#I was rewatching the first season with a friend and I felt a bit empty after it

[elvyn]

I can't believe I read the entire novel in two weeks

#I was rewatching the first season with a friend and I felt a bit empty after it #so I decided to take a look at the novel #At first I was like “I'll give it a chance but I don't think I'll read the whole thing” #oh well xD #but this ship is sooo comfy and ahhh #I can't remember the last time I read so much text in such a short time haha #hualian #heaven's official blessing #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #hua cheng #xie lian #my art

[strugglingatart]

Jr year ep 2

This is me live blogging bc I need to get thoughts out also would love fandom friends full spoilers bellow the cut just so no one accidentally reads anything they don't want to this will be long

No shenanigans at the begining way lowkey sad I love our intrepid heroes being dumb

Siobhan and Zac kick it off with SUCH good turns straight away we love (also emily's cutting words? delicious)

Them all discussing more stuff mid battle is so nice I love but also not Ally forgetting they could try to heal lol

"playing with you all at level 10 has never convinced me more that this game is unplayable at level 20. fucking unplayable" Brennan the man who I 100% have seen play att level 20. But we HAVE to stan the complaing I love them so much Murph especially I always laugh so much

Siobhan please we cannot be confident before rolls they go bad then

we were doing so well like seconds ago and now everything feels terrible

ARMOR OF AYDA omg my loves

Kristen and Riz are me when my friends are being to sexual but also Kristen please remember you and tracker?

NOT FABIAN FALLING AGAIN, and his idea was real good as well, but Ally yeeting the dice also a big mood

Lou's sass was so good I love im so much

only one person saving out of everyone is brutal why do dice currenntly hate them

Murph loosing it at Ally's saving throws being empty is so funny, and poor them gatting so defensive (also have they been doing it wrong this whole time then? has it never been written down? was is just a mistake on their season prep?)

Zac and Lou killed that look at me bit I'm sorry they are geniuses

I truly thought Brennan was gonna make this fight SO much easier and in many ways I get why he didn't but I'm not over it

Listen Murph is looking SO GOOD this season it legit distracted me for a few seconds I had to go back to understand what Brenan said about the van flipping I am a disaster queer through and through

this is so intense all of a sudden omgggg

Poor hangvan ily and know Gorgug will fix you tho

Oh no Kristen, but also the die deadass turned on them, sad vibes (also I miss good rolling Murph I know we had him for one ep but I loved him)

once again yeeting the dice is a mood and then the whole if i hit anyone bit, art tbh

AHHHHH that nat 1 followed by a nat 20 was magical, also Em is wearing the naddpod live shirt 😍 I was 110% with her tho I wanted Gorgug to get it so bad so that deception roll was EVERYTHING TO ME, Ayda claming Gorgug as the greatest wizard is legit one of my favorite things whenever they bring it up and support that theory my heart is so happy

Brenan just being like yes these npcs i made up for the media res are just for that they will die even if they don't

Zac has what healing thing? again not knowing enough about DnD makes me bad at knowing who can do what

shoutout to the two crew

listen this theme of exaustion specifically with school will end me like i cannot it hits too close

Moggy the doggy! we stan Adaine the little guys guy(gal?)

Did Cassandra text you? Nonstop

this flourish lacks flourish (me giving the finishing touches to art projects for university)

LISTEN Fig asking about first day of school outfit was literally Emily choosing violence omg I felt that deeply

I still have jump and i haven't used it so I'm just gonna... I love Zac

They all LOOSE IT at two more guys and I know it was mostly the players but honestly having an absolute laughing fit out of exaustion is another big mood and I felt both seen and called out (I have STROIES about this) and like it just fit the theme so well

there's two nat 1's, Lou's full discociated, Murph's loosing it, it's pure chaos for a bit but whoever did the closed captions? A+++ job

Kristen taking ths ice cream sandwich out and going to the hangman is gold (also I remember the pouch of ice cream sandwiches existing like I fully remeber Kristen usinf it before but i don't remeber when/where she gets it despite having just rewatched both freshman and sophomore years and it's bothering me)

I want the so tactical so late t-shirt

Fabian passed so I legit thought that was gonna work but you know what? it's funnier that it didn't

"I was a turncoat the whole time" is so funny for no reason, also Fabian babe, ily but like why do you wanna kiss a mirror it will not be enjoyable (also at this point Lou is either feeding into all the comp-het queer theories or is like the queer whisperer)

The father the son and the balthazar made me cackle

I have said this before in a post somewhere but while I get where Kristen is coming from so much like truly I'm right there with her but also I kinda hate how she's avoiding Cassandra but also I get it baby but also pls do better (or at least change tactics in odrer to to it lowkey unhealthily)

Fabian I promise you you can do better LMAO Riz, you are correct

Again to me Fig's hypothetical is like fighting words I'd be pissed and depressed

But also high school me would have loved a dance camp tbh (also to be able to dance in general rip my dancing dreams, taken away by a chronic issue and over protective parents)

"I think I do a really half hearted prayer of healling just because I don't.. trust you" I love Ally so much

ah yes the silliness is back but they are so tired

wanna stay at our place? we have so many beds

The entire ecaf bit was so good i cannot deal

Hallariel is saying Fabian's name more like the elves or am I tripping?

Gillear is slightly less pathetic! he won a cruise! oh and they are engaged, full step sibblings Fig and Fabian

also poor Fabian like he needs his parental figures here... Cathilda better stay or I'm personally gonna have words with Brennan, stop making them suffer they fuck up things alone

ALSOOO there is no way Gillear would not want to talk to Fig omg I'm fighting brennan again

Gillear luck... did Fig uncurse him by taking that deal and is she about to get his bad luck?

SKLONDA we stan

Brennan I swear to god this tiny goblin has saved the world three times what do you mean he cannot go to college I will fight you, this scene hit me so hard omg we were promised silliness not heart wrenching reality in my fantasy

I think Zac legitimately forgot the mirror didn't run away for like a second which makes it funnier but Fig IS just that good. 32 decepetion fool the character and the player

BRENAN what do you mean Zelda gave back his stuff this is DURING the seven where they are still TOGETHER I swear I will riot

Frosty fair mentioned twice it's connected to or the big thing this season

The Thistlespring are SO PRECIOUS

Jawbone and Sandra Lynn made a cake I can't deal, and it's belated birthdays omg the way I would cry

THE RAGH AND LYDIA ART IS SO GOOD

the justaposition of Emily's cackle and Ally's face to the dangers Fig and Kristen are dangerously and/or wildly close to being expell is so good

Lou choking on water at "we're allowed to fail a certain number of classes each semester" also real good treiler editing bc I thought that was 10000% connected to the you let your god die line that comes right before it on there

Fig's been multiclass since start of sophmore year, does she do warlock classes sometimes I wonder

I like that Jawbone is not judging here he's just like facts: you are failing and this is why, now we can see what we do about it

ouch that whole im swimming my head is liquid kristen thing felt dangerously close to me... I usually relate to gorgug and riz like i adore kristen but she's never me what is happening (this is not bad just me having like my 10th identity mini crisis this year)

THE AYDA ART she looks so bummed but so pretty.. but also Brenan I feel like I said I'll fight you a couple of times here but if we get no ayda I will fly to LA and fight you

I reached text limit will do a part two

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #fhjr #riz gukgak #fabian aramais seacaster #kristen applebees #adaine o'shaughnessey #gorgug thistlespring #fig faeth

[procrastinatorproject]

I was talking to some friends about the PIC season 3 finale yesterday, and I had a bit of a realization. I have since rewatched the final two episodes (and also the end of season 2), and am now newly felt with so much rage and sadness.

Here's the thing: the Big Dramatic Climax that season 3 gave to Jack Crusher? That is what was missing from the "arc" they wrote for Agnes Jurati during season 2.

Let me explain!

I have talked many times about how I think Jurati was served extremely poorly by her storyline in season 2. It was bad then, but it is apalling when contrasted with Jack Crusher's story in season 3.

Both of them share a similar conflict: we are told that they feel lonely and long for a form of connection they have never been able to find. At the same time, we see both of them surrounded by people who clearly love them and care deeply about them, but apparently that is not enough to break through their feelings of isolation.

Both of them are more or less told that the Borg are their way out of loneliness. With Jack, it's the Borg Queen's motherly voice talking to him in his head since he was a kid, with Jurati, it's another Borg Queen, telling her seductive tales of grateness. But they both don't primarily let themselves be assimilated to escape their loneliness.

Jack runs to the Borg Cube in a lone wolf, impulsive manchild effort to Get Answers For Himself despite the fact everyone around him is trying to help and he is playing exactly into the Queen's hands. Jurati first let's the Borg Queen into her head to get information out of her that will save her friends. It's risky, and there's definitely an element of hubris there, but it's more the self-sacrificial kind.

Jack runs into the Cube to shoot the Queen, but the Queen tells him that joining her is the only way he will ever stop feeling that terrible loneliness. She taunts him: "If you could shoot me, you would have done it already." And she is right. Jack drops his phaser, has a big scream of manpain, and then accepts his fate.

With Jurati, the Borg Queen is holding a French cop hostage and promises the only way Jurati will ever be anything but utterly and completely lonely is to give herself over to the Queen. Jurati is tempted and torn and deeply intrigued. And then she shoots the Borg Queen. Dying and desperate, the Queen tells Jurati that if she dies, the part of her that is already in Jurati's brain will die, too, and Jurati will know nothing but gnawing emptiness and loneliness forever. They could be great together! And Jurati believes it and is visibly so tempted - and then she shoves the Queen's hand away and tells her "We are nothing together!"

And only then, with her dying breath, does the Borg Queen offer the one thing that has kept her alive this whole time, the one thing that finally convinces Jurati to let herself be assimilated: "You need me to get home."

Jack Crusher is faced with the Borg Queen offering to fulfill his deepest, most painful desire, and he allows her to assimilate him. Agnes Jurati is faced with the Borg Queen offering to fulfill her deepest, most painful desire and even though she wants to give in, she pushes back and pushes back, but finally allows herself to be assimilated when it's no longer just about her.

(And yes, the Borg Queen keeps insisting that Jurati is lying to herself when she says she "only" allowed the assimilation to rescue her friends, and that seems fairly true. It's very clear that Jurati is feeling inadequate and lonely and believes the Queen's words about greatness and connection. But whereas Jack gives into that pull pretty much immediately, Jurati does resist it until it becomes about more than herself. Would she have eventually given in if the only thing on offer was a promises the Borg Queen made her, and her alone? Maybe. But what we actually see on screen is her rebuffing the Queen twice despite being extremely tempted. So maybe not.)

Once they are assimilated, we get an insight into both Jurati's and Jack's experience with the Borg hivemind (though a very small hive in Jurati's case).

Jack's mind is in blissful limbo, finally at peace. He is happy. He has found the connection he has always longed for. He is loved and his way of seeing the world is finally validated as The Correct Way. Meanwhile, his assimilated body is raining down destruction on countless Starfleet ships and stations.

Jurati, on the other hand, is resisting and fighting the Borg Queen every. step. of. the. way. She gives her more control because she needs help to save her friends, and the Queen lies to her and manipulates her, all the way until she can fully take over Jurati's body. But even then, Jurati still repeatedly wrests control back, desperately trying to stop the Queen every chance she gets. There is no togetherness, no connection, no blissful loss of self in a greater whole.

I really want to emphasize this: We do not get to see a single scene where Jurati feels any real benefit from her connection to the Queen, which isn't then immediately revealed to have been a deception. The one moment of glory, the one moment that could have been a "see how great we are together?" is her big musical number at the Europa gala (and to a lesser extent the evening leading up to it, though in my opinion, Alison Pill very much acts it like Jurati is serious when she tells the Queen that none of this is fun or enjoyable. We've seen Jurati when she's conflicted. This is not that). But every. single. positive. experience. at the gala is immediately made moot when it's revealed it was all a tactic the Queen was using to manipulate Jurati. Any connection or togetherness that might have existed throughout the evening is immediately turned against Jurati and she is basically shown that believing in those things was a mistake, because they were a lie.

So, how is it, that when it comes to the climaxes of their stories, Jack is the one who leaves the Borg behind and Jurati is the one who chooses to stay?

When Picard links himself up to Jack and tells him he isn't alone and Picard loves him and understands his loneliness, Jack rebuffs him. He rejects the hand Picard is reaching out because Jack is "where he belongs": one with the Borg, finally at peace. He makes it clear that he sees the person who lovingly reaches out to him, but it's not enough.

The one time, the only real time, somebody reaches out to Jurati, it's Rios at the gala. He tells her that he sees her, he cares deeply about her, he's here to listen and wants her to talk to him so they can connect. But we don't actually find out how Jurati feels about that. She's using her glib deflecting, jokey persona to isolate herself from real emotion, but she seems to melt a little when Rios tells her "I care about you. You know that." And then the Borg Queen destroys the moment by kissing Rios before Jurati herself has a chance to take a position on what he's been saying.

Does she not believe Rios when he says he cares about her? Is Rios's care not enough? Is it only romantic love that would make her whole? Would even romantic love never be able to live up to the Special Relationship the Borg Queen is dangling just outside Jurati's reach? We never find out. Jurati is never allowed to reject the hand that is held out to her.

And then, there's the actual climax.

Imagine you're writing a story. Your character has been getting seduced by this enigmatic, sinister force and has finally given in and joined them, even though that could mean destruction not only of themselves but of everyone and everything they love. What is the endpoint of that story? What is the decision your character needs to make for their arc to feel satisfying? What has it all been building up to?

In the vast majority of cases, that decision, that central question at the core of their story, will be: "will they decide to remain with the seductive force and fully give themselves up (maybe changing the force for the better along the way)? Or will they reject them and return to their humanity?"

Jack gets to make that decision. We see him feel connection, acceptance and peace, finally, for the first time in his life, when he joins the Borg. And then Picard comes and offers Jack an alternative. Tells him that there is another way to escape the loneliness, and demonstrates it through his willingness to die for/with his son. And Jack Crusher, being presented with these two options, chooses to go with Picard.

We never see Jurati make that decision. We never get a moment where the narrative acknowledges that maybe, just maybe, there might be another path for Jurati to not feel lonely anymore. The writers might say it's what they're doing, but they don't show us that. When Rios tells Agnes she's not alone, we don't see her agree or disagree, it's entirely left hanging. And after that, there is no moment where anyone steps between Jurati and the Borg Queen and says: "She is lying to you about this being the only way forward, there are other paths out of loneliness and isolation. Please, choose to come with us."

We don't even see Jurati struggle with the conundrum of "should I give in and let the Borg Queen take over or should I try and stop this in some way?" (Which, incidentally, was pretty much Agnes's big turning point in season 1, where we very clearly see her trying to decide whether to follow the mission Oh assigned her or to put an end to it - and then pick the latter path by dosing herself with the hypospray, disabling the tracker at the risk of her own life.)

Instead, in season 2, we are only shown the outcome of Jurati's decision. Her choice to make the Borg Queen an offer happens offscreen. We don't have any insight into Jurati's thought process, we don't see her agonizing over her different options. Hell, we don't even get confirmation that she knows she has options!

Jack Crusher has his dad standing in front of him and the Borg all around, and he gets to choose which of them he trusts to help him feel less alone. Jurati has the Borg Queen, who has been deceiving, manipulating, and abusing her all season, and no other alternative. And she doesn't choose, she is shown to have chosen.

I know I've said this before, but it bears repeating: the character who does make a decision, who is offered two clear paths and gets to pick one, based on everything that has happened to them throughout the season, the real focus of the Borgati storyline, is the Borg Queen. What the season 2 writers give us is not Jurati's character arc, it's the Queen's.

Jack Crusher is a main character. He gets to learn and change and grow, and, in the end, he gets to make a decision about his fate (on screen, which is what counts in this kind of Holywood-adjacent storytelling). Jurati is a supporting character in someone else's story.

