#I think I'm going to try to keep up with her eps this season

[confused-pyramid]

You're the Only One Who Knows to Slow it Down | s5

pairing: aaron hotchner x childhood bsf!reader

summary: Hotch and his childhood best friend working together at the BAU: a slow burn across the seasons.

word count: 16.2k

warnings: canon!typical violence, mentions of abuse, major character death, gun violence, drinking, specific episodes mentioned in this part are 5x01, 5x02, 5x06, 5x09, 5x10, and 5x21

a/n: This season was really hard to write at points (I think we all know which eps I'm talking about lol) but I'm looking forward to brighter days ahead:') Also we get some more tangible tension so yay! Title is from Look After You by The Fray

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"We're not working a case," Derek states matter-of-factly when you arrive at the crime scene. You were woken up early the next morning after getting back from Canada, and on less than four hours of sleep, your brain is struggling to function.

"Why call us to a crime scene?" you ask, walking up to the front door of the house with the rest of the team.

He shrugs. "I was hoping you knew."

You look around, trying to find Aaron, but he's nowhere in sight. He had promised to put in the team request for a few days of leave, but you presume the call came in before he got a chance to do so.

The local police let you survey the scene, explaining that a Dr. Barton got a threatening letter that someone would be murdered everyday that he didn't give up his own son. Once you're done inspecting the body, you turn to JJ, lowering your voice. "Where's Hotch?"

"He's not answering his cell," she says, her lips thinning. "I assume it's on vibrate."

You nod. "I'll try him again."

You step away from the group and click his number in your speed dial, listening to the rings until it reaches his voicemail. It's unlike him to keep his phone on silent, but you know the previous night was tough on everyone. "Hey, it's me." You tell him the address you're heading to for the case, before turning towards the car and lowering your voice. "I know you're probably just asleep, but I don't know...I have that weird feeling again that you know I get...so please just call me back." You take a deep breath, hoping you're being overdramatic, and that you'll see him pull up in a few minutes. "See you soon."

When you get to Dr. Barton's house, he still hasn't called you back. You sit with the doctor, Prentiss, and Reid in his living room, going through his recent patient files, while Morgan, JJ, and Rossi head to the school to find his son.

"Something set this guy off," Emily explains as you start poring over the records. "Odds are it's in your files."

You manage to get through about a dozen before Dr. Barton stands up with a sigh. "My son is leaving school in five hours. There's no way we can get through all of these patients in time."

You check your phone again, mostly to see the time, but you also note that there aren't any new calls or messages. "He's right. We need more eyes on this. I can get Hotch and be back in a half hour."

"Keep us updated," Emily says, nodding at you. Concern flashes across her eyes for a millisecond, and you're sure it reflects the look in yours.

The drive to his apartment doesn't take long, and you stalk down the hall, all the way to the end, until you find his door. There's no answer the first time you knock, so you reach for the spare key he gave you, but before you can use it, you realize the door is already unlocked.

Your heart drops into your stomach and you pull your gun out, using it to push open the door carefully. "Aaron? Aaron, it's me."

When the door is ajar, the sight before you almost makes you drop your gun. There's a large bullet hole in the far wall, along with a patch of drying blood and bits of broken glass on the floor. His phone is on the ground as well, and his gun and holster are lying on his dining table.

You crouch down on your heels, trying to calm your breathing, as you take in your surroundings. You need to think logically about this, or you'll be no help at all.

A few things come to you as your mind clears.

His car is still outside.

No blood splatter around the bullet hole.

No drag marks.

You dig your hand around your back pocket and pull out your phone, dialing Garcia as fast as you can. "Overtime shift, Penelope speaking."

Her chipper voice usually calms you down, but right now you need to cut to the chase. "Garcia, it's me. Something's happened to Hotch. You need to get an APB out on him."

Her breath stutters. "What do you mean, something?"

"There's blood on the floor," you whisper, willing your voice not to crack as your throat thickens with tears. "There's also a bullet hole in the wall, probably a .44."

"I'll send the whole team," she says before you cut her off.

"No, don't call the team. They need to finish the case we were assigned. Just tell Emily, since she's expecting me back, but send every other agent in the vicinity."

"On it."

The line clicks off and you release your breath, before standing up again. While you wait for the crime scene techs, you poke around his things in the main area, trying to see if anything has been taken or moved. The only thing you notice before they arrive is that a page has been ripped from his address book.

"Agent L/N?" a voice calls from the doorway.

You lift your hand. "Yeah, in here."

They come inside and get to work immediately, so you step out, just in time for Garcia to call you back. "Y/N, I checked local hospitals for his name, and I didn't find anything at first, but then one of them told me something really strange."

"Garcia," you whisper through gritted teeth. You love her, but she needs to hurry up before you explode. "What was it?"

"Someone dropped off a John Doe at St. Sebastian hospital, and that someone's name was FBI Agent Derek Morgan."

Your vision turns black for a moment. He's back. Foyet's back.

You're rushing to your car before she has a chance to hang up.

***

He's still under anesthesia when you arrive at the hospital. He was stabbed nine times. That's what the nurse told you when you flashed your credentials and asked for any information she could give you.

Now, you're standing in his doorway, trying to build up the nerve to approach his sleeping form. Even with all of the bandages covering his arms and abdomen, he somehow looks peaceful. It's been so long since you've seen his brow unfurrowed, his forehead smooth, without the tension that invades his daily life.

After a few minutes, you take a step inside, then another, and suddenly you're right beside him, reaching out to clutch his hand over the bedsheet.

His skin is cold, and you wrap both hands around his to warm it up, if even by just a little. He's usually a furnace, generating his own heat even when it's freezing out, but whenever he gets hurt, his hands turn to ice.

After a minute, your phone buzzes in your pocket and you let him go to answer it. It's just Emily telling you that she's at the hospital with the rest of the team, and you walk out into the hall to talk to them.

Rossi is the first to reach you. He squeezes you into a hug before getting back to business. "You sure it was Foyet?"

"He had Morgan's credentials," you nod, rubbing a hand over the back of your neck. Derek glances at you then, and you press your lips together with a nod.

"Did they catch him on the security cam?"

"You could see him dropping Hotch off," you explain, trying to keep your voice steady, "but the camera's only on the entrance, so I have no idea what direction he went once he left the hospital."

Emily shakes her head. "It doesn't make sense for him to have brought Hotch to the E.R."

The nurse from earlier approaches you then, pulling your attention. "Agents, he's waking up."

You shuffle inside and take his hand again as everyone walks in.

His voice is soft when he opens his eyes. "Where am I?"

"In the hospital," Emily whispers, taking care to be mindful of her volume.

He shuts his eyes for a beat. "How did I get here?"

"Foyet drove you." Rossi doesn't frown often, but the lines of his face are clearer than ever. "Can you remember what happened?"

Hotch shakes his head, closing his eyes. "What did he take? The Reaper always takes something from his victims."

"There was an address page missing from your day planner," you whisper, finally finding your voice. "In the B's."

His eyes snap open and he tries to lift his head from the pillow, but he can only wince. "Where are my clothes?"

Emily hands him a plastic bag filled with his belongings, and he ruffles through them, until he finds his wallet. When he opens it, a photograph is stuffed inside, covered in blood spatter. Haley and Jack.

Your breath catches, and he seems to realize what it means at the same moment you do. "Haley's maiden name is Brooks. I always listed her in the B's in my personal information in case it fell into the wrong hands."

You squeeze his hand involuntarily, and he exhales sharply. "He knows where they live."

***

When the rest of the team rushes off to his old house, you stay with him at the hospital. You get a call soon from JJ that Haley and Jack are just fine, and you are finally able to breathe easy for the first time all day.

"They're okay," you tell him when you hang up the phone. "That was JJ. She said Haley was home and Jack's at a playdate, but Morgan is going to pick him up right now."

He nods slowly, his body relaxing into the bed. "Good. That's good."

"It is," you say, eyeing his movements. It's still enormously difficult to look at him like this, but you won't be able to move forward if you don't know the truth. "Aaron, what happened? What did he do?"

"I don't remember all of it," he says slowly, clearly taking his time with each word. There's no rush, and he knows it. Even if it takes him hours to get it all out, you'll still be here. "I remember him being there when I got home, after I dropped you off. He fired off a shot into the wall, and then I tried to tackle him, but..."

He trails off, and you squeeze his hand tighter, as though trying to tether him to the present moment. After a few shallow breaths, he continues. "I tried to tackle him, and I got him on the ground, but then he overpowered me." You can almost see it in your mind. The picture he's painting as he weaves over the details with startling clarity. "The first one hurt the most."

The first stab. Your eyes close for a beat, like you're trying to hide from his words. The first of nine.

"I don't remember much after that." You can tell he's leaving things out, but you also don't know if you'll be able to handle it if he does tell you everything.

"That's okay," you whisper as his eyes droop down. "You should rest."

He nods slowly as the exhaustion takes over and his grip loosens around your hand as he falls asleep.

You wait by his side for about a half hour, until you spot a familiar face (with a new haircut) dawdling in the hallway.

You stand up in a fervor. "Oh, thank god."

You rush over to Haley and pull her into a hug, which she returns just as forcefully. "JJ called us when she found you, but it's still really good to see your face."

"It's good to see you too," she says with an exhale before letting you go. You look down and see Jack standing next to her, his mouth downturned as his fingers twiddle at his sides. "Do you mind staying with him while I go talk to Aaron?"

You turn around and see that he's blinking his eyes open again. "Not at all." You take Jack's hand with a smile and lead him down the hall.

"I'm sorry if the big men scared you," you tell him once you find a few seats in the waiting area. "I know it was all very sudden."

To your surprise, his face breaks out into a big grin. "Uncle Derek let me turn on the siren!"

"Wow!" you smile, feeling warm laughter echo around your chest. "That sounds super fun."

He nods ecstatically, before leaning his head over to look back up the hall. "Can I see Daddy now?"

Your smile falls as fast as it appeared and you take his hand again, pressing his fingers between yours. "Soon, baby, soon."

***

He wakes up to the sound of faint talking. He can vaguely see you hugging someone, and he blinks a few times to clear his vision as you disappear down the hall.

"How do you feel?" Haley asks as she walks into his hospital room. She doesn't come further than the foot of the bed, but he's just glad to see her here, in one piece.

He clears his throat quietly. "I'm gonna be okay." She doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't want to focus on him right now. "Did they explain to you what's happening?"

She nods slowly, looking at him for another moment. "They said the Marshal's service is taking us straight from here and putting us into protective custody."

She looks upset, and it takes him back to the lowest moments of their relationship. "Haley, I'm sorry."

She looks down and the familiar urge to comfort her returns, even while lying in a hospital bed. "Do you know where they're gonna take us?"

"No, I don't." He tries to catch her eye but she won't look at him. "And that's the point. I can't know where you're going. If you have any contact with anyone, then he could track you."

She finally looks at him then, and her sadness is tinged with exasperation. "Jack has school. He has friends. I have a job now."

He doesn't know what else to say but: "I know. I'm sorry." He hopes he's conveying what he means, but it doesn't feel like enough. "We will catch him, and you'll come back, and I promise that I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you."

She nods minutely, and he takes the small comfort. "Are you sure that we're in danger?"

"Yes." There's little else he's been more sure of.

"And what about you?" she asks, her voice small. "Are you gonna be safe?"

He doesn't want to worry her, but he also doesn't want to lie. "He wants to see me suffer. Knowing that my son is out there and that I can't see him is better than killing me."

Her brow pinches and she pushes her short hair back from her forehead. "Jack wants to come in."

He tries to argue at first, not because he doesn't want to see him, but because it will only make it harder to let him go again, but eventually she convinces him to accede.

She leaves to go get him, and he leans back on the pillows, trying not to let himself sink inside.

~

Haley finds you in the waiting area, with Jack sitting on your lap, in the middle of a game of I Spy.

"Is he ready for him?" you whisper when you see her approach. She nods and you lift Jack off your lap and set him on his feet. "Off you go, buddy. Time to see Daddy."

"Yay!" he cheers before racing down the hall, you and Haley right behind him. She steers him into the correct room, and he jumps onto the bed before either of you can stop him.

There's a quiet chorus of 'be careful's before he grunts, "Don't worry. It's okay. The doctors made sure that I'm completely fine." He turns to the small boy with a smile you haven't seen in days. "Did Mommy tell you that you two are gonna take a trip?"

Jack nods once, moving his chin up and down dramatically. "Yeah."

"So I'm not gonna see you for a while."

Jack frowns. "Why?" The word sounds so small out of his mouth, and your heart cracks in your chest.

"Well, think about it like when Daddy goes away for work. Only this time you and Mommy get to go someplace."

Jack ponders this for a few seconds, before crawling up again and wrapping his arms around his dad's neck. "Are you okay?"

"I'm very proud of you." It's a father's answer. The kind of response that doesn't tell the truth, but hides the pain with love. "Every single day. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay."

Haley says another goodbye and grabs Jack's hand before leading him out of the room. She gives you another hug, squeezing extra tight for the last second. "It's not his fault."

"Of course it isn't," you whisper, letting her pull back.

"No," she whispers, closing her eyes. "I mean, don't let him blame himself for this."

He's one of the most stoic people you know, but he can also be so transparent sometimes. "I won't. I'll be here."

"He needs you," she says with a sad smile. "He's always needed you, but he especially needs you now."

She doesn't let you respond before she's tugging Jack down the hall. You watch as she exits the side door of the wing, and only turn back when you can't see her anymore. She's one of your longest friends, and you won't be able to see her or her son for god knows how long.

When you step back into the room, you stand at the foot of his bed, trying to gauge what he needs from you, but then you see his expression. Tears prick the corners of his eyes and his mouth twists as you rush forward and grab his hand, squeezing it between yours with the grip of someone holding onto a life preserver.

"They'll be okay," you whisper, trying to keep your own tears back. "We'll get through this."

He nods, his eyes still shining. You move to sit in the chair beside him, but he tugs you back, pulling you closer. You understand the desperate look in his eyes, the need for connection and comfort from someone you care about that you've seen in yourself on so many occasions.

Slipping your shoes off, you tuck the sheet into his side and carefully climb onto the little hospital bed, taking care to avoid any of the wires and tubes. Once you're sure you're not pulling on anything, you curl up beside him and wrap yourself around his arm. His skin is warmer than it was earlier, and you take solace in the fact that he's going to be okay. Maybe not now, but he will be.

Your breaths synchronize with his and you listen to the beeping of the heart monitor as your own heart rate calms down. There's a feeling tugging at your spine, filling you up and threatening to spill over, but you shove it down, knowing it will be too much right now. You don't have the words to describe the emotions circulating through your brain, so you stick with what you know. "I love you." It's quiet, barely a whisper, but you know he can hear you. "Thank you for staying alive."

"You're welcome," he whispers back, his voice barely audible over the monitor. "I love you too."

***

You leave the hospital the next morning with a plan. He's still asleep when you wake up, so you get up carefully and thank the nurses one more time before heading out.

You make two stops on the way to his apartment, and this time, you use your spare key to unlock the front door. The crime scene crew cleaned the blood off the floor, and you told Rossi to get them to spackle the hole in the wall, for at least a temporary fix, but there's still an air about the place. It was just starting to feel like his home, and now it's soiled, once again.

You shut the door behind you and drop your bags to the ground, surveying the place one last time for any damage or mess you missed earlier. When everything seems fine, you get to work.

An hour later, you slump back against the wall and toss the packet of instructions to the ground. In front of you is a freshly installed security system, with a door proximity sensor and keypad for when he leaves the house in a hurry.

You can already hear the arguments coming, but you don't care anymore. You won't be able to sleep knowing he's in here, all alone, without anything to keep Foyet from coming back and finishing the job.

For someone who has as little of a technical background as you do, you're impressed with how quickly you were able to get the system running, and you test it a couple of times, turning it on and off and checking the doors, before you finally pull his door closed and lock it behind you.

***

The doctors don't release him until the end of the week, but once he's able to walk again, he calls you to get him from the hospital. By the time he signs his discharge papers and makes the phone call, you're already almost there, and as much as he hates putting you out on a weekend, he can't help the satisfaction that rumbles through him.

The drive to his apartment is mostly silent, with him just trying to stay still as you take the turns carefully, and drive five under the speed limit. When you arrive, you hold the bag of salves and ointments for him as you take his arm, helping him down the hall and to his front door.

He moves to grab his key, but you stop him with a forceful "Wait!"

"I can unlock my own door," he grumbles, but you just shake your head, taking the key from him and turning it slowly in the lock. The moment it swings open, a loud beeping fills the air, and you rush forward to type something into the keypad by his door. Wait...keypad? "When did tha-"

"Before you argue," you jump in, clearly anticipating his disgruntlement, "it's for me, okay."

He raises an eyebrow and you glare at him, but there's no effort behind it. "I mean, it's obviously for you, but still...it's for my peace of mind too."

You're rambling makes him crack a smile for the first time in days, and he nods slowly. "Okay."

Your mouth snaps shut and you look at him with a meek smile. "Okay."

You help him get settled on the couch, and he waits there as you scrounge up some food from the kitchen. He's not sure he has anything perishable, but you manage to put together a comforting bowl of pasta with jarred tomato sauce that makes him feel a little more at home.

As the evening turns to night, he catches himself glancing at his watch more often than not, and eventually you catch on too.

"Is it time?" you ask, your voice gentle.

After a breath, he nods, and you reach across the coffee table to grab his bag of supplies from the doctor. You lay the salve and extra gauze on the table, and wait for him to make the next move, a decision he accepts gratefully.

He's been injured before. He knows how painful it is to sanitize a wound, and especially one as deep and grotesque as his. He just needs a few moments to accept the fact that he's...scared.

"I can do it," he says once he's ready, before reaching for the salve. The simple motion makes him wince and you jump in right away, grabbing it for him and undoing the top.

"Let me," you whisper, your words somewhere between a statement and a question. "Please."

He can already feel his stitches pulling, just from the simple act of swiveling his body to face you, so he gives in with a quick nod.

He doesn't look at you as he undoes the buttons of his shirt. He's not embarrassed - you've never pitied him, even at his lowest moments - but he needs the semblance of privacy as he exposes his injuries to the open air.

The air feels cold as he pulls his undershirt over his head, and you get to work immediately, peeling back the old layer of gauze as slowly as you can. The sections directly over his wounds stick slightly, and he grits his teeth against the pain as you gently tug them free, making sure to avoid pulling his stitches.

"Do you want a break?" you ask once the gauze has been fully removed. He shakes his head, needing this to be over as soon as possible, but when he meets your eyes, he sees them welling up with tears.

He glances down at his bare torso, his eyes darting over the jagged scars ranging from his stomach to his collarbone. Your breath stutters as you take it in with him, and he looks at you. "He made sure we'd match."

He sees you rapidly blinking away the tears that rush forward, and he wants to comfort you somehow, but he doesn't know what to do. You help him lean back on the armrest, so you can apply the salve around each of his injuries, and as your fingers press into his skin, he can't help but be reminded of his childhood. The pressure of your hands as you wrapped him with bandages, the warmth of your breath when you leaned in to inspect your work.

It's usually a sad memory when he thinks back to his childhood, but with you, it was always good. He watches as you slowly tape the new layer of gauze around his abdomen, and even as tears slide down your cheeks, the way you look at him doesn't change.

"All done," you whisper after pressing on the final pieces of tape. "How do you feel?"

Anxious. Terrified. Lonely. Guilty. "Good. Thank you."

***

"Hey, it's Emily."

"What's up, Em?" you say, your phone pressed between your ear and shoulder as you hop around, trying to get your shoes on before work.

"How was your weekend?"

You pause. "Fine?" The question isn't out of the ordinary, you're just not sure why she called to ask you that when she's going to be seeing you in person in about twenty minutes. "How was yours?"

"Oh, you know." She sounds distracted, and you feel a smile pull at your lips as you realize she's avoiding something.

"Em...is there a reason you called? You know, given that we're both on our way to the same place."

She clears her throat, and you hear the indecision in her voice, even over the phone. "I know this is kind of a weird question, but would you mind if I picked up Hotch for work this morning. I left late last night, so JJ was able to brief me early, and I figured he could use a headstart."

You stop your movements, straightening up and lifting your hand to your cell. It's not at all what you were expecting her to say, but that's not all you're confused about. "Yeah, of course. You don't have to ask me first, though. We're all teammates."

She makes an little noise that you don't recognize. "Yeah...but you two are different."

You don't know what to say to that, so you just wait for her to keep going. Emily was never very good at uncomfortable silences, so after a few moments, she's back. "Anyway...I'll grab Hotch and see you in 30?"

You try to hide your grin, even though no one can see you. "Sounds like it."

"Bye."

The phone clicks off, and you tuck it back into your pocket, still smiling. You're already in a better mood than normal, because after 34 days of medical leave, Aaron comes back to work today.

You finish clasping your shoe and head out the door, more relaxed this time. With Emily picking up Aaron, you're not in a rush anymore. You take the drive at a leisurely pace, and when you arrive at the office, you run into Spencer by the front of the building.

"Wait up!" you call out, jogging over to him before he gets in the elevator. "Let me get that." You slide the strap of his book bag off his shoulder and sling it onto yours. He nods in thanks and tucks his crutch under his arm as he presses the button for your floor.

"I thought I'd be used to the crutches by now, but I keep tripping over everything." You scrunch your brow with amusement as he frowns down at his leg. "The doctors say it's healing well, though."

The elevator doors open and you step in front of him to get the door across the hall. "Does it hurt?"

He shrugs. "It really only hurts when I think about it, which is pretty much all the time."

The statement isn't exactly comical, but his deadpan tone makes you snort as you hold the door, and he smiles as he passes by you. You follow him to Garcia's lair, and she perks up upon seeing the both of you.

"My babies," she grins, pulling out a chair for Spencer. "Sit, sit."

You let out a laugh as you place his bag on the floor next to him. "I'm older than you."

"Who's counting?" she throws back, typing something furiously into her computer. She turns around a moment later, just in time to swat Spencer's hand away from the tin of cookies sitting on her table. "No, no, no."

"What?" he complains, gaping at her.

She swats him again, before pulling the tin away from him. "Get away, you. These are for Hotch."

"Butterscotch?" you ask, glancing down at the box. His preference for butterscotch cookies was something you used to tease him about when you were kids. Butterscotch Hotch.

Penelope nods and lifts the edge of the lid, implicitly offering you a cookie. When you take one, Spencer throws his hands up into the air. "Why does she get one? I get shot in the leg and I still don't get any cookies."

You laugh and break off half of your cookie, which he takes from you the moment it's in your palm. He stuffs the entire thing into his mouth, not bothering to swallow it before he pipes up again. "You know he's gonna hate the attention."

"It's cookies," Garcia pouts, "not cake."

Spencer shrugs. "He's probably gonna pretend like nothing happened, anyway."

"Well, it doesn't mean we have to."

You don't know how to weigh in to this discussion, mostly because you know more about how he's feeling than they do, but also because the idea of speculating on his recovery without him here feels like a betrayal.

"What do you think?"

You look up and realize that Spencer was directing this question to you. Swallowing down the last bit of your cookie, you cough once to clear your throat. "I think he's been through a lot, but sometimes coming back to work is the best way to take your mind off of things. Foyet was in his home. I don't think staring at the same walls that used to have bullet holes in them is exactly healthy either."

Spencer and Penelope both stare at you for a moment, before nodding and looking down. They remind you of two children who have just been reprimanded, and you smile to soften the sentiment. "I love you guys for caring about this, but we just have to trust that he's okay."

"Yeah," Penelope nods, reaching forward to squeeze your hand. "Are you okay? This can't have been easy for you, either."

"I'm fine," you say too quickly. "Nothing happened to me." It's not a lie, exactly. You weren't the one who was stabbed. Nine times. "I've just been keeping him company after work, and helping with some of his post-hospital care checklist."

"He's lucky to have you," Penelope says softly, to which Spencer nods.

"He was great too after I got shot," you add, feeling oddly defensive of your friendship. "He stayed with me for a long time when my dad was gone."

She smiles at you sadly, before holding the tin out for you. "Want another cookie?"

You let out a weak laugh as Spencer chuffs behind you, and you shake your head. "No thanks."

"Do you think he'll like them?" Her voice sounds earnest, and you nod, knowing what it's like to want so desperately to understand someone who's as closed off as he seems at times.

"Spence, Y/N, there you guys are."

You turn around to see JJ, her face lined with tension. "Are you ready for us?"

She nods. "Grab your go bag."

***

He's been erratic all day. When he snapped at Garcia earlier for missing the antipsychotics link, you wanted to throttle him, especially when you remembered the cookies she had waiting for him in her office.

