Tumgik
#this one is harder for me to choose on then the first one lol
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(sequel to this and not including the arcs already mentioned in it, though some of them are character-development-y; almost included shinsengumi death game, memory loss, and hasegawa prosecution, but one had to go so i cut them all for equality; and gintoki’s the main character of a lot of arcs but i think shinigami is one of the more significant ones that wasn’t already in my previous poll)
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silenthillbunni · 3 months
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📓🕯️🐇🖤
#just a little diary dump:#i've contacted my school therapist again. asked for help regarding anxiety abt schoolwork since i dont get any other treatment#she said she can help me go thru if there are other options since neither psychiatric nor healthcare center will help me#+ she said that she and i can talk abt my anxiety regarding school etc. so in two weeks i'll see her#school starts next week. 4days a week rip... lol thats much for me. a bum. a cellar dweller. i've decided that im gnna go to all my classes#and always work while im there since its harder for me to do it at home. and i will also talk more w my teacher nd ask them for help#then im looking into an online therapy service. it miiight be possible for me to do that. but then i have to contact them and focus on only#1 or 2 issues. in my experience it just doesnt work to go to them and be like everythings bad :(( they wont help u then. i have to narrow it#down for them. nd i'll think i will talk 2 them abt my extreme feelings of loneliness and also my procrastination behavior#but yeah i have no idea if it's possibly bc idk if i can get financial aid for that service. im still in contact w the healthcare center so#i hope she will come to some sort of conclusion nd not just leave my high nd dry (she sent another referral to the persobality disorder -#clinic. even if they rejected the first one. so i'll see)#hmmm yeah. the situation w my sisters is sooooo rough. i hate it. they make me feel so so bad#and the housing situation is roughhhh. it's impossible to get an apartment lol.#so i need to find a way to shut it off and try to not let it bother me#just focus on finishing upper secondary school. nd i've been thinking abt taking out a loan for it and take german/french/spanish classes#instead of doing what im doing now when im actually poor and stressed bc they can choose to cut me off anytime#im meeting my highschool friend on tuesday. she asked if i wanted to hang out for a bit c:#im a bit anxious but like yeah.. it's nice to get out and talk to someone besides my family. which is just my mom lol#i messaged my other old highschool classmate on insta and said i saw her in my neighborhood#she replied but i had lowkeyyy hoped for more... like maybe being able to befriend her T-T but she didnt seem so interested in talking to me#which is ok ofc. it just made me a bit sad bc idk how to make friends and i thought she was rlly nice. but oh well#im rlly sad atm. maybe heartbreak prob. even more sad bc it was my stupid fault but yeah#im still grateful for all that it gave me. nd how i got to experience feelings of warmth nd love nd appreciation i didnt know i could feel#so even if im just contantly heavily sad bc i keep being like oh. i wanna ask this. say that. wonder what theyre up to. etc etc. i just have#to... be sad and just keep going forward#hope and try to not fuck everything else up. even if it feels like... what do all the other things matter when what i rlly rlly wanted got#ruined..... thats life tho. i know. im just so bad at handling life :((#i feel so broken and confused and i hate that i didnt get to be normal and healthy#im so illequipped at dealing w myself nd my emotions nd there seems to be no professional help for me
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nanaslutt · 6 months
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gojo's first time meeting you and instantly noticing your freckles. like nothing other than your freckles, not even the clothes you're wearing rn or your hair or eyes.
freckles.
and im absolutely sure geto would be so fed up with gojo ranting about how he wants to kiss every single one of them.
oh my god this is so cute???????? this reminds me of gojos cannon reaction to seeing geto for the first time and thinking “bangs” lol
contains: fem transfer student!reader, 3rd year satosugu, geto choosing to stay at jujutsu tech au, the boys are both 19 here, Geto has morals, gojo uhhhhhh, crackkk, fluff, perv!gojo, masturbation, caught masturbating, fantasizing
note: the toji fic will b posted later tonight or tmrw morn :p
MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DNI
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔
Freckles………
If you looked close enough you might be able to see the white orbs floating around Gojo’s head,
“Uhhh, sorry is there something on my face” you spoke up when he didn’t say anything after you introduced yourself.
Satoru getting jolted out of his trance when suguru landed a mean smack on the back of his head, pouting at his dark haired bestfriend.
“Sorry about him,” geto apologized on his behalf, “he can be quite oblivious to how his actions affect other people.” suguru grit behind his teeth, looking out the corner of his eye to see satoru shooting daggers at him.
“Asshole…” the white haired man mumbled under his breath, looking up from under his white lashes, gaze set back on your face, watching you rub the back of your neck, saying something to geto.
Words leaving your mouth sounding muffled as his gaze dropped to your neck, noticing that the brown spots trailed further and further down the length of your neck, even traveling under the collar of your shirt, where the cloth obstructed his view.
Lip twitching up breifly at his annoyance, wanting to see just how far the freckles really went.
“Right satoru?” Suguru laughed, both of you directing your attention to the albino, “god da-“ smacking him harder once more on the back of his head, sending him his body curling in on himself on the ground and groaning, “manners satoru jesus christ.” suguru smacks a heavy hand over his face at gojos antics.
Gojo let his head fall of the edge of sugurus bed, silky hair falling around his ears, suguru laying against the headboard, flipping through some magazine, sugurus low-fi playlist playing softly in the backround.
“God….did you see how her frek-“ Geto swiftly cutting him off by kicking his foot into his shin, “satoru i swear to god if you say one more thing about her fucking freckles i’m going to cut out your tongue.” he spat, not looking up from his magazine.
For days after your first meeting he would not shut up about how cute he found your freckles.
Learning when you wore a skimpy tank top when sparing with shoko, that the cute spots not only covered your pretty face, but your arms and hands too.
Watching the light hit your skin as your body moved swiftly, shirt lifting when you flipped and twisted yourself, seeing the freckles and moles scattered across your tummy.
Shirt barely having lifted for a couple milliseconds, but he didn’t have good eyesight for nothing. Gojo quickly memorizing the placement of the dots and engraving it in his brain.
Brain practically short circuiting when the sun was beating down on the school a little too how one day, meaning he got to see you in shorts.
short, skimpy, tight, shorts.
It was like you wanted him to look, leaning over the counter, knees perched on the stool and elbows on the counter, cradling your soft cheeks in your hands as you spoke to shoko over the table.
Twisting your hips on the swivel stool, making the fabric of your shorts raise, letting him see even more brown spots on the insides of your thighs from his place on the couch behind you.
“torruuu,” geto caught him off gaurd, whispering into the shell of his ear, “quit bein a fucking perv.” turning to look at the not so friendly looking smile plastered on the dark haired mans face. ugh. buzzkill.
Taking them back to the present, “I know I knowww, you hate beauty we get it..” gojo drawled, sticking his tongue out and rolling his eyes. Lucky the bed blocked geto’s view of gojo’s face from here, as he probably would’ve hit him.
“I just cannot stop thinking about kissing her cute little face, maybe her neck..” pausing for a second, getting too absolved in his words, “below her neck…” he whispered.
“Satoru, stop telling me about your perverted fantasies about our new classmate, please.” letting the magazine drop into his lap as he finally let himself look down at the man.
Geto quickly noticing the extremely obvious tent in his pants. “You have 2 seconds to get you and your boner off my bed or your not gonna like it.” geto growled.
Gojo let his body slide of the bed backwards headfirst into the hardwood floor. “You hate meeeee,” he dragged out his words dramatically, “You hate my happinesssss” he continued, geto closing his eyes and shook his head, feeling a headache come on at his antics.
“I hate your penis.” Geto corrected. “She has a mind of her own, it’s not my faul,” gojo defended, sprawling his limbs out on the floor.
“Did you just refer to your dick as ‘she’?” Geto asked, needing to clarify the insanity gojo was spouting, leaning over the end of his bed to get a better look at the white haired freak.
“Well yeah,” he stated like it was obvious, “cant be a ‘him’, that would be gay.”
Geto blinked at him, glancing at the ceiling to center himself before he looked back at the man on the floor. Leaning back out of view, he picked up the magazine, throwing it straight at gojos crotch. Of course now of all times when geto decided to assault him, he had his infinity on.
“Oh that would’ve hurt so bad,” gojo closed his lanky legs together, covering his crotch with his hands. “I cant believe you really went for my nads.” gojo bit his lip in offense, faux crying at getos meaness.
Geto just rolled his eyes in response, flopping back into the bed, folding his hands over his chest as he was left entertain-less.
When the two of you finally exchanged numbers, he used the opportunity to ask to take a picture together; for your profile picture of course!
Definitely not because he wanted to stare at the picture by himself for hours; pinching the screen between his fingers, zooming in and out of on the photo as he now could really map out each and every one of your freckles.
Blushing when his brain compared them to the constellations, how romantic he thought.
What happened next was… less romantic.
Phone laid out on the bed underneath him while his hand laid next to it, bracing himself as he hovered above it, other hand rapidly stroking his cock.
Staring into your eyes unabashedly, no geto around to tell him off as he engraved whatever piece of your face he wanted into his brain permanently.
Squeezing over the tip when he looked at how big his hand looked compared to your shoulder, palm resting on it in the photo.
Twitching at the mole placed perfectly on your cleavage, getting a great view of the crack between your breasts from the high angle he held the phone at. Mentally patting himself on the back for that.
He had zoomed in onto your half of the photo, not wanting to look at himself while he masturbated.
Mouth watering with the urge to press his lips against every single one of your freckles. Imagining you giggling and blushing while he tickled your face with his soft lips making him dizzy.
Gojo imagined your hand instead of his, wrapped tightly around his cock. He imagined pressing his length against your plush lips, rubbing the tip over them, feeling your tongue dart out and lick his tip.
Groaning out your name when he came, abs clenching when ropes of cum spurted out of his dick, and all over the sheets underneath him.
Grimacing when he watched some of it land on his phone screen; disgust being slightly overpowered by how erotic your pixelated face looked with his cum decorating it.
“Satoru did you take my charger again? Swear i’m gonna kill you-“ Suguru cut himself short when he slid satoru’s door open, taking in the scene in front of him.
Geto wasn’t able to fully see his phone, but he knew full well what his jerk off material was.
Satoru gave him a dopey grin, practically seeing smoke emit from atop getos head as he slammed the door shut, kicking his foot against the wood and yelling out, “cant believe i’m best friends with such a pervert!” down the hallway, voice getting quieter the further he got away from gojos room.
Satoru didn’t care though, gazing back at his phone, picking it up in his palm before using his thumb to smear the cum over your smiling lips lewdly.
He absolutely needed to get his hands on you, and he would make sure he did.
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homestylehughes · 11 days
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kiss it better
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pairing(s): jack hughes x fem!reader
summary: jack's injury takes a toll on his and y/n's relationship, when tensions come to rise. emotions get the best of them and, feelings are hurt and tears fall. but that's nothing a little kissing or more can fix.
warnings: smut 18+ (idk what happened..), lots of angst, emotional reader and jack. cussing, fluff, cuteness, use of pet names and y/n.
wc: 3k
authors note: hi my little loves!! i'm back with another jack fic... no surprise! BUT this is my second back to back upload. look at me. i wrote all of this in one day, BOOM. anyways! this one was a little emotional to write, i'm trying my hand at writing angst, i love angst. i wasn't going to write smut but HEY IT JUST HAPPENED LOL. so hopefully you guys enjoy!! reblog and like if you enjoy <3 as always much love!!
happy reading <3
The devils had a rough year, everyone knew it, with their season ending in a heartbreaking way. 
Jack had an even tougher year, his season being filled with 2 injuries that led his season to end early, so he could undergo shoulder surgery. We all knew this was coming, it was only just a matter of time.
This time it hit Jack harder than the times before, he felt like he let his team, fans, and family down. 
Resting and recovering wasn't something Jack liked to do, he’s always been a go go go person, always doing something, always on the ice. 
 Jim and Ellen went with him to Colorado for his surgery, I stayed back and waited for his arrival back to Jersey. When he arrived back from Colorado from his surgery on Saturday, everything was fine. The first few days had been pretty easy for Jack, sleeping for most of the time. Only getting up to eat, shower, with my help and take his meds. 
He had been home for a week before tensions in our home started to rise. 
I woke up to a loud noise coming from the kitchen I think, rubbing my eyes quickly. As I lifted up out of bed, I turned to Jack's side of the bed, to see that he's not there. 
Quickly slipping on my slippers I make my way down stairs, to see Jack in the kitchen trying to fix himself a bowl of cereal. As I make my way further into the kitchen I see that the milk is spilled all over the counter on the floor, with the bowl also on the floor broken into pieces. 
I hear Jack mumbling words under his breath that I can't quite make out, but I'm assuming none of them were things I wanted to hear. 
Jack spots me before I even open my mouth to speak. “Shit i'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to wake you up,” he says, looking at me. 
“ I just wanted to make myself breakfast, but I can't even do that.” His head hung low as speaks. I could hear the sadness in his voice. 
“Jack it's okay, I promise” I say, making my way towards him. “Let me clean this up, and then I'll make you something, okay?” 
“NO!” Jack says loudly, the raise of his voice catching me off guard. “No, I can clean up my own mess. I made it.” 
Taking a deep breath, trying to choose my words carefully, I can already feel the tension in the room rising. 
“At least let me help,” I said quietly, not wanting to upset him. “I don't need your help y/n.” Jack says aggressively, “you've been helping and taking care of me all week.” he says as he turns to grab a towel to clean up the spilled milk.
I stood there in shock, Jack had never talked to me like that before. Anger and sadness ripe through my body. My head is telling me to fight back, but my heart is telling me not too. 
Im hot on his heels, following behind him, “jack.'' I called out his name, his back turned to me, as he began to clean up the mess. I get no response, “Jack'' I say again but a little bit louder this time, which still doesn't get a reaction from him.
My head is beginning to win, now wanting to fight back. I go to grab the towel out of his hands, throwing it in the sink behind me. Grabbing his hip, to turn him towards me so I can look at him. 
His eyes are locked on the ground, not looking at me. “Jack.” I try again for the third time. “Talk to me, what's going on?” softly saying to him, bringing my hand to his chin to lift his face up, to look at me. 
Jack is quick to rip his face from my hand, “i don't want to talk” he says looking straight at me now. Tears of anger, sadness, frustration swimming around in his eyes. “I'm going to clean up my mess, and you’re not going to help, leave it alone.” he says sternly at me.
My eyes are beginning to fill with tears of my own, not wanting to cry in front of him, not wanting to speak and argue with him to make the situation worse. I nod at him and make my way out of the kitchen, tears falling on my face as soon as I do. 
I just wanted to help him, be there for him, he needs someone right now even if he won't say it. I know this is hard on him, mentally and physically, but that doesn't make his actions okay.
All of these thoughts are running through my head as I make my way to our shared bedroom.  Making my way to the closet, deciding to start getting ready for the day, there's no way I'll be able to sleep after this. 
Tears are still falling on my face, I want to go back down there and say something, help him, talk to him, give him a hug. Do anything that I can for him, but I know he doesnt want that right now, he made that very clear. The situation is already tense enough. 
While getting ready for the day, I decided to give Jack space today. It seems to be what he wants from me right now. The tears have stopped falling for now, but my thoughts and feelings haven't stopped wandering.
I hear Jack enter our room, as I finish up my makeup, my body instantly tenising up, taking a deep breath I make my way out the bathroom. Grabbing my jacket, my back turned to him, there's so many things I want to say to him but I keep them to myself. 
I can feel Jack making his way closer to me, his front facing my back, his hand sliding on my waist. 
“Baby” he quietly says, the sound of his voice making me nervous. Taking a deep breath, I turn to face him, my eyes beginning to water again. Our eyes locked, I can tell he's been crying. I want to reach out to him, but i don't, scared of his reaction. 
Jack's hand is still on my waist, pulling me slightly closer to him. I'm the first to speak, I can't handle the silence anymore. “I'm going to run a few errands, I'll be back in a few hours. Text me if I need anything "I say softly, looking at the ground.
“I want to talk” Jack speaks again, I internally scoff at him, so now you want to talk. 
“I don't want to talk to you right now jack.” I say, making my way towards the bedroom door. Jack followed behind me, “that's a little childish don't you think? walking away, when i'm trying to talk to you” he says a little louder this time.
Anger is flowing through my veins, hot angry sad tears are now falling down my cheeks. “You don't get to speak to me like that.'' I say a wip my body around to face him. “You don't get to decide when we talk, or when I want to talk to you! '' I say with a voice full of venom. “You didn't want to talk 45 minutes ago, when I tried to talk to you. So yes jack, I am walking away. I have things to do. I don't want to be around someone who treats me like shit when I’m trying to be there for them” 
My voice is losing its battle of being strong, my emotions are winning, as my voice begins to trail off. I'm not stopping there, quick to cut off jack as he opens his mouth. 
“Actually, we are going to talk now.” I say, throwing my jacket on the ground. “I am trying my best to be the best I can for you right now. As much as you won't admit it, you need me right now, you're so stubborn that you won't let me. Let me be there for you, let me help you, we are in this together, stop acting like you are doing this alone.” 
“I know this is hard on you in so many ways, I'll never know what you're going through, but let me be there, talk to me. This isn't easy on me either, seeing the person you love the most in pain and you can't help them.” I'm beginning to sob at this point, trying my best to get everything out that I want to say. I'm not sure if I'll have the strength to do it again. 
Taking a few steps, to stand in front of Jack, grabbing his face in my hands, tears also streaming on his face. He leans into my touch this time, instead of pulling away. 
“I love you so much, don't push me away, please.'' I say staring in his eyes, looking for a response. Instead of words, Jack pushes his lips to mine, the kiss surprising me, knocking me off my feet almost. My hands never leave his cheeks, our mouths moving in sync, in a passionate kiss. 
Jack pulled away first, lips swollen, our chests both rising. “I'm so sorry” Jack begins “ I'm so grateful for your help and love during all of this” “this” he gestures to his shoulder which is sitting strapped up in a brace. “This is dragging me down. I hate it. I can't do anything for myself, i feel so bad when i ask for help im scared that I'm annoying you.” he says, “you'll never annoy me, Jack.'' I say while running my finger under his eyes, wiping away the tears. 
“Thank you for being here for me. I do need you, I'll always need you.” he finishes, before I have the chance to speak, jack is reconnecting our lips.
 Walking us back towards the bed, where he sits on the edge, his free arm urging me to sit on his lap. I pull away quickly, “ Jack, I can't. I don't want to hurt you” 
“You wont hurt me baby, what's hurting me is you not being on my lap, kissing me. Now get up here” he says with a smirk, pulling my body down to rest on top of his. 
Once I'm settled safely on his lap, Jack immdentially pulls my face down, to reconnect our lips together. 
Our makeout session is picking up, our hips grinding together, lips moving frantically together, jacks tongue slipping into my mouth, clashing with mine.
We haven't been this close in awhile, I've missed his body, his lips on mine. With another roll of my hips, Jack pulls his lips back groaning, throwing his head back.
Giving me the perfect access to his brace free shoulder, kissing and sucking on exposed skin of his neck. His grip on my waist tightening as our bodies move together. 
“Baby, I need more. Please.” Jack whines out to me, “I need to see you, I want to feel you, please, please” 
I pull back from his neck, his eyes filled with desperation. “Are you sure? I don't think we should, your shoulder, I don't want to hurt you jack.” I can see his heartache when I say those words to him. 
“Baby, I'm okay. I need you so badly, fuck” he says breathlessly as he beings to move our hips together again. I moan, as Jack connects our lips again, his hand sliding under my shirt, urging me to pull it off. In a quick motion I pull it above my head, leaving me in my bra. 
“Off. off. I want it off baby '' Jack says pulling at the straps of my bra. I reach behind me to unclip it, throwing it somewhere behind me. 
Jack is quick to grasp one of my nipples into his mouth, sucking and lightly biting it, the sensation causing me to moan out from above him. “Fuck Jack, yes fuck.” our hips moving at a quicker space, the dampness between my legs growing by the second, I can feel Jacks bulge swell benenth me. 
“Jack.” I moan out as he sucks and licks both of my breasts. “Jack i need more fuck, but i dont want to hurt you.'' I whimper. “I know baby I can feel it” he says in between the kisses his trailing up my neck. An idea pops into my head as his lips are about to meet mine again, I pull away. “move and sit up against the headboard.” I say to him, Jack's eyes widen in surprise. 
I get off of him, and he quickly makes his way to the top of the bed, his back resting against the headboard.
I began to unzip my jeans, pulling them down my legs along with my underwear, leaving me completely bare in front of him. I began to crawl to Jack on the bed. I reached him, grabbing the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling them down his legs, leaving him bare. 
I take in his state, eyes swimming with lust and love, pupils blown, chest falling, lips swollen. He looks beautiful, brace and all.
Wasting no more time, I sit myself back down on his lap, his cock resting warm and hard against my inner thigh. “Hi” I said to him, “Is that what you wanted? Want me to kiss everything better?” I say, grabbing the base of his cock, lifting up so I can align myself with him.
Without warning I sink down on Jack's cock, the both of us groaning at the same time. I'll never get used to the way Jack feels inside me, the burn between my thighs feels dealicious, I want more. I need more. 
“Fuck baby.” Jack whines out, his free hand grabbing my waist harshly. “I need you to move please.” “like this?” I say as I raise up slightly and slide back down on his cock.
“Yes, like that baby, fuck. More. More.” Jack says as he's looking up at me, so desperate and needy. 
I decide I'll stop tourchoring the both of us, as I lift off of him completely and sink down again. The action causing me to throw my head back in pleasure. “Fuck jack you feel so good” i say as I begin to ride at him at a slow pace. 
“Faster, fuck” jack groans from below me, getting tired of the pace he begins to thrust his hips to mine. 
“Right there jack please”. The angle of this thrusts hits my clit perfectly, causing shock waves to crash through my body. I can feel myself beginning to get tired, needing something to grab on too. 
Grabbing the headboard behind Jack, I lift myself off of him, and sink back down, putting all of my weight into the headboard, to create more leverage. 
The new movement causes my whole body to shutter. glancing below me, Jack's head is leaning back against the headboard, eyes closed, mouth open moaning below me.
As if he can feel me looking at him, he opens his eyes, pushes himself off the head board and takes my left nipple into his mouth, his eyes remain on mine. 
I began to speed up my movements, causing the whole bed to move below us. 
“Fuck right there baby.” Jack moans out to me, his hand moving from my waist to the back of my neck pulling it down to connect our lips. 
Moans spilling out between the both of us, I can feel the coil starting to build in my stomach, as our hips meet. 
“Jack fuck” i moan out i a throw my head back, now resting my hands on his hips. 
“I can feel you clintching around fuck baby.” “im almost there fuck” slamming myself harder down on his cock. 
Jack trailing his hand down the front of my body, stopping where we’re connected, his fingers finding my clit instantly, pinching and rubbing it between his fingers. 
“Oh my god, fuck” I drop my head to jacks neck, still working myself against him.
“Don't stop, don't stop.” I yell out to him, I can feel my legs beginning to shake
“Baby I'm about to cum.” Jack lifts his hand from my clit, forcely grabbing the back of my head, smashing our lips together, teeth and tongues clashing. 
One last snap of our hips, and I'm cumming. My head dropping to Jack's shoulder, incoherent things are falling from both our lips as we chase our highs together.
After a few seconds I gained enough strength to pull myself up. I can feel Jack's hand rubbing up and down my back. 
I sit back enough to fully look at him. Our chests falling quickly, trying to catch our breaths.  “That was the hottest thing I've ever seen.'' Jack says to me, his hand moving to push hair out of my face. “Did so good for me baby” I smile at him, before I'm quickly pulled back into reality when I remember his shoulder.
“Jack. your shoulder” i say frantically, “are you hurt? I knew we should have done this. Oh god "I say as I'm trying to push myself off of him quickly. 
“Hey hey, baby I'm fine.” Jack says as he grabs a hold of my face, his eyes locked with mine. “Hell, I'm more than fine. I'm great, all because of you” he smiles fully at me. 
My nerves settle a little, as I look over at him to make sure he's actually okay. Jack laughs at my concern as his face follows my movements. “Baby i promise i'm okay” he chuckles out to me again.
“Okay sorry, for caring about you.” I sigh dramatically out to him. “Hey now, none of that” he says, pulling my face closer to his again. 
“Come kiss me better.” he whispers out before connecting our lips. 
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belokhvostikova · 11 months
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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤: 𝐂𝐥𝐮𝐛 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬
𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 | After finding out about their exclusion from the school yearbook, Hellfire—Eddie Munson—isn't keen in letting his feelings fall for your attempt to fixing said issue.
𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | Swearing, yelling, crying, and mentions of bullying.
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞 | Don’t know why, but I have an obsession with referring to Eddie by his full name, lol. If there are any necessary warnings that were accidently left out, please feel free to let me know!
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 | One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.
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𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐈. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞
By the coming of the fall season of 1982, the Hellfire Club had garnered the stigma of satanic cultists that tainted the lives of those associated. 
What started as a throng—four losers—of curious minds, on an endeavor to escaping the suffocating suburbia of Hawkins, Indiana, transpired into a league of camaraderie, fighting the hellscape of dark wizards and evil lords. Perfect comb-overs and pristine pom-poms who lived on the green laws that housed Reagan signs couldn’t touch them under the guise of their characters who built their strength and thick skin to defeat the wicked of suffering towns and cities through quests. Those four were invincible in the threshold of the drama room.
But in the real world, they had a target on their backs that merely grew as the years passed. 
And Eddie Munson was victim number one, placed at the forefront of all propelled abuse. 
But the beauty of Hellfire allowed the proffering of solutions, in which he quickly found solace within. See, the notion of characters, and qualities, and disguises permitted the perfect opportunity to build a facade unlike one’s truest self, that protected the vulnerable inside. 
The terrors of childhood abuse, loss of loved ones, and the torment of classmates couldn’t be seen on the sneering smirk and scowling eyes that accompanied Eddie Munson everywhere he went. The act of toughness was not a thing to be found difficult; he saw it in its worst quality within the bruteness of his father, and he saw it in its best quality within the perseverance of his uncle. 
Eddie Munson had no issue opening his arms to those who were caught in the pressuring seas of conformity, and he surely had no issue abusing back those who started it first, with a insult or shove being met with his harder kick and punch.
See, both aspects of toughness.
And while the idea may have protected him from the superficial blows of a socially divided high school, it actually hurt the potential improvements to his well being, suppressing all that left him weak and vulnerable, and choosing the outlet of a drink or substance that disabled his mind from the thoughts of reality. 
But Eddie Munson couldn’t care about himself, no ever did anyways. 
Until you. And he hurt you. 
“This is bullshit! Complete and utter fucking bullshit!” If it hadn’t been for the cacophonous shrills of the school cafeteria, surely Eddie Munson would have garnered the usual attention from his antics. But instead, everyone’s attention was captured by the occurrence that was happening on the southern end of the crowded room. “I mean, really, what the fuck is this?!” His broad hand flung a pretzel out of frustration, not bothering to acknowledge the innocent bystander that got caught in the crossfire of his heated action. 
To say Eddie Munson was pissed would be the understatement of the century. 
The gnawing agitation that seemed to innately follow him wherever, had now been triggered by the bright smiles of individual students, paraded in their best attire, with glee of acknowledgement. Today was club picture day, and Hellfire was not included. As the lunch period progressed to its ticking last minutes, students of all age ranges savored the remaining bits of their glorious thirty minute break from school hell, but not Eddie. Nope. Because for every minute of those thirty minutes, Eddie watched as clubs, one by one, walked the notorious stage where all Hawkins High’s productions had been showcased, and sat with cheesy smiles at the notion of being a valued representative for their school’s yearbook.
But not Hellfire.
The heavy, black curtains provided the cleanest backdrop for its low budgeted cost, giving ample focus to the students, who sat with the straightest of all postures, amongst the perfect array of chairs—the good ones, too, not the ones that make your butt go numb after twenty minutes. Row by row, everyone had a place, even being complimented by the two large, fake plants that added a splash of color with their faux green leaves. 
Gareth sighed. “It really is, man.” He turned back from watching the drama club get their picture taken, returning to pick at the cold spaghetti that stained his plastic tray. Everyone got photos, Hellfire got stale food. “But what do you expect, dude? This school already treats us like garbage, as it is.”
