#I'm joking but the fact that this is POSSIBLE now is actually terrifying to me

[lovingherwasgay]

the year is 2025. taylor swift finally releases a statement penned by herself to confirm her heterosexuality. to defuse the accusations of her "being homophobic for not wanting to be seen as gay" she also explains that her distaste comes from the incessant theorizing on her personal life, not on being perceived as gay itself. and to prove this is a phenomenon that doesn't affect only herself, she provides some examples. her first mention? misha collins.

#and then dan and phil post a picture kissing while holding the gay flag #I'm joking but the fact that this is POSSIBLE now is actually terrifying to me #like she COULD be aware of misha's tweet to her AND of that article AND therefore of destiel and even cockles??? (mentioned in artc.) #oh heller swift we're really in it now #taylor swift #Misha collins #supernatural #spn #s18

[celiciaa]

GILBERT VON OBSIDIAN EVENT STORY....

CHAPTER ONE.

I just love you.

translations are not 100% accurate. expect mistakes.

special thanks to @otomehoneyybearr for proofreading! ♡

minors and ageless blogs dni.

One day, I was caught in a runaway carriage in town and lost my memory.

Gilbert: This is trouble. I never expected the little rabbit would forget about all our time together. 

Gilbert: The coachman who caused this accident will be executed at once…

Gilbert: The main issue is this distance between us.

(….This is a nightmare.) 

(I'm having a bad dream right now.)

I was working at the small bookstore in Rhodolite, the land of roses and art.

But for some reason, I woke up in the castle of Obsidian, an enemy nation of military and ore.

The unrealistic nightmare of being confronted by a handsome looking man with black hair and one eye from the royal family makes me feel dizzy.

(Why am I in Obsidian? And why is a member of the royal family approaching me?)

I rolled off the bed and ran to the wall but,

The man who introduced himself as Gilbert steadily closed the distance between us.

At first glance, he looked like he was smiling, but his blood-colored eye was not, which was simply terrifying.

(He’s the infamous Obsidianite royal family who must have killed many people so far—-)

(If I'm not careful, he could kill me too.)

Gilbert: Hmm, to be so frightened by the little rabbit who loved me so much...

Gilbert: I'm so shocked that I feel like I want to prepare a cage right away.

Walter: You idiot! Don't say that even if it is a joke!

Then, the man who claimed to be the royal physician, Mr. Walter, yelled so loudly that it made me flinch involuntarily.

Walter: You always think of imprisonment and execution whenever someone is in trouble.

Gilbert: I’m serious, you know? Once I confine the little rabbit, she can't escape.

(…)

Walter: Don't threaten the injured person. Look at how pale her face is.

Gilbert: Aah, sorry? I'm the kind and sweet villain to you, so if you don't like it, I'll stop.

Gilbert: But, you know what will happen if you keep acting like that...right?

(I might actually end up being trapped.)

It didn't seem like this was the right time to be afraid and try to escape from reality.

I fought the urge in my body to escape from Gilbert standing in front of me, and held my ground. 

(First, I’ll assess the situation. If I can’t recall anything, I won’t know the right way to act.)

Emma: Why…am I in Obsidian?

Gilbert: Of course, because I brought you here.

Emma: But why a commoner like me….?

Gilbert: Because I’m the big villain who loves the little rabbit very much.

Emma: …Am I the little rabbit?

Gilbert: Yes, that's right. I love you.

(…I don't understand.)

But surely, I see my reflection captured in those seemingly indifferent red eye.

I felt his genuine feeling of love, and had no choice but to accept Gilbert’s words.

Emma: Can you tell me how I got here?

Gilbert: Sure, I'll spend the whole night telling you.

Gilbert: In bed. 

(!?) 

━━

(I never thought he would actually bring me to bed…)

After Mr. Walter finished treating me, I was led into a spacious room covered in black interior

I was intrigued by the shelves lined with many books that rivaled any bookstore,

Gilbert stopped in front of the bed and urged me to sit down.

(Perhaps this is Gilbert's room?)

(…I can imagine the consequences for not complying would be horrific.)

I tried to sit as far away from him as possible, but Gilbert mercilessly settled down close enough for our shoulders to touch.

I quickly gave up. 

Gilbert: Now, let's start off with the fact that you were chosen as Belle.

━━

Gilbert: ——And so, you are now loved by me, the world's greatest villain, and we lived happily ever after.

(No, no, no….!) 

(Wait, is what you just said true!?)

I was chosen as Belle to select the next king of Rhodolite,

Apparently, I caught Gilbert’s attention when he visited to participate in a social event,

And now he’s telling me that I’m his fiancée or something….

(This…has to be a lie.)

Gilbert: Let me tell you, I don't lie.

Emma: ….

Gilbert: Huh, you froze. Is it that hard to accept?

Emma: ….I don't think I'll ever be able to accept it.

(It's as if I've been told a grand story, and…it doesn't seem like it's my own.) // (It's as if I've been told a grand story, and…it doesn't feel like it's about me.)

Gilbert: I see. Then it can’t be helped if your mind rejects it.

Gilbert: But it’s possible that your body might remember.

Emma: What?

The corners of Gilbert’s mouth raised into a smile as he pushed my shoulders and laid me down on the sheets. 

I could easily imagine what would happen next, and my blood ran cold.

Emma: Please stop!

Gilbert: Why? Didn't I just tell you that I'm your fiancé?

Gilbert: We used to do things like this quite often.

I feel his cold lips touch my ears and he bites down forcefully. 

I winced in pain, and he lapped my skin with his tongue.

(This man...seriously…)

(But I don't know...it just feels weird.)

Even though I was being assaulted by a man who I barely know, I don’t feel any disgust at all.

It seems to be true that my body remembers.

Still, my heart couldn't keep up, so I pushed back against his chest, Gilbert bit my skin once more then pulled away.

Gilbert: Did you believe that? // Did you fall for that? 

Emma: Was this a joke? 

Gilbert: You’re injured.

Gilbert: If it weren't for that, I would have forced you to remember.

Emma: ….

Gilbert: Didn't I tell you? That I’m the kind and sweet villain to you.

Gilbert: I'll just have to remind you slowly. // I’ll make sure you remember slowly. 

Gilbert: Even if you lost your memories, you can never escape from me…okay?

Gilbert combs my hair with his fingers and kisses me.

It was a gentle touch that conveyed love and affection.

(He's supposed to be scary, but...he really seems to love me.)

Why he fell in love with me was never mentioned in the conversation.

(I wonder if one day I'll be able to remember.)

(…I want to remember.)

━━

The next day, the confusion and agitation caused by the memory loss still lingered—-

Gilbert invited me to visit a quiet place full of plants.

Gilbert: ….

Emma: …..

(…There’s nothing to do.)

It felt like a laboratory, with equipment here I've never seen before and tags attached to plants. // The equipment I had never seen before and the tags attached to the plants looked like a laboratory.

(It doesn't seem like it...or maybe it really is.)

Gilbert is silently writing difficult formulas on a document.

It was somehow refreshing to me.

(I wonder if there's anything to do….)

As I looked around, carefully examining each item one by one, something caught my eye.

Emma: A rose…?

 ▸       [  next ]

#ikemen prince #ikepri #ikemen prince spoilers #ikepri jp #ikepri translations #ikemen series #cybird #gilbert von obsidian #ikepri gilbert

[bonny-kookoo]

Finish Line request!

I find the first meetings fascinating, so I'm sorry if I always ask for them... But if possible, first time nerdyJK and MC met, please!

"I think this one looks angry." You speak up, making Jungkook snap his head up towards you.

He's- a little taken aback. You.. do not look like the type of girl to really go to a motor show on your own accord. And, considering how utterly pretty you are, you're probably here with your boyfriend- who must be a total idiot to leave you alone like that, if one was to ask Jungkook.

"Don't you think?" You look at him now, curious smile on your shimmering lips. "It's frowning." You giggle, and he can't find words for a second, before he moves a little to stand next to you, looking at the front of the currently displayed race car.

It's a Ford Fusion- one of the cars with some of the most wins in Nascar history up until now. And now that he looks at it..

"It uh.. it does." He mumbles, making you laugh. At him? Or with him?

"See! Told you." You beam, swaying back and forth on your high heeled shoes. Your skirt is short, nails a pale pink. There's a hello kitty charm on your bracelet. Your entire outfit seems to be matched by the theme of that little cat, in fact.

"I guess.." He says, scolding himself. This is why he's fucking single. He just can't talk to girls at all, not at his school, not now. He's about to graduate for fucks sake, and he's still a virgin.

"Do you know a lot about cars?" You wonder, and he shrugs.

"A little." He admits. He actually knows a lot. But he doesn't want to seem nerdy.

"Heh, I don't buy that." You grin at him with a suspicious gaze. "I don't know shit about them. I'm scared to drive, actually." You admit.

"H-how so?" He asks. Keep the conversation going Jungkook, you're doing great!

"My dad and I went camping like, five years ago I think?" You say, tilting your head a bit in thought, before you lift your skirt a little- not enough to show off anything scandalous, but enough to show a clear scar, faded, but very visible on your thigh. "He crashed that car 'cause he was drunk. One of the metal pipes went right-" You turn your body and leg- another scar on the other side of your thigh, "-through my leg." You explain.

"Oh.." Jungkook doesn't know what else to say.

"I'm terrified of it now. My friends and I went here by train because I still can't stand driving in a car." You laugh.

"M-maybe.. you could start with slow steps?" He wonders. "Like- just sit in one for a bit. No driving, just.. I don't know, read a book. To.. make yourself feel comfortable little by little." He explains, muscles trembling a little as he forces his voice to stay strong.

"Huh. That.. sounds actually really smart." You pout to yourself. "I think I'll do that." You chirp, and he smiles in return, making you open your mouth to say something, when a friend calls your name, catching up to you, and taking your attention away as you wave at him as you walk away.

And Jungkook brushes it off in disappointment, unaware that just a year later he'd meet you again, at a coffee shop he'd visit with his friends.

"Oh." His eyes widen as he recognizes your pretty face, hair a bit different now, but still fitting you well.

You seem to think for a second, and then you smile that million-dollar-smile at him again, ceramic braces almost invisible to him if he wasn't so focused on details all the time.

"Oh, it's you!" You beam at him happily.

"It's me." He chuckles, friends behind him both confused and a little impressed that he seems to know you. "I uh.."

"Do you wanna go on a date?" You ask him boldly, and his eyes are as wide as they go. "I mean- this is the second time I meet you. Gotta be a sign from upstairs- or downstairs, I don't really care." You joke, leaning forwards a bit.

"I mean- yeah? Yeah! Yeah let's uh.. I don't know?" He stutters a bit helplessly.

"Cool!" You giggle. "That's.." You mumble, writing something down on his receipt. "..my number. Just text me whatever- just no dick pics please, those are kinda cringe." You say, making him frown a bit to himself before he laughs.

"Don't worry, I won't." He promises, before he pays for his drinks, and leaves with his friends-

His first date with you not even a week later, marking the beginning of a love that will last forever.

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook imagine #bts jungkook imagine #bts jungkook fanfic #bts jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader

[midniiights-garden]

Your Eyes... They're like Diamonds. Mizu x Fem!Reader [2]

Summary: The second part of your encounter with Mizu. Things will get heated, but by how much is the question.

Possible TWs!!: Suggestive themes, nudity, cursing

IF YOU ARE NOT 18+ PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE READING!!

"What?"

Mizu stared at you, completely and utterly confused. Did... Did you just ask her to stab you? Most people would be terrified to have her blade at their throat yet you seemed a little bit too eager. A bit too happy. She lowers her katana, now attempting to recover herself. She was still buck ass naked after all.

"I'm sorry... What did you just ask me?" Mizu asks again, brows drawn as she continues to try to comprehend what you just said.

"I-I, uh-!" I stutter, now realising how awkward this was. The words hadn't meant to slip out of my mouth yet it happened. However, I was terribly underequipped socially to respond. I could only stare (at her face... not anything else...) as I feel my face heat up, not able to do anything much.

"Did... why?" Mizu continues.

"I... you're just... you know... really pretty...?" I squeak, feeling my face get redder and redder with each word. Despite being in a snowy landscape I defintely did not feel it. My entire body was hot with both shame and embarassment, my eyes refusing to meet Mizu's.

