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#ITS ALL FROM A CHILDISH POV
panxramic · 1 month
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Tallulah and Promises
Something I’ve always liked keeping an eye on and is so bittersweet about Tallulah’s character is her relationship with promises. I’m not quite sure when it became so intense, maybe it’s been there since the beginning, but Tallulah for a long time has had a unique relationship with making and keeping a promise.
I want to say that first and foremost, how she handles promises can be incredibly childish. Both because they can be nonsensical and “immature” AND because well, she’s a child. What kind of promise do you expect from a child?
A promise is everything to her, it’s a contract. Its words set in stone and written in the stars. A promise CANNOT be broken. Doesn’t matter who it is, a promise is a promise and you keep it. And it’s not all bad. Things like this can be reasonable right? She’ll get upset of course when someone makes a promise or when she can’t keep hers. She uses promises as a way to hold out hope. She uses them to keep herself and those around her accountable, so she has the assurance that they’ll do what they promised and she’ll do what she promised. That no matter what happens in the world, no matter what life throws at her, she can count on those promises.
So when someone breaks it, when she can’t live up to her promises, it shatters her world view.
And then the problems start to stack up, especially when we get into the realm of false promises, it starts becoming a mess. A mess of false hope. Because remember, to her, promises can be translated to hope (another big part of her character).
Gonna breeze pass through this one but she did make a promise when she first joined the island. A promise to someone, who never kept up his end of it, and she held on to it for MONTHS. For months that child held out her promise and repeatedly brought it up again and again that no matter what she was gonna be alive for when he came back and when he needed her. With not a sign of him returning that promise to her. And this promise was also hope. Hope she wasn’t gonna be left alone again, abandoned.
And that’s when we get into false promises. Because although Tallulah does value them a lot, she also asks for people to promise her things that sometimes cannot be done. There have been countless of times she has tried asking q!Phil to promise her something, but q!Phil has rarely ever promised her anything (with a handful of exceptions). He’s careful, he’s always very careful about what he promises to her because he doesn’t want to make a promise he can’t keep. And whenever he doesn’t promise her something, I feel like a part of Tallulah’s hope gets cracked. Because without a promise, how positive is she that q!Phil will keep his word? How hopeful can she really be that everything will be okay?
She hangs onto promises like a lifeline. They’re the one tether that can keep her hope afloat. And she remembers them, remembers her promises like a burn on her skin.
She’s done the same thing to q!Bad. Has asked if he could promise things, like promise that he wasn’t dying, but q!Bad never could. And when people can’t promise something, she has little hope that everything will be okay.
And some promises she asks for can be so… nonsensical. Promises we know, and I KNOW she knows, cannot be made. But she asks for them anyway. Because she’s a child. A child who just wants everything to be okay and wants her Papa Phil to promise that nothing bad will ever happen to him, to promise that he will never leave them, because she’s a terrified kid of being abandoned again and not having that reassurance, that solid ground, that things will be okay.
But q!Phil can’t promise that. And it aches.
One time she broke that barrier, she couldn’t take it anymore. She asked q!Bad to promise her something and he refused to. And afterwards she just told him to promise it to her even if it’s a lie. She full on broke that glass wall and was transparent.
Pinky promise to me you would not die
At least lie to me
And he did.
Because promises make her feel better. She holds onto them until she can’t, even if it is filled with lies. Because sometimes a child asks for a promise and they don’t expect the truth, they just expect comfort. Because it’s the only thing they can handle.
It’s so sad to watch her hold onto promises that she KNOWS deep in her heart can’t be kept. But still she wishes and she hopes and she believes in these lies as if they’re the only thing holding her up above ground.
Sometimes the promises she asks for can be unreasonable. She puts up a wall to protect herself because reality is scary, it’s terrifying. Tallulah values the truth like no other. She hates lies and she hates when people like q!Phil and Chayanne hide things from her. But when it comes to her dad potentially abandoning her, when it comes to him dying and leaving her, she’d rather believe everything will be okay than face the harsh reality of what’s going on.
And this topic has a lot of nuances I won’t get specifically into. It’s a blend of promises and lies and hope and truth. The lies the promises hold aren’t the same as someone straight up lying to her face and hiding things from her. It’s different instances of a lie.
Anyways, again, a lot of different things I can get into and definitions to go through BUT I will to say that it’s not wrong of her to want to believe everything will be okay. I’m an optimist at heart. ‘Hope’ to me is important and I think it isn’t wrong to have it even when things are looking down. But, something specifically for Tallulah is that alongside that hope, she also is terrified of reality (rightfully so) and tries to erase it by making a promise. And essentially, that’s not how the world works.
It’s such a childish way of thinking. You cannot erase the bad things from happening with a promise. And that’s what Tallulah sometimes does. If she makes q!Phil promise that he won’t leave her, then surely he won’t. That’s how promises work right?
Tallulah holds herself to these promises too. She does everything in her power to keep her word. When she doesn’t, when she breaks a promise she makes, she beats herself up for it.
That first promise she made? She broke it during purgatory and it broke her. It was one of the many accumulated reasons why she hated Purgatory island and everything associated with it. And when she broke that promise a piece of her hope broke with it.
Whenever Tallulah makes a promise to q!Phil she engraves it in her mind. She does everything in her power to keep it. And when she’s accused of breaking a promise, she panics and becomes defensive. She looks back into her mind to see if she ever DID make that promise and if she didn’t she starts defending herself. The conversation begins to shift from the actual issue to “no I never made that promise I didn’t promise you anything I didn’t break anything.” Because it’s SUPER important to her. The idea of breaking a promise is like a rock to glass. So she remembers the promises she makes.
Promises for Tallulah are a childish way for her to rewrite reality. But they’re also a way for her to have hope. There’s a balance when it comes to having hope and being able to see reality for what it is. And it’s something Tallulah struggles with. And I don’t blame her for it.
A child who cannot cope with reality will make pinky promises of clear skies and sunny days. A child who cannot handle the possibility of being abandoned again will make someone promise her to never leave even if she knows things are out of his control. Because in the mind of a child, a promise cannot be broken.
A promise is sealed. It’s a binding rope that should never give. So if Tallulah can make q!Phil promise her things, then that means he will never leave her, that means he will never hurt her. If Tallulah can make q!Bad promise her he won’t die then she can live in the lie that he will be okay. If she can promise to always be by her brothers side then surely they will never be separated again.
Because promise can’t be broken.
Right?
(Deep down inside, she knows).
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in which I knew this was going to be an ordeal but holy moly this is a whole other level of fustrating
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boozenboze · 1 year
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141 and male reader who is angry and when he’s angry, he goes in the gym area they have and just punches the punching bad with bare fists for hours on end and basically breaks the punching bags but keeps putting new ones up. his fists are bloody and bruised and everyone is looking for him and they can’t find him so they search everywhere and find him with blood running down his hands from the countless hours of punching and they have to practically drag him out of the gym and they make him lay down which he wont go down without a fight but YA
SORRY ITS LONG💗😭
Calm Down!
Summary: After a certain soldiers constant slip ups and slacking off Lieutenant Rage gets angry.
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Females She/Her and She/ They DNI
Today hadn't gone so well, in fact it went terribly. For starters two of the new recruits lost the files that the team had been sent to retrieve. Secondly, one of the same men had flunked out during training, only to later be seen running about with some of the other soldiers. And the cup of tea to pull everything together he did something he shouldn't have. That thing being talking about one of the higher ups, Lieutenant Rage, also known as M/n. The h/c haired male had his eyes on the recruit since the beginning, knowing that he'd be trouble from the start. The childish acts, the constant slacking off, and always holding everybody back by getting injured. It was clear as day that the man shouldn't be in the military for those exact reasons. The mans carelessness for himself and others would get them all killed.
"Captain do you not understand what i'm saying?" The h/c haired male asked as Price hummed, showing that he was paying attention to the males words as he filled out some papers.
"Rage look, I understand your concern but I haven't seen anything wrong with the seargent." Price explained as M/n glared into his skull.
"Besides maybe your overreacting-"
"I AM NOT OVERREACTING!" The male finally snapped as that cold glint in his eyes that would normally only be seen on the field was now visible. Price flinched at the males change of tone, it was hot yet scary.
"That bastard could get us all killed at some point and your sitting on yer ass like that's ok. THAT IS NOT OKAY!" The male yelled as Price shook slightly from the males booming voice. He was the males Captain, he shouldn't be getting yelled at like this. With one final huff of anger the male stormed out as Price sat in his chair stunned.
The h/c haired male stormed down the hallway, knocking a solider down in the process.
"Hey! Whats your problem....." The soldiers voice dragged as he realized it was his Lieutenant. "I-i'm sorry sir!" The soldier squeaked as he ran down the hallway. M/n was already breathing heavily out of anger, and that anger seemed to double after that small accident. He had to let off some steam at this point. If he was pushed any further he'd end up killing someone. The man was speeding over to the training area that he knew would be empty considering that it was around the time the soldiers would go to their barracks. The h/c haired male couldn't do that, his adrenaline was high and that would only keep him awake longer. He just hoped that he could blow off some steam before going to bed.
Timskip (Gaz pov)
I just came from Prices office and he seemed to be deep in thought. I asked if everything was oky but he said no. He told me about the conversation he had with M/n and from how he explained it, it seemed like he was pissed off. M/n was always the most aggressive out of us all, hell he'd probably yank a mans head off if he could.
We were all walking around the base looking for our beligerant soldier known as M/n. The man could do the unthinkable when he's angry so we hope he isn't doing anything crazy.
"We've checked everywhere for the man it's clear he isn't here!" Soap complained, getting tired of feeling like he had been walking circles. I looked at the man before turning my attention to Ghost. Seemed like he didn't wanna be here either, but he had no choice. We passed the training area and heard a loud slam which caught our attention. Price gave us a look before opening the door. I was surprised to see M/n standing over a punching bag, i'm guessing he broke it considering that the chain that the bag was connected to wasn't there anymore. The man was out of breath as he picked up the punching bag and throwing it to the side.
Ghost had walked over and put his arms under the shorter males arms. The man immediately threw a fit, he was kicking and yelling incoherantly and the men were only able to hear snippets of his words.
"Get the fuck off me-BITCH!" The male yelled as he whipped his head back hitting Ghosts mask. Ghost grunted from the sudden pressure being put on his face as he crouch down to the floor with the male still in his hold. The taller man had the h/c haired male pinned to the ground as the position they were in restricted his movements.
3rd pov
"M/n calm down, we can stay like this for as long as we have to, to make your relax." Price said as M/n huffed angrily. Slowly but surely the mans breathing steadied, despite that he still wasn't calm. Gaz had held the mans hand and furrowed his brows at the sight of the males bleeding knuckles. Ghost had already noticed the mans hands, so he picked him up and walked to the infirmary.
Timeskip
Ghost was seated on the couch next to Ghost, who was currently sipping on some tea as the h/c haired male groaned in annoyance. The slurping sounds aggravated him but he couldn’t since Ghost had him wrapped up in a blanket. He looked like a burrito, a angry one at that. The lieutenant looked at him for a moment before offering the male a biscuit, to which he took. He may be angry, but when snacks are offered there can’t be much of an argument. The male muttered a “thank you” while chewing the savory treat. In that moment Soap and the others came into the room in their pajamas. The Scot almost laughed when he saw the position the private had been put in.
“Well ain’t this nice to see.” Soap said while ruffling the males hair to which the male attempted to bite his hand. Soap laughed and poked the males side before sitting down.
“L/n...look, I thought about what you had said and your right.” Price said as M/n looked him dead in the eye.
“We’ll be terminating him tomorrow, he won’t be bothering anyone else.” Price explains as M/n visibly relaxed. Seems like the removal of that one recruit made a big difference in the males mood which made them all happy.
“Alright...Lets watch a movie since we’re still up!” Gaz said happily while the other men hummed in agreement as M/n squirmed under the blanket.
“If one of you dont get me out this hot ass blanket we’re having problems.” M/n said as Soap hurriedly tool the blanket from around the male. The sound of the movie could be heard as all the men sat back and relaxed. M/n had his head on Ghosts shoulder while Soap had his head on M/n’s. Seems like they would be having a peaceful night.
