#trying to connect w. my roots

[somnambulic-thing]

This fic is part II of my come as you are universe but can be read as a standalone.

Series Masterlist

bendy Eddie Munson x gn!Reader with vagina&boobs, we're early 20s, E 18+ smut smut smut

Words: 3.3k

|new relationship/former best friends, fluff, pining, smut, fingering, piv, Eddie gives himself head for you, cuddling, intimacy af, silly and a little cheesy|

A/N: I kinda fell in love with those two and have two more parts partly written already. Some fics are very fun to do research for, this is one of those. If you feel like any acts in this fic are unrealistic: I don't care.

Big thanks to my cheerleaders @bettyfrommars and R<3 for the help with that story.

If you want to be tagged for the next part, reblog this post and tag it with #somnatags1 and I put you on the list

Comments and reblogs are so appreciated you have no idea.

“Eddie?”

“Mhh?”

Slouched against the wall behind his bed, Eddie doesn’t look up from the guitar in his lap. He’s dressed in nothing than grey boxers and a sun-bleached shirt that misses sleeves and most of the sides. You could fit your head in there easily, breathe him in, graze your teeth lightly over his nipple, flick it with your tongue. Your skin would prickle with anticipation of the reward you would get for your teasing. When you were lucky he would let out one of those deep, shaky hums. Your forehead pressed against his sternum you would feel the fine vibration through his skin—

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” he mumbles, busy fingers turning the keys to loosen the strings he’s about to exchange for new ones, always two at a time. He could do this in his sleep, so you assume the lack of response means he’s mulling over the setlist for tomorrow night again. You never knew when the right guy with the right connections would be in the crowd after all.

You’re soaked through your underwear.

Seeing Eddie like this, completely immersed in his element and lost to the world, was already an infallible way to make you lose your mind. But you have been mulling something over as well as you watched him the past twenty minutes and the thought had you softly grinding against the cushion of the armchair. Wouldn’t be a surprise if you left a damp spot behind.

“Did you ever try to blow yourself?”

The unplugged guitar cries a discordant noise as his fingers twitch and slip. His head shoots up, eyes wide and dark, voice a high rasp. Like something itchy got stuck in his throat.

“W-what?”

The thought wasn’t new. In fact, it hadn’t been a full week after Eddie and you had finally and officially deepened your years-long relationship from friends to lovers when the thought came to you for the first time. In the days prior, there had been many thoughts, many fantasies. Some whispered against sweaty skin in gentle request, others moaned in urgent demand. Every free minute spent exploring each other’s bodies in new and thrilling ways, tangled together in one sticky writhing mess.

It had just been a blip - the thought - just a flicker in your mind.

Eddie had told you about his day. Standing in the middle of his room, bend over, hugging the back of his tights and his chest pressed almost flush against them. It was casual. No strain. Just Eddie being Eddie.

And suddenly… oh… oh!

He had unbent himself, cheeks a pretty pink from dangling upside down and pulled his shirt over his head. “Oh, and I missed you the whole fucking time,” he said softly, grinning at you out of a cloud of messy hair. The thought was gone forgotten obliterated when he climbed into the bed with you and straddled your hips.

But a seed had been planted and the soil was more than fertile.

The man couldn’t keep still; was always climbing things, spending ages comfortably squatting in one place, or bent like a pretzel wherever he settled down for more than five minutes. With each display of his ridiculous flexibility, the thought took root. Fuck by fuck, restraint and inhibition dissolved, giving way to trust and desire, nurturing that young, delicate sprout.

What it had grown into over the past months had finally borne fruit; plump and juicy and ready for harvest. The curiosity was killing you. You had to pluck it right now.

“Did you ever try to suck your cock?”

“Jesus,” he huffs and runs both hands through his hair, wavy strands wildly sticking out from between his fingers as he holds on to his roots. His pointy elbows press together in front of his face, obstructing the view you had daydreamed about so many times.

Eddie Munson has a busted-face you can usually spot from five miles away. You’re almost sure that’s what he’s trying to hide from you. There’s a sudden abundance of saliva in your mouth and you swallow hard to keep from drowning.

“You have, haven’t you?”

“Uhm, I—“ he stretches the vowel like a rubber band. “You know…”

“Ed, it’s me.”

He shifts one arm to the side and peeks out at you. “Yes,” he says on a massive exhale as if confessing a sin that had weighed on him for centuries. “Yeah, I’ve tried.”

“And?”

“A-and?”

You lean forward on the chair. The motion spreads the wetness in your underwear. “Can you do it?”

“Jesus…”

“Hey,” you say softly, “are you ashamed?”

It wouldn’t be the first time, not for either of you. Sometimes intimacy was just scary with the possibility of rejection or worse, ridicule, while all the sensitive bits lay bare and on display. But it’s the first time you had seen him at such a loss for words.

“I’m not… ashamed,“ he finally drops his hands to the mattress with a stereo thump. His face is flushed a bright red that’s spreading down his neck; he looks like he’s catching fire from the inside.

“Because there’s no reason for that. You know that, right?”

“Right.”

“I’m just curious.”

“Mhhh,” he hums and his gaze drifts away from your face to the ceiling above your head.

“Babe, do you want me to drop it?”

“Nope.” The corners of his mouth twitch and while it’s not a full smile, there’s a hint of dimples. He looks a little dazed and his voice sounds suitably viscous. “Don’t want you to drop it.”

He takes the guitar in his lap by the neck and bends over the side of the bed to lean it against the nightstand. When he shifts back, he wiggles his hips and slides a little further down the wall. “Definitely don’t want you to drop it,” he says and grabs his hard cock through the fabric of his boxers, hips twitching up at the touch.

It’s a sight you’ll never get used to; Eddie being flustered and hard for you. The squeeze of your thighs is ridiculously insufficient against the throbbing in your cunt. You pull your bottom lip between your teeth.

It’s your turn to be speechless.

Eddie grins, the tip of his tongue poking out between curled lips. He’s stroking himself lazily. “You can’t just say shit like that without a warning. I swear you cut off the blood flow to my brain for a few seconds.”

“Was just a question. I had to start somewhere.”

He laughs, deep and sultry. “Just a question— Sweetheart, you know how my imagination runs away with me.”

“Where did it go?”

“Uhm, shit.” He swallows and the hand on his cock stops moving. You see the muscles in his belly tense. “Making myself come on my face for you… and in my mouth.”

You slide your hand between your thighs with sudden urgency, moaning as your fingers press against your clit.

“Fuck,” Eddie moans too. “You like that?”

“Oh god, yes!”

“Come here,” he says and holds both arms out for you.

You move so fast you almost stumble. Eddie pulls you into his lap as soon as his hands can reach you, greedy and excited, just like his tongue when it slips past your lips. Grinding your crotch against his hard length, you suck the moan from his mouth. You swear you can taste it, sweet and juicy and dripping from your chin.

“So, you can do it?” you ask and pull his head back by his hair to access his neck, leaving him his mouth to talk for now. He groans and digs his fingers into your hips as you softly run your teeth over his skin in search of a spot to sink them into.

“Yeah, like, a little. Not all the way, fuck… Not… not even like half the way but— fuck, baby.”  Eddie’s nails dig into your back when you bite him and his thighs tremble beneath you. “Shiiit the way this is turning you on, don’t want you to be disappointed.”

You sit up, confused. “Why would I be disappointed?”

“It’s been a while and I have no idea if I still can do it.”

“Eddie, listen,” you cradle his face in your hands and smooth your thumbs over his cheekbones. It does the trick to ease the tension from his worried brows but there’s still some flickering in those big brown eyes.

“M’ listening.”

“I won’t be disappointed.”

You realize how hard he’s holding on to you when his vice grip on your left hip vanishes. His hand slides between your thighs, fingers trembling ever so slightly and you can’t but grind down when he presses two firmly against your cunt.

His eyes roll up before they find you again under heavy lids. “You say that now, but you’re soaking my dick through several layers of fabric here, sweetheart—“

You shut him up with a kiss, smiling against his lips as the initial noise of protest turns into an avid sigh. You sneak your fingers into his hair to scratch his scalp with practised finesse and Eddie goes boneless. He’s holding onto the back of your shirt with both fists and just melts into you.

“Better?” you ask drawing back to see his face. His expression is soft, cheeks flushed and he bites his lower lip and nods. “Good. M’ just going to suck you off myself when you can’t do it, no big deal.”

“Hey!”  he complains. “That’s not what you called him the last time. Or the time before that. Or— hnng ahh.“

You reached down into his boxers to grab him, sliding your thumb back and forth over the tip. “Silly man.”

“Uh-hnn, but it always pays off.” He closes his eyes, enjoying your lazy strokes for a while before he looks at you again. “So, uh… you want me to try it?”

“You wanna try it now?”

“I’m getting kinda desperate here.”

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself in a horny hurry. You have a show tomorrow.”

He laughs and places a kiss on your cheek. “I’m not going to force it,” he says and breaks out into a wicked grin. “I heard I’m getting my dick sucked either way.”

You look at each other for a moment, both grinning and giddy. “Alright,” you say and then you both scramble to take your clothes off.

It’s a quick and silly affair with garments flying through the room left and right, with giggles and stolen kisses. Eddie’s hand slips between your legs. Swift fingers part your lips and rub soft circles around your clit. You slump against his shoulder and he laughs darkly.

“Knew I’m not the only one who’s desperate here,” he says and sinks two fingers into you. “You’re going to drown us. Jesus. Let me take care of you first. M’ dying to taste you.”

“Oh!”

Eddie pulls up his brows. “Oh?”

You put your palms on his chest—

“What are you doing?”

— and push him down on his back. “M’ taking a seat,” you say, straddling his hips, hovering.

“O-okay.”

“You said you want to taste me—“ Reaching down, you line up his cock.

“Yeah, but why— what— fuuuck,” he groans as you sink down on him slowly. You shiver and moan with every inch that stretches you gloriously, not taking your eyes off Eddie’s ecstatic face.

 “Fuck! So good…” He grits out when you’re fully seated. “I’m so confused.”

Wiggling your hips, you lean down to rub your nose against Eddie’s. “I’m making sure you can taste me—“

“Jesus Christ!”

“Got it?”

Eddie wraps his arms around you and pulls you flush against him. You can feel his stomach tense and his cock twitch inside you. His voice is whiny and when he speaks it sounds like one long word. “Don’t you move or it’s fucking over in two seconds Jesus you’re killing me you are going to be my demise holy fuck.”

“Take a breath, babe.” You chuckle against his neck. “Hmm, you feel so goo—“

“Shut up, demon.” 

You press your lips together to keep from laughing. Eddie is holding you tight, breath deep and heavy, in an effort to calm himself down. It takes all of your willpower to not stick your tongue out to taste his neck, not to tell him how full and complete you feel with him inside of you. He twitches again and you can’t keep in a moan.

“Oh god,” he laughs, strained and raspy. “I’m not strong enough for this.”

“Shall I dismount?”

“Not yet.”

He kisses your temple, smoothes his hands over your back up and down and up again and he’s warm and now slightly sweaty and he smells like tea tree shampoo and old spice and the incense he keeps in stock just for you but secretly burns when he’s by himself as well.

“I love you,” he whispers into your hair.

You lift your head and find the softest of smiles and you have to kiss it and kiss it and kiss it again.

“Love you too, Munson.”

He hums and kisses you once more. “Get off now. Before I’m going to fucking explode.”

“So,” you ask while you slowly lift off of him, “how is this going to work?”

Eddie pats the bed next to him. “Lay down.”

While you settle down next to him on your side with your head propped up on your palm, Eddie pulls his knees to his chest.

“Oh,” you say, a wave of heat rising up in your chest. “You’re getting your cute little ass into the air?”

He rolls his eyes and turns his face to the ceiling. “Gravity helps, okay?”

“I’m not complaining.”

He lifts his knees to gain momentum and swings his hip up into the air. You follow every movement with your eyes. The way his back arches and the skin of his tummy scrunches together in soft wrinkles. His hands move to his back to keep him steady and he takes a moment to find balance.

“You ok?”

“Uh-hm,” he huffs and glances over to you. “Taking it slowly.”

The excitement settles hot in your chest, and you’re breathing faster. You slide your hand down and between your legs, palming your pussy. Eddie picks up on the motion and looks away with a groan, staring at his flushed, swollen cock hanging right above his face, still glistening wet with your slick. He groans again and closes his eyes.

“It’s so pretty, isn’t it?” your sigh and press a finger against your clit.

Eddie hums and moves, lowering his hips closer to his face.

“Can I help?”

“Nope,” he pops the p and shakes his head, eyes still closed and lowers his hips again. There’s maybe a hand width left between his face and the tip of his cock. You start circling your clit slowly, moan softly as warmth builds up in your pelvis.

“Feels good?” he asks and the distance shrinks again.

“Really good. The visuals help. You should give it a try.”

He chuckles. “Am I close?”

“Eddie, open your eyes.”

He not only opens his eyes, but stares mesmerized at his erection. “Good news,” he groans and you’re stomach starts fluttering like a swarm of bats.

“Oh god,” you breathe out and speed up your fingers. “You sure?”

He lowers himself again, now so close. “You have a good view? Need to make any adjustments?”

You quickly shuffle around, rest your head lower and put your hand back between your thighs. “I’m good.”

Eddie shifts his eyes over to you and takes a deep breath before he looks back. “Fucking hell,” he mumbles and then he sticks out his tongue and gives the underside of the tip a lick.

“Eddie,” you moan, hips twitching against your fingers as he does it again. “You’re gorgeous, so gorgeous…”

“Shiiit,” he breathes out and lowers his hips a little more, reaching the rim of his tip now. And he gives it a swirl, moaning deeply.

“Feels good?” you ask, trying to mimic with your fingers on your clit what Eddie’s tongue does to his cock.

“Yeah,” he breathes out harshly. “I can fucking taste you, t’s driving me insane.”

“Can you give it a kiss for me?”

“Baby,” he whines and shuffles his shoulders, gives himself another lick and then presses his full soft lips against the swollen tip of his cock. “

“You look so good,” you moan and quickly dip a finger into your hole, before you press down firmly on your clit. “Can you make yourself come for me, Eddie?”

“Demon,” he huffs and shuffles again. His hips lift up for a moment. When he lowers them down again you gasp, electricity surging through you as he slowly sucks most of the tip into his mouth. His cheeks hollow slightly and the tip of his tongue pokes out, sliding back and forth over the sensitive skin. You sink your fingers into your clenching cunt and press your palm to your clit, moaning loudly in unison with Eddie.

“God I love your mouth so much, how it makes you feel good—“

“Close—“ he huffs and sucks the whole tip in this time. The way his lips stretch around it, how eagerly his tongue tries to reach as far as it can. You can hear in the noises he makes that he’s almost there. Your hand stills. You’re mesmerized. You don’t want to blink, don’t want to miss one second of this spectacle. Eddie is trembling with strain and lust. It’s obscene.

“Come on, Eddie. Suck that big cock with your pretty mouth for me. Come for me.”

And with a yelp, Eddie comes just like you demanded. His tip slips from his mouth as his back straightens slightly and he digs his hands in to keep steady. His release comes in hard spasms that make his cock twitch and bop and his balls pump his cum all over his face. Eyes shut tight, mouth wide open and panting and he sticks his tongue out to get a taste of himself. You shower him with praises, you’re ecstatic and a little dizzy.

His cock is still twitching when Eddie let’s go and his legs drop back to the mattress. When he tries to open his eyes, they roll up and shut again. His hand comes up and searches for you. You intertwine your fingers with his and he pulls you down.

“Kiss me,” he demands with raspy shallow breaths.

You taste the both of you on his tongue, tangy and salty and sweet and he grins against your mouth when the sensation makes you whimper.

“As good as imagined?” he asks and nibbles on your bottom lip.

“You kidding me? This was so much better. I could cry.”

And sure enough, when he opens his eyes to look at you, he finds your eyes wet with tears. A satisfied grin spreads over his face. He turns to his side and pulls you against his chest. You breathe him in, feel a hum vibrating through his chest.

“What about you?” you ask.

“Oh, I’m spectacular, sweetheart.” He looks down and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Blissed out and covered in cum. Let’s do it again tomorrow.”

You grunt a laugh. “Did I awaken a monster?”

“Yepp, gonna join the circus now.”

“Bendy bastard,” you chuckle and push yourself up to face him. His eyes are soft and so is his smile. He looks completely spent. You kiss him again, slide your tongue over his lower lip right to the corner and from there up his cheek.

With his eyes closed Eddie clears his throat. “Uh, are you licking my cum from my face?”

You answer with a hum and a lick of your lips when he peeks at you with one eye. You feel his cock twitch against your thigh.

He throws his head back and groans, then pushes you to your back.

“Wha—“

“Gonna have to fuck you now,” he says like you’re a bit slow and lowers himself between your legs, sinking his teeth into your thigh. “Starting with the feast I was denied earlier. Too bad you can’t reach the table.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #my writing #Eddie Munson smut #my fic

[double--blind]

(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation

So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?

We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive

It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.

(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)

Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.

Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.

You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.

This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.

It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.

Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.

By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.

It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?

Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?

Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.

Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.

It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.

So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.

Becomes worse.

#honestly??? it's bc he's everything to her that the decay ending where she shoots him is so messed up #so much sadder #I've got something abt that in my drafts somewhere #it might not see the light of day so I'll just say: #imo she isn't shooting Andy‚ she's shooting Andrew #bc if he's so far gone he'd kill her #then her beloved is already dead #the coffin of andy and leyley #tcoaal #ashley graves #coffincest #character analysis #txt post #this is all my interpretation btw hope no one presumes I'm pushing these analyses as fact #to the ppl who read these ty.... you have my heart...... 🫶

[blue-sadie]

Five Stages Of Feelings

Neteyam x Na'vi Reader

Summary: the decision to go looking for you was the best decision he ever made

Warning: enemies to lovers, hurt reader

3rd person pov

The village knew of the rivalry between the oldest son of jake sully and the daughter of ninat, they fought for the title of best hunter of their age group but it only ended in punishment.

"This is your fault" yn hissed bumping shoulders with neteyam as she passed him, neteyam growled and grabbed yns wrist pulling her to look at him, his tall figure looming over her.

"Its not my fault you don't know how to shut your mouth" he spat, the two were paired on a hunting trip his father thinking it would be a good 'bonding' experience but the two started bickering scaring off the pray.

"Then you should've giving me a bloody arrow" yn pulled her wrist from him harshly causing her to stumble and fall into the mud the mud splattering over her body, neteyam burst out laughing he bent over clenching his stomach trying to catch his breath.

Yn huffed and got up stumping off into the woods "your going to get us in more trouble" neteyam called after her but when she didn't to back he huffed rolling his eyes and went his own separate way back to the village.

He took a seat at the end of the village watching the trees carefully this is the way you'll be coming back and he just wants to annoy you further but when you didn't arrive at eclipse a feeling started to tug at his heart.

Worry? Guilt? No why would he feel any of those he let out a forced laugh he hates you he wouldn't care if you went missing it would actually be better for him.

He waited for a few minutes and slowly started to pace his eyes still trained towards the forest he slowly became more aggregated with himself "ah fuck it" he cursed loudly and walked into the woods.

His tracking skills helping him very much "your going to be the death of me yn" he grumbled slowly climbing over the roots that was in his path, his ears flickered as he heard it.

A whimper of pain, he crouched low to the ground slowly making his way to the sound his eyes looking around for any predators that might be lurking.

"Yn" he whispered as he caught sight of you laying on the ground his breath caught in his throat as they ran over your body noticing the blood "fuck" he muttered and jumped to your side.

His hands wavered as they hovered over you he didn't know what to do "w-what happened" he choked as he moved his gaze to your eyes his heart clenching as he saw the tears rolling down your face.

"V-viperwolfs" you grunted, neteyam quickly slid his hands under your body trying to pick you up but you cried out in pain "c-cant" you weakly pushed him away as you spoke.

He grabbed your hands holding them tightly "I have to get you back" he said his voice filled with concern but you just shook your head "n-not gonna make it" you cried making him shed a tear of his own as he shook his head.

"I'm not gonna let you die" his voice was dipping as he slowly lifted your hands to his chest "you can't die" he murmured making yn giggle which turned into a coughing fit "starting to sound like you care about me sully" you panted he nodded his head.

"I do surprisingly" he smiled sadly "is it bad I think the same" yn said making neteyam chuckle and shake his head "I think it's perfect" he whispered and leaned down connecting their lips together in a quick kiss before pulling back just leaving a inche between them.

"Neteyam" he hummed in response, yn shifted slightly taking out a fruit that was underneath her, neteyam frowned in confusion intill he saw that the fruits juice had a blood like texture he looked between the fruit and yn making her smile nervously.

"Lo'ak and kiri put me up to it but I'm glad we feel the same way" she giggled slowly sitting up he narrowed his eyes at her growling slightly.

"I'll get you back one way or another"

Tag.List

@laylasbunbunny @neteyamyawne @sweetirilly @greekgods15 @erenjaegerwifee

#avatar #avatar x reader #avatar pandora #avatar way of water #avatar x reader fluff #avatar fluff #neteyam sully #neteyam x reader #neteyam #neteyam fluff #neteyam x reader fluff #avatar pandora fluff #avatar fanfic

[monstas1ut]

Empty Headed

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI x black!reader

Summary

__ +18 bratty!black!reader gets her guts rearranged after finally ticking off her husband, now she’s all dumb off of her husband’s dick with drool coming out of her mouth and eyes rolled in the back of her head.. and Byakuya could care less.

Content

__ black!reader, female!reader, rough!Byakuya, reader makes Byakuya a meanie pants, choking, choking with a tie, dirty talk, squirting, doggystyle, clothed sex, dumbification, oral, “good girl” once or twice, choking, overstimulation, no condom y’all are married, lace front malfunction :(

___ brown skin can be dark, light, medium color.. whatever. brown is brown.. and it's gorgeous

A/n

__ I’m back, my bad y’all

Those prominent veins were like tree roots deep in an ethereal forest. The way they connected, the raised texture of them, and the way they felt against your brown skin was heavenly. Byakuya Kuchiki had the prettiest attributes, and his veins were one of them. And as his perfect little wife, you’ve managed to memorize all of the Kuchiki heir’s perfectly natural attributes. The way his hair felt, the way his face showed little to no expression even when happy, and the way his veins would flex even more when he’d get all angry…

Who knew that the veins on his cock also protruded when his anger released above the surface. And as a perfect little wife, you had to memorize that too.

But that wasn’t all that hard when his pretty cock was stuck in the back of your throat.

The sweet taste of Byakuya’s slick precum edged you on as your tongue felt the underside of his unforgiving cock. Proportionate, long, and pretty. Those three words summed up your husband’s cock. It was pale, a contrast to your pretty brown sugar kissed skin. It was a contrast to those dark lined, glossy lips that were wrapped around it. And Byakuya loved it. Truthfully, he couldn’t get enough, and this was the exact moment to take advantage.

“Prove to me that you will cease every bit of attitude when I’m done with you, and If I sense anything other than obedience, I will corrupt your body without any remorse.”

Only loud breaths remained. Ropes of slimy saliva connected from the pink cock tip to your plump lips. Arousal hit right between your legs once Byakuya spoke to you in such a manner, and you couldn’t help but make it worse. And with bared lips and a brattish expression, you completely ignored his efforts at cutting this short. You’ve already sparked his flame at a formal event, and now you’re playing this absurd game.

Byakuya didn’t have time for it.

“Such blatant ignorance. You absolutely disgust me when you act this way. No matter, you won’t be able to act in such a manner when your pretty head is empty am I right…?” Byakuya’s voice rumbled from the depths of hell. His care and regard for your feelings dispersed into thin air the second you agreed with your conscience on being a slutty brat. The royal didn’t care anymore, he only cared about setting his woman straight, because she’s obviously lost her mind.

And with a cocky smirk etching onto your face, all while you were on your knees, you managed to try to talk. Even if you were being disciplined in this thin-walled hotel room, you still managed to conjure up the audacity… “Fuck-..”

Unfortunately it was cut short, and the thin lace that was glued to the skin on your hairline felt an enormous amount of tugging when Byakuya’s large, elegant hands gripped at the long, wavy hair. Both sides were balled up in his fists, and he pulled you forward as if you bore horns. Then, his pretty pink cockhead forced its way into your wide mouth just to shut you up once again.

“It was a rhetorical question, darling… or are you already more empty headed than before…?”

Cold as his words were, you definitely decided that you deserved this. After the raunchy attitude at the main floor, Byakuya managed to shoot a few looks your way. These looks did nothing but make it worse, and in all honesty, you knew what you were doing. But you figured the Kuchiki heir was going to drop it and go on about the day.

Being dragged back to the luxurious hotel room only to be brain fucked wasn’t anything you would’ve thought of. Byakuya’s mentality wasn’t like that, but as you drooled and breathed in with much trouble, you were obviously wrong. The feeling of Byakuya’s rock hard cock slipping down your throat with each passing thrust was exhilarating. It brought life to your pussy in many new ways. The roughness, the way he spoke, and his eyes. His dark colored eyes showed dominance that made your e/c irises turn into plump hearts.

“That’s a good girl… There's obviously potential for you to act sensible.” Byakuya hissed, his eyebrows only slightly furrowing with pained annoyance. Yet, watching you gag on his well endowed cock was soothing it oh so slowly but surely. He adored the way your eyes would squeeze shut with tears. He adored the way it sounded when his cock would hit the back of your throat. And to be honest, he’d love to hear more of your pathetic struggling. But the formal celebration needed him to speak soon, and Byakuya couldn’t miss it just for your behavior.

In a snap, you felt like you could barely breathe. The urge to gag and choke was so intense that you began to whine and flail just a little. Byakuya is usually so gentle when handling you, but the fact that your lips were touching his pelvis was indescribable. His long cock was digging deep into your soul, and you felt so dumb for liking it. Your pussy was so wet right now that it seeped through the white sundress that caressed your curves. It was a simple pairing to Byakuya’s suit which was black and white.. and he looked damn good when he finally released your bundles and leaned back to watch you struggle to breathe with saliva and precum spilling softly out of your mouth.

“Contain yourself.. speak and you will not leave this room today..” His words were like knives, but the way he said it felt like a shadow monster waiting to strike. It had given you trembles, and you obeyed him graciously. While sitting there on the cold floor, you were already regretting your actions prior. With how Byakuya’s cock was still leaking precum and pulsating.. you were in for it.

Those same bulging veins greeted you with dangerous intent. Byakuya’s soft, lengthy fingers pulled lazily at his black silky tie before he began removing his suit jacket. The idea wasn’t to completely wreck you, but as the taste of your suffering touched him, he wanted more.

“Clean it up, love…” Your husband was practically chuckling even if he didn’t fully express it. His hands gripped at his tie with thoughts roaming his filled brain. Lustful eyes stared down at you while your pretty acrylic nails glistened around his cock. Your mouth slurped up the naughty combination of precum and spit while bobbing your head eagerly. This caused Byakuya’s spicy moan to release from his throat. He’s been keeping quiet, but as he neared his orgasm, he couldn’t resist.

Byakuya didn’t want to cum just yet though.

Both of your hands were around that pretty cock, saliva dripping down your chin once again as your lips caressed him up and down. You barely even noticed the silky fabric that was being wrapped around your neck. However, the feeling of being forced off his cock was surprising. It made you gasp loudly as the thick cock slapped against your face once you let it free.. your hand eventually made its way back around it before you started to caress it against your face.

“Want it…Baby please…” it sounded like a purr, and Byakuya couldn’t resist. You might’ve been a brat today, but as he looked at you with your struggling lace, dried up spit on your chin, he only wanted to be inside of you. “Beg once more…” Byakuya’s voice sounded even more husky than before, his sharp eyes staring deep into yours.

“Please.. Baby, I want your dick so bad..”

Byakuya truly loved when you’d talk dirty to him, he absolutely loved it. He didn’t know for sure if it was the fact that you were bold or if you really just turned drunk over his cock. Either way, he loved it so much that he decided to stand up. His eyes didn’t leave you, especially since you looked so tempting while looking up at him like this. But with swift movement and your arms reaching up, Byakuya’s picked you up and took you to the hotel bed that was just the right height…

Now, Byakuya rarely puts you in doggystyle, it’s not sensual to him. However, he still wanted to teach you a lesson. So as you put your knees on the bed and leaned forward into a sweet arch, Byakuya’s hand already grabbed the tie that was still around your neck… and to think you forgot about it.

