#101 ways to say i love you with actions

[massivedrickhead]

99 for the prompt please.

99. Starting a family with them.

Words: 3673

Notes: Once again, I'm sorry it took so long to write this prompt request. I didn't intend for it to be this long, but once I started writing I realised it was a universe I wanted to spend more time in. So if people like it, I would be up for writing more.

Read on AO3

101 ways to say I love you with actions

Beca and Chloe hung back, hovering by the doorway of the newly decorated bedroom, watching as twelve-year-old Levi looked around the room. His hand was tightly gripping the strap of his backpack as if afraid it would be whipped away from him at any second.

He looked so much older than he was. Looking at him it was hard to believe he wasn’t even a teenager yet.

“We can paint it a different colour,” Chloe blurted out, never one to deal with silence very well. “If you don’t like grey. We thought neutral would be best but-”

Beca gently elbowed her in the ribs, and she stopped rambling. Chloe was radiating nervous energy, and Beca didn’t want Levi to pick up on it.

It had all been leading up to this moment. The application forms, the meetings, home visits, parenting classes, all of it had been leading up to this. 

They had met Levi a few times now, but this was his first night in their home. In his new home. If it all went well… 

They both knew things could still go wrong, they were still a long way off from adoption, but this felt like the biggest step they’d taken so far. 

They were both so excited to be finally starting their family. Both so terrified that they were going to mess it all up.

“The colour’s fine,” Levi said, still looking around the room. It wasn’t big, but it was comfortable. Clean and tidy, still smelling of fresh paint. “It’s nice.”

There was a bookcase in the corner that was empty save for a few used paperbacks they thought he might like, mostly ones Beca had gotten from her dad when she was a teenager. 

Under the window was an empty desk with a chair tucked neatly underneath, and a wardrobe and chest of drawers lined the wall opposite a double bed. A nightstand stood on either side of the bed. An alarm clock on one side, a lamp on the other.

“It’s a little bare right now,” Chloe said, her nerves bubbling up again in the silence. “But we thought maybe you’d like to pick things out for yourself? We could take a trip to IKEA or something at the weekend? Maybe we could get you some new clothes too while we’re out if you like? We’ve already bought you a few bits, but we don’t know what you like to wear or-”

Another elbow in the side from Beca.

“Or we could get it for you,” Beca said, her voice calm in comparison to Chloe’s babbling, “if you don’t want to come. I know I hated shopping when I was your age.”

“You still hate shopping,” Chloe said. 

“Very true,” Beca agreed. 

“IKEA sounds like fun,” Levi said. “I’ve never got to pick out my own things before.”

Chloe beamed. “Awesome!”

“We’re gonna let you get settled in,” Beca said. “I need to check in with work, and Chloe is going to finish up dinner. Come and find us if you need anything, okay?”

“Yeah,” Levi said, looking relieved to be given some alone time. “Um, thanks.”

“Mac and cheese for dinner!” Chloe said, brightly. “Ice cream and a movie after, if you eat all your veggies!”

Levi pulled a face. “Veggies?”

“Oh, Chloe will make us eat vegetables with almost every meal, dude. It’s really the only thing that’s wrong with her,” Beca said.

Chloe whacked her playfully on the arm, and Levi laughed before he could stop himself.

“Make yourself at home, okay kid?” Beca said. Levi nodded, and Beca smiled at him before leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

Instead of going into the kitchen, Chloe followed Beca into her office.

“It seems to be going well,” Chloe said, starting to pace as soon as Beca sat down at her desk. “Right? Like he seems to like it.”

“Yeah,” Beca said, looking up from her computer, watching Chloe walking in circles around the room. “So far so good.”

“Am I being too much? Like, overbearing? I don’t want to be weird and freak him out.”

Beca smiled. “You aren’t being weird. You’re making me dizzy with all the pacing, but you aren’t being weird. You aren’t too much.”

“I’m just so nervous,” Chloe said, wringing her hands.

Beca stood from her desk, and placed her hands on Chloe’s shoulders, stopping her from pacing. “I know,” Beca said. “So am I, and I bet he is too. It’s normal to be nervous when you care about something this much.”

“What if he hates it here? What if he tries to run away like he did at his last foster home? What if we can’t do this, Bec?”

Beca’s hands moved from Chloe’s shoulders to cup her face. “Take a breath,” she said, trying to get Chloe to hold eye contact with her. “We can do this. We know why he ran away from his last home, and we aren’t going to treat him like that, are we?”

Chloe shook her head, tears brimming in her eyes. “Of course not.”

“He isn’t going to have any reason to want to run away from us, and he isn’t going to have any reason to hate it here. I’m sure we’re going to make mistakes, it feels like we’re starting at level 5 of a video game without playing the tutorial first, but I know us. I know we can do this. I know you can do this. Let’s be the parents he never got the chance to have, yeah?”

Chloe swallowed and nodded. “Yeah,” she said, hastily wiping at the tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think I’d start spiralling so quickly.”

“It’s okay,” Beca said, kissing her forehead. “You don’t need to be sorry. You feel this way because you care a lot, and that’s a good thing. I’m sure I’m gonna have my freak-out moments, and I know you’ll be there to talk me down.”

“We’re going to need to plan them so we don’t both have a meltdown at the same time,” Chloe said, causing Beca to laugh.

“I’ll put a schedule up on the fridge.” She kissed Chloe again, and let her hands drop. “I’m gonna go finish dinner.”

“I thought you had to work?”

“It can wait,” Beca said. “Take a few minutes to get yourself grounded again and then come help me?”

Chloe smiled and nodded. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

-

“Levi, dinner’s ready!” Chloe called into the hall, spooning mac and cheese onto plates. 

Beca was setting the table, putting down placemats and cutlery, her heart soaring as she finally got to set the table for three instead of two.

Levi came into the room and hovered near the door, as if unsure where he should go.

Chloe smiled at him. “Can you grab some glasses out of that cabinet and put them on the table?” She asked him.

He nodded and did what she asked, placing three glasses on the table by a pitcher of water. Beca took the plates from Chloe, and placed one on each mat, glancing at Levi who still seemed uncertain.

“Have a seat wherever you’d like,” Beca said, sitting down in her usual spot. Levi hesitated for a moment before he took a seat next to Beca.

“Okay, dig in,” Chloe said, sitting opposite Beca, smiling as she watched her start removing the broccoli from her own plate and putting it on Chloe’s. “What did I say about eating veggies?”

“And what did I say about making me eat broccoli?”

“It’s good for you,” Chloe said, doing her best to look stern.

“Yeah, it tastes good for me,” Beca replied. Levi laughed, and Beca felt it in her chest.

“Do I need to start hiding it in the mac and cheese again?” Chloe asked.

“Not if you want us to stay married,” Beca said, smirking as she watched Chloe trying not to laugh. 

“Hmm, how could I cope without you? What would I do if there was no one hogging all the bed space and letting dishes pile up in their office? I don’t know if I could live that way,” Chloe said, her eyes twinkling at Beca as Levi continued to laugh.

“Ouch,” Beca said. “You’re making me look bad.”

“Maybe next time you’ll just eat your greens.”

They bantered back and forth while they ate, and Chloe felt the nerves she’d been carrying for the last few weeks begin to slowly dissipate. He was here. He was finally home, eating dinner with them, laughing at Beca’s lame jokes.

It had been over a year since she had Beca had decided that adoption was the way they wanted to start their family together, and a little under a year since they’d decided they wanted to adopt an older kid. A kid that was more likely to get lost in the system until they aged out of it. 

It had been stressful and emotional, but they’d made it this far. They were parents now. 

“I’m stuffed,” Levi said, putting his knife and fork down. 

“Not too stuffed for ice cream though, right?” Beca asked. 

He shook his head and grinned again. 

“I can still see something green on your plate,” Chloe said.

“Don’t worry, I got this,” Beca mumbled to Levi. “Hey, Chloe, what’s that behind you?”

Chloe rolled her eyes but turned anyway, and Beca took the piece of broccoli from Levi’s plate and put it on Chloe’s.

“Now who hasn’t eaten all her vegetables?” Beca asked.

“Don’t laugh, you’ll just encourage her,” Chloe said as Levi practically giggled beside her. It was a contagious laugh and Chloe couldn’t help but join in. 

Beca gathered their plates and piled them into the dishwasher before getting the ice cream out of the freezer.

“What movie are we watching?” She asked. “Also, Levi, do you want mint chocolate chip or strawberry shortcake? Or I think we have some vanilla buried in here somewhere?”

“Um, mint please,” he said, standing to help Chloe clear the table.

“Atta boy,” Beca said, scooping out the mint for herself and Levi, followed by the strawberry shortcake for Chloe.

“Go get comfy on the sofa,” Chloe said to Levi. “You can start picking a movie. We’ve got Disney Plus, Netflix, Prime, the whole lot.”

“We have too many,” Beca added. 

Levi dropped onto one of the sofas and started scrolling through Disney Plus.

“All good?” Beca asked Chloe quietly. 

Chloe nodded, and let her head rest on Beca’s shoulder briefly. “You made him laugh.”

“Yeah,” Beca said. “That felt good. He looked so serious when he got here. So grown up. It was nice seeing him look like a kid again.”

They joined Levi in the living room a few minutes later and Chloe sat on the sofa beside Levi. Beca sat on Chloe’s other side and handed Levi his ice cream.

“Did you pick something?” Beca asked.

“There’s too much choice,” he said with a shake of the head.

“That’s what I’m always saying!” Beca said, her voice triumphant as if she’d just won an argument she was constantly having with Chloe.

“Choice is a good thing,” Chloe countered. “What sort of movies do you usually like?” Levi shrugged. “Comedies? Action? Musicals?”

His eyes flicked in Chloe’s direction.

“You like musicals?” Chloe asked. Levi shrugged again. “Musicals are the best.”

“They’re okay,” Levi said as if he was admitting something embarrassing. He shifted in his seat slightly, his attention focused on his ice cream. “Richard, the, um, the guy from my last foster home, he said musicals were for girls. Girls and fa- I mean, girls and, um, gay people.”

“He doesn’t sound like a very nice guy,” Chloe said, trying to tread carefully.

“He’s also totally wrong,” Beca added. “I’m a girl and I’m gay, and I don’t like musicals.”

Levi grinned, but he didn’t look up from his ice cream. “He was a jerk,” he said. 

“So we probably shouldn’t worry about anything he had to say,” Chloe said. “It doesn’t matter what he thinks, because he isn’t here and you don’t have to deal with him anymore.”

“No one here is going to make you feel bad about the things you like,” Beca said. “You’re… You’re safe here, Levi. I know you really don’t know us yet, but, well, we want to be your parents, or guardians if that’s what you’d prefer. We want to take care of you. And we’re going to keep you safe, especially from big jerks like Richard.”

Levi nodded but didn’t say anything else. He seemed embarrassed and maybe a little uncomfortable, so Chloe turned her attention back to the TV. 

“Have you seen Hamilton?” She asked.

Levi looked up and shook his head.

“You’ll love it,” Chloe said, clicking on it and hitting play. “Even Beca likes Hamilton.”

Halfway through Beca’s phone rang, so Chloe hit pause on the movie and used it as an excuse to stretch her legs and tidy away their empty bowls.

“Sorry, it’s work,” Beca said, answering the call and quickly leaving the room. 

“Do you want a drink or anything?” Chloe asked, carrying the bowls through to the kitchen.

“No thanks,” he said, turning so he was kneeling on the sofa, looking over the back of it at Chloe in the kitchen. He seemed more relaxed now than he had been since he arrived. “Does Beca usually work at night?”

“Sometimes,” Chloe said. “She’s not supposed to, and they aren’t supposed to call her after six anymore.”

“How come?” He asked.

“Because she gets a bit… wrapped up in work. She really loves her job and she’s really good at it, and sometimes she works so hard that she forgets she needs to do other things too.”

“Like what?”

“Like eat, sleep, and spend time with her wife,” Chloe said, glancing towards the door Beca had just left through. 

“She forgets to eat?” Levi asked like he’d never heard anything so crazy.

Chloe laughed at the incredulity in his voice and nodded. “It’s happened more than once.”

“She works in music, right?”

“Uh-huh,” Chloe said, returning to sit beside him on the sofa. “She’s a producer. She helps artists make their songs sound as good as possible.”

“And you’re a vet?” 

“I am,” Chloe said, grinning. “What do you think you might want to do for a job when you’re finished with school?”

Levi shrugged again. “I don’t know. I’m not really good at anything.”

“I don’t believe that for a second,” Chloe said. “I bet there are lots of things you’re good at. But it’s okay if you don’t know what you want to be yet. I didn’t know I wanted to be a vet until after I’d graduated college.”

“You didn’t? What did you want to be before then?”

“I honestly didn’t know,” Chloe said. “Sometimes it takes people a long time to find their calling, and not everybody has one. Beca has known since she was a kid that she wanted to make music, but I didn’t know until after college what I wanted to do. So it’s okay if you don’t know yet. It’s okay if you never know.”

Levi thought for a moment. “I like to draw,” he said.

Chloe’s eyes lit up again. “You do? That’s so cool! Do you have any drawings you can show me?”

“They aren’t very good,” he said, his ears turning red.

“That’s okay,” Chloe said. “They don’t need to be good, as long as you had fun drawing them.”

“I have my sketchbook in my room,” he said.

“You’ll let me look at it?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Um, I’ll go and get it.”

He returned a few minutes later, holding the sketchbook in his hand like it was his most prized possession, which it likely was.

He tapped his fingers against the cover before sitting beside Chloe on the sofa again.

“You don’t have to show me if you don’t want to,” Chloe said, sensing his hesitation.

“No, it’s okay, I want to,” he said. 

He handed over the book and Chloe began carefully turning the pages.

She couldn’t have smiled harder if she tried.

The book was full of drawings of superheroes and comic book characters and even little comic panels he’d drawn up himself.

Chloe could see his drawings improve as she turned the pages. She could see the points when he’d begun to understand proportions and poses. She asked him about the characters, and he seemed embarrassed to admit that he’d come up with a lot of them himself.

“That’s so clever,” Chloe said, turning the pages. “I can’t do anything like this.”

“They aren’t that good,” he said, the tips of his ears glowing red again. “They’re not as good as, like, Spiderman or anyone.”

“Well Stan Lee had to start somewhere,” Chloe said, not wanting to look away from the pages. “What about this guy? What’s his superpower?”

Beca had finished up with her call and had returned to the living room. She leaned against the doorway, her heart practically bursting as she watched Chloe and Levi interact. He was talking to her animatedly now. Excitedly. And she could see the warmth and love in Chloe’s eyes as she hung on his every word.

Chloe glanced up and their eyes met. She was grinning so hard it made Beca want to cry.

Chloe had wanted this for so long. She’d wanted to be a mom, to have a family, for so long. 

“Bec, come look at these, they’re so good,” she said, waving her over to the sofa.

“Is that okay?” Beca asked Levi, who nodded. She took the book from Chloe and started looking through it the same way Chloe had. Handling it like it was made of gold, turning each page carefully. “Dude, these are seriously so cool. You came up with all this stuff by yourself?”

“Yeah,” he said, shifting a little closer to Chloe so he could see what Beca was looking at. He pointed to a character on the page that looked like it was in a particularly complex pose. “That one took me ages.”

“I bet,” Beca said. “It looks like you worked really hard on it.”

“I did,” he said, with something like pride in his voice. Beca wondered how many people he’d shown this to. How many people had praised him on it. She hoped they weren’t the first, but judging by his reactions it couldn’t have been many.

The drawings stopped with only a few blank pages left in the book. “You’re almost out of pages,” Beca said, handing the book back.

“Yeah,” he said with a frown. “I’ve been trying to save them so I don’t run out.”

Beca glanced at Chloe. “We’ll have to get you a new one,” Beca said.

His eyes flicked up again. “Really?”

“Of course,” Chloe said. “We can’t leave you with nothing to draw on.”

“We’ll be giving you an allowance each week,” Beca said. “You can spend it on whatever you want.”

“But maybe this could be an extra treat,” Chloe said. “Call it a welcome home present. I think there’s a Michaels close to IKEA. We could go this weekend when we get the stuff for your bedroom?”

“Can we?” He asked, looking between them.

“Yeah, of course we can,” Beca said. “If you want to.”

“I want to,” he said, his eyes lit up with excitement. “Thank you!”

“And here was me thinking I’d have to beg you to come shopping with me,” Chloe said, grinning at the excitement on Levi’s face. “So, are we gonna finish this movie?”

“Yeah,” Levi said, sitting back down, his attention returning to the screen.

Chloe got comfortable beside him as Beca sat on her other side. Beca took hold of her hand and squeezed as she pressed play on the remote with the other.

When the movie was almost done, Chloe felt her chest get tight as Levi let his head rest on her shoulder. She squeezed Beca’s hand, who glanced over and smiled.

When the credits rolled Levi sat up and stretched.

“Think it might be time for bed,” Beca said, checking her watch and yawning. “Do you want to take a drink of water or something to bed with you Levi?”

“Yes please,” he said, and Beca stood to go and get him one, ruffling his hair as she passed.

“Did you enjoy it?” Chloe asked, turning off the TV.

“Yeah,” he said. “I really liked it.” 

“I’m so glad you like musicals,” Chloe said. “Now I’ll have someone to watch them with.”

“You’re really taking a bullet for me here, dude,” Beca said, handing him his water. 

He took it with a smile and followed them down the hall to his room. 

“We sleep just across the hall,” Chloe said as they hovered in the doorway again. “Come get us if you need anything, okay?”

He nodded and put his glass down on his nightstand. Then, after a few seconds of hesitation, he took a step toward Chloe and wrapped his arms around her. 

She hugged him back quickly, looking at Beca as her eyes filled with tears.

“I’m so happy you’re here, Levi,” she said.

“Me too,” he said.

When the hug ended, he turned and did the same to Beca, catching her slightly off guard. She hugged him back, a hand coming to ruffle through his hair again. 

“Night kid,” she said when the hug was over.

“Night,” he said back.

“Sleep tight,” Chloe said. 

“Thanks,” he said. “Goodnight.”

They closed his door behind them and went into their own room, neither speaking until the door was closed.

“He hugged us,” Chloe said. “He likes us, Bec.”

“Yeah,” Beca said, letting out a shaky laugh of disbelief, tears springing to her eyes. Chloe pulled her into a hug and kissed the side of her head. “I’m so happy he’s here. I’m so happy he’s home.”

“Me too,” Chloe said. “Me too.”

#no matter the timeline #101 ways to say i love you with actions #101 ways to say i love you #bechloe #bechloe prompt #bechloe fluff #domestic bechloe #bechloe prompt request #bechloe fanfiction #bechloe fanfic #bechloe fic #prompt #bechloe au #bechloe parents

[stardustizuku]

Unfortunately I came across a very strange and misinformed video about Black Butler.

It’s not good. Don’t watch it. Unless you wanna ruin your day, in which case have fun.

Despite it all, I watched it. What left me wondering, however, was how off the mark the person who made the video was on, well, everything.

From their insistence that the Book of Circus Arc theme or point is non existent, to reading Ciel’s character so badly they genuinely thought the Green Witch Arc did nothing for his character development.

While baffled, it also made me think on how someone could read Black Butler so badly.

Sure, you can say that there’s no real way to read or interpret something “in the wrong way” but interpreting The Hunger Games as a pure battle-royale action story would make you believe it’s bad.

“Why are we focusing so much on how the capitol preps them?” Or “Why isn’t Katniss winning everything?” Or “I wanna know more about the rebellion” All questions that miss the actual point of the story - which is criticizing (not solving or ignoring) the way that media distracts us from violence via spectacle.

The same thing applies here. While there is no “right” way to consume media, there’s things that the author makes clear they wanna focus when creating a story. Things that, if you understand, make the story you’re reading actually make sense.

And in Black Butler there’s three things that you have to understand to properly get what Yana is saying.

Sebastian is the protagonist

Ciel and Sebastian’s relationship IS the story.

And that relationship is, fundamentally, a positive one.

A quicker version of it would be:

Black Butler is a love story from the POV of Sebastian, and you have to ship it to get it

- but that’s not entirely true.

You can still look at it as a complex but ultimately positive rship and get in broad strokes of what it’s conveying. It doesn’t have to be romantic. Although, it helps much more than a platonic framing.

(That said, interpreting their rship as father and son, still isn’t the best way to go about it. Mostly because by its very nature of “soul consuming” their relationship is extremely sexually charged. And hey, if you’re into that I don’t judge. However, if you’re desperately trying to interpret their rship as NOT romantic to the point you fall back on heteronormative patriarchal ideals of nuclear familiar as framing device, I don’t think this interpretation bodes with you)

Now, having all that ground work:

Why do I say these are the key components to understand BB?

Okay so, first,

1. Sebastian is the Main Character. The protagonist.

There’s a lot of people who wanna argue against it, claiming he’s either the villain or the antagonist. Both wrong.

He does not function as an antagonist. Even if, and an emphasis on if, you consider Ciel to the protagonist, Sebastian isn’t a narrative antagonist.

If you wanna go back to Creative Writing 101, be my guest. An antagonist is directly defined by the protagonist. It’s the opposing force. If the protagonist wants A, the antagonist wants to stop them from getting A.

Sebastian’s catchphrase is “Yes, my Lord”. He never opposes Ciel, in fact quite the contrary. By the mere fact they’ve created contract, it means that they’ve both agreed in the inevitable outcome.

People want to frame Sebastian as the villain, because Ciel having his soul taken by a demon, would be a BAD END in the context of their moral compass. They see Ciel as a frail victim of abuse, who’s being tricked by Sebastian, who wants Ciel’s soul.

Which is an. Interpretation. A bad one. But still one.

The narrative (and whether the narrative fits your personal moral compass and lack of critical thinking is irrelevant) treats Ciel as an agent in his own destiny. The abuse he suffered was the moment in which he had no control. It’s only after he meets Sebastian that he can rid of both his guilt and his despair, and do what he wants.

In this case though, it’s revenge.

The famous “Asthma” scene shows this. If Ciel is taken back to his past, he becomes helpless. Swarmed with pain and memories that make it so that he can’t even react. Sebastian is his saving grace. If Ciel didn’t have him, and the power he wields to rebuilt what’s broken, he would crumble once more.

If Ciel has a panic attack, because of all the pain he has, Sebastian picks him up and says “you are not a helpless child anymore, you are not a victim anymore, you have the power to do anything. So, what do you wanna do?”

Ciel’s answer is to kill them.

A proper analogy would be to say that, if Sebastian offers a gun, Ciel pulls the trigger. They are both at fault. Sebastian, strictly speaking, is not here to directly cause Ciel’s downfall, but as a tool Ciel uses to plunge into the abyss.

If, again if, you were to frame Ciel as a protagonist, Sebastian falls closer to the “Voice of reason” character. Not a literal voice of reason, but a literary one. If you have a protagonist and an antagonist exchanging ideals, the Voice of Reason serves to engage with the protagonist on their own ideals.

That said, Ciel isn’t the protagonist. The story quickly falls apart if you interpret it as such.

Things such as Ciel’s character arc being…shall I say odd?

It’s not that his character arc isn’t there, but it’s never lineal. His goals stay the same, the only thing that happens is that we start to peel back the “why”s of his goals. Throughout the series it’s never about Ciel understanding himself better, he knows who he is, he knows what he wants, he knows why he wants it. He doesn’t ever need to uncover these, but simply remember them. Because it’s always about the audience understanding Ciel.

He knows he wants revenge.

In the Circus Arc: He knows that he needs Sebastian because without him, the pain of the abuse he suffered would be too much to bear. But WE are introduced to it.

In the Book of Atlantis: He knows that with this new lease he does not want happiness and peace, he wants revenge. The one being told this is the audience.

In Green Witch Arc: He knows that their revenge isn’t for his family, the real Ciel or guilt. It’s because he wants it. He’s angry, he’s upset, and this is entirely for him. The one being told this is the audience.

Except. Not really. The one either discovering or remembering these key moments - is always Sebastian.

Sebastian is the one who reassures him that he now holds the power of a demon to override the pain. Sebastian is the one who remembers that to override that pain, Ciel wants revenge. And Sebastian is the one who discovers that that revenge isn’t built out of grief or guilt, but for himself.

We are witnessing it all, through the eyes of Sebastian.

This is why we have an extremely vague idea of who Ciel is, Sebastian does not have the whole picture.

If you haven’t been reading this manga with your eyes closed, you’ll realize we have a better grasp at Sebastian’s character than that of Ciel. We get a lot of insight on how he thinks and what he values through light hearted dialogue he has with the servants. You even see the character development in these little interactions.