We don't know why she ends up choosing the Borg. Is it because she hopes creating a voluntary collective will eventually give her that feeling of connection? Is it because she did actually feel something other than annoyance, dread, and betrayal while she was sharing her consciousness with the Borg Queen, and she wants to keep that feeling? Is it because she thinks assimilation is going to be terrible, but at least it's better than what she was feeling before? Is it a desperate tactic to save her friend, who is currently bleeding out at her feet? The writers never tell us.

Jurati's passionate speech to the Borg Queen about creating a new collective never touches on what she, Jurati, actually wants. At no point does she say that she thinks doing this will be good for her. She explains how it will benefit the Borg Queen, she lays out how it is a net positive for the world. But never once does Jurati say that this new collective is what she wants for herself.

Don't get me wrong, Jack Crusher's story is written terribly! His motivation is weak, his growth is minimal, he faces absolutely no consequences for his actions, his reasons for running to the Borg in the first place are childish (and while the character is supposed to be 23, that is undercut by casting an actor who is just way too old for the role, not just in looks but also in how he acts), and the fact that Picard, the man who spent two seasons learning to find purpose, joy, and familial and romantic love, tells Jack Crusher that the only thing that has given him a real reason to live is the bio-son he met half a week ago? Is an insult of such magnitude I will still be yelling about it in a decade.

But this one thing the writers got right: they allowed Jack the space to actually make the defining decision of his own character arc. And the fact that they were capable of this all along and chose not to do it for Jurati? That hurts incredibly deeply.

Would I have liked Agnes's story in season 2 if it was actually hers and we saw her being offered the choice between the Borg and humanity and choose the Borg? No, probably not. In my opinion, it goes against everything that defined Agnes's story in season 1 and warps her character in a way that I, personally, find deeply hurtful and troubling (hence why I usually distinguish between season 1 Agnes and season 2 Jurati). But at least I wouldn't be so angry every time I saw a reviewer point to "Jurati's arc" as something season 2 got right.

And now, after rewatching the finale of season 3, I finally have a much clearer way to illustrate what was missing and why it makes me so angry and sad. The writers had it in them to tell a story about a lonely person seeking connection and being made to choose between finding it with the Borg or wihtin humanity. They wrote exactly this story for Jack, and had him choose humanity. With Jurati, they might have intended to write a story about a lonely person seeking connection and have her choose the Borg in the end. Instead, they wrote a story about the Borg that has a lonely person in it, but in the end that person's feelings, characterization, and choices aren't all that important.

And seeing that praised as "Jurati's arc" will never be anything but devastatingly painful to me.

#long post #seriously... so long... #star trek picard #star trek picard season 2 #star trek picard season 3 #picard spoilers #picard saltiness #agnes jurati #jack crusher #borg queen #storytelling #character arcs #why yes i *am* once again yelling about season 2 #listen #jack's character arc in season 3 is SO DUMB #it's unoriginal and insulting and i hate it! so this is by no means a defence #but it did really highlight this issue for me in a new way and gave me a much better example to articulate and illustrate my thoughts! #and just to pre-empt one particular objection: this is NOT about shipping #i LIKE (S1) agnes and rios together #and i don't find the psycho-sexual horror show that is jurati and the borg queen intriguing. you do you but it's not for me #but it's not about shipping #it's not that i want agnes and rios to get together in the end #it could have been picard who reaches out to jurati. or raffi. or SEVEN who has actually faced this exact dilemma before and chosen humanit #or it could have been rios telling her he cares about her in a non-romantic way. in this case i might have even preferred that to romance #this is not about shipping #it just breaks my heart to read all of these people once again rave about jurati's season 2 'character arc' in the context of S3 #when the arc that she actually should have had has just been given to yet another mediocre white guy #and the jurati we did get was so utterly disconnected from the agnes i fell in love with the first time i saw her laugh through her pain #it just hurts #and i guess i needed to get all of this out of my brain so i could hopfeully finally start to move on and find some closure

[snarkylinda]

Rewatching some season 1 and 2 episodes with my friend since the first episode I showed her was of season 3 (Elephant memory) and god LORD I never noticed how..... dependent of Gideon Reid was. Like he occasionally stalked alongside Morgan or Hotch with no problem sure, but whenever they were in the same room Spencer would almost automatically seek for him with his eyes and lean toward him (sometimes literally, like the mini hug they shared when they found that girl's body on the water) like during Spence's BD he went to Jason when he felt overwhelmed, and in Empty Planet there is this lil bit when Gideon leaves the author and Spence's eyes linger on her for a moment before he rushes toward his mentor (who is walking in a normal pace btw, so there was no reason for Reid to rush since he wasn't really being left behind) and like, on Somebody is Watching Spencer brought him to the art thing cause he know it would be awkward with his ex-classmates and he needed someone he felt confortable with and is just-

And don't get me started on how Giden started his note with "I knew you would be the one to seek for me" or the whole "Spence had you been waiting for him here all the night?"

Like??? we all knew he saw him as a father and that is pretty obvious, but it's like the kind of relationship a man would have with his dad and more like....a kid, a teenager at best, would. Like the way he follows him around like a lost puppy just yell "I am literally the most insecure person you will ever meet and never grown up of that time my dad abandoned me and I need that safe net back Idc that is a decade later and you feel safe- I really hope you don't leave me forever while I struggle to remain soberty on my own forcing me to grown more secure of myself but at the same more untrusting of asking for help and overall incredibly volatile *sips coffee*"

#criminal minds #spencer reid #jason gideon

[dr-drea]

Most Important Scenes - Nora Machwitz

The interviews of the Druck actors, which were recently published on instagram featured a question about the most important scene for each actor/character. That made me think about what other scenes I considered important for the characters, and because I'm in quarantine right now, incredibly bored and in need of another excuse to rewatch Druck again, I wrote a series of essays on my favorite scenes for each character.

I'll start with Nora.

Are you serious? No silly comment?

Nora's season is the first season of the new gen, therefore not only having to tell the story of Nora, but also introducing a lot of new characters and a new group of friends: The Cashqueens.

Of course, scene of getting back the money from the Instas was very impactful and beautifully shot, but I actually liked their follow-up reunion a little bit better.

Because here Nora says that she doesn't drink alcohol, and the rest of the group accepts it without questioning it. This establishes a direct contrast between the Cashqueens and the Instas, who always silently judged Nora with their looks (I can also see them being less accepting of the fact that Nora doesn't drink, giving how all of them handle alcohol consumption).

We can see Nora being relieved and happy about that, finally finding a group of friends where she feels fully accepted and understood. This is one of my favorite scenes, because it describes the Cashqueens as a friendgroup really well. Whatever the issue or struggle of one person, the others are not judging and trying to support each other.

Because you're an alcoholic, Mom, and Nora is taking on tasks she shouldn't do.

When Mina was asked about the most important scenes for her, she was mentioning the scenes where the three sisters are together. And I heavily agree with her here. In my opinion, Druck season 5 provided the most detailed description of a character's family dynamics.

One scene that has really stuck itself into my mind is 'intervention', where Zoe and Kiki try to convince Nora to move out and their mom to go into therapy.

We see how emotionally upsetting this is for each of the four of them, with Zoe being angry and screaming at her mom, Kiki being heartbroken and on the verge of tears, their mom desparately trying to defend herself and Nora being overwhelmed/dissociating.

Another aspect that makes this scene really important is, that we see Nora buying alcohol for her mom. We saw her dealing with her moms addiction in several ways before, e.g. emptying the bottles, but this clearly shows that her mom has a problem, and that Nora is directly involved in it.

You're not crazy. You just need help.

This is one of my favorite scenes from season 5. It is the moment where Nora finally finds the space and the words to really open up to someone about her problems, describing how she felt while dissociating. She has tried to explain herself to Josh as well, but this time she is way calmer. And she asks a question which has probably been on her mind for quite a while now: "Am I crazy?"

Kiki clearly says no to that, and suggests that Nora needs professional help. After turning away from her loved ones, using unhealthy coping mechanisms and almost getting lost in Berlin, this is Nora's turning point. Now, with her sisters support, she can finally start getting better.

You can leave any time.

Even in high-developed countries with high levels of education, mental illnesses and psychotherapy are still stigmatized and not talked enough about. With including Nora's first therapy session, Druck is contributing to a destigmatization of going to therapy, highlighting that she is not forced to be there and that she can actively contribute to the therapy process instead of being subject to her therapist.

And I think it's quite impressive that season 5 managed to introduce a lot of new characters, told Nora's story with depth and attention to detail, developed Spiderwitz really well and managed to adress important issues revolving around mental illnesses.

In the end, Nora is giving the therapy a chance and is willing to work on herself in order to get better.

What did you feel? - I had a fucking cramp in my leg!

Of course i couldn't leave this scene out.

Nora is feeling something for the first time after weeks, and the first person she wants to tell it is Josh.

I love this scene, because it is beautiful and absolutely heartwarming and so many emotions happening at once. Nora being relieved, but also worried about the feelings going away again and maybe also a bit overwhelmed of everything. And Josh beaming with joy because of the good news, carefully taking in every word she is saying.

One aspect I always liked about Druck is that their dialogues always tend to have some realistic elements in it, sort of 'grounding' them. And even their take on the iconic 'Minute by Minute' scene which had very much potential to be very cheesy and loose their realistic touch, didn't feel like a 'movie scene'. I still think Nora and Josh could be two real persons actually having this conversation.

Apart from that, it is a beautiful 'end of the beginning' of the Spiderwitz relationship. These two had so many instances of healthy communication and support throughout the season, so that I was without doubts after watching this scene, that these two could face and overcome whatever was ahead of them, together.

#druck #druck season 5 #druck nora #nora machwitz #tw alcoholism #tw mental illness

[juneviews]

axelle judges non bl shows > The Player

summary: A group of rich and influential people get tangled into a murder mystery that might cost them their reputation.

where to watch: youtube

grade: 7,5/10

pros:

- this is definitely an entertaining show. the mystery is there, and you wanna follow along for the ride very easily. I frankly never got bored in front of it, and patiently awaited new episodes to have more answers.

- the locations, color-grading and outfits were really great. still living for giwi’s colorful but luxurious-looking wardrobe. you can tell quite a bit of thought went into the show & its visual elements were really great.

- the cast has practically all of my faves so for that reason alone it’s a must-watch show to me!

cons:

- the ending was quite disappointing imo, nothing that I wanted to see happen, happened...

- the characters aren’t the most lovable in my opinion. let me compare with 2 other gmmtv shows with ensemble casts and sort of “messy” storylines like this one, that form a sort of gmmtv holy trinity of mess imo with the player. friend zone is a good example bc it has the same director, and in its season 1, while watching all the drama unfold is definitely fun, it’s hard to feel attached to these characters bc we don’t know much about them & the show definitely is more drama-focused than personality-focused. however, in season 2, I personally felt much more attached to the characters bc there was character development, not only since the first season, but also all throughout the sequel. the third show, ps: I hate you, though, manages imo to have compelling characters from the get-go, bc while they’re all extremely flawed, we’re also allowed to see their pain since the beginning, and the character development already seems to be there in the first few episodes. ALL OF THAT TO SAY, that the player doesn’t really do that?? most characters end up exactly where they started, or imo in a worse, less interesting place. it was hard to care for eve, bc she was presented as perfect & then SHOWN as perfect during the show. tim went from fuckboy with daddy issues to goody two-shoes out of literal thin air & I’m sorry to say he became boring. tin was cute but boring af. the only interesting characters were giwi, chimon’s character, mims, and drake’s character. and even then, apart for chimon & drake, I didn’t really care if they lived or died. pitch was interesting in his own rights but again, he had very little development. therefore, the meat of the show, the characters, felt actually pretty empty & imo failed to leave a long-lasting impact on its viewers.

- the ships were so fucking boring, man. tim & eve are literally one of the worst ships I’ve seen in a while, which sucks bc I love both jane & joss. tin & mims were a bit more interesting but still sooooooo fucking unhealthy & boring most of the time. pitch & matt definitely were interesting, but them ending up together after all was fucking terrible lol. overall for me this show promised 3 things: a messy entertaining storyline, a character-focused story & ships. it only delivered on one of these things.

would I rewatch it: I mean if the occasion calls for it, yes, but in general, no.

Overall this is still a show I would recommend because it is definitely fun to watch even though the ending was disappointing. Definitely not at the top of my list of the best thai dramas though.

#axelle judges non bl shows #the player #the player the series #bypiningbisexuals

[moonlightperseus]

That's fair that does sound bad, I'm sorry

I read Gideon because it's one of my friends favourite books but I think that's the only example I have. And there's not, no. I always feel like I'm wasting my time for doing certain hobbies that I love, so it's harder to take free time for someone else's hobby, so that makes sense.

I'm just so bad at watching television, I really wanted to watch it once Babs came in but I couldn't ever get through season 2, it's not even a comment on the show it's a comment on my inability to pay attention.

I am VERY glad I did!! I just finished reading hold still on Libby with my library card which is very rewarding because it was a book I'd wanted to buy AND I'm currently listening to the Graceling Audio book so it's definitely paying off. And I don't usually guess plot points due to the whole "head empty" thing. The first book I ever annotated was the Bell Jar and there's just no highlights until the very end (in which I had to physically resist the urge to highlight every single thing to do with Dr. Nolan) so I'm really not you're gal to tell you if anything was shocking. (Granted I did tell my friend I thought a character had bad vibes and I was right and she was impressed, so)

I personally think Harrow would've fucked me over if I had to listen to it. I already go in and out of paying attention to audio books and Harrow was so confusing for the first like 90% I would've been screwed. Audio books are harder for me because I *can't* do anything else- I have three hobbies, reading, writing, and drawing. I can't do two words at once so my only option if I want to listen to an audiobook is draw and especially since I just loan them from the library there's a lot of stress to draw for like 20 hours in two weeks.

I got to 12. I just keep forgetting it's there. You just like,, click too far into the next issue (page 1) and you're like... "well fuck since I've started-"

I saw that when I looked I just didn't know but fair!!!

I might try!! (I might even do a better job since I have the physical comics)

That's fair, I get that/ Hopefully you like year zero then! (when you get to it) I've never been able to complete sudoku, I know how it works I'm just stupid lmao. And that's fair, my laptop fucking sucks, I need to buy a new one before I start school again but God I don't want to pay for it who cares if this one can barely open the internet.

I imagine it was his phone but I didn't ask. He was kind of sketchy. At one point he tried to give me candy and I said I didn't trust him and then his coworker took a piece and asked if it was weed because "it wouldn't be the first time"

I am!! I just went to my local comic-con (very little comic anything- it was very disappointing. 90% of it was anime which was frustrating because we also have a yearly anime convention, but that's not why I'm telling you) I didn't notice a lot of the cosplays (due to the "oh god why am I here this is terrifying" feelings and the need to not get separated from my big brothers) but as I was leaving I DID see (or my brother pointed out to me, more accurately) a VERY good cosplay of Black Canary. I did not ask for a picture because we were leaving and I am shy but I have been thinking about it since lmao. She alone made me want to just like draw Black Canary for the rest of my life.

ok sorry for the delay in response life’s been busy and when i’m not busy w work i’ve been consumed by a rewatch of a silly tv show from like. eight years ago.

i will say s3 of titans (the season babs was in) definitely felt like the lowest point of the show imo. it was too doom and gloom gotham. but seeing an actual disabled person cast as babs was so cool, she was a fantastic babs she just wasn’t given a whole lot and a good chunk of it just felt like she was just there as a love interest for dick which was very frustrating to me :/

yeah i definitely think there are probably some small bits i missed with listening to the locked tomb books but a good audiobook is my favorite thing for a long drive.

i did read year zero and it was fun. loved seeing harley and ivy be gay and do crime. (and ivy beating up the joker!!)

still haven’t started injustice2 however i’ve been bouncing around reading some current dc runs (hawkgirl, powergirl, wonder woman and the amazons attack comic) and some older stuff (i read an old zatanna special because i was in a zatanna mood) i keep telling myself to read injustice2 and then getting distracted 😔

ooh a comic con that’s cool!! i’ve never been to one, i kinda would like to go to one but also they sound so overwhelming so idk if i ever will. maybe if i find someone to go with. LOVE that you saw a black canary cosplay that’s so cool i love that also you SHOULD draw black canary for the rest of your life (maybe just not. only black canary. variety is good!)

sorry that my response is a little short this time my brain is made of spaghetti tonight but i really wanted to respond bc i feel bad that this ask has been sitting in my inbox for several days. hope you are doing well!! (and hopefully i will actually start on injustice2 soon so i can share my thoughts with u!!)