The feeling of your oxygen slightly being cut off made your pussy drool even more. His body was right behind yours and he didn’t hesitate to slide the long dress up to your torso. It revealed a pretty black thong that disappeared nicely in between your cheeks. To be honest, Byakuya didn’t care about body.. but the way your pretty brown skin was under this light… and the way your ass jiggled. He barely could contain his excitement. The heir couldn’t even control how fast he pressed his tip against your clit when he pulled the fabric to the side.

“I am going to fuck you. I am not going to make love to you because you do not deserve it… However, I do love you my dear, even if it’ll feel as if I think of you as nothing..”

Each word gave you a shock through your spine, each word felt like spikes under your feet. It all felt scary in a way because you’ve never heard your husband speak this way.. and frankly, he’s always called sex : ‘making love’. Byakuya saying he was going to fuck you made this experience all the more blood rushing. But you had no choice but to keep your back arched and control your breathing, because as Byakuya pulled you back by that silky tie, you slid right onto his pale cock. Your brown pussy opened right up for him, and your eyes widened before hazily staring at the bed frame in front of you.

“Don’t… Dont move” As calm and relaxed as Byakuya may seem, he cannot explain how hard it was to keep his orgasm at bay. Everytime he slides inside your tight pussy, he finds himself fighting against his own cock. It caused him to tighten the tie, which caused a chain reaction to your insides which also gripped around him. “You only make things more difficult… but yet, I am still married to you because I have a tendency to gain a high from your actions..”

Byakuya sounded ashamed of himself, but it went away in a swift fashion before the gushy sounds of your cunt started to echo. That sweet, pale cock was slowly maneuvering through you in slow strokes. The tiny ring of pre-cum was at the fair base of Byakuya’s cock now, however it was getting worse. With your wet pussy leaking all between your legs and his cock, the bed was slightly soaked.

“A-Ah~…B-Bya… kuya… fuck”

With a moan following the harsh swear word, Byakuya wrapped the tie around his fist once as he slightly leaned back to watch your fat brown ass take over his pelvis each time it would hit it. “Won’t my bratty wife talk filthy to me…? I’m sure she will.. yes?” With furrowed eyebrows, Byakuya shivered. His cock felt the pulsing around it, and the moans exiting from you made him release his own husky moans. His pretty, long, raven colored hair draped over your ass as he watched it bounce.

“Yes~… choke me more~… M’gonna cum so fuckin’ hard on that Dick… just keep… keep chokin’ me please~…” So pathetic you sounded, and Byakuya loved it, he ached for you to sound slutty. Sure, on the outside it seemed as if you both were all so classy and expensive, but when that door shuts it’s completely different. Byakuya urges you to lose it. He adores watching your pussy stretch out for him, and he loves when your pretty e/c eyes roll back before whining… because that’s when he knows you’re going to cum all over him.

And Byakuya loves a good mess.

“You do know it’s not over until you make a bit of a mess… right?” Byakuya practically demanded you to agree at the end, his breath running away from him as he let go of the tie, feeling as if it wasn’t doing as much justice as he wanted it to. And those elegant hands of his took hold of your neck, both of them. Oh did your pussy squirt the second he squeezed and pushed your head into that bed.

“Ah! Ah!… S-Stop… Fuck! Oh fuck~…”

Nothing but hearts were in your eyes, again. It felt like you lost vision and lost all ability to breathe as Byakuya’s cock went almost lightning fast. His hips snapped against your tight core, fighting against the pressure as your pussy gushed the honeyed substance on his cock and the hotel bed. Byakuya was purposely overstimulating your poor pussy as you struggled out moans. He didn’t care if you were all worn out and tired from the extreme orgasm, it just began.

“As you should remember… you have no authority to tell me to stop as of now. I also remember asking you to stop being a brat. You failed to listen, my dear..” Byakuya might have been a little harsh, but his words didn’t falter. He immediately turned you over on your back, his hands pulling down the top of your dress to show your pretty, darker brown areolas.

“I now will fail to listen to you as I use you like a pathetic toy” Byakuya’s voice smoothed over your ears as he leaned down gently. His hands slowly ran under your thighs before pushing them forward very harshly. Byakuya couldn’t help it, your pussy was so gorgeous like this, your body looked so precious like this. And the way his eyes trailed over your body, it made you feel just like prey. “It’s in my fucking guts… kuya…” you sharply moaned as the feeling of his cock slid right back inside of you. He pushed your legs open more with his arms as his hands were now against the bed.

“Byakuya~” with hazy eyes and drool sliding down your face, you listened to everything. Everything sounded absolutely raw. The bed frame hitting the wall, your skin slapping together, your whiny moans, his light groans, and your sloppy pussy all made this better. Curling your white toes as they stayed in those pretty open heels , golden just like your brown skin. This was the most submissive you’ve ever appeared, and the Kuchiki heir loved it.

“Damn it…” although rare, Byakuya did have to curse, it slipped merely because of your existence. He couldn’t fathom being with someone else even with your bratty little attitude. You just needed his cock, and it straightened you up. All you needed was to be pounded into, breasts bouncing prettily all with your mouth open. His veins up against your walls was all you needed right now. It made you feel dumb because that’s all you could think about.. your husband and his veiny pale cock that was beating your pussy in.

Byakuya’s cock never went this fast inside of you, and it was evident because you couldn’t handle it. With unstable moans and the constant looks at Byakuya waiting for him to give you a break, it was obvious. You kept holding your head up with a pleading face, your legs could barely stay open by themselves which is why his arms were there for support. You couldn’t even tell what was going on anymore. Everything was going blank and your mind was cock filled.

You were dumb off his cock.

Your pretty eyes rolled with furrowed eyebrows, giving Byakuya a rush. He knew he himself was close to cumming, and he could feel your insides trying to push him out. “M’gonna cum… M’gonna cum all over that fuckin dick , kuya…” you gasped in between, unable to try and stop your orgasm from peaking so hard. “Let me feel it..”

There was no need in telling you another time. Your next orgasm came rushing as you squeezed hard around him. His jaw clenched before letting out a string of clearly heard moans. His white, thick cum splashed your walls that color, and it was so far inside that when he filled you up, barely any came flowing out. His cum was so sticky and he had a good amount that came out.

You both continued to ride this high, and your whines and whimpers made it hard to not gain another hard on.

“I’m sorry.. I’m fucking sorry Kuya, baby…” you pleaded as you finally took that last heavy breath and you laid back completely. Your thighs were now able to be closed because he let you. His heart was racing just as fast, mainly because he couldn’t believe he treated you like this. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but he still felt a tiny bit bad.

That was mainly because you looked a bit messy now, gorgeous, but you couldn’t go back to the event looking this way. Not with a lifted lace, broken nail, and a dripping mess… but it made him smirk nonetheless.

“Apology accepted. Now, I’ll be going back to give out my speech. Behave, and do not move… I’ll be back… and if you listen, I’ll make love to you..”

ⓒ Monstas1ut , Do not copy

#anime x black!reader #black reader #ambw #bwam #bleach x black reader #bleach scenarios #bleach x poc reader #bleach x reader #byakuya kuchiki #byakuya kuchiki x reader #byakuya x reader #bleach headcanons #bleach x female reader

[maviezz]

Mr. GhostFace

Pairing: Stu Macher × Fem! Reader

Summary: You where on a phone call with your friend laying on your bed, when suddenly you hear something stumbling behind you…

Genre: Smut

cw: fingering, knife play, stalking, mentions of murder, dubcon (lowkey)

Word Count: 2,2k

pd: this is my first ever fic, so please let me know if there’s a spelling mistake or anything, I’ll be glad to know!!

after finishing up a gruesome murder accompanied by his accomplice, Billy, Stu ended up near your place. Picture this: he's walking down the street, fleeing from the morbid crime he had just committed, and oops, there's your house all lit up like a Friday night. Curiosity got the better of him, and he couldn't resist checking it out.

Stu's not your typical guest, and you're not big on inviting folks over. No need to bother with doorbells for him. Instead, he takes the unconventional route and climbs up to your unconventionally opened window.

So, there he is, peeping through, his eyes scanning your room , then his gaze falling on your body, trying his hardest not to make any noise that might startle you. You're having a regular chat with your friend, over the phone, not knowing you've got an unexpected audience. Stu's like, "Hey, I'm just here for the show” but little do you know, he's been high-key obsessed with you, ever since he fist laid his eyes on you.

Lying on your stomach during the phone call,swinging your feet in the air while casually twirling strands of hair. Unbeknownst to you, Stu looms as a silent observer. His gaze, a mix of fascination and a hint of obsession is fixed on every animated expression. The ordinary act of twirling hair and swinging feet becomes an unwitting performance for Stu, who watches with an eerie intensity, emotions oscillating between anticipation and a peculiar connection to the conversation. The air is charged with the unspoken presence of this uninvited spectator. In an unsettling twist, Stu makes a fateful move, generating a subtle noise that draws your attention.

A sense of unease permeates the air as I detect fumbling behind my back, a shiver coursing through as the realization dawns—window is wide open. Dread takes hold; a killer is on the loose, and turning around becomes a perilous decision. Despite the inner turmoil, curiosity prevails, and I slowly shift my body and slowly turn my head back to where the noise was coming from. The visual that greets me is bone-chilling. A visceral scream tears through the air as my eyes meet those of the masked killer, an embodiment of the very fear that lurked in the shadows.

He sensed the fear etched across my face, a pang of regret gnawing at his heart. Contrary to the ominous aura, he harbored no intentions of harm; instead, a fascination with the sight of innocence under the pale moonlight took root within him. "Don't be afraid, baby," he whispered, his emotions masked by the cold exterior of his hidden face.

His tall silhouette loomed above, a revelation that he exceeded my mental image. Gradually, he eased into my personal space, his voice softening the eerie atmosphere. "No harm will come to you from me... I just wanted to get closer to my cute crush." The unexpected confession hung in the air, a disconcerting blend of fear and an oddly misplaced sense of flattery. A chill ran down my spine as his cold, gloved touch made contact with the skin on my cheek. Beneath the black robe and mask, his warmth was an unsettling contrast. Struggling to recognize his voice, an unsettling realization dawned –The psychotic killer that is terrorizing Woodsboro was inside my room, his hand grazing against my face.

"W-what do you mean? Who are you?" I stammered, the air thick with uncertainty. However, the futility of my inquiry hung in the silence; it was evident he had no intention of revealing his identity. His gloved hand traced a light caress along my cheek, savoring the softness of my skin. With audacious intent, he gently tilted my face upward, our eyes locking beneath the eerie glow of the moonlight. "Call me Ghostface," he uttered, the words hanging in the air.

"P-please don't kill me..." I pleaded, my voice trembling with fear. The Ghostface's touch sent shivers down my spine as he carefully pushed me down onto the bed, his firm grip holding my jaw. His knee positioned in between my legs created a sense of vulnerability. Although the option to run was within reach, a peculiar force seemed to immobilize me, as if my body had taken on a will of its own, drawn to the mysterious enigma of the man on top of me. The room hung heavy with suspense, the moonlight casting an eerie glow over our unsettling connection.

A devilish smile played on Ghostface's lips beneath his masked face as he sensed my lack of resistance. With a sinister grace, he pulled himself closer, a strange yet intense sensation coursing through his entire being as my delicate form pressed against him. "Don't worry, baby... I only wanna play with you," he whispered, the words hanging in the air, dripping with an ominous promise that left the room steeped in an unsettling tension. I gasped in horror as Ghostface pulled out a knife, holding it softly against my neck. "Please..." I pleaded, the dread tightening its grip on my trembling form. Slowly, he ran the blade down my chest, tearing my shirt and exposing a vulnerability that left me in display for him to feast on. A mixture of fear and helplessness hung in the air, as my breath got caught in my throat.

A shiver of anticipation ran through the Ghostface as he felt my soft skin against him. He savored the moment, relishing the intimacy, before teasingly pulling away. "You have beautiful tits” he remarked, his thumb tracing slow circles on one of my sensitive peaks, the air hung heavy with tension.

“m-mhm- fuck!” A gentle, almost imperceptible sound escaped my lips—a soft mewl—when his cold-gloved fingers delicately traced the contours of my nipple, each touch sending subtle shivers through my whole body.

The Ghostface couldn't help but express his delight through a low grunt, leaning in to whisper, “You're so captivating... I've dreamt of having you like this.'" My breath caught sharply as he violently tore apart my shirt, the fabric being tossed across the room...

“p-please don’t do this” My mind recoiled, hesitant and fearful, yet my body, in stark contrast, responded with an undeniable allure. Despite the trepidation, the man behind the mask exuded a captivating charm that stirred within me a sense of arousal, the wet spot on my panties making it impossible to hide.

He smirked behind the mask as you tried to push him away while also reacting to his touch. He slowly trailed his gloved hand down your stomach, making your skin tingle in anticipation “I won't do anything you don't want, baby." His hand found its way to the hem of your panties, slowly pushing them down to reveal your shivering and oh so damp folds. The scent of arousal was overpowering in the small room, making him even harder than before. He leaned in closer, his hot breath caressing your neck “You're so wet for me... It's like you want it."

My palms met his chest, pressing them flat against it, detecting a subtle firmness. "I'm going to call the cops," I stammered, my voice wavering. His eyes met mine as I felt the warmth of his chest beneath my hands.A sly grin adorned his lips, and he remarked, "Go ahead, make the call. But can they beat the clock?" The room seemed to pulse with tension as I hesitated, torn between the urge to reach for my phone and the magnetic pull of the man before me. His eyes held a challenge, daring me to follow through on my threat.

As the seconds stretched, I could sense the weight of his challenge in the air. The room became a battleground of wills, my hand still lingering on his chest. The unspoken tension crackled, I decided that it was best for me not to piss him off. The Ghostface smirked, enjoying your confusion. “Good choice, princess... but don't be surprised if my next move leaves you drenched." He slowly pushed his middle through your wet folds, moaning quietly as he felt just how ready you were for him. He pulled his finger out and teased your swollen clit in slow circles making it throb against his touch. A soft moan escaped my lips involuntarily as his touch sent shivers through me, his thumb pressing wet circles on my hardened nub . "F-fuck-Please don't do this," I whispered, my plea hanging in the charged air between us.

He continued toying with you, feeling your body become more and more aroused under his fingertips. He leaned in closer and whispered softly in your ear “You're such a tease, baby... making me hard for you." His voice was low and seductive as he felt your wetness begin to drip onto his finger. The realization struck him like lightning— he knew, in that very moment, that he desired you.

Flushed with embarrassment, I found myself incapable of pulling away or resisting. My pussy was glistening with my arousal, my body succumbing gradually to the allure of his touch. "D-don't," I stammered, the plea escaping my lips amid the internal struggle.Ghostface sensed your body yielding to him and couldn't resist any longer.

With a sudden movement, he slipped two long fingers into your wet cunt making you gasp in surprise. He slid them in and out slowly savoring the feeling of your warmth surrounding him. His other hand cupped your left breast, fondling it softly, feeling the warmth of your skin beneath the latex of his glove. “s-stop!” i whimpered faintly, the feeling of his middle finger inside my aching core was heady mixture of intoxication and delight sweeping over me, compelling my fingers to delicately clench the bedsheets beneath my quivering body, each thread bearing witness to the intensity of the moment.

He chuckled softly, his eyes dark with desire as he looked down on you. His fingers found your sweet spot and began to tease it mercilessly, causing your hips to buck up against him in desperation. "Do you like that, hmm?"

With a gradual nod, I acknowledged my surrender. Lost in his touch, the resistance that once lingered vanished; I no longer felt the need to push him away.

The Ghostface saw your submission and pushed his fingers deeper inside you, curling them to maximize your pleasure. Your breathing grew heavier as the sensation began to consume you, making you feel like a bundle of fire. “I'll give you what you want... just let me have my fill." He watched with satisfaction as your body arched under his touch. His other hand reached over to your core and circled your clit in time with his fingers, driving you closer and closer to the edge. With a groan, he leaned in closer, his masked face against your ear. "You're mine now”. He coos. In that shared moment of lust and pure passion, the room seemed to shrink, enveloping us in a cocoon of intimacy. We were entangled in a dance, where every touch, and every pump of his fingers inside my sopping hole spoke more than words possibly could.

“m’gonna cum~”i grunted softly, my hips bucking onto his fingers, my back slightly arching off the bed, spit was dripping down my mouth. The scene unfolded like a cliché scenario from a porn movie, akin to something you might find on a Blockbuster rental shelf—undeniably sensual and provocative. He felt your pussy clamp around his fingers as you reached the peak of pleasure.

He rode the wave with you, relishing every tremble until it slowly subsided. His eyes roved over your flushed and sweat-drenched body, making him even harder “That's it baby, cum for me." his fingers kept pumping inside of me as I milked my orgasm, my whole body shook in pleasure, soft gasps leaving my body “f-fuck…” I muttered, my chest rising up and down softly as I came down from the high of the wrecking orgasm.

He pulled his fingers out slowly, coating them with your arousal. He brought them up to his mask and breathed in deeply, savoring your scent before trailing them over your sensitive clit “You're delicious, baby."

A loud moan involuntarily escaped my mouth in response to the unexpected slap across my drenched cunt. "O-ow!" I exclaimed, the sting resonating with a mixture of surprise and discomfort.

The Ghostface's wicked laughter echoed, a chilling soundtrack to my discomfort. "You wanted it, now take it like a good girl," his words, laced with dominance, hung in the air, adding a layer of intensity to the unfolding scene. "Why are you leaving?" I questioned, the vulnerability in my voice evident, as he stood up from the bed and adjusted his robe. My gaze followed him as he walked towards the window. A smile played on his lips, but you couldn’t see it. He looked down at me over his shoulder. "I'll see you soon. Don't forget our little secret," he whispered before vanishing from sight.

Left in his wake, a mix of arousal and puzzlement lingered, the room now filled with the aftermath of an enigmatic encounter.

Confusion swept over me, grappling with the surreal reality of the town's masked murderer appearing in my room, fingering me, and then abruptly vanishing as if nothing. The experience felt terrifyingly unbelievable, leaving me bewildered in its wake.

#stu macher #stu matcher x reader #stu matcher x you #stu matcher imagine #scream #billy loomis #scream 1996 #scream fanart #stu macher smut #stu macher x you #slashers #slasher movies #stuart macher #matthew lillard

[thejournallo]

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE VOID STATE AND THE VOID:

tag: @aestheticlizalis

As always, I will love to hear your thoughts! and if you have any questions, I will be more than happy to answer them! If you liked it, leave a comment or reblog (that is always appreciated!). if you are intrested in more method check the masterlist!

Every time I end up talking about the void state, there is a part of me that tends to raise awareness about the void itself. It is a thing the void does not help you manifest, like the void state. In this post, I will try my best to explain how much these two things are truly different.

WARNING: COGNITO HAZARD (For those who do not know, a cognito hazard is a term used to describe an image, pattern, sound, or any other kind of sensory signal that directly causes harmful or undesired physiological or physical effects to one who senses or perceives it. (It is specifically used as a warning when talking about "forced awakening" things like the void.)

You are free to believe or not believe every word I will say in this post, and you are free to not believe every word I say. If, while reading this, you start to feel a negative emotion or a sensation as if you are lost or bodily or emotionally sick, DO NOT CONTINUE READING.

let's get deeper in this rabbit hole shall we? 

i will talk breefly about the void state and then i will get in a more detailed way into what the void is, just because i aready explained the void state many times.

the void state:

is a state of deep meditation where you feel like floating and feel nothingness embodies you, making you feel one with the universe helping you to manifest. (Click the name if you actually want to know more.)

the void:

The void is nothing and everything at the same time. Let me explain better: the void is a place where everything is possible and exists, but at the same time is impossible and does not exist.  The thing is, the void in itself is a pass to every other dimension because every dimension resides in the void, even the cursed ones or the ones that never will be or never were timelines.  As a person with a lot of experience in the void itself, I will tell you that it is not a nice place.  Every kind of entity can catch you, good or evil, whatever they might be. As mere humans in the void, we are exposed to a lot of deep-rooted energy that corrupts our bodies in the long run. 

As humans, in the void, we can only "survive" in the backrooms.

what is a backroom?

One thing that is definitely more popular than the void itself are the backrooms that reside in the void. The backrooms became popular around 2012 as a SCP thing as images of liminal spaces. But I assure you, they are pretty much real, and they have many levels, not in a specific order. On every level, we can find different things and different entities, as mentioned before. We can find the good ones that will try to keep you safe and the bad ones that will literally try to kill you. 

I will also add that the backroom exists because we are the front room, so for every timeline in existence, there is a backroom, and much like the universe, the void is pretty much endless, so there are infinite possibilities for the frontroom and the backroom.

why im i telling you this?

because I talk from experience, and let me tell you some of them were not fun. Still to this day, when I go to sleep, I find myself in the void. Bruh, I don't know how it simply happens. And that's been my life since I was 14 years old. I had my time to understand and learn a few rules to exit the backrooms fast enough or not to be killed. 

I will put them at the end, but first, a little check on the main differences that we found out about the void state and the void itself:

The void state is a meditation; the void is an "endless place.".

The void can be a dangerous place, but the void state is harmless.

The void state helps us connect with the universe; the void is not used to manifest.

The void is a constant state of rooted energy, which means, in more basic words, that the energy in the void is dirty, and on the long run, a normal human will not "survaive.". In the void state, it is your energy.

In the void state, we find only ourselves; in the void, we can find an endless amount of dimensions, timelines, frontrooms and backrooms, entities, and liminal spaces. Some are all put together.

If you decide to go into the void state, it is a conscious decision. You can mistakenly enter the void by just falling asleep.

Those are the main differences, just because I can't say much more about the void itself because, as said before, it is a forced awakening, and I don't want people to feel sick with too much information. 

if by mystake you enter the backrooms here some rules that will help you get out faster:

Don't scream; you will give off your location to any type of entity. In whatever level you enter, you will find the exit in the same level.

Not every level is scary. Some have flowers and are pretty; others are simple rooms. Those levels are safe as long as you don't hurt yourself. Be careful.

Don't take stairs, and don't jump in holes or on poles. Again, you will find the exit on the same level as you entered.

If you see fluffy entities, look at their eyes first. If the eyes are blue, they are friendly; any other color is to be avoided.

There is only one entity that is 100% friendly and will help you. It looks like a shadow with no features; it does not talk, but you will understand her.

If you hear a sound, go in the opposite direction; if you feel like a sound surrounds you, hide and stay still no matter what; some entities don't have eyes.

If you can't find the exit, pray to whatever god you believe in, and good entities will find you and help you.

On rare occasions, you might find other humans; don't trust them; they are no longer humans.

and I think that I said everything that has to be said. If you have any questions, I will be more than happy to answer them, and I hope you did not feel sick or do any negative things from this post.

#manifestation #manifesting #shifting methods #loa methods #manifestation method #manifesation #spiritual development #journal #explain the method #explained #the void #scary #psychological horror #living dead queue #sleep paralysis #dreams #cognitohazard #cognitive functions #cognitive dissonance #loa tumblr #loassumption #law of assumption #neville goddard #law of assumption blog #the void talks #the void screams back #the void speaks #the void state #the void rambles #void

[papermatisse]

Let Me Try Again || K.SY

♗ pairing: kwon soonyoung x f!reader

♗ genre: angst, fluff

♗ word count: 30k

♗ warnings: heavy plot + elements (depression, anxiety, abandonment), pregnancy, foul language

♗ synopsis: Soonyoung had never wanted to live a restrained capitalistic life, forced to work a tiresome 9 to 5, paying taxes until the day he dies. Though in exchange to pursue the other option, that being devotion to a career, he had to pay an unfathomably large price—he had to abandon everything and everyone he's ever loved. can he fit himself back into his former life? one that's changed more than he can possibly imagine? could the ones he loved forgive him for his wrongdoings? could he get the second chance he wants so desperately?

♗ (a/n): im back w my bs uwu. one of my biggest fics, named after Frank Sinatra's "Let Me Try Again". pls give it a read and enjoy! 😭🙏❤️

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Soonyoung breathed a sigh of relief upon stepping off the plane. Though he was still trapped in the crowd of other passengers, scrambling to meet with their respective families and collect their baggage, he had never felt so free.

College was an experience, to say the least. He had his fair share of fun, partying and meeting new friends. Sometimes those parties went awry, with either cops showing up to dismantle the chaotic atmosphere or Soonyoung drinking more than he could handle. He also experienced those painful nights of cramming, staying up until the crack of dawn, eyes near bloodshot, faint lines of text imprinted in his vision for the next few minutes as he turned away from his textbooks.

Many times, he was sure he'd fail, ruin his life forever. The life he had worked tirelessly to prepare for. The life he traded everything for, leaving behind his family, his friends. The girl he had sworn he'd marry one day.

Yet here he was, Master's degree now printed on his resume in a single additional line. A new and accomplished man, ready to take on the world.

And it seemed his efforts were already coming to use as he left his university. He had already gotten a fairly reasonable job offer; a software engineer in the tech department of SVT Corporations. It was a major industry, a rare job offer he'll probably never see again in his lifetime. It had to be pure luck. That he was in the right place at the right time. A surreal experience, that he was able to land such a fantastic start to his career.

Though before accepting, he decided to return to his roots one last time. A final goodbye to his past. The foundation which supported him up to this point. His childhood home. 

Being away for so long was quite the challenge for Soonyoung. He had always been a family man, someone who always put his loved ones before himself. Though as he grew older, his priorities admittedly shifted. Yet there still remained that tug in his heart, swaying him back to his loved ones, reminding him that though he wished to give himself the stable life he had always craved, he could never truly sacrifice everything for himself.

So to have to pack up and move across the country for years was truly a harrowing feat, though one he nevertheless conquered.

It was difficult, a trial he never really prepared himself for because he never believed he'd have to endure it. That dull ache in his heart that first time he video called his mother. Watching her face appear on his screen, grainy from the lousy connection, though still there. Still his loving mother. She cried for him, proud he was doing this for himself. Happy that her son was going to have a future as an engineer. What more could a mother want but the joy of her children?

He remained where he was for all those years. Never once flying back home. Because he feared that the moment he stepped foot in his town, he'd stay. The memories of his past calling out to him. The treehouse his friends and him always frequented. The bowling alley Seokmin and him would spend hours in avoiding schoolwork. The park he confessed his love to his crush. 

Yet as he stepped off the terminal, breathing in the air of his hometown for the first time in six years, he felt his worries were for naught.

He had heard his family before he had seen them, sister all but colliding into him the moment she spotted him. Tears brimmed his eyes as he held her for the first time in years, surprised at how grown she had become. Afterwards came his mother who had already been crying long before she had seen him, and then his father who also looked equally misty eyed.

For the first time in a long while, Soonyoung felt somewhat complete. 

His first day back had been spent with his family. Catching up with them, sharing his stories from college, hearing some of the family drama he missed out on.

At the dinner table, as they continued to converse with one another, his father had asked what his plans were.

He told him that he had been given a job offer that he was supposed to answer by the end of the month.

The news definitely dampened the mood, as he basically admitted right then and there that they would only have Soonyoung for four weeks before he was to leave them once more. Nevertheless, they chose to cherish the little time they had with Soonyoung, refusing to dwell upon the inevitable and instead thrive in the happiness he granted them with his presence.

The next day, he was already calling his friends again, digging through his old contacts and hoping none of them had changed their numbers. Though more specifically, he hoped Seokmin hadn't changed his number. 

He pressed the contact, smiling fondly at the silly display before him. An old picture of the boy from when they went to the pool, the dual ensemble of a swimming cap paired with a tiny set of black goggles. It was dumb, yet ever nostalgic, and still brought joy to Soonyoung as he finally dialed the number, pressing his phone to his ear. 

Upon the first ring, Soonyoung felt himself gulp, nearly choking on the descent down his throat. His thoughts began hitting him all at once. 

What if Seokmin didn't want Soonyoung anymore? He did just leave with no other words after getting on that plane. What if Seokmin hated him?

