#(and no I don’t know anyone she’s close with unfortunately we’re just internet friends from high school)

[theperksofbeingannoying]

I want to get this all off my chest and quick. This is a vent. Check the hashtags for TWs please.

I’m mostly going over my experience as a queer Romanian teenager. I don’t have a platform, nor any kind of a following so I doubt anyone will ever see this. But for whoever is out there and came across my story, thank you. Someone once said that an artist’s legacy can never truly die because of the internet. They said it as a bad thing in that context but today, I’ve decided to honor my legacy and not let it die. Even if it’s not a strong one at all. Even if probably no one cares. I don’t care either. I’ll put this out there for whoever is interested in a different perspective. Or maybe, just maybe, you’re like me. Maybe you’re a gay Romanian looking for comfort. Maybe you have a shitty family or maybe you have shitty friends and you want closure. You want to confirm that we truly are everywhere. Well, I’m here to do just that. So, there it goes:

I have two cousins around my age. They’re not really my cousins but I talk to them like they were, think about them like they were and call them my cousins. We’re actually just very distant law-relatives. But they are as important to me as a cousin might be.

There’s a boy exactly my age. Which, for whoever knows is the age you normally take the EN (National Evaluation) in Romania. Then, there’s a girl five years, or so I think, younger than us. I usually have fun with them. We talk and joke around and ask tons of questions because we don’t see eachother often.

They’re on my mind because for the first time in 6 months I saw them. I spent two full days with them in the countryside. Everything was going so well. And everything went well until the end. Until the overthinking, that is. And this overthinking kept telling me the same thing over and over and over again.

What if this is the last time you see them?

Or, that is to say, the last time they want to see me. The question if we would make it simpler would be: What if they find out?

This “What if they found out?” has been the bane of my existence since I first learned I was bisexual. Here, people don’t take that kind of news especially well. My parents wouldn’t take it well, nor would the rest of my family. But I don’t think about that because I don’t get crushes often. Because the chance of my actually having a girlfriend is close to zero. However, I’ve been catching feelings for a girl I’ve met in acting class. I thought about her this whole weekend. She was the only thing on my mind when I wasn’t hanging out with my cousins. And that got me thinking.

What if it’s going to become a reality? What if the fact that I have a girlfriend will come up? What if someone finds out? What, then?

These questions are swimming through my head as I’m writing this rant. Who would be by my side? Who would shush my name? I think about the cousins. What will they say? Then, suddenly, like blunt force to the head it hits me. With a quick dash of realization it hits me.

They wouldn’t speak to me ever again.

The boy is an avid fan of toxic advice from the likes of Andrew Tate. He assured me he’s not a Tate fan, though. He doesn’t support his views on women. But does everything else. He makes casual homophobic comments which shouldn’t mean anything but they throw me forcefully out of the conversation and into a bottomless pit of self doubt.

The girl, however, she’s young. Impressionable and young. In my family that means she’s doomed. With all those slur yelling, joke making homophobes what young person can escape? Especially if you’re not queer. I almost didn’t escape and I am queer.

So, in those nice moments of bonding that we have and the nice little chats that we hold sometimes shivers run up my spine. What if? The questions ring and yell.

The boy makes a joke. What if?

The girl laughs at somebody. What if?

The family makes their daily comment. What if? What if? What if?

Of course, I wouldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t let myself get outed. Unfortunately, you don’t have autonomy on those kinds of things. I wouldn’t even protect a fellow member of the community in front of them, nor shame them. I live in a kind of purgatory. My family is wealthy enough. At least after my grandma dies. I’ll stand up for us after my grandma dies. Yet, something tells me I still won’t. Why? Because I’m a coward, that’s why.

I look gay, I really do. They don’t want to notice that though. I live in an entirely don’t ask, don’t tell family, specifically with my parents. They would much rather like to blindly pretend than actually care for their child. Moreover, their different child. I’ve always been a different child and for that, I am doomed. Again, another endless painful purgatory.

I walk the earth between the hateful and the tolerant; my people and their people.

Us v. Them.

That’s what is playing over and over again in my head. And soon tears will start filling my eyes with the ideology. Am I part of us or will they see me otherwise? Will they see the masculine, short haired afab who doesn’t dare stand up and curse at me in their spinning thoughts. They see me, clearly one of us, marching with the others. I don’t want to be that. But, alas, what if?

I like my cousins. I wish I could see them growing up. I wish they could see me growing up. They always compliment me on my knowledge and my work. They look up to me and relate to me.

The boy relates to me because of our age. I like talking with him about that. He’ll get high scores on the EN, I just know it.

The girl relates to me because of our gender. I like talking with her about it. She’ll make a great feminist one day. Shame, that I won’t be able to see it.

I won’t be able to see anything after they find out.

I’ll go from being praised to being shunned as quickly as a body droping from one of those post-communist blocks of flats. They won’t want me there and look at me with disgust in their eyes, a slur on their lips and the preaches of AUR members in their ears.

But just thinking this drives me insane. The people who I know and love won’t love me if they knew me. They would turn around so quickly and I’ll forget their faces and I’ll move on so easily. But, once in a while, when I’ll look up and see the back of their head I’ll wonder what I did wrong. And I’ll be thinking: what if I was normal?

#vent #tw vent #queer vent #lgbtq #tw homophobia #tw the word queer being used as an umbrella term for the lgbtq+ community #rant #tw swearing #tw family issues #tw internalized homophobia

[ekstan]

Interview with Continuum's Erik Knudsen

Hey guys, today i'm bringing to you another interview with Erik for online magazine "Sci-fi and Tv Talk", so enjoy it.

Tech Support: Interview with Continuum's Erik Knudsen

May 29th, 2012

At the age of 10, Erik Knudsen played on a children’s hockey team that was chosen to appear in a Visa TV commercial. Little did the actor realize the impact that this event would later have on his life. “I loved it and I always wanted to act after that,” he says. “My parents, of course, were always telling me to have a back-up plan just in case things didn’t work out.

“When I was younger I wanted to be a policeman. I thought that that would be an awesome job and still do, but unfortunately I don’t think I have quite what it takes. I’m 5’ 8” and 125 pounds, so it would probably be kind of difficult. I always wanted to be an actor, though, and felt that if I had a back-up, it would allow me to give up too easily on my dream. So I don’t have a back-up right now. I’m just concentrating on my acting and would love to do that for the rest of my life, and maybe direct down the road.”

In Knudsen’s case, hard work and perseverance have certainly paid off in the form of several feature film and TV credits. Currently, the affable and talented actor is playing Alec Sadler in the hit Canadian TV Sci-Fi/Police Drama Continuum. When Kiera Cameron (Rachel Nichols), a Vancouver CPS (City Protective Services) officer in the year 2077, is unexpectedly sent back in time to Vancouver 2012 along with a group of convicted terrorists, the technology in the future suit she is wearing manages to connect with a frequency used by Alec.

A 17-year-old computer genius, he has, unbeknownst to him, created the foundation for all the technology that runs the world in 2077. While at first only a voice in her head, Alec becomes one of Kiera’s most important allies in her efforts to stop the terrorists from wrecking havoc in the present and changing the future.

“When my character first heard Kiera’s voice over the radio he thought it was a prank,” explains Knudsen. “Alec couldn’t believe that anyone could get onto this encrypted frequency that he created, so when he first starts speaking to Kiera, he doesn’t believe her. For a while, she’s telling him that she’s from 2077 and Alec thinks, ‘OK, that could be true,’ but he doesn’t understand how that’s possible.

“Throughout the first few episodes, my character is trying to help Kiera, but there’s a great deal of doubt. Now, however, we’re filming our 10th episode [and first season finale], and there’s a lot of trust has built up between them. He’s helping her out every day to find these bad guys and fight crime, and Kiera is becoming reliant on him. Alec is basically all the backup she has right now because no one really knows the truth about her. So Kiera really trusts him and I think their relationship has developed quite nicely over this first season. They’ve become close friends and, of course, Alec is a teenage boy, so he thinks that Kiera is really hot,” says the actor with a chuckle.

In Continuum’s first season opener A Stitch in Time, the first glimpse that audiences have of Alec is of him sitting in a dark room surrounded by computer screens and various other technical paraphernalia. Because he is supposed to be playing a computer genius, Knudsen was almost immediately rattling off the “dreaded” technobabble.

“They pack all my dialogue into one day because we film most of my scenes in a barn, which is Alec’s workshop,” he notes. “So my first impression on my first day of work on Continuum was, ‘Holy cow, what did I get myself into,’ because it was a lot of work. Alec is very smart, which meant I had to learn all this technical jargon and lingo. All I can say is that the Internet is amazing; it gives you links to all these websites that basically tell you how to pronounce these words, so that was a big help for me.

“It takes a week for me to memorize all the dialogue that I have for my one day of shooting usually on Fridays,” continues Knudsen. “As far as prep, it consists of a couple of hours every day of me writing everything down, trying to memorize the words and just get the rhythm of it all. So in the beginning it was a little bit startling for me to play a character that knows so much about stuff that I don’t know anything about. Again it was a lot of memorization as well as preparation, but so far so good. I’ve learned a ton and because we’re coming to the end of filming, my mind is a little tired now, but it got a pretty good workout this season.

“Another challenge with this role is that I didn’t know too much about my character of Alec. I knew that he’s a farm boy who keeps to himself and does all this technical stuff in his family’s barn. As far as what comes down the road for him, well, he’s trying to deal with a woman from 2077 and what she’s telling Alec about himself as well as the future. How do you act like this is news to you? I can’t give away too much, but as the season goes on, he changes just like anyone else who is being told the kind of information that Alec is. When it comes to specifics, though, you’ll just have to watch,” teases the actor.

As his on-screen relationship is taking time to develop with the show’s leading lady Rachel Nichols, the actor’s off-screen rapport has solidified much quicker. “Rachel Nichols is incredible,” says Knudsen. “It’s always scary settling into a new show with a new cast because you don’t know what everyone is going to be like, but the whole Continuum cast is fantastic. Rachel is the coolest person to be working with on this show. She’s like one of the guys; Rachel is drama-free, she loves football, and coming into this show she’s learned to really love hockey, which is terrific.

“So Rachel is perfect and a pleasure to work with. I mean, she comes in on her day off just to help me out by doing her character’s off-screen dialogue. It’s difficult because we’re never face-to-face; I’m always in the barn and talking to her through a blue tooth. So we don’t get the usual actor interaction that you’d normally get, but we help out one another by reading off-camera for each other in order to develop the flow of the scenes and that care in the lines instead of just talking to one of the crew who’s reading the [off-camera] dialogue. At first we were concerned about how things would all play out if that was the case, but I’m happy to say it’s been fine.”

Having worked on a number of made-for-TV movies as well as played the lead role in YTV’s Mental Block and guest-starred on such TV series as Doc, Blue Murder and The Guardian, the Toronto-born Knudsen made his first major feature film appearance as Daniel Matthews in the 2005 horror flick Saw II.

“I was around 16 when I booked that job, and I was so excited,” recalls the actor. “I studied so hard for that role and wanted it so badly. I sat in the car before for audition and was really nervous, but at the same time I pumped myself up. Like most actors, when you finish an audition, you hate it and think you did horrible. However, I got a phone call telling me I got the role and I almost died. I couldn’t believe that I was going to be in the sequel to one of my favorite horror movies.

“So this was a dream come true, and any nervousness was soon overtaken by my excitement. We only had 21 days to shoot the movie and not a big budget at all. We filmed in this abandoned warehouse in Toronto and were working 16-hour days. At the time I had this really bad flu and was so sick. Also I was still young enough to need an on-set tutor. So I had to have two hours minimum of tutoring every day on top of working 16 hours and being sick. It was hard, but a good challenge for me. Funnily enough, my character is sick in the film, so I guess it actually worked out that I was sick in real life,” he jokes.

Not long after Saw II, the actor booked a series regular role in the CBS action/drama Jericho followed by four big screen projects including Scream 4. “I grew up watching the Scream movies, so it was awesome to work on Scream 4,” he enthuses. “As a kid I was terrified of the Scream mask, and here I was years later face-to-face with the real thing. It was an honor to work on such a classic movie with such an amazing and legendary director like Wes Craven, who I looked up to while growing up. It’s one of the best experiences of my life so far.”

In addition to Continuum, Knudsen can also be seen in episodes of the Canadian-made TV medical drama Saving Hope (premiering in June on NBC in the States) and writer/producer/ director Darren Lynn Bousman’s (Saw II) upcoming movie The Barrens. For the actor, having his name appear in the credits is not quite as important as the type of project he is working on.

“It’s really difficult because being an actor you don’t know when your next paycheck is going to come in, so you can’t always make the most artistic choices,” says Knudsen. “A lot of times you have to accept a role you’re not too thrilled about and might not really care for. Thankfully I have been really lucky and been working enough that I can choose projects that truly stand out to me, are well-written and a real challenge. I’m very grateful for that because right now I know a lot of people don’t have that luxury. A year from now that might all change, but right now I’m able to do that and I’m very happy with what I’ve chosen so far, including Continuum. I just saw some clips of the season finale and it’s going to be a great ride.”

Steve Eramo Continuum premiered Sunday, May 27th @ 9:00 p.m. EST/PST on Canada's Showcase network; the series will continue to air on this same day and time. As noted above, all photos have respective copyrights, so please no unauthorized copying or duplicating of any kind. Thanks!

Source: scifiandtvtalk

#erikknudsen #erik knudsen #continuum

[cinnamonest]

Since people actually liked it here's the continuation of the modern Xiao camgirl!darling post I cut from the original, as promised, most if it's under a cut. Here’s the original post. I didn’t think people would actually like the camgirl concept so I thought I was rambling too much and cut this part out lol but here it is now!

Tws: derogatory language/female slurs, mentions of reader being a cheater, reader is promiscuous, murder, incel-y mentality (our modern boy would be a 4chan user, look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong) and mentions of upsetting realistic things, this one's darker than the first part. If you're bothered by other modern stuff for being too realistic best avoid this too probably, involuntary pornography ---------- Coming up on one year since you gained your most loyal subscriber, you get a rather... Unsettling request. He has something he would like this month, in fact, he adds a few hundred to the regular amount (he's been saving up just for this) and asks for just the answer to one simple question. What's your name?

Your real name, he clarifies. He doesn't need a last name, nothing like that. It would just... Make him feel closer to you. He avoids using the term "anniversary," even though that's what comes to mind. He also doesn't tell you that he already knows, that this is just a test of your honesty. For someone who's so cautious, you would think you would think to give a fake name whenever you go to coffee shops for them to yell out, or change it on the packages you get. You hesitate. And it would be easy to give him a fake one, yet, you don't really think about it too much, you kinda think about that as an afterthought, what you should have done, but your very real name is typed out and sent before you really process it, and you feel a sort of unease, but it's already sent. No big deal. He can't do much with just your first name, right? If your name is common, you feel pretty safe, but even if it's a rarer one, surely there are other people with it, right? He's happy though. Kinda surprised, really, that you didn't lie to him. Maybe you trust him?

You're not stupid, you know something is wrong, you're becoming paranoid. And you connect the weird feeling to him, bc he goes radio silence for several days leading up to finally taking you. This dude who used to respond to any messages you sent within 10 seconds suddenly... It's like he disappeared? He hasn't responded to anything you send him ever since you said your name. You send him messages saying you haven't heard from him in a while and you're worried... The way you word it makes it sound like you're worried about him, but you both know that's not what you really mean. You're hesitant and suspicious of every guy you meet. You buy pepper spray and start carrying some around, you nearly spray a poor guy who you thought was trailing you, turns out he just lives in your building. He makes note of it. He watched you buy it, and is quick to realize you always hold it in the same hand. That must be your dominant hand, that's an important mental note for the future, since you're more likely to try to attack him with that hand. He'll remember. He has a note in his phone with information like that. Height, weight, birthday, social security number, parents' names, school she graduated from. All in little bullet points. He adds dominant hand to the list. He's not worried at all really. Already watched you struggle to carry packages he could lift with one hand, your strength doesn't cross his mind as a threat. At first he just doesn't know what to say, and that's why he stops responding, he feels too awkward but... He starts to enjoy the weird feeling of power the whole situation is giving him. You're worried, you're constantly paranoid, and it's because of him. Now you finally understand the same feeling you inflict on him, how you consume his thoughts every waking moment of every day. It used to irritate him that you held so much power over him, while he meant nothing to you. Now, the tables have turned. You're forced to have him constantly in your mind, whether you like it or not, just like you are in his. It's giving you what you deserve. It gives him a feeling of significance. He matters, even if it's not in a good way. And he keeps telling himself that once he's all you have, he'll matter even more. He's smart enough to realize that if you're paranoid, you might have mentioned him by username to someone else, so to ensure he knows what to do from this point, he has to sneak into your apartment at night as you sleep. It's so unbearably tempting, you have no idea -- you're right there and so vulnerable. He has to hold himself back because he knows that if he so much as touched you, he couldn't hold back. But it's torture, standing there so close, watching your chest rise and fall as he fiddles with the phone. Even when he unlocks it with your thumb, he tries to hold the phone from an angle to do so, even if the skin of his hand grazes yours, it would be too much. You have a lot of contacts across your messages and a bunch of different apps. You have one guy in your online chat you've exchanged far more messages with than anyone else! Hundreds upon hundreds of messages, and huge paypal cash drops, who the hell is -- oh, wait, that's him. Nevermind. But, to his pleasant surprise, he's the only one of your... customers that you regularly talk to, the rest just have a few paypal notifications or clarifications on your policies, but no actual conversations like you have with him. Of course, that's literally part of your deal, he's literally paying for it, but it makes him happy nonetheless. But as he goes through your personal messages, he finds that you are... in no shortage of options. Like, holy shit. It was kind of expected. You *are* really pretty, that's how you have so many followers after all, but this is a lot. So many contacts named some variation of "DO NOT ANSWER!!!" or "creepy guy that forced me to give him my number at the club", etc etc. Plenty of unsaved numbers texting you to never get a response. You've ghosted enough dudes to make your place haunted. It's... kinda awful, really. It also kinda hurts his heart a bit more than he expected. You have so, so, so many options, even without the cam thing, he's more insignificant than he even realized. ...Well, for now, at least. He'll be significant to you soon enough. And then you seem to have a sort of "boyfriend of the month" deal going on, aside from that. Plenty of male-name contacts whose last exchange is a "don't talk to me again!" message from you, plenty of messages corresponding to the same time as those to your girl friends about how you can't find a good guy and every relationship ends badly. How unfortunate. See, it's because you choose bad guys. You probably go for dicks and not.... well, he can't exactly pull the "nice guys like me" mentality, he doesn't delude himself into thinking he is one. He's lucid enough to realize that most nice guys would not be sneaking into your house and standing over your sleeping body to stalk your phone as they make plans to kidnap you. He knows he would probably fall under the classification of a creepy guy. He's just too far gone to care. Still, he would be so much better to you, he tells himself, not a cheater or a player like you complain about. To say he resents those kinds of guys -- ones that can do the unthinkable and actually talk to girls, let alone successfully, only to be assholes, and yet girls like you still go for them -- is an understatement. You're basically just a slut, you probably ignore all the guys that would be nice to you, just like all those internet forums he reads talk about. Typical.

