#Ran's dress color was one of the hardest decisions i had to make in my life

[marivanilla05]

Shinran Week 2023 | Day 4:

Black Knight & Princess + Flowers

#shinranweek2023 #shinran #dcmk #ran mouri #shinichi kudo #i tried my best to incorporate both themes #i wanted to make something for each prompt but may was a really stressful month for me #i did make ideas for each prompt though so i might draw them after the event #anyways! #the flowers i drew are based on pink camellias = longing #blue hyacinths = sincerity and loyalty #astilbe = patience and dedication #I'm not an expert though i just used google #Ran's dress color was one of the hardest decisions i had to make in my life #sorry I got the schedule date wrong

[eddies-weirdo]

Not Your Loki (pt4)

Pairing: Loki x female reader

Summary: After what feels like a million years of jumping through timelines, you finally think you found the one with your Loki. Unfortunately the Loki you find isn't yours and has been heartbroken and defeated by another. Do you still help him?

Warning: cursing

“Well if we go here and jump from this point here we’ll -” you flip through pages of the planets you’ve visited to a darker planet on the outskirts of the solar system “- it’ll bring us here, but if we skip this point -” you say pointing at another map of a planet ran by vampires “- we’ll just end up back on the Void.” You lean back in your chair and sigh “Finding the jumping off point is always the hardest, but once we get going we’ll be able to make our way through the timeline without to many issues.” You smile at Loki trying to instill some confidence in his decision to join you. He looks at you skeptically “You don’t know what you’re doing do you?” You narrow your eyes at him “Just because I don’t use the big fancy words that Tony does, doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m talking about.” “That’s precisely what that means though - “ he starts. Oh shit, footsteps. You grab his arm and put up a finger to signal to him that he needs to be quiet. You both hear the footsteps round the corner and a voice say “I could have swore I heard voices when I came by earlier but I don’t see any names on the schedule for this room”. The door opens and you see two guards looking around at the room. Loki starts to speak but you shake your head for once in your life please don’t talk. He looks at you, your eyes locked on the guards, and notices the flicker of green in your eyes. “There’s no one in here G-42, you must be hearing things.” “I swear I heard a -”, “Yeah yeah yeah, you just need a break from the last mission that’s all” and the door closes again. You let out the breath you’ve been holding in. “How did you do that?” You think about how to answer. “I didn’t make us invisible if that’s what you’re wondering, I just made a barrier that blocked us from their sight. That’s the best way I can explain it anyway.” You start to gather your notes and maps, “I think we better get to my safe house, we’ll have less visitors there.” “There’s other places you can go outside of the TVA?” Loki looks at you puzzled. “Oh no, it’s a pocket dimension I found. Is there anything you need to get before we leave?” He pauses, and thinks about Mobius for a moment “Can I say goodbye to Mobius? I know he doesn’t remember me I just ... need to say bye.” You look into his eyes and see that he’s being genuine “Are you sure you want to do this? If it helps you should know that he’s not technically ‘your Mobius’ he’s another variant”. He looks down at the table, thinking for a moment. “I promise I’m not trying to deter you, I’m just trying to be realistic with you. If you truly want to do this I’m sure he’s in his office down the hall.” He nods “I’ll be quick”. 

The two of you try to act as casual as possible as you walk down the hall, avoiding eye contact with anyone you pass. Being here over a thousand times you know exactly where Mobius is at this time of day. You stop a few feet from the open doorway and whisper “He doesn’t know you but I can’t say whether or not he’ll recognize me, so I’ll just wait here and keep watch”. Loki nods, stands up straight, and tries to brush is hands through his hair a bit. You shake your head at him, smiling. “Oh shut up” he whispers at you and hurries off. You see him materialize a stack of folders, and go into the office. 

*Knock, knock* Mobius looks up from his afternoon snack to see a tall, dark headed man in the doorway. “Oh hey there, what can I do for ya?” he asks happily. Loki quickly says “Sorry to bother you, I just got lost. I thought this was the way to the cafeteria” “Ha nope sorry, it’s down the hall, take a right, another right, then a left and you can’t miss the sign.” Mobius says smiling still. “Um thank you ... bye then” Loki stammers and walks back out. 

As Loki walks into the office, you start looking around for any other offices for a spare tempad. I’ll need one for Loki, and mine is almost dead anyway. You look across the hall into an open office. You poke your head in the office and see a box of tempads. JACKPOT. You take four for good measure but then you see the nameplate on the desk. Renslayer. Well fuck me I guess. You turn around and are eye to eye with the judge. She glares at you. You smile back “Hello Ramona”. “Who are you and why are you in my office?” she says still glaring. “Just picking up some extra tempads for my next mission” you says as you start backing out of the doorway. “Wait -” you hear her say and you close the door. You snap your fingers and lock the door. Ohshitohshitohsitohshit you think as you walk quickly down the hall back just as Loki is coming out of Mobius’s office. “I fucked up we need to go” you say grinning in panic. “I was gone for three minutes -” Loki says as you’re quickly putting in the coordinates of your safe house. The familiar orange portal opens and you pull him through before he can finish. 

You both land in a open field surrounded by tall trees and other various fauna. You look around huh I’m pretty close this time, I guess I am getting better at this. Loki sits up and says “Why did we fall and not just walk out like all the other portals I’ve been though?” You laugh “Um ... would you believe me if I said I didn’t think we’d fall out?” He starts to say something else but you interrupt by pointing over his shoulder at your cabin across the field. “Welcome to my home!” 

He turns to see a small cabin made out of dark wood, with bright purple shutters (“I like to be different” you explain), a large herb garden that has grown out of hand (”I’ve been busy, geez.”), and a porch with a porch swing overlooking the rest of the field. You hold out your hand to help him up and he takes it. As his hand grasps yours you feel a spark of the seidr well that’s new but don’t say anything.  As the two of you make your way to the cabin, Loki asks "Do you even having running water here?" You turn to look at him and wave your hands at him creating green sparks between your fingers. "Anything is possible with magic my darling".

You unlock your door and snap your fingers to light the fireplace and turn on a lamp. Loki looks around at the cozy room. Your patchwork couch of all colors and patterns sits before the small fireplace catches his eye, the far side of the room has a large painting of the field outside that you painted during the time you first found this place, the coffee table has an open book of poetry with a pressed flower from your garden in it, and he smiles at the large green bookshelf you'd made for your ever growing book collection. "As far as I'm concerned, my home is your home. The guest room is down the hall to the right and bathroom is the room across from it. I don't know if you have back problems like my Loki, but there's large bath in there that you're welcome to use." You wave your hand and a small jar of purple bath salts appear. "Here, put this in the bath water as the tub is filling up. It'll help the pain." He looks at you, unsure how to respond to the kindness "Um, thank you". "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me" you say as you walk away. Loki makes his way to the bathroom and notices your gallery wall of pictures and weapons you've collected. In the first picture he sees you with Tony and Bruce in the lab on your first day working with them, the next picture shows you and Bucky arm wrestling with the team gathered around cheering you on, the next picture shows you and Nat dressed up for one of Tony's many parties, "So y/n does know how to dress" he says to himself. He continues looking over the pictures. He sees one with you and Thor, both of you are smiling but the grief on your faces is clear that this was taken some time after Loki's death. "He did mourn you, you know. He loves you in his own way." he hears you say from the kitchen. "Can you stop doing that? It's like you know what I'm thinking" he says. He hears you laugh "Can't, I'm your wife."

The next set of pictures showed you holding Morgan at her second birthday as she hugs you tight, you with Clint as he shows you how to use a bow in the training area, and one big group picture of the whole team. You stand in the front with Clint, Nat, and Tony while the rest of the team stands behind the four of you, all smiles. The last picture he sees is one that someone had taken of Thor and the rest of the Asgardians in new Asgard, but in the far back he can see you on the hill next to marker.

That's all for part 4! This was going to be a bit longer but it's almost 1 here so I need to get to bed so I can be a functional adult tomorrow.

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki laufeyson x reader #loki x female reader #loki x reader #loki x you #loki x y/n

[moral-turpitudes]

To the Moon:

A/N: Totes cried while writing this but it’s fine.

Trigger Warnings: Angst, Descriptions of Character Death, Drinking, Pregnancy, Cancer, Fluff, Grief, etc.

Word Count: 4,225 

Characters: Thomas Shelby x Female!Reader x Anna Shelby (OC?/Daughter)

Request: “Hi this is my first request and it’s an angsty Tommy x Reader where the reader is an old flame and they didn’t work out but Thomas still loves the reader anyway, and she sends him a letter out of the blue. Apparently the reader got pregnant and had a kid but she’s really sick now and doesn’t want her kid in an orphanage. It could end in fluff but doesn’t have to.”

Requested by: @wierdestmoppet​

A/N: Get ready for some sad shit. I saw the request and this is what my mind jumped to lol. I wrote this to be set like around Season 1-ish btw.

Summary: Life and death have a way of revealing the truth within us, and it can cause things to happen at the most unexpected times. This is especially true for Thomas Shelby as he realizes not even he can stop death.

Part 1 | Part 2

“Dear Thomas,

How are you? It’s been a long while and I hope you and your family are doing okay. I know this may be out of the blue, but you know I’ve never been much for planning things. You also know that I prefer getting straight to the point, so disregard any smudged writing in advance. I’m trying to keep the tears at bay while writing this, but I figured I’d burn any bridges while I still can.

I know we parted in anger but I’d love to know if you’d forgive me for how I acted. When I left during the months after you had gotten back from France, every fiber in my being wanted to stay there with you, but I couldn’t. I had no one besides you and your family and it made me feel worse, like a burden. I was so scared you’d send me away if I told you then...so I made that decision for you and I know it destroyed you.

I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that, and now of all times I’m sitting here wishing I could be back there in that dirt-covered town, walking by the cut with you just like old times...but I can’t, not in this life anyway.

It saddens me greatly to know I’ll never see your face again, but for the sake of time I’ll be blunt. A couple weeks after I left, call it karma if you will, I fell more ill and went to the doctor. When I left, my suspicions were confirmed. I was pregnant.

I fought the urge to call you though and I regret that to this day, but I’m writing this now to hopefully make up for it.

I had not been with anyone else the whole time you were deployed. But if you can think back, you’ll remember our time at the Garrison and how you’d brought me home. That night stuck with me for nine months, Thomas. I had a beautiful baby girl who I named Anna. And the best part is that she has your eyes.

With all that said, I know this is a lot to take in, but I have one dying wish. You see, I’ve been diagnosed with cancer and the doctors said I have only days left to live. I’m...I’m trying so hard not to cry because I don’t want to wake the poor girl, but I can’t go on much longer and she deserves a good life...One that I can’t give her. I’d love for her to not have to go to the orphanage, as it would break my heart. So I’m asking you to do probably one of the hardest things you’ve had to do in some time, my love. I’m asking if you’d be willing to take in our Anna?

I’ve always wanted her to meet her father, and I wanted to wait until she got older to do so...but it seems life had a way of throwing off those plans as you can see.

I just wanted to let you know in case a lovely little one year old shows up at the shop soon. I’ve sent my friend here in London to take her to you after I pass. I know you may not love me anymore Tom, but I hope that whatever love is still in your heart, you can give that to our daughter. And that you can also find a place in your heart for forgiveness, I know I have.

I’m not expecting anything else, but I truly wish you the best in life, both for you and the family. I’ll think of Anna and you when I sleep tonight. That’s about as close to being in heaven as I can think of.

With all my love,

Y/N Y/L/N”

Thomas set down the letter, hands shaking as he slid his finger over the dried ink that was smudged in various spots by her tears.

He sat there with his head in his hands, tears silently falling from his eyes as the memories came flooding back.

He had just gotten the business in line, and had a good thing going with his family. Even securing a legal betting license, but just as he’d known all his life, he couldn’t get his hopes up when it came to love. Every woman he’d ever loved seemed to have an expiration date, and this one tore him to the core.

As he sat there, the rain pattered on the windows of his office at the shop. The sound only fueling the rage inside him as he came to terms with the letter.

He had thought she’d moved because she found someone new or thought she’d gone off to find a job somewhere perhaps. But he didn’t expect this. After all, he still loved her. He was never good at showing it but he truly did love her and now she was being ripped from him without even getting to say goodbye.

He took a shot from his glass at his desk and threw it in frustration, shards exploding on the ground like tiny specs of glitter.

As he watched the shards shimmer in the dim light, he remembered the fancy envelope. Frantically picking it up and seeing a small picture hanging out of the corner that he must’ve missed before.

It was of Y/N holding Anna. Y/N had a weakened look to her as she sat on the steps of her apartment in a light green dress. It was her favorite color after all, and he knew that.

She had the brightest smile despite her frail state as well and it instantly caused him to smile too. When his eyes landed on his daughter it only grew and he felt his throat tighten as he cleared his throat, trying to keep his emotions at bay.

She indeed had his striking blue eyes though, and the beautiful color of her mother’s hair. With tears threatening to fall, he noticed she had her smile too, thanking whatever gods above that she didn’t get his toothy grin.

As he admired the picture, he remembered seeing the date and a phone number scribbled on the letter, her handwriting noticeably declining compared to when she used to write him long ago during the war.

Without a second thought, he called her number hoping she’d answer. His heart stopping for a moment as he heard static on the other end before it picked up, a faint voice saying “Y/L/N Residence.” in response.

“H-Hello, I’m sorry it’s late but this is Thomas Shelby. Is Y/N there?” He asked, his voice trembling as he wiped tears from his eyes.

“I never thought you’d call...” She said.

“You sound...different.” He said.

Y/N laughed, and he swore he could feel his heart pound at the faint sound of it.

“Death does that to ya.” She said, making light of the situation.

“Y/N...I-I got your letter. I know we don’t have much time...but I love you. I do. I-I love you so fucking much okay?” He said frantically, sitting down at his desk.

“I’m not dead yet.” She lightly chuckled.

“I know...just wanted to let you know I do love you, and that I forgive you. For everything.” He said quietly.

“I thought you’d moved on Tom...But I love to you too. I’m so sorry I’ve put you through this...” she said, breathing heavily.

“Don’t you worry sweetheart. You’ve done nothing wrong. I-uhm...I haven’t moved on. I could never move on from you, Y/N...” He said, her name on his tongue like a spark. He hadn’t said her name so often in ages.

“Did you get the picture?” She asked.

“Yes. You’re beautiful. Anna is too. Beautiful just like her mother.” He said, holding the picture in his hand.

“I was so excited when she opened her eyes. I’m so glad she has yours.” She said, her voice fading a bit as she reminisced.

“And I’m glad she has your smile my love. Can’t have her running around with a smile like mine aye?” He joked.

“Oh stop.” She chuckled.

He laughed lightly as she continued, her breathing audible over the phone.

“I’m happy the letter got to you when it did. I was trying to hold out for you both.” She said, her voice thickening as tears welled up in her eyes.

“I’m happy it did too. You’re the strongest woman I know. You know that right?” He said, wiping his own tears from his eyes as he heard her crying.

“I want our Anna to grow up strong too. Have you considered my offer?” She asked.

Thomas hesitated, his hands were shaking more than they had when first reading the letter.

“Yes. I-I don’t have a nursery yet, but I’ll be able to get things sorted in no time, alright love?” He said.

Y/N sighed with relief. “Good...you don’t know how happy that makes me. I’m...I’m holding her little hand right now. She’s got a firm grip just like her daddy.” She said, sniffling.

“Good. She can rough house with Finn when she’s older.” He said.

“Just...protect her Tommy. She’s so sweet. I love her so much...” She said, her voice weakening.

“I love you, to the moon and back you hear me? Is the nurse with you?” He asked, noticing her voice changing.

“Y-yes. My friend is too. Told her to bring Anna as soon as I go. I-I’m so scared Tom...” She said, her voice cracking as she cried.

“And I love you to the moon and back too sweetheart. I just wish I could have you here with me.” She continued.

“I know you’re scared Y/N. Just hold Anna’s little hand and listen to my voice...okay? Everything will be alright. I-I promise.” He said, his own voice cracking as more tears ran down his face.

“I’ll always protect our daughter. And I’ll tell her how much you meant to me and how much you loved her. I’ll always love you. Always, to the moon and back aye?” He said.

Her breath shallowed as she answered, the last of her strength fading as she spoke.

“I love you both. To the moon...and back.” She said, taking a final breath before her eyes closed and her body went slack, including the finger that her daughter was clutching onto while lying beside her in bed.

The line was silent as Tommy listened. His heart nearly broke when he heard Anna’s cries, and her friend and the nurse sniffling as they helped around the room.

“M-Mr. Shelby? This is the nurse. I know this is hard...but would you like her ashes or would you prefer her to have a traditional burial? She never got the chance to specify.”

He wiped his tears on his sleeve and looked out the window as the rain fell, the moon shining brightly as he gazed up.

“Traditional burial. She needs to be where she’s loved. My family will be in touch as soon as we can.” He said.

“Alright. We recommend doing it soon, tomorrow perhaps. Her friend just left with Anna and will be by your shop in the morning.” She said.

“Uhm...yeah tomorrow is fine. Bring Y/N to the fields and we’ll take care of the rest. I’ll be here at the shop when Anna gets here.” He said, his mind feeling like it was about to explode.

“Alright. I will see you tomorrow Mr. Shelby.” She said.

“Alright.” He whispered before hanging up the phone.

He frantically strode over to his whiskey stash, downing a good portion of it before he ran to the shops bathroom. The mixture of suddenly ingesting all that alcohol and his frazzled nerves taking its toll.

When he composed himself, he freshened up as best he could and splashed cold water over his face, trying to wash the memories and the rush of the alcohol away.

As he made his way back to his office, he thought to call everyone. Even if they were sleeping, this was the one time he truly needed everyone in the family.

“Polly? It’s me. I’m going to need uhm...a crib...and a funeral lined up in the fields. Can you bring the crib here to the shop? I-I guess I’ll need anything baby related.” He stammered.

“Holy mother...slow down please! What are you talking about?!” She asked tiredly through the phone.

“It’s Y/N...yes...her....she left me because she was pregnant and she had the baby and she’s mine. Her name is Anna and she’ll be here in the morning. Y/N she uhm...she died. I just talked to her as she passed alright? She ended up having fucking cancer. She wrote to me and...and it was her dying wish that I take care of Anna for her. I need everyone here. This is the one thing I can’t do alone, Poll.” He said frantically.

Polly stayed silent as she processed what was said, he could hear her sniffling as she spoke.

“Christ have mercy....I’ll call everyone in. You try to get some sleep even if you’re lying on the shop floors. You can’t take care of your daughter drunk like that. I can hear it in your voice.” She said before hanging up.

Polly quickly got ready, waking up little Finn and sadly explaining to him what happened. Together they gathered an old crib from when Ada stayed over with Karl a couple nights, and she found some baby food and diapers.

Next on her list was to call Ada as she had more things at the ready, and she and the rest of the blinders were just as shocked as the news rolled in.

2 hours had passed and Tommy had forced himself to lie down with his coat draped over him on his office floor. The half empty bottle of whiskey smashed to pieces from when he’d gotten off the phone with Polly.

His eyes were blood shot and moving rapidly under his closed eyelids, dreams of coming to save Y/N from the inevitable somehow threatening his mind as he watched her disappear like a ghost. His eyes flew open though as he heard the shop doors close. His tragic slumber interrupted further by numerous heavy boots on the floor.

He sat up slowly, trying to smooth out his hair and putting his coat on as the draft from the cool night air crept in through the creaky floors and window sills.

He sat there on the floor, not having the strength to get up as Polly and the rest of his blinder brothers came into the dark room.

“Tommy...Polly told us what’s happened. I’m so sorry...” Ada said, holding a large bag of everything baby related that she could find. Little Finn held a small crib and Polly had a blanket in her arms as well as a small bag of food.

“Everything was fine a couple hours ago, I was just ‘bout to go home then I saw the letter on my desk...” He said, wishing selfishly that he could turn back time.

“Look mate...we have your back. Just tell us what ya need done and we’ll do it. It’s a family meeting after all.” John said, nervously biting the toothpick in his mouth.

“I...I spoke with the nurse. She said they recommend having the funeral tomorrow. We’re having it in the field like we usually do. It’s what she would’ve wanted probably. I couldn’t let them burn her and stuff her in some urn. She deserves better. God damn it...” He said putting his head in his hands. He’d always been the one in control. He’d always had a solid plan, a solid mode of attack, but this was something he had no control over. Just as much as life had control over death. It was all out of his hands.

“I’ll go get Johnny Dogs and the Lee’s help with all that, you stay here Tom.” John said, kissing Esme goodbye as he went out into the night.

“Oi, brother do you want me to go with him? I promise I won’t do anything this time.” Arthur said, crouching down by his brother and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t care, as long as Anna gets here safely and as long as Y/N can have a decent place to be buried in. That’s all I’m on about now. Fuck the rivalries, for one day.” He said. It wasn’t like him to stop condoning a lot of violence, but perhaps this made him have a change of heart.

He glanced at the photo she sent him, his eyes glossing over as he held it in his shaking hands.

“She has my eyes.” He said, his own filling with tears that not many of his family had seen in so long.

“She’s beautiful.” Polly said, sitting by him on the floor. Little Finn helped set the crib down and Esme and Ada helped clean up the mess Tommy had made.

“She is...” he said.

Around 4 hours later, John and some of the Lee’s returned and told them they’d gotten everything set up and Tommy had met with the nurse. She was dressed in a black dress and a black coat, and holding a silver necklace with a light green stone in it. It was Y/N’s that Tommy had given her before he went off to war.

“She wanted you to keep this, to give to Anna...she thought maybe as an 18th birthday gift would be nice...” She said, wiping a tear from her eye.

“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.” He said, putting the necklace in his jacket, clasping the button on the small pocket so it was secure.

As the night blurred into the morning, Polly and Esme napped in the chairs as Tommy rested his head at his desk. Finn and the rest all finding places to doze off to in various corners of the shop.

As much as Thomas hated everyone sleeping uncomfortably, he knew it was good they were here. He needed the support whether his pride liked it or not.

It was around 6 am when the nurse arrived again, letting him know Y/N’s funeral things were all set up. And it wasn’t long after that a small car pulled up. A woman with blonde hair and a black dress getting out quickly as she reached for the little girl.

Her faint cries were heard as Thomas watched from the doorway, alert and ready to do what he had to do for the coming days, and eventually years.

“Hello Mr. Shelby. My name is Jess. I was a good friend of Y/N’s. Here’s your daughter. I hope she’ll be a comfort to you.” She said quickly as she handed her to him.

He nervously cradled her into his arm as she squirmed in defiance at first. The new person holding her making her only want her mother more.

“Hey...hey...shhh. It’s alright love. It’s okay. Daddy’s here. It’s okay.” He cooed, carefully swaying a bit as he held her. As she adjusted to her new surroundings, she gradually stopped crying, her bright blue eyes opening and landing on her fathers face. Tears were coating her cheeks as she looked up at him in silence, curiously as she took in the man holding her.

“It’s okay. I promise.” He said, gently wiping her tears as he carried her inside.

Polly and the girls gasped quietly so as not to startle her too much. But she cried nonetheless, the new people overwhelming her. Tommy cooed again and gave her his finger to hold, helping her out of her crying fit.

“You’re a natural Tommy. Must’ve been all the babysitting when we were little.” Ada said, as she watched her niece slowly stop crying.

“I can only hope so.” He said, looking down at his little girl. John and Arthur and the others came near as quietly as they could, watching as she had a death grip on Tommy’s finger.

“She’s a strong little bugger. Finn you’ll have to show her the ropes ya know.” Arthur said, Finn looked on curiously at his new niece and nodded.

“Not till she’s older. We have to protect her alright, Y/N will strike me down if we don’t.” Tommy said, smiling a bit as he wondered where her soul was now.

