callme-chaos

[callme-chaos]

1: The Very Beginning (Agenda: Imperium - A DSMP ff)

/Black Water – Of Monsters and Men/

TommyInnit: (whining) Puffy! It's fine!

*Tommy shoves Puffy off of him lightly. She was attempting to fix up his hair that just refused to be tamed. Puffy sighs and stands away. They both look at him in the mirror. He’s wearing his Sunday best and Puffy has been wearing a small smile on her face non-stop.*

Tommy: What's going on Puffy?

CaptainPuffy: I told you - it's a big day.

*She had indeed told Tommy that but that was all that she had said.*

Puffy: It's been a while since you've been all dressed up.

*Tommy rummages through the drawers, not quite listening to Puffy as he searches for something important.*

Puffy: The last time must have been your parents' funeral.

Tommy: Speaking of, do you know where I put their diary?

*Tommy tries not to show the panic in his eyes or voice as he can’t find his most prized possession. No matter what was happening today - nothing was more important than that diary.*

Puffy: You mean the one about the glorified rock?

Tommy: (indignantly) Excuse you! The Imperium Egg is so much more than just a glorified rock!

Puffy: (still smiling) The Imperium Egg is a merchant's tale and nothing more.

Tommy: (rolling his eyes) Is that what you're calling them nowadays? 'Merchants'?

Puffy: What would you rather I called them?

Tommy: I'd rather you called them what they are.

Puffy: Which is?

Tommy: (finally cracking a smile, eyes glinting) Pirates.

*Though she still smiles, Puffy's tone grows a little more serious.*

Puffy: Promise me you won't get tied up with any bad people, Tommy.

*Tommy is in the process of looking under his bed at this point, just in case it had fallen from under his pillow during the night.*

Tommy: When would I have an opportunity to get mixed up with bad people?

Puffy: (sheepishly) Well...

*Tommy looks at Puffy as she pulls something out from behind her back. It’s his parent's diary. Tommy sighs in relief and takes it from her hands. That's when something fallsl out of it and lands at Tommy's feet. He looks down and picks it up - it seems like a handmade "ticket" aboard the Speedy Clementine - a large ship that carried goods from Tommy's home all around the world.*

Tommy: (practically speechless) What's this?

Puffy: I had to pull a few strings behind the scenes but Captain Chaos seemed mostly fine with it. (suddenly suspicious of herself) Surprisingly so actually... She always has been an odd human though.

*Tommy's mind is reeling. He finally has the opportunity to explore the entire world on a real actual ship!*

Tommy: But... why?

Puffy: I want you to prove it. I want you to prove that the Imperium Egg is real.

Tom: Which it is!

*Tommy looks down at the ticket in awe. It has Puffy's handwriting on it.*

Tommy: Are you coming too?

Puffy: No. I'm going to stay here. This is something you need to go out and find for yourself, I think.

*Tommy is quiet for a little while.*

Tommy: (quietly) What if I can't find it?

Puffy: So what if you can't? Have fun, live your life, find yourself. More things can come from boarding a ship than just finding treasure, Tommy.

*Tommy smiles and hugs Puffy tightly. She has been like a sister to him for many years since his parents' death. He was very glad to have known her.*

Puffy: (pulling away first) Well, you best get off. I imagine they'll be leaving soon.

Tommy: (face dropping) What?

Puffy: What? You think you were getting all dressed up for nothing?

Tommy: But-

Puffy: (lightly shoving him away) Go. Now. And feel free to visit if you ever want to.

*Tommy tucks his parents' diary into his pocket and rushes towards the door.*

Puffy: Wait!

*Tommy turns around and Puffy comes up to him, tidying up his shirt collar for him.*

Puffy: Be kind, Tommy.

Tommy: (indignantly) I always am.

Puffy: Good. Now go.

*And Tommy leaves: through the door, down the bank, across the dock and onto the Speedy Clementine.*

/Everybody Loves Me – One Republic/

*Tommy plonks himself down on a crate and watches the hustle and bustle of sailors busy themselves with different parts of the ship. It’s intimidating how synchronised all their movements were - like they were all cells in the same body, moving and thinking and breathing as one. It’s almost beautiful to behold.*

???: Impressive, isn’t it?

*Tommy looks up to see a woman in a cap and an eye patch. Captain Chaos - Captain of the Speedy Clementine. He stands and bows, almost hitting his head on a barrel. The captain pats his back.*

Chaos: Tommy, correct?"

*Unable to form words quite yet in his state of star-stuckness, Tommy nods.*

Chaos: Yes. Puffy has told me all about you. However, it is odd that a boy such as yourself would request to board a ship for the sole purpose of discovering the best tasting tea in all the land.

Tommy: (eyebrows bunched together) Pardon?

Chaos: Captain Puffy told me you were here for tea. (whispering) I'd keep that to yourself though, lad. There are some sailors here that would think that's a little... odd.

*Tommy resists letting out a groan. It made sense that the Captain would want a reason for Tommy's desire to board a boat and that Puffy would not simply spill that Tommy believed in a magical artefacts existence - but tea?*

*This was definitely Puffy having the last laugh…*

Chaos: But any friend of Clem is a friend of mine. And Puffy was definitely one of our favourites - given that she manned this ship for ages. And her family paid for the paint job on our old girl. She was proper beat up when we first came to LAND. Did you know..."

*The captain continues to yap while Tommy's thoughts and gaze wander back to the ocean. A black lump on the horizon is getting closer at an alarming rate. Tommy looks around but none of the rest of the crew seem to notice. Forgetting he is supposed to be listening to the captain, Tommy stands and clings to the side of the ship, leaning slightly over the water to get a closer look.*

*It’s another ship. The sun falls directly into Tommy's eyes so he can’t see what kind of ship it was or what flags it boasts. Perhaps it was just another cargo ship?* 

*But when the boat was close enough that Tommy could see its entire silhouette cut out by the sun instead of seeing a mostly formless blob, he notices that several toothpick-sized shadows extending from its body.*

Tommy: /Not toothpicks. Cannons./

*A bell rings and the crew are whipped into a sudden frenzy. Their previous synchronized movements descend into chaos as everyone yells at each other and shoves others around. Many seemed to be diving below the deck to hide. Tommy finds the Captain barking orders at her men to steer the ship around, to head back to LAND.*

Tommy: What is that ship?

Chaos: (wicked glint in her eye) Pirates.

*Tommy's heart skips a few beats. Pirates? He hadn't expected to come across them so soon.*

*The Captain makes her way over to a barrel of swords and selects a few to put into her belt.*

Chaos:  Yes. The Poggers to be exact if the showy canons are anything to go by. Any minute now, I'm sure we'll see-

*The Captain doesn’t finish her sentence before dazzling fireworks shoot into the air from the pirate ship. The colours were of reds and yellows and oranges and it was like they had set the sky on fire. The display had more of the crew submitting to their panic and fear. Tommy even saw some of the sailors dive into the sea.*

Tommy: But we can just flee, right? We don't have to stay and fight. I'm sure they don't call her the 'Speedy Clementine' for nothing - we can escape.

*The captain lights a cigar and puffs out a frustrated ring of smoke* 

Chaos: The Speedy Clementine is a heavy, chunky cargo ship with an exceptionally large crew weighing her down. The Poggers have a stream-line battleship in the hands of a few elite, blood-thirsty killers with an infinitely stronger will to live than this old lady - or else they would all have been caught by the Navy long before now.

*The captain takes a few more drags before chucking the cigar into the sea.*

Chaos: We called her the Speedy Clementine out of irony. Now, laddie, you have two options: you can either hide somewhere in my cabin and wait this thing out or you yourself can grab a sword and defend the cause. I will pass no judgement over whichever one you choose, tea boy, but you best get a move on.

Chaos: She's coming. And she's coming quickly.

