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#And I know a part of that is not being able to find people like me; lacking a community or otherwise friend group
sh1-n0bu · 2 days
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♡︎ 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙙𝙧𝙖𝙜𝙤𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙢𝙮 𝙥𝙩2 ♡︎
characters: sub!dragons x nb!dom!reader
warnings: finger in vent again so vent fingering, established relationship, monster anatomy, clothes and undergarment stealing, clothes sniffing, the dragons are being a bit more feral, pillow humping, praise, pleading, thigh riding, guided vent fingering, squirting, nipple stimulation, bullet vibrator usage, mind break, fluff, needy dragon boys hehehehhehe
notes: due to popular demand, here is part 2 of dragons getting fucked dumb(●’◡’●)ノ im sorry if it took a while. i was having some health issues(;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`) part 1 can be read here!! gradient divider from @/benkeibear
word count: 4.9k
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ever since you helped out your large lizard lover with his heat, there’s only been one thing on his mind since then. your finger in his vent. the soft coos of your praises, the way you pushed his legs open to fuck him dumber, the way you nudged his hands off of his face so you could see his cute face twist and turn in pleasure as you fuck his hole.
“oh, for fuck’s sake! i need to get them out of my head” the dragon huffs aloud out of a sudden, hunching over his desk at his usual office as he hides the flush of his cheeks behind his hands. already a week has passed since the ending of his heat cycle and yet he was acting like he was still under the influence of his stupid dragon anatomy. he couldn’t even stop thinking about you and your fingers spreading him open while he cried dumbly on the bed, back arching and chasing after your fingers like a whore.
it was after his heat ended and finally able to at least articulate proper sentences that wasn’t about wanting you to wreck him, that the two of you have talked over and decided that perhaps it was time to make your relationship official. how long have the two of you been dancing around each other, making everyone roll their eyes at the way you two flirted with each other like some dumb teenagers? enough to the point people started making bets. enough that a half of the city had become 50 bucks richer and the other half poorer.
despite having already gotten into an established relationship with you, the poor dragon still felt shameful over some of his actions. such as stealing your clothes whenever you come over to his house to stay the night and lying to your face about not knowing where it was. you two were still basically in the baby stages of being an official couple which was why you needed some time to fully move your things into his house and to start living together. it takes time to settle y’know?
so it was definitely weird when some of your clothes started to disappear. the shirt that you usually wear when at the comfort of your or his home. the large, oversized sweater of yours that you have given the nickname of “the ugly one”. and strangely, you even had a hard time finding a certain undergarment amongst the mess of your home and the boxes of things that you packed up, preparing to move. strange. and even more strange, your overgrown lizard lover says he hasn’t seen them in his own home either. you genuinely started to question your own memory.
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in the meantime you were busy creating a storm in your home trying to triple check this week about your missing clothes, your boyfriend was having a hard time in his office. no matter how hard he tried to focus on the paperwork stacked in front of his damn face, he just couldn’t.
instead, his mind just kept drifting back to the memory of you helping him during his heat cycle. the praises that constantly fell on his ears as his toes curled, clawed hands scrambling to grasp for something to clutch onto because he was sure that he ascended when your finger fucked the small opening of his vent. and that lewd squelching noises of his slick dripping down from his vent. an oddly sickeningly sweet smelling scent coming from him as if trying to woo you, trails of his juice dripping from his vent down to his fluttering hole to the bed.
he was fucked dumb during those days and by the stars, he wanted it again. he wanted your hand fisting at his cocks, eagerly tugging on them as your finger abuses the squishy spot inside him. he wanted to sob and wail deliriously, bucking his hips, torn between wanting to chase after the pleasure or tearing himself away to save what leftover pride he had, as he begs for mercy. he wanted it. at this rate, if he kept thinking back on that moment, he might as well try to force his body into another heat cycle so soon.
shaking the imagery out of his head, the dragon clears his throat. looking around his office to see if anyone is around — to his luck, no one was — before breathing out a heavy huff. he might as well try to at least do his work during work time.
“maybe that chipmunk’s affinity to skip work is rubbing off on me…”
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perhaps even more had rubbed off on him. none which was a good thing.
“i’m sorry… i’m sorry i’m sorry ‘m sorry, [name]…” the dragon whines pathetically, wearing the oversized sweater he stole from you and nothing else. he just couldn’t get that memory out of his head. every time he tried, something small and insignificant would just remind him of it again. unable to keep up with trying to seem all professional, he rushed home straight after work — perhaps even earlier than the hours he gets out of his office — locking himself in his bedroom with a pillow between his thighs, wearing your sweater with your stolen undergarments to his face.
despite having already been fucked shamelessly just ten or so days ago, it still felt wrong to think of you in such a lewd way. in such a defiling way. in a way that it served as a huge disservice to who you really are.
“mmnngh—! [naamee]… m-miss you… missing you so bad…” the dragon whines, completely pent up as his slick continues to drip onto the pillow between his thighs, the outer scales of his vent already puffy and open slightly, weeping his mouthwatering juice. the poor thing was pathetic, trying to recreate the way you wrecked him so good. fingers messily rubbing and flicking against his vent opening as a means to mimic the way you ate him out the other day. spreading his slick around, making a stretching motion with his two fingers on the sides of his vent, flicking the small nub on top. it didn’t help. if anything, it only made it worse.
the dragon was trying to help himself out, to relieve himself off of his pain of unknowingly edging himself for the past few days. without you by his side to help him out or to hear his pleas. without you by his side to fuck him so good again. palming himself with a pathetic whimper, the dragon thinks about slipping a finger inside his vent the same way you did. but could he do it? probably not. he was just too damn of a coward, and there was the looming possibility of losing control of himself and letting his claws grow.
unable to do it in the end, he settles on merely stroking his cock. hand wrapped tightly around his weeping dick, your stolen undergarments wrapped around one of his cocks as he mewls, bucking his hips into the tight space of his closed fist. it was nowhere near to how it felt when you did it. perhaps at the time, it was his heat pheromones working but it felt good. your hand wrapped around his cock as your other hand fingers his vent opening. your hand felt so much better.
biting down on his lips, he cums into his hand, soiling your stolen undergarments as well in the process just the moment he thought back on the feeling. pouting, the dragon’s tail flicks in annoyance behind him, looking over at the clock hanging on the wall.
12:36. were you awake right now? you did indeed had tendency to stay awake a bit too late on some nights…
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knock knock knock!
the soft yet annoyingly persistent knocks on your door slowly rouses you from your sleep, making you roll around in the comfort of your bed in a silent declaration of war against the knocking. acting stubborn, clinging onto the cozy warmth of your bed, you groan as a string of curses falls from your lips as you involuntarily drag yourself out of bed. whoever that was outside your door in this ungodly hour shall face your wrath like sun wukong did with buddha.
pitter pattering to the door — where the knocking has become more persistent — you swing the door open, ready to curse the person and their 109 bloodlines before shutting up. standing in front of you with his tail and horns out in the open, slitted eyes glowing slightly, was your dragon lover. strange. he never visits this late.
“dear? wha— what happened? is everything alright? it’s—“ you take a moment to steal a glance towards the clock hanging on the living room wall before turning to face him again, “—nearly 2am” you finish, concern growing more and more when his tail comes to curl around his own ankle. a clear sign that he was feeling anxious or uncomfortable.
“can i… come in? i wanted to see you” the dragon asks in a meek voice, a strange habit that you found concerning and heartbreaking to see since your lover was usually one who is calm and collected at all times. nodding, you usher him inside before locking the door behind you.
quietly, you follow him as your lover makes a straight beeline into your bedroom, making himself comfortable on the edge of your bed as a pink flush starts to grow on his cute cheeks. you were about to ask him if he wanted something to eat or drink but perhaps not as the needy dragon was now staring at you as his tail swishes behind him, impatient. tails expressed emotions after all.
yawning, you move to sit beside him on the bed, to which you accept his hug when you finally settle down. his arms cones to wrap around your middle, tail now calming down from the earlier fussy movement as it curls around your calf possessively. humming, you run a hand through his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp.
the dragon loved it whenever you read him like he was an open book. to others, he was a stone wall, one that was made out of ancient scribbles and unintelligible runes. a warrior forged by blood and scent of death, one who was born and made by the cries of war and blind devotion from others. but to you, he was just a fellow being. one who was lonely from the many centuries he had spent, all by himself. struggling with the many different cultures of life, trying his best to learn and understand the human customs so he could properly court you in human traditions.
you two stay like that for some time. nestled against one another, just basking in the comfort of the peaceful life that you two found between yourselves.
“[name]…” the dragon whimpers from the crook of your neck, soft rumbling purrs mixing with his whining of your name. it was enough to snap you out of your sleepy state, making you hum as you acknowledge his call. he got your attention now. but the main point of hesitancy was — could he do it? could he be so shameful as to not only disturb your night of peace but to also be selfish to want you to pleasure him the same way you did a few days ago?
hearing the familiar noise of his tail hitting the bed constantly in a sense of irritation, you coo his name softly. one hand messing with the long strands of his hair while the other runs through his scalp.
“what’s on your mind now, my pretty?” you ask, taking a look at his face when it comes out of its hiding place in the crook of your neck. he seemed to be conflicted. brows furrowed, slitted eyes glowing slightly in the dark room while his lips tug in a small pout. laughing at the oddly adorable expression, you kiss his brows and pouty lips, making his purrs become louder. such a needy dragon.
“i’ve… been thinking,” the dragon starts after a while, taking his time to try and articulate his request and to convey his feelings that has been bothering him lately. a lot more than he initially thought they would.
“about how you helped me while i was in heat” he takes a moment, watching your expression closely to see if you caught the gist of what he was trying to say. you did, of course you did, you were a smart human after all. his smart human.
“and i was wondering if you could do it again…?” he finally manages to bring himself to ask, peering up at you through his lashes bashfully. how could you ever say no to such a face? such an ethereal and cute begging face alongside the promise of seeing his expression twist into one of someone who’s just fucked stupid. the cute face of your dragon lover drooling and sobbing fat tears while his heart shaped pupils stare at you in a silent plea for more. that face haunted your mind for too damn long, causing unnecessary moments of dozing off while remembering about the moment you slipped your finger inside, making your already horrible work ethnic drop to below ground level.
“sure. i wouldn’t mind it, pretty” you hum, any ounce of sleep leaving your body as you move to a more comfortable position on the bed. pushing yourself to lean against the headboard of the bed, you watch as your draconic lover takes his place on your lap. clawed hands coming to fist at the material of your pajama shirt, whining your name as he pushes himself flush against your chest. you could feel the mounds of his chest pressing against your own, his tail swishing behind him as he arches his back. your lips is pulled against his own, a small peck easily turning into a heated, messy make out. his forked tongue shyly licking at your lips, purring contently as his long tongue slithers inside you, exploring every nook and cranny needily.
you could feel his hips humping your thigh, the wetness of his vent weeping his precum already starting to stain his pajama pants and seeping into your own. you could tell he was too aroused, dumbly chasing after any ounce of pleasure there could be. you could feel the way your mixed saliva dripped down from your sloppy open mouthed kisses, his hands guiding yours to rest on his hips. a position you used to your advantage as your hands traveled downwards to knead his ass, squeezing the soft fat as he whimpers into the kiss.
the poor thing was so pent up, humping your thighs didn’t felt enough. it wasn’t enough to get him to that familiar feeling of high, that exhilarating feeling of feeling your fingers stretch his vent open while he could only keen like a whore.
“want it… want it so bad…” he mumbles into the kiss, guiding your hands to the hem of his pajama pants, tugging on them fervently to get the clothes off. you simply chuckle, finding his desperation adorable in more ways than one before finally relenting and slipping off his pants before he let out an annoyed hiss, pulling away from the sloppy make out session to tear off his underwear with his claws.
“darling! why would you rip it off?” you ask, amused by his eagerness but also slightly concerned for the way he just easily ripped off his clothes like that. you have never seen him get even the tiniest bit ticked off after all, so this was a new side of him that you were seeing.
“wanted more” he only huffs, demanding more kisses as he returns to shove his forked tongue down your throat. the length of his tongue got you groaning and panting, finding it harder to breathe as he becomes more needy with every kiss, with every sloppy slurp of your tongue against his own.
“mmnhp—! [nameee]♡︎” he let out a yelp, pulling away from the kiss to whine out your name as he felt your fingers knead his vent open. the poor dragon whined, huffing and puffing about how you were being so mean to him as he humps your thigh, the tips of his cocks slowly emerging from the scaled vent, both of his cocks weeping pre all over your clothes as his vent drips with his own arousal.
shifting him around, you let him lean his back onto your chest, hands hooking under his legs to spread them open. your dragon let out a little hiss, talking about how you weren’t paying attention to him. you simply shush his hissy fit with a chuckle, placing a kiss on his forehead. taking his hand, you tell him to withdraw his claws. an action he does with confusion before he let out a whimper when you guide his hand to his vent.
“b-but… i-i don’t think i can do it. i’m nervous!” he says in a panicked tone, turning his head to stare at you with cute pouty lips and wide eyes.
“yes, you can. i’ll guide you through it all, okay? it’ll feel good, promise darling” you say, peppering his face in kisses to soothe his worries. the dragon preens at that, his purrs getting louder as his tail whacks the mattress of your bed impatiently. once you get the hint that he was ready and he was okay with continuing, you guide his fingers to tease the edges of his vent. fingers rubbing the soft scales, making a spreading motion to ease the muscles there.
just some foreplay and he was already panting, legs twitching to close them. he was so cute.
“that’s it pretty, now keep your legs open for me” you continue to praise him through it all, your other hand leaving his leg to slip underneath his shirt. squeezing his chest, rubbing your thumb over his areola, you pinch at his nipple when it hardens, causing him to jolt in your embrace. whispering more praises of how he was doing so well, how he was your pretty boy, your beloved dragon, your hand guides his own to slip a finger inside his now loose vent.
“u-uunngh!! mmghh… mnngh… t-tight♡︎ too tight! w-won’t fit…♡︎!” he blabbers, throwing his head back on your shoulder as you slowly ease his finger deeper inside his vent. first, second knuckle until his middle finger was slipped deep inside the tight hole of his opening, legs shaking on the bed already like a fawn’s. there were already tears starting to form in his eyes, jaw slack open as heavy breaths fall. not a single thought behind his teary eyes. nothing but the pleasure your guidance and his fingers were bringing him.
“that’s it… that’s my pretty dragon, keep going” you coo out, pleased by how easily he broke under a simple pleasure of fingering his own vent. when he pathetically humps the air — finger still inside — you pull on his nipple to remind him how to do it. squealing at the amount of pleasure coming from both his nipples and vent, the dragon shakes his head, fat globs of tears already falling.
“c-can’t! can’t do it. [n-name] i need you♡︎♡︎ need your fingers so bad♡︎!“ he stutters, legs already shaking, about to close shut. too caught up in his own pleasure that he doesn’t even know what to do to properly pleasure himself even when you were here to guide him through it. clicking your tongue, you guide his hand to pull his finger out, something he couldn’t even perform without your help. he really was a goner with you.
“then, be a sweetheart and play with your tits for me, pretty. wanna see your cute breasts jiggle while i fuck you” you tell him, watching with endearment as he nods dumbly. hands coming up to push his shirt up, fingers twisting and pinching at his own hardened nipples. stuttered breaths fall from his lips when he could feel your thumb swipe at the slit of one of his cocks, jolting in place when you give his weeping cock a few pumps. the few visible veins in them were bulging, ready to pop and for him to squirt yet again if you just stop teasing him around!
but doing the same thing over and over again sounded boring to you. your sweet dragon deserved some treats for being such a good boy after all. he deserved some pampering.
“ah! gimme a second, darling” you snap your fingers, an idea forming in your head. he lets out a soft confused hum at that, hands still holding onto the soft mounds of his chest as he watches you move away to reach over to your bedside nightstand. opening the top drawer, he watches in curiosity as you bring out an odd small device that was connected to a small remote control by quite the lengthy wire. the color all cute pink, the toy small and nearly the size of a small hairclip but pretty girthy in width. were you… thinking on putting that inside him?
“it’s called a bullet vibrator. apparently, it’s supposed to add vibrations to any place of your choosing. and since i found out of your soft spot, i thought maybe we could try it out?” you explain to him, slowly unwrapping the long wire of the toy. it was quite lengthy. perfect to use it for his soft spot.
“only if you’re comfortable with it, dear. i wouldn’t want you to try anything you think you’re not ready for or feel comfortable with” you quickly say, ready to throw the toy away for another time when you feel the grip of his tail around your ankle. the soft smooth scales creating a soft, bristling sensation on your bare skin. if he could remember carefully, the most he took in his vent were two fingers. but it proved that his vent could be quite stretchy and take something more if given enough foreplay and gentle ministrations.
“i… i don’t think i would mind it. it sounds kind of fun, actually” he says after a moment of thinking on the matter, accepting the fact that yes, he can take it. he wanted to try these new feelings and challenges with you. everything would be right when with you.
“i would love to try this new toy” he finally comes to a conclusion, turning his head so he could place kisses on your neck and cheeks, purring in happiness when he could hear you chuckling. you should laugh more. the dragon loved the sound of your laughter — like soft bells chiming in the morning.
patting his thigh to tell him to open up his legs further, it was now your turn to plant kisses on his neck. you couldn’t exactly bite his shoulders as he still had his pajama shirt on, but you can take care of it tomorrow morning. so, you settle on peppering kisses on his neck, the faint scales that were around his artery, giving it a light suckle to which you got a breathy moan for. all the while you allow his vent to get used to the feeling of the toy, the material of it and its size, simply rubbing it over the soft outer scales.
“gonna push it in, okay pretty?” you whisper in his ear, to which he whimpered and nodded, one of his hands leaving his chest to intertwine his hand with yours. so cute. you can only hope he won’t crush your hand accidentally.
ever so softly, whispering praises to how good he was taking the toy into the shell of his ear, you take in the delicious noises he makes with a great amount of pride. the great and only dragon who could wipe out an entire nation off of the face of the earth, choosing you as his mate and bonding with you. having his faith in you that you would take good care of him and his pleasures. it was a heavy emotion and one that comes with responsibility to a certain degree and you would always be sure to handle the heart of his that he willingly gave you, with tenderness of a first snow.
“aaah mmggh—! uungh♡︎ it’s in! i-it’s aaaanhg♡︎♡︎ hummg♥︎ inside... it’s insiiiecckk—♡︎♥︎!!” your dragon squeals, hips thrusting back and forth into the air as he feels the soft round edge of the toy pressed against the soft spongy spot inside his vent. it felt foreign to have something other than your hand touch him there, perhaps even disrespectful since it was supposed to be the only soft spot that only you must have the privilege to know and touch! but for the sake of this new level of pleasure that you promised, he swallowed his hissy fits, instead replacing them with a whiny soft moan.
“i know, pretty. i know. deep breaths for me, pretty” you murmur, giving soft squeezes to his hand that was tightly holding your own. his tail starting to wrap around your ankle and up your calf further with the fluffy haired end wagging in the air playfully around your knees. you let him get used to the feeling of the toy first. gently rubbing it back and forth on his spongy spot, hearing the way his breathing picks up pace as he throws his head onto your shoulder.