“How about we let you be? We’ve set everything up in your office, so it should suffice until later today when you can take her home. The funeral is at noon. So everyone get home and get ready and meet at the field.” Polly said, before patting Thomas’ shoulder. He was in shock at the nights events, but his daughter luckily helped him from spiraling too far down.

The hours leading up to the funeral were spent trying to feed and change her and having Polly come back early to show him the ropes. Anna was dressed in a small black dress and wrapped in the soft blanket Polly had brought, her cries echoing throughout the shop as everyone gathered their things.

“She’s gonna be a little hell-raiser, I already know.” Polly said.

“Good. Maybe she can take over this place someday aye?” Tommy said, placing his cap on as Polly nestled her into the car with her.

“If she wants to that is.” Polly said, closing the door and looking at the little bundle. Tommy started the car and drove off towards the fields, the bonfire sending smoke into the air upon their arrival.

Tommy stopped the car and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he sat there.

“Are you alright? We can take a minute if you need it Tom.” Polly asked, putting her hand in his shoulder.

He wiped a stray tear from his eye and ran a hand over his face before looking back at his little girl. Her eyes wandering over him as he sat there.

“No. I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine, we just have to say goodbye that’s all.” He said, getting out of the car and gently picking up Anna.

She protested at first, her eyes welling up with tears as she looked around, but they stopped once she saw her fathers face. He was grinning slightly at her and stroking her hair, trying to make sure she was alright.

“She’s okay. She’s probably bloody overwhelmed, poor thing. It’ll be like that for a while, but you can do this Thomas.” Polly said, walking towards the field.

“We can do this right Anna? We have to say bye to mummy alright? It’ll be okay my love.” He said, her cries stopping as he walked with her in his arms and towards the wagon and the bonfire.

The smoke invaded everyone’s lungs as the flames grew around the wagon. Everyone who knew her back when they dated coming together to say some nice words or to offer up small prayers.

Tommy couldn’t say anything, fearing he’d break down, but he stood there holding their daughter, throwing a rose towards the flames and silently thinking of her. Hoping she’d watch over them while she was up there.

As the ceremony ended, he wiped a stray tear away and carried the little girl around the remains of the fire, trying to think of a plan for their new life.

Anna mumbled as he sat with her on a nearby log, giving her rose petals to play with from one of the leftover bouquets.

“Those were your mums favorite.” He said, hearing her mumbling in baby babble.

“M-mama.” She said lightly, looking out at the fire. Thomas felt his throat closing as she said it, wishing nothing more than to bring her back.

“Yes love...Mama is gone but dads got ya now love. She loved you so much...” He said, tear running down his cheek as he kissed the top of her head. She looked up at him as he held her on his lap, still gripping his hand like a security blanket and smiling like Y/N.

Over the next couple months they both grew used to each other’s company. She was babbling more and not crying as much, but she could always sense something was missing. Thomas was home more now than he’d ever been, always keeping an eye on her and taking her to the shop when he’d go to work. Everyone loved her though, as they all took turns watching the little girl.

“She’s doing so well. I know Y/N would be proud, Tommy.” Ada said, patting his shoulder as he stood at the window, looking at the night sky.

“She would aye? I’m seeing more of Y/N in her each day. Only a matter of time before she takes Finn out though.” Tommy said smirking.

“I can’t wait to see that.” Ada said, slowly walking away to do her paperwork.

Tommy walked in his office to see Finn playing with her, giving her random toys as she sat up in a chair, and watching her throw them to the side as soon as she saw her father.

She smiled her little smile and threw her hands up towards him as he walked to her, crouching down and scooping her up as she giggled.

In the silence between them he’d often look up after the long day and see the moon, hoping Y/N would be looking back at them from up there, and he’d whisper to himself that they were alright, hoping in some way she’d know they were.

Tag List:

(If you’d like to be added/removed just shoot me an ask!) :)

@msbzowy, @nofckingfighting, @aranoburns, @sighonahurricane, @ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes, @gaytommyshelby, @wowjeena, @fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby, @inglourious-imagines, @thebloodyshelbys, @tsolomons, @blinder-secrets, @reveparade, @shelby-fanatic, @ta-ka-shi-ma, @psychkunox, @peakyxtommy, @captivatedbycillianmurphy,@dreamwastakenx, @lovemissyhoneybee @thomashelbyswhore​

#wierdestmoppet #katiesrequests #katiesfics #peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders fanfic #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby x female!reader #thomas shelby x y/n #katieswiplist

[trapped-in-my-dream]

Time Part 1

Ivar the boneless x fem!reader imagine (In this imagine the timeline is a bit different than in the tv show, we are at the start of 5A at least from Ivars age (he is 18), but Ragnar, Aslaug, Sigurd and Helga are still alive, which is important for the imagine, don't be angry for the changes, I hope you enjoy the imagine)

The reader travels back in time after an accident, she lends in front of Flokis house who takes her in and shows her the northern way to live. She meets Ivar and his brothers and their story begins.

Part One

You were on your way to your first day of university you decided that after high school you would be studying (subject of your choice) at (collage name). Your best friend and roommate will study on the same university, her/his subject was northern history and mythology. In your opinion an interesting subject but you personally would not study it. Their choice of subject was why they had to learn old norse or decided to learn it anyway, as the good friend you were you went with them to the classes and learnt it as well. You kinda liked it, mythologies were your guilty pleasure anywayy so it was not to bad. Your best friend had to go to university earlier than you and told you about the heavy rain outside.

It was raining like hell, you were bearly able to make out the street in front of you out. You tried your hardest to stay concentrated, which wasn't the easiest task as you were tired from your nightshift at work and the rain made you even sleepier. But you weren't the only one with troubles to concentrate. On the other side of the road drove a car, slightly to fast in normal condition but in the rain his speed made it nearly impossible to stop the car. The driver did not sleep well last night and was now utterly tired. The second his eyes closed, he lost control over his car and started to drive to your side of the road. You saw the car to late and hit your car with his. The impact made the glass shatter, you could feel your car lifting up and landing on his roof. Air left your lungs and your head hit the side of your car with so much force that everything turned dark. You tried to not lose the consciousness, the ringing in your ears overwhelming. The last thing you saw before you lost the fight against the unconsciousness was a car rushing away and the shadow of a man speaking to you in some kind a language, but you were not able to hear through the loud ringing what he said. Then your world turned black and the ringing was silent.

You woke up by the feeling of being touched on the shoulder, at first you tried to brush it of. That was when you realized what happend. Without thinking you turned towards the touch and tried to punch the person infront of you. „By the gods woman I'm trying to help you!“ With the unknown voice growled, you opened your eyes and stared at the man that kneeled before you. You sat up and slided away slowly. „Who are you?“, not realizing that you adapted to his language. „My name is Flóki Vilgerðarson, who are you and what are you doing in front of my house?“ Confusion was written over your face. „In front of your..“ You looked around and saw that you were lying in front of a hut. „Your name, woman!?“, he said in a demanding tone. „I'm (Y/N) and I don't know why I'm here. I was in a car accident and then there was this strange man that talked to me and than I lost consciousness and woke up here. Please, don't kill me I swear I mean no harm to you or anyone else.“

Floki looked at the young girl in front of him, she seemed to be around Ivars age maybe a bit younger. Her clothes were strange, he had never seen anything like that, as well as he had never heard of cars. That was when he remembered the strange words that their seer spoke when he visited, „Your future, boatbuilder, will fall to your feet, it's your decision to do what you want with this future of yours. Make it yours and help it grow or kill it before it starts.“ Future, this might be who she is or where she is from, maybe it was both. Floki took a deep breath, shaking of the fear and hold out his hand towards her. Slowly the girl looked up seemingly considering her chances, but she took his hand in the end. „You are from far away, aren't you girl?“ A nod confirmed it. „(Your home country)“, was her soft answer. That was when it was confirmed for Floki, the gods sent her back to him. He did not know why, but he knew that he would keep her save and that he would have to teach her their ways otherwise people would try to harm her. „Oh what were the gods thinking, sending her to Kattegat“, he mumbled it in his beard. He lead her inside his house and sat her on one of his chairs. She was dirty, wet and seemed to be scared, when he wanted to speak up the voice of his wife interrupted him. „Floki who is this girl?“

You looked up from your knees to the woman who asked the question, she did not sound angry, she sounded kinda worried, which surprised you to no end. She got closer and kneelt in front of you looking over your dirty and bruised face and clothes. The man, that said his name was Floki answered, „She laid in fornt of our hut, my love. I remembered the words of the seer when I saw her. What if she is what he talked about.“ The woman smiled lovingly at you, a strange feeling of safety floated you. „I see, come along child you need to clean yourself.“ She said that while stroking your hair lovingly, she stopped and stood up. With a soft smile she offered her hand, which you took. She helped you to stand up and turned to the man. „I will take care of her husband. Try to think of what we shall do. We can't tell the people in the village that she just laid in front of our door, can we?“ With that she turned around and walked you out of the room. Floki knew Helga was right, he couldn't just say that, but what could he say?

The woman took you into a room with a bathtub, she looked at you and said softly, „I could warm up water for you it would take a while.“ You shook your head softly, not wanting to be more trouble then you were. „No, I'm fine with cold water. It will be okay.“ She nodded softly. „If you say so. My name is Helga, I didn't catch your name.“ „My name is (Y/N), thank you for your help Helga, as well as for Flokis.“ Helga nodded softly and looked at you with her brown eyes. „Take of your clothes and wash yourself, I'm gonna look for clothes to give you. You can't wear yours, they don't look like they are from here.“ With that Helga left you alone in the bath. The second she closed the door, you started to take of your clothes. Your body was dirty and blue from the crash, but nothing seemed broken. Slowly you started to wash your body, while you tried to not hurt yourself even more. You softly started to wash your hair after your body was clean, you winced when you felt a wound on your head, which probably was the reason why you lost consciousness. While you cleaned your hair, Helga opened the door and look at you from behind. She could see the the hirmatomes but did not question where you got them from. „I got you clothes“, she said and made herself known. You jumped when you heard her voice and tried to cover yourself up. „There's nothing I have not seen. Let me help you with the dress, you never wore anything like that, I'm sure of that and I believe that you need help with it.“ You knew that she was right, that was why you left your hands down and looked shyly on the floor. „Don't be shy, you look great. Come, we will put that dress on.“ You nodded and went over to her, still shy to be naked. The dress Helga held was beautiful, it had a soft blue color and a neckline with some kind of lacing. Helga helped you in the dress and looked at you when you had it on. „You are lucky that this dress was always too long for me. It suits you. Come I will braid your hair.“ You followed her while she went into another room, she sat you on the bed and started to braid your hair softly. Helga liked how your hair looked when if fell other your shoulder while it was open, so she decided to just braid a few strands, so your hair wouldn't bother you so much. She took her time while doing it, enjoying to do it for some other woman. „Helga?“, you asked softly. A soft hum was her answer. „They will kill me, won't they?“ Helga looked shocked at the words, but she understood where these fear came from. „They won't, Floki will come up with a story for why you are here and think of something to do. I'm sure that you willbe fine“, she stated calmly. You nodded and looked at her when she said that she was finished. „I don't know why you and Floki help me, but I can't thank you enough. Other people would have killed me, I'm sure of that, but you opened your home for me and let me in. I'm thankful for what you did for me. I will do everything to show you that I'm thankful.“ Helga couldn't help but smile, you were a good person, she was sure of that. „We will see“, Helga said while she smiled softly, „Let's see if Floki came up with an idea.“ With a nod of you, the two of you went Floki who sat in front of a fire. „My niece“, were the first words he said when you two entered. „Husband what do you mean?“, Helga asked softly. „We will tell them that she is my niece. If we say that than she will be able to live here and she will be save. They won't touch family.“ Helga laughed softly, ran towards her husband and kissed him. „You are amazing husband. But that means that we have to go and tell Ragnar that she is here. He will want to see.“ „Believe me, wife. I know that. But what other chances do we have? I will tell him that she is sick and needs a bit time to get well. In that time we will teach her how to live here, I will teach her to protect herself. She is a young and pretty woman, she will need it.“ Helga nodded softly and looked at you. „You will be fine, Ragnar is a nice man. He will understand.“ You nodded and smiled at both of them. „So I will be your niece?“ „Yes, my brother went away a long time ago, he died as far as I know. I know that he never had any children, but Ragnar does not know that. We will be fine.“ You nodded. Than Floki stood up and looked at you two. „We should go then“, he said. Helga looked utterly confused, „Now?“ „Yes, the longer we wait the worse. He would think that we hide something.“ Helga nodded and looked at you. „He is right. We should go.“ You were worried, but when Helga took your hand a but of that worry left you. „We will be back soon, it's gonna be okay.“ You nodded softly and watch them leave. Your eyes followed Floki and Helga, worried what Ragnar would say. You thanked your best friend silently for dragging you along to learn old Norse lessons, but still you did not know if you would ever see them again. But now was not the time to worry about meeting your old friends again, now was the time to worry about your fate. With that thought you sat in front of the fire and waited.

Floki was worried about Ragnar, not that he would have told you but he was. When he and Helga entered his eyes fell upon his friend and the family he had. Ragnar saw him soon after and shooted, „Floki! Helga! Come closer eat with us!“ The couple looked at each other and walked over to their friend. „Ragnar“, Floki said and looked at his friend. „Sit!“ That was what he did, for a short second Floki listened to the talks around him, but then looked back at his friend. „Ragnar can we talk?“ Ragnar turned to him, curiousity in his eyes. „About what?“ Floki looked at Helga and then back. „Helga and I have a guest“, he said. „A guest?“, Ragnar questioned. The table turned towards them, the whole family looking at them. „A permanent one“, Floki said. „Is Helga pregnant?“, asked Ragnars wife, Aslaug. „No“, Floki stated, „My brother had a child it appears, he died a few weeks ago. His child came to us and asked if it would possible to stay with us.“ Ragnar nodded slowly. „Is the boy alright?“; naturally assuming that they were talking about a boy. „He had a daughter, with a Christian woman“, Floki explained. „A Christian?“, Aslaug asked, she sounded angry. „He raised her in the ways of our gods, do not worry. She has no where to go and is sick, she won't do any trouble for you or anyone“, Floki added. Ragnar seemed to be thinking deeply. „Why should she be allowed to stay? She has a Christian mother, send her back to her?“, said Ivar. It was the first time that Floki wished to strangle the young man. „No, it's fine“, Ragnar said, „she can stay. Bring her to us as soon as she is better. Now let us eat.“ Floki felt as if the weight of the world was lifted from his shoulders, he nodded and started to eat.

After the dinner they went back home and found the young woman in a chair close to the fire. Helga chuckled softly, while Floki carried her to a room. „She is gonna be fine, Floki“, Helga whispered to calm her husband, who looked worried at the girl on the bed. „I hope“, he stated and left her alone.

The next morning was spend with explaining to the girl what Ragnar said and what would happen now, she would learn how to defend herself, to fight. Floki was sure that she would need it sooner or later, which was worried the girl a bit. Helga promised her to teach her how to clean and do housework in this time, as well as she promised to go and buy her more dresses.

Which was what they did, they kept (Y/N) away from the eye of the village and Ragnars family. Floki thought her to fight as good as possible, she proved herself to be a good fighter, while Helga thought her the normal ways of woman in this time. Two months passed like that, days spend with learning and nights spend with talks about the gods. The couple found themselves enjoying the time they spend with the young girl, enjoying the talks and the way they laughed with each other.

Floki found himself talking to Ragnar and his family about the young woman, after a month Ragnar seemed to be impatient to meet the young woman. That was when a fest for the birthday of Ivar came along. „Bring your niece this time Floki“, Ragnar said and while it seemed like a nice request, Floki knew that it wasn't. It was a command. When he returned he found Helga and (Y/N) in front of the fire, talking and laughing. „Tomorrow is the day“, he stated calmly. Both looked up, surprise, worry and fear in their eyes. „Tomorrow?“, the question was evident in the voice and the face of Helga. „He won't wait any longer“, was the answer while Floki drank. Both woman nodded.

„Very well, then let's make you a part of the villiage.“

#vikings imagine #ivar the boneless imagine #viking headcanons #floki imagines #ivar the boneless imagines #viking imagines #helga imagine #vikings x reader #ivar the bonelss x reader #ivar ragnarson imagine #ivar ragnarson imagines #ivar ragnarson x reader

[honeysuckle-writings]

DANGANRONPA AUTUMN WEEK 2020

Oct 13th, Day 3: Cold Hands and Autumn

Souda x Sonia

Happy Birthday Sonia!

----------------------------

Just like every Saturday, Hajime, Komaeda, Souda, and Fuyuhiko were passing time hanging out in different places of their city. They enjoyed finding new cool places, exploring, and inevitably getting into trouble. This time, Komaeda had suggested they visit a shopping center up north of the city where more affluent people resided. 

"I don't know man. I think we're going to stick out like a sore thumb." Hajime admitted with an unsure tone as he turned on his blinker and pulled into the parking lot. 

"I don't know what you're talking about Hajime. Look at me. I have wealth and I don't look like anyone here." Komaeda, who sat in the back with Souda, smiled, eyes wide as he took in the architecture of each building. The windows to the shops had mannequins in designer clothing and beautiful fairy lights to catch attention.

"Yeah no shit. You'd look like this if you were dirt poor like us." Hiko looked back from the passenger seat and shot him a look. 

"Aha! You're right. I just want to be comfortable. I'd look like trash no matter what I wore." 

Even though the others were slightly annoyed at the place of hang out, it was Souda who looked the most uncomfortable. Places like this were only in his dreams. He had never even come close to wealth like this before he had met Komaeda. He kept his mouth shut and unbuckled as soon as Hajime found a parking spot. He was glad that everyone would take his scared look to be discomfort from driving because of his motion sickness. He started fiddling with his bare hands to keep them warm in the cold from outside. 

"I swear if they think we are stealing just because of how we look I'm going to make sure they catch these fucking hands." Hiko slammed the door and shoved his hands in his pocket.

"Ah they won't. They'd probably be too scared to even talk to us!"

Hajime nudged Komaeda. "That's not at all reassuring. Now come on let's go." 

The shopping center had textured light poles that lined the sidewalk with signs of the district on each of them that also displayed other events going on. In the middle of the shops were a couple of tents that had large bulbs for lighting inside and out. 

"Let's go in here. It seems a bit more modern? Maybe we can find some cool stuff in here." Komaeda held the door open for the rest of the boys and then followed them in after.

Inside they noticed many different perfume smells and pop music playing over the speakers. On the left side of the store featured more masculine clothing while the right had feminine. Accessories like jewelry, scarves, and shoes were in the middle.

The boys spent a few minutes just going through the racks and looking. Hajime had to keep slapping Komaeda's hands because he kept touching everything. Hiko kept his same grimace with his hands in his pockets. 

Souda shifted uncomfortably and occasionally checked a price tag. He didnt know why he kept checking. They just made him feel worse and worse each time. "Hey guys, I think I'm gunna go and uh, check out some of the shoes."

"Yeah you need more. If you get any more holes in your heels I'm going to glue a flip flop on the bottom." Hiko shot at him.

"Hey!" Souda became defensive. So what if he was right. It doesn't give him the right. "They get well loved okay?" He huffed and walked away from the group towards the middle of the store. He tried his hardest to drown out the music and chattering of customers but it was becoming difficult. 

He reached out and grabbed a pair of bright neon and pink sneakers and eyed them over. These looked like they would feel so much better than basically walking barefoot.

"Souda!" A light, familiar voice called out.

"M-miss Sonia?" His head jerked up and towards the girl that appeared out of nowhere.

"I did not expect to see you here today." She smiled. A genuine smile that squinted her eyes and warmed Souda's chest. 

"Oh! Ah well. The guys are here and were just. You know. Hanging out." He put an arm behind his head nervously. "What about you? Are you here with anyone?"

She pulled her clutch purse up to her chest and shook her head. "Oh! No! I am here alone. I like to try and get Christmas shopping done a bit early to beat out the crowds."

"You're so generous Miss Sonia."

She blushed lightly. "Thank you. Oh! Those shoes would be perfect for you!"

He looked down at his other hand that still held the sneakers. "I! Oh! Yeah haha." He laughed nervously and shoved them back. "I was just looking around and stuff. Nothing major."

"Oh alright. Well I should let you get back to your boys! I look forward to seeing you back at school."

"Of course! Yeah I'll see you at school miss sonia!" He turned around and immediately began to chastise himself for his excited tone. She looked forward to seeing him!

He didn't have to walk too far before he almost ran into the other three boys. 

"So are you going to go and keep her company?" Hajime broke the silence.

"Guys no. She's got business to take care of."

"Yeah, alone. No one wants that shit." Maybe Hiko was right. He wouldn't want to be alone.

"Souda. You should go and at least ask. What's the worst she can say? No?" Komaeda questioned. 

"Yeah and then my dignity is lessened." He sighed, frustrated.

"Just do it asshole before I invite you with her myself."

Souda put his arms out to stop Hiko. "No no no! Fine. I'll do it. Okay? Just. I wanna leave after this and go to a different store okay?" He cautiously walked back over to the shoes but did not see her. Shit. He looked around nervous before seeing her checking out towards the front.

"Miss Sonia!"

This time it was her turn to be surprised. "Oh hello again Souda!" She switched the bags in her hands to be more comfortable. "I thought you had to go back and be with the boys?"

"Well. I just, uhm." He took a moment to muster a fake confidence. "I just wondered if you'd like to have some company while you shopped. A princess shouldn't be alone."

Sonia was shocked at the offer. "You know, I think I would really enjoy that actually."

Souda's brain did a double take. "Wait really?"

"Yes! I think it would be quite fun."

Souda turned back around and saw the boys suspiciously, and badly, hiding behind some racks watching. Of course they were spying. "Alright uhm. Why don't you lead the way Miss Sonia." 

As soon as they walked out, the boys high fived themselves. Souda would just wait for a call from Hajime when they were done.

Souda and Sonia walked down a couple of shops before going into a candle store that did not have many people in it. They sniffed many different scents and giggled as they tried to see if the scents matched the names. They had not had interactions like this before.

They continued on like that for a few more stores and each time they went out into the cold, Souda would flex out his fingers and rub his hands together. He tried to be discreet about it, but as the sun lowered, so did the temperature.

"Souda? Are you cold?"

"What? Oh. I mean it is pretty cold out here." 

Sonia tilted her head to the side and thought for a moment. "Give me your hands." She pushed her bags into her elbows and held out her palms.

Souda blushed brightly but complied. How could he not obey a princess? As soon as his hands touched her warm ones, he almost sighed. They felt amazing.

"Your hands are freezing! Did you not dress properly to be out here?"

"No. I guess I wasn't thinking." He laughed nervously through his lie. 

"Allow me to warm them for you then." She adjusted his hands in hers to provide as much warmth as she could. 

"Thank you Miss Sonia. I really do appreciate it." 

They stayed like that for a moment, just so they could take in each other. Not too far from them, a small clock chimed signaling another hour had passed.

"Thank you for providing me with company this evening."

"For sure! It's my pleasure!"

She squeezed his hands and smiled.

The atmosphere broke as Souda's phone began to ring in his pocket. He quickly drew his hands back and pulled it out to see Hajime calling. 

"Hey dude are you ready? Komaeda got hungry and you know we have to follow what he wants or we are all fucked. He says he will buy us all lunch."

"Uh yeah that sounds great!"

Sonia set her bags down on the bench next to them.

"Alright just come back to the car. We will be waiting." 

Souda sighed and put his phone back into his pocket. "I gotta go for real this time. Sorry about that."

"No trouble at all! I understand. I must get back as well. I do not want anyone getting too worried." 

Souda nodded and looked down at his feet.

In a split decision, Sonia wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. 

He couldn't help the small noise of surprise that escaped when he felt her arms. It took him a moment but he finally hugged her back.

"See you at school. For real this time! Make sure you get some gloves soon alright?" She repeated the words he previously stated and grabbed all her bags but one and started to walk off.

