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ballorawan740 · 3 years

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SCP Scenarios: Yandere!SCP x Evil!Reader

Requested by: @Charlie_Sharlotte

So a little bit of context here:

Yes, I've done a Yandere!SCP x Reader before, but this one has a slight twist to it as requested by the user

The reader is just an ordinary human, just like my other post (you can get quick access HERE)

The only difference being how the Yandere!SCPs would react and the reader is evil

I'll be basing this off my other post, if you see something that's rather similar, that's why

SCP 073 (Cain)

When you first met Cain, neither of you had thought of much at first and just greeted each other as usual

Then, of course, you both became really good friends

Some would even say you both were inseparable as wherever they see with of you, the other would be close by

Not long after, you both just started dating which just happened

His yandere traits would gradually come through, but since it wasn't much different to his usual self, none of you would've noticed the change

Apart from you, of course, cus this man wouldn't let you be in harm's way and if you were, he would have to be with you the whole entire time

When Cain discovers that you work for another GOI, he was shocked and tried to -forcefully- make you stay loyal to the foundation which didn't work well

You stayed loyal to the Serpent's Hand and Cain warned the other members of the foundation

Not only did you find out about the news, but you were also very much aware of Cain's yandere tendencies in which you warned your team about this

The news that you were working with the Serpent's Hand got to the O5 council to which they kept a close eye on you

However, some would even call them bluff as you had made your way through the rankings in less than a year, displaying your intelligence and 'loyalty towards the foundation

As well as this, you were able to deceive most of the staff at the foundation, so you would be the last person anyone would suspect if there were an issue between the Foundation and the Serpent's Hand

Due to the love-hate relationship between both parties, the O5 Council had announced you as the 'bridge' between both the Foundation and the Serpent's Hand if either party were in need of help, within the reason of course

As for you and Cain, you tried to distance yourself but Cain's yandere tendencies forbid from that happening

And so you stayed, thinking that you could use him as a scapegoat

SCP 076 (Abel)

Abel gets slightly physical when he's a yandere

Like hella physical to the point he'd tie you up in his box and go on full rage mode if anyone tries to help save you or even question about your whereabouts

However, since you were one of the hostile type SCPs used by the Serpent's Hand, you knew that you could use Abel's yandere traits to your advantage

Since you weren't a yandere yourself, you would more often than not, find yourself trapped in his box

But since you had the ability to summon just about anything out of thin air, just like Abel, you were able to record and complete your tasks without being disturbed

Even though Abel knew that you were a hostile SCP, he was somehow oblivious to your abilities and your secret mission in the Foundation

The O5 council were concerned and intrigued that you were willing to be trapped inside his box and when asked, you kept silent

Abel would do anything to keep you by his side which was annoying if you had something to do, but you were a master manipulator so you were able to bribe him

As for the foundation staff, you could play off as not so hostile for now type SCP unless you were provoked, so most of the time, they'd just leave you in your containment room

During one of the containment breaches, Abel discovered that you were working for another GOI and attempted to question you about this but to no avail

As for the O5 council, they were able to get some information bout you from Abel, but it didn't help very much other than the fact you worked for a GOI

Neither the O5 council nor Abel knew which group you worked for and the council debated on whether to terminate you or not

They have come up with a conclusion to not terminate you for now as you were able to stop Abel from breaching the foundation

However, they had to keep a close eye on you both due to your activities with another GOI and may manipulate Abel into assisting you

SCP 999 (Tickle Monster)

This adorable little yandere orange blob here is the reason why most people in the foundation would suspect you as an enemy to the foundation

As in, either trying to destroy the world, working for another GOI or both, type of way

When 999's yandere traits kick in, he'd definitely be slightly possessive when he'd jealous but no more than that

999 would most definitely be oblivious to your evil traits until he sees it for himself, just like Abel

I feel that the foundation staff also wouldn't suspect a thing since you have that pure, innocent vibe

Since you give off those vibes, you tend to get away with thingy hella easily, sometimes it would go right under the noses of the O5 council, even though you're doing it right in front of them

I have high doubts that anyone would've caught you in the act of betraying the foundation or kidnapping the SCPs

And even if they did and was absolutely certain it was you, most of the others would call them delusional

There was that one time where 999 caught you with another SCP and got hella jealous but you were able to persuade him to stop ignoring you

The second time he caught you was when you were in the middle of releasing some Keter and Euclid class SCPs but wasn't able to stop you or warn the others in time

When the doctors found out, it was too late and you were with the Choas Insurgency

SCP 682 (Hard to Destroy Reptile)

This little sh- right here would literally threaten to kill everyone you've ever cared about right in front of you and he would do it again and again

Luckily, you were cunning and deceitful, some would even say that you come across as suave in what you're doing

And in this case, you would play along with 682 like a game and this giant MF wouldn't even know (cuz he do be thicc)

The foundation is well aware of 682 being such a yandere and it's not like they could do anything other than observe

However, what's even scarier is you being able to multitask in various fields, making you a perfect doctor/agent they have

You were also planning on releasing the SCPs just for your own gain and would even go as far as deceiving the other GOIs just for some helping hand and gathering some intel

Not only that, you have used 682 as your scapegoat many times since he was known for causing various breaches

During that time, you were able to free most SCPs with a little help and those agents would soon be declared missing or dead under mysterious circumstances

Nobody would ever suspect you since you put on such an innocent facade and portrayed yourself as just someone who did as they're told

SCP 049 (Plague Doctor)

As a yandere, 049 would most definitely be similar to 035 and tie you up as a punishment

Sometimes, he would even go as far as using his 'subordinates' to monitor you while you were being left alone in a room while he's doing something

Normally, 049 would avoid punishing you and would explain to you what you did wrong with a harsher tone as if to intimidate you

However, as time went by, you've learnt a lot from the doctor and was able to adapt to various situations just like him

Being an ordinary human being, you'd constantly have to avoid touching his hands with yours or if you ever remembered, you'd wear gloves in case 049 would hold yours out of nowhere

If there were any breaches, the first thing he'd do is to look for you and make sure that you're by his side constantly

Little did he know, you were the corporate behind the breach as you wanted to seek revenge on the foundation for taking your family away and killing them all

And of course, you've learnt from the best from those around you, especially 049

In your head, you planned to use 049 to your advantage like always, but instead of using him as a scapegoat, you were planning on getting him to go against the foundation's will and join you

However, a part of you also wanted to use him as a scapegoat since all he does is dote around you and be possessive af

SCP 035 (Possessive Mask)

This yandere right here is not only possessive but manipulative af and if you didn't know any better, you would've been wrapped around his fingers

But you did know better, so like many other 'evil people, you used this at your advantage since you know that 035 is all over you

You were amazing at seducing both men and women, but mainly guys, hand to hand combat, hacking, weapon knowledge and even cross-dressing, but you'd much rather not do that and hide in the dark (you introverted shy mf)

From time to time, you were able to make 035 leave you as you had "behaved well and should be rewarded" as 035 puts it

During that time, you'd hack into the Foundation's most secretive files and grab all the information you needed in order to achieve whatever goals you intended to finish

Not even 035 or the Foundation knows about this and if they ever catch on about the hacking incident, they wouldn't even take a second thought that it was you (since you have such a pretty face and nobody would suspect a thing, you're welcome for the compliment)

Since you were reliable, independent and trustworthy in the Foundation's eyes and you were able to adapt to 035's persona and adopt it into your work, you'd occasionally be sent to the other GOIs as an undercover spy

Little did everyone know, you used every bit of tool and would even use your position as an undercover to blackmail and even spill out the secrets of your mission just to get to where you want anyone to be

The Foundation would never have guessed your goals and would consider this incident as a slip-up and allow you to continue if you were able to keep everything under control

Not only that but they were soon informed that wherever you go, an individual or a whole team of people from the GOIs, including the Foundation's, would go missing or dead

Nobody knows why and they wouldn't even dare to question your authority since you were so high up

SCP 096 (Shy Guy)

You were just one of the cleaners at the Foundation which so happened to bond well with 096 despite him being a yandere

096 as a yandere wasn't as bad as the others as he'll only go into depression or possessive mode, but even then, he was still handleable (IT'S CUZ HE HAS THAT MFING FACE THAT NO MOTHER COULD LOVE)

Anyways, I doubt that 096 would have enough intelligence to gather that you're evil for quite some time, but that doesn't mean that he's completely stupid

Moreso oblivious since he wouldn't believe anyone who says that you're working for another organisation and that you're just using him

When he went back to his cell, you came to check up on him and heard him crying, so you asked what happened

He told you all the 'lies' about you working for Chaos Insurgency and you quickly dismissed that with ease, knowing that 096 will only listen to you

You had informed your captain/team leader about the Foundation catching on and they made sure that you're still 'clean' and sent a couple of others to aid you

Once everyone got a hold of your plan, 096 quickly came out and snatched you, but not before killing all the agents

Basically, he's your personal bodyguard and servant who just happens to be depressed and slightly possessive

SCP 105 (Iris)

Oh dear oh dear oh dear

Iris is beyond possessive

She'll basically tie you up for days if she wanted to and you would have to try and outwit her since she has military training

Outwitting her would be hard since she's rather intelligent too

So what you did was to listen to her for quite some time in order to buy some time for your crew to sneak in and grab whatever they need before they flee

You made sure to be extra kind and sweet to our Iris here since she somehow managed to regain access to her camera

Your team was quickly notified so they proceeded with caution

Just because you managed to fool Iris doesn't mean you could fool the Foundation

As the Foundation proceed to warn Iris, you attempted to reassure her that it's not what it looks like, but she's not stupid at all

Depending on the situation, she might tie you up for days if not weeks and let you consume the tiniest amount of food and water

However, if you somehow managed to free yourself, defend yourself if she fighting you or outwit her, you would run back to your base to never be seen again

SCP 106 (Old Man)

An old yandere like 106 would make ordinary people think he's just old, crippled and possessive as well as perhaps a sugar daddy (Sorry, not)

Anyhow, aside from him being such a yandere, he wouldn't exactly notice you being evil and all unless it's explicitly shown in front of him and even then, he wouldn't believe it

The researchers, however, did manage to catch onto your evil side as you were midway through releasing various SCPs, including 682, 939 (FREE MY PET PLS), 049 and a couple of other well known Keter and Euclid class SCPs

They tried to arrest you and take you into full custody and interrogate you with the help of 105 and you found out soon that they both had a deal

The deal was that the researchers would get as much information out of you before disposing you to 106

You took advantage of this deal and managed to send a message to your team about it just to make sure that you're protected and someone would be sent to help you

Once you've done your mission in freeing certain SCPs, you were tasked to shut down or destroy the Foundation but failed

And not only that but your team were also caught in assisting you and breaking free the SCPs and were then killed on site

Since you were caught, your team leader sent down another dispatch to kill you and retrieve all the necessary information they needed

But since you didn't tell the Foundation everything you knew, they made an agreement with you by telling them everything you knew in exchange for your safety and you obliged

You also went to 106 and made him have a deal with both you and the researchers, but knowing the old man, you're more likely going to be killed by that SCP than by your team

Dr Simon Glass

This mf softie of a yandere right here would definitely know you're up to something

I mean, he's a psychologist, so of course, he'll get inside of your head before you would even blink twice

He wouldn't call you out just yet since he doesn't know the full extent of you working under someone or if you're working for yourself and using others to your own advantage

As for you, you knew that Simon wouldn't just let you go if he ever found out on what you're plotting and nor would he help bail you out just because you asked so nicely

So to avoid this problem, you asked your fellow subordinates from Dr Wondertainment to help cover for you

The MTFs caught on that there was newly discovered SCPs on their site and were quickly ordered to exterminated, neutralise or capture them for the safety of them and the others and to conduct further research

Little did they know, it was your little stunt to just get closer to Dr Glass and to use him in your plans

After many months of studying each and every SCPs and conducting a plan for your team, the researchers finally discovered that it was you behind all the mess with the help of Simon Glass

Realising that it is too dangerous for you to be working along in the Foundation, you fled,, leaving Simon Glass all alone and wanting to keep you in his room forever

Simon demanded a search party to find you but was denied

Since you've been caught already, you sent somebody else to do the work for you

And that assistant just so happens to look just like you (totally not your evil twin or anything)

Dr Jack Bright

Jack Bright had you locked up in a chamber below the Foundation when he had discovered you being the culprit behind the recent breaches and other related incidents

You were just as vicious and deadly as most of the best agents the Foundation ever has and staying in the Foundation had just turned you insane and just as sadistic

You enjoyed causing so much chaos, leaving all the innocent, cheery memories behind and new friends and family you've made along the way was long gone

Bright wasn't stupid, he may be goofy and somewhat chaotic at times, he'd been in the Foundation for longer than anyone (he'd also be earning more than the amount of money in your bank account)

He's definitely one of the most intelligent doctors and most definitely has access to most files and holds more secrets than any seniors in the Foundation

There's no doubt that he would find out about you and lock you up in no time

Knowing you, he's very much certain that you'll wreak havoc on the Foundation within a matter of hours for no apparent reason

The other staff would deem you as an SCP but Bright dismisses that and nobody has ever heard of you since

He tortured you for hours and its no wonder why you'd become so visibly and mentally insane

Dr Alto Clef

Clef was able to somehow find a way to unlock your secrets about you working with another GOI named Church of the Broken God

And despite having to work together with a handful of times, both GOIs remain enemies, so Alto would have to keep a close eye on you

On occasions, he would blackmail you, chain you up and inflict pain on you just to get some intel off from you

However, little did he know, you've learnt from the best liars and was able to conceal the truth from him

Clef may be good at finding information on a person and threaten others, but you were able to adapt as quick as the speed of light and was manipulative just like him

Unlike the others, Clef would most definitely snitch on you, but that's no surprise since you've done just that to him with the Church of the Broken God

Moreover, Clef didn't know that you were married to someone working for the very same GOI and was shocked once he found out

The Foundation found it difficult to track you and your spouse since you're both highly trained along with the data you've gathered on the foundation staff and SCPs

Dr Benjamin Kondraki

Benjamin Kodraki, another softer yandere, would have never known that you worked with the Deer College if it wasn't for his butterflies

He would give you the benefit of the doubt at first, but when you kept doing his questions and threats, he would give in and tell the O5 council

They would dismiss Kondraki at first, but once they've discovered a chain of unusual events happening at the Foundation, they knew it was much more than just a coincidence and took action

Kondraki aided them in finding you, but to no avail, except for one of your long term friends (you have friends?! what a shocker)

He had chained up your friend and they exposed your hideout spot which just so happened to be right underneath the Foundation

When he had found you, he forcefully dragged you up to his room and tied you up as you saw your friend's lifeless body beside you

You hated him because of his yandere tendencies and tried to break free

Luckily for you, the professors at the College managed to set you free, fleeing with you before Kondraki and the other members of the Foundation could do anything

Later on, Kondraki soon realised that you were in the Deer College just to gain additional knowledge and to retrieve some samples of the SCPs in the Foundation to conduct your own research and art collection

Not only that, you were exceptionally good at history and social science and Invocations and Summoning which was why you picked both subjects to study further with your creativity in the art department as your hobby

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babygirl06301 · 3 years

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When Did Dean Fall In Love With Cas?

tl;dr: S11

I’ve wanted to talk about this since the show ended and the Spanish dub that broke Tumblr came out. So, when did Dean Winchester fall in love with Castiel?

This is entirely my opinion of course, and I know there are some people that will say it was right away or that it never happened at all, but I wanted to put my thoughts out there so other people could tell me their thoughts, too. I’ll probably get off on some tangents here and there, so feel free to send me any Destiel thoughts you’ve got.

Also, it’s worth noting that, to me, there’s a difference between falling in love and actually being in love. I mean, if you’ve fallen in love with someone, every point in your relationship has been a stepping stone to that point, so I guess it’s all abstract, but still. Hence, S11 being my answer to this question.

Keep in mind I’m doing this without the benefit of a recent rewatch, so I may miss some behaviors from Dean that would change a few things.

Warning: sappy stuff ahead; read at your own risk (also crappy images).

S4-5

I don’t think it’s that big of a secret that Dean attached himself to Cas, like, right away. I mean, the dude never talks about his emotions, and yet, it took eight episodes of Cas being around for Dean to break down in front of him and talk about his fears. It’s almost like you could say that’s because they were always meant to fall for each other.

However, I don’t really the think the process of falling in love with Cas had started yet. I do think that Dean cared about Cas, but I don’t think it was anything extremely special. Reason being: it was the literal end times and Dean didn’t have that type of time. That, and I think there’s something to be said for being raised a certain way and believing certain things about yourself that affects how long it takes for you to notice that something has changed. So, yeah. I don’t think Cas had been around long enough at this point for Dean to start feeling anything more than kinship with him.

That’s not to say, though, that Dean didn’t subconsciously find Cas hot or get the warm fuzzies sometimes because:

I mean, come on.

S6-7

So, this era is weird because I do think something had begun to change in how Dean saw Cas, but I don’t think he got to fully begin the process of falling in love with him because: a.) Cas betrayed them and b.) Sam’s head was broken.

I’m gonna say something rude now: I think a lot of the Destiel moments in the beginning of S6 were born of Dean needing Castiel’s abilities as an angel and not of needing Cas. For example, Dean calling on Cas to help with the Staff of Moses or with Soulless!Sam. He was usually pretty demanding and sometimes curt with Cas and got irritable when Cas couldn’t help.

However, I think that Cas always being there despite his battle in Heaven began to shift Dean’s feelings toward him. I do think this change was almost imperceptible, but you can see Dean showing more and more concern for Cas as S6 progresses. Like this:

This is the primary reason I think Dean got so defensive of Cas when Bobby and Sam started suggesting that Cas was working with Crowley. It’s also why he got so hurt when he found out that Bobby and Sam were right.

Here’s my super abstract and vague take on it: he’d started feeling romantic emotions for Cas, but as soon as Cas’s betrayal was revealed, it got replaced with pain. Basically, Dean almost started to fall for Cas in S6, and then the Purgatory storyline interrupted it.

And then Cas died. Which didn’t help.

Here we enter S7, which has fuck all for Destiel content beyond the first two episodes—until Cas comes back. I know some people are going to say not to gloss over the trench coat thing, and fair enough. I think the keeping of the trench coat was akin to Dean trying to hold onto what he did feel for Cas, obviously not consciously. Almost as though Dean could tell he’d lost something special when Cas died, and not just in losing Cas, but in losing part of himself, a part that he didn’t know existed yet. I don’t consider the trench coat to be a sign that Dean was falling in love with Cas but a sign that he was about to or that he could’ve. Is that weak? Whatever.

Now, I do think that some shit got shaken loose when Dean saw Cas again because, for all intents and purposes, he should’ve been pissed. But instead he was... whatever this is:

I still, more or less, think that he was too preoccupied with Sam to really begin falling in love with Cas. I think that’s clear to see in how he treated Cas after he came back into the story for the final battle with the Leviathan. He did give the whole “I’d rather have you” speech, but all the stuff before that was more along the lines of “Nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas! Clean up your mess!” So, yeah.

Okay, so this is where the Purgatory stuff comes in. In the words of the great John Mulaney, “we don’t have time to unpack all of that,” but this is where I believe Dean started falling in love with Cas.

Dean told Sam that Purgatory felt pure because he could only focus on the fight at all times... but he still had the emotional availability to worry about and search for Cas, so...

If I had to pick an exact moment, I’d say somewhere around here:

And thus, rather than just keeping a trench coat when he lost Cas, Dean literally rewired his own memories because he would rather think that he left Cas behind than think that Castiel chose to leave him.

From here, we can start seeing Dean paying attention to Cas more, noticing when he’s not being himself, and more than that, worrying about him in a more personal way. For instance, when Dean insists that Cas talk to him about what’s bothering him in “Hunteri Heroici.” Not to mention, Dean becomes a lot more emotionally vulnerable regarding his feelings for Cas. One example would be when he insists that he didn’t abandon Cas in Purgatory. Another would be, of course:

I would also mark this season as the season Dean’s prayers to Cas become more emotional and, at times, cathartic, as though he’s confiding in Cas. In “Remember the Titans,” for example, Dean prays to Cas to ask him to look out for Sam; the scene reads like Dean is asking for help but is, in equal measure, asking for Cas. This is also the first season an adversary pokes at Dean and Cas’s relationship in a way that specifically targets Dean and his feelings about Cas rather than Cas’s feelings about Dean as it had been before; this would be when Naomi says “You’re hoping Castiel will return to you.”

S9-S10

Well, these seasons are complicated to say the least because of Gadreel and the Mark of Cain. I don’t think, at this point, Dean ever stops feeling what he’s feeling for Cas. However, I do think that a lot of the hiccups throughout S9 and S10 made Dean step away from those feelings.

Of course, Dean is still stressing about Cas 24/7 in the beginning of S9 what with Cas being human, Cas being hunted, Cas dying, Cas working at a Gas-n-Sip—you know, drama. I think when Gadreel said that Cas needed to stay away if Dean wanted Sam to be healed, Dean had to let what he was feeling for Cas go—not that that means he stopped feeling it, mind you. No, I don’t think Dean consciously went, “Well, guess I’m done falling for this dude,” but I think he knew somewhere in his heart that it wasn’t the time.

Now, the Mark of Cain. The storyline that put the characters down on the page once and left them stagnant and unchanging until it was resolved. Now, as you might imagine, slowly turning into a demon that wants nothing but death would put a damper on any relationship. Finding Destiel in the B season for S9 and throughout S10 is hard. Especially on Dean’s end.

There are moments when you can tell that Dean’s feelings for Cas are still there, and I would say, developing slowly, like the cheeseburger date. Probably the biggest Destiel moment in the entire Mark of Cain stretch is when Dean nearly kills Cas but resists, despite the Mark’s hold on him.

That’s really it, though. No backwards movement, but barely anything trending the opposite way, either.

S11

This is the Big Season™, the one I believe Dean fell in love with Cas in. Now, obviously, it isn’t like Dean lost the Mark, and boom, fell in love with Cas. Plus, there’s the whole pull-to-Amara thing. However, I don’t think falling in love necessarily has to be a big moment; I think it can just happen, and I think that’s what happened with Dean. At some point between the start of this season and Cas being released from Lucifer’s possession, Dean fell in love with Cas.

That being said—if I was really reaching for a moment—I wouldn’t say it happened during a happy scene. I’d say Dean fell in love with Cas when he lost him.