The thought that maybe Spencer was right keeps flashing through your mind as you watch him get frustrated with everyone, including himself. When you all arrive at the Darrin Call's father's house, where he and a young boy he kidnapped are waiting, Aaron instructs Emily to speak with the lieutenant on scene to figure out what you're dealing with.

"The kid's in there," you hear him say, "We've got this. Tactical teams are covering the exits. Call needs a distraction. He's focused on the old man."

Emily glances back at the house as she ties her hair back. "For now. But we're gonna have to figure out the safest way to get that kid out."

"I've got a team in the back and one on the way. We're going to infiltrate."

"You do that and someone else dies."

The man just shrugs. "Either Call or a child murderer...flip a coin."

"It doesn't have to end like that." You can see how hard she's trying to make the lieutenant understand, but sometimes the locals just don't listen. "We get a confession out of Jarvis and he goes away, and Call gets his answers. No one else has to die."

There's movement behind you and you turn around at the last second as Aaron stalks past you and towards the house.

"Hotch," you call out, but he doesn't look back. "Aaron. Aaron!"

He's almost at the front door, and your feet start moving without you realizing it. You make it within a few feet of the front gate before two pairs of arms seize you from behind, halting your momentum.

"Let him go," Dave whispers as he and Derek release you. "We have to trust him."

"He's not thinking straight," you grit out, unable to tear your eyes away from the closed door as you step forward again. He wasn't wearing his vest, and you can't remember if you saw his gun in his holster. You close your eyes, wracking your brain. Think, goddamnit.

Derek grabs you again as you try to make a break for it, anticipating your movements before you even know what you're doing. "Rossi's right. We have to trust him. We can't help him if we rush inside now."

"We can't help him out here either!" Your voice sounds frenzied in your ears, but he doesn't loosen his grip, even as you try to shove him off of you.

"You know we're right." He looks at you sternly, and your resolve diminishes as reason starts to set in. "Going inside will only make it worse."

Emily comes up from behind you and takes your arm, leading you back to the street in front of the house. You back up, but you don't turn around, ready to rush in the moment anything changes.

"What's he doing?" she asks Derek, her voice quiet, like she doesn't want you to hear.

"Stalling," he says simply. "He's got nothing to lose."

Your breath catches and you lift your hand to your chest, clutching the top of your vest like it's a lifeline. You want to scream at them, scream that he has everything to lose. He has a son, and an ex-wife who loves him, and he has you.

"You got the shot?"

"Negative."

He suddenly appears in the front of the door, but you can tell he's angling his body to block the visual of the shot. What is he doing?

The door opens for a split second, and the little boy runs down the porch and into the arms of one of the SWAT members. It shuts as fast as it opened up, and you only manage to see his face for a moment before he disappears into the house again.

For a minute, there's only silence, until the air is pierced with the sound of three gunshots, one after the other. Your body visibly flinches and you throw yourself forward and over the gate, pulling out your gun at the last moment as you breach the front door.

When you storm into the living room, Aaron is putting cuffs on Darrin. The father is dead in his recliner at the center of the room.

"What happened?" Dave asks from behind you.

He purses his lips. "I couldn't stop him." It's then that he finally looks up at you, but all you can do is glare. You don't know if you've ever been angrier in your life, and definitely not at him.

His brow dips with a mix of confusion and remorse, but you just stuff your gun back in its holster, spin around, and stalk out of the house. The fresh air outside feels like a welcome respite from the emotions swirling around inside of you, and you turn your face to the sky as your brain fires off millions of questions at once.

When did he get so reckless?

Is this all because of Foyet? The need to feel like he's getting something done, with his family on lockdown?

He comes out of the house then, and you're practically shaking from the relief that he is okay, but the anger isn't fading. You can feel it flooding your veins with each breath you take.

He hands Call off and approaches you slowly, stopping in front of you with a look you don't recognize.

"This is the job," he says simply, his voice almost cold. "You know what you signed up for."

"I know what I signed up for?" Your face twists with disbelief and you look at him with contempt. "Fuck you, Hotch." His face drops slightly and it only feeds your fight. You know him better than anyone else in this world, and that also means you know exactly how far you can push him until he cracks.

"This is what we do." His voice is tight, and you see your anger reflected in his eyes. "You knew that when you joined the team."

Emily and Dave exit the house, and you can feel their eyes flickering over to you, but you can't bring yourself to care right now.

"No," you grit out, shaking your head. "You don't get to be angry with me. You don't get to say that to me."

He looks at you for a beat before his face falls and you see all the fight leave him. He sighs, his brow pinching. "You're right."

You can practically see the war going on inside his head. The battle between fear and action, where there are no winners.

You nod as you look down at the ground, and he reaches forward to take your hand. He squeezes it tightly, before lifting it to his chest. "Y/N." I love you, I'm sorry.

You nod. "I know." I'm sorry too.

***

You've been looking at the text JJ sent you for the better part of an hour. Something's going on. Strauss was in Hotch's office and it looked bad.

You're reminded of his suspension and the two long weeks you worked here without him, and you internally resolve that it won't be happening again if you have any say at all.

The next morning, you're one of the last people to arrive, and you walk into a conversation that Spencer is having with Emily at his desk.

"You're not gonna believe this," he says, turning to you and lifting his hands dramatically. "Some moron just posted a blog called 'What would Carl Sagan do?' and it's completely illogical."

"L/N, what did I miss?"

You spin around to see Derek strutting into the bullpen, his phone held up in his hand.

"What do you mean?" you ask with a frown.

He looks at you expectantly, and you start to feel like you're on the outside of something you should know. "All the emails from Hotch..."

You yank your phone from your pocket and refresh your email. "I don't have any new ones."

"Me neither," Reid chimes in from next to you.

Derek doesn't wait another moment before he's barreling past you and up the stairs to Aaron's office.

"What was that about?" Spencer asks, a confused look on his face.

"I don't know," you say honestly, "but I think we're gonna find out soon."

~

"You wanted to see me?"

He nods and you step into his office, shutting the door behind you. Ever since his private conversation with Derek this morning, you've been obnoxiously curious about what's been going on with the team, but you also know when not to overstep your boundaries.

"Take a seat." He beckons to the couch on the far wall, and he sits down across from you when you plop down. "We have to talk about something."

"If you say Strauss suspended you again-" He cuts you off with a lift of his hand. You look at him sheepishly and nod. "You were saying..."

"This is going to sound odd, but just hear me out." You're starting to get worried, but he doesn't look anxious, so that's a start. You nod, and he continues. "The bureau thinks that my ability to lead this team has been compromised. They've been questioning me since Foyet's attack, and they're not entirely wrong."

You want to refute this, but you've also been questioning some of his actions as of late. Nevertheless, that doesn't mean that you won't have his back if it comes down to it. "They can't fire you. The whole team will fight back if they even try."

He looks at you with something that resembles concern. Concern? "They won't fire me...because I'm stepping down."

"What?" you burst out, unable to help your volume. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm resigning as unit chief at the end of the week, but I'm not leaving this team."

You think you have an idea of where this is going, but his eyes are still tracking your movements, like they do when he's worried about how you'll react. You don't know how it could get much worse than this, but then you realize he hasn't told you who will be replacing him.

"I told Morgan to take my place until we catch Foyet."

There it is. You don't expect it to sting as much as it does. "Oh."

Your voice sounds small to your own ears, and you clear your throat to keep the emotion out. This isn't a personal decision, it's professional. If Strauss was telling you this now, it probably wouldn't faze you. So why does it hurt coming from him?

"Strauss wasn't happy with your decision to not take the New York position," he explains, his eyes finding yours. "You know I think you deserve more leadership roles. It was her that suggested Morgan for it, and I couldn't argue when she was already so unsure about letting me promote internally."

"I get it," you nod. Your tone a bit sharper than expected, even though you understand where the decision came from. Derek deserves this position too. "I do, I promise."

He raises his eyebrows with a check in, and after a moment, you finally nod. It's okay. We're good.

"I'll see you in the morning?"

You dip your chin. "Good night."

***

"I can't believe Hotch is stepping down."

Penelope, Emily, Spencer, and JJ are all unabashedly watching Derek as he briefs Strauss on the case he chose for today. You've been trying not to look, but every few minutes, something snags your attention.

"Morgan said it's business as usual," Emily adds, her brow furrowed as she watches them converse.

Penelope doesn't seem eased. "So we're just supposed to move forward without any discussion?"

Spencer shrugs. "After Foyet, I think we'd have to be ready for anything."

Derek finishes speaking with Strauss then, and you stand up as he asks Emily to call Rossi for the briefing. He looks official with his ironed button-down, and you can't help but wonder if he's trying to emulate Aaron.

You flash him a cheeky smile as he walks towards the conference room, but he just brushes past you. 

~

Derek steps into his new role effectively, and you even notice him provide extra feedback to everyone throughout the case. Hotch has a bit of a difficult time stepping down at first, but you know it comes from habit, not distrust.

When you're back at the office later that night, you look up to see that he is still in his office, furiously jotting something down, even though his responsibilities have been greatly diminished. You don't know why you expected the demotion to make him want to cut back a bit.

Derek is the only person still in the bullpen when you take a seat again. You finished up the last of your paperwork, so you start to pack up your stuff, but then your interaction from earlier crosses your mind again.

Latching your bag closed, you stand up and perch on the edge of Derek's desk. "Hey, boss, how's the responsibility feel?"

"Fine," he mutters, his tone snippier than you've ever heard it.

"A lot more paperwork than you were expecting, huh?"

He doesn't look at you, so you reach forward to tap the back of his hand. "Derek, come on, what's going on with you?"

You brace for him to snap at you again, but then he just sighs, setting his pen down. "You're not angry with me, right?"

"What?" You don't know where this is coming from, seeing as how he's been the one who's been avoiding you all day. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"Why?" he repeats, his face twisted with disbelief. "I basically stole this position out from under you."

You shake your head forcefully, putting your hand over his on the desk. "Not even close, hon. Anything on my end was bureau politics, but that's just one side of it. You deserve this just as much as I would have. You've even been at the BAU longer than I have."

He's silent for a moment, before he turns his hand under yours and clasps it gently. You give his hand a squeeze before bringing your other one up to his cheek. "You're doing a great job. You were an amazing leader out there today. Hotch picked you well."

Derek leans into your hand for a beat, before letting out another sigh. "Thanks."

"Seriously, Derek," you say with a smile. "This might have been one of his best professional decisions yet."

That makes him laugh, before shaking his head. "Nah, his best decision was bringing you to this team."

Your chest fills with warmth and you lean forward to pull him into a hug. His arms are strong as they wrap around you, and you settle into the hug, turning away from the office light upstairs and trying to ignore the fact that Aaron hasn't looked up from his desk since you started talking.

***

"Agent Hotchner, before you go, there's one final thing I'd like to share with you."

Karl Arnold, the Fox, has been taunting each of you throughout the whole day, and right when you finally thought you were done, he drew you right back in. You follow Hotch and Prentiss back into the interrogation room.

"So you think you found my admirer."

"No," Aaron says simply. "We found the killer."

Arnold grins. "With my help, of course."

"Your admirer is exactly like everyone who contacts you..." Emily sneers, "lost."

Arnold turns to her, and the look in his eyes makes your skin crawl. "My love, your guy is far from lost."

Hotch shakes his head, turning to the door. "We're done."

"So is he." All three of you spin back around, much to his amusement. "'Look at what I have done.' It's quite brilliant, you know?"

"We will find whoever sent you that."

"No, Agent Hotchner, I rather think he's already found you."

Aaron immediately starts flipping through the file on the table, shoving pictures and papers aside as he searches for something. Something about Arnold's tone sends your mind reeling and you grab the journal in front of you and start flipping through it as well.

"What's going on?" Emily asks, coming up behind you.

Arnold just laughs. "He's torturing him."

"Who?"

He ignores her. "It's great to see you squirm, Agent Hotchner."

You reach one of the bookmarked pages, and the symbol that greets you almost makes you drop the journal. "Aaron..."

His eyes snap to your hands as his skin turns white. "Foyet."

The three of you rush out of the interrogation room, accompanied by the disturbing sound of Arnold's laughter echoing behind you.

Just before the door shuts behind you, you hear his final words. "He knew you'd come."

***

The whole team spends days with only one goal in mind: find and capture Foyet. JJ works with you and Garcia to track prescription medications that he would be on given his self-inflicted injuries, and Spencer, Emily, and Aaron put together a geographic profile using the letters from the Fox and the proximity of nearby pharmacies. Derek's role as acting unit chief keeps him busy all on its own, but he manages to keep the team on track as he turns any new cases that come in to other teams.

When JJ returns from a local pharmacy with the discovery that many prescription meds have over-the-counter alternatives, the focus shifts. Garcia narrows down the list, and brings back a list of names that is way too long to feasibly question.

"153 names," you huff, leaning over her shoulder as she scrolls down the list.

Emily frowns. "Well, he's not gonna use his own name."

"What kind of aliases should we be looking for?"

You all consider this, before Derek chimes in. "He could have easily stolen someone's identity."

Hotch shuts that idea down immediately. "No, he's a narcissist in love with his own mythology. He'd use a name connected with the case."

"A victim, maybe," you guess, "or a cop?"

Garcia doesn't find anything on the initial search, but thankfully Spencer suggests another approach. "Guys, Foyet likes things to have meaning to him. The eye of providence, the addresses in blood he wrote on the bus that led us back to him. Maybe he's doing the same thing with the alias."

Emily frowns. "Like an anagram or something?"

Spencer walks over to the white board and writes out George Foyet, before fiddling around with the spellings of possible anagrams. You walk up behind him and follow his movements along the board. "You see something, Spence?"

He shakes his head. "Not yet."

"Spencer," you interrupt as the realization comes to you, "he named himself The Reaper."

He pauses for a beat, before switching over to scrawling out possible anagrams for The Reaper instead. After a moment, he's done. "Peter Rhea."

Penelope is already searching. "There's a Peter Rhea in Arlington."

Rossi nods, a satisfied look on his face. "We found him."

***

Garcia sends out the address of an apartment in his name, and you drive over with Hotch, who doesn't say a word the whole way over. You keep glancing at him, trying to be discreet, but the tension in his posture doesn't fade, even after the breakthrough.

The apartment ends up being empty, but when you all go inside, there's a laptop sitting on the center table. Emily dials Garcia the moment you realize that the files on it are being remotely deleted, and when she hacks in, she comes across a series of surveillance photos that make you gasp out loud. "Oh my god, isn't that-"

"That's the US Marshall protecting my family." His face looks frozen with stress as he dials Marshall Kassmeyer's number. When the call goes to voicemail, Aaron stalks out of the apartment and to the SUVs parked out front. He doesn't wait for you to get in, before he's already driving off.

"Where is he going?" Emily calls out as she exits the building behind you.

"Kassmeyer's house," you say, almost certain that you're correct. With the knowledge that his family is most likely in immediate danger, there is nothing anyone could do to stop him from trying to save them. "I'm gonna follow him."

"Here," Rossi says, tossing his car keys to you. You accept them gratefully and speed off down the road.

~

Kassmeyer is bleeding out when you get to his house. Aaron is already inside, trying to get him to explain what happened, and when he describes how Foyet taunted him and stabbed him, you resist the urge to take Aaron's hand.

"Sam," he says suddenly, leaning over him. "I need to understand. Does he know where Jack and Haley are?"

Your heart rate skyrockets as Kassmeyer mumbles another apology. If Foyet knows where they are, you don't know if any of you will be able to get there in time.

The paramedics rush in then, and they carry Sam out to the awaiting ambulance as he refuses sedation. Aaron runs out after them and throws himself into the back of the ambulance before you can catch up.

~

Without any new leads, there's nowhere for you to go, so you wait out front in your SUV as you wrack your brain for where Foyet would have told Haley and Jack to go. You don't know how long it takes until another agent calls you from the hospital with the news that Marshall Kassmeyer died in surgery.

The news hits you like a ton of bricks. One more body you can attribute to The Reaper. "Is Agent Hotchner there?"

The voice is tinny over the line. "He took one of the SUVs and left a few minutes ago."

"Where?" You can hear how frantic your voice sounds, but you don't care. "Where did he go?"

"I'm not sure," the agent says. "He sped away before anyone could ask."

You hang up the phone and turn the car on, before pulling onto the street and calling the team line. Garcia picks up on the first ring.

"Sam died in surgery," you explain as you turn at the end of the street. "Hotch is already gone, but I'm gonna go to the hospital now in case someone has more info."

"Okay, honey," she says, patching in the rest of the team. When they answer, she repeats your statement, before she gets cut off. "Guys, Hotch is calling Foyet."

"Patch us in," Derek instructs over the line, before going silent. You mute yourself as well, before turning back to the road.

"Agent Hotchner."

Foyet's voice makes you nauseous, and you can practically hear the grin behind his words.

"If you touch her..." Aaron doesn't even finish the threat, but you can feel the rage within it.

"Be gentle, like I was with you?"

Your eyes prick with tears as you remember the scars that are now a permanent fixture on his body. The matching scars. The idea of Haley ending up the same way, or Jack-

"What the hell took you so long?" Foyet complains, his tone playful. "I was beginning to think this phone was dead or something."

Aaron doesn't answer him, and the anger is almost palpable over the line.

"Why so quiet? You usually lash out when you're frustrated."

"I'm not frustrated," he finally responds. "You're more predictable than you think."

"Am I?"

He starts to recount the tale of Foyet's life, weaving in details that you didn't know from his childhood and the pain he was causing before he was even old enough to drive. You suppose this was what all of those late nights at the office were for. You hope they were worth it.

"That's the thing, George," he continues, his voice suddenly softer. It's like he's pleading with him. "This isn't a fairy tale. You don't have to write this story. Haven't you gotten what you wanted?"

There's silence for a few moments, and you can hear your heartbeat in your skull. Eventually Foyet comes back. "You know what I've been thinking? Haley looks pretty good with dark hair."

Your heart falls into your stomach. He has her. He already has her.

"She's lost some weight. Must be all the stress you caused her."

Just when you think that might be the worst of it, he continues. "Where's the little man? Oh. There he is. Does he like Captain America because of you?"

He has them both. You can barely see the road through the anger and fear that is coursing through your veins. Another phone rings and Foyet answers it, leaving his line with Hotch on as well. "Mrs. Hotchner. I'm here. Open the gate and I'll drive in."

You can't hear her reply, before Foyet returns to the call you're listening to. "Aaron? I really gotta go."

The call disconnects, and you can't breathe. Open the gate. The gate. What gate?

Think, think, goddamnit think.

The answer hits you like a truck. "His house. They're at his old house."

Emily whispers something that sounds like "shit" and you swerve across the lanes to make a u-turn. "I'm heading there now."

Assuming Aaron was already heading back after leaving the hospital, he would reach the house before any of you. You can only hope he'll be there in time.

Your knuckles have turned white from how hard you're gripping the steering wheel, and when Garcia patches you all in for another call from Foyet, the tears are already flowing down your cheeks.

"Aaron?"

It's Haley's voice. You gasp out loud from the relief that she's still alive.

"You're okay?" She sounds so scared, but at least she's alive. That's all you can focus on right now.

Aaron answers with a defeated sigh. "I'm fine."

"But...he said that..." The realization hits her, and she lets out a small sob. "Oh, Aaron."

"He can hear us, right?"

"Yes."

His voice is softer then, wet with tears. "I am so sorry. Haley, show him no weakness, no fear."

"I know." Of course she does. She was married to a profiler for years. She knows what all of this means, but she doesn't deserve any of it. "Sam told me all about him. Is he, uh..."

"No," he says gently. "Sam is fine."

Foyet's voice is like the hiss of a snake as it joins the call. "Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Is that why your marriage broke up, because you're a liar?" His voice is too close to the phone. You want to scream for him to get away from her, but you're not supposed to be listening, and your car isn't moving fast enough.

"He's trying to scare you, Haley." His voice is trembling, and you can hear the tightness behind each of his words.

When Foyet mentions the deal, your stomach roils with nausea. You can picture the exact look on Aaron's face as he blames himself for this entire situation, even though it's happening to him, not because of him.

"Don't react."

Haley's voice is shaking too as she whispers, "What is he talking about?"

"Tell Jack I need him working the case."

"What?" She sounds confused, and that's when you remember the signal he told you about. The words that only Jack knows that are meant to keep him safe from situations exactly like this.

"Tell Jack I need him working the case," he repeats, his voice steadier. But all of it goes away the moment Haley hands her son the phone.

"Hi, Daddy."

"Hi, buddy." His voice cracks and you feel your heart crack with it. The tears are rushing down your cheeks now, and you wipe them out of your eyes with the back of your hand as you get closer to the house. But not close enough.

Aaron tells him to work the case again, and he gives Haley a hug before rushing out of the room.

"He's so cute. He's like a little junior G-Man." Foyet chuckles, before yelling out. "I'll be right up, Jackie boy!"

Aaron ignores him, and you feel his focus return. "Is he gone?"

"Yes." Haley's voice is strong, and you release a single sigh of relief as you press the gas pedal down as hard as you can.

Aaron's voice returns and you can hear the anguish as he speaks. "You're so strong, Haley. You're stronger than I ever was."

"You'll hurry, right?" The fear in her voice breaks your heart, and you want to assure her that you're all doing everything you can, but you're still a few streets away.

"I know you didn't sign on for this."

Neither did you.

She echoes your thoughts. "Neither did you."

His voice breaks into a sob. "I'm sorry for everything."

"Promise me that you will tell him how we met and how you used to make me laugh."

"Haley..."

"He needs to know that you weren't always so serious, Aaron." Her words sound so final, and you can't imagine what Foyet is pointing at her right now, but you can only hope that Aaron gets there before it's too late. "I want him to believe in love, because it is the most important thing. But you need to show him." She sounds almost resolute, and your body floods with hope for a split second. "Promise me."

His breathing is ragged as he whispers, "I promise."

Three gunshots ring out and the wheel jerks in your hand as a painful sob wrenches from your throat. No, no, no.

~

You race out of your car the moment you pull to a stop in front of the house. There's only one other SUV outside, and you don't give yourself a moment to think as you rush inside, lifting your gun at the last second.

The front foyer is empty, but then a jagged thumping fills the air and you dart around the corner to find Aaron beating Foyet to a pulp. You can tell from where you're standing that he's already dead, but that doesn't seem to matter to him.

"Aaron!" you yell, hoping to break his reverie. His hands are covered in blood as he pounds the man's face in, and he doesn't look up until you grab him from behind and yank his arms back. "Aaron, he's dead. He's dead."

He stops moving, and for one single second, everything is still. Then his body pitches forward and he breaks down as he sobs, his hands coming up like he's begging for the pain to go away.

You clutch him as tightly as you can, like if you hold him close enough, he won't fall apart. You can hear the voices of your teammates as they enter the house, but then his head lifts and he pulls himself up, dashing down the hall. You follow after him, rushing past Morgan and Rossi, and you realize where he's going in real time as he runs into his office and kneels down beside his desk.

Please, please, not him. Just not him. He opens the cabinet and you all share a gasp of relief as Jack's little face peeks out, his skin unmarred.

"I worked the case, Daddy. Just like you said."

Aaron reaches in and picks him up, before squeezing him tightly, his little face glancing around the room in confusion.

"You did a great job, buddy." He releases him after a few moments, before handing him off to JJ to go outside and away from the carnage littering the house. You press a kiss to his forehead before she lifts him up and walks out of the room.

Emily looks at you then, concern flashing in her eyes, but you just nod, and she follows JJ, pulling the door closed behind her.

You turn back around just in time to catch Aaron as he collapses to the floor. The weight sends you both to your knees, and he crushes you to him as you hold him as tightly as you can. His sobs mix in with your own, and you try not to let your body shake from the force of your crying, because you need to be strong for him.

He buries his face into your neck, his tears mixing with the blood on his face as it soaks your shirt and vest.

"I'm so sorry," you whisper into his hair. It doesn't feel like enough, but there's nothing else to say. "I'm so sorry."

~

Derek and Emily come back with the paramedics eventually to take him outside to check for injuries, and you're about to follow after them when something catches your eye. A pair of feet invade your periphery as you glance through a doorway down the hall. Oh god.

Your knees buckle and Derek catches you before you stumble forward into her room. You fall to your knees beside her, and you vaguely hear Emily whisper something behind you before there's just silence.

Her eyes are already closed, and if you really wanted to, you could try to pretend that she was just sleeping, but there's too much blood. You reach out to push her short hair back from her forehead, so that you can see her face one last time. One last time.

A sob rips out of you and you take her hand, pressing it to your lips. The scene is suddenly too much, and you close your eyes before letting out a shaky breath. You don't know what your life is going to look like without her presence. What Aaron's life with look like, or Jack's.

