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#this is. semi serious
noxianwilled · 9 months
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i think katarina is only dressed Like That to show off the tattoo actually
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yenvengerberg · 1 year
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tumblr likes to pretend it's the home of the quirky non-conformist kids but in reality it has one single braincell and that's currently screaming 'vanilla extract'
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one-time-i-dreamt · 1 year
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Idk why potatoes are sold out in the Tumblr shop but literally today I learned that my dermatitis has been worsened by my potato intake so it's good that I missed them I guess
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thealogie · 2 years
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This is a legit book I saw in the bookstore today and lads? I do not think it’s satirical
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oysterdelite · 4 days
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Just cause you’re a kinky couple doesn’t mean you bang every night. Even those who enjoy a good creampie need a break from jorkin their peanits
Also, foreplay doesn’t have to be moments before you have sex. You can have foreplay for days. Hell you could have foreplay, take a week off, and still have it last for after the week is up. I recommend making jokes at each other as a form of foreplay. That or maybe send pictures, buy new toys, sometimes a dinner out can be foreplay if you do it right.
All things aside, sex ain’t the end all be all of a good relationship. But if you wanna have good sex, make sure there’s some foreplay. Really helps you get in the right headspace for jorkin it with your partner!
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mail-me-a-snail · 4 months
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congrats johnny! that's the worst anyone's ever done it!
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pencilscratchins · 1 year
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every once in a while i’ll draw actual ship art and then remember who i am, so i go back to my lane and make more frasier jokes (twitter) [ID IN ALT]
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suncrat · 11 months
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Him.
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stozkpile · 8 months
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Girl w serious swag... Unrelated thing under the cut (Very unrelated you have been warned)
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klavierpanda · 1 year
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You've heard of "raging homosexual" well get ready for raging aromantic, I'm gonna start breaking shit
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theminecraftbee · 2 months
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last minute demise winner’s prize prediction: demise winner gets to force everyone to do a minigame of their choice now. the gaming will continue. they demand it.
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crystalflygeo · 1 year
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Surrogate eggs ft Zhongli + fem!reader
cw/tags: Egg-laying/Oviposition, semi-plublic sex, multiple orgasms, slight fingering, overstimulation, dirty talk, breeding kink, Zhongli has a dragon tongue, praise kink, sex toys??, improper use of geo (can you tell I love that tag?), pet names, some pain??, aftercare.
notes: I disappear for a week and come back with this absolute FILTH omg. It really is just almost 2k of egg-laying made sexy because I am a degenerate and want nothing more than Zhongli filling me up with eggs <3 sorry not sorry.
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Having a 6000 years old dragon ex-god as a lover sure meant you were already more or less used to a certain… spice in your life.
But this, this was certainly new.
“Ah- Zhong- Hnnhg!”
Your legs tremble as a newborn fawn as you stray off the main path and lean against one of the golden ginkgo trees by the side, panting and whining softly.
“Are you alright dear? You look quite flustered.” Zhongli curiously trails after you, hands behind his back, perfectly poised. As if he wasn’t the one making the cor lapis eggs in your pussy vibrate and tease your insides. “Do you need to rest? We’ve barely reached the base of Qingyun peak.” He asks, an amused smile on his lips.
“B-bastard.” You huff out with a pout and immediately feel the vibrations intensify. “O-Oh… fuck-”
Three. Three small polished cor lapis pieces in the shape of eggs, warm and snug and deep inside you. They shift and rub against your sweet spots, pulsing at his will ever since you stepped foot in Jueyun Karst, at first it was an odd sensation but soon enough your panties were soaked, juices running down your legs as you struggled to keep standing, sweet noises coming out of your mouth that only made Zhongli’s gaze darken.
“Zhongli…” You cry out.
“Yes, darling?”
“S-stop… mmh”
“Oh? But you seem to be enjoying yourself so much.”