I know that sounds weird, that Dean didn’t fall in love with Cas completely until he realized Cas had been possessed by Lucifer, but in my head, it fits. I think it’s because Dean is so emotionally closed off and tries not to let his emotions show if he can help it that it took knowing that Cas was gone for that last switch to flip in his heart.

So, now Dean is in love with Cas, but Cas is Lucifer. I’d say this has something to do with the fact that, even though Dean is supposed to be attached to Amara, he still calls out for Cas even though Amara is right in front of him.

Considering the fact that Cas comes back in the literal last episode—at least, that’s when Dean realizes he’s back—there isn’t a whole hell of a lot of time to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. We do get the “you’re our brother, Cas” scene, but seeing as how that’s pretty inconsistent with everything that comes afterward, let’s just chalk that one up to bad writing and/or Dean being dense.

S12

Alright, so my post should be done, yeah? I’ve answered the question I’ve set out to answer. However, there’s still more to talk about here. When did Dean first sense that what he felt for Cas was different? When did he have an inclination that it was romantic? When did he know for sure?

That’s why we’re here in S12. Now, S12 is the most Destiel-heavy season in the entire series. In my opinion, while it does have many of the best Destiel scenes, it doesn’t have the best Destiel scene. However, as far as number of moments, S12 takes it.

This is where we really get to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. Realistically, I think this has a lot to do with S12 being the beginning of the Dabb era because this era marked a change in tone for both Castiel’s character and his relationship with Dean. Dean began to worry about Cas a lot more frequently and, as a result, got mad at him a lot more, too. I see S12 as the season that Dean moved away from simply being worried about losing Cas to being terrified of losing Cas. And that translated into anger any time Castiel put himself in danger. For example, killing Billie. Any other time, the threat of losing Cas translated itself into fear, like when Cas nearly died from being stabbed with the Lance of Michael.

Of course, the mixtape is also in this season, which is another example of how being in love with Cas has affected Dean. I could probably make an entirely seperate and very long post regarding Destiel in S12, but the general idea is that Dean’s newly found love for Cas made a big difference in how he treated Cas.

S13

Alright, S13 stands outs to me because I believe this is when Dean first realized that Cas meant something more to him than a friend and that he felt differently about him than he did about his family. Again, I don’t think that Dean actually thought those exact words, but I think his heart knew them to be true even if he mind didn’t. Reason being: Cas had just died. Which is the first time Castiel has died since Dean fell in love with him. Dean knew he needed Cas, in a way he hadn’t really realized it before. Which is why he demands that Chuck bring him back.

Then Cas comes back, and it’s like Dean forgets what hopelessness and misery are because Cas is his “big win.” After this, honestly, there isn’t much else by way of emotional development for Dean regarding Cas, but I see that as a good thing. It’s a sign that, though Dean hasn’t realized it yet, being in love with Cas is comfortable for him. There are still expressions of concern for Cas’s wellbeing throughout the season, but mostly, we just get to see Dean be content with Cas.

S14

Alright, S14 a.) mostly saw Dean’s feelings much in the same place as they were in S13 and b.) just kidding because Dean tells Cas that he’s dead to him in this season.

To be fair, if we’re talking Destiel, there’s more of it on Castiel’s end this season than there is on Dean’s because Dean is dealing with Michael. There are a couple moments that stand out to me as moments where Dean’s love for Cas comes through: when Cas asks Dean if his plan to trap himself in the Ma’lak Box means that they’re supposed to say goodbye and when Dean confides in Cas about how he’s handling keeping Michael trapped. In the former scene especially, I think it’s clear to see how much the idea of saying goodbye to Cas affects Dean.

And then we get to “Absence,” which is the episode where Dean tells Cas that he’ll be dead to him if Jack killed Mary. Now, going off on a tangent here to explain how this ties into Dean being in love with Cas, let’s talk about when Dean gets mad at Cas.

When Dean gets mad at Castiel, it’s always out of pain. I think that’s a very unique effect that Cas has on Dean that no one else does, and I believe it’s because Dean gets so overwhelmed with the emotion of betrayal that all he can do is push Cas away. Why a feeling of betrayal? Well, in this case, it’s because Cas knew something was wrong with Jack and didn’t say anything. I think that, as Dean fell more and more in love with Cas, his expectations and feelings for him grew, and because of that, when he feels like he’s been let down by Cas, it turns into rage.

When Dean walks away from Sam, it’s usually because he’s either worried or angry. With Jack, he walked away because of anger, maybe even disgust. But with Cas, it’s always pain; it’s always because Dean feels like he’s been personally betrayed in a way that has nothing to do with worrying about Cas and everything to do with wanting to hurt Cas back. It’s almost a selfish sort of anger, which is actually a positive for Dean’s character since he rarely puts himself first.

To me, the way Dean gets mad at Cas—especially in S14—is so personal and unique that it serves as proof as to why Dean is in love with Cas. So, even though the “then you’re dead to me” line is so damaging, it’s still a result of Dean loving Cas.

S15

Last season. The hardest season by far, for a lot of reasons. I’m not going to get into the lack of closure the ending of this show gave us in terms of Dean and Castiel, and I’m not going to talk about this final season in conjunction with the Spanish dub—just what I, as an English speaker experienced in canon since that’s what was intended in the final cut—but I will talk about everything else. There’s three episodes/points I’m going to hit with this season, and I’m sure we all know them: “The Rupture,” “The Trap,” and “Despair.”

I’ve already discussed why Dean’s anger points to his being in love with Cas, but I think the important thing to note with “The Rupture” is that Dean still didn’t want to lose Cas, even in the moments when he was hurting Cas and pushing him away.

There’s still a couple questions I’ve asked that I haven’t answered yet, and one of them will be answered with “The Trap.” I think this episode—and really, the moment Cas told him he heard his prayer—marks the first time that Dean considered that his feelings might be romantic. I don’t know how clear those thoughts were or if Dean told himself he was wrong afterward, but I do think that that scene was the beginning of possibility for Dean and Cas. Had they had enough time, they would’ve decided to be together, and that scene is where they both really felt it for the first time—even if they didn’t believe the other felt the same way.

I’ll be honest: I really don’t want to talk about “Despair” because it’ll just make me sad. Alas, there is one question that still needs to be answered: When did Dean know that he was in love with Cas?

When it was already too late. Much like in S11, I think it took Dean losing Cas to realize how he felt about him. The difference here is: I think Dean would’ve realized it regardless; hearing how Cas felt about him and then losing Cas just forced it. Had Cas not died, I don’t believe it would’ve been too long before Dean realized it naturally, and that’s the most frustrating thing about this scene is that Dean didn’t have to learn how he felt through the trauma of losing Cas.

I’m not trying to diminish this scene because, had there been closure—and proper editing—I’d say this scene was the perfect avenue for Castiel’s character to go down because it would mean that, when he came back, he could be with Dean.

Again, I’m not getting into the semantics of the final couple episodes or how they handled Destiel because it’ll just make me mad, but I think Dean realizing he was in love with Cas was just as big of a factor in him seeing himself differently as Cas’s speech was. I think Dean wanted to honor Cas by being the person Castiel saw him as; I think Dean wanted to live as a man worthy of being loved by the man he fell in love with.

Anyway, that’s my take on when Dean Winchester fell in love with Castiel based on what canon gave us. As someone who had been very realistic about the possibility of Destiel over the years and had never truly hoped for it in canon because I knew better, I have never been more convinced that Dean is in love with Castiel as I am now, after the show has ended.

I don’t think I can say I believe he was in love with him all along, but I believe that his story, their story, of falling in love is real and true, however long it may have taken. I’ll never say goodbye to these two, but I’m happy that I can at least walk away from this show knowing that they found each other in the end, even if their ending didn’t do justice to their legacy.

Let me know when you think Dean fell in love Cas or vise versa. I’m curious to know what you see in their relationship. I don’t think I’ll be making a post like this for Castiel because, in my opinion, Cas fell in love with Dean rather quickly—his journey was just realizing what that meant. Anyway, thank you for reading this, and thank you for being a part of this twelve year long love story that is Destiel.

#destiel #casdean #cas x dean #dean x cas #dean winchester #castiel #spn #supernatural

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thewanderer-000 · 3 years

Text

Letting Go...

Tagged by @mrspaigeomega

I'm not tagging anyone because I'm taking too long to get these out and I feel like I'm bothering y'all. But mostly, I feel like I'm bothering everyone.

(Note: recently edited, 18+. Language, comfort, physical(may cause triggers), angsty. Normally, I don't write like this but the story got away with me. And new FC5 OC Penelope Thompson)

______________________

The evening set in, Jacob felt it, he didn't have to see a sunset to know evening was there. Jacob sat at his desk, blank stare at the paper work on his desk, it was another episode where he felt overtly anxious with his crowded mind. And some people of his past sat in the shadows, too bad they didn't stay in the past. Jacob especially didn't want to see remnants of Miller, and his parents as he stayed up too late. Or have them popping up like his chosen in the halls, or like her.

Deputy Penelope "Nelly" Thompson, who Jacob unfortunately was practically pried off of in a isolated incident, she struggled to breathe and failed to break his hold around her neck. After, Jacob couldn't really look at Nelly, he remembered why he did what he did. Matters were worse since he left a highly visible bruise on Penelopes neck, resistance members kept her away from Jacob. And he thought it best, Jacob wanted to block out everything as he walked away. He left quickly so as Nelly wasn't trying to follow him, or anyone else as he looked upon his hands.

It's not like Jacob would go back to choking the light from her, the incident was a giant sign no matter what, the things from his past would haunt and torture him. That he would finally let himself sink low, constantly the villain. Maybe the sinners were right, and he was just like what they painted him as, no matter what he affiliated. Regardless of what Joseph said, Jacob knew that this may be how he does himself in. Then wondering if he would snap again but who would be the unfortunate soul in his grasp next. The tormentors of his past won't stop popping up around him, and how he hated them. He was sorry, and regretted everything wrong he'd done, but it wasn't ever enough suffering, ever. These walls now felt smaller.

He didn't mean to do that, not to her, especially after the truce of peace in his bunker with the resistance members and civilians. On top of that Jacob appointed Nelly as their leader, she's supposed to be a Lieutenant. Here he almost snuffed her out unintentionally, somehow the peace was still here. More than likely everyone was afraid of him, really afraid.

Jacob obsessed, the Miller in his mind just wouldn't leave him alone, then when Miller touched him, Jacob lunged at the his former brother in arms who taunted him. If Miller wouldn't understand that Jacob wanted nothing to do with him, Jacob was going to have to deal with him. The Miller that haunted him did this a lot when it seemed like Jacob was doing good. He'd push and push til Jacob finally pushed back. This time Jacob had Miller tight in his hands as he tried to get away, soon Jacob's parents were trying to free Miller from Jacob's hold. It almost always played out the same way, Jacob attacks but Miller, then Miller is gone, long gone. And Jacob was left with the mess and try to explain himself, how was he to know.

The voices yelling didn't match his parents, Jacob didn't care as he threw a fist at them, but more of his father tried restraining him. Before Jacob knew it, a hand grabbed a fist full of his shirt then his father hit him. Bringing him back to reality. In the silence Jacob's chosen created space between him and Nelly, Jacob looked over at her as some of the resistance came rushing to her aid. Jacob was about to go to her as well, but one of his men prevented him. The feeling in his hands had Jacob realize it wasn't Miller but Penelope, he couldn't stay there, so he left to exercise himself to exhaustion. The hallway felt small before, but now it was almost claustrophobic, he was going to need space.

No one bothered him too much in the following weeks, though they still checked on both Jacob and Penelope. Jacob being monitored for any hallucinations, orders from the only doctor they had, wasn't much but the doctor did his best. Though, enough of the mental health stuff came from the Veterans Center, and tips from Veterans that joined Eden's Gate came in handy. The resistance kept Nelly away from Jacob, he wasn't ready to face her yet. Jacob made that a direct order. One of the women of his Gate informed Jacob that Nelly was fine, but that she still wanted to see him. Jacob said "out of the question", but that he was sorry for what happened, he didn't mean for it to happen. That was the only reply, even though Nelly asked every time she was around the Peggies that came to check on her.

-----------------------------

'Nelly asked for me many times, I knew it was a matter of time till she would come. But the pictures in her medical report, I couldn't make it possible, I can't help what's wrong with me. All the scarred are left with is coping, and sometimes I'm not sure what is going on there. I can only push on, lead as best I can, and hope that at the end of this I'll see my brothers.

Penelope Thompson, Penelope was the only one I wasn't prepared for'.

Before her was Deputy Lyric Cain Haig, a problematic figure in my recent past and now, and now I have Deputy Penelope Thompson, I martyred me. I was gone, and explaining it to Penelope, would she see this mess I hide within myself. I'm constantly fighting me, that is something she didn't need to see, nobody needed to see it. But, would I start to see her here in my hallucinations as well, after a long while maybe I would. I had a few random people come to me in my head, I anticipated this, the most I could ever do is to ride it out. Some brought out the worst in me, my one regret is Penelope suffered one with me, and she's so damn insistent about seeing me.

"Does she just go for shit that is not good for her? Considering she came here, I suppose so", 'Penelope is like that disruptive, incessant Deputy Haig deep down. Though, I think back on those nights when Penelope was in here with me, holding me in her arms, or me holding her in my arms'.

"I can't fucking focus tonight", I get up from my desk to go sit on my bed, 'maybe I'll go to bed or something'. I look at my bed envisioning Penelope and myself, I sigh, because that's not making things better. 'Forget going to bed, I'll head to the gymnasium and work out, but who am I kidding, that wouldn't help. I'm feeling something I don't want to feel, I think I'll get to the gym, fuck waiting for these apparitions to fuck off. I swear this bunker has intensified something's, or maybe it was the bliss. Whatever it's bullshit, that's what it is'.

I change into my sweats, and grab some trainers before heading out. Walking the bunkers halls I hear everyone enjoying the close quarters and each other's company. The single men's and women's quarters are full of laughter. Then some of the married couples are kinda the same, an argument here and there, nothing serious. I started to wonder how Nelly was, from everyone in the bunker, I could only imagine she is well.

'Her soft smile with a bit of a dreamy look as she giggles, her dark brown eyes smiling. That stern look her eyes make when she's confused, concentrating or training. Her full lips, and that face she makes, the one that pokes her lips out even more-'. I quickly approached the gym so as not to keep thinking about Nelly.

Once I enter the gymnasium I go run laps, do a bit weightlifting after laps, push ups, sit ups, and a little circuit training to finish. I'd stay longer but I feel an audience peering at me, and I just didn't want to be someone's form of entertainment or judgment. Being under a human's gaze is different than an apparition, I know mostly what the apparitions are thinking. Human gazes made me uncomfortable now.

I never understood how Lyric could just go with the flow with that sort of thing, but maybe she was used to it. She was one of the top soliders in Marine Corps., I made it back to my room thinking of sister Lyric. I don't know why, 'the little sister I never wanted', much like Faith but I think she's deadlier. Then I wonder if I'd need all of these files after it all, I imagine not if we're all to build on a new world. I walk around my room reading all the files, but the sweat on my clothes was starting to bother me. I undress, tossing my soiled clothing into the laundry basket, leaving my sweat pants on.

At some point of reading files, I fell asleep. I woke hours later, I didn't dream which is great, my dreams only seemed to turn into nightmares. Or take me back to an old reality, but before I could left myself sink, I get off my bed to shower. Refreshing as ever, I welcome the hot water and scrub myself clean, afterwards I looked myself in the mirror thinking about getting rid of the beard. 'Nah, I still like it'. Towel around my waist comes off as I dress, I look at the time and I'm up super early, again. 'And it's fucking Sunday, so nothing is happening, or- fuck'. My door opened and quickly closed as I looked at the calendar, I turn to see Penelope, still by the door.

"Jacob, we need to talk" she stood there looking anywhere that wasn't my face, something was on her mind and she wasn't going to let it go. I wanted to go to her and touch her, have her wrapped in my arms once more but I don't dare. The look on my face fades, knowing that I really fucked up what could have been. Shes afraid and I'm the reason why, and I can't help her.

"Yeah, we should, Penelope. You want to sit down?" I ask, unsure if I should have asked that, but she sits on my bed. I register where she sat but wondered if she's ok with me next to her. I take a shot at sitting next to her and she's stayed, so I assume it's fine enough. She doesn't flinch or move away, but then she looks at me and we just look at each other.

"Jacob, are you ok?" I'm surprised, I couldn't respond to that, 'I suppose, I shouldn't be surprised, she's always been that was since we've been in the bunker'.

"Me? I know I'm not, but you-" I reach out to point at "it", my marks on her neck. She makes a face like what the hell then she sits up unzipping her hoodie to let me see. Not what I wanted but she seems ok, I'm not trusting that facade though. I gently touch, feeling the bruises, my eyes tracing as my hands are.

"Fuck, Penelope. How are you here? I'm surprised that you decided to come near me at all, babe.. Maybe this isn't good, may-" she pulled away before I could finish that sentence, she's gonna be a horses ass now. I exasperated this, or I'm yet to do so.

"Jacob! You've been through the wringer and each time we've been sleeping together you-" Penelope stopped and sat better and took a breath, she had point. 'Though, I didn't know I talked about others in my sleep'.

"You mentioned Miller, and during the incident you mentioned him, again. I just-" I couldn't help but stop her, I didn't want this to consume her.

"I know we talked about your boys, your family and I've been enamored with you, and especially that new years kiss. But Miller is my problem and I don't want that part of me consuming you, because it's only going to end badly. I care about you too much to let it get you like it's got me" I felt like I broke my heart, I'd rather not kid myself and cut her loose before things get worse. I felt like I did when I was homeless but worse because I wanted her, and a future with her and her family.

"Jacob" she said pulling me to her, I was weak and went to her, just once more I wanted to feel her kiss, once more feel her in my hands. And feel her holding me before I severed our bond.

#Jacob Seed #Far Cry 5 #Fanfic #Fan Fiction #writing #short story #Letting Go...#Lyric Cain Haig #Penelope Thompson #Far Cry 5 OC #Far Cry 5 OCs #Far Cry 5 Deputy #18+#triggers #physical #comfort

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heartless-error · 4 years

Text

Broken, not perfect, but together. - Chapter 9

Fandom: DC comics, Batman

Pairings: Jonathan Kent x Damian Wayne (JonDami) & Jason Todd x Timothy Drake (JayTim)

Rating: Family feels, hurt/comfort, mental health issues, running away

Other(s) links: AO3

Broken.

The Batfamily was broken.

It was six years ago, and they had barely stood together since then, trying to stand up despite guilt and regret.

Damian was sure there was nothing to save, not after losing something that he didn’t know he cared about. But when a new opportunity to get back what they had lost appeared, he cannot help to doubt as his past decisions haunt him again.

If you love somebody, set them free. But you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

Chapter Summary: Cass knew a lot of things, always did. But she's human after all, she can fail, feel and miss her family. Sometimes she wishes she had been there, but now the only thing she had is the knolwedge of whatever they planned to do, it will be harsh.

Chapter 9

Now

Cass knew a lot of things.

She always did, it wasn’t new to anyone. His father, David Cain, had deprived her and taken away many things throughout her life, like her childhood, stability, a normal home, innocence, or her voice along the ability to use it. In return, he had turned her into what he longer desired, in a warrior, the perfect, deadly, silent killing machine, capable of reading the enemy and their movements in one way that very few could.

He took away her voice but allowed her to read and understand people far beyond. Many would consider it a blessing, others a curse, to her it was nothing more than her small but familiar and comfy personal hell.

Despite this, she was also aware that knowing something didn’t give her the full right to reveal it, she knew the limits, after all she also had secrets, everyone did. So, she could tell when someone was hiding something, but she also couldn’t guess or reveal it. She could also tell when someone was sad or stressed but knowing why it was beyond her abilities and intervening depended not only on her but on the other person’s will. From what Barbara Gordon taught her, it was best to act when she considered necessary, and if she had permission or words to do so.

From the beginning, Cassandra knew Red Hood and Red Robin were in love, maybe even before they did. It was neither unexpected nor surprising, they complemented the other well enough. In addition, both were very easy to read, since Jason was passionate, effusive and motivated by his emotions, expressive even in the way he breathed; and Tim, despite appearing the opposite, his eyes always said too much, and was very close to her, he couldn’t escape her scrutiny.

Timothy was also the first person she called “brother”, who taught her what was like to be a family, loving and being loved despite the pain, the trauma. That’s why, when he began to love someone else in a different way, she soon realized it as well as the fact that he was strongly requited.

Of course, she realized later that they did everything to hide it, both their feelings for each other when they began to emerge, and their relationship when it was consolidated. She understood, it shouldn’t have been easy. It was obvious why they did; it was nobody else’s business. And seeing the reaction when the whole thing was finally revealed, they did well.

If someone had asked Cass, she would have been sincere (within all she could express, of course). She would have tried to explain how happy she was for them and how she considered it good news. She would have said how Tim’s constant weariness and sadness has dissipated a bit after being with Jason, as well as the other’s blind anger and constant tension; How nice it was to see that uncertainty and uneasiness about whether those feelings were right or reciprocated, being replaced by tender smiles and sneaky soft touches. Cass would have said to leave them alone, because they were happy and safe, and that made her happy too because that kind of happiness was something they had to grab and not let go off considering how their lives were.

But nobody asked her. She couldn’t say anything. She also couldn’t have found the words to do it correctly, but at least she would have tried if given the chance. Which they didn’t do.

Black Bat was involved in a case which lead her from Hong Kong to the edge of the Xinjiang desert itself, where coverage was a bit bad and her infiltration mission could be compromised. As much as she reported her location and plans, getting an answer and being in touch to know what was happening in Gotham was a bit difficult. So, find out after that her brothers had deserted and disappeared during those weeks in which she had been uncommunicated wasn’t funny.

Now, years after receiving that news while hiding from the cold in a cabin in Tibet, she was going down the stairs towards to the cave with the text Dick had sent repeating in her head, the one that said they had found the missing Robins and she had to go to the manor quickly.

Sometimes, she wishes she had been there. In the moment they found out the Red’s relationship, in the discussion afterwards, in the other fights that followed. Because she could have said so much, she could have changed so much. But she wasn’t, she couldn’t. And now they have to deal with the consequences.

