#weirdly he likes his jammies

[senualothbrok]

I bet Gale rips the the fattest ass in his sleep.

(DEFINITELY NOT WHO YOU THINK IT IS DONT EVEN FUCKING ASK)

Obviously, obviously this isn't who I think it is 🤨🤣 🫶

This is a really weirdly specific and kind of gross thing to HC about 🤣 but here goes

I am pretty sure Gale probably does this too because he canonically does not eat vegetables. Tara also talks about him having stomach problems. Can you imagine 🤦🏻‍♀️

Also I HC that Gale would be super embarrassed about very mortal bodily functions like this. He would definitely not be someone to crack one out and joke about it (like Karlach or Minsc would, for example). I get this sense from how he is about nudity and how grossed out he is about the spider licking situation.

If ever Gale accidentally let one out I feel like he would be really apologetic and flustered. Isnt the gentlemanly thing to do in the company of others etc etc

He might use magic to conceal it on the regular 🤣 Gale canonically smells good - he enchants his jammies to smell like books, and SH says he smells like a wealthy dowager. So the man cares a lot about these things. No way he would want to be associated with the smell of flatulence 🤣

So yes, if he's trying to suppress it all day long, he would probably be letting it rip in his sleep 💀 sorry, Tav who sleeps in the same bed with Gale.

This is the weirdest, most hilarious Gale related thing I have ever HCed about. Thank you I guess?

Love you "anon" 🫶

#ask

[astrowaffles]

A through Z for the ask game >:]

HI JAMMIE

this is another long one, bear with me!

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

Uhhhhh well obviously I'm loving the gojo & megumi father-son shit at the moment, it really heals the depression. ALSO @grungeeuvu (alt. account @grungiiuvu) has gotten me back into MXTX, especially TGCF, so fengqing is top of my romantic ship list at the moment. I keep meaning to write something for them. Whoopsies.

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

my jjk moots are going to think i'm insane for this, but itafushi. It did NOT occur to me when I watched the anime, but then someone suggested it to me and then I rewatched with new eyes and ... yeah. itafushi canon.

also kuromikashou. I'm a fan of that now, too.

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

the rats are going to absolutely hate this announcement, but ushioi and oikage. Hate them both. oisuga? sure. iwaoi? love it. oihina? don't see it as a long term thing, but don't care. even atsuoi is passable. But both ushioi and oikage really irriate me for zero reason.

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

bokuroo. they make total logical sense and they'd be hilarious together, but to me they're besties. sorry guys :(

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

i hear lots of good things about my JNT Rulebook, which is a whole load of crack. Also, for AOT i wrote Chaos Theory, which earned comments like "I had no idea funny fics were possible for this fandom". If you are a long-term aot girlie, I am so sorry for your loss.

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

Uh, I'm not sure? The first fandom I contributed to was PJO. I was there for maybe two years, and that's probably my record. I'm just over one year on haikyuu now. I'M SORRY I JUST KEEP CHANGING INTERESTS

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

My very first OTP was probably Eadric & Emma from The Frog Princess series. It doesn't really have a fandom but god, I loved those books... OR Ash & Serena from Pokemon. They were good too.

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

I mainly watch anime at the moment and usually they have more active fandoms, so I'm happy to stay with them. With books, you can never be sure that anyone else has ever read them.

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

Nope, because I am good at staying away from scary people. #slay

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr.

Supernatural. No explanation needed.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

From Haikyuu, it's got to be Hinata, hasn't it? And he's weirdly underrated, considering he's literally the main character.

From other fandoms, I love Yona from Yona of the Dawn. She goes from literal spoiled princess to some kind of warrior queen, PLUS she gains emotional maturity. May we all grow to be like her.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves.

You know what, guys? I do think Goshiki's cute. I do understand wanting to put him in your pocket. Personally, I don't, but I totally see it.

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

Sugawara. He's top tier friend material - chaotic, funny, caring, and would definitely feed into your delulu.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more of in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

My main fandom is probably haikyuu, so I wish I saw more of:

Appreciation for the writing!!!

Love for main characters. It sounds weird, but the fandom is full of people who have a pet side character who barely has any lines. This is GOOD, all character deserve appreciation, but can we get some applause for hinata??

Love for rarepairs. This sounds even stranger, considering my last point, but we need to get used to letting people ship whoever the fuck they want. As long as it's legal.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

After a good old shuffle of my 94 hour playlist, I got Bad Romance by lady gaga. This is gonna come out of left field because I've never mentioned this fandom before, but it's sherliam from moriarty the patriot.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

I've mentioned this to friends before, but we totally need a TGCF hosptial au. Mu Qing is a surgeon, Feng Xin is a physiotherapist, Xie Lian is either a GP or an anesthesiologist, and Hua Cheng is some random reception guy. Mu Qing is always bullying Feng Xin for not being a 'real doctor'. Hualian are married. you see where I'm going.

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

Harry Potter, for obvious reasons.

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

I would die for Nobara & Itadori & Megumi. They deserved to be happy forever.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon

I wrote whole sections of fanfiction based off my headcanon that Megumi has flat hair like Toji, but he styles it spiky to be like Gojo. I KNOW the canon disproves it. I don't actually care.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

Nope, because I am non-confrontational and uncreative.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

I'm going niche on this one - well, more like going into fandoms my followers probably aren't into.

Ayame Sohma, Fruits Basket. Loving brother, perfect example of how to make reparations, and also literally fabulous. And gay.

Ooharano, All Out!. Voice by Ian Sinclair, very good at his sport, hilariously sarcastic. Emotional backstory that was just never mentioned again???

Siatrich Wynknight, The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up At The Duke's Mansion. Very funny, likes to be a bit evil for the giggles, thinks it's funny when his younger brother endangers national relations. Gay.

V - Which character do you relate to most?

GUYS I HAVE NO IDEA. I'm probably closest to Bokuto or Kageyama - and that seems odd, because they're different people, but that's how I am.'

Also Gojo. Don't tell my readers I said that.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

Exes to Lovers, my beloathed. Hate it so much, I can't even explain why.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS CHILDHOOD FRIENDS "I KNOW THE PARTS OF YOU THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW YOURSELF" MY BELOVED

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

RWBY, ITSV, Demon Slayer.

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go!

I guess I've always been interested in the idea of a true morally grey character, because sometimes there are characters that are described as morally grey, or even evil, when they're actually Just A Guy (*cough* Oikawa *cough*). The only character I can think of is probably Dazai from BSD. Everyone has an opinion and very few of them are correct. There is no way you can say he is a bad person, because many of his issues come from the fact that he is an orphan, raised by the mafia, and someone who took the opportunity to leave when prompted. Also, in his life after the mafia, he made a genuine effort to make good on his promises and fix his life, including saving Atsushi.

HOWEVER, you can't say he's a totally good person. He lived well in the mafia, because he didn't care about killing people and perhaps even enjoyed it, depending on how you view certain scenes. Many people would say that he's still not on anyone's side, he's only on his own side. This is debatable, but it's still there. PLUS you've got his continuation of the cycle of abuse through Akutagawa, and his willingness to pretend to betray his friends in order to get the outcome he wants. Everyone else is just a pawn to him.

I'm still undecided on him, but I'm proud of every fan that says "he's morally grey" rather than cutting it up into black and white. Remember that BSD was written for the stray dogs, not the ones who have lived happily all this time...

Thanks for the ask!

#astro speaks wonders #jammie 👹 #bsd #haikyuu #all out #fruits basket #moriarty the patriot #yona of the dawn #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #hq #why raeliana ended up at the duke's mansion #tgcf

[ecofinisher]

OK more picture 😂 I still haven't met an alien, if there are supposed to be some.....

OK I randomly added Sims I would come across the city to see the new things I haven't tried yet (I know I tried soccer, but not with kids. BUT HEY! He saved two balls from an adult! Way to go, Morti!)

Two things are unknown. He's angry at not owning a roller skate ground or he's just jealous of her talent.

Obviously her talent.

But the good thing about Sunset Valley is, from all existing teens in town, at least three of them are good-hearted.

They would make cute siblings. Too bad I never gave any of the two one 😂

Christmas eve 😭 The fun part, inside Miraj's gift there was a FRICKING bicycle!

AND HER NAME IS RIVER MCIRISH!

I forgot the water bomb one, but here I got at least the floating above water. (Dude's living his life, until he floats away over the ocean down to Riverview or Barnacle Bay. Well any world.....)

I don't know, the temperature was cold and Parker was freezing....YOU'RE WEARING A JACKET, MAN! (*Coughs, Ecofinisher you wear three jackets in winter and you're still cold af)...

Did you know, that I started three times a new game file because I was lazy to switch back the random picked Sims? Still don't know, why.

I purposely send him out there in his jammies to see, what happens, if you get really, really cold. I read, that another Sim would make you warm, but I thought it was something cute, not.......this......Wish I could use my dryer like that too.

Something tells me, this is not the first time.....

Ah yes Sims-Tinder.....erm I mean online dating portal....Weirdly, the first time I opened it, half of the Sims were married Sims 😂

Alien invasion 😂 Ok, it's just me, after finally updating the space ship. (SIms 4 at least you can visit a random planet 😂)

#the sims #the sims 3 #the sims 3 seasons #ecofinisher #mortimer goth #river mcirish #winter

[thetaoofbetty]

he was so sad i wouldn't give him my candy😭

#cooper #yes he's wearing pumpkin jammies #he gets chilly at night thank you very much #the look of devastation got him a dog cookie 5 minutes later tho #and yes #weirdly he likes his jammies

[vaguely-concerned]

I'm fucking crying part 5 gives us actual canon laundry day in the lupin household content and I am falling to pieces over it like... where do I start

the sheer power of the revelation that yes, indeed, jigen has an entire wardrobe of identical hats and also suits and yes, indeed, it seems that when he's got leisure to do so he irons each and every one (god not to be a fellow maladjusted human being but he's living the fucking dream just wearing the same thing he's comfortable with for like 50 years now and having his closet be only that, I support him fully)

the husbands vibes of this... I cAN'T, the way he just hands lupin the stuff he's finished ironing and lupin sassing him about his style (please lupin you'll wear one specific brightly coloured jacket for years at a time and call it fashion, something something stones and glass houses buddy)

also I find it so weirdly funny that lupin seems to be the only one of them who actually owns and wears more typical clothes to relax in -- it really brings home that the greatest trick lupin ever pulled was making his found family such a bunch of absolute weirdos that he occasionally has moments of looking positively normal standing next to them, something that is not going to happen through any other set of circumstances lol

HIS LAUNDRY DAY BEANIE!!! THE TEENY TINY PONYTAIL!!!!! I WOULD DIE FOR HIM AND HE WOULD TRY TO TAKE THE BULLET FOR ME LIKE A DUMBASS ANYWAY

they're all at home and relaxed and barefoot and goemon is in what I can only assume is his anachronistic equivalent of his jammies (I think that's the innermost layer of his normal outfit? if I got that right I guess it's kind of a cross between jammies and longjohns conceptually in this idea haha) 😭😭😭

part 5, you tried my patience and my charity both with the weird gay jokes in the first arc, but for shit like this I will love you

#lupin iii #arsene lupin iii #goemon ishikawa xiii #daisuke jigen #I really wish the fujiko and ami side of the plot of this episode hadn't been so uncomfortable but the boys are great in this one lol

[rainfrazier]

on to the epilogues!!

there’s just something about the chevalier epilogue that i really love like. have you ever been to a sleepover and you’ve all stayed up way too late and the next day you wake up and you’re all weirdly groggy and it’s quiet. and the like two people who woke up before everyone else are in the kitchen making some pancakes or something. that’s what it feels like. chevalier is here with a white tshirt he picked up from off the floor and his jammie pants and his shower flip flops and he’s sitting in the cafeteria with a blueberry muffin just chilling while everybody else wakes up. i’m in love with it

also the conversation between vic and tattletale in the cafeteria was just so sweet. talking back and forth over coffee about what their lives would be like if they didn’t have powers. the divorce energy. love it

#ward #ward spoilers

[doctors-star]

lister/rimmer for “Oh no, I feel bad- SYKE, no I don’t.” pretty please

“You’re being weirdly helpful today. What do you want?”