He watched her walk off, but not in any lewd sense. He simply needed a moment to process that she had actually spent some time with him. He finally pulled his eyes away to notice a bag that had been left. 

"Miss Sonia!" He shouted. "You forgot a bag!"

She turned around with a bounce and laughed while shouting back. "No I didn't!"

Confused, Souda grabbed the sack and carefully looked inside of it. His eyes widened as he saw a shoe box. There's no way she would have done that for him, would she?

His question was answered as he lifted the box and saw the brightly colored sneakers that brought them together staring back at him.

#danganronpa #danganronpa autumn week 2020 #dr autumn week 2020 #sounia #souda x sonia

[fucking-zawa-sensei]

Opulence - erasermic fanfic

Title: Opulence

Pairing: erasermic

Rating: Explicit

WC: 9k+

Summary: 

When they’re done, when Hizashi is finally, finally laid bare and beautiful across their sheets, still shimmering and sparkling and flushed a delicious pink, the blond is breathing heavily, sweat drops gathering along his hairline and in the ridges of his collarbones. 

He looks absolutely filthy in the best kind of way.

Notes: An incredibly late birthday gift for my friend, @rootistabootus(it has been 4 months girl I am so sorry), who can always make me smile any day, any time, who sends me the best memes, who supports my love for characters she doesn’t even know, who is quite possibly one of the bubbliest, most positive people I have ever met.  Who makes me feel like I can do anything, who inspires me to create and take risks and stop letting fear dictate my life. She’s selfless and one of the hardest workers I have ever met. Her optimism is fierce and strong and makes me think that anything is possible. Thank you for always being there for me and making my life that much brighter. You are an actual piece of sunshine fallen down to Earth and I am happy to have the opportunity to bask in your endless warmth. I love you! 

Read full fic here on AO3

Opulence

It was a normal occurrence, something that happened probably once a month at least.  

Hizashi would come home, door swinging open and caught just before smacking into the opposing wall, the telltale clack of expensive heels giving away that this wasn’t a post-patrol late night entrance. His costume boots sounded the way all heroes’ did: like nothing at all. 

Underground or not, every hero needed to be capable of stealth when the situation called for it. 

With villains who had guns for fingers and steel wire hair, the situation often called for it. 

Hizashi rarely dressed up for the studio either, unless he had a celebrity guest joining him on air. Shouta still remembers the glittery gold suit pants Hizashi wore when his favorite DJ was in town. It was hard to forget, with the way they threw speckles of rainbow light across every surface in their bedroom each time Hizashi opened the closet on the rare nights when Shouta forgot to pull the blinds shut. 

Modeling was something that came with any popular hero’s list of duties, along with interviews, commercials, cameos in movies or TV shows, presentations at hero schools, the list went on. 

The more public you were, the more the public wanted you. 

Hizashi hadn’t gone the way of selling albums or cologne in magazines. Instead, he’d used his agency’s desire to sell his body in print and pixels to gain himself a spot in the fashion industry, a passion he’d had for as long as Shouta had known him. He once saw the young hero-in-training cutting out swatches of colors and patterns and pasting them inside his notebook, erasing any useful study material beneath. 

Not like Hizashi ever needed to study. 

Shouta didn’t quite understand the difference between couture and editorial, but he liked the way Hizashi’s smile looked when he ran his fingers over a sequined body suit or a faux fur shrug. 

He never paid it much mind when his husband came home from a photoshoot, knowing the first place Hizashi would go was the bathroom to wash off any lingering glue and makeup, working gel and temporary dyes out of his hair. He’d spare a glance, curious to see what the other man had been zipped into that night, Hizashi somehow convincing designers to gift him the outfits more often than not, but that was about it. 

Here and there he’d make a comment, a low whistle if it was particularly sexy, something more snide, like, that is not staying here for more than a week, if it was something they both knew Hizashi would never wear outside the house again. Shouta can still remember the great purge of spiked leotards and pointed shoulder jackets they’d been forced to endure last year when they’d run out of room in the closet for their actual clothes. 

Tonight is different.

Tonight, as Shouta casts his eyes over his shoulder from where he is spread out on the couch, half-finished book in his hands, he is unable to turn away. 

The smirk on Hizashi’s face, as he tilts his head up from where he’s bent down, unlacing the long, knee high black stiletto boots hugging his calves, said he hadn’t expected anything less.

Shouta’s eyes can’t pick one thing to focus on, generously grazing over every curve and dip in Hizashi’s body, all deliciously on display. 

Hizashi’s shimmering, gold nails release their hold on the metallic painted laces, his hands running lightly over his knees, and then his fishnet covered thighs, before settling on his hips as the blond straightens into a standing position. He leans back a bit, the way he always did when he was feeling confident and hungry for attention, cocking a hip seductively. 

That grin, accented by glimmering, glitter dusted lips, stays in place. 

Shouta’s gaze is ravaging his husband. 

Tonight, they’d put him in a long sleeved leotard, something Shouta was pretty used to seeing. This time, though, the material was all a shiny, smooth faux leather, with a delectably deep plunge from Hizashi’s collarbones down to just below his navel, his belly button piercing shiny and vibrant like all the other accent pieces to the outfit. Shouta is pretty sure they must have the suit taped over Hizashi’s nipples because there was no way it would be staying in place otherwise. 

He also knows for a fact that they didn’t have Hizashi take out his nipple piercings, as the little ball studs were just as prominently on display as the perky flesh they were slipped through. 

The whole suit looks like it was engineered to be one size too small, hugging Hizashi’s lean frame like a second skin, accentuating the angles of his hips and the deep V between them, the curve of his biceps as he shifts his arms, even his ass, never particularly all that large, looked plump and delicious with the hall light falling over the tight fabric. It left nothing, absolutely nothing, painstakingly nothing, to the imagination. 

Shouta knows before his eyes dare to fall on the space between his husband’s legs that the bulge will be there, but he doesn’t expect Hizashi’s manicured fingers to wind up in his view as well, casually caressing the growing mound as Shouta continues to stare. 

As if this wasn’t enough, as if the thought of his husband walking from their apartment’s parking lot and through the lobby in this incredibly sexual outfit wasn’t already getting Shouta’s throat to dry up, whoever designed this shoot had decided to take it a step further. 

Hizashi had a natural beauty that was impossible to deny, and a sinful ability to turn on the heat when needed. 

So why they’d decided he needed to be slicked up in a shimmery, glittering body oil was beyond Shouta. 

As he finally rips his eyes away from the blond’s fingertips, still stroking over his erection as it pulls against the taute fabric, he sees Hizashi’s chest looking dewy in the same way it did in the moments before orgasm. A fierce, unrelenting heat begins pooling quickly in Shouta’s lower belly. 

“Like what you-”

“Yes,” Shouta cuts off Hizashi’s teasing words, clichéd and useless. Of course he liked what he saw. Who wouldn’t? The whole point of dressing Hizashi up like this was to make any witless fool who picked up the magazine have to resort to using it to cover themselves up. 

Hizashi exhales softly through his nose, one arm coming up, hand moving toward his face, and it all feels like it has slowed down, like each miniscule movement takes one whole rotation of the little hand around the analog clock hanging on the wall next to the kitchen entryway. Shouta watches the way the fabric relentlessly constricts around Hizashi’s body, as his hand runs through his hair, disrupting all those flawlessly smooth locks. They hadn’t styled it in any way tonight, letting it all fly free over the man’s broad shoulders. The golden shine of Hizashi’s hair broke up the predominantly dark outfit nicely. Shouta could see why they’d made the decision, but it certainly isn’t helping the uncomfortable way his jeans are getting tighter by the second. Hizashi lets his hand fall carelessly to his side when he’s done running his fingers through his hair, a few strands getting caught on his lip gloss and his long, fake lashes. Hizashi blinks slowly, eyes downcast, and Shouta doesn’t think it’s possible to get to the bedroom fast enough. 

Judging by the way Hizashi’s next breath brings forth a small shudder as he releases it, he’s feeling the exact same way. 

Shouta isn’t one to rush anything, though. 

He closes his book in one hand, his middle finger still stuck between the pages, and slowly, slowly, leans forward, never breaking eye contact with Hizashi, to set it on the coffee table in front of him. Still bent over, he extracts his finger just as languidly, licking his bottom lip as the digit slips out. Hizashi swallows loud enough for Shouta to hear it from across the room. 

“Are you going to take those boots off anytime soon?” Shouta asks, falling back against the couch, sinking lower into the cushions and lazily letting his legs spread wide. He lets one of his hands fall into his lap, just close enough to his crotch to stroke one finger lazily over his growing erection. He rests his head against the cushioned back and tilts it toward Hizashi, wearing a smirk of his own now. 

Hizashi might have got him going with his outfit, but Shouta knew exactly how to get the other man just as riled up. 

Hizashi hated waiting, and more than that, hated when his pleas for attention went ignored. 

Shouta watches as the corner of his husband’s perfectly painted lips twitches. The blond flips his hair over his shoulder, brushing away the pieces that had stuck to his gloss, before sliding his legs and feet out of the high boots. The fishnet stockings go all the way to his toes, as does the body oil, despite never being in the photographs. 

Hizashi steps up out of the entrance way, one hand still firmly planted on his hip, and begins sauntering across the hardwood floors like he’s gliding across a runway at fashion week. Each and every step pulls at the tight clothing, the light catching every curve, every dip as he moves, one foot in front of the other, bare thighs rubbing against one another, his hardon pressing up against the leotard, his slicked chest rising and falling with heavy, hot breaths. 

The hand not stroking himself through Shouta’s pants is now curled into a fist beside him. Shouta clenches his jaw to stop himself from jumping off the couch as Hizashi finally stops in front of him. The blond’s last step is a powerful stomp that leaves his legs spread wide in a triangle, one hand still firmly planted on his hip, the other comes up to run over his own chest, fingers impossibly sliding beneath the bodysuit. Shouta watches with interest as Hizashi’s fingers make their way to the small bump of his nipple, everything so easily visible despite the fabric. Hizashi’s eyelids slip closed, long lashes caressing his upper cheeks. He throws his head back, letting his mouth pop open, as he pinches and rubs at the sensitive bud. Hizashi lets out a moan that Shouta knows is only half real, is entirely constructed just to get Shouta even more bothered than he already is, but it doesn’t matter. 

His mind doesn’t care if Hizashi’s putting on an act. 

His mind is hardly there anymore, all the blood gone rushing down to Shouta’s crotch the moment his husband had passed through the door. 

So when Hizashi finishes gasping and tilts his head back up to stare down at Shouta, he stops playing games. 

Shouta’s hands latch onto that deep plunged neckline and pull. 

Hizashi comes all too easily, as if he’d planned the whole thing, as if he knew full well he’d end up straddling Shouta’s lap, their clothed cocks rubbing against each other with each and every panting breath they took. 

He probably did. 

Shouta doesn’t particularly care if it’s all going to Hizashi’s plan. He’s too busy fastening his mouth to the blond’s throat, kissing and licking over his adam’s apple, his collar bones, his jawline. 

An annoying little voice in the back of his mind thinks I hope this oil is edible, but it doesn’t stop him from enjoying the soft, supple feeling of Hizashi’s skin beneath his lips. 

It’s made all the more better when one of Hizashi’s hands comes to his chin, pulling his face away from the other man’s collar bone and toward his mouth. He knows when they part he’ll have that glittery lipstick all over his mouth, that they’ll be laughing about it tomorrow morning, still tangled together beneath their sheets. Shouta’s stomach jumps in the same way it does each time he looks outside the school’s windows and across the courtyard to the other side of U.A.’s towering building, where Hizashi and he cross paths during third period, separated by far too many walls and windows and trees, but the other man never failed to send him a large, shining Present Mic grin. 

It was the little things that got Shouta’s heart skipping, which brought a light pink flush to the tips of his ears. 

Right now, though, his whole body was warm, as Hizashi’s tongue drags him back to the present. 

The blond’s thighs tighten around Shouta’s, and Hizashi shifts positions, bringing his chest closer, pressing into Shouta’s, so he can settle his ass over Shouta’s achingly hard cock. He starts grinding on Shouta’s lap, bringing a gasp from his lips. Hizashi hums into their kiss as Shouta’s hands move from the blond’s hips to those two plump cheeks, digging his nails in just hard enough to get a rouse from the other man, but not enough to leave a mark. He never liked bruising Hizashi, though the blond sometimes seemed to enjoy rougher treatment. Shouta didn’t think it was good to have any tender spots on your body when you were a hero, no matter how many times Hizashi insisted no villain was ever going to get close enough to his ass for that to be a problem. 

Hizashi’s hands make their way into his hair, curling around Shouta’s wavy, unruly strands. He pulls, just enough to get Shouta moving back, their lips separating, both gasping, panting for air. Hizashi stares down at him, his hips stilling as he catches his breath. 

“Y-” Hizashi tries to start, but clearly needs another second. He swallows, takes another breath and says, “You ready to cut me out of this thing?” 

Shouta raises an eyebrow, a smirk coming to his lips. 

“Are you saying you can’t get out of that yourself?”

Hizashi rolls his eyes, “I’m trying to be sexy, Sho!”

Shouta doesn’t give in. 

“I think it would be sexy if you did a little strip tease,” he says, squeezing his hands around Hizashi’s ass cheeks, making the other man jump.

“F-fine,” Hizashi says, an additional blush rising to his face atop the lovely glow that had already formed during their kissing. “I don’t know how they packed me in here and I don’t know how to get out.”

Shouta snorts as Hizashi’s eyes dart away, his lips coming dangerously close to a pout, and Shouta’s heart skips. 

Hizashi could come home bare naked and he’d never be more attractive than like this, natural, guard down, no personas or masks or other personalities fighting for attention, just pure Hizashi.

Shouta releases his grip a bit, bringing a hand up Hizashi’s back, rubbing soothingly across the smooth faux-leather. Hizashi’s eyes and mouth soften at the touch, before he leans back in for a less hungry kiss. 

This one feels like it lasts too little, but the message it leaves is far more than just lingering, it’s persistent, unending. 

I love you. 

Hizashi smiles as he pulls back, head titled just enough to the side to make Shouta see him in another time, japanese maple trees framing him, the orange autumn glow shining through their leaves and cascading over Hizashi’s shoulders.

Hizashi’s thumbs brush along Shouta’s scruff covered jaw. 

“Bedroom?” Shouta asks on the tail end of a breath he’d been holding for far too long, bringing his hand to Hizashi’s front, finally dipping into the space left bare by the deep plunge neckline, casually playing with the longest jewel that hangs from Hizashi’s belly button piercing. He turns it over between his thumb and forefinger, watching how the lamp light beside the couch plays in all the little rivets of the small stone. 

“Please,” Hizashi begs, his hands dropping down to Shouta’s shoulders, squeezing at the same time as he jerks his hips forward just enough to get some friction on his aching cock. They let out matching hums of pleasure and the heat in Shouta’s belly becomes more insistent. 

“Then let’s go,” Shouta says, his voice deep. 

For how weak his legs feel right now, he still manages to wrap his arms around Hizashi’s back and lift them both out of the chair, the other man quickly crossing his long legs around Shouta’s waist. Even this feels like too much, too similar to all the times Hizashi and he had pressed one another up against one of the many walls of their home, too distracted by the others’ body to make it anywhere near a horizontal surface. Hizashi had always joked it was a double workout, could be counted as training, but the hungry look the blond gave him each time he slipped his thigh between Shouta’s, rubbing up against his crotch before hoisting Shouta up the wall, said keeping in shape was the last thing on Hizashi’s mind.

Admittedly, Shouta gives a couple glances toward the smooth, sturdy surfaces framing their hastened walk as he carries Hizashi down the hall. The other man doesn’t help, doesn’t seem to care at all that Shouta’s hands are digging further and further into that faux leather as Hizashi sucks harshly under his jaw and along his collar where his shirt has been pulled down by Hizashi’s weight. 

Read the rest here...

#erasermic #aizawa shouta #eraserhead #present mic #yamada hizashi #erasermic fanfiction

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Hear me out

Zukaang soulmate AU quick fic

Soulmate au: red string

Everybody has a string attached to their hand in some way. Every string is some variation of reds, greys, or browns, mostly natural colors. Regardless. Sometimes things happen, like a soulmate dying or being frozen in ice and living for a hundred years past their original mate, and well the universe has to set that soul back in motion eventually after the other passes.

But when Zuko is born he has no string. Only a knot on his left pinky finger. His mother told him it was a promise, a promise that he'd find his soulmate himself instead of being led to them. But when she left he started to lose hope. And when he was burnt and banished he gave up on that stupid promise. He was sent in search of his honor, so who cared about a stupid soulmate he had to search for and find on his own. He already had one impossible thing to find.

Sitting in the western airtemples letting his uncle dress his burn wound he tried his hardest not to cry from the pain. "Prince Zuko, you are allowed to cry"

"It shows weakness" Zuko spat "why would I"

"I cried when I lost my son, I cried when I watched you burn, I cry when I hurt and I cry when others hurt. It is not a sign of weakness dear nephew. It is a sign of strength to carry such a heavy weight of emotions. It is not weakness and it is not a burden. It is strong and it is beautiful."

Zuko lifted his left hand and turned his head to see it better through his right eye. "If its not a burden, then why does it hurt?" He asked his uncle while putting his hand down, but Iroh took hold of his hand

"It hurts because it is not in your control, and that is not necessarily a bad thing"

Those words stuck with him for each of the two and a half years he sailed in search of a man missing for a hundred years. When he found him he found a boy his age who had been frozen for all of those years. A boy who was a master of air and a boy who had so much open care for the people around him.

His string was still just a knot but so was the boys, or at least it seemed to have become a knot recently. That was one thing they had in common.

Chasing him around was tiring, but it all came to a head when he managed to grab him at the fire sage temple. He had his hands held behind his back and felt a tug at his finger, though he paid no mind to it until after him and the two water tribe siblings were tied up and Sokka seemed transfixed by his hand.

"What are you staring at?" He spat at them

"Your string, it hasn't always been there has it?"

"What string? I only have a knot."

"Look again ponytail" Katara said with narrowed eyes

He looked down and his heart sank when he saw the string, following the string his heart dropped further and further while his eyes widened. It lead directly to the room that only Aang was in. "No." He stared at the door with fear. He's been chasing his soulmate while seeing him as an enemy this entire time. He turned back to the siblings who had followed the line of the string as well and had smug looks on their face. "Please. Please dont cut it."

Their faces went from smug to shocked to cnfused in a matter of seconds "what? Why wouldn't you want to cut it? I mean yeah it hurts, but he's your en-"

"Just don't cut it okay? One of the last things my mom said to me was that the knot was a promise and made me swear to her that I'd accept whoever it was if I found them in this lifetime. So please... just don't cut the string..."

After they escaped Zuko fled to his ship and the Gaang fled to Appa. Once on Appa Aang noticed his string "woah! Its... its a link again.."

"Yeah," Katara turned to Sokka and nudged him to have him continue what she was saying

"Its Zuko"

"What? How would you know?"

"Well he was tied up with us and he sort of panicked and pleaded with us not to cut the string" Katara answered

Back on the ship Zuko was panicking and Iroh was trying to get him to explain what happened. He finally managed to form a solid sentence with "My soulmate is the Avatar and I dont know what to do anymore oh Agni this is so messed up"

They dont meet again until a little run in with some pirates. Zuko only managing to find them with the fact that he is in fact near by and that he's on the water. Without letting onto the pirates that he knew anything he managed to pay for their items and leave in search of the avatar and his group.

Floating down the river he hears Katara's voice and calls for a docking. Walking off the boat he's greeted by an irritated watertribe girl who just puts her hands on her hips and proceeds to half scold have interrogate him in a simple question "are you finally here to join your soulmate or are you still trying to capture us?"

"Uh, the first one- hey! Ow! Hey!" At this point she had grabbed his ear and was dragging him back to the group with the scroll in hand

"Be quiet, they dont know I walked off" and she had him stay quiet until she put the scroll back and she lightly shook Aang awake "hey, wake up, you have someone you need to talk to"

Aang rolled over and stared at Zuko who was just leaning against a tree staring him down. The two met eyes and then turned away quickly. After a bit they sitting on the shore, Zuko with his legs stretched out and leaning on his hands while Aang sat with his legs crossed and his hands holding tight to his glider.

"So..." Zuko started and found himself unable to actually form a sentence

"So?" Aang pressed

"We're soulmates huh?" Zuko said turning to him

"Yeah, I'd say it was shocking but you're the spitting image of Kuzon"

"Kuzon?"

"Oh, sorry, he was my soulmate before... before I went into the ice."

Zuko blinked once, twice, thrice and then looked at him "went into ice?"

"Oh, yeah, uhm, thats how I survived the hundred years while still being 16." He gave a small shrug "stuff happens"

"That would explain why I had a knot instead of a string" Zuko pointed "I always had just a knot and I figured I would never meet my soulmate in this life, let alone that it'd be the avatar"

"Yeah, well, sorry about your luck bu-"

"Why would you be sorry? This is a good thing, well, I hope it is... im not good with making the right decisions, but I promised my mom before she left that I'd choose to stand beside my soulmate if I happened to find them in this life so.. I'm making a decision and it doesn't matter if its right or wrong this time."

Looking at his feet he let out a small sigh "I know you and your group still have to decide if you want to accept me, but regardless of how you decide I won't be getting in your way anymore"

"Zuko, of course we'd accept you, I mean, Im sitting here... alone... well Katara and Sokka are in the tree's up there thinking we don't know they're there. But we trust you enough to have me relatively vulnerable with you so.. uh, welcome to the group."

"Thanks..."

"Oh right... you never learned my name huh? Aang... my name's Aang"

And he travels with them. He travels in the hopes of ending this war. When they finally do end the war, Zuko took the throne, and Aang set off to do his avatar duties. It took roughly six months for them to come back together, and when they did, they became inseparable.

They spent a good 6 years together before either of them decided to propose because the world was healing and they were the heads of this healing so of course they'd be caught up. However when Aang finally decided to propose it was with a ring he spent a good half of a year working on. He carved it out of redwood and used a lightning stone frome the beaches in the lightning pass as the decorative center. The wood had delicate carvings of Ran and Sha on either side of the stone. With the ring finished he held onto it waiting for the perfect moment. But of course it never felt right until one morning when they were sitting by the turtleduck pond.

Aang was tired of waiting for the perfect time. "Whats wrong love?" Zuko said with a small coo as he placed a kiss to Aangs jaw, given that he was at this point taller than him.

Aang pulled out the box and proposed right there, which Zuko in turn pulled out a box of his own, the ring was a delicate gold band with a moonstone decorated with rubies lining the band. The two ended up in tears by the time they got the rings on their fingers.

The wedding was a big event of course, not only was it their marraige it was the joining of the firelord and the avatar. Each nation wanted a small reception and of course Aang being the party type was more than excited to do multiple receptions.