Second ring.

Why didn't Soonyoung just talk to his friends? He knew he was busy, but he shouldn't have been too busy for his childhood friends? Why couldn't he just keep in contact at the least? A simple greeting every so often wouldn't have hurt him. 

Third ring. 

Soonyoung felt his face redden with anxiety, his heart rate picking up. Worries of whether he truly did lose his lifelong friend riddled his mind. His fingers clutched at his jeans, gulping again as his nerves burned within him. 

"Hello?" A voice chimed through his phone, the familiar voice of his best friend wading into his ear, easing Soonyoung's frantic worries as a grin stretched on his face.

"Hello," Soonyoung responded, biting his lip as silence filled the other line. Just from assumptions alone, Seokmin must've pulled his phone away, getting a gander at the contact that called him, because a distant gasp sounded out before the voice was once more right at the mic. 

"Soonyoung!" He hollered, nearly bursting his eardrum as he laughed at his friend's reaction. "Holy shit, dude, what's up! It's been literal ages! How've you been?" 

"I'm good, I'm good," Soonyoung answered, looking down at his lap. "I just graduated."

"Oh, I'm talking to an educated man, I see," Seokmin noted, bringing a chuckle to Soonyoung. "Well, Sir Academia, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?" 

"Well, I'm home." It was quiet for a moment, so quiet that Soonyoung believed his friend may have hung up, but then he chimed in moments later. 

"Wait, home home? Like, here home?" 

"I'm at my parents house right now–"

"Oh my God! Stay there! I'll be there in ten minutes, okay!" The man suddenly hung up, causing Soonyoung to break out into more laughs at his friend's manic behavior.

At least he hadn't lost him. It felt like a light weight was lifted from his shoulders. That his bond with Seokmin was strong enough to persevere through these years. He still regretted cutting off everyone, though was still incredibly relieved at such a development.

The moment Seokmin pulled up, he was practically dragging Soonyoung away, shoving him into his car after a dramatic hug, and driving off. 

"I'm taking you to everyone," Seokmin explained as they made their way through the town.

Soonyoung smiled at the sights they passed. Nothing had changed. As if he hadn't ever left. As if the town was frozen in time, waiting for his return to thaw back to the present. It was comforting, a constant in his life he could rely on. 

The first person they went to was Seungcheol, working at his mother's real estate agency. They had waited for him to look up from his desk, and when he met their eyes, his facade of professionalism evaporated, the suited man leaping to his feet and practically hopping over his desk to embrace Soonyoung. The others in the office looked to them with terror at the display, but that didn't stop Seungcheol from lifting his long lost friend in the air, hugging him nearly to death with a bright smile on his face. 

Their next stop was Jeonghan and Joshua's apartment, the two of them having off from their jobs for the day. Seokmin had knocked on their door, to which neither of them answered. Insisting that he knew they were in there, Seokmin continued to knock until a disgruntled Jeonghan finally whipped open the door, about to tell off the supposed loiterers at his door until he saw Soonyoung. The fanfare continued as Joshua came out, coming to investigate what all the ruckus was about, though inevitably joining alongside his roommate with welcoming Soonyoung back. 

This continued for the rest of the day practically, Seokmin dragging Soonyoung to every corner of the city, reuniting with his old friend group. Mingyu had regrettably grown even taller since they last spoke, Vernon's fashion sense had mellowed over the years, and Chan looked so grown, the sight of the young man almost bringing tears to Soonyoung's eyes.

"You really didn't have to do this for me, Seokmin. I was planning on just calling everyone eventually and planning meetups," Soonyoung explained as Seokmin drove them back from Chan's place. The sun was setting, the sky an orange pink hue as the day was nearing its end; a day well spent in Soonyoung's book. 

"No worries at all!" Seokmin assured, waving his hand in the air before returning it to the steering wheel. "It gives me time to hang out with my best friend who abandoned me all these years." Soonyoung rolled his eyes and sighed as Seokmin laughed. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I knew you were busy. You got your Master's pretty early, too."

"I did, I did." Soonyoung sighed. Rather than it being necessarily early, it was mainly right on time. Though it cost him so much to stay on this schedule. "It was difficult, especially being away from everyone." He paused, smiling as he thought back on the day. At the faces of his friends he hasn't seen in so long. He hadn't realized how much he missed them until he was there in front of them. Hearing them speak for the first time in years, seeing how they changed while he was away, seeing them become settled in their lives, finding that happiness everyone sought for. "I should've at least texted you."

"What'd I say?" Seokmin parked his car, turning his head to face Soonyoung. "No. Worries." He poked his finger into Soonyoung's side with each word. "We all understood, you were chasing your dreams. We wouldn't want anything different. And knowing you, you were bound to come back." Seokmin patted his friend on the shoulder.

"Thanks." Soonyoung smiled softly at the comforting words directed to him.

He had been so worried everyone would have been upset he just left them and never spoke again, but after today, he knew everyone missed him just as much as he missed them. 

Though through all the joy in him, past the relief he felt upon meeting his friends once more, one thought plagued his mind. 

"Hey," he began warily, attracting Seokmin's attention, "How's (y/n)?"

Seokmin grinned at the name, though not as ecstatic as his usual wide smile. More so one of familiarity, comfort, fondness.

"She's great, we just hung out last week. Her, Seungkwan, and I.'' Seokmin said, bringing a smile to Soonyoung's face. He was glad to hear that. That they all remained friends after he left. After he broke her heart, and left her behind. Before he could speak though, Seokmin continued, his words all but halting Soonyoung's every thought. "It's really hard to plan things with her since she has to adjust her schedule to fit both us and her kid, but she still makes the effort."

"Her... kid?" Soonyoung's voice was weak, barely even louder than the air conditioning hitting his face, but Seokmin heard nevertheless. He glanced at him in confusion before realization hit him, eyes widening and jaw dropping. 

"Oh, nobody told you!" He shouted in shock, glancing around the street they were on before swiftly recalculating his destination, making a U-turn all of a sudden. "Yeah, she has a daughter! Little Chaerim."

Soonyoung's face blanked, his chest tightening at the information relayed to him. 

She had a kid. So many things had changed during his time away, like Minghao taking up meditation, Jihoon becoming a famous producer, even Jeonghan adding more furniture to his pet rock's house. But (y/n) having a kid? 

For as long as he could remember, Soonyoung had the biggest crush on (y/n). Starting from their first meeting at the age of 11, his feelings only seemed to spiral deeper and deeper with every year until he had finally asked her out in the middle of highschool.

They were highschool sweethearts. The epitome of a perfect relationship. They never got into fights, unlike the other relationships around them which seemed to fizzle with the angst of teenage development. They were never jealous, having this undeniable trust in one another, enough to grant them comfort with one another from just the mere thought of the other, and no random addition of a person could tarnish that mentality. They were mature, treating their relationship as something which should be cherished and nurtured, never once treating the other disrespectfully or tarnishing the perfect bond they had. 

That is until after highschool, when Soonyoung was accepted into his college across the country. 

It all began crumbling after that. Doubt riddled his mind soon after.

Whether he could truly keep (y/n) happy from such a great distance. Could he manage a long distance relationship and his studies? Would he have to put one over the other? If he did, then his grades would tank, because he wouldn't have the heart to put his school before her in any scenario. Should he just abandon everything, throw away this idea of self fulfillment for love? Find a regular 9 to 5 to support him and (y/n)?  He'd stay with her, but at what cost? Soonyoung never wanted to work a job like that. To live a life where everyday, waking up felt like a task, and his only reprieve was the peace of sleep. It's why he was struggling with this debacle in the first place. 

Whether to put his happiness or her happiness first? 

Yet at the end of the day, he chose the former. He couldn't possibly give her the happy life she deserved if he himself was miserable. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he brought her any form of misery, like the lack of a devout husband. Someone she was forced to watch crumble with every passing day, nothing more than a shell of what he once was. His vibrancy extracted through the shackles of capitalism until he could no longer handle it. Until not only his will to be happy dissipated, but also his will to make her happy, gone like everything else. He couldn't condemn her to such a cruel inevitability. 

As much as it pained him to admit it, it would be much better for him to let her go, give her the chance to find the happiness she deserves, which clearly didn't belong to a monster like him.

And so he let her go.

He had been so distracted he hadn't even acknowledged Seokmin parking again in yet another unfamiliar apartment building. 

"We're here!" He announced, stepping out of the car excitedly. Soonyoung on the other hand stepped out warily, glancing around as if he'd see her waiting for him, glaring in disdain at the man who shattered her heart and left. 

All the while, Seokmin raved about Chaerim as they made their way to her apartment. He talked about how cute she is, how she's the sweetest thing he's ever seen, how Soonyoung would just love her. 

Yet her mere existence seemed to haunt Soonyoung, torment him the longer he knew of her existence. Because she stands as a testament of (y/n) moving on from him. 

Before he knew it, they stopped before a door.

It was just like any other along the narrow corridor, though it felt much more daunting to him, knowing who was behind it. 

"Watch this," Seokmin whispered excitedly, cracking his knuckles before placing both on the door. He began rapping a beat on the wood which went on for longer than any knock should . He then stepped back proudly, a smile on his face as he looked back at Soonyoung, patiently waiting for something to happen. They could hear muffled shouting through the door, growing louder and louder to the point that Soonyoung could now very clearly make out the voice to be saying "Uncle Seokmin!" on repeat.

Suddenly, the door swung open. Time seemed to stop as a tiny face peeked out, smiling brightly up at his friend who then crouched with outstretched arms. The girl had leapt into his arms, giggling as he lifted her up and hugged her. 

Soonyoung felt his breathing pick up, seeing the little girl buried in Seokmin's shirt. That little girl was the daughter of his true love. The one girl he had always adored. The girl he all but abandoned.

But she wasn't his daughter. 

And though that fact lingered over him  treacherously, reminding him of his past faults, reminding him that he could've had that had he chosen (y/n) at the end, he still attempted to push away his negative thoughts, offering the girl a smile as he waited for Seokmin to acknowledge him.

Once the enthusiasm subsided, Seokmin finally did turn to him again. 

"Chaerim, I'd like you to meet my friend, Soonyoung."

The girl looked up at him, peeking over from beneath Seokmin's chin at the strange man a few feet away from her. And as their eyes met, Soonyoung felt his heart all but collapse, watching two sharp, angular eyes peering at him curiously. Eyes which quirked upwards at their ends… Just like his. 

His expression dropped, the color of his skin draining as she revealed all of her face to him, and it felt as if Soonyoung were looking directly into a mirror. She stared at him so resolutely, his own panic seeming nonsensical from how calm she remained, merely resting against Seokmin as she continued to look at Soonyoung, observing as you would an animal exhibit. 

"Chaerim!" A voice hollered from inside the opened apartment. A person emerged from the hall within, making her way swiftly to the entry, exasperated as if this were a daily occurrence in her life. As the woman appeared at the door, Soonyoung realized who it was. 

Jihyo, (y/n)'s best friend. 

She looked to Seokmin and Chaerim for a moment, silently acknowledging that the situation is handled, before looking to Soonyoung, standing there starstruck with his mouth agape, glancing between Jihyo and Chaerim. 

Jihyo's face shifted from indifference at everything, to shock upon seeing Soonyoung, to then near terror, brows arched in surprise as she froze in place, much like Soonyoung at the moment. 

"Was it Seokmin?" Another voice resounded from the apartment. A soft, lull like voice which carried in the air, light and delicate with its tone as it hit Soonyoung, a familiarity which lit his nerves though also seemed to melt him into butter.

And then she appeared, rounding the same corner as Jihyo. Soonyoung felt his knees buckle, weak against her mere presence which seemed to dominate the entire room. She looked up, stopping mid step as she met Soonyoung's eyes, and regrettably to his disappointment, instant fear washed across her expression, a fact which seemed to stab at Soonyoung's heart. That he was no longer the one who brought her peace or comfort like he once did so long ago. That she looked to him as you would any unwelcomed stranger. 

"Is everyone okay?" Seokmin asked, the only person who wasn't in some stare down with another.

Yet before he could question it any further, Chaerim began squirming in his arms, crawling out of his embrace before bounding towards her mom. (y/n) hesitantly crouched, scooping the young girl up and into her arms, who then began whispering into her ear, legs kicking excitedly. With a shaky breath, (y/n) smiled to her guests.

"Seokmin!" She greeted first, voice wavering as she approached the door. "And Soonyoung! Please, why don't you all come in." Her hand landed on Jihyo's shoulder, snapping her out of her stupor before she backed away, allowing the boys to enter the home. 

Jihyo muttered a brief, "excuse us," before she was dragging the two girls down the hall. Soonyoung looked worriedly to their retreating forms.

The way (y/n) said his name.

She once said it with such adoration. Calling out to him from across the courtyard at school, referring to him in the middle of a conversation, whispering to him late in the night when they embraced one another. His name alone once felt so loved because she said it. Because she spoke love into it. With every syllable, with every roll of her tongue, as if speaking an entire ballad of her affections, though it was merely his name.

Now she spoke his name tentatively. As if it were poison on the tip of her tongue. As if she were stepping through a field of landmines. As if it was taboo to be spoken. 

He felt tears brimming at his eyes. Selfish tears, ones which shouldn't be shed because he condemned himself to this reality. He was the one who pushed her away. He was the one who left her home, ignoring the silent cries she left behind, ignoring the way his heart fought tooth and nail to turn back and return to her. He was the one who got onto that plane, drowning in his own sorrows as he flew further and further away from her. Away from his other half.

He once believed everyone was a whole, and that some people just made one larger whole once together, and would stay as their original wholes once separated. Yet here he was, a broken half of a man, whose other piece was left shattered and abandoned by him. 

And he still felt like that. He could feel his dormant heart stirring alive with pointless hope, beating against his rib cage as if wanting to break free and reunite with her. Yet like he always did, he ran away, walking over to her living room and sitting beside Seokmin.

"Cute, isn't she?" Seokmin nudged Soonyoung, a warm smile on his face as he referred to the young girl. "God, I just want to squish her cheeks all day. So round. Doesn't she remind you of a hamster?"

"No," Soonyoung answered faster than he had intended, shocking even himself with his thoughts. That he wasn't a hamster, so she couldn't possibly be a hamster either. He shook his head, attempting to clear away his assumptions as Seokmin chuckled. 

"You're probably right. That won't stop me from calling her my hamster though," Seokmin continued. Soonyoung leant forward onto his knees, steadying his breathing before the girls would eventually return. "You know, I'm her Godfather." 

Soonyoung looked over to him, brows furrowed in intrigue. 

"Yeah, (y/n) insisted," He continued. "I was one of the only people who knew about her pregnancy, so I was taking care of her with Jihyo for those few months." Soonyoung felt his eyes water. The thought that she was struggling so much while he was away at college. And he knew absolutely nothing. "I was even the one who drove her to the hospital when she went into labor, cause Jihyo was working at the time."

There was some relief in him at this. That she wasn't entirely alone. That though he left her behind, she still had others to care for her. He felt obligated to thank Seokmin for his efforts. For being there for her when he wasn't. For taking care of this child like she was his own. 

Chaerim.

Soonyoung was about to question him further, about to ask him more of his dear god daughter, until Jihyo appeared from the halls, hands clasped together with a nervous laugh resounding from her. 

"Okay, hello everybody, how are we feeling?" She asked, sitting on the loveseat beside them. "Sorry, we're all understandably shocked to see Soonyoung, you know?"

"No, we completely understand," Seokmin waved her off. "We should've told you guys on our way here, I just got excited." He nodded towards Soonyoung beside him. "He didn't know about Chaerim! Can you believe that?" 

"Insane," Jihyo responded, her voice monotonous as she stared blankly back at the two. 

Soon after, the final members of the party came out once more, Chaerim immediately making her way over to Seokmin again. He brought the girl to his lap, brushing back her black hair as (y/n) took a seat in front of them on her coffee table. 

"Hi," She greeted them all, though her eyes landed on none other than Soonyoung. 

"Hi," He responded, voice soft, afraid he would startle her and she'd run off. He wouldn't blame her though. He did the exact same thing. 

"Seokmin, let's go to the kitchen." Jihyo began walking off, Seokmin following after. Chaerim was peeking over his shoulder, still staring right at Soonyoung up until she disappeared into the kitchen. 

"How have you been?" (y/n) continued. He stared momentarily at the kitchen before turning back to her with a wry smile. 

"I'm okay," He answered. "I just graduated. Master's in software engineering." 

"That's amazing, congratulations!" She noted, a smile spreading on her face, though not reaching her eyes. "I'm happy to hear that. You must be so proud." 

Soonyoung winced at her words, because she seemed to unknowingly see right through him. She may not be fully aware, but he was filled with doubt. Yes, he achieved what he set out for. He got his Master's, he's got the job offer, he's got his life laid out before him, and all he had to do was live it out accordingly. Yet he was full of doubt. Doubt because he was still riddled with sorrow, wondering if things would've been better had he given up on this plan. If he could've accommodated, still involved (y/n) in his life, and just worked a little harder to keep her beside him through the long distance relationship. 

At the end of it all, that unhappiness he believed he'd have working a basic 9 to 5 equated to the unhappiness he felt living a life without (y/n). 

"Soonyoung?" She asked, startling him back to reality. 

"I'm sorry. I zoned out." She softly chuckled, nodding at his words with a soft affirmation. She looked down to her lap, fiddling with her fingers as silence encompassed the two. And as much as he didn't want to ask, as much as he knew it was inappropriate for the time being, he couldn't help it. He couldn't fight back the curiosity flooding his brain. "You have a daughter…"

She froze for a moment, hands wringing together before she looked up at him with a smile. 

"I do, yes." (y/n) pulled out her phone before handing it to him, showing her wallpaper which was Chaerim, beaming up at the camera, her eyes narrowed into slits. "Her name is Chaerim, as you may already know." His heart softened, seeing the bright little girl practically radiating like the sun. He understood why Seokmin seemed to love her so much. Because he was gradually already falling for her and he hasn't had one conversation with the girl. 

"She's beautiful," Soonyoung commented, handing the phone back to (y/n), smiling widely at his words. "What's she like?"

"Well…" (y/n) started, breaking off into a brief chuckle as she thought of the girl in question. "She's… something. Very hyperactive." (y/n) looked down at her phone, fondly gazing at the picture once more. "She's silly. There's never a dull day with her." She paused, looking for a second more before putting her phone away and sighing. "So mature. It feels like I'm talking to a little adult at times." Soonyoung smiled, seeing how much (y/n) loved her. 

"Can I meet her?" He asked softly, voice barely above a whisper. He was afraid, scared to meet this little girl. He didn't know what exactly he feared, but his thoughts were incessant.

It was either he was meeting the child of (y/n) and some guy who came and replaced him, or he was meeting the child of him and (y/n). 

And as (y/n) called out for the girl and she emerged from the kitchen with those familiar sharp eyes of hers, Soonyoung had an inkling he knew it was the latter scenario. 

"Chaerim, I'd like you to meet Soonyoung," (y/n) spoke, gesturing to the person as she said their name. "Soonyoung, this is Chaerim." 

He slid off the couch, crouching onto his knees before her with a smile on his face. 

"Hi Chaerim. It's nice to meet you." 

The little girl stood there, staring right at him, expression blank and unreadable. It almost intimidated him, the way she seemed to stare right into his soul as if it was child's play. She stepped closer to him, face to face, her gaze unwavering, as if she hadn't an ounce of fear for him. (y/n) and Soonyoung watched her with confusion, though allowed her to continue to inch closer and closer to Soonyoung until she pressed her tiny lips against his nose, pulling away after planting a soft kiss to him. 

"Chaerim, what are you doing?" (y/n) spoke in a panic, pulling her daughter against her. "You just met Soonyoung, we don't kiss strangers."

"We don't?" She asked. The first words she has spoken in his presence.

"No, we don't– How many strangers have you kissed?" (y/n) asked incredulously, eyes wide at the girl's question. Without answering, Chaerim approached Soonyoung again, his face reddened at her kiss. 

"Hello, my name is Chaerim," she greeted, voice louder than necessary, though still getting her point across. She held out her hand to him, and he hesitantly took it in his own. His lips twitched into a smile, thumb brushing over her smooth skin as he reciprocated her greeting. In some way, he knew. The moment he touched her, he knew she was his. 

Though before he could say anything else, Jihyo appeared. 

"(y/n), it's 8," she stated. Like that, (y/n)'s fond smile at the exchange dissipated, and she snapped out of her daydream at the time. 

"Chaerim, we need to give you a bath," she stated, about to stand up before Jihyo stepped in. 

"It's okay, Seokmin and I can prepare her for bed," she insisted, lifting the girl into her arms with a small huff. "You guys can keep talking." Jihyo briefly looked to Soonyoung, nodding at him in acknowledgement before turning around and disappearing down the hall, Seokmin trailing behind after waving to Soonyoung. 

Once they were alone, Soonyoung climbed back onto the couch, staring at (y/n) whose eyes darted everywhere but to him. She was nervous, which saddened Soonyoung. He remembered how she once relied on him for comfort during times like this, yet now he was the source of those worries. He just wanted to bring her to him, remind her of his undying love for her, the same love which hasn't waned since the moment he left her. Yet he understood. He understood she needed time. She needed space from him. She needed time to think after he just suddenly came back into her life. 

Though yet again, his impulsivity came through, far too curious to merely ignore the elephant in the room.

"(y/n)..." He started, tilting his head down to meet her gaze now staring at the floor between them. She continued to avoid him, eyes shifting away once he entered her peripheral vision. "(y/n), please." 

There was a desperation in his voice, this weakness in his tone that startled (y/n), loosened her resolve some as she finally peeked up at him. Her eyes were glassy, her lip quivering as she met his gaze, this pleading stare greeting her as they finally looked at one another. Truly looked at one another.

The sun was setting, casting this deep orange glow into the apartment. A myriad of colors danced across her face, the warmth of the sunset seeping into her skin. Ethereal, Soonyoung thought to himself. How beautiful his beloved (y/n) was. Perhaps it was the time spent apart, but Soonyoung swore she seemed to radiate even more now than she ever had before. As if with every passing of the sun, she seemed to blossom more and more, this breathtaking flower before him that he had left behind. 

"Talk to me. Please."

She blinked at his words, tears beginning to well up along her waterline. Though he could very clearly see that anguish in her eyes, she still attempted to play it off, breathing out a chuckle as she shrugged nonchalantly at his request. 

"What's there to say?" 

Dismissive. She looked away the moment she finished her sentence, eyes once more skirting around him, avoiding him. He winced, this surprisingly sharp pain stabbing at his heart. And yet it only encouraged him to pursue her more. 

"So much. (y/n), it's been years. Please, tell me anything. Tell me about your parents, your job, Jihyo." At this point, he had leant so close to her that their breaths were intermingling, warmth brushing against their faces from the proximity, yet to them, two long lost lovers who hadn't spoken in what felt like a lifetime, the space was anything but discomforting. A welcoming sensation that had the tips of his fingers itching to touch her, any part of her, anywhere she was willing to offer him. His eyes opened, glassy gaze once more seeking out her own as she took in a shaky breath, overwrought with the surge of emotions that came with Soonyoung's presence.

Tell me about Chaerim.

He wanted to ask so badly. The question was at the tip of his tongue, begging to be spoken. Yet upon the first break of tears cascading down her face, he knew he had already pushed her too far for now. 

Once her tears spilled, so did his, a never ending stream of moisture seeping out of his eyes, his sobs choked back upon hearing her muted sniffles. And to make matters worse, he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't gather her defeated body into his arms. He couldn't wipe her tears away or kiss at the trail they'd leave behind. He couldn't hum her favorite songs to banish her sadness away. Because unlike the other times, he wasn't hers and she wasn't his. At this point, they were no more estranged than two strangers.

His hands shook by his side, forcing himself back from holding her to him. He had no place to do so. He was nothing to her anymore. It took every fiber of his being to separate him from where he was, leaning back onto the couch with a rough sigh, jaw clenched as he attempted to will away his tears. (y/n) similarly followed suit, her hand pressed against her mouth as if to quell the cries that wanted to break free. And they remained that way for what felt like an eternity, silencing their anguish on their own. The solitude felt like a stone pressing down on him, an aching reminder of what their relationship had eventually boiled down to. 

They were childhood sweethearts. Ever since he could remember, he'd held a sweet spot for the girl next door. His friends had teased him relentlessly, the adults in his life equally tormenting him with the premise of one day marrying (y/n). So it was no shocker when he had confessed to her one fateful evening in the park by their neighborhood. What did come as a shock was when she had almost immediately reciprocated his feelings, dragging him into a bone crushing hug as she giggled away into his chest.

Seungkwan hadn't believed him the next day, giving him a once over with a raised eyebrow. His hair was frizzy with damage from repetitive bleaching, his clothes hung loosely on his lanky body, and his smile was obscured by an array of multicolored bands on his braces. Yet it only further proved her genuine affections for the boy.

They say love is blind, but it seemed like she had revealed to him a whole new plethora of shades never before seen by the human eye. The sky was bluer when he was with her, grass greener as they laid together in the field, the orange of his tiger plushies felt more vibrant whenever she cuddled one of them. 

And even now, it still held true, his atmosphere intensifying in her presence just from her sitting there in front of him. She brought him such anguish, unearthing memories he had once tried so adamantly to bury away, yet she also brought this unfathomable peace in his heart, soothing the storm that had plagued his soul for the past six years in college. The thought was what finally calmed his tears, leaving dried streaks across his face. She had yet to stop her own. 

"(y/n)." She finally spared him a wary glance, that same storm which racked his being now whirling in her irises.

In a much softer tone, he called out her name again, desperation laced in his voice, and perhaps even in his gaze, because just from looking at him, (y/n)'s resolve seemed to dissipate into thin air. With a quivering lip and another bout of tears welling up in her eyes, she found herself shifting over to the couch, collapsing into Soonyoung's arms with a loud, agonizing sob.

Her body quaked in his arms as he finally held her again, his face burying into her hair and breathing in her scent. Her arms had wrapped around his torso, fingers clenched desperately into his shirt, tugging him impossibly closer to her. He could feel the warmth of her tears seeping into the material of his top, attempting to coax more tears out of him, yet he remained as is, striving to keep his strength for the both of them in this moment. 

"You left me," she cried into his shoulder, voice wrought with unwavering sorrow. "You broke my heart." That familiar lump began forming at the base of Soonyoung's throat, yet he swallowed away the threat of tears once more, simply opting to drag her closer into his frame.

He shut his eyes, his breaths heavy and ragged as he took in her despondency, feeling firsthand how his capricious actions had not only destroyed himself, but also the love of his life. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered, voice broken as he spoke through his own misery. "I'm so sorry, (y/n). I could apologize for an eternity and then some, and it would never amount to the regret I feel." His hand rubbed up and down her back, attempting to repress at least some of her sadness at the moment. "I thought… I thought this would be better for you. You didn't deserve to suffer in a long distance relationship. I thought it would be better to let you go so you can actually experience the fulfilling relationship you deserve."

"That's so fucking stupid," she sobbed out, each syllable sounding forced out through the exhaustion already setting in from her crying session. 

"I know."

"You broke my heart, you asshole."

"I know." She had mumbled out a few more indiscernible words that had intertwined with her next bout of cries, until eventually it had dissolved into nothing. The tight grip she had on Soonyoung had loosened, her face once buried in his chest now lolled loosely against his shoulder, and the quivering of her body now replaced by the gentle rise and fall of her steady breathing. And with her now silently sleeping away, he took the opportunity by himself to let out his own tears once more, littering the top of her head with soft kisses as he wallowed in his own pitiful state. Embracing the girl he had abandoned and broken, begging for forgiveness as if he deserved anything from her. His apologies fell upon deaf ears as she slept, yet it hadn't deterred him from continuously whispering his pleas to her. 

The only thing that seemed to stop his mantra was Seokmin squeezing his shoulder. 

"Hey Soon," he called out quietly, snapping him out of his daze as he looked up at his friend. "Let's head home. You guys had enough for the day. There's always tomorrow."