“Stop… playing dumb.” You grit your teeth, clinging to the tree for dear life. The vibrations calming down to a soft hum, a gentle fucking not unlike his cock. “Please I’m-” You whine again.
You feel his finger softly raise your chin and your hazy half-lidded eyes were met with glittering gold, his diamond pupils mesmerizing and his stare soft and affectionate but also domineering, commanding, and full of lust.
“What do you need, my dear? Tell me.”
You choke a moan at his authoritarian presence, shifting and rubbing your legs together as the pleasure robs you of your strength. “P-please… Zhongli, make me come, please I n-need- It’s not… enough.”  
His eyes shift to the side as he seems to consider it for a moment and you almost mewl for his attention, eyebrows knitting together trying to steel yourself.
“Alright.” He concedes, and leans forward to kiss you softly.
Well, at first.
The geo eggs inside you start to shake and vibrate more intensely and you gasp at the sudden rush of stimulation, Zhongli holds you and pulls you closer, taking the chance to snake his long dragon tongue into your mouth, quickly deepening the kiss and set on devouring you.  
“Hmpnnng-” He swallows your moan as you kiss back the best way you can but it’s suddenly so much- too much- you’ve been teased and edged all the way and he’s- he’s just-
Your body shudders in his arms and you let out a high-pitched noise as you climax. Your insides squeezing and milking the toys inside you, dragging on the pleasure for longer and you cling onto him as your legs threaten to give up. Bliss, pure bliss. And he hasn’t even touched you proper yet.
“There we go…” His rough voice mumbles as he breaks apart the filthy kiss, his hands rub at your hips and you vaguely realize the geo eggs have stopped again. He carefully maneuvers your pliant body until you’re both sitting on the yellowed Liyue grass, his back resting against the tree while you sit between his legs, your back pressed to his chest.
He spreads your legs and holds them open with his own, you blush heavily as you realize his intentions, hiking up your skirt to reveal soft thighs and wet panties to the world. The flimsy fabric is soaked and clings uncomfortably against your pussy, more so as you feel the soft breeze.
“W-wait… right here?”
It is true that barely anyone ever enters Jueyun Karst but it was still risky. A lost adventurer, a lone merchant… you weren’t that far from the main dirt path, anyone could walk in and see you… exposed like this.
Your insides clenched, throbbing around nothing but the eggs inside of you.
Archons you really were depraved.
Zhongli rubs your inner thighs comfortingly before pulling your panties aside, his long gloved fingers skim your heated pussy lips and rub at your hole as it twitches wildly in response.
“Zhongli…” You moan weakly. “I’m so full.”
“I know, you look so pretty with my eggs inside you. Breathtaking.” His other hand rubs circles on your navel. The warmth within the geo energy sent through him spreading heat in a sensual way. “How about you push them out for me and we can be done. I’ll take you home so you can rest, my precious mate.” He nuzzles you.
“W-wha…” You mumble dumbly, but instinctively lean to his touch.
“They’ve been inside you long enough, and… we’ve had our fun.” He explains, kissing at your jaw. Two of his fingers easily sliding inside you, making you jump. “Don’t you think it’s time to let them out? I want to see you lay them.”
Pressure builds in your gut and you nod, biting your lip. Her works those sinful fingers in and out of your pussy slowly, scissoring them to stretch you a little and you moan. Not that you needed that much preparation with the recent orgasm and your… activities early that morning.
After all, those eggs had gotten in somehow, hadn’t they?
Only a few moments later and you feel ready, panting rapidly as if you truly were going into labor yet at the brink of another orgasm, you weakly pulled his hand away “H-Hold me…” You mutter heatedly. Zhongli kisses you softly and you take a deep breath.
And push.
The first egg slides down freely inside you, rapidly moving until it catches at your entrance, it burns a little but feels so good, lightning up pleasured nerves in a way that had you mewling before the stretch disappears, coming out alongside your spilling juices and onto the grass.   