Stephanie, with whom now she lived, had sat in the driver’s seat after parked the car at the manor’s entrance, in silence and begging for a moment to be alone, to prepare herself mentally. Then, Alfred had allowed her to hug him tightly, even if that distracted him from his chores in the kitchen. She hadn’t seen the others yet, but she was sure they were in the cave. Even so, she knew that what was coming wasn’t going to be great, whatever they decided to do were going to be difficult to face or assimilated and that, surely, would led them to relive fights and discussions that they had for years. The difference this time is that she planned to intervene.

Indeed, when she arrived the cave, she witnessed the fragility in which the dynamics of the bats were currently, seeing how Dick and Damian -those who least should be fighting- argued strongly in front of the batcomputer.

Blending into the shadows, she approached them, stealthy and watchful, carefully with her surroundings and listening the discussion going on. Dick wanted to go after his brothers, Damian refused to do it.

The photos of the missing Robins on the screen shook her heart, making her smile. They seemed happy, satisfied, more than when they had to hide, and that made her so happy. She wouldn’t lie and say things like she never thought they wouldn’t be able to run away, indeed, she knew if the smallest but adequate circumstances were given at the right time, they would. And it happened, to the chagrin of some and the relief of others they clung to that happiness that Cass knew they had and didn’t let it escape, even having to leave them (her) behind.

However, looking at Dick, his older brother, she could say he thought otherwise. He denied it fiercely, he didn’t want to give in. He never thought they would leave everything, leave him behind, whatever the reason was. He wanted to believe they would figure things out before they had to run away, and now, that hasn’t been the case, he was just sad and desperate. Every word that came from his lips, every gesture his body made showed how helpless he felt, how much he needed to do what he was begging to Damian, to fly to Florida just to see the other two. He would do anything, he would fight with whoever, he had no limits, he seemed so defeated and angry at the same time.

When he turned his head, so he didn’t have to look at Damian after his harsh words, he was aware of her presence. His indigo eyes fixed on her for those brief seconds of silence to then turn around again and continue the fight. It was long enough for Cass to be aware of how the weight of guilt was sinking her brother down, making him obsessed with finding the others and going back to be the “family” they were before.

That wasn’t possible, not matter how hard he tried. It couldn’t happen. She knew it and so did Bruce, who without being seen also watched the development of the discussion from the other part of the cave, surely collecting information from it to confirm certain suspicions.

Suspicions that focused on Damian.

Her little brother was suspect since the start. At least for her, since she didn’t need to look at him twice when she returned to Gotham to realize there was something weird with him. It was evident in his posture, his attitude, in his way of avoiding everyone, in his resentful gaze and constant tension around them. He knew more than he was saying, and had done something, she didn’t know what, but somehow, he had a key role in the whole thing which didn’t exempt him of guilt. Didn’t matter how much the others wanted to believe that guilt was due to Damian’s past with his now disappeared brothers, with the murder attempts and constant disputes, no. It was recent, it had to do with this, because his rejection towards the others was genuine, and how she explains Jonathan then?

Superboy could barely look any of them in the eye without falling apart, his relationship with his father was battered and if Damian’s attitude were suspicious, his had neon signs placed around him.

Now, with his whole body screaming contradictions and anger, leaving slips behind him, Damian strongly refused at the decision to see the other two, stating specific reasons, but at the same time suspicious. That angered and intrigued Dick, who in the end had decided to get the truth out of him by breaking his temper, making Cass prepare to intervene.

When Conner Kent approached her one year ago, asking her if she knew what their little brothers were hiding, her answer was simple and concise: No.

She didn’t know, she couldn’t. She can read bodies and gestures, not minds. She’s not a meta, she has no powers. She’s human and also fails, also feels, also want to see his brothers because misses them, also want to know what Jon and Damian hide, because knows it’s consuming them more and more.

But she had never been in a position to ask, to know (does she wants to know?) Except today because things have changed. So, she slipped her foot to warn Dick he was missing something, he had to keep pushing. She didn’t move when Damian’s patience ended when his emotions took over. She held her breath when she knew he was going to say something he was going to regret.

“Because who do you think helped them to escape?!” Damian shouted. “It was me! Idiot! Open your fucking eyes! It was me! Me!”

Oh.

She knew it.

There was silence, Dick and Bruce stood completely still, assimilating that, and understanding everything as quickly as possible. She knew everything fell into place for them when realization mixed with anger flooded their bodies, and by the time Dick throw the first punch she was already running towards them.

She let Damian strike back and punch Dick only because she knew he had been holding back for a long time, but she didn’t allow anything more. In a blink of an eye, before everything could escalate, she grabbed Dick by the back, kicked Damian off, and knocked them to the ground as she stood between them, ending the fight instantly.

“No.” She sentenced seriously and glaring at them, challenging them to dare to contradict her.

They wouldn’t, because even outraged they were smarter than that. Furthermore, Bruce was also approaching them and starting a fist fight now was not the best idea, neither was going to allow them to go that far and it wasn’t the moment.

They stood up, wounded, furious, on guard and looking at each other with rancor.

“You knew!” Dick reproached, angrier than before. “You’ve always knew where they were!”

Damian jerked at that accusation, clenching his teeth tightly, as if he were holding himself back from punching him again. Everything said he really wanted to do it if were not for her presence and his father, now in front of them, watching the scene quiet like a heavy and judicious shadow that made them nervous.

“I haven’t said that!” The last Robin denied quickly.

“How could you?! How could you do this to us?!”

“Learn to fucking listen, asshole!” He yelled back. “I’ve never knew where they were!”

“Why would I believe you?! You’ve been lying us for years!” Dick accused him again.

Damian was ready to fight back before Bruce’s firm, analytical voice cut him off.

“He didn’t know it.” Bruce said firmly. “He’s saying the truth.”

He was right in that statement, he wasn’t. If Damian had known where Tim and Jason were all this time it would have been very different. Even in his confession, in his reactions, you could tell it was information he didn’t have before.

His father saying this as if he were psychoanalyzing him like any villain made Damian give him the most hatred, offensive and reproachful look he had seen him make over the years.

“Speak.” Bruce asked the younger, in that tone he use during interrogations, as if something like that was going to work and Damian would magically confess.

“Fuck you.” He insulted his father quickly without vacillation.

If Alfred were here, he would have scold him, might even have put in the order she couldn’t quite establish. But her grandfather was upstairs, cooking compulsively and sad, so sad.

“Damian, if you don’t speak, I swear to god-”

Dick started to say that taking a few steps closer, his anger dominating him again before she gave him a warning look to step back. The she looked at Damian, hoping to make him nervous with her stare. She also wants answers.

“What do you want for me?!” He asked, looking surrounded. “I helped them to leave, not hide!”

It made sense. Not knowing their location once they were out of sight was easier and safer after all, once they were gone, he couldn’t track them down anymore and it didn’t matter how much they’d regret it, it was too late. The best way to avoid betray them was not knowing where they were going, it was the smartest decision.

“But why? Why did you do something like that?!” Dick asked, seemed to feel betrayed.

Damian chuckled, sarcastic, looking at Grayson and then at his father, as if he found funny that they were wondering something like that when the answer was pretty obvious.

“Look at you. Look around.” He pointed at them, with anger and aversion. “It was killing them; you were killing them! This life, everyone! They couldn’t take it anymore!”

“It’s not- ”

“Drake was on the verge of suicide!” He exclaimed, now frantic. “And you couldn’t even look at Todd! The only good thing they had was the other and you wanted to destroy that!”

The burning shine in his eyes had returned, Damian seemed to have so many things to say, so much kept within himself. Looking at him now was similar to seeing a balloon deflate, expelling everything inside him after so long, without barriers, without caring about the consequences at last.

“It was dangerous.” Bruce justified.

“That’s bullshit and you know it!” He growled at his father again. “You have the proof on the fucking screen!”

“That’s-”

“The truth! It’s the truth!” He yelled furiously, without hesitation. “You wanted to shatter them further, I couldn’t allow it! I owed that to them.”

“We only wanted to protect them…” Dick muttered, stunned.

“From what?” Asked the younger. “The only danger was you; you still are.”

A brief silence followed that statement, in which Dick shrugged himself and Bruce tried his best to hide a shake, which was useless to her.

“Not an hour has passed since you found out where they are, and you already want to drag them back.” He kept scolding them. “For what? To use them as before?”

“That was not what was happening.” Bruce denied this time.

“Oh, no? I wonder why they ran away then.” The other answered sarcastically. “I’m sure it wasn’t because of the kindness and acceptance you get around here.”

“I can’t believe you really helped them…” Dick muttered, he still seemed to have trouble assimilating it. “You’ve hidden it, all this time.”

“I would do it again.”

Dick shook his head, almost at the edge of tears. The fact that two of his brothers abandoned him and the rest hated him was one thing, but it turned out that Damian himself was the one who helped them to run away from him, and that made things a thousand times worse. Cass wanted to hug him, tell him it was okay to feel that way, but he didn’t avoid the fact that she also knew they were hiding something and shut it up, she didn’t know if Dick would see this as another betrayal or not, she didn’t know if anything she had to say would fix something now.

“How?” Bruce ended up asking, wanting to continue the interrogation.

That was something Cass also wanted to know, since she didn’t even know yet how they had found them after years of absolute silence. But whatever Damian did to hide them in such a way had to be great.

“I have contacts.” The brunette replied stiffly, after a brief hesitation.

Bruce stared at him thoughtfully, then frowned in disgust.

“Talia.” He said coldly.

The League of Assassins, or at least the faction that was faithful to Damian’s mother. It wasn’t unknown the woman was trying to get out of the yoke of demon’s head, trying to gain the throne’s power, even if it meant killing her own son on the way. She and her group had been trying to gain ground within the criminal world for a long time, creating their own dark web and using resources Ra was still trying to familiarize himself with. They had enough material and personal to hide someone from the bats if they wanted to. And Damian, being of her blood, it wouldn’t have cost him to get a favor from her, anything, if they put aside the great disappointment that had been for her over the years.

“Damian, what have you done?”

Dick asked that as if the younger had made a deal with the devil itself, which was true. Now, if he had obtained this from Talia as a mere mother-son favor or by giving something in return, it was something they couldn’t know. They wouldn’t, judging by how the boy didn’t even move a muscle at the accusations and seemed to answer Dick’s question with a gaze that seemed to say, “Nothing you can prove.”

“It doesn’t make sense…” Dick thought aloud, still devastated but trying to find logic in everything. “Even if it was the league, why also metas couldn’t…”

That question asked out loud made Damian’s breath catch for a second, his muscles ready to fight imperceptibly. Cass was sure she was the only one to notice it, but it didn’t say anything good. It was a good question after all, since that had been another of the unknowns and problems that had arisen as a result of the disappearance, because not a single meta could locate Tim and Jason, not even the kryptonians. Whatever method or power they used was useless, it was as if something or someone would have been blocked them.

Cass didn’t have to think long to know who it was, but Dick’s eyes widened with surprise halfway through the question, realizing.

“Jon…” He whispered stunned.

Damian went from being slightly tense to being defensive and aggressive in less than a second. Just one more provocation and she’d have to grab him directly so he wouldn’t kill someone.

“Don’t drag him into this!” He ordered, which was already useless.

“He’s already in.” The other replied, stunned, almost trembling, suffering another betrayal. “It was because of him, right?”

“Leave him alone!”

“H-He did something to block metas, lied to us too…”

“Leave. Him!”

“I can’t!” Dick exclaimed, shaking his head. “Do you realize the reason we couldn’t find them is because of him?! It his fault!”

That statement, cruel as it sounded, was true. Technology could fail, couldn’t not doing well the job, but metas were certain and they had the best at their disposal, they could have found them in seconds. Having the kryptonians on their side was in their favor too, but if one of them was against them and had decided to annul the others, the result was years of searching without result.

Jon’s influence had been vital but being pointed out by Dick caused Damian to lose patience again, trying to attack Grayson in blind anger ready to beat him up. Hopefully for Nightwing, she was there to stand in his way, grab his shoulders tightly, and push him away. For this time, she wanted to avoid the physical fight, but with everything she was witnessing, she didn’t know if she would do it again.

“Fuck off! The only ones guilty of all this are you!”

She had to push Damian again and keep Dick under surveillance, because they were getting pissed off and provoking each other again, they didn’t seem to want to give in until they were punching each other. She was considering the option of knocking them out to calm down when Bruce raised his voice authoritatively.

“Damian, give me your phone.” He ordered approaching them and extending his hand. “Your comms too.”

The younger remained tense under her touch, clenching his jaw and now looking at his father with anger. It was clear why he was doing this, now that Jonathan had been confirmed as an accomplice and they both were firmly against their trip to Florida, he was cutting all forms of communication between them to prevent them from doing anything about it. Jon or any contact who Damian could use against them, like the league, for example.

“Do you think that shit is going to work?” Damian asked resentfully. “Jonathan can hear me anyway.”

“Do you think you’re the only one with a Super on his side?” Bruce answered. “Phone. Comms. Now.”

Damian growled loudly again, shoving her away as he took out his things. Bruce’s statement had been clear and concise, as much as his son dated a Kent, he hadn’t been the first one to be friendly with one. It seems that Bruce had personally commissioned himself, maybe with a simple whisper that Clark would have been waiting, that Jonathan wouldn’t interfere with them and their plans. So, it was going to happen anyway, they planned to go for Tim and Jason whatever the price.

“You are making a big mistake.” Damian said to his father as he tossed his comms to him angrily.

“Your opinion is no longer valid.” He replied, grasping the objects with precision. “You are clearly not objective.”

“As if you were.”

Bruce didn’t answer, or at least didn’t want to. Cass could tell he had something else to say, right on the tip of his tongue, but he didn’t dare to do it. Dick did it instead.

“You lied to us…” He said. “We can’t trust you.”

Damian looked at Dick thoughtful, then his father. He shrugged.

“You never did.”

Richard lowered his head; Bruce remained silent. Cass remember the words from the security camera video of that night, that one Bruce tried so hard to delete but Barbara rescued and let her watch, the one where they tell Jason they couldn’t trust him, because he was a murderer after all.

Like her, like Damian.

Bruce turned around and started walking away from them, ready to do whatever would distract him after all the revelations, like secure the comms he had took away from his son as if he was 14 years old again to prevent him from ruining his plans . Dick, still looking at the ground, was about to do the same, until Damian caught his attention again ready to throw the last punch.

“When you see them, what are you going to do? Shoot them?”

Dick said nothing and left, surely to burst into tears where they couldn’t see him. Cassandra, if she could, would have too.

#myfic #dc #dc comics #batman comics #tim drake #jason todd #damian wayne #jon kent #jonathan kent #jaytim #timjay #jondami #damijon #red robin #red hood #robin #superboy #supersons #batman

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centerofstupidity · 4 years

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Noah Primeval Preface Snark

If you enjoy the content you are reading, please like and follow the Center of Stupidity blog.

Summary: The author claims that his stories are rooted in "the theological and spiritual intent of the Bible." He also loves to scripture drop. The worst is yet to come.

In case anyone wants to read the original author’s preface in order to form their own conclusions, you can read it here.

In the event that this gets flagged, here is another place to read the chapter snark.

Inspired By True Events.

Keep this in mind, folks.

Because...

The story you are about to read is the result of Biblical and historical research about Noah’s flood and the ancient Near Eastern (ANE) context of the book of Genesis.

Translation: Because I did some research, it means that the novel is deep and elevated lit-ra-choor.

While I engage in significant creative license and speculation,

....

..................

......................................

That’s a verbose way of saying “I created a work of fiction.”

all of it is rooted in an affirmation of what I believe is the theological and spiritual intent of the Bible.

Even though there are countless Bible interpretations.

You found all of the "hidden truths"and know the "correct" way to read the Bible.

But silly me.

This is the same person who spews vitriol at movies that don't conform to his beliefs and wrote a paper called Calvinism and the Bible.

In the document, Godawa insists that "Calvinism is simply Biblical Christianity" and how the five points of Calvinism are “truly Biblical doctrines, then most of us western American Christians have been sold a bill of goods as to what the Gospel really is."

For those who are leery of such a “novel” approach,

Like some other writers, Godawa believes that he has a Wildean wit.

let them consider that the traditional Sunday school image of Noah as a little old white-bearded farmer

I gotta call bullshit.

The traditional Sunday school image depicted Noah as being a white man.

It didn't emphasize that he was an old farmer.

building the ark alone with his sons is itself a speculative cultural bias.

It's been a while since I've been to CCD…

But I don't remember them ever discussing at great length on how the ark was built.

They don't deal in the minutia.

Instead they focused on educating people about their faith.

And the whole "speculative cultural bias" comment is rich...

Coming from a man who preaches in his fiction and does evangelizing podcasts with his friends.

The Bible actually says very little about Noah.

Instead we get lengthy details about who begat who and what tribe they came from.

We don’t know what he did for a living before the Flood or even where he lived.

Which is why the Midrash aggadah was written.

According to MJL, Midrash aggadah interprets biblical narrative, exploring questions of ethics or theology, or creating homilies and parables based on the text.

For instance, one of the best known midrashes is the story about Abraham.

It states while Abraham was a young child in Mesopotamia, he was smashing idols.

This story suggests that God didn't randomly pick Abraham.

Instead, God knew that Abraham would be receptive to His voice.

How do we know whether he was just a simple farmer or a tribal warrior?

The answer?

We will most likely never know for certain.

And secondly, who cares? It is minutiae.

Oh wait.

The author is going to bestow us the answer.

Genesis 9:2 says Noah “began to be a man of the soil” after the Flood, not before it.

Genesis 9:2 says this:

The fear and dread of you will fall on all the beasts of the earth, and on all the birds in the sky, on every creature that moves along the ground, and on all the fish in the sea; they are given into your hands.

(This comes from the New International Version.)

And I checked two other translations: the King James Version [KJV] and the English Standard Version [ESV].

They are the same as the first.

The passage about Noah becoming a farmer comes from Genesis 9: 20

Noah began to be a man of the soil, and he planted a vineyard. [ESV]

Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. [NIV]

And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard. [KJV]

So in conclusion:

If the world before the flood was full of wickedness and violence,

Because they would all fight evil physically.

It's not like righteous men would ever combat evil by using their words or practicing non violence.

Noah would not have been that different from Abraham,

Or…

He could have been a prophet whose words inspired others.

Nobody knows for certain what Noah did prior to the flood.

who farmed, did business and led his family and servants in war against kings.

Man, Godawa is obsessed with the idea of righteous warriors.

We know very little about primeval history,

There is a newfangled thing called archaeology.

but we do learn from archeological evidence that humanity was clearly tribal during the early ages when this story takes place.

Um…

The previous line belies the rest of the sentence.

Where's the editor?

Yet, nothing is written about Noah’s tribe in the Bible.

We also don't know anything about Jesus' childhood.

Your point being?

It would be modern individualistic prejudice to assume that Noah was a loner when everyone in that Biblical context was communal.

Who ever said that he was???

Is Godawa just making up arguments so he can tear them down?

Noah surely had a tribe.

You already said that. Move along.

There is really no agreement as to the actual time and location of the event of the Flood.

And in other news…

Bears shit in the woods and the Pope is Catholic.

So B. Godawa lists some theories about when and where the Flood took place.

He thinks it is "Early Bronze Age Mesopotamian contexts" because of some passages in Genesis.

By the by... He doesn't mention any specific passages.

At some other time, I'll take a look at the appendix.

Because right now, I'm not in the mood to read an appendix that is about one hundred pages long.

The Bible also says Noah built the ark.

And now for the following news bulletin:

Adam and Eve lived in a place called the Garden of Eden.

Are we to believe that Noah built it all by himself?

Yes, if you take the Bible literally.

It doesn’t say. With his sons’ help? It doesn’t say.

But that very same book does say earlier that Cain “built a city” (some scholars believe it was Cain’s son Enoch).

Which scholars said that?

Because doing a quick Google search got me absolutely bupkis.

Instead, I got a bunch of websites that talked about Cain building a city and naming it after his son.

Are we to assume that he built an entire city by himself?

No lie… I had to check and see if Cain had a son named Enoch. (And he did).

Because after the bungling of a verse from Genesis, I wasn’t sure if this was another mistake.

As for Cain building an entire city single handedly? I’m sure Christian fundamentalists would respond with “yes”.

My response would be “no” followed by:

Who helped Cain to build a city? A lot of golems? Some demons? Or did he hire a lot of people in the nearby area?

If Cain just hired a bunch of people, wouldn't the idea of God only creating two humans [a.k.a. Adam and Eve] be false?

How did Cain get the materials to build a city?

How would Cain know which materials would be good for building a city?

And why did Cain want to build a city in the first place?

Ridiculous.

Who knew that with one word, such disdain could drip from a person’s tongue?

Cain or Enoch presided as a leader over the building of a city by a group of people,

Wait a tick…

Godawa previously said that it was Cain that built a city but some scholars believe it was Enoch.

And now he is stating that it could be Cain OR Enoch.

Does that mean that Godawa forgot what he wrote previously?

Or the man who sees himself as the Grand Poobah of Biblical Knowledge is finally admitting that he doesn’t have all the answers?

just as Noah probably did with his ark.

So in other words, Noah just sat on his ass and barked orders at people.

Because as we all know, that is a great leadership style.

One of the only things Genesis says about Noah’s actual character is that he was “a righteous man, blameless in his generation. Noah walked with God” (Gen. 6:9).

Now a normal person would interpret this to mean that Noah was a good person who conversed with God.

But Noah Primeval turns Noah into a Gary Stu. (By the way, this will be revealed in future chapter snarks).

The New Testament clarifies this meaning by noting Noah as an “heir” and “herald” of righteousness by faith (Heb. 11:7; 2Pet. 2:5).

ESV [English Standard Version] said Noah as a “herald of righteousness” while NIV and KJV described Noah as a “preacher of righteousness” (2 Peter 2:5).

While ESV, NIV, and KJV all described how Noah “became an heir of righteousness.” (Hebrews 11:7).

You might be thinking to yourself: What’s your point?

If we are to take into account what the Bible said about Noah… It describes Noah spreading God’s message (like a herald or a preacher). But it also adds that because of Noah’s faith in God, he “became an heir of righteousness.”

This differs from the depiction in Noah Primeval where Noah is the Chosen One from an ancient prophecy.

And that makes him superior to all the other filthy mortals along with slightly less perfect than Jesus.

The popular interpretation of this notion of “righteousness” is to understand Noah as a virtually sinless man too holy for his time, and always communing with God in perfect obedience.

But is this really Biblical?