On the other hand Mizu is absolutely reeling. Were you joking? You didn't seem like it. No, you were far too embarassed by your words to have been joking. But... did that mean you were attracted to women? And if you were... why did she actually feel happy about it?

Mizu did not have a great many examples of romantic nor sexual relationships. Her mother raised her alone (for obvious reasons), Master Eiji's wife was dead and then there was whatever the hell Akemi and Taigen had. So, not many good examples. And her own past marriage was... not great either. To put it lightly. Mizu had always just assumed she was solely attracted to men and yet here she was, absolutely confused as to why she felt so elated that there was a possibility you were attracted to her. Scratch that: that you were definitely attracted to her.

I had been standing there for a while now as Mizu lost herself in her thoughts, my face somehow continuing to go red. Why? Why did she have to be built so beautifully? From her lithe form to the curve of her hips and breasts it was so incredibly hard to keep your thoughts PG13.

"Uh... M-Mizu?" I manage to croak. "Do you... maybe... want to put some clothes on...?" With that Mizu's trance is broken, her eyes snapping upwards to meet mine (much to my dismay). She marches forward, pinning me against a nearby tree. Her hands are on either side of my face, her eyes glaring daggers into mine.

"Do you think this is funny?" She hisses, still not wanting to believe the things I had said.

I shake my head. "N-No! Not at all! Mizu, I'm being serious-"

She doesn't allow me to finish, her lips enclosing over mine before I could even get a word in. My breath hitches in my throat, breathing completely stopped as she kisses me. Her lips were so... so soft. Holy shit. I was in absolute heaven. Once she pulled away I swore I was going to pass out, her brilliant blue eyes staring into mine.

She huffs, her heart hammering in her chest. Mizu didn't understand why she felt like this. She didn't understand why she was so... turned on? Was she turned on? She defintely felt like she was turned on. Watching the way your face moved, the widening of your eyes, the twitch of your lips and the furrow of your brows. When had you gotten so pretty? Without thinking Mizu trails her hand towards your hip, rubbing circles over your clothed skin.

"What the fuck is this..." Mizu grumbles, moving her lips towards your neck.

"M-Mizu?" I squeak, eyes widening even further. I felt hot. So hot. Even more hot than before. If my earlier heat was caused by embarassment this bout of heat was caused by the fact that she was quite literally feeling me up now.

"Do you want this?" Mizu finally whispers.

(A/N: HAHAHAHAHA YOU THOUGHT FUCKERS. Jk im gonna continue this, i just felt like it needed some prerequisite explanation and build up as i wanted to really emphasisize the point that Mizu was confused. Plus, in my personal headcanons (and somewhat canon) she is rather hesitant to initiate or engage in physical intimacy. So, ig my own fanfic is breaking my own characterization a lil 😭😭😭)

#mizu blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai #i love women #mizu #i love fictional characters #wlw #mizu come home the kids miss you #mizu x reader #i love the traumatized sword lady #x reader #x female reader #x fem!reader #suggestive

[beomgyuslilracha]

the ceo's son ✧.* [ pt. 6 ]

⊹ pairing: choi soobin x f! reader

⊹ genre: strangers to friends to potential lovers (?)

⊹ warnings: none ! (unless you count like one or two death jokes)

⊹ wc: 4.4k

summary: you've been an intern at c company for roughly over four months now - directly under the ceo as his assistant. everything was going perfectly: you were saving up money to attend uni next year, and you knew that you were under the ceo's good graces to receive a great recommendation when the time came! in fact, he took a liking to you so much that he'd often joke that he wanted to set you up with his son. at least ... you thought it was a joke.

"a group date. you made me rush all the way down here ... for a group date?"

"okay, in our defense, you rushed down here completely on your own," beomgyu quickly stated, lifting his hands up as if to protect his face.

were he not under the public eye, as well as at risk of you possibly spotting him at any minute, soobin surely would've strangled all four of his friends then and there.

"i told you this was a bad idea," yeonjun grumbled, trying to peer through the restaurant window to spot which of the girls in there had his friend so smitten.

seeing as he was now the only one of the group who had yet to see you in person, he was definitely feeling out of the loop.

"i can't possibly go in there, i'm going to look crazy," soobin groaned, his hands stressfully running through his hair as he began pacing back and forth.

"because rushing in there to ruin an actual date would've been fine?" taehyun questioned, judging the priorities his friend had in place.

finally pulling himself away from the window and ending his losing game of guessing who you were, yeonjun stepped back into the group. he was getting bored of their standing around. "as far as she knows, you already had plans, so i say we just go home."

soobin was on the verge of agreeing with yeonjun again, but he was lucky for another voice to give him an equally good idea.

"or we can go in there and pretend to run into her coincidentally while in the middle of said plans," taehyun suggested, though not exactly proud of it.

if he was being entirely honest, he really just wanted to see what would happen.

"i'm kind of on board with this," kai jumped in next - the second person who just really wanted to see what would happen.

soobin was now having a staring contest with the door, starting to wonder if going in there would be a good idea. as far as he knew, you were upset with him, so what if you seeing him just made things worse?

"sure, come rushing down here to ruin a date with no problem," beomgyu commented amidst his thoughts. "but going in there to have dinner? that takes a lot of thinking."

after smacking beomgyu for his unnecessary commentary, soobin then forced his friends to enter the restaurant first. his nerves had him wanting to hide for just a little bit longer - genuinely terrified of the idea of you actually spotting him.

taehyun, unfortunately, ended up putting himself in charge of grabbing soobin by the wrist and physically dragging him along behind them. had soobin been left to walk on his own, he would've turned entirely around and headed home without a word.

he just wasn't ready.

sure, he headed right over without a second thought because of how desperately he wanted to see you, but now he was thinking - and he was thinking he should have stayed home.

"hi, can we get that table over there? yeah, right over there beside that group?"

beomgyu has now made second on soobin's list of who to strangle before the night was over. yeonjun had already occupied the first.

per beomgyu's instruction, the hostess lead the five of them right over to their table ... the table perfectly placed right beside yours. the table that was going to give soobin a heart attack the closer they got to it.

without even needing to discuss anything with each other, all four idiots made sure to leave the seat closest to your table empty for soobin.

the seat that was conveniently right beside yours.

・❥・

that evening, you were sitting across from wooyoung and listening as he retold a story about an escape room he had done with a group of his friends. it was funny and most definitely interesting - it was strong enough to capture your whole attention away from the entire group.

even though you were all sitting together at the table, with chaewon sitting directly beside you, it felt like it was mostly you and wooyoung talking amongst yourselves.

you felt refreshed whenever you spoke with him. you genuinely enjoyed his company and you finally were able to draw away from thinking about soobin.

"y/n?"

your eyes flickered to the new presence you hadn't noticed standing beside your table. suddenly, you sat up completely straight in shock, even catching your best friend's attention - followed by everyone else shortly after.

"soobin! wha- what are you doing here?" that's when you noticed the table beside you, which sat four boys that were expectantly watching your entire exchange with amused smiles.

you were pretty sure you recognized three of them, but that wasn't important.

"that- that was a dumb question," you spoke before he could answer. "obviously you're here for dinner. with your friends. i'm sorry. i should let you-"

"actually, can i talk to you?" soobin quickly interrupted, very clearly taking a deep breath in order to calm himself.

a twist in your gut was giving you the idea that this did not feel like a good sign. either that or you just felt incredibly nervous all of a sudden - more so than you already were just from him standing there. or maybe it was both??

"yeah, sure, do you- do you wanna go outside?"

soobin nodded quickly, sending an awkward, thin-lipped smile to your group of friends, who had been watching the two of you ever since he showed up.

as you were about to stand, chaewon quickly grabbed your arm to stop you and gain your attention. you could practically hear her screaming at you from the silent glare in her eyes. you could hear every question she was asking from just the small lift of her eyebrow.

this is soobin? the soobin? are you gonna be okay? do you want me to cover for you? what about wooyoung?

you could only manage one solid nod before slipping your arm out of her grasp. just enough to signal that you were going to be okay and it was, hopefully, going to be completely fine.

finally following soobin to the outside of the restaurant, that's when you began to regret your decision.

why didn't you just say no? you began to think that you should've just stayed inside or at least asked chaewon for help. you couldn't handle being alone with him. what if he broke off your friendship?! what if this was some uncomfortable conversation he wanted to have about how you made things weird yesterday? what if-

"are you mad at me?"

you blinked and tilted your head, a bit confused. all the questions in your mind suddenly disappeared. "mad at you?"

"i just want you to know that it wasn't me who messaged you today," soobin quickly began to ramble, unable to help himself now that he was finally seeing you face-to-face. "yeonjun had my phone and he thought he was helping me, but he really just made things worse. i never wanted to cancel our plans; i really wanted to see you for lunch but he told you that i forgot when i didn't."

you opened your mouth to speak, but he continued.

"and then he told me to visit you after work because he thought it'd look cool if i did. but then you weren't there and you didn't answer my calls, and i really don't want you to be mad at me or avoid me because i really-"

"soobin!" you finally managed to stop him, your hands physically grasping either side of his arms. you were practically smiling from ear to ear, finding him even more adorable than ever. "i'm not mad at you. i forgot my phone at home, or else i promise i would have answered."

soobin sighed in complete relief from your words, purely glad that yeonjun didn't completely ruin his friendship with you.

although, his heart was still pounding out of his chest. he wasn't sure if you noticed, but he was mere seconds away from confessing to you like a complete idiot.

"if i'm being honest, i thought ... i thought you were mad at me," you admitted, now dropping your hands and avoiding his eyes.

"me? mad at you? y/n, i could never." he stepped forward and grasped both of your hands in his, sending your heart completely soaring from such a simple gesture. "why would you ever think that?"

soobin was genuinely surprised and, admittedly, hurt by your words. never did he want you to believe - not even for a single second - that he could ever feel anything but adoration for you.

"well, i thought you didn't want to see me anymore after ...," your words trailed off and your entire face began to heat up in embarrassment. "anyway, you told me it was your friend, so it really doesn't matter."

"i want to make it perfectly clear that, after this, he is not my friend," soobin stated, earning a smile from you that made him break into your favorite dimply grin.

the tug in your heart had you remembering just how much you missed his dimples. how much you missed him.

"you're right, sorry," you laughed at his clarification.

"i also want to make it clear that i would never not want to see you." soobin felt like he could throw up from nerves. he wanted so badly to tell you more. he wanted so badly to confess to you. a million thoughts were running through his head, and he was fighting so hard to think straight.

with your hands in his now, your eyes unwavering from his own, and his heart racing a million miles a minute, soobin wondered if he should tell you anyway. maybe the risk wouldn't be as scary as he thought. "i ... i really-"

"hey, y/n, are you alright?"

you finally broke eye contact with soobin to notice wooyoung standing at the doorway, his eyes moving back and forth between you both before landing finally on your hands.

"oh, yeah. yeah, i'm fine. we're just talking." you instinctively pulled your hands away, feeling embarrassed that wooyoung had seen it for himself. "is- is everything okay?"

"everything's fine. i was just getting worried since its been a while."

soobin felt ashamed for his thoughts. he felt ashamed for the way his entire demeanor dropped at the sight of this guy. he felt ashamed for hating the way he felt when you pulled your hands from his. he felt ashamed for the way he wanted whoever this was to immediately leave you both alone.

this was now the second time in the past few minutes that he attempted to tell you how he felt, but was only just barely interrupted right before he could say the words.

"we'll be right in, don't worry."

wooyoung only gave a brief nod before slowly retreating back inside, once again leaving you and soobin alone on the sidewalk.

this time, the silence felt much more awkward than it did a second ago.

now, all soobin could think about was who this guy was to you. was he your boyfriend? were you dating? were you just friends?

maybe the past two interruptions were a sign, in a way. maybe the universe was stopping soobin from making a fool of himself in front of you. if that was the guy who was waiting for you, then he clearly had no shot at ever hearing you feel the same way about him.

