#12 JUST DROPPED IT OUT OF NOWHERE AND IT WAS SO FUNNY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

byrdtrolls · 2 months

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Three Things Casmie Bishop Doesn't Remember, But Only Because She's Dead

The backroom of the Anglerfish looks like a gym locker room. Cubbies line the wall, holding bags, heels, normal clothes that had been changed out of. Often you would find one of the trolls leaning out the backdoor with a cigarette on their fifteen, or giggling with their friends on one of the long benches. There's a tiny little altar by the window, where a worn print picture of Kokoro Kimura sits. These things are everywhere in most places owned by The Falling Moons, littered with candles and half eaten snacks and coins and cigarette butts and anything else deemed a worthy offering to the 300 sweeps dead Mafia founder. The falling apart photo print watches over the room like a strange little saint of lower caste gang members and whores. There are other photos, ones girls at the club had hung up off their lost family members or messiahs. Casmie has put a photo of her still living cat up there, ironically. Sunset is painstakingly unclipping each clip of a tall pair of platform boots with a sigh worthy of a troll at the end of a long shift. The woman next to him is throwing on a black sweater, already feeling the chill of the outside wind.

“How’d you know I was ex-circus?” He asks her.

“You dance like an acrobat,” Casmie laughs. “All pointy toes. The way you trolls land twists sometimes- you can tell you were trained first for trapeze or something.”

“Huh,” He says. “I didn’t even realize I was doing it.” He ponders. “How many ex-circus trolls work here for you to notice a thing like that.”

“Too damn many,” She sighs, as she pulls up a pair of patterned sweatpants over her legs. She pauses when she sees the look on his face in response.

“Sorry- you guys are lovely- not a dig at you, it just, kind of shows how all these people who have been trafficked don’t really have a lot of options. You know. You escape or the tents cut you loose for whatever reason and then you’re just on the streets without a penny to your name nor any other way to make money.”

“Well congratulations” Sunset replies, peeling four pairs of long opera gloves off his arms. “You have me word for word.”

“I’m not trying to be superior- my grubhood wasn’t much better.” She flutters nearby him.

“It doesn’t take much to be better than cages,” Sunset argues, sticking out his tongue. “What hole did you spring from?”

“An aquarium.” She retorts.

“That sucks.” He says.

Casmie laughs. “It does. You know you’re funny, Sunsie.”

“Sunsie?” He replies. “How am I funny?”

“You have… a kind of funny way of speaking.” she describes. “So earnest. You take everything… so seriously. Even silly things.”

“I take silly things sillilily.”

“Sililily?” She giggles.

“Yes,” He affirms.

“You’re always answering rhetorical questions.” Casmie muses. “You wanna hang out sometime?”

“I’d love to” He replies, trying not to betray his eagerness towards such an offer.

“I live up east- near pier 12. gotta have a lot of roommates but if you come early they’ll both be out for work. Is that too far from where you’re staying?”

“I’ll be honest.” Sunset admits, “I’ve been sleeping in the hotel.”

Casmie drops her bag down, making a noise of upset and exasperation “Girl,” She says.

“You don’t sleep in the brothel, that's like step one to getting murdered.”

He opens his mouth, and then closes it. She takes in the desolation in his expression, pausing. It could not be more evident he has nowhere else to go.

“Hey” She says. “We can figure something out,” She says. “Sorry, I didn’t mean- not your fault, obviously. But I can help you find someplace.”

Sunset pulls a t-shirt over himself.

“You’re too kind” He says carefully, as if not prepared to trust such an offer.

A couple days later, the two trolls enter, giggling, into a laundromat.

“Hey!” Casmie snaps. “You are not putting that pink thing in with my all white lingerie set.” She says, leaning over and trying to separate the clothes in his hands.

“Cas” Sunset says helplessly. “I’ve only got cash for one wash.”

“Go talk up the laundromat guy” she jokes, lifting her brasseir. “Get us some free washes.”

Sunset pauses. “I’m not doing that”

“Too good for the laundromat troll” she teases, opening a machine, sorting the laundry.

“No” he pauses, glancing back towards the counter and back. “I just support small business,” he says, bizarrely.

Casmie stares at him for a second, and laughs. “We're a small business,” she says. “Me n you getting busy in this” she says, holding up another one of the tops she’s washing.

Sunset covers his face with a hand.

“Whatever” Casmie decides. “I’ll pay for mine. Don’t worry about it.” She says, taking out her wallet and counting her change.

“Thanks” the other trolls says gratefully, loading his clothes into the machine with two hands and starting it with his other set. His friend slips coins into the coffee machine. Before hoping up on top of the thing, kicking her feet.

“Isn’t the other laundry place closer to work?” She says.

“I guess” Sunset retorts.

“Like, we coulda saved a couple blocks of walking. Or went to the one by my apartment.” She says.

“I like this one” sunset says. “They have really good machines”

“They what?” She says. “Who gives a shit?”

“No,” Sunset says. “They will really launder your clothes”

Casmie stares at him, him for a second, keen enough to pick up this is bullshit somehow but unable to determine exactly why.

“Hey you!” She calls to the laundromat guy. “What do y’all put in these machines that makes them so good at laundering!” She says.

Rasley stares at her for a long moment. “Deter…gent?” He says, slowly. “M’am?” He squeaks, staring at the floor, seeming flustered by the litter troll's revealing outfit.

Casmie laughs again, and Sunset finds himself lost in the melody of the sound. He glances from Rasley back to her, as if caught on a pulled string between two worlds, the past and future. The orange off-caste looks back to him.

“You are a weirdo, you know,” She says, reaching over and cupping his cheeks. “You are a freak. I love you.”

A half sweep later, Sunset wakes up on the bathroom floor of Casmie’s apartment. It’s clearly been attempted to make the spot comfortable. There is a sleeping bag laid out upon it, a quilted blanket. A phone charger. The space would be tight even for a normal troll, but the man has several extra arms. He wakes, stretching, cracking a sore back and wincing at the pain that follows, Sunset starts to roll up the sleeping bag, as someone will surely be in to use the bathroom soon.

Casmie has seven roommates. They had tried their damn hardest but couldn't find someplace else where he would sleep, so every day, he made and unmade his own little bedroom. The troll splashes some water on his face, before picking up the rolled up bag and exiting the room. He ducks into the hallway, stashing the thing in the closest that was it’s home before entering the kitchen.

“Hey! Sunsie, you wanna go thrifting?” She says, kicking her feet off the counter, an action way too cute for the alternative outfit she’s wearing, as was typical of the woman.

“Can’t” He says, arms slinking around her to start microwaving an instant coffee. “I picked up another shift”

“Oh come on,” She says. “Sunday is our off day! We need one day for moirail shit.”

“That guy offered me a job” Sunset grins. “And you know how he spoils me. Can’t sit on that money.” He defends his choice.

“G-d. That same purple from friday?” She says. “He’s sooo corny I don’t know how you stand him.”

The other troll shrugs, pulling his coffee from the microwave. “I dunno, it’s kind of cute, in an annoying sort of way. He keeps telling me he’s gonna pay off my debt to the club and get me out of the business.”

“Oh wonderful,” She says, crossing her arms. “Your knight in shining armor”

“He’s earnest,” Sunset says. “And he pays really well”

“That’s- kind of what puts me off” His moirail rambles, watching Sunset pack up for work. “Where’s he getting like, all that money to drop on you, for real? I mean how many nights has he been coming into the Anglerfish in a row- he’s like obsessed, it's some serial killer shit.”

“I guess I cannot help but be that irresistible” The taller troll laughs. “You just can’t stand to see me winning. You like having me here on your bathroom floor.”

“I love having you here on my bathroom floor,” She says. “But I don’t know if you’re ‘winning’ with that guy.”

“He cares about me, he wants to pay all my bills and send me to college like a good little girl~” Sunset jokes.

“He does not” Casmie insists. “Like, that is the same wishy-washy bullshit every single john pulls when you nut in him”

Again, her friend laughs.

“I’m serious!” She retorts. “Stay safe. Guys who wanna ‘save you’ never make good on it. I’m talking to you as a veteran, okay.”

“I’ll be fine,” Sunset says, sipping his coffee. He lifts Casmie’s hand, and kisses it. “I’ll be careful. I promise.”

“You owe me a day off.” She complains. “Tell that to your sugar daddy.”

“I’ll let him know,” Sunset says, rolling his eyes, heading out of the kitchen.

Casmie rolls her eyes, watching him go. Eventually, as his footsteps pitter patter out into the distance as he heads down the stairs, she turns over to the fridge, only for her head to snap up to attention when there is a sudden, loud thud and clunking noise.

“Sunset!” She calls, forgoing the nickname in a moment of panic as she rushes out towards the hall.

She finds him sitting at the very end of the stairway, hand held tight to his chest.

“Motherfucker” The man wheezes, face contorted, in a voice so quiet she can barely hear it. Casmie rushes down the stairs.

“What happened!” She says, rushing down.

“I just-” He wheezes, and then pauses, breathing in, and out, as slowly as he can, as if that will lessen the pain raging through him as his chest rises and falls.

“Fuck” She says, “are you okay?” She says, but does not wait for an answer. The off-caste seadweller glances up the stairs. “Fuck” She mutters, well familiar with the lung complications that plagued her moirail. Being born with an extra set of arms, there wasn’t really, well, a whole lot of space for Sunset’s lungs in his chest. He had been born with them chronically small, an issue that left him very vulnerable to any kind of respiratory infection. He would get very, very sick at times and lead to many a stressful night in many of the dark, shady hospitals that would take mutants. She is well familiar with it, having taken care of Sunset for a harrowing few months when he had caught pneumonia last winter, and almost died. She debates if it would be worth it to leave him for a second to rush back upstairs and grab the last his anti-inflammatory meds. The tiny woman watches Sunset struggle to breathe for only a moment, before sprinting up the stairs, and coming rushing back down with a pill bottle in hand.

“I’m good” He wheezes, waving an arm. “I’m- I’ll be fineeee” He manages. “Just- a second” he says, accidentally swallowing the end of the sentence.

She, panicked, and confused, holds up the pill bottles.

“I don’t have pneumonia” He wheezes. “Those won’t do shit”

“Well what else am I supposed to do! What do you have?” She snaps.

“I don't- know” The purpleblood says again, in between breaths, “overdid stairs” He wheezes.

“This is clearly more than overdoing the stairs. I’ve seen you overdo stairs! This is something. We should go back to that doctor”

“I have workkkkk” He complains. “I just need a second”

“Okay.” She says. “We can take a second, just, breathe, okay. We’ll figure it out. We’ve got to call off your shift.”

“No” He insists, trying to pull himself up, failing, and curling up into a little ball again.

“If you kill yourself trying to please that milktoast purple while you can’t fucking breathe, Sunsie I will never forgive you” She says. “You cannot dance right now!”

She is right, of course, but he doesn’t want to hear it. The man stares up at the ceiling, trying to focus on his laborious breathing. Not today, not today, g-dammnit. Of all the days, why now. But illness can never be convenient.

“There will be other shifts” Casmie says, running a hand through his hair.

He leans slightly into her touch as the smaller woman cups his cheek.

“He- invited me too-” He wheezes. “Whole fancy party- At casino- I have to go- I won’t dance- I’ll just sit with him.”

“Girl! You should not be having sex either if you can’t handle the stairs!” She snaps.

“He said he’d give me 20,000$ caegars!” Sunset snaps, the longest sentence he’s managed since he collapsed.

“Sunsie, where would he even get that money to spend on a stripper.” Casmie says, her brows furrowing.

Sunset gives a long, shaky sigh. “I’m saving up-” He says. “I need to get an appointment with that- surgeon” He pleads. “I need- to get my arms- removed.”

“Well no shit” She says.

“I can’t not go” He wheezes.

Casmie stares at him for a long, long, moment, holding her moirails head in her hands. “Okay” She says. “Here’s what we’ll do,” She says, ever practical. “You’re gonna take these- Just in case it’s pneumonia” She insists, not being a doctor but desperate to help. “I’m gonna wake up Roonst-” She says, naming another of their roommates. “And they’re gonna drive you to that hospital that sees people out the back on the downlow and they’ll sort whatever this is out” She says.

“And I’ll cover for you, okay?” She promises. “I’ll go to whats-his-face’s casino party and wring the 20,000$ out of his ass, I promise”

“He said was- special- he’ll want me” Sunset argues. But a part of him relaxes as the plan is laid out, he begrudgingly takes the pills he’s been handed.

“Think I’m not pretty enough to replace you?” She jokes. “I’ll have him eating out of my hand like a dog, I promise. We’ll get you your surgery.” She says, kissing his forehead, and then run away to wake their friend. He watches her go, mesmerized momentarily by the casual and fragile beauty of his savior rushing up the stairs, the sunset lighting up the orange of her fins, as he holds his hand to his chest and thinks only of his breath, going in, and out, and in, and out. Maybe, somehow, his body knew what was coming.

Maybe his tiny little lungs folded this specific day on purpose, to save him, to warn him. To shield him. He will never stop hating them for it. She never should have had to take his place.

I could keep going, but you already know how this story ends, don’t you?

This was the last time he saw Casmie alive.

The next week passed as if in a dream, because, well, he was barely conscious for it. He remembers fragments- a hospital, that roomate at his bedside, tossing and turning as he was constantly awoken by an inability to get enough air, back alleys and doctors and plastic respirators and pain and sorrow. Daymares- the kind that find you only on long nights in uncomfortable hospital beds. When is Casmie gonna come back for me, he finds himself thinking, in the moments where one has nothing to do but lay and think. Surely it has been a day- it has been a night, her shift is over. Eventually, he recovers. Eventually, they toss him back out onto the street with another bill longer than he tall.

His debts to the Anglerfish, his debts to doctors, his debts to casinos. He will add it to the pile. He finds his way back to pier 12, climbing the long winding stairs to their little three room apartment that houses seven and finds her not there. He goes back to the Anglerfish, and finds her work bag still in it’s locker, still full of casual clothes, keychains hooked up to the side, covered in a week's worth of dust. He is left to pick up the pieces, to try and put it all together, just what exactly happened while he was sick.