Think about how when he first arrived to the mansion he magically created food with no regards to taste, but when he meets Bard he states that food is created to see whoever will eat it, smile.

That is character development, more than you will be able to see from Ciel.

Because Ciel’s character, while not static, doesn’t go from point A to point B. Mostly, cause it doesn’t need to. He went through that when he lost the real Ciel and got Sebastian. Everything we are watching is the falling out.

Now, given the fact that I’ve told you that it makes more sense for Sebastian to be the protagonist/main character, and that he 100% isn’t either a villain or antagonist in ANY of the interpretations you can get:

Do you believe me?

If you don’t, you’ll probably believe Yana herself.

This is from the first Volume, where Yana herself describes the process of making Black Butler. The primary idea behind the creation of BB was a butler as a “hero”.

If you go back to the introductory chapter, you notice that Ciel is barely mentioned. He’s simply the one to give Sebastian impossible tasks and standards that Sebastian must find how to overcome.

Ciel is properly introduced until the NEXT chapter. The second chapter has this formula too, introducing Lizzie as a problem to overcome. Although, to Sebastian the best way to “get rid of the problem” is simply to indulge her.

The issue here being that the problem isn’t as simple as a business meeting but something directly tied to Ciel and Ciel’s past. Each time that Sebastian has to solve a problem, it chips away at Ciel. While with Lizzie he shows a persona, once he’s alone with Sebastian he acknowledges the toll it took on him. It serves to build Ciel as Sebastian’s master, and how some problems aren’t as simple as discarding a tablecloth.

The third and the fourth, are a unified narrative, with a similar premise to the first chapter. Ciel gets kidnapped and Sebastian must find a way to retrieve him without raising suspicions.

If the first chapter is to set up what Sebastian must do as a butler, the third and the fourth serve to set up what he must do as a demon.

The entirety of the volume, and up to Book of Circus Arc, is about how Sebastian tries to follow the increasingly absurd orders that Ciel has - it is not about Ciel trying to solve them.

That’s how they work, we follow Sebastian for the most part, because he’s the one having to come up with the solutions.

If anything, in early Kuro, where the emphasis was more on a slice of life conflict, Ciel is the antagonist. He’s the one creating problems for Sebastian to solve.

What’s more, in the second volume, the very first chapter is one from Sebastian’s POV. So far, we hadn’t gotten an entire chapter from Ciel’s POV. In fact, I would find it hard to point to a single chapter where Ciel is the POV throughout. The reveal of real Ciel and the flashback is the closest contender.

But once we move past early Kuro, and into Book of Circus, this set up changes.

It’s fairly easy to assume that Ciel is the main character, because from this point on the conflict of the plot sorta surrounded him. We spend a lot of time with him and with his story. The enemies start being people directly tied to Ciel and Ciel’s trauma. Rarely, if at all, we get to see Sebastian before he met Ciel.The framing device for the story, is Ciel.

This is where point 2 gets intertwined.

2.- Sebastian and Ciel’s relationship IS the story.

The story begins at the point where Sebastian and Ciel met. Who Ciel was before he met Sebastian, informs why he’s the way he is when he does. You have to know all he went through to understand why he’s a brat, why he lashes out. However Sebastian’s past doesn’t matter…because Sebastian himself doesn’t care much for who he was, before he was “Sebastian”. That’s also part of the narrative.

Unlike Ciel, he doesn’t seem opposed to revealing information from before the contract. He talks about how pets from where he is from are gross, he talks about how he knows how to dance because of other places he’s been to, and alludes to the life he's lived before.

Just that, to him, they're footnotes.

He makes allusions to a very bland, uninteresting life, up to the point he meets Ciel.

That’s why we don’t know more about his past.

As for why we focus on Ciel’s story…okay maybe we need Creative Writing lessons 102

I studied Dramaturgy for about 3 to 4 years. And something you notice is how play-writing is the quintessential story telling. It’s making it work with the bare bones of a story.

Some other mediums have more finesse, more depth, or more spectacle - all amazing things that work for whatever they’re created for. But understanding a play, how and why it works, helps understand the fundamentals of any derivative story telling medium.

Particularly, conflict.

Conflict is dialogue and dialogue can take many forms. A story, in its essence, is a dialogue between two opposing ideas.

Take Batman, for example, who embodies the ideas of justice and order. On his own, he’s not a well rounded character.

If you ONLY present him, in a vaccum with nothing else, you don’t have a character. You have a list of characteristics that you’re supposed to know.

You only know who he is when you have dialogue with another character.

I say Dialogue, but it doesn’t necessarily mean spoken language at one another. Dialogue can mean fist fighting, playing tabletop games, talking to other people about the other, or even just a competition. The idea is to simply to compare and contrast both ideas.

If you want an example on how tabletop games serve as dialogue, watch the video “Well, Someone Had to Explain the Liar’s Dice Scene” by Lord Ravecraft

Another example, were we to retake Batman, you have him fight Joker. Who’s the embodiment of chaos and randomness.

In the following picture, you get far more information than the one previously shown. While the Joke fights with daggers and fake guns, Batman only uses his fists. He doesn’t use the tricks that Joker does. His serious demeanor, contrasted with Joker’s glee at the dangerous situation. The fact that Batman has a deathly grip on Joker’s shirt, while the Joker doesn’t, which shows a desperation to catch him.

You are being shown, through a dialogue, who Batman is.

It’s so much easier and much more effective to explore a character through another character.

This is the reason why Shonen has a tendency to make incredibly good gay ships. If you want to explore Naruto’s personality, and his feelings of inferiority, you HAVE to have him interact with Sasuke.

If you wanna understand Hinata’s passion for volleyball, you have him enjoy himself the most with the only other crazy motherfucker who’s as obsessed with volleyball - Kageyama.

And I think that originally, Yana had this problem.

Sebastian was the protagonist, but she had little room to develop him as a character in the confines of the manor, dealing with random enemies.

She likely tried to create Grell as someone of the same stature as Sebastian. Someone who could be this other person to engage dialogue with and show or allude to his past a bit more.

The problem being that Sebastian didn’t care for his past. Or really, engaging with anyone. He sees everyone as below him, but when confronted with Grell who isn’t below him, he doesn’t wanna talk to her.

So you’re stuck in conundrum.

How do you have dialogue with a character, that as a character trait, doesn’t really wanna have dialogue?

Well, Grell also solves the problem. Because only the moment she gets him to start any semblance of a dialogue - is questioning why he’s serving Ciel.

And this is the moment when it’s perfectly cemented that the focus of the story is their relationship.

Why is Sebastian here? Why does he stay? What did he see in Ciel that made him want this extremely convoluted contract?

THATS the dialogue.

THATS the conversation we’re having in Black Butler.

We need to know Ciel because understanding who he is, let’s us know WHY /Sebastian/ is here.

Then slowly, with the introduction with the Undertaker, we find out Sebastian’s conflict.

Which is…

He’s scared of losing Ciel. It becomes apparent with the constant imagery of the Undertaker taking away Ciel and at some point even obtaining r!Ciel’s body, that he’s worried it might happen.

But he can only be worried that Ciel might be taken away if he wants to stay near Ciel.

And that’s his character arc.

Realizing that he actually likes Ciel, cares for him and the role he plays a butler that he doesn’t want this to end.

In the first chapters, he doesn’t feel a need to protect Ciel anymore than what’s strictly necessary. Just don’t die, that’s about as deep as his involvement in chapter 4 gets.

But by the Green Witch Arc, he feels a need to protect Ciel from ANY harm.

This is why I also said

3.- Their relationship is fundamentally a positive one.

In broad strokes, Sebastian to Ciel is the person who allows him to survive. He’s not worried about giving up his soul since he’s already dead. While Ciel to Sebastian, is someone who’s making him have fun. He’s slowly becoming more and more attached to Ciel and the life he has with Ciel.

Their relationship is not that of just a predator and prey, but also of master and pet.

In the terms that Black Butler itself would call: Sebastian is a wild wolf acting like a collared dog.

Ciel is aware that the wild beast will eat him at the end of the day, but if he clings hard to leash for now, he might just be able to have Sebastian maul his abusers.

Sebastian as a dog, currently finds that he enjoys being a chained dog.

(This is demonstrated in the Green Witch arc where he quite literally says, he doesn’t wanna be a wild beast and prefers to be a butler)

And much like the actual DOG Sebastian, Ciel constantly interprets his attempts to get close and protect him, as an act of aggression.

This push and pull of Ciel’s perception of Sebastian and Sebastian’s true motives is what feeds the story.

And the briefs interludes were that isn’t the case (what other people call the “plot”, but I would refer to as the connective tissue) such as Sullivan and Wolfram, the other servant’s past, the grim reapers and the like, serve as a parallel to Ciel and Sebastian relationship. Either to signify how they care for each other, highlight their weaknesses or fears, or explore how they feel.

It’s no surprise that Sullivan and Wolfram are parallels to Ciel and Sebastian. A sheltered sickly child who seeks the protection of a cold hearted machine that only knew how to kill, but who eventually found he cared for her genuinely.

Undertaker and Claudia’s relationship being heavily paralleled with them, even though we aren’t 109% sure what they had but heavily implied it was a romantic attraction from the undead supernatural creature and a Phantomhive.

Everything is a parallel.

That’s why, like the approach of the terrible original video, is flawed.

Trying to interpret Black Butler as action scene after action scene, with mystery after mystery with the only connective tissue being the mystery of who burned down the mansion - is missing the trees for the forest.

That’s not the point.

And if you’re too much of a prude to engage with gothic horror in its gothic horror game, I see little point as to why you even bother to engage with it at all.

A lot of people, including the person who create the video, simply refuse to acknowledge Black Butler IS the story of Sebastian and Ciel as a close and positive relationship, romantically and sexually charged. The reason for it being that they’re “put off” by it.

Part of me wonders how much that is genuinely true, and how much is just performative outrage. It’s like ignoring the fact that Cersei and Jami are in an incestous relationship and try to frame it as “platonic love”, because the idea of it is THAT off putting.

But regardless of that, if you don’t like the fact that it’s as canon as canon can get, I would reccomend you don’t engage with the story at all.

As I’ve explained, the entirety of the series is about them. If you refuse to see Sebastian and Ciel as, at the very least, a duo that cares deeply for the other - you aren’t reading Black Butler.

I have no idea what you’re reading.Perhaps your own biases and subconscious stigma with British aesthetic. At that point, watch the fucking British Royalty Gossip Magazine. You’d find more substance there.

Just don’t be like the person in the video, please? Don’t play dumb. Don’t ignore the fact that Yana is a Shotacon, don’t ignore the fact Sebastian is a hero, don’t ignore the fact that the entirety of the story is based on Sebastian and Ciel’s dynamic.

Because if you do, you are ashamed. You are ashamed of what this story is about. You don’t wanna engage with the text, you want to engage with yourself. You wanna project into Ciel whatever traumas and experiences you have, for the sake a vanity project, where you come out as the morally superior.

You don’t wanna talk about Black Butler, you wanna talk about how good YOU are. How you “don’t sin” by watching it “without all the gross unholy stuff”.

Which is the exact opposite of what BB is about.

So, if you don’t want to, save us all the humiliation fetish and leave.

#Kuroshitsuji #black butler #sebaciel #essay #loli speaks

[suguruplsr]

hi i was so scared to ask this!! because i dont speak english as first languages so hhhh i wanted to req (any char :)) with a reader that's super quiet and like poker face coded if you know what i mean, so then the char.. changes that! in bed. and boom reader is no more poker faced or quiet, i hope this makes sense, it can be nsfw or anything else. i love ur blog so hi and bye aueueueueueu heart

how a whore gets fucked 101!

✰ ✰ ✰ maybe toji’s ready to show you that list.. so, toys next time? dirty slut.

જ⁀➴ kekekekke this made me grin so evilly when i read it!! and ty ilyyysmmm

,, toji x fem!reader , fingering , nipple play , choking , breath play , cum eating , slight degradation , grinding , dacryphilia ? , overstim ? , drabble.

“you sure you just wanted to kiss me..?” you murmur, looking at your reflection in the full body mirror. toji was towered above you, shirtless and his face deep in your neck, kissing you all over as his fingers sneakily began to roll down your sleeveless dress.

his eyes flicker to yours. he couldn’t help himself, you looked gorgeous tonight, and you were painfully oblivious to how much he wanted to take you away from that dinner table to fuck you in the restroom, maybe have your cute face stuffed with his cock, or cum in your panties and make you sit through the night like that? nah, you’re too prissy for that. but, toji’s dick twitched in his pants at the thought, maybe he could convince you one day.

“kissin’ you right now ain’t i? jus’ wanna give my pretty girl some lovin.” toji groans, smelling your vanilla perfume. sure, it was basic, but it fits you so well. especially with that cocoa butter lotion you always use. the aroma made him feel like he was in a moment of tranquility. and he’d never admit that, not to your face of course.

as his hands pull the fabric below your breast, you bite back a gasp from the feeling of his fingers rolling one of the perky buds. “could see ‘em all night. that stupid dress is so fuckin’ thin.” toji smirks, watching how your face contorts, squeezing your other breast and leaving little nibbles into your neck.

“well that’s not my fault you’re getting turned on just from..” your whines trail off as he turns you to him, one large arm wrapping around your waist as he goes down to swirl his tongue around the buds. he pulls off the dress completely, pooling at your feet and letting him getting a good view of your body. he grins, “it’s your fault for lookin’ so sexy. taunting me n’ shit.” you huff at his words. this man is so insufferable.

one of his hands finds your panties, pushing them to the side and kissing you sloppily. his thick fingers run along your wet folds, making you whine against his lips and push him towards the bed. he holds you up as he sits down, putting you onto his lap and digging his face into your neck again. “t-toji..” you bite your lip at the feeling of his fingers reaching your pussy again, thumb playing with your clit as his middle finger teases your entrance.

“what’s wrong? if ya want somethin’ you say it.” toji chuckles, laying his head on your shoulder and mindlessly messing with your pussy. it felt good, but it wasn’t enough for you. and he knew that. toji was immersed with the way your eyes squeezed tight in embarrassment at the sounds leaving your lips, trying your best to not let your mind waver into his trap. “toji you’re being mean..” you scoff, only for your hands to end up clutching one of his arms as he pinches your clit.

“that hurts!” “it wouldn’t if you’d just listen to me baby. you can talk now but the second you get some action you’re squirmin’ n’ all whiny.” his words make your skin burn in shame, eyes looking away and trying to escape his piercing gaze as he rubs your thigh. toji hums, bringing a hand up to your neck, a big knowing grin forming when you you moan at the feeling, eyes nearly rolling back.

“oh.. ya like that?” toji’s voice lowers, almost raspy in amazement. his dick practically jumped at the sound of your voice, the thick erection poking your thigh. “i-i..” you felt so embarrassed, trying to think of something. but toji only takes that as a sign to go further, tightening his grip around your throat while he enters a finger into your hole. you look so fucking cute like that, choked moans leaving your lips as you eager roll your hips against his hand. he raises his head slighty to keep your expressions in his sight, kissing your cheek and down. you don’t get to hide, not when you’re acting like this, he needs his front row seat.

who knew his cute, quiet and successful woman could act like such an eager slut? now now, he isn’t ready to start calling you things like that, yet.. okay maybe he is.. it’s definitely on his list of things to try, especially after seeing you like this, sliding his forefinger in and thrusting his fingers violently. only to curl inside your cunt, directly at your sweet spot as he played with your ability to breathe.

toji is for sure, a rough man, but sex with you has been more soft n’ delicate, for your sake of course. he’s never felt the need to grip or touch you in ways that he did to others, but fuck, he definitely wants to. with love of course. you’re gasping and trying to catch your breath, ruined mascara and tears rolling down your face as you feel your tummy coil. “t-tojiii! gonna, mngh, c-cum!” he definitely has to do this more often, toji thinks. his fingers around your neck ease a bit, his thumb running along your neck intimately as he rubs your clit and moves his fingers fast enough to make your eyes roll.

his dark eyes watch how you crumble, a scream nearly ripping from your throat, hiccuping as he makes you paint his fingers with your cum. “so fuckin’ hot..” toji mutters under his breath, maybe he likes this view of you crying, head slumping onto his chest with a whine as he pulls his fingers away. removing his hand from your neck, he rubs your back comfortably with a small groan as your cum slowly drips onto his pants, right on his tip.

“never knew you could be nasty like this, heh, you sounded like a fuckin’ porno.” toji grins at your whimper as he dines on his fingers and licks up your cum like it was his last meal. you watched him in anticipation, he looked so attractive, eyes closed in content as his pink tongue lolled over his fingers. you rub your soaked cunt over his black jeans, moaning when the rough friction makes your pussy throb even more. “t-then shouldn’t you fuck me like i’m in one..?” what were you even saying? you didn’t know. but the idea of it sounded so fucking vile, getting thrown around by him like it’s nothing, letting him cum in you more times than you can count. and you want it.

toji’s whole body feels on fire. somewhat reluctant, but he had a massive hard on, and you were willing, so would it really hurt to give in for once? “green. remember that fucking word okay?” he huffs, holding your hips tight and waiting for the small pliant nod you give, quickly catching on to what he meant. he moves you off him, shuffling out his slacks, the pants landing onto your pile of clothes as he pounces onto you before you can even comprehend it.

“hand n’ knees, pretty. yeaaa, just like that.” you obediently follow his orders, his hands keeping your legs spread as his tip probs your entrance. “don’t hold back toji, wan’ you to fuck me like you mean it..” you mutter with a small pout, yet you couldn’t turn your head to look at him, your stomach was already churned with absolute mortification. best to save some face. well, in your stupid mind anyway.

“ehhh? so you’re beggin’ for cock now? i dumb you out just a bit and you take a mile.” toji mocks, sliding into your pussy, slapping your ass and beginning to fuck you without remorse. your moans are immediately muffled when his hands find your neck again, pushing your face into the sheets as he pumps you full, “don’t cry now baby, you wanted this remember? this is how a whore gets fucked.. but you’re my whore now, hehe.”

#jjk x reader #jjk x fem!reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujustu kaisen x reader #jjk #jjk smut #toji x y/n #toji fushiguro #toji smut #toji x you #jujutsu toji #jjk toji #jujutsu kaisen toji #fushiguro x reader #toji x reader #toji x female reader #jjk x y/n #jjk x you #toji zenin #jjk fushiguro #jujustu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujustsu kaisen x reader

[baldval]

okay so who here remembers Vark vox’s ADORABLE 😍 dog like shark pet? Well what about a reader x Vox where Vox was taking vark out for a walk and vark managed to get loose and Vox is freaking out but fortunately find vark playing and slobbering on reader is is now also in love with the adorable dog like shark and then Vox and reader fall in love thanks to vark. Kinda like the beginning of 101 dalmation. either way I love vark and find him absolutely adorable and hope to find more Vox x reader that includes some vark because I love both of them 🥰

ROGER MEETS ANITA!₊˚⊹♡

characters: vox x gn!reader

wc: 741

warnings: curse words, SLIGHT gore

"Vox could you please take care of your fucking beast?" Velvette shouts from the living room. "I swear that thing just won't stop barking."

"What even is that? Why is a shark fucking barking?" Val adds. That's when Vox goes out of his office, rolling his eyes.

"We are literally in hell. You are basically a moth and your question is why a shark can bark?" Vox walks over to the closet were he keeps Vark's leash. It's a crimson red with small lightnings in blue colour.

"You know we can hire someone to do that for you right?" Valentino asks, serving himself a cup of a pink liquid Vox can't bother to know what it is.

"Oh let him be. You know he likes to do it." Velvette answers, defending Vox.

"I'm just saying, if it's bothering us, we should be able to do something about it." Valentino walks over towards Vox. "Like, I don't know, using our money to make someone take him out for a walk?"

"It's my shark and I choose what to do with it." Vox straps the leash on Vark's collar. "Now piss off and let me leave."

"I'm just saying what I think, having that thing is stupid." Vox glares at him before opening the door and basically running through the stairs, Vark's strength pulling him. "Vark, come on. Take it easy! What's all the hurry?"

Vark looks around the area and sees something that resembled a pigeon eating what seemed to be some sinners insides. He runs towards it, basically carrying Vox with him. "Seriously Vark, slow down." Vark doesn't do that.

"You know what. It's over." He pulls Vark and ties him up to a bench. He shakes some of the dirt he catched from running off his suit before sitting down, not noticing the person besides him.

"Oh." You say. The dog-like shark had grabbed your hat and was currently playing with it. Vox turns to look at you, and then to Vark.

"Oh come on, Vark, not again."

"Again?" You chuckle, amused at the situation.

Vox grunts as he tries to force the hat out of the shark's mouth.

"I'm... So... So..." He says between groans. "Sorry!" Vox finally manages to take it out of Vark's mouth, however, a small piece of the hat is ripped. "You're kidding? Please pardon me, I-" He turns to look at you, but stops talking as soon as his eyes meet yours.

You're laughing, he likes your laugh.

"Oh it's okay, don't worry" You say, smiling at him "I didn't even like it that much anyway."

He seems surprised by your words, still staring at you.

"Oh no, really, please allow me to repay you in some way." His demeanour suddenly changing as he grins. "Vark has been such a bad boy today."

"Really. I don't mind. It's just a hat." Vox tsks as he stands up and gets closer to you.

"Oh, no, no, no, my Vark can't just destroy such a beautiful person's hat and get away with it, oh no." He's now smirking, and you can't help but chuckle as you look away.

"Genuinely, don't worry. I love... pets!" You crouch in order to pet the shark.

"Don't!" He shouts. "He-" Vox stops his sentence as he sees the way Vark is just slobbering all over you, your hands scratching his ears as he pretty much smiled.

You turn to look at him, not stopping your actions. "Is something wrong?"

"Umm... not really... It's just that, Vark tends to electrocute strangers." He says, still in awe of what's happening before him.

"Really? He seems like such a sweetheart." You smile, looking at the shark.

Vox bends down beside you, joining you in your game with Vark.

After a while, he turns to look at you, your faces a lot closer than what Vox expected.

"No, but really. Please let me do something to pay you back for the hat." He stands up, offering you his hand for help, which you gladly take. "You must want something."

"I mean... what could you offer me?" It's your turn to smirk.

Vox doesn't miss the flirting and smirks back.

"Well... There's this restaurant that I truly love. And..." He's now staring at your eyes as you try not to blush. "I think you'll love it too."

Maybe Vark was annoying sometimes, but it was totally worth it in Vox's eyes if it meant that he was going on a date with you.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel imagine #hazbin hotel headcanon #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #vox x reader #vox x you #cursed cat alastor #vox hazbin hotel #vox hazbin hotel headcanons #hazbin vox

[horrorhot-line]

kairos

(n.) the perfect, delicate, crucial moment; the fleeting rightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words, or movement.

➵ pairing: love and deepspace x reader

➵ word count: 14.2k

➵ genre: fluff, angst (if you squint?)

➵ warnings: spoilers for the game 'love and deepspace' below.

➵ summary: when you thought you didn't belong all your life, you had no idea it wasn't just in your head. now, you're thrown into a world you couldn't possibly have known was real and have to get used to your new enviroment. easier said than done when you keep running into certain men who make it hard to keep your cool.

➵ masterlist  (requests are open)

The following content is protected under copyright laws. do not copy, modify, repost on other sites or claim as your own.

© 2024 horrorhot-line

notes: to anyone waiting for more saiki k content, i promise it's on the way, there's just a few other things i'm working on so it might take some time, and in the mean time i wanted to practice writing for other characters to sharpen my skills.

to anyone who's new to this blog, hi, i hope you enjoy your stay here, and i hope you like my work, enjoy!

also: thank you to @kagadummis @vanillaschoko9353 @identity-theft-101 for giving me the motivation to write. and a huge thanks to @thecaminator for letting me throw ideas off their head to make sense of what i wanted to do with the series. you were a huge help!

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵       ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

There was no one moment that you could pinpoint and say was flawed or wrong. When had the world lost its colour? Had you been ignorant all your life and happened to notice one day, and now there was no going back? Did it even matter?

You didn't know when it all started to go wrong, but you were exhausted. The type of tiredness that no amount of sleep could ever cure. Every interaction felt like work. Every moment that you were conscious felt like work. Nothing ever happened, no one ever liked you, and even if something did come to pass- you could never immerse yourself in the feeling completely. 

Chalking it up to, 'Everyone feels this way,' and 'I'm not the only one' only worked for so long. There wasn't really any place you could say you felt you belonged to. You didn't understand how people around you, successful or not, could confidently say, "This is what I was meant for".

