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sohin-ace · 3 years

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Jolyne - No Ordinary Girl

Mermaid Y/N x Surfer Jolyne

Today was a particularly fitting day to go to the beach. Jotaro had taken Jolyne, Hermes and Foo Fighters to the shore. He mostly went for some observation and the girls decided they would take advantage of the nice weather for some surfing.

It was not long after they arrived and started installing themselves that Jolyne and Hermes' eyes fell into very familiar faces.

Annasui, upon seeing the group, walked towards the girls with a confident stance, making sure his long hair was flowing in the wind.

"Oh look who we have here. The ladies victory." Annasui exclaimed, before completely falling heart-eyed, his voice and tone softening, dreamy even, at the sight of his object of worship. "Hi Jolyne~"

"Oh! Weather Report's there! Hi Weas!" Jolyne called out to the older man arranging a parasol a few feet behind, her completely ignoring the pink haired-male that seemed to have come with him. He waved shortly at Jolyne in response.

"Anyways, what are you guys up to?" Hermes asked, sipping on some lime flavored granita.

"Well, as you can see..." He pointed at the ocean, "We just wanted to take a day to work out a bit, but the waves are real nice today."

He leaned in not so subtly towards Jolyne, despite Hermes' evident judging gaze.

"But you know what else is real nice today?" He brought his hand up to cup Jolyne's chin, but before he could even say or do anything, Jolyne leaned away and pointed behind him.

"Oh wow! My dad's coming back with drinks!" She called nonchalantly, looking behind Annasui like he was more transparent than air itself.

"...! DRINKS?! DRINKS!!" Foo Fighter gasped, pushing the feminine man off to the side with such force, he fell and slid against the sand.

"Hey, Jojo," Hermes tapped her friend's shoulder, "Let's show these pendejos how girls ride waves."

The Asian American smirked, eager to show who's boss and always ready to follow on her best friend's mischief. "I'm racing you then."

"Pfft, I won't go easy girlfriend." The Mexican cracked her knuckles and grabbed her plank.

After surfing for long enough and being outran by Jolyne's stamina, Hermes decided to go back and sunbathe next to F.F's who was playing cutely with sand.

Jolyne glided full speed over the water, the wind and droplets of salty water refreshing her skin. More than competition, Jolyne loved the acceleration, the adrenaline, the sweet fresh air through her long hair. When she was surfing, Jolyne's heart lightened up and her mind purged of any negative thoughts, anxiety, fears.

She was at peace.

Before she could enjoy the sweet taste of her peace of mind though, she caught up to a blond surfer in front of her who she recognized as she got closer. Oh god, not him of all people.

"Oh, hey! Isn't that the sexiest surfer in all Miami?" Romeo teased, admiring the girl who gained up on him, "Not bad, look at you go! Who knew my little Jojo would be so talented, hot damn!"

Jolyne frowned and clicked her tongue. She swore if she wasn't so focused on staying in balance, she would drown him on the spot. He laughed obnoxiously, satisfied with being a disgusting excuse of a human.

"Romeo, I swear to fuckin-"

Before she could even finish her sentence, something, a gigantic fish tail appeared out of the wave and flicked itself right accross the blonde, slapping him off of his plank with a painful sound.

"HUAARGHH-" He screamed before crashing into the water with the splash and disappearing behind Jolyne.

"O-OH MY GOD!" She gasped, both surprised by the sudden turn of events, and incredibly scared for her life, thinking some kind of hostile shark was in the shore currently, which was to report immediately.

The moment she decided to take a turn and leave as fast as she could, warning the others to get the hell out of here, a shadowy form within the water followed her along the wave.

Foolishly curious, Jolyne looked at it, not without her heart hammering in her chest at the potential danger she was facing.

What she saw was not a sight she'd have ever expected to ever see in all her 19 years. Her legs shook at the shock and she almost completely fell over her board.

Gliding along the water right next to her, right inside the tall wave, was the figure of... a girl.

Or was it a girl? It couldn't be. She looked human at first glance, but the more Jolyne's gaze moved sideways she noticed the long and impressive fish tail replacing what were supposed to be legs.

Jolyne's jaw felt slack. She felt like she was hallucinating. Believe it or not, she had not smoked or taken any recreative substances beforehand, but she truly wished she had because that would have at least explained what her eyes were showing her.

The girl swimming and following her only smiled, waving cutely with webbed hands, as if amused by Jolyne's disbelieving reaction and wide eyes.

"W-w-w.... What the fuck..???" Jolyne finally spoke after rebooting her entire brain, "No fucking way-...! A mermaid??!! A real one??!"

Like a bad trick from fate, the wave Jolyne was trying her hardest to not get swallowed by, seemed to grow weaker and weaker, shortening in size.

Jolyne saw the mermaid slowly retreat away in an elegant swim, her form vanishing into the deep blue.

"Wait, no!" The surfer called, almost desperate to have such a mystical meeting and ethereal moment be so short lived.

She reached her hand out to the creature, unsure of what she was even trying to do, but the force of the current got the best of her, and Jolyne lost balance, falling forward with nothing to hang onto for purchase.

Jolyne splashed onto the water and the wave died with her hope of ever living such a dream again.

"Ooohh dang it! You were almost there!" Hermes called out from the shore, her voice booming enough for Jolyne to hear as she broke into the surface.

"Fuck...." Jolyne cursed, hanging onto her board.

She felt defeated. Not because she couldn't ride that wave to the very end as she was expected to with her skill level, but rather because she couldn't immortalize that beautiful moment.

She blankly climbed onto her board again and barely even paddled her way back to land, too out of it to do so.

Was that even real? That had to be, right? She saw the mermaid. She saw her hair, her skin tone shined-on by the sun. She saw the scales over her skin, the fins along her arms and tail.

She saw her attack Romeo, he must have seen her too, Jolyne pondered.

"Aaah the champion is back!" F.F cheered as Jolyne finally walked back, drenched and with her plank under one arm. "I made a sandcastle for our ocean queen!"

"Thanks Foo..." Jolyne's small smile didn't not match her quiet tone.

"Hey, what's up, chula ? You look like you've seen a ghost, or something? You did great back there, so why the long face?" Hermes fixed the straps of Jolyne's bikini top and removed some seaweeds from her hair.

"It's just... I saw something weird it the water and I don't know..." Jolyne hesitated, "Maybe I was dreaming or something."

"Hum..." Hermes hummed in thought. "What do you think Féfé?"

"Maybe Mr. Jotaro can answer if you saw an animal? Damn, I'm thirsty." F.F stuck her tongue out, clearly expressing her thirst.

"Dude, there's water litterally everywhere here." The mexican grimaced before turning back to Jolyne. "But yeah, maybe you should ask your dad if that worries you so much."

"Uhh..."

Jolyne looked towards her father who was crouching somewhere next to some rocks, taking notes about mollusks, or so Jolyne guessed.

"Yeah, maybe not. It's fine though, no big deal." She smiled, waving her hand in dismissal.

Shrugging it all off, the girls decided to join Weather Report and Jotaro who brought food to finish the day at the beach with a relaxing touch.

And so, the day ended with an uncanny normalcy for Jolyne, who kept thinking more and more as the sun set, that it all had been in her mind. Mermaids didn't exist. It was probably a Stand user playing tricks on her.

That what she wanted to believe. When she thought of all the events that would follow, she truly wished she had spoken to her father about it. After all, if he had fought a very real vampire, then there would be no doubt that something as crazy as a mermaid could exist in her bizarre adventure.

Jolyne came back to the beach that same week. Alone, this time. She was careful to come by the time the sun started to lower in the sky and the temperature of the water and air dropped, knowing tourists and athletes would be gone by this time.

'What now?' She thought. Coming back out of sheer curiosity was a thing, but making sure she could attract the creature back to her was something else.

"Should I bring food? What do mermaids even eat? Does she like hot dogs...?" Jolyne thought out loud, looking around, secretly glad no one was here to hear her talk mad nonsense to herself like some insane crackhead.

She approached the water and drenched her feet in the small rocking waves, coming and going her way and gently splashing her. She hesitated for a moment, remembering that along with the legend of mermaids came the fact that these creatures were known to attract and enchant humans by their beauty, leading them to their inevitable death.

So maybe, Jolyne accepted, she was destined to die in the ocean.

Just as she came hip-deep into the sea, she felt a strange current shaking her legs, almost knocking her out of balance.

Before she could even process how strange it felt, she looked down into the clear water and saw no less than the same huge colorful fish tail she had seen that very day.

She gasped in realization and soon enough screamed as she felt calloused hands grab her thighs, the creature pushing herself out of the water to be met face to face with the human who had been, unbeknownst to Jolyne, her newfound fixation.

"Y-WHAAAAAHH!!!" Jolyne hollered, not expecting such a strong and surprising appearance.

The mermaid still halfway into the water, climbed and gripped up the girl's hips for leverage. She looked up at Jolyne's face, smiling wide and eyes glinting in both adoration and mischief.

"Greetings."

"HOLY CRAP-" Jolyne's voice cracked, "I mean- fuck yes! I mean-..."

Poor Jojo was completely out of it. But who could blame her, though? It was not everyday that one got to meet a real mermaid in the flesh. And certainly not such a handsy one.

She cleared her throat and mustered her most suave voice, pretending she wasn't completely flustered by the sheer beauty before her.

"Hi."

"I knew you'd come back..." The mermaid spoke, her voice almost ethereal and distant, "They always do."

Jolyne's heart wanted to stop. God, she felt burning hot and was sweating everywhere. Her voice stilled Jolyne to place in a way she couldn't explain. The legendary creature was so impossibly close to her, bodies almost touching.

She noticed she couldn't stay up overwater any other way than using Jolyne's lean body for leverage, her heavy tail anchoring her down. But the warm proximity between them and the sight of such a beautiful, rare and mystical creature right under her chest felt unreal and exciting.

Jolyne wanted to look her over for hours. Her hair texture, drenched and flowy, her skin tone glowing like gold, her holographic scales and fins shining like crazy diamonds.

"Why... Why did you...? Of all people...?" Jolyne questionned, now wondering if their first meeting in that wave was really a trick of fate, or if she was chosen in any way. "You attacked Romeo, yet you showed up to me... Why me?"

"I like beautiful humans." The mermaid smiled, her radiant features and smooth voice making Jolyne's legs weak, "You're beautiful."

The young surfer couldn't help her heart shaking and the wave of warmth spreading through her chest. If it was anyone else, she would boast her obvious beauty or maybe flip them off. But now she couldn't. Being complimented by a mythical being that was already the most gorgeous thing Jolyne had ever witnessed was truly something else

"What's your name?" Jolyne started.

"Call me Y/N."

Y/N, Jolyne's mind echoed. Cute. Even mermaids had names, she thought before realising that may be a very stupid thought to have. She didn't really know what else to expect.

"I uh, I'm Jolyne..." She looked down into the water, somewhat not daring to look at Y/N's adorable curious and sensual gaze. Oh god that was bad, she was entrancing.

"Not to be gay but...You look cute. Hot even. Can I say that? That's not weird, right? Since ya know... You're not exactly human, but you're not an animal either, like... I'm not gonna get arrested for this... I hope..."

"I'm not too familiar with human tongue, but I think Ms.Jolyne looks really pretty as well." Y/N moved to wrap an arm around Jolyne's waist, gripping her for better leverage and pointing at her chest, right in her reach. "Healthy mammals, great for feeding the young."

"Mammals...? Oh! You mean my boobs?" Jolyne glanced at her modest chest before grinning at the creature, "Aw thanks! Finally someone who likes them who's not some degenerate creep!"

Jolyne's chuckle died down and she finally took the time to look over Y/N's face. She ran a cold hand over her much warmer cheek, gliding it down to her gilled neck, mesmerized by her anatomy.

It truly was a one-in-a-lifetime meeting. Jolyne was slowly comprehending her luck to be met with a legendary sea creature like her. And a friendly one, at that.

How could this be even real? Our human knew that even though she was feeling relatively serene at the moment, the adrenaline would come down later and she would most likely cry herself to sleep.

"Hey uhm..." Jolyne was at a loss for words. There were so many things to say, but at the same time, she couldn't speak a word.

"Hm?" Y/N hummed and closed her eyes, enjoying the human's gentle touches.

Merfolks would express themselves via physical ministrations the most in the ocean, but she knew well a lot of humans did not share intimacies, or at least not before building a certain bond.

Glad that Jolyne was open to it, the sea-bound girl squeezed both her arms around the human's waist lovingly, forcing endearment on Jolyne, who felt her own heart tighten at the sweet and adorable embrace. The girls wanted to keep each other.

"Will we see each other again? I mean, I know you shouldn't be noticed by the public for your safety, but I don't know... Guess I took a liking to you or something." Jolyne mumbled, still resting her hands mindlessly around the creature's shoulders, fiddling with the ridges of her dorsal fin.

Y/N smiled, a smile that looked empty on her fish eyes, but sincere regardless. She let go of Jolyne who couldn't quite take her own hands off of her, clinging a little bit longer.

"Don't you know this, Ms. Jolyne? When human women die in the ocean, they relive as our kind."

"What? Really?" Jolyne let the mermaid get away slowly, ready to swim off to some unknown destination.

"If you want to see me again," Y/N called out cutely, waving her webbed hand like the very first time she saw Jolyne surfing, "Then perish in the ocean!"

She grinned, diving into the deep blue and splashing her tall tail strongly, giving herself a boost of speed, and disappearing away.

Jolyne could only stare into the horizon, darkening as the night arrived, stunned into place.

"...Ok, that was metal as fuck..."

H2O Just Add Water opening, but with Jolyne, Hermes and F.F

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo #jjba #reader insert #x reader #writing #jojo no kimyou na bouken #part 6 #jojo part 6 #stone ocean #jolyne cujoh #jolyne #jolyne x reader #jolyne kujo #jolyne kujo x reader #mermaid au #fantasy au #mermaid reader

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clanoffetts · 3 years

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Tales From Bespin, vol. I: The First Time

Lando Calrissian x fem!Reader

summary: the first in a collection of stories about Reader and Lando’s adventures in sex in Cloud City, starting with their first time together.

warnings/tags: 18+; not proof-read lol; piv; unprotected sex; tooth rotting sweet sex; lando is a fuckboy but, like, a nice one; puthy eating bc Lando is a man of taste; porn with like some plot but it’s, like, stupid plot. no seriously i don’t really remember much of the plot

word count: 3.5k

“Do your rooms still suit you?” Lando asks as you eat breakfast together. He’s asked this every morning since you arrived a week ago. In that week, you’d learned that Cloud City was gorgeous in the morning and that Lando Calrissian was very concerned with your happiness. You were glad, of course, as you’d come to Bespin on his request, the both of you hoping that something more would develop.

You nod. “Of course,” you say. “I feel like a princess.”

“Good,” he chuckles. “It’s what you deserve.” Something had begun to develop, you ate meals together, walked the city together, watched holos together. But at the end of the evening, you’d leave his rooms, and you’d assumed you were replaced with someone who would, frankly, fuck him. You knew Lando was a bit of a playboy, talk of Cloud City orgies was common legend amongst teenagers in the Outer Rim, and you usually didn’t go for playboys. But he was charming. Yeah, all playboys are, they have to be, but Lando was different. You could tell he was sincere.

So, when his two week stay on Naboo was coming to a close, he’d invited you to Cloud City to live with him, and that you could continue your clothing designer dreams on Bespin with high fashion.

“They love your dresses,” Lando says, taking a drink of some kind of juice.

You smile. They didn’t have much high fashion on Bespin, most of the population weren’t concerned with expensive clothes and the rest were rich with nothing to buy. “I’m glad. Thank you for helping me sell them, helping me build my reputation.”

“I told you that you need to stop thanking me, beautiful,” he says, voice smooth as always. “A new episode of that holoseries we binged comes out tonight.”

“Yeah I saw,” you say. “We’re watching it together, right?”

He smiles as he cuts up some of the meat on his plate. “Always, sweetheart.”

Lando had a busy day. Usually, you’d walk the halls, Lando telling you stories of the art on the walls and how they came to be in his possession or attend a water opera, but today there was none of that. So you sat in your rooms, a little cozier now than when you arrived. You’d decorated the walls with tapestries and art, adding some color to the tradition Bespin sleek white walls. Your furniture was all white and so were the blankets and pillows. You’d have to sew and embroider some new ones at some point, the plainness of it all was boring. Especially to someone from Naboo, where everything was vibrant and richly embroidered.

You lay on your bed, staring up at the blank white ceiling, thinking about Lando. There were many women about the place, scantily clad Twi’leks, humans, and Togrutas, and you knew why they were here. You didn’t feel jealous, per se, because you knew your thing with Lando, whatever it was, was not an exclusive relationship. But you did feel a bit surprised that he’d invite you here on the hope of something more, and continue with his habits.