He was always good at playing detective.

It is surprisingly hard to track down an invitation as vague as a ‘casino party’ in this town, there are many casino’s. He looks through the usual suspects, the ones closest to their pier, talking to staff, asking his coworkers. The trial leads him further uptown, to the bigger piers, the richer accolades, he lingers in corridors, asking questions to staff.

He makes his way to the top of the hill, and finds a place more palace than casino. And finds it marked with a familiar symbol. You ever see something so many times, you stop thinking about it? Does it ever blend into the background, seamlessly and easily, a tiny little imprint on every chapter of your life. A golden insignia of a falling moon. Of course you have heard of that gang. Everyone has. The Falling Moon’s literally built this city.

A week into your spiraling, obsessive search for her, you wring the truth out of a simple bartender. He had been there, he tells you. At the party.

“Sometimes,” he says, “the big guys in the gang will go down to one of the smaller piers, pick up some mutants from one of those seedy clubs, and lure them uphill with promises of cash and comfort and affection and then just jump them and sell them off to traffickers and circuses. You said your friend was an off-caste? That tiny little orangeblood seadweller with the demonias? I remember her all right. Anytroll who was there would. Too smart for her own good. She wised up before all the rest of them. Pulls out a shiv. Just starts putting holes in clowns like it’s nobodies business. She must have killed five of them before she went. By the third, they probably figured out she’d be too much of a hassle to sell. One of them got her right in the head and that was it. Dunno what they did with the body. Probably sold it. They were pissed she killed so many higher ups, they musta lost a lot of money on the whole thing” He says, casually wiping a mug as if he is not ripping apart Sunsets world, piece by piece.

“Who was in charge of it?” The several armed men says slowly, carefully, “The whole thing?”

“I told you” The man retorts. “She already killed most of them.”

“The dead clowns” He insists. “Who did they work for?”

“Midas” the cerulean bartender replies. “I already told you, they were falling moons.” He quirks an eyebrow at the man in front of him, tracing the look of confusion on his face.

“Ain’t no way you live in Tes Roven and never heard of Midas.”

“I know the gang. Humor me” Sunset retorts. “What does he own?”

“A lot of shit. We’d be here all night” The man dismisses.

“I want a list.” Sunset insists.

“Ha ha. What am I, your secretary? You want me to call my coworkers over and tell em you’re buddy buddy with the woman that killed five of their top clowns?” He threatens.

“You wanna feel what it's like to get stabbed four times at once?” he retorts. “Humor me.”

The bartender stares at him for a good while, and then pulls out a napkin, scribbling on it. He does this for a good few minutes, pausing every moment or so in contemplation. And then he hands it to him, a comprehensive list as he can sprout off from memory of Midas’s properties. Struggling to keep his hands steady, the purpleblood straightens out the napkin. And then immediately wipes the bartenders mind of the encounter. He walks off, his eyes trailing down the impartial and indifferent list of properties, every so often finding a name on it that slips like a spear into his bent ribcage.

You ever feel like you’ve spent all your life, in this crushing, giant, oppressive machine, that swallows anyone who touches it?

You spend so long, trying to keep your head above water. You try to make friends. You try to survive- to carve out a little piece of survival for yourself, for other people. You try to make the world the kind of place you want to live in. And the worst part of it is knowing everyone else wants that better world too. But they don’t have any more time to build it than you do. Everyone else is also too busy being crushed in the machine.

Too busy trying to outsmart the machine. This machine too big for you to ever fully even comprehend dismantling.

No one mentions it. But no one can imagine a life where they’re not being held with a boot to their neck.

It has consumed anyone you have ever loved.

It is well on its way to consuming you. It was machine, it was machine all the way down. From the pits of the childhoods to the streets of your adolescence to the seedy pole ridden bars of your fragile adulthood.

It is so ever present you almost forgot it was there at all, just a part of the universe, true to its logo, as large and all destroying as a falling celestial body. Built to do nothing but hurt you and people like you. Imagine living so long in the shadow of that hurt.

And then finding out it has a name.

And then finding out it’s a person.

A troll, a name, a thing of flesh blood, just vulnerable enough, that suddenly, you can wrap your mind around dismantling it. Around taking it apart, piece by piece. So slowly and so carefully that it could never hurt another person the way it hurt you. The way it hurt her.

This man is the connecting thread of hurt that weaves your entire life together, and he doesn’t even know you exist.

But that won’t be true for long.

You are certain, in the months that followed this, planning, spiraling, obsessing- You are certain that Casmie started a fight so you could finish it.

#tw sex work #tw trafficking #tw character death #no one you know really #its in the title #sunset writing #my writing #fantroll #fantroll rp #homestuck #homestuck oc #homestuck rp #hiveswap #friendsim #pesterquest

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blackstarchanx3new · 8 months

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FSR Rambles 12 times Vaati got his ass kicked

Insanity, Vaati being pathetic.

What's new?

Ooop. Zelda showing off how she'll kill you within 2 seconds of being in HER castle.

Link's letter was smth addressed earlier: He warned her with a letter he was going to pull the sword.

Which implies a certain amount of impersonal-ness to the action. He didn't want her talking him out of it lmfao. He was already struggling with defying Vio's persistence so it makes sense he didn't want Zelda to try and logic his ass either.

Her outfit being the sneaky armor in botw, presumably so she could sneak attack, whoever ended up attacking her.

I thought it'd also be a fun throwback to Sheik and spoiler:

Zelda's gender identity is pretty open. Link referred to her with "They" pronouns earlier in the comic but I didn't feel it was very relevant to bring up at the time lmfao. Zelda's all sorts of gender in this comic to say the least.

The reason why Vaati knows she's around is smth I'll get into later when it's more relevant.

"Damn would you have preferred Gannon???" - Vaati probably.

Zelda isn't playing around she wants to know where her blonde twink is at.

Vaati is a bitch about it of course.

Oh she mad.

She real mad.

"PATRICK THATS NOT A HOOKER!!!"

"It's not?"

"ITS A BOMB 💣!!!!"

Vaatis stupid as hell expression before she goes boom is hilarious to me.

Smth people seem to be CONFUSED about fsr is Vaati's not so subtle Zelda simping.

Vaati is a Zelda simp, that's really all there is too it. The extent of that simping is smth I've joked about a lot.

So he got his ass handed to him.

Shadow himself noted vaati must be weak as hell earlier so. Guess he was right.

Smth of note: vaati is struggling to keep his form in the "wind mage" form. As his body keeps trying to revert to the "wind demon" design

Those titles are used interchangeably in the manga but I call his Hylian disguise his "wind mage" form and the demon form his "wind demon" form personally.

Zelda casually drops the fact she was trying to murder Vaati with that blast. She isn't playing around. Makes sense this asshole held her prisoner for who knows how long before and did something to her best friend.

Haha vaatis pathetic and also in pain.

Good.

His suffering is all the direct cause of his own actions so...hard to feel TOO bad for him rn.

Zelda certainly doesn't.

Link’s shitty state outright made her a more cold hearted person it seems.

Not that'd I'd blame her for that lmfao.

Vaati struggling to get back to being handsome lmfao.

Vaati, my bro, when are you going to do a single thing for yourself????

Okay but the implication Dark Link let Vaati get his ass kicked and only jumped in to help when Vaati called for help is very funny.

Dark links comedically large sword is just interesting. It's not a four sword replica like Shadow’s.

Zelda is in shock at the weird Link coming out of nowhere.

Darks immediate reaction of being flustered at seeing Zelda is so funny to me.

"HYLIA'S MASSIVE TITS, IT'S A WOMAN!!!"

And fun note: This is the first time Dark's actually for reals appeared in the physical world and not just in the "Headspace".

Subtly creepy he isn't just a mental problem but a physical danger as well.

His attack was very calculated, as he didn't hurt Zelda and just slammed his sword in front of her...

...Haven't we seen smth...SIMILAR TO THIS?

Huh well, look at that...

Sweaty weirdo Dark Link enters the chat.

No it was not just for the memes he's actually just like that lmfao.

So from what we know about Dark so far there's some things to note:

Our buddy boy can see the memories of others and "live" through their experiences.

Yall see what it is getting at right?

Shadow link, Vio, and Vaati's emotions and memories are influencing Darks inability to harm Zelda here.

And perhaps he formed feeling a certain kind of way about her.

He associates her with positive feelings lmfao.

Their influence aside, he still chooses not to hurt her on his own.

Vaati’s reaction is priceless.

Zelda seems to grant Dark some mercy, assumably because he outright denied Vaati here lol.

For his sparing of Zelda he gets squished like a dog toy. Poor Dark Link.

Vaati leaves with his dumbass lackey.

When you casualy blow a hole in your castle lmfao.

She's overwhelmed.

She need break.

She need hug.

She need...Link.

Pff.

Guys, he has self-awareness...fuck.

Vaati, that was just unnecessarily mean to your lackey.

Also Dark Link appearance wise:

His hair color has changed. It's purple toned now when it was grey blue toned earlier....

Okay I'll stop being coy it's because he's mimicking Vio's appearance.

Oh. Well, that's a face, alright...

Is he ANGRY? Is he HAPPY?

Did he make that face because he knows it'd freak Vaati out?

Vaati’s abusive bullshit doesn't seem to damper his mood at least as he's smiling in the 3rd panel.

Dark link and Shadow link are very different people, ESPECIALY when it comes to how they cope with Vaati's abuse.

It left a mark on Shadow where as as of right now at least, Dark acts MOSTLY unbothered by it.

Let's face it rn his idea of normal relationships are Shadow and vio lmfaoooooooo-

The dudes who both almost murdered each other.

Pff

His "I want kisses too" line will never not get a laugh out of me.

It's so indicative of how he actually feels.

He wants kisses.

He drops that Shadow is the demon king and for a second you gotta wonder if Vaati was like

"...Why is Gannon smooching Vio?????"

Dark Link also wants to dance. Both are things he saw Vio and Shadow do, mind you...

Vaati has no idea wtf is going on lmfao.

Dark has eclipsed him as the true villain of this comic-

I say in jest.

Dark casually recaps stuff we already kinda know.

While trying to dance with Vaati pff.

Funny enough, taking the lead in said dance, which reflects how he's the one doing all the work rn.

So, Dark link is interpreting peoples feelings, not 100% understanding them. 🤔

He has to actually think about Blue's emotional state hah and even seems surprised.

It's funny to think that even Green picked up on blue being jealous, and basically everyone did, but Dark had to think about it...

Kinda shows he doesn't really understand people much. Like TRUELY.

Or he's just not as interested in blue vs Vio and Shadow.

Dark stutters again like he did when he was face to face with Zelda.

Vaatis so mean mocking his stutter and continues to berate him.

Well that was an outburst.

And I finally get to talk in detail about Dark Link’s "mechanics" for a lack of a better term will expand on the next page.

Design/art wise:

Dark's teeth are all sharp here when normally, despite being a demon his teeth are flat/human looking teeth.

The background is a more red version of the head-space Vio and Green have been dragged to when Dark talks to them/at them.

Immediately he's back to being himself.

Weirdly happy, which settles in the true horror of the previous outbirst:

He didn't mean, a single word of what he just said.

He said that, PURELY to hurt Vaati because it's something that Vaati already feels about himself. He wasn't actually MAD at Vaati and snapping in response to Vaati's abuse. He was just reflecting Vaati's anger right back at him.

So smth about Dark:

He often reflects DIRECTLY how others behave.

Instances of such:

The madder Vaati got in this talk, the "angrier" Dark Link got right back at him.

He shouted at Dark to "Do something" and he responded angrily back that he didn't want to hurt Zelda.

He shouted and berated Dark Link causing Dark to shout that nobody loves Vaati.

Dark Link's nature is to be calm, quiet, pretty "Happy" and kinda hopelessly romantic lmao. He wants to have his idea of "Fun" with people.

He MIMICS people.

Dark has no identity of his own (At least he doesn't seem to realize he does) so often he just bounces off people. He only takes joy in hurting others atm.

Not even in an outright malicious way. At least not the kind of malicious that's "haha I broke the hero because I hate him". This is just what his idea of "Fun" is. What his idea of normal interactions are. This is just what he's suposed to be doing rn.

He isn't acting much outside of his direct reason for creation. What he even deems as fun is indicative of his creation as well.

Engaging with their range of emotions and characters and memories he deems interesting is FUN to him.

If his dialogue from page 121 is anything to go off of, bro really doesn't give a shit about his job. He just wants to have fun:

He finds it amusing Shadow can ALSO manipulate people's feelings, outright kind of complimenting him for it.

And then gets hopelessly distracted and starts talking about what he'd "Rather do" right now.

Which involves hugging Vio and reading oop.

He didn't get SUPER involved/invested in Shadow's memories until Vio and Shadow were doing more "interesting" things, at least in Dark's opinion of what is "interesting."

Dark wants to engage in relationships lmfao. But he's stuck engaging with memories living though them vicariously and hurting people he supposedly "Likes".

He wants to dance with someone and kiss them and in general have "happy" moments with someone. But is stuck being a curse that's only purpose is to break the hero apart and reflect negativity.

It's kinda sad.

But he clearly hasn't reflected on his own life/situation outside of Vaati's feelings towards him.

Also: Dark has no desire to kill any of the Link or Link himself...keep this in mind.

Again: He reflects Vaati's mood of annoyance with that face in the second panel. Which kills me. You just know Vaati's making the same face off screen lmfao.

Symbolism symbolism

Dark plucks the violet but leaves the silent princess alone outside of petting it. Call back to how he left Zelda alone.

He says more stuff we kinda already know, but recapping is good. Actually, we spent like 100 pages in flashbacks, hah.

It also shows what Dark learned/his takeaway from watching their interactions.

Haha oh Dark why are you ripping petals out?

There's smth to be said about him ripping the petals out as the game "She loves me, she loves me not" is a vibe that's being invoked here.

With the odd amount of petals (Being 5) it'd land on "She loves me" by the way.

A relatively innocent game turned into something sinister as he rips petals out in accordance with how many heroes there are.

