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#Gwyneth takes all
i-can-even-burn-salad · 11 months
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Today’s line:
Finnian tried to move, but his arms were stuck. No, not stuck. Tied together at the wrists. He froze, taking a deep conscious breath. It did nothing to ease the terror that came crawling back as he realized that he wasn’t alone.
30 days 30 lines
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archecosmo · 2 years
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Damn, not people pretending like they care about Gwyn's SA when they like or even make posts about Gwyn luring and eating men, lying about her SA and being compared to a fricking rapist. 🥱
Y'all already believe that her SA never happened for whatever messed up reason, so it shouldn't be a problem to you to see NSFW art where she's in it.
Let's make 2 things very clear:
1. The artworks are not set in the present you dumb socks.
2. The whole "Gwyn can't have sex because she's a SA survivor" is just as bad as "Elain can't be with Azriel because she can't give him baby bats"- or what, are you allowing us to harass people who draw or commission El/riel babies?
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bpdjennamaroney · 9 months
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Will and Emma are having relationship problems because Will is not taking COVID seriously enough ("Therapy"). The next day Will takes his frustration out on the glee club and accuses them of not taking COVID seriously enough (Finn doesn't understand germ theory and Brittany is QAnon.)
Will says, "You guys lack historical perspective. Back in the 80s and 90s there was a young gay composer named Jonathan Larson who saw disease and suffering all around him. When he found out he was afflicted with AIDS, he put all of his pain into the timeless and unreproachable work of art, RENT. RENT taught us about community and caring for one another and more importantly...it taught us that musicals can rock." Will sings the title song from RENT with Artie and Finn.
That night: Santana is fed up with lockdown restrictions and sneaks out of her house to visit Brittany ("Out Tonight"). Brittany is planning a big show that will blow the whole COVID conspiracy wide open. She previews it for Santana ("Over the Moon"). Santana is freaked out and breaks up with Brittany. Santana can excuse ignoring disease prevention guidelines but she draws the line at being Republican about it.
Also that night, Will tries to sleep with Emma but she's too COVID-cautious ("Green Green Dress"). She says maybe they need some time apart because of their different priorities.
While grocery shopping, Will runs into Holly Holliday. Holly is lighting scented candles in the middle of the store but for some reason all of them are defective/unscented ("Light My Candle.") Holly propositions Will. Will says he's seeing Emma, and Holly admits she also has a boyfriend.
"I'm sure we can work something out," Holly says. "Meet me at the basement of the swinger's club at 9:00."
Will shows up at the swinger's club and spots his old rival, Brian Ryan (the Neil Patrick Harris character). They glare at each other, then confront each other and it's revealed that Brian is Holly's boyfriend ("Tango Maureen.") She knew Brian and Will were old high school rivals and set all this up because she's into the whole enemies-to-lovers thing.
Will scolds her. "That is so cruel and manipulative of you. I can't believe you would do this."
Holly tries to convince him to live life to the fullest. ("Another Day.")
Eventually Will thinks about what proud openly gay icon Jonathan larson would do, and he has a threesome with Holly and Brian ("Contact," I'm afraid.)
The morning after, Will can't believe he kind of cheated on Emma/hooked up with Brian and really enjoyed it ("Real Life").
On Monday, Brittany and Santana are still broken up but sitting on opposite sides of the choir room is emotionally difficult for them ("Without You.")
On the way home from school, Kurt and Blaine are like "Aren't you glad we're not like Brittany and Santana, breaking up every 5 seconds over something stupid?" and they sing "I'll Cover You" but then they break up over something stupid.
Will contemplates his sexual awakening, torn between Holly+Brian and Emma ("Johnny Can't Decide/Come To Your Senses" mashup).
The tension in glee club is unavoidable.
"Mr. Shu, this is ridiculous," Rachel says. "Ever since you brought up RENT and Jonathan Larson, it's been nonstop hookups and fighting. Also, Jonathan Larson wasn't gay and he didn't die of AIDS! He was straight and died of some random heart thing."
"What? Jonathan Larson wasn't gay? So my sexual experimentation was under false pretenses?"
Will immediately calls and breaks it off with Brian and they argue ("What You Own").
The next day Santana says "I can't believe we caused this much fuss over a straight man, who died of a random heart thing."
"Wait, just because he was straight doesn't make his words less powerful," Finn says.
"You're right," Will says. "Maybe I'm bisexual." ("Louder than Words.") And then they all sing La Vie Boheme.
At some point Santana and Mercedes sing "Take Me or Leave Me" as their glee club presentation. (It's a four-part episode.) Also I think Gwyneth would have fun with Today 4 U, don't kill me.

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foxylady13 · 2 months
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Disproving the narrative of 'Azriel won't get his own book' + Who Will His Love Interest Be?
When asked if Azriel would get his own book... this was her answer:
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In another live she mentions she knows who the next book is about but wouldn't mention if it was a male or female main character, but there will be a pegasus in it, and again she said it was pretty obvious!!
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When she was asked a question about Azriel's shadows she had this to say:
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"When it's time for HIS story to be told"
^All that proves Azriel will get his own book, in my opinion and..
As for who his love interest will be?
Well... this is her answer on characteristics that an enticing love interest would have...
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Who is it that has Azriel feels a spark in his chest for in the bonus scene of HIS (which takes place between Ch.58/59 of ACOSF)? Gwyn.
Who is it that Azriel attention is fixed on more and more after feeling that initial spark in the bonus scene throughout the rest of ACOSF? Gwyn.
Who is it that has history with Azriel, as well as her own history left to still be explored? Gwyn. Reminder that Sarah wrote that Azriel was the one who saved her, slaughted the soldiers without hesitation, and even gave her his cloak to cover up with.
Who is it that can challenge Azriel and has bantered with him? Gwyn.
I also found this question in a live and her answer interesting when it comes to the Valkyries bracelets:
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She went with her 'spiritual gut instinct' as to what colors she associates with the characters.
And in the scene with these three making the bracelets in Chapter 59?
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Gwyn's bracelet: Blue, White, and Teal.
What do I think these colors could mean?
Blue for Azriel. Teal for Gwyn's eyes.
White for her powers (to compliment Azriel's darkness) or even when Gwyn does feel worthy of the Invoking Stone (which is also Blue). Gwyn even mentions this about the Invoking Stone in Chapter 15:
“It’s an Invoking Stone.” Gwyn unfurled her fingers, revealing the gem within her hand. “Similar to the Siphons of the Illyrians, except that the power of the Mother flows through it. We cannot use it for harm, only healing and protection. It was shielding us.”
And there is this to when Gwyn was holding the stone: It fluttered with light, like the sun on a shallow sea.
The Invoking Stone is similar to the Siphons of the Illyrians.... Gwyn has a Blue Invoking Stone that matches with Azriel's Siphons and the Invoking Stone is used for healing and protection, which is the perfect counterpart to Azriel killing...
Also, in regards to that earlier picture where she mentions the next book and a pegasus....
Who in ACOSF was most loved by a certain pegasus? Gwyneth Bedara (P.S. this was revealed during the ribbon cutting scene in Chapter 60, which I will post below, and again happens after the bonus scene takes place.)
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"As if it had been following one path and now branched off in another direction" and "Right then and there. That's when it all changed." <--- This to me is Sarah telling us her plans changed and in this scene both the world and Azriel paused/stilled..... and he stilled as if aware that far larger forces peered into the ring as Gwyn moved.....
I think it's clear after reading ACOSF that Azriel will get his own book given how much he was prominent in it, and taking into account the bonus scene, and what happens after..... Sarah has shown us who his love interest will be.
These two will heal and grow, both individually and together, and I can't wait for their story to be told. 🥰❤🥰
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wheatnoodle · 11 months
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i hope s5 gives unnamed freak a name. that’s so fucked up of them. he’s in the show just as much as gareth and jeff and yet he’s the only one without a name?? even jason’s friend andy got a name! but here’s the one fat kid in the show that they aren’t going to even give a name and instead list as “unnamed freak”.
he has lines! and nobody, not even his supposed friends in the show, mention his name once. they said “let’s be body inclusive yet still show he’s not really a character!”
so, here’s some of my hcs for unnamed freak.
-his name is grant vanderburg
-he’s in the same grade as jeff and takes honors and ap courses for anything science and history
-grant sucks at math, but luckily that’s where jeff is great so he gets help from him at lunch sometimes
-he is the only person able to physically hold eddie down when he’s all wired up
-was on the wrestling team in middle school
-grant has a girlfriend named jessica who’s in the chess club and the mathletes and they’ve been dating since 7th grade
-he has an older sister, gwyneth, who’s 10 years older, married, and has two kids (he’s an uncle to his niece, 4, and his nephew, 3)
-grant’s dad passed when he was 2 while serving in the military so he has no memory of him and has been raised by a single mom
-his mom is AWESOME, she’s a chef at a restaurant up in indy so she’s constantly bringing home leftovers and sending grant to his friends with tupperware of home cooked meals
-grant was named after his dad and used to want to go into the army to follow him before he started to distrust the government come 8th grade
-his bass came from his grandfather on his dad’s side who, despite living across the country, would fly over and help out as much as he could when things got too much for beth (his mom)
-if music doesn’t work out, he’s considered being a pilot or going to work with his mom in the restaurant business
-he’s the friend that waits for you to tie your shoe while everyone else keeps going on ahead
-sometimes jessica will play a campaign with them and she crushes absolutely everyone involved
-he 100% has a pet lizard named henrietta and is allergic to dogs
-also has a peanut allergy
-he is just as important as the rest of his friend group
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fkinavocado · 6 months
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put a price on emotion
The Honourable Judge Styles has a dark secret. He prides himself on being notorious for his cutthroat sense of justice. But is he really any better than the ones he imprisons? Or is he a victim much like the ones he acquits?
Put a price on emotion - Masterlist, Author's Notes & Warnings / alternatively, read on wattpad
Prologue (word count: 1.1k)
“All rise. The court is now in session. Honourable Judge Styles presiding. Please be seated.”
The imposing man nodded to the bailiff and the other members of the courtroom as he took his seat at the bench. “Thank you, you may all be seated. Call the case.”
“Your honour, criminal case number 23234- People of Chicago, Illinois versus Grace Gwyneth Cohen for homicide.”
The judge did a quick scan of the courtroom as he opened up his notebook for his case notes, and landed his gaze on the defendant. She’d waived her right to a jury trial, which didn’t make any sense to him. It made much more sense for her to want a jury trial. Her chances of convincing that many more people of her innocence were exponentially higher than persuading the state’s notoriously cutthroat judge. 
The man usually presided over hung jury cases. It was his expertise, mostly because he was known for being just and, yes, cutthroat. In all the cases he’d presided over, not once did he have even a shadow of a doubt over who was in the wrong. He’d always served justice, he was sure of it, and as much as he’d have liked to have his innate judge of character take all the credit for it, he had to admit he’d not been this attuned before. 
It was hard to tell anymore, mainly because, well, it had been such a long time since… before. If anything, he could attest that he’d always had an affinity towards justice, doing the right thing, advocating for the right cause, but now, well, he could read right through the bullshit.
He could read people like open books. 
As could all vampires.
So, really, it was nothing special. What was special, though, was that not all vampires chose to put these sharpened abilities to good use. The fact that he’d chosen to do so was still something mind boggling to his… community. But Harry couldn’t fathom just doing nothing for all eternity, like they did. Sure, after a couple hundred years everyone kinda gets tired of trying to spruce things up. But he’d done it all- tried everything in the book- and at one point, you just need to try and give your existence meaning. And this, judging, was a way he could put his abilities to good use, in a meaningful way, giving him a sense of purpose.
And that was pretty valuable when you were immortal. 
And besides, he couldn’t lie; the added bonus of making humans squirm- particularly those that deserved to be crushed by the law- under his gavel, albeit metaphorically, was quite thrilling. 
But most of all, he enjoyed ensuring a bit of balance in this unfair world- the world that chose this existence for him. He’d not chosen this for himself, after all. He was a victim. He’d suffered a great injustice, maybe the biggest of them all- he’d been robbed of his right of living a normal life. He’d been forced into immortality, and there was nothing he could do about it. No one to turn to, no one to give him justice. There simply wasn’t any. And that had always bothered him deeply.
Sure, they had a system. The vampire that had turned him did suffer some consequences. But, really, there wasn’t much you could do to an immortal being to make them really repent. It wasn’t like they were going to be put away for “life”. You couldn’t exactly incarcerate someone for all eternity. The prospect of a death penalty was more of a treat than a threat to most vampires. And so, outside of being ostracised by their community, which ensured an even lonelier existence, there wasn’t much else a vampire could fear in this afterlife. Most of them stayed within lines and regulations just so they wouldn’t have to face the rest of eternity alone, be it as it may in a state of the art manor and not some dingy prison cell.
So what had made this young woman waive her jury trial? Had she not heard of his reputation? Looking at her, he recognized she was an outspoken person, a very headstrong personality, from the way she didn’t seem to pay any attention to her lawyer.
He recognized the defence attorney. He was someone the state had provided the young woman with, so he wasn’t her own choice. Their body language told him all he needed to know. She was not going to heed her council’s advice. He wondered if the man knew it too, but if he had to guess he’d say he was suspicious of it at the very least.
This was going to be tricky, Harry thought to himself as he narrowed his gaze and decided to proceed.
“Is the accused in court?”
“Yes, your honour,” the bailiff announced.
“Alright, arraign the accused.”
The young woman was brought to the defence panel, the bailiff addressing her “You are the accused in the trial number 23234 entitled People of Chicago, Illinois versus Grace Gwyneth Cohen, and the information charges you of the crime of homicide committed as follows: that on the night of 27 of July, current year, in Chicago, Illinois, the above named accused, with intent to kill, did then and there, wilfully, unlawfully and feloniously attack, assault and employ personal violence upon the person of one Silvian Montgomery, by then and there stabbing him with a sharp silver switchblade on the right portion of his torso, thereby inflicting upon him a serious and mortal wound which was the direct and immediate cause of his untimely death as per the autopsy report conducted by the state appointed pathologist. Contrary to law. What is your plea?”
“Not guilty.”
“You will address the bench in doing so.”
The young woman cleared her throat and turned to face the judge who was watching her intently. She took a quick breath, meeting his icy glaze. “Not guilty, your honour.”
“The accused enters the plea of not guilty, your honour.”
The young woman rolled her eyes ever so slightly, muttering something about how she’d literally just said that. And she’d been subtle about it, but Harry was extremely observant. And his preternatural hearing capabilities didn’t hurt, either.
But he was willing to let it slide, because, well, he had an affinity for innocent people.
It felt a bit like cheating, this whole ordeal, a feeling he wasn’t accustomed to. Because he was about to preside over a case knowing the outcome from head start. He knew what his verdict would be. He knew before he’d even been assigned the trial.