Did you actually know Lando was sleeping with these women? Well, no, but one could safely assume, right? Especially if you weren’t putting out like women were expected to, though Lando never gave any indication that he was upset by the lack of sex. Maybe you were upset with the lack of sex, pent up and yearning for this man since he arrived on Naboo a month ago. Maybe you were going to change that.

“Ready, sweetheart?” Lando says, sitting down on one of the lush couches of the front room of his chambers. The furniture in here had dark wood from Kashyyk, a gift from one of Lando’s Wookie friends, he’d said. There were pillows in styles from all over the galaxy. The room was eclectically Lando: rich in more than one sense.

He’d brought snacks with him, sitting them down on the coffee table in front of the couch. “Born ready,” you tell him. Under your clothes were the sexiest things you owned. Maybe it was a bit sad that the sexiest thing you owned was just a matching black bra and panties, but you didn’t really have a need for lingerie. Matching was the best you could do.

The holodrama premier episode is one and a half hours, and over that course of time you’d eaten more types of candy than you can count, and inched closer to Lando until you were almost on top of him. He had an arm around you, your head resting on his chest. When the commercials for new bacta patches or some kind of Imperial propaganda interrupted the show, you’d tilt your head up to look at him, he’d tilt his down, and you’d kiss. Each kiss tasting a little different than the one before as fruity candies passed between both of your lips.

“You like the blue ones,” you say as you break the kiss before the commercials are over.

“And why do you say that?”

“Your lips have tasted like the blue ones more than any other,” you say, your tone very matter-of-fact.

He chuckles. “Very astute observation, sweetheart. Though I can’t say I was too focused on your taste,” he says. “I paid more attention to the feel.”

You sit up a little more now, pressing your lips to his again, not giving a damn that the show was back on.

“Very eager, sweetheart,” Lando murmurs, his lips traveling from your lips, down your jaw, to your neck.

“I could say the same,” you whisper as he presses kisses to your neck, trying to find your sweet spot. This has been a long time coming. You feel his soft hair against you, lost in the feel and the scent that when his lips finally find that spot that makes you gasp, it catches you off guard.

Lando notices, and says, “Can I mark you up, beautiful?”

“Please,” you’re breathless, at his politeness, at his pet name, at everything he is.

He sucks a mark onto your skin, teeth coming after to give light bites to the forming bruise. “So polite,” he says. “I like manners.” You giggle a little, but are quickly cut off by his lips back on yours. Lando kisses sweetly, just how you expected him to. He’s not rough, he’s not hard, but he’s soft and sweet and passionate. That man oozes passion, especially right now.

Your body is hyper aware of everything, his mustache brushing against your upper lip, the feel of the cape lined in shimmersilk brushing your arms as his arms wrap around you. You moaned into his mouth, and you felt him smile into the kiss. Lando was always a smug motherfucker.

He pulls away from the kiss, hands wandering to the straps of the loose sundress you wore. “Can I?” You nod, and he pulls the straps down, freeing your breasts. “So gorgeous, sweetheart.” His head lowers onto your nipple, gently sucking and swirling, taking note of everything that made you writhe. His hand cups the other breast, kneading gently, thumb occasionally swiping over your nipple. Everything was so slow, he was such a tease, and it was obvious that Lando Calrissian knew what he was doing.

“We’ve never done this before,” he says, pulling off of your breast. “Do you want this?”

“Can I ask you something first?” He nods. You’re nervous, but you ask, “I know this might not be the right time to ask, but have you been sleeping with other people while I’m here?” You cursed yourself as soon as you said it. You weren’t his girlfriend, you had no right to know this, and yet you needed to know. To know that he was in this, for real.

“No, darling,” he says. “I’m pursuing something serious, if that’s what you want.”

Your body relaxed, and you’re positive that Lando could tell. “Yeah, yeah I do want that,” you say. “Now fuck me, please.”

“So very polite,” he comments, bringing his mouth to your other nipple. This time there’s a little teeth, but he’s still painstakingly slow. “You want to go to the bed?”

You nod, and he’s already up, taking your hand in his and leading you further into his rooms. You notice the bulge straining against his expertly tailored pants, and he notices you staring. “Manners starting to slip, sweetheart? It’s not polite to stare.”

You shake your head, face beginning to heat up as it dons on you that not only are you staring at his bulge, you’re also walking around with your tits out. “Don’t get shy, now, sweetheart,” he commands with a gentle tone as he leads you to the bed.

The bed is massive, with large fluffy pillows and nice fuzzy blankets strewn over it. “Maker, Lando, this is huge.”

“The size of this bed is where the Bespin orgy stories come from, my dear,” he winks. “Though this isn’t where they happen.” He drops your hand so you can hoist yourself up onto the large bed, and he follows suit, though he’s a lot more graceful.

“Now,” he says, gently pushing you to recline against the pillows. “Where were we?” He lays down next to you, attaching his mouth to the side of your breast, sucking harshly. Another bruise would form there, and your core ached at the thought of getting to admire them the next morning in the ‘fresher mirror.

Your whimpers seem to echo in the big room, and Lando loves it. “Let me hear you,” he murmurs against your stomach before sucking another bruise. “Love to hear you.”

And, boy, do you let him hear it. So used to muffling your own noises in places with thin walls, it was a strange freedom to be as loud as you want. “Can I take this off, sweetheart?”

His hands are balled up on the dress. “Fuck, yes, please,” you tell him, eager for him to get closer to your cunt, to give you the direct stimulation he’s made you crave. He pulls the dress down your body and off your legs, tossing it to the other side of the bed. He unclasps the cape and removes his shirt, tossing them as well. And, kriff, he’s gorgeous. He’s toned, but not overly muscular in the way you find scary. His skin looks smooth, though covered in hair, and you reach a hand out to drag across his stomach.

You expect him to ask to take your panties off next, but he doesn’t. “I bet your pussy is pretty, sweetheart. Everything about you is pretty,” he says, one hand cupping your cunt, the warmth burning through the thin fabric, and the other stilling your hand on his abdomen. All you can do is whine a little, the light pressure on your pussy making you ache even more.

Lando leans down to kiss you, pressing his blue-flavored candy lips against yours and returning your hand to the mattress. When he pulls away, he lowers himself down between your legs, eye-level with your cunt. “Open these up more,” he coos, pushing your legs open and up towards your chest.

He places a hot, open-mouthed kiss to your clothed cunt, giving a deep chuckle when you gasp. “She’s already swollen, sweetheart,” he says. “I’ve not even done much. Just sucked your tits.”

“Yeah, but you did that for, like, ever,” you breath out, and he laughs.

“I like to tease my girl,” he says before bringing his lips down over the fabric again. But you can’t focus completely on that right now, not when your mind is repeating his voice calling you his girl. But eventually you snap out of it when his mouth is replaced with his fingers, running over the fabric of your panties, there’s enough friction to tease you but not enough to truly please you.

“I think it’s time I see this pussy,” he says, placing some kisses on your thighs. “Don’t you think so, sweetheart?”

You whine out a yes, and he makes quick work of removing your underwear. The cool air of the room hits your slick as Lando returns your legs to their open position. “Just like I thought- gorgeous pussy” he says, using a finger to collect your arousal, bringing it to his mouth and closing his eyes as he cleans his finger. “Taste better than the blue candy, sweetheart. I think I need another taste, don’t you?”

You nod, and before you can even utter a ‘please’, his mouth is on you. “Stars, Lando,” you whimper as he sucks on your clit. His tongue is swirling around in patterns that made your whole body shiver, his hands are on your tits and stomach, groping at any soft flesh he could grasp. Everytime you whine out a word, he hums around your clit, sending a wave of vibration straight to your core.

“And to think I’ve traveled to a hundred confectionery shops when the sweetest candy in the galaxy is right here,” he says, pulling your lips further apart so he could admire his candy. With a growl, he dives back in, this time at your hole, letting his nose take care of your clit for now. His tongue pushes inside you with force, Lando eagerly lapping up your juices, your moans escaping in unison with his.

When he decides his nose occasionally bumping your clit isn’t enough and replaces it with his fingers, rubbing small circles, you feel the wave of your orgasm start to roll in. “Gonna come, Lando, fuck-”

He hums, low and gravely against your cunt, and it pushes you over the edge. You’re loud, moaning and writhing under him, but his mouth stays attached to your slit with determination, following your hips wherever they go. Lando does this until your body stops shivering and you’re left with labored breathing on the bed in a mess of pillows.

“Stars, Lando, you’re good at that,” you giggle as he climbs up your body to press a kiss to your forehead, nose, lips. You taste yourself on him, not something you’d describe as the best candy in the galaxy, but you could see where he was coming from.

“Glad you liked it, sweetheart,” he replies. “I’m a people pleaser at heart.” Your hands wander down to the buckle of his belt, trying to undo it but the clasp is foreign and your mind is cloudy. Lando sits back on his haunches between your legs, undoing the clasp and freeing his cock from his pants. Lando Calrissian didn’t wear underwear, apparently. “Is this what you wanted, beautiful?”

You nod frantically, the voice in the back of your head telling you you looked pathetically horny, but you couldn’t care. “Please, Lando,” you whine. “Want you inside me.”

“Stars, sweetheart, I’ve wanted this since back on Naboo,” he says, shedding his pants and adding them to the stack of clothes accumulating on the side of the bed.

“Been so enamored by you for so long,” he sighs, lining his cock up with your entrance. “Ready?”

“Yes,” you beg, “Please.”

“There’s my girl, with her manners,” he groans as he pushes his cock inside you, ever so slowly. “Gotta savor your pussy, sweetheart. Been wanting it for so long.”

You moan as he bottoms out, “Wait, my implant expired, I’m sor-”

He cuts you off, “I have one. Don’t you worry, sweetheart.” His voice is strained with pleasure as he drags his cock in and out of your aching core, you swear you can feel each vein against your walls.

“Fuck, Lando, please,” you whine, wishing he’d give you a little more, even if it was just enough to come.

He gives you that smug smile, “Please what?”

“Faster, Lando,” you whimper, bringing your legs around his waist in an effort to push him into you quicker.

He tuts. “Where’s your manners, sweet thing?”

“Please,” you beg. “Please, please, please.”

He kisses your nose. “Since you’re so polite, I think I might just have to oblige.” And he does. His hips don’t snap hard against you like the other guys you’d fucked, though they hadn’t been very good, maybe that was why. He wasn’t so hard like the holoporn videos or the stories you’d read on the ‘Net. But it’s so good.

“How do you feel, sweetheart?” His voice is breathy now, though still deep.

“Full,” you whine, and his fingers come to your clit, causing you to gasp and clench around him. “And stretched.”

His lips are painted with that smug smile again, “Just like you want, sweetheart. Just like you deserve.”

His voice deep in your ear, his cock deep in your cunt, and his fingers moving with grace across your clit just about send you to the edge again. “I think I’m gonna come Lando,” you moan, “Fuck I want to come, please!”

“Come, then, sweetheart,” He grunts. “I’ll always give you anything you want.” That was it, the final straw, and your body began to shiver and shake. Your arms clasped around him and your legs pushing him deep inside you, you come with such force that you can hardly make any noise. Your mouth is open, your eyes are wide, but there’s no sounds, just complete and utter bliss. “I’ll always give you what you want,” he pants again as you come down from your high, still relishing in his cock fucking you open.

“Then give me your cum,” you demand.

There’s a twinkle in his eye now, “Your wish is my command,” he says. His thrusts are a little quicker now, though more shallow and sloppy, and you continue to moan his name and clench your walls around him until he’s grunting in your ear that, “I’m going to fill you up, sweetheart, just like you asked.”

And he comes, also with force, losing control of his thrusts and your heels dig into his ass, holding him inside you as he paints your walls white. “Fuck, just what I wanted, Lando,” you coo, running a hand over his back as he lay on top of you trying to collect himself. “Treat me so well, like a princess.”

He gently pulls out, both of you wincing, and he rolls onto your side. You shift to face him, trying not to move too much so you don’t spill cum over what you assume are expensive blankets and bedding.

“Spread your legs a little, sweetheart,” he says softly. You do as you're told, and he slips a finger between your legs, just outside your slit where he collects your mixed cum. He licks some, though not all, off his finger and hums. “Second sweetest candy in the galaxy. You want a taste?”

You nod, sticking your tongue out with an eagerness that should’ve been embarrassing. He holds his finger out and you lick it clean. “I think that’s the sweetest,” you say, savoring the strange yet satisfying taste. “But to each their own I guess.”

“Did you enjoy that?” Lando has you lying against his chest, now clad in one of his silk sleep shirts and he wears the matching pants. He’d cleaned you up nicely, brought some sweet Alderaanian toniray- a rare commodity these days- for you to sip on.

You nod. “It was amazing. I’ve never come twice with someone before.”

He looks almost offended at your statement, “You’ve only been with guys that make you come once?”

“Sometimes not even once,” you admit. “That’s not normal?”

He shakes his head. “Kriff, no, sweetheart, you’re supposed to come. And the bare minimum is once in my book. In fact, I regret only making you come twice tonight. Got too caught up in my own pleasure.”

“Well, you’re supposed to feel good, too,” you point out.

He nods. “Yes, but I should also make you feel good. I get off on making you feel good.” He’s shaking his head again. “Only come once,” he mutters. “Atrocious, dear, absolutely atrocious.”

You let out a sleepy giggle, drawing patterns with your nail on his chest. “Well you can make up for all those missed orgasms another time,” you say, finishing with a yawn. “You’ve worn me out, Calrissian.”

“As you should be, sweetheart,” he says. “Get some rest, yeah?”

You nod against his chest, the quiet darkness of the room and the beat of his heart already lulling you to sleep.

tagging those who showed some interest (i promise boba threesome is coming in the next few days, i’ve already written over half of it lol)! @delusionsxfgrandeur @fuckyeahbeskar @sleepwithacommunist @tibbietibbs @hansonveggieclub

#lando calrissian #lando calrissian smut #lando calrissian x reader

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my-head-is-an-animal · 2 years

Text

Say Something

Chapter 3

Alexander held out for another week, he didn’t contact her until the day before they were due to start media preparations for another match, it was standard procedure for them to let Clarissa know if they were willing to do pre-match interviews, pre-match catch ups or any injuries they may have needed seeing to before they were declared match fit.

He sent his form over and expected receive a reply straight away as he normally did, but it was a full six hours before a brief ‘thank you’ came through and Alexander was immediately suspicious.

He went down to the weapons range, as he normally did before a match and tried to block out most of the chit chat, he didn’t care what women were watching Mirage or who kissed who at the Lounge – which was now attracting some very high profile clients, thanks to Clarissa’s mention at the press party. However, once Clarissa’s name was mentioned, his ears perked up.

‘I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend until Ajay told me she broke up with him.’ Mirage said, messing around with a wingman. ‘Seems like she’ll be looking for a shoulder to cry on, right?’

‘Don’t be an ass.’ Loba snapped. ‘She has more class in her little finger than you do in your whole body.’

‘Did I mention I’m third sexiest man in Solace City?’

Alexander chuckled to himself, Mirage was an idiot, there was no way Clarissa would entertain herself with inferiors such as him, but Alexander was at least pleased to hear that she was no longer involved with the man known as Duncan who seemed to cause her such distress.

‘Look, just be cool when she gets here, Witt,’ Lifeline interjected. ‘The woman’s been through enough, she don’t need you staring at her like a dog.’

‘What?! I don’t stare!’

Alexander could hear the women rolling their eyes at the trickster and it gave him a moment of amusement. Clarissa regularly made visits when they had a big match coming up and this one was attracting some big sponsors.

The legends continued to practice for a while until the undeniable sound of Clarissa’s heels clicking into the range could be heard. Alexander took a moment to prepare himself, every other legend had already turned around to see her, but they were suspiciously quiet. He soon saw why, her black turtleneck and thick hair did little to cover up the bruising on her neck and the black eye she was sporting.

Alexander felt his old rage returning tenfold, his fists were clenched and he was fully prepared to find Duncan and kill him as slowly as possible.

‘What the fuck happened to you?’ Mirage was an idiot. Alexander felt himself wanting to punch the boy.

‘Nothing.’ Clarissa shook her head and looked through her tablet quickly. ‘Right, you all know that the big sponsors will be watching this match, so if any of you are thinking of pulling any kind of in-game stunts, tell me now or forever hold your peace.’ Everyone was silent. ‘Okay, next up, Ajay, Elliot and Ramya, you guys will be doing the prime time interviews, with Makao, Natalie and Pathfinder doing the warm-ups, I’m aware that Caustic, Anita and Silva did the last ones, so I’ve tried to keep it fair. I’ll send through any extra profiles we want to do over the next week, so please make yourselves available and please be nice to the photographers, I don’t want to have to deal with the insurance companies again.’ The warnings were more for Alexander and Revenant, but she avoided all eye contact with him. ‘Right, nothing else for the moment, as usual, I will be around over the next week in my office should any of you need to talk about anything. And please use the back entrance, we don’t need to attract any unwanted attention. Everyone clear?’