Dark's behavior continues to be ODD, as he claims Shadow's predicament is "Sad". Which is true.

But...does his expression REALLY scream that he's ACTUALLY sad about it to you?

His chest eyeball just stares blankly forward, his body language implies he's just kinda pretending or acting sad.

Which makes sense, Dark hasn't been shown to clearly understand sorrow properly as even when he cried he was still smiling.

He compares Vio and Shadow's struggles with their identities directly as they're both struggling with who they're SUPOSED to be compared to who they are.

Again: he's ripping a petal out as he talks about each member of the Link squad.

Notes notes notes my favorite:

For whatever reason Vio is not in his present day look here. He's how he looked 7 years ago.

You could make a lot of different assumptions as to why:

Is this how Dark sees Vio? Vio visually represented to be stuck in the past. Vio just feeling more childishly scared in the face of what's happening.

Dark's comforting Vio here in a similar manor to how Shadow did though.

Also super weird: Dark actually in a round about way compliments Vio here.

"He's so blinded by his self hatred he can't see just how much everyone adores him because of his calm cool nature..."

Dark can feel how others feel about Vio and repeated those opinions.

This is smth to note because so far the only things he's really repeated out loud have been negative things people feel about THEMSELVES.

Outside of when he complimented Shadow.

But this shows he can actually recognize positive feelings people have towards others and repeat those too...

And outright stating: He "likes" Vio.

Because of his strong reaction to Zelda, we can assume that he likes people depending on how others feel about them. Because the team likes Vio: So does Dark Link.

Another petal falls while he dips into Green's problems. Who's the only other one we've seen him play around with so far outside of Vio and Shadow And not even really with Shadow...

Weirdly enough Green feels empty inside because he's diet link lmfao.

I told yall I'd give him a personality.

Harbors guilt for lazing around when everyone else was doing stuff. Ouch.

He felt the need to promise Link he'd keep shit okay but he doesn't even know if he CAN.

Blue and his ptsd.

Dark continues to hug people while utterly obliterating them as people lmao.

Blue can't express his emotions arounv Vio which is a theme we'll see as we go into the comic more.

Vio looking back at Blue tho is, a thing.

To be fair to Dark's assesment of Red: red hasn't done anything in the comic yet.

Him chucking the flower the second it's not pretty anymore and, eating the petal is just funny in a morbid way.

Creepy thing: He ate the petal that "Symbolized" Red. The sweet optimistic character. Kinda just shows Dark consumes everything around him in a pit of despair lmfao. Also it's hilarious that he ate smth that he shouldn't have.

Vaati's disgusted reaction to said petal eating is very funny and Dark's monologue about HIMSELF is very telling I feel.

He thinks he's a hero, because he's saving someone. Removed from context that Vaati is a villain and the fac to "Save" Vaati he needed to hurt the REAL hero of Hyrule...

His actions are preventative at the moment: he's making so Link can't reform and the pieces can't seal Vaati back into the sword.

Dark's actions all make sense to Dark Link. XD

Nobody is cheering him, so he just blatantly says "YAY DARK LINK!!!" Which is honestly the funniest lines Dark has said purely because it shows his childish outlook on this entire situation.

He's just the hero saving Vaati.

Dark's clearly annoyed to some degree nothing he does is bringing Vaati any amount of satisfaction.

He did what he was supposed to do. The sword is drawn. Vaati is free.

Dark even mocks Vaati's impatience and his need to control someone else to do his work for him. Hitting Vaati right where it hurts with Vaati's insecurity about being a pawn.

Instantly also going for the throat with "Master Elzo and Link would be disgusted with you"

Obviously: He's talking about Minish Cap Link NOT "our" Link.

This use of their names offends Vaati to no end.

The fight scene is fun, enough said. XD

Okay fine: Ramble thoughts.

Dark manages to mauver his way into not getting properly hit.

Dark's fascination with strangling people is not missed as he does it to Vaati here.

As he repeats things he knows will hurt Vaati's feelings.

Vaati is being unreasonable and stupid in Dark's eyes so him bringing up Vaati's insecurities to make a point is just his attempt to get Vaati to listen to him.

Despite his actions seeming to go against it: He IS on Vaati's side and IS trying to "save" Vaati.

He isn't even saying/acting out of spite, he's just kinda lowkey annoyed and exasperated at Vaati at best. XD

We hit the image count so I'll pick up later.

#fsr rambles #fsr au #loz au #four swords returns au #four swords returns #loz fsr au

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louisisalarrie · 2 months

Note

Ooh, please tell me more about how Shiall today might relate to Larry? I’ve been keeping an eye on Niall, and I have so many thoughts, but I’m mostly just confused!

heya anon, and welcome to the show!

now, I want to start this off by saying I haven’t had much to do with the Shiall stuff, so I’m not an expert on it. But, here are a couple of my thoughts as to why this is an interesting turn of events, and what this means for larry.

so, it’s been pretty interesting seeing all the Shiall stuff online since the show happened. And well… I’ve seen a lot of larries/ziams also now start shipping Shiall, which is interesting, and while Shiall has never been as big as Larry or even Ziam, it blew up the fandom and even got headlines in the press. So… let’s have a deeper dive.

Now… people have believed in Shiall or at least entertained the idea of them together since at least 2017. It’s not a new thing whatsoever. But since the show of them performing together, it has become pretty huge. And there are a lot of solos reaaaaallllyyyy hating that, and it’s becoming a bit beefy between the niall girls and the shiall believers (which is yikes because can everyone just be nice to each other for a god damn second Jesus Christ) so it’s now dividing nialls otherwise pretty chill fandom. Which is new for him, and will be interesting to see how it’s handled. But so far in the press? It’s going well for him.

He’s gotten a write up in a few outlets which all have a similar headline of “Niall Horan Surprises Fans by Bringing Out Shawn Mendes at London Concert” (US Weekly). But, Rolling Stone really went all out here:

Now, I dunno about you… but adding “fellow lover boy” and “that’s my boy” to a headline 100% grabs attention and maybe implies a bit more than just pals. In my marketing and journalism experience/study, this would absolutely fall under seeding and somewhat subconsciously sways the reader into further curiosity about Niall and Shawn’s relationship.

What’s funny about this, is 1 week prior to the show, Elle posted this article out of quite literally nowhere. Shawn and Camila haven’t been spotted together since (to my knowledge) April of 2023 when they were photographed kissing at Coachella. So… why was this dropped a week prior?

Anyway, Niall is still signed to Modest mgmt, who we’ve watched control narratives and PR ops for the last 13 years. So, it’s safe to say we can see a bit of a pattern here, but it feels different this time too… right?

Niall’s mgmt would 110% know about the Shiall rumours. They’ve been around for over 6 years, and have continued to grow in popularity over the past couple of years particularly. It’s very obviously a topic that the fandom talk about, and that a lot believe in. So, to allow niall to bring on stage someone who his fans believe he’s actually dating as opposed to his “gf” who was also in the crowd that night (not that literally anyone cared lol) feels very freeing. Do modest and Niall not care about the rumours? Is it actually true and he managed to convince his team to let him do it in exchange of staying with his gf for longer? Or is it something entirely different?

Well… it’s a tricky one.

Modest have been well known to closet artists for years. We’ve seen it with larry, and other young men too. So, why the change of heart? Essentially encouraging rumours by giving this the go ahead, and rolling stone weirdly quickly posting that article with those particular words in the headline, why now?

It’s good PR, sure. It’s beneficial for Shawn to get back into the headlines more after not performing for 12 months, and gives nialls tour a bit of a boost. But i would argue that it’s encouraging Shiall. And I would also argue that modest have actively tried to squash gay rumours for years with larry (we will talk about the Union J shit show another time and just stick with larry for this) so it’s interesting that they’re encouraging it. But it’s been a pretty nice little test drive for larry, hasnt it?

In no way has Shiall divided the fandom to the same point as Larry, but the love we all saw for shiall (whether we believed in them being romantically linked or not, it was incredibly wholesome) from around the fandom was very loud. I saw a hell of a lot more positive chats than negative (and I looked deeper than just my timeline) and so it was pretty safe to say that it went well for the most part.

People are saying that niall might have done it behind his team’s back because Shawn was placed in Paris hours earlier, but that’s just a reminder of something we already know that we can’t trust photos to be released on the same day at the same time they are taken, but I think he’d get in a hell of a lot of trouble for that. So I’m not on board with that idea.

So I guess to put it down to a couple of options to sum this up:

a) modest has flipped the script and is okay with Shiall because they’re actually not dating (unlike how they handled larry because they were) and it’s all just rumours and niall and his gf aren’t bothered from it so it’s fine because it’s some good publicity

b) niall and Shawn actually are dating and his team is seeding a coming out, testing the waters with the fandom, perhaps try to encourage larry to sign with them again due to how “free thinking” they are now

c) nialls contract allows him to have more control over different aspects of his career so he was able to just invite him up there no matter what narrative is being pushed in his personal life

So… what’s this mean for larry and why have I rambled on for 3-5 business days?

Well…

Niall is dealing with the same rumours with Shawn as H and L do with each other. He is actively showing the fans that believing in a relationship between two dudes in fact doesn’t ruin their lives and families and their girlfriends are crying all the time, and he’s also showing other mgmt teams that you can do this shit without the world falling to pieces (aka the V*nes and Az*ff losers) whether or not it’s true. It’s a very small step in the right direction, but it’s a really good one. So I think yeah it’s important to see what this means for Larry and their next steps, because niall has made it look pretty simple. But I think we should keep watching this all very closely.

#anon #answered #louisisalarrie chats

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sieglinde-freud · 6 months

Note

36 for the ask game!

36. Share a funny FE-related story, either ingame or not!

allow me to regale you the tale of my most valuable unit ive ever had in any playthrough ever (okay. second most valuable. no one beats odin dark conquest), the most specialest boy youve ever seen!!!

dancer ferdie.

so basically i really wanted the piss color home screen in three houses and for those who dont know, basically you get a “badge of honor” unique home screen in three houses (the same exact screen recolored yellow) on maddening without new game+. i believe you can do this on casual? but im a little tryhard loser, so i picked maddening classic, picked the black eagles (crimson flower doesnt have hunting by daybreak OR a map that forces you to deploy potentially benched in house characters, so that was my pick) and started the run. only to be met with one small problem:

i am a fucking idiot.

three houses maddening isnt that hard once you know what youre doing, but the funny thing about three houses maddening is that it dropped like. six (????) months after three houses dropped just like. out of nowhere. for no reason. and i cannot turn down a challenge so i jumped into it immediately and got my ass kicked. immediately.

my main problem is that i didnt have a reliable damage soaker/tank. edelgard is tanky, but she can only take so much and her stats havent had time to snowball yet. plus, early game has poison strike three range archers, so even if she had the stats, they’d wittle her down. maddening ai is not the same as normal/hard, and at the time i didnt know how to control it, so someone had to go eat all of those hits to bait them over! but adrestia, kingdom of mages, has the durability of a piece of straw. so, we need to avoid taking damage. but we also need to bait out the ai somehow. soooo… how?

i was looking through a couple of classes that might be able to help me out and i notice that ferdinand’s personal skill gives him a certain amount of avoid at full hp. and theres a certain skill line that gives another set number of avoid if you hold a certain weapon. the lighest physical weapon (barring gauntlets) are swords, which he has a natural affinity for. but how do you get sword avoid? literally the only way is through dancer. for some fucking reason. so, i did what had to be done, expecting this to blow up in my face, but as you can tell from the fact that i am making this post, the opposite happened. because actually, as it turns out, having a refresh unit in one of fire emblem’s most difficult game modes that cannot get hit is actually very, very useful.

for the entire game after he went into dancer i chucked him on the front lines right next to edelgard, and he was pretty much a one man army. not nearly as strong physically as edelgard, but much faster and with much more utility. and, hes still ferdinand, so on the off chance he got hit by like a stray 12%, he’d easily eat that hit with his hp stat, only to be physic’d up right back to full. unkillable dancer. baited enemies like it was no ones business AND buffed my entire team just by virtue of being there. i could send my frail ass little mages into a crowd nuke someone, have ferdie dance to let them retreat to safety. edelgard and giant galeforce axe could act TWICE without worrying about dancer positioning. it was just. god. carried my whole game. and he looked GOOD while doing it. he truly is ferdinand von aegir. also took out the final map in two turns no casualties. he did that for me by the way (edelgard galeforce axe)

#anyways so then i married ashe #sorry :(#ferdies not the only character who can do this and probably not even the best #but dammit hes MY best #and this is the run that shot him up my three houses favs #i love him forever now #asks #also hi eva <3333

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deanwinchesterswitch · 1 year

Text

Dropping in March

A four-part mini-series (complete) ~ Will post on Fridays beginning March 10.

Summary: Fear and anger forced them apart. Pain and regret kept them separated. An opportunity arises to repair the damage when a well-meaning friend pushes them into a reunion. Yet, rumors threaten to tear them apart for good.

Pairing: Dean x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ Only; Heavy on angst; Some fluff; Dean being Dean; Language; Canon divergence. Parts 3 and 4 contain descriptions of high emotional distress; possible triggers.

Chapter 12 of Run to You will post mid-March.

Run to You is getting a new look.

Nothing major, just a couple of grammar tweaks and updated summaries to already posted chapters. Plus the new title card. Previous posts will be edited with the new image.

Series Summary: (AU) Disillusioned by the world around her, Kasey has chosen to live a life of solitude. Accused of a crime he didn’t commit, Dean escapes custody. On the run from the law and out to prove his innocence, he stumbles headlong into Kasey’s life. The fateful encounter sets them on a winding path of desire, heartbreak, and perhaps the most incredible love they’ve ever known. However, time and the law are not on their side.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Kasey Belmont (OFC)

Rating: Mature 18+ Only, NSFW

Warnings: Angst, fluff, long lead up to smut, smut (oodles), language (galore), intrigue, SPN canon typical violence and injuries. Each chapter will have its own warnings.

Fancy Ties an' Granny's Pies ~ Part 8 of The Girlfriend Who Remade Christmas.

