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after-nine-at-the-oasis · 9 months

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I JUST FINISHED EPISODE FIVE AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GUESS WHAT'S PLAYING ON REPEAT IN MY HEAD!!! IT'S "YOU KISSED MY BOYFRIEND?" :'DDDD!!!

I HOPE Y'ALL ARE ENJOYING LAUGHING AT MY PAIN 😭😭😭 no genuinely I hope it helps soften this for you lol

I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine

Anyway 🤪✌️ let's get going :)

CARLOSSSSSS 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔!!!! I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU GUYS BUT NO ONE IS GOING THROUGH IT AS MUCH AS CARLOS EXCEPT MAYBE RICKY

YOU ALL JUST CAN'T MATCH UP

Anyway xD. I honestly felt SO bad for Carlos this episode. But you know what I didn't expect to come out of this storyline xd? The part of his conversation with Miss Jenn where they (the show) talked about the high standards for gay people in society, tied into Carlos's body and self esteem issues. Like?? Hello??? Honestly a slay?? I'm not gonna say it makes this WORTH IT, but still lol.

And, to be totally honest or a moment, the longer it goes on, the more okay I am with this storyline. Obviously I don't like "cheating gay" trope, but with Big Red explaining what happened I'm feeling a bit better about it. And I mean hey - it's angst. And also, it's a TV show, and people (especially tv characters lol) make mistakes. I'm not saying I've forgiven either of them yet lol, but I still love them.

Anyway! Back to my drama lol. Besides that serious stuff though Carlos and Miss Jenn's scene was HILARIOUS lol xD. Also, back on the serious stuff for a moment, I love how she acknowledged that it doesn't just go away, but promised to be there by his side through it :'). Beautiful <3.

Now. We'll be back to Carlos in a moment, because I'm gonna discuss Big Red and Ashlyn first lol.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I WAS S O HOPING HE WOULDN'T SAY IT!!! Our greatest fears came true y'all 😭. Also I gotta say I LOVE that Ashlyn was defending Carlos. But also, since she was, and not really defending herself, I think that was a pretty sure sign that it was over xD. They were great, and now, they've grown up, and changed, and they're different :'). Honestly that scene made me feel better about the whole thing than anything else. It honestly kind of mad me okay with the storyline lol? Like I said, I'm loving the angst, and honestly? I just don't enjoy disliking things. Is this how I wanted it to go down, for any of them? No. But it's what I have :). Anyway, HUAOFWIZMOFKAGSKNL I WAS DYING THROUGHOUT THAT ENTIRE SCENE!!! Y'all the liveblogging of panic that was being sent to my sibling 😭😭 xD.

But AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH ASHLYN COMING OUT!!!! :'DDDD. And finally (it's been one episode lol) an explanation on what happened 😭. Yeah honestly I feel like that's the best possible choice. My mans (as in men) just let the impulsive thoughts win 😌 /hj xDD. Or, the best possible option I guess, lol. Anyway, that honestly was the most beautiful breakup ever :'D. They just. . . genuinely were on the same page :'). Given that Redlyn's the last OG ship left (besides Seblos, but yk, they're B-U-R-N-T lol xD they better be fine though -.-), it does feel a bit bittersweet :'). Mostly bitter lol xd. I just- sighh. It's better this way for both of them, but I will miss them :'/. Ash is right - it really does feel like the end of an era x'd. Ahh, my babeys <3.

Goodbye and Rest in Peace, Redlyn <3. You were wonderful :').

Also at this time I'd like to once again bring up the fact that we were jokingly considering Big Rashlyn as the ship name LOL. Wayyy back in the day xD. Anyway lol.

Oh and also, I like that Big Red actually DID pick up on the Maddox and Ashlyn thing lol :'). Good for him xD. Also, it kinda shows again that he and Ash had changed really early on :( :').

Now, back to Carlos lol xd. Yeah, we're doing this part a bit chronologically since it involves all three of them and the background is important for both sides of it lol (Big Red and Ashlyn as one side because their scene was together lol). STOPPPP Caros wanting the international tea 😭😭💔 honey I'm so sorry but this meeting is about to crash and burn :'(( <33. And then I just- BIG RED!! THIS IS THE WORST THING YOU'VE DONE SO FAR!! WORSE THAN KISSING SEB!!! YOU TOLD CARLOS, NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS PART, BY DOING A DOUBLE THUMB POINT!!!! Okay, maybe it's on equal footing with smiling while you told Ash xD, BUT STILL!!!! Y'all 😭. Seriously I rewatched that part like three times though. Just like, those 30 seconds of them talking. Carlos's HURT is just what gets to me 😭💔. The hurt and heartbreak and anger in his voice just K I L L E D M E!!! I'm not okay 😭😭😭❤️💔. But honestly I loved it lol xd because it was just SO. GOOD!! Also "I'm very fond of you" 😭😭😭😭 STOP. That whole line honestly - like I said, the whole conversation xdd 😭😭💔❤️. I love them so much and this hurts <33.