“gonna turn it on now, pretty” you warn him, keeping a close eye on the way his expression shifts. if he shows the slightest bit of pain, uncomfortable feelings or signs of discomfort, you were going to ditch the idea. a moment of pleasure is not worth loosing your comfort over, after all. thankfully, he was reacting well to the new intrusion. only positive notes of his pleasured noises and star crossed eyes. you say it to him again, this time just a bit louder with a squeeze to his hand in case he was starting to lose himself. that seemed to snap him out of his trance. just enough to nod his head to you.
“o-okay… okayhhh i understaaaNGGHH!! [n-name]♥︎♥︎[namenamenamenam]—♥︎♥︎ h-haaangh mmhg s-shoo much♡︎ f-feelsh too much♡︎♥︎!!” just a single switch to the lowest level of the vibrator and he was already shrieking, sobbing and thrashing about on the bed. legs shutting around your hand instinctively, salty globs of tears falling as he goes slack jawed. his entire body shakes as he squirts into his stomach, but this time, he squirted from both of his cocks at the same time. the pretty pink tips weakly letting out a few more drops before he was fully hard on both cocks again.
all the while, you watched with an ever growing jubilation as your lover is reduced to this mess on your lap. legs shaking like a newborn fawn’s, cheeks and pointy ears a lovely shade of red as his jaw hangs slack open. every now and then, he would go quiet, arch his back off of you before a loud shriek would follow as the vibrator hits just right. you could see hearts in his eyes, completely docile as his pupils grow wide, so much so you could barely see the glow of his eye color.
so pathetically cute as he mewls your name in a slurred gibberish, repeating it over and over like a broken record. a broken recording that only had one word and is stuck in an eternal loop to say that recording. the most prettiest one. one that you wanted to be selfish and hear all day, everyday.
“u-uuuugckk! aaaanhg gyanh!! mrrrph— luv you♡︎ luvyouluvyouluvyous’much♥︎! luv yoouugh [n-naamee], luv you sho muchhh♡︎♡︎ f-fuUUNGK—♥︎♥︎” he trashes about on the bed, constant declaration of love falling from his lips, kicking his legs at the blanket as he sobs deliriously until he squirts yet again. his own cum splattering over to his chest, soiling his shirt and wetting his still hard pink nipples. you give one of them a pinch, delighted as he mewls in a hoarse voice. pinching and tugging on the cute nub, rubbing the still vibrating toy around his spongy spot, you watch in sheer adoration and obsession as he shoots blanks.
turning off the toy, you coax his legs open so you could move your hand and slip the toy out of his vent. when the girth of the toy slowly slips out of his abused now puffy vent, your dragon lets out a sob as his hips jolt violently. you could see his juices dripping out of his fluttering vent, wanting to finger it back inside him but knowing that it would push him way too far over his limits.
“shh shh, there there, pretty. i got you. you did so amazing” you whisper, wrapping your arms around his middle to pull him flush against yourself. wiping away his tears and drool, you places butterfly kisses over his face as you ground him back to his mind. he was far too gone and he hated having baths when he was way too lost in his subspace. if he isn’t responsive enough when bathing together, he will throw yet another hissy fit.
“mmmgh… tired…” you could hear him croak out after a long time of rocking him in your arms. he was slowly coming back which meant it was time for a bath. but until he fully regains his mind, it was better to cuddle him close as his tail has a mind of its own and has yet to let go of your ankle. at all.
smooch! maybe another kiss to his pink cheeks would help him ground himself faster.
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dreamauri · 2 days
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♪ — 𝗪𝗜𝗥𝗘𝗗 𝗜𝗡? - part two max verstappen x reader (fluff) “. . . when he wants to be normal, he can count on you, stranger.”
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“Come on, you can’t say he has so much potential!” Max miserably tried to hold in his laughs as you continued your rant about how much better Max would look if he put a little more effort or thought in how he dressed. 
“I’m honestly starting to think he’s allergic to wearing anything . . . not Red Bull related. Like even in his streams! In his home!” 
Sitting in front of his laptop with a makeshift setup in the hotel room in Japan, Max found himself unwinding from the earlier media day when he gladly accepted to join you for a game of Fifa. It wasn’t until someone brought up Lewis’ outfit from this morning did you start your little ted talk. 
“La, please concentrate on the game, we’re losing!” he couldn’t stop laughing either so your team was toast either way. 
“No, because I bet he's wearing his Red Bull shirt right now wherever he is.”
The reason why Max was no longer able to hold it together was because he was indeed in a Red Bull shirt. He might actually take you up on being allergic to anything not associated with Red Bull.
“I’ll gladly design a few outfits for him, I swear!” 
“La-” Max put his face in his hands, shoulders shaking from laughter as his screen showed the opposing team scoring a goal. The dutch would usually feel frustrated if he were to be losing a Fifa game in any other situation, but not this one with you.
He's ready to lose and lose again, even give up his title as one of the world's top twenty Fifa players if he gets to spend time with you like this, laughing and joking; forgetting the world around, so it's just you and him.
Just two people . . . being people.
★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
“Since I have no one to show, you're stuck with me.” 
It’s kind of been a routine now, having a private call after a game or upon finding spare time. You two have gotten close. You even considered “amilian” to be a close friend, per say. A close friend who you regularly vent to about work or just randomly ask riddles or dad jokes to bother.
You enjoyed his company. He was a fun person to be around. He made you feel . . . yellow in a type of way too. You never felt left out or unheard. He always had time for you, it's like you were maybe gravitating to being more than close friends . . . it's not like you can do anything about it though.
Surely people make close friends online all the time. 
You stay up on your couch, scrolling through the settings of your laptop to show and rant despite having to get up in the morning. Max crossed his legs on his chair folding his arms and watching the screen as you messed around on your shared screen.
“La, it’s late.” He’s been trying to tell you for the past 10 minutes. It’s 6:30 in Japan, 7 hours ahead of the time in Paris, where you were. 
Not that he’s keeping track of the time where you were, it’s just that you shared the same time zone as Monaco, and he only had the GMT+2 clock displayed on his home screen because he needed to keep track of his cats . . .  not too make sure you got enough sleep or anything of that sort.
“It's only 11:30,” you shushed, pulling up pinterest. Max hung his head, trying to hold in his smile. “I could put together a whole outfit that would suit him right here and now,”
“La,” Max giggled watching you actually start to search and put things together. “I’ll make a deal with you, if you go to sleep, I'll try to get Max Verstappen in baggy jeans,” 
“WHAT?!” the blond flinched at the loud noise, looking around his hotel room to make sure no one heard anything -- despite him being alone. 
“You know I work in F1 right?” Max followed up, trying to hold in his smile at your silence. “La, you forgot?!” 
“I’m sorry!” you pleaded, holding your hands in a begging motion despite him not seeing anything.
Max put his hand on his chest and pretended to be offended when he was smiling really wide to the point his cheeks hurt. “My best friend doesn't know what I do for a living,” he gushed in fake hurt. 
Your mind blanked at the title. Best friend? 
“You do know what my job is, right, La?”
“. . .” You looked away embarrassed, you’ve known the guy for how long and don’t even know what his profession is. 
Max couldn’t stop his giggles. “Go to bed, La. I’ll get Max in baggy jeans for you.”
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“Hey um, million?” 
“I thought I told you to go to bed?” Max chuckled, crouched in front of his suitcase, digging through it in hopes to find a pair of baggy jeans or a white shirt that he probably doesn't own. 
“I am in bed technically . . .” The blond looked over to his laptop on his desk, the call still going. “You work in F1,” Max felt his heart jump in anxiety for a second, there's no way you figured him out. 
“Yeah?”
 “Well um . . . my boss chose me to go see how things were going with McLaren at the Monaco gp,” 
The dutch perked up at your announcement. “Really? That's great!” 
“Y-Yeah, it is,” you stuttered, agreeing. you crossed your arms, looking at the email congratulating you on your phone screen. “I mean, I'm glad, this is an experience of a lifetime. I get to drag along a few interns with me as well.” Max frowned, your tone did not match with the news you were announcing.
“What's wrong?” He got up, sitting on the desk chair, looking at your profile picture, the concern was clear in voice, as if you could feel him sitting beside you on your bed and gently rubbing your back to comfort you. 
“Well, I don't have anyone to go with - the interns don't count . . . and I don't know anyone in Monaco or the attendees-- except you technically . . . I haven’t been on my own for that long before,” you sighed.
Max furrowed his eyebrows, trying to decipher what you were asking of him.
“Is it-” you cut yourself of with a sigh. “Can I hang out with you sometime? During the weekend?” Max stayed silent, feeling his heart pounding to the point he was scared the organ would explode out of his chest. 
“I mean,” Max cleared his throat to hide the crack in his voice that arose from the anxiety he was drowning in. “I’m not traveling with the team every weekend, so I'm not sure if I'm going to be in Monaco . . . I’ll have to ask my boss.” he replied quietly and slowly, trying to comfort you still. “There’s still a few weeks before Monaco, so . . . I don’t know for sure.” He whispered, scratching the back of his head.
He was digging himself a grave. Asking Horner if he’s going to be in Monaco when he is the driver and already lives in Monaco? It’s too late now to be honest about who he is, he dug this hole himself and now he’s stuck in it.
It’s not like he can be like ‘oh, yeah of course you can hang out with me. Oh, I’m Max Verstappen by the way, the guy who’s driving the best car and winning all the races, so I can get you VIP tickets and a hot lap too if you want.’
“I’ll try my best to be there,” the blond whispered. You could almost feel him brushing your hair comfortingly. “We can get ice cream or go sightseeing. I know this really good cafe you’ll like . . .” Max will just have to keep digging his hole.
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proof reading credits to the lovely and amazing @classiclitfreak <3
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grandline-fics · 2 days
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Hi there! I hope u are doing well, can I request a strawhats crew reaction to a reader who can see ghosts or souls? It can be like their devil fruit power or just something that they're born with. It can be a short fic with all the strawhats or if it's too much it can just be the monster trio, i don't mind either way, do what you prefer! Thanks for letting me request!
DESCRIPTION:  You can see ghosts and spirits
WARNINGS: don’t think it’s too angsty but does mention dead characters. Luffy's is set just before a canon event.
CHARACTERS: Sanji, Zoro, Luffy
WORDS: 1,672
A/N:  Thank you for this request. For some reason I struggled a lot with how I wanted this to go and I hope you're happy with this outcome.
*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*
MASTERLIST | PROMPT LIST
———————
You didn’t really know the rhyme or reason for your gift. It was just always something you had and having grown up being able to see and speak with spirits you’d never felt the need to investigate it. Besides even if you were to learn the reason for your unique talent, it wasn’t like you were ever going to seek out a way to get rid of it. As far as you were concerned it was a part of you and it brought comfort to a lot of people once they got over their shock and in some cases heavy skepticism that you were playing a cruel prank on them. 
When you first set foot on the Thousand Sunny you had to suppress the shiver that ran up your spine as you were hit with an intense feeling that those on the crew were connected to a lost one and the weight of their grief was still heavy on their shoulders even if they didn’t realise it themselves. So you decided to keep your ability to yourself for now and help when the occasion to do so arose. As you set yourself up in your quarters you smiled softly, seeing that you truly were brought onto the crew for a reason. Idly you wondered who in the crew would be the first you would help.
SANJI
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Sanji turned out to be the first. You entered the kitchen and smiled in greeting to the ship’s cook only your gaze to drift behind his shoulder. Your smile fell slightly and you stepped further into the room, peering at Sanji with intent concern. “What’s wrong?” You asked, taking the chef by surprise as his own smile faltered. 
“Nothing, now that you’re here.” He insisted, adopting his charming smile once more  but you firmly shook your head, refusing to be convinced by his outward demeanour. Sanji became nervous and let his gaze fall away from you stare, finding it easier to maintain his pretence. Quickly he turned back to his chopping board and continued to prepare food for the evening meal. “What on earth would make you think something was wrong?” He asked, trying to keep his voice level. 
“Your mother only ever shows this clearly when you’re deeply upset about something.” Your voice was soft but it was enough to make Sanji drop his knife against the block with a dull thud. He felt like laughing at the ludicrous statement at the same time he felt like shouting at you for the weird joke. Yet he couldn’t do either. You didn’t know anything about him or his family and he knew it wasn’t in you to say something so heartless. Thankfully he didn’t need to demand you explain yourself because you proved your honesty immediately. “You have her eyes and smile, kind and comforting. She worries when you get like this, hiding how you truly feel.”
Sanji looked over his shoulder to see you smiling fondly at something or rather someone beside him. Desperately he wished he could see what you saw, to see her again but if this was as close as he could get then he would take it a hundred times over. “I don’t want anyone to worry, least of all her.” 
“Sanji we all have bad days and hiding that from the people we care about isn’t the way to do it.” You told him, finally looking at his face again, reaching out to lightly push some of the hair from his eyes. “We have emotions for a reason and no-one expects you to suppress them. I’m always here to listen, okay?” You weren’t surprised to be brought into a tight hug by Sanji and returned the embrace, letting him hold you for as long as he needed.
ZORO
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It took some time for you to finally see the spirit attached to Zoro’s heart with enough clarity to take in her appearance and hear her. It didn’t surprise you that this one took longer, Zoro’s personality never came across as being someone who clung to the past and let it cloud his vision but on a day like this it was clear even Zoro wasn’t invulnerable to the deepest of connections that you could now see had been cut far too soon. 
You’d wandered up to the Crow’s Nest to both take a break from the chaotic noise of Luffy, Franky, Chopper and Usopp and also settle in for your evening watch. This wasn’t anything new so Zoro only gave you a brief glance in greeting before going back to training against one of the reinforced training dummies Franky had made to withstand his attacks enough for a worthwhile practice. However he wasn’t moving the way he wanted, something was wrong with his movements. “You’re forgetting the fundamentals.” 
Your voice came from the seating and Zoro looked over his shoulder to see you were casually leaning against the edge, looking out at the ocean. He cocked his head to the side and arched an eyebrow at you. You weren’t even watching him, how would you know what he was apparently doing wrong? As if feeling his stare, you turned your head to look at him. “You’re getting too stuck in your head, just take a breath and keep it simple.” 
Zoro had to scoff at the advice. Yes, you were a fighter but not a swordsman so to be told what was wrong stung his ego slightly. It’d be like if he tried to tell Franky how to fix the ship. You seemed to read the offence on his face and it surprised him to see you laugh and hold up your hands lightly in defence. “That’s not coming from me, it’s coming from Kuina.”
Kuina? Now Zoro found himself glaring and tensing out of a fear of his private life being pried into. Where had you heard that name? Who told you about her? Not that he confided in many about his childhood friend. You sighed sadly and got to your feet. This wasn’t the first time you’d seen this kind of reaction and it wasn’t surprising that Zoro fell back onto the defensive and become distrustful. You stopped in front of the swordsman and glanced briefly at the spirit at his side.
“She’s happy to see you’ve come so far but your name hasn’t quite reached the heavens yet. You still have a long way to go and she believes in you.” You smiled and lightly punched Zoro’s arm when you saw the belief and shock appear in his no longer skeptical gaze. “Keep getting stronger but don’t forget her father’s teachings okay?”
“I won’t let her down. I made a promise.” Zoro affirmed strongly and you grinned, turning to go back to your seat when he quickly caught your arm, surprising you. You turned and looked at him questioningly. “If she’s still here do you…do you think you can help me speak to her?” 
LUFFY
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It wasn’t much of a surprise to you that Luffy was the one to seek you out. He’d caught some talk from the crew about the things you just seemed to know things about their past or about someone they knew that had passed away. His suspicions were confirmed when you’d all stopped on an island for supplies and you’d helped a grieving family in a way no-one else could. You’d managed to ease their pain and reassure them that their loved one was still with them and had no regrets. When you were back on the Sunny he appeared beside you on the railings, grinning widely and already bouncing with excitement. “You see ghosts right?”
“Yeah, I see them. Not at will though.” You clarified, with Luffy being well Luffy you didn’t want to disappoint him by making him think that what you could was as easily controlled as a Devil Fruit ability which this was not. Still though your statement didn’t deflate him, if anything he only got more excited and he leaned in closer and set his hands on your shoulders. 
“What about me? Is someone with me?” Despite how excited he was you could sense a faint desperation coming from Luffy and you wanted to be able to help but as you’d already told him this wasn’t something that you could manipulate and command freely whenever you wanted. You looked at Luffy carefully and then around him in search of a presence connected to him. Suddenly you felt a warmth and made out the outline of a man standing behind your Captain and you couldn’t help but smile.
“Ace.” You felt like you were saying it in greeting. You’d known about Luffy’s brother but never had the pleasure of actually getting to meet him. It was almost eerie how both Luffy and Ace grinned so happily and in sync but it was also so infectious. Luffy seemed pleased but then seemed to be eager for more. 
“Is it just Ace? Is anyone else with him? Maybe younger?” He asked and you slowly shook your head with a small frown. 
“Sorry Luffy, just Ace.” You said, disappointed that you couldn’t give Luffy what he wanted and seeing him sigh slightly and lower his gaze briefly made you feel guilty even though you knew it wasn’t your fault. Still though you couldn’t help but look to Ace, silently pleading for assistance on his part. However the brother only smirked knowingly and you began to suspect that Ace knew something you and Luffy didn’t. Thankfully that was all you needed to cheer Luffy up. “Just because I don’t see them doesn’t mean they’re not with you though Luffy. Maybe next time whoever it is you’re thinking about will be there instead?” 
“Yeah you’re right!” Luffy grinned while leaping up onto the railing, his previous excited energy returning instantly. Before you could speak any more, Law’s voice called for Luffy wanting to go over the plan for when you all would be reaching Dressrosa in just a couple days time. 
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seospicybin · 22 hours
Text
TOO HOT TO HANDLE.
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PART IV
Hyunjin x reader. (s)
Too Hot To Handle Masterlist
Synopsis: You and Hyunjin become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (13,8k words)
Author's note: Enjoy the last, LAST chapter of THTH8 and the final season of THTH. 🥲
"The person leaving the retreat is Hyunjin."
The first thing Hyunjin does is check for you, he cares for your feelings more than his own. He's crushed hearing his name being called out but he can't imagine how it feels for you.
The whole you both standing next to each other, you've been putting a brave face on yet you break into tears the moment he pulls you into his hug.
"You have continued to put your physical urges before emotional connections," Lana says.
He's hugging you so tight because it will be the last time for him to do so until you both meet again, perhaps, outside of the retreat.
"It's okay. I'll be outside there, waiting for you," he assures you, rubbing your back and kissing the top of your head.
"Trust me," he convinces you with a tender caress on your cheek.
He has to let go of you to bid farewell to everyone else, his heart is getting heavier for every moment he shares with these people rushes through his head as he gives them a goodbye hug. In the end, he doesn't even remember the bad, he only remembers the good ones.
"Hyunjin, please leave the retreat," Lana says.
He walks back to you for the last goodbye, he wipes the tears rolling down both of your cheeks while putting on a smile for you even though his heart is breaking for not being able to be with you to the end of the retreat.
He kisses your forehead and fondly holds you by the jaw, "I'll see you soon, okay baby?"
You nod with your eyes red and pooling with tears, not able to say anything back to him without breaking into tears again.
"I'll see you soon," he says again with another kiss on your cheek.
He takes a few steps away and then turns around to look at everyone for the last time, like it or not, he finds friends in them and thanks them in his heart for the memories he'll cherish for life.
Especially you, thank you to the lovely and the achingly beautiful you.