Rimmer opens his eyes parodically wide, fingers splayed against his sternum in an elaborate moi? gesture. It is an appearance of surprise and hurt so manufactured that Lister almost wants to applaud the performance, bow at their audience of stars, and abandon the bastard to his machinations. But unfortunately, Lister has been granted prophetic visions of the future and knows with deep and terrible certainty that, were he to do so, he would spend two minutes wandering the empty decks, trip over Kryten’s best mop, slide on one of Cat’s abandoned silk cravats, and go and find Rimmer to bitch about it and hope that he’s doing something more interesting. So, given that interstellar travel is remarkably exhausting, it’s far better to cut out the middleman and instead lie here on the sofa and watch Rimmer direct scutters to haphazardly clean the living quarters inch by mind-numbing inch. They’ve even got little white glove-fingers on their claws, so that Rimmer can demand that they swipe something to test for cleanliness and then bawl them out for miniscule specks no-one else can see. Once, Rimmer had conjured up a white glove for himself and gone round doing the same thing, but when Lister had pointed out that he couldn’t pick up dust and therefore was imagining things, Rimmer had only doubled down harder - so hard that he’d worked himself into a real tizzy about going video-blind, or being permanently stuck with dust on his finger for all eternity, or dying, again, and had needed to go and have a lie down in the dark for a bit. So this is - debatably - an improvement.

Normally, Lister wouldn’t give a toss about Rimmer bossing the scutters about on yet another mad powertrip, but he’s going too far. He’s thrown out all Lister’s mouldering dishes, professing concern for Lister’s health but probably just trying to irritate him, and he’s cleared out the space in the corner of the bunkroom that Lister had hesitantly earmarked for the crib - and in doing so, had thrown out Lister’s third-worst t-shirt, the one with the curry stain vaguely resembling Maggie Thatcher, and which he likes to keep around in order to spit at it every now and then. The final straw, however, had been when Rimmer had nasally informed him that he was getting in the way of the scutters’ gruelling floor-cleaning regime, and that he had better go and put his feet up instead - to keep out of their way, of course.

“When have I ever tried to manipulate you to get what I want?” Rimmer says with a voice which he probably thinks is sweet and just makes him sound like a particularly jammy and unpleasant used-car salesman trying to get off with the seventeen-year-old girls coming in for their first Fiat 500.

Lister narrows his eyes. “Do you want that alphabetised or chronological?”

Rimmer blinks at him balefully, still very much putting it on. “Can’t I just do something nice without an ulterior motive?”

He considers this. “A person could, even if they never have before. You, though, I genuinely think the shock of it would kill you.” Lister spreads his hands invitingly, obligingly lifting one foot out of the way of a scutter before letting it once more dangle over the side of the sofa. “So, out with it.”

Rimmer shifts nervously from one foot to the other, inventing something at speed as though he never expected Lister to call him out on this - in which case, he’s a moron. More so than usual. “I don’t want the twins sleeping in our room,” he blurts out all in one rushed go, and Lister raises an eyebrow. “They’ll - they’ll cry, and keep me up, and I’m not giving up my Learn Esperanto discs for rodent-sized versions of you.”

Lister makes a game show-style incorrect noise and blows a raspberry, just to watch the left side of Rimmer’s face twitch in irritation. “Nope, not happening. They’ll cry so’s I know they need me, so I gotta be here to hear ‘em. Anyway, I wouldn’t make you give up your Esperanto discs - they’ll be better at it than you in a few months.”

Rimmer makes a sucked-lemon face at him. “Your spawn is not piggybacking my learning, the little parasites,” he says sternly.

Lister cups a hand around his ear exaggeratedly. “What was that, little-Listers? Ni estas tre lertaj? Yes,” he says to his still flat stomach in a very gooey voice that makes Rimmer clench and unclench his fists like a prize fighter, “you are very clever!”

Rimmer wrenches one hand up and points at him viciously, the other fingers curled in so tightly that his knuckles go white. “I forbid it.”

Lister sticks his tongue out. “Move out. Anyway, that’s not the reason - you cleared the space for their beds yourself. So, what is it?”

Rimmer narrows his eyes. The scutters start inching towards the door and effecting their escape. “I want to pick the film tonight, and it won’t be Fast and 14ious again,” he says carefully, feeling his way into the lie.

Lister pulls a sympathetic face and makes his game show noise again. “Oh, too bad,” he says, “you know well it’s Cat’s shout tonight so helping me won’t do anything. Anyway, 14ious is the best one.”

“It’s scratched to hell,” Rimmer points out. “We have to make up our own dialogue for the entire second act - last time, Kryten had the central car chase pivot around a shipment of mopheads and got disturbingly into the sex scene immediately following.”

Lister winces briefly at the recollection, but shrugs. “Exactly, it’s the best one. Right, contestant, last chance, remembering that you still have your lifelines: ask the audience, fifty-fifty, phone a friend-”

Predictably, Rimmer frowns. “Phone a friend?”

Internally, Lister pumps his fist. “Sorry contestant, that’s wrong too - you don’t have any friends.” Rimmer offers him a truly poisonous look and Lister nearly falls off the sofa snorting with laughter.

Rimmer folds his arms. “Well, if you know so much,” he sneers. “Work it out for yourself.”

“Nah, ‘cause you’ll just say yes to anything in the hope I’ll shut my gob,” Lister says without taking offence, and Rimmer looks vaguely exhausted. “Come on,” he wheedles, “tell me what’s eating you.”

“Nothing!” Rimmer snaps, unfolding his arms in a jerky motion and stalking off to fold himself into his bunk so that Lister has to awkwardly lean his head over the back of the sofa to see him. “Maybe I just want to live somewhere with basic standards of cleanliness.”

“Yeah,” Lister allows, watching Rimmer rub at the webbing between thumb and forefinger obsessively, as though seeking comfort. “But usually you yell at me until I do it. This,” he says, gesturing at the hard work of the scutters, “could be interpreted as nice, Rimmer, so you’d better do something selfish before the Playboy cover designers get in touch and make you every Miss July for the next century, or something else equally unlikely happens.”

“You’re an unbearable goit with all the standards and appeal of a mangy, leg-humping jack russell.”

“That’s the spirit. Now, explain yourself, you uptight lunatic.”

Rimmer makes a face at his own knees, then looks up, sees Lister watching him, and makes an even unhappier face. “Well,” he says, and then Lister has to wait and listen to nothing but the noise of deep space and Red Dwarf slowly falling apart around them for a good minute. “We ought to be ready for the babies, when they arrive,” he says suddenly, addressing the starched creases in his trousers.

“Which will be in about seven months,” Lister prompts gently, turning around to lean his chest against the back of the sofa and watch Rimmer better. He rubs the back of his neck carefully, tugging at the baby hair under his dreads. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be prepared, but - seven months is a long time, in the depths of space with sod all else to occupy them. Rimmer seems oddly hung up on it. The thought occurs to him like a lead weight in his stomach. “Look, man, I know we never asked for ‘em, but they are coming, so even if you don’t want them around you’ve-”

“No!” Rimmer says sharply, and when he meets Lister’s eyes he knows Rimmer is entirely serious, even though he still doesn’t understand literally anything else about the situation. “It’s not-” he waves a hand at Lister dismissively. Then he fixes his gaze on his hands, and addresses his remarks to those. “Pregnant people are supposed to rest,” he says sternly, “and be undisturbed by - by mess, and noise, and small children.”

Lister feels a frown settle on his brows, and a worry settle in his gut. Rimmer swallows hard, adam’s apple moving like a yo-yo. “Why’s that?” he murmurs gently, as if - if he could only be quiet enough - the question wouldn’t spook Rimmer out of his honesty.

Rimmer shrugs one shoulder. “Stops the baby growing up strong,” he recites oddly. “Mummy said she’d spent so much time running after my brothers that she was worn out with me, and that’s why I was slow.” He sniffs. He looks horribly lonely, and a hundred thousand miles away, and it’s like there’s a fist around Lister’s heart slowly constricting. “And that she might as well keep focussing on them, since I was never going to catch up.”

Lister shakes his head slowly. “Rimmer,” he says, “you’ve got more hang-ups than Elton John’s feather boa rack. I’m not raising the kids like your parents did you, and I’m not going to lie on the sofa for the next seven months doing sod all.”

“Whereas normally you’re such a ball of energy,” Rimmer snipes, but his heart’s not in it.

“Yeah,” Lister agrees calmly, “I’ve a strict schedule of slobbing about in different places and I’m gonna stick to it. Rimmer.” Rimmer flicks his head up guiltily and Lister offers him an exhausted look. “You can’t just decide to only care about my health when it suits your trauma and really annoys me, alright?”

Rimmer frowns. “Why not?” he whinges - which is a surprise, because Lister was anticipating him latching onto the caring thing, and not getting much further.

Lister spreads his hands. “All or nothing, baby,” he says firmly and with cheer, and then shoots Rimmer a wink - which reminds him of the aforementioned caring thing, and sets him off sputtering.

“And - and I don’t care,” he manages in the end. “Watch me not caring, you odious toad.”

“Uh-huh,” Lister says, and then, when Rimmer chances a glance his way, blows him a kiss to make him go all red and cross. It’s really ridiculously endearing.

“This,” Rimmer says, pointing at him, “is a manifestation of my dreadful upbringing, and, and Stockholm syndrome, anyway.”

Lister manages a grin, and lets it go. As he slumps back into the sofa, he can’t help but wish that Rimmer wasn’t probably right - and not just because the man is obnoxious and intolerable on a good day, when he’s wrong - and failing that, that this Stockholm syndrome, this resolute and unbending care that humans apparently manifest for one another despite literally everything when there is nothing else in the universe except a few creeping lifeforms and the persistent love they put out like radiation from a life-destroying nuclear incident, touching everything and making it all complicated - he cannot help but wish that it wasn’t there, or that it was there more, or something. That Lister loved him less, or that Rimmer loved him more, or that there was anything, anything at all, that Lister could do to change that.

But there isn’t, and he hasn’t got a hope in hell of Rimmer ever acknowledging affection without yelling got you afterwards, so he’d better just - stop bothering, really. Lister sighs, and smoothes his shirt over his stomach. He doesn’t care that Rimmer doesn’t want to care. He’s fine about it.

He hears his own brain make the game show noise. In a fit of pique, he removes one vile sock and throws it into the cleared space designed for the cots, and tries not to think about the hair-pulling sense of satisfaction he gets from listening to Rimmer yell at him.

