#zsasz loves batman and loves being a talkative shit

[kourtniwritesagain]

Say it with Me Now...Sleep!

A/N: I wrote a similar story years ago, but I seriously can’t find it ANYWHERE. This is my attempt at not exactly rewriting it but doing something equally as fun. So, enjoy sleep-deprived Timmy Drake-Wayne. 

Listen, Tim is well aware that he is not exactly the most forthcoming when it comes to information about his general well-being. He knows that he's technically lying. However, everyone lies, right? Like, Dick lies about having free time so he can help whoever needs it when his shoulders can't possibly hold any more weight. Jason lies about hating everyone when he loves the hardest. Damian lies about never caring about feelings when he feels the most. Duke lies about not feeling like an outsider even though everyone knows he still hasn't accepted his position in the family. Cass lies about… okay, well, Cass doesn't lie. But Bruce! Bruce lies about freaking everything. So…Tim lying about sicknesses, injuries, and sleep isn't like…out of the ordinary in Tim's family. So he doesn't really feel bad about lying to Alfred about getting a full night's sleep the previous night. 

Well, he doesn't feel too bad. 

Tim had, at one point in his life, gotten a full night's sleep. It just wasn't last night. Or the night before that…and so on and so forth. Now that Tim was thinking about it, he'd been up for a full three days. Not his longest record, but the longest in at least six months. Tim is currently working on three cases for Batman Inc., multiple marketing packages for Wayne Enterprises, and two school reports. The cases are what's taking most of his time. 

The first case has to do with Scarecrow. Tim believes Crane is working with a new supplier, someone outside of Gotham. He hasn't been able to find out who it is, but he's at least narrowed it down to either Star City or Metropolis. The second case concerns Ivy, which really sucks because she's been relatively quiet ever since she and Harley got together. Honestly, Tim isn't really sure it is Ivy, but it's got to do with these weird plants popping up around the city that shoot some kind of ichor at anyone who gets near. It wouldn't be that big of a deal if it weren't for the fact that the ichor causes blindness for up to two weeks. Tim's been working on a cure, but so far, he hasn't had much luck. Hence, he really needs to talk to Ivy. The third case deals with Victor Zsasz…or, at least, Tim thinks it does. There's been a string of near murders of sex workers in Crime Alley. Jason has been working on it for two weeks, but he's never caught anyone in the action. Jason came to Tim four nights ago to ask for help, which is very usual for Jason. Usually, he sends files and assumes Tim will help. Jason's case is Tim's number one priority. Zsasz is toying with people at the moment. It's only a matter of time before it turns into actual murder. 

So, that is why he's currently working on his third night of no sleep. The importance of these cases, Jason's in particular, is also why Tim just lied (again) to Alfred and Bruce about his overall well-being. Again, Tim's not stupid. He knows Alfred and Bruce can see the bags under his eyes, the slump in his shoulders, and the copious amounts of empty energy drink cans and coffee mugs that littered his room. They didn't call him out on it, so they must believe it's not as bad as it really is. Alfred and Bruce leave the Cave, and Tim continues his work on the Batcomputer. 

"Hey, any news on my case?" 

Tim looks up and sees Jason sauntering in, his hood under his arm. 

"Not much. I have some hunches," says Tim. "But nothing concrete yet." 

Jason sighs. 

"I'm trying, Jay." Tim mutters, feeling guilty.  

Jason rolls his eyes. "I'm not mad at you, Timberly. The sigh is in general of the fucking suckiness of the situation, not directed at you." 

"Still…I can't seem to crack this the way I want." 

"Welcome to my world. Why do you think I asked for your help? You look like shit by the way." 

Tim flips him off and then yawns, large and long. 

"The fuck was that?" Jason asks. 

Tim rolls his eyes. "A yawn, Jason. Surely you've experienced one." 

Jason walks to Tim and smacks the back of his head. "Ass."  

"You're the ass…ass." Tim replies. 

"Now I know you're outta sorts. That was the lamest comeback." Jason says. "When's the last time you slept?" 

"Yesterday." Tim lies. 

Jason squints at him. "Yeah…and Alfred is the Queen of England." 

"I'm fine." 

Jason snorts and places his hand on Tim's forehead. 

"I don't have a fever, Jason." says Tim, swatting at Jason's hands. Jason reaches down and tweaks Tim's left side. Tim immediately folds inward with a laugh. 

"Too easy." Jason smirks as he continues scribbling his fingers along Tim's ribs and sides.  

"Screw youhu!" Tim laughs, trying to catch Jason's hands as he squirms in the seat. 

"I dunno, this seems like a good way to tire you out." 

"Plehehease!" Tim is defenseless when it comes to tickling. It's like his brain decides to stop working, and all he can do is curl up and beg for mercy.

Jason spends a few more seconds poking and prodding along Tim's ribcage before he finally ceases his attack. 

"I swear, you're the most ticklish person on the fuckin' planet." Jason is grinning smugly. 

Tim knows he's got a goofy grin on his face, but he musters up a scowl regardless. "And I swear you're the biggest prick on the planet." 

"Go to sleep, Tim. I know you're on at least day two of no sleep." 

"As soon as I get some solid info on your case and finish my crap from WE, I will." 

Jason squints at him. Tim thinks for a moment that his older brother is going to argue with him more. However, Jason shrugs his shoulders, waves a dismissive hand toward Tim, and then walks out of the Cave. Tim sighs in relief and turns back to the computer. He knows he's close to proving it's Zsasz behind the attacks. He'll definitely sleep once he proves it.

^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

Tim proves it's Zsasz, but he does not sleep. There's no time. Bruce will be the one to help Jason with the takedown of Zsasz because he's a Tier-One Villain, and Batman isn't going to allow Red Hood to do it on his own nor allow Red Robin to be Hood's only backup. Tim put up a fight, arguing that he could at least help, especially considering it was Tim that figured it all out. He’s overruled by a simple ‘Hn’ from Bruce and a smirk from Jason. Tim spends the next day tracking down Ivy. Turns out, she was working the case as well. Tim corners her at a greenhouse in downtown Gotham. 

"Of course, you're the one working this." Pamela says without taking her eyes off the plant, she's currently cultivating. 

"Should I be offended by that statement?" Tim asks. Tim thinks that, although he's had a direct hand in a few of her arrests, they've at least worked together a few times in the past year to develop a good rapport. 

Pam turns to look at him and rolls her eyes. "No. I was just hoping that perhaps the Bat would be here instead." 

"He's finishing up with that Zsasz situation." Tim tells her. "So, you're stuck with me." 

"Any leads?" She asks. 

That's confirmation for Tim that Ivy isn't behind the plants. 

"None." Tim replies. 

Ivy hums in response. 

"It's not any plant I've seen. I don't think it's even from Earth." 

"Fan-freaking-tastic…" Tim sighs. This is just what he needs, a freaking alien plant. "Should probably get the Justice League on this if you think it's extraterrestrial." 

Ivy doesn't look convinced. "Must we?" 

"I think it's best, Dr. Isley. They're better equipped to find its origin and an antidote. I've been trying to make one myself, but it hasn't been as effective as I want." 

Ivy sighs. "Fine. Can I ask you to keep me posted on how this shakes up? I've had a few too many dirty looks in my direction." 

Tim nods. "Of course."

"Thanks, Little Bird." 

Tom rolls his eyes. "I'm 17 now, you know."

Pam smiles at him with a bit of fondness in her eyes and walks away. "Yes, but you'll always be a Little Bird to me." 

"Dr. Isley!" Tim calls. Pam halts and turns to look at him. "Don't let anyone look down on you, okay? Gothamites don't have the moral high ground most of the time." 

Ivy simply smiles softly at him and leaves. 

"Time to get a sample to JL." Tim mutters to himself as he harvests a few of the plants. 

^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

It's day six of less than four hours of sleep total, and it's actually starting to bother Tim. He's still so busy, though. The Justice League is taking care of the plant situation, Zsasz is in Arkham (with Jason nursing three broken ribs and a sprained wrist), and two of the three WE marketing packages are complete. However, not a single one of Tim's assignments is done, and Tim has two more cases to add to his workload. He's slumping over the desk in Bruce's office. He was kicked out of the Cave about an hour ago by Bruce, who apparently needed to have a meeting with Superman and Flash. Tim hopes it's about the plants, but he's unable to spy as he really needs to finish his schoolwork so he can start writing the reports from his previous cases. He's still trying to find the supplier for Cane, too. He’s minutes away from a full-blown migraine and typing mindlessly on the computer when he hears a knock on the door. 

"Tim? You in there?" Dick's voice comes from the other side of the door. 

Tim grunts in response. 

Dick opens the door. "What're you doing in Bruce's office?" 

"M'workin'." Tim winces at how slurred his speech is. 

"On what?" Dick asks; he's behind Tim now, leaning over him and staring at the computer Tim's working on.

"School crap, some WE stuff, and a case or two."

"How’s it going?"

Tim shrugs. 

"So, I’ve heard from a few birds you’re not sleeping much." 

Tim lets his head fall to the desk as he groans. "Tell Jason to mind his own business." 

Tim can hear the soft smile on Dick’s face. "It wasn’t just Jason." 

Tim looks up at his older brother. "M’fine. I’ve gotten a few hours here and there." 

Dick smiles that sad smile of his, which makes Tim feel like absolute shit. 

"I’m fine Dick; I promise." 

"I wish I could believe you," says Dick. "But you’ve got the worst truth-telling record in this family." 

"What?! No way! Bruce holds that title, c’mon!" Tim practically shouts. 

Dick seems to consider what Tim says. "Okay, second worst." 

Tim scowls at him. 

"Grayson, I--oh." Damian is suddenly in the room, scowling at Tim immediately. "Drake, you look terrible." 

"No one asked for your opinion, Demon Brat." Tim responds, barely stopping himself from sticking his tongue out. 

"Tt. Drake, this isn’t an insult. I do truly mean that you look terrible. When was the last time you slept? Also, are you ill?"

"You’re sick?" Dick’s voice is even more full of concern now. 

"I’m not sick! I’m just a little tired." Tim sighs, rubbing his temples. The headache he’s been trying to stave off the last three days is significantly closer than just a few minutes ago. 

"Headache, too?" Dick asks kindly. 

"Yes, because you and the Baby Assassin are bothering me." Tim mumbles. There’s no real heat behind it.

"I loathe that name." Damian says. 

Dick ruffles his hair, garnering a squawk from Damian. "It’s a term of endearment Dee. It means Timmy loves you." 

Both Tim and Damian snort at the same time. 

"Can I please finish my work?" Tim asks tiredly. He can feel a full-blown migraine coming on, and he thinks that he may be overdoing it somewhat. 

"Uh…Tim? You’re not exactly making sense with your…work." Dick winces as he shows Tim the computer screen.

"Oh."

On the screen are just a bunch of letters and numbers all over the place. 

Okay…maybe he really has pushed it too far. 

"Will you please go to sleep?" Dick asks. He bends down in front of Tim, making himself eye level. Dick places a hand on Tim’s forehead, checking for a fever. 

"I will as soon as I finish my school assignments." Tim semi-promises. Sleep doesn’t come as easy to Tim as it does to most people, especially once he’s this far gone. 

Dick sighs, but stands and motions for Damian to follow him out. 

"Drake…honestly." Damian sighs as he takes a look at Tim. 

"Damian, I’m okay." 

"Tt."

The door closes and Tim grabs another energy drink from the minifridge and downs it. With a shake of his aching head, Tim focuses on the work in front of him. 

Three hours later, Tim’s completely engrossed on the last page of his paper for his English class when Bruce comes in. He looks surprised to see Tim. 

"Oh, hey Tim. I didn’t know you were in here." Bruce says. 

"You kicked me outta the Cave," Tim replies. "And I wanted to use your two monitors. I can leave if you need me to." Tim is rising as he says this, he stumbles a bit and Bruce is by his side with Tim’s elbow in his hand. 

"Easy there, kiddo." Bruce soothes, helping Tim to sit back down. "I don’t mind you using my office. It’s free for you to use when you want. However, I do mind you almost falling for simply standing up. Are you injured?" 

"No…I-I’m fine. Just been up a little longer than I should’ve, probably." 

"He’s been up for six days." A, quite frankly, livid, voice says from the doorway. Tim’s head whips up and he sees Damian standing there, hands clenched into tight fists, and one of the angriest expressions Tim has ever seen gracing his face. Dick is behind him, and so is Jason, both looking angry and sad and exasperated all at the same time. Bruce looks shocked, which is saying something. He turns to look down at Tim. 

"Is this true?"

Tim gulps, but isn’t able to say anything because Damian cuts across him. "Do not even attempt to lie. I looked at the security footage. You haven’t spent more than two hours at a time in any one room in this house, excluding the Cave. However, you haven’t slept there either because the Cave security footage hasn’t shown you sleeping at any point!" 

"Damian…I-"

Damian raises a hand to stop Tim. "I don’t want to hear it. You may have no forethought to your health and wellbeing, but others do. And if you are going to insist on attempting to take yourself away from us earlier than what is the normal lifespan of an adult male in America, then you’re going to do so fighting me. And with the current state you’re in, it’d be an even more pathetic fight than when you’re in full form." 

Jason places a hand on Damian’s shoulder, which Tim expects him to throw off. However, Damian doesn’t. In fact, it looks like it anchors their youngest sibling. 

"Honestly Tim, six days? Even for you that’s excessive." Jason says. 

"Bed." Bruce demands. It’s not his Batman voice. It’s not even his angry voice. It’s the voice he uses when he won’t budge. It’s the voice he uses when he’s in meetings and flexing his full CEO authority. It’s the voice he learned from Alfred. It’s the voice he uses when there’s no room for argument. 

Tim tries anyway, though, because he has no sense of self-preservation. "Bruce I  need to finish my homework, I--"

"You have a death wish, Timmy." Dick sighs. 

"You can go to sleep on your own, or I can administer something to help. That is the only choice you’re going to receive for the next several days." Bruce states. Now he sounds (and looks) angry. Tim knows he’s pushing it…has pushed it. He does. He just…there’s so much he needs to do. And Bruce can’t seriously be trying to ground him. 

"You can’t ground me, Bruce, I’m 17-"

"You can go to sleep on your own or I can administer something to help." Bruce says it quietly, but Tim hears and sees the fury simmering there. 

Tim swallows again; he looks to his two older siblings and knows there will be no help. Jason looks exasperated beyond all reason. Dick looks like Tim just kicked his dog and then set his house on fire. He doesn’t have to look at Damian to know he looks exactly like Bruce. 

He’s lost. He knows he’s lost. 

"I…I may need some help." Tim admits quietly, feeling his face heat up extensively. 

Bruce’s fury melts a bit at that. "I’ll have Alfred make the tea." 

"He’s got a headache, too. Add some acetaminophen. We’ll get him to bed, Bruce." Dick says. He reaches for Tim and helps steer him out of the room and to the stairs. Jason and Damian follow. 

"You don’t have to follow me; I’m seriously going to go to my room." Tim tells them. 

"Tt. Your word on this matter means very little." 

"Sorry, Baby Bird. I agree with Baby Bat." Jason tells Tim. "You’ve seriously crossed the line this time." 

Tim hangs his head in shame.

"Not now guys." Dick retorts rather sharply. Tim doesn’t deserve Dick’s kindness. 

"M’sorry." Tim tells them as they reach his room. "I didn’t mean for it to go on this long. Honestly." 

Dick shushes him as he looks for some pajamas. 

"No. Seriously. I didn’t…I don’t mean to…" Tim can feel the tears welling in his eyes. It’s frustrating beyond reason. 

"Get dressed, and get in bed, Timmers." Dick presses a kiss to the top of his head as he and the others walk out. 

Tim does as he’s told. The tears spill onto his cheeks. He knows he’s truly screwed everything up. Everyone is furious with him. He can only imagine the lecture he’s going to get from Alfred. He’s not just going to be grounded; he’s going to be benched permanently. If he can’t be trusted to sleep like a normal human being, he definitely can’t be trusted out in the field. His head starts pounding even harder, and he stumbles into his bed with his knees curled into his stomach. 

"Tim?" Bruce is walking in, but Tim is trying really hard to get air into his lungs. He feels Bruce grab his shoulders and set him into a sitting position. One of Bruce’s hands grabs his and places it on the older man’s chest, right over his heart. The other hand grabs the back of Tim’s neck, resting there lightly. 

"Breathe with me, kiddo." 

Tim tries his hardest to focus on the beating of Bruce’s heart, of the movement of his chest rising and falling. Bruce squeezes his hand very exhale, trying to anchor him, Tim assumes. It takes some time, but eventually Tim’s breathing slows and returns to normal. It has been almost a year since Tim last had a panic attack. He forgot how much they suck. 

"Whatever you’re thinking," says Bruce. "I promise isn’t true. No one is going to kick you out, no one is going to fire you, and no one hates you or is mad at you." 

"Damian is both of those last things. And you’re all mad. I get it." Tim replies. 

Bruce hands him the steaming mug of drugged tea. If Tim knows Alfred as well as he thinks he does, there’s definitely a high dose of sleeping aid in the tea. Tim sips it at first, but downs it quickly, feeling it burn his throat. 

"Slow down there, Tim." Bruce chastises. "You don’t need to punish yourself." 

"I just wanna go to bed." Tim tells his adopted father. Bruce looks at him with those sad eyes of his, making Tim feel a million times worse, which is really saying something because he feels like dog shit. 

"Sweetheart, c’mere." Bruce climbs into the bed and lifts up his arm, offering Tim to snuggle in, which the boy does. "We’re mad, yes. We’re mad that you seem to be unable to take care of yourself properly. We’re mad that you always push yourself too far. We’re mad that we don’t catch it quick enough to help. But we’re not mad at you in the sense that is going through your head. We all love you."

Tim wants to believe it. 

"Not even Damian doesn’t hate you." 

Tim snorts. 

"He doesn’t." Bruce insists, digging his fingers into Tim’s ribs. Tim gasps and laughs as Bruce doesn’t let up. 

"Stahap!" Tim begs. Tim is seriously ticklish on his ribs; it’s one of his worst spots, and Bruce knows it. 

