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inkskinned · 2 years

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it is hard to explain without sounding vain or stupid - but the more attractive others find you, the more you're allowed to do. the easier your life is.

i have been on both sides of this. i am queer and cuban. i grew up poor. for a long time i didn't know "how" to dress - and i still don't. i make my sister pick out any important outfits. i have adhd in spades: i was never "cool and quiet", i was the weird kid who didn't understand how "normal" people behave. i was bullied so hard that the "social outcasts" wouldn't even talk to me.

i got my teeth straightened. i cut my hair and learned how to style it. i got into makeup. it didn't matter, at first, if i actually liked what i was doing - it mattered how people responded to it. like a magic trick; the right dress and winged eyeliner and suddenly i was no longer too weird for all of it. i could wear the ugly pokemon shirt and it was just "ironic" or a "cute interest."

when i am seen as pretty, people listen. they laugh at my jokes. they allow me to be weird and a little spacey. i can trust that if i need something, people will generally help me. privilege suddenly rushes in: pretty does buy things. pretty people get treated more gently.

i am the same ugly little girl, is the thing. still odd. still not-quite-fitting-in. still scrambling. still angry and afraid and full of bad things. of course it became my obsession. of course i stopped eating. i had seen, in real time, the exact way it could change my life - simply always be perfect, and things can be easy. people will "overlook" all the other things. i used to have panic attacks at the idea others would see me without makeup - what would they think? even for a simple friend hangout, i'd spend a few hours getting ready. after all, it seemed so obvious to me: these people liked me because i was pretty.

i worry about how much i'm being a bad activist: i understand that "pretty" is determined by white, het, cis, able-bodied hegemonies. if i was really an ally, wouldn't i rally against all of this? recently there's been a "clean girl" trend which copies latinx aesthetics: dark slicked-back hair, hoop earrings. i almost never wear my hair like that; i can hear the middle school guidance counsellor advising me that i might fare better if i toned it down on the culture.

the problem is that i can take pretty on and off. that i have seen how different my life is on a day where i try and a day where i don't. i told my therapist i want to believe the difference is confidence, but it's not. and when you have seen it, you can't unsee it. it lives inside your brain. it rots there; taunting. i get rewarded for following the rules. i am punished for breaking them. end of story.

pretty people can get what they want. pretty people can feel confident without others asking where they got their nerve from. pretty people can be weird and different. pretty people get to have emotions; it's different when they get aggressive, it's pretty when they cry with frustration.

of course people care about this. of course it has crawled into you. of course you want to be seen as attractive. it's not vanity: it's self-preservation.

#pretty in this post is a stand in for . literally all forms of normativity #warm up #tbd maybe idk #ps! hi!! i'm queer!!!!!!!!! it is how i identify! if you tag this 'q slur' i will fight you!!!#i am using it here in the EXACT way it is NOT a slur !! i am identifying as a queer person!#this is EXACTLY how people reclaim it !!!#it's like practically ACADEMIC in this usage!!#please do any reading into what the fuck the history of the word ''queer'' is before telling me #as someone identifying as queer #that i'm a slur. that the place i find comfort in is a slur #''well it makes me uncomfortable if people use it for me''#im sorry to hear that dude. that sucks. i hope things get easier for you soon #but you don't get to take it from ME #in case you can't tell by the REST of this piece #i DID hear queer used as slur against me. i DID get bullied with it. i DID hear a lot of shit said #i also heard it about lesbians #about ''being gay''#about pretty much any fucking term that could describe me.#i like queer. i like how it feels. and it's mine.#you don't get to undo the work i've done personally because it makes u uncomfortable #it's ahistoric to pretend like there are ''safe'' ways to identitfy if ur queer.#none exist. it has never been safe to be like this.

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adventuringblind · 7 months

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Stash

Oscar Piastri x Autistic Reader

Genre: hurt/comfort

Summary: Oscar confronts his lovers' weird habits for food storing.

Warnings: talks of eating disorders and past abuse

Notes: based on personal experience. My therapist says she's glad that I have an outlet. Apparently, writing myself into scenarios like this is healing. Who would've ever thunk it??

Masterlist

Oscar was prepared for a great many things when his girlfriend moved in with him. Things they had already talked about extensively. Like how she has her own routine that she follows, even if it doesn't feel like it. Or how she has sleeps on top of the duvet instead of under it.

Things that seem very minor to him. Apparently, other people have said it's weird, and she felt the need to warn him about her habits before moving in. She likes to communicate like that. Another thing he loves about her.

What he was not expecting was to find food stashed away in the most random places.

He didn't confront her about it at first. Maybe this is just a way she feels safe or a reminder to herself to eat something when she sees it. But then he started getting concerned when he wasn't seeing her eat at home.

She followed him around to races and could eat at restaurants, given she was with safe people who didn't tease her for being so plain. She ate snacks when she felt the need.

While she was out one day, he asked Lando over. The Brit was mildly confused as to why he was helping search the depths of the flat for food.

"You litterally have stocked cupboards."

"It's not for me! My girlfriend is stashing food around the house, and I'm trying to see if there is a pattern and maybe figure out why."

"Have you considered asking?"

"Not after she joked about her relationship with food."

Lando, who knows very well how hard eating can be sometimes, comes to the realization that there may be more to this then just sensory issues. Insecurity and scrutiny are hard things to deal with. He wouldn't be shocked if that's the reason she has foods she loves in places Oscar wouldn't find them.

Eventually they do find a pattern. It's not about where they are hidden, it's about what is hidden. It feels as if a child thought they were going to get in trouble for not asking to eat first. It's saddening to Oscar that his lover doesn't feel she can just eat normally around him.

"Do you know if she grew up doing this?"