#apologies for the delay! as ever i am working on it all slowly #thanks for the prompt anon! hope u enjoy this slightly loose interpretation thereof #red dwarf #rimster #this is your captain speaking

[1tsnoya]

heyya bubby it's me again!! i love how u wrote my last request thank uuu :DDD may i please request sum hcs of noya, suga, daichi, tsukki and asahi having an s/o who enjoys drinking but kinda have a low alcohol tolerance hehehe and how they take care of s/o after she gets drunk or is hungover,, thank uuu

a/n: HI BUBBY ILY <3<3<3

+ this is a long one so i added a mark!

✧･ﾟtaking care of their drunk s/o ✧･ﾟ headcanons

warning: alcohol (they’re all aged up!)

pairings: noya x reader, suga x reader, daichi x reader, tsukishima x reader, asahi x reader

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* :･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

noya

→ probably has a low tolerance too LOL

→ cmon this boy is like 112 pounds

→ you two usually come up with a plan before drinking

→ like who is gonna get absolutely shitfaced and who is gonna be the babysitter

→ you always agreed to be babysitter so you never rlly drank that much around noya

→ you just played it off like you werent too big of a drinker

→ eventually he noticed and was like “you’re LYING! you like drinking DON’T U??”

→ and the next party you guys go to, he tells you “just pls enjoy yourself, i’m good trust me”

→ so U DO JUST THAT

→ noya didnt know what he was in for...u were L I V I N G

→ dancing on tables n shit

→ he obvi joined in on that dancing cause u looked hot as hell

→ but then he realized how drunk u really were and told u like “lets get you home cause u will regret this in the morning”

→ held your hand the entire walk to the car bc u were ✨tumbling✨

→ very playful with you when you’re tipsy

→ also very protective of you. makes sure that NO ONE fucks with you

→ when you get home he makes sure to make life a lot easier for your drunk ass PFFTFP

→ he’ll get you your pajamas and cuddle you til you fall asleep

suga 

→ i get the vibe that suga loves drinking! 

→ he is super cautious when he drinks with you around

→ you two are def the type to just drink at home together

→ *that’s how he found out that your tolerance was low

→ big wine drinkers

→ like he’ll bring a bottle of wine home and you guys will down the entire thing while watching a movie

→ and then you make fun of the movie

→ any and every thing will make you two laugh

→ suga always keeps an eye on you when you’re drinking

→ and he’s always by your side

→ like he knows your limit and usually keeps note of how many drinks you’ve had throughout the night

→ makes sure you have food and water in ur system too

→ oh and when you two get drunk together at home, a FEAST is made

→ most of the time it’s not even that good cause you guys are shitfaced but you still enjoy it

→ baby is on TOP of it if you have a hangover you already know it-

daichi

→ not that big on drinking

→ but when he does drink...

→ wooowww chile anyway so

→ side note: he’s is a PRO at beer pong

→ anywho

→ since he doesn’t drink that much, he usually babysits you

→ call him dad(dy) or whateva🙈

→ like suga, he’ll keep an eye on your intake and usually knows when you get tipsy

→ *if ur at a party - he’ll just keep an eye on you from a distance

→ he kind of already had a feeling that you were a light weight

→ so when you start getting a little too drunk, he’ll step in and tug at your arm

→ daichi: “babe..hun..it’s time to go”

→ y/n: “psshhpft- the paaarty’s jusy sstarting daaaad”

→ daichi: >:| “okay but there’s a party home remember?”

→ he has to baby you LMFAO

→ he has to buckle you up in the car and make sure you’re drinking water

→ and when you fall asleep 👉🏼👈🏼 he carries you inside

→ helps you change into your jammies, if you’re wearing makeup, he’ll help you take it off, etc.

→ then he tucks you into bed and gives you a lil kithy

→ daichi: “you’re gonna hate yourself in the morning :)”

→ meanwhile you’re knocked out

→ but whatever he said was true, you were FEELING IT when you woke up

→ dw though, he helps you out with your hangover<3

tsukishima

→ he had to find out the hard way about your low tolerance

→ he loves you and all but he does not wanna deal with ur shit when ur drunk-

→ still does anyway

→ like he’ll watch you from afar while he’s drinking from a red solo cup😭

→ he probably handles hit alcohol SUPER well

→ so when he sees you, dancing around and a little too happy, he knows it’s time to bounce

→ tsuki: “(y/n)”

→ y/n: “TSUKI!”

→ tsuki: “ready to go?”

→ cue the pouting

→ as much as he doesn’t want to, he has to baby you and dumb everything down HSHSH

→ he is a huge tease when you’re tipsy though. like he enjoys messing with you

→ don’t worry doe... he still takes care of you and shit

→ he’s also very protective of you

→ like.. very

→ if anyone looks at you weirdly or whatever, all he has to do it look at them and they’ll get the hint

→ y/n: “baaabbyyy”

→ tsuki: “mhm?”

→ y/n: “why are we leeaving”

→ tsuki: “cause you’re tired remember?”

→ y/n: “oh.. oh yeah!”

→ and in his head, he’s just “oh ok... i guess that worked”

→ once you get home, he’ll help you change and just put you to bed

→ like i said earlier, he’s not good with tolerating drunk ppl LMAO

→ he just let’s you rest so he doesn’t get annoyed with you and make you upset

asahi

→ he is a NERVOUS WRECK WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK

→ like he’s babysitting you but at the same time you’re babysitting him

→ people think he’s super intimidating at the party but he’s just 👉🏼👈🏼anxious👉🏼👈🏼

→ y/n: “babbey, come onn!”

→ asahi: •—• “o-okay-”

→ he follows you around like a lost puppy-

→ even though you’re obviously out of it

→ tbh he lets you decide when you wanna go home. unless you just pass out, it’s your choice

→ if he thinks that you’re too drunk (like i’m talking SUUUPER drunk) he’ll just say “um. come on..let’s go home pls🥺”

→ cause let’s be real here. he does not wanna argue with you when are wasted

→ back to this anxious thing

→ he’ll hold your hand the entire walk from the car to your house

→ and if you’re just not cooperating, he’ll throw you over his shoulder HA

→ helps you out until you get to your room

→ and then he gets you something to eat

→ if you wanted fast food on the drive back, he probs stopped to get it😭

→ sigh he’s just.. a nervous mom with a toddler

→ after you eat, he’ll get you your stuff to change and help you get comfy

→ once you knock out, he knocks out with you

→ lowkey over it when you wake up but still treats you like a baby HSJSH

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #hq!! #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #hq #haikyuu oneshot #yuu nishinoya #yuu nishinoya x reader #nishinoya x reader #sugawara kōshi #sugawara koshi x reader #sugawara x reader #suga x reader #daichi sawamura #daichi #daichi sawamura x reader #daichi x reader #tsukishima kei #tsukishima #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x reader #asahi x reader #asahi #hq asahi #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #suga #sugawara

[morganaspendragonss]

So many questions, so little answers...why Gwyn and TK sit so far away from each other, why Gwyn looks annoyed and like she is about to attend a wedding, not spending time with her injured son at home, big contrast between them with TK in his pajamas (he looks so cute and cozy)

okay my thoughts will be in my breakdown which will be posted momentarily (there are two posts - one general and one for whump 😌) but i think that's just how gwyn dresses. she's almost always dressed formally

thing is like tk's pyjamas look weirdly hospitally and i don't get why if he's at home??? i mean maybe the boy just has jammies like those but if that's the case then i am judging him very harshly

#holly answers things #anonymous #s3 chat

[drummergirl231-2]

Weirdly detailed DuckTales dream last night:

So I had a dream that new episodes were back, and the opening sequence got changed to one kind of like the one in “Quack Pack!” where each character had like their own title card or whatever that showed the character, their name, and weirdly, their exact age. 

I missed Donald’s but when it showed Della’s it said she was 37 and I was like, “Wait, Frank said in between seasons 2 and 3 that their current age is 36... when did they have their birthday?”

And then Beakley was like, 90. And I was like: 0.o I figured if she was young in the late 1960s she’d be in her early 70s in the show. 

Anyway when the episode started they were throwing a surprise party for Webby on her birthday. Dewey was majorly struggling to get a giant wall decal to stick to the wall that said how much they love Webby, and it also called her cousin Webby so it was officially declared in the show that’s how they think of her and I could almost hear the band play as the ships went down (no ship war comments or reblogs please). But I also remember thinking, really? Cousin and not sister? Not that I necessarily think it should’ve been sister. I was just surprised at how specific they were being, really.

Also Della was in her jammies and she wore a long button-up shirt kinda like Webby’s jammies only Della’s was like a pale blue-green (almost white) with teal vertical stripes. I remembered the time someone asked me on here what I thought Della’s pjs were like and I imagined women’s pajama shorts with little stars and a graphic tee that doesn’t match. So seeing Della in a button up shirt kinda closer to what Donald and Scrooge wear to bed kinda killed the headcanon but I was like, ya know? I can work with this.

Anyway, then Scrooge gave Webby his present to her and it was paperwork showing that she was in his will as an equal co-heir with the boys, only she started to look kinda sad and he was like, “What’s the matter? I thought you’d be happy,” and she was like, “I just... I didn’t realize you’d be going so soon,” and I was like, that’s weird... just because he’s changing his will to include you doesn’t mean he’s dying now. Am I missing something here? 

But I also thought it was weird because Frank once said there’s no way Scrooge actually has a will for real because he doesn’t think he’ll ever die. And so I was like, okay, Frank must have been exaggerating, or maybe this is like when he said Donald and Della hatched from the same egg but then he later changed his mind and said they hatched from different eggs. It’s weird how in the dream I was recalling actual real life Tumblr things.

But I remember watching all this and thinking, this episode is such fan service... Scrooge basically declaring on paper that he views Webby as an equal member of his family as the boys, Della pj reveal, the boys declaring they view Webby as family, specific ages being shown, angsty thoughts of Scrooge not being invincible or immortal... and yet still so much of the dream didn’t make sense. 

I also dreamed I figured out how to make a dairy-free mac ‘n’ cheese sauce (I literally got nutritional yeast in the mail yesterday so I’m very excited to try that irl) and I opened the freezer and found a whole row, just boxes and boxes, of Chloe’s dark chocolate pops I’d forgotten I bought (in the dream... sadly I don’t have any in real life).

So like, DuckTales, allergen-free foods... not a bad dream. Just a little trippy in some parts.

#ducktales 2017 #ducktales season 3 #weird dream

[thanksjro]

Last Stand of the Wreckers, Issue #1: A Couple of Nerds Nerd it Up

The year is 2009, and you are a British man in his mid-30s. You were a part of a fan club for Transformers in the 90’s, and you wrote a lot of fanfiction and comic scripts for it. The only real claim to fame you have is a novel-length fic you wrote to try and bridge the gap between Generation 1 and the Beast War era, one that a lot of people have read and refer back to. You’re pretty content with that, and don’t try to break into any sort of writing career on your own. You have a job in public service, you have a family.

 One day, your old buddy Nick gets in contact. He wants some help with a story he’s working on for the current holder of the Transformers comics. It’s called Last Stand of the Wreckers.

Things are about to get very busy for you.

I’ll go ahead and say it- not any mechpreg in this one. You gotta wait until the sequel series for things to get weirdly horny, sorry to say. Also, technically only a plotting credit for Roberts here.