Bruce chuckles fondly as he brings both hands to Tim’s ribcage. Tim is letting out some serious giggles now. He’s trying to fight against Bruce, but the tea is setting in, and Tim’s not the most coordinated person when tickled. 

"Promise to sleep and not stay up for six days straight ever again?" Bruce asks, not ceasing his tickle attack. He digs his fingers in between the bones of Tim’s ribs. 

"Yehehes! I-I prohohomise!" Tim gets out, squirming madly. It tickles so damn much!

Bruce finally stops tickling. Tim sags into Bruce’s side while he rubs his ribs to get rid of the residual tickly feelings. 

"You’re too good at that." Tim tells him. 

Bruce kisses the top of his head. "You’re too easy. I think you may be more ticklish than Damian." 

Now that was interesting information. 

"Damian is ticklish?!" 

Bruce winces. "I don’t think I was supposed to mention that." 

"Oh th-thaaaat--" Tim cuts himself off with a loud yawn. 

"Bed." Bruce says, pressing another kiss against the top of Tim’s head. "No worrying either, we can talk tomorrow about better ways to keep yourself healthy." 

"G’night, dad." Tim whispers, already falling asleep. 

"Good night, son." 

^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

When Tim wakes up, he’s dazed and confused. The sun is gone and his clock tells him it’s nine at night. 

"It’s been 18 hours, Drake."

Tim whips his head and sees Damian sketching in the armchair next to his bed. 

"What?" 

"You slept for 18 hours," Damian repeats, sounding thoroughly annoyed. "Pennyworth has a plate of dinner waiting for you when you are ready to eat." 

Tim scrubs a hand down his face. "Eighteen hours, huh?" 

"With the amount of stress you put on your body, I am shocked you didn’t sleep longer." 

"Yeah…wasn’t my best plan I guess."

"Tt. Consider it your worst. That is saying something, too, as you usually have terrible plans." There’s no real heat behind Damian’s words. The two of them have grown a lot since Damian first came. They respect one another now. They work pretty well together, too. Their form of communication may look especially harsh to an outsider, but to them, it’s brotherly banter. 

Tim rolls his eyes. "Pretty sure I was the one who took down Zsasz earlier this week."

Damian looks at him. "Father and Todd took him down."

"Physically, maybe. But it was me who found out everything. So, if you think about it, it was all of my plans that took him down." 

"Tt. In your dreams, Drake."

Tim moves to sit on the side of his bed. "Hey." 

Damian looks at him once more. "What?"

"I’m sorry for scaring you," Tim apologizes. "I didn’t mean to." 

Damian replies stiffly, "I was not scared. I was mad at your stupidity."

"I’m sorry for making you mad, then." 

Damian scowls deeply at him. "Do you realize the stress you put on others when you pull these types of stunts? We have enough stress without others adding to it with idiotic decisions. You need to better care for yourself. You aren’t a machine, Drake, and you’re not alone. There are others in this family that could’ve taken a case or two. Furthermore, you hate school, so I do not understand your need to finish assignments you don’t care about." 

Tim feels really bad. 

"I didn’t do it on purpose, if that helps." Tim tells his little brother. "I get…focused, I guess. I know you guys can help me, I just…I dunno. I feel like I can do it better, I suppose. That’s really narcissistic of me, I know." 

Damian only scowls further. "You aren’t a narcissist; you’re an idiot. There’s a difference."

"How many more times are you going to call me an idiot?" Tim asks, a wry smile on his face. 

"As many times as it takes." Damian smirks.

Tim rolls his eyes this time. He stands and squats in front of the chair so he’s eye level with Damian. "I won’t do it again."

"Tt." 

Tim places a hand on Damian’s shoulder. "I promise, Damian." 

Damian looks at Tim now. "You…you are important to this family."

"Does that include you?" Tim teases. 

Damian shoves Tim’s hand off his shoulders. "Ugh. I’m finished with this sappy moment. I’m leaving."

Domain tries to stand to leave, but Tim is feeling much better after his sleep, and he’s in a mischievous mood, so he grabs Damian around the waist and pulls him into a hug. 

"Drake! Unhand me!"

"We have to hug, Demon," says Tim. "Dickie will be upset if we don’t." 

Damian is squirming furiously as he attempts to free himself from Tim’s grip. "Grayson isn’t even here!" 

"He could walk in any minute, though. I wanna make sure we do him proud!" Tim squeezes tighter, causing Damian to yelp. It reminds Tim of what Bruce told him before he fell asleep. 

Tim smiles deviously. "I heard some interesting information about you from Bruce." Tim places his hands on Damian’s sides with his fingers curled in, an evil grin growing as he feels Damian instantly still. 

"Drake…" It’s a warning, but Tim isn’t concerned. 

"Damian." 

"Whatever Father told you, h-he was clearly lying!" Damian still doesn’t move, and Tim knows it’s because every movement would tickle with the way Tim’s hands are positioned. 

"Bruce lies at times," Tim concedes. "But I don’t think he was lying about this. Tell me, Dee, are you ticklish?"

Damian’s eyes go wide. "N-No! Of c-course not!"

"Bruce said you were." 

"He lied!"

Tim shrugs his shoulders, pretending to give up. However, the moment Damian relaxes, Tim tosses the smaller boy on the bed and pounces, immediately tickling Damian’s stomach. 

"DRAKE!" Damian absolutely screeches. Tim knows he’s going to die after this, but he’s okay with it. Damian succumbs to laughter rather quickly. He has such a cute laugh, sounding and looking like the 12-year-old he is. 

"Bruce was right!" Tim crows. He scrabbles all 10 of his fingers all around Damian’s belly. The closer he gets to Damian’s sides and ribs, the louder his laughter gets, and the more he squirms. Damian seems to be like Tim, though, and super uncoordinated when tickled because Tim is still alive and breathing. Damian is swearing like a sailor at him, but that’s about it. 

"What the fuck is going on in--oh…now this is good." 

Tim looks at the doorway, not pausing his tickly assault on Damian’s torso, and sees Jason with the biggest grin on his face that Tim’s ever seen. 

"T-Tohohodd! I r-require assISTANCE!" Damian squeals out the last part of the word as Tim shoots his arms to Damian’s underarms. 

"I think Timmy requires my assistance," Jason’s grin turns more shark-like. "How did I not know you were ticklish, Baby Bat?"

Damian doesn’t answer. He’s too busy holding his middle as best he can, laughter pouring out of his mouth. His heels are drumming against the bed, and Tim is grinning widely himself. He’s never heard Damian laugh like this before. 

"Are you guys killing Damian?" Dick enters the room next. "Oh…you’re just tickling him. Try his neck next, Timmy. That’s his death spot." 

"GRAYHAYSON!" Damian shrieks as Tim lightly pinches at the back of Damian’s neck. Damian’s laughter goes high pitched. "T-TIM, pleheHEASE!" 

It went on for two more minutes before Dick rescues Damian by telling Tim to stop. Tim moves off Damian and grins down at the panting boy. "You called me by my name." 

Damian pants for another few seconds, a silly grin on his face. It doesn’t last long, though, because he soon scowls fiercer than Tim’s ever seen and then jumps at Tim. Dick catches him around the middle and holds Damian away from Tim.

"Let me go, Grayson! I will have my revenge!" 

"Sorry Dames, but Tim needs to eat. He needs to sleep after that, again--don’t look at me like that, Tim--and you need to get ready for patrol." 

Damian flips Tim off but stops struggling against Dick’s hold. Dick sets him down and grins. "Everyone’s ticklish, Damian. If you can imagine it, Tim’s probably more ticklish than you." 

"Dick!" Tim throws his oldest brother a betrayed look. 

"Oh definitely. The kid’s ribs are like a 10 on the Richter scale," Jason adds. "One poke to his ribs has him swearing his first born to you. He’s deathly ticklish on his ribs." 

"Jason!" Tim throws the same betrayed look to his immediate older brother.

"Sorry, little brother. It’s true." Dick laughs. 

Tim looks at Damian and gulps. Damian looks smug. No, he looks worse than smug. He looks like he’s plotting. 

"Damian…I-I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again!" Tim has his hands up. 

"Oh, I know it won’t. I’ll ensure the lesson you learn will keep you from making that mistake ever again." 

"Oh! Are we going to tickle Tim next?" Dick asks. "It’s been a while!" 

"You asshats are gonna leave me alone!" Tim warns. "Remember, I have lots of pictures that I can release on the internet at a moment’s notice." 

"He’s bluffing." Jason snorts. "He won’t post them on the internet, Bruce would kill him." 

Damian’s smirk grows. 

"I’m totally in on this plan, though," Jason continues. "Tickling Tim till he forgets his own damn name sounds like fun." 

Tim feels his stomach flip flop with excitement and trepidation. He’s never been teamed up against like that and has no clue what it’ll feel like, but he has a feeling he’s about to find out. 

"What about you, Grayon? Will you join in my revenge?" Damian asks. 

Tim sends a pleading look to Dick. 

"Well…he really needs to eat." Dick says. Tim sighs in relief. "But I suppose he can wait another half hour or so."

"Half hour?! The fu-NO! Nohoho!" 

Tim doesn’t do much more than laugh for quite some time.

#kourtni writes things #tim drake #ticklish!tim #jason todd #damian wayne #dick grayson #ticklish!damian #batman #batfam #batman fic #batfamily fic #tickling

[deadsh33p]

I'm very shy about sending asks but do you wanna talk about your version of the Batman rogues? If you don't is fine.

Decided to not do what you asked for and just tell you my batman universe. Since there are many characters, I'll just give a sad abstract for ya.

-I imagine the Batman universe timeline like how Gotham portrayed it: a mix of multiple different years. In this case I focus more on the 1920s, 40s, 90s and 2000.

-Look I understand why Bruce acts playboyish but I love my men goth and pathetic. He is goth and pathetic.

-Even though there were many conflicts, in the end batfamily becomes CANON. They all love each other very much (yes this includes Jason and Damian) (Damian acts like how the batfamily webtoon portrayed him aka not a piece of shit)

-Hyperempathetic Bruce Wayne my beloved.

-Yes Batman spanks the living shit out of his rogues but he has a list of who he thinks has more chance of reabilitating "sooner". Seeing how Harley is getting better, his hopes for Harvey leaving crime comes back AND STRONG.

-Batman and Harley are friends. In their own way.

-Harley acts similarly on how she acted in TNBA: nicer. Though she swears alot.

-She gets along pretty well with the Batfamily (said prior), but with the rogues too. The majority of them.

-She goes to Oswald's house to escape the cops every now and then.

-Obviously she's incredibly close with Ivy, but she gets along really well with Edward. Before Harley met joker (and became Harley Quinn) she was Ed's therapist, til he broke out of arkham. But she feels alot of sympathy for him. Ed is grateful for meeting Harley but he absolutely HATES that she knows everything about him, for obvious reasons.

-Edward dislikes Ivy alot. She hates him too so no probs.

-He streams on twitch and they can't legally ban him because it helps finding where he is.

-Ed avoids killing now. But in his first years as riddler he would do much horrible things. You can say he's "getting better" (he still commits crimes though)

-Kristen is canon here, though she doesn't die.

-The first years being the riddler, he was in an incredibly bad moment in his life. Batman once found him having a breakdown close to his own traps.

-Has autism, OCD, anxiety and schizophrenia. Though this has nothing to do with his crimes.

-The reason why he loathes attention SO MUCH is because of the extreme neglect he suffered through his entire life. Unconciously he is kind of showing in the face of every abuser/bully that he has power now.

-Works with The penguin.

-Oswald is kind of the dad of the rogues, if you interpret it that way. Everyone goes to him for help, being either advice on their personal life or the "please let me hide in your house Batman is going to break my femur" kind of help.

-Adopted Martin (gotham). Learned ASL to understand him better. Martin is a horrible child to everyone (future arsonist) EXCEPT Oswald (he genuinely loved his dad hell yeaah).

-Oswald used to be more aggressive (like in gotham) but over the years he's become more calm. Though if you push him over the edge he WILL put an UMBRELLA over your THROAT.

-For some goddamn reason he's close friends with Ivy.

-Victor Zsasz works for him.

-All of the rouges hates Joker. Every single one. Joker used to be less extreme but he's pushed too farz even fir the villains.

-Batcat canon idfc

-Selina's literally the most chill out of them all. All of the rouges be commiting terrorism and my girl really be here simply stealing pearls like😭 (/lh because my girl IS TALENTED)

-She doesnt gets along much with the rogues in general.

If you have anything specific pls feel free to ask ;)

#long post #text #batman #we reslly be changing info with each other😭im so happy for sharing some stuff #there is more but i dont want this post to get to 10k words yk #ty ty #literally talked abt my faves so i didnt include some like harvey or victor fr//ies #if you havent noticed i simply pick my fave parts of multiple comics/shows and just mix them all together #im a horrible writer bte #*btw

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Is Gotham worth watching?

I genuinally have no idea how to answer that. I think depends on what you want...

It has some great moments and charactherizations but also some terrible shit, it's writing is questionable at best, the charactherization is very hit or miss and it's as progresssive as a Fox show can be... witch means it's deeply problematic. Deeply. It's portray of neurodivergency while trying (in the first seasons later is not trying just offending) is soo bad it's funny, it treats woman awfully while using all badass female characthers moments to virtual signal, it's a big reminder that DC invented the woman in refirgerators trope, saphic relationships exist only for the male gaze and gay romance is just Oswald failing in life and sorta queerbaiting also the show is very clearly copaganda. It tries to be more progressive and offer representation so it gets a D for efort. And I will admit I disagree with a lot of things in caracterization. From Edward having DID for no reason to Ivvy being a great characther (except the whole aging thing that was a crime) but in no way shape or form even remotly close to Pam. Jervis is a sex predator again (hooray) and Jeremiah is a mistake Jerome was already perfect as Joker why Gotham writers? WHY? Fries is... lazyly done. Harvey just isn't. Wich is weird as it was a great oportunity to make him be to Gotham what Lex Luthor was in the beggining of Smallvile (I mean Gotham IS an very edgy Batman centric Smallvile), a friendly seconsary suport characther who we rooted for even though we knew how it would end. I refuse to talk about Jim Gordon, I hate Gotham version of him with passion and would glefully kill him myself if I had the power to. But the charactherization I hate the most is Montoya. It was better if they just didn't had her.

That all being said it's super entertaining! I had a lot of fun watching it and it just grabs your attention because if nothing more the show just gets weirder and weirder and you need to know what they are going to do next. It's funny intencionally and funnier unintencionally. Victor Zsasz is one of the best characthers ever, I ADORE him (in Gotham, comic Zsasz makes me unconfortable more often than not). Gotham Oswald is genuinally one of my favorite characthers in general and my favorite Penguin. He is better in the earlier seasons but even in the later ones he is still everything my little zommer queer emo hearth wishes. Their Firefly was actually an OG version and was translates to comics as one of the various people to hold the mantle and she is my favorite Firefly! Still talking about og characthers Fish is my queen. It also has one of my favorite Bruce's scenes. Alfred (with the exceptio of one scene) is super accurate and a badass and I love him soo much. Perfect Alfred. Lucius Fox is my precious baby and he deserves the world specially in Gotham.

All in all it's good if you want some silly fun with compeling characthers but not really all that good of a show in my opinion. If you liked Smallvile the chances are you'll like it (i do think Smallvile is better but still).

#gotham #ask #it's a garbage fire but it's fun #also i don't know if it's controversial but it is edgy batman smallvile but with less tiny Bruce and more copaganda #so smallvile is better #but also AU where they share an universe because they should

[pinkiepiebones]

So what is your favorite and least favorite Zsasz comics? (Barring his first appearance because of course he’s aces in that~) And bonus round, are there any of his movie/show appearances that you care for? :3c

The Arkham Games Zsasz is best Zsasz... maybe not, like, image-wise (every dude in those games is fucking chiseled; Zsasz is supposed to be lithe and lanky), but his voice is what 10000000% sold me on him as a character and the tiny writing details that established how he'll stalk people to gauge if they are "worthy" of "salvation" is just chef kiss emoji. I will always credit/blame Danny Jacobs for making Zsasz into a living, breathing, multi-faceted character. His performance wavers between "flirtatious, breathy madman," "grieving child giving in to delusions," and "broken man all too aware of the bullshit justifications he's constructed," with all of this nuance one would just not anticipate from a character who's shtick is "kill and then cut self." I love Danny Jacobs' Zsasz.

I would also love to put Tim Booth's Zsasz from "Batman Begins" on some kinda list if only because, waaaaaaay back there, I talked to Booth several times on Twitter about his Zsasz and he seemed to genuinely like the character and was really sad that his big fight scene with Christian Bale that he trained with the choreographers for went unfilmed. He also provided Zsasz voicework for the BB tie-in game, audio of which took me 700 years to find. Booth imbues his Zsasz with more of a coy, calculating creepiness, very quiet, like someone trying to coax a frightened animal out of hiding. Booth's music is also really cool, so yeah.

Worst comic Zsasz appearance is a LOT of them actually. Any story where Zsasz is dressed like a fucking skinhead or collects physical trophies (like driver's licenses) or works with other villains or demonstrates a henchman-level intelligence or uses guns or demonstrates a pattern is woefully misunderstanding who/what Zsasz is. Here, I'll break it down:

-the skinhead outfit bullshit: Zsasz kills without any hatred towards any people group. A guy with a shaved head =/= n**i. qed. I swear somewhere I have a comic where, in the background, you can see Zsasz vehemently turning down an invitation to join some prison skinheads.

-physical trophies. THAT'S WHAT HIS TALLY MARKS ARE FOR. Why the fuck would he need to swipe a zombie's paraphernalia when he'll always carry a momento of them on his body?

-working with others... I just. Other than using the unnamed "friend" in Arkham City to rig up the phone signal bouncer, there's no- Zsasz sees everyone as a potential tally mark, you know? And frankly, no other rogue should be willing to work with him (with the exceptions of Ivy and Croc; due to Zsasz's self-imposed "zombie vision" I can see and like to imagine scenarios where he doesn't regard those two as "zombies" in need of "salvation"). This is also why I detest the Zsasz in the Gotham series and vehemently LOATHE Streets of Gotham.* Any media that paints Zsasz as a knife- or, let's face it, gun- for hire should just fucking create a new character.