#comics anon #abby replies

[sporksaber]

After sitting on it for a day, here's some overall thoughts I had about Wednesday. And this is going to have spoilers

As a whole I enjoyed the show, but to be honest I dont want to watch it again.

I think the show overall lacked emotion. When characters had big emotional moments they often felt stilted. And I dont just mean Wednesday being awkward. The writing felt too direct at a lot of points. The big emotional moments just didnt hit.

The pacing for the entire show was kind of off, and I feel like that caused a lot of the lagging emotion.

It felt like they just gave up on balancing the supernatural mystery and the school stuff. Past episode three it felt shoved into any empty space they had. Enid suffered from this a lot. Her wolf issues didnt feel fleshed out at all. It was like they took a list of important story points and shoved those in with nothing to connect them.

But the lack of emotion affected wednesday a lot. She didnt feel like she was spiral despite how much they said she was. She doesnt seem stressed or frantic at all until her confrontation with the therapist. And because she doesnt seem stressed almost killing her friends and torturing tyler feels like the show saying "this is the real wednesday, despite the last 6 episodes saying otherwise."

Overall, it felt rushed.

I liked her interactions with her family but I wish they'd given glimpses of traditional addams family bonding outside of talking about their childhood. If there had been a scene or two that read as addams family™ the rest of their relationship would of played better.

I'd rewatch season one if a second season comes out, but not otherwise.

Mystery things:

The teacher who ended up being evil felt very believably fake. I feel like everyone watching probably clocked her as off immidiently. The gifts and smiley checking in was toned down and even enough that it is easily believed as a measured act without definitly being one. I felt like her dropping the act could of been toned down a bit, but I liked it over all.

The principal being a red herring because she was an old friend of morticias who obviously didnt like her anymore was a good choice. And Morticia being completely oblivious was kind of funny.

I never thought it was the long haired guy, he never vibed that way. I thought he might know when he was first shown coming out of the shed, but after he said what actually happened I didnt suspect him again.

I stopped suspecting the principal when she was revealed to be a shapeshifter. Her saying the teacher was a normie made me positive she was involved.

I first clocked Tyler as the monster when wednesday started suspecting the therapist, and was positive when he didnt die in the gates house.

I felt like ths therapist being the villain was off because they showed her being into wierd taxidermy. And when wednesday went to confront her and I saw it was halfway through episode seven I knew she was going to die. Which is sad, I liked her.

(On people dying, the moment the mortician says hes retiring I was like awww, hes so fun tho? Because characters who are about to retire always die.)(also, the bubblegum would of been there multiple days implying the cameras are never checked to be working which is sus.)

Anyway, the reveal. THE REVEAL. "What does it feel like... to lose?" That line was the best in the show. The delivery? Immaculate. I was screaming.

I wish it had stopped there though. Or at least made him more manic, it'd fit with the cover of confronting the girlfriend who just tortured you. Everything after that felt really lame. Once the "holy shit that was perfect" feeling wore off I got kind of bored. Also the rest of the station def looked like they were in hearing distance.

#netflix wednesday #wednesday #wednesday (2022) #wednesday addams #enid wednesday

[talatomaz]

defenceless | jj x fem!teen!reader

a/n: i’ve been rewatching criminal minds and i can’t believe it’s been a year since i last wrote for jj. and i have no idea where this came from.

(feedback/positive comments are appreciated)

warnings: major references to blood/being stabbed. mentions of assault

word count: 2.7k

masterlist | request list | request rules

r is jj’s 19 year old adopted daughter and gets victimised after stopping an unsub from assaulting someone

i do not give you permission to repost or translate my fics on any platform - likes/reblogs are okay and are much appreciated

“Morning, baby.”

You smiled when your Mum came up behind you and softly kissed your head.

“Morning, Mum. I made you some breakfast.”

You said, pouring coffee into the seasoned profiler’s ‘No.1 Mom’ mug that you’d gotten for her several years ago.

You’d gifted it to her on the first Mother’s Day you had with her after she adopted you. And she used it that morning and every morning since.

“God, what’d I do to deserve a daughter like you?”

JJ said proudly as she dug into her breakfast, happily munching on a piece of toast as she looked through her case file. Whatever dark, horrific crime she and her team were investigating simplified down to a few pages in that brown file.

“Busy day?” You asked, leaning against the kitchen counter, staring across at her.

“You have no idea. I’ve been up for a few hours trying to compile some notes on this case we’re working. Young, relatively low-risk, women are being raped in alleyways and there are no witnesses.”

She explained as she continued to eat whilst scribbling shorthand notes on a notepad.

“Any ideas on who you’re looking for yet?”

She hummed in answer. Swallowing her food, she replied, “Yeah, I think we have a preliminary profile that we want to release to the public later today.”

Pouring the rest of her coffee into a travel cup, she put her files in her bag and placed it on the counter you were resting against.

“You got class today?”

You were studying criminology, wanting to follow in your mother’s footsteps and become a profiler.

Nodding, you answered, “Yeah, then some of my friends and I are gonna head to the mall. And yes, I’ll message you constantly, so you know.”

You added when your mother opened her mouth to presumably ask that very question.

“Thanks, sweetie. Whoever our unsub is, he’s targeting women your age and considering he’s probably here right now, I need to know you’re safe.”

“I know, Mum. Now go, you don’t want to be late for work. Hotch only lets you be late once, you know.” You smirked.

“Yes, I know. Bye, y/n. I love you.” Your mother mirrored your expression and kissed your cheek.

“I love you too.” You replied, handing your Mum her keys and you watched her leave as the white door closed gently behind her.

***

“Maybe just call him out on it and see what he says?”

You suggested to your friend, Kerri, after she explained her boyfriend troubles to you and your other friend, Ally.

“I mean, the worst that could happen is-”

You stopped mid-sentence when you heard a muffled scream. Furrowing your brows, you walked closer to where the sound came from; an alleyway behind an old warehouse.

Remembering your mother’s earlier profile, you whispered to your friends, “Stay behind me.”

“Y/N, what is it?”

“Not sure.”

Inching around the corner, you saw two figures behind a dumpster. The smaller figure, who appeared to be a blonde female, was struggling against the male standing over her.

“Hey! Get away from her!”

Shouting, you ran up to the two and watched as the man’s head whipped around to face you before he darted off, jumping over a fence.

Approaching the woman, you saw she was half naked and had blood seeping from her nose.

“Oh god. Call 911, she’s been assaulted.” You said quickly to your friends who stood behind you, shocked at what they had just witnessed.

Hearing Kerri following your instructions, you took off the jacket you were wearing and wrapped it around the exposed girl.

“H-He tried to r-r-”

Unable to form the words, the girl started to sob at her ordeal.

“I know. It’s okay, honey. What’s your name?” You asked, speaking quietly to try to calm her as if she was a spooked animal.

“A-Annie.” She choked out as she tugged your jacket closer around her.

“Annie, you’re safe now. He can’t hurt you.”

The former began to sob harder and fell against your chest. Wrapping one arm around her, you used the other to take out your phone to call your Mum.

“Shh, it’s okay, Annie. You’re okay.” You said, soothing the distraught girl who was currently crying her heart out against you.

“Hey, y/n, what’s up?”

After quickly explaining what had just transpired, JJ told you and your friends to remain where you were since you were all witnesses and that she’d be there soon.

“You did good, babygirl.”

Morgan said, handing you a cup of coffee.

You were currently sitting at your mother’s desk at the BAU, having already given your statement to both local police and your Mum’s team at the crime scene. Emily and Spencer had driven your friends home whilst you came with your Mum to her work - she refused to leave you alone, even though you’d argued that it was still daylight and you’d be fine.

You didn’t reply, deciding to sip the hot drink, wincing when it burned your tongue.

“He’s right, y/n. Most people probably wouldn’t have heard anything.”

You glanced up at your Mum who stood above you, her hand resting on your shoulder.

“What will happen now? To the unsub, I mean. I interrupted him so he never managed to rape Annie.”

“He’ll probably try to hurt someone else.”

You turned to face Hotch as he approached you and the rest of his team.

“I just got off the phone with the hospital. They’ve discharged Annie into the care of her parents. She wanted me to tell you ‘thank you’.”

“I’m glad she’s okay. Physically anyways. So, you think he’ll get sloppy? Since he never got to...finish, he’s probably going to be antsy right? He might make a mistake?” You asked, hopeful that your Mum would catch him soon.

“More than likely. He’s definitely going to be angry, especially since we’ve just released the profile along with the sketch you helped us with, y/n.” Hotch answered, a gleam of pride in his eyes.

“Anything I could do to help,” you replied.

Standing up, you faced your Mum, “I think I’m going to go home. I’m kind of exhausted.”

“I’ll drive you h-”

“It’s okay,” you interrupted your Mum, “you’re busy here and you’ve got a lot of work to do. Besides, it’s only mid-afternoon so I’ll be fine. I-I just need some air.” You said, your voice faltering when you felt tears forming.

Clearing your throat, you held back your emotions and kissed your Mum on her cheek, “I’ll message you when I get home.”

“Okay, baby. I’m proud of you.”

The tall blonde hugged you close to her which you returned with as much ferocity, her hands stroking your hair as she cradled your head against her.

Bidding your goodbyes to the rest of the team, you left the federal building.

“JJ, you okay?” Morgan asked.

JJ had heard the emotion in your voice and though she was proud to have seen you comforting the most recent victim, it had hurt her heart to see what came after the ambulance drove away with an injured Annie in the back.

Once you’d given your statement and described the unsub to her and her team, she’d followed you to her old vacant office from her media liason days where you’d broken down.

She had watched you hold yourself together by a thread all throughout the questioning but had known that the adrenaline high would crash soon. And you quite literally did crash. In her arms, the moment she had closed the door behind her.

She had fought back her own tears as she gathered you into her arms, soothing you as you did earlier with Annie.

She’d tried as hard as she could to keep you away from her world.

She didn’t want you to be exposed to any more darkness than you’d already experienced when you were younger, before you’d met her.

“JJ?”

The blonde blinked, breaking away from her thoughts to stare back at the rest of the team.

“She did good, JJ.” Morgan repeated as JJ simply nodded, not knowing what to say.

***

Taking out your phone, you sent a message to your group chat with Kerri and Ally, wanting to make sure they were okay.

After receiving replies from the both of them confirming that they were fine and just a bit shaken up, you placed your phone back in your pocket.

Sighing, you continued walking down the relatively empty street; the majority of people either at work or school, unaware of what had happened just a few hours earlier.

You thought about Annie and later crying in your Mum’s arms. You didn’t even know why you did. Spencer probably would have given you some fact about adrenaline crashes but you shook your head, feeling self-conscious.

There was no need for you to break down like that.

All it achieved was your Mum being worried about you which was the last thing you wanted because it meant she’d be distracted from doing her job. Catching this asshole.

Hands in your pockets, you felt the bright sun shine down on your face.

Stopping for a brief moment, you glanced up at the sky, and allowed yourself to breathe.

As you were about to carry on walking, you felt a harsh grip on your arm pull you into an abandoned parking lot.

You thrashed against the strong hold, the self-defence skills your Mum taught you kicking in.

Stomping on the large figure’s foot, you smirked at the grunt of pain that fell from his lips. Then you elbowed them in their stomach and threw your head back into theirs. Hearing more shouts of pain, you started to run before you were roughly pushed against a brick wall.

Your breaths came out in heavy pants and your eyes widened as you stared into familiar eyes.

It was the unsub.

He held himself tight against you, pulling a switchblade from his pocket and into your view. Your eyes flickered from the sharp blade to his eyes. They were filled with fury as blood dripped from his nose - from when you’d head butted him.

“Good. So you recognise me.” His voice was hoarse, as if he’d swallowed a bunch of nails.

“What do you want?” You spat out, refusing to show any indication of fear to him.

“You ruined the other girl for me. But you seem like a challenge. I like that.”

Pressing the knife against your neck, he used his free hand to undo his belt.

You barely controlled the terror that threatened to rise through your body. Instead, you tried to focus on the pressure of his weapon, waiting for a slight reprieve where you could make your move to escape.

That moment came when he unzipped his trousers.

The pressure lightened for a few seconds which was all you needed.

Grabbing his wrist, you twisted the knife away from you and kneed him in the groin. Pushing him away, you stumbled, trying to escape.

But he was quick on his feet.

He swiftly picked up the knife that had fallen to the floor and thrust it into your stomach.

You groaned, the pain unlike anything you had ever experienced before. Your hand instinctively went to your stomach as blood started to coat your clothing.

You slumped down the wall as the unsub crouched down, sneering at you, “Bitch.”

Tapping the ground behind you, you felt a piece of broken glass in your fingers. Gripping it tightly, you gathered all your strength and plunged it into his neck.

He yelled out, his hand going to the glass that was still in his flesh.

Recognising what he was about to do, you clambered to your feet and watched as he pulled the shard, of what appeared to be from a broken beer bottle, out of his skin. Blood splatted all over the wall that you had been against, just moments before.

Blood continued to seep out from your wound.

You took off your jacket - the one you had previously wrapped around Annie - and pressed it against your skin. You groaned at the white hot pain that seared through your skin.

Knowing you were only down the street from the Quantico building, you took out your phone and called your Mum as you walked, as well as you could in your condition, back to the federal building.

“You home already?”

“M-Mum, c-come outside. I-I need you.” You choked out, trying to steady your breathing.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

You could hear her shouting to the rest of her team before she continued to talk into the phone.

You made it to the entrance of the federal building but you were too overcome with exhaustion and you felt yourself drop to the floor.

You could hear shouts from the people around you as they watched blood pool around you.

“Oh my god. Y/N!”

You heard your Mum yell as she fell to your side, pressing her hands heavily against your wound.

You barely heard as Hotch called 911, stating his name and rank and urged for an ambulance to be sent immediately.

You struggled to keep your eyes open as you looked up at your Mum.

“Come on, baby. Stay awake for me.” JJ begged, tears carelessly running down her face.

“It hurts, Mum.”

“I know, baby. I know. But you’re strong. Stay with me. How’d this happen?”

JJ knew the only way to keep you awake was to continue talking so your brain could still remain active.

“H-He’s dead. He attacked me. I-In a car park. Down there.”

You weakly raised your hand and pointed towards the direction you had come from.

“Good girl. Just stay with me. You’re going to be okay. Y/N? Y/N!”

JJ screamed when she watched your eyes flutter closed as you lost consciousness.

***

“Woah, y/n. It’s just me.”

JJ said quickly when you jumped as she came up behind you to kiss your head.

It had been a few weeks since you’d been stabbed.

You’d woken up in a hospital, hooked up to all sorts of machines monitoring your heart rate. Your eyes had fallen on your mother who, once she saw you were awake, started to cry and hug you close to her. That then made you start crying and the two of you were just a pile of tears as you clung to each other.

After the tears had stopped and the doctors had checked up on you, JJ had told you that they’d found the unsub in a parking lot a few blocks from the BAU.

A couple of days after, you’d been discharged from the hospital. Your mother had stayed by your side up until this week when you had urged her to go back to work.

That had led you to now. She’d just arrived home from work and you hated that you were still on edge after your attack, despite your Mum telling you it was normal.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, honey.” JJ said softly as she came to sit beside you on the sofa.

You both sat in silence for a few moments before you spoke, your voice coming out in a whisper.

“I’m scared, Mum.”

You felt her eyes on you as she spoke, “Scared? He’s dead, y/n. He can’t hurt you.”

“I know, I just-In that moment when I fought him, I was so defenceless. And I’m scared of what will happen the next time I can’t defend myself.”

You continued, tears welling in your eyes as you stared ahead, unable to face your mother.

“Y/N,” JJ gently turned your face so she could look into your eyes.

“Am I defenceless?”

You blinked, having not expected that question. “What? No.”