Well, those forums also make fun of guys like him who pay for girls like you, but he can't blame them. It *is* kinda pathetic. There is one dude you talk to, though, now. Current boyfriend of the month, from the looks of it. You have a little heart emoji next to the name. He knows it's kinda pathetic that something so simple and insignificant sets him off, but it does, makes him pout and grind his teeth and curl his other hand into a fist. It's so unfair. Some dude you barely know gets to fuck you, and you haven't even known him nearly as long as you've known him! He doubts this dude -- hell, any of your boyfriends -- has put in the same amount of money that he has into you. They fuck you practically for free. And that, unfortunately for you, only solidifies his decision. If you're fucking some dude for a month because they buy you dinner every now and then, if we're going by that scale, then you owe him quite a good deal of pussy. Any hesitancy or guilt he had about the whole thing is gone. And he's a little mad. Keeps grumbling to himself that you're just a loose whore, fucking so many people and putting yourself out there on the internet. He wonders if they even know about what you do. Probably not, you probably don't tell them. Yeah, that sounds like what you'd do. Really, you're kinda lucky that someone like him is so willing to commit to you, since you are a slut. You don't deserve it, but he loves you anyway. And you'll probably have the nerve to be ungrateful for it too. Sigh. On the bright side, by some miracle, it would appear that you have not told any real-life people about him, you haven't sent out any hey if I disappear you should probably look into this creep type of messages. But he can't afford to have you doing so in between now and when you move in with him, so, he decides he has to act within the next 24 hours. While he's here, though, he decides to do a quick sweep of your place. Makes note of what snacks and drinks you like, what brand of toothpaste and shampoo and the like you use, so he can buy some for you. Maybe you'll adjust better if you have some of your favorite things. And then, after days of silence, he sends you a message, says it's fine, his internet went out for a few days. He means it to reassure you, but somehow it makes you feel more uneasy. He has everything planned out, or so he thinks. But you deviate from your usual schedule. When you leave work or class, you don't go home, you go somewhere else, first. How strange. Maybe picking up groceries? He follows from a distance. No, looks like you're going out to eat...? Maybe you're meeting friends or family or -- no that's a guy. Fuck. You must have planned this just earlier today, since there were no messages on your phone. It makes a bitter feeling rise in his gut. He hates that he can't get close enough to listen to your conversation. Well, he hates the whole thing, sits there and seethes the whole time. Watches you through the windows in the parking lot, thankfully you chose to sit outside. Feels his eye twitch and his hand clench every time you smile and laugh. It takes way too long. The fact that you split the bill feels like a punch to the stomach too. Shouldn't you be used to taking guys' money? Oh, and what's this...? This guy isn't the picture on boyfriend-of-the-month's contact. Well, well, well. You really are a whore. See, it's a very good thing he's taking you off the market. You're probably a reckless heartbreaker too. He's doing all the other men of the world a favor by taking on such a burden as you. And it makes him feel far more justified in keeping you locked away, since he has every reason to believe, now, that you'd run off and fuck someone else if given the chance. Halfway through, the guy briefly gets up and runs to the bathroom or something. While he's gone, he sees your face fall a bit. And then he sees you look around. You turn your head from one side to the other. Your eyes scan the area. You shuffle uncomfortably and you bite your lip and your eyebrows furrow. You're scared. You feel like -- no, you know you're being watched and it scares you. That makes him a little happy, for some reason. He wouldn't be sure what to do if you went home with the guy, but thankfully you don't. No big deal, this was just a bump in the road, he still beats you back to your building and he still goes through with the original plan. Even better, now that it's even darker outside. If anything, now he's got extra aggression and testosterone in his blood, running over the events in his head and going through some... very forceful and violent fantasies. The message he sent had you uneasy, and it's also how you immediately know what's going on when it does finally happen. You keep telling yourself you're being unnecessarily paranoid, that it's nothing, maybe that guy actually got his life together or got a girlfriend or something. Things like... What you fear, don't happen in real life, that's stuff that only happens in movies and stuff. You keep calling it that or it in your head. That won't happen to you. It's not going to happen. The series of events that play out in your head, scenarios you try to push out of your mind. Sure, in the movies it always takes place in the stairwell, but that's fiction, so you go up the apartment stairwell as always. You're not gonna let a bunch of B-grade old films scare you. And it's always some dude standing and waiting, but that nice young boy that you've never seen before is just leaning against the wall, scrolling on his phone, he only glances up for a second as you pass by, he's not a threat, you're being paranoid. You flash a smile and a little wave as you walk by, he doesn't return either, just looks back down at his phone. See? This guy doesn't even care, you're being paranoid for nothing, you tell yourself. But as you make the turn to go up the next set of stairs you hear the click of a phone being put on the lockscreen, a few metallic footsteps ringing out in the open hall and echoing, coming up right behind you, but for that split second you expect a tap on the shoulder, maybe he has a question, it's not like movies, it's not like movies, you're not gonna get a cloth shoved over your face and--- Well, it's not exactly like the movies. You were prepared, but it all happens in one motion - one hand grabs the hand with the spray and twists it, making you drop it, the other wraps some material over your mouth. You were prepared enough that you don't gasp in surprise, you hold your breath and thrash, but it doesn't make any difference, you wiggle and writhe for a few moments but can't even begin to break free, eventually succumb to the lack of oxygen and take a deep breath. It takes a few seconds to settle in, it's not so immediate. You instinctively panic and thrash again, but he has a complete iron grip. The dizziness takes a second to set in. He huffs a bit in frustration and says stop moving, it's fine. It's definitely not, but it occurs to you that that's not something a kidnapper looking for any potential vulnerable girl says. It's a poor attempt at comfort. It's someone specifically looking for you. And if that wasn't enough, he says your name. Your very real name. Maybe it was a mistake to tell him after all. But the worst part of it all is that there's not a single doubt in your mind, even in your panic you have the realization, it's definitely him and this is literally exactly what you were afraid of. And it's the last thing that goes through your head. And once he's got you out cold he just takes a sigh of relief. He may have been very neutral faced to you, but in reality he was incredibly nervous. He hasn't exactly made or used chloroform before, our boy is operating on YouTube tutorials here. He's got adrenaline pumping through his veins and carries you with his arms trembling. He's on autopilot carrying you out, but his mind is also consumed by holy fuck I'm touching her she smells so nice she's so warm her face is so close I'm actually touching her-- you get the idea. He feels bad about taping your hands and feet together and putting you in the trunk of his car, kinda. It feels too much like what a really bad person would do to a girl they didn't care about, like he's a trafficker or a murderer or a criminal or something, but that's not true at all. Sure, he's still mad at you for being a whore and all that, but it feels improper, he just has no choice. It's late at night, but he can't risk getting pulled or being at a stoplight and someone seeing an unconscious girl in his backseat, so, trunk it is. But once he's home, to his tiny little downtown apartment (he'll probably be able to move into a better place soon, since he's not paying you tons of money anymore), he takes a quick check to make sure the coast is clear, and drags you out, up the stairs, all the way into his apartment, sets you down on the bed, where you'll be staying. He even washed the sheets and cleaned the place up a bit for your arrival. You probably would not like to see what this place looked like before the five trash bags worth of cleaning was done. He'll probably be more motivated in the future, though, since now he won't be so depressed all the time. And then the adrenaline of the fear of being seen is over, and that's when it sets in that this is real. It's very, very hard to hold back. You're real, in the flesh, he can reach out and touch you with his hands! It feels like a dream. And he realizes he can take this opportunity to do things he would be far, far too embarrassed to do when you're awake. He takes a few minutes to do just that, cautiously reaches out to poke your face, and then run a hand down your neck, your skin is so soft! Your hair smells so nice, he lays down beside you and runs his fingers over it. Puts hands on your body and just lays there in awe of the fact that you're real. He's pretty certain he's never actually touched a human female before now. Everything about you feels soft. Weirdly feminine, which is something very foreign and confusing to him. And he kinda uh... Loses it. Goes buckwild with just taking in every aspect of you. Again, since you're unconscious he can be gross and entirely shameless about it. Peels your clothes off and runs his hands and mouth over every inch of flesh, takes the tape off your lips and presses his tongue into your limp mouth until he's forced to let go to breathe, fingers you and tonguefucks you and sucks on your nipples and your neck. Lays pressed against you and just breathes in your scent. It takes every ounce of self control he has not to fuck you already. But he does jerk off a few times. That way he'll last longer, so it's a win-win. And then... you twitch. Tape goes back over your mouth. And then, you twitch again. And this time, you make a little "mm!" under the tape, you start trembling and he sees you try to pull your hands apart. You whimper. It sounds scared and distressed. He feels kinda bad, but it also makes him hard, and that outweighs any guilt by far. Besides, it's what you deserve after what you did earlier. You tortured him mentally, it's only fair. On the good side of things, you suppose, you don't have to worry about the usual fears one would have over such a situation - you're fairly certain he's not going to kill you, nor sell you. In fact, the bed you wake up on is pretty soft. You're naked and the tape is uncomfortable, but... At least he was considerate enough to give you a blanket. He does care about you, after all. First thing he says is asking if you're awake. Can you hear me? You hesitate a moment, and then you nod. He's a bit new to this whole abduction thing. He wants to make sure he didn't pull a muscle or something with the tape. So... Do you hurt anywhere? Does your head hurt? Oh, right, the tape. He's not stupid either. You have to promise you're not going to scream. In fact, he's angry enough about earlier that he gets a bit meaner than he originally told himself he'd be. If you scream, I'll make you regret it. Understand? You nod, so he takes it off, holding it close in preparation in case you were lying, but you don't actually answer him, you're silent again for a minute, then just ask a question of your own. You're that guy, right? He's silent for a few seconds, there's no need for any clarification. Finally just says yeah. You just breathe again. Silently. Finally you summon the courage to ask him what he wants with you. And why are you doing this to me? And his answer is fairly simple. What do you think? You don't say anything for a minute, and neither does he. He's not good with words, and you don't really have ones for this situation. It occurs to you that offering to pay him to let you go is probably not the solution. After all, this is the guy that's dumped unimaginable amounts of money onto you, you couldn't even come close to paying him back. You figure maybe, after he gets what he wants... well, you get the courage to ask.  Is there anything... that I can do o-or... anything that will make you... are you gonna let me go, after you....? And the answer is, again, simple, but the one you did not want to hear. No. He's a blunt boy, so he doesn't beat around the bush, but he doesn't torment you by keeping anything from you. In fact, he's already rehearsed this speech a few hundred times in his head. He just wanted to make sure he's very clear so there's no misunderstanding, and while he likes some discomfort in a vengeful sort of way, he doesn't want you to be too freaked out to where you have a panic attack. He says he's just going to... keep you here. He has the things you'll need. He got your purse with your keys, so he'll even run to your apartment after this to go get some of your stuff. You don't need to tell him which number, he adds, he already knows which apartment you're in. He needs you here, he says. And he makes sure to add that it's your fault. If you were never out there selling yourself in the first place, this never would have happened. If you're good, he can make things a bit better for you. But you need to go ahead and accept that you're going to be staying and that no amount of begging or offers is going to convince him to let you go. He can be nice to you, he promises. A better boyfriend than the others. You just have to be a good girlfriend -- you know, obedient and sweet and do what he says. Just like you always were when you talked to him. Just keep being sweet like that and doing the things he tells you to do. You would argue that the terms boyfriend and girlfriend are not appropriate descriptors of the sort of relationship he's creating, but you keep that thought to yourself. Instead, you ask, How long are you going to keep me here? Which is a dumb question, since he's pretty sure he already made that clear. Forever. -----

There's a double homicide in the area. Takes place on the same night, and the same diameter of knife is used, so police believe maybe the two incidents are connected. Especially because they do have something in common, one girl. She was romantically involved with both of them. The girl in question's apartment has been vacated, very suddenly, and the girl has disappeared without a trace, taking things with her from the looks of it, so police believe she may be responsible, but other than that, they have no leads. A few weeks later, a video circulates all over the internet. Some famous camgirl finally started making porn, apparently. Just one video, but the description (which was totally written by her, it has to be since it's written in first person right?) says something about how she decided to quit camming, so this video marks the end of her career. She got into a relationship, so she says in the description, so she has to quit. It's roleplay porn, apparently, she's doing a good job at the acting. All tied up and gagged and getting fucked by some big-dicked guy holding the camera. He's silent, but she's making a ton of noise, cums several times. Really good acting, the fear and desperation in her eyes looks so real. Talk about going out with a bang. It gets a lot of likes. Tons of comments about how sad people are she's quitting. And of course, a lot of comments say, what a lucky guy.

#.camgirl

[shroudcore]

Speak now, or forever hold your peace. (III)

Summary: You successfully convinced Eliza to stop the wedding. Unfortunately (or is it really), Eliza has come to a solution that she thinks would be best for everybody and it’s happening no matter what. 

Idia x GN!reader. Reader is MC, or takes the role of MC in this story.

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

Warnings: none

As if by some miracle, he was still standing—even after you failed to convince Eliza how unnecessary a wedding would be. Now face-to-face with you on the altar, he still couldn’t believe how things turned out. This wasn’t  supposed to happen in real-life. Things like these were the stuff of movies. Or anime. Or dating sims. 

Ace, Epel, Rook, and Riddle were freed at your request. They, along with Ortho, were now arranging the paralyzed students into chairs, since Eliza refused to let them move for disrespecting the “couple”. When you ran out of excuses, some heavily opposed the impromptu wedding. Idia knew why: he wasn’t the only one in NRC who liked you like that. He’d been aware of some schoolmates’ attempts to romance you for a while now. Really, all you had to do was pick a route. 

How did he know, you might ask? It’s not like he secretly researched and listed down his competition so he could keep an eye on them. 

Alright… maybe he did. Heat crawled up to his neck at the thought of anyone finding out. 

“So… we’re getting married,” you said, pulling him out of his thoughts. You spoke slowly, as if testing the words in your mouth. Like him, you couldn’t quite wrap your head around the fake wedding just yet. You fidgeted more than usual—barely looking at his face or talking to him since you joined him at the altar. 

Were you thinking of the same thing? The inevitable kiss after you say your vows?

A weak hum was all he could manage. A smile appeared on your face, showing that you understood. You didn’t tell him to speak up; you never told him to. Somehow, the sight of that smile put him at ease like a recovery potion after a Despair battle ailment. It felt like another day in his room, the two of you hanging out and eating candy. 

“Nice suit, by the way.” 

“Th...anks?” Idia turned his head to the side. If he looked at you any longer, he might combust. Not that he didn’t already. Which was embarrassing btw.

You inched closer, making him gasp and jump back as multiple alarms went off in his head. Really… mind the Personal Space Bubble! Oh wait… that’s right. He’d stopped telling you off for getting too close long ago. 

Your face flashed a look of surprise, which quickly faded into concern as you observed him. When you whispered, your breath grazed his neck and ear. Hopefully his shudder escaped your notice. 

“You okay?” Immediately, you backtrack. “Wait, that was stupid. I know you’re not.”

“So many people watching...” he mumbled. His eyes quickly scanned the hall. “I can’t do this.” And he ended it there. You didn’t need to know how he felt about marrying you.

Again, you understood. Your smile faded and Idia found himself missing it immediately as it went. 

“Sorry, I...” you look down, fiddling with your fingers again. “I really should’ve tried harder to stop this.” 

Idia silently wished for dialogue options, because he didn’t quite know what to say to that. However, it looked like he didn’t need to. You took his hand and squeezed it, a determined fire flickering behind your eyes. 

“This’ll be over soon. Just hold on,” you said, squeezing his hand. “It’s just another quest, player 1.”

At the familiar nickname, he smiled in spite of his thumping heartbeat and everything that had happened. “Let’s do it, player 2.”

“Let us proceed with the ceremony!” Eliza, who had been watching the two of you closely, was eager for the wedding to commence. She clasped her hands in anticipation, looking no different from a normie watching a Rom-com. At her command, the wedding music played again—the same one as before. You gave Idia a look and shrugged. 

“Can’t believe we’re getting married to this music...”

“Sounds like doom, doesn’t it?” 

“Isn’t that what marriage is? Doom?” 

“Haha! E-exactly…” Normally, he would’ve agreed wholeheartedly. This time, he couldn’t help but wonder if that’s how you felt marrying him. 

The ghost officiant returned to the makeshift altar (maintaining a good distance from you). Each NRC student who had the misfortune of attempting a proposal sat in a chair, watching the event. You smiled reassuringly, eyes sparkling like embers. 

“We are gathered here today to unite these two lovers in the bonds of matrimony,” the officiant begins. The darkness of the hall gave him quite a sight: the flickering flames of his hair illuminating your face in blue light. Seeing it, when in the safety and darkness of his room, made him feel this warm, fuzzy feeling he thought was reserved for 2D characters. 

“Do you, Idia Shroud, take … as your lawful spouse, to have and to hold from this day forward—for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, keeping yourself solely unto them for as long as you both shall live? If so, answer " I do". 

