#wwdits x y/n

[sardonic-the-writer]

𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐍𝐚𝐝𝐣𝐚 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

↳ warnings: mentions of death, sexual things, blood, overall vampire things etc etc

↳ song: super good—leningrad

masterlist!

• The two of you gossip all day long

• Vampire, human, familiar, it doesn't matter. Nadja is finally happy to have one person in the house that she can sit and bitch with all day

• She insists on doing silly human things together all the time, like having a sleepover—even though technically she sleeps durring the day—painting nails and talking about crushes

• "Okay okay I'll go first! I have a crush on—" Nadja paused, grinning excitedly before whispering her answer, "—Laszlo!!"

• "I know Nadj." You smiled. "You're married to him. And these walls aren't very thin. Me and Guillermo can hear you two going at it twenty four seven—"

• "Whatever. Now tell me if there's anyone you'd like to be bound to forever in the act of the matr-a-moany. Boy? Girl? Goat? Come on, do as this generation says and spill!"

• If you're a vampire, the two of you would be able hang out a lot more

• But if you're a human, things can get a little difficult here and there. Trying to visit Nadja while her husband and housemate actively try to make a meal out of you isn't the best grounds for a stable friendship

• She makes sure to remind everyone that you're off limits though

• "Laszlo, no! They are not food! They are my best human friend, my little adorable dollie, and you are not to touch them! And don't you even fucking think about it Colin Robinson! Back the fuck away!"

• "I wasn't even doing anything—"

• "Shut the fuck up Colin Robinson!!"

• For a vampire that has only ever set down roots with two other people, three if you include Guillermo (which she doesn't), you're very lucky that she decided you were worth her time. Which sounds rude and pretentious as fuck, but it's just the way a vampire of her age sees it

• Even Laszlo comes around to you in the end. And concidering he can't suck or fuck you, that's a very big feat! Nadja informs you that you should be proud—which is met with a nervous smile and a confused thank you

#wwdits #wwdits x y/n #wwdits x you #wwdits x reader #what we do in the shadows #what we do in the shadows x reader #what we do in the shadows x you #what we do in the shadows x y/n #nadja of antipaxos #nadja #nadja x reader #nadja x you #nadja x y/n #request #headcanons

[cyberstrm]

my pleasure

nandor the relentless x gn!vampire!reader

cws: none!

a/n: i met kayvan novak on saturday at mcm and he was so sweet,,, so,,, nandor brainrot heehee

you weren't really sure what nandor, your husband, spent his waking hours doing. the time of darkness he occupied lasted usually 8-ish hours, and that felt like a lot of time for someone who didn't have a job or any real responsibilities.

despite his presumably empty night, you hadn't seen much of him, and was craving some well deserved attention.

you looked in every room, and eventually concluded he was in the fancy room. you creaked the door open and smiled when you saw him laying on the sofa, reading an ancient looking book. he looked up, and his fangs showed as he grinned.

"hello, my love!" he beamed, closing his book and sitting up.

"heya." you replied, entering the room fully and sitting next to him on the sofa. he took your hands and kissed your palms softly, savouring your presence.

"did you need something, my little dove?" he asked, his expression soft and inquisitive.

"i just missed you, this house is so big, it feels so empty..." as you said this, you went red, realising how childish it sounded.

"aww." he cooed, cupping a hand to your cheek and stroking it gently with his thumb. "what can i do to make you feel less alone?" he posed this less as a question and more of tease.

you looked away, and he chuckled. he enjoyed flustering you.

"say it, little dove."

"can you kiss me?"

he didn't need to be asked twice. he leant forward and kissed you gently, a hand reaching into your hair. you could feel his fangs against your lips, but he wielded them proficiently as to not hurt you by accident.

he pulled away, a slightly dazed expression on his face.

"you are very nice to kiss." he commented, making you giggle. "can i kiss you again?"

#nandor #nandor the relentless #nandor x reader #nandor the relentless x reader #x you #x y/n #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #guillermo de la cruz

[neighbourshouse]

Quality Time (WWDITS)

Nadja x Female Reader

Summary: Nadja wants to know more about you. (Fluff)

Warnings: Mentions of nudity, insecurity.

Authors note: Hi Hi Hi this is my first ever fanfiction.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5:30 PM; The vampires wouldn’t be up for a while as the sun was still out and not to set for another hour.

Guillermo gets up around the same time you do, not interacting with each other as you both find solace in the quiet you two only seem to get in the daytime. Usually, you are awake around 12:30, getting ready as you wish and cleaning the house up before the vampires rise for the night. However, today you let yourself sleep in a bit later. Last night ran too long and the house was tidy(ish). 

You kept your room dark- if there was one thing you did have in common with the vampires, you enjoyed the night. The room lit with warm-toned lamps, you stood in front of your mirror in a t-shirt, underwear, and socks, looking at yourself.

You have never really liked your body, a constant insecurity mainly while living with individuals who were quite attractive. You were especially bugged by your appearance today, looking at the shape of your hips and the curves of your legs. The t-shirt you wore was purposely large enough to hide your torso and release emphasis on your breasts.

You watched yourself for a few minutes, eventually turning to put on jeans and a hoodie. 

“Why do you look at yourself like that? Also, why is there fabric up your ass??” Nadja was sitting on your bed, watching you. She squinted her eyes as her gaze roamed all over your body.

“HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SITTING THERE?” you yelled, rushing over to the end of your bed where your pants lay. You quickly pulled them on, frantically zipping them up. At least now you were fully dressed.

“are you going to answer my questions?” She stated.

“NO, I’m not gonna answer actually. why are you up?? you should still be asleep!”

“I awoke early and was bored. What do you expect me to do? Clean the house?” She smirked as if the cameras were there.

“You could have at least knocked”

“ok well, I didn’t and I’m here now.”

There was a pause. You looked at her, brows slightly furrowed. For once you could see slight concern glint across her eyes. It made your gaze soften. You shouldn’t be rude, she is your Mistress after all.

You threw on your hoodie and sat next to her on the bed.

“Sooo…what’s up?” You asked, a little more care in your voice.

As Nadja and Laszlo’s familiar, they only ever really ordered you around. However, both were oddly protective over you for some unknown reason, especially Nadja. She even was the one who insisted you have a proper bedroom; Unlike Guillermo who unfortunately got the space under the stairs. 

Nadja and you were the only women in the house. It was hard for you, so you could only imagine how polarizing and alone it must be for her. You know, being a vampire and all on top.

I mean, to tell the truth, you really liked Nadja, like, really liked her- but you could never say anything. You found her beautiful and her oddness was something you could connect with. At the least, you wanted to be her friend but she always seemed to stray away from you or demand things in front of the others. So this interaction was a first.

“I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to talk to you?… I feel a little bad, you’ve been with us for a while now and- I’ve not even bothered to get to know you.” Her eyes shifted downwards into her lap. You squinted and began to inspect her from afar. What the fuck is going on?

“Are you ok? Should I wake the others and get help?”

“No no, I’m fine, like I said I just….”

She looked at you. Was that a bit of sadness?

“Nadja, do you want someone to talk to?” You smiled slightly, trying to get her to look at you.

Her head lifted and she began to smile back- this still seemed too genuine for Nadja. 

“I think I do. I also didn’t realise- how sort of interesting you are? I’ve never been in here.” She flicked her eyes around the room, taking in the posters on your walls and the knick-knacks and books on your shelves.

“Thank you…” you trailed off not really knowing what to say next.

Her eyes met yours again.

“y/n, I really do want to know more about you.” You blushed at her words.

“well…what exactly do you want to know?” You said slowly, she began to smile again. Gosh her smile is so pretty. She is so pretty.

“Tell me about yourself. Where are you from? Who are your parents? What was your childhood like? what is your favourite colour? What is your darkest secret?-“ She began to ramble on with different questions, you grabbed her hand to make her stop for a moment. She froze, looking down at the contact. Scared, you retracted your arm quickly as she looked at you. 

‘oh shit, you done fucked it-’ you thought.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ apologies started to spew out of you.

“No no! it’s ok! I’m just not- used to that kind of thing.” She looked focused as her brain processed what had just happened.

You felt unsure of what to do, so, you let yourself fall back onto your bed. She looked at you nervously, playing with her hands.

Finally, she laid down next to you, both staring at the ceiling on your backs.

Another moment of quiet.

“My Favourite colour is red.” You practically whispered, turning your head to look at her. She turned to you and smiled. Nadja seemed so excited yet calm in manner. 

“So is mine.”  Her grin was spread from ear to ear.

“Are you sure you really want to know about me?” The question seemed to dissipate into thin air as Nadja looked at you sternly.

“Of course I do.” She softened her gaze but her answer felt like an order.

With that, you began to tell her about where you were from and what life as a mortal has been like for you. You told her about your friends and the adventures you’ve been on and your family. Her sudden interest in your life made you feel good.

What felt like minutes was really 2 hours. You glanced at the clock on your nightstand. The sun had long set, it now being 7:30 PM. Nadja lay on her stomach, kicking her feet like a schoolgirl. 

“Oh shit- it’s 7:30 already?? Nadja I gotta get to my chores and start helping out-” You started to get up but she pushed you back down with a firm hand.

“Nonsense! I am your Mistress and I say tonight your job is to hang out with me.” She could tell you were slightly puzzled and shocked.

“Bubs it is okkkkkk. You are mine, I get to decide what you do.” Her words made your stomach flutter and your cheeks flush.

“Ok…but what about-“

“Nuh-uh, the others are fine. Like I said, your only task tonight is to be with me.”

A bit of thought and you couldn’t deny her, you smiled, Nadja had been waiting for that. She began to smile back as well. 

The thought of talking further about yourself felt exhausting, and at this, you realised you didn’t know a whole lot about Nadja. Obviously, you knew she was a vampire from Antipaxos that was 500 years old, and that she had a husband (Laszlo) and enjoyed pleasure and killing. But what else?

“Nadja?…”

“Yes my darling angel.” She was so trained on you.

“I wanna know more about you.” She stopped kicking her feet. A mixture of disbelief and sorrow crossed her face. You were unsure if you should have said that.

“What- what do you mean?” She tilted her head. 

“I mean like- what are your interests? Passions? Beliefs?” As much as you would like to know her answers, you didn’t want to upset Nadja.

She went quiet for a moment. 

“No one has ever asked me that before.” She looked at you with wide, sad eyes. It kind of scared you.

“I mean- if you don’t want to tell me or have the others know or just like want to end the convo here thats-“

She now cut you off by grabbing your hand and kissing the back of it. It was your turn to freeze.

“I do want you to know. I just…I just feel like it’s been hundreds of years since anyone has bothered to ask…” Your heart ached. Bits of pain felt like it trickled from her hand to yours like blood down her sleeve.

“Well, I don’t understand why they wouldn’t. You are so interesting and intelligent and cool and prett-“ You stopped yourself. Nadja raised an eyebrow at you.

“No please, go on.” She smirked now grasping your hand a little tighter.

“No, it’s ok!” You squeaked, it hurt a bit but you didn’t mind. You were more scared of her knowing what you felt.

Nadja let go of your hand.

“Well…I guess I really haven’t told anyone mu-“

Just then there is a knock at the door.

“Nadja darling, I know you’re in there. I and the boys need help wi-“ 

“LASZLO FUCK OFF! I’m busy with y/n tonight so you’ll have to find HELP ELSEWHERE!”

You hear Laszlo sigh on the other side of the door. He knew not to fight her on this. Walking away he calls to the others, “Welp, we are royally fucked.”

You laugh which draws Nadja’s attention back to you. She grins again.

“Do you think we should go and help them?” you questioned.

“No, they’re fineeeee. Where were we…”

And with that, Nadja talked her heart away. And you absorbed every single word.

#nadja x reader #nadja of antipaxos #what we do in the shadows #laszlo cravensworth #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #colin robinson #nadja wwdits #nandor #guillermo #the guide #laszlo #nadja doll #nadja x y/n

[spaceagerabbit]

now i may not like nandor on all fronts

BUT

(season 4 spoilers)

him calling marwa “my morning star” with the sweetest look on his stupid handsome face

plus the speed that nandor jumped into the flooded basement to save guillermo in the first episode of season 4

stupid motherfucker i’m so in love with him

#wwdits #wwdits season 4 #wwdits nadja #wwdits laszlo #wwdits guillermo #wwdits nandor #nandor x reader #nandor x y/n #nandor x you #nandor x marwa #guillermo de la cruz #laszlo cravensworth #nadja of antipaxos #nandor the relentless

[your-averagewriter]

Request rules.