We hadn’t yet gotten to the point where he was allowed to rub his grubby little nerd hands all over everything.

So, let’s get to the nitty-gritty of this thing, shall we?

Our story opens on a lovely, sunshiney day on the beautiful Garrus-9.

Perfect weather for a picnic, don’t you agree?

Fortress Maximus and his cohorts are hard at work defending against the Decepticon forces, who have launched an attack on just about everything in the galaxy. This event is happening in the background of All Hail Megatron, as part of an offensive attack under the orders of ol’ Buckethead himself.

Kick-Off, another Autobot at Garrus-9, thinks that this is the work of someone on the inside, and Fort Max wants his prison intact for when they find the rat bastard who caused all this mess to happen, so he can lock that son of a gun up for a long, long time.

Then Overlord shows up.

There he is, the nastiest creature to grace the galaxy, a bitch so extra he’s apparently got to cycle through BOTH of his alt-modes before he lands on the scene to wreck shop.

Prior to Last Stand of the Wreckers, Overlord didn’t really have a whole lot going on. It’s a big part of why he was made the antagonist for this miniseries- nobody else was using him, so no risk of fudging up any continuity happening outside of it. Prior to this, he was mostly part of the Japanese Transformers scene, appearing in the Super-God Masterforce anime and manga. He had a reputation for being a bad dude there too, but not quite to the level we’ll be getting to here.

Also, he was actually two people, who were married. He is not a married couple in Last Stand of the Wreckers.

Overlord asks which one of the much weaker, smaller, and less terrifyingly kissable Decepticons is in charge, and Skyquake steps up, despite the fact that everyone is obviously nervous about the fact Overlord is here. Overlord lets Skyquake know that the plan Megatron came up with is out, and he’s got the new hotness that’ll really put Garrus-9 on a map labelled “Places That Are the Actual Worst.” Of course, Skyquake, who seems to think a guy named Overlord can be reasoned with, says that they can’t deviate from Megatron’s grand plan, and promptly is shot to death for his troubles.

And that’s a series wrap on Skyquake! Let’s give him a hand, folks!

With the little dude out of the way, Overlord’s decided it’s time to go full cowl on the Autobots, ripping them limb from limb. Literally, in some cases. It’s pretty gruesome, but then again, that’s kind of the point. This is a pretty dark miniseries, and not just because of all the violence- but we’ll get to all that later on.

With the Autobots subdued, it’s time for Overlord to really strut his stuff. He releases all the Decepticon prisoners, and promises them a grand old time of torturing their former captives. As a show of good will…? he throws them Fort Max to play with, saying that the only rule is they have to at least TRY to not kill him.

Smash cut to two years, four months, later.

Some nerds just got put on the Wreckers, and they truly are the cream of the crop.

Garrus-9’s gonna be in good hands.

The dude who’s totally copping Optimus Prime’s look is Pyro, and the little dude with the blue helmet and tragic backstory is Ironfist. There’s also Dipstick, but this isn’t about him.

Just as things look like they can’t get any more exploded, their ride shows up, and it’s time to go. They say they’ll catch Dipstick later, but that’s honestly pretty unlikely, given the nature of the Wreckers as a group.

The boys load up into the ship, but find something not quite to their expectations- instead of Ultra Magnus being there to greet them, it’s none other than Verity Carlo, human extraordinaire!

And she’s in her jammies. No real point in getting dressed for a bunch of guys who don’t even understand the concept of nudity, I guess, though I do have to question how vacuum sealed her breasts are.

Unless Verity is one of those godless heathens who actually owns an underwire sports bra.

The boys react to their first human in different ways- Ironfist has his parental instincts kick in hard, immediately ready to protect and potentially die for Verity. The others are a little less impressed, claiming that she’s some sort of stowaway who Magnus only puts up with because she’s good at playing house.

Kind of weird that these giant robots are so good at sexism, seeing as at this point, none of them should even know what a woman is.

This is the point where the big guns come in to greet our boys.

So, here’s the deal: Garrus-9’s been out of contact with the rest of the Autobots for over a year at this point, and it was recently revealed by a mole in the Decepticon Justice Division that anyone getting even remotely close to the planet has been shot down. The destruction of the space bridges means that only a few folks are able to get to the place- cue the Wreckers.

Our boys have been chosen because they’ve done a lot of good work, and protected those around them. It’s an honor to be a Wrecker, but there’s always a catch:

I’m sure it’ll be fine!

Flashback to two years ago, back on Garrus-9, and Overlord’s really enjoying his time on the prison planet, hunting Autobots for sport and scaring the bejesus out of everyone by popping out of nowhere.

This is a typical reaction to seeing Overlord when he DOESN’T intend to kill you. The guy’s a menace.

Looks like they caught their prey, and they’re feeling pretty good about it. What a nice thing for them, I’m glad they’re having fun.

How does this guy know where he’s going? His chest’s so tall.

Our Autobot isn’t going down without a fight, though, as he takes the spear they’re stabbing him with and gives the ‘Cons a taste of their own medicine.

For about two seconds anyway, then he gets wasted by Overlord.

Of course, Overlord’s an equal-opportunity sadist, and also blasts the two guys who let a wounded Autobot get the better of them. With the game concluded and a valuable lesson taught, the Decepticons retire to the base, Overlord ordering the tall-chested guy- Snare- to bring the Autobot for recycling, something that Snare doesn’t seem terribly thrilled to do.

Seriously though, has this dude ever seen his feet?

Back on Ultra Magnus’ ship, Ironfist’s gone and passed out. When he wakes up, he’s surrounded by the rest of the boys, who are really concerned about his well-being. Aww, it’s sweet that they care so much about their buddy.

Ironfist brushes off the concern, saying that he’s fine, and then we’re introduced to his deep, dark, horrible secret.

He’s a massive fucking nerd.

And so are the guys who worked on this story. T’muk, indeed. Also, this robot has... my word, are those fingerprints? Roche, you spoil us.

Ironfist writes datalogs on the Wreckers in his spare time under the screen name Fisitron - Wreckers: Declassified, it’s called. Which, you know, good for him.

Well this panel’s art direction isn’t ominous AT ALL.

Springer enters the scene at this point, also very concerned about Ironfist, to an honestly interesting degree. Almost like he knows something. Ironfist, again, brushes it off. Kup notes that Springer seems like he’s got something on his mind, which he does.

That something is the fact that he’s most likely sending these boys to die, as is the nature of the Wreckers.

Kup points out that it always feels worse when people die under your personal command, then asks if Springer’s conscience is being weighed on by Impactor at all. Springer seems like he really doesn’t want to talk about Impactor. Before the conversation can get any more soaked in implications, the two are called to the bridge.

A flashback to a month prior on Garrus-9: Overlord watches as Kick-Off brutalizes a Decepticon, Borehole, in combat for his amusement. It seems like Kick-Off’s done pretty well for himself in the nightmare hellscape that is Garrus-9, though it’s probably because he’s running on basic survival instincts at this point as opposed to any actual enjoyment of what’s happening around him.

Kick-Off wins the fight by ripping Borehole’s head off.

That’s pretty metal. Most of what happens on Garrus-9 is pretty metal. Not in a good way. But metal nonetheless.

With the fight finished, Overlord congratulates the victor, and invites him back to his quarters to pick out his prize. Kick-Off seems to be off in his own little world at this point, probably disassociating due to trauma.

Back with the Wreckers, we finally see Ultra Magnus, Verity’s put a shirt on- likely at Magnus’ request- and we see what Springer and Kup were called to the bridge for. Looks like a Decepticon ship’s been shooting out a distress signal, and it ain’t lookin’ so hot at present. Ultra Magnus attempts to hail, but it looks like too little, too late, as the thing’s hull integrity goes kaput and the whole thing explodes.

Seems like the end of that, right?

Nah.

Wow, that sure seems like it’ll be a problem. Better shoot that mysterious figure to death before they can be recognized by the cast and cause a whole slew of issues.

Aw, man! Too late. Looks like someone broke out of jail, and nobody is happy to see him.

With that character reveal, we end Issue #1 of Last Stand of the Wreckers.

#transformers #jro #last stand of the wreckers #issue 1 #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #story plotting #wreckers trilogy

[hoodieimp]

Sammy Lawrence for unpopular opinion? (have a feeling it might relate to DCTL asdjkls)

Wow, Banjo Man was a real popular choice huh fdjfhdsjfhdj

favorite thing about them: His voice, natch

least favorite thing about them: The fact that the writers went to all the trouble of bringing him back in the final chapter only to Immediately kill him off again after five pointless minutes of fighting--

favorite line: That very first “I said...can I get an amen?” got me Real Bad back when I first played Chapter 2...also “Come here and put your face in my axe!” makes me giggle (but in a more “hysterical and terrified” kinda way)

BROTP: Senry....I might not be Super into them as a romantic couple but I Do like the thought of them being Friends at least

OTP: Jammy/Sammyjack all the way babey!! though I will say that Moss’s take on Senry is Def growing on me djfdfhsdj

NOTP: Samsie (in canon, at least...there are a few fan interpretations that’re pretty damn cute though), Sammy x Joey (just...no), 

random headcanon: He still has teeth and a tongue post-Inking, but they’re extremely gross and stained-looking. No I will not explain how or why. 

unpopular opinion: Surprisingly, this DOESN’T have to do with DCTL (though I’m sure most of us can agree that DCTL!Sammy is....extremely Yikes dsjfd)...I’ve never really liked Sammy’s updated design all that much. Sure, it’s a lot smoother-looking and more detailed (and his animations are fantastic) but honestly? giving him more “realistic” anatomy doesn’t really make sense to me?? Like when Chapter 2 first came out, I always assumed that Sammy and the Searchers were meant to be one and the same, hence Sam’s weirdly long torso and complete lack of feet....but then the updated Searchers were made a lot more drippy and cartoonishly proportioned, while Sammy was just. a regular dude covered in ink. Why not make him Noodley to match?

song I associate with them: “Sacrificial Lamb” by Those Poor Bastards!

favorite pic of them: 

just..this pose...the hands....makes me think he’s saying “Oooh, how delightful~!” or something along those lines jdfhdjfhdsj

(Send me a character!)

#sammy lawrence #bendy and the ink machine #asks #ask meme anything #sorry these took so long to answer....i've been out helpin w groceries n making gingerbread all day fjdf #thewiglesswonder #arcadequeerz #theamazinglei

[not-close-to-straight]

Sun’s Up, Buns Up (SWS #67)

This Sundays with Spideypool is based on THIS PROMPT by @spideypool-prompts! 

SUNDAYS WITH SPIDEYPOOL MASTERLIST HERE! ***********************

“Sun’s up, buns up baby boy.” Wade patted at Peter’s butt playfully, then laughed when the kid automatically stuck his ass in the air and wiggled it invitingly. “Not that you aren’t ridiculously cute wearing my jammie pants, but we got things to do today, so up and at ‘em.” 

“I am up and at ‘em.” Peter’s complaint was muffled in the pillows, but the way his hand disappeared into the front of the flannel pajamas made his meaning abundantly clear. “You get up and at ‘em.”

“I slept next to you last night.” Wade lay a very soft kiss on Peter’s shoulder blade. “I have been up and at ‘em for about six solid hours.” 