With a bittersweet smile, Hyunjin turns around and then leaves.
-
HYUNJIN: I feel like I've already won with her but at the same time, I've got to go, [heavily sighs] leave this retreat without her.
-
With your eyes blurry with tears and your knees trembling, you wouldn't make it to the bedroom without Edie's help. "Come lay down," she says, guiding you to your bed and helping you get onto it.
She then sits on the edge of the bed, puts a pillow on her lap, and lets you rest your head on it.
"Oh, my God. I can't believe this," someone else says with a shaky voice and you can tell that it's Vic.
There are so many hands rubbing your back as you keep crying, sobbing into the pillow.
To say that your heart aches from Hyunjin's departure would be an understatement. It feels like someone has stabbed you right in the heart and twisted the knife over and over again.
"Hyunjin's gone," you croak in between your cries, saying those words only makes it unbearably painful.
You roughly wipe your eyes open and can finally see the girls gathering around you, offering their presence and their comfort to you.
"And I can't do anything about it," you croak then drop your head onto the pillow and sob again.
Edie comforts you by softly patting your head and putting away the hair stuck to your wet cheeks.
"Oh, God..." you breathlessly sigh while clutching your chest, "I'm going to miss so much."
"I know," Edie says, wiping the tears pooling in the corner of her eyes.
Vic finds your hand and squeezes it so tight, she knows she can't help you with anything but being here for you.
"It's going to be okay," a voice says behind you and you look over your shoulder to see Saskia there, landing tender caresses on your back.
How is it going to be okay when your heart breaks into smithereens and Hyunjin takes the pieces away with him? How is it going to be okay when you feel like you're losing a part of yourself? Are you going to be okay at all?
-
YOU: Obviously, I thought I would have more time with him [sniffles]
-
In the morning, your heart breaks all over again.
Waking up alone on your bed not only reminds you of your heartbreak but also reminds you that it's real, he really is gone and yesterday was not a dream.
The pain is there, telling you that it's all real.
You drag yourself up and sit with your back against the headboard, and have a sip of water as if it would lessen the stinging pain in your chest.
Noticing that your eyes are blank and looking sad, Edie jumps onto your bed, snuggling up to you and putting her long arm across your chest.
"I'm so happy that you stayed," she mumbles.
Her words warm your heart, and you respond with a caress on her forearm and a smile.
The bed creaks as someone else joins the two of you, also cuddling you from the other side of the bed.
"All of us are happy that you stayed," Saskia says, correcting Edie's earlier remark.
"We'll have the most amazing time," she mutters to you.
It already feels weird waking up without Hyunjin but that doesn't mean you're closed yourself off from having fun.
"Okay?" Edie asks, her big eyes looking right into you.
And it's not fair for other people to have to deal with your somber mood which indirectly affects them too.
"Okay," you answer with a nod and a smile.
It's sweet that they're making sure that you don't feel alone or left out in the retreat. Your partner may have gone but you've been given a chance to continue your journey and time to progress.
"Thank you," you mutter to both of them with a grateful smile.
Edie nuzzles her head further into the crook of your neck, "I love you," she cutely mumbles.
After all, you're not alone on this journey of self-discovery, you have these people you're sharing the journey with.
-
YOU: I'm thankful that these girls are so supportive. I think everyone here has been very kind and wonderful, I'm lucky.
-
It does feel weird being here without Hyunjin.
He'd always find you when he has nothing to do and vice versa, and when you're not together, you would find him in just a turn of your head, not far from your sight. You feel each other's presence whenever one of you enters the room.
The connection you have with him is one-of-a-kind, one that you haven't had with someone in a long time.
If he were still here, you wouldn't be alone for the upcoming workshop this afternoon. It has a nice setting with the sunset in the background and every couple has a table for themselves, you end up third-wheeling Remy and Saskia.
There's a cooking station set in front of everyone and not long after, someone enters while waving her hands high at everyone.
"Hello, my loves," she cheerfully greets everyone.
Everyone welcomes her with a round of applause and some cheers. She looks vibrant in her colorful outfit and pink bandana, a smile never wears off her face as she stands in front of everyone for her introduction.
"My name is Rita and I'm a chef," she announces.
"I'm here to teach you how to heat things up," she pauses as his eyebrow raises in intrigue, "and cook."
Rita looks like someone who gets along with everyone just fine, she has that happy-go-lucky vibe going and an infectious smile.
"But I know all of you are more interested in the heating things up part," she says, having some wits in her too.
-
YOU: I like Rita. She's such a sweet person. She brought a wonderful energy.
-
The previous workshops were about touching, sexual energy, emotional connection, and now, cooking which is great that you get to experience something different, completely new but not less helpful and educative.
"I think when you cook for someone, it's a sign that they're nurturing their love for them. Nobody cooks for people they don't like, right?" Rita says as she walks around to see everyone face to face.
"Well, unless you plan to poison them," she jokingly adds.
You're not great at cooking but if you have to rate your skill, you can safely say it's average, below average even so it's nice that you have the chance to improve that skill.
"I also think it's important to know that when we cook, we also add our energy, our passion, our love to it."
You find yourself nodding and agreeing to her words, because everything comes back to the intention of why you do something in the first place, if you do it out of love, that person will feel it.
"Seducing through food is a great ace to have up to your sleeve," Rita says with a sly smile, making everyone giggle in response.
She walks back to her cooking station and gets behind it, she puts her hands on the shiny surface to continue talking.
"Me personally, I would fall in love with someone who says something like 'I'm cooking for you today," she says.
Rita starts by taking bowls of ingredients she has prepared and puts them on top of the station. She then scans everyone and her eyes stop at Vic and Edouard's table.
"Come here, you, love!" She points at Edouard.
Edouard looks around thinking that she's talking to someone else and awkwardly gets up from his seat once Vic assures that it's him who got called to the front. He gets picked to cook the appetizer with Rita.
"I will teach you to cook for her," Rita tells him, "Something delicious like you."
She's making Edouard stirring the ingredients she puts inside the big salad bowl all the while explaining the process to everyone.
"We need something crunchy," she says, walking to the back to get something.
She then returns with a bowl of peanuts and puts some into the salad bowl, "You know what? Peanuts make you horny."
Edouard chuckles as he carefully tosses the salad, "We can't get horny here," he says.
"Oops! More peanuts then," Rita cheekily adds more peanuts into the bowl.
Once they finish, they plate it together and have Edouard deliver it to everyone's tables. It tastes sweet and sour, so refreshing, and what you love the most is the whole texture of it. Rita is definitely making it easy for everyone because even if you followed the recipe and everything, there's no guarantee that it'll taste this good.
For the main course, you get the honor to cook it with Rita. You're more than glad to make yourself useful and put your mind off things, and also to let Remy and Saskia have the table for themselves.
The first thing you do as you get behind the cooking station is check the ingredients and try to guess what Rita is going to cook with them.
"Why are you by yourself?" She asks you.
You politely chuckle and answer, "Lana sent my man home."
"Why?" She curiously asks.
"We spent too much money," you shyly reveal.
"How much?"
You never really calculated how much money you've spent until she asks you, "About 70 grand?" You give her a rough calculation.
Rita lets out a gasp and her eyes widen in surprise like a cartoon character, "Girl, what did you do?" She asks with a gentle shove at your shoulder.
"Spicy stuff, mostly," you playfully respond.
She takes your hands and holds them as she looks at you, "You look like a good girl but you're pretty naughty, huh?"
You nod, admitting her words with a shy laugh.
Rita is a great teacher, she gets you through each step with so much patience and you try your best to keep up with her as she tosses ingredients as she pleases. She checks the food once in a while to make sure it's well-seasoned and thoroughly cooked.
"What's the key ingredient in all food?" She asks you out of the blue.
You have to stop stirring the sauce on the pan to think of an answer, you're torn between a philosophical answer and a forthright answer.
"Love?" You settle on the former.
Rita's smile wavers a little, "I was thinking salt but yeah, okay, that too," she jokes.
You continue with the cooking while everyone else laughing at your answer but you don't feel offended at all, if anything, it feels good to make them laugh.
"Love means salt in food," Rita says as she adds a pinch into the saucepan.
You finish your task by delivering plates of food to everyone while Andy and Remy deliver cocktails they made together.
Once you're done, you come back to your seat at the table and have a bite of the food you cooked. It tastes better than you imagined, it's even better because you cooked it, and somewhat rewarding.
-
YOU: I think we can apply a lot of what we've got in this workshop to our lives. I really believe that when you cook for your partner, they can feel what you're trying to express to them.
-
Since Edie is a vegan, Rita calls her to the front to cook her meal together while everyone is busy having their main course.
"I know you're vegan so I'm making something special for you," she says to her.
"Thank you," Edie sweetly mutters.
"Everyone deserves to eat. How could I leave you out?" Rita kindly says.
Frida is handed the task of preparing the desserts for everyone and gets to decorate the plates together with Rita. As for you, you just can't wait to have a taste of it because it looks so appetizing.
When the dessert finally gets to you, it's so beautifully plated that you don't want to ruin it, but at the same time, you can't wait to dig into it.
"Can I save some for later?" Saskia asks Rita who's watching everyone eating her food well.
You take a moment to look at everyone to see how everyone is truly enjoying their food and you believe it's because Rita cooked it with her positive energy, passion, and love as she said.
This one made it to one of the most memorable moments in the retreat.
Seeing that everyone is close to finishing their desserts, Rita gets to the front of the station and clasps her hands together in front of her.
"I'm here to talk to you about love and one of the most sublime lessons I've learned in life is to spread all the love I have inside," she says with a smile.
She looks at everyone from left to right and continues talking, "Some people paint, some people dance, some people sing, well, I... I cook. I found myself like this, and I think finding ourselves is a good part of life," she says.
Everything she said is so heartwarming that you find yourself smiling listening to her talking which is exactly what you need after a torturous day you've had yesterday.
"This is the only one of many beautiful moments you'll have from now on, whether it's around the kitchen, on the dining table, or lying on a bed," she says with a grin.
Rita takes a breath before continuing, "After all, the best thing in life is to love and be loved."
Everyone is applauding in agreement to her words and simply in gratitude for the food, and this valuable workshop she shared with everyone.
"See you, lovely people," she concludes the workshop with a hand kiss at everyone and her infectious smile of hers.
-
YOU: Food definitely brings people together. Everyone was laughing, everyone was interacting. They're enjoying the food and the company they're with.
-
The villa is empty since the couples are being sent on dates. Remy and Saskia left this afternoon, then Vic and Edouard left not long after them while Diego and Frida will leave later.
The rest of us are hanging out in the swimming pools and enjoying most of the retreat since it's getting close to its end.
"How are you feeling?" Andy asks, brushing his wet, blond hair to the back.
"Well, it comes and goes, you know," You turn over to lay on your back and stack your hands under your chin.
It's hard not to miss Hyunjin when you used to spend most of your days with him in every part of this villa. The pain comes whenever something reminds you of him and it goes when you remember his promise that he'll be outside waiting for you.
That's how your day goes with pain that comes and goes like the waves.
While waiting for everyone else to come back from their dates, you're getting ready for a party Lana is throwing tonight, probably the last one in the villa.
You're about to do your hair when you see Vic and Edouard coming into the room, holding hands and smiling ear to ear.
"Oh, my God!" Edie squeals in reaction to their return.
You put down your hairdryer and look at them, "How was your date, guys?"
Emilie abruptly stops curling her hair and joins in to grill the couple with questions, "Tell us everything!"
"We went on a boat, we had fun cocktails and talked," Edouard answers.
"It was romantic with the sunset in the back," Vic adds another detail.
Edouard glances at Vic before continue talking and licks his lips, "It seemed like the perfect opportunity to ask her something," he says.
Edie is flapping her hands in excitement, kind of guessing where the talk leads to.
"What did you ask?" Andy asks with his shirt hanging loosely on his shoulders.
"I asked her to be my girlfriend," Edouard answers with a big smile.
The girls are cooing in unison but you quickly hush them since the story isn't finished yet.
"And what did you say, Vic?"
Vic can't contain her happiness, she breaks into a wave of giggles and nods, "I said yes."
Cheers erupt in the room and everyone comes to the couple to congratulate them on their relationship.
"I've fallen for him so badly," Vic shyly admits.
Edouard is gushing hearing her sudden confession and pulls her close to his side. He then remembers something that he hasn't shared with everyone, "We also got a green light!"
As someone who has seen them from day one, you must admit that they've come a long way and you couldn't be happier for them. At the same time, it's hard to not get jealous of them, and even harder not to think of Hyunjin in a time like this.
-
YOU: I'm very happy for them but obviously, the only thing on my mind is Hyunjin. I just miss him so much [sighs]
-
Andy leads the toast to start the party, making everyone raise their glasses in the air, and shouts Lana's name out loud at the count of three.
"Here's for Lana!"
"Lana!" Everyone shouts and collectively takes a sip of wine.
You allow yourself to soak in this moment for you couldn't get it anywhere else, and these people you thought were strangers at first, now become your friends that you'll cherish for a long time.
It would be a lot more meaningful if you get to finish it with Hyunjin but alas, you're proud of yourself nonetheless to be able to get to the endpoint. You decide to sit the rest of the party and watch everyone dancing to the blaring music while quietly sipping your drink.
Frida joins you and leans in to ask you against the loud music playing, "How are you doing, my darling?"
You swallow your drink first to answer her, "I'm having a good time with everyone but I can't lie, I miss him."
Frida smiles and nods, "I can see that."
Everyone knows you're not good at hiding your feelings so it comes as no surprise that she can see it, "But it's normal, right? If anything it shows that my feelings for him are deep and real."
"Of course!" She shortly replies.
"I think about him and the memories we could've had. He's not only my partner, but he's also my best friend like... I don't even think about the physical stuff anymore. I genuinely miss him," you openly share with her.
You miss his cute morning greeting, you miss having conversations with him, you miss listening to his random ideas and you simply miss being around him. You miss him with your whole heart.
Someone lets out a scream and you almost jump on your seat, Frida is as startled too. Then everyone looks in the direction of the stairs that leads down to the beach and you turn your head to see someone appears.
"Who is that?" Edie asks in a panic.
No one can see who it is with the mysterious person wearing a hooded black cape and looking down to hide his face. The figure keeps walking and stops in front of everyone, slowly revealing himself by pulling his hood down.
"Oh my goodness!" You let out a loud gasp in reaction to his return.
It's really him, it's Hyunjin and he's coming back.
-
YOU: This is one of the happiest moments in my entire life. And he just looks so good in all black.
-
Hyunjin is ecstatic to see everyone's reaction to his return, especially you. You light up the second he reveals that it's him and you come running to him, throwing your arms around him to welcome him with a tight, warm hug.
He lifts you off the ground and holds you just as tight, feeling his heart getting less heavier the longer he holds you.
Realizing that there are other people, he slowly puts you down to give everyone else a hug as well.
"I can't believe it!" Edie exclaims, jumping on her feet while hugging you from the side.
Andy is still in disbelief as well, he roughly brushes his hair to the back and asks, "Are you staying, bro?"
"Yeah. Tell us what is going on?" Frida hesitantly asks.
Hyunjin uses the opportunity to explain what happened to him after he got sent home by Lana that day.
"As I got kicked out of the retreat, Lana decided to give me a second chance," he says.
"I went through a one-on-one workshop. It was intense but I learned so much about myself and it'll help me moving forward," he pauses in the middle to look at you, "especially with you."
You brightly smile as he points at you and you come to his side, hugging him with eyes that flicker as you look at him.
"Which is why I'm here," he says to everyone.
-
HYUNJIN: I'm back, baby! [Grins]
-
Hyunjin is glad to be back here.
He has had to work on himself, he changed his outlook on things but the biggest thing he's taking from the entire experience is that he has a genuine connection with you.
You take him by the hand to the bedroom to have some privacy so you can comfortably catch up with each other.
"You're back," you happily exclaim as you enter the bedroom.
You turn around on your feet and look at him, "Can't believe you're back," you say again.
He takes your other hand and pulls you into a hug, "I'm here baby," he assures you that his presence is real and not just your imagination.
"I missed you," you mutter with a long sigh, a sigh that lets out all of your worries and restlessness.
"Missed you too, baby," he mutters back. In fact, he never missed someone this much in his entire life.
You both stay like that for a moment until he takes you to sit on your shared bed. He endearingly brushes your hair to the side and holds the side of your face.
"How are you?" He softly asks.
"I felt like grieving a death these past couple of days," you answer with a sad pout, "what about you? You need to fill me in about everything."
"That day... So many emotions going through me. Confusion, anger, there was so much that I can't even explain it to you," he replies, letting out a sigh that describes how overwhelmed he was that day when Lana sent him home.
"Let me tell you when I was away, I missed everyone," he says, lacing his hand together with you on his lap, "but you were on my mind 24/7."
There wasn't a moment where Hyunjin didn't think of you, it was what kept him going and eventually earned his way back here.
A smile rises on your face and oh, how he missed it, that smile cures all of his sorrow away and replaces it with something that wraps his heart warmly.
"I'm so happy you're here," you say to him with a blissful smile that shows him how much you meant those words.
You crash yourself at him, burying your face in his chest as he hugs you close while putting soft kisses on the top of your head.
You look up at him and smile with your eyes closed, "It still feels like a dream to me."
The melodic chime shatters the tender moment and Hyunjin immediately breaks the hug to face the cone.
"What's up, Lana?" He asks the cone. He glances at you and you give him a puzzled look in return.
"Hyunjin, through your one-on-one workshop, you were able to access your true feelings about your partner, proving to me that your connection is more than skin deep," Lana says.
Hyunjin nods and keeps holding your hand on his lap as he intently listens to what Lana is saying.
"However, actions speak louder than words. Which is why you will both be put to the ultimate test."
Of course, the thought of being put into another test makes him nervous because the last time he had it, he lost everything. This time he's sure will be different, he has learned to control his urges and is more prepared now.
"A night alone in the suite."
However, a test is a test and it's not going to be easy.
"While I was absent, the total sum of your rule breaks was $90,000," Lana informs, "If you refrain from breaking the rules tonight, you will win back all the money for the group."
Finding out how much his reckless act costs him that night at the suite, he realizes how selfish and how big of a mess he made for the group. Now, he's given the chance for redemption and he has to take it.
He looks at you and says, "Time to repay our debt."
"I have gathered the rest of the group at the cabana. You must now tell them of your challenge," Lana orders.
He takes a deep breath and answers her, "Challenge accepted, Lana!"
-
HYUNJIN: It's going to be the hardest test for me but will all the stuff I've gone through in the workshops, I'll show how much I've improved myself.
-
As Lana said, everyone has gathered in the cabana and waiting for both of you. It feels so awkward standing facing everyone, it's like he's trying to admit a crime he hasn't even committed yet
"We have news for you guys," you start the talk.
Hyunjin takes his turn to continue while steadily holding your hand, "Basically, Lana told us that we've got a night at the suite," he announces.
He can see that they don't take the news well because the last time you and he were in that suite, all hell broke loose so why the final test has to be held there he guesses is what everyone reckons.
"This is the final test," he says, emphasizing the importance of it, "If we pass this Lana will give back $90,000 to the prize fund."
Everyone is cheering at the mention of how much money will be gained from it but the key to success here lies in whether you both pass the test or not.
"Lord, help us all..." Diego sighs loud enough for him to hear it.