You squeeze her hand again before laying it on her stomach, and Emily comes forward then to help you up. Derek holds the door open as she leads you outside, and helps you tear your vest off the moment you hit the fresh afternoon air.

You bend over, hands on your knees, gulping back fresh air and trying not to throw up. Emily pats your back as you take in deep breaths, rubbing comforting circles that help to calm down your heart rate.

When you look up, you spot Aaron sitting on the edge of an ambulance. The medics are cleaning his cuts, and one of them is holding an ice pack to his head, when you walk over to survey the damage.

He doesn't look up when you approach, instead staring at his bloody hands with a look you can't discern. You can't imagine what he must be thinking right now, but if you know him at all, you know that sometimes you don't need to talk.

You reach down and take his hands, holding them in yours with a tight grip that forces him to look at you. Neither of you says anything, but it's okay, because there is nothing left to say. There will be soon, but not right now.

***

"We'll be back in a couple of hours," Jess tells you as she slings her purse over her shoulder.

You nod at her as you pick Jack off the ground and swing him up into your arms. "Take your time. We'll be hanging out here."

Aaron beckons for Jess to walk out in front of him before he dips his chin at you. "Thank you again."

"Of course," you smile, shaking your head. They're going to make the last arrangements for the funeral, and the absolute least you can do is watch Jack while they're away.

"Can we watch cartoons?" Jack asks the moment the front door shuts behind them.

"Soon, baby," you laugh lightly, before placing him on the ground and leading him to the kitchen. "We gotta make lunch first."

You throw together two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and bring them to the breakfast table, where Jack is obediently scribbling away at his coloring book. "Here you go, Jack-o-lantern."

He takes a massive bite before you can sit down, but over the next ten minutes, he only manages to finish about half of the sandwich. "I'm done."

"You sure?" you ask, scrunching your face into a playful frown. "I think you got at least a couple more bites in you."

He shakes his head forcefully, before dropping the sandwich onto his plate. You know he doesn't usually eat much, but he hasn't eaten since breakfast hours ago. "Come on, hon, at least another big bite."

"No!" he yells, pushing the plate away from him. Before you can stop him, he jumps off of his chair and races out of the kitchen, towards his bedroom.

You hear the door slam shut behind him, and you heave out a sigh before clearing away both of your plates and wiping down the counter. You don't fault him for anything, you just can't believe he has to go through something like this.

He's so young. Younger than you were when you lost your mom. There's some comfort in the fact that he likely won't remember this pain when he's older, but then comes the nausea. The sickening reminder that one day he'll forget about her. Haley, his mother, your best friend's wife, your friend.

You slowly make your way to his room, knocking on the door twice before calling out his name. When he doesn't answer, you twist the knob and gently open the door. "Jack?"

He doesn't say anything as you cross the room and sit on the floor in front of him. He's fiddling around with a set of colorful wooden blocks, and he only looks at you once you pick one up yourself. The edges have been worn smooth from being tossed around, and you run your fingers against them as you wait for him to speak.

"Did Mommy want to leave?"

You can practically hear your heart crack in two as the block falls from your hand. Tears spring to your eyes, but you blink them back, not wanting to scare him.

"No, baby, no," you say quickly, reaching forward to rub your thumb over his cheek. "She loved you more than anything in this world."

He still doesn't look convinced, so you rest your palms on his cheeks, trying to get him to look at you. "If it was her choice, she would have never left you."

After a moment, his lips jut out into a pout, but he nods once. "Is Daddy gonna leave too?"

The tears rush forward again. You want to tell him that Aaron would never leave him, that he may be gone most nights until after Jack is asleep, and sometimes even before he's up for breakfast, but he would never leave. But you also know that Haley didn't want to either, but sometimes the job takes more than you're willing to give. "He's not going to leave you. Not if he can help it."

That seems to calm him down for the time being, so you take his hand and lead him back to the living room. Once he's situated on the couch, you switch on his cartoons for him, turning the volume down low.

He settles into the cushion next to you, his arm resting on your thigh as he focuses on the screen in front of him, while your eyes wander down to the small tv stand. They land on a framed photo of Haley and Jess together, smiling at the camera as the sun shines down on their faces, and you lift your hand to your mouth to stifle the tears that rush forward.

When your eyes pan over to the photo of you and her, with Aaron and Jess right behind you, the tears stream down your cheeks, and you wipe them away quickly, trying to be quiet so as not to call away Jack's attention. But the cartoons are too quiet, and when a small sob escapes, Jack looks up, his brow furrowing with a look reminiscent of his father. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, baby," you nod, forcing a smile onto your face as you look down at him and press a kiss to his temple. "I just loved your mom very much."

***

The ground is still wet from the rain. It squelches beneath your feet as Jess clutches onto your arm, letting you lead her across the cemetery for the service.

You walk behind the pallbearers as they bring Haley to the top of the open grass and set her down carefully with a reverence that brings tears to your eyes again. You don't know if your eyes have been dry at any moment today, but the tears haven't spilled over yet. It's only a matter of time.

Aaron is ahead of everyone, looking down at the small sheet of paper in his hands, with Jack by his side. The young boy looks so small in his suit, and his eyes dart around the procession with a mix of confusion and sadness that pierces your chest.

When Aaron is ready to begin, Jessica lets go and walks up to stand on his other side, tears streaming silently down her cheeks. Your arm feels cold where she used to be, but it doesn't last long as another hand takes its place. You turn your head to see Spencer, one hand on his cane, and the other on your arm, as he holds you tightly to his side, his eyes brimming with tears as well. You don't expect that there's a dry eye in the crowd.

Aaron starts his speech with a quote, but the steadiness in his voice starts to waver the moment he says her name. "Haley was my best friend since we were in high school."

You remember how fiercely he loved her, even back then. The tenacity with which he pursued her when he realized that she was someone he wanted to spend his life with.

His voice continues as his eyes dip down. "We certainly had our struggles, but if there's one thing we agreed on unconditionally, it was our love and commitment to our son Jack." Your tears surface again, but you suck them back with a deep breath. "Haley's love for Jack was joyous and fierce. That fierceness is why she isn't here today."

Aaron looks up then, and his eyes land on the casket in front of him. "A mother's love is an unrivaled force of nature. And we can all learn much from the way Haley lived her life."

His hand flexes at his side, and you wish desperately that you were up there with him, holding his hand like he held yours when your mother died.

"I will make sure that Jack grows up knowing who his mother was and how she loved and protected him and how much I loved her."

His voice breaks and he reaches into his pocket for the scrap of paper he was looking at earlier. "I met Haley at the tryouts of our high school's production of 'The Pirates of Penzance'. I found our copy of the play and was looking through it the other night, and I came upon a passage that seemed appropriate for this moment."

The quote comes back to you as he recites it, and your mind flashes back to those adolescent afternoons when you would watch him make a fool of himself trying to impress Haley at play practice. You can't help yourself as the tears finally fall, and you feel Spencer squeeze your hand tightly, acting as the lifeline you so earnestly need.

When he finishes his speech, everyone comes forward to place white roses on her casket before it is lowered into the ground. You wait as the crowd slowly dissipates, as everyone heads to the repast, and you hold Jess's hand while Aaron picks Jack up, holding him tightly.

"Blow Mommy a kiss," he whispers, before leaning over to let Jack place a rose on the casket.

His brow furrows as he straightens again, and you watch as the familiar stoicism returns to his posture. He isn't pushing all of his emotions down, exactly. He's just tucking them away, so as to be there for his son, who needs a solid figure in his life, now more than ever.

And that's what he'll be.

***

The repast is bustling with people from all eras of Haley's life, and you sit with the team at a large table, staring at your plate of food. When Dave pulls Aaron outside to talk, you watch them leave, noting the stiffness in his shoulders as he's forced to leave Jack with Jess again. She has been nothing but grateful to see her nephew more often than usual, but nonetheless, he wears his guilt like a jagged scar across his face.

Penelope clutches your hand under the table and you give her a weak nod, unable to do more with all of the energy drained from you.

"It was a beautiful service," Emily says, her eyes big and soft as they look at you.

You nod again, before turning back to your full plate. You can't bear the thought of stomaching any food right now.

Then just when you think the day can't get any worse, Derek and JJ's phones chirp with a message at the same time. No. No.

"They can't be calling us in," Emily sighs, her lips thinning, "not tonight."

JJ shakes her head. "I'm on it." She returns from her phone call a minute later with a forlorn look. "There's no other team available."

Derek gets up with a sigh. "I'll get Rossi."

When he returns with Dave, leaving Aaron alone on the deck, you squeeze Penelope's hand before walking outside. The air is cold, and you wrap your shawl tighter around your shoulders as you approach him.

"It's okay," he says before you can open your mouth. "I'll see you when you get back."

Mind reader, you think for a split second.

He has already given you the blessing you assumed you needed when you came out here, but it still doesn't feel right. "I don't want to go."

"It's your job," he shrugs. Like it's that simple. "It's okay."

"Are you sure?" You won't be able to do your job with him here, but even less so if you're feeling guilty the whole time. "I can take time off."

"No," he says quietly, shaking his head. He looks out into the night air, and you take his hand, squeezing it between both of yours. "It'll be good for me to have some time with Jack."

You can understand that. You pull him into a hug, before dipping your chin into a nod and leaving him out there again.

***

His return to work hasn't been easy. When Strauss gave him the option to retire with full pension and benefits, it should have been an easy decision, but something was tugging at his gut, telling him that would be the wrong choice.

Now he's sitting in his office, and all of his recent life choices are swirling around him like a hurricane ready to close in. He misses Jack like he's missing a limb, and he feels terrible for how often he's been relying on Jess to take care of him, even though she readily offered her help.

His emotions are a tumbling mess, and he doesn't notice that his fingers have been tapping the edge of his desk until you enter his office.

"Coffee?" He looks up with a nod, accepting the steaming cup you hand him, before you flop down on the couch across from him. "What are you thinking about?"

He swallows back a scalding gulp that likely scorched his throat on the way down. He wants to push his emotions down and say something quippy that won't distract you for more than a few moments, but tonight he needs reassurance more than he's willing to admit. "Did I come back too early?"

He expects an immediate and bombastic denial, but you just sit there, stirring your black coffee as you tuck your legs under you. "I can't decide that for you."

It's a diplomatic answer, but he needs guidance, and he doesn't have anyone else to go to. Not that he would go to anyone else even if he did. "Do you think I'm jeopardizing the team by being here?"

This time, the answer is immediate. "Of course not. You've been doing your job effectively, and no one can say otherwise."

He pauses for a moment, ruminating over your words. He knows he's not asking the right questions. He's just delaying until he has to accept what he's feeling.

With a shaky breath, he sets his coffee down and looks at you. "Am I jeopardizing my family by being here?"

Your brows pinch. "Jack will be okay. He's young, and he'll miss you, but you're his hero, Aaron. He loves you because you keep him safe."

"But I'm never home." His voice sounds ragged to his own ears, and he's certain you can hear the pain clawing out of his throat. "How am I doing my job as a father if I'm never there?"

"Aaron," you whisper, drawing his eyes back to yours. "You're keeping him safe by catching the bad guys. He knows that. And that's what he needs." You fix him with a look that makes his back straighten. "Okay?"

After a moment, he nods. "Okay."

***

"Hi, Hales."

You sink down onto the bench in front of her headstone, before pulling the baggie of peach rings you brought from your pocket. They were the only candy you liked from your high school's vending machine, and the two of you would share them between classes during your senior year.

"I should've come sooner, but work's been really busy."

You've only visited her once since the funeral six months ago, and you wish you could've come by more, but sometimes being here is just too much. It's too stark of a reminder that she's never coming back.

You pop another peach ring in your mouth, before breaking into a grin. "Jack's growing up so fast. He's so resilient, it's amazing." He has already adjusted to living in his father's apartment full time, and he seems to like hanging out with you or Jess whenever he's stuck at work late. "I wish you could be here to see it all."

You wish for a lot of things these days. The loss seems to keep piling up, and you don't know what to do or how to feel most of the time, but time keeps passing. And with it, so does the grief.

"Aaron's starting to get better too." You don't know what you believe, but a part of you suspects she knows all of this already. "The transition back was hard on all of us, but he doesn't look as defeated all the time anymore." Your lip twitches. "He even smiles at my jokes sometimes."

You swear you hear her laughter over the rustling of the wind, but it's probably just in your head. "Anyway, I just wanted to come see you. Let you know how much we miss you."

You stand up, grabbing the bouquet from next to you, and walk over to the headstone. Without thinking, you reach into your bag of candy and drop a peach ring into the dirt. It feels juvenile, even as you're doing it, but you can't help yourself. She would find it funny. You know she would.

You tuck the rest into your pocket and walk across the grass to another row of stones. It's not a quick stroll, but it gives you enough time to take a few deep breaths before you face him again.

Jeff Adler. The letters jump out at you like flashing lights, and you blink a few times as the magnitude of your loss washes over you. So many lives, so much love and warmth gone from your life.

Bending down, you place the bouquet of carnations in front of his headstone, before kissing your fingertips and pressing them to his name.

***

"You've got to be kidding."

He just shrugs, but there's a small smile tugging at his lips. You make sure to keep your voice down as you toss your cards into the center pile and lean back against the bottom of his couch.

After putting Jack to bed, neither of you could think of anything quiet to do until Aaron pulled out a deck of cards from below the tv stand.

"I hate that you're so good at this," you grumble, watching as he deftly splits the deck and starts shuffling again. This being Go Fish.

"You're good, too," he concedes, flashing you an amused look that you don't share.

"Yeah, but you're better."

"As with most things."

You throw a card at him, but he dodges it easily. When he's finished shuffling, he deals out a card, before pausing. "We can play something else if you don't think you can beat me."

"Just deal the cards."

He lets out a low laugh and deals out another card, just as both of your cellphones chirp at the same time. You share a look before dropping the cards on the table. He stands first and gives you a hand up, which you accept.

"I'll call Jess," you whisper as he strides over to his bedroom to get his go-bag. You dial her quickly, and get the confirmation that she's coming over, before grabbing your own bag and heading out to his car.

***

"Sorry to ruin your night."

Everyone is in casual clothing when you walk into the briefing room with Aaron on your heels. JJ shoots you an apologetic look which quickly turns to surprise when Rossi walks in wearing a full tux.

"What, are you working on, wife number 4?" Derek laughs as he sets his bag down.

Dave just grumbles. "I see you people way too much."

"I hear that," you grin before taking your usual seat between Aaron and Spencer.

"Let's get started." JJ hands out the case files and clicks the screen on. "All right. Anchorage field office is asking us to investigate a series of murders in Franklin, Alaska. There's 3 people dead in less than a week."

You scan the file as fast as you can, but Spencer beats you to it. "For a town with a population of 1,476, that's fairly significant."

JJ nods. "It's their first murder investigation on record."

"Who are the victims?" Dave asks, his eyes darting back and forth between the file and the screen.

JJ looks down at her notes. "Uh, Jon Baker, a hunter. Dedaimia Swanson, a schoolteacher. Brenda Bright, the first mate on a fishing boat. There's a new victim every 2 days."

Everyone seems to be thinking the same thing, but Emily gives it a voice. "Any connections?"

"Unfortunately, in a town this small, everyone's connected."

When JJ finishes up the briefing, Aaron stands up and grabs his bag. "We'll fly out tonight. Everybody can sleep on the plane. Garcia, I need you with us."

She shoots him a confused look. "Sir?"

"I've tasked a satellite uplink and it's your job to keep us connected."

"Yes, sir."

"This town's already on the brink," he continues with a sigh, "and if this pattern continues, we've only got another day until the next murder. Let's finish this fast."

***

After barely getting any sleep on the plane ride over, and a long day in the cold, the team holes up in the lobby of a local inn, warming up around the fire.

"I'm gonna pull an all-nighter," Garcia announces when you stifle a yawn behind your fist. "I'll finish going through the town records. Should have background checks by sunrise."

"Good," Aaron nods, sitting up on the couch. "The rest of us should get some sleep, start fresh in the morning."

At his suggestion, the innkeeper steps out from behind her desk. "I've got four of the upstairs rooms available."

"Uh, 4?" Spencer squeaks, his eyes darting around the room.

"Come on," the sheriff sighs as he stands up, "that's the best we can do. Your team is double the size of my department." He glances at Aaron and they share a nod. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night."

The sheriff walks out of the inn and you lean back on the couch, turning your head to the side to look at Aaron. The question in your eyes is implicit. What's the plan?

"It looks like we'll have to double up," Emily answers for you, her lips stretching into a grin.

Derek speaks up immediately. "I'm not sleeping with Reid."

Penelope reaches over and grabs Derek's arm. "Dibs."

Emily and JJ stand together and head upstairs, and you glance at Aaron with a nod. "Let's find one of the double rooms before Emily snags it."

"Guess it's you and me, kid," Dave says to Spencer as you grab a key from the front desk and pick up your bag. The inn is so small that all of your rooms end up being in the same hallway. You leave the door open behind you as you step inside and toss your bag onto the nearest bed.

Aaron enters after you and locks the door, before wordlessly moving your bag to the other bed, away from the door. It takes you less than a second to realize why. His protective nature was always strong, but over the past year, it has kicked into overdrive, especially around you and Jack.

"Do you want first shower?" you ask as you unzip your bag and pull out a tee shirt and some sleep shorts.

"You take it," he says, shaking his head. The chilliness of the outside air hasn't left your bones, so you don't wait for him to change his mind before grabbing your toiletries and rushing into the bathroom.

While you're in the shower, Aaron takes his time fluffing out the comforter and pillows on his bed. The room itself isn't very spacious, but he doesn't mind sharing with you. The close quarters remind him of his youth when he would sneak into your room late at night to get away from his family. Just the sight of the lights through your bedroom window used to bring him peace. When he glances over at your side of the room, a tranquility washes over him, and he realizes that the feeling hasn't really gone away.

"Your turn," you say a little later when you emerge from the bathroom. Your skin is still slightly damp, and your cheeks are pink from the heat of the shower, and he has to tear his eyes away as he nods and steps around you.

The tiny mirror in the bathroom is still steamy when he shuts the door behind him and pulls off his shirt, and he lifts his hand to wipe it off, before pausing. His scars aren't something he likes to think about often, but after saving Jack, they took on a different image in his mind. He felt less like a victim.

He rubs his hand against the mirror to wipe off some of the condensation, and his reflection looks tense as it stares back at him. Back in the room, your presence felt warm and comfortable, but in here, with the steam fogging up the glass, and the scent of your perfume lingering in the air, something else roils in his gut.

It's a not-so-unfamiliar feeling that used to be commonplace when he was younger. It hadn't reared its head in years, but lately, it's been so much harder to push it down. When he sees how much his son loves you, how much he looks forward to finding you in his apartment when he gets back from a late meeting. It's been...hard.

He turns on the shower and steps in, letting the hot water wash away the notions tickling the edge of his brain. When he walks back into the room, you are tucked into your bed, the covers up to your chin.

"You look like a burrito," he notes with a small laugh.

You shrug, though it's barely visible from under the comforter. "I find this is the best way to keep out the Arctic chill that seems to have invaded our lodgings."

"Fair enough."

He slides into his own bed and clicks the switch on the wall to turn the lights off. He tries to sleep for a few minutes, but even though he's exhausted, it won't come.

It's dark enough that he can't see his fingers in front of his face, but the uneven sounds of your breathing let him know that you're still awake.

"You should really sleep," he whispers into the darkness.

"You first," you say after a moment, before your voice lowers. "How are you doing? How are you holding up, I mean."

"How are you doing?" he asks, knowing he's being unfair.

You don't let it slide this time. "You're deflecting."

"I know."

There's a pause before he finally concedes. "I think I'm okay. The normalcy is coming back, and Jack is doing a lot better, which helps immensely."

"Me too," you say after a beat.

He wants to let the subject go and try to sleep, but the words are pulling at his throat. "I miss her all the time."

"Me too," you repeat. You huff out a husky laugh, but there's no humor behind it. "God, me too."

There's a tinge of bitterness in your voice that he recognizes in himself, but it's not something he knows if he can explain. He remembers how a small part of you blamed Jeff after his death, but that's nothing like what he's feeling. He blames himself for everything but the act itself, knowing that if he had just gotten there quicker, or taken the deal, or taken the transfer-

His breath catches and he hears you rustle under your covers. He imagines you turning to face him, and as his eyes slowly adjust he sees that he was right.

"Do you remember that time in high school," he says suddenly, not entirely sure where he's going with this, "when I got detention."

"I'm gonna need you to be more specific."

He laughs, in spite of himself, and turns over to face you as well. You're so far away, but he can just barely make out your face from across the room. "When you broke me out."

Your laughter is sudden and it echoes around the small room as the memory hits you. "I do remember that. I told them your grandfather was in the hospital so that they would let you out. God, Mrs. Parker was so upset when she went to get you."

"I think my favorite part of the story was that both of my grandfathers died before I could walk."

You chuckle, your voice softer now. "I know."

His chest warms at the memory of the two of you running out to your car and driving to get a scoop of chocolate at your favorite ice cream shop. Even afterwards, you had driven around town for hours, without a complaint, and he hadn't mentioned the time once. It was so soon after his dad's death, and he hated going home for so many reasons. Sean hated him, and his mother was sad all of the time, and it was like you just knew.

"You were good at reading me," he whispers, almost to himself.

"Were good?" you ask with mock offense.

He snorts. "Fine, are good at reading me."

"That's more like it."

***

You drop your empty glass back on the table, feeling the burn of the liquor as you swallow it down. It's your second drink of the night, and while you usually don't indulge in more than one, you welcome the chance to let loose.

Everyone else seems to be in the same mindset, because JJ, Emily, and Penelope are in various states of drunkenness around the booth, and the men are either nursing a drink or driving.

"Let's dance," JJ shrieks, lifting her head off of Will's shoulder and pushing herself up from the booth.

"Hell yeah," Emily grins, pulling you and Penelope up with her.

JJ tries to corral the guys to join, but they all stay firmly seated. Dave and Will look content as they sip their whiskey, and Spencer doesn't budge, citing his leg hurting (a lie). After a bit of targeted shoving, Derek chuckles and gets up for one dance, following Penelope and JJ onto the dance floor.

"Aaaaaron," you slur, tugging his arm. He doesn't move even an inch, but the corner of his lip twitches when you don't give up.

"You used to dance in college," you point out with a frown.

Emily hoots as she saunters over to the floor. "This I need to see."

Aaron just shakes his head with a smile, and you eventually oblige, joining the ladies (and Derek) for a few dances. The dark atmosphere of the club has you feeling looser than you have in a long time, and after the next song, you join Dave over at the bar to get another drink.

You down half of it before you leave the counter, and by this point, JJ has coaxed Will out of his seat, while Spencer rushes off to find the bathroom. The tiredness hits you as soon as you finish the drink, and when you spot Aaron by himself at the booth, you glide back to keep him company.

He doesn't notice you at first as you walk over to him, and you can't help but register that he looks good in his undone button-down. You take another step forward and a thin glint of metal around his neck becomes visible. A jolt of heat shoots down your body and you set your glass down on a nearby table without looking as you approach him.

When you reach the edge of the bench, someone walking by bumps into you and you stumble forward. Aaron grabs onto you as you fall forward, and you end up crushed in his arms, your face just inches from his. Your thoughts cut out and you don't make a sound, your breaths coming out in quick spurts.

Neither one of you moves as you look at each other, so so close, so much closer than you've ever been, than you've ever gotten to be. The faintest impression of a thought - the thought - crosses the deepest edges of your mind as you lean in infinitesimally. He doesn't notice, and you barely register it either, but you can't help but notice how easy it would be to just close the gap and kiss him.

Kiss him?

Your brain short-circuits and you just barely manage to keep your eyes from widening. You have no idea where that came from, but then again, if you are honest with yourself, it has always been there, buried deep down beneath years of friendship and history.

The question invades your brain again, and this time, you're unable to stop it. What would it be like to kiss him?

You can't keep your breath from catching, and he pulls back immediately, tugging you to the side and depositing you on the booth beside him.

Your mouth falls open as you try to meet his eye. "Aaron-"

His head turns and he stands up, his eyes dark under the soft lighting. "I'm sorry."

Before you can get another word out, he's gone.

TAGLIST: @citrusiove, @yiiiikesmish, @sanayikes, @mdanon027, @alice-w0rld, @beata1108, @bakugocanstompme, @raely-study, @himboelover, @hermionegalathynius, @rousethemouse, @calif0rniadreamin, @tolerateit13, @delusional-13s-blog, @madesavage05, @littlemisskavities, @love13tter, @domithebomi, @guacam011y, @averyhotchner, @silver-studios, @whosmys (message me to be added!)