Not guilty.
Chapter 1
A/N: well, well well. the day has finally come. i've been planning on this fic for over a year now! i was going to post the epilogue for halloween, but life got in the way. in a way i'm glad i didn't because, well, this isn't just another vampire fic to me. it's so much more than that. it's smutty (of course), it's angsty (duh, it's me), but honestly... for a guy whose heart stopped beating a long time ago Harry sure doesn't act like it. and as for the original main character this time around, Grace... well, we'll just have to discover her alongside Harry, won't we ❤️
beta'd by the lovely @adorebeaa ❤️
special bday gift for @freedomfireflies ❤️ btw the name i chose for the mc is coincidental 😅
💕 like & reblog if you’re enjoying this, lovelies, and most importantly, please come share your thoughts on it here 💌
🧛follow me on wattpad to get notified whenever i post something new/update!🧑‍⚖️
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darkest-fantasy · 17 days
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Gwyn being argued as some enchantress that manipulates Azriel and his Shadows has been the worst theory to come from this fandom EVER.. and I’ve been with this series since the beginning(2015)
Trying to find any crumb of a flaw from this courageous, empathetic, and positive character has made me so upset about the fandom. It is making elriels seem like they are crumbling under themselves.
Resorting to calling Gwyn a manipulator because you cannot BELIEVE that Azriel would EVER have a positive reaction to Gwyn is wrong. If you actually think that Sarah J Maas will have a character like Gwyn become some evil enchantress or manipulator, then you don’t know her as an author at all. Gwyn has inspired THOUSANDS in the fandom. Her story might even be the most horrific one that sjm has ever written. Her ability to overcome trauma, be so positive, and even begin the entire Valkyries again will leave a long lasting impact in the entire series. If you think for one second that sjm will ruin the entire beauty that is Gwyneth Berdara, you’re again very wrong.
The fact that Gwynriel’s could easily say the same thing about Elain’s unknown powers and how Azriel could be manipulated by them. But we don’t say that because we understand that they are attracted to eachother. We acknowledge that they have a natural connection. But we also recognize that their attraction for eachother are for the wrong reasons. We understand how sjm closes the aspect of a couple and that’s what she did in the bonus chapter.
As someone who has literally seen it all, has been gaslit for saying feysand was endgame before ACOMAF, this by FAR is the worst theory that anyone could say about an ACOTAR character. This is the worst take and it really shows me how quick some people in the fandom are to tear apart another woman. It’s disgusting and desperate.
Elriels come talk to me when you actually have a concrete theory, instead of your gross wish that Gwyn is evil
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moonlightazriel · 2 months
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Chapter 4: Lost in history /// Azriel X F!Reader
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Summary: The research for a way to send her back started, but they come to the conclusion that there's only one person that can help them now.
Word Count: 2,1K
Warnings: Just our babygirl Y/N being sad.
Notes: We have some Elriel content and i admit that it feels werid writing about them but soon things will change hehehehe
Main Masterlist
Worlds Apart Masterlist
“This is all I have that mentions other worlds.” The red headed female from yesterday's training spoke, her red hair was covered by a blue hoodie, a stone resting peacefully against her forehead. Just like Petrah wore too. 
“Thank you..” She motioned for the female so she could tell her name.
“Gwyneth, but you can call me Gwyn.” She nodded. 
“Thanks, Gwyn.” The female smiled at her, before spinning on her heels and leaving her alone, walking away.
That morning, Rhysand had appeared again, she had to hold herself as she stared at those violet eyes, he wasn’t like Maeve, he already proved that. He had told her that they were already looking for answers, ways of getting her back to her world. She had asked him how she could help, and that’s how she ended down there.
The priestesses walked around in silence, their dresses rustling against the marble floors, books and more books adorned the walls, the smell of dust and parchment filled the cavernous space. Aelin Galathynius would love a library like that one. The two had discovered a common interest in books during the time she spent in Orynth. 
The dream of creating their own book club felt like a very distant memory now. She was rather fond of the Queen, Aelin was just amazing, and she saw her for what she truly was, a survivor, just like Y/N. So young having to deal with all of that, she admired her strength, the courage to wake up everyday and fight for the world she wanted.
She shook her head, thinking about it wouldn’t help, and she would just be sad, more than she already was. So she stuck her nose on the pages and read everything she could about other worlds. 
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆ 
She closed the last book with an annoyed growl. Nothing. Absolutely nothing helpful on those pages. She wanted to bang her head against the nearest wall, the whole fucking day spent in theories, nothing concrete in how to access those said worlds. 
“Nothing?” A deep voice sounded, she turned her head, Cassian was standing there. “I won’t say we're having much more success than you.” She took a deep breath, getting up and stretching her muscles.
“I sat here for hours and not a single thing was useful. For a library that big, someone would think you have more information than that.” She started to follow the male. 
“Thank you, I've been saying that for centuries.” He led the way towards the endless stairs that would take them back to the surface.
“How old are you exactly?” His head turned to the side just enough so he could see her from his peripheral vision. 
“I’m 539 years old.” She stopped in her tracks. “I know it sounds old for such a young female like you.” He turned fully to her.
“How old do you think I am?” A smile danced on her lips.
“I don’t know, 22?” She then laughed, walking past him, starting to go upstairs to get out of that library. 
“Thank you, but I'm 105.” She explained and Cassian gasped loudly. 
“You’re not.” She nodded her head.
“I am. Witches tend to age very slowly.” She emphasised the world very, and Cassian found himself intrigued. Obviously they also aged slowly, but he didn't imagine the same happened in her world as well. 
The rest of the way was silent, as they made their way towards the House of Wind, as Nesta had introduced yesterday. The house responsible for her warm bath and fresh clothes this morning as well. She had thanked the house quietly, but Azriel had caught the faint whispers, so used to them, thinking it was very sweet of her. 
More people had joined the dinner, the smell of food lingered in the air, conversations floated around and she found herself surrounded by more strangers. A female holding a baby that looked like a younger version of Nesta. A black male with white hair, sitting by the side of a small female with silver eyes and short hair. 
She greeted all of them, introducing herself and waiting for them to do the same. The male was called Varian and Amren was by his side. Feyre and Nyx were High Lady and heir to the night court. They all looked at her with curiosity, everyone seemed to look at her like this lately, even when she was back at her home. 
“So you are the pretty female that the skies blessed us with.” Amren spoke. She reminded her of Lin, with her narrow eyes and deep black hair. 
“Amren, will you keep what I told you in secret, please?” Morrigan exclaimed, sipping on her wine. The smaller female just rolled her eyes, waving her hand in dismissal.
“Well, I guess so.” She poked a piece of lamb. Her goblet filled with wine but she craved something else. She craved blood. 
“Hopefully you had more success than us.” Feyre spoke, her sweet voice sounding like a fresh breeze. The baby slept clutched to her chest. Y/N knew she was staring at him, but she didn’t care, her memories drifting to a distant time, where a baby just as tiny as him never had the chance to live, and she paid a bitter price for her actions. 
“I.. hmm…” She cleared her throat, everyone was waiting for an answer, their eyes glued to her. Her scar throbbed with the attention and she had to hold back from flinching with the pain that pulsates on the skin. “No, I have found nothing useful.” She concluded, sipping on the wine, making a frown at the taste, blood tasted way better. 
“Not fond of wine?” Amren mocked, like she knew exactly what she wanted. 
“I just like something a little bit different, that’s all.” She didn’t want to disrespect them in their home, Asterin would be disappointed if she did so. So she downed the wine with the food, pretended to participate in their conversations and watched as the night progressed out of the window.
“We need to check Koschei.” Rhysand spoke, this caught her attention and she started to listen again. “It’s been weeks, we need to know what he’s been up to.” The name caused her blood to run cold, she didn’t know what, but something about this creature left her on alert.
“Who is Koschei?” She asked, their heads turning to her, Rhysand shared a look with his mate, like they were having a silent conversation before he spoke again. 
“He’s a powerful sorcerer bound to a lake.” He started. 
“For now.” Morrigan corrected. 
“Yes, for now. We want to defeat him before he becomes an even bigger problem than he already is.” She studied them, how the whole table felt tense with the conversation, like they were afraid of this thing, something told Y/N that she should feel afraid too. 
“Maybe he knows something.” Nesta started. “He’s from another world as well.”
“What? Do you want to go there and ask him how to open a portal to another world?” Amren mocked and Nesta gave her a hurtful look. 
“No, but maybe we can find a book about him, someone that knows his history or something like that.” She defended herself.
“Nesta is right.” Cassian spoke, hand squeezing her thigh under the table. “We’re already looking for a way to free Vassa, we can ask Lucien to try and help with this too.” 
“That is a great idea. I’ll send him a letter, it’s already time for him to visit us.” Feyre chimed in, her blue eyes sparking with happiness at the thought of seeing Lucien again, it’s been months since he left with the Band of Exiles. “You’re going to love Lucien.” She turned to Y/N.
“If you think so.” Meeting more people, she was so excited for that. With a loud yawn, she excused herself and retired to her room, she had to wake up early to go for a ride on Meraxes, she could hear the winds calling for her.  
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆ 
“I swear there’s nothing going on.” Azriel promised, but Elain still refused to hear him. After their argument the day before, she had come looking for him in the training field, just to find her glued to his back, and Azriel allowing it as she claimed.
“What I saw yesterday would love to disagree with you.” She poked her untouched food, they were in a reserved table on a restaurant across the Rainbow, he just wanted that argument to be over. 
“It was just training, my flower.” He begged, rubbing his hand over his face in an attempt to calm himself, he didn’t know what else he could say to convince her. “You chose me and I chose you, despite everything, that female cannot change that.” 
If he only knew how wrong he was. She looked at him with that spark in her eyes, hands clutching his scarred ones and bringing to her pink lips in a sweet kiss.
“You are right, she’s not better than me and she never will.” His shadows moved as if they disagreed, they were always quiet in Elain’s presence and he never knew why. They didn’t darted towards her like they did with Y/N more times than he could count in the short period she was there.
“Yeah, let’s just eat and go home, please.” He begged and Elain nodded.
The rest of the dinner felt bitter against his lips, his head throbbed and when he rested his hands on her lower back to lead the way home, it felt wrong, so wrong. He swallowed the feelings and kept trying to convince himself that he chose this, this is what he wanted. Three sisters to three brothers or whatever. 
Elain’s hands cupped his cheek, and she lifted her body to the tip of her toes, kissing him lightly on the lips, saying her good night to him, disappearing into her room at the River House. 
He closed the door behind him, flying towards the House of Wind in a starless sky, dark clouds covering the beautiful night. When he landed on the balcony, he slowly stalked towards his room, but his shadows urged him away from it, towards the library. 
From the open arch on the stone wall, he could see her, a tiny nightgown covering her body, some strands falling loose from her braid. A book clutched in hands as she sat against a window, eyes glued to the sky. 
“Couldn’t sleep?” He said, his voice hoarse. She turned to him, those beautiful eyes penetrating his soul. She closed her book.
“There’s a storm coming.” She raised her finger, pointing outside. 
“How do you know?” Stars still littered the sky from where he could see. 
“I can hear it's calling.” Azriel nodded. She had a defeated expression on her face, all he wanted to do was to soothe the furrowed eyebrows and tell her everything would be fine. “Do you think I'll ever find my way home?” Tears glistened in the moonlight, burning her eyes. 
“I don’t know.” He answered with honesty, he didn’t have the answer for that, and as much as he wanted to help her, something inside him didn’t want her to go back. He shushed that part of him, hiding them in the shadows of his heart. 
“I wonder if they miss me.” She looked outside again, ever since Asterin died, she felt like she lost her space in the world, like she didn’t belong anywhere, if she disappeared would anyone notice? Would they find a way to get her back? All those questions and self doubt weighed on her soul, crushing her until she couldn’t breathe. She blinked the tears away. 
“I’m sure they do.” She could hear the pity in his tone, and she hated that, she knew that if she looked at him he would have that look on his face, the one everyone had when they looked at her. Manon, Fenrys, Aelin, Shearah, Elide and all of them, the same pitiful glare reserved just for her. She didn’t want to face that here as well.
So she got up, leaving the book behind and walked past him, as fast as the winds, but his warm hand caught her arm, forcing her to stop. Her head whipped back, eyes locking with his golden ones. 
“I’m so sorry if I offended you.” His voice was gentle, calming.
“I don’t need your pity.” She barked in anger. 
“I wouldn’t dare.” He promised, and she just nodded, freeing herself from his grip, going to her room, locking the door and throwing herself under the blankets. The skin of her arm felt warm where he had touched. And that night, after tossing and tuning for what felt like an eternity, she dreamed about that male again.
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆
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separatist-apologist · 2 months
Text
Take Me Back To The Night We Met
Summary: Gwyneth Berdara wants nothing more than to return home and exact revenge on the courtiers who hurt her and killed her sister. Exiled to a distant temple, Gwyn finds herself at the mercy of a mysterious stranger offering to escort her home on orders from her eldest brother and king of the realm.
Unraveling the secrets of the strange soldier will prove more deadly than Gwyn could ever have imagined, setting into motion events that began nearly five hundred years before.
Happy @gwynrielweeksofficial!
TW for mentions of past sexual assault
Read on Ao3
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Five hundred years before:
“No more,” Azriel breathed, spiked boot pressed to the neck of his would-be adversary. “It’s over.”
Heavy chains curled from the loamy ground made of thick roots. It took no effort to bind him given he was dying, bleeding from the sword still protruding in his stomach. Somewhere in the distance he could hear the mighty roar of Rhys and knew he and Cassain were likely suffering similar fates. They’d tried to take the world, to leave the underplane they ruled, to overthrow the high god Koschei.
Where was Lucien, he wondered? Was he dead too? Was this failed cosmic coup over so easily? Azriel wanted to struggle but his body was pinned in place, sinking slowly toward an earthy grave. 
“You give up easier than expected,” Koschei murmured, sharpened teeth dripping with some dripping, black substance. “Like a coward.”
Azriel snarled furiously, pulling at the bindings dragging him further down. Could Koschei see the promise of retribution in his gaze? Did he not realize no prison could hold him forever? Azriel would find his way out eventually. He had nothing but eternity to plot and creatures like Koschei grew complacent in the end. 
Crouching so he could speak better with Azriel, Koschei flashed another foul smile. “I hear your thoughts, little god. You think you can usurp me with time. Consider your undoing.” With a snap of his fingers, a body fell from the sky, falling with a sickening crunch inches from Azriel. He recognized the red hair, splayed out over a too pale, lifeless face. Knew the body of the woman now crumpled in a heap, the sword broken off in her midriff—he’d given it to her. 