If you mean, some people acting like sanctimonious hypocritical assholes, then I would loudly shout “Hell yes!”

Would Noah have never sinned? Never had an argument with God?

Personally, my answers would be “no” for both questions.

But in this novel, when Noah isn't acting like a bratty teenager, he acts like a smug douchebag.

Yet the reader is supposed to see Noah as a paragon of virtue.

Never had to repent?

In order to repent, a person must have genuine remorse for their actions. It also requires accountability.

It doesn't entail a person rending their garments melodramatically until they are completely naked and then yelling at the top of their lungs. I'm looking at you, Noah Primeval.

As a matter of fact, the term “righteous” in the Old and New Testaments was not a mere description of a person who did good deeds and avoided bad deeds.

Maybe it is because the writers of the Old and New Testament know that good people are not perfect. They make mistakes and take ownership of their actions.

Righteousness was a Hebrew legal concept that meant, “right standing before God” as in a court of law.

What makes me so fucking disgusted is that Godawa has no qualms with cherry picking things from different mythologies and whatever doesn’t suit his narrative is either discarded or depicted as being malevolent lies.

It carried the picture of two positions in a lawsuit, one “not in the right,” and the other, “in the right”

You mean a lawsuit involves two sides: the prosecution and the defense?

or “righteous” before God.

And this series doesn’t hesitate to jump on a soap box and shout at the top of their lungs.

It was primarily a relational term.

*Sigh*

What’s next?

Are we going to define the definition of is?

Not only that, but in both Testaments, the righteous man is the man who is said to “live by faith,” not by perfect good deeds (Hab. 2:4; Rom. 1:17).

So righteousness does not mean “moral perfection” but “being in the right with God because of faith.”

In other words, ice is cold and fire is hot.

….

This is leading up to rant filled with gratuitous Bible citations.

What’s more, being a man of faith doesn’t mean a life of perfect consistency either.

You mean good people aren't perfect??? Thanks for notifying me Brian Godawa!

Look at David, the “man after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22), yet he was a murderer and adulterer and more than once avoided obeying God’s will. But that doesn’t stop him from being declared as “doing all God’s will” by the apostle Paul.

At risk of sounding like a broken record, good people are not perfect.

Which is why repeating the obvious makes a person look like a blithering moron.

Or consider Abraham, the father of the Faith, who along with Sarah believed that God would provide them with a son (Heb. 11:8-11).

What does this have to do with anything? Is Godawa trying to dazzle the reader with how many Bible verses he can quote?

Yet, that Biblically honored faith was not perfect, as they both laughed in derision at God’s promise at first (Gen. 17:17; 18:12).

I guess Godawa never heard of a thing called context.

According to the Zohar, Sarah laughed because her son would have a feminine soul.

The Zohar also states that a soul from the "feminine world" cannot have children.

Sarah knew this and laughed because this contradicted God's promise to continue Abraham's bloodline.

God had to remind Sarah that He has the power to do anything. Which means He can turn a feminine soul into a masculine one.

And because Godawa loves to scripture drop, he cites additional examples from the Bible when people either argued or complained to God.

The very name Israel means “to struggle with God.”

I normally don't split hairs but considering the fact that the author fancies himself to be a scholar…

The word Israel means "God contends".

An alternate translation is "He Retains God"or "God Is Upright".

All the heroes in the Hebrews Hall of Faith (Heb. 11) had sinful moments, lapses of obedience and even periods of running from God’s call or struggling with their Creator.

According to the NIV translation, it commended the people for having a strong faith in God and how that faith allowed them to do what it is just. It does not give blow-blow descriptions of their spiritual struggles or a detailed accounting of all of their sins.

Now that I'm thinking about it… I have a sneaking suspicion that this is leading up to Godawa justifying his depiction of Noah.

It would not be heresy to suggest that Noah may have had his own journey with God

Well, duh.

Noah's spiritual journey would have started with baby steps.

It is not like Noah would be chummy with God the very second he was born. A relationship with God is developed during a lifetime.

that began in fear and ended in faith.

That's assuming that every person that started a relationship with God that said relationship was founded on distrust (which is fueled by fear) or the case of Noah Primeval, built on a foundation that is a passive-aggressive hate boner for the Almighty.

For some individuals, their spiritual journey never originated from animosity or distain because they always had faith.

In fact, to say otherwise is to present a life inconsistent with the reality of every human being in history.

I'll say it again.

Every person's spiritual journey with God is different.

To insist that every person's relationship with God originated from negative emotions is not based in reality.

To say one is a righteous person of faith is to say that the completed picture of his life is one of finishing the race set before him, not of having a perfect run without injuries or failures.

It is time for a writing exercise! Let’s take this wordy sentence and make it concise.

I'll go first.

The completed picture of a righteous person’s life is not a perfect run without injuries or failures but rather they finished the race set before them.

Now that I'm thinking about it …

This verbose sentence sounds like something that belongs in a fortune cookie.

Also, I find it odd that this little nugget of wisdom uses the gender neutral phrase “righteous person of faith” but then uses his | him pronouns.

Why am I getting the feeling that this is a subtle message that only a man can be a "righteous person of faith"?

Some scholars have even noted that the phrase “blameless in his generation” is an unusual one,

“They also think it is peculiar that the Flood lasted for forty days and nights. Why not eighteen or twenty-five? Is forty God’s favorite number or did He just pick it randomly?”

reserved for unblemished sacrifices in the temple.

Wait a minute.

So these scholars are stating that the phrase "blameless in his generation" is only used for animal sacrifices.

Which means Noah is likened to an animal sacrifice…

Which is totally different from Noah Primeval's depiction of Noah as a macho and virile warrior who is the Chosen One.

Also, it is really dodgy when someone only gives some citations or doesn't provide any.

This physical purity

…

The words "physical purity" just sent shivers down my spine.

Because when words like that casually enter into a conversation, it is not long before an argument is made in favor of eugenics.

takes on new meaning when understood in the genetic context of the verses

"Genetic context"?

I didn't know that words had DNA.

Flippant comment aside, all this talk of "physical purity" and "genetic context" prompted me to do a quick Google search of the following: Noah blameless in his generation animal and it brought up a thread asking if Genesis 6:9 is referring to Noah's genetic purity.

before it that speak of “Sons of God” or bene ha elohim leaving their proper abode in heaven and violating the separation of angelic and human flesh (Gen. 6:1-4; Jude 5-7).

Um…

This is sort of correct.

Genesis 6:7-4 is about the Sons of God marrying beautiful human women and having children called Nephilim. Yet it also states that humans will live to be 120.

While Jude 5-7, the writer reminds the reader that God delivered his people out of Egypt and destroyed the non-believers. They also said that the angels who "did not keep their positions of authority but abandoned their proper dwelling" along with the sinful people of Sodom and Gomorrah will be punished by "eternal fire."

Within church history,

The concept of the Grigori and Nephilim originated in Jewish folklore and legends.

At some point, early Christians either stumbled across an old scroll discussing these ideas or simply heard about it. They probably found the whole story to be fascinating and proceeded to write their own interpretations.

there is a venerable tradition of interpreting this strangest of Bible passages as referring to supernatural beings from God’s heavenly host who mate with humans resulting in the giant offspring called Nephilim.

The idea that some angels came down from Heaven to mate with humans doesn't sound bizarre to me.

Frankly, the Book of Revelation reads like John was on a big acid trip.

Other equally respectable theologians argue that these Sons of God were either humans from the “righteous” bloodline of Seth or a symbolic reference to human kings or judges of some kind.

Again, Christians didn't come with these alternate explanations. For instance, Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai strongly opposed the idea that the "benei elokim" were angels.

I have weighed in on the supernatural interpretation

That is a weird way of saying "I have decided to write a novel that depicts the Grigori as angels."

According to the Collins dictionary, the words "weighed in", means:

give an opinion or enter a discussion or argument

to measure how heavy someone is, esp. before a competition

It is important to note that The Free Dictionary and the Oxford Learner's Dictionaries has these definitions but with slightly different wording.

In conclusion?

and have provided appendices at the end of the book that give the Biblical theological foundation for this interpretation.

Only a filthy peasant has opinions.

An enlightened individual only believes in facts and since they are benevolent, they are imparting their wisdom to others.

This novel seeks to remain true to the sparse facts presented in Genesis (with admittedly significant embellishments)

“Admittedly significant embellishments”?

That’s putting it mildly.

More like “being preachy but insisting that you are only telling people facts.”

interwoven with theological images and metaphors come to life.

I’m sorry but I can’t take this statement seriously.

Because it reminds me of a scene in the movie The Ref when Gus is talking about how “a complex web of complications need to be weaved and woven into a quilt of some kind.”

Where I engage in flights of fancy,

That’s putting it mildly.

This story never put its feet on the ground.

such as a journey into Sheol,

Pray tell, what is Sheol?

An explanation would be nice because for all we know, Sheol is the name of a cave or a forest.

I seek to use figurative imagery from the Bible, such as “a bed of maggots and worms” (Isa. 14:11) and “the appetite of Sheol” (Isa. 5:14) and bring them to life by literalizing them into the flesh-eating living-dead animated by maggots and worms.

Let’s break this down, shall we?

Isaiah 5:14 ESV says this:

Therefore Sheol has enlarged its appetite

and opened its mouth beyond measure,

and the nobility of Jerusalem[h] and her multitude will go down,

Isaiah 5 is about the people of Israel who will be punished for their sins. This specific passage is discussing how the sinners are going to die.

Isaiah 14:11 ESV says this:

Your pomp is brought down to Sheol,

the sound of your harps;

maggots are laid as a bed beneath you,

and worms are your covers.

Isaiah 14 discusses how Babylon will be destroyed by God. This specific passage is about how the haughty King of Babylon will perish.

It still doesn’t answer the question of what Sheol is.

If we are still looking at the Bible for an explanation, the NIV translation of Isaiah 5:14 states:

Therefore Death expands its jaws, opening wide its mouth;

Also, the New International version of Isaiah 14 doesn’t use the word Sheol.

Instead, it uses the words to the grave.

Based on these translations, one can make the assumption that Sheol is the word for death or grave.

However, Sheol is a place where the souls of the dead reside.

Let's take a look at this line more closely:

bring them to life by literalizing them into the flesh-eating living-dead animated by maggots and worms.

The Bible having figurative imagery? That is not a groundbreaking revelation. Plenty of Bible scholars have written papers and or books analyzing this.

Figurative language is not supposed to be taken literally. It is used by a writer to convey an idea (example: time is a thief) or to paint a picture in a reader's mind (example: the flowers danced in the wind.)

To take something figurative and make it literal is asinine.

Also, "flesh-eating living-dead"?

I guess the word "zombie" is too plebeian.

Another player that shows up in the story is Leviathan.

“Another player”?

I bethink he is a pretentious rampallian who thinkest by using an antediluvian word maketh him intelligent and literary sir.

“Player” is an old fashioned word for actor.

It DOES NOT mean character.

So in conclusion:

While I have provided another appendix explaining the theological motif of Leviathan

Translation?

“Behold my dizzying intellect!”

as a metaphor in the Bible for chaos and disorder, I have embodied the sea dragon in this story for the purpose of incarnating that chaos as well.

One word:

I have also literalized the Mesopotamian cosmology of a three-tiered universe with a solid vault in the heavens, and a flat disc earth supported on the pillars of the underworld, the realm of the dead.

Thanks to Brian Godawa, the words "metaphor" and "literalized" annoy me.

I'd hate to rain on your parade but Mesopotamian mythology isn't the only one who had a three-tiered universe.

Below is an image of the Hebrew cosmology:

It also has an universe that has three levels: heaven, earth, and the underworld. The earth is a flat disc floating on water with heaven above it and the underworld below it.

If one takes a second look at the picture, you will notice that there are pillars or the foundation of the earth.

In conclusion, Mesopotamian mythology isn't the only one to depict a universe as being composed of three levels.

This appears to be the model assumed by the Biblical writers in many locations (Phil. 2:10; Job 22:14; 37:18; Psa. 104:5; 148:4; Isa. 40:22),

Jewish people have their own culture. They would not be using Mesopotamian mythology as their yardstick.

so I thought it would be fascinating to tell that story within that worldview unknown to most modern westerners.

You mean a different concept or an idea can be interesting? What a mind boggling revelation!

If I didn't know any better, I’d believe Godawa when he said telling a story from another culture’s point of view would be “fascinating.”

Yet it is painfully obvious that if something doesn't conform to his beliefs, it must be a vile falsehood created by malevolent beings.

The purpose of the Bible is not to support scientific theories or models of the universe,

Actually, the Big Bang Theory does not conflict with the story of creation.

but to tell the story of God through ancient writers. Those writers were people of their times just as we are.

Which is why the absence of Jewish culture is jarring.

Especially since all the "good" characters are Calvinists.

I have also woven together Sumerian and other Mesopotamian mythology in with the Biblical story,

It is randomly inserted (ex: Pazuz) or the deities are evil fallen angels who are destroying Family Values™ and Corrupting the Children™.

but with this caveat:

"Anything that doesn't conform to my worldviews must be the lies devised by Satan."

Like C.S. Lewis,

Did he compare himself to C.S. Lewis?

….

……….

…………………….

It is like trying to compare M. Night Shyamalan to Alfred Hitchcock.

Even though one is a hack while the other one is a talented creator.

I believe the primary purpose of mythology is to embody the worldview and values of a culture.

Aside from helping people to understand the world around them and giving them answers to timeless questions such as: Is there life after death? Why does evil exist?

Mythology also provides a form of entertainment and ensures that certain traditions survive.

But all myths carry slivers of the truth and reflect some distorted vision of what really happened.

This reeks of ethnocentrism!

Sumer’s Noah was Ziusudra, Babylon’s Noah was Utnapishtim, and Akkad’s was Atrahasis. The Bible’s Noah is my standard.

I'll bring this up if anyone tries to claim that Noah Primeval isn't preachy and ethnocentric.

So my goal was to incorporate real examples of ANE history and myth in subjection to that standard in such a way that we see their “true origin.”

....

You know what?

If someone wrote a Wiccan based fantasy series that demonized Christianity, he would be outraged.

Godawa reiterates his "speculation" that the deities were fallen angels with superhuman abilities that once belonged to God's divine council.

See the appendix at the back for my defense of this interpretation from the Bible.

I'm not in the mood to read a lengthy appendix that reads like you giving yourself a giant pat on the back. Perhaps that will be a future snark.

Lastly, I have permitted myself to use extra-Biblical Jewish literature from the Second Temple period as additional reference material for my story.

In other words...

He gave himself permission to steal and vandalize a different culture. Isn't that charming?

I use these ancient Jewish sources

I bet many people wished you hadn't.

not because I consider them completely factual or on par with the Bible,

"They are complete heresy. Instead, believe in the teachings of John Calvin."

but simply in an attempt to incarnate the soul of the ancient Hebrew imagination in conversation with the text of Scripture

Like the Yeti, the Hebrew imagination has yet to be found.

rather than imposing my own modern western one upon the text.

...

............

............................

I am within the tradition of the Church on this since authors of the New Testament as well as early Church Fathers

Just "Church Fathers"?

Christianity also had Church Mothers.

To name a few: Mary Magdalene, Phoebe, Junia, Lydia, Eudia, Thecla, Syntyche, and Prisca.

and other orthodox theologians in church history respected some of these ancient manuscripts as well.

While the author did the opposite.

Many of these texts from the Second Temple Period, such as Jubilees, Testaments of the Twelve Patriarchs or The Life of Adam and Eve, and others found in the Pseudepigrapha, were creative extrapolations of the Biblical text.

I guess the word of the day is "extrapolations".

Extrapolation is defined as "to predict by projecting past experience or known data" or " to infer from values within an already observed interval."

I find it rather disgusting to imply that the Midrash is a product of guesswork or estimates.

Which means whatever the author's personal beliefs are founded in facts.

These were not intended to deceive or overturn the Bible,

Notice the word "intended".

It infers that the writers weren't deliberately telling lies.

It just happens that they were spreading falsehoods.

but rather to retell Biblical stories with theological amplification and creative speculation

You see, humans are a curious species. We don't like unanswered questions.

Therefore, we come up with a possible answer or an explanation for a particular event.

The purpose of the Midrash is to provide explanations or to give a story details.

Ever wondered who was Cain's wife? According to Book of Jubilees, she was Cain's sister and her name is Awan.

while remaining true to their interpretation of the Scriptures.

They weren't providing interpretations to Mesopotamian mythology.

In short, I am not writing Scripture.

Normally, I would believe this.

But subsequent interviews and podcasts along with the preachy messages written in the story belies this statement.

I am not even saying that I believe this is how the story might have actually happened.

Remember when I said to keep something in mind because it will be significant later on?

Well, now it is important.

This statement and the words "Inspired by True Events" are contradictory.

I am simply engaging in a time-honored tradition of the ancient Hebrew culture:

No, no, no!

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200!

I am retelling a Biblical story in a new way to underscore the theological truths within it.

Godawa only wants to associate with ancient Hebrew culture when it elevates him as a writer and his stories.

From his remarks, it is obvious that he regards the Midrashes as being subpar bodies of work that will mislead undiscerning readers.

That being said, that won't stop him using such texts in order to receive praise for his "creativity" and be commended in scholarly circles for using Jewish texts.

This mentality is similar to Rick Riordan's.

In case anyone doesn't know...

Rick Riordan is best known for writing the Percy Jackson series which retold Greek mythology. He then wrote a series based on Norse mythology called Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard.

Both series were a hit and he greatly profited from these stories.

After sometime, Riordan made the following statements:

“I didn’t realize some people still worship the old Viking gods. Very strange, and a little scary…In my opinion, the more you learn about the mythology, the more impossible it is to take it seriously as a religion… after you’ve met Odin and Thor in the stories, who in their right mind would ever want to worship them?”

" I love Greek myths, but why anyone would want to worship the Greek pantheon is beyond me. "

"It’s strange to think anyone would still worship the Olympians seriously."

Early in the book, the character Chiron draws a clear distinction between God, capital-G, the creator of the universe, and the Greek gods (lower-case g). Chiron says he does not wish to delve into the metaphysical issue of God, but he has no qualms about discussing the Olympians because they are a “much smaller matter.”

Unsurprisingly, this offended many polytheists.

You might be wondering: what's my point?

To put it simply? Both writers profited from incorporating different mythologies into their stories.

One writer made disparaging remarks about individuals who believe in these deities after becoming a best selling author.

While the other barely concealed their disdain for the source material they used that garnered their popularity and praise from critics.

In conclusion?

Don't build your career on writing stories using different mythologies and deride the believers of said mythos or the very thing that puts money in your bank account.

Then wonder why some people think you are a horse's ass.

The Biblical theology that this story is founded upon is provided in several appendixes at the back of the book for those who are interested in going deeper.

First of all..

Stop peddling your friggin' appendixes.

We get it.

It has citations.

Which means it is supposed to be scholarly...

Therefore... It is deep and elevated literature.

The beauty of fiction

Um, no.

It is not all beautiful.

It can also be bland or terrible.

And in some cases, it is deeply disturbing.

is that we can make assumptions regarding uncertain theological and historical information

Yes, you can.

Up to a point.

The moment when you insist theses assumptions or personal beliefs are based in fact...

Writers like Philippa Gregory and Brian Godawa are born.

without having to prove them one way or another.

You know what also doesn't require proof?

Faith.

The story requires only that we establish continuity within the made up world,

It is called the suspension of disbelief.

and accepting those assumptions for the sake of the story does not imply theological agreement.

Normally, yes.

But this series makes it abundantly clear that if you don't agree with the political and theological beliefs...

At best, you are country pumpkin. (Yes, he does equate them to being stupider than Ana Steele.)

At worst, you are not only a moron but a depraved degenerate as well.

So, sit back and

Reach for the booze because you are going to need it. Also, make sure that the vomit bucket is in front of you.

let your imagination explore the contours of this re-imagined journey

And before long, wishing that you never did and longing to depart for the Undying Lands.

of one of the most celebrated religious heroes across all times and cultures.

And by the end, you want:

To repeatedly punch the "good" characters in the throat and stab them in the groin. Especially Noah.

The villains to shut up and fuck off. Because they are what a thirteen years old boy would think is edgy. Especially if said boy was also a Bible thumper.

#book snark #chapter snark #bad fiction #snark #noah primeval #anti Brian Godawa #anti noah primeval

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allthingsfayz · 4 years

Text

FAYZ Asks

Hi everyone! I hope you’re all safe and well. I have a few posts queued up since I have plenty of time on my hands, starting with this one–answering these Gone-themed asks by @hawaii-lp-hawaii! This is a really long post, so I apologize in advance. Also, I received a few asks recently, which I answered, and I would be thrilled to see more! Enjoy!

Question of the FAYZ: If you could get rid of one character, who would it be and why? I have a hard time deciding, since they all seem really essential to the books and small-town community, but if I had to pick, Drake. Would this decrease plot weight and affect progression? Yes, but honestly? It’s worth it.

Probably Hunger, I think that everything in it really helped developed the characters and we got to meet new people and situations, like Duck and the Human Crew.

Yes! I got gifted the Monster Trilogy and although the ending was very shocking, and I didn’t feel as connected to the characters, I still really enjoyed the books.

Although I loved almost all of the characters dearly, my favorites are probably Lana and Dekka.

Although it’s headcanon, my favorite ship is probably Lana and Dahra, since I really think the signs were there…

Caine, because let’s be honest, he was a total villain, not an anti-hero.

Hm…Maybe Astrid? I truly don’t think that she was a bad person but I know a lot of people don’t love her.

Caine…I don’t hate him but I just don’t like him.

Sam and Astrid–there is something to like about their “ideal” relationship, but I hate how Sam tries to pressure Astrid into sex.

Drake–that one’s pretty self-explanatory

So many! I’d say the main ones are Live Like Legends by Ruelle, Gasoline by Halsey, Mother’s Daughter by Miley Cyrus, and any song by 2WEI.

I really want to see it as a TV show, hopefully on a major streaming service like HBO or Netflix!

At least 6!

I found the book at Powell’s in Portland and was immediately entranced!

I’ve been a fan for about 2 whole years now–not a lot at all, but I’m a MAJOR fan.

Probably Caine’s or Brianna’s, since they seem super fun and powerful, but Lana’s or Sam’s is the most handy.

Although I don’t really have a favorite scene, I always tear up in the last few pages when Diana, Sam and Astrid go out to eat.