He understands that some people are still skeptical about him if the workshops really worked on helping him with his physical urges. But that's the motivation he needs, it encourages him to prove them wrong.
"The only way to make you guys proud is to pay you guys back," he says.
"That's right," Remy says, nodding along to his words.
You look at him before looking back to everyone, "Wish us the best of luck?"
No one says anything and it's getting awkward with each passing second goes in silence.
"Well, we've got nothing left now so please, do us proud," Andy says, representing everyone as he said it.
You look at each other at the same time that you both crack into laughter, he takes your hand and waves bye at everyone to leave for the private suite.
"Oh, yay! We get to go to suite again," you lowly exclaim and giggle.
-
HYUNJIN: It'd be nice to pay the debt to everyone but when I'm with her, the tension goes... [whistles] through the roof.
-
It feels like a dream still that Hyunjin is here.
The second you enter the private suite, you turn around and hug him again, feeling the warmth of his body against yours and drinking in his natural scent that you didn't know you missed so much.
"Missed you so much," you tell him again and again because telling him once is not enough and even though you're with him, you're missing him still.
He hugs you back and kisses you on the neck, without warning, hoisting your body to take you to bed.
The suite is decorated similarly to the first time you got here, the room is dim and lit candles lined up on one side of the wall, rose petals on the bed, a bottle of champagne chilled in a bucket of ice, the sex toys and condoms are present and ready to use.
You don't need any more pointers to sex, the room itself reminds you of what you did the last time you were here. Not going to lie, you get butterflies from the flashbacks.
Hyunjin swiftly pops open the wine and fills the flutes with bubbling wine.
"Do you remember what we did the last we were here?" You playfully ask him.
He licks his lips after sipping his wine, making them wetter and redder like a ripe cherry.
"When I told you you were on my mind 24/7, our time in the suite is included," he shamelessly admits.
"Which one?" You ask with a sly smile.
"The second time," he shortly replies.
It's impossible not to think about it when you had sex in this very room, on this very bed and the person you did it with is with you. You can see that he's thinking of the same thing too and despite everything, it was special for both of you.
"It means that it's our third time in suite," you remark, hooking your fingers on the belt loop on his jeans.
He leans in and puts your hair to the side so he can place a gentle kiss on your jaw. With his mouth only an inch away from your ear, he asks, "And you know what they say?"
"What?" You lowly ask back.
"Third time is a charm," he replies with a smirk and another kiss on your cheek, a little too close to the corner of your mouth.
You refrain from sexual stuff just fine when you're alone but when you're with him, all of your senses and everything you learned in this retreat are out of the window. He has that much influence on you and that's what makes him dangerous.
"Should we make a toast?" You suggest, raising your glass to the middle.
"Sure."
You clink your glasses together and say, "The third time is a charm."
"Third time is a charm," Hyunjin repeats the words while devilishly smiling at you and his teeth faintly biting his lower lips.
-
YOU: We did it once but I'm afraid, it'd only make us crave it more [bites lips]
-
You stand facing the sink and carefully take off your earrings, then your necklaces next, unclasping them one by one while Hyunjin checks the bathwater.
He then walks up to you, noticing that you probably need his help, "Need help?"
"Help me with the dress, please?" You sweetly ask as you place all of your pieces of jewelry into the soap holder.
"Okay," he obeys, putting all of your hair to the side before slowly unzipping your dress. He parts it open, exposing your back to the cool night air.
"Want me to take it off of you too?" He offers with his knuckles lightly caressing your back.
"Yeah, sure," you answer.
Hyunjin looks at you through the mirror as he pulls the straps of your dress down your arms and instead of keep pulling it down, he pulls it over your head and you raise your arms to the air to make it easier for him.
You can hear his low sigh as he takes a look at the reflection of your naked body in the mirror and he doesn't hesitate to slip his arms under and around you.
"My baby is so beautiful," he murmurs with his plush lips on your shoulder and drags them to your neck.
It feels a lot more arousing as he's holding your naked body while still fully dressed, you can feel his rough clothing making friction with your skin with the slightest of his movements.
"Mind your hands, please," you remind him as his hands slide down to your thighs.
He immediately rests his hands on each side of your waist and kisses your neck before pulling away. While you're putting your hair into a bun, you quietly watch him taking his clothes off through the mirror.
He's a lot more attractive than the one you imprinted in your mind, you wouldn't say he's muscular but he has muscles in the right places and they contracted when he's taking his shirts over his head, sending his hair disheveled.
You hurriedly distract yourself, taking care of the bath and turning the faucet off. You check the temperature once more by dipping your hand into the water.
"Bath is ready," you announce.
When you look over your shoulder, Hyunjin is already standing behind you, naked. You suddenly get nervous at how close he is, you can feel the heat his body emitting.
"You need help to take it off too?" He teasingly asks, picking at the thin strap of your underwear.
"If you want to," you coyly answer.
Hyunjin surely won't skip the chance to get physical with you, you stand still while hugging yourself as he takes your underwear off for you. He slowly pulls it down until it's pooling around your ankle and you kick it to the side.
"Are you going to help me get into the tub too?" You tease with a sly smile on your face.
To your surprise, he lifts you newlywed style and gently puts you down into the tub, showcasing his strength and the muscles on his arms.
"Anything else I can help you with?" He sweetly asks.
You take his hand and pull him close, leaving only a few inches between your faces. Seeing him this close and not being able to kiss him is a real torture.
"Actually yes, can you get the wine, please?" You politely ask with a soft smile.
-
YOU: I know for a fact that we can't be close to each other because if there's a spark, we'll catch a fire.
-
Memories are coming back, you and him in the bathtub, the water is warm but the temperature keeps on rising and rising. It's a scene that was once very familiar to him.
He'll never get used to seeing your naked body, you'll always appealing, alluring, and irresistible to him, it takes everything in him to not follow the urge to put his hands all over you.
The plan is to try to keep himself away from you but it seems like he already failed on that.
"Want to come to you," you say, putting your glass away and crawling over to him.
Unfortunately, your hand slips down the edge of the tub, sending you collapsing onto him but he's quick to catch you and steady you.
"Are you okay?"
You laugh as you rub your elbow, "I'm okay."
To avoid more accidents, he allows you to sit straddling him inside the tub, your hands are around his shoulders and your eyes are boring into his, filled with filthy ideas just like his.
"Let's get to know each other," you say.
He keeps his hands gripping the edges of the tub instead of on you, "Okay."
Your head is hovering above him and beads of water are dropping from the end of your hair onto his chest, "What's your favorite position?"
He kind of expected that the question would be about sex and he was right. Instead of running away from it, you're going straight for it, leading him into it. He drops his head to the back and groans.
"We shouldn't even think about it," he grumbles.
You're chuckling and lifting his head back to face you by supporting the nape of his neck with your hand, "We're just getting to know each other," you innocently say.
Hyunjin touches his lips as he thinks of an answer. He can think of his favorite positions but he can't help but think of the ones he wants to do with you. Then he looks at you and how you're straddling him, the way your eyes look down at him.
"I think this is the best position," he finally answers.
You tuck your hair behind your ear and place your hand on his chest, "Me on top is your favorite position?"
"I said best position for you, not for me," he explains it to you with a grin, "But I know I'd enjoy it nonetheless."
You giggle in response and lean in to kiss his neck, he's not expecting you to keep going at it, making a trail of kisses down the column of his throat.
This is not good and if he lets you keep going, he's not sure he can restrain himself anymore. He puts his hand on your neck and turns your head to make you look at him.
"We're here to talk so let's talk," he softly says, he gently touches your cheek with his thumb.
You nod and smile, leaning in while tightening your arms around his shoulders.
"Well, I'm so happy for us," you bump your nose against him, "Can you see that I'm so into you?"
It's hard to focus on the talk when your nipples are lightly grazing his chest. He has to actively tell his brain to keep it together.
"I never thought I'd meet the one here," he mutters to you.
You slip your hand into his hair, playing with his little ponytail and twirling it around your finger.
"Am I the one?" You ask with a shy smile.
He stares into your eyes which slowly enchant him, "You are the one."
He can't even believe that he said that out loud and his mouth would get ahead of his brain, but that doesn't make it less true. You are the one for him.
"I'd love to kiss you right now," you murmur with your lips merely inches away from his.
He immediately stops you from following your desire, he holds your face with both hands and keeps you close, "I'd love to do a thousand things to you but..." he can barely finish his sentence, he ends it with a sigh instead.
-
HYUNJIN: She's not making it easy for me, especially in the suite.
-
Bath time is over doesn't mean the temptation ends there too. You're dressed in a flimsy night dress that leaves so little to imagination and you catch him staring through it yet do nothing to stop him from doing it.
Hyunjin knows you secretly enjoy being ogled on like this.
"I feel like I need to test you a little bit," you say.
He lets out a chuckle, "Why?"
You put your hand across his chest and hover above him, "I need to know that you can be around me and you know, be good," you say with a nonchalant shrug.
He puts his hands under his head to prevent him from touching you, "I think I can. That's why I'm back," he not-so-confidently says.
"Okay," you repeatedly nod and touch his chest, caressing his soft, warm skin, then pour some wine onto it.
"What are you doing?" He asks with a suppressed moan as the wine streams down his front.
"I owe you a body shot, remember?" You coyly say, leaning in to drink the wine right from his body.
Hyunjin watches as you lick and suck the wine on his abdomen, you don't even hesitate to use your tongue to collect the droplets of wine on his abs.
"Oh, look at you being naughty!" He murmurs, feeling aroused at how you give him seductive gazes once in a while.
You giggle in response and continue your trail of kisses up to his neck and start nibbling on his ear, making his eyes flutter open and shut, immersed in the pleasure.
He has to use his hand to stop you or else, he'll get too worked up and—
You pull away and sit on the bed, tugging the hem of your night dress to take it off and leaving only your silk underwear on.
"And what are you doing now?" He asks, thinking that he's safely made it after that kinky body shot.
"You're okay with me sleeping naked tonight, right?" You say, tossing the night dress at him.
This is unfair. He's trying to be good and here you are, making it hard for him, literally and figuratively, and it's like everything he learned in that workshop evaporated from his head the second he sees your naked body.
You crawl over to him and just stay like that, hovering above him, teasing him with your body and how your breasts hang close to his face.
Using his knuckles, Hyunjin caresses your sternum down to your abdomen, then rests his hands on each side of your waist. How did he get himself into this compromising position?
"I'm anxious," he mutters.
You slowly lay yourself down on top of him and prop your elbow against the mattress to support your head, "Why?"
"Because I'm able to do whatever I want with you," he murmurs with his hand continuously rubbing the soft skin on your back.
You swipe your thumb across his lips and turn his head to face you, "If it were up to me, we could just say fuck it."
He slyly grins and licks his lips, making them glisten under the dim light, "Should we?"
You place a hot kiss on his neck and another on the sensitive skin behind his ear, then you softly whisper to him, "I say let's enjoy ourselves."
-
HYUNJIN: Despite everything, I think we deserve this last suite.
-
In the morning, it rains down kisses on your back, shoulder, and neck. He stretches his arm out, gesturing you to rest your head on it so he can pull you closer and peppering you with more neck and shoulder kisses.
"Morning," he hums to you.
"Morning," you mumble with eyes barely open.
You both stay like that for another moment, cuddling each other and simply enjoying each other's presence in comfortable silence.
After a while, he looks over your shoulder and says, "I had a great night last night."
You hold his hand and clutch it close to your chest along with the duvet, "Me too."
The morning continues with breakfast, you borrow Hyunjin's shirts since you're wearing nothing but your underwear. It really brings back the memory of the first time you went to the suite together with him.
While you're busy chewing your food, he suddenly grabs your elbow.
"You have a bruise, babe," he informs you with his thumb gently rubbing on it.
You put down your fork and immediately have a look at it, there's a blossoming bruise right below your elbow.
"Oh?" You guessed it was from last night when you accidentally slipped in the tub.
"Does it hurt?" His voice is tinted with concern.
"Well, it's your fault," you grumble at him and pick up your fork to continue eating.
He looks so puzzled at your words, making you want to tease him more.
"You were so rough last night," you jokingly add with a grin.
"Not that you minded last time," He replies with a cheeky response, then aggressively throws himself at you and attacks your neck with kisses.
There's not much time left in the suite, you head straight to the bathroom after breakfast, wash up, and change into a new pair of bikini. You're brushing your hair and tying it into a ponytail since you didn't take any of your hair products with you.
Hyunjin lifts you by the waist and sits you down on top of the sink, deciding to seduce you at the last minute, kissing you all over your chest and neck. Moans are spilling out of your parted mouth as he drags his full lips along your collarbone, then kisses the base of your throat.
He cages you between his arms and slightly bends down to be on the same eye level as you. The way he looks at you fondly yet intensely gets your heart flips and your belly turning at the same time. You keep your hands on his chest just in case he tries to do something.
However, you're not sure you can restrain yourself too when he looks this good with his hair slightly tousled and his lips are merely inches away from yours.
He then leans in, bringing his mouth to the side of your head, "I can put it in for a bit," he seductively whispers with his breath tickling your ear.
If you were anywhere than here, you would have crumbled in front of him in a second. Thankfully, you remember the task at hand and immediately push him away.
"Come on, we have to go!"
-
YOU: [Chuckles] It's kind of hard to resist him because I'm really, really attracted to Hyunjin.
-
The two of you going to the bedroom since everyone else is still there, probably waiting in anticipation whether we win that $90,000 back or not.
"What are we going to say to them?" Hyunjin asks.
"The prize fund is zero so I guess there's no money to lose here," You jokingly answer.
Hyunjin pushes the door of the bedroom and lets you in first. You see that everyone is still sitting on their beds and the chatter abruptly stops when they see you enter the room.
You both keep your facial expression calm and plain as you take a seat on the bench sofa in the middle of the room with Lana sitting prettily on the table at the end of the sofa.
Hyunjin looks at everyone and then at you, "Do you want to start?"
Well, you haven't thought of what you want to say but everyone is looking at you in anticipation and waiting for you to say something.
You open your mouth to speak but the cone gets ahead of you, Lana chimes and lights up.
"Last night, you both faced the ultimate test," Lana goes straight into business.
"If Hyunjin could put what he learned into practice, and as a couple you could refrain from breaking any retreat rules, the prize fund will be increased from $0 to $90,000."
You keep looking at the cone as she speaks and at times, glancing at Hyunjin.
"However, what I did not see was that your partner would be the problem."
Lana doesn't have to expose you like that, you were just having a little fun last night. You dramatically roll your eyes at the cone then look away.
"Even though she was successful in sexually arousing Hyunjin, he was able to dig deep, hold firm, and respect the rules of my retreat."
The most important part of it all is that you did not break the rules but okay, you'll let it slide because Lana is going to give back that $90,000.
"Which means the prize fund now stands at $90,000," Lana announces.
"Oh, yeah!" Diego triumphantly shouts and punches the air at the same time.
Andy is loudly whistling in reaction while everyone else is applauding the two of you for successfully paying your debts.
"Proud of you, guys," Edie cheerily says with a big smile on her small face.
"This is what you called growth," Remy says with two thumbs up.
It does pay to be good and you're happy that you don't owe anyone anything now. You can't say that it was easy to pass the test but you're proud of yourself for not acting selfishly and proving that you both have grown personally and as a couple.
"As a reward for showing restraint and putting the interests of the group above your own, I'm sending you on a date this afternoon," Lana adds.
Hearing that gets you to jump up and crash yourself at Hyunjin, and thankfully, he catches you right on time. Instead of putting you down, he hoists you higher and gives you a spin.
"Aww, stop it! You guys are so cute," Vic says in jealousy.
-
YOU: The last few days have been so hard for both of us. We earned this date. [Squeals] Oh, I'm just so excited!
-
Hyunjin meticulously picks his outfits for the date.
He settles on a light blue shirt and dark swimming trunks, he ties his long, dark hair half up and half down, and he uses his cologne with the scent you like so much.
As he waits by the beach for you, he's organizing his thoughts and planning on the things he wants to say to you. He has a plan in mind but he hasn't figured out how to do it yet, but more importantly, how to get the best outcome.
There you are, looking so beautiful with a smile that is brighter than the sun, walking up to him and only him. He holds his hand out of you even though you're still out of his reach.
"Have you been waiting long?" You ask the second you take his hand.
"Not long enough, apparently," he jokingly replies.
A boat takes you to a small island where the staff has prepared a nice picnic, along with a basket of food and a bottle of wine.
It's such a nice date, the sun is about to set for the day and there's no one in sight, it's just you and him, enjoying each other's company.
"You look amazing," he compliments you and how you look in your floral sundress.
"Thank you, baby. So are you," you compliment back with a smile.
He still doesn't know how to start, he can't just suddenly talk his feelings out but he knows he has to consider that he has limited time to do it, this date won't last forever and if he doesn't do it now, he'd only allow himself to keep retreating.
"I'm going to be honest, it's your physical caught my attention first," he confesses.
You smile and keep your eyes on him, letting him finish his talk while holding your champagne flute close to your mouth.
"I can't even say anything bad about you. You're stunning, undeniably beautiful," he awkwardly raises his hand at you.
Your smile grows wider and brighter, flustered from his words.
"But what truly amazed me was what you have inside. You're beautiful inside and out, and I admire you for that," he sincerely tells you as he lovingly stares at your face.
He puts down his glass of wine so he can take your hand and holds it in his, he looks at you again with a facial expression that turns a little tense from a while ago.
"I learned a lot with everything we've been through," he says, his thumb lazily rubbing the back of your hand as he speaks.
"We've come a long, long way," he adds.
Realizing that the talk is getting serious, you also put your drink away and give all of your attention to him.
"Yeah," you agree with a light nod.
"And for as long as I can remember, my emotions have been so shut off. I never felt what I feel for you with anyone else, ever," he emphasizes every word to let you know how much he means it.
You tilt your head to the side without taking your eyes off of him, and a smile that never wears off even for a second.
"You've brought out a vulnerable side of me I never wanted to bring out," he admits.
You nod again to show him that you are present and listening to every word he's saying.
"You made me realize that I do have a heart and I'm willing to take whatever risks are to come," he continues.
The smile on your face wavers a bit and you ask, "Are you sure?"
He nods and confidently answers, "Yes."
His next question is the one that he dreads to ask you but he has to, he has to know what you think before he can continue with the most important of all.
He gulps air and bravely asks, "What do you think about doing long distance relationship?"
He thought asking it would be the scariest part but it's not, it's waiting for the answer.
"Well, that's going to be a big challenge," you honestly answer.
For the first time, you break your eye contact with him and add, "The thought of it is scary to me."
The answer is making him nervous and he suddenly doubts his decision to ask you the big question. He gets caught between two choices: continue his plan and risk getting rejected or abort the plan and try again next time?
Risk it or play it safe?
-
HYUNJIN: I want her to be my girlfriend but the one thing that scares me the most is the person I've fallen for lives on the other side of the world.
-
It seems like something you said displeased Hyunjin in a way, maybe you said something he doesn't want to hear and you understand if he feels that way, you just want to keep it honest with him.
Since Hyunjin has done talking, you take the turn to tell him about your feelings and more. It's impossible to put your feelings into words but you try your best at it.
But first, you close the gap between your bodies, you scoot closer to him, and put your clasped hands on your lap.
"Hyunjin," you softly call him to get his attention.
"Yes?" He sweetly replies.