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #hotch x reader #hotch x female!reader #aaron hotchner #hotch #criminal minds #penelope garcia #spencer reid #derek morgan #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #david rossi #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner series #criminal minds series #criminal minds season five #hotch fic #criminal minds fanfiction #anchor series #anchor

[russanogreenstripe]

So many good moments in Ep 5 of Burrow's End, but this is the one that sets my mind buzzing the most. The idea that community predates identity. We know mama, dada, and baba before we know not only their names, but our own names. And in the season all about family, community, in-group versus outgroup? This feels like such an important idea, and it was came up likely on the spot. It's fascinating to think about, and touches on such big themes about Burrow's End in general.

My mind keeps trying to read "name" as "self," and come up with something like "we have to know others before we know who we are," but I think there's a fundamental error in that idea. Neurologically, we just start off with just "Me" - one of our basic senses is what is "Me" and what is "Not Me." That's fundamental to further categorization, and faults in that sense is where things like depersonalization / derealization come from. Names are just labels, and they're not even the first labels we have for them.

This ties into another point that a lot of people had when watching the trailer at the end of Ep. 4 and during the live reaction of Ep. 5 - the idea that because Sybil was so reluctant to say her brother's name after he died, that it was the result of some top-down oppression within Last Bast and further proof that it's not as idyllic as it seems. Now, Last Bast almost certainly isn't a utopia, and I'm sure we're going to learn more about that in the next episode. And it's possible that it is a top-down enforcement that Sybil, having been raised in Last Bast, has internalized. However, there's a chance this isn't the case.

Less than 30 seconds on Google turns up several cultures that have taboos around speaking the names of the dead - Aboriginal mortuary rituals, the Apache of the Southwest US, the Tolowa tribe of California, the Yanomami on the border of Brazil and Venezuela, certain Romani/Irish Traveller groups, and almost certainly more. While it initially seems unfathomable to Western cultural mores around remembering and memorializing the dead, it's just as possible possible that instead of a method of social control, it's simply a cultural taboo.

https://scholarblogs.emory.edu/gravematters/2017/04/18/aboriginal-mortuary-rituals/

And as Aabria has commented both during the live discussion and general discord channels,

Aabria's a smart cookie, and I trust that she's done plenty of worldbuilding and put tons of thought into how Last Bast's society works. We've seen she's great at her cultural analysis while in the DM's chair in both Misfits & Magic and in A Court of Fey and Flowers. Culture and society are interwoven in all of her games, and where does all that start? With family.

#dimension 20 #d20 spoilers #d20 #burrow’s end #burrows end #d20 burrow's end #erika ishii #surprise anthropology #damn this series is good

[fellthemarvelous]

Staged and Good Omens: The discontinuity of a story within a story within a story.

I'm watching the third season of Staged again right now, and I think I've figured something out.

The discontinuity that people are talking about of Good Omens 2.

Staged 3 was a very modern version of A Christmas Carol. Ep 1. Is there a version? (David and Michael work with Simon again) Ep 2. Who's Playing Who? (Scrooge, episode was a farce) Ep 3. Past (Michael and David are co-dependent af) Ep 4. Present (Michael and David fail to write a script) Ep 5. Future (David tells everyone they are doing a live show) Ep 6. Knock, Knock (Simon gets even, ending is sad but not really because they are just taking a break and breaks don't last forever, and Simon gets a job offer based on his script for Knock, Knock, the one story he didn't write.)

The epic trainwreck that is David and Michael's live version of A Christmas Carol is actually a hit, but everyone else has to convince them to stop the show because it can't go on forever. So they end it with Michael and David agreeing to take a break from working together even though it makes both of them sad.

But the whole premise of Staged was that everything was filmed on iPads, computers and cell phones. And it was submitted to Simon so he could piece it together.

Simon Evans wrote Staged as a love story between David and Michael. Simon writes what he sees and finds ways to incorporate fiction into reality. He saw them on Good Omens together and he saw the chemistry between David and Michael, and he turned it into a comedy about these two eccentric actors who clearly love each other. And they agreed to star in it.

They improvised most of it, but Simon laid out the framework of the plot for them to follow, and then he let them be themselves.

The entire show has layers upon layers of meta weaved into it.

Anyway, my point is...

This post is one of several that covers the different ways discontinuity seems to occur during Good Omens 2. The evidence is very compelling.

I'm not here to point all that out because I don't have the strength of some of the meta writers in this fandom, and they're already on top of it, but if we look to Staged as an example, what is the plotline that Good Omens 2 is following?

Good Omens 2 is a modern version of.... Ep 1. The Arrival Ep 2. The Clue (A Companion to Owls) Ep 3. I Know Where I'm Going (The Resurrectionists) Ep 4. The Hitchhiker (Nazi Zombie Flesheaters) Ep 5. The Ball Ep 6. Every Day

What are the stories happening around Aziraphale and Crowley? They're the focal point of season two, but what else is happening?

Neil Gaiman has said that everything means something. They aren't just showing us these things by accident. There is a story happening outside of Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship. And we are all looking closely for that person doing a very odd thing just out of sight or objects being moved around without knowing how they got there in the first place.

There was literally an entire scene in Staged where they are trying to figure out who is playing Scrooge and Simon is so anxious that he keeps moving his plant between two different spots in the room. It also ends up with Georgia accidentally planning her own birthday party because David is in Tokyo. But then they cut at one point and you learn David was actually in his bedroom and not a hotel room in Japan and Georgia didn't really just plan her own birthday party. That chaos was scripted. David has to change clothes, they have to go several minutes back in the scene they just did, but as Anna points out, the sun is not in the same place it was when they started the scene. And then Michael loses his shit at Simon and storms off.

You think that's the reason Simon left, but then we get the episode where Georgia tells David Michael wants to write the script and then tells Michael that David wants to write the script. She does it so she can get them alone in a room together because people love watching them argue. They find out she set them up about six hours later. They are hungry and hot and annoyed and mad at her so she gets Simon to come back to work with David and Michael. Simon comes back from cosplaying as a dentist, brings the food Michael ordered hours ago, and sits down to write. Michael gets pissed off at Simon again because Simon forgot the prawn crackers, so he throws his food at Simon.

Some of these are of the past. Some are of the present. They were all filmed at the same time though so you don't know what happened when or why.

These scenes are all cobbled together. They tell a complete story though. The order just isn't exact.

The story we are seeing in season 2 isn't the real story. It was happening around Aziraphale and Crowley, but with them at the focal point, you get a romantic comedy and it distracts you from what's going on in the background.

There is more than one story in season 2. It's basically a jigsaw puzzle that we can try to piece together, but we won't know what's actually happening until we get the much needed context of season 3.

There are clues all over the place in Good Omens 2. The story is being told through so many other methods except for the one that makes the most sense to us because someone doesn't want us to see what's coming, so we get distracted by Nina and Maggie, Jim, Aziraphale and Crowley.

We know Muriel and Saraqael are up to something. We know Shax and Furfur are up to something. We know the Metatron is up to something. What we don't know is where God went. We hear God's voice in Companion to Owls and we hear God's voice speaking through and with Jim when Crowley orders him to tell them what is going on. It ties directly to the first time Crowley and Aziraphale ever worked together.

We know that Aziraphale is going to Edinburgh and he knows exactly where he's going because he and Crowley have been there before. It challenges the concept of good and evil because Crowley does the good thing and gets sucked into Hell. Right next to Gabriel's statue.

We know that Aziraphale picks up a hitchhiker even though he doesn't want to, and it turns out to be Shax. She reminds Aziraphale of the time that Furfur caught them working together. There were zombies and human magic tricks and Aziraphale uses sleight of hand to save Crowley from being dragged back down into Hell again.

The episode titles of Staged 3 all represent different chapters of A Christmas Carol. But it was more than that because Michael is upset with David for doing adverts without him after they were both asked to work together at first. They love each other and they love working together, but it's preventing them from doing other things they want to do. Hence the break from working together.

It's a story within another story within another story.

And I think that's what we are witnessing in Good Omens. Things aren't happening in the right order. Beyond the sadness of Aziraphale and Crowley splitting up, there is still the next apocalypse to deal with. The story we are getting in season two isn't happening sequentially. It's being manipulated to hide the signs that things are already underway by giving us a love story as a distraction.

And it works very damn well. Because the love story was beautiful.

Staged 3 ending

Good Omens 2 ending

#good omens #good omens meta #good omens theories #i am in no way saying that this is the answer #but it hit me while i was watching staged #staged #david tennant #michael sheen #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #michael and david

[thosewildcharms]

towl 1x03 thoughts

rick is REALLY going through it trying to keep michonne alive by out maneuvering jadis AND thorne AND michonne herself because she fails horrendously at acting like she's not the most impressive person in the world AND trying not to have an aneurysm about all of that at the same time

speaking of rick you can't tell her to lie low and then eyefuck her in public every time you see her you are equally bad at this

equally you should probably stop kissing her every chance you get if you want her to believe you want her to leave lol

by contrast michonne screaming at him with her eyes while simultaneously giving him the silent treatment because she's actually too pissed off to yell at him? danai the actress you are!!!!!!!

also!!! the fact that rick thinks he can say "if you love me, you'll go" would actually make her leave is crazy. he has no idea how much that woman loves him! that's why she just smiled angrily at him because ACTUALLY. the reality is that she loves him way TOO much to ever leave him behind. that's WHY she's even here, in fact!!! he's not used to people fighting for him like this :(

michonne ripping that helmet off his head so hard i thought his head might come off with it had me cackling but also rick is stronger than me because I'd be on my knees

"you're a hero. with a shit haircut" I screamed he hates jadis so much it's so funny fdjaslkf

speaking of which I wonder if the freaks who think there is genuine sexual tension between rick and jadis caught his look of absolute disgust as he physically recoiled from her when she sexually harassed him for the 100th time. girl he's not gonna fuck you

CARL MENTION HELP

"He told me he'd find you. He found you." "Now I'm looking for him." MAYBE STOP MAKING ME CRY PERHAPS

one thing about rick and michonne they WILL find a minute to make out for a bit. and because andy and danai are EPs now they will do it with tongue while extremely well-lit! it's like they heard the complaints from the mothership and addressed them by kissing at least once per episode in broad daylight they love us

rich and michonne effortlessly fighting side by side and getting shit done after almost a decade apart because they are ACTUAL soulmates

the parallel between pearl aiming her gun at michonne and shane aiming his gun at rick in season 2 because they both feel threatened!!! big difference of course being that rick is there to literally put himself in the crosshairs to protect her

michonne staring rick down in a a turbulent helicopter and then abruptly yeeting them both into a raging storm because she is fed up with his shit is the funniest, most unhinged thing I've ever seen I love her so much

this show is fucking insane I love it. I'm still wary of how it will all end but I'm enjoying the hell out of it until we get there

#towl spoilers #the ones who live #the ones who live spoilers #richonne

[weebsinstash]

Suprised you havent mentioned what Val wears in episode 6(he's maybe wearing the same in ep 8?)

Like those fucking boots and the fact he's wearing a skirt makes me think he does it for easy access.....👀

I think it probably is the same outfit! I'm thinking the whole "moth shaped boob window" little black dress is like, the default one he keeps under his coat? He also has a different hat in that scene (no stripes, heart button)

Ughhh I just noticed that even though he isn't talking to or looking at her he's still engaging Gasmask Girl in the conversation or she's part of his recruitment because he has his hand on her hip like that 😩❤️ also isn't it SO diva of him that he already has forearms that become black further down but he'll still put on black gloves with this dress. I guess because his black dress shirt has sleeves and this dress doesn't and he just prefers that fashion wise? Idk

I wonder how often he prefers the pants and how often he prefers the dress? True Valentino simps know he's BEEN hoein' in these streets for a while but I'm still a little surprised they made him dressing gnc a canon thing. I wonder if in season 2 we'll ever see Angel in drag or anything since that's something he enjoys?

Just like. UGHHHH I can SEE him being such a catty bully to force Reader to dress/present themself how he wants them to look. OR he'll manipulate your insecurities and try and be your ""friend"" to get closer to you that way, helping teach you how to 'look nicer' (and some of it IS helpful stuff like say makeup or certain styling tips but 8 times outta 10 he's using you like a doll). He's complimenting you and calling you pretty and he DOES mean it but it's partially because in his mind you're already his property and thus he wants his arm candy to be nice n pretty looking their best. You two are showing up to show out at any event Val drags you along to.

Shit happens like Angel gets a text from Valentino to bring him some food "because I'm busy so chop chop babe" and Angel walks in with the grub and Val is just... sitting there, very obviously definitely not busy, and in fact, he's doing your makeup, applying your eyeliner all sing song and playful, "i swear to Lucifer, mami, if you keep tearing up and ruin all the hardwork I just did on your eyes again, Daddy's gonna have to punish yooou~" and he just glances up to Angel with the most disinterested, "oh, hey. You can set that down and go"

Anthony is over here, having a SOUL CRUSHING MORAL CRISIS, because he's wished and hoped for Valentino getting a new favorite toy FOR SO LONG, but now? Angel's deathly afraid that Val's new favorite to play with might be YOU because Valentino's over here suddenly having you spend your whole shift where you're usually serving drinks to the Overlord now instead just, sitting cuddling up to him, or sitting so close to him your sides are touching and he puts his hands on your sides and waist...

Also um. On the subject of Val's dress and episode 8 and all that can we talk about Vox having the strength to be able to dip this man and how Valentino has hands large enough they can fully wrap around Vox's thigh

Look at these evil WHORES, and the way Val stroked Vox's face, like... UGH I can just see Val making Reader cry and he forces you to look at him, stroking your cheek and cooing about how it's good he got you waterproof makeup this time so that you "can stay nice and pretty and still look so cute while you're whining like a little bitch" like seriously I definitely see Valentino and Velvette as sadistic possessive yandere who would even get off on you crying and all the Vees are seriously the best of the worst 😩❤️

#yandere hellaverse #yandere hazbin hotel #hh #sinprompts #yandere x reader

[jacarandaaaas]

I remember seeing something in your tags where you said you had a few ideas for episodes for the Encanto series. Do you mind sharing them with me? if you want of course. (I've already written the basic premise for seasons 1-4 but I'm happy to hear any ideas you got)

ooh of course! these are just some brainstormed thoughts nothing substantial but

- mirabel gets her new room (because we didn’t see it in the movie)

- julieta cooking with her daughters as a bonding exercise

- bruno goes out into the town with his sisters and they talk to the townspeople about everything

- mirabels having nightmares/flashbacks of casita falling on her and starts thinking there’s cracks everywhere

- antonio and Dolores doing literally anything I love them

- alma falls back into old habits but the family’s there to steer her in the right direction

- luisa gets a fun part in her room! (Based on the concept art)

- the husbands + bruno have a boys night out !

- isa and Dolores have a heart to heart when they plan to spend the day together

- camilo and Bruno put on a play for the whole community and the whole family helps!

- pepa brings bruno around to try new things since he’s missed so much

- madrigal grandkids have a sleepover

- triplets flashback to when they first get their gifts and it’s the first week of absolute CHAOS in the encanto

- day of little candles themed ep where alma and the family go to the river and alma tells them all about pedro (maybe a flashback to life before dos oruguitas)

- isabela adjusting to her new identity and the villagers still subconsciously think of her as her “perfect” version

- someones birthday and the family throw the best party ever

- mirabel and bruno reflect on what’s changed and how the future can be scary

- this one’s entirely self indulgent but mirabel goes to the local seamstress to get advice and ends up being taken on board as an assistant

- camilo and Marco get all the town kids to partake in the ultimate encanto football match

- luisa having a day off where the family do everything for her (she deserves it)

- christmas ep because why not!

- flashback to grandkids as younger for some preteen Dolores and isa moments

- antonio starts school and is super nervous and struggles a bit but he has his family for support

- mirabel not being used to having attention on her all the time and feeling like she has to live up to new expectations because she’s “the miracle” (this isn’t her being a leader or anything this is literally just her brain assuming they expect stuff from her)

- triplets bday!! (Can be from any time)

- mirabel and Antonio have a picnic

- Dolores and Mariano get a date set up for them by camilo

- madrigal sisters talk about their feelings from when mirabel went missing

- agustin and julieta have an anniversary coming up so agustin wants to make it the most special ever (shenanigans insue)

- pepa and felix go out for the night and pepa is insanely talented on the dance floor

- all the parents go away and Bruno is left to babysit

- isabela wants to make some friends after not having many due to her wanting to keep up appearances

- Dolores wants a new outfit and goes to mirabel for help

- luisa stands up to the donkey man

- julieta and alma moments

I cant think of more on the spot so if anyone wants to leave suggestions in comments!

#encanto #encanto disney #disneys encanto #mirabel madrigal #isabela madrigal #disney’s encanto #bruno madrigal #luisa madrigal #dolores madrigal #antonio madrigal #julieta madrigal #agustin madrigal #felix madrigal #pepa madrigal #abuela alma madrigal #mariano guzman #marco osma #if I was a writer I would write stories about these but unfortunately I suck #oh hypothetical encanto series save us #encanto series

[eisa-core]

I would like to request going seventeen ( insomnia-zero II #1) episode 29

[GOING SEVENTEEN] EP.29 불면제로 II (Insomnia-Zero)

🌟 Insomnia-Zero returns 🌟 in all it's meme-making glory!

With their cringy pasts being unearthed right there, who will maintain their cool and succeed in clocking out of work?!

«Okay! insomnia-zero season 2. Hoshi's insomnia-zero!»

Hoshi immediately began speaking energetically as soon as the staff started recording his show, Insomnia-zero: trying to keep calm, your heartbeat relatively low, while others disturb you by exposing your 'secrets' or by being, as usual, silly.

«It took longer than we expected to start the 2nd season» - Woozi continued along with Hoshi.

«That's right. But there's a reason for this: in fact, for season 2, the rules have been upgraded» - Hoshi continued presenting the new rules in the same initial tone. For Daisy this was new, in the first season of 2020, she had not been able to participate along with Seungcheol, but she had caught up with the episode and she was afraid she would not be able to go home that day.

«Let's start» - Hoshi finished introducing the new rules to the viewers, cubics and carats, and with a cut to the scene, the staff had started to place the bed and pillow, putting the heart rate meter on each person.

«Daisy, you weren't there the first time. How about we get started with you?» - Dokyeom pushed her into the middle but fortunately he didn't want to make her the first victim of the game, rather, the first to expose the secrets of... Mingyu.

Mingyu already embarrassed and aware of what was in store for him got under the covers, knowing that Daisy was not as much of an angel as she might have appeared.

«Oh you know, during Insomnia-Zero 1... I wasn't there. But I wanted to talk about what happened at a concert back in the days.» - Daisy sat back comfortably including the others to humour her with what she was going to say, it seemed like it wasn't something "new" at all.

«Oh that's legendary!» - Seungkwan added. «It was a concert abroad! He used to lift up his shirt to show off his abs!» - Daisy continued making everyone laugh, including the lighting technician who was playing behind them... yes new rules.

«And now that we can't do concerts, the only way we can meet our fans is during fansigns» - Daisy continued enthusiastically, Seungkwan next to her loved being able to add details about it.

«There's a very short span of time where we're outside and bodyguards with us leading the way» - «Exactly! And Mingyu in those five seconds-» - Daisy paused as just imagining the scene she wanted to describe was amusing. «He's stretching his biceps» - She concluded and then threw her back to the floor, shuffling her feet in embarrassment for her friend, who was squinting his eyes trying not to wake up.

Perhaps it was better for him, or he would have witnessed Seungkwan's super spot-on imitation. «Mingyu likes to show off» - Dokyeom added continuing with the muscle imitation. «야! people will think i'm a pervert!» - Mingyu could finally stand up and 'defend' himself, pointing a finger at Daisy who was flicking tongues at him.



«Go you now our dear princess» - Mingyu was looking forward to nothing more than being able to take revenge, but what could be expected from the only two aries in the group?

Daisy wanted to disappear now, her heart pounding just at the idea of having to participate in the game.

«It's time to reveal something that all of us have kept from you, even Jun and Minghao» - Jeonghan took the initiative, also naming the two members who were absent that day, and who he knew very well are the two members who never hide anything from little Hyejin.

«Carats, as you well know our dear Daisy is very obsessed with coffee» - Seungkwan continued. «Well coming from you...» - He was immediately interrupted by Woozi who, with this comment, made him roll his eyes. «It's her turn, not mine!» - He sulkily defended himself, Daisy giggled under her breath hearing the chaos they were already creating.

«Anyway, I was saying, she's obsessed with coffee, so for her birthday we had given her a coffee machine, she loved it, she used it every day» - Daisy feeling the memory of her beloved gift had brought her hands to her breast. «It's time to reveal why the coffee machine broke. I know, you think it was an internal fault but it wasn't...» - Daisy hearing these sentences opened her mouth wide, already not caring about how she was supposed to keep calm.

«It was Moon Junhui... he started clicking a thousand buttons until smoke came out and it stopped working» - The name of the culprit had been said under the laughter of the others, who watched poor Daisy inwardly weeping at the loss of her precious object. At the moment of the wake-up call she considered her 'sleeping' time to be over, she jumped up and walked straight towards the main camera. «Moon Junhui! Count your days!» - She put her hands to her hair shocked. «Are you watching this Jun? Stay in China! Don't come back here!» - She was obviously offended, but in a joking way.

«It is time to announce who can go home» - The pd-nim after all the members had gone through the "terrible sleep" waited to hear their names called. And so it was for all but Woozi, Mingyu and Daisy. Woozi had failed after there was a talk of his pride and a made-up story about (not pink boxers) but his Hercules-like muscles.

[After some no-holds-barred talk 'in front' of their backs, ASMR! Insomnia-Zero II, now with breathing techniques! Who will be the last member to stay awake?]

«Okay so with our ambiguous Mingyu, our Woozi who denies being a winner and our Daisy who lost her favourite svt member along with her coffee machine, let's begin the last round.» - Woozi huffed as he got used to these last sentences from Hoshi, it was the second time he had failed to come home in the four rounds. And that was what he hated the most. Daisy also, she never could stand asmr, especially she couldn't conceive how this could help her fall asleep, it only annoyed her.

[Hoshi's Mukbang; Hoshi's debut show starts] [Ramen Asmr]

«Oh Gosh.. Oh God.. this look so» - Woozi started to say and was interrupted by Mingyu and Daisy simultaneously «Good» - «Disgusting».

Hoshi continued to deliciously eat his pot of hot noodles, also chewing some kimchi and leaving very ambiguous comments such as "Mmm" "Aaah" every bite.

«Okay this is going too far» - Daisy could no longer continue, it was like torture. She stood cross-legged taking off her headphones. «Oh! Daisy's up! Let's interrupt the timer and calculate the results.» - Hoshi carried on with the last scene of the episode, which could give either obvious or shocking results. No one really understood what was the best method to keep a calm pace.

«In the meantime, tell us how you feel. Mingyu?» - «I feel ambiguous, I feel weird, but I'm confident i'm sure I will win» - He said giving Daisy, the one who led him to lose the previous rounds, a bad tongue. «Woozi?» - «I'm confident I will lose» - He replied bluntly and now abandoned to the fortunes of his fate with this type of Going Seventeen. «Daisy?» - «I'm hopeful that Woozi will lose too» - He answered the question with a wink at Woozi, in reality he knew full well that he was in danger of staying here until the end of the shoot.

«The results are in and...» - Hoshi had the paper given by the staff in his hand, laughing as soon as he read the name written on it. «Mingyu and Daisy you can go home!» - The two nominees held their hands clasped in prayer but upon hearing their names spoken and the word home immediately after made them get up and jump all over the room, as if until a few minutes before they hadn't been bickering at each other.

[2 Awards] [Insomnia-Zero is defined for WOOZI]

«Why is it always me?» - The producer thought aloud as Hoshi joined the group hug between Mingyu and Daisy. «Catch you tomorrow in the studio Woozi! Sleep well!» - Daisy added as a final comment full of glee, hurriedly taking off her microphone. «Guess who won't be singing on the next title track!»

ー☆ ͏

oc's masterlist

going seventeen

taglist: @cinnamon-falls ; @allthings-fandoms ; @taestrwbrry ; @illusionocnet ; @kimhyejin3108 ; @enhacolor

#eisa-core #oc daisyhwang #seventeen female oc #seventeen 14th member #seventeenxoc #seventeen female member #kpop oc #14th member of seventeen #seventeen oc #seventeen au #14th member of seventeen au #14 member of seventeen #seventeen 14th member au #seventeen x oc

[stitchpunk1]

YO GUESS WHOS HERE TO TALK ABOUT HAZBIN FANKID OCS BITCHES!