“We shouldn't tolerate this treatment, Emerson!” Eddie snapped, slapping Gareth’s hand that was causing the insistent scratch of his fork scraping his plate. The boy could only scoff in defeat at his ruined lunch, now that his plasticware landed on the dirty tiles of the lunchroom. 
Eddie was becoming revved up. He groaned in irritation, feeling the need to slam his palm into the table, eliciting the flinches of each boy.
“Look, well, there’s nothing we can do.” Mike, at an attempt, reasoned with Eddie. But he merely got a seething glare that asked him who does he think he’s talking to. 
“Oh, no?” Eddie snuffed with a mocking face. None of the boys were daring to challenge his eye contact. None of them ever did when he got like this. His worst days. “You boys gotta learn to take what you deserve.” He spoke too calmly for anyone’s liking. “It’s the only way people like us make it through life.”
Eddie jumped from his chair, the force too heavy for the flimsy thing, as it scraped the tile flooring before clashing with the ground beneath. All eyes were on him. Puffing the laps of his jacket, he strutted his way to the stage, all leather and chains, bumping shoulders with those who stood in his way. Done diligently, his worn sneakers stomped the couple steps, announcing his arrival. Those in the drama club were quick to move out of the way, refusing to become belittled for their judgemental stares against the Freak. But they were disregarded. Closest to Eddie Munson sat Nancy Wheeler, co-editor of the 1986 Hawkins High Yearbook. She rolled her eyes, fidgeting with her precious pen that had been used to check-off every name of every member of every club to ensure publication was precise and correct.
“Wheeler.” Eddie taunted, coming close to her table, tightly-balled fists supporting his weight as he leaned close to her face. “Funny,” he peered at his watch, “lunch is almost over and you have yet to call us up.”
There was no need to clarify “us.” Everyone knew—for worst reasons—who they were.
Nancy huffed, professionalism embedded in her character as she responded with such cadence, “That’s because you’re not on the list, Eddie.” And it was such professionalism of cadence that ticked him off. As she held up the roster of all clubs and members, contaminated with the ink of her pen, scratching titles off, Eddie snatched the paper from her hold, Nancy wincing at his aggression. 
“The Art Club, the Aviations Club, the Math Club,” He read off, “the fucking ROTC shitbags!” He slapped the paper down with a harsh slam. “Some fucking wannabe soldiers, who aren’t even a fucking club here, can get their fucking picture taken, but not Hellfire?!”
Nancy was attempting to control her emotions from the ambush of his angry words, his spit coating her delicate makeup with every yell of his tirade. “Look, Eddie, that’s the list Principal Higgins gave us.” She pointed between herself and you. 
Shit, she pointed to you. 
You, who’d been quietly watching this shitshow go down, standing near the edge of the stage, with a camera held tightly in your sweaty palms. While his outburst had you racking with worry, it also elicited a wave of sympathy due to their obvious exclusion, clear as day as to why Principal Higgin’s didn’t want their association with Hawkins High. It was fucking awful. 
But Eddie Munson didn’t see you. He saw you.
You, as in the fake smile that accompanied your obnoxious cheers, where’d you hangout with your bitchy friends, mingling amongst Jason Carver’s goons, before heading back to school the next day where you ran the student body government, finding yourself involved in all school activities, making the Principal's List and Honor Roll every year, and was about to be crowned prom queen by May and valedictorian by June.
And now, partnering with the Newspaper Committee to create ‘86’s yearbook.
Though he may not have known you, Eddie Munson fucking hated you. 
He followed Nancy Wheeler’s pointed finger, now aiming his degrading scowl that shot bullets at you, and you peered down from the intimidating stare. “Oh, I see!” His terrorizing laugh stifled the already straining atmosphere. “Fucking, little Miss Pom-poms jerked Higgin’s cock to make sure we weren’t included. Isn’t that right, princess?” His sneering smile showed just how amusing he found your evident discomfort to be, as he marched his way towards you, the tip of his toes scuffing your pristine sneakers. “Tell me, sweetheart, was Carver there, too? Huh?” 
“N-no, w-we didn’t do, uh-”
“Uh, uh, uh.” Eddie mocked. You could feel his large eyes scan your face, taking in all your features, and seeing your chest heave from the confrontation. “Bunch of fucking pussy, all of you, huh?” He glared, refusing to break from you luring eyes.
Saved by the bell, the obnoxious ringing gave you an out, and Eddie was quick to jog back to Nancy, who was beginning to pack up her station. For a second, his daunting demeanor relinquished, and his eyes softened with panic. “This isn’t fair, Wheeler, and you know it. C’mon.” He pleaded. “We’re as much of a club as any other bullshit clique here.” Eddie tried to reason, as Nancy sighed, trying to quickly gather her things.
Despite his hostile behavior, there was merit to his concerns. Hellfire was a club, and though Eddie Munson was the biggest asshole you’ve ever met, you understood his petition. Everyone knew why they weren’t included. They were never included. 
“Your own brother is in the club.” Nancy stopped in her tracks and looked at Eddie. “Look, I’m sorry, Eddie, really, I am. But if you have a problem, take it up with Higgin’s not-”
“Maybe we can just take their picture.” You felt stupid for interrupting, hearing your voice waver under their snapping, stern stares—one more of anger than the other. “Um, Higgins already approved of our, uh, layout, so he may not even see the final draft until it’s already been printed.”
“And then what, we get in trouble? Not happening.” Nancy affirmed, more comfortable with disregarding Hellfire than staining her clean track record. 
Eddie scoffed. “Fucking screw this!” He stood straight, adjusting his posture. Any shot at his ego and feelings went unnoticed, as he returned to his callous attitude. There was a moment in which he simply stared you down; all that was clouding his judgment was your refined Hawkins High cheerleading sweater. Your well known name printed at the forefront—cursively embroidered in velvet gold—encasing the pinnacle of all things Eddie Munson hated. As Nancy Wheeler left you be, Eddie trudged his way against you again, hot breath fanning across your smaller stature. “I don’t need your fucking bullshit pity. You understand?” He gritted with clenched teeth.
 And he merely left it at that, nudging passed you, as he joined the stagger of students who were fleeting out of the cafeteria. 
And you stood in disbelief. 
-
You were crazy. You were out-of-your-fucking-mind crazy.
It was late into the night, and you were ready to break school rules for something so trivial, but seemed so desperately important to others.
You groaned in the palms of your hands, as you stood outside of the newspaper room, stolen key in hand. Why were you even doing this? Eddie Munson was an asshole to you. He didn’t like you. But this wasn’t for him. No, this was for the other members. Yeah, the other members, like Nancy’s brother, Mike Wheeler, or Lucas Sinclair, you sweetest kid you’d ever met on the basketball team, who were both totally innocent in all. Jesus shit.
“Hey!” Chrissy waved out to you, as you watched her flood out of the gym doors with the rest of the squad from practice. Clearly, your plans of leaving early to avoid them fell through. “What are you doing, I thought you left already? You coming?”
“Yeah, no, I just need to check over some things for the yearbook.” You lied, with your infamous fake smile. “Don’t know how long it’ll take, so I’ll just have my dad come pick me up.”
“Make sure my picture is front and center!” Jessica joked, as the girls laughed, and waved you goodbye.
As soon as they left, your head dropped back in your clammy palms. In all honesty, leaving would probably be a better choice, right now; you could drop your heavy cheer bag, get out of your sweaty shorts, have a nice bath, and dine out on some food. But instead, for whatever reason you tried to excuse in your brain, you’re here. Probably getting ready for whatever shit Eddie Munson was going to shout in your face when you appeared. 
But fuck it.
-
“The weathered wood creeks beneath your feet as you confront the abandoned foundations of Barlok’s Tavern.” An unnerving sense consumed the boys, as Eddie’s bravado narrations subjected their quest through the ominous grounds of Havocs Beacon. “The merchant of Dunbar Armory has promised this place to be of pure seclusiveness, unknown to even the commoners who dwell the treacherous forest.” All attention was sucked, this was the escape. The escape from the conformity that abused the boys. And Eddie Munson was their protector. “The fate of decision lies in your hands, boys. Do you enter or run?”
They peered at one another, unsure of their next move. “Remember, there is no shame in running.” Eddie’s malicious smile worried them.
But before a consensus could be determined, a soft knock spooked the boys, Dustin’s shriek being most evident. Eddie’s eyes shot at the door, narrowing with his brows furrowing. Everyone went quiet. Too quiet. Maybe they misheard. But sure enough, a delicate knock came again.
Eddie trajected from his throne. “One of you expecting someone? On Hellfire night?!”
His agitated voice was quick to receive a series of stern no’s and insistent head shakes that saved the boys from an invective of shouts for interrupting Hellfire. But for whoever was behind that door? Yeah, they were about to be hit with a diatribe of yells. 
Eddie’s breath heaved with irritation as he stomped his way to the large door, swinging it open with a heavy, “What-” But he was quick to shut up. 
You timidly dropped your balled fist from the air, and held eye contact with Eddie. His gaze was intimidating, but unlike the earlier occurrence in the lunchroom, it was weirdly softer. His eyes widened at the tired state in which you appeared; sweaty hair messily splaying your head, face heated from clear exertion, your lip plumped raw from your nervous chewing, and then he looked down. Unabashedly, too. You watched his eyes peer at your glistening chest that was displayed from your low cut long sleeve, then found his attention primarily focusing on your tight spandex shorts that hugged your hips and exposed your legs. 
“Um.”
His eyes shot back to yours, but you lost the ability to formulate words, both of you staring silently at one another.
“Uh, Eddie?” Jeff’s voice snapped him back to reality, as he turned back to see his buddies—all terribly confused—watching his blanking face obviously check you out.
His vulnerability was showing. And just like a switch, Eddie turned back to you, “What the fuck are you doing?!” You cowered at his sudden yelling. “We’re in the middle of a fucking campaign!” 
“I-I’m sorry.” You stuttered from embarrassment, as you saw his friends watch and wince at you. “I-I just needed to, uh, take your photo. F-for the yearbook.”
“What?” He scoldingly questioned you. 
“Your picture, um, Hellfire’s picture.” You pointed to his shirt. 
Before Eddie could get another word out, Gareth, who you only recognized as a random friend of Eddie's, did, “We’re getting our picture taken?” A small smile appeared on his face at the idea of inclusion.
“Wait, seriously?” A young, curly-haired boy spoke up.
There was a glimmer of hope oozing from their expressions, one that they didn’t get to experience often or lavish in, just at the mere idea of getting their picture taken, because it was a big deal, and seeing their excitement was enough to take Eddie’s hatred with honor to grant them their wish.
So you nodded your head. “Yeah, I’m here to take your picture.” You smiled, waving the stolen camera to prove so.
“Is this some fucking joke to you?!” And just like that, your smile was gone. “Don’t mess with their feelings for some sick joke!”
“N-no, this isn-”
“This is just a prank?” Eddie’s friends’ sullen voices simultaneously asked. 
“No!” You were quick to assure. “I promise, it’s not. I would never.” You ignored Eddie’s scoff. 
“Then why didn’t we get called up during lunch?” Mike, who Nancy Wheeler informed you about, asked. 
“That was totally on me. After lunch,” you nodded towards Eddie, “I asked Higgin’s why you weren’t included, and he was just as confused.” You lied. You never visited Higgins. It was obvious why he didn’t want to include them. “And, well, apparently it was just some fluke with the system, and you guys were included! All of you, uh, Eddie Munson, Mike Wheeler, Lucas Sinclair… and t-the rest of you.”Lucas gave you a shy wave, which you softly returned, as he’d always shared his sense of not fitting in just yet with the basketball team. You were there to reassure he was okay and welcomed—and right now, thanking god that you knew him and Mike’s name to confirm your lie. “It was all on the revised list, and I should have checked the first one better. Totally my fault.”
Eddie stared at you warily. 
“So, uh, come on!” You smiled, and the guys were quick to flood out of the drama room. 
“Wait! W-We’re in the middle of a campaign!” Eddie warned. “We’re not fucking stopping for some dumb photo! I mean, c’mon, guys.”
Everyone stopped.
The younger faces of the group fell, as they contemplated going back or following you. Jeff sighed, walking up to his longtime friend with pleading eyes. “Come on, man. Just let us have this.” He whispered. 
Eddie groaned, taking in the faces of the younger crowd, and nodded regardless, “Fine.” And a cheer of the younger boys echoed through the empty halls. “I’m bringing our logo! Wait- can I bring our logo?” Dustin—the young, curly-haired boy—asked.
“Uh, yeah, by all means, go ahead.” Logo? With a gummy smile, he ran back into the drama room, shortly returning with the round shield that mimicked the drawing on their shirts, encapsulating all that was the beauty of Hellfire. 
Lucas smiled up at you, “So where are we going?”
“Oh, well, I didn’t have time to set up the fancy stage, so…” you thought quickly, “…against the wall in the main hall should be fine. Is that alright?” You grinned back. “We can just hang your logo up, though you guys will definitely stand out from the formality of the other photos.”
“Good.” Eddie mumbled. “Wouldn’t want to conform to this bullshit school, anyways.” He sneered, bumping into you with no apology. 
Ignoring his hostility, you cleared your throat and directed the group of boys into the main hall, clear of all lockers, and decorated with plaques and awards honored to the Hawkins High establishment throughout the decades of operation. Catching sight of the familiar photo of Principal Higgins—one that had been countlessly vandalized by yours truly, Eddie Munson—you made the rash decision to dismantle it from the rusty nail that was drilled in six years ago when he first became principal. “Okay, hand me your precious shield.” You smiled at Dustin.
“Handle her with great honor, your majesty.” He unleashed his greatest—not so great—British accent with a bow to his knee. 
You giggled, joining his playful antics, “Wouldn’t think to do any less, kind soldier.”
Eddie studied your interaction. His lips were fighting to flash a tiny smile, but his ego was stronger, choosing to focus on his sneaker scuffing the floor rather than you. 
You, who was breaking every belief in the Munson Doctrine about prissy cheerleaders who hung off the arms of meathead jocks, and who was actively making his group of bullied outsiders feel included with your kindness; such kindness that Eddie was adamant he could not fall for. No matter how nice, how pretty, or enticing you were, all he saw was you. 
You stepped back from hanging up their logo. “Okay, how’s that?” You asked the boys. After Dustin’s insistent need of a little to the left and just a bit to the right, it was perfect. “Alrighty, you guys line up there, and we can take a couple.” You smiled.
Every member was quick to find their designated spot against the wall, Eddie though, he slowly walked up beside you, as his friends got ready. He sighed, as he looked down at your warm face, “Are you actually putting us in the yearbook?” For a moment, you wanted to savor the little moment of bliss, in which Eddie Munson wasn’t throwing an insult or condescending comment towards you, but his genuine concern about your sincerity had your heart aching at his unmistakable plea to wanting to be included, also. 
You softly spoke with a gentle nod to your head, “Yeah, of course.” You smiled at him. “Right where you guys deserve to be.” But his deep stare into your eyes had you pulling back from the moment that was happening, “J-just like Higgins said to do.” You were quick to add. 
 His heart could only manage a tight-lip nod back. “Right. Higgins.” He eyed you before joining his friends. 
You took a deep breath. “Okay, guys-”
“Wait, you don’t expect us to, like, stand up straight or whatever?” Mike interjected. 
“No, no,” you laughed, “be yourself, do whatever you’d like and just be comfortable.” You smiled, holding Eddie’s eye contact for a second longer than the others. “Okay, big smiles!”
Lining the camera to focus on the seven boys, you peered through the lens to see their uniquely catered pose establishing themselves through their individual personalities. Thumbs up, leaning postures, hands on hips, and beaming smiles, you snapped the photo with a large flash. You peered away from the camera and titled your head at Eddie. “What about big smiles did you not understand?” Your lips twinkled with delight of teasing. “You, too, Wheeler.” You giggled.
“Trust me, I look best without smiling.” Mike was able to rationalize.
You playfully rolled your eyes, “Okay, and your excuse?” You smiled at Eddie, who was undoubtedly using all his willpower to bite back a grin. 
“I don’t smile.” His stern voice was no match for his wavering smirk.
“Why not, it’s so beautiful?” You giggled, as his cheeks flushed with redness, apparent that he was not expecting such a compliment. “Come on, for me!”
His smile started appearing at you, though his friends were quick to ruin the moment. “Oh, you are so beautiful, Eddie.” Jeff mocked with a girly voice.
“Just wanna kiss you.” Dustin was quick to add kissy faces.
“Fuck off, both of you.” He shoved them, though his laugh was evident along with his smile, and were happy with such accomplishment.
Because you weren’t lying, Eddie Munson had a beautiful smile.
“Alright, alright, alright.” You laughed. “No more teasing. I want big, beautiful smiles—with the exception of Mike—so I can get the most perfect photo.” 
The boys shook out any giddiness, and were quick to, once again, get into their own poses. Eddie, for once, showing you his crookedly perfect smirk as he leaned into his friends comfortably. Instructing them to get ready, you realigned the camera and focused on their beings, capturing the fun that was occurring at Hawkins High’s center hall at 8:59 p.m.
“How lovely.” You smiled at them, as they cheered and excitedly congratulated each other for actually being in the yearbook. 
As you watched the utter glee consume their face, you caught eyes with Eddie. He flashed you a small grin, one that lingered longer than he was anticipating, but how could he not? No one had ever thought to include them, and here you were doing just that, tugging on the string of his heart because you cared. You actually fucking cared.
“Okay, um,” you caught their attention, “sorry for interrupting your game, you’re free to go back. I’ll be sure to have these quickly developed for the yearbook.” You smiled.
You were quick to get a multitude of thank you’s from the boys, though it was then when Eddie suddenly fell uncharacteristically quiet. He cleared his throat, snapping back to reality, and once again, his apathetic face was nimble to mask his genuine smile that was once shining on his face. As the boys started flooding back into the drama room, you turned to catch his staring at you, though when you went to flash him a smile with a small wave, you were only met with cold eyes that stared your figure down. The same eyes that degraded you nine hours earlier at lunch. The eyes that you thought you managed to break through after today. 
Speed walking away from his glare, you fumbled into the newspaper room, returning the stolen camera. You took a minute to adjust yourself, still stuck in your sweaty practice clothes, that only seemed tighter after Eddie’s scowl. But maybe you were just reading too far into it. He had been smiling at you before, maybe he was simply slipping back into his character to resume his campaign. 
Placing the camera back—Nancy was going to have one out with you when she found out—you locked up, closing the heavy door quietly behind you. It was once you did so, a heavy hand prevented you from walking away. Turning you around, you were, once again, faced with Eddie’s daunting demeanor as he stood over you. 
It seemed like a common occurrence now, that every time you came face-to-face with him, his unnerving eyes were always studying your face, from your eyes to your lips. “H-hi.” You gently spoke, breaking his trance from his detailed staring.
He cleared his throat, “I know Higgins didn’t tell you to do that.”
He wasn’t wrong, and it wasn’t like you exactly sold your lie too well. “Uh, yeah, b-but you guys still deserve to be included, and well, I’ll just take the fault if Higgin’s does find out. But I can assure you he won’t, so you’ll still be in there, I promise.”
Your reassuring voice that was laced with nervousness made him drag his hands across his face in frustration. It made all what he was about to do that more difficult. “Look, what you did back there…” He huffed. For a second, you thought that he may actually thank you and apologize for his previous actions towards you. But that’s not reality. “Don’t ever fucking do that again.” The way your face dropped had him slowing the lump in his throat knowing that he caused it. 
“W-what?” Your eyes became round with confusion, and Eddie screwed his eyes shut to refrain from looking into them and being swept away. “B-but I thought-”
“No, no, stop.” He cut off your quivering voice that was sinking his stomach into a deep pit. “I, uh, I told you before that I don’t need your pity. We don’t need your pity.” He casted his face down, unable to face your disheartened look.
“No, Eddie, I promise, this wasn’t out of pity.” You were swift to defend. “I did it because you guys deserve to be in the yearbook, just like you said. I swear-”
“You’re gonna get their hopes up!” His. His hopes up. You flinched at his booming voice, attempting to find the strength to control the stinging in your eyes. “Some gorgeous, popular cheerleader being nice to them, leading them to believe all’s good, they won’t get hurt, only to come back and find you and your friends tormenting them as if today never happened!” 
“No, I wouldn’t! I never even have! I’ll tell my friends to back off, Jason and Andy, I’ll tell everyone to stop, I promise. I didn’t do this to be some savior, you were just right earlier, and it wasn’t fair to exclude you guys.”
“Stop, just stop!” He couldn’t trust your words, though every fiber in his body was yearning to, but he just couldn’t subject himself to do so. His hands pulled on the roots of his hair. He wasn’t going to fall for you, in no alternate reality did Eddie Munson falling for a perfect cheerleader ever work out in his favor. He was an asshole before, and he’ll be an asshole right now, because that’s what kept him safe. “Just stay away from me- I, uh, my friends! Just stay away from my friends.” He choked with a shaky sigh, watching as you were fast to wipe away a running tear while looking away. Fuck.
He sighed, chest heaving with emotions he didn’t want to come out. “Just stay away.”
Eddie Munson was choosing to run.
Before he could crack from your glassy, round eyes, he marched back into the drama room with a heavy slam to the door, leaving you there.
Alone and crying.
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yanderecrazysie · 3 months
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Twisted Zoo: Chapter Three
This is based on the stories of a keeper reader with the octotrio by @ashensgrotto and @merakiui .
Also @twistedcece @cenatour @ursinaw @xiaopleasecomehome @bearshideout @koebishrimpuwu@v-sh @help-whatdoimakemyusername @secret-potion @magmdnv @sunshine-for-serotonin @mel-star636 @silkkorchid @thatpersonuouknow @the-ace-reader @pamv11 and @thisisafish123 wanted to be tagged! Let me know if anyone else wants to be tagged for future chapters. If you no longer want to be tagged, please tell me! (Some of the tags may not have worked, I'm sorry if so.)
Summary: You’re a brand new zookeeper at The Halfling Zoo- a place where half-animals live in captivity. Your job is simple- feed them and study them. Your main worry is that one of the more dangerous halflings might kill you. 
Unfortunately, that may become the least of your worries.
WARNINGS: none for now
Previous Chapter: Chapter Two
Next Chapter: Chapter Four
Note: All characters are aged up, since there will be mature themes in future parts.
Also, I can’t promise I’ll finish this. I suck at finishing stories.
Note 2: I worry that maybe these birds don’t fit their counterparts well, since no one correctly guessed them all ;-; I made Riddle a flamingo only because of the Queen of Hearts’ flamingos, and I thought he’d like to be one, if he had to choose LOL
Note 3: You have probably already guessed that the heart system means how quickly they’re becoming yandere. Please keep in mind some with gain hearts faster or slower than the others.
—----------------------------------
Today would be a more relaxed day, as you only had one exhibit to visit. The birds were all separated by wire fences, but they were all part of one big aviary. Tomorrow, you’d be working with the three remaining exhibits all at once, so you were glad to have this day of respite.
The bird keeper was a kind older lady. She gave you a bunch of salads, with notes as to which one belonged to which bird. The salads with shrimp were obviously for the flamingos, but the other salads were a bit harder to remember.
You walked into the aviary, a large plastic container with the separate salads under your arm. The birds were all wide awake, with the exception of the owl, whose green hair was just barely visible from where he had covered his head with one of his wings to sleep.
“Hey! I want to eat first!” A voice cried out to you, “Hey, lady with the food, over here!”
You were surprised to hear such fluent English from a halfling, but when you turned your head to the source of the calls, you immediately understood.
Parrot halflings caught onto human languages quickly. That didn’t necessarily make them smarter than other halflings, it was simply something they were naturally good at. This parrot halfling had mostly-orange wings to match his hair, although the tips of his wings tapered off to yellow and then a vibrant blue. 
The parrot gazed at you curiously for a moment, before his expression became more mischievous, “Guten morgen? Ohayo? Buen día? Zǎoshang hǎo? Dobroye utro?”
“Good morning to you too, show off,” you laughed, walking up to him, “I assume you’re the salad with sunflower seeds?”
He grinned, “That’s me! I’m starving!”
You felt like you were talking with a human, and that fact made you feel a little sick inside. Should an animal with the ability to converse so normally really be confined to a wire cage?
You rummaged through the plastic container, looking for the salad with seeds. The parrot halfling spread his beautiful wings and flew onto a perch closer to you, his talons curling around the wood as he impatiently waited for his meal.
Finally, you found the correct salad and handed it over to him. His eyes lit up and he snatched it from you.
“Thanks!” He said with a grin. Before you could ask him his name, he spread his wings and flew into an enormous birdhouse to eat there. A little disappointed that you couldn’t have a conversation with him, you turned to the raven in the cage next to him.
“Hello! I brought you a salad!” You called out to the raven halfling. He walked over to the edge of the exhibit and tilted his head, looking you over curiously. 
You found his salad fairly quickly, as it was accented with bright red apple slices. The raven drew closer and you admired how his feathers and matching hair color were not black, but a dark blue that seemed to shine in the early sunlight. 
“What’s your name?” You asked as he took the salad from you.
He grabbed the salad and held it close to him, as though someone may steal it. It took him a few moments to process your question before he answered, “Deuce.”
You knew that ravens were normally very intelligent animals. But with the way Deuce took so long to answer and the way he struggled with the plastic packaging, you had a feeling that the same could not be said for the halflings.
Deuce struggled with the packaging a little while more before he handed it back to you and, with a blush settling on his cheeks, muttered a small, “Help.”
You opened it for him with a smile, “No need to be embarrassed, Deuce, it can be tricky to open sometimes.”
He nodded, but you weren’t sure he actually understood you. Either way, he seemed happy enough to have his salad open for him. Similar to the parrot halfling, he retreated to his birdhouse to eat his meal.
You decided to try giving the owl his meal next, although you weren’t sure you would be able to wake him. You would feel bad if you disturbed his rest.
However, you had no need to worry, because the owl halfling was awake and alert when you approached his cage. You rummaged through the salads for the one with grilled chicken chunks in it and found it quickly. The other salads had either shrimp or were plain, saved specifically for the flamingos and peacocks respectively.
You handed over the chicken salad and the owl halfling smiled politely at you, giving you a gentle, “Thank you.” 
Unlike the parrot and raven halflings, he did not open his salad and dig in, but instead put it aside for later. Upon noticing your confused look, he explained, “I’m saving it for nighttime.”
You nodded but secretly wondered why they wouldn’t just feed him at night only. After all, that’s the time owls hunt. But you supposed it made it easier to just feed everyone at the same time instead of making any exceptions. 
Pretty lazy, in your opinion.
Next was the flamingos, and you approached their enclosure in awe. Their feathers were a soft, beautiful pink and, instead of the talons you were used to seeing on bird halflings, they had bare feet much like a human’s, just with webbing between the toes. 
“Shrimp salads, anyone?” You jokingly asked the two flamingos.
One of them, the one with light orange hair, flew over with such excitement that you took a step back, “You’re new!”
“Yes, I’m filling in for the morning meal today!” You said cheerfully.
“How exciting!” The flaming gasped, “That’s exciting, isn’t it, Riddle?”
The other flamingo, a more serious-looking man with red hair, cautiously watched you. He did not respond to the more enthusiastic flamingo.
“Let me just…” the orange-haired flamingo took a salad from you, opened the container, and began methodically arranging the shrimp and lettuce until it looked like it was something out of Chef Ramsey’s kitchen, “Perfect! Hashtag delicious!”
You stared at him, wondering where he’d learned to talk like a teenage girl. Riddle, annoyed by his fellow flamingo’s behavior, snapped at him, “You don’t have a phone. Stop with that ‘hashtag’ nonsense.”
You were shocked to hear a halfling besides a parrot speak so fluently, not to mention so prim and proper sounding. Handing over a salad to Riddle, you asked the other flamingo, “What’s your name?”
“Cater!” He said with a proud smile, as though his name was an accomplishment. You couldn’t help but giggle at his antics, which seemed to deepen Riddle’s frown.
“I have to give the peacocks their salads now,” you told Cater. 
“Bye-bye!” Cater said cheerfully, waving as you walked away.