*While Tommy deliberates for a moment on what to do, the first wave of cannonballs hit.*

*Tommy drops to his stomach. The Captain just laughs crazily. Tommy crawls over to grab a sword but then another wave hits and the barrel of swords goes flying away from him. He spots where one of them landed and swiftly crawls in that direction.*

*But then he is stopped as a black boot comes in contact with the blade, keeping it out of Tommy's hands. Tommy looks up to see a brown-haired boy not much older than him looking down at him. The boy looks surprised and confused to see Tommy there.*

*But there's no time to dwell on it. Tommy hears the clattering of swords just across the deck and sees the captain of the Speedy Clementine crossing blades with a very tall man with a large hat and a curly brown fringe sticking out from under it. Tommy bites his lip: it looks like the captain was losing the battle. Tommy moved to grab the sword again but the boy that still stood above him shook his head, his eyes very wide.*

*There's a large crash as Captain Chaos goes down. Her head is bleeding a little but she looks pretty much alive. The man kicked her sword away and stood above her. He looked oddly defeated.*

Man: Well, that was anti-climactic.

*The boy above Tommy swiftly kicked the sword Tommy was reaching for away from them. It slid off the side of the boat, through a hole made by one of the cannonballs and into the sea.*

Boy: I'm sorry to hear that, Captain.

*Tommy couldn't help but think the boy looked a little sheepish.*

Man: I thought killing the Spanish Aquisition would be more difficult. But half of them jumped into the sea themselves.

Boy: It was quite funny watching them jump into the water.

*Tommy's eyebrows scrunched in confusion.*

Tommy: What do you mean? This isn't the Spanish Aquisition.

*The man looked down at Tommy, noticing him for the first time. He looks almost as confused as Tommy. He then walked to the side of the ship and looked down. Then he turns back to face the boy.*

Man: Tubbo, what do you think it says on the side of this boat?

Tubbo: I told you before, Captain: I'm dyslexic!

*The man pursed his lips and looked back at the Captain of the Clementine.*

Man: (hesitating a second) Sorry. It appears we have attacked the wrong ship. (looking at Tubbo, gritting his teeth) /Again./

Tubbo: I did say you should get Eret to read the boat names in future, Wilbur.

Wilbur: You know I don't trust him! Not after...

*Wilbur sighs and him and Tubbo have a conversation that Tommy can't hear. Tommy looks over at the Captain of the Clementine whose eye is widened to try and grab his attention so it seems. Tommy quietly crawls beside her. She doesn't seem wounded much and will live to see another day.*

Chaos: I want you to follow them, Tommy.

Tommy: What?

Chaos: I want you to board with the Poggers. The Clementine won't be sailing for a while now and you still need a ride. There's no way they'll let us run away with this now. Go with them. Do what you must. And find something that makes it all worth it.

*She said the last part with a wink and Tommy wondered if she knew more than she let on.*

Tommy: You're mad.

Chaos: They don't call me Captain Chaos for nothing, boy.

*With a finalising nod, Chaos pushes Tommy away from her and towards where Tubbo and Wilbur are starting to leave for their own ship.*

/Paper Planes – MIA/

*Tommy grabs a sword and makes a mad dash for it. Before the Poggers can haul back the planks they had used to board the Clementine, Tommy runs across them. He can see the shocked face of the crew that hadn't been on the attack on the other ship and jumps aboard the ship before the strange new captain and his side-kick have even gotten back aboard their own ship. Tommy, despite being incredibly unsure of himself on the inside, brandishes his sword and waves it around a bit in front of the Poggers, yelling indiscernibly. Everyone looks a little scared...*

*Until the man who had taken on Captain Chaos starts laughing.*

Wilbur: And what do you think you're doing? Come to avenge your captain?

Tommy: Why would I-?

*He was going to say “why would he need to avenge someone who was still alive?" but then a large explosion sounds and the entirety of the Speedy Clementine goes up in flames. Tommy could even feel the heat of it on his back.*

Tommy: What the Hell? What was that for?

Wilbur: (shrugging) I couldn't let them sail away unharmed lest they tell the Navy our whereabouts. Now, what do you think you're doing on our ship?

*Tommy gulps but pushes down any doubt. Here, he had to be the most confident man in the world. Captain Chaos must have known what she was doing.*

Tommy: I need your help.

*Suddenly, the whole crew starts laughing.*

Tommy: What? What's so funny?

Wilbur: Why would you bother asking for help from a bunch of pirates?

Tommy: Because... Because you have a ship. And I need a ship.

Wilbur: Have you lost your mind, little boy?

*Tommy searches his brain for something he could use as a bargaining chip. That's when he realises: the Imperium Egg was not just a glorified rock.*

Tommy: I'm looking for an item - treasure - an object so precious and valuable that if you own it, you basically own the entire ocean.

*The crew stops sniggering. The man looks intrigued.*

Wilbur: Oh yeah? And what item would that be?

Tommy: The Imperium Egg.

*The crew begin their raucous chorus of laughter again. All except the man that seems to be in charge.*

Wilbur: Shut up, you lot. (turning to the brown-haired kid beside him) Tubbo, do you think you could take this kid in a fight?

Tubbo: (looking Tommy up and down) Yeah, probably.

Wilbur: Good. (to Tommy) What's your name, kid?

Tommy: Tommy.

Wilbur: Alright, Tommy. If you can win in a friendly duel against Tubbo, we will hear what you have to say. If not, we throw you to the sharks.

*The kid, Tubbo, draws his own sword and immediately launches an attack on Tommy. Suddenly very afraid, Tommy just about manages to block the blow with his own sword. He had never even touched a sword before - never mind being thrown into a duel with a pirate!*

*But Tommy did seem to have a couple of advantages. For one, he was much taller than Tubbo. For two, he seemed stronger as well. Easily parrying all of Tubbo's attacks.*

*Tubbo keeps up with the exact same attack that evidently wasn't doing him any favours and Tommy's confidence grew. Until, finally, Tommy launches his own attack that had Tubbo's sword flying from his hand.*

*The whole ship was silent.*

Tommy: ...Did I win?

*Tubbo looks shocked and then drops his head in shame. The man from before looks disappointed more than anything.*

Wilbur: Alright, Tommy. Let's talk.

*The man turns away and heads into his cabin. Tommy wasn't sure whether or not to follow until he paused and turned back to face Tommy.*

Wilbur: The name's Captain Wilbur Soot, by the way. You can just call me Wilbur though.

#unfinished #unedited #agenda #dreamsmp #book 1 #draft #the fanfiction that could have been :') #callahan #jack manifold #captain puffy #chaos #sapnap #badboyhalo #bbh #dream #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #fundy #quackity #schlatt #jschlatt #eret #tubbo #wilbur #wilbur soot #tommy #tommyinnit #ranboo #technoblade #niki nihachu

[callme-chaos]

L’Manberg Lullaby

Rock-a-bye baby

Up on the roof

They’ll pull out a gun

While acting aloof

Burn marks will scar you

Making you cry

You’ll never forget

Though you’ll really try

Rock-a-bye darling

Sweet maiden fair

Fires will rise

And burn off your hair

You’ll find a secret

You cannot tell

Despite your best efforts

L’Manberg still fell

Rock-a-bye precious

Let your tears fall

You’ll wear his death

Round your neck like a shawl

Blood on your hands

It makes you feel sick

Your grief -  it’ll cut you

Right to the wick

Rock-a-bye baby

Your story won’t die

L’Manberg forever

#l'manburg #l'manberg #festival #dream smp #tubbo #tommyinnit #niki #nihachu #philza #philza minecraft #lullaby #tnt #your story won't die

[callme-chaos]

The Prince Has Been Waiting (1/38)

Hello! Welcome to a new series I am devising called the Determination Series. Each "chapter" is inspired by a DSMP character and a piece of music from the Undertale soundtrack. Why am I combining these two elements? Because I can, that's why.

An explanation of my thought processes will come at the end of each story for those of you who are interested.