I don't write smut but I will write steamy make-out scenes and all that.

I will write fem!character x fem!reader, male!character x fem!reader, male!reader x male!reader. All of it including gender neutral reader.

I also only really write x reader fics.

My Masterlist - What I've already written, I update when I post.

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED DUE TO HAVING LOTS OF REQUESTS!

- Thanks for the requests though! :)

Keep an eye on this as I add more characters as I watch more shows/movies!

People/characters I will write for:

DYSTOPIAN and ACTION:

- Hunger Games - Peeta Mellark, Katniss Everdeen, Haymitch Abernathy, Finnick Odair, Johanna Mason, Annie Cresta, Lucy Gray Baird, Sejanus Plinth.

- Maze Runner - Thomas, Newt, Gally, Minho.

- Kingsman - Harry Hart (Galahad), Gary "Eggsy" Unwin (Galahad), Hamish Mycroft (Merlin), Jack Daniels (Whiskey).

- Zombieland - Tallahassee, Columbus, Wichita.

- Luther - John Luther, Alice Morgan, Justin Ripley.

- Call of Duty - John Price, Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, König, Alejandro Vargas, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin, Valeria Garza, Keegan Russ.

- The Boys - Homelander, Starlight, Soldier Boy, Black Noir, Billy Butcher, Hughie Campbell, The Deep, Queen Maeve, A-Train, Translucent.

- Gen V - Marie Moreau, Emma Meyer, Jordan Li, Andre Anderson, Cate Dunlap, Luke Riordan and Sam Riordan.

- Fallout - Cooper Howard (pre and post Ghoul), Lucy MacLean, Maximus.

- The Walking Dead (I've only seen the first season so no spoilers please!!) - Rick Grimes, Glenn Rhee, Lori Grimes, Andrea

HORROR:

- Scream - Billy Loomis, Stu Macher, Dwight "Dewey" Riley, Randy Meeks, Richie Kirsch, Sam Carpenter, Tara Carpenter, Chad Meeks-Martin, Mindy Meeks-Martin, Ethan Landry.

- The Lost Boys - Michael Emerson, David, Star, Marko, Dwayne.

- What We Do in the Shadows - Nandor the Relentless, Laszlo Cravensworth, Nadja, Guillermo de la Cruz.

- Late Night with The Devil - Jack Delroy

- Renfield - R.M Renfield.

- A Quiet Place (1&2) - Lee Abbott, Evelyn Abbott, Emmett.

- The Boy - Brahms.

- Fight Club - Tyler Durden, The Narrator.

- Alien - Ripley, Dwayne Hicks, Hudson.

- Saw - Adam Faulkner-Stanheight, Amanda Young, Peter Strahm, Mark Hoffman.

- The Crow - Eric Draven.

- Midnight Mass - Sheriff Hassan, Father Paul, Riley Flynn.

MARVEL:

- MCU - Tom Holland!Peter Parker, Andrew Garfield!Peter Parker, Bruce Banner, Steve Rodgers, Tony Stark, T'Challa, Stephen Strange, Logan, Scott Lang, Wanda Maximoff, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, Yelena Belova, Matt Murdock, Valkyrie, Carol Danvers, Peter Quill, Bucky Barnes, Phil Coulson, Gamora, Thor Odinson, Loki Laufeyson, James Rhodes, Pietro Maximoff, Druig, Sam Wilson, Shuri.

- Spiderverse - Hobie Brown, Miles Morales (both variations), Gwen Stacy, Miguel O'Hara, Pavitr Prabhakar, Peter B Parker, Spider Noir.

- X-Men and others (Deadpool etc) - Young!Charles Xavier, Young!Erik Lehnsherr, Nightcrawler, Jean Grey, Scott Summers, Nathan Summers, Wade Wilson.

DC:

- The Dark Knight Trilogy - Christian Bale!Bruce Wayne, Jonathon Crane.

- The Batman - Robert Pattinson!Bruce Wayne, Selina Kyle.

- Justice League - Diana Prince (Wonderwoman), Arthur Curry (Aquaman), Clark Kent (Superman).

- Gotham - David Mazouz!Bruce Wayne, Jerome Valeska, Jerimiah Valeska, Alfred Pennyworth, Jim Gordon, Selina Kyle, Ed Nygma, Barbara Kean, Oswald Cobblepot, Victor Zsasz, Harvey Bullock, Jonathon Crane, Jervis Tetch, Victor Fries.

The Suicide Squad - Jared Leto!Joker, Harley Quinn, Rick Flag, Chris Smith (Peacemaker), Robert DuBois (Bloodsport), Chato Santana (El Diablo).

ANIME:

- Attack on Titan - Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman, Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert, Jean Kirstein, Reiner Braun, Annie Leonhart, Sasha Braus, Erwin Smith, Miche Zacharius, Hitch Dreyse, Kenny Ackerman, Marco Bodt, Pieck Finger, Porco Galliard, Colt Grice, Bertholdt Hoover, Nicolo, Ymir, Zeke Yeager, Floch Forster.

- Demon Slayer - Giyu Tomioka, Mitsuri Kanroji, Obanai Iguro, Muichiro Tokito, Shinobu Kocho, Kyojuro Rengoku, Tengen Uzui, Kanao Tsuyuri, Tanjiro Kamado, Zenitsu Agatsuma, Inosuke Hashibira, Gyutaro, Daki, Enmu, Hinatsuru, Makio, Suma.

- Castlevania - Alucard, Sypha Belnades, Trevor Belmont, Carmilla, Lenore.

- Tokyo Ghoul - Ken Kaneki, Juuzou Suzuya, Touka Kirishima, Kuki Urie, Ayato Kirishima, Itori, Uta, Hideyoshi Nagachika.

- My Hero Academia - Shota Aizawa, Hizashi Yamada, Tenya Ida, Ochaco Uraraka, Denki Kaminari, Eijiro Kirishima, Kyoka Jiro, Hanta Sero, Shoto Todoroki, Katsuki Bakugo, Itsuka Kendo, Tamaki Amajiki, Hitoshi Shinso, Keigo Takami, Mirko, Dabi, Himiko Toga, Jin Bubaigawara.

- Obey me - Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, Solomon.

- Haikyuu! - Daichi Sawamura, Kōshi Sugawara, Asahi Azumane, Tobio Kageyama, Tadashi Yamaguchi, Kiyoko Shimizu, Keishin Ukai, Tetsurō Kuroo, Kenma Kozume, Tōru Oikawa, Hajime Iwaizumi, Kōtarō Bokuto, Keiji Akaashi, Wakatoshi Ushijima, Satori Tendō, Yūji Terushima, Kiyoomi Sakusa, Atsumu Miya, Osamu Miya.

- Avatar the Last Airbender - Zuko, Katara, Sokka, Aang, Azula, Ty Lee.

- Avatar: Legend of Korra - Korra, Asami, Mako, Tenzin, Iroh.

MUSIC:

- Waterparks - Awsten Knight, Geoff Wigington, Otto Wood.

- My Chemical Romance - Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Ray Toro, Frank Iero, (all the killjoys).

- Pierce The Veil - Vic Fuentes, Tony Perry, Jaime Preciado.

- All Time Low - Alex Gaskarth, Rian Dawson, Zack Merrick.

- Ice Nine Kills - Spencer Charnas, Ricky Armellino, Patrick Galante, Joe Occhiuti, Dan Sugarman.

- Palaye Royale - Remington Leith, Emerson Barrett.

- Others - Oli Sykes, Ronnie Radke, Andy Hurley, Brandon Flowers, Chris Motionless, Kellin Quinn,, John O'Callaghan, Josh Franceschi, Lzzy Hale, Hayley Williams, William Beckett, Noah Sebastian, Will Ramos, Will Ghould, Dave Grohl, Vessel (Sleep Token).

- Metal Lords - Hunter, Kevin, Emily.

SCI-FI:

- The Sandman - Dream, Corinthian.

- Prey - Naru, Taabe.

- Stranger Things - Steve Harrington, Nancy Wheeler, Jonathon Byers, Max Mayfield, Robin Buckley, 001, Dimitri, Eddie Munson.

- Star Wars - Anakin Skywalker, Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Han Solo, Rey, Kylo Ren, Boba Fett, Poe Dameron, Din Djarin, Cal Kestis.

OTHERS:

- Barbie - Barbie, Ken.

- Monster High - Frankie Stein, Clawdeen Wolf, Cleo de Nile, Deuce Gorgon, Draculaura, Lagoona Blue, Abbey Bominable, Clawd Wolf, Gillington Webber, Heath Burns, Holt Hyde, Jackson Jekyll, Neighthan Rot, Operetta, Robecca Steam, Rochelle Goyle, Venus McFlytrap, Kieran Valentine, Porter Geiss.

- Euphoria - Rue Bennett, Jules Vaughn, Maddy Perez, Cassie Howard, Fezco, Lexi Howard, Nate Jacobs (nothing abusive).

- Wonka - Willy Wonka, Fickelgruber.

- Saltburn - Oliver Quick, Felix Catton, Farleigh Start, Venetia Catton.

-

I know that's quite a long list and if you want me to write for a character not on there then just ask :)

#masterlist #fanfiction #fanfic #x reader #x yn #marvel #dc #star wars #stranger things #attack on titan #castlevania #avatar the last airbender #waterparks #my chemical romance #emo bands #sandman #prey #predator #obey me #haikyuu #x you #kingsman #hunger games #maze runner #spiderverse #x y/n #writing #oneshots #what we do in the shadows #wwdits

[the-kr8tor]

In Pursuit of Blood: A trip down goblin lane.

Pairing: Vampire! Hobie Brown x fem! Vampire hunter! Reader

Word count: 5.6k

Synopsis: You, an amateur vampire hunter, find it really hard to kill the one vampire you were tasked to kill.

Tags: Use of Y/N sparingly, no specific physical description of the reader (except for her clothing), same universe as the WWDITS series, CW blood, TW violence, CW suggestive, Mockumentary AU, established relationship, Fluff.

A/N: Special thanks to @al1x00 (ly fr) for the idea! Happy 1k! 🫶 (Enjoy my attempt at humor lol)

Navigation

Hobie's Masterlist

The camera focuses on a leather clad man sitting on a patchwork armrest. His long leg is crossed over the other, metal clinking against each other when he moves. He places his elbow on the armrest, hand under his chin, ringed fingers tapping on his cheek—bored and clearly disinterested. Red eyes lined with dark eyeliner, piercings glimmering under the camera lights, sharp nails painted, he makes the crew suck in a breath.

He's the perfect picture of a rockstar.

The dimly lit gothic home provides the perfect backdrop to the ‘confession booth’, various books, knick knacks from far flung places are littered all over the living room. A grand piano stands proudly to his left, dark oak polished and well taken care off. Tapestries from the sixteenth century are tacked on the walls next to seventies and eighties band posters. His coat rack is full of jackets that look like they come from different times in history.

The producer nods at him, asking for the man's name, his voice just above a whisper so that the microphones don't catch the sound.

He sighs, jaws tighten for a second. “Name's Hobie, Hobie Brown.” His voice shakes the crew's bones. The blond haired producer clears his throat and Hobie rolls his eyes like a spoiled celebrity. “And I'm a vampire.” he says flatly.

The blond gestures for him to continue, asking him how old he is. “Fuckin' hell.” Hobie says under his breath. “Were you not taught manners? Come off it, you don't ask a vampire their age.”

The clipboard holding man, who pretends to be important, asks him why he agreed to the interview if he's so disinterested.

“Fine,” He smiles, showing his sharp fangs, the simple act makes the documentary team's heart skip a beat. “Before you say ‘m following a trend of vampires givin' interviews and a ‘peak behind the cape’ like the wankers in staten island or the lovebirds in dubai. ‘m not, ‘m only doin' this because,” he points dramatically at the clipboard holding man. “Your director told me all proceeds from this goes to charity. And it better be—”

Something thumps outside. The camera sharply turns to the closed floor length curtains.

“Oi, eyes back ‘ere.” Hobie exclaims, the camera whizzes back to his figure. “Again, vampire, been alive for…” he inhales, “a long bloody time. Been a pirate, a cowboy, hell even a rockstar. But always an anarchist.” He says proudly. “I've been rebelling against the one who bit me for centuries,” the camera zooms in on his scowl. “Hate that knobhead.”

