glad, I was worried I would have to install thicker curtains or cover them completely, it was hard enough already to install the roller blinds and I must admit that the idea of falling asleep under the stars or to watch storms in the middle of the night is rather wonderful and waking up to the dawn with you beside me is everything I’ve ever wanted.

-You just keep on surprising me, how is it that you never run out of ideas, I will never know, but please don’t stop, I love not knowing what might be the next thing you come up with. 

-At the moment I don’t have anything else planned except for one thing and it takes two to do that, so if my wife would be so kind as to help me with an experiment I would appreciate it. - his head rested on her shoulder nearing his mouth to her ear. The words were barely whispers, his breath tickling her skin sending shivers down her spine. - Relax Alma, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.

They were sincere, it couldn’t be denied that he was trying his best to ease her troubles and fears, pushing aside his own wants and desires, there would be enough time to engage in any sort of naughty behaviour after all they had an entire life together ahead of them and the priorities were clear in his mind as well as they were in Alma’s. She turned around in his arms forcing him to lift his head from her shoulder ending up face to face, her left hand letting go of his and her right one sending the veil onto the bed before they began to travel up his arms slowly, almost in a taunting matter until she felt the rough hair of his beard against the palms of her hands, fingertips caressing his cheeks. The universe over their heads shone in his eyes reflecting all the little lights in those big full of life brown orbs that drowned her in an endless ocean of feelings and emotions; it was like this that she stood on the tip of her toes and with just a couple of inches separating them, noses brushing slightly that she whispered against his mouth that she would like very much to help her husband with his experiment, her cherry lips giving him a gentle peck before she took his hands back in hers and placed them on her back. A both blind and deaf person would understand what she was asking him even if she hadn’t spoken since the buttons of her dress were just underneath his fingertips, feeling the silk of the garment smooth and cool in his hands, her warm breath raising goosebumps all over his skin. He noticed that there was a soft tinge of maybe cherries in her perfume now that she was this close to him, his breathing deep to take in the essence of her being as if he could merge with her and become one complete human for all eternity. He didn’t even realise his fingers were playing with the buttons of her dress as he breathed in the perfume of her neck until he felt one of them unhooking, the embroidery of her corset underneath making him freeze his movements for a minute; Alma noticed this along with a flash of unsureness in his eyes but there wasn’t any motive for them to fear each other or worry about doing something, her hands pressed his more firmly over her dress again giving him permission to do what both desired so much.

He continued his journey upwards, unclasping his abuela’s necklace and throwing it on the bed, safe and out of the way next to Julieta’s veil, fingers working on unfastening each button with careful sure movements until the gament began to shift around her body. As much as she wanted to get out of her dress she couldn’t let him pull the garment and leave her in her underwear while he remained completely dressed, she just couldn’t deprive her eyes of the sight of his broad shoulders and toned body so as he played with her buttons she began to work her magic on his guayabera which by the way she would have to congratulate him on tomorrow, she was far too busy to focus on the beautiful patterns at the moment. What a naughty naughty man, with every inch of the shirt she pushed aside more and more skin came into view realising he had forgone his usual vests maybe because of the heat or because he had been thinking about this exact moment since he had woken up but she couldn’t find it in herself to care, eyes focused on his muscles and flawless skin that glowed under the colours of the sky. The last fastening of her dress came undone, the fabric releasing its tension and slipping of her body onto the ground just as his guayabera danced his way down to accompany her dress over the wooden floor of their bedroom. She stood before him with her white corset gleaming, his eyes roaming her form from her bare arms and her heaving bosom that seemed to be begging for release from its embroidered confinement all the way to her hips were her lace panties blended onto her stocking with her lavender blue garter decorating her left leg, hungry powerful eyes that made her feel like the most beautiful and desired woman in the world. He pulled her against him in a rough and quick motion, feeling her chest against his as her hands pressed onto his shoulders, his eyes landing on the white thread that held her other wedding ring around her neck. When she saw how his eyes were glued to her throat but he didn’t make any effort to move closer it dawned on her that he must have found Mirabel’s little detail and yet there were no shadows of possession or anger in his eyes as she had feared for a second, she could feel the pride practically steaming of his body as his fingers lifted the golden band to get a better look at it before he carefully returned it to its rightful place over her collarbones.