A once white ribbon, now stained rust red, was still tied around her forehead. Azriel wanted to reach for it, to blow life into the lifeless body of the only woman he’d ever truly loved.
It had been a mistake to bring humans into this mess. To think he could raise her into godhood—that she wouldn’t get hurt in the end. Azriel had sworn he’d keep her safe.
His Gwyn.
“Pretty little thing,” Koschei murmured, running clawed hands through Gwyn’s tangled hair. “Didn’t you warn her to stay away from monsters?”
“I’ll kill you,” Azriel swore, thrashing again. It only made him sink faster. 
“Oh, you’ll try. And every time you raise yourself against me, your little human will find herself reborn and thrust back in your path. You can try and save her, of course—but you have to give up your designs on godhood, shadowsinger. Or you can kill me and watch her die all over again. Something to think about.”
Azriel shouted, but dirt filled his mouth before darkening his vision. With his eyes closed, all he could see was Gwyn’s helpless body left to rot while he was buried beneath her. Azriel forced himself to calm down, just enough to keep his mind clear.
Koschei thought he had him.
But he didn’t know Azriel at all. And the ancient god had only given Azriel time think.
Time to plot. 
-    - 
Gwyneth Berdara woke just before dawn, like she always did. Some internal clock inside her mind refused to let her sleep in—to sleep well—especially now that she’d come to the temple in Sangravagh. She wasn’t supposed to be here. She should have been in the palace with her brothers, should have been mourning her sister's death with the rest of them.
She’d had one minor outburst. One room had exploded into flame before her brother—the king—had extinguished it. Nothing of consequence had been harmed and yet she’d seen that steely look in Eris’s eyes. 
“It’s been a year, Gwyneth,” he’d said without humor. “How much longer am I expected to tolerate this?”
“How long would it take you to mourn the death of your other half?” she’d snapped back. That had been a mistake. His patience was already thin—there was conflict at the border, the first in five centuries, and swirling rumors the dark princes were rising from the slumber.
Eris, who lived in the shadow of Lucien Spell-Cleaver—a god, truly, more legend than he’d ever been a living man—was uneasy. Devoid of smiles, same as their late father. As if Beron Vanserra could have any relation to the great Sun King. 
So Gwyn was here with the priestesses to learn humility, and to vent her rage somewhere none of the courtiers could see. She wondered what he’d told the court. What had he told Nesta Archeron, Gwyn’s dearest friend? Did he admit the truth? That she was an embarrassment he couldn’t stand any longer? That Eris didn’t want to deal with the messiness of loss, that Catrin’s death didn’t bother him as much because he’d never been close to either of them? They were the youngest by nine years, an accident their father hadn’t wanted and their mother was too exhausted to deal with.
Eris had five brothers, but Gwyn had only Catrin. They’d had governesses, of course, and the usual training given to princesses, but they were merely more players on their father’s board, turning the Vanserra siblings from five to seven in the blink of an eye. They’d run wild, managed more by Eris than their parents, who’d done a better job keeping Catrin’s moods in check.
She was gone now. 
And so was Beron. 
That left Gwyn to pick up her sister's mantle and give Eris hell when it suited her, and left Eris to exile her until she was ready to stop being a pain in his ass. Or to find her a suitable husband, some minor lord with money and men that Eris could exploit while cleanly wiping his hands of her. 
Gwyn resented him for it. 
There were secrets, too—things she couldn’t tell Eris, that he’d never guessed. Things she’d confessed only to Catrin, curled up in a bed they’d never been meant to share as she sobbed softly. Of men at court who took far too many liberties and her brothers who were too busy with their own lives to notice their sisters. 
Catrin had nearly convinced Gwyn to tell Eris the truth.
And now she was dead. 
Unlike the other priestesses, Gwyn was given her own room at the top of one of the dark spires in the temple. It wasn’t nice, nor was it spacious, but it was private and that was all that mattered. She didn’t have her own bathing chamber which annoyed her given Gwyn had to trek down circling stairs and make her way through the drafty temple for the one bathing room they all shared. 
She didn’t like the way they stared at her, how their laughter and conversations died when she stepped into the room. Maybe that was why she’d begun getting up early. Better to bathe alone than to endure their quiet judgment. They didn’t want her here, either. They loathed having to teach her to work in the garden (a task Gwyn hated), and embroider, (Gwyn stuck her finger almost as often as her cloth), and work the stables (the horses were nice, but their stalls were foul). Gwyn didn’t mind midwifery so much, though the first time she’d watched a woman bleed out while the other priestess called it Lady Death’s will, Gwyn had found she liked it a little less. Everything was left in the hands of the gods and no one had to take any responsibility for their actions. The gods ordained every act of cruelty and mortals were helpless to resist. Gwyn loathed that more than anything. 
The only place that felt like solace was the library. It was a special privilege to work there, earned after years of dedication and Gwyn knew the other priestesses resented seeing her working for Merril. The books kept the score, besides—villains always got what they deserved, the heroes always came out triumphant. Even outside of the novels she loved, history was written in the blood of victors and lacked the meddling hands of the gods. Gwyn was allowed to help transcribe these histories which was clearly her brother's influence. Everyone knew it. 
They didn’t know the alternative was her constant attempts at escaping. They didn’t understand that Clotho had watched as Gwyn was dragged back, at first kicking and screaming, before she’d become compliant, though still defiant. She would rather die than sit in the temple, complacent and meek, awaiting Eris’s decision on what to do with her. So she ran, and she was caught, and she ran again. Over and over and over until Clotho finally had enough.
Signing silently, Clotho had said, If you stay, you can work among the books. 
It was a bribe more than anything. Gwyn imagined Clotho loathed having to write her brother all those letters about how difficult she was. And Gwyn was certain Eris had demanded they find a way to make her complacent, along with a hefty sum of gold.
And hated even more that it had worked. 
She’d loved the library at home, and she loved it here in Sangravagh even more. Here they had books that went back to the reign of Lucien Spell-Cleaver. That told the story of the epic battle between him and the legendary Dark Lord—The Shadowsinger. Defeated at the very last moment, when all hope was lost, by the Sun King’s unassuming, beautiful wife. Her mother had told her and Catrin that story more often than any other. It was said his body had been cut into five pieces, scattered to the four corners of the globe while his head was buried beneath the floors of the Forest House. It was said that Lucien himself had buried him that way to ensure he never returned. 
Catrin used to sympathize with the Shadowsinger—likely the only person in the world who could. Gwyn had been mesmerized, proud to be part of that legacy. Curious, too, as she’d become older. How much of it was actually true, and how much was merely legend. Gwyn suspected Lucien Spell-Cleaver had been mythologized, melded with other, older legends until he became a god-like figure.
And the Shadowsinger much the same. 
In the library, Gwyn found records from the time, recording births and deaths, and endless expenses for building palaces and roads and walls. She found records of ship inventories carrying the goods from Velaris and Illryia to Avalon, which meant the legends of the Lord of Bloodshed and his equally terrifying brother known only as Death Incarnate, couldn’t be real, either. They were said to rule Velaris and Illyria proper, and the Shadowsinger oversaw what was now Avalon. 
Likely they had just been regular men, too, whose regimes were toppled and they, too, were made more fearsome by legend trying to immortalize an Empire, and terrifying those that would defy it. Bedtime stories for children, real lives made into parables to teach lessons. 
She couldn’t stop herself from translating the books, though. From painstakingly working by candle, until it had burned to nothing and she was half asleep against the hardwood surface. Merrill allowed her to do so, likely because it kept her busy and out of everyone's way.  
Gwyn rushed through her morning bath, well aware that the stipulations to being in the library required her to spend three mornings a week shoveling horse shit from the stables.
Gwyn always chose the first three days to get it out of the way. Begrudgingly, she could admit to herself that the hard labor did calm her mind a little. She’d never say that out loud, but Gwyn liked the horses, too. 
She dressed quickly, slipping on the standard blue of her robes that all priestesses wore. She had some old gowns from court but Eris had ordered she be treated no different than anyone else. What good was chiffon and lace in a place like this? Once, Gwyn had cherished those things. She and her sister had giggled over new gowns made of silk, had spent hours at the dressmakers ordering everything that caught their eye and then some. Catrin, especially, had more dresses than anyone could ever have worn and had taken such care with her appearance. She’d been so beautiful, so lively—the living embodiment of the flame that wound its way through their family bloodline. 
Gwyn couldn’t prove she’d been murdered to keep silence but rumor had been spreading that something had happened. Catrin couldn’t hide her rage, had snapped at the men responsible, had messed around in their policies and in one particularly cut-throat move, interfered in an impending marriage that would have enriched one of the families beyond their wildest dreams. 
It’s my quiet revenge until you’re ready to get loud, Catrin had told her. 
Gwyn had always been afraid to be angry, to take up space.
Not anymore.
The air was cooler than usual, salty without the tang of fish that it usually had. Gwyn could hear the ocean churning in the distance and knew if she continued walking toward the cliffside she’d find the brutal gray waves rising and falling against the rock, battering away. She wasn’t allowed to go that far—everyone thought she might fling herself off the edge.
Some days it was tempting. 
Some days her anger burned so hot Gwyn thought she might explode from it. Today was one of those days. It itched beneath her skin, expanding until she felt like she couldn’t contain her feelings. Her sister wasn’t just dead. She’d been murdered. Eris swore he was looking for the killer, had promised Gwyn there would be justice but there wasn’t, and there hadn’t been. Did her brother suspect the truth? That nobles in his own court were responsible and condemning them to death was likely to cause an exodus and, even worse, an attempted coup? Or was he too busy with things he deemed more important to see what felt so obvious to Gwyn. Maybe she could have pieced Catrin’s final night alive together—all she had were her suspicions.
Now she had nothing at all. 
Gwyn looked up at the moody sky wishing she had the Spell-Cleaver’s affinity for magic. All she had was flame, and it was fairly pathetic in comparison to her brothers. Perhaps that was for the best—Gwyn might have raised the whole world in her grief and anger. 
Instead she put on mucking shoes and made her way to the horse stalls. The first stall was easy enough. Pancakes was a sweet, older gelding who didn’t mind getting out of Gwyn’s way so she could take a pitchfork to the manure and replace the soiled hay with something fresh. Gwyn replaced the water in the bucket and fed her before she was rewarded with a sweet nudge from a soft, gray nose.
The next stall was more of the same, and by the time Gwyn reached the third, she was coated in sweat and already thinking about her books. She wouldn’t be done before lunch and already regretted not having breakfast. Still, the quiet company of the animals soothed some of her rage and the work kept her mind mostly quiet. 
Pulling open the wooden stall, Gwyn paused. Buttercream was waiting for breakfast with impatient eyes, nearly trampling the limp body in his stall. Gwyn blinked, certain she was seeing it wrong—but that was a man lying there.
Dried blood stuck to his midnight black hair, to the golden brown of his cheeks, to the white of his torn shirt. Gwyn took a step forward, thinking this wasn’t the first dead body she’d seen. Buttercream stepped out of the stall entirely which was going to get Gwyn in trouble. She considered going back for the horse before deciding that Clotho would understand. 
Hopefully.
Gwyn knelt beside the body, roughly turning him to this back. More dried blood caked over his neck and his bare chest, though she couldn’t tell where he’d been wounded. An old scar screamed white against his neck, like someone had tried to cut it and failed. Gwyn swallowed hard, fingers trembling as she pressed them against the pulsepoint.
He gasped, eyes flying open to look at her. His bloodless lips parted, hazel eyes dilating with fear. Gwyn tried to skitter back but he grabbed both her arms with a surprisingly strong grip, sitting up just enough to put them at eye level.
His were the most intoxicating mix of brown and green, dotted gold around his iris. “You,” he breathed before releasing her arms to hold her face in callused hands. “You—get help.”
She might have done exactly as he demanded had he not crushed his mouth against hers. Gwyn yelped, held in place by this stranger who, despite the blood coating his skin, tasted like warm smoke curling against icy snow. Gwyn kept her eyes open and so did he before those thick, dark lashes fluttered and he felt back with a loud thud. 
Gwyn exhaled, fingers flying to her lips. It should have enraged her, this kiss from a stranger who hadn’t even asked if he could touch her. Yet another man taking what he wanted without bothering to ask, to consider if she wanted what he was offering. And yet…Gwyn’s fingers found her lips, eyes still on his unconscious body pillowed by straw. It hadn’t felt like conquest the way it had before. This felt like desperation—like he needed help and could think of no other way to convince her. 
It was her first, proper kiss. She’d imagined something different. Someone different. 
Not a vagrant half dead in a barn.
Gwyn rose to her feet, hating how her knees were wobbling. “CLOTHO!” she screamed, stepping back out into the cool world.
Overhead, thunder clapped a warning.
And the skies began pouring rain.
 -    - 
Gwyn was in the library, hidden far in the back when she heard the voices of other priestesses. “He can’t stay,” someone whispered. “I told Merrill as much.” “Where did he even come from?” asked another. Gwyn paused from her scroll, grateful for an excuse to rest her aching hand. 
“This isn’t the first time a man has tried to infiltrate.”
“I heard his throat was cut—”
“He was stabbed, supposedly. I told Clotho we ought to leave him to die—”
“That’s terrible.”
The priestesses had been forbidden from visiting the stranger, but Gwyn wasn’t a priestess. And she was curious given he’d kissed her right before passing out. Surely she deserved to see how he was progressing before he was kicked out of the temple? That man was the first interesting thing that had happened since she’d arrived six months before.
She waited until the voices floated away before putting her things away and blowing out her candle. No one paid her any mind as she walked the familiar stone halls, guided only by the silvery moonlight overhead. 
Gwyn knew exactly where he’d be, assuming he was still alive. He’d be closer to her tower where they kept people who’d committed egregious offenses. Gwyn had never seen that happen but she’d heard of a priestess who’d been stealing coins for a lover in a nearby village. The punishment was typically just long enough to cool whatever ardor existed between the lovers—men were fickle things. A week of no contact and they slunk off, moving on with a new, warmer body while the woman was left to pine. Gwyn pitied them both. Was that all love was? Close proximity ignited with physical touch? 
She wasn’t interested. 
Gwyn turned down the sharp corridor, ignoring the door that would take her up to her tower for the one at the far end of the hall. Pushing it open, she saw him lying on a cot, his shirt cut from his body and his chest wrapped in pristine white bandages. The blood had been washed from his body, leaving him utterly bare from the waist up. Gwyn thought there was something odd about him—something missing, though she couldn’t explain what, exactly. 
She was distracted by a trail of dark hair starting just beneath his navel, vanishing in the band of his pants. Cocking her head, she examined the hard muscle of him, made softer in sleep but still visible through his skin. Who was he, she wondered?
She didn’t realize he was awake until she glanced back at his face, meaning to leave. “You again,” he murmured in a midnight dark voice. “I thought I imagined you.”