Yeah Ive been wanting to do this for a bit but been super fucking lazy. Got some other fandom ones too I wanna talk about but what with Hazbins first season ending wanna talk about mine with a few tweaks I've done plus one I forgot to add in the last one. I will put this one under spoilers sense the eps just came out and now I have to change shit around till season two for a few of them.

First I have Lucy(used to be Mara and cliche name I know but i like it). She is Charlie and Vaggies kid and named after her grandpa(who spoilers her fucking ROTTEN). Kinda got a design in my head for her that goes with a lamb/goat theme because she is half demon and half angel. Shes got charlies blond hair but more in Vaggies short style and its slightly curly. Shes also got the little hooves, sheep ears and eyes are that horizontal goat type. Like before she is still an absolute artist and loves doing bigger art installations around hell. She ends up dating Husks daughter Heather when they get older.

Second we have Isabella who is by blood Angel and Alastors daughter but her other dad is Husk and sister is Heather. Still got the same design for her that shes a bit more centaur deer like. Shes got the ears(and tail because I'm not giving that headcanon up) of Alastor but with Angels color scheme and fur and kinda a mix of spider claws/hooves(trying to picture her like head/hair in my mind has been a BITCH trying to not just think of it as a carbon copy of Angel). Recently she has become absolutely fucking unhinged as a child in discussions with Musekicker. She is 100% a cannibal and loves to take bites out of people out of pure curiosity of how they taste(leading to many many child leashes that she usually manages to chew her way out of). I like to think that she becomes popular on the hell version of tiktok with cottagecore vibes with a mix of her cannibalism. Dunno why but I like to think that if Alastor sheds his antlers she collects them and makes them into headbands she wears(also uses them to stab people).When older she ends up dating Moxxie and Millies daughter Mable.

Heather is just Huskys by blood and a one night stand but after becoming a couple with Angle and Alastor they become her parents too and Isabella her sister. Every time I think of her design all I can picture is something like Sawyer from Cats Dont Dance. Shes mostly white with a bit of her dads dark grey. Her face all around is just a pure resting bitch face even if she isnt mad or in a bad mood("its literally just my face" is something she has to say a lot). Her biggest secret is how much she LOVES to sing especially musicals and wants to be a stage performer but she thinks she could never make it. She does start to try out in school or any local theater productions thanks to Lucys encouragement. I like to think that after quitting Mammon that even Fizz sometimes does shows for fun and he kinda mentors her after seeing her talent.

Two more to go! Vea is Val and Voxs little accident that they just decide to keep around. She looks mostly like a moth demon but more bluish and sometimes has a little bit of electricity that goes between her antenna. Shes pretty powerful as she can sometimes match Voxs powers if he say fucks around and locks electronics or tv channels. She ends up not exactly running away from home but just kind of wandering away as her parents pay her little to no mind. She ends up at the hotel and kinda taken in by everyone after they learn her story. She ends up becoming the hotels electrician and is fucking terrified of Niffty.

Lastly is one I forgot on my last post who I am not sure what to do with her after the last episode. Her name is Pia and she is Pen and Arackniss kid. Body type she looks mostly like Niss with a little snake tail but she can go full naga like with extra arms/legs when she wants. She has a hood/hair like Pen and is insanely venomous(took me like ten tries to fucking spell that right) do to being half snake/spider. If Pen is in heaven whenever these kids are around she is raised by Niss who stays around the hotel more to take care of her/keep her from his father(who you know is a fucking prick). When he isnt around Angel takes care of his niece. Shes mostly quiet and keeps to herself but she loves weapons of all kinds, being an absolutely crack shot with most firearms.

#hazbin hotel spoilers #stitches ocs #vaggie #hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #angel dust #alastor #husk #vox #valentino #sir pentious #arackniss

[bronx-bomber87]

Hi! just want to say really love The Rookie episode breakdown that you do.

So assuming you have watch all of them, do you have any list / ranking of best Chenford related episodes? Or can you give us your ranking of best Chenford related episodes? Really want to hear your thoughts on this. Thank you!

Hi @xiaozhen16! First off thank you for your lovely comment on my reviews. Means a lot I'm so glad you enjoy them. :) Also appreciate you wanting my thoughts on this. Let's see I have been with The Rookie since day one, actually pre-green light. I followed Nathan after Castle and his next project and saw The Rookie get its green light. So i've been with since the literal jump. Seen all eps for sure more than once haha Think I've rewatched it least 5 times since it started. Thank you for being patient while I took the time to answer this. Life is hard to fit stuff in so thank you. It'll be a long reply lol In order to answer this properly I'm going to do top 5 with an honorable mentions that could span up to 5 cause this is hard LOL Those will be in no particular order. I'll do it for each season. Except S5. I just can't choose S5 down to a top ten.

I love that entire season. But I can do 1-4. Someday I can rank S5 on its own ranking the entire season if you like but for now it'll be this. Let me know if you'd like me to do that in the comments. But for this one Each season has something different to offer for them. So it'll be easier to break it down by season but only going up to S4. Hopefully you enjoy this detailed reply. Anyone is welcome to comment and such too.

Season 1.

1x14 Plain Clothes Day

Hands down this is my favorite episode of S1 for them. It's a very telling episode for them both. Lots of growth as well. Lucy is hell bent to prove herself to Tim. She is nervous but driven to prove to Tim she is worth investing his time in. Her day is a plethora of jitters and mistakes. Tim consistently getting under her skin and rattling her cage. Then at the last minute like a phoenix rising from the ashes Lucy makes the right call. Such a clutch moment that impresses Tim more than he'll ever let on. Doesn't hesitate for one moment checking that man's garage out.

This is a huge step towards her growth as a cop and a person really. Its seminal episode for Lucy. A stepping stone to her confidence and learning to trust her instincts and not second guess herself. For Tim it's realizing as much as he loves to mess with Lucy he wants her to succeed more. He states in the very beginning of the episode how he's had 11 rookies wash out on this day. ELEVEN. He hasn't cared if his rookies have washed out 11 times. Then Lucy Chen walked into his life. Disrupted his life in the best way.

With her incredibly driven sunshine ways he REFUSES to let her be his 12th. Does everything in his ability to keep her from being fired. They have a lot of lovely moments in this episode ranging from messing with her to fiercely protecting her from that tool-bag trying to take her job. The scene outside the captain's office where he has to re-write her eval gah so very good. Overall just an amazing episode of moments and growth for them as characters and as a ship. Another step towards their rock-solid bond.

2. 1x20 Free Fall

What's not to love about this finale? It's the culmination of everything they've been through to this point in the season. We watch how Tim instantly protects Lucy from being infected. At first he's in control of the situation (or so he thinks..) Trying to keep Lucy calm while on the inside he is panicking. Attempting to keep up his tough T.O. act with her. Determined to show Lucy he's bulletproof no matter the situation. That quickly begins the devolve the longer he is in that room.

The more he has to deal with this disease alone the worse it gets. We get a front row seat into protective Lucy. The way she is losing it for Tim on the outside. Doing anything and everything to get him out of there. This is the first time we get to see Tim trust Lucy emotionally and not hesitate. Not only that but so openly. She has been knocking on the door of this all season.

The scene above is her reward for all that work. The role reversal that happens here is wonderful. Where Lucy becomes the rock. The one to comfort him while Tim is battling with his dark thoughts of suicide if this goes sideways. Trusting her enough to tell her such deep thoughts. Lucy guiding him through those emotions best she can. It's a fantastic way to end the season for them. Lots of earned moments in this one.

3. 1x11 Redwood

Our first Iconic OTP Line Episode. This is where we start to see Tim soften for Lucy. Those sharp edges dulling a bit. We get to watch how he knows exactly how to calm her when she is in a panic. Tim commands this entire episode for her. Distracting her from the moment that needle goes in to chewing out the nurse for not prioritizing her. It was our first glimpse into protective Tim and I was here for it. Excellent introduction to this side of him regarding Lucy. Does the Tim Bradford special where he tells her like it is while showing empathy.

The first time we get to see him care truly care and let her know that he's there. Has her back in a way no one really has before. Lucy is watching her career go down the drain in her eyes. Changing her life forever and is in panic city. Tim doesn't let her be a resident there for very long. This ep showcases how amazing he is at his job and how good Tim is with Lucy. Knows exactly what to do in order to keep her sane.

He spends his entire day distracting her and showing empathy in the process. Ultimately stopping her from going off the razor's edge. It's these moments she has with Tim that shift her POV of him. Why she fights for him like she does. Lucy knows the good heart this man has. That he cares about her as person. That she is more than just his rookie. It's so very good. Producing the line above. *sigh*

4. 1x07 The Ride Along

These early episode are what I like to call building block eps. The foundation that is laid in these are so important. It's Lucy showing up for Tim when he needs it most. Their relationship is in its infancy in these episodes. Being molded into what we see in the finale and honestly the future. Lucy noticing a serious wrong (Isabel taking advantage of Tim's deep loyalty) Not only noticing but not letting him throw his life/career away for it. The line above is EVERYTHING. She refuses to let Tim cross an ocean and compromise his soul for someone who wouldn't cross a puddle for him. The bravery it took for her take a stand I'll always commend her for. How scary it must've been for her to confront him like this. When he was still in his radioactive insanely damaged phase. Tim already meant more to her at this point than she expected. She couldn't stand back and watch him self-destruct for someone who didn't deserve it. Tim is not even close to being used to someone showing up for him like this at this point. It's so very foreign to him.

Not only that but someone putting him in place and knocking sense back into him. Something he comes to learn and love about Lucy. Becomes the fabric of their dynamic really. In the moment he's so angry with her but long term forever grateful she stepped in like she did. That crack in his wall starting to grow a little more. A defining moment for them early on in this season. They had me hook line and sinker after this. I was already low-key shipping them but this added to it.

5. 1x03 The Good The Bad and the Ugly

Another building block episode. A crucial one for them really. I love how their early episodes set them up beautifully for the rest of the season. If not for these episodes you wouldn't see how wonderful the growth is for them both. The episodes that'll be in my honorable mentions are the fruit of these. Because without seeing where they came from how could we deeply appreciate how far they've come? Tim is imploding at a high velocity in this episode. Doesn't care about the collateral damage either. At this point that damage radius includes Lucy.

We truly see Tim as his very worst in the beginning. The beautiful thing is Lucy see's past his hurt into who he is as a person. He is worth getting through to. Also she also see's he is a god damn dumpster fire. One that if she doesn't put him out he's going to take her down with him. You know Tim respects the hell out of her for the scene above. (Not in the moment but in the long term of it all.)

For standing up to him and showing him how selfish he was being. It's what earns her that wonderful scene in the shop afterwards. Where he opens up and tells her about Isabel and a little bit of their history. His way of thanking her for getting his head on straight. Their early stuff is so raw but so good. They're learning how to function together. Usually one of them leading the other more depending on the situation. Start of their wonderful dynamic.

~~~

Honorable mentions-Ones I wanted to include cause they're amazing but can only gif the top 5 and one mention ha So it'll be my top ten for each season. They have so many good eps.

1x18 Home Front

So much to love about this one. Lucy busting his chops the entire ep. Get our first glimpse into their playful work flirts. Her challenging him on his personal life and not work for the first time. Standing her ground in that opinion. Like she does best with him. Telling Tim he needs something other than work. Naturally is defensive at first and eventually caves in. It results in the cute paintball moment above we all know and love.

1x19-Checklist-We get another glimpse into what Tim is willing to do to keep Lucy from washing out. I love this episode and how we start to see Tim trust in her decision making skills. Like the woman with the swapped plates. She lets her go and it ends up working out for her. The final scene is the best where he logs OT for her to continue on in the program. Lucy feeling so supported with this gesture. *heart clutch* So good.

1x16 Green light- Our first look into how protective Lucy can be about Tim. Their rank be damned in her opinion. The way she protects and defends him to Detective Murphy is glorious. Not caring she's her superior officer. She is kicking him when he is already down and Lucy won't stand for it. Then Tim returns the favor when she's upset about catching Cole. ‘Grief is grief. It’s a hole that can’t be filled. But over time, it’ll shrink enough so that you won’t fall in every time you take a step.’ His growth in this line is amazing to watch unfold. How he has grown since his whole debacle with Isabel.

1x15-Man Hunt.- We see some more fruit of Lucy's impact on Tim. Him wanting to do more with his career. He decides to go for Sergeant and we all know she is part of that reason. Also we get a glimpse into Tim and his rookie days through Deacon and his 54 connection. Lucy is delighted to get a birds eye view to his past. It's the scene where they're defending the escaped prisoner that's the best. Saying how he refuses to do something he will be ashamed in the light of day. This moment being proof Lucy's impact on him from 1x07. Its beautifully full circle.

1x01 Pilot-Gotta include the pilot. It's what set the table for them. "Officer Bradford gets our hot shot." He sure does. Getting a look into them as characters and where they start off from. It's what hooked me to this show to begin with. Other than just my love for Eric and Nathan at the time lol I saw deep characters with so much potential and I've been hooked ever since.

~~~

Season 2. Has an unreal amount of good eps for them did my best to keep it to ten.

2x11 Day of Death

Naturally this iconic episode is my favorite of S2. How could it not be? This is a massively seminal moment in their history. It's where they go from border-line friends to bonded in a way no one else will ever understand. We watch Lucy fight tooth and nail to stay alive. She is so resilient because she knows Tim is on his way. He won't let her die. Won't Let Caleb win. Her immense amount of faith is beautiful. Knowing that he will get to her in time. Not a doubt in her mind.

We watch Tim race against the clock to rescue her. The pressure and anxiety mounting through out the entire episode for him. Like a weight on his soul he refuses to put down until she is back. We get to witness how much Tim has come to care about Lucy. See the depth's he will go to get her back safely. Also get to see a darker side to him. Which I wasn't totally opposed to seeing in order to get to her. (and wouldn't mind seeing again. tbh) 'Today is your day of reckoning. I am responsible for a life that is in jeopardy, and I will do whatever I have to, to save her.' *fans self* That man is on edge from the moment she goes missing till she is in his arms above.

First actual relaxing breath he takes the entire ep. You see how his body slumps against her in relief as he holds her. How deeply worried he was and won't let her out of his sight afterwards. We all know that man slept at the hospital all night and didn't take his eyes off her until she woke up. To make sure he was the first face she saw. That final scene in the hospital a beautiful look into the deep bond they've formed at this point. I love them sfm. Where we get our next Iconic OTP Line. 'You know me so well. Too Well.' Amongst a flurry of heart eyes and emotions.

2. 2x12 Now and Then

What I love the most about this episode is how Tim steps back. Let's her get taken care of by someone other than himself. Control Freak Tim Bradford hands the reins over. Because her recovering is more important than his ego. The growth I can not. He see's a blind spot within himself that he can not help out with. So he heeds Nyla's words when she approaches him about taking her on. He watches anxiously from afar wanting not to over step the entire episode.

Lucy is hurt he doesn't let her ride with him right away. She is confused and her emotions are all over the place in this episode. Rightfully so. We get to see once again how much Tim cares about her. The way he's asking everyone around her how she is. Even asks Nolan how she is really doing. You know that was hard for him to do. We get to the end of the episode and this glorious scene above. Tim sharing a piece of his past to heal her present.

You can tell he so desperately wants to take on some of her pain. That if he could he would. Still shouldering the weight of her being taken being on him. Trying to give her some hard won perspective. This is his way of saying he's so proud of her, he misses her, hoping him sharing his past brings her back to him. Brings Lucy back to being his sunshine human. Not the angry resentful one he see's in front of him. It's a beautiful scene for the both of them. The sweet smiles when he tosses back the ring. My damn heart.

3. 2x13 Follow Up Day

Another Iconic moment in S2. This season is full of them. Ground breaking moments that drive them forward as a ship. He's passed his Sergeants exam. Hooray. Lucy is SO DAMN PROUD when they get the news. It's the thing he's been working toward since the beginning of S2. He's offered a Hollywood post. One that he can have quickly. A prominent position for him right out the gate and yet he hesitates. Why you ask? Well he's a little too attached to his current rookie that he pretends he isn't attached to. (While dating her best friend might I add. Something I would forget regularly in this season)

Lucy reminds him why he wants to stay around and not leave yet. She challenges him, supports him and believes in Tim in a way he's never had before. Has unwavering faith in him. He says he's not done training her yet. When really he's not ready to let go of the influence she's had on his life. Heart eyes galore. She is more important than moving up atm. I love it.

4. 2x02 The Night General

The beginning of Tim's quest to study for being a Sergeant. It starts off as Tim torturing Lucy with reading his out of print book to him. What starts out as him enjoying making her read it turns into so much more. Lucy quickly turns it around on him. Because well Lucy. Decides on specific segments to have him recite back. Quickly annoying him and he loses this game fairly quickly. It's during this studying we find out Tim learns a certain way. That he must be in motion to absorb the material. (Me too love) He doesn't take this news in stride very well because it's Tim.

Lucy goes above and beyond to apologize for upsetting him. She spends what I assume is any free time between shifts recording the book for him. Not only does she do this she reassures him that it's ok to learn this way. There is no shame in it even compliments him because of it. Telling him its why he excels at being a cop. I

I just adore this moment so much because she builds him up and encourages him. Never once letting him feel shame for how he learns. Lucy taking care of him in ways Tim can't even comprehend atm. He is overwhelmed by her support and empathy. Can only muster a really loaded 'Thanks.' Such a lovely building block for them. Also welcome to the sweaty gun show above *fans self*

5. 2x08 Clean Cut

Ahh the protective Lucy episode. We get to see how far Tim will go for Lucy in this season. The audience also gets to see how far Lucy is willing to go to protect and defend Tim. Just like in 1x16 she charges head long at a superior to defend Tim. Refusing to let anyone sully his name or character. From the moment their shop hits that woman's car she goes into 'Protect Tim mode.' at all costs.

Hell raining down on anyone who gets in the way of her clearing his name. Eating anyone trying to stop her from righting this wrong she KNOWS is a wrong against him. Tim is so defeated and resigned after it happens. He's not going to defend himself so Lucy takes it on herself to do this. The ferocity is noticed by Tim. Why he lets her lead the questioning against the shady BF.

Lucy breathes life back into him that they could overturn this. That unshakeable faith she has in him. Refusing to let him give up on himself. It's the way she builds him up and won't let him think any less of himself I adore so much. After it's reversed and he gets his award she's a proud wifey. Even throwing back his own words at him when he thanks her. Eyes full of love. It's fantastic full circle moment for them.

~~~

Honorable Mentions

2x19-Q Word

As I've said earlier S2 is chock full of goodies. Tim learning the place he still holds in Lucy's life. He is her GO TO. A place he thought he had lost in 2x11. He gave up having that spot in her life because he no longer felt worthy of it. That he was given his shot and he blew it. Lucy not for one damn second thought he forfeited that. She was more upset he wasn't engaging with her about this than anything else.

Lucy does her best to relieve him of his burden. Of the guilt he continues to feel. To let him know it was NOT his fault. That his opinion is one of most value to her. The very opposite of what Tim thought of his place in her world. It's a good episode. One of the best parts above. Lucy applying some salve to his guilty soul.

2x06 Fallout

Lots to love in this ep. Tim trying and failing at 'being nice' to Lucy while she goes through her emotions about her ex. To him tapping into his actual soft side for her. The genuine side. Them facing a bomb threat and Lucy getting to unleash all her anger about her ex's wedding Such a good scene.. With a little of Lucy throwing his words back like no one else can. Lastly ending with them deciding to spend their last moments on earth together drinking booze. Damn good ep.

2x10-The Dark Side

Ahhh the pre-DOD episode. Where Tim spends the entire episode being over protective of Lucy and not sure why he is. All he knows is he doesn't like this guy sniffing around her. His cop gut screaming at him with a mixture of jealously and actual worry. The whole episode is one giant foreshadowing for the following episode.

2x14 Casualties

Tim background eps are always my jam. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this man and learning of his history. Getting a little look into his life in the service with Mitch. Also the intro of their fur-baby Kojo and how very unready Lucy is to care for him. We get our next Iconic OTP line 'Some things matter more.' A moment which is such a prominent scene for them. Good precursor to the moment they share in 2x19 as well.

2x01 impact

The premiere got some real good stuff. We see how Tim reacts so very poorly to Lucy protecting him. Regressing them both with his flour bomb moment. HIs anger coming out in everything he does with her in this episode. Lucy taking it at first then reaches her boiling point towards the end. Basically hands him his ass in a way only Lucy Chen can. It's glorious. Turns him around so much he brags on her to Grey later on about her jump after a suspect. 'Of course she did. I trained her.'

~~~

Season 3

3x09 Amber

Ahh my fav ep of the season. This episode has so many good moments. Lucy with her list for a 'healthy parting.' How she is determined to make her last day a big deal with Tim. Where as Tim is also determined, just in the opposite direction. Because if he talks about it he's going to have to face her leaving. Which we all know he does not want to do. Fights her on it most of the episode. Until something serious happens. Then Tim finally gives in to distract Lucy from the stressful baby scenario they're currently in.

Takes care of her by letting her do the bloody list he's trying to avoid. They have a lovely moment of reminiscing over Plain Clothes Day. How far Lucy has come since that moment. The amount of confidence she had gained. Learning to trust her instincts fully. Something Tim saw in her day one and wanted her to hone in on. Lucy then brings up UC and Tim saying she doesn't have what it takes. it leads into the most iconic moment of the episode. Where she "pretends" to have feelings for Tim.

Sending Tim into an ABSOLUTE panic till she can't take it anymore and breaks into pure laughter. Wounding his pride severely in the process of proving her point. We get two epic moments in this episode. The parking garage scene is lovely. A culmination of the last year of so. How far they've both come. His last eval being one that brings them full circle. Lucy's flour bomb finishing off the nostalgia. The heart eyes galore in this scene and its topped off with them calling each other by their first names. Starting a new chapter with this wonderful moment.

2. 3x14 Threshold

I LOVE this episode so much. It's why it's number 2. This episode is the culmination of Lucy's fast track UC training with Harper. Lucy chomping at the bit to prove herself. A VERY anxious Tim observing from the outside. The flirty flirt we get in the car makes me squee every time. Little bit of Tim and Lucy truly coming out in that moment. The touching is everything as she communicates silently with him about what's going on.

Then we get this moment above. Where they are blatantly flirting and checking each other out. Especially Tim. Man could not be more transparent in his attraction to Lucy at this point. The elevator gaze before they even talk. *fans self* Shameless flirting, praise from Tim and to top it off Tim is the one to ask Lucy to save him a dance. I remember going out of my mind with excitement when I saw this episode. Look at them above. My god the UST in immense and I love it so very much.

3. 3x06 Revelations

The episode where Lucy begins her interest in UC. It's a ROUGH episode for Tim for a lot of reasons. From his PTSD about Isabel with Mack showing up to seeing Lucy put in harms way. We see the protective side come out fiercely in this one. He doesn't even try to tamp it down. Especially in front of others. i.e. the entire OP room LOL Tim battling past demons and losing terribly. Seeing his favorite human put at risk isn't sitting well with him. His panic at losing her or possibly getting hurt making him lose his mind.

Lucy just wanting him to be proud of her. For showing an interest outside of patrol. To be excited she got put on an OP because she kicked ass on the fly. Impressed Harper enough to green light her. His approval and opinion meaning the entire world to her. When he doesn't she is so very discouraged. That's what makes the moment above so important and amazing. Tim putting aside those demons and letting her have that approval and praise she earned ten times over. Because at the end of the day this OP was about her and not him. So he puts her first with the lovely moment above.

4. 3x11 New Blood

Where we see Lucy be utterly CONSUMED by jealously and insecurities. Tim gets his new rookie and Lucy is excited at first. Then see's Tim isn't treating her anywhere near how she was treated in the beginning. He's being nice, letting her drive, buying her coffee, being soft and empathetic. All things she had to drag out of him kicking and screaming. I've said this before but Tim was her first real 'puppy' with massive success. It was a lot of work though for her to have the relationship she has with him now.

Then this Katie Barnes comes in and gets it all in one shift. Lucy is losing her damn mind most of the ep. Watching from afar with massive jealously. Poor Jackson has to listen to it most of his shift LOL Comes with the bestie territory though. By the end of the episode she see's Tim filling out her paperwork and lets Tim have it. What I love is he doesn't get mad at her for it.

Doesn't reprimand her just quell's her insecurities. Explaining why he was training Barnes the way he was. Then seals the scene with the lovely line above. Lucy is absolutely beaming when he walks away. Full of so much joy and happiness she can't contain herself. He thinks she is one of the best rookie's he's trained and lets her know it. Saying maybe one day Katie could be as good as her. *sigh* So good.