"No clue."

~~~~~

When she got home that night, she found Oscar setting the table for dinner. Which is already odd considering they don't eat at the table. She hates eating at the table. It feels like she's being judged while she eats and makes her unable to think clearly.

But she would suffer through it. Why? because Oscar has made her comfort food, and it would be a crime not to eat with him after he did such a thing.

"What's all this for?" She asks while setting her things down.

"Well, I know you hate the dinner table, but we need to talk about something, and I thought comfort food and dim lighting might help the anxiety."

She takes her seat and thanks him for the gesture. The pit in her stomach aching with the thought of what he may want to talk about.

"So, your food stashing habits...."

Oh. Oh no. She'd been found out. She is going to get lectured just like she did at home. The one thing she was trying to desperately to avoid.

She drops her head in shame. "I'm so sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong, alright?" I just need to know why and if I can help. You're not eating full meals when we're home and the food your hiding makes me think your self-conscious. I just want you to feel safe here, with me."

She sighs. The female knew she would have to confront this eventually. It's not that she doesn't feel safe eating here, it's that these are learned habits that she has yet to unlearn.

"My parents would often get upset when I didn't eat what they made. It's not that I was being ungrateful, I just couldn't keep it in my mouth without gagging. Textures and things."

Oscar hums as he listens. He knows textures are hard for her. Food, clothing, even certain blankets are hard for her to feel.

"My parents were also always talking about my eating habits. So, to avoid being scrutinized, I would hide food in my room to eat when nobody was around."

Oscar is a soft person. Easygoing, quiet, and according to Lando, boring. In this moment he is none of those things. He feels for his lover that she doesn't feel safe eating at home because of her parents.

Thus enters a time of Oscar warming her up to eating in the house. Not just small things, real meals and snacks and simply whenever she's hungry.

It's definitely a slow process. Oscar still finds food in strange places occasionally, but he leaves it and reminds her that it's okay to put her food in the cabinet.

He never makes a mention of what she's eating. Even if he's just curious. He never talks about it.

Eventually, she starts putting her food in the cupboard. conversations about food become a little easier and doesn't send her into a flurry of insecurity.

Every little step counts, and Oscar is proud of her for every single one she takes.

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anurst · 1 year

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Girl Bradshaw

Summary: jake makes the first move and now you've got a date for tomorrow night. But for tonight, you're spending the night with your therapist.

Pairing(s): jake seresinx (fem)(bradshaw) reader

Warning(s): language, therapy, self-esteem/self-doubt issues

Part 4: Gorgeous dirty blond, green-eyed, southern babe

So, training hadn't gone as well as you expected it to. Jensen had the time of his life knocking you on your ass more than once. To make up for it though, you had taken down Carlos more times than you could count.

You moaned as you pushed your chest towards the ground in between your spread leg. Stretching was always great after training.

"You feeling better?" Ethan asked as he sits down next to you, beginning his own stretches. You and Ethan have been friends for years, much like everyone on your team, but there was always this polite distance between you. While everyone felt comfortable asking personal question, Ethan never did. He'd wait for you to tell him what was bothering you. Which is why it made you frown when he asked how you were feeling.

"Uh—better, I guess. My body doesn't feel all tense now. My ass actually hurts a lot since Jen slammed down like a billion times."

Ethan chuckles, "Yeah, well now you know how the rest of us feel when we're paired with him for sparing."

You raise a brow, "What are you talking about?"

Rolling his eyes, Ethan his upper body towards his right leg, "Jensen's always takes it easier on you. Has been since Russia." You scoff at his comment. Ethan also had a tendency to be blunt. Not a bad thing, but it could be when he said something weird, like now. He could tell that his comment rubbed you the wrong way, so he changes the subject. "She's here."

"Who is?"

"The girl—the pilot that ghosted me."

You snort and Ethan glares at you. "Sorry! What you gonna do?" He shrugs and stands. You follow his movement and stand with him.

"Wasn't gonna do anything, really. I think she's into the blond with glasses on her team." You both begin walking to the locker rooms.

"Need me to fight her?" Ethan smiles at your words.

"As entertaining as that would be, I don't think the raiders would find it as funny as I do." You shrug.

You're talking with Amy and leaving the women's locker room when you see Jake. He's leaning against the wall, seemingly waiting for someone. Waiting for you.

Amy grins as she pulls your arm, "Your prince charming's waiting!"

You grimace at her words. "I don't know about that." Amy visibly deflates.

"(y/n), I love you. I think you are one of the best humans on this planet. But, you are goddamn stupid. There is a gorgeous dirty-blond, green-eyed, southern babe standing right over, who is clearly interested in you!" Your cheeks start to warm up as you stare at Jake. "If you don't talk to him, I will," Amy threatens before taking off in the opposite direction. You take a deep breath in and walk towards Jake.

"You make it a habit of waiting outside of women's locker rooms?" you tease, your heart beginning to beat faster. Jake shakes his head at your question and smiles at you.

"Only for you."

"Oh, I'm flattered," you joke. You reach up to brush a strand of hair behind your ear and you panic. You didn't shower after training since you wanted to in the comforts of your own apartment. Does Jake think you smell bad? That would ruin any chance you have with the dirty blond.

"How was training?" It's an innocent question but makes you panic.

"I don't smell!"

Jake raises an eyebrow with an amused smirk, "No, you don't. You hit your head too hard or somethin'?" Oh shit, his slight southern drawl makes your knees go weak.

"Well, Jensen did knock me on my ass a couple hundred times. He's the best at hand-to-hand in the first battalion, so basically all of the raiders."

Something shifts on Jake's face, but you don't notice it. "Is he your boyfriend?" You frantically shake your head.

"No! God, no! He's like my brother!" You both cringe at your words and you sigh. "I mean— he's my best friend. Has been for the past fifteen years. He's my rock, my person, you know better half or whatever." Jake nods as he smiles again.

"Good. I won't feel bad for asking you on a date then." You let out a shaky chuckle.

"Date?"

"Yep," he replies, popping the 'p'.

"And this isn't some set up?" you ask, doubt beginning to form in your heart. Jake's cute, gorgeous even, but he's friends with Bradley. What if Bradley put him up to this? Would Bradley do that?

"If you're thinking that Rooster put me up to this, you're wrong. So wrong, darling."

"Rooster?" you question.

"Bradshaw— uh Bradley's callsign."

"Really? He went with Rooster?"

"He sounds like one when he snores." Jake laughs with you before he bites his lip. "So, that date?" You struggle to answer.

"Jake. I'm sure you're a great guy, an amazing guy even. But you—"

"Work with my brother and Maverick," Jake finishes. He nods in acceptance, disappointment clear on his face. "It's alright. I get it." He begins to walk away and your stomach flips.

"Wait!" You grab his wrist. "What do you like more pancakes, waffles, or french toast?" Jake looks at you with face full of confusion and you laugh. "No jokes. Just which one do you like more?"

"Waffles," he answers and you grin. He's a waffles guy. Of course, he is.

"There's this place called Casita Ruiz. I've got a hot date with my therapist tonight, so tomorrow night. At 6. If you're late, I know how to break every bone in the human body, just so you know." Jake's smiling wide, and so are you.

"I'll show up at 5:30 then." Before you know what's happening, Jake lean forward and presses a kiss against your cheek. Your face burns up even more. "I'll see you tomorrow, Braidy."

"Call me (y/n). It's my middle name. The only people who call me Braidy are the ones I don't like."

"You like me?"

"Don't push your luck, cowboy."

No matter how many times you've sat on this sofa, you'll never get use to it. Ava's staring at you with her dark, brown eyes and you shift uncomfortably. Sighing, you decided to just lay on the sofa, even though your feet hang over.

"(y/n)," Ava begins and you groan. "You called me and said you needed to talk to me right away." You cover your eyes with your arm and lick your lips.

"Bradley and Pete are here," you finally say. Ava's eyes widen and she sits a little straighter. She's heard about them many times from you. They're the main topic you talk about. Them, and the nightmares that you get from your countless assignments.

"And, how does that make you feel?" Ava asks, her voice soft and comforting. But, it doesn't have the effect she wants because you sit right up.

"How does it make me feel?" you scoff, venom clear in your voice. "They've been stationed in Miramar for the past two year together! Miramar! 45 fucking minutes away me! You know, I bet they were having the goddamn time of their lives there! As if nothing fucking happened!" You run a hand through your hair.

Ava bits her lips. "45 minutes, huh."

"Yeah," you whisper, voice broken and Ava frowns. You've been seeing her for the past seven years, and you've made a lot of progress. But now? It seems it's all gone down the drain at the appearance of your estranged brother and godfather.

"Braidy," she says, voice now firm, and you glare.

"Don't call me that."

"They call you that."

"Well, Bradley and Pete can go fuck themselves for all I care."

"You do care. You care a lot. That's why we're sitting here," she says and you roll your eyes. You've gone back to lay down and turn your head to look at Ava.

"I don't want to care," you say, your eyes becoming watery.

"But, you do. You care so much that you're hurting yourself." You turn away from Ava's eyes and look at the ceiling. "Have you ever thought about talking to them."

"I'd end up yelling at them if I did."

"Maybe that's what you need. To yell them. Tell them everything and anything." You nod and press your lips into a thin line, debating whether you should tell Ava about Jake.

"There's this guy. His name's Jake and he's a naval aviator," you let out a humourless chuckle, "He works with Bradley and Pete. Before coming here, he asked me out and I said yes."

"That's good. It's been a while since you've been on a date," Ava teases. You snort and look at her.

"You making fun of me, Doc?"

"Just an observation." Your eyes go back to the ceiling. "I can tell there's a but coming."

"But, I'm not sure going out with him is a good idea."

Ava nods, "You think Bradley has something to do with him asking you out."

"Yes and no."

"Do you wanna talk about your doubts?"

You sigh, "Aside from the fact that I'm Bradley's sister, there's nothing interesting about me. I mean, he could have gone for Amy. She's brighter, smiles more, and guys love that. So, why me?" There it is. The self-doubt. It's one of the issues that you've been working on in the past seven year.

"(y/n)" your eyes don't stray from the ceiling, "You're not unloveable."

"I know."

Ava sighs, "Have you given more thought to my suggestion?"

"About the dog?"

"Mhmm, you've always said you wanted one."

"I work too much," you clear your throat. "I wouldn't be around enough to take care of it. It's cruel. To give someone hope that you'll be around and them drop off the face of the earth."

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#top gun reader insert #top gun fanfiction #top gun x reader #top gun maverick #top gun maverick x reader #bradley bradshaw #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin #pete mitchell #top gun fanfic

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moonlightdreamzz · 1 year