“That was a weirdly sweet thing to say.” Peter finally peeked up at him from behind a pile of sleep mussed hair. “I mean, it was definitely weird, but also sort of sweet in a terrible, horny way.” 

“Okay, well at least I didn’t shove my ass in the air the moment I woke up!” Wade defended, smacking at the aforementioned booty hard enough to make it jiggle. “Be a little less of a bottom, Pete.” 

“Bold words coming from someone who has yet to bend me over and fuck me stupid.” Peter was back to mumbling in the pillows, burrowing back under the covers and closing his eyes tight. “I can’t be a bottom if there’s no one on top.” 

“Wow.” Wade felt around beneath the blankets for Peter’s foot and yanked him right off the bed and onto the floor and Peter shrieked at the top of his lungs at suddenly being cold. “Look at you being a cranky pants on a Sunday morning!”

“Take my pants off and I won’t be cranky!” Peter challenged and then shrieked again when Wade ripped the flannel right off and chucked it towards the other side of the room. “Maybe put your money--” It was hard to be sassy when they were naked, but damn it did Peter try. “-- where your mouth is and--” he oophed as Wade rolled so Peter was on top. “-- make me a little less--” 

“Oh my god, shut up!”Wade said in exasperation and Peter’s laugh cut off abruptly against a messy kiss. “I’ll put a five dollar bill over my dick if you put your mouth where my money is.” 

“Wade.” It was laughably easy for Peter to reposition so Wade was back on top, tapping into the barest bit of his Spidey strength to get the mouthy merc where he wanted. “This is the worst sexy times negotiation I’ve ever been apart of.” 

“Which is saying something--” Wade gave up trying to get Peter back on top of him and flailed wildly about looking for their lube instead. “--since your ex is Harry and he is the literal worst.” 

“Maybe let’s not talk about Harry when we’re naked.” 

“Yeah, that’s fair.” 

******************

“So speaking of Harry....” Wade said casually, oh so casually after they’d finished and showed and got into enough clothes to go out for breakfast. 

“We aren’t speaking of Harry.” Peter frowned at him over a bite of breakfast burrito. “We’re never speaking of Harry, babe. Never do I ever want to have a conversation over breakfast about my ex boyfriend. What’s wrong with you?” 

“Well I just--” Wade cleared his throat a few times until Peter flicked a piece of cheese at him to make him stop. “-- I mean, you were with him a long time.” 

“Three years.” Peter confirmed. “We done with this now?” 

“And I was just wondering--” Wade continued desite Peter’s groan of annoyance. “-- how long it was with him before you started the mating dance of the beast with two backs. Like when did you start that whole two step tango? The clothing optional shenanigans? The game of toss and catch where the only glove is a condom and there are four balls?” 

“Four balls-- ” Peter turned bright red. “WADE! Just say sex!” 

“Why would I say sex when there are so many wonderful--” 

“--terrible--”

“--euphimisms for it?” 

“Because we’re in public?” Peter pointed out, scarlet to the tips of his ears. “And I never want you to call it clothing optional shenanigans again?” 

“Noted. So how long was it?” Wade took a bite of his own food so he wouldn’t seem quite so anxious. “Because we’ve been doing this adorable little rom-com bullshit for like five months, seventeen days and a handful of hours and I have yet to--” Wade made a motion crude enough to make orange juice come out of Peter’s nose. “You know?” 

“Fuck me, I’m going to be breathing orange juice for a week.” Peter wheezed, snatching at some napkins. “What the fuck!” 

“Sorry about the citrus in the ol’ nose canal.” Wade said blandly. “But serious talk, sweet cheeks. What’s going on? We’ve done everything else, but not that yet and I’m wondering why. Is it me? Is it you? Trust issues? Commitment issues? Do I need to propose? Because I will. I will propose right the hell now, don’t you tempt me.” 

“Please god, don’t propose.” Peter held up his hand to stop Wade’s rambling, but then-- “I mean, don’t propose yet.” 

“Yeah?” Wade raised an eyebrow and Peter smiled a little shyly before continuing--

“Its not anything... big. You haven’t really made a move towards that, so I haven’t either.” he shrugged. “I figured we were just waiting.” 

“I haven’t made a move.” Wade blinked at him. “I haven’t-- Pete, do you remember this morning?” 

“When you patted my ass and said suns up, buns up instead of good morning like a normal boyfriend?” Peter asked sarcastically. “Yeah, I remember.” 

“No I meant the slidey naked times that happened after my spectacularly clever greeting.” Wade scooped most of the hash browns of Peter’s plate. “Was that not enough of a move for you?” 

“Yeah, I guess.” Peter shrugged half heartedly. “But I mean, handjobs are different than real sex. I figured if you wanted real sex you’d do something different.” 

“Something different.” Wade repeated and narrowed his eyes at Peter. “So it’s my job to make a move towards real sex?” 

“Yes.” Peter pointed his fork at Wade when he came back for more hash browns. “That’s exactly what I mean.” 

“Why is it my job?” Wade whined. “Why can’t you be a needy little bottom and beg for it?” 

“Call me a needy little bottom again, and you’re gonna have to go back to fucking your plushie on Tuesday nights.” Peter warned. “Don’t push it, Wade.” 

“Oh yeah?” Wade’s voice suddenly had a weird note to it. “You uh-- not always a needy little bottom, huh? Not every time?” 

“What?” Peter frowned.”No. No, I’m not always needy.” 

“Right, right.” A quick nod. “That’s what I meant.” 

“You’re being weird about this.” 

“You’re the one who thinks handjobs aren’t real sex, Peter pumpkin. Let’s be careful about who is calling who weird, huh?” 

“Oh my god.” 

*******************

“You wanna be on top?” Wade asked one night as they were making out and Peter paused, then nodded and wiggled out from beneath Wade to straddle his waist. 

“Yeah, is this okay?” 

“Uh, yep.” Wade wasn’t going to say he was disappointed because boy howdy did Wade Jr. perk the fuck up having that solid Spidey-weight settled on top of him, but it hadn’t been exactly what he meant. 

Still good though. Still good.

*******************

“Shit.” Wade gasped when Peter shoved him up against the wall, then made a noise that was less a gasp and more of an embarrassingly high pitched whine when Peter pushed him to his knees. “Jesus Christ, baby boy.” 

“You look good down there.” Peter sort of--sort of growled like he was testing it out and Wade may or may not have came in his pants. 

Thank god for costumes that more or less camoflauged that sort of thing. 

So good. So so good.

*******************

“We’re out of lube.” Peter announced and Wade shrugged and then Peter said, “Guess I could just eat you out, huh?” and Wade almost choked on his own tongue so Peter backpedaled into-- “Or not. That’s fine. Sorry, I didn’t know if you’d like that or not. Some tops do, sorry.” 

Wade was still trying to find his brain so he didn’t manage a comment, but Peter was getting naked anyway so it didn’t matter. 

They needed to revisit that conversation ASAP.

******************

“Wade what are you--” 

“Ouch! That was my thigh!” 

“--stop wriggling!” 

“Why the hell are you sitting like that!” 

“You said you wanted me on top!” 

“Yeah, so why are you not on top!?” 

“You keep spreading your legs when I try to sit on you!” 

“So don’t sit on me then!” 

“Oh, should I just lay down on top of you and flop around like a fish? Yeah, that sounds real sexy.” 

“....wait, what? Did you say fish? How did we get on fish? I’m not pescatarian Pete, fish don’t do it for me.” 

“That’s not what pescatarian mean, babe.” 

“I don’t care what it means! Would you figure out what the hell you’re doing, please?” 

“We really need to have a talk about who goes where in this thing.” 

“Okay but can we talk about it after I had a chance to come, because even though you can’t figure out how to get on top, Wade Jr is still very invested.” 

“I hate you.” 

“No you don’t.”

“Ugh. No I don’t.” 

********************

The bedroom door broke when Peter pushed at it, he and Wade stumbling over their feet trying to get to the bed because they weren’t willing to stop kissing long enough to see where the hell they were going. 

Peter hit the bed first, scrambled onto stomach and shoved his ass into the air--

--and looked next to him to see Wade doing exactly the same thing.

“What--” 

“How the--” 

“Well, I mean we both can’t be like this.” 

“Right. Wade looked-- did he look disappointed?-- and Peter looked-- well maybe a little resigned?-- but once they were naked the awkward moment was mostly forgotten and it still wasn’t real sex (not according to Peter anyway) but it was still great and Wade was pretty sure he was seeing stars and Peter was just as wrecked laying next to him, so they let it go. 

It was fine.

********************

Peter paced back and forth outside of Wade’s apartment for a good twenty minutes psyching himself up for what was sure to be a very awkward conversation. 

“Hey babe, so I know we’ve been trying to find the right time to actually have sex, but before we do there’s something I’d like to talk to you about.” he said under his breath, and then shook his head. “No, that’s terrible. Sounds like I’m going to tell him I have a disease.” 

“Hey Wade, we should flip heads or tails for who is bottoming.” Peter shook his head again. “Nope, so stupid. He’d laugh at me then tell me to assume the position.”

He paced some more, going over various scenarios in his head, various conversation starters, trying to figure out a way to tell Wade in the nicest way possible that Peter wanted to fuck him absolutely stupid. 

“Well, I definitely can’t say that.” he muttered. “Maybe we can trade? Maybe he’ll let do it our second time, he can top this time and maybe he’ll bottom for me another--ARGH!” 

Frustrated with being so anxious over something so simple, knowing damn well Wade would probably say yes just because he never ever said no, Peter took a deep breath and let himself into the apartment. 

“Babe?” he called when he didn’t see Wade at first. “Are you home?” 

A noise from the bedroom and Peter dropped his backpack on the floor to head that way, knocking lightly on the partly open door and poking his head around to say--

--well to say absolutely nothing at all,  because Wade definitely wouldn’t hear him over how loud he was moaning Peter’s name, arching off the bed with his legs splayed and eyes shut and working a thick toy in an unsettling shade of neon purple in and out of his body hard enough that Peter could hear the squelch and slick of every push. 

“Pete...” Wade moaned and Peter’s knees about gave out. “Ah ah ah fuck me babe, come on come on fuckin’ wreck me fuckfuckfuck--” 

He might have screamed in alarm when there was suddenly a body on top of him, but it took about half a second for Wade to realize the body was in fact Peter, and it took another half a second for him to realize Peter was naked and oh yay Wade tossed the toy away and the noise Peter made when he could stroke into Wade without even having to stretch him was just fucking wonderful. 

Super stamina and lightning fast refractory periods were also just fucking wonderful because Wade was coming almost the second Peter bottomed out inside of him and Peter wasn’t usually a quick shooter, but he also wasn’t usually balls deep inside his boyfriend either after watching the same boyfriend fuck himself on a toy while moaning Peter’s name. 

Yes, super stamina and lightning fast refractory periods were wonderful, because when Peter flipped Wade over onto all fours and drove back into him both of them were fully ready to go another round, Peter as hard as he’d ever been, Wade still not exactly sure why or how this was happening but fully onboard for the ride of his life.  

And later, after Wade had bruises on his waist from Peter holding him too tight and the headboard had cracked when Wade had shouted harder and Peter had taken him harder--

--later they flopped back on the bed and Peter was too delirious to complain about having to lay in the wet spot and Wade was halfway to comatose from that second orgasm, and Peter started laughing first, throwing his arm over his eyes and cracking up laughing because honestly, what the fuck.

