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#(They're barely functional most of the time.)
perenlop · 1 year
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so sad watching someone go through each episode of a multi season show and they just get more and more exhausted as the seasons just get worse
#both about drake's mlp liveblog and about the 7 hour spongebob ranking LOL#i forgot how many episodes of spongebob were just plain mean-spirited and i fully agree with him when i say that like#*when he says#they're not problematic or the worst episodes of all time and ''its just a comedy'' but then the mean spirited stuff isnt funny#its just not fun to watch. like black comedy can be really good but like it has to actually be enjoyable#mlp thankfully doesnt have that same mean spirited issue or anything like i think i likelater seasons more than most ppl#bc i got into the show finally when the movie came out. so im used to alicorn twilight and baby flurry heart and. kinda starlight.#but like the tone absolutely just gets weirder as it goes imo. like watching season 1 i can see why ppl prefer it#bc its very charming and later seasons kinda lose that. like ''the magic of friendship'' stops being like a metaphor#and there was sorta less focus on cute lessons about ''listen to your friends when they reach out! ask for help!'' that made the elements wo#work#and friendship somehow becomes like this magical unspeakable force thats barely studied and only ponies understand for real#so they have to teach other people what friendship is so they can also be magical. and how having friends just redeems u immediately#idk if im describing it right but it just feels weird. like in the movie w twilights dramaticline like#''friendship didnt fail me... i failed friendship.'' like that wouldve sounded more natural if she said ''my friends'' instead#idk its not a huge deal but it takes away from the charm for me bc it feels less like power of friendship and more ''this is so mystical''#echoed voice#id say i think this is me also with pokeani but like. idk i feel like thats kinda different inthat its not seasonal rot#its just that theres so so much of the same formula and not every small arc they do isa banger#the casts also shift now and then so it doesnt feel like characters other than ash haveto forget things all the time to function
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foone · 7 months
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why are printers so hated? it's simple:
computers are good at computering. they are not good at the real world.
the biggest problems in computers, the ones that have had to change the most over the time they've existed, are the parts that deal with the real world. The keyboard, the mouse, the screen. every computer needs these, but they involve interacting with the real world. that's a problem. that's why they get replaced so much.
now, printers: printers have some of the most complex real-world interaction. they need to deposit ink on paper in 2 dimensions, and that results in at least three ways it can go on right from the start. (this is why 3D printers are just 2D printers that can go wrong in another whole dimension)
scanners fall into many of the same problems printers have, but fewer people have scanners, and they're not as cost-optimized. But they are nearly as annoying.
This is also why you can make a printer better by cutting down on the number of moving elements: laser printers are better than inkjets, because they only need to move in one dimension, and their ink is a powder, not a liquid. and the best-behaved printers of all are thermal printers: no ink and the head doesn't move. That's why every receipt printer is a thermal printer, because they need that shit to work all the time so they can sell shit. And thermal is the most reliable way to do that.
But yeah, cost-optimization is also a big part of why printers are such finicky unreliable bastards: you don't want to pay much for them. Who is excited for all the printing they're gonna be doing? basically nobody. But people get forced to have a printer because they gotta print something, for school or work or the government or whatever. So they want the cheapest thing that'll work. They're not shopping on features and functionality and design, they want something that costs barely anything, and can fucking PRINT. anything else is an optional bonus.
And here's the thing: there's a fundamental limit of how much you can optimize an inkjet printer, and we got near to it in like the late 90s. Every printer since then has just been a tad smaller, a tad faster, and added some gimmicks like printing from WIFI or bluetooth instead of needing to plug in a cable.
And that's the worst place to be in, for a computer component. The "I don't care how fancy it is, just give me one that works" zone. This is why you can buy a keyboard for 20$ and a mouse for 10$ and they both work plenty fine for 90% of users. They're objectively shit compared to the ones in the 60-150$ range, but do they work? yep. So that's what people get.
Printers fell into that zone long, long ago, when people stopped getting excited about "desktop publishing". So with printers shoved into the "make them as cheap as possible" zone, they have gotten exponentially shittier. Can you cut costs by 5$ a printer by making them jam more often? good. make them only last a couple years to save a buck or two per unit? absolutely. Can you make the printer cost 10$ less and make that back on the proprietary ink cartridges? oh, they've been doing that since Billy Clinton was in office.
It's the same place floppy disks were in in about 2000. CD-burners were not yet cheap enough, USB flash drives didn't exist yet (but were coming), modems weren't fast enough yet to copy stuff over the internet, superfloppies hadn't taken over like some hoped, and memory cards were too expensive and not everyone had a drive for them. So we still needed floppy disks, but at the same time this was a technology that hadn't changed in nearly 20 years. So people were tired of paying out the nose for them... the only solution? cut corners. I have floppy disks from 1984 that read perfectly, but a shrinkwrapped box of disks from 1999 will have over half the disks failed. They cut corners on the material quality, the QA process, the cleaning cloth inside the disk, everything they could. And the disks were shit as a result.
So, printers are in that particular note of the death-spiral where they've reached the point of "no one likes or cares about this technology, but it's still required so it's gone to shit". That's why they are so annoying, so unreliable, so fucking crap.
So, here's the good news:
You can still buy a better printer, and it will work far better. Laser printers still exist, and LED printers work the same way but even cheaper. They're still more expensive than inkjets (especially if you need color), but if you have to print stuff, they're a godsend. Way more reliable.
This is not a stable equilibrium. Printers cannot limp along in this terrible state forever. You know why I brought up floppy disk there? (besides the fact I'm a giant floppy disk nerd) because floppy disks GOT REPLACED. Have you used one this decade? CD-Rs and USB drives and internet sharing came along and ate the lunch of floppy disks, so much so that it's been over a decade since any more have been made. The same will happen to (inkjet) printers, eventually. This kind of clearly-broken situation cannot hold. It'll push people to go paperless, for companies to build cheaper alternatives to take over from the inkjets, or someone will come up with a new, more reliable printer based on some new technology that's now cheap enough to use in printers. Yeah, it sucks right now, but it can't last.
So, in conclusion: Printers suck, but this is both an innate problem caused by them having to deal with so much fucking Real World, and a local minimum of reliability that we're currently stuck in. Eventually we'll get out of this valley on the graph and printers will bother people a lot less.
Random fun facts about printing of the past and their local minimums:
in the hot metal type era, not only would the whole printing process expose you to lead, the most common method of printing text was the linotype, which could go wrong in a very fun way: if the next for a line wasn't properly justified (filling out the whole row), it could "squirt", and lead would escape through gaps in the type matrix. This would result in molten lead squirting out of the machine, possibly onto the operator. Anecdotally, linotype operators would sometimes recognize each other on the street because of the telltale spots on their forearms where they had white splotches where no hair grew, because they got bad lead burns. This type of printing remained in use until the 80s.
Another fun type of now-retired printers are drum printers, a type of line printer. These work something like a typewriter or dot-matrix printer, except the elements extend across the entire width of the paper. So instead of printing a character at time by smacking it into the paper, the whole line got smacked nearly at once. The problem is that if the paper jammed and the printer continued to try to print, that line of the paper would be repeatedly struck at high speed, creating a lot of heat. This worry created the now-infamous Linux error: "lp0 on fire". This was displayed when the error signals from a parallel printer didn't make sense... and it was a real worry. A high speed printer could definitely set the paper on fire, though this was rare.
So... one thing to be grateful about current shitty inkjet printers: they are very unlikely to burn anything, especially you.
(because before they could do that they'd have to work, at least a little, first, and that's very unlikely)
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ao3commentoftheday · 3 months
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Love me a fic that starts with the unresolved sexual tension already thicker than a bowl of oatmeal. I want my ship pining, yearning, and most definitely fantasizing.
I want their minds to wander to how hot the other person is, mid-sentence. I want them barely functioning because of all the hormones swimming through their brains. I want normally smart people who are downright dumb when faced with the smallest bit of barely revealed skin on the other person's body.
By the time they actually realize they're both in this state of tortured sexual desire, I want them to be at their wit's end and ready to flee the country in order to find the slightest scrap of control because there is absolutely zero control left when theyre in the same room together. They need to be scratching at the walls of their souls, they're so desperate for each other.
And when they do finally realize the fact that they're in this on-fire boat together? I want them to have incredibly hot, wildly cathartic (and not necessarily at-all realistic) sex that leaves them both exhausted, happy, and fully satisfied.
Unresolved sexual tension that gets completely fucking resolved, my beloved.
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caesium-55 · 2 months
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—seven days. [ iii ]
pairing: max verstappen x manager! reader.
summary: as the third time world champion, max verstappen's manager, you function on the belief that whatever max verstappen wanted, max verstappen shall get. but this time, after four years of working as his manager, you can't give him what he wants anymore and that was to stay.
author's note: hi hello welcome to part three. i flunked the quiz. lemme know what you think. NOT BETA READ. NOT EDITED. this chapter kinda sux. can't believe i went through a breakup just last week and i still cant write decent post-breakup scenes.
tags: @whatamidoingwithmylife-ramdom @eugene-emt-roe @bellezaycafe @barnestatic @theseerbetweenus @wcnorris @notyouraveragemochii @lpab hope i didn't forget anyone.
masterlist.
you: *sent a link*
him: ?
him: what's this
you: benefits of crying
you: read it it's enlightening
him: some people do not cry over a breakup you know and that is totally okay
you: why crying helps.
you: 1. tears release toxins, stress hormones to be specific. it is good to let all the bad energy out.
you: 2. it aids sleep. no need for further explanation.
you: 3. crying releases oxytocin and endorphins. i know you don't know what an oxytocin or an endorphin is but they're happy chemicals.
you: 4. crying helps you receive the support you need from the people around you. EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY is okay, max. stop treating it like an STD.
him: it feels like an std
you: pussy
you: emotional vulnerability is a thing and it's normal so stop trying to be a big strong man when you're barely holding it together.
you: you may look fine now but i know you
him: please stop
you: no
you: 5. crying has a self soothing effect. very nice actually. it activates the rest and digest system.
him: what even is that
you: the parasympathetic nervous system
him: ??
you: this is why you shouldn't have dropped out of high school
you: education is important yknow
you: youre already lacking in three forms of intelligence, academic, emotional n social intelligence
him: fuck you im smart
you: fuck you 2 and yeah you're smart but only in geography
you: you probably can't do your taxes
him: im dutch so the company's account department do it for me by default
him: the american system is just weird
you: cant argue w/ u there
you: also, 6. crying helps restore emotional balance
you: see? you need that
you: yknow now that i think abt it you should consider seeking therapy
him: what makes you think i’m not in therapy right now
you: well have you considered getting MORE therapy?
You stand in front of the body mirror, holding the Red Bull polo shirt against your body to see how it looks on you for one last time. On your right sleeve, the word MANAGER is written in bold, white text. Because that was what you were. Just a manager.
In another universe this is not the shirt that you’d be wearing. The MANAGER would have been ENGINEER. In another another universe where your family has been well-off enough to continuously send you to karting school and you would have been the one driving the fucking car by now.
You know, if Max has even tried talking to Horner and suggested that you should be moved into the engineering team, then you wouldn't be stuck wearing this god-awful polo that burned your skin every time you wore it for work. Everybody reduced you as Max’s American manager and because you are American, most of them kind of just assumed that you're dumb, you know?
Does the world even know how smart you are? That you graduated top of your class, got the best thesis award, and that you had finished your masters just this year? Did they even know that a Japanese car company wanted you on their research team? That a NASCAR team wanted you on board as one of their engineers? Does Max even know?
Fuck no. He only knows that you're the best at ironing clothes and organizing his Google calendar and memorizing his entire coffee order by heart. He knew you're good at extinguishing kitchen fires and kicking ass in YSL Opyum heels. You doubt he knows that you can do Calculus in your sleep.
You can take it if the world puts you down for your appearance. But if the world puts you down because of your intellect? That's a different story. You'll take any insult to the face but not to your intelligence.
You have four days left in Monaco so you have begun packing already. You're right, everything did fit into three suitcases. Also, you haven't told Max yet. For some reason, you’re too anxious. Which is shocking to say the least because you never ever gets anxious when it came to Max Verstappen. You wouldn't have lasted this long working alongside Max if you were a pussy.
Max Max Max Super Max Max—
“[Name] here. Need anythin’, champ?”
Hearing a sob on the other end of the line immediately activates your fight or flight response. Your eyes widen and you toss the Red Bull shirt aside. Your legs leads you to the nearly empty shoe rack stationed beside the front door, grabbing the pair of shoes at the very top of the tiny shelf and throwing them on.
“I’m comin’ there. Hang on, Max. You wait for me, okay?”
He doesn't answer, just continuing to sob and the sound absolutely breaks your heart.
You run to his penthouse at a speed that will even put the RB19 to shame. Not even bothering to knock, you barge in and yell his name in the empty halls of his penthouse. You search in the kitchen. He's not there. The living room. Not there either. The room where his simulations are. Not there. You run to his bedroom upstairs.
The door is locked. Dammit. Panic overflooded your system.
“Max, sweetheart, you there?”
No answer, but you can hear a faint sound behind the door if you press your ear against the wood. Firefighter training covered how to open a fucking door when it was locked so this once again becomes a situation where you're grateful that you did that tiring and borderline suicidal volunteer work.
Max keeps a fire extinguisher inside his penthouse as per your advice. There is one stationed in almost every room inside his house. You knew there is one inside his room and another one just at the end of the hallway. You make a quick run for it and once you have the extinguisher in your hands, you run back to his door.
“Step away from the door!” you instructed while your mind mentally calculates your payment plan as you hit the door knob with so much force, the walls tremble at your strength. You're functioning on pure adrenaline. Your instincts only yell one thing and that is: go to Max. No one and nothing in this world will keep you from him. It isn't long until his bedroom door broke down. With one last final kick, it crumbles down from its hinges and you forcefully pry it open and sprint inside.
Max tucks himself in the tiny space in the corner of his huge bedroom, his knees shoved up to his chest. A 181-cm tall man trying to make himself as small as possible.
This is it. This is the bottled-up emotions he's been storing since Abu Dhabi. You cannot say you have not anticipated this. Max is bound to explode sooner or later.
Panic attacks have made a home in Max’s body since he was a child. That's what one gets when they’re parented by someone like Jos Verstappen. He killed Max’s soul and made the boy a machine and for what? To shape a child into a man, a racer that he wanted to be but failed to become at the cost of Max's mental health and childhood.
When Max looks up with that heartbreaking look on his face, you almost crumble. Almost, because you cannot crumble. Not when Max needs you.
Sometimes, you forget what it took for Max to become the champion that he is today. A childhood sacrificed for his dominance on the tracks. A whole lot of hatred from the people to become a WDC. And now, a love lost for his third consecutive championship.
“You came,” his voice cracks towards the end.
Your eyes soften, “You called, Max. Course I’ll come.”
You barely brace yourself for the impact that is Max’s body wrapping around yours in a tight hug. The man have literally launch himself from the floor to you at sixth gear speed. You stumble backwards slightly, holding his bed for support so the both of you won't fall down.
“Max—”
“No,” he whispers and his grip on your tightens as if he's afraid that you’ll slip away if he even tried to give your lungs space to breathe. “Don't speak. Stay.”