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kill bill

part one

you return back to korea one year after you and hyunjin broke up, only to find out he has replaced you. how could he replace you?

→ g: all of it. the pain, the sexy, the happiness. angstsmutfluff! <3

🎧 ➤ kill bill by sza

warning! you’re a heartbroken bitter ex girlfriend here, although for a valid reason. party environment! mentions of (w**d) and alcohol, language, and infidelity!

I'm so mature, I'm so mature

I'm so mature, I got me a therapist to tell me there's other men

I don't want none, I just want you

If I can't have you, no one should

it felt so, so good to scream these lyrics from the pit of your stomach. you imagine anyone that could hear you and felix passionately singing alongside sza had many questions, the first being; who hurt you? but, as always neither of you care in this moment. the two of you have finally finished cleaning up the dorm in preparation for changbin’s surprise birthday party; the only thing left to do now was decorate and get ready.

you have no idea where the rest of the members are, but who are you to ask questions? knowing your friend, he didn’t trust them to get the job done in time. they could be so damn silly sometimes, taking forever to do the simplest tasks. it was adorable watching their sad attempts to hold all their jokes and playful tendencies within. they failed every time.

felix, who is clearly exhausted from your early morning grind can’t help but to back into the wall and slide down to the wooden floors. he takes a deep breath before blowing upwards, causing the hair covering his forehead to lift ever so slightly.

“someone’s tired.” you chuckle, deciding to lay on the couch over the cold wood. you are so tempted to beg felix for a quick nap, but you know he’s gonna ridicule you for it if you do—in a friendly way of course. he has been talking about this party and how perfect it has to be for what felt like forever. you know deep down his real reasoning for being so prompt was because of who’s birthday it is.

“how can I truly be tired though, y/n?” his aussie accent is thick as he confesses his shame to you, “you came all the way here, landed early as hell in the morning with jet lag, and here you are cleaning with me. i need to get up.” just like that, felix has risen again and stretches his arms out before moving to start taking the decorations out the box.

he was always too hard on himself. “lix,” you coo, walking towards him and placing your hand on his shoulder gently, “getting rest is vital. even if for thirty minutes, why don’t you relax for a little bit? at least close your eyes?”

you can tell he’s considering it by the way his eyes look straight ahead into nothingness, but just as quick as the thought comes, it goes. he inhales deeply before continuing to take things from the huge brown box.

“i promise I’ll rest after this is all over. i just…i don’t want anything to mess up on my end.”

so, they really were all the same huh? those words trigger what feels like a thousand memories into your mind— all of someone you know you will have to see tonight. you were certain he has spoken that exact sentence to you on multiple occasions when you expressed how worried you were about his physical and mental health. you still have no idea what you’re going to say when the two of you eventually bump into each-other at this party.

you’re fidgeting now, and felix’s heart feels as if it wants to jump out of him for the day, but not because he was in love with you or anything. no, felix was incredibly guilty. he knows you’re thinking about his bandmate. you were always so…dazed when he was on your mind.

all day there has been this weird silence in the air between you and felix, which was abnormal to say the least. before you moved back home, you were two peas in a pod. your conversations could last for hours if you let it. all of the boys, but especially felix told you that they loved how free they felt around you. they loved how normal they felt in your presence. you didn’t know why it was such a bad thing, but apparently it was a sin here to have some fun.

the minutes keep passing by and felix has yet to utter a word to you. have things really changed this drastically since you left? was he angry at you for leaving? did you not check up on him enough?

“felix i—

“hyunjin has a new girlfriend!” he spits out as if there was a pistol on his scalp. the balloon he was blowing up flies from the machine, squealing as it tries to find a place to land. if there was a metaphor to describe what those words just did to you, it was that. you felt like a lifeless balloon. the tension in the room is so thick you feel like your throat is about to start closing on you.

your clear vision is now red, so much so, that you were certain your tears would be the same color if you weren’t fighting for your life to hold them in your tear ducts. you hate that even after a year, exactly a year by the way, that he still has so much control over your emotions.

“who?” are the only words you can manage.

felix thought that confessing to you would make him feel better, but as he watches you clearly refraining yourself from having a mental breakdown, he feels a thousand times worse. maybe he should have listened to changbin and chris when they told him to just let you see it. no—he was right. if you were going to hate him, he would rather you be able to say he warned you instead of you finding out from seeing hyunjin waltz in here with his new woman.

“some girl. she’s not famous, and I have no idea where he met her. i’m sorry, y/n. i know you’ve been going to therapy and everything and I just—I never wanted to trigger you. it’s still not an excuse I just—

“lix,” you finally breathe after what felt like days, even though it had only been a minute or two. “i’m not angry with you. how could I be?”

“because i’m your friend.”

“you’re his friend too.” is all you can muster. you know a look of defeat was prominent on your features, but you can’t fake it right now. it wasn’t worth it. you’re trying to push it down, but the rage is burning in the pit of your stomach. you looked so sane to the naked eye. upset? sure. pissed? maybe? but you were way more than those two emotions. you were heartbroken and livid all over again; a woman scorned. all you can hear in your mind right now is the last thing hyunjin uttered to you.

i will never be able to replace you. i need you to breathe. i love you. i’m so sorry. i’m sorry I failed you when I promised I never would.

you heard it in your dreams and nightmares what felt like every night. his voice cracked so clearly on the phone that night. he usually tried to be tough for you, pretending as if nothing could get to him, but not this time. he was so hysterical.

you believed him. you didn’t want to, but he was sobbing. or maybe your ego was big as fuck, and the thought of hyunjin unable to move on from you fed into your fantasy of him suffering without you. you hated that you felt this way, but it doesn’t matter now. it was all a lie.

“y/n.” you hear felix trying to snap you back to reality.

there’s a million things you want to say. you want to see her. you want to ask felix if hyunjin is as happy as he was with you. but you figure you’d save those questions for when he had to see you tonight. if he moved on genuinely, fine. but he was going to have to say it to your face.

“I’m cool.” you smile as if you hadn’t heard the news. you begin ripping the plastic off the decorations you assumed went on the wall based on their shape. you can feel felix’s doe eyes burn holes into you, but you learned a long time ago how to ignore that.

“you sure?” he questions in disbelief.

“positive. i just needed a minute to digest it. I’m good.”

the song you and felix had been shouting the lyrics to has replayed, neither you or Felix knowing the lyrics sza was singing beautifully would foreshadow what was to come later tonight.

I did it all for love

I did all of this on no drugs

I did all of this sober

Don't you know I did it all for us?

fit pics; a necessity when going to any function, but especially when you want your ex to feel sick to their stomach.

yes, you are that girl that makes your friends take your pictures over and over again—hating them all. no, you are not ashamed. this was jisung’s fifth round of taking pics of you, and you are trying so hard to hold in your laughter at his frustration. he’s looking at you, and you know he hasn’t blinked or breathed—already knowing that you’re going to tell him you don’t like the twenty new pictures he’s placed in your camera roll.

“if you don’t like these, i don’t know what to tell you. you look mad good. stop acting like that.”

“you’re lucky I’m pleased.” you smirk, pushing him playfully, “this is the least you can do for the many years you’ve spent trolling my ass, or have you forgotten?”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about.” he smirks back. his eyes attempt prove his innocence, but they fail and he can’t help but to push you back to play it off.

the music can be heard from outside of the dorms, and you have no idea how they are pulling this off tonight, but you never ask questions; you simply follow suit. you didn’t intend on missing the surprise, but jisung called you frantically saying that he was going to be late and that he would owe you if you pulled up alongside him. truth be told, you pretended that you were fine with being late because you loved him oh-so much, but in reality you wanted to make an entrance.

you wanted hyunijn to pace back and forth as his new girl got ready—heart practically beating out of his chest at the thought of having to see you. you knew he would arrive in preparation to say surprise! to his bandmate, subtly searching for you everywhere. obviously, you aren’t there, but he won’t know whether you are just in the bathroom, late, or not coming at all.

the time will continue to pass—but still no sign of you. his girl is there, so he won’t express his interest about your whereabouts out loud, but he will text felix wondering where you are. she’s coming, is all felix is going to respond, already receiving the text from you that you were running late to ride with jisung, but not wanting to spill your beans to your ex, regardless of the fact that he was hyunjin’s friend too.

you know his anxiety is going up and down right now. he’s probably not paying ole’ girl any attention because hyunjin knows. he fucking knows that any second now you will walk into that dorm and he’ll have to recall his last words to you. he’ll also have to see how damn fine you look tonight from head to toe. he’ll think of every single late night he tried to replace your body, but couldn’t. you love changbin so much, but he was crazier than you when it came to his lovers. he will understand. you also know he’s probably ten shots in by now, so if he was upset with you, the alcohol had drowned it away.

“come on.” jisung instructs. you’re surprised he’s not snapping in your face like everyone else does when you daze out. it had rained earlier, so the weather is perfect—not cold, but not hot. you and hyunjin love this kind of weather. if the two of you were still together, you’d probably be outside whispering sweet nothings to each-other while smoking a blunt and embracing the relaxing breeze that blew through the city.

you follow your friend, taking his hand that was extended out to you. he knows you too well. your anxiety was beginning to build up from the pit of your stomach. it always makes you feel sick and dizzy and you want to turn around and run off, but you can’t. your feet have began to hurt too—your boots although fashionable, never being the move when you were going to be standing for a long time.

“these are some of the trainees that’ll be in the next group.” jisung spills as you approach the entrance. you can’t tell whether they want to be here or not, but you can’t lie, this is adorable.

they greet the both of you respectfully—you, only because you were with their hyung, and the two of you step in promptly. immediately the smell of marijuana clouds your senses, and you can’t help but let out a cough. the music was so loud that you know you will likely have a headache in the morning, but it was worth it. there are people everywhere and they’re all doing the same thing; smoking, taking shots, and trying to find their person for the night.