Something falls right outside his windows, a groan and a curse sounding out, voice muffled by the walls.

The crew expects Hobie to hiss or even deal with the intruder but he smiles, posture loosening up.

“That,” he points at the source of the ruckus. “That’s a vampire hunter.” Smiling, the crew could hear a muffled ‘fuck you’ behind the walls. “She's been hunting me for a few years now. She—eh, hasn't been close.”

The cursing was louder, camera swishing towards the source, your angry face peeking out from the curtains. The boom mic captures your annoyed growl clearly as you place your face as close as possible on the glass.

“Fuck you, Hobart!”

He chuckles as the crew's face grows with concern. “Don't worry, she's—I guess bad at her job. She's interestin’ though. Y’know what, let me just show you.” He stands up, the cameras and the entire crew follows him through the hallways of his home.

The cameraman almost trips on a stray guitar on the floor. “Careful now, that was a present from some rockstar in the seventies. That's why I leave it on the floor, it works best as a boot scraper.”

Hobie stops in front of double doors, scenes of a love story are carved on the wood.

“It was a gift.” He addresses the doors, “not my first choice but where else would I put the bloody thing?” With a small push, hands braced on both doors, he reveals the expansive room lined with hundreds of paintings and photographs.

He sucks in his teeth. “The entire house is a gift, I'd rather live in a boathouse honestly but this works fine I guess.” Shrugging, he points at the oldest looking wood carving hanging on the wall. A man kneels in front of a woman, rose in his hand as she looks down at him with glee.

“Yes, that's me courting. The wood carver fucked up the scene though, it was more like me ravaging– uh” he clears his throat “…this won't show in pbs right?”

The people behind the cameras shrug as Hobie looks to them for an answer.

“I'll tone it down then, for the children, just in case.” He continues down the lineup of pictures.

Stopping by a large painting of what looks like Hobie in medieval clothing. The painted version of him is surrounded by flowers and trees. His antlers protruding from his head, webs clings to his arms.

“This was when people thought I was fae.” He makes a face, “everyone was tripping on shrooms back then.” walking towards the middle of the room, passing by a few more paintings and tapestries, He pauses on a yellowed painting of a woman who looks similar to you, only less angry.

“Look at her,” sighing, the vampire has heart eyes while looking at the painting. “this was before she was cursed by that bitcharse jealous witch. Now every descendant of hers is cursed to never harm me or any of my spawns, which is bad because they all think I killed their ancestor, and all they want is to kill me. A consequence of dating a vampire hunter during the fifteenth century, I guess.”

“The curse is a two way street, they can't kill me, I can't hypnotize them. It's not that I want to anyway.” he continues.

Another ruckus echoes throughout the house. Hobie smiles again. “I believe she doesn't know about it, so hush, yeah?” He does a double take. “Wait, can you cut that part out?”

—

The second crew runs towards you as you climb the tresses of the house. The camera lens zooms in on your clumsy climbing. Looking down, hearing leaves crunch underfoot, you yelp in surprise.

“What—?!” Losing your hold, you fall on a bush, landing directly at his wild flowers. “Ow! Who the fuck—?!”

—

Now sitting down on a lawn chair, leaves stuck in your hair, face and clothes covered in dirt, you scowl at the producer behind the camera.

Sighing, clicking your tongue, you answer their questions with another question. “Who the fuck are you guys?”

You raise an eyebrow at the words ‘documentary crew’ uttered by the producer.

“Seriously? Who would want to interview Hobart? Scratch that, is it because of those fuckers in staten island?”

A cameraman answers, ‘for charity.’

You blink in surprise, “charity? You fuckin' kidding me? Well if it's for the kids then.” sighing, you resign, looking directly at the camera with disdain, you say your first name. “And I'm a vampire hunter, I mean obviously I am just looking at all the stakes and holy water strapped to me. I look like I'm very fun at parties.” You say jokingly, “and church, probably. Dunno never been.”

The camera cuts back to Hobie still in the large room full of paintings and memorabilia.

“— I didn't do anythin’ wrong. They're absolutely mad at me for no reason—” he stops, thinking. “But I guess I was the reason their family was cursed innit?”

He changes subjects, showing the camera a painting near the end of the room.

“Oh this? This is when her great great great great grandfather almost got me, memories huh? He was mighty fit.” The crew zooms in on a gorgeous painting of a man trying to put a stake through Hobie's heart while he smiles up at him like he's smitten.

“Good times.” He chuckles.

—

“Fuck this.” You say, standing up from the chair, grabbing the mic off from your shirt abruptly. The camera follows you as you grab the lawn chair that you were just sitting on. You then proceed to throw it at a stained glass window. Giving you entry to his abode.

“It was gaudy anyway.” Entering the house, your shoes crunch the broken glass.

—

“Huh, she's inside. That's a record.” Hobie says almost excitedly. “I'll show you the rest of the room after this—.”

The double doors burst open, the camera swivels to you and the camera crew behind you. Holding a stake, you scowl at Hobie.

“Hello, darling, how was your commute?” He genuinely smiles.

“I have a car now, fuck you!” You lunge at him.

Lightning fast, he grabs your wrist right before the stake kisses his chest. The camera crews film on the sides, avoiding getting hit themselves.

“Good for you, finally saved up then?”

Lifting your legs, you kick his chest, you tumble, landing on your feet, staring at him menacingly. “Yes! It's a kia!” you scream before you run full speed at him.

“You got a good deal on it? Automatic or manual?”

“No!” You swing at him, he dodges. “I think I got swindled!” Kick “And it's a manual!” Punch “I’m not a pussy!”

Hobie clicks his tongue, avoiding the pointed edge of the stake. “Point ‘em to me, love, maybe I can get you your money back.”

Stepping back further away, you pause while he stands at the end of the room. Changing your hold on the sharp wood, you throw it at him, he leans slightly, dodging the projectile. it hits the wall right next to your ancestor’s portrait.

“You'll just drink him dry like the last guy!”

He shrugs, making a face that makes you want to punch him harder. “Not my fault he was a knobhead.”

You bounce on your feet, pouncing at him. “He was my dentist!”

He moves to the side, seeing you running towards one of the paintings, in danger of getting smashed by you. In his panic, he raises his arm to stop you, accidentally clothes lining you. His wall-like arm hits you right on your face.

Falling harshly on the floor, you're completely unconscious.

Hobie looks at the cameras with concern. “Shit.”

—

You wake up on an ancient looking couch, it's soft despite its appearance. Lifting your head with a groan, headache punching through the back of your head, you grimace loudly at the camera crew still filming in the corner.

Falling back on the couch, you hide your flustered face with your arm, pulling the blanket further up your chest.

“I promise I'm not that bad at fighting.” You murmur, still hiding your face from the cameras. “You just caught me at a bad time.”

Hobie suddenly appears with a whoosh, he holds a metal tray with tea and a hot compress placed on it.

“Who's giving you a bad time?”

You audibly groan. “No one.”

He places the tray on the coffee table, sparing a quick glance at the camera. “I caught you lackin’ you're not always that bad. Tea?”

Wordlessly reaching up, you flip him the bird. Hobie smiles softly, tapping your legs to give him space on the settee. The documentary crew is surprised that you actually move to give way to him.

He sits by your legs, preparing your tea just like how you always take it. Two sugars and a dash of milk. The entire production staff is perplexed to say the least.

With a clink of the tea spoon against the cup, you sit up, wincing slightly. “Can I get another sugar cube?”

Hobie raises a brow, “it's that kind of day huh? What's bothering you, love?”

You scoff, taking a cube for yourself then plopping it in your tea cup. “Nothing.”

He flicks his eyes at the camera with a knowing glance. Resting his elbow atop his thigh, chin placed on his hand, he pokes at your leg using his foot. Wordlessly having a conversation. With a sigh and a frown, you sip at your tea.

“Ex kicked me out. Now I'm living with the family again.”

Hobie's nonchalance drops, hand instinctively reaching out to you until he realizes what he's doing, he retracts his hand back.

“Shit, ‘m sorry. Their loss.”

“Mm-hmm, consequences of living with someone you've only dated for three months.” You finish your drink in one gulp. “‘sides, I don't have to pay rent anymore.”

“You've got shitty taste in partners.” You snort, half agreeing with him. “But you have to live with your psycho family so there's that.”

You laugh, the camera zooms in on Hobie's pleased expression.

“They're tolerable now, mellowed out after they took out count Belois.” You look at Hobie, copying his position like a mirror.

“He was an arse, did all of us a favour.” he stares at your eyes while the camera continues to film, yet you two don't seem to notice them anymore.

“Yeah, wish I was there though.” You say in a small voice. “They never invite me to those hunts. Always left watching outside.”

Hobie reaches towards you again, this time he actually holds you. Long fingers curling around your wrist, his thumb rubbing gently. “If only they know how hard you could kick.”

“You barely moved when I kicked you.” Chuckling, your eyes sparkle under the dim lights.

“Well it's me,” he inches closer to you in the seat, knee brushing against yours. “But if it was any other vampire out there they would have flown.”

You scrunch your face. Laying your hand down to your thigh, Hobie intertwined his fingers around yours properly this time. The camera captures the confusing scene.

“Because they turned into a bat?”

He grins, showing you his teeth, you don't even flinch. “Nah, because you kicked ‘em too hard. Did you hit your head that hard?” Knocking his knuckles against your temple softly, you move back like lightning has struck you.

“No, I'm actually okay, thanks.” You take your hand away, eyes flitting nervously at the camera then to Hobie. “I gotta go, dinner with the psycho family.” Standing up, you take your belongings from the floor. “You know how it is.”

He looks up at you with an unreadable expression, “yeah, I know how it is.” He says forlornly.

Patting his shoulder awkwardly, your hand lingers for a half second. “Bye,” you stare at the crew in the corner, “bye to all of you, I guess. Don't get eaten.”

The camera pans towards Hobie who just shrugs, fangs poking out of his lips.

—

Hobie eats alone in his empty dining room. The table is long, made of strong narra, designed to sit a dozen or so people. He sits in the head of the table, utensils scraping against the bloodied plate. His goblet is full, untouched.

He looks up at the camera on the other side of the table, observing his every move.

“The table's a gift too.” He says before continuing to eat silently.

—

The camera follows Hobie throughout his day. Roaming aimlessly around the house, he floats above the ground, hand and feet sticking on the wall while he dusts pictures that's placed on the highest shelf.

In the afternoon, he writes music on his piano while he flashes back and forth towards the drums and guitar, testing the music he wrote.

The crew captures Hobie burying something in the backyard. Jacket off, tank top and bare arms in full display. Moonlight illuminating his skin. His necklaces clink together as he shovels in dirt, packing the hole in tightly. The producer asks something about familiars and Hobie scowls at the word.

“No, just no. ‘m fully against havin’ familiars, it's fuckin' wrong.” He sticks the shovel harshly on the soil when the producer questions him again. “Ask me again and you'll be the one ‘m burying next.”

The camera shuts off abruptly.

—

The small supermarket's repetitive jingle from the nineties irks Hobie as he shops for some meat. But what irks him more is the documentary crew finding him especially after he went out of his way to hide from them.

He tosses a box of your favourite tea in the basket, annoyed at the team behind the cameras and boom mics. “Do the lot of you have a tracker on me or somethin’?” Shaking his head, he stomps down the aisle, heavy boots thudding loudly on the floor.

With his leather jacket plus all the metal and spikes on him, Hobie looks like a regular punk shopping for groceries. But if you looked closer, stayed too long in his presence, your flight or fight response kicks in, rendering anyone frozen on the spot.

His ruby eyes scan around the soap display, trying to ignore the cameras and people trailing after him, he gets a whiff of a familiar scent: strawberries and cream, it's you.

Hobie's feet move on its own, carrying him towards your direction. He spots you standing in the fruit section, weighing a watermelon in your hands, knocking on it then listening to the sound closely like you're trying to eavesdrop.

“What's the watermelon saying?”

“Christ!” You jump, dropping the watermelon.

Thankfully he catches it before the fruit splatters on the linoleum. “Just me, love.”

Clutching your chest, you take deep breaths. “I thought I smelled something rotten.” He raises a brow at your comment. “What are you doing here? This is far from your place.”

“First of all, I smell like sandalwood and fresh linen, fuck you.” You snort, rolling your eyes. “And ‘m tryin' to avoid them.” He points behind him, towards the cameras.

“Augh, they're still following you?”