This series is neither a series of canon tales nor a series of headcanons. They are merely ~vibes~. And this is the first. So I hope you stay for the ride: things have barely begun. ;)

Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

c!Ranboo + ‘Waterfall’

There’s a place that exists where the sky is perpetually night: galaxies glitter like silver sequins and blink like diamonds in torch-lit caves. Waves of pinks and purples hug the silhouettes of mountains like dawn goddesses lying across the horizon using fluffy grey clouds as pillows. Daylight is on the brink of breaking but the sun is to shy to raise its golden head.

               In this place lies a palace with jagged turrets that puncture the heavens and gothic spires tipped with stars that shine like well-polished daggers. The window sills drip with dewdrops that glisten in the starlight; they look like the rain has frozen in place. Every brick is like coal: cold, damp, rough and as black as the night. The ornate front doors are decorated with silver flowers with vines that weave their way between the hinges and cracks in the wood. They open for you, beckoning for you to step inside.

               There are no footsteps in this palace; everything is silent and still. Grand stairways have been left to decay, resplendent ballrooms left to collect dust, tapestries depicting epic battles and an imposing royal family left to rot. All that’s left of the awe-inspiring tales is the image of a young prince: half-human, half other-worldly. You wonder if anyone is still home.

               You climb an in-tact stairwell; it’s narrow and steep making you assume you’re entering a spire. The higher you climb, the colder it gets: a chill brushes your spine like something’s breathing down your neck. The breeze perhaps. Or perhaps a ghost. The outside world feels lightyears away, like the palace rests in a bubble of its own time and space. It’s a prison who’s beauty and opulence outlived its prisoners.

               Bar one.

               Translucent curtains flutter, pushing themselves aside so you can behold the severe yet bewitching face that lays on the cushions. His slumbering body breathes lightly: the only sign that he’s alive. His freezing hands hold bunches of lavender across his chest. His expression is one of brooding rest. He dreams thoughts you can’t fathom; about worlds and creatures long extinct.

               But hush.

               Come inside.

               The prince has been waiting.

This was the idea that sparked this whole series for me. I sat down to listen to this song (as I so often do with a lot of this beautiful, beautiful soundtrack) and allowed my mind to wander. This piece gives me very “regal but lonely” vibes: an empty palace, dark and cold and abandoned by its people yet if you can see past its isolation you can envision a place where grandeur and opulence thrived. It was a breath-taking place once but not so much anymore.

That’s when the next thought entered my brain: Ranboo. What if he was an End prince, long ago abandoned by all of his people? Left to grow up in and eventually slumber in this dark, forgotten palace? For me, the way many artists draw Ranboo’s character is also very regal and yet, once again, lonely (owing to the last/only of his kind kinda vibe perhaps?) so the two thoughts kinda just merged.

Hence this. I hope you enjoyed!

(Part 1 of the Determination Series.)

#ranboo #waterfall #determination #dream smp #undertale #undertale soundtrack #prince #palace #night #i promise the intro won't usually be this long #:)

[callme-chaos]

Tommy SMP (DSMP)

H-hello? How did you get in here? Tommy doesn’t usually let randoms in. Uhhhhh lemme just consult the list real quick. What’s your name?

Huh. Doesn’t sound familiar. Buuuuuuut there you are. On the list. What’s your purpose here then, pal?

A tour? Well, the person who usually does the tours is out in the moment… But I guess I could show you around. If you would like to follow me – yeah just ignore the holes and stuff. They’re just remnants of a couple of wars we’ve had.

What kind of wars? Bro, where have you been?

Not from around here? Evidently. Well, first there was the Disk Wars. You see, Dream had these cool disks but Tommy really wanted them, you know? And this is /Tommy SMP/ and not /Dream SMP/ after all so there was all that. Then there was this Quackity kid who tried to start a nation and Tommy didn’t really like the look of that. And so Tommy and this Ranboo guy decided to blow it all up – I don’t remember the details. You see, I’ve been away… uhhhh… travelling so I don’t really see too much of what goes on here. That and I seem to be forgetting a lot of things… I really should fix that-

Huh? You’re confused. Buddy – I haven’t even told you about the Egg yet!

Yeah! An Egg! I can show you it right now actually. Just follow me.

The vines? Yeah! They’re a nice shade of blue but they’re a real pain to cut down, you know? They just seem to grow back stronger. Now, just pop down this hole here – yeah just straight down.

Oh! Ah. I really should have warned you about the fall damage, huh? I’m sure we can pop into George’s bakery later and fix you up. Providing George is in his bakery… He stopped baking a while back.

Why? I don’t actually know. I’m not really too involved in the politics around here (travelling and all that) buuuuut I heard a rumour that him, Ranboo, Charlie Slimecicle and Technoblade have started like a secret club. Not sure exactly what they do but if Ranboo is involved it can’t be good. Anyways! Here’s the Egg. Don’t step too close though – I’ve heard it has some serious manipulative powers. Niki’s best friend Foolish got transformed by it the other day. She was quite upset. I think she runs a cult in the Egg’s honour with Ponk or something now. She’s nice but pretty scary when she wants to be, I’ll tell you that much.

The Egg is giving you weird vibes? Yeah. You and me both. The blue is giving me shivers actually. Shall we continue our tour elsewhere?

Next? Hmmmmm. I know! I’ll take you to Hannah’s castle and museum. They’re a great tourist spot! Follow me.

Yes we have a museum! History has been made here on the SMP, I’ll have you know. This SMP was founded by the Tommy Team made up of the hot-headed, dashingly attractive Fundy; the greatly popular, widely enjoyed Bad Boy Halo; and, of course, the 1000IQ man himself, TommyInnit. Though, Tommy… hasn’t been about much… lately… not since… you know…

Well, if you don’t know I hardly have the time to explain now! (I’ll maybe show you later if we have time…) Anyways! Here we are: Hannah’s museum. This miserable little dark room here is a recreation of L’Manberg’s Final Control Room. Back in the first L’Manberg verses Greater Tommy SMP war, L’Manberg’s founding fathers (Schlatt, Sapnap, President Quackity and Vice President Dream) were all betrayed by a member of their own battalion: Hannah-Rose. They were dark times, kid.

You want to know more about President Quackity and his right hand man Dream? Well, they were incredibly close – practically brothers. They both went through a lot together. Until Quackity finally blew up L’Manberg and was subsequently killed by his own father, Charlie Slimecicle.

I didn’t say they were dark times for nothing, you know? Dream took it harder than anyone. And Tommy took the opportunity to traumatise and manipulate the fella further. Tommy even managed to convince Dream’s best friend, Schlatt, that he was the root of all problems on the SMP.

We couldn’t believe it either. Dream did have one friend, Ranboo, for a while. But they ultimately disagreed on their ideas of justice and went their separate ways.

Sad times, indeed, kid. Anyways, where to next… Oh! Hello, Eret! How are you doing?

Ah. He’s busy. Off being cracked at bed wars I suspect.

What’s the big black building over there?

Uhhhhhhhh… Have you seen HBomb’s hotel? It’s great this time of year! Just this way, matey. Technically it belongs Dream but HBomb briefly took it over. There was some kind of dispute between the two guys – nobody here really takes HBomb that seriously. (Personally, I blame the ancient skin he still wears. Kid really needs an update, you know?)

That? Oh, I suppose you can still see some of the remnants. That used to be Punz’s UFO. Someone blew it up but I’m not entirely sure who…

How do I know it was blown up? Look, I’m just taking Quackity’s word for it.

He did die but then he was recently brought back to life. He spends most of his time with Dream outside Las Nevadas.

Las Nevadas is basically the Tommy SMP version of Las Vegas. It’s pretty cool actually – wanna check it out?

Cool! We’re actually heading in the right direction for that anyways. So, where are you from?

Yeah, I gathered you weren’t from around here but where are you actually from?

…Not gonna tell me? Fine. So be it. You sure are a mystery, huh?

I’m not flirting! I just- I… Ah! Look at that! We’re already here! It’s pretty dramatic, right?

You should see it at night. Everything lights up and it is magnificent.

It belongs to Wilbur. He’s the head honcho around here. He’s here alongside Puffy and Phil. Oh! Speak of the devil, if you squint a little bit you can see Phil down there now, bouncing around. He’s a cutie really – though his puns do get tiresome.