5. 3x01 Consequences

Their first marriage episode of the season. Where Lucy is on Tim like white on rice. Her confidence and self esteem shines through out this season and this is the starter episode of it all. The way they go through Nolan's house together is fantastic. She challenges Tim the entire time with her own cop gut. It's so fun to watch the back and forth.

They go from cute banter to Tim being a fierce protector when they have to go see Rosalind. Tim tries to prevent her from going in. Wanting to shield her from this monster. Lucy refuses says she can handle it. Rosalind just see's someone she can play with. Tim attempts to hold back. Not interfere and tries to keep Lucy steady. Then loses it when she taunts Lucy with her barrel song. The official title of 'Fierce protector.' is born in this moment. Such a good episode for them beginning to end.

~~~

Honorable Mentions

3x02 In-Justice

I adore this ep because it is one giant flirting session. The scene above alone is proof of that. Tim just sitting back and enjoying the Lucy show. Setting up a game he knows she is going to absolutely crush. (and does) They're legit flirting in front of their call for like two minutes before they disengage and Lucy works her magic. Also we get to see how soft Tim is for Lucy and gone for her with her car. Telling her to get over until Caleb PTSD in brought into the picture. It's then he caves instantly. Also the introduction of their pseudo daughter Tamara. Lucy's 'puppy.'

3x04-Sabotage

The fruit of the last couple eps coming to fruition. Lucy having Tim revisit something he did on her first shift. Confronting him about how he treated those gardeners. Not only that but the impact he had on them through his actions. This brings Tim's defenses immediately up and he snaps at her. Trying to defend his actions because he is feeling defensive. He does a poor job of it and shuts down completely. Reason being he's ashamed of who he was then and Lucy bringing it up hurts in a way he wasn't expecting.

We get to see our boy go through some serious growth. MASSIVE growth really. I could not be prouder of him for it. For not shutting down for the rest of the day. Letting Lucy know he was wrong and what he can do so it never happens again. Love this ep for the Tim growth, Lucy calling him out and letting him know how proud she is of him. It's such a good moment/ep for them.

3x07 True Crime

I personally LOVE the documentary episodes so much. The reason being their banter is the best part. Their chemistry is on full display for all to see. Lucy owns Tim's ass in this one. Shoots down all his cocky comments. He is also all heart eyes whenever she isn't crushing him with her words ahha. Light hearted fun ep for them.

3x08 Bad Blood

Good ep for Tim telling her like it is when he's trying to avoid it like the plague haha Emmett breaking up with her over text. Lucy doesn't handle it well. She self destructs till Tim does what he does best and gives her some solid perspective. Helping her finally solve the 'Why' behind her break up.

3x05 Lockdown

Tim and Lucy being a united front against Doug is the absolute best. How Tim comes tearing into the station after Stanton and Lucy has to stop him. Then Stanton is an extra ass and Tim then has to prevent Lucy from hurting him. The way they have each other's backs always gets to me. They spend the entire episode this kick ass duo determined to protect Jackson. I love it sfm.

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Season 4 another super hard one for me but top ten helped.

4x09 Breakdown

I'm sure some of you thought I would choose 4x22. It follows this one pretty closely but I ADORE this episode. It's my favorite for so many reasons. Lucy has a day off and how does she spend it? With Tim and his sister redoing his childhood home. Totally normal 'Friend' status there. Nothing soulmate level about that at all....Then they spend the episode chasing down his father's sordid past. This is due to a gun they find in the wall. Not only that but how heavily Tim leans on Lucy during the process.

Let's her take the lead and trusts her to handle portions of it for him. Like interrogating his dad's former mistress. Then we get this GLORIOUS scene above. Hands down my favorite hug of their's. Tim confronting his father and walking out feeling nuclear in his emotions. He is radioactive from that interaction and so very hurt. He explains what his father did to Lucy. He's so disgusted and hurt.

Then he is NEEDING Lucy to know he isn't his father. That the Tim tests don't make him like his dad. He is on the verge of tears as he says this to her. The most vulnerable we have ever seen Tim in general but especially with her. Lucy jumping into action and gathering him up in her arms. Comforting him, letting him know he is NOTHING like him. Tim sinks into the hug. Wraps himself entirely around her. Letting her hold him up emotionally. It's here we see the last of his wall crumble to the ground never to be rebuilt again. This was the ep I knew we were headed towards them getting together. All time fav ep.

2. 4x22 Day in The Hole

So much to love in this episode. From their daughter getting her ‘first’ car to finding Tim's bizzaro world double 'Dim' LOL Also the introduction of Juicy aha It's so good I can not. Lucy getting beyond excited to get Tim all dressed up for his UC mission. Especially with the tattoo's. Then when Juicy gets involved so does Lucy. It's AU Tim and Lucy and I was dying. Lucy breaks his brain in more ways than one above. The way she stuns him with her UC background for their characters LMAO He stumbles on his words and shifts like his pants are getting little tight for him heh. They haven't even kissed yet.

It will forever crack me up his reaction. Also the hilarious lead up to the kiss. How nervous and awkward they are. 'Well that's romantic....I wasn't trying to be romantic.' LMFAO. Clearly Timothy.... Eric and Melissa's chemistry on full display in this moment. Then the way Lucy just grabs his face and the kiss above happens. How they instantly melt into each other. Like why haven't we been doing this the entire time? You can see Tim ready to seriously deepen the kiss above. The pre-tongue action going on. Hot damn. I remember having to rewind it making sure what I was seeing was real.

The hilarity that ensures when Tamara walks in is so so funny. Never not cackle at this. Lucy's 'Oh!' and Tim is stumbling over himself to get out of there. Makes me laugh just writing it. The awkward 'Good jobs' and pointing. I'm dying. Tim's epiphany in the hallway is the best. Can no longer run from how he feels anymore. That kiss unlocking why he's felt the way he does. The awkward way they interact at the station. Both hiding in their vehicles waiting to find the courage to come out. Gah such a good finale leading to an incredible season 5.

3. 4x12 The Knock

Another episode on the road to them ending up together. They are at soulmate level territory in the scene above alone. The entire episode is fantastic. 'Personal space I don't know her' is the theme of this episode for them. From this 'date' to their case. Where Tim lets her take the lead. They're right on top of each other in that hallway scene when Tim is asking her POV on what they should do.

The beach date is one of the best parts. I don't know how both Ashley and Chris didn't just get up and leave. It's so obvious Tim and Lucy are the ones on a date. Chris and Ashley just happen to be there. The way they flirt the entire time, the inside jokes, the way they know each other so deeply. Their intimate connection on full display.

It's the lack of space I adore so much. That magnetic pull of their's. Never be over Gerald the goat. The way they lovingly stare at each other after he's told the story. The only ones laughing are them. To think either of them (Chris and Ashley) actually thought they had a chance against their bond. Such fools. I would've been highly threatened after that display. Something so intimate about knowing someone on an emotional level like they do. Height of their soulmate moments in this one.

4. 4x18-Backstabbers

Gah this episode be still my damn shipper heart. Lucy getting annoyed she isn't getting any recognition as Tim's aide. Naturally at first Tim pushes against it. Gives her crap for asking for it. Little bit of Old school Tim coming out in this scenario. But we see by the end of the episode him cracking for her. Like he always does. Tim cashing in on the dance he owed her from 3x14. How these two don't know they're in love at this point I couldn't tell you. Blows my damn mind.

The fact that he gives up recognition for her to have it. To further her career and telling her he wants her to be successful? Gah not to mention the heart eyes in this moment. Lucy is beaming brightly like a Christmas tree at this gesture. Tim is so so gone for her by this point it's oozing out of him. If you watched these two above with no context you'd think they were together. Everything about them says how in love they are. The entire scene is one giant I love you/in love with you moment. Tim I don't do weddings Bradford tearing up the dance floor with his girl. Gah I can not.

5. 4x01-Life and Death

The premiere is so very very good. Tim offering her a safe space the moment they get some time alone. Especially after hearing how heartbroken she is. How she can't go back to her apt without Jackson right now. The way he gives her a safe place to crash land into. I love it sfm. Then we get the gloriously intimate and beautiful hug above. The one that sparks the flame between them. One they've been trying to keep at a low flame roaring into an inferno. Their emotions and closeness ramping it up to a level neither is ready for.

The chemistry in this moment is out of this world good. Both being smacked in the face with the growing UST between them. Lucy going for it but it being shot down by Wesley's call. Gah such a good way to start an amazing season. Then Lucy spends the rest of the episode worrying about him from the other side of the world. Letting him know that worry until he makes it back. Such a good premiere.

Honorable Mentions

4x07 Fire Fight

This scene alone is why it's my first honorable mention. Phew lord. The fiery UST in this scene. HOT DAMN. The brazen way they're both looking at each other. This is totally platonic friendship right here....The intense gaze gets me in my shipper feels. Then Tim gets his wits about him a bit before sassing her. Telling her the mic is too high. Her ripping it right off and his face LOL They're so married it kills me. I do love the way she bosses him around in this scene and afterwards when he's in the car. She's projecting jealously entire time.

4x06 Poetic Justice

Oh you know just another episode where all they do is compete and flirt. Not caring about anyone else around them while they do so. Because they can't handle their emotions yet. So they intensely channel it into flirting and competitive things instead. I love these idiots so much.

4x08 -Hit and Run

I LOVE this episode for the Tim background alone. We get the introduction of his sister Genny. Who I love sfm. Lucy of course eats up her being there. She THRIVES on any morsel of info she can get on his background. Lucy is enjoying herself till his dark childhood is brought up. His sister is there to sell their childhood home and he doesn't want to be apart of it. ""Wha-what do you want? Some other family to just cuddle up under the broken plaster where dad slammed my head against the wall?" Ugh my heart. My boy. But it's such a good episode in full for Tim. Also for Lucy getting to meet his sister.

4x14-The Long Shot

This is a great episode for Lucy. We get to see more about her background as well. Finally finding out why her mother is the way she is with her. Her deep digging revealing her father isn't her real father. How much she struggles in this episode emotionally. We get to see how natural it is for Tim to be there for her. Not an ounce of fight left in him to stay out of her personal life. This is just part of who they are now and it's such growth I can not stand it.

4x16-Real Crime

Another gem for the documentary series. If you think they were married in this last one they double down on this one. The amount of cuteness, sass and marriage moments is primo in this one. 'Can I be interviewed alone?' LMAO The epitome of Grumpy x Sunshine. Lucy having the time of her life while Tim is a grumpsaurous. Their dynamic gives me life haha I adore this entire episode for them.

S5 I adore all it's own. If you want a ranking from 1-22 I can do that but I can not choose. Hurts me too much to do that LOL but here are my picks for 1-4. Once again thank you for being so patient on my reply. This was a hefty ask to answer thank you for asking me :) I hope you enjoy the answer.

#chenford #inbox #asked and answered #xiaozhen16 #top episodes #s1 #s2 #s3 #s4 #the rookie #tim x lucy #lucy x tim #otp: doing my job #lucy chen #tim bradford #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tim bradford x lucy chen #otp: you know me so well. too well. #otp: some things matter more #otp: you did good #the rookie s1 #the rookie s2 #the rookie s3 #the rookie s4 #the rookie 1x14 #the rookie 1x20 #the rookie 1x11 #the rookie 1x07 #the rookie 1x18

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Sylki Pie Room Analysis (Loki 2x4 Spoilers)

I have to talk about the pie room scene between Sylvie and Loki in 2x4, because I can't tell you how much I loved that scene between them and I have thoughts, so many thoughts.

Obviously these are all just my own opinions and interpretation of the scene, I'm not here to tell anyone else how they should interpret it themselves, just sharing my own thoughts.

What I love about this scene is how it shows just how much Loki has grown over the course of the Loki series. But I also love what it says about Sylvie's character development, which is just as important. I'm going to break this up into sections to hopefully make it a little easier to follow.

Doing What's Hard.

I want to start with the part where Sylvie confesses that she couldn't kill Victor and why she couldn't kill him, because this was really interesting to me. If we remember back to 1x6 when Sylvie is about to kill He Who Remains, she asks him if he is going to beg for his life. In that moment it seemed to me almost like she wanted him to beg, she wanted to see his fear, for him to be afraid of her. I think this is because of the fear she felt constantly being hunted by the TVA, she felt afraid for so long and that was because of He Who Remains. So now she wants him to feel that same fear, to know what he put her through for all those years. It really reminds me of what Loki says to Mobius in ep 1 about not enjoying hurting people but doing it because he felt he had to in order to keep up the illusion, the trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear, or as Mobius puts it, a desperate play for control. In that moment Sylvie wanted control over He Who Remains.

It's interesting then that when she comes face to face with his variant, its Victor's fear that stops her from killing him. Because in that moment seeing his fear, seeing him talk about how he isn't He Who Remains, hasn't made the same choices as HWR and can make his own choices, reminds Sylvie so much of herself and how if she did kill Victor she wouldn't be any better than HWR. But I also think seeing Victor's fear reminded her that he was human. To her HWR was the monster who had destroyed her home, killing her family and people and who hunted her down her whole life. The fact that he didn't show any fear only cemented that image in her head. But Victor was afraid, he was human.

Yet in this moment we can see that Sylvie is doubting her decision to spare him, she thinks it makes her weak, which I think is why Loki tells her the story about Thor and how Loki mocked him for being 'soft' when he returned to Asgard. I think he tells her this story to show her that he understands how she feels because he too used to think that being 'soft', showing mercy, caring and trusting in others, is a weakness. We know Sylvie feels like being these things is a weakness because she says, 'soft gets you killed.' She has had to harden up over the eons she's been hunted in order to survive, so it makes sense that she thinks this way.

After she says this Loki reassures her by reminding her that by sparing Victor she also saved the remaining branches and all the lives exsisting on them. What I love about this moment is that Sylvie doesn't need to say that she feels weak for sparing Victor, Loki just knows that is how she is feeling and also knows just what to say to get through to her, he's basically telling her, you're not soft, or weak, you did a hard thing and spared more than just Victor's life in the process.

The next moment I want to talk about comes directing after this one. Realising how much faith Loki is putting in OB, Casey and Victor, Sylvie looks confused. She seems to be figuring out why Loki would trust them. I don't think she is judging him for his faith though, I think she is trying to understand it. The TVA has, needless to say, traumatised Sylvie and hurt her deeply. But the thing that helped Sylvie and Loki bond in season 1 was that the TVA had also hurt Loki, it was their mission to bring down this organisation that had ruined both their lives that brought them together. Sylvie is really struggling to trust the TVA and so she wants to understand why Loki does. She reminds him about Dox, and how those billion of lives lost were the fault of the TVA. Again this makes sense because in ep 2 Loki told her that the TVA was the only defence for the branches and yet it was a member of the TVA that pruned them, which only deepened Sylvie's mistrust of the TVA. She believes its too corrupt to fix.

But once again Loki knows exactly what to say, pointing out that there are branches that still survive and that is because of Mobius, B-15, OB and Casey who are all part of the same TVA but who are fighting to protect those lives.

I really enjoyed the push and pull between them both in this scene and how it leads into the conversation about burning things down being easy and that trying to fix what's broken is hard, hope is hard. I loved that part of their conversation. You can see that it really does get Sylvie thinking, that she's listening to Loki and actually taking in his words and considering them.

But she still has a lot of mistrust that has to be worked through. Hope is a very foreign concept to her and again that comes down to her past, if she had relied on hope in the past she never would have survived. She survived by relying on herself. So this idea of giving up control and instead relying on hope, relying on others, is very scary to her, its hard for her. But she is still willing to hear Loki out and so she asks about what they are going to do with Victor, are they really going to show him all of this then just send him home. But I do think Sylvie gets a little triggered by Loki's response of we can watch him and protect him as she sees this as 'interfering for good'. It's too close in her eyes to what the TVA was doing before. Always watching and always guarding, controlling how others live their lives.

It's interesting to me that at this moment Loki gets frustrated with her, up until now he's been calm and collected and responded to her viewpoint reasonably. But it's here that he gets frustrated, his tone gets a little more heated and he also looks and moves away from her. I do think there is a reason why he gets frustrated at this particular moment, but I am going to talk about that a little bit later on.

Loki is of the view that you can't just give people freewill and walk away, that it doesn't work that way. In an idealistic world maybe, but in the real world its not that simple or easy. I think some of Loki's frustration comes from the fact that Sylvie was the one that caused the branches to be freed, she is the one that wants the branches to be protected and says she cares about the lives on those branches, yet whenever he asks for help she seems reluctant to help, it seems to him like she just wants to walk away from the responsibility, from doing the hard part.

But I don't necessarily think that is true, I don't think she wants to walk away because its too hard, I just don't think she trusts the TVA, she is struggling to see the TVA as the solution and as this protector like Loki does.

We Are Gods

As I said above one of the great things about this whole scene is the way it shows just how far Loki has come and how much he has grown as a character. I think one of the things that shows just how much he has changed is the conversation they have about how they have to do better, to be better than HWR. Sylvie points out that no matter what they do they'll be playing god to which Loki replies, we are gods.

What is so significant about this line is that if 2012 Loki had said it he would have meant it boastfully, as if being a god made him surperior and better than everyone else. As if being a god gave him the right to rule over and dictate the lives of those who he considered beneath him. But this Loki doesn't mean it like that. He lets out this resigned sigh right before he says the line, because now he really understands what it means to be a god, to be a king. It's not about power or recognition, its about responsibilty, its about protecting others, looking out for them and often doing it thanklessly. It about having the responsibility of making those really hard choices, of being the ones to solve the problem, of having the responsibilty of carrying the burden for those who can't. This was something that 2012 Loki didn't understand but that our Loki has come to learn and I just love that growth.

But this concept of gods and the role they play also tells us alot about Sylvie and her character. We can see that she looks genuinely distressed at the idea of them 'playing god.' I think this is because of the way she sees the role of a god and its similar to how Loki used to think. She thinks a god is someone who ruthlessly rules over others, who dictates and controls their lives, who makes up their own rules and enforces them when people don't live within the constraints they've created for them. She sees it this way because its what HWR did to her, dictated her life, claimed to have written it all out for her and then tried to erase her when she didn't follow the path he had set out for her. Although I don't think He Who Remains was a god it was very much a role he played into. Sylvie is just so desperate to not be like HWR that I don't think she really knows what to do with herself, it seems to me like she is just second guessing every decision and as a result she isn't really doing anything, she's struggling to make any decision at all. This could be because of her decision to kill HWR. In the moment she was so sure that she was making the correct choice, that freeing the timelines was the right thing to do, but since then the problem with the loom has come up, threatening those very timelines she wanted to free, a variant of HWR showed up just as HWR warned them and I think that has lead to Sylvie just having alot of self doubt that she doesn't want to face, so instead she's just kind of burying her head in the sand so that she doesn't get overwhelmed by the guilt of thinking this is all her fault because she 'played god' when she killed HWR and its created a whole load more problems.

There is another really interesting way that they showed the difference in Loki and Sylvie's journey in this scene though. Though I could just be looking into this way too much but it was something I noticed and that is the, I think they call it blocking, of the scene. The positioning of the characters and the way they move.

When Loki first comes into the room, where Sylvie already is, he actually moves away from her, over to one side of the room, but then turns to face her. What is interesting is that as he moves away from her, she actually follows him but stops in the centre of the room. It creates this idea that they are both mirroring each other, that she is following him, but they don't quite meet just yet.

Loki actually moves several times during this scene, whilst Sylvie stays fixed on that one spot. I think this is meant to show how Loki has gone on a journey and changed, he hasn't stayed in the same place he was at at the beginning of season 1, whereas Sylvie is currently stuck in one spot and still at the start of her journey.

The first time Loki moves is right after Sylvie talks about his faith in OB and Casey and as he brings up how Mobius, B-15 and the guys are protecting the timelines. I think its significant that he moves at this moment as it represents the first step or milestone in his journey, the moment he learnt to trust, to put his faith in others and to come to care for others.

He moves again when he tells Sylvie that you can't give people free will and then just walk away and when he talks about needing to do better and protect the timelines. Again I think this shows the progression of his journey, now instead of playing the part of the villain, of wanting to control and rule over people, he is playing the part of the protector, he has literally bettered himself.

As a sidenote, something significant for Sylvie's character in this scene is that although she is stuck on that one spot, she shifts as Loki moves to keep herself facing him, so its like she is following his journey which could be a hint that eventually Sylvie will reach the same place Loki has.

The final time he moves is when he approaches Sylvie and then says the line 'we are gods.' I think there are a couple of things that are significant here. The first is that again this represents the final step in Loki's journey, him realising the true meaning of being a god and the responsibility that goes with it. The second is that he moves closer to Sylvie so that he is standing with her now. He brings them together, literally closing the distance between them. I also think this ties in with what I said just above about Sylvie eventually reaching the same place Loki has, in this moment they are standing in the same place. As the camera pans out we are shown them standing together as one unit. Which brings me to my next and final section.

All The Things They Didn't Say.

So ever since the citadel where Loki betrayed his promise to Sylvie when he didn't stand with her against HWR and Sylvie betrayed Loki's trust when she kicked him through the time door, these two have had this huge distance and barrier between them. They both feel betrayed by the other, they both feel hurt by the other and since then they've just continued to have disagreements with each other and haven't really spoken about their issues.

What I thought was interesting about the scene in the pie room is that although it could seem like they are having a disagreement like all the other times they've talked this season, its actually the first time they communicate openly and clearly with each other. I also think its the first time they really stop and listen to what the other person is actually saying and then explaining themselves in turn. Loki is listening to Sylvie's concerns and then reassuring her and explaining to her his way of thinking. Sylvie in turn is actually taking in Loki's point of view and making an effort to understand them and I think Loki really does give her some food for thought here. They aren't hurriedly screaming at each other whilst one of them tries to kill somebody and the other stands in their way, they aren't being interrupted with the news that an attack is going to be carried out on the branches. Despite the seriousness and urgency of the Loom's possible destruction, they are having a calm conversation. I personally love that progress.

But as I mentioned above there was one moment where Loki does get frustrated with Sylvie and he gets just a tad heated. I did promise I would come back to it and here is why I think it is significant that he gets frustrated at that moment. It is as he says the words 'walk away' that the frustration comes in and he himself actually moves further away from Sylvie and he turns away from her too, breaking their eye contact for a moment. I think the reason why he is upset is actually because he believes she walked away from him finding a new life on her branch where she is happy without him. He feels like she abandoned him just like he feels like she is abandoning the job of keeping the branches safe.

At the start of the scene Loki says that he asked for Sylvie's help but she walked away, her response is to point out no she didn't she was there, to which he counters only because she couldn't kill Victor. To me Loki seemed a bit bitter when he said this and it reminded me so much of the moment on the Ferris wheel when Sylvie asks if Loki cares about anything other than the TVA. In both these instances I think they both wanted the other to say that they were there for them, that they had shown up for them. The sad part is that actually I do think they did show up for the other person, because they wanted to know the other person was ok but they've been unable to communicate that to each other. So Sylvie is upset and hurt because she thinks Loki only came looking for her because he cared about the TVA and Loki is upset because he believes Sylvie only showed up because she couldn't kill Victor and still doesn't trust him and not because she actually wants to help or be near Loki.

I do think some parts of this conversation are acting as a film for what they really want to say to each other but can't seem to find the confidence to. There's alot of subtext here in my opinion.