This’ll never happen in real life. “I do.” I don’t have a chance, do I?

Confessing would only ruin the bond he had with you. If it meant never losing your friendship, then this fake wedding would be enough. 

He looked at you, standing in front of him as you were about to say your own vows and silently implored Mnemosyne to burn this scene into his memory forever. 

“Do you take Idia Shroud as your lawful husband, to have and to hold from this day forward—for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, keeping yourself solely unto him for as long as you both shall live? If so, answer "I do."”

It seemed that you were doing the same. Idia faltered under the intensity of your gaze. “I do.”

“I now pronounce you as spouses. You may now kiss!”

Here it comes. CODE RED! CODE RED!

The way Idia’s face burned rivaled that of his hair. He was becoming hyper-aware of the snickers coming from his schoolmates. Seeing you made him worse—the corners of your mouth twitched and your shoulders shook as you fought back a laugh. 

“Hey! We’re about to kiss and you’re laughing?!” he cried, covering his face. “Kill me now.”

Just like that, your quiet and tender moment was gone. You couldn’t hold it in anymore. Covering your face like he did, you erupted in giggles. Peeking out from the gaps of his fingers, Idia thought about #3 from the Signs of Attraction list he found on the Internet: 

“Another unconscious sign of attraction is mirroring, or matching another person's movements. When people are interested in one another, researchers have found that they tend to mimic each other's movements and gestures.”

Nah. Can’t be. He would have thought it was cute, if you weren’t laughing at his expense. 

“S-sorry! Your hair’s just—” another round of giggles interrupted you. “...burning really brightly!” 

“I can’t help it, okay?” he said, face red from annoyance and of course, the thought of what you were about to do. “Stop!” 

You tried to stop, but just the sight of his red face and hair sent you into another round of wheezing laughter. So hard you laughed, that an inhuman sound came out of you. Immediately, you stopped and looked at him, eyes wide. 

But it was Idia’s turn to lose it. 

“You… sound like… a Minecube pig!” he said, each word punctuated by uncontrollable peals of laughter. The wedding attendees had no choice but to watch on as you and your groom wheezed at the altar instead of kissing. 

“Baaya, what is wrong with them?” a confused Eliza asks. 

“I do not know, but it is apparent that they were made for each other.”

It wasn’t until the annoyed officiant cleared his throat that you and Idia stopped. You straightened up, wiping tears from your eyes as you tried to catch your breath. It was only then that your expression turned serious, but not without a few traces of your mirth from a few seconds ago. 

“Idia, we don’t have to—I’m really, really sorry about this, okay?” you whisper to him. “I know how much you value your firsts…”

“It’s fi—”

“...not that I’m assuming you haven’t had your first uh, kiss yet but—oh god, I uh… ” 

No dating sim—nothing could have prepared him for this situation. But strangely, laughing his ass off with you gave him a spark of courage that he rarely ever felt. In a moment, he would be kissing you. He hopes that courage lasts. 

“Let’s get this over with,” Idia surprised even himself with how steady his voice sounded.

“Oh…” 

You were still, staring at him open-mouthed for what seemed like a few minutes. He stared back, until you were forced to avert your gaze to the ground. Something told him that he was doing something right. A lone voice from the audience chanting “Kiss!” pulled the two of you back to reality. Someone was making an obnoxious kissing sound. Neither of you dared to look and see who it was. 

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” the ghosts joined in on the chant. 

Shyly, you lifted your head back up. “O-okay. Here goes nothing!”

He tried recounting how first kisses were described by people on the Internet, from his manga, and the countless dating sims he played. Some said there were fireworks. Some said it felt electric. Some described the feeling as the rest of the world falling away. One swore it made them feel like the ground disappearing beneath their feet and before they knew it, they were floating. 

Should he close his eyes? Which side should he tilt his head? Where does he put his hands? How exactly do you kiss? Questions, panicky thoughts, and movie kissing scenes ran through his head like a computer reading code. When you leaned in, someone pressed ‘mute’ on the sounds in the hall and all that was left was him and you. 

When you held his face in your gloved hands, it was Error 404. He let his eyes flutter closed. When everything went dark, all he felt was the shy, feather-light brush of lips against the corner of his mouth. Not quite on his lips, just dangerously close. 

Purer than a first kiss, but more than just a friendly peck. The students of NRC witnessed Idia’s hair at its most fiery just the same. 

~~

To be continued. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA Characterization hard

Hehe, hope you liked this. Part 4, the finale, coming soon. 

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

#twst x reader #idia x reader #idia shroud x reader #idia shroud #twisted wonderland x reader #twst fic

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

Lila Rossi: I’d Say She’s a Good Villain, but Then I’d Be Lying (300 Follower Special)

Deception and cunning are easily two of the most important traits an antagonist could have. It shows that even if they don't have the strength to overcome obstacles, their wit is more than enough. This kind of trait is why characters like Lex Luthor, David Xanatos, and Princess Azula are so beloved, simply because of how intelligent they can be as villains and pose a real threat to the heroes.

It's clear that the Miraculous Ladybug writers want Lila to be seen as this, but the writing seriously fails to back that claim up.

Easily one of the most controversial characters in Miraculous Ladybug is Lila, mainly for the writing surrounding her. But there was a time where she was actually more of an ambiguous character, mainly for the lack of screentime she had until Season 3. But unfortunately, the more appearances she's had have painted a very poor portrait of an antagonist.

Lila's Tragic and Sympathetic Motivation for Hating Ladybug

Lila's first appearance was at the tail end of Season 1, “Volpina”. She was a new transfer student from Italy, and quickly made friends with a lot of her classmates for the lies she told, including being friends with Ladybug (which Alya blindly believed without doing any research like any excellent journalist). But because of how close she was getting to Adrien, Marinette, in a rare act of selfishness, transforms into Ladybug just to chew out Lila for lying about knowing her, humiliating her in front of Adrien. And this is the only motivation we get for what Lila does afterwards.

I'm not saying that it's wrong for Lila to get upset at Ladybug for doing this, and I like the moment of weakness Marinette has, but this is literally the only explanation we get for Lila deciding to side with Hawkmoth, a literal terrorist. As much as I hated the way the arc turned out, I could still understand Chloe siding with Hawkmoth, as it was clear that Hawkmoth was manipulating her and taking advantage of her ego. Lila? Ladybug's mean to her one time, and that inspires her to conspire with a complete stranger who brainwashes people to attack the city, which endangers innocent people and causes God knows how much in collateral damage if not for Miraculous Ladybug fixing everything.

I just don't get how a single negative interaction with someone is enough to conspire with a literal supervillain. Even in Season 3, when Marinette and Lila truly became enemies, it was because she risked exposing all the lies she told, which could damage her reputation. Sure, it's petty, but it makes sense for Lila to want to keep up the illusion. If she was simply an antagonist to Marinette in her civilian life like Chloe was before “Miracle Queen” , I'd be fine with that, but the writers clearly want her to be seen as on the same level of evil as Hawkmoth. I'll get into why that doesn't work later on.

Why Lila is an Excellent Liar

In my Master Fu analysis, I had pointed out that despite all the flaws he had, the narrative insisted on portraying him as an incredibly wise mentor. The same problem applies for Lila as well. We're supposed to see Lila as an expert manipulator and liar, but her lies are insultingly obvious. She always claims to be friends with celebrities and does all these awesome things, and in an age where we can have almost any question answered thanks to the internet, nobody ever stops to question her.

It's even more frustrating when you hear Lila talk about saving Jagged Stone's cat, when Jagged Stone is established to be very fond of Marinette (evidentially more than his own daughter), and nobody ever points that out. I think if Lila's lies were more stories about her travels around the world than outright lies about real people, it could have worked. It'd still be hard to believe, but it's something.

But this is a problem with writing shows aimed at children. As much as we hate writers who need to spell out things to kids, sometimes, they just don't understand some of the media they consume. Seriously, I never got this joke in SpongeBob as a kid, and I can't believe Nickelodeon actually approved this.

So the dilemma when writing a show with children in mind is finding that sweet spot between assuming your audience can figure it out, but not being too vague in your details. It's even harder when you need to find a way to convey the fact that someone is lying without being too obvious. Unfortunately, the show clearly fails to do that

Okay, this is going to sound like an incredibly weird thing to cite, and I only know about it because I used to know someone who was a huge fan of the franchise, but the movie Monster High: Friday Night Frights does a better job of subtly explaining to the audience that a character is lying. Please, just hear me out.

The movie follows the main characters competing in their high school's roller derby for the season after everyone on the usual team gets injured, and the championship match is against another school whose team tends to cheat to win matches. How they manage to do this without getting caught is anyone's guess. While the main characters are practicing, their coach, Clawd, notices a spy for the enemy team taking video of them to study their moves. In response, he calls over one of the athletes, Operetta, to chew her out for her showboating attitude. In reality, he's alerting her to the spy. Only using facial expressions, he clues her, and by extension, the audience, in on the fact that they know what the opposing team is trying to do.

This soon leads to Operetta pretending to tell the enemy team about their secret plan for the championship match, which was really an attempt to outsmart them to gain the advantage in the final stretch. The brilliance of this is how the audience is informed of this with no dialogue, and there's no scene afterwards spelling it out for those who don't get it. It manages to convey deception without being too obvious that Clawd and Operetta are being deceitful.

I think if there were more subtle hints to show the audience Lila was lying, she would be seen in a better light. As it is, Lila's lies are just pathetic, and it's ridiculous that everyone believes her. Which leads me to...

Lila, the Master Manipulator

I once read a Star Trek: Voyager fanfic that poked fun at the series by claiming that the reason a lot of the dumber episodes like “Threshold” and “Twisted” happened was because one of the crew members was an alien who unintentionally produced mood altering pheromones, with Captain Janeway actually realizing they were all high because of said pheromones, while two of the unaffected crew members were wondering what the hell they were doing before they found out the cause. Why do I bring this up? Sometimes, it feels like Lila is an unintentional parallel to the alien in that story.

Like so many characters, it's clear the show desperately wants the audience to view Lila in a certain way, but her actions do very little to actually back up that claim. When she's not using lies to tell stories about so many famous people she knows like her uncle who works for Nintendo, Lila is using strategies to manipulate everyone that are so obviously deceptive, the Thermians could pick up on them. Everyone and their mother knows how ridiculous a lot of what Lila does in episodes like “Chameleon” and “Ladybug” are, and I've talked about them before, so I'll try to be quick.

First off, as someone who had access to accommodations through high school and has had assistance in college so far, there is no way in hell that Ms. Bustier should take Lila's tinnitus at face value in “Chameleon”. If a student has a disability that could interfere with the education process, physical or developmental, not only does the school have to evaluate their performance, and determine if they're eligible for an Individualized Education Program, or IEP, but her teachers would have to be notified in the first place. As her primary educator, Ms. Bustier would be part of the team to oversee Lila's IEP and determine what accommodations she needs to help her learn better with her tinnitus and arthritis. But because the writers don't know what Google is, they just ignore it,  assume that Lila can just say she has a disability, and have everyone believe it. Even when Eric Cartman pretended to be disabled to compete in the Special Olympics, he put in more effort to look the part, even if he looked like a caricature.

Then there's the fact that that in “Chameleon”, everyone just believes Lila when she says Marinette stole her grandmother's necklace when not only is said necklace from the Agreste line of jewelry, but Alya, who is Rena Rouge, can't pick up on the fact that it's a fake. All she does to justify these lies is come up with a sob story about how nobody believes her, yet nobody ever tries to defend Marinette except Alya one time, and it was after she got expelled.

Or what about in “Oni-Chan”, where Lila thinks having Kagami kill Ladybug while claiming she'll back away from Adrien is a good idea? Let's say Oni-Chan does kill Ladybug or at least take away her Miraculous, what then? We know Lila wouldn't go through with this promise, and as soon as Kagami sees her harassing Adrien, she'll be ripe for akumatization again. Overall, not a great plan.

And yet somehow, this last example is what made her worthy enough to become one of Hawkmoth's most trusted agents. I'm just going to say it: Lila is not a good fit for the power of illusion. Whenever she's Volpina or Chameleon, she always goes out of her way to make a big show instead of being subtle with her deceptions. “Chameleon” is the worst offender, as even though Lila gets the power to shapeshift into someone else, instead of being discreet and cornering people into kissing them and gaining their appearance, she just runs around to get Ladybug's attention instead of being subtle. Even Felix had the bright idea to pretend to be Adrien to catch Ladybug off guard. How do you lose to something that happened in “Felix”?

Despite all of these screw-ups, we're still supposed to see her as this master of deception worthy of allying with Hawkmoth in both his supervillain and civilian form, when really, she's a terrible liar on the schoolyard and on the battlefield.

Why Lila is an Important Character

In the grand scheme of things, Lila just isn't as important of a character that the show loves to parade her around as. She's nothing more than a plot device used to raise the stakes in an episode, given how much reality seems to bend over just to accommodate for her lies. Even when the show alludes to her being part of bigger things, like her deal with Adrien, or her rivalry with Marinette, they don't even go anywhere.

She just feels pointless when you remember Astruc's brilliant idea to force Chloe into being the final Akuma for the season while Lila isn't even mentioned once. She only really makes appearances whenever the writers feel like it, which is why it’s hard to take her seriously. Why should I take this character seriously as a threat if the writers refuse to take her seriously as a threat? Why build Lila up as a big threat and not give her a major role in the finale? Why even include her in the show in the first place when you could show Chloe being more manipulative to fill in the plots Lila plays a big part in?

As of the time I am writing this analysis, four episodes of Season 4 have aired, three of them have been about lies or deception, and Lila hasn't been mentioned at all. It honestly seems like she won't appear unless the writers need a easy way to drive up the conflict, so they can justify it by saying that Lila's “superpower” of lying is more powerful than the common sense of everyone else.

I'm sorry this post was shorter than the last one, but compared to Master Fu, there's not that much to say about Lila that I haven't already said. Even the show barely gives her any attention, so it's hard for me to really find a lot to talk about.

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #thomas astruc #thomas astruc salt #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #lila rossi #volpina #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir #gabriel agreste #hawkmoth #hawk moth #shadowmoth #shadow moth #alya cesaire #rena rouge #kagami tsurugi #ryuuko #ryuko #riposte #oni chan #onichan #caline bustier #zombizou

[itsmaddienotmaddy]

Okay my ass passed tf out post game. But I just woke up again and can’t NOT put my lukewarm takes on the Internet.

USWNT v SWEDEN

Alyssa - did what she could? I’m sure she expected plenty of shots on goal because Sweden has proven to always be a solid opponent but I don’t think she was ready to be called upon all game. But there wasn’t a time where I was like ‘dang, maybe if Alyssa was a better keeper, we wouldn’t be down’. She was fine.

Becky - I find her hard pressed to say anyone did well, but all things considered, Becky was okay. She was carrying the ball forward more than usual, seemingly holding onto it a bit too long sometimes. But no one was really open for her, so what tf was she supposed to do.

Crystal - thank sweet baby Jesus for her recovery runs and slide tackles. I would not like to know what a score line would be without them. She unfortunately was super overloaded which caused a lot of uncharacteristic giveaway passes in dangerous spots. To her credit, she showed a lot of creativity breaking out of the three players that seemed to close in on her. But our midfield and forwards really hung her out to dry not offering outlets for her to pass to.

Abby - this was a tough game for Abby. She was getting caught on the outside shoulder instead of covering inside and allowed the center backs to be split on numerous occasions. She did have a few of her typical nice diagonal long balls. But really seemed frantic and was beat to the ball in the box on the goals.

Kelley - in the same camp as Becky. Of nothing detrimental. But nothing incredible. She wasn’t given the same amount of pressure as Crystal which made things better. But her passes could have been cleaner, crosses could have been more direct.

Tierna - things were pretty dismal by the time she came in. She did decent for the time left though. Not sure it would have helped anything but her height definitely could have beneficial to us as a center back earlier in the game.

Lindsey - not her day as the 6. She managed it well through the summer series and send off games, but Sweden is so different than the teams they played. She got lost. She was so needed to be Crystals outlet and to be that person that helped move the ball from side to side to break Sweden down. She was almost timid, it was weird. She started doing a bit better when she was back in her normal position. But the team was already back on their heels at that point so it didn’t help.

Rose - well god dammit. Rose was out there trying! It wasn’t working, but you could tell that she was not having it and was trying to make something happen. She was key in the passing combos the US managed to string together. Most glimmers of good came with her involvement. She still fell victim to holding the ball too long and passing directly to Sweden but I did appreciate her effort!

Sam - oh goodness, poor Sammy Bananas. This was not her game. She seemed like she was hiding behind Swedish players. She wasn’t open for anyone to pass to. And when she had the ball, more often than not, she was passing it to Sweden. It was hard to watch after she’s been playing so well. I will give a small positive that on a couple plays, she found her stride and did what she does best, driving the ball up centrally, pulling defenders, and passing out wide for a cross in. She needed off at half though, glad Vlatko pulled her.

Julie - well shit balls I really wish she was 100%. Her being in wasn’t a game changer. I mean, duh they still scored twice in the second half. But there were moments I was like, oh yeah. That’s what it’s like to have Julie Ertz playing the 6. That’s nice. She is far from full game fit though, and you could tell she’s nervous going 150% into hard tackles. And with being out for all the buildup games, her chemistry with everyone is a little off.

Kristie - she wasn’t in long. But she’s was running her butt off. Like Tierna, it’s not like she could do much to help. She didn’t do anything to hurt though. Her energy was good to see, who knows if her coming in earlier could have sparked something. (Probably not but it’s fun to dream)

Alex - welp. She was in there. Few decent runs into the box. Was there for the header off Christen’s beautiful first half cross. But very lost, not connecting, I had no issue with. Vlatko pulling her at half for Carli.

Tobin - after the excitement of her return in the Mexico games, it sucked to see her like this. To her credit, she was all over the damn pitch trying to make things happen. But in doing so, was out of position which didn’t make switching the field easier. Sweden had to time for her foot skills and just bodied her off of things. She had some of our most promising offensive plays though. And history has proven that pissing Tobin off means she is going to pop off. Waiting for that!