What Max wanted, what Max would get. So you shut your mouth, shuffle slightly so he'll be in a more comfortable position and allow him take whatever he wants from you. This will be the last chance he’ll ever do it anyway because in four days time, you’re flying to Texas.
You stay for what is probably hours in that position. Crumbled together on the floor, leaning against the side of Max’s king-sized bed. Your shirt is completely damp from his tears but you cannot even bring yourself to care about it.
“Your shoes…” It's the first time Max has spoken since the start of his meltdown.
“Hm?” you turn your head and your nose nuzzles against his hair, making you scrunch it up a little. His hair is tickling your nostrils. If you lean a little forward, your lips will meet the skin of his temple.
“They’re mismatched.”
Brows furrowed, your eyes move to your feet and see that Max is right. Your shoes are indeed mismatched. On your left is one of your Adidas slides and the other is your slip-on Skechers. You ran from one building to another in mismatched shoes. Fucking embarassing.
“Ignore them.”
Silence.
“You good now?”
“No.”
“Okay,” you say. “If you want to talk, I’ll listen.”
You hear Max let out a shaky breath, “Just stay for a while. Don't leave me alone.”
“Okay.”
Eventually, you manage to talk Max out of the hug. You're beginning to feel claustrophobic but you do not want to say it out right so you try to negotiate instead. That's how you and Max found yourselves inside his kitchen again. You're trying to replicate your Abuela's cheesecake, which she was known for back in Austin, and Max is…well, he's Max and he’s trying to be helpful in any way he can. If it's some other day, you'd have shoved him out of the way because you prefer working alone in the kitchen. Having eyes on you gives you anxiety. But given today’s circumstances, you do not have the heart to make Max leave so you task him with doing the little stuff like mixing things and throwing shit to the trash can nearby. And he does so splendidly.
“Thank you, by the way.”
“For what, baby?” You internally wince at your own slip of the tongue. Damn that habit of yours of calling people with affectionate call signs. Thankfully, Max seems to have not noticed it.
“For coming here.”
You shrug.
“I only did what you did for me in 2021.”
Again, your breakup with Leo was bad bad. You spent a month crying for a love lost and Max was there for you. For the most part, at least. You want him to focus on winning and winning alone that you pushed him away a lot of times but you appreciated how he was more obedient to your commands, that he held his tongue so he wouldn't piss you off even though he was not liking your words, and that he was considerate of you.
“I hope you won't go into fights though,” you chuckle. “Like I did after my breakup.”
He smiles, shaking his head lightly and you know he's recalling the memory. 2021 is a hilarious year for you, the Red Bull manager. You went viral after getting into a cat fight with a girl and a whole fist fight with her boyfriend.
You and Leo called it quits a week before Monaco and even though it had been four races since then, your heart was still in a quite fragile state at that specific race weekend. One minor inconvenience was enough to ignite a wild blaze of fire within you and nobody could extinguish the flames.
After Silverstone FP1, you were leading Max to the cool down room to brief him with Horner’s relayed instructions and someone had thrown a glass bottle towards the both of you while walking. Originally, Max was the main target of the bottle but you happened to have moved towards the line of trajectory and the bottle landed on your temple, hard enough that you stumbled upon impact.
You barely heard Max’s shocked gasp and shout of panic over the sound of glass shattering on your foot because the only thing you could register was the terrifying feeling of a thick liquid trickling down the side of your face and you didn't even need to see it to know it was blood.
The only thing you saw was red and it was on fucking sight.
Fucking Hamilton fan. Fucking Hamilton. He’s in Max’s way. He’s in your way. He’s the wall that was dividing you from your dream position in the engineering team.
You shoved the iPad you were holding to Max’s hands and marched down to the woman wearing the Merc #44 merch, swiftly jumping over the barricade and grabbing her by the collar of her pristine white Versace top.
The events that followed were too fast. You grabbed her collar. She pulled your hair. You also pulled her hair. Someone pulled her away from you. You tried to grab her, clawing her bare arms with your manicured nails. She screamed. You screamed back. You pulled out some curse words in Spanish as well because cursing her in one language alone is not enough. Her boyfriend appeared. A quick punch to your cheek. You fell to the ground.
The world stood still. There was a sting on your palm because your skin got torn from the hard surface of the concrete ground. You let a bloodcurdling war cry and your Dad would definitely be disappointed at you for using the boxing techniques he taught you for self defense purposes only to fight a guy two times your size.
Everything was a bigger blur from there. But you did remember the sensation of Max’s strong arms around you, stopping you from lunging forward again. He was saying sweet words to your ear to calm you down but your brain failed to intercept them so you could hear the words, could hear his voice, but not understand any of it. You remember Christian Horner's disappointed face that haunted you even two years later. You remembered feeling so terrified as you sat outside Christian Horner’s office waiting for the final verdict while he and Max and a few of the Red Bull higher-ups argued about your future with the team. You remembered hearing Max’s loud snarl on the other side of the mahogany door: “Did you see her face?! There was blood everywhere! On her nose, on her mouth, on the fucking side of her head!” You remembered the girl taking the case to court. You remembered fearing that you’d be sent to jail. You remembered that she lost the case because it was ruled as self defense and your injuries were grave. You remembered discovering that it was Max who used all his power and got the best lawyer to fight your case. You remembered the atmosphere in the Red Bull garage shifting when you entered it a few weeks later and everyone stared the bandages and bruises. Everyone thought one thing: of course, it would also take a monster to manage a monster like Max Verstappen. You remembered Lewis Hamilton, seven-time world champion, apologizing personally for the fight caused by his own fan. He didn't need to but he was so sincere with it that you cried when he handed you the apology flowers. God, how could you even hate this man? Your anger towards him was misplaced.
You’d been living with the guilt ever since, that you were horrifyingly violent for a day, that you were capable of killing for a day. And it could happen again. One day. God, you hoped you wouldn't have to see that day. You knew all your coworkers have been careful with angering you ever since. They're terrified of you even. Max should be, too. But then again, why would he when he already saw the horrors done by his father’s hands ever since he was a child? He was used to it.
“I won't,” he says, smiling at you. “I wouldn't want to add anymore problems for you to clean up.”
But you will not be the one cleaning it up because you resigned. You didn’t tell that to him though. Not right now. He just had a meltdown over Kelly leaving him and the news of his manager leaving him too will destroy him.
The cheesecake is a little burnt when you take it out of the oven but it actually adds more flavor to it so yeah, that's a win.
“We should drink,” you suggest.
“It’s mid-afternoon.”
“We drank at mid-afternoon yesterday,” you give him a blank stare. “With Alex and Charles, remember?”
He doesn't say anything as you make your way to his fridge and pull out two bottles of beer. Max has champagne stored somewhere but you have enough of those expensive champagnes. You need beer. Beer is good. Beer is nice. You're a beer type of person and it is time Max becomes one, too.
“I’m no scientist,” you begin, biting off the beer’s bottle cap. “But according to chemistry, alcohol is solution.”
Well, technically, edible alcohol or ethanol is not a mixture. Rather, it's a pure substance that happens to be a liquid at room temperature and typical atmospheric pressure. Pure ethanol is not a solution. Hard spirits though? That's a solution.
Beer is not a hard spirit. It's more of a fermented drink. But Max doesn't know that, though, so you don't bother explaining the science behind it.
Somewhere down the road, the two of you move to his living room. You use the Youtube app in his TV to search karaoke video and have the bestest time of your lives. You're screaming along some Daddy Yankee and El Alfa songs and Max doesn't know how to speak Spanish so he’s just vibing to it.
At 5 PM, you pull out Max’s expensive vodka bottle. Now this is the real shit. The ten bottles of beer? Those are just pregame. Max is already drunk with just those because he’s a pussy but you’re no pussy, so the only right answer is vodka! Viva la vodka or whatever.
Your throat gets tired of singing and Max gets tired from dancing, too, so you both decide to just go entertain yourselves in other ways. First, you introduced Max to beer-pong. He loses, of course. He sucks at everything not racing. Then, the two of you move onto chess. Max gives up mid-game. He cannot understand the rules. Then, lastly, you move to the billiard table Max owned. He only used it when the other guys are over and you do not even know why he bought it when he sucked at playing billiards.
“You know what Kelly said the morning before the race?” Max suddenly says and you look up at him, brow raising slightly. He’s drunk; his skin is flushed and he is all giggly and smile-y as he sits on the billiard table’s side rail and using the billiard stick as some sort of support stand to keep him from falling. You hope he won't accidentally poke himself. You're no better, too. Ten beer bottles and a few glasses of vodka. But you’re not as drunk as Max, and you still have a straight vision and you can still sink the colored balls into the pockets of the billiard table.
“Hm?”
“That it was unfair for her.”
You raise a questioning brow, “Why?”
“I bought shoes and they don't fit her.”
You blink. He laughs at himself as if he has uttered the funniest joke in the world.
“Three years of relationship gone because of a single pair of shoes,” he continues. “She wanted those shoes, too.”
Kelly….what the fuck?
“But that's okay. She….She made me open my eyes, you know? She made me realize what I truly love.”
“Racing.” It's not even a question. It's the truth.
Max stares at you, long and hard, and you look away first because you fear that if you allow yourself to stare too long, you’ll drown in those beautiful blues. This is enough heartache for the day. No need to add more.
“Hey [Name],” he begins. “If I asked you to kiss me, would you do it?”
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amazeingartist · 5 months
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ghostsoap with pet names
(sharing some thoughts here)
soap and ghost are together but it barely changes their dynamic, still act like typical military dudes just maybe a bit more touchy then most, anyway I can imagine like. there being an unspoken thing with pet names and proper terms of endearment and so they don't have any.
they're big men they can't just call each other babe or sweetie and whatnot, they prefer to give each other shit anyways so what's the point in it you know? it's just not how they function as a couple
well it is until the whole squad comes back exhausted and sleep deprived out of their minds that ghost lets slip a "love" in regards to soap, who, the little shit, starts tiredly teasing ghost saying "oh yes dear, honey, light of my life, bugaboo" and just going on and on and on
ghost obviously tells him to stfu and it's a funny moment but soap doesn't let go of the slip up just yet and proceeds to acknowledge ghost with a bunch of term of endearment to over next couple days
no one outside the 141 knows they're actually together, so when they hear soap call ghost "dearest" they all just think soap's just being an cheeky insubordinate ass to his superior (which is nothing new) and think nothing of it
over the course of 3 days the joke stops being a joke and both end up coming around to the idea of pet names, but like hell are either of them will just admit it. So on the morning of the 4th day, wrapped up together in ghost's room it gets brought up
ghost's trying, although not all that hard, to untangle himself from soap while soap is complaining for 10 more minutes. ghost's second alarm starts going off which means it's really time to get up and ghost pries soap off him
ghost's about to get off the bed when soap holds his wrist muttering "start's at 0700, price doesn't need ya yet love, stay"
which has ghost smirking, leaning back over to kiss soap's temple,
"careful johnny, might think you're saying it for real this time"
"and what if I am, got a problem with it"
"not at all sweetheart"
and now they use a few pet names here and there, mostly in private but occasionally in the open too. it's not enough for price to speak to the both of them and beside, everyone else thinks it's a bit so
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heartfullofleeches · 2 months
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Consider Remmy with a borrower darling. They found one of his doll houses and take the real food from inside for their own dinners and eventually leave him a 'thank you' note despite it being against the rules.
Maybe Remmy thinks his dolls have come to life. Maybe they find out about their new little borrower friend. All he knows is that he finally has someone who enjoys his cooking, enjoys his art, and enjoys his care (as far as he's concerned)
They knew they shouldn't have taken a thing.
The more they borrowed from him, the more questions would run rampant in the mind of the human living in that room. He seemed a little strange a first glance, but relatively harmless over all. It was quick for the tiny person to see he carried more about his dolls and the houses they lived in than himself - sacrificing hours of his day to tend for them, barely leaving any for himself. New clothing, fully functioning appliances, freash food. He worked so hard on everything - it was such a shame to see the real dishes he made for his dolls go to waste. Portions of that size weren't much to a human, but to the borrower it was a feast.
Borrower Darling allows curiosity and their hunger to take control as they happily gorge on the food left behind by Remmy. It was unlike any of the crumbs or scraps of food they scrounged for before stumbling upon his home - leading them to wolf down the entire meal leaving nothing to take back with them. Exhausted from their travels and all the food they stuffed themselves with, Borrower Darling decides to take a nap in one of the bed Remmy sit up for his dolls. It was like sleeping on a cloud. What was supposed to be a quick nap had them in an almost comatose state until the next morning. Remmy wakes up bright and early every day to clean the dollhouse table of the meals he provided the previous evening. His surprise upon finding the table to be empty was stark, but it was nothing compared to the love he felt at first sight of the small human next to his most precious doll.
Another doll? No, the blankets moving in time with each of Darling's breathes proved it if their features weren't proof enough. Like a little angel.... Remmy pinched himself several times to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He feared taking his eyes off them as if they'd vanished into thin air the second he looked away, but - what if they're hungry when they wake up? He isn't sure when they snuck into his home, but it had to be sometime last night - meaning it's been some time since last ate. How did the poor thing feed themselves before they came across his home?
Remmy quietly leaves the room, making quick work of cooking something else for darling to enjoy. He places the food in the dollhouse before going back to bed as if he hadn't seen a thing - setting up his phone atop his bookshelf at the perfect angle to peer into the kitchen windows. He wouldn't want to frightened Darling, considering how hard they tried to make themselves invisible hiding beneath the doll and the bed's sheets to go unnoticed. He faces the wall as his excited gets the best of him, gripping his pillows for dear life to keep himself from leaping out of bed at the wrong time.
Darling is awoken by the aroma of a fresh meal. Sunlight blinds them as it reflects from the mirror within the bedroom they're in. How long had they been asleep?.... Had that human noticed them? All that food they ate last night - yet their stomach howls for them to find out what was waiting in the kitchen. Peering out the windows, Remmy still seemed to be asleep. They hurried downstairs, making quick work of the dish while being mindful enough to take some back with them. Guilt sets in as it finally crosses their mind that they've eaten all the food Remmy has left out for his dolls - not them. They remembered spotting a crayon and notepad in one of the upper room floors. Right next to the bedroom they'd slept. The room where he favorite doll was put to rest every evening.
"Thank you, Remmy <3 All your love and hard work has brought me to live! I'm too shy to move while you're awake, but I'm watching over you every night.
<3, Maribelle."
The note was enough to bring Remmy to tears. Maribelle was the first doll his grandmother ever gave him. Darling must've heard her name as he told her and the rest of his dolls how much he loved them. How long had they been scurrying around his home? He hasn't proofed the rest of the house for them yet! More tears doll as he watches the recording of Darling dragging Maribelle to the kitchen table, tucking the note beneath her folded arms before making their escape out the nearest window.
He super glued it shut that same afternoon.
It wasn't to keep them out or to trap them inside. What if it falls on them while they're leaving? He seals off a few more windows and adds some frences to the fireplace so they can't crawl out that way either. It's only for their safety. The front door will be wide open for whenever they return. From his memory and the video tape maybe he could even tailor some of the clothing he made for his dolls to fit them. He'll spruce up the furniture as well, and maybe add a few more house plants so Darling can really feel at home. He'll make everything absolutely perfect for them. They already appreciate this much from him. If he does everything just right they'll never want to step foot out of his home again.....