What do you mean “you don’t get tired of puns”?

…Are you human?

…What a terrifying answer. Okay! Moving on!

I’m aware that it’s one of the ugliest structures in existence – but you can’t blame Wilbur and Las Nevadas for /that/ abomination. That’s what Quackity and Dream installed last time they were here together.

I know it’s phallic but you don’t have to say that out loud! Come on, man, have a little class.

That up there? That’s Schlatt and Techno’s “cookie castle” as I like to call it. When Dream was exiled, Schlatt met Techno and they started getting really close. They’re everybody’s favourite couple now. I think it’s a friendship that will last a long time, you know? They seem to have a lot in common.

Like what? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh They’re both American?

Look, if you know, you know.

Alright! Next – shall we have a change of scenery? Las Nevadas can get quite… heated, so perhaps we can give the snowy biome a visit, yeah? Now, when we get there it’s important to tread carefully: the forest is enchanted, practically everything there will eat you and, worst of all… Ranboo lives out there.

Ranboo? He’s a terrifying force of nature. I heard he slayed an entire army all by himself, owns a pet polar bear and he helped Tommy take down the entirety of L’Manberg. Ranboo and Tommy – they’re one formidable duo.

No no! There’s no need to be afraid! Apparently Ranboo’s arsonist days are over and he has his carer Charlie Slimecicle watching over him so he’s been relatively quiet recently. I like to think their neighbour Technoblade has been a good influence on them both.

Technoblade is a gentle soul. Poor kid just wants to make everyone happy, you know? I wish everyone was more like Technoblade sometimes – the world would be such a different place…

Nah, nobody can really sleep soundly – not when Antfrost and Purpled are still out there. The Eggpire and Las Nevadas never really rest when it comes to their members. Oh! But by far the worst person to come across – the real reason I haven’t slept in weeks on this server – is… Oh. Oh dear. I think I’ve summoned him. Walk this way – quickly! – and don’t make eye contact…

NO JACK I HAVE NO DESIRE TO WITNESS THE JACK MANIFOLD “GRIND” NOW PLEASE TAKE YOUR FILTH AND YOUR CAT-MAID OUTFIT AND GO BOTHER SAPNAP OR SKEPPY INSTEAD!

…Alright, no need to look at Jack like that.

Jack Manifold in a cat-maid- no. Don’t make me lock you up in Pandora’s Vault along with- uhhhhhh.

Forget I said that. Speaking of Skeppy, he built Schlatt and Techno a beautiful mansion around here somewhere-!

He also built an extraordinary diamond sculpture a while ago-

Please no.

…I guess you leave me no choice then, huh? I guess, I can show you the prison – but we have to be really, really careful, okay?

Who’s inside? Well…

I didn’t forget! It just… Tommy. Tommy is in the prison right now.

Well, of course I didn’t want to tell you! It doesn’t really look good on the server when the person its named after is locked up for life for doing unspeakable things.

No! I’m not gonna tell you what unspeakable things he did – it wouldn’t make them unspeakable then, would it?

…I don’t believe anyone else is in there, no. Why?

Ranboo? Nahhhhhh! Ha ha! What do you know, you silly goose! Well, before we go into the prison, we’ll have to get Puffy’s permission. She’s really strict about who she lets in and out of the prison and takes her role as prison warden very, very seriously. No one has ever died or been injured or brought back to life or wrongly imprisoned while the prison has been in her care.

What do you mean – “not convincing”? If you don’t trust my word, then that’s a /you/ problem.

…The prison is this way. Now, when we get in let me do all the talking… You know what? Perhaps you should stay outside. I’ll go in, talk to Puffy and try to get permission to go in – but I make no promises, understand?

…Alright, wait here.

…

…

…

Puffy said no.

No, it was a pretty definitive no actually. Wh-where are you going?

You can’t! Puffy hasn’t given you permission!

There’s nobody in there /to/ save. Tommy deserves to be in there-

There is nobody else in the prison!

You’re insane.

No, I won’t let you.

…

…I don’t think so, matey. Feel that sharp object between your shoulder blades?

I figured you did. That’s my sword. I am not afraid to push it through your chest if it means keeping you out of that prison. Understood? Now, step away from the prison.

Thank you.

…I think that concludes our tour. Perhaps it’s best you- oh! Karl is here! Karl Jacobs! Over here!

Yeah. He doesn’t talk ever but he’s still a great guy, you know?

Oi. Wave back. It would be rude not to wave back.

My name? Oh my goodness! I totally forgot to introduce myself! (Though, you never really asked until now anyways…)

It’s okay! I know I talk a lot – it can be difficult to get me to shut up sometimes – ha ha!

My name is Callahan.

#tommy smp #dream smp #tommyinnit #dream #callahan #tour #dumb #this was dumb #but still a lot fun #my name is callahan

[callme-chaos]

Not Your Princess - A DSMP ff

Niki caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection of a ballroom window. The chandelier lights made her typically very pale skin look golden and her pastel purple dress glittered like a galaxy. The material looked beautiful (she’d have to thank Eret later) but it didn’t half scratch her skin. And the tightly pinned bun in her hair was already giving her a headache. The bodice of the dress restricted her movement quite a lot – which was not ideal if she needed a quick get-away but at least the poofy skirt hid what it needed to.

Niki knew she looked like a princess but it was difficult to relish the moment when she didn’t /feel/ like a princess. People listened to princesses, people noticed princesses. Niki might have effectively not existed at all beyond slaving away in the bakery. She wondered if some people thought fairies made the bread at night and left it all on the bakery counters for people to collect in the morning.

But Niki was no fairy. She worked hard and for little thanks. But tonight that would change. Tonight she’d take the first brave steps towards making a better life for herself and all that she loved.

“Niki?” another taller, handsome figure appeared in the window’s reflection. Niki whipped around, “Will?” Niki tried to steady her breathing; now was her chance.

Wilbur Soot smiled softly. “I’m glad you could make it,” his eyes shone in the low ballroom lighting. He looked very princely in his L’Manberg revolutionary get-up. “I’m glad I could run into you,” Niki started speaking. Her words were falling out of her mouth at 100mph with sudden nerves. “I need to talk to you.”

“Of course we can talk. But can I have this dance first?” he held out his hand for Niki to take.

The music slowed to a ballad. /Perhaps I can have a private conversation with him on the dancefloor,/ Niki thought. She curtseyed and smiled politely. “I’d love to.”

She took Wilbur’s hand and he led her over to the centre of the floor. People were already swirling together to the music and watching them made Niki feel a little dizzy. So she kept her eyes trained on Wilbur as he placed a hand at her waist. He was still smiling softly.

“You look beautiful,” he said as he spun them both around the floor. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so dressed up before.”

“I wanted people to notice me,” Niki replied.

“Well, you certainly have my attention.”

Niki’s feet were starting to feel sore (she knew these shoes had been a bad idea) but she felt a sense of relief when Will said that. Now was her opportunity. “Will, can I ask you something?”

Wilbur’s eyebrows dipped in concern, “Is something wrong?”

Niki took a deep breath. “Yes, actually. Me, my friends, our land – we’re all dirt poor. We all slaved away for the Manberg government and we have yet to see any major changes even with your rebellion against Schlatt. We want a voice, Will.”

Wilbur looked stumped. “And what do you want me to do about it?”

“I want a rank amongst your revolutionaries.”

Wilbur’s face changed from shock to confusion to amusement in the span of a few seconds before he chuckled. “No.”

Niki felt like he had punched her in the gut. “Why not?”

“Niki, you are sweet and kind and pure-of-heart and all that good stuff. You clearly care about people – arguably too much. That’s why I can’t let you join us. I won’t be responsible for twisting that up.”

It was like a slap in the face. So many things were wrong with that sentiment.

“Kindness isn’t weakness, Will,” Niki said. Her voice was barely above a whisper but her tone contained enough venom to poison an army.