“What the fuck, Wade?” he laughed out loud. “You like to bottom?” 

“I like to bottom for you.” Wade corrected, feeling around blindly for a half discarded bottle of water. “Just figured topping wasn’t your sort of thing.” 

“You trying to say I act like a bottom?” Peter teased, propping up on one elbow and attempting a sweet kiss on Wade’s forehead. “Is that what you’re saying?” 

“I’m saying you power squat in spandex.” Wade pointed out. “And one night you compared the size of our hands and told me how big mine were while batting your eye lashes. The first time I called you baby boy, you almost creamed yourself. Also, no one has an ass like this that doesn’t like to get railed. Yes, you look like a bottom.” 

“That’s fair.” Peter admitted. “And I figured you were too toppy to bottom.” 

“Now you’re just making up shit.” Wade complained, dragging Peter down against his body and holding him tight. “That’s against the rules.” 

“You’re obsessed with my ass.” Peter started counting off on his fingers. “You eat me out like you’re fucking starving for it. Every day you point out at least three surfaces I’d look great bent over and you always always make me sit on your lap. You’re toppy.” 

“I outweigh you by a hundred pounds.” Wade countered. “It just makes sense for you to sit on my lap. And for the record, straight guys would want dat ass, have you seen your butt, Pete? And just because I say you’d look good bent over something doesn’t mean I’m thinking about dicking you down on it, maybe I was begging for compliments. Maybe I wanted you to say I would look good bent over that counter too.” 

“Never in a million years would I have thought you wanted to get bent over a counter.” Peter declared and when Wade made a face, he leaned close and murmured, “But now that I know different, I’ll make sure it happens, yeah?” 

“Yes please.” Wade stretched out against the pillows, wincing at the soreness in his core. “Were you this rough with Harry?” 

“I never topped with Harry.” Peter informed him, and then-- “No talking about exes while we’re naked.” 

“My bad.” Wade peered at him curiously. “Never?” 

“Never.” 

“Homeboy was missing out.” 

“I know, right? I’m excellent at this sort of thing.” 

**********************

**********************

“Call it in the air.” Wade said, tossing a quarter up and Peter shouted “Heads!” just like he always did. 

“Heads.” Wade grinned when he picked the coin up off the floor.��“Looks like you get tops this morning, baby boy.”

“Damn right I get tops.” Peter stripped off his shirt and pushed Wade towards the bedroom. “Assume the position, babe. Suns up, buns up.”

*******************

COMMENT ON THE FIC HERE!

******************

@bethy-sue @thesmollestgay @babypinkbunny @lilwitchybee @kloudbby @shipeveryonetogether @shadowrayven @deppfan16 @hausoffro @plutoisstillsalty @thereaderandwriterwithin @thecat-theparrot-theonion @zerokrox-blog @zuretha-metal @hurricanesass @tstilcr @ulnusilmukka @kahowl-knight @oswolfpack @larissaloki @stuckony-stank @blackhearted @iona-laia @itsallyd @youarenewformetoo @megahuffledor @starks-avengers @tabziecat @stitchinaride @ceealaina @cwar1864 @trinidaddee @emogoddess24 @my-drowning-in-time @pidgist @yukina64 @words-aremy-weapons @psychobitchgonepsycho @little-big-mac2 @multishippinglife @susana0 @paranormalmoonlight5 @lullilt

#ncts fics #spideypool #sundays with spideypool #prompt fill #peter parker #wade wilson

[ayearofpike]

Spooksville #23: Phone Fear

Pocket Books, 1998 113 pages, 9 chapters ISBN 0-671-00271-6 LOC: CPB Box no. 1872 vol. 29 OCLC: 40402284 Released November 1, 1998 (per B&N)

When Bryce’s phone rings, and the caller demands he do horrible things to a local man or face consequences, the gang figures it’s a prank caller out to get them. But then Bryce gets hurt, and Adam gets the next call, and they know it’s serious. How could someone know everything about everybody everywhere at every time? Maybe it’s not someone, but someTHING, come to life and possessing a malevolent desire to undermine humanity.

As complex as this cover is, it’s a drastic oversimplification of the story within. I feel like here, and also with The Creepy Creature, we’re starting to get more of the genre expectation that there should be a gross green monster out to get the kids in the book. Also, notice how the characters on the covers are not as consistent as with the first few stories. Like, we hadn’t seen Charisma Carpenter show up before, and now she’s being attacked by some kind of telephone lizard.

It might fit with the huge jump in time we’re being expected to swallow, or perhaps Pike is glossing over it while nodding to the fact that it’s been two years since the start of this series. Because in the opening pages, we find that Adam and Cindy are now two-year Spooksville residents, getting used to the town but still plagued by its evil and quirkiness. So that means the kids are now fourteen? Pike doesn’t say, but they have to be, even though I’m fairly certain he marked them as twelve as recently as The Living Dead. (EDIT: They are still twelve on page ONE of The Creepy Creature, and they’re twelve AGAIN on page 31 of The Witch’s Gift. Obviously Pike just fucked up.) Still, even though time has been sort of glossed over for the last couple of titles, I think this jump might be too big to swallow. Makes me think Pike just wasn’t paying attention.

Still, we learn that the school year is almost over (which is, again, another big jump, as Pee-Pants was just wearing Santa jammies six books ago) and the kids are looking forward to summer. They’re discussing plans and hopes when Bryce’s phone rings. Why does a twelve fourteen-year-old have a cell phone in 1998? Well, he had one hidden before, so this might not be so weird. But the voice on the other end tells him to go break the postman’s windows. Obviously Bryce is not going to do that, but they decide to go warn the guy that someone is maybe out to get him. On the way, though, a black van races out of nowhere and jumps the curb and clips Bryce, breaking his leg.

They get their friend to the hospital and stabilized, but then start talking about who might be after them. Is it just one person? How did he move so quickly to know that Bryce wasn’t going to enact the evil action and have him punished? Why does he sound like a computer?  They try to go to the postman’s to do some research, but the guy isn’t answering his door. In fact, he blows out his own windows with a shotgun to scare the kids away and stop them going after him, like he knows something and is protecting himself. 

Adam is still holding onto Bryce’s phone, and it rings again as they’re walking away. This is his first experience hearing the voice: it’s oddly mechanical, like it’s being diffused through a computer somehow. The speaker identifies himself as Nernit, and tells Adam to go burn down some old lady’s house with her inside. Again, he obviously refuses, and this is when the gang is set upon by a strange girl in a long coat with a knife. After aliens and witches and demons and giant robot crabs, a teenage girl is no match for Sally and Cindy, who quickly disarm her. It turns out that she is, in fact, working for Nernit, and that she was sent here from a neighboring town just in case Bryce and Adam failed to carry out their tasks.

So it’s more than just local? Watch starts to put some pieces together. What is it that uses the phone line to communicate, and has a worldwide presence and a near-bottomless found of knowledge to draw from? Might it sound like a computer because it IS a computer? Or perhaps a network of computers, some kind of, I don’t know, international network? That pronounces its name “Nernit” because that’s how the speech-to-text program parses “Neernitt,” an anagram for Internet?

But now Watch is pretty sure he can get in touch with the being that has emerged from connectivity consciousness. He goes online and Googles whatever-search-engine-it-was-in-1998s “Neernitt,” which quickly leads to a black screen with red text talking directly to him. The presence refuses to talk or negotiate, insisting that humans are tools and not valued as equals to it. But Watch is pretty sure we have something Neernitt wants: a body. Autonomy. Freedom to get out of the computer and do something with our physical selves. Watch can give this to Neernitt, and of course it agrees.

There’s one catch: they have to produce the body in a week. We don’t have the know-how or the technology — but the Lemurians did, and it just so happens that they buried a robot at the end of the last book. Adam’s all salty about digging her up to befoul her final form with this megalomaniacal computer monster, but Watch feels it’s the only bargaining chip they have. And so he works nonstop with Bryce’s help over the course of a week. They don’t have anything else to do, because Neernitt’s minions are guarding the house so they can’t leave, with orders to shoot to kill if they try. (I guess what’s weird about this, what doesn’t fit with the rest of the series, is that it is so LATE getting to Spooksville. Normally the bizarre shit STARTS in this town.)

Adam is concerned that his friend is going over to the dark side. He sees only one hope: get hold of a gun somehow and take the robot body hostage so that they can get free and then ... what? He hasn’t really thought that far ahead, and if Neernitt is, indeed, global, there’s nowhere they can run that they can’t be traced and taken down. Still, it’s all he’s got. He swipes a weapon from a sleeping guard and points it at the robot head, which really only serves to make us all realize how expendable humans are to Neernitt. It quickly and remorselessly gains the upper hand, but before anyone can act in killing Adam, Watch leaps in the way. He insists that he needs to protect his friend, and that the project is not completeable without him, and so if Neernitt commands the shooting it will never have a body. So Neernitt concedes and lets the kids live. For now. (Weirdly, the girl with the long coat slept through the whole standoff.)

A couple days later, the body is ready, and Watch plugs it into the computer so Neernitt can download itself. Now it is free to roam and act however it likes — but first it commands the humans under its control to go rest. They end up gathering in Watch’s room, talking about what life is going to be like under the unmerciful claw of an all-seeing robot network. Watch is actually kind of interested in the idea of becoming a robot himself, though, and the new girl concurs that it could be pretty good. So they get up and go back to Neernitt, where Watch encourages him to unplug and go outside. Neernitt agrees that it’s time, on one condition: Watch must demonstrate how little he cares for a human body by shooting one of his colleagues.

He doesn’t hesistate: He picks up the provided rifle and blasts the new girl right in the chest. This is enough for Neernitt, who allows himself to be unplugged. But you know what that means? That means his consciousness is now limited to the robot body he is in, and tricksy Watch has built in an electromechanical overload circuit that allows him to short out the computer and effectively kill off the robot. So we’re all safe! But didn’t Watch just shoot a dude?

Yes — with a blank. (Fuckin’ Pike and his blanks, I swear to god.) It turns out that New Girl is the mastermind behind the whole thing. Neernitt isn’t a naturally occurring emerging consciousness, it’s a program, written by this girl to effect change and evolution upon humanity. Watch figured it out because of speech patterns and commonalities between them, and also that even though she was supposed to have been asleep during the standoff the computer in her room was on. She admits that she’s controlled Neernitt since the beginning. She’s tired of feeling things, of being hurt, and figures that if she were a robot she wouldn’t have to feel anymore. (There is NO backstory or exposition on any of this; just a teenager being moody, I guess.) But she is surprised to have started having GOOD feelings for Bryce, which Cindy does not care for at all. But now, maybe she’s ready to suck it up and deal with the pain of existence if it can go along with happy and warm feelings.

Does this end the same way as the previous one? Kinda, right? With the exception that THIS girl is not actually a robot, and she doesn’t die in the end. I didn’t think I’d see this in Spooksville, actually, but it parallels the Archway books in that Pike seems to see the writing on the wall and is winding himself down to complete the contract with the bare minimum of effort. There’s only one more book left in the series, and I’ve been led to understand it goes too quickly to effectlvely wrap things up. Let’s find out if he actually gives us the goddamn Watch backstory I’ve been wanting for twenty-three books. 