-henchmen intelligence. Zsasz was created to be Gotham City's answer to Hannibal Lecter. He's a constantly calculating, philosophical, sometimes verbose, dramatic son of a bitch. There was one comic some years back, during that whole "court of owls" shit, where Zsasz was reduced to calling Penguin "little bird man" and yes I'm still mad about it; it wasn't him being sardonic or disdainful, in that comic Zsasz was literally a drooling stereotype of "crazy guy." I bought that shit because I was promised "holy fuck Zsasz got infected with the Man-Bat serum BAT ZSASZ!" and that was, like, two pages. Garbage.

-guns. In his DEBUT ISSUE Zsasz notes how much he hates using guns due to the noise and smell and will ONLY use them if no other weapon is immediately available. For Zsasz a gun is and should be written as an absolute last resort. This is the same fucker who can choke someone to death with one hand; there's no reason he should be just another gun-toting mook.

-pattern. He literally has no pattern. We are all potential targets of his "salvation." That's a nitpick I have with the first game wherein the first doctor in the patient interview tapes states Zsasz "killed over twenty young women," implying that that is a target demographic. Again, debut issue counters that. And g-d I fucking hate Streets of Gotham so much for making Zsasz go full "I hired men to kidnap children, specifically children, to fight to the death for gamblers, and I get to fight the champion child" or whatever the fuck that stupid story was I tried to purge it from my mind.

*The only, ONLY positive feedback I will give to Streets of Gotham is 1) Dustin Nguyen's watercolour covers are really pretty and 2) the three or four panels of "zombie vision" that show the reader how Zsasz sees the world but man I'm thinking about it and just remembered the page where Zsasz talks to Penguin like it's no big deal and a panel where Zsasz says "I like to hurt people" just fucking create a different chatacter bruce timm that is not Zsasz you are bad at writing Zsasz!!!

... Anyway. Also BoP Zsasz wasn't perfect by a fucking long mile- stop making Zsasz a henchman!!!- but I really liked the tiny inclusion of the metal teeth placed exactly where Zsasz lost teeth after being brained by Batman in his debut run so.

#zsasz #victor zsasz #mister zsasz #mr. zsasz #this is a gotham hate blog

[currentfandomkick]

JL confronts Marinette

From bio!dad Strange au, where they made her kryptonian to keep her alive. This is post-Hawkmoth (debating using a random and revamping Gabriel altogether tbh)

“Don’t.” Marinette was tired of heroes, tired of being one. She had to handle hawkmoth’s fallout, keeping so many secret identities (hers, JL, miraculus team, her gotham family’s) and she just wanted to sleep.

Flash found her first, but Superman grabbed her and put her in the air for a ‘talk’.

“Don’t what?” She knew superman wasnt a detective. She knew he was a reporter though and she could see baiting and needling just under the surface. He’s an interrigator then, she decided.

“Don’t come in and try to fix what the miraculous team already handled. Paris was abbadonned by your league.”

She figured this was about Ladybug. Paris is always going off the the miraculous holders and ladybugs were always deemed the defacto leaders. She liked that Daesuqa (Talia) took over leading long term missions for the most part, handled meetings and politics so her and Chat and the others could be more like the teens they are in theory.

And everyone knew Marinette was Chat Noir’s favorite after she got how many akumatized people to release their akuma on their own? And that she supplied mirauclous users with kwami food (though it was common for many other civilians). It was common knowledge to all, but Hawkmoth apparently, that if Chat or his miraculous team or the entire team was needed, you went to Marinette.

Superman furrowed his brow at that though. “I didn’t know there was an active team here.”

So it wasn’t about the miraculous or years of magic terrorism her city endured?

“Been here for years. Hawkmoth’s sentencing is in a few hours.”

She hoped it was the kwami’s choice. Tikki murmured that people were surprised by what they could live through, and she is thw kwami of life. Tikki would make him wish he was dead routinely. He deserved it for regualrly slaughtering the city.

“No, that’s...” superman shook his head. “I came here to talk to you about...” he gestures to her then. She didn’t get it until she realized she was floating on her own.

When did he let her go?

“I know you’re Princess.”

Marinette’s blood stopped then. No. He can’t. They can’t.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I know Chloe changed my handle to Princess of Paris a few years ago but indont think heroes can stalk teens for that.”

Good, play into that. Distract until someone you trust can come. She hit an alert on her phone while he wasnt looking.

Pegasus should be here soon.

“I know you know it only as the Chimera project.”

Wrong. It was the surgery that kept her alive.

“And i know you’ve been poisoning yourself to stay hidden.”

Antidotes came from venom. It was fone to ise the stickers, they kept her human. The crystals were for emergencies only.

“What I don’t get is why.”

Why would she want him to kidnap, or abduct her? Take her from her family? Her life?

Don’t show that you’re who he thinks, anvocie whispered. Keep being the Paris Marinette from social media. The savage who snarled Weredad into submission.

“I really think you have the wrong girl. Its listed under my file as a volunteer flyer that i’m a flying meta, like most of the flyers.” Good, keep it up.

“And superman, if I had to guess why some girl that i look like would supress their powers, its becuase this is France and until the Miraculous team came clean about some being meta, you were imprisoned on suspicions of being meta, even infants were, are in the rest of France. Paris is the only place you arent imprisoned for it.”

Superman paled at that. “I. I wasn’t aware.”

“why would you be?”

Superman did respond to that.

“And if this Princess of yours is still hiding, she might be protecting her loved ones. Or maybe she thinks you’d steal her away from her life and home? Everyone knows about the fortress of solitude and i dont think anyone besides you would like living there, especially so far from people.”

Marinette watched him process. As long as Red Robin didnt see her, didnt confirm her identity, she was in the clear.

“Now if you’d excuse me, I’m needed to finish filling out a report on the final battle.”

That had superman’s attention.

“Final battle.”

“Yes, we just took down Hawkmoth a week ago.”

“He already has his trial, in a week.” Disbelief. Not worng either.

“It took the citizens of paris a week to finish voting. Finally tallies come in tonight if we try him as humans or if the kwami—gods of various concepts—are the ones to try him for his crimes. Afterall, he enslaved one kwami and abused another.”

Superman was not doing well, far too pale. Shock? No, they sent so many videos before the JL banned them.

Guilt. Regret, too. Probably.

“Now can you put me down somewhere? I’m not out as a meta and indont plan on being out anytime soon. Any supporting the miraculous teams do have their enemies too, and i dont want to be targetted.”

Superman nodded. Numb? Possible.

She let hersef be taken down.

Pegasus was there, Flash on his way. Another person who could make her.

She had to move fast.

“I hope I cleared things up?”

Superman nodded.

Max was ready to fight, glaring at the blue boyscout.

“Ready to go Miss DC?”

Marinette nodded, letting him guide her to the portal.

Flash didnt make it in, but he didnt see her face either. She’s take the narrow victory.

They exited in the Paris Grande Hotel. The Mayor had Batman and Red Robin with him. Crap.

“Is this...”

“Our civilian contact, Miss DC,” Pegasus stated almost too professionally. Great, now Red would know they know each other as friends. batman too.

“Batman, Red Robin, correct?”

“Yes. We, we just found your heroes videos and came to help. I see we’re too late too.”

Marientte nodded, avioding eye contact with Red. She wasnt sure if he learned to act infront of Batman yet, and wasnt risking it.

“I heard you came up with many of the emergency procedures and built the comms system with Pegasus.”

“As a flyer, yes. As Miss DC I just make sure the team stays fed and Chat doesnt forget to sleep.”

Batman shot Red Robin a look as he said, “I know the feeling.”

Marinette didnt fight the smile then. Yes, that was her Hero Stalker Tim alright.

“Would you two be interested in helping the league develop a better system to sort incoming messages?”

Pegasus moved first. “If we do, Miss DC is to be left alone. Her mother is very atrict about her not getting involved in science, and refuses to believe that her daughter has been actively helping the miraculous team.”

Batman turned his attention to Marinette then. “Is that so?”

Marinette nodded. “My birth father and her left on... terms i never got the jist of. He and his friends teach me in secret. Mama,” not maman, she forced herself to say, “she said something about it being destructive and dangerous, so she wants me to stick to the arts instead.”

Batman nodded. “Experiments can be, but that doesnt undercut the good you’ve done. I’ll tell the league you will work off-site should you accept.”

Marinette nodded along. “I can help where Pegasus gets stuck, and be contacted through him but otherwise would prefer not to be contacted by the League. I’m a civilian, and no offense, but there ahve been leaks before.”

“Understandable. The league thanks you for your help, and apoligizes for what you went through.”

Marinette could feel the hole Red Robin was burning into her. He earings. And the fox miraculous. Shit. He knew.

Marinette wanted to punch the league in their face collectively.

“All May i go now, i have a meeting to get to.”

“Of course.”

Pegasus opened the portal and escorted her out.

They both waited five minites, Max feeding Kaalki, for the call.

“So why didnt you tell me?” Tim was pissed.

“Media blackout. Any time i tried to call it was blocked.”

Tim swore. “Alfred!”

“You are so lucky Pegasus doesnt know anything about gotham.”

“He’s there?”

“I work with him alot.”

“So when you visited Gotham...”

“French government would know. Not hard to connect the dots of girl leaves to see gotham fmaily and suddenly the league shows up after banning all of Paris from contact.”

“I. When did it happen?”

“Before Chrismas. I would have had Nonna tell you but she didnt know either until after the fact and they said if she told anyone itd be me going to jail for her.”

“That’s. What hellscape do you live in?”

“I died so many times i don’t even know now.” She stopped keeping track after she got into the eighties. That wasn’t even a full year into being Ladybug.

“That’s not comforting.”

“Please tell me that you’re not outing me to Bats. I just got two leaguers off my tail.”

“I won’t tell him, but if the new Robin does i’m not stopping him.”

She almost forgot Talia’s son was a Robin. She didnt see him in uniform yet—as Damian (not wayne but damian who was mourning lost family, damian who didnt know how to talk to people his age). She knows he’s a bit thick with social cues, and his detective skills need work in her opinion but he’s skeptical and has good insticts. He might make her as Marinette if he’s there.

“Is he...”

“He’s with the Titans now, but theyre debating coming here to yell at the league.”

“Videoing it?”

“Obviously. Want a copy?”

“Ill make popcorn before watching.”

“Rkc are doing well by the way—stopped a human trafficking ring and i think they took the victims.”

“Harley’s working with them,” marientte got he update earlier. “Hood and zsasz took out the lower and mid tier that woudlnt snitch. The case should be smooth sailing—the sirens put out a blanket hit on anyone trying to touch the witnesses.”

“So managing two teams this whole time,” red murmured, almost... bitter, or disapointed in something—no someone. Himself?

“Just tweaking things. Daesuqa handles most the team since she found me and Chat. Apparently she was compatible enough to do a lot of the non-fighting work. I still did battle strategy and all but,” Marinette shrugged.

“She focused in survival aspects here, and long term stability for Gotham. Daesuqa has handled most of non-kwami work here outside of kwami and candidates,” Max added. “On top of her work as a student and designer and inventor.”

Red Robin groaned. “When do you sleep?”

Marinette hummed. “I have meds to make me. And angry family to make me take them.”

“Her... what are we calling him now?” Mac was asking about Felix, adiren’s gremlin cousin who’s mom isntryign to adopt her. Also a fellow reverse theif and possessive friend.

“Uh, gremlin.”

“Her gremlin calls to let is know if she does get rest on the weekends and we trade off on weekdays.”

Red robin hummed into the phone. “So staying to the shadows?”

Trixx and Tikki looked up at Marinette at that. tikki wanted her to be the Ladybug, the be seen and everywhere and she...

Trixx knew why Marinette liked the shadows and background. Trix understood that bit.

“Yeah, i’ll still play in between and have some kwami things for life now.” She and Chat were working out gaurdian duties still.

She wasnt interested in the JL.

@emeraldpuffguide @ilovefluffbutsmutisalsogreat @mystery-5-5 @weird-pale-blonde-person @dast218

#maribat au #maribat #bio! dad au #bio!dad strange #bio!dad au #ml au #my au #my idea #marinette strange dupain cheng

[breath-of-void]

Birds of Prey Rewrite

Alright, I know I’ve already posted more in an hour than I have in all of 2019 and it’s about this one fuckin’ movie, but it had such potential and I hate to see it wasted.

I’m going to write out my approximation of the perfect Birds of Prey/ Harley Quinn movie just for the catharsis. Heavy text post ahead.

So, the movie starts as it normally does, with the animated scene of Harley’s backstory complete with her stealing the diamond and Joker taking credit. We then continue the same way right up to the point where she blows up Ace Chemicals and maybe a little beyond that for the purposes of Montoya and Canary. I’d leave out Huntress herself, but make a point of Montoya finding high profile killers with crossbow bolts in them. We might interlace Canary’s introduction scene with Cassandra having her comfort the kid, give her $20 and head TO work at Sionis’ club.

Then I would have Harley get it into her kooky little head that if Joker wasn’t going to be her boyfriend anymore then she wanted her stuff back. Stuff, in this case, being the diamond she stole in the opening sequence. 

We can write Joker out of it somehow. Maybe he’s in DC trying to assassinate the president or maybe he’s been recently caught by Batman and is enjoying a brief stint in Arkham, either way, Harley storms his safehouse the same way she did the police station in the movie, only, this time she brings Bruce along because why not. She succeeds and gets her diamond back with minimal effort, but, as she’s leaving, Cassandra wafts by and steals the diamond.

Harley notices and gives chase. Cassandra books shit, but gets trapped in an alley. Not thinking clearly, she swallows the diamond before Harley and Bruce catch up with her. Harley demands it, she reveals that its making super slow progress through her digestive tract and Harley sighs in exasperation. Next scene has them in the supermarket picking up laxatives and stuff. That scene in the movie was great and doesn’t require any changing, maybe have Bruce bounding along behind them for the sake of continuity. Someone can ask if that’s a hyena and Harley will respond that it’s her pet cat, or rabbit, or something ridiculous. 

The scene leading to Harley’s house is the same. Meeting her landlord and her and Cassandra just chilling at home are all perfect. 

At this point we can show Sionis and Zsasz for the first time in a primary scene (before we can have them interspersed in the background; little nods to them being the antagonists, but not really hogging the light). Sionis finds out that the Bertinelli Diamond is not only in Gotham, but right down the street in Joker’s safehouse (I don’t think we really need to explain what it is at this point, but make it seem important). Sionis sends Zsasz and an army of thugs to get it back by any means necessary, even if it means pissing off the Joker. 

They get there to find the safehouse already broken into and everyone either dead or unconscious. The diamond is, of course, gone. They question one of the guards and are told that Harley stole the diamond. Zsasz goes back to Sionis and, now that they are actively looking for her, it takes them the rest of the night to find out where she lives (or, at least, the restaurant she likes to visit). They show up, interrogate the Thai guy and, when he refuses to talk, they kill him (that can be done offscreen. Maybe have him say something like “I’ll never talk” and Sionis, in his black mask, says “they always do, eventually”).

Back to Harley and Cassandra, they’re out for the day training Bruce to attack on command. Harley is warming up to Cassandra, but won’t admit it. Maybe they cross paths with Huntress, but don’t know it. They get back home to find that the Thai guy isn’t there and Harley’s room is more ransacked than usual. Harley needs sugar to calm down so she goes to get some ice cream, but, oh shit, the Thai guy’s head is in the freezer. In his mouth is some dramatic note like ‘Turn Around’ or ‘You’d better duck’. As she reads it, it’s revealed that Sionis left Zsasz behind for when Harley came back and he’s about to strike, but Cassandra says the command word (I’m thinking “puddin’”) and Bruce attacks Zsasz. In the confusion, the three escape. 

Harley is now under the impression that Sionis and Zsasz are after her as Joker isn’t protecting her anymore. “What did you do to them?” What didn’t I do?” cue rapid flashbacks of her wrecking Sionis’ club in various ways. Harley opts to leave Gotham and insists on bringing Cassandra because she still has her property. Cassandra doesn’t really want to go, so Harley handcuffs them together. Road trip!

Now, back to the Birds, Montoya gets suspended and she uses her new freedom to go after low profile assassins that she has files on. This can be our introduction to her fighting skill. She makes it to the “boss” at the same time as Huntress (first proper appearance) and the two duke it out as Montoya is still anti-murder, being a cop and all. Huntress gets the upper hand and kills the guy. She then lets it be known that she only has one target left and she’ll leave Gotham: Victor Zsasz. Montoya, I’d give some trauma relating to Zsasz. Maybe her ex was murdered by him or her parents or her partner and, in a moment of darkness, she agrees to lead Huntress to him. 

She has a contact with Canary who dislikes all cops due to the mom dying thing, but understands that some evils just can’t be stopped. She helps with information from time to time but never properly gets involved. Huntress and Montoya show up at her place asking for information on Zsasz only to be told that Sionis sent Zsasz after Harley (keep in mind, at this point, no one knows that Cassandra actually has the diamond). Huntress asks who Harley was and we get Montoya’s voice over describing Harley in the most negative-positive ways (something like “She’s an evil genius trapped within a psycho brain” or something to that effect) as we show Harley and Cassandra barrelling down a highway in a stolen semi.

Still with the Birds, Huntress recognizes Harley from that time they bumped into each other (Harley is pretty memorable) and notes that she had a scruffy-looking kid with her. Based on description, Canary goes to check with Cassandra’s parents and have her fears confirmed when the dad is glad that she hasn’t been home in at least a day. Pissed off, she lets the others know that Zsasz 100% will kill Harley and Cassandra to get back the diamond. This is where Montoya explains what the Bertinelli Diamond is (or... or... OR, Huntress does as she’s a Bertinelli herself). They all agree, more or less, that Zsasz needs to be stopped. We can have a heartfelt scene where Canary doesn’t want to go because of what happened to her mother, but Montoya convinces her that her mother would have gone to help no matter what.