"we should go inside now," you finally spoke, trying to relieve a bit of the awkward tension that had settled in between the two of you.

you weren't sure what changed, but the lightness of your shoulders suddenly felt heavy again.

by the time you both had returned to your respective tables inside, it no longer was as refreshing as it had been before. the nice evening suddenly became much more awkward.

to make it worse, it suddenly felt like everyone's eyes in the entire restaurant were on you for a reason you couldn't explain.

not that you were entirely off for thinking that, considering the entirety of one particular table seemed to be watching your every move. four of them were watching you more so out of curiosity, while the other one was focused on studying your every movement and interaction with the boy in front of you.

the boy who was having a bit of a difficult time capturing your attention again.

you couldn't focus on a single word he was saying. you knew he was telling a story, and you could tell it was supposed to be funny based on the way that he was laughing. unfortunately, your mind was too busy being far too aware of the boy you had been thinking about all day now casually sitting just a few feet away.

having caught on to your behavior as well, wooyoung rolled his tongue around in his mouth and tried not to scoff. his eyes darted over to the next table, watching as a certain occupant quickly averted his eyes away as if he were not just staring over at you.

wooyoung couldn't help himself. now he was curious.

he reached a hand over across the table to rest on top of yours, now finally succeeding in grasping your attention. your cheeks were most definitely pink now, but not for the reason others may assume.

you were worried about what soobin would think.

"uh- what? what are you...?" you could only stutter as you questioned his action, not wanting to seem rude if you immediately pulled your hand away.

"i'm just trying to make sure you're listening to me," wooyoung smiled at you, taking a brief glance towards the next door table again.

as expected, soobin was fidgeting in his seat and failing in trying to remain casual. his head was practically rolling back and forth on his neck as he fought to not glare at wooyoung's hand on yours. even his friends had taken notice and were mixed emotions between amused, embarrassed, and disappointed in their crazy friend.

eventually wooyoung pulled his hand away, but now he succeeded in gaining all of your attention - as well as a certain someone else's.

whenever he told you more stories about him and his friends, he'd make you laugh. every time he made you laugh, he also made someone else more upset. although, if wooyoung was being honest, he really just found the situation more amusing.

by the time you all called it a night and were ready to leave the restaurant, the table beside you coincidentally happened to have the same thought. this ended up bestowing a very interesting situation upon you.

"should i take you home now?" wooyoung asked you, a casual hand grazing your arm.

you were about to open your mouth and agree without a problem, but then another hand came up to gently grab your other arm. "hey, do you need a ride home?"

now you were left with a gaping mouth, looking awkwardly between one boy and the other. wooyoung did ask you first, but you also wanted to jump at the opportunity to be with soobin again. you missed him all day and you wanted nothing more than to be alone with him for at least one ride home before the day was over.

"i told wooyoung i'd go with him earlier," you finally spoke, not wanting to break your word from earlier in the night. instead, though, you felt as if you broke your own heart watching soobin's smile drop.

"right. sure, yeah, no problem," soobin tried to act casual, though failing rather miserably.

instead, he was more embarrassed. of course, he should have known you'd choose this guy over him. he clearly had much more to offer you, and, for all soobin knew, he was probably already your boyfriend and just wanted to be alone with you.

before soobin could walk away, you quickly reached for the end of his shirt to keep him still for one more second.

"can i see you tomorrow? for lunch?"

soobin squeezed his lips together to attempt to hide his excitement, his dimples being the dead giveaway at how happy your small request just made him. "of course, i'll see you tomorrow then."

biting your lip to suppress your own joy, you both finally went your separate ways.

soobin headed off with his friends to the bus stop while the rest of your friend group said goodbye and dispersed into separate cabs. you and wooyoung were left on your own once again.

as the two of you were standing around and waiting for another cab to arrive, wooyoung let out a sigh and looked over at you with a soft smile. "you like that soobin guy a lot, huh?"

caught off guard, you found yourself sputtering for a response. you wanted to deny his words, but you also didn't want to lie. you wanted to say yes, but you also didn't want to hurt him.

"it's pretty obvious, i'm sorry," he laughed, now causing you to freeze. your head then spun around to stare wide-eyed at the playfully smirking boy beside you. you had so many questions.

were you really that obvious? could soobin tell? does he think soobin feels the same?!

"if it helps, i think i'm the only one that could tell," wooyoung suddenly wanted to reassure you before you could blurt out any of your questions, laughing at the way it looked like you were practically on the verge of sweating.

your hands came up to cover you face, allowing you to groan into them. "i'm so sorry, wooyoung. it's all still very new to me."

"hey, don't be sorry. we can't help who we like," wooyoung reassured you again, resting a gentle hand atop of your head. "if you hurry now, you should catch up to him before the bus arrives."

your head shot up from your hands in alert, staring at the boy in genuine surprise and confusion. "no- no i couldn't possibly just leave you. i told you earlier-"

"i know you said i could take you home, but i think it's important that you go with someone you actually like," wooyoung interrupted you, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

your emotions were so torn. your heart was pounding at the thought of running to be with soobin, but you also felt terrible at the thought of abandoning wooyoung like this. he deserved so much better, and you wished that you could have been that for him.

"wooyoung...," your words trailed off, still unsure of what decision you should make.

he was giving you the opportunity, and you so desperately wanted to take it, but not at the cost of hurting him.

"hey, stop it, don't worry about me," wooyoung now laughed. his hands had to physically turn you around and begin giving you a gentle shove in the direction that soobin and his friends had walked off to. "just let me know when it works out, okay?"

turning around only to give wooyoung a tight hug, you thanked him one last time before finally taking off after soobin.

you most definitely felt insane, but you didn't care.

you wanted to see soobin.

・❥・

"you know, in retrospect, you don't play hard to get with a girl like that," yeonjun randomly stated while the five of them were waiting, now thinking back to you after he finally saw who you were.

soobin slowly turned his head to glare at the idiot he regretfully called his friend. he couldn't promise that yeonjun would make it back to the dorm alive at this rate.

"in my opinion, she's way out of your league," beomgyu chimed in next, now causing soobin to starting bonking his head against the pole of the bus stop.

he hated them all.

"do you think that guy with her was her boyfriend?" kai asked curiously, now looking at each of them for an answer.

this was the question soobin did not want to hear, and he dreaded even more ever hearing the answer to it.

much to everyone's surprise, though, taehyun was the one to answer. "he's not her boyfriend, but he's definitely into her."

this new turn of conversation piqued all of their interest, most especially soobin's - simply from hearing that he wasn't your boyfriend alone.

"what's your evidence?" yeonjun questioned, being just as drawn into the topic as everyone else.

"well, there was a lack of physical affection on her part," taehyun explained first, thinking back to how nervous and uncomfortable you were just from when he had tried to hold your hand.

even soobin could agree, smirking in pride as he thought how easy and comfortable it was for you to hold his hands.

"also, i would bet that they just met. he kept telling her stories about himself, so they're clearly still getting to know each other."

in this instance, soobin would only have to take taehyun's word for it. he was too busy focusing on how you both were acting with each other to actually hear words that were coming out of his mouth. all he cared about was what you said and when you laughed.

"hey, soobin, is that y/n over there?"

kai's question had soobin sitting up straight, turning his entire body around to indeed spot you walking over all by yourself.

his heart was pounding as he stood up. he always found you beautiful, but seeing you now choosing him? you looked absolutely ethereal.

as soobin went to go meet you, the other four boys collectively agreed to walk a little ways down the street and simply call for a cab. they figured soobin would thank them later when he found out they willingly chose to leave you two alone.

of course, unbeknownst to the lovesick boy, the condition included the four of them eventually coming together to officially meet you soon.

"y/n, what happened? what're you doing here?" soobin asked the second you were close enough.

"oh, wooyoung ... a friend called him about an emergency, so i let him take the cab," you lied, not daring to tell soobin the real reason.

not yet, at least.

if soobin was being honest, though, he didn't quite catch what your reason was. all he cared about was that you were here in front of him. whatever the reason was, you were here with him and no one else.

"you can wait with my friends and ...," when he turned around, soobin trailed off when he realized the bus area was completely empty. "or not."

when the hell did his friends even leave? of course, he then remembered he didn't care.

because now he got to be alone with you.

you both walked back over to the bench, sitting together practically shoulder-to-shoulder and forgetting entirely what personal space was. neither of you were bothered, though, considering you both missed each other so much just from not spending one day together.

"so your friends ditched you, hm?" you questioned, biting back the smile on your face. you couldn't help but to wonder if they happened to leave for any other particular reason..

"they tend to do that to me a lot," soobin chuckled, this being one of very few times where he was actually happy that they did.

"which one was yeonjun?" you asked him curiously, picturing each of the boys that you remembered sitting at the table with him.

"yeonjun was the one with black hair sitting to my right," soobin explained, allowing you to picture them. "kai is the blonde, taehyun is the serious one with brown hair, and beomgyu has the longer hair."

that reminded you that beomgyu must have been the one that you had run into back in the theater. this also allowed you to remember that kai and taehyun must have been the other two that were with him.

"were you and yeonjun there at the theater too?" you asked him next, turning to look up at him.

you noticed soobin's cheeks turn a light shade of pink, but you couldn't be sure as to why. "uh, yeah, we just went to ... to a different movie, so we weren't all together."

you nodded, taking his word for it. there was no reason why he would lie about something so little.

this lead you to start thinking about how crazy fate was. despite the weirdness that was earlier in the day, you and soobin still managed to find your way to each other. you had to bite your lip and turn your entire face away, not wanting soobin to see just how red your face had gotten.

fate??? maybe you were getting a little too ahead of yourself ...

as you were trying to make up an excuse about why you had left work earlier - opting for a simple 'feeling sick' - you then took notice of the bus finally making its way over.

"come on, time to get you home," soobin smiled cutely, his hand casually intertwining with yours.

the butterflies found their way home back in your stomach, and your heart fluttered as if it had wings of its own. it still surprised you just how much soobin affected you, yet he still couldn't see it for himself.

you both settled on the seat at the back of the bus, your hands still intwined together as one.

though neither of you spoke it out loud, you both felt just how perfectly your hands fit together. nothing else felt as right as it did when it was the two of you.

feeling a bit tired now by this late in the evening, you lazily closed your eyes and allowed your head to rest on soobin's shoulder. the day had most definitely been a long one, but all you cared about was that soobin was beside you now.

the trust and comfort he radiated was enough to lull you to sleep, regardless of being in a public setting.

"i missed you, binnie," you mumbled sleepily, cuddling closer to the boy beside you as you allowed the exhaustion to overcome your entire body.

you just barely missed soobin's entire breath leaving his body, and he was genuinely surprised that you couldn't feel his heart beating entirely out of his chest with how close you were to him.

he adored you so much. he wished nothing more than to just be able to confess to you here and now, hoping that you would say yes and be his.

of course, he still knew better. he at least wanted you to be awake when he did tell you. for now, instead, he allowed his own head to rest on your own and squeezed your hand gently.

"i like you so much, y/n," he mumbled on top of your head.

he seriously couldn't wait anymore.

he needed to confess to you. and he needed to do it soon.

previous | masterlist | next

a/n:

AHHH I MISS WRITING FLUFF WITH SOOBIN AND Y/N !!

i'm sorry this update took a bit longer, and it's not really that great either, but it's my fault !! i celebrated my birthday this past weekend and i kept writing bits and pieces sporadically, so the flow isn't very consistent because i couldn't keep my ideas together. i promise the next part will be much better <3 pls don't be too disappointed !!

but anywayyyy i hope you all still enjoy what i have so far and look forward to more fluff coming soon :,) <3 i missed fluff so much

~

taglist:

@sha-aesthic @wccycc @yjusei @ihrtgyu @strawberrydaichi @seodami @sparkswhoz @o934pm @dongmeiii @cannedturtle @intrrverted @fanfangying1304 @n0tprettybutt1red @human-misery @baekberrie

[ bold = couldn't be tagged :( ]

#tomorrow x together #tomorrow x together imagines #tomorrow x together imagine #txt #txt imagine #txt imagines #txt fluff #choi soobin #choi soobin x reader #soobin #soobin x reader #soobin imagines #choi soobin imagines #soobin fluff

[constantineshots]

I'm kind of confused on John Constantine's characterisation. But, to be fair, I did come across him in the dp x dc crossovers, so...*shrug*

It's just that he ranges from the most pathetic, self-centered but also accidentally altruistic smoking asshole who couldn't care less if you burned alive to a soft-hearted tsundere who wants to help but lets nobody see that and tries to be an asshole to drive them away.