#avatar the last airbender #avatar: the last airbender #prince zuko #atla zuko #zuko #avatar aang #atla aang #aang #i will die on my endless soulmate au hill #soulmate alternate universe #soulmates #soulmate #red string of fate #red string au #this got out of hand so fast and Im only a little sorry about it. not really though because I think its absolutely adorable

[stephhannes]

two years

nathan has been dead for as long as we were together.  

every person that i’ve talked to, every book that i’ve read, every sign that i’ve seen has pointed to “the second year after losing a partner is the hardest.”

this year wasn’t easy- but at least it made sense (for a little bit). in all honesty, i didn’t think i’d see the second year. the first year was so draining. i was so directionless. at least this year, i dug my heels in somewhere and gave it my best shot. i moved out of my mom’s house, i got three jobs, i lost fifty pounds, i took some genuine steps forward.

it didn’t always feel like progress, though.

it hasn’t felt like progress until now, when i’m sitting down trying to collect all my thoughts from the year. this year has felt rocky. every step forward came with two steps backward- i moved out of my mom’s house, and then a couple of weeks later accidentally ran over a dog and had to deal with not having a car for a little over a month. i started consistently going to the gym, and then i majorly sprained my ankle when i fell down a flight of stairs at work, which left me unable to work out for a couple of months, (and then when i started going back, i re-sprained the ankle while literally just walking down a sidewalk). i was depressed, stressed, but surprisingly well-dressed (aka i got my first professional haircut in 6 years and discovered the joy of a wide-legged pant).

and then, of course a pandemic hit and i gained ten pounds back, moved back into my mom’s house and started making more money on unemployment than i could have ever even dreamed of from physically working my three jobs.

there are some days where i’m proud of myself for doing what i’ve done this year- but every time i find myself positive for an extended amount of time, the voice in the back of my head is there, ready to make me feel like it’s all for nothing. i’ve said it a million times- i’ve got my whole life ahead of me, and i don’t want it. not without nathan. it all feels empty.

i’m trying though, and as someone said one time- “it’s the thought that counts.”

+++

i wanted to keep those last couple of paragraphs in, because they’re also how i feel- but the other day i had a moment of clarity. i was reflecting on what august 3rd, 2018 looked like. and i remembered how proud nathan was of me for doing so many things that seem like the bare minimum to me now. i did all of my errands in one day without taking a week to accomplish a few tasks, i read a book, i cooked dinner, i showered. he was proud of me, because at that time, accomplishing those things was a major feat for me.

the version of myself i am now, in august 2020 has no issue doing those things. i find it very easy to set out on a list of action items and get them done within a day. i consistently cook dinner for myself, and actually really enjoy it now. i still maybe don’t shower as often as i should, but that’s just who i am at the core of my being, honestly. i’ve read 23 books so far this year, literally before writing this blog i sat down and read an entire novel. it’s hard to imagine that the period of time between moving to philly and nathan’s death was probably my rock bottom, but it really was. even on my worst days, in the middle of the worst weeks in the last two years, i haven’t been as dangerously depressed as i was back then.  

+++

i keep accidentally telling people that i’m 23 years old when they ask my age. i think it’s because these last two years haven’t felt real. it’s weird, because the two years that nathan and i were together flew by so quickly. when he first moved to new york, we were dreading having to spend 9 months long-distance. we thought it would go by painfully slow, but it flew by.

and then our year in new york flew by.

we accomplished so much in those two years- three degrees between the two of us, living in three different states, undoing years of trauma, the usual.

time has seemed to stand still since he died. i laid in bed for a year, and then upgraded to laying in bed for only 16 hours a day for the second year.

i still haven’t figured out what i want to do, where i want to be, who i’m trying to become- and i think that’s contributing to the stagnation i’ve been feeling.

for years, being able to take care of nathan was a huge percentage of what i felt was my purpose. when we were in high school, my life revolved around dropping everything that was going on with me to be able to be there for him when he was struggling, on occasion he’d return the gesture.

when we were in college, and weren’t actively in each others’ lives, i grew up a lot. i discovered self-esteem, and learned how to be emotionally self-sufficient. as a child, i grew up lonely, and had always been pretty independent- in high school i let a little bit of that guard down to let nathan in, but in college i cemented my inability to accept help from other people. when nathan and i first started seriously talking again, i remember him trying to tiptoe around my feelings, and i was like “dude, i’m really not as sensitive as i was back in high school, you don’t have to treat me like a china doll, i can handle whatever you’re trying to say,” and i remember him responding with “you’re right. you’ve come a long way from that girl i met ten years ago.”

when we started dating, i resigned aspects of my personality. i tried to be more vulnerable. i tried to be less combative and defensive. when we got together, i changed my entire life for our relationship. i already had a job lined up for after graduation,  but when we got together, i immediately gave it up to commit to move to new york after i graduated- to be with nathan and support him through grad school. i remember the day he told me that he wouldn’t do the same thing for me. and it hurt. realistically, i know that it made sense for us to base our life around his career- obviously, i could have found a job anywhere, and no matter where it was, i wouldn’t have made any money. obviously, it made sense for both of us to invest in his success over mine- but it was hard to recognize that i so easily gave up everything to support his goals, when he wouldn’t have done the same thing for me, and he was so easily able to say that to me. this came up a lot when we were talking about our plans for the future. when we moved to philly, i got an opportunity to interview for a dream job, and while i was so excited about it- nathan discouraged me from pursuing it- because it was in theatre, which meant working nights and weekends, which meant that our schedules would become incompatible and we would never see each other.

it was a valid point, so we compromised. i’d go into the second interview for the job, but negotiate different hours and if that didn’t pan out, i wouldn’t take the job. nathan died a couple of days before the interview so i guess that problem resolved itself.

it would be unfair for me to sit here and paint a picture of him never doing anything for me though, that’s not the truth. i remember being shocked when he decided to not move forward with pursuing a phd. it was partially because that was the way the cookie crumbled, but a huge part of that decision was because he wanted to be able to spend time with me, and he wouldn’t have been able to if he was in a phd program.

i don’t regret setting my goals aside for him, it made sense. but more importantly, that’s what i wanted to do. i wanted to do whatever i could to make sure he had everything he wanted. he deserved it.

but it’s been weird to recognize all the things i subconsciously stopped doing throughout our relationship. i used to dye my hair once a week- but i didn’t dye my hair the entire time we were in nyc. additionally, my hair was the longest it’d ever been since like 2007 while we were together.  i used to have a quirky sense of style, but my outfits in nyc were pretty boring, even more boring once we moved to philly.  i think part of that was influenced by the fact that when i moved to nyc i was only able to take one suitcase of clothes, and focused on basics that would be easily multipurposed, and i couldn’t afford to upkeep haircut/color myself anymore, but i think part of it was influenced by this inherent desire to not be unattractive to nathan. a few months ago, i got my nose pierced, which was something that was definitely not on the table when nathan and i were together- and now i think my only personality trait is having a pierced nose, i can’t imagine my face without it. a few weeks ago i straight up shaved off half of my hair. and like, yeah it looks stupid, but it’s so freeing to be able to look stupid without worrying about what anyone else has to say about it. i’ve never cared what people think about my style, which is obvious in the way that i wore cat sweaters to school every day senior year of high school, and literally just everything i did between the years of 2005 and 2009- but i did always care about what nathan thought.

it’s been strange re-discovering these things. it’s felt weird to rebuild my personality, my interests, my goals without nathan in the picture.

+++

i’m not saying that i’m a person that believes that ‘everything happens for a reason’ (mostly because i think that’s a cop-out. it’s easy to justify anything as ‘happening for a reason’ when there’s enough distance between the event and the outcomes) but hypothetically, if i were, it would make a lot of our relationship make sense.

i’ve always been thankful that we never dated in high school- we would have straight up destroyed each others’ lives. we were both super toxic, and immature, and it wouldn’t have ended well. of course, when i was 16 and things weren’t working out, i thought it was the end of the world- but in retrospect, the people that we were in high school weren’t romantically compatible. i think it’s really special that we were able to have a successful relationship after the 10 years of drama. i think that it’s really special that when we were apart, we grew up into two markedly different puzzle pieces that ended up  fitting together perfectly. i think it’s really special that no matter what happened, no matter what city we were in, we always came back to each other periodically. no matter what.

when we got together, the timing wasn’t ideal- but it was the right time. we both knew that we would end up together at some point- i don’t think either of us would have been able to rest until it happened, and i think it’s really special that when we decided to take that chance, we didn’t know if things would work out, necessarily- but they did.

if i were to hypothetically believe that everything happens for a reason, i think it was a gift to me to be with someone that had already lost a partner. i learned a lot about differentiating between aspects of his personality that were genuinely who he was, and what was learned as a coping mechanism. i learned a lot about giving him space to grieve, how to be gentle with certain feelings and emotions. i learned a lot about how to push him to overcome trauma, but not push too far. all of that has given me a framework for what to expect and need from a partner in the future when i start seriously dating again.

if i thought that everything happened for a reason, the reason for our relationship was to teach me something. the difference between nathan and i was that he was a serial monogamist, constantly in a long-term relationship, and i was the exact opposite. by the time we got together, he’d been through the motions of dealing with someone for an extended period of time. and for me, our relationship was like a crash course in monogamy. moved in together as soon as we could, engaged on our 2nd anniversary. with the way that things panned out, i’m glad that we never took a break, that we moved quickly. i learned a lot about the importance of consistency and commitment.

but more importantly, i think our relationship was for him. it is infinitely heartbreaking to recognize that there are so many things that he will never get the chance to accomplish, so many things he’ll never see- but on the other hand of that, i watched him have a full character arc. it’s sad that he didn’t get to exist in this reality of being genuinely happy for longer, but i’m so grateful that he was able to rest there for a little while, at least. i’ll never forget all of the moments where he was so touched by me showing him what i thought of as just the bare minimum of human decency. there was one night that i stayed on the phone with him for 6 hours because he was having a bad night, and the next day he was so emotional because that was “the most loving thing” anyone’s ever done for him, but to me it was a no-brainer, of course i’m going to stay on the phone with you when you’re having a bad night, that’s what i’m here for. at the beginning of our relationship, he was nervous to be vulnerable around me, and every time he was scared to talk about something i’d have to remind him, “you’ve known me for 11 years, i’ve seen a lot, you’ve told me a lot, have i ever shamed you for anything you’d told me?” and he’d remember that, no, i’ve always been level-headed and understanding- and eventually we were able to work through things in a much more productive way.

i think a lot about all the things he was scared to talk to me about, and the thing i think about the most is that he was scared because someone in the past had given him reason to feel ashamed. i hate that for years, he felt like he had to compartmentalize himself.

and i remember after years of showing him this grace, of giving him all the space in the world to be exactly who he was- the day when i finally started seeing him sharing these parts of himself with people that weren’t me. i eventually started to see the walls he had built coming down, a brick at the time, but coming down nonetheless. and i was so proud.

it’s hard for me to let go of our relationship. i miss nathan every day- but i also have to keep reminding myself that i served my purpose. i did what i was supposed to do. i was a good, consistent partner. i loved him, and supported him, and gave him everything i could. the point of marriage is to stand by someone’s side until they die, and that’s exactly what i did. there’s nothing else i can do. our relationship was good, and it was short, but it was full of excitement and love and growth. it was everything that i dreamt of when i was 15 years old and had no idea what a relationship should look like. it was everything that i dreamt of when nathan and i were hesitant about trying to pursue a relationship.

it was everything.

+++

at a work training last year, we did an icebreaker where we paired up and randomly selected one question from a stack of prompts to answer and talk about with your partner. the question i got was “what’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?”

prior to nathan’s death, i don’t think i’ve ever been brave. i’ve always been timid, bravery was never an outward expression for me- maybe there were moments where i was quietly brave, but i would have never described anything i’d done as brave.

my answer to the question was “oh, i guess probably when i had to give nathan cpr”

here’s the thing, honestly when i think about that day, and the subsequent weeks, i’m in shock at how capable i was. for the first time in my life, in the midst of a literal crisis, i was calm, and solution-oriented. that’s not who i am, i love to catastrophize about the tiniest things.

i wouldn’t have been able to do it without nathan. without his endless patience. without his ability to be both firm with me when i was letting my anxiety get ahold of me, yet gentle enough to not hurt my feelings. without the years of him believing in me, even when i didn’t believe in myself. we set each other up for success.

+++

i feel like there’s been a lot of negativity in this blog, which isn’t the impression i’m trying to leave. i’m gonna be honest with y’all- with all this free time in quarantine, i’ve found myself out here revisiting stages of grief that i left behind months ago just for funsies. except nothing about it is what i would describe as funsies. it’s been a lot of anger, and i think that’s why there’s this underlying bitterness in what i’ve been saying.

it’s easier to get angry, to try to distance myself from the relationship, to make it seem like things weren’t great because it’s infinitely harder to remember how much i loved nathan and how much love i have left within me to give to him.

i’ve found myself awake in the middle of the night, revisiting old arguments, thinking of all the things i wish i’d said, revisiting moments where i’d wished i’d shown a little more backbone, revisiting moments where i wish i’d been gentler, or quicker to apologize. the problem is that i’m a lot more emotionally intelligent now- but obviously it’s easy to be a genius when you have two years to reflect on things, to dive in, to unpack everything and analyze it.

when i spend time thinking about these shortcomings, obviously they find their way into my writing. that’s just the reality of trying to be a reliable narrator. not every character is perfect.

the only way i know how to keep nathan close to me, to keep him around is writing about the time we spent together. and the reality of it is, that time was tumultuous for a solid 7 years. it’s been weird trying to navigate the line of “what are things that i want to keep just for us, and what are things i’m ok with sharing publicly?” i have an enormous online footprint. i’ve been a public figure online for like 10 years. i’ve always been on social media. i’m fine with that for myself- but my relationship with nathan was private, especially once we actually started dating. when it came to our relationship, neither of us publicly shared much. for awhile after he died, part of me wanted to keep everything for myself- not let anyone in. but then i remembered this sentiment that nathan shared with me time and time again- “i just want everyone to know that i’m yours.”

the other day i was looking through old instagram posts, and the one i made for our engagement literally just said “y’all ever uhhhh...get engaged?” and that was it. and that felt completely appropriate. i’ve always been skeeved out when couples post overly romantic garbage on social media. what are you trying to prove? why is it so important to you for people who barely know you to read a post and know how ~madly in love~ you are? performativity in relationships makes me so uncomfortable, and i’m really thankful that neither nathan nor i were interested in that at all- people that didn’t know us didn’t get to make conclusions about our relationship, and the people that did know us were able to make their own conclusions based on how they saw us interacting with each other, or how we’d talk about each other to our friends when we weren’t in the same room together. all of that time that others spend on taking a good picture for instagram, or writing a perfect caption, or whatever was time that nathan and i got to have just for ourselves. we spent as much time together as we could. 

my disdain of performativity runs even deeper than that, though. i’m even a little uncomfortable when a couples’ public wedding vows are too intimate. i always had two sets. there was the one that i read at nathan’s funeral- that was what i had planned on saying publicly at our wedding, but there was also another much more extensive letter that i was going to give to him privately. 

i feel like when i made that engagement post on instagram and facebook, a lot of people were like “wow that seems sudden!” but everyone that really knew us was like “oh hell yeah, i’m surprised it took this long” my coworkers literally predicted my engagement before i had even considered that it was going to happen. when i left work early for our anniversary someone straight up was like “if you don’t come back on tuesday with a ring on your finger i’m sending you back home.” because they’d heard the way i talked about nathan, they’d seen us interact with each other. it made sense.

we made it a point to not actively talk shit about each other to anyone else. which i think was really helpful for me specifically, a person who loves to hold a grudge- every time he did something that mildly annoyed me, i wouldn’t just pop off and vent to whoever, i’d just talk to him about it and the issue would resolve itself. on bigger issues, i would talk to my close friends about it but never in a “my boyfriend sucks” kind of way, just in a “this is an issue i’ve been having and idk the best way to resolve it, what are your thoughts?” kind of way.

for some reason, it’s always surprised me when i realized that nathan actually talked about me when i wasn’t in the room. like, obviously he would, but it was always surprising to me. when i first met his friends, a couple of people were like “oh!!! we’ve heard so much about you.” and i was just like wow i didn’t think that you’d even know that i existed. sometimes when i’d show up to a party someone would be like “so i heard that (celebrity) showed up at your work the other day, how was that?” and i would be like how do you know these things about me, and then i’d remember that nathan was talking about me and it was always super heartwarming.

after nathan died, a few people mentioned some particularly nice things he’d said about me when i wasn’t in the room, and every time someone would mention something, i’d be like “wow! i can’t believe this man that obviously loves me also loves me when i’m not around!” it’s like i’m a baby that still hasn’t learned about object permanence.

+++

i feel bad for not writing more this year. excluding this blog, i’ve only posted twice since last august. a big reason for that is every time i sit down to try to write something, whether it be a facebook post on a significant anniversary, or a full-length blog, i get discouraged because for right now, i feel like i’ve said everything i can say. i feel like the first year after nathan died, i was great at being poignant and sharing these little insights and as more time passes, as these anniversaries come again, i don’t have a better way to say what i’ve already said.

the core of every post is the same- i miss nathan. i love nathan. and for as long as i can find ways to say it, i will.

most days, missing nathan feels the same. it’s a dull ache that’s always there, but that i’ve grown accustomed to, that i’ve grown to live with. on occasion, it’s a more acute pain. the other night, i cried because i had the thought, “i wonder if my cats miss nathan,” i think they do, but for some reason, that thought made missing him hurt a little more that day.

i still mostly only sleep on my side of the bed, but the other day i got upset because i realized that my full-sized mattress seemed small. it’s never felt like that before.

the first year of our relationship, we shared twin sized beds, and it never seemed too small, not even with the two of us. when we upgraded to a full, it felt huge, it seemed like there was so much space between us when we were on our respective sides- by the morning we always ended up on the same side, literally attached to each other. the other night i found myself not understanding how i’d lived with a twin sized mattress my entire life, i felt claustrophobic with just myself and my laptop in the bed. it was just another physical reminder of how different things are, how different my perspective is now that nathan is gone.

the world feels a lot smaller without nathan in it.

[klynn-stormz]

Legally Swan Chapter 2

All right ya’ll, here is the second chapter to my fanfic “Legally Swan” It took me forever to get it on here, but chapter three will be coming here and to AO3 this sunday! Let me know what you think!

AO3: 1 l 2

Chapter 3

Her counselor stared at her in disbelief. “Harvard, you want to go to Harvard?”

“Not Just Harvard, Harvard Law.” Emma corrected smiling.

“Okay, you want to go to Harvard Law. One of the most prestigious universities in the nation. That Harvard Law.”

Emma nodded brightly. This was going to work.

“You realize it is one of the hardest places to get into.” The counselor asked concerned.

Emma stared at her; did she not think Emma knew what she was doing? “I know, I have a 4.0 GPA.”

“Yeah, in Fashion Merchandising. This is Harvard.” She paused and took a deep breath. “What are your backups?”

“I don’t have any backups. I’m going to Harvard.” Emma replied firmly. Her face was determined.

Sighing the counselor knew she was in for a ride with this student. “Okay, you will need excellent recommendations from your professors, an absolutely fantastic admissions essay, and at least a 175 on your LSAT.”

Emma’s heart squeezed; she could feel the excitement bubbling through. “No problem.”

She was ready to study till her eyes fell out. First stop, the library.

---

Once upon a time Emma had been all alone. She didn’t know what family was, what friends were, or what love was. Moving from foster home to foster home had taken a toll on her ability to trust, to let people in and show them her true self. It had taken a few years before she had even given Ingrid that opportunity. When people looked at her the first thing they saw was her hair, they assumed she was easy to manipulate; she knew every blonde joke anyone could come up with, and so she decided to play into that stereotype. People didn’t need to know that she was smart, that she had feelings and a hard life, she only wanted them to see what she wanted them to see, it made it easier to keep them at arm’s length.

Ingrid had changed a lot of that. She had seen through Emma’s act almost immediately, and didn’t any of Emma’s crap. It had thrown her for a pretty big loop, to have someone all the sudden caring about her, and Ingrid loved her. With Ingrid she learned how to love, though she still struggled sometimes with letting people in. Hell, even Neal only saw her as a pretty dumb blonde obsessed with designer things and playing her way through college. She supposed that had been her mistake, letting him only see that side of her for so long. But not all of it was a lie. As a foster kid, one doesn’t have many personal belongings, especially if they’re moved around a lot. So they learned to hang on to what they had with dear life.

Her stuff was not something that Emma took for granted, though she now lived in wealth she didn’t cast things aside. She found that she loved clothes, shoes, accessories, anything she could wear really. Her favorite item was her designer red leather jacket, she took it everywhere with her. Anything she viewed as sentimental she held onto like a dog with a bone. Occasionally it would be time to do some cleaning and clear out her horde of items, she always made sure to donate them to foster homes. Everyone deserved beautiful things. Her mom had taught her about fashion, helped her find her style. And when Emma had balked at the color pink at first, she had insisted that anyone could like pink, you didn’t have to dress drab to be serious.

“Really Emma, you’re judging again, anyone can wear anything they want. If you want to wear pink then I am going to buy you the damn shirt, it won’t affect your snark, I promise.” Ingrid had seen Emma eyeing a pink blouse with white flowers on it, but when she had suggested she try it on, Emma had sneered. Trying the shirt on Emma had felt beautiful.

So, Emma took to fashion and clothes faster than anything else. It was one of the biggest factors in her decision for her major. For a long time, Emma had wanted to be in law enforcement. When she was 8 years old, she had lived with a foster family who seemed nice enough, but they had left her at a park when taking the rest of their family on a picnic. Emma had only gotten there a week prior and didn’t know how to get back, so she sat on the swings and watched as it got darker and darker. Then, out of the blue, a nice lady had approached her and asked her if she was lost and where her family was. In the way of children, she explained that she didn’t have a family, but the one she was living with had left her there. The officer pulled out her badge to show Emma, and helped her find her way home. She had told Emma fun stories of being a police officer, Emma had never forgot it. She wanted to be like the officer and help people who needed it.

However, as graduation got closer and Ingrid’s and her relationship developed, Emma wanted to make her mom proud. Deep down she was sure that Ingrid wouldn’t have cared what her major was as long as Emma was happy, but she still had that fear of being cast aside, so she chose what had bonded her and her mom the most. Clothes.

---

Pulling up to her home she thought about her first time pulling through the gates. A lot of the foster homes she had been in hadn’t been well off, in fact quiet a few had just been fostering for the small stipend the government gave them to take care of the children. Seeing the large looming house, with a long winding driveway and the biggest yard she had ever seen. The house was at least 3 stories, a beautiful pristine white with navy blue shutters on each window. A garden wrapped around the entire house and even the edge of the property. Emma had thought it was something out of a fairytale at the time, and there was no way she believed that Ingrid would keep her. But she did, and became Emma’s closest confidant and her mother.

“Mom, I’m home.” Emma called from the foyer, one of the cleaning ladies let her know that Ingrid was out by the pool. She ran to her room and grabbed a swimsuit to join her, might as well keep her mom at ease while having this conversation.

“Emma!” Ingrid cried. “I’m so happy you’re home for the weekend, it is for the weekend right? We have so much to catch up on.”

Emma smiled at her mom, “Yep, home for the weekend. We haven’t had much time since the semester started.”

“And since that dolt Neal happened.” Ingrid added, she had never liked Neal. “I do hope you dump him before you graduate, he is the worst kind of person and doesn’t appreciate you enough.”

Emma winced, might as well dive right into it. “Neal broke up with me.”

Ingrid raised her eyebrows. “When? Darling are you okay, I know you cared for him.” The sharp turn from annoyance to concern lightened Emma’s heart a little.

“I’m okay, he- he broke up with me because he’s going to law school.” Emma paused, trying not to choke up at remembering the conversation. “Told me he needs someone serious, smart, with a good family.”

“He did WHAT?!” Ingrid shouted; her face turned red. “How dare that ignorant moron tell YOU he needs someone smart. The man needs someone to do is laundry for heavens sake! And he has the gall to talk about…” Ingrid couldn’t even finish. She had leaped from her deck chair and began pacing around the pool muttering.

“I’m going to ruin him!” She declared. “If that idiot thinks he can insult my daughter and get away with it he has another thing coming.”

Emma decided she should probably interrupt now before her mom started planning Neal’s murder.

“I’ve decided to go to Harvard.” She blurted. That gave Ingrid pause, she turned to look at her daughter curiously.

“What?”

“I’m going to Harvard; I’m going to become a lawyer.” She said with more conviction.

“Why?”

Emma blinked. “Why?”

“Why did you decide this?” Ingrid asked.

“Well, I-I wanted to go.” Emma shuffled. “It’s a perfectly respectable career, and you know I’ve always wanted to do something to help people.”