On to the Harlandra Quain hijinx, they get into scraps on their journey. I’d imagine Harley would stop at every available restroom to let Cassandra try to pass the diamond, but to no avail. There should a scene where Harley and Cassandra have a fight and Cassandra reveals thats he could have gotten out of the handcuffs at anytime, locking Harley’s hands together, but neglecting to run explaining to Harley that she’s an orphan and that no one really cared about her. Harley probably psychoanalyzes her, getting to the root of her kleptomania. Cassandra also tells Harley that she’s the first real mom she’s ever had (or, at least, big sister). I also imagine a biker bar scene in which they get into trouble and Harley has to kick ass to get them out. They run back to their vehicle and take off, but the bikers don’t follow them. When Harley questions this, Cassandra reveals that she stole their spark plugs. 

Zsasz closes in on the trail.

The Birds also bond as they travel together, picking up the pieces that Harley and Cassandra leave behind. Maybe Montoya is more insistent of helping despite losing the trail and the others are annoyed, but come around because they are fundamentally good people.

Harley and Cassandra’s story reach a head when Cassandra finds a family willing to adopt her. Their vehicle breaks down and they meet a nice rural family who is totally down with taking in this orphan kid. Harley feels betrayed as she had hecking grown to love Cassandra and didn’t want to give her up. She leaves in anger, forgetting about her diamond in the process.

Zsasz catches up with Cassandra and, from reports of Harley travelling with a child, puts two and two together that she has the diamond. He kills her new family and contacts Sionis. I imagine he then performs amateur surgery on her to get the diamond out.

Harley, in the mean time, gets into a car crash as she’s super reckless and her getting hit has her remember some of her time with Joker. She remembers why she and him heisted the diamond in the first place (it was the Bertinelli diamond) and she remembers that, when Victor attacked her in her apartment, he demanded something. This clicks that they aren’t after her, but are after the diamond which Cassandra has. She turns around and goes back for her.

Her and the Birds meet up and have a fight with Canary using her scream more than once for goodness sake. Bruce is there too, of course. The fight ends in a stalemate as it comes out that Harley does not have Cassandra or the diamond and that both are in danger. At that moment, Sionis drives past unaware of them and they plan to team up to save Cassandra.

Zsasz has finished cutting Cassandra open and sewing her crudely back together. He has the diamond along with at least two other things Cassandra has swallowed, showing that she regularly did that to hide things and that was probably why she hadn’t been able to pass the diamond. 

Sionis gets there and he and Zsasz rejoice over having the diamond back and plot their takeover of Gotham. The Birds+Harley arrive during this but keep out of the way. Sionis and Zsasz decide to kill Cassandra because any loose end is a problem. At this, the Birds+Harley attack and there’s the climactic fight.

Zsasz first fights with Canary, but quickly switches to fight Huntress as the climax of her story. Fight scene, fight scene, fight scene and it ends with a crossbow bolt in Zsasz’s neck and a bullet in the back of Sionis’ (maybe Bruce eats him). The Birds+Harley+Cassandra head back to a diner to recuperate. 

Cassandra heads to the bathroom to enjoy her new freed bowels as the other discuss their future crime fighting career. They settle on the name Birds of Prey because, I dunno. Perhaps, during the scenes of them bonding, Canary reminisces that she once thought that canaries were birds of prey because her mother was such a badass. The others assured her that, with her, it damn well was. Cassandra calls for Harley to help her and Harley goes. 

After a while, the Birds wonder what’s taking them so long and look out the window to see them driving off. As they rush to their vehicles to give chase, they realize that they can’t start them. In their car, Harley and Cassandra grin and knock together the spark plugs they stole. The rest of the movie proceeds as it did originally.

  And that is all.

#harleen quinzel #birds of prey #rewrite #cassandra cain #renee montoya #huntress #black canary #dc #margot robbie

[reefman-archive]

Gotham Review

Since I just recently finished the Gotham series I would like to make my opinion on it

It’s a really great prequel Batman show Season 1 was really tame and more realistic and in Season 2 they just said “fuck it SCIENCE” I’m also going to talk Season 3 was cool with the Court of Owls and all that and the Season 4 Leauge of “Shadows” was weird but all the villains teaming up was really cool and the Season 5 plot was straight out of Arkham City and Dark Knight Rises but I liked it for that and the final episode was really good

Villains

The Penguin/Oswald Cobbelpot: They did Penguin very unique instead of being a kid from Britain destined to destroy the Waynes he’s a guy who’s tired of being just “Fish Mooney’s Umbrella Boy” I do think him being gay for Riddler wasn’t needed but it did make for an interesting rivalry between the two

The Riddler/Edward Nygma: The Riddler is my favorite Batman villain and I like what they did with him being a crazy lunatic tired of being looked down on by the GCPD

Victor Zsasz: MY MAN he’s the funniest character in the show I like him better than “I’m GOnNa cRaVe ThIs pERson’S ExIstEncE InTo my FLESH baTman” and his actor is just funny in general I do wish they showed more of his cuts from killing people except for that one scene

Poison Ivy/Ivy Pepper: I don’t understand why they changed and I think it’s kinda weird that she’s still technically like 16 or 17 or 18 but I think it’s funny that the toxin mostly makes people go “Yo you know how fucking AWESOME Ivy is?”

Barbara Keen: I don’t like that she went crazy and then later became a sorta Harley Quinn clone and the whole Leauge of “Shadows” which should be Leauge of Assassins because that’s what they’re called but I do like that they gave her a “redemption arc” with her kid.

Azrael/Theo Galavan: I thought it was interesting and I didn’t know that he was one of the Azraels and he’s super whinny about something that happened to his family centuries ago

Solomon Grundy/Butch Gilzean/Cyrus Gold: Loved Butch and Loved Grundy I liked the friendship between Ed and Grundy as well but it really sucked to see him die

Mad Hatter/Jervis Tetch: I did really like him and sucks that he didn’t show up much during Season 5 and when he did WHY WAS HIS MUSTACHE AND GOATEE GONE and I don’t know why they needed to make Jervis go all Sweet Home Alabama

Hugo Strange: He’s responsible for half the shit that happens in the series and it’s sorta annoying

Bane/Eduardo Dorrance: Bane wasn’t that good but they got his backstory down but I think it would have been hilarious if they kept his teddy bear Ottso in his backstory

Jerome Valeska: His actor does a great performance of a “Joker but also not Joker character” it was so weird after watching a Jedi Fallen Order playthrough to see him act like a lunatic

Joker/Jeremiah Valeska: I wish he had more energy but still a pretty good Joker

Nyssa Al Ghul: I didn’t like that she was upset her father was dead for the knowledge I have of her she dose t like her father at all and wants him dead and how the fuck did she know Barbara did a tag team on Ra’s with Bruce anyway?

Ra’s Al Ghul: He was weird and he came back to life just to die again and I didn’t like how there was a picture of him and a person that looked like Barbara that was stupid

Scarecrow/Johnathan Crane: Scarecrow introduction was good having him start a riot in Arkham that episode felt like Outlast

The Ventriloquist and Scarface/Arthur Penn: I really wish they did kill him off Ventriloquist is a really interesting character and I wish they did more with him

Carmine Falcone: He’s a really cool mob boss that’s all I can really say because I don’t know much about him

Sophia Falcone: Bitch

Proffesser Pyg/Lazlo Valentin: I really liked him and I thought him being a hired gun was also interesting

The Court of Owls: They were cool and interesting that’s all I can say really

Fish Mooney: Also a bitch but more cooler

Firefly/Bridgit Pike: I like the different take on Firefly and how she’s not just someone who got burned up

Mr. Freeze/Victor Fries: I didn’t like that Nora was killed and Mr. Freeze not having the dime on his head is weird but his suit looked a lot like the Arkham Games and to me the writers of the show really like the Arkham Games

The Executioner/Nathaniel Barnes: I like that he went crazy and was hellbent on killing all criminals

Mario Falcone: Yandere

#gotham #im not listing all the villains

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Gotham” S5E4

...WOOF.

Also, this is just the episode of poor decisions all around.

AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post. 

*imitates the Epic Voice Trailer guy doing the Gotham commercials and ends up laughing*

Is Selina ever gonna find out that Tabitha died?  Like, she was her mentor!

Oh God, is Will dead?!?

*A shot of the fiery Haven*  Oh my God... I don’t even wanna know the casualty count for this.

*jaw drops in absolute shock*

*Barbara points her gun at Oswald*  BARBARA YOU BETTER NOT!  NOT RIGHT NOW!

Oh my God!

Holy shit!  Something tells me this was NOT Jeremiah.  I don’t think- no, no, this wouldn’t have been him. 

Holy shit!

*softly gasps in horror when Harvey gives Jim the badge that he gave Will*

Nooo!  Where’s Will?  Where the frick did that kid go?  I know he’s alive!

*reels back when the opening theme starts*  We have to start an episode like that?!?

Oh my God..

“As of now, death toll stands at 311.  49 injured, more than 2 dozen left unaccounted for.”  *drops jaw in horror*

OK, we are meeting the Walker character!

“You have been promising me help for weeks.”  So how much time has passed between the first episode and this episode?

*An angry crowd comes into the precinct*  No one is gonna be happy!

OH MY GOD, JIM DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT BRUCE AND SELINA!

*reels back*  Shiiiiitt...

“But whoever destroyed that building can’t destroy the hope we’ve built.  Not unless we let them.”  Jim, I don’t think a speech is gonna help this time.

Lucius!  He’s in this episode this time!  Oh thank God!

“Nothing makes sense anymore.”  *shakes head*

“SELINA!”  Oh my God, Bruce!

Oh my God...

*Some of Ecco’s goons come in*  Ohh no.  Ohhhhhhhhhh noooo.

*Bruce beats up some of the goons while he’s still handcuffed to the door*  Holy crap, Bruce!  Let’s go!

*can’t help but laugh when Bruce tries throwing a wrench at a goon and missing him by a long shot*

*Alfred comes to the rescue*  Ohhh!!  Alfred!  Yes!

“I was afraid you didn’t get my signal.  Lucius said the range was only a couple of miles.”  What is that?!?

“Now go on then... how did that happen?”  Selina.

“I think you’re telling porkies.”  *laughs*  What?

AN:  British slang for a big lie.

“Until that day comes... I think we should go find her.  Don’t you?”  Oh God...

“Because the person who blew up Haven has to be stopped.  That’s all that matters now.”  So who blew up Haven?

“We heard people talking about a shady guy working around Haven before it blew.”  “This is Gotham.  You’re [Barbara] gonna have to do better than ‘shady guy.’“  *laughs*

Harlow Park?  How many parks are there?

“Do you really think I could have murdered all those people?”  No... that’s not your nature.  Barbara wouldn’t have done it.

*Penguin and Co. wait for Jim in the precinct*  Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhh-oooooohhhhh...

Is Oswald gonna try and team up with Jim?

*mouths along with Oswald saying “woefully apparent”*

“...you [Jim] are outmanned, outgunned, and out of options.”  *sings*  OUTNUMBERED, OUTPLANNED!

*Penguin’s men bring in more guns*  Holy shit, they’re bringing in the big guns.  Literally and figuratively!

“Ain’t you [Oswald] just St. Nick on Christmas morning?”  *chuckles*

“I’m guessing there are strings attached?”  “No strings.  Save for the one that we’ll cinch around the neck of the Haven bomber.”  Wow, everyone just really likes Jim today!  OK, OK... OK, something’s going on.

“Let’s just hold that in abeyance for the moment.”  Abeyance?

AN:  Means that you’re gonna put something on hold for the moment.

“What do you [Jim] say, partner?”  Oh God.

I thought he [Oswald] was gonna call him “old friend.”

*eyebrows raise in confusion when Ed finds a suitcase on his daybed*  Whaaat the...

I like this music going on.

[IN AT #1215]  Inmate?  Inmate!

“Inmate #1215 knows.  KNOWS WHAT?!?”  OK, are we talking like Blackgate or Arkham?

Where are we going?

Oh my God, the mayor posters [from S3]!

*The GCPD and Oswald’s group march*  Whoa, now that’s a troop!

“Don’t tell me I gave them hope!  They’re dead.”  JIIIIIMMMM...

*Oswald pulls out a megaphone*  Of course he has a megaphone!

“There goes the element of surprise.”  *laughs*

“We will root you out like the vermin you are!”  OSWALD, stop talking!

*gasps when someone shoots the megaphone*

Whoa whoa wait...

“We’re sitting ducks out here.”  “And one Penguin.  Hey Oswald, why don’t you crawl out there, grab that bullhorn, tell him to come out here quietly?”  *laughs*

*imitates Oswald’s insulted “Yooouu...”*

“Pretty cozy up here.”  *gasps excitedly and slams hands on desk*  IT’S ZSASZ!  IT’S ZSASZ!

“Oh hey guys!”  *excitedly waves hands*  HIIII!!!

*Victor blows Oswald a kiss*  OH MY GOD!

*Ed steals a refugee’s blanket in order to sneak into the precinct*  Are we serious?  Ed, are we kidding?  Are you kidding me?  That is the worst disguise!

It’s the “Thor Ragnarok” disguise!

*gasps when Lucius catches Ed in the records room*

“It’s impolite to sneak up on people.”  “So is breaking and entering.”  *laughs*

“I am given and I am taken.  I was there from your first breath and I will follow you until your death.”  Your name.

“Call it a personal matter.”  I love that pose [that Ed does]!

He looks like Jim Carrey in the beginning of Batman Forever, with the hair hanging in his face?  Holy crap.

“What is it that you [Lucius] would like?”  “Your [Ed’s] expertise.”  Whoa, what?

“So the second smartest man in Gotham needs my help?”  Ed, shut up.

*cracks up when Ed tries to take the file from Lucius and utterly fails*

*slams fist aggressively on desk*  Detectives Lucius Fox and Edward Nygma on the case!  Let’s go!

“I [Victor] did not make that building go boom, Jim.”  *cracks up*

“You gave up any shred of honor long ago!  Why should we believe a snake like you?!?”  “Because I would never take credit for somebody’s else’s work?”  I!  Love!  Zsasz!

“Is this about Sofia Falcone?  You should really move past that.  It’s not healthy.”  *laughs*

*still laughing*  Ahhh, I need to breathe!

He [Oswald] literally has a watch and is just holding it up!

Oh my God, is Jim gonna sneak up there and like, sneak attack him [Zsasz]?  Let’s go, Jim!

*cracks up when Zsasz goes for a drink break*

*Jim body slams Zsasz to the ground*  Oh my God!

Holy shit, Jim, that was the fastest take down I’ve ever seen!

“Well done, Jim.  We make a hell of a team.”  Surprisingly yes!

“Allow me [Oswald] to deal with him [Victor].”  No, no, we’re not- no, no.

“One of the areas I [Oswald] excel at is the loosening of tongues-”  Could we not word it like that?

Oswald, do not eff this up!

*Selina follows Ecco to Jeremiah’s lair*  Ohhhhhhh here we go!

*softly*  Hoooooo here we gooo...

How did you get there so fast, Selina?

*gasps when Jeremiah slits Sykes’s throat*

“Well, not with that attitude you’re not.”  *leans far and away from screen*  Shiiiiiittt, mannn!

“Everyone, let’s reach inside and dig a little deeper, shall we?”  TIM CURRY, THAT YOU?!?

*freaks out in disgust when Jeremiah licks blood off his knife*

Ohhhh... Oh God...

*pauses when Jeremiah starts talking to himself*

*laughs when Jeremiah stops talking to himself and awkwardly clears his throat when Ecco walks in*

*gasps when Jeremiah grabs Ecco by the neck to inspect her scar*

*is pretty much speechless when Jeremiah and Ecco start dancing*

“Bruce Wayne and his sidekick Curls- or is he the sidekick?”  *gives small smile*

“And Curls can walk.  Really well.  Especially... for a paraplegic.”  *jaw drops*

*raises eyebrow in interest when Jeremiah purrs appreciatively at Ecco*

Should we leave them alone at all... like do they need anything?

Like snacks.... a condom?  Like, like... um... kay...

AN:  Also, I can definitely tell that Cameron Monaghan looked at Tim Curry for Jeremiah, especially the voice and the way he looks at people.  Y’know how Tim Curry’s voice in “Rocky Horror Picture Show” just oozes this sort of sexual presence?  That’s exactly what he’s doing, especially when he’s with Ecco.

“OK recruits, let’s do like my daddy did before my sixth birthday and move out!”  *literally chokes on my drink*

Oh my God, wha- *has to take a moment to calm down and cough up my lungs*

OH MY GOD, did- did she just say [Ecco] that?

“Evidence of deflagration would suggest something with a slower burn rate, like gunpowder or nitroglycerin.”  A bazooka?  Did someone bazooka the building?

“The bomb was the building.”  *imitates the way Ed says “the bomb”*

“Ow!  That’s a really nice table.”  *chuckles*

“Figured with you guys occupied, I [Victor] might help myself to some of your supplies.”  Of course he would!

“If I blew up a building full of people, I would have covered every inch of my body in sweet, sweet scars.”  But let’s see them!

“You gonna do a strip search?  I’d [Victor] let Alvarez do it.  He’s handsome.”  *jaw drops*  Ohh my God!

AN:  What’s better is that line was improvised by Anthony Carrigan.

Oh that shot’s awesome [of Oswald in the precinct entrance]

“Oh, I did not expect you to go soft, Jim.”  He’s not going soft!  He’s telling you the evidence!

*shakes head and sighs in disappointment when Oswald orders his men to bring him Zsasz*

“Despite our inflamed passions-”  Could you not say that?

“Good to know who’s really in charge here, Jim.”  Oooohhh...

“That and the RPG case is right over there.”  Did the guy literally just leave out all the evidence for them to find?  Great job, dude.

“I truly hope you find whoever did this and make them pay.”  OK, so like everyone is after this Haven shooter!

“I appreciate your help, Ed.  Couldn’t have done it without you.  If you tell anyone I said that, I will deny it.”  *chuckles*  Lucius, I love you!

*Ed reads that the inmate he’s looking for is dead*  Oh my God...

Wait, why does he [Ed] have blood on his sleeve cuff?

“Deaf old bat!”  Oh my God...