Soonyoung nodded, rising to his feet with (y/n) in his arms as Seokmin guided him to her bedroom. Soonyoung spared her one last glance as he laid her there, brushing back her hair and stroking her cheek, taking in her peaceful expression once more before departing. Seokmin was at the entrance with Jihyo already, the two talking to one another in a low voice, as if the tension of before still resided even with (y/n) fast asleep. 

Upon Soonyoung's arrival, their conversation faded into nothing, Seokmin offering the man a gentle smile upon taking in his beaten form. 

"Hey buddy, how are we feeling?" Soonyoung's silence was answer enough, staring at his friend blankly with red eyes and a puffy face. "Ah, that's good, that's good. Like I said, there's always tomorrow. Let's get you home now, yeah?" Seokmin bid Jihyo goodbye with one last nod before heading out the door.

Before Soonyoung could fully walk out the door, his body halted in its spot, standing at the threshold of the apartment with Jihyo staring up at him confusedly. 

"Chaerim," he spoke, voice gravelly from his earlier happenings. "Is she mine?" 

He didn't know what brought this upon him. In any other instance, he'd be horrified at the sudden audacity he obtained to have asked such an illicit question. Yet right now, he was numb. His body ached. His heart felt drained beyond reparation. He felt like nothing. So what was there to lose with such a risky move?

Jihyo was silent for another moment, until she shook her head out of the corner of his eye. 

"No," she stated, voice weak as she looked at the defeated man before her. "No, she's not. I'm sorry."

Soonyoung shut his eyes, nodding at her words before fully walking out, meeting up with Seokmin at the elevator. 

It was an answer he had anticipated, one that was honestly expected, yet somewhere deep in his heart, he had truly thought she was his daughter. That she was the product of his and (y/n)'s love. That he possibly still had a chance with (y/n), as long as that fragment of their relationship still existed in this world. Yet it was all hopeful wishing. 

Even long after Seokmin dropped Soonyoung off at his parent's house, bidding the man goodbye and promising to return tomorrow, the events of the day still weighed heavily upon him. And even after shutting his eyes and going to sleep, the memories of (y/n) tormented him throughout the night. Illusions of what could have been had he chosen her at the end. The happy life he could have had with (y/n) in his arms. Chaerim could have been his. He could have had a daughter as beautiful as her. Yet he had given it all up for a piece of paper.

The last person he had seen that night was Seokmin, and he had also wound up being the first person he saw when he woke up the next morning.

"Soonyoung," he called out, shaking the man's shoulders until he stirred from his slumber. "Time to wake up." 

The aforementioned man did not look his best, to say the least. Eyes completely bloodshot, face puffy beyond recognition, and his usual sanguine demeanor was depleted until he sat there as nothing more than a breathing human. The living embodiment of the contrast between living and surviving. 

Though Seokmin didn't seem too perturbed by his friend's ragged appearance, merely cooing as he patted down the disheveled mane on Soonyoung's head. 

"You ready to get back into the ring today?" His voice was chipper, comparable to that of a kindergarten teacher to their students, yet it had little to no effect on Soonyoung who grumbled in response to his patronizingly toned question. 

Seokmin stood there as Soonyoung dragged his feet about the room, tugging on whatever clothes he could find, brushing his teeth as he combed his hair, attempting to stay awake through Seokmin's droning dialogue in the background. 

"I got everyone's schedule for today. Mingyu and Vernon have the day off. Chan gets off later on today, so he could join us whenever. Seungkwan and Junhui said they couldn't come today because they're working, but Joshua literally has the closing shift and said he'd come around at midnight, so I think they're just not committed enough, you know?

"Jeonghan and Minghao have not responded to me yet, but Jeonghan literally posted on Instagram yesterday, so I know he's ignoring me. Seungcheol and Wonwoo said no for today, but they are available later on this week. Did I forget anybody? I feel like I'm forgetting someone?" 

(y/n). 

He wanted to ask how she was. If she had fared well after last night. How she felt this morning, waking up after such an eventful night. How Chaerim was doing. What the girls were up to this morning. What they'd be doing later on. If (y/n) still wore blue every Wednesday and acted like it wasn't an actual routine of hers because she didn't think anyone would notice. If he could see her again today. 

"Jihoon!" Seokmin snapped his fingers upon realizing, laughing to himself soon after. "Jihoon is busy right now, but he'll join us later."

Their conversation continued once they were in Seokmin's car and driving off.

"So we're going to pick up Mingyu and Vernon and head out for breakfast. At around 12, Jihoon said he'd come join us, so maybe we can take a walk around downtown for old time's sake. At 2, I have to pick up Chaerim and drop her off at Jihyo's, but Chan should–"

"Chaerim?" Soonyoung's eyebrows had risen at the mention of the girl's name, turning to face Seokmin with sudden fascination at the schedule. "You pick up Chaerim from school?"

"Well, from daycare, yeah," Seokmin responded, eyes still trained on the street, but still with that soft grin plastered to his face, the casual air he has when talking about the girl stirring this envious feeling within Soonyoung. "Jihyo gets out of work at 2, but the daycare is pretty out of place on her route home, so I pick up Chaerim and hand her to Jihyo. And then at 5, (y/n) gets out of work and she retrieves the child from Jihyo and they head home." 

Soonyoung sat there enraptured at Seokmin's words, nodding and absorbing everything said as if he himself would need the knowledge in the coming future. Seokmin kept talking afterwards, continuing where he left off regarding Chan's and Josh's arrival before they had finally reached their destination. 

This 24/7 breakfast joint they'd frequent as they grew up, Attacca. They'd eat waffles there as a child with their families, eat waffles after school while procrastinating on doing their homework, eat waffles on snow days when they had nothing better to do, eat waffles at 2 am after late night parties at each other's houses. And even now as the four of them sat together to catch up, they ate those exact same waffles. 

"You still have the high score on Galaga?" Soonyoung gaped as Vernon nodded cockily, leaning back against the chipped leather of the booth they sat at, arms raised triumphantly while he basked in the glory of his achievements. 

"The undefeated champion still reigns to this day." Vernon began waving to his imaginary fans, blowing kisses and posing for photos as Mingyu grimaced at the overplayed fantasy happening before him. 

"He goes to that same rundown laundromat every month to make sure he hasn't been bested, as if kids are even still going there." Soonyoung chuckled at Mingyu's words, which had supposedly gone over Vernon's head as he continued to fantasize about the glories of victory, muttering to himself about how he would love to accept Oprah's invitation to her show. "Though on the less pathetic side of things, my restaurant is doing very well."

"I can't believe you actually own a restaurant." Soonyoung took a sip from his chocolate milk, humming in amusement at the thought of Chef Mingyu. "That's insane. Congrats, man." 

"Thank you very much."

"Yeah, Mingyu said he'd serve us for free next time we go," Seokmin quickly added, earning a kick under the table from Mingyu himself. 

"Wait, is Mingyu finally feeding us for free?" Vernon asked, mouth agape as he finally snapped out of whatever trance he had propelled himself into minutes earlier. 

"No, Mingyu is not feeding you freeloaders." Mingyu elbowed Vernon as he spoke, glaring at the group before him with disgust. "You get discounts at most, but I'd go bankrupt if you all came to my restaurant for free." 

"You hear that, boys, dinner at Mingyu's tonight." Seokmin tossed his hand forward, immediately receiving a high five from Vernon on command as the two continued to goad Mingyu. With a roll of his eyes, he redirected his attention to Soonyoung, offering the man an excited smile. 

"So, Soonyoung, what's up with you? Six years on your own, new degree, job offer. You've got so much going on for you!"

"Thanks." Soonyoung smiled, stirring his straw in his drink absentmindedly as his eyes lowered to the table's surface. "I'll be off again in a few weeks presumably. For that job offer."

"I don't know if this is dumb of me to ask, but what does an engineer do?" Vernon questioned, shoveling another load of waffle into his mouth.

Soonyoung pouted as he thought about the question, because to be fair, he doesn't even know what his job will entail. Six years in college. He's learned his way around a computer. He knows how to fix things now. That's pretty much all he can say, because to be honest, he doesn't know what awaits him in the future. He doesn't know what finally entering the field of his career entails for him. He doesn't know if it'll be what he had anticipated out of such an intensive career. If it'll prove the regrets that stir within him wrong, prove that it was worth leaving everything behind to pursue. 

Suddenly, Chaerim and (y/n) came to mind. A little glimpse of them together popped into his head, (y/n) chiding her daughter who had just planted a kiss onto his nose. With those two girls remaining in his mind, he was beginning to seriously doubt that last presumption of his.

Because no amount of money in the world could possibly top the exhilarating feeling that settled at the base of his heart when he was with them both yesterday. 

"I don't know," Soonyoung announced, rather proudly regarding the circumstances, causing the lot to burst into laughter at his own confusion. 

"Well, hopefully it comes easy to you," Mingyu spoke, bringing his coffee mug up to his lips for a sip. "Who would have thought the tech challenged Soonyoung would become a software engineer of all things."

"I wasn't that bad."

"You typed like a grandma after her fifth shot of tequila," Vernon interjected with a shake of his head. "We all know (y/n) was the one who had prepared all of your presentations for you." 

Soonyoung nervously chuckled at the mention of her name. His technical ex girlfriend, as painful as it sounded. And as true as that was, so was Vernon's statement. 

They'd be lying on his bed, her laptop in between them as she helped organize his notes and points on one PowerPoint. She'd type away, showing him different things the program offered, putting in her own input on designing, and he'd merely sit there and listen, head tucked away in the nook of her neck as he dozed off to her gentle voice. He'd fall asleep while she worked, and she'd wake him up by littering kisses all over his face. He'd rehearse his presentation for her alongside the PowerPoint, just to show how her work would not be going to waste. She'd applaud him, congratulating him even though he had done the bare minimum, but it felt good nevertheless. To be doted upon by the girl he loves the most, falling asleep in her arms the night before his project, that good luck kiss before he'd enter class that he swore was the key to his passing grades. 

Soonyoung would wait for (y/n) after class to tell her how it went, and the smile she'd bless him with was like the cherry on top of it all. This big, gorgeous smile that was so bright and happy for him and him alone. 

As if punishment upon him, for even daring to derive even a shred of happiness from a past memory, the blissful image of (y/n)'s smile had been torn away from him, instead replaced by one of their last moments together. 

It was in his room as he was packing away his clothes for college. (y/n) sat on his bed, folding whatever she could and neatly organizing it into his luggage whilst filling the quietude with her thoughts. 

Though Soonyoung couldn't really recall much of what she was saying that day. He was too into his own head. He was too distracted by his own thoughts plaguing his psyche. Thoughts that he had initially written off as intrusive ones that would soon fade away, though they remained recurrent, sprouting forth practically every moment he spent with (y/n) until every waking second of his life revolved around those thoughts and those thoughts alone. 

(y/n) managed to snap him back into reality as she began directing her voice towards him. 

"You'll have to text me when you get situated over there!" She gushed, far more excited for him than he was for himself. "I mean, you'll text me when you get there of course, but you have to text me when everything's settled and you have some spare time. I can fly over and meet you." She slipped off his bed, shuffling over to him and wrapping him in a hug. Soonyoung naturally reciprocated it, arms embracing her against him, relishing in the warmth and comfort that came with holding her. That keen familiarity that he'd never grow weary of no matter the distance or the time which passed. But even so, even with her presence serving as an anchor for him, his mind was elsewhere, drifting far from reason and compiling what he could only describe as utter nonsense now. 

"(y/n)," he muttered aloud, somehow hoping she wouldn't hear him even though he spoke right by her ear. She hummed, cursing him into finishing what he had started. "How do you feel about all of this?" 

"About what? College?" He hesitantly pulled away from her, arms loosely holding her as he took in her appearance once more, as if needing the momentary motivation to continue with whatever he was doing. 

"About me going to college. About me leaving everything behind." His eyes flickered about her face, tension settling in his eyebrows as his emotions were already beginning to seep through his facade. "About me leaving you behind."

"That's a weird way of putting it," she laughed dismissively at his words, though still hummed in thought. "I feel… conflicted." His arms strained for a second, briefly gripping onto (y/n) as she paused for consideration. "Of course I'd love to have you with me or me with you, but we can't. At least not right now." She tilted her head with a pout forming on her lips before she smiled resolutely. "Life has other things planned for us right now. You're off to do great things, to study and get a career like you always wanted, and I'll be here, finding some sort of stability like I've always wanted.

"But that's okay," she tugged him along with her to the bed, seating him on the edge and cozying herself against him, head resting on his shoulder with her arms draped over him. "Because we'll always be here supporting one another. I'll be right here when you're ready to come back." 

He hadn't even realized he was crying until he felt a tear brush past his lip, her words being the nail in the coffin for those incessant anxieties that had tormented him for weeks now. 

"(y/n), I think we should break up." 

The words felt like poison in his mouth, churning his stomach until it was wrought with absolute disgust. There was a conflict in his body, one that had him beating himself for having even uttered said cursed words, but it was too late. He had spoken his thoughts. 

(y/n) had stiffened in his arms, silent as Soonyoung battled with himself, but then she slowly pulled away from him. Her eyes were blank at first, face stoic whilst analyzing his expression for any sign of humor or any indication that what he said was merely a cruel joke. But it wasn't. 

"Soonyoung, what are you trying to do? Talk to me before making such a large decision like that on your own." Even at such a young age, she was so mature. It was something he had always admired about her. How level headed she was, how calm and patient she became whenever he was off his hinges. She continued to show that maturity of hers, concealing whatever emotions she may be feeling and instead waiting for Soonyoung to calm down enough to talk. 

"I…" He had begun, eyes straying to his lap when he felt his words get caught in his throat, his body quaking with an incoming sob, though quickly collecting himself, clearing his throat of any obstruction and continuing. "You have been the light of my life for as long as I can remember. I've loved you for longer than I could even talk. You are the love of my life, and that's very clear to see." He paused, gathering his thoughts once more. (y/n) remained where she sat, hands having slid down to his biceps where they tentatively rested. "And all I've ever wanted was your happiness… But I think I will become that obstacle for you. I will be the thing preventing you from being happy."

"Why would you ever say that about yourself, Soonyoung?" She cupped his face, bringing his gaze back to her intimidatingly serious one. "You can't be in the way of my happiness if you are my happiness."

"(y/n), we've never been away from each other for even a day." Soonyoung all but wept, eyes blurring with tears as he laughed incredulously at his own statement. School field trips, family road trips, even girl scout camping included them both, Soonyoung somehow getting away with disguising as his sister when they were all children. "I don't think we'll be able to make it long distance."

"Who says we can't?"

"I do." His voice was broken, as was the rest of him, barely able to hold himself where he sat. (y/n) was quiet for a moment, in complete shock of what was happening in front of her. 

"Why are you so confident we can't do long distance? Sure, we've never been apart, but who's to say we can't survive away from each other? Soonyoung…" Yet again, (y/n) found herself redirecting his attention back to her, making sure he could see the absolute resolve in her eyes. "I love you. And I know you love me just as much. Isn't that enough reassurance?" 

Soonyoung could see how serious she was. He could see how much she was holding back, wanting to also burst into tears alongside him at such a scary moment in their lives, but even so, he had his mind settled. 

"No, it's not." She flinched at his words, her hands suddenly pulled away from him as if his skin were fire. She was taken aback, eyes wavering as Soonyoung began rubbing away his tears. 

"Why are you acting this way? You're not even giving us a chance. You're acting as if everything we've built together was for nothing. As if all those years together were just child's play when you literally mean the world to me." 

"(y/n), I love you," he interjected, shutting his eyes and taking a deep, final breath. "I love so much. You are everything to me. And I know I can't live without you. But I can't bear to see you lose yourself to a long distance relationship like this."

"Soonyoung–"

"You deserve a fulfilling and present love. A love that you won't have to struggle with time differences just to video call, a love where you don't have to be decided over homework, a love that's just as invigorating and perfect as you, and I'm no longer a viable option." 

He didn't know what had done it—which of his words had finally broken her fortitude, but before he knew it, he heard sniffling beside him, and when he finally met her gaze again, there were tears running down her face, lips downturned whilst staring back at him in disappointment. 

"Who even are you anymore?" He stayed quiet at her question, not really knowing how to even answer this if he had wanted to. Physically, he was still Soonyoung, but so much had happened in such a short duration of time that he felt like his soul lay dormant deep within him. He didn't know what entity of sorts took over that compelled him to act in such a way and feel these doubts he's never felt before, but there was no changing him at this point. 

And within seconds, this strong, independent girl Soonyoung had grown to love with all of his heart had deteriorated with defeat. She pulled her hands away from his in lieu of shielding her face, leaving cold pockets on his body from where her touch had once resided. He felt a stab at his heart as she silently wept to herself, a sight he rarely if ever saw from her. And to know that he was the reason she was like this killed him inside.

Yet even so, he still didn't take back his words. He didn't apologize for destroying their relationship so heartlessly. He just sat there, watching her, knowing this would be the last image of her he'd see before flying the next morning.

And as greedy as it was—as absolutely cold and insensitive as it was for him to do—he slid closer to her, hands hovering over her wrists for a second more, as if giving himself one more chance to stop, but it seemed as if his body had now begun running on autopilot. Latching onto her hands, he gently tugged them away from her face, cupping her cheeks so as to have her looking at him. 

She was crushed, tears an endless stream of moisture seeping from her now reddened eyes, facial muscles contorted with sadness. It was a sight that absolutely destroyed Soonyoung, yet still it was undeniable in his mind: she was as beautiful as she had always been and always would be.

Perhaps it was with that thought, that subtle reminder that he truly did and always would love her for who she was, that compelled him to lean forward, pressing his lips onto hers one last time, as if one last proclamation of his eternal love for her. His eyes had shut, tears slipping away from him as he brought her closer to him, pouring out every ounce of affection he could, hoping that what his words failed to convey, his kiss would translate—show her that somewhere in him, Soonyoung still resided; that she hadn't lost him entirely yet. 

She had kissed him back, hands threading through his hair and pulling him closer, afraid that if she had let go, he'd disappear from her forever. 

And her fears had proven true. After that last night together, tangled in each other's limbs, their final moments expressing their love for one another, he had left, leaving behind a kiss on her forehead and his heart now in her hands as he flew across the country, an emotionless void as he pursued what he thought he'd always wanted. 

His demeanor had changed greatly during breakfast, something Seokmin had noticed almost immediately. The boys agreed to meet up later when the others were available, agreeing to hit up some places around the city together. Seokmin was driving Soonyoung home for the time being, refraining from mentioning his solemn expression as he sat in the passenger's seat quietly. The man had too many thoughts running through his mind at all times. It was something that Soonyoung had always dealt with. They'd be talking about one thing, and within a second, Soonyoung would have changed the route of their conversation because he suddenly remembered something. Though now rather than his silly little conversational segues growing up, his thoughts seemed a dark place that no one would want to venture into. Seokmin just hoped that their friends would be able to distract him some later tonight. 

Once they pulled into the driveway of Soonyoung's parent's house, they both stepped out of the vehicle, making their way to the entrance until Seokmin's phone began ringing. 

"Hello?" He swiftly answered as Soonyoung fished for his keys. "What? Wait– hold on– Grandma, I– Slow down for a second, slow down. Are you okay? Are you hurt at all?" Soonyoung turned around, eyes widening in shock as he looked at a very concerned and confused Seokmin. "Okay, I'll be right there. Just stay put." 

"What happened?" 

"She got into a car accident. She said it's a minor one, but still." 

"Of course, I understand, go over there," Soonyoung insisted, already ushering Seokmin over to his car. 

"Wait, Soonyoung, wait." They both stopped for a moment, facing each other with equally troubled expressions. "It's almost 2 o'clock." Soonyoung's mouth dropped immediately, hand resting on his forehead as he began to truly process Seokmin's plight. 

"Chaerim…" 

"I know it's a lot to ask of you, but could you pick her up for me?" Seokmin asked, already unlocking his car as he waited for Soonyoung's answer, which came seconds later in vigorous nods. It brought a small smile to his face, seeing some form of life once more in his friend's eyes. "Great, thank you so much, dude. I'll text you the address. I owe you big time."

Once Seokmin had left, Soonyoung immediately rushed into the house to grab his keys before driving off. He must've broken quite a few traffic laws considering he made it to the store, bought a car seat, and installed it, all with just minutes to spare before 2.

He double checked the booster seat once more, shaking it around to ensure it was latched on safely, before he backed away with a huff, turning his attention to her daycare he was parked in front of. 

A quaint little location with trees and flowers littered around the front, a sign of alternating primary colors reading 'Little Sun Daycare' under a rainbow arch with clouds on either side. From where he stood, he could see a large, open backyard with all the things to occupy a child's attention span. Though it was barren, so he knew they were all likely nestled away safely inside. 

He rubbed his suddenly sweaty palms on the front of his jeans before pulling the door open, wincing at the loud chime over his head once he saw what he had walked into. About a dozen or so children, all scattered across the floor with blankets and pillows as a faint lullaby played on loop behind them. He stood there awkwardly, frozen in place with his eyes darting from each and every child, checking to see if any stirred, though luckily it seemed he'd gotten away with it. 

Another moment passed before a lady came around the corner, steps light and casual like the seasoned caregiver she most likely was. She was older with brown hair pulled into a bun, a few wiry gray strands sticking to and fro from what must've been an already strenuous day with the children. She offered Soonyoung a gentle smile, revealing wrinkles that curved with her face, as if showing how often they formed due to her frequent grins and happiness. 

"Hello," Soonyoung whispered, practically tiptoeing closer to her out of fear of making any more noise. "I'm sorry for… that." He gestured grandly to the bell behind him. She snickered, waving her hand dismissively to him. 

"It's alright, dear, these kids can usually sleep through a stampede." Her voice was low, though definitely not as quiet as Soonyoung had been, and he found himself quickly adapting to her volume levels as she went behind the front desk. "Pick-up?"

"Oh… Yes, I'm here for pick-up." He nodded at her words, somewhat surprised at how quickly she had deduced his reason for coming. She handed him a clipboard of names, presumably that of the kids, before she left to go into the room of napping children.

His eyes scanned the list before settling on Chaerim's. There were two boxes in her row, one for drop off and one for pick-up. (y/n)'s name was already signed in one, and Soonyoung needed a moment to collect himself, gaze now focused on her signature. It was silly of him to feel so affected by mere writing, especially when he had written his name next to hers on the pick-up column. It had the same satisfaction as when he'd write his name with her last name growing up, long before he had the bravery to ask her out and he was merely dealing with a crush that rotted his brain away.

Chaerim. (y/n). Soonyoung. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a little voice calling out to him.

"Soonie?" He turned around, heart swelling as he saw a tired Chaerim rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Her face was puffy, hair in complete disarray, but she looked absolutely adorable to him. He crouched to his knees with a smile on his face, and that was supposedly enough of a boost for the girl to all but launch herself into his hold, tiny arms thrown around his neck as she buried her face into his shoulder. A warmth spread through his body as he cradled her against him, standing to his full height before facing the woman again. 

"She had almost an hour-long nap. Snack time was just before naptime, so she may be hungry. And she was praised today for sharing toys with the other kids." Soonyoung chuckled at this, patting her back approvingly as she refused to stray from where she nestled herself into him. 

"Thank you so much," he responded to her, backing away towards the door as he waved goodbye to her. 

"Of course. It's lovely to finally meet you!" The words hadn't really hit him until the door had closed behind them. Then he, had stood there frozen for another moment, eyes widened when he processed both her implication and how she had wordlessly gone to retrieve Chaerim. He bit back a smile, continuing his trek to his car as he greeted the little girl in his arms. 

"Are you surprised?" He felt her nod against him. 

"Yeah," she mumbled into his shirt. "Because usually it's Uncle Seokmin who picks me up. But today, it was Soonie." His cheeks were already hurting from smiling and he hadn't even gotten into the car yet.

"I like the name you've given me," he replied to her as he strapped the little girl into her seat, shaking her around a bit to check again for stability purposes, earning a few bubbly giggles from her before he slipped into the driver's seat. 

"Are we going to Aunt Jihyo's? Uncle Seokmin usually takes me to Aunt Jihyo's afterwards. And then Aunt Jihyo and I play games and watch movies until mommy comes." Soonyoung hummed happily at her babbling in the background, refreshing his chat with Seokmin where he had only sent him the address to the daycare. Soonyoung sent a second text out, even though his other one hadn't been read yet. He knew it'd be a stretch asking Chaerim for directions, so with a shake of his head, he began backing out of the parking lot. 

"I was actually thinking we could hang, you and me. How does that sound?"

"Yeah!" She hollered loudly, all that drowsiness she had before dissipating as she kicked her legs excitedly. 

To be fair, if he weren't driving, he'd also probably be kicking his legs around, the thought of spending time with Chaerim just as exciting of an idea to him as it was to her, and he hadn't even had a full conversation with the girl on his own. It just comes to show how invigorating of a person she was at such a young age already. Just as entrancing as her mother.

It was almost by nature that he had navigated them to the park. It was a quaint area filled with lush trees and winding cobbled paths. At the center of it all was a lake where many visitors would fish or feed the wildlife, and that main walkway encircled the body of water, a route many morning joggers would wind up taking.

Their town wasn't necessarily small, but it also wasn't a grand city with a variety of things to do and places to visit; as such, the park was a sight he and his friends had frequented often whilst growing up together. He remembers learning to skip stones with Minghao at the lake, climbing around the playground with Mingyu and Seokmin as if it were an obstacle course where they couldn't touch the floor, playing manhunt with everyone in the middle of the night. Asking out (y/n) as the sun was setting behind them. It was a place he held near and dear to his heart, and something in him wanted to create even more memories now with Chaerim by his side. 

The girl seemed perhaps even more excited than he was, if that were even possible, already preemptively pressing the red button of her car seat and freeing herself from her restraints. Though she sat there anyways, waiting for Soonyoung to turn off the car and take her out of her seat himself. 

With her little hand wrapped around two of his fingers, they strolled through the park together, Soonyoung letting her ramble away to her heart's content. 

"You should be happy I named you Soonie," she called out to him from where she walked below. He hummed in acknowledgement at this, a confused yet amused smile crossing his face as she continued speaking. "Uncle Seokmin keeps asking me to change his name, but I don't want to."

"Why not? A nickname would be much shorter than Uncle Seokmin."

"What's a nickname?"

"It's when you shorten the person's name. You call me Soonie instead of Soonyoung. Soonie is a nickname."

"Why can't it be your real name?"

"It could if I legally change it."

"Change it."

"Maybe some other day," Soonyoung laughed at her insistence, gazing down at her fondly. How lucky you would have had to been to be blessed with Chaerim's presence on a daily basis. It was a relieving thought to know that three of the most trustworthy people he could name were her guardians.

Jihyo, who had been with (y/n) for years to come. A friend that was one in a million. Someone who stood the test of time, never once straying from (y/n) throughout the duration of their friendship.

He remembers when he had gotten into a fight on (y/n)'s behalf, having heard a guy talking crassly about her. It was Jihyo who had yanked Soonyoung off the guy, urging him to rethink his decision. The last thing (y/n) would want out of this was her boyfriend to be suspended for fighting this jerk. But when the guy continued with his vulgar language regarding (y/n), Jihyo had performed quite possibly the most impressive elbow drop ever seen, landing them both into weeks of detention together. 

It was a silly thing to bond over, but nonetheless had sealed a sort of unspoken friendship that neither of them had expected. 

Then there was Seokmin, one of his best friends since elementary school—and still claiming that title today. 

He was inherently kindhearted, accepting of anyone no matter their circumstances. Soonyoung berated him at times for putting others before himself too often, though it seemed like it didn't affect Seokmin in the slightest. As if he derived all of his enjoyment from helping others, both a selfless but also selfish matter as he did think of others, but he mostly did it because it brought himself joy. Still a saint if there ever was one, and from what he's heard thus far regarding his participation in Chaerim and (y/n)'s life, this still proved true. 

Then there was (y/n). Were there even words to describe how perfect (y/n) was? How sweet and caring and loving she is. Warm and doting with kisses that can heal any ailment, physical or emotional. Thoughtful and patient and compassionate. Soonyoung had brought the passion in their relationship, the whimsy that made love so worthwhile and memorable. Yet she was the stability in their relationship, able to ground Soonyoung when he grew too rambunctious, quell any argument that would surface between them, balance the energy Soonyoung evoked with her own tranquility. 