Yes, I know it's well past the holiday, but the story is not all that 'Christmasy' right now, so I'm going to roll with it.🤣

Tentatively posting the last week in March.

Series Summary: Dean’s holiday spirit is nowhere to be found. Fed up with his Grinch-like behavior, Nicole is determined to open his heart again to the wonders of the world around them and help him find joy in the Christmas season.

Pairing: Dean x Nicole/Nico/Nic {OFC} (Established Relationship)

Warnings: Fluff; Angst; Sexually suggestive flirting; Heavily implied smut; Language (not too over the top); Canon divergence

I have two tag lists:

Love Me Some Pie-everything I write for Dean

Wild Hearts-only my cardiophile fics.

Send me an ask if you'd like to be added or removed from a list.

Love Me Some Pie tag list:

@akshi8278 // @asgoodasdancingqueen // @calaofnoldor // @compresshischest09 // @deaneverafter // @deans-spinster-witch // @deanwanddamons // @flamencodiva // @idreamofplaid // @jerkbitchidjitassbutt // @justrealizedimmascifygurl // @ladysparkles78 // @michellethetvaddict // @mrswhozeewhatsis // @mvdeanw // @princessmisery666 // @shawnie74 // @thinkinghardhardlythinking // @thoughts-and-funnies // @waynes-multiverse // @wayward-and-worn // @waywardbaby // @weepingwillowphoenix

#dw's witch writes #self-promotion #writing update #fic update #022623

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salad-006 · 10 months

Note

btw salad what's ur opinion on eddsworld legacy?

For the most part, i think legacy is Okay. It's not the Best, but its nice to see so many people come together to finish off the show. I can respect all the work these guys did, especially tomska.

If you came for my option on the season and thats it you can leave, because the rest of this is me going crazy mode

My only real problems lie with only 2-3 episodes, and it drives me Crazy because they're By Far the most popular, so they've caused the most problems. This one question ended up becoming a giantic essay SORRY im just passionate about ebbworld

Keep in mind these are Just my options, I'm not going to look down on you if you're the number one The End Fan. If you like it then Cool, you can continue to enjoy it. And i can continue to hate it over in my corner

I'm keeping this section on Fun Dead short, mostly because it's not really the worst offender

The "Obliviously stupid to progress the plot" trope is so bad here. They've seen zombies before how do they not recognize them now. I get them being oblivious to super obvious things is the joke ,but its just not funny

For a Zombie centric episode, there's barely any Fighting. I feel like big fight scenes are what people like most with these. But no we get a 30 second montage, one that's not even animated

They are such wusses in this episode id bully them if i was there i think

The End. Don't even get me started on The End. Legitimately i have never seen such a botched finale in my life. Fair warning this is about to get long and angry im sorry

Let me ask one question: how come in the Finale To Eddsworld Legacy, the season Dedicated to Edd Gould and his work, Edd Himself does not play a prominent role? I'm not even kidding, you could write Edd out completely and Nothing would change. Ive heard people say this was Tomska going out with a bang before leaving the show, but from what i know he also wanted eddsworld to be completely over at The End. If that's true he could have atleast let Edd shoot the harpoon or some shit, come on

This is such a disappointing finale overall. They don't do anything exciting. We just get to watch a little "do you remember this episode?" Montage, all the sudden everything gets crazy then oh! Episodes over goodbye forever.

An end fight might have been more exciting had it been set up properly. They gave us the bare minimum, which was having tords stupid little gang tag appear a few times then having two of his coworkers/soldiers appear a few times. That doesn't hint at a Tord being an evil meglomaniac who's got a giant fucking robot hidden under the house

FUTURE EDD CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AS WELL, AND HE WORKS GREAT BECAUSE HE SETS UP THE LORE IMMEDIATELY. Tords return gave us Nothing beyond "he is manipulating them!!" Instead we get the book dropped on us halfway through the LAST EPISODE OF THE SEASON without ever being given any sort of explanation. That's just it.

ALSO FUCK BRINGING TORD BACK AT ALL. the dude asked to be removed from the show and what did they do? Hinted at his return like 15 times then had him come back as this manipulative mastermind, whos got a bunch of science stuff and a russian accent. At the bare minimum you could have writtten him to atleast resemble something close to Tord. There's literally more evidence that points to him being a clone than there is him being the real Tord, and it WASN'T EVEN INTENTIONAL.

Took a character who had left with all his loose ends tied up, brought him back with completely new unexplained info, then ended the show with both the original and the new loose ends untied. I've read this was Tomska trying to write Tord out of the show for good, but he somehow managed to do the complete opposite by leaving him at a LITERAL cliffhanger. Now all the 12 year olds are @ ing eddsworld begging he comes back for a redemption episode.

I could scream forever about the end but ive already said too much SORRY. This is why im just rewritting it myself to make it good

One last thing: its somewhat heartbreaking to me how Legacy has totally overgrown the classic episodes. Of the top Ten most popular videos on the channel, Seven of them are legacy episodes, with Edds three episodes being at the very bottom of the list

I just don't like it. I dont like how legacy has become like the Face of what eddsworld is. Maybe it's just because Edds work has been one of the biggest inspirations in my life (if that wasn't obvious already) IDK it seems unfair

Tldr: i dont like what legacy has done to the series and the fandom, but it's okay for the most part. Fuck The End though

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x-theolivia · 10 months

Note

Please may I have a funny Fairy tail scenario of when Lyon knew exactly what he was doing when he pretended to flirt with Wendy in the Fairy tail guild to get a reaction out of Gray's younger brother who is the same age as Wendy. (It worked) It was fair to say that Wendy was suddenly in a possessive hug and the person hugging her is Gray's little brother..Gray's little brother actually told Lyon "Don't get any ideas flirting with my Wendy old man." (The younger brother of Gray Fullbuster actually stuck his tongue out childishly at Lyon) *cue the muffled laughter from the other members of Fairy tail at the unexpected cheek from a usually grumpy kid and Lyon's expression of being called an old geezer was rather funny actually*

Gray's little brother was absolutely mortified at the "My Wendy" comment he made as pointed out by Gray himself and Gray's younger brother denied any explanation of that he actually liked her (as teased by Happy).

It's Platonic considering Gray's younger brother and Wendy Marvell are children and Gray's younger brother was rather cold figuratively, exactly like Ciel Phantomhive from Black Butler but Wendy actually brought out the best in him *you know the rest about Gray's younger brother*

Naw, that’s so cute I would love to write this!

▪▫▪▫♡´･ᴗ･`♡▪▫▪▫

⟹She’s mine⟸

Fairy Tail Masterlist - Navigation

Summary: After you’ve got friends with Wendy, you get possessed. And when Lyon, the one who took your brother, flirted with Wendy… you saw red

Pairing: platonic Wendy Marvell x male!reader (just because their too young)

Warning: FLUFF, possession and age gap (ig). tell me if you find more.

Author’s note: Fairy Tail and this gif don’t belong to me! And warning about a very bad English!

3 months after getting friends with Wendy, you became even closer

You wouldn’t admit it but you like her. So it does bother you when Lyon shows up, out of nowhere, and starts to flirt with her. He, a 19 years old guy, with her, a 12 years old girl. It doesn’t seems right.

„Naw, don’t be shy. You’re cute when you blush“ Lyon tells Wendy. And it‘s Wendy. So she blushes even more and gets flustered. Especially when he drops a line: „Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears“

Both are standing in the Fairy Tail hall and you were watching them from the other end. Leaning against the wall, arms crossed and a grumpy grimace on your face

He does this on purpose. That’s for sure.

And it shouldn’t bother you that much, because its fake. But it does.

And this bothers you too.

Lyon gets even closer to her. But instead of looking at the flustered Wendy, he gives you a look… just for a second. You see red.

You don’t know how you manage to cross the hall this fast but after some moments you drag Wendy away from him, in your arms. In a possessive hug. Lyon looks suprised to see you and it seems that everyone in this room stoped in their motions to look at you

But you don’t care. You stick your tongue out childishly at Lyon and glance at him

„Don’t get any ideas flirting with my Wendy, old man“ you say grumpily, with Wendy still in your arms

The hall muffles their laughter about this scene but you don’t get it. Instead you watch when Lyon makes a funny grimace about your comment of him being an old man

„I‘m not an old man!“ he argues but you let Wendy go, grab her hand and walk away from Lyon

Later that day, Gray walked up to you

„Hey little brother“ he greets you but you just roll your eyes

„What do you want, Gray?“ you ask him but he isn’t offended, instead he has this smug grin on his face

„Why do you grin like this?“ sometimes you think you brother should go in therapy

„So, you like Wendy?“ he asks out of nowhere and a instant heat crawls up your face

„What?! No!“ you disagree but he leans down to you

„But you called her yours. „My Wendy“ you said“ he makes fun of you and acts like you

Did you really said this?

„no I didn’t! Your ears seems to be broken or something. Maybe you’re deaf“ you deny but now even Happy flies above your heads

„Y/N is in looooooovvvvveeeeee“ he sings

„I‘m not!“ you deny again

But, oh shit, you are

#wendy marvell #gray fullbuster #fairy tail #wendy x reader #Wendy Marvell x Reader #wendy x male!reader #friends #platonic #young love

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goamazons · 1 year

Photo

September, 12 Damnville You know Dad,

If I counted up the number of times I’ve been in BIG trouble, I’d open a Trouble Museum. Ma says it’s all coz I was born on a plane and caused quite a trouble to everyone aboard. Or as she calls it — bloody mess. ‘You are born to get in all the wrong places,’ she says and I say it wasn’t me in the first place who took that 14-hour flight drop-dead pregnant to the hell of a nowhere.

But maybe she does have the point. Coz I got to a TERRIBLY wrong place just yesterday and would rather prefer a 14-hour flight to nowhere, please. We’ve been to Hecta’s Gran’s on a visit at her Palace-like house in Ratyshche. The place is HUGE and full of people like a cucumber of seeds (her clan is like Golden Horde, and as barbaric). Nobody attacked our Amazons Army though, so we were dying of just boredom. But not until Heck had her *BRILLIANT IDEA* to play Hide and Seek.

‘Ew! We’re too big for that,’ Agnieszka retorted.

‘We play that or go for another round of Gran’s babble on Pan Grant cheating on his wife with a milkman,’ Hecta said and Neshka jumped to her feet with, ‘You count!’

We decided to cover only open rooms since we’d sooner grow with grass than get found in the back chambers. Still I was determined to give Heck a hell with that. I’m a master of disguise, ho-ho! So she went counting, One little gnome, two little gnomes, three big dragons burn their homes… Agnieszka stood behind the drapes with her fairy bowed shoes sticking out. She ALWAYS takes drapes! She’s too keen on all those romantic Victorian novels where drapes were everywhere and stuffed with people listening to all sorts of secrets, meh! I could do better, I thought and nosed into every box and basket around like a true fit-in-all cat but couldn’t find anything safe enough. Then I heard Hecta yelling, ‘READY OR NOT,’ panicked and slipped into some room at random.

It was rather small, and, damn, had no baskets. So I crawled under the bed, pushing aside one million and one pair of shoes, noisy tin cans and other inconceivable junk. Was right on the dot in time before the door creak opened. I held my breath, trying on my magic invisibility before Hecta AHA’s at my sticking out ass. Instead, I heard giggles, shuffling, feet rapping at the floor and the door click shut. Then Hecta’s auntie Christina’s voice murmured, ‘Your wife’s gonna kill me.’

‘Nobody’s gonna know, babe,’ Pan Grant’s voice replied, low and muffled. They put the lights off and plopped on top of the bed doing lots of funny animal noises. And I was like SHIVER ME TIMBLES!

WHAT was I gonna do?! Surely NOT jump out of there with a stiletto in each hand crying, Shoe Police, hands up, dicks down! Ugh, I’d better stayed there until Ragnarök hoping by the time I see the light in the tunnel, I’d finally manage to grow a proper beard for my true Viking looks. But Lady Doom said, Nah! and sent me the fattest ever fatso cockroach creeping there right under my nose. And y’know, cockroaches and I are mortal enemies. We’re like Saint Michael and Satan, just bound to battle. Honestly, I had no control over my archangelic muscles when I grabbed a shoe and slopped it dead.

‘What was that!’ Pani Christina shrieked, stopping the creak-squeak of the old matrass.

‘Someone downstairs,’ Pan Grant supposed-to-sleep-with-milkmen groaned. ‘Don’t mind it.’

And I wouldn’t mind it either but my sacred battle stirred all the dust down there and I had no control over that gigantic sneezing bursting out of my entire essence, bumping my spine against the bed roof. That sent them both jump in sheer total horror. Their screams echoed in every corner, and I think Pan Grant’s has killed every crystal glass in the house.

There was no point in waiting for Loki and Co. I shot out of there like a bullet, clattering with all the blasted tin cans and sneezing again so hard that bomb farted them right in the faces. Oh, BLOW ME DOWN. My only luck, the lights were out. I darted looking for the door, hearing them drop off the bed, still yelling like never. Just a mushroom salad little fart, why so panic, jeez!

I jumped through some door and hit the helluva mess of clothes and hangers. Some more carton junk fell on top of my head. SHIVER ME THIMBLES the wardrobe! I realized (quite sadly) there was no Narnia behind it. So I bumped back and found the door stuck. Blimey! I was trapped! TRAPPED in a wardrobe! I pressed a foot against it and gave it such a Viking kung fu push I tumbled out of there like a football and rolled hell out of there. Pani Christina fled to the bathroom and her lover still messed with his pants, still yelling.

I dashed along the corridor in fear they’d let down all the king’s horses and all the king’s men to catch me. Hell with the boxes, I jumped behind the first drape and, surprisingly, stood there for the whole forever. And screamed my bum away when Hecta and Neshka pounced at me out of the blue. ‘Where on Earth ‘ve you been!’ Agnieszka cried.

‘Just here!’ I lied my socks off.

‘And what’s this?’ Hecta took a nylon stocking off my shoulder that lovingly hugged me around the neck. What would you say to that, Dad? Surely not the truth.

Your Hiding Master, Skipper

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skylarmoon71 · 4 months

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Harry Wells (Flash) - Earth 2 - Chapter 12

It’s hard watching someone you care about slowly forget who you are.