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masterstr0ke · 3 days
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Hihi, i wanted to make a request (if it’s open) Your last aventurine and welt pieces were beautiful 🩷
Dr ratio hasn’t gotten the time to spend time with you lately and he works hard, but you are his supportive spouse so you bring him snacks and remind him to take breaks in between and kiss the cheek of his alabaster head as a treat (he has it on) before you do your own work. Now all he can think about is you for the rest of the day (perhaps he would have preferred it on his skin too)
If you don’t write for him that’s fine ^^
No need to rush, tyt! ☁️
YOU KNOW I’M SUCH A FOOL FOR YOU.
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HUSBAND!RATIO x GN!READER
WARNINGS: annoyed Ratio, jealousy over an inanimate object (?), drowning in work. 2nd person POV (you/yours/yourself)
WORD COUNT: 494
AUTHOR NOTE: i know what you are👀
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The day was slow at the Intelligentsia Guild, especially for the infamous Dr. Ratio.
Since the day began, all he has been doing is deal with insufferable morons with a worn-out shoe for a brain! Such imbeciles, Ratio believes time is precious, but unfortunately his students are dumb enough to waste it, even dumber to waste his time by asking how old he is or if he’s single or not.
Those fools don’t have to know that at-work Dr. Ratio is different than at-home Veritas, and can’t they figure out the question themselves by paying the slightest bit of attention to the silver band on his left hand’s ring finger? His attitude should’ve intimidated them enough for their minds to not go beyond the assumption that all he does at home is shower, eat work and sleep.. right? At least, that’s what he thinks.
However, he hasn’t been paying enough attention to the beautiful person sharing the other ring with him; the one he said his vows to. All he does when he goes back home is shower, eat, work and sleep. That’s it. He doesn’t even have time to glance your way, and that angers him.
He put on his alabastor head; His expression was too sour to welcome anyone who dares enter his office besides higher-ups. And just as he was about to start working in peace, a knock erupted at his office’s door, great. Ratio grumbled quietly. “Come in.” He spoke in an authoritative tone, expecting this to be a higher-up or an idiot student.
You open the door, a box in your hand, and a wide smile that rivals the sun in its shiny glory. “Veritas!” You call out as a greeting, before rushing to his desk. “I know you’re busy, so I’ll make this quick. You forgot your lunch at my office,” Oh, so that’s where his lunch went. You also worked at the Intelligentsia Guild, also being a teacher of high regard. Opposites attract, they say. All of your students love you, and you’re friends with everyone; An obvious contrast from your husband. You place the lunchbox on his desk with your left hand, the band on your ring finger glistening in the sunlight, the source being the window behind Veritas’ chair.
You then lean in and kiss the cheek of the alabastor head, then the lips. It wasn’t enough, since the head lacked the warmth of skin, but you were content. You give him a smile before you head out the door, just like that.
Ratio slowly took off the alabastor head, looking at it in disgust as if it owes him something. It does, it took away his lover’s kisses. As childish as it sounds, he’s been craving a kiss for a while. He supposes he has to wait until he goes back home, maybe he’ll get all the kisses he wants. In exchange of his work being put aside, even for a little while.
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sturniol0s · 2 months
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dare- matt sturniolo
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part 1
matt x fem!reader
a harmless prank wont hurt right?
warnings - use of y/n, no smut…yet,
a/n: back from my break and redoing this series, cant wait to show you guys my new series im starting🔥
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y/n’s pov
i was at a party with my best friend until my she got dragged away with a guy who she will probably forget the next day.
i look to my left to see matt walk over to me, me and matt have been enemies since the 3rd grade. it all started because we both were the smartest in the class, once in a while we would get jealous of each other. i may have or have not gained feelings for him ever since 8th grade when he first kissed me for a dare.
matts pov
i was at a party playing truth or dare with my friend group nick, chris, and nathan. “matt, truth or dare?” chris says “um, dare” i say as i look down to my shoes “hm i dare you to pretend to date y/n for a month and then break her heart on valentines day” he says as we all laugh “okay, ill do it”.
i walk towards her as i look back towards my friends smiling. “hey wanna get ice cream or something?” i say nervously “yeah sure” she replys. this is easier than i though just gotta date her for a month now.
i get out the car and ask her what flavor she wants, “what flavor do you want?” i take my card out as i roll my eyes knowing i have to pay for her. “no, its okay i can pay for my self” as she takes her card out of her purse. “no its fine i can pay for you” i insist “okay well ill get vanilla”
as im driving i start thinking about how i don’t have to even tell her that this was just a dare, i can just say i lost feelings or something. “why do you like me all of the sudden?” as she interrupts my thoughts. “because i wanna get to know you” i say as i pull up to the ice cream shop. i didn’t have a better excuse because i cant just say, oh because this is a dare.
as we got back in the car from finishing our ice creams she asks for her to go home, “can you drive me home?”, “yeah of course” i say as i move the car from park to drive. i pull up to her drive way, “thank you!” she says as she starts packing up her things, as shes about to go i kiss her, i can see her turn red as she runs back into her house.
y/n’s pov
• earlier
as were eating the ice cream he wipes the ice cream on my lip. “thank you!” i say as i look down in to my ice cream trying to not make it obvious im blushing. “ugh, im full” i say as i have half of my ice cream left. “ill eat it if u don’t want it” he says smiling at me. “okay here” i say as i hand it to him.
We both get back in the car i cant help to smile. “can you drive me home?” i say as i drown in his blue eyes “yeah of course” he replys as he gets back on the road. As we slowly pull up in the drive way i pack up my things “thank you-” i say as i get i interrupted from him kissing me.
i run back to my house i cant help to smile. i go upstairs and change into pajamas. i get into bed and start scrolling on my phone until matt texts me.
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part 2?
@chrisloyalgf @sturnsvlg @sturnsjtop @ihearttsyouu @xgsturn @bunnysturns @kiibichio @ghostlypineappl @ihateeveryone357474 @suyqa @iloveneilperry @mbbsgf @heartz4janellieeeeeee @hearteyesformatt @sturnioloslife @delilahluvsu @b2cute @nellyjan-th @jeanieswagger @tillies33ssss @tapesmatts @sturniologirl813 @vane2realz @sturnzsblog @bernardsleftbootycheek @sturniolobessed @samandcolbyfan22 @blahbel668 @mirandakay20 @vinniehackerslefttoe @melonjollyranche @hopefuljellyfishcollection @bluesturniolo333 @sofiabrown1 @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @tay-laaaaa
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mysillyside · 3 months
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What if Death Note was shown to us from L's perspective?
Imagine a version of Death Note where we the audience didn't know with certainty that Light is Kira. Could we fully trust L's deduction if we weren't shown Light's actions or given access to Light's thoughts?
We'd have to figure it out slowly, as L does. And I'd think the story would make us doubt L's theory during many points. This might sound strange but hear me out. In the actual story, we know Light is Kira, as we follow his point-of-view, and therefor it feels silly when the task force denies something that seems so glaringly obvious to us.
But when you really think about it, from their perspective- there are many holes in L's theory, and to believe that Light is Kira, they'd have to blindly believe what is essentially mostly a hunch of their (self-admitted) stubborn, childish boss who hates losing and being wrong. No wonder they aren't completely onboard.
In short, it would have not only been different viewing experience, but more importantly- a different emotional experience.
Had the story been told this way, I think it would have worked better as a mystery thriller, and in my opinion, been waaay more chilling to watch.
Though, I do think the story would lose a lot of its appeal and entertainment value. It definately wouldn't have been nearly as popular, that's for sure. So I'm not saying it would have been better at all, I don't even think that! But it would have been different and interesting in its own way.
So lets talk about how the plot would unravel had our point-of-view character been switched from Light to L:
Suddenly, seemingly out of the blue, criminals all over the world start dying, getting mysterious heart attacks. Nobody knows the cause, who is behind this if anyone at all. Perhaps it is some sort of divine punishment.
L, the world's greatest detective, and our protagonist/pov-character, starts investigating immediately. It's been awhile since he was this interested in solving a case. We would learn that L isn't someone invested in justice from the getgo. To him, this atrocious act of mass murder is an exciting challenge to solve. We would get non-stop insight into his internal thoughts on everything. Learn that L is a childish person, a very stubborn man that hates losing and being wrong. We'd also see how willing he is to go against basic human decency and moral code in the persuit of his investigation from the get-go.
I cannot stress how different emotionally it would have been to watch L, essentially go into a seemingly unsolvable case blind. And bit by bit, get a clearer picture of what's happening. Scenes like the Lind L. Tailor TV stunt or the To-Oh Entrance Ceramony would have been chilling, had we been following his perspective.
Additionally, we can goof on the taskforce for not picking up the fact Light is obviously Kira, but from their perspective, it does seem a little sketchy and absurd. Light is a 17-18 year old college student by the time L starts suspecting him. By everyone's accounts, he's a hard working, extremely intelligent, upstanding, polite and friendly young man. A good son, brother, student and friend.
But L has a hunch this young man in specific is Kira. Can he prove it? Well there's weight to his theory. Light often seems to be in the center of several key events pertaining to the investigation. His father works on the task force for the case, the fiancee of the FBI agent who was investigating him seems to have gone completely missing. He is also perfect. Too perfect, he almost doesn't seem real.
But is this really enough? L from the getgo seems immedietly drawn into this idea that Light is Kira, as soon as he lays his eyes on him. As said before, L hates being wrong and is known to be stubborn. Everyone around him is telling him he's being absurd.
We the audience would obviously be on L's side, don't get me wrong. L is the greatest detective who never failed to solve a case, besides we have no other useful suspects besides Light.
But what would happen when there'd seemingly be holes in L's theory? When Light was being monitored on camera in his house, he was doing homework and not watching TV while criminals who's names and faces were broadcasted started dying. If Light is Kira, how is he able to do something like that? In canon, L never learned how Light pulled this trick off, therefor, had we been watching this from L's point-of-view, we wouldn't have known either.
Thankfully then Misa would appear, and once we learn that her DNA is on the tapes sent by the second Kira, this would strengthen our hunch that L is right.
But then Light would even turn himself in, saying that "maybe I'm Kira but unaware of it", and the solitary confinement would begin. After a few days, this young man starts panicking and saying he must have made a mistake and that he is clearly not Kira. He seems incredibly genuine, even L is taken aback.
A little bit into solitary confinement, criminals start dying again. But L still refuses to let Light and Misa go. L imprisoned two teenagers, one of whom has barely any proof he has any connection to Kira, and the other is detained in a questionable way, making her scared and believe a perverted stalker has kidnapped her. All this, while L is still insisting to keep them confined against all reason. Only allowing the confinement to end if Light's father pretends to shoot him, just so L can test out his theory.
In short, L would be extremely unlikable during so many points in the story. The only reason why many ppl currently can't process the fact that L is a very immoral character, is due to us knowing that Light is guilty. But had the story been told like this, we'd have to consider the possibility that L could be wrong, and that he's essentially traumatizing two innocent young ppl over nothing.
During the Yotsuba arc, we finally get to see what Light is like. And it appears people's descriptions of him were right. He's an upstanding, caring young man with a strong moral compass and sense of justice.
He's been put through hell and back, 50 days of solitary confinement, having to live through the horror of having his own father pretend to shoot him and now being chained 24/7 to the same detective who made him go through all that. And he is still doing his best to be being patient and understanding. While L is moping over the fact his deduction could be wrong. No, actually he's moping over the fact that he has no way of proving his deduction is right, and is refusing to let go of his innitial theory, even though people are dying!
Throughout the arc, L and Light interract and Light consistently has the moral highground. And by the time the Yotsuba group appears and is comfirmed to have involvement with Kira in some way, I do think the audience would start genuienly doubting L.
Perhaps Light really was just at the wrong place at the wrong time, perhaps everything really had just been a coincidence and Light really was an innocent young man who didn't deserve to go through any of this.
When Higuchi is caught, I think it really would have felt like a triumphant moment.