Also the thing about him backstabbing everyone he spends more than five minutes with, but still being on the JL's speed dial???? And everyone says he's an asshole who's more trouble than he's worth but they still turn to him for help?

If you have the time, could you please clear that up a bit? What is he like in the comics? The good ones I mean.

Thank you and have a nice day.

hello! sorry this took me a minute- had a lot to say. its a long post SORRY

buti think the simplest way to describe it is that in regards to the dc x dp crossover, they focus more on the dc universe's john constantine- which is the mainstream universe, with big shots like superman and batman and all of the things that make him, for the most part, seem like he's the best in magic and this man who is on, as you put it, the justice league's speed dial. he's the butt of most jokes, he never actually shows his bisexuality in a healthy manner because he's more likely to be joking about it than actually being in a relationship with a man (his usual love interest is zatanna, and ofc, bisexual people are allowed to date someone of the same gender, but what annoys me is that they are willing to joke about his bisexuality without showing him actually dating these men that he jokes about).

however, vertigo comics (which is dc's black label: comics like hellblazer (john's line), lucifer, the sandman, etc. reside because the topics they touch are for mature audiences- and not just because lucifer's naked 90% of his comic run) is where we get john constantine. in hellblazer, he starts off as a terrified man who's willing to do anything to survive- and, honestly, i'd say that's still the case throughout the series. he seems more real. more possible. more like someone i can connect to.

all the magic he's learned isn't this "inner power" that we see in characters like zatanna (love her, no shade to her) who was taught her magic by her father and has been around it her whole life, or characters like the enchantress. he picked up some books and started digging through them and learning to regain some semblance of control of his life because of his abusive family and just overall not being the most popular kid.

a lot of john's character stems from trauma- his family life, newcastle, most of his relationships with other people, the things he does in general, being in ravenscar, etc.

i said something a while back that i think still stands to this day- he's not a hero because he'll do anything to save his friends or himself, but overall, he comes first. to put it in perspective, there are times he knows things are dangerous, and yet he still asks for favors. also, this guy was dying of lung cancer (yknow. because he was smoking as much as he was) and he didn’t stop smoking, of course. no, he basically pulled this huge con on a bunch of higher people in hell and was like “well now if i die, a whole war starts” so they? made sure he would live. that’s the kind of shit john does. he’s a con artist.

while john doesn't like to sit on his feelings too long, he does care- he just doesn't like showing it. he shoves people away when they get too close, and when someone hurts him- for example, kit moving back to belfast and essentially breaking up with him because of the fact people attacked her to try and get to him, john was horrible. he was cruel. he called her cold, which he knew would hurt her. then, he went into an immediate depression and was homeless for,,, what, a year? because he blamed himself for so much shit and kit was just what made him keel over.

on top of that, john is pretty political. his whole character is- he talks about climate change, he talks about racism, he’s aware of his privilege, and in one of the more recent runs of hellblazer, he shows that too. shame that one wasn’t very long- would’ve liked more of it. however, his dc run doesn’t show any of that. it’s like they’re showing john but without getting into the gritty parts of him that make him him. it’s like they’re scratching the surface and won’t just take the metaphorical shovel and slam it into him. which sucks- i like the idea of him being around the other characters, somewhat, but i don’t want him to be the go to guy when it comes to dc comics’ magical people. he certainly isn’t that. they have those- they’ve got dr. fate and zatanna right on the league, why do they need john?

his character in vertigo is definitely not a hero, and dc wants him to be that. they want him to be the magic guy they have on speed dial. they want him to be the sexy guy with a cigarette in his mouth flirting with everyone in sight. they don’t want to delve into the darker territory because it’s going to scare people away, and the ones that are scared away probably shouldn’t be interacting with his character in the first place.

honestly, i’m probably missing a lot, but this is getting to be storybook length as it is, so sorry for my little tangent but i hope this helps!

#john constantine #asks #this is so long i apologize

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E10 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/location cheat sheet

Lady Ah-Duo - Pure Consort, one of 4 top concubines

Garnet Pavilion - Lady Ah-Duo's residence

Fengming - Head LIW at Garnet Pavilion

Xiaolan - Maomao's servant friend

Lady Lishu - child bride concubine

Lady Lihua - the consort who was poisoned by powder

Jade Pavilion - Lady Gyokuyou's residence

Luomen - Maomao's physician father

Sir Kounen - Jinshi's older acquaintance who died

This episode fought me hard. Like, I struggled a lot with it. I'm more lost than I've ever been in this show. And forewarning, much of this episode's blog is me spinning wild theories, since I couldn't actually figure out what is happening.

And full disclosure, I had to watch this episode twice. I watched it once while I was tired, and could not figure out a lot of it. So I slept on it, let the mysteries roll around my head all day, and then watched it again and I'm still confused about many things! But I had some insights about a couple things, and added some more notes to my initial watch responses. Enjoy!

Cryptic opening. A person sits drinking alone on what appears to be the walls of the palace.

Palace gossip! The girl who drowned used to serve at the Garnet Pavilion. Word has it that she's the one who poisoned Lady Lishu's food. Could she have done it because Lady Ah-Duo is at risk of losing her place as one of the top consorts to a younger concubine?

At age 35, Lady Ah-Duo is so, so old. She's practically geriatric. Way too old to be a favored consort, even if she has been married to the emperor since he was the crown prince, and bore him a child that died.

And the math is funny when you have to consider child brides, but there is a possibility that if that infant that she bore had in fact not died, that they would be a young adult right about now. Right around the age of Jinshi a lot of young men in the palace. This possibility isn't my leading theory, since the show has already implied that Jinshi is the emperor's brother, but it's a good back up. For what it's worth, Lady Ah-Duo has the right coloring and look to be related to Jinshi. Also, I have no idea how old Jinshi actually is, but Gaoshun keeps referring to him as a young person, so I'm guessing young 20s or late teens. Which means there is an age gap between him and his brother the emperor who we now know is 34.

I'm starting to notice a motif. Maomao describes the Rear Palace as a garden, and the concubines as flowers. I remember her talking to Lady Lihua about how one could not compare a peony to a bellflower. And now she says:

Even the most beautiful flowers wilt eventually. And those unable to bear fruit no longer serve a purpose.

The ladies of the Jade Pavilion prepare and host a tea party for Lady Lishu, which is fraught with politics. The party is attended by Lady Lishu's food taster, who is terrified of Maomao after the events of the Garden Party. But even so, it seems Lady Lishu is still being bullied by her ladies.

Of note: Maomao is dressed up for the party, and doesn't have her freckles on.

The ladies of the Jade Pavilion won't let Maomao help clean up and they toss her out into the hall claiming she needs to rest, but they may have ulterior motives, because a certain palace manager is waiting for Maomao there.

Jinshi wants to know about the tea party, and Maomao realizes that he may have had a hand in organizing this event. I assume he wanted Maomao to observe Lady Lishu with her ladies in waiting to determine if the bullying is still happening, which is a noble intention. Why he does these things without simply asking Maomao to help, I don't know. She doesn't appreciate being maneuvered, and her natural curiosity and desire to help usually get her involved anyway, so there really isn't a good reason for him to continue operating this way. But things have been weird since Maomao became despondent after the servant girl drowned. He's retreated to old behaviors, which include manipulating Maomao. And the mask of the enigmatic palace manager is back. He's all sparkles again.

Maomao tries to brush him off.

Jinshi: I am far from being done with you.

Understatement.

Maomao: Funny, I'm more than done with you.

A lie.

But she may be done with him in this moment. When he's sparkling, he's manipulating, and she knows it.

They are bantering as they always do, but this isn't honest or fun. And he's put his hand on her shoulder. She has asked him before not to do that. She slaps it off as she did last time. Nothing has changed. What she said before is still true. His status makes anything between them impossible, and he shouldn't be touching her.

His tone immediately changes, signaling his sincerity as he wants to talk about the servant girl who died. He's not convinced that it was a suicide. He's heard Maomao's thoughts on this before, and he believes her. He also doesn't want to give up on finding the truth and getting justice for that girl. And... I just love that.

We see Jinshi through Maomao's distorted lens so often, that it can be hard to see that he has heroic qualities. When we first met him, he seemed to be almost an antagonist to Maomao. He was using her in his machinations, trying to seduce her to more firmly control her, and keeping information from her. But his role in this story, is not that of an antagonist, he's the love interest, and he's got to be worthy of the hero. As we've moved through the story we've caught glimpses of his better nature, and we can read between the lines to see what his motivations and actions have been. He's got some growth yet to do, no doubt, but fundamentally, he's a good person. And here, with his pursuit of justice for the murdered servant girl, we get a good example of him becoming a hero in his own right.

This also demonstrates the impact Maomao has had on Jinshi. I do believe he cared about justice before Maomao arrived in his life, and I think he would have pursued this case regardless, but this case in particular has extra meaning to Jinshi, because of Maomao.

The woman who died is a servant girl, just like Maomao. Someone targeted this woman and murdered her, because she was expendable.

Maomao: I am but a lowly commoner. My life is easily taken away over the slightest error. [From episode 9]

And that is unacceptable to Jinshi.

He saw a despondent Maomao, and listened to what she had to say, and in the moment he had no idea what to do. And he still might not know what to say to Maomao, but he does know that servant girls don't deserve to die when they become an inconvenience to someone in power.

And servant girls shouldn't have to live in the palace feeling like their lives are expendable.

Maomao: We wander through life, never knowing when it's our time. That's fate. There's no way of resisting it. [From episode 9]

No. Not okay. Not to Jinshi.

He might not be able to escape the obligations of his station or be able to take off the mask he needs to wear, but he can at least use his power for this.

He saw Maomao at her darkest moment to date, and it threw him. He has pulled back a bit but as he said he's far from being done with her. Jinshi never gives up on Maomao. Big male lead energy.

And so Jinshi asks for Maomao's thoughts, as he always does. He always wants to know her thoughts, her conjectures, and he believes her. As he did with the drowned servant girl. Now he wants to know if she thinks the servant girl could have done what it's being said she did. He's not sure himself, but he trusts that Maomao will have some insight. Just as Jinshi's support and encouragement helps Maomao to solve mysteries, Maomao's careful analysis and even unfounded conjectures, help Jinshi make sense of the cases he's call upon to handle. They work better when they work together.

Jinshi has heard her thoughts about the servant girls death before, but he has to ask again:

Jinshi: Do you think she really committed suicide? Maomao: I've already told you that's not for me to determine.

And if Jinshi is back to masks, and sparkles, then Maomao is back to conjectures shouldn't be spoken out loud and "a mere lady-in-waiting wouldn't know."

Jinshi: She was a common servant girl. What reason would she have for attempting to poison Concubine Lishu? Maomao: I don't know.

The walls are up. The communication is down. Jinshi makes a frustrated sound. He tried asking her earnestly, and it got him nowhere. If Maomao is going to retreat to old behavior, so will he. It's time to ✨sparkle.✨

Jinshi will get to the bottom of this case goddamnit, even if he has to maneuver Maomao to do it. She's been sent to the Garnet Pavilion to help out get answers. She acts like she's upset at being sent, but don't listen to her. She wants to solve this case as much as Jinshi does.

That's... a hell of an intro for Lady Ah-Duo. She's going to be someone important isn't she? See wild theory above.

Caught it on the second watch, but the person on the wall was Lady Ah Duo. Her guan and hair style are the same, and when Maomao pictures her riding a horse, it's the same outfit at in the beginning.

Which begs the question, what was she doing sitting up on the rooftop drinking and staring at the stars?

Lady Ah-Duo is getting the kind of starstruck reaction usually reserved for Jinshi. And Maomao is wondering who Lady Ah-Duo reminds her of. Don't tell me my off-the-wall theory was correct? Shit, I'll have to rework all my other theories if that's true...

Everything at the Garnet Pavilion seems... nice. The servants work hard, and the head lady in waiting is kind, and approachable, different from what we've seen before with Lady Lihua's and Lady Lishu's servants. Maomao isn't sure what to do. She didn't get any specific instructions from Jinshi, and she's not sure where or what to look for. She's considering all of the angles though. In fact those thoughts are keeping her up at night. A servant girl who used to live and work in that very pavilion, was murdered. And someone did try to poison Lady Lishu. Maomao knows there must be a clue somewhere. It's driving her crazy.