The ballad was sounding its finishing flourishes and Wilbur let go of Niki’s waist, bowing deeply. “Navy blue isn’t your colour anyways. Stick to pastel purple,” he said and left, leaving a stunned Niki alone on the dancefloor.

Her heart felt like it was being squeezed by an invisible, taloned hand. She felt tears prick the backs of her eyes but she refused to let them slide down her cheeks under the light of the chandelier. The sights, sounds and smells of the ballroom hit her all at once and the opulence made her want to throw up. She needed to find an exit. Quickly.

She ran as fast as the stuffy dress and pinching shoes allowed her, pushing through a pair of gilded-gold doors and onto a deserted courtyard. She sat on a bench, grabbing the shoes off her feet and lobbing them at the ballroom windows. Still, nobody on the inside batted an eyelid.

Niki ripped her hair from its bun so it fell limp around her shoulders. Once again, she had been brushed aside like dust on a far-away shelf. She pressed a hand to her mouth to muffle a sob as the tears finally trailed down the sides of her face.

What did she do now?

Something heavy and woody creaked in the wind above her and she looked up. A canopy of dark green leaves blotted out the stars and sky. Niki stood: it was the L’Mantree.

Which gave Niki an idea: “If they won’t listen to me, they’ll just have to watch instead.”

Niki tore off the stupid purple dress revealing her own revolutionary suit beneath, as well as a sword strapped to her leg. Tossing the dress to the ground and unsheathing the sword, Niki hurled her bodyweight at the tree. She swung her arms wildly at the trunk as she hacked away at the bark. She pictured Wilbur’s pained expression as she took a piece of his history down with her and grinned manically through the tears.

After a while, Niki stopped. She turned back to the ballroom windows expecting to see panicked faces but she was being upstaged by a refill at the punch table. With a frustrated yell, Niki threw her sword at the ground.

When she looked back at the L’Mantree, Niki saw that her brute strength had barely made a dent on the trunk. Gritting her teeth, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a lighter.

Niki’s glassy gaze flitted from the lighter to the tree. There would be nothing left of it once she was through. Was she really going to do this?

She looked back at the waltzing mob of people on the ballroom floor. Wilbur had said she was kind, that she cared too much. He wasn’t wrong; she would do anything for the people she loved. And that meant no more tyrants.

Picking up the purple dress, she hung it across the tree like a flag. Niki placed a final kiss on the trunk and tossed her lighter at the dress’ skirt.

“Sorry L’Manberg, but I’m not your princess.”

Whatever material the dress was made out of, it was incredibly flammable. Instantly, it was entirely engulfed in flames. Each tongue licked and spat, steadily rising to envelop the tree. The crackling drowned out the music and sweat was already collecting on Niki’s forehead and she faced the fire. Smoke billowed out from each leaf and painted the night sky a dark, stormy grey. The red and orange flames challenged the golden light of the chandelier inside for dominance and the flames won.

It was all so devastatingly beautiful.

But Niki’s initial attack on the tree must have done a lot more damage than she had originally thought as the weakened trunk began to collapse.

And it was going to go crashing straight into the ballroom.

Niki tensed but there wasn’t anything she could do about it now. She would just have to let the heat from the inferno dry her tears instead.

The tree drove straight through the building, bringing a section of the roof down with it. The meretricious decorations were swiftly incinerated and the music melted into screams. The guests all screeched and cried and coughed and spluttered as their dresses caught fire and the smoke invaded their lungs. The punch table collapsed and finally - /finally/ - people turned and saw the girl who stood outside, watching as their heartless, indulgent world descended into a freshly scored Hell.

But Niki didn’t take any pleasure in it. It was only what was necessary. She swiped the remaining tears from her cheeks and lifted her chin.

“Now tell me Navy blue isn’t my colour.”

#niki #nihachu #wilbur #wilbur soot #ball #fire #dream smp #revolution #l'manberg #l'manburg #l'mantree #purple dress #arson pog #techno would be proud

[callme-chaos]

Daddy, I’m Off to Start a War - DSMP Poem

By Wilbur to Philza

Daddy, I’m off to start a war.

I have too much time on my hands.

So I’m saying goodbye to myself

And whatever else a war demands.

The way of the world makes me sick,

But my naivety repulses me more.

So I’m rejecting all my gentleness

Because kindness won’t win wars.

If a sword feels wrong in my hand,

Should I just give up?

Or break all of my fingers

Until the hilt is perfectly cupped?

 Do I try to change the world?

Or do I let it burn?

Because the future’s written by historians:

We never truly learn.

 We only imitate and mirror,

But I think my glass is cracked.

All I see is a boy

Who’s passion’s been ransacked.

 Daddy, I stabbed myself in the back.

My blood ran through my fingers.

It felt good for a moment -

But now my humanity is injured.

 In its stead stands a judge

With a trigger-happy temper.

He has a hole for a soul

And my compassion is but an ember.

 Daddy, I’m off to start a war

Because I have to fight for something.

Else my soul feels painfully hollow,

My pride too sharp to swallow,

In only despair would I wallow,

And I would have slaughtered myself for nothing.

#wilbur soot #philza #dadza #dream smp #l'manberg #war #kindness won't win wars #but a stack of tnt might

[callme-chaos]

A Home for Ranboo - A DSMP Poem

I don’t know why but I was thinking about home, A place where I belonged, And while my memories are a haze I know my heart it longs.

I yearn a place I recognise, A place to ignite a spark, A place to explain my origins, A place I’d made my mark.

So I set off on a journey In search of a special biome, To see where tickled my memory, Somewhere I knew as home.

At first I scanned a desert, Where only cacti grew, And while I appreciated the dryness, Nothing really flew.

Then I saw a forest, It smelled like magic and trees. It certainly was peaceful But the bugs weren’t really for me.

So I dug below the surface And went inside a cave. I found some awesome gemstones! But that’s not really what I craved…

Next up was a snow biome, What secrets did that hold? The snow-capped mountains were pretty But it was really far too cold.

“If snow’s too cold then how about hot?” So I went into the Nether. But only dark creatures spawn from fire I hope I never go back there ever.

But portals gave me an idea, After I’d almost given in, A place I’d only heard about, A place I’d never been.

I sought something called a stronghold To put my ender eyes, I set my spawn point, said a prayer, To this realm I said goodbye.

This new world was guarded By a dragon as black as night, But all I really wanted to do was know: Did this place solve my plight?

The End was something magical, It soothed 50% of my brain. The adventure was half a success, But it was also half in vain…

I felt so lost and sad “Will I always be alone?” I screamed into the void, I don’t know why; I was thinking about home.

And what about my parents – Did they even still exist? “I’m going to be so lonely!” Cried my inner-pessimist.

Perhaps they didn’t want me, Perhaps home’s too far away, I then returned to Tubbo I’d had enough for a day.

Tubbo greeted me at the door His face could light up the sky. I tried to return the gesture But all I wanted to do was cry.

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out,” he said “But you know you still have me!” And for the first time in a while My expression held more glee.

My friends and family are right here. I didn’t have to roam! And I’ll no longer wonder why I realise now I’m home. :)

Hello and welcome to the end notes! I have a fun thing to announce to anybody who might be remotely interested:

I now have a ko-fi account!

There you can donate to me (if you so wished) but I also do commissions for personalised fanfictions in a myriad of styles! So if you're interested in any of that, it would be really cool if you could check it out.

I'm also hoping to set up a fun little game in the future that you might want to stick around for. ;)

Anyways, here's the link (also in my bio): ko-fi.com/callmechaos

And if you made it this far down: congratulations! I usually skip these parts so it's nice to know that someone out there reads them. XD

#ranboo #dream smp #my beloved #tubbo #the dragon #minecraft #biomes #home #home is where tubbo is

[callme-chaos]

It’s a Bad Day (for the Ranboo Community) - A DMSP Poem

Ranboo wanted to stream, But his computer blue-screened, It’s a bad day for the Ranboo community.