I know that L lied through his teeth when he called Light his best friend. I do not think he considers Light a friend. But he definately considers Light someone he respects in many ways, both on an intellectual level but also personal intrigue. Light always intrigued L, from the moment the man heard him speak.
I don't think L doubted his hunch that Light is Kira for a second. I also don't think L wanted Light to be anything but Kira.
But I do think L (at least anime L), felt like he lost something when Light reverted back to Kira.
Light was never his friend, but he could have been. Losing a human connection you had that could have potentially become a real genuine friendship with someone you relate to, find interesting and consider your equal, would be upsetting to anyone. (Don't get me wrong though, if Light wasn't Kira, L would have thrown a pissy-fit, but two things can be true at once) I know L is a person who doesn't crave or desire emotional connections or any connections really, but he's still a person at the end of the day.
Finally they uncover the murder weapon. A Death Note, a small black notebook that can apparently kill people. After L gets hold of it, he sees the monster attached to the notebook, a shinigami. They are real after all.
Finally, Light gets his hands on it. And screams louder than anyone else.
And in that moment, L realized that Light is once again Kira.
Ok, I know the manga and anime diverge during episode 25. The anime adds a lot more extra content to the story that wasn't present in the manga. But I adore episode 25 (it's just a hauntingly beautiful episode, I love how it's directed, even if it's clearly different from the rest of the show), so I will go with what happens in the anime version.
Kira is back.
There's only two things that can happen from here.
Either Light is going to be arrested, or L is going to die.
L is acting irrationally this episode. Perhaps he's afraid to die. Perhaps he's afraid of what will happen when Light is arrested, and what emotions that might stir in the detective. Either option is scary on its own. His ears are ringing from the bell. A bell only he is able to hear it seems.
Light finds him on the rooftop in the rain. In a last ditch attempt to form any sort of human connection, L rambles to him nonsensically, finally asking Light if he's capable of being truthful.
Light lies again. He always lies. L smiles to that. They are both lying monsters.
They go inside to wipe themselves clean. And have a suprisingly gentle, human moment. We don't know what's going through their minds, just like in the original. But this care and tenderness shown between them, we can buy it being genuine.
Perhaps Light really isn't Kira. Maybe L's paranoia and suspicion have rubbed off on us.
The moment is interrupted when Watari calls L informing him that the plans to test out the Death Note have been made. If this is done, there's a possibility Light's innocence will once again be called into question.
L announces his plan in front of the taskforce.
And suddenly everything goes red. L is calling out to Watari, not able to reach him as the old man is withering in pain.
In an instant, all the computer screens around them change, spelling out the words: "ALL DATA DELETION".
Watari is dead.
L tries to give out orders and suddenly a sharp pain pierces his chest. He drops the spoon he's been using to eat with, as he falls from his chair.
Light catches him, gently holding him in his arms as L stares into the young man's face.
A face that distorts into a mocking sadistic grin.
All this time. He had been right. He was right all along.
His eyes close and the show ends.
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BAU team X Child reader
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! This is a special oneshot because I love Halloween also this is finished and posted a little later than Halloween because I haven't had time to write it.
Summary: 5 year old Y/N loves Halloween and gets the team to dress up with them.
Third person pov...
Little Y/N L/N loved Halloween, every year they dress up as something else this year they plan to be an FBI agent like their family the BAU.
The child was so excited Halloween was around the corner. The five year old had been counting down the days until candy, costumes, and all the thrills and chills of this special day.
Currently thr 5 year old was getting ready in their room, they had a badge, sunglasses, fake gun and was wearing a suit like Hotch does, he was their hero.
Once the child was ready their Mum dropped them off and they walked into the building and walked in, when they got through the reception desk and up to the floor with the BAU on.
The child git out of the elevator and walks into the Bullpen where the team were, as they walk in they see Spencer, Derek, Emily and JJ all chatting at Spencers desk, they hadn't noticed the 5 year old walk in just yet.
Smirking the kid hides behind the desk opposite Spencers and spies on the 4 adults trying and failing to hide their laughter.
JJ stopped talking when she heard a childish giggle, she then motions towards the desk opposite Spencers holding her hand over her mouth to stop laughing.
The rest look and see a tiny bit of H/C hair, Morgan then Smirks and quietly leaves the group and makes his way behind the Reids desk and creeps up behind the child.
When he's behind then he looks up around at the rest of the team who are all trying to hide their smiles but failing, the man then grabs the child and throws them over his shoulder making them squeal.
"You little! Trying to sneak up on us" laughed Derek as he mercifully tickled the 5 year old, their laughter was so loud that the other Agents stopped to look at what the common was.
Even Hotch and Rossi came out if their offices, but begin smiling at the sight of Y/N L/N thrown over Derek's shoulder laughter their head off as the man tickled them.
Tears of laughter ran down the 5 year old face as Derek finally stopped hid attack and set the kid down on the ground, still laughing Y/N tries to get their breath back.
The child glares at Derek who jsut smiles and ruffled the kids hair, this made Y/N huff and try and fix it themselves. Then JJ approached the kid.
"Hey N/N, did you need something?" She asks the kid, Y/N became nervous and fiddled with their fake gun. "I was wondering if you wanted to go trick or treating with me?" They asked almost shouting it.
This made the team surprised but all smiled at the child. "Of course we would love too!" Yelled Emily, grabbing the child and swinging them into her arms, everyone else had identical smiles even Hotch.
From Emily's arms Y/N was grinning. "Yayyy" they exclaimed enthusiastically, once they were put down again Y/N patted their jacket down.
Soen then spoke up, he had been analysing what the kid was dressed as but couldn't tell he had an idea but had to confirm.
"Y/N, are you an FBI agent?" He asks, the child turns to him and grins nodding their head. "Yep I am can you guess who?" They ask, the team them begin thinking at who they could be.
From the suit to the red tie to the incredibly familiar face the kid was making it was easy to guess who. "Its Bossman right!?" Exclaims Penelope waving her hand around excitedly.
Y/N grins. "Correct! I'm Hotch, Wheels up!" They say doing a pretty good impression of said man making Hotch smile they did look like him.
The team laughed a spot on impression. "You guys have to dress up as well!" Exclaimed the kid, 6 hours later the team and child are standing outside in costumes going trick or treating.
Y/N was so ecstatic when they saw everyone in their chosen costumes;
Penelope is a Fairy and looks all mystical and pretty, she had glitter everywhere from her skin to her outfit, she also had wings on the back and had amazing make up on.
Derek dressed like a strong man from a circus, he had a foam bar bell with him and was wearing shorts and a tank
Spencer was dressed like Sherlock Holmes of course with the deer hunter hat and pipe.
Emily was a Vampire with fangs and fake blood everywhere to Y/N she looked awesome.
JJ was a Zombie, ripped clothes and green skin, Penelope helped both woman do their make up.
Rossi got forced to dress up as well, he was a Skeleton he has let Penelope paint half a Skeleton on his face and had Skeleton hands.
Hotch was the hardest to dress up but he gave in when Y/N gave him their 'puppy eyes' he dressed as a Pirate using his hat from highschool.
Y/N was smiling so happy that they all dressed up like their asked. Soon they were dragged all around town, trick-or-treating with an energy that was only matched by their excitement. Everyone had a spook-tacular time, enjoying all the candy, but more importantly, spending quality time with Y/N.
Y/N was more than happy to play the role as an FBI agent and chasing after 'unsubs' which were the team, Rossi made sure to get lots of pictures for them all to have as memories from the night.
At the end of the night, everyone was tired, but happy. Y/N thanked them all for making their Halloween even more special, reminding them of the power of dressing up and having fun.
The team love the kid and could never say no to them, they each have a copy on a group photo they askes a parent to take of them, all smiling and posing like their characters for it.
Y/N couldn't wait for next year's Halloween.
The end!
Hope you liked this oneshot so sorry for the grammar and Spelling mistakesand for not updating as much I'm pretty busy with classes but I will try and squeeze a couple in everything week or so.
Request are open
Word count: 1115
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eydi-andrius · 8 months
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His Point of View (Gojo Satoru x Reader)
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A Sequel to Side Characters End Up Alone
a/n: I'm really sorry that it took a while but I feel much better now to write for angst. I hope this is worth the wait. Thank you lovelies! Again, I appreciate likes but comments and reblogs makes me feel well-loved.
cw/tw: pure angst, unrequited love, pov of the person who was confessed to, from love to despise, probably unexpected pov but I gotta write it, may upset some audience but I have been thinking of this as canon in this story
divider: @/cafekitsune
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summary: Gojo knew how precious you are in his life. You are his greatest confidant, his other half and someone to whom he can never live without. However, no one ever told him how to handle a situation wherein his childhood best friend is truly madly deeply in love with him but he only sees her as his friend
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The once cute white squared beads of letters that used to spell his name and yours, sewn together as proof of your long lasting friendship, was now across the floor of the dim parking lot.
He could barely see some of it. The place was illuminated by the yellow, almost dying light of the old light post. It buzzes and flickers as it does its best to give light. The dim colour makes his head hurt more. It was already throbbing when you went to pick him up, but after running after you, the feeling intensified, like splitting his head in half.
However, the blur in his eyes from the pain did not mask how worn out those beads were. He can see the first letter of your name, rolled near his shoe. He bent down to pick it up and raised it, to see clearly on the only source of light. It looks old, yes, but it is well-kept, polished even. As if someone had smoothened it for years…..because she cares and truly treasures this childish gift he gave to her once upon a time.
Gojo closed his eyes and breathed deeply.
Long ago, when you confessed to him, he didn't know what to do. There were only two of you behind the school, you were fidgeting, scared and a pale mess, as you shared your heart out to him. Confessing the supposed to be beautiful truth, but at that moment, can either create something new or break something perfect, that you both had established together for a long time.
Surprised, unprepared and confused, all he did was stare at you, mouth agape. His world stopped, not expecting that you feel that way towards him. How…No one ever told him what to do at this moment. He felt trapped and his mind was swirling, trying to think of the best words to reply, the best course of action to do when your childhood best friend confesses to you. He was overloading and for a long time was just wide-eyed staring at you.
Probably, when you realised he wasn't going to reply, you felt embarrassed and humiliated so you chose to run away from him. During that time, Gojo found that his voice was working as he called out to your small frame, slowly vanishing from view.
You two did not talk about it until after three days. After he had a conversation with Geto. He helped him realise his feelings, for he thinks Geto was really wise for his age. And he is wise and provided good advice. He made Gojo feel confident enough to share his true feelings to you and that was him loving you as his precious friend, nothing more, nothing less.
Gojo wished that at that time he realises that Geto was just the same age as him, and no amount of good advice will come from a person whose life experience were in equal to him. If he knew right there and then, he would have let the friendship go and freed you of the burden of loving him. In that way, you would have been happy. In that way, you probably would have found someone to whom you deserve. Someone who will love you, more than you loved him.
But he was young, foolish and scared about the what ifs. What if you were the best he could ever have in this lifetime. If he lets you go, what if he will never have you anymore? He was scared to be alone. A selfish brat.
And so like a fool, when you pleadingly asked to keep the friendship, he agreed and continued acting the same.
It worked out for a while, until he started having feelings for other girls. Your eyes. God! Your eyes cannot lie at all, it screams your feelings like an open book being read out loud. Doe-eyes stares at him, openly hurting and in pain. It made him go crazy, insane even, affecting his relationships and becoming a toxic partner to some.
Of course, those weren't your fault. It was his. That was his relationship, not yours. However, there was a slitter in his gut, he used to ignore it, until its ugly head showed its face and he openly hated you for destroying his connections.
He was resentful and he admits, he does things to see you suffer. You did that to him!
Of course he knew he was wrong and stupid but he cannot stop the feeling of pure hatred every time beautiful things were ruined in his life because you existed.
You were his blessing but he made you his curse.
Opening his eyes, he stared at the dark sky. The moon was nowhere to be seen but a lone star twinkles beautifully, claiming the sky for itself. His blue orbs twinkled as he stared at it.