Christen - the goal post is not her friend. So rude. She also gave us some of our closest goal opportunities. But dang. She needed to be helping Crystal on defense big time. And she needed to provide a better outlet pass and not just the option of a ball over the top. I honestly forgot she was out there sometimes which was uncharacteristic.

Carli - I was actually happy to see her come in. But she couldn’t break the funk the team was in. I’m sure a game like this will make her work harder, so maybe that’s good. I don’t know.

Pinoe - came in with a little spark. She was a positive sub. But we were such a mess at that point it didn’t do much. I wish she was full ninety fit, we needed her chaos.

All in all. We all watched the mess. We know. They were outplayed. Sweden is fucking GOOD. We just played them, it wasn’t a surprise. At least, it shouldn’t have been. Maybe it’s the Sweden Olympic curse. Maybe it’s because the USWNT has been go go go all year and has run themselves a little ragged with the camps and friendlies along with NWSL. Doesn’t matter. They knew the Olympics were coming. They weren’t good enough and I hope they turn it around.

Hopefully next game we can remember what jerseys we’re wearing so we can pass to the right team and everyone gets a good night sleep so we can LOOK ALIVE OUT THERE.

#uswnt #alyssa naeher #becky sauerbrunn #abby dahlkemper #crystal dunn #kelley o'hara #tierna davidson #lindsey horan #sam mewis #kristie mewis #rose lavelle #julie ertz #alex morgan #tobin heath #christen press #carli lloyd #megan rapinoe

[princessofprocrastination]

Not Suitable (Quackity)

MASTERLIST

pairing : quackity x female reader

summary : quackity has always had a specific vision of what he wants his partner to look like and certain qualities he wants in them. unfortunately for you, you are the opposite of what he wants. (ANGST) 

-

as a kid, you loved the whole girly look. you wore dresses, short heels that came in a princess toy set, and wore pink lipstick all the time. 

but as time passed, as you grew older, your look changed completely. you like to say that you simply matured, that it wasn’t at all serious. slowly but surely as you were in your teenage years, your favourite colour became black. 

that didn’t mean you didn’t like pink or these other “girly” colours. sometimes, you’d even incorporate some of those bright colours in your outfits to make a statement. you just seemed to like black, it matches with everything. 

although you kept wearing black outfits or have black or dark nail polish on, your hair never stayed black or a dark colour. you just hated the look of the natural colour on yourself. it sure did fit other people, though. 

you liked to describe your style as trendy. you always follow the trends of recent times and wore what you thought looked good on you. 

-

you sat down next to sapnap, dream in the next room. you and sapnap had been friends since highschool. you skipped a grade, making yourself one of the youngest in that class which meant that you were lonely and no one really wanted to make friends with you. 

but that quickly changed when nick came up to you and offered to eat lunch with you. since then, he had been your soulmate. platonic soulmate. 

of course, being friends with nick meant that you were bound to meet the other two boys that he considered his best friends, too. it just so happens that you, george and clay ended up building an amazing friendship really quickly.

three guy bestfriends. that technically equals to having three big, protective big brothers. they really cared about you and you can see that, even if they often make fun of you. 

nick started his stream, facecam on as you sat on an extra gaming chair that clay had next to nick. you typed away on your phone as he started rambling about random things while waiting for more people to come on. 

apparently today you and nick were meant to play some scary game, you controlling the keyboard, him on the mouse. nick often forgot that it takes you a lot to get scared. 

“we’re making this video inspired by quackity and karl’s stream from a while ago.” nick told his stream, you nodding your head to agree. 

you smiled softly at the name he mentioned. quackity. it was apparent to everyone that you had some sort of crush on him. the small smiles, the little blush that rose to your cheeks if someone were to mention your ship name or tease you about it. 

it was all too obvious. of course the three boys you call your best friends knew, you’d never keep such a secret from them. but no matter how annoying the boys can be, they never once told anyone else about your not-so-little crush. 

but that didn’t mean they didn’t tease you. they enjoyed it whenever your face would turn red, whether it being you’re embarrassed or you’re mad. 

the only weird part is that nowadays, they don’t even bother to tease you anymore, not like they used to. you knew they were hiding something from you, you just didn’t know what they were hiding. 

for example, you seated next to sapnap, grinning as he mentions quackity’s name. he would never let you live down that moment. he’d tease you senseless. but this time, he only glanced at you and looked back to the stream.

and what was that? seemed like a pity glance. almost looked like he felt bad. 

you two continued the stream as the ‘scared counter’ keeps going up as sapnap keeps getting scared, you constantly laughing at him. 

“HOW ARE YOU NOT EVEN FLINCHING?” nick screams in your ear. 

“cause i’m not a pussy.” you answered him simply. 

“oh shut up, will you.” he rolled his eyes, you laughed at him being a scaredy-cat. 

you two played for a while more as the counter on the bottom left of the stream screen gets higher and higher. soon enough it reached it’s limit which meant that sapnap needed to end his stream. 

-

it was weird how time works. one second, things were mellow and slow, just like how your everyday is, and the next second, your name was trending everywhere. 

you didn’t even want to check why at first, since you knew how weird and surprising your followers are.

“dude, you need to check twitter.” nick told you in a hurry while he runs from the second floor, to the kitchen in the first floor where you were sitting, editing a video for your channel. 

so you did exactly that. you scrolled through the trending page and clicked on your name. then, you saw hundreds, if not thousands edits and videos of quackity and your video. 

the video of yours that was posted was the part when you smiled at the mention on quackity’s name but as you scrolled more, it seemed that everyone had dug through and collected snippets of you blushing or smiling when quackity was mentioned or when you were on call with him. 

you and quackity were no stranger to each other. the two of you knew each other, sapnap and him being friends and all. you just couldn’t help but fall for him. he’s just extremely charming. 

although your exterior showed otherwise, you really swooned just by looking at his pictures. 

and that’s why all the stans are going crazy. they didn’t think you’d fall for someone, especially not a man who act like a child on the internet. but you can’t predict people, especially not who they like, or more, love. 

you slowly panicked. this was embarrassing to you. more so that it’s all over the internet. there was no way you could erase all of the posts. 

on the outside, you looked composed, like it didn’t effect you at all. but nick knew you well, he knew you had a million thoughts in your head at that point. 

you were just a second close to getting into a panic attack. “hey, hey. calm down, everything’s good.” nick coos in your ear as he pulls you close to him. he knew that you hated to be left alone when you panic. 

you hated this feeling. it felt so unnecessary and it felt like you were making matters bigger than it actually is. 

but the boys would tell you otherwise, they’d make sure that thought leaves your head as soon as it reached.

your body being rocked back and forth helped you calm down as you slowly start to forget the reason of your panic in the first place. 

-

when you do come back to stream regularly, you tried to play off like nothing had happened, like it was all a dream. 

that is one bad habit you couldn’t get rid of for some reason. you liked to just run away from your problems, big or small. you would often play it off like it didn’t matter to you, eventhough it is very much the opposite. 

you’re just scared of getting hurt. you didn’t want to hear the rejection, you could never brace yourself for that kind of pain. 

but somehow this was different. you braced yourself. you didn’t know what drove you to it, but you did. maybe it was the small signs your friends showed you that you never noticed. it was like you knew that rejection was bound to happen, and that this one would hurt the most. 

you told yourself that you would never let yourself get hurt over someone, especially males. it just never made sense. they were never really worth your time, anyways. 

although personally you’ve never ended a relationship of yours badly, just maturely, you’ve read and heard how painful relationships can be. and you never understood why people kept going back into relationships when they hurt so much. 

but you get it. he’s simply addicting. you felt like you couldn’t distance yourself from him. but you needed to. and you knew that. all your friends told you that. 

you weren’t going to let some man put you down because of what you look like. 

granted, it hurt at first, but you learnt to heal, you learnt that although he probably isn’t going to be the only man who hurts you, you needed to suck it up and not show him the pain you felt. you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. 

to summarise it all. quackity finally beat around the bush and came out with a statement on his own on his stream. 

content creators or public figures often learn that they need to leave things for private, that they can’t spill everything out for people to hear. that causes drama. 

but he didn’t stand back at all. everything he thought about you was shared on stream for all his viewers to know. maybe you liked him for his persona after all, not the real him. 

-

“talk about it?” quackity read his donation. 

“sure, i will.” he started. here it comes. 

nick told you that in order to heal and move past the pain quickly, you can’t run away from your problems, to face the current issue. so he made you watch quackity’s stream. 

you didn’t feel like shedding a single tear today because of how exhausted you are from crying for hours on end, but still agreed to your bestfriend’s wishes to sit through a long stream. 

to be honest, you weren’t expecting him to speak on it, given the amount of time he’s waited. it’s been a couple months since it happened so you could only imagine the shock of his viewers when he finally did say something. 

maybe the constant spam finally got to him.

“she’s not my type, chat.” he said. oh, that wasn’t so bad. no pain just yet. 

“she’s far from it.” okay that pinched you a little. were you really that bad. you waited for his explanation. 

“she looks so emo all the time, it’s scares me. does she ever not wear black?” ouch. and yes, yes you do.

“she’s just not what i like in women. i like soft girls who are respectful and know when to keep their mouth shut and definitely a little more conservative.” whoa. okay, maybe that hurt extra than the rest. 

you turned to nick, he had the same shocked look on his face, clearly not expecting to hear that come out of his good friend’s mouth, especially on stream. 

quackity doesn’t end there. he pulls out his phone, typing away. soon he pulled up a picture of you from your instagram account, showing his stream. 

“she looks like she barely graduated highschool. she’s not one with a future, chat. just stop shipping us. i don’t like that.” he finally finishes, locking his phone and putting it down, continuing playing his game from earlier. 

you closed your eyes for a while, trying to process it all. 

“are you going to cry?” your bestfriend says from next to you. you shook your head. 

“i’m furious.” you told him, voice soft but slightly menacing. 

“holy shit. i’ve been waiting for this.” nick says, jumping in his seat. you knew exactly what he meant. 

you aren’t the type to get mad. you only got mad jokingly. and as much as you look emo and depressed all the time, you’re practically a walking sunshine, you just don’t show it due to your resting bitch face. 

and although nick and you have been friends for god knows how long, it wasn’t often he saw you mad. and it excites him to see you enraged, to say the least. to him, you always ‘pop off’ when you’re mad. 

you made sure you cooled off slightly before you go off on the man. you didn’t want to do things you would regret, after all. but to you, you didn’t think you’d regret anything at this point. 

you waited a couple days before you tweeted something. 

it was simple, your tweet. just two photos. first, it was a photo of your acceptance letter to harvard law school from a year ago, followed by a photo of you carrying thick and heavy textbooks for school that was taken by nick when he visited you in campus. 

it was captioned, “not one with a future.” simple, but it was obvious that this was going to blow up. you looked up from your phone to nick before you tweeted it. 

you two shared a smile. a grin, if you will. it was like the two of you knew what that tweet would do. 

you knew this was going to be surprising to your followers, too. you’ve never spoken about going to school after highschool. sure, if they scrolled far enough on your channel and listened through everything, they might know you skipped grades, which was the reason you met nick but most of them didn’t know. and you didn’t blame them. 

what you would blame them for is that they sat and listened to everything quackity said in that stream. they all thought you were just one dumb, depressed girl who had no future. one that relied on a social media career. 

only if they knew how wrong they are. well, that didn’t matter now. they all knew. 

that was the only tweet you sent out regarding the matter. you didn’t want to prolong it, it isn’t worth your time.

when you did stream a couple days after you sent out that tweet, your twitch viewers sky-rocketed. it was weird, almost. but they weren’t there to patronise you. the opposite, really. they said sweet words, donated generous amounts and gifted plenty of subs. 

you would answer questions as donations slowly came in. and one in particular caught you eye.

“why aren’t you in school.” the monotoned woman asked. 

“i’m not currently in school because it is closed due to the pandemic. but i’m currently attending it online.” you answered swiftly, not really focused on the question but more to the parkour you were doing. 

from time to time, your eyes glanced at your chat to see if they said anything that caught your eye, apart from the ones that bashed you for liking their favourite content creator. 

it cracked you up to see how far stans would go to protect their favourite creators. granted, it made you feel a little envious seeing how many people unfollowed you when the drama happened. you wanted to know just who would stand with you, besides your actual friends. 

“what would you describe your style?” the monotonous woman spoke once again as a donation came in. 

“thank you for the 10.” you started, and then pausing to actually think about it before you answered. 

“i think my style is a little more dark but not emo, as most people call it. i also don’t dress conservative.” you finished, feeling good about your answer. 

you were not brought up in a conservative family, so that was shown in the way you dressed. no, you never really left the house in your bra and jeans, not saying that style isn’t cute, but you never stopped yourself from showing a little bit of skin. 

you also were not the type to get insecure, so reading through comments on your posts have never really affected you. but there was something about the comment quackity said that made you rethink about a lot of things. 

you hated that feeling, though. you hated that you let a man say things about you and made you feel apologetic about it. you knew it should never be like that. why did you let a man step all over you? it irked you that you stooped so low. 

things also never got easy after the little drama. sure, you gained a little more publicity, but you felt nauseous knowing what attracted them. you’re just now constantly reminded how you got a higher number of following. 

nonetheless, you’re grateful for the platform given to you, although this wasn’t the path you chose to take. 

it didn’t take you long to recover from the tiny insecurity you found yourself having. you started not caring even more, posting even more photos of you. some might say you grew to be a narcissist. 

but you enjoyed it. it showed people just how much you grew and learnt from what happened. 

you’re glad you moved forward from it and never dwelled on the things he said about you. 

also, did you mention that quackity apologised? 

guess not. 

Part 2

#quackity #quackity x reader #quackity imagines #quackity imagine #quackity fanfic #quackity fanfiction #quackityhq

[canadian-riddler]

The Future of Fear

By Indiana

Characters: Jonathan Crane, Edward Nygma

Synopsis: You really CAN find anything on the Internet.

AO3

Edward had been giggling to himself over something on his computer on his side of their shared office space for some time now and it was becoming incredibly distracting.  Jonathan had been trying to think of some suitable method to shut him up while not angering him enough to force Jonathan to leave and pay for his own office, but had come up lamentably short.  

Perhaps another cup of coffee would help.  He retrieved his empty mug and made his way towards the percolator, which was unfortunately located on a low table behind Edward’s desk.  Edward, strangely, did not attempt to goad him into conversation as per usual, so obviously Jonathan had to look for himself at what it was that had him so engrossed.

It seemed to be some sort of Internet forum.  There were very few things Jonathan could have found less interesting than a horde of anonymous bumpkins arguing with each other over the smallest of inconsequential things.  He shook his head and put his cup down on the table.

“You really should see this,” Edward said.  The squeak of the chair indicated he had turned around in it.

“I can’t imagine why I would care to.”

“This is a series of posts about what a helpful person your fans believe you to be, for one thing.”

Helpful?  Fans?  Jonathan barely dignified that with a backwards glance.  “You’re not even trying to be convincing this time.”

“No,” Edward said, tilting the screen back and turning the laptop towards him.  Jonathan moved to face him and leaned forward, his fingers splayed along the desk’s edge in order to maintain his balance.  “Look.  This person is convinced you wouldn’t harm them because they’ve been diagnosed with GAD.”

“They what?” He did not have time to locate this post on the screen, much less read it, because Edward had already whisked it back towards himself.

“’I mean, he was a teacher once, right?  That must mean he cared,’” read Edward.  “’He wouldn’t make someone with anxiety suffer even more.’”

“Edward, how do I find this person?  I have urgent information for them.”  Or urgent plans, at least.

“From the number of people who claim their greatest fear is their student loans,” Edward answered, the corner of his mouth curling upward, “you could probably put up a flyer at any university simply offering to help them.”

“Help them?” Jonathan repeated.  “Why – with what?”

“Well, this person seems convinced you would empathise with them because they were bullied as a child. So their childhood trauma, I presume.”

Even after he’d read it himself it still made very little sense.  “And why is that?”

“Because you were bullied and that makes you kindred spirits.”

The next batch of text on the screen seemed to prove this theory and yet it still seemed as though Edward was making it all up.  Jonathan continued to stare at it until the only logical thing he could do in response came to him: he laughed.  The more he thought about it, the funnier it became, and he found himself with his face buried in his arms atop the desk, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. What utter nonsense was that? Help someone resolve their ingrained traumas merely because – no.  No, it simply could not be real.  Edward was pulling his leg.  He straightened, wiping his face with his sleeve, and discovered Edward had disappeared. And taken the laptop with him.  It had clearly been a joke.  It was just not possible that there were people who sat down and typed out their fears and personal histories in great detail and left them where anyone could find them.  There were especially no people who actually thought he, the Master of Fear, would ever attempt to solve their –

His thoughts were interrupted by Edward’s return, which was accompanied by a flurry of papers thrust into Jonathan’s face close enough he had to crane his neck backward.  “My gift to you,” said Edward, resuming his seat. Jonathan looked down at the first page.

It was a list of… personal information.  And a lot of it.  Familial problems, dislikes, triggers… “Edward, this can’t be right,” Jonathan protested. “You made all of this up.”

“In this day and age, I don’t have to,” Edward answered.  “Think about it, Jonathan.  Now you only have half the work to do.  Hell, I think you could get away with picking some kid who’s terrified of climate change by strapping them into a virtual reality headset and investing in a couple of heat lamps.”

“Come now, Edward,” scoffed Jonathan, putting aside the papers for the moment, “surely they would notice they were wearing one of those things.”

“Why would I suggest it if it wouldn’t work?”  Edward presented him with a video of a begoggled woman who seemed to be in the throes of a fear of heights so intense she had forgotten entirely that she was crawling on her living room floor as opposed to venturing out of an elevator onto a thin wooden plank eighty stories from the ground.  

“Why did no one tell me about this sooner?”

“To be honest, I thought you’d start lecturing me about doing things the old-fashioned way,” Edward said, leaning back in the chair and clasping his hands behind his head in order to stretch.  Jonathan shook his head.