#spooksville #spookstober

[pollylynn]

Undercover—An “Almost Famous” (3 x 07) One-Shot Insert, NaFicWriMo #4

Title: Undercover

Rating: T

WC: ~850

Summary: “He’s staring.”

A/N: Insert for “Almost Famous.” Second in the Underoos Series? Curse you, @CoraClavia

He’s staring.

Even with her attention fixed on the heavy, erratic traffic, she can tell he’s staring. And it’s not like his normal staring. God knows she’s more than used to that. But this is something else. It’s not-staring. It’s . . . looking. It’s sidelong and furtive and since when is he furtive?

She makes a not-entirely-necessary lane change, complete with a safety-first shoulder check, and just barely catches him. His eyes sliding just barely past hers. Intently not-staring.

He probably wants her to ask. That’s probably what it’s about. A master plan to draw her into some inane argument. To make her defensive about whatever he thinks is worth not staring at.  The joke’s on him, though, because she’s not playing his game. She’s not asking. She’s not even noticing. She’s driving, and he can’t just . . .

“What?” she snaps.

“What what?” He blinks innocently. So fucking innocently that she can practically hear it.

“Don’t ‘what what’ me, Castle.” The light turns yellow just as she creeps into the intersection. She’s in the wrong lane, thanks to the lane change. Thanks to him, she’s trapped behind double-parked sociopaths and a line of delusionals who think they’re going to find street parking. She’s annoyed enough to jerk the wheel left and take it out on the accelerator. “You’ve been weird ever since I picked you up. You’ve been . . .”

“Watch it!” he bellows.

She whips her head back around just in time to see the stream of bachelorettes lurching out from between SUVs. She brakes hard, pitching them both forward against their seat belts. The tires squeal and the palms of the lead blonde come down on the hood of her cruiser with a meaty thump. Her plastic tiara flies into the windshield, then tumbles right back into her hands.

“Watch it, lady.” The glass muffles her slurred speech. She jams the tiara back on to her head. She tries to flip them the bird and fails. Her entourage follows suit, like a line of ducklings unsteady on their sparkly, strappy heels.

“You all right?” He turns toward her. He’s shaken, his left still arm flung out across her body as though to catch her. It’s a weirdly fatherly gesture for someone who’s been . . .

“Staring,” she blurts. She knocks his hand aside, alarmed at how close his fingers are to the scalloped lace edge of her top. “You were staring.”

“I’m always staring.” He shrugs as he pulls his arm back. A too-casual oversell. “It’s my job to stare at you, Detective.” He demonstrates, dragging his gaze upward. “To note you methods. Especially any . . . exciting new approaches.”  He lands on her cleavage. It’s not furtive at all.

She looks away. Clutches the wheel tight and wills herself not to blush as she creeps the car forward again, and thank God they’re there. She slides into a loading zone off the alley where a neon arrow points the way to the Package Store about halfway down.

He hands off the NYPD placard from the glove box before she even asks. He falls in step beside her, even though she’s pushing the pace, bleeding off some of her aggravation with long strides and the satisfying ring of her heels on the brick of the alley.

He hits the banged-up metal door half a stride before her. He steps into her path, apparently intent on chivalry, and it’s the last straw.

“It’s not an ‘exciting new approach’.” She slaps his hand away from the door’s heavy handle. “I’m undercover.”

“Not under much,” he mutters, leaning past her for the door again.

“Are you . . .” She gets in his face this time. Steps right into his path, furious. “Castle, are you actually slut shaming me?”

“Slut shaming?” He sounds amused. He looks her up and down, from bare knee to the sheer fabric of the long jacket billowing out behind her. “Hardly. Although . . .”

“Although?” She plants her fists on her hips. “Although what?”

“I just . . .” Something odd flicks across his face. Laughter. Amusement, but something else. “Are jammies standard at a male a strip club? I mean, it’s my first time, but I wouldn’t think the rules would be that different . . . ”

“Jammies!” she hisses. She clutches the silk edges of her cover-up tight across her chest. She’s furious with herself for even engaging. Even more furious to find herself stealing peeks down at herself, and goddamn . . . “I am not in my . . . this is not jammies.”

“Jammies isn’t right, I guess.” He tilts his head. “Chemise? Negligee? Peignoir? Or isn’t one the inner thing, and the other the outer thing? Is it a set?”

“It’s a dress, Castle.”  She forces her arms to uncross. Forces her shoulders back and her chin up as she yanks open the door, fuming as she waves him through. “A. Dress.”

“A dress.” He shrugs. Agrees without agreeing at all. “Too bad, I guess.”

“Too bad?” Her teeth come down hard on the tip of her tongue. She tastes blood, but it’s too late.

“I’m wearing mine.”  He says low in her ear as he brushes by. “Underneath.”

#Castle #Caskett #Castle: Season 3 #Castle: Almost Famous #Kate Beckett #Richard Castle #Fic #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Fan Fic #Fan Fiction #Writing #NaFicWriMo

[crossedbeams]

ROSE REVIEWS… THE X-FILES - S1.E8:  ICE

<< 1.6 The Ghost in the Machine ————————— 1.9 Space >>

What a week it has been! What a month in fact (because that’s how long ago I started this recap). Ice is one of my favourite early episodes which explains why this is longer than the combined beards of ZZ Top. Someone teach me self control? Please?

Go under the cut at your own peril, here there be worms.

The Plot

Some dudes playing with ice have gone radio silent and left a creepy message, Mulder and Scully get sent up to investigate with a ragtag team of socially inept scientists and then cut off by bad weather with some seriously suspect wormlike organisms, and more sexual tension than you can shake an oversized drillbit at.

My Stream of Semi-Consciousness

YAY! ICE!

I’m glad they start out with the dog just nommin on something spilled instead of one of the dead people. It makes it easier to root for him later which is good coz it’s a cute dog. Apparently it’s also Blue’s dad!

Then there’s what appears to be a disembodied limb in a box. Why I have no idea. but I am soon distracted by the entry of this dude who appears to have been scorched, stripped and then attacked in an incredibly symmetrical fashion by a pair of clawed ketchup bottles.

Like c'mon prop monkeys! Blood is NOT that colour and when did you last see someone with matching pectoral wounds (given it’s not sex related… probably). Also now I’ve been looking at it for too long and I feel like he has one nipple that is significantly bigger than the other and I’m having trouble moving past it.

And WHY is he shirtless. At what point in the whole fighting to the death in the ARCTIC was he like… wait mate… I need to take off this shirt off because #aesthetic.

Though to be fair I probably would.

Aaaaanyway

His radio makes more noises than the tardis.

We’re not who we are. Okay. We get it. But on a serious note do they ever actually discuss why he says this. Because I feel like grammatically it’s questionable and the space worms seem more into murdering each other than making dramatic speeches.

His assailant looks very heeeeere’s jack" and is wearing a shirt. I’m rooting  for him until they get into the worst duel ever. Don’t put your guns so close. This whole bit tbh. The worms seem to have very complicated motivations and choreography, Maybe they’re abstract prehistoric space worms. Am I making sense. I don’t think I’m making sense.

It’s okay though I can compose myself during the CREDITS.

This video from the dead science dudes is the dorkiest thing I have ever seen. There are quilted body warmers, pasted on smiles and overenthusiastic high fives. You can see why these guys are extras and not the series stars. But at least they were all having fun before they brutally killed one another.

Mulder and Scully are watching this video in a room with both a blackboard and a window. Where are they? Is the basement being cleaned? Is this Scully’s office? If so why does she have so many damn tables!

Why do people insist on digging into old ice/trenches/under the sea. It always ends badly. EVERY DAMN TIME. Cthulu is down there people. Or godzilla or some shit. Just leave it alone and make nachos. Much better.

Not to be pedantic (okay who am I kidding) but pretty sure the background here doesn’t match what was behind him in the scene.

It’s only 1993 goddamn and Gillian Anderson is already learning how to ruin us all with her exquisite face. We were all screwed from the first time someone pointed a camera at her. All her tiny facial nuances remind me of the queens of old Hollywood and the things they could do with a quirk of the lip.

Then Mulder squats down and grins at her and though he’s basically implying they’re being sent as sacrificial lambs he doesn’t seem too sad about the concept of being trapped in an igloo full of corpses with his partner. He goes from amused to gleeful when he tells his teeny partner to bring her mittens and I’m thinking Scully seems excessively perturbed at this stage… is she having a moment of forboding? Or does she just really hate Alaska? I mean this is pre Palin so there’s no good reason to be quite so down on it…

And heeeeere’s Denny

Not content with really loving rocks (geologist) and being called Denny he also likes to do this in public places.

Denny is not getting any.

I do miss cassettes though.

Enter small winterwear troll AKA Dana Scully in a jacket so big she may be wider than she is tall. Mulder in contrast appears to be wearing jammies, jeans and a jacket, which are - incidentally - my three style essentials. Well those three and a resting bitch face.

Mulder makes awkward chat about San Diego while Scully pulls a face like she didn’t used to live there and then the other scientists arrive and they engage in a charade worth of the Chuckle Brothers with IDs, “It’s me! It’s You!” Mulder even checks Scully in case, one assumes, somebody else was hiding in her coat and has leaped out to replace her since he introduced her to Denny less than 30 seconds ago. Possibly he just uses it as an opportunity to sniff her. He’s only human and I would… I also feel like at this point  the writers were overly concerned with linking back to “we’re not who we are” from earlier. Every single combination of the words “we”, “who”  and “are” is well and truly thrust in. And we’re only at 7.12.

Also hello Felicity Huffman.

“Two federal agents, a geologist, a medical doctor and a toxicologist” sounds like the beginning of the worst walked into a bar joke ever. It would have some incredibly scientific punchline probably involving the word ampule. I’d try and write it but… we I can’t be bothered!

Everyone is so weird and cagey. The script must have been full of side-eye instructions. A word to the wise - if you’re ever asked to go on a business trip where people are behaving like this, don’t go. It’s the start of a horror film and you will die.

Especially if someone else there is called Bear.

Bear could be Steven Tyler’s brother. Or maybe they just have the same surgeon. His car is the only car in the universe dirtier than mine.

And after Scully standing weirdly close to Huffman (I forget her character name) for way too long (like seriously? SO strange), Mulder trying to reassert his Scully monopoly with some unnecessary touching (DRINK!) we see some stock footage which can only mean we’re up, up and away.

Icy Point and the power’s off. Of course. Do they ever investigate why the second they arrive anywhere the lights stop working? That’s a damn X-File.

For guys who blew their on brains out these dudes are artfully arranged. And pretty sure one of them is tensing. You’re dead man. Nobody cares about your abs anymore.

Scully says ‘flashing’.  She means the camera. Epileptics on set can thank her but I can’t help being disappointed. Imagine if she meant her boobs…

Mulder comforts Felicity Huffman with his intimate knowledge of arctic research generator noises. Who knew Oxford university offered so many eclectic courses. Unfortunately they didn’t offer one in dog combat because Mulder goes down. Pretty sure Huffman falls over too but only out of shock or being knocked off balance by her coat.

Poor Bear is bleeding ketchup so we know he’s fucked. It’s fine though, Scully is a medical doctor and she finds some super gross disease beans in the doggo’s armpit which means she will also save the day. Standard.