Harry knew that it was selfish to lie that day. But the truth was just too hard to swallow.

The conversation with the team still ran through his mind.

~Three Weeks Ago~

“You have to tell her!” Barry ordered.

When Barry woke up, he was less than pleased. They were elated when you sent a smile. But the way you were acting, it was clear you didn’t know the situation. They’d insisted that you rest. The second they’d regrouped in the cortex, Barry basically ripped into Harry.

“What good will that do, it won’t bring her memories back.”

“It doesn't matter! I’m not going to spend the last days we have with her lying to her face!! I’m going to tell her!” Barry moved to walk past, but Harry grabbed his arm, halting him.

“She has a chance to live these last days with us without feeling guilty for making that decision.” Barry’s body tensed, and the room fell quiet. Caitlin wasn’t sure what to say.

Cisco and Iris just wore expressions of regret.

“You remember how hard it was for her, living those years thinking that you hated her. Think about how much this would hurt her if she knew that removing the most horrible thing in her life took away the best thing she’s ever had. All of you.”

Barry didn’t want to admit it, but Harry was right. More than anything, he never wanted to see that look ever again. After the both of you had finally mended that bridge, he promised he’d never be the one to break it again. He would do whatever was necessary to give you the happy ending you deserved.

Harry released Barry’s hand. It dropped to his side.

“If she’s going to forget about us, then I’d rather it be at our expense, not hers.” Harry rationalized.

That’s the argument that he presented. He wanted you to be free from that burden.

So they laid out a plan. They would all take turns visiting you in Portland. Everyday, someone would spend some time with you and keep an update of your condition.

At first it was easy.

Barry wanted to be the first. Every Monday he scheduled dinner.

Each time it was just so amazing. There was a light in your eyes that he swore he’d never seen since that day. The first couple times seem to run over like a breeze.

That one afternoon when he showed up with Iris, you were elated. You wouldn’t stop rambling about the steady ease of your job and your hilarious colleagues.

It was great.

But then it just seemed to come out of nowhere…

“W-Who the hell are you people!! What are you doing in my house?!”

There was fear and confusion on your face as you held out a metal spoon, the same one you’d left to grab to serve them the mashed potato.

“(Y/N), it’s us. Barry and Iris.”

He pointed between the both of them, no longer seated. Just standing at a distance. He couldn’t forget it, that look.

Like they were strangers.

Like he was a stranger.

“You both have three seconds to get out of my house before I call the cops!!” You were waving the spoon around threateningly, and Iris sent Barry a look. He wanted to stay there, plead for you to remember, but she shook her head. Because the longer he stood there, the more frightened you looked.

“Okay, we’re leaving.”

He took Iris’s hand, and they both exited the house. The door slammed behind them, and he heard the click of the lock.

It felt almost poetic.

You weren’t just locking them out of your house, but also your life.

When Cisco visited on Tuesday, he prepared for the worst.

“Cisco! It’s about time. I was about to eat all this licorice on my own. Come in.”

Of course he hesitated.

Yet, it was nice. To see you wear such a warm expression as you vented about a rebel student in your class.

“Could you believe he said that I was a bad professor. Oh how I wish he were a criminal.”

Cisco laughed.

“I don’t think you would get away with attacking him, even if you are an ex cop.”

You raise a brow.

“An ex-cop? Cisco, what are you talking about? That’s funny. Me, a cop. I can’t even picture it.”

You continued on as if nothing happened, too invested in your rantings to see the color drain from his face.

That afternoon when he got back to Star Labs, he panicked.

“Something is wrong! You said she would only forget the memories she had with us, the ones about Thawne and the speedforce, all of it. But she was a cop way before she joined our team. Caitlin she doesn't remember being a cop!!”

He was hysterical, for good reason.

“I…That doesn’t make sense.”

The entire analysis was wrong and there was nothing they could do about it.

Caitlin made a point to carry out her visit with you coming to Star labs.

“Who are all those people outside Caitlin?”

Barry, Cisco and Iris were peering in and you gave an awkward wave.

“They’re..” Caitlin stopped, sending Harry a look.

“Just my coworkers.”

It was like swallowing an uncomfortably large pill.

Harry did his best to stick to the task at hand as Caitlin strapped on all the many patches to your body.

The rhythm of your heart was steady.

“Are you alright, any discomfort?” Harry asked.

You shook your head.

“Nope. I’m fine. Thanks again for doing this. I know it must be tedious. You even got your friend to help out. I’m sorry but what did you say your name was?” Your eyes were trained on Caitlin, and she stopped all action. You wore a friendly smile and Caitlin did her best not to show the expression of hurt that rushed through her body. She finally understood how terrible it felt. She always prepared herself when she saw her friends walk in one by one with sullen eyes. But now, experiencing it, feeling that tightness in her chest as someone who was once so close had no idea who she was.

It hurt.

“You’re welcome.”

She barely managed to force out the words, continuing with the procedure.

In the span of two months, years of memories, smiles, love, friendship, it was all gone.

This was the new reality.

A very harsh one.

#negativespeedforce #speedsters #trust #powers #harrisonwells #secrets #harryxreader #memories #flash #family

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jasperakalucy · 1 year

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hello, gamers, comrades, foes, freaks, losers, gay people, and cowboys,

welcome to the Best Answer Awards of the RTumblr Secret Santa 2022 Google Form!!!

no you don’t win anything and I’m not saying who said what. because this is my award show and I make the rules

Question 1: tumblr username: and the best answer is........... “jasperakalucy”! because I am based

Question 2: are you. interested in this: “no. i am just here to watch. do not give me a gift. i'm just filling out the quiz for fun” someone actually put this and i was so unbelieving that i forced them to join /hj

Question 3: how active are you on rtumblr/are you new (can pick multiple): “I did something of value once and never again. One day I will return and you will all regret forgetting me” mysterious! i love it!

Question 4: what kind of art can you do? (can pick multiple): “i can kill you over and over again in minecraft” that is an art and I’m so proud of you

Question 5: what do you plan on giving as your gift? (elaborate on above question): “Whatever the person desires. I cannot however: Make anybody fall in love, kill somebody, bring somebody back to life. I will most likely write or draw.” damn. poetic honorary mention: “The most important gift: friendship And a piece of carrot”

Question 6: do you have a c!self (can pick multiple): “girl help his face is my fucking pfp his look is straight up just 'onceler’” girl help indeed, why would you ever want to be like the onceler /hj

Question 7: if you answered yes then drop your c!self explanation (image upload at end): “It is literally just me as a rat with no roleplay or lore or anything, I hope this appeases the rumblr tumblrs (/pos)” the rumblr tumblrs joke is funny every time. i still think about the time i called RTgodot rumble tumble gumble

Question 8: what is. your gift prefernece (for your gifter to gift to you) (can pick multiple): a solid 50% of you told me i spelled prefernece wrong. i am still amused by this

9: what is your number 1 preference gift this one’s boring SKIP

10: elaborate on above (give as many details as you want. literally go buckwild) (this will be sent to your gifter): “I don’t have specific preferences I just think rt’s cool:) do whatever your heart commands of you, take artistic liberties, feel the rain on your skin” the person in number 5 and this one are the same brain and i love that for them honorary mentions: “[taps on microphone] magistrex” “Draw whatever you want. Just draw. Draw something. I would like a civet/dog. why isn't my four key working”

11: would you rather post all of this art or send it privately? BORING SKIP

12: STILL BORING

13: AAAAAAAAAA

14: questions comments concerns: “you people seem insane but that's okay, who *isnt* in the RT fandom. I'll draw anything exept from magical john in a maid outfit or a bunny costume. i hate that little freak of nature” the fact that your hatred of magical john came so quickly out of nowhere made me laugh. you’re right, he is a freak of nature honorary mention: “gay gay homosexual gay. can i call you jasper? or aka...i like aka. unless you don't like it.” yes you can call me aka that sounds rad as fuck

(also people were very nice to me in this question and i do appreciate that)

AND FINALLY THE FREE SPACE QUESTION

15: free space. copy and paste the bee movie for all i care: “i have a homophobic slur to say!” I have not stopped thinking about this since it happened. you sound so excited. you never said the slur. you just said you were going to, and then left it. why? i laughed out loud when i read this the first time. what the hell does it mean? is it the f slur? is it a fun new slur you made up? what the fuck! in my memory this had a “:D” next to it, and that’s how i read it in my head. I literally know your username. I’ve never talked to you. what is going on inside your head? i love you. you really have guts. in questions comments concerns you said “do it fart” and only now have i realized that was a question, and not a command, calling me a fart. thank you for giving me such joy and confusion. i will never forget this.

honorary mentions: two different copypastas that reference al-qaeda two different meows (“meow” and “nya”) two different people saying i should not encourage bee movie posting (cowards/lh) one “according to all known laws of aviation,” one secret code from the “schrodingers cat” who ended up dropping (“9 1/13 14/15/20 23/8/15 9 19/1/25 9 1/13”) some screams (“WAAHAHJHKKK EAWERRRRWW WWEEEEEE”) a funny joke (“[insert funny joke.mp4]”) and of course

magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex magistrex 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#long post #if you have shorten long posts turned off i'm sorry #embrace magistrex #anyway i was bored and made this. enjoy #rtumblr #rtumblr secret santa

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aeori-o · 4 months

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Happy New Year! 1/3 (Tumblr why)

My oldest posts that I did for New Year’s just started with that very simple title and I’m feeling nostalgic. But I also like the ‘Farewell’ of 2021 so I guess we’ll see what I stick with as time goes on. (Also dang, would you look at that, fucking COVID is still around.)

Part 2 || Part 3

It’s funny, the more time goes on the more I actually want (as in: I remember and am then driven) to get stuff done ahead of time. All through school (which was forever ago) I really struggled with doing any task that wasn’t immediate. Homework didn’t exist until the night before (and the only reason I didn’t forget entirely was because I talked to people who would ask if I was done and I’d go Oh Shit), any basic task anyone asked me to do I would forget existed because it couldn’t be done immediately (and I also chaffed under tasks being sprung on me out of nowhere that had to be done immediately). Now I get the urge to do things ahead of time, with the same focus and drive that usually only showed up when something was ‘due’. The former is still a problem for a lot of things but somehow my brain has decided that sometimes we can and will remember to do a task ahead of time and get it done.

Which is to say I am currently writing this from December 26, 2023 and whenever I get tired of writing it today I’ll pick up tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, until I post it. I just decided: Fuck it, instead of binge-writing this right at the end of the year we’re basically at the end of the year and I just want to chill the fuck out. I just had a mad dash to write something for my sister I don’t want to mad-dash write again. I think I wrote last year’s write-up a few days before but this time I want to be so deliberately chill. I just want to gently coast up to the new year. Which is good because I did a stupid amount of things this year and this has been the longest year-wrap-up I’ve ever done. Is anyone actually going to read this to the end? Maybe but these are mostly for me. I always like scrolling back through these and this year is a doozy. Who gave me the gumption to do so much stuff. And despite all that I just said It is January 1st and I am mad-dashing writing the second half of this and editing it.

Without further ado let’s get into it.

I dropped my goal to 25 books because I was in the last week of the year at 26 out of 30 books read like “yeah I can read 4 books in a week” and then I was like “yeah but… fuck it let’s not.” Why barrel towards the end of the year, panic reading books to reach some arbitrary number I set for myself. That’s not really how I want to read and experience books so… I won’t. I read 26 books this year and 17 graphic novels for a total of 43. Which is only 4 lower than my total from last year so despite reading a lot less that’s not bad at all.

I kept it the same as the previous year: Read for 30m a day, catch up days allowed. At this point what I usually wind up doing is reading a lot on one day and counting it toward multiple days. Same amount of time reading, but doing it in chunks. If I read for 6 hours on one day I highlight 12 days (30 minutes a day) on the calendar. That might sound confusing but my main focus is having spent the time reading and doing a task every single day just does not work with my brain.

I do it this way because the time-spent is the same but filling out a calendar like this is way more satisfying than just highlighting one day that I spent a lot of time reading on. Anyway as you can see my summer was largely spent not reading. A huge chunk of my summer my brain was taken up by wrapping my sister’s car (more on that later), from May to August I basically read almost nothing. It’s hard to remember to highlight in the calendar for other tasks I do (especially when it’s a task where I don’t know exactly how much of my time it will be taking up) but I do think it would be fun to be able to have a highlight calendar (or time track in some other way) to be able to see what I was doing when something didn’t happen on another calendar. I don’t have a super feasible way to set that up, though (as fun as it would be) so I don’t think I’ll be doing that.

Anyway, as always, I love the goodreads yearly recap:

Once again my average rating is “high” not because every book I read this year ruled but because I now use stars as a “would recommend”, “would probably recommend”, “my feelings are so Nothing I neither recommend nor not recommend”, “mostly don’t recommend”, and “do not read this” instead of the recommended level of how much I liked it. This means not a lot of books wind up below 3 stars anymore. I am also increasingly perplexed when I look at reviews for a book, see someone said nothing but good things about a book… and rated it three stars. It’s like dang, what does three stars mean to you.

I was shocked to see how few people had shelved The Game of 100 Candles though. I don’t know if people are scared away from it because that series is technically part of a table top role-playing game universe but the books absolutely stand up as their own thing. I’ll talk about it more in a bit, and then probably again when the final book comes out. But here’s the wall of books I read this year:

When I was thinking about what I read this year I could only really think of the books I had read recently and was like “man I don’t think I really read anything super good this year” but I did have some fun, cozy reads in there. So as has become custom I’m going to talk about some. Just so I don’t keep going forever I’m going to do a ‘top five’ kind of thing and then some honorable mentions.

As mentioned I was utterly shocked that Marie Brennan’s The Game of 100 Candles was shelved so few times and looking back at the first book, The Night Parade of 100 Demons, it’s only been rated 132 times (which is still 100 times more than the second book). This series isn’t done yet but it’s such a delightful and heartwarming read. It’s basically this quiet samurai from a smaller clan who has a lot of secrets he has to keep a lid on for the best of his clan and himself who has to figure out what’s going on with the demons/yokai in this village on the edge of their territory. Meanwhile another, bigger and more wealthy, clan has sent one of their much more extroverted scholars to the same village to also see what’s going on. They both have things to hide from each other but wind up falling for each other. It’s a really fun fantasy romp with a very sweet gay relationship that grows out of it.