He cannot help but smile. It was a true smile. A smile of someone who was relieved. Of someone with a thorn in his chest for years, finally plucked out, relieved of the pain. Finally, your curse was over. The curse he implanted by his side was over.
If someone hears his thoughts tonight, they will probably hate him. But he doesn't care about them.
He was just so happy that now ... .now it was finally over.
He loves you, he cares about you but he cannot deal with your hurt anymore. None of your hurt was his fault. He was torturing himself for years and now, it was truly done.
Feeling the hot tear running down his face, he laughed. It was full of mirth. He is thankful, grateful even.
He wishes you the best as he clutches the only bead he picked up, close to his chest.
He treasures you but he also treasures the distance you now gave him. He cannot wait to finally start his life over.
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diacripticcomplex · 3 months
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[This is probably the only light hearted story I will ever do, obviously this is not a smut, just light hearted vibes]
Yui’s POV:
My first day as a private teacher in a wealthy academy, I was honestly so shocked that I even got this job but nonetheless I am grateful. When I was younger I always thought I would become a nun, growing up in a church I thought it was the most suited path for me, but one day my father and the rest of the Church elders granted me with an opportunity, to teach a bunch of young children in a private academy, my room and board would be taken care of and it was a well paying job, I did not care much for money but I did like helping charities with the money I already have so this would help me in that aspect.
It was the first day I spent the last 2 weeks decorating the classroom. These children are all around the ages of 9-12. They were very young, I hope to teach them kindness and compassion, I remember when I was first given this class, the neighboring teachers made remarks about the incoming students saying they were all rich, evil, selfish demons. I hope that is not the case, but even if it is, they're just kids they can easily be taught something new and unlearn wrong.
I was on a little chair, putting up a banner. It might be somewhat cheesy but I thought it was adorable. "Ha! What a lameeee banner." a childish voice shrieked mockingly. I turned my head slightly and saw a boy, he had spiky red hair at its ends, he had lively green eyes that look just like a cat's eyes, they were adorable but he already seemed like a nightmare. "Are you a student in this class?" I ask him to try to redirect his comment. "Yep, I'm the great Ayato Sakamaki!" he said, his confidence through the roof, his energy was up there but refreshing. Sakamaki, looking at the attendance I noticed there were quite a few Sakamaki boys in this class, perhaps they were all related? "Ayato, do you have any siblings?" I asked him, he nodded, then started to name them all whilst counting with his fingers. "Kanato, Laito, Shu, and Reiji..oh and Subaru but I haven't met him yet." he explained, which confused me, he has a brother who he hasn't met yet..? "Woah~ Look at this class Kanato, it's nice and colorful and we have such a cute teacher, hello Teacher." Two boys entered the classroom, the one with emerald green cat-like eyes spoke. I smile warmly at the boys. "What are your names?"I asked them, looking towards the boy with the purple hair more, he had an interesting safety teddy bear, it was so cute. The boy with emerald green eyes spoke however in his stead. "I am Laito and this is my brother Kanato, oh I see you already met Ayato, we are all triplets." Laito states, I keep these things noted, just in case it was a part of my training. "Can I sit already?" Kanato asks, I smile and nod at him. "Yes of course, find the seat with your name on it." All 3 of them go to their assigned seats. I feel bad they were all so far apart from each other but they will be able to hang out during lunch break.
"Subaru, this is the classroom." I heard some way say with such a formal tone his voice when I looked at him was just a kid, he had raven hair and glasses, next to him was a shorter boy with pale skin and hair, eyes red like blood, and a taller blonde boy who looked like a prince. The boy with glasses looked right at me and bowed his head slightly. "Ahh that's not needed, please find your assigned seats." I told them and I noticed the raven haired boy went to the seat of Reiji, he sat right next to Ayato. They did not look alike at all but they had the same last name and Ayato did say these were his siblings. The seats of Subaru and Shu were sat in as well, they were right next to each other. “Ayato, these are all of your brothers?” I asked him, he nodded. “I guess so, you must be Subaru, what’s up?” He shouted from across the room. Subaru looked at him and his cheeks flushed slightly then he looked away, I still didn’t understand why he said it like that. “Um Ayato, I’m confused how come you never met Subaru…even though you are brothers?” I asked him. But before he could speak the blonde prince looking boy named Shu spoke “you clearly never heard of half siblings..dimwit” he said harshly, woah kids really can say crude things sometimes.
A few more boys came in, 4 came in at the same time they clung to each other. “We’re the Mukami siblings, nice to meet ya teacher~” a spunky blonde haired boy exclaimed. I liked his enthusiasm. “Please take your assigned name seat” I tell them in a welcoming tone and they do do. It was an interesting dynamic. Reiji, Ayato and the boy Ruki said in a desk row together, Shu, Subaru, and a boy named Yuma all sat together, Kanato sat next to Azusa, he had strange marks on him I hope everything is okay at home… and Laito and Kou sat together. Supposedly there was supposed to be 3 more students perhaps they were lost..? When I started to lose hope, 3 boys came in one had long white hair and the other short spiky strawberry blonde they both had similar eyes, they must be brothers, and the boy without a last name Kino, he refused to sit in his assigned seat.
“Welcome students my name is Ms. Komori, I will be your teacher for the year, it’s a pleasure to meet you all.” I say warmly. The silence was killer…”hm let’s start with an ice breaker, everyone say their name and something they like to do, I’ll start my name is Ms. Komori and I like to read.” I say, causing some of them to scoff and snicker. “How lame, I’ll go now! My name is Ayato and I like to win cause’ I’m the best at everything!” He says, I couldn’t help but notice this kid has some serious narcissistic tendencies. The next boy went “My name is Sakamaki Reiji and I enjoy reading as well, but I prefer to conduct experiments.” He states, well he will definitely like the science projects I have planned then. “I’m Mukami Ruki, I like reading as well.” He says briefly, I noticed him holding a book. “Oh what book is that?” I asked him, he looked dead at me and said it wasn’t my business…okay then.
“Laito here, pleasure to meet you Miss Bitch, my favorite thing is to watch girls change” when he said that my eye twitched a little, he’s like 10 years old saying things like that…what on earth is wrong with this child..? “I’m Kou, I like to dance” he says, I smiled at him. I think Kou would like the talent show aspect I have planned for the future. “Azusa…I like pain…” the next boy said. “Okay I think we have to talk about this briefly, you shouldn’t like pain it is not a good thing” I tell him, he looks at me confused.
“Alright kids, ice breaker is over, don’t be upset I’m sure we will all get to know more about each other, for now I want to focus on this lesson. You all need to understand that pain is never a good thing, in life we must do good things to make other people feel happy and comfortable, hurting ourselves does damage both in the heart and the mind.” I say and point to both my heart and mind. “Father didn’t tell us our new teacher was a simpleton human…” Reiji said to Ayato, causing all the boys to snicker. These kids really are something else….
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film-in-my-soul · 8 months
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Oh for Bingo can I get Outsider POV IceMav? 🥰
.⋆。°✩ Carole eavesdrops but only because she loves her friend. ✩°。⋆.
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Pete thinks he's slick. He thinks that his late-night phone calls and dashes out to the mailbox when he's off deployment are sneaky and well concealed, but Carole Bradshaw didn't spend years hiding boyfriends from her daddy not to recognize the same tactics when they were waving right in front of her face.
At first, she ignores it, giggles behind her hand when Pete's not looking, ruffling Bradley's hair when he mimics her. There's no harm, she figures, in letting Pete keep his sweetheart to himself. He's never been shy before when it comes to love, but maybe, she thinks, he's growing up a bit, learning to slow it down when it matters. All Carole cares about is that he's happy, and by the way he can't quite keep the color out of his cheeks or the stars out of his eyes when she spots the edge of a letter or hears the soft whispers of a hushed phone conversation, he is.
The more she hears, though, the more she really looks, the more she realizes that maybe it's not because Pete's trying to be quiet about this thing he's got going on. It might just be because he has to.
As much as it's Pete's home when he's stateside, Carole doesn't try to tiptoe around her house; privacy is never a guarantee. Still, when she's up getting water or just needs to go outside and breathe in the chilly night air to chase away some stray tears sleeping in her half-filled bed leaves her with, she can't help stumbling on Pete tucked around the corner of the kitchen, phone cord stretched around to give his hiding place away.
He doesn't always see her, and she doesn't let on that she's there. In these moments, they're just two boats passing in the night. It doesn't mean that she can't hear, though, and try as she might not to listen, well... she doesn't get much gossip at the Post Office.
Pete's voice is even, a little tired given the hour, but more lovesick than stricken, so what little guilt might have clung to Carole if this had been one of the bad times when Pete needed whoever was on the other end isn't there.
"They're keeping you out there for another week?" He sounds positively anguished, and Carole sees the edge of Pete's foot kick out all discontent. There's no doubt it's his mystery girl. Pete doesn't even get that childish when Bradley steals the last strip of bacon. It makes Carole stifle a snort as she tries her best to open the back door without setting off its telltale creak.
She wonders if maybe Pete's girl is on a carrier somewhere, a secretary or something like that...
"But you're still gonna make it for Christmas, right?" He sounds hopeful, and then he lets out a chuckle so light and fond that it twists up Carole's heart in the best way.
"Look, I know you don't celebrate, but I still want you here." A pause. "Carole won't mind. I'll come up with somethin' to tell her."
Carole's brow furrows, and for a moment, she wants to speak up because Pete has to know that she wouldn't tell him he couldn't bring someone around for the holidays, especially if it's-
"Ice," Pete says with a sigh, and Carole feels her entire brain turn a bit on its axis, realization slipping into place between her wide-eyed slow blink as he continues, voice still soft, "It's not gonna be like that. And you know," his tone brightens. Carole feels that twist again, deeper somehow, "I've always been pretty good at thinking on my feet." Pete tappers off with a laugh, one Carole's heard more and more as the months have drifted by. Now she knows why, now she understands, and even though the tears had dried up when she'd walked down the hall, they're threatening to fall again for a hundred different reasons.
She leaves Pete to his call, then manages to slip out the backdoor without a hint of old wood croaking for attention and looks up to the sky.
Slowly, a smile pulls the corner of her mouth up as the stars blink down on her. The more she lets the understanding stew in her thoughts, the more she finds nothing changes. A part of her, somewhere deep, for a moment in the stillness of her brain making the connections between Pete's secrecy and the reasons why, had been worried something might. Because hoping you act or feel some way in the face of the unknown and��knowing is different, and she's glad to know she's not any way she doesn't want to be when it comes down to it. When it's important.
And in the morning, if she passes Pete the last strip of bacon and asks him if he might be wanting to bring someone around for the holidays since it had just been them the last time he was on the ground, well, she's just thrilled when he says, cheeks going hot and eyes sliding away, that maybe he just might.
Ficlet Bingo!