“Oh, no, Edward. Knowing all of these things ahead of time means I can get right to the interesting parts.”

“The screaming?”

“And the crying, and the begging, and the shaking and sweating,” Jonathan said, with a little more fondness than he meant to, and Edward laughed.  

“You will find no shortage of people happy to freely hand out the information you need,” he said.  “Now go away.  I have things of my own to take care of.”

“I need to borrow your phone,” Jonathan said.  “There are a few calls I would like to make.”

Edward fished it out of his back pocket and handed it to him after he had unlocked it.  Jonathan returned to his own desk, taking a few minutes to determine whom he wanted to contact first.  The first number rang and rang, as he had expected, and as it did so he mentally composed the message he was going to leave.  When the requisite beep came he spoke in a soothing voice long since well-practised.  “Hello, my name is Dr Jonathan Crane.  A friend of mine passed along your story and I have to say that it truly touched me. I should like to set up a meeting so we can discuss getting you the treatment you need for your anxiety.  And not to worry, it will be free of charge. As you know I have a personal understanding of your circumstances.  Please contact me at your earliest convenience.  Good day.”

Edward, to his credit, had managed to keep his laughter quiet enough it was unlikely the phone had picked up on it from that distance.  Jonathan could not keep an amused smile from his own lips.  “If they fall for that they deserve what they get,” Edward said, folding his arms across his chest.  “I suppose we’re going to need to rig you up a fake office.”

“You are going to need to rig me up a fake office,” Jonathan corrected, selecting a new name on his list. “And I need one of those headsets. I would also appreciate a cup of coffee.”

Edward heaved a long-suffering sigh, but he did shove his chair backwards in order to set up the percolator. Jonathan dialled a fresh number and waited.

“Hello, my name is Dr Jonathan Crane.  A friend of mine passed along your story, and I must tell you that I was truly moved by it…”

#Riddler #Scarecrow #fanfic from Indy #so says Indy #just a silly thing from last night #wasn't what I originally wanted so I might have to do an alternate eventually #by that I mean in about three years lol

[girlactionfigure]

There's something I need to get off my chest.

I'm an Ultra-Orthodox, Chassidic, Hareidi Jew. I live in Jerusalem, in an area that is exclusively Ultra-Orthodox Hareidi for street after street, suburb after suburb, for miles and miles. In all of these neighborhoods where the roads are blocked off and no cars drive on Shabbos, each black-hat-wearing family has many many children and literally no TV’s. I personally only ever wear black and white clothes, my wife only dresses in Chassidic levels of tznius (modesty), and my boys and girls all attend mainstream Hareidi Chassidic schools where the main language is Yiddish. My kids don’t and never will have smartphones, nor have they ever been on the internet at all. Period. They don’t know what social media is and they’ve never seen a movie — not even Disney animation. 

Having lived exclusively immersed in this culture for the last 21 years, I think I'm sufficiently qualified and well-researched enough to state that the consistent depiction of Hareidim and Torah Judaism by mainstream media, from Netflix to the daily news, is somewhere between delusion, slander and the literal equivalent of racism. If you consider yourself less closed-minded than how you imagine we Hareidim to be, then permit me to share a few personal details about my family, and other families in our neighborhood, to see how well your mental narrative matches up to reality:

- Besides learning Torah each day, most of the men in our neighborhood work full or part-time.

- Many women in our area work. Some even manage their own business or company. These are not special or “liberated” women — it’s so normal here it’s not even a discussion point.

- My wife is a full-time mother by choice, who despite attending an Ivy League College,  finds it a profound and meaningful thing to dedicate her life to. If she didn’t, she’d go get a job. Mind you, she also attends Torah classes each week, works out with both a female fitness coach (who’s gay) and a frum Pilates instructor, writes and edits articles for a couple global websites and magazines, and personally mentors a number of women. None of this is seen as unusual. 

- Kids in our community go to Torah schools where they learn (surprise!) Torah. They are fluent in three languages from a young age and the boys even read and understand a fourth (Aramaic). All the kids learn grammar, math and science. Weekly after-school activities have included music (violin, drums, piano), Tae Kwon Do, swimming, art, woodworking and robotics. The girls' school teaches tools of emotional intelligence. The principal of the boys' school doesn't hesitate to refer to kids to OT if needed. I practice meditation with my children multiple times each week. None of our kids think the world is literally 6,000 years old. They devour books about science and think it’s cool. They know dinosaurs existed and don’t find that existentially threatening. They have a telescope with which they love to watch the stars. 

- The women in my family (like the men) only dress modestly according to Hareidi standards. The girls don't find this burdensome or oppressive. Period. They aren't taught that beauty is bad. They're certainly not taught to hate their bodies, God forbid. Each morning when they get dressed, they are as happily into their own fashion and looking pretty as any secular girl is. They just have a different sense of fashion than secular culture dictates. (Unfortunately for me,  it's no cheaper.)

- The local Hareidi rabbis we receive guidance from are deep, warm, sensitive, supportive and emotionally intelligent. If they weren’t, we wouldn’t go to them.

- My boys assume they will grow up to learn Torah, as much as they want to, and then when they’re ready, get a good job or learn a profession to support whatever lifestyle they choose. My girls assume they’ll be wives and mothers (which they can’t wait for) but they're also warmly encouraged to train in whatever other profession they desire. (My 9-year-old daughter, chatting with her friend in the living room, just commented, "I want to be a mother and a teacher and an artist." Her friend replied, "I'm going to be a ballet teacher.") All options are on the table, and their future seems bright.

- We love living in modern Israel, feel proud and blessed to be here, and frequently count and celebrate its blessings. Everyone in my area votes. Sometimes not even for Hareidi parties. I pay taxes. (And they’re expensive!)

- As a Hareidi person, I’m glad we have Hareidi representation in the government — though I don’t always love or approve of how the Hareidi politicians act, or what they choose to represent. For the record, I'm equally dubious about secular politicians, as well. 

- While I don't spend much time in Tel Aviv, I do have a few close Hareidi entrepreneur friends who have founded high-tech start-ups there, and are — Boruch Hashem! — doing very well.   

- We don’t hate all non-religious people. Our kids don’t throw stones at passing cars on Shabbos. I doubt they even know anyone who would do that or think that it’s ok. We frequently talk about the Torah value of caring for and being compassionate towards everyone. As a family, we proactively try to find ways to judge others favorably (even those people who throw stones at passing cars on Shabbos.)

- We invite all manner of religious and secular Jews to join our Shabbos meals each week and the kids are open, happy, and confident to welcome everyone. (No, we're not Chabad.) One of the many reasons for having such guests at our table is to teach the kids this lesson.

- While we would technically be classified as right-wing and we don’t at all buy the modern “Palestinian” narrative, we certainly don’t hate all Arabs, nor do we have any desire to expel them all from the land. We warmly welcome anyone seeking to dwell here with us in peace and we are pained and saddened to see the suffering and loss of lives of all innocent Arab families and children — as would any decent human being.

- Of the few local families I know whose kids no longer identify as religious, none at all chose to disown their kids. The very thought, in such lovingly family-dedicated communities, is hard to imagine. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm just saying it's not as common as it's made out. Rather, these families have tirelessly, profoundly, compassionately committed to maintaining any connection with their children, and to emphasize that, no matter what, family is the most important thing. Because it is.

- We aren't just living our life blindly, dogmatically following empty religious rules; rather, we are frequently engaged with, exploring and discussing Torah's richness, depth and meaning. Our kids honestly love learning Torah, praying and doing mitzvos. They’re visibly excited about Shabbos and festivals. This lifestyle is in no way oppressive or burdensome for them. If you suggested to them it was, they’d laugh and think you were crazy.  

- We Hareidim are normal people: we laugh, we cry, we buy too much Ikea furniture, and we struggle with all of life's daily ups and downs, just like the rest of you. Some of our communities are more healthy and balanced, some are less so; some of our people are warmer, nicer and more open, some are more closed, dogmatic and judgmental; some of our leaders are noble and upstanding, and some are quite frankly idiots…JUST LIKE ANY SECULAR NEIGHBORHOOD IN THE WORLD TOO. But having grown up living a secular lifestyle myself, and today being Hareidi-by-choice, I can testify that in these communities there is generally a greater and more tangible sense of well-being, warmth, tranquility, connection and meaning. We love and feel blessed to be living this life and wouldn’t want any other.

If this description of Hareidi life is hard to swallow, be careful not to push back with the often-used defenses like: "Well, you're just an exception to the rule...", "You're just American Hareidim", "You're baalei teshuvah", "Well, I know a bunch of Haredim that aren't like that at all"....because the truth is, while there might be many Hareidim who aren't like what I described above, it's still an accurate description of literally hundreds of thousands of Hareidim in Israel and the US — a decent portion of all Hareidim in the world. Which is my very point — how come you never see this significant Hareidi demographic represented in the media, television series, or the news? How come we mostly see the darkest and most problematic cliches instead? 

And finally, if all the facts I've listed above about our communities are hard for you to accept as true, then perhaps the image you have in your head about Hareidim is less based on facts and reality and more based on stereotypes, fear, hate, and discrimination — like any other form of prejudice in the world. 

Care to prove me wrong? Well, you're welcome to come argue it out with me and my family at our Shabbos table on Friday night. It would be a joy and honor to have you. 

Doniel Katz

[harrystylesleftkneecap]

JJ the comedian

Warnings : Slight smut, mention of death, alcohol, drugs, JJ being annoying, 

Summary: JJ loved making inappropriate jokes, and when they become centered around you, the whole gang gets suspicious. 

***GIF ISN’T MINE, ALL WRITING AND IDEAS ARE. I USED SOME DIALOGUE PROMPTS I FOUND OFF THE INTERNET***

JJ was notorious for being inappropriate. Pope often scolded him for it, while John B enjoyed his naughty jokes most of the time. Kie hated them obviously. And you rather enjoyed them as well. Until the comments began centering around you. 

“JJ can you hand me that pen?” You asked, as he sat across from you. You were working at the wreck with kie, and the boys decided to come keep you some company in your last hour. 

“Of course.” He replied, taking the writing utensil between his fingers. 

He extended his arm to hand it to you, and you reached to take it from his grasp. Before you could grab it, he jerked it away. 

“Beg for it.” He smirked. 

This caused the other two boys beside him to snicker. 

your face was hot with embarrassment. Although nobody knew what went on between the two of you behind closed doors, just the thought of the others thinking about you begging JJ for something was enough to make your heart race. 

“JJ, c’mon.” You groaned, attempting to swipe the pen from his calloused hands. 

He only held it farther form your reach, “C’mon, not like you haven’t begged me for anything before.” He teased.

This caused the boys to erupt in laughter.

You squinched your eyes together and pinched your nose. 

There it was. 

You knew his joke would get worse eventually, but you were praying to any higher power there was to simply prevent that from happening. 

Kie scoffed before snatching the pen from his grasp and pulling you away from the unruly mess JJ had created. 

She handed the pen to you and you fanned your face. You got embarrassed so easily, and it was always obvious to those around you. Your tell being the crimson splotches that would litter your body. There was no way you could effectively serve customers like this. 

And part of you realized JJ knew that. 

“He is such an ass, “ Kie began ,”But really, have you been begging for things behind closed doors?” 

“Kie! Not right now!” You huffed, storming into the back of the kitchen. 

The summer heat of the outer banks was beating down on your skin. You groaned as you rolled over on to your back, attempting to find a more comfortable position. 

JJ was peacefully (for once) rolling a joint while John B and pope were fishing. Kie kept up small talk with you as the two of you tanned on the deck of the boat. 

Eventually, you found JJ hovering over you with a freshly rolled joint in his hand. He extended it towards you and you gladly accepted. As you took the smoke into your lungs, you immediately relaxed. Happy to finally be enjoying some time with your friends. 

JJ eyed you as your head fell back, and your breath fell past your lips as a smoky cloud. 

“You know y/n, we could get naked.” he spoke, causing you to snap your head back to him. 

“JJ!” You scolded, earning a few immature giggles from the fishing boys. 

“What, it’s not my fault you keep turning me on.” He taunted, as you shot daggers through his thick fucking skull. 

You stood from your towel and his eyes widened. In fear, and also partially excitement. JJ loved getting a rise out of you, but he was also very much afraid of you. 

“What-”

A large splash followed the motion of you shoving JJ over the side of the HMS pogue. 

“Atta girl.” John B snickered, watching his friend resurface from the water. 

You laid back down on your towel, joint still in hand, as JJ clambered back over the side of the boat. 

As a hurricane roared outside the chateau, rather loud music was blasting on the inside. 

The five of you were drunk- well you were drunk, you could only assume the state of the others. 

You and kie danced to a random song as the boys played cards on the counter. 

L.A love by the one and only Fergie blasted through the small speaker, you and Kie feeling the music running through you. 

At this point you and kie were borderline dirty dancing as the boys watched from a far. 

“That’s kinda hot.” John B quipped, before laying a full house down in front of him. 

“You got that right.” JJ said, taking a hit of his JUUL. 

Your bodies repeatedly dropped and twisted, your ass shaking in your small pajama shorts. 

The song ended, and the two of you made your way over to the boys in fits of giggles. 

JJ smiled as you walked to him, and he swung and arm around your waist pulling you into him. 

“were you trying to turn me on back there, or are you that oblivious?” He asked you. 

In your drunken state, you only giggled, letting a soft maybe tumble past your lips. 

“there is definitely something going on between them.” Pope grumbled, taking a sip from his beer as you and JJ shamelessly flirted with each other. 

“I would bet money on that.” John B laughed. 

And they were right. There was something going on between the two of you. It all happened one night at a kegger. You had just lost your mother, and you were doing your best to put up a front and have fun with your friends. 

after several beers and unfortunately a few cigarettes, you found yourself sobbing in the chateau living room. After losing sight of you a while ago, JJ decided to try and find you. 

He stumbled in the doors only to find you crying on the couch. 

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked softly, bending down and taking your face from your hands. 

You didn’t answer. Your eyes mesmerized by his glassy blue ones. This is the first time you actually had a good look at the boy. His pink chapped lips sat perfectly on his face. His light stubble glistening from the beer remaining on his lips. His cheeks were flushed, and you don’t think you had ever seen anyone so beautiful before. 

“no, i’m not.” You finally sniffled, tearing your eyes away from his. 

“I know it’s hard y/n, but we’re gonna get through this together.” He told you. 

“I don’t care, I just want to stop hurting.” You said, using your shirt to wipe the tears falling from your eyes. 

You looked back into his eyes, and you made a swift decision. 

You placed your hands on either side of his face, inching closer to him. 

“Y/n what are you doing?” He whispered, and you shook your head. 

“Just, please. I want to feel something other than pain.” You whispered back. 

“I can’t, you’re not in a good state righ-” 

“JJ.” You stopped him. You could practically see the gears turning behind his eyes.

“please” you muttered. 

You closed the gap in between you, pressing your soft plump lips to his contrasting chapped ones. 

You only barely pulled away to say, “I just want to stop hurting, even if it’s just for a little bit.”

JJ’s eyes softened as his replied, “Okay, I can do that.” 

He wrapped his arms under your legs and he carried you to the spare bedroom. 

You hadn’t really even made an agreement, when you were hurting you came to him. and vice versa. Eventually, it just happened more and more. You spent more nights together than anyone would have ever imagined. And the causal comfort of one another soon blossomed into something much more. 

Nobody knew anything, until one morning John B went to wake JJ for an early morning fishing trip. 

 Without knocking, he entered his room. Not to be met with one sleeping figure, but two. And upon closer inspection, he realized who was wrapped up in his best friends arms. 

He moved quietly to wake JJ, and when his eyes opened he realized his position. 

Careful not to wake you, he whispered to John B, “Give me like 5″ 

When JJ finally entered the kitchen, John B sent him a questioning glance. 

“What?” JJ asked, reaching for a box of cereal. 

“What was that back there?”

“Nothing, we’re just friends.”

“Yeah, because I wake up naked with my friends all the time.” John B scoffed. 

JJ just rolled his eyes, not wanting to get into this at the moment. 

Pope noticed a pink toothbrush in the bathroom of JJ’s bathroom one morning. Confused, he brought it to the porch where the rest of you were seated. 

“Uh, JJ?” He asked

JJ turned to look behind him, seeing pope with a pink toothbrush in his hand. 

He gestured to the object and sent JJ a questioning glance. 

“It’s y/n’s man, you got a point here?” JJ Replied, attempting to light the joint that was hanging from his lips.  

“Yeah, why is it in your bathroom dude.” He remarked. 

“Because she brushes her teeth.” 

“Obviously JJ, But why your bathroom. Why not the spare?” He teased. 

“Because I was brushing my teeth in his bathroom pope, It’s not that hard to understand.” You scoffed, taking your toothbrush from his hand and returning to JJ’s bathroom to put it back where it belonged. 

JJ shot Pope a look that said “I told you so”

“I just thought it was odd since John B found you two naked in bed the other day.” Pope spoke as he sat down. 

JJ dropped the lighter from his hand as the joint fell from his open mouth, making John B and pope raise their eyebrows knowingly.

“JB are you kidding me?” He whispered yelled, wiping the ash off of his shorts. 

“What man, you said it was nothing, so I didn’t think You’d mind if I told him.” John B laughed. 

You sarah and Kie were having a girls night one night. Doing face masks and hair as girls usually do. 

“Hey y/n, I was wondering If you and JJ wanted to go on a double date with me and John B?” sarah asked. 

“What? why?” You laughed, thinking it was odd. 

“Oh, I thought you two were a thing, john B said he found you two in bed with each other the other morning.” She smirked. 

Before you could respond Kie yelled, “HE FOUND YOU TWO WHAT NOW?” 

JJ roughly pressed his hips to yours, you had your hands in his hair and the air in the van was getting thicker by the second. 

“JJ please.” You moaned, lifting your hips to meet his. 

“I don’t think we have time y/n, they just ran in for a minute.” He responded, breathing into your mouth as your tongues danced with each other.

You gripped his biceps and groaned when he ground right down onto your heat. 