This show just casually drops in commentary about the role of women in society.

She's (Fengming) well past her prime, but in another life, she would have made a great wife. I wonder if she ever considered marriage? Or if she chose to serve Concubine Ah-Duo for life?

I wonder if Maomao considers this her fate as well. Will she ever consider marriage? Will she choose to serve Concubine Gyokuyou for life? Do servants even get a choice? Do their desires matter at all? What about the concubines? Do they get a choice? Do their desires matter at all?

Lady Lishu shows up to the Garnet Pavilion acting weird as hell. Looking all around like she doesn't want to be seen. And she only has her one food taster with her. Strange for someone who may have been the target of an assassination attempt from the Garnet Pavilion.

Something about this doesn't add up. Why is she hiding her visit? Is she hiding from her own ladies? Is that why she only brought the one? Or is she avoiding someone else and didn't want a large retinue that would make her more noticeable. And why visit the Garnet Pavilion? What is the connection? She had the weird reaction to honey at the tea party she attended at the Jade Pavilion. Does this have something to do with honey? I really don't know. Maybe there will be some clues later on.

When she's done Maomao reports back to Jinshi, who... is acting very strangely. I think he's trying to seduce Maomao again. But, why use methods he knows will fail? Just what the hell is going on here?!

Maomao: And what's with his casual attitude recently?

Maomao thinks it's weird too.

He starts by lounging suggestively across the couch. Maomao finishes her report of the facts, and Jinshi asks her to go on... and I think I've figured out what he's up to. She's still holding back, not willing to share her thoughts and theories with him. He's pushing her. He tried talking it out before, and it didn't work, so this is plan B.

He pushes her with a pointed question, and that works! She tells him the facts she knows, her reasoning, and her opinions. Gaoshun and Jinshi share a look. Everything Maomao said aligns with what they already thought about Fengming.

The honey. Does the fact that Jinshi brought it mean anything?

Maomao: Given the way he's lapping up that honey, he must have already suspected her (Fengming).

I actually don't know how she gets to that leap of logic. Does she think he went to request a pot of honey from Garnet Pavilion to investigate himself? Maybe he or Gaoshun really did do that. Maybe that is how Gaoshun discovered that Fengming has a bandaged arm. I don't know.

What does he already know, before Maomao even gives her report? We know he knew about the bandage on Fengming's arm, but didn't tell Maomao about it. She noticed it and figured out it's significance on her own. She realizes that he already knew everything that she reported. So why bother to ask her?

My theory is that he's not sure, but he trusts Maomao's judgement and wanted to hear it from her to confirm his own thoughts, or see if she had any additional insights. Maybe to see if she can tie in any of the other mysteries. Or maybe he is seeing if she is a good spy. Perhaps he will use her this way again in the future, since she performed so well.

For what it's worth, I think he would like to be able to ask her opinion and have it freely given. And they may reach a day where he can simply consult with her, without her pulling away. But that day is not today.

There are also the mysteries of who tried to poison Lady Lishu, and why the servant girl that worked at the Garnet Pavilion was murdered. I think both Jinshi and Maomao would like to know if any of those things are connected.

Jinshi then does something so deeply weird... it's... he.... he tries to put his fingers In. Her. Mouth.

He offers her a pot of honey. An expensive luxury, with medicinal properties. It's something she probably would be willing to accept. However:

✨Jinshi✨: This is for you. Good girls should be rewarded.

She declines, completely freaked out. So he dips his fingers in the honey and corners her. What the absolute fuck Jinshi?!

Maomao: Offer it to someone who wants your fingers in their mouth!

Back the hell off with your honeyed words and your honeyed fingers!

Jinshi: Don't be so modest.

Is he doing this because she smacked his hand off of her shoulder earlier?

Maomao yells for help from Gaoshun, who pretends he can neither see nor hear what is happening. Holy hell. Don't these guys remember her story about nearly being assaulted? What the hell does Jinshi hope to achieve here?

Maomao is pissed at Jinshi, unnerved, and uncomfortable, but she's not triggered into having a trauma response. I think she must know that Jinshi would not force her. Even with the honey, I think he would stop shy of forcing his fingers into her mouth. I think, he thinks he is teasing her (it's harassment as Lady Gyokuyou says when she comes in). Maomao considers fighting. She considers submitting. She considers fleeing, but before she can decide what to do, she has an insight, which is what finally stops Jinshi.

Maomao has a moment where she thinks through some earlier events, like Lady Lishu not wanting to eat honey, and having had an allergic reaction to fish. She draws a connection that Lady Lishu may also be allergic to honey. Then she thinks about the servant girl who was drowned, about Lady Ah Duo, the servants, and Lady Lishu acting shady. And... I'm not sure what connection they have to honey, but I'm glad Maomao was able to connect all of the events. I knew she could do it, even if I can't!

My hero, Lady Gyokuyou walks in and Jinshi is caught honey red handed. And he runs away, like the guilty asshole that he is. Did I say he had heroic qualities earlier? I take it all back.

Gaoshun calls Maomao "Xiaomao" and tries to make excuses for Jinshi, calling this a prank that went to far. And barf. Fuck that excuse. And boy do I think there is some commentary happening here about sexual harassment and rape culture, but I won't digress into it.

Maomao: Since it was nothing but harmless fun, next time you can do the licking for me?

So, what is the point of this scene?

I've thought about it, and I'm swinging in the dark, but I think Jinshi is acting bizarrely because he is getting desperate. We've seen him slowly unraveling for awhile now, as he struggles between craving authenticity, and living up to the expectations of his status. To be clear, what he did is way across the line. It's certainly across the line in Maomao's eyes. It's also crossing the lines of propriety which is why Gaoshun pretends not to see, and why Lady Gyokuyou reacts so strongly when she sees it. But I think Jinshi has even crossed a line of his own that he normally wouldn't. So what would compel this usually composed and calculating man to behave in such an unhinged way?

Well I think it comes down to a few key events that happened recently.

Maomao left.

Jinshi has gotten rather used to having Maomao around. Being able to call upon her whenever he wants to take advantage of her incredible mind and unmatched skills. Or if he just wants to tease her or banter with her. She's the one who sees him. The one who makes him feel like he's a person, and not like he's just filling a role. So when he shows up and she's just... gone. Well. Jinshi did not like it.

He thought he lost her to another man.

Not only was she gone. She was gone with another man! Hadn't Jinshi been clear enough when he gave her a hair pin? How can she prefer Lihaku?! Also, doesn't she shrink away or cringe whenever Jinshi tries to touch her? How could she allow herself to be with Lihaku?! It turned out she wasn't physical with Lihaku, but for a moment there he saw what could happen. Jinshi did not like it.

Maomao's despair

That the machinations of the palace could tangle Maomao and get her killed, and that Jinshi would be powerless to stop it, well... This is intolerable to Jinshi.

Mix these feelings of loneliness, jealousy, and desperation and we get a Jinshi that is irrational. We've usually seen Jinshi in control of himself and everyone else around him. He's the mastermind, who knows how to move the pieces around the board to produce the outcome that he wants. And if he feels some way about what's going on around him or inside him, we usually have to guess, because he doesn't have anyone that he can talk to about it. So to now see him behave without thought, or reason, just from a place of desperation, of wanting to connect with Maomao, who just won't let him in, no matter what he does. Well, it's really weird, and inexcusable, but also kind of sad.

Whatever the case may be, Maomao uses this opportunity to ask Gaoshun for a favor. She's put the pieces together and now she needs evidence. Gaoshun accompanies her to visit Lady Lishu. His presence implies that the visit is sanctioned by Jinshi, which it is not. Maomao feels he owes her this one.

She wants to ask Lady Lishu about honey. Things are starting to come together for Maomao but I'm lost. I haven't figured out how exactly the conspiracy works yet, or what connection Lady Lishu has with the Garnet Pavilion. In any case, Lady Lishu had a dangerous reaction to honey as an infant and was told to never again eat it. And when Maomao asks about Fengming, Lady Lishu looks downright terrified. I'm also remembering that Lady Lishu was the child bride of the former emperor, and was mother-in-law to Lady Ah-Duo. That little tidbit probably wasn't dropped into this story for no reason. Just what is the connection between Lady Lishu, Lady Ah-Duo, and Fengming? Whatever Maomao suspected she didn't share it and now I'm starting to understand how Jinshi feels because I also want to force her to tell me what she thinks!

Gaoshun may not be a fan of JinMao but he is becoming quite a fan of "Xiaomao." He's giving her cutesy names and doing her favors with no reward. He has seen the way her brilliant mind works, her passion for protecting the powerless, her composure under pressure, and her superior competencies. She's earned his respect. When she asks, he searches through the court library, without question.

Wait a god damn minute. Honey. Lady Ah Duo's child appeared dead because they gave him honey. Of course they did, they have honey in abundance at the Garnet Pavilion. Then when the doctor was called he... took him out of the palace to safety? No that doesn't sound right. If the baby were a girl I would say yes, and that the baby was Maomao. But if that were true and we assumed that the emperor was her father, and we assume that Jinshi is the emperor's brother, than that would make Jinshi Maomao's uncle. Lol! Perfect. Absolutely perfect. But I don't think that's right.

So I've thought some more and I'm reminded that someone said the Emperor and Lady Ah Duo were foster siblings. I'd like to know more about that scenario, but regardless, I wonder if they truly saw themselves more like siblings than as spouses. I wonder if they didn't have physical relations at all. It would explain why they never had another baby in the many years they have been married. But then how did Lady Ah Duo end up pregnant you may ask. Well, there are not a lot of named male characters in this show that could fit the bill, so with my limited information, and a shot in the dark, I'm going to guess Sir Kounen. He was around in the palace with access to the imperial family, which we know because he had an impact on young Jinshi. Was he friends with the Emperor and Lady Ah Duo? Did Lady Ah Duo used to ride horses with him, then sit under the stars? Was that why she was drinking while stargazing at the top of the episode? Was she toasting to her past lover? I don't know. I don't really have any evidence at all.

So then what is with Fengming burning secret communication sticks? Well, if we consider that Lady Ah-Duo sneaks out to go horseback riding or meet up with her fellow who isn't the emperor, then maybe those communication sticks are for setting up secret rendezvous.

When Maomao was figuring out the connection of honey to every as yet unsolved mystery, she thought about how honey can nearly kill an infant, she thought about the servant girl who was murdered, and of Lady Ah-Duo, and if Jinshi is that baby, and honey was used to feint his death, then maybe the reason the servant was killed, was because she found out that the baby that was born was not the emperor's, or maybe that the baby lived. Or maybe she found out about Lady Au Duo having an affair, or maybe she saw Fengming using the secret communication sticks. Hmmm, could be a lot of things. There are a lot of secrets to keep in the Garnet Pavilion.

But how does Lady Lishu tie in? Am I way off here?

So I guess I'm now leaning towards Lady Ah-Duo's baby being Jinshi. Was Sir Kounen actually his father? And that would make Jinshi 17. He seems older to me. With all of his responsibilities, that makes me very sad to think he's so young.

There were two baby boys born around the same time, the baby of the emperor and the baby of the crown prince. Was there a baby swap in the palace? Did the emperor's child die? And they replaced that child with the Lady Ah-Duo's baby? Therefor removing Lady Ah-Duo's baby from the line of succession, since the child is a bastard and isn't actually of the imperial bloodline. That would kind of fit with how Jinshi is treated.

But you may ask, if Jinshi were Lady Ah Duo's baby and honey almost killed him at an infant, how can he sit around lapping it up now as an adult? Well, babies' deadly reaction to honey isn't due to an allergy, it's a rare infection. So even if you have a reaction as a baby, that doesn't mean you can't eat it as an adult. Will this be relevant later? Is that why the storytellers made such a spectacle of the honey scene? So we would remember it later?