A guy could dream...and maybe with enough dreaming all his wishes will come true.
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livelaughlaios · 16 days
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I think one of the things Dungeon Meshi is definitely about is how different people deal with being an outsider/marginalised/neurodivergent/what have you and basically what im getting at is that Kabru is TEXTBOOK "high functioning [insert diagnosis here]". Its that how they say it still? Don't care.
Basically. This man shows up and you listens to him talk and see how his party treats him and you think. Oh this is a cool guy who has his shit together. And then after like two pages you find out that he has constant flashbacks to Utaya that make him completely freeze, anxiety attacks, thought spirals, is incapable of analyzing his own feelings, is a stuttering mess when the stakes are high, has never done a chore in his life, keeps putting himself in triggering situations and re-traumatising himself, and the icing on the cake is when you read the extra material and it turns out he regularly forgets to eat and lives in a depression nest of dirty clothes and self-medicates insomnia with alcohol and also is 22. Which also kind of puts Misilril not wanting to let him go in another light - yeah for sure she's controlling and infantilising and also its not like she was really helping his issues but also she was not entirely wrong in her judgement. This man does NOT know how to take care of himself. He knows how to do the bare minimum so when he shows up at work the next day he can fool his coworkers into thinking hes got it together enough. For a bit.
He is DEEPLY unwell and he knows it but he is carried by the desperate wish to avoid another catastrophe. If he stops for a moment he KNOWS he'll collapse so he doesn't.
I also think this is why him acting nurse to Mithrun is such an important part of his arc. Its like. This person who has spent all of his adult life focused on a single objective disregarding everything else is faced with what happens when you do that for too long. And the result is a wet tissue of a creature who looks like he doesn't know where he is most of the time.
He is a man on the brink. I have no doubt he felt relieved when he decided he could trust Laios - not even in a Labru way, straight up because he knew he could not keep going like this.
But also like. Of all the characters in the manga, I think Senshi and Kabru are the most lonely ones. Except Senshi seems to be OK with solitude - for sure it's not entirely healthy to be alone for as long as he was but he definitely did well enough. He is very good at taking care of himself. Meanwhile Kabru *knows* a lot of people but can you really say he has friends? Rin, maybe, arguably, but even she does not seem to truly know him, you know? He keeps himself hidden from everyone. I think the only time we see him entirely honest is when he says to Laios that he wanted to be his friend, and hes so shocked when it comes out, you can tell he did not mean to say it. And differently from Senshi, he does NOT fare well alone. He likes people, he needs people. Again compare with Mithrun - he has like a squad of people taking care of him. If Kabru had a breakdown of that size can you say his party would go out of its way to help? Im not sure. Not because they're bad people, but because he's simply not that intimate with any of them.
Idk man it just struck me all of a sudden. Laios is weird and offputting and doesn't care about other humans the way Kabru does and YET he is infinitely more successful at building deep, meaningful relationships and taking care of himself as well. I think this is part of why Kabru is so fascinated with him as well. He can tell Laios has something he doesn't have. Wait this is turning into a whole another post I'll write this next time.
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pitchblackespresso · 12 days
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I feel like I'm on r/OffMyChest, but there's something I've been meaning to say for some time
I dislike the Zonai
Their execution was lackluster (there's some interesting stuff, but the environmental storytelling is too sparse and inconsistent for any sort of coherent theory-crafting), but what I despise the most is how they're retroactively shoehorned into botw's worldbuilding
The Sheikah tech ? Heavily implied to be a derivative of the Much Superior Zonai tech
Hyrule Castle? Was built to honour Rauru's sacrifice
Calamity Ganon? Leaked gloom-turned-malice from dehydrated Ganondorf's seal
Temple of Time? The ~original~ was Zonai-made
Typhlo Ruins? Actually Hylian made, but to honour the great King Rauru (again)
Rauru himself is Zelda's ancestor (and implied source of her sealing powers, retconning the Triforce)
The Forgotten Temple? Also Zonai and used by King Rauru to hide the Secret Stones
Ancient Hero? Some kinda Zonai hybrid creature
This narrative of "everything was the Zonai/Rauru all along" is one I don't vibe with, because not only does it give inconsistent backstory to things that didn't need it, but they then left us with more questions than answers due to just how little we actually know about the Zonai.
I also wanna mention how much I dislike the Gacha machines that dispense the complete eyesore that are the Zonai devices. They're a fun enough gameplay concept (tho I don't personally like it), but it makes no sense how you get functioning hydrants or rockets out of gachapons. The Sheikah tech was given ample backstory, and clashed with Hyrule's otherwise rugged wilderness for thematic reasons. The Zonai tech is just kind of an ugly reminder that this is a videogame, and that you get these pre-made devices because the devs wanted to make a sandbox, regardless of whether it fits in this medieval high fantasy setting with serious undertones and environmental storytelling. And since they're branded as Zonai-made, they add to my discontent with the Zonai
I love this game, and it's done so much right (even tho some people might say otherwise), but I cannot bring myself to enjoy much of anything related to the Zonai, which, despite being barely in the game, play a huge role in the story, environment and worldbuilding
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spite-and-waffles · 1 year
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I always wonder whether Batfam fans really get just how fucking rich the Waynes are. Like of course we shy away from thinking about the fact that we're talking Musk and Bezos money, and focus on how Bruce funds the freaking Watchtower and has what is functionally a high-tech military base and lab and the world's most expensive vehicles. But this is the one time you don't have to factor in the implications of wealth-hoarding, so there's nothing preventing y'all from understanding exactly how much money we're talking about here.
For instance, there doesn't seem to be any concept of how palatial Wayne Manor is, simply going by the outer facades of it that appear in the comics and movies. Or how decadent the lifestyles that accompany that kind of ancestral home. Alfred couldn't run that place on his own even if he had super powers, which is why even the movies occasionally show a rotating probably-temporary staff in the background. The house probably has like 3 hundred-foot pools. Their garden is a protected heritage park.
The Waynes are 10x richer than Crazy Rich Asians. They buy and wear the jewelry worth hundreds of millions that belonged to royalty. They own private islands. The art in the house alone is worth more than the GDP of a small country. They went to school with like every US President since Teddy Roosevelt and still think the Rockefellers are new money. They're personal friends with Beyonce and can get her to perform at private parties. They can rent out an entire three-star Michelin restaurant and fly out to one for every date. They have top-line penthouse apartments in every major city in the world. They can buy a luxury sportscar instead of hiring a vehicle anywhere they visit and then just toss the keys to the nearest person on their way out (Arab royalty is known for this appearently. There's been some very lucky parking valets in the UAE iirc).
Bruce is as rich as Ra's Al Ghul, regularly make social calls to heads of state and his family has a history of being king-makers. Every one of Bruce's children, from Dick to Jason to Cass, is poised to inherit one of the largest and most powerful empires in the world. That means every time Bruce adopts an orphan off god-knows-where, the entire global elite is thrown into consternation and horror. Even Tim is barely acceptable to these people because he doesn't have the pedigree. I don't follow the reboot comics so Idk if Duke is adopted, but it would be so fucking funny if he was because they'd react a lot like the British establishment did to Meghan Markle (except the family and WE would have Duke's back completely). As for Damian, the fact that he's not white would get him snubbed if everyone who's anyone didn't 100% know who Ra's Al Ghul is. And they're fucking terrified because, for maximum hilarity, they probably figure that Bruce doesn't.
I just find it incredibly fucking funny when I'm reading fics that the writers can only imagine Bruce and the kids's civilian privileges extend only to "big house", "a lot of cars" and "Gotham famous". Lol. Lmao even.
...
Edit: Explanation for people justifiably skeptical that Bruce could be rich as Ra's (scroll down)
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suzukiblu · 6 months
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Day five of fic NaNoWriMo; obligatory sugar daddy Tim/sugar baby Kon AU.
The Superboy problem is a problem, but it's a backburner problem. There isn't really much Tim can do about it, after all. Bruce isn't gonna accept "hey so I know secret identities and maintaining the Bat-mystique and everything but could you just like . . . take in an extremely high-profile teenage superhero with no vested interest in maintaining any kind of secret identity of his own, maybe?" as a plan. Tim needs something better. Something more functional. And also something Kon will actually go for.
And there's just no way that Tim can just walk up to a notoriously independent and proud and defensive teammate who barely considers him an acquaintance and say "do you want an apartment and monthly living expenses and maybe also an allowance, no strings attached?"
That would be weird, definitely.
Like. Very definitely.
Tim's still tempted to try it, mind. It's not like he couldn't afford it, with a little bit of abuse of his trust fund and a lot of lying to his dad. And really, would that even be an abuse? If helping his teammate live his fucking life outside of a fucking lab counts as an abuse . . .
Well, maybe he really will move up his supervillain timeline, that's all.
But it's a backburner problem, still, and Tim isn't actually thinking about it at all when his best chance to solve it pops up. What Tim is doing is suffering through a field trip to a Metropolis art museum, because the school board is full of cowards and thinks sending his grade to an outside-Gotham museum will decrease the chances of said field trip being interrupted by a museum robbery.
Obviously it will, but come on, they're from Gotham. Like they can't handle a museum robbery.
Also all the art here is pretentious. Like, in obnoxious Metropolis-type ways.
If Tim has to look at one more stylized interpretation of the sun reflecting on a skyscraper while a "subtle" caped figure flies by in the background, he will actually choke. Like literally, actually choke.
Get one original thought. Please. Someone. Anyone.
(No, the stylized interpretations of the moon reflecting on a Gothic building while a subtle caped figure looms among the gargoyles are not equally uncreative, thank you very much. At least duplicating Gotham architecture involves some actual artistry beyond "paint a few straight lines and add a lens flare".)
Tim takes some half-assed notes about the boringly generic exhibit they're here to see and then goes looking for literally anything more interesting than said exhibit. There's got to be some photography somewhere in this place, right? Or at least some loaner art that somebody outside of Metropolis put together before Superman's public debut. Or something.
He ends up in the ancient Mesopotamian exhibit mostly by trying to avoid people and, unfortunately, immediately runs straight into a magical artifact. He doesn't actually know it's magic at the time, but the assholes who are about to blow in an outside wall in pursuit of it sure do.
Tim, unfortunately oblivious to phenomenal cosmic power in clay form, thinks it looks kind of like a cute little toy goat and is just grateful it isn't another skyscraper.
Then the wall gets blown in.
"The school board deserves this," Tim mutters, closing his notebook and sticking it back in his bag because sure, why not. This might as well happen.
Ugh.
The very obvious thieves rush in through the gap in the wall. A few people scream–Tim assumes to be polite, since this is already the most unimpressive museum robbery he's seen in months–and the civilians scatter as the guards rush forward. Tim wonders why anyone's even bothering, given that this is Metropolis. What, are they worried the thieves aren't gonna validate their parking for them?
Seriously, Tim knows all the robbery statistics in this city. Even when Superman doesn't show up, the injury and fatality rates are shockingly low. It's statistically more dangerous to go for a walk in Gotham Park mid-afternoon than it is to be present for an armed robbery in Metropolis.
Which is funny, considering the people doing armed robberies in Metropolis come armed for Superman.
Look, Tim doesn't understand the statistics, he just records them.
The thieves tie up the guards first, which seems like a waste of time to Tim when time is of the essence but probably will be for the best if they get pinned down in the gallery, he supposes. Then again, that'd likely end up in a hostage situation anyway, so why worry about containing a couple of unarmed guards over saving thirty seconds when you're doing a smash and grab?
Seems inefficient to him, considering.
He keeps assessing the situation and taking mental notes as he ushers various classmates and museum-goers towards comparative safety, since a successful supervillain timeline requires appropriate research and development. And also, Metropolis-based criminals should know how to work around Superman, at least in theory, so it's best to keep an eye on what does and doesn't work for them.
Not for any specific reason, obviously.
Definitely not.
One of the thieves goes for the little clay goat, smashing its glass display case with their armored elbow, and only then do the museum alarms start screaming. Seems like a stupid design choice when an exploding wall doesn't set them off, but whatever, at least there are alarms.
Honestly, if it were him, Tim would have a silent alarm and a secondary alarm set to a specifically Superman-discernable frequency, though he's sure Superman would get sick of that quick in non-life-threatening situations, so maybe there are local regulations about that or something, who knows. He should look into that, actually. Or just play something annoying on a frequency normal human hearing can’t discern and see what happens, if nothing else.
They make sonic fences to keep dogs in and teenagers out, don't they? Same theory.
The thieves are all yelling orders to each other and arguing; no clear chain of command and a poorly-established plan, Tim notes. Most of the civilians are clear or behind cover, so if he just–
Right, Tim remembers belatedly as one of the thieves makes a grab for him. He's currently wearing civilian wear, isn't he.
That probably means he needs to let this incredibly clumsy grab work, doesn't it, he reflects resignedly. Definitely it does, actually.
Ugh.
Tim, dubiously, lets the thief grab him and debates how upset he's supposed to look about this situation. A Gothamite can't look too freaked out over a Metropolis criminal, obviously; he'd never live it down at school. Seriously, is this guy even armed, he–
Ah, never mind. Definitely armed.
And an idiot with no concept of trigger safety, judging by the way he's holding the gun he's currently jamming into Tim's temple.
Great. Just great.
What does this moron even think he's doing, anyway? The guards are all tied up, as far as he knows there's no superheroes on scene, and nobody's actually trying to stop them. If he accidentally murders a civilian right now, they're all going to be in way, way worse trouble than just stealing a little clay goat would entail.
Tim resists the urge to point that out since there is, again, a gun to his head right now and the person holding it there is in fact a moron with no concept of trigger safety. Not an ideal time to start a conversation, especially not to criticize said moron.
It's tempting, just again, not ideal.
"The fuck are you doing?!" one of the thieves yells to the one going to a really unnecessary amount of effort to drag Tim along. "You were supposed to grab a little kid for the hostage!"
"There's no little kids, Mark!" the thief holding Tim protests petulantly. "I'm doing my best here, man!"
"No names, asshole!" the apparent "Mark" yells back at him.
Tim is pretty sure these thieves are just not very good at crime in general. Or possibly just not very good at anything at all.
He starts calculating the best place to "trip" out of this guy's arms and "accidentally" elbow him in the dick–off-camera, obviously, he doesn't want to leave any footage for anyone to review later–and pretends to be a good little hostage in the meantime, if not a particularly cowed one. Again: Gothamite. He can't actually let it look like a Metropolis criminal did anything worse than mildly annoy him.
Okay, maybe like, Lex Luthor or Brainiac could get a Gothamite past "mildly annoyed", but not a half-assed handful of petty thieves with a shitty plan and an even shittier exit strategy. They would've been better off running in, grabbing what they wanted, and then just scattering; even Superman can't be everywhere at once, especially if the thieves all blended into the crowd or had a couple of getaway cars waiting or something similar. Multiple targets, it'd be easy for him to miss the right one until it was too late.
That would require actual skill and planning and genuine forethought, though, which are very clearly not things this crew has bothered with either developing in themselves or outsourcing to someone competent.
Tim is going to be so fucking embarrassed if he dies to a low-level Metropolis criminal's craptastic trigger discipline. At least the Joker got Jason. There was a plan and actual malicious intent there, and also intentional targeting of specifically him. Tim has apparently just been tagged as "person who looks easiest to hold hostage", which he guesses he could take as a good sign for his acting abilities but honestly is more likely just this guy being a fucking dumbass with less brains than a mummified limpet.