“But why now? Emma, I know that you chose Fashion Merchandising because you thought it would make me happy, I had hoped eventually you would be comfortable enough to do what you wanted. But I can’t help but fear that this is a reaction to Neal breaking up with you and him going to Harvard. You know I can see right through you, tell me the truth.” Ingrid’s eyes pierced into her.

She closed her eyes for a moment. “You’re right, I want to prove to him that I am worthy.” Before her mom could interrupt she hurried on. “I want to prove that I am good enough for him. Mom he doesn’t think that I’m smart, or serious. This will be my way to show him that I am. And then maybe, maybe he’ll take me back, he’ll realize he made a mistake.” When she was finished Ingrid walked over and hugged Emma tight.

“I’ll support you.” Emma started; she hadn’t expected it to be that easy. “But not for him, I believe in you Emma, I’ve always known that you were meant for greater things that just fashion, and you are going to show him what he missed. But you know what?”

“What?”

“You’re not going to take him back, you are going to realize that you are to good for him, that you deserve someone who loves you for you, not because you changed. You’re going to find yourself at Harvard, and finally see that you are worth more than Neal could ever understand.” Ingrid meant every word; her daughter was going to see herself how Ingrid saw her. Emma wasn’t sure how to react, relief had swept through her at Ingrid’s support, but she wasn’t sure how to convince her of Neal. It would have to wait, she decided, she had plenty of time to deal with that later.

“Now, how can I help?” Ingrid asked. Emma began to explain to her all the requirements her counselor said she would need.

---

Emma hired a tutor to help her study for the LSAT’s. She skipped sorority parties, dances, most every social event over the next few months in favor of studying. While her sorority sisters didn’t fully understand why she would want to do that, they supported her. There helped time her during their workouts, they helped her focus when she was distracted. She had never thought she would have such a group of support, and she didn’t know what she would have done if she hadn’t had it. When the time came for the exam, she was so nervous she was sick that morning. Her sisters helped her clean up, get ready and Ana and Rapunzel waited outside the building while she took the test.

Since she wouldn’t know her score for at least three weeks, Emma decided to focus on her admissions essay. At first, she had no idea what to do, she knew she needed to stand out from other applicants. She talked to her mother about it and got the idea to do a video for it. Her mother hired a professional videographer, her sisters helped choose outfits and write the script. She had even googled was made a good admissions essay. She felt a little ridiculous making the video, but her mom and sisters had convinced her it would be fantastic.

Video:

“Hi, my name is Emma Swan and for my admissions essay I am going to tell you why I am going to be an amazing lawyer.” Emma stood in her favorite red leather jacket, white blouse, and slacks.

“As part of a sorority I am skilled in group settings as well as working on my own. I am skilled at commanding a room, fighting for change, and good reasoning.” The video cuts to a sorority meeting Emma leads about the change they want for curtains. One shot briefly showed Emma punching a guy in the face for peeking through the windows of the sorority, before going back to the meeting.

“It’s come to my attention that the drapes in the front room are see through at night we have enough to deal with without adding in creeps coming around, all those opposed to peepers say ‘aye’.” The whole room agreed and the next shot showed the drapes being changed.

“I have a fantastic memory.” The screen now shows her the grass with a friend sunbathing.

“Emma, do you remember what happened on the Good Place last season?” The video pans out as Emma explained the season finale.

“I am comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. I enjoy challenging others on their views.” There was a wolf whistle in the background and Emma turned to confront the man.

“In conclusion, I believe in helping everyone, I want to make a change in the world. As a foster child most of my life, I learned that everyone deserves a chance. My mom took a chance on me, taking me in. Now I ask you to take a chance on me too. Because I can guarantee that I will be an amazing asset to Harvard, and an amazing future lawyer.”

---

Emma still wasn’t too sure about the video, the more she watched it the more ridiculous she felt. Would they even take her seriously? She voiced her concerns to her mother, who responded. “It’s not about taking you seriously, they’ll see that in your grades and your score, this is about showing them who you are and setting you apart from the rest of the applicants.” After that talk she calmed down.

Then her score for the LSATs came. She had been at the sorority home most of the day, studying, exercising and trying to distract herself. A scream came from the front of the house, causing her to rush to see what the commotion was about. When she saw Ana waving an envelope frantically in the air while squealing and jumping up and down, hear heart stopped for just a moment. This was it. Emma rushed down the stairs and shakily tore open the envelope. The girls who were in the house had surrounded her, chattering excitedly. Taking a deep breath, Emma pulled out the letter and stared, then she screamed.

“179!!”

The rest of the girls screamed and cried. Everyone congratulated her and they began to plan a party right away to celebrate.

With her score in hand and her admissions video edited, she submitted her Harvard application as quickly as possible. Now she just had to pray that the board would see that she was meant for this.

---

In a room in Harvard the board sat quietly. They had just watched Emma’s video and weren’t quiet sure what to do.

“It’s different than anything we’ve had before.” One of the members put it.

“She has a 4.0 GPA and a 179 on the LSAT.” Another chimed in.

“But she’s a fashion major.” Another argued.

“We’re always looking for diversity.” The first responded.

“Her charity work and extra curriculars are impressive.” One admitted.

“I think we should take a chance on her.” The last in the room spoke up.

The head of the board turned to the screen, a still of Emma smiling confidently at all of them.

“Emma Swan, welcome to Harvard.”

#cs fic #captain swan #legally blonde au #cs ff #captain swan ff #legally swan

[just-another-winchester]

Come Hell And High Water

An Endless Maiden voyage

Chapter Six

Pairing: Dean x y/n

Word Count: 4363

Summary: During a fight with a djinn you get sent into your dreams. Soon finding out Dean and Sam are stuck in your dream as well you have to find a way out of your dream before it becomes your worst nightmare.

Warnings: Angst, violence, death

A/N: Well this is it! The last chapter! Thank you guys so much for your interest and feedback, it meant a great deal as I was pushing myself to write this for you all, I can easily say this was the easiest, and hardest series I’ve done yet. I will remind you, I’m no expert. I made a concerted effort with all of the facts that I included in this series, but don’t automatically consider them, find out for yourself and learn a little about this amazing ship. Thank you all for joining me on this voyage, enjoy the last chapter, and have a great day!

One more HUGE thanks to @amanda-teaches for being my best friend and emotional support throughout these past few chapters. I love her dearly and if anyone doesn’t know her then they are missing out!

You weren’t quite sure what you were expecting as the sinking went on. By now, the head was going down further and further, only two lifeboats had been launched, and it was already almost one o clock. You couldn’t figure out your own emotions.

On one hand, the character of a typical woman from 1912 was desperate and afraid of dying, especially considering you knew exactly what was happening, and what was going to happen, but, on the other hand, you knew that being a victim of the ship was the only way to get out of this dreadful nightmare.

The three of you hadn’t taken long below decks, running around, yelling, and waking people up. It seemed to do the trick. Many people were standing on the decks already, most of them confused, many of them angry for being disrupted, but you could see the concern in their eyes.

“Alright, how do we get off?” Dean yelled in question over the loud noise of the chatter and shouting

You ran to the railing and peered over the port side, leaning quite far over, to the point where Dean had to hold on to you, just in case.

“D deck! They opened the gangway doors to load the boats further but no one used them. We can get down there and jump down, but the water is bitter so be prepared for it!” you told him.

Dean nodded. “Lead the way!”

You made your way through the crowd, checking behind you every few seconds to make sure the guys were following you and hadn’t gotten caught up in the crowd.

Before entering the ship again, you heard a blast. Looking up into the sky, you saw the first rocket to be released. A red flare of color exploded into the night sky as you stopped for a moment, completely entranced by your situation.

You felt a hand on your shoulder and you turned, looking up at Dean as tears began to slip from your eyes.

“Hey, we need you right now. You gotta hold on,” he told you, giving you a quick hug.

Dean was hard to read sometimes, and difficult to put up with others, but, despite not being a terribly touchy man, you loved him, because he always knew what you needed.

You found comfort in his arms and you gave yourself a moment to relax against his chest before nodding at him. “C’mon,” you told him.

You walked inside the ship. Passengers were milling about, some in their night clothes, others half dressed, and a few in full evening dress. Many of them were wearing warm coats and lifebelts.

You made your way through the crowd, pushing and shoving until you got to the elevators. The boys who were there to operate it were quite literally boys, and the sight of them saddened you as they told you the lifts weren’t open.

“Damn,” you muttered, turning away towards Dean.

“Let's go down the stairs!” he told you, pointing to the grand staircase. You nodded and hurried in the direction of the stairs. As you approached, a crowd of dirty, soot-covered stokers ascended the stairs, and you heard shocked gasps in reaction to them, but you simply pushed through them and led Sam and Dean down to where you needed to go.

You ran down a couple of flights of stairs before reaching D deck. You could feel the evident tilt downwards, and you did your best to keep your footing as you led Dean and Sam to the open gangway door.

No one was around anywhere. The corridor was empty, a couple of coats were on the floor, but that was all that you could see.

You stopped at the door, gripping the wall as you looked out. The water was nearly up to the door now. Part of you wanted to shut it. You could go back up. By now the bow would be nearly submerged, and you could get away from there, but you chose to continue as you were.

“You guys jump down!” you said. You were louder than you meant to be. It was quiet down here, the only sounds were the softer ones of outside on the boat deck and a few groans of the steel ship.

You began trying to help the both of them jump into the water, but, just as you were about to let Dean down, you heard crying, loud, desperate crying.

You turned to see if you could hear where the sound was coming from, but it echoed through the halls.

Dean had noticed your pause and looked at you. “Y/N...” he said cautiously.

You squeezed his hand before letting go and running to find the crying child.

You were fast, luckily, and it took you no more than a minute to descend to E deck, which was already practically flooded. You jumped down into the water and froze. You’d heard the water described many times, and in many ways, but this, nothing was on your mind but the freezing temperature of the water at your knees. You shivered as the child returned to your mind with the sound of another cry. You chased after it, trudging through the water, hoping that keeping yourself active and moving would keep your body temperature up so you could find the kid.

“Keep crying!” you called out when silence was left. “Keep crying so I can find you!”

You heard another scream, nearly deafening with panic and fear. You followed it to a third class room, opening the door to find a little boy, no older than three, sitting on a bed with tears streaming down his face, his little face red and eyes laced with fear.

You began to walk towards him before you realized that you didn’t know what to do. What if his mother left him there while she went to get his father, or someone else? If you took him, then anyone who might be looking for him would be down there and would end up trapped and drowning because you’d taken the child. But, if no one was looking for the child, if the commotion had distracted whoever the boy was with, then leaving him there would be a death sentence.

You made a decision to take him before again rethinking it, stopping in your tracks as you heard someone near you trudging through the water as well. You turned to see Sam and Dean.

“Dammit Y/N!” Dean yelled. “This is a dream, leave him so we can get out of here.”

“I’m not leaving him!” you insisted.

“Y/N!” Dean tried again.

“I’m not leaving him. I don’t care if this is a dream, or if he’s not real. It’s as real to me right now as it ever will be and I won’t leave him!”

Dean sighed and pushed through the door, the water waving the door to the room back and forth. He lifted the child into his arms and pushed back through to you and Sam.

By now, the water was up to your waist and Sam and Dean’s thighs. You took the boy in your arms and held him against your chest, doing your best to comfort him.

“You guys need to get out of here! I’ll take him up and see if I can get him in a lifeboat.”

Dean and Sam shook their heads. “Not happening, we need to stay together,” Sam told you.

You gave him a grateful look, nodding. “Okay, but we need to be quick,” you said as you walked back into the room, grabbing a blanket from one of the beds and wrapping it around the child.

Holding the boy tightly in your arms, and hoping the blanket would keep him warm, you and the guys made your way back to the stairs. You couldn’t tell if it were harder walking in the water or after you were out of the water. Even though you were out of it, you were drenched now, and so freezing, you felt your legs were practically numb.

The three of you hurried up the stairs yet again, running out to the boats. You looked down port side, trying to remember if anything went wrong. You knew one lifeboat was dropped, but no one was hurt because of it.

You ran down the way to the closest lifeboat, and you reached out with one arm to get the officer’s attention, batting at his shoulder as the man was about to lower and launch the boat.

“Wait! Wait, I have a child! Please let him on, let someone take him!” you yelled.

“There’s no room, miss!” spoke the officer.

“No, not for me, just him, let him sit in someone’s lap, please, I’m begging you!” you told him.

The officer looked you over, his face displaying his thoughts clearly, that he shouldn’t, but he would.

“Alright, pass him to someone!” he yelled, moving so you could reach the boat.

“Someone, take the boy!” you yelled into the lifeboat. This boat was mostly filled with women, there was so much more room, so the claim that no one else could fit made you want to punch the man, but he had let you hand over the boy, so you weren’t going to argue.

One woman reached out to take him, asking, “What’s his name!?”

“I don’t know, I found him crying below decks. I couldn’t find anyone who knew him, so I brought him up, just take care of him, please!?”

You set the child down, wrapping the blanket around him tightly in hopes he would keep warm.

“Stay safe,” you whispered to him, kissing his little forehead. The child began to cry again, clearly not wanting to leave his protector as his little hand fought the blanket and tried to grab for you.

Before he could, you lifted him back into your arms and leaned over as far as you could, Dean and Sam both holding onto you as you struggled to pass the boy over.

For a solid minute, you were terrified you may drop him, and that would ruin you. Your nerves were already shot, but dropping the child into the freezing sea would push you over the edge.

Luckily, many of the women in the boat worked together to pull him in safely.

Even though he’d only been in your charge for a few minutes, it hurt letting the little boy go.

You waited, watching the boat lower into the water slowly. For a moment, the lifeboat remained suspended by the ropes before you watched it drop a few feet down to the ocean. You gasped, your heart skipped, but you saw that everyone was safe. You could still hear the little boy crying, for you, for his parents, for something or someone, and it made your heart ache.

Once you saw the boy was safe, wrapped in his blanket in the arms of a young woman with two other children by her side, you stepped away from the edge.

You grabbed Dean by the arm to get him to follow you as you ran back down to the bow. The ship was tilting down the head terribly now, and it was difficult to keep your balance as it also had a significant list to port. Your legs were still bitterly cold from your time finding the little boy, and you were beginning to lose your energy, but it wasn’t until you reached the bow, and witnessed the sight before you that you lost all reason.

The port side of the bow was already covered in water, making the list even more obvious. You watched the sea slowly creep up the deck, making you sick to your stomach.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. Fear took over, complete and utter despair as you covered your mouth with your hand, backing away and falling into Dean before leaning down to the ground.

“No, no no no,” you cried, tears now dripping from your eyes.

Dean gripped your shoulders. “Y/N! It’s a dream, we have to go into the water, it’ll be okay, we’ll wake up!” he told you, but you were too far gone, reason had completely disappeared by now and you turned into survival mode. You stood again, looking at Dean as if he weren’t even there.

“No, no no no no no!” you yelled, turning and running up the stern. You were shaking from head to toe, terror gripping your heart as you tried to wipe the tears from your eyes, your vision constantly blurry from the sight.

You stumbled forward, half blind and out of your mind with fear as you reach a railing from an empty lifeboat davit. You fell into it, using your arms and hands to grip it tightly as Dean and Sam chased after you.

You finally broke down, falling onto your knees and sobbing, shaking your head and repeating the word “no” as if you still didn’t believe any of it.

“Y/N!” Dean called as he approached you, getting on his knees as he reached you.

“Y/N, snap out of it! It’s just a dream, we have to get into the water, it’ll all go away, we just need to wake up!”

You shook your head and looked at him with red-rimmed and tear-filled eyes.

“I can’t,” you stuttered out. “I can’t. I’m so scared, Dean, I’m so afraid, I can’t move. I don’t wanna be here, I don’t wanna die here. If it’s just a dream, then why is it so real!?”

You sobbed through your words, tears falling onto your wet and freezing skirt as Dean laid his hands on yours, that were gripping the railing.

“I know, I know you’re scared but it’s the only way out. This isn’t real, it’s supposed to feel real, but you have to remind yourself it isn’t! It’s a nightmare, it’s just a terrible nightmare.”

You allowed yourself to release the rail, falling into Dean’s arms. You began hyperventilating, still struggling to calm yourself.

“I can’t breathe,” you cried, gripping your chest, “I can’t, I can’t breathe.” You bent over against the older Winchester, practically curling up into the fetal position.

At this point, it had been more than two hours since the Titanic hit the iceberg. You had found the boy just after one, got him into a lifeboat at one-thirty, and it took about ten more minutes for you to calm down enough to breathe, though it was still a struggle.

It was now two o clock.

You wiped your face as the climb to the stern would become steeper and steeper, and you were genuinely surprised you weren’t slowly slipping down the deck like a slide.

You wiped your eyes and stood with the help of Dean. It was still difficult to remain calm, but Sam came to your side, and you took his hand and squeezed it to show him your thanks.

You were on the stern end of the ship now, just behind the fourth funnel, and there wasn’t much time left. You were still afraid, you didn’t want to just jump into the waters.

Still, you found yourself running, or jogging, down to the bow carefully as the steep incline was difficult to stand on. You heard explosions from within the ship that made your eyes widen. You were halfway to the bow now, your movements careful. There was no standing at all, you really were just sliding down like a slip n slide. Dean fell into the water first, then Sam. But you were still afraid, and held onto the railing, using your lower body strength to keep your legs out of the water.

You could see both men struggling, and you didn’t know what to do. The passengers left on the ship were screaming bloody murder, noises of terror all around you and filling your ears.

Then, the lights flickered and went off.

It was darkness, stillness, for a solid minute, a moment that felt like it lasted a lifetime before you heard the groan of the ship, the steel splitting. There was a loud boom, like rocks being dropped down a metal slide, or the roar of an excited crowd.

“Dean!?” you yelled, terror taking over you again. “Dean!” You wailed, your voice breaking, your throat feeling like it was just ripped apart.

Then, you felt the ship split.

You heard a yell from Dean, then felt someone near you. You heard Sam call his brother’s name, and you knew that it was Sam, but you also knew that Dean had been pulled under by the suction of the ship. That fact alone made your heart stop.

For a moment, all you could hear was your own breathing, tears streaming down your cheeks again. Sound and time picked up again and you were brought back to the real world. You reached down to where Sam was, but found nothing. Your eyes widened. He was gone too.

You were alone.

“No!” you wailed again, completely terrified as the stern of the ship began to sink into the water, pulling you down with it. You gasped for air just before falling under the surface. You kicked and fought to reach the world above again, your arm reaching upward, or at least you thought.

You’d been tossed by the flow of the water around the ship, spinning, turning over, you didn’t know which way was up, but you still fought the current that tried to hold you down.

You held your breath until your lungs were burning. Finally, you couldn’t stand it anymore, you breathed in and felt the sea water fill your lungs. Your eyes widened beneath the surface of the water. For the most part, it was a blurry mess, but you could make out so many people as you were pulled down with the ship.

You didn’t last much longer. You’d taken your last breath, the Titanic disappeared, and took you with it.

----

Your eyes opened, you gasped for air and took a moment to register where you were.

Above you was a dark ceiling. You turned your head and found Dean, right beside you. He helped you sit up, and, through the bit of daylight beginning to shine through the broken windows of the even more broken home, you could see his face, his eyes reading concern.

You recalled your dream, everything that had happened to the very last moment of breath, and you fell apart.

Dean wrapped you in his arms as you hugged him tightly, sobbing and wailing with grief from everything you’d just witnessed, been part of. You saw Sam in the room, standing over the dead djinn and watching you with concern as you sobbed into Dean’s chest. You remained there for a good ten minutes or so just crying, harder than you’d cried in a long time, accepting the comfort of your boyfriend as you cried out every last bit of strength you had.

---

You’d fallen asleep after crying in Dean’s arms, and the boys carried you to the car and packed up, heading for the bunker.

You woke up a short while later. After arriving home, the three of you grabbed a beer and sat down in the library to talk about the strangeness of the ordeal.

“I still don’t understand how we got stuck in your dream,” Dean said. “And, since it was us the whole time, why did we think we were someone else? I mean, that was trippy.”

You shook your head. Your voice was hoarse from crying, and the beer probably wasn’t helping much with that.

“I didn’t realize that a djinn could send people into their nightmares. I thought it was a dream state thing, so they wouldn’t want you to escape.” That was Sam’s analysis.

“He was pissed at me,” you spoke. “I killed his friend, or family or… whatever the first djinn was, I killed him and he got mad, he wanted to punish me. So he trapped you in there so I was forced to watch you guys endure something I’ve viewed as one of the most horrible deaths possible, knowing that I couldn’t save you.”

They both looked at you, and Dean taking a drink of his beer before muttering “Bastard.”

“I’ve never seen a djinn so aware. That one was odd, no doubting that,” Sam said to you. “I guess I didn’t realize they could actually manipulate their powers like that.”

“Who knows, who cares,” you said, shaking your head, wanting to leave the subject behind forever. “The thing’s dead now. Doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Well, I’m beat. I’m gonna go get my four hours,” Dean said, standing up and leaving his empty beer bottle on the table. Sam stood and took his and Deans bottles, walking away, probably to the kitchen.

Dean walked over to you, but you remained seated, your mind wandering through the last couple days. “Hey, you still here?”

You looking into your bottle and nodded, looking up at him and offering a reassuring smile.

He reached out, and took your hand gently to remind you he was there. You accepted it and gave it a squeeze, pressing a kiss to his knuckle. You didn’t want to let go, but released it anyway.

He moved his hand onto your shoulder, then let it slide across your back as he walked away, heading to his room to sleep.

You were left alone in the large room, your thoughts your only company as you went over what was the last few days in your mind.

You’d enjoyed the Titanic, and then suffered it. The entire ordeal truly was a nightmare, one that you wanted to erase from your mind.

Tears began to slide down your cheeks again as you looked at your phone.

Monday, April 15th, 3:00 in the morning.

You shut your eyes as the tears slid down your face, putting your hands over your face and crying silently for a moment before muttering aloud.

“I’m sorry,” you cried. “I’m so sorry.”

--

The RMS Titanic set off on its maiden voyage on April 10th, 1912 in the early morning. After years of planning, designing, and building, the ship had become the pride of its workers and the pride of Belfast. It set sail from Belfast on April 2nd on its sea trials, before making its way to Southampton, resting there for six days, before its first voyage.

Later that day, Titanic stopped at Cherbourg, picking up more passengers, before heading over to Queenstown, Ireland and arriving the next day, the 11th, where it picked up more passengers and dropped off a few as well.

For three days, the ship steamed on, sailing the open ocean while the passengers enjoyed the luxury of the brand new ship, believing in the complete safety of the vessel.

On the fifth day of its voyage, in the last few minutes of the 14th, the Titanic struck an iceberg on its starboard side, punching holes beneath the waterline and flooding the boiler rooms.

The ship began to go down by the head, its bow sinking further and further into the sea.

Twenty lifeboats were on the ship, 14 clinker built boats, that could carry 65 passengers. 2 wooden cutters for emergencies, that could carry 40 passengers, and 4 Englehardt collapsibles, that could carry 47 passengers.

Due to lack of lifeboat training, many of the boats were filled half full, and one even had only 12 aboard it, even though it was made to carry 65.

706 survivors made it into lifeboats while the ship was slowly swallowed by the ocean. Some, even in the lifeboats, died of hypothermia, and their bodies were removed and set adrift to make room for living survivors.

It took Titanic 2 hours and 40 minutes to sink beneath the waves of the Atlantic, largely thanks to the engineers and stokers below decks, who continued to work to keep the lights on and systems working as long as possible.

In the end, a total sum of 1,503 people went into the water that night. Chief designer Thomas Andrews, American businessman; John Jacob Astor, co-owner of Macy’s Department store; Isador, and his wife Ida Strauss; as well as First Officer Murdoch, Marconi operator Jack Phillips, and Captain Edward John Smith. Among these names were many lesser-known victims.