Surely, there was more for you out there than working to live, going paycheck to paycheck, always having just enough. Waking up, worrying about trivial things, learning or working, getting stressed at minor inconveniences, eating, sleeping, all on repeat until death finally calls your name one day. 

Wherever you went, you felt like you weren't ever really there. Your only comfort was, no matter how alone you felt, among the 8 billion people in your world, there was someone out there who was going through the exact same thing as you. Someone who knew what it meant to feel like you were in a universe you didn't belong to. 

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵       ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

The first thing you felt was pain. It was dull at first, stirring you from your slumber and forcing your sluggish brain to wake up and find the problem. You didn't even get to open your eyes before it evolved into burning, searing you from the inside out. Your head throbbed, and your vision swam, your eyes barely registering the room's lights that you were in before you forced your lids shut.

You cried out, curling in on yourself in an attempt to soothe the pain, but to no avail. You tried to breathe through it, and assumed you were making progress when the pain dulled. You should've known that was only the calm before the storm.

Memories, hundreds, then thousands, filled your mind all at once. They started to blend into each other- familiar, yet not and try as you might, you couldn't quite place your finger on any of them. You wailed, clenching your jaw so hard you felt your molars push against your gums. Clutching your head in your hands, tears flowed down your face.

What was this? You had never been in this much pain before. You were dying; that was the only explanation. There was no way you would survive this pain. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This couldn't be it. You had so much left to do, so many loose ends to take care of. You were not about to die alone in your room because of a goliath of a headache.

The memories still trying to burn their way through your consciousness behind your closed lids started to slow down, and you could make more sense of them now. You furrowed your eyebrows at what you saw. An entrance exam? Holograms? Monsters? These weren't your experiences; you had never seen this before in your lif-

Wait. No. There was no way. You knew they looked familiar, but you would never have guessed… Those monsters, you recognised them. You had seen them on your flimsy phone screen while playing a dating sim the night before that had just been released a month ago. Love and Deepspace. A game set years in the distant future about romance and wanderers.

What the fuck? You blinked your tears away, the pain from earlier feeling more like a migraine rather than a death sentence. You ignored the sweat clinging to your skin and moved the hair plastered to your face out of the way. That was when your brain caught up, still taking its time to make logical sense of what had occurred.

You weren't in your room- for one, it was neat and tidy to the point of perfection. There was a hologram projected where your bedframe would have been, and the mattress was the softest thing you had ever sat on in your entire life. Despite waking up in a strange room you had no recollection of getting into, you didn't feel any unease, and that in itself had you worried.

It felt right, the feel of the plush covers against your legs and the aesthetic of the room itself. It felt like you belonged. You took a deep breath. Looking around to see if you could find your phone, you moved off the bed to go wander. When you saw a familiar black screen on the desk on the other side of the room, you rushed to grab it.

Getting a better look at it once it was in your hand, you realised it was a phone, alright, just not yours. You tried your best to ignore the odd feeling that washed over you when your fingers seemingly moved as if it were muscle memory and entered a passcode that opened the phone to reveal a home screen.

The top of the screen had bold numbers stating it was 18:46PM, with a few apps underneath. You tried to make sense of what apps were what when your eyes landed on the date in small text under the time. January 17th 2048. You froze, feeling like you had been doused with cold water. No, that couldn't be right. You tried flicking through the apps to see if you could figure out what in the fuck was going on.

You shoved down any thoughts of the isekai love novels you had read in the past because surely- surely, you couldn't have something as cliche as this happen to you. Your expression relaxed slightly, your eyebrows unfurrowing as you found what you thought to be a messaging app. Your eyes scanned the contacts briefly. The first was a message from… Caleb?

Who the fu- Oh. Oh, no. You really didn't want to admit it. You refused. You had not transmigrated. That wasn't possible. You tried to soothe your mind by telling yourself this was all a dream, but the dull headache you still had and the pain that came before it convinced you that you were very much awake. You ignored his message, choosing not to open it and reply.

You had to understand the kind of situation you were in first. The text underneath his was an unsaved number. You opted to open the chat, checking the unread message.

'Congratulations on passing the Annual Hunter's Exam! Please head to the New Recruits Registration Centre on January 18th 2048. Your appointment is set at 8:00 A.M., but we advise you arrive 15 minutes early to sign in. We hope to see you there! Our warmest regards to the new Hunters of today.'

You threw the phone on your bed, frustrated and confused, causing you to be reckless. This made no sense. How could this have happened? You couldn't rationalise any of it. You refused to believe you were in Love and Deepspace. For one, it was too good to be true.

You paced the unfamiliar bedroom, trying to figure out your next move. A mirror. You needed a mirror; it should have been the first thing you went looking for. Your legs carried you as if they already knew where you needed to go. Leaving the room, you turned right and opened the door to reveal a pristine white bathroom. You stopped yourself from gawking at how clean it looked (you swore you saw a bidet and an option to warm up the toilet seat) and headed to the cabinet with a mirror.

You blinked once, then twice, giving yourself a once over again. It looked like you- but didn't at the same time. It was… exactly like what you had chosen the main character of the game to look when you played. You looked otherwordly. Clear skin, smooth without a single bump or pore in sight. Naturally pink lips, long lashes and captivating eyes. The face of a model… of a main character.

You wouldn't have been able to explain the existential crisis you went through even if you wanted to, as you brought your hand up and touched your face. The reflection that greeted you was a stranger, but they felt so familiar. Was this really you? Was this your appearance now? Your life? What were you supposed to do? How could you possibly go back to your world? Did you even want to?

You shook your head. This was all too much. You let your feet guide you back to the bedroom, lost in your thoughts, trying your best to think coherently.

That's when you saw it. A small hologram, a pop-up screen, on the bedroom window that took up a whole wall. You paid no mind to the incredible view outside, too perplexed by the screen. You walked closer to it, realising there was writing. Had it appeared when you left the room, or had it been there from the beginning, and you had been too disoriented to notice?

Your eyes traced the words carefully, trying to understand what they meant. You reread it, furrowing your eyebrows. In bold and all caps, on a white background and written in serif print, was the paragraph,

"N/A Y/N L/N - TIME OF DEATH: [REDACTED], 18:39:03:153425

LINKON CITY [REDACTED] - TIME OF DEATH: DIED JANUARY 17TH 2048, 18:39:03:153425

CONDITIONS FOR SOUL SWAP HAVE BEEN MET. WELCOME TO YOUR ORIGINAL UNIVERSE. WE APOLOGISE FOR THE MISTAKE WE MADE AND THE INCONVENIENCE IT MAY HAVE CAUSED FOR THE TIME IT TOOK TO FIX. THIS IS YOUR ORIGINAL UNIVERSE AND WHERE YOU WILL CARRY OUT THE REMAINDER OF YOUR DAYS. ENJOY YOUR STAY."

Underneath the text was only one option. "ACCEPT"- no way of declining. Huh. Enjoy your stay? Apologise for the inconvenience? Delay it took to fix? Were they taking the piss? Pulling your leg? Dickheads. This was a joke. It had to be. Someone was kidding you, pulling some elaborate prank, and all you had to do was say, 'You got me!' and it would all be over… If only.

You weren't sure how long you stood there staring at the display, trying to make sense of it all. You were in a game. A game you had yet to finish because you had to wait to level up every day. A game where you found yourself fangirling over boys on your screen. And who could blame you? The three male leads were captivating. Beautifully drawn and animated.

Your eyes focused on the view behind the small screen of text, past the bedroom's window; the buildings were obscured due to condensation, most likely caused by the rain still falling across the city. You took a deep breath, closed your eyes, exhaled and promptly reached out to the accept button and clicked it.

It disappeared, and you were left alone with just your thoughts. You know what? No, you were not doing this today. You were going straight to bed; you didn't have the energy to deal with this. This was a problem for future you.

With that, you slipped into the familiar yet unfamiliar bed and closed your eyes, letting exhaustion and slumber take hold of you.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵       ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

From what you could gather from your baffling situation and the cryptic message you saw yesterday, you were in the universe you belonged to. But how did that make any sense? The universe, or whoever was in charge, god, a system? They had made a mistake; you had lived your prime years in a world you were never supposed to exist in, and now you were back where you belonged?

Bullshit- You called bullshit. This was all too much. And if you were here, where was the woman who had been in this body before both souls were swapped? Was she in your uni- her original universe? …Good luck to her then- you hoped she managed to make sense of the shit show that had been your life the day before.

What you still couldn't understand was, how did the soul swap happen? What conditions could have been met to swa- was it the time both of you died? Fuck, this was giving you a headache. You had to blend in and not raise any suspicions for now. What else could you do?

You were sure the events that occurred to lead you to this world were irreversible, and you had no desire to take on some cosmic power that was, in essence, playing with your life. You would make a move once you knew more. Maybe.

You bit the inside of your cheek, miffed but feeling mostly defeated that your life had genuinely been turned upside down, inside out and then fucked sideways.

The walk to the New Recruits Registration Office had been uneventful. Something you were grateful for as it gave you time to take in all that was Linkon City. The skyscrapers were unlike anything you had ever seen, and you were in awe of all the wonders this new world had to offer. Scared and exhilarated, a great combination.

You pulled on the Hunter's Uniform you had found in the wardrobe. It fit you like a glove, but you still couldn't shake the feeling that this was wrong. Like your mind was rejecting the whole situation because it couldn't understand it all at once. Your soul felt at ease, though- something you were grateful for since you guessed that was the sole reason you weren't completely losing your mind. Despite your inner turmoil, you were sure you had never felt more at home.

You just hoped no one noticed that the characte- you, had changed. You checked your phone again, and your shoulders relaxed slightly at the realisation that at least you weren't running late for once in your life. Who knew you'd develop time management skills after you were smited by whatever power had brought you to this new world.

You made it to the building in time but slowly stopped in your tracks as you raised your neck to catch a glimpse of the whole place and realised there was seemingly no end to how high the structure was. You took a deep breath- tried and failed to steel your nerves before you entered the office that would be your new workplace. You attempted to distract yourself with the voice that came through the speakers placed everywhere in the building.

"…One day, we will be able to evolve from our current limitations, transcend the boundaries of life and reach the stars." You silently watched as the glass elevator took you to your destination, the people on the street outside forming little specks the higher you went until they were barely visible. "At a certain point in the future, we can pass through the deep space tunnel… and discover the future awaiting us."

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You joined the crowd the minute you entered the Hunter's Association HQ, glad that the lights were dimmed and only focusing on the man you presumed to be the big boss of the place. The older man you assumed to be President of the HA stood on a podium, looking around and waiting for anyone else to join.

You really should have replayed the previous chapters in the game because even though you knew what was to come, your memory of the events of love and deepspace were hazy at best.

"…Fourteen years ago, the Deepspace tunnel appeared above Linkon. It led to anomalous geomagnetic storms, and the creatures known as wanderers emerged. From such an event, the Deepspace Hunter was born. Now, society has returned to a sense of normality, but there are still Wanderers lurking in the shadows. They-"

You didn't get to hear the rest of what the President was saying; a girl in the crowd to your right stole your attention. "After they hand out our badges, we'll be assigned to a squad, which will determine our future. Aren't you nervous?" You gave her a once over- what was her name again? Tasha? She was one of the side characters in the game and had a few scenes here and there.

You couldn't remember if there was an option to respond to her in the game or not. Would it change anything if you did? Did it even matter because this was your universe now? Fuck it. "Not in the slightest." You answered after a moment of silence, shooting her a small smile. You weren't wrong; you weren't nervous about your score- because if the game was anything to go by, your results were predestined.

You turned back to the speech. "You look excited, though." You looked at her from the corner of your eye, taking in her giddy form and fidgeting hands. "I am! I couldn't sleep all night!" She whispered back, covering her mouth with her hand to avoid getting anyone else's attention. It was hard to get over the fact that the person in front of you was real, and not a video game character.

She was the prettiest girl you had ever seen. Short hair that fit her face perfectly, clear skin, and a shine in her eyes you hadn't found in the passersby on the streets that morning. You gave her a soft smile, more sincere this time. You hoped she'd still like you like she had the MC of the game you played.

The two of you turned your attention back to the President, who was still talking. "…Goal as hunters is to extract the Protocores from Wanderers- in hopes of destroying them once and for all. That being said, congratulations on passing the selection process. We are grateful for your hard work." The President clapped, and everyone else joined in, including you, who was bested by social convention.

The President returned to resting his hands on the podium, "We will now begin the ceremony and hand out badges to the new Deepspace Hunters. First Candidate, 003931." His eyes swept the crowd, and you didn't need to see the number pinned above your chest to know it was you. At least you remembered that part of the game.

The girl next to you whisper-shouted as she looked at you. "That's you, isn't it? Hurry, get on stage!" And get on the stage you did. You straightened your back, pulled down your cropped jacket and approached the President. "Morning, Sir." You said, suddenly feeling awkward under his authoritative stare. He acknowledged you with a nod, gesturing to the screen on the podium.

"Place your hand here to confirm your personal info." You leaned forward to better see the display. You hoped the name that belonged to this body wasn't too out of character for you. You didn't want some 'Pride & Prejudice' ahh name. Anything but Jane Doe! Please!

You hesitated for a second before placing your hand on the podium and watched as a hologram popped up and generated your details.

"FIRST NAME: Y/N LAST NAME: L/N BORN: XX.XX.XXXX SECTOR: [PENDING]"

The hologram flashed the different level classification in the corner before a question mark appeared. The President gazed at the screen, "Ah, Anhausen Class… It's been a while since I've seen this Evol. You have a lot of potential for growth and might even acquire new abilities. I can see why Jenna picked you as soon as the rookie list was released to the public." You gave an awkward smile at his words, not knowing how to feel because, technically speaking, that was all the MC, not you.

The hologram made a sound, indicating an error. The word "LOST" showed up in red under the level specifications. "It can't be detected?" The President furrowed his eyebrows slightly at the screen. How did the MC explain this one away? You were sure it was something about an attack and the monsters of this world.

"I got attacked by a Wanderer in 2034, so my Evol isn't stable…?" It came out more like a question, something you inwardly cursed at yourself for. He stared at you for a moment before he nodded. "Hm. That event did change many lives forever. You're not the first Evolver whose levels couldn't be detected." He folded his arms over his chest. "This isn't the only criterion we use when evaluating a Deepspace hunter. As long as you have the skills, this industry welcomes you with open arms."

The President leaned to the side to grab a blue box. "Congratulations, you are now a Deepspace Hunter." He brought the box closer to you, urging you to accept your badge. You took it, muttering, "Thanks, Sir."

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There was no chance to relax as all the new Hunters went out on rookie missions to prove their worth in the field. You damn near jumped out of your skin when your Hunter's watch went off. "Rookies, this is Jenna speaking. I'm your UNICORNS Captain today. Ten minutes ago, there was an abnormal Metaflux explosion at this abandoned base for Protocore research." So that's what this deserted place was.

You felt it in your soul first before the detector picked up on the change; a pulsating vibration passed over you, serving as some sort of warning. There was something here. "It's nearby." You muttered, bringing your Hunter's watch closer. It beeped softly, showing a window stating, "Energy Index", with the numbers 19.5-

"Oh! Your Evol's even better than the detector." You jumped, scared shitless for 0.3 seconds before your brain realised it recognised the voice as the girl from the entrance ceremony. You turned around, the numbers from before forgotten as you faced Tasha. As if she had read your mind and your mistake, she corrected you. "Hi. I'm Tara,"- shoot, you had gotten her name wrong this whole time- "Remember me? I was standing next to you during the badge ceremony."

"Yeah, I do. Fancy seeing you here." You let out a dry laugh, cursing yourself mentally at your awkwardness of having to interact with people you thought were game characters less than 24 hours ago before you were whisked away to this new universe. She quietly snorted at your antics, "You're so cute! I'm so happy we're in the same squad! I saw you, and I just knew we'd be friends!" You blinked, stunned at her compliment and her palpable excitement.

You didn't realise you were tensing until you relaxed at Tara's warm demeanour. "Why don't we team up, then?" You weren't sure if she liked the MC this much straight off the bat, but you were grateful for the inviting air she had around her. You gave her a warm smile of your own. "Sure! The tarot reading I did yesterday told me that I would be super lucky today-"

You didn't get the chance to respond; Tara's watch started beeping, stealing both of your attention. "Wanderers! They're here." Oh fuck. You were not ready for this. Did you have to battle monsters now? At least in the game, there was no way of dying; the MC would just retreat and level up. Did you have that option here? To go back in time or something?

Your watch alerting you of a mission brought you back from your thoughts. You were ashamed that you hesitated for a second, even though you had just received a hunter's badge. You hoped muscle memory would help you fight- Surely, the MC trained in her free time when she had this body. You accepted the mission and looked back at Tara.

"The biggest threat level here is only B, which matches the fluctuations we just felt." At her words, you felt your stomach drop. Why, you had no idea. "Something's not right." You voiced out loud, not quite sure if you could place your finger on what exactly it was. "Yeah, fluctuations normally don't have set values." Tara nodded, folding one arm over her waist and bringing a finger to her chin as if contemplating something.

"Why don't we split up and look around first. Just to be safe?" Safe, your ass! Splitting up in movies always meant death! You didn't want your career to be this short; people would laugh! You gave her a stiff smile, unsure of yourself, as you watched her take her gun out of her holster. "You stay inside- I'll scout the perimeter to see how far the fluctuations go. We'll regroup here once we're done." You nodded, watching her walk off.

You let out a shaky breath as you returned to exploring the building. Wasn't this where MC had to battle Wanderers for the first time? Fuck it, you were 58% sure you weren't going to die, and those odds were good enough. Better than being labelled a coward and, in essence, becoming the company's pariah.

What were you supposed to do now? Wait for your movements to trigger a fight scene or something? You mused to yourself to ease your nerves, but you couldn't shake the feeling that you were forgetting something really important. You didn't get to ponder on the thought; a pop-up screen appeared before you.

Okay. So, this is what it felt like for all those main characters in the Isekai game animes when they saw an instruction window in front of them. You squinted at the words, taking them in.

"THERE HAS BEEN A METFLUX EXPLOSION, BUT IT DOES NOT MATCH THE WANDERER'S THREAT LEVEL. YOU MUST INVESTIGATE THE CAUSE OF THIS.

p.s: we hope this message aids you in your mission. again, apologies for the inconvenience."

So, whatever stole your normality from you really did have a heart after all. You were still annoyed for being blindsided and thrown into the deep end but found you were less frustrated at your situation as you pressed the accept button underneath the text. The pop-up disappeared promptly, and you walked past where it had been seconds ago.

You nearly had a heart attack when you heard what sounded like rocks shifting or falling. Your grip on your gun tightened, and you found your body moving towards the noise rather than away from it. Stupid muscle memory! It chose the worst time to make its presence known. What manner of man runs towards the sound of danger rather than away from it?

You finally had more control of your limbs as you slowed down at a clearing. Nature had slowly started taking back the part of the building you had found yourself in, leaves and plants covered the ground.

Your breath hitched when you saw him. Xavier.

That was what you were forgetting! The male leads! They were real, and you were destined to have run-ins with them if the game was any help… You could leave. Turn back and look for the Wanderer yourself and avoid having to interact with someone who had you screaming into your pillow at odd hours of the morning when you were playing the game.

No. You wanted to slap yourself for even thinking that running away was an option. In what world would you give up the chance to see your favourite boys up close? Maybe they wouldn't fall for you this time around, and it wouldn't be happily ever after because you had replaced the MC, but you could at least bask in their presence and handsomeness, no?

You lowered your gun, slowly getting closer, almost as if you were trying to pet a stray cat outside and didn't want to scare it away. If you remembered correctly, MC would try calling for backup, thinking Xavier was injured and needed help, and a monster would show up. You knew from the game that he was fine, just tended to fall asleep no matter the situation- but you also knew you had to get him up because a wanderer was on its way.

Common sense dictated you shake him awake, but you felt guilty knowing he liked his sleep. That, and you were enjoying yourself. He was the most handsome man you had ever seen, and damn it, if you weren't going to admire this artwork before you.

To be or not to be, you mused to yourself as you got closer to him and kneeled to his height. "…Hello?" You voiced experimentally, wondering if he'd wake up. No such luck, you realised as you called out to Xavier again, shaking him slightly. What were you supposed to do? At this rate, you would have to call for backup, if only to get him out of his slumber.

It didn't help that he looked perfect even while he was sleeping. He was ethereal, otherwordly. You were in awe of how his skin glowed and how the light reflected off his hair, making him look like he was painted. He looked like he had been cut straight out of the magazine, not a single dirty blonde lock out of place and long lashes that nearly kissed his cheeks. Why was he so pretty? The universe clearly had favourites.

After your fifth and final attempt to wake him up, you gave up; the guy slept like a rock- what were you supposed to do? You felt too guilty to try again; you felt like a criminal for taking away his nap. You'd just have to wait for your death, then. "Please, I'm too young to die again." You thought out loud in desperation, which seemingly did the trick.

He stirred in his sleep, and your breath hitched as his blue eyes finally landed on you. Oh fuck. He was gorgeous. Like, make your knees go weak gorgeous. Like, get lost in his gaze type gorgeous. Like make you wanna bark gorgeou- No! You had to stop your train of thought, focus and try to end the awkward silence between you.

You took a breath, steeling your nerves and putting on your brave face, "Hi, I know you were sleeping, and I'm sorry I woke you up, but you looked injured, so I wanted to make sure you were okay." You gave him the classic white man smile, the awkward one you gave to someone who would let you go first when going through a door or something. You winced, cringing at your words.

You hoped he wouldn't think you were weird. First impressions were everything. "I'm fine," Xavier answered after a beat, gazing down at his minor wounds, and it was over for you. His lazy drawl was smooth and inviting, comforting like honey. "But, you-" You didn't get to enjoy the sound of his voice or hear what he was going to say as the ground started to shake beneath you. The collar on Xavier's neck projected a blue hologram, and you knew exactly what it meant. A wanderer. Oh fuck.

Your body moved by itself, bringing your arms up and pointing your gun at the monster that appeared. "Watch out!" Xavier leapt past you and summoned his sword to attack the creature. You watched in awe at the speed at which he moved, lowering your gun slightly. He faltered as his collar turned red.

He jumped away, finding his footing next to you as the monster disappeared. "It activated its Protofield. You're a Hunter, right? Let's defeat it together." You looked from the purple portal that shifted to Xavier, then back.

It wasn't like you could refuse, you thought to yourself as you entered the portal after the blonde. This was your life now; you had to try and get used to it, at least.

The following five minutes were a blur; you took a back seat and let your body move by memory to defeat the Wanderer. You felt the fear during your close calls, but you were grateful Xavier had your back. When the fight ended, and the monster was crushed, you both were teleported back to the abandoned building.

A purple orb manifested and floated towards Xavier, and you watched as he grabbed ahold of it, shook his head and crushed it in his hand. "This isn't it." You moved closer, interested in his motivations. "Was there something wrong with it?" You queried, regarding the man with curious eyes. "Huh?" He gazed at you, looking lost. So he had no intentions of answering you and was gonna be all mysterious? Cool.

"Do you think there's more Wanderers lurking?" You changed the subject, guessing he probably didn't answer on purpose. "We became prey stuck in a trap the moment we walked into this warehouse," Xavier stated as he looked at his surroundings. "Come." He approached you, taking hold of your wrist as he led the way. You ignored the flip-flops inside your stomach and tried to keep your cool. You had to remind yourself he was doing this for the mission.

Xavier stopped, still holding onto you as he looked around, seemingly searching for something. "Did you enjoy your nap?" You piped, having spent too long in silence, the awkwardness nearly crushing you. "Hm? …Yes, I did." Xavier gave you a funny look, and you ignored it as you mentally cussed yourself out for asking him a closed question and murdering the chance of a conversation.

The uneasy feeling you had gotten since you came here had yet to leave you as you checked the screen on your Hunter Watch, confused as to why it didn't detect any Wanderers. As if reading your mind, Xavier answered, "They're Luminivores. No movement, no fluctuations." So that's why… You met Xavier's gaze as he brought his finger to his lips, signalling for you to stay quiet. "Over here." He cocked his head in the other direction, pulling you with him with his hand still wrapped around your wrist.

He pulled you to sit next to him, trying to hide your presence from whatever was lurking in the shadows, waiting for both of you. You sifted through your memories of the game, straining your brain to see if you could remember the chapter's outcome. As far as you knew, the Wanderers had set some sort of trap for Xavier, and both he and the MC had to take down other Wanderers before the stage was cleared.