Then the second book has them re-meeting and understanding the consequences of something they did in the first book so it also has some chronic illness (even if it’s magical and not 1:1 with anything in real life) representation. I’ve found both books very good so far and if anyone reading this is inclined to pick up anything I recommend I really hope it’s these. They’re so good.

So I really, really did not like Uprooted by the same author, Naomi Novik. A friend read this though and liked it overall and my sister-in-law happened to give me her copy (she didn’t like it) so I figured I may as well give it a shot and I was so pleasantly surprised. The way the faeries (which aren’t called faeries but whatever) work in this world is so cool, the magic is so cool, I really loved how the author managed to ride that thin line between everything feeling cohesive and like it ‘makes sense’ while relying on not overly explaining anything which means she had to rely on things ‘intuitively’ making sense which can be very hit or miss. It really hit for me and it was always fun getting to a point in the book where it felt like the plot was winding down only for it to get back up again. I was so delighted by this one I wanted to include it here.

Similarly I wanted to include this duology, The Assassin’s Curse Series by Cassandra Rose Clarke. I’m not sure I recommend them. The narrative voice is a little strong (I think it gets better in the second book but I also might have become desensitized to it) and overall the plot and characters aren’t anything to write home about. It did really scratch an itch I didn’t know I had for the most ridiculous ‘refusing to communicate’ relationship dynamic ever. I had a great time but I mostly wanted to mark these here on my New Year’s post because I read these a decade ago around the same time in the year and they’re a fun marker of how far I’ve come and how much the way I track books has come. I only had a rating for these from 2013, and now I have a long document of notes. I don’t know if I actually will reread these in another decade, but if I do it will be fun to compare how I feel then to how I feel now, and I wish I could have done the same to my 2013 self.

Going forward, though, I do want to re-read something I read a decade ago at least once a year. I think it will be fun especially once I start butting up against the books that do have notes written on them. I had a really good time with these and I want to continue circling back to what I’ve read before.

Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson is a great read even if you’re not doing the exercises inside it. It’s a self-help book which I tend to roll my eyes at (maybe that’s unfair of me) but Dr. Johnson uses examples from her own practice and backs up claims and theories with scientific studies. It’s a really solid and insightful read, it took me a long time to get through because with nonfiction I tend to be much more thorough in my notes and I was reading this at the same time as other books but it was a phenomenal read. Even though it’s catered to romantic-relationships I honestly think it applies and shows insights that are applicable to any close relationship (romantic or platonic). I really enjoyed reading it.

I don’t see asexual characters often so Loveless by Alice Oseman really touched me. It’s funny, the first time I encountered ace representation in a book I really didn’t like it. I was, unfairly, annoyed that the author hadn’t captured my experience. And oh boy do I see a lot of that in the reviews of this book online, non-ace people upset that the asexual lead “shames” sexual people (she just doesn’t get it, which is not the same as shaming someone). Asexual people are upset that this isn’t their experience and remember fellow readers there are other ways of being asexual even though this book pretends there’s only one! (The book is told from one POV, of course it only reflects one experience.) There were things I really related to in this one, and other things I didn’t but overall it was a great read and I am very glad that there is so much more representation to be found in books these days.

So my actual honourable mentions are: Legends & Lattes by Travis Baldree which was just a very charming, fun romp. I enjoyed my time with it and look forward to reading the second book. The Deep by Rivers Solomon which was insightful, depressing, and hopeful. It’s very short so if you look up the content warnings and think you can handle it I would absolutely recommend it. And Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata which is a very wild book that is maybe making an argument for fair wages for all or maybe ‘just’ a story about a neurodivergent queen, I don’t know.

The final two books in the Market of Monsters series by Rebecca Schaefer are on there because I mentioned the first book in my write-up for last year and while I overall had a really good time with the series (I find there’s always something almost relaxing about a book/series where the protagonists are terrible people) the ending left something to be desired. I’m not crazy about characters just going ‘yeah, we’re evil and we like it that way’ especially when the rest of the series was the character’s doing “evil” things because the other option was having evil done unto them. Oh well.

And Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett is peeking in because as far as I can tell people love this book (it came out this year and has been popular) but it really didn’t work for me. I’m spoiled because Marie Brennan’s Lady Trent series does what this is trying to do but succeeds, I just could not buy into the fiction that this is this woman’s journal from out in the field. I would enjoy myself when I forgot it was supposed to be a journal and then get annoyed every time I was reminded. I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more if it hadn’t bothered with the “this is a journal” conceit (or if it had done that well) but what can you do. It is a fun book, I get why people like it, but it was driving me wild (in a bad way).

And before I move onto graphic novels here’s some fun stuff from storygraph:

Onto graphic novels.

Ducks by Kate Beaton was the standout one here. Really incredible auto-biographical comic. My Wandering Warrior Existence by Kabi Nagata and The Girl that can’t get a Girlfriend by Mieri Hiranishi which were both really interesting auto-biographical comics that both revolved around sexuality and identity. Kabi Nagata’s comics, in general, can be very stressful to read but they’re so good. And the rest were fun! I was recommended the Given series made by Natasuki Kizu by a friend and it was charming, it’s not done and I haven’t checked in a while if more is out in English but, while charming, it hasn’t really captured me. Harley Quinn: The Animated Series: The Eat. Bang! Kill. Tour by Tee Franklin (and art and colour by Max Sarin and Marissa Louise respectively) was a really delightful little romp—and I have not watched Harley Quinn: The Animated Series. The art is just so freaking cute and while I have basically no knowledge or investment in the DC universe it was really nice seeing Ivy and Harley together. Horizon Zero Dawn: The Sunhawk by Anne Toole (and Ann Maulina doing the art) was mostly just amusing, I think it came out before Horizon Forbidden West did but I happened to read it right in the middle of Talanah’s quest in that game so I read the comic and then got to hear Talanah tell me about it in the game when I played it two days later. And finally The Adventure Zone: The Eleventh Hour was fun and, like always, just made me want to go and relisten to the podcast.

I’m making my goal 30 books again, and if some unforeseen project takes up the majority of my brain space I have no problem with dropping it to whatever it winds up being at the end of the year. And my filled in boxes will count for 30 minutes a day again. I’ve been setting the goodreads goal for the graphic novels to 5 just because chances are I’ll probably read at least five but it’s also not a hard goal.

Last year I mentioned wanting to read one book I own in my tbr pile for every library book I took out and looking at the books (not graphic novels) 15 out of the 26 were ones I owned (or were in my book pile being loaned to me by others) so that’s not bad! (The graphic novels I am also less pressed on this front—I have a small stack of them waiting to be read but 12 graphic novels take a lot less time for me to read than 12 novels.) I am pleased to have 15 fewer books in my tbr pile! Granted, two of those were books I had read a long time ago so they were previously on my not-tbr shelves but… well whatever.

I’m probably going to be watching a few more films after writing this as part of the lead up to New Years (I did, I have changed the numbers to reflect that) but, once again, the amount of movies/shows/etc. I’ve watched has again worked out to be in the 40s. I have watched 46 things this year, which is the exact same amount as last year. I am finding it really interesting that it always seems to work out to being in the 40s. I am extra tickled it’s the exact same amount as last year. Film I don’t really feel any desire nor make any effort to meet any sort of quota each year, I just sort’ve watch what I want to watch (or what I get roped into watching) and for the past four years it seems to work out to low-40s every single time. I am so, so curious to see if this is some sort of bizarre fluke or if this will continue into the future.

Just like with books, because a year is such a long length of time, without tracking what I watched this year it’s easy to sit here at the end of the year thinking I didn’t really see much. But then I look at my list of things I watched and go “holy shit I watched so many good things this year.” The power of tracking things, it’s incredible. As for new films/films-I-watched-for-the-first-time…

There’s some films from this year that I contemplated including on the graphic just to have them easy to spot as a reference point in time—like the Barbie movie and The Last of Us—because they were such big hits and while there’s more I really liked this year I didn’t want to make the image preposterously huge (says guy who wrote this before writing later sections in which they made preposterously huge images). And I also didn’t want to cram everything on in the weirdest way possible like I did last year (why did I do that).

Steph actually had me watch Knives Out and Glass Onion on New Year’s Day (which I don’t remember but that’s what I wrote down) and I really enjoyed both! I had been avoiding them because they just didn’t seem like my kind of thing but I was very glad to have been proven wrong.

I feel like I’ve been mostly out of the anime/manga world for a long time so I was surprised to see how much I had watched this year. Most of it I watched with friends and all of it was a good time even when the shows sucked. Chainsaw Man also surprised me, both because it is (so far) a very good show (I will cry if there is some kind of horrible training arc), and because Steph recommended it after not being sure if they would even finish the first season. I am very glad they did because this show is wicked cool. And then Trigun Stampede was so good that I started re-watching the 1998 show, and then all the friends I watched Stampede with wanted to watch the 1998 show so I stopped, and then nobody watched the 1998 show. Trigun Stampede was overall a delight even if I am mildly perplexed at the 1998 show had way more female characters than the new show does (but also Vash isn’t putting on a weird lecherous front and is just Baby so, it works out).

I waffled on whether or not to included Dungeons & Dragons: Honor among Thieves because it’s not like it was life changing or anything but I had a really good time watching it, and I had a really good time talking about it. It’s just a really fun film that didn’t feel like it was bogged down by trying to be anything else.

The Green Knight I had wanted to see since it came out and finally got around to it this year, twice, because the first time I watched it with someone who will usually fight me on putting on subtitles so I just had no idea what 90% of the words spoken meant the first time I watched it. Despite understanding almost nobody I really enjoyed every other aspect of the film and it was surprisingly watchable. Gorgeous film, great acting, great soundtrack, all over a fantastic time. The second time I watched it was with subtitles on and it still ruled.

It’s been such a long time since I read Nimona. I read it in its entirety when it was still online for free so I don’t know how long ago that was. After watching the film I wondered about going back to re-read it online and found that (I assume since being traditionally published) it’s no longer available. I’m glad for the author but also sad that we live in a capitalist hellscape that can’t let things be free. I have yet to re-read the comic and still plan to but the movie is gorgeous. I am so, so glad that more 3D movies are breaking away from the default style Disney had established when moving to 3D that everyone seemed afraid to stray too far from. I am genuinely so thankful we’re getting 3D movies with style now. Not to go on a tangent but I saw some video (or maybe it was a post?) recently where someone was going on about how the different art styles movies are being made in is now ‘less special’ because everyone is doing it and I don’t understand how someone could think more diverse styles could ever be a bad thing. People don’t do it to be ‘special’ people do it because they see beauty in different ways. Anyway. Nimona made me cry three times. I absolutely recommend it.

And of course, Spider-man: Across the Spider-verse. I went into this not knowing it was a two parter and I think that’s my only real upset with this movie. I was getting so nervous toward the end when I realized the runtime was almost up and there were so many loose ends to tie up, and then I realized it must be a two-parter. I was relieved to be right but also wish I went in knowing so I wouldn’t have to have the HOW ON EARTH ARE THEY GOING TO PULL THIS OFF stress. Otherwise this movie is more gorgeous than the original and I’m really liking where the story is going. I’ve been meaning to re-watch it and haven’t gotten around to it (I could not understand Hobbie on the first viewing) but this movie made me realize that physical media is getting harder to get. All the big stores have basically eradicated their movie/show sections and replaced all of that with one little ‘recent releases’ stand. Older things can still be ordered online but I am very nervous about all our media being in the hands of streaming companies and harder to own.

There were some other things I saw this year like, as mentioned, Barbie and The Last of Us that I also really enjoyed. Steph had me watched Midnight Mass which was sad but good. Vin and I watched the Lockwood & Co adaptation which was surprisingly good (and, of course, cancelled because why market something when you can just decide it failed). I’ve been watching a show called The Afterparty which I’m really enjoying.

I also re-watched a lot of things this year, many with friends.

I found out Vin hadn’t seen Moulin Rouge so I had to fix that. I don’t remember when the last time I watched this movie was but it’s so much fun and it looks like everyone had a good time acting in it. We had actually watched Van Helsing first (which ruled, for some reason in my memory this movie sucked but it was awesome and they do some astonishingly good looking stuff considering its age) and I can’t quite remember how Moulin Rouge came up (I am certain it was RP related, though) but when I realized the Duke in Moulin Rouge was the same actor as Count Dracula in Van Helsing that sealed the deal. I need to watch more of that man’s work, he’s a delight onscreen. I was also just totally shocked that it was Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing. I’m terrible with actors but when one I know is in something like this it’s always surprising to me.

Steph played the original Silent Hill game for all of us (which was also very fun) and we decided to watch the first Silent Hill movie afterwards as well. This was another one I hadn’t watched in years, I probably hadn’t watched it since I was a teen, and by default I seem to assume anything I saw a long time ago probably sucks. Once again I was proven wrong, the film’s not perfect but overall it’s a great watch. The costuming is incredible (especially for the monsters) which I did remember, but also:

Wow she looks awesome. Everyone was hooting and hollering when her helmet came off. (Shame about the jacket, though, and being a cop). And then Steph found us every lesbian amv they could with Cybil and Rose. It ruled.

We watched Darker than Black because, again, Vin had never seen it. I’ve rewatched this show a few times over the years and this is the first time I’ve watched further than Season 1. I didn’t enjoy Season 2 when I originally watched this show and never finished it, and still didn’t like Season 2 this time but the OVA for Season 2 was mysteriously really good. Izanagi’s design was awesome, though, even if nothing else was. The first season was also still really good, really cool, and I always forget about the weird this-must-have-been-inspired-by-Evangelion bit at the end. I will absolutely be watching the first season again at some point in the future, and maybe season 2’s OVA but not the rest. I’m not strong enough.