“Please J, we can be fast.” You whined.

contemplating, he rose to check if the others were walking out of the store. As his eyes reached the thresh hold of the window, he was met with the faces of John B, pope and kie. 

They all had knowing smirks plastered on their faces, and he sighed, collapsing down on top of you. 

“Not fast enough.” He groaned. You were confused until the back door of the van opened. You turned to meet the faces of your friends. 

“He he , hey guys. Uh, how long have you been there?” You laughed nervously, fumbling to get out from underneath the larger boy. 

“Long enough.” Kie laughed, throwing your tank top at you. 

Suddenly very hot, you pulled the material over your head and attempted to fix your disheveled hair. You could feel the splotches forming over your body.

“so, just nothing right?” John B quipped. 

You turned to see JJ looking at you. 

“Uh, “You turned back to your friends ,” No?” You spoke 

They laughed and Pope spoke, “I knew those fucking jokes meant something, how could we be so blind.” He said dramatically. 

Embarrassed, you hung your head low as they all piled into the van. 

JJ pulled you into a kiss before saying, “well y/n, our relationship is out now.”

You smiled as the others turned to look at the two of you. 

“Aw, the only thing better than seeing you smile baby is seeing you orgasm.” JJ smirked, causing everyone to groan as John B turned to start the Van. 

There it was 

“JJ!”

#JJ Imagine #jj x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #Outer Banks #outer banks smut #john b imagines #pope heyward #jj maybank smut #Smut #outer banks imagine

[betelguwuse]

I’m starting to think maybe I don’t want to get married. Hypothetically I’d love to be in a godly marriage with a man who respects me and sees me as the person that God does (and not only me but women as a whole), but realistically do christian men like that even exist? Mainstream christianity, especially gender discourse, is so watered down and twisted into something that’s more political than biblical. I feel like this is gonna piss off both the christians and feminists, even though I’m both (though some might say I’m not a real feminist, whatever idc lol). Might also tag as Side B because I feel like this is also maybe a Side B mood? But here goes.

Color coded by vague topic, bolded so it’s easier to read.

Like I recently heard of a pastor being criticized for saying it’s a woman’s duty to look good for her husband, and the boomer conservatives were acting like criticisms of this pastor was the end of christianity. There’s no way “looking good” in a biblical sense was anything more than basic hygiene, nowhere near the beauty standards of today; and that is if the idea of looking good for your husband is even in the bible. These people siding with the pastor were saying that any woman who doesn’t shave or hide her “flaws” with makeup or basically completely embody the tradwife meme are bad wives. Like what the literal hell.

Honestly the entire tradwife aesthetic seems to be the goal for a lot of young christian couples, when it’s not inherently biblical. I used to be into it myself because heck yeah staying home, housekeeping, taking care of children, and wearing cute flowery dresses sounds like a dream. But my goals aren’t universal! Some women don’t want kids. Some women want to work. Good and God-honoring women of the bible didn’t all have kids and stay home. I mean the timeline of the bible spans so long, so yeah maybe there were times when most women did. But that doesn’t mean women who didn’t were bad wives or lesser women. Not to mention there’s such a blurred line currently between cute tradwife lifestyle and creeps who fetishize the idea of a traditional (and by traditional they mean submissive) wife. Gross.

Another thing too many christian men do is say women can’t be in any position of power in the church. There is the whole specific issue of whether or not women should be the highest up actual pastor of the church, and I don’t know enough about that whole debate to validate or debunk it, but I’m not talking about that specifically here. Aside from that one position, a lot of christians think women can only teach other women and girls but not guys, even like literal child boys. That’s so weird, like imagine thinking a little boy has more authority than, or even equal to, a grown woman? Couldn’t be me. And this whole idea comes from an out of context “I do not permit women to speak in the church” from a regular human guy. And the reason he said this was that the women around him were spreading heresy. I still think it’s flawed logic to exclude all women from speaking in that situation just because most of them were wrong, but again, this wasn’t a command from God. This was just a guy recording his church experience and doing his flawed human best to manage it. Various women throughout the actual bible outside of this one leader’s timeline held positions of power in various churches. And modern day american christian men think biblical womanhood is all about subservience? Bro what bible are you reading?

I just want to make it clear that these are all just generalizations, but having been in various actual biblical communities and conservative christian communities, I can kinda pick up on the general sexist behaviors of the latter. But unfortunately in today’s political climate more and more young christians are only being exposed to political opinions that are surface level americanized good christian morals, but not actually biblical.

Even on top of that, even if a man knows of these biblical misconceptions, we live in a society. Like we’re constantly exposed to women’s sexualization, and it’s pretty impossible to escape that. I don’t want to spend my life with someone who’s grown up in a world where women are seen as weak, objects, pleasure machines, etc. And yeah we can unlearn these biases (honestly I hate the word unlearn but I can’t think of a substitute rn), but it feels like a hassle to casually figure out whether a guy can make an effort to understand what women go through, and if I were to just bring it up I’d scare them away. And that’s not to say I’m some perfect person who’s never sexualized men, we are all sinners after all and we live in a fallen world etc etc. But a whole society where women are so objectified that it’s normal for little boys to be watching porn, that just doesn’t really happen with little girls. I can’t speak for all women, but when I started seeing men sexually it was in my late teens when I realized like ‘oh I can sexualize men too? wild. ok I’m an adult lemme check it out’. Still sinful, but not ingrained in me from porn ads as a kid the way most young boys have been since like the creation of the internet.

Even the men currently in my life who genuinely want what’s best for me are so incredibly misogynistic it’s baffling. My male family members see any woman who breaks an imaginary dress code or ideology is some kind of deviant. I just want to make it clear that this is MY family and I’M the only one who gets to complain about them. We all love each other here even if the males are horribly wrong.

So I shaved my head for halloween and my dad could barely look at me, not because he was exactly mad or anything but just because I looked ugly to him. He always says ‘close the windows in your apartment because men will spy on you changing’ but after my hair was gone he was all ‘actually don’t bother because nobody will look at you looking like that’ like wow I wasn’t aware men only sexualized women for their hair. Like you really think a gross creeper is gonna be turned off by a fully naked oblivious vulnerable woman just because she’s bald? That’s not how any of this works. And just today my sister was watching a goth youtuber egirl or something, I didn’t see her makeup but my dad said stuff like ‘ew why does she look like that, maybe it’d be cool as a costume but how is she going to get a job’. Like, I’m not one to go ‘women don’t wear makeup for men’ (because most women who only use makeup to hide their insecurities and follow beauty standards very much just do it so they don’t get backlash from others, if not directly to please men), but when it’s a fun crazy look that’s not meant to be pretty, I’m all for that shit and generally I hate when men lose respect for a woman just for wearing something they don’t like. Like fashion isn’t real and your appearance should be as costumey or weird as you want without people losing respect for you. Also like...do men know that makeup isn’t permanent?? Like if she wanted a job that required no makeup she could easily wipe her face off and get one?? Not only that, but people can work from home and/or be self employed. Maybe youtube itself was this girl’s job. Who the hell cares man. And the worst thing here is my brother outright said one time “the root cause of feminism is pride”. B r u h. And this was back when I considered myself an anti-feminist, even then I knew that feminism started for good reason and I was absolutely furious. I think I kept it to myself like a coward lol, but if anyone said that to me now I’d tear them apart. In a debate I mean, not like literal violence.

Tldr: I’m not trying to say men are inherently more evil because there’s evil in everyone, but the way it takes shape in men in most societies is so insidious and inescapable. I love my family and guy friends, but I don’t want to deal with one in a romantic/sexual relationship because I don’t know if even the most educated and goodest christian boi in this world can see me as a true equal. It sucks because I want sex and children, but when the mainstream idea of hetero sex is female submission, it just makes me shrivel up and contemplate becoming a nun. I’m not even catholic. But even nuns are sexualized and degraded in coomer’s disgusting brains. In conclusion I’m going feral and starting my own woman-only church in the woods let’s go ladies.

#christianity #biblical womanhood #christian woman #christian feminism #feminism #side b #side b christian

[nicknellie]

Anonymous requested: Julie and the Phantoms are on tour and Juke are dating, one stop on tour Luke gets sick  (woke up with fever, swollen glands, sore throat etc) and the doctor diagnoses him with strep and an ear infection and Julie takes care his stubborn butt back to the hotel because he doesn't like to let down the fans since they have to cancel few shows.

Anonymous requested: alive guys, out of school in the real world, now all living in an apartment together. The 5 Times Luke Was Sick, and The 5 Times Julie Cured Him and maybe add in the 1 time Luke returns the favour of taking care of Julie.

Anonymous requested: Luke and Julie are married and have a daughter (Rose, 3). Rose and Luke end up waking up sick with the flu and Julie takes care of them, and she gets worn down from doing everything and caring for them. And even with him being sick in bed he lays with Rose when Julie’s beat and cuddles her when she feels sick even though he feels the same. Cute family fluff basically.

We Will Fight To Shine Together

The entire week had been hectic. Julie – along with her boys, Luke, Alex, and Reggie – had finally got the keys to their new apartment and had spent the whole of the previous two days hauling their belongings there from their respective homes. Ray Molina, protective as always, had been breathing down their necks in a frantic and worried attempt to help them out, the presence of Willie and Flynn had resulted in less unpacking and more Cardboard Box Wars, and most of their things were strewn about in unlikely places after the chaos of unpacking; just that morning Julie had found Alex’s drumsticks in the fridge.

But they were finally there, they were finally home, and there was nothing to worry about. Everything in the apartment seemed to be in order, they weren’t set to go on tour for another six months so the stress of that was still a way off, and the band’s new-found sense of freedom and independence hung over them like a rainbow. There was nothing that could have gone wrong. Nothing except–

“Dude, you look sick! And not in the good way.”

Julie had been sat atop the kitchen counter, watching Alex prepare their breakfast, but she looked towards the door when she heard Reggie’s exclamation. Stood in the doorway, bundled in about four hoodies, his eyes bloodshot and his nose running, was Luke. Reggie was right – he looked as if he were about to keel over and die. His puppy dog eyes were wide and watery and he looked utterly dreadful.

“Luke,” Julie said, hopping off the counter and heading over to him. “Are you feeling alright?”

He shook his head and sniffled pathetically. “I’m sick,” he grumbled.

“Yeah, you look it,” Julie said. She took his hand and gently led him towards a kitchen chair. He collapsed into it with a relieved sigh as if he couldn’t have bared standing any longer.

To Julie’s surprise (and slight annoyance) Alex and Reggie were laughing.

“You must have the weakest immune system known to man,” Alex joked as he put the group’s breakfast onto plates.

“On the bright side, Willie owes me ten dollars,” Reggie said with a beam. “I bet him you wouldn’t last two weeks before getting sick.”

Julie put her hands on her hips and glared at the two boys who immediately ceased their laughter. She knew she could be quite terrifying when she wanted to and she didn’t like abusing that power too much, but this was a situation she felt called for it.

“You two are seriously lacking compassion,” she scolded, pointing to and from Alex and Reggie. “Your friend is ill and all you can do is laugh at him. It’s mean – he has it difficult enough right now.”

Luke, pouting pathetically, nodded in agreement.

Alex and Reggie, both looking suitably chastised, muttered, “Sorry Julie.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Don’t apologise to me.”

“Sorry Luke.”

“That’s better,” she said. Julie took herself out of Mother Mode and returned to Supportive Girlfriend. She gently ran her fingers through Luke’s hair – he relaxed a little as her touch. “I’m going to take you back to bed, you’re going to get some rest while I look up your symptoms, and then I’m going to take care of you.”

Luke’s eyes widened. “It’s probably just a cold. You don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t, but I’m going to. Come on.”

Julie sent one more cutting glare to Reggie and Alex before helping Luke stand and leading him back through their little apartment to their shared bedroom. She eased him back into the bed, helped him make a half-nest-half-fort with the pillows and duvet, then grabbed her laptop and set up YouTube for him. Then, she pulled up a tab on her phone and sat beside him on the bed.

“Do you feel like you’re going to be sick?” she asked.

Luke shook his head.

“Are you feeling dizzy at all?”

“A little bit,” he croaked.

She smiled knowingly. “Sore throat too?”

He closed his eyes and nodded.

Julie asked him more questions, then determined that because of the stress of moving his immune system had utterly crashed and some nasty bug had seized the opportunity. According to the internet, he needed plenty of bed rest, he should have been kept warm, he needed a lot of water, and most of all he simply needed to not do anything for a while.

“But we’re supposed to go to the studio tomorrow to record a bunch of songs,” Luke protested when Julie told him. He sat up abruptly, but eased himself back down, a hand rested against his forehead, wincing.

“You’re not going anywhere like that,” Julie told him. “I’ll call the studio and let them know we’ll have to record your parts a different time. Don’t say anything,” she commanded as he opened his mouth to argue again. “I’m not changing my mind.”

He grumbled something she couldn’t quite hear but assumed was something childishly rude – it had certainly sounded as if he’d been mocking her voice. She ignored him and instead headed back out to the kitchen. Julie grabbed painkillers and a large glass of water and took them back to Luke who had started a long YouTube playlist of Bondi Rescue videos.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be sitting in front of a screen if you’re dizzy,” Julie contemplated, handing him the tablets and the drink. Luke looked up at her with a mixture of sadness and fury in his eyes.

“I’ve already lost my health, I can’t lose Bondi Rescue too,” he said.

She breathed a laugh and sat back down beside him. He immediately melted into her side, his head rested against her abdomen. She stroked her fingers through his hair and felt him sigh at the touch.

He was asleep within minutes.

*

Julie and the Phantoms were on tour. It was a moment they had all been anticipating ever since they’d inducted Julie into the band. The four of them had saved up enough money to buy their own tour bus emblazoned with their faces and the band’s logo and were spending nine months driving across the United States and Canada to perform their show to sold-out crowds. Julie could hardly believe it was happening.

Right that moment, part of her wished it weren’t happening.

Julie had been led to understand that before she joined the band and became the responsible one, Alex was the ‘parental figure’ who had kept Luke and Reggie (both far more boisterous by nature) in check. If anyone had told her that on the second leg of their tour, she would not have believed it for a moment. Alex was sat in the passenger seat beside her, but was leaning over the back of it to swat at Reggie who was kicking the back of his seat. Both were calling each other childish names and their hands were flapping about like they were having a catfight. Julie had given up trying to stop them about two hundred miles ago.

Looking after them sometimes felt like having a pair of toddlers. Though more often it was like having three toddlers because Luke would find a way to join in on the shenanigans. But right then, in the backseat beside Reggie, he was oddly quiet.

“Luke,” Julie called over Alex and Reggie’s squabbling, readjusting the mirror so she could see Luke behind her. “You okay?”

Luke nodded then tried to clear his throat. “Yeah,” he said, voice gravelly. “Sore throat, that’s all.”

Julie frowned. “Are you sure? You don’t sound good. Will you be able to sing for tomorrow’s show?”

His eyes widened frantically at the mention of the performance. “Of course! I’ll be fine, it’s just a sore throat.”

It was, unfortunately, very clearly not just a sore throat.

Julie pulled the tour bus into the parking lot of their hotel and the gang all headed to their rooms. Julie and Luke were sharing, partially to save money and partially because they wanted to. Before they went to sleep, Julie checked again with Luke to see if he was alright and again he told her in that rough voice that he was fine.

However, when they woke up Luke seemed distinctly worse for wear. He was radiating heat like the sun but shivering as if he were in the arctic, he was complaining of pain in his right ear, and when Julie looked down his throat she saw that his tonsils were swollen and covered in white spots.

“You’re not going on stage like this,” she said, shaking her head. “No way. I’m calling a doctor.”

“I don’t need a doctor,” Luke insisted, attempting to hoist himself into a sitting position but giving up quickly. “It’s just a sore throat.”

“You can try telling me that again when you can swallow more than a drop of water,” Julie said before picking up her phone and calling the nearest doctor.

Luckily, the doctor was able to come out to the hotel so Luke didn’t have to even get out of bed. The doctor took one look at his symptoms, then turned to Julie.

“Looks like strep throat,” they said, snapping their latex gloves off. “The pain in the ear is because of an ear infection that came after the bacteria travelled from the throat to the middle ear. I’m going to prescribe him a course of antibiotics, he’ll need to take them all otherwise the infection will come back stronger. I recommend he doesn’t perform for at least another month to give the infection ample time to heal.”

“A month?” Luke tried to yell, but it came out as an outraged breathy whisper.

“Yes,” the doctor said, looking down at him over their glasses. “Your infection is particularly severe, Mr Patterson, and if you want to finish your tour then I suggest you take my advice.”

“We can’t cancel shows,” Luke protested weakly. “Think of how excited everyone’s been…”

Julie smiled to the doctor and saw them out of the room. “Thank you very much,” she said. “I’ll make sure he gets those antibiotics and plenty of rest.”

Once the doctor was gone, Julie called Flynn, the official manager for Julie and the Phantoms and Julie’s lifelong best friend. “Cancel every show for the next month,” she instructed. “Doctor’s orders.”

“Are you alright, Jules?” Flynn said, immediately sounding concerned. “I can come over and take care of you, whatever you need, I’ll book a flight right now–”

“I’m fine, Flynn,” Julie assured her. “It’s Luke. He’s got strep.”

“Oh no.” Flynn’s worry morphed into something akin to disappointment. “He’s literally the worst one of you guys to get ill right now.”

“Tell me about it. He’s furious that we’ve even suggested cancelling the shows.”

“He gets it’s for his own good, right?” Flynn asked.

Julie shook her head even though Flynn couldn’t see her. “He knows that but he doesn’t want to let everyone down. He’s been more excited for the tour than the fans have – he doesn’t want any of it to go wrong and this is about as wrong as it could go.”

“I’m sure he’ll get over it once the ‘get well soon’ messages start arriving,” Flynn said.

“I think that’ll just make it worse,” Julie countered. “Anyway, it’s fine. There’s nothing we can do. Just make sure everyone knows the next shows are cancelled.”

“You got it, boss. Good luck with Luke.”

“I’ll need it.”