"Feels like a trap set specifically for you." You voiced out loud after carefully thinking of what to say without sounding like some clueless Hunter who knew nothing of the monsters that attacked- you thought you did a darn good job considering you were someone who knew nothing about the Wanderers- and who could blame you? You played the game for the plot- the plot, of course, being the hot guys who got involved with the MC.

"I'm just a normal Hunter. You don't need to look too deeply into it." Your eyes softened as you looked at the man in front of you, realising from the game that he had a tendency to look away and avoid eye contact when he lied. Clearly, he wasn't ready to tell you what was going on, and you were okay with that. "Okay, I believe you." You stated, deciding not to dig any deeper.

You didn't notice the curious look he shot your way at your willingness to let it go. "What are you thinking about?" Xavier asked as he watched you furrow your eyebrows, deep in thought. You finally glanced up at him. "Why don't we bait them out and take them down in one attack?" You suggested, confident that the MC had devised a similar plan to defeat the Wanderers. "You…" He trailed off as he stared you down.

You ignored the heat rising on the tip of your ears due to his gaze. "Use your Evol." You stated, remembering the MC's words from the first time you played the chapter. He looked at where the Wanderers were starting to swarm. Xavier held his palm out before him, summoning light into it. The room darkened when he closed his hands. "Guess they took the bait. They're gathering now."

You willed yourself to shake the nervousness you felt, hoping your victory was predestined and that the two of you would get out of there unscathed. "There are a lot of Luminivores. If we don't take them out in one go, they'll respawn using the light." Your hand moved by itself, a feeling you had yet to get used to. You grabbed Xavier's arm, breathing as you willed your Evol to activate, "Then, let's use my Evol." He turned his attention from where your hand rested, to you.

His face… You thought to yourself what a shame it was to see his brows furrow, but fuck did he look good when he was all serious. You mentally shook yourself at the thought; now was not the time! "Please forgive me," Xavier stated as he moved closer, his breath tickling your cheek as he took hold of your right hand and rested it on his chest. You watched in awe as light gathered where the two of you met, a warm glow enveloping the both of you.

The wind picked up as your powers combined, and all you could think was, this was Resonance? It felt like you had joined on a spiritual level, your souls connected for a brief moment as your powers mixed and tangled themselves. All you could do was pay attention to his slow heartbeat and how good he looked with his eyes closed.

The Luminvores burnt away quickly; not a trace of them left as the light disappeared. Xavier got up, looking around and securing the perimeter with his eyes. "The fluctuations are gone, and so are the Wanderers. Your plan actually worked." You relaxed, your form no longer tense, as you realised you were out of danger for the time being. "Too bad we couldn't get any Protocores." You stated, remembering the procedure you were briefed on when it came to Wanderer clean up.

"Ah, they were accidentally blown up." You shrugged at his statement, not too bothered by the fact since you were still in one piece, which was more important. You had done it- with the help of MC's muscle memory. You had yet to get used to the foreign feeling of your body moving with a mind of its own.

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence, looking at each other, waiting for the other to talk. "…My uh, my name's Y/n. A new recruit. Nice to meet you." Xavier regarded you for a second, and you ignored how his eyes flicked from both your eyes down to your lips and then back. You definitely ignored your stomach doing the 'thing.'

"I'm Xavier." He paused, only for a second, before he turned to face you properly. "By the way, could you do me a favour?" And there it was, the line you were waiting for. "If anyone asks what happened, tell them that… Aside from the Wanderers, you saw nothing else, alright?" Ah, he was asking so nicely- how could you possibly turn him down? You never did understand why the MC was suspicious of Xavier when she first met him.

Then again, he was pretty vague and mysterious to start with. "Okay, if you say so." You accepted readily because, let's be honest, you were weak in front of that handsome face. Maybe it was because you hadn't seen his expression change much since you first encountered him, but you were sure you didn't imagine the slight raise of his eyebrows in surprise.

He looked like a lost puppy, reminding you of a golden retriever. His expression softened, no doubt confused as to why you agreed so readily to his demand, and you couldn't help the smile on your face. "Don't you want me to explain?" You softly shook your head at his question, "You don't have to explain yourself to me. Take it as a free pass for fighting with me."

Changing what the MC said in the game wouldn't hurt, would it? You hoped this didn't set off a butterfly effect that ended with you buried 6 feet under. Either way, he really did save you out there; you were sure if you had to take that Wanderer alone, even with the muscle memories of the body you were in, you would have been defeated. So all's well that ends well.

Xavier's lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but your Hunter's watch stole your attention. "I'm headed over to your location now!" Tara's voice came through the device, and when you looked up, Xavier was gone- so much for distracting yourself with eye candy.

The sound of footsteps getting closer had you turning around to face Tara. "I lost your signal and couldn't contact you at all. These protocore fragments… You took them down all by yourself." She asked, astonished as she lowered her gun. "Yep, all me." You mentally patted yourself on the back for how quickly you lied. "That's amazing! I'm so glad you're okay; we'll talk when the mission's over, all right?" You nodded at her suggestion, shooting her a small smile.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵       ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Once the Wanderer clean-up was over, you, Tara and the New Recruits were ordered to return to HQ. You were just glad to finally be able to relax as you leaned against a wall. Curse you and your unhealthy body that was used to spending your free time indoors. Nothing of note happened after Tara found you, and thank fuck because you weren't sure you could handle another battle. 

It was nice and all, being in a game you had spent time and effort playing until you realised you'd have to relearn the meaning of 'normal'. The chattering of your soon-to-be colleagues did little to distract you from your inner turmoil. Your saviour came in the form of a girl whose name you had gotten wrong. Tara's voice pulled you from your thoughts, "By the way, did we get anything from the data we sent back to HQ?"

You gazed up at the ceiling, trying to recall what had happened since you returned through the blur of memories that day. "Something about waiting for results before jumping to conclusions. I guess Data Analysis still needs to do another investigation." You offered, hoping she wouldn't press you further about the mission. "I'm just glad you're okay; it must have been scary by yourself." 

You released a breath you didn't know you were holding, a small smile gracing your face at her concern for your safety. "Yeah, even though you left me to fend for myself. Guess it's my super lucky day, not yours." You teased, remembering her comment about a tarot reading from before the mission. "You're still in the mood to crack jokes?" She quipped, placing her hand on her hip. You didn't miss the twitch at the corner of her lips, and you couldn't help but snicker at her antics.

"For your information, I was trying to contact you for ages! I was so close to trying just about anything possible, scientific and mythical!" You had a feeling the two of you would get along well. You didn't get to finish the conversation as the light dimmed in the room, and the most gorgeous woman you had ever seen walked in. She was tall, with the most perfect pixie cut, sharp eyes and plump lips. You couldn't help that your first thought was, 'Mommy?' 

"Finally, we meet face to face, UNICORNS Recruits." The chatter in the room dulled to nothing as you lightly kicked yourself off the wall you were leaning on. "I'm relieved to see everyone has returned in one piece. Your performance was recorded and uploaded to our database by the Hunter's Watch each one of you is wearing." You absentmindedly fidgeted with your watch, hoping there wasn't anything suspicious in your results that would raise eyebrows. 

You froze when she made eye contact with you and continued. "UNICORNS only chooses the best of the best. The squad will take that into consideration and assign you to your appropriate sector. In the foreseeable future, the difficulty of your assignments, nature of your work, and scope of your missions will correspond to your sector's role and responsibilities."

You stopped listening, your attention span coming to its end as you started daydreaming. So, Xavier and the other male leads were as real as they came, and you were in a world where you would manage to run into them. You had to wonder if you were still the love interest after swapping souls with a nameless character. You guessed you would have to find out for yourself.

As if on cue, applause erupted in the room as Jenna thanked everyone for their efforts and participation, and you, like the sheep you were, joined in instinctively. With that, Jenna gave a small smile and left the room. The lights switched back on as the room burst into excited chatter once everyone's Hunter's watch beeped, signalling the results were out. 

The robotic voice of a woman sounded through the speakers. "Mission data analysed. Please report to your respective sector at 8:00 A.M tomorrow." Tara brought her hand up to inspect her watch, "Sector... Data Analysis. Captain... Andrew. Yes! I knew yesterday's fortune was right!" She turned to you, her hands clasping behind her as she leaned forward. "Well? What does yours say?"

You gazed at your own device, knowing the results already. "Sector, Alpha Team. My Captain's Jenna." Tara perked up, looking more excited about your results than her own. "You're working directly under Jenna? Wow... Can I visit you in the future whenever I want?" You didn't blame her for using you as an excuse to check your captain out; you would have done the same in her shoes. "Be my guest. We can admire Captain Jenna together." 

Tara whooped at your suggestion, doing a little victory pump. "Wanna get some food?" You suggested, not wanting the conversation to end. You were relieved when she agreed, telling you she was starving.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵       ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Azure Square was beautiful, a cross between a park and stalls that lined the main street, branching off into the distance. Tara had led you there since it wasn't too far from HQ. Grabbing whatever street food caught your eye, the two of you strolled past the trees lining the path until you spotted a free bench near the square's monument.

You listened to Tara rant about her workplace crush, enjoying the scenery and her giddy personality. "…And just like that, the Wanderer was gone! Poof! Disappeared into thin air." You tried not to laugh at her gestures and hand movements that matched the story. "After escorting me to a safe place by the road, she said- "You're safe now. Go home." Aaaah! That's what we call max security!"

She lowered her clasped hands, and you got whiplash from how quickly she became serious. "So yes, as you can see, I became a hunter to follow in Captain Jenna's footsteps. I want to be as badass as she is- to be her equal and fight alongside her…" She blinked, trailing off before she rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. "Oh, I've just been rambling on. What about you? Why did you become a hunter?"

You parted your lips to respond, and you were not ready for the flashback her question had triggered. The screams of help were drowned out by roaring wanderers, the feeling of your stamina depleting as you sprinted through the streets covered in rubble, the panic of not knowing what was chasing you, the burning pain you felt as you were hit, the makeshift shelter you crawled towards in an attempt to save yourself.

Well, that was something, you thought to yourself as you blinked. The memory felt like it was familiar yet foreign at the same time. It was like trying to grasp at smoke, only for it to slip through your fingers. "Looks like you're reminiscing about something from a looong time ago." Tara's words snapped you out of your daze. "You could say that…" You trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

You were saved by the bell, or more like the drone that flew by to give a prerecorded announcement to the passersby. "This is a very important symbol for Linkon City! Mr. Guidey welcomes you to Azure Square!" The drone looked like a ball, clad with headphones that had bunny ears on top. "Here, the past and future coexist! The old and new mingle together seamlessly! This is the charm of Linkon City! Wow!"

"Ahhh, it's so noisy, like a kid who's constantly shouting." You agreed with Tara's complaints, but after a few seconds of listening, it started to grate on your ears like forks against a plate. Either way, you were grateful for the distraction. "Everyone, look over there! Tide Street is hosting a marine-themed exhibition! Follow me…" You followed the drone that whizzed off into the distance with your eyes before looking back at Tara.

Your silent question of, 'Wanna go?' didn't go unnoticed by her, and she promptly shook her head. "I'll call it here; we need rest for work tomorrow. After all, we experienced a real battle today- getting a good night's sleep takes priority. Plus, I live far from here, so…" You nodded, signalling you understood she had to leave. You gave her a small wave, one she returned as she disappeared into the crowd.

Once you knew you were alone, you couldn't help but think, 'What now?' It was too early to be left alone to ponder the day's events and how this was your new normal. As if the universe heard your inner turmoil, you noticed a boy in the bush near you, trying to look inconspicuous. You could sense the hesitation, but his eyes shined with determination. He was clad in a yellow hoodie and khaki shorts, perfect for the sunny weather and clear skies. You decided to call out to him, "You okay?"

That was all the encouragement the boy needed as he slowly stepped out from his hiding place, "So, miss, I overheard your conversation… Are you a hunter on mission?" You shook your head, correcting him, "A hunter on standby." You lowered yourself to his eye level, hoping you wouldn't intimidate him.

"Everyone says hunters are super strong, and you can do anything I ask, right? Riiiight?" You could tell he wanted a favour by the way he quizzed you. He confirmed your suspicions as he pulled out a stack of shiny, golden cards from his pocket, presenting them to you. "Here's what I'll give you as a reward! A full set of Super Hunters AR cards. Follow me!"

You didn't get a chance to say no as he grabbed your hand and whisked you away. "We're almost there. I need you to catch that little red fishie!" He dragged you to a stall and pointed at the prize he wanted. You nodded, signalling you understood the assignment. "I'll do it, but you don't have to give me your cards." This time, the boy didn't get to respond to you, as a little girl in the distance called his name.

"Lucas! You can't cheat in a contest!" The boy panicked, pushing you closer to the stall as he hurriedly spoke and threw the net at you. "Oh no, she spotted us! Take this net, and don't say anything about me hiring you!" He exclaimed as he ran off and left you by yourself. Were you still supposed to catch it from him?

You didn't get to ponder much longer; the sound of light footsteps approaching the stall urged you to turn around, and you regretted the choice immediately. You were not ready.

The man in front of you was drop-dead gorgeous. He had nothing on Xavier, and you could tell straight away that he had indeed been the game creator's favourite. A face sculpted perfectly, an alluring aura and the prettiest set of siren eyes you had seen and- motherfucker, was he glowing? "Unfortunate. This species of fish can only survive for a week on land." Rafayel stated as he stepped closer, gazing at the creatures swimming in the booth.

You inhaled and inwardly cursed as your breath hitched. You couldn't help but gawk, entranced by the beautiful man before you. His eyes met yours as he cocked his head and moved closer. "The fish is gonna slip away, you know." He pointed out before taking the net from your hand. You froze as his fingers grazed yours, not missing the feeling of electricity passing through you at the touch. He let out a little "Ta-Da!" as he went to catch the fish.

Rafayel caught it on his first try, manoeuvring the net in a circle, and the next thing you knew, he brought the tool closer to you and turned it around, showing you his catch. He gazed down at the fish between you, "The owner probably just wanted to throw in some fish to fit the theme- but this one, bright as a flame, is a real Flammula from Lemurian legends."

Your throat went dry, and you unconsciously gulped to relieve the discomfort, still starstruck as you looked at Rafayel. You couldn't speak even if you tried, and you weren't about to attempt to do so, only to have your voice crack, which you were sure would happen if you opened your mouth.

His eyes narrowed only a fraction, and had you blinked, you would have missed it. You wordlessly held out the container with water for the fish, nearly forgetting with all your ogling about the poor creature still flopping on the net.

He dropped the bright red fish into the water, never taking his eyes off you. Fuck's sake. Was he suspicious of you? But how? This was your first encounter in the timeline of the game. Had you met him before? Did he know you- the MC?

It didn't help that his collarbone was on show, and the little show of skin alone was nearly enough to make you go feral. His eyes dilated slightly in what you could only assume was… yearning? "Do you… Know me?" He asked finally, and you cursed at your lack of acting skills.

Had you actually played the game and paid attention instead of skipping lines until the MC interacted with the male leads, you wouldn't have had to suffer. What had the MC said to him in the game for him to walk off so easily? "I, uh… No? Should I?" You placed the container holding the fish down and shot him a question of your own, hoping it would open up a new chapter in the conversation.

Rafayel's eyes dimmed, losing the shine they had momentarily before he turned his head to look off to the side. "No… Nevermind." You tilted your head at his words- had you missed something? "Thank you for helping me, Raf- Ahh, rescue- rescue the fish." You winced at the way you stuttered, hoping he wouldn't notice how you nearly said his name without him introducing yourself.

"You…" He trailed off, stepping closer to you, and you did what any logical person would do when coming face to face with someone who was temptation and allure, personified- you moved back. Of course, of all the moments you could trip over your feet, it was then. You didn't notice the raised brick on the pathway behind you until your heel came into contact with it, sending you falling backwards to your demise.

Rafayel's eyebrows furrowed, and he moved with reflexes that surpassed even those of Xavier, grabbing onto your outstretched hand that had reached out instinctively to save yourself, his free arm coming to rest on the small of your back. Hand placement, hand placement, hand placement- "Are you alright?" He asked, gazing down at you with his unchanging expression. You realised then, on closer inspection, that his eyes were a mix of magenta and wine, a combination you never knew would look so captivating.

Fuck, his hand felt warm on your lower back; the heat from his hand managed to pass through your clothes, "Huh? Yeah… Uh, thanks- again for saving me this time." Once you had regained your balance, he let you go, but you didn't miss how his touch lingered ever so slightly. You watched his eyes leave yours, confused by the look of longing you found there.

You opened your mouth to speak, not yet sure what you would say, and as luck would have it, you didn't have to use your last three brain cells to utter a response. Your phone beeped, telling you your schedule for today still had a routine check you had to attend. "Damn." You mumbled, looking up as Rafayel stepped away from you.

He nodded, standing in place for a few more seconds as he gazed at you before he turned on his heel, silence following as Rafayel left you wordlessly, walking off with his brochure. You were still too caught off guard, not wanting to call after him with nothing to say. Fuck, you were sure there was something you were missing. You held the container in your hand before you, only then remembering the fish you were given.

That was it, you forgot to give it to him. Well, you had a new pet you had to take care of. You just hoped you hadn't changed too much of the storyline.

Unfortunately for you, small ripples had the power to create big waves.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵       ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Rushing over to Akso Hospital in time for your appointment, you focused on breathing through your nose and getting your heartbeat under control. You were lucky you made it just in time since you had to find a fish tank for your new pet, food, bring the fucker back to your apartment, set everything up and not forget your medical report on the way out.

You noted that the hospital didn't feel like one; it looked more like a law firm. The only thing out of place was the receptionist at the front desk dressed in nurse scrubs. You were glad you got close enough to look at her name tag before you spoke.

"Hi, Yvonne. I'm here for my appointment with… Dr. Zayne? Is he still here?" You hoped to everything that he wasn't and had gone home. Out of all the male leads in the game, he was definitely the one you were most nervous to meet. He was a main character- and to top it off, his backstory meant he knew the MC.

Zayne had met the MC when her grandmother took her in; you were sure the two of them were neighbours or something- and that, by default, meant he would pick up on the fact that your mannerisms were different to the woman he was accustomed to. Fuck's sake. You had debated whether to miss your appointment on the way to the hospital but decided against it.

You'd run into him sooner or later; you would rather bite the bullet as soon as possible. Get it over and done with. "Don't worry, all checkups are in the system, which sends out notifications- Dr. Zayne can't forget them." Hah. So he hadn't gone home, and you were going to have to see him. Great.

You debated taking a seat in the corner where the waiting area was for a second to save yourself from standing in awkward silence next to the reception. The nurse looked up momentarily, her hand hovering over the computer's keyboard. "You've known Dr. Zayne for a while, right? I'll transfer your call over so you two can get started." She stated as she pressed a button on the front desk's phone.

You desperately wanted to refuse but had no legs to stand on. What could you have said? No, you didn't know him- the woman whose soul was in this body yesterday knew him? "Akso Hospital, for a brighter future." An electronic device sounded over the phone, and you knew in that moment that your fate was sealed. No turning back.

"Good job, you were ten seconds away from being a no-show." Zayne's voice followed, and you fidgeted with the paperwork in your hands. "At least I managed to get here." You mumbled, feeling like a kid getting a scolding from a parent. It didn't help that his voice was thick, a low timbre that was deep but didn't grate your ears.

Biiig breaths, Y/n, big breaths. "Don't worry, we have five seconds left." You wouldn't run for the bus if it was rounding the corner- what made him think you would run for him? "That's not fai-" He cut you off, still counting down. "Three, two-", and you were off, bounding down the hallway, not wanting to make things worse for yourself.

When you pushed past the doors and first entered Zayne's office, disinfectant was all you could smell. You scrunched your nose slightly at the assault on your senses, glancing around the room to find the man who had rushed you. Your eyes landed on him, gazing down at the computer's interface as he sat in his office chair.

You were floored. Utterly gobsmacked and starstruck at the mere sight of the man. His jawline looked as if it would give you a papercut if you traced it with your finger, his black hair was parted perfectly at the side, and fuck, those glasses really did it for you. "Congratulations, you weren't late. Is this impeccable timing a new Evol ability of yours?" He remarked, still typing away on his keyboard. When you didn't answer, too busy checking him out, he looked up at you.

Your lips parted slightly- the game did him no favours; he was beautiful in person. So handsome it hurt, with looks that could knock the air out of you. You looked away first, finding it hard to hold eye contact with the man. "I showed up, didn't I?" You retorted half-heartedly, sounding less confident in your words than you would have liked.

An uncomfortable silence fell as he continued to type away, returning his attention to the monitor before him. You walked over to him, sliding your medical report onto the desk between you, suddenly feeling awkward and out of place.

Normally, you were grateful when a message from- whatever power placed you in this world- materialised in front of you. Not this time. You turned your attention to the pop-up screen on the desk, obstructing your view of the paperwork you had set down moments earlier.

"MAINTAIN PHYSICAL CONTACT FOR 15 SECONDS.

REWARD WILL BE GIVEN ONCE THE MISSION IS COMPLETE.

A BONUS PRIZE WILL BE GIVEN IF TIMER EXCEEDS.

PENALTY FOR FAILURE TO COMPLETE WILL BE DIRE."

Okay, fuck whoever decided- what the fuck did they mean physical contact? And a penalty for noncompliance? You ran your hand through your hair, tongue in cheek, as you silently seethed at whatever deity was messing with you.

You turned your attention to Zayne, your features softening as he pushed his chair back slightly. "Report." Was all he said, looking at you through the lens of his glasses. You wordlessly bent down, pressing the "ACCEPT" button- because what else could you have done- as inconspicuously as possible.

The pop-up screen disappeared, and you pushed the medical report closer to Zayne, hoping he hadn't noticed anything was off. He picked it up, skimming through it before something caught his eye. "Any changes recently?" Yeah, maybe the fact that you woke up in another world the night before- you couldn't say that, though. You bit the inside of your cheek, looking off to the side when he glanced at you.

You had to think up a good enough lie that he would believe. "I've had patchy sleep, nothing big." Zayne's eyes narrowed at your words, and you shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "Sleep-wake syndrome… That's cause for concern- you do know that, don't you?" You didn't have it in you to care; you were too busy thinking about how you'd have to touch him for more than 15 seconds or face the consequences.

"It's 'cause I was nervous for my first day at work, I'll sleep like a baby tonight." You hyped yourself up for coming up with a fib so fast. He raised an eyebrow at your statement before going back to flipping through your report. "Ignoring medical advice about sleeping like it's nothing. I suppose you're just here to go through the motions." Zayne placed the papers down and moved his chair closer to his computer.

At first, you were offended by his words until you realised he was right; you had come here just to get it over and done with. Damn, you had no comeback. Except one- but it was risky… Fuck it, the impossible had happened overnight; this was your world now- what was the point of thinking and regretting? "Of course not. I came to see your handsome face." You leaned forward with a small smile to sell your sentence.

You placed your hand on the arm closest to you, thinking you'd shoot two birds with one stone. Zayne blinked, raising his head to look at you before he looked at where you two connected. His gaze narrowed at you, and you cursed yourself for the decision you had made. His fingers came to rest above yours before he gingerly moved your hand from his arm, and you swore you stopped breathing when he paused before he let go.

The tips of your ears started to burn, and you prayed he didn't notice the colour travelling to your cheeks. "Patients aren't supposed to flirt with their doctors, you know." He said nonchalantly, but you didn't miss how his jaw clenched. Your lips parted before you could contemplate what to say. "...Yeah, but it's not like you're just my doctor. I've known you long before today- or did you forget?"

Technically, you weren't lying; you knew a lot about him through the game, but you couldn't act on any of that knowledge- even though you wanted to. And let's not forget, he didn't know you. He knew the MC, who was now gone thanks to some prick who made a mistake with your places in the universes.

Now that you thought about it, out of the three male leads, wasn't he the one who had feelings for the MC before the game started? He shook his head at your words, sighing to himself. You didn't get to retort; the pop-up screen showed up yet again, now hovering in front of the curtains at the back of the room.

"PHYSICAL CONTACT: 9 SECONDS

6 SECONDS REMAINING."

Nice, there was a loophole. You didn't have to continuously touch Zayne for 15 seconds; you just needed to hold onto him here and there, and the time would accumulate. Okay, that was easier to work with. Movement in your peripherals caught your attention, and you shifted your gaze as Zayne moved to the other side of his desk, leaving his computer behind and effectively blocking your view of the pop-up. "Sit over here, please." 