Also, I could insult Big Red by saying you don't have to worry about the self conscious side of it anymore Carlos, but I will not because that was a joke my brain made that I don't believe anyway xD. I mean, obviously Seb doesn't feel that way, but you know lol.

Anyway!! I am super stressed and not at all ready :')). Especially because the next episode started a little bit before I could pause it (and then the disney+ logo bit just. disappeared from the runtime lol) and I SAW THAT CARLOS'S SHIRT IS THE ONE HE HAS ON IN OVER AGAIN!!! LIKE I'M PRETTY SURE!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! It took me a minute of having it paused at the very beginning of the recap but then when I registered it I was like o.o xD. Anyway!

Going from those three into Ash, honeyyy 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔. Madison picking up 😭😭 :'(((. It's okay honey, I'm sure Maddox still likes you, it's probably a misunderstanding D':. Maybe they were breaking up and Maddox didn't answer because she was upset lol. Anyway xD! I felt so bad for her 😭😭. Also AAHHHH HER CLEANING OUT HER LOCKER HIGDKZOSMP 😭😭😭. Like of their pictures :'((. But I was also like xD "chill girl they're still your friends 😭 xD" lol. Maybe she left like one of Big Red so he's equal to her other friends xD. I justified she didn't have multiple of Maddox :((. But, anyway, ouch <3333.

AAAAAHHHHHHHH KOURTNEYYYY!! I'M SO HAPPY FOR HER :'DDDD. Obviously this whole thing is still scary, but she just seems genuinely happy here :'). I don't think we would've seen that if we watched her visit an Ivy League. And then the song being her sign 😭😭😭- stop, don't talk to me <33. It was perfect :')). And AAAHHHHHH IT WAS SO GOOD!!!!! GIRL YOU SLAYED S O H A R D :DDDD!!! WHOOOO ❤️❤️🤩🥰😍🥳🥳😭❤️❤️. Good crying lol <3. It was just amazing :'D. And again, I'm just so happy that she's happy 🥰. Obviously it's still scary, and anxiety-inducing, and weird, but I think she feels a tiny bit more confident in her journey now :'). And hopefully, she can enjoy the year a little bit more <3. Also, I love how surprised they all looked when she started singing xD. A very real reaction lol. And as they SHOULD, she is amazing :DDDD. I love her so much <3333.

AAAHHHHHH EJ!!!! HE'S HERE :DDDD!!! Well I mean, he's not here lol, he's there, but you know xD. HE'S ARRIVED ON THE SHOWWW!!! Lol xD. Anyway!! AAHHHH He's thriving so much :'D. And he's away from his dad :')). I'm honestly just so happy for him <333. Also, it seems like he may mayhaps (just go with it - lol call me ginain 1x05- anyway xD) have a thing going on with Val 👀👀? Good for you EJ :'D. I'm happy for you :') 🥰. He deserves this so much <333. Also, that SONG!!! IT WAS AMAZING 😭😭❤️❤️❤️. And AYYY they finally let Matt play guitar :D xD. I love him so much lol <3. EJ and Matt :).

RINA!! Okay so Ricky first, man was going through it 😭😭💔❤️. I definitely think he really needed that time with EJ <3. And honestly just, time away in general. But not alone :). But like, between seeing how EJ is flourishing (especially given what EJ said at the end), and being outside of everything and being able to look at it with an outside perspective (from himself and EJ), it was what he needed :'). Also that tough love was really what he needed 😭 xD. Seriously though, EJ saying basically that he would do anything for Gina, and the she deserves the best? 😭😭😭😭😭😭💔❤️❤️ Stop, I'm not okay <3333. But seriously, their conversation was just SO. GOOD. And the ACTING bro don't even get me started on how amazing everyone's acting has been 😭😭💔❤️. But Ricky crying? Dang that hit HARD!! And yeah, EJ said exactly what he needed to hear. A little comfort in the way of having faith of him, a little tough love, and just plain old love. He's finally starting to heal, to not run, and I just love that so much for him :')). I'm so happy for Ricky 😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰 :')). He deserves this <3.

Also them hugging and saying I love you 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️. I can't dude I love them so much <333. They really are brothers :')).

Though I've gotta say that right after/during that I was like "and after you keep stealing his girlfriends too :')" AND THEN THEY BASICALLY SAID THAT SLFJGHDKGJLS XDD!! That part was amazing lol, on its own too xD. And also the guitar :'D. Lovely <333.