The legends all nodded, not wanting to cause anymore trouble for her. She turned on her heel and left as quickly as she came.

‘Perhaps, it would be prudent for her injuries to be checked?’ Alexander said, quietly to Lifeline who just frowned up at him. ‘Even I can appreciate the value she has in keeping less than kind visitors at bay, I would rather not have to start over with a new Liaison Officer.’

‘Right.’ Lifeline said, slowly. Alexander just shrugged as nonchalantly as he could and went back to reassembling a Triple Take. He heard the sounds of the medic going to see Clarissa and felt somewhat appeased that she was at least receiving some kind of medical attention.

Alexander picked his moment carefully over the next few hours, he knew that the back entrance was reserved for VIPs and the Legends, so it was high security and led straight up to Clarissa’s office.

The door was open and she was wandering around, talking to someone on the phone, once again her heels had been kicked off and he enjoyed seeing her bare skin. Alexander closed the door behind him, hearing the small hitch in her voice as she turned around to see that it was him. He didn’t dare step closer, she held her finger to her lips to indicate he needed to stay quiet, Alexander nodded and wandered over to the panel ready to set her office to privacy mode.

Clarissa watched every movement he made.

‘I’m sorry, he won’t available that day,’ she said, rolling her eyes and turning to look down at the view from the window. ‘I’m afraid Caustic is entirely booked up for this match… I understand, but all of our Legends do book up very early…’ she suddenly turned and wandered over to her desk, bending over slightly to reach a schedule and drawing Alexander’s eye to her shape once again. ‘What times do you have currently?’ Clarissa’s bruising looked a lot better, she shifted all of her auburn hair to one side whilst holding the phone between her ear and shoulder and writing on the paper in front of her. ‘Okay, well, the only Legends I have available at that time and who could fulfil their other commitments are… Mirage, no, Octane, definitely not, what about Rampart?... okay, well if you moved it half an hour earlier, I could probably get Wattson in for a quick fifteen minutes, but I’m afraid it’s the best I can do.’ Clarissa stood up straight, leaning on one foot, making her hips curve that much more and Alexander could feel himself starting to grow aroused just on sight. ‘No problem, I’ll get her booked in and let her know the change of plan. Thank you very much.’

Clarissa hung up and quickly wrote down the adjustment to Wattson’s schedule.

‘I wasn’t aware I was booked up?’ Alexander smirked.

‘Oh you’re not, I just “forgot” to submit your name to the press.’ She didn’t take her eyes off of her work while she spoke. ‘It’s easier for me to do that than say, “no sorry, he doesn’t do interviews with people he finds inferior, which is everyone.” This way, everyone stays happy, however, I will need you to at least do the introductory interview, it’s the one thing I can’t get you out of because that’s what attracts more sponsors, the more sponsors you have, the more money you get and the more research you get to do undisturbed.’

‘Understood.’ Alexander nodded. ‘But I don’t think all people are inferior.’ Clarissa’s eyes snapped up to his and briefly flickered to the wall panel, Alexander submitted the code and the entire office went into privacy mode. ‘Did he do that to you?’

‘It’s none of your business.’ Clarissa said and wandered over to the grey sofa to finish the work she was doing there before Alexander entered. He took a couple of careful steps towards her.

‘He wasn’t a man worth your time.’ Alexander said, a little more gently, which caught her attention, her eyes had stopped moving over the paper and he knew her focus was no longer on work. ‘If I may be so bold, you have not revealed in any words that you are now a single woman… are you?’

‘I think you probably know the answer to that.’

‘Then your injuries are from a violent turn?’

‘What else would they be from?’ Clarissa stood up, defiantly.

‘If it was from a sexual encounter, I can assure you, I would not be so careless.’ Alexander wasn’t exactly sure why he was saying it, but he was becoming uncomfortable in his trousers once again.

‘Are we really back to this?’ Clarissa folded her arms. ‘I broke up with Duncan because I want children and to be a family with someone that I can fall in love with. I want to get married and get a house and not have everyone tell me it’s cliché or it’ll never work out. I don’t want to spend another minute in something that I know is temporary or won’t get me closer to what I want.’

‘I understand.’ Alexander nodded.

‘Do you? Because you’re still standing in my office, looking as though you’re about to jump me or something.’ Clarissa was a little uncertain that she’d gotten through to him, but she had, loud and clear.

‘I promise, I would never act without permission, particularly in sexual matters, compliance tends to be a much more satisfying experience I’ve found.’ Alexander took a step towards her, never invading her personal space. ‘But you have yet to ask me to leave, or even say no. Forgive me for thinking that last week was as exhilarating for you as it was for me.’

Clarissa frowned. ‘We barely even did anything, you just-‘ she stopped talking, a faint red blush crept over her cheeks. ‘How could that have been exhilarating for you?’

‘Because I spent the better part of two days thinking on all the ways I could please you, and finally I was well within the proximity I desired and you did nothing but show me you might not have been as resistant as your words had suggested.’ Alexander watched her caramel eyes scan him curiously. ‘Was I wrong?’

Clarissa said nothing, making Alexander smile to himself. ‘Fine. If all you want is to get a quick shag out of me, why don’t you just do it?’

‘I could.’

‘But?’

‘But, now that I have challenged your resistance, you may not be so willing to give me what I want.’

‘And what is that exactly? Because you haven’t been very clear about that.’

‘I believe I have been very clear,’ Alexander stepped just inside her personal space, he hated that he could see what that idiot of a boyfriend had done to her, but he would not be so reckless or careless when it came to her safety. ‘But if you require further specification, perhaps we could sit and discuss?’

Clarissa just chuckled cynically and headed over to her desk to pick up the papers she’d forgotten, before sitting down on her sofa and getting on with her work. Alexander liked that she wasn’t saying no, she was challenging him and this was now a game he wanted to play. He sat down next to her and listened to her sigh.

‘That wasn’t an invitation to sit down with me.’ She said, mildly irritated.

‘No, but it wasn’t a rejection.’ Alexander countered, watching her roll her eyes. ‘If you will not discuss with me, perhaps I could explain my intent and allow you to reach your own conclusion?’ She said nothing and Alexander could feel himself growing hard with the slight frustration. He shifted closer and moved her hair back so he could speak directly into her ear, something she didn’t resist. ‘Clarissa, with your permission, I desire to see you reach an orgasm brought on my exploration of your body.’ Her breathing stopped and Alexander could already feel the heat radiating from her skin. ‘I want to know what arouses you, what teases you, what I can do to keep you teetering on the edge for hours.’ She let her breath go quickly, before sucking in another.

He took a risk and allowed his fingers to slide over the soft skin of her knee, he watched her eyes grow heavy and knew that the gentle touch was what she required at that moment, coaxing, not forcing.

‘Clarissa, I want to taste you,’ he whispered, sending shivers down her spine. Her head turned slightly towards him and Alexander knew that this was his chance to kiss her, to give her something much gentler than what she was used to, a gateway towards unlocking her own desires. ‘Will you allow me the pleasure of pleasuring you?’

Alexander almost missed it, but it was quietest ‘yes’ he’d ever heard. He didn’t hesitate for a second, Alexander lightly guided her face so that he could place a small kiss to her mouth, waiting for the inevitable, waiting for her to lean just a fraction towards him before devouring her.

Her lips were soft and Alexander took his time, gently licking her bottom lip, coaxing her mouth open so that he could map out the inside, his senses were pleasantly invaded by the smell of coconut and vanilla and Alexander was painfully hard. He allowed her a few moments to relax into the kiss, just getting used to his mouth being on hers, inside hers, pleasing her. She let out a small whimper and it only served to make Alexander press into her a little more firmly.

He let his hand drop down her body, mapping out the soft flesh of her sensitive neck, quickly moving down to her chest to feel her beautifully full breasts, her skinny waist and strong thighs. Before he realised it, he was the one groaning, the feel of her was a massive turn on for him. She just seemed to fit with him and he could only imagine what it would feel like to be a real part of her.

Alexander traced lines up and down her bare legs, feeling her reaction, listening to the soft moans of pleasure she was giving out. But suddenly she was slowing down, he didn’t want to, but if something was wrong or he was pressing too hard on a bruise then this would all be for nothing.

‘I’m sorry, we can’t do this,’ she panted and Alexander could still taste her on his lips. ‘This isn’t a good place,’ she clarified. ‘I have meetings.’

‘Tonight then?’

‘I’m at a board meeting,’ she shook her head. ‘After the match would be better?’

Alexander couldn’t wait that long, he wanted her then and there. ‘Fine. After the match.’ He said and stole another intense kiss. ‘Though I only ask you let me indulge for a moment or two before then?’

‘In-indulge?’ Clarissa was still panting. Alexander grinned wickedly against her lips.

‘I do not think my resolve will hold entirely for a week,’ he said, sliding his hand through her thick hair and inhaling her scent once again. ‘Surely you can understand the need to settle one’s needs once in a while.’

Clarissa didn’t say anything, but she did allow him to kiss her again, to wrap his hands around her waist and gently squeeze the flesh, making her sigh and whimper into him.

Chapter link

#caustic #caustic x ofc #apex caustic #apex legends caustic #caustic x reader #alexander nox x ofc #alexander nox x reader #alexander nox

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shhhlikeme · 4 years

Note

Hello, could I request tendou with an S/O who never wears revealing clothing suddenly surprises him one day wearing a virgin killer sweater? Thank you!

I HAD TO SEARCH WHAT THE SWEATER YOU SPEAK OF WAS AND WHEN I SAW IT 😳😳😳😳🥵 WHEW BOYYYYYY—I SEE HOW IT GOT ITS NAME, BECAUSE FAM—

(Pictures below & I love Tendou so much HE’S SO FINE to me 💦like sir plssssssssssssss)

————————————

Tendou Satori Seeing His S/O In A Virgin Killer Sweater For The First Time! 👕

(NSFW) 18+

————————————

Tendou is the most supportive and motivational boyfriend in the world....everybody knows that

He’s literally always lifting you up (mentally and physically) and calling you cute and perfect

He loves the fact that you’re always fully covered because he doesn’t have to kill every guy who turns your way because he knows they’re only wishing you were naked, which was kind of better, if that makes sense

You have no reason to dress the way you do you just do because you like the style. If you can look sexy while fully clothed it was much more chic to you

And your man agreed that you looked sexy all the time in your turtle necks and lose high waisted boyfriend jeans >>>

One day you went to his apartment knowing your red headed baby was probably bouncing off the walls awaiting your arrival

You invited yourself over for the first time because you just finished a full spring cleaning at your apartment and your boyfriend’s could definitely use one too even though he was pretty clean

You packed a big bag of cleaning supplies and headed over to his place

Bby met you at your car and carried everything up for you, insisting on holding your hand with his free hand the entire trip to the 4th floor and swinging your linked hands

“Babe, you’re embarrassing me.” You try to hide your face behind your hair as a family looks at you two grown adults acting like 4-year-olds.

“Oh Y/N, where is your LOVE spirit hmmm???”

“In the house. Where no one can see us.” You said seriously and your boyfriend only started humming happily like you hadn’t said anything.

You both loved being in eachothers company

Your boyfriend’s infectiously overjoyed and odd personality was addicting and he knew it, despite what you said

15 minutes in, Satori had been trying to help you spring clean but he was doing the most trying to dance with you and name each dish so you ordered him to just sit on the couch until you were done

Your initial plan was to have him literally sit on the couch and stay out of your way anyway but he rarely if ever listened

You had to tell him again and again

He fought you on the not helping front but you promised him a reward when everything was complete if he did it and Satori LOVED rewards so he made friends with the couch and turned on the tv

Phew 😅

You put your hair up and opened all the windows in case of dust. you were about to put on your cleaning gloves when you realized you were still in your nice outfit

Luckily in your cleaning bag you packed an extra so you rummaged through the bag where you placed something you’d never ever wear, something you don’t care about because those are fine if they got destroyed with bleach

You find the random sweater that your bestie had gotten you for your birthday that you placed in there. She’s always trying to get you to spice up your wardrobe but you threaten to fight her when she does so now she just buys you things and puts them in your closet

You secretly wear them for paint night or spring cleaning days like today

Knowing you’d never wear something that shows so much skin on a regular day, you slipped it on. it’s a rather odd knit sweater with no sleeves and it fit almost like a short dress. It defied all fashion laws and you thought it was hideous:

Perfect!

While your boyfriend is watching television, you slip back on your gloves and begin with watering his plants

Your cute lanky boy was bobbing his head to some singer on The Voice, cheering his fave on like it was a sport

He jumped on the couch to sing along and dance to the show knowing good and well you hate when he does that because he has broken a lot of furniture that exact same way

“Satori! What did I—oh my goodness!”

Your boyfriend had turned to you mid jump when you yelled his name but because he saw you in the sexiest outfit ever made, he lost his footing and balance on the descent and fell fast to the floor.

“Oh my God!!” You dropped the empty plant watering pot you were holding and raced to your boyfriends side. His eyes were closed for dramatic effect and he was waving his hands in front of him as if he didn’t know that the reason he couldn’t see is because his eyes are closed.

“Satori, baby, are you okay?!” You pat him down to ensure no broken bones and you caress his face. He grimaced.

“My head.......I can’t seeeee.....owww.....”

Your boyfriend groaned with his eyes still closed.

“My poor Tendou! Did you hit your head on the floor?! How many fingers am I holding up?!” You held up four fingers in front of his face while you slipped your other hand under his head so that it was resting on something softer.

Your boyfriend shakes his head and shrugs, his face contorted in pain.

“Open your eyes and maybe you’ll see how many fingers, Satori.” 😑 you say, fighting an eye roll.

“I need.......a doctor..........it hurts to open my eyes!” He exclaimed, clutching his head.

Your heart dropped and your face fell, uber worried that your boyfriend had a serious concussion. “Please open them and try, baby. I need you to identify 3 things in this room and if you can’t then we will go to the hospital. 3 things for me baby, try.”

Tendo squinted his eyes open barely. “I see.....” he cringes and you clutch him tighter. Your heart was beating so fast. Satori moved his head in your hand, looking over at the fallen watering jug.

“I see.....jugs.” He said.

You let out the breath you had been holding in, so happy that your boyfriend was able to identify something correctly. This was a good sign. “Oh my God Satori baby I really thought I’d need to bring you to—wait. Jugs? As in the plural?? How many jugs do you see Satori?”

Your boyfriend shook his head in displeasure at your loud voice. “I see three.” He finished while clutching his head again.

Your internal panic returned. He must be seeing triple since that is a symptom of a serious concussion! This was bad.

“Okay, come on I’m calling Ushijima we are going to the hospital—“

Your spaced-out sounding boyfriend felt the need to elaborate on his answer. He was speaking so softly you had to lean in closer just so you could hear him. “I see one jug over there...” The red head used both his hands to double point to the jug you dropped across the room.

“And two more jugs................................................here.”

His pointing hands moved in a semi circle that you followed with your eyes in confusion, until they landed on your boobs when he said ‘here.’

Gapping at your boyfriend like a fish, you went silent. You looked down at his hands, to his now smiling and very alert face, back to his hands and then back to his face that gave you a wink.

YOU.

WERE.

GOING.

TO.

KILL.

HIM.

Seething, you took a deep breath,

“TENDO SATORI YOU ARE SO DEA——mmmm.”

You started to yell at him but you were stopped because your boyfriend began to massage your boobs in your sweater, knowing that was your utter weakness. You moaned and bit your lip, all the anger you had toward killing him relinquishing from your body and replaced by pleasure.

Your boyfriend smirked as he lifted to sit up on his butt. “Oh no. You cannot get mad at me, little lady.” He tsk-ed, ever the broadway actor. “I still fell because of you, so it’s really your fault, hmmmm?” Through your sweater Tendo pinched your newly hard nipples and flicked them. It felt so nice and soft with the cotton material touching your sensitive areoles but it wasn’t nearly enough.

“Do you even know what this sweater is, beautiful? What it does?” He looked into your lust filled eyes with even darker ones. You shook your head, pressing your boobs into his attentive, so attentive hands.

“Fuck me, of course you don’t.......” He looked you up and down and licked his lips as he went back to groping your boobs pleasurably. “It’s called a virgin killer sweater, you inexperienced princess.” He tweaked your nipples again and came in close to you to kiss up and down your neck. When he pulled back to see you again and saw that you were still in the sweater and not fully covered as always, his semi boner grew to full length.

“Oh, am I going to have fun with you....” Your boyfriend captured you in a heated kiss and slipped one of his hands between your legs to softly massage you through your panties.

When he pulled away you asked him while dizzy, “A what-a what sweater? Virgin? Murder? Huh?”

He chuckled darkly, moving his body so that he was on top of you and you were laying on the carpet. While on top of you he caressed your smooth exposed legs with his hand and then bent to their level so he could land kisses on your inner thighs.