"I loved meeting you and getting to know who you really are," you barely began but you're feeling emotional already, "I loved how we've fallen for each other so fast but at the same time, it was natural and nice."
He keeps his eyes on you and at times, keeps your hair tucked to your ear from the sea breeze.
"We got to talk about our lives and exchange thoughts and ideas too," you continue while trying not to break into tears in between your words.
"And the way you're always there for me, oh..." you let out a sigh with eyes closed, "it's amazing."
From what he said earlier, you get it now that he's dreading the same thing with you. Once the retreat ends, the two of you have to go back home and live far away from each other. You can't even bear losing him for those two days after he got eliminated so what makes you believe you can stand living far away from him?
It's hard but it's not about capability, it's whether you're willing or not. For him, you're willing to do anything.
"Someone a million miles away that's worth it will always be worth it," you tell him.
He looks so tense that you doubt he catches the meaning of what you said to him so you simplify it for him.
"No man I've ever met is worth it," you hold his hand tighter and continue, "Except you."
The warmth and the glow on his face return almost immediately like someone has turned up the brightness on his face.
"I've never liked someone as much as I like you and I'm willing to make it work," you remark.
Hyunjin looks relieved but you can see that he's holding something back, you sense he still has something else to say to you.
"Um..." he tucks a lock of his hair behind his ear.
You lean in close and curiously ask, "What?
He looks up and he immediately holds your eyes in an intense gaze, "I would like to go to the next step," he says.
It's like someone holds your heart and squeezes it tight, making you hold your breath without you wanting to.
"Will you be my girlfriend?" Hyunjin asks with eyes that are filled with hopeful glints.
You allow yourself to breathe to give him a confident answer, "Yes."
Hyunjin doesn't wait to put his arms around you and pull you into a hug, he buries his nose in your neck to drink in your natural scent that gives him a sense of comfort.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes..." you repeatedly say as you hug him back.
Without looking, you can hear him smiling close to your ear and you don't expect him to say those three words right into your ear.
"I love you."
You immediately pull away from his hug and look at him, "Me too," you whine.
You almost cry because all this time, you thought he didn't like you as much as you do or even had the faintest idea that he would be the first and this soon to say those three words to you.
"You love me?" He asks in disbelief.
"I've been holding myself back from telling you that 'cause I'm not sure if you feel the same so I waited for you to say it first," you can't hold it much longer, you let your emotions out and your eyes instantly get teary.
"Oh, baby," he coos, pulling you into a hug again. He holds your face with both hands and places a chaste kiss on your forehead, long and lingering, making your heart overflow with warm feelings.
"Say it again to me, please?" He sweetly begs.
"I love you," you softly mutter.
You thought saying it would lessen the ache in your heart but it's the opposite, your heart still aches every time you say it because it's real and it's true, and the pain is the proof of it.
There's that melodic chime and you look around to see where it comes from, not realizing that it's both of your watches turn green.
Hyunjin doesn't waste another second but bring your head close and slightly tilts your head upward. He flashes you a smile before leaning in and placing his soft lips on yours. You close your eyes to heighten the other senses so you can taste him more and feel him better.
The kiss itself is rewarding and exceptional, you feel like kissing him for the first time all over again.
He stops and pulls away for a second to ask, "Is it still green?"
You glance down at your wrist and nod, "Uh-huh, it's still green."
Hyunjin dives in for another kiss, putting his hand on the nape of your neck and deepening the kiss rather too passionately, sending you both to fall onto the picnic mat.
-
YOU: We've still got a lot to learn and there's going to be plenty more challenges for us out there but if he's by my side, I don't think anything can go wrong.
-
Some people are hanging out in the firepit, catching the two of you walking hand-in-hand, returning from the date. They are hooting at the sight of you and you can't help but smile, well, you've been smiling non-stop since Hyunjin asked you to be his girlfriend.
"Look at you, guys! Smiling ear to ear!" Saskia teases you with a pat on your butt.
You both sit on the smaller sofa facing everyone, "I know you won't believe it but we got a green light," you brag with a grin.
"Oh!" Saskia coos with her hands covering her mouth.
"Go on, spill!" Emilie demands the details from you.
"It was a beautiful date. We went to this beautiful small island, just the two of us," you make it succinct for all of them.
"And we're official now," Hyunjin adds with her arm around your shoulder.
"Man, you have a girlfriend now!" Andy proudly says, coming at him for an aggressive hug.
"Aww, I'm so happy for you guys," Emilie mutters with an envious smile.
The happy moment has to end with Lana assembling everyone in the cabana. You both successfully gained back $90,000 in the prize fund so you don't have to worry about the money anymore. Then again, you never know what's coming, all you know is she always makes you worry in this retreat.
The cone chimes and at this point, you give up on trying to guess what kind of news she's going to announce this time.
"Hello, everyone."
"Hi, Lana!" Everyone replies
"How do you feel knowing the retreat is almost over?" She asks.
"I'm happy we learned a lot," Andy answers.
"Yeah. Exactly," Saskia agrees with him.
"Sad that it'll be over soon," Edie says with a pout.
"Can we stay a little longer?" Saskia jokingly asks.
"As this is your last night in the retreat, I've prepared a special Cinelana with your best moments in the retreat," she announces.
All is cheering in response to this delightful surprise from Lana but Edouard isn't that delighted to hear it.
"Another Cinelana?" He asks with a weird look on his face, "I heard the last one wasn't very good."
While Andy is rubbing his hands together in excitement, "It's going to be awesome."
"Fuck. Everyone is going to cry," Frida says, already fanning her eyes in case it waters.
The TV lights up with the screen showing the word 'Cinelana' and then a video plays, a compilation of moments from the first time the group entered the retreat to the recent one where everyone had fun during the cooking workshop.
Everyone cheers whenever someone is kissing and laughs whenever it shows the goofy things people did, and for you, your heart bursts whenever you and Hyunjin appear on the screen, getting all sorts of emotions as you're watching it.
Edie puts her arm around you and holds you close as the video keeps playing, she's getting emotional as well the more she watches.
When the video ends, everyone takes a moment to compose themselves before applauding. Looking back at it, you can see that you have grown a lot as a person and you find yourself getting emotional by it, you carefully wipe the corners of your eyes and try not to ruin your makeup.
"Damn. I look that good on TV?" Andy playfully says.
"Play it again!" Saskia pleads with her hands raised in the air.
Lana chimes again and starts talking, "After reviewing your steps here at the retreat, I can see that you've changed a lot since you arrived here. Anything you'd like to share?"
Everyone shares their experiences in the retreat and how it changed them in a way. When it comes to your turn, you take a second to gather your thoughts and organize them into words.
"I feel like I had a lot of barriers and here, I learned to open up and really be myself," you share.
Hyunjin takes his turn next, licking his lips before speaking, "In here, I learned that the more honest you are with people, the more they become part of your life," he says with a smile and a glance at you.
It's only hitting you now that the retreat is going to end soon and you feel emotional all over again. Everything that you went through here, shaped you into who you are today and for that, you're grateful for this experience.
After all, everyone is really happy to know that we did our best and everything worked out in the end.
-
YOU: I'm having mixed feelings, you know? I miss everything that has happened here. It was really like a movie, it went by so fast.
-
The lights are on too early or that's what you thought. You stay lying on your stomach and dive back into your pillow, refusing to wake up.
Not long after, Hyunjin sneaks his hand under and rests it on the arch of your back. He lands gentle caresses on your back and softly murmurs, "Wake up, baby."
"Mmh," you hum in response to let him know that you're awake.
Dissatisfied with your answer, he hovers above you and slowly puts most of his weight on you.
"Wake up," he says again with a slobbering kiss on your bare shoulder.
"I'm awake," you croak with your eyes closed.
He gently removes the hair covering your face to place a kiss on your cheek, "Still sleepy, mmh?"
You lift your head from the pillow and nod with your eyes still shut.
"Cute," he comments and places another kiss on your cheek.
He lets you sleep more as he cuddles you in his arms, playing with your hair while chatting with Andy on the next bed.
A while later, the cone chimes for her usual morning greeting.
"Good morning, everyone."
"Morning, Lana!" Diego is the loudest to reply to her greeting.
"Welcome to the last day of the retreat."
It's kind of hard to believe that you're close to the end line and when you look back at it, it feels so short compared to the thought you had when you started it.
"I'll be announcing who the finalists are shortly," Lana announces.
Hoping to win the money too would be too much to ask, you already feel incredibly lucky that Lana decided to give Hyunjin another chance and make it possible for you to finish the retreat together with him.
"This is the last day! Let's make it count!" Edie cheerfully shouts to the room.
Hyunjin cups your cheek and looks at you, "Want to swim together?"
"Okay," you mumble.
"Okay?"
"Okay," you repeat with a chuckle.
You head straight to the bathroom to wash up and change into a swimsuit before joining Hyunjin in the swimming pool.
The morning sun heats the pool water, making it lukewarm and comfortable for you to dip your feet in. You sit and watch Hyunjin skillfully swimming in a backstroke style.
As he waddles his way to you, you hold your arms out at him, "Take me for a ride, baby!"
He brushes his wet hair to the back before turning around, offering his back at you, and lets you hop on it. You put your arms around his neck for support as he takes you for a swim around the pool.
"So, what's our plan?" You surprise him with a question as the two of you stand on the side of the pool.
"Uhm..." he takes a second to wipe the beads of water on his face, "You're coming home with me, that's for sure."
You prop a hand under your chin and slyly smile at him, "And?"
This time, he wipes the beads of water hanging under his chin, "You want to know?"
"Uh-huh," you eagerly nod.
"Come closer and I'll tell you," he says with his fingers gesturing you to come close.
You obey and lean closer, he leans in as well but his mouth gets way too close to your ear and when you think he's about to whisper something, he kisses your neck instead.
He keeps you close with his arm tightly wrapped around your waist and instead of trying to fight it, you cave in and hold him back.
It's a moment like this that makes you wish things remain the same once you get outside of this retreat.
-
YOU: I'll miss waking up next to him and just being with him all the time [sadly smiles]
-
A little after lunch, Lana gathered everyone for the finalist's announcement. They may seem calm but you believe, they anticipate the news on whether they have the chance to win the money or not.
Lana comes online and after all these times, that melodic chime makes you nervous still.
"Oh, I'm not going to miss that sound," you groan.
Hyunjin smiles and rubs his hand up and down your arm to comfort you.
"Hello, everyone," Lana greets.
"Hello, Lana!" Everyone enthusiastically replies which is very unusual.
"I've been collecting data since you arrived and have now conducted my final analysis," She informs.
You have accepted the fact that your chance to be a finalist is slim, close to zero so you don't anticipate the announcement as much as everyone else.
"As you are aware, there was a prize fund of $200,000 allocated to aid your development. Now, the prize fund stands at $90,000."
"That's a lot of money," Diego says even though more than half of the total prize money has gone.
"There are three places at the final," Lana reveals.
You see everyone is glancing at each other and probably, calculating their chances in their heads as they keep following Lana's further explanation.
"Following my rules alone isn't enough to win. The finalists are those who have shown the most personal growth during their time at the retreat."
-
YOU: Will I win the money? Probably not. But would I like to win the money? Yes, I'd love to.
-
Hyunjin doesn't hope much about winning the money, he's happy just to gain that money back for everyone to win in the first place.
"The first finalist is..."
He also believes that Lana will make the right choices so whoever gets chosen, deserves it.
"Vic and Edouard, I nominate you as a couple," Lana announces.
Vic and Edouard take a stand and hug each other, looking utterly happy to be one of the three finalists. As a couple, they blossomed from all the hardships they went through together and that makes them deserve a spot in the final three.
"The second finalist is..." Lana continues with the announcement.
Hyunjin sees that you don't seem that hopeful to be called as a finalist as well but not disappointed either. The most important thing of all is you got each other and that's enough.
"...Edie."
A round of applause is aimed toward Edie who gladly stands up to take the second finalist spot, smiling as Lana explains the reason why she chose her to be a finalist.
"The third and last finalist is..."
His guess is either Frida or Andy because they both have shown so much growth in the retreat and they've been avid followers of Lana's principles.
"...Hyunjin."
It takes him a minute to register that Lana called his name, well, his guess is off-mark because he didn't expect that he'll be a finalist, or even considered to be one.
You keep yanking his arm, urging him to stand up as Lana instructed. He quickly gets ahold of himself and gets up from the sofa as everyone looks at him with pride.
"Hyunjin, although you connected with your partner from the start, you struggled to change your player ways, putting your sexual desires first and breaking numerous rules that I have to take drastic changes."
You quietly hold his hand behind him and stare up at him with a proud smile on your face, shaking it in excitement.
"But when I gave you a second chance, you embraced the opportunity to grow and found the importance of emotional intimacy."
-
HYUNJIN: I'm just happy to be considered that I am worthy enough, really.
-
It's a privilege to see him grow, he's changed so much from the person you met on the first day of the retreat to the man you're looking at now.
As someone who takes a small part in his transformative journey, you're more than happy to see his growth being acknowledged and standing as one of the finalists.
"Hyunjin, Edie, or Vic and Edouard will walk away with $90,000 and the decision will be made by the remaining guests."
At the end of the day, it's up to us to choose who actually wins because we are there every step of the way and being with each other all the time. You can only hope that everyone is making the right decision.
"Will the shortlisted guests please leave the cabana while the voting takes place?"
You get up to give Hyunjin a quick hug before he leaves with the other finalists.
"See you later," he mutters to you with a peck on your cheek.
"Mmh. See you later," you say with a smile.
Edie waves her hands and blows kisses at everyone before turning around to leave the cabana.
"I've been with them since day one. I've seen their journey so much and it's hard because how can you compare them?" Andy says, torn in between three choices.
"It's a question of decision which one you think deserves it most," Saskia suggests.
-
YOU: Hyunjin may have broken the most rules in the retreat but I've seen him learn and grow from those mistakes so my vote goes to him.
-
The dressing room is crowded and full of chatters, everyone is busy getting ready for the last party in the villa.
You put on the white dress you've been saving for which fits the theme 'White Party'. For the hair, you get help from Vic, curling them into loose, soft waves while you're doing your makeup.
This is what you're going to miss the most, everyone is in one room and interacting, there is laughter and smiles, and all sorts of energy converge in this one room.
Since the finalists have to wait in the dressing room, you make time to have a few words with Hyunjin and come up to him for a hug.
"I'm so proud of you," you mutter low enough only for him to hear and ignore that there are other people in the room.
He doesn't even try to stop you but stays still as you place little kisses and leave faint lipstick marks all over his face.
"So, so proud," you say again while tightening your arms around him.
He carefully pats your hand without ruining your hair and then kisses the top of your head.
"We're going to win that money," he jokingly says with a sly smile.
There's a possibility that he'd win but you don't want to put on a high hope. You decide to laugh it off but secretly wish that it'll come true in your head.
"You'd better. Flight tickets aren't cheap," you joke back.
With another kiss on his cheek, you leave the dressing room and catch Frida checking herself out in the bathroom. You decide to join her to check your appearance one more time.
"Look at us!" Frida says, putting her arm on your shoulder, "We became new women."
You smile as you look at both of your reflections in the mirror, and you like the person that you're seeing, she's confident, she's emotionally available, and ready for the world.
-
YOU: I came in a player and now I'm leaving with my head high and a smile on my face. I just need Hyunjin to win that money [laughs]
-
You and Frida are the last ones to join everyone by the pool where the last party is held. Frida notices that everyone is already holding a drink in their hands.
"Is that Prosecco?" She asks.
Frida squeals even though no one is answering her, she quickly grabs two glasses for her and you with Diego filling them for both of you.
"Let's have a toast for Lana," Andy shouts.
Everyone raises their glasses in the air and waits for the cue to drink it.
"And cheers to our long, hard, sexless summer," Edie adds.
Not long after, the finalists join the party with a dramatic entrance. The moment you had with Hyunjin earlier was so brief that you didn't pay attention to his outfit.
Silk shirts seem tacky to most people but Hyunjin is not most people, he looks damn good in it. It's one of those moments that makes you wonder if he really is your boyfriend. Heck! You even forgot that he's your boyfriend.
"You look amazing," you whisper into his ear.
"Thank you," he shyly says, blushing.
For the first time, everyone is happy for Lana to interrupt the party, mostly because they can't wait to find out who's going to take home the money.
"Good evening, everyone."
It may be going to be the last time you hear that melodic chime and God, let it be the last time.
"During your time at my retreat, you have broken my rules 20 times," Lana announces.
You almost choke on your wine hearing that, feeling guilty for contributing to half of those rule breaks.
"Goddamn!" Remy exclaims with eyes widening in slight shock.
"Throughout your stay, I've observed people commit to the process and ultimately make a significant change," Lana continues.
Edie cups her hands around her mouth and loudly says, "You did a good job, Lana!"
Everyone feels the need to give Lana a round of applause because all the credit goes to that cone-shaped cockblocker.
"The time has come to announce the winner."
This is where things get tense and you feel nervous for Hyunjin no matter how much you convince yourself that he doesn't need to win that money, he doesn't need to win anything at all.
"Finalists, please stand up!" Lana orders.
Hyunjin looks at you and you hurriedly give him a sweet kiss on the cheek.
"You got this, baby," you mutter with a smile as he gets up to hear the winner's announcement.
-
HYUNJIN: We've all been going through so many emotions and pushing ourselves to be better.
YOU: So happy that we've been able to share this experience with everyone here [smiles]
-
"The votes have been counted and only one finalist can check out with a $90,000 prize."
Hyunjin still can't believe that he's standing as one of the finalists and possibly, wins the money. It's a little funny though, remembering he went through a lot to get that money back.
"The person in third place is..."
It would be funnier if he won that money too, right? But he should remain humble, the other two are as deserving as him to win it if not more.
"...Edie."
Instead of looking disappointed, Edie keeps on smiling, she blows kisses to everyone, including him, Vic, and Edouard. Hyunjin smiles back at her, giving her a round of applause for winning third place.
Then it hits him that he's on the top two and it feels real with you holding his hand so tightly behind him.
"The winner who will be leaving with $90,000 is..."
He can feel you hold his hand tighter and tighter in each passing second his knuckles turn white.
"...Vic and Edouard."
-
YOU: We may have not won but I still win because I have the best man here.
HYUNJIN: Money is easy to make, but love is hard to find [smiles]
YOU: [looks at Hyunjin] Well said, baby.
-
Even though you didn't hear the name you wanted to hear, it doesn't stop you from celebrating. You even come to give them a hug to congratulate them on their win.
"Congrats, Vic!" You sincerely say to her as you tightly hug her.
Looking at her crying in happy tears gets you emotional as well, your eyes start to water, feeling tremendously happy for both of them and for everyone too.
To fully celebrate the moment, Edouard pops open a bottle of champagne and sprays it at everyone. You're lucky that Hyunjin immediately shields you from getting wine all over your dress.
After Edouard and Vic take a big, triumphant sip of wine, Lana comes with one, last announcement:
"My retreat is officially over. The rules no longer apply."
The way you and Hyunjin immediately look at each other and waste no time to crash your lips together that your teeth almost collide.
The kiss is momentous, making it a special memory that you'll cherish for life. Dare you say, like a movie.
"Pool party!" Andy spontaneously shouts into the night as he runs and jumps into the pool fully clothed.