Also, Maomao thinks it strange that the current emperor only had one concubine while he was still crown prince. That's even stranger if that one concubine was his foster sister whom he didn't have a physical relationship with. Did he also have a secret lover on the side? In the annex maybe? Perhaps someone that it wasn't appropriate to make into an official concubine? Perhaps Maomao's mother? Do we even know any characters that could fit this role? Fengming, maybe? The emperor comes to visit Lady Ah Duo, but he's actually there to see her head lady in waiting? Is Fengming actually using the communication sticks to set up a rendezvous for herself with the emperor? Did the lady in waiting find out, and the emperor's people had her killed? But Fengming is quite a bit older than the emperor so that's probably not it either.

Ahhhhgggg! This episode is too confusing! I give up! I want to threaten Maomao with some honeyed fingers and make her tell me what's going on!

I am really sorry to the people who read all of this. I have nothing good to offer you this episode. Just a ton of really wild, conjectures. Maybe I should take Luomen's advice and keep some of those to myself. Or maybe put them to use in writing a fanfic. lol.

If you want to start this blog series at the beginning:

Episode 1

Next episode:

Episode 11

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #maomao #jinshi #jinmao

[a-120]

Took a break bc I had a short lived panic attack and calmed myself down so it wouldn't worsen but I'm back with a message for Ivorii

THIS IS REALLY LONG

Leave me the fuck alone. I don't understand why targeting me and thinking you can just apologise is something you can do. I'm literally scared of you after you targeted me. Just so you know, I BARELY GET SCARED OF PEOPLE!!!

And the fact that you are the reason that I'm hurting myself is a fact that I REALLY need you to know. You KNOW I was suicidal at one point, YOU KNOW YOU MOTHERFUCKER.

Getting that message was why I had a panic attack. AND I WILL FUCKING LEAK IT. HERE YOU GO

Tldr is at the bottom

Ivorii:

Okay, look. I fucked up, I know I did. I lied, and I was, so wrong for it. But, about my heart problems, they are hereditary, but my heart problems are not like yours, I didn't have to get cut open. It wasn't an open heart surgery like yours, it was originally going to be put in from my wrist/groin area, but it was changed to my esophagus area due to it being more "uphill". I know I caused you hell and that I probably scared the living shit out of you.

It wasn't right of me, at all. I feel bad about it everyday. I shouldn't have lied either, and I don't wish harm against anyone. I never did and I never will. I was a bad influence and a bad person, but I'm working to change. I know messing with any of you guys was the worst thing I could've done, and I feel so bad about it! If I had a second chance to go back and undo it, I would. I promise that I'm not a bad person, or a liar. I just didn't to get the attention I wanted, and I very immature when did it. I have remorse for everyone I hurt, and this isn't the first time I hurt someone(s) like this. But I have bigger apology to give out to you guys [Kris, Izzy, Candied] because you guys are minors, and you look up to those older than you, and I was the complete opposite. I probably know you won't see this and that you'll never trust me again, and it's understandable. I wouldn't trust myself either, but I'm working on being better, and trying to change. It's lonely without you guys, and I hate it. I hate every moment of it, and I hate that I did what I did. I hate not being there when you guys joke, or to celebrate holidays. I really want a second chance, only if you'll allow it. I'm so sorry for making you hurt, I'm really am a better person than this, I swear! I can try again, only if you'll let me. I acknowledge my wrong-doing, like an adult. I'm turning 20 this year and I'm acting like it. Just please don't tell Warden or the others that I'm here! I'm still very scared of them, and when I'm ready, I'll talk to them, but I just needed you to know.

I'm not a person, and I'll never make a foolish mistake like this again. Also, to clarify about my heart problems, but also apologize while I'm at it. I hurt you, and I never want you to feel a pain like that again. Just know I regret everything. I swear. You don't have to respond, I just needed to get that off of my shoulders, and hopefully off of yours too.

My response:

You targeted a minor, someone who just got tumblr a few months ago, and pretended to be someone else. I wanted to stay as far away from this stituation as far I possibly could but you pulled me into it. I'm actually fucking terrified of you now. You broke everyone's trust and ruined your reputation. You have caused me to hurt myself because I wanted a distraction from this and wanted to deal with a different type of pain. Targeting minors because you'd think they are more naive or whatever the fuck went through your rotting brain is downright wrong and its manipulation. Leave tumblr and never come back. Fuck you.

--------------

Taking it apart to respond better:

Okay, look. I fucked up, I know I did. I lied, and I was, so wrong for it.

You're damn right. You fucked up big time, and everybody knows that.

I know I caused you hell and that I probably scared the living shit out of you.

Yes, you really did. You scared me so bad I'm properly scared of you as a person.

It wasn't right of me, at all. I feel bad about it everyday. I shouldn't have lied either, and I don't wish harm against anyone.

Then why did you do this? Oh, right, ATTENTION.

I know messing with any of you guys was the worst thing I could've done, and I feel so bad about it!

Think before you act, fucker.

I promise that I'm not a bad person, or a liar. I just didn't to get the attention I wanted, and I very immature when did it.

Hard to believe you're turning 20.

But I have bigger apology to give out to you guys [Kris, Izzy, Candied] because you guys are minors, and you look up to those older than you, and I was the complete opposite.

You targeted minors. Think about that and get it through your thick ass skull.

I probably know you won't see this and that you'll never trust me again, and it's understandable. I wouldn't trust myself either, but I'm working on being better, and trying to change. It's lonely without you guys, and I hate it.

Yeah, I don't trust you at all anymore. Nobody does. And you're gonna have to deal with being lonely because of that.

I really want a second chance, only if you'll allow it. I'm so sorry for making you hurt, I'm really am a better person than this, I swear! I can try again, only if you'll let me. I acknowledge my wrong-doing, like an adult. I'm turning 20 this year and I'm acting like it.

Who is gonna give you a second chance? Are you really a better person? You act like a fucking 6 year old with your shitty lies and the fact that you constantly return and try to reconnect when we clearly don't want you around.

Just please don't tell Warden or the others that I'm here! I'm still very scared of them, and when I'm ready, I'll talk to them, but I just needed you to know.

WHAT THE FUCK?! DONT TELL THE PEOPLE WHO I ACTUALLY TRUST AND ARE ABLE TO HANDLE THIS BETTER THAN ME??? YOU SHOULD BE SCARED OF THEM BECAUSE EVERY TIME YOU RETURN THEY KNOW OR I WILL TELL THEM BECAUSE NOBODY, AND I REPEAT, NOBODY, WANTS YOU HERE YOU SICK FUCK!

I'm not a person, and I'll never make a foolish mistake like this again. Also, to clarify about my heart problems, but also apologize while I'm at it. I hurt you, and I never want you to feel a pain like that again. Just know I regret everything. I swear. You don't have to respond, I just needed to get that off of my shoulders, and hopefully off of yours too.

"I'm not a person" this typo is fucking hilarious. You didn't clarify anything about your heart problems in this last paragraph. You hurt everyone. This made the weight on my shoulders worse.

Sorry, the tldr was still really long ;-;

#tw//ivory ment

[cyber-corp]

Gecko Boy's Homestuck Thought-Dump: Act 4

I will periodically edit more as I progress.

Let's start nice and-

Oh. Oh no. Is this a troll? Is this what everyone obsessed over in the early 2010's? This terrifies me.

Anyway, Act 4's artstyle seems to be getting a lot more complex, which is always a nice change of pace from the standard black, white and grey housing.

Also the parcel mistress and Peregrine are literally the same person. This is an absolute fact.

This is unnecessarily funny. Bravo Vince.

The way GC types (and talks about smelling text) gives me undeniable dread. The way they talk about seeing Rose in the future gives undeniable dread. What do they know? Why do they want to help so badly?

Also apparently she's blind. Cool.

Rose is currently sitting in some weird rainbow oil land, while an entity in running-writing speaks to her. Hussie is really kicking up the palette now.

I cannot believe that John Egg Bert hates the blind. Unbelievable.

EB: do you have a braille screen or something?

And here we are. The trolls. Possibly the most iconic part of Homestuck itself. I think they're supposed to be opposites to the main pack (top-left is Dave, top-right is Rose, bottom-left is Jade and agitated guy is John).

John is getting help from GC, the bottom-left one, who apparently isn't supposed to helping, due to knowing John's future already and screwing with his timeline (canon event joke goes here).

Oh look! They are the same! Wonder what that means for Jack Noir and Spades Slick then...

EB: i'm in a rocket pack and i am about to blast off into space. TG: ok

This is exactly how I'd expect to a 13-year-old to react. Very realistic writing.

John then blasts off into the seventh gate, with sweet Casey in custody.

Meanwhile, we get a glimpse of future? Dave busting some shit up. There's also some big artstyle changes as well! Kinda reminds me of something you'd see on ABC3 late at night.

Like look how sick and sleek this looks. Also Dave's got new drip.

He talks to Rose about how John and Jade fucking died (John got trolled, Jade got hit by the meteor) and how he's going to go back in time to fix it. However, this in turn will stop Rose's current timeline from existing, so she's going to the dreamworld to avoid being wiped.

Future Dave goes back in time to Past Dave, pesters John about it, and then fucking REPLACES THE BIRD, thereby BECOMING the sprite.

Look at this screenshot. What the actual fuck.

#peregrine mendicant #john egbert #homestuck #gecko boy #EGG! #dave strider #rose lalonde #thought dump

[myuntoldstory]

🧠 (sirius!!! and james pls). 🤩✅🤯 YAY

hello!!! also comprehensive! thanks very much for these :D

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

sirius has a scar on his chin from when james punched him hard after his poorly thought-out stunt with snape. it's small, barely there, and he can get rid of it with magic, but he keeps it there as a reminder of what he had almost done. he's let his hatred for snape and desire for retribution cloud the very real and terrifying fact that he had almost exposed his friend, his brother.

at some point, james decided to actually try forgetting about lily and started dating someone by the name of charlotte fairchild (any story i've written where james is in a previous relationship, it's always with the same character. she's not even canon, i don't think) but that proved to be unsuccessful (at this point either charlottes honestly tells him it's futile effort or charlotte ends up becoming a backstabbing girl and betray him).

(i also have like a thing of unrequited love so hence this particular headcanon)

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

sirius just because i love him lmao. he's my bias sdlflksdjflksdj but he's also one interesting character to explore, like, being morally grey, and being complex, and always having this shadow of evil always lurking behind him even though he's obviously a good person and was trying his best to be a good person. sometimes that evil wins, like when he was bullying snape in hogwarts, but he makes sure that good wins. gosh i hope i made sense.

okay but also, this is going to sound strange, the lesser known characters are also fun to write. so like benjy fenwick, for example. it's more of the possibilities of what i can turn them into that makes it fun. i mean yeah they have established fanon traits, but it's always fun to explore how i see them specifically as characters? so like, for instance, for me benjy fenwick's the golden boy of hufflepuff, like the cedric diggory before cedric lol.

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

characters ending their dialogue with "yeah" lmaooo.

i try not to, it starts making everyone sound the same, but i can't help it. it's gotten to the point where i do it too now, in real life lol.

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

COMEDY. COMEDY because like... my humour, whilst super unhinged and broken and utterly disgusting (not that that's a good thing. i don't even know why i framed it as a good thing dsklfjsldk im sorry), is not something i can translate well in writing. like, i have humour, but it's too beyond comprehensible to use and write into a story.

and this goes with any kind of comedic writing. so comedic scenes, jokes, clever pranks, quips, puns... any kind of comedic writing at all.

that's not to say i won't try, but i'll probably limit it to a paragraph or something.

horror is a close second in terms of... scares, if that makes sense. i feel like i can do the atmosphere enough, cause i'm good at over-describing, but when it comes to the scares itself i can't. i'm too marshmallow and potato for that.

#replies #fanfic writer emoji ask

[kxllingangels]

Babydoll- H.S.

A/N- Hi! Here's part 2. Full disclosure, I didn't intend to write multiple parts to this story but then I got too invested to stop, lmao. So I wrote two more "chapters" as well as made a little fanfic cover.

2

My heart was hammering in my chest as I stared blankly at the box. Reading and re-reading the messy cursive on its smooth face. I knew that writing like the back of my hand. It was on countless greeting cards in the back of my closet. It was on the apartment lease. It was on the note on my nightstand, reminding me how pathetic I was.

Harry. 

"Rory," Maren's voice snapped me back to reality. I glanced up at the girl, noticing that she was a few steps away from me now. Her brows were furrowed in concern, her eyes moving from the box to me and then back again. "What is it? You look like you've seen a ghost."