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wangxianficrecs · 1 month
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places under the sky by narie
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🔒 places under the sky
by narie
T, 17k, Wei Wuxian
Summary: Wei Wuxian braces himself for what might come next, the story of how this man died by the Yiling Patriarch's hand—at Nightless City, at the Burial Mounds, as the rest of the sects tried to bring that great villain to account. "What was his name?" Uncle Gan sits back, twiddles his thumbs as he thinks. "Well, it'd be Wei something, of course." "Wei Changze, wasn't it?" chimes in a new person, and if anyone agrees or disagrees, Wei Wuxian does not hear them. His wine bowl slips from his grip and the sudden clatter of it barely registers over the unexpected sounds of his father's name. Wei Changze, slipping so careless from a stranger's mouth here in small Taozi, here of all places under the open sky. Wei Changze. - Wei Wuxian meets his grandmother. No, not the immortal one. The other one. Kay's comments: The first comment under this story just read "Oh. Oh. This was heart breaking" and yeah. I couldn't have said it better. Absolutely heart-breaking, devastating and sad, but like in the best way possible. Not a happy story at all, but instead one that leaves you feeling as if your heart has been clawed open. The Untamed canon where Wei Wuxian accidently meets his grandmother, on his father's side of the family, during his post-canon travels, while he pines away for Lan Zhan. Surprise grandma, but he can't bring himself to burden her with the truth of who he is and so simply introduces himself as Mo Xuanyu. Excerpt: "Did your sect know they had a son? He was born here, in this house. Little a'Ying," she adds, effortlessly, thoughtlessly, smiling at him. The name in her mouth is unfamiliar, a warped version of those that have claimed him before. A'Ying is a child's name, the most childish of them, and although of course it's supposed to be his, he doesn't recall ever having been that. He's been a'Xian to shijie, to Uncle Fengmian sometimes, and he is Wei Ying to Lan Zhan now, nothing else. It's not a name he owns, and he does not like the way it lingers in the small space between them: innocent, untroubled, unaware, reaching for him and offering to tie him to this place. It's instinct to look away to avoid it, to busy his hands and his gaze with his teacup, to reach for the final cake. Yet he can't stop his hearing from betraying him, he can't not hear Zhang Rufen as she continues, "They always took him with them when they went wandering, all three of them were very stubborn. I used to tell Chang'er to leave the boy here with us, but neither he nor his wife would hear of it. He would not have been so much to feed, and we were doing better by then, we could have used another pair of hands to help with the orchards as he grew up." There it is again, this possibility, this other life, offered to him with fully unhesitant regard. He tries to avoid it, but it unspools in front of him, so bright and clear, almost tempting: the seasons, the harvest, the river, the cool moist soil settling under his nails and around them, working its indelible way into every groove of his fingers, a different sort of ink. Tending life, instead of rending it. A good life. Maybe it would have suited a'Ying, whoever that boy would have become.
pov wei wuxian, post-canon, the untamed compliant, the untamed, rogue cultivator wei wuxian, canonical character death, grief/mourning, closure, sad wei wuxian, wei wuxian has a family, funerary rites, family dynamics
~*~
(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)
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starsailorjannystan · 4 months
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in which you’re Kise Ryōta’s best friend, forced to watch him disintegrate before your eyes, his teeth growing sharper, his laughter going higher and his smiles getting faker. your friendship is one of the things you value most in your life. unbeknownst to you, he wants to ruin it.
long one-shot, alternate pov cheerleader!reader light angst, fluff, pining mellow, anime!kise because i’m delulu of his manga version (at least in this fic)
“What? What is it? Intimate? Private? Personal? But what are friends for, if you can’t talk to them about what really matters?  All these nights we spent talking together… How could you? How?”
The Name, Matthieu Delaporte and Alexandre de la Patellière
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You’ve known Kise Ryōta for as long as you could breathe.
Technically, you can’t remember your first meeting, since you were both in glass cribs in a Tokyoite hospital, blissfully unaware of the summer heat, but just as you were neighbours as babies in the maternity ward, you were neighbours as little toddlers in the sandbox, and neighbours as children, waving to each other from your window.
Then you had your first significant meeting in a gym. His elder sisters were taking ballet classes on the upper floor, and you were stuck together during stretching exercises in your rhythmic gymnastics class. You had offered your name, he had offered his, and it had been the childish equivalent of blood-brothering yourselves to each other.
Since then, you had been glued at the hip, like conjoined twins (without the unfortunate medical complications, of course), and people were more surprised to find you on your own than with each other.
You had followed Kise in every sport endeavour he had undertaken, from swimming to baseball, from gymnastics to volleyball, cricket to soccer, short-track and figure skating and cycling, and you watched as each time he mastered a sport and gradually grew bored with it, while you got into cheerleading in third grade and never regretted that decision. You waited for each other at the end of the school day, him on whatever sport activity had struck his fancy at the time, you running drills with the cheer squad, and you always stopped for drinks on the way back home, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Your parents never minded the fact that your best friend was a boy, because they had known Kise since he was little too, and you weren’t short of girlfriends thanks to the cheer squad. Though one day you had come back home crying, and your mother had gone into full mama bear mode, until you told her Kise had choked on a bone fish at lunch. You had never been so scared in your life and you had really thought he was going to die. Your father offered to sign you up for first aid classes, and you had dragged Kise with you.
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Middle school had been the first time you were separated. You went to Teikō Junior High, while Kise joined Teikoku Junior High, a school known for its invincible soccer team.
You made the mistake of briefing him on Teikō’s basketball team. To this day, you still don’t know if you forgive yourself or not. But in the end, you’ve decided that time in your lives had been necessary, and your relationship hadn’t been broken to the point where you couldn’t mend it.
Kise had taken on modelling, and as always you had been as supportive as possible, secretly hoping he would stick to it, that he had finally found a hobby that would keep his interest. He had wanted to get his ears pierced, because it would make him look cool, and you had decided against telling him that earrings could cause accidents. Two girls on your squad had been practising back tucks, and one had accidently caught the other's loop earring while spotting her, and you still remembered her shrill scream and all the blood that had dripped on the mat. However, you had had your own ears pierced a while ago as a birthday gift from one of your aunts, and you had noticed the way Kise looked at your ladybugs pendants. You had always done everything together, maybe he was feeling like he was missing out on an experience. So all in all, you hadn't thought it would be a bad idea, all things considered.
Hoo boy, were you wrong.
You had ended up in a café, sharing a tiny strawberry shortcake because you were both on a diet thanks to your demanding activities, and Kise was still sniffling over the pain of the piercing. You had left Claire's with him clutching his left ear, and your endless stream of comforting words had sort of calmed him, but he had refused to pierce his other ear. You had stopped on your way to buy disinfectant, and, without his knowing, a pair of small ring-like silver earrings. And, over the half-eaten shortcake, you had offered him an earring.
"You know, I think you'll look even cooler with only one. It's a style and I'm sure you'll rock it!"
He had looked up from his spoon, eyes still a bit watery, but glinting with hopefulness.
"You think so?"
"Of course! Here, take it."
You had made sure his wound was clean, and you had slid in the earring's pin. Then, you had slipped the other earring on your right thumb.
"Look, I'll keep it until you want to pierce your other ear. How about that?"
He had nodded, and both to change the topic and cheer him up, you had said:
"You know, my school has this incredible basketball program, and you haven't tried basketball yet, right?"
That's when everything started going south.
************************************************************************
You didn't mind being small.
Sure, sometimes you wished you would be a bit taller, mostly because you couldn't afford to gain weight, as on your frame it would show immediately and your coach would double your drills, but you knew that your small height was what allowed you to be top girl. You could back tuck into next year any girl on your squad, and any boy on the gymnastics club. Your kneecaps had been stunted by tumbling, but you didn't mind.
Except when Kise joined the basketball team and suddenly every person you hung out with was way, way, wayyyyyy taller than you.
Even Momoi, who didn't even play basketball, was taller than you.
At least none of them were jerks about it. Most of the time.
"Come on, stop sulking!"
"I'm not sulking!"
Aomine was easily the worst offender. At least purple-haired guy (Murasakibara? was that his name?) wasn't really mean about it. Plus he towered over everyone so you never took it personally. Aomine however always seemed to have fun asking you how the snails were faring today, since you were so close to them. You had no idea how Momoi managed to put up with him 24/7. Though it was true that with his negative 20 IQ thing going on half the time, Aomine was mostly manageable. You’d offered to tutor him, and had been blown away by how many subjects he was failing.
“I thought Kise was bad at school,” you’d said, ignoring your best friend’s theatrical pout, “but you take the cake.”
“What cake?”
“Go back to sleep, Murasakibara.”
(You haven’t seen Kise smile like that in a while. You’re not sure Teikoku was a great place.)
So you hung out with the first-string after practice, head still pounding with the pyramid counts, thighs bruised by the bottom bases’ grips, your shoulder still smarting, pain lancing through your arm. You tried not to throw up the ice-cream you bought, and you turned your head when Momoi touched your arm.
“What do you think about this app? It could be useful.”
You shook your head, looking up to the pink-haired girl.
“Once, I’ve entered Kise’s data in it—”
“You what—”
“And it told me he was three months pregnant. So, those apps are weird. You’re better off tracking it manually on a calendar.”
(The truth was, you didn’t know. You hadn’t had your period yet. None of the girls on your squad had—except Sachiko, and you’d never seen her again after the day you’d heard her crying in the bathrooms).
Momoi smiled, before catching sight of Kuroko and launching herself onwards like a rocket, earning little more than a deadpan look, though you could see the fondness under it.
But truly, you didn't mind, because for the first time in virtually forever, Kise looked genuinely excited about his new hobby. You thought that this time he really found companionship and stimulation. You smiled back at him whenever he turned to you in the bleachers after a successful shot, marvelling at the way he seemed to light up the whole court as soon as he stepped on it. His happiness was your happiness. So you'd never shown defiance towards the basketball team. You really hadn't thought that one through.
************************************************************************
You went shopping together because Kise had wanted a new phone and you were on your fourth store raid already. You didn't see anything wrong with his current phone, which still had on its back the Hello Kitty sticker you had given him when you entered middle school. Sure, it was peeling a little, but it was fine. Kise only asked for the phone's capacity and photographic quality each time, and off you were on your quest again. Munching on your fizzy drink's straw, you raised your head as he rushed towards you. Before you could ask him if he had finally found it, he slung one arm over your shoulders and told you to smile.
Heads bonking over the screen, you grinned at each other. You were both weak for selfies and your own phone didn't have any storage space left for them.
Kise made that one his lock screen picture, and turned fully to you.
"See, it takes pictures better than my eyes."
You had smiled, too, and you'd never questioned his enthusiasm over it.
************************************************************************
Kise's modelling activities had several perks.
For one, you got to meet so many hot people it should have been illegal. You could also get reductions on self-care products, and you were too cute to be broke, so you accepted it without problems. You even got to meet (well, stare at from afar) the photographer of your favourite girl group. Half the pictures on his Instagram account were taken by you, and thank cheer practice for flexibility, because you had to contort like a circus artist to get the best angle each time.
However, his fangirls weren't one of them.
Even though your relationship was strictly platonic, you still got some really hurtful letters and even texts (how did they even get your number?), and after a while you simply blocked them out. You had lost count of all the people trying to get to Kise through you, using you as a means to an end, and you just tried to screen the people that had vile intentions.
Though you could still see how it weighed on your best friend. He was nice and bubbly with everyone, and even if you worried about the mental gymnastics he had to do, you knew he wouldn't turn into a people-pleaser. A few days ago, you had snapped at one of your squadmates who had called him a "two-faced asshole" after being (quite politely, might you add) rejected.
And across from you, he had looked glumly at his (fishless) bento, and you had asked him what was wrong.
"There's this girl that keeps following me," he had sighed. "I tried to let her down but she's incredibly annoying. And clingy," he had grimaced.
Vaguely, you'd remembered a brown-haired girl who was always lingering at the basketball gym's door when you came after cheer practice to go home with Kise.
"So she's bothering you. Want me to go talk to her?"
"No! No, it's fine."
You knew he couldn't be blunt because it would come across as rude and the rumours would kill him. Still, it made your stomach churn with anger.
When the girl had latched onto Haizaki, as you comforted Kise after his crushing loss, you thought that at least it was one less thorn in his side.
************************************************************************
You had realised you were drifting apart at the end of your second year.
Cheer practice had been cancelled because your coach's kid was sick, and you were wandering aimlessly through the streets of the commercial district, half your mind on which high school you would have to go to.
And then you had crossed paths with Kise, who had looked like he was going in one of the glass-paned windows buildings, and you had stopped dead in your tracks. Not because he was where he wasn't supposed to be, but because he had seen you and smiled at you. You recognised that smile. It had the undercurrent of tension that was usually reserved for his fangirls, and it was directed at you.
"Shouldn't you be at practice?" you'd asked.
"Should I?"
That was how you'd known something was deeply wrong.
The basketball team wasn't exactly your friend group, since you hung out with the squad most of the time and without Kise, you didn't really have anything to say to them, except maybe for Momoi and Kuroko. And still you noticed how Aomine was nowhere to be seen, and even Midorima didn't bother with acknowledging you in the halls.
And worst of all, you'd watched Kise's eyes go back to being glazed over with boredom. Every time you asked him if he wanted to talk about it, and every time he reassured you, saying nothing was wrong.
Kise had never lied to you. He had always known all your problems and secrets, and you his.