One of those moments is Loki telling that story about Thor going soft. The part Loki left out was that the thing that made Thor change was meeting and falling in love with Jane. I think what Loki wants to say but doesn't here is that it wasn't just Mobius, B-15, Casey and OB that changed him, it was meeting and falling in love with her. He has grown because of her, his change began when he heard her story, when they worked together on Lamentis, when he for the first time began to care about someone other than himself, he just wanted her to be ok. She was such an instrumental part of his character growth, just like Jane was such a big part of Thor's growth and I like to think that the writers were drawing parallel between the two couples here.

There's also the part where Loki is talking about how fixing what's broken is hard. Again I think this has some relevance to their relationship. Like Loki is almost challenging her, that fixing their broken relationship is hard but just like fixing the TVA could make it into something better, something stronger, fixing their relationship could make it better, make them stronger. At the moment they are both taking the easy path of keeping those barriers between them up, because they trusted each other before, opened themselves up to another person for the first time and fell in love and in the end they both got hurt. So its easier to keep their distance and stay closed off from the other instead of trying to fix what's broken between them and potentially opening themselves up for more hurt.

Loki also says that hope is hard, but I do think that there is a little bit of hope for Sylki's relationship in this scene, its subtle but its there. And that little glimmer of hope comes when they are talking about having to do better and about playing god. They use two terms that I think are really important, 'we' and 'us'. Loki doesn't say I have to do better, or you have to do better, he says we have to better. Sylvie doesn't say you're playing god or I'm playing god but we are playing god. And again Loki doesn't say I am a god or you are a god but we are gods. Despite the distance between them, despite them struggling to get back to a place they were in their relationship before, they are talking about themselves as one unit. It's a discussion about what they are going to do together. This is actually a subtle shift from earlier in their conversation where Sylvie says what if you're wrong and what if I'm wrong or when she says you're going to show timely all this. Here she is talking about them as two separate units, which I think shows that shift in her thinking where she starts out seeing Loki and the TVA on one side together and her on the other at the start of the conversation, but come the end of it she is seeing her and Loki on the same side. I also think it adds more significance to that shot towards the end of the scene where they are both standing in the same spot, close together.

Anyway, as I said before it is possible that I am looking way too much into this, I have watched that scene more times than is healthy so. But I did really enjoy seeing Loki and Sylvie working together again in this episode, there were other little moments between them that I really loved. Like when Sylvie first shows up when they are talking to Victor Loki actually looks at her twice. He looks back when she first approaches, then back to Victor, but then you see him turn to look at Sylvie again like he just had to double check she was still there, which I don't know, I found it cute. Also when OB brings up Sylvie killing HWR Loki quickly looks over to her like he wants to check she's not upset, of course she's just looking smug about it. There were lots of little looks like that throughout the episode. Him making sure she was ok when she got stuck in the elevator was another cute moment. I also loved them shouting down the phone together at OB when he said he'd have to turn off the dampeners that prevent magic and watching them team up against brad. So I am really excited to see where they are going to take their relationship in the next couple of episodes.

I know some people are worried that they haven't got enough time to reunite them romantically and that it would seem too rushed, I personally am not too worried about that. I think I'd be more worried if they had never developed them romantically before but we've got season 1 as a foundation to build upon, is not like they have to develop a romance from scratch. Also they did a really good job of building alot of their romantic relationship in ep 3 and 4 of season 1 without it feeling rushed so I am choosing to have faith in the writing team that they can reunite them in a satisfying way in the last couple of episodes, as I do think they did make alot of headway in this episode in bringing them back together.

Anyway I have rambled on enough now, so this is where I am going to leave it. If you have read all the way to end, thank you for your time, I know this got long.

#sylki #loki x sylvie #loki series #loki #sylvie laufeydottir #loki season 2 spoilers

[mysticcollectionbee]

Loki Season 2 Ep. 1 Thoughts:

(Heavy Spoilers)

Ok so I have a lot of thoughts and are basically all over the place so I'm gonna be putting in them in somewhat chronological order (Unlike Loki's current situation hehe)

They really HAD to put more of Loki's heartbreak over Mobius not recognizing him? Loki creators probably: "I know we're gonna bring the duo back but let's make 'em suffer just a bit more in the beginning".

I know others have covered this but also want to spread this headcanon/theory: Even though past Mobius doesn't know Loki ,and probably got his memory erased afterwards, It's still an interesting theory that maybe his interactions with Loki then might have somehow stuck with him and made him want to look into Loki a bit later.

Miss Minutes is with Ravonna right? I feel likeMinutes is probably the only tool/weapon that might give the former judge some leverage.

Casey! Casey not just being a comedic guy but actually a massive help is really nice. He (Present Casey) immediately saw Loki in pain/trouble and decided to help him without much question.

So...X-5 and D-90 weren't what I was expecting, they're kinda switched actually from what I was expecting. I thought X-5 would be a friend to Mobius and kinda con-artist and D-90 was a massive jerk who would side with Ravonna...But hey, I'm all for D-90's redemption.

New Judge is great. Screw Ravonna!...Where's Ravonna?

Apparently she was in on HWR's plan from the beginning...Guess she is a big bad after all. Also, why was she so great to HWR? Like in the comics they were couple but things seem to have taken a different turn in the MCU.

Look, I get it if you don't ship Lokius but...You have to admit was really nice to see Loki get some support from Mobius (And B-15, don't forget her stopping Ass-5) and then Mobius trying to calm/ground Loki while the poor dude is really going through it. AND even later, Loki and Mobius trying to make the other calm down and not to worry about their problems.

IF you do ship Lokius. We're either getting fed well or being clowned upon. Either way, let me just enjoy these two for a bit.

Why has no one talked about the weird fact that O.B.'s memory doesn't seem to have been erased but Mobius' has? Also, is O.B. like a TVA secret? Why the hell is no one in the TVA visiting him! How is he able to keep track of time in the TVA?!

Ok so that guidebook O.B. made, Loki still has it right? Like in a trailer clip he is flipping through an orange book, that's the guidebook right?

I love how Mobius is still thinking about whether he'll lose his skin or not till the very last minute lol. We know he's always was gonna pick saving Loki no matter what, but you'd totally still be worried about the skin thing.

I think Loki was pruned by either Future Sylvie or Future Loki. I think Future Loki and Sylvie came up with a plan to make sure Present Loki got pruned and survived. Also...Sylvie growing out her hair to have 50/50 hair colors is making me more of Bi idiot than usual.

While I enjoy the comparison to the Sam/Bucky roll to Lokius I think there is a key difference: FaTWS played this for comedy while this was played for relief that the characters are ok. And Sam immediately told bucky to get off while Loki probably just thought Mobius's suit was too heavy. (Yes, I'm wearing clown makeup, what about it.)

Finally, And I know how controversial this is: I don't think Loki is looking for Sylvie for romantic reason (OR more accurately, not the sole reason). She is literally about to be hunted down and probably killed and was the last one to see what happened in the Citadel. Even if he did feel betrayed by her, he still would probably want to save her.

#mcu #marvel #loki #loki season 2 #loki spoilers #theory #shitpost kinda #thoughts #headcanon #lokius

[mejomonster]

Just watched till the end of the moon ep 9:

I'm so down bad for these 2

I cannot stress enough that skipping them to marriage so no stupid "innocence" or naivety stuff as is the usual situation is here

I cannot stress enough how much I LOVE that li susu seems adult, mature, seasoned in battle love etc, and just generally like a late 20s early 30s adult trying to save the world instead of a young adult Hero and how nice it is. Just for me, I'm happy for the variety

I LOVE tantai jin. He's a fucked up guy. He's the wet skinny pathetic man fangirls always say they want. He's genuinely a pretty cold bitch AND he gets to be lead (in a cdrama!). He is monstrous cause bitches have treated him monstrous so like susu said! He responded to a cruel world with cruelty back. It's not a lead I'm used to but I AM loving it. I also love how for him a kind gesture really is worth it's weight in gold like? For him. As awful as ye xiwu was in marriage pre susu, as much as susu literally said she wants to kill him more than anyone else in the world... she keeps saving him. Giving him food. Risking HER life for his. And for him those specific actions are worth more than anything anyone's ever given him. Maybe even more than what Lan gave him, since at least ye xiwu is upfront about wanting to imprison him and being mad at him so like she probably isn't going to "secretly" betray him since she's fairly honest (now). I love that he is JUST a fucked up guy with a fucked up destiny meant to be devil God, who the universe was probably intentionally shitty to cause its hoping (on like a cosmic scale) he will Suffer and Die and become devil God in revenge. I love that its not trying to make the bitch noble. He is who he is. For whatever that means, it's just a story about 2 people who'd never have met. But susu has changed the trajectory just by being herself around him and it's COMPELLING.

The transformative power of love (or simply being kind to another person) and all that. How the cursed jade said she's mostly just SO SURPRISED someone would help another person. I feel like that's probably the Theme of the show right there. Even susu is probably surprised by herself helping him. And in the jade transfer moment, I think she's surprised she genuinely does NOT think he only is comprised of bad traits. For all the cold bitch that he is, betraying her that he's done, cruel view he has of the world... actions speak louder than words to susu too. And for all the bad he's done... he has also done some good things. And she finds herself seeing him in shades of grey instead of a monster like she expected to.

I just love their bickering lets be real. Susu just SAYS shit on the top of her mind (to be fair tantai jin is a bitch and deserves to be bitched at). But she's like "from now on let's have NO CONNECTION" to 6 hours later being like "your life is in my hands and I say when you can die I'm imprisoning you forever ill see you nonstop bitch." And it's like... susu honey, that was LITERALLY tantai jins plan to do to you like 6 hours ago. Yall have the same plan. Just who's the prisoner is switched lmao. No wonder he's oddly attracted to you. You see him being a big manipulative bitch and like you're not stealthy, but you ARE like "WELL FINE ill say some SHIT and BREAK YOUR HEART then. Cry me a river! Oh you thought I was dead? You cried? GOOD. Now anyway fight is over as long as I'm winning!"

Their emotional fights are both ridiculously huge (like rumor of the Kingdoms wild) but also so shallow cause these bitches will be like "I DECIDE when you DIE" then you find them clutching each other in the woods BOTH unwilling to abandon the other and BOTH taking life threatening damage trying to protect the other and BOTH trying to then heal said damage of each others! Like. That's just so fucking funny??!! And fun. Xiao Lin is going to be like "what in the world??" But move on

Anyway speaking of Xiao Lin: I love how he genuinely seems to care for tantai jin! Probably only person in the world who does! I hope one day tantai jin finds out its genuine heartfelt care for him. Buy knowing tantai jins life... he's going to do some awful shit to Xiao lin that ruins his life or kills his wife or kills thousands of innocents in front of him, THEN Xiao lin will be breaking down crying how he never thought tantai jin would do this and he thought tantai jin was a good person who wanted to avoid seeing the ppl in harm and he always wished tantai jin could have a better life. And then tantai jin, probably newly learning compassion from enough bullshit attempts with susu, that his own heart will be breaking BECAUSE of the consequences of his own actions. So. Thrilled to cry later I guess

Speaking of susu and tantai jin. tantai jin LAYING ON HER SHOULDER THINKING ABOUT WHAT SHE BULLSHITTINGLY SAID LOVE WAS AND HOW HE THINKS SHE LOVES HIM AND HOW HE THINKS HE MIGHT LOVE HER AND CUDDLING

that is what watchers want!! (At least me!!) Men lying heads on their lovers shoulders and thinking dreamy about them

Bai Lu gives off such bisexual lead energy tho even without a woman to flirt with I'm sure thats part of the appeal for me. Bottom line is I like in my b/g romances on occasion (who am I kidding more of the time than not) to have a dominant kind of woman. And bai lu delivers. Her man leans on HER shoulder. Is carried around her shoulder with HER arms.

Speaking of, people who cast this were 1. Fulfilling so many wishes letting Luo yunxi just play PURE FUCKED UP and I love it. 2. By casting him as this suffering Weak physically nearly always dying willfully little skinny twink of a man, who's also God tier powerful especially with rage, who's costume entails constant bloody whump, collars, choking and ropes, like. There's a HELLA SPECIFIC NICHE Luo yunxis character resides inside this show and it sure is feeding That Demographic. I'm up for it. It's like if mo ran and chu wanning had a fucked up mashup

I'm fearing the jade maker witch was somehow susu in a past life and now I'm wondering if time travel is gonna be in this bitch

If there IS time travel? I really like the idea of tantai jin specifically time traveling the 2nd time around, once he and susu fell in love, once he knows what susu knew from the beginning. I think that could open a lot of new avenues that he is not currently able to go into given his current personality and knowledge

It's still funny as hell to me tantai jin is kind of angling for death cause he KNOWS he gets super-powered once he dies. But his wife keeps being like NO BITCH YOU GOTTA LIVE WELL. And I'm hoping eventually he's like: maybe she's right... maybe the revenge means more if I'm alive for it and not dissassociated. Maybe I SHOULD try to become a God tier monster without dying. Which would still lead to oh no devil tantai jin lol, but a version of it that is fully Himself which I would like

You know I'm liking a show when I'm contemplating binging beyond what's on youtube rn

#tteotm #till the end of the moon #lb #anyway the main couple GOT ME their scenes are SO enjoyable to watch #i loved every second

[stars-n-spice]

Thoughts on s3 ep 13!

fucking hell ya'll,, we're almost at the end of this and I simply can't believe it and don't want to believe it simply because I don't want it to end and I don't see how the fuck they're going to tie up all the loose ends in just the next two episodes.

This time around I recorded my reactions to it and it was a lot of yelling and making really weird noises,, but uh, y'know the drill!

Incoherent screaming (this time for real) and spoilers under the cut!

Click here for the audio recording of my initial reaction

WAAAAAH I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE OMEGA IN PRISON UNIFORMS AGAIN!!!

i forgot they had that baby up in there,, omg

FUCKIN' WAAGHHh why didn't omega try to like access that hatch thing at night?? wouldn't that have been less risky??

this episode stressed me the fuck out,, I have a headache rn holy fuck

EMERIE I'M ON MY HANDS AND KNEES PLEASE DO SOMETHING

wait how the fuck are they going to get that baby through the chute thingy??

Eva is so precious :( I love her so much

Omega has been in there for like probably a day or something and is already making plans to escape, I love her so much

"That's okay, I like a challenge" AAAAA WRECKER WOULD BE SO PROUD!!

Question: why the fuck do they keep taking samples if they know her blood is compatible??

PHEE COME BACK D:

I better see more of Phee somewhere, anywhere, please, I love her so much your honor

ALSDKF;A I FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT RAMPART LMAOOO

Echo!!!! FUCKING HELL!!!! ECHO <3!!!!!

I missed Echo so much,, this episode really just showed that they couldn't have him in it because he would've gotten things done like five episodes ago because he's just that good

Them keeping Rampart is so funny to me idk

He was such a throw away character to me in the other seasons so I this is so hilarious to me, what a silly, pathetic man I need to see him get chewed up by a space animal or something idk

after all this time it was strange to see Crosshair in the background of things but he was still shoving Rampart around and I loved it

I SWEAR TO GO IF I SEE. Y'ALL THIRSTING FOR RAMPART!!! THAT MAN BOMBED KAMINO Y'ALL BEST REMEMBER WHO THE REAL ENEMY IS!!!

Rampart is basically Walmart Kallus

I swear to god, Hunter is getting shorter

Also looks like Crosshair is filling out :( He's finally getting to eat now :((

THEIR ARMOR ALL BLACKENED OUT??? WHAT A LOOK!!

Crosshair's helmet ESPECIALLY, it looks super cool

RAHHHHHH THAT SUPER LONG SHOT OF HUNTER LOOKING AT HIS BLACKENED OUT HELMET AGGUUGGHHHHH

Felt like I was watching an episode of Rebels due to how they were infiltrating the place

How the FUCK did nobody like,, notice?? insane. imperials are so fucking stupid I love that so much.

"Oh I don't think so" FUCKING AAAAA WOW THAT WAS HOT ECHO I LOVE YOU

WHEN WRECKER WAS JUST CHILLING ON HIS PHONE???? STOP. I'M ALREADY IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN!!!! FUCKING RAAGHHHHH

"Where is your captain?" - "Uh, captaining?" WRECKER MI VIDA!!!!

I've said it 100 times and I'll keep fucking saying it,, everything Wrecker does in this season is pure just,, everything he does is amazing, I love him so much, even in the background, him simply breathing?? Iconic. He better stay breathing.

WHEN HE WAS WEARING THE HAT OF THE GUY HE KNOCKED OUT?!?!? MARRY ME.

I know Rampart is stressed out of his mind LMAO bro is getting out of this with gray hair

"It's the only chance we have of finding Omega and freeing those clone prisoners" WHHHATTTTT HUNTER FINALLY THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN OMEGA??? NO FUCKING WAY!!!

THE WAY CROSSHAIR WENT "he can't go alone" AFTER ECHO VOLUNTEERED TO SNEAK ABOARD THE SCIENCE VESSEL AAAAHHH i'm going to be sick,,

Crosshair and Echo dynamic my beloved

ECHO SLAY

OH MY BELOVED ARC TROOPER!!!!!!

last stretch of the episode had me so fucking stressed

i'm not ready for the next ones

"Negative" and all the Hunter girlies fell to their fucking knees

that was HOT

and stressful as FUCK

losing my mind

Music was insane, omg loved it

WAAAAAAAAAH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S ALMOST THE END

AND FUCKING NOT A SIGN OF TECH???? WHAT THE FUCK

THAT'S NOT FAIR THAT THIS SHOW GETS ONLY 3 SEASONS AND FOR MOST OF IT CROSSHAIR, ECHO, AND TECH ARE BARELY IN IT!!! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THAT TECH IS ABSENT THE WHOLE FUCKING THIRD SEASON ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????

makes me fucking sick

they need to give us a whole ass season of all of them together being happy on Pabu I swear to god

this episode made me fucking sick ugh

everything sucks man oh my god

#cannot believe this is the third to last episode #i refuse to believe it #tbb #tbb s3 #tbb s3 spoilers #tbb spoilers #tbb hunter #tbb crosshair #tbb wrecker #tbb echo #tbb omega #emerie karr #edmon rampart #max's musings

[dreamless-daydreamer]

TBB as Taylor Swift Songs Character + Song Analysis Part Eight

Part - One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven

Okay, Heres our favorite girl! It's Omega's turn!

Omega - Peace

Spoilers for Season 3 Ep 3 below

Get your tissues

As long as danger is near And it's just around the corner, darling 'Cause it lives in me No, I could never give you peace

We see several times throughout the show that Omega is preventing the Batch from the lives they would be leading if she wasn't with them, and even when her brothers reasure her that it doesn't matter we see this burden weigh on Omega. Especially in Season one we see that Omegas being hunted by the Kaminoans, and now in Season 3 the Empire will be hunting down Omega, ensuring that as long as Omega's with them, the Bad Batch will always be hiding to keep her safe.

But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm If your cascade ocean wave blues come All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Omega is the heart of the group most of the time. She brings everyone on the squad joy, and it's evident that they're happier with her than they would be without her. When hard times come, she'll comfort them, such as putting her hand on Wrecker's face and offering him Mantell Mix when he apologized for what happened when his chip activated. And yet, no matter how much she loves and cares for them, they will never know peace so long as she's with them, as she will always be hunted.

Your integrity makes me seem small You paint dreamscapes on the wall I talk shit with my friends It's like I'm wasting your honor

Omega struggles with the knowledge that she's a burden on her brothers. We see how desperate she is to ensure her brothers have a "normal" life. She sees that Echo wants to go and fight for other clones, and she knows that Hunter would at least consider joining Echo, if it weren't for her. She feels like she weighs the whole squad down, stopping them from attaining the lives they could have had.

And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences Sit with you in the trenches Give you my wild, give you a child Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother Is it enough?

Omega does everything she can to be a good sister, although it comes naturally to her, she's not always trying to prove herself. She's barely interacted with them when she starts a fight in the cafeteria for them, and she's open and understanding, and she truly loves them with all she is. Their her brothers, and she so clearly loves them so much. But is her love and care enough to make up for everything her brothers, who are techically younger than her, will have to go through for her?

But there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me

In season 3 I think we can expect to see the fear of being a burden continue to weigh on Omega. Hunter and Wrecker have been so desperate to find her, but Omega might think it's best for her to leave them. No matter how much joy Omega brings into their lives, the joy will always come with the pain and fear of being hunted.

And I think this will be the final part, at least for a while. I might come back and add more eventually. I might make a post that's a playlist for each character without actually analyzing the songs, but perhaps use it as a masterlist with links for the songs I did analyze. That'll probably come sometime soon.

#star wars #the bad batch #tbb #bad batch #star wars the bad batch #tbb omega #the bad batch season 3 #star wars tbb #omega tbb #the bad batch omega #omega the bad batch #omega bad batch

[cmyk-anaglyph-honeycomb]

Hazbin Hotel Episode 3 & 4 Opinions and Story logic (mostly)

(ignore any typos, it's 3 min til midnight and I have a con in the morning and was at one all day, i'm not reading through this)

(Episode 3: Scrambled Eggs)

It’s weird to me that Vaggie wants to get rid of the egg bois cuz like??? Are they not also sinners that need redemption? Don’t they need to be saved too? The problem was that they kept building weapons that Sir Pen told them to make. They just needed something else to do, like idk, act as staff for the hotel. They can build, so maybe they can fix the hotel up a bit more.

I get it was just so one of them could spy for Alastor, but like, just have one follow him randomly. That isn’t out of character considering the eggs don’t have one.

It doesn’t make sense to me that Vaggie is so broken up by not getting the hotel guess to bond with each other. I get that she feel like she’s failing Charlie, but like, Charlie has accomplished literally nothing up at this point.

Yeah, so far there’s only 4 episodes, and the most Charlies done in all of them is get the exterminations moved up to every six mouths and fuck over Angel majorly ( I'm soft-balling that right now).

Like she signs a random paper without reading it, which, like girl, you are the daughter of the devil, there is now way she doesn’t know about the importance of contracts. Not only that it absolute FUCKS OVER everyone in hell. And it’s just brushed off??? Like no?

The exterminations is a big deal to all sinners, no matter the rank. Even if no one else knows what she did, Charlie should be more effected by this. The contract thing should have happened mid season or at the end, with her becoming more frantic to prove that her idea work so she can save sinners. But instead its treated like an oopies and she does trust falls and bond activities as if that’s going to make anyone a better person. Them liking each other doesn’t redeem them of anything.

*episode 3…im talking about that…*

Its my favorite so far. I like Zestail, Carmillia, Velvette and that dino lady are my favorite characters. Genuinely surprised I haven’t heard more about Respectless because it is my favorite song. (But it did come out next of ep 4, so it make sense.)

I hope Carmillia’s daughters are adopted or where her kids in life cuz the idea that the sinners can have kids are stuck in hell like the imps is messed up.

I’m glad Velvette gets development in this episode. I was worried that she’d just be the woman (tm) character of the Vees and be pushed to the side, so I was happy to see her upfront so soon. She’s now my favorite of the three, sorry Vox. I also like that her hair style keeps changing, that’s a nice touch for the fashion oriented one of the Vees.

The hotel gang going to the bondage…idk what to call it..Club felt like a waste of time. It was there for a joke and that’s it. Then Vaggie takes them to a city war zone and throws Pen and Angel off the building while Husk sneaks away.

Admittedly Husk sneaking off was funny to me, but like why would Vaggie think this would make them trust each other. Angel has a mafia background and family. Best bet he’s had to get into a few fights with them, and if I’m remembering lore correctly, he hates most to all of his family but okay.

At this point I’m genuinely curious how this show is going to develop Charlie’s redemption plan, because everything we’ve shown them try has failed and been show to clearly leading to fail. I have a feeling that he show isn’t going to have an ending, its just going to end. Like, nothing regarding the redemption plot line had made a single step forward. There’s just one more of them not, that’s it.

The second song doesn’t feel earned from Vaggie’s side.

Conclusion: This one is the best so far. It being mostly away from the main cast is not a good sign but it’s only number 3.

(Episode 4: Masquerade)

*gestures to that hot fucking mess* I’m not touching most of it. If you’re reading this them you’ve probably seen better points than I can provide. So I’m just going working on the logic within the story.

Personally, I think the visuals are a little too much, and I can understand where it goes way to far for a lot of people. I’d like to note that while Helluva Boss has a working screen on every single episode this has jack shit which was a huge fuck up in my opinion. I don’t care what the shows rating is, adult content and sensitive content are two different things and need to be treated as such.

Any media that handles SA, SH or abuse needs a huge label like those FBI no pirating screens from back in the day. I am not joking.

*shit I toughed it moving back a bit*

Okay, so why did Charlie goes to Angel’s job KNOWING he was in the middle of working. Like she knows he makes porn. The episode starts with the hotel gang watching one and her being visible uncomfortable. Why would she go there? And not like, wait outside or something? (she was uncomfortable at the bondage place why wouldn’t that be any different here?)

Charlie not picking up how upset Angel was that she showed up to his job THE FIRST time is child levels of ignorance. Even without the seriousness of what was really happening, that was infuriating to watch. I get that she’s supposed to have rose tinted glasses but those things are opaque. By this point all of her ‘accomplishments’ have been fucking people over majorly. She is a hindrance to those around her and it is hard to watch.

*skirting around the trash fire a little bit more.*

( I’m not trying to make a joke about this but like, I don’t know how to express how fucking yikes this episode is. Like it’s such an uncomfortable topic and it’s fumbled so hard. And then for Viz to turn around and argue about it on twitter and shit, like come on.)

Husk and Angel arguing doesn’t make sense to me. Husk says doesn’t like Angel cuz he’s fake, ignoring that it’ coping, shouldn’t Husk’s reasoning that Angel makes him uncomfortable. He is clearly shown being bothered by Angel’s aggressive flirty and sex talk. Him being ‘fake’ comes out of nowhere. As does them fighting.