Gwyn’s heart began thudding in her chest. “You passed out in the stables,” she told him. 
“Seemed like a safe option at the time,” he replied, groaning a little as he tried to sit up. 
“What happened to you?��
He glanced down at the bandage wrapped around his body. “A knife.”
“Did you rob someone?”
A smile tugged at his lips and Gwyn was struck by how beautiful he was. She was used to beautiful men—all her brothers had the good Vanserra genes, after all, passed down from the Sun King himself. And the lords at court were often quite handsome with the annoying quality of knowing it. This man, though, was different. Otherworldly in his beauty and radiating strength—strong jaw, high cheekbones, an aquiline nose and a full mouth. Those dark lashes didn’t hurt him, either, nor did how nicely his body was arranged.
“I’m a soldier, not a thief.”
“You’re a long way from the border,” Gwyn said, arms crossed over her chest. The man watched her for a moment, his amusement plain.
“What do you know about conflict in Avalon?”
Not much, admittedly. She’d never cared to, and it wasn’t like Eris shared with her. She was his obnoxious baby sister and not a trusted advisor. “What are you doing so far up north?”
“I’m looking for a princess,” he admitted, head cocked as he took her in. “The king sent me to retrieve her.”
Of fucking course he did. Gwyn blew out a breath. “He’s too good to come himself?”
He snorted a small laugh. “I suppose he’s quite busy with his soon-to-be-wife.”
“Wife?” she spluttered. “What woman in her right mind would marry Eris?”
The soldier laughed then, head tipping back as the throaty sound filled the small chamber. “I won’t tell him you said so,” he replied, wincing a little as he tried to draw a breath. “Princess.”
Gwyn only frowned. So Eris was getting married, and she was freed temporarily from exile. How very like him to send a messenger rather than fetch her himself. Gwyn swallowed the hurt, not wanting this man to see her anger. 
“I’ll tell him myself when we arrive. She must be out of options.”
“I hear she’s incredibly beautiful,” he countered, those eyes practically glowing feline in the dark. “And that he’s in love with her.”
“You must not know him well.” Eris wasn’t capable of love save for, perhaps, their mother. A wife, though? No, that was something political, an alliance that benefitted Eris so greatly he’d tie himself to the terms legally. Gwyn imagined she was likely beautiful and meek, the sort of woman that would stay out of his way. A woman he could discard without concern only to pick back up when she became necessary.
“Better than you think, princess,” the soldier countered. But Gwyn very much doubted that. This didn’t look like one of Eris’s personal guards, one of his most trusted. This looked like someone who could get stabbed on the side of the road without Eris caring too terribly much. Maybe he was hoping so he could snub Gwyn only to inform her he had sent someone, and how tragic that they’d never made it. Gwyn had enough of the entire thing.
“You should rest, then. It’s a long journey back to the palace.”
“Clotho was very kind, offering me this room. I offered to sleep in the stables.”
Gwyn didn’t care. She turned her back to him, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she went. She was too busy seething at Eris to fall on niceties. This was merely more proof that her family only ever saw her as a burden. It was only when she reached the door and heard the man groan again, settling back against that threadbare cot, that she wondered who he was.
“What’s your name, soldier?” she asked. 
There was a beat, and then— “Azriel,” he told her. Something in the air hummed for a moment before the world stilled again, some magic Gwyn didn’t recognize. Only the royals and the gods commanded magic—no simple soldier could have evoked such a response. It was merely a manifestation of her own anger or some desire to be more important than she was. The gods had long turned their gazes from her—had abandoned her entirely. 
“Sleep well, then, Az—” Gwyn choked on the name, unsure why she couldn’t say it. 
And maybe he knew it, because his mouth quirked to the side, even as he settled back to the bed, one hand on his bare stomach. Something about him seemed off—he didn’t look like Eris’s usual type. Though, to be fair, what did she really know about Eris anymore? Ever since their father died and he’d taken over, Eris was different. 
Maybe his soldiers were, too. 
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heartofbooksandtea · 1 month
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Guilty Pleasure
Wrote this a few weeks ago and thought I would write more but never did so here <3 Very slight hofas spoilers in the beginning so be warned.
2.3k words
Summary: Gwyn finds Az in the training ring to ask him a favor. He's taken by surprise, but obviously he can't deny her anything.
***
“I thought I might find you here,” Gwyn said, leaning against the archway that led into the training ring. Azriel spun around, seemingly surprised at her ability to sneak up on him. Twin daggers glinted in his hands, reflecting the moonlight that shone above them. Truth-Teller, safely returned to this world, was securely strapped to his thigh. 
Gwyn fought a smirk at the thought of how moody he’d been in the days without his favorite dagger to keep him company. As badly as she felt for him, it was simply too easy to tease him about having to sleep without his comfort weapon. 
“Berdara,” Azriel said, turning to throw the daggers at a target he’d set up at the other end of the ring. Of course, both landed dead center, the tips of the blades grazing each other in their proximity. Show-off. He turned back around with a slight twitch of his lips and made his way to the archway where Gwyn stood. “What can I do for you?”
Azriel’s shadows brought him a towel, one of them darting to graze Gwyn’s cheek before returning to lounge above the Shadowsinger’s wings. Azriel wiped the towel across the back of his neck, muscles flexing in his arm as he did so. Gwyn watched a bead of sweat slide down his forehead and temporarily forgot what she came here for. It was unfair, really, that she had never seen the male across from her have a bad day in the looks department. She’d seen him bloodied up and wincing in pain, yet that unnatural beauty never seemed to leave him. 
“Gwyneth?” Azriel hedged, still waiting for an answer to his question. She blinked a few times to clear her mind and scolded herself for getting so distracted. She straightened her spine and crossed her arms, still leaning against the archway and hoping she looked effortlessly confident instead of embarrassingly desperate to appear that way. 
“I have a proposition for you.” At his raised eyebrows, she amended, “Well, not a proposition exactly. A favor. Something I’d like you to help me with.” 
“A favor, huh? And what makes you so sure I’m the best person to ask? I’m sure Nesta or Emerie would be more than happy to help.”
“This isn’t the sort of thing they can help me with, I’m afraid. Not something I want them to help me with, at least.”
Azriel scanned her face, clearly intrigued but trying to hide it. He swiped that damned towel behind his neck once more before letting his shadows take it someplace else. With two steps, he was leaning against the opposite side of the archway with his back to the wall, mimicking her stance and forcing her to shift so she could look at him. 
“All right, I’ll bite. Though I make no promises that I’ll be of any help.”
Swallowing her nerve—and pride and embarrassment and fear—Gwyn stared into the shadowsinger’s hazel eyes and said “I wish to go to a pleasure hall. And I’d like you to take me.”
Based on the endless silence that now stretched between them, Gwyn was sure she’d broken Azriel. He stood unblinking for so long that she was tempted to reach out a finger and see if he would tip over like a statue. Cauldron, how would she explain to Rhysand why his infamous spymaster had malfunctioned?
“Shadowsinger?” Nothing. “Hello?” Nope. “Azriel?” Finally, a blink of recognition.
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you correctly,” he said, still frozen in place save for the muscles needed to blink and move his lips.
Gwyn couldn’t help the pang of satisfaction running through her at having taken him by surprise. It was her favorite pastime.
“I said, I’d like you to take me to a pleasure hall.”
“No. What? Why?” 
“I’m going to ignore that first part, and as I believe I’ve answered the second part twice now, I’ll move straight to the third. I’m sick of being stuck in this house and wondering what I’m missing out on. I read all these fascinating books about how pleasurable sex can be, and I’m ready to experience it for myself.”
Azriel finally seemed to shake himself out of his stupor, wings rustling slightly as he took in her words.
“I admire your honesty, Gwyn, but this isn’t the way you should venture into exploring your sexuality. Not with the kind of people who go to pleasure halls looking for nothing more than a quick fuck.”
“You visit them quite frequently, don’t you? So what does that say about you, then?”
“That’s different.”
“Why, because you’re male and feel some sort of moral superiority when it comes to sex? You’re allowed to seek it out if you wish but females can’t? Who are you having sex with then, Azriel, if not for the females visiting pleasure halls?” 
A feral smile took over Azriel’s face.
“If you must know, I’m not opposed to the occasional male partner, though I do much prefer the company of females.” She tried not to blush at that, though she knew she wasn’t succeeding. “And I’m not saying it’s different because I’m male. I’m saying it’s different because I have experience and it’s not anything special for me. It should be something special for you.”
Gwyn was sure her cheeks had turned even redder at this point, but they were now flushed with anger. He had no right to tell her what to do, and she deserved to make her own decisions. 
“And who are you to decide that? I didn’t have a say in how my first sexual encounter happened, and I will not apologize for wanting to have a say in how future encounters happen.” The shadows thickened around him at the mention of Sangravah, but he showed no reaction beyond that. “You males aren’t the only ones with needs and urges, Shadowsinger, and seeing how I don’t exactly have suitors lining up at my door to have sex with me, I’ve taken it upon myself to seek them out.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but Gwyn held up a hand.
“I’m not finished. I appreciate that you care about my feelings, I really do. But I’m an adult who can take her own feelings into consideration. I came to you because I know you frequent the pleasure halls in Velaris and I trust you—and, quite frankly, because I don’t think sex is worth walking down 10,000 steps for.”
“That’s entirely dependent on who you’re having sex with, Berdara,” he drawled. Gwyn rolled her eyes at his arrogance, ignoring the twisting in her gut at the sound of his voice. Was it just her imagination, or had it dropped even lower than usual?
“That’s the part of my grand speech that you’re choosing to focus on?” 
Azriel ran a hand through his hair and leaned his head back against the archway. She hadn’t exactly expected an enthusiastic yes, but he was putting up more resistance than expected. Maybe she’d completely misread their relationship. Shame slithered up her spine. 
Of course this was a mistake. He was likely debating how to let her down easy because he was far too considerate to be blunt with her and hurt her feelings in the process. She might as well save him the effort.
Gwyn pushed away from the archway, smoothing her hands over her robes to keep them from shaking. 
“You know what, forget I asked. I apologize if I made you uncomfortable. I’ll leave you to your training.” 
Before Gwyn could dwell on the fact that this conversation would haunt her for the foreseeable future, Az called her name and a scarred hand wrapped around her wrist. Her eyes shot up to meet his, and he immediately let go as if she’d burned him. His voice was soft as he said, “Wait.”
She absolutely could not deal with a pity party right now. Those were reserved for the comfort of her bedroom with a slice of cake and a smutty book by her side.
“Shadowsinger, it’s okay—”
“You don't even know what I was going to say.”
“It’s written all over your face.”
“I’ve spent centuries making sure emotions don’t show on my face.”
“Well you’ve got a few more centuries of training ahead of you then because it’s always clear to me what you’re thinking. Especially when you’re trying to hide it.” 
At this point it would just be easier to swallow her tongue entirely. Why did she have such a big mouth? She could never filter her words around the male in front of her, and it bothered her to no end.
Something sparkled in Azriel’s eyes, though, and he barked out a laugh. It seemed to take him by surprise as much as it did her, and he ran a hand down his face. Shadows twirled at the sound. He shook his head slowly.
“You’re something else, Berdara,” he said. “Look, do I think it’s a little crazy that you want to visit a pleasure hall of all places? Yes, I do. But I agree that it would be good for you to get back out into the world, and I think you’re brave for wanting to do it.” Azriel took a step closer to her, studying her face. 
“Thank you?” she whispered.
His lips tipped up at the corners ever so slightly.
“I’ll take you.” Gwyn wasn’t sure if she was breathing at that point. Sure, this was always the goal, but now that it was within reach it scared the hell out of her. She wouldn’t deny her attraction to Azriel, but it wasn’t something she’d ever allowed herself to act on for fear of damaging their friendship. He was too important to her. She’d thought that convincing him to take her to a pleasure hall would help her get over him and, well, under someone else, but the prospect of being in a room that promised sin and sex with the male she needed to get over suddenly didn’t sound so appealing. And she was realizing that this might have been a massive mistake.
“Azriel—”
“I’ll take you,” he repeated, then walked towards the target at the end of the training ring. He pulled out the daggers still lodged perfectly in the center and twirled them in his hands. “If you can make this throw.”
Despite her doubts, Gwyn couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of her. If there was one thing she’d never be able to pass up, it was a challenge. Part of her wanted to be a coward and miss the target deliberately so she could take the easy way out and forget this night ever happened, but the bigger part of her knew she’d never forgive herself for the self sabotage. There was a reason she’d come to him in the first place, and she refused to question her choice any further. 
With a smirk that adorned her face often in the Shadowsinger’s company, Gwyn strode towards him. He was still twirling the blades when she held out her hand expectantly. Amusement sparked in his eyes, and he presented the daggers to her with a dramatic bow. 
“You are the most insufferable male I have ever met,” she said, taking the blades from his outstretched hands. He gave her a wink, and her stomach fluttered. “Where would you like me to throw from?”
His reply was a look that said What do you think? She groaned internally but straightened her shoulders and made her way to the opposite end of the ring where he’d been standing when she first came up here. Azriel positioned himself back in front of the archway, halfway between the target and where Gwyn now stood. 
He gestured a hand toward the target, giving her the go-ahead whenever she was ready. 
“Both blades?” she asked.
“Both blades,” he replied.
Humph. Worth a shot. 
She took a deep breath and drew back her arm, then exhaled with the release of the first dagger. It flew in a flawless arc towards the target, embedding itself dead-center. She glanced to her left to gauge Azriel’s reaction, but he tried hard to remain stone faced. A gleam in his eyes gave him away. His shadows swirled around his wings and over his crossed arms. 
Azriel glared pointedly at the dagger still in her other hand, indicating the battle was only half won. She copied his little blade-spinning trick from earlier before moving the knife to her throwing hand. Another glance in the Shadowsinger’s direction revealed a small smile blooming on his face. He’d taught her that maneuver when she’d asked him to go over dagger-handling with her in private. Definitely useless in battle but extremely fun to do.
She was waiting for him to scold her for using the same hand for both throws instead of proving that she’d worked on learning to use her left arm for throwing in case of injury to her right arm, but he either didn’t notice or decided to give her this small advantage. Likely the latter, given his title as spymaster. There was little the male didn’t notice.
Gwyn didn’t let herself overthink as she drew her arm back once more and hurled the dagger down the same path as its twin. 
Now, she knew she was good. She’d trained tirelessly to get to where she was today, and she was proud of her progress. She knew that she could trust in muscle memory and skill at this point in her training to do what needed to be done.
Still, she couldn’t help the way her jaw dropped slightly as that dagger sank into the target next to the one already embedded there, positioned perfectly side by side.
A shadow darted over to the blades, dancing around them.