“Exactly. I’m not. But I felt like it after I was kidnapped and tortured a few years ago. It’s normal to feel like that, y/n. But it’ll pass. I can promise you that.”

“It’s like I can feel him stabbing me over and over again.” You choked out, failing to force your tears back down.

“Oh, baby.”

JJ gently pulled you to her as she wrapped her arms around your body. She cradled your head against her chest as you clung to her arms, now sobbing.

“I got you, y/n. You’re safe. I got you.” She repeated, soothing you as you continued to cry.

Still hugging you against her, she kissed your head,

“As long as you have me, you’ll never be defenceless.”

#criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #jennifer jareau #jennifer jareau x reader #jj x reader #jennifer jareau imagine #emily prentiss #emily prentiss x reader #derek morgan #derek morgan x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #penelope garcia #penelope garcia x reader #david rossi #david rossi x reader #jemily #aj cook #paget brewster #cm #cm x reader #criminal minds imagine #c: jennifer jareau #c: defenceless #s: mine #c: jj x d!r

[shimmershae]

The more I think about it, the more “Find Me” feels like an echo of “Ghosts.”

Allow me to explain.  In probably the most rambling and incoherent way possible, lol.  My earlier post on Twitter about Season 10 being an exercise in grief and longing really got me to thinking.  Not just thinking.  Ruminating.  

Anywho.  

Posting the rest of this beneath a cut because nobody asked for this (I swear I haven’t imbibed or ingested any illegal substances).  

It doesn’t take long for Carol to be established as an unreliable narrator in “Ghosts.”  At first it isn’t completely obvious because there’s just enough fact in the fiction that Carol’s triggered brain stirs up.  Daryl’s there and he’s concerned about her.  He’s supportive.  Both things he’d been before, especially since Henry’s death, but there are just enough elements in those chemically and grief induced hallucinations of hers that make you go--oh wait a minute.  Like she’s having a break from reality but she’s desperately grasping for that which grounds her and that’s Daryl.  

Am I making any sense here?  I feel like I’m not.  

Let me approach this from another angle.  

Following the airing of “Find Me” various people mentioned that Daryl, similarly to Carol in “Ghosts” wasn’t exactly the most reliable narrator.  That things weren’t necessarily as they seemed.  The word toxic was bandied about but other than Leah giving Daryl an ultimatum to choose her over his family and Daryl dwelling in deep, longstanding depression?  There wasn’t much else overtly deserving of that moniker. 

Argh.  I’m still not explaining myself well.  Let me just jump right in the deep end of probable delusion here.  Sometimes it’s fun to splash around, lol.   

Wouldn’t it be wild—sad AF but still wild—if Leah was already dead when Daryl met her?  

Bear with me here.   

Like Carol in “Ghosts” Daryl is obviously struggling.  He’s grief-stricken.  His brother is lost to him and after he betrayed him no less.  His close friend is mired in her own grief--she’s just lost her mate, probably recently discovered she was carrying RJ, and it wasn’t too long before that they had all lost Carl.  And that’s not even considering Carol, who’s allowed herself to be pulled away, lured by the tantalizing chance of doing things right this time.  Of rearing a child capable of surviving in the harsh world they live in.  Another thing to remember is Daryl is not that far removed from his torture at Negan’s hands.  So he’s more fragile than he’d willingly admit to anyone.  

He’s searching the woods for a man that isn’t there.  Now he’s no more aware that Rick was taken than the rest of Team Family, but he’s unwilling to give up hope and so he searches and because Rick’s not there and hasn’t been since shortly after that bridge blew up, Daryl’s doomed to always come up empty.  To always feel disappointment.  To never have his grief assuaged because as long as there’s no body in the form of a Walker, there’s still hope.  Or plausible denial.  Take your pick.  

He’s tireless in his search.  He’s methodical.  He plots out the places he’s already scoured on a hand-drawn map.  A map that just so happens to get ruined by an awful storm and Daryl seems to reach his breaking point, screaming out into the roar of that storm.  Walking through the barrage, the harsh rain and the violent lightning, unconcerned for his safety.  

Dude has a bit of a mental break.  He’s undeniably emotional.  

It’s not long after that he stumbles upon Dog.  Or, more aptly, Dog stumbles upon him.  

That puppy immediately lightens Daryl’s heavy heart and helping it find its way home gives him purpose.  He’s a tracker after all.  He could have easily traced Dog’s steps back to that cabin.  

Funny that Dog was always coming to him.  That he was roaming free in woods that were full of hidden dangers.  

I don’t know about the rest of ya’ll but that cabin looked abandoned when Daryl first discovered it.  Maybe not long abandoned, but it didn’t look inhabited by the living. And that’s the weird thing.  How did that Walker get into the cabin?  Did Leah just leave the door wide open for it?  Did she also leave the door wide open for Dog to escape?  Why was he always such an unaccompanied furry minor? 

The thoughts swirling around in my brain, lovelies.  They’re going to force me to go back and watch that fucking episode again aren’t they?

My point is that Dog essentially leads Daryl to the cabin. The Walker’s inside and then he stumbles upon Leah, who bursts onto the scene like she wants to be Sarah Connor or something. Daryl ends up in restraints and Leah questions him and ultimately lets him go and WTF, lovelies.  Who does that in the ZA?  As a woman all alone in a cabin miles from anybody else, in the company of a man she doesn’t know from Adam?  If ever there’s a time to have stranger danger...

Right from the start, this chick doesn’t really add up.

So Daryl leaves the cabin.  He resumes his search for Rick and he seems to give very little thought to this Leah or the cabin.  Until Dog finds him again.  

Strange isn’t it that he keeps stumbling back in her path around the times that Carol visits, when she draws further and further from his reach and closer to the fairytale he thinks she’s living at the Kingdom?  

Did Daryl ever go to that cabin without following Dog? I can’t remember.  The episode was beautifully shot but ultimately too painful to rewatch for my Caryl loving heart.  

Anywho.  

When Daryl and Carol come upon that cabin in the woods, Daryl’s flashbacks begin.  They’re hazy around the edges and not as clearly defined as the moments he spends with Carol.  Speaking of the moments he spends with Carol, how coincidinky that so many of them echo his moments with Leah?  Or do we have it all backwards?  Hmm?  

Things are so convoluted sometimes on this fucking show it leads one to question their sanity.  

Let me ramble out a few wild thoughts for you lovelies again and you tell me if I’ve completely lost it, lol.  

What if Dog was simply an orphaned, abandoned Dog that found Daryl in the woods?

What if Daryl followed the trail Dog had traveled in reverse and stumbled upon the cabin?  

What if the cabin was abandoned because Leah was already dead?  What if she’d taken her own life?  What if Daryl saw the cross/grave outside and the picture inside and his grief-stricken brain conjured up a whole tragic story for this woman, this Walker roaming around inside this house, and she became his coping mechanism?  You know.  Kind of like Rick did Lori when he had his own break with reality.  They’ve all suffered so much, lovelies.  They’ve all got PTSD.  It’s just manifesting in different ways.  

I mean, all of this would fit the label of sad that NR and others have given this little tale.  It would even fit toxic because Daryl let grief and loneliness swallow him for a while.  

As Carol pulls farther away from him, Leah just keeps popping up more and more.  

Daryl essentially loses himself in his own fairy tale only it’s a nightmare painted in soft colors and Leah asking him to choose is basically his own psyche saying to him “do you wanna live here in this fantasy land and numb your pain or do you want to relive the awful reality of Rick being lost and Carol slowly fading from your life day by day?”  And at first he’s like, you can’t make me make that choice because Daryl doesn’t want to give up hope, no matter how futile it seems.  But then Carol makes what she tells him might be her final visit for a while and anger leads Daryl right back to that fucking cabin and oblivion.  Back to the solitude of his tortured thoughts.  

That note, lovelies.  It felt like by choosing Leah he was choosing a lifetime of being alone more than it did him choosing the hope of a new love.  That “find me” for all the world felt like he was willing hope to find him again.  Hope in the form of love in the form of Carol.  

Listen.  I never said this would make sense, lol.  

When Daryl gets back to that cabin, Leah is gone.  Her picture is gone. 

Truly it felt like she’d never been there.  

Even more so when you consider how run down the cabin looks in present day when Daryl and Carol seek shelter in it.  

I can’t help it.  Some small part of me?  Well, it thinks that Daryl told Carol about Leah (whether she existed or not) as a way to both make her feel better than he wasn’t out there in those woods completely alone and to maybe move the needle a little bit on the nature of their own relationship.  Both in the past and present day.  

And while he and Carol are struggling through the ever-shifting nature of their feelings for each other, Daryl has climbed out of his own darkness and found hope again in Judith and RJ.  In the family he’s embraced again. In the communities.  And he’s angry and unsettled because he wants the same for Carol but she doesn’t seem to want that for herself.  

He still wants her to find hope.  

He still wants her to find him.  

He still wants her to find love and peace.  

Help me, lovelies.  These two have broken me, lol.  I promise.  I’m stone cold sober.  A little, okay a lot, tired.  

Wouldn’t it be wild, though?  If Leah really wasn’t what she seemed?  If she were a figment of a broken, lonely man’s tortured imagination?  

Undeniably sad AF but wild all the same.  

#The Walking Dead #Shae's thinky thoughts #Caryl speculation #Caryl #Carol x Daryl #Carol Peletier #Daryl Dixon #things that make me smile and cry #and giggle and giggle #for reasons

[detectivesofty]

ex’s and oh’s | j.h.

Summary: your ex and your partner, whom you have feelings for, walk into an interrogation room. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke right?

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Partner!Reader

Song I listened to while writing: Spirits by The Strumbellas also a rewatch of Season 4 of Chicago P.D.

Author’s Note: sorry for the delay, I was watching a movie with my dad and forgot the time! This has literally everything. Romance, action, excitement. READ IT! PS: The part with the interrogation might confuse you a bit, be sure to read it carefully to know who’s talking to whom!

Warnings: mentions of alcoho, child abduction, death and guns

Word Count: 3,229 words

“You’re late.”

“Don’t I know it, Sarge.”

Normally you exchanged more than a few words with Sergeant Platt when you came to the district in the morning, but this morning you were late. This week you caught a case of abducted kindergarten kids and it’s been especially hard on you. Unsurprisingly, Jay knew about it, even though you’ve adamantly insisted that nothing was wrong, and came over  with a bottle of wine.  

“They’re already questioning the witness upstairs, giggles.”

You threw a thumbs up in her direction before placing your palm on the scanner, waiting for the buzz of the door impatiently, immediately pulling the door open when it did buzz. Hurrying up the stairs, you threw a collective ‘morning, hey’ into the bullpen and knocked on Kim’s desk as a form of greeting while you walked by, finally reaching your own desk, across from Jay’s, which was conspicuously empty.

His empty seat already had your head gears turning and you glanced at Kim, who was already looking at you quizzically. It took her only a few seconds to interpret your face.

“He’s questioning the witness. In the interrogation room,” Kim said, making you jump up and lock your gun into the locker. 

“Y/N, wait-”

But you already disappeared around the corner into the observation room, where Voight was standing with his arms crossed. You made two steps into the room when you stilled, your eyes stuck on what was happening in the other room.

“So you’re telling me that you were right across the street while 15 kids were being abducted and the only thing you saw was a white van?”

“Man, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s not like I knew what was going on.”

“A bunch of kids being herded into a white van didn’t appear suspicious to you?”

“What the hell is Jay doing in there with my ex?” You sputtered and Voight only blinked at you. 

“Don’t tell me he’s the witness.”

“He’s actually the only one we’ve got,” Voight replied and you scoffed, leaning your hand against the glass. 

“Why the hell are you so riled up? Do you think I had something to do with it?”

“I don’t know, did you?”

“The jerk’s right though, why is Jay being so antagonizing?”

“Why do you think?” Voight said dryly and you pressed your lips together, shaking your head slightly when you thought about what had happened last night. 

“I told you I am fine,” you said with a sigh, but still opening the door wide enough so Jay could come in. 

“And I told you that you need to stop lying to me for two reasons,” Jay answered, leaning against the wall. “One, I am literally a detective. And two, I am your partner. You can’t lie to me.” 

Rolling your eyes playfully, you pushed the door shut and walked to the living room with Jay hot on your heels. While you took a place on the couch, Jay wandered into your kitchen to grab two wine glasses. It was weird how he felt much he felt at home at your apartment. Handing him a corkscrew, Jay quickly opened the wine bottle and poured two glasses, offering you one. 

“So. Talk to me.”

With a long sigh, you accepted the wine glass and swirled the wine in the glass, before taking a sip. You weren’t good at talking about feelings. You were good at making jokes, telling stories, nagging other people. But you rarely got raw and honest about what you felt. Jay was the same. The two of you never openly talked about your feelings for each other. You knew he loved you, but did he love you the way you loved him?

“They’re just kids, Jay. Innocent children in a kindergarten. Why would anyone abduct them? And what are they planning on doing with them? Who does something like this?” You threw the questions into the room, not expecting an answer. “I really love my job. I know we’re helping a lot of people, but this?” 

You let out a sharp exhale and Jay gently pried the wine glass out of your hand, putting glasses on the coffee table. Without anything to hold, your shaky hands dropped into your lap before Jay clasped your hands in his, effectively stopping the shaking. 

“Hey. Hey, look at me,” he said softly and you lifted your eyes to meet his. “I know this job is tough, but you can’t keep focusing on the bad stuff. How many times have you told me that? So now it’s your turn to believe, hm?”

Pressing your lips together, you nodded and gave him a small smile. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Jay gave you a look and raised an eyebrow. “Hey, I’m always right.” 

You snorted with a roll of your eyes and then gave him a push so he’d fall back on the couch, but he quickly grabbed your wrists, so you fell with him. 

“You dimwit!” You exclaimed in between laughs, leaning your arms on his chest. 

“You pushed me first!”

It was then that you realized how close you were. You swallowed thickly and tried to focus your eyes on anything but his mouth, like all the freckles dusted across his face, his beautiful green eyes and eventually, your eyes still ended up on his lips. It looked like he was looking at yours and your tongue reflexively darted out to wet your lips. 

The tension was so thick, you almost felt it all around you and at this moment, you thought to yourself: this is it. Maybe this is where Jay would reveal his true feelings for you.

But your hopes were too high.

Jay quickly averted his eyes and cleared his throat, before he gently rolled over, lying next to you. There was a brief silence and then Jay clapped into his hands, as if he’d wanted to clear the air. 

“You down for some pizza?”

“Yeah… Sure.”

The night passed relatively normal after that, but that one moment still lingered in both of your minds, especially in yours. Maybe he didn’t see you as more than a partner and friend. And now you have to watch Jay drilling your ex, out of all people in Chicago? God really liked to torture you. 

“How about you stop dicking around and tell me what happened before I arrest you for obstruction of justice?”

“Obstruction of-” Your ex jeered and then paused, furrowing his brows. “Wait a minute. You’re Y/N’s partner, aren’t you?”

You wished you could see Jay’s face instead of his back. 

“That’s Detective Y/L/N to you,” Jay said, his voice dropping lower. 

“Alright, that’s it, I am pulling him out. Burgess, you and me,” Voight said and headed out of the room. You hadn’t even noticed Kim in the doorway, and she just gave you a sympathetic look before she followed Voight into the interrogation room. 

“Halstead, take a break now,” Voight ordered as he opened the door. Jay threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.

“Sarge, I-”

“I said now!”

“Yeah, Halstead, take a break,” your ex taunted and Jay slapped the table, making him flinch when he pointed a finger at him. 

“Do not test me, you jagoff.”

With that, Jay pushed his chair back and Kim and Voight sat down across from him. Your ex, quickly having regained his composure, grinned at the two of them.

“Thanks for saving me, Halstead’s a real hothead, huh?”

“Shut your mouth.”

You stopped paying attention to the interrogation when you saw Jay walk past the open door, freezing when he saw you. 

“Y/N? How long have you been here?”

Shaking your head with a scoff, you exited the room, shouldering past him. 

“Y/N, wait, I can explain!”