“You gotta do something.”  “Yeah, like what?  Make another speech?”  *laughs* 

“Maybe this is what the people need.”  Jim, no!  You are turning into Magneto from “Dark Phoenix!”

“So, will I [Victor] be appointed a lawyer?  I feel like my rights are being violated.”  *chuckles*

*Victor gets his mouth duct taped shut*  MMM-MMM...

“He [Jim] claims that Mr. Zsasz is not responsible for the bombing!”  LISTEN TO THE EVIDENCE!

“Captain Gordon, if you would like to say something, now is the time.”  Do not make another freaking speech!

Tell the evidence, Jim!  Come on!  *slams water bottle on desk*

“I know you all want justice-”  Oh my- JIIM, we don’t need a speech!  We do not need a speech!

“What we do now is more important than ever.”  They're not gonna like that.

“Now that the defense has rested, let’s put it to the crowd.”  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

*Crowd calls Zsasz guilty*  Oh my God... WELP...

Oh there’s the Penguin theme in the background

*shakes head in disapproval*  Ohhhh my God...

Can we go back to Jeremiah?

OH MY GOD, IS THAT A GUILLOTINE?!?

*gasps*  The Pax Penguina posters!

“...I sentence you, Victor Zsasz, to die.”  No.

“Any last words?”  *sings*  THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY!

*gasps when Oswald shoots the rope holding the guillotine blade up*

*sighs in relief when Harvey drags Zsasz away just in time*  Ohhhh my God, I thought he was gonna die!

Holy shit, I thought they were gonna kill off Victor.  Ohhh my God...

“I [Harvey] gotta be honest, Jim, I don’t know how safe Zsasz is gonna be at the GCPD.”  He’s not going to be safe.  Or he’s gonna escape.

*Jim decides to let Victor go*  Jesus Christ, Jim!

“This city will never be what you it to be, Jim.  It’s always gonna belong to the bad guys... like me.”  Hell yes it does!  Accept it, Jim!

“Give him your gun, Harvey!”  What??

We are not doing a showdown right now, Jim!

He’s [Victor] not gonna shoot Jim, he’s not gonna shoot him...

*gasps*  He [Jim] wants Victor to shoot him!

*jaw drops in shock*

*collapses back in relief when Victor turns him down*  Oh my God... oh my God...

“See you around, Jim.”  Jesus Christ...

Jim is losing it in this episode!

*gasps when some of the tunnel workers get knocked out*

That was Bruce, right?

*Bruce emerges from the shadows and catches up to Alfred*  YEAAHHH!  Let’s go!

Also, holy crap, how did they track down everyone else so fast?

*laughs when Jeremiah starts fanning himself with his hat*

“So what do we do when we feel like giving up?”  “Dig a little deeper.”  *starts singing “Dig a Little Deeper” from “The Princess and the Frog”*

*gasps and yells in absolute shock when Jeremiah gets stabbed*

“Deep enough?”  *covers mouth in hands and yells*

THEY’RE [the workers] JUST GONNA STAND THERE [while Selina stabs Jeremiah]?!?

*screams into hands when Selina stabs Jeremiah multiple times*

NO NO NO nonononono!

*yells when Bruce comes in and pulls Selina off Jeremiah*

*gasps when the workers go after Bruce*

OK, wait wh- what happened to Selina?!?

GET UP- NO, NONONONO!  GET UP!

*slams hands on desk repeatedly*  You’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine!  Get up, get up, get up!

*sits back in chair*  Oh my God...

“I hate stairs!”  Me too!

OK, hold on, hold on...

“You were on the roof and you had some kind of a rocket.”  *jaw drops in shock*  OH MY GOD, ED BLEW UP HAVEN?!?

*Ed starts to remember*  Oh my God!

Why?!?  Why would he blow up Haven?!?

Also, the long hair and bowler hat is not a look.

*jaw drops when we see Ed blow up Haven in a flashback*

Woman in Apartment!  1215!

*Gasps when Ed shoves the witness out the window to her death*

Uh wha- wha-

*Jim takes a drink of whiskey*  Yeah, god damn, Jim, me too if I was old enough.

*shakes head*  WHY IS BARBARA THERE?!?

“Poor Jim.  All alone again.”  SHUT UP, Barbara.

“No one knows what it’s like to be him.”  Barbara, get the hell out!  Stop talking-

*Barbara gets in Jim’s face*  NO!  NO!  NONONONONO!  NO!  STOP IT!  RIGHT NOW!

MMMMMMMMMMMMM NO!  NO NO NO.

Jim, you better freaking not.

NO

*LEAVES THE ROOM when Jim kisses Barbara* Get the f-

*sits back down after a good five seconds*  Get the frick out of here!

*End credits start*  That’s it?  We’re just- we’re gonna end on that?  We’re gonna- what?!?

Wha- no, Jeremiah ain’t dead.  They’re gonna freakin’ leave Jeremiah there.  They’re gonna- Jesus...

Really?!?

I’m gonna need like a week to recover from that.  Holy crap!

#ruin #Gotham #gotham spoilers #gotham fox #gotham season five #FOX #the blogger reacts #looked at the stars and considered a reaction #selina kyle #edward nygma #barbara kean #jim gordon #lucius fox #bruce wayne #oswald copplepot #victor zsasz #jeremiah valeska #ecco gotham #eccomiah #anthony carrigan #tim curry #harvey bullock #alfred pennyworth #cameron monaghan #will thomas

[falcobblepots]

Why must people constantly attack Gotham for it’s “bad writing”

When half of it is just people being angry because it isn’t written like one of their fanfics?

and the other half is coming from people who like shit like The Big Bang Theory or whatever. 

Everyone may not have this opinion, but Gotham is way better written than half the other hero shows on tv, because it’s real, it doesn’t pretend to be something it isn’t, it shows the  complexities of humanity, bad guys, good guys, it doesn’t pretend there is a black and white view of morality and life, it shows us all the ugly sides of love, life, loss, pain, emotional blackmail, romance, losing your mind, losing your life, your friends.  

It’s the realest show because it doesn’t care about being extraordinary, this is about the life of these people at the rawest moments, it’s not about being super strong, or super smart, it’s about living and surviving. 

I think that Gotham accomplishes this very well, and it’s writing is fantastic. Sofia in particular was a match for one of the series most manipulative characters (Oswald), she’s smart, cunning and she was able to play Gotham like a fiddle from hell.

Jim is written very well, his realistic turn from man who wants to do the right thing, to man who thinks he still wants to do the right thing but will do anything to take down the criminals, he becomes ruthless but pretends he is better, and it shines a light on how he acts in the comics. He always goes to batman for help in the comics but then takes the credit and tries to arrest Bruce for being a vigilante. 

I could go on and on, but I’d be here for months talking about how Gotham has made these characters with so much DEPTH, even Zsasz who was simply a mindless killer became a more important character past his introduction.  Barbara who was the fiancee of Jim in the beginning, simply just there, turned into the most ruthless bad bitch in Gotham (until Sofia showed up, of course)

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

Gotham 4x03: A Liveblog

It’s that time of the week again. Hoo boy. I have a sneaking suspicion my son gets thawed this episode and... PHEW, body is not ready. But, here we sure go.

TL;DR - Why.

Question: why does Arabia 125 A.D. look like an edgy production of Les Miz? Just saying

Into the Resurrection Pond! Because... y’know... that’s a thing. That is... Clearly how resurrecting is done. It all totally makes sense now

What is this, divine amniotic fluid? Also why are his clothes gone? He definitely had clothes when he went in. Why did the pond dissolve his clothes but heal his body? ...wut?

I... I don’t... old guy, you’ve explained officially nothing. Nothing here makes sense. What the fuck.

We have a fancy sword now, that’s ALL I’m taking away from this.

BTW, this is a show about Batman

I wonder what the mysterious crates Penguin’s shipping contain

Meanwhile in... Spain? Mexico? Is this what Falcone meant when he said “a place down South”? I thought he meant like... fucking Jersey, not south of the border XDDD

Anyway, meanwhile Jim is here in this tonal departure of a location to get his head shot off

Oh jesus fuck and there’s ALREADY ANOTHER LOVE INTEREST? FUCK EVERYTHING. WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS, ALWAYS STUBBORNLY, OBSESSIVELY SHUNTING JIM INTO EVERY HETERO SHIP THAT COMES ALONG? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO SHE IS, SHE’S JUST SOME CHICK RIDING A HORSE, BUT GIVEN THE WAY THIS SHOW RUNS, SHE’S PROBABLY FALCONE’S DAUGHTER OR GRAND NIECE OR SOME BULLSHIT AND JIM WILL HAVE YET ANOTHER DOOMED ROMANCE WITH HER IN THE EYES OF PAPA FALCONE WHO IS COMPLETELY HIS DAD SUBSTITUTE. JESUS.

Please get a NEW FUCKING PLOT Gotham

Unrelated: Margot Verger flashbacks, but this show 1) would never and 2) Does Not Deserve Margot. They Could Never.

STOP LOOKING AT HORSE GIRL OH MY GOD, Why is my life suffering.

YUP. CALLED IT. FUCKING CALLED IT. HIS DAUGHTER. GUESS WHO JIM’S NEXT RELATIONSHIP IS WITH GUYS? I hate myself, I hate this show. Fuck you all.

Godddddd and she’s the heir to the throne, wants to take over the family business... Fuck. This. Fuck This. Fuck everything. I hate this show.

I’ll miss you Papa Falcone, I’m so sorry you couldn’t help us this time and instead enabled a TERRIBLE subplot that I already fucking HATE. HATE SO MUCH.

“A real crime”? because muggings aren’t real crimes? Great, I’ll inform the government of that shall I? Tell them to stop breathing down my neck when I pirate music. Just because Selina was there Bruce doesn’t make it a better crime than any other. If you go after only big fish, buddy, you’ll become like Jim. Don’t do that shit Bruce. Don’t do that.

Alfred on point today, at least

Zsasz you beautiful angel, you vinyl wearing freak, I love you so much, you’re the only one I love, all the rest of them are trash. I only love you.

Talking to the ice block,mmmhmmm, mmmmmmhmmm, called it. Things going swimmingly for Nygmobblepot, as per usual

That’s uh... this is uh... uhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Who The Fuck?

Also you’re... you’re fucking kidding me. You’re fucking kidding me. A blowtorch. You’re going to melt him with A blowtorch. I... I’m. You’re SURE there isn’t a master power switch that would defrost him WAY faster than this? Because... y’know, if he’s STAYING in the ice at room temperature I uh... I’m PRETTY sure he’s hooked up to some cooling vents to... y’know. Keep him in the ice. So... this whole SINGLE blow torch rescue is... I want to say futile but it’s actually WAY more idiotic than that.

Holy fuck.

Also also WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU. You’re looking at Ed like you want to sit on his face and I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE IN MY LIFE WHICH MEANS ED HASN’T EITHER. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS TERRIBLE, ILL-ADVISED, SUICIDAL CRUSH ON HIM? IF OSWALD DOESN’T MURDER YOU, ED WILL, TRUST ME, THERE IS NO SCENARIO HERE WHERE YOU GET OUT ALIVE. HOLY FUCK YOU WERE NOT AROUND FOR SEASON 3. HOLY FUCK WOMAN WHY DID YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH AN ICEBERG, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

...Zsasz do you know something about this my sweet cream puff? Or are you just amused by Oswald ‘I’m Totally Over Ed Nygma’ Cobblepot screaming at you? I mean, both are fair, both are completely fair.

And I REALLY FEEL I MUST POINT OUT THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY SHE MELTED ED THAT FAST UNLESS SHE TURNED OFF THE FREEZER THAT WAS KEEPING HIM THERE. NO FUCKING WAY. Because, my dear friends, if she didn’t, then the water would have refrozen into harder ice before she could even make a dent. That’s literally how ice sculpture works, to get that nice, smooth, hard finish, you melt the ice and refreeze it and you do it over and over again to get the shape you want. UNLESS she turned off the frost on him, with ONE blowtorch there’s NO FUCKING WAY she got him melted in the SCANT HOURS Oswald was gone. FUCK THIS SHOW. WHY DID I HAVE A BETTER PLAN TO GET HIM OUT OF THE ICE THAN YOU DID?

Ohhhhh god you’re... a fucking psycho. oh god. Just what this needed.

I... I guess you’re the Harley Quin of this show... I... Mmm. mmm. this. this sure is happening. this sure is a thing.

I see we quick taught Bruce how to talk like a dock worker

Everyone needs an accent coach, I guess

Fancy knife makes a reappearance! The plot-relevant fancy knife!

Oswald’s coping with Ed being missing pretty well, all things considering. Also, interesting... belt arm bands. We’re kicking the kink back up in this show I see.

Ah Yes. This Millennia Old Illuminated Manuscript Proves Ra’s Al Ghul Is Immortal. Drawings In Books Are Irrefutable Proof Of Identity. 

Uggggggghhhhhhhh... back to Jim Het Subplot Gordon, ugh I feel like throwing up. All of my tears Harvey. I hope you’re pissed as hell with him.

I hope you kill him, sweetie. I hope you’re only here to murder him. I’d be proud of you.

asfghjshadgksahjfwkhfkjshfdksja <--- rage typing @ Jim’s everything

*siiiiiigh* Well, at least Ed isn’t attracted to her at all. Although... that’s just feeding me ALL of the Harley vibes and MMMM. MMMMMM. You know what we DIDN’T need?

Hmmmmm, Ed doesn’t... Ed seems to be processing some shit. Interestinggggg. There’s hope for this show yet.

Ummm... weird cut away shot. I think that was an homage to Hannibal, the extreme #aesthetic close up, but I’m afraid y’all don’t have the camera crew to carry that off as it took me 8 million years to understand what I was looking at

Hey! Acupuncture is a legit thing Ed, fuck you

Your body is just all fucked up man, this’ll take time

Ed’s uh... having some bad times. Huh. Didn’t think freezing him would fuck up his brain, but uh... let’s see. That would certainly be a departure from the icy convenience.

Ewwwwwwwww @ Jim’s romantic subplot. Ugh. Why.

HE KILLED YOUR BROTHER. GOD I HOPE YOU MURDER HIM.

*rolls around in despair*

Oswald likes Bruce at least, there’s like... one whole thing

Hmmmm, it was the old switcheroo. I mean... frankly I buy the muscle atrophy thing, that totally makes sense, and... I guess his body being fine but his brain being mush, even if it doesn’t make sense, it’s satisfying? Ehhh, we’ll see

Godddd *siiiiigh*

I see that Sofia has a thing against shirts so... I mean that’s a thing

*siiiiiiigh* I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.

Zsasz, my sweet, my angel, I love you, you are my everything

Ed’s uh... he’s fine. He’s fine.

“The Lazarus Pit” ...really? That’s what we’re calling it? I think divine amniotic sack is more appropriate but... whatever man. Call your creepy green goo whatever you want.

Babs and... Ra’s Al Ghul that’s... that’s a new one

Also, how did a quality actor like Alexander Siddig end up in a trash show like this?

#Gotham #Gotham spoilers #Why #just why #That's it that's the summary

[theblessedwitch]

Arkham Asylum Survival Tips.

This is from my decaying Quotev account. I wrote this so long ago now, but I thought it might be fun to put it up here.

Arkham Asylum survival tips. As you know there are do’s and do nots to incarceration at Arkham here are some for a slight chance of survival.

Do not think singing the Batman theme song is going to result in any thing other than a painful expierance.

Touch Dr Crane’s books at your own risk.

Asking Edward Nygma if he wants to talk about his ‘daddy issues’ isn’t smart he will kill you.

Telling Deathstroke that Deadpool would totally kick his ass is grounds for immediate medication for talking about fictional characters again.

Flirting with Joker is a new level of stupid but be prepared for a blonde crazed Brooklyn women to try and kill you.

If you should escape and get access to the rogue’s confiscated weapons unless you hundred percent know what your doing don’t touch them and even then it’s likely they will hunt you down and kill you for the inconvenience.

Asking Bane who his dealer is isn’t going to get you any venom.

Please stop asking Copperhead if she can teach you swear words in Spanish, we do have Spanish speaking inmates and doctors it’s not a secret way to insult people.

Yes, Dr Crane is not the strongest person here this isn’t a go ahead to try and dominate him if he doesn’t get you back straight away then I’d suggest sleeping with one eye open for the foreseeable future.

If Edward Nygma should take a disliking to you giving him some puzzle books on the side isn’t entirely a bad idea.

Threatening ivy with weed killer doesn’t scare her, her 'babies’ are quite capable of looking after their selves.

Trying to persuade Selina Kyle to curl up in your lap like a kitten is your own funeral.

Shouting 'CROWS’ around Jonathan Crane just to try and scare him is going to result in a frightening death.

Asking Victor Zsasz to cut your food up for you is inviting trouble.

Asking Waylon Jones where captain hook is, will most likely end up with you missing body parts.

Touch Osito and you risk being broken.

Singing twisted fire starter at firefly may seem funny to you but God help you if he starts one.

Asking Edward Nygma what’s green, purple and black and regularly gets his ass handed to him by Batman is seriously stupid.

Telling Edward Nygma that he can use his Cain on you anytime he wants doesn’t sound sexual he will take you literally.

Asking if Crane wants a new test subject doesn’t sound sexual either he’ll gladly take you up on the offer.

Playing music aloud is permitted as one of your recreational activities but please be mindful of what you play as the last time someone played Justin Bieber aloud a fire broke out, a bomb went off, Bane smashed through two walls and Jarvis tried to initiate a flash mob.

Telling Harley you want to joke and fool around with her is in affect volunteering your head for a game of croquette.

Telling Jonathan crane that he is the grim reaper is only going to give him an ego boost.

Singing I’ve got a brand new combine harvester around Pamela isn’t wise.

If your not afraid of bombs then by all means scream capitalism on the top of your voice around Anarchy.

If you should be unlucky enough to draw the attentions of Jarvis Tetch then it is best advised to inform a doctor or guard and not to tell him your the reincarnation of the red queen or the jabberwocky he’ll take this just as seriously.

Asking any of the female prisoners for nudes may be asking for your phone to explode.