The peacock enclosure was certainly something to behold. It had a huge fountain and ornate fencing. You tried to wave the three peacocks over, but they refused to come to you. Remembering what Mr. Crowley had said about them being a little cocky, you sighed and opened the gate.
You carried the large plastic container over to them and, with a smile, you held out a salad to the closest one. The tall flamingo gave you a disdainful look, but took the salad all the same. The one with a bowl cut took his with a closed-eyed smile, “Merci, mademoiselle.”
French? You wondered where he had learned French and if he spoke any English. Moving on from that thought, you handed the last salad over to a slightly timid-looking, small and adorable lilac-haired peacock.
All of the peacocks had beautiful white feathers in a fan shape protruding from their backs. You couldn’t help but admire them, despite the way they didn’t seem all too interested in you.
“What are your names?” You asked.
The one with blond-to-lilac hair turned his back on you and walked away with his salad. The one with completely lilac hair merely offered you an “Epel” before following after him.
The one with a bowl cut placed a hand on his chest and, with a large smile, introduced himself, “I am Rook,” He pointed at the retreating back of the first peacock and said, “Vil”.
“Vil is his name?” You clarified. Rook nodded in response. You wondered if he knew more French than English.
Either way, you were done feeding them for the day, so it was on to studying them.
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ressonancee · 9 months
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WESTERN WIND
Vernon is on the verge of freaking out - Vernon is chill, Vernon is calm, but everyone has a limit, and Vernon's limit is when he complains 3 consecutive weeks about his front wing and the engineering team doesn't do a thing about it.
✦ genre: F1 Alternative Universe, almost enemiers to lovers (but really just have a fight in the workplace now we are weird), smut, they do it without protection so - be safe guys love you.
✦ word count: 8.9k+ ✦ title inspired by Carly Rae Jepsen - Western wind
✦ Thea note: okay, this was a challenge!! This was written for a friend who enjoys the f1 world and isn't a carat - but we are working on it. I write for me and I write what i like to read and to me, Vernon screams lazy sex so that's that - that's really nothing more on this subject. reminder 1: i am not an english speaker so i am very sorry about any mistake but you don't need to be a bitch about it. Also, I may try to write every member but gooooood some are harder than others, and vernon was hard for me so i am sorry if the characterization is weird or when you are reading this you think shit this is not Vernon lol I reached a point where i was like yeah i'm giving up.
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Vernon has always been obsessed with the idea of flying. 
Not taking an airplane-flying, but actually flying. The closest he got to this was behind a steering wheel. And he got so obsessed with the feeling - first the wind against his face, then the whiplash of going too fast.  He loved it so much that he just made a career out of it. 
And Vernon was good at it, one of the best really, first drive in his new team and all. But it is the seventh grand prix and the car still lacking and there is so much he can do with pure strength and strategy. 
He can't fight aerodynamics. He can't, and to be honest, he shouldn't do what the engineering team was supposed to. But he is one step away from getting out of the car and breaking the damn front wing with his bare hand in the middle of the box. Vernon, a lot of people don't know, but he has this kind of superpower when he gets incredibly mad his face is still calm, and nobody knows he is on the verge of freaking out.
But Vernon just handles the steering wheel to the guy next to the car and jumps off it without making a scene. On a scale of Fernando Alonso to Kimi Raikkonen Vernon leans more to Kimi's side, even though right now he may pull off a Nico Rosberg or psychological warfare like Michael Schumacher against the engineering team, he is not above it today. 
He is no Kimi Raikkone though. Vernon does prefer just being in the car. He enjoys being on the circuit running laps. He is chill with being on the go, traveling around, jumping on airplanes, and Vernon developed a near to perfect packing method - he travels with just a backpack, thanks god. Vernon doesn't love press tours, sometimes they are just insufferable. He doesn't love to have a run down when his week has been shit - trashed car or broken really. But otherwise, Vernon is cool with it, he laughs a little, he goofs with other pilots, he has friends - sometimes he goes out with Lee Chan the Haas pilot. Sometimes he cracks jokes with Mingyu and Wonwoo - the Red Bull duo. So sometimes press is actually fun, and even tho Vernon is an accomplished guy in his field pole and race win on his name he also still has idols on the paddocks because he is against names like Choi Seungcheol and Hong Joshua.
So Vernon enjoys his life really, he isn't one to overthinking about what choosing this type of life made him lose. He gained so much that it would be unfair to do that, to wonder what it could be.
But when Vernon feels like his team is not even hearing his complaint about how the aerodynamics of the car is fucked up Vernon wants to just crash the car and scream in the box. What the fuck? Fix the gooddamn wing for fuck's sake. 
But Vernon doesn't scream in the middle of the box, it wouldn't be good for the press, and Vernon is calm he is chill, but he isn't dumb. He does this when the engineering team, himself, and Choi Minho, his team principal, are in a more private area.
"What the hell? I've been complaining about the front wing since the Australia GP."
"We have been working on the wing." The engineering girl slash prodigy answers.
"And why the fuck is not working properly? This car will fly out of the track if a single drop of rain falls." Vernon continues because he is the one putting his life on the line really. Why no one is giving a fuck about what he has been saying.
"We are trying, you know about regulations we cant-" You try to say as if everybody doesn't remember that FIA is actually the worst ever and it is your job to care about regulations too.
"Oh my fucking God. I gonna crash this car in the first fucking lap I am not even kidding." Vernon says pacing around the table, he hates the whole can't do won't do FIA-related frustration. 
"Ok, Vernon you know we can't really do anything about it right now," Minho says arms crossed. "So stop bitching about it, and no you will not crash my car in the first lap you are not stupid." And now Vernon knows he can't really crash his car but he feels the urge to do it nonetheless, Minho can scrap his bank account he doesn't care, he can go fucking penny less but he will have his front wing fixed up.
 "You," Minho says pointing at you and you are actually relieved, you can take the screams of the team principal - even tho Minho is not near screaming, but taking shit from the pilot? Not gonna happen "For fuck sake take his complaint and actually do something about it for the next GP, you have like 5 people that could have been working for NASA in the team if he complains again about this mothefucker wing again I gonna have a stroke," he says leaving the room.
"Why do you guys only act when I bring Choi Minho to the room?" Vernon asks feeling dumb and to be honest disrespected. He knows he is young, he knows he is new, but he was brought to the team for a reason.
"Not that it matters," You say already picking the things around the table, probably from a previous meeting. "But he is my boss, not you Vernon."
"I am the one inside the car," Vernon says trying to attain some kind of respect or authority.
"Ok, that's not relevant to me whatsoever. I work designing a car that if we put a dog behind the wheel is gonna be fast so-" You say because you are tired this front wing nightmare has been going on for more than the australia grand prix actually, it's always the same problem, again and again, your team fixes it but it always comes back to life like a zombie or something.
"Did you just say that I am not relevant? Are you kidding me?" Vernon actually scoffs because of course he knew when he arrived in Mercedes that the team is bigger than him, he knew what all the critics said, but being treated that poorly by a co-worker? Fucked up man.
"That's not what I meant-"
"Yeah yeah yeah like Im just a dumb kid on the wheel, that's what you meant. I really thought we could build a nice relationship and all-" Vernon cuts you already opening up his overall because it is hot as fuck, like one step away from dying hot. "I guess the civil war thing going on wasn't in my plans but if you guys on the engineering want that I have no problem whatsoever in being a fucking dick."
Vernon says almost dashing to his trailer, fucking stupid overalls dangling around his waist because if one of the journalists asks him something about his wing or his time or how Kim Mingyu got the pole, Choi Minho is not the only one who will have a stroke. Health care plans and his life insurance will skyrocket.
After Vernon takes a shower, he realizes how dumb and idiotic he is. This happens a lot. Vernon doesn't really know how to deal with his rage, so when the anger dissipates, he just ends up regretting everything. 
Regretting is not even close to the proper word. When Vernon analyzes the chances of him fucking up his entire year because you simply do not rage war on your engineering team - that was like a rule, not a rule scratch that, it was a dogma. A rule you can break, if you try that shit on a dogma, you will root in hell. The hell being Vernon's worst nightmare - having the team ask him to pull aside to the other driver because he can't keep up, the reason? His shitty ass front wing.
But when the actual race comes and Vernon starts the race in third and finishes up in 5th place, he doesn't know who will drop dead first, him or Choi Minho. 
"Do we need a meeting between grand prix to fix this hellhole you guys have been calling a car?" His boss asks and Vernon can see you just rolling your eyes. Dude, that's crazy. Did you just roll your eyes to Choi Minho? That was insane. 
And Vernon coped the only way he knew - developing a wealth obsession fueled by hatred, all because you didn't give him his wing and a roll of your eyes at Choi Minho.
Before that, Vernon really didn't have a problem with you. Since he moved to Mercedes everything was great! Great team! New and more powerful car! Great teammate - Lee Jihoon, who actually took Vernon under his wing. The pre-season was great, and he didn't have problems with you whenever you two had to talk about the development stage of the car. 
Actually, Vernon finds you interesting really, that's not a lot of women in F1, and the majority of the women actually deal with public relations or team management like Kwon Boa. He always saw you around, really, always in jeans, tennis, and a Mercedes shirt. Sometimes with glasses, sometimes with a cap on. Always chatting with someone, sometimes writing things down on a notebook, sometimes explaining something. 
He didn't actually have any problems with you. He didn't have a reason, but now? Now Vernon can't really back off, can he? God, he was not a fighter and neither a hater, but he wasn't a coward either. 
So when his one-week break is cut short and people send him to Northamptonshire Vernon is angry because really: 1st he could use a few days off, 2nd between the Emilia-Romagna and the Monaco GP he had booked a crazy Airbnb in Cannes.
Now he was stuck in this hell hole of a place, in a way too cold meeting room, with like the whole engineering team and his boss. Not ideal. So Vernon's mind just wonders really, he thinks about how he needs to catch up on his favorite TV show, maybe he can check on his family later, or call his friend Boo Seungkwan - maybe he would call Seungkwan to Monaco is bouge enough for Seungkwan.
“And that's why we try to fix the front wing, but it seems like the aerodynamic problem is always back. Lee Seokmin actually did design another front wing at the start of the pre-season but you guys said that this one had a better grip” You finish the whole ppt-presentation, sometimes you hated your job so much, and by sometimes you meant the whole ppt presentation of a problem that we can`t actually fix because of regulations and because you guys main driver didn't do proper feedback in the first place. And now you have a problem in your hands, that to begin with, it wasn't even yours. 
“So the best thing we can do is?” Choi Minho asks and you laugh because right now you are not the one treating Vernon like a damn child on the wheel, it is Choi Minho, but Vernon is too engrossed in his own mind to notice or he feigns ignorance because it is Choi Minho who is talking, not you the mere translator girl for the engineering team. 
“We can try always the wet tire even if it's just light, and we can always use the soft tire at the beginning of the race it is the less durable but if he is in a good position to start with we can always call him back-”
“So, we did this three-hour meeting” Vernon actually checked his watch. It was a tree hour meeting for god`s sake. “for the resolution being soft tire and pray for a good pit stop? Are we crazy?”
“If you heard about FIA rules we cannot-” You try to speak but really, you don't even know why you start when you know you gonna be ignored by the man in the room and it’s F1 there is always a man in the room, always.
“Ok ok,” Vernon interrupts. “Just so you know that’s crazy, everything about this wing situation is crazy, we are just handling the championship, we are not even close to being - I don't know? 5th fucking place.” 
“We need to make the legal team re-analyze the rules,” Minho says contemplative and not really angry, and to be honest you wouldn't be either because it is true, but Vernon could be less bitch about it because it is not your fault either
“Just that? Ok,” Vernon says and he gets up because when Minho talks about the legal team it`s gonna take 4 to 6 days to actually find a loophole in the damn manual, but hey ok, it's fine, Vernon it’s chill, but not chill enough because the next moment his mouth is moving. “Maybe you could ask for the engineering team to work on that too I don't know just a thought” 
And you laugh, loud and clear. And Vernon is truly spooked. What the heck? Are you going crazy? Has the excruciating work and the insane hours with the weekly jetlag made you crazy? 
“Yeah Minho,” you say, picking up the papers. Why do you always pick up? Are they top-secret papers? Vernon never thought about corporate espionage, but it may be a thing. “Maybe you can ask your drivers for proper feedback when I ask them about grip and wings and start making them say whole sentences, not it's bad and a sad emoji. If we did send a form about this shit we wouldn't have this problem,” You actually leave them room, but Minho and Vernon continue listening to your voice down the hall. “Oh Vernon, how it’s going with the car. Make them say 4 whole sentences and not it's chill. Maybe that would help” and then you scream. “Just a thought."
“I mean” Choi Minho starts getting up too. “Nothing against a rivalry in the workplace, dang in my times, it was worse. But if I get an actual complaint - Humans Resources or Legal Team involved - I am so firing both of you, and I am not even caring about labor law or whatever.” 
And Vernon thinks it's weird how he was the first one to get up and the last one out of the meeting room.
So when Vernon actually arrives in Monaco - Boo Seungkwan, his best friend since birth, on his side, the civil war in his team is still going on at full speed. The tire strategy is still in place. Choi Minho still looks at him every five minutes like a babysitter. You still give a side eye every time you both share a room, Vernon is even more aware that you roll your eyes at everyone. Are you just discontent with everything?
But he doesn't think so when he sees you and Jeonghan, the team strategy, and Jun, one of the mechanics, laughing while eating lunch. Vernon is puzzled really why the fuck is he, Choi Minho, and the whole team getting side eyes and Jeonghan and Jun receiving beautiful smiles and even laughs? That's weird, more than weird, that's unfair really.
"What's going on in your head?" Boo Seungkwan asks, actually stealing a bite of Vernon chicken's breast. 
"Just, you know the whole war in the team. That's the girl that is actually making my life hell." Vernon says voice low like he is telling Seungkwan a secret, trying to be discreet. 
"That one?" Seungkwan asks loud and not caring about the top secret war going on, apparently. "Oh, Vernon, she is pretty."
"And?" Vernon thinks puzzled because really he never stopped to think about it. "Ok, ok, stop looking," Vernon says when he sees Jeonghan looking back at his table, grabbing Seungkwan and almost getting up and turning Seungkwan`s head himself. God.
"You didn't tell me she was pretty." Seungkwan acts like it was the most important thing ever. Missing the point, really, because the most important thing ever in this whole ordeal was Vernon's career and the probability of it ending abruptly. 
"Yeah, because it is not important, I mean…" Vernon trails off because again, he never stopped really, but thinking about you are pretty. Or at least not recently. Vernon thinks back when you two met in the pre-season and he may have blushed once or twice talking to you in the first days, but he wouldn't call it a crush.
"Hey Vernon," Jeonghan says, stopping at his side. "We will go over the strategy at 3 pm for the first free practice, so if you need anything, just give us a heads up before."
"Oh, sure man, actually I was thinking about the ty-" Vernon starts.
"Bye guys, if I hear one more driver talking about how they don’t want to start with a soft tire today, I'm gonna jump the nearest cliff." You say, lacing arms with Jun and just dragging him.
"Oh, she is feisty today," Jeonghan laughs. "Okay, anyway, you can bring everything to the team, right? I need to actually get some information with her so-" 
"Sure, sure man, no big." 
“Yeah," Boo Seungkwan just laughs, and laughs, he actually almost falls backward type of laughing “When was the last time you got laid?"
"Hm?" Out of nowhere? What the heck was going on in his friend’s mind? But Vernon actually needs time to think about it, fuck, when was the last time? Vernon didn’t even remember with whom. "I don't know a few weeks?"
"Months right?" Seungkwan answered in a heartbeat, chewing on a long French fries.
"Maybe dude, you know it is hard when I am always on the go." And it was hard, Vernon wasn’t lying. He didn’t enjoy the whole no-string attached really, and after he got a little famous - in a very niche type of famous he knew that, he was no rockstar type of guy, but still, he enjoyed it even less.
"Yeah didn't peg you for doing in the workplace kind of guy, always talking about how it is precious and nothing can disturb the paddock’s energy,” Seungkwan says making Vernon almost choke on his food.
“First, that is the rule that applies when you want to bring your boyfriend Kwon Soonyoung because last time he almost broke my trophy,” Vernon can actually feel the chill going through his body just remembering the scene that his traumatized brain conjures up, it was his first grand prix win and Seungkwan boyfriend almost knocked it down. “second we are not doing anything. We are actually enemies” 
“Oh,” Seungkwan stops, truly stops, dropping his fork and knife, and he stares at Vernon, but Vernon knows it is not a stare, Seungkwan is analyzing Vernon like he always did. “Well, that's even worse, because when it happens - see not if, I said when it's going to be a nuclear bomb, thanks good I am not going to Spain with you and me and my lovely boyfriend will be having a few days off in Monaco so…” 
The problem was that Seungkwan was always annoyingly right. Seungkwan was right when he said Vernon's last relationship wouldn't last more than 3 months. Seungkwan was also right about Vernon's first love and second. Seungkwan had this superpower really, Seungkwan was always there to see the picture better before Vernon did.
But Vernon always just shrugged and went to his next task, now free practice. And Vernon did slightly better than he thought - 4th place. So he wasn't actually totally dejected after the press asked him about the probability of rain. Everything was fine until Vernon saw the little orange cat hiding in the corner of the Mercedes trailer.
Vernon squatted and tried to call the little kitten really, it was tiny and made Vernon's heart break a little because when the cat was approaching him Vernon saw how he was limping, front paw looking hurt. Also, the little dude looked muddy. He may hate Vernon for it, but he needed a good wash.
"Hey," You say looking at Vernon who just started stroking the orange cat fur. "I was just-" You point at the water container.
"Ah yeah," Vernon says, giving you a nod. "I was thinking of finding something so this little guy can eat but-"
"We don't know anything around, same." You say squatting on Vernon's side and putting the container on the ground, little dude giving you both a meow.
"Could we-" Vernon starts but you just cut him.
"Make a trainee do the hard work? Make them go to the nearest supermarket, " you say, laughing a little, like you laugh with others. And Vernon thinks that maybe your brain is too fast, two-step forwards already, ahead of everyone, always.
"Yeah, I was thinking about asking someone or even the Grand Prix organizers to even get a vet around. I think something is wrong with his paw." Vernon points at the cat, and he stops for a minute thinking about how he is so used to being in the paddock but not really knowing his way around it. He strokes the cat again, almost feeling the urge to pick him up and go around asking if anyone knows a vet.
"You shouldn't be touching him." You say and Vernon feels a little offended. Did you enjoy telling him what to do? Vernon could take it, he didn't like it, but when it was about the race he could take it, but about a cat? Really? "Like, for health reasons." 
"Yeah, I was thinking about taking him to the trailer, but if he has fleas, that would be a nightmare," Vernon says hand still scratching the little cat like the rebel he was. 
"Can you-" You trail off, looking around, and Vernon can almost see your brain working inside your skull.
"What?"
"Look, we have like two options.” You say getting up and fixing your pants. And Vernon thinks that Seungkwan was actually right shit, you are actually and objectively pretty. “You can be an asshole and make someone do the job just because you are throwing a i am a star fit"
"Or?"
"You could totally do your I am a heartthrob bit on the communication team newbie, she kinda has a crush on you, so she would totally find Seb a vet place. Just don't let Minghao know.” Vernon just feels like a lot of what you just said goes over his head because it really doesn’t make sense to him, Heartthrob what? Crush who? Seb? 
"Are we calling him Seb?"
"I mean he just gives me Sebastian Vettel energy all around you know, he is kind of shy and orange," you say trying not to sound dumb, feeling a little anxious - because Vernon always made you feel this way, an uneasy feeling paired with his low voice.
"Yeah, I can see that” and Vernon smiles, dude the cat really looks like Sebastian. God - in that exact moment Vernon knows that his life is fucked up, he is picking a stray cat when the next 3 weeks he will be jumping from airplane to airplane. But look at him, Vernon can't leave Seb in a freaking paddock, in the end of the week everything will be gone.
"So? Which one? I'm pretty sure we can try just telling Minho you went rogue as the third option but…"
"The heartthrob one just-" Vernon can feel his forehead itch and the beginning of a headache. He can't do a heartthrob bit. What is he talking about? "Just show me the way."
"I need your keys," you say to Vernon, hand open in his direction "First we need a box and a towel. We can't let little Seb on the loose."
"He is a little difficult, though. Pretty sure he won't stay in the box," Vernon tells you already giving you his key.
"I think I can steal a few eggs for him on the way. If they are boiled, it won't be a problem. He seems hungry enough."
And Vernon actually plays with Seb until you arrive, a box filled with Vernon's towel - probably the one he used this morning, and a plastic plate full of eggs. And then you are already dragging Vernon around to the second task - the heartthrob bit. And Vernon thinks about how quick on your feet you are - figuratively, and literally, you walk really fast. Later, you tell him that is a job thing, not a you thing. Apparently to be an F1 engineer you need to think fast, walk quickly, and solve everyone's problems.
Vernon did the heartthrob bit - it actually ended up with the newbie taking Seb to the vet, you gave her a to-do list (1 - check his paw, 2 - check for fleas, 3 - don't forget the shots!!!) and Vernon's credit card. But Vernon still with a weird taste in his mouth. How did you know the newbie had a crush on him? That's totally weird.
But hey the trainee actually found a vet, and she brings Seb back with shots and a bath. And now Vernon is staring at his cat, thinking about how if he needs to call the hotel to check about the animal policy, maybe he could do the heartthrob bit to the hotel manager. Or he could leave Seb unattended, he could eat something, chew his race boot, or - then Vernon hears a knock, which is weird of course because Vernon doesn't actually receive visits in the motor home, people know that Vernon is sensitive about that - no fans, no press, no knocking when he is in the motorhome.
"Hi," you say as soon as Vernon opens his door, "just came to see the little guy."
"Oh, yeah sure," of course it was you, the only person who doesn't actually care about Vernon’s word and maybe well-being, but Vernon kind of understands, Seb is cute, "he looks tired tho."
"It's okay, I just came to give him some love." You say one digit going between Seb’s ear, squatting on the floor, letting Seb chill in his place, "Are you going to the hotel?" 
"I don't know,” Vernon scratches his kneck because it is true, he doesn’t actually have any idea what he is about to do, maybe he can take his race boots and everything essential so Seb doesn't chew on it, "I need to go but I can’t leave him alone but also I can’t sleep on the couch, it will fuck up my neck and also can’t just not sleep."
"You can go, I can sleep here on the bed, not a problem." You say sitting on the floor, Seb little groggy but wake, you pick him up and put him on your lap, and he just purr. What the hell? His cat is purring? For another person? What?
"I can’t let you do that,” he can’t because his cat is already in love and because he also knows that his motorhome bed is just uncomfortable. 
"Don’t worry, we are just-" you say finally looking at Vernon’s eyes, "co-parenting" You say and Vernon feels like a bomb just dropped, and the whole humanity just vanished, he can hear a pin drop.
"Co-pareting? A cat?" Vernon says like his brain is not really functioning.
"Yeah Vernon,” You start, and Vernon can see a small smile across your face, “people have different family arrangements. You, me, and Seb, divorced people with a kid, it's okay." 
"Divorced?" Vernon actually lets out a laugh, a scoff really. Why are you trying to mess with him ? This is not even close to normal.
"Yeah we are not on great terms but we sacrifice for him."
Vernon leaves - not because you said he could, not because you found a solution, but because it was the right thing to do for his performance really. Vernon leaves because his neck is a prized possession, and because he needs to sleep , he needs his best reaction time. And Vernon is an athlete. People may say that driving a car is not a sport, but people don’t know how much the g-force makes his neck almost break. But when Vernon lays in bed with his special pillow, Vernon can’t actually sleep. His mind goes back to his motorhome, to his just-for-stretching bed, and never actually sleeps. His mind, Vernon finds out, is going back to you sleeping in that awful bad, to the way you treat the little cat like it can break, and the way that every time your hand goes against the cat's fur Venon can actually feel the love.
Vernon is so fucked.
He starts to think that Seungkwan is actually right.
And Vernon can't actually sleep because you are tormenting his mind and Seungkwan's voice telling him 'I told you so' echoes in his mind.
Even tho not getting the eight-hour sleep Vernon gets what his system needs to be quick on his reactions -  Wonwoo and Seungcheol actually crash in front of him, debris over his head and Vernon has control enough to just not crash in the crash in the narrows streets of Monaco. Nightmare, really. Vernon finishes in third because of it, and even tho he is in the podium, he can't actually feel happy about it.
Maybe that's really why Vernon can't have his car with a fucked up wing because it can mean life and death. Later that day he makes sure to go check with both drivers - halo is ugly as fuck but saves lives.
Vernon is thankful that he doesn't have time to actually think about life and death because you are shoving him into a funny bag and telling him to put Seb inside and telling him that you actually are about to sit next to him. So Vernon ends up with a cat bag on his lap, Seb strangely chills about everything, your hand going inside the bag just to stroke his fur.
He ends up sleeping the flight, which is only about 1h40 minutes, but Vernon feels like he needed that nap.
The perception of time in the world of F1 is really truly bizarre. Vernon is always running, always thinking about how he can go faster, even when he is doing the press talk. Minghao walks faster, and explains everything for Vernon in 3 sentences, if it is a sponsor or if it is a journalist, if he needs to actually talk about the car, or if it is a 'content' bit. 
But when Vernon is going around the paddock and see you leaning against Jeonghan smile bright and full Vernon actually stops on his track, it is late, and everything is figured out in the paddock why the hell are you and Jeonghan laughing about?
"Come on, Vern," Minghao calls him, making his neck turn. "Come on, we have three more, and if I don't arrive in time for my dinner with Mika, she is going to kill me."
So Vernon lets Minghao drag him across the paddock. But his mind is still on the scene, you leaning and smiling against Jeonghan, and Vernon doesn't want to, but he feels jealous. He wants to be Jeonghan so fucking bad.
Vernon really doesn't have much time to think about it, he needs to sleep, watch his water intake, and think about his neck - his neck is his most important body part as a f1 driver, and he did think his neck was feeling a little funny. But every time Vernon sits and has time to himself, his brain conjures the image of you and Jeonghan in his eyelid.
Vernon doesn't think it was because of his neck or because his sleep was extremely shitty but the next day, his car crashes against a brick wall. Not great. Not ideal. Not fun either. So Vernon does what he needs to do. Even if he feels fine and got out of the car on his own, he needs his trip to the hospital. Turns out a few hours later, the medical team is sure that Vernon is not dying, but he may have a concussion.
When Vernon is back in his motor home to pick Seb back to the hotel (this time he actually made sure it was okay with the hotel's policy) he founds you lying on his useless motor home bed.
"Hey," you say getting up the bed "are you okay?"
"Yeah yeah," Vernon drops his bag on the floor and sits down by your side. "Just a concussion."
"Okay," you say, looking at Vernon, like actually looking at him searching for something. "I was scared it wasn't a pretty scene, Vernon."
"I know, but I'm okay," but Vernon is so so tired, he is okay and he feels okay but he feels the urge to just lie in this horrible bed and just stay in it, he doesn’t even care about his neck really - he can call for physiotherapy or something. 
"Still, the whole team was worried, you don’t need to act like it wasn’t scary,” you say and Vernon just feels so heavy, like his whole body is made of bricks, even tho he is ok with it, he is used to it really, but the crash still takes a tool on his body "and you should have gone directly to the hotel"
"I was just picking Seb up," Vernon just lies on that horrible bed and it doesn’t really seem that bad, or he is just so tired that even lying on the floor seems like a good option now. His mind is tired too - Vernon can’t even think.
"You didn't need to do that. You could've ringed me up, you know, co-parenting,” you say, voice small, and Vernon's hazed mind almost doesn’t catch it.
"Yeah," Vernon scoffs. Really, he didn’t even think about texting you,  "I don't think I have your number"
"Oh shit," You say picking up Vernon's phone and putting it in front of his face to unlock his phone, "ok gonna save my number you need to send me Seb pics I don't think you should bring him up, we have a week off you are probably going back to England right? You should hire someone to go see him daily or-" 
Vernon just feels the urge to actually kiss you. You are just there, cat on your lap, thinking about how Vernon shouldn't bring Seb around anymore, you are so so worried about his health and if he is getting stressed, and you go on about how Vernon just needs to let him rest in his place in England even tho it would be super hard for you because you are getting used to distress, every work day you pop up in Vernon motor home to say hi to the cat - and to Vernon, it all feels like a freaking lullaby, he actually nestles himself in the bed, searching for the better position to just sleeps. 