“Legend has it,” he began between kisses as he covers your thighs in hickeys, “That if your girlfriend wears this sweater it automatically kills any virgin man because he would just have to make love to you after seeing you in it.....”

You sighed in pleasure as your boyfriend removed your panties. He always became so serious when it came to sex and it was a parallel to his jokester personality.

But you loved it, especially when he was kissing your inner thighs so close to your needy spot like a damn professsio—

“Oh my G-God Satori,” you moaned as you felt your boyfriend’s long, purposeful tongue lick you from one end of your slit to the other. You were drenched down there from the nipple attention he started with and your boyfriend moaned in satisfaction as he tasted you on his tongue. You arched your back because of the vibrations of his sound.

“S-Satori.... we-we’re on the gr-ground.....”

Ignoring you, your man made a “W” shape with his tongue and dove in, paying special attention to stimulating your clit by encircling it which made you tug on his red hair.

He pulled back to softly blow cool air on your clit and you almost pulled out your baby’s hair because how good it felt!!

“F-fuck—“ you moaned.

After blowing on it to make it cold he replaced it with his warm tongue as to shift you from cold to hot sensations. Your toes curled. He was incredible at oral sex and he knew it.

Your boyfriend reached a hand up the inside of your sweater and grabbed one of your bare boobs, massaging it the way you loved. Usually your boyfriend spread the foreplay out in long sections, using his key ‘cum right now’ techniques like the boob play, the blowing, the moaning on your vag and the “W” at different points to draw out your orgasm, but right now he was combining all of them at once just to turn you on. To make you beg for him now so he could fuck you sooner. He couldn’t wait already, and he knew just how to get you to the same place as him in arousal.

He’s smart.

“I-I need you now, Ten, please—“

You grip his hair trying to pull him up so his dick would replace his perfect tongue. You were about to cum. “I need you inside me now.”

Pinching your nipple and blowing on your clit one more time before sucking it into his mouth, letting it go slowly and then kissing you there (to which you screaaamed his name), Tendou looked up at you with a winning smile. “Oh, that is music to my ears, baby.”

He unbuckled his pants and removed them, along with his shirt.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tongue fuck you and tease you longer, my love. I had to pull out all the stops right away because I need to be inside you right now. You have no idea what seeing you in that sweater is doing to me, princess.” Fully naked in all his glory, you look down to see your boyfriends hard cock standing at full attention.

“Tendo, I don’t care it felt amazing. I-just put your dick inside me—“

He grinned, circling his dripping precum all over his long dick. He leaned forward on you so that he could use your vaginal juices as lubricant. He rubbed his length between your pussy lips back and forth slowly not entering you yet, groaning as he did so. He was teasing himself like no tomorrow in the process.

You bit your lip and shut your eyes tightly as your orgasm approached without him even being inside you yet. Him lubricating himself on you manually felt too great and your toes curled and your back arched as you screamed his name over and over, riding out your first orgasm of the night.

“Oh my God, Princess.....” Still rubbing his dick in between your soaked and sensitive lips, your boyfriend stared down at you the whole time, only a little surprised that you climaxed so early.

To Tendou, seeing you orgasm while wearing a virgin killer sweater was absolutely the hottest thing HE’S ever seen!

“Y/N you looked unbelievable cumming right now........ Fair warning that I’m not going to be able to pull out. Not today—“ using his hand he spreads your wetness on any area still left uncovered. He stared at your chest in the sweater. “This looks perfect on you......it highlights your every feature. Your tits, your hips, your legs? How did I get you?” His eyes twinkled because he was so proud for managing to court you that he was going to make sure you two enjoyed this.

“The moment I saw you in this sweater my mind told me to stick my dick inside you.... I don’t know. I—“ Satori groaned as he witnessed you spread your legs open for him, wrapping them around his waist, inviting him inside.

“Let the sweater work it’s magic then, Satori.” You coo impatiently. Your seductive voice went straight to his dick as it pulsated on your lips.

He was about to explain to you just how fucking sexy you looked laying splat on the floor, dressed in a virgin killer sweater, face looking as kinds of seductive, but he couldn’t wait any longer. You looked too hot. He guessed he’d just have to show you.

“Fuuuuuuck Y/N.......”

Satori moaned loudly as he pushed inside your gripping walls.

He lifted your sweater up a tad so he could see your naked hips and tugged you closer to him. He was sitting on his knees with your legs wrapped around him.

Satori took three, maybe four slow testing thrusts that made you shudder before he began pounding into your heat rhythmically. Your combined juices were probably making a mess on the floor but neither of you cared because it felt so fucking good. While you and Tendo have fucked before this time was different. Your boyfriend was pounding into you as if he had no control over it and you loved it. It was like he was put under some spell when the sweater came on and you would like to thank the Genie 🧞‍♂️ who sprinkled their magic on this sweater design because you were happily reaping the benefits of its powers.. You moaned so loudly the plants must have heard you.

“You.....can’t....wear.....this.....around....me.” said Ten, matching his words to his thrusts. Seeing you look so sexy being fucked by him dressed like this, Tendou felt his balls tighten. You felt extraordinary inside but the look of you alone was driving him to the edge.

“You.....look......too......fucking.....good.....”

He reached down to rub your clit with his skilled fingers, hoping you were going to come over the edge with him. You arched your back in that sweater when he touched you there and you took it upon yourself to bunch the sweater material between your boobs so that they were naked and free. Satori felt like he was going to pass out by how hot you looked.

“Fuck, princess. You’re so beautiful. I don’t know what’s happening. I can’t even last because you’re wearing this? Shit, I’m gonna—“ Still thrusting and massaging your clit a bit harder now, he reached up to roll your hard nipple between his fingers again with his the other hand.

HOLD UP CAUSE I NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YALL:

THIS RED HEADED SEX GOD HAD BOTH HIS HANDS BUSY STIMULATING YOU AND HE WAS STILL GIVING YOU LONG DEEP THRUSTS: He was a jack of all trades and you were here for it huntyyy!

Moaning like you’ve never moaned before, you screamed your boyfriends name.

Satori was already there but he just knew that you had to cum with him. He was a very giving lover and he always made sure you came before him during penetration, despite whether you came earlier due to his tongue or not. But, now......with you dressed like that.......he wasn’t prepared for how much more turned on he’d be and consequently how much faster his tidal wave of an orgasm would hit him.

It was YOU, and it was THAT FUCKING SWEATER—and then it was you IN that sweater—that made Satori go from playing a joke on you because he only caught a glimpse of you in that: to fucking you silly on the ground when he saw you fully. You in that sweater made him want to empty his balls deep inside your heat over and over every time you wore it until you decide to throw it out.

As you gripped him deep inside your hot box as you always did, the pleasure was enhanced for your boyfriend due to your sexiness in that sweater. It was Satori’s toes’ turn to curl as his head fell back because he couldn’t handle the maximized erotica of watching you AND fucking you.

“I’m.....going.....to........cum........so........fucking......much.... Y/N—“ he moaned sexily.

One more deep stroke was all it took for Tendo to release a 15-second long orgasm inside you. Of course, his orgasm and his deep moans triggered your second one and you also rode out the longest orgasm you’ve ever had.

Still inside you, Satori collapsed with his back leaning on the back of the couch. You moved so that you were straddling him and leaned the entire front of your body on his front. You both panted like you just ran two 50K marathons.

Still trying to catch your breath you said,

“Wow. You’ve never cum that long before, babe. So you mean to tell me that our usual mind blowing sex had another level?!” You ask incredulously as your boyfriend peppered kisses on your shoulder.

“You mean to tell me that I can make you feel even better just by wearing this?! I’m not taking this off then.”

Tendo who had oddly already caught his breath, stood up with you still in his arms. He was usually all up for cockwarming after sex but that would be a no-go right now when you were looking so delectable. His dick hardened inside you as he walked you both around to the other side of the couch.

“Be careful what you wish for, Y/N.” your gorgeous red head warned as he placed you down on the couch and started sucking on your neck. You moaned as Tendo’s length twitched inside you. “Because you’re still wearing it now, and one of the side effects of this sweater isn’t only longer... stronger.. orgasms—“ He pulled out to thrust deep inside you, earning a moan from you both. Ten was horny again. “—It’s also its ability to make your boyfriend want to go again, and again, and again.....”

#tendou satori #hq tendou #tendo satori x reader #hq smutt #hq boys #shiratorizawa #tendou satori x you #haikyuu boys #haikyuu!!#hq headcanons #haikyu headcannons #haikyuu headcanons #sexy tendou satori

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raexxbb · 4 years

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Critic of Cartoons (SPOILERS!)

KyI figured I would begin doing on here what I do in my life. Rate a cartoon 10 out of 0 (-10 being highest/best and zero being the worst of the worst nonsense-) while telling my thoughts as to why. The third one is older and full of adventure with tales beyond what’s expected. Now on Netflix:

9 -Avatar: the Last Airbender

This may get a bit long ‘cause I want to bring each character justice. I love this show so much. I only deducted one point for the smallest of reasons otherwise it probably would have gotten a ten.

There’s a strong love-hate relationship with this show. All of the characters are incredible in there own unique way. My only issue is with the fact that the ‘hero gets the girl’ and does so by being whiny. It’s such a cliche and literally the only reason this show has a nine. The romantic element has a strong scale to hold but this show does a poor job of holding it up. Aang is fine, and I love Katara just not them romantically. Aang’s crush on her right away just rubbed me weird. I guess, it’s fine to crush on a pretty girl but to push the crush so much until she feels the same way... Katara had multiple boyfriends along the show and didn’t show much interest in Aang other then as a friend. So, them romantically together I never saw it being as Aang also pushes the chemistry. That’s it, my only issue is there in that relationship. Alone every character is very well thought out and placed in such a particular situation it makes them each perfect.

This forced kiss is the most disgusting moment in the entire show. He pushes this on her right after she says she’s confused and doesn’t know her feelings towards anyone. He’s just being childish (yes, I register he’s twelve) but if you want an adult relationship this is the wrong way to go about it. I don’t see why Katara would ever consider moving into a romantic relationship after this. Pushy is such a red-flag for me. Maybe I’m the only one that feels this way but it just outright infuriates me. Just look at how uncomfortable she looks during this moment.

Another thing I’d like to bring to light is the fact that Aang maybe a bit sexiest. I state this lightly ‘cause of the play episode in the third season. The thought came to be while reviewing Korra. Katara fights against sexism and to empower women. However, Aang became overly insulted when a woman was acting as him in the Ember Island play. Toph loved the idea of a guy playing her, but Aang just couldn’t get over his part being played by a female cast member. It is rude. Yes, everyone knows he still isn’t a girl but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t doing a decent job representing him. The fact that Katara still enters into a relationship just makes me feel like she’s going against something she stood so strongly for.

People may believe it’s because I favor Zuko and Katara but it isn’t that. Honestly, I’m no longer sure I like them as a couple anymore either. They have cute moments. There are just so many issues among all of the romantic relationships. Somehow, I found myself wishing it revolved more around friendship ‘cause the romance in this show wasn’t handled well at all.

The only reason I’d ever argue for Katara and Zuko to be a couple is because of the ending where he saves her life from Azula. I mean, yes, he put her in danger quite a few times but he was slowly redeeming himself throughout all of that. This wasn’t the only time he saved her and tried to give his life for hers. Throughout the third season of him trying to redeem himself, he tried the hardest with Katara because he had already betrayed her trust once.

Although, I’m still not saying they would’ve been the best couple either. Let’s not forget: they’re young -teenagers and children. If someone has found their soulmate already, good for them. It’s just abnormal and I’m trying to look at these relationships with a bit of a more realistic thought process.

There are a few times this show has been about friendship:

Toph was once worried about their friendships, however, one line from Roku gave her confidence and soothed her completely.

“Some friendships are so strong, they can even transcend lifetimes.” -Avatar Roku

Really love this quote from Roku~

Zuko’s redemption ark was beyond the best point in the show and had me balling the entire time, every time I’ve watched it gets my heart throbbing for this boy! What if his mother had taken him with her? His life would’ve been so different and probably a lot better! The scar would be gone. No father abuse for him! Of course, without him the Fire Nation would be even worse then it ever was.

“It was to teach you respect!” -Ozai

“It was cruel! And it was wrong!” -Zuko

“Then you’ve learned nothing!” -Ozai

“NO! I’ve learned everything! And, I’ve had to do it on my own.” -Zuko

That conversation with his father, where he finally stands up to such a horrible man was beyond astonishing. Especially seeing as it seemed like something Zuko would never do.

Although, Iroh new all along that Zuko is great.

“Then would you come and take your rightful place on the throne?” -Zuko

“No. Someone new much take the throne. An idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor. It has to be you, Prince Zuko.” -Iroh

Uncle has always believed in his nephew. That he would be the one to take the Fire Nation and bring balance to the world. They’re the best relationship in this show once Zuko stops being so angry.

Of course, there’s also the Mai of it all.

They’re occasionally good for each other. Their relationship is highly problematic. Mai is an awesome character alone, standing up to Azula when she’s terrified of her is great! However, Zuko and her argue nonstop and have an on-off dating history. It can be tiresome to watch. There just wasn’t any chemistry between them that I felt.

The only thing that I love about them is the prison scene. (Which could’ve been a friendship scene.)

Even when Zuko locks her away she chooses him. That is when I thought perhaps their relationship isn’t terrible. She still chooses him afterwards. Their behavior before is erratic and not that of a good relationship. Mai alone wouldn’t have been a trouble thing. Honestly, I relate to Mai as a gayer character then straight.

Although, that leads me to think about Azula, the girl of evil.

“My own mother, thought I was a monster...” -Azula

She’s only fourteen and she’s been raised by an abusive mad man. The entire background just makes me wish someone had tried to love her instead of shown her hatred. Her mother feared her, didn’t even say good-bye. Her brother had to fight her in order to save her from herself and father.

The thing that made her truly snap was her friends (only ‘cause they fear her) betray her. The last people she had on her side! She just needed love as Zuko did. It would probably take her years to recover from the madness just as it took Zuko. She needs love and help. Who was going to give it to her after the third season?

In the graphic novels, it’s revealed Zuko has her in a special insane asylum trying to give her the mental help she needs. But, she still seems tense and full of rage. It would’ve been nice to see further into that department of the Fire Nation.

These two are both extremely important. Their bond throughout the entire story is amazing. Him becoming his teacher was his true redemption, true honor came from that act. Of course, he learned so much from hunting Aang and trying to kill him as well.

Above all else, Uncle Iroh (-Zuko’s true father-) is definitely my favorite of all the characters. He’s just so warm and always does the right thing. He waited for Zuko when he went down the wrong path continuously knowing Zuko would realize his mistakes.

The White Lotus is one of the greatest things about this show.

“Don’t you know? All old people know each other?” -King Bumi

He’s just so hilarious and random. All of the great masters together in a secret society despite their nation’s differences is the most grandest thing.

Of course, another favorite is Appa.

The episode portraying animal abuse is heartwrenching. Him being taken from the ones that love and protect him only to be beaten and abused. This show goes beyond any other show in displaying all the different types of abuse in the world- emotional, physical... And it covers even more than this.

Another piece of me would’ve been interested in seeing if Aang had died and a water Avatar born to be the last Airbender. *Cough, cough* Maybe Katara? She is the most powerful bender in the show after all.

“I will never ever turn my back on people who need me!” -Katara

Perhaps instead of killing Aang off, just have them be wrong that he’s the Avatar and so whoever was actually got killed during the air temple raid. Causing the line to move on to water. Aang could’ve been trapped in an iceberg to be able to teach Katara air. Of course, that may not work if he weren’t able to waterbend and freeze a bubble around him. But, there’s definitely an air pocket in there.

It is one of the most beautiful cartoons ever created. Besides the fact I never really enjoyed Aang as the main character. All of the others are just so much more interesting then him, in my opinion.

Toph is one of the many characters I didn’t discuss. That fact just is that Toph is beyond incredible. She is the character that is ahead of her time. She proves that being disabled doesn’t mean she a person that’ll stop trying.That’s all, her blindness doesn’t work against her. Instead it works for her giving her a stronger way to see the world.

I’ll be doing Avatar: Legend of Korra at a later time. Trying to make sure I go back and re-watch everything to properly review it.

I really wish they would go back and create a show called Avatars about all of the past lives. Maybe 2/3 episodes to display each of them. There are hundreds and I’m curious to know more about them. I’d love to see Kyoshi as a badass teenager.

#NetFlix #Avatar: The Last Airbender #Critic of Cartoons #Zuko #Uncle Iroh is Zuko's true father #Katara #Sokka #Painted Lady #Appa #Animal Abuse #Uncle Iroh #Azula #Azula is a hurt baby that needs help #Mai alone #Shared Past #Avatar the Last Airbender should've been a friend show not a romantic one

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andrewmoocow · 4 years

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Steven Universe: The Fantastic Mutants chapter 4: The Deadpool and Peridot Show (originally posted on August 29, 2020)

AN: Welcome back to The Fantastic Mutants everyone. This is a very special chapter because here I have a co-writer, whether I like it or not.