Somehow, you felt guilty about what happened.
************************************************************************
Teiko was not known for its leniency when it came to sports practice.
Still, it was you who’d foolishly risen to the bait of your squad captain, and here you were on a Friday evening, shrugging icy water off of you hoping for feeling to come back to your toes, when you could have been at home already soaking in a bubble bath.
One good thing: nothing hurt anymore, since your limbs had fallen asleep. You could still catch the last train, so you made it out quickly, grabbing your bag. You walked stiffly to the exit, unwittingly going next to the basketball gym, ruining all your efforts.
(You hadn’t taken the challenge to prove anything to that empty-brained tumbler. You knew it’d hold you back enough so you could miss Ryōta on the way home and pretend it was club stuff. You’d been avoiding him and pretending not to notice his hurt looks. You were unravelling.)
So, that day, walking past the gym, steeling yourself not to look inside, you heard those words.
“Next time we see each other, we’ll be opponents.”
You sped up, almost running to the bus stop, your ankle smarting again after your short run had warmed up your body, heart beating to the confusing tune of hurt and longing.
You weren’t sure you could handle three more years like this.
************************************************************************
Sixteen and born to win, you hopped on the train right as the doors closed, slipping in without so much as a hair caught between the metal edges. Your nails flashed hot pink against the grey of your new uniform skirt, and your hair was tied neatly. You were ready to hit the mat before breakfast.
Of course, you dropped on a seat and immediately let your head fall against the window, catching up on your lost sleep.
Under your eyelids, you couldn’t stop your mind from flashing your phone’s black screen, Kise silent after you’d texted him you couldn’t walk to school with him because of club imperatives, your heart sinking a little in your chest. You couldn’t help but remember the knowing look Momoi had given you at graduation when you’d told her which high school you were going to. As if she were one to talk—you hadn’t made any comment when she’d said she would be going to Tōō! And anyway, it was either this or Shutoku, and you wouldn’t be caught dead on the same squad as your former cheer captain. That girl was going down this year or else.
High school was going to be a good time, you’d make sure of it. New place, new people new rules, new you.
************************************************************************
When Kise Ryōta was five years old, he learnt that little girls could bend in half.
He saw one of them do it, in the gym where his oldest sister had left him while she took her dance classes on the upper floor.
She had bent so far that, for a second, he had been worried she would snap in two.
He would never forget that moment—the moment he discovered what extraordinary meant.
He would never forget any of the moments that came after, when you had told him your name and became his friend at a time when he was so lonely it hurt.
 As you both grew up, he’d started to worry you would move on. Find someone better, someone more interesting. Someone truly gifted in something the way he wasn’t—copying is the lowest form of the wit, after all, or however the saying went.
Or maybe he would get bored of you. Get bored of seeing the same face day after day.
Unfortunately, as the years passed, he didn’t grow bored.
Kise discovered a new sentiment: frustration.
And you were painfully oblivious to it, wrapped up in your own worry.
************************************************************************
First-aid classes with you were horrible for his blood pressure.
Sometimes, the instructor felt merciful and let you practise on mannequins. Other times, the elderly man fancied himself a hotshot cardiac surgeon or something and forced you to practise on live bodies. “A mannequin can’t prepare you for the feeling of ribs breaking under your hands,” he had said, dead serious, with a dozen teens looking uncomfortable as hell.
You insisted on signing up every year in order not to forget the manoeuvres. He knew where that came from, and sure, if he was to choke on a bone fish again or go into cardiac arrest from a bad collision, there’d better be someone who knew the Heimlich manoeuvre and CPR. But if you were the one doing it? He was going to choke anyway.
You hovering over him, eyes on his mouth, gaze focused and jaw set? Yeah, every session was torture and you didn’t even notice. Were you even his friend? Did you even care a little bit about his feelings? How could you not feel the way his skin burnt under your fingers when you pulled him into a practiced recovery position?
As he drifted away from his own teammates, from the new passion basketball had kindled in him, he decided against telling you the only thing keeping him coming to practice was the thought of walking home with you.
************************************************************************
He didn’t have a clue most of the time.
Everything was fine, and then something switched. The day he started undressing you in his head—absent-mindedly, like it was nothing at all, like you weren’t his most precious friend, like he wasn’t unravelling the last thread of his reality—was the day he knew he was fucked six ways from Sunday. You were stuck in a push-and-pull with each other, and he didn’t know what to do.
It seemed Kise could not keep his friendships going smoothly.
You holding his hand or hugging him was never a problem before. He refused to spoil your relationship like with the other Miracles. On the other hand, throwing it all away was so tempting, the easy way out, burn all the bridges and pretend it never happened. If you had been someone else, he’d already have done it. But you were you. You were not some girl he could just toy with, speeding it up to get faster to the break-up.
On a good day, he would psych himself into trying to talk to you—and always failed miserably to follow through with his plan.
When you were younger, you’d hold sleepovers at his or your house, in the dark, by candlelight, giggling uncontrollably until his sisters or your parents came to scold you gently.
He appreciated candlelight even more now, some seven years later and several hours a day spent under the unforgiving blinding flash of a photographer’s camera. He liked the warm flickering glow of it, how the candle slowly died, and you’d agree on going to bed, but would end up talking again until either of you fell asleep. He liked catching glimpses of you in the dark, piecing you back together in his head, fragments of you in this soft glow haunting his dreams, and he'd wake up with strands of your hair in his dry mouth and his hands uncomfortably close to you and he'd go straight to the bathroom. Being overly enthusiastic at breakfast didn’t quite make up for it, unfortunately, and he’d pretend not to notice the question in your gaze.
At the height of summer, he gave up on faking indifference at the way your shorts rode up on your thighs, showing blue and purple bruises where you’d been gripped countless times, propped up by bottom bases for a pyramid. Lying on the grass, he tried to focus on your words despite the blood rushing in his ears, thinking about how much he wanted to make those bruises his doing, how he wanted to—
He came later and later when you were having sleepovers, photoshoots and practice eating away at his time, smiling sheepishly to your father working in the living-room, you were already half-asleep on your covers spread on the floor, near your open window, aquarium glowing softly purple, pump-pump-pumping water. Your eyes two bright spots on your lit-up face when you pulled gently on his sleeve to make him lie down next to you. He complied every time, exhaustion making his limbs weak. He tried to sleep and not think about how hard it was to not touch.
School was no respite for him. When he managed to hide from his fangirls, you spent the break stowed away, pressed against each other like when you were little, and life was a river under a rainbow. You leaned on his shoulder in the hallway, staying still until the motion-activated lights turned off.
You would both pretend everything was fine, and that this wasn’t the worst time of your lives.
************************************************************************
You looked at him but you failed to notice how he looked at you—how his gaze followed the hair catching at your mouth whenever you landed a tumbling pass, ponytail flipping, how he trailed close when you walked on railings by the road on the way home, how his breath hitched when you dismounted with an aerial walkover as if a car didn’t zoom past you at one hundred miles per hour, looking back at him and shooting him a cocky grin, how you were always confident and invested in a single thing, laser-focused on your passion.
The hardest thing in cheer was not the tumbling passes, or the pyramids, or the hours or the gruelling practices, the injuries or the rivalries. It was the smile hiding the lactic acid building in the muscles, it was the spring in the step on hardwood floor, the unfailing cheerfulness.
“Why do you like it?”
He’d asked one day, at the end of cheer practice, which for once had overrun basketball—they needed to prepare for regionals, especially with Shutoku’s squad firing on all cylinders on the circuit this year.
“I’m part of something,” you’d said. “I’m part of something and I don’t have to look at myself.”
After a moment, you’d asked:
“Why do you like basketball?”
He’d paused to really think about it for a minute, and realized he’d finally settled on an answer long ago. He just had to acknowledge it.
“I’m part of a team.”
************************************************************************
Highschool saw you fall into a tentative, sincere routine that was an attempt at going back to the way things were.
(When will you both admit things changed? You were waiting to see who would break first.)
You walked to and from school together. Ease came back as you stopped awkwardly greeting each other, picking up the conversation where you’d last left off without missing a beat, like before. It felt safe, comfortable.
You came to Kise’s games with a spring in your step, happy to see him interact with his teammates, happy to see that Kaijō was free of the currents of tension that had plagued Teikō’s last days.
You went back to your favourite hole-in-the-wall coffee shop, sharing food the way you used to. Everything clicked gradually back into place like synchronizing heartbeats, and even though you knew things would never be the same again, you did your best to make up for what happened, and he did too.
Maybe this was your way of apologizing. Maybe it was his, too.
“I think I need a new lock screen photo,” Kise said one day, gauging your reaction.
“Yeah, I think you do,” you answered.
You grinned at each other.
Things always looked up eventually.
************************************************************************
One second you were soaring in the air under the blinding lights of the stadium, so high, high, high up you could have sworn you touched the rafters, your whole body tight and arms crossed on your chest as you completed your flip, heart rattling against your ribcage partly because of the booming music and partly because of the sheer excitement you’d been feeling.
The next second, your head was meeting the unforgiving, hardwood, polished floor of the court, your squadmates desperately scrambling for you, painted nails scratching at your arms, thighs and waist, clutching and leaving crescent-shaped indents in your skin, and as you were propped upright, you felt sticky hot blood coating your forehead and hairline, and you blurted out: "Oh, that's not good."
The good side of things was that you didn't really feel the pain, since you were living an out-of-body experience. It had started when your squad got on the court, as always, your body slipping out of your mind's control to execute the choreography, the tumbling passes and pyramid beats, and even your injury couldn't jolt you back to reality. Adrenaline was still coursing through your veins, and the hallway was swirling a little. One of your squadmates was standing guard near the bench you sat on, trying not to lie down, and your coach had called an ambulance. You had started debating internally whether falling asleep and risking not waking up was worth it or not when you caught a blue and yellow blur at the periphery of your vision.
A split second later, two strong, callused hands softly cupped your cheeks and you tried to focus on the two worried brown eyes staring at you. It took three long seconds for you to piece it back together—pretty in blue, perfectly winged eyeliner and the hand that held your own when he  dragged you from mall to mall—your best friend was here.
You smiled brightly, though you weren't sure if your numbing body had followed the motion since Kise's brows furrowed further.
"Ryōta!" you chimed, your own voice sounding far away. "Is the match over?"
"It's still half-time. They're cleaning your blood off the court."
"Oh," you muttered, nodding in understanding, the movement sending pain flaring through your nerves, kind of bumped out Kise hadn't won yet, because then you would have headed out for celebratory drinks, and you knew you had to talk to him about something, but what? You were sure you had planned to talk…
You heard Kise calling out your name, and the edge of panic to his voice made you realise you’d been zoning out.
"Are you okay?"
As you tried to focus on his gaze and the feeling of his fingers on your cheeks, you caught sight of your squadmate beckoning your coach over.
"I'm perfectly fine," you beamed as you started falling over, the siren of the ambulance blaring painfully in your brain even from behind the stadium glass gates, blue and red lights flashing on your face, and your vision went black.
************************************************************************
Kise could barely focus on the rest of the match.
Of course, it didn't mean he threw it. He blazed across the court in his usual, miracle-curb-stomping-mortals fashion, but he was off, half out of it. Even though the team they were facing was nowhere near a threat to Kaijō, he knew Kasamatsu wouldn't have hesitated to drop kick him into next year were it not for the too-shiny spot near the half court line where you bled out. Okay, maybe there was no need to be dramatic about it but you'd been whisked away by an ambulance and even the cheer coach, who didn't blink at splintered shins and broken arms, had looked worried. Head injuries could be lethal in this sport. You weren't paralyzed or anything, but he remembered the dried blood near your hairline and your unfocused eyes, glazed over with pain and what was probably the beginning of a concussion.
After the game, he put his clothes back on in autopilot mode, wordlessly letting know Coach Takeuchi he was going straight to the hospital and not getting on the team bus.
The receptionist looked at him with downright unwarranted distrust when he told her he was waiting for you, and that you’d suffered a head injury.
“Let me guess: she fell down the stairs?”