"See," you say to Vernon when you see how dozed off he is "you never pay attention." 
"I am paying attention," Vernon answers, eyes still shut but not actually sleeping. 
"You are not. You are zoomed out," You say, lying on his side, legs dangling out of the bed.  "What were you thinking?"
"Nothing really," Vernon says because he is not really thinking about anything concrete really, his brain is all over the place.
"Vern," you actually whine, "I thought we were becoming friends parenting the same kid"
"We are becoming friends" Vernon laughs because that is weird right? “I have your phone now we are definitely friends”
"See? So tell me, what's on your mind lately?" You try again, but Vernon just hums."You seem actually stressed lately. Is Minho bothering you? I  know the results are not great, but i promise we are trying" 
"I know, I know, don't worry about that." And Vernon feels actually bad because it is the first time he can feel that you are a little guilty, no scratch that, tired? Vernon can’t really catch the feeling, but he knows that you care. 
“I am not worried about that, I care about the results but you crashed today, the med team said you may have a concussion, and I don’t know if you are just zooming out in an ok way or zooming out in a concussion-induced way.” 
“It’s not the concussion the hospital let me go, it is just, I’m just tired” Vernon feels your hand on his hair, petting him, almost like you do with Seb, and Vernon just let himself sleep feeling the affection in the way your fingers travel in his skull. 
The thing is, even when Vernon is in his house in England he doesn't really feel at home, because it is a company provided apartment, and to be fair Vernon didn't put a lot of effort in it. So in his week off Vernon tries to focus on his physical training, on his neck, on his diet, on sleeping, but every time his phone vibrates Vernon just feels giddy and excited because 80% of the time it is just you reacting to Seb's pics Vernon sent.
Vernon tries not to think about how fast you answer his messages or how sometimes you send audio snips, and Vernon doesn't feel angry - he always hated audio message god. Vernon also hated calls but one night he actually video calls you and you are already in bed but you said you wanted to say goodnight to Seb but you and Vernon spends more than an hour chatting about nothing and everything. 
When the time comes, Vernon ponders; leaving Seb behind or actually flying with the cat. So he just calls Boo Seungkwan to babysit Sebastian - the hours of flight and the jetlag would just make him stressed, even tho Vernon thinks he is the worst person ever adopting a cat to just let him stay in an empty apartment even tho Seungkwan will make sure he is eating, and Vernon actually begged 3 times to Seungkwan check Seb's litter box.
To everyone's surprise, Vernon actually gets a pole position. To be honest, even to Vernon and his team it was a surprise, too. But it was a good one. You congratulated him, and that night, you and Vernon called Seungkwan and spent like 45 minutes talking to a cat and cooing together - like parents on a holiday.
Vernon thinks it's kinda weird really - how you two fell into this dynamic of sharing a pet, and in a way, you two turned into friends too. So when Vernon is ready to get out to his car you are the last one to greet him, and Vernon is not really superstitious but he thinks he will make sure that this turns into a new team ritual.
When Vernon crosses the finish line, he feels it - the feeling that Vernon always chased in a way. When he hears the screams and laughs on his radio, he feels he can actually let go and just enjoy. He did. He won a grand prix again.
And when Vernon is showered with champagne, hears his national anthem, and jumps to the crowd he thinks about you. He tries to find you really but Minghao just directs him to the press area.
“Hey,” you say, popping your head in the door crack after knocking on his door. “Heard you were looking for me.”
“Yeah yeah.” And Vernon feels sticky. His whole body is covered in champagne. He is looking like a mess, but god, he is so so happy. “Didn’t see you in the celebration.” 
“I was around. Saw everything, don't worry" You move and close the door acting like you guys didn't accomplish the best thing in the whole world because that's how Vernon feels like he is on top of the world. 
“No no-” Vernon's smile is so big, and he touches your arms, and he actually stops, and he looks at you. “We did! We actually did it!” 
“You did it" you say almost shoving him, but Vernon's hands don't leave your arms - hot and sticky against your skin, "don't need to be humble it was a great race on your side-”
“No no no listen, we both did it. We did it together. We are sharing this," Vernon says - smile still big across his face, he is so sweaty why do you think that seeing Vernon happy is the best thing ever? “Come on, say it”
“We did it” You say smiling, not even because you are happy with his win - you are, you are happy for the team, and you are happy for Vernon, but Vernon is so happy and in a way is so infectious you just can not smile like him.
“We sure did,” and Vernon hugs you, head dropping on your shoulder, “god-”
“What?"
“You smell nice," Vernon says voice muffled.
“Thank you, you smell like really nice champagne," you say with a laugh, god Vernon is so happy, and there is only one thing that would make him happier -
"And-” He tries to master his courage to say, “and I wish I could kiss you.”
When Vernon kisses you, he almost feels the breeze, almost feeling the physical sensations that involve flying, because, in his head, he is already 10 thousand feet high. He feels so out of it that Vernon just let you take what you want for him. God, you want so much. 
Vernon can feel it. He feels in the way your fingers hold his jaw. He feels in the way your mouth goes together, like two pieces made to fit each other. He feels in the way that you react when his hands hold your hips so tightly, whimpering in his mouth.
Vernon is not one to complain about speed, but when his whole world is spinning and everything is going so fucking fast he wishes he could stop the time, make it go backward, make it go slower. 
His whole life, he fought against the clock. If he was two seconds faster if he didn't waste milliseconds in the second curve. Vernon was always running, but now, fuck Vernon wishes he could go slow.
So Vernon chooses to take his time, not hurry. He kisses you slowly. The way that he trails his lips against your jaw is slow, and the way that his hands travel to your ribcage is slow.
"Vernon," you try to call his attention, to make him hurry, to make him speed up, but the only thing that Vernon gives you is a non-committal noise.
And Vernon thinks you are in a fucking trailer, with a not-great bed, and he has one better - bigger and with his trusted neck pillow but everything just shatters when someone knocks on his door.
And when Vernon opens the door and sees Minghao he thinks two things: Minghao is his worst enemy really, Minghao must hate him. The second one? Vernon asks himself how many wins he needs in his career to do a contract clause saying he is never doing press again, if someone asks him to do an interview or youtube content he is allowed to change teams before the end of his contract.
Vernon goes back to everything needs to move fast behavior. You two jump on a plane, and again, Vernon has his week off - while you need to go to Austria to check everything related to the engineering team. So when Vernon arrives and Seb purrs against his leg, he films it and sends it to you. When Vernon is chilling on his bed and Seb acts like Vernon's body is his personal pillow, he films it and sends it to you. When you say you are crying because you miss the cat, Vernon calls you and says you can knock on his door anytime. 
When Vernon arrives in the paddock the first thing he does is ask Jun where you were - meeting room, you had a meeting with Jeonghan and Minho, but when Vernon knocks on the door you are alone.
"You really did it." It's the first thing you say to Vernon.
"Yeah" He shrugs. "it was a promise."
"It looks good on you," you say, sitting in front of him at the table, hand touching Vernon’s hair, feeling the urge to ruffle it. 
"So, like, my last meal was airplane food, so I was thinking about taking you to dinner," Vernon says, and you just think how it is unfair that even tho he is not conscious of it, he is doing the heartthrob thing, the lazy eyes, the small smile, the unkept hair - now blonde.
"Hm-" you try your best to not just throw your papers and forget you have an actual job just because Vernon smiled at you, "I don't know if I am free, actually Minho was talking about going over the strategy with you so-"
"Yeah? Ok, I can call him and say the airplane gave me a headache so," Vernon picks his phone up and starts typing something, "I don't know Austrian food that well but we can always go to an Italian."
"Italian, I prefer Italian," you say, chin resting on your hand and just admiring Vernon. You are pretty sure if you were a cartoon, they would draw you with heart eyes.
"Nice."
You let Vernon wine and dine you. The restaurant was nice, and it was even nicer that you and Vernon sat side by side in low light, and you can just rest your head on his shoulder because you were truly tired and because every time you did that you could actually sniff Vernon a bit, and he smells so so good. 
You guys just chat about everything, and at some point, Vernon actually unlocks his phone and just lets you browse his gallery (90% of it is Seb's pics or videos, and the other 10% were the pics you sent him about your day - a coffee, a building, anything silly that made you smile), and looking at it made your heart melt.
In a silent agreement, you just hop in Vernon's Uber and end up on his hotel bed, with Vernon on top of you. 
Vernon kisses you slowly like he has all the time in the world - and you are weak enough for him, so you don't complain, you don't hurry him. To be honest you don't want him to hurry either, you are enjoying the way Vernon is nested between your legs, the way you can feel his weight on your body, and the way that his hands feel against your neck.
The way Vernon touches you makes you feel treasured, makes your heart full, and makes you want to make him feel the same way, and you try your best.
You try when your hands travel to his biceps, squeezing it the way his hands tighten against your hips. You try when your hand goes through his hair when he kisses your neck. You try when Vernon's hands travel under your shirt and you kiss his cheeks because it's the only place you reach.
Vernon doesn't think, and he doesn't try. He just does, and he accepts what you give him.
When Vernon outright grinds on you and you whimper, Vernon accepts it. When your hands claw at his shirt, he accepts, and when he gets off, you take his shirt off and see you doing the same. Vernon thinks that maybe you gonna give him more than he can take.
You don't rush him, you let Vernon watch you, but you feel rushed, so you get up as well, mouth. chasing Vernon's while you take off your bra. 
The way Vernon holds you makes your mind spin. The way his firm body feels against yours, and how his hands feel against your back. And even though you try, Vernon still kisses you slowly.
Vernon holds you when he makes you lie on the bed, "baby lemme just-" he says, giving your hips a small kiss, and opening the button of your pants, when he takes your pants off you can feel his digits traveling against your leg and you are sure he can feel the goosebumps on your skin.
Vernon's fingers close against your ankle, and Vernon brings it against his mouth, "Vern " you try to call him, and you feel dumb enough that you just beg. And Vernon kisses you again, one hand on your chest and the other grabbing your hips.
And you think you can take slow when Vernon is on top of you, legs tangled, his lips now on your neck. Every time your hips move together Vernon hums against your skin and you wish he was naked already. But when Vernon's lips find your chest you can't really complain because you feel so lost, he takes one of your nipples in your mouth, and he gives attention to the other one too, taking your nipple between two fingers and toying with it
When Vernon releases your breast with a pop you remember to call him, "Vern please"
"What?" He says hands toying with your panty line, digits hot against your hips.
"Your pants," you say, feeling your mouth dry, body buzzing.
"Oh right," Vernon says and you already feel remorseful when Vernon detaches his body from yours. 
You try to reach Vernon with your hands, palms against his skin, on his chest, on his abs, on his thighs. Everywhere - trying to placate the lack of the feeling of his body against yours. 
When Vernon finishes getting his pants off he holds your head, hand against your nape and jaw and he kisses you, and you feel a little better thinking he suffered like you did in those milliseconds that your bodies have been apart from each other.
And Vernon did, and when he stops to look at you, to really look, tracing his thumb against your mouth and you open just enough for your tongue to lap at his digit Vernon thinks he is going crazy. 
God, you are just so pretty on his bed, hair messy, trails of his kiss against your skin. Vernon knows he is so fucking lucky, and if he could he would stop the time, he would treasure every second - he would go so fucking slow he would make the clock go backward. You, however, don't really care, you just touch Vernon, hand under his underwear giving his dick a few pumps while Vernon's hands leave an imprint on your ribcages.
Vernon helps you a little, one hand on your hips and another one lowering his underwear, his dick finally free. When Vernon looks down, he can see how red his skin is - a blush coloring his chest, he can also see how your thumb just goes smoothly against his cockhead and Vernon thinks he might go insane.
"Do you need to-" Vernon asks while trying to return the feeling, hand going to your clothed pussy, pressing against it and making you whimper.
"No, no, I am ok," You say, almost in a way to make Vernon hurry up, "You can just fuck me."
"Yeah yeah ok," Vernon says, and you can feel the way his dicks enters you while Vernon's tongue lick his lips.
Vernon fucks you slowly, body pressed against yours, one of his hands holding your head - almost pressing you against his, his lips never leaving your cheek. And it is almost excruciating - the way Vernon fucks you, so slowly and yet so fucking good.
You try to tell him in the way your hands hold his neck, the way you feel his shoulder blades under your hands, the way you want to touch the expanses of his back. 
It's good, and you could live like that - in Vernon's warm embrace. But you are feeling desperate enough so you just beg, "Vern, faster", and not a second late Vernon is fucking you harder. He picks himself up, knees on the bed, holding your legs on the side of his waist. And god he hits you so deep, you just need a little more.
"Fuck you are so hot," Vernon says almost there when he sees your hand toying with your clit.
"I am so close," You say to him and you can feel how his hands tighten against your thighs, how he picks up his pace, how he fucks you harder.
And then it washes over you, and it hits Vernon - because of the way he continues to fuck you after it, but then you can feel his body against yours, his mouth chasing yours, and you just laugh between kisses because yeah, Vernon is a lazy kisser, that just how he is, but goddamn you love it.
In that weekend Vernon makes a ritual of kissing you, he kisses you every time he can really, but he makes a point of stealing a kiss before the free practice - in his motorhome. He does it again before the race, he ends up in second place. He kisses you again when you jump at him saying that he is the best - and he wants to argue because he just ended in second place, but it's you so he just takes it.
When Vernon is showered, clean, and not sticky from champagne he sees you sleeping in his horrible motorhome bed, and he just can't let you - you guys have a flight to catch.
"Hey, come on let's go home, Seb is missing you," Vernon says trying to wake you up.
531 notes · View notes
lowkeychenle · 2 months
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Is It Over Now? [ZCL/PJS] (M)
Description: Your relationship with Chenle is nothing but fight after fight. Amidst the toxicity, infidelity comes into play--except you're determined to one up him...but is it ever truly over?
A/N: this is inspired by Taylor Swift's Is It Over Now? and I highly recommend listening to it because omg...but also...keep in mind this poll and this poll determined the trajectory of this fic LOL
Genre: Smut/Angst
Content Warnings: This is very dirty idk y'all i'msosorry...but basically content warnings are infidelity (both reader & chenle, explicit on reader's part), some very crazy arguments (there are no physical fights but these can be triggering), explicit, unprotected sex, orgasm denial, use of pet names: baby, pretty girl, slut, whore (once maybe), and any variation of those. Buckle up y'all, this one is kinda crazy. Also kinda open ended sawry
Word Count: 11,198
Taglist: @nominsgirl @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @chezziy
Pairing: Zhong Chenle x fem!Reader | Park Jisung x fem!Reader
Juliet's Masterlist | Tell me what you think? :)
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You know exactly where everything went wrong.
It’s what led you to the current situation you’re in—on top of one of your boyfriend’s closest friends with his hands all over you. Anger burns in your bones, and if you were capable of it any longer, you’d be crushed to dust at this point.
The roll of your hips causes a curse to fall from Jisung’s mouth. He grips your ass, the rough fabric of your jeans catching on his nails. The man under you is just as pissed as you are, and some sick form of revenge clouds both of your brains. He sinks his teeth into your bottom and tugs. If you’d felt at all guilty when you started this, it’s long gone now.
At least you and Jisung won’t be caught together in public.
“He’s a fucking idiot,” Jisung hisses under his breath as you continue to grind on him.
You chuckle. “I know. It’s not the fucking first time either.”
He pulls away from you, eyebrows furrowed as he looks at you. The passion has all but melted from his face, but both of you are left panting.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asks.
“I thought you knew.” The last thing you wanted was for this to be an emotional encounter, and if you let yourself think of how you trusted your boyfriend again after the first time he cheated, resentment will turn to pain. No. You fucking refuse.
“I would’ve told you,” Jisung continues, hand sliding up from your ass to the small of your back. “You really think I would’ve kept that from you?”
“All due respect, Jisung, but I’m not looking for a heart-to-heart right now.”
His jaw tightens, and the care resounds in his eyes, but he nods and reaches up to grip the back of your neck. He kisses you harder this time, his tongue dancing with yours as he starts unbuttoning your shirt. The fabric is silky against your skin, and feeling him so close to you has your fragmented heart racing in your chest and chills spiraling down your spine.
“Hurry up,” you tell him. “He’ll be home soon.”
In response, he tugs instead, and the remaining buttons pop open before he pushes your blouse off your shoulders. You have a clear view of the door this way, where you and Jisung sit at the edge of your bed. Climbing off his lap, you shuffle out of your jeans. You watch as Jisung takes his own off, the prominent bulge of his length straining against his boxers.
A swirl of doubt punches you in the gut, and for a moment, you’re winded. Does the hurt Chenle caused you justify this? Should you be choosing this route instead of just leaving?
“You can change your mind,” Jisung says, shuffling closer to the edge.
Snapping out of it, you shake your head and straddle his lap. His bottom lip is taken between his teeth as you grasp his length, freeing it from its confines. A haze takes over his eyes, his hips lifting into your fist.
You move your panties aside and line him up with your entrance. He inhales sharply.
“Fuck, hold on.” He grips your hips. “It might hurt if you don’t let me—”
“Promise you it can’t be any fucking worse than what I’m already going through.” You pause. “Condom? I’m clean and on birth control, so it’s up to you.”
“I’m clean, too.” He nods. “Raw is fine. Good.”
You laugh at the awkwardness, but begin your descent anyway. A moan gets caught in your throat as you struggle to fit him further. Your walls pulse around his cock, and an exhilarating adrenaline makes you feel higher than you’ve ever been. This life wasn’t what you imagined.
You never thought your boyfriend would be capable of sleeping with anyone else, and neither did you think you would be. Yet, here you are, following in Chenle’s footsteps. Jisung was probably a shitty move on your part. At least Chenle wasn’t fucking your friends, but you wanted to make sure he felt your pain—if he’ll even care at all.
Once he’s completely inside you, you grip onto his shoulders, your body trembling. To ease you, he reaches down and thumbs your clit. He kisses your neck, nudging one of your bra straps down your arm. You let out a sigh of pleasure, rolling your hips.
“Yeah, he’s fucking stupid.” Jisung hums into your skin, squeezing your ass. “You…fuck, you feel good.”
“Hope it was all worth it for him,” you mumble, slowly starting to lift your hips up.
He assists you in your pace, an arm around your waist to help. After a few moments, the awkward stretch becomes pleasure. You curse under your breath and pick up your pace, eyes rolling back as he thrusts up to match you.
Each movement of his is punctuated by short, low groans, and your entire being tingles from how deep he is inside you, how this is somehow a signal of your freedom. His tip presses against your cervix and you cry out.
Jisung slaps your ass, and the desperate tug inside you to speed up becomes too much to ignore. In your delirium, you almost miss Chenle standing in the doorway. Maybe you’re imagining it, but as you fuck yourself on Jisung’s cock, you stare right at him, a weak laugh escaping your lips.
You roughly tangle your fingers in Jisung’s hair—something you know drives Chenle crazy when you do it to him—and tug him up to kiss you, moving your hips faster. The other man’s presence just spurs you forward.
Jisung’s fingers connect with your clit again, and your broken moan and blurry vision almost make you miss the way Chenle’s jaw tightens. Your orgasm takes you by surprise, slamming you into a wall of pleasure as you spasm on top of Jisung. Right before your eyesight fails you completely, you see Chenle walk away.
Jisung spills inside you, coating your walls with white. You kiss him hard, panting as you lift yourself off him. He’s dazed, but eventually settles himself back in his boxers before getting up for his jeans. You redress, knowing full well Chenle’s waiting in the kitchen. It’ll most likely be an argument, but you can’t help the adrenaline flowing through your veins at the thought.
Jisung is still blissfully unaware Chenle’s in the house, so when he pulls you in for a kiss, you sigh. You grab his hand and lead him out of your bedroom, and the sight of the other man gripping the counter makes him freeze.
Chenle downs the rest of whatever’s in his cup—it’s safe to assume what the bronze liquid is as he swallows and cringes. He doesn’t look at either of you.
“You should go.” Glancing at Jisung, you catch the worried gleam in his gaze.
“Will you be okay?” he asks.
“The fuck does that mean?” Chenle snaps. “Get the fuck out, Jisung.”
“Call me if you need me.” Jisung hesitantly leaves your side, and once the door closes behind him, you slide your hands in the back pockets of your jeans.
“Really?” Chenle finally breaks the silence. “You could’ve picked anyone, and you fuck Jisung?”
“That’s what you’re mad about?” You snort and walk over to the fridge to grab a water bottle. Untwisting the cap, you turn back to Chenle, unaccustomed to his glare being directed at you. “What? It’s okay for you to fuck anyone you want, but when I do it, it’s wrong?”
“What the fuck are you talking about? I don’t fuck anyone but you.”
“You really think I didn’t see that?” You shake your head, anger bubbling in the pit of your stomach. “There were pictures, you dumbass. And now I can’t even act like I’m ignorant. I can’t act like you love me anymore, Chenle. Be serious right now.”
“Oh, right, because being seen with a girl has to mean I’m fucking her, yeah?” He runs his fingers through his hair. “You’re just insecure, (Y/N), and I can’t fucking help you with that. Did you think fucking Jisung would make me want you more? May as well add crazy to the list, too.”
Under different circumstances, you know those words would kill you. They’d be like bullets fragmenting in your heart, but today? For some reason, everything shut off. You don’t want him anymore, and your irritation sparks at the base of your spine.
“You putting this on me is fucking hilarious.” Your voice is sharp, and you hope you return his bullets as knives.
“We’re fucked.” He pours more liquor into his glass, a scowl on his face as he downs it. “Are you kidding me? I make a mistake one time, and you go out of your way to screw my friend? Did you think you could hurt me or something?”
“Don’t know.” You shrug.
“The sooner you admit we were over long before I ever slept with anyone else, the easier it’ll be for both of us. You’re being a child by inviting Jisung over here.” His grip on the counter tightens.
And just like that, something inside you snaps.
“You did this, Chenle. You fucked up, you ruined everything, you are a piece of shit.” You jab your finger in his direction. “At least I had the decency not to get caught in public. You don’t even care at all. Not even a little bit. And it’s so fucking frustrating because I do everything for you.”
“Bullshit,” he says.
“Was it over when you brought that girl here? Was it? Because you cried and begged for me to stay. You said it was a mistake, and you’d never be able to love anyone the same way you love me. You really think it was over, Chenle? Then what the fuck are you still doing here?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You fucking did it again!” you yell, hands tugging at your hair. “You want me to be the bad guy so bad, but all of this is on you. The blame is on you. You’re the one that can’t keep it in your pants. What are you searching all these beds for, huh? You want something better than me?”
“Fuck,” he shouts, hand swiping across the counter.
Time slows as his palm comes in contact with his glass, as he sends it flying into the cabinet, as it shatters beneath his force. How fucking ironic you relate to it.
Your chest heaves, your heart twisting harshly. How did you get here? How did love turn into something so fucking awful, you can’t stand looking at him? The silence is deafening after the shards scatter onto the floor.
The visceral reaction you get surprises even you. You tilt your head back, your body shaking with laughter.
“You’re so pathetic.” Tears well in your eyes, but the laughs cause you to run out of air. You grip onto the counter. “I fucking hate you. I hate you.”
“(Y/N), I’m—”
“Sorry?” Another bout of giggles passes through your lips. “I don’t care. Don’t you get that now? I hate you and I don’t fucking care what you have to say.”
“Baby, don’t—”
“You said it was over, Chenle. Is it over now? Because I’m done…I’m so done, and I don’t want to look at you anymore. Get the fuck out of my house, and I never want to see you again. I fucking mean it.”
“I’m sorry. Please don’t do this. She didn’t mean anything, and I know Jisung doesn’t mean anything to you, either.” He steps closer to you, glass crunching beneath his feet.
“Should’ve thought about that before you did it again. Leave.” After a few moments of him standing there like a statue, you shout, “Get the fuck out!”
Your throat is raw from yelling, and you’re halfway certain he’s not going to listen to you. He doesn’t usually, but as bad as your fights have gotten, they haven’t quite been this bad. With thousands of emotions written across his face like poetry, he brushes his shirt off and storms past you, slamming the door behind him without one glance back.
Your heart pounds in your chest, each thump hurting more than the last. Nausea takes you by storm, and you’d collapse if you weren’t leaning on the counter for support. You don’t even know who to call. Nobody you know takes care of you better than Chenle does after moments like these, and as your shortness of breath takes over full swing, you turn and sink down to the floor.
But the first step to quitting a drug is to stop supplying it to your bloodstream. To feel the numb of the high seeping away while the pain comes rushing back.
The tears you refused to allow earlier pour down your cheeks, and you drop your head back against the cupboard. Glass gleams next to you, twinkling innocently in the light of your kitchen. Through your blurry vision, it’s almost beautiful—an array of lights in the darkness that plagues your home.
When you grab your phone, you don’t know who’s number you call. You press it to your ear and pray it’s not Chenle.
“(Y/N)?” Jisung’s voice filters through immediately, and it makes your body wrack with another sob.
“Are you far?” you ask, voice thick and warbled.
“Not at all,” he offers instantly. “Do you want me to come back?”
You close your eyes and sniffle. “Please.”
“Okay, I’ll be there in five minutes. Are you okay?” The hint of panic laced in his tone has new tears forming.
“Don’t know.” You wipe your face. “I don’t fucking know.”
However long it takes him to get there, you’re unsure. The next thing you recall, Jisung crouches in front of you, eyes wide with concern. Guilt sinks into your stomach and twists it around, and you look up at him like he’s the key to making you feel better.
“I’m so sorry,” you breathe out. “I’m sorry, Sungie, I don’t know why I did that to you. To him. I—”
“Hey, don’t worry about that right now.” His deep voice resonates in your chest, and it works to calm you slightly. He cups your cheeks and guides you up to make eye contact. “Are you hurt? There’s glass everywhere.”
You shake your head. “He wouldn’t.”
“There are a whole lot of things I thought he wouldn’t do. I have to make sure. Can you stand? Let’s get you away from all this.” He leads you to your feet, bringing you into your bedroom.
A few moments of silence pass as he helps you into your bed.
“Just get some rest, okay?” he whispers, his hands cupping your face.
“Where are you going?” you ask. “Don’t go, please.” You hold onto his wrist as if that’ll keep him with you.
“I’m just gonna clean up your kitchen,” he replies. “I won’t leave unless you want me to.”
You take a deep breath. “Can you stay for a few more minutes? I don’t wanna be alone right now.”
“Whatever you need. I’m here for you.”
You scoot over and glance at the spot next to you, and he obliges with your request. Both of you slide beneath the covers, and you turn to face him before burying your head in his chest. He cradles you closer to him, his warmth calming you slowly.
“Is this okay?” he murmurs.
His heart thumps erratically in his chest as he holds you, but the sound still manages to soothe you.
“Yeah,” you tell him, shuffling closer. “Thank you.”
He hums in response and presses his lips gently against your hairline. There are so many things wrong with your situation and your life, but for once, you feel a real equilibrium. Despite the pain wrenching away at your heart from the weight of Chenle’s absence, you find that all over again with Jisung’s firm grip on you.
Usually, when you and Chenle get into your arguments, the longest he goes without contacting you is two days. You’re now bordering on three and a half weeks, and the thought of him still makes you sick to your stomach. You haven’t heard a single word from him. Hell, you wouldn’t even know if he’s alive.
Jisung has become more of a rock than anything else. He’s equally as disappointed in Chenle as you are at this point, but he makes it a point to stay with you as much as he can. Today, for example, things are quiet. Peaceful. Your few weeks with Jisung have been so…different. You and Chenle couldn’t go more than a few days without an explosive argument, and now you haven’t raised your voice in all this time.
Jisung is soft. Kind, even. He shows you the side of himself you wish Chenle could’ve been before your relationship blew up into smithereens.
Your head rests on his shoulder, his fingers playing with your hair while his eyes are engrossed by the television screen in front of you. The lights are off, the sky is dark, but the gentle blues and greens illuminate the softness of his features.