Surprise everyone, it's me Deadpool! Since this kid refuses to get his writing done quickly, I've taken it upon myself to "help" him out since no one can understand me better than me. Now then, back to my cohost here.

Yes, Deadpool of all people has decided to help me. Though I'd rather do all of this myself without any distractions.

Kinda like how this author's note is distracting us from the actual main event! Now let's just get this rolling already!

We begin on a talk show set in a blank white space, inhabited solely by a drop-dead handsome mercenary dressed in a beautiful shade of red with hints of black that was currently tearing it apart for no good reason. You know him, you love him, it's the sexiest anti-hero to have ever graced this dying industry, Deadpool.

"Thank you, thank you all!" yours truly bowed for an unseen audience as he finished tearing the set apart. "Now if all y'all have been lying under a rock since like, I don't know, '91, I am known as Wade Winston Wilson. I was created by Rob Liefeld and Fabian Niecieza for The New Mutants #98 in February 199-"

"Wade, I believe everyone knows who you are already." My white thinky-box, represented by a bold underline, cut me off. "You're already an Internet legend and of course, there's Ryan Reynolds."

"Can we just can the prologue already?" my yellow thinky-box, also represented by underlining but this time it was in italics. "There's gotta be people coming here solely for us who don't know what's going on."

"Okay wiseguys, you asked for it." the man who looked like a cross between Ryan Reynolds and a Shar-Pei underneath that creepily adorable mask replied. "So in case you guys are just joining us, this is a crossover with the modern classic with some of the most psycho fans in the Internet, Steven Universe." I explained. "Last chapter, our smol sunshine baby of a protagonist was kidnapped by the Master of Magnetism Magneto for some most likely evil science experiment by our favorite evil dictator with a superiority complex to compliment his tiny dick, Doctor Doom. In response, the Crystal Gems have decided that they need more hands on deck, and more characters than this story already needs."

"What does he want this to be, the DC Extended Universe?"

"I'd watch that mouth if I were you buddy." I called the dialogue box out. "Our author here has had experiences with those fans. If that Englishman can think he's free to call MCU fans Marvel Zombies, than he's free to have his own opinion. But someone that fanatical deserves to be called something similar, like a DCheep! Get it, because he's a sheep!"

"Can we please move on? This recap has already taken up two pages and I got real-life things to do." The author begged Wade.

"Okay, okay! Let's get this started already, keep your pants on!" the masked macho-man declared, marching off stage in an alluring fashion. "Cue scenery!"

Not too far from Westchester County, there was a shitty apartment where dwelled the hideously scarred human mutate, Wade Wilson. He was out like a light after the badass battle to the death he totally had last night, no joke. Not even a chimichanga could wake him up, and he didn't care that much for them. Yeah, no joke.

"Come on you sack 'a crap, wake up!" his blind, black, elderly roommate Blind Al groaned while fishing Wade out of bed with a snow shovel. "How much off-screen carnage puts you this much to sleep?"

"Enough for readers to get a glimpse of what I do in my spare time." Deadpool declared as he woke up, looking like he had a fantastic night's sleep. "Morning Al, off to do a crossover, see ya later!" he hurriedly greeted the old woman before leaving his room.

"Should I tell him he's not wearing pants?" Al muttered to herself. "Naw, he'll figure it out himself."

And figure it out he did. Immediately after that scene, Deadpool was wandering around the street fully clothed and ready to get this chapter over with.

"So, can we have our co-stars please show themselves?"

The author complied by dropping Connie, Peridot, Lapis Lazuli, Bismuth and Nephrite into the scene. "Wait, how did we get here?" Peridot wondered aloud. "And who are you?"

"Ooh, I get to hang with everyone's favorite character!" Deadpool cheered. "I've been writing up jokes about the fans I've been wanting to say for quite a while." He added to the readers while searching his hammerspace for cue cards. "Let me see, Molotov cocktail, big-ass cartoon bomb, reminder to sue Marvel & Capcom for leaving me out of Infinite, God knows how many machine guns."

"Uh, while you're looking for whatever it is you want, let me introduce myself." Connie introduced herself. "My name is Connie, pleased to meet you."

"Hey, can you put your cue-card search on hold and say hi to the kid?"

"Ah, here they are!" Deadpool declared as he fished a series of flashcards from seemingly his butt. "Been wanting to do this for ages." He said before clearing his throat, and he began to read off of them.

"Here are some complaints I have heard about Steven Universe. Complaint #1: literally no one can stay on-model because storyboarding is the devil. Complaint #2: Rebecca Sugar is a total butchphobic abuse supporter because she treats Jasper like crap and lets Lapis off the hook despite the fact that she's even worse."

"Please note that these are clearly not the opinions of the author. He's just been around Tumblr a lot and knows just how these so-called 'fans' think."

"Who said that?" Bismuth wondered aloud. "Oh hey, Bismuth!" Wade exclaimed as he just took notice of her. "That reminds me, Complaint #3: Making Bismuth an antagonist in any way, shape or form is racist because all minorities are pretty little angels than must be defended at all costs despite the facts that we're all human beings who have the potential to be complete balls to the wall sociopathic!"

"Okay, now you're just being used as a mouthpiece for the author. Hey buddy, can you stop him by introducing your version of the X-Force?!"

As a way to shut him up, the writer dropped the X-Force into the current scene on top of Deadpool. Their members, aside from Wilson, consisted of big names like Cable, Domino, Bob & Psylocke, to those who are only familiar to movie-watchers like Copycat, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Yukio, Bedlam & Shatterstar, and even Outlaw & Fantomex!

"How did we get here?" Cable asked the other black-ops mutants as he got up. "Oh hey Natey, knew you'd come along sooner or later!" Wade greeted his cybernetic compadre. "I was just getting myself introduced to these characters that we'll be paired up with for this crossover."

"Hi, I'm Bob, Wade's best friend!" the HYDRA agent Bob cheerfully introduced himself. "Name's Domino." Neena Thurman responded.

"A pleasure to meet you, dearest jeune fille bleue." Fantomex greeted Lapis in a gentlemanly fashion. "You may call me Fantomex. "

"Charmed." Lapis replied.

"Wow, everyone wants Lapis! First Fandral, and now Fanto."

"Can you blame her? She's the writer's fave and top SU waifu! Favoritism much?"

"Name's Negasonic Teenage Warhead." Ellie Phimster introduced herself. "This here is Yukio." She added gesturing to a Japanese girl with pink hair and a big smile. "Hi there!"

"I'm Wade's girlfriend Vanessa, though a lot of people call me Copycat since that's my power." Vanessa stated. "Yeah, totally original."

"Call me Bedlam." Bedlam stated. "And this here is Shatterstar. Unlike the rest of us, he's an alien from the Mojoverse."

"And finally, these are Outlaw and Psylocke." Shatterstar gestured to the cowgirl and the ninja in the one piece. "Nice to meet ya." Inez Temple greeted. "Indeed." Betsy Braddock added.

"So, what brings you to my neck of the woods?" Deadpool asked Connie. "Don't give too much away, cause I already got a basic knowledge of what happened last chapter."

"Chapter?" Connie tilted her head in confusion. "Steven was kidnapped only an hour ago! What do you think this is, some kind of story?"

"You'd be surprised Girl-Who-Wasn't-Actually-Dressed-As-Gohan-In-That-One-Episode." The Merc with a Mouth grinned underneath his mask. Before anyone could move on however, a stereotypical overweight nerd who looks like he doesn't get out much wheeled in on an automated scooter with a plate of brownies in front of him. "And you are?"

"I am simply an SU Critical that wants to congratulate you for making my voice heard." The nerd congratulated Deadpool. "As a way of saying thanks, have some brownies."

"I get it! Deadpool won some brownie points!"

"Don't explain the joke dumbass. The punchline should be coming up now."

As Wade snacked on the brownies, he came to realize something was wrong with them. "Hey wait a second. Yo, stereotype! Why do these brownies taste like literal dogshit?!"

"That's my secret ingredient!" the nerd revealed, much to Wade's disgust and he angrily tossed the brownies on the ground. "It's to symbolize how I believe Steven Universe has gone bad ever since the barn arc ended since absolutely nothing can compare to the amazing character development Peridot got!"

"Oh, it's so nice to see someone notice my splendidness!" Peridot blushed as she felt humbled by the nerd. "Of course, then they had to devolve her into a mindless comic relief who only-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING MINDLESS COMIC RELIEF YOU CLOD?!" the small Gem shrieked furiously before she pounced on the basement dweller and began choking him. "I'll teach you to talk back to me immediately after giving my praises you hypocrite!"

As Peridot continued assaulting the nerd, everyone else watched in either shock, bemusement or in Deadpool's case, pride. "I think I want to be her new bestest friend already."

"But I thought we were friends!" Bob weeped sadly while Bedlam gave him a comforting pat on the head.

"And now it's time for a cutaway gag!"

"Cutaway gags? You gotta be kidding me, we're not Family Guy!"

"Just let the writer do his thing man, it's his imagination!"

"Come on Willy, I know you can do it!" a child version of Deadpool called to a whale in a scene that is clearly a reference to a certain all-time classic "Boy and his non-human friend" story. However just as Willy finally leaped over the rock Wade was standing on, he was immediately harpooned in midair and dragged towards a pirate ship manned by Captain Ahab. "Hey, wrong whale story Habbo Hotel!"

"After so many years of searching, that accursed whale is now mine to profit off!" Ahab and his crew celebrated their capture. "I'm talking sequels and an animated series to start, but the sky's the limit!"

"This ain't the last you'll see of me Old Thunder!" Wade cursed the sea captain as he made off with his prize. "I'll bring that whale home, just you wait!"

"Okay, that's a pretty unique idea for a gag. But seriously, back to the show."

"So, we're here because Magneto has kidnapped Steven with a bunch of Sentinels." Connie recapped to Deadpool while they were out and about in the city. "Now that you know what we're doing, can you tell us what you do?"

"I'm glad you asked Connie." Deadpool declared. "Allow me to explain the only way you Steven Universe characters probably know how. IN SONG!"

"Wait, a musical number, in a fanfiction?! Seriously?!"

"Hey shut it, this is gonna be good!"

"Lights please." Wade announced, shutting off the lights with a snap of his fingers, and turning them back on with another snap. He was now dressed as an Elvis impersonator with Cable, Domino, Bob and Copycat as his band. "What song do you plan on playing?" Vanessa asked her boyfriend.

"Just watch and listen." Wade responded, and began playing a parody of a classic movie song. "Here I go!" he started singing while Cable provided backup on the drums. "Woo! Ah-ha, ah-ha, let me show you what I work with!"

"Well Gambit was in league with a bunch of thieves, Cyclops has almost two thousand tales!" For his first act of insanity, the Regenerating Degenerate made about fifty longboxes filled with comics appear for Peridot & Lapis to rifle through. As soon as they discovered one with Wade fighting a vampire bat creature on the cover titled "Deadpool: The Gauntlet," the Deadpool on the cover continued the song.

"Well my friends, you're in luck cause up your sleeves, you got a kind of guy that never fails!" After Deadpool emerged from the issue Peridot was holding, he shot down various villains emerging from the other comics while singing.

"You got a real badass in your corner now, a real Wolverine type in your camp!" he then demonstrated by transforming his face into that of Logan's and then back again before letting bullets rain from above. "He can shoot, kablam! Bullets galore, all you gotta do is say my name!" Wade crooned. "And I'll say: 'Miss Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, what will your pleasure be?'"

As he sat the Gems down on a beach blanket, Deadpool then assumed pirate attire and set a heavy treasure chest on the ground. "Just give me a guy and I'll shoot him down, you ain't had a mercenary like me!"

Peridot began to excitedly open the chest while Lapis rolled her eyes. "Life's like a treasure chest," Wade's disembodied voice continued. When the treasure box was opened, the mercenary exploded out of it and made gold fly everywhere. "AND I'M GONNA BE YOUR KEY!"

Unlike her smaller partner, Lapis was still not amused. "C'mon, whisper to me what you want," Wade kept crooning, followed by splitting himself into four smaller Deadpools. "You ain't had a mercenary like me!"

"Contractors pride ourselves on service." One of the mini-Wades stated, and then they merged into the prime Wilson while spawning a lavish couch for his two guests. "You girls the hoss, the queens, the Shah! No matter what you wish, I'll be your bitch! How 'bout a few chimichangas?"

"Have some of Sample A, try all of Sample B!" Following the chimichanga rain, Peridot and Lapis were handed free samples at a supermarket before they found themselves on a velvet pillow held by Wade. "Anytime, any day, I'll help you babes. You ain't had a mercenary like me!"

A brief dance number then ensued between Deadpool and his hands. His left hand vocalized and the degenerate replied with an "Oh my!" When the right hand started singing, it was responded with "No no!" Both hands harmonized and they got a "Ha ha ha!" They sandwiched Deadpool between them as he peaced out with a "Zip-a-dee doo-dah!"

When Deadpool returned, he pointed straight at Peridot. "Give me a good badda-yadda-yadda!"

"Badda-yadda-yadda!" Peridot excitedly repeated. "Good, scotty-wop!" Wade then pointed to Lapis. Her reply was more unsure. "Uh, scotty-wop?"

"Everybody now!" Deadpool compelled the readers. "Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!"

"Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!" the readers answered excitedly.

"Yeah, y'all got it!" Wade congratulated before proceeding to demonstrate his healing factor. "Can your friends do this?" he asked, casually dislocating his arms. "Can your friends do that?" he added, ripping out his spinal cord to bounce on it like a certain stuffed tiger. "Can your friends pull this?" With that, Wade tore his skeleton out of his body and started dancing the Charleston with it. "Out a little hat?!"

Suddenly, Wade's skeleton started filling itself with dynamite sticks on the verge of exploding. "CAN YOUR FRIENDS GO-" The human mutate was interrupted as the TNT exploded, and the clouds gave way to him beatboxing while doing a silly dance.

"Call me the Merc with a Mouth, I am always there. North, West, East and South! So don't sit there slackjawed, all buggy-eyed! I'm here to answer all ya evening prayers!" he continued. "You got me bona-fide certified! A hired gun for your charge affair!"

"I got a powerful urge to help you out! So who's gonna die? I really need to know!" Deadpool said as the song began to reach its climax while pulling a long strip of paper from Peridot's mouth and began rubbing his bottom with it. "You got a list that's three miles long no doubt. So all you gotta do is pay-wayho!"

For the final setpiece, Peridot and Lapis now stood atop a mountain of dead Marvel characters that are so obscure, not even the most hardcore fans knew a thing about them. "Miss Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, what will your pleasure be?" Wade asked tunefully. Peridot then picked up one body, and its head suddenly turned into Deadpool's. "Anytime anyplace, I'll help you babes."

A few bodies rose from the dead, only for Deadpool to shoot them all down. "You ain't had a mercenary, never had a mercenary." He concluded. "You ain't had a mercenary, never had a mercenary."

Bullets once again began raining, along with all sorts of violent weapons as the song finally ended. "YOU AIN'T, HAD A, MERCE-NARY LIIIII-IIIIIKE MEEEEE!"

With the X-Force performing a kickline to finish things off, Deadpool pulled on a string dangling from above. "You ain't had a mercenary like me!" A flickering neon applause sign dropped down, capping off the rather pointless number.

"Well, that was a waste of time that'll never be spoken of again."

"Sincerest apologies to Alan Menken, Howard Ashman and especially Robin Williams. He would've been 69 this year. NICE!"

"Okay you generic-looking monster, time to discover who you truly are!" Connie declared to a captured Sasquatch while she, Peridot, Deadpool, Lapis and Cable were dressed as a certain band of meddling kids and their voracious canine pal. Connie ripped off the Sasquatch's head to reveal that it was a mask worn by an evil parrot with a scar across his face.

"Zoinks! Like, it's a parrot!" Deadpool declared in a beatnik voice. "Wait, a parrot? Is that all?"

"Far from it mein friends!" the parrot answered in a German accent. Suddenly, large robots kicked the walls around them down. "Behold, my Nazi robots!"

"N-Nazi robots?" Lapis stuttered. "Jeepers, this is just getting too weird."

Deadpool then glanced expectantly at Cable, who groaned while pushing up his glasses. "C'mon Cabey, say the line!" he exhorted the cyborg. With a heavy groan, Cable quietly said "Jinkies, run."

"He's right, let's split up gang!" Connie commanded, and the crew were off to the races. After passing by the same flowerpot approximately five times because there wasn't that much in the budget, the five came across a hallway littered with doors.

When Deadpool and Peridot burst into one door, they came out of another not too faraway, same with the others. However at the end of a door, they came across a blue digital ghost with yellow eyes & teeth and a grainy laugh.