“look who it is, finally.” a drunk changbin stumbles your way, immediately embracing you and picking you up. he reeks of everything in this room, including women, but you expect nothing less from the man of the hour. he looks nice—a typical all black fit from him. he continues to slur things to you that you can’t understand, but you know it’s something along the lines of “i’m so happy to see you.” and “don’t think you’re running from these shots.”

jisung doesn’t understand what he’s saying either, and the two of you make eye contact before he pats changbin’s back to put you back down in the ground.

“happy birthday!” the two of you yell in unison. ah, you would be lying if you said you didn’t miss him. he was always so sweet to you, and in this moment as you and jisung congratulate him on another year of life, you heart is warm seeing the genuine smile on his face.

“thank you, love.” he slurs once more. “you know, you were always my favorite. my favorite girlfriend that is. smart, gorgeous, and actually fun.” the music seems as if it’s gotten even louder, but you hear him loud and clear.

now you’re the one smiling. “thank you. i got you a lot of gifts, but the rest of them I need you to open sober. here’s one you can have now.” you see jisung’s panic as you hand his bandmate a little bottle of hennessy. you know the second either you two walk away or changbin does, that he’s going to cuss you out for not telling him you brought a gift. “from me and jisung.” you add with a potent smirk on your face. you see him exhale beside you, and here you are again holding in your damn laugh.

“now y/n…you know you have to take a shot with me, right? thank…thank you.” all of a sudden there’s a hand on changbin’s shoulder, and she’s pulling him back towards where the bedrooms are. you make your false promises knowing he won’t even remember you’re here soon.

“you owe me two, han jisung.” you twirl to face him now.

“yeah, whatever. look, as always I’ll look out for you, but I can’t lie it’s time for me to put some shots in my body and find me something to lick on…for later.”

“ew! you’re like…fifteen.”

“i’m literally twenty-two?” he blinks repeatedly.

“whatever. i’m going to the bathroom.”

and you’re off. you see a couple of familiar faces on what should be a short journey to the restroom, but isn’t due to how crowded the this place is. your heart is racing, fearing that you’ll say excuse me to someone, and they’ll turn around just for it to be hyunjin. you planned this out so well in your head, just to be shaking in your boots now…literally. your feet hurt even more then they did ten minutes ago.

you finally make it to the restroom after what feels like forever. you’re afraid to even go in there, terrified about who you may see partaking in adults activities and not wanting to argue with someone who was hogging the room just because they hate parties. you hate those kind of people.

you knock—nothing. you knock again—nothing. you can barely stand now because you genuinely have to pee, and maybe there is someone in there, and they are responding— you just can’t hear them, but fuck it. you open the door quickly, closing it just as fast so a creep doesn’t try to slide in here with you. you’re about to run to the toilet when you notice someone very familiar sitting on the floor with his face buried in his hands. no fucking way. no way.

he looks up at you, his eyes irritated at first from being intruded on. he probably did say someone was in here. but the second he sees you, his eyes widen. it’s as if he’s seen a ghost.

“y/n…y/n?”

you haven’t heard him say your name in a year. you haven’t heard his voice. you don’t know how you’re still standing considering the fact that you’re having a stare down with the love of your life. you know your eyes are softening as you continue to make eye contact with him. he’s still so…beautiful. how was it possible that he has become even more attractive, even with his eyes slightly red. had he been crying?

snap out of it, y/n!

just as quick as all of the memories begin to run through your head, you turn the movie off, pulling down your shorts and panties. “move, hyunjin.” is all you say, quickly sitting down on the toilet and emptying your bladder. he scoots ever so slightly, eyes still burning holes into you even as you pee loudly and your eyes look straight forward now.

this isn’t happening right now, is it?

authors note: part two coming soon…🤝🏽 I wanted to make this one big story but I said … that’s going to take too long to finish hehe. i hope you guys liked this.

#hyunjin imagines #kpop black reader #kpop x black reader #hyunjin imagine #hyunjin angst #hyunjin smut #hyunjin fluff #stray kids #hyunjin #stray kids x black reader #kpop x poc #kpop x poc reader #skz hyunjin #skz imagines #skz smut #skz angst #skz scenarios #stray kids imagines

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weird-bookworm · 4 months

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𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗞 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗙𝗥𝗢𝗠 𝗔 𝗪𝗘𝗜𝗥𝗗 𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗞𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗠 ♥︎

this year has been crazy, to say the least. i'd write a long ass message, but actually, each and every single one of my moots deserves their own

so here goes

@silversailormoan- you were my first moot, and i still don't have a name for you. all i know is that i am eternally grateful you trust me enough to share part of your life with me, and that i'm very glad you went from my fav ao3 bts writer to someone who randomly messages me whenever. thank you

@yrhome- i was shocked when you followed me back actually, but after that you've just poofed off the site. i'm sorry we never got the chance to interact more, because you were one of y fav writers on here. i hope we can get closer this coming year!

@maeleelee- mae mae oh mae you are one of the most special people i know on this hellsite, and that is saying something because i know so many people i love here. you were my first friend on here, as unhinged as me, and with such a friendly and warm personality i almost cried (that is a lie. i have definitely cried because you're too cute. i am not joking). we've shared so many moments here, and you've trusted me so much, it made this year so much more special to me. promise you'll keep being your adorable self next year too, but most of all, promise you'll be happy next year <3

@imagine-a-life-like-this- talking to you for the first time felt like a fever dream, even though i had sent asks before and i was already friend with mae. you have always been a writer i respect and like a lot, specially with your smaus (chef's kiss fr). on top of that you are always so sweet??? hello, is this a dream?? i'm glad we got close enough for me to see your more unhinged persona (which i am in love with) and that i could see your bts debut lmao. let's have even more fun next year

@mxnsxngie- you're so mother istg it's the best thing ever lol. what i've said about you in my moots list is very true, you gives me fairy vibes. you're so pretty and lovable and asdfghjkl i just love you okay? i've loved every single conversation we've had and i lovee how you read my rants and then respond with a veryyy long message with a ton of typos because you're getting ready for work in the morning (thank you for still reading and replying though, you're so busy but you always take out time for me <3) keep being adorable!

@hannieheartuu- i love you. you are always so sweet and kind and sensitive and talented i just wanna cuddle you and keep you in my pocket and call it a day. i get too much cute aggression with you and i get too protective over you, but can you blame me? you've given me so much love and so much trust it warms my heart, so thank you ylli. thank you for being an adorable lil bunny and loving me and letting me love you, let's carry forward this energy <3

@fairyhaos- is it just me but i feel like you don't really need me to tell you how grateful i am and how much i love you, specially after what happened today lmao. but honestly, you were one of the first svt writers i came across, you have always been this really kind angel, and you ranting about shua makes my day in the best way possible. you're talented and adorable and so so reliable, and i'm really grateful for that. i'm glad i can call you my friend and i'm glad that you call me that too

@idubiluv- ah, yes, my virtual didi lmao (you said it, not me). you come here rarely because unlike most of us, you are slightly more responsible. and yet, you are so fucking loved and adored and i just love to see you getting so much affection, because you deserve eevry inch of it. we've had really fun conversations and your pfp always leads me to believe that you are absolutely gorgeous (i remember my sleep riddled brain once thinking that you would sparkle like edward when i'll first meet you...yeah i'm weird ahem anyway) and you have such a sparkly personality to match? heaven indeed

@the-therapist-needs-therapy- i remember us interacting continuously for a while, and then we just stopped, and i don't know why. let's become closer this next year, talking to you was fun.

@babyboyquokka- okay so we've talked a total of 4 times, but it was enough for me to decide that we really need to talk more (i am aware our timings don't really match but i have those rare days i pretend to be an owl and stay up very late so we'll see lmao)

@cadenonlinelive- how did we go from me being scared of you (...don't ask) to me actively teasing you (hello reply to me don't leave me on read) it might have something to do with the fact that the wifeys constantly call you adorable but ahem i do quite agree. i feel like my age plays a big factor why you might not feel the most comfortable with me, but i hope we can become good friends next year :))

@slytherinshua- eeeeeee you're my adorable lil (we are going to ignore the fact that you are taller than me) gremlin who makes me wanna kms but also bae are you okay. you have somehow made me question life within the short (yes i know surprising) period we've known each other, and also made me believe that with determination, anything is possible (like ranking 125 smth idols according to how much you love them). i'm really glad you made our server, because i don't think i would've stayed on this hellsite otherwise lol

@icyminghao- why is it that one of us will start a conversation in the other's askbox and then we just. stop interacting again ∏~∏ i love your work and i'd love to be closer :(( let's become good friends the coming year!

@ryuwonieebae- same as with haru, we talked and then stopped, and i wish we hadn't. i hope life is going well and you're happy :))

@rubywonu- niaaaa my love is it just me or did we barely interact but it still feels like we're already pretty good friends lol? i swear your work sends tingles down my spine it's that cute. you're also my favourite couprang, so i'm gonna take that as a free invite to rant to you about him whenever and wherever hehe (this is me telling you to expect ig reels in your dms i have way too many cheol reels saved)

@mesanthropi- weiwei!! bae you give me so many noni vibes + this-is-one-person-i-wanna-keep-around-for-a-long-time-if-they-will-have-me vibes it's crazy. i love our quirky conversations and i adore your art, but i specially like seeing you in others' inboxes— your asks are always just so cute. also, you are definitely someone i have cute aggression with so (...my pocket is large enough me thinks, you're always welcome)

@wheeboo- okay first and foremost, thank you for inviting me in the server in the first place, it has become a trusted source of entertainment and fun and just general clownery, and who doesn't love that? you and zanna really created a safe space for all of us and i'm so honoured that you even thought to add me there sob. BUT i also read your jun fic before anyone else i was squealing did i tell you? i was sooo excited afghjkl the end line is— thank you for trusting me and being my friend ilyyy

@hanniehaee- bro why did you randomly show up one day with a ridiculous amount of reblogs and disappear off of tumblr altogether WHERE ARE YOU I MISS YOU

@aaniag- hello fellow a little too crazy with the emoticons desi carat have i ever told you i love you? i have? well i don't care! i love you anyways lmao. a, i absolutely adore your random ass asks filled with 218 twins (spare me please), b, i love how you never stop yourself from going crazy with the emojis and emoticons, and c, i am very thankful that you love me so much, please don't stop doing that