The breath knocked out of her at the sight of the pure pride shining from Azriel. He held her stare and gave a slight nod, lips tugging up on one side.
“Just tell me when, Berdara, and I’ll be there.”
After one last look at the daggers, Gwyn strode over to the archway. She clapped Azriel on the shoulder and said, “See you tomorrow, Shadowsinger.”
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meldarkthrop · 23 hours
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"They call Azriel's behaviour as entitlement towards Elain, yet they ship him with Gwyn! Make it make sense."
Okay. Let's play 'Count the red flags' game!
• Azriel in BC part 1 with Elain:
- envious of his brothers having mates
- uses the 3x3 logic 🚩
- demands why he wasn't given the ' third one' 🚩🚩🚩 (take 3 flags, Az)
- shocks and makes even Rhys pale with his audacity
- dodged the question about Mor 🚩
- arrogantly speaks for Elain, trashes Lucien unnecessarily 🚩🚩
- admits in his thoughts that he hasn't thought of Elain beyond sexual fantasies 🚩
Red flag count: 8
Nearly every thought or action of Azriel that I've added a red flag emoji to, is a result of his obsession with wanting a mate.
Azriel views Elain with the 'mate obsessed' lens. Rhys once said that Azriel would've been asking the question why Mor wasn't his mate for centuries. It's safe to say that he had earlier hoped that Mor would be his mate. After he sees Cass and Rhys officially end up with two Archeron sisters as mates, he immediately jumps ship out of desperation. From mere physical attraction to Elain, to insisting she could be his mate. (Note how he ignored the Mor question from Rhys. A sign he's dodging. A sign he knows he's being irrational.)
• Azriel's BC part 2 with Gwyn:
Enter Gwyneth Berdara.
- They banter
- Something restless in him settles
- His shadows dance to her breath
- She makes him laugh and takes him by surprise
- He finds her irreverence charming
- He reveals he sings
- He visualizes her teal blue eyes lighting up and smiles
- His chest sparks at the image
- He buries the image down deep in his chest, where it glows
- A thing of secret, lovely beauty.
Count the red flags.
....That's right. There are none!
Because Azriel does NOT view Gwyn with the 'mate obsessed' lens. Every action or thought of his, flows naturally, with no inferiority complex or desperation. Therefore, Azriel's toxicity from the first half is glaringly absent.
And this is obvious. Because with Gwyn? He would not be obsessing whether or not she's his mate. He would get to know her (they've already laid the foundation), he would become friends with her, fall for her and be taken by surprise later. I think that's crucial to his arc as well, knowing that love comes before a mating bond.
That is one of the reasons we ship him with Gwyn. Because the glimpses we get of him during every single one of their interactions? It's wonderful.
Because I remember reading the BC and feeling uncomfortable with the first half. At how horrid Az sounded. Then came the second half where there was a drastic shift in tone.
That's where it clicked: This. This is what he is like when he isn't obsessing over something in an unhealthy way. Give us more of that!
It all makes sense. Combine it with all the Gwynriel moments and hints scattered here and there in ACOSF, you have the endgame. ✨
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sunshinebingo · 2 months
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@gwynrielweeksofficial Day 6 - Mates
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Synopsis: More than a year after what happened at Sangravah, Gwyn finally finds the courage to meet with her saviour and reveal a secret that she has been carrying with her.
Word Count: 1.7k
Read on Ao3
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Gwyn stood before the wide-open window of a cosy sitting room in the House of Wind. The sky was more beautiful from this window than from the smaller one in her tiny room in the library several levels beneath. Even the grey clouds were a welcomed sight when one had spent more than a year being buried in a mountain with little to no contact with the outside world. For a moment, she forgot the nerves that had almost paralysed her earlier and had almost made her go back on her decision. But like the single ray of sunlight peaking through the heavy clouds, Gwyn’s resolve burned bright.
Just when she started thinking that she could use this time to rehearse the words she had so thoroughly practiced in front of her mirror, a knock sounded at the door, drawing a gasp out of her and pulling her eyes back inside. She suddenly regretted not taking Clotho on her offer of being present in the room with her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in as she remembered her own words to the High Priestess. “I can do this. I need to this. It has to be me,’’ she repeated to herself.
The person on the other side of the door knocked again. Gwyn fisted the fabric of her blue priestess robe in hopes that it would conceal the trembling of her hands. She cleared her throat and answered with a, ‘’Come in,’’ that she hoped was loud enough for the person to hear. It felt odd to give someone permission to enter a space that was not even her own. But when had she ever had a space of her own?
She heard the door opening with a slowness that did nothing to calm her. It only got worse when she turned around and beheld him. He was the same as he was when she first saw him all that time ago. It was the same face and the same wind-swept raven hair that often appeared in her dreams. She also recalled those lips that had mouthed a barely audible but still reassuring, “You’re safe”. Even his hazel eyes held the same tenderness that they had when he had wrapped his cloak around her then. She suspected that it was not the fact that she had a pretty good memory but something else that had made it impossible for her to forget a single inch of him. His glorious wings were tucked close to his body and his shadows seemed less frantic than she remembered them being that day. The dark wisps were lighter and remained closer to their master, though she swore that a few were trying to make their way to her. She was not scared of them. She felt like it was impossible for her to fear them and their master.
‘’Hello, Azriel.’’
He stood at the door, a hand still on the knob. If it wasn’t for the proximity between the window and the entrance, Gwyn probably wouldn’t have been able to feel his surprise at seeing her here. She did not know how much the High Lord had told his Spymaster about this meeting or if he had even warned him of who had wanted to speak with him.
‘’Hello, Gwyneth.’’
A shudder ran through her at the sound of her name coming out of his lips. He remembered her name. He remembered her. Gwyn stored that little information to the back of her mind, in the place where she kept everything she knew about him. Like she often did when the memories of that day plagued her, she held onto the sound of his deep, warm voice and let it anchor her.
‘’Rhys informed me that someone wanted to speak with me. I did not expect it to be you,’’ he said, running a hand through his messy hair. He looked as though he had just came back from flying. There was a hint of something in him – nervousness, shyness or cautiousness, she couldn’t tell for sure.
‘’Yes um… I…,’’ Gwyn rambled as she fidgeted with a button on her robe. Her eyes darted from the floor to anywhere else around the room. Azriel remained still with his hands at his side. ‘’I’m sure you must be busy and I’m sorry that I am taking your time but you see…’’
She took a deep a breath in and dared to look upon his face. ‘’Thank you.’’
Azriel’s eyebrows went up. His mouth opened to speak but Gwyn did not let him. Her first words were out and the others were right behind. She needed to talk now before the strong emotions building inside her froze her – before she acknowledged the others that were faintly thrumming inside her. She took a decisive step towards the Shadowsinger, her head held high despite her knees threatening to buckle and bring her down.
“I wanted to thank you. For saving me at Sangravah. I know you were just doing your job and that I was certainly just another victim to you –”
“Gwyneth,” he stopped her and took a hesitant step forward. “Please do not speak about yourself like that. You were very brave that day. Not everyone would have been able to do what you did. And you don’t have to thank me.”
It was the most that she had ever heard him speak. It sealed her belief that no other living being’s voice could seep so deep beneath her skin. That was another thing that she would torment herself with later. Thinking over what he just said, Gwyn decided that now was not the time to reveal how she truly felt about her supposed bravery and heroic deeds. Everything she did was out of fear and with the hope of keeping the others alive. None of those had been enough to protect her sister. And now was not the time to talk about her biggest failure.
“I do,” she insisted. “And I also have to apologise.”
His surprise was very visible on his face this time. She did not give him time to cut her off again. Gwyn held on to the fickle hope that he would understand. She took another step towards him. Because she was not afraid of him. And because she owed him the truth.
“Before you came that day, I was certain that I was about to die. I was already dead in my mind. When the room darkened,” she explained, looking up at the shadows and recalling the fog they had created around her, “I was convinced that it was death coming to claim me. Then I heard a hum echoing in the dark. For a moment, it blocked out the sound of the screaming around.”
Gwyn swore that she was hearing that hum again but wasn’t sure if it was from recalling it or if it was actually happening now. She noticed that Azriel was watching her with curious eyes. She ignored the faint music and focused on what she needed to say.
“That humming, that voice, it grew louder and louder in my head. And when I saw you...”
She took another step forward. “When I looked into your eyes, I felt something...snap.”
Gwyn felt her heart stop. But being only a few steps away from him, she was convinced that it wasn’t her heartbeat that had faltered. She looked into his eyes as he stared at her in shock. The shadows around him had gone still with a few still trying to approach her.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
Gwyn felt a burning in her eyes as tears started to pool there. She gathered all the courage she had left and moved even closer to him. Slowly, so slowly so as to give him time to pull away, she dared to take one of his hands in hers. He flinched at the first contact but remained where he stood. Gwyn ran her fingers on the hand that she remembered by heart and traced the scars there like she already knew their exact pattern. Azriel looked down at their joined hands, his body stiff.
“I hope that one day you can forgive me for not telling you sooner. I was so scared,” she continued, her voice on the verge of breaking. “I know all the rumours about you and the infamous reputation that you have.”
She didn’t know that it was possible for him to go even more still. Gwyn feared that he might faint or just fall and shatter like glass. The feeble thread inside her thrummed faster.
“But I also know that you are so much more than that. I have seen it when you saved me. And I can feel it,” she added with a hand placed on her heart.
Azriel’s eyes raised to look into hers. He remained silent. But Gwyn felt the way he gently squeezed her hand. A tear rolled down her cheek. Gwyn let it. She took another deep breath, determined to tell him everything she had to before she lost her ability to speak. She only had to wait a few moments more before she could lock herself in her bedroom and cry herself to sleep like she so often did.
“I wish for you to find someone who is truly deserving of you. Someone who is not broken like me. Someone who can match your beauty and strength and your courage. Someone who will see all of you.”
She let go of his hand and placed hers on his chest. This would probably be the last opportunity that she would have to be this close to him. With that in mind, Gwyn raised herself on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.
“You deserve so much more than me. I’m sorry.”
She didn’t give herself time to examine what the look on his face meant. She didn’t even stay to hear what he had to say. With tears running down her face, Gwyn walked past him and left the room. If she had stayed a second longer, she would have been there when Azriel fell to his knees. She would have seen him place the hand she had held in hers on his chest, precisely where her own had been, and right where he felt something started thrumming in his heart.
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I think Meghan’s frustrated because her level has some pretty popular people already. It’s crowded. To be honest I think the Gaines have a large % followed by a few other target brands. She’d rather be a target brand not a tjmaxx because tjmaxx buys left over inventory that doesn’t sell. Target is still affordable and I think those in her circle are far more willingly to say they go to target than Walmart to tjmaxx. That’s what bothers her.
I also don’t think she was prepared to launch when she did. It was a quick rash reaction that felt more like turning lover an “I’m open for business sign” than anything else. Her ego got the best of her .
Yep, that's the other pitfall of being so focused on immediate gratification: you have beer goggles on. You don't see your competitors for who they really are - you only see what they have that you don't or their flaws that you think you can do better.
If Meghan really cared about Roop, she'd have paid attention to the market research that her partners (and yes, she has partners, even if no one will admit it) and WME did. That market research would have told her exactly who her competitors are, that she has one shot to get this right, and precisely what shot to take and when to take it.
And let's be honest. Her competitors aren't Gwyneth Paltrow (Goop), Reese Witherspoon (Kohls), and Martha Stewart (Macys, Penneys, and Amazon). They aren't even the Gaines/Magnolia (Target), Pioneer Woman (Walmart), and Rae Dunn (TJ Maxx/HomeGoods).
Her competitors are all the other socialites out there launching their own wellness and lifestyle brands. Bravolebrities. Tiktokers. Instagram influencers. People who have such a niche fanbase from 5 minutes in the spotlight with print-on-demand merch. In effect, personality-driven brands that lack substance.
And those brands don't usually do well, because they always overshoot their market and target the wrong audience. There's nothing wrong with being a TJX brand or a department store brand or a "Middle America" brand. Plenty of people have made really good fortunes and livings from it, but only because they were realistic and clear about their expectations and knew it would take time to get the empire they wanted.
And since anon mentioned The Gaines, I have a feeling that's who Meghan intends to come after. They're in Texas (where the Sussexes have been spending time). Tall, leggy, thick-bouncy-dark brown/black hair-for-days, biracial homemaker guru wife with a doofus goofy ginger husband. Their brand (Magnolia Home) is a kind of rustic, vintage, comfort memory that ARO/Roop's video mimicked. They've got that kind of ordinary everyday Americanness that (kind of) competes with William and Kate's kind of ordinary everyday Britishness that Meghan couldn't break.
But here's the thing about Chip and Joanna. They didn't just pop up out of nowhere. I know it feels like they did, but they didn't. They put 10 years of blood and sweat equity into the Waco (Texas) home construction and design world before HGTV even knew that they existed. What has Meghan done that's even comparable? Sure, she got her own doofus ginger but that's it. That's where the comparisons end. And honestly there's no comparison between Chip and Harry either, because Chip comes out ahead by a million points by just being able to replace his own burnt-out lightbulb.
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jaim-inhothekid · 5 months
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⛧︎ 𝐓𝐡𝐲 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞
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[ W.C ! ] : 900
[ Summary ! ] : You come back home to Mihawk after a close call while exploring the sea, he has a thing or two to say about your new wound | GN!Reader ; Protective Mihawk
⌗ ✎ Author's Note : this was originally a trade piece for the lovely @rainfallinthevoid and her oc Gwyneth!! The trade was hosted on my one piece server <3
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Upon approaching the darkness of Kuraigana, you sighed a breath of relief. The tenebrous atmosphere of the island was seen as oppressive to most – understandably so – the skies had a perpetuous dusk that made even the brightest of sunny days eerily dull, the ruins of the fallen kingdom that had once taken place in the island, tarnished the scenery with it's war struck wreckages. Nothing in the gloomy land came remotely close to being welcoming, but despite all odds, you felt more at home in the macabre surroundings than anywhere else.
You grazed your fingertips over the bloodied wound on your throat, annoyance immediately clouding your thoughts. The cut was shallow enough to not be worth any actual concern, but the fact that you let yourself be caught in such a close call even with your level of experience in exploring the seas left a small dent in your pride.
‘It's going to leave a scar.’ You thought, exhaling a frustrated huff from your nose. You adjusted the collar of your jacket over your neck and picked up the pace in the direction of the castle.
The building overshadows everything around it with looming towers several meters high, spires pointed sharp as if they were built with the intent of ripping the skies apart. The tall lancet windows were placed by the walls grouped in odd numbers, with the tallest window placed in the center, right above the heavy wooden gates of the entry. The stained glasses followed each other in the way the figures of a book would, each of the windows held a fragment of a scenery and together they formed a story. Of queens and kings and kingdoms that have fallen from grace and were now no more. You took a minute to admire the ornate gothic architecture, reminding yourself yet again of why you're so fond of the place.