“Apparently I signed a contract, it's not a one time thing.” He places the watermelon back to the crate, taking one that is riper and sweeter just for you. He then gently drops it in your cart, you nod a thanks.

“I told you before don't sign anything when you're drunk off of alcohol filled blood.”

“You're right, lovie, should've listened to you. Can't blame me when I only hear music whenever you open your pretty mouth.” He leans on your cart nonchalantly, giving you his signature smirk that has people falling over themselves for centuries.

“That's not much of a compliment.” You grimace, unaffected by his charm. “Listen, since we're in a public place I'm not gonna try to kill you so please get off my cart, I've got some shopping to do.” Shaking the trolley, he leans away, dismayed. “Also, the owner seems to like me, which is rare enough, so I don't want to ruin my relationship with the old lady. Shoo, Hobart, I'm off the clock.”

“You've got two people who like you now. One more than the other, I suppose.”

You narrow your eyes towards the vampire. “Who's the second one.”

Hobie walks backwards, arm wrapped around his basket, smile blinding everyone in its vicinity. “Me, darling, isn't it obvious?”

The bright fluorescent lights shouldn't do him any favours but by god, he looks amazing under it.

You don't answer, the camera zooms into your hands gripping the handles of the shopping cart, chest heaving, swallowing thickly.

He leaves, going towards the cashier to pay for his groceries. And you spot a sign that's labeled ‘50% off on garlic!’ you glare at the camera, pushing the cart towards the display.

—

Hobie sits on his work table, pieces of a TV are jumbled out on the table as he tinkers with them. His hands shake slightly, he should really feed.

“—‘m pretty good with technology, not like the other vampires. I've adapted well with—” he sniffs, “wait, what's that smell?”

He opens the door to find thousands of garlic circling around his house, “what—?”

“Tada!” You pop out from the side, hands carrying bushels of garlic, no doubt smelling like it too. “Wait, no, not tada, that's in poor taste because you hate them.”

Hobie gags at the smell, eyes watery and irritated. “This is a bad idea!” He rubs at his eyes, tears fully streaming on his cheeks.

“Why? Because it's working?!” You cackle, throwing the vegetable like confetti, one lands right on top of your head.

“Because it attracts—!”

You screech when you feel a sharp tug at your coat. A little green creature shrieks at you, the sound rings your eardrums, almost breaking the boom mic. Its eyes are dark and glassy, ears pointed, teeth sharp.

“A Goblin?!” Falling on your ass, you crawl backwards, watching as more and more of them appear from the bushes.

“I'm a goblin.” The one with a worn out party hat says, voice cracking like foil.

“What are you a Pokémon?!”

Hobie runs after you as fast as he can with the garlic hindering him. “Get inside!” He yells, dragging you towards the door. His hands sizzle atop your arms, the garlic searing his skin.

The creatures skidaddles towards you, towards the smell of garlic. Waves upon waves of green skitter and crawl on all limbs, eyes hungry, mouths agape.

“Hobie!” You hold on to his wrists as the ground scratches your back. Kicking an incoming goblin, you yelp as the door closes at the nick of time.

Claws scratch at the windows and walls. One of them even bangs its head hard on the glass just to get to you.

Hobie hides you behind him, eyes still stinging and skin aflame. “Get to the basement!” He screams when one breaches the house with glass shattering. “Go!”

Running down, Hobie lets you and the crew go first. He grabs a cutlass from the wall, chopping one that comes a little too close to your leg.

You look back at him with worry. “Hobie!”

“I'll be there! Just go!” He grabs one by the neck, throwing it away haphazardly.

It yells a faint ‘whee’ as it sails through the house.

Reaching the large basement, you search for the light switch, a cameraman beats you to it and you yelp at the sudden brightness.

The basement is full of things from different centuries. An iron maiden lays discarded on the corner, its steel rusted and brown. A sculpture of a woman sits on a shelf, it looks like it's a long lost work of Rodin. There's a large tapestry depicting a vampire war that is now collecting dust on the wall.

But the thing that catches your eyes is the massive metal cage that sits in the middle of the room. You would gawk but the swarm of goblins are nearing the basement. The familiar thumping of boots shakes you with relief.

“Cage!” Hobie grabs you effortlessly, you have no time to react as he carries you like a duffel bag by your waist.

The crew follows frantically, closing the metal doors shut behind them just as the swarm gets close. They shriek and bang on the bars, little arms trying to reach towards you.

He lays you back to your feet, dropping the drenched sword on the ground, palms still healing. He cups your face, searching for any injuries.

“You alright?” He heaves, out of breath, legs covered in goblin bites and palms searing but he looks at you like you're the one who's bleeding.

Staring at him with your irises blown out, mouth slightly parted, you embrace him to his surprise and the crew's.

“I'm okay,” you lean away before he could hug back. Hands placed on his shoulders, nails digging into him like he's about to be yanked away from you. “Are you?”

Hobie forgets about the other people inside the cage and the goblins trying to nibble at him. It's only you in his hands, even though the pungent smell of garlic makes his nose itch. Eyes tender, touch gentle, he could only nod.

“Yeah, I'm good now.” His voice lacks the usual charm.

You can finally breathe. “I thought…I'm the only one that's allowed to kill you.”

Chuckling, he traces your jaw with his thumb. “I know. You're first in line, darling.”

The crew stands near the sides awkwardly.

—

The goblins are trashing Hobie's basement, and based on the sounds from upstairs, they're also wreaking havoc in the entire house.

You sit back to back with Hobie in the middle of the cage, away from the bars, hands braced to your sides, his own are mere inches away from yours. He's glad that the garlic smell has wafted away from you, but not enough to get rid of the goblins still hankering for your flesh.

The crew stays away from the openings of the cage whilst a handful of the creatures try to grab at their equipment. It's been hours since the initial attack and everyone's getting hungry and thirsty, including Hobie.

“Why do you even have a dungeon in your basement—? Wait, scratch that, don't answer.” You try to pass the time.

“It was for your great great uncle—”

“Ew!”

“Get your head out of the gutter.” He says flatly, hands shaking from hunger. “I got it so he has a safe place to transform every full moon.”

“What? Huh, so that's why that branch of the family is so hairy.”

He changes the subject. “What were you thinkin’ with the garlic?” Hobie lays his head right on your shoulder, craning his neck to face you, he uses the closeness to memorize your face. His crimson eyes are dimmer than you're used to.

“I dunno, I thought it was a genius idea back then. Y’know, trap you inside, starve you then when you're weak enough I'd put a stake through your heart.”

“It's a good thing you're bloody fit.” He murmurs, chuckling quietly. “You almost got me though.” Your ears pick up the fatigue in his voice.

“And here I thought you fancy me for my amazing personality.”

“That too.” He smiles weakly, feeling the ache in his bones. “We need to get out of here.” His jaw visibly tightens, wanting to get away from you and your scent. Unfortunately it's not so easy when you're trapped.

“I know,” You sigh, Hobie sits up, covering his ears with the heels of his palms. “You okay?”

“I can hear your blood rushing through your veins.” He bites the inside of his cheeks. “Fuck, we really need to get out of here.” Standing up on wobbly feet, you help him up while the crew stands as far as they can without getting slashed by goblin claws.

“You're hungry.” You state the obvious.

“Starvin’” his red eyes flick down to your neck, already feeling guilty from the simple look.

You swallow thickly. “When was the last time you drank?”

“A couple days ago.” His vision blurs.

“Why are you starving yourself?” Scolding him, you guide him back down on the cold granite. “Hobart.”

“Why do you keep callin' me that?” Cold hands against your own, his eyes zeroes in on your face, avoiding the veins in your neck. “You sound like her when you call me that.”

Your eyes soften, warming him with your palms atop his cheeks, you worry. “You haven't answered my question.”

He groans, head lolling backwards. “Got busy, forgot what day it was.”

“Busy with what?” You click your tongue, lifting his head back up with your hands under his head. You search his hungry eyes, making a decision you could regret in the long run.

“If I let you feed, will you be able to get rid of the goblins?”

That has him picking his head back up, waking him up from his hungry stupor. “What—?”

You reiterate, voice determined. “If I let you drink from me can you get your strength back and get rid of the little fuckers?”

“Y/N, I can't let you do that.”

“I know what happens if you don't feed and judging by how the goblins are devouring your entire house like some frat, they aren't leaving soon enough.” You ball his shirt in your hands for emphasis. “I'm letting you drink, just this one time so we could all go home.”

“Are you really sure?”

“Just don't turn me into your spawn, deal?”

Hobie cracks a smile, fangs glinting off the basement lights. You suddenly feel your nerves kicking in.

“I promise I won't. Just tell me if it gets too much, yeah?”

“Okay,” you inhale deeply, tugging down the collar of your shirt, showing him what he needs. “Don't drink me dry.”

“That depends, for all I know you taste brilliantly.” His joke alleviates your fear a little. You're both unaware of the cameras watching, recording everything. Even forgetting that they were there in the first place.

His hand is on the back of your neck, the other is gripping on to your arm like his life depends on it. Eyeing your skin, lips brushing along it, fangs barely piercing, he gives you enough time to lean away.

“Hurry on with it, I need to pee.”

With a deep chuckle, he sinks his teeth in you.

Gasping, you bite down on your bottom lip, stifling any sounds. But Hobie can hear them from your chest, feel how your body quivers with every suck and nip from his teeth.

You whimper and he holds on to you tighter.

He wants to devour you whole, his instincts tell him to ravage you until you're dry and limp in his arms— to rip you apart with his bare teeth. But he doesn't, he's careful and gentle like he's drinking nectar straight from a flower.

“F-fuck…” you let out, hands shaking, sliding down to the back of his neck, pressing him closer.

He turns warmer with your crimson flowing through him, not letting a single drop of the precious liquid dribble from his mouth.

Hobie feels like his dead heart beats once again after centuries.

Eyes closed, you feel like you're on cloud nine. You look like it too, eyes hazy, lips parted, hand holding on to him weakly.

Before he could drown in you, Hobie carefully eases his teeth out from your pierced skin, maw covered in your blood, thumb pressing down to your wounds to stop the bleeding.

It will scar, but you're alright with that thought.

He feels anew. His eyes are sharper, adrenaline coursing through him like your blood in his system. His ears perked at every breath you let out. Eyes blown up like the size of dinner plates, his warm breath fans your cheeks.

Half of him regrets doing it, now that he has gotten a taste, he can't go back to biting random rich assholes. His other half delights in your after taste, so sweet and nectarine that makes him crave more.

You crane your neck slowly like molasses to look at him sweetly through your half lidded eyes, and a soft yet tired smile on your lips. Still clinging into euphoria, vision swirling and heart beating a thousand times per second. You feel like you've ascended and you'll never go down from it.

Licking his teeth, Hobie resists the urge to dive back in. But he's more than that, you're more than a blood bag.

“You alright?” He whispers, he smells like you.

You hum, smiling giddily like a child who just got what she wanted.

“‘m gonna go and kill some goblins now. Stay here for me?”

You hum a tune that sounds like a rendition of ‘happy birthday.’ Giggling, you pat his cheek.

“Yeah, you'll be alright. I'll get you some orange juice after this.”

“Orange sounds nice… such a pretty color. And cookies, yum.” You chortle like you just heard the best joke. “Oh handsome, so handsome. I'm gonna bite you back one day.” Staring up at him, your eyes roll back, falling unconscious.

“Lookin' forward to it.”

Hobie gently lays you down on the floor, standing up, ears listening to your fast heart beat, but it's not enough proof for him. Eyes observing your chest, watching it go up and down, making sure he didn't go too far. Satisfied, he points at the crew cowering in the corner, their cameras still rolling. The documentary won't air anywhere at this rate.

“Watch her.” He says sternly, eyes glaring.

They all nod frantically.

With a swift kick to the metal door, he strikes down every goblin he sees.

—

You sit on the same patchwork armchair, sipping on a warm cup of tea, comfortable and content in your seat. The two pin prick scars on your neck peeks under your collar. The camera has you in the spotlight, zoomed in on your freshly washed face.

“Do you know about the curse?” The man behind the camera asks, his voice wavering with every word like it's taboo to mention it.

“What curse?” You watch as their faces morph into panic. “I'm fucking with you,” you laugh at their expense.

“Of course I know about it. Why do you think I hunt him down? For fun? Well, partly because of it but we broke that curse like five generations ago when my ancestor figured it all out and made friends with the witch.”