@woozvc- noraaaa i feel like we've gotten so close lately, i specially love our little trio with cien hehe ^^ i love love love you and the way we blamed noni for never realising we weren't friends on discord for the longest time shall always make me smile. talking to your bf was adorable and i want you to keep reminding me that i have to write a fic for you, please and thank you!

@eternalgyu- to the awesomest most iconic goddess coded person ever, hello bae hru :D how tf r u so gorgeously stunning tell me the secret please i am so whipped but also, GREMLIN LINE!! you are as unhinged as zanna and that is truly appreciated. also, thank you for getting me into riize (i still need help) (also i will show up to tomorrow's quiz promise) i swear everything's so fun when you're around and i really hope we can get upto even more shenanigans next year mwah!

@welcometomyoasis- shu! adorable pretty shua coded shu! thank you for assigning me soonyoung in your end of the year post, and i meant everything i said in the tags okie? you're shua coded because you're soft and sweet and adorable and talented and i just really love you okie? never stop writing though, it gets me through on the bad days and i love it.

@springdayysworld- you get nothing, i'll see you in school (show up please no leaves allowed)

@mirxzii- look, all i know is that i love your voice, and that i really want you to show up in the server more so we can interact more, let's get closer next year!!

@blue-jisungs- axeeeee thank you thank you thank you for handling my silly little rants, specially yesterday's. your typos are adorable, your jokes are impeccable, your boomerness is lowkey rubbing off on me, and i really hope that i can write like you one day. i wish we can become better friends this coming year and continue being idiots. please don't stop being so axe :D ilysm <3

@haecien- cienciencien my smol tiny little bean i know you're older than me but ignore that please it's so fun to tease you and talk to you and simp with you. everything's just so much more fun with your unfiltered commentary and random rocket pictures (please don't stop). one day i would like to count all your husbands and complain to your bf (when is he asking you out please spare us) but until then, i love you.

@aakomii- i'm still surprised you followed me back tbh, you've always been a writer i've appreciated a lot and i'm glad i made an impression big enough lol, let's become good friends next year!

@etherealyoungk- give me your patience or your talent please, it takes me out every time. another thing i wonder is how are you so calm after stanning kwon soonyoung of all people (what is the secret tell me i need to know) but either way, i hope new year treats both of us well <3

@glosskirt- heheheheh fellow army ilysm we haven't interacted much but i hope we talk more because you're sooo fun <333

@candewlsy- mizu!! let's talk more because we really vibe and i look forward to every meme you send me (and the flirting. gotta love the flirting lmao)

@kkooongie- when you become moots on the last day on the year 😁🥰

#i love you guys sooo much <3

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heartingw · 1 year

Text

If I lose everything in the fire (I'm sending all my love to you) - Ellie Williams

punk!ellie x volleyballplayer!reader

Warning: pure fluff; weed (mentioned); pining; Jesse being a good friend; Dina mentioned; reader's physical characteristics never mentioned.

Words: 1.3k

a/n: no traumatized Ellie here. I might write something else with punk!ellie because I like it very much

★

Now, Ellie knew hating on athletes was very much cliche of her, but she could feel the stares in her back every time she went to the volleyball court to hand Jesse something (usually food Dina made for him).

Jesse was in the college volleyball team, playing as the setter and the boys' court being extremely close to the girls' court forced Ellie to face a lot of fucking tall girls with ponytails and tight as hell shorts. And Ellie, being the social eremite she was, walked all the way to Jesse with a scowl in her face. She hated when people stared at her and that what basically all the girls in the volleyball team liked doing for some fucking reason.

Yeah, she wasn't like them. Sure, she was a girl, just like them, but she had a full sleeve tattoo, piercings all around, played guitar in her free time not as a joke, smoked weed most of the time and dyed the under half of her head instead of looking for a therapist. And she'd rather die than using that fucking tight shorts.

"Here you are," Jesse greeted her with his usual smile. His teammates gave her a small wave before going back to practice. Ellie wondered how slapping balls was anyhow enjoyable. "Dina told me you were coming. I waited since you hate coming here."

"How nice of you." She scoffed. "Why don't you guys fucking move in together so you won't need a delivery boy all the time?"

"Because U-Haul is a you thing and we're poor college students."

She was ready to taunt him back when Jesse's eyes left her for something in her back. Ellie swore she could feel her bones freeze when she saw you.

So, maybe Ellie didn't hate all the athletic people in the world. There was Jesse, one of the best friends since high school. And there was you. You were the exception. With your fucking pretty face and smile. You fucking soft voice and eyes looking at her. She could remember perfectly the day you talked to her for the first time. Dina begged her to go to a frat party last year and she somehow agreed - it took thirty minutes before she realized she couldn't take it anymore and got up to leave. One of Ellie's biggest problems was that when she was stressed, she had to smoke - guess what a party full of drunk young adults does to you.

"You know, I've always wondered how it tasted, but I don't wanna compromise my performance in the court."

Ellie remember almost screaming when you spoke to her in a oddly polite way. Who says shit like that in a random Saturday night after a frat party? And why didn't she hear you getting closer to her.

She also remembered you dressed up and a very cute way with your pretty legs on display and unsure smile.

It wasn't a friendship. You greeted each other with a small wave or an "hey" in the campus; You have casual conversations when Ellie has to wait for Jesse when he's in a meeting with his team and asked her to wait. She knows your favorite color, your favorite food and movie. She knows you get anxious before every match, but pretends you aren't so you won't scare the youngest ones. She knows you're a libero and you loved playing volleyball since 13 years old.

And she knows you feel uncomfortable with your shorts because a lot of boys in college makes weird 'compliments' about it. Those fuckers.

But it wasn't a friendship. She didn't have your number, for example.

"I'm sorry to bother," your voice sounded embarrassed, "we wondered if you or the manager had a spare key of the storage room. Captain forgot hers at home and we need to get the balls for training."

Jesse nodded, "give me a minute, I think our coach has one."

When Jesse left, you got closer to her. You, with your uniform and easy smile. Ellie could feel her heart beating hard inside her body and her hands began to sweat. She gave a small smile nonetheless.

"Hey there, Williams. Being a delivery girl again?"

"Yeah, you know how it is," Ellie tried to sound non-challenge. "When your two best friend date, you get caught in the middle."

Jesus fucking Christ, your laugh was so beautiful. The way she could see your neck when you threw your head back and your shoulders moved. Ellie couldn't just not look. She wondered if you'd throw your head back like this if she kisses that pretty neck of yours.

Bad Ellie.

"Well, you're not wrong." You said and then shrugged. "Do you mind if I asked you a question?"

"Go on."

"The piercings in your mouth," your eyes were glued in her lips. "Doesn't it bother you sometimes?"

Ellie smiled and wet her lips automatically. You weren't the first person to ask her that. Her snake bites were one of her favorite piercings and it never caused her any trouble. The healing process sucks, of course, but when it's completely healed she felt very confident in her appearance. "Nah, they're good."

"Not even when you're kissing someone?" You lowered your voice a little and your eyes were now focused in hers.

Ellie's mouth opened slightly with shock and the air came out of her lungs as if she was trying to say something and failing. Her brain was malfunctioning, making her eyes blink nonstop. Her fucking lips got dry at the question. Why were you asking that? Just curiosity? What was she supposed to answer?

"I've never kissed anyone with piercings like yours," you got a little closer. "do you mind if I touch it?"

Again, what was she supposed to say? No? If you were anyone else, she'd immediately put you in your place. People just don't go around asking to fucking touch other people's lips or piercings. But you were you. You were the pretty volleyball players who was curious about weed, who didn't like drinking and who made Ellie's heart go boom.

"Y-yeah, I guess." She hated how stupid she sounded.

Soft hands touched her face and delicate thumbs caressed her bottom lip. You were careful with your touch, playing softly with her piercing while staring at it as of it was something incredible. Ellie couldn't help but imagine you pulling her face and kissing her piercings, then slowly moving to mold your lips to hers. Your tongue caressing hers. Would you feel bothered with the tiny steel against you?

"Coach asked you to give it back when you're done!" Jesse's voice came like a lightening hitting Ellie's body. She took a step back and saw you lowering your hands slowly and smiling as if nothing had happened.

"Our hero," you took the keys and turned to leave. Before reaching the doors you looked at Ellie. "You didn't answer my question! Jesse, can you give Ellie my number? I'm really curious." And then, you were gone.

Ellie was paralyzed. You wanted her to have your number. Your hands on her. Your fingers on her lips. You.

"I had more faith in you, now I owe Dina 50 bucks." Jesse's face held a bored expression.

"What the fuck?"

"I bet you were going to make the first move, Williams. You're all tattoos, piercings and black clothes, I believed in you." He said dramatically.

"Are you fucking kidding me, pretty boy? You bet on us? I don't even know if she's fucking gay!"

"Alright, my turn," Jesse crossed his arms. "Are you kidding me? Every single soul on the volleyball court knows she likes you. Why do you think everybody keep tabs on you two? Girl basically asked for a test drive kiss from you right now."

"You fucking saw that?"

"Me and the whole male volleyball team. Coach said he knows you're not an athlete, but you should grow some balls."

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie x reader #ellie x you #ellie williams #tlou x reader #tlou x you #my writing #idk how to write but i enjoy trying #anyway

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siblingskissing · 7 months

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Why is incest/encouraging (minor x adult relationships)/illegal relationships/sexualisation of minors etc. something that you feel very strongly about and that you feel is okay to share and express?? Just some sick fantasy or a joke? Does it arouse you? Do you genuinely take pride in these strange posts or is it just for the shits and giggles?? Just curious.. and I little overwhelmed, thats all —its not everyday you come across these type things. It makes me sad that this seems serious. But would suggest help from a professional if not been already. lastly, I apologise for mistaken words or misuse of grammar as English is not the first language. No hateful intent. Grateful for your time.

Hi! So usually I don't respond to asks like these but you were very generous with your wording so i don't mind explaining this here. No one send hate to this person because this is a genuine question and I appreciate the kindness in your tones.

My content is a cooing mechanism used by MANY people in order to deal with trauma. All these scenarios and posts are not meant to encourage real life acts but rather fictional scenarios that I (and others) have control over and can cope with.