Everyone laughs at the idea but a moment later, following suit, jumping into the pool with their clothes still on. Hyunjin looks at you to see if you think of the same thing as him. You nod in signal and take his hand, walking with him to the edge of the pool to finally jump into the swimming pool together.
He emerges out of the water first and hurriedly pulls you out, he puts your arms around him as support.
He suddenly gets the urge to utter his feelings and goes with it, "I love you."
You put your forehead against him and smile, "You know I love you too."
Out of happiness, Hyunjin lifts you up and quickly brings you down once he notices that your wet dress is stuck to your body and exposes everything, and a crazy idea crosses his head at that moment.
"What?" You ask in confusion.
He leans into your ear and says, "Want to check the suite for one last time?"
You gently hit his chest in reaction and break into laughter, and he thinks he should be taking it as it is, a crazy idea and nothing more.
You look around before looking back at him and say, "We should go now before anyone notices."
And this is why he likes you, you're shy but bold at times, a bit crazy but that's how he likes it. But the best thing of all, you are his.
-
YOU: Any final words of wisdom, babe?
HYUNJIN: It was an amazing journey with a perfect ending [smiles]
YOU: [nods] Yes.
HYUNJIN: But if I have to be honest, I just want to take her home now so we can f—
-
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your-averagewriter · 3 days
Text
Lipstick kisses.
Summary: At the wrap party, Cooper and (y/n) get closer and closer before (y/n) leaves him with some lipstick marks as a reminder and a promise for later (pre apocalypse!Cooper Howard x fem!reader).
Word count: 1.4K
Warnings: kissing, sexual references
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“Right here in the vaults is where you can live, so get your spot now before they run out and you can be as happy as us.” I say, looking into the camera, wearing a Vault-Tec suit that is molded to my body. Cooper’s arm is wrapped around my waist as we wear matching smiles, playing husband and wife for one of the new ads. They’re cheesy but they pay well and afford me a spot in one of the vaults which I wouldn’t be able to pay for myself.
“She’s right.” He places a well-planned kiss on my cheek. “It’s as easy as pie.” Cooper says, winking and dipping his finger in the apple pie they left for the shoot. “These walls allow us to stay safe and live the all-American lifestyle, they keep out the radiation and the Reds.” He says into the camera and it finishes filming.
“That’s a wrap.” Someone from behind the camera says.
“Great, are we done then?” I ask and everyone disperses, including Cooper and me.
“Wrap party.” Someone pats me on the shoulder, I turn around and it’s Cooper.
“Wrap party? We’ve only filmed a few ads, it’s not like we filmed a movie.”
“Damn feels like it sometimes with all the takes.” I chuckle.
“So where’s the party?”
“My house starts at 8:00, most people won’t turn up until past 8:30 - you know how parties go.”
“Well, I’ll see you later then.” I say with a small smile before walking away to get into my usual clothes and head home before going to Coop’s party.
Getting home, I lay out my outfit, picking out a long red dress that is form-fitting and pack a little black handbag with my matching lipstick, a box of cigarettes, a lighter, keys and phone. Double-checking my makeup in the mirror, I slip on my heels before leaving and driving to Cooper’s house.
There’s a crash on one of the roads so the traffic is awful as I try to get to the wrap party but I end up getting there quite a bit later than expected - definitely past 8:30. Finally I pull up, having to park down the hill a little due to all the good car spaces already being taken.
It’s a short walk to get to his house, when I go to knock on the door, it’s already open and I can hear the music vibrating throughout the house. 
I navigate my way through the people, talking to some as they greet me - being one of the main actors in the advertiser means my name is plastered on the billboards. I find the kitchen easily despite the people crowding it and pour myself a drink in the tacky red cups.
I busy myself with the drink, trying to ignore the eyes on my figure, noticing that I didn’t understand the dress code, ending up in a much fancier outfit than anyone else. Tiring of the loud noise and not seeing anyone I truly knew, I head outside, walking over to one of the benches, facing away from the building and towards the pool and pulling out my cigarette pack and lighter. I place a cigarette in between my lips and try to light it but my lighter doesn’t work. 
I flick the lighter again and again.
“Hey darlin’, need some help?” I turn around to face Cooper with his lighter in hand. Looking up at him, he lights the cigarette for me.
“Thanks.” He sits down on the bench next to me.
“Not enjoying the party, sweetheart?”
“I don’t really know anyone here. They’re all on the business side of things and they seem to know me, it freaks me out.” I chuckle, taking a drag from the cigarette.
“Well, at least you look the part.” He grins. “You look stunnin’.”
“Thank you, I feel like I stick out.”
“You always stick out ‘cause you’re so pretty.”
“Not what I meant.” I chuckle as he takes the cigarette from my hand, lingering a second longer, his eyes on mine before lifting it up to his mouth and taking a long drag.
“Oh, I know exactly what you meant and I still think it’s a good thing. Don’t know how I didn’t see you sooner with this little get-up.”
I look him up and down, looking at the suit he’s wearing. “Since when did you wear suits?” I take another hit.
“Since I got a reputation.”
“I like you better with your cowboy attire.” I show a slightly dopey smile, maybe slightly influenced by the drinks I had earlier…
“Me too, darlin’, me too.” He laughs, taking a sip of a glass of whiskey he brought out with him. “I’ll wear the cowboy hat for you next time. Maybe we could have a party for two, dinner maybe.”
“Are you asking me out for dinner?”
“I’m asking you in for dinner. I make a mean spaghetti bolognese.” He wears a small grin on his face. “So what do you say?”
“That sounds nice. I like pasta. And you, of course.” I say, turning to properly face him, blowing a ring of smoke towards him with a smile
“Well, that’s good because I like you quite a bit.” He leans forward slightly, matching my smile, and moving forward slightly.
“Cooper, (y/n)! I hope I’m not interrupting.” Sebastian walks over, sitting down on the bench opposite the both of us.
“‘Course not.” I say, quickly pulling away with a slightly flustered look.
“You were interrupting actually, Sebastian. I was just about to kiss this pretty lady.” Both the men laugh while I sit there looking mildly embarrassed.
“Well then, I’ll be on my way. Hopefully I’ll see you later on, if you two don’t get too carried away that is.” He jokes, laughing.
“So embarrassing.” I mumble, head in hands once Sebastian leaves.
“I was just being honest, sweetheart. Now, where were we?” I look back up at him.
He pushes his lips against mine gently as I reciprocate, matching the delicate nature - almost as if he thinks I'll break. After a few seconds I pull away and can't help but chuckle as I look at his face.
“What? What is it?” He asks with a small grin.
“Nothing.” I decide not to tell him about the lipstick smudged on his lips. “Sorry.” I chuckle.
“C’mere, you.” He says, arm around my waist to pull me closer to him, a smirk on his face before he presses his lips against mine again.
I wrap my arms around his neck, resting them as we pull each other closer. I pull back to press a few kisses to his jaw, relishing the little lipstick kisses that are left behind.
“You're a little minx, you are.” He mumbles, I smile softly against his skin, continuing before making my way back to his lips.
I feel one of his hands travel up my thigh, his rough hands against the smooth skin exposed by the slit in my dress. He caresses the skin gently, rubbing little circles.
I play with his hair, my arms still resting over his shoulders gives me access to the back of his head also allowing me to pull him closer.
I feel his fingers reach under the slit of my dress and I pull back to reach for the hand with a conflicted smile.
“Cooper.” I say almost like a warning. “We're at your party and in your garden.”
“I don't mind.” He shrugs with a dopey smile.
“I mind.” I say, “Besides, people will be looking for you.” I stand up, holding his hand and leading him to stand as well. “C’mon.”
“Fine.” He huffs, worried he's missing out as he walks back into his house.
I lean over until my mouth is just by his ear.
“Y'know, if you wanted I could stay back a little later?” I whisper but it’s barely a question as I already know the answer, pulling back with a teasing smile before walking away again, leaving him with the lipstick marks as I find a bathroom to reapply my lipstick with a knowing smile.
Re-joining the party, I try to socialise with some other people but I make sure to keep an eye on Cooper talking to people trying to hide their hushed chuckles. Finally, I watch someone break the news to him as he walks over to one of the mirrors in his house, turning his face to examine the damage before he looks over at him. I send a small smile, feigning innocence as he shakes his head.
“Little minx.” He mumbles with a small grin.
-
AN: I hope you enjoyed reading!
I'm actually in love with Cooper, I swear (Ghoul form and not)
If you want a part two to this fic then let me know (I don't write smut though)!
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what-even-is-thiss · 3 days
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hi! i just saw your post about your struggle with addiction, and it really resonated with me i guess, and i hope youre doing better now. ive been struggling a lot with being,,, lets call it ‘reasonable’ about my weed consumption and im feeling so overwhelmed trying to slow down with it and so ashamed that im even struggling with this in the first place, do you have any advice from when you first realized you had an addiction and like how you went about dealing with it?
im just really scared to ask my friends and family (outside of tumblr) for help because i worry that itll change how they think of me, or that theyll start treating me differently or something, especially because my parents are the ones who keep enabling this.
if youre not up to giving advice about this sort of thing i completely understand, and obviously our experiences and vices are very different, anyway sorry this is so rambly, and i hope you have a lovely week :)
An addiction counselor or a therapist might be better than me but I’ll try.
What has worked for me in the past with some things is removing the thing from my life completely and then later when I’m better seeing if there’s a healthy smaller way I can bring it back into my life.
Sometimes there isn’t. When it comes to opioids for example I can’t have those even once or my addiction immediately reactivates. Like with me it’s so fast. I become dependent on them immediately. Same with self harm. Hurting myself leads to my brain immediately wanting more of it to get rid of my emotions and it’s bad for my health so i just need to not do that.
When it comes to gambling and mobile games however I’ve been able to find a happy medium with that. I have maybe two mobile games I play that I don’t spend money on and I play more one time purchase games now without micro transactions. With gambling I put a hard limit on myself at 20 bucks a month and for the most part I’ve been able to stick to that.
Also I know that if I drink alcohol more than twice a week I’ll become addicted to it because I can feel it happening. So I just don’t drink more than once or twice a week.
You don’t have to go cold turkey. That doesn’t work for everyone. You might carefully measure out a ration for yourself for the month or week. You might not even have to give it up entirely. Or maybe you might.
I’ve found that talking it out with people in your life you trust can be helpful. The hardest additions to beat for me have been the ones I’ve never told anyone about. And part of the reason I’ve never become alcoholic is because I’ve told my friends and family about my problem and if I have more than three drinks at a party they know to tell me to cut it out.
I’ve found in general that people are more understanding than you think they’ll be. And if they aren’t then find someone who is. Even if they have to be a therapist or something.
I think the worst thing you can do when trying to beat an addiction or if you know you have an addictive personality is to isolate yourself. If you’re alone then it’s just you and your thoughts and your thoughts are what got you into this in the first place.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you find quitting hard. Addiction is hard. It messes with the pathways in your brain. It’s okay if it takes a while. Just keep trying.
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exitwound · 2 days
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do you have any advice for people who are scared of confronting life and reality
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from telephone by percival everett: “You kill yourself because you don’t live in this world.”
i’m sorry to open with the bluntness of this passage— it is the opposite of an imperative but a proposed explanation—also I included the context but don’t take the context too seriously I think the line is better left on its own. all of that said: since it’s such a brutal way to answer an ask seeking advice on something i think needs to be done with like truly extraordinarily levels of tenderness and forgiveness for the self, at least if i’m understanding what you’re asking about—then I think this excerpt is worth including here bc although it doesn’t answer your question it does show what the stakes can be i think. It also really resonates with me because when Im suicidal it’s usually because I think I can’t live in this world. The concept that it’s not that i can’t and just that the nature of being suicidal makes me feel and act as if i’m not a part of this world was really beautiful to me. Im not saying mental illness etc is a choice but that life and reality is accessible to everyone. even if yours looks and feels different. it’s still yours.
i think that you have to confront life and reality because there is no reality if you don’t confront it and less real life for you. The worst part is thinking about the past in which you did not confront it but you don’t need to do and it is only another deterrent to the confrontation… You absolutely don’t need to regret anything to change and i know it’s so hard to figure out how to feel the urgency of your need to confront things enough to confront them without getting stuck in the pain of having not confronted them yet but tbh It just takes practice and all of the kindness you can find for yourself and then even more.Ans time and continued effort. but mostly kindness for yourself. thinking about why you want to confront your life—not bc you want to, plainly, but because you want yourself to be able to live well.—>Because you don’t want more suffering for yourself because you have love and compassion for yourself. it’s this kind of logic at least that has helped me a lot.
i also think everything that you are and everything that you give wants to find its way back to you and love you but if you are hiding from the world you live in it can’t find you very well!! i think it’s about trying to make yourself visible to yourself and then learning how to look without hatred or pain or regret. Also there’s beauty in reality because reality is true it’s not sinister it just is. and you will find all that beauty. also reality and life misses you. you’re good for it and for the world. It wants you in it and it wants you to know it and love it because it loves you. and your continued existence in the world makes the world feel loved. This is why we care about things
I hope this helped at all much much love
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ganondoodle · 2 days
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sorry i keep coming back to totk rants, but something that utterly baffles me from a game design perspective especially is
who, in their right mind, would think to put similar objectives with the same characters in the EXACT same place as its previous game when already reusing the same exact map (no, single rocks springkled around isnt a meaningful change, fight me)
like from a purely logical point of view its just ... not logical?? and TWICE so when most players will have played the previous game, so now that the exploration, which was the main driving point of it, isnt as satisfying simply bc you know most locations and what is what, the thing you need to do is subvert it as in you go to that location and theres something else now or something that leads to a new reveal, but not NOTHING either, bc you likely cared about what youd find- the satori mountain was such a cool mysterious place, so now you head to it to see what is now and its nothing but maybe an obvious treasure chest? thats both lazy (i realy use that since its way overused by people missusing it) and just ... it might be meant as a lil nod so that there isnt nothing at all but to me it feels even more condescending as if there were literally nothing instead
satori isnt here anymore? thats weird if its always been there, so you go find a cause, maybe theres a fissure somewhere you can enter a large cave system, an hidden entrance to the underground that reveals there is something corrupting the place somwhere nearby but not exactly in the same spot- make it into a bossfight at which end satori gets cleansed- maybe it got captured and taken somewhere else, to a place that was kinda neat but didint serve a big fucntion in botw like maybe it was dragged somwhere into the big tabantha canyon, or to the forgotten temple
you try to visit rito village but the snow and cold there got so bad that you cant even reach it without special gear, and when you do reach it its utterly frozen in thick ice and not a single soul is there, the perch of vah medoh is knocked over building a bridge as a subtle hint as to in what direction perhaps, its intriguing bc clearly they have to be SOMEWHERE, maybe they tried to use vah medoh to evacuate but bc its losing power and doesnt have a skilled pilot they crash land it into the mountains, now trapped there and due to the storm not able to send anyone out to get help, maybe some did but they didnt make it and you can find them on your way and rescue them, and bc of the storm being so bad no one can get out and no one can get in (except for our special boi linky ofc) and even after the storm has weakened they dont immediately go back and act like everythings normal, maybe theres an extra mission afterwards helping them rebuild the village but not exactly the same as it was but fortified, different to account for things like this happening again, establishing the crashsite of vah medoh as a second outpost, or a temple, to thank it for bringing them out of immedaite danger but couldnt go all the way
theres so many places that are so clearly modeled around botw that are entirely unused now bc they had to remove all things shiekah for no reason, the holes they left jsut being holes where somethings clearly missing or some chest with a gem in it while the new shrine thing is within view distance a few meters away, might as well have put them in the exact same place bc it really doesnt make a difference
(like alot of those ideas im using for the rewrite which changes many things but you get the point right??)
and its even worse imo with the building stuff, bc now you dont even have to journey there you can fly glide and literally drive there instantly like a giant skip button so you cant even appreaciate the way to it, you skip to one important part to the next
and then points of interest are REPEATED AGAIN, like with shrines and lightroots and settlements and big mines- that is the opposite of satisfying gameplay, you dont have to explore shit bc its all in the same place which is probably why they only did tiny changes to those few spots and nothing else bc they knew most people would run right to those so it gives the illusion of changes (which are half reversable or barely a change at all) and even those are STILL meaningless
its right up there with having even MORE grind with less substance to it than in botw, the shrines and krogs got a lil old but at least the environment, its subtle storytelling etc were something- and totk just bloated everything with more little meaningless collectables while not changing anything meaningfully (and instead pretends that some things where never there and those new boring things were always there)
more shriens with shorter puzzles or none at all, more krogs with the same reward system, over a hundred tiny caves that all blend together bc they are all so similar and you really only do them for yet another colelctable for old gear and ONE cool new one with a bad effect after which the things collected become uselessreally, souls to collect to buy you a single armor set, rewards being largley reused old stuff from botw (imo you should have a chest in your house, yes YOUR house, that got most of the standard versions of botws armor in it so you dont have to buy it all again??? but you gotta think of going home first and dont have to use it- make new versions of them alternatively so you can choose if you want the old one or new one and also LEAVE ONE AT YOUR HOUSE WITHOUT HAVING TO SELL IT SO YOUT INVENTORY ISNT AS ENDLESSLY SCROLLING AS YOUR STUPID ARROW BAR)
theres new effects from food and armor thats largely useless (like the attack when hot?? why wouldnt you you jsut combine an armor and a potion- put on hot armor and drink an attack potion? its way more efficient no?? idk i found it to be yet another effect thing to bloat my inventory especially when NPCs keep giving you shitty effect food)
the whole sonanium (zonaite?) collecting with multiple ways to convert it into yet another currency??? huh???? AND have it be the thing for you to autobuild with?? when you need it upgrade your battery which takes an insane amount of those stones?? wells, while finally an actual well are NOW ALSO LIKE A COLLECTABLE and im gonna take a wild guess that the reward is utterly disappointing too
the fairies are all blocked by much more annoying means than in botw (like i wouldnt want to carry those NPCs three meters away in their little cart antoehr time please) and the amount of material AND MONEY NOW you need is so much higher for no reason (if its their attempt to make the game harder its the lamest way to do it)-
all while instead of expanding on the foundation of botw they ripped it out to build a new one while pretending they are both there (im so so slaty about this .... a sequel like this should expand upon the stuff of the first game, both in theme, narrative, mechanics and more and not ... replace it with slightly different versions of it while abandoning everything established before and really only using it as a way to skip having to make you care about some characters bc you might still care about them from the other game)
i could go on, as always lol, anyway, i really really dont get why this got into the final game ..
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fishnapple · 1 day
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CRYSTAL READING: What should you cultivate more in yourself ?
A little explanation of the method I used for reading
Lithomancy : I assigned a meaning for each stone (each stone represents a planet) and cast them on a circle divided into 12 parts, just like an astrology chart and do the reading
Pick a stone :
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Reading for each group below :
1. Red jasper
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I see a pyramid with strong foundation.
You would need to build a shelter in yourself to stay calm amidst a hectic life.
Life may give you lots of hardship, but if you know how to stay rooted in yourself, you can weather any storms coming your way.
To do that, you need to find your authentic ideals, your own aspirations in life, without outside's interference. Like a personal compass. No matter what you do, where you go, that compass can guide you to the right direction.
But to be able to make that compass, you would need to open up to your own self.
I see that some parts of your are hidden in your own eyes. You need to see all of yourself, both light and dark, both strength and weakness, both selfish desires and selfless devotion. A dichotomy within yourself. It is the opposition that keeps you balanced.