A Mr. John Thayer, husband to Marian Thayer, and father of Jack Thayer; third class couple John and Catherine Bourke, who were expecting their first child; James Flynn and Nora Flemming; Michel Navratil, who boarded the ship with his sons under a false identity.

More than a thousand others found their fate to be forever tied to the sinking of the Titanic and became part of a number that would live on forever. 340 bodies were recovered. Some were relieved of their lifebelts and their bodies left to the ocean, others taken and buried in Halifax.

No remains can be found in the wreck today. Nothing more than shoes, clothes, and belongings that tell their story, now that they cannot.

What they suffered shocked the world, and left many of the survivors haunted for the rest of their lives. The Titanic wasn’t just a tragedy. It marked the end of an era, and end of peace, as it was followed by The Great War, what we know now to be World War 1, followed by the Great Depression a decade later, then World War 2.

It’s a ship that will never be forgotten, for it was a tragedy that happened against the belief of everyone aboard who believed the ship to be unsinkable and were terribly proven wrong.

The very best that we can do now, is remember them.

What happened cannot be changed, can never be stopped, and will be cemented in history for the rest of eternity.

The Titanic was a tragedy that changed many lives. Nothing can change that. So, let’s honor those who died.

It’s April 15th, a new day. The voyage had ended, but for many, it will go on.

It will be an endless maiden voyage.

MY TAG LIST IS WIDE OPEN!!

Dream Team

@spn67-sister @queen-of-deans-booty @ria132love @winchestergeekfreak @maui137 @katymacsupernatural @jayneysimp @emoryhemsworth @just-another-busy-fangirl @jensensjaredsandmishaslover @mogaruke@kristendanwayne @cassieraider @squirrel-moose-winchester@hms-fangirl @heyitscam99  

Dean Team

@akshi8278 @polina-93 @aubreystilinski @-lovepeacenhope- @waywardbaby97 @missjenniferb @whimsicalrobots@rainflowermoonlibrary

Titanic Tags

@claitynroberts @atc74 @woodworthti666 @strangedeerconnoisseur @avocadean @topendi @winchestergeekfreak @meowmeow-motherfucker

#titanic #supernatural #supernatural titanic miniseries #titanic fiction #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester #sam winchester #dean x reader #reader x dean #chapter 6 #last chapter #angsty #supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic #supernatural fiction #supernatural fic #spn fiction #spn fanfiction #spn fic

[godsofmonster]

Between us

Namjoon x Reader x Taehyung-  Boyfriend vs. Ex au

Word Count- 4.9k

Warnings- cheating and angst.

“Here, between us, I need you to know the truth…I haven’t stopped loving you, in my deep bitterness, I’ve held back screams while seeing you with him every day for the past three damn years.”

I stared into a pair of eyes that resembled the soul of a lost man. A man that was torn between love and loyalty. A man that hated the very air he breathed.

Lights draped low from the ceiling, they were dusky in a warm glow, giving an almost suggestive atmosphere to the room. To complement the lighting was soft piano music that sailed over our heads in the crowded space.

We all sat at a table that dwelled at the far corner of the restaurant. There were many people, as to be assumed, from one of the most luxurious restaurants in Seoul. Though, it was as if, we had a reserved division just for ourselves tonight. It was a special occasion after all.

“We might just have to make a run for it,” Hoseok joked from across the table. He lightly patted Yoongi’s arm, who sat alongside him, while he chuckled at his own fun. “We already ate the food and I think paying together is still not going to be enough.”

“Or we’ll just leave you and Miné here to work off the rest of the money.” Yoongi snickered in response, a slight smirk of his own spreading on his fleshy lips.

Hoseok and Miné dramatically gasp in unison, the similarities of the couple caused me to giggle to myself. It prompted me of when I first met Miné about eight months ago, she was so bashful when she and Hobi began dating. Now, they were practically one person, with one mind, and I really loved them together.

“Don’t worry about the bill guys,” Namjoon spoke up right beside me, “I’ll put in whatever is left over.”

“Babe, no, it's your night,” I whined softly, grabbing onto his arm to get him looking in my direction. He smiled shyly at my touch, his dimples on display along with a bloom of color on his cheeks.

“Hey, it's my night too!” Jin abruptly exclaimed from the end of the table. I cut my eyes playfully, turning to stick my tongue out at him, making Jin widen his eyes in disbelief, “(Y/n)! I’m older than you! You have to show me some respect!”

“Baby what are you talking about?” Kimiko, his longtime girlfriend laughed, in the seat near him, reminding Jin that, “You always let Jungkook get away with that kind of stuff.”

We all entered a state of laughter as Jin proclaimed his girlfriend's betrayal. Jungkook and Jimin particularly were drowning in their laughter as Jin proceeded to rant beyond the table, “And for your information, Jungkook is a muscle pig! He is capable of ruining this handsome face- is that what you want?!”

We were all out together to celebrate Jin and Namjoons upcoming graduation from our university. The rest of us still had a few semesters or even years to go, as was the case for Jungkook, but they were going to be the first ones.

I was so incredibly proud of my boyfriend, who I started dating shortly after I began school with them. That was three years ago and I never thought that I would end up loving him as much as I do now. He made me feel beautiful and smart. He supported me through some of the hardest decisions of my life and I could trust him with my deepest, darkest, fears.

Though I could not lie to myself, I was afraid that things were going to change now that he was graduating. Namjoon wouldn’t be a few buildings away from me anymore. He was in the process of getting a place of his own and, even though he was trying to stay as close to me as possible, I knew he would eventually have to move to wherever he could find employment. I hadn’t said anything to Namjoon about it yet, I figured he already knew since he had been acting unusual lately, especially tonight.  I would support him unconditionally, of course, but deep down I didn’t want anything to change between us.

“Hobi-hyung, you better get your hands ready to wash some dishes because I still have enough room for dessert.” Jungkook smiled, reaching out for the dessert menu he had at hand. As Hoseok accused Yoongi of starting up this idea. I got a sight of Jungkook elbowing Taehyung's' arm on his other side. Taehyung was pulled from his innermost reflections, he had been oddly mute all night, everyone had noticed by now. Then, as I was seamlessly staring, Taehyung and I locked eyes. I glanced away instantly, pretending that I was looking at Jungkook instead.

“Hey Kookie, hand me the menu next,” I said trying to play it off further. Still, I felt Taehyung’s stare remain, even as Jungkook handed me the menu to look at.

Taehyung and I’s relationship was a little bit on the complicated side, due to our past romance. We dated throughout most of high school and broke up at the beginning of my senior year, two years before I had met Namjoon. I was in complete distraught when I found out that they were actually really close friends and thought that would be the end for us. Except it wasn’t, Namjoon was very mature about the condition and addressed Taehyung about it. I recalled that Taehyung was absolutely unconcerned about the situation, not to my surprise. Taehyung had always been the type of guy to have a new girl every time you saw him, women came easily, that was ultimately our downfall. Though Taehyung and I never spoke directly about it, everyone kind of just overlooked the fact that we ever dated and I tried to do the same.

I would be lying if I claimed to not hold the slightest bit of resentment toward him. He wasn’t an easy man to get over and he hurt me in many ways, ways that I had to overcome, in order to create a healthy relationship with Namjoon. He never asked about my past involvement with his friend and even if Namjoon did, I could never bring myself to tell him everything. It would surely affect their friendship, and so, I let everyone believe all Taehyung and I had was a fling.

“Do you want anything baby?” I asked Namjoon, referring to the dessert menu I had forced myself upon. My eyes moved from the print and picture to look at Namjoon, who was once again lost in his own head staring blankly at the almost empty plate in front of him. “Babe?”

He hummed as he noticed my call for him, “Are you alright?”

I whispered, leaning in near him to avoid the others overhearing us. Namjoon nodded his head, smiling and scratching his scalp. He scooted the chair he sat in, back, a little heavier than he would have liked too, getting everyone’s awareness.

“Uh, I’m just going to step outside for a second. I need to make a call.” He said, now somewhat speaking to everyone. I watched him as he awkwardly made his way across the room, the restaurant was so big, I had lost him before he even made it to the front door.

“Namjoon seems a bit nervous, doesn’t he (Y/n)?” Kimiko said to me as everyone began to discuss something else. I nodded my head as I myself fell silent, worried about what could be bothering Namjoon.

“Oh he’s fine,” Jin brushed off, still stuffing his mouth with a large slice of steak. “He’s just having an off day.”

Though it hadn’t just been today, it had been for a couple of weeks since I first noticed. I concluded that I would find out after dinner, once we were alone and had time for just us two. “(Y/n) pass the dessert menu this way.”

Jin announced while his mouth still was full of meat, Kimiko shaking her head even though she was not surprised at her boyfriend's habits. I did so and then went on to excuse myself from the table before making my way over to the ladies room.

-

I pumped the lavender scent soap in my hands, running them under warm water and scrubbing. My hands smelled of the food I had just eaten and I did not want the smell to haunt me all the way home.

With my fingertips wet, I tried to adjust the mess that was my hair in the mirror in front of me. Most of my make up was still intact, except for the lip product I had on, clearly. I reached into my handbag and dabbed on a little bit of lip balm before tossing it back. One last adjustment of my dress and I was making my way out of the bathroom.

The restrooms were hidden away in a small hallway far from our table and to my complete astonishment, Taehyung was outside of the restroom, promptly leaning against one of the walls. I froze in my tracks immediately, feeling my stomach sink with dread.

His dark, almost black, hair bounced as he pushed himself off the wall and walked undeviating my way. I clenched my handbag tight, watching him lick his lips full, a habit he’d always had when he was nervous or impatient.

“Were you... waiting for me?” I questioned confused as he stopped directly in front of me, leaving little distance between us, he looked over his shoulder as if in fear that someone might see.

“Yeah,” He spoke as if he was out of breath. I took the liberty to take a step back and crossed my arms over my chest for comfort as he finished with, “I was, actually.”

“Well? What do you want?” I attempted not to sound rude but I was awfully uncomfortable. Taehyung and I had never spoken more than a greeting to each other in the past three years. Thoughts ran wild through my head, thinking of any and all reasons of why Taehyung might start a conversation now after so long- but all seemed unrealistic.

“Look,” Again, he ran his pink tongue over his bottom lip and peered over his shoulder.  Lowering his voice and I could feel my throat go dry. “I’m sorry, (Y/n)- for everything.”

“Taehyung what are you talking about-”

“Everything, (Y/n). Everything.” I shook my head, as the words would not click in my mind. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that Kim Taehyung was actually apologizing to me. After so long? “I was such an asshole to you and I know I broke your heart. It was my insecurities and my ego because I always knew that you were too good for me and-”

“Wait, Taehyung wait,” I said putting up my hands defensively and taking another long stride back. His mouth let out a heavy sigh and his hands ran impatiently through the thick locks of his hair. “Where is this coming from? This happened years ago.”

“I know but you still hate me for it- as you should! Losing you wasn’t worth any girl…” His voice fell short and unwanted memories flared in my head. Memories of a broken heart that turned me into a ghost long before I had Namjoon. Before I knew what love was supposed to feel like.

“Taehyung, I moved on and so have you- with plenty of other girls. There is no need for this, I can assure you that.” I said calmly, quickly trying to get out of this position. I was acting as if it was nothing because that's what I wanted it so badly to be.

“It bothers you- I know it does.” He replied marching closer. The eye contact was burning me and I didn’t know if I was capable of maintaining it. He always looked at me so intensely with eyes darker than the ends of space yet brighter than stars.

“What does?” I asked once again taking a move back. My heels clicking against the gray marble tiles.

“The girls that I bring over. You always make the same face when I walk into the room with one of them.” For all that I knew, that could be true, I always remember thinking the exact same thing whenever he showed up. It disgusted me quite honestly. Taehyung was never seen with the same girl twice, a new one was always wrapped around his waist when he walked into a room.

“It doesn’t bother me!” I hissed impatiently prompting him to move away just a bit. “It just never fails to amaze me how low your standards are.”

I was annoyed beyond explanation, the anger I always tried to ignore just began to drip out. I wouldn’t, I couldn’t, let myself fall into this rage. I didn’t wait for another second after, I searched for my escape and began to walk past him out of the dim hallway.

To my distress, Taehyung called out behind me and his footsteps echoed my own. I could feel my heart was pulsating against my chest and my face singed as I prayed for the end of this. However, before I could make it out of his reached he took a hold on my arm. With the slightest grip and the strongest pull, he had me yanked backward and forced me to be face to face with him once more. I tore my arm away from his clasp, lightly stumbling on my heels as I did. I hated being grabbed and he quickly remembered that as he apologized seconds later.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry.” I took in a deep breath, accepting the fact that I would not be free from this conversation until he got everything off of his chest. His eyes looked confused and almost scared. I didn’t know if I was ready to face this and to hear it after so long. “You never told him the truth- the fact we dated for over two years.”  

“Why would I, Taehyung!?” I almost yelled, trying to keep my voice down as an older gentleman made his way toward the men's bathroom.

“Because we were serious, (Y/n). We had plans together-”

“No! I was serious! I had plans for us but you didn't want any part of it!” I said through gripped teeth while my eyes glossed with pure rage. A rage I didn’t know I could still feel so passionately. Taehyung almost sounded hurt, his voice was deep but soft and he struggled to understand my point of view.

“I was an idiot!” Taehyung slammed his hand against the wall and looked down to the ground atoned. I ran my hands through my hair, taking a breath of fresh air away from his aura. Still not understanding why he was doing this. Why he was making me relive everything I struggled so hard to forget. Taehyung then stated quietly, “You never even told him why we broke up...”

“What was I supposed to say, Taehyung?” My voice broke a mid-sentence, shaking my head I tucked my handbag under my arm and leaned against the violet wall. “How you humiliated me? How I adored you so foolishly? How everyone, but me, knew that you cheated on me nearly every single day? Why the fuck would I tell him?! You tore me apart and made me feel like I was worthless!” At some point, the tears just escaped and my voice began to shake. Taehyung could barely keep his eyes on me now, I know he always hated to see me cry.

“What would I have gotten in return, hm!? His pity? Like everyone else looked at me senior year- like I was the saddest thing to walk the face of the earth!” I used the back of my hand to clear away the tears that stained my face. Anger boiling in my blood and a pain in my chest I never thought to feel again. It was as If I just relieved everything, in the blink of an eye, it all came back to me.

“I know what I did to you…” But he didn’t, not really, he could never truly understand.

“For fuck's sake, why do you think I’m with a new girl every goddamn week, (Y/n)!? Because they bore me! All of them.” Taehyung’s voice was almost pleading for someone to save him from the six feet rut he dug himself into. “All I could do is think about how they aren’t you. I keep thinking one of them was bound to make me feel- something- remotely close to you.”

He laughed, a bitter laugh that was caused by the stupidity his own words brought him. His voice was trembling and his eyes were hiding under the shadow of his hair. I could see the veins popping from his neck as he spoke, “I tried! I tried and tried! The next thing I knew, four years had gone by and I still couldn't get you out of my head!”

I shook my gaze and refused to shed another tear. So many times and for so long- I thought myself the most unfortunate of girls for losing him. I was the one who had lost because I was so easily replaceable compared to him. I was such a mess. I thought and prayed so many times that he would be miserable without me- beg on his knees one day for me. Never did I think I would actually see it. Never did I think I would hate to see it.

“You were an idiot then and your an idiot now…” I hated everything about this. I hated the memories, I hated his confessions, I hated that I felt bad for him, and I hated I felt anything at all. “You need to forget about me because I’ve already forgotten you.”

I could barely look at him and he didn’t dare to look at me. I took one last sigh at the ceiling that sheltered above us. I once again, thought myself the most unfortunate of girls as I decided to walk away. Just as I was going to leave him standing there, drenched in his regret and sorrow, I was stopped by his much taller frame and silenced by his lips. He had me pinned against the wall, his chest pressing against my own. Taehyung was aggressive, desperate even, but never forceful; and the taste of his mouth brought me into a deep state of nostalgia in which I fell into obliviously.

I was scared, terrified, not just at the fact that Namjoon would find out- but scared that I was possibly still weak. I was scared that if he begged for forgiveness- that I would forgive him. I was scared that if he promised me lies- I would believe him. I was scared that the line was thin between reason and desire- the desire to rip off his clothes and spend the night. I was frightened that I could be vulnerable to all of his enchantments after it had taken me so much to move on. I was scared that I could still love him.

I could swear on my very life that I wasn’t me at that moment- I was the girl from five years ago who was truly and madly in love with Kim Taehyung. Then he pulled away and whispered to me,

“Here, between us, I need you to know the truth…” Taehyung leaned in closer, he wanted to so desperately kiss me again, and he groaned as he held back. “I haven’t stopped loving you, in my deep bitterness I’ve held back screams while seeing you with him every day for the past three damn years.”

I stared into a pair of eyes that resembled the soul of a lost man. A man that was torn between love and loyalty. A man that hated the very air he breathed.

“You’re asking me to forget you, to turn around and walk away forever.” He removed his hands from gripping my arms but he still managed to keep me pinned with his eyes. His lips gently quivering as he spoke, “But I’m begging you, to just take another look, and really listen to your heart before it's too late.”

“But it already is...” I insisted quietly. Wishing my words were enough to convince him and even myself.

“I know you don’t want to hurt him- and believe me- he doesn’t deserve it,” He grabbed my chin, making sure that I was taking in every word he spoke, that I felt every emotion he was feeling. “Just between us, admit that you still love me too. I need to hear it (Y/n)...”

“I can’t.” I pleaded him to understand. This wasn’t just some boyfriend I had been going on dates with. This was a relationship of three years, three years of working and understanding to make it through. I couldn’t just throw all of that away. “Haven’t you ruined me enough already?”

Those words crushed him, harder and deeper than anything I had ever seen before- but that didn’t stop them from being true. I remembered how he used to just brag, about how no love could ever bring him down and was always eager to prove it.

I told myself that I found a new love, a better one who actually cared about me and that while in his arms I would learn to forget Taehyung. I swore I despised him since the day of his betrayal and even found myself in moments even having wished for his death. So I wanted him to give up, to be cold to me and rub other girls in my face like he always did- just to make it easier for me.

He took a long step back, giving me room to breathe without his scent hazing my thoughts. His eyes were threatening to leak, and he used his hands to rubbed away the traces. He then stopped, held my eyes, and proclaimed,

“I won’t give up.” Shivers spread across the plains of my body. His deep voice ringing in the depths of my ear.  “May God forgive me...because I’ll always love you, even if you aren’t by my side, even if you won’t hear me out, and even if you claim things are different- that you’ve forgotten me- I’ll keep waiting,”

“Taehyung-”

“I’ll love you because, without you, my life would have no meaning, I’ll remain faithful- I'll be unconditional. I’ll love you because you have to accept the fact that you love me too.” He trapped me against the wall once again, his hands resting over my head and his breath warmed my lips as he whispered. “And I know you’ll be thinking about me, even, if you’re now with him.”

Tears streamed down my face, surely leaving printed rivers of mascara on my cheeks. I gazed into his eyes a searched for an answer to my misfortune. Things that my younger self couldn’t understand. He was gone and she didn’t know why, he left her and he didn’t even take the time to lie, even after she always left him to win the fights.

“Why now…?”

Taehyung opened his mouth, hesitant to speak the words on his mind but before he could- there was a strong voice and someone who called out to him in rage.

“Taehyung!?” My skin froze all over, fearing to turn and look in the direction of Jungkook. He came up behind Taehyung, pushing him back and he stumbled on his feet as he continued to yell at him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?! Have you lost your goddamn mind!?”

Taehyung's eyes were hazed in defeat, he couldn’t look at Jungkook as he grabbed him by the collar of his white shirt. I quickly cleaned myself from what I could only imagine was a horrid mess. Jungkook was roughly shaking Taehyung as he was full of wrath, words he was saying were passing my mind as all I could do was stare at Taehyung. There was nothing left for him to confess and he left the next move up to me.

Jungkook didn’t even spare me a glance as he loosely dragged Taehyung out of the dim hallway, leaving me alone and confused against the cold, hard wall.

Just between us...I knew I would never truly forget Taehyung.

The day that I first met him, I fell in love, I have never been able to deny it. Ever since then I haven’t manage to comfort my feelings and my soul continues to consume itself.  I was hating him without hate and the wound he left me still bled and breathed.

I couldn’t think about what would happen next, the possibilities were endless and they made my head throb as I walked back into the bathroom. I had to clean myself up before walking out in front of everyone.

What would Taehyung say to Namjoon?

What would he say to Taehyung?

What would I say to Namjoon?

What would he say to me?

-

I walked slowly back to the table, my legs were softly trembling but nobody seemed to notice as they were all in their own personal conversations. Walking around the table I caught a glance at Taehyung who was looking down at his lap, elbows resting on the table, as Jungkook was whispering things for his ears only. No one knew a thing but us three and when I finally sat down Jimin looked up and smiled at me.

“You took a while.” He laughed softly.

I smiled as best I could at him, informing him that I had probably just eaten too much. I looked around the restaurant to find any sign of Namjoon. All I wanted to do was grab him and leave before something got out of control. I didn’t know what other conversations Taehyung had in mind and I sure didn’t want them to happen in front of everyone.  

My leg was shaking up and down as I felt the slightest bit of anxiety start making me worry. I was finding it hard to even breathe and the tapping of my heel was drawing attention from Jimin who sat next to me and Yoongi in front of me. The very laughs of Jin and Hobi were making me feel worse, even though no one new, I felt like they all did.

“Hey guys, sorry I took so long.”

Namjoon suddenly came up behind me, startling me in the process as he placed his hand on my shoulder. Everyone greeted him and I quickly stood up before he moved another inch.

He looked me in the eyes while I grabbed his hands and moved closer. I could see the change of expression, he knew something was wrong with me, he always did. He squeezed my hands lightly asking me what was wrong. This got the attention of everyone, I could feel all of their eyes on me even though my back was turned to them.

“Can we go home? I don’t feel good...” I said trying to blink away any form of tears that wanted to build. I also spoke quietly, I was like a child complaining to their parents at a party.

“Now? But-”But I cut him off, I was practically pouting as I felt more and more scared to be there.

“Please babe, please.” Emotions were stirring up inside of me and I could just run out.

Namjoon had words caught in his throat, he didn’t know what to say as he stared at me blankly. I thought that he might have been worried about the check because he looked past me at our friends, specifically at Jin as if asking him for some help. I felt so embarrassed causing a scene in front of everyone.

“It’s now or never Namjoon.” Jin suddenly said behind me. I looked over my shoulder as he said that. I didn’t understand because they were just looking at each other. I could feel Namjoon’s hands tense up and I glanced back at him.

He took a deep breath and nodded his head as if he was responding to Jin’s words. He built up the sudden loss of courage and looked me in the eyes, his hands grew sweaty right before he released my own.

“Yeah, go hyung!” Jimin cheered behind us.

Namjoon smiled widely, his cheeks burning a deep shade red as he looked down and reached into the inner pocket of his blue blazer. His shaking hand pulled out a black velvet box and I felt my heart sink.

“(Y/n),” Namjoon cleared his voice, glancing my way as he bent down on a single knee. I heard the girls behind me gasp in surprise, my hand went around my mouth as I felt the tears pour from my eyes, blurring my vision of him. “How can I repay you for every night, every day that you’ve made me so happy? How do I tell you, how can I explain, that I need to be making you smile? You came in completely to my life, there isn’t a moment of the day where I don’t think of you. And you came in completely unintentionally, I fell for you, I see a life with you, and now I’m only for you.”

Through the trembles of his words and the tears pooling in his eyes, Namjoon opens the box, and inside, the most beautiful diamond ring glistens in the dim light of the restaurant. “(Y/n), I will love you from this day, until my very last…”

I looked back as cries left my mouth, I got the smallest glimpse of our friends behind us. Everyone was watching, Jimin and Hoseok were recording on their phones, but Taehyung- Taehyung looked away in complete shame.