Honestly, bad. Yeah, he’s technically a kid, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior. Despite his final sacrifice, it seemed to me like he let LP possess him so that he could die and be free of any consequences .

Orc! His character arc was great, especially considering he got killed off so unnecessarily.

Hm…weirdly, Jack’s. It just seemed so offhanded and depressing.

Sam!

Diana!

Not at all, actually. If they were the same age, maybe, but Brianna was such a free spirit that I feel like it could almost be demeaning.

The last book in its entirety .

Mostly the sexualization of young girls, especially Diana.

Yes! I’m incredibly lucky to have been gifted them for my birthday in 2018

I can’t find my copy of Fear at the moment, but the moment where Lana and Astrid recite a quote from Dune has always given me chills, as well as the classic “it’s just a FAYZ” quote.

Weirdly, Lana. We both come from cities, have been forced out of them, etc. Plus, I’ve always kind of thought I looked/acted like her in certain scenarios.

Ok: everyone in life, and Gone, makes massive mistakes sometimes, and I can’t really blame characters instead of writers. However, I think Astrid gets hate for no reason. Yes, she manipulated Sam, which isn’t cool, but you can’t really blame her, especially since their relationship is based on him pressuring her to have sex. Plus, she’s supposed to be a calm, level-headed, genius Madonna figure, when nobody considers that she is also 14 and they can’t blame her for everything.

Hm…I love a lot of the scenes in book one with Caine and Sam’s sassiness, Edilio, and Lana.

SO MANY! Where did John and Cookie end up? Why did Diana end up at Coates (it was explained, but confusing). Did Astrid every really have a power? Did Edilio like Lana as a cover or was he just unsure of his sexuality at the time?

I think Quinn had a strong character arc. He was really essential to the town and learned from his mistakes, and I love him as a character, but honestly, he didn’t seem that essential. In the first book, he aided the Coates kids, which could’ve been done by anyone.

Lana and Cookie!

Hm…to be honest, I don’t know of many other books or shows like Gone.

LANAAAAA!!!!!!! Ok, so, there is debate about Lana’s ethnicity and race. In book one, her grandfather is Chumash, and she’s said to have paler skin, but then Michael Grant said he thinks of her as Latina (he said Hispanic, but Latina is a more inclusive category). Personally, as someone of Mexican descent, I would LOVE to play her (check out my Twitter!). However, if it is decided that Lana is canon Chumash, I would never want to take away that role from a Chumash actress.

So many! I’m thinking about making a post soon.

Hm…probably all of Plague, considering Hunter’s death and Dekka’s surgery.

I’ve found that a lot of people find Lana boring or cold. I can see where they’re coming from, because her storyline is very disconnected from the main Sam/Caine thread by book 3. However, I still think she’s a great character.

The Caine/Brianna battle against the bugs!

My books have the silhouette covers, the first book being lime green, and personally they’re my favorites.

I’m not sure if she counts as a side character, but Dahra! I think that her storyline brought a lot and it could’ve been further explored, since she only really interacted with Lana.

I don’t think Mary deserved to die at all! I think that after a while, her story may have gotten repetitive, but it seemed unnecessary since it didn’t develop any storylines.

There’s so many reasons! I love the strong female characters, the diversity, everything!

#gone #gone series #fayz #fayz asks

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iatethepomegranate · 5 years

Text

Homecoming Chapter 24

Masterlist (I’m going to experiment with internal links and see if tumblr will disappear this chapter from the tag if I do this)

Pairing: DickTiger

Rating: Teen (this chapter)

Length: 5.5k

Summary: Secrets in Wayne Manor rarely remain secret. Tiger has tough decisions to make.

Notes: I'm making up my own scraps on canon because I have no idea what canon currently looks like. And, honestly, canon sucks like 75% of the time anyway. So there.

Warnings: references to alcohol, references to mental health issues. These are mostly addressed in passing.

****

Chapter 24

Tiger used to be good at multitasking. His life had depended on it as a double agent for Checkmate. Now, trying to juggle Dick’s condition, Bruce’s knowledge that he’d shot Alia, his own guilt and the looming issue of Checkmate threatened to send him into a breakdown.

He was beginning to understand why Jason drank so much, and that made him increasingly grateful for his faith. It was the only thing holding him together some days. Taking time out to pray and read the Quran forced him to slow his thoughts and direct them away from self-pity and anxiety. Thus, Tiger found himself sticking to his prayer schedule much more diligently than he had in a while. He asked Allah’s forgiveness for his lapse, and the peace he found in prayer seemed to tell him that forgiveness had been granted.

Praying alongside Damian was the only time the world felt even remotely stable.

As soon as he stepped out of the room and Dick wasn’t there to bother him, however, the world turned sideways again. Even if Dick were awake, he likely wouldn’t have the strength to drag himself out of bed for a few more hours at least.

Damian pinched his arm. “Alfred will have begun making breakfast. We should help him.”

Tiger managed a smile. “Dick tells me your ‘help’ means sitting at the counter and criticising everyone’s cooking.”

“If a talentless nobody from Gotham can be paid to tell other people how to cook, why am I not allowed to do the same?”

Tiger had no idea who exactly Damian was referencing, but it didn’t matter. “A compelling argument. Lead the way.”

“I heard you shot Agent 8 before she could turn Grayson into a puppet,” Damian said as they walked.

“And where did you hear that?” Tiger was past the point of concern, since the worst had already happened. He was, however, curious.

“Todd and Drake are not as subtle as they think.”

“Is there anyone in this house who does not know?”

“No. Brown and Cain were eavesdropping as well. Pennyworth, of course, knows everything.”

“I see.” Tiger wasn’t sure if this made him feel better or worse. “And Barbara?”

“Gordon also knows everything. She was once an information broker.”

Tiger could feel the beginnings of a headache pinching his temples. “Do any of you have privacy in this house?”

“It depends.”

They reached the kitchen.

“Good morning, sirs,” Alfred said, whisking a bowl of batter. He asked Damian to chop some fruit and Tiger was tasked with cracking more eggs. They worked peacefully together for a while. Tiger had forgotten how good it felt to keep his hands busy and let his mind rest.

He was beginning to miss gardening. He hadn’t had the opportunity since the undercover mission in Gloria’s neighbourhood had ended. He was tempted to ask Alfred if he could help him in the garden but wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. Tiger could survive most social situations, but this family was not like most.

Cassandra arrived not long after Tiger had begun to grate cheese for omelettes. Alfred had her set the table. There was little discussion, aside from the occasional instruction from Alfred. Tiger found himself enjoying the peace of it… and then immediately wondered what was wrong with him.

Except for prayer time, Tiger did not consider himself the type of person to simply rest on his laurels. There was always something to do. Moments of inactivity were to be avoided whenever possible. And yet… he was quite content.

“Well, ain’t this fucking domestic.” Jason leaned against the kitchen door. He was paler than usual and the set of his mouth suggested nausea.

“Language, sir,” Alfred said mildly, dropping a fizzing tablet into a glass of water and passing it to him.

“Sorry,” Jason mumbled before immediately gulping down the whole glass.

Damian scoffed. “I thought Drake was being dramatic when he said you were indisposed last night.”

Jason rolled his eyes, and then immediately clapped a hand over them. “Ow. Bad idea.”

“I heard that, Damian.” Tim slid past Jason to grab a handful of cutlery from the drawer with the hand not occupied by a coffee mug. He smiled at Tiger. “Cass recruited me into table-setting duty.”

“Bribed you, more like.” Jason stole the coffee mug and downed its contents. Tim retreated to the dining room without acknowledging what had just happened. Tiger did not know what to make of that.

“Will Master Dick join us for breakfast this morning, sir?” Alfred asked.

“I am uncertain,” Tiger replied. Dick had been on the mend last night, but sometimes the fatigue after his migraines would linger and make it difficult for him to leave his bed.

Alfred sent him off to check on Dick. He passed Stephanie on the way, who pointed a pair of finger guns at him and made a clicking sound with her tongue. He did not understand, but it seemed friendly, so he nodded at her.

Tiger opened the bedroom door quietly, but he needn’t have bothered. Dick was sitting on the bed, fully dressed and tying his shoelaces. “’Morning, sunshine.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Mostly human.” Dick sat up. “And very hungry.”

“Breakfast will be ready soon.” Tiger helped him up. “You should eat.”

“That’s the plan.” Dick stepped closer and planted a kiss on Tiger’s cheek. “How are you feeling?”

Tiger came very close to giving a kneejerk I’m fine, but Dick’s eyes narrowed and he instantly knew that was not an acceptable answer.

“I missed you this morning,” he admitted.

Dick sighed. “I know. I would’ve been there if I felt up to it.”

Tiger took his hands, squeezing gently. “I know. I do not blame you.”

Dick squeezed back. “So, where have you been?”

“Damian insisted we help Alfred prepare breakfast.” Tiger paused, wanting to say more but not quite knowing how to articulate the feelings swirling inside him.

“And?” Dick prompted.

“I liked it.”

“Tiger, are you telling me you didn’t realise you liked cooking?” Dick grinned, haltingly at first as if waiting for it to hurt. “Have you, like, forgotten everything that happened while we were fake-married?”

“I repressed it.” That wasn’t entirely truthful, but the face Dick made at him was worth it.

Dick snorted. “Of course you did. Come on. I need food.”

Breakfast was weird. Jason was clearly hungover, so he wasn’t saying much, and Tim was preoccupied with his laptop. Dick was grateful for the quiet, since his head still didn’t feel quite right, but it was still disconcerting.

Then Steph went for the jugular. “Where were you last night, Jason?”

Tim sighed and kept typing.

Jason rubbed his eyes. “Mind your damn business.”

“Okay, just asking…”

Cass smacked her arm. Jason mumbled something about wishing he hadn’t gotten out of bed.

Damian rolled his eyes so hard his head moved. Mercifully, though, he just kept eating his omelette without adding to the conversation.

Last night felt like a bit of a fever dream to Dick. He wasn’t sure if it was coming off the migraine, or the fact Jason had spoken openly about his feelings that had done it. Both, probably.

Breakfast settled back into quiet, but an uneasy kind of quiet. Then the door squeaked open to reveal Bruce. Jason glared up at the ceiling before pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

Bruce took a seat and poured himself a cup of coffee. “How was your meeting with Duke last night?” he asked Tim.

Tim shrugged. “Fine. I talked to the Rows as well.”

“Did you ask that Cullen kid out yet?” Jason said.

Tim fixed him with a silent stare.

“What? He wants you to.”

Tim sighed. “I’m not having this conversation. Everyone’s doing fine, Bruce. Honestly, given how well they held the city the night we took down Spyral, you can probably afford to give them a longer leash.”

Bruce nodded silently and grabbed some oatmeal. “Anyone have something to report that we didn’t cover last night?”

“Oh, Catwoman’s showing her face again,” Steph replied. “Forgot to mention. I think she’s being a good girl, though.”

An exhausted look crossed Bruce’s face before he reset his expression. “We’ll see.” He visibly fortified himself with a spoonful of oatmeal. “Checkmate is increasing their presence in Gotham for the moment. I need everyone on alert.”

Barbara slipped into the room and took a seat.

“Has Helena given us any indication what they’re going to do with their Spyral prisoners?” Tim asked, looking up from his screen.

“They’re recruiting heavily,” Bruce replied. “It’s my understanding they haven’t decided what to do with Bannon yet. Bertinelli has strongly discouraged his recruitment, but her opinion may not matter.”

“I’ve spotted Helena a few times in Burnside,” Barbara added. “She doesn’t trust me at all, but she did mention she’s not sure Checkmate is listening to her about Bannon.”

Dick wasn’t sure what to do about that. Tiger could reveal himself as a Checkmate agent, but things were precarious enough already. But if he could convince them to avoid recruiting Bannon…

Tiger sighed. “I may be able to help.”

“May being the operative word,” Dick added. He didn’t know a huge amount about Tiger’s relationship with Checkmate, except he was trusted enough to undertake a long-term undercover mission in a rival spy agency on his own. That had to count for something, right?

Bruce raised an eyebrow. “Is this about your affiliation with Checkmate?”

Tiger, to his credit, took that in his stride. “Yes.”

They stared at each other, and Dick was starting to wonder if an intervention would be required.

Jason cracked first. “Oh my fucking god just say something.”

“I need to report in to Checkmate regardless,” Tiger said. “They will ask for my report and I will have the chance to give recommendations.”

“Are we all just gonna skate over the fact Tiger’s literally been a Checkmate agent this whole time?” said Stephanie. “Like, am I the only person not keeping up?”

“Checkmate placed me in Spyral a number of years ago to stop them from finishing their mission,” Tiger explained flatly. “My goals aligned with Dick’s, even if our preferred methods did not. Fortunately, Dick was able to free Helena from Daedalus before I had to kill her.”

“Unfortunate for Agent 8 that she did not have the same opportunity,” Bruce said.

“We’ve already established Agent 8 was dead long before we got in the room,” Jason shot back.

A muscle twitched in Tiger’s jaw. Dick bumped their knees together.

“Can we focus on Bannon?” Dick said. “Tiger’s offering to explain to Maxwell Lord, and probably Amanda Waller if we’re being honest, that recruiting Bannon is a bad idea. Which it is. Shall I show off my scars? Or we could just wait until the next time I get a migraine?”

Bruce exhaled loudly through his nose. “Point taken. Tiger, if you think you can convince them, I won’t stop you. Do you intend to rejoin Checkmate?”

“No,” Tiger replied.

Jason raised his hands. “Well, that settles it. Now, out of respect to those of us with killer headaches, can we all shut up now?”

But Bruce was still watching Tiger. “You remained loyal to Checkmate for the duration of a very long undercover mission, which provided ample opportunity to defect. Ultimately, however, you carried out your mission and destroyed Spyral. Why not return to Checkmate?”

Tiger had somehow managed to retain eye contact. “Perhaps I have learned Checkmate is no longer the right place for me.”

Bruce just watched him.

Dick had to say something. “Yeah, I’d say going back to the organisation that wants to recruit the guy who tortured the shit out of both of us isn’t that appealing.”

“Even if I wanted to,” Tiger added, “it is unlikely I would pass their reintegration tests.”

“They just deputise people in the field most of the time anyway,” Tim said, tapping on his keyboard again. “Checkmate can afford to let an agent retire every so often.”

Tiger twitched a little at the word retirement. It was probably the correct word, but Dick supposed he hadn’t really thought about it like that. Or much at all. They had been preoccupied of late.

“We can always use more help in Gotham,” said Steph. “I think Tiger would look great in spandex.”

Tiger raised his eyes to the ceiling in exasperation.

“We’ve had that discussion already,” Dick said. “He vetoed the spandex.”

“Most of us don’t even wear spandex anymore,” Tim pointed out, frowning at his computer screen. “I think it’s safe to say Dick was the only one who ever liked wearing it.”

“Being able to bounce a quarter off my own ass isn’t any fun unless everyone else knows I can do it,” Dick replied. Tiger frowned at him.

“Is this another idiom? It is a bad one.”

“Is there such a thing as a good idiom?” said Tim.

Dick put a hand over his heart. “You take that back.”

Tim rolled his eyes and went back to typing. “I am very sorry, Dick. Please forgive me.”

Tiger looked like he had no idea what was going on. Which was fair. He and Damian shared a look.

It was probably for the best when Cassandra spoke up to bring everyone back on topic. “Tiger needs backup.”

Bruce nodded. “You have a point. Tiger, could you arrange a meeting if I provided a cell phone?”

“Yes.”

“Do it. We will arrange backup once we know when you are expected.”

It was a simple enough matter to call the external agent line and arrange a debriefing. Tiger didn’t typically use the phone line. It felt wrong to do it now. However, that was the technology Bruce had provided.

He was not sure what to make of this. He supposed it was not surprising to hear Bruce had known he was connected to Checkmate, but he still felt blindsided.

The matter of backup also had him on edge. He would have preferred Dick be on the mission, but that was not an option. Jason would likely not be chosen, either, especially now that his meeting had been scheduled during the day. He could not envision anyone from Dick’s family performing such a task in broad daylight.

Perhaps Helena was available.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Dick had been lying in bed, watching the ceiling while Tiger had made the phone call. He had yet to fall ill today, but something didn’t seem… right. Tiger suspected he would have another attack tomorrow.

“I need to contact Helena,” Tiger said.

“For backup? Good idea. I’d go myself, but…”

“You are allergic to daylight.”

“Exactly.” Dick scowled; it didn’t suit him. “Fuck me… I really hope this isn’t permanent. I’m bored shitless. Seriously. I can’t even read.”

“Could you ever?”

“Oh, by all means, kick me when I’m down.” Dick pinched his leg. “This what they teach you at Checkmate?”

“Yes, we are trained to hurt your feelings. Yours specifically.”

“I can believe it.” Dick stretched. “You got a way to talk to her? I’ve got a communicator in here somewhere.”

“Yes, but Bruce may prefer to contact her himself… if he trusts her enough.”

“Ugh. I’ll talk to him.” Dick sat up slowly. “He’s probably down in the cave again.”

“The screens will give you a headache.”

“I’m already on the way to another migraine anyway.” Dick stood up and stretched. A joint cracked. “Ooh, that was nice.”

“Should I come with you?”

“Probably not.” Dick leaned down to kiss him. “I’ll be a few minutes. Probably. If you could go check on Jason, that’d be great. He’s been more off than usual since he and Bruce talked yesterday.”

“I am not the right person to address the problem.” Tiger knew very little about their problems, with the obvious exception that Jason died, came back and wanted the Joker dead.

“You don’t need to talk about it.” Dick crossed to the door. “Just hang out with him or something. Please?”

Tiger sighed. “Fine.” Saying no to Dick was hard at the best of times. So while Dick headed to the Batcave, Tiger knocked on Jason’s door.

“I’m not here,” Jason said.

“That is not how it works,” Tiger replied.

“Whatever. Come in.”

Tiger pushed the door open. Jason was sitting on his bed, twisting a screwdriver into the side of his grapple launcher. His face had more colour in it than it had this morning.

“Feeling better?” Tiger said dryly.

Jason snorted. “You really want the answer to that?” He set down the launcher. “Dick put you up to this?”

“Yes.”

“Well, at least you’re honest.” Jason patted the bed. “May as well come here. Should we braid each other’s hair? Talk about boys?”

Tiger sat down. “Are those normal activities for you?”

“Nah, I normally just scroll Grindr in my boxers while watching soap reruns.”

“Riveting.”

Jason shrugged. “Most of us aren’t one half of a battle couple.”

“A what?”

Jason laughed. That seemed like a good thing, but Tiger didn’t know him well enough to be certain. Dick would probably like it.

“You and Dick. Battle couple. You know, if you were in a movie you’d be standing back-to-back with a cool pose ready to kick some ass.”

That forced a single, bitter laugh out of Tiger without his permission. “Maybe we were like that before we left Spyral.”

“And now?”

“I’m not sure either of us will ever fight again.”

Jason lifted a knee to his chest and rested his chin on it. “Okay, so maybe if we can’t find medicine for Dick, or if he doesn’t get better on his own… he might not make it back into the field. But what’s stopping you?”

“Are you sure you want to have this conversation?” Tiger hadn’t even talked about this properly with Dick. He wasn’t sure where he stood.

“I asked.” Jason fixed him with a steady stare. Tiger had read his file; he was meant to have bluer eyes than this, but they were a disconcerting teal-green. Perhaps it was the Lazarus Pit. Either way, his stare was… penetrating. Tiger found himself answering.

“I don’t enjoy battle as much as I once did,” he admitted. “I am also experiencing… ethical concerns.”

“About killing people?”

“Yes.”

Jason sighed. “Look. I might not be the best guy to give advice, but maybe you should train more with Bruce. He’s a piece of work, but he’s a master of nonlethal combat. And maybe he’ll grow the fuck up if you spend more time with him. Hasn’t worked for me, but…”

It was worth considering, but that wasn’t the only thing on Tiger’s mind. He wasn’t sure he had the mental strength to work in the field anymore. It was easy enough to think it, but saying it was another matter entirely.

Jason was still looking at him. “I’ll be level with you, Tiger. We can always use an extra pair of hands here, but we’re not hurting for help. There are some new kids on the block who help out here and there. If you wanted to join us, I’d welcome you. But… it’s not for everyone. And, honestly? Every time someone successfully retires from this life, that’s a good thing. It proves to the rest of us that it’s possible. Because for some of us, the thought of not going out there every night is unthinkable. I mean, we literally don’t know how we’d cope without it. It’s a fucking addiction. So if in the end you decide you don’t want to fight anymore? Good for fucking you.”

“You’ve thought about retiring?”

“When I’m really fucking drunk, usually.” Jason groaned, rubbing his face. “And sometimes when I’m hungover. But I don’t think I’m ready for that. You talked about this with Dick yet?”

“No.”

“I get it. He’s got his own shit going on. You should talk to him, though.”

“I might, once we know if his migraines are treatable. I do not wish to add to his worries.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Dick likes it when you tell him shit. He’s like that with all of us.”

“Fine. If it comes up, I’ll tell him. If not…”

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t know why I bother giving you relationship advice anyway. What the hell do I know?”

“Aside from how Grindr works? I have no idea.”

Jason snorted. “Yeah, I set myself up for that one.”

Dick almost took his sunglasses down into the Batcave, but then he wouldn’t be able to see shit. So he didn’t. Bruce was parked at the computer, frowning at the screen like he often did. He just looked like that, even when he wasn’t pissed.

“I used to think you were mad when you glared at the screen like that,” Dick said, leaning against a part of the computer that kept him mostly angled away from the worst parts of the screens.

“Hm.” Bruce pressed a button and the screens dimmed a little. “You did often ask what you’d done wrong when you were little.”

“Yeah, because I thought you were pissed at me.”

Bruce glanced up at him. “Stephanie tells me I have that kind of face.”

“Well, yeah. You do.”

Bruce’s concentration frown eased a little. “Better?”

“I mean, it’s like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound, but it’ll do.”

Bruce managed not to roll his eyes, but it did look like his soul left his body for a second. “Did you need something?”

“Tiger arranged a meeting with Checkmate. It’s during the day, so he was thinking Helena might make good backup instead of one of us. She’ll attract less attention.”

“And your thoughts?”

“I agree with him. Most of us are either too famous or too dead. And, I mean, a media frenzy about me taking my new boyfriend out on the town wouldn’t be the worst thing that’s ever happened, but I’m currently allergic to daylight, so…”

Bruce glared at his screen again, and this time he did seem irritated. “I’ll consider it. Cass or Stephanie are also an option.”