Telling Harley Quinn that vampires aren’t as good as werewolves will put you into a no exit lifelong debate.

Trying to flirt with any of the doctors and asking them if they want to start a 'mad love’ will mean that your doctors may have to be switched to the same gender as you and if you still persist then we will be forced to only use video connection to speak with you.

Asking Batman to bite you so you can join his legion of the undead is going to result in a neck brace.

Shouting to the Batmobile might end up with you being chucked under it.

If there is a break out it is advised to stay in your cell for your own safety and not to try to form teams of your favourite rogues.

Don’t think it’s funny calling Penguin happy feet or Mary Poppins.

Neither is calling officer Boyles Scarface.

Starting sleeve fights with your straight jacket is not their intended purpose.

Cash’s hook is not a kitchen utensil.

Although movies are permitted in recreational time there are some rules to when certain films can be shown as different inmates are effected by different things.

Neither of the Silent hill movies are allowed when Dr. Crane is present. Silence of the lambs is not permitted when Waylon Jones is present. Stephen King’s It isn’t allowed around Joker.

The Saw franchise isn’t allowed around Edward Nygma, he doesn’t need encouragement.

Tim Burton’s Alice in wonderland isn’t allowed when Jarvis Tetch is around, this should be common sense.

Most violence filled movies aren’t permitted around Zsasz, you don’t really need anything to trigger him.

If you find that Dr. Crane is taking a frequent interest in your personal fears and phobias you should immediately tell a guard or doctor and not tell him stupid made up fears and phobias as if he finds out that your lying he’ll make it his personal mission to make you frightened of your own lies.

It’s best to humour Joker when he asks if you want to know how he got his scars?.

Bragging about animal abuse is not only grounds for time being taken away from your recreational time but you may incur abuse from some of the animal loving inmates.

Instigating wheelchair races is not the purpose of the wheelchairs and is strictly prohibited.

Telling Jarvis that the ghost of Arkham is watching him sleep will earn you solitary confinement.

Writing riddles on the walls and then trying to blame Edward isn’t clever, because he will pick so many holes in your argument and ridicule you so savagely that your likely to end up developing a self inferiority complex.

Trying to steal Osito to sleep with at night isn’t going to end well. For anyone.

Please refrain from stealing medication as we regret to inform you that we believe some of them may have been tampered with, if you begin to laugh uncontrollably, start to feel that Jarvis is making sense or ten foot cockroaches are stampeding through the halls please tell a doctor or guard.

Asking two face to flip a coin for every mundane decision you make is eventually going to end up with your life being determined by a fifty fifty probability.

Telling Jarvis that the Grudge is looking for him is again not acceptable.

There are some patients that suffer from insomnia and stress induced sleep deprivation, if said patients happen to fall asleep then leave them alone it isn’t your place to be as loud as you possibly can to try and wake them up, it’s not just really annoying but it could result in them taking it out on the first person to wake them up, so just make sure it’s not you.

We would appreciate it if everyone who frequents the gym to stop trying to get Bane and Waylon to lift increasingly heavy weights, it always ends in competitions turning into fights.

Male inmates who try to sneak into the female showers please keep in mind that the last time this happened his remains was recovered from the drainage system.

And in relation any female inmates who try to sneak into the male showers…are actually non existent, seriously no one wants to go in there. O_O

Please check your personal toiletries before using them, apparently Joker and Harley has an ongoing bet to see which one of them can dye the most people’s hair.

Trying to play whack a mole on the other patient with Harley’s hammer is strictly prohibited.

Please refrain from laughing at Riddler’s green hair, it is being resolved. :?

The rumours aren’t true there isn’t going to be a 'trick or treating crazies field trip’ please try to remember your here for your own rehabilitation.

Hair dryers are very welcome but trying to thaw out Mr. Freeze with them is not.

Please remember that giving medication forms into the doctors that have been signed by either Harleen Quinzel, Jonathan Crane or Hugo Strange are not valid they are patients their selves, there are reasons to why they can no longer practice.

Trying to show Jarvis Alice madness returns the game is strongly discouraged.

please do not touch Nightmare or Craw.

No, you can not have your straight jackets in sparkly pink.

Upon apprehension some patients may have their own personal work on their person, trying to plagiarise or copy their life’s work is going to end up you experiencing the product of their work firsthand.

Please use the doors and not make new exits.

Your sinking to a new level if you ask Mr. Freeze 'is your wife giving you the cold shoulder?’.

Deprive people of caffeine at your own risk.

Music Meister will not sing for you, why would you even want him to?

Killer moth isn’t going to follow laser pointers, he only dresses like a moth.

Touch Harley’s J necklace at your own cost.

The spinach in the canteen is not part kryptonite, and if your stupid enough to try and throw it at superman as a deterrent then on your head be it.

Detective J'onn johnz is not an alien.

No, Vicky vale doesn’t want an exclusive interview with you.

Jack Ryder might have published a paper on his triumph over Floyd Lawton but Deadshot says otherwise.

No you can’t phone Amanda Weller with your phone privileges and ask her to 'sign me up for the suicide squad!“.

Robin doesn’t have to sign in as a minor, stop insisting he does.

Bruce Wayne will not adopt you.

Music Meister will not serenade you, he might perforate your eardrums but he won’t serenade you.

Joker really doesn’t like cream pies in the face, who knew?

No you can’t use Zsasz as a living tally chart board when your playing pool, he might return the favour.

Deathstroke will not teach you some 'really cool Army shit!’ He could possibly demonstrate some 'really cool Army shit!’ On you but he won’t teach you.

The last person to sing Miley Cyrus’s wreaking ball actually ended up squashed by one, I have no idea how they pulled it off but they did, really creatively too.

Yes security levels at Wal-Mart are better, we all know.

Ichobod is not Jonathan’s real name.

Green arrow isn’t looking for maid Marian.

And no he’s not from the legend of Zelda either.

It’s quite easy to swipe Boles’s burbon. Just don’t tell him I told you.

Trying to lift Catwoman up like the lion king isn’t going to work.

Oswald isn’t pingu.

No you can’t redecorate your cell, it’s not meant to be homely.

Bribing the staff isn’t advised but we all know you could probably get away with it.

Batman isn’t into BDSM.

Ra’s al ghul isn’t going to die if you throw salt at him, you might though.

please be kind, I know it’s not the best written piece in the world. I’m resitting my English and maths and trying to improve by writing the subjects I like.

#jonathan crane #edward nygma #harley quinn #poison ivy #jervis tetch #two face #bane #killer moth #mr freeze #music meister #quotev #headcanon

[hysterialevi]

cobblebats fanfic pt. 19

From Bruce’s POV

I bolted back home as quickly as I could, afraid for Oz’s safety now that Zsasz was on the loose. I had no doubts that Oz could handle himself, but just the idea of leaving him alone turned me into a nervous wreck. At least with other criminals, I knew what they wanted. With Zsasz though, death was a mercy in his eyes. It was a gift. And judging by his history with Oz, there was no way he’d allow him to have that sort of escape. He wouldn’t kill him. So, the question was: what would he do?

I jogged into the manor and shoved the doors open, screeching to a halt when I was suddenly greeted by a gun barrel to the face.

“I SAID FUCK OFF--” Oz shouted before pausing mid-sentence when he realized it was me. “Oh, shit--sorry, Bruce,” he lowered his pistol. “I thought you were someone else.”

“Who did you think I was?” I asked, walking inside. Oz holstered his gun and paced alongside me, his wide eyes darting all over the manor as if he were looking for something.

“Dunno if you’ve heard, but Arkham Asylum just lost a shit load of its patients thanks to Vicki, and even though the GCPD brought some of ‘em back, there’s still plenty on the streets--including a nutter called Zsasz. He and I have some bad history together, and he’s already sent two men to retrieve me. It’s only a matter of time before he shows up here himself.”

“How does he even know you’re here? With me?”

Oz shrugged. “No clue. But he’s wasted no time in terrorizing Gotham. I think he’s already killed at least one person.”

I sighed. “Christ. You said he sent men after you. Where are they now?”

He seemed hesitant to tell me. “I...shot ‘em. Had no choice. But they did mention that Zsasz was waiting for me at City Hall. Apparently, he’s got hostages, and he’s gonna kill ‘em if I don’t show up.”

“Shit.”

Oz tilted his head in uncertainty. “What do you think we should do?”

I glanced over at the TV, listening to the reporters babble on about what was happening at Arkham and the whole incident involving Zsasz. My brain lit up with a plan.

“I have an idea.” I announced, Oz quirking an eyebrow.

“What d’you have in mind?”

“We can distract him with Penguin--give him the audience he wants, and maybe buy some time for the hostages. While you’re keeping him busy, I’ll be taking his men down in the background, and when the time is right, we can attack Zsasz from both sides.”

Oz grinned, patting me on the shoulder. “Look at you, being smart. That actually don’t sound like a terrible idea, and it ain’t like I’ve got any better plans.” He put his hands on his hips. 

“All right. Let’s do this. I’m ready when you are.”

Oz left to put on his Penguin disguise, but before he could walk away, I gently grabbed his hand. He turned around, giving me a puzzled look.

“Bruce?”

I tightened my hold. “Just...be careful. Okay?”

He smiled and pulled me closer, pecking a quick kiss on my lips. 

“Of course. Zsasz won’t know what hit him--not with us working together.”

CITY HALL

Exiting the Batmobile in unison, Oz and I approached the entrance to City Hall which had been barricaded by flashing police cars and officers, Gordon standing in the middle of it all. Rain was showering down on Gotham at the moment, and my footsteps pattered on the wet ground as tiny droplets coated the circular lenses on Oz’s mask.

Gordon brought his attention to us at the sound of the Batmobile’s engine as it drove away from the scene, the lieutenant hurrying up to me.

“Batman!” He exclaimed with slight relief. “You showed up just in time. Zsasz is--” the minute Oz came into view, Gordon’s words cut off and he instantly reached for his gun, preparing to shoot him. I stepped in between them, extending an arm in front of Gordon out of peace.

“Wait, he’s here to help.”

The lieutenant was still cautious. “Penguin!? Here to help? Don’t be ridiculous. I trust you, Batman, but in case you forgot, this dirtbag used to be Lady Arkham’s right-hand man. Not to mention everything else he’s done.”

“Penguin’s the one who Zsasz wants to see,” I reminded him. “Anyone else tries to get near him--they’re dead. And I doubt you want to lose more of your men--or even some innocents.”

“Well, of course not, but--” Gordon sputtered, “this is Penguin we’re talking about. You know, the man who murdered Hill?”

Oz crossed his arms. “Please, I did Gotham a favor. And don’t even pretend like you miss that old f--”

“--what he means,” I jumped in, “is we can argue about this later. Right now, Zsasz is our main concern, and Penguin’s our best chance at getting those hostages out alive. This discussion can wait.”

Gordon narrowed his eyes in skepticism. He relaxed a little. “...you’re right. You’re right. But try anything funny,” he pointed at Oz, “and you’ll be shipped off to Blackgate before you can blink.”

“Heh, I’d like to see you try.”

I nudged Oz in a warning manner and motioned for him to follow me, hastily dragging him away from the lieutenant before the situation could get more heated.

“Whatever happened to ‘being careful.” I asked in a flat tone, annoyed.

Oz straightened his suit, chuckling. “Sorry, love, but he just gets on my nerves. I couldn’t resist teasin’ him a bit. But I promise I won’t shove that stick up his arse any further.”

We reached the doors to City Hall, Zsasz’s chilling voice seeping through the wooden material as we got closer and closer.

“Well, here we are,” Oz prepared his gun. “You ready?”

“Ready.” I confirmed.

He took a deep breath, getting ready to step inside. “Then let’s show Zsasz what it means to fuck with us.”

#cobblebats #batman #telltale #bruce wayne #oswald cobblepot #fanfic #story

[mystrothedefender]

Trans- Joker

I’ve wanted to write a trans joker thing for a while and finally actually got to it. Part 2 is here! Part 3 is here! Part 4 is here!

Joker bit his lip hard, groaning in pain as cramps ripped through his stomach.

He could handle most kinds of pain, some he even he enjoyed, but this?

This was terrible.

He was experiencing his first period in over 10 years.

Tears played in his eyes as his hormones played havoc with him.

He clawed at his skin in an effort to distract himself.

Any other pain was better than this pain.

It ricocheted through his body, pulling at muscles and nerves he had forgotten existed.

He needed it to stop.

Had it always been like this?

On occasion, due to his hectic lifestyle and criminal standing, he was unable to get his hands on T.

One month and maybe he would have been fine, but it’d been almost 8 now.

He was beginning to think he should volunteer himself to Arkham again, at least then he’d get his injection and be rid of this horror.

It wasn’t as if he had many contacts otherwise, not that wouldn’t ask questions, it wasn’t as if he could waltz up to scarecrow and go ‘Can I have a gallon of testosterone’ and then not expect him to cotton on.

He was running out of options.

.

Arkham, as dreary as it was, felt like home to Joker, the majority of his memories were here.

Not all of them were good.

Though recently, since a flood of funding had come its way, the place had improved.

A lot of the old guards and doctors had been replaced with people who actually wanted to help.

It was a little sickening, he would admit, he didn’t like the way they treated him.

He was a grown man with mental illnesses not some child who was incapable of looking after himself.

They had become a little more honed with their use of drugs too. No longer was it just to shut them up, it was to help them. Many of the old inmates were actually beginning to make progress.

Riddler and Two-face were almost reformed, Wesker had been weaned off his dolls quite successfully, even Zsasz had improved to the point of being allowed a female doctor.

It just went to show how much it helped if you treated people, well, as if they were people.

Because of this new humanitarian side to Arkham Joker was treated as soon as he got in, there was none of that old ‘hurry up and wait’ shit they used to do. He was checked by the doctor as soon as arriving, checked over and fixed up, and given his first injection of testosterone in 8 months.

“Thank you doc, I feel better all ready,” Joker said with a happy groan as he did his belt back up, “You really are a life saver…”

“Yes, well, you know your symptoms won’t stop right away, it’ll take a while to gain affect,” the young man said, disposing of the needle.

Joker chuckled, “Oh sweetie, I’ve been taking this stuff for longer than you’ve known it existed, you don’t need to tell me.”

The doctor cleared his throat, opening a draw and taking out some pills. “Yes, well… Uh, take these painkillers, if you want to take a seat outside, someone will show you to your room.”

“Yes yes…” Joker said with a wave of his hand. “I know the drill.”

He left the room and sat in the waiting room, he felt so much better already. Just the knowledge that he’d had his shot helped so much.

If he concentrated he was pretty sure he could feel it flowing through his veins… It was great.

He’d stay here for a few days, just to ride out his period, get a good sleep, get some good food, take all the drugs he could find and then be on his way.

.

The rooms at Arkham asylum all looked the same.

A grey box of a room, smaller than a rabbit hutch, with a window if you were lucky. The beds were small, straps attached if you needed them or not, either far too hard or far too soft depending on if it were new or old. Next to the bed in each room was a small hollow table which, like the bed, was bolted to the floor. The better behaved an inmate were the more items they could get to decorate their tiny room, different people opted for different things.

Joker’s was and always had been empty.

He’d managed to sweet-talk a book and some food into the room for tonight, and he was happy for it. It’d be a nice night, reading and eating sweets, it’d been a long time since he’d indulged himself, he was looking forward to it. He never felt like taking care of himself when he was off T, so for the past almost-year he’d let himself go without nourishment, without bathing, without sleep.

He felt a lot better now.

There was talking outside his room. He frowned. So much for solitude. He let out a soft growl and threw his book at the door.

“Some people are trying to relax in here!” he screeched.

After a second his face fell, he stared down at the book he’d been reading that now lay on the floor. “Oh for-“ he climbed off the bed and slid across the floor, picking up the book and taking a moment to try and find his page again.

Suddenly he felt a pain in his head, he fell back on the floor, holding his head. “Ah shit!”

He looked up to see what had hit him. The door was open, that must be what it had been.

A smile came to his face as he realised who stood at the door. Shrouded in darkness.

“Batman! Ol’ buddy!” he sat up properly, still holding his hand to his head, it was starting to swell. “What brings you to my humble abode?”

Without missing a beat Batman swooped down to pull him up, holding him by the collar and slamming him against the wall.

“What are you planning Joker?”

Joker chuckled softly, gasping a little from the force of the attack. “I’m not planning anything. I’m recuperating.”

Batman growled, “I don’t believe you.” he tightened his grip on Joker’s Arkham jumpsuit, lifting him a little higher.

Joker let out a soft groan, “You have no idea how hot it is when you do that,” he grinned.

“Why are you here?!”

Batman was very close to him now, Joker could feel his breath on his, almost hear his heart beat. Or was that his own?

“I’m just getting my shots Batsy! No plan here I swear.” He reached up to grip the arm that held him.

Batman frowned, watching Joker for a moment to gage if he were lying, “What shots? What are you talking about.”

Joker’s smile fell a little, was he really going to have to spell it out..? “My shots, y’know?”

“Shots for what,” Batman said slowly, “Don’t play with me Joker.”

“Oh I’d love to, but I’m pretty sure you’re the one playing with me right now Bats. It’s been over 20 years are you really telling me you don’t know my, uh, medical needs?”

“I said don’t play with me!” Batman slammed him against the wall again, winding him a little, making him cough.

“I-If you’re trying to joke with me it’s not funny,” Joker said, stuttering and letting out a ragged cough. “You’re seriously looking at me and you can’t tell me what I’m here getting?”

Batman frowned at him, letting out another growl. “Joker, I don’t usually admit to being out of the loop, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Joker looked Batman up and down, beginning to laugh, tears came to his eyes again as his laughter consumed him. He squeaked as Batman slammed him against the wall yet again.

“Tell me!” he shouted, throwing the clown onto the floor.

“20- 20 years… you’re the worl-world’s greatest detective,” he guffawed and snorted, laughing too hard to move from where he’d fallen “My ass you are!”

Batman grit his teeth, crossing his arms and looking down at Joker, waiting for him to calm down.

“Joker,” he said sternly after a moment.

Joker grinned up at him, still chuckling, “Y-yes?”

“Tell me.”