GINAAA!!! GIRL YOU WERE SLAYING SO HARD THIS EPISODE :DDD! GIRL SHE WAS SLAYING SO HARD THIS EPISODE :DDDD!!! Like all the filming?? YES girl go off :O :DD!! Although I am kinda like. "Bestie the rehearsal xD." still lol, but to be fair that still wouldn't have been enough xD. Anyway, I'm glad Mack got to have dinner with them and honestly just be kinda normal for a bit :). Like, him trying to pay? Nah, dude :). And hey, Gina's doing what she said :p. She's training him how to live life a bit :'D. Also Gina's mom liking him was sus 😭😭. I mean like, sus in a :'((( way because she likes him and would let Gina date him but that's just because he's successful DD':. And that's rude frankly :'((. I mean it's more than rude but still lol. And then YES Gina honestly ska <33 stad up to her :)). I know you love her but she ain't perfect and she needs to know what you have to say <3.

And then, that last scene (with Rina). AAAAHHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. Y'all I was freaking out and then HE SAW MACK AND HE TURNED AWAY AND I WAS ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND I SWEAR, BUT THEN AAAAAHHHHHHHHH GINA SAW HIM :DDDD!!! AND I WAS SCARED SHE WOULD BE TOO LATE BUT P H E W SHE WASN'T 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰 :'DDD!!! AND AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH SHE TOLD HER MOM ABOUT THEM :'DDDD!!!!!! AND AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH WAS THAT SECOND CHANCE PLAYING??? BUT I JUST WPXIGUSNMOSMLOAUNPA AND THEN THE K I S S S S S!!!! Y'ALL THAT WAS SO GOOD 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. AND IT WAS SO CINEMATIC!!! AAAHHHHHHH I JUST LOVED IT SO MUCH :'DDDDDD.

Also side note Ricky calling EJ 😭😭💔❤️ :')).

And then NOOOOOO THE SHOWWW 😭😭😭😭💔❤️❤️. Only Emmy and Miss Jenn being there :'((( 😭😭💔. I was hoping at least a few people would be :'(( but no D':. I mean I know they're all going tough it but 😭 DD':. Anyway that sucks really bad :((. Also what was the principal doing before he came in that he was so happy about lol. Anyway xD.

Accidentally am at the end of the episode and haven't done Miss Jenn yet (shhh might've forgotten xdd) SO here she is :D. Again her and Carlos's scenes were wonderful 😭😭😭❤️❤️. I just love her being there for him :'))). And him for her 🥰🥰. And you know what? We deserve this. We deserve sad Carlos who gets comfort 😤😤😌. Does it hurt? Yes xd. But it's GOOD 😭❤️❤️❤️ MH <333. Anyway xD. Poor Miss Jenn overall though :'((. Especially with the show 😭😭 DD':. I love her though <333

And poor Emmy too :'((. Honey's just trying her best <33. And I mean she literally came to this school for the musical and to be with them D':. Poor girl 😭😭❤️ <333. Plus Carlos said Seb was the only reliable theatre kid but now there's Emmy :'((( :'). She is, but no one else was there 😭💔. Anyway she's slaying as always :'( <333.

Oh also I forgot to mention it but 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔 CARLOS SITTING IN THE STAIRWELL WITH IT RAINING LOOKING AT PICTURES OF SEB KILLED ME 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔❤️. Also the caption said something about "my favorite person" or something like that so ha I'm fine :'))). Heh :'))). Also, WE HAD NO IDEA HOW DEPRESSING THESE SCENES REALLY WERE 😭😭😭😭💔💔. Like from the promo pics xdd 😭😭. First Halloween now this 😭. Like this one looked sad unless you were like me and thought it as just his skater outfit for a second :')), but still it was WAY worse 😭😭😭💔 DD':. Anyway it killed me thank you :)) :')) :'(( <3333.

Maddox, Jet, Seb, and Nini - we miss you :')) ❤️😭💔❤️❤️🥰. I have no clue where Maddox and Jet were but you know xD.

This episode was so amazing. I loved it so much :'DD. Like, yes, it caused me immensely, immeasurable pain, but it was SO GOOD. The EMOTIONS this episode!! And every episode tbh lol. Like I said, I haven't mentioned it much as of yet, but the acting is absolutely PHENOMENAL!!! And just overall y'all I am so not okay with this show 😭😭😭❤️💔💔 xdd. Like, not okay over this show lol. Anyway xD. I'm so scared for the next episode, and the next few episodes. And I'm also SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Y'all I think we might get Over Again next episode :'D (nearly said week lol). That would heal my broken heart a bit <3.

Oh also, input on everything this far from my sibling through my updates (panicked texts): SEB WOULD NEVER THE WRITERS ARE WRONG. Summarized a bit, but it wasn't much longer than that lol. So yeah, that <3 xD. I agree but I'm still okay with the storyline lol. Again - I'm just enjoying what I've got :).