Worm under skin, WORM UNDER SKIN! Ths grosses me out every time so drink every time we see unnecessary subdermal wriggling. *drinks*

Scully has completed five autopsies before anyone else has done more than get their coat off and get infected with a space worm, but ruins the effect by brandishing a used and  uncovered needle with gusto whilst doing her jargon spiel. She may just be trying work out how to rescue her hair from it’s current anti-gravity state, her fringe is levitating at a sweet 120 degrees from her forehead which has got to be upsetting when you’re as put together as Scully is. Regardless,  

Mulder seems unperturbed but may just be distracted by Bear wigging out about his own personal armpit beans.

There are some high quality knitwear/ winter neutrals going on in this episode. Maybe they were sponsored by fruits of the loom or some shit.

Mulder and Denny get all excited about satellite pics, apparently Mulder’s interpreting skills around some sort of bizarre geological scanning are rusty. TRY NON-EXISTENT MULDER. YOU DON’T KNOW SCHIST ABOUT GEOLOGY! Sorry. For the pun and the yelling. But seriously. If I made a list of all the things Mulder and Scully know that they shouldn’t…

DINOSPERM! Dinosperm. Does whatever a dinosperm does.

The second Mr Bodywarmer (I can never remember anyone’s names so tis is what I’m calling him) disses Scully’s autopsy skills you know that Mulder’s gonna disagree with him. Contagion be damned, suggesting Sculy has missed something is a no no - even in Season 1 - and especially when she’s pouting like this.

Oh no! Mulder says they have to stay (my favourite trope), Scully pulls the doctor card to seal the deal and now there is no way they’re not having arctic sex right? Everyone gets some… well except Denny who kills the mood by opening up way too easily about his bowel movements. Poor Denny. High school can’t have been easy for you.

But it’s fine because Bear flips his shit, or more specifically flips out about a shit, and everyone has other things to worry about. After some arctic democracy which really draws a solid line between Mulder/Scully and Huffman/MrBodywarmer (in case you’d missed all the other clues) and emphasises the disposability of poor Denny, they pull a gun and shit gets real.

Down goes Mulder!

Down goes Scully!

Turns out big man Bear is no match for Macho Moose and Flying Squirrel. The others prove once again to be utterly useless, standing about and watching. Honestly, given how much Mulds and Sculls know about other science they should absolutely not know, the the rest of the cast seem kinda superfluous other than as human coathangers for knitted beige monstrosities.

WORM UNDER FLESH, DRINK.

Impromptu surgery always makes me squeamish so lets not talk about this. Suffice to say its gory and ends poorly for Bear. RIP buddy, you were kinda a douche and your hat was stupid but nobody likes a neck worm.

Just keep drinking till it’s over.

The woman on the radio is semi-peppy given she’s just told them they’re stuck. Maybe she’s drinking whatever Sarah Palin is on.

Sculy’s OCD hand washing is adorable and I want to pet her. And the others are all still just standing there though now with a corpse centrepiece. React people! Do something!

Top quality CGI right here! Wormeo is looking fine and definitely three dimensional.

The worm theory is all very plausible, except that the last bit makes no sense. The worm doesn’t want to kill it’s host, just the hosts with its pals in… so what is the worm’s end game? Last worm standing? Any thoughts?

I am all about the aesthetic of this next scene The half light the corrugated metal with shadows and the height difference all in silhouette. It’s even added to by Mulder’s signature monotone rant. But the problem is, I’m so MSR thirsty that when this happens…

I just want them to throw down and get it on on the floor. KISS! NOW! Corpses be damned. See, This is what this show has done to me. I used to have standards.

Denny is not down with all the tension so he retreats to baseball while Huffman and Bodywarmer, who bicker like Mulder and Scully but lack ANY sort of chemistry (this is the show we might have gotten if the Gillian/David alchemy  hadn’t happened) conspire like a pair of whiner babies. Bodywarmer is as paranoid as Muder, but he’s also an assclown.

Then Mulder and Scully take their coats off in a dramatic way and once again my mind is in the gutter. Which is actually appropriate as it’s naked spot check time and things are about to get a little homoerotic. Pretty sure Mulder lost some sort of bet when Scully was the one to suggest a naked group activity. Also pretty sure he was disappointed that it was just another spot check and that he wasn’t invited.

Leaving this here for science.

There are multiple documentations of the exceptionally sapphic encounter between Scully and Huffman, whoever decided to light them in red while the dudes got to strip off in a normally lit room was certainly only aided by the fact that Scully's jabby doctor hands from later series have not yet developed. 

My main takeaway other than this being basically the only scene in which Huffman doesn't irritate me (and I think I quite liked her in DH though I can't remember a damn thing that happened on that show), is that Gillian Anderson has more chemistry in a fraction of her lower lip than most people have in their whole body. I mean seriously: authority, vulnerability, comfort and a little sex all in one move. This little thing? 

She would probably have chemistry with a rock if she needed to. How is it so effective? How does one scene that lasts less than a minute have more relationship in it than all of Huffman and Bodywarmer's interactions combined? How is the entire world not worshipping at her tiny feet?

And the award for least comforting bedtime sendoff goes to Mulder, for both bringing up bugs biting (as if they're not already freaking over dinosperms getting all up in their spines) and then shooting down Scully's attempt to normalise things. "The spots on the dog went away". Really? She's lingering outside her room, and instead of being nice, or comforting, or taking her mind off things with some vigorous shagging you give her puppy eyes  and a shortcut to nightmare town?

Go to bed and think about what you've done Mulder. Leave Scully alone with your comforting words, ominous lighting and a dead man's half naked lady posters. 

Cue montage of nobody coping in different ways with Mark Snow blinky-blonkiness to up the tension.

As a an unapologetic Scully fangirl I do sometimes forget that at this stage, Duchovny was very much the star and focus. Scenes like this remind me, where we watch him get dressed (I am fine with lots of shirtless Mulder), wander about, do reacting, hang out a little with this cabinet that definitely looks like it has a face and could just have eaten Denny on it's own...

Anyway my point was that as much as Gillybean is growing as an actor and making herself felt in the episodes, studio intentions be damned, this is all DD, prowling about with drama and he does it well. Also you can see his nipples through his shirt. Clearly my priorities are straight. Well... mostly.

That said. Mulder is an idiot. When a cabinet is bleeding, what sensible person opens it while squatting in front of the spot where clearly a corpse is going to fall out. He didn't learn that brand of idiocy at the VCU.

Speaking of Scully asserting herself, Bodywarmer (I think his name is Hodge?) and Mulder get in to a sweaty macho shout off and teeny Sculls gets in the midde. Huffman just kinda floats about.

And we have a series first! Mulder and Scully hold each other at gunpoint! Loud noises! Angst! Betrayal! Delivery of the episodes motto which STILL makes no sense."You may not be who you are?"" Well no he is him, he just might have a worm in his brain But points for consistency. Shame it doesn't apply to the series overall plot arc!

Anyway, in the end it's fine because Mulder relents when it becomes exceptionally clear that for all that she's smol and mostly calm, Scully will shoot his ass, though she'll feel a bit bad about it. At this realisation Mulder goes full puppy and lets his owner put him in a pen. But he doesn't get shot. Yet. Little he knows...

So Mulder gets shut away. It's totes emosh. Like Celine Dion backing track emosh. Mark Snow step aside because this bish has spare time and windows moviemaker...

Moving on...

Pretty sure that fluffy!Scully striding in a plaid shirt with a gun is my spirit animal.

It's super convenient that both members of team non-MSR are sleeping in ridiculously uncomfortable positions, despite the recent excitement, so Scully can be forced to surrender her weapon. But hey - we only have 10 mins left and the plot must go on.

Bodywarmer decides the time has come for him to be alpha male but unfortunately, everyone still hates him, Scully doesn't want in on his shitty duet, especially when it's clear that he'd toss his partner in a second. Huffman finally grows enough balls to suggest Scully might have a point about not turning on each other and looking for treatment but his ego is out of control.

I really wish Bodywarmer had gotten eaten instead of Denny, Denny and Huffman could have been useless fuzzballs together and the only thing I ship Bodywarmer with is my booted foot making hard contact with his testicles after his misogynistic asshole moves in the lab. I'm starting to understand why Huffman has no personality. Scully starts to realise she got preeeety lucky that Mulder's just an alien obsessed puppy and not an utter fuckboy, before snapping back in to science mode for wormageddon.

I'm gonna take a moment here to shout out Lila (@startwreck for the following graphic). Theses two animated worms even have more tension than Bodywarmer and Huffman. So when we did the group rewatch we may have turned it into a fix that the worms were in love...

Me and the space worms have one thing in common. We do not like company.

WORM IN DOGGY EAR! DRINK!

Not sure how a stethoscope would prove the worms inside the dog were dead but I'm not a medical doctor. Either way, Mr Woofty is okay and lets be honest, aside from Mulder and Scully he's the only one I care about at this stage.

Tfw bae may have a brain worm but you wanna be sure and one of your companions is an asshole and the other one is actually the neck worm's host.

Poor Mulder isn't even allowed to accustom his poor little molerat eyes to the light before having to defend himself. Which got me thinking... the light switch is inside the room. We saw him turn it on earlier. So he's sitting in the dark of his own choice, just to make himself more tragic. Precious baby.

This face could have been avoided.

This scene though, this could not, There is now a section in the FBI handbook called, "Protocol for the investigation of possible parasitic space worms", this inspection is the example of how not to do it. Ably assisted by D'Angelo and my amazing video skills once again I give you - "this would be sexual harassment if they weren't both so into it - so don't try this in the workplace kids"

Scully comes out with Mulder in tow like the kid who came home from school with a friend who wasn't invited. "Mom I know you said no but look at him". After a quick round of, my partner is less infected than your partner, they get ambushed, Scully makes the squeakiest squeak of a no that is still audible to the human ear and finds herself in the sex cupboard.

Commence a struggle scene worthy of You've Been Framed, drink for Huffman's neck worms and also for this face.

In her struggle to escape a worming, Huffman pauses long enough to through some vials off a freezer shelf, that she has to open. Before she goes for the gun. Logical. And then they all have sex on the floor. I mean seriously. 

But it's all good coz she gets to gnaw on Mulder's pec while the worms do battle royale in her pituitary gland and everyone makes it. Well except Bear and Denny. Huzzah! Scully gives Huffman (whose name I have just discovered is Silver or Da Silva which I'm sure I knew when I started this but honestly that was weeks ago so...) a celebratory belly rub. 

I'd take it.

They finally escape, and Mulder of course wants another round trip to hell but hell has been torched. Scully does a good job of looking sympathetic in front of Bodywarmer, but as soon as they're alone she tells Mulder how she really feels. To paraphrase, no, she doesn't want to play with ice worms of death any more and yes she would rather be in Aruba. But she does wait for him. Maybe so they can finish what they started in the sex cupboard in the SUV. 

I hope,

And so it ends..

Quick Score (Full Deets in the top pic)

Story: Original, bold and pacy - 9/10

Mulder: Broody, ballsy, sexy - 8/10

Scully: Smart, sceptic foil to the crazy - 8/10

UST: The first suspense episode, creepy original goodness 5/5

Other Cast: Solid ensemble of misfits delivers - 8/10

Bonus Points: Hot damn sexy moments, extra gazing, partner doubting, memorable, my fave 5/5

TOTAL - 42/50 - Grade A and new topspot sitter!

Join us next time for more ridiculously overthought brain farts

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