“Sungie,” you whisper in an attempt to garner his attention.
He turns to you, his eyebrows raised. “Hm?”
“Why are you doing this for me?” you ask. “He’s your best friend.”
“He was.” Jisung nods. “And it sucks. But I’m not going to be friends with someone who treats people who love them like shit. You deserve so much more than that, (Y/N), really. He—what he did was fucked up.”
“I did it, too.” You shrug, fighting the way tears threaten to form in your eyes.
He wets his lips. “Yeah, but only after he did it twice.”
“That makes it okay?”
“No.” Jisung looks down at his lap, his hands fidgeting. “No, it doesn’t. But you were hurting and you retaliated in a way you thought would hurt him back. I would’ve done the same thing in your position.”
“You seriously had no idea what he was doing?” you ask.
“I didn’t have a fucking clue. He knows I would’ve told you immediately.” He sighs.
“Do you care about me?” You tilt your head at him, scanning over his face for any indication of annoyance. Anything that might tip you off that he’ll get angry with you.
He blinks once, a miniscule smile pulling at his mouth. “Of course, I do. I’d do anything for you.”
“Anything?”
He nods.
“Will you…will you kiss me?”
His jaw drops as he flounders for something to say. “That…”
“I’ll be honest with you, Sungie. My relationship with Chenle has been fucked for a really long time. I can’t remember the last time I meant it when I told him I loved him. But…I do. Love him. Miss him. It hurts like hell knowing he’s probably okay right now, with some other girl like I never mattered to him.” You inhale deeply, and your exhale shakes. “He’s all I’ve ever known. I just…want to make sure I can feel. That he didn’t get to keep all of that when he left.”
“And kissing me will do what?” He taps his fingers on his thighs. “What if it just makes you want him more?”
“I can’t. Going back to him is…I can’t do it again. But I need to know I can still function if he’s not the one…” you trail off, deflating entirely. “Nevermind. I’m sorry I asked, okay? I’m being ridiculous.”
You avoid his gaze entirely, staring off in the opposite direction. With Chenle, every touch, every kiss, every intimate moment was a direct result of something negative. It didn’t start that way, but it sure ended up there. Your mouths only met in anger after spewing hate at each other, and you’re not sure what a real, loving kiss feels like anymore.
Jisung reaches up and cups your cheek, directing your gaze back to his. His eyes dip down toward your lips, and your breath catches in your chest. It’s been so long since your heart has fluttered, but he makes it look so damn easy.
“You sure?”
The TV is long forgotten as you nod, your anticipation growing as he draws nearer. You forget to breathe, and once his lips brush yours, you gasp.
You close the last of the distance, the idea of being so close to him—to someone motivating you further. Kissing Jisung is worlds different from kissing Chenle. From the tenderness of his touch to the shape of his lips, not a single thing about him is reminiscent of Chenle. For some reason, disappointment weighs heavily on your chest.
But being with him is better than being alone, and you can’t deny the attraction being there. You remember the way he felt inside you, how he reached spots you didn’t know existed. You tangle your fingers in his hair, groaning against him.
“Jisung.” It comes out more as a whimper than anything else, and he freezes.
“Shit,” he mutters under his breath.
Without another moment of hesitation, you throw your leg over his lap and straddle him, slowly sinking down until you feel him pressed against you. He grasps onto the back of your shirt.
“Are you thinking about it, too?” you ask, leaning in to kiss along his neck.
He gulps, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I probably shouldn’t be.”
“Why not?” You lean back, placing your hands on his shoulders. “Is this weird for you?”
“Um.” He grips your thigh tightly, lips parting as he tries to think of what to say. “Not because of him, if that’s what you mean.”
Your chest tightens at the mention of Chenle, even without his name. Jisung agreed to be with you once, and you’re not sure if he was fueled by any attraction to you at all.
“All I’m saying is that I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for. When I tell you I don’t want to hurt you, I mean it.” He pauses, analyzing you. “C’mon, you’ve gotta know I want you.”
He pulls you closer to him, and your breath hitches when you feel how hard he is.
“I want you. But I need to be sure it’s really me you want.”
Your heart sinks. “Now you mean Chenle.”
“It’s not a bad thing, (Y/N). I get it. You’ve been through a lot with him and you have a bond I might not understand. That’s fine. But if we’re going to start something, it can’t be when you’re confused.” He runs his thumb along your bottom lip, unashamed as he stares at your mouth.
“I’m not confused, Sungie.” You shake your head. “I don’t want him anymore. When I said I was done, I meant it.”
“It’s okay either way. You were with him for a long time. It’s normal to hurt over stuff like this.” Jisung gives you a small smile.
“If you don’t want to right now, we can stop,” you tell him. “But it’s you I want. I promise.”
His fingers weave into your hair, inching you nearer to him. Right before your mouths meet, his gaze meets yours.
“I hope you know how many good things you deserve,” he mutters.
And then he kisses you, the softness of it taking you off guard. You melt into him, and despite hating how you notice the difference between him and Chenle again, you realize you might like this more than what you had before. It’s been so long since the person who was supposed to love you actually cared.
When his tongue meets yours, you sigh and hold onto him. He gets lost in you, hands gripping your hips to guide you back and forth on top of him. Even through layers of clothing, you feel how hard he is.
When a knock sounds on your door, you resolve to ignore it. You don’t care about whatever or whoever’s out there if you have Jisung. He tries to pull away, but you whine.
“Ignore it,” you tell him, your mouth still against his. “Ignore it. Please don’t stop.”
As soon as he kisses you again, a louder rapping noise follows, and you groan, dropping your head on his shoulder.
“You want me to get it?” he asks.
You shake your head, grumbling as you slide off his lap. “I got it.”
Without another word, you ignore the dampness between your legs and head over to your door with one last glance over your shoulder at Jisung. When you open it and see who’s standing outside, you recoil hard.
“What the hell are you doing here?” You’re not sure why you’re even entertaining this at all. Chenle stands before you, his eyebrows pinched together as he formulates his response. As to not alert Jisung of his presence, you keep your voice down.
“It’s been weeks and I haven’t heard from you.” He sighs. “I know we fought, but we never go this long without talking. I miss you.”
You don’t mean to laugh, but you do anyway. “You don’t miss me. I already told you we’re done. And I meant it this time, Chenle. You have to leave.”
“Why aren’t you letting me in?” He snorts. “Be fucking for real, we always end up right where we started. This time isn’t any different.”
“It is, though.” You pause, running your fingers through your hair. “I’m done. Honestly, if I never see you again, I’ll be better off.”
“You don’t really mean that.” He frowns.
“Yes, I do.”
“You can’t get mad at me for what I did when you did the exact same thing. We’ll call it even and start over.” Chenle stops, gaze mapping out every inch of you before he continues. “Why do you look like that?”
“Excuse me? Look like what?”
“Your face is all red, and your hair is messed up—” Whatever interrupts him has irritation creating a scowl on his face.
You’re only confused for a second before an arm wraps around your waist, fingers tapping against your hip. Heart twisting, you gape as you glance between Jisung and Chenle. Nerves eat away at you since you’re not sure what the latter will do, but you grasp onto Jisung’s wrist.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Chenle lets out a short chuckle, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re both fucking insane.”
His words alone are almost enough to make you want to remove yourself from Jisung’s hold, but you know you’re safest right where you’re at.
But seeing Chenle in front of you again for the first time in weeks has you yearning for him. To kiss him, to hear him laugh, to simply just have someone who loves you. You have to keep reminding yourself that he doesn’t. Love hasn’t been in the equation for much too long.
“Let her go.” Chenle practically stares into Jisung’s soul. “See if she still wants you when you’re not holding her away from me.”
Jisung tenses behind you, and the hesitation behind his touch leaving you can only mean one thing—he believes him. He’s worried what Chenle is saying is true. That you’ll never want him in the same way you want Chenle.
Chenle’s gaze, so painfully familiar, settles on yours. Your heart sinks into your stomach as you recognize what this is.
It’s the beginning of the cycle.
It’s how he tricks you into thinking he’ll be better for you.
In his eyes, he begs you to come back to him. He makes you think that maybe, just maybe, he’ll finally be what you’ve wanted him to be. What you needed him to be.
“C’mon, baby, we’ll forget this ever happened. I don’t blame you for being lonely and needing someone. He was just there. I know.”
Through your peripheral vision, you see Jisung’s fist clench at his side. The longer you stay silent, the more nervous the man behind you becomes. Your insides are at war. Not even ten minutes ago, you were sure you wanted Jisung. You had been reassuring him of that.
Now, seeing Chenle again for the first time in weeks, you’re practically weak in the knees. You want him, but not the man you’ve grown used to. You want who he used to be in the beginning—the person who loved you endlessly, who always put you first, who never went out of his way to hurt you in order to make you small enough to want him back.
No.
Because 491 days ago, he broke your heart for the first time. He was never going to admit to you what he did. Instead, he hid it, and the only reason you found out was through a text message that came through when he was showing you something on his phone.
You’re tired of it. Of being hurt and picking up shattered glass when he doesn’t want to be called out for his shitty actions.
“You’re wrong,” you mumble, terrified of the words leaving your mouth. After all, this means he’ll be gone for good. You won’t ever love him again. “Jisung wasn’t just there.”
Chenle recoils, narrowing his eyes. “Right. Because you’re suddenly in love with him, huh?”
“I care about him.” You reach back and grab his hand.
“If you pick him right now, you better be damn sure that’s what you want,” he snaps. “You’re making a huge fucking mistake, (Y/N). He’ll never be me.”
“That’s good. I don’t want him to be.” You shake your head. “I meant it when I said I was done.”
He runs his tongue over his teeth before glaring at Jisung. “You’re fucking dead to me. Some friend you are, trying to steal my fucking girl from me. That was your plan the whole time, wasn’t it? You were just waiting for the opportunity to swoop in and save the day.”
“You did this yourself,” Jisung replies. “She wouldn’t be with me if you were enough for her.”
Your chest tightens, preparing for Chenle to retaliate. You squeeze Jisung’s hand, and his thumb rubs over your knuckles. Over the course of your much too long relationship with Chenle, you quickly came to realize how close he and Jisung were. They were best friends, inseparable, really, and now the only thing stopping them from fighting is you. Right in the middle, you stand between them physically and metaphorically.
Instead, Chenle glances up to the ceiling, a laugh escaping him before he turns around without another word and disappears down the hallway. You slap your hand over your mouth when a shaky breath surpasses your lips, quickly reaching forward to shut the door. You lean against it for a moment, resting your forehead on the wood as Jisung stands silent behind you.
“Are you okay?” he whispers. “That was a lot.”
You don’t say anything. Between the way your heart beats at a hundred miles a minute, how your brain swirls, and how your stomach twists, the only thing you can do is suck in a loud, sharp inhale as you fight the urge to bawl your eyes out.
He moves closer to you, putting his hand on your shoulder. The touch sends a pang through your body, and you have to smack him away. Everything is so overwhelming, and knowing Chenle is gone for good is making you question every choice you’ve ever made leading up to this moment.
Once upon a time, you were convinced he was the love of your life. You were sure things were going to be perfect forever, but God, how far from the truth could you have been?
Jisung stays silent while you regain your composure. He waits patiently, but every little sound is amplified in your ears, so the creak of the wood beneath his feet as he rocks back and forth has everything crashing down around you.
You crumble, but somehow in the midst of it, Jisung’s arm wraps around your waist and tugs you close to him so you don’t fall. Fighting your tears, you clench your eyes shut. Over the years you spent with Chenle, you learned never to show how much something could hurt you. Showing emotion to anyone gives them the opportunity to hurt you, and Chenle took it one too many times.
“It’s okay,” Jisung whispers, sinking to the floor with you. “Tell me what you need. I’m here for you.”
You take a shuddering breath, but instead of saying anything, you turn and bury yourself in Jisung’s chest. His heart pounds in rhythm with yours, but he doesn’t seem outwardly anxious. He talks to you softly in an attempt to guide you. You don’t want to put this burden on him. Even then, all you can think about is Chenle, and how everything is over.
All the effort you put in to overcome the problems he created. Every argument you thought was worth it because maybe this one would lead somewhere. Maybe this breakdown would encourage him to change. Maybe this home you created for him would finally be enough.
It never was, and it never will be. How could it? He’s more interested in keeping you just to say he can. Chenle doesn’t love you, and you don’t love him. At least, you don’t think you do.
“I’m sorry,” you say to Jisung, shaking your head. “I don’t know what’s happening.”
“I know.” He cradles you to his chest. “I know. It’s okay, now. It’s all over.”
But for some reason, that alone hurts more than anything Chenle ever said to you.
More days pass. They turn into weeks, and you honestly start to feel like you’ll be okay. This morning especially when you wake up to the sensation of Jisung’s lips on your neck. He hums against your skin, tongue tracing over your pulse.
You’d been nervous to initiate anything with Jisung again, but last night, one thing led to another, and the two of you ended up in bed with your legs around his waist.
Jisung makes you feel safe. You’re not sure what about that makes you crave him so much, but you easily melt into his touch. Pressing yourself closer to his warmth, you run your fingers through his hair.
“How are you feeling?” His voice is deeper in the morning with a slight rasp to it.
“Never been better.” You’re not lying. Everything with him is peaceful.
His hand moves down your side to squeeze your hip, and further until he’s resting on your thigh.
“Sungie,” you mutter.
“Yeah?”
“If you want something, tell me. Teasing isn’t nice.” You put your hand on top of his.
He chuckles, nipping at the base of your neck. “Maybe I just like touching you.”
“There are innocent places to touch.” You move him toward the apex of your thighs, suppressing a shaky breath. “But let’s forget those exist.”
You feel his smirk on your skin, and when he brushes against your clit, you curse quietly. He hooks his ankle with yours to give himself better access, and he finds your entrance already wet.
“You sure it’s me who wanted it?” He tsks.
You open your mouth to respond, but he slides two of his long fingers inside you. A moan escapes instead, and you feel a rush of heat to your cheeks and between your legs. Your brain is still fogged with sleep, which must mean that’s part of why it feels so fucking good. You fall into the pleasure, gripping the sheets in front of you.
“Can’t think of anything else but you,” he whispers, pumping his hand at a steady pace. “How you sound, how you feel, how you taste. Just you.”
Your eyes clench shut as you relish in the way he makes you feel, his gentle movements making you need him that much more. Rocking your hips, you practically melt into him. Something about the early morning sun and still being tired from the night before has you getting closer and closer without much effort from either of you.
His lips brush your ear. “Feel good, baby?”
Your walls clamp down on him, and you let out a moan in response to his question. Butterflies swarm in your stomach, and while you’re desperate to finish, you also wouldn’t mind sitting here like this forever.
“Jisung,” you whine. “Please.”
He tilts your head back and kisses you hard, his thumb finding your clit as he continues. You cry out into his mouth, back arching at the pleasure swirling around you. Your insides twist and turn and you’re only half-sure you’ll ever come down from this.
Unfortunately for you, the high fades as he guides you through it. Once he pulls out of you, you turn to face him. He brings his fingers up to his mouth, cleaning your arousal off as his eyes flutter shut at your taste.
You push his shoulder until he’s flat on his back, and when you straddle his lap, he stares up at you in awe as the blanket falls from your shoulders. Reaching down, you line him up with your entrance. His lips part, and he sucks in a quick breath.
You sink down slowly, thighs shaking as you allow him to fill you. He curses, his nails digging into your hips. The more you take him, the tighter his grip on you becomes. You missed the feeling of this—of being full and seeing the pleasure you could cause someone else.
Once he’s completely buried inside you, he holds you down by your hips, eyebrows furrowed deeply.
“Don’t move yet,” he mutters, voice thick. “God, are you really gonna make me cum just like this?”
Jisung explores every inch of your body, his hands leaving your hips to squeeze your ass, tracing up until he finds your breasts. His thumbs rub against your nipples, and you jolt, doing your best to refrain from taking him the way you want.
“Can I move?” you ask breathlessly. “Please, Sungie.”
“Yeah.” He nods. “Of course, baby, show me how much you want me.”
You heat up at the sound of that, and when his grip loosens on you, you lift yourself up. The slow drag of him against your walls has you wanting to collapse already. He studies you closely, somewhat amused by your struggle to take him completely.
You move through your sensitivity, sinking back down and swiveling your hips. He thrusts up, and the tip of his cock hits your cervix. You whine, opting to continue your pace. As soon as he’s about to slide out of you, you allow him to fill you all over again.
He matches you, fucking up into you when you’ve already taken him halfway. Sounds of your arousal fill the room while he moves inside you, and he lifts his head to watch where he disappears in you.
You’re numbed by the pleasure, so much so that you’re barely able to hear the moans and quiet praises falling from his lips.
He squeezes your breasts, fingers tweaking your nipples. His eyes are everywhere, entranced by everything you are as you fuck yourself on his cock. A band starts to tighten in your stomach, but all you want is to make him feel good.
You grab one of his wrists, tugging down in the hopes he’ll get the idea. He places his palm flat on your stomach as he makes his way down slowly, slowly, smirking as you whine at him.
“You’re so fucking wet,” he groans, thumbing your clit in perfect circles.
Your pace falters as you feel the euphoria approaching, unable to keep up. He stops, cursing as you clench hard around him. You let out a frustrated moan but opt to keep bouncing on him through your sensitivity.
“Don’t stop,” he commands. “It’s gonna feel better if you keep going.”
“Jisung, please.” Your walls flutter around him, and when he returns to your sensitive bud, you both know it won’t take long at all.
Your orgasm slams into you, but you force yourself to keep moving. Curses leave your mouth in a string as the knot unravels faster than you thought possible. Your walls clench around him. The tremor in your thighs makes it hard to keep moving, but you refuse to stop until he’s done.
He sits up, pulling you flush against his chest as he thrusts up into you. You bury your head in his neck and hold onto him tightly, the cloud of pleasure enough to make you lightheaded.
Once he’s as deep as he can get, he moans and spills inside you. Both of you pant, sweat making your skin stick together. And then his lips are on yours, soft in contrast with all of the overwhelming feelings happening.
His nails gently drag along your spine as he kisses down your neck.
“(Y/N),” he says.
“Hm?” is all you can muster.
“I really, really like you. A lot.” His mouth brushes against your shoulder. “And…this was probably the worst time to say that. But it’s true.”
“I like you, too.”
He doesn’t see your smile, but you feel his.
“No matter what happens,” he says, inhaling deeply. “Just know I won’t let you down, okay?”
“I know, Sungie.” You wrap your arms around him and pull him closer, still attempting to calm down from your whirlwind. “I trust you.”
He flips you over, holding himself up on his elbows while he presses a gentle kiss to your lips. “Gonna clean you up, okay?”
You hum in response, letting out a sigh when he pulls out of you. Waiting for him to return, you don’t move a muscle, instead, closing your eyes and basking in the feeling of warmth he’s left all over your body.
He cleans up the mess between your legs with a towel, and then he’s climbing back into bed next to you. Tugging you close, he scans over your face.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Is it about him?” You force the words out, but the thought of Chenle at a time like this has your stomach twisting in unpleasant ways. It’s better for you when you just…don’t think of him at all. Only then are you able to completely enjoy your time with Jisung.
He chews on his bottom lip, nodding once. “Yeah.”
“Of course, you can. You just can’t get upset at my answers.”
“I won’t.” He pauses, taking a deep breath as he traces his finger down your arm. “Do you miss him?”
“I don’t know.” You shrug. “I mean, I guess a part of me does. But I don’t know if that’s me missing him or the craziness and the pain. Because after a while…”
He squeezes you reassuringly. “It’s okay.”
“After a while, the pain starts to…feel normal. Good, even. Like I trained myself to crave the dysfunctional shit we did. In my mind, I thought all couples fought the same way we did. And everyone says fighting is normal, and if you’re not, you don’t really care about the relationship. So, in some sick, twisted way, I saw those arguments as us just…loving each other. Loudly.”
“I’m sorry he did that to you,” Jisung replies. “It’s not right.”
“It wasn’t just him, Sungie. It was me, too. C’mon, I literally asked you to help me because I thought it would hurt him.” You laugh at yourself, but ultimately, the conversation tears the barely healed wound in your heart open all over again.
“Sounds like he pushed you there.”
“I still made that decision. I could’ve been the bigger person and kept my hands clean,” you explain.
“Do you regret it?” he asks, a genuine fear laced in his gaze. “Do you still want him?”
Your hesitation has his fear twisting into hurt, but his face doesn’t change. It’s just the emotions swirling in his brown eyes that give you any indication of his feelings.
“Listen to me,” you murmur, cupping his cheek and rubbing your thumb over his skin. “I don’t regret it. Do I wish we started this in a different way? Yeah, I do. But what’s done is done, and I don’t think it would change anything for me and him.”
He places his hand over yours. “I won’t pretend like I understand, because I’ve never been in that kind of situation before. I just can’t believe he would fucking do something like that. To you of all people.”
“Sungie, I’m not perfect.” You give him a tiny smile. “I’ve said and done things I shouldn’t have. Regardless of everything else, this was the ultimate betrayal, wasn’t it? He might have done it first, but I’m with you. It isn’t just sex.”
“This isn’t your fault.”
“Maybe not. But I don’t think it’s just his, either. We fell apart long before he ever cheated in the first place.” Tears well in your eyes, and you shake your head. “I don’t wanna talk about him anymore.”
He kisses your forehead, tugging you to his chest. “That’s okay. Let’s spend all day right here, okay?”
You nod. “I’d love that.”
Your first mistake of the day was leaving your house. You’re not sure what spurred you into going out to get takeout considering all of the leftovers you have in your fridge, but life is clearly too short to worry about semantics. Your sunglasses block the sun out of your eyes, and as you push the door to the restaurant open, you place them on top of your head instead.
You don’t notice at first. After all, you’re starving and Jisung is at his own house tonight, so the only thing you’re focused on is ordering your food so you can eat.
You tell the nice lady your order, and when you’re done, you feel eyes on you—a prickly feeling beginning at the base of your spine that slowly weaves its way up each vertebrae until you find yourself turning around against your will.
In an instant, your hunger is replaced with an ache that has your stomach twisting and curling. Chenle meets your gaze, sitting at the table in the far corner. Your lungs refuse to fill when you also recognize that he’s not alone. A girl sits across from him, and her back faces you. She seems too engrossed in the story she’s telling Chenle to realize he’s no longer listening to her. He’s honed in on you, on how stiff you’re standing at the mere sight of him.
You’re not with him anymore. Of course, he’s free to see any girl he wants now. Why are you so upset? You’ve got Jisung. There’s no need for you to feel this way, to feel how your heart beats painfully slow, threatening to stop altogether at the thought of his hands on her the same way he used to touch you.
At least you two aren’t together this time, right?
At least he’s not betraying your trust, your love, and your soul simply because he’s bored, right?
The lump in your throat is impossible to swallow past, and now all you want is to run home and never be seen again. Your appetite has diminished, and you feel yourself reverting back into who you were with him.
Whatever’s going on inside you is exactly the same as the two times you caught him while you were together.
You’re not over him. For some fucking reason, you still want him.
You curse under your breath, but you’re unable to pull your gaze away from his. Much to your surprise, he doesn’t look smug at all, but like he’s admiring you. As if he misses you, and whatever void he’s been trying to fill is just…perpetually empty.
The lady clearing her throat catches your attention. She hands you your bag, and you thank her and quickly depart the restaurant without a second glance at Chenle. While you refuse to let yourself cry, you can’t stop thinking about him even after you’ve been home for an hour. Your food remains untouched, and you pace around your kitchen like everything bad Chenle has ever done has dissipated into thin air.
You know exactly how this is going to play out. There’s no way in hell he’s not going to reach out to you, and you’re not strong enough to turn him away now. Even when you have Jisung, who has done nothing but be perfect to you, you just can’t fucking get out of this trap.
You should call Jisung. Tell him what happened and that you need him, but you don’t. There’s a sneaking suspicion that floods through your bones when you realize you don’t want to. Calling him means he’ll prevent you from talking to Chenle, and then Chenle will go back to whoever that girl is and do everything you like to her.
You curse under your breath, grasping onto the edge of the counter.
Will Jisung ever be enough for you?
Is peace…arbitrary? Redundant? Is it not what you want?
The whole time you were with Chenle, it’s what you craved. Stability, peace, love. Three things you never got, and now you have them. But it’s not the same with Jisung. You don’t want those things with anyone but Chenle, but at the same time, silence is unbearably loud. Louder than any of the times you’ve yelled at Chenle or vice versa.
In chaos, you flourish. Maybe…maybe, you’re unable to function without chaos. Perhaps that’s what keeps you alive, your gears turning, and your life harmonious.
How the fuck does that work? Is this all you’re good for?
Just like you predicted, a knock sounds at your door. With your palms sweating, you check through the peephole first, and your suspicions are confirmed. Chenle stands there, waiting for you to let him in.
You have two choices here.
You could ignore him. Leave him standing alone in your apartment complex’s hallway like the dumbass he is, floundering for your attention. You could choose Jisung, the peace and tranquility you know is suitable for the long term.
Or…
Or you could have him again. You could complete yourself in the only way you know how. Maybe the cycle will end this time. He’s been without you for so long, he might have learned his lesson.
It’s not even a fucking competition in your brain.
You unlock the door, confronting him face-to-face—alone—for the first time since you left him. Or made him leave, is more like it.
He doesn’t leave time for awkwardness or pleasantries. Instead, he launches himself forward, his hands cupping your cheeks as he smashes his lips to yours. In his grasp, you’re absolutely pliant, melting right into him just like you’ve done every other time before.
You moan into his mouth, fingers grasping at the fabric of his shirt. Too much time has passed already, so the last thing you want is to wait any more. The kiss is messy, rough in a way that has your teeth clashing together and tongues wrestling for dominance.
Jisung is great. Jisung is nice, but he’s not Chenle.
Chenle’s not scared of being rough, of the messiness you’ve craved without him.
“Hi, baby,” Chenle murmurs, pulling his shirt over his head before dipping back down to kiss along your neck. “I fucking missed you.”
You’re ashamed of how the feelings of uncertainty have turned into lust. It sends heat throughout your entire body, and you hate how damp you feel between your legs already.
“S’okay.” He nips against your pulse. “I know you missed me, too. Don’t waste that pretty little voice on words when I could make you moan instead.”
Much to his surprise, you push him back, chest heaving as you allow your gaze to rake over him. Unfortunately for you, you’ve never been attracted to anyone the way you are with Chenle. Even his mistreatment of you isn’t enough to make that fade.
Without hesitation, you pull your T-shirt off and toss it across the room. The next thing you know, he’s moving forward again, turning you around and pushing your stomach against the island. The chill has you pushing back against him, but it’s nothing compared to how hot every inch of your skin is.
“How many times?” he asks, grinding against your ass as he unbuttons your jeans and unzips them.
“What?” You’re unable to concentrate on anything except how close his fingers are to where you need them most.
He kisses your shoulder before nudging your bra strap down. Moving to the other, he repeats his action. “How many times have you fucked Jisung?”
“Chenle, I—”
“Don’t lie to me, slut. Tell me how many times you screwed my best friend.”
Your eyes nearly roll back. “Four. Five. I don’t know.”
“Are we fucking even now? That’s what you wanted, huh? A little bit of adventure because I fucked up?” His fingers close in around the sides of your neck. “You got it, baby. Don’t you ever…ever fuck him again, got it? Only I get you.”
You clench your thighs together, and a whimper gets caught in the back of your throat. At this point, you’d tell him anything to get him to touch you. And despite Jisung being the topic of conversation, he’s the last damn thing on your mind.
His breath fans across your ear, and through gritted teeth, he says, “If you want to cum tonight, you better fucking agree with me.”
“I won’t.” You quickly shake your head and force the words out through his grip on your throat. “Don’t want anyone else touching me but you.”
As a reward, his hand slips into your jeans. His fingertips connect with your clit through your panties, and your hips jolt.
“He can’t be doing a good job if you’re still so wet for me.” Chenle tsks. “I warned you he could never be me.”
You whine in response, grinding down onto his touch for more stimulation.
“What was it you said?” His circles on your bud are achingly slow.
“Chenle, please—”
“That’s not it.” He stops rubbing you, moving to take his hand out of your jeans.