Kise didn’t even know what to say to that, mind coming up blank with worry, and so simply went to sit between a sniffling child and a man who seemed fine despite the axe planted in his head. He belatedly remembered to text his manager he was not coming to the shoot after all.
His chest deflated with relief when he saw your coach step back out in the waiting room, with you right behind her, bandages hiding under your bangs. He sprung up, ignoring the eyes of the receptionist burning holes in his back, and waited until your coach had left you near your house before talking to you. The blood trickling from your forehead where you’d split skin had been spectacular but harmless, as you’d only suffered from a little head trauma. The hematoma would disappear in three weeks all on its own. His throat felt choked up with relief and all the unnamed emotions he’d let simmer during all those years.
You arrived in front of your apartment complex, street lights falling on the street walk, splashes of light on the dark pavement. Silence blanketed you while you were trying to muster the courage to talk.
At the same time, you both said:
“I’m sorry.”
Kise blinked. Sorry? About what? What even—why couldn’t he even apologize properly—
“I wasn’t there for you,” you said, feeling your eyelashes brush against your bandages. “I should have tried to help you instead of watching it happen.”
“What—no, no! I—”
Come on, get your shit together, Ryōta.
“I was avoiding you,” he finally admitted. “Because… I can’t be friends with you anymore.”
You were stunned into silence, coming to a halt before the steps leading to the entrance of the apartment complex. For a second, you convinced yourself you’d misheard. That you’d actually suffered a concussion and were hallucinating this whole part. That this wasn’t happening.
“It’s not because I don’t like you!” He scrambled to save the throw, trying to get all his thoughts out faster upon seeing the way you’d reacted. “It’s because I like you…too much.”
Kise bit on his tongue. He was messing this up. He was messing this up so badly. He felt so stupid, where was his casual flirtiness when he needed it, you would never talk to him again—
You silently hugged him tight, something you hadn’t done since middle school, and the air flew out of his lungs like you’d just punched him.
Humiliating tears pricked his eyes and he closed his arms around you, burying his nose in your hair, your game-day shampoo’s scent wrapping around him, and he found the strength to say, so quietly you could have not heard it: “I missed you.”
“I missed you too. I’m just glad you’re okay.”
Stupid, stupid you to worry about him when you literally split your head open. But it was true, wasn’t it? He didn’t need to be dragged to practice, you’d timidly gone back to hanging out together more often, and he found that he actually liked those Kaijō lunatics (though he still did not appreciate Kasamatsu’s cage fight skills).
“See you tomorrow?”
Kise reluctantly let you out of his arms, and nodded, heart swelling with relief. Relief, relief, relief. You still wanted to talk to him.
“See you tomorrow.”
You turned, but halted, one foot still lifted over the first step. Did your heart hurt? Did he need to call your parents? His hand went fishing for his phone in his pocket, set on dialling your mom’s number, but he went still when you turned again and took one step closer to him, your hand gripping his jacket, and he mindlessly bent down, eyes widening as you got closer and closer until your lips pressed against his.
Every coherent thought disappeared as his brain turned to mush, and he let out an undignified noise as your tongue anxiously, timidly slipped into his mouth. He’d become the embodiment of non-resistance, hands cupping your face as a wave of heat washed over him.
Then, as quickly as you’d started, you stopped and took a step back.
Kise distantly thought he was probably as red as Kagami’s hair, brain rewiring to produce full sentences again.
“See you tomorrow,” you said, with finality this time, smiling softly.
He nodded, watching you go inside.
He’d see you tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the day after that, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
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mrs-santoss · 1 year
Text
Our Secret - Neymar Imagine
Summary:
You and Neymar have been in a secret relationship for 1 year now, but the media doesn't know except for your close people. Everything is going great except the videos of him with his exes on your feed everyday.
I met Neymar during the most difficult period of my life. That's why I call him anjo, an angel. He pulled me out of the toxic environment I was living in. Our relationship has always been amazing since the first day we met. Our personalities fit very well together. He's very mature for a serious relationship, but still keeps his childish, funny guy part of him alive, and that's why I adore him. On the other hand, I'm a very positive person, I hardly get mad at stuff. I, too, am a very funny person.
I moved in with Ney two months ago. It's not like I felt a big difference since I spent most of my nights at his place anyway. I'm loving everything about us right now. Except for one thing.
We have to be very cautious when we're in public. We still haven't announced our relationship to the public yet. On one hand, I get Neymar, he wants to keep our relationship to ourselves as long as we can. But, on the other hand, this is making it difficult for me to go online and not see a post that would upset me. I'm not media trained, fame wasn't a part of my life before Ney.
Before Neymar started dating me, he had a very long relationship with Bruna. They were very much in love, which is why people want them back together. I never met her, but she seems to be a very nice and beautiful person. I hate to admit it, but that makes me feel kind of insecure about myself. I mean, I love myself. I work on my physical and mental state a lot. But, I can't just look pretty effortlessly, or laugh hard without making a weird noise. I don't show these insecurities to Neymar though. I don't want him to think less of me.
It was a Saturday afternoon, I just got out of a shower and did my skincare routine and I decided to watch a movie. I laid on our comfy bed and put the laptop on my lap, holding a bag of chips next to me. I decided to scroll on my social media before starting a movie.
That was a very bad idea. I ended up scrolling for 1 hour, before I put myself to sleep crying. I ended up ditching the movie and the snacks. My TikTok feed practically looked like a Neymar & Bruna fanpage. There were a lot of old videos of them kissing, hugging, during photoshoots and during some of Neymar's most important moments.
Neymar's POV:
We had training on Saturday, usually we never do. I was very exhausted from everything I couldn't wait to go home and crash on the bed with Y/N. Once, I stepped inside the apartment, I realized its was very quiet. Maybe she's in the bathroom.
"Bebê, I'm home!" I yell out to her, which she usually responds by running in my arms like a crazy person tackling us both to the floor. I love her for this.
I put my stuff on the floor and make my way to the bedroom. I crack the door open slowly and I see her laying on the bed sleeping with her back turned to the door. I decide to change into some comfy clothes and lay down with her.
Once I lay on the bed, I realize the laptop was open on the bed, a bag of chips was crushed under her and she has her phone on her hands. She must've fallen asleep with her phone.
I cracked a small smile and kissed her forehead softly. She looks likean angel.As I reached to kiss her lips, I could feel her wet cheeks. Was she crying before she feel asleep? When I first got here, I decided not to wake her up, but now I'm concerned, I want to talk to her.
"Bebê...Y/N. Can you wake up?" I shake her arm slowly.
She opens her eyes and mumbles something and shuts her eyes again.
"Y/N, amor. Are you okay? I ask her, now I'm very concerned, she looked tired.
She finally opens her eyes all the way and I can see her eyes are very red. I remove all the things from my way and lay next to her pulling her head on my chest.
"Amor, why were you crying? Did something happen? Can you talk to me, please?" I ask her while I'm stroking her head.
There was a 2-3 minute silence before I felt hot tears on my chest, she was silently crying. I sit up straight and move her head so I'm making eye contact with her.
“Amor, can you please talk to me? Did something happen?” I say to her softly.
“I…I’ve been seeing a lot of videos from your past relationship on my feed. You seem very happy and comfortable on those videos. It makes me wonder if you ever want to go back to what you had and…and end things with me” she says in a barely audible voice, her voice cracking in the end.
I kiss her forehead, nose, lips repeatedly. While wiping away her tears with my thumbs.
“Y/N, I love you so much. I adore everything about you. Your voice, your smile, your lips, you sense of humor, your butt, your smell, everything. Bruna was a big part of my life and she always will be, but that doesn’t mean I love her the same way I love you.” I say to her hoping she believes everything I say. I can’t see her sad of things like these. Especially, when they aren’t true.
“But why are people so obsessed of seeing you two back together? What if you wake up one day and decide you want that too?” she asks softly.
“Amor, people obsess over long relationship. You’ve seen that happen with a lot of famous people, right? I know once the get to see you, they will fall in love with you just like I did. As for me, I wake up everyday feeling blessed of having you by my side.” I say to her and I kiss her lips softly.
I lay down and pull her to my chest. We stay like that for a couple minutes, she seems to have calmed down completely. She lifts her head off my chest wanting to say something to me.
“There’s this movie I didn’t have the chance to see, are you in?” she asks while making a funny smile, making me laugh.
“Hahaha, of course, bebê. Let me go grab some chips real quick.” I stand up quickly, kiss her forehead and leave the room.
"You don't have to Neyyyy. I got them somewhere hereee!!" she yells from the bedroom.
"Noo, you don't!! Your fat ass crushed them on your sleep!" I say back to her from afar. She hates it when I use the word fat ass. I like it when she gets mad and says stuff like 'my ass isss normaal sizee', oh , god, I adore her.
"HEEYYY!!"
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kuroosdarling · 11 months
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FALLING OUT OF ORBIT — ༉‧₊˚.
ft. gojo satoru !
꒰ SYNOPSIS ꒱ : you and gojo have always had something going on; something more than friendship, but have never addressed it. for you, fear held you back. for him, it was the world.
꒰ CONTENTS ꒱ : MANGA SPOILERS !! set in canon universe, angst with ambiguous ending, a glimpse into both POVs — wc: 1k
꒰ NOTES ꒱ : said i wouldn’t write for gojo but then this concept came along and i ran with it. this is a lil diff than what i usually write tbh so please enjoy !! <3
reblogs and interactions are always appreciated ! (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.゚
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19 days. 19 days you’ve had to endure life without gojo by your side. without him constantly getting under your skin, trying to pry a smile out from it. you never thought you’d miss the childish behavior so much or how whiny he’d get when he didn’t get his way.
you never realized how much it helped you fight better, how it made you stronger. the glimpse of light during the dark moments was now gone and all you could do was suffer in the shadows. because when the brightest star burns out, all you’re left with is the empty wish that it’d come back.
if he was jupiter, you were europa. if you were the earth, he was your moon. always orbiting each other, suffocating each other with a heavy dose of gravity but never being able to touch. never able to collide due to the fear of the ripple effect it would undoubtedly cause.
a constant song that has you dancing around each other's feelings, skirting around the truth in fear that if the other doesn’t feel the same, gravity will snap. instead of orbiting each other, you’d launch out into the great abyss to face the unknown completely alone.
his infinity helped keep it from becoming a reality, drawing an invisible line that separated the two of you. not only distancing his physical body from yours, but using it effectively as a wall around his heart. tossing around flirtatious jokes here and there paired with an undeniably strong friendship was just enough to keep the rest of the feelings at bay.
at least for him.
because in those 19 days, he still managed to consume you. every moment spent trying to find a way to get him to come back to you no matter the cost. your mind only capable of thinking about him. him. him.
and when he finally returned, a part of you wished he hadn’t. the orbit was suddenly thrown off of its axis as gojo learned the truth about everything that happened in the last 19 days, his eyes never leaving yours as he grasped the new reality of the world.
and yet, your heart couldn’t stop chanting his name, claiming that anything could happen now. but reality was colder, the war ahead sinking itself into gojos skin and making its home there in your stead. he was always good at wearing his mask in front of the others, but you knew behind that teasing smile was a black hole ready to destroy everything around it.
there was one moment when you got close enough, your feelings about ready to overflow from your mouth and into his soul like a moth to a flame. but one look from him had it all retreating back deep within your heart, the flame extinguished without uttering a single word.
it was a look of dismissal, coated with an obscene amount of guilt. one that told you, “not now” and had your heart locking up the burning question of “then when?”.
but you knew gojo better than that. he needed to see this battle through before he could charge forward to his feelings for you that had long since been tucked away. all you had to do was wait for your orbit to resync, granting you a second chance and letting your love finally spark into a supernova.