2.Citrine
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A leaf or a boat, tenderly floating in the stream. If you could let your heart lead your life and follow the natural flow, you will see that life would be so much easier.
You will be able to see that life works in a very cyclical way. Allow yourself to unfold naturally with time. There is no need to rush.
Strangely enough, by doing that, you would appear to the world as a person holding so much inner power.
I could see that with time, you will become so much more at ease with yourself, and that will create a natural confidence.
Going with the flow of life does not mean doing nothing. It means seeing your dream and having the bravery to take concrete but harmonious steps to come closer to that dream. You would need to cultivate a lion's heart, bravely facing your hidden fears, guilts, and confusions hiding in the dark.
3.Pyrite
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There is a focus on relationships.
You have an idealistic approach to romance with lots of fantasies and confusion.
That tends to attract the type of people who are aggressive, domineering, and have a big ego. This kind of relationship would bring lots of stress and disappointment to you.
I notice that my tone for this group is more curt and to the point. Maybe that's how some people feel when they are in your energy. Your energy would bring out some shadows in people.
Sometimes, people would actually have some dark impulses toward goodness. Light would bring out shadow. I'm saying this because I see that opposite of the heavy energy people that you attract, you have a gentle and light energy.
What you should cultivate is a sense of boundary and authority for yourself.
Keep the light, but be more detached and see clearly of what you want, how you want to be treated, and how you can feel nourished in a relationship. Maybe not too focused on 1 on 1 relationship, but be more open to being a part of a community. I see that you are meant to be a soul of freedom, not chained by other's egos.
4.Rose quartz
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The energy of a mentor, a teacher.
There is something so strong yet very warm and loving about your energy.
You don't need to be actually in the teaching profession to teach. The way you express yourself, the way you live your life, the way you honour your emotions, and let your inner child shine can inspire many people. People want to learn from you.
I think that you don't need to cultivate something particular, but more like noticing things about yourself to be more aware and navigate them more easily. The strongest thing is the voice. The voice of authority. Be the voice of truth that speaks deep into people's hearts. Even sometimes, that would make people uncomfortable.
I see a playful child with a sharp tongue that speaks some acute observations about the world, but nobody feels offended. That is the special power of children. You could still retain some of that power within you.
5.Obsidian
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I immediately see the number four and the Jupiter's glyph (♃, when I actually searched the glyph again, it was a little different from the crystal's image, but I couldn't shake the association) Another thing about Jupiter is that the stone for Jupiter landed on the highest position of the chart, stands between two black obsidian stones (one was the one I chose to represent place of focus, one was this group that you chose). So the theme of Jupiter would be where you should put more focus on cultivating. Travelling, religion, and foreign cultures will bring in lots of transformation for you.
Also, if you are more open about your wish and desires, you would manifest them much easier, broadcast to the universe, and let the universe listen to you. If you feel restricted and not comfortable showing your individuality, this is the message for you to show your light to the world more. Many would appreciate that.
6.Flourite
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There is a sense of urgency in this group. The universe is sending you a very urgent message.
It is time to build your lasting legacy. There is something you're meant to create for the mass. It could be something to do with words, something verbal, creative writing, or things created by hands. Things that stir the imagination and deep emotions of the audience. Making this work will bring you sudden fortunes and blessings.
Tap into your dreams. You could get lots of inspiration or source materials from the dreams you have while sleeping or even daydreams. Don't ignore the images. When you put your attention to them, the messages will be clearer to you. Translate them into your works with dedication and steadiness and bring them to life.
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bloatedandalone04 · 3 days
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The Lucky Ones - Part 2
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➪the one where you and rick reunite after the events at the prison.
Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of blood, swearing, mentions of digging around in the undead, guns, takes place in season 5
Word Count: 3k | Part 1
Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine ♡
Judith was crying again, and no matter what Tyreese did, she didn’t seem to want to stop. “C’mon, baby girl,” he huffed, bouncing her in his arms. 
You look over from your spot on a fallen tree, your fingers tangled in Lizzie’s messy hair. It was clear that Tyreese was having a hard time calming the baby down, and while it was a bit amusing, being quiet right now was a priority. “Hey,” you call out to him. “Want me to take her?” 
“Please,”
You laugh quietly and get up, squeezing Lizzie’s shoulder before making your way over to Tyreese. “Come here, sweet girl,” you coo when you take Judith from him. “Shh, you’re okay. You’re alright.”
Tyreese huffed again as he moved to sit next to the small fire you had started, confused at how you managed to get Judith to stop crying within just a few seconds. “I don’t know how you do it,” he muttered, poking the fire with a stick. “You had kids before all this?” 
“No,” you answer, brushing Judith’s hair away from her forehead before taking the bottle from Mika. “I was a nurse. Spent a year looking after my mom before everything went to hell. She was like a kid in a way. I used to rely on her, then suddenly she relied on me. I had to feed her, bathe her, and dress her. Never thought that would’ve prepared me for something like this.”
Tyreese grunted, setting the stick aside and looking over at you. “You’re a natural,”
You smile at that, though it didn’t quite reach your eyes. You’d been one of the many people that have been taking care of Judith since she was born, but being one of the three to do it now was something else entirely. 
When the Governor tried taking control of the prison and caused what could only be described as a riot, you were left behind with Tyreese, Mika and Lizzie. The older sister actually ended up saving both you and Tyreese when you were backed into a corner, and when you tried to convince them to go find Rick, you were outvoted. You were outvoted by a couple of fucking kids. 
So you fled with them into the trees and had been walking through the forests ever since. You would give anything to be able to be with him right now, but instead you were left looking after his kid. You didn’t mind, but you just wished you knew whether he was okay and alive or not. 
Carol took your spot on the tree and began braiding Lizzie’s hair as you hummed softly to Judith. She was beginning to fall asleep in your arms, and soon enough, Carol, Lizzie and Mika were all sleeping while Tyreese took the first watch. “You want me to take her? So you can get some sleep?” 
“No, I got her,” you mumble and move to sit next to him. 
You sit in silence for a while, with Tyreese adding sticks to the fire every so often and you gently rocking Judith. Your mind drifted back to Rick and Carl and Maggie and Glenn. Were they okay? Were they alive?
The last thing you saw was Rick getting shot in the leg then everything went to shit. Guns went off and fires were started, and you lost sight of pretty much everyone besides Tyreese. You wanted to run out to Rick, to help him, but there were just too many people and too many walkers. You didn’t stand a chance. With everything in you, you were praying to anyone who might be listening that he is still alive, and that he’s looking for you.
Like how you’re looking for him. 
You stare at the fire as you trace random shapes onto Judith’s arm with your thumb, lost in your own head. “Everything happened so fast,” you murmur, catching Tyreese’s attention. “Just a few days ago we were all safe and together. Now we don’t even know if everyone’s still alive.”
“We just have to keep looking,” he said, and you knew he was trying to comfort you, but you felt hopeless right now. 
“I wanted to go back for him,” you confess. “When we were leaving. I was going to go back, but I couldn’t get to him. I couldn’t find him.”
Tyreese looked over at you in surprise. “None of us could get to him,” he assured you. “Rick is strong. He’s stronger than any of us. I know he made it out, him and Carl both.”
There was no way to be sure of that, but you appreciated his words nonetheless. “I remember when I first saw him at that store back in Atlanta. Glenn can tell you that I was in love with him the second I laid eyes on him. It felt like nothing else mattered, then he found his wife and son and I was sure nothing would happen between us.”
Tyreese let out a quiet laugh, leaning back on the log and taking off his hat. “Look at you now,” he teased. “That man is head over heels for you.”
That was true. 
Not long after you broke things off with Shane, Rick and Lori began having some issues. They split up long before she found out she was pregnant with Judith, and around her three month mark was when Rick finally allowed himself to begin something with you.
That something turned into an official relationship, and you’d been almost inseparable ever since. 
He told you to stay with Daryl and Carl when the Governor and his posse showed up, but then you got separated from both of them and wound up defending Tyreese in a different part of the prison yard. 
You smile at the memory of the first kiss you shared with Rick. Then your heart twisted a bit. You missed him so much. You missed everyone. 
“Feels like forever ago,” you whisper. “I hope they’re okay. I hope he’s okay.”
Tyreese gave your shoulder a comforting squeeze. “You’ll find each other. Right now you just need to focus on looking after his little girl and worry about the rest later,”
You knew he was right, so you gave him a tight smile and nod. 
-
“What do you think Y/n is doing right now?” Carl asked as he sat on the couch next to Rick. He dug through the stale cereal bag and gathered some in his palm, tossing them into his mouth afterwards. 
“I don’t know,” Rick answered, leaning forward on his knees as he tried to think of where to go from here. The couch was pressed against the door, a safety measure he deemed necessary since the lock had been broken off it. 
His face was sore and still a bit bruised, and the days he’s spent on this couch felt like a bit of a waste when he could be out there looking for his group. Looking for you. 
“Do you think she’s by herself?” Carl continued to ask him questions about you that Rick had no idea the answers to. He was losing hope as the days went on, though a very small part of him believed that you were out there somewhere, and that maybe you or someone else had managed to grab Judith on the way out of the prison yard. 
“I don’t know,” he answered his son’s question with a stern voice, trying to tell him to be quiet without actually saying the words. 
“Do you think she made it out?”
“I don’t know, Carl,” Rick nearly yelled, causing Carl to jump slightly. Rick lowered his voice and looked back at the floor once he saw the way Carl reacted to his outburst. “I don’t know what she’s doing, I don’t know who she’s with and I don’t know if she made it out. Just stop asking me questions that I don’t know the answers to, please.” 
Honestly, Rick couldn’t stand the thought of you not having made it out of the prison. He left you with Daryl and Carl, and now he was with Carl with no sign of you or Daryl, and he felt lost. 
Carl had told him that he and Daryl got separated, and how he saw you with Tyreese last, but that was all the information he had. He didn’t know where you went after that, and he didn’t know if you had managed to get out of the area you had been backed into. 
“I’m sure she’s fine,” Carl mumbled, setting the bag aside and leaning back against the couch. “I’m sure we’ll see her again, we just need to start looking.” 
“Yeah,” Rick agreed, spinning his wedding band around on his finger. He had no idea why he is still wearing it, him and Lori are very much done and over with and had been for a long time now, so why was he still wearing his ring? 
He looked down at the gold band, then without a second thought, he slid it off his finger and put it in his pocket, and thankfully Carl didn’t notice him doing that. He was still mourning his mom, and still getting used to you and Rick, the last thing needed was to see his dad move on completely from her. 
“Yeah,” Rick said again. “We’ll start looking for her. We’ll start looking for all of them.” 
He couldn’t lose you. He already lost so many people, and he was still recovering from watching the nicest man he had ever met get almost decapitated. He couldn’t lose you too. 
-
When Carol gestured for you to dig around inside the walker she just put down, you didn’t hesitate like you normally would. You didn’t get grossed out or feel nauseous. How could you?
Rick might be alive. 
Michonne and Carl were definitely alive, since you heard the piece of shit Terminus guy say he was going to kill them.
They’re alive. 
You blended right in, and when Carol blew up one of the tanks littered around Terminus, you and her were able to slip in amongst the walkers. Gunfire was heard all around as the large number of walkers made their way through the poorly protected walls of Terminus, and when you found yourself in a storage room, a feeling of rage took over you. 
There were countless things in there; teddy bears, weapons, jewelry, clothes, blankets, and anything else you could imagine a defenseless person would have. Carol found Daryl’s crossbow among the weapons, and you found Rick’s watch among the jewelry. These people were sick, taking things from people who were just trying to survive with what they have. 
You were livid as you and Carol slashed and shot your way through the crowds of walkers and Terminus people, and before long you were granted the one thing you’d be wishing for ever since you and Tyreese made it out of the prison. 
Rick, Daryl, Bob and Glenn let Maggie, Michonne, Carl, Sasha and three other people you had never seen before out of a train cart, then they were fleeing to the forest. 
You were frozen in shock, tears gathered along your water lines before Carol was pulling you with her as she took off after them. You were so relieved to see that mostly everyone had made it out, and that Rick, though he was a bit bloody, is okay. 
You stumbled alongside Carol as she followed the group, and when they stopped a good distance away, you could hear Rick’s deep voice as he declared that they were going back to finish the job. 
Stopping behind some bushes, you watched the group argue for a bit before Carol stepped away from the greenery and revealed herself. Almost instantly she was wrapped up in Daryl’s arms, and you watched the reunion with burning eyes as you revealed yourself as well.
Rick opened his mouth to say something to Carol, then his gaze flickered over to you and any words he was going to say died on his tongue. Your eyes glazed over again and you froze in your spot, and the last thing you heard was the relieved sigh Daryl let out as he took both you and Carol in, then you were wrapped up in Rick’s arms. 
His grip on you was the tightest it’s ever been, and you couldn’t breathe in the best way. You squeeze your eyes shut as you cling onto any part of him you can, and you couldn’t bring yourself to care that the group, as well as the three new people, were witnessing you sobbing against Rick’s chest. 
You spent days with Tyreese, Carol and the girls, and after what happened with Lizzie and Mika, you were beginning to lose the little amount of hope you had left. You were terrified that the people you called your family were dead or lost somewhere. 
But here they are. Beth was missing, and though you were scared to know what happened to her, you couldn’t deny just how happy and grateful you are that you were reunited with most of them. 
“Y/n,” Rick mumbled and you held onto him tighter. “I thought you were gone.”
It sounded like those words physically pained him to say, and you shake your head before burying your face against the side of his neck. “I’m here,” you cry, reaching up to grip his shoulder. “I’m right here.”
Rick pulled back and gently gripped your jaw, his eyes taking in your features as if he still couldn’t believe you were right there in front of him. “You got out,” he rasped, his thumb stroking your cheek with a barely-there pressure. 
You nod, tangling your hands in his damp hair. “With Tyreese, we found Carol a few days later,” you tell him then quickly add, “Well, she found us.”
Rick smiled at your words and it was the prettiest thing you’ve seen in weeks. “You got out,” he murmured, so quiet you barely heard it. 
You just nod again and push yourself upwards. Rick meets you halfway and kisses you multiple times, making you laugh against his mouth. “I got out,” you whisper and press a few kisses to his cheek and jaw, then you are wrapped up in his arms again.
Carl makes his way over to you just as Rick reluctantly lets you go and hugs Carol, and you smile down at your boyfriend’s son, who just wraps his arms around your middle and hugs you tight. “Hey, buddy,” you greet quietly, draping your arms over his shoulders as you glance back at Rick. 
“Hey,” Carl said back, looking up at you with relieved eyes and a look you’d never seen from him. “Missed you.”
Your lips part in a silent gasp, not used to hearing those kinds of words from him. You were sure he was still a bit upset that you were with his dad instead of his mom now, but were pleasantly proven wrong as he squeezed you one last time before stepping away. “I missed you,” you’re finally able to say as Rick comes back over and pulls you into his side. “And you.”
He grinned down at you and kissed the top of your head just as the red haired man speaks up, “You guys are the luckiest sons of bitches I’ve ever met,” 
You furrow your brows as Glenn laughs, wrapping his arm around Maggie’s waist. “We’re not lucky very often,”
“Yeah, well, both you and Rick here found your better halves,” the man said and adjusted the strap on his gun. “I’d say that’s pretty lucky. It’s a miracle we got out of that damn train, too.”
“That wasn’t luck,” Daryl grunted as he looked between you and Carol, and it was then when Rick clued in.
He tightened his hold on you as he asked, “That was you two, wasn’t it?”
You shrug while Carol lets out a rare, short lived laugh. “I couldn’t lose you again,” you mumble. “Not when I hadn’t even gotten you back yet.”
Rick falls silent at that, and he locks his jaw in the way that told you he’s holding back his emotions right now. He pulls you into his arms again and kisses the top of your head, muttering, “Thank you,” once he pulls away. 
“There’s something else,” Carol says, making everyone look over at her. “But I think we should show you rather than tell you.” 
And that was how you found yourself wrapped up in Glenn’s arms once Rick finally let you go after he saw that Judith was alive and being held by Tyreese. You return your best friend’s hug as you watch Rick cry quietly, taking Judith from the man who protected her with his life for as long as you’ve been separated. 
Maggie comes over to you and hugs you as well as Carl runs over to hug his sister, and the whole thing was like something straight out of a movie as you felt a warmth take over you.
You were back with your family. They were all alive. They were okay. 
The two men share a look as Rick realizes that he had Tyreese to thank for keeping Judith safe, then Sasha is hugging her brother with tears in her eyes. You pull away from Maggie as Rick hands Judith to Carl, then you are engulfed in his embrace. “Thank you,” his voice was raspy and his breathing was uneven, and you could tell he was on the verge of tears again as he held you tight. “I thought she was gone. I thought Judith was gone.”
You hugged him back, sniffling quietly. “We had to grab her quickly, we just took what we could before getting out of there,” 
Rick pulled away and kissed you, his hands reaching up to grip either side of your face. “I love you,” he mumbled, tangling his fingers in your hair as he kissed your forehead. “I love you so much. Thank you for keeping her safe, all of you.” He glances back at Carol and Tyreese, who just nod at him, then he is focused back on you. 
“I love you,” came your hushed reply, and you leaned in to rest your head against his shoulder, finally feeling safe for the first time in what felt like forever.
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appleblueberry-pie · 3 days
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I NEED MORE YANDERE e42 MILES!!!!
This is a list of things he's done without your knowledge.
"Sneaked" two thousand dollars into your savings account. Best part about this is you actually never did find out that he did this. You just thought you were finally becoming financially responsible.
Fixed your TV remote 2 times.
Bought you more boxes of ramen.
Learned to make your favorite dessert.
Drove your ex's car off of a cliff
Drove your ex's girlfriend's car off of a cliff
Got on your teacher's good side for you.
Started doing calisthenics
Became pescatarian
Stopped drinking energy drinks and instead became a tea-drinker
Donated to 5 animal shelters and volunteered to help feed the homeless(one of the short programs he joined at school)
Broke 3 ribs and repaired
Got stabbed and repaired
Illegally traded with dominating gangs in Brooklyn
Illegally helped transport medicine inside of hospitals due to dominating gangs in Brooklyn
Tried on shoes he wanted to get for you to see if they'd be comfortable, understanding that people would think he's flaming for doing so.
Tried on earrings he wanted to get for you, thinking if it looked good on him, it would definitely look good on you, understanding that people would think he's flaming for doing so.
Same thing with perfume.
Got scared of you when you interrogated him for smelling like the new perfume he just bought you.
Whispers compliments to you when you sleep on his shoulder while y'all take the train.
Screamed like a lil girl when he picked up a potted plant from a flower shop, hoping to get you a succulent, and a slug dropped from the crevice of the pottery, plopped onto his hand, heavy, cold, and slimy.
Listens to all Ariana Grande albums
Annually kidnaps all boys who he knew premeditated asking you to prom, knowing your his, and drops them off by a random lake in the dead of night. Tied up, taped mouth, lightly drugged, and confused.
Attempted to give up being tender-headed so his mama could do his hair in that cool ass pattern he knew you wouldn't be able to stop admiring. It didn't work, but the result definitely made you happy.
Bombed 2 drug major illegal drug factories. Probably one of the main reasons why the crime underworld hates him.
Sketched over 40 different ways the wedding ring he plans to give you will look.