I'm not gonna share my traumas- no one deserves to know that information and no one needs to hear me talk about it. But my point is: Me making posts about two characters I like in (admittedly) dark scenarios where I can control the outcomes and situations in a perfectly safe way is my way of healing. Many therapists encourage this and my page is a safe haven for others who do this/ like dark content scenarios.

I never encourage people to act on things of this nature in real life. I never encourage people to treat fiction and reality as the same thing.

Think for a moment on people who make horror movies. Subjects like murder, torture, SA and abuse are portrayed and explored without any real world abuse (in most cases, I'm aware some do feature real world abuse of actors and I refuse to watch those films).

People are allowed to enjoy fictional acts of violence and badness without their moral code being questioned. Not everyone enjoys it, and that's why we made a community that those people can block out using tags. My content isn't for everyone, but that doesn't mean I must cater to everyone either.

Thank you for the polite questions and I must again say- no one send this person hate or bother them.

Also sorry if anything seems weird or is misspelled, my brains been weird lately and I keep zoning out

#proship #proship community #proship please interact #ask answered #ask #Proship question

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rockngyrroser · 8 months

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therapy of the strongest sorcerer. part 1.

first step to open up. a/n: i read some fanfics for few last weeks, and i wanted to write mine, so I was thinking abt satoru gojo and… i think this man needs therapy. thank to all fanfics authors for inspiring me! i am very grateful. also i am sorry if there will be any gramatical errors etc., i'm still studying eng. also thank you all if you're reading this! this means a lot for me!!

content: sfw, gojo comes to the therapy for 6 months now, y/n gives her best to make him better and just do her work, action tooks place after Geto death (like 6 months after), gojo satoru x fem! oc

reminder: it's just my imagination, no need to read it if you don't like it, please have mercy, this is my first time writing smth like this and let it go to the public

it was thursday. very long day. not only because therapist work was tiring, but also, because the last patient is satoru gojo. he is very annoying somehow, he never wants to tell you the truth, even if you work together as a therapist-patient for a 6 months every thursday for at least one hour.

it's not like you always feel annoyed by your patients, you never do, but gojo is really weird one. he likes to be quiet for one hour, no matter what you try to do or say. he got the therapy appointments, because his company told him to go and they pay for his sessions. he likes to try to beg you for letting him go, just because he has some more important appointments like going out for an ice creams or just going back to his home and call you then that he was joking. you never believed him again about more important things and now you always call his company to know if this is true, if he tries to do it again.

he is like a child who is forced to go there. few times he said that you can have a deal. he gets a papers that he is okay now and you have free one hour, just for yourself. you became a therapist to help people with their mental health, not because any other reason.

your thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. they opened and you already saw white haired head of gojo satoru.

"hello, (l/n)-san" you knew it will be hard hour, but still you were optimistic inside of your heart. your mission is to help people and this is what makes you happy.

"welcome again, gojo-san! please take your seat." you said with calm tone and pointed at dark, comfortable sofa. you grabbed your notes about him and his therapy and sat on the comfy chair next to his sofa. "how was your week?"

it was different. you and gojo talked at the sessions more like friends, not like a therapy thing, it was more like meeting with your distant friend every week. as long as it was hard to start any conversation with him, you took his strategy to open him a little every week. but your plan wasn't working as you imagined.

"uhm.. i guess nothing new.. i ate some sweets.. i had some trouble with sleeping.. is this answer enough?" he said while he was looking at the ceiling.

"i think we both know the answer for your question, gojo-san. but.. i'm interested what kind of trouble with sleeping did you have? can you tell me more?" you asked trying anything, literally anything to start any deeper conversation.

"i couldn't sleep, but it's probably because my stomach was fulfilled with sweets.. like i said before i ate some.." he had smirk on his face. you looked at him with serious facial expression.

"i think this is some kind of preschoolers problems.. but you make it easy to treat you like one." you replied with smirk on your face.

"oh my god, if i really bother you.. as i said many times, you can let me just go, you are nothing to help me-"

"i am therapist so please, take me seriously, i am not playing with you, i am trying since 6 months to open you somehow, so i could help your mental health, because i get everyday calls from your company that you're still not changing in any way.. they even called me that you are crying so loud that they all can hear you! i am ready to help you, but please, just please, tell me what bothers you, because if you don't i'll never let you go, i'll keep you here for as long as you won't open." you bursted because you had enough of this.

he was looking at you with surprise on his face and seriousness. he didn't talk for a while. he just get up and walk around your office. after around one minute he sat down again.

you stood up and took a sip of coffee that you made.

"do you want coffee? water? anything?" you asked with dispiritedness in your voice.

"do you have tea? i understand your… problem.. i am sorry, i didn't know that you want to help me that much.. i was thinking.. i.. that you just want to make some money because my company pays and i don't care about that… i.. uhm…"

"i have tea." there was long silence, you did the tea and handed it to him.

"i want to help you, because i became therapist to help other people with their mental state, not to make money. will you just trust me? i am not monster or anything." you said calmly, trying to feel good again inside of you.

after 6 months of working with gojo, you finally see real chance to open up gojo.

#gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x y/n #gojo satoru x oc #gojo satoru #jjk gojo #gojo x reader #jujutsu gojo #jujustu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen #jjk satoru #gojou satoru x reader #jujutsu kaisen satoru #gojou satoru x you

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nerdysleepybunny · 5 months

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Hello, sleepyhead.

Welcome back my beloved cloud-dwellers! Welcome to the clouds, newcomers. I hope you're all enjoying your sleep. I'm Bunny! This is where I'll be posting a variety of different things, like fanfics, books, rambles, and more! I'm very open to requests or just general asks, but please remember that I am a minor!

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

My writing posts will have this image:

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

For people who want to send an ask:

If you want to send an ask but you're unsure of if it's acceptable or not, please feel free to DM me about it! We can discuss it and work something out. Though I do expect to be treated with respect. Do not rush my writing process or demand I write something I'm uncomfortable with. I treat others how they treat me! <3

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

What I will write:

Anything for pride/LGBTQ+!

Gender neutral reader

Fem!reader

Hybrid reader

Angst

Fluff

Romance

Books (short or long)

Headcanons

DreamSMP (I am VERY behind on lore, so if you want a specific lore era please be sure to explain it or link some clips!)

FNAF (robotic or human)

Minecraft

Little Nightmares + DLCs

Little Nightmares II

BATIM/BATDR

Roblox

Among Us (crewmates will be more humanized, but the Imposter is still an alien)

Bioshock 1, 2, & Infinite + Burial At Sea

Poppy Playtime

Beastars

The Promised Neverland (anime version! I have not read the manga)

Sailor Moon

The Amazing Digital Circus

Helluva Boss

Hazbin Hotel

My ocs

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

What I won't write:

Smut

Implied NSFW

You get the idea... I'm a minor you imbeciles

The farthest I'll probably go is simple kissing.

Male!reader

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

Bunny's boundaries:

Pronouns: She/It

I'm not a big fan of they, and I definitely don't want to be referred to as a male. If using it pronouns makes you uncomfortable, just refer to me as a she! <3

Nicknames: I don't have a problem with nicknames or petnames, especially silly ones! Just, y'know, don't be super weird. xD

Jokes: I'm cool with joke bullying, like "hey bitch" or other silly stuff like that!

DMs: My DMs are always open to everybody! If you have any questions or just need someone to talk to, I'm available and so is my discord if you want easier communication! But please do realize that I am NOT your therapist, nor should you be my responsibility. I have my own life and my own things to deal with. I'm just here to make friends and be silly! :3

I'll let you know if you request something that I'm uncomfortable with that isn't on here and add it, and of course do my best to give you an alternative of what you wanted!

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

Anon list:

Emoji anons:

None yet!

Word anons:

None yet!

Symbol anons:

None yet!

(Psst! If you were an anon before the new pinned post, please send me an ask with your anon so I can add you to the list!!)

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

Bunny's tags:

#bun updates

#buns life

#bun streams

#bun games

#bun asks

#bun writes

#bun rambles

#bun polls

#bun reblogs

Feel free to follow my tags to keep up with my posts! <3

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themaskstayson · 3 months

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Part three of the Wyll origin run

Ah man, this is a lot. I haven't had Gale so excited to talk to me since my first playthrough 500 hours ago it's kind of cute ngl

I'm thinking about Wyll being emo during the party cause the little scene is one of my favorites, and trying to cheer him up from his body dysphoria(?) but I also really, REALLY, enjoy the idea of Wyll stuffing his feelings down to make everyone happy since he can't be emo by the river since he's the party lead. Wyll is trying to keep the team morale high and then when he's alone in his bed he just cries to sleep. Cause, let's be real, no one is mentally capable to help each other when the player is the therapist.

Also, his funny lines are pretty good and I have been picking every single option to have Wyll just laughing the pain away.

So, we saved Karlach, asked her if she had any advice on horn care since I feel like that's a WAY better route to go instead of Wyll being depressed during the party when you are Tav amd makes more sense since Wyll is gonna mingle.

(Side rant: People say Wyll sucks because he's insensitive but like, come on. He's a DEVIL not tielfing! I think he's allowed to express how he feels uncomfortable in his new DEVIL body. "But tielfings have horns!" yeah okay but they straight up saw Wyll as a human like two days ago, they know something is fishy with the sulfer smell coming off him. You gonna say there's no difference??? Now THAT is insensitive /hj lol)

I also went to the Rest and Counsellor Florrick asked what the hell happened and once again Wyll joked that he was running with the wrong crowd. Unfortunately that backed fired and she said she knew since his father informed them which damn. Ulder is talking mad shit about his own son, that's crazy. Felt bad and then she had the audacity to demand my help???? Like I was gonna give it but damn.