She had dreaded his reaction and had wanted to tell him that if he so desired she would take it off, but that submissive part of her wasn’t as convinced as she had previously thought, not that she would have to worry about it much, his smile and the soft kiss he pressed over her skin just next to it dissipated all her doubts and rising anger, although she had no right to be angry when he hadn’t done anything, yet. The spots and beauty marks she had on her exposed skin were paths that travelled to forbidden places that only he had the right to explore, eyes connecting each single one as if they were stars that had fallen from the universe up above through their glass ceiling, fingers following them while leaving goosebumps where he touched her skin and trails of invisible fire that soon expanded to her entire being. This was her first real experience with him and she couldn’t think of any reason to stop him from adoring every single inch of her flesh, the way he caressed her skin with tender movements made her feel as if she were a work of God sculpted by his own personal angels for Mariano only. He loved her with his entire body and soul and as much as he wanted to keep her beside him at all times, he felt unworthy, such a work of art shouldn’t been manhandled but as if he couldn’t stop himself his hands kept on tracing every wrinkle, every little mole and scar his eyes could see. His journey was cut short in a rather abrupt manner when his hands encountered what he could see of her full breasts, fingers brushing against the upper hem of the corset. If words had been needed the spell would have been broken but Alma understood perfectly well as he raised his eyebrows in an questioning manner what he wanted, turning around until her back was facing him and she was looking up at the sky to try and control her speeding heart. The strings that held the garment together were becoming less constricting and far more loose until she felt how it wanted to drop off her body to leave her half naked before him, her arms shooting up to cover her chest when Mariano managed to let it fall around her feet. She really did want to turn around but sudden shyness prevented her from moving as if her body were as heavy as lead and just the thought of lifting her legs was unbearable, his hands on her bare back leaving her breathless. 

They travelled up to her shoulders gently turning her around until she was face to face once more with those gorgeous eyes of his locking with hers. This time there was no question asked. She took a deep breath and let her arms fall to the sides exposing her bosom to the chilly and yet warm air around them, seeing how his eyes were as black as coal and so dilated she almost couldn’t see his iris. It happened so quickly she stood there like an idiot for quite some time before she started melting into his arms, her mouth assaulted by his lips in a hot and hard kiss that would surely leave her lips swollen but she didn’t want him to stop, quite the contrary and so she granted his tongue access while her hands held onto the back of his head until she felt her knees hit the mattress. Her body fell over the bed just beside the veil and necklace that Mariano quickly pushed onto the floor resting his hands beside her arms admiring the way her cheeks and lips were as red as a beet, her chest rising and falling in heavy breaths. She was the most exquisite being in the entire universe, boundless, endless but he wanted to see more, needed more and she was more than willing to give it. With his hands on her back he pulled her into a sitting position but she was faster this time and her hands grabbed the buckle of his pants sliding it off his hips and onto the floor before unbuttoning  and unzipping his trousers and watching with a naughtly smirk as they pooled around his feet. He really couldn’t help it, a roar of laughter escaped his throat, a contagious joy that soon filled Alma; both remained there laughing and grinning until she couldn’t breath and his lips crashed over hers once more, his feet kicking his shoes off to let the pants finally fall over the floor panels, the only garment left in his body being his shorts. The way his hands were itching to touch every part of her was torture but he fought it as much as he could while his mouth moved down her jaw towards her throat.