“We need Helena,” Dick said firmly. “If you want someone with her, that’s fine, but this is Tiger’s party. I think he should have a say in who gets invited.”

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

“Fine.”

“Okay.” That was easier than Dick had expected. “You know I get suspicious when you give in too easily, right?”

“I know.”

“I’m naming my next migraine after you.”

“I’m honoured.” Bruce typed something into the computer. “I imagine Tiger would prefer to contact Bertinelli himself, and that you intended to give him access to your communicator. You can give him one of the spares. Have Tim code it to give him a unique identifier.”

Dick would normally do it himself, but he couldn’t look at a screen for long enough. “Will do. What are you working on?”

“Updating crime files. Tim’s been playing with an electronic-paper display e-reader that you can use when your eyes are up to it. I’ll send some audio files if you like. The reader should nearly be ready for you.”

“Thanks.” That’d be easier on his head than a backlit screen, even if he still couldn’t use it when things got bad. “So.”

“Yes?”

“You knew Tiger was Checkmate.”

“Yes.”

“What gave it away?”

“Helena’s files on the Checkmate attack on Spyral were redacted, but I put the pieces together.” Bruce leaned back in his chair. “Tim may also have hacked into Checkmate’s systems temporarily. No identifying information, but it did confirm Checkmate had an agent inside Spyral. Tiger made the most sense, given all else I know about him.”

“So you didn’t actually know for certain.”

“I was certain enough.”

Bruce had been doing this work long enough to have developed a keen instinct for his things, so Dick couldn’t say that he was entirely surprised. He often uncovered the truth long before he had enough evidence to prove it. Dick had the same instincts, though he’d never claim they were as developed as Bruce’s were.

“Okay,” Dick said. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I haven’t decided.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need some indication where your head’s at.”

Bruce switched off the computer screens and swivelled the chair to face Dick properly. “I don’t like being lied to. You know that. However, these past few months have demonstrated to me that a nuclear response is not the most effective.”

“No shit.” Dick couldn’t keep the bitterness from his voice.

“So, he was going to kill Bertinelli?”

“It wasn’t personal. And he backed off as soon as I’d resolved the situation myself.”

“By taking Daedalus into your own head and kicking him out, yes. I read your report.” Bruce actually cracked a smile. “That sounds like you.”

“Believe me, I would’ve tried it again if I’d had the strength for it.”

“Hm.” Bruce rubbed his jaw. “That is the other problem. Whether it was intended or not, he did kill Agent 8 and lie about it.”

“No, he let us lie about it for him. It might not make a difference to you, but it does to me. And he did save my life, so…”

Bruce’s frown came back. “Yes. I’m aware. That makes it more difficult.”

“He wants to change, Bruce. He’s been trying. I don’t know if he even wants to do field work anymore, but he should train with us. Cass learned better. So can he.”

“I’ll consider it. After he meets Checkmate.”

“Fine. But I’m gonna tell Cass, and she’ll hold you to it.”

Bruce chuckled. “Clever.”

“It’s been known to happen.”

“I’m aware. I trained you.” Bruce got up. “How are you feeling? Up to some training?”

“Keep the lights down and we’ll find out.” Dick had missed the exercise, and it wasn’t every day he got to train with Bruce anymore.

It probably wouldn’t be a long session, but Dick could use some endorphins. Maybe a little adrenaline wouldn’t go amiss either. Lying around anticipating his next migraine had left him with a sense of lethargy. It took everything in him not to broadcast that to the world, but it was there.

Bruce kept the lights in the training ring dim, but enough to see by. They wrapped their hands and warmed up. Dick’s joints complained a little after so much inactivity, but they loosened up as he worked them.

“Tell me about Agent 8,” Bruce said once they were warm and facing each other.

“What’s there to tell that isn’t in my reports?” Dick jabbed lightly.

Bruce dodged. “I want to hear it from you.” He jabbed back. “Everything.”

Dick blocked; it hadn’t been a powerful hit. “Well, her name was Alia. She’s—she was—from Smallville.” He hit back.

Bruce blocked him. “And yet it appears she knew little of Superman.”

“He’d probably moved to Metropolis by the time she was old enough to think about it.” Dick dodged another strike. “I’m not sure of her age. Anyway, she was Tiger’s mission partner when I arrived.” He struck, and Bruce blocked him. “I worked with them on the Old Gun mission. This was before Tiger would give me the time of day.”

“Hate at first sight?” Bruce kicked.

Dick dodged. “Funny. I made some mistakes on that mission, so Tiger had to save my ass. He was… displeased. Alia yelled at me a bit, but we still got along pretty well. If you, uh, know what I mean.”

Bruce paused, sighing. “Really, Dick?”

“You have a literal child with Talia al Ghul. Don’t judge me.”

“Hn. Point taken.” Bruce increased the pace of his jabs. Dick was still keeping up, which was nice. “So, she faked her death at the end of that mission.”

“Yeah. And then Tiger and I got partnered together, which was, uh, not ideal. Until we worked it out.” Dick tried something a little flashier, ducking under Bruce’s punch and kicking the back of his knee.

Bruce stumbled but corrected. “Good work.”

“Thanks.” Dick had to dodge another punch. “Alia was working for Dr Netz and Daedalus the whole time. She masqueraded as me and killed spies who were meant to be off-limits. Helena thought it was Tiger doing it for a while, so I may have punched him in the face and abandoned him on her orders. But then Alia lured Tiger to Italy to kill him. I got there in time but lost the fight. She was still pretending to be me, so I hadn’t quite put it all together at that point. She used a Hypnos kill switch to take me down.”

“And then Tiger led Helena to believe Checkmate was behind all this?”

“Yeah. Not sure why. I guess he let Alia go so he could try to track her movements, or maybe she manipulated his affection for her.” Dick tried for another feint, but Bruce anticipated him and hit him in the stomach. Dick backed off, bending over to suck in air.

“When do you think Daedalus possessed her?”

Dick straightened, taking one last deep breath. “After she faked her death. Less scrutiny.”

“I agree.” Bruce adjusted the bandages on his right hand. “Had enough?”

“Normally I’d say no, but…”

“Better safe than sorry.” Bruce unwrapped his bandages. “You’ll need a good cooldown.”

Dick freed his hands from the wrappings and threw them at Bruce. “Duh.”

They stretched together, massaging aches out of their muscles as they went.

“One thing I don’t understand is how Tiger went from hating you, to, well…”

“Being here?” Dick laughed. “What can I say? I’m a charmer.”

Bruce just looked at him.

“Okay, fine. I’m going to redact some details because talking about sex with you is still fucking weird, but…” Dick lay on his back in a semi-supine position and took a few breaths to get his heart rate back down. “It’s a good story. Starts with me nearly falling out of a window, to being fake-married in suburbia, to the weirdest debrief with Helena I’ve had in my life. Get comfortable.”

Bruce and Dick weren’t really the type to talk about relationships with each other, but maybe that needed to change. Dick was willing to try if Bruce was.

So Dick told his story and Bruce listened.

At the end of it, Bruce helped Dick to his feet. They’d been down here a while.

“Tiger should ask Alfred if he can help in the garden,” Bruce said.

“That’s your takeaway?”

“I have a lot of takeaways. I’m just saying Tiger could use an outlet and he seemed to enjoy gardening.”

Bruce wasn’t wrong, but…

“I never thought you’d be giving mental health advice, Bruce.”

“I’m trying new things.” Bruce clapped his shoulder. “Look. I know I’ve dragged my feet on this matter. I don’t like change.”

“Everyone knows that, B.”

Bruce frowned at him. “Respect your elders.”

“Too late.”

Bruce threw that topic away and kept going with his original point. “What I mean to say is, I trust your judgment. Tiger has been very helpful in the short time he’s been with us. I’m not going to pretend I’m comfortable with his past, but I understand I have been harsher than I needed to be.”

Dick didn’t need to say anything. He could feel his opinions beaming out from his eyes, and Bruce was able to read them.

“Yes, I know I’m stating the obvious, Dick. I’m trying to say Tiger can stay here as long as he likes.”

“Good,” Dick replied. “Because if he goes, I go.” He smiled, and knew it was the most passive-aggressive smile he’d ever given anyone in this family. “Just so we’re clear.”

“Message received. Now stop smiling like that. It doesn’t suit you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m gonna take a shower.” But Dick paused halfway up the stairs. “Oh, and you might want to tell Tiger all this. I could talk to him, but he’ll believe it more if he hears if from you. Just saying.”

“We’ll talk when there’s time,” Bruce promised. “Now go drink some water.”

Dick rolled his eyes. It hurt a bit, which wasn’t a good sign. But at least he’d accomplished something today. There were enough problems without Bruce and Tiger being at each other’s throats.

He kept walking.

“Oh, and Dick?”

He paused.

“You were right to be angry,” Bruce said, barely loud enough to hear. “I did not anticipate I would suddenly be unavailable to you while you were undercover. That was an oversight, but I have always trusted you to think for yourself. You relied on your instincts to see you through to the end. I am proud of you.”

That was nice, but the delay stung. “It would’ve been nice to hear that months ago, Bruce.”

“I know.” Bruce looked steadily at him. “I’m sorry.”

Dick had hoped, but doubted, he would ever hear Bruce say those words. A small part of him wanted to reject the apology and wallow in his anger some more, but the more mature side of him prevailed. Dick could hold a grudge with the best of them, but it never felt good.

He breathed. “Okay. Thank you.”

#dicktiger #dick grayson #tiger king of kandahar #homecoming dicktiger fic #my fics #fanfiction

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djbimbu-blog · 5 years

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Bruce Springsteen - Darkness on the Edge of Town

For the first review why not start with the album this blog is named after, Bruce Springsteen’s fourth album, 1978’s Darkness on the Edge of Town. Why did I name my blog after this album? Is it my favorite album? Favorite album by the Boss? Nope. It’s not even my favorite Springsteen album (that would probably go Born to Run, but Darkness is close). It’s just what I happened to be listening to when I decided to start a blog because I needed a hobby, and I spend most of my time reading about whatever record I’m listening to anyway, so I might as well write down my half assed research and opinions.

I don’t remember when I got this record, a few years ago at some point. I bought it from one of my usual record stores. I had already tried to buy it once at a flea market, but when I got it home the record actually was an Elvis Costello record inside of a Springsteen sleeve. And try as I might, I just can’t get into Costello. I learned the hard way (probably about $8 hard) that you don’t just look at some of the grooves for scratches, look at the label and make sure its the right fucking record in there. So I had to buy a second copy. It’s in decent shape, has a few crackles here and there, but I don’t go for mint condition stuff. I go for the record that’s the cheapest one out of the three copies the store has, because the sleeve is a little worn and one song has a scratch in it. I buy records to listen to first and foremost. I’m not rich, and I’m not buying them to look at, so some of my records are of questionable condition.

The first copy I bought is now framed and hangs right above my stereo. A reminder not to be such a dumbass with my record shopping, and a reminder to stop being so quick to shit on artists based off mental cliches you’ve made about their fans. Basically a reminder to be a more open minded person, and less of an asshole.

Most of my life I had written off the Boss as boring baby boomer dad rock, stuff you hear on the radio in the waiting room of an automatic car wash, stuff along with solo Clapton, Toto, The Eagles, Journey’s slow songs. So you’re drinking free Keurig coffee while ESPN plays on the TV, hoping the balding, goateed man next to you doesn’t ask you you’re opinion on the draft because you didn’t watch it and don’t want to deal with the awkwardness of a judgmental look for being a 20 something man who doesn’t care about sports. In his mind my dull, offended, smart phone generation is destroying the spirit of the country, and in my mind, I thought Springsteen was his music, music from when “men were men”, worked at factories, ate McDonalds when it was still legally a food product, and Reagan was going to turn everything around from the malaise years of Carter. He probably listened to Springsteen back in 1980, played high school baseball, dealt with all the bullshit in his life by looking forward to Friday night when he could get drunk, hang out with his girlfriend, and drive around with his friends in a shitty rust box Nova (with the inline six, not even the v8 that still didn’t make 200 horsepower). Needless to say, I had judgmental opinions about Bruce Springsteen and the kinds of people who listened to him.

At some point something happened. I honestly think it was mostly just that I grew the fuck up just enough to hear Springsteen on the right day and it finally connected, finally all made sense. I remember where the change happened. I was sitting in one of my old apartments, a few years out of a bad break up (and dropping out of college), living with some of my best friends, working a dead end job, starting to drink too much, mentally planning a half impulsive move across the country away from it all…and binging The Sopranos for the first time. At the end of the first season finale, Tony and his family are driving in a bad storm, and seek shelter in the restaurant of Tony’s long time friend Artie. Artie, trying to close up, reluctantly lets them in to eat. Other friends and family are there dining, Tony and his family sit down, then Tony toasts to remembering “the little moments, like this…that were good.” Fade to black, and this faint acoustic guitar comes in over the credits, with this haunting voice, coated in a slap back delay, singing about having a “clear conscience for the things that I’ve done.” It’s a beautiful scene from one of the pinnacles of television. And I had to find out what the fuck that song was. It was like a combination of Elvis singing “Blue Moon”, Bob Dylan’s “The Ballad of Hollis Brown” with a touch of Suicide’s Alan Vega thrown in. I do some internet digging, and find out it’s this song called “State Trooper” by Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Springsteen? The guy behind that “Born In The USA” song drunk assholes ironically jammed on the Fourth of July, that I couldn’t stand? Was I wrong about him this whole time? So I started to dig into the Boss, first into the Born to Run album, since the song “Born To Run” I always had sort of guilty pleasure liked when it came on the radio. Within a year or so I would consider Springsteen a musical genius, and one of my absolute favorite musicians of all time (though I must admit I only deeply know his first 7 albums). All from hearing one of his least Springsteeny songs in the end credits of a tv show I was watching more than 10 years after airing.

On to the album. Springsteen had already recorded three albums, his last, Born to Run was a massive success, that had him maturing as an artist and writing songs that were absolutely beautiful and somehow could be absolutely depressing at the same time. Listen to “Jungleland". If it doesn’t make you feel every emotion at once, you’re not human. The lyrics tell a story I’m still not quite sure I understand, and it has the best saxophone solo ever put on a record (and for what it’s worth, the “Jungleland" sax solo is my favorite part of any song ever). It’s a perfect fucking song. It was a hard album to top, and I’m still not sure if he did. Darkness is a fantastic record, though I’m not sure if it’s as good as Born to Run (I’m also not sure if it’s worse). But you have to applaud Springsteen for not pulling an AC/DC, writing more of the same, and riding it out for the next 30 years. He came into the studio with a new band member, Steven Van Zandt (who I will still always think of first and foremost as Silvio Dante), and recorded a massive collection of over 50 songs. Some are available on the album The Promise which didn’t come out until 2010.

Ten were picked for the record, which was harder hitting, darker, rawer, and more stripped down. It wasn’t as poppy (if you could consider Born To Run that), and wasn't as successful. The highest single off Darkness only made it’s way to No. 33 on the Billboard charts. How could he top Born To Run? He couldn’t, but the lack of relative success doesn’t make it any less of an album. It’s his In Utero, so to speak.

“Badlands” kicks off the album. With a rhythm Springsteen claims to have “borrowed” from The Animals “Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood” it moves quick. It has raw, crunchy guitars, you can already tell this isn’t Born To Run. The lyrics follow similar Springsteen territory, but you can tell right away this is a different album. The problem with “Badlands” though is the version on the Live 1975-1985 album just has that little bit extra. “Badlands” is a great song, but I usually find it just leaves me wanting the live version instead. The version of the live album comes from a 1980 show in Tempe, Arizona, which has concert footage on youtube. Honestly, most of the tracks from that show are better than the album. I have a hard time finishing Darkness sometimes without getting sidetracked watching Springsteen live videos on youtube about halfway through.

“Adam Raised A Cain” is maybe Springsteen’s heaviest song. It starts off with a fast, overdriven guitar, and goes right into a ripping, pissed off, guitar solo. The tempo picks up a bit in the bridge, and then the chorus hits you hard, with yelling background vocals and squealing lead guitar. The guitar solo comes in later, reminiscent of the intro solo, but with a few unique lines thrown in. At the end they go back into the chorus for a solid minute, and jam on it until the end. Springsteen doesn’t have many songs like this. I wish he did. It’s really fucking good.

“Something in the Night” is a slower tune. It’s not bad, but I find it a little forgettable. If I’m scrolling through Spotify for the car or something, it’s not the tune I’d pick out if I only have a 5 minute drive. I do really like last half though, where the vocals get a little less ballad, and a little rougher, a little louder.

“Candy’s Room” has just not aged well. Something about the piano line, the driving bass, the drums, I’m not sure what. Some of the production on this album is pretty dated, but for some reason more so on this one. Maybe because it’s about a girl named Candy, and nobody’s been born with that name in quite a while (at least not that I know). It just sounds very 1970’s, and not in the good way. It’s a little boring, and the lyrics don’t really do much for me. It has a pretty good guitar solo though, so points for that. Probably my least favorite track.

“Racing In The Street” heads right into a different direction. It starts off with a solo piano, and Springsteen singing about his 69 Chevy. I’m a bit of a classic car lover myself, so I appreciate the references, and only a few people could sing a love song about girls and muscle cars and not make it hokey as shit. It’s definitely not Van Halen’s Panama. How though? A song with this subject matter should be corny and terrible, but it’s really fucking good. It’s pure beautiful Americana. It’s the musical equivalent of having a fire on the beach with your best friends in the summertime. It’s simple, but taking simple stories and making them something relatable to everyone is what Springsteen is the best at. Even if you don’t like cars, anyone can listen to this song and have something in you’re life it could be about.

“The Promised Land” starts off with a midtempo guitar and a matching harmonica. I don’t quite know what the lyrics mean, but you sure as hell want to get to the promised land too. The song slows down in the middle, with a guitar solo, and rips right into a classic Clarence Clemons sax solo. This is probably the “poppiest” song on the album, which is not to say it’s “Dancing In The Dark.” It’s still in full rock and roll territory, but it’s fucking catchy. Another song you need to watch the footage of from the 1980 Arizona show. The album version is good, the live one is perfect.

“Factory” is one of the lesser songs on the album. I honestly usually skip it. It’s just a little too slow after “The Promised Land” and the song after “Factory” is really good. It’s not a bad song, but just a victim of track listing choice. Especially if I’m not listening to the vinyl, in the car or the gym or something, it’s getting skipped. If it’s on the record, I’ll listen, but I’m not that invested. The lyrics aren’t Springsteen’s best, a little too on the nose.

“Streets of Fire” is another slower tune, but a little harder. I doesn’t have that much in common, but it reminds me a lot of “Backstreets” off Born To Run. It starts off pretty mellow, with just an organ (some sort of keyboard, I’m going with organ), but starts to pick up and hits hard when the guitars come in, and then goes right into one of the coolest guitar solo’s on a Springsteen album. The guitar tone is just fuzzy enough, it’s loud, drenched in reverb, and the rest of the band just lays back. It comes out of nowhere. The rest of the song is more of the same and fades out, but that solo makes the song.

“Prove It All Night” is a classic mid tempo Springsteen rock and roll love song. Nothing ground breaking, but it’s still one of the better tracks on the album. In the middle it goes into a sax solo, and then up another level with another great guitar solo. This is definitely the best Springsteen guitar album. The solo’s hit hard, sound mean, but aren’t showy or lame 1970’s rock show off stuff. They serve the songs really well. Something about this song though makes me feel like it would fit better on The River. Another song to check out live footage of. It turns into an extended jam, and is just a little bit quicker. I think if they recorded it with the tempo of the live show, it would have brought it from one of the decent tracks on the album to one of the best. I don’t know why, there’s nothing about this song particularly interesting, but I find myself throwing it on quite a bit.

“Darkness on the Edge of Town” ends the album. It’s a little bit of a middle ground between “Racing In The Street” and “Streets of Fire.” It’s one of Springsteens more critically regarded songs, Rolling Stone rated it the #8th best song by him apparently, but I don’t really see it. It’s good, but even on this album there’s quite a few better songs. It’s okay, it’s a good outro to the album, I can see what they were going for, but it just never really jelled with me that well.

Final thoughts:

Favorite songs: “Adam Raised a Cain,” “Racing In The Street,” “The Promised Land,” “Streets of Fire.”

Least favorite songs: “Candy’s Room,” “Factory”

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#records #review #music review #music #bruce springsteen #springsteen #vinyl #darkness on the edge of town

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free-martinis · 6 years

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Martin Freeman arrives at the Lucca Film Festival and the city moves to the premiere of Ghost Stories . The English horror, already revelation at home, will arrive in Italian theaters on April 19th with Adler Entertainment . Meanwhile, the festival pays homage to it with an exclusive preview, immediately sold out, and a spectacle-themed show (of which you can see some photos in the gallery that follows) Ghost: Art Noir . Despite the shy Freeman has repeatedly declared to detest selfies, autographs and all the rites of notoriety, the heat towards him is felt and he reciprocates with generosity giving himself to fans on a red carpet wet, but full of admirers.

After the passage to Rome, the star of Lo Hobbit and Sherlock discovers the wonders of a fascinating Tuscany, even if it is rainy. A slight disappointment for the actor who admits that he came to Italy above all "to escape the English climate" . Amused, Freeman comments his first time in the medieval town: "I had never been to Lucca, usually when I come to Italy I go south. Last night, while I was walking back to the hotel, I tried to convince myself how romantic the Italian rain was. I felt like you were Call me by your name, I also saw a couple of nice guys on the street, let me add that I'm joking, my press officer is going to have a heart attack . "

Psycho, or the discovery of cinema

A punctual movie lover, Martin Freeman proves to have the pulse of new trends. Despite numerous work commitments, does not give up to go to the movies and during the conversation shows he has seen many of the most interesting titles released in recent months. But the direct references of Ghost Stories are rooted in the past, to be exact in the world of British horror of the 50s and 60s, the legendary golden season of Hammer Films , so when we ask him what his favorite horror, Freeman admits it difficult to choose: "I am very attached to the British tradition of horror because I grew up, I saw them on TV dozens of times, at the time were already ancient. I loved Nightmares ,The five keys to terror and the fury of the Baskervilles . Among the recent horror, the best is undoubtedly Scappa - Get Out " .