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gojo knew that in this world, he wouldn’t be able to be with you. he couldn’t give you what you deserved, he had too much on his plate to do so. if he didn’t win the fight then he couldn’t change the world into one where he could properly be with you.
the weight of the world tirelessly rested on his shoulders. something he had grown up with and eventually grew into — the pressure always looming there.
it was heavy, pressing deep into his back with each step he took. it would never waver, never go away. he was forced to carry it with him no matter where he went and act like it didn’t affect him.
how do you keep moving with the weight of the world resting on you?
coming out of the box had been another tragedy in his life. the sudden reappearance of the ghost of his late best friend showing up, effectively catching him off guard and throwing him into a place he never wants to think about again. but everyone looked so relieved when they saw him reappear, looked up to him as some savior when all he wanted to do was take you with him and turn the other way.
it would be so easy for him to be selfish. to say “screw the world, im going after my own happy ending.” but no matter how many times he thought about it, or even how many times he could’ve easily changed his course, he stayed back; the weight on his back kept him firmly in place.
so, gojo kept up his usual facade, not wanting to worry everyone. but the truth was, he was tired. so very exhausted, the weight seeping deeper into his bones.
the day you came into his life was one of the best days and the worst. even geto had poked fun at him for how love struck he was. the times had been so simple back then. there were no heartbreaking betrayals, no looming threat that couldn’t have been taken care of with the simple snap of his fingers.
the weight of the world had been shared upon all of your backs. but once geto left, the weight had to be redistributed and he couldn’t bare the thought of you carrying any more than you had to.
maybe when the war was over he could hear what you had to tell him, what he’s been longing for this whole time. but with everything teetering on the brink of chaos, he needed to do this alone and tuck those selfish desires away.
so for now, he broke your heart and took all of the burdens of the world with him, holding onto the hope that you’ll one day forgive him.
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acotarfrustrations · 5 months
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An ongoing list of acowar grievances I'm keeping track of while I read (because there's too many to make a post about all of them)
1) Feyre's constant edginess. It's such a bizarre and ham-fisted shift in the voice of the character from the previous book. Too much tell, not enough show
2) "that they thought Rhysand could ever force someone . . . I added that to the long list of things to repay them for.".........lol OK girl
3) Feyre all of a sudden knowing how to use every power she has despite her very limited "training"
4) constant mention of Lucien and Elain's mating bond. Not only do I not give a damn, I REALLY wish it wasn't a thing all together
5) CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THE IMPORTANCE OF THE MORTAL QUEENS TO ME? WHO TF EVEN ARE THEY?? It's so stupid that they don't get brought up until feyre is a fae like we have no clue the humans even have an overarching government until she's not human anymore. Why are they turning them Fae? What possible advantages can they grant the fae that they don't have already? How tf are there so many queens when the human territory is so small? For that matter, why tf is Hybern going to war over a tiny handful of humans? Why involve this convoluted plot with turning the mortal queens into Fae when it seems like the humans don't even know of their existence so they wouldn't listen to or follow them in the first place
6) this should be dual pov. I would LOVE tamlin's perspective or even lucien's
7) I need WAY more information about the cauldron because it makes no sense
8) this isn't a gripe but I just have to mention how bad I feel for lucien
9) somehow ianthe became 10x MORE boring as a villain. Like you could replace her woth Regina George and the book would be more interesting
10) WHY IS THERE SO MUCH SEXUAL ASSAULT, OH MY FUCKING GOD
11) this whole spying on the spring court thing is stupid, inefficient, and childish. The NC is risking the lives of all the courts doing this shit when they could easily just ACTUALLY TELL THE OTHER COURTS WHATS GOING ON TO GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO RALLY TOGEYHER AND DEFEND THEMSELVES, form an alliance, and reason with tamlin or attack him if he refuses to listen to reason. Most information they stand to gain from what they're doing is useless in light of how many fae and human lives stand to be lost or displaced
12) WE FUCKING GET IT FEYRE! THERE ARE TWO WOLVES INSIDE YOU! BENEATH YOUR SKIN YOU ARE A WOLF, A MOUNTAIN LION, A PANTHER, A COBRA, A TARANTULA, A BALD EAGLE, AND EVERY OTHER KIND OF PREDATOR UNDER THE SUN!!!!! JFC I GET SYMBOLISM BUT ITS GETTING CRINGE IN HERE
13) that entire ridiculous summer solstice scene in chapter 4
14) FEYRE COMPARING TAMLIN TO ARAMANTHA?! HELLO???????
15) the whole situation with using Lucien to make tamlin jealous is just....icky, idk
16) I almost regret wanting more political intrigue In these novels as it is by far Sarah Janet's weakest suit
17) framing jurian a villain is one of the dumbest decisions ever. Wish he had more screen time though
18) feyre's badass scene w/ the children of the blessed makes me wish that after she became fae, she returned to the human lands, killed/overthrew the mortal queens, said fuck you to tamlin and rhys, and just became queen of the mortal realms, having to earn her people's trust as a fae, protect and defend them, and come to terms w/ her loss of humanity. That would have been so EPIC
19) the entirety of chapter 8
20) the fact that acotar was written. If the series started w/ acomaf I would have a lot less problems. All the constant retconning and inconsistencies in canon and worldbuilding just keep pissing me off, idk I can't look past it
21) I'm losing count and I'm only on chapter 9 so I'm just going to keep reading for now. Might make a part 2 idk
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ixiot-ghostrebel · 1 year
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𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐈𝐧 𝐌𝐲 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐝.
The oneshot I promised based off of one of my previous post! Sorry if this is not up to your liking—I have bad writing lol. This oneshot is also, btw, in the Imposter's POV! I hope you enjoy!
Warnings: Bad Grammar, Spelling Mistakes, Not Beta Read, OOC Characters, Implications of Violence, & Mind Control/Mind Manipulation.
Read if you're okay with these terms. Please also let me know if I missed a warning!
— — —
3 weeks. It's been 3 stupid weeks since that darn creator landed into Teyvat. Gah, why?! Why now, when I have everything and anything that I wanted right under my feet? When I had this whole world fooled and all under my control, my grasp?! This was surely going to start a riot if people realize that stupid creator is the real thing.
I smile. No. No, they won't find out. I can make sure of that. I have mind controlled guards stationed everywhere in all seven nations! I have eyes everywhere! This creator will be nothing once I have them in my grasp. I'll torture them for ever thinking they had the right to demolish my work! I suffered too much for this—I am not letting my dirty work go to waste!
I slam my fist on my throne again, catching the Geo Archon's attention. Bah, stupid old dragon. Too keen for his own good. Good thing he's on my side right now.
"Your Grace," his deep voice rings through the room, "is something troubling you?"
"Why of course there's something troubling me, you fool!" I spat back. Normally, I wouldn't raise my voice at one of of most loyal followers, but right now, I'm not having it. "I have this—this dumb imposter renegading around, trying to tarnish my upbringing of reclaiming my own throne!" Zhongli's eyes darken.
"Do not fret, Your Grace. The Imposter will be hunted down soon enough." I scoff, not at all convinced.
Yeah right. That damned creator has survived for 3 weeks. No way in hell would my stupid puppets be able to kill one person in the span of this month. They were all just that stupid. It was frustrating at times, this time beyond boiling point!
"Get out there and help them!" I order Zhongli. "Make sure your nation is actually doing its job and not just lounging around, selling their goods like any other day, counting their stupid mora!"
"Of course, Your Grace." He walks out, leaving me in my throne room of my palace with my own thoughts. Tch, frail, old fool. For someone who's won a seat of Celestia from the Archon War, he acts like a pitiful yet loyal servant.
No wonder Celestia took a liking to him. I sigh, waiting yet again for my puppets to actually find that creator. It was midday, and they still haven't found them.
That was...until I felt something strange. It was faint, but I definitely sensed it. I close my eyes immediately, running through all of the puppets I've selected for this hunt.
Ah. Perfect.
Two of my most prized puppets have found them. Venti and Nahida, cornering a meek, little creator. For someone of such power, they act like a cowardly child. Ha. This will be fun.
Good job, Venti, Nahida~ I tell them in their heads. Bring them to me...I want to personally kill them myself. I grin. I can finally live out my long lasted fantasy! I can finally have that creator grovel in front of me, begging for mercy as I cut them to pieces! Perhaps I might even award these two for their accomplishment—
No... My eyes flew open for a second, shocked. What did that stupid, childish archon just say? And here, I thought of being generous to them! This is wrong! This is all wrong! I...I can feel a warm presence... I hiss at that thought. This stupid God of Wisdom dares to go against me, just because she can feel some sort of warm connection to a pathetic person who can't even fight for themself? Please!
No, no, Nahida. They are tricking you so that they can escape! I boldly tell the Dendro Archon, before slipping into Venti's mind again. Bring this imposter to me, now!
They feel so familiar...Like I've interacted with them before. Came the Anemo Archon. What?! Ugh, can this stupid God of Freedom do anything right for once?! Free...calm and warm...
Gosh, these two idiots. Making me do more work than I need just to kill one person in my way! You would think having puppets would be amazing, especially with two powerful archons at your disposal, but no! Of course not!
No. They are lying to you.
Like a comfy blanket in the coldest of winters...
Stop. They are not the creator.
Like the finest breeze in the wind, a melody as pure as the sun.
They are playing tricks. Get them.
Like a sudden lift of the cage, a strong breeze to lift the bird away...
I...I know them. I do, I swear I do.
No, you do not. They are lying to your sub-consciousness. Take revenge and kill them!
No...No, I can't. They're...They're the creator! the archons say, in sync, at the same time. I gasped, shocked. They dare betray me, after everything I did for them and their precious nations?!
THEY ARE NOT THE CREATOR. BRING THEM TO ME NOW! I shout in their heads. Their bodies moved, albeit sluggishly. Their weapons were raised, even though their consciousness was fighting against my every command, I will make sure I have my revenge for all this ruckus.
Just another step closer...Yes, raise that bow of yours...Make sure that vermin doesn't escape...Yes, good...
The moron tries to break for a run, but dendro quickly stops them. Yes, good...another step closer...good...
"P-please. I don't mean trouble! Please!" The person begins to cower. Hah, pathetic. I wonder how they'll be like when they see me face to face. It will be fun...the utmost fun I'll ever have, in fact...
No!
Stop!
A surge of both anemo and dendro combined nearly knocks my control over them, but I still held on. I gasp from the sudden burst of elemental power, before banging my fist onto my throne. These half-wits dare to go against me?!
"Y...Your Grace...Run, please..." I hear that voice of a bard say. Oh, how I want to rip out his throat...
"N-no! I can't leave you—leave you both like this!" No. No. No. I refuse to be painted the villain! My hardwork, my dirtied hands weren't for nothing! I REFUSE THIS!
YOU DARE TO DISOBEY ME?!
"Please...Your Grace, RUN!" And that was the last straw.
I forced myself into both of their bodies, flinging the archon's consciousness into the darkness again. But it was too late. That wretched vermin escaped. I shout in frustration, before signaling my other, more reliable puppets, to follow that dirty pig.
AT THE CHASM OUTSKIRTS. FIND THAT IMPOSTER, NOW!
I could feel a rush of feet running towards it. Good, at least these puppets were functioning properly.
Now...these two...traitors. Glaring down at these idiots wouldn't do anything, so I begin to shout at them.
You dare to defy me, after everything I've done for you?!
Did you forget I was the one who blessed your nations with security, with safety?!
You dare GO AGAINST ME FOR THE IMPOSTER?!
HOW STUPID CAN YOU BOTH GET?!
JUST HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO LISTEN?!
I could feel their cowering as I forced their bodies under my full control.
"Return to the palace, you wretched traitors," I said, speaking through their voices. I feel them trembling, but I don't care. I will make them fear me, if they refuse to adore me. I will change their minds, make them mindless puppets if I had to.
I will make sure to be their everything, to the point they're so loyal, no one will be able to recognize them. I will be all they have praise about. I will be all they care about. They would be so gone, they would even destroy their own precious nations if I commanded them to.
"I will teach you why no one defies me. EVER."
The entering steps of my two traitorous puppets echoes through the halls of my palace. I open my eyes, and glare down at the two once-loyal followers with pure loathing and disdain.
"You have both disappointed me, and to this, I will make sure your punishment is seen to the very end." I feel them quiver under my gaze, and I smiled. How lovely...Their fear is too tempting.
Oh, but I never said their punishment was short, did I?
𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑬𝒏𝒅.
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