Joker shrugged, sighing softly, grin still on his face, “Oh Batman… I fear it may insult your intelligence if I tell you. Why don’t you do some detective work and find out?”

“I’m not leaving until I get an answer. I will hurt you to get it.”

Joker let out a soft hum, “Oh I wish…” he huffed, “Ok, so I’m guessing the only reason you’re pressing me so much is because you have no leads. Which is good I guess, it means doctor patient confidentiality might actually mean something!”

“Stop stalling and tell me.”

Joker lifted himself up onto the bed, letting out a sigh, averting his eyes: it really wasn’t fair that he had to do this, he shouldn’t have to out himself in order to not get beat up.

But maybe this’d do something for their relationship.

“Batman, I thought you knew,” he dug his fingers into the bedsheets a little. “I’m transgender.”

Batman frowned at him, “What?”

“Trans-gen-der,” he spelled out, “Do you know what that means?”

“Of course I know what it means,” Batman said, his voice monotone. “I don’t believe you.”

“Well isn’t that nice of you to say,” Joker smirked, “But it’s true! I’ve been like this longer than I remember.”

Batman shook his head, “I still don’t believe you.”

What was he expecting? Some kind of proof? There was nothing he could show him or tell him.

“Do you want me to prove it to you?”

Batman pulled a face, the same face he pulled whenever Joker came on to him “No.”

Joker chuckled, “Oh Batsy, don’t give me that look. I’ve had all my surgeries, I can’t exactly flash you my bits.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed you were…”

This was absolutely delicious, Joker’d never seen Batman look so uncomfortable. “Bats, you of all people should know a little something about stealth. The whole point is that people don’t guess. You though? I would have thought you’d known for years.”

“How would I have known?”

Joker shrugged, feeling himself relax a little, “Well I don’t know, you’ve seen my medical records, you and me share a bond that-“

Batman rolled his eyes, “Don’t start with that again. We don’t share any kind of bond.”

Joker chuckled, “Oh come off it Bats. Keep being snappy like that and I’ll start thinking you’re on your period too.” Joker smiled as he saw the bat still and become ridged.

God he was so uncomfortable, it was amazing.

“You’re…?”

Joker bit his lip, “Oh it’s awful, worst feeling imaginable. I bet you’re glad you don’t have to deal with it… I sure wish I didn’t.” he chuckled softly. “So have you gotten your answer?”

Batman was barely moving, he didn’t even seem to be breathing. Joker’d planned on making him uncomfortable but he hadn’t expected this kind of reaction.

It’d be delightful if it wasn’t so unsettling.

“Stop it Bats,” Joker snapped, “You’re giving me the creeps.” He tutted, “I’ve had some bad reactions in the past but I wouldn’t have expected it from you, the type you run around with I’d have thought you were totally into it. You run around looking like a giant bat, there’s not much of a jump,” he chuckled at his own joke, expecting some kind of reaction from Batman, being disappointed at not getting one.

He huffed, gritting his teeth, “Batman either talk to me or get out, don’t make me call security, you’re starting to piss me off.”

Batman seemed to soften a little, relaxing in his stance, “…I got my answer.”

With that he turned and left.

.

Since Batman’s visit Joker had been feeling incredibly sorry for himself. He’d been crying a lot, a strange pit in his stomach. He wasn’t his usual cheery self at all.

He didn’t know what he’d expected. A hug and a kiss from his dear Bat? As if.

He’d never outed himself to anyone and gotten a good reaction. Not even Harley. ‘Good thing I’m bi’ had been her reaction.

How insulting.

And people wondered why he hated her now.

He hadn’t said anything though, he had totally blanked him. Like he wasn’t worth the time.

It was humiliating, to expose yourself like that and then be totally ignored. It made him so mad…

He needed to step his game up. Focus all his energy into getting one over on that stupid fucking bat.

He lay in bed fuming, plotting in his head, reading his book but not focussing on anything it contained.

He was so mad.

He was pulled at least partially from his thoughts by a knock on the door. It opened slowly and one of the care staff walked in.

“Joker?” she said softly.

“Yes?” Joker said, almost snapped.

She stalled and stuttered a little, “Uhh… You’ve had a delivery.”

Joker frowned, Arkham inmates weren’t allowed ‘deliveries’, gifts and the like, inmates like Joker weren’t at least. “I’ve had a what?”

“A delivery? Uh, from the Batman.”

Joker frowned, “Oh really? Cyanide pills perhaps?”

The woman shook her head, “Oh, no,” she held out a small basket, wrapped in translucent purple plastic was a small selection of chocolates and sweets. “…They’ve been checked, they won’t harm you.”

Joker stared down at them and tutted, “Well thank you for your concern,” he snatched the gift basket from her and turned back to his bed.

He turned his head back to the woman, “What are you waiting for? You can’t have any, they’re mine, go on, get.”

He shook his head and sat on the bed as he heard the door close, unwrapping the gift basket and breaking open a bar of chocolate. Dark with butterscotch pieces.

“Well I’ll be,” he chuckled softly and took a bit, humming happily at the taste. Anger melting from him as he ate.

Maybe it hadn’t gone as badly as he’d thought.

#batman #joker #batjokes #batjoke #lego batman #lego joker #lol well #writing

[pinkiepiebones]

I and this Mystery here we stand.

Equal opposites

Shadow and Light

Born and Born Again

Both of us, we two, the core of us

We needed no Divine intervention.

We Make Ourselves

whole.

Saviors

Cast as Villains

Cast out of Paradise

Cast out to Lurk and Watch and Seek and Salvage

Lives in Our hands

One hand squeezes, one hand pulls.

This, I cannot fathom.

This Mystery and Me.

Not Two sides of a Coin, but a Coin itself, you see.

...

Doctor Craven studies the paper. The hanging bits, the remnants of the page being pulled from a spiral of metal, had been meticulously removed. There are no errant tears or crumples, just the straight crease right down the middle of the paper, bisecting the pale blue lines. Upon the lines sat smooth, flowing cursive, written in safe, non-lethal marker pen.

Renowned serial killer Victor Zsasz sits in a stiff metal chair at a small desk bolted to the floor, his legs chained to a metal hoop jutting out of the floor, his right hand strapped to his side. His left hand, mishapen with vertical and diagonal scars, is free. His long thin scarred fingers twirl the marker pen. His face is a mask of scars and an uneven, predatory smile. His eyes are impossibly dark.

”A, mm, a bit of an homage to Whitman,” the patient purrs. “I’ve always liked Leaves of Grass, you know, his sentence structure and generous use of the ellipse...” Victor taps the marker pen on the desk, tap tap tap, to produce his own ellipses.

”I told you to write about your killing.”

”But I didn’t want to,” Victor sighs, petulance staining his voice. “I wanted to write a love poem- Lord help me, Doctor Isley must have snuck a little, ah, friend into my cell.”

”Mister Zsasz-“

”Now, I’m not saying I love anyone,” Victor continues, thoroughly finished engaging this weak opponent, “but I feel such a turbulent je ne sais quoi for him, you know, Doctor?” He moves the marker pen in his hand, conducting an orchestra only he can hear.

“What is it the Greeks would call this, hmm? This non-romantic sort of love that makes you want to, oh, I don’t know, feel every drop of blood leave their body and run over your skin? It’s hell to clean off, but nothing quite compa-“

”MISTER ZSASZ.”

Doctor Craven crunches the paper and throws the ball over gis shoulder. He slaps another clean piece down on the desk.

”Your killings. The most recent ones. Now.”

Victor groans and stares through the doctor.

”You’d best work on your bedside manner, Doctor.” He uncaps the marker pen without assistance. “I always have places for the recent hires who need salvation.”

tbc??

#victor zsasz #zsasz #mister zsasz #zsasz loves batman and loves being a talkative shit

[currentfandomkick]

Bio! Dad Strange Part 10, Mr. J finds Robin

Realized it might be easier to add titles so people know whats going on in these

Marinette was glad she had red hoodie, er, Jay back. He helped her escape her overprotective rouges, and aas the only one she could rant to about JL members without worrying about secret identities.

They may also be plotting to get their Hero Stalker out of the batfam—apparently Dick was a dick to Jason and chances of him changing with Tim were slim.

Speaking of, he didnt pick up lastnight and there havent been Robin sightings lately. Though, she is a but distracted trying to manage Jay’s murder rampages. Zsasz was helping with those and the Sirens pointed him to targets that deserved it, mostly traffickers and cartels.

The Council said that at this rate, he’d be her bodyguard or a new member. She didnt know what that meant for him besides staying beside her, when she worked as ‘Harley’s Niece’ (thank you puzzles for that) but otherwise she was kept away as Pixie Pop (too easy to id her) and Jill was just her father’s daughter taking to his patients and keeping certain Rogues from plotting mass murder (Uncle Jerome, Penguin, Riddler) or terrorist attacks (mostly Scarecrow but sometimes Ivy, Dent and Mr. Freeze)

But it bugged her, Robin being missing. She mentioned it to Rose, who said her flowers hadn’t seen him at all. As Tim or Robin.

She sent out a rouge and RKC search city-wide. Jay helps, as Red Hood (helmet was better but no, hood. Even though he isnt wearing one and is still in the awful outfit they met in).

Red Hood has managed to get a following on the streets and made a no kids rule for everything. All kids found were given to Uncle Oswald or his ‘son’ Marteen (late twenties) for recovery phsycially. Mentall Harley had her own picks for help on therapy, social and psychological sides.

The RKC was thriving since that system was installed.

But Robin was missing two days in. Mr. J was still back and too quiet and damnit!

Marinette skipped her treatments. Gotham is loud and she knows it but she has to do something. Jay is in his gear and she puts on her knock-Harley outfit and stocks up on knives, stungun, bolas and rubber bullet guns on her hips or legs.

She doesnt think about the fact that the red and black makes it look like her and Red Hood are trying to match with the the different red and black he’s wearing. Her makeup covers her face again—done up like a mime with a few contour tricks now.

She sneaks out and patrols on the rooftop, one of Robin’s usual routes. Maybe they just need to talk in person.

Then she catches something that sounds like her Hero Stalker when he was frustrated and tired and oh god that was screaming in there.

She moved. hit Rose’s tracker flower hard enough to leave a distress trail as she ran.

Jay ran after her, following her twists and turns.

She wished she skipped her treatments sooner. Could fly off to help but she hadnt and she cursed herself for this.

At 10 she found Mr. J torturing her friend in a warehouse.

“Stalker,” she whispered. Becuase that’s who he was first, the hero stalker that loved Batman and Robin (Robin-Jay, a small voice corrected her) for helping his city and were kind and caring and nice when his home was cold.

Robin and Mr. J didn’t hear. She knew that words were being said but she couldnt process them. Shock, Harley talked about that a lot after last summer.

A camera was recording. The sick fuck, he wanted to show this to someone.

She grabbed her bolas and threw them at Mr. J’s head.

He went down, hard. Jay handled him, but Marinette only cared about getting her friend off that table.

There was an oversized ray gun lointed at them while she fiddled witht he restraints, picking the locks.

She heard the whirling in it and kicked it in another direction.

It threw lightning. What the hell. What the hell—where was Batman. Why wasnt he keeping her friend safe. Why did he fail to keep Jay safe. Why—why does he get to put kids in danger?

Marinette felt sick. She got an exhausted Tim out and carried him.

She felt Harley run a hand through her hair as she refused to let her friend go.

She didnt know when the others got there, but they were.

Never alone, never go in alone. Always call the family and they will show. Never fight alone—the Council drilled this into her for years. Why was Hero Stalker-Robin alone? Did Batman forget how dangerous Gotham can be?

Zsasz was there with Jay, something Jay being “too nice” about needing to kill him painfully and permanently this time—“properly put him down this time.”

Her mind was a mess. She went to her Father on autopilot, carrying Tim over the rooftops. He clung to her. She’s ten and he’s twelve clinging to her as support. Where’s his team, his backup. Where’s Batman or Batgirl or Nightwing or the newb—Spoiler?

Why was Tim clinging to her and her team when his should be there. When his fights hers. Why were his enemies there and Batman—no, Bruce, his dad. Why wasn’t his Dad there for him. Why?

Father’s assisant helped fix Tim, their ability is to augment healing after Father puts them back together. Any attempt to move his mask was met by her breaking their wrist.

He had enough to worry about. No identity reveals on top of this nightmare, not on her watch.

She didn’t leave him that night. Refused to sleep too.

When he came to the next day, Jay was with a despondent Marinette.

“Going Kronos route,” Jay. Jay was tlaking about that monster. “He said I didnt have to see that.” Jayw as looking at her weird.

Marinette nodded, hoping it was the last time for real Jerimah would die. She lost track of how many times he’d been killed.

“Dad, he’s gotta be worried...” Tim, why the hell aren’t you thinking for yourself? Marinette wants to shake him, to keep him there and never let Bruce see him again.

Jay is debating it too, she can feel it. “I don’t know, he replaced me pretty quick.”

She wants to hit her brother. Becuase she knows he’s hurting but Jay can you chill for a but—he knew Hero Stalker befor ehe became Robin. He kenw what Tim’s life was like before Bruce. And Tim has been through enough, especially for now, hasn’t he?

“I, Ja—” so his first name started with a J. He was Jason Todd Wayne. Red Hoodie was Jason Todd Wayne and Robin and now James Smith. A lot of o’s until now, she noted (distract to aviod processing an overwhelming situation.)

“Its Red Hood. That kid died.”

“Hoodie...” she wanted to hug him or hit him or something. She doesn’t know. It hurts and doesnt at once.

Jay put an hand on her shoulder.

She knew he meant it. That Robin was killed by negilence from what he’d told her and she could peice together. The batfam picked Dick who left over him—a new Robin with no idea what was going on and how to Wayne and was being bullied by the rich kids and teachers in the ways that Jason couldn’t fight against. And when he finally lashed out—started being abit more violent—they put distance and then he went to find someone that might want him, his birth mother. That person sold him out to Mr. J. He died trying to protect his birth mom who wanted him dead.

She wanted cry but her eyes weren’t working. Still in shock then.

“I’m taking you back home if you want, but you have to stop being Robin like this. You can still do detective stuff but you need backup when you patrol or do a bust ir anything. You’re thirteen, not twenty.”

Tim didn’t make eyecontact. “I, he needs me.”

Marinette wanted to throttle Bruce. Badly.

“I get that.”

Harley only got better when Ivy stepped in. Jerome only recovers as long as Marinette keeps talking to him, the Sirens are slowly adopting him so she has more free time. Zsasz does what she says, and when she said no more taking hits unless they broke an RKC rule—attacking kids, abuse (any kind), murder that isn’t justifiable (see Dent for clarification), and active enablers of systematic abuse (dirty cops and their ‘albi’ partner, the false alibi givers too—Rose and Ivy’s plants were happy to testify the truth of anyone’s lcoation at any time).

Hell, if it wasnt for Frost and Ghoul and Puzzles, she doubted their fathers would even be considering backing off of crime. As it stands, Riddler is now running a youtube let’s play and working on game design as her and puzzles constant request. The other two were slowly moving off of crime and more into science again.

Her father would still be.. she didnt want to know how he’d escalate. But there were rumors of an alter around... she’d handle that tomorrow. Today was making sure Tim understood boundaries.

“But that doesnt mean you die for him. Do you hear me?”

Tim wasn’t looking at her then, looking at Jay instead.

“How are you even...”

“I dont talk about it.”

Tim nodded, slowly turning back to Marinette. “I, uh...”

Jay shook his head. “He wont get it pixie.”

“I,” Marinette sighed. Everything in her hurt and she didn’t know why. She wasnt injured. “He can try. Just, please Jay?”

Jay ruffled her hair. “Talk to him then you’re getting some z’s got it?”

Marinette nodded, feeling Jay leave. Probably to talk to Father about this. Maybe the Council.

“T—Robin.” He turned to her then. “Please, don’t die. If its life or death situation, please dont be the one to die. Don’t pull an idiot move and martyr yourself fighting a war. Focus on the causes, find the root issue and kick its butt. If anyone can, its you.”

Tim blinked slowly at her.

Marinette sighed. “Get some rest. Everyone knows if the touch your mask Jay’s got free reign.”

She went home and let Harley gove her Ivy’s knockout tea.

“Hun, how...”

“He doesn’t even realize how screwed up it is. I, he can’t becuase he came from such shit parents and...”

Harley raised an eyebrow at her word choice, and decided certain people would get a talk. Lter, when her neice didnt look like she couls blow up at any minute.

Marinette wanted to scream and kick and fight but thst won’t help her friend.

“...how bad.”

“His birth parents left him alone enough for him to stalk vilgantes and rogues and get pics. They didnt even notice.”

Harley took a deep breath. “I’m giving him a burner. If he’s in deep, he can message us. I can talk to him but we both know that not how Waynes work.”

Marinette rubbed her temples. She suspected Harley knew but... “Do they know?”

“Only me, Selina and Jerome for now. Ivy suspects. Want it to stay our secret?”

Marinette nodded.

Harley patted her head. “Get some sleep. You have a Bat to chew out tonight.”

—

Marinette walked Tim to Batman, escorted by Jerome and Harley.

Jerome was pissed, she noted.

“Batsy, care to explain why my neice and us were the ones to find your bird?”

Batman didn’t look good. His skin was tired. Hopefully from searching for his son, right?

Batman was silent.

Tim ran into his arms, crying.

Marinette could feel Jerome ready to punch Batman. She held him back.

“Give him a minute, please.”

Jerome narrowed his eyes, but nodded.

Batman idly noted the interaction. Apparently this girl... clown-mime? She had sway over Joker and Harley. And found his son.

He didnt know how to thank them, or what to do with that.

“Er, Mr. Batman?” The girl sounded different then. More than a tonal shift.

“I, you need to fix your team. This is the second time this happened to one of your sons.”

Batman tensed at that.

“It was Mr. J again. I, one of my uncles and my brother are handling him. This is the third summer he’s tried killing a kid.”

That had both looking at her. “He,” Marinette was smaller then, almost... scared.

Batman seemed to catch what she was trying to say.

“He kidnapped my girl here with hatter, killed Hatter infront kf her, and held her for a week while deciding how to kill her until she escaped and called us.”