Smiling fondly, you continue. “She's my godmother now. Don't tell him.” You warn. “Hunting him down is an initiation for us really, a tradition to try and kill him, just really doing our best to cause damage. He's pretty powerful.”

Laying your elbows on your knees, you look directly at the camera.

“I mean you've seen the room right? He's fucking obsessed, someone has to off him or just—I honestly think he should just move on.” shrugging you sip your tea that he made for you.

“Is that why you're living with him?” They ask unabashedly. The camera zooms out, showing you still in your pajamas, complete with fluffy slippers.

“Uh—”

Hobie appears in the corner, leaning on the doorway casually, a similar pajama pants hanging low on his hips.

“Darling, have you seen my good jumper—?”

You take your crossbow from under the chair, twisting in your seat, you aim it at his head, shooting, the arrow whizzes past him, he ducks down as the arrow imbeds into the oak.

Hobie laughs on the floor, lifting up a black and red jumper. “Found it!”

“Goddamnit.” The word is laced with endearment. You turn back towards the crew, eyes narrowed at them. “Wait, why are you guys here so early?”

Support banner by @/cafekitsune

A/N: Thank you for reading! And happy 1k! 🎉

#in pursuit of blood #in pursuit of blood series #the kr8tor's creations #hobie brown x reader #spider punk x reader #hobie brown #atsv fanfiction #atsv fanfic #atsv x reader #atsv hobie #spider punk #spider punk x you #hobie brown x you #hobie brown x fem!reader #spider punk x fem!reader #vampire!au #vampire! hobie brown #vampire! hobie brown x reader #vampire! hobie #vampire hunter! reader #cw blood #tw violence #WWDITS AU #mockumentary au #1k special #hobie fluff #hobie x reader #fanfic

[gonzo-rella]

Imagine: Guillermo (Begrudgingly) Introducing You, His Asexual Friend, To Nandor

MASTERLIST | AO3 | KO-FI

Relationship(s): Guillermo de La Cruz x gn!(sex averse/neutral) asexual!virgin!reader (platonic), Nandor the Relentless x gn! (sex averse/neutral) asexual!virgin!reader (unspecified)

Warnings: Non-graphic references to sex. Maybe some things that could be viewed as a tad insensitive to aces, but please keep in mind that I’m ace and that this is just light-hearted fluff. (Let me know if I need to add any)

(A/N: I had this idea when watching the vampire orgy episode. I know that not all of my fellow aces are virgins, and that some are sexually active (good on you for getting that [insert genital/s of preference]). However, I figured it’d be nice to write a WWDITS ace!reader-insert fic, and I also figured having a virgin!reader would be a good premise for a quick, funny imagine. I’m definitely thinking of writing more Nandor x ace!reader stuff in the future so keep an eye out for that or even request some yourself. [Insert obligatory begging for WWDITS requests, because I love everyone in this polycule])

“Guillermo!” you greeted. Who knew you’d run into him in the party aisle of the supermarket?

You briefly eyed the camera crew who were following him and filming you.

Initially, he smiled genuinely, but faltered when he heard Nandor approach him from behind, remembering the vampire’s presence. However, he managed to promptly plaster the smile back on his face.

“Y/N! Hey...” he replied, his voice trembling slightly.

The unfamiliar man now beside him glanced between the two of you uncertainly, but his eyes finally landed on you. His smile seemed a tad strange, but it was endearing in its own way nonetheless.

“Guillermo,” he said, revealing his foreign accent, though you were more fixated on his eccentric (albeit quite snazzy) outfit. “Who is this?”

“Uh...this is my friend...Y/N.” Guillermo introduced stiffly. He looked over at you. “Y/N, this is...Nandor.”

“My, my, Guillermo,” Nandor murmured. “Your friend smells delectable.”

“Oh, uh, thanks, I guess.” you said sheepishly. “It’s just deodorant, though.”

Nandor looked at you blankly, though he continued to smile. He leaned down to Guillermo, bending his knees awkwardly so his mouth was level with his familiar’s ear.

“Guillermo, why don’t you invite them to the orgy?” he whispered with all the subtlety of a lightning strike. Guillermo’s face fell.

Your eyes widened and you swallowed your saliva.

“An...orgy?” you repeated incredulously. “That’s nice of you...to invite me. But, I’m not really an orgy kind of person. Or a sex kind of person, really.”

Noticing Nandor’s faded smile, you couldn’t help but continue to ramble to this man you barely knew. Heat rose to your cheeks.

“I’m not judgemental!” you blurted, painfully aware of Guillermo’s grimace (though you misinterpreted its meaning). “I’m just asexual...so I’m not really into people...in the sexual way...”

You finally forced your mouth shut.

“Even better.” Nandor declared. 

His smile returned, even wider than before. You knitted your brows.

“Um-”

“You do not have to partake in the sexual intercourse.” he insisted. “You can come...for the food. There will be-”

Once again, he leaned down to speak in Guillermo’s ear. Guillermo stared into the lens of the camera. You glanced over at the camera too.

“Guillermo, what do these asexuals eat?”

Guillermo sighed, but his eyes almost lit up when he realised he may have had a way out of this conversation.

“Garlic bread.”

“No! You know that won’t do.” Nandor hissed at him scornfully. “Fucking guy.

“What else?”

“Cake...” Guillermo conceded through gritted teeth

“Cake?” you repeated. “I’m down for cake.”

Nandor grinned and rubbed his hands together in glee. “Cake you shall have, then.”

Once again, Guillermo, less than happy, sent a glare to the camera.

#guillermo de la cruz x reader #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless x reader #nandor the relentless #nandor x reader #nandor #x reader #x gn!reader #x gn reader #x gender neutral!reader #x gender neutral reader #x asexual!reader #x asexual reader #wwdits x reader #wwdits #what we do in the shadows x reader #what we do in the shadows #imagine #asexual #ace #asexual!reader #ace!reader

[tiktaalic]

awhile back i took a wwdits x coded y girl quiz n it was like you know typical armchair psychiatrist stuff but the IMPROTANT thing. is that it was lazlo coded nadja girl. it's true. i go wow cool wife! when nadja's on screen. JUST. like lazlo.

#etxt

[sardonic-the-writer]

───── ❝ fuck them kids! ❞ ─────

gossip | nadja x reader | headcanons

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆ ♝

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits x reader #wwdits x you #wwdits x y/n #laszlo cravensworth #nadja of antipaxos #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #x reader #fanfiction #masterlist

[cyberstrm]

sleeping with nandor hcs

nandor x gn!afab!human!reader

18+, minors dni!!!! nsfw ahead

very loving when being intimate with you. he can be rough, but it comes from a place of wanting to enjoy and please you rather than simply fucking you

prefers to have you on top so he can look at you and take you in fully

verrrry handy. grips your hips and waist and pulls you onto him, deeper and deeper

he has to physically resist the urge to bite you,,,.,, sometimes he fails,,..,,and you go to sleep covered in bruises and bite marks

"apologies, my little dove, you just look so delicious~"

quiet. annoyingly quiet. he grunts sometimes, especially when he's close, but other than that he's too focused on you to make the effort to moan unless you're the dominant one in which case he is VERY loud

he forgets his strength sometimes and digs his nails into you. you more often than not go to bed BATTERED ,,,.,,,

loves giving you attention and making sure you're satisfied. he's the dominant one, but will do whatever you ask in order to please you

"tell me what you want, my prince."

ok no i take it back he'a an ABSOLUTE bottom sometimes 100%, if you pull or even just TOUCH his hair he becomes such a sub, he absolutely melts and is very whiny

so good at aftercare oh my gOD he insists on doing EVERYTHING for you, he cleans you up, bandages any wounds, brings you snacks, and if things are really messy he'll bathe you and wrap you in a blanket before putting you to bed

"are you cozy, my sweet?"

not a huge fan of cuddles ordinarily but understands that you need a lot of care and attention so will hold you as long as you need, planting kissing all over you

#wwdits #nandor x reader #nandor the relentness #what we do in the shadows #x reader #x gender neutral reader #x you #x y/n #nadja #laszlo cravensworth

[neighbourshouse]

Quality Time Pt.2 (WWDITS)

Nadja x Female Reader

Summary: Nadja wants to know more about you.

Warnings: Kissing, cursing, the usual Nadja. Mostly fluff.

Authors note: Hi guysssssss. Yeah. It's been a minute. I apologize. But I'm back! Please let me know if I should continue this series or stop and write something different. Or both! I also want to explore other characters from different shows, so keep an eye open...

Additionally, I heard the news. I can not bear this world anymore. Season 6 will be the last. I am praying that another network will pick the show up, it truly is so special.

Anyway, here's part two.

Pt. 1: https://www.tumblr.com/neighbourshouse/730947529425944576/quality-time-wwdits?source=share

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Much time had passed. Your heart swooned and so did hers, but neither of you knew that. She appreciated how you listened and your interest, you appreciated her wanting to spend time with you.

Nadja had been talking for a few hours now, the time being nearly 11 p.m. How could you complain, this could be the only time you ever get to spend with her.

She was so lost in thought that she unconsciously switched between running her fingers through your hair and playing with your hands. She was so cute, gaze wandering around the room as she spoke, still kicking her feet like a child.

Your eyes were growing heavy, but you didn’t want to stop listening. To try to get yourself to wake up you shifted to lying on your side, propping yourself up on your arm. 

Sleep was calling you, dragging its nails comfortably against your back.

Nadja had let her eyes fall back to your face, taking in your sleepy state. She slowly began to stop talking. 

“What’s wrong?” you said, confused. That made you brighten up.

Nadja could only smile, letting her hand wander to your hair again, combing it behind your ear. Her hand then softly cupped your cheek.

Yeah, you were definitely awake now.

“My love, I can see your eyes. Why so tired?”  Nadja rubbed her thumb over your cheekbone as a blush crossed your face.

“I’m sorry- I don’t mean to be. I swear I’m listening!” You began to wipe the leftover sleep from your eyes, trying not to smudge your eyeliner and mascara.

Nadja removed your hands from your face with her own, holding onto your wrists. Slowly, one at a time, she wiped residual makeup from under your eyes.

She had become so gentle with you; So gentle that you couldn’t tell who was the putty in the other’s hands.

She smiled at your dozy face. 

“Darling, it’s ok…lay back down and close your eyes if you would like.”

Your eyes flicked between hers.

“But I don’t want to…” you spoke quietly. You knew if you did what she said then she would leave. Sleep could wait for you.

“Baby I can tell you are oh so sleepy.” Her tone had become deep and sultry, a smirk threatened to grace her lips.

‘WHAT THE FUCK!’ you thought. You had butterflies in your stomach and why the word "baby"? She only used that with Lazslo.  But hey, who were you to question.

Your already pink cheeks flushed darker, telling Nadja what she was doing was working. You didn’t realize how close the two of you were the whole time; Your faces a few inches apart. She was staring into your eyes and you didn’t stop her, you knew you never could.

For a minute the two of you didn’t speak, sitting comfortably in each other’s silence. Nadja liked listening to you breathe.

“You know you’re quite pretty?” she said it so gently. Her gaze had flicked down to your lips and back to your eyes.

It felt like too much. You slowly turned your head away from her, hiding the grin that had spread on your lips. Nadja giggled slightly at this.

“let me see that pretty face….” With her one hand, she took your chin and guided you back to how you were before. 

"There it is..." She smirked. If flames could be moulded into hearts, that is what Nadja had behind her eyes.

You wanted what was happening to happen. You’d dreamed of it. But why? She had never shown you ANY sort of affection like this before. Did she feel she owed you for listening to her? Was this how she repaid you for your time? This is all you’ve ever wanted since the moment that you met, so why didn’t you just reach up and kiss her?

“Nadja…” 

“Yes?…” She had leaned even closer to you.

“Do you feel you owe me?”

“For what?” She still held her gentle tone.

“For listening to you….” Now you were being foolish. You have a beautiful woman sitting practically in your lap and you’re asking this shit? 

“No.”

“oh…why?”

She paused before responding, letting her eyes roam around your face briefly. 

“y/n, I can tell you are genuine. You have a good heart. Something I don’t have.” A hint of sadness passed through her voice.

You frowned. All you could think about was how good her heart was to you. You wish she didn’t think that.

You leaned forward and kissed her gently. Nadja closed her eyes and slightly moaned.

And then you pulled back.

Nadja opened her eyes. There was no sadness anymore, it had been replaced with adoration, maybe even something close to love.

She didn’t move. She didn’t fight to get more. She just admired you.