You let out a "Hm?" in confusion- unsure of what he was asking of you. Zayne cocked his head to the side, "Listening." So... being vague was another one of his talents. At least you understood that he wanted to check your heart rate. "Sure thing, Doc." You remarked as you walked behind his desk and seated yourself on the little stool in front of him.

You watched as Zayne took the stethoscope's end out of his pocket and placed the tips into his ears before leaning in to listen to the beating of your heart. A small blue hologram, sort of like a loading screen, showed up on the side of the stethoscope on cue as the device synced itself. You raised your chin slightly when you felt his hand graze your rib, your stomach dropping like you took a dive off a rollercoaster. He was really testing your self-control.

Hopefully, he wouldn't find anything of suspicion. Fuck, he was too close, and you were so close to losing all willpower. You had to say something; the silence and his movements drove you up the wall. You inhaled softly, "I think I'm fine. My first day was stressful, but it's not like I'm ready to be hospitalised-" Your rambling was cut short as he hushed you, and you pursed your lips. So much for that option.

His brows furrowed ever so slightly in concentration, and you couldn't help how your eyes trailed to his lips. "Don't talk, but you should still breathe." Zayne finally looked up at you, and the inhale you took at his words got caught in your throat- you were sure your pussy did the 'thing'. 

You had thought his eyes were amber when you first saw him, but with how close he was, you realised they were a bright hazel, a mix of green and orange that blended seamlessly. Zayne moved closer, moving the tip of the stethoscope across your chest. You tensed when his finger grazed your boob, your breath hitching at the touch. "A fast resting heart rate. What riled you up this time?" You swallowed, trying and failing to steel your nerves before looking up at him. 

"You must be hearing things." You supplied meekly, cursing yourself for not sounding more believable. Zayne looked back up at you, raising his eyebrow, and you were sure you felt your cheeks warm but refused to acknowledge it. Clearly, he didn't believe you. Your only option was to be honest- well, semi-honest. "What do you expect when you're so close?"

He sighed, taking the stethoscope out of his ears and letting it rest on his neck. You opened your mouth to clarify, hoping you hadn't pushed his buttons too far, but you never got the chance. You didn't get to brace yourself as you felt your vision swim and your body go weak. You felt faint like you were barely there. Oh, fuck. The stress of everything that occurred that day finally caught up to you. 

You felt your world tilt sideways, and through blurry eyes, you watched Zayne reach out to you, trying to grab you in time. You squeezed your eyes shut, bracing yourself for an impact that never came. Instead, you opened your eyes to having your face buried in Zayne's shoulder. He had pushed his chair closer to you since the distance between you was short, and he had his arms wrapped around you tightly so you wouldn't fall. You rested flush against his chest, no way of escaping his grip- not that you'd want to.

You breathed him in, your mind still trying to process what had happened. Zayne had caught you, thank god, and saved you from getting a concussion. Your heartbeat hammered against your ribcage, but you ignored it, enjoying his warmth while you had the chance. He moved back slowly, his arms still wrapped around you as he searched your face.

Zayne's eyebrows unfurrowed themselves when he realised you were okay for the most part. He closed his eyes before he leaned forward, and you were sure he was going to kiss you- so you did the most rational thing in your mind. You braced yourself, closing your eyes only to feel his forehead against yours. 

"No fever..." He trailed off as he moved back, and your eyes fluttered open, trying not to feel embarrassed at your thought process. As if you were ready to throw all logic down the drain and kiss him, unbelievable. "Must be low sugar levels." He stated before his eyes met yours. His gaze fell from yours, and you caught how he looked at your lips for a second before clearing his throat and letting go of you.

"Try not to faint again, hm?" Your ears burned at his words, and you wished a hole would open up and swallow you whole. He turned back to his computer, sliding a sweet to you before going back to typing. You felt your stomach flip at the gesture, completely enamoured with the man before you and his silent concern as you ate the treat. If Wanderers didn't do you in first, you were sure his presence would take you out.

"Heart arrhythmia, premature ventricular contractions, heart murmurs, and now low blood sugar." Zayne voiced aloud, and you had no fancy retort for him. "Damn..." You trailed off, and there was no smart comeback on the tip of your tongue this time. You took a peek at the pop-up screen still in front of the curtains.

"PHYSICAL CONTACT: 1:36 SECONDS

0 SECONDS REMAINING.

REWARD FOR COMPLETION WILL BE HANDED OUT ACCORDINGLY."

You breathed a sigh of relief that at least one thing had gone your way that day. "Despite being aware of the risks, you still became a hunter." He remarked, turning his chair to face you. "I had my reasons, didn't I?" You shot back, the flashback from Azure Square still fresh in your mind. He sighed at your response, turning back to his computer, clearly frustrated by your career choice. 

"Linkon has been the safest it's ever been under the watchful eyes of our skilled hunter, Y/n." You snorted at his response, not expecting the dry humour coming from the rock of a man in front of you. He side-eyed you, and you shot him an innocent smile, feeling less embarrassed at the physical contact the two of you shared earlier. "Who knows? Maybe my skills will come in handy, and I'll end up saving you from a Wanderer one day." You retorted half-heartedly as you leaned closer.

Zayne looked back at you, taking you in for a second before he shook his head slightly. "If you wish to hold something over me, then I suggest you be careful while out on the field." He placed another chocolate on the desk, on top of your paperwork, before sliding the pair towards you. "I'd prefer not to see you be airlifted to the hospital via helicopter." He turned to you once again, his expression still serious.

You shot him a small smile- you had been nervous to meet him at first and had forgotten in the process that he was the biggest softie in the game. He just hid it really well under his cold demeanour. The man in front of you was genuinely concerned for your safety, and you were sure you could feel your heart melting at his quiet gestures and vague words.

"Don't worry, Zayne. I'll be careful, just for you." You announced, your eyes softening as you stood up from your seat and popped the chocolate into your mouth. You grabbed your medical report, turning on your heel to leave, not knowing that if you had waited just a second more, you would've seen the starstruck look on his face.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵       ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Once you took an elevator up to your apartment and unlocked your door, shutting it behind you, you debated passing out on the floor. Fuck, what a long day. Who knew meeting such handsome men in the span of a few hours would take everything out of you. You sighed, finally relaxing as you realised you didn't have to interact with anyone else until tomorrow.

You walked over to the fish container you had brought earlier, tapping it lightly with your fingernail to see if the Flamula fish would move at the vibration. It looked up at you for a second before it went back to swimming back and forth in the water. You fed it the recommended amount of food for the day after briefly looking at the back of the fish food you had grabbed from the store.

You kicked off your shoes, too tired to place them neatly by the door before you entered your bedroom to strip out of your clothes. You huffed, finally out of the tight-fitting outfit, grateful you could breathe easier. You fell backwards onto your bed, enjoying the way it made your body bounce for a few seconds before you felt yourself sink into the memory foam.

The sound of distant thunder had you tilting your head back to catch a glimpse of lightning strike across Linkon City. A storm, huh? Good thing you were indoors. Your thought process halted at the sound of your phone going off, and you shot up in bed to grab it and answer in time.

Your eyes barely registered the caller ID- Caleb, before you swiped right and picked up the call. Putting it up to your ear, you let out a, "Hello?" The voice on the other end spoke up, and god damn, he sounded like pure sin. "I knew you'd still be awake. What're you up to?" You glanced around the room, unsure how to react to hearing your- MC's childhood best friend.

"Resting after a rough day, I guess." You answered after a moment, not sure what else to say. "Your first day of hunting. Well?" He was curious, you could tell. You turned to lay on your stomach, the phone still up to your ear as you watched the view outside your bedroom with half your attention. "It wasn't that bad, I'm just exhausted. Social interaction isn't really my forte."

You knew you had to be easygoing with Caleb- you couldn't sound stiff because this body you were in knew him well. "Well, that's good. What matters is you're alive." You snickered slightly at his words, "What do you think I am, a weakling? And why are you calling me so late? Don't you have things to do?" You teased, hoping he wouldn't pick up on the fact that the person he knew his whole life was gone, replaced by you.

"I should be cruising along. My military flight operation wrapped up quite nicely and ended early." You nodded, not registering that he couldn't see you as you hummed in response. "You didn't see any dangerous Wanderers, did you?" You hoped you hadn't made a mistake and that his work was similar to yours so your question didn't sound out of place.

"Are you actually worried about me?" It was his turn to tease, and you scoffed at his remark. "Yes, of course I am." You answered truthfully; you weren't heartless enough to wish ill upon the guy who was supposed to be your best friend. "Come on, I know how important it is for you to visit Grandma with me at the end of the month. Even if I was in a wheelchair, you'd push me there."

You shook your head at his statement, "I'm not that mean. I'd let you wheel yourself there, don't worry." He let out a genuine laugh, choking on his words as he understood your reply, and you couldn't help the grin that took over your features. "Yeah, yeah. You know what- it's been peaceful, so I won't jinx myself. The field within the tunnel is as stable as it can be. Very few Wanderers, don't worry." You could still hear the smile in his voice.

You turned onto your back again, gazing up at the ceiling as he continued, "Everything else is top secret. My lips are sealed." You hummed again in response, familiar with workplace confidentiality. "Yeeep, mysterious and spooky." The two of you fell into a comfortable silence, one he broke after a beat. "It's late. You should go to bed now. Sweet dreams."

After saying your goodbyes, you threw your phone on the other side of the bed. You checked your alarms for the next day, setting multiple just in case the first one didn't wake you up before you turned off the lights and got into bed.

Tossing and turning before you found a position where all your limbs were comfortable, you let your eyes close, hoping sleep would kick in.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵       ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

You didn't realise you had dozed off until you woke up. Your vision was blurry at first, and you rubbed the sleep from your eyes before you realised all you could see was white for miles. What the fuck? Were you still asleep? Lucid dreaming? Sleep paralysis?!

Your answers came in the form of a woman whose face you were sure you recognised but couldn't quite place your finger on. She had materialised in front of you, looking around before her eyes landed on you. A light bulb went off in both of your heads simultaneously as the two of you realised what was going on.

"THE REWARD FOR MISSION COMPLETION HAS BEEN GIVEN. 1 MINUTE, 36 SECONDS, AS WELL AS A 5-MINUTE BONUS FOR EXCEEDING THE TIMER.

WE HOPE THIS PROVIDES CLARITY."

You quickly accepted the pop-up screen's words before turning your full attention to the woman in front of you.

"You're- You're her. MC." The woman before you was drop-dead gorgeous and had nothing on Jenna. Her hair framed her face perfectly, cascading past her shoulders, not a single lock out of place. Her eyes shined as if someone had stolen stars from the galaxy to place them inside her irises, her lips were naturally red as if she had lip tint on, and she had the longest lashes you had ever seen.

She smiled softly at you before she parted her lips to speak. "Hi, it's nice to meet you." You were star-struck. Was falling in love with her an option? Probably not, but you would have been grateful for the choice if it was there. "Hi." You didn't know what else to say. Sorry for taking your body and your life?

Yeah, that was definitely a good place to start. "I'm sorry for…" You trailed off, hoping she would understand what you were trying to say. She shook her head slightly, looking down as she contemplated what to say next. "It's okay, I uh, I actually wanted to apologise too, for…" You sighed; this whole situation was impossible.

She looked up at you, her brows furrowing softly as if she was afraid your exasperation was aimed at her. "It's not your fault; it's whatever brought us here. Don't worry." She perked up at your words, happy to hear that your frustrations weren't because of her. "At least we're back in our own worlds, even if it took time."

You nodded at her words because even if you weren't happy about your situation, you had no choice but to accept it. There was no turning back the decision the universe had made for you. "How is- how is everything?" You asked, curious as to how she was coping with what used to be your life. "It's great, actually, I've never felt so at home. I didn't expect it, but it's everything I asked for." She claimed, fiddling with her fingers as she looked down.

She perked up, looking more excited as she went on, "And, do you know TikTok?" You nodded, confirming that, of course, you knew of the biggest app of your time. "I managed to go viral on it. I don't even know how I was just experimenting, and boom! Apparently, I'm an entrepreneur, and people want to sign music labels with me!"

You were stunned at first but smiled softly at her, happy she wasn't struggling. You had to agree; you knew how she felt. You felt in that moment as if a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders. Standing in front of you was the only woman in the whole universe that understood what you were going through.

You opened your mouth to speak, wanting to ask her more questions, but your voice caught in your throat as an all too familiar pop-up screen showed itself.

"1 MINUTE AND 36 SECONDS, AS WELL AS THE BONUS TIME HAVE PASSED.

YOU WILL NOW BE TAKEN BACK TO YOUR WORLD, AND THIS POCKET DIMENSION WILL CEASE TO EXIST.

WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR PRIZE."

There was no option to accept this time, and you leaned sideways to catch a glimpse of the woman you had been dying to meet all day. She began to disappear, starting with her legs. Her lips parted, and you strained your ears to try and hear what she had to say. "Please, keep a look out for the red ey-" The rest of her sentence sounded garbled, like a PC game glitching.

You furrowed your eyebrows, trying to understand what she meant as your surroundings collapsed in on itself. You reached out to try and grab onto whatever was left of the woman before you, only for your eyes to shoot open.

You sat up in bed, still trying to wrap your brain around what had just occurred, only then noticing that your alarm had been going off. You would have to contemplate later; you had to prepare for your first official day as a Hunter before anything else.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵       ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

➵ next part - moonstruck (coming soon!)

The following content is protected under copyright laws. do not copy, modify, repost on other sites or claim as your own.

© 2024 horrorhot-line

#love and deepspace #xavier love and deepspace #rafayel love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #zayne x reader #rafayel x reader #xavier x reader #xavier love and deepspace x reader #rafayel love and deepspace x reader #zayne love and deepspace x reader #x reader #x reader fluff #fluff #love and deepspace caleb #caleb #transmigration #soul swap

[showtoonzfan]

Vaggie in the show really did piss me off, I just…feel bad for the character, like Viv HATES her so much and it shows. For most of the season, she’s just Millie 2.0. Her entire character revolves around Charlie. She exists to help her, to make her dream come true. Without Charlie she’s literally nothing and the show FLAT OUT says that itself in the third episode. I love how during that, she says she doesn’t know who she is without Charlie, but then proceeds to sing about how much she wants to protect her, something we already knew. Like…even Viv doesn’t know who Vaggie is without Charlie and that’s fucking SAD bro. How have you had this character for years and can’t even answer simple writing 101 questions about who they are and what they do outside of their partner/peers. And her having an identity crisis arc would have worked, but the show doesn’t do anything with that concept. Husk says she “hates herself”, and while her exorcist reveal may be the reason to that, the show puts no effort into actually showing us that on screen, cause the writers can’t seem to realize that we don’t know who Vaggie is at all OR without Charlie around. What are her likes and dislikes? What are her hobbies? Interests? None of that in the “female led” show!

Outside of her love for Charlie she’s SO flat and empty, and sadly her VA’s performance plays a heavy part in that cause Vaggie now just sounds so bored and lifeless all the time. Then we actually get to her exorcist reveal and I just know Viv stole this idea from the fan theories and decided to do it at the last minute, because the way it’s handled is so poorly done and lazily rushed. I felt NOTHING during that reveal because the show didn’t give me a reason to care. Not just cause everyone and their momma predicted it, but because there is ZERO buildup to it. Would have been nice to see this secret eating Vaggie up emotionally throughout the season and determined to keep it a secret, but nah…just flat out lay it on us like you do with all your characters Viv. Like….maybe develop the character FIRST before you reveal her darkest secret, and maybe actually show how this secret affects said character so we actually give a damn when it’s revealed.

Then near the end she has a supposed “arc” or we’re of course just told that. The moment Carmilla said that Vaggie was “too bloodthirsty and desperate for revenge rather than thinking of the people she loved”, truly shows how Viv doesn’t understand her own fucking characters despite trying to convince everyone she does. All we’ve SEEN is Vaggie thinking about the people she loves. You’ve shown us nothing else outside of that, you’ve said yourself that her whole purpose is protecting Charlie and making her dreams come true so what the hell was Carmilla saying? This of course would have made more sense if Vaggie was someone who desperately wanted to get back at heaven and we see her rage take over her love for Charlie and her plans, but again….we don’t SEE any of that. If anything all we see is someone who DOES care about the people around her and her actions were always out of love. I also hate how her arrival in hell is in flashback mode, this series is so allergic to taking it’s time, cause these are things you could have made into a full episode within itself, same for her meeting and falling in love with Charlie. Vaggie is a character that’s so easy to make likable and deep, and she WAS likable. But Viv could give less of a shit about her, in the end she ended up being so flat. Love how the joke of her name is that she was given that name by a sexist pig character, yet Viv decided to keep said name for her too that’s SUCH good writing.

#Hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vaggie #vivziepop critique #Hazbin critical #spindlehorse critical

[adriennebarnes]

Puppy Love

Paring: Henry Cavill X Hispanic/Latina! Reader

Summary: Henry Cavill walking Kal and when Kal runs off, he meets a woman who has a dog that looks just like his…

Warning: no translated Spanish, spelling and grammatical errors

A/N: it’s based off the 1996 live action movie of 101 Dalmatians, they’re meet cute was ADORABLE

Henry was at home making breakfast when Kal walked in with his leash in his mouth, wagging his tail.

“What’s the matter, Bear, you want to go for a walk?” Henry asked, serving his breakfast on his plate. Kal barked as a reply. “I’ll eat first, then we’ll go for a walk.”

When Henry finished his breakfast, he pulled out his jacket form the closet and got everything he needed to take Kal on his walk. They left his house and the two were walking all calm until Kal spotted another Akita heading to the dog park with its owner and since halfway through the walk, Henry had Kal off leash (my dad does this with our dog though we tell him not to, Kal RAN to follow this mysterious Akita.

“Kal, come back here!” Henry started chasing after Kal, saying excuse me to everyone, trying to decline people who wanted photos with him as politely as he could.

Y/N was in the dog park with her Akita, Pucca, named after her favorite cartoon. Y/N had set up a picnic blanket since it’s such a beautiful day.

“You wanna play fetch, Pucca?” Y/N asked her dog and she barked as a response. She threw the back and when Pucca came back, Y/N was surprised that Pucca brought a friend who was also an Akita. “Well hello there, peludo.” Y/N began petting the fluffy dog and found his collar. “Hi Kal, where is your owner? Que tipo de persona deja a su perrito solito por aquí? Bueno, do you want a treat? Yeah right, I think you two deserve it.”

Y/N pulled out a bag of treats that she always carries and gave them two small treats each. “Fetch?” Y/N asked and she threw the ball, Pucca ran after it but Kal laid down on the grass, next to Y/N.

“Flojo.” Y/N said jokingly, letting Kal but that’s when she saw a big man try to take Pucca. “The fuck.” Y/N got up.

After getting stopped by a few people, Henry finally spotted his dog.

“There you are Kal! Don’t run off like that again, you are on a tight leash now.” Henry said, attaching the leash to ‘Kals’ collar. “Let’s go” Henry tried to move but the dog wasn’t moving. “I’m not happy right now, Kal, don’t make this difficult.” He reached down to carry the dog until he heard a woman’s voice.

“What are you doing with my dog?!?” The woman shouted.

“Listen miss, this is my dog.” Henry said.

“No she’s not, now put down MY dog before I slap you.” The woman said.

“This is my dog Kal.” Henry said.

“Oh you’re Kal’s owner. Well, that Akita’s name is Pucca.” Pointing to the dog Henry is carrying. “That Akita is Kal.” She said pointing to the Akita on the blanket a few feet away. “Can you put Pucca down now?”

“My apologies.” Henry said, immediately unclipping the leash and leaving Pucca on the ground and Pucca ran to join Kal. “I’m Henry.”

“I’m Y/N. How could you leave Kal unsupervised? What if there were actual dognappers in this park?” Y/N asked him.

“I didn’t leave him unsupervised, he ran off.” Henry asked.

“Well he clearly didn’t have a leash with him so muy responsable no es, verdad?” Y/N said.

“Well our dogs are unsupervised right now, you’re not very responsible either.” Henry said.

“It’s a dog park! As long as your dogs are trained and not reactive, they can roam around. I know most of the people on this park as well so I’m perfectly fine.” Y/N said. Henry and Y/N walked to where her blanket was and sat down so they could keep an eye on their dogs.

“Alright, I’m sorry for almost dognapping Pucca. What kind of name is that, by the way?” Henry asked and Y/N gasped offendedly

“Pucca is the name of an adorable cartoon girl that practices ninjitsu. What about Kal, hm?” Y/N asked.

“Kal is named after Superman, I played Clark Kent so I thought it was fitting.” Henry said.

“You played Clark Kent? Henry Cavill played Clark Kent in the Man of Steel movie.” Y/N said.

“I am Henry Cavill.” Henry said amused by the fact she doesn’t know who he is.

“Let me just Google this, one second. Holy shit, I just yelled at Henry Cavill, I am so sorry for suggesting you are a bad dog owner, I’m sure you’re not.” Y/N apologized and Henry laughed.

“How do you not recognize me?” Henry asked.

“Like I know you by name just not by face.” Y/N said (I admit that was me last year 😂😂)

“You never saw any of my movies?” Henry asked.

“Nope, should I watch your movies?” Y/N asked.

“Only if you want.” Henry replied and he looks at Kal playing with Pucca. “They see, to really like each other.”

“Well there aren’t many Akita owners, they aren’t for everyone.” Y/N commented.

“Since they get along really well, we should keep in touch.” Henry said, looking at Y/N.

“Are you trying to get my number, Superman?” Y/N asked.

“Yes I am. That way I could I also make it up to you.” Henry said.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, you already apologized.” Y/N said

“Well i still want to go on a date with the woman who was willing to slap me for her dog.” Henry said.

“I would have done worse too if i didn’t think you could beat my ass.” Y/N said and Henry chuckled.

“I would never lay a hand on a woman. So where would you like to eat?” Henry asked and Y/N giggled.

“Okay, coqueto, are all Hollywood actors this forward or just the British ones?” Y/N asked.

“Actually I think it’s just me.” Henry said and winked at the end of his sentence.

“In that case, i obviously like Latin food, but an Italian place would be good. Vámonos, Pucca!” Y/N yelled and Pucca moved her head and ran to Y/N to sit by her feet. Y/N told Henry to get up so she could fold the blanket.

“You wouldn’t leave without giving me your number, would you?” Henry asked.

“Give me your phone, coqueto.” Y/N said and Henry did just that. “There’s my number, call me whenever you want to set up a playdate or just a date. It was nice meeting you and Kal.” Y/N said and left with Pucca but stopped to pet Kal one more time before leaving the park completely.

“What do you think, Bear? Do we have a chance?” Henry asked and Kal barked, wagging his tail. “I thought so, let’s go home.”