Batman stared at Marinette then, something clicking enough to make him pale.

“He targets kids. The, the RKC are claiming jurisdiction on him and claiming his body to prevent future revivals,” Marinette got out, shaking slightly. She hated thinking about that week. It took day with the green crystals and week after to recover phsyically.

Batman didnt say anything, waiting for her to talk. Not the adults—he put together she’s incharge.

It was unnerving.

Tim was looking ar her too. They both knew she knew a lot. He wanted to see what she’d do with that knowledge.

She hated to dissapoint him, but Oswald and Marteen and Fish told her to make sure negotations go her way by any means necessary.

“I, Robin is either to be supervised or partnered during all patrols, put on a team somewhere else where he gets that support or be removed from fieldwork and he needs a new alias for his safety.”

Robin, not Tim, stiffened. “You’re not the boss of me!”

“If these conditions aren’t met, then i...”

Harley stepped forward then. “Then me or Jokes will blab about who’s under the mask. If its bad enough, then my mini-me will let out four other leaguer’s identities and their sidekicks. She’s pretty smart, even panicked when she found out i knew how much she knew.”

Marinette was paler under the makeup. She knew

This was the best plan for sucess but it made her feel sick.

Batman put Tim behind him.

“How does she—”

Marinette winced at the tone.

Batman froze at her reaction. He didnt like it when kids were scared of him.

She was shaking when she spoke. “Paterns and friends with their obsessions and me with mine and a few photoshop jokes and it just...” she trailed off, curling in in herself and eyes on the ground.

Bad move but she, she cant look at people right now. Maybe Jay but not the man who pushed her brother into a palce where he was vulenerable, not one who failed to get two of his sons away from Mr. J.

“You, you should have a meeting or something on secret identities becuase i have to keep a lot of them now. Becuase, becuase you guys are bad at them and blocking JL news did nothing to stop figuring out Arrow with his archery style and Superman’s only works with general disbelief and acting and Wonderwoman should vary how she carries herself or something and uh, yeah, Flash was more a senses thing and uh, i just...”

She was fiddling. With her ropes. When did she start doing that?

“I’ll talk to the league.” Batman was watching her carefully. Too carefully.

“Just, just think things through, okay? Tag team patrols if he stays and new costume—i made him by knowing him before... maybe a different role on the team? I, i don’t know just...”

Marientte squeezed the rope. Oh, those were tears starting up. “please keep him safe.”

She didnt see their reactions. She heard Jay coming over, in his helmet.

“Pixie, time to go.” It was Jay that lifted her up. She was lighter then? Did her worry screw with her treatment processing again? She didnt know. Or maybe she was just light to him?

She let him take her the long way, to the RKC.

She cried with Rose’s plants growing over her and Jay into him. Rose kept Ghoul from going to kill someone by getting him to help her make crepes for Marinette.

It was an absymal attempt. But it got her to laugh.

Frost gave her an ice sculpture and told them he’d be taking her to his summer classes in Central for a few.

—

The JL have a meeting. No one likes what Batman tells them.

“You’re telling us Harley Quinn—who took you down on her own twice—she has a neice that knows not only your team’s identities, but mine, Supes, Wonder Woman and Flash’s?” Arrow summized.

Batman sighed. “Yes.”

The League was silent for a moment.

Flash was the one to break it. “You wouldnt happen to have any pictures of Harley in casual clothing would you?”

Everyone turned to him, various looks of confusion, rage and disgust.

Batman put a picture of Harley with the Sirens up, one where she forgot her make-up during a ‘shopping spree’ in the Sirens early days.

“Yeah, i think she’s this girl, Jill i think, her aunt. The kid was wicked smart when i met her at the Flash muesum last year, and knew more than she should about acfive police cases. I think she’s our mystery girl, Pixie.”

“That’s what Red Hood was calling her before taking her away.”

The league burst into chaos then.

“We need to find her”

“Get the security feeds from the Flash muesum last summer.”

“Theyre deleted already.”

“Databases for american girls named variations of Jill born between XXXX and XXXX”

“Wait, alias, maybe?”

“Damnit!”

—

The Flash was patroling his city when she spotted her. Pixie. At central city university.

“Hey there kiddo.”

The girl jumped a bit, turning to see him. Earplugs. sensory issues?

“Uh, hello?” Th girl looked around, like she was expecting someone else. “Are you looking for someone?”

“Kind of. Maybe you can help?”

That got the girl’s attention, sitting up straighter and her eyes sharper. Definately the girl Batman said she was. He put his league comm on, hoping the others would hear.

“There’s this case I’m working on, but the lead scientist is stuck on. I heard from a certain reporter you’re pretty good at forensic science, think you can help with a bit of bio?”

Marinette blinked a few times, but nodded. “Kind of. Im not allowed in labs yet so i mostly just look at data and figure out what patterns fit it best. My father doesnt want me to get too involved with biology or medicine since mom has a science ban.”

Red flag. Restrictive learning is a red flag. Possible abusive or toxic home. Procede with caution.

“Well that’s good. Give me one sec, the lead on this isnt getting it done.”

flash came back in less than a second, holding a file. “Can you look this over and tell me what happened?”

“The kid was moved through multiple locations while injured. He, he couldnt fight back since there’s no defensive wounds, but restraint bruising, looks like metal since its uniform... i, mr. flash, they have a lot of injuries, but some are old and defensive so in bad fighting situations a lot too.”

Marinette handed him back the file.

“Thank you. The forensic guy is taking forever.”

That had the girl, Jill? Looking at him again, this time curious. He hoped the league turned on his camera to see her reactions. Get her into their database.

“Who is it?”

“Barry Allen.”

Marinette couldnt help it, Barry (not flash, Barry who is hiding being a meta and still speaking out) is her personal hero. Him and Harley, but still. “He’s really cool!”

Okay, she can’t hide her fangirl side.

Flash raised an eyebrow. “Not really. Always late, sloppy attire, testimonies are eh.”

Marinette was mad then—why cant Flash let his alter be amazing!

“He’s late becuase he’s known to stay up late working on other cases when he isnt paid to and doesnt have to. And appearances and organizational skills arent what matters—his expertise is and he’s one of best with getting everyone what they need in time for case-building. So what if his reports are hard to read sometimes? He explains it in personso everyone gets what happened, which is very important and a lot of people are super bad at. And—and he advocates for meta rights and for their ability and circumstances taken into consideration during sentencing—none of the others even try to remind people of that and that a lot of metas dont chose their powers and it gets overwhelming and scary and then one instictive reaction later and people get hurt when you didnt want to react at all.”

Flash felt something kick him in the chest then. The girl is meta. Ear plugs. Possibly hurt somone by accident.

“If its okay, can i ask what your ability is?”

Marinette froze. “I. If anyone finds out, I lose Maman and Papa and Father and everyone.”

Flash froze at that. “What do you mean you lose everyone.”

“I, I’m visiting family for the summer. I live in France.” She didnt want to say more than that for location. “Being meta there is bad. Automatic life sentence with no trial bad.”

Flash sat down, putting an arm around her. This, this was not what he was expecting.

“My powers get worse in the summer. If I slip here, most of my family can handle it. Nothing bad happens. If i slip at home with Maman and Papa, i... if anyone knew then i’d be taken away whether they wanted it or not.”

“Where would you end up?” He had to know how bad it was.

“Living zombie in correction centers. Then jail-jail when you’re 18 until you die... no trial. Being meta is a crime there. And, and mr. Allen doesnt think that way at all. He keep saying you need to contextualize power and abilities and intents and if you defend yourself and you’re meta you go jail...”

Flash stayed silent, letting her continue.

“Maman screamed a lot when i hit this stalker in france. He was following me and other kids from school with a bat, saying he’d teach us all lessons. We got away but he kept trying to get us. I snapped one time and he was mostly fine, nothing permanent but Maman was so angry at me for almost getting caught becuase it was on tape and i was a little kid and little kids run, they dont fight.

“My powers didnt show though—Father made a treatment to keep them from that. No one suspects stickers... but she’s still scared its enough for a rep to come and check me for meta abilities and that she’ll lose me again.

“Again?”

Marinette twisted at that. “I, uh, probably would be dead if Father didnt find a treatment for me as a baby. Its how i got my abilities, but if theyre ever neutralized completely, i’d be dead. So we have to curb them... Maman forgets i need them and almost threw out my supply once. She forgets that i’m not normal until things like a student stalker happen and i hit the guy with his bat and then she remembers and gets scared i’ll be taken and its just...”

Flash decided he was adopting her, somehow. Smart and powered and in need of help.

There would be an intervention in France soon.

“Sounds like a lot of pressure, especially for someone your age.”

Marinette didnt make eye contact. “I have to. If i dont then there’s a dot in the open and thats a possible pattern and someone might connect it to the ones i couldnt stop. And Father and me are good at connecting dots and finding possibilities.”

Flash wanted to scream at the League then, he ahd a feeling they only added to her stress.

“He, he says we’re hardwired to find patterns and possibilities. But i shouldnt catch as many as i do. My teachers keep saying i need to slow down and dial it back and stop catching on so fast and blurting things out but i just...”

Marinette was fiddling with her hair then, it was down enough to.

“Sounds like you’re a real smart kid.”

“Smart kids don’t get caught.” She needed to be smarter, untraceable.

Flash thought she meant the Justice League wasn’t smart. And if the girl was reluctant to let him bring them in just yet...

“Do you at least have someone you can talk to about this?”

“My Auntie Quinn and Rose. Rose doesnt like you though.”

“Oh? Who made her mad at us? Was is Arrow?” He already knew but he wanted to know why.

“Batman. He, uh gave her to someone who, and i quote, ‘should never be allowed to have a sentiment child that is not a plant’ when she was found by him. She’s younger than me but she looks older, and isnt allowed outside of her house.”

Flash heard a low thump from his comm. oh, Batman knew who it was alright.

“I, uh, do you need help with another case?”

Flash smiled at her. She needed a distraction from what she just said.

“Back in a flash!” Once he was back in starr labs he turned on his audio. “Who was it?”

“Poison Ivy’s daughter. Cadmus, not Ivy, created her apparently.”

Flash swore as he grabbed a differnt file. Potential speedster case he hadn’t gotten around to.

“Here ya go kiddo,” Flash grinned at her.

Marinette nodded her head and looked over the file.

“Something doesn’t add up... there!” She pointed at one of the photographs. “See?”

Flash leaned in to get a better look.

“It looks like the speedster marks but that would only work if the speedster was messing with spacetime continum! But there’s no evidence of that so Occam’s razor, its a lightning meta!”

Flash looked over the picture and it did add up. Especially the lack of certain streaking patterns.

“They were probably teleporting since theres no drag or streaks, just one epicenter,” Marinette continued.

Flash decided that the League would be visiting Paris, and he’d be personally fixing the meta policies. And that the girl, Jill, she’d be in the League. She lectured Batman and Robin on safety and seemed to be focused on helping them in their weaker spots as heroes... mainly identity maintenance. And she likes science and is good at it—perfect to add a science-centric member to the League as she grows up.

—

That’s the end of this summer. Next time we do marinette meeting Tikki and becoming Ladybug. That should take a few posts until we get back to gotham.

Let me know if you want a JL handling looking for Marinette as Princess (the kiddie kyptonian) and Jill (who Flash found and is presumed to be Harley’s neice). Im happy to if there’s interest.

Reminder, there will be many a miraculous swap and the Ladybug parts will diverge from cannon as 1) i changed a lot of characters, 2) charater dynamics are altered too and 3) i’m changing when students came in and how Adiren ended up in school.

Also, see my kwami posts for how the kwami are in this AU as they are not the same as cannon and it will be a bit obvious.

@dast218 @ilovefluffbutsmutisalsogreat @weird-pale-blonde-person @emeraldpuffguide @mystery-5-5

#maribat #maribat au #ml au #my au #bio!dad strange #bio! dad au #bio!dad au #marinette strange dupain cheng #marientte strange dupain cheng part 10 #tim survives mr j #marinette is under too much pressure #and blackmailing the justice league #marinette needs a hug #all the hugs really

[portugalisinsa]

Telling my Friend, Who Still Hasn't Watched Gotham, All About S03E13 (and Why I Haven't Told Her Anything Else)

Me: So let's start with something neither of us gives a shit about: Catwoman.

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Me: Selina is quite reasonably angry about her mother abandoning her when she was five or something. I posit that if she was this annoying when she was five then I kinda see where her mother comes from, but understanding is not condoning and all that.

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Me: And you think, okay, so this boring dribble about her being angry about her mother abandoning her is going to be her plot for the season, I see, I hate it but it's not like I was really paying attention when she happened anyway. However, you'd be wrong, because two scenes later Bruce says "being an orphan sucks" and she discovers that her mother had a box full of things that reminded her of Selina, so she's instantly forgiven.

Friend: ...Then what was the point of this?

Me: I have no idea. My theory is that somebody told the writers "no, there's always drama when people find their estranged parents, so we must have this" and the writers were like "ugh, FINE, here's your stupid DRAMA".

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Me: Alfred has a crush on Selina's mother. There's nothing much to say other that it's embarrassing for everyone involved, most of all the audience.

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Me: Done with that, let's go on with the next completely useless drama: Lee. I'm pretty sure she didn't see her husband running towards her with a knife for reasons too unlikely to explain, so she's pretty angry at Gordon for killing him. Which is understandable, I'm not saying it isn't, but does it warrant her causing a scene in front of the entire GCPD in which she calls out Gordon? Wouldn't a call have sufficed?

Friend: Imagine being part of the crowd and seeing that, though, it must have been amazing.

Me: Oh yeah, I assume someone was passing the pop-corn.

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Me: So you think, oh, this must be her plot for the season, right? Well you would be wrong.

Friend: Jesus christ, does it get solved the next scene too?

Me: No, the next scene has her and Falcone posing while discussing how they both hate Gordon and he must die.

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Me: By the way, I never told you about Zsasz, I think, so very quickly: he's awesome. He's a hitman, but I swear to god I can't understand who the fuck he's working for. He was very loyal to Falcone the first season, but then he was taking orders from Penguin, then from Ed, then from Falcone again. I assume he's freelance, but in my heart he works in a waffle house. He also usually works with a crowd of leather-clad women who are apparently called 'the Zsaszettes'. As I said- fucking awesome.

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Me: Lee then talks to Barnes, you know, I Am The Lawwwwwww, to ask him about the virus. I have no idea why she doesn't ask Mad Hatter, the guy who actually infected him, but whatever.

Friend: Maybe because he's a fucking hypnotist.

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Me: Barnes is all "no, I totally like killing and I want to do it forever" and Lee is like "that instantly makes me change my mind" and sends her to Falcone to beg him to spare Gordon. Falcone thinks nostalgically of times gone by, when people angered the mafia and their bodies ended up in a barrel of acid with no 'ifs' or 'buts': then he remembers he's the kind of idiot who had a woman who wanted to kill him and get his criminal empire tortured rather than killed, and brainwashed the right hand of the aforementioned woman because, I don't know, there's no person who knows how to keep a club who also hasn't tried to betray him, I guess, and spares Gordon.

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Me: So thus concludes another one-season-plot in one single episode. In my mind, an image of the writers mumbling "there, you have your fucking former-lover drama now, you happy now? Are you being entertained?! ARE YOU, YOU LITTLE SHITS?!" appears.

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Me: On to Nygmobblepot. Edward has disappeared, leaving a guy who looks a lot like Draco Malfoy behind. Penguin, no longer the most Slytherin guy in the room, pouts.

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Me: Then this woman appears and she's all "come on my show, so you will be revealed as a horrible person in front of the whole US and be ruined forever."

Friend: ...I see at least two problems there.

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Me: Okay, so, long story, I never told you about Penguin's father, but basically he was this nice guy who met Penguin when he was reformed, and he was the best, and he was married with a wicked woman and her two children, another wicked woman and a guy who I honestly kind of loved, he was too dumb to be malicious in his dickery and I think he actually wanted to pounce Penguin. Like, in a sexy way.

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Me: -he made her eat her children, then chopped off her head and mounted it somewhere in the mansion where I think it still is

Friend: God I love Penguin

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Me: His father appears and he's like "beware the birthday boy", and I was like 'the birthday boy better not be Edward, because 'Edward' has way fewer syllables than 'birthday boy''. Then it turns out the birthday boy was Draco Malfoy, and I was like "oh, okay, he just had no idea what was his name, got you".

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Me: The woman now goes "be ready, mr Cobblepot, the world is watching". Somehow, that is not supposed to be a joke.

Friend: Why the fuck would the world care about an interview to the mayor of some city? Do they translate it for other countries? Are you telling me that, in Gotham's world, Japan is watching the interview to the mayor of Modena?

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Me: We then discover this was all a plan by Edward to... something something ruin Penguin in front of the people.

Friend: ........I still see at least one glaring flaw in this plan.

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Me: My main problem with this is, I'm pretty sure that's what counts as an April Fools in Edward's world. Like, tell me stealing the corpse of Penguin's father and then hiring a shapeshifter to be the father's ghost and make Penguin slowly lose his mind and kill a random person isn't Edward's version of sticking a 'kick me' sign on his back.

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Me: So that was a couple of episodes ago. Now you might be wondering, what happened after that? The answer is, I only have a vague idea, because I don't really care to find out.

Friend: Oh? Why?

Me: Well, Gordon's and Harvey's plot was that there's a group of people who want to bring Jerome back to life, so I'm now debating whether I care enough about Nygmobblepot to suffer through Jerome. The answer is, I don't. God, I so don't.

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Me: I just, look, ignoring the fact that I don't like him as a character- I saw some gifs of Jerome in the following episodes, alright, and apparently it was him trying to make Bruce kill someone, and for fuck's sake, if I have to live through another fucking villain that wants to destroy the hero's ideology I will punch a fucking puppy.

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Me: The truth is that Christopher Nolan ruined us. He made his Batman movies, and now villains are too fucking fancy to just want to kill people with a big laser. What is wrong with wanting to take over the world? What's wrong with wanting to kill the hero with a rock? Big rocks are good. There's no shame in being practical.