“Will you marry me?”

≽ Masterlist in bio for your convenience!

#bangtan #kim namjoon #kim taehyung #bangtan sonyeondan #bts #namjoon x reader #taehyung x reader #bangtan fanfic #bangtan scenarios #bts vmin #bts rm #bts v #bts jimin #bts jungkook #bts jin #bts jhope #bts suga #bts angst #between us

[vannahfanfics]

When It Counts

Category: Friendship Fluff

Fandom: Fairy Tail

Characters: Lucy Heartfilia

Requested by: Anonymous User

Lucy couldn’t help but smile elatedly as she stepped off the train, stretching her arms above her head and working out the stiffness in her legs before exhaling deeply.

“Ahhhh~ We’re finally home!” she exclaimed. All she got from Natsu and Wendy were a pair of identical labored groans, while Gray was indifferently staring off into space. Erza, at least, came up behind her to clap her in the back with an affirmative nod, but the woman’s absurd strength caused Lucy to lose her balance and stumble forward with arms pin-wheeling. “Ack! Ow! That hurt, Erza…” she pouted as she looked over her shoulder at the red-haired warrior woman. Erza had already turned her attention on Natsu and Gray, who were bickering like usual, but a pair of whacks over their heads shut them right up. Lucy tried to ignore the burning between her shoulder blades as she absentmindedly picked up her bag and began walking toward the station exit; as she was, she accidentally walked too close to someone and bumped them in the arm. “Oh, please exc- Huh?” There was no one there, at least not anyone close enough to have bumped into— only a man further down the line walking briskly toward the platform. “How odd…”

“I’m hungry!” Natsu suddenly roared so intensely that a small bit of fire burst from his mouth, catching the end of poor Wendy’s pigtail on fire. She wailed in fright and ran around in circles with tears streaming down her cheeks until Gray caught the flaming hair between his hands and instantly quelled the small fire with his ice magic, leaving the wind dragon-slayer whimpering and lamenting the burned ends of her pretty, dark hair.

“Cut it out! You’re making a racket!” the ice wizard scolded Natsu, who puffed out his cheeks defiantly.

“Nuh-uh! You’re making a racket, so shut the hell up!”

“You tell him, Natsu!” Happy quipped thinking he was being supportive. Charlie rolled her eyes and shook her head at the hopelessly optimistic cat. Gray and Natsu began bickering again, pressing their foreheads together as they ground their teeth until Erza once again knocked them upside their seemingly empty heads.

“Both of you are making a racket and can shut the hell up!”

“Sorry, Erza,” they chimed begrudgingly in sync as they placed a large amount of distance between themselves and the woman, and rubbed the growing lumps on their heads.

“Now, then, I suppose we are all hungry and should therefore find someplace to eat,” Erza smiled magnanimously and put her hands on her hips, now that her scolding was finished.

“Oh! I know! Let’s eat at Lucy’s house!” Happy offered, and before Lucy could argue, they all chimed in agreement that Lucy’s home cooking was exactly what they needed. Lucy remained in the station with her head hung and her mood somber as they strutted off to break into her house while she ran to the store to buy enough food to satiate the overpowered mages— all by their decision, of course. Oh, man… There goes all my reward money, she lamented miserably and began shuffling off towards the market district, practically watching the money fly right out of her pockets.

It was a short walk to the local grocery store, and as the train station, the streets were quite empty. Normally it didn’t bother Lucy, but for some reason during that evening in particular, she was feeling watched; all throughout her walk and her shopping she glanced over her shoulder, expecting to see someone standing behind her, but just like at the train station she was greeted with only empty air. As she walked down the road alongside the harbor towards her home, carrying two shopping bags full of food for the waiting mages, she could not keep the shivers from traveling up her spine.

What’s wrong with me? Why am I so paranoid right now? Their mission hadn’t even been particularly dangerous or involved renegade guilds, so it wasn’t like she was expecting to be targeted for any reason. Biting down on her lip nervously, she again cast a glance over her shoulder towards the end of the street expecting to again be met with only shadows; except, this time she wasn’t. There was someone behind her— and not far behind her, either. Lucy screamed in fright as a cloak-clad man seemingly emerged from the night to grab her by her arms, and she dropped the grocery bags and sent various meats and vegetables scattering into the street.

Before she could scream again, another pair of individuals, apparently his comrades, sprang from an alley to subdue her, one of them pressing a rag over her mouth to silence her screams. A sickly-sweet smell wafted up her nose, one she supposed to be that of a sedative, and she tried her hardest to resist breathing in the fumes. However, with her struggling movements and agitated state, her breathing rate was far higher than normal, and she could not break free of their grasps long enough to escape the noxious odors. Over several minutes, Lucy’s jerky movements transitioned into weak, languid ones, and her mind muddled as her vision began to fog up as she suffocated under the liquid-soaked rag. The last thing she could remember thinking of was that she wasn’t going to make it to dinner before it all faded into darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~

Lucy’s transition into consciousness was slow. Her eyelashes fluttered as her vision refocused in the dark, gloomy atmosphere around her. Gradually, her body stopped feeling numb and her senses returned, and she found with alarm that her arms were tied above her head and her precious Celestial keys were not hanging at her waist. Even worse, she realized that her clothes had been changed; her typical attire had been replaced with a very revealing outfit, a band around her bust and a slitted skirt decorated with plastic jewels and dangling decorations. Her shoes were gone, too, replaced with a pair of gold ankle bracelets, and glittering jewel earrings hung from her ears. It was oddly reminiscent of the attire she had worn during their operation concerning the Dragon Cry when she had danced in a bar.

Her face instantly flushed like Natsu’s fiery breath when she came to the conclusion that someone had changed her clothes.

As she looked around wildly, rapidly descending into a mixture of fury and fear, she found that presumed someone sitting in a chair at the other end of the room. He was shrouded in the gloom. Lucy instantly shut her eyes when he reached up to flip on the lights, blinded by its intensity until they adjusted enough for her to crack one open and glare at him.

“I’m so glad you’re awake.”

“Who are you, you creep? What have you done with my keys?” she demanded, her anger taking over for a moment. She gritted her teeth as he swung them nonchalantly around his fingers, their jingling filling the small, plain room. “Stop that! They’re not a musical instrument, you know!” He just laughed and caught them in his hand, tucking them into his pocket before standing up. He was a handsome man; Lucy could even see that in her dire situation, with luscious brown hair, piercing blue eyes, and chiseled features, dressed in a suit. Well, a handsome creep is still a creep! “Where's your two lackeys?”

“Oh, they’re nothing to worry about. Their job was finished, so I sent them on their way,” he answered vaguely.

“Who are you? What do you want from me? Are you a part of a dark guild? I’m warning you, Fairy Tail won’t take this lightly!”

“Oh, no. I’m not associated with any guild, and Fairy Tail means nothing to me.” As he said that, he vanished from Lucy’s sight, and she recoiled in bewilderment as she looked around the now empty room. What? Where did he go?

She gasped as he abruptly appeared right before her eyes, lightly putting a finger beneath her chin. “I’m still a mage, though. I get offers all the time, as you can imagine; invisibility magic is highly useful for things like assassinations and kidnappings. I did mess up at the train station, though. I was just so flustered by you touching me like that.” Lucy’s red face instantly paled to the color of snow, not ignorant to the insinuations behind his remark. She swallowed slightly, trying to keep her composure. Showing weakness in front of him would mean he had already won.

“Some mage you are, then. If you’re not with a dark guild and aren’t after Fairy Tail, then what do you want?” She wasn’t even sure why she asked the question, because she just knew she wouldn’t like the answer. He chuckled softly, and under normal circumstances, she might have thought that he had a very nice laugh.

“Oh, Lucy, dear, isn’t it obvious? I want you.” Though she was beginning to panic on the inside, lacking her keys and no idea where she was or if her friends were going to be able to find her, she remained composed enough to glare acidly up at him. “Oh, my. What an ugly expression on such a pretty face,” he tutted and patted her cheek. When she whipped her head in an attempt to bite him, he hastily pulled back his hand and laughed heartily. “Such a spirited one!”

“Take these ropes off me and I’ll show you how spirited I am, mister.”

“I think not,” he mused and vanished again, only to reappear across the room. She narrowed her eyes as he pulled out her keys again, and then they widened as he gripped Leo’s key tightly between his two hands, in the position to snap it right in half. “Oh, yes, you realize what a position you’re in now, don’t you? You keep acting like that, and I’ll have to punish you.” Losing one of her keys, especially Loki, with whom she had been through so much, was more than she could bear, and her tough persona instantly shattered.

“No! Please! I’ll do whatever you want! Don’t break my keys!” Loki had the ability to make his own gate, so she expected him to appear at that moment, but he didn’t. Tears stung her eyes as she strained against the ropes tied around her wrists. “I’m begging you!”

“That’s more like it,” he smirked at her but relaxed his grip on the key a little. “Your little Celestial friends can’t save you. I have a special spell in place that suppresses Celestial power, so that’s why your little lion friend can’t come through the gate.” How the hell did he know about that? “I know a lot about you, Lucy.” She recoiled, pressing back against the wall. It was almost like he read her mind, though it was probably just that her face was showing all her emotions right now. “I’m so in love with you, you see, that I just have to know everything about you.”

“I’ve never even met you!” she growled. There was more tremor in her voice than she would have liked.

“I saw you dance in Stella.”

What? That’s what this is all about? This creep wants to see me belly-dance again? she thought incredulously. As she debated struggling, her eyes landed on Leo’s key clutched in his hands, and all thoughts of defiance vanished completely. Her shoulders sagged as she hung her head, not wanting him to see her bottom lip wobbling as the tears flooded her eyes. What do I do? This situation is hopeless… Even if he takes the ropes off, I can’t risk him breaking the key… I can’t lose another one of them again… Losing Aquarius nearly broke her; she couldn’t imagine having to part with another one of her spirits. My only hope… is Natsu and the others… Surely, they had realized that something had happened when she hadn’t turned up, and Natsu and Wendy’s acute senses of smell would hopefully lead them to her. However, she had no idea how long she had been unconscious or how far away from home she was. She raised her head miserably, wearied by the hopelessness of it all.

“What do you want?” she asked again, feebly, fearfully.

“I just want to see you dance again, my dear Lucy.”

I can’t fight him, not when he’s holding my keys hostage. I just have to do what he says, and hope they’re coming for me… She nodded obediently, and he procured a small dagger to walk over and slice the ropes around her wrists. While her arms dropped and she rubbed the red, scraped areas of her wrists where the ropes had chafed her, he plopped down in the chair again with a darkly eager expression, the golden key still trapped in his fingers as a reminder for her to stay docile. She had no music, but Lucy still fell into the dancing pose anyway; thankfully, it hadn’t been that long since Stella, and she remembered the steps.

The plastic jewels and gold, dangling accents on her outfit jingled faintly as she glided in her bare feet across the dirty brick floor, and she felt sickened, reminded of the way he so carelessly jangled her beloved keys. She fought the nausea, sensually moving around the small room, moving her arms here and swinging her arms there, with the occasional seductive swish of her hips or dramatic toss of her head. All the while, she could feel his eyes boring into her and exploring every part of her body. It made her even sicker to her stomach, and she tried to keep the expression of acute disgust from forming on her face, for fear of retaliation against her spirits. Just focus on what you’re doing, Lucy.

“Won’t you come a bit closer?”

Lucy’s step faltered, and her arms hung in the air for a brief moment as her heart rate skyrocketed. She didn’t want to go anywhere near him.

He smiled thinly, tapping his finger against the end of the key, and so she smiled serenely back at him before dancing across the room to stand in front of him. Now, she danced slowly in a circle around the chair and was even more aware of his pervasive staring. As she came around the side of him, his arm shot out to encircle her bare waist and stop her in her tracks. “Magnificent. You dance like the stars are at your feet, Lucy.” As he pulled her closer to the chair, the key shifting in his hand in such a way that the low light flashed across its golden surface, Lucy’s anxiety threatened to boil over. Oh my God, what is he going to do to me?

He must have felt her fear mounting, because he reached around with his other hand to hold the key in a breaking position again, leaving Lucy trapped in the circle that was his arms. “Careful, now.” His voice was breathy, full of threat and desire. “Come, Lucy. Show me what it’s like to be among the stars.”

That’s when Natsu came crashing through the brick wall.

“I’ll show you the stars, asshole!” he howled as he drop-kicked Lucy’s aggressor in the side of the head. As he lost his grip on the keys and they went sailing through the air, jingling wildly, Lucy jumped up to catch them. As her hand wrapped around Leo’s key, she could feel the power humming within it, and it began to glow. Without her even reciting the invocation, Loki appeared in front of her, his hands in his suit pants pockets and a vicious scowl on his face. Apparently, Natsu landing such a blow on the man had deactivated his preventative magic.

“I’m gonna kick your ass for touching Lucy like that, you scumbag!” he shouted, then shot a grin at her. “By the way, you look lovely~” Hearts were practically beating in his eyes.

“Who cares? Get to kicking his ass already!” she demanded angrily and pointed at the creep, who was picking himself up out of the rubble of the other wall, which Natsu had sent him crashing through. As he struggled to get to his feet, Gray appeared through the dust and jerked him up by the back of his jacket.

“You messed with the wrong people,” he frowned.

“How are you already shirtless?!” Lucy cried and face-palmed, while Gray cried out in shock and looked down at himself. With the momentary distraction, his captive was able to use his vanishing magic.

“What the hell? Where did he go?” Gray cried as his jacket appeared in his hands. Apparently, the magic only pertained to things directly touching him.

“He uses invisibility magic!” she answered, and Loki stepped back to shield her with his arm, anticipating that he would target her first. Wendy had also clambered over the half-collapsed wall to run to her side and stood behind her with her arms spread on either side of her to likewise shield Lucy with her body. She wrinkled her nose and narrowed her eyes.

“Natsu—!”

“Yeah, I know! Vanish all you like, asshole, I can still smell you!” With that exclamation, Natsu sprang at thin air, but rather than land on the ground he remained hanging in the air with his arms and legs wrapped around what she figured must be the mage, cloaked in his invisibility. After a second, he dropped the spell and angrily tugged at Natsu, who was clinging to him like some sort of monkey on his back.

“Get off me!” he demanded and managed to grab ahold of the back of Natsu’s shirt and fling him into the wall. Natsu’s curses were buried under the pile of bricks that came crashing down on top of him. However, this provided enough time for Erza to step onto the scene.

“That’s quite enough, you villain!” Though she whacked him over the back of his head with the blunt side of her sword, Lucy still knew that there was enough power behind the attack to be immensely effective— and painful. He crumpled like a rag doll at the knight’s feet, moaning in pain even though he was completely unconscious. “There. That takes care of that.” As she primly put her hands on her hips, Natsu’s head popped out of the rubble, coated in brick dust.

“No fair! I wanted to sock him!” he whined loudly.

“That’s beside the point, Natsu!” Wendy cried and whipped around to face Lucy. “Are you okay, Lucy? Did he hurt you?”

“No,” she shook her head, but her expression was sad as she held her keys against her chest. “I couldn’t do anything… He held my keys hostage…” Lucy was just now beginning to realize how completely powerless she had been. I relied completely on these guys to come and save me… After all this time and everything that’s happened, I still depend on them so much… Tears crept back into her eyes and flowed down her cheeks.

“Eh? Natsu, you made her cry!” Gray accused.

“What? How? Why? What did I say?” he stammered quickly in confusion and wriggled out of the pile of rubble to scramble over to her and grab her hands, bringing his face close as he looked down at her with a serious expression. “Don’t cry, Lucy! I didn’t mean it!... Whatever I said,” he said as his expression morphed into a perplexed frown.

“No, it’s not that… It’s just how powerless I was,” she sighed, shoulders sagging. “I should have put up a better fight.”

“Nah, you did your best!” he grinned brightly at her, making her look up with wide eyes. “It’s okay! Sometimes you just can’t win, and that’s what we’re here for, right guys?”

“That’s right! We’ll always come for you when you need help! Isn’t that right, Carla?” Wendy giggled, her pigtails swishing as she looked to her beloved partner for agreement. The pretty flying cat nodded, to which Happy chirped, “Aye!”

“Yeah. We know how important your keys are to you. It was a jerk move, playing like he was going to break them like that,” Gray agreed, then looked at Loki. “Also, thanks for your help— oh, wait, you didn’t do anything.”

“Shut up! I came to my lovely Lucy’s aid!” Loki pouted while wrapping an arm around her shoulders, which made her sigh deeply and sag her shoulders out of weariness, not in the mood to deal with his flirtatiousness.

“Thanks, Loki, but you can go home now.”

“Aw, Lucy! You’re so cold!” he whined but obediently let her go. He then flashed her a wink. “If it hadn’t been for that magic barrier, I would’ve been here in an instant! I’ll always protect you, Lucy, no matter what!” he snickered before returning through his gate. It did bring a smile to Lucy’s face.

“Yes. We are all here to support you when you need it,” Erza nodded, but it was hard to take her seriously when she was sadistically stepping on the unconscious man’s back, making him continuously squeak in pain. Lucy chuckled and shook her head at the antics of the dysfunctional but fun group. In their weird way, they did make her feel better.

“Thank you, everyone.” It’s okay to rely on them sometimes. After all, there are times that they’ll have to rely on my power, too. That’s what friends do.

“By the way, are you still making dinner?” Natsu asked hopefully. Lucy’s mood did a one-eighty.

“This time you’ll be the one seeing stars, Natsu!”

Lucy had found the most destructive, crazy, dysfunctional, altogether outrageous family ever— but no matter how much they got on her nerves (particularly a certain pink-haired dragon-slayer) and how much they bickered, she knew they would always come together to protect each other when it counted. Lucy was proud to be a part of it, and couldn’t think of a better family to be a part of.

Enjoy this oneshot? Feel free to peruse my Table of Contents!

#fairy tail #friendship #lucy #dragon cry #natsu #erza #gray #wendy #happy #charlie #drama #happy ending

[bee-kathony]

Fraser Memorial | Ch. 9 “Spontaneity” 

a/n: Thank you always to @sassenachwaffles for being my beta on this! 

Ch. 1 - Sutures | Ch. 2 - Maybe This Time | Ch. 3 - Movie Date | Ch. 4 - Two Pink Lines | Ch. 5 - Boss’s Boss | Ch. 6 - Grapefruits | Ch. 7 - The Stables | Ch. 8 - Bear This Pain 

June 2016

Sometimes things don’t go as you expect them to. Like most of our wedding vendors cancelling nearly last minute, giving us no explanation, but telling us we would get our money back. Jamie and I were supposed to be getting married in two weeks, on June twenty-ninth, but now, the wedding looked like it wouldn’t be happening.

We had come to visit Jamie’s family at Lallybroch, and make final arrangements for the wedding because we would be having it here. Ever since yesterday morning when I received three calls all in the same day, cancelling our cake, flowers and band, I had been distant from Jamie and the occupants of Lallybroch.

“Sassenach?” I heard Jamie enter the room.

“Hmmm,” I hummed, sitting in a chair by the fire in our room. Jamie came to stand in front of me and I could feel the uneasiness flow from him. When I didn’t look up, he crouched down on his knees, sliding his palm over my leg.

“Do ye still want to get marrit, Claire?”

That made me look at him, his blue eyes watery, fear etched on his features. Silently, I leaned forward, sliding my hands on his shoulders and pulled him to me, holding him to my chest.

“Yes.” I nodded, feeling the overwhelming sense of failure crash over me. I just wanted our wedding to be perfect. “That’s the only thing I want, Jamie.”

Jamie placed a soft kiss to the base of my neck, then pulled back to look at me, his hands gripping mine. “I ken ye wanted a weddin’ wi’ all the normal stuff a weddin’ is supposed to have.”

“Like cake, flowers, a band, and maybe some guests!” I laughed. Over the last month, we had received RSVP’s from our guests and half had said they couldn’t attend. If I believed in superstitions, then I would take this as a sign to not get married to Jamie.

“That would be nice, aye,” Jamie chuckled. “But at the end of the day, Sassenach, ’tis you and me that will be gettin’ married. It’s a promise we make to one another, a vow.”

“I know that,” I pressed my fingers lightly to his cheek. “That’s why I wanted everything to be perfect. For us.”

Jamie bent his head, his eyes lingering on his hand on my leg. “What if we got married tomorrow? Here at Lallybroch?”

“Without any of our guests?” I asked, and my mind started trying to come up with a list of reasons why we shouldn’t get married tomorrow, but I came up short.

“Aye, just you and me. My family. Our family. What more do we need, Sassenach?”

I sat back in the chair and my head turned towards the wardrobe. I thanked God and Jenny Murray that I had decided to keep my dress here at Lallybroch, because Jamie would be less likely to take a peek than if it was at our home.

“Let’s do it,” I smiled. “Let’s get bloody married tomorrow!”

Jamie grinned, and then pressed his lips against mine, his body pinning me to the chair. I felt his hands slide around me and soon I was being held in his arms bridal style. “What are you doing?” I laughed.

“I’m carrying my soon to be bride downstairs,” he laughed and started walking towards the door. “We’ll tell our family the great news that there’s to be a weddin’ tomorrow and then we’ll call the priest!”

++++++

I went to sleep that night in a different bed than Jamie, but when I woke up, he was there. He was laying next to me, hand propping up his head, a smirk on his face. “Morning, Sassenach.”

“You’re not supposed to be here,” I grumbled, wiping my hands over my sleepy eyes.

“Aye, but I couldna wait to see ye,” he smiled and leaned in to kiss me.

I wrapped my leg around his waist and he rolled on top of me, bracing himself on his arms. “The honeymoon isna supposed to start until tonight, Sassenach.” Jamie laughed, then kissed me slowly, his tongue sliding across my lips.

“Nothing has gone the way we wanted it to,” I moved one hand to the front of his boxers and he moaned. “If I want to start the honeymoon now…” I bit his lip, “We’ll bloody start it now, Fraser.”

“Oooo a wee vixen,” Jamie laughed and his body pressed down on mine.

++++++

I stood in the kitchen, nervously smacking my lips that I had just coated with a light pink lipstick. I felt slightly overdressed now that we would be having the wedding in Jamie’s family living room, but I knew this was the right decision.

Jenny came through the door, wearing her bridesmaids dress and I felt better. I was thankful that I hadn’t gone all out on the dress. It was very simple, a cream colored linen gown with a thin band around the middle and quarter length sleeves.

“Are ye ready, Claire?” She smiled, handing me a small bouquet of wildflowers she had just picked this morning.

“Yes. More than,” I hugged her, holding her tightly. I wouldn’t only be marrying Jamie, but I would have a new family, and after spending so many years missing that part of myself, I finally felt like I was coming home.

“We better get out there, or I think Jamie will come and fetch ye himself! Rather impatient that one,” Jenny rolled her eyes.

“I’m ready,” I nodded and she walked through the kitchen door. I followed down a short hallway that led to the living room.

There they stood. Brian and Ian, standing next to Jamie near the unlit fireplace, and Ellen, holding baby Maggie and standing next to a restless young Jamie. When Jamie and I first started dating, the prospect of dating the owner of the hospital’s son felt like a much bigger deal than it really was. I had grown close with Jamie’s parents and felt safe and comforted by their presence.

Every girl that dreams of her wedding, imagines that her father would be the one to walk her down the aisle, so when Brian stepped forward and offered his arm out to me to lead me the rest of the way to Jamie, I nearly burst into tears.

“Ye look beautiful, Claire.” Brian kissed me on the cheek and then passed me over into Jamie’s hands. I gripped them tight, not wanting to ever let go.