"Ruh roh, rit's Rames Rarles the Rindly Rohnny!" Peridot exclaimed, making every word she spoke begin with R before she coughed. "How does anyone speak like this?" she asked Wade. "Because speech impediments are funny!" the mercenary replied. "Now let's move!"

"Seriously, why can't I be Fred?!" Cable complained while emerging from another door with Deadpool by his side instead of Lapis. "Connie gets the cool ascot, and all I'm left with is this bulky sweater and a short skirt!"

"Well for one, that skirt actually looks pretty cute on you." Wade answered with a stupidly cheeky grin on his face. Before anyone else could charge through more doors, zombie cats and dinosaurs that could move without thinking came charging in. "Wow, Scooby-Doo became a lot weirder than when I was a youngin."

Returning to the real world, the Crystal Temps and the X-Force have just plowed through an entire armed squadron inhabiting a conveniently abandoned office building and now had their leader tied up in a chair. "We ain't gonna let all those hallway fights amount to nothing!" Wade declared holding the squadron leader at gunpoint. "We've tried every torture technique in the book: eating your own food, threatening your family, doing a silly dance to some awesome music and yet still you won't talk!" he exclaimed. "So let me ask this again! What does the guy who gave Magneto & Doctor Doom those Sentinels look like?"

"What?" the gunman asked nervously, causing Wade to smash another wall. "WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM?!" the mercenary shrieked. "What?" the captive continued squeaking. "WHAT AIN'T NO COUNTRY I EVER HEARD OF!" Deadpool yelled. "THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN WHAT?!"

"What?" the man said a third time. "ENGLISH MOTHER-" Deadpool began, but then he noticed the T-rating and groaned. "ENGLISH YOU BASTARD, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!" he reiterated. "YES!" the gunman finally said something other than what. "THEN YOU MUST KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" Deadpool kept yelling. "WHAT DOES YOUR MASTER LOOK LIKE?!"

"We could just beat the info outta him and be done with it." Bedlam advised. "No need for all this Pulp Fiction parody crap."

"Was I talking to you?" Wade asked his teammate tersely before going back to his captive. "Now where was I? Oh yeah! Does he look like a bitch?"

"Now you're just skipping lines!" the gunman squealed in defiance. "What else do you wanna do with me?!"

"Okay, I got another question for you." Wade stated. "Have you had your prostate exam lately?"

"What?" the gunman muttered, fearing what could come next. "In fact, I got just the girl to help me." Wade declared. "Hey Connie, your MILF of a mom is a doctor right? Surely you must know what I'm talking about!"

"Yeah, pretty much!" Connie answered. "Here, lend me your sword. We might need to operate." Deadpool said as he menacingly snapped on a pair of rubber gloves. "Hey author, why don't we cut to another scene before this gets too violent?"

"Now then, what are we working with he-There it is!"

"AUGH!"

Elsewhere, a stereotypical shadowy figure watched from a large video screen as the X-Force tore through his mercenaries. "That masked maniac is onto us!" he growled quietly while pounding his fist on an armrest and turned his chair to face Ruckus, Gorgeous George, Hairbag, Ramrod & Slab, the Nasty Boyz. "You five track him & those rainbow women down and kill them all!"

"Yes sir." The Nasty Boyz complied and set off for the Merc with a Mouth. "Now where do you suppose the merc could be now?" Hairbag asked his fellow Boyz. "My best guess, he's probably at that Hellhouse run by Patch." the Southern-accented Slab theorized. "Hopefully they have room for his head as a trophy."

"Well here we are at Saint Margaret's School for Wayward Children." Deadpool decreed as he suddenly parked a limo that he totally always had in front of the mercenary dispatch center he loved frequenting. "I suggest you try not to look at some of its inhabitants funny, some of them can get a little ballistic."

Entering the bar, the two teams had all eyes on them by all the other mercs at the establishment. "Uh, hello there." Connie nervously greeted one of them. "I don't think you're old enough to be here little girl." The mercenary replied ominously. "Don't worry Jessica, they're with me." Deadpool told the larger man. "So, where's Weasel?"

"Right here old buddy!" the bespectacled bartender called for Wade. "Hey, Weasel!" Wade exclaimed to his old friend while sitting down at the bar and exchanging a fistbump. "I see you're doing well Poolboy." Weasel said to his friend. "And who's the green midget with you?"

"This is Peridot, a member of the Crystal Gems." Shatterstar introduced Peridot. "Oh, you mean those rock ladies that creamed those Chitauri only to get creamed by Thanos?" Weasel asked, making Peridot pretty mad. "Hey, we creamed Thanos right back!"

"We're looking for information sir." Connie said to Weasel. "A friend of mine has been captured by Magneto & Doctor Doom using those Sentinel robots, and we want to know where they've come from."

"You want confidential info little girl?" the barkeep stated. "Go see Multiple Man over there at that poker table, he's usually the guy to talk to since he's a detective."

"Yet one mystery he can't solve is the mystery of why he can never get his own movie."

"ZING!"

At a nearby poker table, Jamie Madrox and some of his duplicates were playing cards with the albino mutant Caliban, and the four Jamies clearly had the upper hand. "All in!" one of the clones declared shoving his chips into the pot. "I know you are cheating Madrox." Caliban informed his opponent. "I mean, there are literally four of you!"

Just then, Deadpool abruptly shot one of the clones dead and sat down where he once was. "Deal me in." he simply declared as if nothing happened. "Caliban welcomes you Mr. Pool." Caliban nervously greeted the regenerating degenerate. "And who is your little friend?"

"You may call me Peridot, the suave, attractive and positively adorable leader of the Crystal Gems!" Peridot introduced herself arrogantly. "So, you more members of the X-Men? Haven't seen you around the mansion."

"Actually, we're members of a different team of mutants." Madrox replied, while his surviving doubles sadly carried their dead comrade away. "There are actually quite a lot of them you see. X-Factor; the one we're a part of, X-Statix, Excalibur, Generation X, the Morlocks and most famously Alpha Flight."

"Half of them sound so late 20th to early 21st century." Peridot commented. "I mean, X-Statix? Talk about totally cool dudes!"

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Is this Saint Margaret's? We'd like to have a word with the owner." A voice came from the other side, catching all the patrons and employees off-guard. All was quiet, but then the Nasty Boyz came crashing through the wall instead of the door. "LET'S GET NASTY!" they all cried out, springing into action.

"Alright, what the shit is going on here?!" Bob "Patch" Stirrat, the elderly owner of Saint Margaret's growled, emerging from another room while stroking his big bushy mustache. "Oh god, it's the Nasty Boyz."

"The Nasty Boyz?" Peridot and Lapis repeated in unison before they laughed at the evil mutant team's name. Suddenly, the wood tables of the bar came to life and changed their form thanks to Ramrod, who used them to restrain everyone aside from Deadpool. "Okay boys, frisk him."

On Ramrod's orders, Gorgeous George used his shapeshifting powers to grab Wade by the ankles and dangle him above the ground. "Let's see what he's got here." Ruckus muttered, fishing through the belongings dropped as Wade was shaken up and down. "Various pistols, swords, nunchucks, staves, forks, a bazooka."

"Most of those were from a Ninja Turtles convention I went to last year." Wade revealed. "Don't know where the bazooka came from."

"Rubber chicken, five month old bag of pizza pockets; that are still warm," Slab continued for his teammate. "Ryan Reynolds's phone number, large collection of nude selfies from Thumbelin-WHAT?!"

To Slab's absolute shock and fury, he found an overfilled file of lewd pictures taken by his sister Kristina Anderson with her phone number on it, along with a message saying "I bet you want more, my raging sex machine!" Crushing the file in his hand, Slab furiously glared at Deadpool. "Wilson, you son of a bitch!"

"Geez Chris, I thought you had a sense of humor." Wade grinned cheekily. "After all, SHE'S YOUR SISTER!" Then like Thor returning Mjolnir to his hand, the mercenary wiggled his fingers to call one of his katana blades back and free himself from Gorgeous George before rescuing his friends. "SSSSSSmokin'!" he hissed before spin-dashing out of the bar.

"After that degenerate!" Hairbag exclaimed while Slab frothed in wordless rage and the Boyz gave chase, leaving the bar in tatters. "Hey, which of you assholes is gonna clean this up?!" Patch exclaimed, but then he answered his own question by handing Weasel a broom.

"Everyone, to the Deadpoolmobile!" Deadpool exclaimed as the X-Force and Crystal Temps piled into the limousine from earlier. "Where did you ever get this car anyways?" Bismuth asked him, and he replied. "Don't think about it!"

Far across the city, Robert Kelly was left facepalming and a colleague of his scratching his head when they discovered that one of Kelly's limos was missing, its place taken by a graffiti message saying "I O U".

"I hate that Deadpool." Senator Kelly groaned.

"You get back here this instant you red-masked c-" Slab called for Deadpool as the Nasty Boyz chased them in a stolen taxi, but his cursing was cut off by Deadpool popping out the sunroof of the limousine to open fire on them.

"Wait, if Deadpool is up there, then who is driving?" Connie asked the group, and that's when Yukio made a shocking realization. "Oh my god, Demon Bear is driving!" she exclaimed pointing to a demonic bear that was taking the wheel. "How can that be?!"

"That's right folks, Lawrence Abrams is here to report that the insanely infamous insane mercenary Deadpool has started an intense car chase where he's hijacked a limo belonging to Senator Robert Kelly and is being chased by a group of other mutants called the Nasty Boyz." Lawrence Abrams said on the television at the Baxter Building, where Garnet, Pearl, Colossus and Wolverine had now caught wind of the event. "And there's also some kinda bear driving the limo for some reason. Why's there a bear?! Who gives a damn! And now onto Sally Floyd with politics!"

"Deadpool." Colossus glowered in embarrassment. "Come my friends, we must go and handle this crisis ourselves." He declared while preparing to leave the building. "But you let Connie go on that mission for her optimism." Pearl stated to the metal mutant while setting Reed and Sue's young son Franklin Richards on the floor.

"We know Pearl, but that maniac is a whole 'nother level of unpredictable." Wolverine grumbled. "And there's a high chance Connie's life is at risk here! Right Garnet?"

"Logan is correct. I can see multiple paths where things go horribly wrong." Garnet agreed with Logan. "Oh, you're leaving already?" Franklin's older sister Valeria asked them. "Mom and Dad were just about to introduce you to H.E.R.B.I.E."

"It's alright Valeria, they still have friends to help." Susan assured her daughter. "Go on Gems, we'll catch up with you back at the mansion."

"It's been a pleasure to be shown around the Baxter Building and meeting the kids Sue." Pearl said gratefully and shook the Invisible Woman's hand. "I especially like how Franklin reminds me of Steven."

"Bye Ms. Pearl!" Franklin said goodbye by hugging the tall Gem's leg. "Oh, goodbye to you too Frank." Pearl replied. "Hey, what about me?!" the Four's AI H.E.R.B.I.E exclaimed irritably. "Don't I get anything to say?!"

"Oy Cain, you gotta check this out!" Black Tom called to Juggernaut while he was watching TV. The Brotherhood of Mutants had stopped to refuel their ship and Black Tom had run off on his own when he discovered a TV shop playing the same news report of Deadpool's car chase. "What say we give Deadpool an old one-two before Mags finishes up?"

"You son of a bitch, I'm in!" Juggernaut exclaimed eagerly, giving his teammate a fist-bump that knocked Tom to the ground. "You okay there?"

"We have your limousine surrounded! Come out of the vehicle with your hands in the air!" a police officer barked into a bullhorn as they had Deadpool and pals backed into a corner. "I would make a police brutality joke, but even I know that would be too soon." Wade said to the readers as he screeched the limo to a stop, making donuts on the street and damaging numerous police cars in the process.

"Okay, now you're just either showing off or defying us." The cop with the megaphone japed. Just then, a mighty thud briefly shook the ground. And another. And another. And another. And-

"Quit stalling writer, we know who it is! It's the goddamn Juggernaut!" Deadpool interrupted the third-person omniscient narrator. "Literally everyone and their goddamn long lost relatives know who he is!" The mighty Juggernaut continued inching closer to the fanboying mercenary while the police scattered out of fear of him and Peridot poked her head out the sunroof to see what was up.

"Uh, Wade?" the petite Gem squeaked nervously. "You know who that is right?"

"Didn't I just say that it's ol' Juggernaut?!" Wade exclaimed to his new best friend. "Oh, the things I could say about how much of a badass he is! This guy has beaten the shit outta Cyttorak, the Thing, Colossus, Blob & Thor and even called banging She-Hulk a stalemate! Maybe, that last one was actually a cl-"

Before Deadpool could finish the sentence, Juggernaut grabbed him by the neck with just two fingers and brought him very close to his helmeted face. "Hello Wade." He beamed callously. "Hey Cainy, is that new toothpaste I smell?" Deadpool greeted him nervously. "What flavor is it this time, Feeling Bad About Your Shitty Mutant Powers So You Get New Ones from Cyttorak?"

"Goddamn he went there." Black Tom muttered, only to receive a glare from his partner.

"Deadpool!" Garnet called for the Merc with a Mouth as she, Pearl, Colossus and Wolverine entered the scene. "Oh, hey guys." Peridot nervously waved to her fellow Crystal Gems. "What brings you here?"

"We came here to take control of this current situation." Pearl explained. "No matter how much you want to swear and kill and all sorts of other crass activities, we still need your help in saving a friend of ours."

"I appreciate you want me to be more involved in this story Mordecai," Wade said to Pearl. "but can this wait a bit? I'm currently in the middle of worshipping the Juggernaut, bit-"

However within seconds, Deadpool was mashed into the ground by Juggernaut, leaving only a few scattered body parts lying in a puddle of blood. "Oh, so rude!" his disembodied head declared indignantly. "And to think we were buddies at one time Marky-Mark." He then turned to face the audience one last time before the degenerate would meet his not very possible untimely end. "But since I'm literally nothing but blood, my head, a few fingers, an upper arm and my dick right now, let's lighten the mood a little with some more gags, shall we?"

"As if we didn't waste enough time already."

"I love the smell of 372,844 pancakes in the morning." Deadpool declared as he flipped his last pancake and added it to the growing mountain of pancakes. "Smells like victory!"

"Why on Earth would you need this many pancakes?" Bismuth asked while Deadpool turned on the ceiling sprinklers to pour maple syrup all over each and every one of them at once. "Well, that's pretty clever I'll admit."

"Okay Peridot, ace this test and you're on the team!" Wade, now a coach for the girls' swim team comprised of Lapis, Bismuth, Domino, Warhead, Yukio, Outlaw, Copycat, Psylocke & Nephrite, announced to their soon to be newest member Peridot while she prepared to dive.

"This is it Peri, get this right and you'll make everyone proud!" Peridot muttered to herself while adjusting her cap and gazing at Lapis. As soon as Coach Wade blew the whistle, Peridot leaped into the water…and soon began struggling to keep herself afloat in a very exaggerated manner. "AAAAAGH, SOMEONE HELP! LIFEGUARD, COACH, SOS! THIS WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA!" she shrieked for help before the chlorinated water won out and she sank to the bottom.

"I'll save you!" Cable roared while assuming the role of a lifeguard, preparing to jump in the water after her when Wade stopped him. "No no, wait for the punchline."

When Peridot finally breached the surface, she dramatically gasped for air and then frantically paddled towards the end of the pool, grabbing the ledge with a serious expression on her face. "So, how do you like my swimming?" she asked, acting like nothing had happened. However, no one else was there to answer except for Deadpool. "Hey, where did everyone go?!"

"They jumped ship an hour ago because they were tired of waiting." Wade answered. "But you still get on the team cause you really made me laugh."

"Gotta say Lapis, we got quite a team here." Deadpool remarked proudly to his fellow baseball player Lapis. "Uh, yeah, they're great." Lapis nervously replied while failing to get the joke. "So, who's on first?"

"Yeah, and what's on second." Wade responded eagerly. "No, I want to know who's on first." Lapis continued asking. "Exactly! We already established that who's on first, what's on second and I don't know is third."

"Wait, do you not know their names or are those seriously what they're called?" the ocean Gem asked, causing great irritation for her team captain. "Dammit Lapis, you spoiled the punchline!" he reprimanded her. "In fact, this whole Abbott and Costello tribute was just an excuse to see you dress up as Bob again! I mean, can you blame me with those shorts?"

"Abbott and who now?" Lapis remarked with a raised eyebrow.

"You really need to get out more." Wade deadpanned, lowering his eyelids in response.

"Welcome back one and all to Celebrity Jeopardy." Pearl announced, now dressed as Alex Trebek. "Now before we proceed, I'd like to apologize on the behalf of our contestants to all viewers with rather unusual lifestyles. We here at the studio refuse to judge anyone based on how they live, and sincerely hope you accept our apologies. Now then, let's proceed with our contestants."