You didn’t. Ignoring everyone’s eyes, you walked straight to the break room and you were about zero percent surprised when Jay followed you in there, shutting the door behind him. Still, you ignored his presence and grabbed a mug to pour yourself a coffee.

“Earth to Y/N, I am talking to you,” Jay exclaimed and laid a hand on your shoulder, turning you to face him. 

“I am trying to drink my coffee here, Halstead.”

Jay sighed and gave you a look. “Really? You’ve resorted to calling me by my last name now?”

“What do you want, Jay?” You asked, putting an unnecessary emphasis on his name just to bug him. 

“Oh my god,” Jay muttered, massaging his temples before he turned his attention back to you. “Listen. I know I shouldn’t have been so aggressive but he’s such a dick, I couldn’t help myself.”

“You always thought that he was a dick and tried to be civil to him. But you treated him like a hostile suspect in there, even though he’s the only witness in this fucking case. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Jay rubbed his chin ruefully and shrugged with his shoulders. “I just lost my cool, okay. I wasn’t actively trying to destroy this case.”

“You never lose your cool unless it’s something personal.”

“Well, this was personal. You’re my partner. He treated you like shit, ergo personal.”

He was making excuses up and both of you knew it. 

“That was a year ago, I am fine. I don’t need you to fight for my honor.”

“Cheating on your girlfriend doesn’t have a statute of limitation and-”

“What the hell Jay!” You suddenly exploded, startling him. “Stop saying stupid shit and just be honest with me. This is bullshit! Last night you came over all like ‘I am your partner, you can’t lie to me’ shit and now you have the audacity to lie to me when it’s literally about me?”

Jay heaved out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. “Okay, fine. You’re right, I am sorry, I shouldn’t lie to you… I just don’t know how to tell you this.” He paced back and forth, while you looked at him expectantly, soon he turned back to you. 

“I-” Jay began, but broke off again, cursing before he cupped your face and kissed you. 

Even though you were still mad at him, you could feel your resolve slowly melting away as he kissed you and while you were shocked for a split-second, you kissed him back the moment you had realized what was happening. You weren’t sure how long you’ve been kissing when Jay slowly pulled away, leaning his forehead against yours. 

“I’m sorry, this is probably the least appropriate place to do this, but I figured if I can’t find the words, I’ll act instead,” he mumbled softly and you nodded, not finding any words. Your head was whirring, trying to form a sentence, but before anything could come out of your mouth, someone knocked on the door and the two of you sprang apart.

“Hey, I hate to interrupt you guys,” Adam said, leaning in the doorway, “but Antonio tracked the white van your SOB ex described and it’s parked outside a warehouse in Oakly Boulevard. We gotta go right now.”

You and Jay looked at each other, faces incredibly serious. You knew this had to wait right now. 

“We’ll talk later,” you promised him and he gave a curt nod, before the two of you followed Adam to save some lives.

“Everyone in position?”

It was a couple hours later and your team was sitting outside the warehouse where the kids were held. The weather was gloomy, and even though it was only a few minutes past four pm, the sun has already set, engulfing the warehouse in darkness.

“Burgess and I are on the roof boss, we’re ready.”

“We’re good, Kev is ready to take down the door.”

Jay glanced at you, hands on his radio. “You good?” You swiftly broke the lock and gave him a thumbs up, before he gave his confirmation through the radio to Voight, who was running point outside of the building. 

“Okay. Remember, quiet and stealthy. Right now we count all fifteen kids and 4 offenders inside and 3 outside standing watch. We do not want to tip them off, who knows what they might do. The most important thing is to get the kids home to their families alive, you hear me?”

Everyone voiced their understanding. 

“Good. Go.”

“We’re in,” you spoke quietly into the radio, silently moving through the dark warehouse. It took a few seconds for your eyes to adjust to the darkness but you could hear people talking from a room where light was coming from. 

“We got the pricks outside,” Adam said.

“We’re through the west entrance, hostages seem to be kept in the break room, two offenders with them and three are walking the warehouse, keep your eyes open,” You heard Kim’s voice crackling through your earpiece and you stilled when you saw a flashlight bouncing off the walls. 

Turning back to Jay, you pointed two fingers in that direction and he nodded before he disappeared into the dark. You quickly walked towards the flashlight and a few seconds later you could hear a grunt and a body hitting the floor.

“One suspect down,” you informed the team. “We’re getting closer to the breakroom, I can hear two of them arguing.” 

There were two doors leading into the room and you glanced at Jay. 

“You go in, I’ll distract them,” he whispered and the two of you split up, quietly moving toward the open door. Through the crack, you saw two men, standing in front of the children, waving guns around. The children looked scared, but otherwise okay. You felt a bit relieved, though you knew that this was not over yet.

“I told you,” one of them said, getting in the face of the other man, “We’re waiting for the parents to contact us, we left them a message-” A clatter outside the room made him pause and he quickly looked around, alarmed. “Someone’s here. Go check if where the others are.”

His partner rushed through the door and the shot caller aimed the gun at the kids. “If you even think about running, I will kill all of you,” he threatened and as you moved in, you pointed your gun at his head.

“I don’t think so, jackass. Hands up and put the gun on the floor, now.” You could hear the offender cursing under his breath before he carefully dropped the gun to the floor. Kicking the gun away, you moved closer until the nuzzle of your gun was pressed against the back of his head. 

“Get on your knees.”

You were surprised that he was so compliant and threw some handcuffs on. Then, you slowly put your gun back in the holster, turning to the kids. 

“Hey, hi kids. It’s okay, I am a detective, you’re safe now okay?” You told the kids with an assuring smile, checking them over. “Is everyone alright? Anyone hurt?” The kids shook their heads and you sighed in relief. 

“I got the kids, waiting for confirmation until all offenders are down. Jay, what’s your-”

“Watch out!” the kids cried and you felt a gun against the back of your head. 

Fuck. 

“Turn around and do not reach for your gun,” the man said and as you turned around, you realized it was the man from before. He looked nervous and drops of sweat were running down his temples. 

“Kids, get behind me,” you said in a calm voice, not wanting to scare them.

“Wyatt, what do you want me to do with her?” he asked and Wyatt grunted, his face contorted in anger. 

“Just kill her and get me out of these cuffs Zac, we’re about to be swarmed with police.”

You saw the hesitation in Zac’s eyes. “Hey, Zac.”

Zac turned his eyes on you and you held your hands higher. “Zac, right?” He nodded, his  eyes flitting over to Wyatt when he screamed out.

“Don’t listen to her! Get me out of these cuffs!”

“Zac, ignore him and listen to me, okay?” Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Jay inching closer, his gun aimed at Zac. You shook your head ever so slightly and Jay nodded, keeping his aim, but not pulling the trigger just yet. 

“I know you don’t want to do this. You can still get out of here, it does not have to end like this. Look at all these kids. They’re innocent. Whatever you want to achieve, I promise there’s another way, okay?”

You could see that Zac was really listening to you, as he slowly lowered his gun, but Wyatt kept screaming at him. 

“HEY! If I go to prison because of you I will fucking kill you!”

Zac balled his hands into fists and as the desperation clouded over his face, you knew this was a lost cause. He straightened his arm, his gun on you. 

“I am sorry,” he pressed out. 

“NO!”

A shot rang through the room and blood splattered all over your face, the kids screaming out. You exhaled deeply and blinked slowly, watching Zac fall over limply. You were so close to saving him.

“Hey, Y/N you alright?” Jay asked, rushing over to you and you nodded, holding onto his bicep for support while he patted you down. Wyatt was still kneeling on the floor, cursing loudly, not even bothered by the fact that his partner just died in front of him.

“I am fine. Let’s get the kids out of here,” you told him and he nodded, herding all the kids together to lead them outside. 

Several ambos were already waiting outside to check on the kids as the offenders were being taken away. You watched with a small smile as a handful of cars pulled up, and parents started piling out, calling for their kids. 

A hand laid on your shoulder and when you turned, Voight was giving you one of his rare smiles. “Good job, Y/N. Do you need a medic?”

“It’s not my blood,” You said, wiping your sleeve over your face. “Thanks Sarge.”

Voight clapped your back affectionately and then walked off to take care of the offenders, while you looked around, finally catching Jay’s eyes across the street. He tilted his head to the side and you gave a tired nod, picking up your feet to where Jay’s GMC was parked. 

He was waiting by the driver’s door, but instead of getting in the passenger’s side, you walked up straight to him, laying your head on his chest. Jay wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. 

“Today was good, huh?” 

“Mhm,” you hummed, not wanting to pull away just yet. “Can’t believe it started with you yelling at my ex.”

Jay breathed out a laugh before he pulled away, holding you at an arm's length. “Listen, about that-”

You effectively cut him off by placing your lips on his, kissing him gently. Immediately he kissed you back and cupped your cheek with his hand, holding you as if you were delicate. You pulled away after a few seconds and smiled up at him. 

“I think I got it,” you told him quietly and he beamed at you, tucking your hair back. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.“

You knew that you’d have to have this conversation eventually, probably later that day. But for now, this was enough.

Taglist: @toomuchtv95​ // @miranda0102​ // @annaallicce​ // @galacticsmoon​

#ex's and oh's #jay halstead #jay halstead fanfiction #jay halstead fanfic #jay halstead fic #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead imagines #chicago pd #one chicago

[macgyvertape]

Castlevania kinda had a pacing problem

spoilers for all of Netflix’s Castlevania. I haven’t seen much analysis for the show on tumblr, im honestly curious if discussions I had with irl friends mirror what fandom talks about

tldr: Castlevania seems inconsistently paced from season to season, and within season as well, leads to a lot of characters motivations feeling unclear so characters repeatedly explain why they are doing something while they’re doing it

overview of the seasons:

S1 I know somewhat of a test for Netflix but it has good main trio character establishment and sets the scale of the conflict

s2: pretty complete emotional arc for most characters and resolves the plot of killing Dracula while setting up additional characters to continue the story. Isaac, Hector, Carmilla all established with the audience as characters whose story would continue

honestly I would bet this is the most popular season

S3: s2 did a bit of worldbuilding, but this season really fleshed out the world with both a wide range of locations and exploring the question of “what now, Dracula is dead but vampires and night creatures remain”.

There were basically 4 plot threads: 1) Sypha/Trevor investigating the cult & Saint Germain; 2) Hector & Carmilla (also introducing Lenore, Striga, Morana); 3) Isaac’s journey of revenge & self discovery; 4) Alucard sits around the castle and is betrayed.

overall characters roughly feel like they are in the same place if not worse. A big criticism I saw at the time, which hold up after rewatching this before s4 is nothing felt resolved for the main characters

I would say this season is where the pacing issues start to become apparent, juggling 4 plot threads that lack a central theme or even mutual character connection. If there was a central theme it would be “humans are awful to each other”. The Judge doing Hot Fuzz style murders, The Wizard in the tower, Sumi & Taka

S4: it starts with the same 4 plot threads, though upfront it is made clear that the plot theme is “people are trying to resurrect Dracula”, and the progression of the plot works to resolve unrelated plot threads until the main trio reunites for the boss fights. To me and my friends watching it was obvious that the show would reunite the main trio, the question was how and how far into the run time.

Season 4 is why I’m writing this essay, for the past 2 days I’ve been like, yeah that character sure explained their motives repeatedly maybe with some philosophical discussion, but it’s just such a weird place considering where they were in s3

Alucard’s arc:

Where he was left in season 3, it was after killing people he had trusted in self defense and impaling their corpses. It was clearly meant to parallel Dracula’s dislike of humanity. However overall his character lacked a proactive motivating force.

Honestly the most interesting thing I found in s3 was Alucard clearly misses Sypha and Trevor, however they don’t miss him or refer to him

One reason Sumi & Taka betray Alucard is for the secrets and power of Castlevania. After inviting the village including St Germain who Alucard was warned of into the Castle, Alucard makes 0 effort to secure anything, not even his personal childhood room. Guess he really learned nothing

Discussing St Germain, I think it’s funny that they had a several minute flashback sequence for his lost girlfriend (who doesn’t have a name or a voice actor), to remind the viewer of who he is, and to justify how he’s suddenly back and down for murder.

In s4 there is the call to help the village, and the walk back to the castle is a montage of Alucard opening up to Greta and becoming friendly literally overnight. He laughs off the impaling, and basically all of the darker things he went through in season 3, which has me asking what was the point of his season 3 arc then? 

Honestly writing this I realize the biggest parallel he has with Dracula is the call to action from a bold woman with a dramatic entrance speech which then leads to a romance

Isaac’s arc:

in s3, with all the other themes of “humanity sucks” I was always unsure if the townspeople were meant to appear irrational while attacking a larger force instead of letting him pass through an leave, or him not caring about how he’s provoking them is meant to show his insanity

ive seen the discussion elsewhere, curious about the Discourse here

is s4 Isaac has the whole monologue about how he now has agency but him gaining that agency was his s3 arc. In s4 he’s already at the point of accepting it. By the end of s4 he’s one of those who comes the furthest from his first character appearance to his last.

s4e5 where of Isaac attacking Carmilla in Isaac’s 2nd appearance had him resolving like 4 plot threads at once (Carmilla, Striga& Morana, Hector, and Isaac himself).

but i do wonder if Trevor, Sypha, or Alucard even know any of these people exist. I think not

I was honestly confused if I missed a scene from his dialogue about building something and what is inherent nature, to “My plan has evolved, my plan is now conquest” because he only conquests the one castle and the rest is left unclear

Upon rewatch the connection there is “killing [the wizard] felt just ... I liked that feeling”, so the show says that Isaac in the end attacked Carmilla for the sake of justice and not revenge.

Isaac in his last conversation expresses the theme of s4 “build something new on these old bones, where people can live for the future”

however, his arc honestly feel scenes were cut, and then dialogue was written around it. He’s the only living character who doesn’t show up in the epilogue and the sentient night creature “what if I could empty hell” dialogue was some of the most interesting worldbuilding. Night creatures with sentience and possibility of regaining memories!!!!

The Council of Sisters & Hector’s arc:

oh I’ve already seen s4 discourse about Lenore/Hector while searching for character analysis, a chunk of it seems to be rationalizing the absolute difference between how s3 ended with these characters and s4. It was extremely confusing for me and my friends; wondering if 1) was Hector showing more emotional intelligence than before and putting on a facade to cover up hatred? Nope 2) did more time pass than 6 weeks for there to be some kind stockholm syndrome? No, Hector seems fine to let Lenore kill herself

The slave control ring: played up in the climax of s3 and easily solved s4. s3 Lenore says if he tries to harm them, flee, or take it off it would cause crippling pain, in s4 Hector just easily cuts off his own finger.

for a control ring that they take time to show a version being on the Rebus, it doesn’t do much controlling of Hector

also guess the definition of “do harm” just refers to direct action

Lenore in s4: has no purpose in conquest, has that useless remarked on by multiple characters, is imprisoned, then kills herself after a genre aware philosophical discussion. This essay is long enough, but what the fuck happened to this character who ended s3 clearly physically and sexually abusive? Seriously this was one of the biggest writing changes to the point where she was treating Hector as an equal. Compare her last words in s3 “shh the real people [vampires] are talking”. The change in the relationship is actually something I would have taken being shown, or atleast told of what exactly caused this change other than the vague “you adopted him”

Striga&Morana get the best arc of the Council. 3 scenes: the tent argument, Daybreak armor fight & argument resolution, declaration of feelings and turning away. You could argue Castlevania is plot to be connective tissue between fight scenes, but for all the dialogue about human resistance in different seasons it was nice to see it. Overall the scenes were short but had a lot of showing what their relationship is not just telling,

unlike Carmilla. For as much hyping up as they did with her, and as much power as she had, she only appeared in 2 episodes and no other group except Isaac knew about her military conquest.

the map scene where she states her motive for conquest of wanting to take things from old men is the key example of how characterization became tell not show. How interesting was that monologue compared to the past seasons flashback to her murmuring the old vampire lord, or all her repeated insults of men/man-children that shows how she judges people??