There was no better person to mother such an adoring child as Chaerim. No better person to be raised by with such love and tenderness. There was no person like (y/n), nor would there ever be. 

"Why is it called nickname?" Chaerim suddenly chimed in, catching Soonyoung off guard who just spoke the first thing in his mind, in a feeble attempt to impress the young girl with his nonexistent knowledge. 

"Nick is the shortened version of Nicholas." His eyes had widened comically at his words, impressed by how the reasoning seemed to fit the context, yet also dumbfounded by how idiotic he was. Chaerim didn't seem to be affected by his nonsense. 

"So Soonyoung is your Nicholasname?" 

"Yes." He could already sense another question on the tip of the inquisitive girl's tongue, and Soonyoung couldn't find it in himself to lie to her again. "Oh, look at that!" He threw his hand up with a gasp leaving his mouth, pointing to the ice cream truck just off the edge of the path they walked on. While he seemed excited, Chaerim was otherwise unimpressed, drawing nearer to him as they stopped in their path. 

"I'm not allowed to have ice cream," she explained, to which Soonyoung gaped at her response, almost immediately crouching to her level in shock. 

"Why not? Is it something about spoiling your dinner?" She hummed at his question, needing a moment to herself to think of her words. 

"Mommy says I can't. She says I lack toes in taller ants." Soonyoung blinked in wonder at this, in complete and utter confusion at what she was getting at. Lack toes in taller ants. Lack toes. In taller ants. 

"Lack toes… Lactose intolerant." His voice was barely above a whisper, both hesitant of his conclusion, but also fearful for the answer—on whether she truly is lactose intolerant.

She nodded. 

His breathing was shaky, nerves alight as he nodded at her response. His heart felt like it had seized in his chest for a moment, yet even with the internal panic setting in, he still felt a smile twitching at his lips. 

"Well, lucky for you, this ice cream truck has ice cream you can eat." Her eyes widened, a wide toothy grin setting in. 

"Really?"

"Yeah. And you can trust me on this. I'm also lactose intolerant." She laughed in absolute wonderment, allowing him to scoop her up and take her to the ice cream truck he used to visit as a child himself.

Ordering the ice cream felt sort of like a fever dream as he was still processing the newfound information. The coincidences were becoming far too frequent for him to ignore. Chaerim's undeniable resemblance to him that has even stumped people outside their circumstances. Chaerim's genetic lactose intolerance that she had to have gotten from someone other than (y/n). Even now as they ate their sorbets, they had similar tastes. 

"I don't like this," Chaerim said, sticking out her tongue in disgust. 

"Then why'd you ask for it?"

"Mommy says I like peaches." Soonyoung chuckled at this, glancing down at his strawberry sorbet one last time before extending it to the girl seated beside him.

"Here, try mine." She leant forward, biting into the pink dome of sweetness before humming in delight and nodding. Gone was his strawberry, now eating her peach one—which he also didn't really like all that much. 

She was cozied up into his side, all but devouring her strawberry treat while Soonyoung soaked in the moment. He memorized the way the sun beat down upon them, how the cool breeze passed by and chilled the perspiration settling on their faces. The feeling of fulfillment gripping at his heart just from being with Chaerim, feeling her so close to his side, taking in the radiance she emitted, her happiness that he had managed to instill in her. It was an emotion he never thought existed, but now couldn't get enough. Something only she seemed to awaken in him, and something he'd quite possibly never grow weary of. 

"DK," She shouted enthusiastically all of the sudden, startling Soonyoung some out of his thoughts. 

"What's DK?"

"Uncle Seokmin." 

"How'd you come up with that?"

"It's the letters in his name. Seok and Min." 

"That's not… There's no… Okay." She giggled at him, causing him to laugh along with her. Her head pressed into the side of his chest, right along where his heart seemed to beat more obviously by the moment. It was such a perfect moment, and Soonyoung's delusions seemed to continuously feed into that delight, yet something in him nagged incessantly, a voice that seemed to call upon his downfall as his mouth opened. "Chaerim… How old are you?"

"I'm turning 4." She proudly raised up four fingers into Soonyoung's sight, and his heart all but shattered alongside the fantasy that had been concocted in his head at the moment.

She was 3. Far too young to have been his child. 

He didn't understand. There was so much that said otherwise. So many signs that supported his beliefs. So many reasons to prove that she was his daughter. It confused him. It left his heart in fractures. It had this numb feeling quickly settling in, reminding him that he was nothing. That he was delusional to have even thought for a moment Chaerim was his. That he had even the slightest chance of reconnecting with (y/n). That he could ever possibly get this dream life that he had abandoned on his own. 

"Soonie, I like ice cream. Can we get more later?" He bit his lip, blinking away the tears that threatened to surface and began nodding his head. A grin settled over his face at Chaerim's request, sighing in relief as he was forced back into reality. The reality that although he wasn't her father, he still very much so loved this little girl, and nothing could change that. 

"Of course, sunshine," he cooed, fingers combing through the thin strands of her jet black hair. "We'll have to get permission from your mommy first. I'm not even sure if I was allowed to do this much." 

"And when mommy says yes, we can all get ice cream together." Soonyoung's heart skipped a beat at the mere mention of (y/n), but his mind blanked upon the insinuation of her joining them. The three of them all together, spending a day in the park eating ice cream like a little family. 

His perfect little family. 

"Yeah. We'll do just that."

"Pinky promise?" She held out her hand to him, pinky jutted out expectantly as she looked up at him. 

"Pinky promise." He linked his pinky with hers, earning more of her pleased giggles that soothed away all of his anxieties. 

Time passed by quickly, and soon Soonyoung was waiting at (y/n)'s door, seated on the ground as Chaerim continued talking to him. The elevator they had used to arrive at the apartment chimed, and out rushed a panicked (y/n), eyes manic as she zeroed in on her daughter. 

"Mommy!" Chaerim called out, rushing over to the woman who dropped to her knees, a sigh of relief puffing out of her as she finally had her daughter back in her arms. 

"My baby, thank heavens you're alright." Soonyoung smiled fondly at the sight, taking another moment to watch the two before he rose to his feet, garnering (y/n)'s attention. 

"I'm sorry. I would've called you about the change in plans, but I basically only had Seokmin's number, and Seokmin was preoccupied." She nodded, also standing up with him, Chaerim wrapped in her arms. 

"I understand," she responded, heading over to her front door. "Could you get my keys out of my bag?" 

Soonyoung automatically obeyed, fishing out her keys in mere seconds as he unlocked the door for the two. He followed close behind, slipping her bag off her shoulder and allowing her to peacefully reconvene with her daughter in the living room, cradling the young girl for a few more minutes to herself. 

"Mommy, Soonie picked me up today!"

"I know, that's so fun, isn't it?"

"Yeah! DK was busy, so Soonie came."

"DK?"

"And then we went to the park!" Soonyoung snorted as Chaerim completely ignored (y/n)'s confusion, leaning against the wall and watching (y/n) struggle to keep up with her daughter. "We went to the park and we had ice cream!"

"Ice cream?" She turned to look at Soonyoung, a hint of confusion, but upon seeing him mouth 'sorbet', she nodded in understanding, smiling as she returned to her daughter. "That's exciting! Was it yummy?"

"No!" Chaerim proclaimed proudly, (y/n)'s jaw dropping at the rollercoaster of a conversation happening. "I had peach ice cream first."

"You don't like peaches." Soonyoung had to hold back his laugh, chest quaking with contained cackles, remembering how confidently Chaerim had explained her mom telling her she liked peaches. Though that laughter dissipated, quickly replaced with betrayal as Chaerim continued. 

"Soonie said I liked peaches." While Soonyoung was about to defend his position, (y/n) merely nodded, already accustomed to Chaerim's inconsistencies as a toddler. "But he gave me his strawberry, and it was really yummy!" 

"You swapped ice creams?" (y/n) asked, gaze returning to Soonyoung, a ghost of a smile on her lips with that familiar glint of fondness returning to her eyes, a sight that Soonyoung couldn't recall the last time seeing, and it had him shaken to his core right at that moment, stomach twisting in knots and heart pounding against his chest as the emotions swirling in him seemed to awaken from their hibernation. 

"Yeah we did! We can swap again next time with you!" (y/n) drifted her attention back to Chaerim, that fleeting tender gaze dissipating, soon replaced by confusion once more. 

"What?" 

"Soonie and I want you to eat ice cream with us!"

She didn't look back at Soonyoung, merely nodding in agreement and faintly smiling. 

"Of course, sweetheart. I'll join you guys next time." Before Chaerim could offer her pinky as she did him, (y/n) stood from the couch. "Soonie has to go now though! Go ahead and say goodbye!" 

(y/n) was already walking away as her daughter whined in protest, darting over to where Soonyoung resided and clinging to his legs. 

"Soonie, don't go!"

God, he didn't want to. It was the last thing on his mind, especially when he met her glassy eyed stare, a pleading gaze begging him not to leave her. His heart was too weak for this, but he knew he couldn't disobey (y/n)'s decree, and he begrudgingly lowered to his knees, gathering Chaerim in his arms for one last hug. 

"It's alright, sunshine. There's always another day. I made a promise, didn't I?" With one last squeeze, he pulled away, making sure he looked at her with the most unwaveringly resolute expression he could muster. "And I never break my promises." 

She giggled and nodded, hugging him again before running off to her room, leaving (y/n) and him alone at the foyer. 

"I'm really sorry about today," Soonyoung began, quick to break the silence before it grew to be too tense. "Seokmin had that issue with his grandmother, and he forgot to text me Jihyo's address–"

"It's okay, Soonyoung. Really." Her voice was soft as she cut him off, hand raised to silence him. "I should be thanking you, to be honest. This is probably the most fun she's had in a long time." 

"No need to thank me at all." Soonyoung gave a subtle laugh, looking down at his feet bashfully. "Chaerim is the sweetest little girl out there. I had a very good day with her." 

(y/n) smiled at this, nodding at his words before turning to begin making dinner. 

"I'm glad. She seems to really like you." She hesitated for a moment, causing mid sentence. "Thank you… for giving her your time of day. It really means a lot to us."

"(y/n)..." He knew where her words came from. He could hear it in her tone. The pain. The betrayal. The wounds still fresh from when he had left her that morning. Left her to wake up on her own to an empty bed and no other word from him. Completely and utterly alone. He knew what he had done, and while he regretted it with every fiber of his being, he still stood there, contemplating what he could possibly say to someone he had left behind years and years ago. Because no matter how much he regrets his actions, he can never take it back. "I'm sorry… I know it doesn't make up for anything, but truly, I'm genuinely, desperately sorry."

Her eyes were focused on the granite of her countertop, hands shaking while clenched together on the surface. She was holding so much in, and it killed Soonyoung. Knowing he had left her this way. That he reduced her to this state.

"It's fine. It's in the past." Her voice was steady and calm, a contrast to her physical appearance where she seemed to be barely holding herself up. But in typical (y/n) fashion, she looked up at him, all emotion stowed away as she greeted him with that professional facade of hers; the one that she used on everyone to hide how she truly felt. The facade that she had never once directed to him because he could see right through it every time. And it hurt. Seeing how she couldn't even bear to share even a fragment of emotion to him anymore, as if last night's crying fest between the two was for nothing. He hated it. Indifference felt even colder than the sting of hatred. He'd much rather have preferred she loathed him to the depths of his soul, yet she just waved it off, smiling and making her way around him and to her door. "New era, new me. There's no use in holding grudges or holding on to the past. I appreciate everything you've done for Chaerim today. But I'm sure she's taken up quite a bit of your day, and I wouldn't want to waste anymore of your time."

The door was wide open before Soonyoung could even get a say in, and he unwillingly walked out of the apartment, steps slow and dragging as he passed by (y/n) avoiding his stare by focusing on the floor beneath them. 

"I…" Soonyoung spoke as he passed the threshold of their home, turning around before (y/n) could start closing the door. She looked up at him, brows furrowed together warily at what he could possibly want. "Can I… take Chaerim out some days while I'm here?" Her mouth fell open, but nothing came out, merely shocked to hear Soonyoung's preposition. "I don't have any plans this month, and I really did enjoy my time with her. And I'll take good care of her. That is, only if we have your permission, of course." 

"I'll… I'll have to see how she feels about this. You know, since it's also her opinion on the matter."

"Of course." Soonyoung hesitated for a moment, biting his lip in thought, but he urged himself to push forward. "Can I… give you my number? So we can stay in contact about… Chaerim?" 

"Soonyoung…" She was tongue-tied to say the least, fumbling over noncommittal words and syllables, trying to get herself out of this situation, but to no avail. It brought a smile to his face as she pulled out her phone and handed it to him, because he did have a point. As a mother, she wouldn't want what happened today to happen again. Yes, Soonyoung was playing on her natural maternal instincts, but he meant well nevertheless. 

With their numbers exchanged, she bid him farewell, thanking him one last time before allowing the door to fall closed behind her. And Soonyoung walked out of that apartment building triumphantly, pleased with himself and how his day had gone. His heart felt more full than it ever had before, all because he had the knowledge of (y/n)'s number stored into his phone. It was a silly thing, but something that had him beaming to himself as he took a moment to stare at her contact in his car. He felt like a schoolboy all over again, gushing about his crush who had given him the bare minimum, but God did the bare minimum feel like everything he's ever wanted in life. 

He was snapped out of his revelry with his phone vibrating in hand, Seokmin's contact taking over his screen with an incoming call. 

"Hello?" Soonyoung answered. 

"Soonyoung, hey! It's Seokmin. I just wanted to check up on how everything's going. My grandma got checked up, she just has a few bruises that should clear up in a few weeks. Car doesn't look too good, but at least she's fine."

"That's great!" Soonyoung sighed for his friend, smiling at the good news. "I'm glad to hear everything is okay. As for me, today went well. I picked up Chaerim and took her to the park. We had some sorbets together, walked around a bit, and I just finished dropping her off at (y/n)'s." 

"Awesome, I seriously owe you, dude."

"No, you don't." Soonyoung's eyes glanced up to (y/n)'s floor, comfortingly smiling at whatever the girls could be up to at this time. "I honestly owe you, if we're being honest."

"Ah, you see what I mean?" Seokmin spoke in a teasing manner, and Soonyoung could already envision the shit eating grin across his friend's face. "Isn't she the sweetest thing ever. I love hanging out with her." 

"I do, too," Soonyoung confessed, eyes slowly moving down from the apartment building, naturally landing on his rearview mirror with a clear image of Chaerim's now empty booster seat. "Listen, Seokmin, I have a… serious question to ask you." 

"Shoot, what's up?"

"Who's Chaerim's father?" 

The line was dead silent with only the natural buzz of feedback to greet his ears. His hand clenched at the wheel, waiting for Seokmin's words which seemed to be far too delayed for his taste. As if this silence would stretch on for another eon with Soonyoung wasting away, waiting in anticipation for his answer, only hoping it's the one he wants. 

"I don't know," Seokmin responded, his tone growing grave with his words. "I'm not sure… But I mean, Jihyo is basically her dad. We like to joke around that she's more of a dad than an aunt to the girl, you know what I mean?" Soonyoung pursed his lips, easily seeing how Seokmin redirected the conversation. But he didn't dwell on that, nodding to himself at his friend's excuse of an answer. 

"Yeah, I get you. Jihyo is a real one." 

"I actually have to go and deal with her now, because I had like 20 missed calls from her and I called you first to delay the inevitable when I have to call her back." Soonyoung expelled some air from his nose in a soft, breathy laugh. 

"I wish you luck, my friend." 

"Thank you, I'll be needing it. I'll pick you up at 8 tonight. Sounds good?"

"Sounds good to me."

Soonyoung may have drank too much last night. And he may have woken up with a hangover so bad that even laying on his pillow had his head pounding. All of this may hold true, but none of it stopped Soonyoung from downing some painkillers and heading out to the daycare, far too excited to even consider the pain throbbing at his skull. Because through all of the agony he had woken to, there was one shining light at the end of the dim tunnel; a text from (y/n), saying that both she and Chaerim had consented to him picking her up and spending the day with her. 

He was lucky that the other guys were just as drunk as him, Seokmin not even reading Soonyoung's message telling him he was going to be busy that day—perhaps still knocked out after their rambunctious night, one that Soonyoung struggled to remember. 

He could only remember glimpses of memories here and there. Joshua pulling a Gatorade out of his backpack and mixing it with his shot, attracting the attention of passersby who also wanted a douse of Gatorade infused in their liquor. He remembered Seokmin trying to front flip on the karaoke stage and failing miserably, laying there flat on his back as the instrumental to Call Me Maybe continued playing in the background. He remembered Mingyu and Chan trying to impress girls by using their strength in quite possibly the dumbest way Soonyoung had ever seen being attempted; Chan trying to do pull ups on Mingyu's arms who desperately flexed to try and hold the boy up—though it did manage to impress many guys at the bar, and they made quite a few gym friends along the way.

He was just grateful he managed to find his way home somehow in one piece, and made it a reminder to check on the others later in the day when they've likely recovered. But for now, he was on his way to the daycare, ready to retrieve Chaerim early so they could be together for even longer today. 

The pick up was much like the day before, though this time, Soonyoung came before naptime and was greeted by many smiling faces playing together in the next room. The lady came to greet him once more as Chaerim clung to him again, and soon they were off. 

"Where are we going today, Soonie!" She shouted from where she sat, inside voice out the window as she kicked her feet excitedly once more. The sight warmed his heart, the small mirrored image of her in his rearview mirror sparking this wholesome comfort in his heart, a fond smile stretching across his face. 

"I haven't decided yet, sunshine," he replied. "We can go to the zoo–"

"The zoo!" She cried enthusiastically, the shrillness of her voice somewhat grating on his ear, triggering another throbbing sensation in his head, though he shook it off with a wince and a shrug. "I want the zoo, Soonie! I want the zoo!"

"Or we can go to the mall and I can buy you whatever you want."

She grew quiet all of a sudden, startling Soonyoung who quickly glanced at his rearview mirror to see the girl staring off into oblivion, mouth ajar and eyes glazed over. She sat there completely motionless for a few seconds, and Soonyoung was about to pull over to check on her when she suddenly sat up again. 

"Soonie buys me toys at the zoo." 

He blinked at her proposition, but nevertheless nodded with a laugh. 

"Sounds like a plan. Good job finding a compromise so quickly." 

"What's a com-pom-rise?" 

The remainder of the journey was repetitive, to say the least, with Chaerim babbling nonsensically, hitting Soonyoung with unexpected questions as if to keep him on track with her discussions, singing songs together, and at some point she dozed off for five minutes before waking up fully energized. 

And the zoo was as good an idea as ever, perhaps better than it had gone in his head when he had been deliberating on potential places to take the young girl. Her smile seemed to never fade throughout the day, a permanent fixture on her face as he brought her to each and every animal they had to offer. He'd hold her up to get a better view of the monkeys, summarize what the tour guides said in words she'd understand, even had his arm wrapped around her the entire time she was in the petting zoo, far too wary to approach any of the animals on her own.

All the while, he snapped photos of her and him, sending them to (y/n) to keep her updated. It felt bittersweet to have her on speed dial once more. Accessible to him at any moment in time. He'd remember them texting each other at night, using up all of their minutes just to be with the other. And later on, they'd call each other for hours at a time, his face pressed into the pillow and his phone resting on his ear, dozing off to the sound of her absent-minded humming. Though again, they were merely memories at this point. And he was reminded of that as he sent her the next batch of images, the last one staring back at him almost mockingly.

One where his face was pressed against Chaerim's, the both of them sporting the same toothy smile, cheeks puffed with joy and eyes crinkled into slits. While the fact still remained—that being Chaerim is not his biological child—he couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort looking at the image. A sort of reminder of what could have been. That this little girl is what his child with (y/n) would've looked like had he not thrown everything away.

"Soonie," said little girl called up to him, tugging at the hem of his shirt to summon his attention. "I'm tired." 

That's right, he picked her up before naptime. Not only that, but they've been walking around the zoo for a few hours now. Of course she's bound to be tired, she's still practically a baby. He could probably find a quiet spot where she can nap. She can use his jacket as a blanket and his lap as a pillow. Would that be sufficient enough? What if it's too sunny out for her to nap? Is there a place that's even quiet enough? What if she collapses on him out of exhaustion? 

Another tug at his shirt has him crouching to her height almost immediately, and Chaerim took the opportunity to latch onto his neck, scrambling into his arms so when he stood again, she was safely nestled against him. As if through magic, her touch settled the frenzied thoughts swirling in his head, silencing his incessant doubts and worries with a simple hug. The ends of her pigtails tickled beneath his jaw, grounding him and bringing a smile to his face. 

This must've been what it felt like to be a father. The thought harrowing, the responsibilities debilitating, worries for your child being an inevitable occurrence with every waking moment. Yet at the end of the day, when you had them in your arm, feeling their comforting weight against you, it was like there was nothing to even worry about. Like all of those struggles endured were worth it in the end. Like nothing else in the world mattered, as long as they were safe and happy. This fulfilling sense of harmony like the calm after the storm, the remedy to his qualms, the spark of warmth in an otherwise frigid wasteland.

What power such a tiny human held, one that he had only met some few days ago, yet one that he found himself loving wholeheartedly, willing to throw everything away if that's what she asked of him. There they sat on a secluded bench, his jacket draped on her back as she dozed off on his shoulder. The hanging branches above them offered a generous amount of shade, yet those pesky rays of light that peeked through the leaves threatened Chaerim's rest, so Soonyoung sat there with his hand hovering over her face, making sure nothing disturbed her peace. His arm ached and his shoulder had long gone numb from keeping its position, though he found he couldn't care less about these minor inconveniences. 

Not when his little sunshine was sleeping calmly against him, her steady breaths puffing against his neck as her fists weakly pawed at his shirt. 

The zoo trip finally reached its conclusion, Chaerim strapped into her car seat between her new flamingo, giraffe, and tiger toys, who were also strapped into their seats. The latter was a given, Soonyoung already snagging it from its hook and adding it to her pile. She didn't complain though, if her talking to her new tiger was any indication. On the way home, she had already bestowed upon it the noble name of Stripey, as well as an entire backstory about Stripey having fled from her wartorn kingdom before the enemy lion troops were to capture her, taking refuge in the zoo until Chaerim came to her rescue.

Soonyoung was very invested, on the edge of his seat whenever she hit him with yet another plot twist to the convoluted story, to the point that he hadn't even realized he'd made it to the apartment building until he had actually parked, nor did he truly acknowledge the situation at hand until Chaerim had rapped her knuckles against the door once they had reached the apartment itself. 

Moments later, the door opened, and there stood (y/n) in all of her glory. It was idiotic how absolutely awestruck Soonyoung was every time he saw. How enamored he was with her whenever he so much as stood in her presence. The impact she had on him still to this day something that astonished him, though at the same time didn't necessarily surprise him, as she had lingered in his mind practically every day since the moment he first met her. 

Soonyoung stood in sheer wonderment as usual, though was suddenly sent hurtling into a completely different sense of astoundment as she blessed him with a smile. A warm and genuine grin with tinges of bittersweet poignancy at its edges. It wasn't that conflicted, distant gaze she usually looked at him with, watching him as one would an exhibit of sorts. It felt new, yet comfortingly familiar in a way. As if slowly but surely, her exterior was melting away. 

"Mommy!" Chaerim shouted, squirming out of Soonyoung's arms the moment (y/n) appeared. She managed to wrangle the little girl from Soonyoung's wavering grip, chuckling to herself at the fear that flashed Soonyoung's eyes the moment he thought he'd drop Chaerim. He was left to trail after the two, right arm still clutching the three stuffed animals and the small gift shop bag. All the while, Chaerim babbled on to her mother about the entirety of her day. 

Soonyoung was leant against the wall as the two girls sat themselves on the couch, the scene similar to the day before, yet also vastly different. The setting sun's rays seeping in through the windows no longer felt like an anxious conclusion to the day, though instead a hopeful end. One where Soonyoung could rest assured that he wasn't being completely removed from the equation. He couldn't really pinpoint it, but it felt as if something changed. As if turning a new leaf. Watching the girls talk hadn't felt like he was intruding on a private conversation, but instead spectating the amusing scene of a toddler desperately strewing words together to describe the events of the zoo to her mother. 

"And then–and then Soonie and I went to see the rhinos, and they were like this big," she exclaimed excitedly, tossing her arms open to indicate the sheer size of the animals mentioned. (y/n) nodded, undoing Chaerim's pigtails and combing through her locks. "And then we saw the giraffes and they were even bigger!"

"No way," (y/n) responded, triggering another surge of excitement from the little girl who insisted vehemently on the giraffe's staggering height. Soonyoung rested his head against the wall, a wide smile stretched across his face. (y/n) glanced over at him, biting back her own smile while Chaerim continued.

Something had changed. A shift in the atmosphere that was unlike yesterday's. It felt almost unfair that Soonyoung couldn't narrow down what exactly it was, yet either way he was immensely grateful, especially as (y/n) redirected her attention to him, dismissing Chaerim for now. She stood from the couch, walking into the kitchen, and Soonyoung naturally followed after her, no words needed. 

"Looks like she had fun," (y/n) stated, an entertained laugh slipping out at the end of her sentence.

"She did, I'm glad to see that." Soonyoung glanced into the living room where the aforementioned little girl watched her cartoons in an almost dazed state. "I was worried she wouldn't like it." 

"Please, she got to see animals and she got toys at the end of it all. You couldn't have made her happier." She briefly opened the fridge, pulling out a sealed container before placing it on the island countertop. Soonyoung glanced between it and her for a few moments, not understanding the sudden appearance of the item, but with a roll of her eyes, (y/n) slid it closer to him. "Hangover soup." 

Soonyoung's mouth fell open, eyes widening some as he hesitantly brought the dish closer. 

"How did you know?" She looked at him with amused confusion, as if the answer to the question was obvious. Nonetheless, she shrugged with a smirk. 

"Maybe a little birdie told me you all were getting wasted last night." Soonyoung giggled some, thoughts returning to his friend who most likely is dealing with the same pain as him. He'd be sure to share this with Seokmin when he sees him next. 

"Thank you. Really. You didn't have to do all this."

"Of course I did." She waved him off dismissively, faux exasperation at his humility. His lips pursed into a thin line, fingers fiddling with the twine loops of the gift bag before finally lifting it and placing it on the counter with a soft thud. It was now her turn to look between the bag and him expectantly, only for him to follow her prior movements, sliding the bag across the counter much the same as the soup. 

Hesitatingly, she took the item, the light touch of her fingers causing the dense paper material to crinkle under her. She wore an appreciative, yet otherwise curious, smile as she fished out whatever resided in the bag, lifting it from its bed of wrapping and into the light. 

A small white leather box, unassuming in presentation, to the point that she hadn't even spared a second thought before opening it, unveiling a pair of pearl earrings. Her mouth fell agape, a small gasp leaving past her lips. She stared for a moment more at the jewelry before looking back up at Soonyoung. 

"The zoo had an area where they bred oysters," he explained, his voice coming out softer than intended, yet even so still feeling out of place in the otherwise quiet atmosphere with only the sounds of children's cartoons offering a low humming white noise in the background. She turned back to the earrings, a finger tracing over the smooth surface of the item at hand. "I hope you still like pearls. I saw them and thought of you." 

"I love them." Her response came as quietly as his own, though her voice had a crack in it that had Soonyoung's brows raising in concern. Meeting his gaze again proved his suspicions correct, her eyes now glassy with a pout on her lip as she clutched the box closer to her chest. 

"Aww, baby, don't cry." Soonyoung let out a laugh, body moving instinctively as he opened his arms. It wasn't until she had already shuffled into his embrace, whining into his chest and quietly releasing her tears, that he realized what he'd done. Though feeling her against him, the warmth of her tears against his shirt, that soothing aroma of hers that always calmed his nerves, the weight of her head pressing into him, quelled the worries in his heart. Like mother, like daughter, the two girls holding such an authority over him to be able to sway his every thought and his every emotion. For the next few minutes, he reveled in whatever comfort he could acquire, arms squeezing (y/n) to him as she mumbled her thanks to the man. 