“Out of all the people I have ever been with- and I’ve been with quite a few-” You both giggled. 

“No one has…no one has been like this before.”

“Like what?” you say with a raise of a brow. You wanted her to finish her thought.

There was a long pause as she searched your eyes. 

“Like… they cared about me.” it was barely a whisper.

Your heart melted. 

“Nadja, how can I not care about you?” You whispered.

You didn’t think it was possible but a tear fell from her eye and onto your cheek. It felt cold against your warm skin.

A watery laugh escaped her as the hand that was still cupping your cheek wiped away the tear. Your frown had turned into a small smile with teary eyes.

Continuing, you spoke in a hushed tone.

“When I first met you, I thought you were going to kill me. You licked the side of my neck and thanked Guillermo for the snack...” Both of you laughed again. “And I wasn’t sure if you actually would kill me, or if I would live long enough to see how strong the feelings I have for you could get.” You stiffened at this. Well, you really let that one out, didn’t you? But Nadja didn’t draw away, she only caressed your cheek urging you to continue.

“As incredibly beautiful as you are, for anyone to not see past your beauty and admire your gorgeous mind and character, they are fools.” 

Nadja practically leaped forward, kissing you again. You broke for air, almost gasping, but she took that as an opportunity to deepen the kiss. You couldn’t complain. She kissed you with so much passion, yet she was gentle.

Finally, you separated, letting air catch your lungs once again. Your hands had fallen to her hips as she straddled your lap. Her arms lazily flung around your shoulders, she played with your hair as she placed kisses all over your face. 

She stopped to look at you, your eyes meeting.

“So…” you said.

“So…” She mimicked, a big goofy grin planted on her face.

“What do we do now?” 

“Well, we could fuc-“

“No I mean-“ You cut her off before she could finish her sentence. Yes, what she was about to say was more than intriguing, but, you meant it more in the sense of ‘So, that happened, where do we go from here because you’re a vampire, I’m a mortal, and you have a husband.’ type of way.

“I know what you mean…” She said, her eyes lowering to her hands that played with the hem of your shirt.

“Y/n, I have lived for hundreds of years and have yet to experience someone like you. Yes, I have a husband who I love, but also, we both understand that we’re immortal and should be allowed to do what we please. I can love more than one person.”

She had looked back up at you but your eyes had now averted to where your hands lay; at her waist playing with the fabric of her dress.

You looked up meeting her gaze, thinking for a moment.

“Can I ask you a question?” You said gently.

“Of course my love.”

“Would you be interested in trying on some of my clothes?”

Nadja wore a puzzled look on her face.

“If we’re going to be doing this more often, then you’re gonna need to wear something a little lighter. I love your outfits but I’m not immortal and need my ribs.” you said.

She laughed. A genuine laugh.

“Yes it’s true, the dresses are very heavy.” 

“And you look beautiful in them.” 

Nadja blushes at your comment. She couldn’t help herself. Once again she grabbed your face -a little rougher this time- and planted a firm kiss on your lips.

#nadja of antipaxos #nadja x y/n #nadja x reader #what we do in the shadows #nadja of antipaxos x reader #nandor the relentless #laszlo cravensworth #guillermo de la cruz #colin robinson #nadja wwdits #nadja doll

[lem0nshark-writes]

"Flowers"

Deacon Brücke x Gender Neutral Reader

Word count: 532

Warnings: fluffff, another short little idea that came to my mind :), and also another gender neutral one! :)

As you were finishing your monthly duity of dusting around the house, you spotted your bodyfriend Deacon lounging on the couch in the main room, focused on his knitting.

You floated from top of the ceiling towards him, landing softly on the spot on the couch next to him, kissing his cheek with a smile on your face.

The sudden sensation on his cheek broke him out of his thoughts and he looked up, smiling when he saw you next to him, "Hey!"

"Heyy," you wrapped your arms around him into a big hug, "what are you up to?" you examined his work which he placed on the couch next to him so he could wrap his arms around you, pulling you closer and into his lap.

"Just knitting some sweater," he said as he burried his face into your hair right after smooching your cheek.

"It looks lovely, can I see?" you asked, hand already reaching for it, curious about his new project.

He just nodded into your neck with a "mhm", but then moved so you can examine his half-finished work of art properly.

"Hey are those (your favourite flower)?" you asked as your face lit up, amazed by his skills and with how beautiful the flowers came out.

He nodded with a smile, "Do you like it?" he asked, hoping for a positive reaction because as a matter of fact he was making that sweater as a small gift for you.

You nodded vigorously, "It is gorgeous!"

He was relieved, smiling at you warmly "I'm glad to hear that."

"Do let me know when it is done, I'd love to see it," you smiled and sunk into his lap even further as he put the sweater on the little side table by the couch.

"Deal," he added with a smile still on his face. You let you arms wrap back around his waist and snuggled closer into his chest. He wrapped his arms around you as well and kissed the top of your head.

You smiled up at him and he leaned down, kissing you onto your lips. The kiss which your very gladly returned.

The two of you then proceeded to chat about how your days, or should I say nights, went, snuggling against each other in the comfort of the softness of the couch.

The next night, as you've been awoken from your slumber by Viago and rose from your comfy coffin you noticed something neatly placed on a chair by the wall of the room.

You looked at it in question as you approached. On the chair there laid a neatly folded sweater, and on it a bouquet of (your favourite flower).

You took in a waft of the flowers, admiring the scent for a moment before moving to the sweater. You picked it up gently and unfolded it, taking a look.

"He finished it-" you smiled happily being amazed at how intricately it was knitted and how gorgeously it came out, "wait .. it was for me the whole time?.. oh Deacon~"

Well lets just say it would be an understatement to note that you didn't get out of that sweater for a long long time.

#deacon brucke #deacon brücke #what we do in the shadows #what we do in the shadows movie #wwdits #male reader #gender neutral reader #female reader #x reader #reader insert #y/n #wwdits fanfic #wwdits fanfiction #deacon brucke x reader #deacon brucke x male reader #deacon brucke x gender neutral reader #deacon brucke x female reader #fluff #oneshot #fanfiction #fanfic #wwdits deacon #x male reader #x female reader #x gender neutral reader #f/m #m/m #s/o #male!reader #female!reader

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Forgive, But First Fun - Nandor x f(vampire) reader

Summary: After getting left behind to fight off a pack of werewolves on your own, now mad at Nandor, you and Nadja have decided a little night out couldn’t hurt.

Warning: slight angst, fluff, fun times, and a tiny smut mention

Masterlist

Trudging angrily through the manors wooden doors, face stern and almost scary enough to put the fear of God into anyone. Your boots stomp into the large opening and onto the wooden floor boards as Gullimero, Nandor, and the documentary crew follow you in.

Your cloak is ripped and dirty as it lays in a pathetic black heap of cloth in Gullimero’s arms, your hair not looking any better, not to mention your face and arms that have various cuts paired with grass smudge marks adoring your skin. All in all you look like a hot mess.

“What the fuck happened to you lot? You’ve been gone all night.” Questions Laszlo as he walks into view from out of one of the hallways, his eyes scanning over a perfectly clean and handsome Nandor, then over to the dirty crew and disheveled Guillermo who’s got some leaves stuck to his hair.

“I don’t know.” You snap sarcastically, “How about you ask Mr. Dodgy-shit-stick over there.” Referring to Nandor who’s looking anywhere but you, keeping as silent as ever.

Gullimero looks between you and Nandor, then back at a confused Laszlo. “Oh, um they’re not speaking to each other right now.”

“And why the fuck not?”

Guillermo sighs before leaning towards Laszlo, “Nandor wanted to graffiti where the werewolves live and Y/N said he’d get caught and then Nandor said no I won’t and then he did.”

Laszlo raises a curious brow, “That’s it?”

“Oh, um....” Guillermo awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, suddenly pulling off a green leaf, “then they chased us to the park and when the pack closed in on us Nandor turned into a bat and left us behind so Y/N had to fight one of them off so we could escape and now we’re here.”

“Well that sounds rather exciting.”

“Not at the time.” Whispers Guillermo to no one in particular as he glances over at the camera.

“Huh,” Mutters Laszlo thoughtfully, scratching his beard as he thinks of how to help this situation, “well if you two dingbats aren’t talking to one another I believe Nadja needs you Y/N. Something about....well actually I’m not entirely sure.”

Perking up ever so slightly at this positive news, you cross your arms over your chest defiantly, “Well since someone does, I’ll be going then.” You grumble with a low growl at your Nandor who’s refusing to make eye contact while he stares frustrated at the floor.

Nodding in acknowledgment, Laszlo watches you stomp angrily up the steps before turning his head over to Nandor who’s now watching you leave with big sad eyes.

“Alright why’d you do it?” Interrogates Laszlo with a raised brow.

“Do whaaat?” Replies Nandor defensively, his once high and mighty aurora reappearing in an instant.

Rolling his eyes, Laszlo sets a hand on his hip sassily, “Well I sure as hell don’t want an angry Y/N wandering around this old place for the next however the fuck it takes you both to make up....in however fashion that may be. So I ask again, why’d you puss out and flee like a mangy opossum?”

Pursing his lips together in apprehensive embarrassment, Nandor mutters to himself before finally crossing his arms over his broad chest and sighing, “Because......I....I don’t know I panicked!” Exclaims the large vampire, causing Laszlo to start laughing. “Why are you laughing?”

Wiping a fake tear from his eye, Laszlo lets out a few more chuckles before finally composing himself, “My good man that is the second saddest thing I’ve ever heard. The first being when one of my many victims offered me one of their rare and exclusive Poki-muns card which I still have no idea what the fuck they were on about. Anyways, doesn’t matter, all I’ll tell is that you better make it up to her.”

“But she’s scary when she’s angryyy.” Whines Nandor with a frown.

“That’s all women my young pup, but since your lovely lady is a vampire she’s more dangerous.” He says while giving Nandor a kind pat on the back, “So uh, stay safe out there.” Adds Laszlo before turning and walking down the hallway leaving Nandor with his thoughts, Gullimero, and the documentary’s camera crew.

“What are you all looking at!” Snaps Nandor to the rest of the room.

——

“Oh my goodnessess that’s awful, my poor dark angel.” Soothes Nadja as you take a moment from your long and needed rant about the adventures in the park and Nandor’s cowardly stupidity. “That big hairy rhino doesn’t deserve you Y/N.” She reasons honestly, doing her best to make you feel better, knowing all to well the level of competent decision making skills of the other two vampires in the house.

“I know.” You mutter in agreement, your body tense and agitated as you pace back and forth in front of her as she sits in a chair, “Fucking beautiful idiot prick horse-fart of a husband. Urgghhh!” You proclaim loudly while throwing your hands into the air angrily, causing the furniture in the room to screech backwards across the old flooring at your outburst of vampiric energy. Nadja’s long obsidian hair blowing backwards as you do so while she keeps seated, unflinching.

Face softening, she gives you a sympathetic smile, “Oh my lovely fierce lioness, I know exactly what will make that sad little frown turn into a happy one.” Beams Nadja with an excited clap of her hands.

Hugging your sides, you let out a frustrated huff before giving your old friend a shrug, “What do you have in mind?”

——

“So we’re at the carnival!” Claps Nadja in delight as she smiles at the camera, “This will hopefully relieve Y/N’s pent up angers and keep her mind off of Nandor.....for now.” She adds a bit uncertainly.

“HA HA take that fuckers!” You shout joyfully from behind her, the camera panning over to you at the ball toss where you’ve been knocking down plastic bottles with a rubber ball. The stall owner cowering in the corner as he shields himself with a stuffed zebra.

The camera focuses back on Nadja, “I think it’s going really well so far.” She confirms with a convincing grin. “Relieving all that..uh....rage.” 

After winning a stuffed snake taller then you and deciding to wear it as a strange fashionable scarf, you and Nadja are wandering the carnivals streets while people watching to pass the time.

“So that’s why I never walk on the roof after 3am when I’ve had homeless man’s blood.” Rambles Nadja as your thoughts about Nandor come trickling down into your brain and nose. Huh, strange, must be cause you’re still wearing a thin red scarf of his.

No, stop thinking about him.

“Good lesson learned then,” You add with the flash of a smile before nudging her shoulder gently, “hey you wanna watch me win you something cool?”

Perking up in an instant, Nadja smiles a devilish fangy grin as she stops to eye up the multiple game stalls, “Why I would be delighted my dear Y/N, how about....um, oooh I want that giant tropical fishy with the long whiskers over there.” Points Nadja as your eyes travel over to the game stall with the large prizes.