Anyways, I was hoping to get to level 5 before the Goblin Camp but I didn't. So, we gambled it. Had Gut give me the sleep potion and got assistance for that. Knocked Minthara out cause I'm STILL trying to get that girl without being a bad guy. Then fought Ragzlin which.... that was rough. Gale did die but luckily his deas body did some damage to a goblin and Ragzlin. I usually cheese the fight but idk I decided not to this time around for some reason.

STILL not sure who imma romance. Flirted with Gale at the party, which was cute. I am leaning towards him cause I gotta stop romancing Astarion and Wyll all the time. And despite being a huge wyllstarion fan, Gale is doing something to my current need for a cute romance. Plus my other game I am romancing Astarion and Wyll (two Tav game yippee) so I should romance someone new. Karlach did not try to put the moves on me and I am not putting the moves on her so rip. First time ever Shadowheart and Lae'zel are meh about me, which is weird. I'll figure it out the next time I play but might be joining the Gale/Wyll club. I should find some fics to get into the mindset.

Also if anyone is reading these I should mention this is a modded custom game. Meaning I am using the mod honor feature unlock so i can have the playstyle with multiple saves, playing in a custom game that I cannot see the NPC HP, gave the NPC 100% more HP compared to the game 30% more. I want the multiple saves for story stuff cause I'm still trying out new lines but also I need the combat to be harder.

Honour Feature Unlock

Tactician Plus (best for party limit begone tbh this file I'm doing just 4 to a party tho but in other files with everyone, I use the 150% HP)

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #wyll ravengard #wyll origin run #my screenshots

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venacoeurva · 2 years

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It’s the pinned post, READ IT PLEASE

Commissions can be found here: https://ko-fi.com/venacoeurva/commissions

Non-art posts will be tagged as “not art” and text posts are “vena vents”. Reblogs of my own posts are “Day reblog” blacklist these without quotations if you don’t want to see them.

I’m over 25, bi aro, and dude-esque, I use these w/ queer interchangeably.

Not all content is close to mature or suggestive but I would still prefer you to be 18+

I have anxiety issues and due to the nature of this website I will frequently delete posts. Posts that get too big freak me out, so don't be surprised when I turn off reblogs. I also have memory problems, including short term, bear with me.

I don’t know how to feel about gift art of my OCs quite yet. I’m protective of them given how “fandomized” orig stories/chars ended up. Please use common sense with other’s creations/characters and don't just do things with other peoples' characters/stories without their permission.

I block people into incest and adult/minor pairings, and any others I happen to be skeeved out by as I encounter em. Social media curation, baby

I BLOCK ACCTS THAT LOOK LIKE BOTS. CHANGE YOUR ICONS. REBLOG OR POST SOMETHING.

I block h*rry p*tt*r accounts on sight, yes, even people who put it out there that they don’t like the author and only engage in the fandom.

My art’s not cleared for reposting (REPOSTING =/=REBLOGGING)/tracing/edits/RP/Commercial purposes. If you want to make merch for personal use, still PLEASE ASK ME FIRST if it’s more complex than just printing it on paper and sticking it to your wall. Consider it a “no” until asking me and getting a yes. Please understand how uncomfortable this can be for artists to just DO that without asking (and people have).

That's the main stuff, more info below

Other Rules:

I also block accounts dedicated to reposting (not reblogging) art unless the art is extremely well known, published, or very old.

I block accounts promoting or enabling AI (the current ~trendy~ interpretations of them, not the scientific simulation types)

If I mention a character not present in a post, I censor their name to avoid it ending up in results.

I have VERY limited social energy. Also please don’t just try to small talk.

Also if you try to joke with me and it's not obvious/a very well-known reference there is a chance it'll go completely over my head and I'll just stare at your reply/ask blankly and move on. If it comes off as you being a dick I'll just block you tbh (esp bc a lot of jokeyness on here is playful rudeness toward strangers)

Sometimes I'll block just off bad vibes

I’m critical of sites/companies/brands, including small ones if it warrants criticism, including A_/0/ 3

Don’t be weirdly horny on my art, saying a character looks hot or whatnot is fine, if it’s mature content then go nuts, but I don’t need to hear about what some character needs to do to you.

I’m not your therapist. I cannot stop you from committing suicide or suffering from other severe mental crises and I am not trained to. I will block trauma-dumpers.

l will block if you’re reblogging personal posts for no reason when I forget/can’t turn reblogs off or reblog spamming one of my posts a ton in a row, because reblogging one post a trillion times is just a thing people do now?

I don’t want to be mutuals with anyone under 18 (or 21, more realistically)

If you’re a minor reblogging/liking mature posts (which means you lied about your age to be able to view), I will block you. If you’re a minor leaving horny comments/tags on things, that’s also very uncomfortable and I will block you.

Also don’t ask me to be mutuals, if it happens it happens.

Just because you commissioned me it does not mean we're friends. That's a weird, unrealistic expectation and I'm a very closed off person.

I won’t share donation posts unless it’s vetted by others/via a trusted source.

I know sometimes my art ends up on Amazon, nothing I can do about that.

If you call yourself problematic/proship or call people puritans or fandom cops (or claim fandom critics is purity culture) a bit too unironically and seriously I’m just blocking, man, but frankly, if your main occupation is shipping discourse regardless of stance and you’re older than like 17-20 or beefing with actual children I’m also just blocking you. There’s nuances and neither side likes to work with those and you're too damn old to be making that your main hobby, let alone doing it at all.

#not art

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aprillikesthings · 1 month

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Now that I've spent a good day thinking about how hot it is when Catra is a terrible person corrupted by setting off a portal, I'm ready to go back to (re)watching her try to be Good lolol

well okay more than one day.

I mean I literally spent the last four? five? days listening to songs off The Downward Spiral over and over while thinking about Catra and practicing my makeup for my Catra cosplay and ordering more of the things I need for it; like literally just staring off into space at work between phone calls thinking about Catra

I'm totally a well-adjusted middle-aged adult, thanks for asking!

Shit where did I even leave off

Oh right

SO HEY if you're new here, I've been rewatching all of the 2018 She-Ra, and I started doing it for fic-writing reasons but predictably I have become deeply obsessed. Anyway these posts sometimes have a lot of asides and commentary and references to other stuff and dumb jokes among a ton of screenshots, also (and it feels odd saying it this close to the end of the show) it's a RE-watch, so there's often spoilers for later bits of the story, also I keep trying NOT to just describe the entire plots of the episodes but I keep failing lol

s5 ep7 Perils of Peekablue

Adora's trying to become She-Ra (without an immanent threat) and then Bow and Glimmer distract her, and then the door opens on Catra and

I literally did a YES YES YESSSS AHAHAH out loud bc this is the point at which Catra just starts OPENLY FLIRTING, as opposed to just uhhhh flirtatiously taunting I suppose lol

like you're SITTING IN HER LAP

Also while rewinding it to watch again I paused it at the most hilarious moment

look at Catra's FACE

help I can't stop laughing but also look at Bow's expression

Glimmer: omg I'm gonna get to see my dad Catra: *gets up and leaves*

But also I make this face when a cat leaves my lap before I wanted them to:

Anyway they're a day out from arriving at Etheria

Adora's trying so hard

BACK ON ETHERIA

YAY IT'S THIS ONE

the intro finally changed!! I can't get a good screenshot but now when Catra (with short hair) and Adora (in She-Ra's new get-up) are fighting they stop much faster and they're both smiling omgggg

and there she is!! with everyone else!!

okay I'm going to take way less screenshots etc of the underwater speakeasy thing because let's be honest: that part of the plot isn't what I'm here for lol

But yeah they're going to the speakeasy thing to get Prince Peekablue who can see to the edges of the galaxy and can maybe tell them where Adora and the others are because they don't know what happened

Oh also Spinarella is chipped and Netossa is realizing something is off/weird about her but doesn't know what

Oh hey! You used to work for Huntara in the Crimson Wastes

Sea Hawk has pissed off approximately half the people in the room it seems (by lighting their ships on fire at some point)

Scorpia and Perfuma are the cutest and I can absolutely see how they end up together

In my fic I originally had Adora talking to some kind of therapist but I wasn't sure they existed on Etheria, and last week I edited that bit so Adora is talking to these two (which makes the conversation more fun AND easier to write anyway)

Perfuma: "Scorpia. You should do things not because you're good at them, but because they make you happy." THAT IS ONE OF MY LIFE PHILOSOPHIES thank you Perfuma you're 100% correct and I tell people this ALL THE TIME

Mermista: "I might've set their boat on fire. Just to see what it felt like."

Sea Hawk:

lolol

YESSSS I love this scene

Perfuma makes a flower, throws it to Scorpia as she sings, and she blushes and tucks it into her hair, these two are so sweet and cute

oh god I forgot that when "Prince Peekablue" get stung by Scorpia they go through the last half-dozen shapeshifts before turning into a (passed-out) Double Trouble.

lolol instead of "cash cow" it's an insult to poor Catra

Anyway they have the info the Rebellion wanted!

Horde Prime is pissed and has blockaded the planet, also half the people at the speakeasy were chipped....and now so is Mermista, though nobody realizes that yet

But also the phrasing of "She-ra stole his little kitten away" is just amazing

But also the last they heard, Adora and Bow and Entrapta had left to rescue Glimmer, do they think Double Trouble is talking about Glimmer here or what

(which. they did. they just also went back for Catra.)

Netossa realizes her wife (and most of the people around them) are chipped D:

And a chipped Mermista is gonna drown them all

oh shit Micah is also chipped

Entrapta gets the comms working!

"The Rebellion's been compromised! Horde Prime has them! We lost, I'm so sorry! We lost them!" --and then the comms go to static

AND CREDITS!

#april rewatches spop #perils of peekablue

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adventuringblind · 9 months

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New to your account, but love your neorodivergent/autistic reader with Oscar!! Just wondering, are you one, or do you know someone who is? I'm just curious cause you are nailing it down even to the small stuff, and I love it. If your uncomfortable sharing, I'd understand. I'm not autistic but I am part of the neurodivergent side, so thank you for the representation cause not many write about autistic or neurodivergents as a whole.

Also, sorry for this long ass message, and the floor is the best!! I really wanna know which motor home and track feels good enough to sleep in after one of the posts you did 😅

Yes! At least… most likely. I’ve been trying to get diagnosed with something even if it’s not autism. My doctor and therapist both thing that I am and I’ve been referred to a psychologist in hopes of getting a diagnosis.

I am a teacher (when I’m not writing). I’ve had to study a lot of the criteria for anything covered under the IDEA act because it’s important as an educator and for me personally to be able get a student the help they need as soon as possible.

I’ve been able to help both students and adults get answers they needed and get students the tools to help them be successful. I also just like learning about the brain in general. Anyone who knows me personally knows not to bring up the brain unless they want me to talk about for hours.