Her gasps turned into quiet moans as his lips left fiery trails and red angry marks on her olive skin where his teeth had brushed and bit her flesh, his mouth now sucking down hard on her pulse point making her eyes roll back for a second. Whether he had the intention to move further down there wasn’t much opportunity left since her hands had shot up to grab his hair and keep him close, his nose pressed against her neck bending quite hard over her skin in a rather uncomfortable position. It wasn’t until he stopped his actions that she let go with a disappointed whine that soon became another series of gasps as he travelled lower leaving kisses over her sternum, licking the melted reflections of the colourful nebulas off her flesh over and over with her heavy breathing making way for louder moans. There was not a soul around them for miles so she could scream as loud as she wanted or remain silent, it was up to her, but his main goal was to hear her, all she could give and more as his hands moved from their place around her hips up to the sides of her rib cage until they finally made contact with the soft flesh of her bosom. As soon as she felt his hands begin to knead them gently she was set on fire, yelping in surprise and pleasure while his lips carried on kissing and licking all around them but obviously avoiding them. After a little while his hands were not enough and she yanked his head away from her sternum and pressed him against her left breast quite rudely and commanding though he found it extremely sexy and hot, so he didn’t complain but sucked hard on her sensitive skin until he finally decided to give some attention to her nipple. She was sure she had died and was in heaven; the dull feelings she could sort of recall from their previous night together were bullshit compared to this, she felt both hot and cold all at the same time and the way his teeth and tongue played with her oversensitive nipple was driving her inside while from her throat moans and whines escaped without resistance.

Once he grew tired of her left side he switched to the right one with her fingers pulling his hair whenever he did something good and pushing his face closer to her body as if she might get more of him that way but soon she began to feel dizzy and the pool of endless heat that had formed on her lower belly began to make her legs twitch under his ministrations. She called out his name and practically yelled at him to stop when the first time his name came out more like a whimper than an actual word. He removed his face quickly from his previous place to see how her flesh was coated in a soft layer of sweat and red as a cherry with her breasts heavy and swollen filled with marks everywhere that would surely turn to bruises in the morning. The terror expressed on his handsome features went unnoticed for a minute by Alma as she more or less managed to steady her breathing and stop seeing white stars under her eyelids. When she opened them to find him staring at her like that she quickly sat on the bed and took his face in between her hands.

-Mariano, I’m sorry, it’s okay you weren’t hurting me at all.

-But you asked me to stop, if I was doing just fine why did you…?

-Because it was becoming too much, a woman’s breasts can be very overwhelming and you were playing all the right notes. I’m sorry if I scared you, I didn’t mean to.

-Then… I was doing great? - a smirk spread over his lips as he bent over her figure.

-I would say so, yes.

-Good… relax then, querida, I can do much more than this.

Laying her fully on the bed his hands walked over her left foot all the way to her thigh causing her to spread her legs a bit but his destination was not the treasure she hid under her lace panties, no, his teeth grabbed her garter and pulled it off slowly while his eyes remained locked on hers; he watched in amusement as her eyes became dilated once more and her breathing ragged and quick. What was so inherently sexual about a man taking off a garment with his teeth was unknown to Alma but she could spend all night watching him do this over and over but of course his skilled hands soon made her lose her train of thought as his fingers began to pull on the waistband of her underwear until he started sliding it off her legs making sure to keep her stockings on, the shoes having already been thrown to the floor sometime ago; for him seeing a woman not fully naked like this was like drinking from a fresh water lake after weeks of not having a drop. Fully exposed to him as she was, he drank in her form, every single inch of her skin as precious and exquisite as the next, all her marks and imperfections the most wondrous features he had ever seen. He lowered his head and gently spread her legs as wide as they could go and began kissing his way over her thighs, the smell of her arousal salty and exotic and yet so well known to him, red angry marks forming a path up her legs until he finally left a short peck on the junction between her pelvis and her thigh, so close to where she wanted and still so far. He commenced his exploration with the fingers of his right hand keeping the left one on her hip to hold her down, his hand moving up and down her folds finally hearing the moans and whimpers he so desired to, spreading her apart as her juices coated his fingertips, gleaming under the moonlight in what looked to be the elixir of life. 