It’s a game that requires the individual to shoot an arrow directly on three different sized bullseye’s stationed at various heights. Smiling like an idiot, you nudge your vampiric acquaintance in agreement, the both of you quickly swaggering over to the carnival game and it’s plush flashy prizes just screaming to be won.

“Hello good sir, my skilled roommate Y/N here is going to win me that fish.” Beams Nadja proudly as the teenager jumps off his chair to greet the two of you.

He smells like weed but surprisingly looks decent all things considered, “Uh yeah alright, two bucks for three arrows, hit every target directly on the middle red mark and if you make it on the bonus poster on the far back wall then you’ll have a chance to win that fish, good luck.” Mumbles the kid unenthusiastically as you slide him the cash.

Picking up the shitty yet still functional carnival bow, you give Nadja a wink before fitting an arrow in the nock and pulling back, lining up the shot and releasing directly into the first target to the left. Smirking to yourself you quickly draw again, hitting your second mark just as intended. Pays to be a skilled archer huh.

“Damn that’s pretty good aim.” Nods the teen as he watches in awe as you fit another arrow, releasing and punching a hole in the middle of the third target.

Nadja claps in excitement from behind you, “Yes! Win me that colorful fat bitch my feisty lioness!”

Standing like a warrior ready for battle with your bow in hand and wind blowing in your face, the kid almost drops the arrow he hands you for the winning shot as he practically swoons.

“Get those scissors ready, that fish is mine.” You growl in determination while picturing Nandor’s head as the final target, drawing back, you let the arrow fly straight into the bonus target. Winning Nadja her giant fish plushy.

“Yessss!” Shouts Nadja in delight as you drop the bow onto the table like a bad bitch before eyeing up the kid with a raised brow, “We’ll be taking the fish now.”

Wide eyed he almost falls off his chair, “Wait um, that’s the last one...I didn’t think, uh, my boss doesn’t want me to give away those ones.” He stutters out.

“What!” Snaps Nadja, “Then why are they just hanging there? You lied to us you little shit!”

“I’m sorry.” He pleads apologetically, “That’s what my boss told me. And no one ever wins the big prizes anyway so I didn’t think...”

“Well your boss he can eat a big horse turd cause I’m taking that fish.” You growl before jumping up and unhooking the fish from its perch above your heads, handing it to a practically glowing with joy Nadja who immediately hugs the thing.

Sticking your tongue out at the teen, you and Nadja turn to leave before a boney hand is suddenly on your shoulder, twisting around in an agitated instant, your face is mere inches from the wide eyed boy as he attempts to look even a tad bit threatening.

“No.” Is the only thing that slips from your tongue before your hand shoves him back, his whole body going air bound into the back of the carnival tent while the kid lets out a panicked scream.

“Ooooh Y/N that was very sexy of you.” Smirks Nadja while wiggling her dark brows, “Too bad a certain cowardly lion wasn’t here to see it.”

Petting the stuffed toy snake around your neck absentmindedly, you smile back a fangy grin, “Yes. Too bad.”

Continuing on your late night stroll through the carnival you both pass by random strangers, families, elders, children, and lovers all minding their sweet business completely unawares to the dark supernatural world walking right past them.

Although you’re quite enjoying this time spent with your best friend in the whole wide world, a low dull feeling of emptiness can’t help but creep into your undead being the more you catch sight of new and old couples walking together.

Sensing your growing sadness, Nadja nudges your shoulder playfully to gain your distracted attention, “Hello in there my black rose, what is on your mind?”

Holding the snake close to your body, a small smile creeps its way onto your face knowing she’s looking out for you, though it’s gone soon enough, “Oh you know....uh....blood.” You mutter unenthusiastically, trying to keep your thoughts away from Nandor and how much you miss him right now.

“Blood is it? But we just fed before attending the carnival.” Inquires Nadja in confusion as she keeps a normal pace at your side while the two of you follow the sidewalk past various shops and restaurants. “What is actually plaguing your mind my dear one?” She wonders with a frown, not keen on seeing you upset and in a grey mood.

Biting your lip anxiously, though not hard enough to draw blood, you walk past a couple more people before your eyes catch the sight of a small black bat disappearing behind a corner building just up ahead.

Squinting your eyes, your nose suddenly catches the scent of someone very familiar, “Nandor?”

Turning her head to face you, Nadja’s brows furrow in puzzlement, “What? No my sweet hurricane, forget that mangy old bear he’s not important right now.” Urges Nadja as she looks forward, suddenly surprised to catch a glimpse of someone who looks a lot like Guillermo racing behind the same corner you saw the bat fly behind. “Okay um what the fuck? Did you see that too?”

Glancing at Nadja you nod before quickening your steps as she does the same, her skirts flowing as she tries to catch up with you, though you’re much faster and with lack of annoying dress material, “Wait! You’re too fast.” Yelps Nadja.

Ignoring her protests you book it down the sidewalk like a maniac, almost running into a jogger before skidding round the corner of the brick building and coming face to face with a wide eyed Guillermo who gasps in surprise. Nudging him to the side, your eyes immediately fall upon the nervous fangy grin of your Nandor.

He gives you a shy little wave before shuffling awkwardly in place, awaiting your rampage of verbal and possibly physical assault that he’s certain is in the near future.

Taking a deep breath, you cross your arms over your chest defensively, “Were you following me?”

“Um, well.....I might have been....but only to make sure you were okay.” Mutters Nandor honestly, eyes shifting from you to the ground nervously as he awaits your wrath.

Pursing your lips together in thought, you shake your head before taking off the stuffed toy snake and holding it firmly in your hands. With a low growl do you grasp the snake in your right hand and hold it back like you might swing at any moment.

“You’re a fucking nincompoop you know that right?” Slips from your mouth without an once of anger lacing your words, instead do you hand the snake to Gullimero as Nandor watches in puzzled fear.

Taking a swift step forward, you point a finger into his strong chest while looking sternly up at him, “Racing off and leaving me too fight that angry bitch all by myself, and now following me when I needed a break from you! Nandor....... you’re something else.” You add with a shake of your head.

“Yes I know, and I’m sorry my love.” Smiles Nandor with saddened eyes, “I promise to keep you save from now on and fight off any werewolf who tries to hurt you....even if I am scared.”

Taking a step back, you can’t help the smirk that forms onto your face at his sweet words of forgiveness and sincerity. You know how much he fears werewolves and that he fled the scene thinking you were planning on following too, not realizing that you might actually give a shit about Gullimero’s and the crew’s lives.

“Oh my dear puff dragon,” You declare softly with a small smile, reaching both hands out to grasp his own, “I forgive you.”

Nandor’s face breaks out into the biggest and happiest grin you’ve seen since his last birthday when he walked into your shared crypt only to find you naked and holding a bushel of red roses while seated seductively on his coffin.

“Oh that’s fantastic because I was really missing you.” Reveals Nandor with a gentle squeeze of your hands. “Laszlo and Guillermo can’t make me laugh nearly as much as you can, they’re honestly rather boring.” He says before leaning in closer to whisper, “and not very attractive to look at either.” Causing you to crack another grin and your undead heart to fill with butterflies. 

Chuckling you reach up with one hand to pull his collar closer to you and a second later do your lips clash sweetly against one another in a heated moment of passion. He smiles into the kiss before moving to pull you in closer with both of his hands, one slipping low to cheekily pinch your round bottom.

Feeling him against you once again has to be the best sensation in the whole entirety of the world even if you’ve only been separated for a couple of hours. You absolutely love the way his fingers dig into your back and bum with an animalistic eagerness that’s slowly starting to drive you insane. Oh, the things he does to you.

Especially how his tongue slips into your mouth with ease while you tug at his hair long dark locks. “Y/N!” Suddenly shouts Nadja.

“Nandor!”

Begrudgingly pulling away, you turn around to face the confused lady vampire while Nandor hugs you from behind, happily smirking at her, knowing she can’t do anything to hurt him now. “Yes Nadja.” You answer.

With the fish plushy hung over her shoulder, her brows furrow in confusion, “What the fuck are you doing? I thought you were mad at him?”

“Yeah well, I was starting to really miss him and also I’m kind of horny now so.” You reply with a shrug as Nandor hugs you tighter, resting his bearded chin against your head while Nadja huffs in defeat.

“Alright. See you at home then.” Adds Nadja before turning towards Guillermo and shoving the giant carnival fish into his arms, “Hold this Gizmo I’m going home.” Then just like that she’s gone in a black wispy poof, flying away in bat form towards the vampire resistance on Staten Island.

“Okay then.” Mutters Gullimero as he looks up at the dark sky.

Feeling a wet kiss on the side of your face and neck you smile before turning around to face your dear husband, “Shall we take flight to seek out our bed chambers?” You speak slyly in a soft yet seductive voice.

“Yes.” Grins Nandor with a flash of lust and excitement before turning his attention over to Guillermo, “Hey Guillermo I’m leaving to make passionate love to my wife so don’t bother us or I will have a rat shit in your pillowcase. Okay?”

You giggle to yourself as Gullimero’s cheeks redden while he side eyes the camera, “Understood master. Have fun.” Squeaks out the loyal familiar as he stands there awkwardly with his hands full of two carnival prizes.

Nandor sneakily squeezes your bottom once more as he gives Gullimero a knowing smirk, “Oh, we will.” Then a second later you two are flying high above the city in bat form, ready to make love to your sweet Nandor for probably the twentieth time that week.

Down below the camera pans over to Gullimero as he blinks, “Well uh, I have these things now..” He says, holding up the fish, “and I am so not looking forward to cleaning up their mess.......again.”

#I love me some himbo vampire what can I say #nandor the relentless #what we do in the shadows #Nandor #Nandor x reader #nandor x you #nandor x y/n #wwdits #what we do in the shadows x reader #fanfiction #my fanfic

[raggedy-dxctor]

vampire izzy headcanons

ofmd x wwdits brainrot produced this enjoy xx

pairing(s): vampire!izzy hands x reader

warnings: tooth rotting fluff, mentions of defanging, but none actually takes place, mentions od reader being in pain

well stumbling upon a vessel of vampires was definitely. an experience and to add to it the most grouchy of the immortal crew saved your life?? defending you with every ounce of his being from his originally blood thirsty and hostile crew mates?

honestly he's so tender and caring like. to the crew he's the stereotypical cruel and cold hearted vampire, but to you?? he's literally the most caring and loyal person ever

you'd literally never feel unsafe around him. sure he could literally kill you and drain you of your blood right on the spot, but he vowed to you that he'll keep you safe

i feel like he's offered to defang himself for you on multiple occasions

"y/n are you. scared of me? bec4if so i can rip these out! to make you feel more safe!" "izzy, no, please don't do that it's not necessary im not scared of you!" "hey y/n as ive said i'd defang myself in a he-" "don't you dare. i trust you izzy, i promise"

honestly just hearing that you trust him makes him fall for you on a whole new level like he thought he couldn't fall any harder, but in that moment he's completely head over heels. "t-tha k you y/n, truly" he just grabs your hands and places them on his chest, where a heartbeat used to be and grins at you, showing his fangs as his cheeks dust a slight tint of pink

i feel like he really hasn't been a vampire for long, probably like ten years, so he's still pretty in touch with society and stuff but he just loves to hear you talk so he lets you ramble on about wl what's happened over the past ten years and acts completely oblivious

"izzy? why the fuck are you acting as if you don't know that? you ranted about that to ke with the sake passionate firey anger nine ye-" izzy just elbows ed in the stomach and gives him an expression that just says 'shit the fuck up', his eye twitching slightly as he masks the death glare he's almost giving him

i don't think he'd be a big fan of the idea of turning you to he honest

""y/n, you have to understand, vampirism is not something that you should look fondly on" befofe your relationship vs "y/n daring. id love nothing more than to be with you for eternity, but vampirism id a curse!" as you're in a relationship. he just gently places a cold hand on your cheek and strokes it slightly, giving you a sad smile as you press his hand further into your cheek and bring it towards your lips, kissing his ring and his knuckle before looking into his eyes and gently smiling. "i understand what you're saying iz, you don't have to turn me if you don't want to" you promise and he lets out a sugh of relief, leaning in to kiss you gently.

after non stop thinking about it he decides he'll turn you, but very reluctantly and even as he's telling you that he'll be happy to turn you, you're reassuring him that if it's not something he wants to do then he absolutely does not even have to consider it. but he just stips your rambling by placing a hand on your cheek and turning your head towards him. "i want to. if you're ok with being turned then i want to spend the rest of my life with you" as he looks into your eyes earnestly, which are filled witj curiosity, adoration and excitement

the moment when he turns you is so. special. so intimate??? like. "this is going to hurt im so sorry, but the pain will pass. i'll be here every moment of every hour for you" you nod as him and smile, kissing him for the final time as a human "slight pain is nothing if o get to spend eternity with you"

im not gonna lie, it's probably fucking agony. but true to his word izzy does not lave your side for your entire transformation. you ask him whu afterward and he just shrugs, cuddling closer to you as he places his head ontop of yours. "i wish i had someone there for me, i went through it aand i would never wish that upon anyone, lus i love you so" his hand finds tours and entangles your fingers, the other hanging off the top of the sofa as he lets out a contented sigh. "im so sorry, i wish i could've been there all those years ago, i love you too iz" he smiles, kisses the top of your head, squeezes your hand and lies his head back down. moments later you hear soft snoring coming from him.

honestly the absolute best thing to do is go flying with him in bat form like??? imagine flyimg with him, side by side over the ocean, no one to disturb you as you chase eachother through the night

#izzy hands #izzy hands x reader #our flag means death #our flag means death fanfiction #our flag means death x reader #con o'neill

[metaphorical-love-for-a-car]

Hello, Fishies!-- Viago (WWDITS) x Reader

Prompt: got the idea for this from @alphabetaus​‘s Aquarium AU prompt batch!