Julie hung up on Flynn and headed back towards Luke. He was still sat up in the bed, looking very sorry for himself as he pouted with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Hey,” she said softly, crouching down next to his side of the bed. “I’m going to make you some hot honey and lemon water – my mom always made it for me when I got a sore throat. It’ll help, I promise. Is there anything else you want?”

“I want to do the shows,” he said petulantly.

Julie shook her head firmly. “You heard the doctor – none of us are going on any stage for another month. Flynn’s cancelling the shows as we speak.”

Luke looked aghast. “No!”

“Yes. You’re sick, Luke. And think about it; if this were me or Alex or Reggie in your position, what would you say to do?”

“I’d say we should cancel the shows until you got better,” he said as if the answer were obvious, then he seemed to hear his own words and deflated a little. “Fine. I suppose this is for the best. I… I just feel like I’m letting everyone down.”

Julie intertwined their fingers and held his hand tightly. She gave him a soft, reassuring smile. “You aren’t letting anybody down, Luke. It’s not your fault that you’re sick and there’s nothing any of us can do about it now. All that can be done is for you to rest and take your meds so that the next shows we do are as good as they can be. Okay?”

He rolled his eyes sighed, but there was the tiniest smile playing about his lips. “Okay.”

*

Julie had said it was a bad idea from the very beginning, but the boys had insisted that they’d done it before and it was perfectly safe.

It felt good to be proven right, but less good to be vomited on.

The first problem was that there was definitely not enough room anywhere in their tiny apartment for three grown men to attempt the famous lift from Dirty Dancing. Julie had pointed that out. She had pointed it out almost a dozen times. Every time, Reggie had told her that they didn’t actually need a lot of space, trust me.

The second problem was that their heights simply didn’t add up to a safe lift. Luke and Reggie were of a similar build, but Alex was much taller and there wasn’t really anywhere for him to go – if he held up one of the guys, they’d be held at an angle; if he were the one on top, he would likely crush the other two.

The third and final problem was that none of the boys were dancers and had no training or experience, therefore none of them knew how to do the lift properly and safely. Julie had stretched this argument to its breaking point but the three idiots had not heeded her warning.

And so they had done the lift.

It had started out strong. They had decided that Alex would be the one in the air, so Luke and Reggie had got into position with their hands outstretched and Alex had taken a great running start and leapt at them. To their credit, the boys held Alex in the air for a solid three seconds before Reggie lost his balance and Luke’s grip slipped, and the three of them went tumbling to the ground.

Julie watched in unsurprised horror as Alex fell flat on top of Reggie and scrambled to get off him, while Luke dropped far too close to the dining table and whacked his head on its corner with a grotesque thud.

He was out cold.

Julie muttered a curse and hurried towards him. Alex and Reggie gathered around slowly too, warily looking down at Luke, clearly feeling guilty.

“Luke?” Julie said to the unconscious lump in her lap. He was heavier than he looked – she privately understood why they had decided to lift Alex instead. “Can you hear me, sweetie?”

After a few more minutes, Luke came to, groaning and cradling his head.

“Hey,” Alex said, smiling brightly. “You’re awake! Sorry about that, we–”

Alex didn’t get to finish his sentence because Luke interrupted him by loudly and violently throwing up on Alex’s shoes. A little bit hit Julie’s dress and she quickly yanked the fabric out of the way.

Alex looked at his shoes disappointedly. After a long while he said, “I am going to the bathroom. Either to shower or be sick, I’m not sure yet,” and then disappeared.

Reggie was a deathly shade of green, staring at Luke and the vomit.

“If you don’t like it you can go, Reggie,” Julie said. “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.”

Reggie nodded and followed Alex out of the room, wide-eyed.

“Let’s get you to bed, huh?” Julie said. Luke nodded vaguely, his eyes far away, and she led him through the apartment to their bedroom. She only just managed to get him into bed before he started slipping into unconsciousness again.

It was plain as day that Luke had a nasty concussion. Julie tucked him into bed, then switched off the lights and drew the curtains so that it was almost pitch black. She got him an enormous glass of water and readied all the painkillers she could find, as well as grabbing a large bowl so that he didn’t have to run to the bathroom if he needed to be sick again. Then she looked up concussion on her phone – it said that if he’d woken up after being knocked out then he needed to go to hospital; she wasn’t sure how she was meant to get him there now that he was unconscious again.

Julie decided to wait until he woke up again. She laid down beside him on the bed and pressed the gentlest of kisses to his forehead.

“You’re such an idiot,” she whispered. “I love you.”

*

Julie loved her boys usually, but sometimes she really believed they lacked the common sense necessary for general survival.

“You did what?!”

Luke, Alex, and Reggie looked between each other frantically, stuttering for excuses.

“Uuuuhhhh…”

“Nothing really out of the ordinary, I don’t think.”

“Pretty sure it was actually you who did something they shouldn’t have.”

Julie raised her hands and the boys silenced. She glared at them, half furious and half exasperated.

“Are you seriously telling me – or rather not telling me – that after all the times I specifically told you it would be a bad idea, you went and got hotdogs that were being sold out of the back of an Oldsmobile?”

“In our defence,” Reggie piped up, raising his hand like a kid answering a question in class, “they smelled really good.”

“Wish they’d tasted as good as they smelled,” Luke grumbled. Alex hit him.

“I have never met anyone with less common sense!” Julie yelled, waving her arms. “What is wrong with you? What made you think it’d be a good idea? How did you not think that it was the dodgiest set up for any fast food ever?”

“Relax,” Reggie said, “street dogs haven’t killed us yet.”

The highly questionable hotdogs did not, in fact, kill them. However, the next day all three boys were overcome with food poisoning so horrible that Julie simply could not take care of them all by herself.

That morning she sent a quick text to Willie to offload Alex to him: Come and get your dumb boyfriend, he and his idiot friends ate bad hotdogs and got sick, you can take one. Twenty minutes later, Willie showed up to take Alex back to his apartment, an ungodly amount of blankets in his hands when he arrived at the apartment.

Reggie was the least ill – he could pretty much take care of himself and at the very least he wasn’t throwing up everywhere. He stayed on the couch, watching some cartoon on repeat. Julie let him be.

Luke, on the other hand, was quite the task. He was feeling and looking absolutely dreadful, unable to move himself from his bed and being sick whenever he tried to do so much as drink a glass of water. Julie truly had her hands full trying to take care of him.

Despite his protests, she called the studio and cancelled their appointment with Luke today. He was in no fit state to record any hit songs right then; he could hardly even open his mouth without sick coming out of it.

Feeling particularly frazzled, Julie finally allowed herself a little break from rushing around after Luke to relax, just for a moment. She settled herself comfortably onto the bed beside Luke once his sickness had calmed down a bit and fired up Netflix. She could feel his doleful eyes on her as she selected a movie and let it play.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked.

“Are you apologising for being sick or for eating those hotdogs even though I told you not to?” she questioned.

Luke had the good grace to look a little ashamed. “Both.”

Julie shifted a little to wrap her arms around Luke’s midriff. “Don’t apologise for being sick. It is your fault, but don’t say sorry for it. I will accept your apology for disobeying me though.”

Luke rested his head against Julie’s shoulders, shuffling further into the covers. “We should have listened to you, I know. But if you could have just smelled those hotdogs…”

“Yeah, I’m sure they smelled great mingling with the stench of petrol,” Julie deadpanned. “I’m starting to think you three need constant adult supervision.”

“We are adults.”

“That’s why I’m so worried.”

Luke huffed a laugh, but then frowned. “I feel bad. You’re always the one taking care of me. Just once I want to take care of you.”

Julie raised an eyebrow. “Are you saying you want me to get sick?”

“No, no, I didn’t mean that,” he said hurriedly, even though Julie had been joking. “I just meant that you do such a good job with this every time. I want to give you a break.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Julie assured him. “But… if I ever do get sick, I’ll make sure to come straight to you and you can take care of me. Deal?”

“Deal,” Luke said with a soft smile.

*

It had been many years since Luke had been really sick. Julie had naively thought that maybe they’d get lucky and he’d never be sick again. Maybe his laughable immune system had finally caught up and had strengthened itself against what most people could avoid easily.

Wishful thinking.

Flu season was set to ruin Julie’s life. She had woken up one Monday morning and followed her usual routine, heading to her daughter’s bedroom to wake her up for preschool. She had shaken little Rose awake, but the three-year-old had been extremely hot.

“Oh, sweetie,” Julie had said gently. “Are you feeling sick?”

Rose, rubbing her teary tired eyes, had nodded and cried very quietly.

Julie had pulled her into a hug. “Okay, honey. You go back to sleep. It’s alright.”

She laid Rose back down, tucked her back in, and encouraged her to sleep. It took a long time and a lot of tears from Rose, but eventually the little girl drifted back into a fitful slumber. Feeling like all she wanted to do was go to sleep herself, Julie headed back to her own bedroom and shook Luke awake.

“Luke,” she whispered. “Rose is sick. I’m going to call the preschool and tell them she won’t be in, but then I’ve got to get to the studio. You think you can take care of her today?”

Luke sleepily opened his eyes and groaned as he shifted into a sitting position. He held a hand to his head – it looked far too similar to him steadying his balance for Julie’s liking.

She sighed. “Please don’t tell me you’re sick as well?”

Luke tried for a smile. “No, no, I’m alright. I’ll take care of Rose, don’t worry.”

He tried to swing himself out of bed, but Julie didn’t miss the way that the sudden movement made him wince. That and the fact that he clapped a hand to his mouth, the other held over his stomach. Unsteadily, he got to his feet and headed to the bathroom. A few minutes later, he came back to the bedroom looking sheepish.

“I’m sick too,” he said quietly.

Julie sighed haggardly and looked to the alarm clock on her bedside table. She needed to be at the studio to start her recording session in half an hour, but no part of her was willing to leave her husband and daughter alone while both of them were seeming awfully ill. She quickly made her decision.

“You get back to bed,” she said gently to Luke, taking his hand and leading him back to the bed.

“No, I need to get Rose,” he said, but he grudgingly followed her.

“I’m going to get Rose,” Julie told him as she sat him down and tucked him in. “I’ll bring her here and you can stay snuggled up together. I’ll call the preschool, run some errands, and I’ll check on you both later, okay?”

Luke nodded and lifted Julie’s hand to his lips as if to kiss it, then seemed to think better of it and dropped it. “Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Julie went back to Rose’s room. The little girl was fast asleep, wriggling around a little as she dreamt, her black curls that were the same as her mother’s spread out over her pillow. Gently, Julie picked her up and held her tightly to her chest, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head as she carried her to her own bedroom.

Luke smiled as Julie entered the room with Rose cradled in her arms. He lifted up the duvet so that Julie could lay Rose down beside him. As she put Rose down, the little girl woke up. She looked around, seeming surprised to have been moved. Then she began to cry very, very quietly.

“Dada,” she wailed, tiny fists clutching at Luke’s pyjama top. “Mama!”

Julie was exhausted. She could see a long day ahead of her, looking after both of the most important people in her life as they battled this disgusting illness. But as she looked at them – tearful little Rose snuggled up with Luke, who had his arms around her tightly, stroking her back soothingly as he whispered shushes – she felt a little bit of that exhaustion melt away, replaced with love.

She perched herself on the bed. “Rosie,” she whispered, tucking one of Rose’s stray hairs behind her ear. “If you quiet down, Mama will sing you a lullaby.”

Luke’s eyes widened. Behind the bloodshot sickness, Julie could see the love and admiration he had for her in them. She beamed at him, and he smiled back as if in awe of her. She felt her heart swell with love.

Rose hushed a little and Julie began the lullaby that her own mother had sung to her when she was little. It was a traditional little rhyme, simple and easy, but the beautiful melismatic notes strung together like bunting made the rising melodies sound ethereally pretty. It had always been one of Julie’s favourite songs.

Rose fell back asleep, huddled in Luke’s arms. Luke reached his hand out of took Julie’s hand.

“You’re perfect,” he mouthed, trying not to wake Rose.

Julie smiled, gently kissed his hand, and finally got up to phone the preschool.

*

Julie never got sick. It wasn’t in her nature. It just didn’t happen.

Except for that one time.

Julie woke up with the highest temperature the thermometer had ever recorded, her head was spinning like she was on a rollercoaster, and her muscles felt so fatigued that she couldn’t get out of bed.

And yet, she said to Luke, “I swear I’m fine.”

Luke, in a rare moment of knowledge and common sense, didn’t take her word for it. He seemed almost excited for her sickness – Julie wasn’t sure how to feel about that – and he pulled her into a tight hug.

“No,” he said firmly, “you’re sick. I’m going to take care of you.”

And he did. The very next thing Luke did was make Julie up a hot water bottle and bring it to her to help combat her chills, then he brought her three boxes of paracetamol and an entire pitcher of water. He called the doctor’s office for advice, then dragged the entire television set up to his and Julie’s room from downstairs. He got Rose ready for school and before he left the house he assured Julie that he would be back soon and she didn’t need to worry and, “If you need anything, just call me and I’ll come straight back.”

Julie couldn’t help but smile despite her tiredness and awful feeling. “I’ll be fine, Luke. Get Rose to school before she’s late.”

“I love you,” Luke said.

Rose, stood at the end of Julie’s bed, said, “Love you, Mama!”

“I love you, Rosie. Have a good day.”

Julie watched the love of her life and her perfect daughter leave the room and listened to their footsteps heading downstairs. Maybe she felt absolutely terrible and perhaps like she was going to be sick, but when she had someone like Luke looking after her it didn’t feel quite so dreadful.

#this is much longer than i expected and i didn't proof-read but i hope its okay! #jatp fic #jatp #julie and the phantoms #tw sickness #tw concussion #tw vomit #juke #julie x luke #luke x julie #julie molina #luke patterson #fanfiction #request #prompt #alex mercer #reggie peters #willie jatp #flynn jatp #five times plus one #anonymous #julie and the himbos #fanfic #my writing #send prompts #send requests #kid fic #future fic #alive au #sick fic

[fyeahnix]

Pathfinder's Quest — Bangalore/Wraith, Voidstrike Shipping Speculation? (7/7)

I'm going to talk about my thoughts on the Apex Legends lore book in a series of smaller posts. I have a LOT of fractured thoughts on this book and it would be unnecessarily long if I were to list them out in the same post. If you want to skip to some other post because the content in this one doesn't sound interesting, please do so! I will be numbering the posts and tagging them with "nix talks apex book lore" if you'd like to follow these specific posts and "apex book spoilers" if you'd like to avoid them.

This special post will strictly be about Voidstrike speculation. Keep in mind that this is speculation with a theory based on available lore. You don't have to take this seriously, but if you ship Voidstrike in any capacity, you might want to read this. Caution that this post will be very long and will contain quite a few images from the book as well as Broken Ghost and other supporting material. Let's go!

Book Content + Supporting Material

All right. I've been waiting an entire month to write up this post. You all know by now that Voidstrike is my OTP for Apex Legends. The unfortunate problem with this ship, like some other ships in Apex, is that they have the bare minimum of interaction with each other. Even in this book that proves to be true, except for one interesting little exchange through Pathfinder...

Do you see this comment? I asked Tom Casiello, Senior Writer of Apex Legends and Target of Internet Scorn (just poking fun at his twitter bio here), about it on Twitter and this is what he said:

Yes, that's right, y'all. These two have beef. I can imagine Wraith is little pissed about the whole "headcase" thing from Season 5's Broken Ghost quest:

I mean, can you blame Wraith? Anita’s kind of an asshole in canon, if we’re being honest, so Wraith wanting to get back at her in some way makes sense. She went the fuck off on Mirage when he made a similar comment about her in the Season 6 comic posted on Twitter. What's even weirder is Anita's response when Pathfinder tells her what Wraith said:

Now. I know what you’re thinking. “Nix, it’s not that deep, Anita’s just being a sarcastic dick.” And you would likely be correct, and I would not disagree with you. On the next page, however, this exchange happens:

First of all, why would Anita ask "why would Wraith tell me anything?" Has she tried talking to Wraith before and Wraith may have been closed off and/or hesitant? Or maybe she doesn't fully trust Anita because Anita has such strong feelings about the IMC? Is she... hurt by Wraith not telling her things? Did Wraith try to open up once before, get shot down by Anita's reaction to the IMC, and Anita's been a little salty about it since, henceforth, the shitty "headcase" comment? Maybe Wraith is being a little shit and getting back at her in a weird way. This comment initially sounded vaguely flirty but what do I know except the writers haven't been known to just write things for literally no reason...

Lots to think about here, but I'm hoping we'll get a follow-up to this in-game at some point.

And second of all, why would Pathfinder ask if they're best friends? I know he has an interesting view of who he considers friends...generally people who have talked to him for more than a minute:

But a “best friend”? What would give him that assumption about these two? Is it because they have some things in common? Or has he seen them interacting more than we (the players and lorehounds) know of? Is it because of their one exchange in Broken Ghost? I don’t think so at all. Granted, right on the next page Anita calls Wraith a lab rat (pretty shitty!), but as we learn later on, she is really sensitive and defensive about people who speak badly about the IMC (more on this in my post about Bangalore). I'm thinking Path mentioning Wraith being IMC pissed her off because Wraith, overall, blames them for what happened to her.

In any case, it's an interesting question to ask, and I do have to wonder if Wraith and Anita have been seen talking to one another for more than a minute lol. But Anita's answer is intriguing. She doesn't flat out say no. We know Anita to be very direct—sarcastic, sure—but generally you'd expect a straight fucking answer from her. Here, she doesn't even give one. She beats around the bush for an answer. What I think is happening here is about the same as her talking about Octane and Mirage. Remember that loading screen from Season 3? No? Well, let me refresh your memory...

Send in the Clowns (Season 3 Loading Screen)

Numbnuts! That’s what Mama used to call guys like that. You know the type. Big jokes, big trucks, big wallets...they need all that big to cover up what’s small. I got four brothers. Real gentlemen, raised with respect. They don’t have to woo-hoo their way through a battlefield like it’s a joke and they’re the punchline. Sorry, Laughtrack. The only punchline is you’re going home in a box.