Her head stopped spinning to focus on what he was doing, her entire world becoming her lower regions as well as the feelings and sensations that came from deep within her as he finally placed his mouth on hers. The way his tongue run all over her pulling and sucking and, for lack of a better word, fucking her senselessly was just too much and yet so little, she wanted and demanded more with her yelps and quiet screams. He might not have been versed in anatomy too well but he certainly knew Alma’s body and more or less what she liked and what she didn’t and when her pants became not enough for him, his fingers teasing her entrance, he assaulted her bundle of nerves; the instant she felt him around her she was lost. Her hips jerked upwards, hands pulling on his hair and pressing him harder and harder, she was just so close, and with each brushing of his teeth and the force of his sucking and licking she could feel herself begin to drown in a pool of white deep heat, stars and blackness forming behind closed eyelids. Without warning his fingers pumped into her at full force and with just one more strong pull of his teeth around her clir it all unleashed with a loud scream that soon turned into his name as she came hard on his face, his tongues helping her ride her orgasm out until she collapsed over the mattress panting hard with her inner walls still contracting and twitching every once in a while around his still fingers which he pulled out as soon as she finally was able to open her eyes. He was kneeling over her, watching her flushed body in absolute awe and the veil of pleasure that still coated her eyes. She smiled lazily at him to reassure him that he had nailed it, which to be honest he was quite proud of, he hadn’t slept with anyone since that night he had shared with her and knowing that he still had it was rather pleasing for him. 

Her arms were a bit weak and shaky as she pushed herself off the mattress a bit, but when her hands went to grab his firm ass to show him just how well he had done she discovered that he was still wearing his underwear and they couldn’t have that; with renewed strength she wrapped her legs around his waist and turned them around so she was now on top of him, a few locks of her silvery hair cascading over her shoulders and down her back mirroring the beams of moonlight that were now shining right over their heads. It surprised Mariano to see her take advantage of the situation like this, he had never taken her for a top person but he wasn’t about to start complaining, she was like a venus that had come straight out of Botticelli’s painting, soft of velvety skin as pure as water and as delicate as porcelain. Her slender fingers soon found the waistband of his shorts, pulling them down with a raised eyebrow as if she was challenging him to stop her, but he laid still until she was done, her hand raising the garment in the air to show him before she threw it on the floor. She bent over his body pressing her chest on his, her lips whispering in his ear.

-Tell me what you want.

-Alma.

-Dilo, dime lo que quieres.

-A ti. 

-Then you shall have me.

He was two seconds away from exploding, Alma moaning against his lips as she kissed him deeply tasting herself in his mouth, her hands resting on his shoulders with her legs straddling him. He could feel her juices dripping on his lower abdomen in the sexiest way possible,  definitely drugged on her perfume and the smell of her arousal, he was addicted to her and would remain so for the rest of his life. Her lips travelled south along his strong jaw, leaving what would be a bruise on his pulse point before her kisses turned into licks all over his toned pectorals. It caught him by surprise to feel that her hand had somehow gone down to his thigh and her fingers were so incredibly close to his painful erection, he almost came undone when her fingertips brushed against it gently; she had to be playing a game of torture otherwise he couldn’t understand how it was that he wasn’t dead yet from the inmense pleasure she was giving him with just her hand, warm and soft against his shaft. When she felt him twitch under her actions she stopped, letting him go and giving him a minute so he could calm his breathing down and stop whining so much, she wasn’t going to let him finish just yet; upon opening his eyes he saw Alma practically sitting on him and unbeknown to his own foggy mind he begged. Yes, for the first time in his life he begged for her to do as she pleased with him and finally offer him sweet relieve and to be honest to herself, she wanted it as well, there would be plenty of opportunities to torture him like this in the future. Her hand grabbed him once more and guided him to her entrance, lowering her body gently and slowly over him and until they were connected at last. The thousands of sensations that assaulted her mind and body were like both death and an extraordinary feeling of unruly life; she felt filled in every possible angle and couldn’t quite get enough of him. When his hips jerked upwards pushing him impossibly deep inside her, Alma’s eyes rolled out the back of her head for a moment before her hands were pressed on his chest and she began to move. Up and down, back and forth, in circles, every motion brought a new wonderful feeling of friction that made both moan and whimper, Mariano’s hands firmly on her hips to keep the pace steady and in sync. 