“No, no.” You push his wrist down. “Fuck, I said I didn’t want him to be you. Please don’t stop.”
You feel his smirk against your skin as he returns to his slow, pleasure-filled torture. He rolls his hips, pressing his hard, straining cock against your ass. The counter digs almost uncomfortably into your midriff, but you couldn’t possibly care at a time like this. He leans back a bit to unclasp your bra, and while both of you are distracted with that, his hand moves inside your panties, tracing along your entrance before slowly sliding two fingers in.
You grip the edge of the counter, pushing back to tell him how much you need him. As soon as your bra falls to the floor, he’s pulling out of you, trailing his sticky fingers up your body until he reaches your breasts. He squeezes you, caging you in his grasp, his chest against your back as he uses your arousal to wet your nipples before he rubs his thumbs over them. 
Your back arches and your head falls back against him, quiet moans spilling from your lips at his slow pace. Every inch of you is on fire, and you crave him way too much for your own good.
“You’re so fucking pretty, baby,” he hums, and while his hands pleasure your tits, you can’t help but wish it was his mouth. His tongue is sinful, and you want all he has to offer.
When you rub your thighs together, you whine at the friction, your body sensitive from your need.
“Bet you just wanna be bent over and fucked like the little slut you are, huh?” He chuckles darkly. “I’m gonna fuck you so good, you’re gonna forget your own name.”
He pushes your jeans down your thighs, but doesn’t get them past your knees. His hand slides back into your panties, and two of his fingers are back inside you in record time. You sigh in relief, rocking against him to encourage him to hurry up.
This time, he moves fast, the palm of his hand hitting your throbbing clit with every thrust. You can’t contain your moans, grinding to get more stimulation on your bud.
Unfortunately for you, Chenle knows your body just as well as you do. Right when your walls start to clamp down as a warning sign of your impending orgasm, he removes his touch. You curse, whining like a child at the feeling of being left hanging.
He brings his hand up to your face. “Suck.”
You don’t hesitate. You take his fingers into your mouth, collecting your slick from them and swirling your tongue to make sure you get all of it. Hollowing your cheeks, you allow your eyes to roll back at the taste and how all it does is arouse you further. He slowly pulls them away from you, and an obscene pop follows.
“Did he make you this wet?” Chenle asks. “Tell me who’s better.”
“You,” you say quickly.
“Why?” he continues. “What did my slut learn after having her fun? Hm?”
“H-He’s too nice.” Your face burns, embarrassment creeping through every inch of your body. “Never like this for him.”
Chenle’s hand finds the middle of your shoulder blades and pushes you flat against the counter. You shiver in anticipation, pushing back against him. He rips your panties down, and a sharp slap on your ass has your hips jolting.
“Dripping like the little whore you are,” he scolds you, hitting the other cheek, too. “Gonna make a mess all over the kitchen, baby.”
“Lele, please—”
“Oh, now you wanna act like that, huh?” He unbuckles his belt, the metal clinking together. “You really think nicknames will make me go easy on you?”
“Don’t want you to,” you reply, letting your forehead drop against the granite.
He presses his fingertips against your clit, spreading your arousal around as he rubs fast circles. Your legs are weak and shaking, and your need for release and the arousal soaking your thighs only serve to add to your embarrassment.
“Such a pretty pussy.” He sucks in a deep breath. “No wonder he wanted to steal you from me.”
You arch your back to give him better access, moans spilling past your lips as you grind into his touch. “Chenle, please. Please let me cum. It feels so good.”
“You close?” He contemplates, his other hand massaging your ass.
“So fucking close,” you confirm. “Please.”
“Mm,” he murmurs, circling you faster. “You do sound fucking beautiful when you cum.”
For a moment, you believe he’ll actually let you finish. You build and build, hips frantically moving, but almost like he knows you’re one last rub away from shattering, he pulls away. Your whine turns into a loud moan when he slaps your clit hard.
“You don’t deserve it yet, baby. You don’t get to cum unless it’s on my cock. Understood?”
You're near tears at this point, panting in the aftermath of being denied your orgasm again. Chenle shuffles behind you, and the rest of his clothes hit the floor. He curses under his breath, and you close your eyes, imagining him with his fingers gripping his cock, unable to stop his hips from bucking into his fist.
“You won’t like what happens if you cum without permission, pretty girl.” He rubs the head of his cock along your folds to collect your arousal. “Soaking me already and I’m not even inside.”
He allows his tip to enter you just enough to begin a stretch. Your breath catches in your throat, and you try your best to stop yourself from pushing back until he’s all the way in.
The words escaping you are no longer coherent, but that seems to spur him forward more than anything else. He lands another smack on your ass, but before you even react to that, he thrusts himself in completely until his balls press against your clit.
Your eyes roll back as you let out an obscene, long moan. You move your hips to stimulate your throbbing bud, but he tightens his grip on you to keep you still. He pulls out slowly, lewd noises following.
“Hear that?” He lets out a breathy chuckle. “This pussy is mine. Fuck.”
“Only yours,” you agree.
When he starts thrusting, it wreaks havoc on your body. You're already seconds away from an orgasm considering how many you’ve been denied, but you do your best to listen to him. His skin slaps against yours as he quickens his pace to an almost impossible speed. You’re lost in bliss, walls pulsing around him. All you want is to finish, and hopefully he’ll allow it soon.
His moans mix with yours, and the longer the two of you are connected, the higher pitched his become. His nails dig into you while he pulls you back with every thrust forward. The tip of his cock slides right into your spot, and the entire world tilts on its axis.
You practically scream out a chorus of pleas, begging him to allow you to finish as his length rubs against your inner walls perfectly. The world around you becomes blurry, and you can’t be certain, but you’re pretty sure you’re fucking drooling.
“Do you deserve it?” He curses under his breath. “Answer me. Do you deserve to cum?”
You shake your head, brain too foggy to comprehend fully. “I need it. Please.”
He doesn’t say anything else. Instead, he reaches around your legs and finds your clit with ease. All it takes is a brush of his fingertips to have you catapulting into your orgasm. Your walls clamp down on him hard, and his rhythm is thrown off. He refuses to stop until you’re through it, thrusting through the tightness.
When he pulls out abruptly, you whine.
“On your knees.” He pants, pulling you up and turning you toward him. “Hurry the fuck up, slut. On your fucking knees and suck my cock.”
You don’t need any help dropping to the ground, your legs weak anyway. Glancing up at him, you waste no time in wrapping your hand around him. He twitches in your grasp, and instead of teasing him, you start taking him in your mouth. He’s heavy on your tongue, achingly hard, and cutting off your air supply the deeper you take him into your throat.
“Don’t stop, baby.” He gathers your hair up into a makeshift ponytail, guiding you along his cock.
You follow his commands, a surge of pride welling in your chest when his hips involuntarily thrust. Peering up at him through your lashes, you’re surprised to see his phone in his hand. He’s recording you. It does nothing but make you bob your head faster, desperate to please him.
“Fuck, my little slut sucks cock so good,” he hisses, throwing his head back. “Wanna cum all over your face.”
You moan, the vibration making him gasp. He yanks your head back.
“Open your mouth,” he commands.
You do as he says, and before he even has to tell you, you stroke him until strings of white shoot from his tip. He moans, tilting your head up by your chin to see you painted in his cum.
You use your tongue to catch what landed on your lips, awaiting his next request. His chest heaves as he stares at you. He swipes your cheek with his thumb, and you take the initiative of taking it into your mouth.
He tosses his phone on the counter, gently helping you to your feet. “You okay?” he asks, voice much softer.
You nod timidly, the cloud slowly lifting from your brain. “I’m okay.”
“Did I hurt you?” He grabs one of the dish towels on the counter and uses it to wipe the remainder of his release off your face.
“No.” You shake your head, confusion sinking in when he helps you remove your clothes all the way instead of redressing you.
“Good. Let’s go shower, baby. I’ll clean you up.”
Your heart twists in your chest, but you allow him to intertwine your fingers and lead you into the bathroom. You’ve missed him so much, and no matter how much you fought, it would always end like this—with some sort of sexual make up to let out pent up aggressions, and then he took such good care of you.
Why couldn’t he be like that all the time?
Once you're beneath the warm water, he pulls you to his chest, cradling the back of your head as he presses his lips gently on yours. For a moment, you forget the rest of the world. Finally, the puzzle feels as if it’s been pieced back together.
You pull away first, scanning over his face, noting how the water makes his hair stick flat to his forehead. Smiling, you run your fingers through it to push it back. He gulps, gaze softer than you’re used to as he holds you close.
“(Y/N), I’m…” He pauses. “I love you. Don’t leave me like that again.”
You don’t hesitate to nod. Cupping his cheek, you run your thumb along his skin. “I love you, too. I’m not going anywhere.”
Chenle washes your hair, gently lathers your body with soap, and presses soft kisses on your skin. These are the moments you miss. The ones where he shows you he loves you, that he cares. You want to live in these moments forever, but it’s normal that they don’t last.
All couples fight. All couples retaliate at each other.
The two of you aren’t above it, clearly, but the most important thing is that he’s here with you now…right?
It doesn’t matter if he’s strayed before. He always comes back to you.
This time will be different. You feel it in your bones.
Once you’re done in the shower, he helps dry you off and massages your shoulders. It doesn’t matter how much time passes—you’ll always be his. He takes care of you. He loves you.
When you’re completely dry, the two of you climb right into bed. He pulls you to him, kissing all over your face despite how clearly tired he is.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, voice strained. “For everything, (Y/N). We’re gonna be better this time. I promise.”
You’ve learned to be weary of his promises, but that doesn’t mean you don’t hope he means it.
“I’m sorry, too.” You kiss the base of his neck. “Fighting fire with fire is never the right answer.”
His breathing evens out before yours, and you stare up at your ceiling, deep in thought. Everything is overwhelming, but one thing settling inside you has your heart shattering just like the glass Chenle carelessly swiped off the counter.
You’re with Jisung. You told Jisung you wanted him, that you wanted to see where things went, but here you are, back with Chenle.
You’ve become everything you hated Chenle for being.
What the fuck do you tell Jisung?
148 notes · View notes
lains-reality · 10 months
Text
some ideas if you want to test how far you can go
obviously you are limitless, but you need to see how far you can go yourself, lester had the motto of 'i only know that which i can do' and asked 'what can i do?' since why not go all the way? not out of obligation or fear, but to see how much you can maximise your peace and joy! do it for the truth!
almost all of these require mindfulness as you need to be able to catch yourself in the moment of the mind's chatter - that you can get through being in the present moment (read eckhart tolle's practicing the power of now). infact your whole life will be based on the present moment, and not being in it makes it infinitely harder so please read the book.
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whoever i expected something from: give to myself 
before you do this: go here! (getting to a state of neutrality first might make this easier)
this one is to think back on a person that you don't like, now think abt whether you expected something from them. did you want them to act a certain way? now, whatever peace, love, security that you think they were meant to give you, feel that yourself
and even if it was someone that is meant to give you those things, you will need to release your hatred of them and give them up. you don't need to forgive them right now, but you will soon when you won't care much of their impact on your life and when you see that everybody is acting off insane levels of fear. i released my hatred of someone who is literally meant to take care of me and now i don't care abt them, i used to hate having any contact with them but now i can talk to them and not have my mind run 50 miles an hour. also! they called me to say that they're working on themself & will repair what they did
just keep doing that and going back to other people until you feel no more obligation to care abt what they did! this is (one way to) how you become free of attachment to people, and less anger
astral projection
pretty self explanatory, just try ap, it'll make you see you're not your body
for this i'd definitely see how far i could travel and for how long
‘No matter what happens, I will create no more pain for myself.  I will create no more problems.’
this one is to affirm this at the start of your day and surrender all trouble and control, just this one day (or longer) you'll let yourself have no problems
throughout the day you can remind yourself, when you are getting wound up, that today you've given up troubles and problems
this requires mindfulness - that you can get through being in the present moment (read eckhart tolle's practicing the power of now)
‘Am i willing to live (in a world) with no problems?’
this is just a question to be used for self-inquiry, meditation, an affirmation, whatever
‘What would i do if there were no others?’
same as the last question
no input
no music, no books, no overconsumption, no anything
just like a dopamine detox?
this one might be hard too (and maybe a bit useless, but try it?)
‘From here on, i have everything i need as i need it’
this one is to affirm this at the start of your day and surrender all trouble and control, just this one day (or longer) you'll let yourself have everything you need
throughout the day you can remind yourself, when you are getting wound up, that today you've given up worrying, anticpation of the worst and projecting into the future
this requires mindfulness - that you can get through being in the present moment (read eckhart tolle's practicing the power of now)
remove time - stop living through memory and anticipation
"Time and mind are inseparable. Remove time from the mind and it stops - unless you choose to use it. To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation." - eckhart tolle, practising the power of now, pg. 31
self explanatory again, just remove time lol
idk you gonna have to figure this one out yourself
good challenge tbh
deleting or revising something everybody knows
not just some memory only you and 2 people remember, something like changing the name of earth itself
or historical events, or the order a song came out from your favourite artist
go crazy! keep in mind that there's no big or small, its all the same concept in awareness, even if i do imply it
just thinking abt when you go to search the thing you revised in google and it doesn't come up lol
live as if theres no past
this one is something that you should definitely try
i think this becomes the norm when you are present in the now (which is why its so important!)
the point is when you go bed, wipe out your past, through whatever way you like. then in the morning make a declaration that the past is no longer relevent! no longer will you go back to it as a source of identity, breaking the habit of it!
inspired by this quote by osho
i think this one will yield interesting results
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in the end, the goal is not especially to get results, but to release fear and limitations. you also get to practise being in the present moment!
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thisonehere · 4 months
Note
Hello! I really like how you write the boys, I'd like to request a smut one with them being the receiving end? Perhaps a prostate massage from their s/o? I would love to see Bi-han and Johnny Cage but you can also choose others I'd love to see them too!
Thank you and have a lovely day c:
Omg, Yes! I'll do it! :D
A totally normal Prostate Exam
NSFW HEADKANONS A/N: I'm so sorry for the wait, I hope you enjoyed this. Oh, and Merry Christmas and a horny new year lol Tags: MK1, MK1 AU, C/w: NSFW, Anal sex, fingering, pet names, dom!sex, mentions bodily fluids, you make them your b!tch, not fully proofread, g/n reader Characters: Bi-Han, Johnny Cage, Kung Lao, Tomas, Shang Tsung Next part
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Bi-Han
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As Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei, Bi-Han has always been a very dominant man. Especially when it came to you and the sex. He would always put you into specific positions where he had all the power and then he'd fuck you sore.
But this time, things are different. You want to try something different with him. Namely, you wanted your finger inside him.
Bi-Han was against this very concept at first. The very idea even offends him, the idea of you dominating him infuriates him and goes as far as offending him. Maybe he'll even give you the silent treatment for days. But as more time passes, the idea begins to intrigue him more and more. The idea grew more and more enticing and he finally gave in to the temptation.
Pulling you into a room, Bi-Han was sure to shut and lock the doors and cover the mirrors. He didn't want a single soul to see or know about this except you.
Finally comfortable knowing that anyone would see him, Bi-Han took off his clothes and lies on the bed, revealing his plump ass to you.
As you enter him, you can hear Bi-Han struggling to stifle his gasps. "Keep going." He demands though. As you continue, you notice him fighting too keep in moans as he balls his clutches at the sheets.
The room gets colder, no doubt a result of Bi-Han loosing control of his powers as you finger fuck him. You start to get faster and faster as time goes on. Bi-Han struggles even harder to hold in his whines as the feeling starts to overwhelm him.
The climax finally comes, Bi-Han can no longer hold back anymore. His hot semen spills it onto the bed and slowly sinks into the mattress. He raises his head abruptly and basically screams in pleasure. His cries are so loud that you are sure that it echoes off the walls, making sure that everybody heard him.
You pull out your fingers finally and Bi-Han collapses onto his stomach. He faintly looks up at you, a bit of embarrassment can be sensed on his face. "That was... adequate, Y/n." He attempts a compliment, obviously flustered as blush slowly develops onto his face.
Johnny Cage
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When you first proposed the idea, Johnny almost bent over right then and there. At the end of the day, Johnny is very much a freak. Name anything kinky and he'll no doubt be into it.
He would insist that you do it right then and there, he could care less where you were, on a movie set, the royal palace, the Wu Shi academy, the man lacks public decency.
Finally finding the perfect place to do it, Johnny would insist that you record him, he wanted everything to be captured.
He took off his clothes excitedly, even tearing off some of his clothes in the process. If there is a bed, he throws himself onto the bed and rolls onto his back. He lifted his legs to reveal the tight, little hole in his big round ass. It pulsed, eager awaiting your touch.
Johnny moans as he feels your fingers enter him. "That's it, baby, fuck me." He whimpers, fully embracing your touch. He grabs his cock and begins to masturbate, perfectly in sync with your rhythm.
He laughs. "You're pretty good, Y'n, are sure this is your first time or are you holding out on me?" he jokes.
You get faster and faster and so does he, he's not exactly a screamer but he doesn't hesitate to let loud moans and whining as you get closer and closer to the climax.
Finally, seen spill out of his dick and it gets all over him. Painting his body with the hot sticky fluid.
He wipes it off and immediately goes to look at the the footage you recorder. As he reviews it, he looks at you with a smile. "Well, baby, looks like we got something award winning on our hands."
*Holiday Bonuses*
Kung Lao
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Kung Lao laughed it off at first. You? Top him? He didn't think so.
But as he began to think about it, his pride began to get the better of him. Could you fuck him better than he can you? That thought would cloud his head and distract him almost every day.
Kung Lao finally succumbs to the curiosity and before you know it, he's on his back with his legs in the air, his nice ass laid out perfectly before you.
"Alright, Y/n, let's get this over with. But don't be disappointed when you don't get it right. After all, no can fuck better than the great Kung la-OOOHHHH!" you stick your finger inside of him before he can finish boasting. He gasps in surprise at the touch of your fingers suddenly inside of him, rubbing his anal walls.
Kung Lao attempts to play it cool at first, trying to pretend as it didn't feel as good as it actually is.
He grips at the sheets, doing his damnedest to contain his composure. He tightly shuts his mouth to prevent any moan. He can't allow you to know that he's enjoying this.
He looks at you and forces out a smile. "Okay, maybe you are pretty okay. But this is nothing compared to the way I fuck you." And with that, you go at a faster pace.
Kung Lao's eyes grow wide with surprise, he lets out a slight squeal at this. He can't even think straight anymore. Finally, he cums. The semen spills out and spreads across his body, glistening against his abs.
He struggles to catch his breath as he tries to contain you composure. His cheeks are flushed and he is dizzy. He slightly gets up to look you trying to smile, but you fucked him so hard that he can't help but feel emasculated by you. "That was-um- n-nice. Uh, how about you come here? I'll show you what a good finger-fuck feels like."
Tomas
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His face is red with blush the moment you suggest this. During sex, he was never really submissive, but he wasn't dominant either. It isn't hard to convince him, he immediately gives in when see's how excited you are to try it.
He undresses and lies down onto his stomach, anxiously looking back at you. His beautiful ass sits there before you, it quivers at your touch.
As you plunge your fingers into it, Tomas throws his face into the bed, grips the sheets, and lets out a muffled scream in surprise. "K-Keep going, you're doing great." he attempts to encourage you.
You continue to finger him, pulling in and out at a steady tempo. Tomas slowly adjusts to this feeling, it starts to feel better and better as you continue.
He whimpers and whines from the pleasure he is receiving. He thinks to himself that if just your fingers could do this to him, what would something bigger do to him, say, a dick?
He looks back at you and smiles. "You're doing amazing, I love you so much." His endearing smiles encourage you to go on.
You go faster and faster, Tomas's moans soon turn into screams. His climax is getting closer and closer, he starts making inaudible sounds that make no sense. It's like he's speaking gibberish.
Soon he cums finally. His hot seed splashes and squirts everywhere. Onto his body, onto the mattress, it even finds it's way onto you.
And with that finished, Tomas lied on his back for minutes as he catches his breath and fully processes what just happened. He sits up and looks at you with an innocent smile, as if he wasn't fingered just a few moment ago. "Maybe we should, um, do more of this. I'd love for you to do more stuff to me, maybe I could even do some stuff to you." He says with his innocent smile. It seems that you've awoken something in him, and might never go back to sleep.
Shang Tsung
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When you suggest such a thing to Tsung, he doesn't refuse at all, in fact even is kind of into it. Tsung is quite a freak himself, evening going as far as insisting that Quan Chi and a few of his other servants watch.
With a snap of his finger you two are suddenly naked and gets onto his back and spreads his legs. "Be sure to not waste my time, poppet, or else I'll have to... punish you.". You shiver, you know how ruff Tsung lies to get when he punishes you.
You stare at his delicious ass as it pulses, inviting you inside. You stick your fingers in and Tsung purrs.
He takes his giant cock into his hand and starts to masturbate and locks eyes with you.
You begin to thrust harder and faster causing Tsung to let out what sounded like a laugh mixed with moaning. He makes a strange gesture and you suddenly feels something inside your own ass. The bastard out spell on you to make you feel like you were being fingered too. Not that you were complaining.
You both start to moan loudly and in sync, you hear Quan Chi and the others chuckling and you notice that they are playing with themselves as they watch you.
Tsung makes a gesture with his hand and your head swivels over back to him. "Focus, Y/n, you'll get your turn to fuck them in just a second. First, you fuck me."
And with that, you both feel your climaxes coming. You cum and so does Tsung... onto you. He castes a spell which caused both of your semen to spill to splash onto you. Your covered with his hot jizz as it drenches you and makes you sticky all over.
Tsung Laugh as he magic his clothes back onto him, but not you. "That was beautiful, Poppet. In fact, why don't I have my boys show you my appreciation." He said with cocky smirk.
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cambion-companion · 1 year
Note
matey. I have this cute soft idea if you're interested in writing it ofc. basically fem reader where she's a lady of noble blood and knows aemond since they were kids. but there was always this awkwardness around them which slowly turned into disgust (lol bish why you lying, why you always lying) one day she's with helaena or lady friends and they ask her who she would marry from court if she had to choose which she replies with "I would marry aemond in a heartbeat" forgetting that she said that out loud with aemond overhearing it somewhere hiding behind a pillar or something lol. and the next day she keeps questioning herself why aemond is suddenly wearing his nice clothes, helping her with something? and then when she wants to bid him goodnight he replies with a sneaky "I would marry you too in a heartbeat" which ends with her all flustered or something lol. idk what this is honestly, It just popped into my head.
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Hi dearest! I'd love to write a lil something based on this lovely prompt!
Aemond x reader | fluff | Aemond being as discreet as a car backfiring
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Laughter surrounded you, the ladies you sat with in the fragrant gardens tittering to each other, blushes upon their dimpled cheeks. You set aside your book of Old Valyrian poems and leaned in conspiratorially. "Okay Rosaline, your turn. Who would you marry?"
Rosaline, a lovely curvy girl around your age with russet curls and a freckled face, laughed harder. "I cannot say, lady Y/N. Though lord Jason Lannister is rather easy on the eyes is he not?"
You shrugged. "If you go for that sort of pomposity, I suppose."
"Well, who do you fancy, Y/N?" Rosaline asked, huffing at you with slightly narrowed brown eyes.
You hesitated, all eyes now upon you, growing more curious with each second of silence.
"Well? Now you have to tell us!" A girl with straight brown hair piped up, her doe eyes mischievous. "You were so eager to hear our own secrets!"
"I...I've always. Well. Prince Aemond if you must know." Your fingers clasped together upon your lap, so tight your knuckles went white.
There was a beat of stunned silence, then the girls lapsed into another fit of giggles.
"Prince Aemond?" Rosaline choked.
"Haven't you been friends since you were children?"
"I thought they went for their siblings?"
"He doesn't have an eye, Y/N! How could you possibly think he's a suitable match?"
"Excuse me." You said rather flatly. "When any of you ride the largest dragon in Westeros, then you can talk."
"He is rather easy on the eyes." A Tyrell girl spoke in a thin voice. "Though I've heard rumors circulating he is rather callous and keeps to himself."
"He's not callous." You defended. "Though we do have our disagreements."
"Oh yes!" Rosaline tittered again. You fought the urge to smack her. "I've heard you two have been at odds the past few weeks. Lover's quarrel?"
"I-we are not-where did you hear...you know what it doesn't matter." You rose abruptly, forgetting the book beside you on the bench. "Aemond alone is worth a hundred times more than all of you put together. I would marry him in a heartbeat."
"What's under that horrid eyepatch he wears?" A sneering Lannister lady sniggered.
"Something far more interesting than what's under your garish skirts!" You shot back, a shocked silence following your impetuous outburst.
You cast one last scorching look over the gathered women, before gathering your dress and taking your leave of them, face burning.
You retired to your chambers, skipping the dinner feast, not wishing to see those girls again that day. You were still fuming. It was true, you and Aemond had not spoken since a heated argument a few weeks prior. However, this was not the first time you two had been at odds. Nor would it be the last, you reckoned.
A soft knock at your door roused you from your contemplation beside the fire. You rose from the sofa, crossing the carpeted floor and swinging the heavy oak door open to reveal Aemond standing in the doorway.
"Oh!" You said, too surprised to come up with anything witty.
"Walk with me?" Aemond held out his arm for you to take. His hair looked like it was freshly brushed, shining silver in the torchlight as he guided you down the hall into a deserted courtyard.
The evening air was alive with birdsong, the sky above a shock of orange and red as the sun made its western descent.
"I came to apologize." Aemond said as the two of you meandered out into the gardens you had spent your afternoon in.
"Apologize? You? Be still my heart!"
"Don't make me regret it, Y/N." The prince groaned, releasing your arm and turning to you, the vista of the city's red roofs and the sparkling sea framed behind him. "I behaved...rather appallingly and I regret not coming to you sooner."
"You were a bit of an ass, tis true." You smiled impishly at the way he fought down a grimace at your words.
"As if you were any better."
"I was right." You folded your arms across your chest.
Aemond clasped his hands tightly behind his straight back. "It is a matter of opinion whether Dorne is more progressive than us."
"No, Aemond. I'm afraid that's a fact."
Aemond breathed hard through his nostrils; you watched with interest as he collected himself. "I came to apologize not to argue further."
He opened his jacket and pulled out a small box from a pocket within. "And to give you this as a sign of my...remorse."
You squinted at him. "Did your mother tell you to say that?"
Aemond didn't answer, his brow raising at you as he gestured for you to take his gift. You lifted the box from his palm, undoing the string and opening it. A silver brooch lay within, bearing the insignia of your house. Small finely crafted letters spelled out your house words below the image.
"It's quite lovely, my prince." Your face softened as you took it out and fasted the piece to your bodice. "I will wear it with pride. Thank you."
Aemond graced you with a genuine smile, his eye lingering upon the pin now secured above your heart. You tracked his gaze with interest as it roved across your curves before snapping guiltily back up to your face.
"See something you like?" You teased, flashing a grin at him.
Aemond didn't answer, though he held your gaze as you stepped closer, noting how the breath caught in his throat at your sudden proximity. Your brow furrowed as you looked at the odd expression on his face, nothing you had seen there before.
"Are you well, Aemond?"
"No." Aemond shook his head. "Let us continue our walk."
The two of you walked side by side around the gardens, the deepening twilight enveloping you, stars unveiling one by one in the dusky sky. Your knuckles brushed against Aemond's, you extended your pinky, hooking it around his. Heat rose to your face as Aemond's fingers slid to tangle with your own, your hands intertwined as you strode along the path back to the Keep.
He did not break his grip on you, even as you stood again before your chamber door.
"This is where I bid you a good night, Y/N." He spoke softly.
"Yes, it is." You sounded breathless, not pulling away as he turned to face you directly, leaning down as he brushed his lips to the back of your hand.
"Y/N?"
"Yes, Aemond?"
"I would also marry you in a heartbeat."
You stopped breathing. He had overheard the whole exchange in the gardens. Blood rushed in your ears as, wide eyed, you watched as Aemond lingered long enough to take in your expression before he turned on a booted heel and strode down the hallway.