The End

I think depending on the plot, Henry Cavill’s nicknames are going to be different

@warriormirkwood

#hispanic reader #latina #hispanic #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavil x y/n #henry cavill fic

[tirions]

sakamaki boys and their ideal lover

warnings for mentions of sadistic/toxic behaviours. fem pronouns used, not proofread.

a/n: i love the posts people make of this concept so decided to do my own!!

shu:

despite his moaning and groaning, his undead heart always skips a beat when a girl is stubborn

not stubborn in the rude sense, but stubbornly kind. girls that dig their heels in and just refuse to leave his side, even though he’s warned and derided them on countless occasions

wants a girl who puts an effort into sharing all his joys in life with him. cuddling up for a late afternoon nap underneath the golden sun, humming haltingly to a tune he showed you that’s hundreds of years old. he’ll tease you the whole time, but he’s grateful that you actually are interested in everything that makes him who he is

admires someone with a soft spot for life, who looks at the world around her as if each thing was intricately woven to be drank in with such awe. all the while, he’ll be looking at you. he’s long lost that spark, but you haven’t… it makes him feel a pang of unfamiliar fondness.

in the end, he hungers for warmth, for surety. there’s a security in such tenderness, and it winds him sometimes, how even the smallest of acts can make him feel at ease. or rather, how you make him feel at ease.

reiji:

this man has a manual called being the perfect partner 101, i swear🙄

okay, but jokes aside… at first he has these expectations for his lover. the pristine appearance of a porcelain teacup but with the inner strength of steel. but soon he realises, nobody can live up to these expectations.

his ideal lover would be somebody who tries. he knows he’s unreasonable with his expectations deep down, that his lover is just a human and not so easy to mould without chipping away at her. but the fact that you are willing to let him sculpt you? the fact you get up after each whipping and try and try? it fascinates him.

feels a certain twist at his heart when a girl can recognise all his little habits and quirks. for someone so meticulous, he’s never been given that kind of attention himself. he also prides himself on his ability to not let emotions slip and show on his exterior. when you point out the tenseness of his shoulders, or the subtle yet telltale eye twitch that he’s at limit, he’s completely disarmed by it.

loves attentiveness. not in embraces or longing glances only, but in taking care of him. he’s so used to taking care of the household, making sure his brothers don’t cause too much trouble, that by the end of the day he’s weary. learning to brew his favourite teas, lessening the load by cleaning his lab equipment when he seems more stressed than usual… quiet actions that speak louder than honeyed words or kisses ever could.

it all comes down to all of your subtle attention to him and his needs, something he’s so unused to that he doesn’t know what to do with it all. it breaks down his walls ever so slowly, allowing a boy so desperate for love to seep through its cracks, to allow him to loosen the reigns, just a little.

ayato:

if you’re not worshipping the ground he walks on, who even are you?

just kidding!! although i do think he loves it when a girl looks at him with admiration, that little twinkle of amazement in your eyes when he does something. it inflates his ego, yes, but it also makes him feel strangely giddy.

girls who are easy to prank and tease. he thinks it’s adorable when you let out a squeal even though it’s the third time he’s shoved you into an iron maiden. loves the scrunched up face of anger and the annoyed way you say his name.

on the flip side, he would definitely love someone equally as mischievous as him. a balance of the two would be heavenly.

something softens in him when he isn’t made to feel pressured or stupid. when he can talk freely without worrying about being the best or the smartest. a kind and patient listener who hangs onto each and every word when he is being serious.

all in all, i think he wants someone who makes him feel like he’s the best, even if deep down he knows he may never be. somebody attentive, kind and slightly naive.

kanato:

his very own, real-life dress up games for girls 😭😭💀

he wants a real life doll, a docile little thing to wrap in the prettiest silks and tulle.

a girl who will only speak to him in dulcet tones, every fibre of your being sweet and gentle when you address him.

a girl who spoils him! cake upon cake baked just for him, homemade chocolates and flaky pastries. if you appease his tastes enough, maybe he’ll let you have a bite, or take a bite of you as thanks.

you shouldn’t be fussy either. his soulmate should sit still and be grateful for his attention, even if his fangs hurt or if he’s twisting your hair into braids too tightly. you should be happy he’s even giving you the time of day.

a girl with eyes only for him. the kind of sparkling, heart eyes that scream honesty and innocence.

overall, he wants you to be as doll-like as possible. you should have the attitude of melting sugar, and should only have eyes for him. only then would you be his true love.

laito:

entertainment

laito has no idea what the meaning of true love is. he finds the concept of soulmates laughable and so it’s not what he’s looking for in a partner.

what he is looking for is a marionette, one that tugs against the strings he manipulates just enough to offer a fresh challenge, but not enough to infuriate him. you’re dancing on a tightrope with him, after all, and any slip up could cause you to go off-kilter. to know the perfect balance is key.

he likes earnest girls the most though, no matter how much he attempts to break you. your unshakable principles would get his pulse racing. there’s a certain naivety in you that he’s never experienced, and it fascinates him.

loves innocent looks but steely interiors, a disjointed aspect to you that reels him in. a doe-eyed look paired with a string of carefully chosen, cold words…

the world is a stage for him and he’s chosen you as the heroine. put on a good show for him and he’ll think of you with some twisted kind of fondness.

if you do break past his walls though and teach him what the meaning of love is though, he’d want someone who offers a quiet kind of comfort. someone who doesn’t pry, but is always there nonetheless. a shoulder to cry on, a tender-hearted listener.

but there’s a slim possibility for that. the present is all that matters to him

subaru:

underneath all those black clothes and angst, there’s a vulnerability about him, so he wants somebody who can be tender with his heart. you have to be able to cradle it in your hands gently.

although the wants a girl who is kind, he also wants somebody who can hold their own. this doesn’t negate their sweet nature, but he’s seen what frailty and gentleness mixed together can do and how much it can hurt.

patience is key! his wrath is unavoidable, like a bomb waiting to fizzle and burst, so you have to be able to handle his outbursts with maturity and grace.

like shu, he would love a girl who looks at the world as if it were precious. looking at a single rose as if it encompasses the whole world… to treat something so mundane with love is an admirable quality to him and it makes his cheeks and ears burn bright red.

someone who’s naturally joyful and warm! he’s so caught up in himself and his loneliness, so the only way you can nudge him out of his shell is through a sweet smile and a heart made of pure gold.

he just wants a lover who will treat him with care. he’s seen so much cruelty in his lifetime and it’s made him wary of others, but you? you’re like the opening rays of dawn after a long, dead-silent night.

#this made me realise they all just need a century of therapy💀 #diabolik lovers #dialovers #dl #shu sakamaki #reiji sakamaki #ayato sakamaki #laito sakamaki #kanato sakamaki #subaru sakamaki #diabolik lovers headcanons

[the-s1lly-corner]

Dude, imagine something like: TADC x Mime! Reader. Reader usually stays quiet most of the time, but sometimes they suddenly talk startling everyone around them. At the same time, they are like, very expressive, using exaggerated gestures and facial expressions, and usually communicates solely through their miming skills. And if you wanna go extra crazy THEY COULD ALSO HAVE SOMETHING LIKE MR. MIME FROM POKEMON, where they like, do a mimic of a wall, and then a invisible wall appears out of nowhere or something like that

I hope you understood what i meant, sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language 💖💖

TADC cast x mime!reader !

eueueu i totally understand what youre saying and i love the idea sm!! i love it when mime characters have mime physics, or when clown characters have clown physics!! love it so so so much!! sorry if this is a little short, ive been writing personal stuff all day and the back aches are starting to creep back in already </3

CAINE:

his jaw drops the first time you speak, he genuinely thought you were totally incapable of speech thanks to your whole theme going on... i think he would love your little mime tricks with the invisible walls and barriers and... did you just no clip through the floor while pretending to walk down some stairs...? where did you go?? where? was there another no clip glitch issue thing going on? he thought he fixed that...!

POMNI:

ah, a jester and her mime.... not the weirdest pairing... though granted pomni doesnt commit to the bit of being a jester and doesnt do tricks or jokes.. while you do commit... i think she would grow frustrated if you put a barrier up and made her slow down... calm down.. chill.. sure you understand the whole "finding the exit" thing going on with her, but rushing things probably wont help.... to time out she goes... probably gives you a side eye if she sees you just randomly walking on some invisible platform to just. leave in the middle of an IHA

JAX:

tries to coax you into using your powers for evil... i have a feeling jax doesnt like people who arent talkers... like being incapable of speak is one thing, i think at most is that he would make decisions for you (ie wrap an arm around your shoulder and be like "oh well me and (reader) were just thinking about......." yk? like in a joking way) but i dont think he likes quiet people... tries to coax you into speaking more... imagine you never spoke before in front of anyone and you finally reveal that you can talk, to jax, and he tries to tell everyone but no one believes him. psychological torment 101

RAGATHA:

i like to think she plays along with your mime antics, pretending to also be putting up invisible props and such... though her actions and movements are noticeably more sloppy and not as... fluid...? afterall, ragatha hasnt spent time practicing to be anywhere near your level! is a little surprised when she finds out your stuff is at least somewhat tangible within the digital world... thinks your emoting is cute..

KINGER:

so you know how he gets startled by gangle simply standing next to him? its like that with you, but he jumps when you randomly start talking next to him.. ponders... invisible safe square/cube/whatever... though i think part of the comfort of a pillow fort is that hes out of sight... but i think he would enjoy it at least a little if you created something like that for him

ZOOBLE:

enjoys that you dont talk much, zooble doesnt like chatty people i dont think... though they are willing to listen to you on days where you do feel like striking up a conversation... you actually get a laugh out of them when you banish jax to time out (aka putting up 4 see through walls around him for whatever length of time to atone for whatever crime he committed that day)

"he took my arm off.. give him an hour.."

GANGLE:

art kid meets art kid, you guys are both a little silly... okay sure your stuff is more performative, and while gangle does have a comedy and tragedy mask her thing is more so in drawing and painting imo, i love me artistic gangle... loves doing your makeup, if its not just a permanent part of your digital face, and can be customized... not much to be said here... theres comfortable silence between the two of you when you hang out since you dont talk often and gangle doesnt know what to talk about and may or may not fear ruining the dynamic between the two of you

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #pomni x reader #jax x reader #ragatha x reader #kinger x reader #zooble x reader #gangle x reader

[massivedrickhead]

Hi, 37 please :)

37. Leaving when you know that your presence hurts them too much

Words: 8178

Notes: So, as you can tell by the word count, this one got away from me... And as you can probably guess by the prompt it's an angsty one. Trigger warnings for illness and depression and some religion-based homophobia.

Thank you for sending this prompt, I'm sorry it took so long to get out. Hopefully the obscene word count makes up for that 😂

Read on AO3

101 ways to say I love you with actions

Chloe kept her gaze on the ceiling as Beca finally fell asleep beside her. Her breathing evening out, the weight of her arm on Chloe’s stomach getting heavier.

She waited a little longer, relishing in this moment. In this closeness. In this love. 

It would have been so easy to just change her mind.

To allow herself to fall asleep in the safety of her fiance's arms. To get up the next morning as if nothing had happened. As if nothing was going to happen.

But she couldn’t do that.

She couldn’t do that to Beca. Beca, who she loved more than anything in this world.

She couldn’t put her through that kind of pain.

Yes, this would hurt her too, but it would be nothing compared to the pain of losing her slowly. Of watching this illness eat away at her.

No. Chloe cared about Beca too much for that. She wouldn’t let Beca watch her suffer. She’d rip the bandaid off now. Tonight.

She eased herself out from underneath Beca’s arm and slipped out of bed. 

She dressed in silence, shoved some clothes into a bag, and pulled out the letter she’d hidden in her bottom drawer. 

She pressed a final kiss to the side of Beca’s head, placed the letter on her nightstand, then slipped off her engagement ring and put it on top.

She left her phone plugged in on her own nightstand, not wanting Beca to have any way of contacting her.

This needed to be a clean break.

Brutal and painful, but quick. 

She took one last look around the room. One last look at Beca. At the way she looked when Chloe thought she was at her most beautiful. Relaxed and unguarded. She wanted to kiss her again. She wanted to press her lips against the tattoo on her shoulder, against the curve of her jaw and the hollow of her neck. She wanted to hear her laugh again.

She almost went back. Almost put her ring back on, crumpled up the letter, and crawled back into bed.

Almost.

Then she thought about what the doctor had told her.

About the toll the treatment would take on her. About the chances of success. About the kind of care she’d need, and the decisions that would have to be made if it all went wrong.

She turned away before the silent tears she was shedding turned into full sobs and she left the room. Left the house. Climbed into her car, and drove.

Beca woke the next morning to the sound of Chloe’s alarm.

“Chlo’? Can you get that?” Beca mumbled, turning to bury her face into the pillow. 

When she got no response she finally opened her eyes, frowning when she saw the empty space beside her.

She shut Chloe’s alarm off and sat up, rubbing her eyes.

“Chloe?”

Silence.

That’s when she noticed the ring on her nightstand and the letter.

She swallowed, trying to ignore the cold dread that filled her stomach.

She stared at the letter, trying to think of any other explanation. Her heart was beating uncomfortably in her chest, and her hands shook as she picked up the letter.

I just need to open it and then it’ll all make sense, she thought. Chloe won’t have left me. 

She can’t have left me.

Beca started crying five words into the letter.

Chloe had left her.

She was gone.

Beca picked up her phone and called her immediately, her heart sinking again as she heard it ring from the other side of the room.

She cancelled the call and then called Aubrey

“Beca, it’s seven in the morning, what the hell-”

“Chloe’s gone,” Beca sobbed, any effort to keep her voice steady had gone out of the window. 

“What?”

“She’s gone. She… She left.” Beca started crying harder. “She left me.”

“What do you mean she left? Where did she go? Why did she go?”

Beca tried to answer but her sobs were coming in tight gasps as she struggled to keep control of her breathing.

“Beca, calm down and tell me what happened,” Aubrey said. 

Beca couldn’t. She let the phone slip from her hand as the gravity of what was happening began to hit her.

Chloe was sick. Really sick. She was sick, and she’d left Beca - had broken up with Beca - because she didn’t want her to have to watch her die.

She didn’t want her to have to take care of her.

She didn’t want her.

Chloe had been the one to pursue Beca after college. She had been the one to ask her on a date. To ask her to be her girlfriend. She’d been the one to get Beca to lower her defences. To ask her to move in. To ask her to marry her.

She’d been the one to promise Beca she’d never leave. Never hurt her. Never stop loving her.

They’d made plans. Promises.

And now she’d left. 

Aubrey found Beca curled up on her bed crying harder than she’d ever seen her.

She tried to get her to calm down, to say something, but Beca didn’t even seem to register that she was there.

Aubrey picked up the crumpled and tear-stained letter and began to read.

‘My Beca,

I’m leaving. In fact, I’ve already left. I cannot ask you to watch me get sicker. I can’t ask you to give up your life to take care of me. I won’t ask you to watch me die.

I know this hurts. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but trust me it’ll be better this way.

I love you, and I will never stop loving you, but I do not want to see you again.

I do not want you to look for me.

This is a clean break. An out. You’re free from me now.

Tell the Bellas that I’m sorry it has to be this way.

All my love,

Chloe.’

“Jesus,” Aubrey said softly, tears in her eyes as she folded the letter back up.

She knew Chloe was sick but she never thought she’d do this.

She didn’t know what to say or do, so she put her hand on Beca’s back, and sat with her until the crying stopped.

“I have to find her,” Beca said, crying giving way to exhaustion. “She can’t give up.”

“We’ll find her,” Aubrey said, her hand still rubbing soothing circles on Beca’s back. 

“If she doesn’t want to be with me anymore, I’ll respect that,” Beca said. “But she can’t do this alone.”

-

A month passed without a word from Chloe.

No one had seen her. No one had heard from her.

Her social media accounts hadn’t been touched, it was like she’d stopped existing the moment she’d left.

Beca wasn’t coping.

She took time off work and spent it shut away in her home office. Calling everyone she knew who knew Chloe. She called hospitals in case she’d been admitted, and even tried calling the police to report a missing person. They told her she was an adult, who had taken her clothes and money, and had even left a note. They told her she wasn’t a missing person, and that it wasn’t their job to help her track down her ex-girlfriend.

Beca never thought Chloe would be her ex anything. 

She never thought Chloe would hurt her like this, whatever her reasoning for it had been.

Even if she found Chloe now and convinced her to come home, would she ever be able to trust her again?

Beca didn’t know, and that scared her almost as much as not knowing where she was.

Maybe there was no going back to how things were.

Maybe she’d never feel love like that again. 

It felt bitterly unfair that Chloe would open her up in this way and show her what love felt like. Convince her that it was real, that it wasn’t about to fall apart in front of her, only to have her yank it away. Leaving her alone, cold, exposed.

How do you come back from that?

She knew Chloe was sick. She knew she was scared. She knew she was trying to protect her.

But it was hard not to be angry at her.

It was hard when she could feel her heart beginning to turn to stone. She could feel the weight of it in her chest as it started to harden. She wondered how it was still beating. She wondered why it was still beating.

At first, she’d tried to fight it. Tried to resist the feeling of it calcifying in her chest. She didn’t want to be that person. She wanted to be the person Chloe had fallen in love with. She wanted to be the person who had fallen in love with Chloe.

But with every morning that she woke up alone it got harder and harder and, in the end, it was easier to give in. To let it take her.

It was like being greeted by an old friend that she’d hoped she’d never see again. 

Like putting on an old sweater that she thought she’d outgrown, but that fit her as well as it ever had.

By the time Aubrey had noticed it happening, it was too late.

Beca stopped trying.

She stopped caring.

She went back to work and did little else. 

Calls and texts went unanswered, and even when Aubrey turned up at her door, Beca had little to say to her.

She hardly ate, hardly slept, she just existed.

The rock in her chest got heavier with each day until one day it was too heavy to lift.

It pinned her to the bed, so that’s where she stayed.

Her phone buzzed on her nightstand until the battery died. 

She felt… nothing.

After days of silence, Aubrey went over. She used the spare key under the plant pot and marched her way into Beca’s bedroom.

“Beca, I found her,” she said. “I know where she is. I’m driving out there now, are you going to come?”

Beca didn’t react, she just kept staring at a point on the wall.

“Beca? Did you hear me?” She moved around the bed and stood in Beca’s eye line. She tried not to let the shock of her appearance show on her face. Aubrey had never seen her look like this before. She looked so hollow and pale. “Beca… I… Beca, I’m so sorry. I should have… I should have seen this coming. I should have been here.”

Beca didn’t react.

“I’m sorry,” Aubrey said again. “I should have known you weren’t coping. I should have helped.”

She felt torn. She wanted to go and see Chloe. To check if she was okay, to convince her to come home, but she couldn’t leave Beca like this.

“Beca, please say something,” Aubrey said, sitting on the edge of the bed, pushing a strand of greasy hair from her face.

“You should go to her,” Beca said, her voice hoarse from disuse. “Go make sure she’s okay.”

“Will you come with me?” Aubrey asked, relieved to hear her voice, terrified at the sound of it so empty.

“She doesn’t want to see me,” Beca said, her voice void of emotion. As if she was stating a simple fact, and not a heartbreaking truth. “She doesn’t want me. I’m not going to force her to deal with me.” Beca blinked and swallowed, her throat dry and scratchy. “You should go. She needs someone.”

“Bec, I can’t leave you like this,” Aubrey said. “You need someone.”

“I’m fine,” Beca said. “I’m not sick. I’m not dying. I’m just… tired.”

“Beca-”

“Go,” Beca said. “Please. I’m not asking you to pick between us, she’s your best friend.”

“I’m calling Stacie and telling her to come over here,” Aubrey said. 

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Beca said, a hint of a growl in her voice. “Just go and find Chloe. She doesn’t want me, but she never told you she never wanted to see you again. So go.”

“And what do I say when she asks how you are?” Aubrey asked, feeling tears stinging her eyes.

“Tell her the truth,” Beca said. “Tell her I’m right where she left me. She can come and see for herself how I am.”

“Beca, what are you trying to do here? Are you just giving up on yourself because you think that'll, I don’t know, guilt her into coming back?” Aubrey asked, her fear, anger, and frustration getting the better of her.

Beca looked at her properly now, and the look in her eyes was something Aubrey had never seen before. It knocked the air out of her lungs.

“Fuck you,” she said. “Fuck you for thinking I’d stoop that fucking low.”

“Beca, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

“Get out. Find her or don’t, I don’t care, but I need you to get out of my house.”

Too scared to hear what Beca would say next, and too scared of making it worse, Aubrey apologised again before hurrying out of the house, guilt pooling in her stomach as she pulled out of the drive and drove off.

Beca started crying as soon as the front door closed.

Was that really what they thought of her?

That she was, what, faking? That she was doing this deliberately in the hopes that Chloe would hear about it and come back to her?

She didn’t want to be this way. She didn’t want to feel this way.

She wished she’d been able to do what Chloe had asked of her. She wished she’d been able to see that this was for the best. She wished she’d been able to carry on living. She wished she didn’t still love Chloe with every miserable atom in her body.

Well, if that’s what her friends thought of her, she’d be better off without them. She didn’t need them. She didn’t need any of them.

Aubrey would find Chloe, bring her back, and they could all carry on with their Bellas sisterhood without her.

She’d never really belonged anyway, no matter how much she’d wanted to believe she had.

God, she hated this.

She didn’t know if she’d ever felt lower in her entire life.

She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve it.

When the doorbell rang a little while later, she made no move to answer it.

Then she heard the door open, and she cursed Aubrey for not locking it after her, and she cursed herself for not getting up to check.

“Bec?” Stacie’s voice rang out in her otherwise silent house. “Aubrey called and told me what she said. She’s really sorry, and we’re all really worried about you.”

Stacie found her curled up in the bedroom, her back to the door.

“Beca, I’m sorry I haven’t been a better friend. I should have made more of an effort to check in on you,” Stacie said. “Aubrey’s going to get her back, you know? She’s going to fix this. And when Chloe comes back, you don’t want her to see you like this, do you?”

“I don’t really care, Stace,” Beca said. “I don’t think there’s any easy fix to this, do you? I think we’re past the point of things being fixed now.”

“So, what, this is it then? You’re just going to wallow here until you die?” Stacie asked. 

“Don’t know,” Beca said, turning her face away, her voice becoming muffled by the pillows. “Don’t care.”

“Fuck that,” Stacie said. “You do care. You care so much you feel like it’s going to shatter you. If you didn’t care, you’d be carrying on like normal.”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Beca said, the strain back in her voice. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to try, Beca. I want you to take a shower, change your clothes, eat something,” Stacie said. “You aren’t going to get better if you just… give up.”

“You make it sound easy.”

“It isn’t easy. You’re… I don’t think it would be a stretch of the imagination to say you’re depressed. Capital D Depressed. You can’t get out of bed, you aren’t eating, you aren’t going to work, you’re pushing away your friends.”

“I know what it is, Stacie, I’ve had it my entire life.”

“I know you have. Which means you should know that this kind of thing doesn’t fix itself. You need to work hard to get better. And it is hard, Beca. It will be hard. But you aren’t alone. Whether Chloe comes back or not, you aren’t alone. You have us. We’re your family Beca, we’ve got you.”

“Stop it,” Beca said, her voice wobbling now. “Please. Please just leave me alone.”

“No,” Stacie said. “You don’t get to give up.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to lose my friend,” Stacie said. “I don’t want to lose you. Neither does Aubrey, neither do any of the Bellas.”

“I’m tired. I’m really tired, Stacie.”

“I know,” Stacie said. “I’m sorry, Beca. I should have tried harder. I should have realised… When did you stop taking your meds?”

“A few days after she left. I just… I ran out. I forgot to get the prescription refilled with everything that happened. And then it was just… It was too late. It felt too late,” Beca said.

The anger had gone from Beca now, she was just tired and desperately unhappy.

“Aubrey shouldn’t have said that to you,” Stacie said, after a few minutes of silence.

“She doesn’t know. None of them do, just you and Chloe,” Beca said.

“She still shouldn’t have said it,” Stacie said. “She didn’t mean it. That isn’t what she thinks of you, it isn’t what any of us think of you.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Beca said. “I don’t know how to get better.”

“Start small,” Stacie said. “Shower and food, and tomorrow we’ll get you back on your meds. I’m not going anywhere, okay? I promise.”

Beca sniffed and nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”

After what seemed like a lot of effort, Beca managed to drag herself up and into the shower. While she showered, Stacie found some clean pyjamas and fixed her a sandwich.

Her phone buzzed with a text while she was heating some soup to go with the sandwich.

Aubrey: Found her. Convinced her to come home. She’s okay. xxx

Stacie: I’m glad she’s okay, but please don’t bring her to Beca’s. She’s in a bad way. Take her to our place, I’m going to stay with Beca until she’s feeling better xxx

Aubrey: Okay, give Beca my love, and tell her I’m sorry. Love you xxx

Stacie: Love you too xxx

“Hey,” Beca said, walking out of the bedroom, shivering in the cold air of the living room.

“Hi,” Stacie said, putting the soup and sandwich on the coffee table. “Feel better?”

“A little,” Beca said, sitting down on the sofa. “Thank you, you didn’t have to do this.”

“I know,” Stacie said. “Eat up.”

Stacie flicked through the TV channels as Beca ate, encouraging her to try and eat a little more every time she showed signs of stopping. 

Once Beca had eaten as much as she could, Stacie turned off the TV and turned to look at her. 

“Aubrey found her,” she said. “She’s bringing her back to our place.”

Beca nodded but didn’t say anything. 

“I told Aubrey not to bring her here,” Stacie said. “You need to focus on getting well again. And I’m going to stay here until you are.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Beca said, feeling relieved that she wasn’t about to be faced with Chloe yet. She wasn’t ready to see her. She didn’t know if she’d ever feel ready to see her. “You can go home, help make sure Chloe’s alright.”

“Chloe doesn’t need me,” Stacie said. “You do. You can’t do this on your own.”

Beca knew it was pointless arguing, so she just nodded, sitting back on the sofa.

“I never thought there’d be a time in my life when I didn’t want to see Chloe,” Beca said, her chest feeling heavy again. “What if I never want to see her again?”

“Then you don’t have to see her,” Stacie said. “I know she’s sick, I know she was trying to protect you, but she hurt you. You’re allowed to feel hurt. You’re allowed to be angry. Don’t force yourself to forgive her before you’re ready.”

“She might not even want my forgiveness,” Beca said. “I don’t know why I all of a sudden think she’d want to see me.”