For once, Soonyoung felt a sense of completion, more sated holding (y/n) than he had been at his own graduation. His lips twitched into a smile, and he was sure (y/n) must have heard the beating of his heart kick up with every passing moment, though she didn't comment on it. Chaerim had begun singing the songs on her show, and the orange glow of the setting sun continued basking them in its warm honey-like ambience. 

For once in his both hectic and monotonous life, he felt a stability he feared he'd never experience, the key to his peace resting in the hands of (y/n) herself. As if he had strayed from his intended path, only to veer back to her. Like no matter how far you throw a rock into the air, it's bound to return to the earth below it. No matter how far he fled from home, no matter how distant he grew from her, he'd always find his way back to (y/n). Like it was meant to be. And as he cradled her to him, he knew it was because it truly was meant to be.

He didn't know for how long he'd stood there holding (y/n), rocking them back and forth calmly as they embraced one another, though it was the sound of the apartment door opening that brought them back to reality, regrettably separating as Jihyo waltzed in. She had a look of surprise on her face for a moment, but offered Soonyoung a kind smile in greeting. 

"I should head out," Soonyoung quietly spoke, turning back to (y/n) after waving to Jihyo. 

"I'll walk you out," she replied, already walking out of the kitchen and into the main hall.

Soonyoung made a brief detour to the living room, crouching in front of the couch where Chaerim resided. 

"I'm heading out now." Chaerim immediately threw herself at him, causing Soonyoung to briefly huff at the sudden action. 

"I want Soonie to stay." 

"I can't, sunshine. We'll hang out again tomorrow, yeah?"

"Zoo?"

"I was thinking we could go to the aquarium. We can see more water animals." She gasped, pulling herself away from him to nod enthusiastically. Soonyoung laughed, nodding along with her and promising to pick her up from daycare again. Though before he could stand up, she grabbed him again, dragging him closer to her. 

"Come to my birthday," she insisted, practically vibrating with excitement. "It's really soon. Mommy says the 17th. Come to my birthday." 

"Okay, sunshine, I'm there."

She finally let him go, smiling as he walked back to the hallway where Jihyo and (y/n) stood. Jihyo bid Soonyoung a brief goodbye before heading to the living room with Chaerim. 

"I can't thank you enough for taking care of Chaerim, and for my earrings." (y/n) fiddled with the box still in her hand, and Soonyoung couldn't help but to grin at her shyness. 

"Of course. Nothing but the best for you both." 

"And thank you for the pictures… I really liked them." 

"I'm glad to hear." He felt his cheeks warming under her attention, bashfully looking down at his feet. "I'll send more tomorrow. We're going to the aquarium." 

"Oh, she's going to love that."

There was a pause between them, a silence as they looked at each other one last time. Soonyoung couldn't help but to smile whilst admiring her, remembering how he'd zone out in class and miss the entire lesson because he was staring at the back of her head. Old habits die hard. 

A sudden holler from the living room drew their attention back to the present, snickering at Chaerim's hoots of laughter from beyond the apartment. Though it reminded Soonyoung of what had happened some few moments ago. 

"Chaerim invited me to her birthday." (y/n) smiled at this, nodding her head at his words. 

"Yeah, it's coming up in just a few days. It's just going to be a little get together with Jihyo, Seokmin, and I. Maybe some of the guys, but who knows. We'd love to have you over." 

"I'd love to attend. So this is me RSVPing for that." 

"I'll be sure to write your name on the list of attendees." They shared another laugh together.

Soonyoung couldn't believe how light it felt to be with her today. That agonizingly taxing weight which once lingered over him in her presence now all but dissipated. He couldn't tell what had happened, but God he'd be lying if he said he wasn't eternally grateful for such a turn of events.

The glee in this revelation remained with him as he drove home, and also as he ate all of the hangover soup, changing his mind about sharing with Seokmin, keeping (y/n)'s gift all to himself. 

"Bullshit!" Chan shouted, already whipping his hand out towards the messily strewn pile of cards at the center of the table. Flipping over the first two of the pile revealed an ace and a ten—not the two aces that Jeonghan had initially declared. 

The man groaned to himself as he dragged the entire pile over, causing Chan to victoriously raise his arms up in the air. Beside him, Mingyu patted his back while Seokmin hyped him up, the two sporting encouraging smiles for the youngest's achievement. With a new round starting, Soonyoung grabbed two from his hand and placed them at the now barren center. 

"Two aces," he announced, leaning back and refusing to meet anyone's perceptive stare. No matter how drunk they got, they somehow always remained vigilant when it came down to Bullshit. 

"One two," Wonwoo muttered afterwards, dropping a card into the newly accumulating pile. 

"Two threes," Jihoon leant forward to join with his addition, leaning back seconds after and absentmindedly reorganizing the cards in his hand currently, unaware of the six other men staring at him in disbelief. 

"Um… Bullshit?" Seokmin mumbled confusedly, causing Jihoon to finally peek over and see that the two supposed threes he'd dropped were instead face up, revealing instead a three and a nine. 

"No– Wait– Don't look at that." He dove forward to retrieve his cards, but he knew it was too late as the lot all erupted into laughter, shouting out Jihoon's slip up and pushing the slim pile over to him. "I hate this game. Why are we even playing this game? I don't want to play this game. Let's play Uno." 

"Like that's any less ruthless," Jeonghan grumbled, brandishing his hand which made up a good chunk of the 52 count deck of theirs. Jihoon took another swig of his beer, irate at the turn of events.

"Someone better win soon then, or I'm leaving the party early." 

"Don't worry," Chan stood to his feet, chair scraping back as he assumed a heroic pose. He raised his hand up, a single card resting between his two fingers. "I've got that covered." He gently placed the card at the center of the table, his voice just as soft as he announced. "One four."

Vernon glanced down at his cards, brow raising as he glanced from his hand to Chan. His mouth had momentarily opened, but before he could call the boy out on his fib, Jihoon all but tossed his cards ceremoniously onto the table, clapping and monotonously cheering for the winner of the game. 

"Hooray, good job. Seokmin, get your Uno." 

As the new game was starting, Seokmin dealing out everyone's seven cards, Soonyoung's phone buzzed against his lap. With one last tentative sip of his drink, not wanting to go through another terrible hangover so soon, he pulled out his phone under the table. Almost immediately, his expression brightened, putting down his drink and scooting out from the table. 

"Excuse me, I have to take this," he quickly stated, shuffling away from the rowdy bunch and into the hall. The noise was muted some here, just enough that he could probably talk peacefully on the phone, though if not, Seokmin's bedroom door was right there next to him. With one last sigh, he swiped on the incoming call, voice unexpectedly wavering as he answered. "Hello?"

"Soonie!" The familiar shrill voice of Chaerim momentarily surprised him, though his shock washed away rather quickly. 

"Hello, sunshine! How are you?" Soonyoung already found himself slipping into the aforementioned bedroom, knowing his voice would carry over to where the others resided. 

"I'm good!"

With the formalities over and out of the way, she began spewing out near nonsense supposedly telling Soonyoung about her day from what he could decipher. He hummed affirmatively and responded when need be, though for the most part just sat there with a dopey smile as the little girl continued on with her speech. From beyond her voice, Soonyoung could hear (y/n) in the background, giggling to herself as Chaerim talked, and it had Soonyoung biting his lip, his cheeks aching with the sheer breadth of his grin. 

"Soonie, you didn't pick me up today," she noted randomly. 

"I know, sweet pea, it's the weekend. Don't you want to spend time with your mommy?" 

"No, I'm okay." Soonyoung laughed as (y/n) whined at her daughter's quick dismissal of her, even more so when (y/n) began seemingly wrestling the child for the phone back. "No! I want Soonie! No!" 

"You're quickly losing Soonie privileges, Chae." (y/n) warned, voice authoritative, yet nevertheless carrying a jesting undertone.

"Soonie, she's so mean to me. Where are you? Why aren't you here?" 

"I'm at Uncle Seokmin's house."

"I want to go to Uncle Seokmin's house. I want to be with Soonie." His heart felt so incredibly full, his hand clenching over where the organ was beating. She was too precious for this world, he thought. If he hadn't already had a drink or two, he'd be driving over to the apartment to reunite with Chaerim right then and there. Though with some forced restraint, he tethered himself back to reality, pouting at his newfound maturity. 

"I can't, Soonie isn't feeling very well right now." 

"Oh no! Why are you sick?"

"I drank some… icky water… and now I'm too weak to drive over to you." 

"Soonie, don't die." Her voice was suddenly so terribly sad, and Soonyoung immediately regretted his words. 

"No, I'm just feeling a little sick! I'm not big sick!"

"The icky water made Soonie's tummy hurt. You know how tummy aches feel, right?" (y/n) began explaining, earning a sound of acknowledgement from the little girl who quickly returned to the phone. 

"Soonie, it's okay, I get tummy aches, too. It's okay, it's okay." 

"Thank you, sweetie. I'll be sure to feel better before your birthday." 

He could hear (y/n) whispering to Chaerim, her voice quiet as she told Chaerim to say goodnight to him. 

"Goodnight, Soonie! I can't wait to see you on my birthday! I miss you!"

"I miss you, too."

"I love you." 

If his heart had felt full before, it was practically overflowing now, that overabundance of warmth now seeping into his stomach, gripping him with its comfort and bringing a flush to his face. 

"I love you, too, sunshine." 

There was some commotion on the other line, the two quietly speaking to each other, though now Soonyoung couldn't really decipher it. He just sat there, permanent smile on his face, still reeling over Chaerim's farewell. It felt nice. To be loved by this little girl that he had already accepted he loved back with all of his heart. It felt gratifying, that of all people, Chaerim came to love him. 

"Hey," (y/n)'s voice sounded from the phone. 

"Hi." He found himself looking down at the floor, socked feet fiddling with the carpet beneath him, brushing it back and forth and toying with the opposing shades it created.

After a little over a week, it still felt so surreal to hear (y/n) again. To be near her. To be able to actually talk to her. As if his six year drought had come to an end with her monsoon-like return. As if she brought life back to his otherwise desolate form. He felt more alive these last few days than he has in the half decade he's been away. He was beginning to feel concerned for himself, because he honestly couldn't even remember the past six years he's been gone, all of it like a numbing fever dream where he'd survived on autopilot alone.

But now he was present. He felt himself again. He felt like a human being. As dependent as it may sound, (y/n) made him who he was, and he was nothing without her. 

"Sorry about that. She refused to go to sleep until she saw Soonie today." 

"I don't mind. It did feel weird today not seeing her." 

"You spoil her too much. She still refuses to let go of her manta ray stuffed animal since you got it for her at the aquarium." Soonyoung chuckled at this, remembering that day fondly. 

"That's surprising, considering she was terrified to even approach the stingray petting area." (y/n) laughed, remembering the picture Soonyoung sent her of him smiling at the camera while Chaerim was red faced and crying next to the said animal petting area. 

"Says the guy who had to be protected by that same little girl when you both went to the circus."

"Hey." Soonyoung's quick interjection had (y/n) bursting into another fit of giggles. "Those clowns were terrifying. She was a brave soul that day. I wouldn't have come out alive." 

"Of course, I understand."

"Well, we'll see who's talking when we take you to an amusement park for the rollercoasters." She gasped at his threat, her voice dropping into a pained whisper soon after. 

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would, you know I would." 

"I'm being abused by both my daughter and you, I can't handle this." 

His heart felt light, soaring about frivolously without a care in the world. This dark mass which once clung to it had slowly but surely faded away, taking with it the dense murkiness it once obscured Soonyoung's life with. Those butterflies in his stomach fluttered with it, joyous and abundant after their long hibernation, dormant until (y/n) had come back into the picture. 

Her voice spoke to him like a lullaby, soft and tranquil as she chatted faintly, words light and breathy and weaving together into incoherency, though he didn't really mind, reminded of the days they'd do just this until they passed out. 

"(y/n), you're tired," Soonyoung uttered, to which she hummed in consideration. 

"I am."

"You should go to sleep." There was an ache in his heart, sending her off so early, though he couldn't keep her to himself all night. She was busy, and sleep was practically a rare commodity to her. 

Silence settled over the two, with only the grainy feedback of the phone call to occupy them, yet Soonyoung still found it to be comforting merely knowing she was on the other line. He'd probably stay on the phone with her all night like this if he could, but he really should let her go. 

"I don't want to." Her response was low, a whisper into the phone, as if having uttered something she shouldn't have. His breath stuttered, body stiffening while his heart seized in on itself, thudding against his chest to the point that it almost ached. And with the undeniable warmth coursing through his veins at the moment, he couldn't help but grin to himself, clutching the phone tighter in his hand.

"I don't want you to either."

She hummed appreciatively at this, a content thrum against his ear, and for a moment, he was beside her. He was laying there, her hair fanning out against her pillow, eyes slid shut with the faintest trace of a smile gracing her lips. He could feel her breath against his skin, her presence like an otherworldly comfort. He could hear her breathing growing steadier by the minute as they basked in the silence. Telltale sign of her drifting off. And the thought seemed to come to him naturally, like an old record that still played the same tune as he began rambling. 

"The guys are playing Uno in the other room. We were playing BS, but Jihoon lost his patience a bit." He heard a slight chuckle on her side, though one that hadn't deterred her already tired state. "I'm pretty sure he's still losing his patience. Uno is much worse than BS. I'll text you the details tomorrow once I go out there again later." He leant back, laying flat on Seokmin's bed with his phone still pressed to his cheek. "I already got Chaerim her gift. I don't know if I should tell you. I think you'll get mad at me. But Chaerim will like it at least. I know she will."

He paused for a moment, thoughts still whirling in his head. He chuckled to himself thinking about his gift, the mental image of Chaerim using it already playing in his head.

Chaerim. 

"I really did miss my little sunshine today. I know we've hung out everyday, but it still feels lonely without her. On the bright side, I already know where I'm taking her next. I think she'd like the ice skating rink. The one we used to go to."

Memories came to him. Memories of that very rink. Of his friends and him all busting their ass more than once. Jun clinging to the plexiglass paneling on the rink's perimeter. Jihoon teetering with his legs and arms spread out as far as possible. Chan accidentally learning to skate backwards first. Soonyoung struggling to grasp the concept of ice skating, clinging to (y/n) like his life depended on it. Really, it did. And she'd just laugh and let him hold her, his arms wrapped around her body with his head resting on her shoulders, and she'd skate them around while Soonyoung just cradled her to him. 

He hasn't skated in years. Not since (y/n). He didn't even realize this until this very moment. 

"Maybe I should hold out on the skating rink for another day. I don't think I can actually skate. I never really learned." He pursed his lips, blinking back his sadness. "I never learned because once I did, it would mean I wouldn't need you anymore. I wouldn't be able to hold you like I did. It would've just taken away one of the ways I showed my love to you." The blinking was becoming redundant as he felt his eyes begin to burn with unshed tears. "But it was kinda pointless in the end since I was the one that took away our love. Since I was the one that gave up." 

He scoffed as he felt the first tear slip by, as if he even deserved to cry at this point. Though once the second and the third slipped by, that indignant irritation disappeared, leaving behind the raw sadness that had been plaguing him for years. He frowned, staring at the popcorn ceiling above him. It looked like (y/n)'s ceiling growing up.

He was reminded of those sleepless nights when she'd jostle him awake, either anxious with her thoughts or scared from a nightmare, and he'd lay awake with her. They'd rest their heads against one another as she talked to him, released her thoughts so they were no longer trapped in her head. And he'd comfort her with words or cuddles. He'd point at the textured ceiling staring down from above them, making constellations and telling her whatever convoluted story he'd make up on the spot. Until she had fallen asleep peacefully to the sound of his voice, a smile on her face as he kissed her goodnight before falling asleep himself. 

Staring up at that very ceiling, the replacement for their city's light polluted sky, only served to make him cry harder. He shook his head at the thought, at his words he'd only just uttered. 

"I gave up our relationship like a fucking idiot," he muttered, voice wrought with emotion, wavering with the tension in his throat. "But I never gave up our love. Never once in my life have I ever stopped loving you. And I never will. Even after you've moved on, I'll still be here, knowing that I lost my soulmate the night I walked away. The night I left you." He bit his lip at the memory, sniffling as softly as he could. From the sound of her breathing, he knew she was asleep, yet he kept going. "That was the most painful thing I've ever had to do. Leaving you was a mistake, but it was just… atrocious of me to leave you alone in my bed like that. I should've done better. I should've said goodbye to you personally like I had wanted to." A sob slipped past his lips for a moment, but he brought his fist up to his mouth, concealing the despair that seeped out of him with every word. "I shouldn't have even left you in the first place."

He moved to wipe his tears, smiling through the pain as he heard the deep steady breaths on the other line, anchoring him back to the present. 

"I love you," he admitted, a laugh following at the end of it. "I love you so much. More than I could ever even try to explain. I love you." His hand flew up to his hair, tugging at the strands as more tears flooded his eyes, that agonized smile stretching further across his face. "I love the way you haven't changed over the years. I love the way you still make me happy. I love how strong and intelligent you are. I love how you still show your love through different means. I love that you made me soup when I was hungover. I love that you wear those pearl earrings I got you everyday. I love how you still fall asleep to my voice. I love Chaerim. I love your little family." Another shaky breath, and the tension which had built up over the course of his confession unraveled, his body going limp, and that smile slackened until it was truly genuine. A genuine, gentle, ever so loving, absolutely enamored smile as he let it all go. As he accepted his flaws. His mistakes from the past. His frenzied emotions. His absolute, undeniable, to the moon sort of love he held for (y/n). "I love you." 

The last few minutes of the call were spent with Soonyoung silently crying, letting out the last shreds of despair wracking his body. Her breathing soothed his tormented heart, reminding him of the constant she was to him. That anchor in his life he so desperately needed, tethering him to her lest he stray wayward once more. He felt that tug once more. That urge to run directly to her. To watch her peaceful form beside him, memorizing every line and every detail of her face, tracing the outlines of her form carefully with his eyes, until he had it all ingrained in his mind where he'd then fall asleep, pressing a kiss to her forehead before drifting off. 

"Goodnight, my love," he muttered, which was all he could do at this point, smiling warmly as he took in the last remnants of her presence before he'd have to leave. "Sweet dreams." 

The game had all but stopped once Soonyoung had come back an hour later with tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes, face red and puffy, all the while attempting to act as nonchalant as possible, as if he hadn't just walked out of the most devastating experience he'd ever encountered. 

"You good?" Chan was the first to break the silence, eyebrow raised in concern at the state of his elder. Soonyoung nodded. 

"Yeah, why?" His voice cracked, as if the cherry on top to this entire fiasco. 

"Who was that on the phone?" Wonwoo was the next to speak, fiddling with the cards in his hands. 

"Oh, it was just (y/n) and Chaerim."

The boys uttered a collective 'ah' in understanding, returning to their game as if nothing had happened. That is except Jihoon, taking another gulp of beer with a sigh followed after. 

"You know what, this is good," Jihoon announced aloud. Jeonghan absentmindedly hummed at him to continue, all the while dropping his card on the pile at the table's center. "Let it all out, talk to each other. So much unresolved tension that's finally getting closure." He pointed to Soonyoung, eyebrows furrowed seriously. "It's about time you two made up."

"He's right," Vernon spoke up, putting his cards face down before him. "You guys… personally founded romance or something. You're our modern day Romeo and Juliet." He placed his hands on his chest, looking around the table for support as he continued. "I was honestly devastated when they broke up. Cause like if they can't work out, what hope do we have?" Chan nodded at this, pursing his lips in understanding. Wonwoo similarly mimicked this, lips downturned as he confirmed Vernon's words. "You need her. She needs you. You both need each other. It just doesn't make sense to have one without the other. You know what I'm saying?" 

"You two were made for each other!" Jihoon cried out passionately, slapping down a draw four and causing Jeonghan's jaw to slacken at his audacity. 

Soonyoung was flustered at all the attention on him, and was ever so grateful when the game returned to its original state before he had intervened. Beside him, Seokmin patted his back, as if knowing Soonyoung was riddled with conflicting thoughts and emotions. Though really it was pretty one dimensional where his stance had settled. 

He loved (y/n). He loved Chaerim. He loved them both. God, he wanted them both. But he's been far too greedy in his life. And at this point, he's willing to take whatever (y/n) was willing to offer him.

Soonyoung knocked on the door excitedly, biting back his smile as he heard Chaerim's familiar holler from within the apartment. A few moments later, the door opened, revealing a smiling Jihyo donning a pink party hat. 

"Hey Soonyoung! Come on–" She stopped talking once she looked down and saw the gigantic box at his feet. It had barely even fit through the door and required both of them cooperating with one another to manage it through. "What the hell did you buy this little girl?" 

"Soonie!" Said little girl came barreling out of a room down the hall, hurdling herself into his arms at full velocity.

"Chaerim!" He yelled back, squeezing her in his arms and twirling her in the air. She erupted into giggles, face squished into his neck as her limbs clung to him desperately. "How's my favorite birthday girl?"

Before she could respond, a delighted gasp brought their attention to her, her eyes now entirely trained on the enormous box behind Jihyo.

"Is that mine?" She asked excitedly, squirming out of Soonyoung's grasp to rush over to the box. It was practically as big as her, and it had Soonyoung giggling to himself as well. Jihyo shook her head, staring at him in disbelief before turning back to Chaerim. 

"Yes, sweetie, Soonie got it for you. You can open it after we blow out your candles." She immediately came bounding back to Soonie, crouched to her height as she hugged the living daylights out of him. 

"Thank you, Soonie." He grinned, hugging her back happily. 

"Of course, sunshine." A few moments passed before (y/n) came strolling out of her room, just as lovely as she always was. Her eyes landed on Soonyoung, and he felt his heart skip multiple beats upon the sudden smile she had on her face. 

"Soonyoung, you came!" He stood up, Chaerim still held by his right arm as he accepted (y/n)'s hug with his left. He felt so full, heart overflowing with adoration and stomach twisting into happy little knots as he surrounded himself with his two favorite girls. Jihyo stood on the sidelines, a contented pout on her face as she watched the scene before her. 

Still wrapped in Soonyoung's hold, (y/n) glanced over to Jihyo. 

"Any news on Seokmin?" 

"Stuck at work," Jihyo regretfully informed, glancing down at her phone as if checking to see if Seokmin had miraculously escaped the clutches of his day job. "But he did invite some of the other guys, so they should be showing up throughout the day."

"Oh, that'll be chaotic," (y/n) snickered, laying her head on Soonyoung's chest in thought. He had no quarrels with this, in a permanent blissed out state as he rocked them all back and forth, lost in his own world. "Should we just have her blow out her candles now so she can play with her toys throughout the day?" (y/n) continued talking as Chaerim had yelled out her agreeance excitedly. "That way she'll have time to play with some toys, and then when one of the boys comes, she can play with the next toy?"

"That sounds like a plan." Jihyo nodded, already in motion as she began setting up the cake.

Soonyoung handled the birthday girl as (y/n) and Chaerim scurried about, delicately placing some candles on the cake, to which Chaerim indignantly commanded there to be more. Once there were about 20 candles scattered across her princess themed cake, Soonyoung placed her down on a barstool placed at the middle island, making his way across the counter to where (y/n) stood. Jihyo sat beside the little girl, slowly lighting up the candles for the ceremony until (y/n) took a sharp intake of breath, turning to face Soonyoung with a shocked expression on her face.

Before he could reciprocate her panic, however, she had already begun fleeing from the kitchen. 

"I forgot the camera!" Her voice faded in the distance as she grew further away, leaving the three of them in the kitchen. Soonyoung averted his gaze from where (y/n) ran off to Chaerim, precariously eyeing her cake with a mischievous glint in her eyes. It brought a smile to his face, watching the few lit candles flicker in the reflection of her dark eyes. 

"You should blow out the candles before wax gets on the cake," Soonyoung suggested, catching Chaerim's eye as she began smiling with him. Before Jihyo could put out the few candles, Chaerim beat her to it, puffing out her cheeks and blowing out the tiny flames in one big breath. Victoriously, she threw her hands up in the air. 

"Yay! I'm turning five!" She hollered aloud, bringing a chuckle out of Jihyo beside her. 

"No, sweetie, you are five. You only say turning when you're going to be that age very soon. Yesterday, you were turning five. Today, you are five. Understand?" 

"No." 

"Okay, well–" Jihyo was cut off by the sudden presence of Soonyoung's hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention over to the suddenly very shaken man. His eyes were shaky, attempting to focus on Jihyo, but struggling to maintain what little restraint he had left in him. 

"She's five?" He asked, voice coming out in a wavering manner through his unsteady breathing. Jihyo looked at him confused for a moment, incredulous at his inquiry, though as quickly as she mentally questioned him, realization had hit her. Realization that Soonyoung had put the puzzle together. 

"Soonyoung–" She started, her tone of voice full of remorse, though she couldn't get much else out as he all but bolted out of the kitchen and down the hall, barging into (y/n)'s room unceremoniously. His head whipped about momentarily until his eyes landed on her emerging from her closet, digital camera in hand. 

"Oh, I found the camera, it's alright–" (y/n) yelped as Soonyoung's hands clamped down on her shoulders, the force of his hold startling her for a second, though not harming her in any manner. As if his only intention was to keep her where she stood. 

"(y/n)," he began, faltering in his speech. She grew concerned for him, hands instinctively reaching up to hold onto his bicep, squeezing him back reassuringly. The motion, at any other moment in time would've called him down. Though right now, it did nothing but remind him of who stood before him. "(y/n), I've asked Jihyo. I've asked Seokmin. I haven't asked you. So I'm only going to ask this once." At this point, (y/n) was slowly understanding the situation at hand, and she could do nothing but quiver at the raw emotion in his eyes. The blaze of unbridled despondency seeping into his dark, lonely gaze. His lips quivered as he took in another breath, nerves shaking with him and almost sending his body into a similar state. "Is Chaerim my daughter?" 

Her mouth had fallen open, and then it closed, and opened again, though no sound came out. Her eyes darted about the room, from the door leading to the hallway, to her bedside table, to the closet behind her. Anywhere but Soonyoung, who couldn't tear his gaze away from her for even a moment, trained on her every minute action, relying on his years of being fluent in (y/n) to lead him to his answer. 

She was scared, that much was obvious. She was attempting to school her expression, a twitch on her lip trying to incite a casual smile to brush him off. A light, humorous scoff being the first sound to leave her lips, and she finally focused her eyes on his mouth. 

"What are you talking about?" She asked, a joking air to her words, a tone that could have potentially fooled others, but Soonyoung could detect the lack of sincerity in her actions. Her fingers twitched where they rested on his arm, squeezing him to calm herself as she continued. "Jihyo and Seokmin have both told you no."

"They have," Soonyoung agreed, dragging (y/n) closer, so close that he was sure she could hear the way his heart beat so violently against his chest, just as terrified of the results of this interrogation as she was. "But you haven't."

That faux curl of her lips had crumbled, bottom lip trembling as her eyes began to well with tears, her body similarly quaking under his touch. Her breathing had picked up, chest rising and falling to an almost concerning rate that Soonyoung had to reposition them, one hand falling down to her back and the other brushing away the strands of hair in her face. She whimpered at the sudden proximity, attempting to curl in on herself and away from Soonyoung's prying eyes. 

"(y/n)," he quietly called out to her, voice now hushed, lowly soothing her as best he could. Her hands had retracted to her chest, fiddling with the material of his shirt as he drew her closer to him, shushing her when silent tears had begun slipping out. At this point, he had his answer. He just needed (y/n) to come to terms with it as well. So he patiently held her, face buried in her hair as he swayed them side to side, rocking her until he felt her breathing even out. 

When he retracted his head to look down at her, he saw her terror filled eyes, widened and focused on the whitewashed wall of her bedroom. Gently, his finger trailed down to her chin, bringing her face to him as he pressed his forehead against hers, noses brushing past one another. When she met his resolute gaze, his eyes like the calm of a dark sea, her panic slowly but surely subsided, his staunch resolve seeping into her own eyes. 

Finally, in the steadiest manner he could muster, Soonyoung breathed out the question once more. 