Gathering your wits once more, you shouted after him just as he reached the corner. "Aemond!" He halted, looking back at you with ill-concealed amusement. "Get back here or so help me..." You pointed to the ground in front of your door.
"We can continue this discussion tomorr-"
"No. No, you don't get to say something like that and just walk away." You hissed, leaving your chamber open as you stomped down the hallway to where he stood waiting, his lilac eye sparkling with delight.
Aemond took your forearms in his hands when you reached for him, pulling you in so quickly you stumbled, falling against his chest. "You overheard me today?" You asked, looking up at his angular face as his fingers traced your jaw.
"Mmm. I did indeed. You're quite the sight in your anger." His eye glittered. "Even more enchanting when it's on my behalf."
"They were wrong to say such things." You breathed, your voice only a whisper as the distance between your faces slowly closed.
"I rest easy knowing I have a champion in you, to defend my honor." Aemond chuckled, his breath tickling your lips.
You weren't sure who moved first, or if it was simultaneous, but you felt the press of his mouth against yours, your eyes fluttering closed as your hands buried themselves in his silken hair.
He moved against you, backing you up until you hit the wall, a gasp at the impact opening your mouth to him as he began exploring you with his slick tongue. The scent of him surrounding you, the feel of him caging you in, pressing his knee between your thighs, drew a soft whimper from your lips that he drank down with relish.
"Do that again." He murmured, tugging your hair until you exposed your throat to his touches.
"Make me." You smirked at the arched ceiling, quickly losing what little composure you had won back as he took your challenge to heart.
Aemond made you emit many more sounds of pleasure throughout the course of that night. Stifling your cries with his large hand at one point so as to not alert any nearby guard patrols. With the promises of a lifetime together to come he claimed you as his own, swearing in return to be yours until his dying day.
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ghost-proofbaby · 11 months
Text
if it were anyone else (e.m.)
warnings: strong allusions to depression, disordered eating/rough relationship with food, mentions of smoking, description of a sort of panic attack. very sad. hurt/comfort? not edited.
wc: 1.6k+
a/n: this is literally entirely self indulgent and written entirely after i sat and cried and thought "i wish i had eddie here right now to hold me". maybe in like thirty minutes tops. this is for me and only me. go figure lol. sorry. yeah. anyways.
if you relate, my askbox is always open, and i'm very sorry you've felt this way as well. i hope you all take care of yourselves. drink some water, call a friend. be kind to yourself.
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“I’m worried about you.” 
Four words that always manage to strike a certain type of fear in your gut. You don’t know how to react as he says it, how he wants you to react. You can only stare blankly, you can only wish harder for the earth to swallow you whole.
“What do you mean?” you laugh nervously, following it with a hard swallow.
You’re playing dumb. You know it, he knows it. The tremor in your bones and your numb appendages know it, too. 
“You’re…” Eddie stalls, licking his lips, letting his eyes rake over you, “You’re getting bad again.” 
You’re quick to shake your head, forcing another hollow chuckle from your chest, “It’s not that bad. I’m fin-”
“You’re not fine.”
The look in his eyes could crack your spine if you stare too long. Wet eyes, a trembling bottom lip, worry lines etched into his forehead that you realize might be caused by you.
You’re causing him worry. The last thing you want to do, you’ve accomplished. You’re on a fast-track to becoming a burden – the first step is always acceptance. 
You’re still unsure of how he wants – no, needs you to react right now. This conversation is a landmine for both of you, and you hold every breath with every step as you try to navigate it. If you make one wrong step, it could cause an explosion that spares no survivors.
You don’t mind if it tears you apart limb by limb. You do mind if it hurts him. 
“How… How do you know that?” 
It’s not a sarcastic snipping or defensive deterrence. It’s an unfiltered response of genuineness – you want to know the signs, you want to know what has exposed the rot this time.
And then, maybe next time, you’ll be able to better shield it from him with this knowledge. 
“How could I not?” he takes a deep breath in through his nose, and you focus on the flare of his nostrils rather than any of the tears beginning to gather at his waterlines, “It’s been happening for a while now, though, hasn’t it?” 
Your throat is a cage, tight and restrictive and ringing with a bitter metallic taste in its tenseness. You can’t respond with words. You can only nod. 
He chooses to answer your question more properly now that you’ve admitted it, “You’re cold all the time again. You’re always sleeping too much or too little. You’re smoking again, running yourself into the ground. Picking up distractions like they’re going out of style.”
“Hey, they might be. We never know-” you cut yourself off when your eyes meet his. Now’s not the time for jokes, “Sorry. I… I know. I’m sorry.” 
He’s right. Fuck, he’s right. 
“I want to ask you something, and I need you to answer me honestly,” his own steps across these landmines are just as delicate, just as feathery light, as your own. You hear it in his tone, see it in his body language. You wish your body could sink into the mattress you’re sitting on the edge of as he crouches in front of you, warm palms connecting with your knees. Grounding you. Tethering you. Holding you back from that sinking you crave. “Are you… Sweetheart, are you okay?”
If anybody else had built up to such a stupid question, you would have laughed in their face. You would have shoved those warm palms right off of your skin and you would have thrown up those ice cold hands of your own, shouted obviously not. 
Obviously not. I’m not okay. I’m so far from okay, it’s a bit comical. I am drowning. I am treading in freezing cold waters and I am barely capable of keeping my head above the waves. My engine is fucked, my tank is empty. I don’t think I’d even know how to be ‘okay’ again if you did manage to pull this mangled body of mine from these depths and sat me down on safe, solid ground again. 
You can’t say any of this, though. Not because you don’t trust him, not because he would judge you. But because the moment he asks the question that should make you scoff, you let out a sob instead. Something like a muffled, broken wail that tears from deep within you. It had already been ready and poised, laying in wait for a perfect moment like this one to escape. 
His eyes aren’t the only glossy ones anymore. 
“I-” you start, breathing already stuttering and chest already constricting, “I- I-”
“Hey,” he palms smooth up your thighs, carrying their warmth with them, as if he were trying to spread it across you. As if he had heard your thoughts. As if he already knew all about those dark, treacherous, freezing waters you were stranded in. All you can do is spew out another cry, strangled as you tried to swallow it down before it entered the atmosphere between you two, “Hey.” 
You only notice the tears when you crumple forward and he meets you halfway. Those warm palms, those hands so capable of safety and promise, cup your cheeks and his thumbs make quick work of swiping away the salty streams. 
“Hey, baby, breathe for me,” his voice is tragically gentle, “Just one deep breath, okay?” 
To demonstrate, you watch his chest expand dramatically, his hands forcing you to keep your eyes on him. 
You can’t see through the bleariness. 
“C’mon, sweetness,” he encourages again, “One breath. Just one.” 
If it were anyone else, you’d turn into a fit of rage at the coddling. You’d break everything in sight. You’d scream until your already burning lungs finally collapsed as they’d been yearning to for so long. 
But it’s him. It’s just him, it’s just Eddie. 
His chest rises dramatically again, and this time, yours does as well, albeit through stifling hiccups. You’re dizzy from the lack of oxygen and the flood of emotion that was wrecking you. 
“There you go!” his voice rises ever so slightly, and when you flinch a bit at the sudden volume, he retracts, “Sorry, sorry. But that’s it, sweetheart. Another one, okay?” 
Another breath. Another sob. Another wave of all the pain you’ve been battling off. 
You’re cold all the time again. You’re always sleeping too much or too little. You’re smoking again, running yourself into the ground.
He was right and it fucking killed you. None of those are things you could ever shield him from. You didn’t have the heart to pull away those numb and icey fingertips every time he’d reach out for your hand, or try to cover the shivers that managed to rack your bones even in the middle of summer. The sleeping situation had been spiraling, a pendulum of sleepless nights that would end in a sleep so deep that you could have been mistaken for resting with the dead. Maybe the smoking you could have hid, especially when you’d been so boastful about quitting. 
You weren’t running yourself into the ground. You had already collapsed into the dirt, you had already joined the worms. You’d buried yourself alive, six feet under, and nothing could have stopped him from sniffing out that scent of decay on you. 
The death of a soul and mind. The death of the thing that had propelled you forward for so long. No amount of sweet perfume, or hour long scalding showers, or minty gum to occupy your mind rather than a proper meal, can erase that stench. 
You never could have shielded him. He always saw right through you. Always had, always would. 
“I’m sorry,” you end up crying out. 
You don’t know what you’re apologizing for, but you echo the words again. Over and over, on repeat, until he’s rising from the ground. Until he’s sat beside you. Until his arms are suddenly encasing you and you’re awarded a warmth you didn’t feel deserving of. 
He doesn’t smell like the decay you’d surrounded yourself with. He smells like slow waking in the morning, dreary and calm and at a reasonable time. He smells like warm baths that only relax your bones, and don’t have to blister your skin in the process. He smells like three meals a day, all comforting and all effortless and that never linger with a sense of regret.
He’s not decay, never even treading close to death. He’s home. He’s the promise that you could be okay. Even if it isn’t right now. 
“Don’t apologize,” he murmurs into the crown of your head, squeezing you tighter into his chest, not even blinking an eye at the patch of wetness you leave behind from where your cheeks bury against him, “Never apologize. Ever. Not with me, sweetheart. Keep the sorries. I don’t need them.” 
If it were anyone else, the holding would have suffocated you. But it’s him. It’s Eddie.
You don’t fight him when he pulls you fully into his lap, situating the two of you comfortably on that mattress. 
You don’t know how long you let him cradle you like that. How much of that time is spent filled with your cries, or how many breaths he gently urges you to take with him. He never once has to verbally say what you already know; he never once promises aloud that it’ll be okay. He doesn’t put that pressure on you, not yet. Not today. Not when he knows the journey to okay is still such a long one. 
“I’ve got you,” he whispers to you instead, “I’ve got you, now, sweetheart.” 
If it were anyone else, you wouldn’t believe them. 
But it’s him. It’s Eddie. 
And he’s got you, for now and for as long as you need.
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tarotwithdanise · 11 months
Text
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Your future spouse first impression of you (reposted and edited)
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1 - 2 - 3
4 - 5 - 6
SOURCE AND CREDITABLE : All of the pictures are collected and downloaded from pinterest , I don’t own any of them but credits goes to the rightful owners however edits goes and the reading itself belong to me. I use the editor tools canva and ibispaint for the header and divider. If saved/downloaded the divider use a proper credits and tag/mention along my acc @tarotwithdanise. Expect grammatical errors with this reading, bear with it because english isn't my mother tongue.
💌 check out my back-up account @danisetarot bio ; click the link, choose your favorite deals that you wanted to purchase and then send all of them to my email account ([email protected])
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PILE ONE
Right off the bat, you manifested this person to come on your way. I think this person won't approach you at first, it's look like they just gonna watch you from afar. I also sense here that this is your faith with them, a strong romantic soulmate connection will developed when they first met you. This is why they attached to you immediately when they first meet you. Their impression will be like "Ah this person looks like been through a rough life but able to shine" they will see this glow from you, the way you act and especially when you finally made an eye contact with them. Since you have the emperor card here, there's a high chances that maybe this person can be intimidated by you like maybe you have this cold pair of eyes or maybe you have this habit of rbf and probably you may have this very powerful aura and confident within yourself. You might have this stoic and stern impression or if not, you have this kind of million dollar smile. They probably view you as someone who is physically beautiful and someone who might be into glamour, someone who loves to spend money on their beauty and looks. This person think you are charming and breath taking when they first see you.
For some, i'm getting they will see you as someone who is warm, very loving and kind-hearted. From their eyes you are totally 100% attractive, someone who is matured, who is quite possibly, curvy with a large full of figure regardless to gender. And oh, this person has a confident too, they knew from the start that you will like them when they approach you lol. Wait let me see more here, why the woman is looking far away from the sea? Oh i get it now, This person knows you are waiting for them, so you don't need to worry or hurry when it comes to love and this can indicate as well that you might need to focus more on self right now and probably you may need some growth experiences.
As well this is indicates a long distance relationship, they might frequently travel with your own home country or if not, you and them might be in the same country but might come from different cities. I also seeing here with this 3oW card, this indicates to me of "The one is waiting and the one are leaving then comes back" With the wild waves being presented here, this person might view you as someone who may have an unpredictable nature.
For the rest of this pile, their first impression of you is someone who is considerate, wise and thoughtful especially when you two get to know each other and have deep conversations. Overall, this person will think you are someone who is matured from the way you talk even though it's not really meeting your age line and there's a high possibility that they are someone who is older than you (age gap is here). This person will know you are not someone who is can be easily to manipulate with and someone who rarely lies (white lies). Because of this qualities of yours, they will fall much harder for you and they may see you as someone who can be with them in the future.
Someone who knows how to have fun and have playful personality, even though the way you think or view things are very matured, you also know how to joke around like you can be a clown like or you are very funny person. They will admire, adore and love you the first time they see you since they will know you are their other half. They are head over heels for you and would do anything for you. You will capture their heart at the very first time you two meet.
extra messages :
initials and numbers : T, A, R,O, 10-17-4-12-7-3.
Free Spirit, Long distance relationship, Henna Tattoos, Riding Motorbike, Rope, Tied The Knot, Bell, Purple Crystal, Organized, Rude, Medium To Black Skin Color, At The Back Yard, Helpful, Playful, Same Age, Older Man, Yellow Dress, Running, Football, Medium Hair Length , Manifesting, Hot Intimacy, Red Sneakers, Hoodies , Watch, Crown, Beach And Fishes.
zodiac signs - that play important roles on their chart.
aquarius, gemini and aries, water and earth signs.
surprise and leave a small tip to your favorite tarot reader here.
channeled song from playlist :
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PILE TWO
Their first impression is that they'll see you as someone who is heartbreaker that can potentially break their heart into pieces, someone who can leave them behind perhaps all of the love you have shown for them, they think you are type of individual who have a lot choices when it comes choosing a right partner for you. They probably thinking that you are someone who is creative too. Someone who can be an overthinker and cannot stand too long for a relationship. Someone who is observant maybe you are one of these people who is very quite, shy and likes to observe about what happenings on the surroundings and they might notice this when you first meet them. You are totally giving off the vibes of being a bad boy or bad girl like they probably view you as someone who is playing around and likes to entertain others without any hesitation. And somehow, you can be or might be manipulative when it comes in the relationship for example depending of what you really needs from your partner from a specific situation.
For some of you, I'm getting that their first impression will be — You came off to them as someone who is strong and looking for their soul. Someone who gives up and goes away when things get tough. However, this impression will changed when they know you deeply. Like their impression will be from disappointed to a very positive way so i can totally say that their first impression will not be good for you as you think. And maybe after this deep and serious conversation you will share with them. They will probably see you as someone who can build something successful with, someone whom they think can make a great foundation and union.
For the rest of this pile, their first impression to you will be like; This is someone who is exhausted and under alot emotional strain. You might meet this person through friends or social gathering and right off the bat they will see you immediately when you enter the room but they won't feel the what we so called "spark" at first sight, like they won't even have an idea that you will be their future spouse. They might see you as a trouble maker or if not, someone who might bring chaos or conflict. They will see and notice you at a very first moment but they don't have interest for you but it's like they won't make any actions because for them you seems unpredictable in some way and you may challenge their inner belief systems. It may refer to the way you entered their life or how you have changed them as an individual. That can effect on how they view you or see you. You will have a significant effect on their life that they will treasure for the rest of their life.
extra messages
Cold, Intelligent, Petite, Cute Couple, Small Height, Idiot, Heartbreaker, Spacing Out, Tears, "I Don't Fucking Care!", Cheerful Vibes, Bully, Away, Loss, Squirrel, Globe, Travel, Cottagecore, Sewing, Yellow, Fight, Jealous, Old, Brown, Uneven Teeth, Fun, Grey, Cocky, Hat/caps, "Don't forget to enjoy your journey while chasing your dreams" Owl Person, J, T , 6, 8, 10, 16, 2 and 7.
zodiac signs - that play important roles on their chart.
taurus, capricorn, scorpio and libra.
surprise and leave a small tip to your favorite tarot reader here.
channeled song from playlist :
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PILE THREE
With the three of cups here you might meet this person in a party or social gatherings. For some, i'm getting that you may meet them through social media platforms. If this is a out social gatherings - I see here that you dress beautifully where all of your curves showing with this clothing but for a short description you will or may already meet this person through your connection with others. They will turn on or it's a head turner dressing style. I think you already met this person, it's either one of you is waiting for the right time to approach the another person because this another person looks like they come from a heartbreak.
Their first impression of you is that they will see as you as someone who can do everything. This person is like those type of people who is patiently waiting without any sure assurance from the other one. Are you ambivert? It's like you are avoiding this person with your first encounter with them where they can say to themselves "Weird, why they kind of shy or elusive towards me?". And yes, you might come of as someone who isn't friendly for them at first encounter.
Furthermore, this person will notice your imperfections and how you get uncomfortable with the crowd. They will notice you kind of clumsy individual? You frequently make mistakes because of shyness. Perhaps, all of this. They will fall in love with you and with your imperfections, you are come off as a great person for them. Idk but you giving a vibes of person who usually quite yet danger when they get mad.
For some, they will see you as someone who is fair — libra traits. You might meet this person through school, university or work, and you seems nerd for them like someone who is studious person. If you are student now — seems like you are taking the courses like business, medical, law, science or arts related or creative works. You might be someone who is creative and likes to do arts e.g painting, journaling, crafting etc.. I honestly don't want to lie, don't expect this person to be that too good looking physically but they know how to dress and fashion themselves right. Alsolso they might appear as someone who is attractive for others but not for everyone. Cute, they will have a crush on you right away, it's like you will caught this person staring at you all the time and then they will be shy but still gonna stare at you anyway when you are not looking.
extra messages
2028 - 2030, B, M , Traveling, 18, Clumsy, "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst" , Possessive, Playing Golf, Black, Hair Clips, Summer, Vintage, Pink, Blonde Hair, Rushing Hours, Stairs, Violet/purple, Feminine, Bald, Blue, Hooded Eyes, City, Big, Alone, Busy And Blossom,
zodiac signs - that play important roles on their chart.
Air signs : Libra, Gemini, Aquarius. Earth signs : Taurus, Capricorn and Virgo.
surprise and leave a small tip to your favorite tarot reader here.
channeled song from playlist :
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PILE FOUR
This may sound cringe but this person first impression of you is that you are an angel came from heaven to save them. They think you are an angel at the first time you met them, you have this soft side for example your personality or the way you move or your face structure seems like very soft. This person might be into ballet dancing for years before you actually meet them or if not, they just simply had this dreams to be one otherwise this person have a flexible body. You are this type of individual who is usually go with the flow, someone who is easy going and probably someone who don't tend to think about their own problems rather you are a problem-solver individual and physically happy-go-lucky person for them. Perhaps, even though you were smiling it's hard for them to know whether if you are sad or not. You may come off as unpredictable individual through words and actions.
For some, I'm getting that they think you are someone who is very thoughtful, not too emotional and gets to be detached. Someone who wants nothing but to make their life live better. Also they view you as someone who can manage to soft at the same time, a person who can be hard as well. And I won't deny the fact that you are a very positive person, you screams positively to the point I'm seeing you as someone who is looking for the light and hope of something even the chances are small. Someone who is vivacious person and very sexy. You are someone who is the happiest person as always whether it's big or small, you know how to value things.
For the rest of this pile, i'm getting that this person see you as someone who is well respected from their community and from the people around them. In short, you are giving them a leader vibes. Someone who can do multi-tasking.
This person will like you without any hesitation. When time gets finally right, you two already together, this person probably gonna think you are out of their league. Also, you are someone who provides great insights and opinions about something, event, beliefs, animals, or even people. You two seems like mirroring each other. You share some similarities, interests and/or passions in life because somehow they notice this from you that you easily get triggered or get angry from a petty things. In addition, they knew from the start you do have tons of admirers but it seems like you are too blind to notice it.
extra messages :
Motorcycle, Love, Yellow, Jealous, Black, Scheduled, Movie, Green, Blue Eyes Color, Volleyball, Introvert, Possessive, Amber Eyes Color, Offer , 30, 33, 49, W, A, B, G, V, K And L.
zodiac signs - that play important roles on their chart.
The earth, water and fire signs is present on their birth chart especially on their big six such as moon in Leo. Capricorn and Cancer (sun, rising, venus, mercury and mars.)
surprise and leave a small tip to your favorite tarot reader here.
channeled song from playlist :
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PILE FIVE
This person first impression of you is that you are someone who knows how to protect themselves from harmful environment. You maybe meet this person in a garden or somewhere surrounded by nature where the stars shines brighter than they're. It can be from occasion or a party from a wide garden and/or house. When you actually meet them, they might asked you about (or vise versa) for a helpful advice even though you aren't really good with it they usually gonna appreciate your thoughtfulness and advises for them. They gonna think at that moment that you are a helpful and supportive person.
They gonna feel that it's time to open their heart and to share the half of it with you. When you used to get to know each other, they can guarantee that you are the one for them even there's a little doubt here. They will feel very committed to you. For some, i'm getting that when they first meet you. You made them drawn to you, where they can say to themselves when they're alone "Who really they're and why they keep bugging and ruining my mind 24/7?!". They probably gonna spend their whole day thinking about you, they just can't accept that they already fallen for you (yeah, in denial stage).
There's a lot of control issues might happen with them and their own ego. They need to stop what's is holding them back and start accepting things as they are. They should the Universe and Divine timing handling this connection. This connection is one of a kind, very special and unique to the point it cannot be defined through words.
extra messages :
Laces, Beaming Smile, White, Style, Billiard, Struggle, South America, South Korea, South Africa, South East Asia, Short Hair, Antarctica, School, Planner, I, S and X
zodiac signs - that play important roles on their chart.
Water sign : Scorpio, Cancer and Pisces as well the Libra
surprise and leave a small tip to your favorite tarot reader here.
channeled song from playlist :
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PILE SIX
You will meet this person something related to water such as beach, water park, in front/beside of a fountain, river, falls and etcetera. Their first impression to you is that you come off as an physically attractive individual for them. It's seems you are a blessings that they have seen on that day. There's a high chances that they will approach you first and start a conversation right away when they saw you. It's a first conversation and meeting? Yet you and them feel the connection that burning and tapping your own heart for the first time. This person wants to lavish you with their love, attention and affection.
This person love language is physical touch and words affirmation. I suddenly here this three powerful words "I love you" so they're already telling you these words even though you two haven't meet yet. It seems like they're wishing and hoping that you don't find and encounter someone who will able to hurt you or break your heart into pieces. This person is praying for your protection.
For some and for rest of this pile, they will knew when the first time you two meet that you are their true love. Someone who can turned their life upside down and someone who can be light when their dark days come. If this is a true love then this romance can be for lifetime! They view you as someone who can commit for a long time relationship but i see here there's stopping them to achieve this connection with you right now or vice versa and that's because of a family issue? If this is you or them you need to forgive your family especially your parents because somehow your family benefits your love life.
extra messages :
Headphones, Summer, Glasses, Stars, Flowers, Wallet, Juice, Violin, Gentle man, Hand Kisses, Dance, Get to know each other, Healing, Engagement Ring, Butterflies, 23, 7, Truth, Elevate your energy, T, Z , Y And D.
zodiac signs - that play important roles on their chart.
I mostly getting fire signs especially the Aries with little bit influence of Virgo and Venus.
surprise and leave a small tip to your favorite tarot reader here.
channeled song from playlist :
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Made with love, Danise.
© tarotwithdanise ── all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, alter, or repost my work in any other social media platforms with or without my explicit permission.
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627 notes · View notes
pix3lplays · 5 months
Note
3/3 I request something that's tbh now kind of a rite of passage for HSR men at this point cuz there is so much Dad!HSR men stuff on your Tumblr lol
So I was wondering, What would Dr.Ratio be like as a father?
-🤡anon
And I wouldn’t have it any other way hehe!
Yessss let’s gooooo
Cw! Suggestive comments from me because I’m kinda down bad for this guy, reader gets pregnant and such, ANGST PLEASE BE AWARE RATIO IS A BAD DAD
Someone buy this man a ‘world’s sluttiest dad’ mug lol
*looks at how much I wrote* I uh. Got a little carried away there lol
-Dr. Ratio dad hcs-
Okay, first of all, I have a Hard time seeing Ratio as a biological dad, he just doesn’t seem like he’d be into it if you know what I’m saying? He seems more like he would choose to adopt, if he chose to have children with you at All. He just doesn’t seem the type…
But say the Doctor does accidentally get you pregnant.
Well.
He’s shocked, completely thrown off his balance, very much a “what do you MEAN you’re pregnant?!” even though he knows exactly what you mean. You’ve only done it ONCE. (And it wasn’t even that good ngl) How did this HAPPEN?!
His initial thought is No, he doesn’t want to be a father. You should get rid of it. He can’t shoulder that responsibility right now.
But you’re looking at him with shining eyes, cupping your stomach even though you’re not even showing yet, and smiling harder than he’s ever seen you smile before.
You really want to have his baby. You’re excited at the thought. And he’s never been able to refuse you before.
Fine. He’ll raise his baby. He’ll raise them to be So Smart, surely they’ll surpass him one day. That is his dream for them.
While you’re pregnant…Dr. Ratio has a hard time pulling himself away from his work to be with you. It’s a thought that doesn’t really occur to him-? He thinks oh you’re at home so you’ll be okay, completely forgetting about this important thing called Moral Support. Literally the type of guy who’s like a lot of Animals go through this procedure where the father leaves, so you should be fine and you’re like ??? We’re not Animals though??
You call him a lot throughout the day. He doesn’t understand why. You say things like you missed him or you felt the baby kick and you thought of him and he literally doesn’t understand why you’re So worked up about this baby until-
He experiences something himself. He was scribbling in his book, sitting up in bed, when suddenly you reached over and pulled his free hand onto your stomach. As if on cue, and before he could pull away like he was bound to do, he felt it. The little kick of the child inside you saying hi to their papa.
It was like LOVE at first sight oh my gosh. He doesn’t say anything. He just sits still for a moment, before suddenly forgetting about his book and placing both of his hands on your round belly, feeling for his baby, seeking desperately for the charming little kicks of his child, his nose scrunched in concentration.
He feels another one and he leans his face in closer to your stomach and you can’t handle how cute your man looks right now-all concentrated on his child-to-be, just him and them, the only beings in the world.
So he becomes a Little more attentive to you after that. Asks you how you’re feeling, and Especially asks how the baby is doing.
He’s suddenly…excited to meet the little bundle of joy he initially considered an unwanted nuisance.
And when the baby is born-oh, he is under their spell immediately.
You’re cradling your newborn, and he’s standing by your hospital bedside, peering into their little close-eyed face, and he’s talking to them.
“Welcome into the world…I’m your papa…I’ll protect you…” you can’t make out everything he’s saying, but you know it’s sweet and loving and caring and you’re so happy because for a while there you didn’t trust him to get the dad instinct.
And.
Well.
You were right.
That Dad Instinct never really…manifests itself beyond the pregnancy process and the birth.
For the first few months they are Absolutely Inseparable, he’s always holding his baby or rocking them to sleep in their crib, but other than that don’t expect him to do much of the Real Work heh.
That falls onto you.
And once they’re old enough to crawl, and more interested in exploring the house than clinging to papa Ratio’s fingers, or crying whenever he wasn’t around…Ratio loses a bit of interest too.
It’s a little bit sad seeing your child playing in the living room while papa Ratio reads a textbook, neither of them giving each other a passing glance.
I could definitely see Ratio being someone who teaches his child to call him “Dr. Ratio” instead of “Papa” or “Father”. It makes you a bit upset, but the man is insistent and won’t have it any other way, so you’ll just have to Deal.
Ratio has some High expectations for his child. He wants them to grow up to be even smarter than him, which is a HIGH bar.
Only the finest schools for his child, and he intends to tutor them through their homework himself.
At least he’s spending Some time with his kid, even if it’s spent drilling them on mathematics.
His kid is Acutely aware of the high standards placed upon them. You feel so bad for your poor child when they stop by their father’s office, gazing at his vast collection of trophies and prizes.
To be fair! Dr. Ratio was Extremely proud when his six year old won the spelling bee. I mean, he stood up from his chair and clapped and everything- you have a picture from the spelling bee, of your little kid holding up a medal, and Ratio looking so, so proud-it’s up on the wall of your bedroom for a reason.