“I don’t think she’d have agreed to come back if she didn’t want to see you,” Stacie said. “But you don’t have to worry about that yet. Focus on yourself first.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” Beca said. 

“I know,” Stacie said. “That’s why I’m here.”

Beca’s mouth twitched into a smile for the first time in over a month. “I guess I got lucky when my best friend turned out to be a therapist, huh?”

Stacie smiled back. “Very lucky,” she said. “Do you know how much I’d charge for a session like this normally?”

-

It was a few weeks later when Beca finally started to feel like herself again. She was back on her meds, eating and sleeping more regularly, and had started seeing a therapist that Stacie had recommended. She hadn’t gone back to work yet, but she was in regular contact with them, and they encouraged her to take however long she needed.

She hadn’t seen or spoken to Chloe yet.

Stacie had given her bits and pieces of information when Beca had asked for it, but she never pushed her to make contact.

She’d met up with Aubrey a few times, who also wasn’t pressuring her to meet with Chloe.

All Beca knew was that Chloe was well and that she wanted to see her, but she understood if that wasn’t what Beca wanted.

Beca didn’t know what she wanted.

She missed Chloe desperately, but she was so afraid to see her. So scared of what her reaction would be. What if she felt nothing but hatred? What if all the warmth she used to get from Chloe was gone, replaced by cold anger?

She knew it was a possibility that she’d see her and never be able to forgive her, and she wasn’t ready for the confirmation that their relationship was over.

So she kept putting it off, until, almost four weeks after Chloe came back, she agreed to meet her.

They met in a coffee shop near Stacie and Aubrey’s apartment, and Chloe arrived before Beca did.

It took Beca a few minutes to locate her. She’d been looking for the familiar flash of red hair that used to make her heart speed up, but when her eyes finally landed on Chloe, the red hair was gone.

She was wearing a navy beanie on her head, and a hoodie that Beca vaguely recognised as one of her own. The last time she’d seen Chloe wearing it, it had only just fit her. Now she was practically drowning in it.

She looked tired and uncomfortable, but when her eyes fell on Beca, they lit up. They sparkled like they always had, and her mouth broke into a smile, chapped lips almost splitting.

“Hi,” she said when Beca reached the table. “It’s so good to see you.”

“How are you?” Beca asked, watching her wearily.

“Better,” Chloe said, taking in Beca’s appearance. She looked like she’d lost weight too, and bags under her eyes let Chloe know she probably wasn’t sleeping well either. “I’m doing better.”

Beca nodded. “Good,” she said. “I’m glad.”

“How are you?” Chloe asked, her hands twitching in her lap as she fought the urge to reach out and take her hand.

Beca shrugged. “Fine,” she said. “Better than I was.”

“Good,” Chloe said. “Um, Stacie said you came off your meds for a bit. I’m glad you’re doing better now.”

Beca sighed and rubbed at her forehead. “Cool, glad she shared that. It was an accident, I didn’t just decide to do it. I… I was too focused on trying to find you, I didn’t realise I’d run out.”

“Bec, it’s okay, you don’t owe me an explanation,” Chloe said. She looked down at the tea in front of her, not wanting to meet Beca’s eyes. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“I’m gonna get a coffee,” Beca said, standing up. “Do you want anything?”

Chloe shook her head. She hated seeing the pain in Beca’s eyes. Hated that she had been the cause of it. She’d promised Beca she’d never hurt her and she’d done it anyway. She just hoped that whatever damage had been caused could be fixed. She hoped there was still a chance for them.

Beca got back a few minutes later with her coffee and something on a plate. She sat down and pushed the plate towards Chloe.

There was a gingerbread man in the shape of a snowman on the plate, complete with orange icing for the nose and chocolate chips for the buttons.

Chloe looked at Beca, who shrugged.

“They’re your favourite,” she said, not meeting her eye.

Chloe felt tears spring to her eyes as she broke it in half and offered it to Beca. Beca hesitated, then took it. Chloe smiled. Maybe there was hope for them yet.

“I, um, I’m really sorry for what I did Beca,” Chloe said, once the silence between them had stretched on too long. “I honestly thought I was making the right decision. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

Beca swallowed, her attention still focused on the broken gingerbread showman in her hands. She didn’t know what to say to that, so she took a bite of it.

“Bec, can I try and explain myself?” Chloe asked. “Can you just hear me out? Then, if you want nothing to do with me after that, I’ll understand. I won’t like it, but I’ll understand.”

Beca nodded, feeling the gingerbread sticking in her throat. She felt sick. She wanted to go home.

“So, um, I guess it starts a few days after my diagnosis, but before I saw the specialist,” Chloe said. “I didn’t tell you, but I called my Mom.”

Beca looked at her now, her eyes widening in surprise.

“Yeah,” Chloe said, rubbing the back of her neck. “I thought… I thought she should know. She asked… She asked me if I was still going to marry you. I thought she was just being her usual homophobic self, but then she said… She said I was selfish.” Tears filled her eyes but she carried on talking. “She said that staying with you was selfish. That I was going to ruin your life and break your heart if I made you watch me get sick and die. You know, the same thing my dad did to her.”

“Chloe,” Beca said softly, the first hint of warmth that Chloe had heard from her. It made her want to cry harder. “You should have told me.”

“I know,” Chloe said, sniffing and wiping her eyes. “I know that now.” She cleared her throat and took a sip of tea. “She told me I should come home. She told me she would take care of me, that that was her job as a mother.”

Beca scoffed before she could stop herself. “When has she ever cared about being a mother before?”

“I thought she was trying to change,” Chloe said, the ache and want in her voice evident. “I thought this would be different.”

“So you actually went to her? After everything she did to you growing up? After everything she’s done since?”

“I was scared,” Chloe said. “And guess what, it turns out brain tumours actually do have an impact on your decision-making abilities. My one, apparently, affected my ability to think rationally. It made me more impulsive. Anyway, I decided if the specialist told me it was benign, an easy fix, I’d stay. If… If he gave me bad news I would go.”

Beca swallowed, tears filling her eyes as she remembered that awful day. Listening to the neurosurgeon explain that, because of its size, the tumour was too risky to try and remove, but because it was cancerous, they couldn’t leave it in. He said they’d have to blast it with radiation, to try and shrink it down and stop the cancer spreading, then they’d try to remove it once it was a more manageable size. He explained how sick Chloe would get, and how risky the surgery would still be. How many things could go wrong. He gave Chloe her chances of survival, and they weren’t good.

Beca’s hand had gripped Chloe’s the whole time. She’d promised to be there with her. To take care of her. To do whatever she needed.

Chloe had been quiet. Hardly saying a word all night, or the few days that followed.

Now Beca knew why.

“So, you went to your Mom’s?” Beca asked, wanting to push those awful memories away.

“Yeah,” Chloe said. “And I realised my mistake as soon as I got there.” She wiped away another tear, and Beca could see her hand was shaking. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a steadying breath as she fought back the sudden wave of nausea. When she opened her eyes, Beca was looking at her with concern. “Sorry,” she said. “I’m just… I’m really tired.”

“Do you want me to walk you home?” Beca asked, finding it hard to stay angry at Chloe when she was looking so tired and weak.

“No,” Chloe said. “I owe you an explanation. I need you to know what happened.”

“We don’t have to do this now,” Beca said. “You can tell me another time.”

“Please,” Chloe said. “Please, let me finish?”

Beca sighed and nodded, and Chloe took another sip of her now cold tea.

“As soon as I got there… I should have just turned around and come home, but I was so tired. She… She made me pray with her. For hours. She kept saying the tumour was punishment from God for being a sinner. She,” Chloe’s voice broke and she took another drink of tea, “she said if I wanted to be cured then I needed to repent.”

“Jesus,” Beca said, softly. “What the fuck?”

“I refused,” Chloe said. “I told her this wasn’t why I’d come, and that first thing in the morning I’d be going home. I said I’d made a mistake. She woke me up every hour to pray with her, trying to get me to repent. To ask for forgiveness. I begged her to stop but she wouldn’t. I was so tired, Beca. I’d been awake for over 24 hours, and she wouldn’t let me sleep. So I just… I gave in. I asked God for forgiveness, and she let me sleep.”

“She’s… she’s fucking sick,” Beca said, her voice shaking as she tried to repress the anger she was feeling. “What she did… that’s torture, Chloe. It’s abusive.”

“I know,” Chloe said, her voice tired, her head hurting. “Which is why I planned to just play along until I’d slept enough, and then leave as soon as I got the chance. I… I was ready to go. My bag was packed, I had my car keys and then,” Chloe swallowed, and rubbed a hand against her forehead. “I had a seizure.”

Beca took a deep breath and forced herself not to cry. She reached out to take Chloe’s without thinking, and Chloe gripped it tightly like a lifeline.

“When I came round, my Mom had put me back in bed. I asked her to take me to the hospital, but she said I didn’t need any doctor, I just needed God. I… I was so scared, Beca,” Chloe said, her voice shaking. “I thought I was going to die, alone in that room, with no one there who loved me.”

“You didn’t have your phone,” Beca said, remembering the panic that had set in when she realised she couldn’t call Chloe. “You couldn’t call for help.”

“It felt like karma,” Chloe said. “It felt like I was being punished. I kept getting sicker. I got headaches so bad that I couldn’t see. All the days started to blend together, and I didn’t know what was real anymore. I… I started begging God to forgive me. To stop the pain.”

Beca sniffed and squeezed her hand tighter. “I called your mom, you know?”

“You did?”

“I called everyone. I called hospitals and the police and anyone I could think of who might have known where you were,” Beca said. “I… I was terrified. I called your Mom, and as soon as she heard my name, she hung up. I should have tried harder. I should have driven out there.”

“No,” Chloe said. “This wasn’t your fault. You’d never have thought to look for me there. I should never have gone there. I’m so sorry, Beca. I’m so sorry I put you through this.”

Beca shook her head and wiped her eyes again. “How did you get away from her? How did Aubrey find you?”

“I don’t know how long it had been, all the days sort of blended into one, but one day my aunt came over. Apparently, the people at my Mom’s church were worried because they hadn’t seen her in a while, and they asked my aunt to check on her. She found me in my old room and I… I was in really bad shape. I was dying. She called the cops, called an ambulance, and told my Mom that if she touched me again she’d kill her. She got me out. She saved me,” Chloe said. “I was pretty delirious, I didn’t know what was going on, but apparently I kept asking for you.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” Beca said. 

“Bec, you don’t need to apologise for anything. It was my fault you weren’t there. My fault I was even in that mess to begin with,” Chloe said. 

“So how long were you in the hospital for?”

“About a month I think,” Chloe said. “My health had deteriorated so quickly while I was at my Mom’s, because of the stress and lack of sleep and seizures and stuff, that the original treatment plan wasn’t an option anymore. It was either they operate or I die. The tumour was really screwing with me at this point, I didn’t know what was going on or what was real. They didn’t think I had the mental capacity to make the decision, so it was down to my aunt. The poor woman hadn’t seen me in god knows how long, and within the space of 48 hours she’d rescued me from my abusive mother and was having to make a life or death decision. She picked the surgery, which is why I’m sitting here without hair instead of lying in a cold metal drawer.”

Beca felt like something was squeezing her chest. Like something was constricting her air.

“I should have been there,” she said, tears falling quickly. “You shouldn’t have had to do that alone. You almost died and I… I was sulking because you left me.”

“Hey,” Chloe said. “Don’t downplay what you went through. It sounds like you had a pretty substantial depressive episode, and I’m so sorry that I was the one who triggered that. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was protecting you. I got it wrong, I know that now. I made a mistake.”

Beca nodded and used her free hand to wipe her eyes. “So, they got the tumour out then? The big-ass scary tumour that the other neurologist wouldn’t touch?”

Chloe smiled and nodded. “They got it out. Without messing up my eyesight or my speech, which apparently was like a million to one shot. I finished my last round of chemo a few days ago and I’ll go for a checkup in a couple of weeks to see if I’m cancer-free or not. But the doctors are hopeful. They think I’ve got a good chance of beating this thing.”

Beca smiled, genuinely smiled, for what felt like the first time in months. “I’m… I’m so glad you’re okay, Chloe. And I’m glad Aubrey was able to track you down.”

“Actually, my aunt tracked her down. She tried calling you but I guess your phone was off for a while,” Chloe said. 

“Yeah,” Beca said. “I kinda shut the world out for a while.”

“But you’re doing better now?” Chloe asked. “You’re back on your meds? Eating and sleeping and everything?”

“Yeah, I’m doing okay now,” Beca said. “I even started therapy.”

“That’s great, Beca. I’m really proud of you,” she said. She realised they were still holding hands across the table, and her thumb brushed against the side of Beca’s hand. “What happens now, Bec? What happens to us?”

Beca swallowed and her chest felt tight again. “I… I don’t know,” she said. “I’m sorry.” She pulled her hand away, and Chloe tried not to let the hurt show on her face.

“It’s okay,” Chloe said. “You don’t need to be sorry. I didn’t think we’d be able to just pick up from where we left off. I… I still love you. I never stopped loving you. I don’t know if that’s worth anything now, but I need you to know.”

“I still love you too,” Beca said, her eyes focused on her chipped nail polish. “But I can’t pretend that what you did didn’t hurt. I can’t pretend that you didn’t break my heart.” Her voice caught on the last word, and she looked up at the ceiling, trying not to cry. “You… You promised me so many times that you wouldn’t abandon me. That you wouldn’t leave without a word the way my dad did. And then you did exactly that. It… It made me question every other promise you made me. I’m scared I won’t be able to trust you again, Chloe, and I don’t know how we come back from that.”

“Can I play the tumour card one more time?” Chloe asked, her voice wobbly as tears filled her eyes. “It made me make rash decisions. It made me call my Mom for god’s sake, and then she got in my head too. I never wanted to hurt you, Beca, I really thought I was protecting you.”

“I know,” Beca said. “And I can tell myself that until I’m blue in the face, but it doesn’t change the fact that you did hurt me. Whatever the reason, whatever you intended, you hurt me. You left me without a word. Without giving me the chance to fight for you.”

Chloe swallowed, scared she was about to break down in the middle of the coffee shop. “So, what, that’s it? You won’t even try and see if we can work things out?”

“That isn’t what I said,” Beca replied. “I’m just… I’m trying to be honest with you. You’re asking me to forgive you, to give us another go, and I’m telling you I don’t know if I can. I don’t want to be one of those couples that fight all the time, Chlo’. That holds onto every grievance and resentment until they hate each other. I don’t want to hate you.”

Chloe nodded, looking down at her hands as the tears started falling. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry I did this to you. I’m sorry I did it to us.”

“Just,” Beca reached across the table to take Chloe’s hand again, “just give me some time. Let me think about it.”

“Okay,” Chloe said, squeezing Beca’s hand and wiping her eyes with her other. “Take all the time you need.”

“Come on, I’ll walk you home,” Beca said. “You look exhausted.”

It didn’t take long to walk back to Aubrey and Stacie’s place, and soon they were both lingering by the doorway. 

“Do you want to come in?” Chloe asked. 

Beca shook her head. “Thanks,” Beca said, “but I’m good. I need to go and make a mix or something. I need to think. I, um, I’m really sorry for what your Mom did to you, Chloe. And I’m really glad that you’re okay.”

She went to walk away but Chloe took hold of her wrist. 

“Beca, I love you. With every bit of my heart. You know that, right?”

Beca nodded. 

“I know there’s probably nothing I can do or say that will get you to trust me again, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying. I’m… I’m rooting for us. I’m not going to walk away from you again,” Chloe said. 

Beca looked at her. Looked at the sincerity in her eyes. Chloe really believed what she was saying. 

“I really want to believe you, Chloe,” Beca said. “I really want to trust you.” She took a step back, her wrist falling out of Chloe’s grasp. “I’ll call you, okay? You should get inside, it’s freezing out here.”

She turned and left, and began the long walk back home. 

-

Beca twisted the cap off her beer and joined Stacie on the sofa.

“I don’t know what to do,” she said, taking a long drink as she got comfortable.

“Yes you do, you’re just scared to do it,” Stacie said, taking a swig of her own. 

“Can you blame me? What would you do in this situation, if Aubrey did this to you?”

Stacie thought for a minute. “I think, if I thought Aubrey was dying, and then she was given a shot at a full life, I would see that as a miracle. I’d want to spend every single minute with her, regardless of what happened in between.”

Beca shook her head. “I guess you’re a better person than I am.”

“No,” Stacie said, “I’m not. Obviously, I don’t know what I’d do in this situation, because I can’t imagine it ever happening to me. None of us thinks these kinds of things will happen to us.”

Beca took another drink. “I did. When Chloe and I first started dating, like when we got serious, I kept waiting for her to leave. I kept waiting for that moment when she’d realise I wasn’t good enough for her. She spent years convincing me that I was good enough. That I was the person she wanted to spend her life with. I actually started to believe her.”

“Bec, it was one mistake. And I know it was a big one, especially for you, but she was scared. She made one mistake, and she tried to take it back straight away, but she got stuck. She got sick and she got trapped,” Stacie said. “I know you’re hurt, and I know you’re scared, but I don’t think she’d do anything to hurt you like that again.” Beca still looked doubtful. “Look, I didn’t come over to convince you to give her another chance. I’m here for you, to make sure you’re okay. We don’t have to talk about Chloe anymore if you don’t want to.”

“Okay,” Beca said. “Thank you.”

“But I think you’ve made up your mind about what you want to do. And whatever that decision is, whether you try again, or you officially end it, you need to do it soon. You can’t just leave her in limbo forever. She doesn’t deserve that,” Stacie said. 

“Noted,” Beca said, taking another drink to try and push down the swirling nerves in her stomach. “Any more final words before we talk about something else?”

“I just… I think life’s too short not to be with the people you love. And I think if you walk away from this you’ll kick yourself for not even trying. You got mad that Chloe left without giving you a chance to fight for her, well now you have a chance to fight.”

-

Beca: Meet me at the coffee shop tomorrow? X

Chloe: Sure. I have an appointment in the morning, I can meet you at 1 pm? Xx

Beca: See you then xx

-

This time Beca arrived before Chloe, and she tried to keep her nerves under control as she watched the door.

When Chloe finally arrived she felt something tug in her chest at the sight of her. 

She was still wearing the beanie which covered her still very short hair, but her eyes seemed a little brighter. Her face a little fuller.

“Hey,” she said, joining Beca at the table. “How are you?”

“Yeah, I’m good thanks, how are you?”

“Good,” Chloe said, her eyes sparkling. She was biting her bottom lip like she was trying to stop a grin from spreading across her face.

“What?” Beca asked.

“Beca, I’m in remission,” she said, practically squealing. “It’s been like two months now since I had my operation, and there’s been no tumour regrowth, and all my scans and tests have come back clear. They still want me to go in every few months for scans and tests, and I might need more chemo in the future, but, for now, I am cancer free!”

“Oh my god, Chloe, that’s amazing!” Beca said, leaning across the table to give Chloe a hug. “You totally kicked cancer’s ass!”

“I kinda did, right?” Chloe said laughing. The hug ended and they held eye contact as they sat back in their seats. “So, am I getting more good news or is it not so good news?” She tried to keep her voice light, but Beca could tell she was nervous.

“Yeah, it’s um, it could be either, depending on how you feel about me,” Beca said, rubbing the back of her neck. “I’m sorry I’ve kept you waiting so long.”

“It’s okay,” Chloe said. “I mean, it’s been tortuous, I’ve missed you so much, but I understand why you needed time.”

“I missed you too,” Beca said. 

“Come on then,” Chloe said. “Let’s hear it.”

“I, um, I don’t really know the best way to say this-”

“Bec, it’s okay, you can tell me,” Chloe said, tears shining in her eyes now. “If you’re trying to think of a way to let me down gently you don’t have to. You can just rip the bandaid off.”

“That’s… That’s not what I’m doing.”

“It’s not?”

“No,” Beca said. She took another breath and she forced herself to look into Chloe’s eyes. “Chloe, will you come home? Please?”

Chloe blinked. “You want me to move back in?”

“I want you to come home,” Beca said. “I’m not saying we should pick up right where we left off, but I also don’t want us to start from scratch. I love you and I miss you, and I don’t want to waste any more time living without you. I… I almost lost you. I did lose you. And now I have a chance to have you back? To have a full life with you? I… I want that with you, Chloe.”

Chloe let out a watery laugh as tears began falling rapidly down her cheeks. She reached out and took hold of Beca’s hand, and Beca wasted no time in entwining their fingers.

“I want that too,” Chloe said. “God, I want it so much, Beca. I miss you and love you so much.”

Beca grinned as she started crying too. “I want to give us the best chance we can, Chlo’. If it doesn’t work out, I want to know that we did everything we could.”

“It will work out,” Chloe said. “I won’t ever let you go again. I won’t ever run away again, no matter what’s going on, no matter how scared I am.”

“I know,” Beca said. “But I also think we should look into doing couples counselling or something. We hit a bump that brought up a lot of stuff for both of us, and I think we need help in sorting through it all.”

“Yeah, of course, whatever you need,” Chloe said. “Beca, do you really mean this? You really want me to move back in?”

“Yeah,” Beca said. “I mean it. How many people get a second shot at a happy ending? We thought… We thought you didn’t have much time, and we’ve been given a miracle. I don’t want to throw that away because I got hurt. I don’t want to be that closed off broken person anymore. I don’t want to be too scared of getting hurt to allow myself to love.”

Chloe cupped Beca’s face in her hands. “I love you,” she said. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Beca said, grinning so hard her face was starting to hurt. “So, will you come home?”

“Yes,” Chloe said, half laughing, half crying, as she pulled Beca into her arms again. “Yes, I’ll come home.”

#no matter the timeline #101 ways to say i love you with actions #101 ways to say i love you #bechloe #bechloe fanfiction #bechloe fanfic #bechloe fic #bechloe prompt #prompt #prompt request #bechloe prompt request #bechloe angst #angst #tw: depression #tw: homophobia

[saintarmand]

gonna post some screenshots from a particular user in the vampterview community and the users liking their garbage posts, just in case some of you haven't heard. should become obvious why i'm highly suspicious of anyone who interacts with any of these users.

please just read the posts. sorry i'm not providing image descriptions, please dm me if you need them and i'll add them when i can!

the first post is just one example one of many on this blog, the second one might seem innocuous if you see it on your own but in combination with the others, not so much. please pay attention to the people liking these.

then we have an anon complimenting the wisdom and maturity of this person, who then replied with several paragraphs:

and got likes from two of the same users and two others.

then they self reblogged one of the posts from earlier and continued:

obviously this last post is the most egregious, and not everyone is bold enough to press like knowing that likes are public and could affect their reputation in the fandom. but i am going to assume that the people liking the other posts, which weren't all in public tags, are this person's followers and have seen all the other posts and believe this kinda shit is acceptable. and that speaks volumes about them as people.

i'm personally not going to assume that everyone who's ever liked or reblogged from any of these users did it knowing what kind of people they are (i didn't always know that either, and have probably reblogged from at least one of them before i did) but i am highly suspicious of anyone reblogging from them or interacting with them in a friendly way, and if i see people i follow doing that, i am going to unfollow unless i have very good reason to believe they genuinely had no idea, in which case i will message first.

i hope none of my followers need me to actually explain why what they're saying is absolute garbage but if you genuinely don't get the problem, dm me and i can find you some links about racism 101 i guess

EDIT/UPDATE:

someone asks nalyra what's going on

she later adds this, linking to a post that links back to this very post you're reading right now

track you UNliking something? GIRL WHY DID YOU LIKE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

i do love how if you read this and don't bother clicking the link she sounds kind of reasonable, and even like she's taking accountability (she's not denying anything! she's linking to a source so people can judge for themselves!) just not SO much accountability that she'll actually say what she did. gotta click those links to find out, and let's face it, the majority of the people who see her post are simply going to assume she's being unfairly targeted again. i mean, she posts about it all the time! why bother even checking, it's not like she would ever link to, say, screenshots of her liking a post that says affirmative action is the only system of oppression based on race and anti-white racism is real

EDIT #2:

since it seems like i can't add more images here, i'm going to link to where i reblogged pretty-weird-ideas' post about this with another screenshot i took the same day, of nalyra liking yet another untagged post from cosmic

#s

[danger-bird]

Touchstarved Astrology Headcanons🌠

Mostly based on my own irl observations over the years, as well as my bookworm era a few years ago . Also taking into account my own impressions & feelings for the LIs, so sufficiently biased and I'm not sorry. In the words of Danny DeVito: "I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it!" /lovingly❤️

Ais

Venus in Virgo. Period. I'm dying on this hill. Fight me. No but fr, first he's a diehard animal lover and will jump into a dog fight to save a puppy. Second, he's giving "mother hen" behavior - says "watch your step", then grabs you when you trip and scolds you "told you to watch your step"(Virgo 101); sends you off with an ESCORT, jumps in fists first when the roughneck tries fighting you then hides you from the purple gang later and escorts you back himself - need I say more? Not to mention he VERY likely helped Kuras save us (his scent lingers in the clinic when MC wakes up), and helps in the clinic regularly (so a part-time nurse, most likely helped save Mhin too). Also, he was definitely watching over us even before the Seaspring (the scarred woman knew our name from somewhere, also the Unnamed can feel Ocudeus' presence outside the clinic). He craves taking care of someone - people, animals, soulless, poor unfortunate souls - you name it. And it's not for show - that's just how he is. That's how he shows love - by being attentive. All my favorite people have this placement, they're all like him in this regard - best Venus placement imo (yes, I'm a biased Venus in Taurus, BUT I'm also right, lol)

Scorpio Ascendant I mean... come on. Come on. He's LITERALLY a gang leader! Not that anybody needs convincing, but aside from the sharp, intense eyes and the fact he oozes sex appeal, this would place his Sun in 10th House- he is known publicly as a leader, his presence demands respect and attracts attention. BDE for sure. Also he's very smart, intuitive and observant. Very aware of his surroundings, can pick up on people's moods & intentions like it's nothing. I'm convinced he can literally read our mind. A smart, sexy and caring bastard, lord help me...