Zhongli doesn’t hesitate to slip his fingers back into your heated core to soothe the sore muscles and play with your pussy a bit more, rubbing over your raw clit to make your hips stutter and your legs shake trying to close.
“That’s the first one, two more.” He says softly, his chin resting on your shoulder as he obviously stares between your legs entranced. You flush at his actions. “You can do it.” He encourages you, elegant fingers spreading your folds lewdly and soaking in your essences.
The whole experience is making you dizzy.
“I-I just… I just need a moment.” You pant, groaning and shifting your position a little so you’re less sitting and more lying against him, lifting your hips slightly and offering him an even better view from above.
“Just imagine the real thing. There will be more of them, slightly bigger and thrumming with elemental energy.” He growled softly against your ear. “Our children. Our clutch.”
It’s just dirty talk. It’s just dirty talk and it sets your blood on fire to hear it. You know his base draconic instincts are going haywire with the idea and archons you want that. You want that so badly.
Another egg stretches your hole and you can only imagine what it looks like as it slips and spreads you open. “Ah- Ah!” You toss your head back, let out a long moan and strain the muscles of your stomach before finally it slips out.
“Good girl.” Comes his smooth baritone in the form of a praise. You sigh in relief, rutting against his fingers as reward. You see slick threads of your juices all over on his gloves, the shiny eggs and your pussy, connecting everything together in a mess of a shiny cobweb. It’s obscene.
It’s so hot.
“Just one more, darling.” The ex-archon soothes you, possessively rubbing at your navel once again although you feel something’s different, like something shifts a little inside you. “Though, I feel this one is just a little bigger… closer to the real thing.”
Your eyes widen.
“No, no, no, you did it on purpose… just now… m-make it smaller again, please!” You shake your head frantically, digging your nails against his arms and squirming against the feeling of his fingertips dancing around your folds.
“Shhh, shhh” He cooed, kissing at your neck. “You can do it, I know you can. Consider it… practice.” You can practically feel the smirk Zhongli presses against your skin.
“I already came so much…” You whisper, tears in your eyes. “Zhongliiii…”
“You got this.” He kisses your temple. “Just one more. I want to see that sweet pussy stretch around my egg, please?”
You groan at his filthy words, hips snapping against phantom stimulation as your pussy quivers. You brace yourself and breathe in deeply before squeezing your eyes shut and doing your best to push against the overstimulation. Your hole stretches impossibly wide, widening against the grit of the egg and pressing against your clit making you keen. It rests there a few seconds, heavy, solid, before finally popping out with a wet squelch, dropping right by the other two, and you scream at the excruciating mix of pain and pleasure.
For a moment you can’t even breathe, much less speak as you rest a little. Black spots dance in your vision and your ears are ringing. When you come to again Zhongli is desperately peppering you with kisses, caresses and praise. Hugging you close and growling dark promises into your skin.
“-did so well. My little mate. My perfect mate. Want to breed you for real. Fill you up. You’d give me wonderful little half adepti. So good for me. Truly worthy to be a dragon’s mate. Should keep you in my nest. Love you so much-”      
Sluggish, you close your legs and pull down your skirt clumsily, ignoring the soreness and sticky feeling as your body sags against him in exhaustion.    
The dragon is practically purring, having mellowed down a little yet obviously pleased after having you bear his eggs, albeit fake ones. The intention is there… as well as the possibility for the future.
“We should go to the abode, you deserve a good rest. I’ll clean you up and get you something to eat and drink, hm?”
“Just a little more, Li.” You mumble tired. “It’s warm and cozy here…”
He chuckles and pets your hair. “Alright.”
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spirallingstarcases · 8 months
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// feeling so good right now //
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akonos · 1 year
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thot thursday with terzo emeritus and his most recent purchase
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rogue-centric · 2 months
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bri-does-art · 1 year
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An assortment of CotA related doodles from my sketchbook (and one digital), that can also be found in the end notes of chapter 6.
(Source for the last one: Capochiino’s “I’m so f***ing done” expression meme)
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