Sometimes you find Ratio looking at it with a small smile on his face. So proud of his kiddo.
As his kid gets older, they begin to show just how smart they really are.
You literally cannot keep up when they have an intelligent conversation with their dad at the dinner table.
It’s funny because Dr. Ratio would be so chill and supportive of his kid, until they tell him they would rather focus on traveling and enjoying life than studies.
Like he literally loses his mind. They have a huge argument and Ratio gets So Close to kicking the kid out of his house, like, it’s a good thing you were there to deescalate.
Talk about a HARD to overcome rift.
Dr. Ratio goes on a massive rant about it in the bedroom that night, and no matter what you do there’s no calming this man down.
He falls asleep angry, and he’s angry in the morning and the whole afternoon, and he doesn’t speak to his child for a WHILE, and your child pleads with you for help because they’re not USED to not having dad’s approval. It’s a messy situation. One that doesn’t get resolved easily.
Either your kid will have to accept that they’re gonna disappoint Dr. Ratio a bit, or they’ll give up on their dreams and pursue Ratio’s dream.
They decide to leave home.
Ratio doesn’t really recover. But you can tell deep down he’s more hurt than he’s letting on. He misses his kid, you know it.
They haven’t really spoken to each other since.
You’ve written a few letters in that time to your child, asked Ratio if he’d like to sign and maybe send some money.
He always says no.
So far.
180 notes · View notes
yanderu-deredere · 1 year
Text
chew.
★ you get really drunk but that's okay! despite these strangers being a bunch of guys you just randomly met, you trust them! they'd never do anything to you! at least, nothing you don't want!
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a/n: was gunna work on the third part of the slasher yanderes but actually the werewolf yanderes did so well that i wrote this dirty rag i pass off as smut instead also lowkey one of my fav yandere blogs followed me becos of the werewolf fic sooo i have to write this LOL
important: for everyone that read the first part, i HEAVILY added some stuff so please re-read that before coming over here and reading this so it makes sense
also also this is the smut scene and theyre all men so please don't be gross in the notes or in my inbox about like butt stuff cus like they're men and they have butts idk what to tell you. one of the warnings is heavy ass play.
and please don't report my post becos that's literally so petty and rude and uncalled for, especially since it's properly tagged and censored (is that the right word? you know what i mean)
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part one (bite.) ★ part two ★ (here) ★ extras (bite and chew.) ★ extras (taste) ★ part three ★ (swallow.) ★ part four (digest.)
pairing: poly werewolves x male reader word count: 3589
general warning: reader is cheating, bottom reader has male parts and pronouns, reader is implied to be attracted to both genders, reader is definitely under the influence of alcohol, yanderes may be under the influence of the moon? real wildt, biphobia becos leonard assumed reader is straight, polyam ending (all three with reader)
sexual warnings: very dubious consent, descriptive ass play, leonard is a power bottom, one hard spank, reader is fucked and gets fucked, voyeurism because mel watches a little
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You felt yourself start to get sleepy. It only made sense, after all. Your stomach was full, you had your fill of alcohol and, now, you had a great time with your new friends.
Before you could drift off, though, a scene in the movie the four of you decided on caught your eye.
It was some angsty romance about a girl who moved to a new town and was caught between choosing two werewolves or a vampire as a lover. You had heard of it but never really watched it.
You think it was because your girlfriend trashed it all the time?
Shows what she knew since you ended up really enjoying it. The cinematography was great, the actors and actresses were all great and the plot was typical for the genre but still interesting.
What you hadn't expected was that it just had full blown porn as one of the scenes.
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You watched as one of the werewolves pushed the girl into the male locker room? Felt illegal but you stored that in the back of your mind. The other werewolf was already in there and caught her.
They sandwiched her in between the two of them and started making out, their hands hurriedly stripping her clothes as she watched them swap spit.
You couldn't help it. There was something about the, emmm, artistic filming of the two rugged men kissing that had your cock twitching in your pants.
With wide eyes, you continued to watch them strip her and start fucking her in the middle of the male locker rooms. Something about marking her as theirs or something? Making her their mate? Covering her in their scent?
This was so wild and what was even more wild was that your cock was steadily getting harder as you continued to observe them basically make a meal out of her body and impale her on their cocks.
You felt a breath against your ear "What, you like?"
You pretty much jumped in your seat, your hand clapping over your ear as you snapped to look at Leonard who smirked wolfishly at you, chuckling at your probably scared expression.
You just scoffed at him, pushing him away "I may have a girlfriend but I'm not blind."
My cock isn't either. You wanted to add. You'd never denied your attraction to men and women. Just because you were with a woman didn't stop you from ogling at men.
"Wait, really." Leonard was leaning against you again, trying to peer at your face to see if you were being serious "I thought you were just one of those poser straight guys that flirted platonically but would go 'Ohh, but like, I'm not gay or anything' and deny it."
You were really offended by his insinuation but decided to give him the benefit of your doubt "It's whatever. I'm attracted to both men and women."
You expected him to leave it at that but, suddenly, he smirked even more, looking quite pleased with himself "Oh, really?"
Then, he took you by the wrist and pressed it to his dick. You could feel it, even over his jogging pants, how hard and stiff and big it was.
He leaned forward, lips ghosting your ears "You know you made it like this."
"M-Me?" Your fingers twitched, unsure whether you wanted to pull your hand away or tease him through his clothes.
You felt his hips jolt up desperately to meet your palm and you looked down to see him tenting. Just seeing how hard he was and feeling it were two different things.
Seeing it and feeling it made it feel more real, made it feel like you should do something about it.
Distantly, you heard Mel say Leonard's name in a warning tone but you were simply too focused on the fact that you gave such a beautiful man like Leonard such an obvious hardon.
Then, Leonard was suddenly growling like an animal and pushing your hand away. You felt both relieved and disappointed, thinking that was that. Maybe Mel didn't want him doing anything?
You were dead wrong. Instead, Leonard was taking off his shirt and kicking off both his pants and his briefs.
"Gods, I've been waiting for your dumb fucking ass to make a move and fuck me all night." Leonard huffed, rolling his pretty blue eyes. "You're just as oblivious as you are gorgeous."
Another distant warning tone from Mel that you would've listened to but you just couldn't find any space in your brain to do anything but watch, mesmerized, as Leonard undressed.
You would take a few more moments to observe how handsome he looked without his glasses if it weren't for the fact that his cock, all pale and pink and girthy, curving up to his belly button, took all your attention.
"Hey, eyes up here, moron." Leonard tried again before kneeling in front of you and, finally, just taking your face into his hands and pulling you into a sloppy kiss.
It was absolutely filthy. His mouth was open, tongue practically fucking your mouth and coaxing your tongue to play, like he was trying to eat you alive or something.
It made you feel so light-headed, like you just couldn't think.
No thoughts passed through your head. You kissed him back. Your brain was empty. He pressed forward and your back bowed, trying to accommodate his body as you guys made out, chest to chest, his cock pressed against your clothed torso.
You could feel the wet spot on your shirt that his pre-cum made.
Then, just as suddenly as he started, Leonard was pulling away. Your eyes were unfocused for a second, like you didn't know where you were, like he sucked out your brain.
The first thing you noticed were how blue his eyes were, almost like they were the sky. They were so clear, so beautiful, just like the rest of him. Then, he was pulling away even more, taking the pillow on your lap with him.
You were still very drunk. Surprisingly, the kiss did nothing to sober you up. So, honestly, your broken train of thought didn't track that he would bend over for you.
In fact, part of you had thought (and slightly hoped) that he would've ripped your clothes off and bent you over.
Instead, he took your pillow and hugged it to his chest as he fisted his cock and bent to show you his cute round butt.
It was an ass you'd more than love to fuck, if you were being honest.
The biggest surprise wasn't his ass, however. A good looking guy like him? It was expected that his ass looked good too.
No, the biggest surprise was what was already in his ass. Nestled between his ass cheeks was a pink glass butt plug in the shape of a rose.
The rose was big enough that it pushed his ass cheeks apart and the glass was translucent enough so you could see the ring of his ass struggle to accommodate the rest of the plug.
You couldn't even imagine how he would've looked like, taking the butt plug in. Or how he would look when you slowly took it out of him.
But, then, you remembered.
You had a girlfriend that was waiting for you back at the bonfire. Or, maybe, not at the bonfire but definitely at home. Or, maybe, not at home because she never liked visiting you at your place but--
It didn't matter. All that mattered was, no matter how shitty she was, you had a girlfriend and fucking Leonard's adorable shapely ass was considered cheating.
"Fuck, c'mon, take it out and just stick your cock in." Leonard groaned, pushing his ass towards you even more. When he did, it made the plug in him stick out a little, pushing it out a little before sucking it back in.
You groaned too, palming your dick through your pants, unsure of what to do. Looking at him like that, watching him desperately holding the base of his dick, offering himself off like he was a man possessed, did something to you.
"I-I can't--" You tried to valiantly say no but he whimpered, all helplessly and soft, like he'd die if you didn't help him out, even just a little.
You sighed before deciding to acquiesce a little by grabbing the base of the toy and slowly pulling it out. You watched as his walls seemed to protest, trying to suck it back in, before finally letting go.
"Please, more." He moaned so prettily when it popped right out, all loud and high-pitched.
You turned to Mel, a look of desperation like he was the only one that could help you. Instead of help, you were met with the sight of Mel cradling Isamu in his lap.
Mel was still fully clothed but Isamu was completely naked from the waist down. Isamu's back was against Mel's chest, his cock in Mel's fist, completely hard, flushing dark brown-red at the tip and leaking so much pre-cum.
You hadn't even realised that the two of them had started getting it on behind you
Just watching them made you dizzy
You didn't think Mel was even paying attention to you for a second but, as soon as your eyes were on them, Mel's eyes snapped to you like he was hyper aware of you and you swore his eyes were glowing.
He was looking at you in a way that made you feel so small, that made you feel like a rabbit in front of a pack of wolves.
And he certainly looked wolfish, the way his sharp teeth marked Isamu's neck up, leaving bruises and bitemarks all over his tan skin, the way his eyes glared, all predator, none of that polite man that welcomed you in his home left.
You felt a shiver go down your spine.
You wanted to run away but you felt rooted in place.
You saw Mel's mouth move but whether he was mouthing something to Isamu or just mouthing at his neck, you couldn't tell. All you could hear was your heart beating in your ears.
From the corner of your eyes, you could see Isamu's hips jerk hard into Mel's fist but Mel's fist was absolutely immovable. HIs entire demeanor seemed unwavering, like a steadfast predator who'd chase you down to the ends of the Earth.
The entire thing both mortified you and absolutely turned you on and you didn't know why.
"Hey! What the fuck! Hello, someone's ass is right in front of you?" Leonard started whacking your thigh with his free hand, his ass wiggling around again as if that would entice you.
You were pulled away from your thoughts and you turned back to him, sigh leaving your lips again. You knew Mel would be no help and Isamu looked like his brain was leaking out of his cock.
"Okay, okay, compromise." Leonard looked at you over his shoulder, desperation clear on his face.
It made him look surprisingly pathetic but also incredibly cute, especially with that adorable red flush to his face and the way he was staring at you with puppy eyes.
"Just the tip. The tip is all I need. Just an inch and I'll jerk myself off." He tried convincing you and, though you knew cheating was cheating, you couldn't help but feel just a bit sorry for him.
At least, it made sense in your absolutely alcohol drunk head.
"Fine." You stood, taking everything from the waist down off and piling it on top of Leonard's things. "Goddamnit, fine."
Leonard practically squealed "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
You nodded, positioning yourself behind him. He whimpered almost excitedly, shifting a little to position himself better. You spread his ass cheeks with your thumbs, testing his ass to see if the two of you needed any lube.
Surprisingly, he'd used so much silicone lube with the butt plug that some of it was still dribbling out.
You moved the head of your cock to press against his ass, pushing it in just a little. And, oh god, did it feel good. Leonard definitely already prepped himself and he was sucking you in so good.
"Shit." You huffed out, eyes screwing shut as you gripped his ass tighter in your hands "Just the tip. Just the tip."
You heard him babble agreements but, honestly, the words you were saying were mostly for yourself.
"Gunna jerk myself off. Gunna cum while I squeeze the tip of your fucking cock." Leonard moaned as he pushed himself back as much as you would allow him "Need you to jerk yourself off too. Need you to cum inside me. Please? Please?"
You nodded, unsure if he was looking at you because you still had your eyes shut. You were sure if you looked at him even a little bit, you'd bust a nut immediately.
You let go of one of his ass cheeks to grip the base of your cock, getting ready to either jerk yourself off or hold it to prevent yourself from coming.
Before you could do either, you felt someone slap your ass. The force of it pushed you forward and you were suddenly bent over Leonard, your cock much deeper into his ass than you were planning.
You moaned, both from the sting of pain on your ass and from Leonard's ass milking your cock. The only thing that prevented the whole thing from going in was your fist.
Hell, the only thing preventing you from cumming was your fist.
"What bad boys, leaving 'Samu out." Mel muttered behind you.
You didn't know what he looked like or what he was doing. You were too busy moaning, your hand on Leonard's ass gripping it like a lifeline, your forehead resting on the nape of his neck.
"Shit, shit, shit." Leonard so eloquently replied, his ass humping back against you "Move, you fuck head! Shit! Ohhh, your cock feels sooo good, baby."
You moaned again, unable to take Leonard's dirty talking in conjunction with his ass just strangling your dick as you tried to stay as still as possible.
As a way to placate him, you shifted your head, your lips brushing against his neck before your teeth nipped at his skin and started leaving hickeys.
"Oooh, fuck, baby." You heard a squirt before, suddenly, Leonard's hand sounded like it was jerking his own cock off with lube.
Was that Leonard's hand? Where'd he get lube?
The thought had barely entered your mind before there was another squirt and then you felt the cold chill of lube between your own ass cheeks.
Wait--
You looked over your shoulder to see Mel, looking down at you with that same piercing gaze in his eyes. This time, his mouth was stretched into a predatory grin, teeth too sharp and mouth too wide.
"Ya' know, 'Samu was feeling lonely." He told you matter-of-factly like that meant something but it wasn't Isamu that was pulling your ass cheeks apart.
Your eyes flickered around and, quickly, you spotted Isamu right beside Mel, cock in his hand, a dark flush on his entire face as he watched you and Leonard, mesmerised by the entire scene.
Before you could ask if you did anything to offend him, you felt one of Mel's thumbs start prodding at your ass and you groaned, your back bowing, your chest pressing against Leonard's chest and your hips pushing forward to get away.
Of course, since your cock was inside Leonard, it meant you were pushing more of it into him. Not that he was complaining. He was just babbling out obscenities, happy to take your cock as he jerked himself off.
"Now, now." Mel licked his lips, pulling you just a tad closer (and making Leonard complain a little) before pushing more of his thumb in "We need to make sure you're properly prepped to take Isamu."
"W-Why?" You stuttered out, cheeks feeling hot at the thought of taking that monster cock in your ass.
That had to count as double penetration and double cheating, right?
"You don't want to help him out?" Mel frowned at you and the disappointment on his face (however fake a part of you said it was) made your heart ache.
So, of course, you nodded and Mel smiled again, all wolfish and mischievous, obviously pleased with your answer.
He slowly fed more of his thumb into your ass, stretching it a bit more and pushing at your walls. You just took it obediently, your hips stilled by his strong calloused hands.
Then, when he thought you had enough of his thumb, he slowly took it out before replacing it with his fingers. That was definitely much thicker.
He started with one, which was easy to take. But then two felt impossible, especially when he started scissoring them, pushing your walls apart and forcing your ass to take it without moving your hips.
You whimpered and whined the entire time.
You think maybe Leonard came sometime while you were getting fingered but also maybe not because he continued fucking his own fist and desperately trying to hump your dick.
You still kept your hand on the base of your cock, trying your hardest to save that last handful of inches as if it would make a difference.
"What a good boy." Mel pressed a kiss to your lower back as he fucked his fingers in and out of you, the squelch of it just as obscene as the way your ass clenched and unclenched around his fingers
Then, finally, he pulled them out and didn't thrust them back in "I think you're ready for 'Samu's cock, don't you?"
You shook your head but you were too overwhelmed to really say anything else. The words just wouldn't come to your head. It seemed they just ignored your silent protest because Mel and Isamu switched spots swiftly.
Isamu put the blunt head of his dick to your ass and, before you could say anything, he was pushing in. And, god, he was absolutely hefty. Your hips were already trying their hardest to push forward, to get away, to do something against the stretch of it all.
"It's okay, you can do it, darling." Mel comforted you, his sticky hand rubbing up and down your back.
Isamu didn't seem to pay you any mind, absolutely enamoured by how your ass felt around him. He just kept going, pushing more and more in.
Probably the only thing stopping him from just pushing it all in one thrust was Mel's other hand on his lower stomach, reminding him to go slow.
Finally, after what felt like forever, his hips met your ass and you didn't feel like your guts were going to come out of your mouth anymore.
You sighed, relieved, only to cry out when you felt him pulling out and it was like he was taking everything with him.
There was another squirt of lube and then the second push in was much smoother but it didn't make it feel any less like he was carving his way into your guts.
"Give him your hand, darling." Mel suddenly ordered you when Isamu's hips met your ass again.
You complied, letting go of Leonard's ass so you could reach behind you and offer it to Isamu.
Isamu took your wrist and gave the inside of it a kiss before biting down. You screamed, of course, but you didn't think he bit hard enough to draw blood.
"I-Isamu?" You whimpered, looking over your shoulder at him with tears prickling your eyes.
Isamu just pressed gentle kisses to his bitemark and apologised. That was when you realised that the embarrassed shy flushed look on his face was gone, replaced with an almost feral determined shine in his eyes.
You couldn't even question him. You couldn't even open your mouth before he was drawing his hips back and fucking you with abandon.
You leaned your forehead against the nape of Leonard's neck again, moans and whimpers and whines leaving your lips as you felt Isamu fuck you with abandon.
Your grip on your cock tightened even more as you felt that familiar coil of heat in your stomach.
Then, without you noticing, you felt someone's lips against your ear. Mel? You couldn't tell, your brain felt like it was melting
"Give me your other hand too, darling."
You obeyed without even thinking and, with one hard thrust from Isamu, you were fully sheathed in Leonard. Immediately, you came spilling into Leonard's ass and Leonard moaned like a porn star when he felt it.
"I-- Hah! Uwah, came! I came! Wait-- I-- Hah, wait-- I, hah--" You panted, huffing and moaning as your toes curled and your body bended, plastering itself against Leonard.
Instead of stopping, Isamu just pressed himself tighter against you until the three of you were as close to each other as could be, Isamu's hips still jack rabbiting into yours, his cock pistoning in and out of you, causing your hips to fuck your cock (which should've been softening but was surprisingly still hard) in and out of Leonard.
Mel smirked, your hand in his, watching the three of you, a satisfied expression on his face. He pressed a kiss to your knuckles before wrapping your fingers around his cock.
Oh, how cute, you couldn't even wrap it entirely around. That was fine, he would come easily around your fingers. Just knowing it was you was enough to make him cum, after all.
Add the fact that now he knew you were theirs? Well, he'd cum in a couple pumps, no problem.
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Text
imperfectionist (vinny hong x jo!reader)
jay jo's imperfectionist sister meets the flawful vinny hong.
part 1
part 2
Tumblr media
pairing: vinny hong x jo!fem!reader
warnings: fem!reader, gifted!reader, cursing, mentions of blood & violence, mentions/flashbacks to vinny's shitty childhood. jo!reader (jay is reader's 1 year older brother, but they're in the same class), physical descriptions (resemblance to jay, jay's mother, heavily implied asian features) intelligent!reader, female rage, implications of academic pressure, middle child problems, second person's pov (you, you're, your), ANGSTY, lowkey self-indulgent, SPOILERS everywhere, includes momma bear vinny but then reader is also kind of a momma bear, reader is NOT yumi, but yumi still exists here. lmk if i forgot anyth
note: i can't stop tossing and turning while reading s4 lol. our vinny pls come back now im bawling my eyes rn
———
None of the recontres you had with Vinny Hong in the entirety of your life was normal.
The first time you encountered him was when you accidentally bumped into him in a vulnerable state while walking home under a light rain shower after a tiring day volunteering at the hospital your parents were working in. The light pouring rain hit your umbrella with soft thuds as you were finding your way through the alley you accidentally passed by after taking an alternative route, but getting a little lost in the process.
You shuddered when you heard a groan. You immediately looked around and kept your guard up in case it was a kidnapper. But no, it sounded like one of pain. Stopping your tracks and pulling over your feet, you looked around the alley. Your eyes expectantly scanned until your eyes found the source of the grumbling noise. There he was, slumped against the wall.
I knew it. you thought.
It was a man. How cliché. His head was bowed down so he couldn't see you. Let me guess, a high school boy was mobbed and injured somewhere and now is left to die in a dark alley to be found lifeless once the sun rises?
You scoffed. If only you had all the time in the world to be a delinquent, that will most likely be where you're meant for. These high school boys are wasting their lives when they unknowingly have the time to choose to be a better person. You discreetly envied how these kinds of people can still choose how they'll live their lives—regardless of presence of sense for separating actions between good and bad.
And so you walked past the alley.
Your steps slowed down as the man groaned again, this time followed by a rustle. A slight pang of guilt forming in the pit of your stomach. Damn it, this wasn't…
You reluctantly looked back to where the man sat. You've always sworn your life you wouldn't meddle in anything that wasn't your business. But for some reason, the guilt of having the ability to help but refusing to, drowned your fixed principle.
Just as you were having an inner banter with yourself, your feet made the decision for you instead and took you to him. You pushed the button on your umbrella to automatically close it, pointing the sharp end to the stranger. You weren't even sure if he's still alive because he suddenly quieted down after that last groan. Only the light from the nearest post gave you an unclear sight of the man and the fluff of his fiery red hair.
One of his hands fell limp on the floor while the other was covering his wound. It seemed like he's been in the same spot for minutes yet the distinct bright colour of fresh blood told you the injury happened not very a while ago. You weren't sure of how to approach him properly, so you lightly kicked his leg once, but he didn't respond. So you kicked him for the second time, this time, harder. Finally, he responded by quietly groaning in pain once again.
“Who… the hell… are you…?” He weakly questioned as looked up to squint and take in your face, but your figure was against the light from the lamp post, so your silhouette was the only thing he's capable of registering. Even when in pain, his voice still sounded atrocious. Like he's someone used to speaking to people harshly. Luckily, you weren't intimidated for a single bit. It'll take a lot more than harsh tones to drive you away. You've been there.
You fumbled inside your tote bag to search for your phone, “Who are you to ask?” When you got ahold of your phone, you turned the flashlight on and you got a clearer view of the blood oozing out of this stranger's side, staining his hand in the process. It looked like a stab wound, judging from the volume of the blood oozing out from the wound.
“As expected.” You raised your hand to point the sharp end of your umbrella to him once again. “I will help you. But if you attempt to do anything funny, I'll stab you on your other side, too.”
Your first option as was to call immediate professional help. As you tried to dial the hospital hotline to call an ambulance, your phone kept indicating there was no service. The signal's jammed. You almost threw your phone to the nearest wall out of frustration as you hit the side of it with your palm. You side-eyed the man behind you. Shit. Now what? This kind of stab wound is fatal, especially because he already lost plenty of blood beforehand. It wouldn't bleed that much if the penetration wasn't deep. It might have even hit a vital spot. Calling for help now will be difficult because of this deserted alley and the continuous pour of the rain didn't help either, plus, your phone has no service.
“..I don't need… your help...!” he glared at your silhouette and cursed himself as he shut his eyes tightly while attempting to sit upright, enduring the excruciating pain on his side.
“You're quite obnoxious for a dying man.” You looked around to search for more resources. This is a closed alley. If you leave him here for another minute to find help, he might completely lose his consciousness, he was already limp in the first place. You were left with no choice. Your hand hesitantly reached to fumble around your bag once again until you got an OS, gauze pads and sterilized medical stitching needles.
Your mother would be furious if ever she finds out you stitched a stranger's wounds. You can only imagine her yelling, “Patients are not your playthings and the Medical field is not your playground! Who are you to perform Medical procedures? You're not even a Doctor yet!” Yeah, for sure Dra. Jo wouldn't be so pleased to find out her daughter's attempt to fix someone up. You kneeled and looked at the stranger. You needed to gain his trust as professionally as possible.
“I won't ask your name since you're clearly hard to talk to. I'm [Y/N]. I'm no Guardian angel of yours. I do light voluntary work in hospitals and I have current trainings on how to attend to emergency patients. But I'm still a high school student so I'm not yet licensed. Anyway, going to a hospital will always be the safest option, but I have knowledge about stitching wounds, at least. I'm going to temporarily stitch you up really quick so you don't lose more blood, then we'll get you to a hospital once I find phone service.”
You surveyed his overall state, he looked very pale, although it's easy to tell that he's naturally pale, by losing a lot of blood, he's getting even paler each passing second. You were running out of time.
“Do you consent to this?” You asked him calmly through your glasses.
He breathed out heavily. You knew he was wary and reluctant. Which is understandable. But if it's not you, who else will do it? You heaved a sympathetic sigh. As you unemotionally tell him about the circumstances of his skepticality, that you well acknowledge.
“Hey, you might have a family member waiting for you at home. They would be devastated to just hear from the news that you were found dispatched and lifeless out here in the morning.” you looked around, left and right. “I won't force your consent out. I haven't touched you anywhere yet and I wouldn't if you don't want me to, so I can just leave you here, without me being a potential suspect of your murder. But you should probably think about the ones that didn't know their last sight of you alive was the last they'll get, ever.”
He looks at you for a few seconds while he grits his teeth, before he slowly, lightly nods. Shutting his eyes and removing his hand from covering the wound, implying that he had put his trust in you.
You checked his carotid pulse first. Just as you thought. Erratic and weakened. And then looked over to watch the shallow rise and fall of his shoulders. Shallow breathing... He definitely lost a high volume of blood already. You hastily started disinfecting everything—your hands, the tools, even the gloves. You checked his expression. You gave him a heads-up before lifting the side of his shirt to attend to the wound properly. You began working up and stitching the wound on his right side. You looked at his face once again that's being covered by the shade of the unfinished constructions caging the alley, while going through your first stitch.
“I'm sorry, this is the only option, for now. I'll find more professional help after this.”
He had no more energy left to open his mouth and reply. He grunts in pain while you were busy ushing the needle through-and-through. You asked him to bite down on a cloth while enduring the pain, since you didn't have anesthesia and he can feel every poke of the needle on his skin. You stitched him with precision with your skilled hands. Your hands were painted crimson red during the process.
This wasn't your first time stitching. You've done this a couple of times—but only to a simulator. You pulled yourself together as you kept in mind that a person's life is in your hands this time.
While you were focusing on the stitches, all the stranger can muster are croaky groans, as the pain of the wound and the stitches stung, so you tried to do it faster. When you were done, while wiping your blood-stained hands, you noticed how his chest was rising and falling rapidly as he was wincing in pain. He tried to look up at you again, but his sight of you was blurry.
“Don't worry, that'll be removed at once when you're taken to the hospital. What I did is only first aid, and you already lost a lot of blood so we still need to get you to the hospital as soon as possible.”
You pushed your knees to stand up and find phone signal, but before you can, his hand rose and reached for yours.
“No.” He clutched your hand to stop you. His hand was rough—and also large. You have large hands for a female, but his hand almost completely enveloped yours.
The side of your lips shifted downward while looking down at him. “You must really want to die.”
He gripped your hand tightly from the severe pain he's enduring. You know how much pain he's going through right now and he didn't mean to do so, so you let him squeeze your hand.
“I would rather die… than pay a hospital bill.” he weakly held on to you, falling completely unconscious. His head fell on your lap. You furrowed your brows and put his head into a more comfortable position.
Oh, so he was serious on dying?
You coming to his rescue definitely doesn't just end with a few stitches.
***
please bear with me, you guys. i wrote this way past my bedtime before a 7am class so it's yet still unedited lol ! always remember to put seeking professional help as top priority if you ever encounter this kinda scenario irl
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