Life always finds its way" . This is one of the most suggestive lines of Ghost Stories and is also the way Freeman comments on his choice to become an actor. "My first encounter with the cinema? I was seven when I saw the Psycho trailer on TV, and shortly after I gave the whole movie and my mother told me, 'It's a classic, you have to see it at all.' terrified for the next two years, but I loved him a lot. From there began my love for film and Hitchcock . another memory I have very clear dates back a few years later. One weekend I went to see Bugsy Maloneand Star Wars. On Monday we had to tell in a task what we did on the weekend, almost all of us talked about how Luke Skywalker blew up the spaceship . "

A few years passed from childhood to success. Years of a long apprenticeship culminated in the first incredible success, The Office , BBC series that launched the thirty year old Freeman in the Olympus. "I was lucky and at the time I spent ten hours a day on the set trying not to throw away the lines" . The comedy has remained in the DNA of the interpreter of Bilbo so much to push it to consider it an essential tool to sensitize the public towards important issues:"I do not think genre films are necessarily the best way to communicate, now we feel the need to categorize everything I wanted to be an actor because I wanted to tell stories, it's a human necessity I recently played in a comedy in London on last years of the Labor Party Laughter is one of the best ways to make people aware.Watch Dead Stalin, if he does another , he made us understand a series of historical events thanks to slapstick.A good comedy can communicate much more messages effective than any other format " .

A certain dose of British humor also permeates Ghost Stories , even if the film actually revolves around the supernatural. "I do not know if it exists or not, nobody knows, I try not to be dogmatic, everything is possible for me, I chose to make the film because the script scared me even when I read it early in the morning with a cup of coffee in front. moments made my heart beat, and then I knew the directors well, I knew that I would have fun with them on the set " . The scariest moment, during the processing of the film, however, is not due to the script, but it is the election of Trump."One morning I arrived on the set and the two directors had the goggle faces, none of us believed he could win, we shared the grief on the set and then decided to continue working in an alienating atmosphere . "

My model? Michael Caine

The amarcord moment comes when Martin Freeman recalls the experience on the New Zealand set of The Hobbit . "We were a gang, almost all of us, we often shared cramped spaces, but we never got to grips with testosterone, so there were some of the most important friendships in my life and Peter Jackson is a master," the actor points out. , as a man, his model of virility does not correspond to the standards of machismo. "I am attracted by men who are not afraid of showing their fragility, and when the public faces a hero without defects or weaknesses, he immediately understands that he is fake, I like to tell humanity".

Among the reference models, the principal is undoubtedly Michael Caine . "I discovered him in The Unuspecting and he struck me how he managed to be attractive and virile without being super sexy, he revolutionized acting, but I also love Al Pacino , Robert De Niro and Anthony Hopkins " . We do not know from whom Freeman has borrowed the loose talk, his trademark that also shows off in front of the public in Lucca, but he mocks: "It is not to bore the public, I do not want to put him to sleep". Before saying goodbye, Martin does not avoid a supernatural question. Asked if he would prefer to face a zombie, a ghost or Smaug, he asserts: "Smaug ... Seeing him, maybe I could think about it" .

An interesting article collecting chats and interviews Martin did while at the Lucca Film Festival. I found it fascinating to hear what recent films he saw, which he liked as a child or young man and what some of his acting role models are. (apologies for some strange grammar or wording - the original article is in italian and I pushed it through g**gle translate) - free-martinis

#Martin Freeman #Lucca Film Festival #article #link

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eisforeidolon · 6 years

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Episode: Exodus

What is there to say about this episode, really? It could have been worse? At least we got a brother hug out of it? Oh, look, it’s that part of the season where all the places the arc plot failed get desperately glossed over with even more flimflam? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Yeah, I did appreciate the hug and how Sam and Dean had to look away from each other's eyes after and move on to deal with the crap they were still in the middle of. Of course Dean figures it's all good if Sam is alive, even if he comes with such fugly baggage. So there was that good moment. Although it was right after Sam set a timer on his phone for twenty one hours. Which was a rough estimate, not a definitive timeline. Given by Lucifer. You know, Lucifer. Sigh.

The main problem this episode had was that it really desperately wanted to show a conflict for Jack between everyone else and Lucifer trying to win him over. Even if you take out the part where earlier this season Jack said he didn't actually feel anything in favor of him now having flashbacks o' guilt? Which has its own issues in terms of the writers going for innately good woobie Jack instead of anything with more nuance? Everyone in this episode acted as if Lucifer had pulled some kind of angel mojo off-screen to keep them from speaking against him.

Dean just keeps yelling for Lucifer to shut up – without actually giving Jack any reason for the hostility. Sam basically avoids the whole situation, as does Gabriel. Castiel stands RIGHT THERE like a goddamn piece of furniture while Lucifer spews out his same old tired oh-poor-misunderstood-me spiel. They don't have to engage with the bullshit claims about Lucifer corrupting humanity he’s whining about, just say all the shit he personally did! Creating demons from twisting human souls. Torturing Sam for keeping him from his plans to destroy the world. Lying - including to, notably, Jack's mother. There is no real conflict here and you can't make a believable one happen by just having everyone go suspiciously mute for reasons, ffs!

Also, remember all that nonsense in season eleven about how Lucifer turning against God wasn't entirely his fault, it was because he had the Mark of Cain? Remember how we had the Winchesters bizarrely advocate for his ass to make God apologize to him for being such a meaniehead? Except, oh, whoops, when they have their big talk, Gabriel is back to saying that it actually was all Lucifer's fault again. Without any mention of the Mark's influence from him or in any of Lucifer's pity party speeches. LOL!canon.

Then we have the usual crap with Mary, the woman who is desperate to bond with anyone … who isn't blood related to her. The Winchesters were worried all season about saving Mary, desperate enough to risk tearing the fabric of the universe – for reasons! Despite how many other characters they had much closer actual good relationships to they've let go. Here, they finally find Mary - who blithely (and rather insensitivity, considering Sam just died) goes on about how she totally understands how they went to so much trouble! Buuuut, fuck off home boys I will always find somebody I care about more than you! That whole big, cathartic hug and resolve to have a real relationship with each other? Oh, look, the writers turned that clock right back just to give us more bullshit shallow soap drama of the Winchesters being super invested in a Mary who clearly does not actually give a single fuck about them and isn't shy about letting that show. I mean, if I felt like the writers were doing this on purpose, intending for us to feel like Mary is just a deeply shitty person at her core, at least that would be something. Instead they keep trying to insist there's a relationship here both ends care about but, oops, ~*somehow*~ abandonment drama keeps happening! I honestly don't know why I'm supposed to find Mary any less contemptuous than Samuel Campbell. Seriously, why? I question whether she would literally adopt Lucifer before she would be considerate of Sam and Dean's feelings at this point. I don't get why they, or I, should care about her given the givens. AT ALL, let alone to the point of risking reality - or are we forgetting about that whole warning thing from Billie completely? Which is not even to mention the way Mary basically laughs at Dean's concern Jack could go dark side. Oh yeah, the woman who spent last season being duped by the BMOL and schtupping Ketch obviously has superior judgment about things like that! Not to mention the irony of her saying of course Jack will be interested, Lucifer's his father, no harm can come of that! Or are we not supposed to draw a parallel between how much Sam and Dean risked this season in the name of their likewise shit mother for no more substantial connection?

At this point I honestly wonder, does Singer or somebody else on staff have an unholy fuckton of mommy issues? First there was that whole horrible tumor of a plotline with Crowley and Rowena and now this nonsense. Oh, but look, Mary's soooo cool, she's such a “badass” fighter and keeps punching Lucifer in the face, LOL! That totally makes up for it! In short - fuck you, SPN writers, for once again making alive!Mary less of an understandable three-dimensional character than she was when she was dead.

After the reunionating, we waste some time with some random Apocaworld NPCs. Remember how Michael was supposedly amassing his forces at a weak point between realities and was going to break through and attack the regular world at any time? On top of the whole rift spell thing? Time sensitive, nah, the good guys are going to sit here waffling back and forth for a while with some nobodies and a replacement goldfish Bobby about whether they should stay in their burned out world. Who cares? I don't. It’s especially comical following as it does after the previous week’s OMG NO TIME!!! malarkey. Also feel pretty awkward about the celebration at the end, these people are either strangers or strangers wearing the faces of dead friends that they've just randomly invited into their supposedly secure bunker of magical artifacts. Acting like being all blasé about it is not kinda creepy is ... really very creepy.

In terms of the whole Charlie and Ketch on a mission side plot, I think the writers were desperately trying to create some kind of meaningful parallel between regular Cas and Indiana Jones cartoon villian reject AU!Cas. With them both doing the angel interrogation thing and the line about being the same, or whatever? Like, if they can just desperately imply AU!Cas is actually badass then therefore vicariously... Even still, I actually minded this ridiculous IHAVEANACCENTSOI'MADIFFERENTCHARACTER!Cas less than the previous ones? Putting aside the part where it’s complete nonsense that he’s the only familiar angel with the same damn vessel, somehow, for reasons? I could actually see a clueless alternate universe Cas trying to figure out how to be intimidating to humans and ending up doing a bad adventure film Nazi impression.

Bad accent shenanigans and faux depth attempts aside, I did enjoy the rescue scene. Not!Charlie's reaction to being hugged by a giant stranger and Ketch's look and quip at Dean particularly. While I think they missed a bit of an opportunity to make a direct Satan at the wheel joke when they had Lucifer drive the bus, I found it amusing for that nonetheless. I also actually did like the scene between Sam and Jack and Lucifer there as they’re leaving. Putting aside the general thrust of the episode's story and exactly why Jack figured he'd be able to pop off and kill Michael in five minutes or so, it was pretty apt to have Lucifer talk to him about thinking you're doing the right thing and having the right thing go wrong. Of course Lucifer knows all about that - back when he was actually scary, it was how he manipulated everyone. It's almost out of place for how much sense it makes here for him to sway Jack with that reasoning. I also actually liked that Rowena had managed to find a way to bolster the spell and keep it open just that much longer.

Not so much in favor of how, of course, Michael shows up at the very last second. Or how Gabriel offers to sacrifice himself by fighting more powerful AU!Michael with … basically zero grace power. It made no sense at all, made his resurrection to ruin his redemption arc just to give him a different one even more essentially pointless, and literally the only reason Jack didn't stay behind as the most powerful member of their party to guard their retreat was scripted contrivance. More specifically, to have Sam ditch Lucifer so Lucifer will team up with Michael and maybe to Jack be all upset? Which, again, if it happens can only happen because no one was actually willing to tell him exactly why everyone knows his father is a dick. BECAUSE REASONS! So much eye-rolling, so little time.

I mean, it's not like Michael wasn't already planning to come through elsewhere anyway. It's not like they didn't already try ditching Lucifer in Apocaworld once already and saw how permanent of a solution that WASN'T (including how it gave Michael an extra source of archangel grace). It's not like Lucifer is capable of ever figuring out redemption involves real remorse and might actually turn good so there was some real dilemma for him here beyond having to team up with someone he hates. I guess there were actually some people that were all pissed off at Sam on Lucifer's behalf but that's incredibly gullible and weird, tbh. Like, there are people who actually bought all that crocodile tears sad face self pity bullshit? Just … wow.

Anyway, maybe this dumb idea of an ending will have some non-contrived point that comes up in the finale episode that I haven't got to yet, but I seriously doubt it.

#spn 13x22 #spn season 13 #negativity for ts #anti lucifer #anti mary winchester #writer incompetence #long post

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thesportssoundoff · 6 years

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“A great HW fight, a few great prospects, Jimi Manuwa and .500″ The UFC returns to the UK Preview

Joey

March 11th, 2018

Fights: 12 (11?)

Debuts: 5 (John Phillips, Charles Byrd, Magomed Ankalaev, Hakeem Dawodu, Dimitry Sosnovski)

Fight Changes/Injury Cancellations: 4 (Rustam Khabilov OUT, Stevie Ray IN vs Kajan Johnson/Dmitry Prohebetz OUT, Dmitry Sosnovskiy IN vs Mark Godbeer/Alex Reyes OUT, TBD IN vs Nasrat Haqparast/Elizeu Zaleski OUT, Brad Scott IN vs Jack Marshmann)

Headliners (fighters who have either main evented or co-main evented shows in the UFC): 5 (Fabricio Werdum, Alexander Volkov, Jimi Manuwa, Jan Blachowicz, Stevie Ray)

Fighters On Losing Streaks in the UFC: 2 (Terrion Ware, Paul Craig)

Fighters On Winning Streaks in the UFC: 7 (Fabricio Werdum, Alexander Volkov, Jan Blachowicz, Leon Edwards, Peter Sobotta, Mark Godbeer, Kajan Johnson)

Main Card Record Since Jan 1st 2016 (in the UFC): 18-8

Alexander Volkov- 3-0 Fabricio Werdum- 3-2 Jan Blachowicz- 3-2 Jimi Manuwa- 2-1 Tom Duquesnoy- 1-1 Terrion Ware- 0-2 Leon Edwards- 4-0 Peter Sobotta- 2-0

Too High Up- Terrion Ware vs Tom Duquesnoy

Terrion Ware is the sort of fighter every MMA organization loves to have. He's a guy who can test your prospects, give them a few unique looks and test what guys can and can't do. Thus far, Ware has given some dicey moments to Cody Stamman and Sean O'Malley so you know he can be your prospect tester dijour. The problem is Ware is fighting third up on the card vs Tom Duquesnoy in a fight entirely designed to get Duquesnoy back on the right track. I'm not opposed to young fighters getting opportunities to rebuild their stock because it's just smart business but Duquesnoy-Ware should not be third fight on the card. Thus far Ware's agent has got him on International Fight Week, the co-main event of an FS1 card and now this premier slot on Fight Pass. Dude's out here putting in work.

Too Low- Danny Henry vs Hakeem Dawodu

In his UFC debut, Canada's top prospect gets what is the usual "hyped guy debut" fight---a really fucking tough matchup where nobody respects his opponent. Henry is a former AFC champ who debuted vs Daniel Teymur and had a hellacious war with him in a FOTN bonus earning win. Henry looked huge for 155 lbs so lord knows what he'll look like at 145. Henry is a flawed fighter who Dawodu should be able to style on BUT there are no guarantees under 155 lbs and Henry has a lot of tools (power, size and cardio) which should give Hakeem some issues. This fight should be on the main card.

Stat Monitor for 2018: Debuting Fighters (Current number: 6-9): John Phillips, Charles Byrd, Magomed Ankalaev, Hakeem Dawodu, Dimitry Sosnovski

Short Notice Fighters (Current number: 6-2): Stevie Ray, Dmitry Sosnovski, Brad Scott

Second Fight (Current number: 8-9): Oliver Enkamp, Danny Henry, Nasrat Haqparast

Cage Corrosion (Current number: 5-9):

Undefeated Fighters (Current number: 11-8): Hakeem Dawodu, Dmitry Sosnovski

Twelve Precarious Ponderings

1- I'd actually like to begin by doing a bit of an exercise if you'll so indulge me. There are 17 European fighters on this card from top to bottom if you remove the in limbo fight for one Nasrat Haqparast. Removing the debuting fighters, that number drops to 15. Of those fifteen fighters, how many of them are some combination resulting in 2-2 in their last 4 fights?

Jimi Manuwa Jan Blachowicz Danny Roberts Jack Marshmann Brad Scott Paul Craig Stevie Ray

So of the fifteen fighters on this card from Europe who have set foot in the UFC octagon, seven of them are 2-2 in their last 4 fights. That fifteen also includes guys like Tom Duquesnoy, Alexander Volkov and others who don't even have a four fight minimum in the org.

The point was to illustrate the challenges of the European fight scene. MOST of these guys fight in Europe and the UFC goes to Europe, what, six times a year? That leaves these guys taking fights outside of Europe but never in America; like Mexico, Canada or Brazil primarily. That creates a pretty weird dynamic where most of these fights are outside of their comfort zones and on the road in enemy territory where they're really just there to be "an opponent." All of this leads to an erosion of fan support as more and more European fighters get smelted out of their home markets, creating the illusion that they're just not good enough. It all leads to a challenge of balancing the desire to showcase international fighters in front of their fans with the fact that there are X amount of cards to fill up with guys who have to fight X amount of times across X amount of dates. When SO many local fighters are in a state of "win one, lose one, win one, lose one" there's no semblance of momentum.

2- What fighter in Fabricio Werdum's past does Alexander Volkov best represent? I can't think of somebody who he's faced who provides the combination of workrate, size and striking depth that Volkov has. That's not to say Werdum can't win (or won't win) but I'm at a loss for a real good comp for Volkov.

3- It's amazing the level of durability Fabricio Werdum has displayed throughout his career. Not even looking at the level of growth he's displayed as a fighter, we're talking about a guy who has fought at a high level since at least 2007 when I first got reintroduced to MMA. He's fought everybody under the sun and only two guys have managed to put him down and out; Stipe Miocic and JDS. That includes fights with Overeem (three times), Cain Velasquez, Mark Hunt, Fedor, Big Foot, Andrei Arlovski, Big Nog (twice), Travis Browne (twice) and Gabriel Gonzaga. All of that is to lead into the obvious; at SOME point this dude is going to crack. He's over 40, fought three times last year and might fight three more times this year given how often the UFC calls upon him. It's just the nature of the human body to EVENTUALLY erode from prolonged damage. Volkov isn't blessed with the one hitter quitter that can put a dude out on impact but he is very active and aggressive. It probably wouldn't happen early but if this fight drags, accumulation of damage could be a serious problem.

4- So this main card is actually not bad considering it's a European Fight Pass card. Werdum/Volkov is a really good HW fight (and the winner probably is facing the winner of Lewis/Ngannou for a #1 contender spot), Blachowicz/Manuwa I was an awful fight but this is a relevant fight between big dudes at 205 lbs including one dude who will always be a "maybe sorta" #1 contender type because he creates highlight reels. Peter Sobotta vs Leon Edwards isn't the world's sexiest fight on paper but Sobotta has really turned his career around since coming back to the UFC and he seems really confident in his hands right now. On the other hand, Leon Edwards has lost his fight finishing spark but still has fights which suggest he's growing somewhat as a fighter. Even Duquesnoy/Ware should be tons of fun. The prelim slate is just so "UFC Fight Pass in Europe" level that it really dampens the excitement. Brett Johns getting on this card wouldve been huge for him.

5- Jan Blachowicz has sort of had a chance to mentally reset his stock on the lower half of the 205 lb division and gets rocketed RIGHT back up the top of the division. Blachowicz has really struggled around this level with losses to Pat Cummins (in a fight he could've won), Jimi Manuwa (fight he should've won), Alexander Gustafsson (in a fight he probably shouldn't of taken) and Corey Anderson. The level of competition there is pretty intense and it's not like Jan has been completely outstyled in those fights. He's just NOT on that level (or wasn't enough to win those fights). He gets a second crack at Manuwa now.

6- I'm really beginning to lose faith in Danny Roberts as a prospect. On the regional circuit, he always seemed to put himself in various states of peril but it seemed to be more out of inexperience. In the UFC, he's continued to put himself in bad spots defensively and his chin has been cracked on a number of opportunities. Dominique Steele had him hurting in a bad way, Mike Perry finished him in a fight where Roberts just couldn't get out of the way for a fifteen minute period, Bobby Nash had Roberts all sorts of thrown off before Danny Roberts finished him off and Nordine Taleb finished Roberts in violent fashion in December. Roberts draws Swedish karate ace Oliver Enkamp in a pivotal fight for both guys.

7- Can Leon Edwards somehow finish Peter Sobotta and keep pace with the other 170 lbers who seem to all be getting their careers on the right track?

8- If Leon Edwards wins, do they try to put him vs Ponz in Chile? I really like Edwards but since nearly finishing Claudio Silva and smelting Seth Baczynski, he's had 6 fights and gone to a decision in all but one of them. There's really no reason somebody with his tools should be so....not fun. His fights are heading in the opposite direction at a time where Kamaru Usman, Darren Till, Ponz, Max Griffin, Elizeu Zaleski, Jake Matthews, Mike Perry and others in that "fun new WW to care about" are all having damn fun fights.

9- All Magomed Ankalaev has to do is finish his fight and be the savior of 205 lbs. It's not asking too much.

10- Alright Mark Godbeer, what stupid shit you gonna get yourself into this time?

11- So about the Godbeer fight, maybe this exposes my lack of knowledge but I could not tell you the differences between Dmitry Sosnovskiy and Dmitry Poberezhets, the guy who was originally scheduled to fight Godbeer. The UFC seems to have like a bevy of heavyweights who they signed but can't seem to actually get to get into the cage, it's almost infuriating if you're one of those OCD guys who wants to keep up with everything going on.

12- Stevie Ray getting a new contract to try and smelt Kajan Johnson is very UFC of the UFC. It's almost like a Batman TAS plot from the Joker.

Must Wins

1- Fabricio Werdum

I feel like all of Werdum fights are must win given how much trouble he seems to bring with him. The last time we saw Werdum, he was throwing boomerangs at folks and shouting out Chechen warlords while also decisioning a very good HW in Marcin Tybura. The time before that he took a fight on thirty minutes notice vs Walt Harris and was caught on camera using the unacceptable f word in Spanish like six times. Werdum vs Volkov is a great HW fight that pits the old dog in the race vs the seasoned in his prime pro who is peaking. Good fight but a must win for the always controversial Werdum.

2- Tom Duquesnoy

This entire thing is tailor made for Duquesnoy. He's getting a guy coming off two losses who is a glorified opponent. He's in Europe, he's on the main card and this entire showcase is built to make him look good and like the star. He truly cannot fuck this up.

3- Magomed Ankalaev

Mr. Ankalaev, I do not know you. I do not necessarily believe I have to know you at this point. All I know is you're a new light heavyweight. God speed, my dude.