God, imagine what his classmates would put in the yearbook if he died on a Metropolis field trip, too. Actually, no, never mind, he doesn't even want to think about it. Too fucking mortifying a possibility.
The thief drags Tim closer to suitable "tripping" territory, Tim debates how hard he can elbow him and still claim it was accidental, and somebody says, "Are you fucking serious, man?"
Somebody, specifically, is Kon. He's standing in the middle of the hole in the wall in the full leather jacket and S-shield combo, hands on his hips and expression exasperated. Tim has a weird, irrational moment of thinking he actually recognizes him and wants to know how he fucked up this bad, but Kon's eyeing the thieves, not him.
"You know I'm gonna get blamed for this, right," Kon says, gesturing meaningfully at the smashed-in wall. "I always get blamed for the property damage."
"Back off or I'll shoot!" the thief holding Tim yells, jamming the barrel of his gun annoyingly hard into his temple.
"Does 'faster than a speeding bullet' mean nothing to you people?" Kon asks, tilting his head just enough to make it obvious that he's rolling his eyes exaggeratedly.
"Superman is faster than a speeding bullet," another thief snaps. "Not you, you shitty little poser."
"I mean, you could try testing me and then get attempted murder on your crime bingo cards for absolutely zero reason," Kon suggests conversationally, smirking in amusement. "Security cameras still running in here?"
Tim guesses he's saved, technically, but this definitely means he can never tell Young Justice his secret identity, because if Kon recognizes him he will never, ever let him live this down.
Also, everybody at school is going to give him so much shit for getting saved by a Super.
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wordstome · 6 months
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I am having a goddamn nightmare of a time writing the university au (mostly because I have a shit ton of work to do…for my university…lol) so have some headcanons about the most toxic couple you’ve ever met. mdni under the cut
They’re like the definition of a situationship. They’re dating in every aspect except by name
At first she does try to sleep with other guys like she did before König but that doesn’t last long, because nobody else is as good as him. She will never admit this outside of the bedroom
Meanwhile he literally calls her his girlfriend behind her back
She’s emotionally unavailable toxic, he’s obsessive and possessive toxic
König enjoys the pursuit and just thinks it’s normal for women to be difficult like this. I would say “poor König” but he has a bad habit of picking her up and carrying her places against her will so he’s not that poor
She likes to tell herself she has no attachment to him, but she loves the ego boost he gives her by acting like a lovestruck puppy and following her everywhere. She’s also secretly into him being controlling
She does have her moments of genuinely caring about him, though. She brought him lunch once and he looked at her like she hung the moon the whole day. Her excuse was that she just happened to get/make an extra portion, but she did, in fact, get him a portion on purpose
She basically lives with him after a certain point. Her roommates barely see her anymore since she only comes and goes from her old place to get things. He constantly threatens to change the locks on her, but they both know it’s an empty threat. He much prefers to punish her in sexy ways
She'll just be minding her own business talking to a classmate or perhaps flirting with someone when König will come up behind her and put his arms around her. If she was just talking to someone she'll pat his face before attempting to shoo him off. If she was flirting with someone, she wrenches him off her and storms off in a huff (whoever she was talking to has definitely fled from König's evil eye by that point)
They don't really fight, they just have spats because König is endlessly amused by her anger and she is unable to stay mad at him for long. The one time they had a real fight was nasty, and they didn't talk for days afterwards
She's usually quite a chill, go with the flow person (because if she allowed herself too much stress or anxiety at once it would destroy her), but König brings out the spitfire in her
In equal measure, König is a bit of the shy and quiet giant type, but she brings out the brat tamer in him. They alternate balancing each other out
It's kind of easy to look at them and go "why are they still doing this to themselves" but when they get along (i.e. he's behaving himself and she's not pretending not to know him) they're as functional as any other couple
This definitely goes without saying: the nastiest most bed-breaking sex. They fuck like they’re trying to murder each other
I know it's a pet peeve of many people when they say the reader is ooooo so small and delicate next to the cod men, and I tend to agree. However, unless you are also nearly seven feet tall and built like an olympic swimmer, I'm just gonna say you're smaller than König
That being said, he LOVES using his size against her. Picking her up, bending her over things, bending her in half (mating press, his beloved)
If he wants her to stay, she'll stay. He'll have one hand on her throat pinning her down, the other keeping her open to slam into her
This brat will look him dead in the eye and ask "is that all you've got?", which obviously makes him lose his mind in the best way
She definitely has more experience than he does, which actually works out in his favor: him getting better at fucking really just means he's getting better at fucking her
They're so goddamn nasty they've definitely fucked in semi-public places because she teased him to the point of madness and he popped a boner so hard it was painful
Oh, the dirty talk. König is such a gentleman outside of the bedroom, but the degradation that comes out of him while he's fucking her is toe-curling. A lot of "nobody else can fuck you like this" and "all you're good for is taking me in your tight little hole"
He growls??? I don't know if y'all have heard his voicelines in German but he snarls at her when he's trying to teach her a lesson and it turns her into putty
This post is dedicated to @kneelingshadowsalome, who is waiting for this fic so patiently and is my shining beacon of motivation at this point lol
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eldritch-spouse · 9 months
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Prevarication
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[Reader can be assumed neutral.]
TW: Body image issues; Yandere.
Hudd sits quietly in your vacant room.
He's not meant to be here, of course.
He has better things to do, now more than ever. This is utterly beneath him, every aspect of it.
In fact, ever since he met you, the historian has been tumbling down a flight of endless stairs leading him to an abyss of ruthless indignity. Truly, the demonoid believes that, if he doesn't miraculously find his footing amidst each painful tumble, it will only end with his pride shattered in a million microscopic pieces.
What's left of it anyway…
Hudsyn knew he didn't have much to begin with by the time he approached you. Because who even approaches a human for help? They're such helpless creatures on their own, almost entirely devoid of use in most situations. Stupid. Pointless. Active sophists, denialists, mendacious, perverters of truth-
It was a fool's gamble.
And Hudd tried before, past the wounds of people calling him insane at every turn, he tried to keep his chin up and hope that someone of minimal value would open their eyes, come to see that he pursues nothing but the most noble of goals.
Hope is fleeting however. He supposes he was also bankrupt on that by the time he had ventured to the surface. The surface… As much as it is filled with wondrous sites to explore, it's also deeply bothersome with its intense daylight. Days in Hell are a lot less visually stressful. Probably because there's no standard sun around the annexes, only magical imitations of a day cycle- Meaning the light Perdition inhabitants are exposed to is a lot less intense than raw sun rays. Past the shock of it, Hudsyn has to keep an even closer look on his robes, because it's hard to project facial features when a more potent source of light drowns out his own.
And, frankly, he looks garish enough, the last thing the demon needs is to look totally faceless to strangers.
Nevertheless, in retrospect, if Hudd had to guess what led him to you, it was probably a combo of hopelessness, physical stress, lack of self-respect… And, naturally, your vapid musing out loud.
He wanted to believe, desperately, for a second, that someone actually gave half as much of a shit as he did. In that moment, it didn't matter if you were human, demon, gargoyle- Fuck, you could have been a barely strung together ghoul, he would have still sprinted and sat beside you like a fumbling buffoon.
He regrets that day so much.
For fuck's sake, he's talking about it like it happened years ago when it hasn't even been a measly week… So why does it feel like Hudd's known you forever?
Sure, you said a few weird things to him that kind of put the historian at edge, you're a little weirdo, he has to concede, but you're what he's been desperately craving for all this time. A pair of functioning ears with a decently working brain between them- Someone who respects him! Who cares, who's minimally knowledgeable, critical of everything that's taken as gospel or, at the very least, willing to learn better. Willing to understand that his time is valuable and his findings even more so.
You're a gem.
Hudsyn knows he disappeared on you the day you met. And even if what you did weirded him out, on its own it wouldn't be enough to make him leave. He's seen weirder people with much less harmless quirks. No, he was nervous then. Anxious. He needed to leave sooner or later, because there was too much on his mind.
There's always too much on his mind.
But that was a different type of information. One Hudd couldn't neatly file away in organized categories, picking and plucking and flipping at it to crack secrets out. That was personal, deep, hit him in places he didn't really know how to handle. It was chaos. You made him feel chaotic, impulsive and intense in ways that had exactly zero in common with the hysteria he can sometimes fall into in the midst of his work.
It took mountains of effort for the demonoid not to reach out and touch you. In fact, he had been trying to put space between you all that time to keep himself grounded, even when you seemed receptive to more contact, when you tried to start flirting, for whatever reason. Why would you flirt with him? In truth, Hudsyn just wanted to feel your hair. He wanted to touch your cheek and place your hand in yours. It's small. You're small. Small enough to hold, he's sure of it. He would have liked to. Maybe kiss you. His mouth… Well, you wouldn't enjoy it.
Point is, you remind him of how lonely he is. Sure, better alone than with bad company, but now that he's met someone whose company is not just tolerable but enjoyable, he doesn't really want to be apart from you anymore. It's depressing.
Hudd knew what was happening to him by the time he got over his own shaking to seek you out again. He had deviated from his work just to speak with that little human again… He knew, he knew he was falling into something destructive- But he also had to, because if the demonoid didn't, then he'd just be thinking about you day and night in a rut, brain muddled and knotting itself into a ball.
He doesn't regret it.
You were… So nice to him.
Offered him tea.
Said his eyes were pretty. You idiot, they're hardly eyes to begin with.
Said he was well-spoken.
Said he was cultured.
That you could listen to him for a whole day.
And his heart just fluttered so incredibly hard that Hudd could feel his fur stand on end. It wasn't the only thing that wanted to stand, given your choice of wardrobe, but that's beyond the matter.
Was that a date? Was that your first date? Sure, Hudsyn invited himself into your living space, but you reacted so well, you looked at him so enraptured by his speech… That was a date. Some kind of date. And it went very well. Enough so that he can feel himself smiling at the thought of repeating the experience.
He hopes you smile at the concept too.
As memories flood him, the historian feels himself shiver again. It's more of a rattle, the short fur on his form bristling with the sincerity of his emotions. Hudd wonders if you'd ever willingly invite him into your bedroom, or if he's just continuing to poke where he doesn't belong. He's always been good at that.
How different would that bizarre night have been if he had gotten over his own trance and said something bolder? If you had taken him by the hand, or even the horns, and led him to your bed? Which he coincidentally sits upon now.
Would you say you wanted him?
Maybe it's far-fetched, but Hudsyn likes to imagine you would. After all the rules he's broken and the punishments be carries, Hudd desperately wants to think you'd look at his body and call it beautiful. The same way you described his eyes. Or, at the very least, that you'd look past his blemishes and accept his affections.
He's not pretty like you.
He did look good before, but those days are gone, shelved, covered in dust and cobwebs and all the resentment his heart can hold- He hates beauty in others.
But it's tolerable in you. Because your beauty is the perfect type. The natural one. It shows in all parts of your human figure and he's sure the envious must burn to a crisp at the sight of you, the ones that can decipher that perfection for what it really is.
Hudsyn gets images of you sprawled on this very same bed, your hair disheveled and the same pajamas you wore that night slipping away from your soft skin. You don't care that it's revealing, don't care that you're teasing him, you're just that comfortable. He sees his own pale, bleached hands dragging the fabric down further, greedy for more- And his imagination is so vivid he swears he feels the heat of your skin on his knuckles, the pliant molding of your body as you stretch lazily and part your legs, giving him a view that-
Hudd groans.
His robes shift, and the fantasy dies immediately.
Because if you can't get over his blemishes then you'll certainly never come to accept his genitals. Just feeling his exterior protrusions -He doesn't know what to call them, they're not claspers or tendrils, but they move and swell- Pulse is a painful reminder that he's packing something very weird, and not just by human standards. You wouldn't want that. But that doesn't mean he can't fool himself.
By the time he feels his cock unfurl and poking at the top of his slit, the demonoid huffs, resigning himself to his self-inflicted predicament and lifting his robes out of the way. His dick emerges faster than ever before, probably because he's been in a dry spell for way too long- He likes to keep track of things, but as the years passed, Hudsyn grew a little too embarrassed to keep doing so in this regard.
It's a dark grayish member that curves firmly upwards, thin but long enough to make some men jealous. Hudd pulses, it's not a throb, he can see his own member contract and dilate as if he's going to lay something. But Hudsyn doesn't lay eggs. Maybe he was meant to, and something went wrong, he's not sure. He doesn't care. Beneath his strangely flexible dick, his clit perks and his pussy clenches, starting to make a mess of your sheets.
Yeah, a human might say he's uh- Kinda fucky.
Beyond his own self-awareness, the historian entertains the idea that you might, by a small miracle, react positively to his package. That you'd reach out, on your knees -Because really, that's a human's place in the end. Since the dawn of time, your race has been nothing but a toy- And use your mouth to show your appreciation towards Hudd. Because his time is valuable, and you're a generous little human, aren't you?
What part of him would you want first?
Maybe you'd go for his cock, he hums while looping a hand over his own length, tugging it leisurely from root to tapered tip, imagining it's your small hand, that you'd tongue at his end and try to take him into your throat- Failing, naturally. He's too much for most, but you'd keep attempting anyway, gagging and drooling viscerally, just to please him. Hudsyn shudders, panting in the quiet of your room.
Or, perhaps, you'd service his cunt. It's been so long since he's had anything inside him, your sweet tongue would do just fine, your fingers, your perfect unblemished digits curling into all those wonderful spots while you suck his clit and pump his cock and pop back just to moan how happy you are that he gave you the time of day-
Hudsyn makes a raspy croak of pleasure, arching on your bed like a slut in heat, eyes closed, one hand fisting his shaft furiously and the other filling his pussy. Who is he fucking kidding anymore? You could bend him over in two, he might almost beg for more.
It should be him thanking you.
For listening to him.
Finding him interesting.
Letting him converse with you even when he invaded your home.
Hudd needs to thank you for making sure his pride doesn't wilt completely. Beyond all his denial, all his mixed feelings, he knows that to be the truth.
He feels accomplished around you. Apt. Intelligent.
Wanted.
And fuck, he wants you ten times more. He wants his sweet mentee right at his side. Forever.
The image of you mouthing a tender "I love you" against his soaked cunt and moving up to kiss his length, lacing your hand with his, hits Hudd like lightning.
He doesn't know what shape he's contorting into, horns tearing into your poor sheets and that stump of a tail swatting around as his thighs flex and he orgasms harder than he could ever expect, snarling.
Thankfully, most of the monster's cum falls on his own stomach and robes, this pearly white mess that's going to matt his fur if he doesn't take care of it soon. Still, all Hudd's worried about is riding out the last of his high, fingers still pumping and dick twitching, oozing.
When Hudsyn's minimally coherent, he can only bask in his own shame, clarity chiding him. Mild panic rises in the demonoid's chest when he notices the very suspicious wet spots on your bed.
Fuck.
Now what?
The sound of keys turning has the historian almost squealing in distress.
Hudd jumps off your bed, still exposed and dripping and trembling with aftershocks. He strips his robes fully, crumples them into a gross ball, then throws them out your window.