That monologue had to carry the weight of justifying the Sisterhood bonds falling apart as well as why her motivation changed from building a human pen from Styria to Braila to world conquest. I think it did so poorly

Sypha & Trevor

really Sypha & Trevor have the main plot in the show. I checked and post season 1 the only episode they don’t appear in is s4e6, which is entirely devoted to the Isaac, Hector, and Council of Sisterhood arc. Their partnership and adventures are the main plot of the show.

Its easy to see what Trevor’s arc was over the show: coming to peace with the deaths of his family, taking up the mantle of being a Belmont, and starting a new family with Sypha.

With Sypha I actually had to scroll through tv tropes for what is her character arc, and I guess hers is disillusionment from adventure and life outside the speakers? My friends joke that Sypha’s magic is what the plot demands to look cool in a fight, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Tangent: the ending of their arc was easy to guess: as soon as Trevor went to fight the final boss alone I literally said “oh i bet Sypha’s pregnant, Trevor’s doing a heroic sacrifice, theyll use the unexplained magical dagger mcguffin, and 60/40 odds that he goes through an infinite corridor to outright come back vs just the implication he might come back”

I guess my final thought of the show, was overall the SUPER Final Boss got my by surprise. It was a good twist I enjoyed. Not that Death appeared, I had guessed that from the heavy foreshadowing, but I was surprised by who it was, because I had thought I thought the characters involved feeling shoehorned into the plot was just more bad writing. The Alchemist who put St Germain on the path or murder for no discernible motive for helping? Sure gotta move the plot along. New Dracula court member Varney who has a whole introduction with almost every character he meets and banter about his smell? Sure thats basically how all characters talk with a snarky and acerbic voice.

#Castlevania #castlevania spoilers #castlevania meta #castlevania season four #overall i enjoyed the show #id love to find some discussion of the show #this wound up being more of a recap than a persuasive essay #but i think my tldr thesis statement stands

[patton-cake]

Happy birthday Logan!

Summary: It's Logan's birthday! He is a bit scared for all the attention that birthdays bring, but his roommates will make this day unforgettable... right?

Pairings: established Logicality, platonic LAMP, background prinxiety (like one sentence)

Ugh

Logan woke up with a groan, he never liked this day. Something about all the positivity and the happy people made him uncomfortable. Yes, he was a year older, that's how humans work, why should they celebrate that? Logan stepped out of bed and started to change into his normal outfit.

When he walked downstairs he prepared himself for his energetic roommates to congratulate him. Roman and Patton always made a big deal out of birthdays. For Virgil's birthday the two had spend weeks planning a nightmare before chrismas themed sleepover, just with the four of them. When Roman's birthday came, Patton had made Virgil and Logan help him to turn their apartment into a broadway themed paradise, with Roman as the star. Patton's birthday was a whole different kind of special. The three roommates had really tried their best to let their best friend know how much they appreciated him. Patton had been drowned in presents, every present handmade and given a personal twist. Tears had fallen down Patton's cheeks and they ended up in a group hug.

But today it was Logan's turn. His 'special' day. To Logan's suprise, the living room was empty when he arrived downstairs. No happy chatter, no grumpy Virgil and no Roman serenading the pancakes. It was completely silent. That's weird, not even Patton was here to prepare his signature birthday breakfast. With a confused look Logan grapped his coffee mug and made himself a cup of coffee.

After a few minutes, Logan could here faint footsteps comming downstairs. Ah, there came the birthday energy. He expected to see Patton walking into the kitchen to greet him with a big hug, but instead he saw Virgil. His roommate let out a groan as his way of greeting Logan and poured himself a cup of coffee before making his way to the living room. Strange

Another ten minutes later, a louder noice came downstairs. Loud footsteps marched downstairs followed by a powerful voice singing some Disney songs. Roman.

"Morning nerd!" Roman greeted and made himself a cup of camomile tea, still mumbling the melody of the song. After questioning himself if he should try to steal a cookie from Patton's collection (he decided not to), Roman sat down next to Virgil on the couch, turning on the TV.

What was going on? .....They hadn't forgotten his birthday had they? Not that Logan was that sentimental when it came to birthdays, it still felt kind of nice to be complimented and appreciated once in a while. Maybe they were waiting until Patton came downstairs? That made sense. Speaking of their last roommate, shouldn't he be here already? Patton was always the first to wake up. 'To make my special boys some breakfast!' As Patton himself liked to say. It wasn't like him to still be in bed this late.

With a bad gut feeling, Logan walked back to their rooms, making his way to Patton. He would be lying if he said that he wasn't concerned about this whole situation. Anxiously he knocked on the lightblue door before fidgeting with his tie. He could hear a loud yawn coming from inside Patton's room, followed by footsteps. The door opened and Logan saw a very tired Patton. The smaller buy carefully rubbed his eyes before stretching his arms.

"Goodmorning Lolo...", another yawn, "What can I do for you?" Patton had definitely just woken up. His voice was really soft and tired and he was still wearing his pyjamas.

"Salutations Patton, my apologies if I have woken you up, I was simply concerned about your wellbeing."

Patton looked up at him, blinking a couple times before actually hearing what Logan said. "Those were a lot of fancy words Logan. I'm fine though! Just had to finish something last night, didn't get that much sleep."

A relief, mixed with some confusion fell over Logan. He then started to realise that it had been quiet for a few minutes now. Just when he wanted to speak up again, a weight started to lean against Logan. Patton had fallen asleep again. He must have been really tired then, to fall asleep in Logan's arms. Logan chuckled to himself before carefully picking Patton up, carrying him downstairs.

When he walked into their living room, Logan gently placed Patton on one of their couches, covering him with a fluffy blanket. He heard a chuckled laugh behind him and when he turned around he saw Roman and Virgil smirking at him. "Didn't take you for the princely type Specks. Are you trying to take over my job?" Logan rolled his eyes and ignored Roman. "I'm with Flynn Rider over here. One of those himbo's is more than enough already." Virgil crossed his arms before pushing Roman into their kitchen. The theee roommates made themselves breakfast, since Patton was clearly unable to do it for them, and sat down.

"Doing anything special today guys?" Roman asked while eating a spoonful of cornflakes. Ah there it came. The birthday plans. Except, it didnt?

"You know me Princey, I'm busy planning on how to take over the government and making Welcome to the black parade the new national anthem." Virgil finished his bowl and sat it down in the sink, "Better start making my plans, see you later nerds."

Just when Virgil walked back to his room, they could hear some movements from the living room. Patton carefully made his way to the kitchen, wrapped up in a blanket burrito.

"Goodmorning Ro, hi again Lolo." Tiredly, Patton made himself a sandwich before sitting next to Logan, leaning on his shoulder. "I'm sorry that I fell alseep on you Logan" Logan smiled softly at Patton and intertwined their fingers. "It's quite alright Patton, I hope you'll feel a little more energetic soon"

The three roommates finished their breakfast and Roman and Patton made their way back upstairs to get properly dressed. A sad feeling fell over Logan, had they really forgotten his birthday? It definitely seemed like they had...

Logan decided to leave the house for a couple of hours, going to the library. If his friends didn't want to celebrate his birthday then he had to make it a great day for himself on his own. Maybe being surrounded by books would make him feel a little happier. So Logan left a sticky note on the table with his location, grapped his coat and stepped outside.

The fresh wind in his face already made him feel a bit better. The Fall weather always cheered him up a bit, the pretty leafs colouring the landscape and the beautiful aesthetic of orange and red. Logan warmed his hands by putting them in his coat pockets and let out a sigh. Fall had always been his favourite season. The cold nights he spend together with his roommates rewatchings movies, watching Virgil turn into a his 'true form' as he called it during their annual Halloween celebration, following Roman to every little market he could find and buying the most ridiculous and unnecessary items and of course the lazy days he and Patton spend cuddled up in one of their rooms, sharing soft kisses and drifting off to sleep from time to time.

With a soft smile on his face, Logan entered the library, greeting ms. Williams who he had become really close with after spending all his teenage years in this library. He made his way to the mystery section, collected a couple of his favourite books and sat down at one of the tables next to the windows. Logan read his way through five books before hearing someone enter the building.

"Logan? Are you here?"

A soft voice echoed through the library and Logan could hear ms. Williams reassuring Patton that Logan was in fact somewhere in here. Patton thanked the librarian and Logan could hear his footsteps comming his way. "There you are Lolo! I was worried that we lost you on your birthday!" His boyfriend softly giggled and sat down next to Logan.

"So.. So you didn't forget my birthday?" Logan shyly looked down at his hands, cursing himself for the blush that spread over his face. "Of course not Starlight! How could we ever forget the day someone this amazing was born?" Patton let out another giggle before taking Logan's hands in his, "What did you think we all have been working on all these weeks? What did you think I was working on last night? Come Lo! Virge and Ro are waiting for us at home!"

Patton pulled his boyfriend up and helped him return the books to their places. He enthusiastically waved ms. Williams goodbye, who chuckled and gave Logan a soft smile as to say 'You better not let that one go Logan'. With their hands intertwined, they made their way outside again. When Logan shivered slightly from the cold, Patton pressed his side to him, resting his head on his shoulder. "To keep us warm!" Logan let out a soft laugh and put his arm around Patton's shoulder, pressing him closer. In a comfortable silence the two made their way back home.

When they were close to their house, Logan could hear music coming from inside of the place. Patton turned the key around and opened the door. The two were met by the smell of cinnamon, pumpkin bread and chocolate. Logan, as the gentleman he was, helped Patton with his coat and put both of their coats away. Patton, once again, grapped Logan's hand and tugged him to the living room. And wow.

Logan definitely hadn't expected this. His friends had completely transformed their living room. The couches were pushed against the wall, the curtains were closed and the floor was covered in pillows. Cinnamon scented candles were placed everywhere and the table was covered with sweets and other delicious foods. He felt Patton's arm wrapped around him and leaned back against his boyfriend, who placed his chin on Logan's shoulder. "Happy birthday my love." It didn't take long before Roman and (a hesitant) Virgil joined the group hug.

They spend the night watching all of Logan's favourite movies and documentaries while chatting in their pyjamas and eating the backed goods Patton ("and Roman!") had made.

A few hours after midnight, Logan looked around at his roommates. Virgil had fallen asleep after the fifth movie. His friend leaned against Roman's shoulder while using his arm as a teddy bear. Speaking of Roman, it hadn't taken long for him to follow Virgil. His head leaned on Virgil's and he snorted a bit, making Logan chuckle. Last but not least he turned to look at Patton. Beautiful Patton, who was curled up against Logan's chest, breathing softly. He had fallen asleep a few minutes ago after tiredly mumbling about how amazing Logan was and how his hair always looked so cute and how Patton could spend hours just watching him reading 'because you are so adorable Logibear! I love listening to you!' Logan had kissed his boyfriend's forehead before softly thanking him.

Yeay, Logan truly was the luckiest men alive. He had his two best friends and his adorable boyfriend who he hoped to spend many more birthdays with. He let out a quiet yawn before closing his eyes, snuggling closer to Patton, and soflty drifting away.

#logan sanders #logicality #implied prinxiety #platonic lamp #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #happy birthday Logan!! #pattoncake writes #logan loves fall #lo is lowkey sad #patton is adorable #virgil is an emo #roman is a himbo #you know #the normal stuff

[butterflymar]

DAY 2: FAVORITE BL DRAMA

I have quite a few... I can’t choose just one so bare with me lol

Life Senjou No Bokura

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: One day after school, the serious Ito and the child-like Nishi meet by chance, as each endeavors to remain walking  on the sidewalk`s white line. As time goes by, Ito recognizes he is drawn to Nishi in a way that is new to him. Nishi, for his part, is frustrated that they only get to meet on the sidewalk. Ito decides to act upon his feelings and kisses a surprised Nishi, who agrees they need to walk side by side for a change. The sparks between them are undeniable as their relationship blossoms in high school, survives the college years, and matures into adulthood. A deeply moving work that bears witness to loving partners, whose unchanging feelings must co-exist within a world of changing realities.

My Personal Thoughts: I already wrote a review for this so I am going to re-share some of those thoughts here. This is one that I have watched countless times already. They went by the manga for mostly all of the episodes and I appreciated seeing that. They gave more context for certain details that may have been lost while reading the manga and translated it to screen. I think they depicted the age gaps well too. For 4 episodes only, I feel that they did a great job including the most important aspects. Actually now that I think of it, I would have loved to see more of them in their early 20s depicted on screen because that was like one of there honeymoon phases and I’m a hopeless romantic lol but that’s just a personal preference not complaining. Also, the show stopped at age 40 and they could have gone on throughout there entire lives but I understand why they chose not too. The manga is great as well!!! I think that the main actors depicted beautiful true love very well. They had amazing chemistry. Japanese BL’s have that special spark about them that I love. I also loved that it showed there relationship from high school till there later years. I don’t see that a lot with BL’s. They usually just stick to one time period. The aspect about them being connected by a line in relation to there love was a nice touch as well. I am glad that it has a happy ending as well. This is a pretty quick one to watch and a great one at that!!! If you haven’t watched it yet, I would highly recommend it!!!

I Told Sunset About You 

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: Teh and Oh-aew were best friends until a boyhood line of reasoning turned them into rivals. Years later as they're preparing for university admissions, both pursuing interests in the field of Communication Arts, the two meet in a Chinese language class. Their reunion awakens complicated and unstable feelings.

My Personal Thoughts: Same as above, I already wrote a review for this so I am going to re-share some of those thoughts here. This is DEFINITELY one of my top BL shows of the year 2020. This is such a beautiful masterpiece of a show!!! I remember when the preview trailer first came out… I was already hooked!!! I was on the lookout for it and it did not disappoint me one bit when it finally started. I looked forward to seeing it every week. It made me feel all of the emotions. I was up here sitting in my room crying over everything. I don’t think any other BL has made me this emotional before in my life. The two lead actors really DELIVERED!!! I could feel every single stare, every single body movement, and every single touch. You could cut the TENSION with a knife!!! No one couldn’t tell me that there wasn’t a magnetic true love between these two. I know this sounds cliche but it's like they were destined to be together from when they were childhood friends. Also, I would love to see them in future projects!!! The cinematography in this show is TOP FREAKIN NOTCH!!! Every single scene is just so beautifully shot. The cinematography alone makes me want to cry lol I saw somewhere that someone said the filming of the show reminded them of an indie film and I totally agree!!! The writing and directing on this show was impeccable to me!!! No cringy dialogue and every single line served its purpose well. This is movie grade writing. I also wanted to quickly just say that I loved the attention and callback to details throughout like with the tutoring book that Teh made for Oh-aew that was left empty by the end of episode 4, the flower that was supposed to be colored the same as Tan’s garment but Teh colored it red because he was thinking of Oh-aew, the rubbing of Oh-aew’s back when he sniffles, the references to Teh’s favorite actor, and the use of Chinese phrases to get meaning across. I could go on and on but wow I just loved how they really connected all of the details throughout. I can’t wait for Season 2!!!

Theory of Love

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: Third is a filmology major and a member of the Savage Team along with his best friends Two, Bone, and Khai, but he has a secret. Third has been secretly in love with Khai for years. For three years, he has kept his secret love in his heart, silently supporting and loving Khai while knowing there is absolutely no future between them since Khai is as straight as a streetlight pole and also an absolute player. To make matters worse, Khai has a "no dating friends" policy. How long can Third love Khai silently while watching Khai bring a different girl home every night? Third has tried to see Khai as just a friend. But has failed time and time again. Because as easy as it is to fall in love, to stop is just as hard.  Maybe even harder. That is until Third learns a secret that breaks his heart completely. But when Third decides to stop, Khai decides to start.