You push at the wooden gates, which emitted a low groan of protest from its rusty hinges. “Mihawk?” You call, wandering by the torch lit hallways until you reach the main room. “I'm back”.
“I heard” Came the response from the chair facing opposite from you, not bothered enough to turn to face you, Mihawk merely tilted his head in your direction in acknowledgment of your presence. You hum, walking past his chair to pour yourself a glass of wine.
“Started without me? For shame,” You tsked light heartedly, looking at Mihawk from over your shoulder – the older man showed a ghost of a smile, without looking away from his glass “Where's your manners?” Pouring yourself the wine, You swirled the liquid in the glass before taking a sip. You walked towards Mihawk's chair, sitting on its cushioned arm.
“I've forgotten them, I'm afraid–” Mihawk sighed, sliding a hand over your thigh affectionately, rubbing the flesh with his thumb, “I'm not known for showing the most hospitality for intruders who drain my cellar and make a mess of my books”
“Oh, you're terrible,” you huffed, rolling your eyes at Mihawk's on point delivery of sarcasm – who had the gall to remain stonily stoic. You decided to simply ignore the comment about the cellar. “I never mess up your b—”
You were silenced by Mihawk's hand going to cup your neck, instinctively tilting your head to make room for his palm. Mihawk slid his hand over your neck and combed your hair away from her throat, planting his palm firmly on your nape to keep the strands in place and your throat bared.
“Who did this to you?”
You suppressed a shudder at the sheer seriousness of his tone. You merely averted your gaze to a random point of the room, hoping to avoid the conversation. “I already had it”
“You know better than to lie to me,” Mihawk said, glaring up at you with that scorching gaze of his, voice uncharacteristically strained. “I know every inch of your body, and I know that scar wasn't there before” Mihawk took a deep breath, his serious facade never crumbling, but still noticeably cracking from his anger “... The least I expect is that the culprit was dealt with accordingly.”
“You know he did,” you agreed, cupping Mihawk's wrist gently – you gazed deep into his eyes, and in those scalding golden irises you could find the hint of concern Mihawk wouldn't allow himself to demonstrate “I appreciate you caring, but I can handle myself”
Mihawk hummed, swiping his thumb gently over the cut to test its shallowness, he let go of your nape and focused back on his glass, as if the interaction didn't even happen in the first place. Mihawk was a mysterious one, of many micro expressions and secretive gestures, like a suspense book you don't fully understand from the first or second and maybe nor even the third time you read. Lucky for you, you have always been good at catching the easily missed details.
“I don't any low-life thinking they can shed your blood and walk away unscathed, is all” Mihawk concluded, turning his gaze away from you to look at one of the windows. Oh, is he embarrassed ? He must be, being caught showing that he cares like that. He didn't even try to deny your words when you thanked him for caring.
How oddly sweet.
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velidewrites · 2 months
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Breaking Point
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Six months after Catrin Berdara is presumed dead, Gwyneth abandons the Erudites in search for answers. Knowing there is only one faction with the ability to take her over the spiked fence that shields their world from the truth, she does not hesitate to spill her blood over the burning coals at the Choosing Ceremony. But to be taken over the Fence, Gwyneth must first pass Initiation—and, unfortunately for her, one of the Dauntless squad leaders seems hell-bent on making her life all the more difficult.
Pairing: Azriel x Gwyneth Berdara
Tags: Divergent AU
Notes: I was going to post this yesterday when I realised Divergent was released exactly 10 years ago today! If you were as obsessed with this series as me, welcome to the chaos. This fic was inspired by me seeing a tiktok of the knife throwing scene and thought oh yeah this is Gwynriel at its peak.
This is baby's very first Gwynriel and my humble contribution for @gwynrielweeksofficial! Thank you to @azrielshadowssing @ablogofsapphicpanic @octobers-veryown for being such patient betas and to @damedechance for being so brilliant and coming up with this title for me.
Before you proceed, please be advised of the TW for past SA.
Read on AO3 or continue to Chapter 1 below!
Gwyneth Berdara was risking her life, and it was the most exhilarating thing in the world.
Her sister’s ice-cold hand on her mouth had snapped her awake, and it had only been thanks to her quick “Shush!” that Gwyneth managed to stifle the scream in her throat. It had not been the first time Catrin woke her up in the dead of the night—still, their routine had never quite made either of them loose the reins on her instincts.
Catrin’s eyes had glinted like onyx as she’d quickly prompted Gwyneth to get up and get dressed. The nights were shorter during the summer, which made the next few hours all the more precious. The truck had already been waiting, parked two blocks west—only two minutes on foot if they kept a fast pace.
Gwyneth could see the urgency painted on her sister’s features, yet it had nothing on the excitement that had her leg bouncing near the doorway to their dorm. It had lit up her entire face like moonlight, all the dark heaviness of the risk they were taking skittering away at the sight. It was contagious enough that Gwyneth, too, had found herself smiling—a smile that lingered even as they’d made their way down the pristine white hallways of the Academy.
Frankly, she had never quite figured out who in Campus Security Catrin had managed to bribe. The only thing either of them had was each other, a fact that Catrin often joked would make them the perfect fit for Abnegation once they turned twenty-one. Gwyneth could see her sister there—could see her spilling her blood on the smooth, grey stones and devoting her life in the service of others. Not Gwyneth, though. She had always thought herself too selfish—too selfish to abandon the Academy and all the knowledge it contained. At heart, after all, Gwyneth was—and always had been—an Erudite.
It was only one of their differences. From the day Gwyneth and Catrin were born, people had a hard time believing the two of them were twins. Catrin’s eyes were darker than the depths of the ocean the city bordered, her hair a similar black and her skin pale as milk. Gwyneth’s eyes were the sort of teal their ocean never saw, not even now, when the sun blazed right above it every day. She enjoyed the way it reflected in coppery brown waves, though, and the way it brought out the freckles on her face.
But as Gwyneth moved carefully behind Catrin, her every step falling right into her sister’s quiet shadow, she forgot about everything that divided them. In this—the excitement of the rebellion, the danger of the risk—in this, they were the same.
The drive to Amity had been almost entirely silent save for the crunchy gravel of the road as they exited the city. Even so, she could make out Catrin’s grin in the shadows of the cargo bed, could hear the gentle tapping of her still-bouncing leg.
If anyone in the Erudites found out about their nightly escapades, Gwyneth and Catrin would be dead—or worse, subjected to whatever classified research the Erudite leadership was undergoing at the headquarters. Only the most brilliant of the Academy students were allowed to apply for their stewardship—to watch and observe. To learn, the way the customs of their factions demanded.
Gwyneth had no interest in aiming for the top floors of the HQ. There, she would have likely been guarded—supervised—every hour of every day. Catrin, if she would be allowed to see her beyond Visiting Days at all, would no longer be a constant in her life, their monthly drives to the farmlands beyond the Fence only a distant memory. It was why Gwyneth sometimes doubted herself. An Erudite without ambition, after all, was like a Dauntless without courage, an Abnegation without people to serve. Useless.
Studying alongside the most illustrious of her faction was perhaps the greatest ambition of all, but Gwyneth was happy to remain at the Academy, to learn and contribute in whatever ways she could, all while retaining the little pieces of herself she still owned. To think such thoughts was to betray the Erudite virtues, constantly in pursuit of wisdom and intelligence. It was a fear that lingered somewhere deep in her chest every night she and Catrin ventured out to the unknown.
She tried to dwindle it, though, as she now danced around the bonfire near Sector Five’s stables. One of the Amity girls, dressed in yellows and oranges as dictated by the Amity fashion, had grabbed her by the hand and dragged her into her circle of friends, her laughter rising over the crackling flames. Sometimes, Gwyneth wondered what it would be like to be a part of that—part of the Peaceful, the Kind.
She couldn’t imagine a life free of worry, a life dedicated to preserving what remained of their destroyed world’s nature without questioning its past. And while the joy on the Amity girl’s face felt true, Gwyneth couldn’t help but feel like right now, she was living a lie.
“Have you seen my sister?” she shouted over the fire, the music a small guitar band had begun playing a few minutes ago. She had not seen Catrin since the Solstice celebrations started—since all of Sector Five had gathered to honour the end of the longest day of the year.
The girl shook her head, the fire dancing in her brown eyes. “I’m sure she’s with Clare,” she replied with a smile. Then, she winked, “I’d avoid the stables, if I were you.”
Gwyneth blinked. “Clare?”
The smile quickly faded from the girl’s pretty face. “Oh,” she said, her shoulders deflating slightly as she halted mid-dance. “You didn’t know?”
She must’ve had the surprise written all over her face, and Gwyneth schooled her features back into that light, free-of-any-worry-in-the-world expression she knew would help her avoid suspicion. “Oh, Clare! Of course,” she lied. “Sorry. It’s been a long night.”
The girl waved a hand. “I get it. The way they keep you under watch back in the city is ridiculous to me.” She angled her head, that brown gaze studying her with mild curiosity. “How old are you, again?” she asked.
“I’ll be twenty-one in a few months.”
She clasped her hands together, her whole face lighting up at Gwyneth’s answer. “Ah, you haven't Chosen yet!” she exclaimed. “You always have a place here—we’d welcome you with open arms.”
“I doubt my results will sort me into Amity,” Gwyneth said truthfully.
The corner of her mouth twitched. “Well,” the girl said, leaning conspiratorially over her shoulder, “I know we’re all supposed to follow the Aptitude Test’s recommendations, of course.” She tilted her chin towards the dancing group before them—to the truck still parked in the distance. “Something tells me, though, that you’ve never been one to follow the rules, anyway.”
Gwyneth followed her gaze—but words died on her tongue before she managed to answer.
There she was—Catrin, sitting with her back resting against one of the truck’s large wheels, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees. Alone.
“Excuse me,” she said to the girl, and moved towards her sister without so much as a goodbye. It wasn’t as she, or any of her Amity friends, would ever take offense—they simply returned to their dancing, the band’s song slowly fading into the distance as Gwyneth kept on walking.
Catrin’s eyes were fixed on the fire even as Gwyneth took her seat on the cold ground beside her.
“Where’s Clare?” she asked, unable to keep the hurt from her voice. There had never been any secrets between them—whatever there was to face in this world, they had always faced it together.
But Catrin simply smiled, her gaze sad, somehow, as she said quietly, “Look at them, Gwyneth. Look at all the dancing—the singing. They’re all smiling.” Finally, Catrin peeled her gaze off the scene to meet her own. “Do you think it’s real?”
There was something in her sister’s tone that made Gwyneth pause—something so unbearably raw it made Gwyneth shelve all her questions in the back of her mind and consider.
She looked towards the celebrating crowds. “I think they believe it is.”
Catrin rasped a laugh. “Yeah. I think so, too.”
Gwyneth placed a hand over her sister’s. As gently as she could, she asked, “Why do you ask, Catrin?”
Her gaze dropped to her feet. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Clare,” she said, and it wasn’t lost on Gwyneth how she’d avoided her question in favour of another. “Dating outside our own factions is forbidden, and I suppose…” Her throat bobbed. “I supposed I didn’t want to burden you with the secret.”
She was so unlike the Catrin from a few hours ago that Gwyneth felt her own throat burning, all the excitement they’d shared earlier fading into the night along with the bonfire smoke.
The question nearly forced itself onto Gwyneth’s lips—what changed?—but instead, she managed, “You could never burden me, Catrin.” Then, “I didn’t mean to pry. If she makes you happy, then that is all I need to know.”
Slowly, Catrin turned to face her again. “She makes me happy,” she whispered. “Very much.”
Gwyneth smiled. “Good.” She squeezed Catrin’s hand. “No secrets, remember?”
Perhaps it was the smoke carried by the summer breeze, or the late hour catching up with Catrin at last, but Gwyneth could’ve  sworn she saw silver gleam in her sister’s eyes as she said, “Yeah. No secrets.”
***
Catrin’s funeral took place midday, and it rained the entire time.
Erudites had never been too spiritual in nature, and saw death simply as the time for the mind to finally rest. As such, there were no celebrations of the life she had lived like the ones held in Amity—no formal burials with lengthy speeches from Candor’s government officials, either. It was, perhaps, the one thing where Erudites and Abnegations found common ground—in the lack of spectacle surrounding their funerals. In Abnegation, death was only a tragedy because it meant an end to one’s servitude.
Gwyneth watched as her sister’s casket was covered by a deep-blue sheet, the colour slowly darkening as it soaked up the pouring rain. The entire Academy had gathered to watch it being lowered into the city’s foundations—to symbolise the collective knowledge upon which it was built, if nothing else. One of the Erudite representatives then murmured a few words about the tragedy Catrin’s death was, and the new, stricter regulations the labs would be implementing to prevent anything like this from happening ever again.
Gwyneth had not been invited to say a few words. The Erudite virtues did not speak of emotional attachment, of the importance of sentiment. Catrin’s pursuit of knowledge may have ended, but Gwyneth’s…Gwyneth’s had only just begun.
She was not permitted to look upon her twin’s face for the final time, either. The stone casket seemed impenetrable from where she stood, one lone student in the sea of blue umbrellas and Academy uniforms. It was not like Gwyneth would have asked to see her, either. Whatever spirit of rebellion had lived inside her before, it died today—watching its counterpart disappear beneath the ground.
As the plates of the burial site began closing in on each other, though, ready to swallow Catrin for the rest of time, something shifted—like a spark in the air, charging the weather with lightning. Gwyneth’s shoulders tensed as she braced herself for impact.
And then, someone screamed.
All one hundred—perhaps more—Erudite heads snapped towards the sound, some of the faces immediately twisting in a grimace, some in curiosity. Gwyneth’s eyes, though, only widened in shock, her mouth parting slightly as she realised who the voice belonged to—who had just lunged onto the stage, her orange dress muddy and torn.
Clare Beddor’s tears blended into the rain as she reached for the Erudite representative, her expression so wild and pained that Gwyneth felt it in her own already shredded heart. Even through the hauling rain, through the thunder booming somewhere in the distance, she could hear Clare’s words as clear as the day she had last seen her lover. Could hear the accusation that would get her reunited with Catrin at last.
“MURDERERS!” Clare yelled, the crowd gasping in unison. “You’re all murderers!”
Everything happened so quickly after that.
Someone had grabbed Clare from behind—one of the junior HQ researchers, a Dauntless transfer if his large, muscular frame was any indication—and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back with the kind of force that should’ve hauled her off the stage. But Clare kept on fighting, kept on kicking and screaming and digging her nails into the man’s forearms, leaving long, bloodied streaks splitting his tattoos. Still, the man did not let go.