“Mo ghraidh,” he smiled. “Ye are the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”

“I sure hope so!” I said, making everyone, including the old priest laugh. “You’re not too bad yourself,” I whistled and looked him up and down, dressed in kilt and jacket, he was dashing.

“Shall we begin?” The priest said and we turned our attention to him.

Jamie and I repeated after Father Bain, vowing to love one another in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer and til death us do part.

Young Jamie came forward with the rings, beaming as he did so, proud of his one task. My fingers shook as Jamie slid my ring over my finger and then he squeezed it tight before I slid his ring on his hand.

The next bit of the ceremony, I was feeling quite nervous about. I thought it a bit pagan when all was said and done, but Jamie really only cared that this part of his culture be included today.

Brian came to stand before us, pulling out a small sgina dubh from his sporran and a piece of white cotton fabric. I held out my arm next to Jamie’s, wincing slightly as the blade slid quickly across my wrist.

“Are ye alright, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, folding his arm over mine, pressing our wrists together.

I nodded, trying to concentrate on anything other than the faint smell of blood. You would think I would be used to blood because I work in a hospital, but when it’s my own blood, I tend to get a little queasy at the sight.

Brian tied the white fabric around and around our wrists, and then went to stand by Ellen, his arm around her waist, no doubt remembering their own wedding day.

“Repeat after me,” Jamie smiled and began to speak in Gaelic. I repeated the best I could, stumbling over a few of the pronunciations. Jamie said this was an old Gaelic blood vow, something his parents did and his grandparents before them.

“Ye are Blood of my Blood and Bone of my Bone. I give ye my Body, that we Two might be One. I give ye my Spirit, 'til our Life shall be Done.”

“Ye may kiss yer bride,” Father Bain said cheerfully. With our wrists still tied together, Jamie leaned in, his other hand cupping my cheek and kissed me deeply. Claps and shouts of celebration went around the room and I melted against Jamie. It was so simple - no fuss - nothing but us and the people we loved most in the world around us.

I knew I wouldn’t hear the end of it from Geillis, so I would have to make it up to her by letting her take me out for a post wedding bachelorette party. Jamie untied our wrists, placing his lips gently against the wound before covering it with a fresh bandage.

“I love ye, Sassenach, so much I think my heart will burst!” Jamie smiled, kissing me again.

“I love you, Jamie. God I love you,” I pressed my forehead against his and we stood there for a time, simply holding each other. Our family went in the kitchen, I knew to pull out the food for celebration, but Jamie and I held each other in the middle of his living room.

“We’re mated for life, ye and I.”

Pulling back, I ran my thumb over his lips, “Aye, like penguins,” I laughed.

“My bonny penguin,” Jamie kissed me. “Are ye hungry?”

I slid my hand over my stomach, “Starving!”

“Let’s feed ye then, Mrs. Fraser.” Jamie slid his hand around my waist, and led us into the kitchen where we were greeted with more cheers and a chant for us to kiss. Christ… I love my family.

Present Day - December 2018

We all took care of the twins in shifts. I knew the first few months would be the hardest, adjusting to life with a newborn, let alone two newborns wasn’t an easy task. Thankfully, Jenny and Jamie’s mother helped as much as they could. It’d only been three weeks since Malcolm and Lilidh had come into the world and already it was a better place because of them.

When I wasn’t falling asleep on the couch after breastfeeding, I was changing a diaper or trying to eat something that resembled food. I was on maternity leave from the hospital, but Jamie was only able to get one month off, even being the head of the hospital, he had a lot of responsibilities that couldn’t just be pushed aside. That meant that in a week’s time, it would be me and the twins on our own.

Ellen promised to stop by at least once a day, which I was extremely grateful for, but I knew it wouldn’t and couldn’t be like this for all the twins lives. At some point, it would just be me, them and Jamie.

It was one of those rare quiet moments, when the twins had fallen asleep at the same time. They were in their nursery, breathing deeply, small smiles on their faces and I had crept away to find peace in the kitchen. I had just reached for a container of cookie dough when Jamie walked through the front door, back from the store with food and a butt ton of diapers.

“Hello, love.” Jamie smiled, dropping the bags near the entrance of the house. He kissed me on the cheek, wrapping one arm around my waist and then looked down at my hands. “Ye ken yer no supposed to eat raw cookie dough, Sassenach…”

“Everyone does it Jamie, besides,” I opened the lid and swiped my finger through the mixture, “It’s delicious.” I held my finger in front of his mouth and could almost see his tongue salivate.

His eyes squinted, mouth smirking, but he opened his lips and took my finger, cookie dough and all, into his mouth.

“Aye, yer right.” He smacked his lips, and reached his own finger in for another glob of the stuff. “Carry on, mo nighean.”

Laughing, I closed the fridge door and took a seat on one of the bar stools. “Did you enjoy your adventure out there in the real world?”

Jamie grabbed the bags from the store and started to unload them one by one. “Och, of course I did. The lights,” he sighed, “the people, the smells! Christ, Sassenach, a whole world out there that isna all bairns and shite.”

I covered my mouth to stop from laughing loudly, and looked down the hallway where I knew the twins would be sleeping soundly.

“But they’re so cute!” I half whispered, and took another bite of the cookie dough. I made sort of an orgasmic sound at the taste, feeling both of Jamie’s eyes boring into mine. “What?” I mumbled.

“Ye dinna make sounds like that, Sassenach.” He said, placing both hands on the counter. “Not when ye’ve got yer wee finger in yer mouth and there’s no one but us and sleepin’ bairns in the house.”

“What sounds? I don’t make sounds,” I lied, quirking one eyebrow. Jamie walked around the counter slowly, his eyes still on me. He came to stand before me, his gaze traveling from my lips back to the container of cookie dough.

“Aye, ye do make sounds, Sassenach. Lots of wee noises,” Jamie smirked, scooping a bit of cookie dough onto his finger and brought it too my lips. “Suck, mo nighean.”

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” I muttered, committing my soul to God and opened my mouth, taking Jamie’s long finger with the dough on my tongue. The sweet, chocolatey flavor of the cookie dough, mixed with the saltiness of Jamie’s skin was the perfect combination. I closed my eyes, swirling my tongue around his finger, and moaned softly.

“There’s one I havena heard in awhile,” Jamie laughed, his other hand sliding across my knee, traveling slowly up my thigh. Just as I opened my eyes and leaned up to kiss him, I heard the familiar cry of Malcolm and let out a large groan.

“Your son has the worst timing,” I laughed and stood to Jamie’s objections.

“Och, so now he’s only my son when he interrupts the proceedings of tryin’ to bed ye?” Jamie laughed, following me down the hallway to the nursery.

“You’ve got that right, Fraser.” We came into the nursery, and Jamie went to Malcolm who was crying, kicking his little legs out — poor lad.

“Shhh, mo chuisle, it’s yer Da.” Jamie hushed him, cradling him to his chest. I looked over at Lilidh and she was still fast asleep, her thumb in her mouth — taking after her mama. Walking around the small crib, I came to stand behind Jamie, sliding my hand around his waist, resting my head on his back. He started to sway gently, rocking Malcolm and whispering sweet things in Gaelic that I didn’t understand.

“Yer mam and I love ye verra much, lad. Dinna forget it,” Jamie spoke softly in English and finally after awhile, Malcolm stopped crying. “And we love yer wee sister too, don’t we mo cridhe?”

“And we always will,” I smiled and pressed my lips against Jamie’s back, swaying with him as we rocked our son back to sleep.

#fraser memorial #jamie fraser #claire fraser #jamie x claire #outlander fanfiction #ch 9 #bairns #twins #fraser wee bairns #mclairefras #they got married sae cute

[the-i-don-t-know-what-i-m-doing]

Fresh ___________

The Royal Romance AU

Liam x MC (Charlotte)

Words: 1689

Warnings: N/A

Summary:  Tariq was found two months too late.  Two months after Liam married Madeleine.  Charlotte Rose stayed in Cordonia, and took the opportunity to be the duchess of Valtoria.  Her relationship with Liam became nothing more than a professional relationship between a Duchess and the King.   Five years later, Liam has given up hope of ending his marriage to Madeleine, and the two of them are on the brink of meeting the country’s demands of an heir.  What is Liam willing to do for a fresh start?

_____________________________________________________________________

Chapter 1:  Done

“I’m not doing this anymore,”

The queen blinked.  “What?”  

King Liam of Cordonia sighed and removed the crown from his head, realizing that it probably wasn’t helping the overwhelming ache in his head.  He placed the headpiece on a nearby table and turned back to his queen. She stood there in her ballgown, her blonde hair still pinned back and tucked into her tiara.  She looked beautiful, every ounce like the perfect queen for the country.  The two of them had just returned to his study after a long evening at a charity ball. They were supposed to be sitting down to debrief and discuss what funding had been brought in by the event, much like they always did.  “I’m done.” He whispered.  

“What are you talking about, your majesty?”  She spoke through gritted teeth.  “Can you please just tell me what it is you that you are finished with?  Hurry up, I’m exhausted, we have a lot to discuss, and I need to get out of this dress because I can’t breathe.”  

Liam looked at the woman in front of him and the crown that sat on his desk before he sighed deeply again. He didn’t know how to tell her this. She was a good queen, truly made for this role.  She was organized, decisive, poised, and charismatic.  She provided exactly the type of support he had needed as a young monarch.  As much as he hated to admit it, the two of them worked well together.    

“Madeleine…”  There was a knock on the study door.  Bastian’s head appeared.  

“Duchess Olivia is here, your majesty.”  He announced.

“Thank you.”  Liam quietly spoke. Madeleine watched as the red headed duchess walked into the study, an annoyed look on her face.  “Thank you for coming, your grace.  I hadn’t expected you so soon.”

“Liam, it is 1:30 in the morning.  I was told that you needed to speak with me urgently.  Of course I came quickly.  What on Earth do you need me for?”  Olivia’s voice had its usual bite to it, but she looked exhausted.  

Madeleine’s eyes darted back and forth between Liam and Olivia.  She couldn’t tell what was happening.  She had never been good at reading Liam.  He was stoic as always, and had not given her an ounce of emotion to go off of since she’d entered the study. So many things were spinning through her mind as she stared at the man in front of her, trying to understand what he wanted to say. Why was Olivia here?  Why was Liam surprised she had come so quickly?  

“Liam were you finally able to divorce me?”  Madeleine asked before thinking.

She knew he didn’t love her. He had only married her because of the crown, and after six months of marriage he had tried everything in his power to end their marriage.  The counsel had told him that it couldn’t be done unless one of them had been unfaithful. Liam had stopped trying to fight it after that, and the two of them had fallen into a routine.  They were never romantic.  He didn’t ever try to woo her.  They lived in separate apartments within the palace, and she had never even seen his bedroom.  They had been married for five years and the counsel was pushing for them to produce an heir to the throne, so they had begun the process of IVF because sex was not an option.  

But maybe he had found a way, maybe the counsel had agreed to let them go their separate ways.  Had he decided to marry Olivia?  Madeleine looked at the red headed duchess, knowing that was probably not the case.  Liam had only ever had eyes for one woman, and she was not in the room.  So, what did Olivia’s presence mean?

“Duchess Olivia, Queen Madeleine…”  Liam began to speak, and Madeleine felt her heartrate quicken.  “Thank you both for being here.”  

“Save the formalities, Liam.”  Olivia sneered, rolling her eyes.  “You had me brought to your study after midnight.  This is not the time.  Get this done.”  

“Very well,” Liam nodded. “Shall we sit?”  The ladies nodded, and Liam sat down behind his desk. Madeleine and Olivia sat in front of him.  The king took in the scene in front of him and the finality of what he was about to do began to hit him. What he was about to say would change all three of their lives forever, not to mention the lives of every citizen in Cordonia. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I’ve decided that I must make a change.”  He began speaking, and part of him thought he might change his mind in that moment.  He watched as Madeleine began wringing her hands and Olivia rolled her eyes.  He felt his heartrate quicken as adrenaline began pulsing through his body.  

“And what change would that be, your majesty?”  Olivia glared, feeling irritated with how long the king was taking to make his point.  What could possibly be so important that he’d had to put her and Madeleine in the same room so late at night?

“I’ve decided to abdicate the throne.”  Liam’s voice was calm, his face looked peaceful.  All the nerves he’d been feeling, all the anxious tension that had been building up in his body faded.  The two women in the room had very different reactions.  Liam watched as Olivia’s face turned as red as her hair, while Madeleine’s went completely pale.  

“You’ve decided to do what?”

“I’m going to be sick.”

“I am abdicating,” Liam said again.  “I am giving up the Crown.  I don’t want it anymore.”  

“You...don’t…want…it…any…more?”  Olivia spoke slowly through gritted teeth, her eyes were narrowed and Liam suddenly felt a small amount of fear.  

“Excuse me.” Madeleine ran out of the room, hand over her mouth.  Olivia and Liam sat in silence, Olivia glaring at Liam as they listened uncomfortably to Madeleine retching right outside the study door.  

“Are you insane?” Olivia hissed.  Liam shook his head, a solemn look covering his face.  Olivia let out an irritated laugh.  “Well then you must be dying.”  

“No.  I am simply taking advantage of my right to advocate.  I can’t do this anymore, Olivia.”  Liam shrugged.  He was trying not to show the relief that was filling him after finally telling someone about his plan.  This had been building up for years, and it was finally happening.  He was finally going to be free from this prison of a life.

“But, what about the Rys dynasty?”  Olivia raised an eyebrow, and Liam simply shrugged.

“It ends tonight.”  He shook his head.  “There is no one left in the family to take keep it going.”  

Olivia blinked at his heedlessness “And you don’t care?  Liam, your bloodline has been on the throne since the very beginning of our nation.  The people trust you, they need a leader.”  

Liam took a deep breath, unsure if Olivia knew why she was in the room.  “Do you know why I called you here tonight, Olivia?”  Before Olivia could answer, Madeleine burst into the room. Her coloring looked better, but her face still showed anxiety.  

“I’m sorry,” She said quietly.  Liam nodded, offering her a bottle of water.  She took it with a small smile.  Her eyes went to Olivia.  “Did you talk him out of it?”  

Oliva let out an exasperated sigh before covering her face with her hands.  “Liam, this is ridiculous.  You can’t just abandon your country and leave them with no leader…what is going on?”  

Madeleine’s eyes widened like she had an idea, but quickly narrowed again. This time anger filling them.  “If this is about that duchess…”  

“Madeleine, I can assure this has nothing to do with any duchess.  This is strictly my decision.  I am no longer happy with my role as king, and therefore I am stepping down. I have called an emergency council meeting at 7:00 tomorrow morning to make it official.  I’d suggest you begin packing your chambers.  We will have to leave the palace after I make my statement, which will be brief.  I will be asking for our marriage to be dissolved in the morning as well.  You will be free to live your own life.  I will expect your presence in the morning.”  Liam watched as a tear fell down Madeleine’s cheek.  

She stood up and nodded. “Yes, your majesty. I will be there.” She whispered as she walked toward the door.  

Liam watched her leave, and as soon as the door was shut he turned back to Olivia.  “What does Drake think about this?  

Liam shook his head.  “I haven’t told him,”  He responded quietly.  

“You haven’t told Drake that you’re abdicating?”  Olivia shook her head and smirked.  “That man is going to throw you a whisky party.”  The moment of humor was brief as Olivia suddenly realized that something wasn’t right.  “Wait, why did you tell me before you told Drake?”  

“Olivia,”  Liam braced himself for what was about to come.  

“Don’t you dare say what I think you’re about to say, Liam.  Don’t you do this to me.  You of all people cannot possibly do this to someone.”  Olivia’s eyes pleaded with him, but he would not relent.  He had prepared himself for this, knowing that it would be the hardest part.  Knowing exactly what was about to happen to Olivia.  

“Surely you already knew, Olivia.”  His voice did not waver.  He felt bad for what he was doing to her, because she was right.  He did know exactly what she would feel as soon as he stepped down in the morning.  “I know that you were well aware of what is to happen when there are no more members of the Rhys family to take the throne.”  

Olivia’s eyes filled with tears, and she choked out a sob.  Liam hadn’t seen her cry since she was a little girl missing her parents.  He watched the normally emotionless duchess process what was happening, her tears falling freely.  He reached for a box of tissues to give her, but she threw them back at him before quickly regaining her composure.  “I’m going to smack you.”  She sneered.  

“It’s no longer treason.” Liam grinned at his lifelong friend. “Plus, you have diplomatic immunity now…your majesty.”  

#trr #trr fanfic #liam x mc #king liam #cordonia #liam #the royal romance #trr liam #playchoices #choices the royal romance #liam rhys #choices royal romance #king of cordonia #trr olivia #trr madeleine #trr valtoria

[artificialqueens]

Objects in the Rear View Mirror (Craquameron) - Chapter Eight - Saiphl

I’ve come to know the rules and laws and scriptures of love - Chapter Eight

Brianna’s POV

Oh, I don’t know where I ever lost love

Or where to go now to get it back

And then… I run, like every time I feel trapped and I need to think, or at least, give my head a break. By the time I reach home, I want to throw myself head down the toilet and ask Lester to flush it.

What in the whole world I was thinking? Ok, in my defense, I wasn’t even thinking.

Why did I kiss Kameron? Well… that one is easy, just because it always feels right to kiss Kameron, and I missed her lips so damn much!

Why did I kiss Aquaria? That one will never be easy, because whenever I kiss her, I use to forget why did I do it in first place. This is exactly the perfect example of that kind of situation.

Did I wanted to run away? Hmmm… yes and no. Yes, because those kisses will make everything even more complicated. No, because I’m so tired of running away from myself and what I feel.

I lit a cigarette, and it helps to get me back from the break down. Staring blankly at the Needles’ house, I can see Sharon, Alaska, Nebraska and a tall guy that’s holding her hand and… Who in the fuck is the tall guy? What am I missing? Why I can’t understand anything?

My head pounds and my cigarette starts tasting like ashtray, I step on the buttock, take it from the floor and go inside the house when Alaska and everyone else is leaving in her SUV. I wonder how long will it take to Aquaria coming back home. A really egocentric and bratty part of me wished they went after me, but then I remembered that it’s Kameron who we are talking about, she might be dying to go after you if you’re in distress, but she will always respect the line if you ask for space.

I get a glass of water, I didn’t realize how dehydred I was until I drink the first and then two more. Friendly Reminder: do not drink a full bottle of wine when you’ll have to be out in the summer sun at ungodly hours the next morning. Lester comes yapping by my side, I pick up the puppy and distractedly scratch his ears. The house is extremely quiet, which means Mom and Dad are not here, so I go upstairs and throw myself on the bed, placing the puppy on my belly.

Gimme some fables and proverbs

You gotta gimme some signs where to go

Before I could even notice, I fall asleep, the dog snoring lightly by my side. The rough feeling of a stubble and a jumping puppy awake me, I open my eyes to find Jamin’s face, he smiles at me and sits on the bed side, giving me chance to sit. “Dad asked me to come and check on you, he was worried that you took so long to come back from the High School”, he says, giving me a soft smile. “Did you catch up with your classmates?” He mocks, and I just half smile.

“What happens little sister? You can come and tell me anything. The fact that I don’t live here anymore, doesn’t mean I’m not here for you blondie.” Jamin had always been the guardian angel for Monet, Monique and myself, being the older sibling and the only boy gave him a total different perspective, as far as the ones getting in trouble all the time were the twins and little Bri. I hug my brother as tight as I can and he holds me silently, caressing my hair to soothe me.

After a -very long- moment, I break the embrace and look at my brother’s blue eyes, he looks worried now, but keeping it cool. “I actually was with Aquaria and Kameron”, trying to sound casual, i look at him, who’s staring back with eyes wide open. “That’s why I came back so late, we like… had a lot to talk about and…”

“And you ran away, ‘cause if you haven’t done that, you should have come home with Aquaria, who’s just getting back”, he says, helping me to look at Aquaria getting off the car and going inside the house.  I can’t help shivering, and Jamin hold both my hands. “Come on Bri, breathe, do not stop breathing” he says in a soft voice. “Come on blondie, you can do this, you can’t keep having panic attacks about her”, one of his hands leave mine, and  cups one of my cheeks.

Everything I’ve ever dreamed of

Has begun to fade to black

I follow the rhythm of his breathings and a couple of minutes later I’m ready to speak again. “Jamin, I screwed it… like totally screwed it. I kissed Kameron”, he looks at me, puzzled, and before he can tell anything I add:  “then I kissed Aquaria too… and then I just ran away, from them, and from all what I feel, I’m a mess Jamin, a total mess.” Burying my face on his chest, I can feel his hands going through my hair and my back.

Jamin looks at me for what feels like hours, then he holds both my hands. “So, first of all, was it good?”, he asks, arching his brow with a half serious, half mocking expression. I sigh loudly, and nod emphatically. He smiles and pat my right hand, “then the trouble here is you liked it too much… with both of them?” I nod again, this time turning my head to the window and straight to Aquaria’s house. “Little sister, if this were another kind of situation, or if I knew that you don’t care about them, I’d say take both of them, but even if you’re up to, you’ll need to make a decision. One that may hurt the three of you, you know?”

“You think I don’t know that? I’ve spent so many years mourning both losses, dammit!” I sincerely spit to my brother. “But I don’t know what to do Jamin, my whole being wants to find Kameron and be with her, to run opposite from Aquaria…” Jamin scratches his jaw, and take a deep breathe.

“But you still love her isn’t it? like, having her face to face brought back all that you were trying so hard to forget.” Sometimes I hate how both the men in my family know me so well. “Listen Bri, I don’t have an answer for everything, I wish I would, but I don’t. The best advice I can give you, is: if you want one of them, then don’t run away, fear leads to emptiness, and you’re way too full of life to let your sparkle die.”

I hug my brother, so tight that my arms and my chest hurt. He patiently holds me until I finally sigh and get apart from him. “Thank you Benny, you’re always the best big brother that a little blonde could have.” He gives me that look of ‘I’ll kill you if you call me Benny ever again’, and scrubs a tear from my cheek.

“Blondie… you look like you fell on the face of a sad clown, why don’t you go and clean your face, and then we go for meal?”, he asks, casually, I briefly laugh and stand from the bed. “Go and get ready, I’ll feed Lester while you’re done.” I nod going to the bathroom just to hear him say “and don’t you dare to call me Benny ever again!” We both laugh and i close the door while he goes downstairs to feed the puppy.

Gimme some words I can live by

Gimme commandments to know

I look at my reflection in the mirror, Jamin’s description is really accurate. I have deep black circles around my eyes, and my lips are barely contoured, lacking of color on the inside; my hair is tangled and I basically look like if a wrecking ball just hit me. I clean the remnants of makeup and start redoing it, once I see color on my skin, I feel a little better.

Going back to the facts of this morning, I’m neatly sure that I screwed everything in the worst possible way. First of all, I shouldn’t have kissed Kameron, it was me who left her and never tried to reach her when I came back from France. Then, I shouldn’t have kissed Aquaria, even if it felt so damned good; it was exposing me to keep falling for her, and I just can’t afford that kind of risk. The hardest part of all these, is that Jamin is right, I still love them… both of them and it makes things unbearably complicated.

“Blondie! I’m starving, could you please hurry up?” Jamin calls from downstairs, making the puppy yap with him. I brush my hair and tie it with a ribbon, then I go back to the room and I rummage through my case to find something more comfortable to go out.

After changing my clothes I look through the window, and I can see Aquaria’s getting dressed, her hair is damp and she’s wearing just a set of undies. My mouth dries at the sight of her body. I shake my head and leave my room. Even when I’d kill to kiss every inch of her skin and eat her out until she screams my name in bliss, I don’t need that kind of ideas sneaking through my mind when I need to think clearly.

There are designated angels who just might save your soul, no!

They give me words to live by, and that’s all that I know.

#rear view mirror #saiphl #throuple #aquaria #kameron michaels #miz cracker #rpdr fanfiction #craquameron #poly #lesbian au #s10