My Personal Thoughts: As sad as this show can make me feel at times, I love rewatching it. I still to this day think that it is one of the most well written BL’s that I have seen. Everything flows nicely and everything connects. Your not left wondering how you got from point A to point B. I thought the show had great character development especially when it came to Khai’s character towards the end of series. I know a lot of people had mixed feelings about his character due to how careless and dare I say stupid he acted at times but if he can make the audience hate him that much as a character... I would say he is doing something right!!! Gun’s acting never fails to amaze me!!! He really is one of the best actors I have seen. I know he had to be drained from all of that crying that he did throughout the show though lol It just goes to show that when you truly love someone you can’t just stop what you are feeling inside that easily no matter how the other person feels about you or treats you. As the old saying goes, love is blind. I also loved the friend group as well and Two and Bones side stories with the teacher and crush from school. They added to the shows greatness and didn’t take away from it. The friendship dynamics throughout the show was I feel something that really kept me engaged. The cast acted well together. There was no awkwardness or hesitation. I feel everyone bought there best for this drama. They incorporated the movie references so cleverly and I love how the title of each episode was the title of a real romance film. Just the overall theme of film was very intriguing to me. This drama left me filled with heartache and a rollercoaster of emotions but the ending is worth it!!!

HIStory3: Make Our Days Count

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: At first glance, high schoolers Xiang Hao Ting and Yu Xi Gu appear to be polar opposites: While Xiang Hao Ting is an outgoing, hot-headed extravert and some-time bully, Yu Xi Gu prefers to keep a low profile and focus on his schoolwork. They seem bound for totally different futures – the bookish Yu Xi Gu looks destined for academic success, while life is just a long popularity contest for Xiang Hao Ting. But a quirk of fate – and a crucial intervention by a female schoolmate – results in the two young men’s paths crossing. But there is more to both young men than first meets the eye. Xiang Hao Ting was not always this way. He started out as a perfect student until he discovered the joys of going off the rails. And Yu Xi Gu has a reason for being so aloof and studious: His parents died in a traffic accident while he was younger, and he is being fostered by his aunt. As such, he works hard to get good grades in an effort to win a scholarship and ease the financial burden on his relatives. Yu Xi Gu also works part-time at a convenience store, where his manager Liu Zhi Gang has developed a crush on a man he has met at the gym. Back at school, meanwhile, Yu Xi Gu and Xiang Hao Ting find themselves drawn together, and passions ignite. The former notices that he has the unique ability to bring Yu Xi Gu out of his shell – and becomes intent on melting his cold-as-ice exterior. What will happen when their two worlds collide? And can love be the catalyst that helps bring these two unlikely students together – as their high school days draw to a close?

My Personal Thoughts: I will stand by this notion for all of my days but this show is one of the best shows I have seen PERIOD!!! Not even best BL shows I have seen but just in general. It highkey saddens me that it is rated at an 8.1 right now on MyDramaList due to how it ended when other than that... it’s a top notch show. This was one that I watched as it was airing and I would get excited to see it every week. My clown self should have known by the title “Make Our Days Count” that some mess was about to occur but I didn’t pick up on it. Now, I just disregard the last episode (WE DON’T KNOW HER!!!). You can just tell that they had a great budget for this series. The production was on point. It had great cinematography, great storylines, and it felt realistic too. The main couples acting was OFF THE CHARTS AMAZING. I loved the whole opposites attract thing going on. Although the show was set in high school... it almost didn’t feel like it nor did it have those typical clichés going on. I liked how it dealt with topic of LGBTQ+ acceptance as well. I wasn’t so sure about the side couples relationship at first but I grew to love them as time went on. One last thing I wanted to point out was that even though I am always looking for a happy ending... I learned from this show that not everyone can get a happy ending. That’s not how life works sadly. In real life, there have been a lot of people who were truly in love and lost there partners tragically. Although it may be hard to accept the outcome, it is something that happens in real life. This is a drama that you appreciate even more as time goes on. It truly is a gem of a series!!!

TharnType

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: Type Thiwat is a handsome freshman with a passion for football and spicy food. Although he’s a friendly boy, he hates gay people because, in his childhood, he was molested by a man. His life turns upside down when the new academic year of college brings along a charismatic roommate, Tharn Kirigun. Tharn is a gorgeous, compassionate music major, who is also openly gay. When Type learns this, he is determined to make Tharn leave the dorm, as he won't live with a gay person. Tharn is equally determined not to give into Type's homophobic tantrums. With a gay guy and a homophobic guy that have to share a small space together for the rest of the year — what can possibly be the outcome of their story? Hatred? Or maybe love?

My Personal Thoughts: *Goes to hide in a corner* I know this drama is problematic and controversial as hell but it’s like a train wreck that you can’t turn  away from. What truly carries the show I feel is the chemistry between MewGulf. I don’t think I would have enjoyed the series as much if other actors were cast in those roles. They just exude confidence, passion, love, and lust. In terms of the storyline, I found it to be a chaotic occurrence of situations where I just had to know what was going to go on next. Everything that occurred had me intrigued for the next episode and so on and so forth. I loved Type’s character development. One quick thing I want to touch on was I know there were a lot of problematic things that happened which I will touch on at a later date but one thing I wish people were more understanding of was Type’s outbursts, thoughts, and feelings in certain situations. He was a victim of sexual assault so I felt the way he handled certain things was in response to what he had gone through as child and I think some viewers kind of missed that and were almost too harsh on him. Everyone processes and deals with trauma differently. This show went through so many twists and turns and I honestly lived for it especially the shocker towards the end of the series. I didn’t see that one coming at all!!! Despite all of its flaws, this show still holds a special place in my heart.

Honorable Mention:

Cherry Magic: As of today, this show has 4 episodes left and I think I am just going to come out and say that THIS IS MY FAVORITE BL OF THE YEAR!!! It’s a beautiful Japanese BL and I rewatch the old episodes while I wait for new ones to come out alot. It’s such a fluffy, heartwarming, and precious Bl series!!! I love it to pieces!!!

#30 day bl drama challenge #30 day bl challenge #bl drama #bl series #thai bl #taiwanese bl #japanese bl #life senjou no bokura #life love on the line #i told sunset about you #itsay #teh x oh aew #theory of love #khaithird #gun attaphan #off jumpol #offgun #history3: make our days count #history 3: modc #tharntype #mewgulf #cherry magic #adachi x kurosawa #manner of death #maxtul #kornknock

[bdamanlover4ever]

Okay but...BakuDeku fluffy fanfic idea, where Katsuki has always been struggling in school and Izuku one day picks up on it. 😶It would be told in parts because Izuku picks up on it over time, it’s probably set between the end of season 3 and start of season 4?

~

Part 1

“I hope you all are paying attention.” Mr. Aizawa stopped writing on the board. “I’m only going to say this once.” He tapped the chalk over the word: report. “Your midterm report should be over how your favorite hero operates and how you can learn from their actions to create your own rescue style.”

Izuku stopped tapping his pencil against his notebook. His brain slowly drifting back to reality—the classroom, his desk, his backpack. He had been already thinking of a way to prove his fighting style. Maybe if he rewatched a few of All Might’s old rescue scenes.

“Also I must stress this will be a book report.” Mr. Aizawa said.

The class erupted in a few groans and complaints.

“Don’t act like that. You’re all very capable of writing an four page report. If you’re not capable then you’ll wish you were by the time I finish calling home.”

Denki raised his hand. “Um, so...can the paper be double space?”

“Double spaced, 12 sized front.”

Izuku scribbled a few ideas down. He’d go by the library to check out some books. His pencil stopped moving to the sound of Katsuki cursing under his breath.

“Damn it.” Katsuki said.

Izuku couldn’t help but turn towards his direction. As always there were no notebooks or pencils on Katsuki’s desk. An empty space. Not even a textbook open to the correct page.

Lazy—as some people would call it.

But it wasn’t like Katsuki wasn’t smart. He somehow managed to understand everything without taking notes.

A part of Izuku admired that.

“I already turned off my recording.” Katsuki pulled his phone from his pocket and slipped it between his legs as if to hide it from the teacher.

“This is a very important report. It will be a midterm grade that will make or break some of you.” Mr. Aizawa placed down the chalk.

“Can we really call this hero work?” Mina asked.

“Everything is hero work. Even the books.”

Izuku found himself nodding. There were multiple things that went into being a good hero. Charging in blindly without a strategy might let you get lucky and save a few people due to a stroke of luck, but a good hero always has a way to save everyone. He wrote in big letters: PLANNING.

“What’s so interesting?” Katsuki asked.

Izuku blinked.

“Ya nodding your head over there so much.”

“I’m just brainstorming over my report.”

“Why do you keep glancing in my direction, then?”

“I ju-just zone out.” Izuku didn’t think that Kacchan ever noticed him in class. How long had Kacchan been watching him? He took an uneasy breath. Now that he knew Kacchan was watching, he could feel it. Just focus back on the teacher. Don’t worry about him. Don’t—

“Ignoring me?” Katsuki rolled his eyes. “What a joke.”

“Again some of you SHOULD be taking this seriously.” Mr. Aizawa glanced over in Izuku and Katsuki’s direction.

Izuku lowered his head and picked up his pencil to scribble down some more ideas. Plan? Execution? Dealing with a hostage situation. Those were good places to start.

Part 2

The library was old in comparison to the rest of the city. Sure, the old wooden and brass door had been replaced by automatic doors, and all the renovations had fixed up the inside, but the old smell never left. Maybe it was the smell of books? The books in this library dated back decades.

Izuku walked past the shelves, each one filled with knowledge and epic battles that transcended through time. The old walls were brightened with murals of heroes and stained glass windows give it an old-fashioned elegance. He hugged his book close to his chest, eyes focused on the backpack hanging off the back of the seat.

“Isn’t that like a 6th grade level book?”

“Shut up, man. No, it’s not.”

Izuku overheard two familiar voices whispering among themselves—Kirishima and Katsuki. He figured they must be trying to choose a book to write their report on as well. He sat down at the table, placing his newly discovered book next to two others and his notebook. He opened up the book to a chapter titled: How to Identify: High Priority Rescues in a Hostage situation.

The topic wasn’t one he particularly agreed with. He felt like everyone deserved to be saved, but if there was a high risk situation where not everyone could be…

“It is. Hey, isn’t that Izuku?”

Izuku looked up to see Kirishima waving at him. He waved back.

“Look at this.” Kirishima ripped a book from the shelf and pointed at it. He walked over to Izuku’s table.

“Don’t tell h—“ Katsuki got hushed by an angry passerby. He grit his teeth, his right hand clenched in a fist.

Izuku read the book title, The Adventures Of All Might And Friends.

“Check it. There are like pictures on almost every page.” Kirmisha flipped through the book. “Tell him there is no way he can write a good book report with this.”

“Shut your shitty mouth!” Katsuki snatched the book back and slammed it closed. “I do whatever the fuck I want and my grade is going to be good as fuck!” He tucked the book under his right arm as if to hide the childish cover.

The librarian looked at the three of them harshly.

“Sorry.” Izuku whispered.

“Mr. Aizawa said the report had to be 4 pages. I’m not trying to piss you off, just chill and listen for a second.” Kirishima lowered his voice. “Look at Izuku’s book. It is about 300 pages and—“

“Deku is the last person I want to look to for anything.” Katsuki put his hand on Izuku’s face to push him to the side. “I’ll never be that desperate.” He roughly bumped past Kirishima.

Izuku lifted his hand from holding his place in the book.

“You’re both doing All Might.” Kirishima must have noticed the books on his table. “You should get together and swap notes or something.”

Izuku sighed. It would be nice if he could collaborate with Kacchan. If Kacchan wasn’t always being…”It’s a nice thought I guess.” Even though it was true, Kacchan would get nowhere using a childish picture book. He wasn’t even sure anything in that book was researchable.

“You have his number, right?” Kirishima asked.

“No.” Izuku said. Why would he have Kacchan’s number? They might have been childhood friends but never had they once exchanged contact info.

“I’ll give it to you.” Kirishima pulled out his cellphone. “Text him. You always have this weird effect that pushes Katsuki to do his best.”

“I do?”

“Yeah. Ah, maybe I used the wrong word. It’s not weird. It’s a good thing actually. Katsuki always gets hyped up about you.”

“Hyped up or aggressive?” Izuku pulled out his phone. He didn’t think Kacchan thought that hard about their interactions.

“That’s just his way of respect.” Kirishima grinned.

Izuku would really like to believe that.

Part 3

The walls in the dorm were paper thin. Everyone could hear everything. Izuku could constantly hear the people above him and below him. Either they were goofing off or talking loudly, their voices carried. It was as the saying goes, the walls have ears.

Izuku didn’t try to overhear gossip, but it happened sometimes. Even now, when he was walking through the common area. He heard some yelling and shouting. It encouraged his feet to move a bit faster. Today had been a long day, he spent most of it trying to write the first two pages of his report. Not how he wanted to spend his Saturday. He turned the corner to reach his dorm room. The sound of footsteps closed in on him. Then a sharp pain forced his shoulders back as the weight on his back shifted. One second he was facing the door, the next he was staring into enraged red eyes.

“Kacchan?” Izuku croaked.

Everything had happened so suddenly, he thought a villain had broken in and attacked.

“They’re talking shit about me, aren’t they?” Katsuki shoved the paper in Izuku’s face.

“Eh?” Izuku jerked his head back.

“Answer the question, shitty nerd!”

“I wasn’t really focused on...on...hear them. Why are you asking me?”

“Because they were laughing at this. I’m not a fucking dumb ass, I can tell that’s a poorly drawn picture of me.” Katsuki pointed at the stick figure with explosions around them.

“Oh—oh…okay?” Izuku took the paper. He still didn’t understand what Katsuki wanted from him. Some kind of confirmation? The wrinkled paper had a stick figure and the words: Kiss Ass.

Katsuki wrinkled his brow. His mouth made a tutting sound as if dissatisfied, “You’re such a freaking, Deku.”

His eyes shifted, as if scanning over the paper. “This is all shitty hairs fault. He was so loud in that library everyone probably knows…”

Izuku held the paper out.

“Don’t give me that garbage back! What the hell am I going to do with it?”

“Report it.”

“So they did write some mean shit about me?” Katsuki created a few explosions in his palms. His already pissed expression seemed to darken. “I’m going to kill them!” He released his iron grip on Izuku’s shoulder and grabbed the paper.

Izuku felt his heart race as Katsuki turned his back on him. Had Kacchan come to him because he was the only person in their class dorms? No. He was sure he heard Denki in here. Did that mean…

“Kacchan!”

“What?” Katsuki paused. He didn’t face Izuku or make eye contact. His one word response was blunt and straightforward.

It was so blunt it made Izuku feel a bit stupid.

He blinked twice. Why had he actually tried to say anything?

“I don’t like my time being wasted, nerd.”

“Then you could have just kept walking and ignored me, but you didn’t!” Izuku said.

Katsuki slowly turned his head to face him. “Guess I’m stupid for always making time for you.”

Izuku felt like he’d gotten punched in his chest. The oxygen fled his lungs and he couldn’t breathe for a few seconds.

“Be careful.” Katsuki said. It looked like a smug smirk tugged on the corner of his lips. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked forward. “About wasting my time on nonsense.”

Part 4

The bell for the end of the school day couldn’t have come sooner. Izuku closed his notebook and began to gather his things. He could hear the chatter among his classmates as they left out the door. Most of them were talking about the latest tv shows or gossip. It was a good change of pace compared to all the hectic things happening.

Uraraka’s skirt brushed against his desk, “Hey, Izuku. How’s your report doing?”

“It’s going.” Izuku began putting his stuff in his backpack. “How about you?”

“I’m doing mine over Mt Lady.” Uraraka fumbled with her backpack straps. ��Hard to find many articles about her, rescue style though.”

“Yeah. I feel like Mr. Aizawa and the other teachers really wanted to give us a challenge. I went to the library a few days ago and got some books.”

“You’re doing All Might?”

“How’d you know?”

“As if you’d choose anyone else!” Uraraka laughed.

“Haha.” Izuku nervously tapped at his chin. Was he really that obvious? If so does that mean Kacchan had noticed? The more he considered what happened yesterday, the more he thought about what he really wanted to ask Kacchan about. He wanted to know how Kacchan’s report was going. He shifted his eyes over to see Katsuki. Katsuki had his book opened, eyes glued to the page with his brow furrowed.

“There’s a reason why they’re making it so difficult, ya know.” Uraraka leaned in closer to him and mouthed, “To weed out the posers.”

“A rumor started by Stain’s sympathizers?” Izuku raised a brow. Even though they fought Stain a year ago, his ideology hadn’t died out. There were still many people who seemed ready to follow his words from his grave.