Only when the rain began to leave the taste of salt in Gwyneth’s mouth did she realise she was crying, too. She watched as Clare was dragged off the stage and shoved into a sleek, black car—Candor, Gwyneth noted immediately—which appeared seemingly out of nowhere. She watched as it drove off, too, as the Erudite representative apologised for the intrusion and once again reiterated the tragedy of the incident before ordering all of Catrin’s fellow students to return to their daily obligations.
But Clare’s words lingered even as the crowd dissipated, echoing between the glass Erudite buildings before settling right in Gwyneth’s chest. 
Murderers. Murderers. Murderers.
When the rhythm of her heart started to beat alongside the syllables, alongside the truth Gwyneth had thought no one else believed in, that rebellion inside her reignited—blazed, like the fire she had danced to in Amity two weeks ago.
She wasn’t insane. She was not paranoid, and Clare all but confirmed it.
Catrin Berdara had been murdered. When and how—it did not matter.
The only question that mattered was why.
And Gwyneth was going to find the answer.
***
SIX MONTHS LATER
Compared to her old Academy dorm, Gwyneth’s apartment at the Erudite Headquarters felt ridiculously empty.
Truthfully, she had not exactly put any effort into decorating it in the past two months. The walls remained white and untainted by the vibrant prints and watercolour paintings she and Catrin used to sneak into the Academy from Amity. The entire space was simply occupied by her bed, wardrobe, and desk. The latter, at least, was filled with enough books to let the average visitor know someone was, in fact, living in this place.
Gwyneth had shoved one of those books into her bag before leaving, along with some crumpled papers containing notes she could hardly remember writing last night. It must have been well past three in the morning when she’d finally finished, but when it came to her supervisor, Gwyneth always prioritised being sleep deprived over unprepared.
Not that anyone had ever acknowledged her efforts, though. Her supervisor just so happened to be the Erudite representative, the faction’s very leader and the main voice advising their Candor-comprised government. It was a great privilege, Gwyn had always told the other graduates, making sure to dip her head an inch and blush slightly as she lied: I was certain it was a mistake, but Merrill was really impressed with my dissertation, it seems.
Gwyneth’s Academy dissertation just so happened to align perfectly with the Erudite’s research—a coincidence, and, of course, a great privilege. Gwyn had been planning to teach at the Academy post-graduation—that much, at least, was the truth—but when the HQ had made her an offer, she simply could not refuse.
She was the envy of other HQ graduate researchers, which was definitely one downside in the grand scheme of things. Gwyneth had been prepared for the attention, but the amount of eyes turned towards her in every lab, every hallway, was certainly making things…difficult.
After all, no one at HQ could ever suspect why Gwyneth Berdara, a previous history major, had suddenly taken up interest in genetics—why her dissertation, initially on the history of the Erudite faction, had suddenly shifted focus onto Aptitude Tests in the final two months of her studies at the Academy. No one could quite figure how, exactly, she had managed to produce a report worthy of the attention of the Head Erudite herself.
That part, Gwyneth did not have to lie about, either. She was an Erudite. She studied—she sought the knowledge and acquired it.
Getting to the HQ was the easiest part of her plan. Getting out of it, however, was going to prove a lot more…difficult.
There was one other thing cluttering her desk, its silver gleam drawing her eye before she finally made her way to leave. Gwyneth picked up the lighter, the metal cold against her skin, and pushed the small lever down with her thumb.
The flame came to life in Gwyneth’s hand, and she watched as it danced playfully in the air. All of her belongings, all the Amity posters and photos she had taken over the years—they were memories too painful to bring along for her final act of rebellion. The lighter, though, was the one thing of her own she’d allowed herself—she had purchased it on her first day at the HQ despite the voice of reason protesting in her mind.
“I’m almost there, Catrin,” she whispered to the little bonfire in her palm. “I’m almost there.”
With that, the lighter disappeared in the folds of her lab coat, and Gwyneth did not spare another look at the empty apartment as she made her way out.
Lost in her thoughts, Gwyneth hadn’t even realised she’d already made it to her supervisor’s office.
“You’re late,” Merril said in her usual manner of greeting.
 “I’m sorry. I’ve been preparing for tomorrow,” she replied, closing the door carefully behind her.
The Head Erudite looked up from her computer, its blue holo reflecting in her stare. “There is no preparing for the Aptitude Test. You know this, Gwyneth.”
“Emotionally preparing, I suppose,” she corrected herself, her response met with a deep sigh.
“I assume you have the notes I assigned you,” Merril said, not entirely a question. Everything was an order with her—an order that would never be satisfied no matter what Gwyneth did.
Still, she nodded, taking the papers out of her bag to place them on Merrill’s desk, the professor’s eyes already scanning over the writing. She couldn’t help but hold her breath as she waited, silently watching as Merrill took in the results of last week’s experiments, then finally, finally, nodded.
“Take these to Lab Six,” she instructed, Gwyneth’s shoulders sagging with relief. As far as Merrill’s compliments went, this one was the best she could have asked for. “Make the necessary preparations for next month.”
Already on her way out—Merrill did not appreciate anyone wasting her time—Gwyneth stopped.
“Next month?” she asked, turning over her shoulder. With the Choosing Ceremony scheduled for the last day of January, who knew what the next month would bring.
Clearly, Merrill thought Gwyneth was here to stay.
She raised a white eyebrow in scrutiny. “Is there a problem?” she asked.
In exactly a week from now, Gwyneth would finally do what she’d spent the last six months meticulously planning. Merrill said there was no preparing for the Aptitude Tests, but Gwyneth had not spent all those sleepless nights studying, all those days smiling and pretending Catrin’s death hadn’t affected her at all, only to let someone else decide her fate.
No. Gwyneth Berdara had figured out how to cheat.
Tomorrow, the Aptitude Test would sort her into the one faction with the ability to bring her one step closer to the truth behind her sister’s murder.
Next week, she would no longer be Gwyneth Berdara, Erudite.
She would be Dauntless.
“No,” she said to Merrill with a sweet smile. “No problem at all.”
***
It had been over twenty-four hours since Gwyneth had last slept, and she was seriously starting to worry she might just pass out in the chair if her name was not called out next.
As dazed as the lack of sleep was making her, Gwyneth knew that once she exited that room, she would thank herself for persevering. No one under the age of twenty-one was supposed to know this, but being Merrill’s protegé came with its benefits—all carefully researched and planned for six months ago.
The test would begin by having a simulation serum being injected into her neck, setting off a range of scenarios eventually leading to Gwyneth being matched to one of the five factions: Erudites, Abnegation, Dauntless, Candor, or Amity, all based on the choices she’d be making throughout. Fifteen weeks—Gwyneth had spent fifteen weeks studying the simulation patterns and the reaction of the brain every scenario it presented. The Aptitude Test’s results were meant to serve as a guide for the Choosing Ceremony, and if one did not wish to end up factionless–-end up an exile to society—following the Test’s recommendations was the only true choice.
Gwyneth knew—had always known—she was an Erudite, if the last few months were any indication for her to ground her confidence in. Her Test results today, though, would recommend a different faction entirely.
Her research suggested there were side effects to the serum. Sustained deprivation of sleep, Gwyneth found, would catalyse a heightened neural state—high enough for her to remain in full cognitive control of the simulation. She would recognise the patterns effortlessly—would know where to go and what to say for the test administrator to proclaim her as a Dauntless the moment she woke up. In theory.
A few hours into the tests, there weren’t many people left. From the colour of their clothes, Gwyneth noted two from Abnegation and one from Candor, his black tie and formal attire making her shift in her own seat. She could hardly register the light tapping of her foot against the linoleum floor, consumed entirely by the silence of the hallway. Waiting. And waiting. And waiting.
The Tests were being held at the Academy, and it made her all the more uneasy. These halls, the cafeteria they now sat in, this entire building—the Academy was so familiar Gwyneth had nearly forgotten what had driven her out of there. She half-expected Catrin to come out of the East Elevator leading right up to her old lab, to give her a small wave as she called out her name.
“Gwyneth Berdara?”
Gwyneth jumped in her seat.
The Candor boy snorted.
The test administrator—a woman that could not have been more than a few years older than Gwyneth—gave him a look. The Candor cleared his throat immediately, his eyes falling back into that blank, emotionless stare. It was then that Gwyneth realised the woman was from Candor, too.
She arched an eyebrow as she looked at Gwyneth again, her ice-blue eyes settling on her own. “Gwyneth Berdara, yes?”
Gwyneth nodded.
“Good. Come on in.”
The hallway, as Gwyneth already knew, hosted a row of ten rooms, and the woman led her to the one at the far left. The teaching classroom had been transformed into an empty space with nothing but a reclined chair that made her feel as though she was about to walk into her dentist’s appointment, the walls now covered in floor-to-ceiling mirrors.
Even though Gwyneth knew what to expect, she couldn’t help but swallow the tightness in her throat. She had volunteered to set those rooms up herself before—the administrator herself was a volunteer, too. Most of the Candor worked for the government—their inclination towards truth and justice made them the only objective candidates. According to their manifesto, at least.
This woman, though—she seemed nothing like the Candor Gwyneth had met before, perhaps save for the stern look in her gaze and the way she carried herself. As if nothing could bend her will.
There was something about her face that seemed familiar, and Gwyneth could not shake the feeling that she had seen her before. Her features seemed sharper than those faded images in her memory, her hair a lighter shade of golden brown, straighter and tied into a sleek, braided bun. No matter how hard she focused, though, Gwyneth couldn’t quite place her.
“Take a seat,” she instructed before Gwyneth could try searching her mind again. “My name is Nesta Archeron. I’ll be your test administrator today.”
The name did not seem familiar, and, frustrated, Gwyneth slipped into the chair, the leather cracked at the armrests. As though whoever had come in before her did not take the simulations well.
Great.
After an uncomfortably long pause, Gwyneth looked up to meet the administrator’s stare. Was the test not supposed to start already?
“Well?” Nesta asked, her arms crossed over the sleek, black jacket padded lightly at the shoulders. She might have been the only Candor Gwyneth had ever seen that did not seem stiff in their clothes.
She blinked in confusion. “Well…what?” she asked.
“Most people want to know if it hurts,” Nesta pointed out.
Oh. “I already know it doesn’t hurt,” Gwyneth told her. “My research focuses on Aptitude Tests,” she explained, her cheeks flushing slightly as she realised she might have fallen into the Erudite trap of sounding too pretentious.
“Your research,” Nesta repeated, a shadow of a smile playing in the corner of her mouth. “That is, perhaps, the most Erudite thing I’ve ever heard.”
Gwyneth huffed. “I thought the simulation was meant to decide my faction, not you.”
To her surprise, Nesta snorted. “I think I might like you, Gwyneth Berdara,” she said. Then, “Why do I know your name?” she asked, her golden brows knitting.
Gwyneth could see the exact second realisation dawned on Nesta’s face.
“You were Catrin Berdara’s sister.” She shook her head, her hair catching some of the white, artificial light at the ceiling. “I am so sorry. Horrible tragedy.”
“Yes,” Gwyneth said, unable to keep the tinge of bitterness from her tone. “Tragedy.”
Nesta’s eyes narrowed. “You know, in Candor, our most prized virtue is the truth. During Initiation, we spend weeks training how to detect lies.” She tilted her head to the side. “Why do I feel like you’re lying to me, Gwyn?”
“It’s Gwyneth.”
“Gwyneth,” Nesta corrected, that strange amusement returning into her face. “I have two sisters, you know. The youngest had her test earlier today.”
“How did she do?”
“You research our tests, don’t you? You know the results are not to be discussed—not even amongst family.” Nesta smiled. “I know, though—from the moment she was born, out and screaming her rage right into the world.” She snorted. “Feyre is going to choose Dauntless, because that’s who she always has been.”
“You sound excited for her,” Gwyneth started carefully.
“I am.”
“Won’t you miss her in Candor?”
“My sisters and I were born in Abnegation,” Nesta explained. “Four years ago, I chose Candor. Two years ago, Elain had left for Amity. Grey had never quite suited her, anyway,” she added. Gwyneth was not entirely sure she’d ever heard a Candor joke before. Then, Nesta said, “In a week from now, Feyre is going to leave, too. I’m sure of it.”
Gwyneth hummed. “Your parents must miss you very much.”
“Our parents are dead, I’m afraid.”
“Oh,” she faltered, her cheeks heating yet again. “So are mine.”
Nesta shrugged matter-of-factly, the gesture enough to keep Gwyneth from asking. “Then you know,” she said, her gaze dropping to whatever notes Gwyneth’s profile contained on the datapad. “I see you study under Merrill Dorset,” Nesta observed. “The Aptitude Test research makes a lot more sense now.” She shook her head, as though in disbelief. “Thanks to her, we no longer have sixteen year olds do these tests. Ridiculous—to make someone with such a young mind decide on the rest of their life.” She looked at Gwyneth again. “You must be very excited to work under her.”
Gwyneth shrugged. “It has its benefits.”
“I’m sure it does,” Nesta said—and if she weren’t Candor, Gwyneth might have thought it a lie. “Is that how you know not to be afraid?” she asked, pressing one of the electrodes to Gwyneth’s head.
Gwyneth scoffed. “Merrill has nothing to do with it,” she told Nesta, flinching slightly at the cold touch as Nesta attached yet another electrode to her head. “I’ve figured it out all on my own.”
The words escaped her without warning—and if Nesta were an Erudite, she would have been fully within her rights to drag her straight to Merrill’s office and filed for Gwyneth’s expulsion.
Instead, a smile—a true smile bloomed on Nesta’s face as she pressed the syringe to Gwyneth’s neck, the clear serum swirling lazily inside. “Perhaps not an Erudite, then.”
The word blurred into nothingness as Gwyneth slipped into the simulation at last.
***
Gwyneth woke up to the sound of screaming, muffled only by a thick wall of concrete and windows sealed shut by dark, bloodied wood.
She did not recognise her surroundings, and from the blurriness of the corners of her vision, she knew she was not supposed to. Even the words of the crying crowds outside had no meaning at all. The emotion they carried was clear, though—fear.
Gwyneth grounded herself in the sounds—became one with the simulation, aware of every pattern presented before her, every entrance or exit she could find her way to. There was a door behind her that had not been barricaded—only an iron handle stood between her and the screams. Turning towards it, she wondered why those people did not simply open the door.
“You’re late,” a childlike voice now spoke behind her. “He’s getting away,” it said.
Gwyneth whirled back to the sound—and found no one at all.
The setting before her had changed, though. There was a staircase now, tall and made entirely of concrete, too. A table blocked the way up, though, small and built from some light type of wood Gwyneth had never cared to study at the Academy.
“Who?” she asked carefully.
“Have you changed your mind already?” the voice spoke again from somewhere behind her back. “You’re our last hope, you know.”