Maybe Silva isn’t so bad. He’d take a bullet for anyone… mostly ‘cause he’s already fifty paces ahead, charging in with no game plan and even less strategy. Witt’s had my back more than once. And whatever, he’s gotten a chuckle out of me. Occasionally. Maybe they’re good. For morale, I mean. I mean… I just need them to stay out of my way.

She's just... like that. Anita is the type of person who won't openly admit that she actually likes or respects anyone. She's guarded, and she's probably been this way since her brother Jackson died. And that's where Loba comes in.

See, I think Loba has been making Anita rethink some things about opening up. Anita initially pegged Loba wrong, and in her chapter, Pathfinder basically figures out that she initially hated Loba because Loba reminds her of her older brother's shitty girlfriend:

I think Loba's purpose in her and Anita's budding friendship is to eventually lead Anita to opening up to others, especially Wraith, since Path mentioned they have a lot in common, which is something I've been saying for fucking months. Now, Wraith and Anita haven't really had any interaction that we know of outside of Broken Ghost and the book, but there have been some....very minor hints/foreshadowing. I'm going to preface this by saying you may think I'm being a little...out there with these points, but trust me, we'll touch on why these matter later. For now:

Back in Season 1, both Bangalore and Wraith were the first two Legends to get Legendary skins in the Legendary Hunt themed event. First occurence is an incident.

In the Season 3 opening trailer, Caustic throws a gas canister inside a room and you can vaguely see Bangalore and Wraith in the room on the same team:

In the Legend select screen, these two were right next to each other up until they were separated in Season 6. They were together. Five. Straight. Seasons. Was there another, more subtle reason they were separated? Common sense would say no, it's because we're getting more Legends and the UI needs to change to accommodate. Shipping and speculation sense would say maybe it's metaphorical and foreshadowing a story element. Maybe something happened between them that we aren't aware of yet and they've separated.

At the end of Season 6 for the Fight or Fright Halloween event, we got a bundle of skins called the Wicked Wraith bundle. Guess who's in it? Bangalore and Wraith plus some gun skins. But only these two Legends.. Hm.. Two's a coincidence.

In Season 7, we got the Black Friday event where we got both Airship Assassin and Outland Warrior back in the shop, two beloved Wraith and Bangalore skins respectively. Three's a pattern, and with this lovely banner:

In Season 8, for the Two-Year Anniversary Event, both Bangalore and Wraith received stat trackers of their concept art... We typically only get two Legends' trackers per each event with a prize track, and we got these two for this event? I predicted back in October 2020 that they would get stat trackers in the same event, but I didn't expect this event out of everything.

If one's an incident, two's a coincidence, and three's a pattern, then what's four very similar occurrences?

If you've read up to this point, you're either deprived for Voidstrike content like I am, or wondering just how much further I'm willing to dig for hints to support this ship. Trust me, I have a little more.

I am predicting that Anita and Wraith will start having some interaction starting Season 9 or 10. Why? Well, back at the start of Season 7, there was a Reddit AMA with the senior team members of Respawn. It was mostly to address the battlepass issue, but Manny Hagopian, the Lead Writer for Apex Legends, was also there answering questions, so I took a shot and asked him one:

You can totally chalk this up to typical “I can’t say anything right now” PR talk, sure, but I think he's hinting that this was in the plans. Tom has also said something:

Now, granted, this is Tom and mostly everyone takes whatever he says with a grain of salt, myself included, but it's worth keeping an eye on since what Manny says kind of lines up. We were supposed to get a follow-up to Broken Ghost, but that story, whatever it was, ended up being... let's say, "altered"? Tom has a thread on what actually happened on Twitter (that I did link here, but removed for fear of this post not appearing in the tags), but the follow-up was essentially "axed" and bits and pieces of it had to be kicked down the road in various different formats in the lore. What does this have to do with Season 9 and my theory?

Well, there's supposed to be some crazy stuff happening in Season 9 and I think we're going to start to see some elements pop up from what was supposed to happen in Broken Ghost. Why? Well another thing Tom said from that same Twitter thread:

I think whatever Tom was working on was related to IMC, Bangalore, and Wraith. And the reason I believe this is because of a now-deleted video from Chris Edgerly’s twitch stream from back around May 27th, 2020 or so where Tom was a guest. I unfortunately didn’t think to archive the page or video so I don’t have it, but I can say with confidence that I asked a question about Anita and Wraith having some future interaction about the IMC stuff, and the answer he gave was...suspiciously vague. He said something along the lines of:

"I just started writing something dealing with that and you should get to see it before the end of the year [2020]. And that’s all I’ll say on that :]"

I know that’s...well it doesn't say MUCH, but it is making me think that it's the same content he may have been working on. I have a feeling it may be in comic form, but who knows how the format may change. Season 9 is supposed to be fairly game-changing for Apex overall, according to the devs.

The last bit I wanted to mention was character development. I said earlier how I think Loba is helping Anita open up a bit more overall, and eventually that will turn towards others as well as Wraith. Anita, compared to other Legends, has seen character development through voice lines. And Wraith is kind of doing the same. Like sure Loba talks to Anita, but she hasn't really...progressed as a character much. She's remained fairly flat so far. We're actively seeing Anita's walls break down as she becomes more vulnerable as a person. And no one else is really doing this much except for, arguably, Wraith.

Wraith has had some very introspective voice lines to herself while on Olympus, basically wondering if the Rift explosion was a result of her experiments, wondering what type of person she was to have partnered with Singh. Wattson even mentions she looks more lost than usual, and Wraith responds that she needs to handle this on her own for now. We know from the end of Season 6's comics that she's learned she was apparently a shitty person in her past life with anger issues and a severe lack of empathy. She wonders about this and is actively working towards... not being like that lol. She's also fairly sarcastic as we've seen with her voice lines with Rampart, but she's developing as a character, albeit slowly and more subtly than Anita.

So now that that's all out of the way. Where do we go from here? Well, this brings me to a theory I've manifested due to the points in the post so far.

The Theory

What if Anita and Wraith were on pretty okay terms with each other previously and we just haven't heard about it yet? What if they’ve known each other for a while?

Anita has been in the Outlands with a small group of IMC soldiers, her brother Jackson and General Lewis included, for about 18 years. She's been in the Apex Games for about 3 years and the Hestia incident happened about 3 years ago:

That lines up. Since the start of the Apex Legends lore takes place in 2733 (as of Season 8 we are now in the year 2734 in lore), that would mean she had to have joined around 2730. What about Wraith?

Well... I think Anita and Wraith joined the Apex Games around the same time. In the book Wraith mentions that she took a few years to hone her skills before she ended up in a qualifying match:

She arrived at our Kings Canyon in 2727. If she took a few years, she had to have joined around 2730-2731. What if they met and actually were amicable? Closed-off on both ends, but mutually respectful towards each other as coworkers? And maybe this is what causes Pathfinder to assume they're "best friends" in the book.

...That is until the Repulsor incident happened and the IMC labs under Kings Canyon were eventually unearthed. Wraith learned her real name and what the IMC (ARES more specifically) did to her and so did the rest of the Legends she was somewhat close to—Mirage, Pathfinder, and...Anita.

What if Anita took the IMC disrespect personally, thought Wraith was placing blame on the IMC instead of taking responsibility for her own actions like Anita mentions in the book, and Anita blew up about it? Wraith would probably feel extremely hurt by this and withdraw from opening up even more. At this point, Anita would hold a bit of a grudge about the IMC bad-mouthing.

They continue to work as coworkers and on a team when necessary, but the mutual respect has been...lost. Wraith finds friendship elsewhere in Wattson. Fast forward to the events of Broken Ghost. Anita is stressed, annoyed, dealing with too much shit at leading the operation, and hurls an insult at Wraith, the infamous "headcase" comment. It's extremely shitty and uncalled for and while Wraith doesn't explode at her in the moment because of dire circumstances, she absolutely doesn't forget it. It hurts her deeply.

What if after the events of Broken Ghost, their connection is severed. There's some bad blood between them. Wraith's friendship grows with Wattson while Anita's friendship grows with Loba. That separation in the Legend Select screen starting from Season 6 onwards seems a lot more metaphorical...

So fast forward once again to Wraith's comment directed at Anita in the book. It was an opening Pathfinder inadvertently provided and it was an opportunity to take a jab at Anita. But instead of being overtly shitty, she makes a relatively teasing comment. Maybe an olive branch to squash what they have and move on? Anita's response is to thank Wraith when she sees her again. Sarcasm? Maybe. But what if she's being genuine? What if the comment was a joke reflective of the type of humor they shared when they were on better terms with each other?

Anita has been opening up more to Loba, and though shes's still sensitive about the IMC, what if she's more willing to...apologize for the initial shitty comment?

The Theory Continued

Anita has recently, in canon, mentioned Jackson to Loba. Jackson is a VERY sensitive topic for her, and so far, the only two people we know of who have heard her discuss Jackson are Loba and Pathfinder. An interesting thing about Jackson that can be tied back to Wraith is this:

Anita clearly does not accept the ARES Division as part of the IMC, but more than that...Jackson found out the ugly truth about the IMC overall and believed it. Wraith was part of ARES Division and it's why Anita doesn't consider her IMC. Here's where the connection can work:

Continuing the same theory, what if Wraith reminds Anita of Jackson in the worst way possible because of what he told her about the IMC and ARES? Wraith revealing her name and what happened to her conjured up old, painful memories and caused Anita to lash out and close herself off again. Now that Loba is bringing out discussions of Jackson in canon, what if this leads to Anita and Wraith coming back together and rekindling their friendship? There's a lovely quote from Jackson's letter in the book that I feel could foreshadow that happening, too:

"...But in all seriousness, I'm so proud of you. And always remember, what's broken can be fixed. What's shredded can be mended. And what's torn apart can always be put back together again. Love always, Jackson." (82)

What if eventually—slowly, but surely—rekindling this lost friendship leads to Anita opening up to Wraith again? What if it leads to Anita being open and vulnerable enough to learn more about the IMC and ARES Division with/through Wraith via the labs under Kings Canyon? That place is a goldmine of classified information and she very well can see and hear firsthand all the terrible shit they've done. It would be extremely hard to do this, of course. And that's where Manny's comment from the Reddit AMA comes into effect: "...There's much more for both characters to learn and when they do, it's very possible to experience a moment between them, but patience is important."

This is, of course, all just a theory based on what we know about the lore. Is it ridiculous? Possibly! But I also don't think it's entirely farfetched either.

In Conclusion...

I imagine once we get to Season 9—potentially 10 at the latest for quarantine padding and last-minute changes—maybe we'll start seeing them begin to acknowledge each other in some way, and I'm thinking mostly negatively at first. And I don't think it'll be a lot either. Maybe a snarky location voice line or two. Maybe a little mention in a comic or Twitter lore bit. But only a little.

I definitely do think we can expect to see them getting to the point of interacting in the future, but it'll be a slow ride and slow burn. And hey even if we don't... I'll have this post to keep me warm for the rest of my days playing Apex.

Anyway, that's all I have for you! Thanks for reading if you made it this far, I do appreciate it. I love this pairing a lot, and this was really fun to write! Remember, it's just speculation based on....stuff, haha. You don't have to take it or like it at all, but what else am I to do when I'm starved for interaction of my ship? :]

#Apex Legends #Bangalore #Wraith #Voidstrike #Bangawraith #Apex book spoilers #nix talks apex book lore

[douchebagbrainwaves]

MAKER'S SCHEDULE, 631, BRIEFLY

I'm a writer, and writers always get disproportionate attention. How did they stand it? Their main expenses are setting up the company, which costs a couple thousand Altair owners, but without this software they were programming in machine language. Those ideas are so rare that you can't find some way to reach me, how are you going to create a successful company? For a startup, managing them is one of the first 10 employees you'll have almost as much.1 Families are entitled to their own traditions, and who the competitors are and why this company is going to beat them.2 In the late 90s my professor friends used to complain that they couldn't get grad students, because all the undergrads were going to let hosts rent out space on their floors during conventions. Part of the reason I can't believe it will be more like being able to play the two firms off each other as well as talent, so this answer works out to be important, because a we invest such small amounts, and b we think it's better if startups operate out of their own premises, however crappy, than the offices of their investors.

If you're a freelancer or a small company doesn't ensure freedom.3 What makes a good startup idea, it's sort of like having a guilty conscience about something.4 There's an idea that has turned out to be a startup. For a lot of work.5 Which is exactly how I'd describe the way lions seem in the wild seem about ten times more alive. You probably can't overcome anything so pervasive as the model of work is a job. Don't sit on their boards. What really bothers parents about their teenage kids having sex are complex.6 It's not so much as that they never pander: they never say or do something because that's what the audience wants. So if you're going to optimize a number, the one to choose is your growth rate to compensate. In social settings, I found that I got over 100 other responses listing the surprises they encountered. If you don't understand YC.

At the time any random autobiographical novel by a recent college grad could count on more respectful treatment from the literary establishment. The angel now owns 200/1200 shares, or a job. The kind of question on the application form that asks what you're going to clear these lies out of your head, you're going to clear these lies out of your head, you're going to do, at least, nothing good.7 I often recommend that founders act like consultants—that they wanted to.8 In a startup, you don't even know that.9 If these guys had thought they were starting companies, they might have been.10 Viaweb entirely with angel money; it never occurred to us that investors were too conservative here—that they do what they'd do if they'd been in Nebraska, like Evan Williams was at their age? The saddest windows close when other people die.

And when you propagate that constraint, the result is that each species thrives in groups of a certain group, that seems nearly impossible to shake. Someone who's figured that out will automatically focus more on the idea. The only explanation is: by definition. It's not just a figure of speech to say that the outcome is zero. The artists who benefited most from this were the ones who had preserved a child's confidence, like Klee and Calder. Once you have all the college students, you get rich is that there are many degrees of it. It could be replaced on any of these axes it has already started to be on most. When you're a little kid and you're asked to do something differently.

But not all waste is bad. Later I learned it hadn't been so neat, and the three founders each get 25%. Along with such outright lies, there must have been told a lot of economic history, and I understand the startup world is evolving away from their current model.11 If you seem really good we'll accept you anyway. Even in the rare cases where a clever hack makes your fortune, you probably have an idea.12 At least, that's how we'd describe it in present-day languages, if they'd had them. The way you get taught programming in college would be like teaching writing as grammar, without mentioning that its purpose is to make me feel better. After two years, the un-rapacious that you only extract half as much from users as you could. If you have something that no competitor does and that some subset of users urgently need, you have to seem like you understand technology.13 On that scale, every negotiation is unique.14 I was cynical about VCs, but the way he composed them into molecules was near faultless.15 But unfortunately when you graduate, as long as you want.16

Notes

Thanks to Daniel Sobral for pointing this out. Make it clear when you ad lib you end up reproducing some of the things they've tried on the LL1 mailing list. What you learn in college or what grades you got in them, initially, to sell earlier than you expect. But while this is also a name.

In fact most of them. But try this experiment is that if you conflate them you're aiming at. The worst explosions happen when unpromising-seeming startups do badly.

Y Combinator certainly never asks what classes you took in college. This approach has not worked well, but this would work better, and that modern corporate executives were, we try to accept a particular number.

Aristotle the core: the editor in Lisp, they may try to accept that investors are induced by the surface similarities. Com of their assets; and with that additional constraint, you can't help associating it with such a statement would merely be eccentric.

Most word problems in school math textbooks are bad: Webpig, Webdog, Webfat, Webzit, Webfug. Without the prospect of publication, the assembly line, the closest anyone has come is Secretary of Labor Statistics, about 28%.

I think the usual way to fight. The next time you raise as you can see the apples, they made much of it, and no one who's had the discipline to pull it off. Successful founders are driven by people trying to decide whether to go to college, they would implement it and make a lot of investors caring either.

P nonspam are both genuinely formidable, and the exercise of stock options than any preceding president, he was otherwise unoccupied, to get into the heads of would-be startup founders who had been a good idea to make more money. The best thing for startups is very long: it might take an hour over the Internet, like hedge funds, are available only to buy corporate bonds to market faster; the Reagan administration's comparatively sympathetic attitude toward takeovers; the crowds of shoppers drifting through this huge mall reminded George Romero of zombies. That it might take an hour over the Internet. Yes, I had zero effect on the relative weights?

The VCs recapitalize the company, and yet managed to screw up twice at the data, it's probably good grazing. I should add that we're not. They did turn out to be a win to include things in shows that people start to pull ahead in the field.

Galbraith was clearly puzzled that corporate executives would work so hard to mentally deal with the founders gained from running through their initial attitude. Sparse Binary Polynomial Hash Message Filtering and The Old Way. One thing that drives most people emerge from the moment it's created indeed, from hour to hour that the worm might have done all they could be overcome by changing the shape of the bizarre consequences of this: You may not be far less demand for them.

Indiana University Bloomington 1868-1970.

Trevor Blackwell points out that taking time to come up with an associate cold-emailing a startup could grow big in revenues without including the order of 10,000, because investors already owned more than their competitors, who may have realized this, but simply because he was skeptical about Viaweb too. See Greenspun's Tenth Rule. We just store the data, it's software that doesn't seem to want them; you have significant expenses other than salaries that you decide the price, and for filters it's textual.

P 500 CEOs in the sophomore year. It was only because he had more fun than he'd had in school, and philosophy the imprecise half. The philistines have now missed the video boat entirely.

As we walked out we ran into Yuri Sagalov. Emmett Shear writes: I'd argue the long tail for sports may be common in, you'll have to replace you. It took a painfully long time.

The reason Y Combinator.

This is an instance of a safe will be coordinating efforts among partners. In practice it just feels like a loser they're done, she doesn't like getting attention in the definition of property.

The thing to do sales yourself initially. 5%. At first I didn't care about GPAs.

Thanks to Paul Buchheit, Gary Sabot, Trevor Blackwell, Tiffani Ashley Bell, and Jeff Arnold for sharing their expertise on this topic.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #job #Thanks #mailing #assets #talent #field #way #effect #filters #expenses #sort #explosions #Yuri #lot #school #guys #premises #Blackwell #word #languages #language #feels #competitors #Internet