Five Can't Miss Fights

1- Alexander Volkov vs Fabricio Werdum

2- Tom Duquesnoy vs Terrion Ware

3- Hakeem Dawodu vs Danny Henry

4- Jack Marshmann vs Brad Scott

5- John Phillips vs Charles Byrd

#MMA #UFC #Fight Pass #Manuwa #Blachowicz #Werdum #Volkov

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d2kvirus · 3 years

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Dickheads of the Month: November 2020

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of November 2020 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

Nobody was expecting Donald Trump to concede defeat gracefully, but bloody hell, between the completely batshit insane conspiracy theory bollocks from himself and the rancid Trump offspring to Rudy Giuliani making complete fools of themselves even before he had to give a press conference from the parking lot of a landscaping firm as nobody checked which Four Seasons it was, before threatening to outlaw Twitter because people made fun of his little table (yes, that sentence does make sense), nobody could have expected just how tempramental toddlers are now thinking it's a bit much

...although somehow the Tory government managed to have an even worse response, because not only did posting a boilerplate jpeg to congratulate Joe Biden for his victory the laziest response possible, but then it turned out that they only had a celebratory jpeg for a Trump victory and hastily edited it on Paint so that Biden’s name was on there, but did a cack-handed job of it even though a.) Common sense dictates you have one for each candidate ready in advance, and b.) Given they had several days to accept which way the wind was blowing, the fact they did the most cack-handed job says everything you need to know

Smirking cretin Priti Patel has bullied Home Office staff and, having initially tried to bury the report, the best the Tory government could come up with to try and make this go away was claim that she was bullying her subordinates by accident while proven liar Boris Johnson claimed she had done nothing wrong, numerous members of the Tory government either said that as they hadn’t seen her bullying anyone she must be innocent or tried claiming she was “accused” of bullying instead of found guilty of bullying, and to top it all off we had Michael Gove’s wife Sarah Vine accused anyone calling Patel of being a bully racist while Alison Pearson said Patel can’t be a bully as she isn’t tall enough. Also, did I mention this came out during national Bullying Week?

...and just a thought for Jess Phillips after she decided to weigh in, considering it’s on record that you bullied Diane Abbott (and have gleefully said how you told her to “Fuck off” on various occasions) it's not a good idea for you to try and act as you’re above bullying as you will get called out for your hypocrisy

Murderer Amanda Knox thought it would be a really funny joke to suggest that, no matter what the election result, the next four years couldn’t be as bad as the four years she spent studying abroad. You know, those four years where she murdered Meredith Kercher and got away with it

So it turns out that the moral compass of the Tory government says that it is fine for Dominic Cummings to be happy to sacrifice the elderly if it protects the economy during a pandemic while displaying that he doesn’t know how herd immunity works, purging 21 MPs from the party for not buying into his No Deal Britait Jonestown, siphoning hundreds of millions of pounds into the pockets of his mates in various dodgy contracts, or flagrantly violating the lockdown rules by driving several hundred miles to Durham (where he owns a house he doesn't pay council tax for) after testing positive for Covid - but as soon as he calls Carrie Symonds “Princess Nut Nuts” he’s out the door...for a staged photo op, even though he is remaining in his job until December, which is when he was going to leave anyway

...and we should mention Laura Kuenssberg bullishly stating that Cummings was going nowhere in the wake of Lee Cain being told he could leave when his contract is up in December but they want to make it look like he is being fired, but within twelve hours saying that Cummings would always be leaving in December as a blog post in January stated, which not only asks if anyone has checked the archived version of that blog in case any edits were made in mid-November, but also how she can justify her £290k a year salary if she can get a story that badly wrong that Cummings’ blog disagreed with her

There’s a reason why Lindsey Graham isn't popular in the Senate and it isn’t because he questions if Biden won the election, it's because he’s telling people to “misplace” the votes for Biden which they are counting so that Trump could claim that he won Georgia instead of losing Georgia, demanding a recount, then losing Georgia

Once again proven liar Boris Johnson demonstrated that lockdown rules apply to the little people but not to him or his inner circle, as he met with fellow Tory MP Lee Anderson in person rather than via Zoom as the lockdown rules state, didn't wear a mask as lockdown rules state, and clearly didn’t social distance as a picture of him with Anderson taken during the meetings shows they are not two metres apart as lockdown rules state, which means that he had to spend two weeks self-isolating as a direct result

Has anyone told Keir Starmer that The Board of Deputies weren’t on the ballot for Labour leadership? Because by his performative act of refusing to restore the party whip to Jeremy Corbyn after his performative suspension, which he did after the BoD stamped their feet and demanded the whip not be restored, he’s not doing a good job of demonstrating leadership

First of all it was news that Steve Bannon uses Twitter, as surely he should have flounced off for Parler years ago. But secondly, the real news is how he used his Twitter account to call for Anthony Fauci to be beheaded - at which point he suddenly couldn’t use his Twitter account anymore

According to Iain Duncan Smith putting the UK into a second lockdown is “giving in to the scientific advisors” as if during a pandemic, which the last time I checked was a scientific matter, you should instead be listening to Julia Halfwit-Brewer, Dan Wootton, Alison Pearson or Isabel Oakeshott rather than people qualified to talk about what to do in the face of a global pandemic

Nice Guy Rishi Sunak proposed a return of Eat Out To Help Out for Christmas. You know, the thing which has been directly linked with causing a spike in Covid numbers in August?

Tory arrogance was neatly summed up by George Eustace casually saying that, if Lurpak didn’t want to incur the massive price hikes of Britain crashing out of the EU without a paddle, all they have to do is move their entire base of operations to the UK

The fact that Disney have been trying to justify their refusal to even issue royalty statements to Alan Dean Foster for his novelisations of the Star Wars and Alien franchises and have simply been pocketing the revenue made by the books continued sales by claiming they only purchased the license and not the liability, which is a particularly unique interpretation of copyright law

It was only a matter of time before The Daily Mail started trying to create dirt about Marcus Rashford because he has the sheer gall to say that feeding children is not a bad thing, which they did by reporting the horrors of him...buying a house for his mother

Twitter troll Ben Bradley had a stellar month, first by standing up in Commons and asking why there isn't a Minister for Women while also showing a terrifying inability to understand what equality is, and soon followed that up by quoting Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech by claiming that it was about equality - only for Bernice King to tell him that, no, her father’s speech was about eliminating racism from our society

I think that it's time for The Daily Express to admit that, when they're running articles saying that it’s Remainers who are to blame for Trump getting dumped onto the street, that maybe they have a problem

The Streisand Effect still hasn’t reached WWE judging by their continuing to double down on demanding their employees independent contractors stop earning money via third-party platforms manifested in their releasing Thea Trinidad from her contract in spite her Twitch account always being under her real name and not her WWE moniker of Zelina Vega

It was a coincidence that the Jewish Labour Movement decided to hold their annual conference on the Palestinian Day of Solidarity. Of course it was...

This month it was Fin Taylor who demonstrated just how far from satire HIGNFY has strayed with his “Bomb Glastonbury and kill all Jeremy Corbyn supporters” joke in response to Joan Bakewell lying about Corbyn breaking the law - and, afterwards, Taylor was generally being a smug twat about it on his Twitter - which also serves to show how Tim Davie is fine with booking comedians whose acts have plenty of questionable content contained within it if it guarantees the Tories escape criticism

This month’s example of Steve Baker making himself a walking punchline with no self-awareness came from him howling that further lockdown measures would be a violation of terms set out by the European Convention on Human Rights - yes, the exact same convention that Baker has a.) Repeatedly accused of meddling with British affairs and is an example of the EU nanny state, and b.) Frowns upon things such as Steve Baker repeatedly voting against allowing child refugees to be reunited with their families

Nothing says “worker happiness” quite like GameStop running a competition for their stores to post Tik Tok dances where the store which is voted the winner receives prizes such as an Amazon Echo, a Visa gift card, and the privilege of working an additional ten hours during the week of Black Friday. Wait, did I say “worker happiness”? I meant to say “Dickensian shithousery” where employees are expected to compete so they can work more hours

Of course the “We’re not racist”s of Twitter had an issue with Sainsburys Christmas ad because it didn’t appeal to white men due to having a black family, in much the same way that Compare the Market’s ads don't appeal to white men as they’re not Russian meerkats

Professional victim Laurence Fox thought it would be a good idea to get into a slanging match with The Pogues while lying that Fairytale of New York would be banned from the airwaves. It went about as well as could be expected

It wouldn’t be Remembrance Day without The Sun or The Daily Mail exploiting it for some obvious ragebait, and this year was no exception with both “papers” posting a photo of Extinction Rebellion posting with a banner in front of the Cenotaph protesting climate change - a photo taken two days earlier, but they held off on posting it until the day itself to get the rage flowing, because they needed something as neither Jeremy Corbyn nor Meghan Markle were within a mile of Whitehall

This month it was Ernest Cline who demonstrated a lack of understanding of the Streisand Effect by ordering DMCA takedowns on anyone who posted an excerpt of Ready Player Two online, which mainly served to help the internet realise which the actual excerpts were and which the parody versions were - because it was pretty hard to tell them apart otherwise...

“I’ve been silenced”, shrieked Suzanne Moore in an interview with the Telegraph, fatally undermining her argument in the process. Funny how the people who have been “silenced” keep doing that, isn’t it?

Because we haven’t heard anything idiotic from Jake Paul in a while, Jake Paul decided to say Covid isn’t real and flu has killed just as many people. So I give it a week before his older brother Logan feels he has to one-up this and say the Holocaust was fake...

And finally, not for much longer, is Donald Trump and his complicity in trying to organise a coup - but not a very good coup, as his minions at Fox News had to exaggerate how many people were actually protesting about him losing an election and crying about it - which was further undermined by his inability to tell Michigan and Minnesota apart

#dickheads of the month

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jeparlelibremente · 6 years

Text

Demian (Hesse)

“There was the world of my parents’ house, or rather, it was even more circumscribed and embraced only by my parents themselves. This world was familiar to me in almost every aspect - it meant mother and father, love and severity, model behaviour and school...”

“The other world, however, also began in the middle of our own house and was completely different; it smelt different, spoke a different language, made different claims and promises. This second world was peopled with servant girls and workmen, ghost stories and scandalous rumours, a gay tide of monstrous, intriguing, frightful, mysterious things; it included the slaughter house and the prison, drunken and scolding women, cows in labour, foundered horses, tales of housebreaking, murder and suicide...”

Spoiler alert for the book in question

The dichotomy of Hesse’s narrator runs through the novel with singular accuracy; we are reminded, again and again of these two worlds that exist only as his own creation - and this is important: the problem is philosophical, existential. Hesse virtually gives this up in the prologue chapter, at any rate - analysis and interpretation not even necessary. But it’s crucial to bear this in mind, because I wanted to talk about why this theme is recurring in Hesse’s work; his books are populated with narrators plagued by internal crisis, who endure an entire lifetime of misery before eventual catharsis and denouement. “Misery” here may imply some tone, but it would be hard to classify them as happy or unhappy, they seem to exist only to deliver a kind of weapons grade ideology of psychoanalytic reflection right into the mind of the reader. And I would be hard pressed to name another writer who can peel back the layers of the human psyche as easily as Hesse. The Nobel Prize in literature has at times been controversial, but few would doubt the place of Hesse in the pantheon of the Western Canon. How many authors have even remotely tried, successfully, to explain the meaning of life? Siddartha isn’t even parable or metaphor, synecdoche or analogy; it is the eponymous character embarking on a quest to determine the meaning of life. And just like Sinclair in Demian, the tale is driven by an existential thirst: something is wrong, this is not enough, there must be more. More what?

In 1930 Freud published Civilisation and Its Discontents and began to tackle a problem that must have taken root in his mind even as he formed the early theories of psychoanalysis: the drives of the id are fundamentally incompatible with the principles of a peaceful civilisation - how does the ego mediate between the id and the super-ego? It’s one of the most unfortunate paradoxes of our species that as math enables us to connect more broadly and more rapidly, many of us are losing the ability connect on any deeply intimate emotional level; we marry the wrong spouses out of anxiety of loneliness, we surround ourselves with acquaintances but struggle to make ourselves understood. We’re screaming in a vacuum and nobody can hear. We suffocate. We suffer needlessly. We turn to Tinder and see profiles of “ENTJ” replacing dialogue and passionate conversation. Don’t get me wrong; online dating profiles only give you so much resolution to work with, and you’re going to need to write something - but so few people seem ever able to progress beyond this point. They attach themselves to someone, anyone, simply because they are there. There may be little attraction, shared interests, chemistry, humour - but - as an object, an abstraction, an idea - this person will do. We have increasing divorce rates and more pictures of our kids and failed relationships on Facebook and Instagram then ever before. We didn’t even have Facebook and Instagram before. People reflexively marry in order to post the relevant pictures to the relevant social media sites and tick the relevant boxes. Then what? The prognosis is poor; misery begets misery, and our children are learning unconsciously to mimic this behaviour. Disaster. And who is to blame for all of this?

Everyone at some point in their lives has to kill their parents. Youthful teenage rebellion is a psychologically fulfilling necessity. You need to individuate - the truth is you’re going to be carrying a lot of baggage (negative connotation not necessarily implied) and you will need to take responsibility for this. Understanding oneself is an extraordinarily difficult thing to do - by the time we have the cognitive faculties to do so, our impulses and instincts, attachments and transferences are so keenly developed that un-rooting them takes considered effort - I know all too well how extremely difficult this process is. Putting your finger on some unconscious instinct is like trying to thread a needle in the dark. Exhausting. Sleep, repeat. People are who are treated really badly by their parents tend to develop problematical personalities; borderline personality disorder has only increased in diagnostic rate; and it is only a description of behaviour, not even a real diagnosis with somatic malfunction to point to! Narcissism is even worse: modern psychiatry has very little to say about our increasing divorce rates and failed relationships. Why, after five years of marriage do you want to stab your husband in the face when he laughs in just that particular way? Take solace: the problem is not your husband, the problem is you. Or perhaps the problem is both of you. Either way, this is not the person you were supposed to spend your life with. People say monogamy is unnatural, but in truth this is an intellectualisation with one goal: to avoid making any concrete decisions. If you don’t make a choice with consequences then what have you risked? And in the perverse interpretation of narcissism, what does your partner choice say about you? The alternative is to frantically pick someone, anyone, and run with it. If it doesn’t work out (it won’t) you can always un-friend them and un-tag all your photos together. It is this invisible fourth wall that is causing your frustrations. Your inability to meld to another persons well-being. I am not anti-social media, I am anti-you not understanding why you repeat the same patterns over and over in despair.

“I was glad my father upbraided me about my muddy shoes. It side-stepped the issue, the graver sin passed unnoticed and I got away with a reproach which I secretly transferred to the other affair. In so doing, a strange new feeling lit up inside me, an unpleasant, ruthless feeling, full of barbs - I felt superior to my father!”

Sinclair knows from the beginning that something is wrong; the opening passages of this essay are taken from Chapter Start. I feel like it’s low hanging-fruit to look at Sinclair’s remarks about his father and then look at Freud and back again; and besides, his mum tries to comfort him after the ordeal with Franz Komer begins, and Sinclair doesn’t really display any Oedipal tendencies - his refusal to eat the chocolate she brings can be seen as a pattern of positioning himself to move away from his parents. Max Demians’ initial appearance is a convenient way to Deus Ex Machina dear old Franz out of the picture, but by this point it is already too late: Sinclair has tasted the forbidden fruit of knowledge (that Franz Kromer can so easily trick Sinclair should not be lost on the reader: Sinclair’s naivety shines through) Whoops. Also, this is... kind of the titular character. He wasn’t about to slink away. Sinclair and Demian hang out, they talk about stuff in a way that probably only Nietszche would find amusing. Sinclair is semi-infatuated, retreats back to the safety of his parents and sisters (take note that he has no brother, yet attends boys’ schools) and goes back to study. He learns about interpretation, and begins to think deeply about the character of a man. He sympathises with Cain, and not Abel. This is important: it is the first time his intellect has demonstrated the ability to abstract, it lets him reason with symbols: semiotics is the basis for metaphor. “You mean the mark isn’t a literal mark?” Demian says some edgy stuff with one common theme: be true to thyself.

Several years and puberty later, and cue boarding school. Sinclair is going out and getting wasted, his talk is cynical. He is deeply, deeply alone. He knows all the right moves to make socially, but he connects with no one. Grades are bad, and his old friends are trying to distance themselves from him. That’s ok, he’s made a lot of new ones - that he feels nothing for. Uh oh. For a book written in 1919, this is starting to look a lot like... us.

Part 2 soon.

#books #literature #hesse #demian

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awed-frog · 7 years

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Hi, love your writing! 3 questions: what is your favorite thing about deancas and their dynamic, and when do you think they realized they were in love? Do you think either have any idea the other feels the same?

Hi there! Thank you so much! So, those are some meaty questions - let’s see.

What I love about Dean and Cas’ dynamic is that it was both fate and free will that made it happen, and since I’m a big believer in both, that really works for me. Like, the fact they even met is completely absurd, on a DESTINY LIVES HERE scale, because angels hadn’t gotten involved in people’s lives for generations, and so many dominos had to fall exactly the right way (or, well - the wrong way) for Dean to end up in Hell and out of all the angels who’re left up there, Cas is the one who got him out? And yet at the same time, there was never anything forced in it - Dean had been constructed, narratively speaking, as someone who would never be talked into even being friends with an angel (see his issues with faith, religion, and trust, also his fear of flying - and I’m now wondering, of course, if all of that was put there from the beginning because they had this vague idea that Sam would end up with a demon which meant Dean had to end up with an angel, but who knows), and Cas, for all his love for humanity, didn’t really understand the first thing about it and was engineered to follow orders and shut up, so - to me, that’s the very best of love stories - some kind of magic, of pull, making these two characters from very different worlds meet for the first time but after that, it’s all up to them and nobody’s forcing them to be together - not narrative structure, not fear, not lack of other options - they just learn how to be with each other and why they want to be with each other, and it’s mostly very beautiful to watch.

As for when they realized something wasn’t quite right - my headcanon’s always been that Dean had to come to terms with his own feelings at the end of S6, when Cas died, because Dean had been acting weird all season, but I’m not sure he’d fully understood why Cas’ apparent betrayal mattered so much to him, and when he looks down at Cas’ corpse and just mutters, You child - I think that’s when it hit him. And, of course, part of what cuts so deep, and one of the reasons Dean basically gives up on ever getting Cas back when Cas becomes God, is that Cas has gone where Dean can’t reach him - that he’s boxed Dean back into that position he hated growing up, because by becoming his own Father, Cas also sort of became John - the guy who thought he knew everything and expected Dean to obey and shut up - the guy who was mostly untouchable because he was older and stronger and Dean’s dad, and what can you even do against your own dad? And Cas knew how Dean felt about all of this, and still, he chose the John way, and that was devastating for Dean, but - despite all of this, Dean must have told himself, at least he’s not dead, and the fact he was still justifying Cas, forgiving Cas, like he’d done for the entire S6, after a life that’s taught him giving second chances to people is Dangerous - yeah, that’s when he realized he was fucked, I think. And as for Cas - I don’t think Cas’ extrememely self-aware (angelic nature and all that), so I’m going to say - the crypt scene, when he went against a direct order from Heaven because - I don’t know my ass. That’s when Cas started to piece it together, and the thing was so new and terrifying that he fled, which makes sense, because Cas’ been observing Earth for millennia and he’s seen what loves does to people - it makes you trust the wrong person, it hurts, it turns you weak and unfocused - and all of those are inconvenient problems for a normal guy but deadly mistakes for a soldier, which Cas still considers himself to be. He can’t fight well if he’s worried about Dean all the time, and he can’t fight smart if his reasoning is clouded by feelings.

And the main question now is, of course, do they know?

What I think is, they do and they don’t. They realize the other person has done things which only make sense if Big Feelings are involved, but, on the other hand, they both live in a world where sacrificing yourself for allies and strangers is commonplace and the done thing, and that makes it easier to listen to those other voices instead - self-doubt and guilt and self-hatred telling them, day in and day out, that they’re simply not good enough, not worthy of being loved by anyone, and especially not by this other special person [the Righteous Man / a damn angel, wings and all].

I think Cas gave it his best shot in S9, and I include the fanfiction gap in that - they were so sad and resigned when they separated the next morning - I think something happened that night, not necessarily Something, but we can logically assume they shared a motel room, and we know Cas was very nearly suicidal and Dean all beaten up, so I believe that some kind of Gesture happened - maybe Cas tried to come clean about his own feelings, but did it badly and Dean could pretend not to understand, or maybe there was some kind of physical contact that was interrupted and never picked up again - who knows. But after that night, after that disastrous ‘date’ complete with winking over beers a few weeks later, Cas suddenly gets very focused about becoming an angel again, and I think that (among other things) was him giving up on the hope of a ‘normal’ and ‘human’ relationship with Dean and trying to get back at something he used to be half good at (being an angel) instead of clinging on to something he felt was very bad at (being human).

And Dean - Dean did see that flirting, because he’d tried very hard to tell Cas the truth in S8 - in fact, he’d come very close to that I love you he’d never said to anyone before back in that crypt - and Cas had just - walked away, just as he’d ignored him in Purgatory, just as he’d made clear, time and time again, that he was mostly busy with Important, World-Changing Things Dean, a mere human, could not hope to even understand. And that’s why I think Dean turned down Cas in S9 - partly because he knew he was no good for Cas, that Cas deserved a full shot at a human life away from all the shit Dean’s would always be mired into, but partly also because to Dean, this was Cas suddenly wanting him back after years of keeping him at a distance, which, to Dean, translated not as an I finally realized that weird thing in my stomach was love and man, human bodies are trippy, but as an I’m scared and alone and I don’t know who else to turn to so suddenly you don’t seem so bad, which, to be fair, is not the ideal foundation for any relationship. And next, of course, Dean got infected with the Mark of Cain, and became even more determined to stay the fuck alone, because messy death ahead and all that, and then in S11 Cas was even lower than he’d been when that suicide angel had tried to kill him, and, again, depression’s not a good place to start a new relationship from, and thus the seesaw went on and on and on, and now - I don’t see that much has changed, to be honest - they’re both so in love with the other it physically hurts to have them in the same scene together, but they’re both so low on self-esteem they keep seing each other as a disappointing second choice - Cas probably thinks Dean wants to find himself a Busty Asian Lady and have kids, and Dean knows Cas longs to be forgiven by his brothers and get his wings back, so - it’s an impasse. As I said in other metas, I believe the only way out of this is the intervention of a third party, but that, of course, would make the whole thing textual, and who knows if they’re ever going to go there. So, well - personally, all I can do is pretend to be angry at all of this when I’m really just deeply, profoundly sad, and keep writing my silly stories - my hiatus fic, for instance, is precisely about all of this - how Cas’ temporary death will force both of them to take a hard look at their own feelings and decide what to do, once and for all.

#ask #destiel meta #destiel #deancas #destiel fanfiction #spn wishlist #destiel: the road so far

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