Three minutes in, Angel gets pissed at Husk dismissing his porno. Flirts with him when Husk reveals he knows about the other hotel gangs’ insecurities and secrets. Then gets pissy again when Husk does the same to him. If Angel is short with Husk this episode because of Val, then let that be that, but the back and forth is jarring.

Charlie being the one to go after Angel an comfort him would have been the one good thing she could have done in the show cuz to be honest she as done nothing but ruin things for everyone at this point.

The loser song happening IMMEDIATELY after Angel’s emotional moment is a gut punch. Like WTF. I could not imagine being on the production team, seeing this shit and not saying something. Like there’s not scene cut to Charlie writing those (pointless) letters, her talking to Vaggie about how she messed up, nothing.

Angel has his break down and Husk seconds later is singing about how shit sucks and he’s a loser. Without the context, that’s bad. With the context, it’s horrific.

Husk had/has a gambling addiction. Not to downplay that or invalidate anyone who has/is going through that but it is not the same as SA. Especially as Husk isn’t going through his problems right now while Angel had to go through it…what an hour before, two maybe. For a prolong period of time and has to go back to that.

Husk is talking about his problem in the past tense. Besides the Alastor thing, it’s behind him. Angel’s problem is in the present and future. And that’s not taking into account the guy at the bar who was going to drug him. Who Angel was going to let drug him.

I could not imagine being on the production team, seeing the script for this and not immediately being like, no. This show is making miss Helluva Boss I am not joking.

Positives: The song Poison is good. Just listen to the audio and nothing else and its great. Val’s coat being moth wings was neat to see (especially if you ignore everything that happiness before and after that one still shot). I like Valentino’s design. I’ve no people have a problem with his voice, but personally I don’t mind it.

Conclusion: I have mixed feeling on the aftermath of the episode. Acting like the problem is solved and not addressing it won’t treat the SA plot-line with the seriousness it deserves. On the other hand, I do not want to the show to touch anything like this again. If it just leaves it here, then at least its only the one episode instead of more.

Ignoring Viz’s response to criticism over this, the executives and people with money have likely seen this shit blow up, and if anything, might not be willing to let the show go near something like this again. Which, in my opinion, is the best option. I do not trust this show to do it well, so it might as well not do it at all.

I am going to keep watching, cuz, like Helluva Boss, I want to see how this turns out. I don’t have hope for the show, but I am curious.

Overall, I hope ep 4 will be a good example of what not to do for any media hoping to cover SA in one way or another.

If anyone want to talk with me about the show send me a message and tumblr mobile and social anxiety willing, I'll be able to get back to you.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critical #one of mine #2 cents

[starseneyes]

Chenford - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 21

"Going Under" AKA "Going Down in the Laundry Room"

We made it home just in time for the episode, but I was too worn from the events of the day to finish last night. So, here it is, your Meta.

SPOILER ALERT: Look, I don't spoil those who want to remain unspoiled, which is why there's a cute "Read More" button. But as soon as you click that, you're on your own. You will be spoiled. Sorry, not sorry.

All squared away? It's time to dive in!

Lucy and Tim Brief the Team

There's something very powerful about seeing Lucy and Tim standing up there to tell everyone about the Op.

It throws me back to Lucy's first Under Cover assignment when an angry Tim perched outside the door, arms crossed, while Lucy sat as a member of the briefing.

Now, Sergeant Second Class Bradford and... what the hell!?

Where's Lucy's promotion, dagnabbit?!

Look, I'm really not trying to complain after the feast we got in this episode. But, it really does strike hard when you're thinking about earlier seasons and how far Tim has come professionally.

I really hope the "Lucy wants to make Detective" story line continues this season or beginning of next.

"Which is where Officer Chen comes in. She'll be going undercover..."

It's good that Tim's the one who's introducing this, and we're continuing our thread of, "Tim is trying to be okay with this."

Also, again, a long way from Tim being pissed about Lucy going UC. The growth has been massive. I think it's important to acknowledge that even as we spend this episode highlighting how much further these two have to go.

The need for continued growth does not cancel out the growth already achieved. Work is work, and when you put it in, it matters.

"Until further notice, if you see Officer Chen out in the world, don't acknowledge her."

And, I'm thrown back to Lucy's Op at the end of Season 3, when Tim and Jackson came across her with the traffic stop. I remember Jackson asking Tim how to play it, and Tim coaching him through.

"I called Hard Luck." "Really? He's such an unreliable CI."

Gosh, I love how these two talk to one another. Again, we've come so fucking far.

And I know I'm waxing nostalgic, a bit, but I think that's natural for an episode of this magnitude. Lucy hasn't done more than a short stint undercover op in many seasons.

And this is the first time we get to see these two handle it as a couple.

Every other time they've done this, Tim was a TO or a coworker. Now, he's Lucy's Shower Sex Sweetie and Quality Quickie with a dash of Down-And-Dirty-All-Night-Long-Hottie.

It's bound to change the dynamic. But one thing that I love about this scene is how equal they are.

Sure, Lucy doesn't have the rank, but she's no longer "sir"ing Tim (unless he asks for it in the bedroom... or shower... or wherever role playing activities might transpire).

"He knows it's important to me." "Aw... undercover love." *giggle*

Y'all, I'm giddy. Like, legit was grinning like a fool. And after the day I've had, that's no small miracle.

Also, it feels like Eric Winter almost broke, and like Melissa O'Neil did. I have no intel on this, and I might be completely off-base, but there was something about his little quirk of the lip and double-take that would definitely have set me off if I was working opposite him in that scene.

"Jamie Hall." "You all set up Jamie?" "Yeah, all good."

So. Fucking. Cute.

I just love that Tim's the one outside keeping an eye on her (even if my subconscious is trying to connect the dots between IA paperwork, possible liabilities of Tim overreacting or losing his cool, and what happens if he uses the wrong name by accident, etc).

He is the protector. And being involved in the Op is easier for him to handle than not being involved.

Think about it... we know that Isabel would go away for months at a time and Tim felt like he couldn't breathe the whole time. He didn't know about the people she met. He didn't know anything.

He told Isabel that Lucy was different, and I think we all can see that Chenford can be different. But without communication, they're doomed.

Golly, that sounds dramatic. Like that old shipping commercial where everyone is doomed. Yeah, like twelve of you reading understand that reference, and I'm leaving it anyway.

But, I truly believe communication is the foundation to a strong relationship. And I'm not just saying that because I happen to hold two degrees in communications.

Tim and Lucy have the benefit of an established relationship based on trust and respect. But learning to effectively communicate your needs, wants, fears, aversions, and desires as a couple is completely different.

"Are you good? .... "Are you good?" "Do you mean do I miss you already? Nah, I'm fine." "You are such a jerk."

This is so me and Matt coded. And, yes, I'm Lucy in this scenario. Can't tell you how many times I've affectionately called Matthew a jerk and he's shared that same satisfactory smirk on Tim's face afterwards.

"Hey, will you keep an eye on Tamara for me? You know, just check in on her every once in a while." "Of course. Yeah, don't worry about her. I'll keep an eye on her. You just focus on the job."

Tim is really trying to be amazingly supportive for her. And I love this little reminder that Tim does have his own place.

Yes, for production purposes we're spending a lot of time at Lucy's (that I head-canon is because she lives closer to the station).

Also, Tim doesn't hesitate to watch out for Tamara. There was a time he only referred to Tamara as "Lucy's Puppy", but now they're family.

"How long do you think this will take?"

Excuse me, we're getting a montage!?! Like, a montage with voice over provided by our intrepid duo? Be still my beating heart!

Y'all don't understand. I was a Voice Over artist for two decades. So, when I see actors who can also do voice over well, I get super hyped.

Melissa O'Neil and Eric Winter decided to make me gawk at their talent even more tonight. Gee wiz! Like, it's possible they recorded their audio together, but more likely they were each in comfy clothes in the booth solo on completely different days.

And the chemistry. still. freakin. works. That's talent, my friends.

Look, some people crush VO and some people don't. Just watch (or don't watch... maybe with shrooms nearby) the Star Wars Holiday Special animated section to see what I mean.

I'm not gonna name names, but it was really easy to call which Star Wars actor was going to go into voice work later and which one really shouldn't have been asked to do that long VO for Blade Runner.

"Oh, do not finish this season of Top Chef without me." "I can't make any promises."

Y'all, this is so me and Matt coded! Now, Top Chef is my show and not Matthew's. I even keep it on in the background when I'm working or writing a screenplay.

Yes, I know most people don't work that way. I'm weird. I've come to terms with it, and I like me—weird and all.

But we totally have our shows where we say, "You better not watch this without me!" And, usually, I'm the one to screw it up. Mostly by accident!

Matthew always reminds me of Mean Girls. He wanted to see it in theaters. I said to hold off. Then we were in the video store (yes, we're old) and he offered to rent it, but I said to hold off. The third time was a year later when he remembered we hadn't seen it.

Except I accidentally caught it on TV totally forgetting we said we'd watch it together. Eep!

Also, after Lucy complaining about her ex watching too many cooking shows after his wrists were slit, I find it interesting she actively watched them with Tim.

Just goes to show cooking shows were never the problem. *cough* dead weight puffed chicken *cough*

"You ever wish you has a normal job?" "One where people don't shoot at you? Not once." "Yeah, me, either."

I love how easy their conversation is. These are the little things that add up to big things when you're building a relationship. And some mastermind in the Writer's Room thought, "What if we advance their relationship while advancing the episode's story via VO?"

As much flack as VO sometimes takes (and I'm actually a VO fan), I adore this choice.

We don't need to meet all the people in the office and establish relationships with them. It doesn't service the story or our core characters. So, we're letting Tim and Lucy—two characters we adore—carry us through via the VO. It's bloody beautiful.

Also, I love the pacing of this episode. Love it. There's an effortlessness to the timing of the edits and the passage of time via wardrobe change is so beautifully done.

I know we have the Super giving us time stamps via dates, but those are almost superfluous because we can visualize the journey via other cues. It's stuff like this that makes me bloody giddy.

"Making any friends?"

This. Is. So. Cute. Tim is actually keeping Lucy sane, here, I'm convinced! Remember her last UC assignment where she had to check in via phone? She was bored out of her mind.

"Is the monotony getting to you?" "I don't mind it... I just don't want it to all be for nothing."

This is so interesting to me. The word choice, I mean. This is how I felt about the infertility drugs... it couldn't all be for nothing.

I'm not going to get into the whole thing, here. But, I dealt with multiple years of infertility for my kids. For a while, I had to be on this medication—letrazole. Most people have minor reactions on it. I had almost all the weird/severe reactions.

But it got my follicles to optimum size for ovulation. It wasn't all for nothing.

There are things we put ourselves through willingly, sometimes, that to an outsider might seem strange. But we have a reason for what we're doing—and a hope that it's the right thing to do.

"Why don't we go for a walk?"

It's not Chenford, but I gotta call out my on-screen bestie for using her brains on this one to prevent Frank from taking her to a second location. Well done.

Tim Pretending to Be On the Phone

Fierce protector is there. Now, I'm turning off my subconscious brain on this one, and I'll explain why at the end. But, I did think it was a nice touch to have Tim on the phone, here.

There's something about this episode that felt like a dash of Alias was sprinkled onto the souffle. It's already an abundant hour that could feel bloated, but instead is rich and decadent. But that added spice is palpable in the shooting and editing, especially.

That over-the-shoulder shot of the landscape when Tim's watching them feels hand-held, giving us that sense of something being off-kilter and unstable.

When Tim hangs up, it's a shot of his torso, out-of-focus, with the real action behind him. There are layers to how this is shot, and it's so reminiscent of a spy movie in the best ways.

The whole episode is already elevated by Michael Rooker. But the script and pacing and directing and editing all feel like they've risen to the occasion, too.

"I was bored to early onset rigor mortis."

But this is a part of UC life. It's the "hurry up and wait" that is strangely a huge part of life in the film/television industry, as well. Like, a huge part.

It could be waiting for the sun to set so you have the perfect lighting, waiting for an actor on set, waiting for notes, or even a Writer's Strike if it comes to that.

UC often means embedding for months at a time before getting what you're going after. It's something for which Tim and Lucy must prepare. And I feel like this episode is the perfect vehicle to get us there.

"Like a date?" ... "odds are he's hoping for a little something-something."

Tim is having a hard time, and Grey knows it. I love how he casts a glance Tim's way on this line, sensing his unease.

Let's be real—Grey saw Chenford coming before they did. And he's the one really tuned into Tim, here.

Tim can't help walking her to the door, holding it open for her, even if he knows he can't touch her. He's concerned.

"You okay?" "Five by five." "You gotta treat this like any other op and treat Lucy like any other UC." "I know."

I'll be honest, when I first watched this scene, this is what I wrote: UGH. I don't like what's being set up. Please don't let Tim fuck this up. Please don't let Tim fuck this up.

I have never been so happy to be wrong about my read on a scene. I seriously worried we were setting it up for Tim to be the liability in all this, and I'm grateful that's not the direction it went.

This show has a history of showing couples working through bad times, tough situations, close calls. The core couples suffer as much as any Austen heroine—and they come out alright in the end. I'm grateful to see that tradition continue with Chenford.

"Okay."

First off, I have to admit that I giggled when Lucy's head popped up. I know it's a completely inappropriate response, but all I could picture was one of those Whack-A-Mole's at the Chuck-E-Cheese growing up. She was like a little prairie dog, and I haven't been able to watch the scene since.

Anyway, back to what I wrote when this first aired: Tim sees Lucy and he can breathe, again. She knew. She knew he'd be looking for her.

And Tim knew he couldn't breach. If he went in, that'd give away everything, and someone needed to go after that car.

He's doing everything right. But it hurts like hell.

"Gun was empty. I got lucky. Otherwise..."

And you can see it hurts. Look, Tim has faced a lot worse in his time in the military and working Patrol. But everything is raw right now.

The woman he loves it in danger. She was nearly killed by that same weapon. Both of them had close calls with the same gun and lived to tell the tale.

"Hey, you okay?" "Yeah. I am now.... meet me at the laundry room in your building." "Yes. See you in 30."

I love the touch that Lucy's hand is on the phone before Frank even pulls away. She needs to touch base with Tim. She needs to hear his voice.

And I love the emphasis Melissa O'Neil places on "Yes". It's a heart cry for its soulmate. There is no question that they need to see one another.

Tim has always had this need to protect Lucy, even before romance was on the table. And Lucy has always had a need to protect Tim, too, in her own way.

Lucy watching out for Tim with Isabel. Tim doing whatever it took to save Lucy from a serial killer. Over and over, these two have a need to know the other is okay.

I remember not so long ago Tim was asking Nolan, Nyla, Angela... asking if Lucy was okay. He needed to know. Then, he finally had the direct line as a friend. He could text her to get the details.

Now, they need to see each other. It's that same need, but it's grown along with their relationship.

*hug* "That was really scary." "Yeah, I almost had a heart attack."

Lucy launches herself up into his arms and he nestles into her shoulder. Tim's right hand is splayed across her back, as though he wants to hold as much of her at one time as he can.

It's another one of those "Eric Winter act all the way through his fingers" moments. Tim's whole body is reacting to holding her, safe in his arms, down to those fingertips.

These poor babies. This is the first time they've had to do this deep since Lucy's S3 arc. And they've never done it in love, before. Not with each other.

Tim knows what he lost with Isabel. But this love is different, deeper, developed from the gradual building of trust. Layers upon layers of caring. Lucy is the love of his life—and he's run raw from witnessing the shootout, and skirting death moments apart.

"If you need to tap out-" "No."

Tim is trying to give her an out, and there's a mix here of professional and personal. She's shaken. So is he. But this is the job.

And he knows that. He does. But we've already established he can't be objective where she is concerned.

"Has he tried anything?"

This is a scenario that's run through my mind a million times—what would Tim do if someone violated Lucy... and what would he do to that person?

The way Eric Winter plays this moment is so heartbreaking, too. There's a vulnerability in Tim's eyes that is completely personal, void of professional. He's a man worried about the love of his life.

He knows she can handle herself. It's not a cognitive issue. It's that part of him that cries out Fierce Protector whenever she is in danger.

Lucy gets that, and she grabs onto his jacket with one hand, almost pulling him closer to her.

"Alright, now is not the time to talk about this-"

It's easier for him to change the subject on her than to acknowledge how much they both need to have this conversation at some point. They've been talking around it and avoiding it.

It has to be addressed at some point. There is no way forward without it.

"If you're good, I'm good." "I'm good." "Good."

I'm having a bit of a Court Jester moment, here, and it's cracking me up. "Get it?" "Got it." "Good."

But also, "Good" is kind of their word. Tim used it post-DOD with her in the workout room, and again when he was happy she didn't change her mind about dating him.

I don't know who made the choice—whether it was a writing thing, first, or an actor choice in the moment, but it somehow makes it more personal and lived-in. And I love that.

"Lock the door first."

Did they just.... have sex in there? Oh my GOSH they pulled a Java!

But what I really love about this is how it feels like a callback to 5x01 and the airplane bathroom. Not only is it a small space where they are covertly meeting to discuss the mission, but it's also a parallel to Lucy needing grounding and Tim being the one to do it.

In 5x01, Lucy was shaken by the Rosalind news. She made an excuse to kiss Tim, to wrap herself in a moment that was a release. Remember Isabel talking about how great it was to unwind in that hotel room and not be on guard for a bit?

Lucy needs this. She needs to be with Tim and wrap herself in the life they are building. Even if it's only a little while, it's going to sustain her while she's pretending while thinking on three levels to not get killed.

He grounds her when she's flailing. And she envelopes him when he's crumbling. Tim and Lucy have built a relationship of mutual respect, love, and protection. And, damn, is it great to get to see it on-screen.

"Miss you." "Getting coffee. 1 Minute." "911."

Shit. Of course this is the one moment when something goes down.

But I love the fact that Lucy was having Laundry Room Sex less than 12 hours earlier and she's already texting her boyfriend because she misses him. No wonder he practically lives at her place, already.

Also, now we know she finally has him listed as "Tim" in her phone. Now, he was "Tim" at the end of S4E1, but I think that was an oversight. So, officially we've graduated to first names.

"Hey. Why are you here?"

Oh, GPS tracking, how I hate thee in real life and love thee on TV.

"You got ten seconds to convince me you're not a cop."

Annnnd, there it is. This guy's not a moron. This isn't his first rodeo. And now he has a gun trained on our girl.

"I'm not a cop I... " "Then how the hell did you know they were coming." "A police scanner app. I can show you."

Well. Done. There are folks in my area who have scanner apps and are constantly posting things online.

I sometimes forget about it because when I worked in a newsroom, we had a guy whose whole job was to listen to the scanner. Still boggles my mind anyone can do it these days!

And Lucy. Gets. Him. Monologuing. And it's beautiful. Lessor actors would have bungled it, but Michael Rooker is a bloody master of the craft, and Melissa O'Neil holds her own opposite him, which adds such richness.

Before we move on, I have to pause and just fawn over Michael Rooker a bit. He's just such a gem of an actor, and that whole interaction there between Lucy and Frank is elevated by his presence.

He pours so much life into a character we've barely known five minutes.

I met him once upon a time. My mother was the Key Makeup Artist on a movie called Deceiver. While I was visiting Mom on-set, I had the opportunity to run lines with him.

He treated me like a working actor, which was crazy to a kid like me.

I remember him running me through this one line over and over. It was a three-word line (which of course I can't remember), but he was trying to teach me how inflection and intention can completely change the meaning of a line.

I carried that with me, and applied it to my acting, writing, and VO work the rest of my life.

My mom said he told her that I acted like a pro. And that's just so bloody special to me. I never had the body or the face for the big time, ya know? But, an actor I admire thought I had the chops. And that's super cool.

"Where are you?" "I'm outside the cover apartment. Frank just dropped me off."

One thing that is a minor thing, but really cracks me up about their dialogue is when they see each other in person, there's almost always a "hey" breathed under their breathe. On the phone, they just get to the point. It's so minor, but it makes me smile.

"I think this op is done." "You sure? " "Yeah. I mean, he's got no crew, no product. It's over." "That's too bad." "Why?" "I was looking forward to another laundry room hookup."

You. Idiots. And I say that with all love! It's so nice to see these two really enjoying their relationship, dagnabbit.

"I need a big meal, a hot bath, and some quality sexy time and then I'm gonna sleep for 24 hours."

Lucy runs her hands down his stomach, but Tim's quick to grab her hands. He rubs her arm, as though reminding himself that she's real.

"What what is that? What? " I just... Isabel used to always crash after a long term assignment. It took her months to come back to life."

I have three children. The first two are twins. And they were born just a few months after my best friend had her first. Her second child was born about six months before my third child.

Yes, I have a point. Gimme a second.

I have dealt with two very different children from day one. I don't know what it is to be the mother of a single child. That was never my reality.

But my bestie was shocked by how different her second child was compared to her first. She'd only known one thing for three years, so she assumed that's how all babies would be.

It was simply lack of experience that led her to lean into her previous understanding thinking it was all she needed. That's Tim, here.

He knows that Lucy is different... but they've never done this before. He's never been the one she came home to after a UC assignment.

He's not equating everything to Isabel because he thinks Lucy is Isabel, but because he has no comparisons. Tim and Lucy are going to build that together, yes, but he honestly doesn't know how to do that.

We know that Isabel shut him out. Tim is terrified Lucy will do the same, even though he hasn't verbalized it... yet.

"You know what, I do have to come clean about something, though. I know I made you a promise to not watch Top Chef without me but I couldn't wait. I'm sorry." "Bad girlfriend." "No! No. I'm sorry." "Horrible!"

I'm sheepishly hiding my face because I'm so Lucy in this moment. My on-screen bestie and I have way too much in common.

Also, we needed that bit of levity to break up the scene. Because it's about to get heavy.

"So... Why didn't you tell me you almost died chasing down the shooter at the restaurant?" "Because I didn't. Who told you?"

It's shocking Lucy thought she would ever be able to keep the Five Player Trade quiet considering how quickly gossip moves through that station. Gee wiz!

"The gun was empty, right? So this is much ado about nothing."

A Shakespeare reference? Now I know our girl's been rubbing off on her man.

"Besides I know for a fact you don't tell me everything that happens when you're undercover." "No. you know for a fact that Isabel didn't. If this is gonna between us I need to know you can see the difference."

Here we go. They are finally having the conversation they need to have. Tim told Isabel that Lucy was different. We know he knows it. But he has to believe it, too.

"... listen, I need you to take it seriously if I ever sound the alarm about something. Otherwise the pain of what I went through would have been for nothing. And I can't lose you the way I lost her.

That "for nothing" is coming back around. It can't be for nothing.

And he can't lose her. He survived losing Isabel. Yes, it broke him. It broke him for a long time. But I don't know if he'd ever recover from losing Lucy. True love can have that effect.

"You won't. I'll walk away before it gets close to anything like that. Okay? I promise."

There we go. This was the piece Lucy was missing last week when she tried to broach the subject. She approached it as though it was something he needed to deal with. But relationships only work when we get through together.

This conversation doesn't make everything all better. They are still going to face obstacles and issues. But they are finally being open and honest in both directions about Lucy doing UC.

Tim and Lucy embrace, but this is different than any of their other hugs, and I wonder if it's intentional. Tim has always nestled into her right shoulder. Lucy usually has one arm up and one down.

This time, she almost scoops in underneath as he wraps both arms around her. She's nestled in his wings as he's held up by her strength.

"We can build a house away from here," the song says. And they could. They could both walk away. But we've established that this is the life they love, dangerous as it is.

And the more they fall in love, the more they both have something worst living for. And that's terrifying.

Have you ever been in love? The kind of love that reciprocates and grows? It's amazing. I've only experienced it once, with the love of my life. It's difficult, at times, but it's also rewarding.

And it amplifies the big stuff. Because you're now a part of something so much bigger than the individual. And for Tim and Lucy, putting their lives on the line means there's someone who will be destroyed if they die.

There's all the more reason to live, but that can't get into the decision-making process in the moment. "You have to keep your head in the game," Tim has said often.

Love conquers all, right? Sometimes, it merely complicates.

I'm grateful for this episode. The pacing and directing were so on-point all around, and I felt like all the on-screen characters had moments to shine without it feeling over-bloated. Just beautifully done all-around.

Thank you for reading, loves. This week has been a hard one in my life as I drove back to Wilmington to say what may be my last goodbyes to one of my best friends who I've known since we were 11. Cancer is the B-word.

Cherish the ones you love. Tell them often that you care. Make memories. Build dreams. Chase hope. Live this life, dagnabbit. I believe in you.

#Chenford #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford #Melissa O'Neil #Eric Winter #Lucy x tim #Tim x Lucy #The Rookie #Meta