And I had the pleasure of showing my step-sister Howl’s Moving Castle. She had seen The Boy and the Heron and was interested in watching more Ghibli films and knew I liked them, so I decided to start with the one that everyone I’ve talked to lately says is their favourite Ghibli film (or one of their favourites if they can’t choose). It’s been a while since I last watched Howl and it was great to see it again. Steph and I also watched some more Ghibli films for New Year’s Eve and Princess Mononoke still rules and The Cat Returns remains as charming as ever.

I also rewatched Kill Bill this year which I enjoyed this time around a lot more than I did the last time I watched. Part of me is like: I should also write down my movie/show thoughts. The other part of me is like: Let’s not make homework for ourselves for everything we do. With stuff like this though it’s like man why did it hit so different. I rewatched some other stuff, too, of course but nothing I have much to say about.

I started 32 games this year and finished 32 (and 100%’d 4 of those). Spoilers: A huge chunk of that total number are Humongous Entertainment (HE) games that I played as a child. Let’s get into it.

I don’t know what happened last year with Nintendo’s thing but they are back to giving more info, unfortunately I barely touched my Switch this year.

By which I mean I played it a lot, but only two games. I think I almost exclusively played Splatfests this year after finishing the single player campaign and Pokemon Scarlet I have been picking at so slowly that I am still not done it (DLC just came out but I am still in the middle of the preceding DLC).

I’m assuming I missed the July splatfest, and I also missed the November one though I swear I chose a team so I don’t know what happened there. I guess I just got immediately distracted somehow. You may be wondering where Tears of the Kingdom is because everyone with a Switch played it this year. After hunting down a collector’s copy of Tears of the Kingdom, because I missed the pre-order for it somehow, instead of playing it I, for no real reason, decided I was going to play every single other Zelda instead and end it off with TotK.

So my 3DS and my N64 got more of a workout than my Switch did this year. For my Zelda-replay I mostly want to go in order but I wanted to start with the N64 titles first as those were my childhood Zeldas. Majora’s Mask is my favourite in the franchise, it’s the first Zelda I ever beat, and Ocarina of Time I never beat before starting this project. As a kid my friend’s brother would play on my OoT cartridge (his save file is still on it and I will never get rid of it) and then I’d just go mess around in his file. I was pretty familiar with the young-Link dungeons but almost all of the adult temples were a mystery to me. I got the 3DS version of the game at some point with the intention of finally playing OoT myself… and then still didn’t until this year. So I have now played: Majora’s Mask 3DS, Majora’s Mask N64, Ocarina of Time 3DS, Ocarina of Time: Master Quest 3DS, and before watching Ghibli films Steph and I finished off Ocarina of Time N64.

Images that make you feel nostalgic (I took this when trying to do the archery courses in Majora’s Mask because aiming is very hard when you only have one stick to do it on).

I don’t think I’m going to be playing every version available for the other entries in the Zelda series but as these ones have a special place in my heart and life I thought I’d do them justice that way. I’ve gone from knowing very little about Ocarina of Time to knowing where everything is in the game almost as well as I know Majora. I still think Majora is the stronger game overall and playing it like this it’s really clear to see how Majora, as a direct sequel, was improved on after Ocarina but it definitely has some totally mystifying problems that Ocarina didn’t have. (That said: The 3DS version ruins all the bosses in the game, they’re terrible, the N64 version is much better in how it feels to play. If you are going to play Majora’s Mask I recommend following a walkthrough, I adore this game but it definitely helps that at this point I know it so well that I almost never have to just wait around for things to happen because I can cram other things in if I have to wait for something.)

I don’t know how much time I spent playing the N64 Zeldas, but the 3DS does track that stuff and I played Majora’s Mask 3DS for 29 hours (sometimes a co-worker would play so I’m not sure how much of that time was her messing around) and Ocarina of Time 3D was almost 60 hours (so I’m assuming 30 hours for regular and 30 hours for Master Quest). I’m really looking forward to playing the rest of the Zeldas! My plan right now is to (finally) finish up some other games and play BotW as I play the oldest Zelda games just because it seems like TotK builds off BotW so I’m worried if I do those two in order I’ll wind up burnt out on TotK. I might not, but I also don’t want to risk it. Here’s my graphic for games I wanted to finish this year from last year:

Of the games I said I wanted to finish last year I was right in being so confident about Fahrenheit and Haunting Ground. As games that I was playing for friends it was a lot easier to be on top of them and beat them. Fahrenheit I even 100%’d because I have a weird obsession with 100%ing David Cage games (it was still a terrible game but was very fun to play with friends). Haunting Ground was a delight from start to finish, I know people want a remake but I’m not sure it’s the kind of game that would get made today.

.hack//G.U. I’m not too fussed on not finishing, it’s a long game and I was trying to show it to Vin so I’m not surprised it got lost in the shuffle. Pokemon Scarlet I’m also not fussed on having not finished because its DLC just came out—I beat all the base game stuff but haven’t done the DLC yet (well, I’m partway through the first DLC). That one I’ll finish this year, for sure. .hack//G.U. I’m not sure when I’ll return to it.

Horizon Forbidden West and Pokemon Legends Arceus I’m not sure how they kept slipping behind but I really want to beat those, preferably soon. I’m very good at getting busy with things, though, and then I feel too guilty to play games outside of times when I’m not doing it as a social activity with friends. I need to figure that out. Anyway for this upcoming year the ongoing games I have that I want to beat are:

I didn’t realize until I was reviewing this image that I accidentally went red-blue, blue-red, red-blue and I’m kind of laughing at how that turned out. I realize Folklore is more pink-y and Hades is really dark but the back and forth of red and blue games is amusing to me.

Three of these are the ones that slipped through the cracks this year that I already mentioned. Folklore I’m playing for friends right now (I’m having a good time but also what is even going on) so I’m pretty confident I’ll have that beat sooner than later. Hades I’ve been meaning to get back to forever, I mentioned it in my New Year’s post last year but maybe if I make it as a thing I can check-off next year I’ll actually get to it (or maybe not, who knows). And Tears of the Kingdom is here because that (should) be the last Zelda I play in my weird sudden desire for a Zelda marathon so by getting to and beating that one it means I’ve played all the rest.

Before I go over to steam I wanted to start chronicling the seasons of Fortnite I play through. I count each season as a game-played, and even though the experience is mostly social I still sink as many hours into a season of Fortnite as I would any single other game, so I wanted to start posting the season pictures as a memory-thing. Here they are:

And the most recent season is ongoing and won’t be done until sometime in 2024 (so I’ll post it on next year’s). I find it’s a fun social game to play, easy to hop on and off of, and while there’s a story the game is so gameplay focused that it really doesn’t matter if you do not pay attention to whatever anyone is yammering on about. I was shocked to discover there’s a community of people really into the Fortnite story. Good for them, I’m here to drive cars around the map excessively and be the quest-Adderall for my friends.

A friend had me try Destiny 2 earlier this year but I found the game weirdly ‘hostile.’ The gameplay itself is great, it feels really good to play, but the game does nothing to try and draw new players into the story in a way that feels good. We played for a while, I got up to rank 5 or something? Level 5? There was some weird progression thing and we got through all the basic-stuff and it was really trying to drive us into Lightfall-stuff (I think it was Lightfall that just released at the time) but the story was just incomprehensible. People are telling us to go places and do things and that some-guy is doing something and so on and so forth and it just felt weird. It didn’t help that I was having some bizarre computer issues at the time. I don’t know if I want to play more of it, honestly. I still have it on my computer and keep it updated just in case but I’m starting to wonder if I should free up that 100GB (jesus). Right now I really don’t need to, but I think about it.

The other social game I really got into this year was Plate Up!

I was introduced to it by a streamer, TheScareLab on Twitch, and it is so much fun. It’s a great game for me if I have a few minutes and don’t really want to get into something I can fire it up and work away at trying to make a fully automated restaurant (rng hates me) but it’s also very fun to play with others. Mostly it’s just me and my partner who play but sometimes other folks join in. The screencap is from their Halloween event I was delighting in being able to make hamburgers float in midair. There’s another holiday event on right now, actually, but I’ve been too busy with irl holiday stuff to check it out.

I love the steam recaps, both mine and looking at all my friends’ but I’ll just post mine here--OOPS Tumblr only lets you do 30 images per post and I'm unhinged, I'm unstoppable. To be continued in part two! I'll link it once it's up! Tumblr Why.

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#new year get better do better

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kleoyeager78 · 1 year

Text

10 things I hate about you | 12

Trigger warning: physical abuse, drug use, arguing, sucide attempt, cutting, blood, (I think that’s all )

This chapter is really just flashbacks from different times in y/n’s life so if you’re confused just know this is from the past.

"Do you want a bubble bath?" she asked me, her face full of anticipation. I looked at her, not understanding what she meant. What were bubbles and why did they have anything to do with my bath?

It wasn't until she pulled out a bottle with strawberry shortcake on it that I understood what she meant. I wanted to say something, but all I could do was give her a toothless smile and try to say, "Yeah."

Although it sounded nothing like what it was supposed to, she understood. "Of course you do!"

She went over to the tub, leaving me on top of the toilet seat. She started the water and poured a little bit of the product in. She came back to me with a smile on her face.

All I could do was look at her in awe. She looked so beautiful, and I loved that smile on her face. It was rare, but it was nice.

"Come on, mama, we have to get you cleaned up!" She picked me up and brought me to the tub.

Once I got in, I was so happy I began to play with the bubbles. They smelled so good, I tried to taste them, but the woman stopped me.

"Y/n, no, these aren't edible, baby," she laughed. Once she stopped laughing, she just looked at me. I didn't notice her looking at first, but when I did, I turned to stare at her as well. It wasn't until I turned my head sideways that she stopped.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare. You must have found that weird," she giggled.

She picked up a cloth from the side of me and began putting some soap on it. "Now it's time to clean you, my love," the woman said, and that she did.

While she cleaned me, she began to vent about her life.

"Your dad drives me crazy, y/n. He's always blabbing about something," she said. Her sentence made me giggle. I even tried to repeat the word "babbling," but it just came out as "bla," which made the woman laugh, and then she went back to ranting.

"Not to mention my dealers are out of town, so I'm completely sober. News flash: he sounds way worse sober." I giggled at her funny faces. But the woman only sighed.

"I have a feeling you like me better sober, though, right, y/n?" I looked at her, confused again, not knowing what she was talking about.

"I know when I'm sober I'm more active with you, I'm better for you, and I'm less of a bitch. I hate myself for not being the best I can be for you, and I promise one day I'll change. You hear me, y/n? I'm going to change for you and be the best person I can be. I'll be the mama you deserve!"

The woman was basically shouting at this point, and I could tell she was done speaking.

"Bitch," I said, clear enough for the woman to hear.

Her face dropped and she looked at me. "What did you just say, young lady?"

I giggled at her and said my new word again. "Bitch."

"Y/n, you can't say words like that," the woman said, with horror on her face.

"Bitch," I laughed.

"Ugh, I really have to watch what I say around you," she said, reaching for the bathtub stopper and letting the water out.

"Bitch," I said again. I thought the funny faces she was making because of this word were hilarious, so yes, I kept saying it.

"Y/n, please don't say words like that. I know I said it, and I'm sorry, but I don't want you saying it, so from now on, I won't say it either, okay?" The woman tried to reason with me.

I gave her a smile before I said my other word that the woman was always used to hearing. "Mama."

The lady looked at me in awe before picking me up and lifting me in the air. "Aww, y/n, I love you," she said, pulling me to her chest and giving me kisses.

I may not have known a lot of things she talked about or what she meant most of the time, but I knew what the word "love" meant, and I would do anything to hear her say it.

That was fifteen years ago and that woman is nowhere to be found.

“Y/n”

Or should I say she’s just not the same person she was when I was two?

“Y/n”

Was she just a liar?

“Y/N” the person beside me yelled.

I realized I zoned out.

"Hey pretty lady, don't get ahead of yourself," the guy next to me said, holding my hair back as I took another sniff of the white powder spread in a perfect line across the table in front of me.

"Can't I have one more fun night?" I mumbled, my words slurred. The way I spoke, the strange hand gestures I made, and the way my body swayed back and forth told everyone I was out of it. But those around me couldn't care less. We were all addicts, so who cared if I was a little more addicted than the others?

“Y/n, Why do you always say weird shit like that?” The boy across from me said while lighting a cigarette.

"I don't think my words are weird," I giggled as I leaned over the table and cupped his face. "But I do find it odd that we aren't on the dance floor right now," I said as I grabbed his collar and led him to the rest of the party.

“Y/n you don’t even like crowds so why the hell are you dragging me into one?”

“Because it’s fun now shut up and dance with me”

The man sighed and surrendered. He knew even if he tried, he wouldn't be able to resist my charm, so he gave in and let his feet get used to the rhythm that was playing on the speakers.

Rambo—that was the name of the man I was dancing with. He was very tall—I'm not sure how tall exactly—but he towered over me and couldn't fit in any vehicle with a roof. He had long black hair and dark eyes; if I hadn't known that no such thing as black eyes exists, I might have mistaken them for being black. He had random tattoos all over his body, but the one that grabbed my attention was the one on his hand—a sobbing kid getting food and drinks dumped on him while the individuals doing it laughed at him. I had a weird feeling that the boy was me—in pain and everyone around him laughing, a reflection of my life.

But no matter how attractive he was, how intriguing his tattoos were, or how well he could sometimes treat me, my brain was only focused on one thing.

The drugs he provided me.

Rambo was more than just a handsome man with mysterious tattoos. He was also a handsome man with mysterious tattoos who happened to be the town's biggest drug dealer. But, above all, my drug dealer.

So getting back to the dance floor.

No, I'm not dancing with him because I want to. In fact I had no intention of dancing with him for long. I just needed two things from him.

And as my feet move, In sync with the song that the speaker is blasting and my whole mind goes blank I can already tell that the first thing has been completed.

Distraction.

I did feel really bad using Rambo as a distraction but right now I needed it. After everything that’s gone on in my life today it’s what I needed.