Deadpool was in the podium closest to Pearl, now dressed as Sean Connery. "Mr. Connery is in first place with only -1 dollar." Pearl began recapping for the viewers at home. "About as many points as your mother gave you!" Wade cackled.

"Classy." Pearl responded crossly before shining the spotlight on Lewis Black, aka Peridot. "Mr. Black now has a score of, shockingly enough, -6,000 dollars." She explained, prompting the small Gem turned abrasive comedian to climb up on top of her podium in the middle. "Is that enough to buy my own bus?"

"And finally, Josh Brolin, now having raised 35 dollars." Pearl concluded while Juggernaut assumed the role of the aforementioned actor many may know as a certain Mad Titan. "I don't feel so good." Cain muttered. "Damn, walked right into that one!"

"Very well then. With introductions out of the way, let's move onto the board." Pearl stated, moving her eyes from the podiums to the categories. "Tonight our categories are Annals of History, Potent Potables, What Bulls Hit, Jokes, Popular Foreign Television, Places with Names Ending in 'Nia' and Video Games." Deadpool then pressed his buzzer. "Mr. Connery, you have the board."

"I'll take What Bullshit for $500 Al." Wade announced with a stupid grin on his face, clearly misreading the category he had chosen. "And I can tell you plenty of things that are bullshit."

"No, it clearly says What Bulls-" Pearl began to correct the masked contestant before she came to a realization. "Whoa! Okay, walked right into that one. Anyways, the question is: "It is commonly believed bulls are enraged by this color". Mr. Connery?"

"I'll tell you something I've hit recently." Deadpool chortled. "Hit up a few bars over the past week while hanging with your mom. She and I had a wonderful time, if you get what I mean! Wink wink, nudge nudge."

"I don't even have a mother!" Pearl ranted hotly. "And can we please return to what was happening earlier?! These pop culture references are nothing but a waste of time!"

"Thank you!"

"Boldface, you ignorant slut."

"Oh no, Wade!" Peridot yelled for Deadpool as she dashed out the limo to check on the puddle of blood and body parts that was once her new friend. "Please speak to us you clod, you can't die like this!"

"That's because I can't!" Deadpool proudly declared and in a beautiful Disney-like spectacle, slowly reassembled himself until he was the full-bodied lovable manic once again. "Healing factor baby! Got it when some asshole tried to cure my cancer, along with looking like a walking tumor."

"Uh hey, remember us?" the Nasty Boyz cried out in unison, catching the merc's attention. "Oh right, you guys. Gotta wrap up the chapter somehow." As a result, Wade opened fire on the evil mutants, shooting them in the arms, kneecaps and especially their dicks. "Oh and Bismuth, Peridot? You guys got Black Tom & Juggies. I'll take Garnet and Pearl!"

"You got it, I guess." Bismuth complied before she and her little friend squared off with Cassidy & Cain, leaving Wade alone against the senior Crystal Gems.

"Hey, what about us?" Lapis asked the writer, who responded by typing, "Didn't think that far ahead. You guys can just do crowd control."

"Okay Q-Bert and Drinking Bird," Deadpool exclaimed. "you two may have thousands of years of battle experience on your show but in terms of franchise ages, I've been doing this for far longer! There was even a graphic novel trilogy where an actually insane version of me killed the rest of Marvel, tons of classic literature characters and even other versions of me!"

"Do you have any idea what he's saying anymore?" Pearl asked Garnet. "I'm not sure. I fear he may be too unpredictable for us to comprehend!" Garnet answered fearfully. "You can try if you want." Deadpool beckoned them with a silly dance. "But I can assure you that hilarity will ensue!"

Pearl leaped at the Merc with a Mouth, but she was quickly denied a hit when Wade did a pirouette and kicked her in the back, sending her flying into a lamppost. "See, what did I tells ya?!"

Garnet tried her hand at attacking by enlarging her gauntlets & launching them at her foe, but they proved to be useless against him. Deadpool then rapidly fired his gun at Garnet, but she blocked all the bullets with her gauntlets and then finally moved so fast, not even Deadpool could catch her and was punched in the face.

"Wow okay, you got the guts!" Wade yelled while readjusting his head from the hit. "Seems like I really am a bit outmatched by you Garnet. Or maybe a certain someone just wants to make things fair!"

"Come on you maniac, what else can you throw at us?!" Pearl asked pointing her spear. "Oh what else can I throw?" Deadpool replied, letting out a sinister giggle while wearing a pair of shiny glasses and clasping his fingers together. "Let me show you!"

Whipping out his katana blades, Deadpool laughed maniacally while using them to tear the background apart, leaving nothing but a blank white space behind. "WELCOME CRYSTAL GEMS TO MY TURF! I PRESENT TO YOU THE FOURTH WALL, WHERE LOGIC IS JUST AS ILLEGAL AS JAYWALKING!"

"This is starting to remind me of that Uncle person." Pearl muttered in awe. "I thought we promised to never speak of that man again." Garnet instructed the former servant. "Well if he wants to make jokes and talk to the audience, then so can we."

When the two Gems joined hand, there was a bright shimmer as the pair merged into the returning glamorous Sardonyx. "Ladies, gentlemen and everyone in-between, the Gem Hostess with the Mostest has finally returned!" the fusion of Garnet and Pearl announced. "And it seems we have a very special guest star today."

"Sardonyx, huh?" Deadpool muttered while scrolling through the Steven Universe wiki for statistics. "Oh I see, she's here because we can both break the fourth wall!"

"A worthy opponent for you I must say!" Sardonyx chortled before smashing Deadpool in with her hammer. "Of course you realize this means war!" Wade roared, proceeding to whip out numerous cartoon guns, launching them all at once. "RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA-RATA!" he screamed while launching lead at his fusion foe, following up with a declaration of "Omae wa mou shindeiru."

"N-NANI?!" Sardonyx cried out in shock before she spontaneously combusted with a cry of "HIDEBU!" However, the explosion cleared up and she was perfectly fine. "Psyche! Hammer time!"

Before Sardonyx could hit Deadpool with the hammer again, he disappeared into a cartoon hole like it were a solid object and reappeared out another. "Ha, that Spot douche should take notes from-OH GOD!"

"Anyone up for Whack-A-Mole?!" Sardonyx exclaimed, proceeding to whack her opponent multiple times with her hammer before he vanished and popped out another hole. And another, and another, and another, and another, until the hiding began to tire him out. "Jesus she's good." Wade panted, and then he began to make a plan. "I swore that I would never use this the moment I stole it from those schmoes, but I'm left with no choice!"

Sticking a hand up his red-clad butt, Deadpool pulled it out while holding a small black jewel that seemed similar to the Infinity Stones. "Ough, I also swore to never use it again because looking for it is a literal pain in my ass!"

"That Infinity Stone isn't canon!" Sardonyx objected while sounding like a stereotypical nerd. "Oh it may not be canon my dear, but we're in the Fourth Wall where anything could happen." Deadpool explained deviously. "With this Continuity Stone, I could warp all reality to my whims! I could use it to go back in time and erase One More Day by preventing Civil War from happening, or maybe beat the shit outta that Judas Traveller prick and his butt-buddies! But what I plan on doing now is using this stone to erase you from this reality once and for all!"

"Oh no, I don't feel so good!" Sardonyx dramatically announced as she felt herself fading away. "I'm melting! Melting! Oh what a world, what a world!" With that, the fusion finally vanished and presumably Garnet & Pearl as well. As Deadpool let out a heavy sigh, he suddenly realized that the Continuity Stone was now missing. "What the?! Where did it go!?"

"Looking for something Ninja Spidey?" a familiar voice rang out. Sardonyx was now back to normal and smugly held the Stone in her hand, setting it down like a golfball and swinging it at Deadpool's eye, causing his body to explode.

"Can I at least get one F-bomb in Mr. Author Man? Please?" Wade begged the author by putting on his best puppy dog eyes until his disembodied head landed in one of Sardonyx's hands. "To be or not to be," she began quoting Shakespeare. "That is the question."

"I got a question." The mercenary's head growled angrily. "On a scale from one to ten, how much do you think I FUCKING hate you?"

"Watch the mouth sonny, children could be reading this!" Sardonyx chortled. "Now then, let's finish this chapter!"

One bypass of the chapter break later, Sardonyx and the defeated Deadpool were now out of the Fourth Wall and back in the real world where the Nasty Boyz, Juggernaut & Black Tom were now nowhere to be seen.

"Okay, I give up!" Deadpool complained while his body began to regenerate. "I'll go with your stupid plan! Didn't really need to treat me like how Pearl killed that one Irishman during the Easter Rising."

"It was an accident!" Pearl exclaimed as she and Garnet defused. "And how did you possibly know?"

"But before we move onto the next chapter, can we make a quick stop first?" Deadpool asked. "There's a joke I think needs resolving."

"You'll never take the whale from me Wilson!" Captain Ahab exclaimed as he engaged in a swordfight with the dread pirate Straw Hat Deadpool and his motley crew. "I'll surrender when I get eaten alive!"

"Funny you should mention that Habbo." First Mate Peridot sneered before she whistled loudly for Willy to breach the surface, breaking most of Ahab's ship and swallowing him whole. "I'll get you for this Wade!" Ahab shrieked vengefully. "You haven't seen the last of me!"

When Ahab was finally swallowed, Willy gave the pirates his farewells and dove back into the water, free again at last.

"What did parodying both Free Willy and Moby Dick have to do with anything?" Pearl asked Straw Hat Deadpool. "You know what? After what I've experienced, I don't think I want to know."

At long last, the chapter is done! Good thing too, because my partner has just started college as we write this and all that education is gonna cut into his freetime!

Yes indeed, the next chapter will take a bit longer to come out because of college. But I still get a few months off soon, so there you go.

Well, that should settle it. You get some free writing done and I won't take your ANDY ONLY stuff. Hasta luego amigo! And be sure to give my regards to your mom!

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heavenboy09 · 5 months

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Happy Birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊 To You

The Most Iconic & Legendary All American Blonde 👱‍♂️ Haired Top Actor & Influential Of The Entertainment Industry 👏 Of The 20th Century On The Planet Today.

William Bradley Pitt was born on December 18, 1963, in Shawnee, Oklahoma, to William Alvin Pitt, the proprietor of a trucking company, and Jane Etta (née Hillhouse), a school counselor. The family soon moved to Springfield, Missouri, where he lived together with his younger siblings, Douglas Pitt (born 1966) and Julie Neal (born 1969).

He is an American actor and film producer. He is the recipient of various accolades, including two Academy Awards, two British Academy Film Awards, two Golden Globe Awards, and a Primetime Emmy Award. As a public figure, Pitt has been cited as one of the most powerful and influential people in the American entertainment industry.

Pitt first gained recognition as a cowboy hitchhiker in the Ridley Scott road film Thelma & Louise (1991). His first leading roles in big-budget productions came with the drama films A River Runs Through It (1992) and Legends of the Fall (1994). He also starred in the horror film Interview with the Vampire (1994), alongside Tom Cruise. He gave critically acclaimed performances in David Fincher's crime thriller Seven (1995) and the science fiction film 12 Monkeys (1995). The latter earned him a Golden Globe Award for Best Supporting Actor and his first Academy Award nomination.

Pitt found greater commercial success starring in Steven Soderbergh's heist film Ocean's Eleven (2001), and reprised his role in its sequels. He cemented his leading man status starring in blockbusters such as the historical epic Troy (2004), the romantic crime film Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005), the horror film World War Z (2013), and the action film Bullet Train (2022). Pitt also starred in the critically acclaimed films Fight Club (1999), Babel (2006), The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007), Burn After Reading (2008), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Tree of Life (2011), and The Big Short (2015). Pitt received Academy Award nominations for his performances in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) and Moneyball (2011), and he won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for playing a stuntman in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019).

In 2001, Pitt co-founded the production company Plan B Entertainment. He produced The Departed (2006), 12 Years a Slave (2013), and Moonlight (2016), all of which won the Academy Award for Best Picture, while others such as The Tree of Life (2011), Moneyball (2011), Selma (2014), and The Big Short (2015) were nominated for the award.

Pitt was named People's Sexiest Man Alive in 1995 and 2000. His personal life is the subject of wide publicity. He is divorced from actresses Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie. Pitt has six children with Jolie, three of whom were adopted internationally.

Please Wish This Incredible & Top Academy Award Winning & Favoriteable Actor Of The Acting World 🌎

YOU KNOW HIM.

YOU LOVE HIM. ESPECIALLY THE LADIES. CALM DOWN NOW.

& YOU CANT HELP BUT NOT LIKE HIM FOR HIS CHARMING CHARISMATIC GOOD LOOKS

THE 1 & ONLY

MR. WILLIAM BRADLEY PITT AKA BRAD PITT 👱‍♂️

HAPPY 60TH BIRTHDAY 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊 TO YOU MR. PITT & HERE'S TO MANY MORE YEARS TO COME

#BradPitt

Something tells me alot of women are going to be Liking and Reblogging This post by the time I wake up in the morning lol 😆 Keep your Pants On Ladies.

#Brad Pitt #Spotify

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frvyas · 4 years

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↳ INSTAGRAM: @FREYANILS UPLOADED A PHOTO 10 MINUTES AGO

it’s @lana_jameson’s 22nd birthday which means it’s a national holiday. 💖💓💕💗💘💝💞 everyone is required to take this day off n drink a whole bottle of wine n flash ur tits in her honor? if u don’t then ur disgusting and awful. bt anyway next part is LOCKED TO EVERYONE... love u lana. don’t think i could’ve gotten luckier in the best friend department....it’s sickening....i wd kill adam flynn for u if u wanted. and any other man. i don’t care. i don’t think i can say wt i want in so many words 😔 so here r some DICK SISTERS VERIFIED LANA JAMESON REVIEWS:

“5.5 billion stars. Been visiting this one since 2017. Always met with warmth and smells nice. Sometimes you’re just in a bad mood and it is quickly noted and everything is done to make you feel better. Delightful. Will visit for a friendly shoulder to rest on for the rest of my life.” - elias paxton, hockey star extraordinaire, probably has a huge dick.

“no complaints 👍” - gunner paxton, sexy man of many words, definitely has a huge dick.

“5 out of 5 stars - very nice presentation, neatly wrapped, comes with fun features such as feather boas, cowboy hats, and even water guns filled with tequila if you're lucky. smiles available at any time, always top notch quality, will warm your heart straight away. can provide the best advice if prompted, will not even notice. highly recommended if you're looking for a friend of the most superb quality.” - levi park, owner of big sexy brain, cutie patootie.

“nice tits” - viktor samuels, liege of being sexy, liege of being annoying.

“hey lana, happy birthday 😊 ur one of the best people i know & i owe u a lot – don’t think i would’ve been as happy at radcliffe if u weren’t here. u have this rlly bright energy & i catch myself smiling whenever ur around. hope u have the best year possible filled with as many pairs of avant garde sunglasses as ur heart desires ✨” - rowan cahill, boring but sexy, disgustingly handsome.

“five out of five stars. one of the coolest girls i’ve had the pleasure of hanging out with. smiles and laughter guaranteed. smells like a bakery but also a candy shop. will only make fun of you a little bit if you shove a whole dumpling into your mouth and burn your tongue. but it’s cool because even when she makes fun of you it feels special. would love to be made fun of by lana jameson anytime, anyplace.” - dom evans, disgusting simp, owner of phat ass.

“11/10, have ordered this product on several occasions and have been satisfied and satiated every time. definitely recommend if ur looking to bust a fat nut (and other things thts jst where my mind went to)” - leo fowler, pussy slayer, radcliffe’s biggest sex symbol.

“sometimes it feels like i've been sucked into a technicolor world where everything is shaped like hearts and daisies when she walks in. bit disorienting but i'm always down for the ride. 1000/10 would let her spit in my mouth” - romy kelso, pegging legend, hot piece of ass.

“being around her is like all the best feelings of being a kid again & trying to understand her means not appreciating what’s most beautiful. pure of soul, kind of heart and JUICY of ASS. lana jameson is a gem unlike any other. if u don’t agree with that? then you literally owe me money.” - marlowe, sexy holder of shovels, superstar artiste.

“a good replacement for the star on top of your christmas tree :')” - rosa samuels, best tits i’ve seen, sweetest woman alive.

“u are the hottest and most entertaining and best supplier of [redacted] i have ever met in my life and im not just saying this shit bc freya is holding me at knifepoint right now (if u want to see me alive again pls give her 3 slices of cake and she will consider sparing me). ur not funnier than freya bc again, she has me at knifepoint rn, but ur at least as hilarious as she is. genuinely glad i know u. please free me.” - will costello, father, son, bastard.

“queen of the ages and angel in the land of gods n monsters wow happy birthday love. what is this place without you honestly” - blue ferreira, queen of stars, blower of bubbles.