Kuras

Virgo Signature sign Kuras is very service-oriented, focused on helping the community and always looking for ways to assist others. Very mindful of people’s problems and what they’re in need of - and ready to provide it, no matter what it may cost him. He’s also very polite, but comes off rigid, like he’s read “Social Etiquette for Humans 101” and is following it to the letter lol. Also kinda nerdy – has his special interests, and if you let him he’ll talk about reductions and concoctions all day, every day. I don't think it's a specific placement that influences this behavior, it's the whole picture, thus - a signature sign!

Saturn Dominant This man is a Capricorn already, sure, but there’s a difference. Capricorn placements have an inner spark, a fire about them – they’re ambitious and driven while being practical and disciplined. Saturn, however, is a dry and dark, malefic - almost apocalyptic planet. It’s the last visible planet – the gatekeeper of the divine knowledge (depicted by the outer planets). It represents time, boundaries, a sense of duty and responsibility, guilt and the consequences of one's actions. A symbol of Kronos and the Devil, it represents the falling of God, the grotesque expression of divinity. Kuras has a curious mind, fascinated by science and humanity, and in light of the Kuras character lore (and his not-too-subtle mischievousness) he def has strong Uranus & Jupiter influence as well. But the Saturnian themes in particular parallel the themes and main conflict in his story most strongly.

Mercury Retrograde I had to. The way he's so precise and eloquent, but roundabout when he talks? How he's so tight-lipped and takes his sweet time before answering a question? Mercury retrograde, 100 percent. I don't make the rules.

Mhin

Moon in 1st House. How do I know? I have it. The color of printer paper (the sun hates us), emotions written all over their entire existence and impossible to hide, as well as rather intense emotional outbursts? Yes, yes and yes. Big-time tsundere? Yes. Big softy, too? Yes. We could be twins, honestly. I stg they have a crush on Ais, but unlike with Kuras they're not happy about it. I dunno, call it twin telepathy. The Christmas photo doesn't help either.

Water moon, most likely in Cancer. Not Scorpio, because their emotions fluctuate rapidly, and are overtly moody. The difference between big waves and a rip current, for example. But more so, this makes for a Sun-Moon square - the dissonance and lack of harmony between their outer persona and their inner needs and desires is clear. They have difficulty expressing their emotions, not difficulty as in showing them, but in a way where they come off wrong and get interpreted the wrong way. Very protective, like a smol soft crabbie shielding themselves with their shell. Pushes people away consciously, but hoping for someone to have enough of a "spine" to handle them and protect them, giving them a safe space to finally relax. Most of all they need love, reassurance and acceptance (my poor little meow meow💙)

Mars square Mercury That Mercury is in Aries, you can't tell me otherwise. The extra 'angry' coming from Mars in Capricorn is helping, too. But not only that, it also makes a square to their Sun AND an opposition to their Moon - a T-square, a highly difficult & stressful configuration. The Mars is in Capricorn because they like a partner with authority and attitude (Cap in 7th), and it makes for good synastry with Kuras (my cutie patooties). Also for how small they are, they're very agile and skilled with knifes (ruled by Mars).

Leander

Venus conjunct Pluto. Sexy. Magnetic. He pulls you in with the gravitational force of his tits. These people are the definition of an intense lover. Obsessive and hungry for love - and pain, equally, very big on extreme and overwhelming sensations. You have a terrible curse? Oooh, danger - gimme! You can never give them too much attention - they want it all, and they're not sharing. Possessive, wants to draw you into their little world and keep you for themselves.

Leo Ascendant, for a few reasons. I was initially thinking Libra, but after looking at everything, I decided on Leo. He has a noble presence - not surprising considering his upbringing. He's a very charismatic talker, well-spoken, lovely voice, can charm anyone into trusting him (Libra in 3rd coming through). To his credit, he takes his work seriously and comes off as a reliable boss (Cap in 6th, also Taurus in 10th). He wants to take care of people... or rather, wants to be seen as a savior. I really see him as a Gemini-Cancer cusp, but technically he's a Cancer so his sun will be in 12th house. It’s a house of self-undoing, the afterlife, illusions - ego and reality go to disintegrate here. All that connects into the life-and-death theme surrounding him and his design. The sun here becomes a fantasy, a goal rather than reality – a dream of being a leader, a hero, someone who people look up to for help and answers. He’s really giving Jesus-wannabe, with the resurrection and savior complex he has going on, as well as the over-the-top generosity. A big red crab, with a big red flag... and the tits to match (Cancer rules the booba).

Vere

Venus conjunct Midheaven, Midheaven being in Scorpio. With Sun in Scorpio. Lots of Scorpio. He’s so pretty! Pretty in an elegant, sensual, effortless yet manicured to perfection way. Apparently, the BBC (Big Bulky Collar) on him does not signal “DANGER!” to the rascals who take him for an easy target, because all they see is the approachable, delicate face and inviting voice. He knows the effect he has on people, and he’s using it to his advantage – to get a free drink, or to make people trust him juuust enough to get what he wants. He is attracted to power, powerful people, and wants power for himself – and he’s ruthless about achieving his goals, too (Scorpio in 10th); there’s a lot of gossip surrounding this man’s public image, his reputation. Venus conjunct Midheaven places a focus on art – he is an artist, appreciates art as well as creating it himself. He IS the art, or that’s the perception of him anyway.

Venus in Scorpio As Venusian as he appears, Venus is in detriment here – there’s conflicting emotions regarding his looks, and the perception of him – or rather, the expectations placed on him because of it. He'll break rules on purpose, act outrageous, play coy, use his beaty for all its worth – he’ll purposefully play the ‘bad guy’ as a form of rebellion, a defense mechanism. He can’t find comfort in a traditional relationship dynamic and has a hard time liking someone who likes them back - he’s afraid of commitment. I believe his confidence is a façade; there’s an underlying fear of betrayal and rejection, and a paranoia that any good thing that comes his way is a trick, a trap, or a lie. That he doesn’t deserve love or care, really. Buuut… if you’re like Ais and see him for all his ‘ugly’, and accept him anyway… then you’re really something💜.

1525 words. Yikes. I tried keeping the word count down.

Unsuccessful. Obviously.

If you’ve read this far, go have some water, a snack, a stretch – you deserve it! Doctor’s orders!!!

.

.

P.S. : Ais' side profile sprite is giving me "ex-punk mom wearing a cozy cardigan", is it just me? Anyone? Are you seeing it? Am I crazy? Do I need help?...

...I'll see myself out.

.

.

#ps: he just looks so cozyyyyy~ #call me a dictionary bc I'm full of words #and thoughts #this took waaay too long to write #touchstarved game #ais #kuras #leander #mhin #vere #touchstarved headcanons #astro observations

[ankles-be-bitten]

i may have fallen victim to the curse of the Bad Aziraphale Take with this post, so i'd like to right my wrongs:

i still agree with this, however i would like to add some insight: the metatron is definitely orchestrating their falling out. he knows exactly what he's doing & he knows that he can't control aziraphale as long as he has crowley on their side--that's emotional abuse 101. the victim is isolated from their real support systems, and the only place they have left to turn is their abuser. i believe that aziraphale knows what he's doing, and that he's just going along with heaven as far as he can in order to protect his demon, but from the metatron's perspective things have to look like they're going according to plan.

i think... maybe this is only half true? not sure what i was thinking when i wrote this; it was late. whatever.

crowley is an optimist, but he clearly had his doubts about how aziraphale would respond, which is indeed based in reality. aziraphale doesn't have a great track record as far as assuming the best of him in the moment (which, i must add, isn't his fault. it is one of his flaws, however). i think the important thing is that he trusts aziraphale to do the right thing in the end.

i still agree with this. however, i want to acknowledge that i felt this was unfair at the time, but in retrospect i was ignoring aziraphale's dependency on external validation that crowley does not have. crowley is far more independent than aziraphale, and i acknowledged this, but i framed it originally as "crowley has an unfulfilled need," rather than what i now think it really is, which is that AZI has an unfulfilled need.

yeah, there it is. different people, different needs.

as far as it being strange that aziraphale didn't pick up on what crowley needed in that moment right away, i do still feel that way--sort of. i honestly at this point just want to pin it down to him being excited.

whatever you have to say can wait--we have all of eternity to say whatever we want, in complete security. we won't have to hide. we can be together. and he wants so badly to be together. that's literally all he wants. he wasn't even a little interested in returning to heaven until the metatron told him that crowley could tag along. this is manipulation 101, people! the metatron knows, or at least can intuit, that crowley wouldn't want to become an angel again. he knows exactly what he's doing to them. this is not a good faith offer.

most of the rest of that post is me rambling about my interpretation of aziraphale's actions and the reasoning behind them. feel free to read the full take if you'd like, but i don't believe it's necessary to break down the whole thing. it mostly boils down to aziraphale needs to see people as people before he can respond properly to their needs. i may or may not still agree with that, i'm on the fence, but if that is the case, it's 100% because heaven has conditioned him to be that way. you need to earn salvation, you need to earn love, you need to earn humanity.

i originally used job as a counter example, but he may actually be a paragon of this interpretation. if anyone deserves salvation, it was job--righteous job, level-headed job, job who lost everything but never, ever lost faith in the Almighty. if anyone has earned aziraphale's sympathy, it's him.

this is just a wonky take. he does care, or else he wouldn't be making the offer. interrupting crowley might have been selfish in the short-term, but to aziraphale, the long-term result is eternity together unhindered. they will have all the time in the world to be an us if they can only get out from under the watchful, dangerous, probing eye of heaven.

i think i was getting close to the point here, but i was still framing it from the perspective that aziraphale had woefully wronged crowley, and that he's not also a victim of the system here. i was in far less certain terms falling into the "aziraphale is naive" trap, when in reality he just wanted to be safe. as archangel, he can do as he pleases without fear of retribution. he has never, ever felt safe before--not safe to ask questions, not safe to be seen with crowley, not safe to run off to alpha centauri with him. blaming him for prioritizing crowley's safety is more than a little silly.

this is just... the ick. it feels like a whole other person wrote this. i am trying so hard to give myself grace for this absolutely rot-gut take.

yikes. yikes yikes yikes. i'm not sure anymore if crowley has ever expressed a pointed distaste for being an angel again; that may just be misguided on my part. somehow i'm victim-blaming both of them here, while also completely misrepresenting aziraphale's intentions. i'm falling into the "he doesn't love crowley enough/the way he deserves" trap, painting him once again as naive, blind, and selfish. oopsie daisy.

i still believe the kiss was an offer akin to the ox rib, extremely alcoholic breakfasts, what have you. it's possible crowley doesn't feel seen--i might even go so far as to say that that's likely--but not in the way i stated originally. he's heartbroken. he's devastated. he might even feel betrayed. but just because he feels that way doesn't make it the truth, and i think a mistake i've made throughout this particular text is mistaking how aziraphale's actions look from the outside for his actual intentions.

i think this was mostly right up until the part about azi being selfish. he's far from selfish, he's not even close to naive. assuming he made a mistake in the f15 at all, he absolutely knows it now. he will do anything it takes to be with crowley.

at the time of this addendum i think he's made a Plan™ and is trying to convince himself he's made the right choice. all will make sense in the end. or maybe it won't. we'll figure it out--some things take time, and we don't have all the information.

i do believe that about covers it. in summary, they are both victims and treating either of them like they're naive or stupid for making the choices they did is unfair because they're both doing the best they can with the information they have available to them. it's heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, and really, really unfortunate. but it's neither of their fault. it's literally all the metatron. if heaven and hell were out of the picture, crowley would've been free to confess and aziraphale free to reciprocate--but that's just not their reality. everything aziraphale does is in order to keep crowley safe, in the interest of us long-term. crowley knows he has a hard time expressing himself, and so he wants to get it out fast, and that's valid; aziraphale having reservations due to safety concerns is just as valid.

it's neither of their fault.

#ineffables #ineffable husbands #ineffable spouses #ineffable wives #ineffable divorce #the final fifteen #f15 #good omens #gomens #good omens meta #good omens analysis #good omens speculation #good omens spoilers #good omens brainrot #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #good omens discourse #bad aziraphale takes #aziraphale defense squad

[allastoredeer]

~Lucifer blanches. He looks around, as if trying to find a sense of Alastor’s words somewhere in the trash-heap he calls a room, before rounding back to him, lips pulling up in disgust. “Are you asking me out?”

“Ahaha!” Alastor laughs, slapping him so hard on the back it nearly takes Lucifer off his feet. “Oh, Heavens no. I’m just proposing we let Hell continue thinking that you and I are,” he waves his hand, searching for the word, “in cahoots. In that way.”~

This is golden comedy right here. Honestly every time I read ur fic I always start wheezing so hard I can’t breathe, u are an amazing writer, hope u know that. When I saw ur last update on the ‘damage control’ chapter i was so excited i devoured it so fast help

Alastor saying he wants to be in ‘cahoots’ with Lucifer it’s so funny to me cause no one use that term anymore, and Lucifer is just downright dumbfounded that they are even having the conversation. I can imagine the shadow rolling his eyes at them, we need more sassy shadow moments, he is so underrated. 😭😭

I love that Lucifer is trying to respect Al boundaries, especially after the ‘incident’ , and doesn’t pry to much on his scars, but now I am curious about what did Al meant. Does he not remember who did that to him? 🥺

Also I am curious about what they gonna tell to the others about their new found relationship. I don’t think Lucifer would want to lie to Charlie, but I also think that it would be too risky to make the whole crew knew they are acting, someone might slip. And it’s not like Al is gonna make it easy for Lucy anyway. If they want to be credible, less ppl knowing it’s best course of action for me.

Last thing~ I really wanted to thank you, cause ur fic really brings me a lot of joy since I recently only been able to find happiness in small things like these , and I I can’t wait to read more🌈

Hehehe, Alastor purposefully refusing to go into depth about their "sexual relationship," and even side-stepping outright calling it a relationship, is what's going to make it all more entertaining when he actually has to commit to the bit. Cuz you see, they're not fucking. They're "in cahoots."

It's different.

(I love Alastor's Shadow being sassy. If it's attached to Alastor, it has to be. I take no critiques.)

😈 Alastor and his scars is something I'm very excited to get into it. I've been thinking about them for a while, and while it may take a bit to actually get the answer, I'm very eager to get there when we do.

The way I see it, Alastor doesn't want to tell the others (as they already know their not actually dating--as he made VERY clear last time), but Lucifer isn't going to be okay with lying to Charlie. Out of the group, Alastor knows he can trust Husk and Niffty to keep it a secret. Maybe Angel Dust too. But he's most worried about Charlie and Vaggie.

Vaggie isn't a good liar, and Charlie's such an open, bright, heart-on-her-sleeves person, he doesn't trust her to keep up the ruse without letting something slip--most likely by accident.

But Lucifer is stubborn. He doesn't want to lie to Charlie, and if he tells Charlie, Charlie is going to tell Vaggie. If Vaggie knows, well, we already know she has a hard time lying on the spot, so if the others see Alastor and Lucifer suddenly "in cahoots," and ask about it, she's not going to be able to come up with a plausible excuse on the fly.

This is all to say, the next installment is going to be full of silly Hazbin Crew hijinks, where Alastor is forcefully enrolled into Chaggies Dating 101 Crash Course, and he is definitely not setting the grading curve. (And maybe we'll even get a bit of HuskerDust thrown in there, who knows. Certainly not me).

And it warms me so much to know that my fic can bring you joy in a time that such things are scarce 🥺 I can't wait to share more of the story with you!

#seriously #getting asks like these brighten my day to know end #I like keeping actual story elements and plot hooks a secret until we get there in the fic #but GOD #when you guys ask questions about it I just want to blab everything #ive got so many thoughts on the brain and I wanna SHAARRREEEE #Im so happy my fic is helping through a hard time #that's such an amazing thing to hear and i sincerely hope that whatever situation your in gets better #in the meantime #pls accept these absolute goofuses stumble their way into an actual queer relationship #hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #lucifer morningstar #the radio demon #appleradio #lucifer magne #asks #charlie hazbin hotel #hazbin charlie #charlie morningstar #vaggie #chaggie #niffty #charlotte morningstar #vaggie hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #husk #hazbin husk

[ystrike1]

The reincarnated villainess cannot escape from the demon king's obsession - By 朝凪りん 朝凪りん (6/10)

This one is seriously frustrating. An author reincarnates into her own novel. Everything is different. There's a demon king, and she wasn't a fantasy writer. She wrote historic drama. She's so dumb that it makes the story less enjoyable. The yandere is good.

Elisa wrote a sweet but dramatic tale about an evil illegitimate daughter, and a pure true daughter destined to return and take the crown.

She lies down and relaxes. All is well. She reincarnates before the main character, Iris, is impregnated by the prince. That's when Elisa starts doing horrible, illegal things to ruin her sister's perfect future. Elisa was never kind, but she leaves Iris be to be wooed by the prince.

It's all very sweet? Elisa wrote this novel...she should know her fate better than anyone. Iris has true love. Their father favors only her. The prince pushes every bully off of her flowery path. Elisa was always a poor replacement for the real daughter too. It's clear that they intend to get rid of her. Elisa became a villainess in an attempt to survive and get power. The original author KNOWS this but she thinks hiding in her room will solve everything.......she doesn't even make any alliances.

Idiot author reincarnator even cries at their wedding, like a fool. Completely oblivious to the fact that she's standing alone at the biggest social event of the season. She's of age, but she doesn't even have a date or a suitor. While Iris is literally in the royal family. It's politics 101. Elisa is CLEARLY being pushed out. One sister marrying, and one not even being considered by anyone, is kind of a big deal in a historic setting.

There's a Demon King running around.

Her memory is fuzzy.

She knows she died.

She doesn't remember how though, and the Demon King isn't trying to take over. He has the country gripped in fear, because nobody knows what he wants.

The obvious plot twist happens right after the wedding. Elisa has stained the honor of her family (she's an adopted daughter they no longer need) so she must marry a corrupt man. By the way its clear they've always despised her. They give her to a man that likes to beat women.

She's so dumb its unbelievable. She protests for 5 seconds, but then she remembers Elisa was a big fat meanie pants.

....maybe that means she deserves to get tortured???

Huh??.?

Did you forget you're the author???

You are not Elisa, and you are not responsible for her actions. You didn’t interfere with the royal wedding at all this time, so they're clearly being cruel because you've lost the power you once had. Elisa's villainy was the only way to survive in a pit of vipers that didn’t want her around. She's kind of the victim if you think about it for two seconds, but you wanna suffer forever because you were born in her sinful body...

...

...

I can't even...

Demon King Noah saves her from her constant idiocy. The truth begins to become clear. Her soul is connected to his. He dragged her into this world somehow, and he changed it to make it their ideal world. In the human world he was actually a small child, and the author was his other half. The age difference made being with her impossible so bang. New world. Is this world even real? Is Noah powerful enough to make a peaceful fantasy land exactly like her book?????

That would be incredible, but the author is dumb as a brick. A stump. Hey. Romance authors. Self insert crap ruins almost everything it touches. Please stop. Nobody wants to watch a brain dead doll get plowed. I would much rather see a terrified reincarnator run away in the middle of the night. She escapes to a border town. It shakes like a mirage. The whole world is a mirage. Noah appears and says he's been looking for her, and he made a world just for them....

But nooooooooooooooooooooooo erotica has to be dumb.

I'm most likely right about the child version of him luring her to her death. That's still cool, but she's supposed to be the author of this story. Any published author with a working brain would question what's happening. They'd be creeped out. They would explore. You can keep the page count the same too. It wouldn't be hard to remove all the dumb lines and replace them with her being suspicious of the other "humans", who don't quite feel real.

Wasted potential.

Squandered potential.

Boo.

I'm booing in the stands.

Don't marry a r****** just cuz your abusive not father tells you to.

Blah.

#The reincarnated villainess cannot escape from the demon king's obsession #yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended

[timemachineyeah]

Ready for my hot take?

The Last Airbender (2010) was ultimately a force for good.

It was a terrible, terrible movie. Adapted from a very popular show.

ATLA was at the height of its fandom. And it was a toxic fandom. Ship wars and mocking each other and general anger were pretty hard to avoid, even when carefully curating your fandom experience.

And then this very bad movie came out and we all had a common enemy.

No, my point is not that the movie temporarily united a divided fandom against a common enemy, though it did do that. And I think that helped.

My point is everyone agreed the movie was bad.

And fandom’s favorite thing to do, then and now, is to morally justify their taste.

Not just fandom. Critics. Analysts. We love to pretend there is a deep meaningful truth underneath what we do and don’t like. (There isn’t, but that’s okay).

The fight against the whitewashed casting was the first time many people had heard of the history whitewashing in Hollywood. The campaign against it gained mainstream press coverage.

But in a kind of, “Are these criticisms right? Is Hollywood racist? Or do they just hate fun? You decide!” way.

As someone going “uh, this is super racist”, it was both frustrating and eye-opening to learn how not mainstream that take was.

Before the movie came out, arguments about the whitewashing were heated and divided. Who says these characters have to be Asian? Maybe they just cast the best actors! Why does everything have to be about race? I had these conversations both online and in person.

But then people actually saw the movie and it sucked.

And they were pissed off about it. They felt a moral outrage at how badly their beloved show had been adapted.

But that’s a subjective moral outrage. After all, how bad of a crime is making a bad movie, really? But racism? That’s a real moral failure. One you can point to to buoy the opinion you already want to have.

After the movie came out, people defending its whitewashing basically disappeared. It was fun to dunk on the movie, and no one wanted to defend it any more anyway. The irony of things like it butchering the pronunciation of Aang’s name under the guise of “authenticity” while casting a little white boy to play what is clearly a Tibetan Monk was just too delicious a hypocrisy to lay at its feet.

Basically, accepting that the characters were Asian and Indigenous, and that it’s bad to cast white actors to play characters of color, was thrust into more popularity by the movies other failures.

People who hadn’t been privy to these conversations before the movie came out went to see this movie, had a terrible time, and were predisposed to accept criticism of it. So they were fully in a perfect mood to be given a lesson in Racism and Representation 101. And public consciousness spiked.

The organized effort to move the needle of popular discussion around casting in Hollywood would likely have actually been stymied if the movie had been good cinema. People would not have wanted to hear legitimate criticism of that really good movie they just saw.

Obviously the best outcome would have been both a good movie and an appropriate cast for said movie. A blockbuster action adventure family film led by an entirely poc cast that was critically acclaimed good entertainment in 2010 would have been incredible.

But that was probably never likely. Let’s be honest, sticking the landing on that adaptation was always going to be tricky (though I certainly never expected it to be THAT bad). And if it had been a flop and had an Asian cast, the 2010 media analysts would’ve blamed the casting.

So all things considered, the outcome we got was probably one of the better ones? If you do racist casting, then being a catastrophic failure on every other level is probably for the best. Then we can blame the failure on the racism, and Hollywood can seriously sit back and ask itself, “should we… at least talk about… being less racist? Maybe?”

And then they go on to whitewash a bunch more movies, but at least going “dude that sucks” is a way more mainstream response afterwards.

#timemachine wuz here #atla #avatar the last airbender #the last airbender