"Is she my daughter?" A silence settled between the two, (y/n) slowly becoming lost as he stared into her soul, as if he were weaving his way back into her life, tangling the strings she had worked tirelessly to rid herself of, yet she couldn't find it in her to feel repulsed by his invasion at all. Instead, relief momentarily flooded her being. That peaceful understanding and comfort she had always felt in his arms reminding her of who he was. Her defenses had crumbled, and her mouth had fallen agape once more, voice coming out as nothing more than a whisper as she answered him. 

"Yes." 

His first reaction was to laugh. This disbelieving chuckle as he slowly pulled away from her, eyes immediately watering once more. His hands flew to his hair, yanking at the strands as a smile overtook his features. He was ecstatic. He had a daughter. A beautiful, lovely daughter outside waiting for his return. He had a daughter with the girl he promised himself he would one day start a family with. 

(y/n) had slapped a hand over her mouth as Soonyoung separated from her, a loud sob threatening to leave her. At some point, she lost the strength in her legs and collapsed on the edge of her bed, crying into her hand as Soonyoung considered the newfound information. 

He was beyond happy to have Chaerim, though he sat there processing the weight of such a discovery. He had fallen to the ground soon after, on his knees as tears streamed down his face. 

"I have a daughter," he spoke aloud, hands gripping at the carpeting beneath him. "I have a daughter." He crawled over to (y/n), hands shooting up to her face as his thumbs brushed over the tears in her eyes. "(y/n), we have a daughter!" His hands went everywhere, brushing back her hair, smoothing out her shirt, running over the goosebumps on her arms. "We have a daughter…" His head rested on her thighs in between where her hands rested on her lap. "Why am I only just finding out on her fifth birthday? Why have you all been lying to me?"

He sat up again, staring at (y/n), awaiting any sort of response, but she sat there sniffling, quietly sobbing to herself. He didn't know for how long he stared at her before she finally spoke, voice broken and defeated. 

"You left me…" She couldn't meet his gaze, staring down at where he had scooped her hands into his own. The sight brought another wave of sadness through her, having to bite back the fresh tears wanting to be shed. "You left me. I begged you to give me a chance. Give us a chance. And you left me." His thumbs brushed over her wrists, encouraging her to keep talking. "Not only that, but you stopped talking to all of us. I know you felt bad about leaving in the first place. I know you thought it'd be better to just disappear from our lives than make us deal with long distance and time difference, but it was still painful, Soonyoung." He shut his eyes, laying his head back into her lap where she began absentmindedly fiddling with the messy strands of his hair. "And then I found out I was pregnant and… I was terrified. I just…" She stopped, clearing her throat from the dejection riddling her voice. "You chose to follow your dreams. That didn't include Chaerim and I. I didn't want to drag you back into this life you didn't want." 

"Baby, no," he whined, sitting back on his heels and tugging (y/n) down from her bed and onto the floor with him, cradling her weakened body in his arms. "You both are my dream. You're my fantasy. You're the only thing I've ever wanted in life." He pressed his lips wherever he could reach, mumbling between each and every kiss. "I never meant to make you think otherwise. I just wanted you to be happy."

"You make me happy, idiot," she countered, the loudest thing she's said in the past few minutes, startling Soonyoung for a moment. "And I didn't want to tell you this month because… you have that job offer, and Chaerim and I will only be a burden to you."

"(y/n), I couldn't care less about that damn job offer." She pulled away from his shoulder, meeting his unexpectedly passionate gaze, brows furrowed and ever so determined. He squeezed her tighter in his arms. "I have a family right here. Do you understand how…thrilled I am?" Another tear slipped from his eye, though this one was paired with a genuinely warm and blithe grin, a sight that brought a smile of her own to (y/n)'s face, giggling as he pressed his forehead against hers again. "I was already happy to have reunited with you, and to have met Chaerim, but now…" He chuckled, biting his lip a second after to mute the bubbly feeling in his chest. "Now she's my daughter. She's mine." 

His eyes were so incredibly mirthful, shining with unshed tears and unadulterated glee. She couldn't help but to smile at his happiness, pressing her hands against his cheeks and rubbing her nose against his own. The way he hugged her, fingers gripping her as if an extra measure to keep her close to him, reminded them of their youth. Their youth and the love they once held for each other. Their love that hadn't faded. Their love that persisted through time, distance, and every hurdle life has thrown their way. 

"But your degree–" She started, but Soonyoung cut her off immediately. 

"To hell with my degree, (y/n)! Holy shit, I'm a father!" He buried himself into her hair, drawing her even closer to his chest, holding her so closely to where her ear pressed against his torso, right over where his heart beat so rapidly within him. Though hesitant, she wrapped her arms around his body, hugging him back. Giggles and tears and happy sighs left them both, wandering hands squeezing any part of their person they could grab, wanting so much of the other that it almost didn't make sense. "I'm staying."

"What?"

"I'm staying." She pulled away to meet his gaze, so sure and earnest as he nodded at her confused eyes. "I can't leave you again. I physically can't. Even if you don't accept me as your lover anymore, I can't bear to be so far away from you again." Her heart fluttered at his confession, going speechless once more, allowing him to continue on. "Plus, I have Chaerim now. I need to be here for her. I have to make up for lost time." 

"Y-you're staying?" It was the only thing her overwhelmed brain could come up with, not even able to process the heart fluttering and adoring gaze Soonyoung looked at her with.

"I'm staying. I couldn't care less about a job offer or my degree or anything else. None of it matters. I just need you and Chaerim. And I can't believe it took me 6 years to realize this."

Immediately, another sob broke out, and even more tears spilled from her eyes. Tears that Soonyoung swiped away as quickly as they appeared, giggling at her with such loving eyes. Though as she quieted down and he had a moment to his thoughts, he swallowed down the lump in his throat and shut his eyes. 

"I love you, (y/n). So much. So, so fucking much... I'm so sorry for what I've made you go through. I should've been here this entire time. I shouldn't have given up on us. I'm so sorry." He could've said more, but she shook her head at him, cradling his face again, encouraging him to open his eyes and meet hers. 

"I forgive you, Soonyoung." He blinked at her words, eyes darting between her own as if looking for any falsitude in her statement. 

"You do?" He asked. She nodded at him. 

"Just please don't leave me again." 

"I'd never dream of it." 

Her eyes shone with such fondness, grin tugging at the corners of her lips as she stroked back Soonyoung's hair, properly admiring his grown features for the first time since he came back. Something she hadn't granted herself the privilege of doing so before, for fear of falling in love and being abandoned again. Though now she was sure, with that devoted glimmer in his eye and that dumb in love smile stretched on his face, that he truly was staying this time around. 

That's what motivated her to lean forward and press a chaste, yet affectionate kiss to his lips, separating before he could respond to it.

"I love you, too, Soonyoung." A short bout of silence fell between the two, Soonyoung staring at her blankly as she giggled and continued to play with his hair. Though soon enough, he came to his senses, hand cupping her cheek and drawing her into him again for another kiss. A better kiss. One that he poured his entire heart and soul into. One that he hoped conveyed what his words couldn't. How regretful he is. How relieved he is. How absolutely in love he is.

His hand stroked over her face, fingers slipping into her hair as he brought her even closer to him, arm tightening around her waist and pressing her against him. The only thing that stopped their kiss was their smiling, laughs that bubbled out of them both. She continued littering kisses onto him, even more giggles slipping from his mouth. Delighted laughs that filled the room and her heart. He had felt so at ease and so loved that he almost hadn't acknowledged the faint knock at the doorway, the ajar door slowly rolling wider to reveal Chaerim peeking in. 

"Mommy, Aunt Jihyo is asking if you guys are okay." It was the first time Soonyoung was seeing Chaerim since the revelation, but he couldn't have felt happier seeing the girl than right now. Looking at her before him right at this moment felt so obvious. He couldn't believe he even doubted himself. He couldn't believe he went along with Jihyo and Seokmin's words. He couldn't believe he didn't immediately know for a fact that she was his own flesh and blood. 

"Yes, baby, we're okay," (y/n) responded, laying her head against Soonyoung happily. 

Chaerim stood there for a moment more, twiddling with the stray lace of her princess gown as she looked between the two. 

"Does he know the secret?" His heart twisted at her words, looking over to (y/n) with an unreadable expression. A short breath of air expelled from her nose as she nodded. 

"Yes." 

At her mother's words, Chaerim came walking over to him. For the first time since he ever even met her, this was the first sign of hesitance she'd ever displayed—the momentary stingray panic aside. Once she stood in front of him, she extended her hand out, just as she had done when they first met. 

"Hi daddy, my name is Chaerim. I'm 5 years old. My favorite color is yellow. I love you." He felt his heart shatter and rebuild from her words alone, perhaps more than once, because how else could he have reacted to such a sweet and rehearsed statement, as if she had prepared her whole life for this very moment. His lip quivered, something (y/n) didn't miss as she slipped away from his lap, hand softly rubbing his back encouragingly. He cleared his throat and wrapped his hand around her offered one, smiling whilst attempting to mask the sheen of tears coating his eyes. 

"Hi sunshine, it's nice to meet you. I'm your dad." After the quaint handshake, she slowly opened her arms out to him. And the minute he brought her into his arms was the moment every last ounce of his tears spilled, whatever was left from his moment with (y/n) now being used as he hugged his daughter knowingly for the first time. (y/n) sat on the sidelines, though only for a minute before Soonyoung was dragging her into the hug with them, the two girls patting his back soothingly as he wept aloud.

Though he wasn't alone, Jihyo crying as well as she texted Seokmin the details, watching the scene from the safety of the doorway. 

Seungcheol was the first of the boys to arrive, just in time to come across the disaster which had transpired before his arrival.

Chaerim had opened her largest gift, the one given to her by her dad. And to (y/n)'s dismay, it was a large and elaborate tunnel system. Although it was soft and foldable, it was still something she couldn't believe Soonyoung would even consider buying considering the state of their apartment. But Chaerim was happy, crawling through the tubed labyrinth, giggles reverberating off the walls. 

Though the mayhem Seungcheol walked in on was mere moments after Soonyoung wanted to try out his gift as well, and now found himself stuck in one of the tubes. Jihyo and (y/n) attempted to yank him out from the outside, while Chaerim continued her incessant giggling, giving up on pushing Soonyoung from within and was now peppering tiny kisses all over his face. 

Luckily, Seungcheol was the one to free the man out of the tunnel, much to the child's dismay, until he handed her his gift: an easel set with a large notepad for a canvas.

She doodled away as the three of them explained the events that had occurred that day, Seungcheol at first shocked at it all, though nodding in understanding soon after. 

"It makes much more sense than Jihoon's assumption that you went out and found a Soonyoung doppelganger, because that girl is a carbon copy of Soonyoung, I swear." 

Jeonghan wasn't surprised in the slightest once he had arrived, only shocked that it took Soonyoung this long to realize that the lactose intolerant little girl with sharp eyes and round cheeks wasn't his child. 

Joshua, Junhui, and Wonwoo only congratulated the two, Jihoon still defending his doppelganger story, saying it could have been true.

Minghao and Mingyu also similarly did not show much reaction to it, somehow far more preoccupied with the little girl playing with them.

Vernon, Seungkwan, and Chan were perhaps the most interested in the circumstances, questioning how she had kept it a secret from them for so long, how they hadn't figured it out on their own, what she was going to do with Soonyoung now. 

"I guess I'll give him a second chance," she responded, hugging his arm and laying her head on his shoulder. Their hands intertwined, and Soonyoung smiled at the familiar warmth that emanated from her touch, seeping into his skin and sending waves of content satisfaction through him. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach and a blush settled over his cheeks, reminding him that that schoolboy crush he had on (y/n) never left, nor would it ever. 

Seokmin had arrived later on, immediately coming over to congratulate the two, as well as quietly apologize to Soonyoung for hiding his daughter from him. 

"You have to understand, man, I meant no harm. We didn't know your intentions. We needed to protect them, you know?" He muttered quietly, looking around the room as if he were dealing with classified information. "I didn't even know until Jihyo was legit scolding me for bringing you over. You gotta believe me, dude."

"I understand, man, I understand," Soonyoung replied, wrapping an arm around Seokmin and mimicking his overly suspicious mannerisms. Though with the secret out and about, he had to admit that he felt significantly closer to his former best friend, glad to know that his daughter has such an amazing godfather. 

The party soon ended and the boys all flooded out of the apartment. Jihyo was the last to leave after helping (y/n) put Chaerim to sleep. 

"Goodnight, you two!" She waved at the two lovers as she shut the door behind her. Soonyoung had also planned to leave, not wanting to overstay his welcome, but (y/n) continued to hold him in a tight hug, refusing to let go. 

"Stay," she insisted. Soonyoung would have laughed at her clinginess, though he heard the hint of fear in her voice, and he immediately understood the clinginess. 

"Okay, baby, I'll stay." Guilt riddled his body the entire way to bed. He had to keep reassuring her he wasn't going anywhere, keeping a hand on her at all times.

He washed her hair for her, letting her hug him while the warm water of the shower fell down their bodies. He helped her get changed, whispering sweet nothings to her the entire process. He held her hand as they got into bed, and once settled, she had immediately clung to him again, limbs tangling together as she buried her face into his shirt. And Soonyoung could only softly shush her, assure her that he's not going anywhere.

His hands combed through her hair, littering kisses on her forehead, muttering his love for her through soft whispers. Seeing the state she was in had a pit of lament settling at the base of his stomach, grimacing at his past misdeeds, remembering the cruel way he left her with nothing more than a final forlorn kiss. 

"I'm sorry," he spoke, hands momentarily stilling in her locks. "I'm so sorry, (y/n). I could apologize every second of every day for the rest of our lives, but it would never amount to how apologetic I truly feel. How much I regret leaving you." He pressed another reassuring kiss on her skin, a shaky intake of air once he separated from her. "I regret it so much. I regret ever doubting our love and I'll never forgive myself for that." He felt her hand splay out on his chest, right over his heart. "(y/n), you're the only thing I live for. You're the only thing in my life that matters." He paused, quickly reconsidering his words before stuttering out his correction. "You and Chaerim, I mean, but…"

He stopped talking as she laughed softly at his words, pulling away from him so she could actually study his face. He was speechless for a second, reminded of a few days ago during their phone call. How he had wished for this exact moment to come to fruition. To hold her in his arms once more, feel her falling asleep in his hold, watch that peaceful state of hers he could only see at night. When she'd enter deep sleep, the tension of the day washing away, her strong persona, her brave facade, all of those pretenses she put up for the world disappearing. And he was the only person she trusted in such a vulnerable state—and he left her. 

"I'm just… I left you. I was so lost and I thought I could find myself. I thought you didn't deserve someone as lost as I was. It just seemed easier to give you up so you wouldn't have to waste your life with a loser like me… I'm sorry." 

Her eyes twinkled under the moonlight, watching Soonyoung as he fumbled over incessant apologies.

When he had gone silent, she shuffled closer to him, leaning forward to press a kiss to his nose. She smiled when it scrunched, and then she pressed a kiss to his cheek. His jaw. His chin. The corner of his mouth. And then finally a kiss to his lips. A sweet, affectionate kiss. Short and simple, but still enough to leave Soonyoung flustered and motionless. 

"Soonyoung, love, I forgive you."

"I know you say that, but… I just feel like it's not enough. It doesn't make up for what I've done to you. I don't–" Another kiss, though this time, one that Soonyoung reciprocates just as fondly as her. 

"You've already apologized to me countless times." At the sight of his confused face, she grinned. "The first day, when Seokmin brought you to me." Soonyoung nodded at this, though he felt he was too emotional to properly convey his feelings. Plus, he mostly made her cry, so it didn't feel like a valid apology to him. "The night you boys went out drinking." 

"What?" Soonyoung furrowed his brows at this, making (y/n) smile. She brushed back his hair comfortingly, nodding her head in confirmation. 

"2 AM, you called me. Drunk out of your mind, crying and babbling to the point that I could barely understand you." Soonyoung winced at this, quietly groaning to himself as he remembered the night at the bar and how fragmented his memory was. "I laid there listening to you pour out your heart to me." He peeked over from where he wallowed in his own self pity, seeing the tenderness in her expression as she admired him wholeheartedly. "You told me about how much you regretted leaving me. How much it hurt you to leave me behind. The pain you endured throughout those 6 years away. You apologized so much that I had to beg you to calm down." At this, he hid himself again, this time burying his face into his pillow with a loud groan. "And then you said you love me." He felt her fingers tracing images on his arm; circles and stars and hearts. "You said you never stopped loving me. That I was the love of your life, and you'd forever mourn losing me. You probably said I love you just as many times as you apologized, until I myself was crying.

"And then you said… that even if Chaerim wasn't yours, you'd love her as if she were." He peeked out from his pillow to where a bittersweet smile greeted him. "That you love her like you love me. And you wished you had a family like ours. You said we were your happiness. Your dream life that you had always wanted." He pouts at this, realizing his drunk self was probably more articulate than he could ever be when sober. She lifted the arm she had drawn invisible patterns into, nestling herself against him before resting his limb over her.

"And the third time was as I was falling asleep." She had rested her head on his heart again, humming at the soothing rhythm it emanated. "I thought I was dreaming. Hearing the love of my life say such sweet words to me. Such a blissful moment." She sighed dreamily, squeezing his waist in a small hug. "I only realized it was real when I heard my phone beep, indicating you hung up." 

"I'm so sorry, my love, I didn't mean to wake you," he fussed, but she only shushed him. 

"No more apologies." Another kiss to his lips had him going silent, nodding along to her words. With another laugh his way, she curled up against him once more, cozying up in the warmth of her soulmate for the first time in six years. "So yes, I forgive you. I really do." 

"Thank you, (y/n)." She pressed one last kiss on his chest, one right above his heart. Like magic, he felt the wounds which have tormented him for years to come slowly but surely heal, tending to itself as she nurtured his love once more. A sigh of relief puffed out of his lips, one tear slipping from his eye as he savored the exhilarating serenity of the moment. Of being with his beloved again. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

(a/n): welcome to the end of this. if you made it, congratulations! thank you for reading my stuff! i appreciate it greatly! i didn't expect for this to be as big as it wound up being. as of right now, it is the longest fic i have published. im happy with how it came out though. hopefully i have more stories planned for the future! thanks for reading!

#kvanity #k-labels #soonyoung x reader #kwon soonyoung x reader #hoshi x reader #soonyoung fanfiction #kwon soonyoung fanfic #hoshi fanfiction #seventeen x reader #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen fanfic #svt fanfiction #svt x reader #svt fanfic #kpop fanfiction #kpop fanfic #kpop x reader #soonyoung fanfic #soonyoung angst #soonyoung fluff #hoshi angst #hoshi fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen fluff #kwon soonyoung angst #kwon soonyoung fluff

[viburnt]

Midoriya I.|| Childhood promises

Type: Headcanons+Snippet

Genre: Fluff

Characters involved: Midoriya Izuku (main)/Uraraka Ochaco (secondary on the reading bite)

Prompt: As kids, Izuku gifted you a plastic ring and told you he'd marry you in the future. Now it's a recurrent joke to call each other fiancé.

• It happened when Izuku was 7; the street fair was nearby and his mom had given him some money to spend with you on treats and games. He was so excited, his hand timidly holding yours as the hanging lights guided your way

• One of the stands had caught his attention: it was a lucky duck pond, one of those games where you need to catch two different rubber duckies with the same number to win. 3 chances, no skills involved.

• “Do you think if we get our lucky charms together, we could win a prize?” The lucky charms in question were an All Might collectible card and a snail shell you found at the park.

• The freckled boy was enthusiastic about it, confidently paying the old man running the game a couple of silver coins to play. His hands gently lowered the small fishnet provided to play. First number: 3.

• Izuku could hear you rooting for him by his side. All he had to do was get another one like that. Sticking his tongue out, praying to his All Might card, he sank the net once more. Second number: 9.

• He felt like crying.

• You patted his hand in a comforting way, threatening the nearby kids who mocked him. “Hey, let me try!”

• The result was the same, sadly. However, the old man was touched by you two that he gave out a consolation prize to lift your spirits. It was a plastic jewelry set: a silver crown, a magic wand and a couple of rings.

• The path back home didn't feel so bad after that.

• “At least the rings are pretty, do you think we could wear them at school?” You said, making Midoriya think. “But aren't matching rings for marriage? My mom says so.”

• After a brief silence, Izuku's green eyes lit up, feeling a slight wave of nervousness as the words rolled out of his mouth. “Then I'll marry you! W-we can wear them until we grow up and then get m-married!”

• Your face felt warm as you heard him speak, feeling his hand eagerly placing the silver ring on your left hand.

• Ever since, neither of you take the plastic piece off, even if it's old and the colors washed out. Not to mention that the whenever you see each other, the word “Fiancé/Fiancée” rolls out of your mouths.

—Hi! If you have a moment, I'm looking for a person. Do you think you can help me?

Ochako heard with attention as you spoke, tilting his head at the style you sported. Compared to the gray uniform and green tie U.A students wore, your clothes were more of an Eastern streetwear.

—Uh, sure thing! Who are you looking for?— The brunette said with a sympathetic smile. —Are they from 1st year or 2nd?

—Izuku Midoriya, 1st year!— The name popped out of your mouth, catching Uraraka's interest.

—Really? He is from my class! I'll take you there.— She offered, making you feel relieved. —Are you from his family or something? I don't think he mentioned any siblings or cousins.

You snorted a little, deciding to play a little with the round-faced girl.

—He is my fiancé! I came to visit him.

The way Ochako's jaw dropped almost had you rolling on the floor laughing, but for the sake of your little joke, you kept a straight face.

—Fiancé?— Her voice stuttered. You nodded, showing off the little plastic ring you always carried. —Since when? How did that happen?

You tapped on your chin as if thinking.

—Since kids, we promised each other. We'll be hitting it off as soon as he graduates.

Uraraka couldn't hide her shock.

—Oh, there you are! I see you've met one of my classmates already.— Izuku's voice popped in, joining the conversation as he walked towards you. —Did you have trouble finding the classroom building?

Ochako's finger pointed at him and then to you. It didn't take much for Midoriya to connect the dots.

—You just had to tell her, didn't you?— He muttered, eyeing you with an embarrassed face. — Uraraka, let me explain…

—Wanna come to the wedding?

Like my content? Comment and follow! The feedback encourages me.

#My Hero academia #Izuku Midoriya #Izuku Midoriya x Reader #Deku x Reader #Headcanons

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

I am currently watching four different Japanese qls every week (is this real life?? I’m not used to this kind of bountiful access to Japanese media) and I don’t want them to get lost in the shuffle amongst the bigger Discourse shows, so I’m going to start posting this little round up at the end of each week. These are all on Gaga and I highly recommend watching!

Chaser Game W

Finally a high quality gl, we have been waiting so long. And this one is making some really interesting choices, namely in making one of its leads deeply unlikeable. It's clear that Harumoto broke her heart in a deeply foolish way (I smell noble idiocy), but Fuyu's revenge for her hurt feelings is way over the line of what anyone could consider fair. Not only did she pursue this job just to personally harass her ex, she is a terrible boss who is abusing her employees to work out her personal grudges, and she's awful to her husband, as well. This show is smart enough that I trust they have a point with this (likely one that will involve commentary on misogyny and traditional gender roles) so I am hanging in to see what it is.

Sahara Sensei to Toki-kun

This one is the latest in the Drama Shower line up, and it is really not working for me on the whole, but Toki is a great character and I wish I could port him to another show. This week's episode spent a baffling amount of time filling in a backstory for Sahara that we already understood, and didn't even connect it thematically to the ongoing plot in any meaningful way. In fact, given the backstory we saw, it made even less sense that Sahara would be encouraged to pursue a relationship with Toki. This show just feels very confused about both the social conventions of its universe and what it's ultimately trying to say. Looking forward to it wrapping next week and seeing what Drama Shower has on tap next.

Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka

I LOVE THIS SHOW. Sakae is such a kind soul, and Soga is a dear. I love that this show is exploring the reality of what it looks like for an "opposites attract" pair to actually try to find common ground. Sakae falling for Soga at first sight, only to realize they have nothing in common and he will have to work hard to build a bond with him, is such a delight. And I like that it feels reciprocal and Soga is also making a sincere effort. And this show is doing nice things with the side characters, too. Tatsuta is a great Get A Grip Friend for Sakae, and Kazuyo is such a sweetheart that I really hope she'll stick around rooting for this pair once she inevitably gets let down gently. Also loved getting a glimpse of the exes this week and hope to see more filled in there.

Ossan's Love Returns

I am saving this one for last on Fridays going forward, because it's such a great note to end my week on. I already posted last week about why I'm so in love with it, and this week continued the love fest. This show is SO FUCKING FUNNY while also having some really awesome messages about relationships and love at any age. I love the way Maki and Haruta are given the same cute couple moments we'd see for younger bl pairs, and the casual affection between them really stands out among more reserved depictions of Japanese couples. Highlights this week also included father-in-law bonding, Takegawa trying out a Bachelor-esque reality show in his quest for a diaper partner, Chief continuing to be an absolute delight in every scene, and several new twists in the mystery of the neighbors (loved that Haruta was having all the same reactions to that backstory that I was). ONSEN EPISODE NEXT WEEK, BABY!

#chaser game w #sahara sensei to toki kun #sukiyanen kedo do yaro ka #ossan's love returns #japanese bl #japanese gl #japanese ql corner #shan shouts into the void

[ravensliterature]

Love Unvieled

A/N:  I am behind and I am trying to get posts out. I apologize for the wait and please send me anything you want me to write

pairing: Sebastian x Reader

warnings: Primarily fluff, little angst

w/c: 1060

Prompt: Sebastian and Reader have begun dating. However, Sebastian wants to show the reader his secret. 

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Y/N Phantomhive, the sibling of the young Earl, Ciel Phantomhive, lived a life different than most within the walls of the grand Phantomhive Manor. The shadows that danced around them whispered secrets, and the winds carried the echoes of the supernatural. Of course, many rumors had spread about the family, and there was more truth than you would like to admit.  Among the many enigmatic figures that inhabited the manor, none were as captivating to Y/N as Sebastian Michaelis, the elegant and ever-dutiful butler.

From the moment they had laid eyes on Sebastian, a subtle yet undeniable spark had ignited between them. Their exchanges were laced with witty banter and fleeting glances that held promises of something more. It was a dangerous game, for Sebastian was no ordinary man. Deep down, Y/N sensed that he held secrets darker than the night itself. Ciel had warned them of getting too close but they knew that Sebastian would never hurt them. 

As days turned into nights and nights into days, the attraction between Y/N and Sebastian grew stronger. They found solace in stolen moments, stolen glances, and the intoxicating allure of their forbidden connection. In the quiet corners of the manor, they would steal away, sharing stolen kisses and whispered confessions. The boundaries of duty and social standing blurred as their hearts entwined.

One evening, as the manor's halls were cloaked in silence, Y/N found themselves alone with Sebastian after Sebastian finished his evening duties. The air crackled with tension, and their hearts beat in harmony as they confessed their hidden desires. It was a moment of vulnerability, where truth hung heavy in the air, waiting to be revealed. Their flirting had turned into a relationship. They had had many nights talking and other activities that have allowed them to form a bond, but something was wrong. 

Sebastian, unable to bear the weight of his deception any longer, took a deep breath and made a confession that would change everything, including their relationship. He revealed his true nature, unveiling himself as a demon—an entity far removed from the realm of mortals. The revelation hung in the air, heavy with uncertainty.

Y/N's eyes widened with disbelief, unable to comprehend the magnitude of the truth that had just been laid before them. "A demon?" they whispered, their voice trembling. "But... that's impossible…"

Sebastian's crimson eyes held a mix of anticipation and fear. He had braced himself for their reaction, knowing that it could either solidify their bond or shatter it entirely. "I understand if this is too much for you to accept," he said softly. "But I wanted to share my true self with you, to be honest in a way I have never been before with you."

Y/N's mind raced as they tried to process the enormity of the revelation. Images of supernatural creatures, dark magic, and the unknown flooded their thoughts, but… It explains a lot. At the same time, amidst the chaos, there was something else—a deep-rooted trust and affection for the demon butler who had shown them love and devotion beyond measure. She knew what he said was true. 

With a mixture of uncertainty and determination, Y/N reached out, their hand trembling slightly. "Sebastian... I may not fully understand the intricacies of your existence, but one thing I do know is that I love you. Your true form doesn't change that, and I wish to see you. As you truly are."