Ranboo’s an MCC fan, But he has a lifetime ban, It’s a bad day for the Ranboo community.

He played the scary game, And a coward he became, It’s a bad day for the Ranboo community.

Even though the sub-goal gets higher, Phil’s still Ranboo’s fast-food-buyer, Tis a bad day for the Ranboo community.

No matter how many people primed, Ranboo’s card was still declined, Alas, a bad day for the Ranboo community.

Ranboo’s character plays irked, But the mic doesn’t work, Another bad day for the Ranboo community.

On Ranboo, the gays fixate, But our parents think we’re straight, It’s a sad day for the Ranboo community. : (

I stubbed my toe on the edge of the door, So I called it a whore, IT’S A BAD DAY FOR THE RANBOO COMMUNITY!

I needed a wee, But there was no paper for me, …A bad day for the Ranboo community.

It’s raining tomorrow. … Just a bad day for the Ranboo community.

I wanted a Sunday roast, But all I had was burnt toast, Still a bad day for the Ranboo community.

…

Ranboo met Tubbo today! Their meet-up keeps the sadness at bay, Finally, a good day for the Ranboo community!

#dream smp #ranboo #tubbo #ranboo's chat #community #bad day #it's always a bad day for the ranboo community #but i love us anyways

[callme-chaos]

On Being Human - DSMP

This is a poem inspired by when Charlie meets Ranboo for the first time.

Today I asked a question I’d never asked before, At first it was a whisper, Then it was a roar.

“What does it mean to be human?” I really didn’t know! So I went in search of answers For this thought I couldn’t let go.

First I asked Mr. Quackity Who said “You need a brain.” He shoved me away and said “Now don’t ask me this again.”

“Maybe you need eyes So you can see when someone is pissed.” Quackity agreed So I added it to the list.

I thought of all the times Mr. Quackity had made a choice. Is that what makes him human? In that case you need a mouth and voice!

Then I remembered a man With a white streak in his hair. Him and Quackity had argued Until they were both gasping for air.

A human might need lungs Just so it can breathe, So it can always continue to argue And shout and maim and seethe.

And a human would need hands To hold a weapon hilt. Because you can’t have a friendship Unless somebody gets killed!

And Quackity uses his legs and feet To kick me when I’m down. “Do they go on the list?” That’s when I began to frown.

You see, today I met a boy Who’s smile lit up the Earth. He made me question things I thought I’d known since birth.

He said friends are not for killing- They’re people who are kind. You view them as an equal (Something I had to bear in mind.)

Humans, they need friends, At least that’s what I’m told, And friends will keep you sane Even when you’re grey and old.

Then the boy said something strange, Something I didn’t quite understand. He stood a-top his farm And looked out across his land.

“Humans have emotions: Angry, happy, sad. What would you do if a pet died?” I answered: “Would that be bad?

“I mean, we all become dust in the end, Why go through all that strife?” “I guess it’s what makes us human: We can love and cherish life.”

I shook the boy’s hand tightly, “Thanks! I’ve really learned a lot! Can we be friends now?” The boy answered, “Sure, why not?”

I went home to Las Nevadas, My face it was a-gleam, But then Mr. Quackity found out Exactly where I’d been…

“I’ll teach you a lesson,” Mr. Quackity did start, “In order to be human You will need a heart.

“Watch carefully, dear Charlie, And I’ll show you what I mean.” Then he snuck into the stone fort Turning my new friend to grave cuisine.

So tonight I’m in my room, I feel a pain inside my chest. The boy had shown me kindness But now he’s dead and I’m depressed.

My head has started pounding, My eyes are starting to cry, My lungs are painfully constricted, And my mouth feels awfully dry.

My palms are cold and sweaty, My feet they want to run, My feelings feel all messy, My brand new friend is gone…

That boy I met was human, That’s one thing I know to be true. And my heart… It feels so hollow… Does that make me human too?

#dream smp #charlie #slimecicle #charlie slimecicle #ranboo #quackity #human #what does it mean to be human? #having strong opinions on things that dont matter #hehe

[callme-chaos]

The Blade’s Apprentice - DSMP

“Alright – which one of you did it?” Technoblade’s low voice rumbled like thunder as he burst into the room, face screwed up with rage. Everyone in the room stiffened. Philza narrowly missed spilling boiling water from the kettle onto his feet. Tubbo ducked behind Ranboo who slowly shuffled into the furthest corner from the door. And Tommy sunk into the sofa, resisting the urge to hop over it and behind it. Everyone wished they were somewhere else.

Putting the kettle down and grabbing a towel to dry up the water, Philza carefully asked “Did what?”

Technoblade whipped out his netherite axe and loomed over Tommy. The shadow of his wide silhouette blocked the light and Tommy cowered. “Hey now, buddy – let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Whatever it was – it was probably Ranboo-“ Tommy began but was quickly cut off.

Techno’s voice entered a stage of what could only be described as ‘scary-calm’: while his face and tone suggested security and forgiveness, the actual words were forged from the mouth of Hell. “Blood calls for blood, Tommy. Who am I to deny it?”

Tommy squealed but before Techno could bring the axe down on him, Philza stepped in. “Woah! Techno – gonna explain what happened?”

“Someone killed my apprentice.”

The room fell into a stunned silence before Tommy burst into choked laughter. “You have an apprentice?” he mocked.

Techno’s face dropped. “Had.” He plopped himself down on the sofa next to Tommy and glared at space. “It was my favourite one as well.”

Tubbo, who now had the courage to approach the sofa now that Techno was seated and Philza was in control again, asked “Since when did you have an apprentice?”

“And more than one by the sounds of things,” Ranboo chimed in.

“About a week ago, someone in my chat said I would make a terrible mentor,” Techno replied with a sniffle.

“And, let me guess, you wanted to prove them wrong?” Philza said with an eye roll.

“Exactly! Someone even paid me twenty dollars to do it.”

“Only twenty dollars?” Tubbo said.

“That’s it?” Ranboo added.

“Can I be your apprentice too?” Tommy asked.

Techno ignored them all and stood, pulling his cloak more tightly around his neck. “I must avenge them!” He picked up his axe again. “I’m only going to ask this once, Tommy – and I want the truth: did you kill my apprentice?”

Tommy jumped up in astonishment. “No! And I’m offended you would even think that.”

“Well, you did say you wanted to be Technoblade’s apprentice. Killing off one of them would be a good motive for wanting one dead and-” Ranboo said but silenced himself after seeing the look in Tommy’s eyes. “And! Tommy has been with us all day so there’s no way he could have done it.”

Technoblade grunted. “Real convincing that is.”

“When was the last time you saw them?” Tubbo asked.

“Well, the last I checked on them was when I left them in a Woodland Mansion.”

“You did what?!” Philza said.

“I blink and then they’re just a pile of items.”

“Techno-“ Phil groaned.

“It’s okay. I gave them two gapples and a stone sword – they were all set,” Techno explained. Everyone was stunned.

“And you wanted to blame /me/ for their death!” Tommy exclaimed. He put his head in his hands but Techno just looked puzzled.

“What? That was enough, right? I could do it with nothing but a wooden hoe and a pair of leather boots,” Techno lifted his chin, indignantly.

“Not everyone is as cracked as you, Techno!” Tubbo said, one part extremely concerned by Techno’s bad judgement, two parts highly amused by the current situation they had all found themselves in.

“Hey, if they couldn’t survive that then they had no right being /my/ subordinate.”

“…I’m assuming you no longer want to avenge them then,” Philza added, trying best to conceal his smirk.

“No… Still want to be my apprentice, Tommy?” Techno asked and Tommy violently shook his head, taking three steps back.

The room fell quiet once again as everyone digested what had just happened.

A few cows mooed in the distance.

A single fly buzzed around a bit before getting tired and landing on the coffee table.

You could almost hear the sound of Philza’s boiled water going cold.

“Well, this was a pointless interaction,” Ranboo broke the quietude.

“I could always kill Tommy anyways and make it all worth it,” Techno said. Tommy yelped and hid behind Philza.