I wanted to tell her that I wished it was that. Seeing an actual ghost would've terrified me way fucking less than holding a fragmented piece of my past. But I couldn't. 

I swallowed hard, nodding my head and uttering out, "I'm fine." 

I knew my unsteady voice was a dead giveaway that I was in fact, not fine, but I couldn't bring myself to add something more convincing. My eyes just kept scanning the handwritten note.

'You're still my muse.'

Maren peered over my shoulder now, looking down at the looping handwriting. "You're someone's muse and you're reacting like that?" She asked incredulously. "It's like something out of a romance movie, you should be thrilled!" 

"It's not exactly a romance movie moment for me, Mare." I muttered. 

Maren, always unfazed by other people, didn't understand. "Well, I think it's romantic. Now go on, open it! The suspense is killing me."

In my seven months of working at Vixens, I'd never told Maren, or anyone for that matter, about Harry. I had always meant to, but when he left it sent my world to flames and I spent months trying to put it out. It wasn't a subject I enjoyed bringing up, so I didn't. Not even to Mare, who knew seemingly everything else about me by now. 

Part of me wanted to throw the box away without even opening it. Who the fuck did Harry think he was anyway? He wasn't allowed to just abandon me after three years and then drop back in whenever he wanted with some stupid present as if that would make up for the damage caused. 

A bigger, and possibly more pitiful part of me, wanted to rip the box open and examine every detail of the contents inside. Like if I stared hard enough, I could find a reason, a good reason for him to have left. One that dried up all my wandering thoughts and unanswered questions. Or maybe, I'd find that he had returned. I wasn't sure which would be worse.

I didn't have time to ponder which route to take for longer than a second before Maren was ripping the box from my hands. 

"Hey!" I said loudly, turning to yank it from her but stopping as she let out a loud gasp. "What?" I asked, watching her pull a small canvas from the box. I moved closer, my chest tightening.

 Maybe this would give me the answers I needed. 

"Ror, this is amazing," Maren said breathlessly, ignoring the calls for assistance at the bar. In her hands, there was a painting of me sat on the windowsill of my - our, apartment, a chipped blue coffee mug in hand and my eyes closed and face turned so you could only see half of it. There were newspapers scattered around the floor of the painting, and I was only wearing one sock paired with my ratty Snoopy shorts. 

My eyes floated around the canvas, drinking in every detail of it. I remembered that day. I was interning at First Draft, the local journalism company downtown. I'd been so excited for my first week that I came home daily with bundles of newspapers, spreading them out around the apartment like some sort of maze.

"My little journalist is still hard at work." Harry had joked on my first Sunday off, watching me surrounded by papers and cartoon dog pajamas. 

"Babydoll."

The word alone made me tense. 

"What?" I asked Maren, feeling my cheeks beginning to rapidly heat up. I pushed closer to her, trying to see what she was seeing.

Her red nail polished finger pointed to the bottom of the canvas, reading out loud. "See? here he wrote 'Babydoll in the morning.'" She read out loud in a terrible attempt at a man's voice. Her brown eyes shifted up to me. "Babydoll?"  She questioned, the corners of her full lips tilting up in amusement. "Who the hell is this guy and why does he call you that?"

My face was still hot. "Shut up." I grumbled, snatching the canvas from her and craning my neck to really look at the painting. "It's nothing. He's…Nothing." Maren opened her mouth to press for details, but the sound of an angry fist slamming on the bar with the demand of a pint of beer deterred her attention from me. 

"Al-right, I'm coming! Hold your horses." The girl complained, stalking over to the counter and leaving me to stare at the canvas. 

No matter how much I looked at the painting, I couldn't find anything of substance. No answers or clues. Just me, looking exhausted in our living room. 

The remainder of my shift was a blur. I spent most of it dodging Mare's questions and curious eyes and serving bourbon to overly intoxicated customers. I tried to shove the painting, and its artist from my mind, but he seemed to be renting all the space in there and leaving me no room to think of anything else. But, at least I had bagged a fifty as a tip from a table of especially rowdy men. As I made my way up the to the third floor of my apartment building, I was partially thankful and partially disappointed to see that there was no one waiting on my doorstep. 

Great. So he'd come into my life just to cause chaos and then go radio silent again. Typical Harry.

I fumbled with my house key, eventually jamming it into the lock and letting myself in. 

I half expected there to be the sound of crappy indie music and the smell of his spicy drug store cologne waiting for me inside. I was angry at myself when I was disappointed by the sight of the darkened apartment in the same state I had left it in this morning. 

Don't be stupid, Aurora. He said it himself, he could never be satisfied. 

Not by this city or this apartment, or even me. The thought of him loving me, but not enough to stay, was enough to send me spiraling. 

I didn't want to spiral. Not today.

I shut the door behind me, briskly walking inside. God, I really needed to call my therapist and set up another appointment after tonight's shit show.

Harry sure did know how to create chaos inside me. Especially for someone who wasn't even around anymore.

 I turned my focus to the sink on my left. It was piling up with dirty dishes I hadn't had the energy to wash over the past week. I needed a distraction from the brunette boy. He was a master at starting a war in my head. I stalked over to the sink, turning the water on hot and grabbing a sponge. As I scrubbed, I started to feel better. Taking my frustration out on the dishes was serving as a good substitute to crying or drinking or shaving my head. So much so that I almost didn't notice the drawing of a bluebird taped to the window in the living room. 

Almost, that is.

#harry’s house #harry styles #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles x oc #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles fic #harry styles x y/n #harry styles concept #harry styles blurb #harry styles one shot #one direction writing #one direction fanfiction #1d fanfiction #one shot #love on tour #harry styles grammys #writing #fanfiction #fanfic #harry styles fan fiction #fic rec #harry styles fics #harry x you

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Abbott Elementary Episode 4: Smoking!! I lowkey forgot Abbott aired last night till I saw a clip of it on YouTube earlier, I believe lol. I watched it earlier today and did not liveblog it, but I'm here to talk about it a bit now!

Not much though, because it's late and I had a show tonight, and more tomorrow and Saturday lol.

The fact that they were discouraging substances while all actively using substances is hilarious xDDD It's not where I was expecting that to go lol! Idk what I was expecting, but not that xD

I'm glad it really talked about how broken the system is. I hope that kid doesn't get suspended <3.

Also the jokes the kids made about their vices were wild 💀. That dust bowl was out of control XDD Iconic all around though lol

I'm glad Jacob decided to give up vaping lol, good for him :') <3. Out of all of them his was honestly the most actually harmful lol.

Even though I don't love the detail that he vapes (mostly because you'd think being against it would be one of his many liberal policies lol), I really love that it brought back that smoking comment from the pilot!! Also I can totally spin this into a vices from deep anxiety thing which is lovely lol. Also the air bit was hilarious xD

Anyway they're all idiots but I do love them all lol <33

Also Janine was wild with that teacher lol 💀. I do think there were some things she was right about (like. the literal education parts lol) but dang girl xD love that the sub did not care at all lol

Unrelated but I love Jacob immediately blaming Morton for the smoking lol xD

Anyway seeing them all being chill at the end was great xD. Like Barbara trying the oil, Jacob quitting, etc lol. Good for them :).

This episode caught me off guard a bit, especially since I don't use substances, but I kinda like that, once again! This season is really throwing me off my game in the best way possible - we all need to be made uncomfortable sometimes to learn stuff :). This episode it wasn't too much, because I don't disrespect anyone who uses drugs (of the safe kind), but since I don't it's still a view into the other side.

Also Gregory's was so him xD. Honestly all of them lol - Janine's makes so much sense in hindsight (also Gregory's comment to her about like "Did you smoke last night" 💀 XDD iconic lol), Melissa's (and her smoking background - which by the way, the comments about that were funny too lol) made sense, Barbara's was- yeah xD, her lol, we basically already knew about Ava xD. And of course Jacob's is a callback lol! And it does kinda make sense for him, even if I thought he would know. I mean hey, we do things we know are bad all the time lol, and nobody can resist everything. Also I think I'm in partial denial because I don't want him to have gone through what it puts you through lol xD. Anyway, they were all super accurate :D.

I loved this episode!! I thought it was really great and I'm so excited for the next one :D. I am also utterly terrified :). Help me please :'). The title and description are scaring me and I swear to goodness they better be a mislead. I think they probably are but still xD.

Don't break them up please I need them lol

Also I'll just pretend it never happened anyway xD

Oh dang I probably won't be able to see that episode live either- eh we'll deal with that later.

So yeah! I loved the episode :D. I thought it was really great and super interesting :). I'm excited for the next one!

This has been my review for. . .

Abbott Elementary, Season 3, Episode 4: Smoking

It was really good :)). I'm really excited to see the next one but y'all I am so scared lol.

I'll be back next week for my review of. . .

Abbott Elementary, Season 3, Episode 5: Breakup

See you guys then!!!

#abbott elementary #ae #oasis's ae chatter #abbott elementary 3x04 #it's gonna be the choir it's gonna be the choir it's gonna be the choir it's gon- #xD #anyway!! #as I said I just did a show (like two hours ago lol) and I have two more ahead soon so I'm gonna head out xD #gonna eat and then go to bed lol #get some rest y'all :)) #I love you all :DD ❤️❤️❤️❤️!!! #byeeee :))) 🥰🥰🥰🥰 <33!!!!

[honorary-evil-genius]

well. guess who noticed another detail in WTIT.

Fair warning before I start, this won't make much sense until the end, so just bear with me.

At several points during the video, Logan turns his face away from the camera and closes his eyes. this wouldn't be super notable if it only happened once, but it's a recurring pattern. and it isn't just a feature of the acting style either, all of these examples last for several seconds and seem very intentional. but mostly, this is exactly what he does right before his eyes turn orange.

first, after remus puts the screw in c!thomas's oatmeal and logan convinces him to deal with remus instead of sticking to the schedule. (shown below)

"Another time..."

next, some examples from the scene where c!Thomas finds a ketchup packet in the laundry, (and fooled me into thinking it was blood the first time I watched it.)

"perhaps this can be taken as a reminder. that one does not normally need emergency ketchup."

a reminder. so this conversation has happened before. (and it didn't seem to help)

then c!Thomas says "oh, logan, you, You. are funny"

"no, I'm not"

reminds me of a certain "I'm not a joke"

so my point is that Logan has been suppressing orange for the whole video, weather he knows it or not.

I don't think he really knew it was orange. heck, the only reason we even knew orange was in that video is because logan's own eyes, which he obviously can't see, turned orange, and the eyes at the end card.(also which Logan could not see). but it is notable that Logan was specifically hiding his eyes.

this is probably just a case of hiding his facial expressions from other characters/grounding himself, but this could also be Janus keeping orange hidden. this is further supported by the fact that orange actually appears when the only person around to see is Remus, who presumably already knows about orange. (and no one would believe him if he tried to tell them). also that the camera swept behind Logan and onto the tree behind him to show Janus in the end card, and it's worth noting, right after that orange shows up again in the form of eyes.

now, lets face it. Logan knows he can't go on like this forever. he knows how repression works. I think this is why he looks so terrified after his eyes go orange. his repressed anger is starting to boil over, and the clock is ticking. he knows this. maybe this is why orange is coming through in the eyes? to represent a flawed coping mechanism failing? but who knows, anything is possible.

(p.s. I'd love to hear your thoughts/theories if you want)

#sanders sides #logan sanders #ts logan #orange side #ts orange side #sanders sides theory #orange side theory #tss #tss theory #if I edit this later it's because I figured out how to explain my thoughts better #orange sanders

[howlofhades]

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀(I misunderstood the assignment 🥲💙)

@t3mpest98

Lore for possibly all my ocs I don't know, there's a lot. Some are headcanons because yes

Barks- most of the time he chooses not to sleep, he's too busy thinking of lives he could've possibly saved but couldn't. It eats him alive. Barks actually has a stutter, but he's really good at keeping it hidden he'd prefer if you didn't mention it, he's kinda insecure about it.

Erix- oh yes the flirt. Erix has a bullet in a necklace given by Skunker the first time they met, the other clone jokingly said "Next time you annoy me this is gonna go in your forehead" and Erix kept it just to annoy him, fun fact this is when Barks immediately decided he disliked Skunker. On the first meeting.