Finished 2 big notebooks that are just full of rants and drawings of you. He's halfway through his 3rd one.
Has a pinterest board just like yours that is full of clothing and room aesthetics that you like. Plans to make most of them a reality for you.
Kicks his feet at ur messages.
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nereidprinc3ss · 2 days
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BESTIE. I was just casually thinking about your whole dybmn series and now I’m wondering, as both reader and Spencer become more confident with their spicy dynamics, what kind of lover would Spencer become with her? New k!nks, maybe?, I JUST genuinely think that Spencer is so whipped for her that he would definitely use toys and anything else, not only to experiment but to get to know and find out about all of her secret facets.
I believe she would be his “creation” like he would be so proud to see her development in her confidence in spicy times like smirking all over as she does anything to please him and he’d be like “yeah, I created that” because I’M BITING MY PILLOW RIGHT NOW and gonna dig up a hole after this to hide myself because my thoughts are so hideous. Girlie, what did you do to me? I wasn’t like this. 😩
oh let’s discuss
18+ long ass rambling and things i think about A Lot ……..
in my opinion (which is not the end all be all everyone can perceive them however they’d like) reader and spencer definitely bring out more sexually adventurous sides of each other like they just have a shit ton of chemistry and for a while ithink spencer would just be easing reader into sexuality so nothing that crazy would happen aside from the power dynamics we see pretty much from the start. i think those would definitely get stronger and occasionally more variable. im not usually into sub!spence but i think there would be times he would definitely allow reader to have more control (i don’t ever think he’d be like calling them mommy lmfao) but aside from that i could also see him veering VERY rarely in a slightly harder!dom direction. like he’ll never hurt or seriously degrade you but in p3 reader says something about liking it when he acts like they belong to him and he was really into that. as the relationship progresses i think he would almost start taking more ownership of r’s body in a way, like obviously nothing is ever nonconsensual but he just knows you so well that it’s like… well he knows you better than you know yourself sooo you let him call the shots, but at his core i think spencer is forever oriented to please. he just wants to make you feel good, that’s always gonna be his goal, so he’s always going to listen and even if the power dynamic is weighed in his favor you are actually always the one in control bc he’d do anything for u lol
in terms of kinks…. idk, i never really see spencer as a super kinky guy? like he just knows too much about paraphilia and obviously sexual violence ties into a lot of his job so i sincerely doubt he’d find giving or receiving pain arousing beyond like slapping your ass or you scratching his back or whatever. love is always at the heart of sex for him and that’s going to be the most important part, he’ll never be able to see you just as a body. he’ll always see you as the person he’s in love with and there are things he’s simply not willing to do to the person he loves.
because of his trauma he’s super duper hesitant about bondage BUT i think he wouldn’t be completely opposed to very light restraints on you or him, he’d just have to be in a specific mood. i also never see him as being someone who’s super into toys because he’s such a luddite, he can barely stand having an email i doubt he’s going to have an extensive collection of sex toys. but he would so use your vibrator on you or make you use it on yourself in front of him again if he’s in a very specific mood
oh but YES he DELIGHTS in having defiled and corrupted you. idc idc im not accepting criticism on this. like he spoils you so much that you’re used to getting him whenever you want and so you’re not very subtle about it. if you get all needy in public and start draping yourself all over him and giving him looks and pulling on his sleeve because you want to go home he’ll fuck you in rossi’s bathroom because he wants to encourage your lewd behavior.
obviously he has boundaries tho and he has respect for you and the people around him like he won’t do anything that draws attention and he’ll only ever do things he knows he can get away with without anyone else noticing
later seasons spence also LOVES when you leave marks on him he thinks it’s cute how you mark your territory and he’s not at all embarrassed if there is a hickey above his collar at work. in his mind it’s like. why would he care about other peoples opinions on his sex life when they have nothing to do with it god i think about this all the time
anyway im sorry if this was disappointing😭 idkidk, thank you for asking about my thoughts tho bc i am always down for headcanons
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entomjinx · 22 hours
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ONE PIECE CHAPTER 1113 SPOILERS!!!
It's tagged, it's in bold, if you didn't see it that's on you, but I'm sorry. (I'm also a little sick so sorry for how this starts to turn a little insane at the end.)
The reveal makes perfect sense. I've seen a few people struggle to figure out where it came from, so I'm gonna explain why it makes perfect sense and then pop off with some silly theory.
The first hint at the fact that the One Piece world is sinking exists all the way back in Long Ring Long Island.
That seems like an odd place to start, but it's the first time we're shown how drastic the tides of the ocean in the One Piece world can change. It's enough to separate entire parts of an island, causing it to appear as separate islands, once every year.
This implies that the tides change drastically over the course of much longer periods than it does in the real world.
After that, we get to Water Seven and discover that it's sinking, and that the Aqua Laguna is getting worse every year. We also know that it's caused by the water receding at Long Ring Long island. We're also outright told that they want to make the city float to stop the sinking problem.
We also, much later, see just how high Wano is in altitude.
Knowing that the Redline is so tall that it cannot be passed by any ship, cannot be broken through, and that Mariejois is sat right on top of it only adds to why it makes sense.
The world isn't "sinking," those some islands technically are(Water Seven, modeled after Venice), the tides are going to rise exponentially, and fast.
The force of the water would instantly drown most people, and those who survived would be those who could get to higher altitude islands, the sky islands, Fishman Island, or the Redline.
And because I know someone will try to point this out: land bound plant life can temporarily survive underwater, so Ohara's 5000 year old library tree would be fine for a a bit while submerged. There's lots of places with high tides who's plant life is just fine. (This also could explain why they'd be so willing to throw the books into the water. Not only was it to save them from the fire, but many of them had likely been submerged for long periods of time before. They knew the books would be find in the end because they had record of it. And well, it's mentioned in the chapter that Vegapunk means to finish what Ohara started.)
This would also explain how thorough the government was able to be with wiping out information from the void century. If only a few places can survive, then few things that tell the truth will survive, and even fewer people.
Do I think I'm 100% correct about any of this? Or course not, it's Oda. It's One Piece. Things are pretty much never predicted with 100% accuracy. But that's my thoughts on why it makes sense. Now we get into theory:
I have several points to make, so I'm going to write out the shortest ones first.
-This would, completely unironically, explain some of the centuries long racism campaign against fishman. They have no reason to fear the high tides. They will survive no matter what happens on the surface, and that scares the humans who cannot.
-I think that the extreme tide is a part of why the bridge is being built in Tequila Wolf. I believe the bridges purposes is to connect all the highest points of the world so there's no need for ships to carry them. This way, the Celestial Dragons will still have access to more slaves, produce, and anything they can't get within Mariejois on their own during the time period when everyone drowns.
-and now we get to the big one:
I think that the reason the 20 kings and their people destroyed the ancient kingdom is because the ancient kingdom had a way to survive the high tide while keeping the maximum number of people safe in the process, and while being able to save many more people. They refused to ask for help, and were instead afraid of the power the ancient kingdom held, so they sought to destroy it.
I think that the ancient "weapons" were instead a means of survival, and the reason they were hidden is because the 20 kings would have used them as weapons instead. We don't know much about the ancient kingdom, so much of this is speculation.
I think Pluton was a large enough ship that it could carry the entire kingdom. We've already seen some massive ships in One Piece, and Iceburg intends to turn the entirety of Water Seven into a ship, so the idea of an island sized ship isn't all that odd.
If you continue to think about it, why did none of the Beast Pirates manage to find Pluton while searching for the poneglyph in Wano? I have two theories for this based on the fact that we're told Wano would have to open it's borders in order to get Pluton. If the walls would need to be torn down, then we can continue to assume that Pluton is massive.
Theory one is that Pluton is is hidden within the mountain itself, and that the mountain was man-made to hide the ship. Not only would the walls need to come down, but the mountain itself would have to be destroyed. They would also need a way to survive the high tide without it, so creating a mountain that is high enough in altitude to keep them safe would have been a necessity. I think this is the more believable of the two theories.
Theory Two is that Pluton is Wano. The entire island is the ship, and many of Wano's people descended from the people of the ancient kingdom or those they rescued. This one is much less likely, but it's still a possibility in my mind.
We know that Poseidon was the former mermaid princess, and that the current one is Shirahoshi. She can control the sea kings. Why would this be important? Because if everywhere floods, then the sea kings, who are already very large creatures, suddenly have an influx of room to move, food to eat, and places to lay eggs. It would cause a population spike. *However,* that would cause an ecological disaster within the food chain. The sudden influx of sea kings would be desperate for any food they can get their hands on, and many would likely die of starvation. This means they need some way to repel them from the large ship.
We don't know anything about Uranus yet, so I've nothing for you.
Another thing we know about the ancient kingdom is that they seemed to be friendly with everyone, or at least it's implied via how many friends Joy Boy made.
Fishman: Along with the bonus of having Poseidon, the fishman also have access to the tree resin from Sabaody. Should the ship(Puton) or the ancient kingdom ever need to submerge in order to keep people safe or to have a temporary air bubble, They'd be safe.
Lunarians: The people who originally lived on top of the redline. Sinee the redline is high enough to not sink, it would have made sense for them to be trade partners.
Skypians and Shandians: Another race with wings. if the tides really got too high, then they could join them in the sky sea for a time. They could also trade with them.
Minks: Zunesha was a friend of Joyboy's. We don't know much else about that situation, but it's likely that Zunesha is plenty tall enough to keep the minks from drowning, and they could have traded often as well. Maybe Zunesha was even able to do something similar to the giants.
The Giants: This feels like the most important one to me, and not just because of recent chapters. Obviously the giants think very highly of Nika/Joyboy, but it's also very likely that Elbaf is tall enough to survive the high tide, and if not, the the giants themselves are. If you look at what's known about current giants, some of them are tall enough to walk along the sea floor, and the ancient giants were so large that it's said they pulled and moved continents.
Why is that bit important? Because a ship the size of an entire island would likely need a lot more than sails buoyancy to move quickly. The ancient kingdom was pulled by the giants. They moved to different areas to rescue people and to trade so that life continued while the tide was at it's highest point.
Another random thing that supports this is the giant's vehement hatred towards Charlotte Linlin. She has Totto Land, which is supposed to be a place where all races live in harmony, but it would be a mockery of what the ancient kingdom was like, and for giants, who live about 300 years, that's only a few generations back. They would still have stories about the ancient kingdom and remember the truth.
Again, I don't think anything I predict will ever be 100% accurate, but I hope you enjoyed my rambling nonetheless.
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dropthedemiurge · 23 hours
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Second part of my translation comments (and half meta) for Gray Shelter [Episode 5], you can find the first post here!
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"You gave the choice/decision to me, didn't you? (reference to the earlier scene)" "So your decision is to give me some money and tell me to get out of your sight?"
꺼져 is quite a rude word, like 'get the hell away from me', Yoondae is clearly pissed rephrasing/interpreting Soohyuk's intentions, he's using informal tone too
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"Because I live like this? Because I idle/fool around here and there without doing anything, not able to get myself together (cannot get a grip on myself and my life)? Because you still see me as a child?!" "Yes. That's why I'm confused. Because it doesn't matter who is by your side (anyone will do), right?" "And (what's the problem)? You can be by my side. Why is everything so complicated for you? Just... (in softest pleading voice) ...Watch me. I will live like all the other people. Then it'll all be good (it's solved), no? You can watch over me while being by my side. Mmhm? Don't care about the situation, once again I'm telling you, just look only right at me."
I actually really like the usage of 'focus on me' in all the sentences because the translator keeps the leitmotif and it works in all contexts, the entire conversation was translated nicely. Even "- What's the most difficult thing about me and this situation for you? - That I'm your home (the place you return to now)."
I just gave you more literal translation... idk, for fun xD Maybe you'll catch more nuances that I tried to put in here. It's just devastating. Soohyuk sees and feels that Yoondae is clinging to him like to a lifeline, and he doesn't want to be one, he's got enough of people burdening him, his life is hard enough.
He tried to think simply like Yoondae and just live in the moment, give in to his impulses as well, but he just can't. He's sinking on his own and he can't chain himself to another person because even if he's a safe place for Yoondae, he won't be able to save him in this situation, it means they'll both drown. Yoondae has to find his own ground to stand on, he has to get a grip and find a new home on his own so he won't circle his entire life and attention on Soohyuk. Only then it'll work.
"If I find another home, can I call you? You won't avoid me then?"
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They don't kiss here – they can't. It won't work. But such short distance is a promise, it's a possible future happy ending hanging between them both like a life vest and a heavy rock.
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I'm not sure he means it as 'we get together again'. More like
"If we meet again, will we become okay?"
Like, they agreed it won't work out now, they need some time, and Yoondae now will be holding onto that hope that Soohyuk might accept him and his feelings once Yoondae finds his own home, his own meaning in life. But he's still afraid it won't happen, that's why he needs to hear some affirmation. Will things between them become alright (and the fact that he doesn't really say 'better' or 'good', he uses 괜찮다 - fine, alright, okay and asks if they will be able to even reach that). Which means they both know their relationship is less than 'okay' now.
And in a very Gray Shelter melancholic satisfying-unsatisfying way, Soohyuk only replies: "It'd at least be better than now."
That's the only thing Yoondae is left with. This, and a daring request to pretend he didn't steal that goodbye kiss.
And we're getting a time skip which starts on a sound of a ringing telephone. ("If I find another home, can I call you? ) And surprisingly, it doesn't seem that Yoondae is the one calling this time, as he wanted to. It seems like Yoondae accepted the call but he wasn't holding it or answering, yet Soohyuk called him and invited him for a dinner and is waiting for the answer. Now, the decision is up to Yoondae.
There is a calendar on the wall but I honestly didn't track if there were any other calendars in the show so we can tell how long was the time skip.
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"Alright. I'll be waiting."
To be honest, in the ending I wished they showed at least one scene of Yoongdae coming home in a work-like uniform or doing something to indicate he started sorting his life out before that call came through. Because even though the ending is hopeful – they lived separately for some time, Yoondae has his own place, Soohyuk is reaching out to spend time with him now and they both agreed their next meeting will be more hopeful – but will it be enough? Was the problem actually solved?
We all should think that yes, but I wish the ending supported it a little bit more confidently. After such a rollercoaster of emotions and complicated situation, I want to see them heading towards the truly happy ending Т_т (give me the second season!)
In any case, the acting is great and the melancholic atmosphere for a BL was so unusual, I loved the edgy dialogues and emotionally raw writing. For such a short story, Gray Shelter certainly will go under many people's radar but it still touched my soul.
And, well, now I understand the title. Soohyuk is a shelter, he shouldn't be a home. Shelter is a place they seek temporarily comfort in when they have nowhere else to go. And it's not a bright happy couple place, and it's not an abusive family house either, gray is neither black nor white. It's something in between, and it's up to Soohyuk and Yoondae to try and build an actual equal bond, have a place to return to and person to eat dinner with.
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drdemonprince · 17 hours
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Any chance you'd expand on the hank hill trans guy post? (Sorry, best indicator I could come up with.) The concept interests me as I decidedly know my maleness, yet don't feel impeded by for the most part, any male gendered norms/boxes. I am fairly masculine, though I rarely use those kinds terms to describe myself. I have found I often do stray outside of what society pushed for me when I transitioned, yet I again do not feel it has taken from my right to maleness whatsoever. I am just me, who happens to be male. I have had friends try and suggest I am NB adjacent but I do not feel this way whatsoever. I feel more people are outliers to gender expectation than we care to admit and it's disappointing the way cis-people deny that. Hope this wasn't too long winded, I value your writing and perspective, and wanted to hear more of your thoughts on this.
Yeah, well so many things all get conflated by gender labels, and it's all so personal, you know? Masculinity does not have to mean maleness, and a person's gender identity might be a reflection of some innate quality they experience themselves as having, or a general summary of their tendencies, or their desired presentation, or their sense of affinity with other people, or an interpersonal tool, or something they just go along with because it was given to them by society, or any other number of things.
I think my recent substack piece on detransition goes into this pretty well, and I have an upcoming piece of what @pastimperfection calls "bilateral dysphoria" that comes out next week that delves into it too.
I think I mostly saw taking on a male identity as a means to an end more than any kind of innate reflection of who I was, though I did feel an affinity with effeminate men for a lot of reasons. I think I also discounted how much I have in common with my fellow nonbinary people of all stripes, because that identity became so strongly associated with being an annoying type of queer person that everybody else just wrote off as ultimately being their assigned gender at birth anyway no matter how much they protested. it doesn't help that 'nonbinary' is a catchall term for literally thousands if not millions of very distinct experiences and desires.
transitioning gave me control over how i was perceived, finally, but hormones are a throttle that only go in one very specific direction, and you don't really have all that much control over which changes kick in at which times and what people will make of you once you do start registering to them as some identity other than what you were first saddled with. it's an incredible gift to be able to toggle that throttle. but it's limited, not because medical transition isn't incredible and needed for so many, but because there is no escaping the goddamned binary cissexist logic that influences everything about how people treat you, how you navigate institutions, who finds you desirable and what they want out of you, and so much else.
if you're able to cast a lot of the external societal bullshit aside and feel strong in your maleness, maybe you're stronger than me or maybe our orientation to these things is just different, i don't know. i was never all that sensitive to feedback that i was doing the whole being-a-woman-thing all that wrong. i reveled in violating those rules to an extent. succeeding at being a woman despite my best attempts was what felt super dysphoric. and now i guess im succeeding at being a man, insofar as im always read as one, and it feels just as uncomfortable and objectifying and false. i thought that with manhood i could probably just grit my teeth and deal with it, but i'm finding that i can't.
ive always been very open that for me, gender is a thing I Do, and i guess to those who know me well it wouldnt be surprising to hear that i have gotten tired of Doing Being a Man and dont feel like playing that particular gendered game anymore. I tend to get bored of things! and find the flaws in things. and find my comfort in being fault-finding and contrarian and not being a joiner. and thats okay. i learned a lot along the way. not having to try any more is a huge relief. i can just do whatever. and know actively that people will more often than not be wrong in what they make of me.
maybe it was natural feeling for you to decidely 'know' your maleness without a care for masculine standards because that is the right identity for you! and maybe i only feel secure in the "not knowing" realm and in letting go of what people think of me or finding any kind of tidy categorization for it because that's the right spot for me. for now. until i find a new interesting way to be unhappy and striving for more and different again. :) that's just part of being alive, for me.
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eats-a-berry · 1 day
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i think for me part of the struggle of enjoying toshiro is how his flaws are actually really interesting and i like to think about them as i analyze stuff, but its literally become the same as how it feels for people who like laios where like there's a gut feeling of being defensive... i want to be able to talk about this stuff and the commentary of his character without that looming sense of hate, where it feels that if i acknowledge if something is a flaw its just going to make people hate him more, instead of being interesting or sympathetic, yknow? it makes things harder when i'm trying to be objective about it, a sense of guilt almost, and it makes me feel sort of frustrated when people can't see the same things that i do, where the things i find compelling in a character might be the same reason people hate them... cus it really gets tiring, even though it's, y'know, its fine if people don't like him. the odds are pretty much stacked against his favor on here. but i feel like there's a difference in talking about his issues as someone who cares about him and knows his character inside and out and in people who can't seem to even get all the details lined up to have any sympathy for his situation. but its okay. because in my heart ryoko kui is speaking to me and thanking me for analyzing every last bit of her guy with care even with his very unfortunate spotlight
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