Just before you can push the door to your bedroom open, he whimpers and vanishes into thin air.
It smells kinda funny in here.
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Temporary Relocation Prologue/Ch. 1
This fic is based on this drabble Basic premise: Reader got an experimental surgery and is being relocated to a military base with more specialized medical supplies to help recovery while on medical leave, and will temporarily help with missions to ensure success after.
It was some kind of new experimental technology. You were one of only a few hundred who had the privilege of getting the opportunity. When they'd called, you'd needed to request for the information to be mailed because there was so much of it. "Instinctual Prosthetics" was what they had decided to name the project. It was supposed to help military combatants, granting an animalistic advantage of some kind on the battlefield. They would synthesize physical attributes of the target animal, you couldn't wrap your head around how, and intertwine the prosthetics and artificial nerves with your body's existing nervous system. Most info beyond that was disclosed to you as "need-to-know," which told you literally nothing you felt you needed to know.
Nonetheless, you were too intrigued- and too attached to the payout you'd get for using yourself as an experiment vessel- to say no. That was how you ended up on a helicopter with a man who'd introduced himself to you as Captain John Price, with your newfound cat ears and tail still extremely sensitive to everything around them. Every time the aircraft jostled, you found yourself flinching, and every time the noise changed you wished you could press your ears to your head to make it stop. If only it wasn't too dangerous to take off those headphones, which had been specially made for you. You didn't even want to think about what the violent whirs of the overhead blades would sound like without the protection they gave.
"Touchdown in five," the pilot called back to the two of you. You barely registered it until you heard Captain Price giving a comment saying the pilot's communication went over. "This team won't be anything like what you're used to, soldier. Much more specialized, much better materials to handle your... unique recovery circumstances." The captain's explanation didn't do much to ease your nerves, but you found yourself nodding as though it did. As though it held any clues of what you'd see on Task Force 141's base. "The rest of the force should be meeting us when we land," he continued. "I expect you'll get acquainted with them over your time here." The words gained another absent nod from you. Until the heli touched down, you found your brain wandering to how this all happened in the first place.
"It's an experimental procedure," the woman over the phone explained. You could hear pages flipping in the background of her mic, "we're only offering it to a few hundred soldiers to see how it takes. There's a wide range of people who chose to go in already." Her explanation only served as further confusion.
"I... I still don't understand," you mumbled before taking a sip of your coffee, "why was I selected?" The line was tense with silence for what you wish was a small beat, before the woman sighed.
"I only know what I'm telling you, and I'm only allowed to tell you what I know." Her gentle tone was meant to be reassuring, but right then it was just pissing you off. You were going to potentially lose critical brain functions if this went wrong, and it was still on a need-to-know? Fucking government. "There is one upside, though," she spoke tentatively now, "since this is a voluntary experiment, they're offering you compensation."
"Compensation?" The word echoed off of your tongue almost as if it was alien. "I'm sorry, I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around all of this."
"I have permission to make exactly one hard copy of this information and mail it to you. Would you like me to file the request for it?"
"Yes, please."
It hadn't felt like too long since that phone call. It probably hadn't been, if you were willing to compare hours to seconds. It had only been a few weeks since you were wheeled out of the surgery room, informed of the expected enhancements with your balance and hearing, and then immediately told about the orders for your relocation. You'd be temporarily occupying the base of a specialized and extremely classified task force, one you were sure your own generals themselves had never heard of. A few weeks since that tail was surgically implanted at the back of your spine and connected to your main nerve pathways, a few weeks since the nurses and doctors taking care of you started looking at you funny when you covered your ears from things they couldn't hear.
The harsh jostle of the helicopter landing, and the ensuing pins and needles from your still sore tail, broke you out of your trance. You took a deep breath as you stood up and removed the headphones, flinching at the more detailed sounds you knew no one else could hear, and looked up to see Captain Price awaiting your company to exit the aircraft.
"Are you ready?" He asks.
Not at all, you think, but give a verbal, "affirmative, Captain." Price doesn't walk off of the helicopter until he sees you next to him, where a small group of men wait, presumably for the two of you, in a semicircle. "So... this is the team?" You ask quietly, awkwardly, before they've noticed you. Price chuckles to himself before calling out to the group.
"Soldiers," his voice carries over the now fading whirs of the helicopter, "meet our new temporary recruit. After the medical recovery period ends, you'll all be working together out on the field. I expect you all to make good use of the remaining leave time." Nobody had to ask to know what Price meant. You'd all be stopping bullets and bombs for each other soon enough, probably too soon. He wanted a team that knew how to work together.
"What's with the cat ears?" A rough British accent calls. Your eyes flick to the source, a tall and muscular man wearing a skull mask. Your peripherals catch everyone else's eyes immediately flying to the top of your head while you make brief eye contact with the man. Your breath catches in your throat when you open your mouth to respond.
"This is the experimental procedure you were briefed about," Price stated. "I expect you all to treat this like any other new recruit. If I hear of any issues, you will be dealing with Shepherd." A collective groan came from the group as Price walked towards a gathering of buildings. Who?
"Aye Ghost, don't want them to make you a kitty cat, eh? Ya might end up too cute to fight that way," another man, a Scotsman with striking blue eyes and a mohawk, commented.
"A word, sergeant MacTavish," the Brit barked before walking into a nearby building. The Scot followed him without asking questions. You just watched the two in a daze, not sure what to make of the scene.
"What was that?" The question came from your mouth carefully.
"Don't mind them," another man, the only one left now, spoke up. He had umber skin that looked smooth, not as big of a build as the Brit but you had no doubt just as strong. "The sergeant's probably getting his fair share for talking to the lieutenant like that." As he talked, you noted he's probably better for agility. He took a step towards you and held out his hand, "I'm Kyle Garrick, Gaz on the field."
"Y/n L/n," you took a step to close the gap and firmly shook his hand. "Nice to meet you Gaz! Who are the other two? The sergeant and you said the lieutenant?"
Gaz laughed a little, the smile staying as he spoke, "the angry one in the mask, the lieutenant, is Ghost, and the Scot you saw messing with him is my fellow sergeant. His name's Soap. Those two are always at each other's throats. Bet you'll get used to it as you stay here," he took a step back after letting go of your hand. Gaz was still smiling, "and I'm assuming you know Price. There's others, but they're out on assignments if they're not stuck in the medical quarters recovering."
"Well, in that case, mind showing me the medical quarters? I'm due for an initial check-up after my briefing on the team. Pretty sure you just gave that to me."
Gaz turned and waved you on from behind, "follow me!" He called. You jogged to catch up, looking around and taking every detail in while gazing at the structures around you. Brief explanations of barracks, small hangars, different quarters and offices, the main canteen building as you passed it, everything you needed to know about getting around the base and what you need. Eventually, a building just as plain as the rest of them save for a red cross came into view. The medical quarters, you regarded it with internal relief. Your ears and spine were starting to ache again.
You even forgot to thank Gaz as you hurried in, leaving him to laugh to himself. You were definitely something. The base- the force- was going to enjoy having you.
Read the next chapter here
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With All That I Am
Billy Russo x Female Reader
Part 7 of my Accidentally on Purpose Series
Warnings: Hospitals, injury recovery, cockwarming, oral (f receiving), angst, hurt/comfort.
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SIX MONTHS AGO
There's something about Dominic Saintclair that Billy had never liked.
He could never put his finger on it. Maybe it was the pretentiousness of his actions, the way he looked like he'd never had a hard day in his life, the lackadaisical way he treated things as if they were replaceable.
The way he didn't understand that the most valuable thing he had, was the one thing he was mistreating right now.
"I swear, she doesn't know when to leave me alone." Dominic says loudly in the opulent bar, a place that was more red velvet seats and accented gold ornaments than anything else. It was somewhere Billy brought the clients he could impress easily, ones that didn't understand what the best brand of gin for a negroni was, or that whiskey shouldn't be served with ice. It was simply a place that glittered, gorgeous on the surface with no real substance... or character... not unlike the man in question.
Billy looks down at Dominic's cloned phone. All you had said was that you hoped he was having fun. 
"Maybe you're just not fucking her enough." One of his friends joke.
"Oh fuck off. I fuck her more than enough, maybe that's why she's so needy." It gets a round of laughter from his friends, and a disgusted frown from Billy.
At the bar, only a few tables away, Billy's hand tightens on his glass of whiskey, his back is to the group, and he's positioned in a dark enough corner to be unnoticed while still being able to hear the conversation.
"Anyways, enough about that, finish telling me about the red head." Dominic says, and Billy is forced to listen to him talk about other women when he has the best one.
Billy thinks about how stupidly simple it would be to kill your boyfriend, but doing it now would create more problems. You wouldn't know how much of an asshole he really was, for starters, you'd probably convince yourself that you'd been deeply in love with him before his untimely death. People tended to put dead loved ones on a pedestal, forgiving them unless their crimes were truly heinous. 
No, you had to see Dominic for his true colours first. Then, and only then, he would wipe your stain of a boyfriend from the earth.
Billy listens to Dominic say some more vile things, fully understanding his hatred for the man now. Dominic was manipulative, showing you one face, and yet secretly thinking something else behind your back. With a frown, he scrolls through your older messages.
You always seemed to be reaching for him, supportive of the things he said. He never voiced his support for you in return. 
What a fucking waste of space. To have someone as precious as you, and to take you for granted.
If he had you... he'd worship you. Without a doubt, Billy would kiss every inch of your skin, kneel at your feet if you asked, kiss you at every waking moment.
When another text comes in from you, he smiles.
As predicted, you text a second time after you've seen his read receipts and no response has come in from your idiot boyfriend.
'Are you alright?' You text.
The corner of Billy's mouth lifts, he wishes you were sending texts like this to him.
Dominic responds.
'Yes. I'm fine. Stop bothering me.'
Billy's smile drops.
You don't respond, but you see the message. He knows that you're hurt by it.
Billy's thoughts go violent again.
Anonymously, Billy has bought round after round of shots for the men, until they're wasted, and their lips are loose and he can soak in all the information possible. He plots while he listens, and he learns so much, until he could pick apart any man there in his sleep.
Their numbers dwindle, until it's just two men there, and he waits patiently for Dominic to stand on inebriated feet and head off to the bathroom.
Billy knows that Dominic is barely functional right now, having taken shot after shot, Billy is aware that Dominic will not remember any bit of whatever is happening right now.
With that information, he texts Dominic's companion from the cloned phone.
'Feeling better now, ordered an Uber, you can go ahead without me.'
Billy watches his friend read the text, finish his drink and then leave.
Too easy.
Dominic is so far gone that when he returns to his seat, he barely notices that his friend's things are gone, and Billy acts fast to stop Dominic from realising that anything is amiss.
"Saintclair." Billy greets, whiskey in hand, looking around to make sure that no one is looking, "Drinking all by yourself?" 
Dominic looks up at Billy and squints.
"Mister Russo?"
Billy hums the affirmative.
"Got room for company?" The words are bitter in his mouth.
Billy doesn't wait for an answer, pushing the inebriated man deeper into the booth and sliding into the space next to him. He hates this place, literally just designed for showing off, he glances at Dominic, who's lost in his own head, staring at his drink.
Nothing this man was thinking could ever be worth your time.
He raises his hand to the bartender, calling for another round of shots.
Dominic only has time to adjust his body, from his slumped, hazy demeanour, to appear like someone with all their critical thinking skills functional.
Billy spikes the drink with a little bit of melatonin, it's more than enough at Dominic's current level of intoxication.
"Wasn't drinking by myself, but the rest of guys have already left." Dominic slurs, and Billy raises his eyebrows, extending the spiked shot to the already drunk man.
He gives Dominic the opportunity to decline the shot, doesn't force it into his hands, just holds it out expectantly and watches the younger man choose his own self-destruction.
He kind of delights in it, the anarchy he's capable of. Each person has a role to play and it's always nice when they do it as expected.
Dominic throws back the shot with him and internally, Billy begins his internal stopwatch.
"I hope the job's treating you well." Billy hums, uncaring of what the man next to him has to say. He just has to make small talk for fifteen minutes, before the drug kicks in.
Billy asks about some of his coworkers, and then his phone pings, alerting him to a message. 
"Clingy." Is all Dominic has to say, looking at his phone when Billy inquires casually.
His eyebrows raise, watching his employee yawn, the drug beginning to take effect.
"If you don't like her that much, then why are you with her?" Billy asks, trying to keep the anger out of his tone.
"Why not?" Is the last thing Dominic says before he slumps over onto the table, asleep.
Billy blinks, an angry sneer growing on his face. What a careless piece of shit. He reaches for Dominic's phone, unlocks it and opens your messages the way he's done a hundred times before.
'At least tell me you're okay.' You'd texted.
"Prick." Billy swears, typing out a message to you on Dominic's phone.
'I'm alright sweetness, just getting ready to go home.' After a moment, he sends another message.
'I'm sorry about that last message, you don't bother me.'
He finds himself smiling when your text bubbles appear almost immediately.
'That's alright! I understand that you probably just wanted some time with your friends.' You say.
You were so quick to forgive, it made Billy's heart sour with the thought that Dominic didn't deserve your forgiveness.
'How was your night?' He asks, smiling fondly when he gets a picture of you wearing a fluffy robe and face mask.
'Very pretty, baby.' He replies, which earns a little '😳' face in response.
How sweet you were, saccharine and sticky, Billy could find himself eating you up quite easily.
'I mean it. I think you're fucking gorgeous.'
It takes a moment to get your response.
'How much have you had to drink exactly?'
Billy grits his teeth, looking over at the unconscious fuck. He barely ever tells you how pretty you are. It's why you think he's drunk now.
'A bit, but that doesn't make it any less true. You are beautiful.'
You don't respond immediately, Billy spends five minutes refreshing Dominic's phone until he gets a very shy 'Thank you,' in response.
He smiles, pockets Dominic's phone.
"Time to get you home, Saintclair." He says to the unconscious man.
He gets someone from the bar to help him get Dominic into the back seat of his car, uncaring of how he's placed, thanking the larger man with a hefty tip before getting into his car.
'You didn't tell me what you did today.' He sends before driving off.
He hears several different message notifications while he drives, and he can't help smiling, because for once, you were finally talking to him, and not as a stranger, but as someone familiar.
It was much harder to get Dominic to his apartment due to the lack of help he'd had from earlier, yet Billy made do with tossing the unconscious man over his shoulder, and then putting him down when they were in the elevator.
Billy really could have left Dominic anywhere, at the bar, or at the front steps to his apartment, or even at the door, with his keys in hand to have him wake up there in the morning horrified that he was so drunk he couldn't even make it inside.
But Billy drops Dominic on his bed instead, after accidentally bumping his head on a few door frames, he decides that he'd keep the drunk asshole safe this time...for you.
After, Billy sits in Dominic's living room, and opens up his phone once more.
'Okay, this doesn't mean anything but I went to a jewellery store today. I was looking at earrings and then I couldn't help looking at the engagement rings.'
Oh? Billy thinks.
'They were all shiny and even though I like shiny, they didn't feel like me you know? I feel like if we ever... uhhhh.... you know.... get married, I'd want something more unique you know?'
'Hello? Are you there? Did I scare you off? This isn't me asking for a wedding, I'm just saying.'
'Dominic?'
Billy sucks in a breath.