Gwyneth turned again—once again facing nothing but the iron door and the screams behind. She was not supposed to see this child, whoever it was. So instead, she asked, “What’s happening outside?”
“You have a choice here,” the voice continued as though she hadn’t spoken at all. “Go up, and finish what you came here to do. You cannot proceed without this,” it then said, and when Gwyneth turned towards the staircase again, the table was no longer empty.
Atop a clean, ivory cloth laid a gun—a pistol, its silver glinting subtly beneath the streaks of sunlight pouring in through the cracks between the bloodied wood. Gwyneth sucked in a breath.
“You may decide to go back. Rejoin the others, if you wish. The choice is entirely up to you.”
The choice seemed entirely clear to Gwyneth. Turn back to the people—Abnegation. Amity, perhaps. The gun, however…
“I thought you hired me,” she told the voice.
It giggled—a shrill, eerie sound that seemed to carry all the way upstairs. “I cannot decide your fate for you,” it said, as if scolding her.
Gwyneth looked back towards the door again—then to the gun. What if this was a test, and the true display of courage would have been to save the people outside from whatever horrors had befallen them?
No—there were no underlying motives in these tests. Her choices, Gwyneth had learned, were plain and simple, the way the faction members’ lives had been designed to be. If she wanted to be classified as a Dauntless, the gun was her only viable option.
So Gwyneth picked it up—wrapped her hand around the cool metal, letting it slip down to the polished hilt.
“Go now,” the voice urged. “Go!”
Gwyneth did not waste any more time.
She started running, every step light as she made her way upstairs, the echo of the people’s cries following her all the way up to the sixth floor. She felt no weariness, no strain in her muscles or stiffness in her joints, the blend of the serum and twenty-four hours without sleep clearly taking effect.
The stairs seemed to end here, though. There was only one door at the very top of the building, made of the same dark, blood-stained wood the windows had been. Gwyneth reached for the doorknob—iron, too, she realised—and the door clicked open as she turned it to her left.
“Are you the one?” someone asked her—a new voice, male and hoarse coming somewhere from the back of the room.
“What?” Gwyneth asked, and the room lit up with the question.
She had to stifle a scream of her own as she saw him. The man stood at the very end of the narrow hallway, his back pressed toward the wall and a gun steady in his hands.
“Are you the one they sent after me?” he repeated, his voice rougher now, like gravel against her skin.
“No,” Gwyneth lied, fighting to keep her voice from trembling as her own pistol slipped down an inch in her clammy grip. “I’m on your side,” she told him.
“Liar,” he seethed, “I’ll give you one more chance. Tell the truth, and I will go—you and your people will never see me, never hear of me again. Peace,” he said. “So, what will it be?”
Gwyn opened her mouth—and the man smiled, revealing a perfect set of bloody, iron teeth.
Her mind raced, chasing every possibility that seemed to escape her the wider the man grinned. He must have been the reason for the carnage outside, all the pain and death that would have awaited her had she chosen to open the door. Perhaps the simulation would have made her tend for the wounded, or forced her to become one of them. Either way, there was no turning back.
She understood now—she had to kill that man. His promise of peace, while appealing to an Amity or maybe even an Erudite, was a lie. That left her with two choices.
Tell the truth—Candor.
Keep on lying—Dauntless.
So Gwyneth tightened her grip on her gun and told him, “I’m not here to kill you.”
The man’s smile became a long, vicious snarl. “Wrong answer,” he said, and pointed his own pistol at her.
“Leave her alone!” someone screamed then, a voice—a familiar voice, one she had met in this simulation before. The child materialised before her, a small girl that could not have been older than five—and lunged for the murderer aiming at Gwyneth.
All Gwyneth could see, though, was Clare Beddor’s face as she ran for the Erudites that killed her sister. The same Erudites that prized knowledge above all else, only to put an end to it whenever someone reached too far.
What had Catrin found out that day? How bad must it have been to merit an order for her execution.
Whatever truth the answers held, though, Gwyneth had already failed. But, perhaps, she could do this—could save this child, so ready and eager to sacrifice its life for those who could not have done the same.
For Catrin.
As if reading her thoughts, the man pointed his gun at the little girl.
“NO!” Gwyneth screamed, and jumped in front of the child the moment the gun fired.
***
The word still lingered on her tongue as Gwyneth shot upright with a scream.
“Sit up,” Nesta ordered, her hand steady on Gwyneth’s back. “Drink,” she added, a cold glass suddenly pressed to her trembling lips.
She obeyed, the water dripping down her chin as she gulped, the glass shaking alongside her sweaty palms.
“The whole thing,” Nesta nodded, and only when Gwyneth emptied the glass did she finally seem satisfied enough to let her speak.
“Well?” Gwyneth asked, wiping the salt on her forehead with the back of her hand. “ Not an Erudite, I’m assuming?”
Nesta’s lips pressed into a thin line, her skin somewhat pale as she quickly entered something into her datapad. “Not exactly.”
“What—what is that supposed to mean?”
Nesta met her gaze, her blue eyes wary. “Gwyn—Gwyneth, your results were inconclusive.” She sighed. “Is that something you have seen in your research, or do you need me to explain it to you?”
Gwyneth ignored the jab. “Inconclusive?” She frowned. “That is not possible.” She tried so hard—so hard to be matched to the Dauntless. She was prepared to shoot—to prove she wasn’t afraid, to prove she didn’t hesitate. If she only hadn’t let her emotions get the better of her—
“Of course not,” Nesta said, something like mockery creeping into her tone. “In theory. How many times have your theories been proven wrong, Gwyneth?”
She had to give her that one. “Many.”
“You have chosen the gun, effectively closing both paths that would have taken the simulation towards Amity—or Abnegation, for that matter.” Nesta looked at her datapad again. “That gave us Dauntless. Then, you lied to the man—then lied again, even when given a second chance and promised peace—that rules out Candor. You’re definitely not Amity, that’s for sure.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “You were smart enough not to believe him, displaying equal aptitude for both Erudite and Dauntless. But then you saved the girl,” she said. “Threw your body over her own. Abnegation again.”
Nesta set her notes on the chair’s armrest, leaning in closer—close enough for the distance between them to close almost entirely as she said, her voice barely above a whisper, “Gwyneth, people like you are called Divergent. And they are very, very dangerous.” Those icy eyes searched her own. “Tell me, Gwyneth, what does our society do with dangerous people?”
Gwyneth stopped breathing entirely.
Nesta nodded. “You, of all people, should know this.”
“You know,” Gwyneth breathed. “You know what my sister researched.”
It had been Gwyneth’s theory from the day she had found a stash of notes in Catrin’s bed—shoved deep into the mattress, nearly lost to the world after death. Notes containing Catrin’s own research, all of them detailing the hypotheses of her Genetics thesis. Catrin had been studying the factionless—had been seeking to understand why, no matter how hard they tried, they did not belong to any of the factions. She had nearly found the answer.
But Catrin’s notes ended abruptly, the final entry dated two weeks before her death. The night the two of them had last ventured out to the Amity farmlands. The night Catrin had promised her no more secrets.
“And look where that research got her,” Nesta said quietly. “Gwyneth, you cannot share this information with anyone. Under no circumstances can you reveal your test results. Do you understand me?” she asked, her tone inviting no protest.
Gwyneth swallowed. Hard. “I do.”
Nesta straightened. “I’m going to put your aptitude down for Erudite, and we’ll forget about this whole thing.”
She picked the datapad up again.
“No,” Gwyneth said then.
Half-turning over her shoulder, Nesta’s brows rose. “No?”
“Dauntless,” Gwyneth blurted out, her final attempt at salvaging six-months of pain and preparation. “Please. They will look—Merrill will look at my test results. She cannot know why I didn’t come back.”
“Gwyneth,” Nesta started slowly. “Whatever you think you’ll find at the Dauntless—”
“It’s not what I’ll find there,” she interrupted. “It’s where the Dauntless can take me.”
Understanding settled into Nesta’s beautiful features. “Going beyond the Fence is strictly forbidden,” she told her.
Gwyneth offered a tense shrug. “It seems to me like I’m already on the forbidden list.”
Nesta shook her head. “To live the life of a Dauntless is to die,” she warned her. “Not many Transfers survive their Initiation. Consider what you’re about to do, Gwyneth Berdara.”
Gwyneth was done considering. It was finally time to act.
“If it was your sister,” she started, looking Nesta right in the eye, “either of your sisters. What would you have done?”
Something like surprise sparked in Nesta’s gaze, and for a moment—for a short, beautiful moment, Gwyneth had hope.
But then, Nesta told her, “You are asking a Candor to lie.”
Gwyneth knew she had lost.
She’d forgotten—she’d forgotten that, in this world, factions came above all else. No matter what Nesta thought of her, no matter what she would have done for her own sisters in Gwyneth’s position—the primary Candor virtue was to never tell a lie.
Dishonesty is rampant. Dishonesty is temporary. Dishonesty makes evil possible.
The doctrine was practically written on Nesta’s face, her features practically writhing in conflict.
So Gwyneth braced herself—braced herself for the administrator’s next words, no doubt announcing her imminent arrest and exile following the betrayal of her faction, of conspiring against her own. Perhaps they would tackle her the way they had Clare Beddor—perhaps they would drag her down to her casket beneath the city’s foundations themselves.
But then Nesta’s datapad flashed red—and Gwyneth watched as her results disappeared, wiped from the digital memory forever.
“When you get to the Dauntless,” Nesta began, her voice tight, “Find a man named Cassian. I need you to pass on a message.” Her throat bobbed. “Tell him,” she asked, “Tell him I was right.”
Gwyneth could only stare.
“Go now,” Nesta ordered, jerking her chin towards the exit. “And try to survive.”
For Catrin—for her sister, Gwyneth always would.
“Thank you,” she breathed. “Thank you, Nesta.”
She did not remember the walk back to her empty room at HQ. The last thing Gwyneth truly recalled was the cold bowl of her toilet as she leaned over it and retched her guts out.
The Choosing Ceremony was held exactly a week later at the Hub, the very centerpiece of the city. Gwyneth had queued in her dedicated blue line of twenty-one year old Erudites all morning, unable to occupy herself with anything else but waiting.
She could trust Nesta. Couldn’t she? When had she ever met a Candor with the ability to tell a lie, or worse, keep the truth from reaching the rest of the world? One word to the wrong person, and Gwyneth would be dead before even entering the building.
She had entered it, though, the Hub so much larger than she had remembered it. She and Catrin had once visited it during a school trip, when they were so young they could hardly understand the power it would one day hold over them. The power it held over everyone else. 
The Ceremony had started about thirty minutes ago, and after a few brief speeches from the Candor government about the grandiose of this very moment, people’s names had begun being called out one by one. Gwyneth watched as those with an A last name made their choices, her gaze slipping occasionally to the sector at the far right, where the Dauntless would shout out their excitement each time a new Initiate’s blood was spilled over the hot, burning coals.
It was a sick display of devotion—Gwyneth had always considered it as such. Still, she was in no position to argue, not when her only other choice was to embark on a self-imposed exile. Or, apparently, submitting herself to the authorities for being an illegal outlier she had no idea even existed.
Slowly, she slid her gaze over the five white bowls, each the size of the large, sizzling cauldron she’d remembered from her childhood’s fantasy stories, their contents symbolising the five factions. Grey stones for Abnegation, plain and unassuming the way their lives were supposed to be; the hot coals for Dauntless; glass for Candor, clear as the truth; soil for Amity, like the farms they cared for; and, finally, water for Erudites, its flow representative of  the ever-changing nature of knowledge.
Somewhere behind those bowls sat Merrill, no doubt expecting to see Gwyneth stain the water red. Perhaps, in another life, Gwyneth would have done just that—would have returned to the Academy, studying history the way she had always wanted, sneaking out to Amity every Summer Solstice to celebrate Catrin the way Amity celebrated the sun.
That life, though…it would not have been enough for Gwyneth. Not when she had seen the rage in Catrin’s lover’s eyes, not when she felt it in her own heart every time she felt the weight of her lighter tucked into her lab coat. Honouring Catrin would have never been enough.
Gwyneth wanted answers. Gwyneth wanted revenge.
“Gwyneth Berdara,” the announcer’s voice boomed over the hall, some of the Erudites’ quiet gasps disrupting the space. Some of them, no doubt, had already forgotten the tragedy from six months ago, Gwyneth’s family name serving as an uncomfortable reminder.
Gwyneth did not look back at them as she walked down towards the five bowls at the hall’s centre. Her eyes were only on the knife laid out before her the way the gun in her simulation had been—waiting patiently to find its way into her hand.
Gwyneth took one, steadying breath before picking it up at last. Then, she flipped it over to the sharp edge and sliced through her palm.
The quiet hiss snuck its way past her teeth as her skin split open, and she realised with a tinge of embarrassment that she may have cut too deep. Within seconds, her blood would begin spilling nowhere but the floor. Perhaps it was exactly the place where the Divergent belonged—unable to be defined despite so many choices laid ahead of them.
Gwyneth allowed herself one look at the water before looking up to meet Merrill’s gaze.
She held it even as she outstretched her hand over the burning coals and opened her palm, her blood sizzling over the fire.
There was only a second of silence when the entire hall held its breath.
And then, the Dauntless erupted with a roaring cheer.
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animezinglife · 3 months
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I don't think the comment about the rejected mating bond I keep seeing is about Elain and Lucien.
Taking my shipping goggles completely off (and I truly am open to the narrative taking different turns), it would be an incredibly odd move from a writing perspective on the individual level.
Let's completely take Elain out of the equation or forget we know her. Does it really make sense for Lucien--a male who's been rejected constantly and in multiple capacities throughout his life, who has no "home" to turn to (not by his choosing), and who lost his love tragically and horribly--to go through all of that only for a mating bond to snap and for that bond to be rejected?
Let's do the same with Lucien. Let's forget we know Lucien. Does it really make sense for Elain--a woman who's just had her entire life ripped from her, including a future with a man she thought she loved only to be cruelly rejected by that man--to go through of that only for a mating bond to snap with a good man (male) and for her to reject it?
I'm not stating it couldn't happen. It absolutely could. Yet it would be a strange narrative choice, especially after going through the trouble of writing that bond in the first place, elaborating on the care Lucien takes in selecting her gifts, his extremely intentional, careful distance with her, etc. It would be a strange narrative choice for them to not get the happily-ever-after--or at least the happier ever after--when so much of their characters as individuals and as a potential couple seems to be building the foundation for a story on healing.
On overcoming heartbreak, devastation, and having a life stripped away.
On choosing the courage and challenge of loving again.
On finding a simple sort of peace in that love.
I don't think a rejected bond will have anything to do with them. Not with Elain and Lucien, not with Azriel, and not with Gwyneth.
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