❤ 687 ✐ VIEW ALL 52 COMMENTS

fifi_cel happy bday girlie 😘 domevans happy birthday lana! 😊🎂❤️ ↳ freyanils omggg heart emoji? disgusting behavior. blocked. milesaldenn even evil women deserve nice birthdays ig so happy birthday!!!! lana_jameson im SO disgusted n this definitely DID!!!!! NOT!!!!! make me cry in ANY!!!! WAY!!!!! ty n love u all bt love u MOST u sexy bad bitch 💅👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩❤️🔪 renlopez HAPPY BIRTHDAY LANA UR THE SEXIEST BADDEST ANGEL IN TOWN

#radsocial #* / lana .#this is long but i'm not sorry :knife:#u know the drill....comment if ur char wd....smiles

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be-dazzled · 4 years

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#SIYC

Gray Fullbuster, Juvia Lockser FFnet link: click here Tumblr link: explore here Genre: Multi-chapter, Romance, Comedy Rating: M for Sensitive Content and Language

Summary: Gray Fullbuster is a player both in love and in life. He plays Professional Basketball and is being groomed to be in line with Basketball Legends Michael Jordan, Lebron James, Kobe Bryant and Stephen Curry. There’s just one problem, Gray Fullbuster is a play-ah. His life is a giant mess of crazy parties, waking up with random women and waking up in random women’s apartments. Just living the life.

The opinion of the public on him is waning. To save the million-dollar endorsements in the verge of disappearing, Gray needs to change his image. Therefore, Gray Fullbuster, Fiore Knight’s Team Captain and Most Valuable Player, will be in the next season of “My Star Can Dance”.

There’s another problem: it seems like his star isn’t that bright since his partner, one of Fiore’s prominent ballerinas, doesn’t know him? His billboard is hanging in front of her dancing school! And it was a good billboard since all he was wearing was his six-pack and an Aztec bandana. How come she didn’t notice?

...

You the one that I dream about all day You the one that I think about always You are the one so I make sure I behave My love is your love, your love is my love

– You Da One, Rihanna

…

It’s been a week or so since the weekend they spent at Juvia’s hometown. She had her mother to thank for the awkward morning following the paper bag incident and what was or were inside it. Juvia just couldn’t face Gray after that because all she could think about was the paper bag full of protection sitting atop her counter. Juvia had her mother to blame for turning her into some kind of a deprived woman who hadn’t had sex in ten years.

Everything just reminded her that she was indeed a woman who hand’s had sex in… she forgot how long. Like when Hoopster was in a one-on-one basketball game with Juvia’s father. Gray’s dark gray shirt clung to his toned abdomen and Juvia could only keep herself from sinfully tracing what they called the ‘happy trail’. When Gray took off his already wet shirt, Juvia swore her mouth ran dry. If she was a man, her blood rushed to that one place.

All she could think about was feeling Gray’s skin against her fingertips.

So, Juvia decided it would be better for her, her heart and her hormones not see Gray for the meantime; just until she got over him and his undeniably delicious body. It was impossible: one, not to see him because of the dance show, and two, it’s hard to get over that godly body of his.

Juvia, stop. Your mother catching you ogling the Hoopster was enough – embarrassing enough.

A polite knock pulled Juvia’s attention toward the twin wooden doors that spitted out the man of her thoughts recently. He had his casual clothes on – plain white tee and faded denim jeans. Nothing said casual more than his raven hair swept under his Fiore Knights bull cap. When their eyes met, the corner of Gray’s mouth tipped. He looked ready to run towards her and pull her in the tightest embrace. Juvia was sure all she wanted was to fall into his arms. However, someone else demanded her attention.

“Finally, Mr. Gray is here.”

Juvia twitched at the moniker. How many times did she ask her friend never to call Hoopster by the name of one of the sexiest main leads in erotic literature? Because she could easily see Christian Grey in Gray Fullbuster. That goes without saying, her inner goddess was clapping back at her – Ms. Juvia Steel.

A single snap of Levy’s small and slender fingers pulled her away from her ‘Fifty Shades of Gray Fullbuster’ sexy dreams.

“You should really stop drooling over Gray so much if you want to keep your dignity intact, Juvia.” Levy scolded.

“I’m not drooling over anyone.” Juvia denied, trying to sound non-defensive by masking her blushing with disinterest.

Gray approached the two, shaking Levy’s hand while pulling Juvia closer against him. He leaned in to plant a soft peck on Juvia’s left cheek and the ballerina almost jumped in surprise. For a second, she thought Gray would kiss her on the lips, right in front of Shrimp. She almost had a heart-attack.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” Juvia sheepishly replied.

Gray hadn’t released her yet. Rather, he kept her hand clasped in his and maintained their position. He had his back on Levy so he took the chance to say something he wanted to tell Juvia since they came back from her hometown.

“I really miss you.”

Juvia smiled, her gaze saying the same, that she really missed him too. Now that they were a couple, they managed to have conversation through their love-stricken eyes.

“Is there something going on between you two?”

“Yes/No.”

The couple answered in unison, albeit differently.

Which made the assistant show-writer even more suspicious.

It wasn’t like Juvia was trying to hide their relationship or anything. She told Gray it was better to keep it from the public so that they could enjoy their relationship in private. It was hard not to be able to hug or kiss each other at a whim but because of the show, Gray and Juvia was catapulted to fame. Since then, Gray and Juvia became public figures. Gray was used to the attention. He already had a large number of following – basketball fanatic or otherwise. But Juvia wasn’t. She wasn’t used to the limelight.

However, Juvia knew this little secret wouldn’t last that long. It was going to come out one way or the other. So, she decided she was going to tell Shrimp about everything. She was her best friend, after all. Levy knew all about the Gray-spell Juvia was under in High School. She’d sit her best friend later. For now, she’d like to keep Shrimp wandering.

“Really? ‘Cause you guys appear to be so–”

“–So, what’s the next challenge?”

Juvia quickly changed the subject when Levy was about to attempt to ask further. She knew how crazy it drove her best-friend and she’d like to keep it that way for a little while.

“Oh, that’s right!”

Excitement was written all over the assistant show-writer’s face.

“This week you are going to dance the tango.”

“Tango?”

“Yes! And guess who suggested it.” Levy didn’t even give Juvia the time to breathe when she announced, “it’s Aquarius!”

The name breathed life to the fan-girl in Juvia. Gray could only cover his ears from all the fan-girl screaming. As the Hoopster watched his girlfriend and her friend jumped around in circle, he realized how it was for Julian Lockser. This was a girl thing he apparently wasn’t a part of.

“She’s so blown away by your chemistry that she wanted to see you two in a more sensual dance.”

The word made Juvia stop dead in her jumping, which made the whole celebratory jumping awkward. Levy was left hopping on her own.

“Sensual?”

The memory of the bag of “protection” Olivia brought came haunting her again.

…

Social dancing wasn’t Juvia’s cup of tea. She was a ballerina through and through. So, the producers of the show hired a coach to teach Gray and Juvia one of the most intimate and fiery dances for couples – the Tango.

Lyon Vastia was one of Magnolia’s top dancers. He met with today’s hottest dance loveteam – Gruvia, as their fans fondly call them on tweetit. Juvia heard about him. They ran within same circle but it was the first time she met him face to face. Juvia, however, had other pressing concern, such as Levy’s announcement.

“Aquarius said she will be visiting you guys during training.”

The ballerina wasn’t sure if the radical heartbeat was due to excitement, pressure, or nerves. Probably, all of the above. Yet, she was thankful. All these fantasies she had about Gray, his hair between her fingers and abs under her fingertips, flown out the window. She couldn’t even care less about this Lyon guy who was apparently trying to catch her attention.

“We’ll have the team take video footage too.” Levy informed.

“I guess we should jump into it then.” Lyon started.

Juvia couldn’t agree more.

The ballroom instructor started their stretching. He was quite handsy with Juvia, which earned an obviously indiscreet hiss from Fiore Knight’s MVP. Juvia could tell her boyfriend did not like this Lyon guy one bit.

…

Gray narrowed his midnight blue eyes at the dance coach with the funny bluish-silver hair. At first, he thought the coach was gay or something. He had never met a guy who was as limber as that Lyon guy. But with the way he was holding and looking at Juvia, Gray was convinced otherwise.

The green-eyed monster stomped over where Lyon was teaching the ballerina basic steps in Tango. Wasn’t this handsy Lyon supposed to be teaching him? Among the three of them, Gray wasn’t the professional dancer.

“I think I got it.” Gray proclaimed as he insinuated himself between the two and took what was rightfully his.

The Hoopster tried to remember where Lyon placed his hands on Juvia. He placed his open palm at the small of Juvia’s back and enclosed one hand in his. Jealousy blocked his view; he didn’t notice Juvia suddenly blushing at the contact. But looking into her blue stunned eyes, Gray became worried.

“You nervous?” He started a conversation.

“A little.” Juvia responded.

But Gray could recognize the tension on her worried eyes.

“We’ll gonna do fine. Better even.”

Little did he know, Aquarius wasn’t the reason why Juvia was all red and tensed.

“Hey, guys. I’m still here.”

Lyon tried to catch the couple’s attention but Gray enjoyed ignoring him.

…

Juvia’s mind was in a mess and it was in a contest with her heart. Her heartbeat was erratic and she knew exactly why – Gray was standing in front of her, smiling with that sinfully sexy smile of his, holding her with heat that penetrated through her skin and entire being.

When it was Lyon’s hands on her, her body had no reaction. Her mind was still on the fact that she needed to impress her childhood dance hero yet again. But when it was Gray, when it was that raven-haired Hoopster who stood inches away from her, when it was his hands that pulled her closer against him, her whole body was electrified.

“You nervous?”

“A little.” Juvia couldn’t fully comprehend the question. She lost her voice for a moment before she responded. Her mind was still focused on Gray’s lips.

“We’ll gonna do fine.”

At the back of her mind, Olivia’s voice was telling her to just go for it.

“Better even.”

Juvia wondered, were they talking about the dance or…

“Hey guys, I’m still here.”

Lyon’s presence made her realize that yes, it was about the dance.

Focus, Juvia!

…

Juvia called for a time-out. She needed a break from Gray’s electrifying touch. It was definitely reminding her that she was twenty five and she was a woman. But above all, that she was a professional. So, in order to regain her senses and composure, Juvia needed to step away from that gorgeous distraction.

Juvia got a tumbler full of water from the dispenser. She dabbed a towel all over her face and placed it around her neck. Juvia watched the bustle inside her studio. On one end, there was a group of men and women in black shirts with the word ‘crew’ printed at the back. Then, there was Shrimp, leading a discussion with a circle of writers. She scribbled on her notes every now and then. At the other end, not too far from where the dance coach was resting, there was her boyfriend – Gray Fullbuster. She watched him take out a towel from his duffle and bury his face on it. Then he sat on the floor with legs spread open. He unceremoniously downed the water from his own tumbler.

Juvia saw the Hoopster threw what clearly was a dirty look. The recipient was the unsuspecting dance coach. A cute little snicker escaped the ballerina’s lips and a smile painted itself on her face. She found it amusing. Gray was a full grown man; Juvia was reminded of that fact with the way he held her, kissed her and the way he made her feel that only Gray could make her feel. Sometimes, however, she was reminded of how they first met. So, it shouldn’t be a surprise if the Hoopster – her Hoopster – acted like a child; just like how Gray was acting jealous of the new dance coach.

She also found it cute how Gray would throw himself at and in between Juvia and Lyon, purposely but discreetly, especially when the dance coach got unnecessarily close. He’d use his body and block Lyon’s alleged advances. He would say he got the step when he obviously has not. Gray was acting so possessive he ended up as the female partner with Lyon taking the lead. The ballerina mentally noted Gray’s fall from glory and promised herself to tease the Hoopster about it, endlessly.

“Hey Juvs!”

Juvia knew that shriek even if she had her back from it.

“Aquarius is in the building.”

Juvia sprayed the water out before she could swallow it. Good thing Levy was in a good distance. Otherwise, she would have taken a second shower.

“I’m sorry, what?!”

Juvia heard it the first time but her ears couldn’t believe it.

“Yeah.” Levy refused to repeat it. “She’s coming right up here.”

Juvia didn’t know what to do. She wanted to scold herself but that she couldn’t even do. Her mind went totally dark. Panic rooted her on the floor until the door finally spitted out Magnolia’s Prima Ballerina.

“So are you just gonna stand there?”

Juvia jumped at the low voice. She managed to turn around and face the owner.

“Go say hi.” Gray suggested.

But before Juvia could utter another word, her ballet hero already approached them.

“Magnolia’s favorite dance couple.” Aquarius addressed them. “Gruvia, right?” She probably recognized the surprise in Juvia’s eyes when she explained, “I read the news and I’m on tweetit too.”

Aquarius’ heels tapped on the wooden floor as she approached the couple. Confidence put a slight bounce on her steps. She gave them a once-over; one that made Juvia’s heartbeat triple. But Magnolia’s Prima Ballerina and the show’s Head Judge was not trying to be intimidating. The friendly smile on Aquarius’ thin lips said so.

The sight stunned Juvia for a second, not able to believe her own eyes. But lo and behold, it was her childhood dance hero, in the flesh.

“Welcome, Ms. Aquarius.” It was Gray who extended his hand towards the guest and placed a soft peck at the back of her palm.

“Oh, Mr. Fullbuster, always the charmer.” Aquarius giggled.

Only when Aquarius’ expectant eyes landed on Juvia did she remember her manners. She almost kissed her hand when she realized that wasn’t how you do it.

“Ms. Aquarius, it’s such an honor.” When Juvia was able to compose herself, she managed to spit out coherent words.

Juvia didn’t actually hear what her dance hero said but the latter’s lips read ‘lovely’.

Aquarius looked around the studio. There was an air about Aquarius that reminded Juvia of the older version of herself – Olivia Lockser.

“Lovely studio.” That one Juvia heard but the Prima Ballerina’s back was still at her.

She wasn’t judging my studio, was she?

A sudden want to impress Juvia’s dance hero hit her.

“Ms. Aquarius!” The dance instructor emerged from behind Gray. “We haven’t been introduced but I am Lyon Vastia,” He extended his arm to receive the hand of the Prima Ballerina. “I’m the tango instructor. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” But instead of shaking her hand, Lyon repeated what Gray did earlier.

Chivalry wasn’t dead in this generation.

Aquarius answered him with a timid smile of modesty. Then, she asked him for an update as to the dance challenge. Lyon Vastia gave her the rundown, only good words to say about the couple. Aquarius looked pretty happy about it. She spun around and turned to Juvia with eager eyes and satisfied smile.

Juvia wasn’t sure what to do so her returned smile appeared rather awkward.

“Do you two have any idea why I picked Tango?”

It was the childish Hoopster who answered, “’Cause my chest would look good in that deep V polo shirt?”

Aquarius began to giggle as if something clever was said.

“No, Mr. Fullbuster. Although that’s one of the reasons.” She teased back.

Juvia should really start jumping in the conversation but she couldn’t seem to find the right timing.

“I suggested Tango because you two have no idea how your chemistry is overflowing.” Aquarius’ suspicious blue eyes jumped between Gray and Juvia. Then, an idea made the corner of her mouth tip. “It’s so overflowing I’m beginning to think this isn’t just for TV.” A lone eyebrow teased a little.

Juvia gave out a nervous laugh – one which raised some brows around the room and felt like required some explanation. But thanks to the male crew carrying an on-standby handheld broadcast camcorder, Juvia was saved by the bell.

“Ms. Aquarius, we’re ready for you.”

“Alright.” Aquarius quickly replied. Then, she excused herself from the group. She walked across the room and towards the interview set-up. A crewmember put on her lapel and asked her to sit on the comfortable armchair.

The Prima Ballerina easily talked into the camera as if she was giving an interview. Gray and Juvia went over to watch. They both agreed that the fifty-year old ballerina looked good both on and off screen.

“When you dance, you don’t just move with your body.” Aquarius said in ease like she was used to being on camera. “You move with your mind, your heart and your soul.”

Juvia’s amused eyes were glued on the Prima Ballerina and every word that came out of Aquarius’s mouth fascinated Juvia. But there was something she said that caught the young ballerina’s attention.

“That’s why they said that dancing is like making love.”

Now, where did she hear that before?

...

Writer’s Corner: Hello there, loves! So, as you all know, I forgot my laptop at the city I work in. Because of the Corona Virus plaguing the world today, our region declared a community quarantine, which means I can’t travel so freely. Hence, the new photo header. Also, I hope everyone is doing okay despite this pandemic scare. I hope you guys stay at home and be healthy. Lastly, please look forward for my Gruvia Week entries this 2020. Love you!

#gray x juvia #gruvia #she's in your court #siyc #gruvia au #gray fullbuster #juvia lockser #gruvia isn't dead #gruvia forever #modern gruvia #writeblr #gruvia fanfiction #gruvia fanfic #gruvia modern au

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