“Maybe we should set up a grave outside – you know, to remember them?” Tubbo suggested.

Everyone nodded and left the cosy cottage in favour of the snow-capped world outside. Tubbo placed a few stone blocks and Ranboo planted some red flowers. Overall, it was fairly mediocre.

With a couple of tears in his eyes, Techno placed an oak sign on the stone. He wrote some nice words and everyone stood back to admire what he had written.

~Apprentice #3~ Friend, Human, Sub to Technoblade.

#dream smp #technoblade #techno #tubbo #ranboo #tommy #tommyinnit #sub to technoblade #:)

[callme-chaos]

Chain Track - A Ghostbur Poem

The light at the end of the tunnel attracts I pray you’ll let go Hope will keep you chained to the tracks.

The train pulls up, my tongue it slacks My savior sweeps in, you in tow The light at the end of the tunnel attracts.

You’ll feel like you’re falling between universe cracks You’ll cry tears – let them flow Hope will keep you chained to the tracks.

At times it’s cold, the world in whites and blacks But that’s no longer my woe The light at the end of the tunnel attracts.

Betrayal feels like a million attacks I guess I would know Hope will keep you chained to the tracks.

No longer I’ll be as a friend acts With life my body is a-glow The light at the end of the tunnel attracts Hope will keep you chained to the tracks.

So here’s a villanelle written from Wilbur’s perspective to Ghostbur as they switch places in train limbo. :)

#dream smp #dream #wilbur #wilbur soot #ghostbur #train #sad #poem #i hate villanelles #sequel short story coming soon??

[callme-chaos]

Technoblade’s Sonnet

With the brilliance of a thousand suns,

My love, into war she springs.

A whirl of spirit and blazing guns,

Wearing chaos like a pair of wings.

My love attracts the darker hearts

Of which mine is black with smoke,

A world of daggers and poison darts

Where kings – they fear they’ll choke.

I seek a place where rulers fall,

There, in her arms, I find peace.

Meanwhile, around us, enemies bawl –

Their hold on us decreased.

Mother, why must I the bad guy be

When my one true love is anarchy?

#technoblade #technothepig #anarchy #dream smp #techno my beloved #i never used to like writing poetry #now i have written two poems in a row #huh

[callme-chaos]

Tubell and Tinkerboo

Once upon a time, In a kingdom square – not round, If you grab your pick-axe And dig straight down and down,

You’ll find a little colony Of fairies big and small! There are two in particular: One short, one very tall.

The smol one is Tubell, He wants as buzzy-bees do. The large one Gen Z likes to claim – We call him Tinkerboo.

Tubell and Tinkerboo – The very best of friends! In the caves in the core of the Earth The fun began to end.

Tinkerboo and Tubell – Thus their magic arc begins, They wave their hands and to God demand Each a pair of wings.

Tubell’s are round and green, With emeralds do they drip, Powerful but expensive, With a sapphire on each tip.

Tinkerboo’s are darker, They’re pointy, white and black, But they shimmer in the moonlight And they’ll always have his back.

Tubell and Tinkerboo – The very best of friends! Now with tools with which to fly, The fun will never end.

They fly up to the surface, They leave their home behind, As sunlight cracks through dirt blocks Something new they hope to find!

And that they do – oh yes, indeed! A world of green and fun, They laughed and played for hours, Stress and fear levels next to none.

Until Tubell joined an army, They said they fought for peace, But then Tubell was caught by the wrong sort And from his position, he was released.

Tubell and Tinkerboo, They’d lost their way as friends, Tubell was led astray But the tyranny was yet to end…

Tubell, he went away, He didn’t like to lose, Until Tinkerboo returned one day, Bearing the worst of news.

Tinkerboo showed Tubell a hole, The ruins of a kingdom gone, The craters, colossal; the damage, infinite. This was the impact of a bomb.

Tinkerboo – he cowered, Tubell began to cry, As they stared out at the rubble, They had just one thought – ‘why?’

Tubell and Tinkerboo, The very best of friends, This new world began to scare them, The chaos never ends.

Tinkerboo gave Tubell a hug, Saying “All will be okay,” But Tubell just grew angry, Pushing Tinkerboo away.

“How can you say that?” Tubell screamed, his heart was on his sleeve, “If you think a hug can fix this, I think you’d better leave.”

Tinkerboo turned away, A heaviness rising on his chest. He stole a breath, stepped to go, “I think that’s for the best.”

Tubell and Tinkerboo – They were the best of friends, But something was tearing them apart. Will their friendship end?

Tinkerboo, he got adopted By a secret club, They called themselves the Syndicate, An unlit portal was their hub.

Tubell, he built a nation, To fill the hole in his heart, Here lies Snowchester, A place Tubell could restart.

But things were starting to change, The wings were starting to hurt – Tinkerboo and Tubell, Their arc began to disconcert.

Now, dear reader, here’s the catch, A rule passed from on high: The wings refuse to co-exist For while one lives, The other must die…

Tinkerboo went into hiding, He didn’t want to fight, That was until one day, His wings – they did ignite.

Tubell turned to a murderer, Thinking a killing spree could help, But his wings cut into his back like knives Causing him to yelp.

Tinkerboo and Tubell Needed a plan and quick. Tinkerboo was burning alive And Tubell’s body – with blood – was slick.

Tubell and Tinkerboo, No longer are they friends. They knew now what they needed to do: One life must come to an end.

Tubell grabbed his sword, Immediately on the hunt, Tinkerboo donned the armour, Ready to confront.

Tubell swung his sword first, Aiming for the head, Tinkerboo, he ducked, His main emotion dread.

A gash across the thigh, A cut along the arm, The fairies did as humans do: They caused each other harm.

Tubell and Tinkerboo, No longer are they friends, They fought until the night came, The story’s close to the end.

Tubell and Tinkerboo, They both grew very tired, Though no longer besties Neither death was really desired.

Tinkerboo threw his hands up, To Tubell he did surrender. The moon was high; his wings, they glittered, He’d die in peace and splendour.

But as Tubell raised his sword again, His hands began to shake. His eyes were filling up with tears His heart began to ache.

Tubell and Tinkerboo, Once the best kind of friends, Tinkerboo kneeled, closing his eyes, But Tubell didn’t want to see the end.

Then an idea came to Tubell’s head, One to solve their plight: “I will take the day! And you will take the night!”

“What?” questioned Tinkerboo, “You must be barking mad!” “Maybe,” Tubell replied, “But if I killed you, I’d be sad.

While I will rule in sun, You can rule in dark, Then we’ll never meet - Our wings kept separate,” Tubell remarked.

Tubell and Tinkerboo, Once the best of friends, Now forever must be kept apart, Their friendship’s at its end.

So Tubell played in sun, With wings of blue and green. He loved the mountains and the forests And the waterfalls so serene.

Tinkerboo played in darkness, With wings of black and white, He loved the caves and Syndicate: Masters of the night.

So, reader, here’s a question: Are soulmates even real, If they are never truly found, Only earnt through an ordeal?

You see, Tubell and Tinkerboo, They were always more than friends, They were as the moon and sun are: Tragic soulmates ‘til the end.

#dream smp #tubbo #ranboo #tubell #tinkerboo #fairies #can we make this canon? #i should be revising right now... #send help

[callme-chaos]

The Perks of Being the President (1/4)

Chapter 1: Free Shit

There are many perks to being the President. Reduced travel expenses, high security wherever you go, lots of money and free shit. It can be a lot of fun. I would know. I was a King once. Now I’m a God.

But I digress.

               There are many perks to being the President but being known is not one of them. The history books are not always kind to their subjects but they are never kind to their rulers. Whether you win or lose or die or live – someone out there hated your guts and will never let the world forget it.

I would know.

               But this is not my story. I will just be narrating it because no one else had the energy to do so. Which I guess makes sense – everyone was very tired after the war.