Storm- a literal menace to society. Falls on his feet frequently, like buddy you good? Constantly pranks the commanders like his life depends on it, if he misses a day he claims he'll get organ failure or some shit, Irais is ten seconds away from throwing him literally he's not even joking.

Skunker- oh yes, Mr. I threatened Erix and now his batchmate wants to murder me but I also want to murder him. Yes, he actually hates Barks it's not a joke, Crimson drags him away all the time.

Irais- oh yes the closed off commander whipee. Officially apart of the "I lost an eye club." His whole batch has problems, they are problematic but won't admit it. Irais jokes that his whole batch are failures, insert plasma throwing something at Irais here. If storm pranks him again he's gonna flip.

Dipper- has only been pranked by storm once, he's super likable. Very ori'vod coded. Drags Irais away like a lil kitten. Loves space, him and Bear talk about space together.

Lazarus- oh look it's another asshole, well he wasn't always an asshole but trauma loves him. Blames himself for the death of his batchmates, feels guilty for what happened to Phoenix.

Phoenix- feels guilty for what happened to his batchmates, definitely feels like he failed. His death is a well kept secret. Actually growls, no one knows why. Phoenix is, morbidly, a medic- and he himself has died for a few minutes before Laz restarted his heart.

Frey- looks up to all of the commanders, he has a favourite okay but yeah I'm not gonna mention who. "Crimson you can't bite them, Pluto stop climbing on everyone." Tired.

Pluto- climbs on whoever he can, mainly the 104th specifically. Did this Laz once and uh he got punched in the face- Laz didn't mean to do that but uh it happened

Crimson- has no self control, it's a problem. Does everything Frey tells him not to do.

Bear- BABY BABY BABY BOY. severe abandonment issues, terrified of being alone, hates saying goodbyes. Clings onto others, good luck getting him off of you :) tired, barely sleeps. "Glowstick if you do that again I'm going to personally revoke your glowstick privileges." "Bear is normal" have you seen his batchmates? Has daily breakdowns, sir are you okay? Comforts everyone, puts everyone first but he never takes care of himself. Actually kinda shy, glowstick is trying to get him to come out of his shell. A nervous wreck. Has a love hate relationship because of his batchmate Teddy, usually Joystick calls their name right another another "Teddy Bear come here!" They hate this.

Glowstick- actually eats glowsticks, got dared to eat one by Vixen don't worry he's fine and has done this before. Loves scaring Bear, probably the reason Bear barely sleeps. Rumour has it if you try hard enough he might glow in the dark, give it a try.

Joystick- the other unhinged feral guy. joystick is a pilot, and a very wild one at that, so they call him that because of the way he handles the throttle. He is the less unhinged out of glowstick and obviously himself still unhinged though. Absolutely feral.

Ginger- will fight you on the fact that he's the best cook.

Dainty- keeps Ryder in check or is supposed to.

Ryder- honestly what the fuck is he doing? Nobody knows

Unknown- does anyone really like him? Tragedy complains he's too negative.

Tragedy- unknown complains he's too tragic. He's the opposite of Peace kinda, likes conflict/is okay with conflict, talkative ish you get the idea.

Peace- Bear's little shadow and would do anything to help him, was abandoned by his batchmates no matter how many times Ryder denies it, Unknown claims he chose to leave this was not the case. Conflict makes him uncomfortable, barely speaks. Bear learnt sign language to help him. Constantly shakes. He's scared okay?

Beau- nothing to say here

Plasma- the asshole, the beloved. Has a dark sense of humour, it's kinda fucked up. "Fuck around and find out." Is such a tease. You're always safe with him. Throws rocks and anything at Irais. Once screamed in Mist's ears to see what would happen, Mist fucking decked him on the spot.

Fuze- the baby, he likes nature okay? Um what else, I don't know. Squish. He's also a corrie. Could tell you random facts about anything, August and Muffin fall asleep to this. I wanna put Fuze in my pocket, he's just a guy. He enjoys learning new things. He once got his hands on fireworks, glowstick helped.

August- I don't know what I'm doing with him but he's a guy.

Teddy- him and Bear matching names kinda happened, actually the opposite of Bear though. No more on him yet.

Lavender- thinks glowstick and joystick are insane, but where's the lie?

Muffin- I think people will like him when I introduce him in my big oc post

Mist- I don't wanna say anything until my big oc post

Slush- he baby

Bubbles- he best boy

#i'm not gonna tag them all yet #sorry that not all of them have info or lore or headcanons listed #they are guys #blue posts #blue's ocs #blue's asks #blue answers #from the galaxy

[lacefuneral]

hm. i wasnt going to post about it again but. i will. i don't want to put this in the tag but there are spoilers for the last two episodes of the pirate show. so scroll past if you don't want spoiled

but this is less a post about the show and more about. my mental episode. SA discussion tw.

ok so when i saw the episodes last thursday, i saw the implied sex scene and my sexual assault trauma got triggered. really bad. in fact so bad that it pushed me into full blown psychosis that lasted for like 12 hours. and then the subsequent days i felt residual fear.

i instinctively blocked anyone who giffed the scene in question or posted screencaps of it. or made posts celebrating it/making jokes of it. and in some cases blocked people who simply reblogged them.

i realize that people have written meta explaining "no, no really. this is consensual." but one, i don't think a piece of media should have to /require/ that sort of meta and, two, regardless of what was intended by the narrative, the direction taken in the filming of the scene /did/ trigger my sexual assault trauma. i even saw people make horrible posts like "i've seen people say this scene resembles SA to them and actually, THOSE people are spreading rape culture" ???????

anyway. in some cases, i've begun to gradually refollow people (especially former mutuals) that i blocked during my mental health episode. but i'm not quite there yet. i'm still... fragile.

now. i have encountered instances like this before. where media caused me upset (although not nearly to this degree, as this time it involved a comfort character) and like anything else that has triggered me, i've had to approach it with (controlled!) exposure therapy.

unfortunately, controlled exposure therapy would not be possible at this time, as i continue to encounter the scene against my will regardless of what website i am on (which is causing retraumatization). so, after the finale airs, i will likely need to blacklist the OFMD tag for a little while - stop going on AO3 etc. - giving me an entirely clean slate to work with.

but... yeah. i'm in a weird position where something i deeply love has become unsafe for me. where, i could not have guessed in a million years that my comfort character would violently slam his partner against the wall. no communication. no provocation. after his partner very clearly said he wanted to go slow. and that's fucking terrifying to me. i can't help but put myself in ed's shoes. because i would also want to go slow, for my own reasons. and what if my partner didn't care. just disregarded preestablished boundaries. forced himself onto me because of his own selfish desires. while i am trying to comfort him. while i open up about my childhood traumas.

it literally makes me feel physically ill. they could have framed the scene any other way. even if they were "pressed for time." what, they had time to give izzy a musical number but not enough to flesh out one of the most delicate and anticipated scenes of the entire show?

so to me, right now, that scene is my wooden shark. i do not acknowledge it as having happened. maybe that will change eventually? but i have to do that to protect myself.

and like. the response from (some) corners of the fandom to SA victims who were triggered by the ending of episode 6 is nothing short of cruel. i hope you guys learn to be compassionate to others.

[larielmusic]

Yep, it’s February 2nd, 2023, Groundhog Day! And I’d like to take this opportunity to share about one of my favorite movies of all time, Groundhog Day, starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell, on its 30-year(!) anniversary. 

The film, known as an “existential comedy” by the great Harold Ramis, is now considered by most theologians to be one of the great depictions of a universal spiritual lesson - what the hell are we doing here, what is our purpose, and when do we achieve enlightenment? To Bill Murray’s character Phil Connors, it means having to live the same day over and over until he finally gets it right.

There's a popular phrase in 12-step rooms - "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." There are innumerable ways and means in which I was the Phil Connors in my own life story, reliving the same experience over and over, furious and terrified and bewildered as hell, wondering why nothing was changing.

So, throughout my life as a creative, in order to pay rent and live, I would take these office jobs. It was the quintessential day job, trying to strike the perfect balance of little responsibility (entry level) and no demand (I'm not spending one fucking minute after 5PM at this bitch.) Because, I AM AN ARTIST. I don't have time for you people. I would look down my nose at the other workers, the interns, and of course the bosses, privilege and contempt dripping from my pores. You dare to ask me to wipe down the conference table or order lunch? I graduated magna cum laude! I studied Shakespeare, assholes! And, the years would pass and those interns would turn into my next bosses (meetings may be temporary but kale salad orders are forever.)

Sometimes I would try and pull a geographic - I'd quit the job in a dramatic fashion (oh, please, who am I kidding - I'd give a month's notice because I was sooooo indispensable), start looking at grad school applications in other states, or even move across the country. But somehow, no matter where I went, there I was - somehow with the same job, the same boss, the same misery and giant ol' chip on my shoulder getting ever heavier.

But what about your creative endeavors, you ask? Didn't you focus your energy and attention to working on your craft, using every possible free moment, each available cellular unit of energy, to create? That would be a giant fucking NOPE. Instead, I just became obsessed in the pursuit of it, much like Phil Connors' pursuit of Rita.

Just like Phil memorizing French poetry, I thought maybe if I KNEW all about the music industry, then I could finally break free of my self-imposed eternal prison. I turned into one of those annoying people you meet at cocktail parties, spouting expertise and blabbing about all the current trends in music, etc (I even made a podcast!). But to actually sit down at the keyboard and create??? Oh HELL no. My art was placed on such an insanely high pedestal, adrift in the waves of "if onlys" and "somedays" that it became the Moby Dick to my Captain Ahab, somewhere out there in mystical perfection, my hopes of ever finding it getting dimmer by the day.

Once Phil realizes that he can't escape this eternal day loop, the wheels come off and he starts acting out, in fun ways that eventually turn dark. For me, faced with my endless loop, It was far easier to "get busy dying," to quote my other favorite movie. Just stay in the shit, endlessly complain about this boss or that stupid-ass project, eat and drink away any notion of taking personal responsibility for my circumstances, and find whatever distraction I could* to relieve the anguish that I was a failure, a joke, a victim of life's cruel sense of humor. (*dive bars, Netflix binges and doom scrolling are a few favorites of mine)

So, what's the turning point, the solution, to all of this? For Phil, it's coming to terms with the fact that there is no solution. He's tried everything, including several creative ways to off himself, but he keeps waking up at the same time, in the same place, every day. He's had to let go of the illusion that he could control anything, least of all the possibility of a tomorrow.

He starts to poke around the walls of his self-imposed prison and starts taking a sincere interest in his fellow cell mates. He learns how to play piano (nice one, Phil!) He learns ice sculpture. In addition to self-improvement, he becomes a friend, a counselor, a comfort and a support to everyone in the town - a George Bailey of Punxsutawney, if you will. He learns to love without any expectation of return. And he tries to make each day, each "same" day, the best day of his life.

So, have I personally achieved Phil Connors' Nirvana? Um, no, because my life is not a movie. Have I been inspired and humbled by Groundhog Day? God, yes. When I stop and think about it, some of the coolest people, the smartest people, the most thoughtful and creative people I have ever met in La-la land were from these office jobs. Some of my most enduring friendships have come from office jobs. So much kindness and generosity came from the very people I resented - the bosses who asked about my music, came to a show, donated to my tip jar, championed me and protected me from far worse outcomes and possible destitution that I never realized until much later. Saved my ass, basically, and asked for nothing in return.

“Life is art. Art is life. I never separate it.” – Ai Weiwei Being an artist is tough. For whatever reason we have to support our art, sometimes over several lifetimes, until it can support us. However, the jewels of inspiration are in the fabric of the every day, the life we are living in this very moment. Sure, I'd rather be inspired by the whitewashed walls of Rick Rubin's studio than the gray matte fabric of an office cubicle, but life's what you make it, with the tools you've been given. To quote Phil Connors, "I think people place too much emphasis on their careers. I wish we could all live in the mountains at high altitude. That's where I see myself in five years. How about you?"

#groundhog day #punxsutawney phil #groundhog day 2023 #groundhog day movie #bill murray #phil connors #harold ramis #spiritual enlightenment #spiritual lesson #spiritual awakening #art #creative #creative life #musician