I actually didn’t think anything about it at first. Nobody had ever said anything to me and I had accepted the fact that I was a weird kid. Like… really weird.

Too old for my age. I hated the feeling of makeup (still do) and nobody understood why. Conversations were always difficult because I didn’t get majority of the jokes or I was ‘to deep’ or obnoxiously blunt. I’m a picky eater and have always been obsessed with specific things. My sensory issues are ridiculous and I was always shushing people who talked loud next to me. People purchased me clothes that I never wear because I hate the feeling. I was either disrespectful or extremely polite. I never changed even though my friends liked different things then I did. The list goes one…

Recently I encouraged my boyfriend if four years to get tested for ADHD. No shocker to anyone that he is and is now diagnosed. He also has practice with early intervention because he worked in early childhood. His own diagnosis, research, and speculations made him bring up the idea to me.

I pushed it off because I’m overly empathetic not apathetic. Basically I didn’t feel that I met the diagnosis criteria that I’d been studying in my college courses.

Actual research about how autism is more then the diagnostic criteria led me to believe maybe I’m neurodivergent in some way.

My boyfriend love to tell me ‘I told you so.’

I also know that self-diagnosis in the autistic community is welcomes usually. The only reason I say that I am is because of that and my doctor and therapist agree. I just don’t have a formal diagnosis yet.

It has explained a lot and it makes me look back on my childhood with more sympathy for myself.

Sorry for this long winded answer. The answer is yes which is why I write for neurodivergent readers.

If you want to see something specific or maybe a different type neurodivergent reader please let me know! :)

Definitely the Redbull ring and the Mercedes garage floor because it looks cold and shiny

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craycraybluejay · 7 months

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I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I know it'll only be a few days I still miss you can we cuddle I miss you I want to see you laugh so hard you break a nearby object without thinking I miss you I want to hear you make an absolutely unfunny joke and watch your smug face about it I miss you I want to steal food off your plate and pretend it's because I'm extra hungry and not because I just want the intimacy of breaking bread together I miss you it's not like that I swear it's not I miss you you have no idea how much my therapist hears about you even though I have worse problems and more 'important' things to think about I miss you I had a dream and you were in it and I maybe had a tear or two I miss you you are so much smarter than everyone else you and I can actually engage in interesting discourse you stimulate my brain so much I miss you I want to give you one of my accessories to put on to show you that I adore you and also that you're My human I miss you even when you're right next to me I get so sad thinking about what if we die and never see each other again I miss you is anyone bothering you do you need me to attack someone I miss you I wish I could make you more like me so you could like me MORE I miss you I still remember awkward things we don't talk about I miss you not in a weird way though I miss you I think about hugging you and forehead kisses and you rolling your eyes at me because I'm so weird and only you don't really judge me seriously I miss you I miss keeping you close by so that everyone knows we are inseparable and better than them and having more fun than them I miss you I want to hear you talk about the stuff you're interested about that I have no interest in for 24 hrs straight I miss you you're such a dumbass I miss you you're one of the only things I cry over anymore I miss you I'm scared of losing you I miss you don't ever leave me don't even pretend to leave me don't even joke about it don't even reference it don't I miss you are you okay do you want to cuddle can I get you something to eat you seem really sad I miss you please cry on my shoulder when you need a shoulder to cry on I miss you please tell me all your problems so I can hold them too and help you feel better I miss you please bitch at me about annoying things I miss you please be gentle with my heart I miss you.

#repetition #cw repetition #cw repeating words #vent ish #codependency #delete later #miss you #love #you will dig your fingers into my beating heart and i will continue to let you until the moment i die

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calliethetrekkie · 7 months

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Star Trek TOS S01E10: Dagger of the Mind

Original Thoughts

"Overall good episode. The Neural neutralizer is both fascinating and horrifying. It’s another episode that got my attention based off concept alone, the planting/removal of emotions. Pretty sure this thing would be VERY unethical in the mental health field, but still. Also, nice to finally see Spock use the Mind Meld since that’s something I was waiting on. Feels like Kirk having had a fling with Dr. Noel was an necessary point to add aside from still having feelings for what was essentially a one night fling just didn’t add anything, though the planting of the emotion by Dr. Noel and then exploited to painful levels by Adams was again fascinating and horrifying. Overall, a good episode that again has interesting ideas that are played well enough to keep my investment."

(Original Post)

Rewatch Thoughts

So fun fact, my mother is a LCSW and works as a counselor. While I myself am no professional, due to it, I look at stuff that handles mental health and psychology with a pretty close lens. I also enjoy mind control/hypnosis/mental kind of plots for some weird reason. IDK, it's a good way to explore a character and see different sides to them and how they cope with it. So to say that this episode interested me is no exaggeration.

Now... I know that this came out in the 60's. Thus, our knowledge and ability to understand and treat mental health was NOT all that great. I will give the episode credit in showing that something like the neutralizer, a device that implants suggestions, as a bad thing. Again, I am no therapist, but I am almost positive that having this kind of device in today's world would be incredibly immoral. Even for just therapeutic reasons, to implant or remove emotions for any reason... that's not how it works.

But again, different time, and again it is portrayed as a bad thing. God, I feel horrible for all the people who had to endure that thing. We see how many of them are just blank slates and Gelder, the one person who managed to get away, is in constant pain as he tries to warn the Enterprise. Dr. Adams is terrifying, seeming like a perfectly kind and pleasant doctor, but abusing people who need his help, all without losing the kindly attitude. People like that do exist among doctors and therapists, and it's sickening. Thank God that McCoy is actually a good doctor and went with his gut by convincing Kirk to investigate. Otherwise, they'd have likely returned Gelder and Dr. Adams would have been free to continue. It sounds like Gelder was able to at least start recovering at the end, so hopefully the rest who Adams tormented will be able to as well.

So the main plot has Kirk beaming down to investigate along with a psychiatrist named Dr. Helen Noel. Apparently they had a fling at a Christmas party and while Noel is still interested in him, Kirk isn't and/or is in Captain Mode, so nothing like a fling matters. I'm almost positive that McCoy did it on purpose as some sick joke based on Kirk's reaction, haha. Honestly... I don't know why they needed Dr. Noel in this? She does barely anything from a psychiatric point of view and to implant suggestions into Kirk until Adams finds them. I don't want to say she was useless, she DID cut the power and even electrocute a guy in an admittedly really cool scene. And I get why they couldn't have McCoy go, since they need him on-board the ship to tend to Gelder. But otherwise, Noel just feels like she's there because they needed Kirk talk to somebody and have some romantic tension. I read that it was originally going to be Rand, but since the actress was on the verge of leaving, and it wouldn't make any sense for a Yeoman to go, they made Noel. I guess that's just how it goes.

Also, not sure how I feel about Kirk here. He not only brushes off Bones' concerns until he sees the facility for himself, but he decides that it's a great idea to have Noel test the neutralizer on him. Like... really Kirk? Really? That was NOT one of your brighter ideas. I will give him credit, he holds out FAAAR longer than most others likely would have. Even when brainwashed to be in love with Noel, his mind is on being a Captain and saving their hides, despite how much pain it causes him. I guess that Starfleet training really came in handy this episode. I also hope that he had some kind of therapy from McCoy or some kind of counselor (NOT Noel) after this, because even at the end you can tell that he's not fully recovered from the torture. Then again, it's unlikely he'd seek it out for himself... ah Kirk, you're such a mess. I love you, but you're a mess.

This episode is also notable for being the very first instance where we Spock perform the Vulcan mind meld. Apparently they were going to use regular hypnosis, but the network said that either they had McCoy do it since he's... you know, a doctor, or they think up something else. Leonard Nimoy came up with the meld, and thus an essential piece of lore was established. It's hilarious tbh how Spock is reluctant because the mind meld is a private affair, and he's never done it on a human... and proceeds to do it in front of multiple people on various other humans throughout the franchise. Guess he got over it pretty quickly XD

Still, it was nice to see it since I'd heard about it, but I had no idea what a mind meld actually was. I guess this also helped establish Vulcans as touch telepaths, at least in fanon since IDK what's established canon and what isn't anymore. We'll have more fun with melds and such later on. The whole scene is superb, with Spock uncertain with McCoy pushing him because Kirk's life may very well depend on it. Gelder has given his consent and Spock does his thing as McCoy keeps an eye on Gelder's vitals. Considering Spock saying how private it is, we do see a little bit of how he must trust McCoy if he's willing to do it in front of him. I'll blab about that more on my main blog. And of course both are motivated due to, once again, Jim's safety. Want to make Spock and McCoy get along? Throw Jim in danger XD

And I need to go into fangirl mode for a second, but McCoy is really good in this episode! Like I said, if it weren't for him, they never would have looked into Adams at all. He has no proof of anything being wrong, but decides to voice it to the captain and push him to investigate anyway. Kirk clearly thinks that he's holding onto an old stigma regarding penal colonies at first, but turns out he was 100% correct. I almost wish that he did get to meet Dr. Adams because I can only imagine the interactions that we could have gotten concerning medical ethics. Now that would have been awesome to have seen, but alas. IDK, McCoy doesn't get the recognition that I feel he deserves, and I think that despite not being the most in-focus, he has some of the best material here.

So yeah, this episode was good! Fun concept, some nice establishment of lore, and it's certainly thought-provoking. Especially with how Adams ultimately dies, literally dying of loneliness via his own device. It's scary, but IDT anyone will argue that it was more than deserved. It's not perfect by any means, I could have done without Dr. Noel and I almost would have preferred Rand. But that's more nitpicking than anything. It's a solid episode and one that I enjoyed.

Original Rating: 4/5

Rewatch Rating: 7/10

[My TOS Reviews]

[TOS S1 Reviews]

[Previous Review] / [Next Review]

#star trek #star trek tos #tos s1 #st reviews #tos s1 reviews #dagger of the mind #tos reviews

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