Her walls were tight and so warm, a delicious feeling of being squeezed making him dizzy each time she moved, her hips slamming against his bruising each other but they couldn’t stop, he even bent his legs so he could match her thrusts and rail her as hard and fast as she wanted him to. Each scream and moan became louder and louder as they both got closer but he wanted to drag this out for her, so their mismatched movements when he slowed down lost some of that wonderful friction earning him an angry glare that only enhanced his own arousal; how could she look both so angry and so hot at the same time, it was driving him insane. Out of frustration her nails began to scratch the skin of his chest as a warning; why was he doing this, she needed more and he was holding back and if she carried on like this she was going to draw blood out but thankfully he noticed that she was getting more and more frustrated and angry by the minute and that wasn’t what he had been intending so with both hands back firmly on her hips and positioning himself properly under her he returned to his previous speed. The next thrust made her scream, accidentally piercing the skin of his chest with her nails though neither noticed, they were so close, almost there. In a spare of the moment thing, he grabbed one of her hands and took it down to where they were joined, rubbing with mixed fingertips her bundle of nerves; he was far too close to hold it together for much longer and he wanted her to finish first. His hand moved erratically along with hers, the slapping sound of their flesh as they rose and fell in unison echoing throughout the room, her juices dripping down his thighs. The flashes of light were beginning to overwhelm her and the pool of heat was setting her entire being on fire, she was a wildfire about to lose control and with each second she felt herself getting closer to release at the speed of light and at the same time so slowly until at last the white raw painful heat enfolded her. Her walls clenched around him with such power, her throat raw from the loud scream that had escaped her body, legs and arms trembling almost violently, but he carried on, the way she was milking him feeling like a heavenly experience, his own climax overwhelming his senses forcing his hips to slam harder than ever against her; she hadn’t come down from her orgasm when another one was already rolling over her body in a massive wave that rendered her weak, collapsing on top of him as he finished spilling himself inside her.

Since they had been joined far too focused on each other, they hadn’t seen that from the sky a rain of comets had been falling in between the stars and the moon leaving estels of bright light in their wake, resembling fireworks if you thought about it for long enough. They didn’t have much brain left at the moment, they were still trying to control their breathing after such a strenuous and beautiful activity, her arms wrapped around his neck with his hands resting on the small of her back. They had thought their little place where their now home stood was a piece of heaven on earth, after tonight it was paradise; it wasn’t until a few minutes later that Alma felt strong enough to roll off his body and onto her back watching the night sky through their glass ceiling with lazy eyes, their fingers laced together.

-I don’t know about you, but I think that if you give me ten minutes we could practise some more. It’s been amazing, better than the first time, but I’m sure we can top it; what do you say, caramelito?

-I’d rather think this was our first time, though are you sure you can handle a second round? I wouldn’t want you to hurt your hip, at your age it can be quite a nasty injury.

-At my age? Give me five minutes and I’ll show you what twenty three years can do.

-Promesas, promesas. - he was now the one on top kissing her all over her beautiful face drawing out one of those belly laughs that make you cry in joy. When he pulled away a bit and they were face to face once more he could have sworn he had fallen in love all over again with those deep brown eyes of hers, the beauty mark under eyes, her full lips… He had no doubts in his mind that he had been mistaking her for an angel this whole time when it was as certain as the sun that she had to be God, no other would be able to surrender him to her boundless power, intelligence and beauty. - Mariano… I want to tell you something.

-Are you okay? Did I hurt you?

-No, you did nothing wrong. It’s not bad, it’s very, very good I promise. - her fingers brushed some hairs of his beard before grinning softly at him, her wedding ring shining against the beams of moonlight; she had waited for far too long to say it and she wasn’t going to hold it back anymore. - I love you.

Fireworks were exploding in his chest, mind and soul, he hadn’t thought she would ever say it and he had come to terms with it but hearing it now, like this, he realised they were the most wonderful three words he could have heard in his entire life. All the heartache had been worth it just for this.

-Say it again, por favor.

-I love you. 

-Otra vez.

-Mariano, te quiero.

-Yo también te quiero, Alma.

#alma madrigal #abuela madrigal #encanto #dolores madrigal #bruno magridal #julieta madrigal #pepa madrigal #mariano guzman #señora guzmán #disney