               Instead, this is the story of President J. Schlatt who, despite being voted in completely legally and democratically, was still a very controversial figure in our history. You all know the beginning of the story, I’m sure of that much. But here is where it ended for one of them…

               “Does anybody smell toast?”

               “That’ll be your breakfast, sir,” Quackity said, his suit buttoned up to the throat, as he woke the President from his beauty sleep. Schlatt slowly sat up from the bed, holding his head. He felt like he was having the hangover of the century but had no idea that he actually was. For a moment, he remembered nothing of the previous days.

               Quackity presented the divine breakfast on a silver platter to Schlatt, who’s eyes gleamed with greed. “Did I pay for this?” Schlatt asked.

               “Of course not, sir. Breakfast is always on the tax payers,” Quackity replied.

               Schlatt licked his chops in delight and tucked in. There was something very grotesque in the movement that I distinctly didn’t like – but, hey, what was I gonna do about it? He was President and I was barely corporeal in that moment.

               With a mouth full of toast and cooked salmon, Schlatt spoke again: “You know, I had a really weird dream last night.”

               Quackity had been pulling out the perfect suit for his President to wear and barely turned around to listen to what the old crackpot had to say. Undeterred however, Schlatt continued. “I think I had a heart-attack and died.”

               Breathing a heavy sigh of “only if”, Quackity pulled out a grey suit and red tie combo. “And what did that feel like?”

               “Not so great actually. I got really drunk though beforehand so that was good. I think we might have been at war.”

               “There is no war in Manberg, sir.”

               “Maybe not out there, Quackity,” Schlatt swallowed harshly. Today felt like a big day. Schlatt could sense it: the clouds were moving faster over Manberg and it looked like it might rain. Something was coming. Something epic and gorgeous and legendary and green and funny and sexy and just all round pretty excellent.

               Though, Schlatt wasn’t to know that at the time, I guess.

               No, Schlatt instead tossed the feelings aside and went about his day as usual: he finished his free breakfast, had a free lunch to follow up and had an exquisite free evening meal and finally went to bed. Full and happy and unknowing.

               The house was silent and dark when the stunningly attractive green man came. He slipped through the window like a breeze and lay in waiting for his prey to wake from slumber. Jschlatt was a noisy sleeper. Every snore was a lion’s roar and shook the entire building. But the lovely green man was unintimidated by it and stood in the corner of the room, basking in the shadows.

               Until he inevitably got bored of the waiting and woke the sleeping man up.

               “Hey! Jschlatt! Wake up! I need to tell you something!”

               Schlatt tumbled out of bed and, still half asleep, pulled out a sword from under his pillow. “Waddyawan?”

               Amused, the green man said, “You sleep with a knife?”

               Blinking himself awake, Schlatt’s vision finally came into focus. “Dream?”

               The green man shook his head violently, “No no. I am NIGHTMARE.” A well-timed clap of thunder sounded above them and lightning struck the floor outside. It was very epic.

               But the drunk asshole just laughed. “Nightmare? That’s something I would call my Club Penguin avatar.”

               “You are far too old to be playing Club Penguin, Mr. President.”

               “Hey! Don’t question what I do in my spare time. Anyways, what are you even doing here?”

               “I need to tell you something.”

               Jschlatt released an irritated sigh and began to crawl back into bed. “Then make it snappy. I still have some z’s to catch before morning.”

               NIGHTMARE ripped the covers off the man and he shivered. “Over the next three nights you will be visited by three ghosts who will teach you things about being a better person-“

               “You’re a bit early for that, buddy. Try rescheduling for the 24th of December.”

               “Schlatt, I’m serious. You need to change your ways.”

               “Wait. Did you say over the next three nights? Dickens did it in one – what’s the hold up here?”

               “Minecraft nights are much shorter than real life nights – anyways, stop questioning the storyline and listen to me! You might be fat and happy in this timeline but you can’t be making mistakes. If you keep going down this path, you will die!”

               “That’s what my doctors have been saying for years.”

               “I’m not talking about the alcohol, Schlatt! Take it from someone who knows, being a leader is difficult – it’s more than just living the lush life.” NIGHTMARE watched the emotions flit across Schlatt’s face: a mixture of doubt then uncertainty and then nothingness. This man was empty.

               “Look here, buddy, things are going great for me at the moment – industry is booming, the treasury is over-flowing, the people are ecstatic and there is no war in Manberg! I’m a great president!” Schlatt said with no small amount of arrogance.

               “No, /your/ industries are booming, /your/ pockets are over-flowing, /you/ are happy. Your people are not. And while there is no war now, you will have one on your hands soon if you don’t shape up-“

               “What’s that about my shape?”

               “Three more ghosts are coming, Schlatt, whether you want them to or not. You better listen to them or else…”

               “Or else what?” Jschlatt taunted but anyone could see that the grip on his sword was faltering. “Are you gonna kill me?”

               “I’m afraid it’s already too late for that,” NIGHTMARE turned away from the hopeless case, annoyed. “And you can have that bit for free.”

               And with that final sentence resonating in Jschlatt’s head, the awesomely epic green man disappeared in a crack of lightning and another expertly timed clap of thunder.

#dream smp #president #l'manberg #manberg #jschlatt #dream #NIGHTMARE #quackity #ghosts #shape up man

[callme-chaos]

Last Stand for L’Manburg

I could feel my heartbeat in my throat, the pulse in my oesophagus making me feel queasy. I clung to the hem of my shirt, wringing the sweat from my palms. This would determine the fate of everything: who lived, who died, who was free and who would be haunted with shame and defeat forever.

The arrow that would define an era was shot from the green man’s bow and TommyInnit exploded in a galaxy of items.

“It has been settled.”

And my heart sank, losing the capacity to beat with any kind of meaning. L’Manburg’s last ray of hope had been smothered by the hand that created the ground it stood on. L’Manburg’s independence was no more.

Words were exchanged between the winner and the loser but it no longer mattered. What was done was done. Everything I had come to love was going down in flames. It was over.

“Dream – no no – listen: can we go in a call for one second?” Tommy courageously confronted his killer. “Just a millisecond. Just between us. This was our war.”

What is he doing? I thought. But how could he possibly make things any worse?

“That boy,” Wilbur groaned – an acutely pained sound. “Fundy, we’re- let’s- we’re going back.” Head facing forward to a future unknown, the fallen President of L’Manburg headed off to his only sanctuary – the land he cared so much for.

“Eret?” Wilbur said, not daring to face the dirty lil’ traitor. “You’re officially barred from entering our nation,” he continued, emphasising the ‘barred’ like he could manifest the word into arrows that could smite the other man down.

“Understandable,” Eret replied and I feared the emotionless tone to his voice. He truly did not seem to care.

Feverishly, trying not to tear up, Wilbur continued to tear the man down with his words: “Y-you also smell and are bad.” Eret laughed coldly. “A-and I never liked you anyways.”

“Oh,” Eret made the sound of someone punching him in the gut and Wilbur smiled.

Finally reaching the walls of his home, Wilbur gazed up at the towering gates as the sunset cast a pink glow over a once great nation. “I did this all for you, L’Manburg,” Wilbur said to himself.

While waiting for Tommy’s return, Wilbur, Fundy and Tubbo read emo poetry to each other.

Until a buzz rang out on Wilbur’s earphone, signalling someone had entered the call.

“Wilbur,” Tommy said, sombrely, “I-I-I’ve secured our independence.”

Time ceased as my soul digested the news.

Was L’Manburg really free once more?

The call fell silent as a myriad of emotions flicked across Wilbur’s face: shock, confusion, doubt and a small slither of hope.

“You… you WHAT?” Wilbur asked. “What did you do? How did you-?”

Tommy sighed. And with a voice as heavy as the Earth he said:

“I shot that green bastard in the face – he can’t own us if he’s dead!”

Wilbur looked into the camera lens and smiled, his eyes as dead as the forests in winter.

“Good. :)”

And my heart began to beat again.

For L’Manburg.

#lmanburg #lmanberg #wilbur soot #tommyinnit #dream #dream smp #what should have happened #chaos #yumyum