Sebastian's eyes widened in surprise, his heart leaping at their words. For so long, he had hidden his true self, fearing rejection and repulsion. But here stood Y/N, not only accepting him but embracing him and sharing words he had longed to hear. A wave of relief washed over him, and a soft smile tugged at his lips.

Encouraged by their reassurance, Sebastian mustered the courage to reveal his true form—a sight that very few had witnessed and lived to tell the tale. In a swirl of darkness, his elegant butler's facade dissolved, giving way to the visage of a demon. His hair turned long and obsidian, black wings sprouting from his back and his eyes glowed with an otherworldly light. Horns sprouted from his forehead, adding an air of ethereal danger to his presence.

Y/N gasped, their breath catching in their throat as they beheld the sight before them. The initial shock was undeniable, for demons were creatures of nightmares and legends. But soon, their fear transformed into awe. They looked upon Sebastian's true form with a newfound appreciation, captivated by the raw power and beauty that emanated from him.

"You... You're astonishing," Y/N murmured, their voice filled with wonder. "Sebastian, you are more breathtaking than I could have ever imagined."

Sebastian's heart swelled with a mixture of relief and adoration. He had bared his soul, his deepest secret, and instead of rejection, he found acceptance and love. Their words washed away his doubts and insecurities, leaving only the certainty that they were meant to be together.

With a surge of emotions, Y/N stepped forward, their hand reaching out to touch Sebastian's transformed face gently. The ridges of his demon horns felt cool against their fingertips, and a shiver of excitement raced down their spine. "You've shown me a world beyond my wildest dreams, Sebastian. I want to be a part of it, to stand by your side. No matter the challenges we face, we'll face them together."

Sebastian's eyes glittered with tears of joy, a rare vulnerability shining through his stoic facade. He grasped Y/N's hand, intertwining their fingers and pulling them close. "Y/N, my love, you have given me a gift more precious than anything I could ever ask for. Together, we shall conquer the darkness and create our own paradise."

And so, in the depths of the Phantomhive Manor, two souls forged an unbreakable bond—a love that transcended the boundaries of mortal understanding. As the moon cast its gentle glow upon them, Y/N and Sebastian stood united, ready to face the trials that awaited them, hand in hand. In each other, they had found solace, passion, and an eternal love that would defy the ages. Their journey was just beginning, and together, they would navigate the uncharted waters of their intertwined destinies, drawing strength from the love that bound them.

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#black butler #kuroshitsuji #sebastian #sebastian michaelis #sebastian x reader #sebastian michaelis x reader #sebastian michaelis x y/n #sebastian x y/n #sebastian michaelis x you #sebastian x you #black butler imagines #black butler one shot #black butler x reader #kuroshitsuji imagines #kuroshitsuji one shot #kuroshitsuji x reader

[butch-reidentified]

one of the things I find most irritating is the ppl claiming i have ever once implied that i think my connection w nature/the universe/whatever is inherently deeper or more meaningful than theirs. this just reeks of insecurity and projection as I've been so very deliberate in saying the opposite this entire time yet they're still spreading that around. they're mad about my word choice bc they took it to mean something it doesn't and now blame me for that when I literally said from day 1 it's an art thing to me lmao. sorry you didn't read. i haven't once, not once, changed what I'm saying in this. and MOST ppl are seeing that clearly. idc if youre mad i dont "just say i like the aesthetic" bc it's an entire artistic medium for me not just "aesthetic." i explained what i meant by terms day 1 and yall didn't like the answers, but that's not on me, sorry.

this discourse is uniquely funny (in a loose sense of the word) bc one quick irl conversation would clear it all up so fast. it's such a miscommunication- and assumption-rooted issue. anyone who knows me irl (honestly who's even run into me in a shop one time irl) who saw the descriptions being written "about me" would not recognize them as about me in a million years. that's a big part of my frustration and desire to disengage. a version of me has taken life in this that isn't me, and coincidentally reminds me of the whole thing of "corrosively-sheathed" making up a version of me in their head and doubling down that it's representative of the real me.

i need a little breathing room bc it's futile to fight ghosts, and atp that's all this is for me. desperately trying to stop a train that's long since left the station and taken my name with it.

those of you who know me/get me/are capable of the grace and patience to trust me when I say "this isn't me," thank you. I need to remind myself you're the only ones whose voices need to matter to me.

🖤

edit to add my comment on this:

#mine #witchcraft discourse #spirituality discourse

[gaonsguitarpicks]

LOST AND FOUND - GAON

♬ Gaon x gn reader ♬ fluff, Gaon cursing and having a mental breakdown about a lost guitar pick ♬ 1.5k+ words ♬ Summary: “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever.” A quote about a guitar pick and the hidden meanings connected to it. ♬ Note: I’m sorry, I had to write about his poor guitar picks, I HAD TO—

It’s been a while since Jiseok felt such an overwhelming sense of panic that all he could think was, “I'm fucked.”

At first it's just a factual judge of his reality, however there's no human who would willingly admit that they're fucked without trying to resist such a terrible fate first. Jiseok is the same, so he keeps repeating this one sentence like the meaning of it would change if he said it enough times. All the while, he's making a mess of his room. 

Not here. 

He proceeds to the living room and repeats his previous frantic searching and cursing. 

Not here either. 

He moves to the kitchen and checks the pantry, double checks the fridge even though it's ridiculous to even imagine that it would be there, but according to his friends, that's also a common place it could be. 

Well, it's not there now. 

He searches the bathroom and takes out every single one of his clothes to check their pockets. 

Nope. 

He looks into the toilet and prays that he didn’t accidentally flush it down. (Also wouldn’t be the first time.) In any case, he can't really confirm it, can he? 

But Jiseok can't give up. This was a present you gave him for his birthday a month after the two of you started dating. He still remembers that you were visibly embarrassed since at that time, you didn’t know each other well yet, so you weren’t sure what to gift him. You wanted it to be meaningful but not too big, and in the end, you gave him a guitar pick that you customized yourself. It had both of your names on it and Jiseok's favorite colors, and he could never forget how happy it made him. It was a very special gift that made him fall completely in love with you, and he thought of it as a charm signaling the beginning of a beautiful relationship. 

Jiseok suddenly stopped in the center of the living room with his feet rooted to the ground. 

Does this mean you will break up with him because he lost the guitar pick??? 

"Um… what’s wrong with you?" Seungmin comes out of his room and the first thing he sees is Jiseok having a full mental breakdown in the middle of the living room so granted, he's a little concerned. 

Jiseok looks at him like he's seeing hope itself, which is also pretty concerning. 

"Have you seen my guitar pick?" 

"Dude," Seungmin starts slowly, so the crushing truth of the reality won't break his friend even more, "I see your picks everywhere."

And Jiseok knows that, because it happened at least a hundred times today that when he was almost happy to find the one he was looking for, it turned out to be a different one. 

"Well, I'm fucked."

Seungmin decides to ignore him and continue his way to the kitchen because he's hungry and this is not his problem. He also knows what pick in particular Jiseok is talking about because he obviously wouldn’t even try looking for any of the others. He doesn’t have much sympathy, though, he’s had it coming. Maybe the shock will teach him to not leave his picks littered everywhere anymore.

He casually takes out an ice cream from the freezer, and because Jiseok hasn't moved at all and he's a good friend, he tries to be a bit more helpful. 

"Didn't you say you keep it in a safe place so you wouldn't lose it?"

"Yeah," Jiseok looks up and stares straight into his eyes, "but it's not there."

"Well, good luck figuring out how to apologize." Seungmin pats his devastated friend on the shoulder and goes back to his room to eat his ice cream in peace. He tried. 

Jiseok keeps standing there, in the middle of the living room, and considers possible scenarios.

The safe place mentioned above is in his room, on his nightstand, so he can always see it and fiddle with it while he’s lying in bed. This way he can also easily pick it up and use it when he feels like it without having to look for it, though he usually only uses it when he misses you or plays especially for you. He’s overly conscious about his bad habit of constantly losing his guitar picks, so he always makes sure to put it back on his nightstand after he’s done using it.

However, there is no guarantee that he didn’t just forget about it one day and took it out somewhere.

His phone buzzes in his hand, shocking him back to reality, and he looks at the death sentence displayed on the screen in the form of a text message.

[ I’ll be there soon 🥰 ]

He frowns, speedrunning his thoughts in his mind to figure out why you would come over at this critical timing. Then he finds that one thought buried between the others: you agreed to go out for lunch today.

This means Jiseok has exactly fifteen minutes to either figure out where the guitar pick is or as Seungmin said, how to apologize for losing it.

One part of him thinks that if he’s being honest with himself, it’s a miracle that he didn’t lose it for this long, so you can’t be too mad at him. The other part is full-on panicking because he feels that what he lost this time isn't a simple guitar pick but a special, heartfelt present from you. What if you think that he doesn’t care about you or that he doesn’t treasure what you give him, and you consider him a bad boyfriend and want to break up with him?

He absolutely cannot let that happen!

In conclusion, he will use the remaining thirteen minutes to collect very valid and convincing points and arguments about how he is the perfect boyfriend that you should never leave.

He still jumps out of his skin when he hears the door open but he’s quick enough to take on a determined expression like it’s do or die now.

“Hey, are you ready to…” you cut yourself off. You immediately notice that something is off because your boyfriend is not breaking off into a smile and attacks you with a hug after seeing you. He’s just standing in front of you, his whole posture looks stiff and his eyes a little frantic. “Is something wrong?”

For a second, Jiseok looks up and mumbles something - probably a prayer - before he promptly falls to his knees.

“I’m so sorry for losing the special guitar pick you gave me for my birthday I’ve looked for it everywhere but I can’t find it I have no idea where I could’ve left it—”

“What?” You try to cut in because you’re very confused about this whole situation but he’s rambling like a speech he memorized by heart and he can’t even hear your voice anymore.

“—I’m so sorry I swear I always put it back to its place and I was so careful not to lose it because you gave it to me and—” 

“Jiseok…” you try again but he just keeps going on.

“—it genuinely made me so happy and I love it and I love you so much I’m so so so sorry please don’t break up with me I—”

“Kwak Jiseok!” You crouch down to him and lightly tap his cheeks with your palms to ground him. You sigh in relief when he finally shuts up and his eyes focus on you. By this time you managed to grasp the situation and all you can do is look at him fondly, feeling a bit sorry. You caress his cheeks with your thumbs to calm him down, and you tell him in a gentle but firm voice, “It’s okay, I’m not mad at you.”

“You aren’t?” He blinks at you like this is a completely unexpected turn of events.

“I’m not.”

“Oh.”

“Actually,” you say, letting go of his face and reaching into your pocket, taking out the guitar pick that was in the center of today’s events, “you left it at my place when you came over last time.”

“Oh.”

Jiseok goes a little cross-eyed as he looks at the guitar pick, there’s a moment of silence before his face lights up and he starts laughing. His laughter sounds a little like his soul and his sanity escaped his body but at this point, you can understand it.

Then he suddenly grabs your hands still holding the guitar pick and declares with such a pure, innocent joy that you can’t help but smile with him, “It came back to me!”

You don’t know this but you bringing back the guitar pick to him meant so much more than you simply forgiving him for losing it. It was a new beginning, a second chance, something that made him even more sure that you’re the one for him. He had a feeling that no matter what happens in the future, no matter what difficulties force distance between the two of you, you would come back to him, just like this guitar pick.

#xdinary heroes imagines #xdinary heroes scenarios #xdinary heroes fluff #xdinary heroes x reader #xdinary heroes gaon #kwak jiseok #gaon imagines #gaon scenarios #gaon fluff #gaon x reader #this feels a bit messy #but it's kinda supposed to be like that so it's fine #i can't believe i managed to finish it #i honestly wanted to give up halfway through #but this fic needs to be in this blog #it's part of my identity slkdjfslkdfj

[slavic-roots-western-mind]

My top Russian Tv-Shows

Despite this being mainly a mandarinblr, I still try to practise my other languages so here are some of the most interesting tv-shows in russian for my fellow russian-learners and speakers and anyone interested.

Kitchen - Кухня This show has several spin-offs including Hotel Eleon and Grand which I will not mention as by the end of the last spin-off there are literally no characters from the original cast and the plot slightly goes of the rails. The actual show is set a french restaurant in Moscow where Max Lavrov, who just finished his military service decided to work at. The show follows the various challenges that Max faces at his new workplace, including the foul-tempered but very talented Chef Viktor Barinov who has a drinking problem and other interesting characters. It's quite funny and heart-warming, and it's a must-watch imo.

Youth - Молодёжка A pretty standard sports series tv plot. The hockey-team "Bears" are a meh team at best, but that all changes when a former National Hockey League player turned coach shows up to make a proper team out of them. I only watched the first season because after that the plot got a tad boring for me, but as far as sports series go, pretty good.

Law of the Lawless (Not the 1964 film!) - Бригада A cult-classic staple of only 15 episodes. The plot is a bit over the place at the beginning, as opening episodes sequence is a flashback to the start of the final episode but after that it's chronological, with the first episode w english subtitles here. 4 best friends start out as youths from early 1990s to 2000s, with one returning home after finishing his army service with plans for uni and the others just starting their lives. However, the Perestroika had significantly changed their lives, so eventually the gang turns from racketeering and petty crime to slowly becoming the mafia. The opening theme is worth watching alone, but then again I'm biased.

How I became Russian - Как я стал русским This comedy show is quite dear to me, as it follows an American journalist with russian and slavic roots navigating life and work in Russia as he works on a story about life in Russia for a major newspaper back home. He's back in his homeland but as a foreigner who finds his heritage utterly confusing. This series resonates with me, as despite having a good grasp of my cultures languages and customs, I still feel disconnected from my heritage at times, and this show has been a reassuring reminder that not being 100% attuned with your heritage is okay, and that there are many different ways of re-connecting with your culture.

Closed school - Закрытая Школа I was slightly tramuatized by this show when I first watched it 4ish years ago, in part due to how unhinged and off the rails the plot slowly but surely becomes. A descent into madness. Andrei and his sister are sent to study at the Logos boarding school, but are then informed that their parents have perished. Andrei doesn't believe this, so he sets off to investigate with his new friends and investigate he does. There are also some other background shenanigans going on, but the unraveling of the schools mystery remains the main interest, including its odd passageways and deeply disturbing history. As a thriller series, it honestly deserves that title.

Here are some shows that came out more recently that I think deserve a mention.

The Boy's Word: Blood on the Asphalt- Слова пацана кровь на осфальте I've only seen a few episodes out of the 8, but it's very Brigada-esque so far. During the mid-late 1980s when Perestroika is going on and the USSR is soon to be no more, 14 year old Andrei is trying to survive as he's constantly bullied at school and by gang-members. He makes friends with one of said gang members Marat, as he slowly descends into the world of street life. I'll finish watching this series sometime probably.

The new guy - Новенький 16-year old Max moves from his glamorous life in Moscow to a small-town Yurovsk due to his parents constant arguing, where he immediately doesn't get along with his clasmmates who think him stuck-up and start bullying him. One day Max goes missing and his classmates are the obvious suspects, as slowly but surely secrets start to emerge revealing everyone's lies. A pretty good suspense/thriller show, which covers the topics of bullying, coming of age and what it means to be an adult pretty well, despite the 4th and final season being kind of lackluster.

Central Russia's Vampires - Вампиры средней полосы Where to even begin with this show. I don't know whether I should introduce the trailer or the opening theme song mv. Basically the life of a small and unconventional vampire family living in Smolensk, presumably in central Russia, who get disturbed when bodies with distinct bite marks are found nearby. This results in the Guardians (aka the guys keeping vampires a secret and ensuring that no one acts out) taking over and investigating with the vampire leader Svyatoslav Vernidubovich given a week to find and punish the culprit. My odd plot description aside, the cast is why I adore this show. The recently turned Gen-Z wannabe blogger Zhenyok, the thousand year old grandpa Svyatoslav, the constantly annoyed Dr. Zhan Ivanovich (who is actually french and decided to hang around after Napoleon was defeated) and his ex-wife The Countess who honestly should have a spin-off show and many more characters.

Doomsday - Конец Света Satan decides to come back to Earth and start the apocalypse, for which he needs his son Dimyan who should become the Antichrist but to his dismay, Dimyan doesn't really care about world domination and money, he just wants to get married to his fiancee Galya and live happily ever after. Chaos ensues as satan tries to persuade Dimyan to join him, whilst Angel vs Demon shenanigans occur in the background. I honestly had no idea that this type of show could even be produced due to the censors and yet it was. It's kind of slightly similar to Good Omens with all the apocalypse stuff and the Angels and Demons eventually teaming up? Good Omens adjacent. Except more gritty with much darker humour. The actor who plays satan is Yuri Kolokolnikov who actually starred in game of thrones so if you're a fan of his acting, do try this show.

Alisa can't wait - Алиса не может ждать Alisa is a 15-16 (don't remember her exact age) year old girl who is going blind and she decides to do something really drastic to ensure that her life will be comfortable after she loses all sight. There's a noticeable build-up to what she's actually planning during the episodes, as her homelife is less than ideal, with her older sister stuck in an unhappy marriage and a turbulent relationship with her parents. This is one of the few shows that really left a deep impression on me but it deals with some very sensitive and potentially upsetting topics so be aware if you're giving it a go.

This list may be updated in the future, so if there are any other shows that I may have missed do share them!

#studyblr #russian #college life #tv #tv series #study blog #student #student life #travel blog #study motivation #aesthetic #slavic roots western mind #college #languagelearning #language #language stuff #language blr #language blog #tv shows #russian tv #russian tv shows #russian tv series #soviet movies #ussr #soviet #brigada #kitchen #Кухня #vampires #thriller

[silverskye13]

Hey!! I have another sorta kinda worldbuilding question,,,, and it may be bc I'm trying to figure out more abt the helsmets I made,,, 👉👈 but how did u figure out like. how the characters link to / travel to and from their hermits? I am trying to figure that out in particular w a couple of em that I made but I am simply lying on the floor with an empty brain and no ideas

Oooo your helsmet OCs

Unfortunately! I don't have too many hard and fast rules for it. I can give you my thought process, if that helps?

I made Helsknight's back and forth first, because its established in canon he can travel between worlds [though I think it's implied to be difficult. I think he came through the nether the first time.] But when I first started writing for Hels/Wels, I was writing Helsknight as more like,,, a set of intrusive thoughts that gets more solid in the dark -- a bit like how you get grimmer thoughts when you're tired. He was a presence that sometimes got firm enough to manifest. Then when I started working on RnS, it seemed logical he would slip through shadows. As Welsknights "dark thoughts", as his "dark side", it made sense to me that he is almost literally Welsknight's shadow, and can use those shadows to fall back and forth. He has more freedom of movement than most helsmets because Welsknight plays on a lot of worlds, and Helsknight can go where he's been [as any good shadow does].

For Tango/Tanguish, I liked the idea of a mirror or reflection. They started the story very close, and there is a fondness there that you sometimes get when you look in a mirror. And given Tango was looking for a friend -- I dunno, your reflection is such a recognizable thing. The connection made sense to me. So they can kind of fall through to each other -- but only where each other is, because you can't really have a reflection unless you're there to cast it. It's more rooted by proximity.

And then some helsmets I think have no access to their other halves. The Demon wants nothing to do with Impulse -- Impulse is a threat to him. Impulse is probably the only person in the world he truly, deeply fears, because he sees in Impulse the potential for his undoing. It's that fear and aversion that drives him not being able to travel. He doesn't want to glimpse his hermit in any aspect of his life, and it's rooting him in place.

If you're trying to build your own unique ways for travel, I might try breaking it down like that for your characters. Would they want access to their other half, or vice versa? What are they to their other half? Are they a shadow, a dark reflection, two sides of the same coin, etc? Are they an idea that drowns their other half [travel exclusively through water] or are they maybe a passion, or anger [stepping through fire]? Do they have unlimited access, or can they only come when called? Or can they go places their other half can't follow, reflecting the idea that their other half feels trapped, but they're free to roam? Etc. etc. etc.

#answering asks #yayforstuffs #excited to see what you come up with! #sorry if the questions are a little overwhelming -- asking questions is how i get ideas #most of my worldbuilding involves going 'what if' and 'how about' and 'why' until something sticks #rns asks

[stuckinapril]

i think you said somewhere you volunteer - do you have any tips on how to start doing that? ive been wanting to start both to help people out myself and to push my social boundaries but i get stuck in my head before i even get in the door somehow. do you have any tips lol? i think im overthinking this...

Hey no worries, I really like that you’re genuinely interested and trying to gather resources. I actually have some thoughts I’d like to share on this:

There are two types of volunteering: long-form volunteering and short-form volunteering. Short-term volunteering looks like participating in the occasional phone bank, helping raise donations every now and then, attending a food drive on a blue moon. Long-form volunteering is typically something like volunteering at a place on at least a weekly basis. A lot of the time that requires that the place actually train you so you’re of use to them. Before you look up places to volunteer, consider which type of volunteering suits your schedule the most. I do both, but I understand how not everyone’s workload can accommodate that.

When it comes to long-term volunteering, understand that just because it’s not paid work doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be taken seriously. You can’t do frequent callouts or blow off tasks because they’re not paying you to be there. A lot of the places that do social justice work—providing free food and medical care to homeless people, providing services to refugees—unfortunately do not have the necessary funding to support a whole lot of employees most times. Whatever your time commitment looks like, it remains a time commitment that needs to be honored regardless of pay.

With that said, it really is best to find something you’re actually passionate about, not something that you’re doing for the brownie points. One way to do that is to work towards a cause you have a personal connection to. For example, I volunteer weekly at a refugee center for middle eastern refugees. I also participate in a plethora of events with a view to assist Palestine in whatever ways I could. Because I’m an Arab girl, one w Iraqi heritage (also a war-torn Arab country), obviously all these things will be of personal importance to me. It’s easy for me to be incentivized to care about them, because I have this preordained connection to them. Personal connection makes it that much easier to be passionate about a cause.

But it’s equally important to mention that relatability isn’t the only way to care, nor should it be. I also volunteer at a clinic that provides service to homeless people weekly. I’m not homeless. I still care. I volunteer at my city’s Alzheimer’s research center. I don’t have Alzheimer’s. I still care. We don’t have to only associate ourselves with people we personally relate to. In fact, and this goes for life in general, you really should seek to befriend, interact with, and be curious about people who’re not like you. You should find their experiences intriguing: a window into another perspective you perhaps hadn’t thought of before. You should not always be surrounding yourself with an echo chamber of yesmen and homogeneity. Be curious about people who’re not like you. Try to put yourself in their shoes. And then learn to care about them.

It’s okay to frame volunteering as a way to benefit you too. It’s not a one-way street. There’s nothing more fulfilling than devoting yourself to something that’s solely rooted in your humanity. Not in the desire to be paid, not in the desire for acclaim, but simply in the desire to help. It makes you feel better. It boosts your self-confidence. It helps you form long-lasting connections with other people who’re also doing it out of the sheer kindness of their heart; out of the fact that they find it in themselves to care. And it reminds you of what really matters.

The biggest mistake is overwhelming yourself w 82727 resources and 72627 organizations. Start with something simple and stick with it, then go from there if you have the time to get more involved. A lot of the places that need volunteers would be happy with as little as one day a week, so long as you’re consistent about it.

It’s okay if you don’t have the time for long-form volunteering. Volunteering every now and then at one-and-done events still makes a huge difference. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking it has to either be this grand commitment or nothing. Please don’t think that way; organizations know life could be busy, and they’re happy to have you even if it’s only for the occasional event. Just make sure you’re doing something if you can.

#ok I’m done <3 <3 hope this helps #volunteering #ask

[el1sesstuff]

Ultimate glow up guide to glow up before school!

(I'll try to put these in sections + I'll also be using these tips my self as well)

To glow up you must have to take care of yourself in these areas physically, emotionally, and mentally so I'll try to help you conquer these things!

What is wonyoungism?

A: it's a term created by Ives fans thats centered on the princess pilates aesthetic. Wonyoungism is all about living a healthy lifestyle, positive mindset, keeping fit, eating healthy, and most importantly self love and loving your self!

1. How to enter your wonyoungism era?

Workout could go to the gym or work out home (I recommend pilates and cardio)

Try to stretch every morning and night

Sleep well at least 8 hours a day

Try to build a skincare routine I recommend finding your skin type and finding products that work for it

Ice your face (makes you look more put together and gives you a refreshed look)

Eat healthy or in small portions

Find a make up routine (if you need it)

Be nice to people around you!! If someone is mean you be nice to them

Drink enough water ik everyone says this but its actually really benifical to glow up cuz it flushes out all the nasty toxins in your body. It makes your skin look brighter and hydrated

2. Glow up mentally

Learn to love your self beacuse if you can't love yourself then who love you?

Try I have an idgaf mindset this is so helpful because if someone disrespects you, you don't care

Walk around w/ confidence

Tell your self affirmations

Try to limit your screen time an the amount of negative things you consume (negative things leads to bad mentality)

Try to put your self first

Have a "I don't chase, I attract mindset" this is by song jia

Find motivational quotes to help you feel good

Spend some time alone! Do the things you love

Journal it gets all your bottled emotions out

Write goals you want to achieve

Work on healing your self

Surround your self w/ positive ppl

Start doing meditation and yoga!

Get LOTS OF SLEEP at least 8hrs per night

Try to connect w/ your religion more

Create a summer playlist!

3. Self care

Pamper your self more

Skincare tips:

Use cold water to help your skin

Wash ur face 1-2 times a day w/ a good cleanser

Rubbing ice on your face

Moisture daily (day and night)

Find your skin type

Gently dry ur face after washing it

Shower tips:

User rice water for shiny an silky hair (not too often)

Cold showers

Use conditioner on tips

Shampoo on roots (bubble it up first)

Let hair naturally dry most of the time blow dry it rarely

Wash your pillows frequently

Smooth skin:

Use lotion Immediately after showering or bathing (surprisingly ppl don't do this ?!!)

Body butter after showering to keep skin extra hydrated

Wear silky types of clothing while sleeping

Shave (don't have to if you dont want to)

Use body scrubs once a week so you don't overly strip your skin of it's natural oils

Use body oils when your skin needs it or every other day

Few other tips:

Take warm baths when you need them especially on long mentally draining days to restore your energy

Don't shower with hot water bc it can really damage your skin

Brush your teeth with toothpaste then w/ water (makes them look whiter

Wash your hands regularly to keep them smooth and clean (moisture them after to keep them soft not hard!

Ware gloves while cleaning and washing dishes because the harsh chemicals can make your hands dry and rough!!

Diet:

Drink at least 6-8 cups of water per day

Include fruits and veggies in every meal (try to)

Eat healthy fats like; avacadoes, nuts, seeds, fatty fish. These types of foods contain omega-3 which gives your skin a healthy appearance

Whole grains like; quinoa, brown rice, oats, and whole wheat bread. They provide you fiber, vitamins, and minerals that are good for your skins health

Lean proteins like; fish, tofu, beans, and Greek yogurt they can give your hair and skin a healthy look to it

Physically glow up:

Invest into a good skincare routine

Try a new hairstyle this can change up your whole look

Get your nails done

Everything shower (exfoliate, shave, hair mask, ect)

Find new clothes

Get a SIGNATURE SCENT!

get a tan (optional)

Dye your hair (optional)

Use a gusha and face roller (it changes up your face shape sm)

Summer bucketlist ideas:

Have picnics w/ ur self or friends

See sunrises and sunsets

Paint or draw

Read new books (I love reading webtoon sm)

Go on a road trip

Thrifring

Have a girls night

Go on walks

Make bracelets

Have a photoshoot

Fashion tips:

Always wear accessories they make you look more put together and they can spice up a boring outfit

Always smell good

Don't pair a baige or black colored cargo pants w/ a bright colored top. Pair it w/ black

Some colors beige goes well with ; brown, black, silver

Always do a nice hairstyle that matches your outfit

To make a skirt look better add leg warmers

Pair the right shoe color with the right outfit or else you'll look less put together

#c 🌧️ #ed di3t #i want to be weightless #kpopwl #th!n$piration #that girl #wonyoung #wonyoung diet #wonyoung motivation #disordered eating thoughts