'I'm here, sorry, just got home.' he replies, tries to ignore the pain inside of him that worsens with the thought of you getting married to anyone other than him.
'Oh... Hi' you respond.
Billy smiles.
'Hi, do you have any ideas of what you think might be for you?'
He can almost see your excitement.
'Are you sure? If this is weird, you can say so.'
How cute, the way you care.
'I'd really like to see them.' He answers.
You send a link, and indeed, they're beautiful and unique and Billy can't help the thoughts of wearing it, and having you wear the other.
'These are the ones I've always dreamed of.' you add on with the attached pictures.
He bites down on his bottom lip, closes his eyes, and imagines how perfect your hands would look linked together, decorated with matching rings. The thought makes him hard.
'They have to be custom ordered though, really expensive, I'm sure we can find something cheaper.'
Absolutely not.
'They're beautiful. Tell me your ring size so that I can surprise you.'
He makes note of it when you send it.
'I can't wait to marry you.' He says.
'Well now I know you really are drunk.' You respond.
Billy has a quick moment of realisation when he remembers that you think you're talking to Dominic.
His smile drops.
'I am drunk. But you're still the most amazing person on the planet. I think you might be it for me.' And Billy means it. He means every word. He plans to marry this sweet girl that waltzed her way into his life and believed in him after two conversations.
'I love you.' Comes your reply.
Billy smiles.
'I love you too.' 
He stays with you until you fall asleep, telling you all the sweet things he's ever wanted to say, dodging personal topics that he doesn't know the answers to. When you're finally asleep, he stands, checks the time, and goes back to Dominic's room, dropping his phone onto the bed beside his sleeping form.
Billy almost considers hitting him, enjoying the thought of giving him a black eye in the morning, but that had the possibility of scaring him into not drinking again, and Billy couldn't have that.
So he leaves, walks out of your boyfriend's apartment, and does not set it on fire like he wants to. 
.
NOW
You stare calmly at the elevator doors. The smell of hospital filling the air around you. In a way, there was an ease to it, a comfort in the sterile cleanliness, a place designed to turn chaos into order.
You sip on your coffee, feeling refreshed after popping back home for a quick shower and supplies for Billy. You didn't want to leave, but you knew you wouldn't be able to stay while the nurses changed his bandages, the wound too fresh to introduce any foreign bacteria. So you'd decided to make yourself useful in the meantime.
Frank was still here somewhere, waiting for you to return so that he could leave. You'd both had tentatively agreed that Billy should not be left alone under any circumstance, surprised that you and his best friend had been on a similar wavelength when it came to caring for him.
Frank's in the waiting room taking a call when you see him. He gives you a little nod, and a gesture of his head that tells you it's okay to go see him.
You do exactly that, making your way to the nurses' station to sign in before heading to his room.
You stop short when at the door, you hear the sound of female laughter. 
It's not laughter exactly, it's... giggling.
It's obviously flirtatious, in that pitch that's just too high to be normal.
You hear Billy's voice next, too far away to make out what he's saying but he sounds polite.
Followed by more giggling.
Pure jealousy rears its head. 
You had only been gone for an hour and someone had taken the opportunity to begin flirting with your husband? 
Something dark blooms inside you, and you take a deep breath, and walk through the doors with your head high.
Two pairs of eyes turn to look at you.
"I'm back." You say calmly, smiling.
Billy smiles at you, his hair askew in every direction as if he hasn't ever heard of a brush. It's adorable, makes him look so much more boyish than usual. Your eyes go to the young nurse, that's currently taking Billy's blood pressure, quietly sizing her up, deciding if she was worth any sort of trouble at all.
"Hey baby, did you get one of those for me?" He asks, referring to the cappuccino in your hands.
You look down at him, close enough to see the tiredness under his eyes although you know this is the most amount of sleep he's ever gotten.
"Sorry, doctor said no." You respond.
Billy lets out a pained groan, and you can't help it, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on his temple.
He sighs, reaching up to take your hand in his, you watch his eyes linger on your wedding ring.
"I was just explaining to Becca here how easy it was to ignore the pain for so long."
Becca?
Your eyebrows raise in amused displeasure.
"Yeah," she adds in with a wistful smile, "If he didn't pass out from the pain he probably wouldn't have gotten help in time."
Great, a reminder that you weren't there when he'd almost died. You're pretty sure that the only expression you show her is one of disdain.
'Careful,' you think maliciously in her direction, 'If he likes you enough he'll cage you like a bird.'
"How are his vitals?" You ask blankly, trying to get her out of here as soon as possible, ignoring the way Billy looks up at you in confusion at your clipped tone.
"They're uh, they're good! But-" She begins to say, but stops short and presses the back of her hand to Billy's forehead. You blink, clenching your teeth together. You're pretty sure this wasn't medically professional, and you suck in a slow breath to stop yourself from smacking her hand away from your husband.
"Are you feeling okay Bil- Mister Russo? Your heart rate is a bit high." she continues.
You glance up at her monitor in question, and sure enough the little number on screen next to the pulsing heart symbol was just a little above one hundred.
You knew that his heart shouldn't be going at near a hundred beats per minute if he was mostly stationary in bed.
Billy lets out a nervous laugh. You look down at him in confusion.
"Yean, that's- I'm fine- It's just... well... her." He explains, glancing up at you for a second.
Me? You think incredulously, blinking.
His heart is beating fast because you were near him?
Your anger dissolves as fast as it had appeared, stomach fluttering, you try to fight the smile pulling at your face but you inevitably fail.
He doesn't look up at you, so you grip his jaw, tilting his head up.
Absentmindedly, you're aware of the nurse excusing herself from the room.
You press your lips to his swiftly, delight spreading down your body when he groans against your mouth. You deepen the kiss and he accepts it eagerly.
After a moment, you pause, turning your head to look at the little monitor, His heart rate having gone up to one hundred and twenty.
"Still jealous?" he asks, with a cheeky smile.
You don't answer, leaning in to kiss him softly once more.
"Please." Billy begs.
"No." You whisper, bumping your nose against his, adjusting your body under the sheets so that you're both fully covered.
"Just a little bit." He tries to bargain.
"You move, and I'll stop. You cum, and I'll stop." 
He lets out a harsh breath.
"You're being really mean to me." He pouts.
"If you rip a stitch, I won't touch you until they come out."
He groans, frustrated.
Unable to resist, you clench around his cock.
"That's not fair." he gasps desperately.
"Sorry, this isn't entirely easy for me either."
Currently, you were both under his sheets, on your back, both legs draped over his hip, while he lies on his left side facing you. It was a position that had made it very easy for him to slip himself inside of you, allowing you to keep his cock warm. 
He swallows, looking at you with warm eyes.
"You feel so good around me. You know that?"
How was he allowed to say things like that while literally stretching you open? God, you could feel the tip of his cock nestled snugly in the very deepest parts of you, every inch of your cunt sighing in relief at finally being so full of him.
You feel yourself get smaller under his gaze, soft, gentle, unnameable in its unfamiliarity.
"If it feels half as good as it does for me, then yeah, I know." you reply easily.
He smiles, it causes butterflies to flutter in gentle circles within you.
"You're beautiful." he murmurs softly.
It's your turn to swallow and look away.
Your eyes are drawn to his bare chest, and the snake tattoo that resides on his shoulder. He could not be real with the way he made you feel, like all the air in the room had simply vanished by his command, held even further out of reach by the thickness of his cock sitting still inside you.
"You really mean that?" You ask, your insecurity gaining a foothold in your head.
He reaches for your left hand, raises it up to his face so that he can lay a swift kiss onto your wedding ring.
"I do." 
The door swinging open has your eyes widening from your shared spot under the sheets. Thankfully, you were still mostly clothed, where Billy was fully naked.
"Bill?" comes Frank's voice in question from his spot by the door.
Billy winks at you, before moving the sheet off your top halves to reveal you both to the open air.
"Hey Frank." Billy greets.
Frank takes one look at your positions and lets out a tired sigh.
"You two are fucking, aren't you?" The exasperated sound of his voice drawing a smile from you.
You can't help the laugh that leaves you, giving everything away. 
Frank's disappointed expression makes Billy laugh too.
"Alright. I'm walking out this door, I'll be back in five minutes, your pants better be on, Russo."
"Make it ten!" Billy shouts just as Frank gives another disappointed shake of his head, and leaves the room.
.
Clothed now, in long blue linen pants, Billy kisses your temple, one arm wrapped securely around you as you lie beside him.
"Thanks for being here with me." He says softly, his hands gripping onto any available part of you he could reach, anything to pull you closer to him.
"What? Is Frank not good enough company?" You tease, beginning to laugh when you feel the scratch of his beard as he kisses your throat.
"Frank is usually in the bed beside me." he says into your neck, and you laugh at the imagery.
"Plus," he says in a softer, more serious tone as he pulls away for a moment. You turn to look at him curiously.
"I've never had someone worry about me the way you do."
"Ever?" You ask.
He shakes his head, looks down.
You're not sure what he's thinking, but it looks like guilt, all soft lines and sadness and you ache to make him feel better.
You lean forward, cupping his jaw. His eyes are so open for you that you think you can see his soul in them- a dark web of shadows, that glitters with vulnerability the more you look. 
You wanted his vulnerability, you wanted him to open himself up to you, and share everything he was, everything he could be, until you were full of him.  
Until you could taste him in your mouth, even when he wasn't around.
"I'm here now, and I'll worry. I'll fight anyone that stops me from getting to you. Including Frank Castle." You promise.
His frown grows into a smile.
"You're sure you don't wanna ride me? I'll stay really still." 
You groan.
"No, no vigorous activity for at least four weeks."
"You riding me isn't vigorous."
"Yes, but I'd consider your orgasms vigorous." You reply, contemplating the way the muscles of his abdomen tended to tighten up when he came.
"Wait," Billy says in horror, "I can't come for four weeks?"
"You'll be fine." You huff.
"No I won't be." He protests.
"Just let me take care of you."
He couldn't argue with that.
"You hate me don't you?" Billy asks.
You try not to grin.
You turn to face him, clad in only your plainest underwear as you get ready for work. Somehow, he still saw beauty in you, even when you weren't trying. It was exhilarating.
Unfortunately you couldn't stay with him, a meeting had been scheduled that you didn't want to push back due to the difficulty in actually getting the meeting in the first place.
"Why? Is there something wrong with it?" You ask, turning playfully to show him the back and the front.
"Everything's fucking wrong with it," Billy grumbles from his spot in bed, head tilting back for a second in what looks like a plea to God himself.
"When I get these stitches out, you're gonna be in so much trouble." he says with a little grunt.
You hum, in thought.
"You know, now that I think about it, I don't think I'll wear underwear today." You taunt.
Billy groans loudly.
Something delightful blooms within you.
Wrong.
This was supposed to be wrong.
The more you think that, the more you know that this is the most right feeling in the world.
There was nothing in your old life that could ever possibly compare to him.
Usually, people coerced into marriage were subjected to inhumane treatment, impossible and abusive environments, that sucked the very living soul out of them.
The most soul sucking being done to you was when you'd been forced to deny Billy the pleasure of tasting you last night.
The pleasure of tasting you... because to him... it really was a pleasure.
You swallow, sitting at his desk, tense in his comfortable chair. You'd become someone he'd wanted.
Or maybe you'd always been. When had he decided to marry you anyways?
You blink, shock spearing through you.
What if your feelings weren't real? But simply a defence response to your circumstances.
A tired sigh leaving your lips. A shake of your head.
Would you want him if you weren't trapped by him? 
The question eats away at your sanity. You spin it around and around in your head and still you can't find an answer.
You're scared by it. By the notion of losing him.
You're also scared by the idea of staying with him, still not fully understanding what he was capable of.
Which fear was right?
And which one would break your heart? 
Billy says your name in question when he hears a door slam shut.
"Just me, Bill." Is Frank's answering voice.
"Where is she?" He murmurs, throat dry, looking up at the ceiling. The pain meds held him in a state of mild confusion, spaced out so that he wasn't in any pain, but unable to truly focus on the things happening around him.
He hears the slow pour of water, peeks an eye open to find Frank beside him. He struggles to sit up, tucking a second and then third pillow behind him for support and gratefully accepting the glass of water from Frank.
"It's only two, her meeting just started so you'll see her a little later."
Billy nods, ignoring Frank's gaze as he sips the water.
"I've never seen you so down bad before."
Billy's laugh bubbles in the glass he's holding.
"What can I say? I'm a romantic." He answers flippantly.
Frank snorts loudly in knowing disbelief. Billy frowns.
"You don't think it's fast? Is she... does she have something on you?"
Anger spears itself through Billy, some at Frank, most at himself.
I'm a monster, he thinks.
He turns away, not wanting Frank to read the expression on his face, wondering if his look of guilt alone will put the pieces together in Frank's head.
"It's not like that." He says easily, thinking to himself what a sick fuck he must be to coerce someone so glorious, so awe-inspiring, into marriage against her will.
He thinks he hates himself for it.
"She told me you got accidentally married. I can't imagine a version of you, however drunk, that would accept marriage."
Frank was getting too close. Billy had to say something to appease him.
"I'd met her before, at... a company party or two. I liked her, but she had a boyfriend."
When Billy doesn't continue, Frank is forced to prompt.
"And?" 
Billy stares down at the sheets. The very sheets you'd slept under last night.
"And when I met her in Vegas, they'd just broken up, and I wanted something with her, and I don't remember how, but the next day I woke up married to her and I was so happy."
It's mostly the truth, the best tale he can spin in his state.
"I know it doesn't make sense, Frankie, but when I'm with her... I'm the man I've always wanted to be."
Frank is quiet for too long now, and Billy is forced to turn his head and look up at his best friend curiously.
Both men stare at each other in silence for a moment.
"Alright, okay, I'm sold, bring her around to meet Maria and the kids." Frank says finally.
If anything, this was Frank Castle's ultimate seal of approval. Introducing strangers to his family was not an occasion to be taken lightly.
Billy grins up at Frank.
"I can't believe I had to lose my appendix to get her invited to a Castle family dinner. You're so gullible, Frank." Billy teases.
He's rewarded with a gentle smack to his shoulder.
You run your hands over the fabric of your dress, deep in thought.
Was it too much? You think you might be overdressed.
It was a lovely beige colour, maybe tan, knee length with a vintage design and little puff sleeves. You'd liked how it looked in the store. Now? You honestly felt like it was a little much.
Maybe Billy would be able to help you decide.
You call his name, walking out of your shared closet and toward the living room where you saw him last.
You spin the corner and find him already coming toward you.
"Are you okay?" He asks, dressed casually in a grey shirt and black pants.
You stumble over your words, your brain spinning too fast for you to keep up.
"W- yeah- I was coming to ask your opinion, but I am so clearly overdressed." You turn on your heel to go back into the bedroom.
"Oh no you don't." Billy says, and before you know it, he's grabbed a hold of your wrist, pulling you into his body.
You gasp, eyes widening on his face as he presses you against the wall of the hallway.
Your heart pounds in your chest at his proximity. Your need for him outweighs rational thought until you have to remind yourself that he's still recovering. If he touched you right now though, he'd find you already wet, and eager for him.
While you've been fighting your aching desire, he's taken the time to run the tips of his fingers across the apple of your cheek.