Anyway!! Yeah :)). Wonderful episode- OH YEAH!!! THE MUSIC WAS S O GOOD!!!! I know I talked about them individually but it was just AMAZING :'DDD!!! Both songs were so amazing, thank you very much for those 🥰🥰. I loved them :'D. And again, that Second Chance motif killed me <3.

But yeah!! I'm so nervous and so excited :))).

NOW IT'S TIME FOR EPISODE 6!!!!

#hsmtmts #oasis's hsmtmts chatter #high school musical the musical the series #hsmtmts s4 #high school musical the musical the series season 4 #hsmtmts spoilers #these just keep getting looonger snd longer lol #as I should've expected xDD #or maybe as I did lol idk #makes sense for me though xD #I just didn't really think about it #anyway!! I live in fear :DD #so so much fear :)))#and I will absolutely d i e during over again <333 #absolutely as in guaranteed but also as in totally - that works too lol #like an enhancing adjective for the dying xD #anyway lol #yeah awesome episode <3333 #still freaking out not okay and losing my mind thank you :)))#oh also kourtney's mom (and that girl who gave her the tour the friend's daughter :) ) SLAYS every time #we stan <333 #we stan her so hard 😌😌😌🥰🥰❤️ <3 #xD anyway yeah lovely all around this episode 🥰🥰🥰 <333 #see y'all in a bit!!!#or lol #see you guys on the other side xDD #of the episode lol #wish me luck <333 hope I survive 🙏🤞 xD <3 #as in I'm asking you to hope that lol xD anyway #let's do this :)) <33!!

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endusviolence · 2 months

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Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

#transgender #trans history #transsexual #transphobia #Magnus Hirschfeld #holocaust #holocaust denial #book burning #j.k. rowling #jk rowling #just in case you missed what i mean by all this: go fuck yourself anon :)#trans people have always existed #and we will always exist #if you really wanna pick a fight with me over well-documented history then you better bring in some sources to back your shit #queer history #queer #lgbt+#lgbta+#lgbt #lgbt history #edit: i finally got around to those damn image IDs. i am so very sorry for totally forgetting that's my bimbo moment of the month #also real quick i thought about adding an image of the actual building but the only one i can find has a Nazi parade in front of it #it was taken the day of the book burning raid and honestly if i were to include it then i'd add it to the first few paragraphs #and i think the story's better told when you uphold the hope Magnus Hirschfeld and all the researchers he worked with had #also keeps being brought up: yes Hirschfeld was a eugenicist. it was a popular belief set that was only discredited after WW2 #Hirschfeld died in 1935. he literally didn't live long enough to see science turn against those beliefs and practices #considering how he changed his mind on transitions i like to think he would've changed his mind on eugenics too if he'd lived

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herd-reject-arts · 10 months

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So I'm leaving work and something darts in front of me, maybe 10ft away, too fast for me to see what it is. Peek around the tree blocking my path and I see this

Just like... a whole ass hawk. Dude's gotta be about 1.5ft tall. Massive fucking bird. And it's just staring me straight in my soul like this, even as I try to move ahead. It didn't budge. And there's only this path back to my car unless I want to walk on a busy highway. So I have the option of Death By Raptor or Death By Truck.

So I walk in the poison ivy filled patch off the sidewalk. Guy still isn't moving. Still staring me directly in the eyes. And I do this thing when animals are behaving strangely where I'll talk to them, so I'm just like, "Hey, man. I don't know you. You don't know me. This feels really threatening. I'm just trying to get to my car, dude. Can I get some space please? You're a big fucking bird. I see those claws. You could kill me right now, but I'd appreciate if you didn't, ok?"

It didn't move until I was about 2ft away. Again: I'm as far from it as I can be without walking into the street. It clearly wasn't going to budge. I walk past, thing flies up (silent, btw. Scary) and lands on a brick wall a little further ahead

Anyway. Weird guy. Nearly shit my pants when I noticed a bird big enough to carry off a fully grown cat was just... there, staring me in the face, unwilling to move away from me, a human, something it should see as a threat. I watched behind me the whole rest of the way to my car, just in case this bird decided to help me shed this mortal coil. 10/10 experience. Super cool guy.

#not vc sorry #bird #birds #aves #raptor #hawk #red shouldered hawk #i think. might be wrong on that id #accipitriformes #birds of prey #honestly a really cool guy so close up #I'm happy i wasn't attacked. i would not want to fight a guy that big.#talons on this bird were huge. big scary.#I've never heard of large predatory birds just landing in front of people like that so i don't know what gives #it didn't catch any food or anything. just landed near me then stared me down.#I don't know a lot about bird behavior so i tried to not look back at it but still.#it also didn't look injured. seemed like a healthy bird #if anyone has any idea why this thing would act the way it did I'd love to know

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uncanny-tranny · 3 months

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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

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inkskinned · 11 months

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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.