“Actually it was more so around the sports festival when everyone was watching. But it came up again after the attack during our summer training.” Uraraka pulled out her phone and opened social media. She showed him a few angry posts and discussion boards all about U.A.

Someone or a group of people out to tarnish U.A’s good name? It sounded like a rumor started by villains. But then again there were some salty students who got rejected and had to choose a different school. Rumors were easy to grow and hard to stomp out.

“Don’t you think it’s weird that a person can score low on the written and multiple choice part of the entrance exam but still get into U.A?” Uraraka asked.

“Well I suppose that’s what makes it fair. A combination of fighting and knowledge.” Izuku never really thought about it. He had been too focused on meeting the requirements. That should be all that mattered. A passing grade no matter what.

“I suppose, but a bunch of other kids who got rejected were pretty pissed. I heard they started spreading rumors…” Uraraka dropped her voice, “Saying they sucked up to the teachers before time.”

Izuku didn’t know why but he suddenly got reminded of the note from yesterday. The poorly scribbled words written with malice and directed at… His eyes shifted back to a truffle of blond hair.

Katsuki was still sitting at his desk. A cheek in his palm and the book from the library resting next to his elbow. He hadn’t flipped from the same page he’d been staring at for minutes.

“If anything I don’t think it should matter, since if you can’t keep your grades up you get kicked out of school.” Uraraka said.

“Kicked out? U.A. does that?”

“It still operates like a regular high school.”

Is that why Katsuki was…? Izuku pulled out his phone. No. Texting him now would do no good. He walked past Katsuki’s desk, talking loudly. “I guess, whoever those people are will have to work really hard to prove them wrong!”

Katsuki lifted his head. His tired eyes met with Izuku’s. No words were said, but his blank expression was self-explanatory.

Part 5

Texting would be the true decision factor if Izuku’s guess was true. It would be a risk, sure. There was no guarantee that Katsuki would even respond or that he could respond.

Izuku rested his head against his pillow, the glow of his phone screen made his eyes water slightly as he typed away.

Izuku: Hi Kacchan (^*^)/ It’s Izuku

He double checked the time stamp. No read receipt just delivered.

Welp. Not like him and Kacchan have been close. Sure once upon time they were going to be the best...but now… Sometimes Izuku felt like there was a lot of animosity between them. A part of him wished, Katsuki would view him the same way he did when they were younger. Maybe that was the ignorantly blissful side that believed getting a quirk would let him earn Katsuki’s respect. Hmm... Kirishima was probably closer to Katsuki than he would probably ever be.

That fact made Izuku feel funny. It made his head hurt. It made his heart race. It made his stomach fill with butterflies.

He didn’t know how to act around Kacchan.

He didn’t know what to say around Kacchan.

After their team up on the final last year, things seemed good. Summer had come and gone. But not without leaving a few mental scars after their fight.

No wonder Katsuki was doing his report on All Might. His feelings. His way of taking responsibility for...

Maybe no response was for the best. He locked his phone and set it on his nightstand.

Vrr

His phone?

Vrrrrrr

Izuku grabbed his phone off the nightstand.

Kacchan: Who?

Kacchan: Oh wait.

Kacchan: Don’t text my phone with that Izuku crap, Deku.

Izuku: Deku is mah hero name

A response came quicker this time,

Kacchan: that’s the damn name I gave you don’t forget it.

For some reason, Izuku felt his face heat up.

Kacchan: How did you get my number?

Izuku: Kirishima

Kacchan: Damn him.

Izuku found it strange how proper Katsuki typed. He even added PERIODS. But if Katsuki could type, maybe his assumption had been…

Izuku: How ur report

Kacchan: That’s what he wanted you to ask me?

Izuku kind of wanted to say that he personally wanted to know. Kacchan seemed to withdraw himself from talking a lot about All Might after their fight.

Izuku: We r doing All Might! share ideas??????

Kacchan: Never figured you were a cheater.

He was a WHAT?

Kacchan: Delete my number.

Izuku had no clue what just happened. He shaky typed: We don’t need to fight, before he could press send another message came.

Kacchan: Didn’t I tell you not to pity me?

Izuku quickly back spaced his message. He wrote a new one: Sharing ideas is wat friends do

Kacchan: You think we’re friends?

Ouch. Izuku didn’t know how to respond.

Kacchan: I can’t be friends with you.

Izuku: WHY

Kacchan: You know.😈

That’s right…Kacchan probably hated him. He was dumb to think that fight was any type of heart to heart.

Izuku: srry

He shouldn’t tell how he was worried. Kacchan would hate the idea of that. Kacchan hated the idea of weakness.

Izuku: good night

He was surprised to see, Kacchan is typing…

Kacchan: Did I give you permission to sleep, nerd?

Kacchan: WAKE UP! I know there is a reason you texted me. You were looking at me strange.

Izuku: ……..?

Kacchan: Don’t make me walk over and pound on your door in the middle of the night.

Izuku: Huh?

Kacchan: You know I’m reckless enough to do it.

They were already on shaky terms with the teachers after their fight. The last thing Izuku wanted was more trouble.

Kacchan: Walking over.

Izuku: Wat do u wanna know?🥺🥺🥺

Kacchan: I should be asking you that.

A few minutes ticked by. No follow up question.

Izuku: How can you type?

A knock came at his room door.

“DEKU!!!!” Katsuki shouted.

Izuku jumped out of bed. Sometimes he questioned Kacchan’s sanity. He cracked open the room door, light spilled into his bedroom over his All Might figures and posters.

“You tell anyone, you’re fucking dead.” Katsuki hissed.

Izuku rubbed the tears forming in the corner of his eyes and yawned. What was Katsuki talking about?

“Are you going to play dumb?” Katsuki asked.

“I...uhh, did you see my text or—“

Katsuki pushed Izuku backwards into the dark room. He felt himself almost trip over his feet. A strong hand over his face forced him into submission as the sound of a click signalled the room door locking.

“Did...did...did you just lock me in my own room?” Izuku choked over his own words. He felt his stomach flip flop as the scent of Katsuki’s cologne filled his nostrils.

“Don’t play with me, Deku. You know not to fucking play with me.” Katsuki’s voice dipped into a growl.

Izuku felt Kastuki’s sweaty palms move from his face to comb through his curly green hair. He felt his breath hitch, “What are you so paranoid about?” He couldn’t see Katsuki’s face but he sensed his reaction—anger.

“You...do you have to be such a smartass all the time? You’re so damn smart! You look at me. You see me. You know me. You’ve known me longer than anyone so...Just! Just shut up about it!”

“I’m not talking about any—Mmm!”

Hot lips pressed against his own.

Was Kacchan kissing him?

Izuku’s lips moved to kiss Katsuki back. It was only for a few seconds, sharing the same breath with each other. He shifted upwards on his toes, as Katsuki held his head in place. So warm. So soft. Gentle? The kiss was so light.

Okay. Don’t freak out.

“You tell anyone my secret and I’ll tell yours.” Katsuki whispered.

Okay. Now freak out.

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” Izuku shouted. He opened his mouth to say more but Katsuki’s finger pressed against his lips.

“I’ll tell everyone you’re my boyfriend.” Katsuki said.

“You’re the one who kissed me?” Izuku couldn’t speak above a whisper. Someone would hear. Someone would get suspicious. Someone…

“And I’ll do it again.” Katsuki didn’t say it like a threat. It was said like a promise. He lowered his hand from Izuku’s head. “I’ll kiss you stupid.”

Izuku was so thankful the lights were off. He could feel himself blushing. His heart felt ready to burst. Katsuki couldn’t be his friend but his boyfriend?! What exactly did Katsuki think he…

“Recordings. Picture books. Speech to text.” Katsuki unlocked his phone with a pattern. A comic book of All Might pulled up in a web browser. “I doubt this counts as a reliable source.”

Izuku’s eyes widened slightly. But that meant… How had Kacchan...just using those same tools?

“Simple repetition really helps. Plus the world is filled with shapes and pictures. Ramen shops usually have a sign with a bowl of noodles next to them. Bus stops are round signs and have a picture of a bus.” Katsuki tapped the search bar and automatically the microphone icon appeared. “I never had a need to seriously learn beyond writing my name for a while.”

“I’ve seen you write before.”

“I didn’t say I was dumb. I learn words from tv sometimes.”

Considering how Katsuki’s first choice of a hero name was Lord Explosion Murder, Izuku could believe half of Katsuki’s vocab came from tv.

“When texting, I have my phone programmed to read every message I receive from people outloud.”

Something about the tone Katsuki spoke in, made Izuku’s heart clench. The overconfidence was gone. An unrecognizable tone had replaced it. Not emptiness or disappointment, no sadness or regret. Katsuki stated everything as it was—fact.

“My mom yelled at my teachers to pass me along.” Katsuki sighed. “Because I’d be damned if I ever fell further behind you.”

Izuku noticed the book on his nightstand. A book filled of knowledge about rescues in high risk situations. In a way Kacchan was at high risk of failing. Poor Kacchan held hostage by his stubborn ideals. But Kacchan wasn’t so arrogant not to know—that he was behind him...FAR behind him.

“You want me to teach you?” Izuku knew he couldn’t save everyone. There were probably a bunch more people who’d been pushed along through school. But if he could just help Kacchan.

“I don’t want you to do anything. This isn’t a cry for help so don’t twist things up in the one track mind of yours.” Katsuki lowered his phone. “If you tell anyone I can’t read pass a 3rd grade level, you know.” He leaned in closer to Izuku till their lips brushed. “What everyone will learn.”

Izuku grabbed onto Katsuki’s shirt before he pulled back. “Is this why you can’t be friends with me?” He felt Katsuki try to yank away but he held tighter. “Cause you're embarrassed? I don’t care about that stuff.”

“No. I just can’t view you as a friend. Not after everything before and this. Getting kidnapped gave me time to rethink my life.”

“You’re blackmailing me out of your life?”

“Only if you can't keep your mouth shut.” Katsuki used his knuckles to tilt Izuku’s head up. He seemed to be inspecting those pink lips he kissed. “Think of it as a test of loyalty. It’s only fair I know a secret about you in exchange for one of mine.”

Izuku released his hold on Katsuki’s shirt. He didn’t try to know Kacchan’s secret! It was just a guess. Kacchan had stormed in his dorm room, kissed him, then twisted all the events to make it sound like a damn scandal.

“Not even Kirishma knows, count yourself lucky.” Katsuki walked over and unlocked the door. He slipped out into the hallway and closed the door back much quieter than how he had originally entered.

Izuku was left alone in the darkness. The only sound he could focus on was his heart as his fingers ran over his lips. Kacchan. Was it normal for people to trade secrets like that? Did a kiss seal the deal or...did he kiss him just to tease? He laid back on his bed, trying to ignore the confusion fluttering around in his stomach.

~

Just an idea.

Yes BONUS—Katsuki being stubborn about confessing his feelings so acts in the most annoying way to just get under Izuku’s skin. Izuku still tries to teach him how to read properly, while dealing with his newly discovered crush on Katsuki. Imagine how they could confess!?

#just thinking #bakudeku #Katsuki just does stuff not even he understands #Izuku is helpful and confused #in my heart they sail to happiness #these dorks #bkdk fluff #my hero academia #bakugou katsuki #izuku midoriya #bkdk #mha #my writing #no spell check

[unsaidholland]

fantasy | h. holland

hello friends here is a harry blurb i wrote and finished at 2 am! very very heavily inspired by fantasy by khai dreams (one of my favourite songs, go check it out if you’d like!) and i won’t lie, i kinda love this???

warnings: kinda sad, mentions of low self esteem and anxiety, harry moving on from a break up :(

you and harry were highschool sweethearts. everyone thought that the two of you would last, but a few years after graduation the two of you had broken up. neither one of you expected this, but it was what happened and you couldn’t change the events. you weren’t perfect, and neither was harry, but looking back on the relationship, he always thought you were like a fantasy; too perfect to be true.

harry wasn’t sure if he ever had the chance to tell you how much you truly meant to him in the end. when you were together he always told you that he loved you, and he told you that you were everything to him, but it wasn’t the same. he loved you, and he still loves you, but he knew that the breakup had to happen. he wanted you to know that he’d always love you and that you would always mean everything to him, but he also wondered if you would ever love yourself the same way you loved him. your love for harry was undeniable, but your self-love was, oftentimes than not, quite nonexistent. harry thought back to the countless nights where he held you and kissed away your insecurities. he thought about the way you seemed so fragile in his arms, but he held you tighter, hoping that his love for you would seep through your pores and into your veins. he hoped that you could feel his love so strongly and that his love was enough for the both of you. in the end, it may not have been.

as harry laid in bed, a movie he had seen countless times with you playing on his laptop, he wondered if you would go to the places you had always dreamt of: paris, osaka, madrid. the list could go on. he wondered if you would find yourself a new partner who would end up being like a fantasy to you. maybe you and your new partner would go to the places you dreamt of together. maybe you would fall in love again with someone from one of those places. whatever it was, he thought you deserved love and happiness. despite that, he wanted so desperately for you to feel the same way about him; he wanted the chance to be your fantasy. maybe if he ever ran into you again, wherever that would be, he would tell you that you were his fantasy.

the autumn leaves started falling. as the seasons changed and time went on, he noticed himself falling out of love with you. it wasn’t like it mattered anymore, the two of you weren’t together anyways, but he still felt like he was letting go of a part of him that he wasn’t ready to let go of quite yet. he’ll never forget the nights you helped him with his anxiety, and how just seeing you was enough to calm him down. how your touch was enough to ease all his nerves, and your voice was enough to put a stop to all his negative thoughts. he felt good knowing that there was so much of his life that he had yet to live. harry would take any chance to see you again, hear your voice again, and feel your touch again. he hoped that it would happen, but all in due time is what he reminded himself.

he took tessa out for a walk. as he walked through the park, seeing all the red and orange leaves scattered upon the grass, he thought of the things you’ve said to him. letting tessa off her leash, allowing her to run around and play with the other dogs, he thought of how every ‘i love you’ you ever said to him was so full of emotion. it was never empty. he thought of how you always told him he would go far in his career, and how you promised you would be with him on the red carpet premiere of his first movie. he thought of how truthful your promises were, how your eyes would light up just talking about his career and the success that you thought was guaranteed. the curly-haired boy wondered if you would keep your promise. things you said to him floated around his head. the wind picked up a little bit, and some of the leaves started to blow away, some of your promises leaving with them.

winter had rolled around, and harry was still stuck on you. though his feelings weren’t as strong as they used to be, he was convinced he would always love you. though the breakup had occurred more than a year ago, he was still confused. he loved you, but he felt like he had no path. at first, he had swamped himself with work, hoping that it would be enough of a distraction from losing you, but then all his work wasn’t turning out the way he wanted to, so he had taken a break from working, and was now slowly getting back into it. he had finished editing a short film, one that you had helped with, and all he could think about was you. he knew that by the time spring would roll around, he would be okay, he would obtain clarity. he was still reflecting on your relationship. though his brothers constantly told him he was dwelling, the truth was he wasn’t ready to let you go. you were so perfect to him, it was like he had fantasized you, like you were straight out of one of his dreams.

as he fiddled with the left cuff of his purple crewneck with one hand, watching the final cut of his short film, he realized that he had lost you. he wondered if this was how the universe had intended for the two of you to end up. he felt like he had lost his other half. as he thought about the weight of your hand in his, and the feeling of your kiss on his cheek, harry knew he would be okay in the end. after all, you were never really gone, he would always be able to rewatch the videos of you two together and attempt to feel like you were really right beside him. he would always fail, but it was okay. he would never know for sure if you two would find your way back to each other, but wherever you were now, harry knew you were living life as normal, and that was enough for him to carry on with life again.

-

harry holland taglist: @euphorichxlland​

anything and everything taglist: @hollanderfangirl​ @hxrryhxlland​ @ohmy-moonlightx​ @musicalkeys​ @notsosmexy​

#harry holland #harry holland blurb #harry holland angst #harry holland imagine #harry holland x reader #harry holland x you #harry holland x y/n