Earlier today

I could already tell today was going to be a rough day. I had to take my mom to the mental hospital for the second time this year, she wanted to try and get better again. But that’s not why my day was going to be rough, it was going to be rough because I was finally going to confess to her something I had been keeping a secret for three years.

I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but I had to do it and I hoped she would be there for me.

I decided to wait until we were in the parking lot of the hospital to tell her so that things would be easier on my part.

“Mom” I looked over to the passenger seat. “I-“ suddenly my throat ran dry, “I need to tell you something” I felt tears coming out of my eyes.

“What is it my love?” She looked concerned.

“I- uh it’s about Nick”

Nick was my moms boyfriend of two years.

“What about Nick y/n, is something wrong with him, is he hurt?”

“No mom it’s-“ I had to take a deep breath before telling her because it was hard for me to say anything. “Mom Nick hurts me”

“What?”

“He hurts me mom.”

“In what ways?”

“He attacks me. When you’re asleep sometimes he comes into my room and starts hitting me. He punches me and slaps me for the smallest things mom. Yesterday when I didn’t put up the dishes he-“ mom cut me off

Y/n shut up”

“Huh?” I was confused, didn't she care about what I was telling her?

“I SAID SHUT THE HELL UP” she screamed at me. I began to shake because my mom never screamed at me like this. “He wouldn’t do these things you can’t be telling me the truth”

“What mom? I wouldn’t lie about something like this please belie-“ Again she cut me off.

“I SAID SHUT THE HELL UP Y/N. ITS YOU YOU'RE THE FUCKING PROBLEM.”

“mom” I looked at her with tears starting to roll down my eyes.

“EVERY WEEK IT'S A NEW LIE. YOU'RE A LIAR AND ALL YOU DO IS MAKE PROBLEMS WITH OTHERS, WHY CAN'T YOU STOP THIS BULLSHIT Y/N?”

“MOM I'M NOT LYING HE DID THESE THINGS TO ME.”

“JUST STOP. DON'T YOU SEE THIS IS WHY NO ONE WANTS TO BS AROUND YOU?” She yelled.

“Mom” I said my voice barely being heard with tears pouring down my face.

“ALL YOU DO IS RUIN OTHER PEOPLE'S LIFES Y/N '' she continued with her hurtful words.

“Mom please”

“YOU RUINED MY LIFE.”

“Mom”

“YOU RUINED YOUR FATHERS LIFE.”

“Mom”

“ AND THANK GOD YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS BECAUSE THEIR LIVES WOULD BE RUINED TOO”

“mom that’s enough” I said but I guess my voice was still unheard.

“YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I WISH I NEVER HAD YOU Y/N. I WOULD BE SO MUCH HAPP-“

"Enough! Do you think I enjoy being in this situation? My life has been nothing but suffering. Everywhere I go, I'm hurt. I hate my life more than you know. Don't bother telling me any more. I wish I'd never been born too. Every morning brings more anguish." I had to take a breath because I said all of this while in tears but no I wasn’t finished.

"But, good grief, Mom, I thought maybe you would help me through this. Maybe you would comfort me through my suffering, like any mother would do. But no, you weren't even there. Do you know where you were? You were on that couch, taking pills left and right, while the man you were dating abused me for his own pleasure. And the nerve you have! You're sitting next to your only daughter who is willing to take care of you in your every state, yet you don't care that she is being hurt by the man you are choosing to date." You laughed. "But the funny thing is, this is expected, Mom. Yup, it's very expected. Because whether you're intoxicated or nearly on your deathbed, I am always there for you. But the minute I even open my mouth to tell you something, I am a liar. Yet, I never called you a liar all those times you told me you had stopped taking drugs. In fact, I applaud you, even though I knew you were lying straight to my face."

“Y/n I-“ your mother tried to speak but it was far too late.

"You know I try with you and Dad, I really do. After all the things you've both put me through, I still try to hold love in my heart, thinking one day you guys will be decent to me. But if I'm being honest, it's a never-ending cycle, and I'm tired of fighting." Just then, you unlocked the car doors. "Get out, Mom, and go start your healing process. This time, I hope you mean the words you say, and maybe you can be a better woman for Nick, because I'm well aware you'll never be one for me."

She frowned at me but still got out of the car without saying a word.

I didn’t care though. I mean what could she say anyways?

I began to break down in my car. I felt awful. I had just gone off on my mom. I didn’t mean to but the things she said made me so angry. I didn’t deserve those words but then again maybe she didn’t either? How the hell should I know.

I sighed and began to drive off. Idk where I was going, maybe Rambo’s house? I needed something to get my mind off of this situation and I knew he had it, so that’s where I was headed.

And that's how I ended up in my current situation and in need of a distraction. But you're probably wondering, if the first task has been completed, then what's the second one? Well, like I said, I needed something to get my mind off of my situation, and although the white powdery substance and the dancing may have helped for a little bit, I was looking for something that might last me all night - or maybe a whole lifetime if I played my cards right.

"Hey, Rambo," I asked and suddenly stopped dancing.

"Yes, sunshine?" he asked, still continuing to move his head and feet to the beat with a smile on his face.

"Do you happen to have pills on you?" I asked innocently.

"I sure do," he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pill bottle and handed it to me. "Knock yourself out."

"Will do," I made my way upstairs to the bathroom. Before I entered, I turned around and took one last glance at the dance floor. I saw Rambo dancing with girls all around him and chuckled. Damn, I loved it when that man had a smile on his face.

I entered the bathroom and made my way to the toilet for a seat. I took a deep breath before popping open the pill bottle. The pills were small and blue, and the bottle was almost completely full. I laughed; only a fool would trust me with this many pills. I decided instead of taking the whole thing, I would just take three. Three would be enough to get me high, and I could handle everything else with my little pocket friend.

I popped out my phone and began to text Hitch. I just wanted to tell her, "Thank you," before I did something irreversible. She deserved at least a thank you.

After I sent the text, I waited about another ten minutes for the drugs to kick in, which they did. I pulled out the knife from my back pocket and examined it.

People always asked me why I carried this knife with me, and I never really gave an answer, so they just assumed it was for self-defense. I mean, I was a woman living in a town where a lot of shit went down. Who wouldn't want to have some sort of defense weapon?

But that wasn’t the case for me. In actuality, this was for personal usage, aka cutting. Yes, I know it’s weird to bring the knife I cut with places, but I never knew when I might need it, so I always had it on standby.

I rolled up my sleeves to reveal my arm with all the cuts on it. Maybe it was me being high, but I laughed. It was funny how I could name every reason behind why I had each cut.

“This one is from when Regan pushed me into a locker and everyone started laughing,” I laughed to myself while pointing at the cut. “Ugh, horrible times.”

I didn’t want to sit here and relieve all my awful memories so I decided that I would just take one last deep breath and open up the knife.

When I opened it up I was shocked. I had thought about doing this before but now I was finally doing it. It was such a weird feeling and so many questions were going in and out my head.

Is this the right thing to do?

What about your mom will she feel guilty?

What about Angie?

Do you really want to do this?

I sighed. Honestly I wasn’t sure, was this the way to go? Probably not when have I ever gone the right way.

Nevertheless, I continued. It had been seventeen years and I still hadn’t found a reason to live; there was no need to waste any more time. With that, I took the knife and gave myself the deepest cut on my wrist I had ever done.

It hurt like an absolute bitch, and I wanted to scream so loud. I even thought of backing out for a second, and started silently begging, “Please make this stop. I've changed my mind; please!” I said, but my voice was barely above a whisper.

Tears started streaming from my eyes, and my lips started to tremble. This is it, I thought. This is where I end it all – no more pain, no more suffering. It's all over.

As more blood drained from my wrist, I began to get flashbacks – but not of every part of my life; only the good times. There were flashbacks of me running around the yard while Mama chased me, me and Hitch sitting on the swing talking about the boy she had a crush on at the time, and us being a giggly mess. I also remembered Mama holding me in her lap and singing to me. The flashbacks were deceiving me into thinking I had made the wrong choice, and sadly, I believed them.

I began to call for help, but my voice was still lower than a whisper: “Please, someone help me!” I cried, but it was far too late – the pain was so bad, and I could already feel myself slipping away.

I closed my eyes and swallowed my faith. This wasn't going to end like some fairytale. I did this to myself and needed to accept the fact that I was going to die. The sound drained from my ears, and I got off the toilet and laid on the floor. Suddenly, I felt okay with this ending; it wasn't such a bad one. To be honest, I'm surprised I didn't do this earlier. I sighed, "Well, y/n, it was nice knowing you." I said. "I'm sorry I couldn't let you live longer, and I hope you're not mad. I mean, you could have been a billionaire with an emotional background, but I cut that dream short." I chuckled. Even in death, I was still too pathetic to have anyone other than myself to talk to. "Goodbye now."

Just then, the door to the bathroom hit my head. "Is someone in here?" I heard a girl say. She continued to push the door; I don't think she knew it was my head. "Why the fuck is this door so heavy? I got to take a piss," she scoffed.

She ended up squeezing through the little crack she managed to make, and that's when she saw me. I was curled up in a little ball with my wrist tucked under me. "Oh, shit! I didn't know you were sleeping," she said, but of course, I didn't answer. She must have figured I was just a deep sleeper because she was pushing the door pretty hard on my head. Since I was facing away from the toilet, she just used the bathroom. When she was done, she washed her hands and looked back at me. She found it weird I wasn't moving at all. "I hope I didn't kill her," the woman said to herself. She sighed and checked my head. There were no injuries, but she still didn't walk away. She had a bad feeling; leaving a girl alone sleeping on a bathroom floor at a party full of people wasn't a good idea.

She began to tap me to tell me to get up, but there was no response. So she tried shaking me, but again no response. “Shit,” she said under her breath, “she’s probably passed out drunk.” The woman got up and sighed. She was thinking about just picking me up, but where exactly would she take me? I were drunk, and she wasn’t just about to go around asking strangers if they knew me. Then she thought that maybe I had a phone on me, and began to search.

After searching almost everywhere, she thought it might be in my hand and began to look there, but to her horror, the minute she got my hands from under me, there was no phone. Instead, there was blood soaking my shirt. “Shit,” she examined my wrist and realized a deep cut. “Don’t tell me she—” The girl had no time to think. The cut was too deep, and I was already unconscious. She couldn’t waste more time. She quickly picked me up and put me on her back and rushed to her car. She got strange looks, but it’s not like she noticed.

She put me in her car and started to drive. She didn’t even know where the hospital was; her body was on autopilot. But somehow, she managed to drive all the way there. She picked me up out of the car again and got you on her back. She couldn’t help but realize how cold I was.

She made it inside the hospital and went to the front lady. “I need help immediately!”

“Ma'am, you have to wait in the waiting area,”

“No, you don’t understand; she's bleeding out of her wrist and she's not responsive.”

“Bring her this way,” the lady stood up and took Annie to the emergency area. Soon, doctors came out with a stretcher and helped take me off her back and laid her down.

“What's her name?” the nurse asked while the doctors rolled her away.

She looked at her but she couldn’t tell. She looked so lifeless. “I have no idea; she was just at a party I went to.”

“What's your name?” The nurse asked.

“Annie. Annie Leonhart.”

“Thank you. She's in good hands; you can wait for her over there,” the nurse pointed over at the waiting room.

Annie shook her head and made her way over there.

Annie ended up waiting there all night. The nurses told her multiple times that she could leave, but she refused; she didn't know you, or anything about you, but she wanted to make sure you were all right. At about seven a.m., a nurse came out and told her you were doing okay; she said it was likely you would be up in a couple of minutes, if she wanted to stick around for that.

Annie obviously agreed. She waited a few more minutes until the nurse told her you were ready. She followed the nurse to your room and there you were. Your eyes were blankly staring at the wall in front of you, and you looked scared. Annie just stared at you. She could tell exactly who you were now: You were Y/N L/N, and everything started to make sense to her. She knew how bad your school life was; she and you went to the same school and word gets around like wildfire. She knew about the bullying, the harassment, the abuse, and the rumors spread on you, but she never thought it was this bad.

“I want to leave” I whispered.

“I’m sorry dear but we need to call your parents” the nurse said.

“No, please, just let me go home,” I said.

“We need you to tell us how you got that cut on your hand,” the nurse replied.

“It was from broken glass; can I go now?”

“Well, you need someone to--”

“I'll do it,” Annie said.

“Huh?” the nurse said, confused.

“I'll take her home,” I said.

“Alright,” the nurse handed me a bag with my stuff in it.

I got up to change and went outside with the woman who said she'd take me home. In reality, I had no intention of going with her; I just didn't want to hear that nurse speak anymore.

I began to walk away in my own direction.

“Where are you going?” she called out to me.

“Don't worry about it,” I said, still walking away.

Suddenly, a hand touched my shoulder. “Hey, I said I'll take you home.”

“Back off. Why do you care so much? I'm not going home, and I don't even know you. So please, leave me alone.”

I tried to walk away, but she wasn't budging. “Hey, I said--” She didn't even say anything; she just started dragging me to her car.

Annie didn't take me home that day. Instead, she took me to get food and then to her house, where I showered and she let me borrow her clothes. After that, we went to watch a movie together. It's like she could tell that's what I needed after the night before.

After that day, Annie and I were almost always side by side. I got to know her and I trusted her; I knew I could tell her anything, and she would always be by my side.

I said Annie was the one following me around, but if I'm being honest, it's probably the other way around. Annie was the sunshine I needed when the storm got too dark and noisy; I knew that wherever she went, there would be some sort of light for me, so of course I followed her around.

As time went on, Annie realized I was relying on her to be a source of light and strength in my life. So she decided to be the light I needed to find my way through the darkness and to be the support I needed until I could learn to stand on my own.

And although I will never get her to admit it she and I both knew that the bond formed that day would forever be unbreakable.

A/n ~ I don’t really like how this chapter ended but idk what else to put/change. Also y’all I swear Rambo is so fine like I wish I could give y’all my mind to see him he’s so babygirl 😭

#aot fanfiction #aot x reader #aot x y/n #attack on titan #attack on titan fic #annie leonhart #eren jaeger #eren x reader #eren x y/n #eren yeager

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