"God. You're so pretty." He whispers, warm eyes spilling euphoria into you.
He couldn't mean that. Could he?
You glance away, only to be forced into looking back at him when he grabs your jaw roughly.
The tension between you feels like an electric charge, that heightens as he gets closer. 
It's like he's never touched you before, like the sensation is brand new, and not months old. 
"I should change," You whisper, "This dress is too much."
He takes a deep breath, his hand glides from gripping your jaw to curl around your throat. Your breath stutters at the feeling. Something flutters low, an ache to be filled rears its head.
"You're gorgeous. In anything you wear. I'd want you in a ball gown or a potato sack."
Good lord.
When you smile, he brings his fingers up to press against your lips, exploring the shape of your smile, appreciating the softness.
"You mean that?" You ask, a little unsure.
His dark eyes devour you, unfocused as he looks at you, balancing on the precipice of admiring you and imagining just exactly what he wants to do to you.
"Why don't I show you?" He offers.
You reach to grip his elbows when it seems like he's going to kneel.
"No, we- you're still recovering and I don't think it's fair that I get to cum if you can't."
He lets out a low grunt, pressing his body roughly against yours, his palms against the wall on either side of your head, his forehead and nose pressed to yours. The intensity of his gaze makes you turn your head to look away, he's got the demeanour of a man starved, desperate, borderline unhinged.
He doesn't let you move far, fingers curling around the back of your neck to bring you back to face him.
"Little wife," he says so deeply that you're not sure if it's a promise or a threat.
"Lift your dress up for me, or I'll tie you up and lick your cunt anyway."
You gulp. The very thought of being helpless while he-
Fuck, but you didn't even have the time, Frank would be expecting you in an hour. 
You let out a breath, feeling more than seeing the smile that forms on his face as you begin gathering the materials of your skirt into your fists.
"Good." he says finally, and you can only feel your body throb with heat in response.
There's the gentlest kiss to your mouth, something of a promise, a pledge that when he's done with you, you won't remember how to walk.
You squeeze your eyes shut as he kneels, you know that when he reaches up to tug your underwear down the length of your legs, that he'll see the desperation he causes.
He swears when he sees it, drawing out the syllables as he witnesses the way your arousal clings to the little piece of fabric protecting your modesty.
You swallow, the materials bunched in your hands no doubt wrinkling with the force.
He takes his time, tracing coarse fingers over your calve, behind your knee and up your thigh, pulling gently to guide one of your legs over his shoulder. 
He doesn't bother to touch your centre, circle your sweet bud with his thumb like he wants to, he uses his tongue right away.
You take in a sharp breath at the contact. The tip of his tongue meeting your clit affectionately, like old friends reuniting.
A shiver goes down your spine, you crush your bottom lip between your teeth.
"Billy." You whisper softly, tilting your head back as his tongue flattens on you.
He takes it slow, remarkably gentle on your hypersensitive body, having gone relatively long in recent times without an orgasm, you feel like just the right move will pull you apart at the seams.
You let out a little groan, sighing as his pace quickens, his tongue pushing deeper, so that he can get a taste of you directly from the source.
It's primal, soft, ritualistic in the way that his tongue worships you, your eyes rolling back in your head as he draws you close to your peak.
There's an obscene sucking sound, followed closely by a hum of pleasure from between your legs. You feel your body tense, coiled tight on the precipice of bliss, thighs trembling as he keeps his tongue focused on your clit, lapping gently, and then a little harsher, to be gentle again.
His beard scratches your thighs, and even that is an aphrodisiac by itself, reminding you constantly that it's his mouth on you, his tongue on your cunt, his head between your thighs.
A sharp whine of warning, your stomach tightens, your breath stutters. 
A groan of approval from him, the soft twist of his fingers on your skin, as if to encourage you, to tell you how good you're being for him, and all you ever want to do now is be good for him.
Being deconstructed by his mouth should be a lot harder, and yet, Billy makes it look like a basic endeavour.
Your toes curl, head knocking the wall, you feel like you're coming apart, atom by atom, the force of your pleasure barely contained within your skin. You feel the walls of your cunt clamp down into a tight vise, as wave after wave of bliss fills every square inch of your body.
You barely make more than a quiet gasp- too inebriated on his tongue to even scream. 
He keeps licking you gently, lazily, trembling shudders working through your system until you're forced to tap his shoulder for a reprieve.
Another obscene sound when he pulls away, looking up at you, his mouth and beard shiny with your release.
He puts you back on two feet, but your knees buckle once the full weight of you is on them.
He stands swiftly, arms wrapping around you to pull you to his body keeping you upright, a small grunt leaving him.
You blink, struggling to restart your brain.
You realise his grunt is one of pain, as he tries to hold you up, it's what kickstarts your brain into working.
You grip his biceps, straightening your legs under you and willing them to stay that way.
"Sorry." You whisper, trying to take a deep breath.
"It's alright. If I could, I would have picked you up myself." He whispers back, and you raise your head to look into his eyes.
Something unnameable passes between you, you can't put a finger on it- but it feels like quiet appreciation for each other. 
He helps you to the couch, sitting you down before disappearing into the bathroom.
When he re-emerges, it's with a clean face and a damp washcloth. 
He encourages you down to the car after cleaning you and redressing you. You try to tell him that you're capable- but he won't have it.
He slides into the back of the car beside you, and almost immediately tucks your body against his, pulling your legs over one of his for comfort.
You sag, still fatigued from such a powerful orgasm.
Jesus, was it always going to be like that? All mind-consuming and explosive?
You smile when he kisses your forehead, tilting your head up to let him kiss you softly on the mouth.
Delightful, consuming, everything about him was just so... tantalising, you wanted to spend hours learning him, take days to map every thought in his head, every idea in his heart.
He was a dangerous enigma, a slippery slope.
And you were falling. 
When Frank pulls the door to his house open, he gives you both a very suspicious look.
After a moment, he lets out a long sigh of disappointment.
"You two better not fuck in my house." He threatens.
"How can you even tell?" Billy asks in disbelief, reading into the quiet accusations being made by Frank.
"Isn't it obvious?" Frank asks, opening the door wider to let you in.
"Hi Frank," you say in greeting as you walk past him. He says your name, with a small nod of acknowledgement.
You take a moment to appreciate their house, it's warm and cozy, with lots of baseball trophies lining the mantle over the fireplace. There's a lot of pinks and beiges, a cozy line of couches near the fire.
Before you can do more looking, you hear a woman's voice.
"Is that them?" She asks, spinning into the room.
This must be Maria, you think, as you watch her take Billy into an aggressive hug, giving him a kiss to the cheek before letting him go in a flourish, a look of violation comically painted on his face.
When she turns to you next, you gulp.
She's very pretty, with lovely auburn hair. You notice a large scar curving from the corner of her eye down to the edge of her chin.
You only get a second of awareness before she's taking you into a hold just as violent as the one she'd trapped Billy in. 
You can't help but giggle at her blatant showing of affection.
She says your name in greeting.
"I hear you kneed Frank in the balls. Well done."
You splutter for an excuse.
"I'm sorry-"
"-Don't be," she interjects, "I wished I'd seen it myself."
You smile, looking over to Frank, who is mid-roll of his eyes.
"That'll cost you later, big boy. Come! Dinner is almost ready." Maria says quickly, turning away and you let out a little chuckle in response to Frank's apologetic face. 
"Billyyyyyyyyy." You hear someone shout, and you watch in horror as a small blur begins racing to your husband.
Your mouth opens, subtly stepping in front of him, ready to catch said blur.
Frank beats you to it, grabbing his son under the arms and picking him up for a second before putting him back down.
"Woah there slugger, take it easy on Uncle Billy, he just had surgery." 
You sigh, moving away from Billy so that he can hug his godson in peace. You catch Maria staring at you. You give her a smile of apology before looking away.
"Frank, I want you to meet my wife," Billy says, turning the younger Frank's body in your direction.
You can instantly see the suspicious look on his face.
You tell him your name, extending your hand politely in greeting.
He takes it, shaking your hand politely, it's the best you can hope for, being a stranger in their home.
"You're not a gold digger are you?" Frank Jr. says suddenly.
It's met with lots of scolding from his parents. You can't help laughing at everyone's shocked expressions.
"Where did you even learn that word?" Frank says, exasperated.
"In school." Younger Frank answers honestly.
Billy straightens, gives you an apologetic look.
"She's not with me for my money, junior, I'm with her cause she's sweet." He wraps a hand around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest.
You can't look at him, leaning in and accepting the comfort.
You meet Lisa next, Frank's older daughter, she's polite, but you can also see the accusation in her eyes.
You figure it's nice, that at least there are people looking out for Billy, though, you almost want to shout his crimes so that you stop being treated so abrasively.
Billy had warned you that the Castles could be protective, that they'd like you once they got to know you.
You'd hoped that were true.
.
When Maria asks how you and Billy met during dinner, you both pause in horror as the answer comes to mind.
You let out a long sigh.
"We met a couple of years ago, at a Christmas party, my boyfriend at the time was working at Anvil." You say with a smile.
Maria nods eagerly in understanding. You can see how bad it looks.
"Alright," you say, finally having enough. Your fork clatters onto your plate and you watch Billy turn his head to you in alarm.
"Cards on the table. No, I'm not with him for his money- and I'm not pregnant either if any of you are thinking it. I like him. I like his stupid face and his stupid laugh and I feel safe around him and I never really had that before." You pause for a second, taking a sip of water before continuing.
"Sure, how we met wasn't the best, and how we got married was even worse, but I like him."
Billy reaches over, taking your hand in his, you glance up at him, your stomach tying into knots as you meet his eyes.
"He's my best friend." You finish.
You feel his hand squeeze yours.
Billy leans forward, his other hand cupping your cheek and hiding your mouths from view as he kisses you softly.
The entire table erupts into groans, mostly from both Franks and you can't help laughing into his kiss.
It lightens the mood though, and there's less tension in the air by the time dinner is finished. 
.
Everyone helps with cleaning up, and you find yourself drying dishes next to Maria while the rest of the family clear the table.
"He's not someone we'd ever thought could settle down." Maria murmurs.
You look up at her curiously.
She sees your confused expression and tries to explain.
"He's always just been so focused on himself, there were a lot of bad things about his childhood, and more in the military, and we just never thought he could be in a spot where he could live with someone. He tends to push people away after a while. Even us."
You look down, letting out a long sigh, wondering what you would do if he ever tried to push you away.
Accept it, you guess. What could you really do if he decided he didn’t want you anymore? Nothing.
“But don’t worry.” She interjects, you look up at her, eyes settling on her wicked scar for a second before you look down at your dish, “He likes you, he really does, maybe you did have a rough start, but I have faith in both of you.”
Your mouth pulls into a smile, you thank her for her kind words.
.
You play Jenga with them next, laughing and tickling Billy’s left side affectionately to distract him while he moves.
He grins, his hand remains remarkably steady while you torment him with your fingers. Everyone jeers, encouraging his loss, booing him when he manages to get the block on top of the tower without toppling it.
Your turn is next and you smile happily as you lean forward to make your move. You feel his hand on the small of your back, rubbing affectionately as you pick your piece. He doesn’t try to shake you or cheat like you did while you pull your piece out. The rest of the Castle family boo you in funny ways, and you have this moment of realisation that this is what family feels like.
When you get your wooden brick seated next to Billy’s, he kisses you on the temple, murmuring a ‘Good job, baby.’ into your ear in a low voice that has your body responding eagerly to him.
There’s a look that passes between you, something warm and electric, the silent guarantee that if you were alone right now, you’d be ripping at each other's clothes.
It’s Frank that drops the tower, after Maria whispers something into his ear quietly, and you smile at the way he looks at her in half betrayal and half adoration as everyone cheers for his loss.
You see it, you understand why these people are so important to him, the humanity inside each Castle is a unique thing, that makes the whole family unit just work so easily.
You’re glad to have met them, and you’re also sad when you have to bid them goodbye at the end of the night.
Maria hugs you both, Frank gives you an almost friendly pat on your shoulder. There’s a bittersweetness to it that you’ve barely felt before, a real family that you can be a part of, a promise to reunite soon that sparks hope inside of you.
You leave, hand in hand with Billy, a little bit happier than you were when you first arrived, feeling like you understood your husband just a little bit more.
.
In the car, he lets out a slow breath, tilting his head back. He’s in pain, you realise.
“My scar is starting to hurt.” he confesses, turning his head to look at you.
Your heart squeezes in your chest. 
“We’ll get you home and get some medicine into you, okay?” You say softly, leaning into him, till your nose rubs affectionately against his.
He nods, eyes drooping as he feels your hand move to cup the healing area of his abdomen over his shirt gently. He leans into you, resting his head into the crook of your neck, your other hand moving up to play with his hair.
You feel him sigh in bliss.
.
You tug your heels off so that you have better balance to support him, encouraging him to lean into you a little so that he’s in a little less pain while you get him up to your apartment.
His pain has worsened by the time you sit him in bed and rummage through your cabinet for his medicine. 
You get it to him first, making sure he finishes the glass of water you gave him before you begin taking his shoes off.
“You don’t have to-” He tries to sit up, “I can-” He grunts in pain when he curls forward too much.
You push him back gently, giving him a kiss to his forehead.
“Let me take care of you, yeah?”
You stroke his cheek with the backs of your fingers while you wait for him to respond.
“Yeah,” he sighs.
You tug his shoes off, and then undo his pants, giggling slightly when he struggles to lift his hips to help you.
You can’t help touching him, feeling over his thick thighs as they’re exposed to you. You kiss his happy trail when you see it, giggling when he groans.
“Tease.” He pouts.
You kiss his pout too.
Only after you strip him down to his boxers and carefully check his scar, do you tuck him into bed, moving to dress down for the night too. 
When you struggle for too long with the zipper, you sit on the edge of the bed beside Billy and ask him for help.
He kisses your exposed back when he gets the zip undone.
When you’re finally in your silky PJs, you slide into bed beside him, noticing that he’s still awake, but blinking slowly.
“Are you still in pain?” You ask, tilting your head to observe him.
“No pain.” He answers, “Groggy.”
You sigh in relief, sliding closer to him, till you’re pressed to his side. Your hand slides into his rough one, and you quietly enjoy the feeling of being next to him until he speaks.
“I’ve never had this.” Billy whispers. You raise your head to look at him, noticing how unfocused his eyes are, staring up at the ceiling, blinking slowly, as if to remind himself that he’s still awake.
“The old me would have never confessed to anyone that I was hurting.” 
He turns his head, glassy eyes focusing on you.
“But you… The way you fight for me makes me want to trust you more and more each time.” He swallows, “It’s scary.”
He raises a hand, cups your cheek and you can’t help leaning into him, closing your eyes in hopes that it puts him at ease, that he doesn’t feel stared at while he opens himself up to you.
“No one has ever taken care of me before. Not like you have. You look at me- and I- I mean something. You know?”
You open your eyes then, staring at him for a long moment, finding that your throat has closed up from your abundance of emotion.
“You mean a lot.” You whisper, your hand raising to cup his.
His eyes are glassy, almost on the brink of tears.
“I didn’t know.”
.
You’re in the kitchen making coffee two days after, scarily deep in thought. 