Warnings; swearing

Word Count; 1.4k

Notes; this isn’t the best fic I’ve written but it’s alright lol

    You and Nick had been friends since you were in diapers. Sure, he could occasionally be an asshole, but you went through thick and thin together. You were actually roommates when he was bitten, so you were the one stuck taking care of him as he made his transformation. You, understandably, freaked the fuck out. It took some time to wrap your mind around it, but his new behaviors soon grew bearable enough for you. It didn't take Nick long to introduce you to his vampire buddies. He brought you and Stu along to one of their usual clubbing nights, an idea you found hilarious. The evening ended up being more fun than you could've possibly imagined. The vampires quickly adopted you and Stu into their group, assuring the both of you that you were welcome at their flat at any time.

    It had become a sort of personal mission for you and Stu to introduce the vampires to technology. The poor things were clueless to anything modernized. So, the two of you spent a lot of time at their place. Probably more than you did in your own home. During this time, you got the closest to Viago. He tended to follow you around like a lost puppy. He seemed utterly fascinated by everything you did.

    One day, you were lazing on their couch, mindlessly browsing the internet on your laptop while Stu set up a TV. Deacon and Vlad were asking Stu a million questions about televisions and cable, and Viago kept his attention trained on you. He was so focused on watching you type, he nearly jumped out of his seat when you gasped. You excitedly tapped your laptop's screen. "Look! The aquarium is having a glow in the dark event tonight!" Viago's brows knit together.

    "What's that?"

    "Glow in the dark events are the best! Basically, they turn most of the main lights off and just have black lights on to make everything more glowey. They usually hand out a ton of glowsticks, too!" Viago shook his head, and you realized that he probably still had no idea what you were talking about.

    "No, the other thing."

    "Oh, an aquarium?" Viago nodded, and you sat up straight. "You've never been to the aquarium before? Then you've never really lived life! We've gotta go. Come on, go put your normal human clothes on." Viago started to protest, wanting more of an explanation, but you wanted it to be a surprise. You pulled him up from the couch and pushed him toward his room. "You'll find out when we get there. Go change so we're not late!"

    After finally finding a somewhat normal looking outfit for Viago, the two of you raced to the aquarium. You could hardly contain your excitement, feeling like you were back in grade-school on your way to a field trip. You pulled open the door and dramatically bowed. "Good evening, sir. Please, come inside for a night of amazement!" Viago laughed at your antics.

    "Why, thank you! I gladly accept your invitation." You paid the entry fees and gave Viago a handful of glowsticks. The two of you geared up with the neon-colored bracelets and necklaces before linking arms and following the glowing path through the aquarium. Viago lit up like a child at Christmas. He dragged you in every direction, asking what everything was. "Look! This sign says 'juvenile stingrays.'" You leaned forward, looking into the pool. You smiled as one swam close enough for you to touch. Viago looked mortified. "Are you sure you should be doing that? What if it bites you?" You snorted.

    "They're harmless little babies, Vi! Plus, they're used to this. Look, they like it!" The small stingray stayed in place as you pet it. Viago didn't look convinced. Worry was still etched into his features. You carefully took his hand in yours. Before he had a chance to ask what you were doing, you pulled his hand into the water. "Watch, the lil guy will swim right up to you for you to pet him." True to your word, the stingray swam up to yours and Viago's hands. You kept your hand on top of Viago's, gently guiding him on how to pet the creature without spooking it. Viago opened and closed his mouth for a moment, and you raised a brow at him. He finally blurted,

    "I like this." You laughed, bumping your shoulder into him.

    "See! I told you this wasn't so bad. They're actually pretty sweet."

    "No, I like... this." He kept his gaze trained on your joined hands. "With you." You could feel the heat creeping up your neck and into your face. You were flustered, to say the least, and didn't know how to respond. I mean, how do you respond to a several-hundred-year-old vampire saying he likes holding your hand? Viago pursed his lips for a moment before asking, "Do you like it?" You couldn't help the nervous laughter that bubbled in your chest. You finally met his gaze.

    "Yeah, I do." Viago beamed.

    "Wonderful! We shall hold hands more often, then." He froze. Something over your shoulder caught his eye. Before you had a chance to ask what was wrong, his grip tightened on your hand. "Look at the big sharks!" Viago immediately started dragging you towards the large shark tank.

    The two of you explored nearly every inch of the aquarium. On your way home, Viago kept your hand in his. He babbled about how much he enjoyed the evening and wished to return. "We should get an aquarium installed in the flat!" You couldn't help but laugh at his sudden outburst.

    "Or, maybe, you could start with just one fish and work your way up." Viago hummed in agreement. An idea popped into your mind, and you started pulling him down a different street. You arrived at your destination just as one of the workers was walking out of the shop. "Hey! I'm really sorry, but is there any way you could wait a few minutes to close? We need to get a fish. It's important." The guy raised a brow at you. "You see, uh, we just got one for our son the other day, and it died. The little guy's heart will be broken if he finds out. That's why we need a new fish to replace it with." The worker sighed.

    "Alright, come on in, but you've got ten minutes." You quickly said your thanks and pulled Viago into the store. The vampire was overjoyed at the idea of getting a fish to take home. He ventured around the store, looking at all the different types of fish, while you gathered the needed supplies.

    "(Y/N), look at these-- they're so fancy! Hello, fishies!" Viago ended up choosing a red and white betta. On the rest of the walk home, he carefully cradled the bag containing the fish in his arms. You could tell something was bothering him. He was being unnaturally quiet. You stopped him before he walked in the front door of the flat.

    "Viago, what's wrong? You're being way too quiet."

    "Oh, I was just... uh, thinking about the story you told the shopkeeper." Your brows knit together. He lowered his voice. "About us having a son." Your face flushed. You didn't think about your words before they came out of your mouth. It seemed like a valid excuse to keep the shop open for a few extra minutes. The two of you awkwardly stood on the flat's doorstep for a while, neither of you knowing what to say next. You cleared your throat.

    "Well, we do have a son now." This time, Viago was confused until you pointed at the fish. A smile crept its way across his features. "And our son needs a place to sleep, so why don't we get his tank set up?"

    It didn't take long for the both of you to set up the fish tank. You were quite proud of it, actually. The fish seemed to enjoy it too. You sat on the floor next to Viago, both watching the fish swim around its tank. "Our son needs a name," Viago announced. He inched closer to the tank to better inspect the fish. "What do you suppose suits him?"

    "Gilburt the Fancy." Viago chuckled before nodding.

    "Yes, I think that works well. Hello, Gilburt the Fancy!"

~*~*~

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Permanent Tag List:

@blitchen-fics​

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--

Also gonna tag @donutwheel and @honorarytenenbaum​ since they commented on my last post :)

#viago #viago wwdits #viago heimburg #viago x reader #viago wwdits x reader #viago heimburg x reader #what we do in the shadows #what we do in the shadows x reader #wwdits #wwdits x reader #taika waititi #taika waititi x reader

[gonzo-rella]

Headcanons: Being Laszlo Cravensworth and Nadja of Antipaxos’ Human S/O

MASTERLIST | AO3 | KO-FI

Relationship(s): Laszlo Cravensworth x Nadja of Antipaxos x gn!human!reader (romantic)

Warnings: Nothing you wouldn’t see in gay vampire show. (Let me know if I need to add any)

(A/N: Let’s start off with some shameless self-promotion for my Nandermo drabble. Sponsorship over. So, I had a jolly old time writing a Blackbonnet x reader fic not long ago, so I figured I’d write another poly thing, this time for my good time boy Laszlo and his good lady wife Nadja. At this point, my blog’s slowly being taken over by gay pirate show and gay vampire show, not that anyone’s complaining (aside from the people whose requests I haven’t written even after it’s been over a year- whoopsie). This is unrelated but I’ve added Marwa, the Guide and the Djinn (my beloveds) to my writing list. [Insert obligatory begging for WWDITS requests, especially poly Laszlo and Nadja, but I love all of my gay vampires and non-vampires])

It’s not too common that these two will be attracted to the same person, and, if they are, it’s typically purely sexual.

So, when they both find themselves attracted to you, it’s a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one.

It’s clear that they both adore you.

It’s not like they declare it multiple times a day in multiple ways.

They’re both incredibly affectionate, verbally and physically.

They’re very generous with kisses and cuddles.

Nadja loves kissing your cheek and lips, while Laszlo’s more partial to your hand and forehead.

So. Many. Pet. Names.

They gush about you a lot, especially in the early stages of your relationship.

Nandor and Guillermo are sick of hearing about how wonderful you are, even if they’re supportive of your relationship.

The most supportive of your relationship is definitely Sean- he’s as happy about your relationship as Laszlo and Nadja are, if not happier.

If you’re nice to him, Colin/the Boy will definitely approve of your relationship.

You become part of their group/family quite quickly.

You probably connect with Guillermo and Marwa because of your humanity among vampires.

Sean and Charmaine treat you like an old friend.

I can imagine that, at first, Laszlo and Nadja inadvertently insult and patronise you because you’re a human (if you’ve read my platonic!WWDITS 2014 x human!reader set of headcanons, it’s a lot like that)

“Ugh- stupid humans. Not you, darling!”

Eventually, they’ll manage to stop themselves from doing it (I feel like Guillermo would be the one who tells them to cut it out).

Very random headcanon: Nadja loves holding your face in her hands.

I feel like they’ll be far less critical of you as they are of each other, and they’re less likely to argue with you than they argue with each other.

After all, they’ve been married for longer than you’ve been alive.

So, they’re sort of in a honeymoon phase with you (it’d last far longer than it would in a regular human relationship though, since vampire time feels different to human time).

God they're so cute when it comes to you.

They’re very protective over you.

They think the world of you, but Nadja’s also referred to you as her ‘sweet, feeble little human’, so...

Nadja’s more feral when it comes to protecting you.

At best, she’ll incessantly berate the other person.

At worst, she’ll tear their throat out (unless you beg her not to).

Isn’t that romantic?

Laszlo’s more likely to make an indignant remark and drag you away (more than likely while your feral lady wife is on the attack).

They love taking night time walks with you and holding your hand(s) (you usually end up in the middle).

That said, they cherish any time that they spend with you no matter where it’s spent.

The idea of turning you wouldn’t crop up for a while.

Nadja would be the one to bring it up and plead with you to consider it.

Of course, you know they’d respect whatever decision you made, even though they both hope you’ll agree.

If you do, they’ll be overjoyed.

After all, they love the idea of spending eternity with you.

#nadja of antipaxos x reader #laszlo cravensworth x reader #laszlo x nadja #laszlo x nadja x reader #poly #wwdits x reader #what we do in the shadows x reader #nadja of antipaxos #laszlo cravensworth #nadja #laszlo #wwdits #What We Do in the Shadows #x reader #x gn!reader #x gn reader #x gender neutral!reader #x gender neutral reader #wwdits season 4 #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #sean rinaldi #colin robinson