In the quiet of the morning you think about everything that’s happened. From Dominic dumping you to the despair you felt when your annulment request had been denied. You think about it all, and you think about your mother, whose call you had ignored yesterday after walking out of her house when you found out Billy was sick. 
You didn’t know how to approach her, or what you would say when she asked you the question she’d asked before.
Before you can think yourself into a downward spiral, an arm wraps itself around your waist. His hand is broad, spreading over your tummy and leaving warm tingles behind, his touch so comforting that you can’t help but smile and lean into him a little.
“Good morning, Mrs. Russo.” He grumbles softly, letting you know exactly what he thought of waking up alone in bed.
“What can I help you with, Mister Russo?” You tease, smiling as you both sway together.
There’s a moment of silence, filled only with the sounds of your shared breaths as you enjoy the presence of each other.
“I would like you to come back to bed. It’s a Saturday and you haven’t cuddled me for nearly long enough.”
You grin, rolling your eyes.
“Yeah? And what do I get if I come back to bed with you right now?”
He hums, nose pressing against your ear, one hand on your stomach and the other rising up to cup your jaw securely.
“I can think of many imaginative ways to thank you.” He murmurs, the heat of his breath tickling your ear gently.
It’s something you could never even think to dream of.
.
.
.
A/N: Sorry I've been so inactive... bad things have happened, just popping in to post this cause I don't want it to sit in my drafts for any longer.
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oh my god I am frothing at the mouth PLEASE tell us about how Unohana is SO WEIRD ACTUALLY
(her reveal is my favorite thing in the whole series and I was obsessed with Bleach for a good long time)
I love Unohana. She's magnificently insane and deliciously fun to write so far.
My take on AEIWAM Unohana is that fundamentally, she just wants to be happy.
Oh, that doesn't sound too nuts. I hear you say.
Yeah, but I also headcanon that she has ADHD. We joke a lot about it on this site, but if you have the good fortune to have functioning dopamine factories, allow me to explain the worst part of it, for me.
There's no passive happiness.
Most people, as I understand it, if left to their own devices without undue stressors like capitalism or any particular stimulation, tend to be able to feel pretty okay most of the time. Which fascinates me because if I am left alone without undue stressors but no stimulation, my malfunctioning dopamine factories will shut down and I will rapidly develop a terrible black depression and paranoia that life is cruel and I will never experience happiness again and also my appetite vanishes and sleep cycle collapses and I will end up mentally and physically distraught, sometimes in less than an hour.
So I've always got to be doing something, or The Horrors get me.
So imagine Unohana, and with a brain that wants to die if she gets bored... living in fantasy magical ancient japan. Not much to do, out in the early days of the soul society, besides being attatcked by monsters, or participating in warfare, or starving to death. the first two, at least, get the blood pumping, but the first is difficult to come by regularly, so as a young woman, the most interesting thing that happens to her on the regular is Mortal Combat.
And how exciting it is! Adrenaline! Dopamine! And on the rare occasions she meets a fellow combat enthusiast, she also gets one of the best things about ADHD- Recognition Responsive Euphoria. You know that great feeling you get at Con or meeting another person with your special interest and you guys just VIBE and it feels like you've been best friends for life in less than five minutes? Yeah, apparently Non-ADHD people don't get that.
So naturally, she develops her skill in combat, not in pursuit of Honor or The Art or something nebulous like, that, but in the simple Pursuit of Happiness. She gets very good at it, and a lot of people die.
But she starts getting... too good at it. The fights don't last, there's nobody willing- let alone able, to meet her on her level and the previous joy she felt fades and fades until she is once again left in the darkness.
Then, a Miracle happens! Some punk stabs her in the lung :)
Man, what an evening for her. Kills a hundred men with barely a stroke and there's no more joy in the world for her when suddenly some barely-legal scarecrow looking bastard with a raggedy sword he pulled out of someone else's corpse appears at the top of the pile of bodies and then goes Ape. Fucking. Shit. on her.
It's the most fun she's had in ages! He's strong and fast and his moves are inefficient but delightfully unpredictable and by the GODS the STAMINA! Alright, she might be 1,000 years his senior but in the soul society age really is just a number and she can't help but be charmed.
So she flirts back by nearly cutting his face off. This DELIGHTS him!
And there it is again, that sudden feeling of intimacy between like-minded individuals, only these two ships aren't passing in the night, there' here to make Titanic 2: Electric Boogaloo. They make eye contact, and know-they're just like me.
True Love is a wonderful thing.
It's also a great opportunity for a surprise thrust and she only sort of manages to block it, and despite the feeling of blood pooling in her lung, she returns the blow full across his chest.
She staggers back, coughing.
He, miraculously, sits up, coughing. He won't die if he can crawl off somewhere to lick his wounds, but he can't continue the fight either.
She stands up, teeth gritted through the pain, and sheathes Minazuki. "What's your name?" She asks. "So I may find you to fight again."
"Don't have one." he wheezes. "But I'll never forget yours."
She's had men spit that as a threat to her before. It sounds very different as a declaration of love.
"Yachiru." she says, trying to not cough up blood. "Unohana Yachiru."
*
A Year later, there's a problem.
Soul Society has a bit of a problem with lungs. They can make entire fake bodies for shinigami to travel the living world, but individual organs, especially lungs... never seem to transplant well. Perhaps it's the fact they're already dead.
Her left lung is "healed" in the sense that it no longer has extraneous holes in it, but... Godsdammit, she still has all the power but none of the stamina. Barely 10 minutes into a fight and she's wheezing worse than The Old Man. 20 minutes and her hands are starting to shake and she's seeing spots in her eyes because she can't breathe well enough to keep the oxygen in her veins. Her fights usually last seconds so functionally she's still one of the most powerful people in the afterlife but it's a far cry from where she was before.
She can no longer be the 11th division's Kenpachi. Hell, she can no longer be the woman she was before.
"Unless you figure out some new medical miracles, this is as healed as it's going to get." Explains the chief medical officer after yet another frustrating checkup.
"...If that's what it takes." She decides.
The next morning she re-enrolls in the Shinigami Academy, under the name Unohana Retsu. The sole change she makes to her appearence is to braid her hair down the front of her chest because people WILL ask about the scar, and she doesn't want to think about how badly she's letting down that warrior with no name.
Either she needs to learn how to get back to his level, or find a new rival and learn to heal them to actually last the 20 minutes she has, or she'll die.
She studies.
To her vast surprise, bodies are actually fascinating. She'd previously seen that there were lots of interesting organs inside people but now learning what they are and how they work and the fact that the human body is already astonishingly death-resistant compared to most animals AND a carefully balanced meat sculpture minutes away from catastrophic failure at all times delights. She learns about the extreme ways humans can survive and the bizarrely mundane ways they can die, and she starts to form an idea- not an image, not a philosophy per se- but a working theory of how to keep someone alive and moving for as long and far as they will go, and what they need to stay upright.
This idea shines so brightly that it can keep that terrible darkness away.
The century practically flies by, and one night she stays up manually pumping the mechanism on a device used to keep the also-failing lungs of a young boy going after the power goes out. He's been blessed by A God that he's lived as long as he has, but even Gods can fuck up sometimes and she effectively has to breathe for him for twelve hours until the God gets its shit back together and he can breathe under his own power again.
"Hell of a fight you put in, keeping him alive." says one of her colleagues, collapsing beside her out in the 4th division medical garden where all the doctors go to smoke.
Retsu slowly exhales the smoke, fatigued but still coming down from the high of success. She cocks her head. Her body aches and her mind races and her heart thrills, just like- "I guess it was. " she realizes. "Interesting fight, going 12 hours in the ring with a dying child and winning because he walked away at the end." She laughs, and hands him the cigarette to share.
"You weirdo." he colleague laughs. He's far too young to remember when she was Yachiru. Most of them are these days, and it's a weird sort of peaceful anonymity and personal joke. "You weren't fighting the kid. If we were actually allowed to fight patients, I'd've stabbed the Kuchki hypochondriac decades ago." he grumbles, taking his own drag.
She snorts. "Who was I fighting then?"
"Death?" smoke billows out as he laughs, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
She freezes. Oh. Oh. That's why she likes this so much. She's gone from fighting mere men to the one opponent she knows she can win battles with, but never the war, and who will defeat her personally someday.
"Are. Are you crying?" he asks, a little worried.
"I- yes." She laughs, tears streaming down her face. "I just fell in love all over again."
"Ouch." he nods sympathetically, offering her the cigarette back. "Who with?"
"Death's own Angel, apparently." She giggles, feeling positively prepubescent with this crush.
And thus she goes on, for centuries, learning everything there is to know about bodies and minds and how the two keep each other going and the ways she can help. She gets very good at it, and a many more people do not die.
But there is a special, secret place in her heart for that nameless warrior that defeated her in battle, and made her stronger than every before.
*
Nearly 1,000 years after she stopped being Kenpachi, she is supervising the annual "see if you can kill the captain" tournament. Her colleague Kaname is there, a walking anxiety disorder with undoubtedly real but strangely hard to diagnose phantom pains, but he's still easily in her top 10 coworkers of all time because he made her a new medical record filing system so functional they were actually able to recataloge three millennia of medical records into a usable format in under a decade. He can come twitching into her office any time he likes, especially if it gets her that mass vaccination process for the Rukongai he's been biting The Old Man's heels for.
Then
as suddenly as he had appeared the first time,
He's back.
He's older now and larger, having matured into a spectacular bastard, but there's no mistaking that cutting edge on his reiatsu (which, oh, that has gotten much, much stronger since last time) or that scar running down his face as he turns from where he had just cleft the previous Kenpachi in twain, and stares out into the crowd in the shower of blood, challenging anyone to do something about it. Hell, even when Yamamoto appears to congratulate him on his promotion, Death's own angel's first reaction is to turn to fight the old man without hesitation.
He then promptly picks three different fights with four captains in under five minutes, tells Yamamoto to shove the job up his ass, imply he's had a WILD collection of vocations in the last millennium and furthermore, he has to get home to his daughter.
...Named Yachiru.
Hilariously, Unohana is only having the second weirdest time about this here, because Kaname and Kenpachi are, somehow, even weirder than she is.
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rinbowaman · 5 months
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How about heethan's reaction to let's assume for once yn goes to a party with hn and some dude slips viagra in yn's drink so she drank it obliviously and ofc got horny so the dude sees it and tries to feel her up only for her to kick him in d!ck and runs away back to the dorm room to heethan now ofc the effects of the pill were still there so heethan gets a little confused as to why his pretty baby comes up to him hurriedly from the party all horny.....so later on they do the deed and when our yn is asleep he dials hn number and asks her what happened with yn and hn explains all and heethan being him goes on full murder mode
Now I leave it up to you to finish everything up 😼😼😼
lol well unfortunately kitty cat anon, i'm afraid viagra doesnt work that way for females (as far as my research shows) it doesnt increase a woman's desire to have sex. Not to mention, it would be hard to write out this prompt because heethan (as the record shows in the chapters) does not let y/n go ANYWHERE without him. she barely is able to attend her classes in peace bc most times, he's right outside waiting/watching her through the window from his car. he'd be at that part with her, and therefore, no one is going to slip anything in her drink bc he's gonna be the one to order and watch over her belongings. for me to write out anything different is hard because its very out of character for heethan, he's always (like literally stuck like glue) with his y/n. wherever he goes, she goes. and wherever she goes, he's there.
NOW, lets just say they're at a party, and he hands her a drink and somehow it slipped through his sharp sights and someone did manage to slip something in y/n's drink. Again, studies show that viagra doesnt have that effect on women, it's a medication mean to stimulate hormonal and blood functions for men only, so lets say they slip something else and it takes effect, i'm not sure what is out there that stimulates a women's desire to have sex, but if we bend the facts a little and they slipped something and y/n was already ovulating and whatever was slipped in made her a little woozy and more "in the mood" heethan be right there to see her change in mood and would just take her to a private room or in his car and give it to her until she knocks out. (there are similar scenarios where y/n is ovulating and she expresses her desires to heethan and she always gets more than what she bargains for, i think they're in my one shots ML) it wouldn't be any different.
Warnings: some detailed smutty stuff below the line....like straight up nasty porn type content, car sex, and ofc breeding kinks, anal play, oral, and creampies. yup. MDNI 18+ content below.
He'd take you to the car, slip his hand down in you panties and feel how wet you are. probably increase the tension by antagonizing you with the "tell me who are you wet for?" or "tell me what you want, princess."
he'd make you say it and practically beg for it. in fact, he'd throw in the "beg for it baby, i wanna hear you beg." while he pumps his fingers (all three of them) in and out while curving the tips inward to hook you from the inside and gently pull you down until you're a laying mess. record shows he loves to slap y/n's p*ssy, whether it's his hand or with his shaft, he likes to slap it. when he gets a few drinks in him (doesn't have to be drunk, he can have a tiny buzz) he likes to tickle it too. he likes to watch you jump, jolt, and yelp out of the oversensitivity he's creating and from there, he slaps his hand on your shoulder, your waist, or even your neck to hold you steady and will keep doing it over and over until he gets you to the point where you're now begging for him to stop (see what he does? he's a menace. first he has you begging for more, now he has you begging for mercy) and then, as he's sucking on your skin, he shoves it in. He get's you feeling so full (because he's a python....he has girth and length) and this time around, because you're ovulating, he just wants to go at it and not start off slow and deep (which is how he usually does it) naw....he starts going at it and loves it when you gasp out in shocking breaths while you yelp and moan out in disbelief that he's just fucking the shit out of you off the hook and beaming a very demeaning (but loving) gaze at you.
everytime you turn your head away from the overwhelming sensation, he grabs your hair and either makes you look directly into his psychotic glare or he'll make you watch his cock going in and out of you (balls deep too) since you're ovulating, you're extra juicy so he'll make you stick your hand down and use your fingers to ring around his girth as he thrusts in and out, and make you rub his balls as he's slamming into you. the man is always filthy but when you're in the moments of heat and wanting to breed, he's extra nasty with it. he'll spread your legs open, spit on it, stick his finger in your anus while he's fucking you and will suck on your tongue while you're screaming out as he keeps going and going (man is an energizer bunny) he'll taunt you with his words while he spits on your tits and tells you things like...
"yeah...you're pretty little girl....you ARE pretty, i'll give you that....in fact, i'm going to show you just how pretty you are."
and boy, does he ever. he'll take it out for a few minutes so he can go in there and shove his face in between your legs, flip you over, grab your rear end, squeeze his fingers down to make it look extra bubbly, and shove it back in, going to town on you. "breed with me baby." he'll say that every time he feels you gush. and your ovulation period is just make you feral for child bearing so of course you moan and let him do everything, which includes him leaning over your back as he's fucking you doggystyle, and he'll bite your neck and hold you steady that way while he pumps in deeper and deeper until you feel him cumming.
when all is said and done, and you're bruised down there, red and purple from him beating your womanhood (i'm talking like...the man went all Mike Tyson on you) you sigh out and catch your breath, only to hear him transition and speak out...
"Round two baby...."
and you look up with an ever enduring horror on your face as you see that Ethan is looking down at you....hungry. You're too weak and exhausted to move or do anything, you just lay there with your eyes beginning to water as you dread for whats about to come your way. you whine out of mercy, which only makes ethan smirk deviously. Now that heeseung had his fill, ethan want's a taste...in fact he want's the whole entree. bon apetite. ❤️
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